#i literally had an emotional breakdown in front of my parents bc i had a week and a hafl of insomnia or very lucid dreams guys please help

[gnzma]

[ okay im sorry m yeyes are literally closing rn lmao ]

[liinos]

so 🥴 how I was literally crying bc my dad poked a mildly more than surface level subject and he asked me if I wanted to talk to someone and I said no

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

[huaanonigiri]

guys I'll say this one and I don't take criticism, or anything bc I won't change my mind. But Wanda Maximoff is the most powerful being in the MCU that I know of. Let me expalin: like many other heroes in Marvel, she's got a lot, and seriously, A LOT of trauma that have characterized her and made her who she is,we know that right? so, my argument is: Wanda, even after all she's been through, after losing everything she held close to her heart was taken away from her, has managed not to only stay strong, but to show just how strong and how much she can do even at her worst. For example, after loosing Pietro, we can see how, when she had her breakdown while fighting, she kinda like, activated some type of power wave that destroyed all the robots around her (rrwatch that scene if you don't get what I mean). Then we have Inifnity war. My girl literally managed not only to stop/greatly slow Thanos from advancing while breaking a FUCKING INFINITY STONE while ALSO killing her love (and the last person that she held close to her heart), which caused her to literally have an emotional breakdown literally in the middle of all of this scene, and she managed to achieve that goal of sacrificing her love and break the Mind Stone before Thanos could get to it. and not to add that she had to Watch Visión die by both hers and Tganos' hands, since Tahnos sued the Time Stone to reverse time and all that (which FOEDNT INVALIDATE and all the fact that Wanda managed to successfully stop him and destroying the mind stone while having an emotional breakdown and experienced a traumatic event). Not only that, but, because of her emotional state, she managed to create her own fake/desired reality of a whole ass town (BEING FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS THAT SHE HERSELF DID IT, SHE HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW WTF WAS GOING ON UNTILL LIKE, MID SEASON1). She also managed to fight an idk-how-old-but-surely-really-old witch that held a lot of knowledge about witchcraft (or well, the magic they possessed), more than heldef, who didn't even consider herself a witch, and come out victorious (and is currently learning from a surely-dangerous-that-contains-dark-spells spells book). what I mean to say is, Wanda, inher average, controlled emotional state, is very powerful itself, but when mixed with intense emotions she becomes a being so fesrfulling yet amazingly powerful.

Now, I'm sure many of you will come at me with soemthing about Thor or some other avenger. But let me argue with this: Wanda managed to unbalance Thor in AoU with her mind manipulation. Also, clearly has lost as much things as Wanda has, and I'm not trying to invalidate him, bc it's not about that, but he has something that she doesn't have: he has a new family, if I remember well after End Game he kinda joined (or went with) the Guardians of the Galaxy (but correct me if I'm wrong please). What I mean to say (regardless of who he ended up with), Thor was not left alone and found a place and people to be with. Meanwhile Wanda was all by herself: Steve: Dead. Natasha: Dead. Clint: unknown but surely being with his family and mourning Nat. Sam and Bucky (who were part of the CAP. Team so surely they must e bonded one way or another): not as close as the first three (I like to think she had a closer relationship with Nat and Clint, but still, even if that's not the case Clint had his own struggling and Idk why or how, but they separated paths, so that's that). She practically lost everyone who she held closest to her heart: Parents, Pietro, Vission, HER SONS! She was left to grief on her own with no one to reach to her, and while Thor has indeed lost the same things as her, he either already mourned them or (specifically in Loki's case) already knows how to deal with. But Wanda? no, she lost loved one after loved one. When she lost her parents, she only had her brother, and when she lost her brother she found love in Vision, died twice in a row (literally) in front of he, and after her fake/desired reality was broken because she unintentionally was hurting other and knew she had to stop, meanignt hat she didn't only had to let go of Vision, AGAIN, but also of her twin sons, of her PERFECT, HAPPY LIFE. Also, Thor is a God, so he obviously will be more powerful than mere humans, but that's the thing. For a simple human such as Wanda to be so fucking powerful, especially when her emotions are out of control (or even being aware of what she does), clesrly tells ME (and I enphasise in ME bc it's my opinion) that she is one of the lost powerful beings in the whole MCU (also, Thor missed killing Thanos the first time just bc he wanted to have some quick revenge talk, which was a mistake, and when he DID kill Thanos, it was never a real fight like in the end of Infinity War and End Game, so I wouldn't really count that. Meanwhile, I'm sure that Wanda wouldn't have hesitated even a bit, fuck revenge talk, decapitate the grape the moment the opportunity presents itself).

Also, if someone is going to mention Captain Marvel, my argument fort hat debate is that, as far as I know, CAP hasn't gone through the same thing as Wanda (unlike Thor), and her powers are always like, under control, because honestly, when you see when someone has true, strong power is when hey loose control of it (like when Wanda created her own fucking reality and mad eit what she wanted, which I really relate it with the Reality stone, but that's a talk for another day). What I mean to say is, Captain Marvel is strong, but when it comes to power, I honestly think Wanda has the upper hand 6and same with Thor, she's got the upper hand on both)

And this, people, is my analysis and explanation on why Wanda is the most powerful Avenger and character in the whole MCU (of what I've seen, since I havent like, watched or read ALL of what Marvel has). As I said, I take no criticism and I will not change my mind, also, this is MY PERSONAL OPINION, and I'm saying this bc I already see some ppl coming at me as I said the most insulting thing (everyone has opinions, and this is mine). So, all THAT being said, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[rowanfoster]

{ odeya rush ♔ twenty-three ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t rowan foster running around peach hollow. legend has it, she comes from tangerine towers and has lived here her entire life. if you’re wondering what she’s been up to, i hear she’s a make up artist / freelance musician for a living. she has been known to be impulsive yet insightful. a word of advice to her, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching.

why yes, it is i, admin kim, with another character that should’ve been kept in the drafts of my mind. if you’ve not met daysia or serenity, here’s a lil low down on me. i’m 26, i use she/her pronouns, and live on the east coast. i thrive on writing angst and my animal crossing villagers being happy. also caffeine. i luv chris klemens. most likely to have a mental breakdown on twitter. meet rowan! trigger warnings for mental illness, bipolar disorder specifically, and inpatient treatment

have a playlist and a pinterest board dedicated to her

rowan celeste foster was born may 27th, 1996. she’s the oldest of two, a baby sister coming to the scene in 1999.

her family is extremely close. they’ve been in peach hollow their whole lives. she grew up in a crowded house on blueberry boulevard, crammed in with her mother, father, sister, maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. rowan never knew peace or privacy growing up – it just wasn’t possible with that many people which has really contributed to her somewhat isolated adulthood

her mother is a charge nurse at peach hollow general, working on the emergency room floor. her father is a retired car salesman. her grandparents moved into the house when her sister was born in order to help take care of the girls while their parents worked full time. rowan is especially grateful for their care, because she feels like she’d be a little more sour had she been raised by absent parents.

growing up, she shared a room with her younger sister. they told each other everything because they had no choice not to. they both developed an interest in make up and music at very young ages, but rowan particularly took to those things while maci took more interest in sports. when rowan was gifted her first ukulele at age 6, maci got her first basketball. they are polar opposites, but maci was the only person rowan really confided in as a child and an adolescent.

she’d always been rather moody. tantrums and fits were nearly unavoidable. her self esteem lacked before she even had a chance to develop any confidence. she was always the try hard, the girl who stood out because she was just a little different, the emotional one, the one the other kids didn’t want to mess with, not because she’d fight back, but because she would absolutely lose it. there were countless times where rowan ended up in the guidance counselor’s office, waiting on her grandmother to show up and bring her home. that was the beginning of their problems.

her mental health really started to decline in her mid teenage years. she spent hours upon hours in her room, writing songs, playing guitar, practicing make up looks – she’d go days without sleeping and snap at anyone who crossed her path. she got into screaming matches with everyone in the house, only to find herself crying in her bed for the next few days. she started missing days at a time from school, while her artistry thrive, the rest of her crumbled. her grades, all of it.

eventually, this resulted in her parents yanking her out of peach hollow high and putting her in counseling, which lead her to a psychiatrist and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder at the age of 17. while it made sense, she dreaded taking the medications. they numbed everything. her writing suffered, and while her moods weren’t swinging from the trees anymore, she feared that this empty feeling was worse.

she finished her high school diploma in homeschooling with her grandmother while maci went on to thrive in school. the attention shifted to her, and rowan couldn’t really blame them. she turned 18 and started performing in clubs, bars, and anywhere she could get in. ps her voice is a mix of bishop briggs & mary lambert. the thrill of performing to small crowds sucked her in. she began to gain an even smaller following on social media, mainly the locals following her. every once in a while she’ll book a show in atlanta and she’ll make the long drive just to sing in front of a bit of a larger crowd. she’ll gain a few followers from those shows, but this still isn’t her main source of income.

most of her money comes from the make up artistry she does through pop of peach. she doesn’t go in every day, but when someone has an event scheduled or needs their make up done for a dance or something, she’s there. she tries to spread things out bc she’s always late lmao and finds it hard to stick to a schedule

she was doing so well for a few years, even moved out of her parents’ house and into an apartment at the towers. that’s where she really found herself, made some real friends and built relationships that were good for her. however, she missed a few doctor’s appointments and was discharged from her psychiatrist’s office. she went off meds, and for a few weeks it was fine. when she ran out of meds, the next few weeks were okay as well. it was when every single drop of medication had drained from her body that things got bad.

rowan was missing appointments she scheduled at pop of peach. she was spending far too much time out at nights, giving in to alcohol for the most part. she tried not to touch any drugs, but drinking became a nightly thing. she’d perform, then spend the rest of the night partying with whoever she could find at the venue.

one night in atlanta after a particularly shaky performance, rowan found herself in a dark place and simply went into the women’s bathroom to calm down, but police say they found her laying flat on the ground, refusing to respond to anyone. she vaguely remembers the end of the manic episode, but it did land her in the emergency room for a change in mental status.

much to her chagrin, they admitted her overnight before transporting her to skyland trail, a mental health facility in atlanta. she spend about two and a half months there getting medications regulated and learning new coping mechanisms. she was discharged about two weeks ago and finally made it back to peach hollow and her apartment.

she’d lead everyone other than her family and maybe one or two other people that she was away on a musician’s retreat, but really, was in inpatient treatment.

she’s currently working full time as a make up artist at pop of peach and performing when she can, but doesn’t really go outside of peach hollow

fun facts & personality

rowan despises small talk. conversations about the weather or political climate don’t stimulate her and she gets snarky pretty easily. it isn’t that she wants to come off rude or unapproachable, but nine times out of ten, small talk is fake and she feels as though she doesn’t have the time or energy to indulge in it. ask her about the sky or some shit. she won’t shut up

she has a tendency to overshare,  aside from what’s been going on in the past few months. her lips are sealed tight about that. however, she’s open to talking about her mental health and is a big advocate for erasing the stigma. this makes rowan a very good listener and a huge supportive presence for anyone struggling. she’s the mom friend, and no matter what time of day or night, if someone says they need an ear, she’ll go to them. she knows what it’s like to be alone.

despite her past and her demons, rowan finds a way to put on a smile. it might often be snarky or sarcastic, but rarely is it insincere. she’s an empath and feels everything so very deeply, but can easily put it away when necessarily.

her apartment is her safe haven. she rarely has company. it isn’t really her thing. she prefers to go to other people’s places. she has her record collection proudly displayed on her living room wall, all the plants you can imagine, incense burning whenever she’s home, and a scottish fold munchkin cat named loonette after her favorite childhood tv show, the big comfy couch. she has hopes to get another cat named molly to match. you know, because we’re all clowns !

she takes great pride in her instagram. it sounds superficial, but often times, rowan will post a good picture and then link to her next show in hopes that somebody will come based on that. while she does have a passion for make up and a second instagram for it, ultimately, she’d like for there to come a time where she can live solely on the money she makes through music

catch her driving her old ass ford focus blaring 00s alternative, mainly fuckin paramore bc she’s heart eyes for hayley williams

wanted connections if ya made it this far!!!!

childhood friends – those who she’s known since elementary school. they’ve most likely watched her go through her many trials and tribulations in class. these could be acquaintances, close friends, or even a ride or die or two.

bullies – people who fucked with her through school. it’s essential that they’re on bad terms currently, but perhaps an enemy turned friend or romantic could be fun??

group therapy pal – this would be super fun and might entail the person finding out about her secret…. msg me for deets

exes – there will be a couple of these, gender does not matter. i’d like to find one that she was dating when she went into treatment and maybe hasn’t seen/spoken to them since they’ve been back, first love, high school sweetheart?? omg possibilities are endless

flirtationship – self explanatory, gender doesn’t matter she’s pan

any other ideas literally lmk!! thanks for reading ♥

[sirenfm]

❛ ✶ ( MAIA MITCHELL, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ) spotted ! LORELEI GUNTHER was spotted singing along to GHOST by AWKWAFINA in hilton grove. you’ve heard of them right ? they are a TWENTY-TWO year old MUSICIAN who has already amassed a net worth of 30M. you should really follow them on insta @STARR, they’re about to hit 6.5M followers. the tabloids have been calling them the ISOLATO because they are known for being + OBSERVANT but also a bit - RECLUSIVE. though most people recognize them by THE RINGS OF SATURN, THE DIZZYING NEON OF THE DANCE FLOOR, SILVER STITCHED INTO WEIGHTLESS CHIFFON & BEING A SUPERNOVA SO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE FORGET YOU’RE A DYING STAR. — ooc info (alys. 22. est. she/her.)

hellooo!!!! woke up this morning to see hilton will probably be opening today so i realized i better write my intro. i’m ally, i have Depression and too much time on my hands, and those are two things i have in common with my muse, lorrie!!!!! she’s like a hannah montana/lady gaga type pop star. pls like this post for me to hyu on discord !! 

(cc/vc: lorde) 

background. (tl;dr at bottom)  

born to a lower class family in boston, ma, into the gunther name which were once great musicians back in austria. her father took this very seriously and so named her brothers after composers (johann and wolfgang) and herself after the siren of the rhine. 

he wanted very badly for them to be successful in music and in life, so lorrie had a lot of pressure from the outset. also, her parents went through a very messy divorce early in life.

she developed severe anxiety by the time she was in first grade, and was diagnosed selectively mute. the only people she would talk to for years were her brother wolfy, and her oma, who lived with them. 

did manage to get some treatment and eventually recovered, mostly thanks to her oma, who taught her how to express herself, mostly through music. 

her oma died two years later, when lorrie was thirteen. since then, she’s basically had a mental breakdown every three months at least. 

even then, she dedicated herself to her music, even though her father had long since given up on her. but johann, while diligent, proved not to have the passion required, while wolfy, who had the passion, refused to be diligent, and eventually left the family on bad terms. 

lorrie also, strangely, found some confidence in drama class; it was easier to be someone she wasn’t than the person she was. after her first time onstage without bursting into tears, her friends convinced her to try out for the school talent show, knowing she was a singer-songwriter. 

she managed to get through her audition, but at the actual show? she froze. she couldn’t stand to be herself in front of everyone. 

slowly, she realized she could be somebody else. a few months later during a sleepless night, the kind where she’d usually cut her hair or redecorate her entire room, she went to the local walmart and bought every glittery thing she could find. she wouldn’t sing as herself, she’d sing as someone else, even write as someone else.  

and when one of her classmates had a filmography project and wanted to do a music video, the fifteen year old lorrie offered her song. 

that video was called starr - “royals”, and within a few days of it being uploaded, it went viral. 

it wasn’t until a universal rep knocked on the gunthers’ door that lorries father even acknowledged her success. and acknowledge it, he did. 

lorrie hated how affectionate her father had become all of a sudden, but someone had to accompany her to los angeles to record her ep. 

she hated los angeles, not only for what it did to her father, but what it did to herself, too. starr was how she presented herself to the public, she became the crutch lorrie used to get through these schmoozing conversations. where lorrie was awkward and nervous, starr was graceful, mysterious, intriguing. 

also, drugs. way too many drugs. 

by the time her first album went platinum, she realized that her father was wasting her money on all kinds of things. they had a blowout fight one night and, even though she was only seventeen, she emancipated herself and locked her father out of all of the accounts. she also left la. 

(this is probably around the time she started dating her melodrama ex, after she left la). 

after her second album, she settled in hilton grove because it was quiet, far from california, and a place where nobody batted an eye at a famous figure, let alone a famous figure out of costume. 

tl;dr heiress to a musical legacy overcomes social anxiety via faking until making, goes viral, becomes a teenage pop star, sues own father for control of her estate, leaves la and tries to remember how to be herself.

personality. 

shes…. aloof. reclusive. a bit of a weirdo. she either doesn’t want to talk to you or, if you’re close to her or catch her in the right mood, she will literally talk your ear off.

doesn’t really ever access her emotions, or at least doesn’t acknowledge them.

she really is a whole mess. all of her songwriting is done during white nights of random inspiration.

she’s better when she has, like, a schedule, but she’s still kind of a mess its a thing.

loves conspiracy theories will talk about them forever. also big into astrology and divination.

aquarius sun scorpio moon pisces rising so like………… she has no chill

an excellent mimic but out of character her voice is very monotone and flat, doesn’t really smile all that much. shes probably a robot.

so sarcastic someone tell her to shut the fuck up

queer as hell

moves like an mf cat. can very easily sneak up on you. someone get her a fucking bell

she went to rehab on the deep deep dl and now really only smokes weed and drinks socially. its one of her proudest accomplishments.

definitely moving away from the starr character as she gains more confidence in herself. also finds it stunting her musical growth.

kind of terrified to love because it means being Known.

her finsta/private insta is @lorilies 

also she has bleached blonde hair but i’ll be using brunette maia for like gif icons and snap icons bc there’s. not enough blonde maia pics.

you know ya girl included some tik toks for lorrie

her default when alone in her house

she cute when she’s high as a kite

her manager won’t let her have a tik tok bc she’s do shit like this

her philosophy, nay, her religion

wanted connections. 

ex-lover. yknow the one she wrote melodrama about. she’s highkey clingy and bad in relationships So. open to all genders. (1/1) 

best friend.  self explanatory; there through thick and thin. (1/1)

enemy. a rival artist? a neighbor with high standards? idk lets get creative lets get spicy (0/3)

confidante. tells them things she doesn’t like to admit. bonus if they will smoke weed with her (0/1)

good influence. someone help her get her life together (0/1)

bad influence. she used to be a party girl, so. its not Hard. (0/1) 

flirtationship. a general will they won’t they; i need some romance y'all. (0/1?)

pls anything talk to me i’m so lonely 

[katsutomos]

hello, i’m kosmo (she/her) and i’m v excited to be here hehehe! thank u for having me! ;; also i didn’t realise that both kosmo and tomo end the with the same letters & now i wanna d*e but oh well pls ignore that! (: anyw, i’m here introduce TOMO!! there’s probably some stuff i left out here but it ended up having a word count of almost 2.5k so i’m just going to stop myself while i’m ahead! i’ll finish off my stats & bio pages soon and then i’ll try to think up some plots but here’s all this for now!

(tw: suicide mention, brief drug mentions)

BASIC STATS

NAME / tomo katsumura; his full name is tomohiko but nobody calls him that except his mum & grandparents like literally everybody else knows him as tomo NICKNAMES / technically, tomo IS a nickname but he’s so used it that not using a nickname with him is :knife emoji: -- also katsutomo but that one’s more of fan-title-nickname rather than one he actually uses (as much as he came up with it himself tweeting it out like ‘you guys can call me katsutomo from now on if you like ^^’ before changing all his handles to that exact name). other than that, he’s a bit iffy about nicknames. he likes them if HE came up with them but giving him a nickname is usually Yikes City (unless he decides it’s cute and lets u do it, i guess) AGE & DOB / twenty-three & 6th november 1995 BIRTHPLACE / LA, USA ETHNICITY / japanese OCCUPATION / actor! he dabbles in modelling but it’s more of an ‘i got asked to model this thing bc i’m famous and they’re paying me (:’ type deal than it being something he’s actually personally into. whereas acting is his PASSION.

EARLY LIFE

to start with, let’s talk about his parents; his dad, born and raised in america, was an actor who eventually made a move into directing but ultimately committed suicide at age 38 & his mother, born and raised in japan, is a socialite who had started off as a teen idol in the 80s. his parents had also divorced when tomo was still young, a few years before his dad’s death, so he uses his mother’s surname. tomo does not get on with her but, thanks to the sense of guilt she’s raised into him, he can’t bring himself to cut her out of his life completely. 

basically, she’s got hang ups about the way her idol career ended so she kind of pushed tomo into the spotlight (which was fine for him because he wanted to act) but she grew envious of him after he got out of his teens and doesn’t like the decisions he makes. it’s a mutual issue. they mostly don’t get on because they can’t see eye to eye or really speak to each other at length without arguing.

his mum actually wanted him to break into acting when he was about nine because he’d already taken an interest in it by then. because her career had ended early, she took the approach of ‘he won’t be cute forever, what if we wait too long and he loses his chance?’ but his father, who had his own issues with the industry, strongly disagreed. this disagreement was one small contributing factor for their divorce; they had plenty of other issues as well but this didn’t help. their compromise was that tomo could wait until he was in his teens and this deal was mostly held up because tomo thought it was wrong to break a promise with a dead guy.

to be clear though, he’d probably have issues with his dad too if he were still alive (and he’s not exactly super fond of him as it is; he doesn’t hate him but he doesn’t like being asked about being his son). he was kind of a shit husband and, if it weren’t for the fact he didn’t see tomo as often as he’d like, he’d probably be a pretty distant father as well. his work was pretty much his main priority and he had a lot of personal issues that he took out on other people.

tomo grew up in LA for the most part but also spent a lot of time in japan, mostly jumping between osaka, where his mother’s family lived, and tokyo, where his mother’s friends and connections & his father’s extended family lived. the family stopped travelling quite as much after his father’s death and tomo’s reaching high school age. he grew up bilingual.

CAREER

he started acting professional when he was 16, mostly with a few smaller tv roles but he had good connections and was able to get a small but still substantial role in the film directed by a friend of his dad. his big break came at age 18 when he landed a leaded a role in the main cast of high school drama. it was exciting at first, being on tv and being famous, but he hated both the show and his character so the whole thing got tired fast. he wasn’t allowed to quick so he went out of his way to get himself fired. there’s a whole story behind that but i’ll leave that for the bio hehehe! (he wanted his character to get killed off bc he thought it’d be fun to act out but they wouldn’t let him do that ): boooo)

one of his biggest issues with the tv show was that he didn’t like being sold as a product / character that wasn’t anything like him. he hated being shown off as this squeaky clean teen heartthrob type and not being allowed to have his own emotions & tastes. he found it mentally exhausting and, since then, he’s had a lot of issues dealing with the contrast between how he is as a person and how he’s seen by the media. he tries not to admit it but he’s terrified of being swallowed up by what other people think of of him and losing track of himself in the process. it’s made him a little paranoid.

since then, he’s avoided tv as much as possible. he prefers working on films in general but he finds the idea of playing the same character for too long incredibly unappealing. he enjoys taking on new roles and absorbing himself in that character & sometimes to the point of bordering on obsession so playing the same role not only plays into his fears of people seeing him as someone he’s not (i.e; whatever character it is) but he’s also scared of seeing HIMSELF the wrong way. he needs the separation.

tomo likes working on indie films or more artistic/niche studio films most of all. the promotion cycle isn’t as intensive and the characters tend to appeal to him more. he has appeared in a few blockbuster-type films but mostly because his bosses have pushed him into it or he’s had to taken on a multiple film contract with a studio in order to land a role he really wanted. (he once got int trouble for calling his own character in a blockbuster a ‘dumb bitch’ on twitter)

the bratpack article had a pretty heavy impact on him. it kinda just spoke to all of his worst fears of not really being a Real Person or being Sold A Certain Way. he wanted to get away from it without having to actually stop working because it’s the one thing that really keeps him stable. his eventual means of escape was a role in a japanese film. he’s been living in japan since then, having moved there to specifically hunt out a film to work on, to get used to the japanese industry/prepare himself and then get to filming. he’s come to milan straight from tokyo, not having seen any of the other brats in person during that time, but he’s had time to relax. sort of. 

PERSONALITY

for the most part, tomo’s a friendly and energetic guy! (living up to his name a lil bit here bc tomo can mean ‘friend’ in japanese hehehe) when he’s at his best, he’s great company. he likes to stand out in a crowd, has a winning smile and enjoys a little bit of attention but also knows when to step back and look out for other people. he likes to play as hard as he works. the trouble is that, when things aren’t going well and he’s distressed, he tends to collapse in on himself. behaviour that seemed playful before looks straight up stupid and reckless instead. he’ll avoid attention but get frustrated because he craves it and do more reckless shit for attention. yet he’s pretty good at pretending shit’s fine, he’s still weirdly positive for a guy who feels all messed up — maybe he gets away with it because he’s a good actor. tomo has good days and bad days but there’s little warning as to which is which. it wasn’t always this way; it’s like something has broken his spirit. (i copied this from my app but asdghgsdf)

that’s why his archetype is The Contradiction,,,bc he doesn’t make any fuckin sense, woooeee! he’s this very bouncy, upbeat person and he likes having fun but he’s not really a very positive person in terms of outlook. he’s too high energy! his general vibe is everything’s going to shit but i’m going to have a good time anyway :D

actually, on that note...he IS :D

he doesn’t like crying in front of people which is rough bc he’s v emotional all the time. he’s a total crybaby when he’s drunk. if you drink with him, there WILL be a point at which you have to scoop him up off the floor because he’s found something over which to start weeping. OR he’ll end up calling you to panic about how he can’t find his way home, only for him to realise like 5 minutes later he’s phoning you from the steps outside his apartment building.

the kind of guy who can have a full-on breakdown in his room by himself and then just reappear & ask u if u wanna go for ice cream or smth bc he’s bored. like ok that’s done with, that already happened. it’s over.

anyw he’s always willing to give ppl advice if they’re feeling stuck. it’s not always great advice bc he’s basically shit at dealing with stuff himself. he’s not one of these ppl who gives great advice but can’t follow it himself, he’s more...he gives advice bc he’d feel bad if he didn’t TRY so the advice itself definitely varies in quality. he means well though.

don’t watch funny films with him because he will do one of either things; 1) not find it funny and sit through the whole thing like : | or 2) he’ll find it so funny that he’ll end up on the floor at some point. there’s no in between. it’s all or nothing with this fucker.

he really likes cute shit. he’s rich so there’s nothing stopping him from buying those overpriced limited edition hello kitty goods.

let’s not talk about how he enjoys acting bc it’s an escape where he can be Somebody Else but he can’t cope with himself being promoted as something that doesn’t feel like Tomo. that’s its own mess. i’m p sure he’d just unravel if anybody said anything about it.

OTHER STUFF

his hair is currently bright red. it’s a recent change but he was like ‘uhhhh if i’m going on this trip, i’m making a visual statement’ and that was that. he likes to go for more interesting colours when he’s not filming anything because it’s the only time he really gets to. i mean, he still has dyed hair in a lot of his films but it’ll usually be brown or blonde or something else more ‘realistic’.

tomo cares a LOT about the way he dresses and styles himself. he’ll probably complain if he has to do a promo/magazine shoot and he doesn’t like the outfit he’s been given. it doesn’t actually help him half the time and he just gets told to shut up but it’s the PRINCIPLE of it !!!!!!!!

he posts on his finsta probably way too often but that’s because his public social media is pretty filtered, given that he’s caused fusses on social media before. there have been multiple cases of him having to delete tweets and instagram posts because somebody in charge decided he was pushing the limit just a little too much and, granted, most of it wouldn’t be seen as risky (bc it’s mostly utterly pointless stuff that gets flagged up as risky, e.g; ‘i need to pee and i can’t find a bathroom. death is coming for me.’) if he hadn’t publicly complained about the tv show that made him famous several times on twitter but he did do that so, y’know, he’s seen as a liability. the unfortunate outcome of this is that his finsta story is often littered with fairly inane thoughts.

he’s not very good at watching himself in films. it depends on the film and he can do it but uhhhh let’s just say he once watched the one horror film he was in at the cinema (and didn’t like most of it bc he’s a wuss about that sort of thing) but he laughed during his own death scene. there were tears in his eyes. real tears.

he doesn’t like dating because...well, he likes the IDEA of it but he’s the type to really fall for someone and BASICALLY? he’s scared of being dumped! he’s a bright & appealing personality with just enough edge to balance it out but he’s a bit of an emotional screwball and getting people interested is easier than keeping them interested, leading to mixed experiences with dating so he’s settled for sleeping around a little instead. oh well, whatever works! (does it actually work? shhhh it’s a secret...)

he’s very much involved in the party scene, whatever country he’s in. it’s not something he talks about much (privately, i mean, bc DUH he doesn’t say it publicly) but he doesn’t exactly avoid drugs in anyway (code for...yeah, he’s done stuff). it’s all casual, he says, but he still does it. he does smoke cigarettes though and he’s a little dependent on that.

also i guess he got involved in that kinda thing deliberately because he wants to distance himself from the clean-cut, shiny heartthrob pretty boy image as much as possible. eventually, it just became a natural way of de-stressing and dealing with the constant frustration of his career. the unfortunate consequence of that is that he’s now got a bit of a Bad Boy/Wild Child image and he’s not entirely sure he likes that either. (the shift in image also means that some journalists will talk about him as though he’s ‘gone off the rails’ and, yeah, he hates that as well)

[naeshitsherlock]

I would put this under a read more under the cut or whatever but I’m on mobile and I don’t think I can so basically I just need to dump this here to put it in my diary tag for future reference and posterity etc

So I’ve been back to watching crazy ex gf on Netflix after a long break (watching too much at once makes my own personality go a little crazy so I gotta be careful) and it helped me realise the context of my brain a little better. Unfortunately I can’t find the exact scene on YouTube so I gotta send the script quote instead which has less impact

...so I can’t even find the quote so maybe I paraphrased it in my dream idk. But anyway, not the point. So Rebecca has an emotional collapse and just... gives up. Like wholly and completely. Overdosed on antianxiety pills and gets sent to hospital for a psych evaluation bc clearly she’s not right

And this new doctor comes along and tells her he’s talked to her therapist and checked out her symptoms and thinks he’s maybe got a real accurate diagnosis for her

And it suddenly fills her with so much hope, and she sings this incredible song that might stay in my heart forever

https://youtu.be/nK2DlLmVc20

“Fake it til you make it” is my absolute motto I live by bc I always felt like I don’t feel like other people do. If I get caught up in the moment of something then I can have fun, sure, but generally? Day to day? I mostly just exist inside my own violet thoughts

Everything is just a hazy dark purple

So she sings this song about finally, _*finally*_ having hope that somebody can tell her why she feels how she feels and that there’s a way to cure it

And she’s looking at people who have mental illnesses and says ‘perfect they’re not but at least they know who they are’ (I’ll come back to this part later for another reason)

And that hit me like a ton of bricks

So I’ve been on antidepressants now for three years, but over those years I’ve tested a whole bunch and different concentrations (wait, doses? Science brain takes over sometimes) and even though the one I’m on now makes me feel... I guess stable, I still don’t feel... good

And every time I see my doctor she asks if it could be better

And it’s so hard to remember what I was like _before_ I started taking meds, but then I saw this episode and it just smacked me up the head

Like if you go from having long hair to bald, it’s an easy comparison, yeah? But what if you just chop centimetres at a time until there’s nothing left

It’s so hard to compare between what it was and what it now is

Just sort of realising that knowing what your problem is is a huge weight off your shoulders and I realised how different I am now from me back then

And then I was watching this and Rebecca was like ‘it’s too much effort to do things or see people or go outside or even just exist’ in the most heartbreaking voice, like completely not a deadpan joke, just absolutely broken down and reduced to basal nothingness, and I got like a sudden timetravel moment back to those feelings

When I was in high school I couldn’t hang out with my friends bc of anxiety. My mum forced me into the car to drop me off once and she had to drive me home after I couldn’t stop sobbing in front of my friends for 10 minutes telling them that I really wanted to hang out with them but I felt physically atrocious and was about to throw up my entire gastroinstestinal system

Realistically, one of my biggest issues is that I haven’t even been diagnosed with depression. I’m taking antidepressants but my doctor has never outright stated that I have depression

And even though I’m rational and I know the symptoms add up, there’s still this really quiet voice in the smallest corner of my brain rejecting it

Even back last year when I was in a flat by myself and not working bc I couldn’t find a job, I had... at least two absolutely gut wrenching breakdowns

I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe, like a goddamn baby who can’t use their words to convey their feelings

And it sucked even more bc I CAN use words and I SHOULD be able to convey my feelings, and I just can’t

I cried for almost two hours

It was an awful wail/shriek and once I stopped hyperventillating it would start again

I’ve had anxiety literally as long as I can remember. I was never able to hang out with friends or go to a bathroom without my mum in a restaurant or even just go to a shop and buy something at the checkout until I started uni, and even then it was such a struggle getting through that

I still have that anxiety but now I’m able to boss it around better, but even then I shit myself when I have to go to a shop alone or just... have a professional opinion? Because I feel like an absolute fake

My entire being is just consumed by ennui (the most accurate definition being ‘a crippling listlessness’)

Even going to the doctor, I know it helps, but every month I get anxiety over making the appt, getting the train, seeing the receptionist, talking to the doctor, filling the prescription, making a future appt for the next month, getting the train back, and getting back to my flat

And the whole thing takes ~2h a month but it absolutely destroys me bc it’s not... I guess it’s not enough

I’ve never been seriously suicidal and I hope I never will be, but at the same time one of the reasons is... you have to have an actual desire to kill yourself

I don’t know the last desire I ever had

When I was in high school and my sister almost died in hospital from anorexia I had a complete break, bc my parents just went distant and I probably saw my mother... less than an hour a day. While I was 16. Once I woke her up to tell her I was going to school and instead of saying morning she said ‘I think your sister is going to die’

8am that happened at

I had to then deal with the anxiety of ‘how do I deal with going from being the older sister to the only sister’

If I could pinpoint a moment where I broke? That would be it

...getting back to your original point about how nice it would be to _live_?

I’ve never lived

Not once in my life

That’s why i was trying so hard with online dating even though I hate it so much, because I just want to figure out who the fuck I am and maybe that’ll help me live

It’s similar to the depression - I’ve never had the label so I don’t feel comfortable knowing what’s wrong

I can’t say ‘oh I have the flu, that’s why I feel shitty so it’s ok’

I’m never ok with feeling shitty just _because_, there’s almost always a reason

‘Perfect they’re not but at least they know who they are’ is the one thing keeping me going, that maybe if I work out who/what I am then I’ll start enjoying my existence

I have no major problems, nothing financial or emotional or physical, I’m privileged and surrounded by a support system I guess but I’ve still always felt an extreme detatchmebt

Recently I’ve found myself being super bitter and jealous towards things like the LGBT community bc it’s people celebrating their identity, and I feel like I don’t have one

And yeah ok I can tell myself things like ‘it’s fine to not have a plan’, ‘it’s ok to not know who you are you just need to find yourself’, ‘it’s alright not to get married and be in a committed relationship’, but there’s always part of me that can’t accept those things

[intothespideyverses]

so I had a season 2b/3 predictions post in my drafts that’s been sitting there since the bar mitzvah episode but now that so many Things have happened I feel like I kinda need to redo it. funnily enough I predicted juffy (but it was one-sided), ham having a midlife crisis (although the midlife crisis was linked to ham having a health scare that caused him to try to ‘live every day like its his last’ and not ham being so Done with his family that he just leaves them for india) and the post also mentions tyrus and g*briel coming back (neither have been been confirmed yet but they’re very likely) so! here’s my New and Improved list of Season 3 Predictions/Ideas:

[Disclaimer: I doubt a lot of this will happen bc my mind automatically goes for the most melodramatic scenario. This is still disney channel and they’re too cowardly to go thru with like half of this tbh. also tw for minor abuse mention!]

The G*briel Plot

-g*be comes back and reminds bex of “””why she can never marry anyone””” just as bowie is about to bring up maybe getting back together again. the reason why they shot a wedding scene and the whole green screen thing is bc bex has a nightmare about marrying bowie but then everyone’s heads turn into gabe’s. the following is literally copy and pasted from the first post and tbh I don’t think things will happen this way anymore (I originally thought miranda wasn’t going to be a snake and that her and bowie would get married, leading bex to run back to g*briel so andi could have a father figure in her life again) but it’s still a p interesting plot I think so: g*be’s an abusive asshole. it’s still disney so I doubt they’d show that much but like…he’s very manipulative and he kisses bex really hard all the time in front of everyone and he’s super possessive, etc. he gives bex the silent treatment every time she hangs out with bowie and thus the whole “ask if they’re mad 3 times” thing and on the third time he always yells at her in front of andi. andi notices all of this and tells bowie but bowie thinks she’s just saying that to break bex/gabe up so she can get back with bowie. that is until he witnesses the tomfoolery himself when the couples are on a double date so bowie takes her aside and starts questioning her but bex lies and this whole ugly thing continues on for several episodes until bex and satan have one last fight that goes too far (he says something about andi probably) thats about to get physical and andi strolls in w/ a phone in her hand like 91 fucking 1 bitch. pack your bags ur going home rat! and he’s finally gone and andi tells bex that she doesn’t need another dad if it means bex puts herself thru that kinda torture. and they have another closure ceremony <3

The Divorce Plot

-ham decides to permanently travel the world. he probably comes back for an episode to get cece to sign them divorce papers. this starts a huge plotline that will probably get ignored after 2 episodes lbr here but we finally see cece SNAP bc the way she’s been behaving lately has definitely been leading up to that

-bex is going off the rails at this. she starts slacking at work and the business that caused the rift in her parents’ marriage in the first place is starting to fall apart. the light bill is going unpaid and bex is crumbling. she doesn’t want anyone to know so she makes andi stay at cece’s while she’s living in darkness. bowie visits one day and is like “tf happened to the lights” and bex has a breakdown. she tells him everything and bowie comforts her and offers to help (how? who the hell knows!). bex is so touched that she admits to having feelings for bowie still. bowie turns her down tho bc she’s in a rly emotional state and doesn’t want to take advantage of her. 

-andi eventually finds out what’s been going on and tells cece. cece is the last person bex wanted to know about cloud ten struggling, as cloud ten was the only thing keeping cece sane. they eventually have a heart-to-heart and bex/andi encourage cece to get some closure from ham

The Wandi Plot/Death of Jandi

-wandi rises. they resolve to just be friends at the end of season 2 but after a lot of things that I’ll mention later, andi realizes walker was the one for her :’). they paint a mural alongside cloud ten and cece makes some offhand comment about them becoming a painting duo, which they LOVE. they go around the town offering to paint on the walls of local businesses and it’s rly cute. god can you imagine the montages?? andi is in puppy love however we have like 5 episodes of her despairing over if walker even LIKES her anymore after months of just being friends. the roles are reversed and she’s the one doing all these things to get his attention. bc he’s not an oblivious Fool like jonah, walker picks up on this relatively fast and wandi is official!!

-that leads us to what will come of jandi? they perish of course. andi starts getting jealous of jonah hanging out with all these high school girls and naturally there’s more and more miscommunication and jonah whines about her friendship with walker etc etc etc just break up already god. andi eventually realizes that she’s just not feeling it and she puts her foot down to bex that he’s just not right for her!! bc tbh at this point the only reason she still fw jonah is bc of bex’s constant encouragement 

The Tyrus Plot

-tyrus happens obviously. if we ever actually get a real apology from tj (which I’m doubting at this point lol) this can happen smoothly. I kinda imagine tj trying to teach cyrus how to swim (swimming is definitely on cyrus’ list of things he can’t do) and the first time it happens tj is SO sure cyrus will be able to do it that he lets him go out on the deep end on his own and uh lmao ya boi almost drowns. buffy’s there and she saves him and she tells tj to stay away from cy bc hello he could’ve McDied and tj, crushed over the fact that cyrus could’ve met a watery grave, actually does what she says. cyrus tells buffy that it was his dumbass decision to go on the deep end tho, and tj didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, so buffy relents. cyrus practices by himself and makes it his goal to learn how to swim in order to impress tj. he invites tj to the neighborhood pool one day as a surprise and he just like...cannonballs into the deep end (but he’s STILL not ready) and again almost fucking dies. tj saves him and he starts yelling at him a la titanic (”you’re SO stupid rose why’d ya do that huh???”) and then tj lets it slip that he would’ve mcfreaking lost it if something ever happened to cyrus bc “you mean a lot to me underdog” or w/e and during this whole rant cyrus realizes that he’s floating!! and he’s like yes bitch i did it im swimming! and tj’s so happy for him that he kisses him and cyrus almost drowns again from shock but it’s all good lol. maybe tj avoids him for a bit after the kiss bc cyrus’ reaction seemed like a rejection, but it wasn’t cyrus was honestly just shook to the core. 

-cyrus lets tj know that he likes him too and they start dating. they definitely keep it a secret from the ghc for a while, probably until the midseason finale. maybe jonah finds out first and that’s how cyrus comes out to him and tells him that he used to have a crush on him too. jonah is flattered and cool w/ it. anyway at first tj doesn’t like going on rly public dates with cyrus, not bc he’s ashamed of him or anything, but bc he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of cyrus (he can take ugly remarks but he’d hulk out if anyone touched a hair on cyrus’ head). cyrus doesn’t care tho and the one time they go on a date, some kids from tj’s school (he’d be in high school by season 3 right?) start messing with them. tj does in fact hulk out but only when one of the demons says something about cyrus. cyrus hauls tj off the creep and they talk in private about not wanting to live in fear but also not wanting to get harassed everywhere they go. when cy tells andi, she tells them that maybe they’d be safer if they went on double dates with her and walker, and so that’s a thing and its cute

The Juffy Plot

-anyway by the season 3b, both wandi and tyrus are thriving. they all hang out a lot leaving buffy to feel like a fifth wheel. she hides it tho bc does she ever express her feelings? she soon finds out that jonah is feeling the same way, and he thinks andi and cyrus don’t rly want to hang out with him anymore. buffy starts inviting jonah to all their outings and anytime the two couples are on a double date or something, buffy and jonah decide to do something else together on their own. cyrus takes note of this and tries to push buffy to ask jonah out since they’re practically dating already but she refuses bc he’s still andi’s ex and that violates girl code or w/e. 

-she goes to bex for advice! but she uses a hypothetical situation instead and changes names. bex, unaware that she’s telling buffy to go after her daughter’s ex, tells her to follow her heart but keep it a secret. meanwhile, jonah is slowly but surely realizing his feelings for buffy, and goes to bowie for advice. bc jonah’s a fool, he doesn’t know buffy has any feelings for him whatsoever, and he asks bowie how he can make her see him That Way. bowie, recycling ideas, tells him to perform a song for her but to do it as if he was just practicing and wanted to see if she thought it was a good song. jonah also doesn’t tell bowie that this is all for buffy lol. 

-so jonah invites buffy to the record store to hang out while wandi and tyrus are doing wandi and tyrus things. he plays some song for her (chemistry perhaps?? i still haven’t heard it yet but if its as good as y’all say...) and buffy is all heart eyes!! until she assumes that he wrote that song for another girl. there’s more unnecessary tiptoeing and drama for an episode until jonah notices that there’s something Up with buffy (she started avoiding him) and demands to know what’s going on. she doesn’t feel like talking about fEeLiNgS so instead he challenges her to arm wrestle. if she wins, she has to fess up. buffy’s like “um?? so all I have to do is let you win” but jonah’s like “like you would ever do that lmao”. she almost lets him win but bc he starts taunting she slams his mf arm into the table!! she fesses up and jonah’s like :D bc duh bitch that song was for you this whole time. they keep it a secret bc of bex’s foolish advice but eventually cyrus finds out and tells them to tell andi. andi’s upset at first but she gets over it. the three couples live in harmony 

The High School Plot

-we see more of the high school now that jonah (and tj?? unless he has to repeat a grade which is seeming likely actually) are there. jonah, who’s used to being the big man on campus, gets bullied for liking frisbee so much and is shamed into doing a “real sport” instead. he hates it and is miserable. he puts on a good face for the ghc bc he doesn’t want them to know he’s struggling. it eventually all comes crashing down when he has another panic attack (the first one in a while after starting therapy WHICH HE BETTER). also we get a look at his home life, I hc that he’s adopted and has a lot of foster siblings that have a lot of their own issues, so he constantly downplays his own bc he doesn’t want to be a “burden” and be abandoned again

-amber becomes a part of the crew and hopefully maybe just maybe is a lesbian. she starts hanging out with a bunch of sapphic baddies. she and jonah become friends and they help each other with their respective mental illnesses 

-through jonah, buffy makes friends with the high school track lesbians <3 they adopt her. one of them tho is Evil and is jealous that some middle schooler is getting all of this attention from the captain so she tries to break buffy’s fucking leg akjhskjdhds I told y’all this was melodramatic 

das it. disney you can send my paycheck to [redacted] within 10-12 business days.

[euph0rictulips]

the last five weeks

It's been a month and about a week now. I feel happy right now, which is a first for about the last three weeks. not happy like I'm over the moon and love life and want to go around kissing random people on the cheeks because that's just what I do, but happy enough to not want to consider how it'd feel if I took a knife to the skin a little too deep. I'm kinda content, just getting by. I mean, the truth is I haven't slept properly for like four weeks because I have insomnia and can't go to sleep even if I wanted to anyways so I stay up till 4:11 am on nights exactly like these thinking way too much about things I wish my mind didn't have to think about. And the truth is I can't even physically get up in the mornings because my body is in so much pain and because of my insomnia, the days I do fall asleep I have horrible dreams that trigger my anxiety which result in me waking up awfully late and having an intense desire to just not go to school because I know I'll see a certain person there and I know I'll just have another breakdown because that's all I seem to have these days, and if I have a breakdown I'll miss out on class because I'll be fucking throwing up in the toilet again with tears streaming down my face and wishing I could die right there, but then I make it to class with only 7 minutes left to go and I get home and just eat my problems away and stay inside or distract myself with work or with musical or with anything that doesn't remind me about that certain person, and then everything just turns to shit. my heart just always feels so empty now and I try to keep going because I'm not fizzah syed if I don't keep going because I'm a beautiful, strong young girl so I put everything into just living and breathing and getting by Day by day. but I still hate it because I'm not over you and I'm still in love with you and everyone just thinks I'm this crazy bitch who hacked into your Facebook account because YOU spread the rumor that I did even though I swore on my life and my moms life bc she's all I have left and you used that against me and told everyone and everyone just thinks I'm a horrible human being, and they probably don't think I deserve to die because if someone thinks someone deserves to die there's something seriously messed up with them. But it's okay because I never listened to people's advice anyways, and only my own, and my advice everyday is telling me to pick up that knife and run it along my skin the days it gets too much and I'm bawling my eyes out and can't stop shaking back and forth because I'm having a panic attack because you decided to talk about all these hot girls at your business course intentionally right in front of me to spite me and it broke me inside and you decided to tell all these people who are supposedly "your friends" that I hacked into your account and they gave me so much shit for it one night that I couldn't stop crying so I just got up and went to the kitchen and got the sharpest knife we had because I didn't have anything else and I just sank that into my thigh and it hurt, it hurt so damn much that I couldn't breathe and there was blood all over my bed and on my legs and the knife was laying on the floor on my carpet and I just stopped crying because it hurt so much but at least it stopped the crying, but it never stopped the heavy breathing looking at all that blood and how shit my life had gotten. And people have a nickname for me and everyone gives me shit all the time in group chats and in class and in real life to do things to spite me and I don't know how much more of this pain I can endure before I realize I really don't want to be a part of this world anymore. i think of some days where it would be better if I maybe just spent my time hooking up with guys and flirting with others and just doing drugs or lying to my parents again and sneaking out late at night to go do stuff and to drink my problems away because that would be a different kind of numb but I can't because I simply and purely don't want to because I want to be a good person and I want to love and laugh and just live without thinking about ending my life and never smiling again because I know I have a beautiful smile even if it broken right now, but I just want to do good and be the best person I can be and make up for my sins by doing that even it means crying myself to sleep every night and waking up with horrible dark circles and sore eyes the next day because I only got 2 hours of sleep, and even if I have to take all this pain and burden on myself I would because I'd rather I get hurt than you. And I know you say that it hurts you more than anything that I'm hurting myself but I am nothing, you'll get over it and I'll die and only my mom and siblings and Ella and Emily would care and I know I have my friends and I know they're there for me but people who kill themselves have friends, I mean, celebrities have fame and power and money and beautiful big houses and it doesn't stop them from blowing off their heads. and I just want to feel my happiness again, my special fizz type of happiness that burns so brightly and is just the biggest passion I've ever seen and I want that girl back, but I can't because I'm so empty without you and instead of filling this hole in my heart through all these bad methods the only thing I can do is to carve out all my "I'm sorry's" on my thighs and on my arms and to just wish the best for you even though nothing is going the best for me because I can't even wake up in the mornings or find the will to even smile or live and laugh and every thing that comes out of my mouth is literally just a suicidal joke because that's the only way I can cope and my teachers all pull me out of class to discuss my "situation" and the school counselor doesn't really help, she just sits there and asks me questions I'm uncomfortable with asking and I feel like she'll tell my parents and I mean, I just want to talk to someone. Everyone always says you can talk to me or someone out there cares, of course they do. But people don't realize that we don't care about ourselves enough to want to get better and to want to feel happiness because we've just told ourselves that we're not worth it because of our mistakes or other people telling us we aren't or just other people in general and our life is shit and my life is really shitty right now and I'm always busy and I get like 4 hours of sleep max on a good night and I'm just over eating my problems away and can't even clean or find the energy to simply brush my teeth because that even requires so much effort and the only thing that made me a little happier asides from god was musical and now that it's over what am I going to do. And I have no one to sit with for ball because my parents aren't coming and my dad just hates my guts and is abusive as fuck and left me with all these shitty insecurities and baggage like abandonment issues and trust issues and my biggest fear of feeling like I'll never be successful or get anywhere in life and never having any attention or anyone to talk to or being daddy's little girl and my ex didn't understand that and I ended up breaking his heart because of my issues and now he's breaking my heart and it's an endless cycle and I just want it to end because I love him more than anything in the entire world and everyone keeps telling me to move on but I don't want to because I really can't because even though I'm putting myself through so much pain, he's the one person who's worth it and I can't stop loving and nobody understands that either and the only way I'm coping with this and that I'm telling myself that one day it will be our time again bc I feel like he's the one but then again I also want to die like every single day so that day may never come, and even on the days where I feel like I'm worth something my ex just ruins it or I have anothe breakdown or panic attack because I don't know what to do other than just cry and everyone knows something is wrong with me and I don't want there to be because I'm fizzah, I'm the bright beautiful girl who has no problems and is inspiring and does so many things and is so talented but my ex doesn't see me as the loving innocent girl I used to be and still am and trying to be even more so despite all this because I totally lost myself and who I was when I did a horrible thing to him and that was a bad decision and I don't deserve him but I know that no one could ever treat him better than I could and I want to be able to show him that now even if it takes a year or longer I just want to be able to show him exactly how much love I can give him, because I'm still holding on and I've been holding on for so long and I know if I can do that than I can give him everything and I just don't know what to do, like I've stopped drinking and I've stopped all this talk and even the thoughts of just fucking anyone else or being in a thing with anyone else and I don't lie to my parents anymore about anything and I want to pray to god but I just can't wake up in the mornings and I just want to be able to. And I feel so sad because I did something so bad because I was so lost and I just didn't know what the FRICK I was doing with my stupid life because of my dad and all these trust issues and my anxiety was off the roof and I felt like I would be shipped to Canada any single second and go through all the physical and emotional abuse again and that terrifies me the most because I would be hit and I would be kicked and screamed at and told that I was worth of nothing and that messes you up so much especially when the first time that happened to you was when you were like 7 and you just try to protect your siblings and still try to love but when the person you love doesn't understand how horrible and terrifying and scary it is and how many nightmares I had from that physical and emotional abuse and how sorry I was that I couldn't let him meet my family, and that I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep doing this because it was breaking me and he didn't understand and then I got to my breaking point and I tried to tell him how unhappy I was every night and a few days later I did something I regret so much bc it broke him bc I was broken myself and now he hates me and he spread rumors about me and told me that he doesn't want me anymore and I know it, I'm trash. I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I was something, I was art and I was love and I was compassion and truth and joy and genuine and raw and full of sheer potential and now I feel like I'm nothing and something that doesn't deserve to be loved because you keep treating me like shit and you keep denying it but everyone can see it by the things you do and say and I know, I know you're hurt and I'm so sorry for that baby, but I'm hurt to and I'm in so much pain and I can't breathe anymore because this last month and a week have been both the most eye-opening and tear-jerking month I've ever seen and had and I just want to constantly hurt myself. And I want to hurt myself because of you, because of the things and rumors you told people about that I get shit for, because of the way I hurt you so I deserve all these scars and to see the blood tricking down my thighs, and because I'd rather hurt myself than think about how you don't love me anymore because it's so much more less painful. And that I deserve to feel this pain. So yeah. Those are my last 5 weeks.

[johnnybby]

pony and his gf’s wisdom teeth removal - headcanons

requested by 2 anons! - hope u like them!

u come out of surgery and he’s like

“heyyy how r u feeling? :)”

and u greet him w nothing but roasts

“awwwwww ponyyyyyyyy ily”

“pony-kid”

“horsechild”

“love my love”

“loVE of my LOVE

"what were ur parents thinking”

“it started normal and then it really just went downhill huh”

“you say original, i say just plain cruel”

“like i just don’t understand how people could be so mean to a baby”

“i mean……look at u….. ur cute and decent….just….why ‘ponyboy’”

“who had the breakdown”

“and why is ur brother named darrel”

“might as well have called him milkshake or something”

“milkshake curtis”

“I’m gonna start calling dairy (darry) that now”

he looks to the doctor and he’s like

“ok so when will this stuff wear off???”

“why is she bleeding so much??”

“is her face ok”

pony cant fuckin drive so

he’s there for moral support <3

darry is ofc the one to drive

but when they get @ the Curtis house,

“pony r u sure u got this”

“omg yeah for sure im sure we’ll be fine”

“ok well i gotta go food shopping. steve has off today and if he isn’t hangin around soda u can call him over to help”

“steve”

“yeah ste-“

“i woNT NEED HELP FROM HIM”

im tellin u its been like 9 minutes and pony calls steve at the DX (he won’t pick up his house phone bc he’s at the DX hangin round soda) & he’s literally hyperventilating that blood is everywhere

soda picks up the phone first lmao

“STEVE I NEED HELP”

“never thought i’d hear u say that”

“SODA WTF GIVE THE PHONE TO STEVE UR NOT HELPING”

“wtf do u want pony” (steve)

and tbh you’re knocking shit over and tripping over yourself before u end up spitting ur gauze at pony while he’s on the phone??

“OH GOD ITS ON ME”

“pony wtf are u talking about”

pony practically whispers into phone bc he’s about to have a breakdown

“she just won’t stop knocking over things”

* huGE crash from the living room*

“ok well pony…….im…..busy…….”

darry eventually comes back after 20 minutes bc he forgot his wallet

and he opens the front door to see but nothing but a wrecked living which makes him vv concerned (like omg did they get robbed)

but then he follows the sound of crying which leads to soda and pony’s room

he opens the door and there u guys are

darry thought it was just u sobbing

but it turns out that pony’s cryin with u

like u are v emotional and u keep falling asleep in the middle of sobbing

and pony just doesnt know how to handle it??? so he cries

there are tissUES EVERYWHERE

and melted ice cream sitting in a bowl

darry’s just “OK WHY R U CRYING”

and u lose it??

“GOD IM SORRY I FAILED U MILKSHAKE”

“I MADE FUN OF PONY’S NAME IM AN AWFUL PERSON I KNOW”

”milkshake??? but pony why are yOu crying??”

“IM CRYING BECAUSE I FEEL BAD”

“SHE DOESNT juST DOESNT DESERVE THIS”

“PONY, SHE NEEDED TO GET HER WISDOM TEETH OUT”

“BUT LOOK AT HER SHES MISERABLE”

they both look over at u, but this bitch is literally knocked tf out and drooling peacefully

darry will never let pony live this down js

[bleedinghecrt]

HEY GUYS, i’m jules, i’m cools, this is my first time ever playing wendy, like i just thought of her maybe 20 min ago and i was like!!! YOLO!!! which, i say too much. under the cut is what i’ve figured out but tbh it could change but this is what i’ve BASICALLY figured out. 

SEYCHELLE GABRIEL? No, that’s actually WENDY WEASLEY. Only a FIFTH YEAR, this RAVENCLAW student is sided with DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY. SHE identifies as a DEMIGIRL and is a HALFBLOOD who is notorious for being FICKLE and IMPULSIVE but also revered for being INTUITIVE and PASSIONATE.

Wendy spent the first 7 years of her life with her birth family, her mother was a muggle her dad was a wizard who worked as a vet in of sorts -- he became so obsessed with work he often neglected his family so it was always Wendy and her mum just hanging around as he traveled ( bringing them with him ) from place to place. Wendy’s mum always felt out of place and ignored and generally bad. It wasn’t until she was four that she had her first breakdown in front of Wendy but the odd part was --- Wendy felt it acutely. 

Her first signs of magic weren’t of the normal variety. At first when she pointed things out, people thought she could read minds or was a Seer, but really, her empathy went beyond the normal sort to the point where she could feel everything really deeply. The earth, random people’s emotions, everything emanated with FEELING and it was just too much. Along with her mom’s history of mental illness, her parents were worried as she got older that she’d just go insane. 

They took her to doctors and healers alike, even Unspeakables examined her and they all just said that this wasn’t an ailment really, it was just a branch of magic that she had an innate gift with that needed to be nurtured. But her her parents BOTH saw it differently and it became a huge point of contention in their household that resulted in Wendy’s mom leaving and her dad moving to Romania when she was six to study dragons. Charlie and her dad had been good friends and he thought it would be a way for him to get back on track with things, including his work. 

Unfortunately, when there was an accident with a dragon during a routine check up -- her dad was left irreparably damaged. He couldn’t move himself and needed 24/7 around the clock care. He wasn’t a vegetable but he was paralyzed & knew he couldn’t take care of his daughter anymore. Charlie decided to step in and raise this child ( bc literally she wouldn’t leave him TF alone and she didn’t have any other family ) an the STARK difference parenting wise was remarkable. Having a brother was everything she wanted ( she’d asked her parents many times to another kid ) to have as well. 

The next few years before Hogwarts, Wendy integrated into the family with a PASSION to fit in with them, to get to know each and every one of them. Unfortunately, because of her empathy, it was hard to be around them all at once and she’d have to go outside into nature or just outside to get away from people. Wendy felt an immense guilt because of it and when she broke down to Charlie about it he promised to help get her books / teachers /anything he could. She spent those years learning to control her outward reactions just as much as making a wall between herself and people’s feelings -- even if just for their own privacy & really her own sanity. 

Still, to this day, it’s a struggle. Wendy finds a lot of peace in nature, she gets a lot of energy from it too and spends a significant amount of time in the greenhouses/forbidden forrest ( lol how many detentions is she in with her brother the world may never know ) to regroup and with the war she’s finding it harder to separate. At the same time she’s very honest about shit and can be prone to Oversharing™. 

Despite all this MADNESS, she’s comfortable enough with who she is even though she knows she’s still got so much to work on and so much to do. It overwhelms her and being in the DA, she wonders if she can use her ability to help them?? While she initially didn’t want to be in the DA, after the murder of the muggleborns, she knew it was the right thing to do and now her heart is IN IT. 

I really don’t know what else to say cause I MADE HER FIVE SECONDS AGO THIS IS A TEST RUN IM REALLY LIVING THE YOLO LIFE RN 

[rowanfoster]

{ haley lu richardson ♔ twenty-three ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t rowan foster running around peach hollow. legend has it, she comes from tangerine towers and has lived here her entire life. if you’re wondering what she’s been up to, i hear she’s a make up artist / freelance musician for a living. she has been known to be impulsive yet insightful. a word of advice to her, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching.

why yes, it is i, admin kim, with another character that should’ve been kept in the drafts of my mind. if you’ve not met daysia or serenity, here’s a lil low down on me. i’m 26, i use she/her pronouns, and live on the east coast. i thrive on writing angst and my animal crossing villagers being happy. also caffeine. i luv chris klemens. most likely to have a mental breakdown on twitter. meet rowan! trigger warnings for mental illness, bipolar disorder specifically, and inpatient treatment

have a playlist and a pinterest board dedicated to her

rowan celeste foster was born may 27th, 1996. she’s the oldest of two, a baby sister coming to the scene in 1999.

her family is extremely close. they’ve been in peach hollow their whole lives. she grew up in a crowded house on blueberry boulevard, crammed in with her mother, father, sister, maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. rowan never knew peace or privacy growing up – it just wasn’t possible with that many people which has really contributed to her somewhat isolated adulthood

her mother is a charge nurse at peach hollow general, working on the emergency room floor. her father is a retired car salesman. her grandparents moved into the house when her sister was born in order to help take care of the girls while their parents worked full time. rowan is especially grateful for their care, because she feels like she’d be a little more sour had she been raised by absent parents.

growing up, she shared a room with her younger sister. they told each other everything because they had no choice not to. they both developed an interest in make up and music at very young ages, but rowan particularly took to those things while maci took more interest in sports. when rowan was gifted her first ukulele at age 6, maci got her first basketball. they are polar opposites, but maci was the only person rowan really confided in as a child and an adolescent.

she’d always been rather moody. tantrums and fits were nearly unavoidable. her self esteem lacked before she even had a chance to develop any confidence. she was always the try hard, the girl who stood out because she was just a little different, the emotional one, the one the other kids didn’t want to mess with, not because she’d fight back, but because she would absolutely lose it. there were countless times where rowan ended up in the guidance counselor’s office, waiting on her grandmother to show up and bring her home. that was the beginning of their problems.

her mental health really started to decline in her mid teenage years. she spent hours upon hours in her room, writing songs, playing guitar, practicing make up looks – she’d go days without sleeping and snap at anyone who crossed her path. she got into screaming matches with everyone in the house, only to find herself crying in her bed for the next few days. she started missing days at a time from school, while her artistry thrive, the rest of her crumbled. her grades, all of it.

eventually, this resulted in her parents yanking her out of peach hollow high and putting her in counseling, which lead her to a psychiatrist and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder at the age of 17. while it made sense, she dreaded taking the medications. they numbed everything. her writing suffered, and while her moods weren’t swinging from the trees anymore, she feared that this empty feeling was worse.

she finished her high school diploma in homeschooling with her grandmother while maci went on to thrive in school. the attention shifted to her, and rowan couldn’t really blame them. she turned 18 and started performing in clubs, bars, and anywhere she could get in. ps her voice is a mix of bishop briggs & mary lambert. the thrill of performing to small crowds sucked her in. she began to gain an even smaller following on social media, mainly the locals following her. every once in a while she’ll book a show in atlanta and she’ll make the long drive just to sing in front of a bit of a larger crowd. she’ll gain a few followers from those shows, but this still isn’t her main source of income.

most of her money comes from the make up artistry she does through pop of peach. she doesn’t go in every day, but when someone has an event scheduled or needs their make up done for a dance or something, she’s there. she tries to spread things out bc she’s always late lmao and finds it hard to stick to a schedule

she was doing so well for a few years, even moved out of her parents’ house and into an apartment at the towers. that’s where she really found herself, made some real friends and built relationships that were good for her. however, she missed a few doctor’s appointments and was discharged from her psychiatrist’s office. she went off meds, and for a few weeks it was fine. when she ran out of meds, the next few weeks were okay as well. it was when every single drop of medication had drained from her body that things got bad.

rowan was missing appointments she scheduled at pop of peach. she was spending far too much time out at nights, giving in to alcohol for the most part. she tried not to touch any drugs, but drinking became a nightly thing. she’d perform, then spend the rest of the night partying with whoever she could find at the venue.

one night in atlanta after a particularly shaky performance, rowan found herself in a dark place and simply went into the women’s bathroom to calm down, but police say they found her laying flat on the ground, refusing to respond to anyone. she vaguely remembers the end of the manic episode, but it did land her in the emergency room for a change in mental status.

much to her chagrin, they admitted her overnight before transporting her to skyland trail, a mental health facility in atlanta. she spend about two and a half months there getting medications regulated and learning new coping mechanisms. she was discharged about two weeks ago and finally made it back to peach hollow and her apartment.

she’d lead everyone other than her family and maybe one or two other people that she was away on a musician’s retreat, but really, was in inpatient treatment.

she’s currently working full time as a make up artist at pop of peach and performing when she can, but doesn’t really go outside of peach hollow

fun facts & personality

rowan despises small talk. conversations about the weather or political climate don’t stimulate her and she gets snarky pretty easily. it isn’t that she wants to come off rude or unapproachable, but nine times out of ten, small talk is fake and she feels as though she doesn’t have the time or energy to indulge in it. ask her about the sky or some shit. she won’t shut up

she has a tendency to overshare,  aside from what’s been going on in the past few months. her lips are sealed tight about that. however, she’s open to talking about her mental health and is a big advocate for erasing the stigma. this makes rowan a very good listener and a huge supportive presence for anyone struggling. she’s the mom friend, and no matter what time of day or night, if someone says they need an ear, she’ll go to them. she knows what it’s like to be alone.

despite her past and her demons, rowan finds a way to put on a smile. it might often be snarky or sarcastic, but rarely is it insincere. she’s an empath and feels everything so very deeply, but can easily put it away when necessarily.

her apartment is her safe haven. she rarely has company. it isn’t really her thing. she prefers to go to other people’s places. she has her record collection proudly displayed on her living room wall, all the plants you can imagine, incense burning whenever she’s home, and a scottish fold munchkin cat named loonette after her favorite childhood tv show, the big comfy couch. she has hopes to get another cat named molly to match. you know, because we’re all clowns !

she takes great pride in her instagram. it sounds superficial, but often times, rowan will post a good picture and then link to her next show in hopes that somebody will come based on that. while she does have a passion for make up and a second instagram for it, ultimately, she’d like for there to come a time where she can live solely on the money she makes through music

catch her driving her old ass ford focus blaring 00s alternative, mainly fuckin paramore bc she’s heart eyes for hayley williams

wanted connections if ya made it this far!!!!

childhood friends – those who she’s known since elementary school. they’ve most likely watched her go through her many trials and tribulations in class. these could be acquaintances, close friends, or even a ride or die or two.

bullies – people who fucked with her through school. it’s essential that they’re on bad terms currently, but perhaps an enemy turned friend or romantic could be fun??

group therapy pal – this would be super fun and might entail the person finding out about her secret…. msg me for deets

exes – there will be a couple of these, gender does not matter. i’d like to find one that she was dating when she went into treatment and maybe hasn’t seen/spoken to them since they’ve been back, first love, high school sweetheart?? omg possibilities are endless

flirtationship – self explanatory, gender doesn’t matter she’s pan

any other ideas literally lmk!! thanks for reading ♥

[peachyrue]

tw for literally everything

i’m big and i feel like i need to rant abt why i age regress so here i go.

i always felt loads of pressure to do well as a kid bc i was pretty bright and i was always top of my class. it wasn’t that my parents directly told me to put pressure on myself per se but they certainly made their expectations clear in regards to my work; they wanted me to study hard. as a result of this, i felt like i had to be mature and act older than i was. by the age of 8 i’d read jane eyre fgs. i used to stress so much abt working hard that i forgot to relax and just be a kid.

after i left primary school, it only got worse. the workload got larger and i had way more homework than ever before. plus, there was now added pressures — i started to get insecure abt my body and quickly became bulimic. by the age of 11 i was making myself throw up on a regular basis. then came the self harm. it started with digging my nails into my palms when i got anxious and soon developed into cutting. i’d slice into my thighs and hope the fat would melt away. it was around this time that i started feeling symptoms of anxiety; i’d get panic attacks and often feel trapped and suffocated in lessons. it was becoming harder and harder for me to focus on studying bc i was so consumed by negative thoughts.

when i was 12, i went to my first concert. it was somewhere shady, somewhere i definitely shouldn’t have been but i was there with an older friend so i figured it’d be fine. after the band finished the set, i went to the toilets whilst my friend waited in the bar area and i was confronted with an older man. i tried to get past him to get to the women’s but he stood in front of me and blocked the way. he tried to grab my shirt but i moved backwards out of the way so he pulled me to the side into an alcove kind of place and shoved me against the wall. i wanted to scream but all i could do was cry. he touched me all over as i tried to get the words out to tell him to stop. he left me there when more ppl started to come near where we were and i just broke down on the floor in the middle of some dodgy club.

my friend eventually found me and took me home and i told her what happened, i trusted her with that information. turns out that i shouldn’t have bc i had a petty argument with them and they told all of our mutual friends what had happened, twisting the story to paint me as someone who slept around.

my self harm peaked after that and i was cutting almost every day. when i was around 14, i started burning myself too. i’d heat up coins or other little metal objects with a lighter and press them onto my skin in an attempt to feel anything other than numbness. my bulimia was worse than ever and i was gaining and losing weight at an alarming rate. after i got molested, i started washing excessively (which i still have issues with). to this day, i have to have 2 showers and a bath every single day just to keep me from having a breakdown.

my grades were suffering and my parents were getting frustrated that i wasn’t meeting deadlines so i buried myself in work again, my sole focus studying. my friendships were deteriorating and i had a string of boyfriends that i quickly broke up with. this did nothing to help my reputation as a slut.

it was also around this time that i started questioning my sexuality. it wasn’t that i was homophobic towards others but i never imagined that i would be anything other than straight. ig i just repressed it so much that it almost disappeared. my dad’s side of the family is rlly homophobic and many of them didn’t take it well when i came out and most of them still don’t know bc it wouldn’t be safe for me to tell them. my parents were rlly understanding and i introduced them to my girlfriend at the time. i had just started therapy at this point and i was starting to get better. then the emotional manipulation and gaslighting started. she made me feel worthless and disgusting and i started to injure myself again. she’d cause arguments and then say it was all my fault and i believed her. i believed her for so long. until one day i didn’t anymore.

that’s why i age regress. it’s so i don’t have to be reminded of all the shit that’s in my mind: the things i’d rather forget ever happened, the things i wish never had.