#i literally watched treasure planet for the first time like two days ago why am i like this-

[trustedhearts]

Staring at Sarah Hawkins like.. you're literally just a space version of one of my other muses... I could write you....

[notveryglittery]

we could fall through december

summary: winter made everything so slow. roman didn’t think it fair.  ship: romantic roceit (roman/deceit) / wc: 1,600 warnings: sympathetic deceit, self-doubt/hatred, seasonal affective disorder, emotional outburst. let me know if i need to add anything. a/n: first fic of 2020 and it’s a gift!! feels good, feels organic. hope you like this, @rusted-but-golden <3 

read on ao3 | @fandersfic-roceit​

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Roman wondered what it was keeping him from getting out of bed.

Was it the “loss of interest?” Maybe it was the “sleep deprivation.” It just as well could have been the “lack of concentration.” Knowing his luck, it was all of the above. It was every symptom Google had listed, the apathy and the mood swings and the fatigue. He had so many things to do. There was plenty of time to do them. It was barely even noon yet which meant he had the entire day to finish the projects he’d started…

The clock flashed mockingly at him, reading 3:27. The projects he’d started had been ages ago. He couldn’t remember the last time he had picked them up. He wasn’t even sure what the date was.

Roman rolled over, burying his face into his pillow. It made breathing unnecessarily difficult. Kind of like how everything else was unnecessarily difficult. Like, why couldn’t he just kick the blankets off and get his feet on the ground? He was a prince! He was a knight! He was tough, self-assured, resilient! He had faced monsters larger than this. He faced blows to his ego like this daily.

Why did the lack of sunshine make so much of a difference?

Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t have plenty of sunshine in his life already! Patton himself might as well have counted as one’s regular dose of vitamin D. Sometimes, Roman was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of Virgil’s smile or to hear a rare but treasured laugh from Logan. Those alone ought to have been enough to combat any gloomy day.

Finally lifting his head, Roman narrowed his eyes, squinting out the window. Not to mention, Thomas lived in Florida! The Mindscape should have reflected that. They barely had winter! It was more like extended fall. It didn’t even snow or rain (save for their consistent 3pm storm that lasted no more than an hour every day). Sure, the sun was obscured often by cloud cover but… well, it was still there! He had no excuse to be all mopey and sluggish just because the temperature had dropped.

…

Maybe he ought to just take a nap. Roman blinked, hard, and released a frustrated groan. With more effort than he’d care to admit, he lifted his arm and scrubbed the heel of his palm against his eyes, which had, quite rudely, begun to burn suddenly with tears. This was so stupid! Forcing himself to sit up felt like a herculean task, but he shoved the covers away and reached blindly for his bedside table. Instead of grabbing a tissue, though, his uncoordinated movements instead just knocked the box of Kleenex to the floor.

“Oh, come on!” He snapped, choking back a sob.

A knock sounded at the door.

“I’m busy,” he called back, without hesitation.

“You’re lying,” responded the visitor.

Roman muttered a curse under his breath. Any other day, he’d be delighted to see his beloved. As it were, he’d been avoiding Deceit just as much as he’d been avoiding everyone else. Was it a good idea to isolate himself when there was a figurative (might as well have been literal) storm cloud hovering over his head? Of course not. Not like he ever had any good ideas to begin with, anyway.

“Roman,” Deceit purred from the other side of the door.

“Fine, fine,” Roman sighed, unlocking the door with a halfhearted snap of his fingers. “Come in, then.”

At least Deceit’s arrival had distracted him from crying any more. Running a hand through his hair to try and tame his bedhead, Roman watched as Deceit let himself in. He closed the door gently behind him. He looked as exquisite as always, not a hair or thread out of place. He was carrying two containers.

“Move over,” Deceit said, seating himself on the mattress without waiting.

He set the tupperware down and turned to Roman. His eyes scanned over Roman’s face. A lot of good his poker face did him when Roman was intimately aware of every one of Deceit’s expressions and facial tics by now.

“Hi,” Deceit said softly.

“Hey,” Roman replied, muted.

Roman shifted, pulling the sheets more tightly around his waist. God, he hated winter. It was so cold. He didn’t even have the energy to conjure a space heater or electric blankets.

“Brought you lunch,” Deceit offered, picking one of the meals up and prying the lid off.

The container was full of grilled cheese sandwiches, cut into hearts. Roman looked at Deceit, unable to resist grinning a little bit.

“Patton insisted on helping,” Deceit grumbled.

Roman reached for the other and found it filled with tomato bisque. It was warm in his hands. Without a care in the world, he lifted the bowl to his mouth and drank the soup straight from it. His arms ached doing so but damn if it didn’t taste good.

“There are spoons, you know!” Deceit said, scowling.

Roman licked his lips. “Sorry.”

They ate in relative silence after that. Sometimes they took turns dipping the grilled cheeses into the soup. At one point, Roman shyly held up one of his half-eaten heart shaped sandwiches and Deceit rolled his eyes as he held his own half up against Roman’s. Deceit would talk occasionally; about Virgil and Patton taking up the living room for a blanket fort that no one else was allowed in; about Thomas and Joan’s latest additions to Reasons to Smile; about the debate he and Logan had recently regarding whether or not Pluto was a planet.

“Did he end it with viva la Pluto, fuck you?” Roman asked, reaching forward to… His fingers twitched and he pulled back, looking away.

“Of course he did,” Deceit answered. He waved a hand and the containers disappeared. A heated blanket appeared in their place. “Come here, then.”

Roman hesitated. Deceit twirled a finger in the air, changing into comfy loungewear. The next movement was directed at Roman, whose pajamas were replaced with clean ones that smelled just slightly of lavender. Deceit shoved the blanket into Roman’s lap.

God, again with the stupid tears—

“Shh,” Deceit hushed him, hands coming up to cradle Roman’s face gently. “I know. It’s okay.”

“It isn’t,” Roman croaked, allowing himself to curl his fingers around one of Deceit’s wrists. “I’m supposed to be str… stronger than this.”

“Is Patton weak when he has his Days?”

“Of course not,” Roman defended, vehemently.

“Surely, Virgil is when he panics over the tiniest of things.”

“He isn't!”

“Then why, Roman, would you think yourself weak for this?”

“It’s just a lack of sunlight,” Roman scoffed, dropping his hand to his lap, where he proceeded to pick at his chipped nail polish. He tried to turn away, tried to break their locked gaze. He was pathetic enough without having to see Deceit’s pitying expression.

“Ro,” Deceit interrupted those thoughts, tone scolding. He let Roman go, knowing better than to keep his hold when it wasn’t wanted. “Logan’s with Thomas right now but don’t think for a second that I won’t call him here if that’s what it takes.”

“We’re not going to bother him with this—”

“Bother?”

“You know what I mean!”

“Actually, I don’t,” Deceit disagreed, sneering. He hated when it came to that. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

“The first result for "things people also ask" when you search for seasonal affective disorder is whether or not it’s real,” Roman snapped. “And I’m not real, not technically, so how can something like seasonal fucking depression affect me!”

Roman gestured towards the floor to ceiling windows that comprised one wall of his room. The sky was bright blue. “Even if it did, I have complete control over the Fantasy Realm. I could just pop in for a few hours of basking in the sunshine and I’d be all better! I can’t even do that, though!”

“Dearheart, you know vitamin D in the Fantasy Realm would work just as well as hugs and food do.” Deceit tried not to think about the last time Roman had forgotten this. It’d been… frightening, to say the least.

“They literally have lamps that do the same thing but go off I guess.”

“Alright.” Deceit said abruptly.

He grabbed the heated blanket and draped it over Roman’s shoulders. Then, with perhaps more force than necessary, he pushed Roman back down onto the pillows.

“Hey!” Roman shouted, not appreciating being manhandled, thank you very much.

Deceit didn’t answer and instead just sprawled himself on top of Roman’s chest. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but whenever you start to talk bad about yourself, one of the reasons is because you’re touch-starved.”

“I am not—!” Roman would have finished his sentence if Deceit hadn’t buried a hand into his hair and scraped his nails along his scalp. Goosebumps erupted on his arms and at the back of his neck. “That…” Roman’s eyes slid shut. “That is cheating.”

“We’re not done talking about this,” Deceit promised, carding his fingers through Roman’s locks. “Right now, though, I think you could just use some physical affection and a nap.”

“I’m…” Roman sighed, melting under Deceit’s gentle touches.

“Hmm?” Deceit hummed, shifting so that he was a bit more comfortable and so that Roman could still breathe easily. “What is it, my articulate amor?”

“M’sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Deceit insisted, leaning up just close enough to press a kiss to Roman’s jaw. He tucked his face into the crook of Roman’s neck.

“... Okay,” Roman agreed haltingly. “I love you, darling.”

“I love you, your highness. Rest now.”

Whatever Roman had wanted to say was overtaken by a huge yawn. He shuffled as best he could further under the blankets, warmth wrapped around his shoulders and laid reassuringly on top of him. The idea of returning to this discussion scared him more than he thought it ought to but… He supposed he could work through it if he had someone so secure and patient like Deceit to help him.

[lennydaisy]

EPIPHANY SERIES // OUTER BANKS // CHAPTER THREE.

(n.) a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand. or suddenly become conscious of something that is very important to you.

              “Care to seize the day, my friend?”

Outer Banks                                                                                                                  Season 1-                                                                                                                      FEM OC! and ?

Here’s the link to Chapter Two in case you haven’t read it already <3 Check it out!!

Babysitting isn't for everybody. And at the beginning, I didn't think I was for me either. They say every child is different and this job has proved that couldn't be more true. Call it delusion, but I thought babysitting would be the easiest job on the planet.  Getting paid to look after someone's kid for a few hours whilst they run for the hills for a sliver of free time.  Sounds easy enough right?

Wrong!

You need to have thick skin when it comes to babysitting. No matter how much the parents reassure and praise their kid for being a literal angel on earth. That said angel will call you a do-do head at least once whilst simultaneously having a tantrum because you told them no, despite how much they promised that their parents allow them to climb onto of the refrigerator.

The first time I babysat it was actually a baby I was watching. The mom wanted to get out of the house and away from the responsibility of her 6-month-old. She had graciously written up any and every scenario that could play out in the few hours she was gone. And I was feeling confident. Until I wasn't.

They wouldn't stop crying. And their special lamb, that the board told me to give to the baby when they were upset, ran out of batteries, and I couldn't find new ones anywhere.

They refused to eat, just spitting the pureed food back in my face. They also wouldn't keep their socks on and that was the last straw for my sanity. I understood now why the mom had been quick to run out the door.

I ended up calling Kie, begging for her to come and help. I don't know how she understood a word I said, I was practically hyperventilating over the line, staring at the baby who was crawling around in a fit of rage.

Kie was truly a godsend. She somehow fed the baby and managed to get them to sleep before the mom came back. It did result in me splitting my first wage with Kie, but I wasn't complaining, I was just happy that I made it out of that house with just a headache and not an external crisis. Though that did come later.

I've babysat an 8-year-old boy, who ran away from me in the park. I did find him eventually. After giving myself a hairline fracture in my right wrist from climbing the tree he got stuck in.

I've babysat animals before. That wasn't part of my non-existing contract, but the way they spoke about their pets was very humanlike. It didn't end well for me, it never does. It resulted in me holding four leashes of four overly excited Komodo Dragons. Just kidding. The refused to move and lacked any type of emotion.

'I took you guys to the beach, be grateful.'

Now, I know what you're thinking, Komodo Dragons? Aren't those Illegal to have as pets? The answer to that question is yes! But I didn't know that. Just imagine Shoupe's face when he saw me practically dragging not one, but four, exotic animals across the boneyard. It looked suspicious is all I'm going to say.

Turns out the two guys who asked me to babysit their dragons for them we're smugglers who purchased and sold exotic animals. Not good. Apparently, they were already under the police departments radar and the pair planned on legging it to the in-country hoping to change and clear their names.

That worked out well for them, I think? Nothing else was really mentioned of it after my dad collected me from the police station. They're still on the radar, I hope. If not then there are two brawny men out there that could come and kill me in my sleep for ruining their very illegal business. Look, If you are up to some suspect things, my dumbass is the last person you'd want to be involved. I will unironically get you caught.

That's how Ward Cameron had heard about my very pristine babysitting service. Noticing the little bit of trouble that always seemed to shadow me, he offered to hire me permanently as his youngest daughter's babysitter.

That was three years ago, and here I am still babysitting Wheezie.

"This is stupid," Wheezie complains, trudging behind me, pushing forward the shopping cart filled with lost items that we found on the beach.

Since there is no internet in Kookland, in other words, Wheezie's heart line is currently in critical care. I decided to venture outdoors with her for a change. Instead of just sitting around her three-storey clubhouse or in her four-acre backyard, I thought it would be nice to comb the beach of any debris that the hurricane brought along.  

There was a lot of personal items that washed up on the beach too. Wallets, bags, photographs, books, clothes, wine bottles, footballs, toys, you get the gist. Most of them were ruined, either waterlogged or just completely useless. However, somethings just needed a good clean, and that's what we are going to spend our day doing. There is no way of telling what belongs to who, so we'll just turn them into the lost and found and hope they'll check there if it was important enough to them.

Our two trollies worth didn't even make a dent in the rubble that litters the beach, but it was a start. Say hello to a summer of hard labour.

"There was a hurricane Wheezie, have some sympathy" I roll my eyes at the girl who was less than thrilled about today's plans.

"I do have sympathy," she claims defensively, "It's just pointless.  No one's gonna come looking for this junk," eyes flickering through the findings in her trolley.

What we found isn't pointless. They belong to someone. I think about it the same way I did as a kid when I wanted every single teddy bear in my bed at night so none got left out, so I didn't hurt their feelings. A ragged old soccer ball might look worse for wear, but it has a home and I going to get it back there.

"It's not junk," I object, stopping momentarily, waiting for the stroppy pre-teen to catch up. "Say you lost your phone and someone found it, and returned it too you. You wouldn't be grateful?" I theorize in terms that I know she would understand.

"My dad would just get me a new one," she shrugs nonchalantly, not missing a beat.

"Well, not everyone's fortunate that way," I remind her, blinking suddenly as the sun shines on something reflective in the cart, blinding me.

Reaching towards the sparkling object, I realise that it appears to be quite expensive. It's a glass ashtray. Rubbing the damp sand off the surface, my thumb feels an engraving. In swirly calligraphy, reads the initials:

'S.G'

"I'm sorry," Wheezie apologizes, wincing when she heard my comment, "I didn't think-"

"-It's okay," I smile at the girl. It's not like I don't understand my current life situation. It's pretty shitty, I know, but I live with it. I was born a Pogue for a reason. I wasn't supposed to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth, though that doesn't mean I hate those who are. They have it easier than me and my family, sure, but that's just how it is in the Outer Banks. Some are more fortunate than others. It does, however, leave a sour taste in my mouth that Kook parents will just throw money at there children to get them to shut up, but that's just a Pogue's opinion.

The generators haven't kicked in yet, seeing as though the Camerons security code gate is bouncing loosely against its unlocked hinges. Holding the gate open for Wheezie to push by with her cart, I catch a glimpse of their usually perfectly mowed lawn. Instead, I see plenty of fallen trees and scattered branches, broken plant pots, and ruined garden monuments. It’s not a good look, especially for the high-class Camerons.

That just goes to show, hurricane's don't show mercy on anyone, Kook or not.

As a wise man once said; 'Thanks Agatha, ya batch.'

Parking our carts beside the Cameron's private pool, away from the workers who are just trying to do their jobs. I turn to Wheezie saying, "You go get some soapy water and gloves and I'll empty the carts."

Nodding her head, she rushes into her house, leaving me slightly confused, 'Where did the sudden enthusiasm come from?'

Emptying the carts, I lay out what needs to be cleaned the most: from a bronze candlestick holder to a old, yet unique, shoe buckle, and everything in between. And of course, the ashtray. 

Holding it gently in my palms, legs crossed against the cold slabs, I couldn't help but feel hypnotised by the intricate marks that littered the tray. It truly was a lost treasure.

"I'll take that," announces a voice from behind my hunched figure, jumping when a hand snatches the tray from my grip.

Coming to my feet, I'm ready to snatch the tray back from the sudden thief, but I stop when I realise who it is. Why am I not surprised, I am on their turf.

If it isn't dumb, dumber and dumbest.

Throwing the delicate glass from hand to hand, Rafe lets out a low whistle, "Check the weight on that," he tosses it to Kelce who was standing tall behind him. Kelce nods his head in approval, of course agreeing with what Rafe has to say.

"Who did you steal that from Pogue?" Rafe smirks thinking he has me sussed out. Not wanting to give the satisfaction that him lobbing around the ashtray is causing me heart amputations, I stare him in the eye, "I didn't steal it. I found it."

"You did, did you," he utters pushing past me, his head low with a sick smile, taking in the view of the tressures that I had laid out, "And what about all this? Did you just find that too?"

I say nothing. He knows the answer to that question. I already told him. I don't need to explain myself, especially not to Rafe Cameron.

His eyes flicker over Wheezie and I's findings, taking in each and everyone with a curious eye,  before he cracked, "Bunch of junk," kicking some of the items into the pool.

All I could do was stare. Stare as someone's possessions sunk to the bottom of the marble pool, clashing and crumbling at the foot of Rafe. I fell sick.

His friend just laughs, egging him on. Kelce patting him proudly on the back, handing him back the ashtray. Rafe turns to face me, that smirk never leaving his face, but I can't look at him. I refuse to.

"-Hey Rafe, dad's looking for you," a soft voice breaks the harsh glare that Rafe was sending my way. Nodding his head at the voice, he holds the ashtray out for me to take.

It was too good to be true.

Gullible enough, I reach out for it, only to have it slip through my fingertips. Unable to hear the shattering of the glass as it hits the red slab, my brain refuses to accept fate as I stare down at the shards.

Laughing lightly, I bite my lip, nodding my head understandingly, not expecting anything less from Rafe. A sharp grip on my wrist snaps up my damp eyes, "See you later, Pogue," he hisses in my numb ear, before marching away as though nothing happened.

Sensing a presence, I meet eyes with the 3rd and final member of Rafe's crowd.

Topper.

Smiling lopsidedly at the well put together boy who hasn't moved or spoken since showing up, "Nice friends you've got there Topper," I say monotoned, watching as the boy snaps out of his trance-like state before following Rafe with a blank expression and his tail between his legs.

Shuddering out a breath, I unclip my waist bag and begin to pick up the chunks of glass. Pausing when a pair of clean, white shoes entre my line of sight, "Careful," she crounches down, picking up a shard, placing it into my bag.

A few minutes of picking up the sizable pieces, all that was left on the slabs was a glittering shimmer. Satisfied with what was salvaged, we stand back up to our full height. It was silent. Awkwardly silent.

"Thank you," I shyly say, not at all pleased that the Cameron girl had caught me in a moment of weakness, but at least she didn't mock me for it.

"Your welcome," she smiles before reaching for the tennis rackets she had thrown on the ground before coming to help me. Certain that was the end of the exchange, I turned back to the pool where pieces of metal and loose book pages float carelessly on the surface.

It was just a bunch of junk anyway.

"Hey," Sarah turns, rubbing the back of her head subconsciously, "I'm going to save mice from the birds," she says, pointing out to the bottom of her garden where the surge has blown over, waterlogging the grass.

I just blink at the girl, confused as to why she is even telling me this. Letting out a gentle huff, "I have a spare racket," she offers, holding out one of the two rackets she has in her hands.

Finally catching what she's throwing, I look anywhere but her direction, "I can't," hoping to find a legit excuse as to why I don't want to help her be a hero for mice. Then it hit me, "I'm supposed to be babysitting Wheezie."

My triumphant smile fell as fast as it came when Sarah says, "The powers back on, Wheezie will not willingly come outside again," still holding out the bat for me to take, "Also, my dad's back, so your shift ended about 20 minutes ago."

The more reasons she adds, the more difficult she is making it to say no, and she knows it as well. Her eyebrows dancing lightly as she waves the racket around like a tempting treat.

Giving in, seeing as though I have run out of excuses to give, I grudgingly accept the racket. Maybe her being the sworn enemy of my best friend would have been a good excuse, but I didn't think of that at the time. And what would I of said:

'Oh, I can't help you, even though you selflessly helped me, because my best friend hates your guts.'

What are we, middleschoolers?

I can't help but feel wrong about it though. Like I'm betraying my role as a pogue, as a best friend. But if I feel that way about just being near the kook princess, that doesn't make me any better than her brother. A judgmental prick.

Let's call it paying back a debt. She helped me, now I'll help her. Tit for tat. Anything to make my mind feel at ease.

Walking behind the women who seemed to be on a mission, I'm met by the shrieking flock of overhead seagulls, each nosediving into the burrows, hoping to catch their next meal.

"Operation ‘Save The Mice’ is a go," she announces, holding out her racket waiting for me to tap mines against hers, declaring our battle. I couldn't help but wonder aloud, "Why does this concern us?" tapping my racket unsurely against hers.

Nodding her head in confirmation, she takes her stance, eyes now set on the sky. "You have about as much compassion as a rock," she focusses her swing, untimely missing by a long shot. It was entertaining to watch, I'm not going to lie.

"Tell me something I don't know," I reply, leaping back as the girl swings her racket with vigour and fury at the diving gulls. I can't help but laugh at her attempts.

Having enough of my laughter she turns around, a challenging look flaring in her eyes, "Think you can do any better?"

I just shrug my shoulders, twirling the racket around my fingers, smirking at my trick, but Sarah just looks unimpressed. Watching as a flock of gulls take their position to dive,  I jump as high as possible hoping to swat them away.

At that moment I learned something about human capability. Humans shouldn't jump. Like ever. It's embarrassing. What do we expect? To touch the stars? It's nice to dream and imagine that when we push both legs of the ground, arms reaching high, that we are close to flying. Let's just say my non-existing dream to become an Olympic long jumper has just flushed down the toilet.

Another thing I learned is that when you swing a racket, with force, at a cluster of hungry Seagulls, you will get attacked. The only thing between them and they're next meal is me, and they didn't hesitate to remove me from the situation.

Letting out a shriek, I run away from the burrows, hands protecting my head as the birds swoop at me. Without a second thought, I run behind Sarah, using her as a shield to protect my crouching figure from the diving gulls.

After two minutes of fearing for my life, I can't help but chuckle at myself. And Sarah joins in, shoving my arm lightly, pushing me away from hiding behind her. The sudden shove causes me to stumble over my own feet, falling back on the grass. I couldn't help but laugh more, seeing stars as my stomach cramps in pain.

Sarah holds out her hand, trying her best to keep her balance from laughing, offering to help me up. I accept without a second thought, allowing her to pull me to my feet. Both smiling widely at our stupidity.

"Let's get these birds," I smirked at the girl who nodded her head in agreement. Both of us taking a battle stance, ready to defend our people. Or well Mice. They attack us, we attack them.

A cold shadow suddenly covers the setting sun that was shining against us. We let out another shriek, holding each other as we attempt to duck from the relentless gulls, running away from the burrows.

"Sarah!" I hear someone shout over our screams. Too busy protecting ourselves, we didn't even register the voice, "Mason?!" They ask in confusion.

Finally feeling safe enough from the killer birds, I look up to see Mr Cameron making his way towards us with Lana Grubbs at his side. 'Why is she here?'

"We're busy!" Sarah exclaims, picking up and tossing me the racket I had dropped when I fell, going back to swinging at the birds. She takes one side of the burrows and I take the other, waving around my racket. At this point I don't even care about the mice, those birds attacked me! So, I'm attacking them!

"What are you two doing?" Mr Cameron asks, not understanding why his daughter and his hired babysitter are running around like headless chickens.

"Saving mice," I reply, flashing my eyes over to the man, who stands with an ever so slightly amused look. "The birds are having a field day," Sarah adds, pulling me with her, chasing after the devils in the sky.

"Girls, the birds have to eat too," He implies, but we didn't hear any of it, still aimlessly swinging. "No, it's a mouse genocide out here," Sarah states breathlessly.

"It's the circle of life," Mr Cameron's patience was running thinner, "Now come on, I have a human being-" finally introducing the other presence in the garden. This pauses our attack, both looking apologetically at the lady, "-I'm so sorry. I'm Sarah."

Shaking the ladies hand, "This is Lana Grubbs, Scooter's wife," Mr Cameron introduces, "You were storm prepping with him, right?" he asks his daughter.

"Yeah," she answers, still breathless, "He helped me latch the cabin to the Druthers," nodding her head in the direction of the docked boat at the end of the pier.

'It's a nice boat,' I thought taking in the beauty of the three-story yacht, 'You can't hide money, huh.'

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

"And did he go out after that?"

"From here?"

"Yeah."

"No. Are you crazy? There was a hurricane," Sarah laughs lightly at the thought of someone willingly going out during a storm.'I could think of a few people,'  bringing my attention back to the two adults in front of me.

"Well, did he say where he was going?" Miss Lana asks, her eyes erratic, "Get a phone call or mention anything?" The desperation lacing her voice makes my heart stop with sympathy for the woman.

"He didn't say anything to me," Sarah shakes her head, her tone not hiding her pity for the lady.

"What about you Mason?" Mr Cameron asks me, "Have you seen Scooter recently?" his questions sparking Miss Lana to look my way, her eyes glistening with withering hope.

"The last I saw of him was when Pope and I delivered to your house," regret instantly hit me, as I had to be the bearer of bad news. It was true though. The last time I saw Scooter was earlier this week when he opened the door for his groceries. I've seen him at Save-A-Lot a few times, but that was months ago when I had to tell him to leave because other customers were complaining that he was bothering them for money.

"I'm sorry," I apologise to the lady who just shakes her head, looking at the ground.

"Is he okay?" Sarah asks her dad who just nods, wrapping an arm around Miss Lana, "He's absolutely fine," he reassures Sarah, before guiding the dazed woman back towards the house.

"Oh!" I hear Mr Cameron exclaim, spinning round to face me, digging through his pockets, "Thank you for watching Wheezie today," he says, placing a brown envelope in my hand.

"Thank you, sir," I smile with gratitude as he makes his leave again.

Sighing, I slap the envelope a few times in my hand, turn back to a Sarah. I go to snap her out of her daydream, but get interrupted by a distant voice, "Hey Sarah!"

At the top of the disarranged lawn stood a scornful Topper, hands in his pockets as he looks down on us, making his way over at a snail pace.

"You better go," I flick my head in the direction of her boyfriend whose eyes are slitted with distaste. Holding out the racket for her to take, she nods her head and makes her way over to Topper, not even sparing me a glance.

I get it.

"I want you to stay away from that pogue, alright?" I hear him utter not so quietly under his breath, knowing fine well that I'm still able to hear him. I pay him no mind, finding my own way out. That's what he wants. Attention. That's always been what Toppers wants. And I'm not going to give him that satisfaction. Not anymore.

Humming a gentle tune under my breath as I make my way towards the gate. I double-take when I spot a hunched figure sitting by the pool, "Wheezie?"

My sudden appearance spooking her as she ripped the earphones out from her ears, the buds projecting a catchy pop beat. The girl sat on the cold slabs, clad in yellow rubber gloves and safety goggles, surrounded my various cleaning tools: a basin of soapy water, a toothbrush, a blow torch?

"What are you doing?" I ask sceptically, making my way towards her as she stuttered over her words before giving up with a sigh.

"I heard what Rafe said," she admits, her voice low as though afraid to speak out against her brother. That's the Rafe effect. He gets off on it. Knowing that everyone around him, his family included, is too scared to tell him he's a mess with even messier opinions. "And it not true," she adds.

Wheezie walks over, holding out the shoe buckle that we found on the beach. The once rusted and unrecognisable buckle now sparkled a blinding silver, and despite its eroded corners, it was still in great condition, "Pretty, right?" she notices my expression, "That's not the best part," she claims, turning over the buckle,  holding it out of me to take.

Engraved on the silver base scribed, 'Made in Occupied Japan.'

"I couldn't save everything, like books and stuff, but I tried my best. I even made a box and everything," She rambles, rushing over to pick up the homemade box that read, "Lost and Found," painted in bold, pink lettering. In the box sat: a polished pin, the candlestick holder, a handful of leather wallets and all the other salvageable treasure that we found. And now the shoe buckle.

"It's not junk," she says, passing me the box, "They belong to someone and I hope they find them," she says, rubbing the back of her tinted red neck, finally understanding why I had her help me in the first place.

It's not junk.

I'm not great when it comes to other peoples emotions. They make me want to shrivel up and go invisible, but I can't help but admire the girls change of heart, but I'm still awkward so, I just ruffle her hair, hoping the annoying act conveys my gratitude.

Having enough of me for one day, Wheezie pushes me toward the gate, practically kicking me out. "See you next time kid," I shout over my shoulder, smiling as her face grovels at the word 'kid'.

Basking at my long journey home, I give up attempting to balance the light box in my arms. I place it on the sidewalk, unzipping my waist bag wanting to tuck the brown envelope, that I was struggling to hold, away. 

The clattering of glass pauses my actions. Reaching in, I pick out a small piece, watching as the setting sun danced across the surface, shining every colour of the rainbow onto the tarmac.

'S.G'

Chapter Three: FIN!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter, even though it’s kind of filler. Kie would be proud of Mason for beach combing, her tendencies are rubbing off on her.

I choose for Mason not to go to the motel because that’s just what I choose, I don’t really have a reason why. Well I do, but I can’t tell you yet. You’ll find out eventually, if my idea goes to plan...

So we learned about Mason very perfessional babysitting service. Also I know that Rafe is, y’know bad, but I’m excited to explore Mason’s relationship with him. It will be interesting to write!

What did you think?

I’m really excited to write the next chapter. Mason is going to get buzzed.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3

Also, if anyone would like to be tagged in future chapters, just let me know and I’ll for sure do that!

*TAGLIST*

@xshinytrashcanx​ @prejudic3​ @annoylinglyaries​

[marijeem]

hi! I saw your Jim Hawkins fanart and i could you maybe tell how this chracter change your life? send you big love

Hi! 

First of all, thank you for asking this question! As far as I know, you’ve sent it a while ago, and I feel like now it’s the right time to answer it. 

In order to give a coherent and more or less fulfilling answer as to why Disney’s Treasure Planet and its protagonist Jim Hawkins in particular are so important and literally life-changing to me, I have to start the story “from the beginning” which was approximately ten years ago. One day I was going through the list of Disney movies I wanted to download and watch (I’ve always been a huge movies&cartoons lover, so that’s always been a frequent pastime activity of mine), and I noticed this extremely cool pirate-and-space animated movie poster and sure enough!! I decided to include it in the list of movies to watch. I was really excited and couldn’t wait to put it on, and yet, when I clicked play, it turned out that I accidentally downloaded it in English. I am Russian and the Russian language is my mother tongue. I was around 12-13 at the time and I used to watch movies which were translated into my native language, that’s why I’ve got no idea how this could’ve happened. Even though I’ve been interested in languages, the level of my language proficiency was rather low and I couldn’t understand a thing. So, I watched it for a couple of minutes and shelved it. Outwardly the decision to just find the dubbed version of the movie and watch it instead might seem obvious and rather reasonable, right? But I haven’t even thought of it, because I fell in love with English that day.

Two or three years later I found the file on my computer and watched it. It was indescribably touching, relatable and homelike. It was cosmical. I saw myself in Jim, I felt like it was so similar to what I was going through and it was something I never expected to experience from it. I’ll try to explain what I mean, not sure if I’m really able to. Let’s say, I was a capable child, but I kept skipping classes (even those payed by my parents), I’d prefer riding my bike or roller-skating instead of school and homework, I was interested in completely different things. To be fair, there were lots of children who ditched school far more often and weren’t even trying to be good at their studies, thus the fact that I still managed to get good grades made me a nerd in their eyes, which continued up to the very last day of high school. In any case, my ‘potential’ was kinda thrown away and evidently all that could not but worry and upset my mom, who has always believed in me and seen that I could do better. Of course it made me feel awful and just as if I were a failure and a huge disappointment, and the story of Jim going on an adventure, finding and accepting himself felt so inspiring and encouraging, it filled me with emotions and hope, it was everything I wanted and everything I really needed. I still cry like crazy during the song and the night scene where Silver delivers his soulful monologue. That’s just what every human-being needs to hear in their hardest moments, right? (although that happened later) To know that someone is there for you, believes in you and accepts you no matter how messed up and broken you seem to be at the time. And since I felt this connection with this character mentally and emotionally, it had a really big impact on me.

Further on, I figured out that many amazing artists post TP fanart and Ocs online, and I wanted to be a part of it. And once I had this really breathtaking dream of ‘Treasure Planet II’ – true story – which was very detailed and visual, so I started working on it. In January 2012 I discovered DeviantArt and posted my first ever digital drawing there as well as the story written in English. I guess that’s when I started to take language learning and art more seriously, they became a part of me. As for drawing, it is my biggest hobby which I strive to turn into something more one day, and when it comes to languages, that’s my occupation. Three days ago I graduated, I’m a linguistics major (English and French).

Writing this answer made me go back and find another post from several years ago when I spoke about the same topic, and I wrote this: ‘Then there was a period in my life, sort of an adventure. I was finishing school, and to get into the University I had to pass very difficult exams, so I did and I finished school with a golden medal, which means that I’m an A student in all subjects. I felt like Jim did in the end of the movie. And now I’ve got one more aim, which is connected with my studies (there’re more of them, which are connected with art and animation). I really want to graduate from my University with ‘the red diploma’, being an A student again, but I do doubt that, 'coz it’s really SO hard to study here, some of the subjects and professors make me an angry vampire, they make me suffer.’ I did it, despite everything that had happened to me during this period, I did graduate with honors and I had no idea I wrote about it in 2015. And… I really felt like Jim both during the high school graduation ceremony and the graduation at university. In keeping with the tradition, I’d like to say that I really want to get a master’s degree XD and ‘the red diploma’ one more time lol

So, James Hawkins made me who I am today. I’m an art enthusiast, I’m a linguist, and I’m not 100% sure I would’ve been those if Treasure Planet hadn’t been accidentally downloaded and hadn’t rushed into my life at the right time. I wish I could expand the answer even more since there are a lot of things I would actually love to talk about hoping it might help someone, but it would be toooooo long (as if it is not already) and probably boring. So, yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

P.S. I’m so sorry I’ve been putting this off for so long, I wanted to draw a little illustration or something and give a nice answer. I’m really grateful you asked it, thank you!

[icequeen-shiva]

alright, you know what

about two weeks ago maybe by now, i made a post about how i’ve recently hit 200 followers and i’d like to do a q&a again, and even with a reblog from someone more ~*popular*~ than me, and multiple reblogs once a day for a few days by myself, i didn’t get a single fucking question. not one. earlier today i posted two pictures of myself where i felt pretty (i’ve since deleted them) and nobody i actually know of liked it and i got asked by a stranger who doesn’t even follow me if i had any nsfw pictures. i don’t get asks anymore, i don’t get shit. and that tells me that, you may be following me, but you aren’t connecting with me. and i feel that. i get on tumblr and i don’t feel like i’m friends with fucking anybody. and i did that. i know i did that. 9/10 times i let my fear of rejection and embarrassing myself overcome my desire to talk to people, so i don’t do it, or i let it fizzle out and we go our own ways and we don’t become friends. 1/10 times i actually function as a human being and make a connection or at least something that sticks a little.

so here, below the cut, is a comprehensive (loosely) list of things that i like, in no particular order at all, besides tickling, because apparently both sides of this need a little help connecting on any front.

scooby-doo

beetlejuice

the addams family

the sims

the mcu

classic disney animations; my favorites are dumbo, the great mouse detective, the rescuers, sleeping beauty, and oliver and company (it’s old enough that i consider it in the classic category)

~modern disney animations too; my favorites are treasure fucking planet, coco, and... i’m a sap, beauty and the beast. rise of the guardians too even though it isn’t disney.

musicals; i can’t pick a favorite just fucking ask me, but i don’t know a lot of newer ones honestly

empire records

the greatest showman still

cats (i mean the animals but i also like the show even though it is Weird As Hell)

my cat in particular

alice in wonderland

stranger things

space jam

tsum tsums

elvira, mistress of the dark

dice

kiki’s delivery service and specifically jiji things

winnie the pooh i don’t even fucking care i LOVE HIM AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

silly hats

playdoh

interesting earrings

exploring libraries or big bookstores

true crime mysteries; my favorite youtuber for this is georgia marie, bless her. i also watch bella fiori and kendall rae

fictional mysteries too

i have a kind of fascination with jack the ripper and with the lizzie borden case

shipwrecks! i don’t know why but shipwrecks fascinate me! why did they go down? all the stories that went with them!

i once read a novel that was told as a series of letters, or journal entries, by people on the titanic, including the iceberg and it was THE absolute saddest book i have ever read in my life. like, obviously i knew what was coming, but i got attached to the characters, the letters made them alive and it was just like... NO. NO I DON’T WANT THEM TO DIE. I KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO BUT THEY CAN’T. and it was awful. i had to put it down and cry.

cryptozoology

the bermuda triangle theories (i’m not saying i believe sOmEtHiNg’S gOiNg On but i think some of the theories are interesting)

ghosts

the nancy drew computer games

monopoly

i still play a lot of my snes games; my go-to time killer and head-clearer honestly is kirby’s avalanche. i also play a lot of super mario rpg legend of the seven stars, super mario world, kirby’s dreamland 3, and donkey kong 2 and 3

final fantasy x in which i’m guaranteed to call almost (i can’t stress that enough) every character at some point “my child”

hyrule warriors, i know it’s not a tRuE zelda game but it’s fucking fun

same with fire emblem warriors

red dead redemption

kingdom hearts

the uncharted series

splatoon but i don’t have it wahhhhh

mind you i am not very Good at videogames, i just like to play them anyway

game grumps

ninja sex party

jacksepticeye

markiplier

monty python

crocheting

tea

harry potter

classic rock. pretty big on queen lately. i like tom petty and the heartbreakers. i like joan jett and the blackhearts.

i just... like rock. across the board. i like the offspring. i like some rage against the machine songs. acdc on the radio makes me happy. def leppard on the radio makes me happy. beartooth, starset, powerman 5000, as long as it’s got a good beat and good stuff going on behind the vocals then i’m gonna be happy. i’m way more into the guitars and the bass and everything going on instrumentally than i am vocally, honestly. the whole big guitar solo to van halen’s “you really got me” and then that bassline that comes in, that bassline is sexy. it’s so simple but i LIKE it.

anyway music as a whole gets me right in the heart and can lift me up when i am at my literal worst point

it’s hard for me to name a favorite or specific bands that i like because there’s so many and i’m not really picky about it. 

pop vinyls

good ol’ vines

buffalo wings

mac and cheese

grilled cheese

dr. pepper

i drink a l o t of dr. pepper

pretending i know how to do makeup well

history; i watch a lot of expedition unknown and mysteries at the museum, and sometimes i’ll watch a free documentary on youtube if it catches my attention. last weekend i explained the donner party to my boyfriend. just.. on a whim. because i’d just watched a thing on it and he said he didn’t really know what it was. i’m that person.

OH I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS BACK AROUND TRUE CRIME BUT I READ A BOOK ABOUT H.H. HOLMES AND HIS MURDER CASTLE AND THE CHICAGO WORLD’S FAIR. it was by erik larson, i believe. larsen? i could google this. devil in the white city. there’s been talks to make it a movie. it’s a good read though i will admit i skipped a lot of the fair parts because i was there for the murder.

i also read a book about the lusitania by the same author and i was like ohhh my goooood what. it got a little boring sometimes, i had to push myself to keep going, but i would read dead wake again.

csi: miami reruns are the greatest thing don’t @ me

dark purple and black aesthetics

just like... witchy aesthetics. those colors and black cats

if you haven’t noticed by any selfies i’ve posted, i do have my lip pierced and i love finding new lip jewelry. i have a new opal stud in and i love its look

leather jackets

combat boots; i have a galaxy print pair and a pair with classic marvel comics stuff printed on the inside and you can fold down the sides to show it. they’re my faves.

owls

drunk history

the first 5 seasons of supernatural and i still have a soft spot for the winchesters and castiel

i’m slowly making my way through watching the librarians

i’m also making my way slowly through watching the magicians

(american) football

nature walks

going to the zoo

going to the aquarium

like really take me to either of the above and i will lose my shit

road trips

savannah, georgia

the smokey mountains

last august i drove by myself from ohio to boone, north carolina for a friend’s wedding and that wedding was smack on a mountain top and it was the coolest thing i think i’ve ever done

roller coasters BUT NOT EXTREME ONES baby steps ok

log rides tho, i don’t know why, i always love the water rides

ren faires!

cosplay, even though i’m not exactly active in it myself (but i want to be; one of my offline friends is an actually-getting-kind-of-internet-famous mei from overwatch cosplayer)

cards against humanity

foosball

pool but i suck at it

speaking of pools i love swimming ... but i suck at it, i just like boppin’ along in a pool

cookouts

summer

there is nothing like being out in the middle of nowhere in summer when the evening starts to fall and the sky is dark, dark blue and there’s a sea of shimmering lightning bugs out over a field. it’s beautiful. it’s peaceful.

there’s nothing like sitting outside on a calm spring night and listening to the spring peepers (they’re frogs) either.

if you couldn’t tell, i live in the middle of nowhere. i have to find enjoyment in the little things.

campfires

dancing around said campfire, you cannot have a campfire without good music. this is when a lot of my classic rock education came to pass.

elephants

my favorite books are the abhorsen trilogy by garth nix, tied with the serpent’s shadow by mercedes lackey

i am trying to get into comic books by way of the youtube channel comicstorian. they break comic books down for you and read them aloud with the images, altered slightly to avoid copyright strikes (and that’s all made very clear, it’s not done sketchily), and it’s been really easy for someone like me who doesn’t just have a comics store close (and i would otherwise continue on as i have been, forgetting to ever look for them on the internet). i listened to injustice 1 and 2, and they covered the game. i’m actively following scooby apocalypse, and there was some teen titans stuff i went all the way through up until now. i don’t think it’s finished yet from what i remember.

i love museums

candles

i actually kind of collect tea sets

i also have a collection of sand art bottles AND IF I’M EVER AT A FESTIVAL OR A FAIR WHERE THERE IS A SAND ART STAND YOU CAN BET I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE

yugioh duels; i’m definitely just a novice and it’s just a fun pastime my friends got me into when they found their giant binders of cards again

i’m not actually that big on pokemon, i don’t know a lot of them but it’s still fun and i know some. but i did love pokemon go when my friends still played it (don’t really have time anymore, and it kept crashing way too badly on one of their phones anymore anytime they tried to join a raid and it just wasn’t fun as a group then)

i don’t have any but i like the ~look of crystals and would like to have some, not for my own aesthetic but i just... like having pretty things!

listening to the rain

how the air smells (at least where i live) after a long rain and everything is just cleansed

depression has stopped me from writing for a long time but, in my heart, writing has always been something that has touched me ever since i knew how to do it and could put my stories down on paper instead of having to just talk about them... so i’m going to include that here

root beer floats

hotdogs

hard dip ice cream (if you don’t know what hard dip means... as my boyfriend didn’t... it means ice cream that you have to use a scoop with, not soft serve)

soft serve’s good too tho don’t get me wrong

strawberry milkshakes

this isn’t even stuff that anyone would need to know on this site to befriend me at this point, nobody’s gonna message me like HEY I READ YOU LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES ME FUCKING TOO

you’re cool if you do that lmao

so bad they’re good creature features from the 50s and 60s

the old godzilla movies

i like the moon more than the stars, but i like them too

flower crowns

bouncy balls

original skittles

this has gone on way too long, nobody is reading this, your mom’s a hoe, goodnight

no she’s not, i’m sorry, if you got this far then i hope your mom is a nice person

[youcantunringthebell]

Welcome to my uterus. Here’s my story. Now get out.

I wasn’t an irresponsible teenager or a single twentysomething or a victim of rape or incest or carrying a nonviable fetus when I had my abortion.

Arguably, I’d never been in a better position for motherhood, except I was pretty old for it at 42. I was married to a good, responsible man and working a high-stress but high-paying job.

I say all this knowing it’s none of your business that I had an abortion or why. But I tell you because my right to have one is under attack, and you need to know that people YOU know had abortions, and they had their reasons, and there aren’t certain people whose right to an abortion should be protected and those whose shouldn’t. My uterus, my choice, to be made with my partner, my doctor, my pastor and whoever I wish to gather data from. Normally, I’d tell you to stay out of it, but this damn country right now is prompting me to invite you into it for a little storytime.

My birth control, taken in pill form and missed probably three times in 20 years, had failed me. Turns out St. John’s wort, which I took to deal with that stressful job, interferes with the pill. (You may want to make a note of that, fertile women.) When my period hadn’t arrived a week after its scheduled time and I felt nauseated every morning, I took a pregnancy test just to calm myself down, because I KNEW there was no way I’d be pregnant.

I sat in our tiny downstairs bathroom with my pee stick and my phone, counting the minutes, and there it was: the second stripe. I worked up another pee for the second test. Double stripes. A tiny pinprick-stabbing sensation started at the top of my head and traveled to my fingertips. A child was something I wanted for literally one day when I was turning 35 and afraid of missing out on an experience most of my friends were treasuring. On THAT occasion, I skipped the pill and had sex with my first husband, only to fearfully gulp down two pills the next morning and start watching the calendar. That’s how opposed to motherhood I’ve been. Why? Probably because I’m the oldest of five children and was helping Mommy by the time I started kindergarten. Or maybe I think my screwed-up lineage should end with me. It doesn’t matter. That’s who I am.

I felt panicky. Without ever leaving the toilet, I looked up abortion clinics on my phone, and scrolling through my whole two options, it finally occurred to me I should tell the other person involved in this situation. I pulled up my underwear and opened the bathroom door. JJ was playing a video game, which he paused when he saw my face.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I told you my family’s sperm could overcome anything.”

I didn’t laugh. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do. I want to get an abortion. We also have gay friends who want a baby. Maybe we should consider that. But that would mean me going through a pregnancy and trying to figure out whether the baby would be healthy, and I don’t know if I could stand it.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t watch people we know raising my child.”

“I saw online where I could have an abortion on Tuesday. It’s $600,” I said. 

We sat in silence until he turned the video game back on. “Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re going to PLAY A VIDEO GAME RIGHT NOW?” I yelled.

Later, I figured out that was his way of numbing himself before he had a panic attack.

I took a sick day that Tuesday, and the two of us drove to a clinic in South Nashville. The woman on the phone told us to leave everything in the car except a method of payment. We couldn’t carry anything in — for security reasons. No books. No phones. Just a credit card carried on a short walk from the car, listening to protesters across the street shouting, “We can help you save your baby! Don’t do this! Think about it!”

As though I hadn’t thought about it. As though I hadn’t spent 30 years of fertility trying to avoid it. As though I would cross the street to people who were making a hard day even harder, asking them to save me. 

A stern, beefy man at the door gave us the once-over and let us in. I wore a pencil skirt and a suit jacket, as though dressing up somehow put me more in control over the procedure. The shabby, dated waiting room was absolutely packed, every seat taken by women of all races, old, middle-aged and young, sitting next to their boyfriends and sisters and moms, watching a game show on a small, fuzzy TV or flipping through faded women’s magazines, finding summer looks and risotto recipes and not talking.

At that time, 7 years ago, Tennessee required fetal viability tests but not a 48-hour waiting period, so I had a vaginal ultrasound, but at least I didn’t have to leave and come back after it. The embryo was 5 weeks, the size of an apple seed. It was not life. It was a mass of cells with the potential for life, existing because of my life. It wasn’t a person any more than an apple seed is an apple tree. 

So I was allowed to join the other women having medical abortions -- as opposed to surgical abortions, the other option -- and they took us back in groups of six to watch the required video. I don’t remember much about the video, but I remember well the “what are you in for” conversation we had. One woman was married and pregnant by her husband, who would beat her if he found out she’d gotten pregnant again. She lied to him so she could be at the clinic that day. Another woman got pregnant by her boyfriend while her husband was out of the state on a six-month work assignment. Another said she was there for her third abortion. I couldn’t imagine having to come back to that place once I’d been.

I paid my $600, minus a $20 coupon from the clinic’s website. I had a physical exam and took the first pill of a two-pill process — once you take the first one, you MUST take the second to flush out the uterine wall or risk infection, the doctor warned. They told me to come back in a few weeks to be sure I’d totally passed the embryo.

By Thursday, the day I was supposed to take the follow-up pills, I was in a regular hospital for a deep vein thrombosis and bilateral pulmonary embolism that had actually started weeks before I knew I was pregnant -- manifesting as a persistent calf cramp and the occasional shortness of breath I attributed to being fat and stressed. Likely, the combination of birth control pills and being pregnant caused a clotting disorder. I didn’t know about it until, dressed for work and walking out the door, I couldn’t breathe while I noticed my leg turning purple.

My primary care doctor at the time was the sweetest human on the face of the planet, so when he met me in the emergency room, he didn’t bat an eye at the news I was in the middle of a medical abortion process. “Just take the second dose of pills, and we’ll keep an eye on you here, overnight,” he said. He told me about a dear friend who died on a treadmill from this very clotting disorder, and how relieved he was that I’d come in when I did. Not an ounce of judgment or blame.

I’m not sure how I would have dealt with a pregnancy and treatment for my clotting disorder at the same time. I didn’t have to find out, because Tennessee law allowed me to make that decision about my own medical treatment, and an abortion clinic was available to me. That very clinic is closed now, regulated out of business by men and their self-hating women enablers bent on turning America into a theocracy. Neither JJ nor I regret our decision, and we are grateful for the men and women who risked their safety so we could make it. Some of them have been gunned down in the street for their roles in helping women like me. 

I absolutely respect people who are pro-life, as long as they don’t attempt to regulate my medical care and they do demonstrate a love for life already in the world. (Hello, Tim Kaine.) To those who would take away my rights: Ending abortion access wouldn’t have made me carry that embryo. I’d have spent my last dime traveling for an abortion, and I had dimes to spend. Women who don’t will do like a friend from the Kingdom Hall’s daughter, who punctured her uterine wall with a wire hanger when we were teenagers.

So I’ve told my story. If you can, tell yours. If you can’t, I completely understand. And I mean you too, men. Now get out of my uterus.

P.S. Apropos of nothing: The closest I came to losing it over having my abortion was when my editor at the paper assigned me to go back and cover a special protest IN FRONT OF THE SAME CLINIC only a month or two later. It was a bunch of teenagers led by a priest who taught at a Catholic school. I kept my composure and did the job. A few months after THAT, the priest called me up wanting a story done about the fact he was releasing an album, so I met him at a Music Row studio and wrote up a religion column about him. I asked if we could use a clip of one of his songs to run online with the column. He said no, because “someone might steal my licks.” In my opinion, the licks were not stealable, and to my knowledge, few people ever heard them, never mind stole them.

[purplemoonfox]

Watch the damn video. The title is upsetting but the video is good.

IMHO, yes and no to the tinfoily possibility of why this film flopped as presented by the video’s maker. I’ll explain why. Basically I agree wholeheartedly, but I don’t go in for conspiracy theories as such. One of these days I’ll write down my thoughts on Star Wars, fandom,society, and the early 2000′s. It’s part of my continuing if unwritten theory on All Else Aside, Why Advertising Should Be Heavily Regulated, closely related to Corporations Are Not People, Fuck Off Don’t @ Me. Also closely related to Ethics: The Class No One Likes In Business School Which Is Hilariously Ironic For A Lot Of Reasons. Little under grad me was sitting in a business school once and my friend walked over laughing. Apparently he’d overheard some business kids whining about how boring and useless ethics class was.

I’m a bit of a misanthropic shit with a bone to pick if you can’t tell.

Anyway--

If you asked me whether Disney had some grand, literally planned out conspiracy in torpedoing this movie, just so they could welch on a deal made with one of the previous execs, I’d say you’re reaching. Frankly, as they say, Disney is a business. Regardless of whatever face it puts on, Disney is a business. If they wanted it to flop they didn’t want a $70 million plus deficit. That’s why it freaked the fuck out after Solo flopped, which isn’t fair to Solo since poor Solo, which grew on me massively since I was somewhat bewildered by it at first (if anyone’s curious I’ll talk about that later) was in a somewhat similar situation when it went up at a weird time of year against DP2, the marketing was absolute shit because they’d practically given up after the backlash against a young Han Solo full stop, and they used a filthy casual generalist’s character (Han Solo) to showcase some very specialist in fandom’s details like (SPOILER?) Maul being alive again. But I do like the point the video maker made about the DVD release and winter movies, and the release environment. 

So let’s re-establish some points that the video maker made.

1. This was a personal passion project from the beginning, not a studio or company thing.

The directors struggled since 1987 to get this thing into motion and it was on an agreement made with an exec that it was ever put in motion.

2. This film spared no expense. 

The visual animation in this film is very well done. But it’s basically Disney animation tossing out all the stops. Which, honestly, was what they generally do when innovating, but...this is an animator’s and director’s movie. In a sense it’s an art film done by masters of their craft, but marketed by someone who is more interested in what sells. You want to know when we’ll get less Star Wars and MCU? Stop buying quite so much of it all. I say, as I’m going to run out and get me some sweet Dooku comics. Shut up. It’s not hypocrisy if I know what I’m enabling...LOL.

But here’s another thing that the video maker lauds, but forgets that studios can be really fucking finicky about this kind of off the wall risk-taking---

3. It’s anomalous in a lot of ways. 

That’s going to scare people in the industry because it’s not the tried and true that often wins the Benjis the easiest for the least effort. There’s a reason we now see so many franchises with long-running film series and remakes and sequels and so on--they have established characters in established universes that makes marketing have an easier time of establishing rapport with an audience and attracting attention. They don’t have to make anything new; new doesn’t even make as much money. Treasure Planet came out in 2002 for reference, POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl came out in 2003, so it was in that time period when movies didn’t necessarily have interconnected franchises and were instead relatively more separate iterations unto themselves, kind of like Rocky or Rambo, so it was a little before the era of massively planned out story arcs. I don’t think Marvel ever really had a plan to make the MCU as we know it today, I don’t think George Lucas knew what the fuck he was kicking off when he released TPM in 1999, which is to say the resurgence of Star Wars in concurrence with the rise of modern fandoms starting with the release of Pokemon in 1996 and continuing to play a big part in the lives of Millennials nostalgia is one of the few marketing techniques that work on us...and yes I can show studies. But studios chased that profit relentlessly and it eventually coalesced into something like a plan oh god I’ll move on or I’ll go into Star Wars and we’re not here for that.

I think people rely too much on the assumption that there must be some kind of dedicated conspiracy to bring outcomes like these, like they’re never the product of an unhappy outcome of multiple issues going on independently and congruently. Sometimes that involves personal issues on the part of the people making the decisions that affect something. Roads to hell and all that.

Okay.

The company wasn’t excited about it, it was something those newer CEOs couldn’t pull the plug on once they inherited it. And the company may not have wanted to make the second? Yes, all possible. Even likely. I’m also strongly reminded of Erich von Stroheim’s Foolish Wives, which got him banned from directing for life and established the supremacy of studios over directors forevermore.

Risks too many risks are anathema to a moneymaking entity in the black. These directors may have dragged Disney out of the shitter but now they were sitting comfortably on a pile of cash, and risk is a lot less costly--when you want to take it. When.

I’ve read some, not much, about social economic status and behavior. Rich people have less to lose when taking risks, so they can say cute things like “well just go off and do it and see what you get!” and possibly just face a setback, when for someone in a lower income status the possible outcome of risk is actual destitution. The former sees only potential benefit, the latter only danger.

Moneymaking institutions, on the other hand, tend to resist risk and change when the possible outcome is less money. If anything, they want just enough innovation to draw interest, but not enough to surprise or put people off. Side note: if Disney ever teamed up with Wal-Mart I’m going to call it Shin-Ra and no one can stop me. Disney in the shitter? Fuck yes, take risks--what we’ve got isn’t working and we desperately need to make money somehow. Disney not in the shitter? Fuck no, don’t take risks--what we’ve got is working and you’re possibly going to do something people won’t like so we won’t make money. Who cares if the two people at the head of the project are the reason you’re sitting on a mountain of cash right fucking now? A board without the risk of default only sees dangers, they’re not seeing potential benefits.

If anything there was a level of resignation and “fuck it, let’s let them do this because we kind of have to and see how it goes, this was their project, not ours” and a lot of “see, told you so! Now get back to work!” that went on. But it’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy that they won’t own up to, in that lack of an advertisement campaign in the run up to the release. They set the movie up to fail not because of a planned conspiracy but because of a risk-minimization impulse and...then make less than astute assumptions about what it was about the movie that caused it to fail--then plan off of all that.

Now. Going to change gears a little and go on a bit of a tangent, because it relates to that very last point--the part about moving forward.

Remember when this happened. The early 2000′s. What was emerging right around the early 2000′s? That’s right. CGI animation. Did Disney scrap their whole animation studios and pare it down to projection work after that spate of less-than-stellar performances before the Disney Renaissance? Did they blame animation itself for its faults? No they did not, but it would become a convenient whipping boy.

I got into a pretty unpleasant argument a few months ago when, having been asked what unpopular opinion one has on a thread, I said that I wished Disney hadn’t closed their 2D animation. I love 2D. I really do. Most of the people who replied were like “you do realize that isn’t an unpopular opinion kthx” and I was like “ok fair enough.”

But then this mouth-breathing chucklefuck that apparently can’t read labels thought it was cute to try and tell me why I’m wrong for me to have my own fucking opinion what a cute notion. He was a fucking twit, but I got a few salient points out of it to roll over in my head anyway. I strongly suspect he had something to do with the industry itself because of the points he made. He didn’t change my mind, but some points are worth thinking about.

1. Disney is for kids. Okay. Not if they don’t want to tap into more than just parents strapped for cashs’ pockets, but the movies are still made to be accessible and engaging for younger people, so I rolled my eyes and moved on.

2. Related to the first point, kids don’t like 2D animation anymore because they’re used to 3D because that’s what all their other entertainment is is. Why?

3. INNOVATION. EVERYONE WANTS INNOVATION AND GETS BORED WITHOUT 100% FULL THROTTLE VISUAL INNOVATION. YOU’RE JUST BEING A BITTER OLD NOSTALGIA HOUNDING HAG. 

Medium aside, the rest to a movie is really just window dressing; Moana had fantastic and original music as well as otherwise being visually stunning too, granted, because in no way am I hating on 3D itself; the point is it’s not an opera singer standing in for the voice actress, much as I love Beauty and the Beast’s animated soundtrack, but music can be played regardless of animation medium. And you’re damn right we could’ve had a Polynesian Princess before now.

Of the two I found the second point more interesting and less inane. The third was just...charming.

Now. Just to go back to Star Wars real quick to make a point; the OT is filmed in a way consistent with the time period it was made in. I’ve known people who tell me that they prefer the sequels and that ANH, ep 4 the one with the Death Star for anyone wandering in, not the one with Ewoks or Hoth, is boring. Why? Because it’s filmed like a movie from 1978, which means its pacing is different and so are the camera angles and so on. Because, uh, it’s a movie from 1978. What an original fucking concept. If you need a comparison for what was otherwise more or less the standard of SFX in the day, pop in Star Trek: The Motion Picture, 1979 I’m not hating on Trekkies, I love you guys. Star Wars is phenomenally ahead of its time. For an older version, guys, I may loathe Citizen Kane with every fiber of my salty little being, but I will give it full credit for the innovations it made in camera angles and scene setting. 

All of this is not to forget The Princess and The Frog in 2009, which was great, but it didn’t smash through the roof like this was the end of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

So. We had Treasure Planet, whose release was a wretched cluster of fuck. We had Winnie the Pooh, which isn’t...well, guys, it’s not an original story, and then we had Home on the Range, which I’ve never seen. I enjoyed Brother Bear, but I swear the being a bear for most of the movie kind of killed the ability of a lot of people to put themselves in their shoes. Because let’s face it--if we’re going for blaming thematic issues, romance is still a part of the Disney theory, even if we’ve finally reached the point of questioning some of its normal tenets--not marrying someone you just met and why is everyone dancing come to mind oh Flynn Rider you fucking gem you. But none of that is made impossible by the medium of 3D. And why the fuck is everyone ignoring Mulan and Esmeralda in all this anyway. Well, poor Esmeralda always gets the short end of the stick. I swear though that woman did convince me that I could be fucking badass in a skirt though.

Meanwhile we see the rise of Pixar. In 1995, we had Toy Story my mother dragged us to see that movie seven times in theaters. Now that I think about it I shouldn’t be surprised that the woman was fascinated with the concept of a secret world anonymously devoted to the person that plays with them in a way that makes them literally dolls on shelves, since...reasons. Monsters, Inc., in 2001, Finding Nemo in 2003, The Incredibles in 2004, and Wall-E and Up in 2008 and 2009, respectively--after the acquisition by Disney in 2006. They haven’t done quite so well recently, their stock has taken on more sequels decently good sequels, granted, not the shitty made for video stuff that Disney put out, and some others. I’ll be annoyed if they make a sequel for Wall-E; I don’t know what that would look like. Maybe rediscovering the concept of competition over resources and nostalgia for the good old days of space. Nah. That just sounds like why Tolkien never wrote a sequel to LOTR.

I brought that bit about Treasure Planet (2002), Brother Bear (2003), Home on the Range (2004), and The Princess and The Frog (2009) up to mainly make the point that after Treasure Planet’s lackluster response until The Princess and The Frog, Disney gave it anything but relatively normal big-name projects...and then topped it off with Winnie the Pooh in 2011, which was never going to be a blowout hit. I like Winnie the Pooh itself enough to not disdain it, but I don’t like it enough to spend money on a fucking movie ticket. Mostly just tolerated it in Kingdom Hearts if not ignored it when I could. 

Now, you might think that the immediately previous statement basically made my point entirely invalid, but I also brought up that bit about the highly successful Pixar, which they bought in 2006. They pretty much lost interest and moved on to the shiny new thing; The Princess and The Frog really only got made because John Lasseter and Ed Catmull wanted to make it; Disney had meant to shut 2D animation down. Then it had some controversy, though to my knowledge the film did its best to resolve the issues. Furthermore, despite the fact that we were supposed to get more animated films because it did well, The Princess and The Frog, despite its success, we got the rug pulled out from under us when they didn’t get enough money.

Look. Every thirty years or so, somebody swears that they just invented 3D screens. While not on a television, they’ve had “how to make visual representation look 3D” since 1838. No, not 1938. 1838. It’s a stupid gimmick, and it will be a stupid gimmick the next time they bring it up, too. They have tried to sell 3D tv screens in the past, and it failed then, too. The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes it’s not the medium that’s at fault, although some people in the industry itself seem to blame it for not being “new” enough, as if it’s not their failure to innovate effectively and then do their due diligence that’s to blame. Disney basically shot themselves in the foot over Treasure Planet and hand-drawn animation in general, and threw up their hands, affected to forget that any of that ever happened, and blamed the gun that they suddenly found sitting at their feet--not because Treasure Planet was fated to be a failure from inception, or that 2D animation is intrinsically inferior to 3D and/or is less interesting to small children because it’s just older if that were the case and frankly, that point about kids and 3D and preference...well, Paw Patrol isn’t every kid’s show in existence, there are 2D animated kid’s shows, and Pixar would never have bothered researching Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin for wordless language while making Wall-E.

[ouidamforeman]

I got tagged by @houseofoakdown to do this, so

(The rules are answer these 85 questions about yourself and tag 20 people)

1. Last drink: tea

2. Last phone call: I think it was to my mom asking when she’d get home? Idk

3. Last text message: Just “Why” lmao

4. Last song you listened to: I was half asleep but I think it was Off With Her Head by Icon for Hire

5. Time you cried: Three days ago for a reason I’m over now but don’t want to talk about

6. Dated someone twice: pffffffft no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: Yes but not to death

10. Been depressed? Yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? I think alcohol is disgusting so never

12. Favorite colors: Golden sunshine yellow

13. Light leaf green

14. The bluest blue

In the last year have you:

15. Made new friends? Yes

16. Fallen out of love? No

17. Laughed until you cried: probably

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes

19. Met someone who changed you? Probably

20. Found out who your friends are? Uhhhh idk probably

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list? Joke’s on you I don’t have Facebook. So I guess I’ll apply this to all social media instead, then the answer is no.

General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl? Facebook no, for other social media it’s only a few because I usually only use social media to communicate with my friends and most of them are online. Some of my internet friends I’ve gotten phone numbers and emails and mailing addresses for though so that’s a little more irl than just an internet friend.

23. Do you have any pets? I have two very big dogs but they live at my dad’s house while I live with my mom

24. Do you want to change your name? Only when I’m feeling really insecure, because it’s a really out of the ordinary name

25. What did you do for your last birthday? I made a beautiful lemon cake it was wonderful

26. What time did you wake up today? 8:25 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Reading

28. What is something you can’t wait for? The new Doctor Who season, and for that charity book I contributed to to come out

30. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, unless traffic outside my window counts

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? I’m pretty sure I have but it’s not someone I regularly talk to

32. Something that’s getting on my nerves? My dad keeps texting me about this one art thing I did and I don’t feel like answering

33. Most visited website? Probably tumblr, and Timelash, that Doctor Who website that logs new media. Plus I’m on google drive a lot.

34. Hair color: v dark brown

35. Long or short hair: usually medium or shoulder length but it’s long rn and I need a haircut

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Only fictional characters lol

37. What do you like about yourself? My ability to do art, and the fact that I’m very kind and have a strong desire to help people, especially kids and old people, and give them the respect they deserve

38. Want any piercings? My ears are pierced and I don’t want any more

39. Blood type? Don’t remember

40. Nicknames? Ouida to all my friends I met online, even the ones I know irl now, and I have cousins I’m close to who call me Star (because in fifth grade we decided my Elvish name was Nestariel and it stuck forever)

41. Relationship status? Single but I don’t want to be in a relationship

42. Zodiac: Libra

43. Pronouns: She/her but I don’t mind being called they/them by people who don’t know that or don’t know me

44. Fave tv shows: Nothing can touch Doctor Who but right now I’m really into MST3K too

45. Tattoos: I don’t have any now but maybe someday

46. Right or left handed? Right

47. Ever had surgery? I’ve had my tonsils and wisdom teeth removed

48. Just ears

49. Sport: ew. I actually used to play softball and like football in elementary school though when I didn’t know who I was yet lol

50. Vacation: I’ve been to Colorado and Vermont many times, Florida, California, South Dakota, Nebraska, New Mexico, Arizona, Washington DC, New York City, Maryland, and New Jersey, and a lot of tourist attractions in Pennsylvania (my home state), but never out of the US. I’d like to go all over Europe and see museums and historical sites though.

51. Trainers: What kind of answer is this question even looking for

More general:

52. Eating: a blueberry muffin

53. Drinking: water

54. I’m about to watch: I’ll probably watch Castle later today idk

55. Waiting for: my doctor’s appointment today

56. Want: to not go to my appointment lol

57. Get married? Idk only if I find the perfect person someday, it’s not really important to me

58. Career: I want to be a teacher, artist/illustrator, and education activist

Which is better?

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller

62. Older or younger: older

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms

64. Hookup or relationship: hookup is ew, so relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger? No

67. Drank hard liquor? No

68. Lost glasses? Not for an extended period of time

69. Turned someone down? A few times

70. Sex on first date: I’ve never even desired to be on a date

71. Broken someone’s heart? Yes and I was really uncomfortable about it for days

72. Had your heart broken? Yes but not romantically

73. Been arrested? No

74. Cried when someone died? The only experiences I’ve had with people I know dying have been a great uncle I didn’t know well and a teacher in sixth grade, and I don’t think I cried either time but I was pretty distraught about the teacher.

75. Fallen for a friend: a little bit, it didn’t become a serious crush though

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself: I’m tryin

77. Miracles: I think so

78. Love at first sight: maybe

79. Santa Claus: Yes but not in the literal sense of a guy in a red suit coming down ur chimney

80. Kiss on a first date: sure

81. Angels: not Biblical angels, but yes

Other:

82. Best friend’s name: I can’t choose my best friends I have a few and I love them equally

83. Eye color: blue/gray

84. Fave movie: I have several but rn it’s probably Treasure Planet

85. Fave actor: Uhhhh idk, everyone in Doctor Who

I tag my buddies@madfanboyinablueblog and @thetardiswhoneverwas

[flowerpuffs]

here's a little embarassing thing about me: i am! so! obsessed! with! my! gadgets! remember how i keep on telling you i've been really busy with my preps for CETs and how my parents imposed strict curfews and schedules to maximize the little time i have to study? yep, that's not exactly how it's been working out with my life right now. i do study but i occasionally check on my phone, respond on messages on tumblr, tweet things, watch 2 or 3 unrelated youtube videos after finishing like 3 or 4 academic ones and many many more! this is why as most of you might have noticed, despite being "busy," i still regularly respond to your messages, check on my tag, reblog your stuff, despite running a queue. it's equally embarassing as it is horrifying. and i feel terrible about it. although i must admit that i've had a pretty legitimate and respectable outcomes, at the end of the day, i know i can do better. and guess who's the culprit who keeps on distracting me? yep, that's right: my one and only treasured possesion- my cellphone. two, three, or four years ago, my mother began noticing this quite destructive addiction of mine. she will often times call me out, saying things like: "hey, you should spend more time with your family." or "i will definitely confiscate your phone if you still act like this in a week." and of course i was threatened as heck because i dont want to lose my cellphone. so, i will pretend i don't use it in the morning but later that night, when im all alone in my room, you will see my hiding under my blankets laughing all by myself because of dank memes™ or googling cute dog pictures. being the 'milennial' and 'god they're just being lame because they're obviously not from my generation' am, i did not know then the extent of my obsession. not until recently! there is nothing wrong with using technology or gadgets. if anything, they help us become more productive and practically make our lives way, way easier! however, like what they all say, a little much of something is not a good thing! and the same goes with my so-called gadget addiction. while scrolling through my feed one time, i stumbled upon this article written by emma on messyheads entitled "cant call, im in cuba" published two months ago. and i was frankly baffled. she opened her article with a scientific study concluding that an average person spends right about 300 times a day checking on their phone. yep, you got that right: 300 freaking times of checking on my emails, my twitter, tumblr, responding to messages, et. and while that figure might seem surprising to you. i've read another article stating that an average person spends right about 5 hours per day just doing their thing on their mobile! yep, that's right five freaking hours of looking on that lil bright screen! and just like what emma said on her article, there's way too many things that you could do on the span of just endlessly scrolling through your dash like finishing an entire course for my CETs preps/reviews, cooking 10 different dishes, working on my painting, working on my embroidery skills, finishing a harry potter book, etc! and you know what this literally made me realize? technology defeated the purpose of helping me become productive because instead, i end up being even more unproductive. and did achieve anything from all the things that i've been? absolutely nothing. the even funnier part is: i have absolutely no idea what i do with those five freaking hours! i mean, time flies so fast when you're enjoying something, that's true but i dont even know if im exactly enjoying what im doing because if anything, it only makes me feel even more guilty and terrible about it! i already have no idea where this text post is going but i guess while writing this i was able to realize a couple of things: my patience significantly declines and i tend to appreciate little things less once get too caught up with my phone. 1. patience: the thing about me is i am an incredibly, commendably patient person. i wait for my turn and i believe in its power and value that is fundamental in becoming an ethical person. however although this is very embarrasing to admit, i have realized that using my phone massively declined my patience. how did i know? well, it took me an entire day to write this post because when im done with like a sentence or two, i tend to get distracted with my notifications and wander off of my notepad and start interacting with people. i know there is nothing wrong with that because the world practically revolves around the internet right now. but unfortunately, when i became addicted with my mobile, i am no longer just using it because i have something important to accomplish; rather it became an itch that needs to be scratched and i use it just because i want to instead. 2. appreciation: this is quite frankly probably the saddest part about my cellphone addiction. you know how much i love the little things about people and the world, right? yep. however, due to this addiction, i tend to focus more on my cellphone screen and not the beautiful things around me. i mean, sure you can google #goals stuff or see even more aesthetic things on tumblr, but i think there is still nothing more beautiful than having the chance to see something magical first hand! furthermore, when im out with my family for dinner, i have realized an even more heartbreaking thing: we no longer converse the way we used to! because instead of communicating or asking for menu first, we ask for for the wifi password and live our social media life instead. i mean, sure we still talk but im not that stupid to not realize that it's not like it used to be when my brother and i were 11 or 10. it's an ugly realization that i hope would eventually change. i have nothing against the usage of social media as a platform to express yourself or to get friends from all over the world. i believe, as a matter of fact, that it is one of the most revolutionary things that this planet was able to create and i frankly believe that it will be for a long, long time. however, i think it is also still very important to shut out of it once in a while, give yourself a break, a breather, and just enjoy your life the way our ancestors or grandparents would even without the internet. try turning off your gadgets once in a while and i promise you will see a significant difference and feel more comfortable with your own skin! because although it feels good to live a life that's filled with so many notifications, attention, and validation from all over the world, it feels even better to just have a little space outside the boundary with fresh air, lots of trees, and flowers, where you could be yourself.

[bonesingerofyme-loc]

in which what the fuck happened

so i’ve finally gotten around to watching season 4 of the expanse, everyone’s favorite science fiction tv show. i shall not call it a space opera because i actually know what a space opera is.

i’ve just finished episode 8 and what precisely the fuck happened though

this season is a mess

in no particular order, we have

* the Ilus plot, in which it appears the Bezos Bux weren’t enough to afford a larger cast, so there’s three belters with speaking roles and a really, really bad rebellious teenager plot that makes me feel like i’m watching a fucking scalzi novel (which is not praise). The Ilus plot in which murtry swings between being a Bad Man with Justifiable Reasons to being a mustache twirling villain, where Holden doesn’t just hold the idiot stone, he fucking swallows it along with Elvi and also the TV show does that TV show thing where they make really, really stupid design choices that leave you scratching your head. more on this all later

* the earth plot, in which Chrisjen Avasarala is never wrong once but everyone around her acts like she’s executing her political opponents in the streets and trying to sacrifice babies to satan

* the mars plot, in which bobbie has a nervous breakdown over the course of about three days and resets all her character development to her first introduction

* the belter plot in which Dummer continues to be a national treasure and Not-Ashford is still very enjoyable and they prove they are the only competant fucks in the entire fucking Belt but the writers do their level best to sabotage every second of it

Right, so, specifically

Let’s start with Ilus

I think my overall issues here can be summed up with this statement

“The set design, knowing that the heroes would be riding out a world spanning tsunami and flood, decided the optimal way to adapt the descriptions of the shell buildings from the novel to be THIRTY FEET UNDER THE SURFACE OF THE FUCKING PLANET THAT IS GOING TO BE FLOODED.”

My brother and I looked at each other and burst out laughing at the end of the episode in which Holden gets yote across the room by the deluge of water. The deluge of water from the planetwide tsunami. The deluge of water from the planetwide flood that placed the water a good forty feet ABOVE the interior rooms.

The planetwide flood that did not begin to recede for days. In a building riddled with holes and also one big giant one they made. 

This encapsulates to many of the problems in this season in a single example. Writing choices and design choices that appear to be conceived of in the moment without any thought to the rest of the plot. Drama for the sake of drama. Convenient reveals after the fact to patch holes set up by the previous lack of foresight. 

We later see the entry area is flooded, appearing to imply that the room they descend into initially is just a lower area that totally flooded and that they are at ground level in the rest of the complex. As if to acknowledge that, oops, yes, maybe having this complex be situated forty feet under the water level with holes all the fuck over means everyone would drown, so here’s a solution - except, except

When everyone got in right before the flood, they were all standing packed like sardines down in that low entry room. Which started flooding due to the fucking firehose deluge that came in because hello a piece of reinforced sheet metal isn’t going to be watertight in the slightest. So you’ve got water pouring into a small contained space packed with about forty people and supplies - that’s going to be ruining supplies and equipment because it’s saltwater and people are going to be panicking. How do they climb out the other side? There’s no ropes or lines there, it would seem, since everyone was still shuffling around in the entry area when the flooding started. How do they managed to get ropes or lines up to the higher areas in the building before people are trampled or drowned or all their supplies ruined? Why the fuck didn’t the goddamn building just have openings on the ground level leading into a bunch of interior rooms like it fucking did in the fucking novel because the fucking authors despite their other fucking flaws at least fucking planned ahead and had fucking editors that fucking made sure that things were fucking intelligently designed?

Oh, right. So that we could have a fucking scene where Holden has to escape from a closing door or be smushed. Because Holden definitely was in danger of dying and everyone believed it. Fuck. PLAN MORE THAN ONE EPISODE AHEAD.

Related to that - I’m loving the insistence that TV and movies have to make everything related to the main character, and not even tangentially. Directly, directly related. Remember how Ilus fucking asploding was a major oops that wasn’t anyone’s fault? Now it has to specifically be Holden’s fault since he can’t stop sticking is dick in things, so all the deaths are directly on his shoulders. Great job. Really, really great. 

A nitpick here that doesn’t matter - remember when the moons were described as low-albedo and the nights were super dark? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

The Felcia plotline is awful too. Some random teenager stows away to orbit and then becomes instrumental in saving the Barbapiccola despite no experience and completely overriding the actual crew on board. Come on. Come on.

Also - thanks Holden and Elvi, you utter mouthbreathing nonces for not once thinking ‘Gee, maybe I should ask/tell about the MEDICATIONS THAT I AM CURRENTLY ON.’ It doesn’t make it an epiphany moment or a revelation when they realize his oncocidals are the cure, it makes them looking like absolute idiots. Holden, you shoot up daily. DAILY. You told Elvi about being a genetic hybrid. You didn’t think to tell her about the eighty gorillion rads you ate like soup on Eros and the fact that you’re swimming in anti-cancer meds?

Come the fuck on. Come. The. Fuck. On.

Stop making characters idiots to make the plot work. 

Leaving Ilus, there’s Earth.

Fucking Earth.

So Arjun is now Avasarala’s campaign manager and a completely different person. The lack of chemistry between the two actors is so profound that scientists are considering writing a thesis on it as quantum mechanics actually should forbid such an extreme effect. He’s also not Arjun, since he’s alternating between unctuous and judgmental about as often as Naomi switches between an English accent and a butchered attempt at Belter. So that’s swell, we have to deal with a new actor and a brand new character who is awful and should never have been because Arjun was a chill lad and didn’t deserve this.

On the poitical side is Avasarala, who literally cannot stop being right all the time. Seriously, why is everyone up her ass about THE MEANS AND THE ENDS AND YOU LIE AND ITS ALL ABOUT YOU.

I mean sure it is all about her but she hasn’t been wrong yet. And a person can be both selfish and helpful. I couldn’t believe with Arjun got asspained about Avasarala leaking confidential footage of ancient inimitable alien machines that melt moons and blow up hemispheres of planets when the 0 and 1s are switched as a completely reasonable attempt to instill a very healthy and very justified caution in the general populace over the gigantic alien relic that was made out of a hundred thousand people ground up into blue gatorade and marinated on Venus after it broke the fucking laws of physics several times to link up to a pocket dimension that casually rewrites it’s own rules. 

Like what the fuck Arjun, where do you get off judging Avasarala for releasing information about the extremely unpredictable and dangerous two billion year old alien doom machines that are scattered around the galaxy. Is it totally to her own benefit? Absolutely. Is it also totally the right thing to do? Also absolutely because you’ve got Gao hot under the collar about wanting to yeet every willing body through the ring gates into a hotbed of who-the-fuck-knows and acting like it’s the best thing since sliced bread.

Fuck.

Then we’ve got the marine raid. Avasarala is approached by her military advisors and generals who present to her a plan of action to go after a known terrorist who just attempted a direct attack on Earth’s defenses, defenses that I might add are not like ‘to keep people out’ but are actively existential defenses. So they bring a plan to her, lay it out, and she approves it, then when it goes tits up, the fucking General who planned it, brought it to her and executed it has the gall to blame HER for it failing (what) then resign because he can’t serve someone who plays loose with his soldier’s lives (WHAT) and then everyone gets assmad at her for costing like twelve marine’s lives in an attempt to capture a terrorist responsible for several hundred deaths already (WHAT) and then, and THEN siding with the OPA for Avasarala ‘breaking the peace’ when the UN went after a terrorist the OPA is known to have let go???

What the FUCK was going on in the writing room.

Meanwhile on Mars, Bobbie is going batshit insane. After btfoing a bunch of druggies to save her nephew she gets roped into some illegal stuff and then has a moral conundrum about it for maybe five seconds and then it like yeah nvm let’s steal this shit Y E E T. The very same Bobbie that was willing to go AWOL from her command, run to her own nation’s enemy during a cold war and refuse to ever budge on her testimony because the truth and honor meant that much to her.

Yeah.

Okay.

Then she meets a dude on sunday, goes on a date with him monday and tuesday, they bang on wednesday, then on friday he gets a job on Europa and is gonna leave and they have a fight as if they’d been seeing each other for months.

Uh.

Unless this show is doing completely different time scales for different plots, which they’ve failed utterly to communicate, we know how much time has passed. Bobbie met the dude like a fucking week ago, why is this full bore romantic drama as if they’d been in a committed relationship for months? They’ve literally banged twice in a hotel room and not even stuck around for cuddles.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I don’t have much to complain about with Drummer and Ashford. I really like them both and both are fun to watch. They’ve also been treated the most reasonably too in terms of not acting like fuckwits or being dealt retarded hands by the plot thus far.

This season is awful. The Expanse was always subtitled ‘The Expounding’ because of how characters could, at the drop of a hat, produce a minute long monologue about anything, but this season it’s taken that and cranked it to eleven. Every other sentence is an ingratiating platitude about ‘hopeful we’re hopeful future happy live we’ll live yay see each other again strong be strong and brave firm strong and hopeful’. Fuck. Naomi exists to look sad and give brave monologues to people, especially the now lobotomized Lucia who apparently did die and came back without agency. Alex sort of just exists, drifting from scene to scene as if saying ‘I’m still here, guys. Guys? Guys...’ every antagonist takes three minutes to lay out their life story and evil beginnings and rationale only to suddenly flip the tables a few episodes later only to play a reverse uno card and be mustache twirlingly diabolical right after. 

Oh yeah, and because this is my personal autism button:

NO, ELVI, THAT IS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS. LIFE MIGHT NOT ‘JUST AS EASILY’ BE BASED ON SOMETHING ELSE. THAT IS NOT HOW FUCKING PHYSICS WORKS. OTHER ELEMENTS ARE NEITHER AS PREVALENT NOR AS USEFUL IN FORMING BONDS AS CARBON. YOU COULD SAY ‘LIFE MIGHT RARELY AND EXTREMELY DIFFICULTLY BE MADE OF SILICON’ BUT DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY ‘JUST AS EASILY. ALSO IRON. IRON. ARE YOU REALLY, REALLY GOING TO SAY IRON COULD BE USED AS A CHEMICAL BASIS FOR LIFE, BECAUSE HOLY COSMIC BULLSHIT BATMAN.

IN THE WORDS OF HERMIONE GRANGER: ARE YOU A HARD SCIFI OR NOT??

[whatanerdgirlsays]

If you’ve been living under a rock or simply don’t live in California so your entire world doesn’t revolve around the Disneyland Resort, then you may not know that the newest addition to the park – Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge – has officially opened as of this past Friday.

I’ve been excited about this for FOUR years now, since the announcement that there would be a Star Wars themed land. The closer it got though, the more that it just seemed like it wouldn’t be in the cards for me though. I unfortunately haven’t been able to afford an annual pass in quite some time, and a day ticket is a lot for me. I was counting down the days until opening but I had a feeling that I would not be there.

That literally changed about three weeks ago. Let me start with a little backstory. I’ve been to Disneyland a handful of times in the past two years and I took the same picture every single time, starting with one taken in August of 2017. They had started the construction on Galaxy’s Edge and there was a really cool walkway and wall leading to where the land was going to be. I took a picture sitting in front of it, staring wistfully at the picture, and posted it on Instagram, joking about how I was first in line.

I was contacted by someone named Frank, who is now a friend of mine after two years of instagram following, who let me know that my picture caught the eye of Disney and they wanted to know if they could have permission to use the image in promotion stuff. I thought it was kind of crazy, but gave my information and thought nothing of it. Frank and I stayed IG friends though and that was great!

A few weeks ago, Frank reaches out to me, asks for my email, saying that Disney Parks wants to get in contact with me. Hmm, okay. So I passed along my email – which is basically public anyway – and waited. I received an email from someone named Mark, who works for Disney Parks, asking if he could have ten to fifteen minutes to chat on the phone with me. After Googling him frantically and finding that he seemed pretty legit, I okayed the phone call. It basically boiled down to they can’t tell me why, but they want to come film me being surprised with…something. I set it up for a few days later.

Long story short – which you guys know I’m NEVER good at – Mark, one of the Disneyland Ambassadors, Justin, and a full camera crew came to my apartment and surprised me with a trip to Galaxy’s Edge before it opened to the public.

And while I had a *slight* idea that it had to do with SWGE, I had no idea it would be this and I was in awe of this opportunity for the weeks prior to it actually happening. You can watch the video below…its super fun and way way awkward haha!

Fast forward a few weeks to this past Wednesday, the 29th. This was the day I got to go and I found out a few days prior that this was going to be the media day and the day of the official dedication/opening ceremony. I was seriously SO excited. I had a ton of cast member friends that went to their previews, but they weren’t allowed to take pictures and I was just ACHING to have my trip to the land. I was so ready for it.

Daniel and I showed up at the Disneyland Hotel a little after 1 pm, which was the check in. We were given Park Hoppers to get into the parks before the event started 630 pm but we decided to go hang out at Trader Sam’s Enchanted Tiki Bar for a little bit. Its my favorite place and all of my favorite Skippers work during the day so I never see them anymore and I haven’t been in SO long. It felt like the perfect way to start what was sure to be an awesome night.

When it was finally getting close to event time, we headed to the park, rode Winnie the Pooh once because YES, and then headed over to SWGE. I was so excited and ready for it. We were told we were allowed to take as many pictures and videos as we wanted and we could start posting and sharing as soon as the media embargo ended at 6 pm. I had also learned that not only were we going to be in a great spot for the dedication ceremony but that all the food and drinks for the event were complementary. I was already sorting through my head what I could and could not try with my budget and this was SO exciting to me because I wanted to try everything!

Then it was time. At exactly 630 pm, they let the mass of media and media guests come into the land and that is when I saw Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge for the first time.

I cannot even begin to explain how I felt. It felt like experiencing something I never thought I would experience in my life. Its one thing to immerse yourself into a fictional world but its another for it to come to life in front of you and that is exactly how it felt. I spent four and a half hours in SWGE and I felt completely immersed in the Star Wars universe the entire time. I always knew that Disney was capable of transporting you – I worked there for long enough to know that – but this was beyond my expectations. I forgot completely that I was in Disneyland.

It was more than just visiting another land in the park – you were genuinely in Batuu. The cast members are Batuu residents and they are fully committed to their characters and the story of the land. I loved that the First Order Troopers walked around looking for Resistance fighters and that the Resistance fighters would hide. It felt REAL. I loved it. I loved the architecture and the shops and the food places. The Millennium Falcon? ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. My favorite fictional transportation come to life in front of me, life size? I was in love. I was truly blown away at how much I felt transported to another planet. Truly, it was amazing. I have about a thousand pictures but I tried to share some of my favorite pictures!

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The food and drinks were SO great and they were a big thing that I couldn’t wait to try! Food isn’t really a big thing in the Star Wars universe so I was really excited to see what they came up with! The big thing that I wanted to try, of course, was blue milk. I honestly had NO idea what it was going to be like and I was pleasantly surprised by both the blue milk and the green milk and how good they were! They were sort of these sweet, fruity smoothie like drinks and I seriously enjoyed them. I found out later that they have coconut milk in them and I’m allergic to coconut and that’s why I felt sick at the end of the night but at least I tried them LOL! I didn’t try as much food as I wanted but what I did try was seriously delicious – I loved the cold noodles and alllll of the desserts were DELICIOUS!

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The dedication ceremony was short but incredible. I haven’t done a big event like this in so long and it reminded me how much I truly miss it. It was done in front of the Millennium Falcon, which was the first time I saw it close up and it looked just so amazing! Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, said some words and then he brought out freaking LEGENDS – George Lucas, Billy Dee Williams, Mark Hamill and…Harrison Ford, Han Solo himself, one of the biggest childhood (and adult) crushes of my life. I can’t even explain how much awe I was in to be in the presence of these amazing people that I grew up watching.

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The Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run was opened immediately after and we raced – walked, of course – to the entrance. Because it was a small event and there weren’t a ton of people, we were able to go on the ride three times. It has a Star Tours sort of ride, bumpy and fun, and super interactive. There are three options for roles – pilot, who literally uses a toggle to steer, gunner, who basically button mashes and makes sure to take those TIE fighters out and the engineer, who has to push and flip a selection of buttons and switches in your mission. We did all three roles and each one was seriously fun. I think I liked pilot and engineer the most – I was terrible at pilot though but pushing the buttons and flipping the switches while being an engineer felt SO cool. The entire queue walk through was super cool and seeing Hondo – a favorite from Clone Wars and Rebels – before getting on was even better.

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We checked out some of the merchandise but I was a good girl and kept myself from buying anything. A lot of the merch was SERIOUSLY cool and I wish I had taken pictures of it but there were definitely things to covet – Ahsoka dolls, lightsaber and droid building experiences. Maybe someday haha! But there were certain things I wanted that I was happy to get my hands on and those were the thermal detonator soda bottles! They’re so so cool! I am so glad to have the entire collection. I also am proud of my media pass, my ticket for the day and my grand opening pin. These are things I truly will treasure forever – along with my giant SURPRISE SARA poster. This was an amazing experience.

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My nerd girl self was also seriously stoked at seeing the celebrities that kept popping up as I explored Batuu – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Chris Paul, Ty Simpkins, and freaking Brie Larson. You guys know my OBSESSION with Captain Marvel so when I realized she was there, I lost it and I definitely embarrassed myself. I told her she’s amazing and that I absolutely loved Captain Marvel. I asked her for a picture but she was enjoying as a guest so she politely declined but said thank you for saying hi and she was so sweet and nice and I am so stoked at even the small interaction with a lady I look up to so so much. I also met Sam Witwer for the first time, who does the voice for Darth Maul in Clone Wars, Rebels and Solo, and is FANTASTIC.

I even saw Ashley Eckstein, founder of Her Universe and the voice of the EPIC Ahsoka Tano – we are basically friends at this point haha. I was stoked to see her husband, David, as well – he’s my favorite baseball player of all time and I totally was a fool in front of him just like I was a few years ago when I met him the first time. I swear, being 31 does not kill your fangirl tendencies. But its also nice to know that I’m not jaded from meeting so many of my fave celebs – I can still act like a total dweeb!

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I am so insanely grateful to Disney and to Frank and Mark for this experience. It honestly was beyond anything I could have imagined. Not only did I get to experience of my favorite stories come to life in front of me in a brilliant and beautiful way, but I had a one of a kind time doing it. Seeing all these people I look up to like George Lucas and Brie Larson, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, Ashley Eckstein…it was incredible and being able to say that I was there for the opening ceremony is just an honor and a privilege.

Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge is only accessible via reservations (which are full) until June 24th and then the land is fully open to the public! Right now, I’m genuinely so impressed with the reservation system and how its gone so smoothly, how the lines have been short and manageable and the crowds have been great.  I have a feeling once it opens to the public, it’ll be more crowded but that won’t stop me from recommending that everyone head to Batuu as soon as they can. If you’re a HUGE Star Wars fan, if you’re a casual fan, or even if you just love seeing what Disney and their Imagineers are capable of – you just have to go. You have to. I have loved Disneyland my entire life, ever since I was a young child, and I’ve been lucky enough to go consistently through out my life and they still managed to just blow my mind with this addition. Its just absolutely perfect. I can’t wait to go back.

IGNITE THE SPARK. LIGHT THE FIRE!

May the Force be With You!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adventures in Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge for the Dedication Ceremony! ~~~ #starwarsgalaxysedge #swge #disneyland @disneyparks @disneyland @starwars #starwars If you've been living under a rock or simply don't live in California so your entire world doesn't revolve around the Disneyland Resort, then you may not know that the newest addition to the park - Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge - has officially opened as of this past Friday.

[hgfstreamchats]

Atlantis

*flop* Night human, hello! Hello I'm just beat I know the feeling. ...And it might be impeccable timing! Looks like the site is down. Awwwww, no We could... watch a movie instead? Did I somehow manage not to miss anything? A movie sounds excellent. Any suggestions? Hmmmmmmmmmmm let me check my list How about... Atlantis? Works for me! I have no objection.

Apparently we are watching Jeepers Creepers, and we are going to like it. Hmmm. Hmm, it's opening just fine in another tab. Here, try this instead https://www.watchcartoononline.io/atlantis-the-lost-empire

Atlantis: The Lost Empire | Watch cartoons online, Watch anime online, English dub anime Watch Atlantis: The Lost Empire online free with HQ / high quailty. Stream movie Atlantis: The Lost Empire.A large tidal wave triggered by a distant explosion threatens

watchcartoononline.io

Oh, watchcartoononline, why don't I ever refer to you first? Just, uh, ignore the ads. I forget they're there, having blocked the hell out of them long ago There we go! Beautiful! The end. That is not really a warning. hello! Hello! Whoop, glowy eyes of foreboding! And then they drowned. Shoosh. Uranium! Either that, or we forgot another relic on Earth. Earth is like a gosh-darn magnet for anything you carelessly shoot into space for some reason It may be due to Unicron being the core. He attracts chaos. Is that a shrine probably Oh my gosh Oh my gosh he's like Linguistics Mulder He does not realize this is always a setup to being murdered. At least he's being delightful about sending Milo off to almost-certain doom They really go all out on every facial expression. They do! I do not trust this weird human. omg kity This little human's adorable. Does he have a match in his mouth Hello main villain, probably That's not a trustworthy chin. No indeed. Exactly. Why was he crossing his digits behind his back? Oh my god what .... Apparently Milo's body belongs to the crew and they'd like to make that clear right off the bat. It's like everyone on this ship stopped giving even a single shit. Serpents do not have limbs. Not with THAT attitude, they don't She taunted Murphy. Well, that man is dead. And now they all die. oh, yeah, this movie has an incredible body count Excellent. Fun! This thing sure is... crabby. Good to get the cannon fodder out of the way early. That way no one misses them. yeah, it's really put them in a pinch Something something... shell? How fortunate they are that the air is still breathable down there. That's nothing, don't you remember Treasure Planet Treasure Planet had 'space technology' as a cheat. hahahha Awwww. dude, ASK qué es esto Wheeljack! Red! Hello, hello same ... Fireflies. Of course. Uh Oh What about, uh Their explosives And then they died. Heh. i like this guy Well Convenient power in the short term, but overuse will give you cancer. uhhh Shhh, shhh, that's definitely how language works. The surface dwellers also introduce new viruses into the local population. why is that human magnus Called it We don't trust his chin. I'm pretty sure that's going to turn out to be an enormous slur on Magnus GOOD Peaceful explorers, with lots of explosives I do not like the king's voice. Does this story really require the little ratman? heh. that's a man???? Who wouldn't want a story with a bizarre earth-fetishist rat-man Without the ratman, who else would grind in the obnoxiousness? i feel like my boy the explosives guy could give us everything beepbeep How does the linguist fail at pronouncing a name given to him? i think humans have a tongue swelling thing when they see someone pretty Less Ratman and Dr. Touches, more explosive human. more explosions general bring on the booms A convenient history of Atlantis. And then he died of the bends. Tragic. Shoosh, the bends don't exist, just like there's magically fresh air down here oh frag Whoop damn Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Magnus. Indeed I'm tellin' ya, the mech's gonna turn OH a BIG STATUE Or maybe, uh literally in his head His eyes DO look kinda crystally yeah so do mine Well, that looks safe ...Oh. It's because he looked This is probably not a good sign. Ohhhhhh my This is probably fine. Huh. It was fine. ALSO probably fine W What flowers why Smoke up what air they have left. That's helpful. Nobody we knew I love explosives human. How are they planning on getting back to the surface? OH HEY Oh great there goes alpha trion He sounds like Sentinel. I dislike it. He got that story out pretty smoothly for someone half a minute from death. He died on purpose, to get out of dealing with this mess. explosives guy is high all day every day Truly your spirit human. i love him They just so happened to bring tiny planes with them. Just in case. apparently! You never know when you're going to need tiny planes under the ocean. HA ohhh brutal How is she alive after that She did not survive that fall. damn magnus hahahaah his face oh scrap hahahah wow Nice wow Here comes Magnus! now magnus can't talk scrap about me bein' on crystals Hah! And they flood Atlantis with lava. Perfect. Well then They have known each other for about two hours. But it felt like three. ha GIVE HIM A HUG. Now wash that hand. That hand will never be clean. oof seaspray used to crack my spinal strut over his leg if i whined about it enough Nice. "But we WON'T say that, because it's SECRET" how did humans put magnus and me in this so well Dumb luck. There's apparently an awful sequel. technically it's actually three episodes to a tv show that got canned before it made it to air, and they thought they'd flog it direct to video Can we go about our lives, without suffering through the awful sequel? technically it's actually three episodes to a tv show that got canned before it made it to air, and they thought they'd flog it direct to video Can we go about our lives, without suffering through the awful sequel? Or will knowing it is out there haunt us relentlessly? uho h I'm up for it if you folks are. Welllllllll... Sure, I have not been tormented enough. Sure, why not watch something to viciously mock It probably is not worse than the pig sequels. Nothing could be worse than the pig sequels. Gotta run, Red. Thanks for the party Always a pleasure! See you! Behold! Atlantis on a tenth of the budget And then they died. Remember those beautiful shots from the first movie? None of that here! Lava whales. Lava whales. Of course. So it heals rock, too? I should know better than to ask why, and yet, it is the only question. Wasn't that thing... bigger? You probably aren't. Oh, it's crying His rock looks upset at what his city has become. their smiles look unnatural She looks weird OH JOY. A PET MASCOT The lava tubes. And a giant crab. No. Not allowed. Ew. I hate their relationship. All the food is just, like. Bowls of dyed pasta. You live in Atlantis, you eat noodles. Forever. Oh, Kida, what have they done to you? That's ridiculous They live UNDER THE OCEAN Surely they're familiar with, like, swimming, floating, drowning Yes, make sure you bring the animal with you. Where would they be without their mascot Perhaps less drowning. The real kraken is that grim faced weirdo. Gettin' a little Shadow Over Innsmouth here ewwww, don't touch it t's like watching animatronics Why do they even have an inn if they hate visitors so much what's with her FACE . . . She cannot actually focus on anyone. Will-o-wisps? Heh Rat-man's grimace will follow you to your dreams I despise everything about Rat-man. W...what Maybe he just has one of the magic life-extending crystals I hate that Rat-man is contributing more than he ever did in the good movie. He should never move the plot forward. and yet, he is "Ha, now you can't complain that he's useless!" I will complain regardless. Kray-ken. It like... patted him gosh, maybe he's not the one in charge here I never thought a story about a tentacle monster could be so unappealing. Stop moving the plot forward, Rat-man! How dare he contribute? And they crush their friend with roof debris. Gasp. Uh... ... Ominous. I thought there was going to be a twist where it was a tiny tentacle monster they do not get paid enough for this Also I feel like nothing was really... explained Of course it wasn't. Milo who showed up three weeks ago knows more than her, of course. Are they just planning on investigating nonsense around the world? Why not use the magic healing crysta on him Too much work. gosh it's ALMOST like the coyotes are MADE OF SAND, animated by some magic force Jinkies! ... This bit is older than I am. Oh, Kida... So there's no theft in Atlantis, huh Had not been invented yet. Well, HE'S evil Because you know the writers of this nonsense wanted to be timeline accurate. Him? No! Every problem is going to have a spooky old man. I keep expecting to see Wile E Coyote and the roadrunner in this landscape This seems offensive to someone. You think? I can't get past how weird everyone looks I mean, Rat-man took a lateral move, but still Gosh, who's surprised Wait, did Rat-man just contribute to the plot again More than old man Kakashi. Because surely he won't just go to the cave and steal everything. Rat-man's carrying the plot and I'm not okay with that. ... oh wow. He's the most important character in this story It's, like, all about his dirt-eating Oh so it's a big museum The adventures of Rat-man and friends. wow his voice will just never stop cracking, will it Stop touching each other. And then he killed them. WOW who would have GUESSED Of course we have to have silly implausible knockout gas. Why even bother tying them up? Just kill them while they are unconscious. Likes gloating? Please, please kill them while they're unconscious. I don't like Milo's little pantaloons or shapely calves. Someone had to draw them. Guess SOMEbody's about to get sandblasted But for the pot they broke, they must die. Don't do it, Kakashi! Tell me your secret. "well if I told you it wouldn't be a secret, would it" "We love you, old man Jicama." ... Did Odin broke into his house. Did Odin break into this guy's I mean I sthis where theis is going What even is this premise? I mean I guess he can have it None of this could have less to do with anything. Oh dude you are WAY off they wanted to do a multi-season tv show like this ...Or, uh. Maybe not Then he is simply an insane man who is good at training birds. Dead. Pffffff . . . . . . . "The cum filling?" ...What I also heard that. And again, ratman is essential to the plot. ....Ewwwwww, he dressed her I think he is very confused abou this mythos, also I feel concussed. ...Did anyone else just see the explosives human disassociate out of his body? They've all been doing that The image bleed has been very prevalent. I haven't seen it get quite as bad as that. Uh... huh. So they're like boiling the ocean That's a little grim Rest in peace, fishermen. Or not. Rejoin the world, just in time to participate in a World War. Excellent plan. Wait there's a child? And contract polio. Was she like born DURING the thousands of years under the sea? Not quite as bad as the pig sequel, but still too reliant on the ratman. well that was... underwhelming That was wretched. I'm on the cusp of powering down, but thank you all for coming and enduring this. Thank you for hosting this terrible assortment of bad ideas. Well. It's what I do! Good night! Thanks for the stream. Good night! Good night! Thanks for the stream. Good night! Thank *you* for the movie suggestion, night human!

[textales]

“Cut Bank Cop”

“Oh god, we’re not stopping?!”  This can’t be happening.  I shook off and zipped up, slammed the restroom door open, grabbed my bag and ran toward the nearest exit. Trying not to whack into the other passengers, I shrieked “I have to get off here!” as the train known as the Empire Builder moved slowly east toward Chicago.  What the hell?  

I’m supposed to get off in Essex, a teeny town of less than 50 people, smack dab in the middle of the Rocky Mountains on the west side of the Continental Divide.  I made the trek from California to surprise my father on his 80th birthday. The party would be at my step-sister’s cabin, just down the hill from the train station, perched on banks of the middle fork of the Flathead, directly across the river from Glacier Park in Montana. 

My step-brother Mark and his wife drove over from Bend, Oregon. The three of us were going to be surprise guests at the party - they’d pick me up from the train and we’d show up at Jane’s place for the big reveal around noon. I couldn’t wait to see the look on my father’s face when we piled out of the car, since for weeks I’d been apologizing for how I couldn’t be there.  Truth is, I wouldn’t miss this for the world – I mean really, it’s not every day a dad turns 80, right?

Our clandestine plan was working perfectly until that moment.  Just an hour earlier, I called Mark from Whitefish to let him know the train was on schedule. “Grab a cup of coffee and hang out on the front deck….we’ll be there soon,” he said.    

As I ran through the dining car I watched the pine trees slowly moving by. “Oh shit,” I thought to myself. “Where is the next stop? Is it Shelby?  Holy fuck…this can’t be happening. I am a fucking idiot.” I pictured Mark and Andrea waiting at the train station as I’m nowhere to be found, with no way to communicate since cellphone service is nonexistent in this part of the planet.

Trains, Planes and Automobiles

I was so proud of myself for making this happen, finally.  This was Take Two - just one year prior I’d planned the same trip with a nearly identical itinerary, but then to surprise my step-mother on her 80th birthday.  On that trip my sister was the co-conspirator and the only one who knew I was coming – oh, besides my friend Tom who drove from Helena (a four hour trip each way!) to shuttle me around.  But that plan never got off the ground – literally – since the plane never left Oakland.  There was something wrong with the front landing gear, and without parts to fix it or a replacement plane to send (and after making us wait for hours while they tried to sort it out), the airline canceled the flight and refunded our money.  

Since I couldn’t find another flight to get me there in time for the surprise (short of hiring a private jet), I canceled the trip entirely.  It’s not like I was going to Los Angeles – trying to get from the Bay Area to the Glacier Park International Airport is never easy, let alone on the last minute of a Fourth of July weekend. Fast forward to a year later and here I am thinking to myself: “Not again!”

Do the gods just not want me to be here?  It’s one thing to miss a trip due to a mechanical problem completely beyond my control.  But missing the party because I decided to use the bathroom on the train (especially since I knew we were so near the stop) would be downright idiotic. I’d made my way from Oakland to Kalispell by plane, and then caught the train from Whitefish to Essex, and now I’m going to miss my dad’s birthday party because I was listening to “Do You Know the Way to San Jose?” while standing there with my dick in my hand?!  

It’s not like I’ve never been on a train.  To the contrary, I take trains all the time and figured I had plenty of time to pee. But it didn’t stop at the station. What gives?

“I have to get off the train!” I screamed, passing by the Forest Ranger tour guide with a headset who just minutes ago was touting the rugged splendor of the American West to attentive tourists in the Sightseer Lounge car.  

Now we’ve stopped…whew…the tour guide guy must have called the driver dude. Seeing desperation in my eyes, one of the uniformed attendants said “Go to the last car and they will let you out.”  His reaction suggested this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

I could hear mutterings of other passengers who were understandably annoyed. “Why have they stopped?” “They stopped twice.”  Blah blah blah. I don’t care if they’re pissed – I am NOT going to miss my dad’s 80th birthday.  

I made my way through the aisles carrying the only piece of luggage I had. It was a messenger bag I borrowed from my big gay husband.  It had “Gladiator” embroidered on the side and was a souvenir from a trade show he’d worked.  It didn’t matter what I’d done or how far I’d travelled or if I missed the train or even if I ended up in jail:  if I lost that bag I might as well not come home.  As instructed I ran to the end car. It was the sleeper car, all dark and quiet with a sign on the door that that said you can’t be here unless you have a ticket. At first the woman running the sleeper car was about to shoo me away. “I’m not sure I can let you out here.”  Then her radio crackled, she mumbled something, grabbed a key and pulled a lever. “Watch yourself” she said as I stepped outside onto the gravel.  It was a maybe three feet off the ground but it wasn’t like I was jumping out of an airplane.  Whew….I was out of there and on solid ground.

Panting and out of breath, I noticed the conductor guy I spoke to in Whitefish. Now he is standing on the cement platform maybe three cars from the sleeper car where I’d just jumped out.

“Didn’t you hear? We called twice,” he said as he pushed a button on a hand-held scanner thing that I assume registered some sort of passenger count.  

“I’m sorry, I thought I had a minute” I said apologetically.  

As it turns out, while I was taking a pee and listening to Dionne Warwick on my iPod, the train had slowed to a crawl as we passed the Izaak Walton Inn, moved another few hundred yards and landed, as planned, at the official platform where it was going to stop anyway.  Had I paid attention and been at the intended exit door when they called I could have gotten off the train sensibly and without all the panic and drama.

I later learned that Essex is a “flag stop”, meaning the train stops there only if someone has pre-arranged to get on or off at that station. The conductor did have me marked to get off there which is why, thankfully, they stopped as scheduled. All of my freaking out was so unnecessary.  

I thanked the conductor guy for managing the situation and apologized for causing a commotion.

Then just like magic, out of nowhere appeared a young dark-haired girl in a red Ford van.

“Do you need a ride?”

Oh, duh, I completely forgot…I’d pre-arranged the hotel shuttle from the Izaak Walton Inn to pick me up.

Good lord…what just happened?  My head was spinning.  But I had that Gladiator bag on my shoulder so I knew all was okay.  Whew.

Meet Me in Montana

The Izaak Walton Inn is a charming, rustic Tudor-style 33-room hotel built in the late 1930s as lodging for railroad workers. Looking a lot like a gingerbread house plucked from Switzerland, it’s listed on the National Register of Historic Places and is situated in what could be some of the most remote wilderness in the continental United States.  Cell phone service is non-existent and there are no phones or TVs in the rooms (although there is a payphone in the lobby and limited Wi-Fi for hotel guests).  For years I’ve wanted to stay in the main lodge or in one of the nearby cabooses which have been converted into mini cabins – and part of the appeal being the freedom from being reachable by cellphone. There’s a cute little bar with a pool table and seating for maybe a dozen or so, and there’s a phenomenal restaurant serving surprisingly sophisticated food for such an outpost.  Not that I’d eat it, but the menu had Trout Almondine with cranberry wild rice and littleneck clams steamed in white wine with garlic.  

With just two Amtrak stops daily (the morning train heading east from Seattle to Chicago, evening going west,) you’re hundreds of miles away from any “real” city and you could almost forget about civilization, except for when the freight trains rumble by. Everything from cows to cars ride on those rails, and the freight trains run almost constantly, even in the dead of winter.    

Mark and Andrea met me ten minutes or so after I checked in….a woman named Marta (imported from one of those northern European white places where people ski) helped me get settled.  

I squished into the back of Andrea’s two-seater and seven minutes later we arrive at the cabin where my dad and stepmother greeted us with the anticipated amount of surprise. Red even cried a little. Bingo! Now that’s the reaction I was hoping for!  

Finally, after all the chaos, I’m here at my destination and I can spend time with my dad and parts of the family I’ve not seen in decades.  Of course I’m still amped up on adrenaline from thinking I’d missed the train stop, so when Mark invited me on a hike to check out the old swimming hole I happily said yes.  Besides, there will be plenty of time to relax when the sun goes down. I’m so looking forward to telling stories around the camp fire.  

It’s almost criminal how little I know about my home state. Even though I was born, raised and lived in the Treasure State until I was 22, I’d been to the Flathead area less than a handful of times.  When asked about Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks I’d reluctantly have to admit I don’t really have much experience in those places.  When I was a kid I avoided those tourist traps.  Oh sure, I knew about moose and grizzly bears and mountain lions and other potentially life-threatening critters that could eat you, but my Montana was less hunting and fishing and more neon and parties.  The only other time I drove on Highway 2 was maybe 15 years ago, so it’s not exactly familiar territory. Now I’m curious – there is still a sense of mystery about this land and so much of it I haven’t yet seen. I’m not expecting to see a grizzly bear, but it wouldn’t kill me to put my feet in the water.

The river was higher than usual because there had been an abnormally high amount of snow over the winter. Even though it was July and the sun was gleaming and it was in the 80s, the water was maybe 33 degrees.  There were groups of people floating on rafts and although it looked fun I thought they were crazy…just a minute or two in that almost freezing water would put anyone into shock. Call me a pansy if you must, but I think I’ll stay on dry land.

As we rounded the curve near the old swimming hole we noticed a yellow kayak on the rocks of the river bank.  Who would go kayaking in this water?  Are they nuts? And where did that come from?

There was no paddle to be found.  And Mark noticed there was no skirt (something I wouldn’t know to look for but he knows what he’s talking about). We yelled to see if the owner was nearby, maybe taking a pee.  “Is anyone out there?  Yo, is this your yellow kayak?”  Silence. Nothing.  

The kayak looked newish. There was no license sticker like you need with a boat, nor was there anything to suggest this thing was owned by a guide or a place that does organized rafting trips.  I figured we should just leave it there. We could come back in an hour.  But Mark was insistent that because there was no paddle and no skirt there had been a situation.

He peeled the cover off and tipped the kayak upside down to drain the water. It was full - clearly it had been completely submerged.  “What’s that?” I asked as he pulled out a bundle that looked like a rolled up raincoat.  “It’s a dry bag” said Mark as he ripped open the Velcro to look inside.

I noticed a cocoon attached to the outside of the dry bag. Clearly, this cocoon or spiders nest or whatever it was - this was proof this kayak and its contents had been here for a while. Mark opened the thing which clearly hadn’t done its duty as a “dry” bag, since the contents inside were all soaking wet.  Inside was a wallet, a set of car keys, and a cell phone. 

Mark checked…the last time the phone had been turned-on was six days ago. The wallet had a Driver’s License and credit cards.  Oh shit…now this is serious. We yelled out again, “Hey….is anyone here?”   Again, silence, except for the sounds of the gentle rapids of this river that was barely above freezing since it’s technically runoff from a glacier.  

Mark and I returned to the cabin with the dry bag and its stuff.  We’d go back later to retrieve the kayak.  Peggy and Jane were prepping for Red’s big birthday party as Mark explained what we’d found on our short hike.

“Don’t touch anything, that is evidence” Peggy stated calmly.

Jane picked up the landline to call Flathead Search and Rescue. She wondered who might be on duty this weekend (everyone knows everyone in these parts) and kept her cool while making the call.

“No, call 9-1-1. This is an emergency” screeched Peggy.

“Oh Mom. It’s not that big of a deal,” said Jane.

“It is if there’s a dead body,” uttered Peggy with all the wisdom of an 80-year-old grandmother.

As I stood there envisioning divers in scuba gear dredging the river bottom, I couldn’t help but think that if there’d been a report of a missing kayaker from six days ago it would have been all over the news by now.  Wouldn’t there have been search parties and helicopters?  I vaguely recall a report of a guy lost in the Bob Marshall Wilderness….it was on the TV news in Kalispell and in the Daily Interlake newspaper and I knew about it through Facebook. But that was months ago…this guy’s phone was hot just six days ago.

Mark paid no attention to his mother’s warning and was still digging through the wallet. Behind the driver’s license was another ID: this guy was a police officer for the small town of Cut Bank, about 75 miles east of where we were.  

A Cop?  Oh my…the plot thickens.

While Jane talked to the dispatcher at Search and Rescue, Mark and I took the Rhino (a 4 wheeler ATV) up river to get the kayak - they’ll certainly want it as evidence.  And now that I know missing guy is a cop my mind starts to run amok with all kinds of conspiracy theories and potential plots and outcomes.  This is thrilling.  And I thought almost missing my stop on the train was a rush.

We returned to the river bank where we left the kayak. Much to our surprise, now it’s gone. What the hell?  Mark yelled out, thinking kayak guy might be close. Again, nothing but the sounds of the rapids.  

Had Cut Bank Cop busted someone who really wanted him gone?  Did he or an accomplice plant this as evidence, hoping someone like us would stumble upon it and call the authorities?  After several months or years would someone be collecting the insurance money and he’d surface in Mexico or Belize?  If we were to believe the cell phone we found in the dry bag, he had literally been up the creek without a paddle for six days.

With no kayak in tow Mark and I took the Rhino back to the cabin.  I was anxious to hear what the Search and Rescue people had to say. Would they be sending a team with scuba divers and cadaver dogs?  Why don’t I hear helicopters yet?”

Meanwhile, not to be bothered by any of this commotion, Red was sitting on the front deck, leisurely whittling away at a piece of wood he was carving for one of the grandkids.  “Hey look,” he said, calmly glancing toward the river as a guy in a yellow kayak, with a paddle, made his way down the river.  Remembering dude’s name from his driver’s license and Cop ID, Mark yelled out “Hey, are you (so and so)?”

“Yes…..oh wow, is that mine? Did you find that floating in the river?” he asked, referring to the dry bag Mark had in his hands.  “We found it in the kayak and noticed there wasn’t a paddle or a skirt and were afraid of the worst.”

Cut Bank Cop, so very happy to have his wallet, keys and cell phone back, explained that he and his wife were up river when she lost control of her vessel, flipped over and managed to get herself to the shore.  Watching it all happen, almost in slow-motion, he beached his kayak and walked up to meet his wife who was clearly now done with this river ride experiment. Fuck this…she’s going back to the car. She left in a huff, headed to wherever they’d left the car, a place called Payola.  Oh, and now, well, she’s technically missing and so is her kayak. But dude wasn’t the least bit worried.  “She’s got a gun” he said.  “She’ll be fine.”  

I can’t help but think about the document I sign every year that says I won’t take money under the table for playing someone’s record – but this is different Payola and not even spelled the same way.

Anyway, he’s cool as a cucumber. Shouldn’t he be at least a little worried?  His wife is stumbling through the wilderness in a place where grizzly bears eat people.  Just earlier this year some bicyclist ranger dude ran across a bear and met his demise on a trail less than a mile from about right here. Would she make it to Payola? Jesus…this is getting crazy.  If he isn’t going to worry about her, well, I will. 

After thanking us profusely for fetching his wallet and phone, Cut Bank Cop went with Jane to get his pickup truck a few miles up the road while Mark and I went looking for the wife’s missing red kayak.  

As we were bombing down the road in the Rhino we ran across a neighbor who mentioned he found a woman walking around, all soaking wet and pissed off.  She wanted a ride to Payola.  Whew, okay, she’s not bear food and she’s not dead.    

A couple minutes later, after Mark and I observed a red kayak ditched at a neighbor’s private beach, I noticed a pickup truck approaching with # 38 on the license plate.  “That’s a 38-Special,” I thought to myself.  In Montana a 38 on your license plate means the vehicle is registered in Glacier County – the same county where Cut Bank is located.  Sure enough, the driver is Cut Bank Cop, out looking for his wife’s missing red kayak that Mark and I spotted at just that moment.  

“As luck would have it, we found your other kayak too!” Mark uttered.  He then helped load it in the bed of the “38 Special” as Cut Bank Cop kept thanking us for saving his ship.

“I can get another wife…but the kayak, can’t lose that.”  

He was so very grateful and offered us a reward for finding his missing stuff. 

“Absolutely not,” said Mark.  “We are Montanans, after all, and we look out for each other.” We said our goodbyes and returned in the Rhino to the cabin.

As I glanced at the Gladiator bag sitting on the deck, next to my dad who was still carving the wood thing for the grandkid, I took stock of the day.  No missed trains, no dead bodies, no grizzly bears gnawing on wayward kayakers.  

Okay, enough adrenaline rush for the day. Finally, it’s time for that beer and a chat with the old man around the campfire.  After all, this is what I came here for in the first place.

[ichiban-no-jammu]

RULES: Repost and answer the questions, then tag at least 3 of your followers :)

I was tagged by: @the-damnedest-creature​​ !! thank you!! //;;w;//

I’m not gonna tag that many peeps because I’m not solely a J-rock blog and not many people that follow me are solely J-rock blogs either I think hehe but um mebbe @romanesque-moon​​ and @severemagazinementality​​ idk ignore this if you don’t want to do it of course but we’re mutuals so yeh !! ;u; go for it if you feel like it, sorry for taggin out of the blue ///v// I have hardly any J-rock fan followers to be honest I think /;;   ;))/

anywaaaaaays ヽ・ω・*/ﾉ

1. When and how did you get into j-rock?

jokesss it was animu as usual ahahahaa I was already listening to J-pop at the time like Arashi and Yuki Kajiura I also liked Perfume by that point too, around.. 2012..? somewhere around there ;w; I was 13 years old.

I actually can't remember who my first J-rock band I ever heard was ;;u ; I listened to a lot of anime intros and found a couple of artists from there....   the first J-rock song I ever heard was probably SID's Monochrome no Kissu huhuhu but I didn't actually listen to SID after that.....  ting is is that I was painfully weeby at the time, the typically cringey child that would more listen to ... random american pop songs that I found on amvs, and all the classics like cascada's everytime we touch and the 'numa numa song' ,,...... //////v/// and I listened to a LOT of Vocaloid, all of it, I was obcessed, it’s literally all I would listen to for a year or so ﾉω`*)ﾉ  I also found a finnish rock band called Indica through an amv and even bought one of their albums ;u; my music taste was a crazy mix of stuff I'd just found on Youtube really... I loved The Midnight Beast (reppin from uk) and I still do, Lemon Demon too.... and I downloaded official soundtracks from anime like Pandora Hearts and D.Gray Man and listened to those as well. I was also a big fan of Yugioh the abridged series and would listen to yugioh song parodies LittleKuriboh made ;; u ;

Only a small part of my music library was J-rock and J-pop at the time... but I think the first band that caught my attention was Buck-Tick, after I watched the anime xxxHolic somewhere in 2012. Then after watching Shiki a little later I recognised the same voice and looked kuchizuke up and was jammin, and for some reason I watched an interview with Aachan before getting distracted by that one video that everyone has seen of T.M singing dress with him, and listening to ABS instead because I knew them from the theme song to D.Gray man ///u// it was only until summer 2013 until I really found out who Buck-Tick actually was, I listened to as many singles as I could find and I fell in love with them in less than 24 hours hehe ´｡• ᵕ •｡` I actually didn't like rock music at all before then, b-t were the group that introduced me to being a rock music fan even though I still didn't like heavier sounds, like Gazette that my friend was into. Sometime later that year I listened to L'arc en Ciel for the first time too, I think I read about them in a magazine or something.. I can't remember //w// ((I bought the 'stay away' single at may mcm in 2014, my first J-rock cd :3c)) I still listened to a lot of J-pop during 2013 and Arashi had begun to dominate my life, so I didn't really get properly into J-rock and visual kei until early 2014 when I started listening to ancafe, because I'd heard of them from cosplayers on deviantart who had them in their ID section under music interests, and then subsequently finding out they were touring in europe :3c I was more partial to oshare and lighter pop-punk things around that time.. early days was LM.C and Alice Nine and Royz after that....

Kind of a long and patchy story (wow it’s really long why did I write so much I’m so sorry it’s so boring) but there isn't necessarily an exact moment I started listening to J-rock... only in the last year or so have I let Vkei fully consume my life so... back then it was only a side interest for me among all the other things ˊ꒳ˋ  from 2014 onwards I just found more and more bands as well as listening to a lot of johnny's and J-pop stuffs... >w> and the rest is historyyyy

2. List your current most favorite band(s).

bakuchikuuuuu forever and ever every moment of my waking life alwaysss till I dieeee //w/// and Dog in the PWO >:3 two very contrasting groups to say the leest but I have a wide breadth of faves hehe ;;w; I fell in love with Doggu super quickly and have been following them ever since, I've known them for a year now and they are 100% in my top 5 favourite bands ever ;u ; dems are my two main faves as it is right now but there are too many others to list that I have a lot of feelings for /;;w;//

Currently I also like listening to Hakujitsu no Yume... Pentagon are my children.... Piglow in Gloomy are really amazing also ;w;;

3. How many j-rock concerts have you been to? (If you haven’t been to any, which band would you like to see the most in the future?)

not many becos I am a baby and I have never travelled out of my home country to raibus ;;v; my first ever was Ancafe in 2014, when I was a weeby mess, and most recently Versailles in January 2017 :3c inbetween I’ve seen VAMPS (and alexandros) at a shared live @ ‘Japan Night’ which was a lil concert organised by HyperJapan, a convention here in uk ..can I count bands that I’ve seen at Hyper too..? ;;w; I’ll just count Vaniru because they were aight while Yuto and Leoniel lasted as a couple heheh >w>> and I also went to SuG’s raibu in 2015~

so that makes 6 i guess.. I am a bebe ;;

//come on Merry where u at with this europe tour??//

there are so so so many bands I wanna see live, and I would go to a couple more lives in London here and there but I always get attached to groups that are very Japan-based and that are very unlikely to make any overseas appearances ;v; and I don’t wanna spend a lot of monies on bands that I don’t know as well that occasionally visit //3///

4. Which j-rock band do you think is the most underrated?

Daizystripper o´ω｀o   They used to be a more popular with western peeps but I think a lot of people stopped listening to them a while ago an might not even realise that they're still active and tings ;; v; their debut with Victor might make it a little difficult for international fans though eheh but I wish they still had the support they seemed to have~ so many good jams ;  u ;

And everyone from Planet Child Music records needs more recognition and to be invited to more events ///u//

5. Which j-rock band do you think is the most overrated?

If I had to I'd say Vamps hhhhuu I thought that they were v good up until recently ;;w; I dunno I feel like the couple of newer songs have lost their power and originality... and no matter what I'll always think L'arc are infinitely better but some people think not //vv/// Vamps are always over here and in other countries too, whereas L'arc I feel are neglected a lot with world tours and overseas promotion and stuff when they deserve more love than vamps ;3; I mean.. 25 years going strong //u/ why dis Hyde come back to uk without vamps this time hhhh

6. Who is your ultimate bias in j-rock? Optionally: Post your most favorite picture(s) of them.

ahhhhh .. Aachan got me from the start ;; ﾉﾉ*ФωФ ;;ﾉﾉ ﾉﾉ                            

7. What is your most treasured j-rock related memory?

Um.. not that much has happened to me personally that I can really mention hehe >w>

Hizaki calling me cute at Hyper's meet & greet last year was probably the best thing that's acc happened to me ;;;;w;;;;;; It was the end of the day and I looked like a wreck, Hizaki saw me as I came up for cheki and said 'kawaii~' ////w// best memory heckk I mean Hizaki---- being called cute by Hizaki ;;;;;u; why dis I do not deserve (and obvs taking cheki with him was part of that good memory too >w>)

An Cafe was my first live, and I'll always remember that my one of my favourite singles is 'My heart leaps for 'C'' and when they played it after the encore I went insane hehe ;;; u ; that was a treasured moment for me because it was kind of surreal like 'oh wow a band that I love is playing one of my favourite songs is this real??' and ... since I was an hyperactive 15 year-old that moment just made me really excited ;v; I was singing along (horribly) to every lyric and bouncing up and down like crazy and I would not let that feeling go for a while //w/ ah to be young again ~~

But SuG is probably the best raibu memory ever ever. they played a very very small venue in London and it was literally the most intimate thing imaginable, you could touch everyone and Takecchi almost hit his head a few times on the lights above him ;;u; and even though I was in like, three rows of people away from the front, Chiyu's hand grazed mine for a second and that was the most special moment ;;w; Shinpei leaned into the audience for a group hug and Yuji and Chiyu were high-fiving and ruffling people's hair ///;w;/ it was such a long farewell with everyone touching hands and patting heads and it felt so nice and close, I thought we were really lucky to get such an intimate show ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄  

8. How do you support and enjoy j-rock the most? Buying CDs? Going to lives? Just full on going to Japan for it?

I buy Cd's if I can for bando that I really love and want to support, and at lives I buy at least one peice of merch every time too :3c and I'm trying to get into a habit of buying Cure if bands I like are featured >u> I accidentally end up following e v e r y o n e on twitter and just scroll thru liking posts if that counts as 'support' ? :'3

9. How does your family feel about this hobby of yours?  

My parents don't really mind, I end up showing my mama photos and videos and she understands my hype at everyone I think hehe, and I play cd's often so my parents hear J-rock a lot but don't complain~ we all have our own music collections now it’s so cute 〃▽〃 I talk about J-rock a lot like, I just ramble on mostly to myself because I have no-one else to talk to in the house so ;;u; my parents don't really listen that closely but ye, they don't mind and they're glad I'm into something different I guess :'3c

10.What is the craziest j-rock fandom story that you have?

idk what j-rock 'fandom' story means exactly,,, like, you heard the story from the fandom or the story is about the actual fandom itself..? ;;w; well actually I guess this is both haha this is the only story that I have worth telling and I only heard it a couple weeks ago but ;//u.//

A friend of a friend has connections with Mejibray’s MiA, and he messages her and lots of other peeps I’d imagine as MiA prob does~ and on one occasion MiA was sent a cute little (I say little but) Intimate Image that the 1 and only Yohio took of his peen and decided to share it around so other people could enjoy it obvs >>>ww.>> and he sent it to said friend, nice one >;3ccc thank u for showing me too I feel very privileged, too many bants I was dying ahh ..//www//// why dis MiA why dis......... poor Yohio ;; v; u don’t need to send dick pics to impress your senpai, kids ;;  /////; poor little child ;u;;

---yyyyeee I’m so boring das literally all I have apart from the most mediocre things like being jealous of people that get to go to meet&greets and have fun encounters and peeps that actually manage to catch picks at lives etc //u..../// 

Thank you for reading ♡

[s3venpounds]

1-59

yo

1. selfie (no can do, i honestly am too lazy and i have no clue how to add photos into these lel)

2. what would you name your future kids? Skylark, Silver, Thorn, Pas

3. do you miss anyone? yes

4. what are you looking forward to? waking up to a S.O that loves me, a house that we both love, a job I love, income I can live off comfortably, and the only source of stress I have is if something isnt routine

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? @artbeetle hands down

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? yeah

7. what was your life like last year? happier

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? nope

9. who did you last see in person? Aleksi

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? nope. I’m an open book.

11. are you listening to music right now? yeah, the beauty and the beast soundtrack Evermore lol

12. what is something you want right now? a million dollars would be nice

13. how do you feel right now? groggy and i have a stomach ache from last night so not feeling 100% right now

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? a long time now that i think about it. i guess thats my fault since i’ve been avoiding hugs because i’m still worried people think of me as the “wheres my hug?” guy from middle school lol

15. personality description: a steaming pile of bile tbh. loud when I’m trying too hard to be friends with you, cuss like a trucker, quiet when youre in the innermost circle of friends. i make a lot of jokes that cross lines and unless someones seriously offended and says something I don’t stop.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? yes

17. opinion on insecurities. go ahead and have them, just don’t let them become permanent. you only have so much time in this world and youre going spend it worrying about other people who will forget everything in like 10 years max? like no one really cares if you tripped on nothing that one time. sure they’ll laugh but realistically theyll laugh for about 15 minutes then forget it completely by the next 3 days.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago? yeah

19. have you ever been to New York? nope. dont plan to.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Lie To Me George Nozuka

21. age and birthday? 21, may 17

22. description of crush. she’s reliable, comforting, pleasant to be with, gives off an air of happiness and contentment, easy on the eyes and knows how to keep the flow of conversations or mood going. She can be spontaneous or mysterious when she wants to. She warms my heart with her smile and I will never forget the little thing her cheeks do when she does smile.  

23. fear(s) death. thats it. 

24. height 5 foot 6 i think. i may have grown to 5 foot 7 haven’t measured in a while. wish i grew more tho

25. role model my friend William lol he is goals.

26. idol(s) I don’t really keep track of any celebrities so none really.

27. things i hate. 3 people i hate specifically, uhhhh break ups, my dad, some “friends”, when apologies arent enough( otherwise whats the point of having the word exist), when I take a joke too far and it hurts a relationship I like, when i stub my toes or bang my fingers on something, when friends snapchat me of a hangout I wasn’t invited or even told about when the whole group is there, when people are at a dance and everyone forms that dance circle for random people to go in and dance their heart out then someone busts out breakdancing in a crowd thats literally the worst group of dancers( like seriously i dare you to watch that shit. unless someone has some serious balls no one will go in the circle after that for a whole 5-10 minutes because no one can follow that up. like thats fine if youre in a group of other really good dancers or break dancers but like come on man. thats like having a seasoned and grown ass michael jordan in your middle school basketball game. )

28. i’ll love you if… you make me a handmade gift, you tell me you were thinking of me, you give me a lot of attention lol, you share your food with me, you try some of my favourite games or watch my favourite animes with me, we end up saying the same shit at the same time, do crazy shit with me, ride rollercoasters with me, if youre cold or something and you need to borrow my jacket or sweater i will gladly lend it to you unless its like - 30 then we share lol, if you rant to me or vent to me. if you keep the conversation going unless you know im in a bad mood or something serious happened

29. favourite film(s) Treasure planet. thats it. 

30. favourite tv show(s) Spider riders? di gata defenders, samurai jack, martin mystery, totally spies, jacob two two, team galaxy, ben 10 ( only up to ultimate alien and alien force, the rest sucked), code lyoko, master chef, chopped, medabots, gundam seed, the weekenders, code name kids next door, uhh theres probably like 30 other ones but nothing else i can remember off the top of my head.

31. 3 random facts I have a bottle of taro flavoured gin sitting beside my desk, I have reading glasses, I like the feeling of cleaning my ears with cotton swabs

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? guys. although in highschool it was girls

33. something you want to learn? the italian, korean, and japanese language. maybe russian. I want to learn how to juggle and do card tricks, I want to learn everything about my friends, I want to learn how to profile someone and deduce things sherlock style. I also want to learn more about volleyball tbh

34. most embarrassing moment. I pooped my pants while at a friends 6th birthday and my brother had to help me

35. favourite subject. English. I like poetry the most

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? To be in a rowboat in Venice Italy with my significant other under the moonlight and right as we’re about to kiss, fireworks go off in the distance. to be a world renowned psychologist/psychiatrist but working in my old high school trying to help people who are bound to do the same dumb ass shit I did. to wini the lottery or just raise enough money off a really good paying job i like to send my parents back home to philippines like they dreamed. 

37. favourite actor/actress. Mary Elizabeth Winstead or Ellen Page

38. favourite comedian(s) Gabriel iglesias, christopher titus, bo burnham

39. favourite sport(s) volleyball, i dont play many others

40. favourite memory: that one day at cap ex. “ what about this ship?” “ well, we’ll see where it takes us”

41. relationship status pringle.

42. favourite book(s) perks of being a wallflower, eleanor and park, Somebody up there hates you, nick and norah’s infinite playlist, an abundance of katherines

43. favourite song ever Pocket full of dreams by hedley

44. age you get mistaken for: no one guesses my age

45. how you found out about your idol: i met him lol hes my friend’s boyfriend

46. what my last text message says “ like I don’t want to get out of bed”

47. turn ons:  Short hair, freckles, dimples, tits that fit perfectly in my hand or bigger is cool too, into kinky shit, still makes jokes even in sex( not all the time though), likes passionate aggressive sex, tom boyish, asian, very physically touchy/clingy, smells nice, soft skin, tongue when kissing, knows how to dirty talk or sound seductive.

48. turn offs: smells bad(breath or body odor), those dirty white people dreadlocks, being like professional body builder ripped levels, and sure fuck it I’ll say it; being extremely overweight. 

49. where i want to be right now, Venice Italy

50. favourite picture of your idol again, can’t do photos. too dumb

51. starsign Taurus

52. something i’m talented at , guessing a pokemon after hearing its cry only applicable to the first 2-3 generations

53. 5 things that make me happy. friends, food, sleep, money, video games

54. something thats worrying me at the moment. my future and how dark it is

55. tumblr friends I dont have many and the ones i do have i don’t know if i should tag on here

56. favourite food(s) bbq ribs, pulled pork, pizza, bimbimbap, filipino bbq skewers, tosino, lechon kawale, lechon adobo, insemada(not sure how to spell that), pasta, and curry

57. favourite animal(s) cats

58. description of my best friend, hes asian

59. why i joined tumblr, my friend kept using inside jokes and memes from tumblr so i got curious