#i literally could not care fucking less of a depressed person wants to say they have crippling depression

[earthandsunandmoon]

brain is overrated let me be a sea sponge 👎👎👎

[coursecourses]

while i know the cripplepunk movement started with the best of intentions, now literally the only thing that gets recommended to me from the tag is “physically” disabled being ableist towards “mentally” disabled people

the line between physical and mental disability is so much fucking thinner than you think. even what you think of as the most “basic” mental disorders have physical symptoms. what’s the difference, to our oppressors, between someone who’s hands won’t stop shaking because of anxiety vs tremors? between someone who can’t get out of bed because of cfs vs depression? between me, who can’t walk right because of my joint problems, and my cousin, who can’t walk rught because their autism makes them walk pigeon toed? why do i have more of a right to call myself a cripple when they’ve been called it their entire life? and they’ve definitely been called it more than i have!

this idea that mentally disabled people cannot possibly know what it’s like to be physically affected by their disability is ridiculous. the idea that physically and mentally disabled people are so separate that they cannot possibly relate to each other is just factually untrue. i have more in common with someone bedridden because of depression than i do with someone who is blind. i don’t know what it’s like to be blind!

when someone with a mental disability tries to speak over someone with a physical disability, that fucking sucks. i’m not denying that. but the struggle there is not between “physical” and “mental” disabilities, it’s between two people with different disabilities who are unable to understand where the other’s coming from. that isn’t a divide between mental and physical. trust me, i have had so many physically disabled people in my life who have no fucking idea what it’s like to be bedridden. and again, i have no idea what it’s like to be visually impaired. i could not use my experience being physically disabled to understand someone with a completely different physical disability than me

this idea that the community needs to be divided into “physically” disabled people and “mentally” disabled people is fucking nonsense. it fucking sucks. and it’s basically impossible with how much overlap there is between mental and physical symptoms

if you do not support both physically AND mentally disabled people, you are not my ally. we’re all disabled, let’s get you some solidarity.

obligatory standpoint epistemology so people will actually listen to me: i am a bed ridden cripple who uses mobility aids and has chronic pain in basically all of my joints. id love to tell you specific disabilities but right now all they know is “autonomic failure”. i also have autism, dissociative identity disorder and ocd with psychotic features. hopefully that’s sufficiently disabled for you

[ffc1cb]

new art blog

the short version:

1. i made a new art blog: @cbge;

2. @ffc1cb will stay up as an archive.

the long version:

hi everyone. this announcement is somewhat late, since the blog in question has been up for a few months now, and i’ve already started posting art on it. the reason it took me so long to “reveal” it is because i’ve been trying to figure out whether a new blog is something i actually want, or if it's just me throwing darts at a board, trying to make myself feel better somehow.

i don’t know when precisely it all started, but ever since sometime last year i’ve been going through a hard time, both emotionally and creatively. i’m not sure whether being depressed is what made art harder, or art becoming harder is what made me depressed (a bit of both, i think), but lately, drawing has been a struggle. 

i’ve found myself having less and less energy for art, and this lack of energy resulted in poorer quality of drawings, which resulted in me feeling like i’m getting worse at it, despite my efforts. i knew i could make good art, art that i’m proud of - i’ve done so countless times before, - but somehow it felt like i just couldn’t anymore, like my hands forgot how to. nothing looked right. 

i’ve been trying to experiment. i’ve learned some new things, tried this and that - it was enlightening, to say the least, and even though i kind of liked how it looked, it made me feel a sense of displacement. i was at odds with myself, my art, and how i felt about it, when previously i was always in sync. i was making art, yes, and it looked nice, but it felt like it wasn’t mine.

i suppose part of it was also the growing lack of engagement, and i don’t mean likes and reblogs - i never particularly cared about those. they are all just numbers to me; dry and impersonal. what i’m talking about is actual, human interactions: personal thoughts in tags, asks, replies, etc. a conversation. 

i don’t mean to sound “old” or anything, but i remember when talking to artists online was more commonplace. my wife tells me it’s because the internet culture has changed over the years, that people have become more reclusive, less willing to be open with their thoughts, and she's probably right, but in my slump i find it hard to believe. somehow it feels like it’s my fault for being less “engaging”, for seeming unapproachable or perhaps intimidating. maybe it’s “just a skill issue”, maybe it’s because i have stopped churning out fanart for popular fandoms, maybe it’s because i refuse to torture myself emotionally by having an art account on twitter (i can’t fucking stand the place anymore; i still post nsfw art there, but only because it’s literally one of the only places on the internet that allows you to do so. i miss when you could post female presenting tits on tumblr).

i have always, ever since i started posting art on the internet back in 2012, done it for human connection. i wanted to talk to people, and have people talk to me. i wanted to inspire people with my art, and i wanted to bring them comfort. i wanted to elicit an emotional response, and have people tell me about it. it was one of the main reasons i drew in the first place; having lost that, i’ve been struggling to stay passionate about making art.

i miss being a small artist on the internet during the 2010s. i remember when i could make a post going, “hey everyone, how are you all doing today?” and it would not seem weird to people in the slightest. it is just me? does anyone else feel that way? am i too deep in my own head? the internet feels so unwelcoming nowadays, especially to artists. we are all just content machines; people scroll by our stuff, or maybe look at it for half a second and leave a like before scrolling away. i know it’s unfair to demand people’s attention, especially now when our lives are already so overwhelmed by everything - no one has the energy to pay closer attention; i myself am not immune to mindless scrolling. but it feels bad. i wish we were all sincere and enthusiastic again.

anyway (sorry for rambling. i hope i haven’t bored you to death), you might want to say, okay, but how is making a new art blog on a “dying” social platform going to help with any of that? the truth is, i don’t know. i just felt like i needed a change. 

i’ve been running this blog since 2016 (that’s almost 8 full years!). i feel incredibly attached to it, but at the same time, i feel it weighing me down. 

there are people who followed me years ago for one specific thing, still expecting me to post about said thing (i still find it mindboggling that some people follow artists for a specific fandom only, but that is a whole other matter for a whole other post that i will never write). a third, if not half, of my following are probably dead blogs. and with my current struggle with trying to regain the joy i once felt for making art, looking back at all the art i’ve done over the years makes me feel tired. i still love it all; it’s all very dear to me. i’m proud of it; looking at it makes me mourn my younger and more passionate self.

so i’ve decided to make a new blog, where i will let myself post whatever i want, in whatever stage of donness i feel like. maybe it will help me, somehow. maybe it won’t. but if you care about my art, if you want to keep following me on my artistic journey, i welcome you to join me there. similarly, feel free not to - no hard feelings.

thank you everyone for your support over the years; it matters a lot to me. i’m not planning to delete or private this blog; it will stay up, and i will still be reachable on here. i will still answer asks, if there will be any. i’m just not planning to post any art here anymore. this is it for my dear old friend ffc1cb.

i can be found in other places:

@cbge, as mentioned earlier,

@k0nstanta, an art blog dedicated solely to my wife and i’s ocs,

@inquisimail, a dragon age ask blog that has become my dragon age sideblog in general,

and multiple other blogs, none of which are art related, but feel free to ask, if you’re curious.

thank you very much for reading all of this. i hope you have a wonderful day.

[nymph-ette111]

pls write Simon henriksson headcanons I’m gnawing at the walls of my enclosure 👩‍🦲

WARNINGS; SUBSTANCE ABUSE (SMOKING/DRUGS) MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS (DEPRESSION/ANXIETY) MENTIONS OF INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY, UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS (SELF-HARM)

AUTHOR'S NOTE; FIRST CRY OF FEAR REQUEST LET'S FUCKING GOOOO !1!1!1!1!1!!1!! kind of short, still new to the fandom so my headcanons of the characters might change overtime.

-it was confirmed that Simon is a fan of heavy metal and DSBM :3 personally I am not an avid listener of this genre, I think it's pretty cool. I'd like to headcanon specific bands that I think are suiting for Simon but I barely know anything so I don't really have a say on this.

-probably has some sort of internalized misogyny. he grew up all alone, his mother being quite overprotective didn't help with that at all and seeing no mentions of his father in the game makes me think his parents were divorced quite early in Simon's life. being exposed to such settings at a young age might have messed with his perception of love and healthy romantic relationships. despite that, he doesn't care much about gender norms now that he's older. left that mindset long ago.

-picked up on his coping mechanisms in his early teens. he was a bit scared at first of trying something like self-harm, it took him him a lot of time and internal conflict but then decided to just fuck it, he had nothing to lose. felt guilty at first, dropped it for a bit and then picked up on it again. he knows it isn't a healthy way to deal and cope with his negative thoughts but he couldn't care less at that point.

-isn't unfamiliar with drugs but not that crazy about it. not as much as cigarettes, although he does it occasionally, he could still smoke like a pack in one sitting if the situation really called for it. usually just sticks to 2-3 cigs, thinks it's a good enough amount.

^ can you tell I have no idea what I'm talking about.

-you'll never get that crusty ass grey hoodie of his off of him. it's like a cartoon where the character's never change outfit throughout the entire show. besides the fact that it's a literal video game, even in his daily life he almost never switches things up. not necessarily dirty, just worn out and stained with stuff that doesn't want to come off no matter how many times he washes it.

-has a mini fridge full of energy drinks in his room. and by full I mean like two cans because the rest have been consumed and thrown somewhere onto the ground.

-cannot save money for the life of him. as soon as he gets his hands on some cash, it's immediately spent on either a pack of cigarettes or some useless shit. he doesn't even remember what he spends it on, it's just gone.

-hadn't picked up his camera in quite a while, he's slowly loosing grip on his interests. not necessarily because he is starting to dislike them, just doesn't have the motivation.

-but it's usually full of recordings of him on the train, lonely streets of Stockholm or some stray cat that has grown a liking to Simon for some odd reason.

-one time Sophie took his camera without telling him and recorded a small video of herself, just doing something simple like a peace sign or showing off a little doodle she drew in her notebook. despite trying his best to move on, he watches that video from time to time.

[hello-nichya-here]

Yes, Buffy loved Spike

The way people act like that was in anyway left up to discussion by the show is legit hilarious/infuriating.

James Marsters (Spike) has said in an interview that, when Joss Whedon let him know that Spike was gonna fall in love with Buffy in season five, he had assumed it would one-sided - only for Whedon to correct him with a "Oh no, she's gonna fall in love with you too."

And the show wasn't shy about it either. Through seasons six and seven, we are shown Buffy repeatedly denying that she loves Spike - and then immediatelly contradicting herself either through actions or her own words (and even in season five she had already kissed him once after he did not give away her sister's identiy to Glory even after being tortured).

After Buffy comes back from the dead - from heaven - and is dragged to the literal hellmouth, having to crawl out of her grave, she sees the Buffy-bot being torn from limb by a bunch of demons. Naturally, this fucks with her head a bit. She manages to save her friends, but she is still very shaken, and looking like she's not really fully back to her senses as her sister is speaking to her. It really does look like something is very wrong and that she is not at all the same girl we once knew.

Then she hears Spike's voice and goes to see him. Only when she sees HIM, when HE starts trying to talk to her, when HE is the one taking care of her, does she start to properly respond. And, of course, out of all the people there - all of whom are worried about her and that she supposedly trusts way more than she trusts this "fully evil" vampire - Spike is the one to whom she reveals what actually happened to her.

During the musical episode, we see her sing "I touch the fire and it freezes me, I look into it and it's black. Why can't I feel? My skin should crack and peal - I want the fire back" confirming to us that her depression after being taken from heaven was not just a temporary consequence of the shock of it all, and has left her completely disconnected from the people she loved, and from life itself, and that she does not know if it can ever be fixed.

But at the end of the episode, after Spike stops her from basically commiting suicide (because remember, he stopped BUFFY. not the bad guy) she sings to Spike "This isn't real, but I just wanna feel" right before they kiss. And Spike's own song says "I died so many years ago. You can make me feel like it isn't so."

It is very clear that what convinced Buffy to keep on living wasn't just because Spike loved her - she already knew that, and she also her friends and this has not done anything to make her less depressed. What makes her not give up is realizing that SHE can still connect to others, SHE still can have feelings for someone. Only it is with her former mortal enemy instead of her friends and family (she had even said in an earlier episode that he was the only person she could stand to be around) and the kiss makes it obvious that this new bond she has with Spike is NOT platonic.

And the following episode when she tries to pretend it means nothing? It has her acting all flirty with Spike while they're both dealing with the amnesia spell, and once their memories return the episode ends with her kissing him AGAIN.

And during ALL of the episodes she's claming she is totally disgusted by him? She's having sex with him all the time. And when Tara finds out about it, Buffy does admit she's using him, but she refuses to give an answer when Tara asks "Do you love him?"

When Spike brings a date to Xander's wedding , Buffy KNOWS is just to get her jealous and Spike even admits to it - and she admits that, even knowing all of that, it DOES bother her. She is unbelievably distraught after finding out he slept with Anya, and even says to his face "I have feelings for you, I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for that" showing us that the thing stopping Buffy from truly giving Spike a chance is, understandably, the "You're a literal souless creature that needs to feed on people to survive" factor, not because their connection is not genuine or strong enough, or because of her past with Angel.

Not to mention, it makes perfect sense that, during the season she was clearly suicidal, she falls in love with the character that is representing the possibility of her death - their first time even happens after Spike reveals that, for some reason, the chip no longer causes him pain when he attacks her, and thus he actually poses a threat to her again.

Unhealthy? Absolutely. Scary? Fuck yes. Does she get over her "feelings that are totally not love" in the season finale, when she's crawling "out of her grave" again, this time triumphantly, in the sunlight, all brave and finally letting go of her self loathing? NOPE!

In season seven, when she's finally about to go out with a man that is not and has never been evil, her friends are all obviously wondering if this is a sign that she is over Spike - of if she's just pretending to. Buffy's response? THE biggest Freudian Slip she's ever had in the series.

"Why does everyone in this house think that I'm still in love with Spike?"

STILL!

Still. In. Love.

Not "Why is everyone convinced that I fell in love with Spike? I told you guys I liked him, but didn't love him" but "Why do you guys think I'm not over those totally vague, definitively not deep 'feelings' I had and that were 100% not just a code for 'Yes, I am in love with him, but I'm scared it will blow up in my face'?"

And how does that date with that Not Evil guy, that was revealed to be the son of Slayer, go? Pretty well! It looks like this romance might actually have a chance of going somewhere.

At least until she goes "Look, I know Spike killed your mom when he was souless and all, but if you try to go after him to get revenge again, he will murder you, and I will let him." She also turns her back on her watcher, and father figure, when she finds out he was in on the plan to kill this vampire that is Totally-Not-Her-Boyfriend.

The episode even has Giles directly compare her codependent bond with Spike to what she had with Angel - which again, included her letting Angelus get away and kill people. Sure, Spike has a soul now, he let the dude live to tell the tale since killing his mom WAS an awful thing to do, and if he was attacked again and killed him it would be self-defense - but it's impossible not to notice the very clear "Buffy is protecting her man" tone of it all.

Not to mention, before that, Spike offers to leave Sunnydale since Buffy's potential new boyfriend clearly can help her find demons and thus she no longer needs him around - and she full on says that SHE IS NOT READY FOR HIM NOT TO BE THERE.

Then, of course, there's "Touched." The episode in which EVERYONE is going "We might die tomorrow, lets fuck to cope", and not only is Buffy clearly touched (Get it? Get it?) by Spike's speech about how much he loves her, she asks him to get in bed with her and hold her. And even though they are not having sex, the scenes of them cuddling are being framed as being just as intimate and romantic as the scenes of everyone else making love to their partners. Again, we had Giles full on state the obvious to Buffy: she and Spike might not be sleeping together anymore, but they are VERY clearly acting like they're still in a relationship, even if both are now hesitant to give it a try after literally everything went wrong for them.

The following day, Spike says that it was the happiest night of his life, and when he starts saying that he knows it obviously didn't mean as much for Buffy as it did to him, she corrects him and says it absolutely did. Spike even goes as far as trying to confirm it AGAIN by asking "Were you there with me?" to which Buffy says "I was", which is HUGE considering she had just admited to him the previous night that she had always cut herself off from everyone - Spike VERY much included - due to being the slayer.

"Oh, but what about the Bangel kiss in the finale?"

The one Joss Whedon explicitly refered to as "the show's way of servicing the Bangel fans" aka FANSERVICE? The one that came right out of nowhere as the signature of Bangel's "romantic chemistry" is angsty pining? The one that didn't hold a candle to one of the few Bangel scenes I say absolutely worked, aka the kiss after Angel comes back to Sunnydale to help Buffy deal with her grief over her mother and that only happened after they had spend HOURS together because, surprise surprise, it doesn't matter if they still have feelings for each other, they have NEVER had this dynamic of exes that just casually make out with each other the second they are in the same room together?

The one that happens right before Buffy says "Sorry, you won't be the vampire champion that will save the world, I'm chosing Spike for that role"? The one that is followed by an obviously jealous Angel making it very clear to Buffy that he is bitter she's "brushing him off for captain peroxide"? And then she asks if he'll react that way everytime she gets a BOYFRIEND?

When Angel points out that, again, she just let slip how she actually feels about Spike, Buffy has to deny it because Joss Whedon thought the ONLY way to make sure viewers didn't miss that Buffy is totally an independent woman that don't need no man was to tease both the possibility of a Bangel AND a Spuffy endgame just to go "Sorry, Buffy is gonna choose to be single."

HOWEVER, even the way she does that has changed significantly, as she says "He is not my boyfriend, but he is in my heart." Notice how, unlike all the previous times, Buffy is not trying to diminish what she has with Spike.

She went from "I slept with Spike/said I feelings for him BUT this totally means nothing and I could NEVER love him because he doesn't have a soul like Angel did" to "Look, Angel, I swear that Spike is totally not my boyfriend BUT I will treat him like he is because I absolutely do have feelings for him. Could you pretty, pretty please go back to L.A. now that the fanservice moment is over? I'll even end it with a 'sometimes I totally think of what could happen between us someday' so we can pretend our romance has not been officially pronounced 'impossible to ever be endgame' since season three of my show and season one of your show?"

And where does she immediatelly go to after this? To see Spike. Because she wants another night of cuddling with him. Then The First shows up in the middle of the night to torment her, he explicitly refers to Spike as Buffy's vampire LOVER.

Finally, the final battle is happening, and Spike is about to die saving the world, and Buffy, with tears in her eyes finally says that she loves him. Whedon had even said to Sarah "Be proud of him. Love him when saying it." We even see literal flames as they are holding hands - an obvious nod to the musical, with the "I want the fire (feeling) back", and Whedon basically confirmed it by saying it was a very deliberate choice to symbolize the feelings the characters have for each other. It is the visual representation of Buffy FINALLY accepting that she truly does love Spike.

"Oh, but he responds 'No, you don't, but thanks for saying it' implying Buffy was only trying to make sure he would die happy!"

Did you guys forget EVERYTHING ELSE I just mentioned in this post? Or the fact, at that point, Spike is still processing the guilt of all the monstruous things he did as a vampire now that he has a soul again? Did you forget him literally asking Buffy to kill him for what he did and telling her that the soul did not suddenly make him good - only for HER to be the one to say he fought back against the monster inside of him and that she believes in him?

Again, James Marsters gave us his insight on what he felt Spike meant by that line and how he played it: Spike was saying that Buffy COULDN'T love him. Not yet. Because he didn't feel he deserved it yet. It was not the right time for them. Yet.

"Oh, but in the late seasons of Angel, when Spike is brought back to life, he is told that Buffy never truly loved him!" Yeah, he is told that - BY ANGEL! In what world would he, Buffy's ex that has had problems with Spike since long before Buffy was even born and that had already admited that having her pick Spike over him "did not bring out the champion in him", not be extremely biased?

"But you're forgetting the Buffy comics in which she is basically told Angel is her soulmate and sleeps with him during some magical fuckery that made her go mad with power!"

Yeah, and in those same comics, even though it took forever and Whedon just HAS to force the "Buffy ends the story chosing to be single because she can either be a strong female character OR be in a happy relationship" AGAIN, she and Spike became a couple after all of that, with her explicitly telling him WHAT SHE HAD WITH ANGEL IS IN THE PAST, and the ending even suggests is only a matter of time before she and Spike get back together again, this time for good.

Claiming that it was up for debate if Buffy ever truly loved Spike is as ridiculous as if I said "I know we are both shown and told many times that Angel and Buffy slept together in season two, but I actually think it's up for the debate if they truly did" NO, IT ISN'T!

We are shown how Buffy's feelings for Spike grow over time, how her dynamic with him changes, how she is actively choosing him over everybody else after he gets his soul, and both the character and the people involved in making the show EXPLICITLY SAY she loves him.

You can dislike it, but don't expect everyone else to cover their ears and close their eyes to pretend it wasn't clear that Spike's love for Buffy has not been one-sided for a VERY long time.

[bobbin-buckley]

Vada Cavell Headcanons

Vada Cavell x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of school shooting, mentions of smoking & getting drunk, smut, fluff, mentions of anxiety and depression, some angst,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SFW (Some Angst)

-You & Vada we’re dating for about 3 months before the shooting happened. Then slowly drifted away after it.

-I wouldn’t perhaps say you broke up, Vada just was keeping herself away from you and everyone else, well, almost everyone else

-Nick told you Vada was hanging out with Mia Reed, this made you feel a lot of different things; confusion, anger, sadness and jealousy you wanted, no you NEEDED to ask her why she was all of a sudden hanging out with this Mia girl

-You felt as if she was cheating on you, maybe? You stormed into her room one day and started rambling about how she just started ghosting you and smoking with the blonde girl

-Vada did feel bad, infact she did regret everything after realizing how upset you were. That’s when you found Vada in your arms again

-She did start to invite you over at Mia’s house, you didn’t like the idea but accepted when Vada have you those puppy eyes

-Helping each other through all this depression and pain, venting

-Vada is a pretty affectionate person if you are really close

-She definitely has acts of service as her love language, she’ll buy you stuff (if she isn’t broke), take care of you, take you out somewhere etc

-Movie nights with make-out sessions throughout the film

-Shed love your pet(s) if you have any, (she totally seems like a dog person)

-Being besties with her little sister Amelia, she loves you sm, you both love to tease Vada, prank her and hangout together w/ Vada

-Finds it weird her family adores you

-When your alone together there can be three different moods; fluffy, sweet, soft, silly cuddly or hot, horny, lust & flirty, or sad, fluff, upset, depressed but you cope together by cuddling and talking

-Always being side by side, Vada craves your touch or needs to touch you. Wanting to cuddle but if she can’t she’ll hold your hand, pinkies intertwined under a table or knee to knee and head in shoulder

-You find it hilarious when Vada gets cranky and throws a fit. She smacks you when you laugh

“I’m dating a literal four year old”

“Then that would be fucked up also, nuh-uh!”

-Loves to make dirty jokes just to see you hot & bothered

-Can be a pretty flirty person

-Going off to college together

-Doing pretty much everything together

NSFW

-There is never a time you and Vada will have serious sex

-This girl is full of humor, she’ll make all kinds of jokes when intimate

“Dude! You have huge tits.”

“Vada-”

“There like literal melons”

-Preferring Vanilla sex most of the time

-making love to each other makes you both feel alive again

-I could see her as a switch

-Skin to skin the entire time

-Secretly loves your boobs

-Probably doesn’t shave much down there cause she’s scared she’ll hurt herself, you don’t mind though and you offer to help her

-Making sure her family isn’t home and won’t be home till late when having sex at her house

-She looooves shower sex

-One time Vada had gotten you something as a gift….it was a strap-on

“Vada where the hell did you get that? You’re broke.”

“Nick bought it for me.”

“😦”

-Loves to use the strap-on on you, claims she wants to “breed” you even though she can’t (you think it’s hot though-)

-Took her a while to understand how to please someone but it’s okay

-Makes you suck on her strap

-Always wanting to take off your clothes for you

-I’d say for her first time (in this she doesn’t fuck Mia) she was pretty good

-You guys could go in for hours if her parents weren’t home so often

-Almost getting caught

-Attempting to have sex in the school bathrooms to make her less scared

-High sex

-Quite the begger

-Anytime you have sex it’s always soft and at a good pace (unless you have 10 minutes before her mom gets home)

You’ve got Vada wrapped around your finger that’s for sure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heyyy

This seemed quick to write I hope it’s alright

Cairo will be next since you guys tied Vada & Cairo (You sillies)

[skinnypaleangryperson]

This scene is so intense-I can really feel the tension with what Prime is saying, the emotional climax of the devastation of the fact that this is all that Rick can do, and it's basically everything that has ever been between the both of them and their beliefs coming together. On the surface, it looks like Rick is finally winning, and he's getting what he wants, and Prime is the one that is getting himself ended because of what he did and what he believed.

But I think Prime is going down with this shit eating smile on his face because he knows that Rick can literally never get what he wanted and he's in profound psychological torment possibly for the rest of his life. What Rick was ended up with, not just after he kills Prime, but all these years before, is inherently a sign of that Rick lost and that Prime won, at least in terms of his spite that he has to Rick that he didn't choose power over family.

He satisfied, because he knows that he stowed Rick permanently away in a disorienting, devastating confusion of an incredibly unwanted compromise that someone less enduring of spirit would not be able to live with especially daily- away in the absolute worst position that he could be with his heart and what he wanted in life, which was literally just to be a husband and to be with his original family. Prime has an incredibly devastating hook over Rick; which is basically that Rick has no option but to take Prime's family, the version of himself that he absolutely detests the most, and has to pretend like it's a decent life to replace the one that he would have had with his original family. It's inherently devastating and insulting beyond belief for him to have to settle for the family of the man that he can't stand, that took away everything from his own self, almost like being forced to take whatever crumbs that he can get that's left over from Prime's maliciousness that didn't care about his family because he had his own taken away. it must be such a harrowing, empty feeling, to know that Rick does love the family that he settled for but also have this knowing in the back of his head and that he is under Prime's foot for the rest of his life, even long after Prime is dead, and that is the permanent power that he has over him, for as long as Rick wants anything that even remotely resembles a family life.

I think the worst part about the fact is that Rick knows this, or he seems to certainly at least feel it, and no amount of technical physical power is going to change that battle that he has to win inside himself, if they're even is any way to win a grief like that.

By the time he gets back to his family, I feel like it's this harrowing and devastatingly confusing combination of emotion that is his own personal hell. It's a confusing degree between wanting to love this family that he's already built an entire life of out of the past couple of years, maybe a decade at this point, knowing that to some degree that he does love them and he does care about them with this sickly version of what should have been the profound and sweet version and of the simple version that he would have given his own family-while at the have the same time having this profoundly lonely secret devastation that he has to carry around that he can't express anywhere that everything that Prime said was correct; that this isn't his family, that he has to learn how to live with that every minute of every day, that he still doesn't have his wife, his original family, and there's probably some infuriating disorienting devastation and anger, but more than that, depression, towards the family that he is with and that is muddled with the fondness that he's forced himself to find with them because even that would be better than the other contrast of having no family at all, which he was forced to be left with initially.

So he eats, he plays, he sits, he has conversations, but it fucking hurts every day, and it might never not hurt again.

[lovingdabeessss]

CAN WE- *trips and falls over literally everything* CAN WE PLEASE

Talk about just how much Yang LOVES Blake

Yang loves this girl SO MUCH she made sure she ate she made sure she relaxed and rested and was feeling ok and was sleeping regularly yangs such a caring person she would’ve done a lot of this just cause they were teammates but she FELL for her and she fell so hard and All she wanted to do with those feelings was to do nice things for Blake with the only thing in return of just being around her

And then Ad*m comes in and fucks with Blake’s head and cuts off her favorite persons arm and Blake leaves Yang in a way she KNOWS Yang will be upset about that she purposely did so Yang would h a t e she says she wants her to hate her because of self destruction and self worth issues trying to punish herself and you know what??? After all that work to get Yang to be angry with her she’s NOT

girl spent two seasons trying to turn her crippling depression about Blake leaving into anger AND FAILED Blake left her after she LoST AN ARM in an attempt to save Blake (not Blake’s fault I love u) and she fully left immediately after with no explanation no note nothing thinking she doesn’t matter to Blake that Blake doesn’t care about her at all and Yang can’t find it anywhere within her to be really truly mad at all she makes eye contact with Blake when they reunite and yangs eyes are just only full of love and surprise

Have y’all- LISTENED TO ALL THAT MATTERS??? I’m im crying I’m crying just thinking about it I AAAAA

ITS JUST A SONG ABOUT HOW BLAKE COULD DO LITERALLY ANYTHING TO HER AND SHED STILL LOVE HER AND SHES SO UPSET ABOUT IT

SHE KNOWS BLAKE IS GOING TO HURT HER AGAIN BUT SHES SO DESPERATE TO JUST BE N E A R HER THAT SHE LETS HER IN SO QUICKLY

andANDAND AND yangs very touchy-feely right? She gives a bunch of hugs and stuff?? Maybe but she like historicity NEVER lets anyone touch her really no one can touch her on her bike not even Neptune in jr’s club she hit anyone who tried to touch her that weird bandit that worked for raven couldn’t she sent him out the door bouncing

But whenever Blake touches Yang like initiates the touch her eyes are immediately like 🥺🥺🥺🥺 like she’s so SOFT it doesn’t matter the situation the barn when fighting Adam whatever she just she MELTSSS on the spot instantly even just EYE CONTACT kills her on sight locking eyes with blake belladonna brings this girl down so quickly she’d do anything she said

Blake says she’s not stoked about arresting Robyn?? You wanna commit a war crime and tell her everything because we can do that if it makes you feel even a tiny itty bit better I love you so much

She cares so much about what Blake thinks of her that when atlas is fully going to hell she goes “you think she thinks less of me🥺🥺🥺” SHES SO WORRIED ABOUT IT she just wants Blake to like her she loves her so much she’s so worried what Blake’s gonna think of her

She’s SO SHOCKED AND NERVOUS AND HESITANT AND SOFT DURING THE CONFESSION I LOVE HER SHE NEVER EVEN THOUGHT IT WAS AN ACTUAL POSSIBILITY THAT BLAKE MIGHT LIKE HER BACK A N D WANT TO BE WITH HER

It’s so late it’s now morning im so sorry rwby fandom if my words make no sense

[beevean]

You know I actually think that Lisa flat out forgetting the fact that she had begged Dracula not to commit genocide, just so that she and him can have their happy ending, is actually far more problematic than any case of fridging from the games

Of course fridging a female character just to further a male character's story is absolutely wrong, but N!Lisa's very personality and character motivation for even loving Dracula in the first place (ie:the fact that he still had some good in him and the possibility for him to learn to coexist peacefully with humans) got completely flipped over their head just so that her husband could get an (undeserved) happy ending

The former sacrifices the character's life, the latter destroys their literal character

It essentially treats Lisa as Dracula's "reward" for...doing all the fucked up things that he did. It's an actual, textual example of objectifying a female character

I noticed some time ago that the show doesn't really judge Dracula's action morally, only logically.

Even the most Alucard can say is that it's a shame that his father won't use his genius and knowledge for good because the CHURCH BAD has pushed him to do evil, or that his victory would lead to an empty world. He never points out how utterly disrespectful Dracula is being to his wife's (Alucard's mother) memory: she wanted to help mankind, she (allegedly) cared about mankind, and he's honoring her by exterminating her own species that she wanted to help and heal. That is fucked up, and it shows that Dracula may have loved Lisa, but he did not respect her for who and what she was. But the story only beats you over the head with how stupid and shortsighted and self-destructive Dracula's mass slaughter is, eventually warping it to "ohhh he's just trying to kill himself the long way around 🥺 poor depressed little meow meow 🥺" yeah sure uhhhhh his demons ate babies and he was willing to let vampires starve to death as a price to literally kill everyone. If he only wanted to kill himself, nothing stopped him from stepping into the sun.

I also pointed out how Lisa shows no concern at all for her own son, not thinking about him in her last moments of her life, gleefully leaving him to his grief once she comes back to life (which is one of the parts in NFCV that personally insult me). Why? Because it's all about Dracula. In SoTN, Lisa talks to Alucard, she wants him to do the right thing, and only at the end she expresses her love for her husband - love, not "please stop my hubby from committing genocide because I know he will". Sure, painting Lisa as some sort of cross between Jesus and the Virgin Mary isn't exactly peak female representation because women are not inherently pure saints, but you know, it's still better than Lisa being written as the spineless wife of the Devil and a shitty deadbeat mother while still meant to be seen as this kindhearted person and Dracula's only morality chain!

I really, really am uncomfortable with how whitewashed Dracula is, and how this reflects on the other characters.

And yes, the end really is sick from this point of view. I keep bitching about Lenore and Isaac's "redemption arcs", because one is still the callous abuser she was in S3 behind all the "bonding" and the other woke up one day and decided to become a hero but more or less only to feel good about himself and his life. But Dracula... didn't even go through that. He didn't even pretend to change, or realize he was in the wrong. He died only lamenting that he was killing his boy! That was what broke him! He was horrified that he was about to kill "Lisa's greatest gift to him"! Which sure, it's a wholesome sentiment, but he didn't even have the time to think that maybe his plan was just fucked up from the start. And he gets a saccharine good ending on a silver platter? Lisa is just forgetting that she died with the fear that her husband would kill everyone in her name, screaming to please not hurt her because Dracula is worse than Satan?

It really feels like he was a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, and Lisa was the pacifier stuffed in his mouth to keep him calm. There, wife back, now stop being evil. Not because he had a change of heart, but because he got what he wanted.

That ending is objectively awful under so many aspects, from a characterization and lore standpoints, and I know it was shoved there only as a response to backlash to S3's bleakness. No thematic relevance whatsoever - Isaac's comment that Hector shouldn't bring Dracula back because he has earned his rest feels like the remains of a first draft in retrospect. It's just "yay everyone not named Hector lives happily ever after <3 only good feels all around <3"

[justme-1723]

Ep. 5 Ramblings (After watching it a second time)

- Protective Sand is so sexy. (This is important information and vital to the plot 🫣)

- The way Ray & Sand compliment each other is just *chefs kiss* (Sand is a natural caregiver and Ray wants/needs to be taken care of) Their sarcasm. The way they can banter back and forth. Sand knows when to tease him and Ray knows when to pout/give puppy eyes. Sand stands his ground and Ray gives in. Ugh, I could go on and on.

- Nick interrupting SandRay, but also leaving as quickly as possible because he ships it was king behavior.

- Ray eating his breakfast after Sand asks him to (even after he said he didn’t want it at first) was so 😩

- I’m not sure if anyone else noticed this… The face Ray made after Sand told him that he didn’t trust him with his life broke my fucking heart.

- Ray smiling after Sand helped him with his helmet (while Sand was facing away from him no less). You aren’t slick babe. We see those heart eyes 😻!

- The entire clothing store scene! Everything about it was perfect. That second outfit he chose for Ray was horrible and I wanted to rescue our sad meow meow.

- Mew is so fucking adorable. That’s it. That’s all I have to say.

- But seriously… Top seemed genuinely concerned for him and was also ready to destroy the person who almost ran Mew down. One point for Top.

- Nick & Boston were entirely too sweet the majority of the episode. I didn’t believe it, but I also couldn’t help loving it because Mark is just fucking precious.

- Nick changing his entire identity just to keep Boston interested was super depressing. It was also very realistic and relatable… I felt called out honestly.

- Summer. Sweet Summer. I just love that she backed off and didn’t make things awkward. I also found it interesting that Ray chose to tell Sand that he wasn’t flirting, just simply keeping her company. He then completely shifted his attention away from Summer once Sand returned and didn’t even notice that she left.

- I’ve said this before, but Ray looks so damn happy anytime he’s with Sand. He’s relaxed. He’s lighter. He smiles so big and bright. He just seems comfortable and free.

- The TopMew date was very interesting. Loads to unpack and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about it. Something about them is just… off. I think it’s supposed to be this way. Like… Top says I love you first and I was so shocked. I literally couldn’t process it lol. I honestly have no idea if he was sincere or not.

- Boston wasn’t a dick to Mew when he called for advice about sleeping with Top. Good for you babe.

- Nick is helping with their graduation project? Like… it’s nice of him, but what the fuck?

- I know most people will disagree, but Top didn’t look happy at all when he saw Nick & Ton together. At first glance, I thought he was jealous, but also disgusted? But after watching the episode again I’m conflicted.

- The entire scene with Sand’s mom was amazing. She’s sort of a mess and I feel like there is a lot more to this part of the story, but I loved her so much. I do think Sand has had to take care of her for a big portion of his life. He said himself they are more like friends which is good and they clearly talk about everything, but it makes sense that he’s someone who needs to be in control because his childhood was probably chaotic.

- Ray sang a love song to Sand for his birthday. Okay bestie.

- They opened up to each other about their parents 😭😭😭😭😭!!! This scene was my favorite of the episode. They really took a huge step forward here in terms of trust & communication. (this brings me back to them wearing the exact same shoes in episode one. They might be from different financial backgrounds, but they are more alike than they know. They’ve walked similar paths. Blah blah you know what I’m trying to say!)

- Nick, sweetheart, love of my life. You just had to drag Boston up the steps and into your apartment?! You couldn’t let him suffer alone just this once?

- Sand & Ray being total boyfriends in front of Nick & Boston was just everything I ever wanted. I truly thought Ray was going to freak out when he realized Ton saw them, but he didn’t give a flying fuck and continued to be his clingy self with Sand right in front of their salad.

- I hate you, Boston. I also want to hug you because I think you hate yourself.

- The bed scene with Sand & Ray was devastating. Ray tried so hard to reach out, but Sand couldn’t take his hand. He has so much baggage surrounding whatever happened with his ex and Top, that I’m sure he felt so fucking stupid for letting it happen again. Like great I love someone else who doesn’t love me back. I just wanted to wrap him up and protect him from the world. My heart broke for Ray too. He started the process of moving forward only to have his past thrown back in his face. You could tell how bad he felt for Sand and how desperately he wanted to fix things.

- That final Happy Birthday was so unnecessary and I expect an apology from Khaotung and Jojo because watching First (yes I said First not Sand) shed that single tear was too much from me to handle.

[gorgeousundertow]

for the hbowar ask game, a, f, i, l, o, v, w (unrelated to the ask game: xoxoxoxo)

a. okay he's not underrated because I think people definitely like him but here's the thing I would smash Patterson like a hammer

f. ranking the shows oh no i'm so sorry everyone but i did not like...

4. The Pacific. I'm just being honest right now. I liked certain parts and certain characters A LOT but it all felt too disjointed and there were too many through lines and it was (this sounds bad bc war and trauma and tragedy but hey I watch tv for entertainment) depressing. I didn't like a war show bc war is depressing, I know how ridiculous that sound.

3. Masters of the Air. Not anywhere near as depressing, but much more disjointed. I couldn't track or find a connection with most of the characters. It felt like too much telling and not enough showing about what I should care about and I want to seeeeee these things.

2. Generation Kill is probably my second-favorite, but I think about it all the time (and by all the time I really do literally mean all. the. time.) so I have to wonder if that's inaccurate? But you guys. It's so fucking good don't take this slight rank of #2 to mean anything besides it's so fucking good and I love it.

Band of Brothers, because it was my first love. Because winnix. Because gorgeous cinematography. Because Liebgott's jugular. Because "Doing fine, Bill, thanks for asking." Because Dick Winters shaving. Because Nixon's suspenders. Because F Company got lost again. Because Joe Toye's brass knuckles.

i. wheeee the fun one!

@ep6bastogne Babe. But not just sweet thoughtful funny Babe although yes that but also sobbing for Julian Babe devastated eyes meeting Gene's in Hagenau Babe.

@screwby Ray ur just Ray-Ray. A sweet chaotic gremlin of such a good and emotionally available friend who is also more down to talk dick than anybody I know.

@lamialamia You give me Snafu vibes but hear me out. It's not tossing rocks in brain puddles Snaf, but Peer Into My Eyes to Check for Disease But Also For the Flirt Snaf.

@blood-mocha-latte I don't know you as well but you started this whole thing and should get as much Being Perceived as you deserve for all that effort. You've got the Very Excited and Delighted attitude of Luz Talking Through The Movie, but also Snug as a Bug nurturing Luz. I'm not even saying this because of Luztoye week, this is just what I'm getting.

l. hbowar does seem a lot less hectic. I've never really participated in other fandoms, but I've lurked around the edges of Good Omens and BBC Sherlock and. well.

o. okay i'm bout to get slapped but. i don't really get luztoye. Obviously I was there for "Just give me a goddamn drink" and several other key scenes but...I don't know!!! Obviously the textual clues are there and they are not subtle, I just don't quite get how the two personalities mesh. Excited to read more fics until I do get it *hides*

v. snippet:

“Nate’s already made contact,” Ray argued. “Go on, homes, bring her a drink, make small talk, compliment her shoes. Whatever, dude. See what you can get out of her.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Brad said.

Nate frowned. “You don’t think she’d be interested?”

Brad looked over to where Lara stood sipping her wine and pretending she wasn’t watching Nate’s every move. “I didn’t say that.”

Ray barked out a laugh. “Dude, I was listening in. She wants your tongue in her mouth, like, yesterday.”

Nate grinned widely and turned to make his way back over to Lara. Brad thought it would probably feel really good to punch something. 

“You okay there, Big Gay Brad?”

“Shut up, Ray.”

“Don’t worry, he can’t hear us. This is a special private channel just for you and me. You know, you could just tell him. You could walk right up to him and say, ‘Nate, your soulful green eyes and air of heroic tragedy give me a hard on like I’m a thirteen-year-old boy watching his cousin bounce naked on a trampoline. I want to suck all your pain and suffering right out through your dickhole.’”

w. What hbowar url I should have instead of my Fully Unrelated and Inscrutable url is an excellent question! Problem is Lenora/@screwby already stole the best one.

[spicy-vent-central]

Also, the fact that "younger generations have no common sense or practical skills" is so fucking intentional. It is such a capitalist oppression thing, for literally every person.

TL;DR: PLEASE understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know?

For example in the US, people who became adults during the great depression (the great grandparents of Millennials/Gen Z), knew how to do a huge amount of practical, everyday things. They could farm, do household repairs, many of them had carpentry skills and automotive/equipment repair skills. They made many of their own clothes, grew and preserved most of their own food, etcetera. This meant they held little need for the larger capitalist system and had very little motivation to uphold it if it mistreated them. They did not have many material assets but they had valuable knowledge that made them more independent from capitalism.

Now look at Gen Z, we are becoming adults in a time in America where we have EVEN LESS purchasing power than our Great Depression counterparts. On top of that, factually, we have exponentially less individuals with this large variety of everyday skills. So for many of us, when our car breaks down, we have no knowledge on how to fix it and we own no assets. All we can do is sell our time in order to pay someone else to do it. When we are hungry, we have minimal access to land, many of us don't have the knowledge and skills to grow our own food, we have to sell our time in order to go to a grocery store so that we can eat. Unfortunately, we as a generation "need" capitalism for this because we do not have the skills to do these things on our own anymore.

Now the question is why don't we have these skills? Well, I've seen a couple schools of thought but I think both of them are at least partially incorrect.

1) Kids today just don't care about stuff like that and don't want to learn! Kids have never wanted to learn "boring" adult skills. Kids have and always will be kids, but as adults we appreciate these skills and understand the value of knowing them and passing them on to your kids (even if they find it boring). PLUS, many kids do have interest in these things if they're encouraged to give it a chance. I don't think this is truly the issue.

2) Boomers didn't care to teach us! They were lazy and now we are suffering!! They likely didn't believe these skills were necessary for young people anymore. From their perspective the economy had been flourishing for as long as they could remember, why believe that would change? I'm not saying the lack of foresight isn't detrimental, but the viewpoint can be explained. I don't think this is a notable part of the overall issue either.

These two schools of thought lead us as the working class to blame each other for the deficit. It divides us. I propose a third theory on the matter: these skills were systematically stomped out in younger generations to make us more reliant on capitalism. Through assorted methods:

- removal of hands-on classes from school through budget cutting, etc (wood shop, agriculture, home ec, automotive, etc) (PS: this is isn't a "bring back gender roles" take just because I included home ec in the list, every gender should learn home skills like cooking, mending and cleaning, as well as skills such as automotive and carpentry.)

- distraction via the promotion of unhealthy overconsumption of media (video game/TV/social media addiction) (PS: this is not a "technology bad" take, tech is fine but OVERconsumption of media is unhealthy and is even a problem in older generations now.)

- devaluation of these skills via the conflation of them with an archaic and backward social period (Yes, people in older generations were and largely still are racist, sexist, homophobic, and that's fucked. That doesn't mean growing and canning your own food or learning from peepaw how to fix a carburetor makes you any of those things.)

- the manufactured institution of lawns, "landscape" and HOA's preventing us from growing our own food at home on the land we DO have access to

- many others I don't feel like unpacking here as I'm already writing a novel in this post apparently, but you get my meaning

So I guess my point is that we need to unpack our feelings on this and understand that there's a really good chance that it's capitalism's fault that young people "have no common sense or practical skills" not your meemaws fault or your grandkids fault, y'know? As the working class we have to stop punching left and right and start punching up. Also, since I already hear "but boomers own all the stuff and bought their house for $5 in 1970!" (which is a valid sentiment) I share with you an important (paraphrased) quote I heard the other day:

"When the lord of the land commands the people to go out and work his lands in the sun, your enemy is not the man who is wearing a hat."

Other generations aren't the real enemy here y'all, it's the capitalist billionaires. Please see that.

[ohbo-ohno]

Once Reader had Ghoap’s trust to go out and be a normal-ish person again and resume communication with her loved ones, how does her reemergence to the World go? Like how does her family or friends take the renewed contact and how would those conversations even go??? The authorities would probably care less - one less case pending resolution - but even they might want a sit down.

veryyyyy slowly. i can't even imagine how difficult the process would be

little tmi/background on me but there was a year in college that i got reallll depressed and i didn't leave my dorm room even to get food for like 3 weeks. went literal months without speaking to a single person one-on-one in person, and that shit took months for me to recover from. the biggest thing that i noticed was my anxiety fucking skyrocketed. i walked everywhere and felt like everyone was staring at me, could hardly do anything without shaking, it was baddd.

so im gonna project here and say that i think the biggest difficulty to reacclimating would be how overwhelming everything is. you've got to remember that you've spent months if not over a year literally only seeing two people - simon and johnny. seeing anyone else would be... kinda insane. and trying to go on like... a crowded street? out of the picture

and simon and johnny would know that, so they'd be really hesitant to let you dive off the deep end when you start going back out. but you want to so badly!!! like, you love them and you're not leaving them, you want to go be a person now please! and so maybe they give in a little, and you just have such a bad reaction. panic attack, the whole nine yards. they comfort you of course, but then maybe they've got to be the ones to push you to want to go out again :( poor baby

also if you have a real friend in real life that disappears out of the blue one day and you don't hear from them until a year later when they show up with a new boyfriend glued to their side, you should like absolutely be concerned. but lets say that your friends take it in stride here, that maybe they're a little concerned but they see how happy you are and how good johnny and simon are to you and they like... would rather not ask questions

[foundfamilynonsense]

I don’t ship things. But I’m getting pissed as hell when I see people saying that Huntlow was forced.

Like. No? Sure it had less build up than Amity and Luz but that’s just because Luz is the main character. Not to mention the show was being cancelled and they literally had less time to do it all. Rant under the cut.

I personally could not give a shit if Hunter and Willow became an item or just stayed friends. That show already has strong friendships like Luz, Gus, Willow friendship and Gus and Hunter and etc. and I never need more romance. But as far as writing romance into the plot the Owl House did a perfectly fine job with Willow and Hunter.

When they first meet, Willow, who has been working hard on her own self confidence, basically corners Hunter and forces him to do something fun with kids his own age.

This is where we see the parallels to them, because they’ve both struggled with performance and rejection. They’ve both been called “half a witch” and Hunter is way further back on the road to acceptance.

Hunter let’s them all go, and he addresses Willow specifically.

Then we have just small stuff. Hunter going out of his way to save Willow during a fight, when Hunter gets filled with bad memories while saving Gus one of them is when he made Willow upset. Hunters memory of that one meeting with Willow is so attuned to her he knows fake willow is an illusion immediately. When Willow thinks Hunter’s been captured she’s the first one to race to the airship and angrily starts snapping about how do you turn it on. Once they realize it’s Luz who is actually captured, Amity is the one snapping about going faster, meanwhile Willow is sitting in the back with King. There’s a clear parallel there.

And then season three happens. Hunter wears a stupid outfit and Willow fucking loves it. She legit tells him to save it for later and then winks at him, in which he blushes hard. I didn’t bring up any blushing before this, bc as far as I’m concerned this is the only one that matters. Then episode two is the first time we see Willow being the one who’s about to lose it. Bc she’s had such an excellent character arc so far that she’s become this capable and calm headed leader. And Hunter hears her refer to herself as half a witch. And it literally drives him to tears.

Look. I am literally the last person who would say “they can’t be platonic look how much they mean to each other” bc I literally want to kill people who say that. But as far as storytelling goes they did their due diligence with Hunter and Willow. They put in the work just fine. Especially with the half a witch parallel. With limited episodes where neither of them are a main character they gave us plenty of hints about what’s coming while also letting us see Hunter’s friendship with Gus as being just as important of a relationship!

I don’t know if people are confused at the m/f ship that doesn’t bow to any gender roles or common straight couple troupes or… they’re upset that it’s a m/f ship in general? I mean we have no proof they’re both straight and even if they are who cares it’s still a gay show. With huntlow that makes two straight couples, one of whom is getting a nasty divorce. So.

Or maybe people are upset that the cute little elf boy with depression fell for the plus sized Asian girl before she even really noticed him? Although I shouldn’t just assume the worst.

Like. To put it another way. If I saw it coming, the aroace who legit is surprised by almost every bit of romance in media, then it was not out of nowhere. It’s a legit relationship they spent time on, and if you were blindsided by it maybe there’s some underlying reason why you didn’t expect them to be in a relationship?

[yingren]

modern verse info. wip.

he was only five years old when the night terrors started and the only friends he made were brief encounters that lasted no longer than two playdates. troubled, perpetually tired and acting out. his parents tried their best with him for a few years, taking him to counseling, doctors, and child psychiatrists. four years later, at the age of nine, they essentially just gave up. 

ren ended up more or less neglected by his parents. rather than forcing him to socialize and/or go to family gatherings they could literally not care less if he showed up or not. he spent a lot of time alone at home and gladly avoided social interactions if he could help it. spent a lot of time reading & taught himself how to play the guitar.

his teenage years were ( you guessed it ! ) just him being extremely depressed. he did have some friends though. i’ll elaborate on this later but basically: tw drugs, self harm, attempted suicide, etc. tldr: mom died from drug overdose, dad took his own life.  this happened right after high school and he was diagnosed with severe psychotic depression among other things. he heard voices in his head ( just like main verse ) and struggled with a lot of guilt, grief and regret. in recovery with therapy, medicine and hospitalization.

“people with psychotic depression may get angry for no apparent reason. or they may spend a lot of time by themselves or in bed, sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. a person with psychotic depression may be hard to talk to. perhaps they barely talk or else says things that make no sense.”

after his “recovery” ( still in progress. ) he applied for uni, started studying engineering and eventually dropped out. now he works at a shithole of a diner, hates the smell of fried food sticking to his clothes, has no issues brawling with customers that want to order complicated shit like “bacon and eggs without bacon” or “caesar salad without the salad” ??? yeah, he gets pissed. at least he makes enough money to support himself and his rather humble lifestyle. lives alone with his a rescue cat named “chat” ( same cat as from main verse. )

ren is not a danger to others or anything like that, his darker elements are only mentioned here because i want to make sure people know of the things he struggle with other than working a ( in his words ) shitty job that pays ways too little. he still goes to therapy and he still has bad nightmares / insomnia. 

appearance: somewhat tan in the summer at least but burns easily so fuck the sun, waist long hair often tied up by a clip or in a half pony tail / bun  situation when he’s working, “unfinished” sleeve tattoo on his left arm, frenum barbell piercing, — tba, wip.

personality, vices, etc: more outgoing than his main verse, direct/straightforward, keeps himself clean and fresh but his surroundings often messy (organized chaos), hot-headed, impulsive, dark humor, prone to depressive episodes, smokes & will dip mid-conversation to get his fix

[wiihtigo]

CASEY NATION RISE 7, 9, 17, 20, 23, 25

ask game

7. What’s one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

i used to think that she didnt care much about the art of actually acting and cinema and stuff and for her it was more about just being famous and it didnt matter how. i think that was partially because although i knew i wanted her to lust for fame and money the acting dream was kind of just randomly decided on. i thought i could easily swap it out with modelling or singing or something and it wouldnt make much difference. but the more time ive spent with casey, the more i see her as a true lover of movies and art....which i think leads in well to her endgame job being a script editor rather than an actor. her true talents lie behind the screen even if she herself doesnt see it...

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

whats a girl to do - cristina

a post canon (after nell dies) caseys life anthem:)

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

well i was going to blame it entirely on you that nell dies and i had no say in that but i suppose i did come up with her emotional reaction to that myself, which causes me a lot of slow damage pain. SO I GUESS THAT..the fact she pushes michelle away after it happens is really depressing to me because thats literally her only friend left and only possible pillar of support, but she pushes her away because she hates everything and shes mad shes not nell and shes mad at her family and wants to explode. I think she'd be marginally less suicidal if she stayed friends with her.....

I guess also pulling from alternate realities the one where she dies is pretty fucked up. and very painful. and nell doesnt even make it to her to cradle her in her arms. SAD

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

yyessss. at least when he and nell start getting lowkey. no. highkey #serious. early in their setup he wouldnt gaf if nell was married to a businesswoman in russia.but when they start ummmm [redacted] then hes like waittt. lol waittttttt lol wait. lol. WAITTT. gets a little annoyed when theyre at the doom patrol warehouse party and jayna from the wonder twins tries to get ladybugs number. THATS MY BODYGUARD..GET YOUR OWN. it manifests in that he'll get clingy to nell and mean and passive aggressive (or just aggressive) towards the person pissing him off. will be petty and spiteful (sees some poor scared nervous young lesbian trying to say hi to nell so he slides in and nuzzles up to her shoulder in public to let that sstupid kid know to go away)

idk why he does this. if you asked him if he liked nell he would say And what has she done to MAKE me like her

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

lol GRIEF. little casey has never experienced a death before nell! not even a pet death. she has no idea how to process those feelings or cope with them in the slightest. she goes like catatonic immediately after the fact bcuz shes so completely shocked and wasnt prepared for it at all (lowkey thought ladybug was too awesomeand strong to ever get got. stupidd)

on the complete flip side, also .....l-l-l-l-l-l-l--l-l-l-l-l-l...LOVE. or at least feeling a smidge of serious romantic attraction to someone. in canon end she never gets to deal with that bcuz she only realizes it after nell died and then promptly buried everything related to nell deep inside a hole. but in nyc nell simply has an epic near death experience where hes hospitalized and thats when casey is like fuuuuuuuuuck that scared me. DO I LIKE HER? she acts a bit pathetic and tsundere abt it which is endearing to me personally. maybe scares nell a bit. its cute to me though <3

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

shes not a good person </3 shes selfish and mean and doesnt care about other people </3 bent on revenge and hating </3 genuinely not a good guy </3 i love everything negative about casey the most

i also think secretary characters are sexy.