#i like to think the changes to the world are so substantial that the setting just shifts to a less angsty action/adventure story

[sunderwight]

Liushen AU where SY transmigrates into SJ's older brother, and subsequently nopes them right out of the slavery backstory by using his general knowledge of the story and actually being an adult in a kid's body to just leave (basically) with SJ and YQ.

SY carts them both up to Cang Qiong for the next sect trials. It's actually not all that hard, the trickiest part is getting enough to eat and finding safe places to sleep between leaving the slavers and taking the trials (SY manages just barely, with considerable help from his new little brothers.) Nobody bothers to go after them because it's before Qiu Jianluo and this style of human traffickers mostly operate by virtue of their merchandise having nowhere else to go. Chasing down runaways is an expense not worth indulging, given that most of them either come straight back or die of exposure.

Anyway, they take the trials, and as expected YQY gets chosen to become a personal disciple for the sect leader, and SJ gets chosen by the Qing Jing Peak Lord, but also as (kind of) expected (by SY alone) nobody wants SY. He's older the Yue Qi, so too old, and unlike YQ and SJ his cultivation potential isn't striking enough to make any exceptions for him.

SY, however, can't leave it at that. He's spent more than five minutes with the street kid codependency gang, so he's gotten attached to both of them. And he knows what will happen if they're left to their own devices and The Plot proceeds accordingly. (Also, they keep threatening to not stay at the sect if SY doesn't stay too, for some reason.) So with a heavy heart and internal candle lit for himself, SY heads to Bai Zhan Peak. Which is the only peak that accepts disciples by way of them turning up and refusing to leave.

SY's not much of a fighter. He actually really hates the atmosphere on BZP, he's not bad at physical cultivation (his health's pretty good in this life, ironic considering how much worse his situation was) but the random ambushes and survival-of-the-fittest stuff is just not his brand. But that's okay, because it turns out that BZP actually DESPERATELY needs disciples on the actual peak who are interested in things other than fighting and cultivating their own strength. Stuff like, filling out requisition requests for An Ding every time things break, apologizing to An Ding every time things break again, organizing schedules, browbeating senior disciples into actually teaching, educating disciples on virtually any artistic or social skill, hosting lectures on how to beat vicious beasts without just overpowering them, and etc.

Okay so some of this stuff isn't and has never actually been on Bai Zhan's curriculum but Shen Yuan is going to make this place tolerable. And stop these children from needlessly getting acid burns or lyme disease or scurvy or whatever. He keeps internally chewing out Airplane for designing a sect system that means there are a lot of largely unsupervised 12-year-olds running around the wilderness on a mountain picking fights all the time. (When he actually meets Shang Qinghua and figures him out he switches to doing it in person, of course, in twice-monthly bitching sessions that look a lot like budding friendship.)

Of course one of the worst offenders is the Liu kid, who SY would suspect was actually raised by wolves if he didn't know for a fact that Liu Qingge has a younger sister, and also the kinds of nice clothing and letters from home that strongly imply not only does he have a family, but that the family is pretty well-off. Liu Qingge is at first deeply offended by SY being a BZP disciple. He rarely fights anyone, and uses tricks and evasion tactics whenever a fight can't be avoided. And he does other annoying stuff, like pestering him about meals and baths and lecturing him on identifying dangerous plants and the early signs of qi deviation. This is not what their peak is about! He should get with the program already! Just fight stuff until you're too tired to keep fighting stuff!

Also SY's younger brother, SJ, is pure evil (at least according to baby Liu Qingge) even though his other younger brother (?) is cool and nice.

Anyway, Liu Qingge stops complaining about SY after their first mission together, where Liu Qingge doesn't lose a fight but does get into a kind of pyrrhic victory situation where he's really badly hurt, and it's SY who helps him win (correctly identifying the monster and then pointing out its weakness) and takes care of him afterwards and gets him safely back to Cang Qiong. SY expresses surprise at LQG actually being polite to him, and LQG realizes that he's been a colossal ass if people think he wouldn't be grateful to someone who saved his life, so the usual Liushen dynamic proceeds from there. Liu Qingge starts bringing SY fans he leaves behind and hunts down animals that are supposed to be useful for bolstering weak cultivation, SY invites LQG to tea and keeps the critters as pets, etc etc.

SY doesn't get the Head Disciple position, because that's only acquired via beating the current peak lord in combat and lol no. Also he's not interested in stealing it from Liu Qingge, to whom it rightfully belongs (in his mind). But that's fine, because Liu Qingge takes the position when the next generation ascends and then he lets SY exclusively handle all the peak duties SY actually likes (mainly teaching). It's perfect -- Liu Qingge gets to focus on his War God antics and occasional administration/meetings without having to deal with students his has no patience for, but the disciples of BZP don't get neglected because SY is actually teaching and organizing classes and student care. BZP hasn't enjoyed a golden age like this since it was founded!

Things are pretty good overall, but Shen Yuan knows that it's only a matter of time before The Plot shows up, and so he can't rest completely easily.

Meanwhile, the will-they-or-won't-they bets on Liushen have been going strong for a while now. The thing is, most of their martial siblings are convinced that these two are already "together", and just being circumspect about it. Those who know SY well (like SJ, YQY, and SQH) know better but think that SY's romantic obtuseness is to blame, whereas those who know LQG well (LMY, WQW, and MQF) are pretty sure that it's actually LQG's obtuseness that's the problem. Of course it's actually both of them, so efforts to "fix" matters by getting through one of their thick skulls inevitably run afoul of the other's.

An additional complication is of course: SJ doesn't like LQG (mutual), and now that he's the leader of his own peak, he wants to poach SY to come and live there. Not only so he can have one of the 2 people he trusts actually close at hand, but also because SJ also hates actually teaching the atrocious little brats on his peak, and would like to have SY come and do it for him. YQY is still a total pushover for him too, and is also now the sect leader, so YQY agrees that SY can change peaks if SY and LQG both agree to it.

Liu Qingge, of course, is a no, but he's a variable "no". He's not going to hold Shen Yuan against his will or anything.

As for Shen Yuan, it's... complicated. He doesn't really like BZP, but it's gotten a lot better than it was at the start. These days he's actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, and it's more comfortable, but it's still a rough and rowdy place with fewer creature comforts, libraries, or other appealing points than QJP. Also, if he goes to Qing Jing to teach, he can personally ensure that SJ doesn't go around persecuting any of his students!

But... SJ never lived with the Qiu family in this AU, and even though SY's not totally clear on what the PIDW backstory for SJ was, he knows he's a better guy now than the scum villain in the book was. He has a reputation for making cutting remarks, not for being an abusive snake or a lecher. SY's honestly less worried about him doing anything bad at all, and there are other people on QJP who can teach. It might even be good for SJ to promote more people to fill out a social circle he can rely on! That guy needs more friends, seriously.

And QJP really doesn't need more layabout literary intellectual types who get into pointless arguments, which is all SY would be if he went there. Just yet another nerdy scholar for the rich kids with middling cultivation that the peak favors to ignore. At least on BZP he's filling a gap.

SY is clearly torn, and the fact that SY's considering it has LQG upset, and LQG doesn't handle being upset very well, so of course they have an argument about it. SY storms off to cool his head and LQG is like, this is it, he's gone to Qing Jing Peak, I've drive him off by being too aggressive and he's probably remembering all those times I told him he didn't belong here and oh no what have I done maybe if I build him a heated bath and get him books he will come back???

Turns out that SY just went to An Ding to vent at SQH while SQH was like "I think you would have fewer problems if you and Liu Qingge just got married and my disciples could call you Shigu to your face instead of behind your back" and SY threw melon seeds at him and sulked on his fainting couch (which is always cold for some reason...)

Thus begins the Liushen Divorce Arc where SY tries to be anywhere but BZP or QJP, Liu Qingge tries to figure out what thing he can punch to fix this not-punchable problem, SJ is like "I don't see what the big deal is they should break up Liu Qingge is awful and I want my brother to teach my classes for me" like the spoiled youngest sibling he's finally allowed to be, YQY is trying to moderate this Hades vs Demeter situation and is all "well maybe SY could spend half the year on QJP and half on BZP?", and Liu Mingyan is going "I know my brother if this doesn't work out he is going to die single and pining like an idiot" and so keeps conscripting other disciples to y'know, lock SY and LQG into storage closets together (ineffective: LQG can punch through walls) or at least get them in the same room (underestimating SY's willingness to yeet himself out of windows to avoid awkward social interactions.)

By the time Luo Binghe joins the sect (as a Qiong Ding disciple), the drama is in full swing and is the main topic of gossip across most of the peaks.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - you in your own eyes vs. you in your fs' eyes

welcome lovely reader! let's take a peak into how you view yourself, compared to how your future lover will view you. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. remember to take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

°❀⋆.pile 1ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as someone who isn't very easily impressed or satisfied. you might struggle with chronic pessimism and seeing the brighter side of things sometimes and seem aware of it. you are manifesting a better life for yourself.

you might lack substantial belief and trust in yourself to do well, and see yourself as someone who's more of capable of hoping and wishful thinking, rather than courageously taking the initiative and acting on your desires.

you believe you don't have the needed tools to follow your dreams just yet (financially, mentally or in terms of maturity) you also might be afraid of change; this could result in a habit of just staying in your comfort zone in the end.

you might see yourself as someone who's still too immature and inexperienced. not sure why this came through, but some of you might even think that you just aren't overly smart. (spirit is telling me you're wrong!) you might feel like a late bloomer who's been a little stagnant in their life or slower in your growth compared to others. a lot of comparing yourself to other people here.

i heard “dreamer with a heavy heart” from the song cruel world by faye. perhaps you could connect to that song; it talks about feeling like the world just challenges you continuously, but the dreamer inside of you remaining alive despite the hurt.

you might think that you're quite alone in this world. someone who's just used to being on your own, doing things on your own. you see yourself as a person who tries lighting their own path instead of relying on anyone else.

you see yourself as someone who's constantly wishing to learn from the things that life throws at you, and turning every life lesson into something that helps you grow.

you might experience fomo sometimes; fear of missing out.

it does seem as if you're still trying your best to hold on to this glimmer of hope within you.. you're aware that you're someone who could make it happen, if only they took a leap of faith.

you're very humble, dedicated and eager to learn at heart, so deep down you acknowledge that the potential and desire is there. you just aren't sure how to translate it into reality.

i think you're in the midst of slowly healing from negative experiences, which have had a profound impact on you. you're trying to practice self-forgiveness and letting go of the past, but still might struggle with self-doubts and insecurities.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs will see you as someone resilient with a strong personality, who's had to endure a lot of challenges and conquer many obstacles in their life. this gave you thick skin.

they might look at you as a person who wasn't as easy to get to, because you do have your walls up at first, and people need to prove themselves to you before they can get past them. they look at you as someone who's protective of their own space, and doesn't allow people to access them as easily.

their first impression might consist of seeing you in snappy defensive mode, where you had to stand up for yourself.

they'll think that you're someone independent who challenges the status quo; focused on first and foremost, going after what you set yourself up to, unafraid to stand out and be different. a person who's more interested in following their own rules, instead of joining the crowd or blending in.

your fs looks at you as a person who's determined to build their own financial stability and independence before relying on anyone else to do it.

which is interesting, because i do think this person could be relatively well off and wanting to provide you, but you don't seem very interested in basking in anyone else's money.

they could see you as marriage material quite quickly and think about building a future together, but soon after might realize you're not someone eager to jump into a commitment as such, if you don't feel secure in yourself first.

this has the potential to humble them quite a bit, and awaken the realization that you're someone more self-sufficient; and if anyone feels the desire to be with you, they gotta remain patient and consistent in their efforts.

you seem like a person who can make people work for your attention in order to understand the value of it, which your fs is likely to take notice of and feel even more intrigued by.

it's possible your fs isn't really used to people playing hard to get with them, which is why you might stand out a lot.

°❀⋆.pile 2ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as artistic, creative, passionate and warm.

you might believe that you're the type of person who's quite sure of what they want in material or financial terms, ready to realize your ambitions and goals in a bold manner; but with a soft spot when it comes to their emotional world.

like you usually have a strong character, but some sappy little things might still get you all sensitive, teary-eyed and emotional. some of you might be a little embarrassed about this too. (don't be, it's very endearing)

i feel like some of you might have fire suns with water moons

you might see yourself as a dreamy person, who's in love with the concept and idea of being in love. someone who often finds themselves seeking romance and everything it entails.

you look at yourself as a person who tries to find beauty in everything they do; just loving to romanticise life and its little things. you might love and identify a lot with art, music, etc.

at the same time, you seem to be aware of how you definitely are not as easy as you appear to be, and for sure find yourself cautious of people trying to take advantage of you.

like i see you as a person who can be willingly delusional sometimes just to beautify life a little bit, but absolutely not as a person who's easily fooled or played with.

it's almost like the more people get to know you, the easier it is for them to spot your more sensitive and soft side. the rest might see more of your more fiery and strong sides, since that's usually how you present yourself to the outside.

it seems like as time went on, you've learnt to be more wary of people's motives and intentions, and understood the importance of cultivating clear boundaries in terms of how closely you connect to others, and how much you let them in.

you can have your outgoing and social moments, but it's likely you've become good at keeping a healthy inner distance to a lot of people you're surrounded by; almost like making them believe they're your friend, when in your eyes they're not really.

you also might see yourself as someone who's not afraid to fight when necessary; a person who will not allow others to step all over them. you'll step over them twice as hard.

i see a lot of this inner fierceness inside of you coming from potential trust issues; not always feeling like everyone has your best interests at heart. you might have been betrayed a few times, which has taught you to be more cautious, and just keeping certain, more personal things to yourself.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs sees you as a vibrant and charismatic person, who has this very radiant and captivating presence to them.

they might feel like the world stops whenever they look at you; you make everyone and everything else feel less important.

their first impression is likely to consist of you being this attractive, charming and confident person, who has an inspiring and intriguing effect on them.

similarly to pile 3, they're likely to look at you as a person who's quite different to them in a variety of ways; whether that's your ethnicity, culture, views, beliefs, lifestyle, upbringing.

your fs sees in you, someone who can pull this spark of energy and motivation out of situations others would feel sad about.

like the type of person who's just eager to gets the spirits up if the mood ever gets too gloomy and negative.

they look at you as a bright and powerful person, who doesn't like dwelling on the past and isn't easily beat down by their losses, but on the contrary, sees them as an opportunity for a new and potentially even better start.

example, they might watch you go through a break up and wonder how much it'd affect you emotionally, just for you to get back up and appear as confident and vibrant as ever.

you're giving a person who has the best break-up glow ups.

like you wanna prove to whoever lost out on you, that it in no way is your loss, but definitely is theirs. it's giving princess diana black revenge dress.

as the connection progresses, it's likely for your fs to see you more and more as someone they'd want to settle down and start a family with.

for my girls out there; your fs might quite literally, want you to be the mother of their children. they're likely to look at you as someone who has great potential to be a mother, because you're so multi-facetted and wellrounded.

in your fs eyes', not only are you a strong, independent and self-sufficient character who's capable of confidently taking charge of situations, but you're also immensely nurturing, caring and kind towards the people dearest to you.

they think that you hold a lot of empathy and genuine love for the special people in your life, and have this natural ability to make them feel understood, and taken care of.

i thought of this moment when justin bieber talked about seeing hailey bieber with a baby and thinking “she is the one.”

also, this keeps coming through; they just think you're beautiful. like.. so so pretty. they might stare at you a lot.

“i could look at you all day and never get sick of the sight.”

°❀⋆.pile 3ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as a bit of a lone-wolf, someone who doesn't feel understood by many people, and doesn't really feel like they always fit into too many places.

a person who's in continuous search of their true belonging, and their spot where they feel safe and comfortable.

you think of yourself as a deep, reflective and introspective person who seeks profound understanding of yourself and life. you might be aware of how you need alone-time, as well as times of peace and quiet to recharge.

you long to find your own identity and true purpose, outside of what other people want or expect from you.

some of you might even feel the desire to move overseas in hopes that the change of environment could help you step into your power and strength more. there's some feelings of.. feeling like you're not where you should be, and believing that your current environment doesn't serve you. this isn't where you see your best self thriving and blossoming.

some of you might be using your spirituality to manifest a better life, and spend a lot of time on the internet trying to find guidance and ways to manifest your dream life.

you simply do not see yourself as a person, who's okay with just allowing others to take control of what you do, or your life.

you see yourself as a very driven person, who once they set their mind to something, absolutely have to get it done. like tunnel vision, this is what i want and nothing else.

while at the same time, you usually aren't someone who acts on a completely impulsive whim; you try your best to make all your decisions based on logic and reason.

you might recognize yourself as being a fairminded person, who's eager to balance your focus on your goals and your strong determination, with the importance to remain responsible and just in the way you get there.

there might be a struggle in you, between following the path you deem as best for yourself, while also making sure the people around you don't have to suffer because of it.

this dilemma between serving yourself, and serving others.

the dilemma between standing out, and fitting in.

you're strong, pile 3.. i know the road here wasn't easy, but you're persevering and doing an absolutely applaudable job.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs will view you as someone who's quite different to them. a person who's like a breath of fresh air.

they might notice that you hold beliefs different to them, proceed with things differently or approach certain situations differently, and therefore intrigue them majorly.

they'll look at you as a person who can transform them. someone who has the potential to change their life in a significant and impactful manner.

they also could see you as someone quite unpredictable, who always brings something new and fresh to the table.

your fs could be someone with masculine energy, potential earth sign. they're someone who's work-oriented, mature, possibly older than you in age, good with money and has a strong sense of responsibility.

they will see you as a person who's much more in tune with their emotions than them, and has this beautiful sense of empathy, and compassion for the people around them.

a loving person who supports others in a gentle and caring manner, and has a comforting and warm effect on them.

they will like how you bring this new sense of affection into their environment.

you could help them steer their gaze away from work work work, and make them believe in the beauty of love again.

like this person will literally have their fantasies awakened because of you. you will make them believe that soulmates are real, and that they finally found their person in you.

the puzzle piece they didn't know was missing in their lives.

it's almost like “how am i so attracted to pile 3.. when they're so different to me?” you'll quite literally have them wrapped around your finger.

this person might be someone who's usually quite stubborn and stuck in their ways, but something about your unique existence will change that; they'll want to understand someone else's opinions for a change.

they'll truly feel this desire to put themselves into your shoes and look at things from your point of view. you might quite literally teach them what empathy means.

both of you give the vibe of someone more independent, but are likely to change that for each other.

like you will make your fs want to be alone together with someone; that person will be you. and vice versa.

you'll find home in each other.

oh i could go on & on about this pile, the energy is so sweet

even as i started shuffling, i already began going into full on dreamy lovey-dovey 🥰 mode

[imsofreakingtired]

anorexia comfort w sevika??

thanks for your request anon; this is definitely a painful topic and as a survivor myself i tried to render it with as much sensitivity and honesty as i could. that being said, if this content is triggering to anyone, please scroll away and take care of yourselves 💙💙💙

francis forever

CONTENT WARNINGS: depictions of an eating disorder, body dysmorphia, self-harm, heavy angst

“i don’t need the world to see that i’ve been the best i can be but i don’t think i can stand to be where you don’t see me.”

**set in a modern au**

~~~

At first, Sevika says nothing. She notices everything, she sees how tired you look nowadays, the sudden bouts of irritation, your tendency to dress in layers even in the warm indoors. She sees you breathless after climbing a single flight of stairs, the way your chapped lips bleed from picking at them. But she doesn’t want to bring it up and put you on the spot. She tries to be there. Tries to indicate that if you want to talk, she’ll listen. But it’s difficult, when you barely have time to see each other during the day, both of you have a job or classes. By the time she gets back to the apartment you’re asleep, and more often than not she leaves in the morning before you’re awake. 

And you dread showing something, betraying something, even a hint at the downward spiral. You don’t want her to know about the nights you stay awake curled into yourself, feeling like a crumpled forgotten thing, feeling like you don’t even know yourself anymore. You’re terrified she’ll leave you if she finds out. You cover every inch of your body not only because you can no longer stand seeing skin in the mirror without breaking down, but because you don’t want Sevika to see the changes, the sudden drop in weight. You still want to be the girl she fell in love with. You need to believe you can still be that girl. 

You try to keep up a front of relative calm. It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. It gets worse every day, and some days even the mere mention of eating feels like a blade in your chest. An innocent question from Sevika. Do you want a sandwich? I’m making some. You don’t show the panic rising in your throat. You don’t let it into your voice. No, thanks. I’m not hungry. 

Food becomes a commodity, a currency, a prize, a bargain, something to be earned, exchanged, punished, shunned, craved, tortured. Anything but a right. You allow yourself a small snack if you work out for an hour afterwards. Nutrition labels on food products become lines of code, to be analyzed, judged, rejected or accepted. Sevika begins to ask you, in a gentle voice, things like baby, did you eat today? You evade the questions or lie to her outright. Sevika does not remember the last time she saw you eat something, something substantial, something that wasn’t unseasoned egg whites or a couple of green grapes. When you start returning from the gym late in the evening, nearly stumbling from exhaustion, she begins to seriously worry.

When she accidentally drops one of your notebooks and sees the flood of post-it notes covered in tiny letters and numbers, dates and calories, she feels nearly sick with dread. 

When she finds you on the bathroom floor, razor in hand and thin ribbons of blood lacing your forearm, she thinks she can feel the world crack open and crumble around her. 

Oh, God. She keeps saying. She drops to the floor next to you and gathers you in her arms. It’s okay. You’re okay.

And you’re thinking, this is it. I’ve fucked it all over. And then you’re not thinking at all, because the feeling of her warm body against yours breaks something inside of you. You’re crying so hard you can barely draw breath enough to say, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

Sevika pulls back and cradles your face, and you don’t notice it at the time but looking back you can remember her eyes were red with tears as well. Baby, don’t say that. Please don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who’s sorry. 

Sevika can remember a similar period of her life in high school, when she limited herself to half an apple and half a glass of milk a day, ran three miles every day in a sweatsuit, lifted weights in her father’s basement until her arms physically could not move anymore. She remembers the desperate need for something, even as her body eroded, even as her head spun every time she stood up. A need to prove herself—prove herself worthy of something, to someone—but what? She doesn’t even remember what it was all for. All she can recall now is the endless loneliness, a bottomless void. She had pulled herself out of it. But she couldn’t even save you. 

I should have said something, done something, Sevika says. 

You watch her bandage your arm, and her tenderness feels like murder. I don’t deserve you, you say. I’m giving you so much trouble.

Sevika doesn’t say anything for a moment. She holds your arm in both her hands as if you are something fragile and precious. Then, gently, she kisses the top of your head. 

You are not trouble to me, she says. You’re everything but that. 

Things don’t magically get better after Sevika finds out. It takes a long time to undo the knots of obsession and self-loathing that you’ve wound around your neck. It takes an even longer time to admit to yourself that you are worth your own love, your own acceptance. Step by step, Sevika tells you. Everything takes time. Building things takes time. Undoing things takes time too. No matter what, she says, I’m proud of you. 

Sevika walks you to therapy every week, whether or not she has an overlapping commitment. She doesn’t say much on the walks there, not unless you feel like talking. She knows you just need her there, walking next to you, holding your hand tightly. She picks you up afterwards. Keeps her arm around you as you walk home. She knows that what you need, all you really need, is just to know she’s there, that you aren’t alone. And Sevika shows this to you in every way she can.

~~~

a/n: if you have ever or are currently going through something like this, please know you are so very very very worth every step of recovery. you're strong and loved and perfect as you are, so please take care of yourself!! 💙🙏

also, if there are any specific tags i should add to more distressing posts, please let me know! still new to tumblr and its language lol

[scramratz]

Rant abt your Cds I'm curious

OK HERE GOES SCRAMS 2024 CD COLLECTION TIER LIST

(Disclaimer: these are just my personal opinions and if yours differ from mine, fine. It’s not a sin to be wrong)

S TIER-

Goo-Sonic Youth: Straight bangers all the way through. Girls love it when you show them your Sonic Youth cd. Extra points cuz the pamphlet unfolds into a sick poster

Midnight Vultures-Beck: Good album to clean the house to. Every song a banger. Beck as a person sets off alarms, though 🤔

Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot-Sparklehorse: Genuinely my favorite artist and album of all time. Fall asleep to Homecoming Queen often.

Siamese Dream-Smashing Pumpkins: Fire straight though. Good when you’re in a depressed 20-something mood. Better than Mellon Collie in my humble opinion.

Gorillaz-Gorillaz: The start of one of my favorite bands and objectively one of the best bands in the world don’t fight me on it I’ll kill you.

A TIER-

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots-The Flaming Lips: Solid album. Iconic cover art. “Do You Realize??” always got me feeling feelings

Violent Femmes-Violent Femmes: Top 3 favorite band. Every song went platinum in my household. Would have been higher but reminds me of my mom too much.

Dig Me Out- Sleater-Kinney: Got it because the name sounded familiar. Ended up loving them! Doesn’t sound right if it’s not played loud, though, and considering I live in an apartment, I don’t play it often.

Fear Yourself-Daniel Johnston: Got it because I love “Hi, How Are You” but haven’t been able to find it anywhere. Was pleasantly surprised! Hits the same melancholy spot but slightly more upbeat.

Figure 8-Elliot Smith: My favorite sad boy that definitely DIDN’T kill himself. Not my favorite Elliot album but every one of his albums is A tier personally.

The Diary of Alicia Keys-Alicia Keys: WENT QUADRUPLE PLATINUM IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. Prime cleaning the house on Sunday music. Dragon Days is seriously underrated.

Garbage-Garbage: Don’t know how to say this without sounding insane but this album sounds like the color #DC007F and I like that color a lot

2-Mac Demarco: The CHOKEHOLD Mac Demarco had on us artschool bitches in 2016 OMG. Was gonna change my name to Viceroy

B TIER-

Money for Nothing- Dire Straits: Top tier dad music.

Lumine fever- The Adrenals: Got it cuz the cover looked cool. Was pleasantly surprised! They rock the adequate amount

Rocket to Russia- Ramones: They’re good but I don’t get the hype honestly. They’re the Flavor-Aid of Punk

Starfish- The Church: Only love one song on it, the only song anyone likes tbh. The rest are your standard 80s deal

Crooked Rain-Pavement: I really love Pavement but there is a thing as too much Pavement and I think I’ve reached it

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco: Honestly should have been in A tier but all the pretentious music dudes I’ve met has soured this album for me so it goes in B outta spite. Jesus Etc my fave song tho

An Evening with Silk Sonic- Silk Sonic: Nice, short, gets me in a happy mood. Does what it needs to do!

Prolonging the Magic- Cake: John McCrea don’t really be singing, do he? He just fancy talkin

C TIER-

Gigantic, Fuel, and The Nixons: I got all 3 on sale and they all sound the same and that sound is…ok? Like it’s alright background music

Blind Melon-Blind Melon: What was with 90’s bands putting random kids as their album covers? Decent listen, though.

Summerteeth-Wilco: Good background music. I can’t remember any songs off it.

Los Angeles/Wild Gift-X: I like X but I hate that fucking album art omg it’s so hard to look at. I like their songs individually but as a cohesive album, eh.

D TIER-

Throwing Copper-Live: bought it on sale with the above 3 but liked this one substantially less. Only redeeming quality to me is the album art.

Ben Folds Five-Ben Folds Five: Misleading considering there’s only 3 of them. He sounds like my ex boyfriend from highschool before I realized I liked girls

F Tier-

The Ragetones/Fall Apart-The Ragetones: Saw them play at a shitting basement show. Everything sounds better when you can barely hear yourself think.

F Punk-Big Audio Dynamite: Found it at the thrift and rehomed it outta pity. Sounds like the 80s in a bad way.

[theresstillgrowinghere]

I don’t often find I have much to say during chronic illness awareness months anymore. I’m tired. My words feel tired. I don’t feel like I have anything new to add. Sometimes I worry though that that in part comes from my having been in various digital chronic illness spaces for almost a decade. Of course it feels tired to me. There are things that rattle around my brain that feel so obvious and commonplace (and that have been said much more eloquently by others before me) but may still be worth expressing, just judging by the ways people in my life haven’t been able to understand

So for gastroparesis awareness month this year, there are a few things I want to note from my experiences (tw for food/eating, weight without numbers, medical trauma)

1) My relationship with food is so scarred and multifaceted. It is messy and thorny, conflicting and complicated

(I am scared of food. I miss food. I hate food. I want to eat so badly. I never want to think about eating again. Tell me in detail about how it tasted. I love food. Please don’t ask me to join you for a meal. I don’t want to miss the communal aspects of eating. I feel so disconnected and other and separate just because I don’t eat. Sometimes I do try to eat and it makes me sick. Don’t comment on it, please; it’s not helpful to scold or encourage - I feel shame either way)

2) There is no cure. There is only management. I think people understand this in theory more than actuality, because when I say this I mean please, please stop expecting any management option to be The Thing. Please don’t expect something to offer substantial improvement, even if it is a life-saving dramatic change. As I have tried to explain to people in my life, those types of interventions are often complicated and risky and, in our broken healthcare system, very difficult to access until the situation truly is dire and life-threatening. Which can mean that the body takes significant damage before getting there. Sometimes by the time you access the intervention, that damage is irreversible and the goal is just to stop further decline. It’s not making me better; it’s keeping me from getting worse. For some reason that’s difficult for people to understand

(But sometimes people do find what for them is The Thing or are The Things, and that’s an important piece of the whole picture. The problem is the persistence of unrealistic expectations among people around us)

3) My relationship with healthcare is vital but fraught and heavy. I rely on it tremendously just to stay alive. It is also my only in-person access to the world and to people, which is a weird kind of mindfuck. But I am also deeply afraid of it after so many years of trauma. I am terrified of hospitals and medical professionals. I’m sorry for the way that fear makes me irrational, makes me assume, makes me protect myself. I know so many medical professionals are so caring and kind, but it is very, very hard to go into a medical setting trusting that that will be the case

4) There are some things I wish truly were obvious. Like don’t comment on someone’s weight, ever. Don’t say you wish you could “have a little of that” to change your appearance. Don’t try to convince me to “just try to eat a little.” Trust that I know my body best. Don’t offer me unsolicited advice or recommendations. Don’t say “when you get to be my age…” because I will point out that, based on the amount of damage to my body already, it is very possible I will never reach your age. But more to the point, I am not too young to be this sick. It happens

Anyway, these are my 3am-notes-app, camped-out-on-the-bathroom-floor thoughts. It is also important to note that they exist in the context of my gastroparesis being born of and coexisting with my other chronic illnesses, and they all become so deeply entangled

Wishing everyone well. Hoping your August is kind and gentle

To everyone with gastroparesis (and other digestive disorders, really), I’m sorry your tummy hurts, and no, you actually don’t need to be very brave about it. As I heard someone say recently in a different context but definitely applies here as well, “We weren’t born to be fighters. I don’t want to be brave. I want to be okay.” I just want all of us to be okay

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

I really like the decision to set TotK a few years after BotW, as opposed to the few months we’re used to in direct Zelda sequels. It gave the world a substantial amount of time to change. Hyrule is livelier. In the years of relative peace since Calamity Ganon was vanquished, it’s been allowed to grow and thrive. Hateno Village, the largest Hylian settlement, is becoming economically significant as a tourist destination and food supplier. It’s especially cool to see Riju, Tulin, and Kass’s kids mature into their adult/teenage years, respectively.

Building on that, I think it’s neat that Link is in his early twenties now. This is the oldest Link we’ve ever played as (Skyward Sword held the previous record at 17.5 y/o). He’s had time to adjust to life post-calamity. His traumatic mutism seems to be all but gone. You ever notice just how much he talks in this game? Dialogue options galore, he’s constantly explaining things to other characters, all that. And he’s more expressive, too. He outright laughs when he fuses weapons.

Link’s relationship with Zelda has also had time to grow. Guys. Fellas. Broskis. They live in the same house. In which there is only one bed. They are together. The implication here is that they share most of their meals together, and remember, it’s key to his characterization that he opens up emotionally when he’s cooking or eating. That means there has been a lot of quality bonding time between them.

Before and during the Calamity, Link served as Zelda’s royal bodyguard because the king demanded it of him. Given how he went mostly mute from the pressure of being entrusted with the princess’s safety and being chosen as the Hylian Champion (at age 17, mind you), I’d wager he didn’t particularly like the assignment until he started bonding with her. He looks downright sad when she snaps at him in that one memory at the shrine. Hell, he doesn’t smile once in the memories.

But you know what? I get the feeling that Link protects her now not out of duty like he used to, but out of love. That’s powerful because “love conquers all” and all that, but also, there’s no external pressure to be her bodyguard. Until the Upheaval, he was done being a special little hero. He was just a swordsman, but he still went where Zelda went to protect her. So instead of being crushed by that pressure, protecting her is an expression of his love for her. It’s a choice and he’s doing it because he wants to, not because it was forced on him.

That’s a lot of growth to go through, and it was paced over several years. He doesn’t appear to have aged much, but enough time has passed that Hudson has a daughter who can hold a mature conversation. That’s what, 5 years old? Yeah, Link is in his early twenties. Fucking finally, the task of saving the world falls on the shoulders of an adult (although speaking as someone entering his mid-twenties, that honestly isn’t much better).

I’m starting to ramble here so I’ll leave a parting observation of Link and Zelda’s house in Hateno. Zelda has redecorated a fair bit since moving in with Link, replacing his weapon racks with photos of her horse and various Hyruleans (her subjects who she cares deeply for), but the photo of her, Link, and the Champions is still up. And that’s really cute.

[sgiandubh]

Although MPCs website clear about bring a business which contributes a portion of profits post admin costs, Sam regularly in videos and in print interviews misrepresents. He's says my charity abd he says 59% of signup fee goes to charity. If there is a problem l, it's on Sam, who according to original members, basically sold MPC control, in 2017. Your statement of knowing what he's doing with his MPC, is questionable, post corporate change of MPC. It's not just his alone. MPC has sketchy history, since Alex's involvement, and the rumors, look more as truths that a good portion of the administrative costs go to Alex pre-whisky, for a working, guaranteed salary before sales came in. It also begs the question, if Sam is interested in supporting charity with a portion of income sales, why hasn't 10% of whisky sales went to charity partners? The whisky is part of the GGC, Sam and Alex's business. Why wouldn't he plug a Newman Products design? Maybe he's not as interested in charity?

Dear MPC Anon,

It has always been 50%, which is logical. 59% sounds like a demented Asian astrologist suggestion - but you might be unfamiliar with Burmese recent history, so I shall give you a pass, on that one.

Who are the 'original members' who told you MPC was sold? To whom was it sold? When did that happen? I need paperwork to support this statement: the current corporate documents still list ONE officer - pay away from your wallet to find out it's very probably SRH: I am not doing it for you.

Like it or not, Norouzi's involvement in MPC is a reality since at least its creation. You will have to prove me the 'sketchy' part with much more than a stinking grenade thrown by Anon or fandom illiterate gossip.

I will have to see contracts between MPC, AN, SH proving that pre-whisky launching costs of The Sassenach were drawn from the MPC accounts. I will also have to see bank and accounting documents proving so. According to US law, I would also have to be a Court and have enough reasons to subpoena these people and entities to show me those. Stop spreading the shite written by Pufflander once upon a time and ask Puffy, in her retreat, what the fuck did she do with the crowdfunded money for the Harassment PI Report (you know, *urv and co). Now that would be a really interesting question, right? No answer? Bad day, baby. Bad day.

Whisky sales under the umbrella of Great Glen Company LLC, a different legal entity with no charitable mission, were never designed to represent a charitable endeavor. I think you know the difference between a charity and a company, right? Suggesting he should give 10% of all his earnings to charity is akin to a church tithe. This argument is, of course, ridiculous, in the business world, unless there is an explicit and public vow to do so, with a particular company's benefits.

Newman's Own and the Newman's Own Foundation represent Paul Newman's personal commitment to give away 100% of Newman's Own LLC profits to charity: the Foundation serves to direct the funds to the projects its trustees deem the most appropriate, according to the Foundation's values.

This is a different story and I also hope you know the difference between Great Glen Company, a business who wants to remain a business and a ground-breaking CSR commitment like Paul Newman's. Great Glen Company and MPC are separate projects - AN's loud involvement in both does not help, though, especially with an uneducated bigot, such as yourself, Anon.

Assuming he must give 100% of all his profits to charity is absolutely ridiculous, Anon. Why don't you give away all the profits of your lemonade stand to charity and set a blazing, luminous example in this fandom?

Unless you quickly substantiate what you wrote in anger on your phone, with links, facts and names, I am forced to tell you to kindly, slowly, but surely...

FUCK OFF MY PAGE!

[Later edit:] Should I start a US Tax Law 101 course for you, Anon? To me, this rather crude company/charity montage sounds legit. Also, MPC is not a charity, as shown in my previous post.

[ultraericthered]

One Villainous Scene: Cage Of Expectations

A brief one, but it gives so much insight and explains so much about the inner world of a character who, up to this point, was kept shrouded in mystery even though we all knew he was the villain, and also perfectly sets him up to make the decisions he ends up making.

While the later retcon tells us that Ken became a prodigious, genius boy due to a "Dark Spore" inplanted in him by accident that only "went off" when he visited the Dark Ocean, the whys and hows aren't really crucial to understanding Ken's story at this point: he's a star student, star athlete, and even something of a young celebrity within the world of science and computers. Because he is so well known and renowned, he's given plenty of filmed interviews like we see him doing here. After the interview is done, the headmaster of Ken's school comes over to him to offer congragulatory words...and then in a very shady move, whispers to Ken the offer to tutor his daughter in her studies over at his place so that she can excell in her grades at his school, saying he'd reward Ken handsomely for it. Ken plays the "I'm just a kid, I ain't THAT good" card, which makes the principal start to back off...but then he turns back around and asks the disgruntled Ken for an autograph. Turns out that beyond mere corruption and nepotism practices, the headmaster was pestering Ken about these things because his daughter's a fangirl of Ken. This does not please Ken. Who do some plain, unexceptional, low IQ girl and her plain, unexceptional, low IQ father think they are asking him for favors like this? Such matters are far below his time and efforts.

(In the English dub, this interaction is changed to some nonsense about the headmaster wanting Ken over to help him win at a video game called "Donkey Madness" prior to getting the autograph. The effect on Ken is the same, but I think it takes a lot out of the scene.)

Ken is then seen at dinner with his parents, who are acting all congragulatory and gushing over their son's interview and how smart he is and how maturely he presents himself. Yeah, they're really shitty parents. Much as they do love their son and loved his late brother, their love for the idea of being the parents of a special genius child enraptures them so much that they lose sight of what's really best for their child and his needs as a human being, and they coast off the achievements and reputation of their child without really giving back to him in any substantial way. Ken isn't really pleased with the way they interact with him either, so he gets up and leaves the table.

Then comes the big moment. An image that says so much even when so little is said (again, in the original. The dub butchered it by having Ken internally ramble the whole way, which not even Derek Stephen Prince can really save.) Ken's on the roof of his apartment building, standing in front of a barred fence. He can see the entire city from here, a city filled with mediocre people who he considers to be completely beneath him, but who will always look to exploit his gifts and use whatever he accomplishes for their own benefit, and will feel alright about themselves for doing nothing, being nothing. Ken would love nothing more than to abuse, bully, enslave, torture, or even kill the whole lot of them...but he's far too intelligent to not know better. He knows that the rules of civil society prohibit him from acting freely upon those cruel urges, making him have to conform and comply with the regulations set by lesser people. He, a Chosen One, a "perfect human", has to just sit there and take it like a good little boy, to not werewolf and go wild on these people. He's trapped. Caged like a rare breed of animal rather than the god he believes himself to be. The bars he grabs onto represents this cage, and all he can do here is snarl and shout out to city below him "INSECTS!"

But of course we know that there's a place Ken goes to where he can actually live his wildest fantasies, and act as he would naturally prefer to act towards lesser beings completely free of repercussions. The world he believes is one large MMORPG that exists for his pleasure. The Digital World, where he asserts himself as the Digimon Kaiser. And it's at this point where he starts to call that place home.

[duchess-of-mandalore]

SSTW (Re)Read: Chapters 1–4

She Said the Word - A Star Wars: The Clone Wars AU

Here we go! Spoilers are fair game on my reflection posts, so your best bet is just to read the chapters first! But for now, I'm keeping my reflections fairly general.

First off … I legitimately think this is the first time in years that I sat down to actually read a fic of substantial length, and that feels so good.

Second, I’m so glad to get back into this world. I remember how excited I was when I first started reading these first few chapters of SSTW (before I knew the author) and I couldn’t believe that someone was writing exactly the fic that I always wanted to read (and at the time … the height of social distancing … was busting out a lengthy chapter nearly every day!).

Right from the start, I loved the characters because just as in canon, their quest is for their vocations and that’s why they’re so compelling: Satine … who’s found her purpose but hoping for a partner who will live it out with her, Obi-Wan … who’s grown up in an order of monks devoted to service but who struggles to find his place in that world and believe he’s worthy, Qui-Gon … who doesn’t fault Obi-Wan for seeking his purpose outside of the Order, and the kiddos … Korkie, Lily, and Ani … who give their parents more purpose than they can handle (even apart from rebuilding a war-torn civilization).

One of the most fascinating parts of rereading these chapters is seeing just how different I think both the author and I view the Jedi now in comparison to 2020, when SSTW was first written. In these chapters, you definitely see what I would now call “misguided stereotypes” against the Jedi – seen in things like Satine’s accusation (and Obi-Wan’s grudging agreement) than the Jedi ignore their emotions – but at the time, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

Thankfully, @tessiete and others set us straight, but my question to @the-obi-wan-for-me is this: if you were writing SSTW today, what would you change about the portrayal of the Jedi in these first couple of chapters? Would you portray the Jedi’s handling of Anakin after Qui-Gon’s death any differently, even if there's still some justification from TPM for believing there were those who were against him being trained as a padawan?

ALSO! In Chapter 4, we get the first glimpse of most beloved Tol'ket. For the author: what was your initial plan for Tol'ket? Did you have any idea that he'd grow to have such an important place in this story?

[zahri-melitor]

Blade Runner, The Matrix and Robins: if you want to run a conspiracy in your story you need to put in the work

One of the central conspiracies people like to speculate about in Blade Runner is the theory of whether Deckard is a Replicant. It's a high-context theory woven into the plot and cinematography of the film. (I'm aware various people, decades on, have 'confirmed' it's true; I don't think that's particularly relevant to this).

The reason why the theory is so compelling for audiences to discuss is that the film in itself poses the question 'what is a human' and sends the main character, Rick Deckard, on a hunt for those clues and mistakes that give away the Replicants he is looking for. Things like Deckard's evasion over whether he's ever taken a Voight-Kampff test, and moments that suggest implanted and shared memories make for a fun second level mystery for viewers to think about and solve. The unicorn dream sequence, with both the dream and silver foil unicorn, provides another pointer for audiences to consider the idea. Even the Replicant Red Eye moments are subtle clues that get called out via the broader focus on eyes.

What also helps the debate and hunt for this potential symbolism is Ridley Scott's reputation as a director who heavily goes for visual cinematography hints and altering stories by changing them in Director's Cuts.

Similarly, The Matrix has a conspiracy that the real world is another level within the Matrix. This one is easy to understand how it developed. The Matrix, as a film, invests a substantial amount of its runtime teaching its audience the clues used to distinguish the Matrix from the real world. We get explicit scenes like The Girl in the Red Dress and explanations of how déjà vu works to demonstrate alterations in the Matrix. We see how characters can alter the Matrix to their own ends, leading into moments in the trilogy where Neo appears to use those skills in the real world being able to be read as 'are we still in the Matrix?'

The thing is: neither movie fully commits to these readings. They're possibilities that audiences can read in, that feel like they've been woven into the plot for people to consider. The audience is drawn to ask the question via the way the hints/clues are found in things the audience is already directed to consider. At their worst, they're artefacts of the audience taking the themes of those films and extrapolating too far.

My feeling about Robins as a comic is that Tim Seeley and Baldemar Rivas want to suggest one of these conspiracy theory stories, but did not have the skill to convincingly pull it off.

One of my difficulties the entire way through the comic was that the story did not know when it was set, and indeed repeatedly suggested via both dialogue and art that it was set in very different periods.

Robins takes place at least partially in a generated overlay from information based on Bruce's notes on the five Robins and also on various criminals. It's trying to take the log entries from Gotham Knights #1-11 and extrapolate that concept out to 'what if having this went wrong for Bruce'. (And I shouldn't really be surprised that Seeley chose to do this: Seeley is very big fan of Devin Grayson's work in the Bat books and frequently chooses to reference it)

The markers used for this simulation are firstly the level reward bonuses, and secondly the singing robin (that apparently uses the wrong call).

In that light, you could argue that problems like characters wearing the wrong costumes, from non-matching eras, and holding views that don't really accord with those characters is supposed to be a series of hints about the resolution of the title, rather than a set of weird screw ups that involve suggestions that the team didn't both checking details.

My issue is that it doesn't feel earned. If Seeley and Rivas really did want to hint and direct their audiences into reading that the presentation, comments and impressions of each of the Robins in their story were wholly based on Bruce's conception of them, then I think those discontinuities should match each other more clearly within each character.

Take Tim for a moment: he wears his original 1990s Robin costume; is the opponent of Damian's 'gauntlet' (a period in which he was wearing his all red Robin costume); has his overlay stolen for a rant about how Tim things the Obeah Man and other villains should die in a way that explicitly references Red Robin #26 (his post-Crisis Red Robin period); and gets specifically removed from the story and trapped in a way that he has to direct others to find him and try to escape himself (suggestions of both the Ünternet and more specifically Mr Oz during Tynion's Tec run). These do not match. If we're supposed to think Bruce is hung up on a specific conception of Tim, and a particularly backward-looking one (which you would assume, given he's put in his earliest Robin costume), why don't the other elements match? Why not put him in his all-red Robin costume to hint that he's Damian's gauntlet? Why not put him in one of his Red Robin costumes if you're going to keep referring to him as Red Robin, and that Bruce's worries about him relate to specific events in that period? And why, if the early Robin costume is supposed to reference Tim's own 'gauntlet', then is he the only character wearing his original costume from the storyline?

And what does not help with this is that Seeley has several obvious screw ups. The most prominent one is he conflates Rite of Passage with Batman: Identity Crisis. The Obeah Man was the villain of Rite of Passage for Bruce, where he was hunting him down to save the Drakes. Tim's personal combatant during that story was tracking down Lonnie as Moneyspider. The storyline where Tim showed the skills and personal judgement that made Bruce decide that he was ready to be Robin was in Identity Crisis, which was a story rescuing Bruce and Vicky Vale from Scarecrow. While the stories are sequels to each other, they're not a contiguous whole: they take part in different titles, with a gap in time between them. Similarly, Seeley places Felipe Garzonas' death as Jason's first case as Robin, rather than his last case.

The whole concept of the 'gauntlets' is the underlying thread holding the story together, the aspect on which Bruce's analysis of each of the Robins and whether he wants to work with them is based, leading to the computer files, leading to the entire plot.

If you mess up like that, audiences are less likely to grant that you're trying to build hints in that something is wrong by having things be noticeably mismatching, because you've also screwed up the ground on which you're trying to construct the story. You cannot fairly claim that the incongruities you put in to hint at your plot are something that should be analysed as clues when you've already primed your audience to think that you're just a hack making blatant mistakes.

And this problem extends to all of the characters, not just Tim. Tim's just the easiest for me to pick apart because I know the references made so well (and Tim Seeley clearly doesn't actually care as much about Tim as several other characters, making the oopsies more obvious).

The issue with this story isn't simple single-panel moments like "And I need to hear it from you, Tim, because Jason and Damian lie through their teeth" or Tim saying he "demanded" to be Robin where people can dunk on it by showing another panel like the Teen Titans 2003 "I lie to Batman" panel or ALPOD. It's in the fact it tries to be clever but doesn't earn audiences' trust to do that analysis. And it doesn't earn that trust because you can't pick apart what's a deliberate incongruity as a hint from what's a general mistake from the team, and if you do pick at elements that look like outright mistakes, the whole thing comes tumbling down.

Blade Runner and The Matrix train their audiences from the very start of the story to look for these incongruities and hints and showcase what problems to look for openly in the plot, leading to people to heavily analyse background details for further suggestions of these hints. They earn the buy in that leads to the elaborate fan theories.

Tim Seeley forfeited his audience's buy in to the story he apparently was trying to tell by not being exact enough about the details in a story where he wanted them to pick at those details, and not showing early enough that the audience is expected to be picking at those details. And that's just poor writing and biting off more than you can chew.

[whiskers-my-beloved]

Hi! Not sure if you already read it before, there's an interview of Kenichi Iwao, old writer and designer for RE1. He mentioned about his idea of Wesker as a person which I thought pretty interesting. I'm not keen posting on my personal acc, I hope I don't bother you https://www.crimson-head.com/interviews/kenichi-iwao

Q: What is the full story of Wesker including his ultimate goal and duties in the mansion as researcher and chief security officer?

KI: I imagined that he was in a special forces setting. Unmarried with no siblings, but was born into an ordinary American middle-class family. However, he was already too formed and believed the world to be worthless. He was a genius with scant feelings. He enjoyed ordinary family vacations, even displayed excellent grades in sport, but his heart was always cold and he was acting to blend himself into society. He was a clear-headed but tragic individual lacking human emotions. The only way he could live was to self-affirm his intense elitism.

Wesker was using the giant organization Umbrella and had his own separate ambition to create a second humanity of his own design. For that reason he believed that the Tyrant, which produces the Tyrant Virus, would also be useful as a resource to threaten Umbrella. Umbrella's aim was to sell the Tyrant to every country as a weapon and take advantage of every nation's weakness and substantially control them, but as they advanced that plan, Wesker aimed for another objective... To filter humanity using the Tyrant... he was scheming mass extinction and forced evolution. Ultimately the Tyrant was going to gain the ability to manipulate the virus and design living things. It was a “Creator.”

So to Iwao's vision in early days, Wesker has been always a disturbing nutjob from the start, even before his new background "Wesker children" came to existence in RE5. Even RE1 novel written by SD Perry, Wesker is described as someone who brings a something-is-not-right kind of feeling towards anyone with a decent sense of intuition, mainly Chris and Jill, even though he acts "normal" outside. And he's also enamoured with tyrant, your comic is spot on when you focus on Wesker's obsession with tyrant haha

Hello there! First of all thank you so much for this ask. And apologize for taking so long so answer you anon ;×;

And you could never bother me anon! It's all okay, I really don't mind getting asks (as my bio says, asks open) and if you all like to be anons instead of using your mains to ask that's all okay too ❤️

This was very interesting. Albert Wesker from back then RE1 to know changed a lot I feel. He didn't feel particular special back then in re1. He was just a guy that was stupid enougg to get killed by his creation. Well he didn't make T-002 personally I think.

All the added backstory for him is cool don’t get me wrong. The whole bit about him being a Wesker child , how much of a bastard Spencer was. He got a living sister and a son too. Shame we never got too see any of them on screen together ;×;

With my wesker x tyrant reader comic I wanted to show how of an obsession he has with them. I played the og RE1 and he really gave me the vibe that he *really* cares for it. And the way he died was so pathetic...like man I would feel bad for him if the translation and voice acting weren't so bad.

The outwordly normal guy but reqlly fucked up on the inside is really cool to me. They were all surpised about his betray and pissed. So he wasn’t a bad captain to his team. If only the game wasn’t so bad at showing this. I am pretty sure most people understood he was the bad guy, the way he dressed and acted were so sus. How I wish the game tried to hide it harder that Wesker was the main bad guy ;×;

Anyways, I do think that given the chance he would create a new tyrant that listens to himm 100%. Worst case and it goes berserk he killd it and restarts again. The tyrant reader in the comic got lucky in a way. Wesker thought it was a failure at first glance. Turns out the tyrant reader had fallen inlove with him

[coraniaid]

Anyway, here are seven episodes of Buffy which I'd have given Amy Madison a cameo in.

The goal isn't to change the plot of any of these episodes substantially or to change Amy's overall arc (such as it is). Rather the idea is to do just enough work to make Amy feel like a recurring character with the weight of, say, pre-S6 Jonathan Levinson or pre-AtS Harmony Kendall. Somebody who is stil clearly a minor character, but who feels a lot more thought out than Amy herself often does.

I think you can do that with just a few strategically chosen cameos. Here are my picks:

1) S1E12 Prophecy Girl

Prophecy Girl brings back Jenny Calendar (previously only seen in I Robot, You Jane) and the previous week Out of Sight, Out of Mind had brought back Harmony (previously only seen in The Harvest). Both Harmony and Jenny would go on to be popular recurring characters, and I think making a second appearance in the first season would do wonders for Amy as well.

While I'm at it, I'd slightly rework Cordelia's story this episode -- cutting out her doomed boyfriend Kevin, who replaces Out of Sight, Out of Mind's Mitch without explanation and will never be mentioned again; and the slightly uncharacteristic friendly way in which Willow and Cordelia treat each other this episode. In my version of the episode, it would be Amy who roped Willow in to help set up the sound system at the Bronze for the Spring Fling, and it would be some of Amy's friends that they found murdered by vampires in the Audio-Visual Club.

(I wouldn't rob Cordelia of any of her other scenes, of course: she'd still get to drive her car through the school halls and bite a vampire.)

I think adding Amy like this would serve to remind the viewer that (i) Amy exists; (ii) Amy and Willow are friends; (iii) even with her mother gone, horrible things keep happening to Amy Madison.

2) S2E01 When She Was Bad

Nothing fancy here; just a quick establishing scene at some point to remind us Amy still exists (in the same way Larry makes a cameo at the beginning of Season 3). Have her show up at the library and ask if any of the gang have seen Jenny Calendar, because she's meant to be teaching a class but nobody's seen her all day, maybe? Rather than the approach that canon takes, where nobody seems to realize Jenny has been kidnapped at all, even though we know she was captured at least a day before Buffy goes to rescue Cordelia (and the gang spend all of that day at school, where Jenny Calendar should be working...).

Again, the point of this addition is to mainly remind the audience that Amy exists, but we're also setting up the idea that Amy might eventually look to learn more than computer science from Ms. Calendar.

3) S2E06 Halloween

Just one scene here as well: Amy commiserating with Buffy and the others, and admitting that Snyder "volunteered" her to go out accompanying kids that evening as well. The point being that we see that Amy has dressed up as a witch for Halloween...

(We wouldn't see Amy again all episode, and we wouldn't know whether she got her costume from Ethan's, but down the line the idea that Amy might have gotten a bit of a head start as a witch from her experiences this episode -- in the same way Xander remembered some of his military knowledge -- could definitely be a fun fan theory.)

If anybody asks Amy if she's comfortable dressing up as a witch after what her mother did, maybe she can reference back to the attack on the AV club or Ms. Calendar being kidnapped and suggest that she knows now that there are worse things in the world than witches...

4) S3E02 Dead Man's Party

OK, if I were rewriting this episode I'd find it hard not to make bigger changes. At the very least, I'd want to have a few more scenes from the POV of characters other than Buffy (so that there's less of a sense of Buffy's friends all treating her horribly for no reason). And who better for Willow to be pouring her frustrations out to than her fellow fledgling witch Amy?

Give Amy a line about "missing Ms. Calendar too" as well, and Willow's final speech to Buffy about spending the summer "trying to communicate with the spirit world" take on an interesting subtext.

5) S3E09 The Wish

This is an interesting one because I'm half-convinced Amy was meant to be in this epsiode anyway. It's the only episode before Amy gets ratted in which she's mentioned on screen (Willow tells us that she's heard some gossip about Cordelia from Amy, which is -- in canon, anyway -- the first indication we get in the whole show that Amy and Willow have started hanging out).

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Nancy's role this episode (in the alternate Wish dimension) wasn't originally meant to go to Amy. That's how I'd play it, anyway. (Of course, if Buffy didn't come to Sunnydale she wouldn't have been around to save Amy from her mom. But I think that's easy enough to fix: just throw in a line about Amy being grateful to Giles and the other Whte Hats for "saving her" from some unspecific fate, and make sure to establish that this version of Amy can't do magic.)

Of course, this Amy would have the same fate as Nancy -- fittingly, killed by Willow -- but I don't think we'd need to have that happen off-screen the way it does in the actual episode.

6) S5E22 Grave

I really don't think Amy's abrupt descent into magical drug addict works ... well, at all. So I'd like to see a much bigger change to her arc after being de-ratted (something like @idle-flower suggests here, for example). I just don't think her villain arc this season makes any sense (and I know it robs Willow of a lot of the moral agency she should have at this point).

Failing that sort of change, though, I'd at least like Amy's mini-arc this season to .. resolve? She gets the door slammed on her face by Willow all the way back in Doublemeat Palace and then we never see her again. We don't even know if she's staying with her dad, or if her dad left town, or what. How is she surviving at all? At least throw in a scene of Amy discovering whatever's left of Rack and looking angry and vengeful about it, surely? Remind us she exists, and that things aren't going great for her.

7) S7E12 The Killer In Me

You might object to this one on the grounds that Amy is already in this episode.

The thing is though, I'm not sure that episode's writers remember that she is? Amy is outed as being responsible for Willow's predicament, Kennedy promises to stop her, Amy snaps her fingers -- teleporting Kennedy away -- and ... that's it. That's the last we hear from, or about, Amy Madison. Not just in the episode, but in the whole show. She doesn't suffer any consequences, she never gets a face to face confrontation with Willow, there's no obvious reason why she wouldn't be free to try again and again. Surely we can do better than that?

At least give us a scene of Amy fleeing Sunnydale ahead of the First's wave of destruction, or reacting to Willow getting her own body back. Something that we can pretend amounts to closure for a character who has, after all, been a part of the show since the third ever episode. Even if her continued appearance on the show, season after season, wasn't ever something the writers conciously planned.

[no-less-than-a-god]

The Lamb watches Narinder, freshly dressed in the familiar red of follower robes, standing among the grass encircling the cult’s many crypts. It was one of the few areas heavy with foot traffic that hadn’t been reduced to dirt or replaced by a walkway, and the grass there is always a healthy, soft green, the nutrients to grow taken from the bodies laid to rest nearby.

And there, Narinder stands, looking down at the grass beneath his feet. The Lamb approaches, hand on the bell around their neck to silence it, and upon closer inspection they see the fur around the exposed parts of his body twitching. His back is to them, and they can see his tail jerking randomly as it sways back and forth languidly.

Not mad, then, but something else.

The Lamb joins Narinder at his side before they drop the hand on their bell and choose to speak. “Are you troubled?” they ask, and take in Narinder’s unveiled face as his neck snaps his head to meet their gaze.

He looks…confused. Mildly uncomfortable. His ears are halfway to being pinned against his head, and his nose is furrowed. Upon meeting the Lamb’s gaze, however, the features on his face smooth out slightly, and his ears come forward.

“It’s foreign,” is what Narinder quietly answers, “the feeling of grass beneath my feet. I had forgotten what it felt like.”

The Lamb doesn’t reply to his words, taking the admission with a heavy weight in their heart. They wonder, chest aching, how much of the world had their god forgotten?

“It’s soft,” Narinder comments, “I have not yet grown accustomed to this feeling, but I think it’s one I may enjoy.”

“I am pleased to hear that,” the Lamb finally speaks, a sigh following their words. They turn their gaze from Narinder to the earth beneath them. “The grass here is always fresh, for the bodies I bury nearby keeps them healthy.”

“It’s like the first time I held you in my claws.” The Lamb’s gaze snaps back to Narinder, eyes widening slightly, as Narinder continues speaking, his three red eyes locked onto the Lamb, who stands only inches shorter than him now. “I was unused to holding such a small creature, so warm and soft. It was first strange, but progressed into something I found myself seeking when you were there.”

“I see.” The Lamb subtly bowed their head. “I apologize for not being able to let you experience that again, now.”

Both of their sizes had changed when the crown halved itself; Narinder had shrunk substantially into a height more mortal in appearance, and the Lamb had grown taller, horns lengthening and splitting at the base to grow a second pair of points. Narinder still stood taller, but nowhere near enough to hold the Lamb like he was used to.

“You apologize for naught, Lamb,” Narinder replies, eyes narrowing. He’s long stopped twitching from the grass, and he stands proud, confident, despite only having half of what he used to deem his own. “I have much preference for being free of that realm and at this size.” His mouth remains open, to say something more, but then he hesitates, and eventually shuts his jaw to look away.

The Lamb smiles, understanding. “I see.”

“Go seek your flock, Vessel,” Narinder replies, his whole body turning away from them. “I’m sure they have need of you.”

“They most likely will.” The Lamb begins to step away, but turns back to Narinder after a few steps to add, “I will return for you in a few hours time, if you remain here.”

Narinder says nothing, but the flick of his tail tells the Lamb that he had heard. They turn again, and walk back to the more populated areas of the settlement, where a rabbit immediately approaches them.

And true to their word, the Lamb returns as the sun starts to set, where they find Narinder on his back in the grass with his arms spread wide, the top half of his robe untied and pooling around his waist. His eyes are closed, and his chest is rising and falling slowly, his half of the crown clasped lazily in one of his hands. He looks asleep, but the Lamb knows better.

They approach, letting their bell signal their arrival. As they stop in front of Narinder’s head, shadowing the sun from his face, his eyes crack open to find the Lamb’s gaze already on him.

“I was left undisturbed after you left,” he says tranquilly. “Did you, perhaps, alert your followers not to pass this area for some unspecified reason?”

“I did not,” the Lamb lies. “This part of the cult grounds are simply not as traversed as the rest.”

Narinder gives them a knowing look, eyes gleefully narrowing, but he says nothing.

aka the first time Narinder touches grass after being freed from his chains (he likes it)

[physalian]

On keeping a short story short

Today is release day on all other ebook platforms for my new novella! Woo!

And since Tell Me How Long is a novella, I thought I’d talk about the process, and how it wasn’t always meant to be so short. This is not for drabbles or ficlets and one-shots, but somewhere between 15-30k words.

—

I do not write short stories outside of fanfic, and I only write short fanfics (5-30k words) because I don’t have the attention span to stick with writing someone else’s characters anymore. Odds are, if I don’t hammer out the entire 30k word fanfic in one/two sittings, I’m never going to finish writing it.

And fanfic is where my new novella came from, or at least the fanfic mindset. I had writer’s block so I pulled some characters from an existing WIP of mine and tossed them into a new setting for fun to still keep writing.

This is also how my debut novel started but that blew up from “I’ll try to keep this at an 80k word one-off” to “wait hold on I can make this a trilogy” to “wait wait to tell this story properly it needs to be a quadrilogy”.

Short original fiction really isn’t my thing.

My new novella only remained a novella because I hit the 30k word plateau, got bored, and put it away for a long time, a couple years. But the thing is, every so often I’d go back and I’d reread my favorite scene from it and think “damn I wrote this? It was so good!”

And after all the work and hype of getting my first novel out after a 7-month sprint start to finish, I’d immediately rushed in to the sequel, figured out that my book 2 plot has to shift entirely to book 3, and my “deleted scenes” is one again far longer than the narrative I have working.

So. I went back to my little unfinished fanfic. And thought, ‘let me spread this around and just see if these first few parts is compelling enough to continue.’

And the feedback I got back was that the part I had already edited was good enough to stand on its own, with some reworking of the ending.

All my hazy plans of giving the characters full arcs and time to develop and drama, angst, possibly even romance, got axed.

What I ended up with in the final draft is 22k words, with eight core characters, 3 of which do not speak. There was no time to give anyone except the MC an in-depth arc, no time for side-plots, no time for anything except what was immediately happening along the primary storyline.

…and I really like it? It’s not overcomplicated with layers of narrative, but it is packed with thematic depth, stand-out character beats, as much personality as I could cram into 8 characters, only one of which is present for all six chapters.

It is a very lean story, but it’s exactly what it sets out to be.

The thing is that short fanfics have the advantage of not needing setup and establishment of characters and relationships, when it’s already in the canon. Short stories can’t be that complex in plot when time has to be spent making the reader invested in the characters, first.

Short stories can be 20k words of fluff… but I recently read one that was exactly ~35k words of fluff and I kept waiting for it to get more interesting or complex or tell me something substantial about the world and characters and it just didn’t. It absolutely read like a cliche fanfic of the author’s pre-existing characters from a much better and bigger story, not something worth buying separately with real money.

So here's some things to consider, while recognizing that the diversity possible within a short story’s premise is virtually limitless. These are just things that I was thinking about when revising what I thought was going to be ⅓ of a whole book into its own thing.

Nearly every single scene is focused on something new. It’s a very small setting for 4/6ths of the story—one research boat—but characters never retread old points of conversation. The ongoing ethics debate keeps evolving, and even when the placement of characters is stagnant, what they’re doing is always changing, so the story keeps progressing very quickly.

Having 3 non-speaking characters meant I could justify having the audience know very little about them. Since they were limited to rudimentary Sign and drawings, every single one of their lines had to be important information. Zero room for fluff and wasted effort when it takes them so much effort to communicate.

There may only be an A Plot that every character is working toward, but it is still multifaceted. A plot being: We need to save this sick mer.

In the background, there’s the ethical dilemma participated in by all speaking characters. There’s the MC’s frustrations over the world’s apathy toward saving the oceans. There’s getting to know the other mer characters. There’s teaching the other mer Sign and written word. There’s the threat of discovery, the actual medical efforts and tension over whether they’ll succeed, and some questions that characters have had unanswered for years. Not a single paragraph is wasted and every single scene relates to the main theme in some way.

In many ways, it’s written with the same mindset that I’d approach a massive 100k word novel, but missing any consideration for the world beyond the immediate conflict. I don’t even have a villain, only time, nihilism, and insufficient medicine.

So if you’re like me, and you can’t help but make long epics and keep coming up with new subplots, new conflicts… try your hand at something that forces you to be efficient, doing as much as possible with as little words as possible, and you might surprise yourself.

—

If you’re not friendly with Amazon, here is every other ebook platform I’m able to list it on at this time. Including: Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Everand, Thalia, Smashwords, Angus & Robertson, Vivlio, Palace, and Fable.

[tatanote]

Day 15 - 31 Jan 2025

Core Report:

Hours spent: 5h 10m

Completed tasks: 12 tasks

Free Reading: The Woman in the Dunes, by Kōbō Abe

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about where I am and where I’m headed—dealing with setbacks, trying to regain my footing, and making sense of it all. I’m writing about breaking out of autopilot, finding small wins, and slowly piecing things together again. And in the end, like in my previous short posts, I will mention three good things about the day and a song.

It's been over a month since I last wrote here, and I'm finally here to do what I promised. I spent most of this time in the hospital because of my grandfather's deteriorating health, and he's still not fully recovered. I hope this cycle of unexpected appointments will wrap up within the next two weeks, depending on his condition. Originally, I had planned to post daily updates on my studies for 30 days, and I’m restarting that now. But honestly, I feel like I should put my energy into bigger goals and more meaningful updates—especially in real life. Small dopamine boosts from tiny achievements are nice, but investing time and energy in something substantial feels more rewarding. Don't you think so?

At this point, the only reason I see for continuing these updates is my commitment to that 30-day goal I set for myself. But I do enjoy the social interactions that come with them—even if it’s just seeing a little tapping heart from a friend-like blog. Working alone can feel isolating, and sharing my work here gives me some sense of connection. Maybe that’s part of why I keep doing it.

The next challenge is getting back up after setbacks. For nearly two years, I felt like I was dead—not literally, but close enough. One day, I looked around and saw how much negativity had taken over my mind. I wasn’t exercising, wasn’t taking care of myself, was withdrawing from people, and was jeopardizing my own stability. No one wants bad outcomes, but it’s so easy to slip into autopilot and let life just happen to you. So I started working on my struggles, bit by bit. My biggest recent success? Lowering my BDC grade—the scale used to measure depression. How? It involved a lot of effort, many small steps, and countless failures. I want to write a full blog post on that someday, in case it might help someone else.

The first thing I worked on was building a safe and warm space inside my mind. When I finally recognized myself in the darkness, I realized how long it had been since I truly lived. Why wasn’t I dreaming like before? Why wasn’t I playing? Why had I given up my fighting spirit? Why wasn’t I paying attention to the world’s beauty like I used to? Why wasn’t I chasing wonder? Why was I avoiding the things I loved? Why wasn’t I taking care of my health? These questions, as always, sparked something in me. Of course, they weren’t the only things that helped me get here, but they were part of the process.

I don’t know about you, but curiosity has always been my guiding light—even in my darkest moods. It reaches for me at just the right moment, like an extended hand. That was another sign. So I started experimenting—moving toward the light in spontaneous but intentional ways, and even creating my own artificial light when I needed to. Since my last update on January 5th, until now, February 2nd, I’ve seen both small and big changes within myself. I can see them in my steps, in my shadow, in the way I process sadness, and in how I interact with my patterns. But it’s still not enough. My wounds are still active, still producing something within me. And I still don’t present the kind of social image that makes me feel like I’ve truly arrived anywhere yet.

I need to find a proper job and return to academic studies. A job—because I need money. I don’t want to be homeless, constantly worrying about food and rent. And education—because, no matter what else I am, deep down, a Ravenclaw lives inside me. If I’m not learning, I wither. My heart aches for the core of who I am.

There are more reasons too.

I want to listen to more amazing pieces of music.

I want to visit unknown places.

I want to meet more fascinating people.

I want to discover better books.

I want to taste more delicious food.

I want to complete more tasks and improve my skills and knowledge.

I want to understand myself better and deeper.

I want to give something back to the world and be of some use.

I want to experience more of nature’s marvels.

I want to love and be loved in return.

I want to fall into a well-earned, satisfied sleep after days filled with passion and excitement.

I want to ... ♾️

This post ended up being brutally honest. I hope it wasn’t too much. More than that, I hope it was useful in some way. Maybe someone will read this and feel a little less alone. And yes, in the end, we fight for ourselves and for the things we care about. It's possible to reach sunrise, even after the darkest nights, by using only our bare hands.

Also—sorry for the way I use English. I still have a long way to go before my sentences flow effortlessly.

Three Good/Beautiful Things of the Day

I got a scarf from my grandmother, soft and white like a feather. It feels like a magical charm that gives me strength.

I left my books on a hospital waiting room chair while speaking to the nurse. When I returned, the patients’ companions were reading them. It made me happy to have unknowingly encouraged them to pick up a book.

It was midnight, and the streets were empty and soaked from the rain. Walking felt good, and the taste of hot chocolate made it even better.

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Dying Light [Chapter One] Choking [Bi-Han/Sub-Zero]

A/n: this first chapter took a bit longer than intended. I'd like to thank those who voted, regarding the reader's magic. Thank you so much. Also, I added some aspects from previous games to fill out the plot for the first half a little. Please enjoy.

Tag List: @genesiswrld

Warning(s): arranged marriage au, female reader, cliches, fighting, blood, magic, and family drama.

No Minors Allowed!!

In your youth, new to the ways of the world, you were told about your inescapable fate; that when your clan began its new era, you alone would be the key to its tomorrow. 

The clan was dying off, a has-been of the past. It could not survive another century of change in a world that had no use for it or its teachings. There was no way to preserve them. To keep its lineage from fading into history, your family had no choice but to unite with another clan. 

This was where you would come in.  

When the time was right, you would be wedded to a clan head, and your clan, its strongest and most capable fighters, would merge with them, starting anew. However, this foretold life did not sit well with you. It was not fair. 

For years, you trained with a Grandmaster of martial arts, and then with your father’s consent you were given the Amulet of Damashi, an ancient heirloom passed down through your clan; one capable of substantial magic, enough so that you hoped to call off the merger. Yet, your longings and sacrifices were not enough.   

Your fate was set in stone. But still, you did all you could to draw attention to your clan, and for another year, all was well. 

Until one autumn afternoon. 

Sitting on a balcony at the far end of the main house, you occupy your time with a humorously erotic book brought from the city; it is cliche but you can not seem to put it down. 

As you are lost in the plot, a retainer wearing the clan’s insignia suddenly approaches you from the doorway and bows in respect. 

“Forgive my intrusion, honorable–”

You raise your hand and interrupt him; his immediate silence makes you hum in thanks. Whatever he has to say does not interest you, but you know that he is simply doing as someone ordered him to. Even so, you dislike being called away from your alone time. You continue to read in silence until you reach the end of the page, then you avert your eyes to him.

“It's unsettling when stories are left on cliffhangers,” you state. Resting the book in your lap, you motion for him to continue.  

 

The man bows again. 

“The Master sent me to retrieve you.”

You hum. 

“What reason does he need me for?”

If it is not urgent then he can wait until you have had your lesson with your master for the day. 

The retainer rests his arms at his sides and leans up.  

“To greet the honored guest who is waiting within the front courtyard. He came from Arctika to see you.” 

Honored guest. From the tundra region. 

Your eyes widen in realization. It can not be. 

Father brought him here.  

With a frustrated groan, you stand and rush past the retainer and through the main house to the inner courtyard.

I should have known. 

The servants had cleaned and prepared the main house the night before but you ignored the action, thinking your mother was just being choosy again. You had no idea that your parents were keeping secrets from you.

You manage to squeeze through the throng of clansmen in the inner courtyard until you are at the front, and then you rush to stand beside your father, giving him a heated look.   

“It is nice of you to join us,” he says with a serious tone. Taking the book from your hand, he grimaces at the title and hands it to your mother, who is beside him. 

“You gave me no other option,” you retort. 

Your mother sighs. 

“Had we, you would have found a way to vanish before your fiance arrived. It was the lesser of two evils, dear. Understand this.” 

You do, but it does not make it right.

I've never even seen him before.

“Send him away,” you implore. “We do not need to–”

“Your opinion is unneeded,” your father sneers. He gives you a look that warns you to keep your mouth shut.

An air of gloom and disappointment surrounds you. After what you have done, he and your mother do not seem to appreciate it. You take an uneasy breath and clutch the white and gold amulet attached to your side. Did achieving this mean nothing? 

It certainly feels so. Even after making an effort to master it, they pushed this merge in secret. 

Who is he? Your parents certainly trust in him. You want to know. 

Under your father’s orders, the guards open the doors to the southeastern entrance, and inside walks a group of what appears to you to be assassins dressed in similar attire, sporting a color scheme of blue and black. Some of them wear hoods over their heads, while all of them have their mouths covered, as well as the man in the lead.  

He must be their clan head.  

My fiance.

He is certainly handsome, with defined well-built curves and muscles that strain against the thin fabric of his twilight blue tabard. Even so, there is an air of bitterness that surrounds him as he measures your clan.

You share his sentiments. 

Watching your father bow, you quickly do the same. 

“It is an honor to have you grace us with your presence, Bi-Han of the Lin Kuei,” your father states. 

Bi-Han follows suit.

“It was the former Grandmaster - my father - who had hoped to see this merge.” He pauses to stand. “If your clan is as strong as promised, then I too share his sentiments.”

His tone is deep and high-handed, not promising in your opinion. While a part of you is thankful to him for taking in the clan, the other part is irritated that this is a recruitment visit. 

I am merely the weight that comes with the contract, nothing more.

“I too have been eager for this day. It is a shame, however, that your father passed on before his time. He was a respected man.”

Bi-Han knits his brows. 

“The Lin Kuei are in capable hands.”

No one said otherwise. 

You sigh in dread. 

“Yes…well, allow me to introduce my family,” Your father awkwardly states. He motions to your mother first, then to you. “My wife and my daughter, your bride-to-be.” 

You visibly frown. Must he refer to you as such? Like it is a title. So not to enrage or embarrass him, you smile at the stranger, then give him your name. 

“It is…an honor to meet you.”

Bi-Han remains silent. He looks you over and then turns his attention back to your father. 

“The terms of the marital contract come after.”

Your father hums in agreement. 

“Of course. A demonstration of might is of high priority. But should we not wait for your brothers? I was informed that they would be journeying with you.”  

“Their presence here is nonessential,” Bi-Han states.

You wonder why. If they are anything like him, you are thankful for their absence. 

Hearing your father order the servants to prepare the blocks for the test, you along with your mother stand back as your father gathers the six best fighters and has them line up in the center of the courtyard. 

In the meantime, Bi-Han stands at a distance in front of them with the Lin Kuei on his right. 

Once the six are ready, standing over seventeen 1-inch thick reinforced concrete pavers, your father joins Bi-Han and gives the word for them to begin. One by one, the fighters strike the blocks dead center, breaking them with ease.

You grin with pride. Yes, they can break more, but there is no need to push them, so long as Bi-Han is baited. In the end, it will be his guidance that shapes them to their full potential. 

With his mask on, it is frankly hard to tell. You lean just a bit to see his expression but you can not. He does however cross his arms and hum. 

“Are they competent fighters?”

Your father laughs. Of course, they are. He calls on a man with deep-set eyes - a good choice. The fighter steps forward and bows.  

“This is one of our strongest. If you wish to test–”

“Let us not be hasty, leader,” a familiar raspy voice interrupts.

Your master, an elderly woman with sunken features, saunters out from the throng and approaches your father.

“Excuse my interruption, but your daughter is a competent fighter. Should she not be tested instead?”

You frown. What is she doing? Proving yourself is no issue, but must you do it for your fiance? It is the fighters he came to test. Though you suppose you are not against showing off your techniques.

“If it’s what you wish, Father, I will fight,” you state in confidence. 

“Is this acceptable, Bi-Han?” Your father asks.

The man in question knits his brows in thought and then nods. He snaps his fingers and a member of the Lin Kuei without a hood steps forward and bows. 

“Do not pull your punches,” Bi-Han orders. His keen brown eyes turn to you, as though he wants to measure your expression. 

You remain stoic. If he is eager to see your strength, then that is fine. With confidence, you saunter to the center of the courtyard. Soon, the young man chosen to be your challenger joins you, striking a fighting pose. You do the same. 

A deathly silence consumes the stage.

You are not certain who calls the fight, but the moment it begins, the assassin rushes at you, attempting to strike you with a series of fast kicks. You step back, avoiding them, and manage to catch his leg against your side. Using his momentum to pivot him the opposite way, you strike him in the back with a front kick.  

The assassin staggers forward but catches himself. When he faces your direction, you can see the aggravation in his eyes. He rushes at you with a shout, throwing punch after punch. You can hardly match his speed, blocking what you can with your arms and hands. But then his stance changes and with a hard-hitting mountain punch simultaneously to the chest and face, you stagger back. 

For fuck’s sake.

An intense pain lights you up, but you push through it and rush at him. You do not want to continue this spar; you want to end it quickly before he puts you on your ass. Springing off your foot, you pull off a flying scissor kick, wrapping your legs around his head. Using your momentum against him, you toss the assassin off his feet and onto his back. Then with a shout of irritation, you raise your leg straight into the air and slam your heel into his face, breaking his nose with a wet crunch. You quickly roll back onto your feet and step away from him.

The Lin Kuei are no joke. 

You had hoped that he would not stand, but he does. The thin cloth over his face stains red as he bleeds profusely. All this seems to do is annoy him further. He comes at you a third time in anger, aiming at you with a straight punch. His mistake. You dodge it with ease and grab his wrist, yanking him forward and off balance. Turning in quickly, you elbow him in the stomach, then toss him over your back and onto the ground with a sharp smack. 

Your slip-up, however, is assuming that he is ready to submit. As you advance, the assassin flips back onto his feet and punches you in the face.

Instantly you taste blood in your teeth. Running your tongue on the inside of your lip, you wince in pain. He busted it. 

Your blood boils. 

Pointing your hand behind the assassin, you draw a circle with your finger, and then a swirling black portal materializes. One of the techniques of the amulet is portal creation via space and time magic. You do not want to use it in such a spar, but it is necessary.

Connecting it to one at your feet, you leap into the portal and appear behind the assassin, catching him off guard. He turns, but you pivot and roundhouse-kick him in the face. Your foot connects with his chin and he goes down like a rock, motionless. 

You do not even realize it is over until you hear a round of applause. You win. Stepping over the body, you bow, peeking up at Bi-Han. He seems almost surprised.

“I was not aware that she was capable of magic,” he states, turning his wide eyes to the man beside him. 

You raise a bow. They did not tell him. 

Your father hums. 

“Let us discuss it over some tea.”

He spares no words of gratitude and motions for Bi-Han to follow him. While hesitant, the high-handed man gives you one last look before he follows your father into the main house.

You sigh and saunter toward your mother, who appears elated. 

“Incredible work. I believe that you have impressed him.” 

“I should hope so,” you state with a snap, a bit annoyed that you were kicked around like a ball by his fighter. 

All it took was a few bruises and a busted lip. 

Your mother sighs and offers you back the book she took.

“Tame your anger. Go and rest. Tomorrow is a new day.” 

You give her a look of irritation before you saunter to the main house. Your master looks on at you with pride as you pass, but you are in too much of a foul mood to share your appreciation with her. The fight took too long, in your opinion. 

At least you are at last excused from this fiasco. A part of you, however, is curious about what Bi-Han has to say about you now.

It stays on your mind well into the night.