#i literally just decided to learn everything about this issue yesterday i am not caught up on the lore

[cheddaryouthanme]

I just feel like if the issue is “one of them is being a bully” and “one of them is being a baby” then it’s very clear to me that one of them is more in the wrong than the other.

[bratkook]

girls like you. (m) kth

‘swear to god she's a blessing and a curse, should’ve learned from you’

pairing. taehyung x reader genre. smut, some plot (not really) word count. 26k warnings. three separate smut scenes: masturbation in a public bathroom, handjob, exhibitionism on a bus, tae creeps on oc’s nudes, brief mentions of oc being a sex worker, dirty talk, messy sex, praising, grinding, pussy job, cum swallowing, overstimulation, forced orgasms, oral (m. receiving), fingering, begging, use of sex toys (hitachi), color system, use of safe word (yellow not red), crying, edging, choking, cockwarming, oc is very much straight forward and ‘in charge’ but def not a dom summary. girls like you were the ones he desired from afar. girls like you weren’t the girls you take home to mother. girls like you knew the power they had over a boy like him and fuck, did he love it. note. this is a reupload of an older story that i took down to be re-edited. it’s essentially pure filth with some plot and it’s mostly an excuse to write something where Taehyung is a little submissive compared to the reader. also 100% inspired by the song girls like u by blackbear. please let me know your thoughts on this thank u ilysm !!

The daily commute from his home to university was always long and boring to put it simply. The monotonous routine was something he could do with his eyes closed. It started the same every morning, waking up with sleep still heavy on his lids, grabbing a quick bite to eat from the convenience store by the bus stop, and waiting in the differing degrees of weather until the hunk of metal creeped up the street. 

There was one plus to dragging himself out of bed at the ungodly hour of five am in order to catch the bus on time—really why did he ever think choosing morning classes was the way to go—regardless, the blessing came in the form of a near empty bus the second he stepped on.

Considering he was one of the first stops for this route, he’s lucky enough to always snag a seat. It's the same seat every time and he’s almost positive the regular riders knew this by now. Snagging a seat meant he could tuck his headphones in, rest his head against the window of the bus and pretend the way his head bounced back from the potholes wasn’t killing the last remaining brain cells he had.

What difference would a few brain cells be in the grand scheme of things? He couldn’t care less, always more focused on whatever was on his phone. The brightness was dimmed to an appropriate setting to not burn his dry eyes, strands of hair covering his face as he looked down at his lap, fingers scrolling robotically through his instagram feed and then switching over to his twitter.

It must have been a sign from god that made instagram crash that morning, causing an influx of annoying ‘is instagram down for anyone else or just me’ tweets that made him roll his eyes and choose to lock his phone and lift his head up from its permanent downcast position. He was getting a mean case of tech neck anyways, rolling his head and shoulders to release the awkward tension lingering in his muscles.

That’s when he noticed the eyes staring right at him. Had he looked up more often he would have known that those exact eyes had been watching him intently for weeks now, sitting and hoping he would eventually look up. He’s half expecting you to look away, embarrassed by being caught blatantly staring at him but instead, you tilted your head slightly and gave him a sly smirk, almost as if you’re taunting him to look away. And that’s exactly what he does, his eyes darting away and apparently his whole head wanted to follow, ramming against the window with a nice whack.

Great. Good going man.

He could feel his face burning with embarrassment, refusing to look up because he could just picture you laughing at him. Hell, maybe you were recording him with the purpose to post once instagram decided to get it’s shit together. With that in mind, it didn’t take much debating before he decided that repetitive tweets were more entertaining than making eye contact with you again, unlocking his phone and beginning the endless scrolling once more.

The long ride allowed him to eventually push his embarrassment aside, eyes lazily skimming the words on his screen, not digesting anything he’s reading. It’s not until the bus jolted forward at his stop that he took a chance and looked over at you quickly, noticing you were already up by the front, waltzing out of the doors before he could even get himself up from his seat.

A double take out the window confirmed that he was in fact at the university bus stop, hastily shoving his phone into his pocket and hurrying off the bus before the driver could get annoyed at his slow pace. 

Your silhouette was slowly disappearing through the crowd of other students and he had to snap out of his small daze once he lost you entirely, shrugging his shoulders at the odd encounter before making his way towards his first class of the morning.

His university is pretty large, the amount of students here bordering on absurd and it’s the main reason he chose to take the bus to school instead of driving because the parking lot is literally hell on earth. With all that said, he still couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t seen you before this morning. Had you always taken that bus with him? Also, how long had you been staring at him? Maybe it was just today, but fuck, did that mean he had something weird on his face...or maybe his hair looked jacked up in order for you to just stare.

“You good?” The sound of Jungkook brought him out of the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind, coming to a screeching halt and settling back into the dust as he came back to reality. Once his eyes finally focused back in, he realized he’s been staring at some random girl a few seats down with a zombie like expression. No wonder she was now giving him a bizarre look.

“Fuck.” Too embarrassed to even attempt to apologize to his classmate, he averted his eyes and looked to his left where Jungkook sat, a concerned expression on his face as he took a giant bite out of his oversized breakfast burrito. “I’m good.”

Jungkook gave him a once over, narrowing his eyes as he chewed his food, a bit of egg lingering by his lip. “Bullshit.”

The look of disgust on Taehyung’s face was very evident, so Jungkook could only smile before taking yet another massive bite out of his burrito, making an absolute show of chewing the meal. 

“You’re fucking disgusting.”

“Thanks.” Jungkook laughed, blowing his friend a kiss before properly chewing and taking a gulp of his water. “You sure you’re good Tae? You were staring into the fucking abyss or something earlier.”

From first glance he definitely looked like he was really thinking about some deep rooted issues. His body had been slightly hunched over his desk, eyes zoned out on that poor girl but his mind was elsewhere. An array of emotions had played out on his face, features contorted into different forms of distress as he had a mental conversation with himself. So when Jungkook walked in and saw him in that state he just had to make sure he was alright.

“I’m fine, just had a weird morning is all.”

The next morning started off the same as always. Taehyung only had two morning classes today so he stayed in his sweats and hoodie, stopping by the convenience store to grab something to eat before getting to his bus stop. 

It was routine: his feet dragging along the sidewalk and coming to a halt beside the bench, mind still heavy with sleep, until a flash of a memory pops in so quickly it made him wince. 

That’s when he was reminded about you. 

You had left his mind after his first class yesterday, the stress of assignments taking over the part of his brain that was curious–and a little embarrassed–about your interaction. All that occupied his day was finishing that essay for his biology class, facetiming Jimin who needed help deciding between shirts before his date, and now the kimbap he currently had in his hand. 

But as he sat at the bench waiting for the bus, the only thing repeating in his mind was him smacking his face against the glass so hard his brain rattled, and unfortunately, his breakfast didn’t seem as appetizing anymore.

When the familiar hunk of metal pulled up in front of him he couldn’t help the small feeling of nerves bubbling up in his stomach. He felt a little stupid, how one situation was making him overthink little things when for all he knew you’ve been riding the same bus for months.

He shuffled down the aisle after swiping his bus card, head staring at the floor because he was a little scared to look up and see you on the bus already. Thankfully his usual seat was unoccupied—the last row at the back right next to the right window—so he made a beeline right towards it. 

Crinkling from his pockets filled the quiet bus as he finally settled into his seat, setting his backpack onto the floor right between his legs. Moving slowly in order to not draw attention, his hand reached in and pulled out the kimbap from his pocket, peeling it open and taking a bite off the corner. His eyes took a peek up, cautiously drifting over the few passengers on the bus with him and noticing that you weren’t on the bus yet.

Okay, my stop is before hers.

Taehyung’s body instantly relaxed into his seat, a small sigh leaving his lips. The creeping feeling of embarrassment faded away now, allowing him to fish his phone out of his pocket as he enjoyed his breakfast, fingers tapping as he scrolled and liked the occasional picture on instagram.

Considering it was a Wednesday morning all social media was pretty dead, so once he got to the end of everything, he locked his phone and just stared at the scenery blending together. 

Before he could fully zone out, something made his nerves light up. A small burning sensation coming from his left and he had an inkling of what it could be. Carefully, he lifted his head away from against the window and let his eyes travel over to where he just knew you were sitting.

Yup. There you were. A few seats closer than last time, sat in one of the single seats facing the aisles, staring right at him. His eyes trailed down from yours and couldn’t help but stare at the small bit of cleavage you had showing in your low cut shirt. A gold charm was resting between your boobs, cursive letters spelling out what he could only assume was a nickname. 

He only realized he was blatantly staring at your tits when the sudden movement of your hand coming up brought him out of his stupid fuckboy trance.

To be honest, he was expecting you to move your hand to lift your shirt up or flip him off, he wasn’t expecting you to tug your shirt down a bit further and lean over, placing your chin on the hand that was resting on your crossed leg. His wide eyes drifted up to your lips, seeing the gloss shining off of them, showcasing the little smirk you had on.

You were taunting him, seeing if he would look away this time or not, and surprisingly he hadn’t. He wasn’t looking at your boobs now though, his eyes were zoned in on your lips and the occasional pink bubble you would blow with your gum.

Deciding to take it a small step further, you leaned back a tiny bit and let your fingertips graze the top of your chest while maintaining your gaze on him. That was when his eyes shot down to your chest once more, seeing the heart outline tattoo on your pinky before quickly looking around the bus at the other riders who weren’t paying you any attention. 

When he finally got the courage to look directly at your eyes you just gave him a wink before leaning all the way back in your seat and deciding you were done with whatever the hell that was, leaving Taehyung sitting in his seat, slightly sexually frustrated and a little confused at how something so simple could rile him up.

When the bus jolted to a stop in front of the university you hopped up from your seat and headed off to your class with a hop in your step, satisfied with your little game. Taehyung could simply watch with a dumbfounded expression, immediately standing up from his seat and awkwardly holding his bag in front of him to try to hide his junk as discreetly as he could. 

This was embarrassing. Why was every encounter he’d had with you this far ended in him feeling embarrassed and you feeling accomplished?

Little did he know that’s how the majority of your encounters would go. The bus ride to school was now the leading cause of his blue balls and the highlight of your rather boring morning. He had now started to see you around school more often, whether that was because he was now looking out for you or purely coincidental, he wasn’t sure but he was certain you were taunting him. Especially with the outfits you would wear. They weren’t vastly inappropriate, but it seemed like every pair of shorts got a little shorter and every skirt a little tighter.

Obviously he knew he probably wasn’t the only dude who was on your radar, so it was a little self centered to assume you were doing this just to him, but it was definitely affecting him to the extent of his friends asking him what the hell was on his mind.

“Honestly dude, what’s your deal?”

“Hm?” he questioned, one hand on the lid of his coffee cup while his eyes stared at the table they were currently sitting around in the nearby coffee shop. Taehyung had been zoned out the entire time his friends had been talking about the upcoming party at Seokjin’s fraternity later this week. His mind just kept repeating the scene that unfolded on the bus earlier that morning with you, a skirt that was too short, and the way you let him catch a glance of your underwear when you accidentally opened your legs too wide when you went to cross them over.

“Like, what porn are you watching that constantly has you in a daze?”

“Yeah, send us a link or something!”

Taehyung frowned at his friends' comments, although they weren’t really too far off. He might not be thinking about porn exactly, but his thoughts were far from pure regarding you.

Jungkook was cackling obnoxiously as the rest of his friends cracked jokes about Taehyung being a porn addict, and honestly it was a shocker they hadn’t been asked to leave from the sheer volume coming from the group. Add the vulgar topic of porn to the mix and it was only a matter of minutes before the cute barista who had a huge crush on Yoongi would come over and shyly ask them to keep it down.

“Shut up,” Tae grumbled out, hand abandoning his coffee cup and aggressively rubbing his eyes. It was almost like he was trying to scrub the thought of you out of his mind like a dirty stain on his clothes.

Namjoon was the one who suddenly gasped like a child finding change on the floor. “Fuck, it’s not porn is it?”

That caused a couple of confused grunts to come from around him, choruses of ‘well if not porn then what’ and ‘no way don’t you see the difference in buffness between his arms he’s totally addicted to some weird shit.’

Taehyung sat up a little straighter, a small look of curiosity on his face as he glanced at Namjoon. Yes, his friend was the genius of the group in every sense of the word but he couldn’t have possibly figured it ou— “Who’s the girl you’ve been literally fantasizing over for weeks?”

Fuck.

Whoops and hollers were the next sound of choice from his immature friends, Hoseok going as far as violently shaking his shoulder while everyone teased him and that’s when Eunha finally walked over very timidly.  

“Hey Yoongi.”

Yoongi glanced up at the sound of his name, his smile growing a little softer when he noticed who it was coming from. Everyone knew she had a crush on him—including Yoongi himself—so they always tried to be as nice as possible to her. “Hey Eunha.”

She tucked a piece of her short hair behind her ear, her eyes drifting to everyone around the table before landing back on Yoongi. “Sorry, my boss is just saying you guys are being a little too loud and I don’t want him to kick you guys out so,” she pressed her palms together gently. “Could you guys just bring it down a tiny bit?”

“Shit, yeah. Sorry about that. We’ll keep it down, thanks babe.” A small blush tinted her cheeks at the pet name and she was only able to mumble out a meek okay before she scurried off with a giant smile on her face.

All of them watched her round the corner and slip into the employee only backroom, smiles on all of their faces until the door swung shut, and then they were back to all eyes on Taehyung. 

“So, who is she?” They all inched in a little closer at Jimin’s question, acting like fucking vultures, desperate for any bit of gossip Tae was willing to spill. They couldn’t be blamed though, they had witnessed their usual charismatic friend go from flirting with random girls and throwing jokes here and there to basically sitting in class in a weird zombie-like trance. But those were only the days where he had morning classes, so they just needed to find the connection between it all.

“Just some girl I ride the bus with to school.”

There was a beat of silence before Yoongi spoke up. “Okay, so ask her out?”

Now how was he supposed to come out and say that you and him had never really spoken, and he didn’t even know your name and you didn’t know his, and the only interactions you’ve had were very sexual in nature, but you’ve also never physically touched each other? He was stuck, only able to chew on his lips in thought, but luckily his friends took that as a cue to encourage him.

“Yeah man, ask her out or something! Especially if she’s got you this strung up.”

He wanted to laugh, really he did, but he also realized that he really didn’t have anything to lose when it came to approaching you. If he approached you and it didn’t go in his favor then he could just move on with his life. Pretty simple right?

That was how he found himself bolting up the second you did the next morning on the bus, standing a few feet behind you as the bus pulled up to the stop. You had chosen to simply stare at him every now and then during this particular morning, extremely PG compared to the other rides, so he thankfully didn’t have the majority of his blood rushing to his dick today. Because of this, he was hopeful he could actually say some words to you that didn’t make him seem like an asshole.

You stepped off the bus quickly, your heeled booties clicking against the steps and landing on the concrete smoothly, whereas his vans thumped the whole way down with a lot less grace in his haste, but he was able to catch up to you nonetheless.

He didn’t want to shout out your name because well, he didn’t actually know your full name aside from the cute charmed necklace you constantly wore, and what better way to garner more creepy points than to make it clear he stared at your tits. So he chose to jog up to you and place a hand on your shoulder, making your body come to a halt, but it was almost like you were expecting it with the half smile that graced your face.

“Hey, what’s your deal?”

Nice first words Taehyung.

You raised a brow at his remark, arms coming to cross under your chest as you watched him with clear amusement on your features. “My deal?” Your voice had him pausing momentarily, he was half expecting it to sound high and sweet but there was a slight edge to it, the sound a little lower in tone than he had mentally imagined.

“Uh yeah.” He let go of your shoulder and chose to fidget with the black beanie on his head instead, his palms going clammy. “You’ve been staring at me for weeks on the bus.”

You were staring at him intently, watching how nervous he was to even speak to you, not an ounce of shame on your face at being called out. The fact that he was even talking to you had caught you off guard. You weren’t really expecting him to ever say anything at this point since most men would have pounced for a chance to get a word in after the first time they had caught you staring at them.

“Does that bug you?”

“No!” He instantly shouted out, hands outstretched almost as if he was scared of offending you. “I just wanted to know why you…stare?”

You nodded along, your lips turning up at the corners slyly, tongue gently running along the bottom of your teeth as you smiled. “You’re nice to stare at.” His eyes widened at that and you couldn’t help but think how cute he looked in that moment. Why did he seem like he was so out of his element? 

“And,” you started as you pulled a slip of paper and a pen out of your small side bag, quickly jotting something down before folding it in half. “I’ve just been thinking about how cute you’d look between my thighs for the past couple of weeks, so message me whenever you want.” You reached down and picked up the hand that was resting by his side, your fingers opening his palm and sliding the paper into it before closing it and just walking away without a second glance.

How could you just waltz away as if you hadn’t made him combust internally, calling him cute while slipping in a filthy thought. You hadn’t even cared to get his name before you admitted to wanting to sleep with him, and if this were a frat party and Taehyung was absolutely wasted that’s exactly how he would approach a girl too, but being on the receiving end made him a little unsure of himself.

The tiny folded paper in his palm was spread apart and that’s when he finally learned your actual name, along with your number which was written beside it in black ink and finished off with a heart.

He never got the courage to text you.

Well, not until he saw you on the bus the following morning with a damn lollipop in between your lips. The way you slowly trailed it up towards your lips was just asking for dirty thought to cross his mind. 

That was exactly your reason for doing it though, this was like a game for you, he just didn’t realize it and that’s what enticed you to continue it, torturing him slightly since he had failed to reach out to you.

You let the green lollipop rest on your tongue momentarily before gliding it down and letting the tip of your tongue circle around it, seeing his eyes widen slightly at the provocative action.

Taehyung looked around at the lingering passengers to see if anyone was watching whatever this was going down but there was no audience, there never seemed to be one. The only passengers were gathered towards the front, all engrossed in their books or phones so they don’t see the way you swirl your tongue around the candy.

You clearly had the art of seduction down by how quickly he could feel his pants tightening but he couldn’t help it. His eyes were glued on your mouth, the way you were enjoying that stupid sucker was way too sexual and it didn’t help that your eyes were piercing into him. You knew exactly what you were doing to him. With how fixated his eyes were you could tell what thoughts were floating in his mind, especially by the way he shifted in his seat.

Taehyung was currently hating his life with all he had in him for wearing sweats, gray sweats to top it off. Those are surely going to show the nice outline of his half hard dick when he gets up.

He really should look away from you but every time he tried, flashes of you between his legs would entice him to keep staring. There has never been a moment where he felt more like a pervert than right now and he almost felt ashamed to be watching you. Almost.

This was just fun for you, you weren’t dwelling on this as much as Taehyung was. You only ever thought of him when you woke up for class and wondered how you were going to subtly torture him on the commute to school. You wanted to see how far you could take it before he reacted differently, whether that be him approaching you in person once more or finally shooting you a text.

Would he ever make a move on you? It was hard to tell considering he never reached out and what man would turn down an invite for casual sex if he was semi interested. Would he ever tell you to stop? You obviously would, but the way he denied being bothered by you giving him attention just led you to believe he was very much into it.

The subtle shift in his seat also showed you how much he was into the little show you had for him. He had pulled his phone out, tapping on a new message with your name being typed in.

Why are you doing this– he quickly deleted that, the little line flashing as it waited for the next words to be typed out.

Do you enjoy giving me random boners this early– nope delete that too.

The feeling of the bus coming to a stop made him lift his gaze from his phone and back to you, a small wink was shot in his direction before you were standing up and walking your way towards the front of the bus, your lollipop making your cheek bulge out as you let it rest on the side of your mouth. Taehyung just watched you standing there, one hand gripping the metal railing above you as the bus approached the stop. You gave one last glance over your shoulder to see if he had moved before you stepped off the bus, taking the sucker out of your mouth and giving him a wicked smirk before popping it back in and sauntering off to your first class of the day.

Taehyung once again had a boner pressing against the fabric of his pants and he couldn’t help the groan that left him because dammit, this was happening too often. He was tired of having to daydream about nasty shit to get it to go away while you just pranced off satisfied with how you left him.

He hesitated in his seat for a moment, debating whether he should hop off and head back home so he could calmly deal with the current situation in his pants or if he could suck it up and actually focus enough during his first class.

The bus driver looked at his rear mirror and gave him an irritated look, and with that his decision was made for him. Well a compromise actually, he wouldn’t be able to focus in class when all he was thinking about was your lips around his cock and the fact that you admitted to wanting to fuck him, but he also couldn’t leave school entirely because he had a test his next class and the bus ride back to his house and back to school was too troublesome to bother with.

So he was currently headed to the boys restroom in the building his first class was in, a little more pep in his step because he was finally going to fix one of the problems you caused. Did he feel a little shame in him? Yes. He did. But he was currently blocking that out entirely. All he was thinking about was how great the feeling of his hand around his dick was going to be, and that alone was enough to get him to walk just a little bit faster.

He entered the building and climbed up the stairs two at a time, clearly in a hurry but who could blame him. Luckily most classes were currently in session and if someone didn’t have a class they were usually lounging outside or getting coffee nearby so he knew the bathroom would be free of people, proven right when he swung the door open and saw no one inside.

Taehyung walked to the stall the furthest away from the door and deemed it worthy enough before stepping in and locking it behind him. He took a deep breath as he stared at the wall in front of him, having somewhat of a mental debate. Had he really gotten to this point where he had to resort to jacking off in a bathroom stall?

He let one of his palms rub down his face for a moment, but only a moment because he had a problem to fix and right now his throbbing dick was way more important than his morals. So he shrugged off his backpack and hung it behind him on the hook and slid his sweats down along with his boxers, the material bunching together around his thighs.

Taehyung shut his eyes, not being able to stare at the porcelain toilet in front of him as he wrapped his hand around his cock, the feeling making a shudder run up his back. A gentle tug started his motions, his shoulders dropping from finally feeling some sort of relief after the show you had put on for him. The way your pink lips were wet from sucking on your candy made it easy to picture you between his legs, your lips coated in saliva from giving him what he’s sure would be the best blowjob of his life, chin messy as you stuck your tongue out for him.

He could almost feel his hands in between your hair, tugging on your strands as you picked up the pace, so he mimicked it himself, stopping momentarily to spit into his palm to make the glide a little smoother. 

Fuck, he really should have texted you, maybe then he wouldn’t be doing something as filthy as this. Maybe—no he definitely would know what this would feel like in real life, but his hand would just have to do.

A groan left his mouth as he tugged on his cock faster now, eyes squeezing shut as he pictured you sucking on the tip of it, your eyes looking up at him in the same piercing way they always did. He’d like to think that you’d deepthroat him, or tease him, maybe even edge him because you definitely liked to torture him. His mind was flipping through a million and one scenarios as his pace sped up, now hunched over the toilet, the hand that wasn’t pushing him over the edge of an orgasm pressed against the wall in front of him.

His hips started thrusting into his hand, joining in on the motion, a whine felt at the back of his throat begging to come out because of how desperate he felt for his release. The pent up frustration he had for himself, and how badly he wanted to fuck you, paired up with his thumb focusing on his tip every time he stroked up brought him to his orgasm. A choked groan left his mouth as his hips stuttered, his hand continuing to stroke himself rather quickly as ribbons of white shot into the toilet. His groans turned into soft whines as he kept up the pace, the tingles he felt on his dick from the oversensitivity felt too good for him to stop, he was way too desperate for this and it was disappointing that it was over. It wasn’t until his hips and stomach continued to twitch that he finally pulled his hand away from his softening dick.

Taehyung leaned his back against the door, feeling the material of his backpack against him as he slumped down. His forehead was sweaty and his chest was heaving from his orgasm but he was content with himself now, mind no longer whirling with thoughts of you and that damn lollipop. He grabbed toilet paper and cleaned himself up before wiping down the toilet seat as clean as he could and flushing the evidence down the toilet.

He secured the strings to his sweatpants once again and stepped out of the stall, standing a little taller, glancing from side to side and letting out a breath of relief that no one was occupying the urinals or stalls. After washing his hands he stepped back out into the halls of his university and headed down the stairs to go sit in the quad to wait for his next class.

You were going to be the death of him. How was it that you had this much power over him and were so unaffected by it? He needed to do something about this, so he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Taehyung ignored the notifications on his screen from his friends and opened up a new message, typing in your name before staring at the blank thread waiting to be filled.

Taehyung 9:40am : I hope you’re happy with the problem you gave me.

Was that the best message to send? Probably not, but he wasn’t letting himself think about it too much before the spark of courage left him so he tapped send and immediately backed out of the message, choosing to pretend to occupy his mind by reading the texts he got from Jungkook. The typical ‘are you dead’ texts he would send him if he ever missed class, along with a random text from Namjoon asking if he’d made a move on the mystery girl yet.

Taehyung jumped so hard his phone almost fell out of his grasp when it buzzed with a new text from you. His fingers couldn’t move fast enough to open the notification but his smile dropped instantly when he saw your response.

Y/N  9:51am : Who is this?

How should he respond to this? Were you joking? 

His lips were pursed as he stared at his screen, waiting to see the three little dots indicating that you were still typing, maybe saying it was a joke but they never popped up so Taehyung decided to be rational and realize that he literally never gave you his name.

Taehyung 9:53am : It’s Taehyung.

Stupid. You wouldn’t know who that was so he went back and started typing another response only stopping when another one of your messages popped up.

Y/N 9:54am :???

Taehyung 9:55am : Boy on bus

He left the messages open, staring at the screen and grinning to himself when he saw the notification pop up under his text, letting him know you had read the message. But when you never replied as the minutes went on, he started to feel a little dejected, so he locked his phone and shoved it deep into his pocket as he tried to go about the rest of his day.

Taehyung liked to think he was a very easy going guy, someone who doesn’t let little things get to him, but that was just him lying to himself. He was relatively chill about 70 percent of the time, but that remaining 30 percent? Oh boy, that was the over thinking, over analyzing, Taehyung.

“Are you okay?” Solji, the girl who sat next to him in his environmental science class asked him. They hardly ever spoke unless they were exchanging notes for upcoming quizzes, but with the way his face currently looked she just had to make sure he wasn’t going through something serious. She tried once more but when he didn’t answer she just shrugged and decided it wasn’t her business.

He had his brows furrowed so deeply there was a small little indent in between them, his eyes focused on the corner of his desk while his mind was trying to think of every reason you hadn’t responded. You could have lost your phone, or better yet maybe somebody had snatched it from you the very second you had read his message. Or maybe, your phone—or his—glitched and you never got the message at all.

Little did he know you were currently sitting in your economics class, tucked away in the back corner with your phone in your hand as the professor lectured with the projector screen on in the dark room. You were purposely ignoring Taehyung’s message, turning your read receipts on just to torture him further.

He had finally messaged you and unfortunately it was not with a invitation to fuck. It did however paint a smile on your face because you knew he was very affected by you from the message he sent.

All you wanted was for him to be more forward. You knew he had jacked off at school, he had to, so why couldn’t he just go ahead and say that. Spice shit up a little and talk about what he was thinking about when he did it. It’s the little things really.

You clicked back onto his thread in your messages, choosing now to respond to him. Your fingernails lightly clicked on your screen as you typed out a response and snickered before hitting send.

Y/N  11:37am : Oh? okay.

Taehyung felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and his heart stopped, eyes widening to the point where poor Solji was once again concerned about his well being. She was gonna ask him one more time if he was okay but his sudden movement had her flinching back and avoiding eye contact as he shoved his hands into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

Oh fuck she responded. He thought to himself as he unlocked his phone to see the notification, he opened the thread and read the message, scrolling up and back down almost as if he was trying to refresh the page for more of the message to load because there was no way in fucking hell that’s all you sent him.

But it was. That much was made very clear after a few minutes passed and you didn’t send anything else.

It was almost like Taehyung’s mind was on autopilot. He had finished his test minutes prior, so he shoved his pencil and extra scantron into his backpack before he stood up and practically stomped his way out of the classroom.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t handle the mystery that was you. It would be very easy for him to just text back and get to know you but this was the 30 percent, over thinking, over analyzing, not chill Taehyung, and that was just not the way he did things.

Not chill Taehyung decided it was appropriate to bail out on his current class as well as bail out on the plans his friends had all made after classes. He decided it was perfectly fine to hop his merry self onto the bus and head on home. The plan was not very thought out, at all, but as he rode the bus home he just knew he would have to do some lurking to find something about you. 

While he was doing that driving his mind into the gutter, you were leaving your current class, heading out to meet your friends for a late lunch.

You had your phone held in your hand, almost hoping Taehyung would text back with something a little exciting, but he didn’t. That was fine by you though, he was right in assuming he wasn’t the only guy on your radar and although something about him made you want to pounce on him, if he wasn’t going to act on it then you weren’t going to dwell on it.

“Alright girls so what’s the plan for tomorrow night?” Hani spoke up, rubbing her hands together evilly.

“Be a child of god and go to sleep on time because I have a test the following day.” A chorus of boos followed all around, Sunmi even going as far as tossing a crumpled up napkin at Chungha who only rolled her eyes.

“C’mon Chungha. Just come out for a little bit,” you pleaded, grabbing her hands in yours and giving her the saddest puppy eyes you could muster.

“Ahh, no! You always do this Y/N!” she whined, throwing her head back in frustration. “But fine, only for two hours and I can’t get wasted.”

The three of you cheered obnoxiously, knowing very well that she would end up as trashed as all of you were, but that was a problem for tomorrow night. A problem for tonight however just occurred in the form of a notification on your phone.

You stared at it curiously, it was a notification from your blog that you used on occasion so you opened it up and smirked at what you discovered.

Not chill Taehyung had obviously gone home and did his lurking on you. Nowadays it really wasn’t hard to find anything on anyone considering how open people were on their socials so Taehyung was able to find your instagram with ease, especially now that he had your phone number.

He had scrolled through your feed carefully, seeing group photos with your girlfriends at parties, and an abundance of slightly suggestive selfies. There was one thing that was clear, you definitely had confidence in your body and he admired that.

Instagram only showed him a glimpse of your life and it wasn’t enough for him. Considering Taehyung had an account for every social media made, he knew you probably did too. So he took to a generic search, and even a reverse image search because he was so desperate it was pathetic. But it worked, because one certain photo you had uploaded on your instagram of you in a bikini with your face cut off was also uploaded onto a blog online.

At first glance he assumed it was just a generic porn blog that had reposted your photo, but upon further scrolling he noticed all the photos on there were of the same girl. You. 

His first instinct was to exit out of the site and act like he never found it, feeling slightly creepy at what his lurking had uncovered. But the curiosity was eating him alive, so he continued to scroll, seeing simple photos of you in lingerie; never revealing your face or anything else besides your ass and boobs. Along with that were some questions you would answer and with that he gathered that you had quite a bit of fans online.

There was one photo in particular that really caught his attention. The image was a little low quality, showing you with a black heart choker on and a stringy caged bralette that let your boobs pop out, your fingers slicked with something he could only imagine as they pinched your pebbled nipples. The heart outline tattoo on your pinky is what confirmed that it was in fact you in that photo, and that was enough for him to click the heart button on the bottom right to save into his likes for later.

What he didn’t know was that you checked your activity quite often. He also didn’t know that his blog, unlike yours, was not anonymous and had a stupid selfie of him as the icon.

So as he sat in his room and jerked off while thinking about you for the second time that day, you sat in the restaurant and giggled to yourself a little every time he liked a new photo, letting you know exactly what he was up to.

“Are you on that money pile blog of yours again?” Sunmi asked as she chewed on a chunk of butter soaked bread.

“Yes,” you responded simply, taking a sip of your drink and smiling when your friends cheered you on.

“How much have you made with it?” Hani asked curiously, pulling her shirt's neckline out to inspect her boobs. 

You thought about it for a moment; you started that blog to help you pay for school and have some left over for yourself and with luck on your side, it took off pretty quickly. While you did post provocative pictures online, they were all pretty timid in nature, so it was only a matter of time before you started getting messages of people interested in purchasing personal pictures or videos.

There were quite a few older men willing to send you hundreds of dollars for simple photos or videos, but the majority of your buyers were people around your age who chose to purchase access to your private account for a monthly fee. It was always funny to you how some of these people went to your school and either had no idea it was you, or chose to pretend they didn’t know you.

“Enough to pay off my tuition this semester and put some away.”

Chungha nodded to herself, thinking it was impressive. “Get your coin girl.”

The following morning Taehyung hopped onto the bus with a feeling of guilt settling into the pit of his stomach, a nasty churning sensation that had plagued him in his sleep. It made him forgo his usual kimbap breakfast, afraid he’d hurl it up the second he made eye contact with you on this ride and the last thing he needed was another embarrassing moment to add to the list. 

He shouldn’t have touched himself to those photos that you hadn’t sent to him exclusively, and he definitely shouldn’t have saved them in his likes. Sure they were on a public domain, but still, it made him feel wrong.

He slid into his seat of choice and shoved his earbuds in, drowning out the small hum that filled the vehicle. Taehyung was so focused on trying to fry out the memory of your boobs from his mind by blasting music that he hadn’t noticed the bus stop and the sound of chunky platforms making their way up the aisle.

You sat down a few rows closer than normal, analyzing him for a moment; his dark hair was covering his eyes partially, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his grey windbreaker, and his jean clad legs bouncing rapidly made it so clear he was nervous.

Perfect.

A smile graced your lips as you slipped your phone out, opening up the thread you had with Taehyung, with your very uninterested message being the last thing you had sent him. It’s almost as if the tiny devil on his shoulder called his attention, convincing him to peer over, almost jumping in his seat when he realized you were on the bus and a lot closer than before.

When he saw your attention on your phone instead of him for once, he couldn’t help but think that maybe you had lost interest in this little game. Maybe he had taken it a bit too far and knowing he had jacked off at school to the thought of you had turned you off.

That is until his phone buzzed in his pocket. Sharp eyes darting up and locking onto his right after, a knowing smirk on your face as you raised your hand and waved your fingers at him.

Y/N 8:09am : Hi bus boy.

Oh god.

Why was he so fucking nervous to talk to you god dammit. His eyes drifted back over to you, seeing you still staring at him, your head tilted in curiosity at why he still hadn’t responded.

With slightly trembling hands he begins to type out a response.

Taehyung 8:11am : Hey bu—

His fingers stop when a new message slides up on the screen.

Y/N 8:11am : Thanks for liking my pictures on my blog.

Y/N 8:11am : Saving them for later?

His stomach drops, mind playing a nice little montage of him scrolling through your blog and pressing that damn heart button as fast as he could. How could he be so stupid in thinking he was being discreet?

Taehyung 8:13am : Fuck im so sorry

He couldn’t look back up, his eyes focused on the three dots indicating your typing. It seemed endless. Were you gonna send him a giant paragraph calling him a pig or some other insult, tell him you had blocked his IP address and would be filing a restraining order on him?

Y/N 8:16am : No, it’s my pleasure.

He stared at the text in mild shock, the kissy face emoji at the end taunting him. Were you fucking with him? It honestly seemed like it considering you had hopped up off your seat and walked off the bus, your hips swaying in the small skirt you wore which only taunted him some more.

Taehyung let out a groan as he rubbed his palms into his face in frustration. What the hell was his deal? He felt like a prepubescent boy who had never spoken to a girl let alone slept with one. Maybe he was losing his edge. Regardless, he was done suffering through this alone so he was going to suck up his pride and seek out the help of his friends.

That was how he found himself once again sitting around the table in the small cafe they all frequented. The six of his friends gave him intent stares at he finished off his story, “And my dumbass didn’t think to maybe not like the pictures for later and she sent me this text the next morning.” He paused to slide his phone into the middle of the table with the message thread lighting up the screen, “And now I don’t know what the hell to do.”

Yoongi pressed his lips together as he shook his head, fingers adjusting the olive green beanie that he had on. “You’re a dumbass.”

Taehyung gave him a shocked expression, the wrinkles in his forehead only deepening when he saw the rest of the guys nodding along in agreement. “What the fuck?”

“What?” Yoongi spoke in a monotone, his eyes playfully narrowing at his friend, taunting him to try to defend himself. 

“How am I a dumbass?”

Jungkook rubbed his hands together momentarily, looking around at the others to see if they were gonna speak up or if he was gonna have to be the one to do it. “Look dude,” he started off when he realized no one was gonna put Tae out of his misery. “You have this girl throwing herself at you, straight up telling you she wants to fuck you, and instead of acting on it you chose to jack off to the thought of her?”

Now that someone had said it outloud Taehyung did feel a bit stupid. 

This was so out of character for him, he was the kind of guy who hit on girls at frat parties and didn’t bother getting more information besides their name before he was taking them upstairs, and now that you were giving him that treatment, he didn’t know what to do.

“Not only are you stupid for not sleeping with her, but who the hell lurks and gets caught? What a rookie mistake!” Hoseok hollers out, causing Jimin and Namjoon to laugh along with him, and Taehyung could only feel his face redden in embarrassment.

Jin had Tae’s phone in his hand, scrolling through the extremely underwhelming messages you two had sent each other when suddenly, it dinged and a new image popped up at the bottom. “Oh wow!”

That caught everyone's attention, all of them leaning over to try to get a glimpse at whatever Jin had seen but he had already locked the phone, the screen turning black and blocking the guys from seeing the teasing picture you had sent Taehyung out of boredom.

“Aw c’mon, what was it?” Jimin whined, staring at the still locked phone that was now in Taehyung’s hands, hands itching to grab the device. 

Taehyung sighed. Did he even want to know?

One glance from Jin told him he sure as hell should, so he dimmed the brightness of his phone before he unlocked it to open up your message. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes made out the image, almost causing him to choke on his spit and make a bigger fool out of himself in front of his friends.

There, sitting all nice and pretty in your thread of messages, was a photo of your thighs spread open, your fingers lifting up the tiny skirt you had on today to reveal a small sliver of the black lace panties you had on. Very suggestive, clearly intent to tease him. 

‘Just for you’, was the only message you had written underneath, no indication that you would send anything else. Taehyung could only stare at the photo in awe, eyes trailing down the smooth skin of your thighs, desperately wanting to zoom in, but he knew his friends would only clown him further. It was pretty timid in nature but still just as sexy.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned out, locking his phone and letting his head fall onto the wooden table like deadweight. No one had any reaction to the rattle of the table, simply stabilizing their drinks as they observed their friend having what appears to be a mental breakdown. 

“What did she send him?” Yoongi whispered to Jin.

“Something mildly NSFW.”

At that, Yoongi reached over and jostled his whole body with force. “Get the fuck up you imbecile. Respond to her!”

“What am I supposed to say?” Tae slurred, cheek smushed against the table and muffling his words.

“Fucking anything is better than the silent treatment dude. Like she just took time out of her day to send you something. You gotta at least tell her she looks hot, or that you like the picture.” Jungkook rolled his eyes like it was the most obvious response, and honestly it was, this was sexting 101. 

“You’re right, I guess.” Taehyung lifted himself back up and unlocked his phone once more, staring at the screen with a distraught expression. “The fuck do I say though?”

Hoseok hummed in thought, tapping his chin as he stared at the lid of his cup. “Depends, what kinda photo was it? Full nude or like a tease?”

“A tease.”

“Oh! Tell her something like, she’s gonna be the death of you, or something along those lines. I’m sure she hears she’s hot all the time, so that's too basic.” Jimin speaks up proudly, his smile widening when Taehyung nods and begins typing out a response with slightly shaky fingers and hits send.

The little sound of the message being sent causes the whole group to let out a sigh of relief, slumping back into their seats and taking sips of their drinks.

“Who knew we’d have to resort to coaching Kim Taehyung on how to sext.” Namjoon snorts, earning a couple of laughs in return, and Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh too because honestly how ridiculous. 

The conversation flows easily once Jungkook starts talking, everyone momentarily forgetting about Taehyung’s situation, which he was grateful for. The current topic at hand was the party that Jungkook and Hoseok were having in a few days at their new apartment, but his attention was taken away from that when he shockingly received another text from you.

Y/N 7:36pm :Now we can’t have you dying on me.

Y/N 7:36pm : In the mood for some drinks? A couple of friends and I are going out tonight.

Y/N 7:37pm : You should come.

He stared at his phone in thought. Fuck, he wanted to go so bad, but because he had spent all day yesterday jerking off to the thought of you he had procrastinated an assignment that was due tonight. Not chill Taehyung was going to be his downfall. 

Taehyung 7:40pm : I wish I could, I have a deadline at 11

Taehyung 7:40pm : Next time?

On the other side of the screen, you were laying in bed in the same outfit you had on earlier, fingers playing with the hem of your skirt as you read his response, a small smile on your face.

In all honesty you weren’t even expecting him to respond to your photo anyways, so this caught you off guard.

Y/N 7:42pm : I’m holding you to that bus boy.

So as you went out with your friends, throwing back shots and dancing your life away to the song playing at the club you guys loved, Taehyung sat at home typing out a bullshit paper as his phone watched your instagram story from time to time.

By the time he was calling it a night after he turned in his assignment you were still posting videos of your friends dancing and pouring drinks into your mouth straight from the bottle. You clearly knew how to have a good time and he couldn’t help but feel a tiny twinge of regret at not going out when you had invited him to.

That same regret seeps into the following morning, rewatching your stories and imagining how much fun he would have had if he decided to forget his assignments and go out with you. It’s safe to say that he was honestly not expecting you to hop on at your usual stop, mainly because he knew from your posts that you didn’t call it a night until 4am and it was currently 7:20am. So, when he saw you step on the bus, he was slightly shocked.

The regular attire he was used to was missing, normally styled hair now up in a messy bun, a thick pair of shades on, and an oversized flannel barely hanging over your shoulder. It was very obvious that you had just rolled out of bed. 

His reaction time was a little slow, but when he saw you continue down the aisle and getting closer to him, he tensed up and held his breath, not releasing it even as you took it upon yourself to sit down right next to him. The two of you being the only passengers at the back of the bus.

“Hi,” you spoke out, turning to look at him as he tried his best to just face forward. A sweet smile passed between you when he finally turned towards you and gave you a small hello in greeting.

That satisfies you, so you wiggle in your seat to get comfy, your hands pulling out a book from your bag and starting to read it to pass the time. Taehyung visibly relaxes at that, happy that your attention was on the book instead of him because he wasn’t sure if he could make it through a conversation this early without embarrassing himself.

You take note of his relaxed frame, his head resting against the window and one earbud in his ear playing some song you couldn’t quite make out. That was when you decided to make your move, your eyes still trained on your book as you let your right hand trail up onto his thigh, letting it rest there for a moment to gauge his reaction.

His thigh tenses instantly at the sensation. “You can tell me to stop and I will,” you whisper, your hand already retreating. You knew he was attracted to you but you weren’t gonna do something to him if he was uncomfortable.

Taehyung sits there for a moment, having an internal debate, because fuck does he want you to touch him, but he’s also on public transportation and he’s not sure what the fine is for public indecency. The inner debate is splayed on his features, but in the end the pros outweigh the cons, so he reaches out and grabs your hand, placing it higher up on his thigh.

“No, keep going.”

It was genuine curiosity to see how far you would actually go, and when you told him to put his backpack over his thighs he knew you were being serious. He listened to your instructions and waited with baited breath as he felt your fingertips trail around his crotch, ghost touches sending a small shiver down his spine.

His dick was already twitching in his pants and you had barely even touched him. Your fingers tugged on the string of his black track suits and slipped behind the waistband of them, trailing down his skin and feeling his stomach twitch at the contact. You settled with palming him over his boxers, hearing Taehyung let out a small grunt at the feeling, his dick slowly hardening under your touch.

He was very responsive to your touch, thighs tensing up as he tried to fight back the urge to buck his hips for more friction and it fueled your excitement. 

Considering this was a risky move, you decided to stop torturing him with teasing touches and finally slid your hand past the material of his boxers, wasting no time in wrapping your hand around his thick cock.

Taehyung could feel the blood pumping in his ears as he dropped his head forward with a choked gasp, resting his forehead on the seat in front of him because he knew he wouldn’t be able to disguise his facial expressions if anyone were to look back.

Every jerk of your hand made his breath hitch. Your hands felt like magic, pulling up to twist around the swollen head and gathering his precum before coming back down. God, he wanted to rip his pants down so he wouldn’t feel so confined.

In the perfect display of nonchalance, you still had the book in your left hand, eyes cast down on the page as if your right hand wasn’t focused on his sensitive tip with determination to make him break down. On occasion, you would glance over and smile to yourself at his facial expression, seeing how his eyes were screwed shut as his forehead rested on the seat, alternating between chewing on his bottom lip or just licking his lips and leaving his mouth open as he tried to suppress the moans he wanted to let out. 

“Fuck.” The first crack to his exterior had him finally mumbling out as you picked up the pace, his eyes opening up and looking over at you for a moment, needing to solidify that he wasn’t imagining this. There would be nothing worse than coming face to face with his bed sheets as he awoke from a dream instead of you actually getting him off. 

But there you were, looking so at peace, staring at him with an innocent smile like you weren’t about to make him cum in his pants embarrassingly quick. “You close?”

He let out a small whine as he nodded, finally losing the final bit of self control and bucking his hips to meet your hand, hearing the small thump of your palm against his skin. “Cum for me. I wanna feel you make a mess.”

With eyes sparkling with mischief, you tightened your grip on him as you sped up, your bottom lip being chewed on by your teeth while you watched him come undone. His eyebrows were furrowed, a small frown on his face as he opened his mouth in a silent moan, something you desperately wished you could hear. Harsh pants of breath fanned across the back of the seat as he groaned, fingers gripping the material of his backpack to stop himself from digging his nails into his palm as he neared his release. With a few more pumps, his whole body tensed up as he finally came, stomach twitching while you milked his orgasm.

Taehyung vision blanks for a moment while aftershocks filled his body, dots of light flickering across his eyes until it all came back, and as he realized you were staring at him in awe he could have sworn he was gonna cum again. Your hand was still slowly pumping him, feeling his dick twitch at the overstimulation but he couldn’t get himself to tell you to stop, enjoying the small ache of sensitivity too much. 

It wasn’t until he started to softly grunt at the pleasure that turned painful that you pulled your hand out of his pants, content smile spread across your lips. Taehyung sat there limp, his body feeling like absolute jello, thighs still shaking from his climax. He can already imagine how unsteady his legs will be once it's time to get off the bus. 

You stared at your hand, eyeing the small milky beads of cum on your fingers and you didn’t think twice before popping them in your mouth and sucking on them as you stared right at him. “That was fun. Thanks bus boy.”

He watched in a daze as you stuffed the book back into your bag and got up from your seat, giving him a wide smile while you walked up to the front of the bus. It was only then that he realized both of you had arrived at your college, the boring commute speeding by thanks to your antics. With a spared glance at the displeased bus driver, Taehyung shot up from his seat, cringing at his still sensitive dick and the uncomfortable sticky feeling in his pants.

You were absolutely going to be the death of him

Taehyung was weak, bottom-of-the-food-chain, top tier simp material for you. All it took was one handjob for him to be stuck on you, constantly waiting for any form of interaction you would give him. It was pure infatuation—and a little pathetic—but he wasn’t sure how he felt about you. It was like his brain was torn between trying to get to know you in a more personal way, or just going with the flow and fucking you like you had originally offered. It just made him feel more confused, and a little naive, because it was so clear that you had no romantic feelings for him.

This experience had filled Taehyung with a small sense of guilt, he now knew how the girls he treated this way felt. The constant stringing along and nonchalant carefree aura he would have when he would hook up with girls who clearly wanted more, it was fucking frustrating being on the receiving end and even more frustrating because he knew if he really wanted it to stop all he had to do was ask.

But Taehyung couldn’t get himself to ask you to stop. You had a grasp on him, and you did it so easily, which is why when he didn’t see you on the bus the following day he felt his heart drop a little. 

Sure, he hadn’t noticed you prior but considering it had been a few weeks of constant contact in one form or another, he just found it a little odd now. His hand was twitching with the urge to send you a text and ask if you were feeling okay but he stopped himself in fear of sounding like a clingy mess. 

“Any progress on the mystery babe?” Jungkook asked as they waited in line at the fast food joint near school. 

Taehyung smirked a little at that, memories of yesterday's random handjob coming back to mind. “Sort of.”

Jungkook scoffed, “Sort of? Dude c’mon, just shoot her a text and tell her you wanna hang out, or be blunt and ask her to fuck.”

In retrospect that would be the typical route Taehyung would take, but there was something about you being so in control of this dynamic that had him so unsure of himself. “Look man, she’s different.”

“Oh no—“ And immediately Taehyung knew how that had come out. “Do not say you like her. You barely know her.”

He raised his hands in front of him, “No! Not like that Kook! I just mean that I don’t know how to act.” He let out a sigh, feeling annoyed with himself with this entire situation. “I hope I don’t sound like a total douchebag saying this, but I’m used to girls who let me take charge in situations you know?”

Jungkook nodded, staring at his friend as he spoke, “Girls that basically follow me around and let me decide if I wanna keep them around—and I hate how I sound speaking like that—but it’s the only way I can explain it.” He let out another defeated sigh, definitely something that had become a common form of expression for him. “She doesn’t do that shit, and I don’t know how to act like myself because of it.”

The younger man nodded again, knowing exactly what he meant. “I knew a girl like that, honestly the best two months of my life. Look dude, if she's making it clear that she doesn’t want anything serious then what's the dilemma? She’s confident in herself and you shouldn’t feel intimidated by that.”

Taehyung hummed at that, he was right as Jungkook continued, “And who knows, maybe she’ll help you realize that chains and whips excite you.”

And there was typical Jeon Jungkook. “I fucking hate you.”

Jungkook let out a cackle before turning his attention to the poor cashier who unfortunately had to hear the end of his statement. As he ordered for himself and Taehyung, the latter felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He was half expecting it to be a message from Hoseok asking him some dumb question, so when he saw your name on his screen he thought he was hallucinating. 

Y/N 12:17pm : Hope you didn’t miss me too much today

Y/N 12:17pm : Come to this

Y/N 12:17pm : You promised me next time bus boy

Attached to the messages was a photo of a party flyer he was very familiar with. It was the silly flyer Jungkook had spent around 5 minutes making to promote their party tomorrow night, and the fact that you had come across it either meant it really got around or you had a mutual friend. 

He looked up momentarily as Jungkook tapped him, motioning for him to follow to an empty table as they waited for the food. Taehyung blindly walked behind him, eyes downcast on his screen as he typed a response. 

Taehyung 12:19pm : I’ll be there

Your response was instant and it caught him off guard because you usually lagged on messages. 

Y/N 12:19pm : I’ll be waiting

But it seemed like Taehyung would be the one waiting. He was standing at the corner of the living room with a drink in his hand and his phone in the other, waiting for you to text him as his eyes scanned the current room. 

Jungkook stood beside him, animatedly talking to a cute girl who had grabbed his interest, too busy to notice his friend eyeing the room like a hawk. Taehyung wanted to wander off and find someone for himself, but the idea that you would eventually be here kept him glued to one spot. 

It was nearing midnight and people were already making messes of themselves, passed out on the couch and some even on the front lawn. Jungkook and Hoseok’s new place was more spacious than their last, but it was definitely overcrowding so people were coming in and out frequently from the front to the backyard to get some fresh air.

“I'm gonna go get another drink.” He told Jungkook, who waved him off and continued his conversation while Taehyung made his way to the kitchen. 

He used the same cup he had in his hand and filled it up with vodka and cranberry juice, his favorite drink of choice right next to drinking it straight. Then suddenly, it was like a magnet forced him to look up and over his shoulder, and that's when he spotted you and your group of friends. 

You all walked in with big smiles on your faces, one of your friends walking over to Hoseok and giving him a hug, and that's who he assumed the mutual friend was. Your hair was flipped over your shoulder as you played with it with your hands, small crop top showing just enough cleavage and your stomach, and Taehyung could just feel himself staring. 

That's when your eyes met his, and they glinted with something he couldn’t pinpoint. Your target had been acquired, and as he saw you making your way over to him he choked a bit on his drink. 

“Bus boy.” Was all you told him, a smile on your face as you easily slipped beside him against the counter, elbows resting casually on the cool surface as you leaned back.

“Hey...bus girl.” he awkwardly responded, feeling like an idiot immediately after. You only giggled, your fingers wrapping around his own on the cup as you brought it from its place against Tae’s mouth over to your own for a sip. 

“Mm, vodka cranberry?” You licked your lips, and his eyes were glued on them. “How’d you know that's my drink of choice?”

“Lucky guess?” He slowly responded back, gently taking the cup back from your grasp when you handed it over, his eyes glancing at the sticky residue your gloss left on the rim of the cup.

You were analyzing him, watching him standing there with an aura of unsureness around him. You see, you knew of Taehyung, had a couple of friends who had hooked up with him, and this is not what they described him as. They always told you he was assertive, the first to make a move and once he had he was aggressive in bed in the best way. That’s why he had caught your attention, you wanted to see how hard it would be to crack him, break him down until he was begging and pleading since he was so used to taking charge. The possibility of having him on his knees, holding on to your every word, made this sick sense of pleasure creep up your spine.

Taehyung was handsome, that wasn’t up for debate, but you could see him biting his lips almost like he had a million things he wanted to say to you but was afraid they wouldn’t come out right. Cracking him might be easier than you thought.

“Did I miss all the fun?” The question hung in the air for a moment as flashes from the night played through his head. Jungkook kicking out some dude for trying to piss in the kitchen sink, Hoseok doing a line of who knows what off some girls boobs and her boyfriend trying to fight him, among a plethora of incidents in the span of a few hours. 

“No, definitely not. The night is still young.”

You only stared at him, waiting for his eyes to finally look at yours instead of pretending like he didn't notice you. And finally, they did, narrowing a bit in suspicion as he wondered what you were thinking in your head. 

“So,” you began, confidently grabbing his drink again. “Have you taken my offer into consideration?”

He was so focused seeing your tongue lick your lips to catch the remaining moisture of the drink that he almost didn't hear your question. “I’m sorry, what offer?”

A small laugh left your lips at his question. “You really forgot already?” You only gave him a moment of silence before you continued, “The offer that involves you fucking me, or are you turning it down?”

Taehyung froze, taking in your facial expression before answering. Your mouth held the same sinfully evil smirk it always had, head tilted slightly as you handed his drink back to him and shot him a wink before you sauntered off towards your friends who had watched the entire exchange go down.

They instantly tugged your wrist and yanked you towards the sliding doors that lead to the backyard where a game of beer pong was going down. Chungha was all giggles, not being able to believe the new person of interest in your eyes was Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung on the other hand just let his eyes follow your body until the sliding door was shut once more. He had taken too long to respond to your question, his mind had been shouting at him to just blurt out that yes, he had taken your offer into consideration and he one hundred percent wanted to fuck you. Too bad his mouth decided to sew itself shut. 

He took another swig of his drink, swallowing harshly with a bit of determination set on his mind. By the end of the night he had to make a move on you, that much was for sure. He was tired of you always having the upper hand with every interaction you had. This party was his element for fucks sake, he was a seasoned pro when it came to sleeping with random girls at house parties. The only difference this time was that none of them had come on to him as boldly as you had, but that wasn’t a problem at all.

Jungkook slapped a palm on his shoulder, making his drink slosh in the cup and catching him by surprise. When Tae looked away from the sliding door and over to his left, he could see Jungkook was also looking in the same direction with a knowing smile on his face. “Oh man, she’s trouble.”

Tae’s eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “Wait, who?”

“Y/N, man. Who else?” He released his grip on the older one's shoulder, taking a sip of the beer in his other hand while he nodded his head in thought.

Taehyung was clearly out of the loop here, “How do you know her?” He mentally sorted through the girls he had seen Jungkook with in the past, even trying hard to remember any girls he had mentioned in passing and you had never come up.

Jungkook took another drink of his beer, wondering how to go about this carefully. He could be honest with Tae and tell him he had met you last semester at a club that was popular with the students at the university. How you had been the absolute best sex of his life for two steady months, and then suddenly dropped him without a care in the world—which would have absolutely crushed Jungkook if he let himself get attached but he hadn’t, he swore he hadn’t. He was kinda shocked and very amused that you had chosen his best friend as your new target, even if it was purely coincidental.

In the end, he decided being honest wasn’t necessary. “It’s not important, just know she’s pure trouble in the best way. Is she the bus girl you always talk about?”

That answer didn’t satisfy Tae but he was too busy thinking about how to make a move on you to dive deeper. “Yeah, she is.”

Jungkook nodded, hearing Jimin calling him from somewhere in the house with a very slurred voice. “Well, I hope you’re planning on making a move on her tonight or I’ll let all the guys know what a pussy you are.” He jostled Tae’s shoulders once more with a hearty laugh before running off towards Jimin who was surely drunk as fuck.

Outside of the house stood you and your friends, surrounding the beer pong game going on between Yoongi and Seulgi. Your eyes were peering behind you, staring through the glass doors as you watched Jungkook speaking to Taehyung for a brief moment. You smiled to yourself, knowing the small mess you might be causing between friends but not caring enough to stop it.

“This winning shot is for you gorgeous!” Yoongi shouted out, blowing a sloppy kiss out towards Sunmi before tossing the ping pong ball haphazardly towards the last remaining cup and somehow making it in. 

“That winning shot made me lose!” Sunmi erupted in laughter while everyone cheered at the end of the game. Seulgi rolled her eyes with a playful smile before chugging the last cup and walking back to your group.

“I don’t know how that fucker beat me considering his blood alcohol content should have his ass in a coma.” 

You laughed, throwing your arm over her shoulder and tugging her closer to you. “It’s because Sunmi told him that she’d give him her number if he got the winning cup. I guess desperation makes boys a little more sober.”

“Pigs.” She grumbled with a laugh, watching as Sunmi and Yoongi exchanged information, both of them looking like flustered children with blushing cheeks. “Anyways, are you gonna torture that poor boy inside all night?”

“Hm,” you hummed to yourself. “Is it really torture if I gave him a way in?”

“Oh please Y/N, has any boy ever taken to your advances that quickly? You’re intimidating as fuck, in the sexiest way possible. He’s probably not used to girls telling him shit like that so he doesn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, but Yuna told me he was blunt as fuck with her when they slept together.” Your eyes peered back inside, no longer being able to see Taehyung.

“Yuna? Kang Yuna?” You nodded, looking up at Seulgi and seeing a look of disbelief on her face, “Dude, she’s the most timid, shy, submissive girl I’ve ever met. Guys eat that shit up. That’s what guys like Taehyung are used to. You spicing it up has him second guessing everything, so I say you keep it up. Be two steps ahead of him.”

You knew she was right, even though this was an exciting game of cat and mouse for you, you'd be lying if you said you weren’t slightly interested in him for more than just a one night stand. 

“You gonna play?” Chunga popped in beside you, a grin on her face as she held a white ping pong ball in her hands. You smiled back and gave her a nod, letting her tug you towards the table being set up.

Yoongi stood wobbling on the other side, claiming to want to hold on to his winning title but the boy was clearly close to passing out from the amount of alcohol in his system. That was when another boy stood beside him, his frame towering over Yoongi’s and a charming smile on his plump lips as he tried to coax Yoongi into going inside to drink some water.

Chungha hummed in approval as she took his appearance in. “Wow he’s...”

“Yummy?”

She snorted out, “Oh yeah, definitely yummy.”

Yoongi was bickering with said yummy boy until Sunmi approached him again and put on her best flirtatious look to get him to follow her inside the house. He was done for after that, handing his friend the ball in his hand with a lazy wave, his half lidded eyes trailing down Sunmi’s body as she dragged him behind her. He probably thought he would be getting laid tonight but Sunmi was in mom mode, so unless he was ready to down a gallon of water and sober up, the only thing he would be doing is going straight to sleep.

“Hey, yummy guy, are you playing or not?”

He looked startled by the nickname, his hand coming up to point at his chest in confusion. When you and Chungha gave him a look that said yeah you his mouth opened up slightly before he was smiling again. “Yummy? Wow, can’t say I’m opposed to being called that.” He started to laugh at that and Chungha sighed at the sound, yup she was a sucker. 

“I don’t have a partner to play against you two.”

You stepped back from the table with a shrug. “Don’t mind me, he’s all yours Chungha.”

They instantly started chatting with each other, playful threats and possible bets being made for whoever lost this game, but you weren’t planning on staying to watch this go down. The friends you had left on the sidelines watched you saunter away and they knew exactly where you were headed.

You wandered inside the crowded home and let your eyes scan the room, the kitchen was immediately to the left of you, a group of boys huddled around the alcohol as they made drinks, but no sign of Taehyung. Grabbing the lone vodka bottle from the counter, you took a quick swig before you resumed your hunt, ignoring the nasty burn to your throat. 

A few more steps inside towards the living room didn’t reveal him either, too many bodies moving together to some random beat playing through the speakers placed around. There was a hallway to the left and another to the right, you chose to go towards the right side, side stepping random cups left on the floor. 

A few voices were at the end of the hall, coming out of the only open door so you continued near them, desperate to see a familiar face until you came to a stop in front of the bathroom. You rested your shoulder against the door frame, seeing Jungkook leaning over his friend’s hunched form as he clung to the toilet bowl. Although this was a familiar face, he was not the one you were searching for. 

As if sensing your presence, he looked up and over at you, a gentle smile gracing his face when he saw it was you. “You got the invite I see.”

You smiled back at him. “I did. So did the rest of my friends, you know, from Hoseok.” The drunken friend on the floor dry heaved for a moment, making Jungkook look back down at them and pat their back. 

“He’s probably on the front lawn smoking by the way.” He spoke again, not needing you to explain who you were looking for, and you were grateful because you weren’t in the mood to play dumb. 

You pushed off the door frame and stepped back, hearing him shout out a sarcastic ‘I know you miss me’ as you walked away. “Save it Jeon!” You playfully shouted back. You knew he missed you, he had told you plenty of times ever since you decided to stop sleeping with him. 

Of course Jeon Jungkook had been a good fuck, having been one of your favorite switches. Very true to his reputation, he could fuck you all night long with no issues, bringing you to orgasm enough times until you were crying for him to stop, while also letting you tie him up until he was the one begging—but he’d gotten attached. 

He could deny it all he wanted, but you sensed the change instantly. It creeped up in moments where he’d ask you to spend the night instead of leaving after hooking up, seeping into him asking you to hang out in day to day life instead of just 3am booty calls. And that just wasn’t something you were interested in having at the time. It wasn’t a jab at Jungkook, he was a nice guy if you were being honest, but that was old news. 

So as the music blasted in the house, sounding muffled to your ears, you walked with a purpose, weaving in between people as you crossed the living room and reached the front door. 

The fresh air met you the second you pushed the door open, loud bass spilling out of the house and into the front lawn, dimly lit up by the porch light. It allowed you to instantly spot Taehyung, a barely lit blunt between his fingers as he spoke to a taller boy beside him. At the sound of the door opening they both looked over in your direction, the taller one offering you a smile while Taehyung took a drag and gave you a nervous wave. 

You weren’t going to bother talking to him out here, he turned into a deer caught in headlights whenever you did so you just walked over to him, plucked the blunt from between his fingers and handed it to his friend before wrapping your hand around his wrist and dragging him behind you. The two of you needed to be alone, not around drunk party goers, or both of your nosey friends. 

Taehyung didn’t resist at all, looking over at Namjoon and seeing his friend had a shit eating grin on his face as he got dragged inside. You clearly had a mission, shoving your way through the sea of bodies again as you trekked to the opposite hallway this time, going for the only room on this side of the house. 

The bedroom door got thrown open and thankfully no one was inside of it. Taehyung slammed the door shut behind him and locked it as you turned to face him, inches separating you and you let out a soft breath at the close proximity. “Do you want this?”

His mind fogged over briefly as he watched your fingers playing with the hem of your shirt, slowly inching it up to reveal more skin. “Yes, I do.” 

Those were the words to set it all in motion, hands yanking your shift off your body and tossing it aside, leaving you standing in your bra for him to ogle at. 

“Better than the photos huh?” you tease with a honey-sweet voice, reminding him of his deep dive onto your blog while your hands slid behind your back to unhook your bra and let it completely slide off. 

Taehyung couldn’t help but stare as your hands came up to give your boobs a squeeze. “Fuck.”

He stepped forward, wanting to finally touch you but you tsk in disapproval, shaking your finger at him and it just made him pout. Isn’t that what you wanted from him?

His breath hitched in his throat when you stepped even closer, tips of your fingers trailing from his shoulders to his chest, down to the hem, bunching the fabric in your grasp as you tugged it up and off of him. His arms raised up with no protest as you undressed him, wide eyes just watching your every move, ready to do whatever you asked of him. It was so out of character for him, but that much could be said about every interaction he’s had with you so he goes with the flow of it all. 

Goosebumps rose up on his tan skin as you trailed your hands down to play with the button on his jeans, fiddling with it to tease him. You wanted to cover his chest and stomach in hickeys, marking every inch of him up, bruising and teasing him until he was pleading for you to suck his cock. There was just something about him that made you want to see him flushed and desperate. 

He could see you lost in thought as you stared at his body, now hyper aware of the fact that he wasn’t absolutely ripped, but you liked that. His arms came up again in an attempt to pull you in to kiss you, but you stopped him once more, finally snapping out of your daze.

“Do you deserve to touch me?” His mind blanked at your tone, the slight edge he had heard the first time you spoke was back, and something about it made his body tingle. “Hm?” you hummed when he remained quiet.

That glint in your eye returned and his head shook without him realizing, no he didn’t deserve to touch you.

“Take it all off and lay on the bed,” you spoke sternly, the smirk on your face growing when he did as you said. His body hunched over and stumbled as he stripped out of his pants and boxers, his shoes and socks long gone beside them. Taehyung followed instructions and laid on the bed, feeling a little guilty that poor Hoseok’s bed would be defiled like this, but when you slid off your own pants and underwear he couldn’t find himself to care anymore. 

His cock was already hard and twitching as it laid against his stomach, and he could feel the small pool of precum gathering under his belly button, leaving a sticky mess on his skin. You hadn’t even touched him and he was this riled up already, terrified he would cum the second you decided to touch him, so his hand came to grasp the base of his cock and gave it a firm squeeze.

That action wasn’t lost on you as you slowly approached him, your knees resting on the mattress while you shuffled towards his body. Your fingertips trailed up his thighs softly, going around his cock and up his chest where your nails lightly grazed his nipple. His body shuddered at the touch, and the way your teeth sunk into your bottom lip at the reaction made him nervous.

You swung your leg over his waist, hovering above his skin but not making contact just yet. Taehyung had never been patient, his eagerness getting the best of him, and just as his hands rose up—about to touch your hips and force you to plop down on his cock—your own hands reacted, grasping his before he could touch you and bringing them above his head, successfully catching him off guard. 

“You said you don’t deserve to touch me.”

His eyes widened in realization, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of a way to take back the words that he said earlier. Fuck, he wanted to touch you, he could see your pussy hovering inches over his cock, and he bet he could slide right into you from how wet you looked, already picturing the feeling of your warmth as he sunk into you. 

Your hands grasped both of his wrists, leaving his arms pinned above his head as your other hand reached down, and he held his breath. There was a brief moment where he thought you’d show him mercy, hoping you were going to grab his dick from between your bodies, but when he saw your index and middle fingers part your lower lips he let a groan escape him. You trailed them up your slit and back down to circle around your entrance with a quiet hum, bringing your fingers back up in front of Taehyung’s eyes, watching him stare at them in awe as you separated them and your slick strung across from them.

“It’s a shame.” Your eyes trailed up to his hands again, seeing them clenched together in your grasp. “I’d love to have your hands inside me, but maybe next time.”

“No,” he croaked out, hips desperately lifting up in hopes of grinding into your pussy but he fell short. “Please, let me touch you.”

The begging satisfied the sick itch you were hoping to scratch, leaving you grinning above him. You had just started, yet his eyebrows were already furrowed, eyes locked in a trance on your fingers that were still in front of his face. 

“Not today, baby. Do you want a taste though?” He was nodding the second the proposal left your mouth. Taehyung licked his lips in desperation, mouth opening up as you brought them towards his lips, his neck craning forward and wrapping his lips around your fingers to taste the remnants of your arousal. His tongue flicked between your fingers as he sucked like his life depended on it, the urgency displayed had more wetness gushing out of you, and when Taehyung’s eyes darted towards his abdomen, he saw that some of it had dripped onto the skin below where you hovered.

You pulled your fingers out of his mouth and brought them back between your legs to tease yourself further. “Fuck, this could’ve been you doing this to me Taehyung.” You gasped out as your fingers flicked over your clit repeatedly and he whimpered, head falling back to rest on the pillows because he couldn’t take watching you get yourself off above him while his dick lay hard and leaking right below you.

You snickered to yourself, finally deciding to take some pity on the man, reaching below you to grasp his cock. His neck tensed up at the action, head whipping back up to make sure he wasn’t imaging anything. But there you were, small hands barely wrapping around his thick cock as you gave it a gentle tug. Your fingers were covered in your slick, making the glide feel delicious, spreading your arousal around his length and mixing with his own in a sinful combination. 

Taehyung’s chest heaved slightly as you picked up your pace, your fingers coming up to play with his pink tip before going back down quickly, hands set to tease him. He was trying to stop himself from moaning, you already had his arms restrained, he didn't want to give you this much power over him, but when your hands came down to fondle his balls he couldn’t hold back the needy whine that left him. The desperation behind him just made your pussy clench, and you really wish he could fuck you, but you weren’t going to let him get his way this easily, not when he hadn’t worked for it.

“Keep your hands there.” You spoke firmly as you released your grasp on them, smirking at his obedience when his fingers chose to wrap around the poles of the headboard behind him instead. He wasn’t sure what you were going to do, but he was hoping your next move would be sinking onto his cock. 

“Wait,” he spoke up as you placed both your hands on his chest. “I don’t have a condom,” he admitted, face scrunching up when he saw you freeze in your action of dropping down on top of him.

“Oh,” you cooed, left hand coming up to cup his cheek tenderly. “Don’t worry about that.” His heart was torn because although he loved going without a condom, he didn’t know you enough to trust continuing without one. “You’re not fucking me.”

And now his heart was shredded, thrown into a dumpster, and set on fire. “What?”

Your fingers traced his cheek softly as you smiled at him. “Only good boys get to fuck me and you—“ you patted his skin in a gentle, yet firm, slap. “—haven’t been good.” 

A pout forms on his lips because now he’s desperate, and also confused. Why would you strip out of all your clothes just to tease him like this? Were you going to finish yourself off on top of him and just leave? He wasn’t entirely against that scenario because he’s sure it would be hot as fuck, but his dick was literally throbbing.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice you had shuffled down a bit and rested your dripping pussy right on top of his cock, your lips parting slightly as you rocked your hips forward. And then he was gasping, his hands detaching from the headboard and instinctively wanting to grab your hips, but they stopped an inch or so away, catching his own mistake. His fingers remained trembling in the air, a moan finally leaving his lips at the feeling of you grinding on his cock, the relief of you not leaving him high and dry taking over.

Keeping your palms on his chest, you used them as leverage to help you move, a wicked smile on your face when you saw the internal debate he was having. He could touch you if he really wanted to, he could say fuck your rules and grip your hips so hard they’d bruise, but he didn’t. He listened to you, his shaking hands retreating back to the headboard with a groan of restraint.

“Good boy,” you spoke softly, his cock twitching at the praise. He liked this, the foreign feeling of being pliant underneath you, letting you call all of the shots, it was igniting a warmth inside of him that he never expected. 

Taehyung could feel his stomach becoming a sticky mess from his precum and your wetness dripping down from his cock, but he didn’t care, he loved when it was messy, loved hearing the squelching sound filling the room every time you rocked your hips. The fact that you were this drenched from teasing him just turned him on more, and he really wanted to say fuck it and ask you to sink onto his cock, but you told him to be a good boy so that’s what he would do.

“Feel good?”

“S-so good,” he whined out, breathy and strained, almost as if he didn’t want to admit to it. 

His thighs were tense and aching, forcing himself to not thrust forward in fear that you’d stop what you were doing, small moans leaving his lips when the tip of his cock would brush against your clit. He looked fucked out underneath you, eyes blown open as he locked onto the spot between you two, watching his messy cock peek out between your legs when you’d grind your hips back.

Taehyung had never cum from doing this, it was something he had never tried before; he was used to the quickness of fucking at parties, some fingering being involved before he slid in from behind. But he could feel himself edging closer to his release embarrassingly fast, the sinful moans leaving your mouth only aiding in pushing him over faster.

You had a good rhythm going, his cock trapped between his stomach and your pussy, and even though he was trying his best not to be vocal, you could see he was close to falling apart. His hands were clenching the headboard so hard they were paling, and if that wasn’t enough of an indication his face surely said it all. 

Leaning over his body, you let your face inch closer to his as you sped up your hips. At your proximity Taehyung finally spoke up, “Can I-fuc—” he shuddered, “—can I please kiss you?”

Your eyebrow cocked up at his request, not expecting that to be what he wanted from you. “You want to kiss me?”

Taehyung's dark hair bounced on his head as he nodded frantically. “Yes,” he gasped out, squirming underneath you as you bucked harder on top of him.

He wanted to kiss you, your lips looked so soft and shiny, and he wanted to feel them on top of his. Honestly what he really wanted was to flip you over and fuck you senseless—he had the power to—the weight of you on him was nothing he couldn’t overpower, but something about you being in control of his pleasure was doing things to him.

When your hair grazed his chest from you dropping down, his heart skipped but your lips chose to kiss his neck instead, small traces and licks on his skin as you trailed up towards his jaw until finally you reached his lips. They were tacky from your lip gloss but he didn’t care, they felt as soft as he imagined, and when you snuck your tongue into the mix Taehyung whimpered into your mouth. His eyes fluttered shut at the feeling, pleasure rolling over him in waves that only intensified when you wrapped your lips around his tongue and sucked. 

You could feel his body tensing up from underneath you, his climax creeping up on him, so you rocked faster, sinking your teeth into his plump bottom lip and tugging back. That was the final push before he was cumming, face screwed up the same way it was on the bus and a rough groan that you swallowed with another kiss.

Fuck, he was beautiful.

Another moan spilled out as you continued your movements, feeling his cum splashing up towards his chest from the force, some of it dribbling down his cock and settling onto your pussy. “Wow,” you mused, lips pulling back from his and looking down to see the mess he had made, his breathing continuing to shudder until you came to a stop.

Taehyung kept his grip on the headboard, a lot more limp than before, vision hazy from his orgasm and entire body tingling. You lifted up from him and shuffled further down, licking the trail of cum on his stomach with a grin when you noticed how his sensitive cock twitched at the visual. 

Trying to save face, he turned his head into his upper arm to shield himself, the small burn of embarrassment felt at the fact that he had just blown his load from you grinding on him in record time.

You weren’t finished with him yet though, your body still slowly sliding down him, fingers leaving feather-like touches on his skin that he mistook as you soothing his shuddering body, until they grasped his cock.

“Oh,” he winced, feeling your fingers grazing his sensitive dick, your mouth quickly enveloping it, making his back arch from the sudden sensation. It was no secret that Taehyung had a love for overstimulation, constantly toeing the line between pain and pleasure when he continued to jack off after cumming, but your warm mouth was new.

His sore fingers released the headboard, elbows straightening up because he had to watch this, had to burn this point of view into his mind forever. You were crouched at the bottom of the bed on your knees, ass up in the air as you swallowed his cock, your tongue swirling around it when you felt it start to harden again.

“H-hurts,” he admitted with his hips twitching, not sure if he wanted to thrust into your mouth or back away. Your hands rested on his hips to stop them from moving as his dick slipped out of your mouth with a pop.

“You want me to stop?” One hand was lazily jerking him as you spoke, his dick twitching in your grasp once more. 

No, no he was loving this. The pleasure was sharp but it was spreading a warmth throughout his body. Could he cum again?

He was clearly having a hard time deciding if he wanted you to stop or not, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening as he moaned softly, but Taehyung liked the pain, you could tell.

When your mouth took him in again he gasped lewdly, his elbows giving out and letting him flop back on the bed with a thump, fingers gripping the crumpled sheets beneath him. “No, no,” he whimpered again when you hollowed your cheeks and sucked. “Don’t stop, god.”

He could feel you smirking around his cock, your tongue coming out to flick the tip of his dick, red and swollen and once again dripping. One of your hands wrapped around the part you couldn’t reach, squeezing and tugging in time with your mouth; the other was dipped between your own thighs, fingers sinking into your cunt and thrusting them to match your motions.

Taehyung had his hands gripping onto the bed sheets to stop them from tangling into your hair and forcing you to take all of him, but his head peeked up, and when he saw you playing with yourself he sat back up, hips finally coming up to thrust into your mouth. Whimpers of pain and pleasure filled the room, the muscles in his neck pulled taut as he felt pressure start to bloom in his lower stomach. 

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle having another orgasm, every time he’d hit the back of your throat he felt the wind get knocked out of him, knees acting on reflex and shooting up to try to squirm away from your grasp.

The want to scold him was strong but you were getting closer to cumming, and seeing him losing control only made you moan around his cock. You pulled your fingers out of yourself, and with a few more flicks on your clit you were cumming. Taehyung watched in awe as your hips stuttered, and the moan you let out just urged him to keep thrusting into your mouth. 

His fingers were sore from the grip he had on the sheets and when he saw the drool leaking out of your mouth as you sunk all the way down, he finally felt the band snap, a throaty moan leaving his lips as he bowed his back into the mattress, the pain and pleasure blending together beautifully and bringing him to one of the best orgasms of his life. This load was a lot smaller than the last, but he was completely spent now, body lying limp on the bed as he tried to catch his breath.

Swallowing the cum on your tongue with a smirk, you took him in your mouth once more to tease, pulling back and placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his soft cock. 

“Such a good boy.” You teased as you made your way back up to him with a genuine smile on your face. Your soft lips pressed against his again, mouth opening up and he could taste himself on your tongue but he didn’t mind it. With a little hesitance, his hand came up to finally touch you, fingers tangling into your hair as he deepened the kiss, your teeth clashing together a few times because he couldn’t get enough. 

He watched as you pulled back from him, your tongue tracing your lips while you flipped your hair behind you again. “You know, you’re pretty when you cum.” And he doesn’t know why, but the statement made him blush. No one had ever told him he looked pretty when he came.

“Thank you?”

You giggled, still on top of him. “You’re welcome. I’ll be thinking of it when I touch myself later.” You gave him another quick peck before you got off of him and started putting your clothes back on. Taehyung was in a state of shock as he observed you, he had cum twice and still hadn’t fucked you, and you were very clearly getting a kick out of it. 

A final adjustment was done to your skirt before running your fingers through your hair, looking back at him still limp on his friend's bed, limbs resembling jello. It was cute, but you knew you had to trail him along further so you shot him a wink, opening up the bedroom door and waltzing out like you hadn’t just ruined him.

The haze that surrounded him whenever you were around him faded as you left and Taehyung sprung into action with a yelp, wrapping Hoseok's comforter around his naked body when he saw that you left the door open. Luckily no one was around, but he still rushed up with the sheets to close the door, legs feeling a little wobbly. With the door securely locked, he rested his weight against it, letting Hoseok’s ruined sheets fall from his body into a heap on the floor, his hand coming up to run through his messy hair.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he groaned in disbelief, balling up the sheets and stuffing them into the small hamper by the closet, they barely fit but it didn’t matter. Taehyung felt lost and a little unsatisfied, he knew he wouldn’t be able to feel completely satisfied until he actually fucked you. All he had to do was say it, you were dangling it right in front of him and he was too tongue tied to tell you how he actually felt. It was like all vocabulary and sense of communication was wiped clean whenever you were within a certain radius of him.

He slid back into his clothes, grabbing the tissues Hoseok conveniently had next to his bed, and wiped the small residue that was still on his stomach before he put his shirt back on. When his heart stopped pounding and he thought he was decent, he exited the room. Taehyung was set on finding you and speaking to you like a normal human being, his mind now cleared after those orgasms, so he felt sort of confident that he’d be able to get out a coherent sentence without sounding like an insecure loser.

Jungkook spotted him as he emerged from the hallway, his bunny smile spreading across his face when he saw how disheveled his friend looked, and considering he had seen you exit from that same spot minutes prior he knew what had gone down.

“Hey buddy.” Jungkook cooed obnoxiously, hands coming up to squeeze Taehyung's cheek, his fingers rubbing off the leftover residue of your lipgloss from his skin. He was drunk, breath smelling like vodka and his eyes glazed over, the classic dopey Jungkook smile on his face. Taehyung swatted his hands away from him with a grimace but Jungkook just slid beside him, slinging his arm across his shoulders and dragging him to the kitchen to get even more alcohol.

“So you fucked her right?” Taehyung accepted the drink, taking a sip as his eyes searched the room for you just like they had earlier.

“Sure,” he responded, not wanting to tell his friend that although you were both naked on top of each other and you had forced two orgasms out of him, he had not in fact been able to slide his dick inside of you.

Jungkook was too drunk to comprehend that sure didn’t exactly mean yes so he whooped, throwing his arms in the air with a laugh, and Taehyung couldn’t help but smile at his younger friend. 

“Have you seen her by the way?”

Jungkook thought back to when he spotted you leaving Hoseok’s room, you had a look of satisfaction on your face as you walked through the house and headed for the backyard. You emerged back out with one of your friends beside you and you both laughed as you made a swift exit out of Jungkook’s house entirely. It was pretty obvious you wouldn’t be coming back.

“She definitely left.”

Taehyung could feel his heart sink at that. He should’ve spoken to you when you were both alone in the room instead of lying there in his post orgasmic glow. Too late. 

He slid his phone out and decided he had to text you. The black line flickered on his phone, taunting him, waiting for him to type anything out, but he was stuck. What was he supposed to say? Thanks for the orgasms with a stupid emoji tacked at the end?

Taehyung 1:48am : You left so fast, get home safe

That’s what he settled on, and his eyes stayed glued on the phone when he saw the notification that you read it, three dots popping up as you typed a response back.

Y/N 1:52am : Sorry friend needed to get home and I was her ride.

Y/N 1:52am : Think about me tonight yeah? Goodnight busboy.

Taehyung thought about you alright. He thought about you often, frequently replaying the events that had happened that night as his fist wrapped around his cock on those nights where he was beyond desperate to cum.

The both of you hadn’t spoken much since the night of Hoseok and Jungkook’s party, due to the fact that finals were approaching and as much as you enjoyed this game you had with him, you also knew you needed to pass the classes you had. Taehyung doesn’t fault you for that, he was on the same boat, and if you had continued to tease him on the bus or through text message while he was already on the verge of a mental breakdown, he wasn’t sure he could survive it.

So it came as no surprise that when the semester came and went, the communication was once again severed, no longer having the morning commute to share together as winter break started.

Taehyung still thought of you often, every time you uploaded something onto your social media he stared at it for a minute too long, fingers urging to send you a message and start a conversation; but considering everything that had transpired between you two had been purely sexual he wasn’t sure a ‘haha funny meme’ message was going to get him very far.

When the second week of break rolled around and Taehyung started to go out with his friends, you began to slip his mind, the small acceptance of whatever you two had going fizzling away from his thoughts. He wondered if you forgot about him already, maybe you were home visiting family and had your sights set on another person.

With that thought engraved in his mind he allowed himself to go out with Jimin and Namjoon on a Saturday night, the three of them being the few of his friends that lived in the city and weren’t going home to their family for the holidays. They stood by the bar of some club closer to Jimin’s apartment, deeper into the city, a place Jimin swore the hottest girls frequented and when Taehyung scoped the crowd he took notice that Jimin was right.

It only took two shots to loosen him up enough to ease onto the dance floor, and only a few more minutes until a pretty redhead spotted him and made her way over, her hands trailing up onto his shoulder as she moved her hips in time with his. He smirked down at her, her eyes gleaming up at him while her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, she’s definitely his usual type. The way she gripped onto him when he slid his thigh in between her legs, how she easily gave in to the way he kissed his way into her mouth, eager to let him have his way with her. It’s no shock that he found himself tucked away in a corner of the club, letting her hands roam his chest as she latched her lips onto his neck while he dipped his hands under the hem of her skirt to play with her covered slit. It’s messy and he’s the one leading the way, it's familiar for him, but he can’t stop the small craving inside of him for something else, something different.  

She whimpered into his mouth, not at all shy about being out in the open, and he can feel his cock throbbing at the thought of another girl that isn’t you for the first time—and you must have a sixth sense—there's no other explanation for him besides that when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

The nameless redhead whined at the loss of contact when he pulled his hand back to grab his phone, but he shushed her with a kiss, telling her he needed a minute. And that's all the convincing she needed to continue sucking hickeys into his neck.

When his phone lit up and he saw your name on his lock screen he blanked, eyes roaming behind him when he looked back to check if maybe you were here and that's why you were texting him. But when he unlocked the phone and saw the message you sent, it was oh so obvious that you were definitely not at the club.

The revelation of the photo you had sent catches him so off guard, he almost drops his phone, the device slipping through his fingers until he reacts and slammed it against his chest so hard to not let it clatter to the ground. The action winded him, the sharp pain of his phone wacking his chest had him wincing and it got the girl's attention.

Leaning back as her curious eyes peeked up to stare at him, instead she found herself staring at his chest, her face oddly lit up. The realization settled within him now, noticing that he must have flipped the phone over when he caught it and she was now clearly looking at the photo of you naked. The jaw dropping nudes you had sent, showcasing your boobs with your fingers on your nipple, wet with your arousal; and the second photo of your pussy on display had taken his breath away, but all it got him was a glare and a shove to his chest from the red head, muttering out that he was a pig as she pushed her way back to her friends.

He gulped as he flipped the phone around and analyzed the photo, a deep groan leaving him, because god dammit he had just started to come to terms that whatever you had was old news. You were always keeping him on his toes, it was going to fuck with his heart and his health.

Taehyung turned around and squinted through the flashing lights to hopefully find his friends, spotting Namjoon with a drink in one hand, his other clutching onto a blonde as they danced together, and he made his way over to him. 

“I’m gonna head out,” he mumbled into Namjoon’s ear, ignoring the confused glance he gave him. The clear translation being: what the hell.

“We just got here.”

Taehyung knew this but he can’t hang around here with the thrumming bass and dance with other girls when you had just sent him these fucking photos. “Yeah, I don’t feel so hot. Don’t worry, I’m gonna take an uber just let Jimin know.”

Namjoon could only nod, not really wanting to separate himself from the cute girl he had grown fond of, but he would be forcing Taehyung to come out with them again next week. He just watched as his friend slipped through the crowd of the club until he stepped out. 

When the cold air hit him Taehyung gulped it down, hands pressing against his face as he sighed and walked towards the brickwall on the side of the club. He couldn’t do this anymore, and with the alcohol numbing his common sense he didn’t think twice as he pulled his phone back out and opened up your message again, rechecking that you had in fact sent him those photos. And when he saw that you had, obscene photos still filling up his screen, he clicked the phone button and gave you a call.

He swore you weren’t going to answer him as the ring droned out, but when it cut off and all he heard is silence, he held his breath, wide eyes focusing on the cars driving on the street in front of him.

“Hi.” 

Oh fuck.

“Why are you doing this to me?” He spoke out so softly, pleading into the phone as he grabbed a chunk of his hair in between his fingers.

“Would you rather I didn’t?” you hummed, phone pressed against your shoulder and ear as you lazily trailed a finger up and down your stomach.

“No!” he shouted, wincing when he saw other club goers give him an odd look. “No, but why me? We haven’t even spoken lately.”

“We’re speaking right now.”

He remained silent, not knowing how to respond to you, but he keeps the phone pressed against his ear, the soft sound of you breathing being the only noise he hears—until there's a small moan. It makes his blood run cold, eyes slipping shut as he imagined why you had made that noise.

“What are you doing?” He finds himself getting the courage to ask, enjoying the small laugh you let out as you admitted to touching yourself, so nonchalant and carefree about the fact that you were still the leading cause to his blue balls.

Taehyung was slightly tipsy, his mind whirling as he pictured your fingers sinking into your pussy like they had that night, the pretty sounds you had let out as your mouth was stuffed full of his cock and he groans. “Do you really enjoy making me suffer?”

“Oh, are you suffering?” you cooed into the receiver. “You know all you have to do is say it.”

He knew this, oh god did he know this and right now he’s way too lost in it all to even feel the embarrassment or unsureness he usually does when he’s around you, so he asks—no begs—to finally fuck you. “Please, please let me fuck you Y/N.”

Your own eyes shut as he said this, fingers coming back up to rest on your stomach while you sat up in your bed with a smile on your face, focusing on the object beside your bed. “Okay, I’ll let you, if you let me try something on you first.”

Taehyung doesn’t even care to ask what the hell you meant by that, his mind already set on fucking you, and when he agreed without a second thought you text him your address, your head whirling at whats to come.

Taehyung didn’t even realize when he got to your place, running on autopilot fueled by pure hormones as he got into the taxi and managed to somehow get to your apartment in one piece.

His fingers were shaking slightly as he punched in the code you had given him, the main door buzzing as it unlocked, and it's then that it hits him, he's actually here. He had actually voiced his want for you and now he was here, fuck.

You sat patiently on your living room couch, a soft oversized shirt on as you waited for him to make his way up. You had buzzed him in about a minute ago, so when you heard the soft thud of footsteps approaching in the hallway, you knew it was him.

The gentle knock against your door had you hopping up from your spot, slowly approaching it and pressing your eye against the peep hole to catch a glance at him. He stood a foot or so away, eyes squinting at his phone and back up at the number to make sure it was the right place, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of a neighbor. 

Once you pulled open the door, you could tell he was nervous, hair a little messy on top of his head and face looking slightly flushed, but he stood up straight and gave you a smile.

“Hi,” he utters out, walking into your place when you stepped aside and motioned for him to come in. He half expected your apartment to look like a sex dungeon, dark and dim, covered in leather with a sex swing in the corner, but its surprisingly normal.

The soft pastel pinks and oranges greeting him is definitely not what he imagined but he likes it, his eyes locking onto a watermelon plushie with button eyes tucked into the edge of your couch.

“Taehyung, do you want some water?” you offer, wanting to ease him into this, but he just shakes his head, turning back around to face you and it's then that he realized you’re only wearing a shirt.

“If you’re drunk we don’t have to do this right now.”

Taehyung heard you loud and clear, but he can’t look away from your chest, every time he blinks he could see the image of your tits thanks to the picture you had graciously provided him with. It’s killing him because he knew you were currently bare underneath the thin shirt you have on.

To be honest he wasn’t drunk, barely even tipsy, the small amount of liquor he consumed tonight was way less than his normal amount. He felt woozy enough around you on a normal day, but he knew he definitely wasn’t too drunk to do what he had come here to do.

“No, I’m good. I swear.”

The determination in his tone was very clear but you still waited for him to stop blatantly staring at the way your nipples poked through the fabric of your shirt, until finally his gaze locked with yours, following behind you as you led the way to your bedroom.

When he entered your room his eyes were drawn to your bed, fluffy and inviting, draped in a soft peach duvet with light pillows, but knowing the absolutely filthy things you most likely did on it killed the small sense of innocence he initially felt. Especially when he spots the hitachi wand resting pretty at the edge of the bed.

You were staring at his profile when he spotted it and you saw the way he swallowed, wide eyes bulging out as he analyzed the toy. Was this what you had been using when you answered his phone call? He wasn’t sure, he hadn’t heard anything in the background...maybe it was one of those fancy zero noise ones.

When he heard you giggle he snapped out of it, turning to face you with curious eyes. 

“Have you never seen one?” Taehyung remained silent as he thought, but it's pretty clear he hadn’t. There was never time for sex toys with one night stands in random houses, sure he had seen them in porn but real life felt different. He wished he had, he didn’t want to use this on you and fumble around and make a bigger fool of himself.

“I take it you’ve never used one then?” you ask again as you walk over to it, picking it up gently in your hands and approaching Taehyung thanks to the fact that it was wireless.

He could only shake his head, staring at it in your grasp as your fingers glided over the plastic handle, your thumb flicking it on and smiling when the low hum filled the room. It's on the lowest setting but that didn’t stop you from beginning to get excited.

“Would you let me try this on you Taehyung?”

He looked utterly confused by your question, not at all expecting to be on the receiving end of this. What did you mean by that?

“You mean like shove it up my ass?” He could see you trying not to laugh at him, biting your lip as you shook your head. 

“No, it's not a dildo Tae. Use it here.” You reached out until it was gently pressed against his crotch, the wand buzzing over his jeans. He let out a grunt at the feeling, head dropping down to stare at the white silicone head weakly vibrating on him, taking a moment to get over the initial shock. He chalked it up to being slightly under the influence, but he really wanted you to turn it up.

It was clear to see how mesmerized he was by the device so you flicked it up a level, relishing in the small gasp he let out as his jaw dropped. It was barely a flutter of pleasure, but something about it excited him, had him craving more so he looked up at you, glassy eyes and all. 

“You can do whatever you want to me.” He felt no shame when he told you that, groaning once more when you applied a hint of pressure against him.

The way your body reacted to his words was pure instinct, him admitting to letting you do as you please unhinged you. He saw it in the way you bit your lip, your eyes roaming his face until they dragged down his body, landing on his now half hard cock with the vibrating head of the wand still pressing against it.

“Fuck, please,” he begged, and when you retract the wand he almost takes it back. That is, until you were pulling him in, one hand tugging at his shirt until he's flushed against you, your lips meeting his in a frenzy, swallowing the moan he let out into the kiss. His hands stayed at his sides, not sure if he was allowed to touch you again considering you had told him not to last time, and you smirked when you realized it. Taehyung knew he would only be able to touch you if he deserved it, your words being engraved in his brain, and he was planning on earning that tonight.

“Good boy, you remembered.” you whispered out, lips brushing against his as you spoke. His eyes remained shut, the only indication that he heard being the small nod he gave you. Your hand inched up from the grasp you had in his shirt until you’re cupping his cheek gently.

“You see what happens when you’re good?” You kissed him again, pulling back once he started to press harder into you. “You get rewarded.” His breath shuddered against your face at the promise of being rewarded, and you smiled while reaching down to grab his hand and gently tugged him closer towards your bed, your right hand still holding the wand loosely by your side as he followed along.

“Do you want me–“ he paused to take a breath when you turned back around to face him. “Do you want me to strip?” His voice sounded so soft, unsure if asking you was the right thing to do, but him asking you this showed you that you’d managed to create another sliver in his outer shell. One step closer to cracking him.

You gave him another gentle kiss, nodding as you stepped back from him, eyes trained on his body while he began to tug at the black shirt he had tucked into his jeans, the material slowly sliding off his body and revealing his tan skin.

He didn’t feel uneasy at your staring this time around, being able to tell you’re clearly enjoying the view of him slowly undressing, your eyes focusing on his cock as it sprung out when he slid out of his briefs. Your hand clutched onto the wand a little tighter, fingers hovering over the power button with newfound enthusiasm, eager to make him squirm at the new sensation. And when he took  it upon himself to settle onto your bed without you having to ask, you withheld the urge to clap in excitement.

Taehyung waited with baited breath when you kneeled onto the bed, shuffling your way up his body and setting the toy by his side, his body flinching slightly when the cool plastic touched his skin as it rolled on the bed. Resting your weight on your left hand, settled by his shoulder while your right hand softly cupped his cheek as you inched closer. His eyes looked at your lips before looking back down to his own hands, an unspoken question hanging off his tongue.

“My hands?” Is all he managed to get out, the rest of the question dying when he made eye contact but you only raised your brows up, making him realize he needed to be more specific. “Do you want them grabbing the headboard again?”

Leaning forward to kiss him once more, you smirked, witnessing how such a simple question could embarrass him so much due to him being in a different position than he was used to. “Ideally I’d want them cuffed and behind your back.” He shut his eyes at your words, cock throbbing as he pictured himself the way you wanted him. “But not today. Just keep them on the bed. Can you do that?”

Taehyung felt your lips press against his again and he nodded. “Y-yeah, yeah I can.”

He could feel you hum against his skin, the hand that was cupping his cheek beginning to trail down his chest, passing his navel until you reached his dick, fingers wrapping around him and beginning to slide your palm up and down. “Good.”

He sighed into your mouth as your hands squeezed around the base of his cock, twisting as it came up in a slow motion, wanting to ease him into the pleasure of it so as to not scare him when you grab the wand again. It only took a few minutes until he’s kissing you more relaxed, body sagging into the bed as he grunt softly into your mouth whenever you focused on his swollen tip; and that's when you reached over to your bedside table, grabbing the bottle of lube you had with your lips still attached to him.

They separate with a light smack, and you rest back onto his thighs, taking a moment to take him in, the way he’s laid out on your bed, chest heaving slightly while his weeping dick sat against his stomach. He watched you intently as you uncapped the lube you have, dropping a generous amount into your palm and wrapping it around his cock again. Taehyung hissed at the cool sensation, stomach tensing when you began a fluid motion only set on spreading the liquid, but he still groaned because he knew what was next.

You tried not to let the overt excitement show on your face when you reached over and grabbed the wand once more, thumb flicking it on to the lowest setting and pressing it against his thigh first, observing the way he jumped slightly at the sensation. “I know you’ve never used this before,” you start, trailing the vibrating head up onto his stomach and back down to his other thigh, dipping down slightly towards the center but staying off his cock. “So, you need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable at any moment okay?”

His thighs are tensing up already, getting desperate to feel something, anything. “Like a safe word?”

“Sure,” you hummed, staring back at his face and seeing the distraught look on it. He wasn’t sure why the idea of a safe word sent his mind into a flurry, he had never used one and having to think of one that he’d remember seemed almost impossible at the moment. “Or we can make it easy. You know traffic lights?”

He nodded. “Great. If you say green everything's going good, yellow is if you start to feel uncomfortable or need me to slow down, red is if you need me to stop completely. You say these at any time.”

You’re continuing to tease him as you explained this and Taehyung rested his head back, not wanting to see you as you clearly avoided giving his dick any attention. 

“Okay, I got it. Green,” he groaned out, and you just chuckled, finally pressing the head of the vibrator against his cock. The low vibrations started at the base and his stomach tensed at the feeling, a tiny whine escaping him, hands having to resort to clutching your sheets again to stop himself from grabbing you and forcing you to switch it up a level.

The head of the vibrator bent slightly as you applied more pressure, thumb flicking it up two levels and enjoying the way he cursed, his head lifting back up to stare in awe as you slowly dragged it up an inch before coming back down, passing it right over his balls briefly. 

“Oh shit,” he keened, teeth sinking into his bottom lip, not being able to thrust up into it because you were still resting on his thighs.

“Aren’t you glad you told me yes?” you asked teasingly, sliding it up until it was nuzzled right against his frenulum before kicking it up another two levels. His reaction had you dripping against his thighs, arm muscles taut from how hard he’s grabbing the duvet, stomach caving in as he moaned out unabashedly. 

“Fuck,” he gasped, “yes, I am.” Taehyung had no idea something like this could feel so good, he was so accustomed to hearing women talking about vibrators and he thought it was a load of shit. Clearly he had been very, very wrong. 

Even though you’re focusing it on the underside of his tip, slowly raising the levels up until he’s squirming, he felt like his whole lower body was vibrating. The telltale signs of his orgasm creep up on him, the feeling only increasing when your fingers wrap around his shaft and you hold the vibrator against his swollen tip. The fluttering feeling of pressure building up becoming more consistent, his breath leaving him in huffs as he tried to force it away.

You can tell by the way his body started to tense up, your finger turning it up another level to push him further. “Are you gonna cum already? I thought you wanted to fuck me?”

He whined loudly, desperately trying to sink his hips into the bed to ease the pressure but your hands followed his movements, his head whipping to the side as he scrunched his face up. “Fuck, I do–I do want to fuck you, god–“ he gasped out when you started to circle the head of the toy around his tip, the rolling pleasure becoming too much. “Unghh, please let me f-fuck you.”

His stomach began to shudder more aggressively, hips wiggling around and you smirked down at him, his face finally turning back up to stare at the ceiling, his brows pulled together tightly with unshed tears prickling his waterline. “Hold it Taehyung.”

He nearly sobbed at your demand, taking in a deep breath as he shut his eyes once more, forcing himself to try to tune out his nearing release. His heart feels tight in his chest, blood thrumming so loud in his head, eyes burning as the tears finally spill over. But it’s too late, the tingling feeling had started to spread throughout his body and he knew he was a few seconds away from blowing his load.

Taehyung let out a pained moan. “Fuck I can’t, y-yellow, yellow!” You let go of his cock, the vibrator lowering in intensity before easing off and going back to trail on his stomach and thighs as his close release faded away, letting him whimper as he tried to catch his breath. “I’m sorry.”

After a moment you switched the toy off entirely and set it aside on the bed, soft hands running along his skin to help calm him down, reaching up to gently wipe away his fallen tears. “Don’t be sorry, you did good.”

He sighed in relief, glad that he hadn’t ruined it by not being able to hold off his orgasm, he tried the best he could but the only way he wanted to cum was after he sank into you.

You gave him another minute to come down, easing off of his thighs to tug your shirt off of your body, the material landing in a heap on the floor and that grabbed Taehyung's attention. He looked at your body with desire, wanting to reach out and grab you, kneading your flesh as he cupped your tits and ass, but he's done so well so far so he holds himself back. The only daring touch he allowed is his thumbs gently rubbing against your knees as they rest on either side of his thighs.

You let the touch slide as you bent forward and kissed him, reaching over to the bedside drawer and pulling out a condom. Leaning back from him, you tear it open with your teeth and slowly ease it onto his throbbing cock, hearing him groan when your hands add a bit of pressure at his base once it's fully rolled on.

“You okay?” you ask softly. He looked dazed out, no longer tipsy from his earlier adventure but his mind was working on overdrive, the abundance of fantasies he’s had of you are coming to fruition. He was finally going to know what it felt like to actually fuck you, and he was scared his excitement would make him cum a minute in, especially after he had forced his last orgasm away.

“Yeah, just–“ he swallowed harshly, letting his head fall back into the plush pillows. “Give me a minute please.” You smirked at the slightly pained expression on his face, but you hummed anyways, letting his dick lay back above his stomach as you leaned forward and opted for kissing him softly, fingers slowly trailing through his hair to help calm him down.

Taehyung shivered as your nails gently scraped down until you reached his neck, his hips beginning to rut up against you, clearly being ready to continue.

“Please,” he starts again, groaning as you tugged his lower lip between your teeth, letting it snap back gently. “Let me fuck you. I’ve been good right?” He still felt his face flush at his own words but a strange sense of pleasure also coursed through him when you nodded in response.

Your hand reached down between your bodies, grabbing his cock to tease around your entrance. “Yes Tae, you’ve been very good.” He held his breath as you started to ease down onto him, the both of you groaning at the pleasant stretch of your walls, his jaw dropping while he kept his eyes glued at the sight of his thick cock parting your lips.

“Holy shit,” he gasped out when you fully sank onto him, giving him a moment as you rested your hands on his chest, biting your lip at how full you felt.

Kim Taehyung’s dick lived up to its name, long and girthy with the prettiest veins running along the underside of it, the slightest curve of it allowing it to gently nudge along the sweet patch inside of you. It filled you up perfectly, leaving you stunned above him as you adjusted to his size. 

When his breathing evened out, you peeked a glance at him, his forehead slightly damp from the earlier teasing. He looked so utterly fucked out and desperate and it urged you on; you were determined to crack him, show him how great this could be, and so far he seemed more than willing to let go of control.

As you start a slow rhythm, you wished you could bind his wrists behind his back, strapped into a chair, wrapped up in the pretty red rope you used to use on Jungkook, or even drape your favorite blindfold over his eyes like you used to with Hwasa;  but you didn’t want to push him further, you were letting him dip his toe into this.

Taehyung was so used to being in control, so used to being the one in charge of giving for himself, and when he had heard the way you spoke to him: praising him for behaving, all giggly and soft after you had made his mind blank from an orgasm, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back to his normal.

His thumb was still grazing your knees, every time he flicked them upward on your skin he could feel your muscles tense as you lift yourself off of him and snap back down, the sound of your skin slapping together filling up the room. They mixed in with your soft moans, nearly concealing how affected you were by this, hiding the small cries of pleasure felt from the tip of his cock nudging the sweetest spots deep within you. 

Taehyung could feel his blood buzzing in his ear, the feeling of being buried inside of you going beyond what he ever thought, his heart continuing to pound when he felt you tighten around his length.

“Is this worth you leaving whoever you were with earlier tonight?”

Your words caught him off guard for a moment, having to clear the heady feeling in his brain, and he took a moment to wonder how you knew he was with someone, but then your fingers came to prod at the hickeys littering his neck.

Half moons marked his skin as your nails came down to his chest, lightly digging into his skin and he hissed, hips thrusting up slightly. “Shit, I–“ he whined when you began to grind against him, slow rocks of your hips letting him feel the glide of your walls against his cock. “Yes, so worth it.”

You let yourself lean more against his chest, tits pressed along his skin as you brought your face closer. “Do you think she would’ve been able to make you feel this good?”

He doesn’t even have to think about it, immediately shaking his head. “No—fuck, just you.”

You pressed a kiss directly underneath one of the hickeys, leaning back again and cupping your breasts, fingers pinching and rolling your nipples as you resumed bouncing on top of him. Sinful slaps of your skin connecting fill up the room like it belonged there, arousal gushing out of you when he whimpers at the visual of you riding him. 

The whiny pleas he let out proved he’s edging close to his release again, making a heat pool in your gut, and he shocks you when he requests for you to place your hands around his throat. He had always been interested in choking, albeit he always imagined he’d be the one with his hands wrapped around someone but this felt right, your thumb and middle finger pressing into his carotid artery had all the stars aligning in his eyes.

Your eyes widened at his reaction, not expecting him to be bold enough to ask for this considering it took him this long to tell you he wanted to fuck you, but you’d take it. You’d take his half lidded gaze as you applied pressure on his neck, his stomach caving in slightly everytime you slid back down on his length, your walls squeezing him deliciously as he neared his end; you’d take all of it. .

He could feel his mind going hazy, drifting up as every nerve in him tingled, hyper fixated on the repeated raunchy, wet sound of you riding him. Taking note of his floaty appearance, you sped up your pace, tightening up around him as you leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. “You feel so good Taehyung, cum for me.”

He shivered slightly at your words, your hands squeezing a little tighter against his neck, and suddenly he's cumming. His body was set alight as the feeling caught him by surprise, eyes bulging out and a choked gasp leaving his mouth when you released his throat.

He let out a loud moan of your name, rutting his hips up into you as his dick twitched and filled up the condom, spine sparking with pleasure as you continued to rut against him. “Oh fuck,” he cried out, his hand coming up to tangle into his hair while the small after shocks of his orgasm hit him.

When you reached over to grab the forgotten hitachi wand, his mind blanks, seeing you continuing to grind against his still hard dick as you pressed the head of the wand against your clit had him at a loss.

Fuck you’re hot.

When you smiled down at him, your mouth dropping open slightly when you found the sweet spot, he realized he uttered that out loud. Another groan of his spilled out again when he felt the vibrations against his own cock from how high you had the settings.

You give up on fucking him, letting his cock stay nuzzled deep inside of you as you pressed one hand against his ribs while you hunched over and moaned. The intensity of the vibrator had your whole body trembling, buzzing directly against your swollen clit with precision, making your velvety walls pulse around his sensitive cock. 

The feeling of your orgasm came on strongly, your hand pressing the toy harder against you, and Taehyung felt like he could cum again as you tightened your walls around him, the sensation making him softly rut up into you.

“Oh god, fuck Taehyung,” you gasped out, throwing your head back as your orgasm finally hit you. All Taehyung could do was stare at you in a daze as you came undone, small whimpers leaving your lips as your hips twitched, chasing the pleasure until you were sighing and shutting off the toy, body still trembling from the aftershocks. 

When you tossed it aside you stayed sat on him, breath heaving as you hunched over him slightly. His hands that were on your knees fully came up onto your thighs to gently massage them, wanting to comfort you, the mutual understanding that he was allowed to touch you after sex being passed between you. 

After a minute, you slowly eases yourself off of his soft length, pulling off the condom and tossing it into the bin beside the bed.

Taehyung was entirely spent. Tonight had felt like the longest night of his life, and his eyes were drifting shut when he felt you straddle him again, your arms resting on his chest as you stared up at his sleepy form.

His eye cracked open and he grinned at you when he saw the look on your face; it was the sweet smile you wore when you were up to no good. The fingers on your left hand gently spelled your name on his skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake, your chin rested on top of your arm and you laughed when you saw his eyebrow raise up in question.

“What?” he asked. You were clearly out of the mood that made you want to bind and tease Taehyung until he was crying, wanting to reassure him and make sure he was comfortable after doing things you knew he wasn’t used to with your soft touches.

You hummed softly as you stared into his eyes. “Kim Taehyung is into choking huh?”

His face flushes immediately as he replays his request in his mind, and you pat his chest to get him to stare at you, a small frown on your face at his clear embarrassment. “Hey, it wasn’t a tease. It’s hot.”

Taehyung raised both brows now, staring at you like you had said something absolutely foreign to him. Tonight was a night of firsts and realizations, who knew Taehyung loved the feeling of a vibrator on his cock, and who knew he had a kink for your hands around his throat. “Really?”

“Oh yeah,” you mused, lifting up slightly to inch closer to his face. “Seeing you squirming while I choked you was the hottest thing.”

He could only stare at you, the gears in his head turning as he thought of what just happened. He never imagined he’d be into giving someone control like that. Taehyung knew it was minuscule, but this was all new to him and he loved it already, his brain wondering how much further you could take it.

“You know, I’m kinda into it.” He looked away from you as he said this, still not confident in admitting it and he knew it was silly, especially when he could see how much hearing these words lit your face up.

Your eyes shut when he admitted to this; it always felt like finding gold when you got a man to confess to enjoying this. So many men were always afraid to admit to liking how it felt when a girl took control over them, no matter how subtle, and Taehyung was someone you thought would be a little harder to break down.

“Are you?”

He hummed, his hands finally coming up higher to touch you and his warm grip caught you off guard. But he takes his time as he trails his fingers up and down your sides, gliding across your back, sliding them into your hair and tugging you closer until he’s kissing you, the first time he’s ever taken control of any situation.

He relished in the small gasp you let out as he licked the seam of your lips, his tongue slipping in and massaging against yours slowly for a brief moment until he’s pulling back. Taehyung realized that this is the longest conversation you two have had in person, and the first one where he didn’t feel like a babbling idiot.

“Is there more we can try next time?” he wondered softly, nudging your noses together and kissing you again briefly.

Your mind was already picturing how he’d look tied up, cock swollen and dripping with a cockring sat snuggly around his base, maybe a thick collar around his neck. You could ease him into trying out some of the floggers you have, or tempt him into wax play, maybe ice cubes if he was wary of the wax. So many ideas that had you squirming on top of him with anticipation, and when he saw that look on your face he found himself smiling with you.

“Oh, there's so much Taehyung. You just have to tell me what you’re comfortable with.” Your fingers are raking through his own hair now as he leaned into the touch. “Can you do that?”

When your fingers tugged the strands, he sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Pressing your lips against his again, he feels you smirk against his skin, the small sharpness of your teeth sinking into his lip making him groan. “Good boy.”

[mediocre-writerr]

you belong with me [cassie howard]

cassie howard x fem reader

requested: Hey! Can I request a f! reader x Cassie Howard fic where the reader is in love with Cassie, but it's like a slow burn happy holidays! xx

key: italics stand for rue’s voiceover! enjoy

*not my gif*

Y/N Y/L/N and Cassie Howard have been best friends since they were little. Y/N was always there for Cassie during her whole childhood. Watching her from the sidelines as her figure skating became more and more incredible. 

“Y/N! When are you gonna get off your lazy bum and join us?” Cassie’s dad asks during one of their many ice skating practice sessions. 

You were taken back by surprise and you looked towards Cassie who was giving you her best pouty lips and eyes, “Oh okay.” 

You strapped on the ice skates that the Howard family bought you for your 10th birthday. A gift you rarely used. But was still grateful for nevertheless. 

Back before your Cassie started getting into ice skating your family was big about hockey. So you knew the in’s and out’s of ice skating, but you weren’t good at doing cool tricks. 

“Y/N, you’re a natural!” Cassie says as you start skating towards her. 

And it’s like she jinxed you or something because you started slipping. Flailing your hands up in the air. But she caught you and the two of you just stared at each other smiling coyly. 

Her lips were inches away from yours. But her dad cleared her throat, looking at the two of you with a small smirk on his face. 

Y/N and Cassie were inseparable, nothing seemed to ever get in between them. Lexi always gave Y/N looks and have conversations where she tried to make her think that it was something more than just a friendship, but she was easy to laugh off or ignore. 

Lexi thought of Y/N as a second sister growing up together and having Y/N be over all the time. So when she saw the way Y/N looked at her older sister she couldn’t help but want to protect her. 

She didn’t want you to get hurt, but how could Cassie ever hurt Y/N?

Y/N loved Cassie more than a friend. There was never a specific moment when Y/N found out she liked Cassie. It was everything about her, all of the moments leading up to since they were young kids.

Much to her disappoint, Cassie’s underlying daddy issues made her attached to boys in more ways than anyone could ever possibly. She fell in love too fast and dare I say it, was too naive. 

Cassie wanted to be loved and never wanted to be alone. She wanted all the boys no matter how stupid, sweet, or mean they were. And that led to many nights of crying in Y/N’s arms about some boy who leaked her nudes or made a sex tape or broke her heart.

“Y/N?” she whispers over the phone, her voice already cracking.

You shot up from laying down on your bed and instantly woke up at the sound of your first love crying, “Hey is everything okay?” 

“No. I can’t. Someone made a sex tape of me and leaked it and I just really need you.” she whispers, trying to get all of the words out. 

“I’ll be there in five.” 

Luckily for the two of you, you didn't live far. And before you knew it you were climbing in her bedroom window. 

She instantly pulled you into a hug and you wrapped your arms around her waist. Placing a hand on the back of her head to pull her close. You started rubbing the back of her head, threading your fingers through her hair. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” I whisper, “I’m here now. You’re gonna be okay.” 

Y/N always protected Cassie. Ever since the first pictures of her nudes were leaked she was there to let her cry. Her first sex tape was leaked, Y/N was there. A boy broke her heart, Y/N was there to pick up the pieces to put her back together.

Y/N hoped that one day she wouldn’t feel this way anymore. Or one day Cassie would realize that she was there all along. But it never happened. And it seemed like it would never happen when Cassie started dating McKay.

Y/N insisted she wasn’t jealous, but she also insisted she wasn’t jealous about all of Cassie’s suitors.

“McKay is a good guy Y/N!” Cassie yells. 

The two of you were having yet another argument. And you weren’t angry at her or at McKay, you were just tired. So fucking tired. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Cassie asked, “This is your third snide comment this week about McKay this week and it’s only 10 am on a Monday!” 

“I’m sorry for being bitter. I’m just tired.” you whisper. 

Lexi gave you a sympathetic smile and look. And you just smiled back softly. 

See you weren’t jealous. That would involve anger and you weren’t angry. You didn’t hate McKay. 

Sure, there were thing that he did that was questionable at best, but he was wasn’t the worst out of all of Cassie’s boyfriends. 

Even though your happiness was slowly dwindling away each time you saw them at a party. Or each time she canceled plans to go hang out with him instead of you. Or each time you saw them kiss. 

Even though all of it was fading away in you. She didn’t deserve to lose anything when she was so happy. So you tried to stay the same for her and not act any differently. 

Lexi had been a good friend to Y/N and did her best to try and pull her out of it. The annual carnival was coming up and it used to be a tradition for the three girls to go together, but Cassie was busy with McKay...again. 

The two of you ran into McKay on the way to the Ferris Wheel. Much to both of your surprise you didn’t find Cassie next to him, “Where’s Cassie?” Lexi asked.

“Oh I don’t know we called it a night a couple hours ago.” he said with a shrug before going back to Nate and Mr. Jacobs.

Both of you looked at each other and immediately knew something was up. Agreeing to split up both of you searched the carnival in chance to find her. 

That’s when you saw her going around the carrousel with Daniel. She was grinding against the pole of the horse. And Daniel looked like he was getting turned on by it.

But there was something about her that was off. She looked high. You were gonna leave, but you decided to wait for the ride to stop. Before ultimately taking her home, you didn’t want some asshole like Daniel to take advantage of her in the state she was in. 

As soon as the ride stopped you hopped the fence that separated the line to get to her. Despite all the yelling from the person who controls the ride you made your way to Cassie.

“Hey Cassie. How about we get you out of here, okay?” you ask.

“Y/N! I didn’t know you were here.” she slurs and you nod smiling.

“I’m right here.” you whisper to her, unbuckling her seatbelt and lifting her off.

Daniel scoffed, “What the fuck Y/L/N?! We were in the middle of something!” he yelled annoyed.

“Not anymore.” you reply. 

You guided her towards the exit, but saw that she was stumbling and it was hard for her to walk. So you did what you thought was best and picked her up bridal style. 

Cassie wrapped her arms around your neck and nestled into your chest, “Can you believe McKay said to people we weren’t dating? We were just chilling. He literally told me that he loved me yesterday.” she says angrily.

“I’m sorry love. You don’t deserve that.” you whisper back as you saw Lexi, Jules, and Rue running towards the two of you.

Lexi looked at her sister frantically, “Is she okay? Do you need help? I can get her for you.

“Lex take a breath,” you whisper and she nods taking a deep breath, “She’s okay, she just looks a little high off of something. But I got her.” 

Lexi nods and we all get into Cassie’s car. Jules and Rue decided to stay at the carnival a little longer, but we thought it was best if we got her home. 

Cassie passed out across your lap as you just ran your fingers through her hair. Staring at the beautiful girl in front of you. 

“I wish she could see that you were always there for her. She needs someone like you in her life.” Lex whispers looking at you through the rearview mirror. 

But the thing is Cassie never noticed. As much as she would hate to agree with me, she took Y/N for granted most of the time. She just assumed that her best friend since basically birth would always be there for her.

She learned that the hard way.

You were more tired than usual as you sat on the couch of McKay’s house. You were at one of his infamous parties seated next to Lexi, Rue, and Jules. 

Lexi and Rue begged you to come and you agreed without hesitation. But then you realized that you would have to see them dancing close to one another, kissing, and just being with each other. 

The other three girls proceeded in conversation, but you were too tired to contribute. So despite all of the loud music and drunk people, you laid your head on Lexi’s shoulder trying your hardest to just shut everything out for a few minutes. 

And you were about to shut everything out when you heard your name being slurred, “Y/N, what’s wrong?” 

You opened your eyes a little, not wanting to leave the comfortable spot you found on Lexi’s shoulder.

“It’s nothing, Cassie, really. I just have a headache.” you whisper, trying your best to smile at her.

“Why are you lying to me?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Of course she knew when you were lying, 

“Just let it go, please.” you pleaded with her.

You didn’t want all of this to come out now. Not when she was tipsy. Not when all of your friends and a bunch of random strangers were around to hear.

“No Y/N! I can’t! It’s like you’ve been falling into this pit of sadness for I don’t even know how many months now! I just want to know what happened. You’re supposed to trust me. I trust you. So why can’t you trust me?” she whispered sadly.

“3 months.” I whisper simply.

“What?” she asks.

And it was all coming out right now. Despite all your wishes and prayers to not to.

“I’ve been falling into a pit of sadness for three months. Ever since you started falling for McKay.” you whisper and it looks like the wheels are turning in her head, “I can’t trust you because I’m in love with you!” 

You finally yell out, letting all the feelings that you’ve had pent up to finally come out. Lexi squeezed your hand lightly to let you know that she’ll be right here.

“What?” Cassie asks, her mouth open agape as she just stared.

“I always have been! And now it’s too late. I’m not angry with you and I don’t hate McKay. I’m just tired. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just there now when everything goes wrong in your life. When you and McKay fight or when you need someone to pick you up when you’re drunk. I’ve always been there for you and I’m tired of it not being enough.” and with that you got up and you left. 

She didn’t try chasing after you. No one did. They all knew you needed your time and your space to regroup. 

And just like that the non-related conjoined twins were separated. Neither of them talked or hung out. The only time they would see each other is passing in the hallway exchanging small smiles.

It was weird for the both of them. No small study sessions or move nights. Just them alone. 

Cassie didn’t like not having Y/N there, but every time Y/N tried talking to her she would just avoid her.

During the time Y/N was gone she realized that Y/N was right. Lexi gave her a stern talking to. Lexi’s talk was basically her singing that one Taylor Swift song.

You know the one that goes like...

Dreaming about the day where you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time. Then something about short skirts and t-shirts, I don’t fucking know.

And that’s when Cassie knew. Cassie Howard was in love with Y/N Y/L/N.

Then the infamous night happened, where everything came pouring out...literally. It was raining outside. 

Your phone buzzed with a text and your heart stopped at the name that popped up onto your phone. 

With a text that read meet me outside. You looked outside your window and saw the raindrops that stained your window pane. And made out the small figure that is the blonde girl. 

You grabbed a hoodie from your closet before running downstairs and to the middle of the street.

“Cassie! What are you doing? It is pouring!” you yell the hood covering your head.

You stepped closer to her throwing the hoodie you grabbed from your closet over her head. She was standing there wearing nothing, but a long sleeve shirt and jeans. 

“You still care about me?” she asks barely above a whisper voice.

You let out a sigh, “Just because we stopped talking doesn’t mean I stopped caring.” 

Out of nowhere Cassie pulled you closer to her by the waist placing her lips on yours. You didn’t kiss back at first, but it didn’t take you long to kiss her back. Your two lips moving in perfect motion, you only pulled away when you felt like you were gonna pass out.

“I love you. I always have and I’m sorry I took you for granted. And I’m sorry I didn’t see that you were right in front of me all along. I love you. I am so sorry-” she was about to go on, but you cut her off with a quicker kiss.

She smiles into the kiss before pulling away, “I love you so much, but this was very dramatic.” you whisper with a smile that matched Cassie’s.

She giggled lightly before pecking your nose.

[octania]

Midnight stalker ( Dabi x Reader NSFW 18+)

Dabi x Reader

Warnings: Stalking, yandere, death (not Dabis nor readers), smut, NSFW.

Word count: 3300

Short description: A lot of scary things lurks in the dark, but when two blue electric eyes stick to you and don't let go, you'll see what the face of a villain who has a very specific way of showing his feelings looks like.

PART 2 - MIDNIGHT HUNTER

_____________________________________________________________

"I have no useless feelings." - That's impossible. He would repeat those words to himself over and over again, but the only thing that’s useless in the end are exactly those words. He does not understand what's going on. And lack of knowledge is one of the first things that makes him angry. At one point, as he was following you as some kind of maniac for the fourth night in a row, hiding behind every wall bathed in darkness, he tried to convince himself that what was happening must be the result of your quirk. Yes, that is the only explanation. You know he's there and you bewitched him to follow you like a sad puppy.

"I am going fucking insane here." He cursed under his breath, rubbing his eyelids. Of course this was not the result of your quirk, you had no idea he was following your every step for days, you lived your most normal life, and despite everything, he saw you using your quirk on a third day of his mission, and it had nothing to do with what he had just claimed.

  He noticed you quite by accident. Damn that moment. He was walking down a dilapidated neighborhood in the middle of the night, minding his own business, when he heard a gentle female whisper from the corner of the street. Such a sweet sound was not at all characteristic for the place where he was, in fact, the only thing that could be heard from the corners of these streets was the screaming, swearing or unrestrained moaning of the lady of the night, not a gentle whisper. The devil did not give him peace, he had to see what was happening. When he leaned behind the wall of the building in the dark, all the filth of this place was gone. He had an eye for beautiful women, but none of them made him look at their faces longer than a few seconds before his gaze continued to their enticing curves. You knelt beside a pile of cluttered boxes, touching something small and fragile between them. A puppy. You stroked his soft head, whispering that everything would be fine and that he was safe now. 

He became a part of the shadows on the street, he managed to blend smoothly with each one as he followed you for the first time. You carried the puppy on your chest, not even looking back at the potential dangers of the neighborhood you wandered into. But the truth is, there was no real danger, not while Dabi was following you. He wasn't even aware that he would defend you to the last spark of his flame if something went wrong, and he didn't even know you.

 You were more than ... interesting to him. Yes, that was the word he decided to use. Everything he saw in life was gray and suddenly he discovered color. He had to see what the difference was, why his interest was growing. Fast enough, you got to your house. He stored the place, the street number, and the exterior of the house in his mental map, not even knowing that the place would become his obsession.

 That night he slept worse than usual. He rolled around on the rough sheets of his bed, trying to fall asleep and have a nightmare, what he used to do. But instead of the bloodthirsty scenes of his reality, before his eyes was an act of kindness and tenderness, a scene of you rescuing a puppy. It made him angry ... no, it made him furious.

"Tch ... damn it." He sat up, running his fingers through his charcoal-colored hair. It didn't take him long to open his eyes completely and jump off the bed, grabbing his dark blue hoodie, pulling it over his naked muscular body and diving into the cold night.

 He is in front of your house. He stands helplessly staring at the window. His eyes are half closed, but not from being tired. Fearful thoughts run through his head. "Damn bitch ..." - he wanted to hate you, he had to. People like Dabi, if only a little attempt is made to scratch the surface of their feelings, they defend themselves with hatred and denial because it is a place they never go into, because through life, they have learned that feelings bring nothing but pain and despair. So they decided to lock them up. Bury, hide, deny, and eventually destroy ... prevent them from surfacing, as was the case with Dabi.

He is in front of your window. He is looking at you. He found where your bedroom is. He watches you as you sleep. His electric blue eyes stare at you like a target. "You don't deserve to sleep so carefree ..." His intention was to finish you off at that point. Delete this irregularity. His hand was already bathed in blue flames, ready to obey his orders.

The light woke you up, disturbed your sleep. You opened your eyes, but there was nothing but darkness around you. You would swear the light woke you up. You laughed at yourself. Those crazy dreams. You rubbed your eyelids, which were still closing from the weight of sleep. You glanced at the clock on the wall. 02:45, that was the time the hands were pointing. Back to sleep, a simple decision. You turned on your side, your back was facing the window, but before you sank back into sleep, you turned once more to check on what your new hairy friend you had rescued from the street that night was doing. "That is odd ..." the little puppy sat on the edge of the bed, wagging his tail and looking out the window.

 "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the fuck?!" - He banged madly against the wall of abandoned building back in his neighborhood. A gang of villains who decided to lurk innocent victims there that night fled like insects seeing a furious Dabi approaching, bathed in his own flames head to toe. As soon as his fist slammed into the bricks of the wall for the first time, they disappeared with their tail between their legs.  "Why did you have to look at me ... why ..." - you didn't even know that you looked him directly in the eye and that was what saved you. If you only woke up a few seconds later, you would never wake up again. He wanted to set you on fire and the place where you lived, to erase you as if you didn't even exist. But then your gaze caught his and a Pandora's box opened in his chest that he so desperately wanted to leave sealed. The kindness and tenderness your eyes carried seemed to shed light on his inner darkness. You froze him, a funny thing for someone bathed in flames. He escaped from there like those thieves from this building just now. Dabi doesn't run away. Dabi never runs away and does not dodge an opponent. He stopped hitting and sat down on the cold concrete. He leaned his head against the wall, his eyes searching for the large yellow moon that sat on the dark clouds. "Yeah ... that's exactly how you are." - in the monotonous darkness of his life, now something bright and big emerged, throwing its light on the shadows he kept inside. He compared you to the moon once more, this time again with a taste of hatred in his mouth. "That's it ... you are exactly like this, a big fucking irregularity."

At first he didn't want to go back, but he had to. He literally had to. His body ached from the mental prohibition he issued to himself. As a drug addict, he was drawn to another hit. He justified his action quickly enough, convincing himself that he wanted to check if this was all one big misunderstanding he had with himself. That he drank a few extra drops of alcohol  yesterday before he started following you. Anger piled up in his chest as he realized he was lying to himself. He drank only one whiskey, nothing compared  to what he normally drank. Before he could muster more hatred directed at you, he had already came close to your house. The interior was lit. She is home. The thought of you breathing only a hundred yards away from him lifted the hair on his head. He needed to stop those breaths, because that would surely stop his dilemma. He decided to put an end to this circus once again. On his burned neck, the culprits for that catastrophe were climbing on it again. A blue flame hugged him around the neck. As it appeared, so it withdrew, quenching his anger as if it had never been there.

You came out with a cheerful smile. Playfully jumped over the new leash you bought for your furry friend. You went for your first late-night walk together. You and ... a pair of bright eyes lurking in the dark.

When he saw you, he felt like a match whose flame was put out  with the weakest exhalation. That smile again. A smile that drew everyone to itself with its angelic vibe. Everything, even the dark and opposite of the angelic, Dabi. He has decided not to think about what he is doing, again patiently following you and watching from a safe distance. He realized that any attempt to explain or draw a conclusion resulted in his anger, and now he was rather tired of it. He could tell he was feeling defeated, not only because he failed to attack you, but because Pandora's box was now throwing its chains of dominance. He won't admit it, ever. He didn't even realize how hard it would be for him to deny it.

You came to the lake, after running and jumping with your puppy, you decided to sit on a bench and enjoy the murmur of the water. You tilted your head, removing the rubber band from your hair and loosening your ponytail. You inhaled a fresh breeze as it caressed your cheeks. Until your puppy suddenly jumped. He barked, wagging his tail merrily, looking toward the corner of the street. "What is it boy?" - you have to admit, you were lightly concerned. You haven’t seen anyone, and your friend apparently still feels someone. Although crime was not at a high rate in this part of the city, you were not far from the part where it was. You were far from an ordinary frightened girl, you knew how to defend yourself, you were brave, but you didn't ask for trouble if it wasn't necessary. You decided to head back home. Getting up, you picked up the puppy and headed the other way home. You checked behind you few times, but there was no one. Although, the feeling of someone watching you was not lost.

Damn traitor... he slipped away at the last moment before you saw him. This clumsy hiding was not in his style. He was usually pretty good at it, it was a part of his job, to go unnoticed. However, the others didn't have a curious dog sniffing you out from five blocks away. And after all ... he can only blame you for his slow reaction. Watching curls of hair falling over your bare shoulders that looked silky to the touch and your lovely face enjoying the breeze ... he swallowed more than once, fascinated by your every move. For the first time, he decided not to whip himself because of his weakness, but the desire to punish you for bringing him into a situation like this was growing.

The days went by and his night occupation did not change. Due to his absence from duty, he had a clash with other members of the LOV. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t do his part of the job. He forgot his responsibilities, following you instead. He remembers exactly what he learned about you that night when he was supposed to work. You like lollipops. You like lollipops a little too much. Of all the things you carried in those grocery bags on your way back from the store, lollipops of different fruit flavors took up most of the space. Hell, not only did you take them home but you ate three pieces on your way there. First you lick them a couple of times, traveling with your tongue around the round candy, then you put the whole thing in your mouth, sucking greedily. That evening he stopped  a few blocks before your house, turned, went to the park, went behind a large tree whose century-old trunk could hide three adults, and helped himself. The way you swirled your tongue around that candy drove all the blood into his lower body. His dick was hard in a second. He saw you on your knees in front of him, first crossing over your full lips with his tip. How he pulls you by the hair as he fills your throat to the point where you can’t breathe. How he decides when you will get oxygen. How obediently you give him pleasure by sucking his dick juicier than you did a lollipop. How he touches your lips with his thumb while you still receive it in your mouth. Scenes popped before his eyes, while he jerked his rock hard cock. He growled under his breath, feeling that he will reach the climax soon. He would make you swallow every drop, and only after he was sure you were an obedient little girl would he let you inhale when he took it out of your mouth. He came on a dry tree trunk. What a pity, it could all be in your mouth.

Who ... the fuck ... is..he ...- he saw red in front of his eyes. His blood was boiling and his hands were shaking when he saw you walking your dog with someone. That someone was a guy. You talked and laughed, walking pretty close to each other. When the damn idiot brushed his shoulder against yours, Dabi could clearly see how he is tearing that limb off  that morons body. Up to this point your smile had been creating a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t there because of his fiery power, but now he felt disgusted every time you laughed. Repulsive, the only word that could describe the scene in front of his eyes. Something so disgusting must not happen again, there are already enough disgusting things in this world.

You and your friend parted quite far from your houses. He has been around for over a year, trying to get out of the friend zone you have putted him in from the moment you met. Before he left, he hugged you. You carefully returned the hug, not wanting to give him false hopes. You patted him on the back and walked away slowly, shouting “See ya’!” to him. You should have said goodbye, because you'll never see him again.

 Never before had he been so happy to take someone’s life as now, and the list of people he hated was long. However, this transcended hatred. He fed the horror in his eyes as he burned him slowly, so slowly that the unfortunate young man lost consciousness a couple of times from the pain and agony. But Dabi did not give him the satisfaction of dying in ignorance. He would punch him in the face, welcoming him back with his crazy smile every time. He wanted him to feel what he felt when he saw you two together. He wanted him to spend his last moments in hell and be fully aware of it. He burned him layer by layer, first the outer layer of skin, in order him to be alive for as long as possible. As he began to burn his inner organs, soon after the soul of his victim left the mutilated body. He threw it in the dumpster, like garbage that belongs there, and went looking for you.

You loved the night. You were always attracted to the mystical, the mystery of darkness and what is in it intoxicates your desires. Although you are a good person, you had a taste for dark things. Maybe you didn’t show that side of you so much in front of others, and because of it you had to endure endless efforts of the goodies  just like your friend, who wanted you to share the softness of romance with them, but that wasn’t enough for you. You used to not even know what you wanted. Your thinking was interrupted by an instinctive sense of danger. You couldn't even turn around to check what was behind you when your eyes were covered by complete darkness. The pressure on your eyelids made your head hurt. A rough palm gripped you mercilessly, and before you tried to defend yourself with your hands, like handcuffs another hand wrapped itself around your wrist. An unknown person pushed you against the wall, squeezing you with his weight. He was strong, he squeezed the air out of your lungs with his pressure. Before you could speak, you felt a breath on your cheek.

 „Make even a sound and I will bite that lips off your pretty doll face.“ Observation alone was no longer an option. After feeding the need to destroy what approached something that was his, he had to feed another need. He had to taste you. He had to know what the poison tasted like. You disrupted his way of life even without knowing he exists, you can’t do anything more when you finally feel his presence. At least he thought so. He forgot that like any addict, overdose is an option. He felt its sting the moment he pressed his lips violently to yours. With his lips he savagely parted yours, his tongue searching for yours, absorbing your taste and the sobs that came from your throat. The surface of his tongue traveled along yours. The longer he greedily kissed you, the worse the need to continue was. He kept your eyes still covered, fighting the urge to grab you by the jaw and let go of your  arms just to turn you over and lift you up against the wall as he lit your clothes. But his need to absorb you was stronger than his sexual desire. Pandora's box was now bursting, releasing the thoughts and feelings that haunted him like devils, and the fact that you didn't return the kiss voluntarily gave birth to more anger in him. He moved his head away from yours, breathing hard.

"If you don't want to become a living torch, you better not turn around." You could feel the pressure on your body being released, your hands free again, and the other person's sense of presence fading a bit. You stood in shock, eyes closed. Of all the fears and horrors you  have imagined when he first grabbed you, this was the last thing you thought would happen. That he will force you to kiss him and then disappear. I must not turn around, I must not ... the curiosity and fearlessness that were your most pronounced traits made your head turn and your eyes absorbed the sight of the person who attacked you. You saw his strong broad shoulders getting more and more away... you shuddered when you saw the scars on his arms and neck ... the black pointy hair... The last thing you saw was exactly what you shouldn't have seen, the look of blue eclectic eyes disappearing around the corner of the building into the night.

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[bibliophilicwitch]

Okay this is going to be a pretty big update related to work. And it’s gonna be pretty big because I haven’t been writing my rambling posts lately because I’ve been too busy at work when I normally would’ve gotten my feelings written down. idk how many are interested in this these days, but I know I’ve had followers that found my work updates interesting.

As you may remember I worked as a supervisor at a fabric store for many years and was worked into the ground with a horrible pittance for my effort. That company folded and I worked at Target for just over a year at the front end to utilize my management skills, but I realized that I had basically learned everything I could in such retail settings and I wasn’t happy. So I left and ended up working for Shopko pharmacy... for about a year until they also folded.

So the last two years I have been working at a Kroger pharmacy. I will be blunt - I am not a fan of Kroger though the reasons why are not specific to just Kroger but are evident in most retail pharmacy chains (and corporate customer service in general).

When we started administering COVID vaccines it was... rough. It wasn’t quite as horrible as the first few months after opening the new pharmacy because now we have learned a lot and know how to do most of what we’re doing and overall our patients are not abusing us as they had early on. But we are running around 26 vaccines over the course of two hours and not processing and dispensing medications during that time so we then spend the rest of the day frantically attempting to catch up while all of our patients that had to wait until we resumed daily services flooded us at once. We were short a tech for nearly three months and she has just returned and I already noticed the difference this past week. This means that now we are not spread thin with no extra coverage but instead no longer have to pick up tons of extra hours on top of having no extra coverage to help catch up from the vaccine clinic.

A few weeks ago I stayed over five hours after my shift, two of which during closed hours, and even two techs working literally all day including after closing with the pharmacist and getting caught up on several projects wasn’t enough because by noon the next day we were already sinking. It was at that point that I determined I was done. It didn’t matter how much we tried, we couldn’t get ahead and this meant that every day it felt like we were terrible techs unable to do our jobs competently. 

I didn’t have any deadlines or programs at the library the following Monday so I decided to use my first vacation day in over a year for a three-day weekend only to be asked if I could come in Monday evening at the pharmacy because it was such a shit show. I decided not to go in because we are very limited on what we can do after 5 anyways but I felt so damn guilty about it so a few days later I started job hunting with the goal of looking for something that will use the different skillsets I have developed at the library hopefully I can find a part-time job running a local business’s social media though that isn’t very likely in the small community I live in. All I know is that I am Done with pharmacy.

Meanwhile about ten years ago I started working at the circulation desk at my local library and found I was truly passionate about libraryship as a career. I’ve wanted to work in technical services processing books full-time for years, but technology and the changes of how libraries run means this is not a likely option unless I am at a much larger library. Around five years ago I kinda fell into the program and volunteer coordinator position and while I have had to manage many challenges and work to improve myself to meet those challenges it has been a good experience. Unfortunately it is only a 20hr position and after years of telling my director I would like more hours and I could bring so much more to the position if I had those hours, she kept hesitating to explore that.

This past year my old director retired and we hired a new director. This director has experience at libraries that had dedicated positions for building and managing an online presence and reaching communities in a variety of ways, so when she heard the ideas and suggestions I made throughout the pandemic while we were offering services virtually and determining that we had a HORRIBLE online presence it became an interest to her to possibly utilize my skillset to build that online presence. She tasked me with working on social media plans only to realize I was overburdened with programming at 20 hours and unable to put time into social media so she stepped that back.

The need to build our online presence hasn’t gone away though as Youth Services posts all their virtual programs via Facebook Live and has been sharing many other posts and Adult Services has stepped up their game as well meaning posting conflicts have started to be an issue since everyone has basically just been posting whatever they want with little to no consistency or branding. So my director tasked me with herding cats even though there has been no recognition of my role as a leader leading to me not wanting to overstep.

I asked my director in my bi-monthly meeting about a desire for more hours as well as a better understanding of my role in the future of our library. My city fucked up their budget a year or two ago and with COVID our hours and positions are actually on a freeze so I cannot get more hours though my director does have the goal of getting more hours to a few positions including mine. We are joining our local system this year which may mean we do not need our technical services positions so if any of them leave those hours could be allocated elsewhere. I just have no idea when these hours could become available. But this conversation did lead to giving all of programming to Adult Services and having my job become marketing and volunteer coordinator instead of program and volunteer coordinator.

My only concern is that this change may mean my position doesn’t need more hours later down the road? And that is literally all I want: a full-time position at my current library (since I am settled into this community) so I can work one damn job and have benefits. (My teeth have been a mess for years and yesterday I ate a nut wrong and was in so much pain I left one job early and called in sick to the other.)

Over the past couple of years Youth Services has started tasking each of their staff with planning and running their own programs and our goal is to do something similar with Adult Services. The biggest issue with that is that my current programs may not really play to any of Adult Services strengths, so some of my programs may be dissolved later this year.

I suspect Garden Guru which we market and host but is planned and presented by Master Gardener Volunteers will continue as it is fantastic series with minimal work on our end. We will probably end up changing around book club a fair bit which is fine as it has always been in a state of flux as I worked to figure out how to make it work well. Paint & Sip hasn’t been run in over a year due to the pandemic but will likely continue in some form. Make & Mingle has been monthly kits which is EXTREMELY time consuming and will likely be changed a fair bit when taken over by Adult Services at least during the transition and probably afterwards as they plan for its future.

Paint & Sip’s popularity has been my biggest frustration over the years but it and Make & Mingle have also been the most gratifying for me as I have always gotten the most positive feedback during and after those programs from participants. Also my office is basically a craft storage space and I am going to miss being known for the crafts.

I need to write up a new job description. I need to write out my programming planning and organization for Adult Services as a guide as they take over. I need to continue moving the Google Drive folders from my personal Google to the library’s new Gmail so that Adult Services will have control over them. I need to make sure these programs are all planned out enough to make sure transition is relatively smooth (Adult Services staff will either shadow my programs a few times or I will shadow with them as they take over and I figure I will work with the staff picking up different programs for transition plans).

So yeah... a fuck ton has been going on the last several months both overwhelming and exciting.

[jawritter]

Jokes On You...

Request: Can you write reader x J2 (platonic), like reader is teen actress, she is close with Jared but Jensen hates her coz she is very childish prob but reader loves him like a brother. One day some accident is about to happen and reader throws her before Jensen and saves him. She gets injured and then Jensen learns her mistake and they make up and go out for a movie and dinner and stuff? Like reader gets a little drunk at dinner and Jensen takes care of her the whole time even if Jared offered? TY!

A/N: Hope you enjoy this one! As always feedback is gold! Please don’t copy my stuff!! All mistakes are mine!! If you want to be added to my tag list let me know!!

Word Count: 2014

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, Jared x Reader

Warnings: Launguage, underage drinking, Jensen bing mean, that’s about it.

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST****

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Walking from the makeup trailer to the set was always interesting because you never knew what, or who, was going to jump out from behind something with a whipped cream pie, or something that they were going to throw at you. 

Today was no different. 

Jared had promised to pay you back for the one that you’d slapped in his face on the way to his car yesterday, and you knew your hay day was coming. 

You’d been working on the set of Supernatural as Sarah, Garth’s little sister that had taken up hunting with the Winchesters. It was your first acting gig, and you couldn’t have been more excited. It was hard to get started in the Hollywood period, and most people were successful started as children in some way, shape, or forum. You on the other hand, didn’t get started until you turned 18. Which made your break on Supernatural a blessing. Most people wouldn’t take a chance on an 18 year old with no experience, but they had, and you loved every minute of it. 

You had gotten really close to Jared very quickly because of your shared childish behavior when it comes to pulling a good prank on people, and you loved Jensen like a brother, even though he seemed annoyed with you most of the time. You learned quickly that he could be pretty grumpy and to not push his buttons. Jared had even warned you not to pull any pranks on him.

You took his word for it, and left Jensen alone most of the time. Though he still seemed to keep up his grumpy persona, no matter what you tried to do. 

Speaking of said grumpy pants, here he comes now. Walking toward you with a sour look on his face as usual. Why did he not like you? You loved him to death. He was like the big brother you never had, and you had more than a little crush on the older actor, though you’d never admit it.

“Hey, they’ve pushed filming this scene back about thirty minutes because they’re having trouble with the lighting on set, so we’ve got to wait to go in there.” Jensen said, looking more than a little annoyed that filming was going to be behind schedule again today. Yesterday they had problems on the same set, and here you go again; more problems. 

You were about to answer him when you heard Misha yell from somewhere behind you. 

“Y/N DUCK!!” 

That’s just what you did, you didn’t even hesitate, you just hit the ground like shots where being fired. About the time you hit the ground Jared threw a whipped cream pie at the back of your head, which was now all over Jensen. Because you had ducked, he caught it right in the face. 

You looked up at Jensen from the ground. His face was livid! 

Reaching up with one hand Jensen wiped most the cream off of his face, slinging it to the ground next to him.

“You know Y/N, I hope you grow up a hell of a lot before you try and actually get a professional role somewhere that’s not a sitcom.” 

With that he turned on his heels, and stalked off towards his trailer to try and clean off some of the damage. Jared and Misha were rolling, but you on the other hand, you didn’t think that one was so funny. 

That one stung. It stung a lot. You knew you could act a little childish maybe, but you were just having fun, and you didn’t like the fact that it made Jensen think so little of you that he would say something like that. 

You picked yourself up off the ground, and make your way over to the waiting area they had set up for the rest of your crew members, your eyes stinging as you tired to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

Thirty minutes later Jensen stood before you completely cleaned up, and in full “Dean mode.” 

They had “fixed” the lighting issue by basically tying up the lights on a big metal pool. It wasn’t really a fix, but it was hopeful that it would be enough to get this one shot done between Dean and Sarah. That’s what mattered today, so that was everyone’s main focus. 

You kept watching it though, because you couldn’t tell if it was your eyes playing tricks on you, or if it was really moving, but you could have sworn the damn thing kept swaying like it was about to fall, and the biggest problem with that was Jensen was standing right under it, and if it falls it would literally crush his skull.

“Sarah, you can’t keep being so reckless! You can’t keep throwing yourself under the line of fire to save me!” Dean yelled at Sarah. 

Before you could get your lines out it happened. The wires holding up the pool snapped, and you pushed Jensen out of the way as hard as you could shoving him back just before the pool and the lights came crashing down to the ground, throwing glass everywhere, and scratching your hand pretty badly. You didn’t care though, you got him out of the way, that’s all you cared about.

“Y/N! Oh my god are you okay?” Jared yelled from his seat next to the director.

Jared came running onto set, jumping over the mess on the ground with his overly long legs. Jensen stood there in momentary shock before his feet would move, his mouth hanging open as he stared at the pole that had almost crushed him. 

There were people everywhere it felt like all at once. People checking Jensen to make sure the lead actor was unharmed, trying to figure out how it all happened, people rushing to clean up the mess, and usher everyone away from it.

Jensen pushed them off of him, and grabbed your hand that was bleeding. 

“Fuck sweetheart, that could have killed both of us!” Jensen said, checking over the rest of you, he looked mildly panicked, which was odd compared to the annoyed look he usually gave you.

“Well I’m fine, It’s just as scratch. If that thing would have hit you though it would have killed you.” 

“Come on, let’s get you to the medical trailer and see about your hand.” Jensen said, shoving off your comment, more concerned with the fact that you were bleeding than the fact his head almost got knocked in the head by a big ass pole.

The crew decided that close call was enough for today, and after your hand was cleaned, stitched, and wrapped up you were ready to get the hell away from there just like everyone else. Jared had gone with you to the medical trailer, and Jensen refused to leave your side either, holding our hand the whole time they put in the three little stitches. 

He was now following you to your car, carrying your gym bag for you, refusing to let you walk alone, and trying to talk you into letting him drive you home.

“Come on Y/N, it’s gonna be hard to drive with your hand wrapped up like that. Let me drive you home, and Clif and Jared can follow me in Clif’s SUV to bring me home once I make sure you get there safely.”

“I’m fine Jensen, really I am, I only live five miles from here, I think I can manage. Go home, you’ve had a long day too. I accidently got you pied in the face, and you almost died a little bit ago.”

Ignoring his third try at getting you to ride home with him, you get into your car, atching him sit your bag into the back seat.

Jensen raised his hand stopping you from talking. 

“About that, Y/N, I’m sorry, but I’ve been a total and complete ass. You’re not childish, I’m just a grumpy old man who needs to learn how to take a damn joke. I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you; you didn’t deserve it. Let me take you out to dinner and a movie to make it up to you. Just as friends, me and you. What do you say?”

You couldn’t deny your heart skipped a beat when he asked you out to dinner and a movie. You loved Jensen like a brother, but you weren’t blind either. The man was insanely attractive. 

“You don’t have to do that Jensen, really,” you say to him, not sure why you were trying to get out of a date with Jensen, even if it was just as friends. Were you stupid or something? Maybe you got hit in the head and didn’t know it?

“I want to, please,” he said, giving you puppy dog eyes that would have made Sam Winchester jealous and you just couldn’t say no.

“Fine, okay, I’ll go with you,” you tell him. 

“Good, It’s a date then, I’ll be around tomorrow night to pick you about 6,” he said before strutting off toward the Clif’s SUV, satisfied that he’d talked you into going out with him. 

You on the other hand couldn’t stop shaking your head and grinning like an idiot.

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6 PM rolled around quicker than you expected and you found yourself pacing your apartment waiting on Jensen to show up and half expecting that he would just stand you up. You never were really his favorite person, and you were sure he had a lot better things to do than take you out for dinner and a movie, but here you were, waiting anyway. 

True to his word Jensen showed up at 6 pm exactly, and you were off to the movies. After watching Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey he took you to a little italian restaurant that wasn’t far from the cinema, ordering you both a glass of wine, even though really you were too young to drink.

His exact words were though, “I did a lot worse at 18 than have a few glasses of wine, and it’s not like you are driving yourself home anyways.”

The conversation flowed easier between you than you would have expected. 

You talked about everything and anything. Jensen growing up in Texas, family stuff, sibling issues, what movies and stuff you liked, what you wanted to do with your career. 

Before long you started to feel the effects of the wine. Not having remembered that you had taken something for the pain in your hand before leaving for your date, the wine was having a greater effect on you than it normally would have, and before long you were slurring your words and flirting with Jensen. 

“You know your pretty right? You have a pretty face,” you tell him with a giggle and he smiles at you.

“Sweetheart, you know I’m old enough to be your dad, and I think you’ve had enough to drink,” he said, taking your wine glass gently from your good hand.

You laugh at him, and the fact that he seemed more amused than he wanted to let on.

“Okay, maybe I’m a little drunk, because I forgot I had taken something for pain before you came and got me tonight, so yea... My bad... But you still have a pretty face, and I don’t care that your old enough to be my dad, I’ll just call you daddy then. I’m legal damn it!” 

Jensen laughed loudly at you, throwing his head back in one of those beautiful whole body laughs that you loved so much. 

“Come on, let’s get you home so you can sleep it off before you start throwing up or pass out on me.” 

With that Jensen loaded you up in his car, and you were out before you even made it back home. 

Jensen carried you into your apartment, and laid you down in your bed before getting a glass of water and putting it by your bed, along with a trash can and some tylenol for in the morning, because he knew from experience that wine hangovers came with pretty bad headaches. 

Just as he was making himself comfortable on the couch for the night his phone went off in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw it was Jared, checking on how the date was going. 

Jensen briefly gave him a summary of how your date went, and also your current state. 

Jared offered to come and help him with you, but he didn’t want help, he wanted to take care of you himself. 

Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he cared about you, deeper than he probably should have, and if he was lucky; this could be the start of something special, even if you didn’t know it yet..

Here he was thinking you were too childish... Looks like the joke was on him. He was the one being childish, running from his feelings….

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​

[omg-wakandaforever]

Kyra Ward

Hey guys, this is my first FanFiction story, I hope you like it

Also, english is not my mother language so... if you find any mistakes, please please please let me know about it, I'm learning

I really enjoyed writing this story so I hope you enjoy it too by reading it ❤️❤️

*if you could repost it so other people can read it too, it would be great and I would be really grateful

thankssssss

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Kyra Ward is an ex Hydra trained assassin. She works for Fury himself nowadays in Shield as an agent.

It´s been two years since she got out of Hydra´s hands, but as they say, nothing good lasts...

CHAPTER ONE

I was walking down the hallway to my room. I needed some time alone, I’ve been seeing things that I hope that’s only my own head messing with me. Hydra can’t be in Shield, it’s impossible. That guy yesterday must have been new, that’s why he was reading my file. But, well, although that was suspicious that was not the thing that made me suspect that something wasn’t right. The fact that he had the name “Darren Smith” on his card was what woke some kind of alert in me. 

Agent Smith died three years ago in London. I killed him because I needed something from a Shield facility located there. He was the hardest to kill though, not only physically but also emotionally, because for half a second he made me come back to myself, he reminded me of someone special, that’s why I remember his name. I never really knew what was the thing I was stealing, I simply did it because Hydra told me to. That’s what I’m trained for, to follow Hydra’s orders, or at least I was. Thanks to Nick Fury I’m out and I’ve been working for him since then, that must be two years by now, maybe a little less, I don't really know, but the thing that I actually can't forget is that I ow him so much.

When I was about to reach the handle of my room’s door, I hear Chuck through the intercom, he needed my help at the lab with something. 

I met Chuck the first day I arrived at Shield. He helped through all the process of bringing myself out again. He has been my friend since day one, I didn't knew it at the time but whatever, he's, after Fury himself, the only person I truly trust. He has been there, always, supporting me in everything I had to go trough, including nightmares, panic attacks and depression. He also tried his best in helping me with my trust issues by taking me to his house to meet his family, to dinner to meet his friends, but… being honest… nothing helped. I simply can’t trust anyone, it’s hard. I try to do it though, but the fear and mistrust that Hydra put inside me is still there.

I decided to head for the lab and I not pay attention to my suspicions about this Darren Guy. I cannot trust my own mind yet, I must have read the name wrong or maybe Darren Smith wasn’t the guy back at London, maybe I messed with the name, after all HYDRA wiped me after that mission. The rooms are in the sub-level so I had to take the elevator to reach the second floor where the lab was. I couldn’t imagine why Chuck needed me, specially in the lab. I know nothing about science and that stuff, but whatever. When the elevator doors open the first thing I see is his red hair and his back. He was doing something on his desk, but the moment I stepped out at least 4 agents came running to me, holding me and I was able to see 3 more pointing their guns at me and one of them was this dude with the “Darren Smith” card. 

What’s going on.

Chuck heard all the noise behind him so he slowly turned to face me, with a little smirk on his face that sent shivers down my spine. 

What the fuck. What the actual fuck is going on.

-Hey Kyra

Hey Kyra? What?

-Chuck would you be so nice to explain why four agents are holding me and three more pointing their guns at my head from the other side of the room? - I said, with my best poker face

-Sorry about all this- Chuck simply replied moving his index finger in a circle shape referring to the current situation, like it was something normal to happen.-but we're working.

In that moment I could swear that they could hear my brain thinking hard. Actually, there wasn't much to think about. If you connected the dots, you could have a clear idea of what was going on, but I didn't wanted to believe it. Maybe it´s part of my training, maybe it´s some kind of a test to prove myself, to prove the others that I could beat anything. Or maybe it was a joke, maybe they would all start laughing I would tell them that it was a really bad one, and that they didn't scared me, not even a little, although we all now that I'm shitting because if Chuck is actually what I think he is, this is not gonna end well.

-Kyra, relax, this is nothing to be worried about. We just want to take you home.

-Wait, Wha… What are you talking about. You know I don’t have a home-I replied looking around to see if anyone would make a facial expression that would give them away.

-Oh, yes you have- he said while raising his right hand just a little so I could see what was he holding. 

The notebook. 

That fucking red notebook. 

I had an urge to cry that I never had before. My worst nightmare was becoming real. I was going to become a monster again.

With watery eyes I looked from the notebook to him -I shouldn't have trust you, you piece of shit- I said while trying to free myself.

All my fears where about to come true, I knew they where going to take me and I couldn’t do anything about it. The lab was locked, the curtains where down and everyone knew better than to enter when those things where like that, because that meant that someone was doing something dangerous inside. 

-Wow, you’ll need to relearn some manners soldat- he said before connecting his fist with my cheek, making me stumble and if it wasn't for the people holding me still I would've fallen straight to the floor. He made a little cut on it. I could feel the blood dripping from the wound.

He started walking across the lab explaining my punishment for running away and not completing my last mission, once I got to the Hydra facility. That last Mission being returning to the Shield's facility that I mentioned before to recover… what am I talking about, to kill some agents that had been captured, to reassure that nothing was going to leak from their mouths. But, that's where Fury appears and gives me a hell of an anesthesia injection that makes me sleep for two days straight. I don't even know how he managed to do that, I was so aware of my surroundings, or, well, I though I was. Returning to reality, I was so confused, scared and drifted in my thoughts that I hadn’t notice that I had my ticket to get out of there right in front of me until Chuck mentioned it. He had a bomb on the desk. It wasn’t a huge one but it would cause the right amount of damage to distract everyone and take me, but I could use it to my own benefits. 

I spotted a broom lying on the floor so I pushed with my feet from one end and the other hit the desk where the device was, making it move sharply letting the bomb fall into the floor ending the hole scene in an explosion which sent me flying through the main glass window and landing backwards on top of the desks of the first floor, where all the navigation computers where. Accustomed to those types of situations I got up quickly feeling a lot of pain on my back but the adrenaline and my assassin side didn’t let that stop me. I yelled, warning everybody what was going on and before the hydra agents that felt too could react and start shooting, Maria Hill shot them on their legs and took away all their weapons, she then looked at me and nodded her head telling me that she had it all under control so I started running. From the halls I could hear shots but I was looking for Fury and I knew exactly where he was.

I ran like my life depended on that, well literally it was, if Hydra caught me again I could say goodbye to everything because they where going to really break me after what happened last time. I hadn't completed my mission and returned to them. That was the worse thing I could've ever done.

Finally I reached the room I was looking for. It was a new one, made for situations like this, to aisle important people so they didn’t get hurt in a fight. They called it the Bubble. On the inside it looked like an office so Fury used it for important meetings too, and by important meetings I mean talking to The Avengers.

Without hesitation I tapped the code on the wall and opened the door making a loud noise. 

-Fury there was a leak, and it was not me this time- I said while leaning on the door for support to recover my breath from the run, totally ignoring the other people inside. Automatically after saying this, Fury pulled out his gun and aimed it at my injured face. I raised my hands and didn’t say a thing.

-Fury, God what are you doing?!- Steve Rogers said standing up.

-Rogers, not the time- he simply replied..

-Fury put the gun down, she’s, what, fifteen? - The famous Tony Stark said, while trying to reason with Fury. - Why is she even here?!

-Stand down Stark, she’s seventeen and dangerous.

-I’m me, I swear- I said never breaking eye contact with him and totally ignoring the others.

-You said that last time, I believed you and we both know pretty damn well how that ended- The Shield’s director replied. - Prove it 

-Darren Smith. Remember I told you about him?

-What did you exactly told me?- Fury asked very slowly remarking the word exactly.

-I found about his daughter. I sent her his patch last month.

-Good - he said while lowering his gun and placing it in the table. -Tell me who -

-Chuck- I said simply and blankly 

-That son of a bitch, I knew he was too good to be real.

-He wants to take me.

-All right, this should be easy since we have all these guys over here. -he said while pointing at the Avengers- Okay people, I need everyone searching for bad cops in this beautiful ship, but we need…

-Fury. They have the notebook- I interrupted himFury, who was leaning in the desk, stood up straight taking a deep breath. He then closed the door and said 

-Then you need to stay here.

-What? No way, you’re all dead without me.

-I’m sorry, but... what notebook are you talking about? -Bucky said. He was leaning on the wall until I mentioned the object. He stood up and automatically unfolded his arms and stood rigid waiting for an answer. I didn’t realized he was there until he spoke. Actually I didn’t knew which Avengers were present since the only person I was interested in talking was Fury, but Barnes was here, the last person I wanted to see at this very moment.

-You brought him too?- I asked Fury amused and angry at the same time.

-Yes, I needed him to..

-You realize you’re dead right? You’re all dead. If they get any of us this ship will be in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean in less than 30 minutes... Fury what the hell were you thinking of?

-Kyra I need you to listen to..

-You were Hydra - Bucky said referring to me, eyeing my gloved hand. Everyone did the same the moment he mentioned it. I notice this and automatically raise my left arm and take off my glove and instead of a normal hand, there was a metal one. 

-What’s this Fury? -Steve asked with his eyebrows nearly touching each other in the middle of his frown.

-You never told us -Natasha said..

While everyone started demanding answers from the pirate, Bucky didn’t say anything, he just stood there looking at me with a sad face mixed with pain and pity. He was also trying to remember me, but we never met. We were on different Hydra bases, and although we both were the bests in our jobs, we never were on the same mission, not once. Maybe it was because of the difference of age and fight styles. He was more known to punch his way out of the situations. I wasn’t that type of soldier. I was cunning and I only used force when absolutely needed because if it isn’t then it’s a waste of energy. But for more rough times I had my metal arm to help me. They implanted it on me because they wanted me to become like Soldat 31. They wanted me to be like Barnes.

I looked at him with a blank expression, making eye contact for a couple of seconds and then I turned around to avoid seeing his pity towards me because I couldn’t stand it anymore so I stood there, waiting for Fury’s orders, but I could feel his eyes were still on me. People always look at me with sad eyes because of what I suffered, but they pity me because I’m not an adult or someone relatively old to, according to them, understand what I’ve been through, but let me tell you that I know better than anybody else what is like to be in Hydra. Believe me. Having seventeen doesn’t change anything. Yes, I’m seventeen, so what? I’m sure I’m even more mature than everyone of the people in this room. 

While everybody was arguing I simply stood there gazing Fury, with my usual blank expression. If someone had noticed me waiting there, they would’ve though I was listening to what they were talking, but the last thing I was doing was listening. Actually my head was a mile per second recapping the last hour events. Chuck had betrayed us, and I though he was my friend, but no, he was everything except that. He was Hydra goddamit. He was Hydra since the day one. He was here to watch my every step. He had everything figured out to take me. And that Darren Smith guy, I should’ve trusted my instincts, after all I was trained to follow it, and by doing that I’m still here. Stupid. I cannot believe it. He was ready to take me back to that place. If I hadn’t found a way out I... fuck. Then I though of the bomb, what if there’s another one hidden somewhere in the hellicarrier? Well, I'm not returning to Hydra's hands, I rather die, so, in that case, if I’m gonna die, I will make sure he dies here with me. He’s gonna regret everything. I swear he’s gonna be so fucking dead when I find him. I’m done with Hydra.

With not a second though and really not caring much about the people in the room, and since everything was the same as when I drifted of into my thoughts, I cleaned the blood from my left cheek with the back of my right hand, I pulled out my gun and grabbed Fury’s from the table, and started to put the code to get the door open.

-Agent Ward what do you think you’re doing?- Fury said.

-I’m not going there again- I said in a low voice, more to myself than to him *and he´s not getting away without feeling anything of what he has done to me* I though, and with that I opened the door with lots of strength because of the anger rising inside myself, making a loud noise and I walked out of the Bubble with determination. He’s gonna regret it. He’s going to suffer and he’s gonna regret it all.

*3rd person*

-We should go help her- Natasha finally said getting her gun out of the holster.

-She is not only killing him- Loki said while taking his daggers out and walking out of the room.

-How do you eveN KNOW THAT?!- Fury asked raising his voice as he saw the trickster heading down the corridor following Kyra.

-She was thinking too loud- Wanda simply replied for Loki, and after conjuring her usual red mist in her hands, she turned to Bucky -You need something, anything, you call me, in your head, I’ll be listening. Bucky was frozen, but managed to nod anyway. She’s seventeen. She’s too young to be messed up in this shit. Why would Hydra even want her. How many year has she been with them anyway. Maybe she isn’t like me. Maybe she was one of the scientists in there. But she was dressed as an agent and she had a metal arm too so what the fuck is really going on. Also she mentioned the notebook, so she has trigger words. Her’s are the same as mine? What if Hydra knows that I’m here. What would happen to everybody? Well, technically quoting Kyra, this ship would be in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean in less that 30 minutes. Shit. She’s seventeen, what the hell. I really thought that Hydra couldn’t get that low training teenagers. What am I talking about? They don’t train us, they torture us, they brainwash us, they kill us from the inside. Kyra needs my help, well I don’t really know that, Fury said she was dangerous and she had a metal arm so… also she said that this time, the leak, wasn’t her, so that means that she was some time ago a Hydra soldier undercover in Shield, or...

-Hey, you okay?- Steve asked his best friend bringing him back to reality and out of his thoughts. He lifted his gaze from the ground realizing that he and Steve were the only ones left in the room.

-Y-Yeah

-Listen, I really need to go out there and help fight. If you don’t wanna come I’m sure everybody would really under...

-No, I’m going too. I just can’t believe that she was with Hydra. She’s seventeen Steve. Seventeen.

-Yeah, I know, but the best thing is being for and with her. That means fighting today and being there after this is all over.- He then placed his left hand in Bucky’s shoulder to let him know that they were there for Kyra and for him too, because he knew his best friend pretty well, and could tell that since the mention of the red notebook he started thinking of all the possible outcomes if he was captured becoming rigid as hell. -She’s gonna be okay, both of you. We are together till the end of the line pal

Bucky found his way to Steve’s eyes and without any warning he hugged him, pretty hard you could say, but it was something they both needed and wanted but neither of them said it out loud ever.

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 8/6/2022

It’s been 3 weeks. 

It’s honestly still hard to believe. Part of me still doesn’t want to believe it, even though I do know it’s real. 

Since I am finally tapering off from the terrible COVID that I had, I was able to go out and do more stuff today. I am pretty sure I have had Public Square everyday for the last 2 weeks. I also have had burger lounge 5 times in the last 7 days #noshameinthegame. The fact that I am eating as much as I have been has been a victory in itself. I want to try and reintroduce some foods back into my diet, but my stomach is still pretty messed up from all of the stress, etc. This situation has really exasperated all of the the issues I was already having. 

I went to Logan’s soccer game, they won! It was nice because (no offense) they usually tie or lose. A win for Logan feels like a win for me! I also went to Brianna’s campaign event today. It was such a great showing! There had to have been 30+ people. I ended up having to bring the Roland amp down there for them to use (with my battery pack) because her speaker stopped working. I was glad that I was able to easily roll that thing down for them to use. Actually, easy is not the word I would use if I am referencing carrying that thing myself down a long staircase. Otherwise though, usually manageable. The evening consisted of SCHS XC! The time trial today was actually initially scheduled for the morning, but there was a conflict so we decided to move it to the evening. Honestly this worked out better as it really cooled off by the time we had them race. It went very well, I will spare most of the logistics and details. What I will say is that I was very excited about the bibs, winning medals, beverages, and snacks that I had brought. The boys were excited too. They ended up taking a lot of the stuff I had brought, which is good. 

In the middle of the day in between all of this, I did decide to meet up with my buddy Will up the street at Moze Guitars. I figured it would be nice to see him and catch up a but since he was in the area (literally this store is walking distance and I can see it from my apartment). Anyway, I got there and he showed me the super nice Gibson that he was making payments on and “visiting” each time he stopped by to pay it down. In front of me was a beautiful sea foam electric guitar. I have honestly been wanting my own special electric, but I had never bought one. I still have yours that I play, but I wanted to get something that was unique. Kind of like my life........ #thestruggle

So, I was looking around at all of the guitars in the shop, and suddenly saw this beautiful green, pink, and silver paisley designed guitar. As soon as it caught my eye I knew I wanted to take it home with me. This was the true definition of “treat yo self”. I ended up putting money down on it to reserve it as mine. I know you would have loved this moment. You would have been so excited for me. 

I think about that a lot actually. I think about all the things I do on a daily basis that you would always be there for. You’d root for me to just get through the day sometimes. Sometimes you wouldn’t say much, but you’d just listen, and that said / meant everything to me. I love you so much for that. I miss you so much. 

I am not sure if I had mentioned this, but I started to learn “Mad World” on the piano, and I think it sounds pretty good so far if I do say so myself. I have been playing the intro part at least once a day, and want to learn the entire song. It was your favorite song to play. It brings me to tears to play it, but I think it’s cathartic. I also listened to our recording of us singing that song last night. July 19th, 2020 we sat on your porch in La Jolla and sang it together. Feels like yesterday, but forever ago. We always talked about singing together more, and I am so sad that we never well. 

Time is passing, but the pain is still very much here. I am sure it will be forever.  Loving you, always. 

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols. 

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[nny11writes]

Passing- AKA the College AU/Fake Relationship AU 3

Previous

Ahsoka slumped down in her seat, letting her butt slide to the edge of the booth and jamming her knees ruefully into Anakin’s hip. “That’s not real advice Skyguy!”

Anakin glared at her over the dregs of his milkshake. “It is, in fact real advice Snips! Just actually ask her out and see what shakes out.”

Ahsoka crossed her arms and pouted as she grumbled, “Dude she said fake dating. That’s actual dating, like, having to actually be a couple. She doesn’t want that.”

“How do you know?” Anakin asked before taking one last, annoying slurp out of his drink. “Maybe she’s into you.”

“If she’s into me, why didn’t she ask me out instead of asking if I’d be her shaker?” Ahsoka pushed her knees harder into his hip and earned a stinging slap on them for the effort.

The droid server paused at their table, it’s optics flashing a few warnings at their antics. Anakin smiled brightly at it until it rolled along to the next table. Then he glared at her as if she was the one being difficult. The gall!

Anakin hissed at her, pointing at her even as he fumbled for his credit chit. “I don’t care what the hell a shaker is, but have you considered that she’s a nerdy, socially inept, shut in?”

“She’s not a shut in!” Ahsoka managed to not wince as she picked the hardest thing to defend. Barriss was a brilliant, well liked, and well behaved person. She was also something of a shut in.

Anakin smirked at her as he asked, “Oh really? When’s the last time she went out for fun?”

“Yesterday,” she said while mentally patting herself on the back.  It wasn’t even a lie!

“...was this a solo outing to the library?”

Ahsoka opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to explain that it still counted.

“Ha!” Anakin crowed as he dragged her up out of the booth. “She’s a loser Snips, and if you want to date her then you need to ask her out.”

Ugh, that was sensible and sounded like a responsible thing to do. Ahsoka would literally rather contradict Dr. Nu in galactic history than force Barriss to awkwardly shoot her down. In thanks for her best friend paying for her lunch, Ahsoka flopped half boneless onto him and whined. Anakin was thankfully closer to her height than most of her friends, otherwise she would have happily thrown them both onto the floor of the SUB via melodramatic faint. When Anakin’s response was to grunt and drag her along Ahsoka whined even more pitifully, adding in a faint distressed trilling.

“That has never worked in your life.” Anakin groused as he elbowed her.

“Ow! Skyguy, I am already emotionally vulnerable, you don’t need to add tenderized.”

Anakin held the door open for her before cutting off a group of ithorians to follow her outside. “Don’t lie. Emotionally vulnerable is what you’ll be after Obi-Wan’s test today. Besides what’s the worst that can happen, she’s not Lux.”

Ahsoka felt zero remorse for punching the back of his head. “Leave Lux alone! He meant well.”

“Lux,” Anakin growled as he unlocked his speeder bike and rubbing furiously at the lump on his head, “was a barve.”

The problem with Anakin was that he was all for Ahsoka exploring her romantic feelings until she was dating someone. Then whoever it was just instantly got on his shit list for no apparent reason. Another good reason to not ask Barriss out actually. “Lux is not an asshole. He’s, Lux is five tooka cats in a tailored greatcoat.”

Anakin glared at her before jamming his helmet on. His voice crackling as the modifier kicked in, giving him a ridiculous deep voice. He claimed it was to get out of speeding tickets. Ahsoka would argue that CSF had never been able to catch him to issue a ticket, and that Anakin was a drama king.

“Lux,” his stupid deep voice came out, “ditched you at every opportunity and then broke up through message. He was most disappointing and it is unfortunate I did not see him before he returned to Onderon. Lessons could have been learned.”

“Alright, well as soon as you stop pretending you’re scarier than you are, and remember how to not be a schutta we can talk.” Ahsoka was done with his bantha fodder.

Anakin’s voice followed her for a moment before she ducked into the lunchtime crowds. “Rude!”

Ahsoka weaved through the crowd, slipping through every gap she could to put a little space between her and her stupid friend. As soon as she hit the crossroads, Ahsoka made her way off the main paths. She needed to think, or clear her head, or something. There was no way she’d be able to concentrate and hopefully pass Obi-Wan’s exam like this. Ahsoka needed to focus on the political fallout from the Ruusan Reformations, and not on the way her heart had fluttered when Barriss had leaned into her for support during the holocall. Her heart did another two step at the memory. Barriss isn’t a touchy feely person and she was totally leaning into you and flopped all over you. Ahsoka could feel that stupid smile growing on her face again. She wants to fake date you through the holidays!

Wow, of all the pathetic things to get this excited over, giving someone else a cover story for a few months was one of the most pathetic she could think of.

Still.

Ahsoka huffed and rubbed the back of her head. Ruusan Reformations. Grade. For class. Important!

Would it have killed Anakin to just agree that she was wasting her time and shoot her down gently before she ruined her friendship with Barriss? Maybe she should have cancelled and had lunch with Kalifa. Kalifa was always good for reality checks.

Or call Padme and get better relationship advice. Ahsoka rolled her eyes as she ducked into the PoliSci building. She needed to stop herself, or pay someone to follow her around with a water bottle to spray her every few minutes. She managed to focus on that image until cramming herself into one of the tiny desks in the lecture hall. Any other class and she would have luxuriated in the over sized seats for larger students, but there was a wookie in this class and Ahsoka valued having both arms attached thank you. Adjusting herself around until her thighs didn’t feel like they’d snap from the pressure Ahsoka pulled out her datapad and pulled up her notes.

She even managed to focus on them for a whole five minutes before catching the reflection of a mirialan in her screen. He even had diamond tattoos, but she felt they suited Barriss’s face better. UGH! I am such a laserbrain!

Ahsoka crumpled over into a stupid lump and lightly smacked her forehead onto the desk a few times. “Calm down Tano.”

“I do not know why, but yes. You should calm down.” O-Mer smiled softly at her as Ahsoka twisted to look up at him. “Perhaps you can start by sitting up properly? Increased air flow and less back pain.”

She grumbled as she straightened up and twisted to let him slide into her row. “I’ve got twice as many vertebrae.”

“Yes, but they can still hurt.” O-Mer nodded sagely, the beads threaded into his braided hair clicked softly against one another with the motion. “There is no need to worry about this exam Ahsoka, Professor Kenobi lets you drop your lowest score.”

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and glared at him. “I’m not worried about the exam. Mostly. It’s personal.”

He looked thoughtful even as he turned to study his own notes. Kriffing cereans and their kriffing politeness! She kind of wanted him to ask? But not really? Ugh. Ahsoka had barely begun to stew when she suddenly remembered that O-Mer literally had three girlfriends.

“It’s girl trouble actually.” Ahsoka tried to keep herself composed.

Two sunflower yellow eyes locked onto hers with pure sympathy radiating from them in nearly visible waves. “Oh, I am sorry to hear it. Did Barriss turn you down?”

Ahsoka spluttered, “N-no! That’s not-who said anything about Barriss?”

“She is practically the only person you speak of.” O-Mer had the grace to not laugh in her face.

The nerve!

Lekku twitching with indignation, Ahsoka huffed, “I’ll have you know that I speak of many people. Like, uh, Anakin, and Kalifa...and uhm, Riyo? Anyways! No, she didn’t turn me down! I’ll have you know she asked me out actually!”

Her brain caught up just in time to laugh at her, while O-Mer smiled in confusion.

Kriff.

“I just didn’t expect it? And-I said yes of course, I’m not stupid ok, but, like, you know?” What in the actual ten corellian hells was she trying to say?

“I cannot say that I do, but congratulations.”

“Yeah congrats! What are we celebrating?” Jinx half flopped on his boyfriend from the row behind them startling Ahsoka half to death.

So much for predator instincts!

“Barriss asked her out and Ahsoka said yes.” O-Mer provided, unhelpfully spreading the lie that Ahsoka had blurted out.

Jinx looked between them suspiciously while Ahsoka hunched in on herself. “So why do you look like death? Cute girl said yes, or, well, you know what I meant.”

Caught between an earnest romantic sop and his cute asshole boyfriend, Ahsoka knew she was in too deep. This was over her head. Fess up time. “I don’t know what to do because-”

“Take her to the gardens, I mean it’s a cliche first date but probably more her speed than  watching illegal pod races.” Jinx cut her off with a shrug, “It’s not that hard honestly. You overthink everything.” O-Mer half  lifted his hand, as if this was some sort of deranged class question than an unasked for bit of advice. “I heard the fine arts building is having an opening for Twi’Lek golden age tapestries. Those are both beautiful to behold and erotic.”

“Hot.” Jinx said with a wink and a set of finger blasters.

If death would like to just take her now, Ahsoka would welcome it.

“Alright everyone, please put away your notes. Bags under your seats and hats off as you can.” Obi-Wan called out, smiling as he made eye contact with her.

Not what she’d meant but Ahsoka hadn’t exactly been specific with her prayer.

It took more willpower than she’d expected to stop envisioning the tapestries and her fool ass trying to justify why this was a Mature and Sophisticated date. Ten minutes in Ahsoka decided that the gardens was a much better hypothetical choice for all parties involved and shortly after was engrossed in her paper.

[daneeeeka]

These past 24 hours have had me in a state of shock.. Gonna just vent it all out to get it over with and move past this bs.

It really amazes me how selfish and self-centered some people are.. You think you know someone and then they show you their true colors lol. You’re the person that goes above and beyond for them for YEARS and then when they suddenly feel better and find people more similar to their preferred lifestyle, they throw you under the bus. Lol I truly find it ironic how you can do so much for someone for so long and they never appreciate it. To say I’m shocked would be an understatement, but our friends say they were not surprised because this is the type of person you are. I wish they told me earlier and I don’t know why I never saw it, but I’m glad you finally showed me, otherwise years down the road, it would have just hurt more. I am in a period of my life where I am working towards my future.. all of us are making strides and trying to better ourselves and open up our career opportunities. You, on the other hand, are the type to focus on your present happiness. You want to party and have fun, and while that’s fine for a time, you don’t want to be spending the rest of your peak years doing that, do you? Your new friends are in their mid-twenties and not doing anything about their careers. You guys go out and party and mess around every other day. What will amount from that? What kind of progress will you be making by hanging out with these types of people? 

Anyways that’s none of my business. My business is me. And you have made me feel angry, hurt, doubtful. You made me question my value as a friend. I’m really glad I have the others here for me, to reassure me that the things you said were untrue and spoken out of emotional lunacy. I know that I am a great friend and that I have done so much good in the lives of others. You made me feel so undervalued. You made me feel as if my feelings weren’t as important as yours. Where the others always thanked me for the things I do for them, you never truly appreciated me.. I see that now. All those times I’ve been there for you.. literally doing MILES more than anyone ever has or ever will do.. you’ve taken me for granted. I gave and gave and you just kept taking and taking. When have you ever given back to me? I was always the one picking you up, making you feel better, supporting you, encouraging you. Friendship is a balance between give-and-take, and all you did was take. 

I know down the road you will eventually realize that you made a mistake and you will regret treating me this way. Even my own friends who barely knew you told me that they could see how much I do for you. I guess everyone could see it except you. Where were your new bffs when you were torn apart, crying all those nights? Where were they when you were heartbroken and lost? They were like “oh so sorry.. let’s go out and have fun so you can forget about it” but did they ever take you into their home and tuck you into their bed when you showed up high and crying at 2am? Did they ever stay on the phone with you for hours while you were drunk and bawling your eyes out? Did they ever volunteer to pick you up when you were stranded on the streets? Did they ever encourage you to study and work towards your future and pursue your dream school despite the odds? Do they even do anything except invite you out to have fun & drink and let you complain about your love life? Who was there all those times you were at rock bottom? Now you’re better and they wanna hang out with you more. Coincidence? That’s because friends like that only want you during the good. Real, true friends have been with you there the entire time, thru the good times and the bad times. And you may have attacked specifically me, but we all agree that it was an attack on all of us. If you hang out with them in the future, I hope you know in the back of your mind that even though they don’t explicitly say it, you’ve broken their trust too. You attacking and hurting me opened their eyes as well. You only cared about how you felt and not how your actions have affected all of us. You were inconsiderate towards everyone but yourself. 

You are a hypocrite. Saying we shouldn’t do this and that when we all agree that you were the biggest culprit. Suddenly it minutely involves your new homegirl and you make a 180? lol truly hypocritical and you know it. You turn around and say all these nasty things about me. At first, I wasn’t even going to bother replying. But then you continued to try to provoke me so I took some time to think about it and gave you a response. I pointed out the flaw in your logic and told you the straight up truth. I still treated you like an adult. I still showed you respect, but you reacted irrationally. You couldn’t handle it because you knew you were wrong. You decided to remove yourself, and you know what? That’s fine. Like I told you yesterday, I don’t have time for this kind of immaturity. If you want to handle your problems by being shady and starting drama like high schoolers, that’s on you. But I have so much more going for me rn and I don’t need to spend time chasing after people who don’t appreciate me. Speaking of the truth, you say you started having bad feelings for me since a couple months ago. In between that time and now, we have hung out alone multiple times and have had talks where we told each other how much we appreciated that our friendship is strong enough that we could always be honest with each other if we ever had issues with the other person. Everyone that knows me that I am honest, probably to a fault. But what comes along with honesty is that I am always straight up with other people and am willing to talk thru any misunderstandings and come up with a compromise. You pulling that shit yesterday basically proved that you are fake, if what you said is actually true. You were fake this whole time and thru all those conversations we had with each other.. Yesterday, you said we don’t really know each other after all. You’re right. I didn’t know you. I never ever thought you would turn out to be so fake, two-faced, and hypocritical. Narcissistic, stubborn, and emotional, yes. I knew all of these but nobody is perfect. Friends accept you for who you are. These things I could see past because I loved you and cared about you. But I never thought you would turn out to be this cruel. 

I honestly wonder if you will ever take a step back and reflect on your actions. Will you ever be able to mature emotionally and recognize the things you’ve done and their consequences? Or will you continue to run to friends and let them validate you, despite you being wrong. This is a mistake our friends and I have been making.. and now it has turned around and bitten us. We agree that we cannot make someone learn if they do not want to learn. You never truly wanted to learn your lessons. That’s why you continued to go thru the same problems with the same people over and over and over again. We realize now that we babied you for far too long and now you’ve become used to this type of behavior. We made a mistake, but we will learn from it. Will you?

What bothered me the most wasn’t that you were a hypocrite or that you said nasty, irrelevant things about me. I guess what hurt was knowing that you took me for granted all these years. All these years I’ve spent giving you my friendship, support, loyalty.. and you throw it away for these new “friends.” I introduced you to this girl.. you’ve seen the damage she has caused our other friend, and you still choose to defend her despite it all. Now I never really said much about you staying friends with bad people (not just her, but the other guy too) because you can choose whoever you wanna be friends with. But to choose them over someone who has been there for you since day 1 thru literally everything.. wow. priorities.

You say I talked about you behind your back, but who would I have even talked to? I don’t talk much to any of your friends, much less about you. The only people to whom I’ve even said your name are our friends, and they know that despite everything you do, I’ve always tried to be supportive, despite not completely condoning your behavior. You tried to manipulate our friends by texting them individually and saying bad things about me. Who is the real person talking badly behind the other’s back now? I’m glad they told me.. and I’m glad they knew better. That is so vindictive of you, trying to make our friends feel bad for you and make me look like the bad guy. I will never ever make them choose sides but I’m SO fucking thankful they are mature enough to realize what is morally right and wrong in this situation. I’m so thankful that they appreciate me and are honest with me.. something you evidently cannot do. I’m not even mad. I’m just so disappointed.. this is the person you turned out to be. 

If you showed me that you even cared for anyone else’s feelings besides your own or that you could listen to anyone else’s perspective besides your own, I think I would have tried to talk to you. I’m glad you showed me your true self. Our friends say they always knew you were like that and expected that to happen, but I never saw it coming.. you really blindsided me.. I think I was the one that always tried to see the good in you, always kept trying to help you and guide you and support you. What you did and how you handled it was immature, selfish, inconsiderate.. I was so shocked last night and all of today. But I’ve finally come to terms with it. This is who you are. 

Our friends are right. We are on different paths in life. Partying and having fun and making new friends is your priority right now. If you are truly happy being stuck in that scene and being around these types of people who will never help you amount to anything more, then good for you. You’re caught up in these temporary fleeting moments of happiness doing “fun” stuff and getting to know these new people. That’s fine. I know that in time you will see that you’ve made a mistake. Whether you’ll find the courage to own up to it and try to fix things, I don’t know ..nor do I really care right now. You’ve really stabbed me in the back and everyone agrees that I made the right decision in cutting you off. I don’t need your toxicity in my life. Maybe you were just holding me down the entire time. I gave and gave and now my love for you is empty. You took all those years I gave you and you broke it. All for what.. these temporary people and the temporary fun. You’ll regret it. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. When they abandon you or when you outgrow them, don’t crawl back to me expecting open arms. You broke our friendship and the trust we shared. Next time you’re broken, you’ll be alone and you’ll think about this moment. I really hope they were worth it. 

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

A Brief Recap of My Vacation Thus Far

- Yesterday, we accidentally took the wrong route and ended up on The Bad Bridge, everyone was panicked and our travel time was increased by an hour

- We still somehow made it here before the rest of my family. I get so much shit but honestly? None of us are capable of being on time

- There was a guy innocently dancing at a gas station, my grandmother called him a 'nut' and he heard and started laughing with us. This innocent interaction somehow sparked into a 30 minute race debate where I was told "It's bad to be PC. You're being too PC." All I did was say "Hey, maybe don't refer to non-white strangers as 'foreigners'". Help me.

- My Grandmother, like, completely unprompted, started denying the fact that the world has a growing population that's a bit of an issue??? Still confused

- I forgot. To pack. My headphones.

- My mother peer pressured me into drinking at dinner (omfg the waitress asked me if I had an id and literally before I could move to pull it out she goes 'who am I kidding, I can't fucking see it unless you hold it all the way over the ocean). Despite my usually high tolerance, I hadn't eaten all day so while I wasn't acting drunk or tipsy I could not make my legs function properly rip

- I came home and slept for like six hours before my mother's monstrous snoring woke me up at 2 am. Was never able to recover. I'm so tired rn

- The whole family, in true form, spent the morning ignoring me and then left for the beach without me. It took me over an hour to dredge up enough willpower to walk there myself

- I had to leave through the garage, in which you have to walk through the Hillbilly Murder Showers and struggle with The Very Small Yet Astoundingly Heavy Door. Despite pressing the button a total of six times, it still had to be essentially pried open

- This lead me to under the Boardwalk, which was covered with orange construction cones and had a huge gaping hole with Very Worrying Noises emerging from it, new feature this year. I almost took it as an omen to head back but trekked on anyway, managing to not fall into the hole.

- My family was found under a flag for the country of Montserrat, a place none of us have even heard of, but apparently my cousin kept getting emails that he had been promoted to the general of their military, and found the flag on complete coincidence and thought it fate. There was also an Eagles flag, because we are quite literally never allowed to forget that this is a Philly Family(tm)

-  My mother learned the hard way that you're supposed to Goddamn rub in the spray on sunscreen

- My hair got caught in my sunglasses so badly we almost had to consider using scissors to cut them out

- The Moon Was Apparently Out, But Only Eileen Can See It For Some Reason

- My younger cousins have a profound misunderstanding of what an undertow is

- The water was so rough today it was alarming tbh like HUGE waves hitting in the shallows, I was getting a little worried

- Even though alcohol has like, never been allowed on the beach, this year they apparently decided to Care About The Rules, so police officers were milling about. My family decided the best, least suspicious way to hide the beer was solo cups.

- I ate my weight in resses cups because I literally have no concept of self control

- Every time I pulled out my book, Jenna popped up going "did you know that movie sucked?". She wouldn't stop. I was there for three hours and barely made it to chapter 2

- Me, stuffing my face with cheese and sliced ham "idk veganism sounds kinda neat"

- My cousins three month old baby was there and my mom had to keep this child in her sight at all times like she was so convinced something was gonna Happen

- Also, the baby's grandmother was holding her while she napped and she went on this little tangent to my mom like "My mother taught me how to put a baby to sleep-" like she kept going on in this nostalgic tone about her mother and finally mom was like "Kathy we're literally sisters and mom is sitting right there you don't have to do this no one cares"

- Megan took a nap and her seven year old woke her up to ask her where his shirt was and she got. UNREASONABLY mad at him. The whole 'God forbid I can rest I do everything' spiel but like. Megan. Megan. You were asleep for like two hours. He's seven. Megan he's literally a baby he can't exactly be independent all the time.

- Seanie came over and was sitting on the big wheel of the wagon next to me so I asked him what he was doing and he went "Well, apparently I can't sit in a chair without people annoying me" and gave me a VERY pointed look so I just went back to my book so as to not invoke a 12 year old's wrath

- Can I just say: Seagulls need to stay THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

- I cowered in fear most of the day

- A man with a chair strapped to his back and very dark sunglasses wandered into our site, head tilted toward the sky and arms out in front of him, wobbling and almost fell into multiple holes my cousin's dug. He didn't seem to notice us as we called out to him, and eventually tumbled out of our site and plopped his chair down some ways away, which he collapsed into. The Elders and The Youngins' were convinced he was blind and was whispering amongst themselves, if he's blind where's his cane? Why's he here alone? Is he really blind. To which one relative finally quipped "Well, I'm sure some alcohol can MAKE you blind" and I was cracking up tbh like how HADNT they smelled the booze coming off him when he passed by?

- Danny, 12 years old, sitting calmly in the sun, drinking a large mason jar of pickle juice. When I politely asked him what the fuck, he turned and held eye contact with me for a solid three minutes, still drinking the pickle juice.

- When you're scared about getting arrested for drinking a bottle of beer but someone can apparently start Blazing It(tm) feet away from the police with no repercussions

- Also...random observation but all the police officers, firemen, and various other In Charge people I've encountered down here over the years seem to be younger than me? Why is this place being run by 18 year olds?

- Intense debate about why there's been so little promotion for Sharknado 5, airing this Sunday.

- Holy SHIT okay so I started leaving the beach right

- I'm having trouble trekking through the thick sand. My hair looks like a literal nest, I am unevenly pale and tan, a chair and bag are threatening to knock me over in the winds- basically I look outside like the mess I've always been inside.

- AND THIS FUCKING

-THIS FUCKING GREEK GOD OF A LIFEGUARD

- YOUNG, FIT, SHIRTLESS, BLINDING SMILE, EFFORTLESS HAIR, LITERALLY THE MOST FLAWLESS TAN I HAVE EVER SEEN

- HE FUCKING PULLS UP TO ME IN HIS SAND ROVER

- REMEMBER I LOOK LIKE A HERMIT CRAB THAT JUST EMERGED FROM THE SEWERS HERE

- AND HE JUST CHEERFULLY CALLS "MOLLY! HOP IN, I'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE!"

- HOW

- THE

- FUCK

- HOW DOES THIS GORGEOUS ENTITY KNOW MY NAME? WHY WOULD THIS IMMORTAL BEAUTY CHOOSE TO ASSOCIATE WITH ME.

- He said "Molly" one more time and I'm not kidding or exaggerating. I felt my name in his voice IN MY UTERUS.

- We did not speak the entire ride, but he somehow knew pretty much exactly where to drop me off and told me to have a great day before rovering off into the fucking sunset

- I am still so SHOOK right now who was this man????? I know for a fact I've never met him before so HOW DID HE KNOW MY NAME. Why did fate bring us together when I looked so authentically me???? Who is pulling these strings I Would Like A Word With Them

- I need to lie down it's been far too long since I was this attracted to a person idk what to do goodnight

[miggy-figgy]

Ludovic Saint Sernin By Miguel Figueroa Photos by Alex Franco

One of the best ways to get your first foot in fashion - or any type of business for that matter - is through apprenticeship. Back when they were the new kids on the block, Yves Saint Laurent, Donna Karan and Alessandro Michele learned and paid their dues, respectively, under the tutelage of Christian Dior, Anne Klein and Tom Ford. Three years after working at Balmain with Olivier Rousting, 27-year-old Ludovic Saint Sernin struck out on his own, presenting his first collection; a gender fluid homage to late nineties minimalism. We caught up with the designer on his birthday to talk about his influences, obsessions, next steps and unusual morning routine.

Hi Ludovic, let's start with the basics. What time did you get up this morning?  I woke up at 10, I usually wake up earlier but I just got back from California and the jet lag is real. It was an amazing holiday/research trip, very inspiring! 

Do you have a routine? What did you have for breakfast? Yes, I do! It is kind of ridiculous though. I have apple juice and cereal in bed and I religiously watch an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians or The Real Housewives, just to ease in the day. Then I start work at 11, and right now I am researching and sketching for next season.

What did you want to be when you were a child? I have always wanted to be a fashion designer for as long as I can remember. When I was just a little boy I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid, I had the Barbie, the sun lounger, everything and I would dress her etc. This obsession for her slowly transitioned into an obsession with Lindsay Lohan, when I was a teenager I would draw her everyday. Lukas Heerich who did the soundtrack for the presentation included some bits of interviews from her and mixed it with minimal music as a nod to her. 

I was probably 10 when a friend of my mom’s introduced me to Yves Saint Laurent, not literally but she had some old VHS of his most iconic shows and I remember thinking, this is it, this is what I want to do.

Who were or still are your fashion icons? Alaïa has always been a model for me. He's built something so unique and special. I recently watched the documentary by Joe McKenna who I'm obsessed with and it was so fascinating to see how he works. There's no one else like him he's such a perfectionist. Helmut Lang is obviously a big reference as is Rei Kawakubo and Issey Miyake. Kirtsen Owen, I don't think there's a single image that she's in that doesn't inspire me, she's a huge inspiration. I posted a picture of her from Steven Meisel the other day and the caption simply said : mom.

You broke from working at Balmain - which is the antithesis of your style - and created a beautiful, minimal first collection. What were your biggest lessons working there? Balmain was my first fashion family, they have been amazing to me and I am very grateful for everything I have learnt there. I was working on embellishment and textiles which was so exciting to do there because you can really propose stuff and create amazing pieces. And their approach was very artisanal which I really appreciate.

Have you always played with gender bending? What do you consider to be the most masculine feature in a woman and the most feminine trait in a man? I actually only had done womenswear up until that first presentation and initially I thought it was going to be women’s. I was doing a project on Instagram where I would recreate pictures of me with boys I knew from Instagram and make them pose in my clothes. I created some really cool relationships with some of these boys and one of them became my fitting model/muse. 

So even tough the clothes were originally women's, turns out as we were trying them they looked really good on a boy too. And I decided that it wasn’t really relevant anymore to try and categorize my pieces to one sex only. I myself don't really look whether it's women's or men's when I'm shopping. As long as you feel good in it and it fits your body why restrain yourself. I knew I wanted to show it on guys though. I worked with this really talented casting director and friend, Piotr Chamier, we share the same aesthetic when it comes to casting and he did an amazing job finding boys. What I really appreciate is that even though it was presented during Men's after the show we received loads of press requests for women’s shootings. It’s been about equal with that of the men’s. I am looking forward to seeing how they work in both contexts. 

With regards to the second part of the question, I am struggling to answer that. Truth is I don’t really think in that way. I have long hair so you might say that is the most feminine thing about me but others might find it quite masculine. Likewise the neck of my fit model is long and thin but I don’t think it looks particularly feminine. I really don’t think that way and interestingly I think a lot of people my age and younger are not categorizing through sex or sexuality. 

Who would be your ultimate person to dress? Yesterday I watched Basketball Diaries for the first time and Leonardo DiCaprio is just beautiful and so good in it, he was just twenty years old but looks sixteen. I wish I could have dressed him back in the days, he had that special something about him and also this androgyny that I love. But to answer your question, I love the idea of dressing sons or little brothers of celebrities: for instance Uma Thurman's son is gorgeous, looks just like her but in a boy. Or Pamela Anderson's son is actually really hot too. I recently met up with Niels Schneider's little brother Vassili, and I'd love to dress him for a special project. 

What is your favorite scent? For the presentation I used Potpourri from Santa Maria Novella, it smells amazing and looks really beautiful. It was displayed all over the conservatory where I had the presentation on little ceramics plates I brought back from Kyoto. I wanted the scent to blend in with the natural smell of the boys in the presentation, it was a really hot day, and they were walking around between plants in a manner that evoked cruising. The scent of the potpourri, the boys sweat and the plants just all worked really well together.

Hot! Which are your favorite hide-outs in Paris? I spend most of my free time in London, so I am going to give you my favorite hide-outs there: breakfast at the Towpath in de Beauvoir, their grilled cheese sandwich is to die for, I love walking along the canal, brunch at Rawduck, Epping forest, in the fall the colors are splendid, the British library is the best place to read a book, you need to make an appointment for the reading room and it's great to hide away from the crowd. Then back at the Towpath for drinks and dinner at Gujurati Rasoi, they have my favorite dish on earth there, I always order the same thing.

What turns you on?  A Wolfgang Tillmans picture. I went to see his exhibition at the Tate in London it was simply breathtaking. 

What turns you off?   Being unthoughtful or unconscious. I'm quoting Jake Gyllenhaal, I had to google this answer, I couldn't think of anything that turns me off. 

Can you share with us your latest obsessions? I have discovered this beautiful bookstore in Paris, where they have an amazing selection of queer literature and art. I recently read L’Age d’or by Pierre Herbart which I highly recommend. And I am in the middle of reading Call me by your Name by André Aciman which is the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blossoms between an adolescent boy and a summer guest at his parents villa on the Italian Riviera. It is being released as a film next year and I cannot wait to see how they will translate this beautiful book.

Where would you like to take your brand to next? I have some very exciting projects and collaborations coming up but it is a bit too early to reveal. It is amazing how quickly things can move these days but most of the time it’s just me and I’d like to do things slowly and well rather than rush them. 

What are you doing after this? It's my birthday today [28th of August], so I am going to eat some cake and enjoy a lovely dinner with my family! Originally published in the Fall & Winter 2017/18-Spring 2018 issue of Hercules Universal, Neon Dreams. Out now. 

[prqltothesql]

Think I’m gonna start keeping a diary/journal just to track my day-to-day - Entry 000000

I’m going to at some point do one of these as exposition so if anyone is insane enough to read these and you don’t know me, you’ll know who I am. 

About 3 months ago, my dad had a stroke. As strokes go, this was a mild one that has had many short-lasting effects but nothing serious. The initial hit was mild facial paralysis on his left side as well as slurred speech due to tongue deviation. He’s been working hard and his face is getting a little tighter, his speech is 1000% improved from after his stroke. He’s noticed other issues, like his left arm and leg were bothering him and definitely not as strong as they once were. The underlying cause of his stroke was his diabetes. He aggressively does not go to the doctor and is not good at taking care of himself or paying attention to his own needs. So his A1C sugar was off the charts. When it’s a 7, doctors are like, hey that’s getting high, you should knock it down. He was a 12.7. The doctors were stunned that his stroke was so minor. So he’s started on diabetes medication as well as blood pressure medication. No insulin shots, no needles, he’s pretty healthy other than that. But as far as his blood pressure goes, he’s super stressed about everything. Prior to his stroke, he was a nightmare. He’s recently gotten into this funk because he noticed his ex-wife, who was our stepmom, who walked out on us 8 years ago and divorced him 5 years ago, is in a band and is playing out. He’s a musician and prior to me going to college, he was always playing out. Then I went to college and got a job and had a life and he had to give all of that up to raise my sister, who is 19 now. Figures as soon as she gets out of school and gets taken care of, he has a stroke. But anyways, he stressed about everything. Our house is almost 80 years old and has a thousand things wrong with it. We have 3 dogs that are good but still need taken care of. He stressed about everything. He was always mad, he was always planning projects that needed to be done, and then while I was at work, would do these projects and then yell because he was doing them on his own when I literally could not help because I work a 9-5. The two weeks prior to him having his stroke, my sister had wisdom teeth surgery and he was incredibly stressed out about that. I even stayed home to help and he still was stressed and all freaking out. The day he had his stroke, he was going on a trip to the mountains by himself, and his truck has no AC. So he wore jeans, a long sleeved shirt, ate nothing, did not hydrate. He drove through DC in the middle of the day and he said he was hot. Then he got to the mountains and as soon as he got there, he began gathering firewood without giving himself a minute. As soon as he started, he noticed something was wrong. He was way way overheated and did not eat, did not hydrate, his blood sugar was super low. He said he stopped in Front Royal and got a soda and a bag of cheese puffs or something. Not water, not a meal. And he could barely talk. Even now if he says too many “B’s” his mouth gets caught up on itself and he starts mumbling a little. 

So anyways, my life prior to this: I work a 9-5 job as a web developer. They’re flexible on hours which is great and they understand family which is great. But I’m gone 9-5 Monday-Friday. There was one time I had to stay till 9 or 10pm but that was another issue. lol. I also taught band. I had been with one school, MHS for 5 years. In the last year, I had also joined up with CSW and was going to make a transition from one school to another because I was getting burnt out and needed something new. Unfortunately that meant 2-3 nights a week, I left right from work and went to band. Most of the time without a second thought as to what was going on at home. And then mostly every Saturday I was gone all day. So two days I had to help him and get caught up around here, I was unable to do one of them. So I was very very little help and I was gone a lot. When I was home, I just wanted to relax. Plus it’s not like I was off having fun, it was like a second job to me. The time and stress I put into it was crazy. The miles driving back and forth on my car. 

My sister is a complicated situation. She hasn’t been tested in years but I’m sure she has a learning disability that may even be autism. She graduated HS where she was an integration B student and I think she was such a handful that they just were done with her and gave her a diploma to get her out the door. She has no future or hope for a future. She’s not going to school, she’s not working. She mostly just stays at home. He claims he has to babysit her which is a stretch, she’s self-sufficient, she’s just like a plant. She’s not gonna go anywhere or do anything bad. She’s not gonna cook with a flame, she’s not gonna make coffee or go swimming or go anywhere. She’s gonna sit around on her phone or play video games. That’s it. But she’s little help. Not good with motor skills, not good with following directions. Her mind is the proverbial steel trap. Once something gets in, it’s hard to get it out. If she has a certain way of doing things that she has decided on, you can’t get her to change easily. she’s incredibly routine oriented. Couple that with the general teenage “I think I know everything and I don’t listen to anyone” and she can be a handful sometimes. She also can’t reason with the things she does. She’ll do something stupid and if she can explain her thought process, I could reason and say, “Well that was dumb, but here’s why.” Otherwise she shrugs or says, “I don’t know,” and that annoys the hell out of me. 

So two days after his stroke, I quit band. He had a nervous breakdown that carried over into the next day and started yelling at me about band so I just up and emailed both schools and quit on the spot. I’m pretty sure I ruined several friendships and my own reputation, but that’s the way things go. I had to do it. Since then, I’ve done a handful of things on my own, but I’ve mostly been here. I go to work, I come home, I cook or help cook or get dinner, and then we eat and I hang out and then go to bed and do it all over again. I ha.ve no girlfriend, I have no friends, most of my friends do band anyways. On the weekends, I’ve been doing chores, praying that he can hold off and not force himself to do them and nearly kill himself (which he’s done) and I can get to them. One day a few weeks ago, he went outside and vacuumed the pool and was out there for an hour in the sun without eating anything and he nearly passed out and took a 3 hour nap on the couch. Then he woke up and was snapping on everything and everyone. It was crazy. So I’ve been trying to make sure he doesn’t do that... doing things in the evenings or waking up and doing them before work. 

Also I mentioned our pets. We have 3 American Eskimo dogs, Angel, Wolfie and Ty. They are white and fluffy and also shed everywhere. They say dogs take on their owners. Well Wolfie is kind of my sister’s dog. He’s stubborn, hyper, doesn’t listen, is annoying. But he LOVES me to death. I’m his playfriend and buddy. And he can be the absolute sweetest dog but he likes to fight with the other male dog Ty. Angel is my dog. She’s exactly like me. We’re both kind of fat. She’s very smart, she keeps an eye on everyone, she always wants to know what’s going on. She’s very sweet, she’s well trained, she’s in a great routine with me. She’s very chill and relaxed. My dad’s dog Ty, he’s gone insane. He used to be calm and nice, at my dad’s side no matter what. But something happened, we don’t know what, and he’s not the same dog. His front feet splay out wide and he can barely walk now. He’s going blind so he can barely see sometimes, especially if it’s bright out. He’s stubborn and annoying. Won’t listen, always fighting with everyone. Just like my dad. lol. We also have a cat named Butter who is old but is a little sweetheart. She used to be neurotic and anti-social but now she’s a social butterfly and is really lovey with everyone. Me and Rachel mostly take care of her. She likes my dad and he likes her but it’s a tenuous relationship. lol. 

There’s some exposition, so now I’ll journal yesterday and a bit of this morning. 

[chasingbutterflies13-blog]

Love In Dakrness: Chapter 1

"I can be your hero. I can be your man." I wake up, turning over to grab my phone from the nightstand and turning off my alarm.  "Took you long enough." Nina groans, as she sits up in her bed. I toss a pillow at her, and she throws it back. "Do I have to go to school today?"   "Yes. Look today is Friday, it's a weekend after today. YOu also only have two more weeks after that and you graduate. Then two more after that and we'll be gone from here."  I say. She huffs and lays back down throwing the covers over her face. I get up and walk over to her bed, pulling the covers off her face. "Come on. You graduate this year, we leave this year. All of us. We will never have to step foot in this house again."  "You're right." She sits up, and I pull her into a hug. "We're meeting up with the others after school right?"   "Yes, but we have to hurry right now. Especially if you want breakfast before you go to school." I let go, and head downstairs quietly. I grab two bowls from the cabinet and a box of cereal, setting them on the table.     "Amethyst, I can't find a clean shirt." Nina says loudly, as she comes running down the stairs. "Nina. Quiet down." I say sternly. "Check the dryer. I did some wash yesterday. Do it quietly though." She rushes over to the dryer searching through the clothes, before settling on a Monsta X shirt. "How does making a stop by work sound for breakfast?" "Is there something wrong?" She asks. I close the fridge door and turn around to face her, "Just go finish getting ready." I put the bowls and cereal back in the cabinet, and lean against the sink for a moment. I didn't have the heart to tell Nina that our mom had forgotten to go grocery shopping, again. I sigh and push myself away from the sink, I needed o hurry and get ready.   I sift through the pile of clothes in the dryer, looking for my work uniform. While Nina was at school, I worked a couple shifts through out the week at a small cafe down the street. I head upstairs to change and brush my hair and teeth. "Nina, are you ready? We have to go." "I'll be out in the car." Nina says, running past me as I walk into the room. I sigh, throwing our dirty clothes into the hamper and straightening up our beds. I grab my phone and purse before heading out to the car. "What are we listening to this morning?" I ask, as I hand her my phone.   Nina doesn't say a word as one of our favorite kpop group fills the car. We make a stop at my work for a quick breakfast. "Have a good day." I say, as I pull up in front of her school. "You too." She leans over to give me a quick hug, before she gets out of the car. "Amethyst, can you help me in the back today?" Anita, my boss asks me as soon as I walk in for my shift.  "Yea. No problem." I reply, as I follow her into the back. I had forgotten that Friday mornings we went through stock, so we could  put in our order for the week. We start with the walk in fridge and freezer, moving stuff, checking dates and crossing things off the list.    "Are you guys really leaving?" Anita asks, as we finish with the freezer. I nod, not much else for me to say on the matter. "That's a whole another country though? Different culture and different language."   "That's the point Anita." I say, "They won't follow us to another country. None of them will. We've been learning the language and all of us are pretty fluent in it at this point. We've been saving and preparing for over a year. Nothing is changing our minds." Anita says nothing more as we finish the inventory and order list. The rest of my shift goes by fairly quick, and sooner than I expected I am picking Nina up from school.  "How was your day?" I ask, as she climbs into the car. She says nothing, as she chooses a song on my phone and Monsta X begins to play from the speakers. I sigh as I pull away and head towards Saphir and Nico's place. Our other two siblings had moved out with some friends, once they both had turned 18.   Our older brother Nico had technically been kicked out three years ago by our stepfather, Ronald. The memory just as vivid as if it had happened last night. Ronald had found out that Nico had joined a local gang, and when we all got home that night, the first thing he did was start yelling and screaming at all of us at first.     Nico instantly started yelling back, and before any of us girls could react Ronald had grabbed Nico and pinned him against the wall. I made Saphir and Nina go upstairs immediately, as I didn't want them getting caught in the crossfire. Nico punched Ronald, making Ronald reel back and let go of Nico for just a moment.   "Please stop." I cried, stepping in front of Nico, and facing Ronald. "Please." Ronald pushed me to the side, knocking me to the floor. Nico tried to punch Ronald again, but Ronald grabbed him and threw him against before saying "Get out of this house and don't ever come back." As Nico left, Ronald turned on me still on the floor crying my eyes out.  "And you, if you ever try to stop again you'll be out next." I only nodded before going upstairs to the room I shared with my sisters.    "Amethyst are you okay?" Saphir's voice cuts through my memories, pulling me back into reality. The others were all staring at me, like I had grown a third eye or something.  "Yea. I'm fine." I reply, "Just thinking is all. How has work been for you?"   "It's been fine. I've been saving too." She says, "The others have too. Haruka and Brittany work as much as possible, but you know how that goes." I nod, knowing exactly what she meant. Haruka and Brittany were friends, but they also were in the same gang as Nico. Haruka had a boyfriend named Jayk who was also in the gang. Jayk also happened to be the older brother of our other two friends Jasmyn and Lynn. Nico and Lynn were also dating each other.   "When are the others going to get here?" Nina asks. We had already been at the house for an hour with no sign of Nico or our friends. I knew Nina was just getting bored, and that she wanted to see Nico. It had become a tradition for us, after Nico got kicked out to stay over during the weekends. It got us away from Ronald and our mother, and both of them were happy to have us gone for a few days.    Nico and the others walk into the house before either Saphir or I could reply. Nico and Jayk carrying in pizzas and 2 liters. I stood, to help clear off the table and counters so we could all sit down and eat. "Nico!" Nina says excitedly, throwing her arms around him as he sets down the pizzas. I grab plates and cups from the counter, setting them down on the table and taking a seat.   "Hey there demon child." He laughs as he hugs her back. She smiles at the nickname, pulling him into the seat next her. "How has school been?"   "It's been fine." She replies, as she grabs a piece of pizza. "A bit boring, but fine. Two more weeks left."   "Four weeks until we are out of here for good." Haruka says as she sits down next to me. "It's exciting to know we'll get a fresh start."   "It'll be good to not have to worry about you all too." Lynn says, "Everyone has been studying and reading up right? It's a different culture and a different country."   "You should hear Brittany. She can speak the language pretty well." Jasmyn replies.  "I'm just happy, that you all will be happy." Jayk says kissing Haruka as he sits down between her and Jasmyn. "Does your mom and Ronald know what you guys are doing yet?"   "No." I shake my head, "They can't do anything about it anyways. Nina will be 18 when we leave, they can't stop her or us. It's not like they'll want to anyways."   "I would like to see them try to stop our demon child." Brittany says, with a laugh. We all start laughing and cracking jokes. Tonight was made to forget our worries and just have some fun, made for spending time together. Once we finished eating Nico and I washed the dishes, while the others try to decide on a movie for us to watch.   "Is everything alright at home?" Nico asks, as he dried the dishes. "Ronald hasn't hit you or anything has he? How's Mom?"   "Everything is fine at home Nico." I reply, "We see Ronald for maybe an hour or two at most each day. He doesn't really get the chance to say or do anything. We make sure not to give him a reason to. Mom is mom. Nothing has changed there."   "I'm sorry. You two are stuck there for another four weeks. I shouldn't have left that night."   "You didn't have a choice Nico. Someone would have gotten hurt if you didn't. Plus it allowed Saphir to get out of that house last year. There are many things that have happened over the last four years. All of us have struggled with it, but we got some amazing friends out of it. Friends, who have become our family."   "I just worry about you guys." He says, pulling me into a hug. "Especially you. You have given up a lot to make sure Nina and Saphir were not left alone in that house. You are also the reason we will be able to leave this all behind. I just want to see all of you happy. You deserve that."    "We all are the reason we can leave this place. We all have been working and saving towards it." I say, hugging him back. "Come on the dishes are finished, and if they should have a movie picked by now."     "About time you two finished the dishes." Nina says. "We were all starting to waste away with boredom." Nico and I laugh, as I sit down between her and Saphir. Nico pulls Lynn into his lap, after she turns off the lights and starts the movie. Haruka and Jayk cuddled together in the other chair, while Jasmyn and Brittany sat on the other side of Saphir. I smiled, all of us had our issues, our own darkness we had to deal with. We had each other in that darkness though and we had formed a family of our own. Nothing could or would change that, at least that is what I had thought.  ********************************************* Sorry it took so long for chapter 1. I was having some trouble getting back into the groove of writing.

[survivor-kalymnos]

Ep. 10 - “I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug.” - Lenny

Frank

I swear I have a heart. I end up getting caught in so many fights in orgs nowadays and honestly it’s not something I enjoy but I’m also not just going to sit back while I’m being attacked. What hurts the most is reading about not holding a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard it in orgs and not even the first time I’ve heard it in life and it hurts and sucks. I’m like on the verge of tears because of shit like that, I’m a person I have feelings and I try to be good at speaking to people but I fall short so many times. It’s one of my biggest fears, losing people because of my social ineptness (don’t think that’s a word but here we are). What I can do is move on and move forward with the people who seem to enjoy talking to me and have actually not just left me on read and put effort into getting to know a person and how they communicate. And them worm is just sitting here doing absolutely nothing but nobody is calling them out on it so fuck me i guess. I’m gonna be sad about it for a little bit but it’s not like I feel like it was a personal attack since truly it wasn’t. 

lenny

eliza went home. SO MUCH DRAMA! I am just watching rn. new alliance chat formed called "invisibles". makes me feel very superhero like. 

lenny

People are yelling. People are fighting. People are calling each other snakes and rats. I just want to munch. I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug. 

Frank

Me to Franco: that's why i just said ok, at least i read messages, wanted to let you know you've been heard....not listened to, but heard Michele Learned to see the game from an outside. No longer taking everything personally. Excited to leap back into this, but might try to hide around for a few rounds and let them take out bigger threats.

Frank

So it’s like 2am and I have some thoughts. It’s been a roller coaster tonight in this game and I’m actually really proud of how I handled things. I’m in an actual alliance now which is calming and amazing since it’s a majority and I feel I can trust some of these people. That tribal definitely drew some lines in the sand but I’m pretty happy about it. Like I said in my last confessionals, I don’t always like to fight, but it happened. I think I defended myself well. Nothing really got solved but I saw how Rain feels about me. I didn’t even know they had a problem with me because they just never responded to my messages. Why they decided to join the fight is anyone’s guess since it didn’t involve them nor did it need to. I didn’t have a problem with Rain, but I guess I do now. I guess moving forward I need to become a better speaker in one on one conversations but that’s a bigger issue. Who knew dusty would be my closest ally now but here we are. Dusty and Sasha, but like I doubt I can take dusty to f3 but who knows what will happen in the future, f3 is so far away.

Michele

I’m mostly certain that my brother is Frank and wow I could have taken him out for bragging rights but tbh starting to trust him so he might need to stay. Really starting to watch out for Dusty tho👀

Franco

Day 1 of missing Eliza. I'm SO PISSED. I knew eliza giving her idol would bite us in the ass, I wish I could have done something to stop it. If I had known eliza was the target i would have played my idol on her in a HEARTBEAT. Im kicking myself because theres so much we could've done. We shouldn't have tried to split last minute. If I kept my vote on Frank, he would have left. Michele is a rat. Dusty is a snake. Frank is basically a nonentity in this game but somehow also is the biggest annoyance in the game. I want them all gone. I need to reevaluate my game. Hopefully they move onto other targets now that my number 1 is gone, but I dont trust that enough. Dusty is now in control of 2 idols, and I wasted my own. I don't know how to come back from this, but there is a fire under my ass and renewed rage, and I am going to do EVERYTHING i can to win this fucking game

Michele

After talking to other people I don’t think I’m going to win immunity. It’s probably better for my game anyway given the fact that I won the last 2 public comps. I hope I can fly under the radar at tribal and send franco packing but the tables have turned and once again there might be bigger fish to fry. Unfortunately that fish might be me...

Franco

Day 2 of missing Eliza God this is actually.... So depressing.  5 out of the 7 people left in this game left me on read yesterday when I was trying to talk game to them.  Multiple people flat out told me I was on the bottom and Im probably going next.   Yesterday I said I had a fire under my ass and I was ready to take back this game but today that is... Gone. Like I feel so defeated. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to talk to everyone and figure out what to do but I'm just hitting brick walls. This challenge is easy and I can easily win with effort, but that is effort I dont have the capacity to put in right now. And even though I have hundreds of pictures, I have a feeling someone is just going to come in and blow that out of the water. I don't see a path to the end. Im going to put in as much work as I can for the rest of this round, hoping I find one. But right now theres nothing. I really hope that changes. 

lenny

I am so exhausted from this challenge. I worked really hard at it and my mom got upset with me for dojng it because I should be doing work for class lol. I'd really like to win this challenge. For me, winning is more than immunity. It shows that I am a strong competitor and deserve to be here. I know I am not the loudest person in the tribe or the sneakiest, but, I am still here and that means something right?

Sasha

uhhhh I'm going to make this as comprehensive as possible  but also my brain is fried so I'm gonna see how it goes last round: bunch of us voted out eliza, which really only worked because she and franco were had turned on some people to blindside cranjes before. also the 5 of us who did that have a chat now, called "the invisibles" (it's dusty, lenny, michele, frank, and I) we're planning on going for franco this round, assuming he doesn't in this challenge (I don't think he will) speaking of franco, he approached me yesterday to have a convo about the game so far. he basically explained his involvement in a bunch of stuff to me and was saying that even though people perceived him to be running the game, he felt as though he'd been floundering these past few rounds. he also said that he respected my game and I was like "lol what game" then he asked how likely it was that he'd go this round and I said fairly. he also asked if I'd consider not voting for him. I said maybe. I probably will; I'm actually in an alliance and I'd like to stick with it asdfgknj also this challenge? I have a good feeling about. I've taken so many pictures that my brain hurts. also I knew I'd have a good edge since I own about 300 books so that's a good chunk of pictures right there.

Rain

I’m defeated. I’m angry. Literally nobody but franco and Lenny is putting in the effort to speak to me. It’s fucking painful. I’d rather go home this round than see Franco leave. Franco deserves to be here. You know who doesn’t? Frank. Frank continues to be on borrowed time hiding underneath allies that play better than him. My cat has a better social game than frank and she hisses at anyone who comes close to her. I’m pissed. We could have the numbers to stay but Lenny won’t keep franco. What the fuck. Take me to jury. I’m done with these “only speak to my allies” shit players. 

Franco

I don't know what to do. 

Michele

When I first started this game I did it for the sole purpose of beating my brother. My mindset has changed as I’ve gotten so far. I *really* want to win now!! It’s going to be really rough but I think I can do it?

Sashah

i im still bitter 3 hours later that I went ham on this challenge, fried my brain, and got second

Franco

Day 3 of missing Eliza I AM ABSOLUTELY SHITTING MYSELF. GOD MY DEVELOPMENT ARC FOR THIS ROUND IS SO CRAZY. I know I'm probably the target tonight, yesterday I was so sad all day and literally just felt like giving up. But TODAY. I found???? Idol????? AGAIN???? That fire has been RE LIT SIS. My ass ain't going anywhere tonight

Michele

Getting the invisibles to come to a decision is almost as frustrating as when I tried with og nera. Lack of communication is why I am almost a free agent. Trying to BB17 Steve my way to the top.

Frank

I’m hoping it’s an easy round and we just get rid of Franco. This alliance was made after the vote last time so it would be really dumb and sad if we can’t even vote together once.

Michele

I think of all tribals in the game so far tonights will be the most impactful to my game personally. As far as I know it seems like my vote is the deciding factor. I’m down between rain and frank, but I don’t personally want frank gone. I’m weighing the pros and cons going forward and its so even.

MicheleJ

ust a rat looking for her Linguini

Dusty

Alright!!!!! Now this vote would appear simple, take out Franco, who's all alone and blown up his game. Worm and Rain were working with him before but they’ve both expressed to me that they would vote of Franco if it were to help further there game. And of course this is a smart decision but my my brain gets on caffeine I just get to thinking!! If I were to give my idol to Franco, then he uses the idol and gets to decide who goes home. Now ultimately this is a mess because he could decide to vote of someone that I don’t want to go home. So as much as it sounds fun and dramatic I don’t really think that’s a smart move. Now back to Rain and Worm...they’ve both presented me with an opportunity. At this point in he game I think whoever goes into final 7 tribal with the power will really have influence over the rest of the game. If I stick with this alliance of 5 (Sasha, Frank, Lenny, Michele, and myself) then we go into 7 with majority, but it also creates a situation where Sasha and Frank are a duo and then Lenny, Michele, and I are more than individuals but less than a trio and at this point in the game that’s not a solid ground to stand on. Talking to Worm they saw Michele and I were a tight duo, and while talking to Rain they saw Lenny and I as a tight duo. Now this was NEWS to me because I always thought Michele was close to Worm, and same with Lenny and Rain. This gives me the opportunity next round to decide who i want to work with and hopefully stick with that group until the end. Obviously things could happen very differently, I’m unsure if I will go to Michele or Lenny to propose sticking together until the end, but who knows what could happen in this game. 

Worm

This game is with out a doubt the wildest ride I have ever been on in an org. I have changed my path to the end so many times, and I feel like a majority of that is because of how chaotic some of the other people are playing. So with everything going on I just need to keep my head down and make sure  that no matter how many people I betray, I need to make sure I still have that bridge built to work with them. I'm putting a lot of faith this round in Michele because its all up to her to vote for Frank. I don't why Im trusting Franco to take the reins with this vote, especially after HE TOLD MICHELLE ABOUT HIS IDOL. Like I'm flabbergasted. What is this cast problem with not telling every living soul about them having an idol. i'm just hoping everything work out because if it doesn't, then I'm not too sure of my chances of staying are. I wounder if people would go after larger targets or someone else. There is too many questions right now that I can't answer. So until then I will focus on what I can try and control. So the plan for the rest of this game will hopefully go as follows: this round we flush dusty's idol and get rid of frank. After that i would like to either get rid of Rain. I think out of everyone left they are the most likely to win. They are well-spoken, smart, and has a great relationship with everyone. I think if they make it to the end then they would have the best chances of winning. I think my best bet would be to work with Michele, Dusty, and maybe Lenny. That third person is kind of a mystery to me but if I can get Michele and Dusty on board then I think we can pull in a third. Maybe if Franco doesn't find another idol and he thinks that his back is against the wall then maybe he would flip. Only time would tell. After that at final 6 I would like to target Sasha. She seems like a wild card and I'm not sure where her head sits in this game. I also know that her and Franco are getting closer so that could leave Franco with no allies. I think after that, Dusty would be the best person to target. I think he also as a very high chance of winning and having someone so close with such a good chance of winning is a big threat. At final 4 I would want either Michele or Lenny out. Preferably Lenny because I think she has better social bonds and with Michele becoming more and more quiet it seems that will be my choice. I think Franco is one person I want in the end because even though he is making "big moves", many of  them seem erratic and without logic to me. I don't think he has the foresight to see what consequences have occurred from his decisions. I know this isn't how the game is gonna go but I sure hope it does lol

Franco

OKAY so i spent a LOT of today mulling over options and plans and votes and allies. This might be the last chance i have to make a HUGE move with an idol so I have to make it work. Not gonna lie, I got messy. I slipped and told Michele, Rain, and Worm about my idol. But i don't think it blew up in my face, surprisingly. I'm lying to almost everyone. There are four different plans going on but only one is true. The plan is to get Dusty to use an idol AND ensure someone I don't trust goes home. I know Dusty, Lenny, and Frank are voting me, but my idol will ensure it does not matter. Rain, Worm and I are voting Dusty. He needs to have the most votes so he's forced to use the super idol and we don't have to worry about it anymore. I really trust Sasha. Like Rain and Sasha are my biggest allies right now, but unfortunately I had to lie to Sasha to ensure there weren't any leaks. I told her that the vote was going to Michele. So that's who she should be voting for. Michele knows about the plan to use my idol and flush Dustys, so she is going to vote Frank. SO if all goes according to plan, it will be a tie between Michele and Frank and it will go to a revote. Michele is an absolute rat and a snake and I can't trust her anymore. I want her GONE. After the first vote im going to campaign my ass off in those couple minutes to get her to go. SO YEAH. Me and all of my allies should be safe. FrancoAlso. Can i just say how SHOOK I am at this game? This round has been a rollercoaster, and this vote is so intense. There are so many intricacies and internal connections and ideas going on that is all cohesive in the grand scheme of whats actually going on. This is why I love Survivor and I love this game. Truly i think this is the most I've ever played from a strategic standpoint. 

Sasha

in a twist of events, I'm voting with franco rather than for him why? well, bold of you to assume /I/ understand my own actions serious answer: because I realized that I talk the most to him and I'm closer to him than anyone else as a result. not even just game talk. just vibing and chatting about stuff, like shouting about the witcher for instance also I'm just vibing and not caring about Game(tm) so what do I have to lose by turning on the invisibles anyway rain was telling me that they were thinking of voting for franco and I was like "ok but first consider this new information: I'm not voting for him" and so they said that they won't vote for him franco decided to target michele instead, because she keeps flipping around to whatever benefits her, which makes sense. I guess I'm just chilling until the vote since, in theory, the invisibles decided to vote franco (I didn't try to convince them to vote for someone else just in case, because it would look highkey sus if I started to try to get the vote off franco after trying to vote for him three goddamn times)

Frank

It’s very quite and that makes me concerned for some reason bc I just don’t do well with quiet anymore I guess. I know survivor is on and I’m watching it too but like it’s been quiet for most of the day. I just hope that’s because it’s an easy round, but obviously I’m never going to feel comfortable.

Sasha

This is the second time I'm voting with someone who's engaging in a last ditch effort to save themselves. Hopefully it goes better this time

Sasha

WAIT FRANCO JUST USED AN IDOL SDFGHJK

Sasha

this tribal, man franco and I assume worm and rain, voted dusty to flush his super idol so then it was a tie between michele and frank I got 3 dms, one from michele just saying "please!!!" which is the only thing that kept me from confirming my vote for her immediately one from franco elaborating on the plan to flush the idol and one from dusty asking if I wanted to keep frank. I said yes and he confirmed. That was a surprise

Sasha

FUCK IT'S ROCKS BETWEEN ME, WORM, AND RAIN

Sasha

well shit

[lavotha]

There are always two sides to a story

In Zen thinking, “Nothing is what it seems” is why you should question everything, as people’s intentions are not always clear. Or, simply said: Don’t judge a book by its cover!, a phrase dating back to the mid-19th century.

I was a competitive swimmer for my local club in the suburbs of Buenos Aires during my teens, and I love to swim in rivers and especially in the sea. So, I can best explain how this unprecedented world situation feels to me, by comparing it with getting caught in an undertow at the beach, sucked under a big wave. You get disoriented while the wave holds you down for what seems several eternal seconds until it lifts you again a few feet out, behind the breaking wave. Your heart is literally in your throat, and you feel like a puppet. The best is to try to keep calm, and then swim upward to the surface. You swallow the salty water getting choked, but then you spit it out and breathe again!

On December 31, 2019, Chinese authorities alerted the World Health Organization of pneumonia cases in Wuhan City, Hubei province, China, with an unknown cause. Immediately after you start hearing alarming news announced by “so-called” experts, that the virus will infect and kill millions, based on unproven facts and faulty comparisons, later refuted. Panic ensues crowding the health care system in affected countries. Instead of helping those nations to cope, the world goes into lockdown! Every man for himself. Information comes fast and pounding like a giant wave, more like a Tsunami that spares nothing on its path!

Nothing gets media coverage but “the virus” as if nothing else matters in the world. (I refuse to use its proper denomination because it is getting far too much PR from everybody else.) Drowned under waves of sensationalist news, you have to gain your calm, reflect, sort out the information, and find the real facts, compare, and form a personal opinion. Then start searching avidly and systematically for the other side, because there are always two sides to a story, never forget that!

Fear is a powerful drug

An experienced journalist friend of ours told me recently, “There is no oxygen in the media for other opinions at this time.”  The counting of the virus victims worldwide is published everywhere, day-in-and-day-out obsessively and relentlessly, as never done before! It plays on the fear of dying most of us have, causing extreme anxiety, known as Thanatophobia. (In Greek language, Thanatos refers to death, and Phobos means fear.)

Having lived under the military ruling in Argentina during my youth, I know by experience that fear is a powerful drug used by totalitarian regimes. The goal is to create an enemy, real or perceived, and then offer protection, demand total obedience, and end up exerting massive control of the population. I reacted to the present situation with the same alarm bells ringing in my whole body. How comes that with viruses every season and a plethora of other illnesses, there has never been daily worldwide public counting? Immediately, I ask myself: Are they trying to create panic and scare us purposely?

Respect other people’s opinions but dare to voice yours!

My moral values, my principles, my deeply set beliefs that have served me all my life are the underlying truths on which I base my dealings with the world. When somebody starts challenging those values and beliefs, I immediately question, especially when they are testing my fundamentals of humanity. I may not get the answers, but I will keep challenging. I have been an avid reader since a young age and I am very curious. I ask so many questions that my husband says I am like a 5-year old child. Well, I nurture that child inside me and hope it never leaves me, because it helps me in my quest for truth and meaning, particularly during difficult times.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan said: “Everyone is entitled to his opinion, but not his own facts.” I do respect other people’s opinions, but at the same time, I am more of an independent thinker. However, through the years, I learned the hard way that it is better to encourage dialogue, not hostility. You do not grow and evolve by arguing with others, but by gaining new insights, exchanging opinions, and perspectives.

You are guided in your reasoning by your experiences, good or bad. Writer B.J. Neblett said: “We are the total of our experiences. Those experiences – be they positive or negative – make us the person we are at any given point in our lives. And, like a flowing river, those same experiences, and those yet to come, continue to influence and reshape the person we are and the person we become. None of us are the same as we were yesterday, nor will be tomorrow.”

Are we losing our humanity?

I remember growing up in Buenos Aires, whenever a friend or member of the family was ill, everybody in his entourage took turns in keeping him company in the hospital or at home. Are we now being asked to leave suffering people alone? It is common knowledge that human contact helps healing, a gentle embrace, touching a hand can not only lower stress levels but also boost the immune system and promote healing. Will the human touch become obsolete? Are we going to treat every illness, every virus through isolation? Are we losing our humanity?

Humanity is the human race, which includes everyone on Earth. It also defines the qualities that make us human, such as the ability to love and have compassion by helping one another, and not be a robot or alien.The word humanity is from the Latin humanitas for “human nature, kindness.” Humanity is about caring for and helping others whenever and wherever possible; it means giving a hand when they need it the most; it is about extending unconditional love to each other and every living being on Earth. Humaneness is the quality of compassion or consideration for others, people, and animals.

Love your neighbor as yourself – Mark 12:31

Do you believe that we find strength through unity? I certainly do, but it seems to have been replaced by Run for cover and forsaking all others save yourself! In the name of the good of all, most countries agreed to go into confinement, some more than others, at different stages, in a domino effect. The slogan everywhere is: Stay home until we say so! It seems incredible that this is happening on a worldwide level!

Life in Monaco under lockdown since March 17 is calm and very civilized. I just learned it will go on till May 3. The Prince’s Government has confidence in the population and vice versa, and decide the best way to protect the people. The Mayor and his team efficiently reorganized our local market in respect of social distancing measures. Additionally, they put together a vendors’ delivery system, including pharmacies, plus meals home delivery for those who need it. The Princess Grace Hospital created a special unit to treat patients affected by the virus who need extra care.

Additionally, they offer treatment consultation online for outpatients who remain in their homes, thus avoiding overcharging the hospital. The Government strengthened psychological assistance by establishing a call center providing support during self-isolation. I find it to be a very conscientious overall approach to the situation.

We may go outdoors for brief exercise or jogging or walk the dog, allowing our bodies to absorb the necessary Vitamin D from the sun, breathe fresh air, and feel alive. The Government demonstrates they care for the overall health of the people over and beyond the virus threat, applying common sense. We made the right decision moving to Old Europe end of 2003.

View of the Monte-Carlo Casino, April 5, 2020 @Celina Lafuente de Lavotha

The market in the Condamine organized during confinement, Monaco, April 5, 2020 @Celina Lafuente de Lavotha

Remnants of the Grand Prix installations in Port Hercule, Monaco, April 5, 2020 @Celina Lafuente de Lavotha

Deserted street in the heart of Monte-Carlo, Monaco, April 5, 2020 @Celina Lafuente de Lavotha

Boulevard des Moulins with its empty boutiques, Monaco, April 5, 2020@Celina Lafuente de Lavotha

In some countries, confinement rules are far stricter, and in some cases starting to be highly oppressive, forcing authoritarian practices on their people. Civil liberties that took so much effort to conquer are being challenged. While we are in a safe and comfortable position in the Principality, I do care what happens to other fellow citizens around the world, and it has direct consequences on all of us because we are interconnected.

On the other side of the spectrum, Sweden chose not to lockdown, exercising the right to national autonomy versus totally adhering to, what seems, harsh authoritarian “new world order” demands. The Government issued sanitary guidelines, but is totally confident on their people to take responsibility themselves.

While I agree that our planet is getting a deserved rest from our overconsumption, people around the world are already suffering the catastrophic consequences of the lockdown at a social, health, and economic level. In many countries, small and medium-sized businesses will face foreclosure, unable to ride the mounting crisis.  The stock market is a roller coaster crushing many. Has the world economy been purposely reset? If so, who will benefit? Follow the money. (A catchphrase in the film All President’s Men, 1976.) 

People living from paycheck to paycheck are not even able to buy goods to endure the quarantine. Millions are already losing their jobs everywhere, and with that, their sanity and livelihood, suicide, and domestic violence are on the rise, healthy people are suffering in isolation, many in very tight quarters. The bells of the church continue to ring calling worshipers but nobody is allowed in at a time they need it the most. These issues and many others are not making headlines in the media saturated by the virus.

Everybody anxiously wonders when this kind of house arrest will end in his or her country. It makes my skin crawl when I hear proposals of massive mandatory vaccination against “the virus,” as a certificate to get out of confinement, followed by tracking and digital control of the population. Isn’t compulsory vaccination against our human rights? Do we want biometric ID systems and big data algorithms to control our lives?

Keep close to nature’s heart!

I grew up in Argentina, playing the entire time outdoors; I could not wait to get out of the house and meet my friends on the street. We drank water from a hose, played in the dirt, run in the fields, and climbed trees! We got runny noses when we had a cold; we stayed in bed a few days, had plenty of vegetable soup and chamomile tea, and lots of gentle cuddling. Our smart and adaptive immune system did the rest. My adorable grandma, who was from Spain, told me that our body is a fortress with guards who run from place to place, seeking for invaders! She nurtured the belief in my immune system. I often say that living in a developing country helped me build antibodies that ward off diseases!

But do not take just my word for it; research shows that spending time in nature is good for our bodies, minds, and spirits. That makes me wonder why we are all under forced quarantine, not only people who are ill but also the majority who are healthy. Most don’t have sunny balconies, houses with gardens, or villas with a pool and lots of space, or live on a farm or in the mountains. Research indicates that social isolation and loneliness can affect physical and mental health, and long-term isolation even increases the risk of premature death. That makes me wonder: Is placing healthy people in quarantine worsening their health more than the virus itself? Every life matters!

I invite you to read an interesting article from Harvard Health Publications titled “A prescription for better health: go alfresco,” as well as studies published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology, that acknowledges the value of spending time out in the sunshine.

The benefits of being outdoors are many. To start higher levels of Vitamin D from direct sunlight, which is known to help fight off osteoporosis, cancer, and depression, and can modulate the innate and adaptive immune responses. It offers the potential for faster healing, as spending time in the sun could help you get over an illness or injury faster. Studies show that those exposed to more natural light have quicker recoveries and experience less pain than those exposed to artificial light.

When we are outside, we are more likely to engage in physical activity than being indoors. Going outside can get your brain moving thanks to the sensory stimulation that nature provides, providing a better sense of overall health. Psychologist’s studies link time spent out in fresh air and sunshine to greater vitality, thus helping our bodies become more resilient to illness. Spending time outside greater feelings of happiness – We have a natural connection to living things, so when we are out in nature, we feel we belong in our environment and foster a sunny disposition.As said in an article by the University of Rochester, “Being outside in nature makes people feel alive.” 

Yes, I do comply with the current social distancing and quarantine rules; we eat healthy thanks to living with a man who loves to cook, I take extra vitamins, go briefly for a jog outdoors, and workout inside to keep in shape. But that does not mean I stopped thinking and questioning!

Today’s Quote 

“No oppressive order could permit the oppressed to begin to question: Why?” Paulo Freire

Postcards from confinement

I am grateful for my friends around the world for contributing photos from their towns. I hope we will all be able to regain our freedom and visit each other soon!

Nice, France – Olivier Huitel, Chrystal Pictures

The man and the sea, Nice, France April 9, 2020@OH Chrystal Pictures

The lonely beaches, Nice, France, April 9, 2020 @OH Chrystal Pictures

Promenade des Anglais, Nice, France, April 9, 2020 @OH Chrystal Pictures

The priest outside his church, Nice, France, April 9, 2020 @OH Chrystal Pictures

Bergen, Norway – Joaquin Tiago

Bergen, Norway last week in February 2020@Joaquin Tiago

Bergen, Norway (2)last week in February 2020@Joaquin Tiago

Buenos Aires, Argentina – Juli Urmenyi

El Obelisco, Avenida 9 de Julio, Buenos Aires, Argentina April 5, 2020@Juli Urmenyi

Children’s park closed, Buenos Aires, Argentina April 5, 2020@Juli Urmenyi

View of Tribunales from Plaza Lavalle, Buenos Aires, Argentina, April 5, 2020 @Juli Urmenyi

Paris, France – Lorene Edelstam

Voltaire observing the tourists Paris April 5 2020 @Lorene Edelstam

The lonely jogger along Quai Anatole France, Paris, April 5, 2020. @Lorene Edelstam

Lonely tourists strolling by an empthy Les Deux Magots, Paris, April 5, 2020 @Lorene Edelstam

Lockdown park in Paris, April 5, 2020 @Lorene Edelstam

London, UK – Ella Montclare

Pink masks and pink flowers, Kensington Gardens, London, UK, April 7, 2020 @Ella Montclare

The masked jogger along Serpentine Lake, London, UK April 5, 2020@Ella Montclare

Lonely Jogger passing Prince Albert Memorial, Kensington, UK April 5, 2020 @Ella Montclare

Swans practising social distance at the Round Pond, Kensington, London, UK April 5, 2020@Ella Montclare

From my Rear Window, Nothing is What it Seems There are always two sides to a story In Zen thinking, "Nothing is what it seems"