#i literally could not fight the right song i wanted and im still not happy with it

[haeryna]

OH MY GOD BAEEEE

i literally love your satosugu fic so much IM SCREAMING LIKE UGHH ITS SO GOOD AJDJWJS

like im not over exaggerating it hurts so good like i swear you know how to hit us hard 😭

i love your writing style and the way that we can feel the characters emotions (or maybe thats just me being sensitive..? IM JOKING BAE) like i can imagine how hurt reader is by satosugu leaving her and how mad satosugu are at themselves for leaving her too LIKE UGHHHH

and readers thoughts are completely valid because satosugu left without explanation, basically deserting her and then suddenly they come back?? like i’d be so hurt and mad that they’re back BUT ALSOO when she got called princess? i feel like part of her just wanted to cave especially when she was being held like that but then the other part of her was fighting, reminding herself how badly she was hurt LIKE OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS I LOVE YOUR WRITING AAAA

and for satosugu their reason for leaving and not contacting was also completely valid !! i love that we get to see how much they miss reader and how upset they were that they left but also their reason for leaving? literally GUT WRENCHING. Yes they love reader as much as they love each other but they had to get out of there for their own safety and it just hurts so good 😭 AND THE WAY THAT THEY STILL LOVE HER TOO IT HURTS SO GOOD LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT WRITING IT MAKES ME SOB— okay but really the way that they never stopped loving her shows how much they truly loved her in the first place because even though reader thinks she means nothing to them she was the only person that they could ever love the way they love each other, oh my god and when they find out she never left and how she’s been alone for the past 5 years i can’t even imagine the guilt and hurt they felt. i can’t even when Suguru finds her letters like the pain he must’ve felt? The way he slowly saw through the letters as the girl they left behind changed, BUT THE WAY THAT THEY WILL NEVER LOVE HER ANY LESS. Also when Satoru notices how reader has changed physically like i just KNOW he wanted to burst into tears, seeing the people you love so frail and vulnerable is a pain that you can never forget so imagining how Satoru felt coming back after years only to find her looking like that must’ve been so painful for him. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PART WHERE HE SAYS HOW HE FORGOT WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE WITH HER LIKE OH MY GOD STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Like even though reader doesn’t even want to be in the same room as him he can’t help but feel alive because she’s just always had that affect on him like oh my god i literally want to bawl. Okay but also Suguru writing all of his songs for her 😭 I can’t help but wonder if he still has the guitar she thrifted for him? Also the part about Satoru’s makeup artist? “She’ll never do it like you” IM ACTUALLY SOBBING.

I love the way you write so much, it’s so real and has so much emotion. As a theater kid this entire fic is so good for character analysis like I LOVE analyzing characters and the way you write them just makes it even more fun ! I love the way that each character is actually complex and how their emotions feel real LIEK OH YMGNDODQJDHJWNS

(omg i didn’t realize how like jumbled up this all is im so sorry 😭)

I can’t wait for more to be revealed about their relationship! take your time writing the next chapter 💗

ANON PLEASE I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A LITTLE JAR WITH A BOW AND KEEP YOU SAFE YOU'RE SO SWEET AND KIND AND I LOVE YOU !! let's get married. rn. but PLEASE i was sitting here squealing and kicking my feet and looking at this ask every five minutes...i'm so glad you love it :') it makes me feel so happy that you feel like i've written them to a depth that you feel like you can analyze them!!

just for you bae, some little snippets that may or may not get woven into the main story: (suggestive but not explicit!!)

suguru keeps the old guitar you thrifted him. he actually bought a special case for it, so that even with all the damage, it'll still remain strong. there's a metaphor in that, he thinks, in the way that he'll only bring it out when he's writing a song that's meant for you. they're all meant for you, so he finds himself bringing it out constantly. he refuses to try the demos that the studio sends over, of metal and rock, because it feels cheap and artificial.

satoru keeps you and his lockscreen. it's a photo of you and suguru standing together, backs towards the camera. suguru is mid-laugh, and your eyes are shining. sukuna used to give him shit for it, until choso stepped in, recognizing the wistful love in satoru's eyes every time he'd see it.

the first time they were intimate together in their shitty apartment somewhere in seoul, suguru calls out your name. satoru says nothing of it. in turn, suguru pretends not to notice when satoru calls for you in his sleep.

kenji is dissatisfied. in a small town like yours, classmates have paired up left and right. you were meant for him, he believed. but now that satoru and suguru are back, and you're about to leave, he'd rather clip your wings than let them have you. if he can't have you, then he'd rather let you take the fall.

shoko is bemused, in a sad sort of way. she knows she can't interfere. that, and her girlfriend hates satoru with a burning passion, so she doesn't want to start any fires there.

(utahime will never forgive how satoru had made fun of her when she'd taken a particularly nasty fall during a dance practice. they weren't even in the same industry for god's sake. utahime does not care.)

you're exhausted. money is thin. you've given up on your dreams of a musical career. the notebooks of sheet music and lyrics lay aimlessly on your floor. you pretend like you realize the bleakness of your life. in reality, when you can't sleep, you find yourself scribbling words and melodies.

satoru and suguru tried, once. to replace you. to find someone else. they couldn't even seriously stomach the idea before they gave up and went back to pathetically looking at old photos of you. one of the first things they got when they made it big was a professional album done of all the photos they had of you.

(shoko laughed until she cried when she heard about it, before smacking satosugu and telling them to "go talk to her and do something about it, dumbasses.")

ALSO DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLE!! i adored it and i hope to see you around nonnie, take care of yourself <33 i hope my other fics will be able to allow you to analyze the characters as well; the next chapter will be a doozy considering how badly i want to make it realistic but there's a lot of thought that goes into that hnghh. i hope you have a lovely day/night bby!!

[unbotheredalwyn]

I saw your recent ex swiftie blog and im glad i could relate to it too. I was her fan too but this album and herself just put me out on the edge. Its hard to digest the fact that whatever part i loved about tay is only a shell of her and not her true self. A part of her mask ig… everything about her is fake and performative and nothing is genuine about it. The lover pro lgbtqia “era” activism and someone who is queer, felt so seen that person i loved advocated for us and it was great but she never spoke and uttered a voice and felt like it was simply a “phase” and never thought that real people are involved in it too? Did she think that we fight and advocate for our right is simply a trend for her to participate? Real people are standing and fighting the homophobic laws and i live in homophobic country its so hard to live in a country where they hate us and dont value as a human and i have to live as someone who isnt myself…

A simple statement would really help considering how much power and influence she holds. Her defying silence in palestine conflict too bc shes a coward to take a stand against it. Her ex bf who is much lesser in terms of popularity has more spine and courage to tapk about it.

Your blog helps me to vent out uncomfortable feelings and im truly glad❤️

You're so right. I think her releasing a four minute song about gay rights and yay be queer is just ☠️ people are literally still getting murdered for being queer. Trans people are losing healthcare and laws but you know yntcd.

She had a trans man in the lavender haze mv but didn't say anything about trans rights and everything currently going on in the US alone regarding trans people.

And it bothers me that she doesn't say anything about Palestine. Jenna Ortega lost her lead role in scream seven for speaking out against Israel. Same with another actress from scream.

Joe alwyn has like a million followers on insta where she has 284 MILLION. Joe can at any time lose any of his upcoming roles or opportunities but he is on the right side of history which she so desperately wants to be yet doesn't do anything to prove she's a good person.

Genuinely think the reason why a LOT of people are now put off are not only ratty twatty but you can genuinely see she does performative shit bc she most likely gets paid to do it 😒 while Joe, my unbothered king, is genuine regarding his actions and I think a lot of the hate he gets from swifties are bc he is what they think Taylor is.

Aw I'm happy my blog feels like a safe space 🌷you are always welcome anon🤗

[melloneah]

this is all for the writer ask!!! :3 hope it's not too much >_<" answer the ones you're comfortable answering and don't force yourself to answer all of them if you don't want to! <3

🌵🥤🌻🍄📚 🍬🔪🥐🏜🦋🐝🧩

EHEHEHEHEHHE NEVER TOO MUCH THANK U SMMMMMM 🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

i dont really listen to premade playlists, so ill link mine >:333 this is a playlist i made for a roadtrip to berlin, including all the songs i was listening to at the time, and ive since been adding new ones actively, so it's literally just a huge list of everything i love :D 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

first of all gonna plug my besties ofc @levi-dayne writes sick ass fics for death note @uriekukistan writes amazing itafushi angst (and not only :33) SENDING BOTH OF THEM SMOOCHES GO READ THEIR STUFF! and a fic that id read recently and LOVEDDD was all about love by fullvoid (@casgore on here :3) the yuuji characterisation broke my heart - it was a gutwrenchingly real way of depicting mental illness, and i loved seeing how different he acted around people vs alone. and it was super cool seeing a healed megumi helping yuuji rather than the other way around!!! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!!

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis FIRST OF ALL U!!!!!! i love the mutual interactions THANK U FOR BEING HERE!!!! @alonelystargazer is very sweet and i interact with her pretty regularly i feel :3 THANK U FOR INTERACTING WINNIE!!!!<3 cant think of anymore rn but if i do i WILL edit this post TRUST 🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

megumi likes penne but yuuji hates it so they always disagree over pasta shape if theyre making it for dinner. yuuji always wins bc his favourite is spaghetti and obviously everyone likes spaghetti so megumi doesnt bother fighting him on it 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

HEHEHEHEH nervous. lets see "what kinda gay shit goes on around here when im not around" LMAO the choso x todo wip in action. what a quote thank u past me. you'll find out the context once i post it sjdhfgsjhfks

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hmmmmm from random shit i think like. 1980s window designs in england lmaooo

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

answered here :333

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ARRGRHRG ANY COMMENT. i get so excited u cant even imagine. i sometimes type 'AO3' in my gmail just to delude myself that i got a comment and get that little pang of joy seeing the notif 😭 my favvvv must be ones that quote certain lines tho bc then im like HEY!!!! I WROTE THAT!!!! U LIKED THAT??? DUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS I WROTE IT

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i feel like an everpresent topic ive had on my mind especially often for the last year is kindness. there's a multitude of things i could say, whether that's bashing people for lacking it, or get all teary over how beautiful it is (which!! it is!!!) but i think what ive recently discovered is that it's my only constant :3 when everything else goes wrong, that's all i have, and im really happy it's second nature to me (altho im still actively working on making myself better!!!!)

yeah, maybe everything sucks right now, but i know i can make someone else's day better :3 and often it makes things a little more okay to me too

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

RAHHGHG BESTIES. question for the bestiessss

@levi-dayne is so dear to my heart!!! such a sweet and kind person, who truly and deeply cares about others!!!! makes music, writes well AND ALSO DRAWS??!!! amazing and super talented person with super high ambitions too!!! SO SLAYFUL. what did i do to deserve such a slayful friend<333

@uriekukistan is one of the most naturally talented ppl i know!!!!! they write amazing fics, can DANCE super well, and took up drawing like 3 seconds ago and are already churning out really cool stuff on a fucking TOUCHPAD. ON THEIR LAPTOP. gofundme for rin graphic art kit when?? also ofc. a really good friend and very kind person :3333 <333

ILYSM BESTIESSSS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

from a writing style perspective: first person and tense switches

from a content perspective: anything fucked up like noncon or incest....how tf are they often not tagged like??? or putting that at the bottom of the warnings list 😭 oh yea im far more concerned about swearing and underage drinking......

something im picky abt that sometimes annoys me enough to click off but i feel like it's just a weird personal preference is the overuse of alternatives to a characters name. so using "the brunette" like 5 times. just say his name!!!!! it's ok!!!!!

RAHHHHHH i usually reread my answers before i post but not this time. adios fuckers i dont remember what bullshit i wrote here but ur left with the consequences. if u wanna deal with even more of my terrible takes ASK ME STUFF

[paladinbaby]

the hunter & the rabbit

robot rebellion, emily axford / true blue, boy genius / the wee free men, terry pratchett / the house on the cerulean sea, tj klune / i worried, mary oliver / @curseworm / wild geese, mary oliver / @romanceyourdemons / lucy dacus on her song christine / why be happy when you could be normal, jeanette winterson

[Image Description: Ten images of text, mostly black on a white background except the last which is a photo of a book page in low light. The images alternate being one or two to a row.

1: “we can run, we can run, we can run / and it’ll be a race, just you and me / cause they can’t keep up with their metal feet / we can hide, we can hide, we can hide / and you can build a fire in a cave / and i can conjure shadows for a play

cause i am not afraid to die / long as you’re here by my side”

2: “Because it doesn’t matter anymore / Who won the fight? / I don’t know, we’re not keeping score / And it feels good to be known so well”

3: “He said it was better to belong where you don’t belong that not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.”

4: “When something is broken, you can put it back together. It may not fit quite the same, or work like it did once before, but that doesn’t mean it’s no longer useful.”

5: “Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, / can I do better?”

6: “im extremely devout but nobody can figure out what im worshipping”

7: “You do not have to be good. / You do not have to walk on your knees / for a hundred miles repenting. / You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves. / Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. / Meanwhile the world goes on.”

8: “i love when a character has something terrible happen to them and as a result they can only see themself as, essentially if not literally, a ghost. and so that means they only can (and have to) do what ghosts do, ie get revenge and then cease to exist. easy as that. but then halfway through this ghost vengeance they realise hey actually i might still be a human person. with human needs. that’s incredibly inconvenient, considering how much i’ve invested in this whole ghost thing”

9: “She was dating this guy who at the time was just not treating her right, and I played her the song. I was like, ‘I just want you to hear this once. I’ll put it away, but you should know that I would not support you if you get married. I don’t think this is the best you could do.’ She took it to heart, but she didn’t actually break up with the guy. They’re still together and he’s changed and I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel they’re in better place, but at the time it felt very urgent to me that she get out of that situation.”

10: “I was hurt. / It is never too late to learn to love. / But it is frightening.” End ID.]

[lovebvni]

hey!! shiv here!! you’re so spot on it’s scary really!! i feel like you tapped into my brain for the reading. Let’s break this down!!

1. just be is my motto. When everything fails, i just fall back to this. Nothing to get, nothing to do. Just be. Never fails me. So i’m happy to know i’m on the right path🥹

2. i want my void to be pink in colour🤭 and i have been feeling really good while doing pysch-k?? helps me accept the fact entirely that i’ll enter/wake up in the void.

3. I keep myself entertained lol!!! before i attempt to tap in the void i listen to a bunch of songs to feel light and brush off the nerves and thoughts! sometimes i even like to imagine myself safe cuddled up in bed lol (can u tell i’m deprived of physical touch lol)

4. I’m really shocked how you could see the childhood aspect too cause my earliest memory of my life is my parents fighting and my mom being really upset and i remember the helpless feeling lingering on (cause she’d just look at me and cry when i’d ask her what’s wrong) when i enter the void, i’m not saying i want the perfect parents but just parents that are sort of easy to be around. I really am not my actual self around them. I’m always holding my breath around them. I have accepted the fact that i’m not gonna be one of those kids that have a close and emotionally safe connection w their parents. It’s okay. I just don’t want to feel the need like i’m constantly walking on eggshells around them and my mom to be more independent. These are the tweaks i think you were referring to? i wasn’t thinking about this aspect a lot but i guess during the day, i still have this thought at the back of my mind and maybe that’s why you picked it up?

ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: SA!!

idk if it was this but i was assaulted as a child by one of the family members and i was in two minds if i should revise it! i was bitter for soooo long. Hated men, i even stopped listening to male artists for a while. (it’s so weird but the aftermath of what happened to me as a child is showing up now as an adult) but i am done w all of that. I have made my peace with it and as much as i hate how cliche this is gonna sound but the kind of person i have turned out to be, i wouldn’t want to change it just to be “perfect” so i won’t be revising it. I’m sorry if this upset you or anyone.

I hope i can enter the void soon and share my success story with you (please send good energy my way lol, it’s just the thought that counts really🤭🫶🏼)

Big big love to anyone and everyone reading this and going through just about anything in life. If it’s great then i only hope it’s greater for you and if it’s going absolutely shite then i hope it gets less shittier by the second.

and lastly, i think you are really really good! i would love to support your work (when i can afford it) for real! i have never had such a crazy accurate reading before. So thank you🥹 Hope you’re doing good!!!

hii shiv!!! i’m soooo happy ur reading was accurate n resonated a lot!!

when i first typed the word ‘void’ i saw it as a purple colour, vende why it’s purple in ur reading, then as i went on, the more i thought, he more pink it became. i’m pretty sure i got a visual of it too — it’s so pretty <3 like seriously, if u see me in ur void, im just looking!!!

and with ur sa, there may be something you’re still holding onto with that, or some cleansing that should to be done in ur sacral chakra. as someone who went through something similar, literally js imagining good sexual experiences with someone u love helps…. like a lot 😭😭

and i’m always sending positive energy to everyone i get readings too!! i trust n believe u will enter the void soon and it’s gonna be HELLA fun for u <3 i love u sm!!! have fun!! <3

[lightlycareless]

hihi!! this is my first time writing an ask to anyone on tumblr you dont need to make a reply to this because this is just things i want to say to you theres this song called mascara by deftones that i came across on tiktok, and theres this one part that goes "you're married... to me." right before the beat drops and the way i literally GASPED because it reminded me of your fic and naoya and y/ns marriage 😭pls give it a listen if you have the time! its good i swear also even though im sure youve received a lot of compliments before, i just want to... genuinely thank you for just existing. youre such a wonderful person, in every one of your posts and replies youre so nice and understanding, and youre the most dedicated writer ive ever seen online. youve really made me so so happy with your writing and fic, and i just want you to know how amazing you are. thank you thank you thank you! i dont even realize when but my life went from "just got to make it to friday" to "just got to make it to the next first it hurts update" LOL anyway i hope everything in life goes well for you. once again, thank you. know that there are always people out there that appreciate you and love you!

Hello!!!

First of all, thank you so much for your lovely words!! Like I still can't believe that after so many chapters after starting my story, I'd be getting the support I've had 😭❤️ and you,,,, ghjagjhagjhagka you saying those wonderful things about me just make it even harder to believe!

🥺 I'm a bit teary eyed, ngl... your words really moved me. 😭 thank you so much.

I'm really happy that my work is something you have been enjoying up until now, and while it might take me a while to get back to each reply/ask, I never forget about them and I appreciate them so so much—it's the least I could do after all this wonderful support! I will do my best to continue with my writing so you can keep enjoying it 😭❤️!!!!!! Hopefully the new chapter will be uploaded soon too 🤭 I also get excited when the update day is near hehe. ahhh!!!

Now, onto your song...

Omg… I listened to it and I immediately went to search for it’s meaning/interpretation because I was wow—if you think about it it’s really dark you know?

But going back to what it made me think about Naoya and Y/N—there's no denying it, the song covers the fact they're forced to be together. (or more like Naoya is forcing her, but he doesn't want to let go either, so...)

Highlighting the fact that no matter what the other does, or much they try to get away or act like it isn't happening, it's all for nothing because the papers are signed and they're officially bound to one another😭

That's not the only thing I got from the song though 👀

I also got the idea that it was kind of Naoya mockingly telling Y/N that she can continue fighting him, denying him, and so on... but it’s too bad because “you're [still] married to me.” jfc.

Or also, it could be referring to her longing for Naoaki and how Naoya is a hindrance to that. Damn. Bless you for sharing this song with me, it really gets the angst inspiration going on. And fortunately for us, there's still more to come in the main fic mwaahahahahahahha

Anyways 😏 thank you so much for sending in this lovely ask!! I went back to it here and there whenever I felt particularly down about my skills, or in general, so you don't know how much this meant for me 🥺❤️ I wish I could assertively express how much I appreciate you, your support, and your words 😭❤️ but I hope a thank you will be able to convey such sentiments.

Have a wonderful day, take care of yourself, and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[canthelps]

Summer North's incredibly personal Fouth Album-A Little More Time- is OUT NOW! listen here

Happy Birthday @lcvewaslcst

Song explanations under the cut

The Alcott (The National and Taylor Swift)

summer wrote this after the meeting with their lawyers and going to the bar together. its the surprise that molly still wants anything to do with her, about how difficult it is for her to be with her after she knows shes hurt her so much. she doesnt want to get ahead of herself, because she still thinks that shes unworthy of mollys love. “how many times will i do this and you’ll still believe?”

Sunshine Baby (The Japanese House)

written while they were starting to get back together. shes worried that shes gonna fuck it up again but all she wants is just to be back with her wife and its all she can focus on. she just wants life to be easier “well ive gone a little crazy, surely someones gonna save me. i dont know whats right anymore, i dont wanna fight anymore”

I Love You but I Need Another Year (Liza Anne)

much darker sound, written in the depths of the break up. about how she broke up with molly because of her own mental health. she doesnt know how to deal with her mind. “you’re sticking around but how can you stand it? I can’t salvage your mind while im losing mine. and nobody should have to deal with this. but i need you i dont wanna leave you” Also a sick song live because she gets to show off her guitar skills and headbang. probs a fan favourite live. the whole thing sounds like a panic attack

Emily I’m Sorry (Boygenius)

Called Molly I’m Sorry (obviously). An apology song to molly, pretty obvious. she’s sorry for what she did. she shouldn’t have done it. she loves her too much. written a few weeks after the lawyer meeting/the bar. summer coming to terms that she could come back “im twenty seven and i dont know who i am but im becoming someone only you could want”

A Little More Time (Role Model)

Is about summer struggling being in LA, far away from her home and family. Molly is the only thing holding her to LA, so when they break up she doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. Its about her realising that the only thing that will make her love LA again is being with Molly. “in a city with no seasons, in a house thats not a home….am i permanently broken, or is it just the sunshine blues?”

Bad Idea (Girl In Red)

They hooked up while broken up. its literally just about that. they should not be booty calling each other when theyre broken up and trying to figure things out but they do. its a banger and the fans love it. summer wasn’t sure about putting it on the album bc it makes it sound like she cheated. but she and molly both know thats not true and thats all that matters. also the use of darling links back to the previous album

Big Star (Lorde)

another song about how she doesn’t deserve molly. summer does refer to herself as a cheater in this song but once again she never cheated on molly! just a lovely song about how amazing molly is and how much summer loves her. ignore that the original is about a dog. its romantic. “toss up if its worth it every time i get on a plane. i’ve got so much to tell you and not enough time to do it in” was probably written before the break up. when her downwards spiral was starting

Not Strong Enough (Boygenius)

I DONT KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MAN. literally its just summers mental issues getting in the way of her being happy lmao who can relate! was written on the same day as sunshine baby bc shes what? TALENTED.

Gemini Moon (Renee Rapp)

another song about how summer believes she is actually the worst!! anxious avoidant attachment who? no its just her gemini moon. “i bet youre sick of it, believe me so am i….but really i should just be better to you” honestly this one is a maybe for the album but ive been working on this playlist for months and i want to get it done

Anti-Hero (Taylor Swift but the Keaton Henson Version)

do i really need to say it? its me hi im the problem its me?

Everything (Muna)

shes helplessly in love with molly and everything is about her even when theyre broken up. was written deep in the break up when all she could think about was her wife “four hundred and counting and my only question is how would you feel if one was me. would you wish we made love again, would you want to revisit the marks on my skin, cause the world could be burning and all id be thinking is how are you doing baby”

Show Up (Samia)

its a song for her fans, about how no matter whats going on in her life she will always show up and perform for them as long as they still want her to

[leynaeithnea]

Literally taking notes as I read your reply so I can remember everything I want to say to you akdmmsan ( also my fingers also hurt from refreshing Tumblr, waiting for your reply aaah)

First of all sorry for making you type so much but actually I'm not that sorry bc I'm having the time of my life talking to you, also I really like your takes and seeing your perspective on stuff (I will now proceed to tell you what I think about what you said , I swear I am sorry but I can't help it, it's the voiceeees)

2. I never stopped to think about the implications of the others joining in the song bc they are seeing Odysseus getting closer to the wall and on the brink of doing something so unforgivable that they have to wonder, should we consider him a monster? Where do we draw the line ? Kskdkd good shit

3. I 100% agree about full speed ahead, I LOVE IT and sing it to myself all the time, 4.we do need more polities , and I also adore the "stay back" part and whenever I sing it I do this silly thing where I pretend to have a sword and I use it to threaten the lotus eaters that are surrounding me ( is it silly? Yes. Do I have the time of my life being this silly? Also yes ). And I totally understand the Ody appreciation because the tragedy in his story and the way he tries to overcome all the obstacles only to realize he is a pawn of the gods anyway jajsnsnsnnjakam and how all this fighting and struggling changed him so much he became unrecognizable but somehow at the core he's still the same aaaahh 6. Agree on anything and everything you say at this point bc "there's been a misunderstanding" scratches my brain so good. 7. I'm so happy for you I wish I could pick up even half of the motifs and stuff Jay always talks about, after his explanations I'm always like "mmmh yes yes I get it (<- does NOTget it for the life of her )" 8. Hands down my favorite 10/10, I am also not 100% sold on the new version bc I am just so used to the old one but I like a lot how Athena says "don't "in this one , she feels more surprised (?),like she didn't think she HAD to warn him not to do smth this reckless, don't know how to explain it lol. AND the silence that screams "oooh you really fucked up" after Odysseus revelas his name and address is UNMATCHED , chills every time. Also the fact that in the whole musical this is the first time we hear his name is just amazing. Keeps me up at night 9.again , seeing your take on things is so good !! In this song Athena is confused by humans and how they process their emotions?? Akksks how did I not see it?? 11. I adore this one but now it's so hard to listen to it and not be haunted by mutiny

Sorry again for dumping all of this here lol, also if you want I would adore a part two for the other sagas but literally no pressure :))

BY THE GODS THANK YOUUUU OMxjdkdksks mfjfjdjsFUSJDS THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME DONT APOLOGIZE FOR INFO DUMPING I LOVE IT

AND YES part 2 is to come, I stopped at luck runs out yesterday because Keep your friends close has soooo many parts that I love, its one of my favorites

Also yesss Luck Runs Out really hits different now, loveeee how it sets up mutinity in the motifs so good okay I might only finish Ocean Saga in this one bc SO MUCH TO SAY but i would be honored to do this maybe saga by saga with some asks or smth idk rjsjsjs

Ok

12. Keep friends Close

"Great wind god aelus" kicks just the right way again

"Hahahaha i am the wind" Omg the melody and music in this song is so gooood so floaty and airy its big joy, aelus playfulness and the whole first part of the song is so goooodd ALSO WINIOKS "sometimes killing is a must" - "what??"

And then it shifts to the crew where i love the voice acting of the whole scene up until "we'll try" AND THEN my favorite part: Odysseus tries to stay awake

For 9 days Ive sayed wide awake, trying to make it home with no storm or tidal wave, I remain unapposed the bag is still closed and Im getting closer to youuu (penelope) i cant wait to make some new memories (telemachus) time for me to be the father i never was (just keep your eyes open) why are my eyes and my heart and soul so heavy? (Just keep your eyes open) I keep on trying to embrage you both why wont you let me?? (Just keep your eyes open) so much has changed but im the same YES IM THE SAMMEEE (just keep your eyes open) -> FIRST TIME WE HEAR TELEMACHUS BTW IM SO EXCITED FOR HIM

ALSO THEY ALMOST REACHED ITHIKA IF EURY HADNT OPENED THE BAG---- THEY WERE WITHIN SIGHT, HIS MOM COULDVE SEEN THE SHIPS

So, yeah this whole part? So good, and then penelope wakes him and he wakes up to the storm and the "NooOOooooO" is so niceee ans THEN "ODYSSEUS OF ITHICA, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" WE LOVE POSEIDON HIS VOICEEEE

13. Ruthlessness

Danger motif (ehehe) the -sei-don in the chant in the beginning I think, madbe the po-sei im not sure

STEVENS GRIT IN HIS VOICE ITS SO GOOD like either mortius or casper said it but he literally sounds like he just gurgled salt water fr, And hes SO SASSY

"it isnt very often that i get pissed of" ....i feel like you dont have s very realistic selfimage Poseidon

"Ive been so gracious" hits right too, so good

"The cyclops youve maee blind, is mine" - No

Love how the theme of Ruthnessless finially gets spoken out directly and literally thrown into his face I ALSO LOVE HOW EVERY ANIMATOR PORTRAYS THIS SCENE AS POSEIDON BEATING UP ODYSSEUS LIKE GUDJDKSKSKSJSJ hell yes anyway

"You are the worst kind of good cause youre not even great" THE music in this moment, the drop and the how it picks up again fhsjdjskaja

Also not Ody not even apologizing smh smh

"If you jusr killed my son, But NooOooouu" SASSY SEIDON gjdjfjwj hes so pissed he didnt kill polyphemus :[ (jkjkjkrks)

Then the whole part with

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

RUTHLESSNESS IS MERCY UPON OUR- CAPITAIN

(Also those lines asding up to 11, for the 11 ships ody looses there oml)

I love "the line between naivetë and hopefullness is almost invisible" its such a cool quote

And then the pause into "Die."

THE CALL BACK TO "when does a ripple become a tidal wave" of jusr a man Omg I LOVE just a man call backs and the disbelieve and horror in "what have you done" and Poseidons calm response, and then THE WINDBAG and "Remember Me" omggrttt yes def two of th3 best songs in the musical so far

Edit:

OH AND I FORGOT THE ACTING?? THE SWORD? YES PLS, i acted out the whole musical so far on a whim with a friend a few days ago and it was the best things in my life fr, acting for the win i also tend to act these things out by myself ghjjdg

Edit 2: Circe saga next!

[andvys]

SCREAMING. CRYING. YELLING. SOBBING. SCREAMING!!!!!!! HAPPY TEARS!!!!! IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS CHAPTER! THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE ONE EVER! EMMY IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING, WITH THIS STORY, WITH THIS CHAPTER, WITH PINKY AND EDDIE 😭

ME RN:

“Wow… Uhh—you look… amazing,” He mumbled, breath getting hitched on his throat when he saw your unreadable expression. OH he is so adorable 😭

Only inches apart, and you couldn’t help it when your gaze drooped down to his lips, then back to his mellow eyes. KISS KISS KISS‼️

But, you? Oh, god, you made him believe that he was good, you pulled him out of that darkness, you were the first one to believe in him, you were the one who encouraged him. You made him feel like he was on the right path, always. And the way he probably thought that he wasn’t special to her when she left back then:((((

“Aurora, She’s Thunderstorms, Zero, Forget Her, Resolve, Fool, two fucking albums, all dedicated to you, you know that.” Eddie, I love you, you lovesick cinnamon roll

“These notes? These stupid notes I’ve been carrying?” He huffed loudly, hand quick to fish inside of his back pocket, aggressively flipping through the pages. “Even if every nerve in my body were numb I’d still be able to feel her.” He turned the page toward you before flipping again. 

“I have tried to forget you but I can’t, you invade my dreams, my mind, my whole fucking life. You’re stuck in me and I don’t have the heart to get you out.” He shook his head, reciting it all like it was nothing, but you felt all of it. if a man ever said that to me, i’d pass away

“She’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever. That one is uh—in a song, too,” he mumbled, cheeks flushing with how passionate he was getting, and you held your breath, it’s like you were staring into his soul. SHES THE TEAR THAT HANGS INSIDE MY SOUL FOREVER ‼️😭‼️😭‼️😭🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭😭

“All fucking about you. Because it was you, from the moment we met.” FUCKING FINALLY

He licked his lips desperately, gaze drooping to your candy-glossed, needy lips. Face so close that you could feel the desperation radiating off of him. And you shared it. You managed to take a quick breath before his hand fisted your hair and his mouth crashed down to yours. AAAAAHHHHHGHGHHHHHHH

All those years of wishing, all those years of wanting, yearning, and needing exploded into this. Kissing like your lives depended on it, chests pressed against each other, Eddie’s hand slipping to your waist, desperately tugging you closer to him as if that was even possible. 

This is it. Both of you can feel it. This finally changes everything. AND ITS FOR THE BETTER😭🩷

emmy, you blow me away every damn time. this was so so perfect! we got everything in this chapter! the kids being there!!!! making bets with the others! eddie being jealous and determined to get her back! him fighting for her! HIM FUCKING KISSING HER!!! FINALLY CONFESSING! NOT LETTING HER RUN! THE KISS! OH THE KISS GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES AND IM SO HAPPY RN IM CRYING HAPPY TEARS EMMY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU

GETAWAY CAR — rockstar!e.m. x f!reader

CHAPTER SEVEN: SHE'S THUNDERSTORMS

← prev chapter // next chapter →

✦ summary: in which corroded coffin performs at the hideout (wc: 9.3k+)

✦ warnings — angst, ANGST, arguments, FINALLY SOME DESERVED FLUFF, jealousy, jealous!menace!eddie, the kiddos make an appearance!!!, uhmm kissing,,, eddie and p are an old married couple, drinking, smoking/weed, uhm thats it i think.

✦ pairings — rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader, past billy hargrove x fem!reader

✦ authors note — not proof-read i tried but i cant do it. pls ignore all mistakes. SO VERY SORRY FOR THE WAIT. hopefully this makes up for it. as usual the song is by arctic monkeys, and the other song mentioned is lover you should've come over by jeff buckley. but we'll pretend like its all by corroded coffin so shshsh.

anyway ily all pls interact + like + reblog to support me! i'd also LOVE LOVE to chat about anything abt this series it literally is my baby!! pls dont hesitate to send me an ask about anything mwah thank you for reading💗

series masterlist | series playlist

“Dude, I’m telling you it was not my fault.” Gareth exasperated desperately, hands up in the air in defeat.

But Eddie was quick to shake his head, “You drove her here, how is it not your fucking fault, Gareth?” He spat, bitter and angry. 

“She insisted! She wants to apologize to Pinky!”

“What?” Confusion etched across Eddie’s face. 

With an annoyed sigh, “Yeah, the whole fuckin’ world has to revolve around her,” Gareth muttered under his breath, knowing that saying anything about you would drive Eddie crazy. 

“Watch it,” Eddie warned, mouth downturned in disgust almost immediately. 

“What? It’s the truth.”

“Gareth, I’m not gonna tell you this a second fuckin’ time, okay? Don’t do that shit around me and never say one fucking word about her again, you got that?” He gritted through his teeth, his hand unintentionally clenching into a fist. 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“I mean it,” Eddie spat.

“Fine, fine!” Gareth threw his hands up in defeat, both of them downing their drink before scurrying away. 

Shit.

You knew you shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but it wasn’t your fault. You were just trying to get a drink for the group, surfing through the sea of people—which was unusual for The Hideout. Still, you guessed the only celebrity from Hawkins was enough to have people swarming in, and Gareth and Eddie happened to be chatting right behind you. 

Even though it stung to hear Gareth talk of you like you were the fucking anti-christ, hearing Eddie defend you like that had that familiar warmth spread through your entire body. And you hated it, you hated the soft spot you’d always have for him, how it would take you back to five years ago when he would be there for you, every single time. 

Fucking great, you had so many people to avoid tonight; Chrissy, Gareth, and Eddie. 

With a sigh, you quickly disappeared into the crowd, carrying a tray of drinks for everyone. Plopping it on the booth with a slight sloosh. 

Everyone reached for it and you were quick to slap away Max, Lucas, and Dustin’s curious hands. “Oh, come on!” Max protested with a groan. 

“Not legal,” you hummed with a narrowed gaze. “Yeah, I’m sure you were legal when you were shotgunning beers and smoking joints like it was your lifeline during senior year,” Lucas mumbled under his breath, quick to get settled into his seat with a huff. 

You gasped dramatically, “Lucas Sinclair!” Exclaiming as he gave you a simple shrug. 

“So what’s new with you and Mr. Rockstar, now?” He teased, and you narrowed your gaze at Max who snickered underneath her hand. 

“Nothing,” You mumbled, shying away from everyone’s gaze on you. 

“Good thing, we can always ask the other party, too,” Dustin chimed in with a smirk, head pointing toward behind you. 

There was a slow tap on your shoulder and you were quick to jerk your body around. 

Of course.

Eddie. 

His soft gaze was dumbly addicting, that boyish grin curled deliciously on his lips while amber eyes took you in wholly. 

His gaze wandered to your figure, the midnight blue dress embracing your figure, accentuating your curves, its hem grazed against your mid-thigh, allowing him to get a glimpse of your sun-kissed legs, simple but exuding how breathtakingly pretty you were. 

He couldn’t place why your brows were so tightly pinched together, or why your arms were crossed against your chest, plump lips downturned with a pout. Still, you looked so pretty, so alluring that he could barely form any sentence. 

Mind captured entirely by you, almost feeling paralyzed while he took you in. 

“H—hey!” He stammered, awkwardly putting his hands in the back pocket of his chained black jeans. He was just him, and oh, god, you were you. 

Plush lips that curled into the prettiest smile, the most captivating eyes, even when you seemingly looked upset, brows pinched together, those glossy lips downturned, you were perfect. 

You ignored Eddie’s greeting, your piercing glare was still not that noticeable to him, all he could think about was how beautiful you looked, and how he was glad that he saw you before his set. He wanted nothing more than to see you watching him perform the songs he wrote all about you. 

“Wow… Uhh—you look… amazing,” He mumbled, breath getting hitched on his throat when he saw your unreadable expression. 

And all you could do was give him a tight-lipped smile. Almost immediately wiping that glow off of his face, face going momentarily blank. 

But he should’ve expected this, he knew you wouldn’t jump into his arms at any opportunity, he deserved this. He needed to do more, he needed to win you back. 

He opened his mouth to speak, desperate, needing your approval, but you interrupted. “I—I’m going to get a drink,” you mumbled, face flushed with heat, you didn’t know how to act either. 

Eddie glanced over at the tray of drinks on the booth, with his head tilted, “there’s a bunch of drinks over there,” he mumbled, he didn’t want you to leave. 

“I can see that, but I still want my own,” you sassed with a narrowed gaze, not letting him talk back once you left to go to the bar. 

Eddie watched your figure leave with a deep sigh, turning to the booth to take one of the drinks. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“Yup,” Steve muttered with a nod, and Eddie was quick to give him a death glare. 

“So, will you finally enlighten us on what happened with you and Mrs. Grumpy over there?” Dustin huffed impatiently, grabbing three drinks from the tray now that you were gone, handing the other two to Max and Lucas with a grin.  

“She didn’t tell you guys?” 

“No! Which is a shame because she usually can’t say no to my adorable face.” Dustin blinked quickly, batting his eyelashes while Eddie shook his head at him with a chuckle. 

“Oh c’mon, Eddie, just tell us!” Max let out an impatient huff, her captivating icy blue gaze was pleading in a way that he could never say no to.

These doofuses would always be his weakness. 

“Yeah, Eddie, pretty please?” Lucas added exaggeratedly, mocking Max as she hit him in the chest playfully. 

“Fine, fine!” He sighed, running his hand over his forehead in frustration.  

“But nothing really happened and I don’t think it’s—” When he felt everyone’s gaze piercing through him, he was quick to shut up.  “Okay, okay!” He huffed.  

“She came to my trailer guns ablaze and then just slammed the note against my chest, calling me a coward, and then I told her off—”

“Wait what?” Max was quick to interrupt him, brows pinching together. 

“Yeah, I told her I wasn’t the one who left.”

“Uh, I’m sorry, didn’t you kiss Chrissy in front of her?” Max taunted.

“Yeah, and did you not bring her to Steve’s?” Dustin added. 

With a huff, he turned back to Steve. “Jesus, Harrington, did you gang up all of them against me?” He just gave Eddie a shrug. 

“That’s not even the point! Everything has just become too convoluted with us,” He spat, anger returning quicker than you intended to, while the rest of the gang sipped their drinks with an ‘oof’.

“It’s not convoluted, just tell her how you feel!” Max inquired, gently, almost like she was trying not to tip him off. 

“I—” He took a deep breath. I will. He wished to say, but saying it out loud felt too real. And you were right, he was a coward.

“I’m gonna properly apologize and make things right by her,” he muttered, taking a big sip from his drink. 

“You better hurry up, rockstar,” Steve taunted smugly, the weird face he pulled was making crinkles appear on Eddie’s forehead.

Eddie’s head cocked toward Steve, aggressively. “You better tell her how sorry you fucking are.”

With an all-knowing snort, Steve’s finger accusingly pointed towards something behind him. “Or someone else might swoop in.” 

“Fuck off, Harrington,” Eddie mumbled, rolling his eyes before he turned around with a huff. 

Oh, shit. 

Everyone’s gaze turned toward Steve’s accusatory finger, a slight ‘shit’ escaping from Robin’s lips which Nancy elbowed gently to shut her up. 

Eddie could barely move, his entire face feeling hot and jaw clenching involuntarily, jealousy shooting through him faster than the alcohol swimming in his system. 

Because there you stood, in front of the bar, with your head tilted sideways, a pretty grin sitting on your lips, mellow gaze looking up at the guy in front of you—dirty blonde, hair cut shorter than Eddie’s but almost as long as Steve’s, wearing the most expensive and tidy outfit Eddie had ever seen—making him feel stupid for choosing to wear those black chained jeans. 

His scowl was anything but pretty, brows furrowing in a way that made him look like a complex puzzle, eyeing the way this stranger was touching you. 

“Oh, isn’t that—” Robin spoke up, and the entire table shushed her because they also realized exactly who that was. 

James.

Your ex, not Billy, of course, the other douchebag before Billy. 

He really wasn’t much of a douchebag, a genuine, nice guy, and to make matters worse he was a total gentleman; attributes Eddie would never call a typical high school Jock. 

The relationship only ended because he went to college one too many states away, the distance getting between the two of you, but Eddie always referred to him as ‘the douchebag’ The jealous feeling sunk into his chest even then. 

Rich kid, a jock in high school, older than both of you, someone who had his life together. Everything that Eddie never was. Everything Eddie always wished to be.

But now, seeing you with him made something almost click in Eddie’s head, like he was meant for you as he suited you much better than Eddie ever would. 

He could treat you much better than Eddie would, sure Eddie had his name now, the riches he never had back in high school. But he was still just Eddie.

And he was certain James never kissed Chrissy, he’d never fuck up like Eddie did.

He watched the way your eyes lit up when he was animatedly talking, his gentle touch on your arm, the smile that curled on your lips. 

What if he asked for your number? What if he wanted to reconnect? What if you said yes? Just because Eddie had been a total fucking idiot and couldn’t see what was right in front of him? 

He tried so hard to push the idea of the two of you together back into his mind. To make sure it never left, to make sure it never manifested. 

But the way his jaw clenched and the deadly glare burning through both of you showed that he couldn’t. 

He was jealous, a type of jealousy that quickly translated into anger, one he could almost feel on his skin, hot and prickling rage stabbing into his body, agonizingly slow, making it harder for him to stay glued there and not do anything the more he eyed the hold James had on you. He was standing too close for Eddie’s liking. 

Usually, he’d let this feeling sink back into his mind, take a breather, smoke a couple of cigarettes, and then act like nothing was wrong for the rest of the night while he spent it sulking. Keep that rage caged in his chest, so he could keep his feelings contained. 

But he couldn’t do that this time, no. He wasn’t going to be stupid enough to let you slip through his fingers, not again. He was going to fight for you, he was going to show you that you belonged with him. 

No matter what Mr. Fancy Pants could offer to you, he needed to tell you how he really felt, he needed to make sure you knew. Because even if he could feel the insecurities jabbing into his brain, he always knew, deep down that there was something there between the two of you. Something always left undiscovered because both of you were cowards.

He couldn’t let that happen again, he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. 

“Oh, I get the appeal now,” Max murmured, breaking the silence between everyone, and earning a hard glare from Eddie. 

“What? He seems nice, has pretty hair, much better than Steve’s, and that outfit probably cost more than your wedding,” Max spoke bluntly, now earning more than just the hard glare of Eddie, mouth hung open Steve looked offended, Nancy and Jonathan narrowed their gaze, but Robin snickered behind her hand, almost giving Max her approval. 

“Max!” Lucas reacted before them and Max furrowed her brows, a smirk earning her way to her lips. “You’re still my number one Lucas, don’t worry,” She hummed, pinching Lucas’ cheek and ignoring Dustin’s groan.

“Dude, why would you do that?” Dustin whispered, eyeing Eddie worriedly while nudging Steve by his jacket. 

With a dramatic huff, Steve pulled his collar back, “Relax, I know what I’m doing.” 

Eddie’s fingertips absentmindedly traced the rim of the glass in front of him, his eyes never leaving the two of you when he downed the drink, slamming it back on the booth, making everyone flinch. 

“I’ll be right back,” Eddie muttered, a forced chuckle escaping his lips. 

“What are you even going to do?” Robin inquired, almost mocking.

A smirk landed on Eddie’s face. “I’m not going down without a fight, Buckley.” 

“Not this fucking time,” he hissed, almost all the brows of the gang raising at his determination.

“I’m gonna tell her how I feel, and I’m not letting another douchebag ruin this,” Eddie mumbled, and a dumb smirk was placed on everyone’s face almost too quickly.

He was going for it, and the soap opera was continuing, the gang watched in excitement.

“Was he ever really a doucheba—” Dustin’s worries were quick to die down when he threw him a deadly glare.

Without another word, he stormed off to the side of the bar. Quick, too fucking quickly that it almost gave him a whiplash. He didn’t know what had taken over him, eyes burning the back of their figures as everyone else at the table watched him with a proud look. 

But the child-like jealousy he felt within his body was uncontainable, it felt like his face was almost too hot to touch, he was desperate, quite literally. 

The tap on James’ shoulder was anything but gentle, making him turn to Eddie with his pair of brows furrowed, and Eddie’s muscles were quick to tense. 

His dark gaze only softened when he looked back at you, muscles relaxing, and creased brows returning to their normal form. 

The jealousy eased inside of him, not dissipating quite enough, but slowing with one gaze from you.

Back in the booth, with another sip from his drink, Lucas huffed, “Five bucks says they’ll confess by tonight.” 

Robin was quick to snort at him, “You’re trusting them too much, kid, Steve’s ‘little push’ might help them,” She mumbled with a roll of her eyes. “But Jesus fucking Christ, just look at her face, she’s going to go off at him. The most they’ll probably do is have another fight, get just a little bit close to talking about their feelings, and then do it all over again.”

Steve, ignoring Robin’s theories, exclaimed with a smirk. “Ten bucks that Pinky will sleep with Eddie tonight!”

“I second that,” Max said with a grin.

“Steve!” Nancy warned with a disapproving tut. 

“What?” He huffed. 

“They’re kids!”

“We’re nineteen!” Max groaned. 

“I turn twenty next month!” Dustin chimed in. 

“Still!”

“Fine, fine!” Steve sighed with a glare at Nancy, “Then ten bucks that they’ll kiss tonight!” 

“No fucking way.” Robin shook her head. 

“Nah, they’ll at least kiss tonight,” Jonathan said with crossed arms. 

“Are you guys seriously betting on our friends?” Nancy said with a furrowed brow. 

They all nodded vigorously, “Fine,” Nancy muttered. 

“Then I second Steve, ten bucks for them sle-kissing.” Nancy corrected herself, earning a wicked grin from Steve. 

“Come on!” Robin groaned, dissatisfied by Nancy’s answer. 

“I agree with Robin,” said Dustin with a shrug.

“Finally!” Robin exclaimed, hands rubbing together in victory. “Someone with common sense. There’s no way those idiots are going to do anything but fight, just watch her come back here, all fuming about how much she hates Eddie.”

They all shrugged, going back to continue watching the soap opera unravel in front of them. 

“James!” Eddie greeted with faux excitement, a grin playing on his lips, amber gaze remaining on you. With your brows creased, ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ you mouthed behind their awkward hug.

He shrugged, and his hands clutched James’ shoulder harshly, making him chuckle awkwardly. “Munson, the man of the hour!” He greeted him with a beaming smile.

He really was too nice for his own good, wasn’t he?

“I’d ask what you were up to, but it seems you’ve been doing just fine, rockstar,” James exclaimed, returning a friendly slap to Eddie on his shoulder—in a much nicer way than Eddie intended with his.

You smiled uncomfortably, your gaze still throwing daggers at Eddie, who was actively avoiding it. “I have to say that last album? Fucking Christ, had it playing over and over again for days.” He beamed again, much to both of your dismay.

That all-knowing smirk on Eddie’s face disappeared, the unexpected compliment seemed to make him uncomfortable, conflicting with the defensive walls he had put up.

“Uhh—thanks man,” he chuckled awkwardly, casting a quick, scrutinizing glance at you, catching the small smirk on your lips.

“What have you been up to?” He asked, curiously, desperate to know what the two of you were talking about, nervous to see if the two of you would do anything more than this.

The confidence in the way James held himself, his slicked hair, his fancy outfits up close, Eddie’s insecurities washed him over once again. Now with that part of his brain convincing him that the two of you would somehow end up together again.

“Oh, you know, I was just in town, got a nice job here, thought I’d stop by to see Corroded Coffin play, been seeing the posters everywhere—great marketing by the way,” He hummed, flashing Eddie a smile. 

And Eddie returned a forced one, lips pursed together in annoyance. “and then I thought I’d get a drink, but then I heard this familiar voice next to me, yelling to the guy next to her to fuck off for attempting to steal her drink, and I thought oh that’s Pinky.” Eddie couldn’t help but not keep his gaze on you, studying your features, almost gauging your reaction, trying to nitpick something to fuel his jealousy. 

“Been a long time, but I’d never miss this one’s sassy voice and that pretty face,” He mumbled with a sly smirk, making Eddie’s face scrunch and almost making him scoff out loudly. 

“Oh, stop it!” You mumbled with a smile, all flattered, and Eddie’s gaze narrowed, jealousy overtaking him again. 

“So you two are… reconnecting for the old times' sake, huh?” Eddie asked through gritted teeth and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“Eddie—”

With a smile, James turned to you, “I mean I’d love to grab a drink, are you free tomorrow?”

“Ah! I wish I could, but I need to help Nancy out with some wedding stuff.”

“How about next wee—”

“She’s busy,” Eddie interjected quickly. 

“Eddie!” You warned with your brows raised, heat rising to your cheeks, what the fuck was he doing? 

“Can I just—steal you away for a minute?” Eddie turned to you with his jealous gaze, hand gently having a hold on your arm. 

“Oh, sure, man!” 

“No!” You and James exclaimed in unison. 

James stared at the two of you with his brows furrowed, both of you breathing heavily, an intense gaze connecting the two of you. With a sigh, you followed him out of the crowd, an apologetic smile thrown toward James. 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

You scoffed, “Me? What the hell are you doing, Eddie?” You snapped, naze garrowing. 

“I’m not locking lips with James that’s for sure!”

“Jesus Christ I was not locking lips with—” You halted abruptly, the absurdity of the sentence hitting you like a wave. Taking a moment to breathe, “What are you a child?”

“Well, if pointing out the obvious means I’m a child then so fucking be it!” The words tumbled out of his mouth harshly, almost lost in the din of the bar. 

“The obvious? Do I need to remind you that you were the one who kissed Chrissy?” You accused sharply, your anger returning and cutting through Eddie’s jealousy like a knife. 

“Look, I—I’m genuinely sorry for that, Pinky, I am. I should’ve never done that, it was a mistake—” His voice strained, getting lost amidst the background clamor, their set was about to start and Eddie could careless. 

He took a step closer, but you didn’t budge. “You don’t kiss someone as a mistake, Eddie! You don’t invite them to brunch as a fucking mistake!” You snapped, tone a poignant mix of bitterness, jealousy, and an equal amount of hurt. Teary yet ablaze gaze bored into Eddie's, breaking his heart more and more. 

His shoulders sagged under the weight of your words, the realization of the irreparable damage sinking in. 

He took a step closer, a desperate attempt to bridge the emotional gap.“Will you just listen to me?” Eddie's plea hung in the air, the room seemingly shrinking as you and Eddie’s gaze connected. Your breaths mingled, heavy with unspoken words that pulsed between you. 

Only inches apart, and you couldn’t help it when your gaze drooped down to his lips, then back to his mellow eyes.

“Eddie, this is the fifth fucking time they’ve been calling you.” Gareth’s irritating voice snapped the conversation, loud enough to have you almost jump back, as you threw Gareth a daggering gaze. 

“Just fucking wait for a second,” Eddie spat, trying to dismiss him, but the moment was gone. 

And Gareth wasn’t having it. “No way, dude we go on in like five minutes,” He scoffed, momentarily dragging Eddie by his arm.  

“Fine, fine!” Eddie scowled, shaking off the hold.  

“You should uh— go.” 

“Let me explain,” He almost begged, desperate. 

But with another dismissal, you left. 

Eddie wanted to drop everything and run to you, apologize, tell you what he felt, but somehow, some way he was always managing to fuck up the things between the two of you, now. 

It was like he was fourteen again, his dad letting him know that he always managed to fuck up something good, that he was destined to the Munson name. Like he could never manage to do something right.

Wayne, Jonathan, Corroded Coffin, and Nancy all changed that belief. 

But, you? Oh, god, you made him believe that he was good, you pulled him out of that darkness, you were the first one to believe in him, you were the one who encouraged him. You made him feel like he was on the right path, always. 

And you were the one who mattered, if he didn’t have you believing that now, what else did he have? 

With a hand on his shoulder, Jeff was dragging him back, he stared at your figure leaving, and with a sigh, he headed backstage. 

-

Aurora was the fifth song they sang, and it should’ve gotten to you, the way his gaze didn’t leave yours, how vulnerable he sounded, the way he barely even made eye contact with the guitar he was supposed to be focusing on, that should’ve gotten to you. 

But it didn’t. 

Your glossy gaze and your crossed arms, as everyone else around you cheered for him, did nothing but upset you more and more. 

Everything was so confusing that you couldn’t even make sense of yourself anymore. Yes, you were mad about everything with Chrissy, but you also knew he didn’t know everything that transpired between you and her. 

Chrissy and Billy should’ve been enough for him to not want anything to do with her, yet you still believed him when he told you it was a mistake, that he would’ve never done it if he knew. And the pool… the things he said in the car. Hours ago when you went to his trailer.

Sure, he was sorry, and he said he’d prove himself to you. 

But none of you ever out loud said anything, it had always been a cowardice dance around your feelings, and you were afraid that if this dance ended, then it would be all too real. It would all be over.

A heave of breath exited your lips, attempting to drown away the worries, but they were spiked up the second the song ended and Eddie spoke up again. 

“This next song is for my friends over there, Nancy and Jonathan,” He exclaimed with a grin, finger excitedly pointing towards the two of them, it was the first time his gaze had left yours, involuntarily your head turned to your right. 

“They’re getting married this weekend, and were kind enough to let me and my dipshit friends play,” He said with a sheepish grin, and Nancy and Jonathan shyly smiled at him, waving him off in a dismissive way, 

“So this is for the soon-to-be newlywed couple, and for the special girl next to them, who’s mad at me for a lot of reasons, and she has every right to be, I was a total ass.” He earned chuckles and some cheering from the crowd, who unintentionally all faced you. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but hey, maybe this might help my case, huh?” He said with a grin, his gaze was dangerously addicting, full of promises, and you couldn’t help the way it made stupid butterflies appear in your stomach. 

It was so easy for him to get you like this, you were starting to feel pathetic. 

Speechless, and the heat quick to rise to your cheeks, you were trying to ignore the whispers and stares from the crowd, but it was basically impossible. 

The opening chords were enough to rattle your memory, the dreamy guitar riffs from Eddie sweeping in echoing the space as if it was just the two of you. 

You knew exactly which song he was playing. 

And the vocals, added with Eddie’s smooth, sultry voice were enough to have your heartbeat raising making you almost feel small, haziness overtaking your mind. 

And it only brought back one memory to your mind. 

FIVE YEARS AGO.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

Another job interview, another opportunity you feel like you have missed.

It hadn’t been long since the two of you had arrived in Los Angeles, yet every passing minute felt like you had been wasting away your time, you needed a job, and no one in stupid LA was hiring you. 

A groan escaped your lips when you plopped yourself onto the couch, right next to Eddie who was way too into scribbling something into a notebook. 

Wait… was he using the…? 

“Is that… the notebook?” Your eyes lit up happily. It was such a small, stupid thing. 

But for you, it was important. That notebook was important. And you never actually thought he’d care about it, but it looked like he was carrying it in his back pocket. 

“Is that a crime?” Eddie sassed.

With a scoff, you narrowed your gaze. “No, doofus! I just didn’t think you’d actually use it.” 

Almost taken aback Eddie sat up straight on the couch, knees brushing against yours now. “Are you kidding? Half of this bad boy is filled with lyrics.”

“What is the other half made of?” You asked with a dangerous grin. 

“You’d have to kill me to find out.” Eddie enunciated dramatically, tone drooping lower to mimic mystery. 

“Oh, come on!” You huffed, curiosity getting the best of you. Scooting closer to him, you pouted. “Can’t you at least give me something?” You asked, all doe-eyed, tone sticky sweet, in a way that always got to Eddie. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” He groaned, almost melting into you, “You know I’ll give you anything if you ask that sweetly.”

You grinned happily, clapping your hands together in victory once he ripped up a page and handed it to you. 

“That is the chorus of a song I’m working on,” He mumbled, eyes nervously following you, waiting to read your reaction.

She's thunderstorms

Lying on her front, up against the wall

She's thunderstorms

Your eyes blinked quickly to process everything. It had been not too long since the both of you had come to L.A., Eddie was desperately trying to send the band’s best material to any label who was willing to sign them. 

And you had just gotten out of a horrible relationship, things had not been steady enough for the two of you to ever discuss anything about your feelings, always tip-toeing around it, but too scared to ever actually delve into it. 

Yet, you could tell this was about you, something about being described as thunderstorms stuck to your mind, maybe he somehow meant it as good. But all it reminded you of was destruction. And he wasn’t wrong. 

It was like everywhere you went, something horrible followed, exactly like a dark cloud looming over, waiting to strike anyone daring to be near you. 

Your hand flew to your mouth, teeth grazing through your nails anxiously. “Who’s this thunderstorm girl?” You asked, masking your nervousness with a brittle smile. 

He snatched the notebook back, ignoring your little huff. “Someone I went to school with,” He answered cooly and then leaned further into your face with a grin. “I was drivin’ around one day, then saw this girl’s car on the side of the road, to be nice I helped fix her car but then she became totally obsessed with me.” He recalled the first time he met you, animatedly.

“Oh, is that so?” 

“Yeah, didn’t leave me alone for years.”

With a narrowed gaze, “Asshole,” you bantered.

“That’s so weird,” He hummed with a smirk “That was her favorite nickname for me,” quipped Eddie and you stuck your tongue at him childishly. 

With a slight push on his elbow, he drew closer to you. “So… what did you think?” He coaxed nervously, you could tell it was important to him, yet being this close was making your mind spin. 

“I like it,” you muttered, unable to face his beautiful features when he was so close, and your mind spinning with the fact that Eddie thought of you as destructive, too.

“That’s it? You… just like it?”

“No that’s not it, it’s just—” With a sigh you snatched back the notebook from his hands. “It’s just… isn’t this bad?” 

“What?” His brows creased together in worry, “W-which one did you not like I can change it-” You shook your head, interrupting his anxious ramble.

“No! I love all of them! But describing… uh—this girl,” Tip-toeing around it, causing Eddie to smirk. “As thunderstorms? Isn’t that bad?” 

“No, not at all. It’s a metaphor.” He shook his head, explaining gently.

“She embodies the essence of thunderstorms—unpredictable and explosive. She has the power to create chaos and destruction, and on the surface that might sound bad, yet within that destruction she sparks a new life. You know, making it so much better,” He hummed, licking his lips.  

“And she also feels like a thunderstorm, intense and electrifying, shaking up your life, in the best way possible.”

“Oh. Wow,” You mumbled, gaze turning mellow with how well he explained everything, heart melting with how he saw you, not just from the surface, like he could peel the intricate layers of your existence, appreciating every part of it. 

“Uhh, then I love that actually,” you concluded with a smile, attempting to mask the fluttering in your stomach. Did he really see you in that way? 

Did he really see you as someone worth all of this? You tried to ignore the tears prickling in your eyes, begging to pour out, but you weren’t going to ruin this moment. 

You didn’t deserve him. In the slightest. He didn’t deserve to get caught up in your bullshit. You shouldn’t have dragged him here. You were being selfish, but, god, did it feel good. 

To finally feel safe, to finally have someone take care of you, to finally have someone you could rely on. After everything, didn’t you at least deserve to be a little selfish? 

But that feeling ate away at you, even though you shook it off for the moment, it was eventually going to return. And it did. 

“You do?” His brows raised in surprise, it made you want to fuck all and just grab his cheeks and kiss him, lips plush together until the two of you couldn’t breathe. 

But you couldn’t afford that, you couldn’t afford the feelings, nor could you afford the fallout. You couldn’t lose him. 

“Mhmm,” You answered with a broken smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He always did.  

“She sounds special.”

“She is,” Eddie agreed, eyeing you with a worried look. “Very, very special,” He repeated, he could tell something was off. 

But it was okay, because he was here for you now, and he wasn’t going to leave. 

NOW:

Suddenly the room felt suffocating. 

Eddie’s gaze on you felt mocking.

It was stupid, he had just dedicated the song to you, yet all your mind could focus on was everything bad that had happened. Ruining everything good that happened with him. 

How were you even going to be with him if you couldn’t even handle this?  

Fear, trust issues, being afraid of not knowing how things were going to go, if you would fuck this up too, then that was it for you. No one else could compare, and you knew that. 

Maybe if you just knew that the same went for Eddie, if you just could see that the five years you spent apart had been just as hell-ish for him if not more. The constant thoughts in his mind reminded him that he could never be over you, truly. Sure, it hurt less now, but the scar was still there, scabbing the second someone mentioned you. The realization of knowing no one could ever be you etched onto his skin. 

“Hey… you okay?” Steve’s concerned voice snapped you out of your thoughts, Eddie’s voice served as a background noise while his gaze was still stuck on you. 

“Y-yeah, I just—” You faltered, face growing numb and anxiety increasing when you suddenly needed some air. 

Too much, all of it was too much. 

Eddie could almost sense it, he grew worried at your frowny brows and your tear-streaked gaze. 

“I’ll be right back,” you mumbled, body jerking back scurrying out quickly when you ignored everyone calling out for your name. 

Eddie’s vocals almost halted, missing a few notes on the guitar before Gareth was quick to snap him back to it. 

His head cocked toward your direction, desperate, nearly begging to stop the show, but all of them shook their head quickly, and once Eddie turned back to see the look on Jonathan and Nancy’s face, he realized he couldn’t do this to them. 

This was his friends' wedding, and he owed this to them. When the song ended, he was quick to mouth to the others, “After the next song, we’re taking a break.” It wasn’t a request, it was final.

And frankly, the rest of them were too tired out to even argue with a hot-headed Eddie.

“So how is your plan working, dingus?” Robin jeered at Steve.

“Shut up.”

There were a couple more people outside, all leaning against the wall, chuckling while talking over each other loudly, the smoke of their lit cigarettes quick to take over your senses. 

With a cough, you leaned further away from them, mind still unraveling what had just happened. You didn’t even know what was happening anymore. 

You wanted to smoke, hand itched to reach for the pocket of your jacket and light one to take away your stress, but you could barely breathe as it was right now. 

A light tap on your shoulder snapped you away from your thoughts. 

Who was it now? 

You huffed loudly when your head cocked back.

Fucking great. 

Chrissy.

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” You pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance, this just had to be your luck, your feet picked up quickly, hand quick to reach for the door and go back inside.

“Please, please don’t leave,” She pleaded.

Your hold on the door remained, barely glancing back at her, “Just leave me alone!” You snapped. 

“I just want to apologize, please, then I’ll leave you alone, forever.”

“Please, just five minutes.”

You shouldn’t, you really shouldn’t. 

Your hold on the door faltered, and with a deep sigh, you turned to her. “Fine.”

“Five minutes,” You warned, your patience already wearing thin.  

Her face lit up, blinking a few times to make sure she heard you correctly. “O-oh, okay, good,” She cleared her throat.

“First of all, I’m sorry, for everything, for what I said five years ago, for what I did with Billy, for using what he did to you like a fucking joke. For w-what I said about your parents.” She stammered.

“It’s too late, I know, I fucked up, I shouldn’t have done any of those things, you didn’t deserve it. You deserved a better friend, someone like you.” She almost looked at you like she was waiting for your approval, gauging your reaction, your expressionless face encouraged her to continue. 

“I was bitter, jealous. Which isn’t a fucking excuse, I know, I was just—” she took a deep breath. “You were everything I wanted to be, careless, had all the boys' attention, and you didn’t even have to try, you didn’t have to do anything, and they’d just fall at your feet. And I was stupid, bitter, and insecure enough to envy that.”

“That’s not my problem, Chrissy.” You spat out with your gaze narrowing, you couldn’t handle her pity party right now.

“And really, you wanted to be me? Chrissy I didn’t have parents, my boyfriend was a narcissistic asshole.I was broke.” You scoffed with an ironic chuckle, shaking your head in anger.

“I know, I know. It was stupid, and I was stupid, and you didn’t deserve any of that.” Sincerity. Something you haven’t seen from her in years.

“I just wanted to tell you that none of it was your fault.” Now your gaze narrowed, a chuckle rolling on your lips. 

You opened your mouth to speak, to protest. “No, I know you’re going to say you didn’t think that but I know you do. Even though you hate me, which I don’t blame you, I know you like the back of my hand, you blame yourself, you always did it. And I’m telling you shouldn’t because it was all my fault. A-and I shouldn’t have done whatever I did with Eddie, I practically took advantage of him like he did to me and then got mad at him, oh god, I’m such a fucking bitch, aren’t I?”

Your eyes blinked quickly to process all of it. Her apology didn’t mean anything, her words didn’t mean anything. But deep down, you knew she was right, even if you wouldn’t admit it. Because you spent many nights blaming yourself, for even opening up to them in the first place. 

“First of all, breathe,” you mumbled with annoyance.  

“Second of all, yes you are,” you huffed. 

“And, taking advantage? What do you mean?” 

“Some fucked up part of me wanted him because I knew you wanted him back then, a-and he was right there and he was being nice to me and—” Chrissy took a deep sigh, big blue eyes staring into you knowing that you were not going to like what she was going to say.

“I should’ve known.”

With puckered brows, you crossed your arms against your chest. “Known what?” 

“That he was still hung up on you,” she muttered.

You were quick to roll your eyes, “Chrissy—”

“No, no just listen.” But she wasn’t going to let you spiral.

“Look you were dumb enough then—” You threw her a glare, so daggeringly cold that she stopped.  

“Sorry,” she muttered before continuing, “Look, the two of you wasted a lot of time. And I know it’s funny hearing this from me because I took part in it, but I’m only saying this because he’s a nice guy, even though I don’t particularly like him right now, he’s a nice guy, and you deserve someone like him.” She enunciated, azure hues embodying such sympathy that had you taken aback.

“You loved him back then, too. I could see it, and I could see it in him, too. That’s what I always wanted, and maybe that’s why he intrigued me so much. But I knew he never got over you.” 

You could feel your heart skip a beat, it wasn’t anything new, but hearing this from her, it meant something. 

You needed to take control of your feelings, and hearing Chrissy’s words was doing nothing but fuel them more. “Chrissy stop—”

“No, Pinky! He told me! He told me it was you! It had always been you!” She exclaimed, her face growing a nice pink color as you stood frozen.

Your brain felt mushy, rest of your body felt so warm, but still that anger lingered. Why couldn’t he just tell you this? Why couldn’t he just show you?

“What?” You mumbled, brows pinched together.

“Yes!” She exclaimed, sighing at your reaction.

“Look, I just wanted to tell you this, and tell you to get your head out of your ass. I know I’m the last person you wanted to hear this from, but I had to at least make one thing right for you because I know I fucked up every other thing.”

You wanted to tell her to stay the fuck out of it, you wanted to tell her it was all because of her. That she basically ruined your life. But it wasn’t true. It wasn’t all her, it was Billy, too. It wasn’t all her, Eddie played a part in it, too. 

But you weren’t going to waste your breath, you didn’t need to blow up in her face for her to know she was wrong, she needed to let that feeling sink in. You weren’t going to forgive her, and you didn’t need to make a fuss about it to feel real. 

This was it. A closure. 

“I’m sorry, for everything. And I know that you won’t forgive me, but that’s okay. I’m sorry, but please listen to what I just said. Please don’t get in your head and try to ruin something this perfect, okay?”

A peaceful smile appeared on your lips, and you took a deep breath. “You’re right, I won’t forgive you.” You weren’t going to give her any satisfaction or approval, her words didn’t mean a thing. 

“Goodbye, Chrissy.” You mumbled. 

You could see her stammering, struggling to open her mouth, because she couldn’t say anything else, and this is what she promised, five minutes. It was over. 

You backed yourself against the wall, fingers fishing out the pack of cigarettes sitting in the pocket of your jacket. 

Without having anything else left to say, she left. And you heaved a sigh of breath, the tip of your cigarette smoldering when you lit it. 

You inhaled with eyes squeezed shut, head swirling with much to think about. But at least you were alone. Finally, some space for you to think, and to lay out a little bit of your stress with the most unhealthy outlet.  

And of course, that peace lasted for about a few minutes, just when you had finished your cigarette, squishing the remains on the nearest trashcan, Eddie appeared, lightly squeezing your arm to have your attention.

“What?” You snapped when you saw him, eyeing the way he looked taken aback. 

His hands held up in front of his chest in defeat, clearly not understanding your sudden rage. The laughter around you had died, people who were smoking outside the bar were clearly more entertained by your drama. 

With a huff, you dragged Eddie away from it all, still close to the bar but far away to not have any other distractions. 

He sighed, brows etched with worry. “Why did you leave?”

Your hand flew to your forehead, trying to calm your nerves, trying to clear your mind. “Eddie, are you kidding me?” You scoffed, arms wrapped across your chest defensively. “You can’t just drag me away from James, dedicate songs to me and—”

His forehead puckered. “Why not? They’re all about you anyway,” he said with a sly smirk. 

“Aurora, She’s Thunderstorms, Zero, Forget Her, Resolve, Fool, two fucking albums, all dedicated to you, you know that.”

“These notes? These stupid notes I’ve been carrying?” He huffed loudly, hand quick to fish inside of his back pocket, aggressively flipping through the pages. “Even if every nerve in my body were numb I’d still be able to feel her.” He turned the page toward you before flipping again. 

“I have tried to forget you but I can’t, you invade my dreams, my mind, my whole fucking life. You’re stuck in me and I don’t have the heart to get you out.” He shook his head, reciting it all like it was nothing, but you felt all of it. 

His notes making you dizzy. His words scrambling your mind like never before. 

“She’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever. That one is uh—in a song, too,” he mumbled, cheeks flushing with how passionate he was getting, and you held your breath, it’s like you were staring into his soul. 

Stark naked. Laying bare, he really was doing this. And you didn’t want him to stop, even though your mouth suggested otherwise. 

“And so much more embarrassing stuff that I don’t want to include to not ruin my chances,” he muttered with a lazy smile, and you hated that you could feel it in your skin, the flutters, stomach flipping in the best possible way. 

“All fucking about you. Because it was you, from the moment we met.”

“S—stop,” your mouth betrayed you, it was the furthest thing from the truth, and you needed to hear more. You needed the reassurance, you needed him to convince you. More than anything in the world. 

But it was all so scary, and he was so close to you that you could feel his passion integrated into your veins. 

“Why, Pinky, why should I stop? Why do we have to tip-toe around each other, huh?” He was desperate, eyes flashing with a newfound of desire for you, he wasn’t going to let it go this time.

And it scared you, him being this determined, getting so close to what you actually felt was making your skin crawl, because the way you could feel your heart thumping against your ribcage wasn’t normal. What he was making you feel wasn’t normal. “Because w—we can’t!”

“We can’t what?” He complained, a deep sigh escaping his lips. 

“W—we can’t do this, you can’t—”

He shook his head with his brows puckered. “Who are you to decide that? I want to, I so badly want to,” He spat, taking a step closer to you, face merely inches away from you. 

His gaze was dangerously inviting, those alluring amber eyes melted into yours, making your pupils dilate, breath hitching as you struggled to keep him away. “Please, Eddie, d—don’t.”

You gulped, hand raising to put a space between the two of you, but it was impossible. He was in your veins now. “Too much has happened, you with Chrissy and—” You didn’t even know what you were blabbering about, just anything to stop your feelings from getting out. 

“Chrissy was a mistake!” He retorted with a hiss. He hated that you saw Chrissy as a problem between the two of you. Yes, he fucked up, but it really was a mistake, he’d take it all back in a heartbeat if he could. 

Your gaze narrowed, that pettiness returned when you scoffed. “Which time, when you kissed her or when you brought her to brunch?”

Eddie let out a bitter chuckle, shaking his head when he looked at you with a dumbfounded look. “Jesus fucking Christ…” He took a breather. “I can’t believe you’re doing that again,” he mumbled, realizing that it wasn’t going to be easy to get you out of this mindset. 

It was going to be hard, to convince you of anything, and he understood that, he had trust issues himself, but he wasn’t going to back down. This was it.

You crossed your arms against your chest, gaze avoiding him momentarily. “Doing what?” You muttered.

“You just— you get scared when things get serious, running away when it gets just even a little bit too real,” He scoffed, angling closer to you, fingers ruffling through his curls in frustration.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah! You call me a coward and fucking look at you!” He snapped, hands gesturingly pointing to you.

“Scrambling just at the thought of us being together.” He argued, some part of him feeling a bit insecure, that maybe you didn’t want this. But, no, he saw that glint in your eyes, he knew the little angry twitch on your lips. You felt the same. And all you needed was a little push. 

You breathed, mind scrambled and trying so hard to convince yourself to leave. “T—that’s not it, you—uh you just don’t get it!” You complained with a huff. 

Another step closer. One more step and his lips would be on yours, Eddie knew this, you knew this. His gaze momentarily drooped down to your lips, then back to your dilated pupils. 

“Then make me understand, let me help you, don’t fucking run, not this time.” It was a little jab, but something needed to get you to spill, he was playing all the right cards and you were getting overwhelmed.

“J—just stop!”

“Why? Fucking why? Tell me one good fucking reason as to why we shouldn’t try it, we never even gave it a chance!” He ranted, veins in his forehead popping with how much he was trying to keep it all together. And you weren’t even trying. 

“We wouldn’t work, okay?” 

He shook his head. “Not good enough,” He argued. 

“W—we’re on two different paths now, Eddie.” You didn’t have any good excuses, he was right. 

“Not good enough.” Once again, that same arguing tone. 

You huffed. “Too much time passed and—”

“Not fucking good enough!” He cursed, hands landing on your shoulder to keep you in place, and your cheeks flushed immediately, while still trying to deny it. You were pathetic.

“Stop being a fucking coward!” He seethed, eyes fiery and red. 

Why were you insisting on being so fucking stubborn? You were driving him crazy, yet it wasn’t going to stop him. 

Coward is what had you scrambling. Because you knew he was right. “Fuck you,” You spat, body jerking quickly to leave, feet picking up quickly as Eddie groaned loudly.

So. Fucking. Stubborn. 

He was quick on his feet, letting curses slip past his lips before he yanked you to him, earning a small gasp from your lips before you finally faced him. 

Gaze mellow, but just as fiery, your furrowed brows and dilated pupils only encouraging him more and more. Flutters in your stomach had never left, your skin was burning, everywhere, but specifically on the hold he had on you. 

You didn’t manage to utter anything else, you couldn’t because he had you this time. There was no running away from it, your heart was hammering so hard inside of your chest that you were sure he could hear it. 

His hold on your arm was firm but somehow gentle, letting you know that he wasn’t going to let you go.

You opened your mouth, wanting to speak, but he interrupted, his hands now firmly cupping your cheeks, squishing you with force, and you couldn’t help the contended sigh that left your parted lips. “I’m not letting you run away, not this time,” He mumbled, words sounding like silk falling from his lips, all you could do was gaze into him. He stood inches away from you, breath fanning against your face.

He licked his lips desperately, gaze drooping to your candy-glossed, needy lips. Face so close that you could feel the desperation radiating off of him. And you shared it. You managed to take a quick breath before his hand fisted your hair and his mouth crashed down to yours.

He pressed you harder against his chest, breathless, your lips molded together, a perfect fit. And he could taste the Cosmopolitan on your tongue, a tinge of alcohol mixed with your sweetness, making his head spin, a taste he realized he’d never have enough of. 

Those little thumps your heart did were now out of control, possibly pounding a million beats a second. His small stubble scratched against your chin, rough, it should’ve made you uncomfortable yet all it did was make you kiss him harder, shutting up your brain as your mouth replied to him, kissing him back with just as much force, you melted into him, melted into his hold, and you let him engulf you, fully, completely. 

Plushy lips slightly parted apart, his tongue slipped past between your teeth, your hand finding its way to his hair, feeling the curly strands between your fingers, it’s softer than you expected and your lips parted to let out a slight whine as you tugged at them.

All those years of wishing, all those years of wanting, yearning, and needing exploded into this. Kissing like your lives depended on it, chests pressed against each other, Eddie’s hand slipping to your waist, desperately tugging you closer to him as if that was even possible. 

Your heart exploded into your chest, his tongue not wavering the chance to explore yours, sucking on it, greedily, desperately. 

The background noises disappeared, the cackles of the girls, the booming music coming from inside of the bar, and the honks from the busy street. They ceased to exist and it was just you and him. Feeling each other, completely, fully. 

You knew at some point one of you had to pull away, but none of you dared to, it was just pure desire, a hunger that couldn’t be sated. 

All the years spent yearning and pining, acting like two fucking idiots. 

He wanted to breathe you, drink you in, and he wasn’t intent on letting you go. Ever.

You from five minutes ago who wanted to refuse him, refuse this was an absolute fucking idiot. Gone. You tasted like the sweetest honey and he tasted like everything you wanted and more. It’s even needier than the first kiss, more sure, it’s like a promise. 

This is it. Both of you can feel it. This finally changes everything. 

final authors note — uhhhh so yeah... if yall wanna talk about that my asks r open LMAO.

[boolpropism]

Aoife:  Tá brón orm. I had warned you, if our paths crossed again, I’m bound by duty to slay you. 

Nandi: Yet our paths keep crossing. Go on, keep your oath. 

...

Nandi: And what am I to do with you, mo chroí?

♫

[lemonprick]

since everything else looks to be pretty promising as of right now, i really really hope they don’t mess up the music design of the percy jackson d+ series! it’s a weird sentiment, since that’s probably the least of everyone’s concerns, but also maybe i’m just way too attached to the lightning thief musical to only associate pjo with rock music. i cannot imagine the tlt fight between ares and percy without electric guitar, and in my mind im envisioning percy’s solo fight on manhattan bridge in tlo as the immigrant song scene in thor ragnarok.

i really do think the ost will determine what genre the series is going for! best case scenario they follow rob rokicki’s vision (who, by the way, literally has ‘rock’ in his name) and use a variety of genres to capture all the angst, light-hearted comedy and pure emotional whiplash that the story has to offer. i really don’t want it to be just a bunch of hype pop songs or generic orchestral tracks because i don’t think it quite services pjo’s tone and style; it’s always been a story about scrappy kids trying to survive in a grim world that (sometimes) wants them dead, but with just enough moments of hope and fun to make it a children’s series.

also the sheer number of locations that percy and co travel through! there’s so much material to play with!! irock and teenage edge with a hint of campy fun for camp halfblood, grand and strings-y for when the gods show up. electro-swing at the lotus hotel to signify its timelessness. little panpipe motif for when pan is nearby. a little kalimba for calypso’s island. (thinking about these little things make me so happy, i don’t even know why.)

they seem to be sticking pretty close to canon in terms of setting (the cabins are in the correct layout!) so im interested in knowing how they might go around the elements that aren’t available from the source material. sure, this would probably up the already high production value but it’s disney collaborating with one of the most well-known young adult franchises.

(i do wanna know whether the show’s going to acknowledge the other adaptations that came before it though. we all know rick hates the movies so that’s probably a no, although it’s a still a possibility that produciton could sneak an easter egg or two referencing the movie. i'm more interested in whether the musical’s going to be part of the show somewhat, what with the mysterious tweet from the tlt musical twitter account a while back about a possible remake. if it were up to me i’d totally make ‘bring on the monsters’ the theme song for season 1, and sneak in ‘good kid’ as the ending for one of the angstier episodes, like what they do in the umbrella academy.)

[beomglocks]

what yeonjun is like as a boyfriend

warnings & other: no warnings except for falling in love with yeonjun, but is that so bad?, side note: no body asked for this but between college stress aka finals and daily life struggles this is the only thing i could manage to come up with so plz enjoy.

w/c: 2 more words and its 1K

jesus take the wheel

when you first meet him he’s flirting

biting his lips and licking them

raising his eyebrows and all like

????

calm down i don’t even know your name yet

very bold

so shameless when you first meet him

“you look like someone”

“oh really who?”

“my future partner ;)”

ngl you would be so put off by his confidence

but he knows when to tone it down and you’re like

“oh you’re actually tolerable!”

if youre shy then rip you

always trying to get you out of your comfort zone

probably does extra shit in public and you just have to laugh along nervously

then when yall are alone you scold him for embarrasing you and he’s like

“ok ok im sorry” *hug*

if youre confident like him youre both annoying

just kidding but thats real couple goals

everyone is jealous of yall

he’s so cocky

always showing you off

“hi everyone this is my partner!”

“yeonjun...we know...we’ve known ever since you introduced them 5 months ago”

thinks you’re the most beautiful human to ever grace the earth and it’s not even close

“seriously how did i end up with someone like you”

seems like the type of boyfriend to kiss the ground you walk on

*not to be confused with a simp*

yeonjun does not simp

he has morals

so you know how he tends to say “baby” a lot

yeah

thats his fav nickname for you and vise versa

omg he loves that nickname forreal

skinship

like i know i said beomgyu and skinship was a huge thing

but my god

yeonjun is on a whole other level

just comes up to you and annoys you with wanting to be close

hes so clingy

but will probrably pout and whine when youre clingy with him

“ahhh y/n you like me sooo much look at you clinging to me like this, leave me aloooooone”

obviously he doesnt mean it like cmon youre each others batteries

kissing you in public

im talking full on makeout sessions

“we’re in public...”

“ok and?”

literally just always all up on you

if youre someone who needs their space yall will CLASH

might even get into arguments because of this

serious arguments where you call him annoying

i feel like he will take it to heart if you call him that

nobody likes being called annoying :(

wont touch or talk to you for days

DAYS

thats dog years in your relationship

you have to apologize and really mean it

he’ll accept it if you kiss him

omg he’s so jealous

SO JEALOUS

doesn’t want people looking at you too long

dont try to make him jealous he will fight the other person

ok maybe just giving them the stank eye then he’ll pull up like

“hey im standing right here have some damn respect”

you guys definitely fight

A L O T

sometimes over petty shit but sometimes it gets serious

always threatning to break up but never doing it 

you both know you’re bluffing but it still hurts everytime

but your relationship is strong

i feel like yeonjun wouldnt get into a relationship if he knew he wouldnt have a strong connection with the person

he values communication

tell him how you feel

he’ll always listen

if he’s feeling down you better buy him his favorite foods and run your hands through his hair ok!

speaking of food

best food runs

like will just randomly be like 

“hey wanna go to this one place with me?”

and it’s like 2am 

but he insists the food is worth it

best dates too

either a restaurant date

(doesnt have to be expensive, just gotta have good food)

or he cooks for the both of you

he cooks surprisingly good????

you’re like there’s no way you made this

he’s like damn you hate me that much

but no like actually can cook but he’s clumsy you know

you gotta be monitering him

which he doesnt mind, he likes having your presence in the kitchen with him

PLEASE i feel like he doesn’t like being alone when he’s doing everyday tasks idk

like if he’s brushing his teeth or if you’re brushing your teeth

he’s right there back hugging you ugh

the type to walk on the side of the sidewalk where cars are closer to <3

if you’re younger than him he kinda has a superiority complex

not in a condescending way

he just tends to baby you more

if you’re older he still tries to act older in some ways

“yeonjun im going to the grocery store!”

“actually i made that exact same grocery list and went 3 days ago”

“the only thing on the list was rice?”

but he likes being babied

coo at him and he’ll get shy and tell you to stop

meeting the other members isn’t too bad

“this is my significant other! arent they just so etheral?”

everyone nods because if they dont yeonjun will probably give them some choice words later

you gotta compliment him a lot

he thrives off compliments honestly

you: “you looked good in that one scene”

him: “yeah but i looked good in all the scenes though right?”

you CANNOT C A N N O T compliment anyone else

you: “soobi-”

him: glaring at you “what about him?”

just to mess with him youre like “soobin killed this scene too”

pouts and whines

“nooooo what do you mean he killed this scene?? i’m the scene too pay attention to me!”

studio sessions with him are a vibe

he likes rnb so yall would just be chilling on days where he doesnt have schedules. 

plays his rnb playlist and yall just vibe out 

youre both laying down on the studio couch with his head in your neck and he’s dozing off *broken heart emoji”

wait ok i know i’ve said this before but

he’s the type to tease you during arguments

“you wanna kiss me so bad”

and when you do he’s all smug about it

“my baby just can’t stay mad at me for long huh”

your friends think he’s hot

they probably think he’s way too good looking to be dating you

so you doubt yourself

but he’s like nah our looks are on par that’s why we’re perfect together fuck them

always wants you to watch him dance

during practice or not, he wants you there

after hours at the practice room is just him playing some random song and freestyling

but you love it because he looks so happy and free

probably does some cheesy shit like ask you to dance with him

or if you’re sitting down on your phone he’ll come up to you dancing just to bother you then just laugh

he’s the best boyfriend

idk

[george-fabian-weasley]

if we had 5 more minutes — f. w.

Summary: You thought you could save Fred from the rumbles of falling stones; you did your best, only to be in the rumbles with him instead.

Words: 2,160 words

Warnings ⚠ : ANGST, TW: Death, TW: Battle of Hogwarts, TW: war, TW: injuries, Fred died, you died, big Pain™, I strongly suggest tissues and a dozen of comfort chocolates, I cried so you will too, Basically An Emotional Rollercoaster, Read At Your Own Risk

Disclaimer: inspired by Billie Eilish's cover of The End of The World, so... ya'll know this is going to be a painful ride. Buckle up your seatbelts and enjoy. Reblogs and Comments are Highly Appreciated! <3 p/s: reading this with the song at the background really helps with the tear pouring effect ;)

Disclaimer 2.0: i know what yall are thinking... what tf is syaf doing, posting a fic when she’s in a hiatus she just posted yesterday? Also where is mad hatter chap 5 and epilogue? well, my brain likes to conjure up ideas at very inappropriate times (like rn) so bare with me and uh i’ve been really physically and mentally exhausted from work (retail is bathshit crazy) to write the mad hatter series so idk when will i update the two chapters but i’m working on it! thank you for being patient, and im sorry for causing you guys to wait for so long, ilysm don’t kill me <3 

masterlist! | general taglist! | buy me a coffee!

The end of the world.

The Battle of Hogwarts looked like the end of the world. Curses and spells thrown left to right, different kinds of bodies found at each corner and crook, walls here and there crumbling as down as hope for freedom. And blood.

At that point of time, the pools of blood on the floor look the same; pureblood or not. Because they bleed the same anguish red.

You didn't need to see the apocalypse of the world anymore. Screw the end of Mother Earth; this battle in front of your eyes was more than enough — sadly — to be your end of the world.

“Hey,” You called, causing Fred to turn his head around to your direction, his lips etched up a smile before replying with another hey. You sat next to him, the place where George had sat before he got up and left to speak with Professor Lupin.

Evil is winning, and good is losing. But then again, what difference would it make; if good kills as many as evil? At the end of the world, there is no good and evil alone. There are desperation, madness, and hunger for power, lust for victory brought along with them.

So, at the end of the world, you chose to be side by side with your lover, Fred Weasley. The red-headed dork you’ve taught yourself to pour your love into had become the very source of your life. He is your elixir, he is your soul, heart, and happiness.

It was silent for a while, none of you had anything to say. Yet the silence was comforting, with only the presence of each other as calming as it is. “Y/N,” Fred suddenly turned his head to you, biting his lower lip in contemplation. “Hm?” “Can you just stay at the Burrow?” 

You blinked, “What?” Fred sighed, “Can you just stay at the Burrow right now and not join the war? I- I don’t want you to join in-” “Fred-” “I-It’s dangerous and it’s literally a war a-and I don’t want you to get hurt I would- I would rather die than have you hurt-” 

“Fred!” You raised your voice, your hand clasping onto his securely, an effort to calm his frenzied thoughts. He stopped rambling and stared at you with those doe eyes you adored so much, “You know I can’t do that.”

“We need everyone on board for this war. I am no exception- bloody hell, even your parents are joining in, Freddie!” You tried to explain slowly, and Fred closed his eyes in denial of defeat. 

“I love you,” he suddenly blurted out. He noticed the slight fluster you had, your eyebrows were raised for a millisecond before they furrowed upon a realization, “Wait, why are you saying this now? I-“ “I love you, Y/N,” he repeated himself and you shook your head, realizing what he was doing, “Wait, hold on a minute, no-“

He was saying it in case anything happens.

“Y/N, I love you-” “Don’t you dare say it one more time like you’re not gonna make it, Fred Weasley, I swear to Merlin,” You cut him off, your jaw clenching at his absurdness. “… Aren’t you gonna say it back?” Fred asked, his voice was small.

“I-” You sighed, “No, I won’t because I don’t want to say it right now, given the circumstances,” You paused, your voice quieting down, “It felt like a goodbye when you say it like that.” “Then when will you say it? We’ve been dating for almost a year and you'd never say it before,” He said.

“Really? This is the time to argue about this?” You gave him a pointed look, but your expression softened as you understood the meaning behind his actions. “Look, Freddie, I- You know how I feel about us,” You sighed, looking down at your hands on your lap, “You know I’m not that expressive with my words but- but I’m trying and- okay, let’s make a deal,” Fred’s ears perked up the mention of a deal. "I'm listening," he drawled.

“I’ll say the words when the war is over,” Fred gave you a sour look that clearly said ‘really?’ and it caused you to huff a smile, “Once everything is over, and everything is okay again, I’ll say them as many times as you want me to, okay?” Fred leaned into your touch as you cupped his cheek with your hand, kissing his forehead.

“Even if I made you say it a thousand times?” He asked and you chuckled, your heart warming at his childlike question, “I’ll say it for an hour if you asked me to.”

It happened so fast.

One second you were fighting off the Death Eaters with Percy and Fred, and then the other, you find your body aching at the major pressure from the rocks and debris that used to be Hogwarts’ protective wall from the outside world.

It was dark, and it was dusty, but you were too unconscious to notice. That was until you felt your cheek being patted a few times. As you gained consciousness with a cough or two, you also gained the pending pain spreading all across your whole body. You couldn’t feel your legs, or safe to say your whole lower body part. 

Memories of you a few moments ago trying to push Fred away from the rumbles but ended up facing the falling stones head-on with him instead began to flow back into your mind. How foolish could you be to act like a hero, as if you could sacrifice yourself for him to live.

“… Y-Y/N…”

You turned your head with a silent grunt, and your eyes fixate at the body beside you, a few feet away, Fred. 

He had blood leaking from his nose and ears, probably from the impact, and his face was dusty with debris from the stones. As he looked at you, he threw you a smile; a weak, hiding the fact that he’s in immense pain kind of smile.

“F-fancy seeing you here,” he grunted with a wince, a smile nevertheless rested on his lips. “Fred…” you could only mutter his name, closing your eyes for a brief second at the growing pain on your thighs. The pressure from the rumbles had slowly increased, and you felt yourself losing consciousness again. Only to be brought back to open your eyes as Fred poked your cheeks a few more times, “Hey, hey, s-stay with me, love.”

“We’ll… We’ll be okay.”

You winced at the trickling sensation on your skin as you tried to move your fingers towards him, “It’s… It’s impossible, Fred…” You voiced out, your voice cracking up. You saw Fred’s lips quivered before he threw you another comforting smile, “Don’t… Don’t say that. We’ll make it… I-I know we will.”

“We… We will?”

Groaning from the injuries on his body as he tried to move closer to you, he nodded, “We will.”

You felt his fingers trying to reach for yours, and you handed him assistance as you hooked your fingers with his. His hand was cold, trembling. But it was Fred’s. And Fred’s hand is always warm.

“It’s… It’s so heavy,” You whimpered in pain, looking at Fred for comfort. All Fred wished to do at the moment was to be strong enough. Strong enough to push off these rumbles pressing onto his body. Strong enough to pull you out from the pain. All he wished for was for you to not be in pain anymore. But he knew he couldn’t do anything. The rumbles were too big, too heavy, and it would take a while for anyone to find them at the bottom of everything. 

Fred breathed out heavily through his mouth, slowly finding it difficult to breathe through his nose anymore, trying his best to look strong for you, “Stay with me, love. S-stay with me. Five more minutes. F-five more minutes and they’ll- they’ll save us…”

“Fred…”

“Five more minutes, I promise…”

You saw the desperation in his eyes, trying his best to somehow keep you afloat until you two are saved. You heard muffles from the other side, Percy screaming for Fred and you. His screams were sad and painful to hear; you would’ve cried for him if it wasn’t for the constant high-pitched ringing in your ears.

“Fred, h-hold my hand. P-please,” You whispered, finding no more strength to say anything louder than a whisper. He instantly intertwined your fingers with his, stretching as far as he could to reach you; no matter how screeching the pain in his lower body was.

“Fred,” You called him again. He chuckled a bit, “You’re… you’re saying my name a lot of times right now, darling.” You huffed a smile, the corner of your lips twitched, “… I want to ask you something.”

“… Anything.”

Your eyes met his, even in the darkness, his eyes still managed to look so beautiful. So earthly beautiful. “… Are you happy, Freddie?”

There was something about the way you say it, Fred couldn’t get a touch of what it was but… it felt like a goodbye. As much as Fred hated to admit, he wasn’t holding on much longer either. He was bleeding heavily from everywhere, his wand was out of his reach, and his body was starting to numb. His vision began to blur by itself, hence he blinked his eyes repeatedly. Trying his best to see your features clearly, one last time, if the worst happens.

This is it, he thought. This is the end of my line. 

Finding an urge to cry, but didn’t have enough strength to sob, Fred let out a tear or two onto the dusty surface he laid his head on, his eyes closing after the content stare of your beautiful— though bloody and dusty— face. How ironic, he’s slipping away first even though he was the one who said five more minutes.

If only you had five more minutes.

“W-with… With you? Heh, always… “ The whisper coming out from his mouth caused you to narrow your eyes at him. It felt strange, it felt wrong. Was he saying goodbye? Watching Fred close his eyes was alarming, so you gained all your strength to pat his hand a few times, “H-hey, Freddie… Five more minutes. Hang… Hang on for five more minutes, please.”

You squeezed his hand, and he naturally squeezed back, only this time it was weaker than usual. His grip on your hand started to soften, but you tightened yours desperately. The pain all over your body was partially forgotten, your only focus was on keeping Fred breathing and alive, as well as yourself. 

“I’m… I’m trying, my love… but I’m sleepy… and tired…” he mumbled, his words became slurred by time. He was on the edge, you realized that. Upon the sad realization, you bit your tongue, trying your best to prepare for the worst. “L-look at me, darling,” Your voice quivered, feeling the sandy surface on your temple as you tried to force your eyes open, to properly look at him, “Look at me.”

You knew it. He was slipping away from your fingers, and you were slipping too. It didn’t matter anymore even if Percy bulldozed his way to you now, it was too late. Simply too late. And that’s none of his faults. It’s none of his and none of yours.

Some things are just meant to be.

You took your other hand and placed it onto his cold, dirty cheek. Caressing his cheekbone gently, you gave him a comforting smile, “Fred.”

He looked at you, a faint smile on his lips. He’s at the end, you acknowledged. You widen your smile to assure him, although the tears escaping your eyes say otherwise, “… You make me happy. You make me so so happy. And I… I love you.”

“I love you, Freddie.”

With a big smile, Fred widened his eyes weakly, letting out a sigh of content as he looked at you with gentle eyes,“… Now that wasn’t so hard, now was it?“

Gentle eyes that soon hollowed empty.

“Yeah,” the dam of your tears broke down, “Took me a long time...” You squeezed his now lifeless hand, trying to find comfort and warmth from him for the last time. You smiled at Fred, whilst tears rolling down your temple slowly as if mourning the passing of your lover for you. You inched closer to him, careful not to graze your injuries, and met your nose with his.

You caressed his cheek, finally feeling yourself lose consciousness. This is it, you thought, I won’t wake up ever again. “You said we’ll be okay,” You whispered weakly, huffing a content smile on your lips. Staring into his eyes that had held so much love and pure unadulterated affection for you all these years, now empty with no trace of life, had sent you into pain more powerful than the injuries present on and in your body.

“I guess we will be, after this.”

“… You spent your last five minutes with me, huh?” You felt yourself going in and out of consciousness, and your vision blurring continuously, “Aren’t you a sappy git,” the mere whisper escaped your mouth with a sigh. The warm smile never left your lips, and the only thing in your mind was how peaceful he looked as of that moment, and you wondered if you’ll ever be in that state of peace, with him.  

“No- no- no!” someone was shouting. “No! Fred! no!” And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them with his hand on Y/N’s head, and the pair of lovers stared at each other without seeing, the ghost of their last smile still etched upon their faces.

On our last few drags of air, we agree

I was, and you were

Happy

TAGLIST:

@multifandom-but​ @sirenswhispers​ @lilac-skies-xd​ @obsessedunicorn24​ @foggyturtleknightangel​​ @evewithluv​ @softlyqoos​ @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13​ @lilypad-55449​ @fiantomartell​ @hopemalfoyweasley​ @just-here-to-escape-from-reality​ @bucketandpotato​ @klausdatprettyboi​ @adoregin​ @littlechillies​ @phuvioqhile​ @sweetnspicysimp​ @wand3ringr0s3​ @harrypotter289​ @emptyporsche​ @tallyovie​  @potters-heart​ @amourtentiaa​ @lunalovecroft​ @loveboyhalo @lupinsclassroom​ @breadqueen95 @iwritesiriusly @rcwenaclaw​ @sevsbitxh​ @freds-slut​ @acosmis-t​ @colorfulprofessornickelangel​ @vote4weasleys​ @anchoeritic​​ @alluringshawn​ @cute-sidney​ @anna-banana-13​ @lostaurorax​ @emrysts​ @rosietoesy @lilgeorgie78 @prismarts @an2402lths

[izupie]

I got tagged in this like a bazillion years ago but I only just now remembered about it aaaa - thank you for tagging me @microsuedemouse I do love answering these sorts of things <3

------------

1. three ships: ok here we go

Destiel (Dean/Castiel) - don't boo me I'm right - it's the angel/hunter frenemies to friends to lovers pipeline. theyre cute theyre messy theyre besties theyre fighting theyre risking it all to save each other again. *chefs kiss*

Albether (Albedo/Aether) - boyfriends with secrets and emotional scars find comfort in each other. the quiet one with the bubbly one dynamic. plus they just look cute together im sorry

Izuocha (Izuku/Ochako) - pure fluff. supportive and adorable. theyre uncomplicated to me and make me smile

---

2. first ship ever: oooooh !! let me cast my mind back.... back...... oh no why is this so far back........ okay!

The first time I can remember wanting two characters to be together is probably when I was a teeny tiny Izupie watching Sailor Moon while I was in primary school, maybe year 3/4 I think? (UK school system - I have no idea what the equivalent would be in the US) (I could google it) (but I don't wanna)

I was obsessed with Sailor Moon every morning on tv. I watched the dub though - back when I had no idea these things were even dubbed over at all. I loooooved Serena and Darien - I'm sorry I know their dub names can give people hives, but I have so many fond memories of them I'll love them even if nobody else does asdfghjk

the whole he's really secretly tuxedo mask thing broke my tiny little mind and I was like gaaasssppp ! and I wanted them to be together even more - their initial I like you/you annoy me dynamic probably informed a lot of my ship preferences going forward

Every time there was an episode focusing on their relationship I would get so invested. they were my first real 'ship' for sure

3. currently listening: I'm not really listening to any particular music rn - I listen to the radio a lot though! Just a popular music station that plays all the latest hits

---

4. Last movie: I can't believe this is legit going to be Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings lmaoooo - it's a comfort film and I needed some cheering up after a long hard day at work last week, so I booted up disney plus and on it went. Literally the lowest stakes you can imagine, just lots of pretty visuals, sparkly wings, fairies, upbeat pop songs and a happy ending. ultimate comfort film.

---

5. currently reading: soooooo much fanfiction. so. much. fanfiction. a shameful amount of fanfiction. but it's sooooooo good.

Destiel has the most fics on AO3 guys. there is so much to choose from. it's glorious. if you can think of ANY trope you enjoy there will be pages of fics for it. I am so spoilt for choice and I'm having so much fun with it

---

6. currently watching: *looks at the screen like I'm in The Office*

SUPERNATU*gunshot noises*

---

7. currently consuming: nothing right now but I'm hungry and I'm going to make some dinner soon. I've been snacking on a lot of the chocolate I got for christmas recently ahaaaa

---

8. currently craving: a hug. which is bizarre because I would describe myself as not-a-huggy-person but I had a dream that I hugged someone the other night and I woke up like. I WANT A HUG. but like. not just a hug. I want a HUG. rib crushingly tight with an even tighter squeeze thrown in there. chins over shoulders. noses in necks. closed eyes. breathe deep. step apart but still holding on. That's a HUG. that's what I want.

Universe - get on that please.

---

here's the Tagging part, but I'm not sure I want to tag anyone at the moment - so this is a ~free tag~ to anyone reading this that just wants to answer some fun questions! yes, you there!

[cloudy-leonhart]

Oooo would you want to do a drabble for Porco?? Like maybe he's the reader's bff and one day he's next to her, going over like mission plans and he just leans over and kisses her👀

I like this!! This is cute!! I need to write more for Porco anyways ^^ I’m excited to write this!! tbh I didn’t even mean to go into an angsty argument in this fic- it just happened outta nowhere- I still hope it’s up to your satisfaction anon!

breaking point. | porco g.

summary: Porco always stuck to you like superglue. You and him have always been like two peas in a pod ever since you were kids, you even enlisted with him to the military. With growing up and going through puberty, Porco’s thought of you as someone more than just a friend and he wants to show you.

Pairings: Porco x Reader.

Theme: fluff/angst ig?.

female reader.

TW: swearing, arguing, kiss-kiss scene lol.

Recommended Song: Sunflower. - Rex Orange County.

"Good morning, guys, Porco!" You chirpped, seeing him give you a small wave as you entered the meeting room, you saw Reiner, Pieck and Zeke sitting in their seats, Reiner was deep in thought, Pieck was taking a nap on the couch, and Zeke was taking a drag of his cigar as usual.

You excused yourself as you squeezed by Reiner to sit beside Porco who greeted you wth a small head pat as he leaned back into his seat, Pieck rose from her spot as she smiled lazily at you.

"I was thinking of eating out together today, how about it, guys?" She asked as she yawned, Zeke hummed and shook his head, "I've got business, rain check?" Pieck nodded and glanced at Reiner, awaiting his answer.

"I guess I can go." Reiner responded, he looked in a daze, like he just woke up from a nap. Pieck's gaze turned to Porco and you, but before any of you could answer, the General entered the room, catching all of your attention. "Sorry Pieck, Porco and Reader will be helping with planning a mission." You could see Pieck deflate a bit, sighing but still nodding, understanding.

“Sorry Pieck, promise we’ll make it up to you, right Pock?” You looked over to Porco, who was scratching his head in boredom, nodding subconsciously. General Magath looked around the room before closing the door and starting their meeting for the day.

“I’ll be heading out you two, we need those plans before this weekend, so please get it done, choose who’ll be sent out soon or we’ll have to send all of you out.” General Magath reminded you and Porco once again as both of you nodded and said your goodbyes, you looked out of the window of the room, raising your hand to measure the time of day.

“What are you doing?” Porco suddenly chirped, you jumped looking behind you, “Checking the time.” You answered returning back to look at the sunset, “how do you know?” Porco prodded more. “Reiner taught me, when we uh..went to Paradis.” You mumbled, your voice starting sound small as you continued.

“He taught you? I probably could’ve done better.” Porco scoffed. He looked over the map of next week’s mission again to try and distract himself from talking about Reiner. “Don’t start with that again, Pock. He’s a helpful person.” You wanted to defend Reiner, you knew that he did a lot of things wrong, although most of it is unforgivable, you’re not a saint either.

“Helpful my ass, all he did was stand there while my brother was being eaten by a Titan.” He growled kicking the table in annoyance and anger. “I, couldn’t do anything either. I’m as much to blame as he is, Pock..” you reasoned with Porco, he rolled his eyes. “yeah, but how could you help, Reiner held you back, he basically said that he was a lost cause. Don’t try to defend him any longer.” You spun around to face Porco.

“Pock, enough!” You wanted to stop the conversation from progressing, but Porco didn’t. “No! You used to be so happy when we were kids, Reader!” You stayed silent, Porco took your silence as a sign to keep going. “Going to Paradis did something to you and none of you won’t tell me. That Ymir girl barely has any memories that could tell me shit about why you’re like this!” He cried out.

You sighed out of stress, he was pushing it and you weren’t ready to talk about it. Both you and Porco stood silent in the room, seconds feeling like minutes. You didn’t know what to say, what could you say? what’ll he take as a valid reason as to why you aren’t the same girl he used to know?

You looked at his reflection from the window, your hands clenched out of stubbornness and guilt, before turning around to face your best friend. You couldn’t even get a breath in when you felt soft lips on yours.

Your eyes were blown wide, Porco’s hands held your cheeks, almost squishing it. He was holding it as if you would pull away the second he loosens his grip. You felt yourself stiff in a few seconds in before relaxing, your eyes fluttered close as you reached your arm to wrap around his neck. Porco took this as an okay to hold you by the hips, his hands pulled you closer as you slower broke apart.

You took a breath as soon as his lips left yours, feeling like you were cloud nine after that kiss. Porco looked at you with a flushed expression, his hands gripped you embarrassingly. “I..” Porco didn’t know what to say, “I didn’t mean to do that, well I did- but-“ He jumbled his words as he looked at anything but your eyes, which stared at him with a joyous tint.

“It’s okay, Pock. I understand what you meant.” You smiled softly, still holding onto his figure. He thought his face couldn’t get any warmer as he stopped functioning. You could understand, both of you never really had time for love. Especially now, you and him barely have any time left.

“I just didn’t know what to do, I thought I was losing you. The real you.” Porco sighed as he put his forehead against yours, your noses almost touching. It felt ticklish, his staggered breath fanning your skin, he was gonna cry.

“I know, I’m sorry I made you feel like that, Pock. I promise I’ll tell you when I’m ready. You’ll wait, won’t you?” You mumbled, your hand reaching his cheek to cradle it ever so gently. He nodded, understanding as he placed a sneaky cheek kiss before a booming voice pulled you both away.

“Finally! I thought you guys would never tell each other!” Zeke rejoiced as Pieck and Reiner stood with happy smiles and even a little clapping. Porco stood dumbfounded before his face morphed into embarrassment and horror. “you watched us?! How much did you idiots see?! I’m going to literally destroy you guys-“ Zeke laughed as Porco was a flustered mess.

“We saw almost the whole thing bud. We heard arguing and thought you guys were absolutely wrecking the place, fighting and all.” Pieck’s gentle explanation calmed Porco a little bit before you started laughing. “I told you it would work.” Zeke nudged Reiner with his arm as the blonde rubbed his arm, “I wasn’t even apart of this..” Reiner mumbled.

You smiled as Porco continued to scold, at least try to scold Zeke and Pieck. The odds of Porco liking you? Who would’ve thought. “Alright, enough scolding and teasing, now who wants to go eat out? Im starving!” You pushed through your friends and your maybe potential boyfriend.

“Oh! I get to pick where we eat!” Pieck called out, latching her arm as Porco walked beside you. You looked over to him as he glanced at you, with a small smile of course. You took hold of his hand as you both continued to walk, Zeke and Reiner followed right behind.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.