#i like to think the changes to the world are so substantial that the setting just shifts to a less angsty action/adventure story

[sunderwight]

Liushen AU where SY transmigrates into SJ's older brother, and subsequently nopes them right out of the slavery backstory by using his general knowledge of the story and actually being an adult in a kid's body to just leave (basically) with SJ and YQ.

SY carts them both up to Cang Qiong for the next sect trials. It's actually not all that hard, the trickiest part is getting enough to eat and finding safe places to sleep between leaving the slavers and taking the trials (SY manages just barely, with considerable help from his new little brothers.) Nobody bothers to go after them because it's before Qiu Jianluo and this style of human traffickers mostly operate by virtue of their merchandise having nowhere else to go. Chasing down runaways is an expense not worth indulging, given that most of them either come straight back or die of exposure.

Anyway, they take the trials, and as expected YQY gets chosen to become a personal disciple for the sect leader, and SJ gets chosen by the Qing Jing Peak Lord, but also as (kind of) expected (by SY alone) nobody wants SY. He's older the Yue Qi, so too old, and unlike YQ and SJ his cultivation potential isn't striking enough to make any exceptions for him.

SY, however, can't leave it at that. He's spent more than five minutes with the street kid codependency gang, so he's gotten attached to both of them. And he knows what will happen if they're left to their own devices and The Plot proceeds accordingly. (Also, they keep threatening to not stay at the sect if SY doesn't stay too, for some reason.) So with a heavy heart and internal candle lit for himself, SY heads to Bai Zhan Peak. Which is the only peak that accepts disciples by way of them turning up and refusing to leave.

SY's not much of a fighter. He actually really hates the atmosphere on BZP, he's not bad at physical cultivation (his health's pretty good in this life, ironic considering how much worse his situation was) but the random ambushes and survival-of-the-fittest stuff is just not his brand. But that's okay, because it turns out that BZP actually DESPERATELY needs disciples on the actual peak who are interested in things other than fighting and cultivating their own strength. Stuff like, filling out requisition requests for An Ding every time things break, apologizing to An Ding every time things break again, organizing schedules, browbeating senior disciples into actually teaching, educating disciples on virtually any artistic or social skill, hosting lectures on how to beat vicious beasts without just overpowering them, and etc.

Okay so some of this stuff isn't and has never actually been on Bai Zhan's curriculum but Shen Yuan is going to make this place tolerable. And stop these children from needlessly getting acid burns or lyme disease or scurvy or whatever. He keeps internally chewing out Airplane for designing a sect system that means there are a lot of largely unsupervised 12-year-olds running around the wilderness on a mountain picking fights all the time. (When he actually meets Shang Qinghua and figures him out he switches to doing it in person, of course, in twice-monthly bitching sessions that look a lot like budding friendship.)

Of course one of the worst offenders is the Liu kid, who SY would suspect was actually raised by wolves if he didn't know for a fact that Liu Qingge has a younger sister, and also the kinds of nice clothing and letters from home that strongly imply not only does he have a family, but that the family is pretty well-off. Liu Qingge is at first deeply offended by SY being a BZP disciple. He rarely fights anyone, and uses tricks and evasion tactics whenever a fight can't be avoided. And he does other annoying stuff, like pestering him about meals and baths and lecturing him on identifying dangerous plants and the early signs of qi deviation. This is not what their peak is about! He should get with the program already! Just fight stuff until you're too tired to keep fighting stuff!

Also SY's younger brother, SJ, is pure evil (at least according to baby Liu Qingge) even though his other younger brother (?) is cool and nice.

Anyway, Liu Qingge stops complaining about SY after their first mission together, where Liu Qingge doesn't lose a fight but does get into a kind of pyrrhic victory situation where he's really badly hurt, and it's SY who helps him win (correctly identifying the monster and then pointing out its weakness) and takes care of him afterwards and gets him safely back to Cang Qiong. SY expresses surprise at LQG actually being polite to him, and LQG realizes that he's been a colossal ass if people think he wouldn't be grateful to someone who saved his life, so the usual Liushen dynamic proceeds from there. Liu Qingge starts bringing SY fans he leaves behind and hunts down animals that are supposed to be useful for bolstering weak cultivation, SY invites LQG to tea and keeps the critters as pets, etc etc.

SY doesn't get the Head Disciple position, because that's only acquired via beating the current peak lord in combat and lol no. Also he's not interested in stealing it from Liu Qingge, to whom it rightfully belongs (in his mind). But that's fine, because Liu Qingge takes the position when the next generation ascends and then he lets SY exclusively handle all the peak duties SY actually likes (mainly teaching). It's perfect -- Liu Qingge gets to focus on his War God antics and occasional administration/meetings without having to deal with students his has no patience for, but the disciples of BZP don't get neglected because SY is actually teaching and organizing classes and student care. BZP hasn't enjoyed a golden age like this since it was founded!

Things are pretty good overall, but Shen Yuan knows that it's only a matter of time before The Plot shows up, and so he can't rest completely easily.

Meanwhile, the will-they-or-won't-they bets on Liushen have been going strong for a while now. The thing is, most of their martial siblings are convinced that these two are already "together", and just being circumspect about it. Those who know SY well (like SJ, YQY, and SQH) know better but think that SY's romantic obtuseness is to blame, whereas those who know LQG well (LMY, WQW, and MQF) are pretty sure that it's actually LQG's obtuseness that's the problem. Of course it's actually both of them, so efforts to "fix" matters by getting through one of their thick skulls inevitably run afoul of the other's.

An additional complication is of course: SJ doesn't like LQG (mutual), and now that he's the leader of his own peak, he wants to poach SY to come and live there. Not only so he can have one of the 2 people he trusts actually close at hand, but also because SJ also hates actually teaching the atrocious little brats on his peak, and would like to have SY come and do it for him. YQY is still a total pushover for him too, and is also now the sect leader, so YQY agrees that SY can change peaks if SY and LQG both agree to it.

Liu Qingge, of course, is a no, but he's a variable "no". He's not going to hold Shen Yuan against his will or anything.

As for Shen Yuan, it's... complicated. He doesn't really like BZP, but it's gotten a lot better than it was at the start. These days he's actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, and it's more comfortable, but it's still a rough and rowdy place with fewer creature comforts, libraries, or other appealing points than QJP. Also, if he goes to Qing Jing to teach, he can personally ensure that SJ doesn't go around persecuting any of his students!

But... SJ never lived with the Qiu family in this AU, and even though SY's not totally clear on what the PIDW backstory for SJ was, he knows he's a better guy now than the scum villain in the book was. He has a reputation for making cutting remarks, not for being an abusive snake or a lecher. SY's honestly less worried about him doing anything bad at all, and there are other people on QJP who can teach. It might even be good for SJ to promote more people to fill out a social circle he can rely on! That guy needs more friends, seriously.

And QJP really doesn't need more layabout literary intellectual types who get into pointless arguments, which is all SY would be if he went there. Just yet another nerdy scholar for the rich kids with middling cultivation that the peak favors to ignore. At least on BZP he's filling a gap.

SY is clearly torn, and the fact that SY's considering it has LQG upset, and LQG doesn't handle being upset very well, so of course they have an argument about it. SY storms off to cool his head and LQG is like, this is it, he's gone to Qing Jing Peak, I've drive him off by being too aggressive and he's probably remembering all those times I told him he didn't belong here and oh no what have I done maybe if I build him a heated bath and get him books he will come back???

Turns out that SY just went to An Ding to vent at SQH while SQH was like "I think you would have fewer problems if you and Liu Qingge just got married and my disciples could call you Shigu to your face instead of behind your back" and SY threw melon seeds at him and sulked on his fainting couch (which is always cold for some reason...)

Thus begins the Liushen Divorce Arc where SY tries to be anywhere but BZP or QJP, Liu Qingge tries to figure out what thing he can punch to fix this not-punchable problem, SJ is like "I don't see what the big deal is they should break up Liu Qingge is awful and I want my brother to teach my classes for me" like the spoiled youngest sibling he's finally allowed to be, YQY is trying to moderate this Hades vs Demeter situation and is all "well maybe SY could spend half the year on QJP and half on BZP?", and Liu Mingyan is going "I know my brother if this doesn't work out he is going to die single and pining like an idiot" and so keeps conscripting other disciples to y'know, lock SY and LQG into storage closets together (ineffective: LQG can punch through walls) or at least get them in the same room (underestimating SY's willingness to yeet himself out of windows to avoid awkward social interactions.)

By the time Luo Binghe joins the sect (as a Qiong Ding disciple), the drama is in full swing and is the main topic of gossip across most of the peaks.

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - you in your own eyes vs. you in your fs' eyes

welcome lovely reader! let's take a peak into how you view yourself, compared to how your future lover will view you. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. remember to take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪

°❀⋆.pile 1ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as someone who isn't very easily impressed or satisfied. you might struggle with chronic pessimism and seeing the brighter side of things sometimes and seem aware of it. you are manifesting a better life for yourself.

you might lack substantial belief and trust in yourself to do well, and see yourself as someone who's more of capable of hoping and wishful thinking, rather than courageously taking the initiative and acting on your desires.

you believe you don't have the needed tools to follow your dreams just yet (financially, mentally or in terms of maturity) you also might be afraid of change; this could result in a habit of just staying in your comfort zone in the end.

you might see yourself as someone who's still too immature and inexperienced. not sure why this came through, but some of you might even think that you just aren't overly smart. (spirit is telling me you're wrong!) you might feel like a late bloomer who's been a little stagnant in their life or slower in your growth compared to others. a lot of comparing yourself to other people here.

i heard “dreamer with a heavy heart” from the song cruel world by faye. perhaps you could connect to that song; it talks about feeling like the world just challenges you continuously, but the dreamer inside of you remaining alive despite the hurt.

you might think that you're quite alone in this world. someone who's just used to being on your own, doing things on your own. you see yourself as a person who tries lighting their own path instead of relying on anyone else.

you see yourself as someone who's constantly wishing to learn from the things that life throws at you, and turning every life lesson into something that helps you grow.

you might experience fomo sometimes; fear of missing out.

it does seem as if you're still trying your best to hold on to this glimmer of hope within you.. you're aware that you're someone who could make it happen, if only they took a leap of faith.

you're very humble, dedicated and eager to learn at heart, so deep down you acknowledge that the potential and desire is there. you just aren't sure how to translate it into reality.

i think you're in the midst of slowly healing from negative experiences, which have had a profound impact on you. you're trying to practice self-forgiveness and letting go of the past, but still might struggle with self-doubts and insecurities.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs will see you as someone resilient with a strong personality, who's had to endure a lot of challenges and conquer many obstacles in their life. this gave you thick skin.

they might look at you as a person who wasn't as easy to get to, because you do have your walls up at first, and people need to prove themselves to you before they can get past them. they look at you as someone who's protective of their own space, and doesn't allow people to access them as easily.

their first impression might consist of seeing you in snappy defensive mode, where you had to stand up for yourself.

they'll think that you're someone independent who challenges the status quo; focused on first and foremost, going after what you set yourself up to, unafraid to stand out and be different. a person who's more interested in following their own rules, instead of joining the crowd or blending in.

your fs looks at you as a person who's determined to build their own financial stability and independence before relying on anyone else to do it.

which is interesting, because i do think this person could be relatively well off and wanting to provide you, but you don't seem very interested in basking in anyone else's money.

they could see you as marriage material quite quickly and think about building a future together, but soon after might realize you're not someone eager to jump into a commitment as such, if you don't feel secure in yourself first.

this has the potential to humble them quite a bit, and awaken the realization that you're someone more self-sufficient; and if anyone feels the desire to be with you, they gotta remain patient and consistent in their efforts.

you seem like a person who can make people work for your attention in order to understand the value of it, which your fs is likely to take notice of and feel even more intrigued by.

it's possible your fs isn't really used to people playing hard to get with them, which is why you might stand out a lot.

°❀⋆.pile 2ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as artistic, creative, passionate and warm.

you might believe that you're the type of person who's quite sure of what they want in material or financial terms, ready to realize your ambitions and goals in a bold manner; but with a soft spot when it comes to their emotional world.

like you usually have a strong character, but some sappy little things might still get you all sensitive, teary-eyed and emotional. some of you might be a little embarrassed about this too. (don't be, it's very endearing)

i feel like some of you might have fire suns with water moons

you might see yourself as a dreamy person, who's in love with the concept and idea of being in love. someone who often finds themselves seeking romance and everything it entails.

you look at yourself as a person who tries to find beauty in everything they do; just loving to romanticise life and its little things. you might love and identify a lot with art, music, etc.

at the same time, you seem to be aware of how you definitely are not as easy as you appear to be, and for sure find yourself cautious of people trying to take advantage of you.

like i see you as a person who can be willingly delusional sometimes just to beautify life a little bit, but absolutely not as a person who's easily fooled or played with.

it's almost like the more people get to know you, the easier it is for them to spot your more sensitive and soft side. the rest might see more of your more fiery and strong sides, since that's usually how you present yourself to the outside.

it seems like as time went on, you've learnt to be more wary of people's motives and intentions, and understood the importance of cultivating clear boundaries in terms of how closely you connect to others, and how much you let them in.

you can have your outgoing and social moments, but it's likely you've become good at keeping a healthy inner distance to a lot of people you're surrounded by; almost like making them believe they're your friend, when in your eyes they're not really.

you also might see yourself as someone who's not afraid to fight when necessary; a person who will not allow others to step all over them. you'll step over them twice as hard.

i see a lot of this inner fierceness inside of you coming from potential trust issues; not always feeling like everyone has your best interests at heart. you might have been betrayed a few times, which has taught you to be more cautious, and just keeping certain, more personal things to yourself.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs sees you as a vibrant and charismatic person, who has this very radiant and captivating presence to them.

they might feel like the world stops whenever they look at you; you make everyone and everything else feel less important.

their first impression is likely to consist of you being this attractive, charming and confident person, who has an inspiring and intriguing effect on them.

similarly to pile 3, they're likely to look at you as a person who's quite different to them in a variety of ways; whether that's your ethnicity, culture, views, beliefs, lifestyle, upbringing.

your fs sees in you, someone who can pull this spark of energy and motivation out of situations others would feel sad about.

like the type of person who's just eager to gets the spirits up if the mood ever gets too gloomy and negative.

they look at you as a bright and powerful person, who doesn't like dwelling on the past and isn't easily beat down by their losses, but on the contrary, sees them as an opportunity for a new and potentially even better start.

example, they might watch you go through a break up and wonder how much it'd affect you emotionally, just for you to get back up and appear as confident and vibrant as ever.

you're giving a person who has the best break-up glow ups.

like you wanna prove to whoever lost out on you, that it in no way is your loss, but definitely is theirs. it's giving princess diana black revenge dress.

as the connection progresses, it's likely for your fs to see you more and more as someone they'd want to settle down and start a family with.

for my girls out there; your fs might quite literally, want you to be the mother of their children. they're likely to look at you as someone who has great potential to be a mother, because you're so multi-facetted and wellrounded.

in your fs eyes', not only are you a strong, independent and self-sufficient character who's capable of confidently taking charge of situations, but you're also immensely nurturing, caring and kind towards the people dearest to you.

they think that you hold a lot of empathy and genuine love for the special people in your life, and have this natural ability to make them feel understood, and taken care of.

i thought of this moment when justin bieber talked about seeing hailey bieber with a baby and thinking “she is the one.”

also, this keeps coming through; they just think you're beautiful. like.. so so pretty. they might stare at you a lot.

“i could look at you all day and never get sick of the sight.”

°❀⋆.pile 3ೃ࿔*:･

you in your own eyes

you see yourself as a bit of a lone-wolf, someone who doesn't feel understood by many people, and doesn't really feel like they always fit into too many places.

a person who's in continuous search of their true belonging, and their spot where they feel safe and comfortable.

you think of yourself as a deep, reflective and introspective person who seeks profound understanding of yourself and life. you might be aware of how you need alone-time, as well as times of peace and quiet to recharge.

you long to find your own identity and true purpose, outside of what other people want or expect from you.

some of you might even feel the desire to move overseas in hopes that the change of environment could help you step into your power and strength more. there's some feelings of.. feeling like you're not where you should be, and believing that your current environment doesn't serve you. this isn't where you see your best self thriving and blossoming.

some of you might be using your spirituality to manifest a better life, and spend a lot of time on the internet trying to find guidance and ways to manifest your dream life.

you simply do not see yourself as a person, who's okay with just allowing others to take control of what you do, or your life.

you see yourself as a very driven person, who once they set their mind to something, absolutely have to get it done. like tunnel vision, this is what i want and nothing else.

while at the same time, you usually aren't someone who acts on a completely impulsive whim; you try your best to make all your decisions based on logic and reason.

you might recognize yourself as being a fairminded person, who's eager to balance your focus on your goals and your strong determination, with the importance to remain responsible and just in the way you get there.

there might be a struggle in you, between following the path you deem as best for yourself, while also making sure the people around you don't have to suffer because of it.

this dilemma between serving yourself, and serving others.

the dilemma between standing out, and fitting in.

you're strong, pile 3.. i know the road here wasn't easy, but you're persevering and doing an absolutely applaudable job.

you in your fs' eyes

your fs will view you as someone who's quite different to them. a person who's like a breath of fresh air.

they might notice that you hold beliefs different to them, proceed with things differently or approach certain situations differently, and therefore intrigue them majorly.

they'll look at you as a person who can transform them. someone who has the potential to change their life in a significant and impactful manner.

they also could see you as someone quite unpredictable, who always brings something new and fresh to the table.

your fs could be someone with masculine energy, potential earth sign. they're someone who's work-oriented, mature, possibly older than you in age, good with money and has a strong sense of responsibility.

they will see you as a person who's much more in tune with their emotions than them, and has this beautiful sense of empathy, and compassion for the people around them.

a loving person who supports others in a gentle and caring manner, and has a comforting and warm effect on them.

they will like how you bring this new sense of affection into their environment.

you could help them steer their gaze away from work work work, and make them believe in the beauty of love again.

like this person will literally have their fantasies awakened because of you. you will make them believe that soulmates are real, and that they finally found their person in you.

the puzzle piece they didn't know was missing in their lives.

it's almost like “how am i so attracted to pile 3.. when they're so different to me?” you'll quite literally have them wrapped around your finger.

this person might be someone who's usually quite stubborn and stuck in their ways, but something about your unique existence will change that; they'll want to understand someone else's opinions for a change.

they'll truly feel this desire to put themselves into your shoes and look at things from your point of view. you might quite literally teach them what empathy means.

both of you give the vibe of someone more independent, but are likely to change that for each other.

like you will make your fs want to be alone together with someone; that person will be you. and vice versa.

you'll find home in each other.

oh i could go on & on about this pile, the energy is so sweet

even as i started shuffling, i already began going into full on dreamy lovey-dovey 🥰 mode

[scramratz]

Rant abt your Cds I'm curious

OK HERE GOES SCRAMS 2024 CD COLLECTION TIER LIST

(Disclaimer: these are just my personal opinions and if yours differ from mine, fine. It’s not a sin to be wrong)

S TIER-

Goo-Sonic Youth: Straight bangers all the way through. Girls love it when you show them your Sonic Youth cd. Extra points cuz the pamphlet unfolds into a sick poster

Midnight Vultures-Beck: Good album to clean the house to. Every song a banger. Beck as a person sets off alarms, though 🤔

Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot-Sparklehorse: Genuinely my favorite artist and album of all time. Fall asleep to Homecoming Queen often.

Siamese Dream-Smashing Pumpkins: Fire straight though. Good when you’re in a depressed 20-something mood. Better than Mellon Collie in my humble opinion.

Gorillaz-Gorillaz: The start of one of my favorite bands and objectively one of the best bands in the world don’t fight me on it I’ll kill you.

A TIER-

Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots-The Flaming Lips: Solid album. Iconic cover art. “Do You Realize??” always got me feeling feelings

Violent Femmes-Violent Femmes: Top 3 favorite band. Every song went platinum in my household. Would have been higher but reminds me of my mom too much.

Dig Me Out- Sleater-Kinney: Got it because the name sounded familiar. Ended up loving them! Doesn’t sound right if it’s not played loud, though, and considering I live in an apartment, I don’t play it often.

Fear Yourself-Daniel Johnston: Got it because I love “Hi, How Are You” but haven’t been able to find it anywhere. Was pleasantly surprised! Hits the same melancholy spot but slightly more upbeat.

Figure 8-Elliot Smith: My favorite sad boy that definitely DIDN’T kill himself. Not my favorite Elliot album but every one of his albums is A tier personally.

The Diary of Alicia Keys-Alicia Keys: WENT QUADRUPLE PLATINUM IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. Prime cleaning the house on Sunday music. Dragon Days is seriously underrated.

Garbage-Garbage: Don’t know how to say this without sounding insane but this album sounds like the color #DC007F and I like that color a lot

2-Mac Demarco: The CHOKEHOLD Mac Demarco had on us artschool bitches in 2016 OMG. Was gonna change my name to Viceroy

B TIER-

Money for Nothing- Dire Straits: Top tier dad music.

Lumine fever- The Adrenals: Got it cuz the cover looked cool. Was pleasantly surprised! They rock the adequate amount

Rocket to Russia- Ramones: They’re good but I don’t get the hype honestly. They’re the Flavor-Aid of Punk

Starfish- The Church: Only love one song on it, the only song anyone likes tbh. The rest are your standard 80s deal

Crooked Rain-Pavement: I really love Pavement but there is a thing as too much Pavement and I think I’ve reached it

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco: Honestly should have been in A tier but all the pretentious music dudes I’ve met has soured this album for me so it goes in B outta spite. Jesus Etc my fave song tho

An Evening with Silk Sonic- Silk Sonic: Nice, short, gets me in a happy mood. Does what it needs to do!

Prolonging the Magic- Cake: John McCrea don’t really be singing, do he? He just fancy talkin

C TIER-

Gigantic, Fuel, and The Nixons: I got all 3 on sale and they all sound the same and that sound is…ok? Like it’s alright background music

Blind Melon-Blind Melon: What was with 90’s bands putting random kids as their album covers? Decent listen, though.

Summerteeth-Wilco: Good background music. I can’t remember any songs off it.

Los Angeles/Wild Gift-X: I like X but I hate that fucking album art omg it’s so hard to look at. I like their songs individually but as a cohesive album, eh.

D TIER-

Throwing Copper-Live: bought it on sale with the above 3 but liked this one substantially less. Only redeeming quality to me is the album art.

Ben Folds Five-Ben Folds Five: Misleading considering there’s only 3 of them. He sounds like my ex boyfriend from highschool before I realized I liked girls

F Tier-

The Ragetones/Fall Apart-The Ragetones: Saw them play at a shitting basement show. Everything sounds better when you can barely hear yourself think.

F Punk-Big Audio Dynamite: Found it at the thrift and rehomed it outta pity. Sounds like the 80s in a bad way.

[theresstillgrowinghere]

I don’t often find I have much to say during chronic illness awareness months anymore. I’m tired. My words feel tired. I don’t feel like I have anything new to add. Sometimes I worry though that that in part comes from my having been in various digital chronic illness spaces for almost a decade. Of course it feels tired to me. There are things that rattle around my brain that feel so obvious and commonplace (and that have been said much more eloquently by others before me) but may still be worth expressing, just judging by the ways people in my life haven’t been able to understand

So for gastroparesis awareness month this year, there are a few things I want to note from my experiences (tw for food/eating, weight without numbers, medical trauma)

1) My relationship with food is so scarred and multifaceted. It is messy and thorny, conflicting and complicated

(I am scared of food. I miss food. I hate food. I want to eat so badly. I never want to think about eating again. Tell me in detail about how it tasted. I love food. Please don’t ask me to join you for a meal. I don’t want to miss the communal aspects of eating. I feel so disconnected and other and separate just because I don’t eat. Sometimes I do try to eat and it makes me sick. Don’t comment on it, please; it’s not helpful to scold or encourage - I feel shame either way)

2) There is no cure. There is only management. I think people understand this in theory more than actuality, because when I say this I mean please, please stop expecting any management option to be The Thing. Please don’t expect something to offer substantial improvement, even if it is a life-saving dramatic change. As I have tried to explain to people in my life, those types of interventions are often complicated and risky and, in our broken healthcare system, very difficult to access until the situation truly is dire and life-threatening. Which can mean that the body takes significant damage before getting there. Sometimes by the time you access the intervention, that damage is irreversible and the goal is just to stop further decline. It’s not making me better; it’s keeping me from getting worse. For some reason that’s difficult for people to understand

(But sometimes people do find what for them is The Thing or are The Things, and that’s an important piece of the whole picture. The problem is the persistence of unrealistic expectations among people around us)

3) My relationship with healthcare is vital but fraught and heavy. I rely on it tremendously just to stay alive. It is also my only in-person access to the world and to people, which is a weird kind of mindfuck. But I am also deeply afraid of it after so many years of trauma. I am terrified of hospitals and medical professionals. I’m sorry for the way that fear makes me irrational, makes me assume, makes me protect myself. I know so many medical professionals are so caring and kind, but it is very, very hard to go into a medical setting trusting that that will be the case

4) There are some things I wish truly were obvious. Like don’t comment on someone’s weight, ever. Don’t say you wish you could “have a little of that” to change your appearance. Don’t try to convince me to “just try to eat a little.” Trust that I know my body best. Don’t offer me unsolicited advice or recommendations. Don’t say “when you get to be my age…” because I will point out that, based on the amount of damage to my body already, it is very possible I will never reach your age. But more to the point, I am not too young to be this sick. It happens

Anyway, these are my 3am-notes-app, camped-out-on-the-bathroom-floor thoughts. It is also important to note that they exist in the context of my gastroparesis being born of and coexisting with my other chronic illnesses, and they all become so deeply entangled

Wishing everyone well. Hoping your August is kind and gentle

To everyone with gastroparesis (and other digestive disorders, really), I’m sorry your tummy hurts, and no, you actually don’t need to be very brave about it. As I heard someone say recently in a different context but definitely applies here as well, “We weren’t born to be fighters. I don’t want to be brave. I want to be okay.” I just want all of us to be okay

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

I really like the decision to set TotK a few years after BotW, as opposed to the few months we’re used to in direct Zelda sequels. It gave the world a substantial amount of time to change. Hyrule is livelier. In the years of relative peace since Calamity Ganon was vanquished, it’s been allowed to grow and thrive. Hateno Village, the largest Hylian settlement, is becoming economically significant as a tourist destination and food supplier. It’s especially cool to see Riju, Tulin, and Kass’s kids mature into their adult/teenage years, respectively.

Building on that, I think it’s neat that Link is in his early twenties now. This is the oldest Link we’ve ever played as (Skyward Sword held the previous record at 17.5 y/o). He’s had time to adjust to life post-calamity. His traumatic mutism seems to be all but gone. You ever notice just how much he talks in this game? Dialogue options galore, he’s constantly explaining things to other characters, all that. And he’s more expressive, too. He outright laughs when he fuses weapons.

Link’s relationship with Zelda has also had time to grow. Guys. Fellas. Broskis. They live in the same house. In which there is only one bed. They are together. The implication here is that they share most of their meals together, and remember, it’s key to his characterization that he opens up emotionally when he’s cooking or eating. That means there has been a lot of quality bonding time between them.

Before and during the Calamity, Link served as Zelda’s royal bodyguard because the king demanded it of him. Given how he went mostly mute from the pressure of being entrusted with the princess’s safety and being chosen as the Hylian Champion (at age 17, mind you), I’d wager he didn’t particularly like the assignment until he started bonding with her. He looks downright sad when she snaps at him in that one memory at the shrine. Hell, he doesn’t smile once in the memories.

But you know what? I get the feeling that Link protects her now not out of duty like he used to, but out of love. That’s powerful because “love conquers all” and all that, but also, there’s no external pressure to be her bodyguard. Until the Upheaval, he was done being a special little hero. He was just a swordsman, but he still went where Zelda went to protect her. So instead of being crushed by that pressure, protecting her is an expression of his love for her. It’s a choice and he’s doing it because he wants to, not because it was forced on him.

That’s a lot of growth to go through, and it was paced over several years. He doesn’t appear to have aged much, but enough time has passed that Hudson has a daughter who can hold a mature conversation. That’s what, 5 years old? Yeah, Link is in his early twenties. Fucking finally, the task of saving the world falls on the shoulders of an adult (although speaking as someone entering his mid-twenties, that honestly isn’t much better).

I’m starting to ramble here so I’ll leave a parting observation of Link and Zelda’s house in Hateno. Zelda has redecorated a fair bit since moving in with Link, replacing his weapon racks with photos of her horse and various Hyruleans (her subjects who she cares deeply for), but the photo of her, Link, and the Champions is still up. And that’s really cute.

[wetbatinthenight]

OH ALL THR ANSWERS ARE SO INTERESTING!!!

About the older brother, would he also want to infantilize/regress reader? Helping their dad into the effort of bringing his bby sibling back into the mentality they want? Or would he be an unexpected ally for reader into keeping their adult mind? -🐦‍⬛

thanks for the ask! I have so much lore, sometimes I wish I could articulate myself better so I could convey all I want to in a more concise way!

I think in general, in my main concept, that that babying has ALWAYS been a things. coddling your 4 year-old, 8, 10? it starts to have a shift in perspective as you grow older. I think in reality is that the way you grew up has also set these sort of norms in place (even though much of the behavior isn’t normal). your isolated self chucks it up to overbearing behavior because that is all you can make sense out of it. you hear your classmates speak about their parents, and equate their experiences with yours. it isn’t an out of nowhere experience. it just starts to increase as you get older, and the world feels like it is closing in (probably getting more confused and distressed from the behavior, even though you definitely don’t know the language of why and how you feel that way)

overall, no matter my (eventual, very excited) concept of siblings (will be three!) will always have grown up with a similar thought process as your parents. you are just so little, you need someone to guide you and make your own choices. this obviously conflicts with your craving for independence as you age. there really is not an “adult” version of you in their head, not conceptually at least. they are aware of your growing age and how that is impacting your dynamic.

your sibling/s have also grown up with the unhealthy thinking of your parents, although again, mom and dad don’t come off as weird or unsafe. these are the behaviors that have been made to seem normal. when you were born, their perspective changed. maybe it is because you were the youngest, maybe a surprise baby (and their purposeful last). you need to be taken care of. this projects onto your siblings from day one. the ideologies of your parents are deep rooted in the rest of your family from the beginning. of course each sibling has a different perspective of you, all with varying views of independence and infantilization towards you. your siblings live much more normal lives than you, and don’t really see an issues of the way you treated, not in any substantial sense anyway.

in these coming weeks I plan to build a strong structure and go to town with my au, which does have a good chunk of the same takes that I am saying here :)

in the au I will right, this will be a bit different, but I digress.

hope these answers are good! I’m trying my best. I just type my thoughts and submit, so I hope it all flows together :) thanks again!

sneak peak: dad, mom, eldest brother, older sister, older brother, you. that will be the dynamic in the future! it will be more of an au, any more intense?

[sgiandubh]

Although MPCs website clear about bring a business which contributes a portion of profits post admin costs, Sam regularly in videos and in print interviews misrepresents. He's says my charity abd he says 59% of signup fee goes to charity. If there is a problem l, it's on Sam, who according to original members, basically sold MPC control, in 2017. Your statement of knowing what he's doing with his MPC, is questionable, post corporate change of MPC. It's not just his alone. MPC has sketchy history, since Alex's involvement, and the rumors, look more as truths that a good portion of the administrative costs go to Alex pre-whisky, for a working, guaranteed salary before sales came in. It also begs the question, if Sam is interested in supporting charity with a portion of income sales, why hasn't 10% of whisky sales went to charity partners? The whisky is part of the GGC, Sam and Alex's business. Why wouldn't he plug a Newman Products design? Maybe he's not as interested in charity?

Dear MPC Anon,

It has always been 50%, which is logical. 59% sounds like a demented Asian astrologist suggestion - but you might be unfamiliar with Burmese recent history, so I shall give you a pass, on that one.

Who are the 'original members' who told you MPC was sold? To whom was it sold? When did that happen? I need paperwork to support this statement: the current corporate documents still list ONE officer - pay away from your wallet to find out it's very probably SRH: I am not doing it for you.

Like it or not, Norouzi's involvement in MPC is a reality since at least its creation. You will have to prove me the 'sketchy' part with much more than a stinking grenade thrown by Anon or fandom illiterate gossip.

I will have to see contracts between MPC, AN, SH proving that pre-whisky launching costs of The Sassenach were drawn from the MPC accounts. I will also have to see bank and accounting documents proving so. According to US law, I would also have to be a Court and have enough reasons to subpoena these people and entities to show me those. Stop spreading the shite written by Pufflander once upon a time and ask Puffy, in her retreat, what the fuck did she do with the crowdfunded money for the Harassment PI Report (you know, *urv and co). Now that would be a really interesting question, right? No answer? Bad day, baby. Bad day.

Whisky sales under the umbrella of Great Glen Company LLC, a different legal entity with no charitable mission, were never designed to represent a charitable endeavor. I think you know the difference between a charity and a company, right? Suggesting he should give 10% of all his earnings to charity is akin to a church tithe. This argument is, of course, ridiculous, in the business world, unless there is an explicit and public vow to do so, with a particular company's benefits.

Newman's Own and the Newman's Own Foundation represent Paul Newman's personal commitment to give away 100% of Newman's Own LLC profits to charity: the Foundation serves to direct the funds to the projects its trustees deem the most appropriate, according to the Foundation's values.

This is a different story and I also hope you know the difference between Great Glen Company, a business who wants to remain a business and a ground-breaking CSR commitment like Paul Newman's. Great Glen Company and MPC are separate projects - AN's loud involvement in both does not help, though, especially with an uneducated bigot, such as yourself, Anon.

Assuming he must give 100% of all his profits to charity is absolutely ridiculous, Anon. Why don't you give away all the profits of your lemonade stand to charity and set a blazing, luminous example in this fandom?

Unless you quickly substantiate what you wrote in anger on your phone, with links, facts and names, I am forced to tell you to kindly, slowly, but surely...

FUCK OFF MY PAGE!

[Later edit:] Should I start a US Tax Law 101 course for you, Anon? To me, this rather crude company/charity montage sounds legit. Also, MPC is not a charity, as shown in my previous post.

[max1461]

Ok like. Not to get too hung up on this. A Chinese invasion of Taiwan would be extremely bad, as are all wars of aggression, and I don't want to even indirectly suggest that it would be acceptable. But if we're trying to compare "degree of international destructiveness" between the US and the PRC, well, one extremely crude way to put numbers to the issue is to look at population size. Taiwan has a population of about 23 million. In 2001, Iraq had a population of 25 million and Afghanistan had a population of 20 million. If we want to go back further, Vietnam had a population of 25 million in 1955. Again, this is really crude, and I'm sure there's a better way to measure the destructiveness of a war. I don't think using the nominal monetary value of the damages is reasonable, because that just directly values the lives of people in poor countries less. Maybe monetary value of damages in PPP would be reasonable.

In any case, I think the population numbers suggests that, between the US as it stands in actuality today and a hypothetical China that decides to invade Taiwan, in the course of the two countries' recent illegal wars of aggression (even if, for the US, you only want to count Iraq as meeting that description), the US will come out as having been more destructive.

This doesn't account for everything. An invasion of Taiwan would cause enormous economic impacts globally due to its centrality in chip manufacturing—very bad for everyone. This analysis does not take account of China's illegal territorial belligerence in the South China Sea, or the US's various illegal regime change operations and other violations of foreign sovereignty. Oh, right, if we want to go back to Vietnam for the US, maybe we should go back to the invasion of Tibet by the PRC. The invasion of Tibet seems to have involved less than 1,000 deaths, so not really a comparable military conflict to any of the others, but still bad as a war of aggression qua a war of aggression.

It's maybe relevant to also mention the political outcome of these wars, although I think that's a secondary issue in all cases. The US-backed regime in South Vietnam was extremely brutal, the North Vietnamese regime was also brutal but has largely calmed down and Vietnam seems to be doing pretty well for itself. Of the two I think South Vietnam was clearly more oppressive. The Republic of Iraq is something of an Iranian puppet state but still seems better than Saddam's government. The Islamic Republic of Afghanistan was better than the Taliban government by far, in just about every regard. I don't think these latter two positive outcomes were anywhere near worth the death and destruction wrought by their respective wars, but politically they were positive.

PRC rule of Tibet is considerably better than the previous Tibetan government, which was a Buddhist theocracy. PRC rule of Taiwan would be considerably worse than the democratic Taiwan we have today. I don't think the positive political change in Tibet justified a war of aggression, but the costs were substantially lower than any of the US's remotely comparable wars.

There's also an important point to be made that, whereas the US invaded and set up puppet governments in Iraq and Afghanistan, China directly annexed Tibet and would in a putative invasion of Taiwan directly annex its territory. This is perhaps moderately more morally problematic in itself but more importantly is a much greater flouting of international law, which is a very bad precedent to set (or to continue to set, after Russia's invasion of Ukraine). For this latter point the invasion of Tibet is too old to matter but an invasion of Taiwan would matter very much.

It is also relevant to point out, again, that a Chinese invasion of Taiwan has not in fact happened, and to my understanding US military analysts don't predict the PRC to be close to attempting any invasion at present.

In any case, I think the analysis that China is more belligerent on the world stage than the US simply does not hold up to an encounter with the facts. This makes arguments to the effect of "the US needs to do whatever it takes to maintain its hegemony to prevent worse powers from taking charge" look extremely dubious. In terms of foreign policy, the US is the worse party, even in a world where all major parties are quite poorly behaved. The US has more civil liberties than China at home, but China also makes no effort to export its ideology the way the US does and the USSR did. Chinese domestic policy is not of much relevance to international politics in this way, I don't think, other than that perhaps having a democracy as world superpower increases the prestige of democracy and encourages it via soft power. I'm sure it has a marginal effect, and I'm sure it has a more-than-marginal effect on how many countries claim to be democracies. Not sure if I'm convinced of much more than that.

One way or another, arguments that we need the US to be world police continue not to hold up especially well to scrutiny.

[ultraericthered]

One Villainous Scene: Cage Of Expectations

A brief one, but it gives so much insight and explains so much about the inner world of a character who, up to this point, was kept shrouded in mystery even though we all knew he was the villain, and also perfectly sets him up to make the decisions he ends up making.

While the later retcon tells us that Ken became a prodigious, genius boy due to a "Dark Spore" inplanted in him by accident that only "went off" when he visited the Dark Ocean, the whys and hows aren't really crucial to understanding Ken's story at this point: he's a star student, star athlete, and even something of a young celebrity within the world of science and computers. Because he is so well known and renowned, he's given plenty of filmed interviews like we see him doing here. After the interview is done, the headmaster of Ken's school comes over to him to offer congragulatory words...and then in a very shady move, whispers to Ken the offer to tutor his daughter in her studies over at his place so that she can excell in her grades at his school, saying he'd reward Ken handsomely for it. Ken plays the "I'm just a kid, I ain't THAT good" card, which makes the principal start to back off...but then he turns back around and asks the disgruntled Ken for an autograph. Turns out that beyond mere corruption and nepotism practices, the headmaster was pestering Ken about these things because his daughter's a fangirl of Ken. This does not please Ken. Who do some plain, unexceptional, low IQ girl and her plain, unexceptional, low IQ father think they are asking him for favors like this? Such matters are far below his time and efforts.

(In the English dub, this interaction is changed to some nonsense about the headmaster wanting Ken over to help him win at a video game called "Donkey Madness" prior to getting the autograph. The effect on Ken is the same, but I think it takes a lot out of the scene.)

Ken is then seen at dinner with his parents, who are acting all congragulatory and gushing over their son's interview and how smart he is and how maturely he presents himself. Yeah, they're really shitty parents. Much as they do love their son and loved his late brother, their love for the idea of being the parents of a special genius child enraptures them so much that they lose sight of what's really best for their child and his needs as a human being, and they coast off the achievements and reputation of their child without really giving back to him in any substantial way. Ken isn't really pleased with the way they interact with him either, so he gets up and leaves the table.

Then comes the big moment. An image that says so much even when so little is said (again, in the original. The dub butchered it by having Ken internally ramble the whole way, which not even Derek Stephen Prince can really save.) Ken's on the roof of his apartment building, standing in front of a barred fence. He can see the entire city from here, a city filled with mediocre people who he considers to be completely beneath him, but who will always look to exploit his gifts and use whatever he accomplishes for their own benefit, and will feel alright about themselves for doing nothing, being nothing. Ken would love nothing more than to abuse, bully, enslave, torture, or even kill the whole lot of them...but he's far too intelligent to not know better. He knows that the rules of civil society prohibit him from acting freely upon those cruel urges, making him have to conform and comply with the regulations set by lesser people. He, a Chosen One, a "perfect human", has to just sit there and take it like a good little boy, to not werewolf and go wild on these people. He's trapped. Caged like a rare breed of animal rather than the god he believes himself to be. The bars he grabs onto represents this cage, and all he can do here is snarl and shout out to city below him "INSECTS!"

But of course we know that there's a place Ken goes to where he can actually live his wildest fantasies, and act as he would naturally prefer to act towards lesser beings completely free of repercussions. The world he believes is one large MMORPG that exists for his pleasure. The Digital World, where he asserts himself as the Digimon Kaiser. And it's at this point where he starts to call that place home.

[hsvh-hp]

Hi! Thanks for all the responses -- I hadn't realized how many chapters I'd gotten through since your last round until I saw the emails lmao

I was wondering, in regards to this:

And omg, I totally feel you on being a trans person in the HP fandom. It's very weird how my tumblr dash is set up. I have mutuals still from old fandoms who are queer, and I feel so ostracized from them at times when they toe the line of 'anybody in the HP fandom supports JKR, you're a bad person if you're still engaging with it'. I'll spare you the essay on why I disagree with that, but oddly the safest place I feel on the internet as a trans person is in the HP fandom. Which is weird at face value, I suppose, given what JKR is doing, but we really are separate from her. I've yet to see substantial evidence that fandom, which is infamous for generating zero revenue, is floating trans peoples' demise. It's just a thought crime, I guess.

if you would, perhaps, not spare me the essay? lol

I feel the same sort of ostracization which is especially frustrating when I am in such "thought crimes are fake!" circles, and I'm interested in your perspective, if you want to give it!

Sure, I’ll offer my perspective on it! This is probably best broken down into bullet points:

1. JKR was already a billionaire before she came out as a TERF.

There is nothing in the world that will change this status. Even if every single person currently engaging with her various IPs immediately dropped them, JKR would still have a billion plus dollars to drop on anti-trans movements and whatever. A billion dollars is immensely difficult to picture. The easiest way is to think like this: if you make $50,000 a year, the equivalent of her dropping $75,000 the other day is you spending $3.75. How often do you spend 0.0075% of your income and give it any thought? JKR’s wealth is not directly tied to ‘levels of fandom engagement’.

Which leads to…

2. Boycotts don’t work.

Sorry. They don’t. Not against someone this politically powerful. If they did, the flood of people out of the HP fandom in 2020 would have had a measurable effect. What did have a measurable effect? People not going to watch the Fantastic Beast movies (because they were hot trash lmao). Not giving JKR any more money works in the sense that it cripples her future projects, but it has zero effect on what’s already in her purse.

Also, think of boycotts this way: wasn’t it hilarious watching conservatives try to boycott the Barbie movie, Nike, Bud Light, and whatever else they’ve systematically locked on to? But so then why do progressives/the left/whoever think it’s going to work the other way? Like with Hogwarts Legacy? Just don’t interact with the media, dude. And if you do, pirate it.

3. Fandom is not mainstream. I have never seen any data to substantiate that participating in a fandom directly correlates to dollars for the IP. Copyright literally prevents that from happening. To bring up to popular saying, “there is no ethical consumption under capitalism”, fandom exists outside of capitalism—for me, at least, as a fan fiction writer. This is a hobby to me. I have never seen a red cent for any of the hours of work I’ve put into my fics.

And I can probably guarantee that no one has stumbled upon Harry Potter through me, lol. They didn’t read one of my fics and go, ‘you know, I should check out what source material this is coming from’. Harry Potter is so well-known that there’s no way they came in blind.

Also, the TERF discourse is very much an online thing. I work retail irl and I’ve had conversations with customers who’ll say “you know, I really don’t get all this hubbub against trans people” but are too boomer to be anything more than tangentially aware that Harry Potter is a Thing. Like, ‘oh yeah, my kids read those books when they were coming out, but I never bothered’. One of my employees bought a set of the HP books because they were on a wicked deal at Costco, and when we were discussing it I told her that while I still enjoyed HP, I wasn’t comfortable giving JKR more money because she’s extremely transphobic and donates a lot of money to anti-trans causes. My employee was horrified and said that had she known that, she wouldn’t have bought the books. Lots of people just don’t know!

Which takes me to…

4. This type of online activism isn’t effective.

I’m talking specifically about being anti-Harry Potter or anti-JKR. Falling into those two categories does not automatically make you pro-trans. This was pretty blatantly obvious back when the books were being burned for promoting witchcraft. As far as fighting for trans peoples’ rights, screaming until you’re blue in the face about how anybody who engages with Harry Potter is a traitor and JKR BAD is wasting time better spent doing something productive - something that could actually benefit trans people rather than…I don’t know…virtue signalling that their blog or twitter account is a safe space?

5. I personally do not feel welcomed or vouched for by these people.

Listen, I’m going to break myself down into all my stupid little categories. I’m trans. Autistic. Intersex. Aromantic. Asexual. Basically, all the things that people love to try and cast out of the queer community, whether that means they’re trying to split LGBTQIA+ at the T or Q.

The anti-Harry Potter stuff, as far as attacking the fandom, feels like the latest strain of purity politics to me. As I’ve laid out above, abandoning HP will not right the wrongs of JKR in any measurable or tangible way. Boycotts don’t work. Fandom does not feed JKR’s coffers, and destroying the fandom will not cripple her. There are trans people inside the HP fandom, and what of us? Are we traitors? Are we not ‘really’ trans, because obviously we don’t care about the current political climate? Are we just confused and need to be enlightened as to what harm we’re doing? Where have I heard this rhetoric before?

One small thing, tangentially related:

6. I don’t care what JKR says about how engaging with Harry Potter tells her about who her ‘supporters’ are.

Seriously? She’s a lying dirtbag, and I’m just supposed to take her word on this? This is the one thing she just so happens to be right about?

When she started spouting TERF shit, I was really saddened by the writers who, upon leaving the fandom, also deleted their works in protest. Seeing as the majority of the HP fandom is queer, I’m sure that JKR was very pleased with the amount of queer media erasure that occurred. Why did we do that for her?

7. I believe JKR actually seethes and malds over the prospect of her fandom being queer and producing queer content.

As a writer, there’s a special kind of pain that comes from someone not quite interpreting your work the way you would have wanted them to. What do you think JKR’s first reaction was when she first learned about the Harry/Draco ship? The Draco/Hermione ship? If she didn’t live in a stone castle, I bet she would’ve punched a hole in the wall.

So, yeah. Transing and gaying all of her characters is a pretty nice way to get to her in a way that she can’t legally or financially retaliate. Every time she screams ‘WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!’ at the queer people in her fandom, a trans person’s crops are watered.

8. The HP setting is very welcoming to trans people.

Potions exist that can change your body. Enough said.

That the Harry Potter books never really says anything specifically about trans people (NOTE: obviously JKR’s prejudices even back then showed through, but this isn’t about that) leaves the question on the table. Obviously trans people exist in the Harry Potter setting, because they exist everywhere. So, how did they never get any page time?

Well, who says they didn’t? In a setting where potions exist to change your body, trans people are just…people. I don’t even think that they would have a marginalized identity because gender dysphoria would be something very easily treated. Think of it like someone who takes medication for blood pressure. They need the medication, it’s life-saving, and while there isn’t a magical pill to ‘cure’ high blood pressure, it can be managed. The magical world revels in being strange. Why would being trans, while being considered strange here in the ‘Muggle’ world, be anything other than normal there? Why can’t it be?

And then there are Metamorphmagi. People who can literally change themselves at will! If that isn’t a trans person’s dream, I don’t know what is. I would personally love the option of being the biggest, hairiest dude with a dick so big an erection would make me black out, and then ultra femme and delicate the next.

Last on this point, Harry never notes anyone specifically trans in the text (NOTE: touching on things like the physical descriptions of Rita Skeeter and Marge Dursley, JKR tends to do the ugly=bad person thing. Although she describes Rita and Marge as mannish in appearance, they aren’t trans characters. They’re women that JKR wants to frame as bad people. Like I said above, this is JKR’s prejudice showing through). If Harry never notes anyone as specifically trans, that probably means that it’s impossible to tell at face value. The same as blood pressure medication, to return to that analogy. How do you know someone is on them? They tell you. You see the pill bottle and happen to know what that medication is for. They complain about side effects. They complain about the symptoms that led them going to the doctor in the first place.

9. Queer HP fandom content can potentially be how a Harry Potter fan realizes that they’re queer (or that queer people are just regular folks).

Hey, the first one happened to me!

If someone comes into the Harry Potter fandom unaware of JKR’s politics - maybe they were gifted the books for their birthday or happened to catch the movies on TV - it’s good actually that this person doesn’t fall right into an echo chamber of JKR’s politics. I’ll be happily here to correct her record in a way that isn’t shaming or policing them.

Anyway, I think that’s everything lol. To summarize:

- The HP Fandom is a neutral setting. Engaging with it doesn’t help JKR, and not engaging with it doesn’t help trans people. Just don’t spend money on official HP merch.

- If you want to be a pro-trans activist or trans political ally, please just ignore JKR and put all your focus on the real world.

- There are trans people in the HP fandom who are left feeling awkward and uncomfortable due to virtue signalling.

- Generating queer HP content is good, actually.

[duchess-of-mandalore]

SSTW (Re)Read: Chapters 1–4

She Said the Word - A Star Wars: The Clone Wars AU

Here we go! Spoilers are fair game on my reflection posts, so your best bet is just to read the chapters first! But for now, I'm keeping my reflections fairly general.

First off … I legitimately think this is the first time in years that I sat down to actually read a fic of substantial length, and that feels so good.

Second, I’m so glad to get back into this world. I remember how excited I was when I first started reading these first few chapters of SSTW (before I knew the author) and I couldn’t believe that someone was writing exactly the fic that I always wanted to read (and at the time … the height of social distancing … was busting out a lengthy chapter nearly every day!).

Right from the start, I loved the characters because just as in canon, their quest is for their vocations and that’s why they’re so compelling: Satine … who’s found her purpose but hoping for a partner who will live it out with her, Obi-Wan … who’s grown up in an order of monks devoted to service but who struggles to find his place in that world and believe he’s worthy, Qui-Gon … who doesn’t fault Obi-Wan for seeking his purpose outside of the Order, and the kiddos … Korkie, Lily, and Ani … who give their parents more purpose than they can handle (even apart from rebuilding a war-torn civilization).

One of the most fascinating parts of rereading these chapters is seeing just how different I think both the author and I view the Jedi now in comparison to 2020, when SSTW was first written. In these chapters, you definitely see what I would now call “misguided stereotypes” against the Jedi – seen in things like Satine’s accusation (and Obi-Wan’s grudging agreement) than the Jedi ignore their emotions – but at the time, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

Thankfully, @tessiete and others set us straight, but my question to @the-obi-wan-for-me is this: if you were writing SSTW today, what would you change about the portrayal of the Jedi in these first couple of chapters? Would you portray the Jedi’s handling of Anakin after Qui-Gon’s death any differently, even if there's still some justification from TPM for believing there were those who were against him being trained as a padawan?

ALSO! In Chapter 4, we get the first glimpse of most beloved Tol'ket. For the author: what was your initial plan for Tol'ket? Did you have any idea that he'd grow to have such an important place in this story?

[byjovewhataspend]

alr so like what's ur headcannons on skeptic/tomoyasu like ships things he likes don't like I'm just curious lol

if i like a character ill ship him with almost everyone So tomoyasu/anyone-you-can-think-of-an-excuse-to-put-him-nearby

Faves: Deku -- they are very similiar people-- screaming obsessive stalkers that care very much about other people (in their own way) and are inspired to violence (in their own way) because of that. + i feel like the PLF would have a high likelihood to recognize and acknowledge how the lack of bodily autonomy granted in a hero-based society greatly harms quirkless people. i have a whole headcanon about young skeptic using his unusually overpowered quirk to protect kids that got bullied, which was PRIMARILY heteromorph/mutant types but probably also included like the 1or 2 quirkless kids in his school. i like to imagine a scenario either of 'they went to school together' or 'deku never got OFA and so ended up getting picked up by the Meta Liberaton Army (pre-LoV) and them either helping/sponsoring him to become the first quirkless hero (because it helps their narrative) OR a non-of-that-happened au where he graduates highschool and joins and quickly becomes skeps right-hand-arm, his confidant, his silly rabbit (They just both rant at eachother nonstop and neither ever gets tired of listening to the other even though it sounds liek arguing. they both stalk eachother to show affection)

(also like, dont kid yourself, if izuku hadnt been able to be a hero he wouldve turned to doling out justice on his own somehow. Viglante, sure, but also totally susceptible to a group that trains people in secret to defend themselves and others in an unfair system)

These below are set in FangusFungs au about a Swamp Creature skep. my first thought was 'deku would get involved in that'

Tokoyami-- i like to imagine a post-series situation where Pro Hero Tokoyami sees and recognizes Tomoyasu, who was previously a HIGHLY visible GOTH individual in the public eye that was outspoken about heteromorph rights. hard to imagine young tokoyami not admiring him, at least distantly, so meeting up with him again as an adult would change things a lot. i could see them getting together <3 it would be really cute

HANABATA: obviously. come one. goth dilf powercouple. theyve known eachother for ages and are fully on the same side. the smooth-talking trumpet with his charm and handsome face versus skeptic whos so angry about the coffee machine being on the fritz that hes popping a vein in his forehead. whats not to love here?

Shigaraki: come on... like obviously

(featured below, my PR MANAGER SKEP au. basically when the league defeated the MLA and became the PLF they decided to turn their substantial political power onto the idea of rehavilitating their image and making them figureheads! managed to get skeptic off for his crimes andturning people to their cause and to their side)

also Dabi, since they are (COUGH) basically the only ones to interact... but this is the only art i have for that

aaaand present mic! they look alike and both have loud self-aggrandizing annoying personalities, are both alt-fashion guys with long hair, and they both scream a lot. theyd either get along SO WELL or theyd hate eachother (i cant show you the art ive made for this, its all porn)

as far as my personal headcanons (the ones above notwithstanding... i think hes technically a mutant! but hes the TYPE of mutant where its minimal enough that in almost any room he will never be the MOST visibly mutated. he has spent his life Very Aware that the only reason he isnt discriminated against is because other people are discriminated against HARDER. that if every super-visibly mutated person on the world disappeared (like the CRC group wants) then the focus would go to people with tails, then people with animal ears, and then people like him. He has known he was just Lucky since he was 5 and he never forgot that, and thats why as a grown adult (in his.. what? 30s? 40s? i like him to be about 37-42 in canon but if you told me he was 26 id believe you) he would still have such strong opinions and focus specifically on people with visible mutations and the struggles they have

like.. whether the MLA/PLF went about their dreams for liberation the right way (no) you can't deny that they DID care! i also headcanon that if the whole LOV thing hadn't happened they never wouldve started this war, that they had a 60+ year plan they were only 15 years into tops that was focused on changing laws and changing the media narratives first and foremost. so in any 'the league didnt happen' au you can easily say they were working above-board (though personally i think they were all the types to still be murdering and making up blackmail stuff for political opponents AND/OR known mutant-haters)

[zahri-melitor]

Blade Runner, The Matrix and Robins: if you want to run a conspiracy in your story you need to put in the work

One of the central conspiracies people like to speculate about in Blade Runner is the theory of whether Deckard is a Replicant. It's a high-context theory woven into the plot and cinematography of the film. (I'm aware various people, decades on, have 'confirmed' it's true; I don't think that's particularly relevant to this).

The reason why the theory is so compelling for audiences to discuss is that the film in itself poses the question 'what is a human' and sends the main character, Rick Deckard, on a hunt for those clues and mistakes that give away the Replicants he is looking for. Things like Deckard's evasion over whether he's ever taken a Voight-Kampff test, and moments that suggest implanted and shared memories make for a fun second level mystery for viewers to think about and solve. The unicorn dream sequence, with both the dream and silver foil unicorn, provides another pointer for audiences to consider the idea. Even the Replicant Red Eye moments are subtle clues that get called out via the broader focus on eyes.

What also helps the debate and hunt for this potential symbolism is Ridley Scott's reputation as a director who heavily goes for visual cinematography hints and altering stories by changing them in Director's Cuts.

Similarly, The Matrix has a conspiracy that the real world is another level within the Matrix. This one is easy to understand how it developed. The Matrix, as a film, invests a substantial amount of its runtime teaching its audience the clues used to distinguish the Matrix from the real world. We get explicit scenes like The Girl in the Red Dress and explanations of how déjà vu works to demonstrate alterations in the Matrix. We see how characters can alter the Matrix to their own ends, leading into moments in the trilogy where Neo appears to use those skills in the real world being able to be read as 'are we still in the Matrix?'

The thing is: neither movie fully commits to these readings. They're possibilities that audiences can read in, that feel like they've been woven into the plot for people to consider. The audience is drawn to ask the question via the way the hints/clues are found in things the audience is already directed to consider. At their worst, they're artefacts of the audience taking the themes of those films and extrapolating too far.

My feeling about Robins as a comic is that Tim Seeley and Baldemar Rivas want to suggest one of these conspiracy theory stories, but did not have the skill to convincingly pull it off.

One of my difficulties the entire way through the comic was that the story did not know when it was set, and indeed repeatedly suggested via both dialogue and art that it was set in very different periods.

Robins takes place at least partially in a generated overlay from information based on Bruce's notes on the five Robins and also on various criminals. It's trying to take the log entries from Gotham Knights #1-11 and extrapolate that concept out to 'what if having this went wrong for Bruce'. (And I shouldn't really be surprised that Seeley chose to do this: Seeley is very big fan of Devin Grayson's work in the Bat books and frequently chooses to reference it)

The markers used for this simulation are firstly the level reward bonuses, and secondly the singing robin (that apparently uses the wrong call).

In that light, you could argue that problems like characters wearing the wrong costumes, from non-matching eras, and holding views that don't really accord with those characters is supposed to be a series of hints about the resolution of the title, rather than a set of weird screw ups that involve suggestions that the team didn't both checking details.

My issue is that it doesn't feel earned. If Seeley and Rivas really did want to hint and direct their audiences into reading that the presentation, comments and impressions of each of the Robins in their story were wholly based on Bruce's conception of them, then I think those discontinuities should match each other more clearly within each character.

Take Tim for a moment: he wears his original 1990s Robin costume; is the opponent of Damian's 'gauntlet' (a period in which he was wearing his all red Robin costume); has his overlay stolen for a rant about how Tim things the Obeah Man and other villains should die in a way that explicitly references Red Robin #26 (his post-Crisis Red Robin period); and gets specifically removed from the story and trapped in a way that he has to direct others to find him and try to escape himself (suggestions of both the Ünternet and more specifically Mr Oz during Tynion's Tec run). These do not match. If we're supposed to think Bruce is hung up on a specific conception of Tim, and a particularly backward-looking one (which you would assume, given he's put in his earliest Robin costume), why don't the other elements match? Why not put him in his all-red Robin costume to hint that he's Damian's gauntlet? Why not put him in one of his Red Robin costumes if you're going to keep referring to him as Red Robin, and that Bruce's worries about him relate to specific events in that period? And why, if the early Robin costume is supposed to reference Tim's own 'gauntlet', then is he the only character wearing his original costume from the storyline?

And what does not help with this is that Seeley has several obvious screw ups. The most prominent one is he conflates Rite of Passage with Batman: Identity Crisis. The Obeah Man was the villain of Rite of Passage for Bruce, where he was hunting him down to save the Drakes. Tim's personal combatant during that story was tracking down Lonnie as Moneyspider. The storyline where Tim showed the skills and personal judgement that made Bruce decide that he was ready to be Robin was in Identity Crisis, which was a story rescuing Bruce and Vicky Vale from Scarecrow. While the stories are sequels to each other, they're not a contiguous whole: they take part in different titles, with a gap in time between them. Similarly, Seeley places Felipe Garzonas' death as Jason's first case as Robin, rather than his last case.

The whole concept of the 'gauntlets' is the underlying thread holding the story together, the aspect on which Bruce's analysis of each of the Robins and whether he wants to work with them is based, leading to the computer files, leading to the entire plot.

If you mess up like that, audiences are less likely to grant that you're trying to build hints in that something is wrong by having things be noticeably mismatching, because you've also screwed up the ground on which you're trying to construct the story. You cannot fairly claim that the incongruities you put in to hint at your plot are something that should be analysed as clues when you've already primed your audience to think that you're just a hack making blatant mistakes.

And this problem extends to all of the characters, not just Tim. Tim's just the easiest for me to pick apart because I know the references made so well (and Tim Seeley clearly doesn't actually care as much about Tim as several other characters, making the oopsies more obvious).

The issue with this story isn't simple single-panel moments like "And I need to hear it from you, Tim, because Jason and Damian lie through their teeth" or Tim saying he "demanded" to be Robin where people can dunk on it by showing another panel like the Teen Titans 2003 "I lie to Batman" panel or ALPOD. It's in the fact it tries to be clever but doesn't earn audiences' trust to do that analysis. And it doesn't earn that trust because you can't pick apart what's a deliberate incongruity as a hint from what's a general mistake from the team, and if you do pick at elements that look like outright mistakes, the whole thing comes tumbling down.

Blade Runner and The Matrix train their audiences from the very start of the story to look for these incongruities and hints and showcase what problems to look for openly in the plot, leading to people to heavily analyse background details for further suggestions of these hints. They earn the buy in that leads to the elaborate fan theories.

Tim Seeley forfeited his audience's buy in to the story he apparently was trying to tell by not being exact enough about the details in a story where he wanted them to pick at those details, and not showing early enough that the audience is expected to be picking at those details. And that's just poor writing and biting off more than you can chew.

[whiskers-my-beloved]

Hi! Not sure if you already read it before, there's an interview of Kenichi Iwao, old writer and designer for RE1. He mentioned about his idea of Wesker as a person which I thought pretty interesting. I'm not keen posting on my personal acc, I hope I don't bother you https://www.crimson-head.com/interviews/kenichi-iwao

Q: What is the full story of Wesker including his ultimate goal and duties in the mansion as researcher and chief security officer?

KI: I imagined that he was in a special forces setting. Unmarried with no siblings, but was born into an ordinary American middle-class family. However, he was already too formed and believed the world to be worthless. He was a genius with scant feelings. He enjoyed ordinary family vacations, even displayed excellent grades in sport, but his heart was always cold and he was acting to blend himself into society. He was a clear-headed but tragic individual lacking human emotions. The only way he could live was to self-affirm his intense elitism.

Wesker was using the giant organization Umbrella and had his own separate ambition to create a second humanity of his own design. For that reason he believed that the Tyrant, which produces the Tyrant Virus, would also be useful as a resource to threaten Umbrella. Umbrella's aim was to sell the Tyrant to every country as a weapon and take advantage of every nation's weakness and substantially control them, but as they advanced that plan, Wesker aimed for another objective... To filter humanity using the Tyrant... he was scheming mass extinction and forced evolution. Ultimately the Tyrant was going to gain the ability to manipulate the virus and design living things. It was a “Creator.”

So to Iwao's vision in early days, Wesker has been always a disturbing nutjob from the start, even before his new background "Wesker children" came to existence in RE5. Even RE1 novel written by SD Perry, Wesker is described as someone who brings a something-is-not-right kind of feeling towards anyone with a decent sense of intuition, mainly Chris and Jill, even though he acts "normal" outside. And he's also enamoured with tyrant, your comic is spot on when you focus on Wesker's obsession with tyrant haha

Hello there! First of all thank you so much for this ask. And apologize for taking so long so answer you anon ;×;

And you could never bother me anon! It's all okay, I really don't mind getting asks (as my bio says, asks open) and if you all like to be anons instead of using your mains to ask that's all okay too ❤️

This was very interesting. Albert Wesker from back then RE1 to know changed a lot I feel. He didn't feel particular special back then in re1. He was just a guy that was stupid enougg to get killed by his creation. Well he didn't make T-002 personally I think.

All the added backstory for him is cool don’t get me wrong. The whole bit about him being a Wesker child , how much of a bastard Spencer was. He got a living sister and a son too. Shame we never got too see any of them on screen together ;×;

With my wesker x tyrant reader comic I wanted to show how of an obsession he has with them. I played the og RE1 and he really gave me the vibe that he *really* cares for it. And the way he died was so pathetic...like man I would feel bad for him if the translation and voice acting weren't so bad.

The outwordly normal guy but reqlly fucked up on the inside is really cool to me. They were all surpised about his betray and pissed. So he wasn’t a bad captain to his team. If only the game wasn’t so bad at showing this. I am pretty sure most people understood he was the bad guy, the way he dressed and acted were so sus. How I wish the game tried to hide it harder that Wesker was the main bad guy ;×;

Anyways, I do think that given the chance he would create a new tyrant that listens to himm 100%. Worst case and it goes berserk he killd it and restarts again. The tyrant reader in the comic got lucky in a way. Wesker thought it was a failure at first glance. Turns out the tyrant reader had fallen inlove with him

[coraniaid]

Anyway, here are seven episodes of Buffy which I'd have given Amy Madison a cameo in.

The goal isn't to change the plot of any of these episodes substantially or to change Amy's overall arc (such as it is). Rather the idea is to do just enough work to make Amy feel like a recurring character with the weight of, say, pre-S6 Jonathan Levinson or pre-AtS Harmony Kendall. Somebody who is stil clearly a minor character, but who feels a lot more thought out than Amy herself often does.

I think you can do that with just a few strategically chosen cameos. Here are my picks:

1) S1E12 Prophecy Girl

Prophecy Girl brings back Jenny Calendar (previously only seen in I Robot, You Jane) and the previous week Out of Sight, Out of Mind had brought back Harmony (previously only seen in The Harvest). Both Harmony and Jenny would go on to be popular recurring characters, and I think making a second appearance in the first season would do wonders for Amy as well.

While I'm at it, I'd slightly rework Cordelia's story this episode -- cutting out her doomed boyfriend Kevin, who replaces Out of Sight, Out of Mind's Mitch without explanation and will never be mentioned again; and the slightly uncharacteristic friendly way in which Willow and Cordelia treat each other this episode. In my version of the episode, it would be Amy who roped Willow in to help set up the sound system at the Bronze for the Spring Fling, and it would be some of Amy's friends that they found murdered by vampires in the Audio-Visual Club.

(I wouldn't rob Cordelia of any of her other scenes, of course: she'd still get to drive her car through the school halls and bite a vampire.)

I think adding Amy like this would serve to remind the viewer that (i) Amy exists; (ii) Amy and Willow are friends; (iii) even with her mother gone, horrible things keep happening to Amy Madison.

2) S2E01 When She Was Bad

Nothing fancy here; just a quick establishing scene at some point to remind us Amy still exists (in the same way Larry makes a cameo at the beginning of Season 3). Have her show up at the library and ask if any of the gang have seen Jenny Calendar, because she's meant to be teaching a class but nobody's seen her all day, maybe? Rather than the approach that canon takes, where nobody seems to realize Jenny has been kidnapped at all, even though we know she was captured at least a day before Buffy goes to rescue Cordelia (and the gang spend all of that day at school, where Jenny Calendar should be working...).

Again, the point of this addition is to mainly remind the audience that Amy exists, but we're also setting up the idea that Amy might eventually look to learn more than computer science from Ms. Calendar.

3) S2E06 Halloween

Just one scene here as well: Amy commiserating with Buffy and the others, and admitting that Snyder "volunteered" her to go out accompanying kids that evening as well. The point being that we see that Amy has dressed up as a witch for Halloween...

(We wouldn't see Amy again all episode, and we wouldn't know whether she got her costume from Ethan's, but down the line the idea that Amy might have gotten a bit of a head start as a witch from her experiences this episode -- in the same way Xander remembered some of his military knowledge -- could definitely be a fun fan theory.)

If anybody asks Amy if she's comfortable dressing up as a witch after what her mother did, maybe she can reference back to the attack on the AV club or Ms. Calendar being kidnapped and suggest that she knows now that there are worse things in the world than witches...

4) S3E02 Dead Man's Party

OK, if I were rewriting this episode I'd find it hard not to make bigger changes. At the very least, I'd want to have a few more scenes from the POV of characters other than Buffy (so that there's less of a sense of Buffy's friends all treating her horribly for no reason). And who better for Willow to be pouring her frustrations out to than her fellow fledgling witch Amy?

Give Amy a line about "missing Ms. Calendar too" as well, and Willow's final speech to Buffy about spending the summer "trying to communicate with the spirit world" take on an interesting subtext.

5) S3E09 The Wish

This is an interesting one because I'm half-convinced Amy was meant to be in this epsiode anyway. It's the only episode before Amy gets ratted in which she's mentioned on screen (Willow tells us that she's heard some gossip about Cordelia from Amy, which is -- in canon, anyway -- the first indication we get in the whole show that Amy and Willow have started hanging out).

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Nancy's role this episode (in the alternate Wish dimension) wasn't originally meant to go to Amy. That's how I'd play it, anyway. (Of course, if Buffy didn't come to Sunnydale she wouldn't have been around to save Amy from her mom. But I think that's easy enough to fix: just throw in a line about Amy being grateful to Giles and the other Whte Hats for "saving her" from some unspecific fate, and make sure to establish that this version of Amy can't do magic.)

Of course, this Amy would have the same fate as Nancy -- fittingly, killed by Willow -- but I don't think we'd need to have that happen off-screen the way it does in the actual episode.

6) S5E22 Grave

I really don't think Amy's abrupt descent into magical drug addict works ... well, at all. So I'd like to see a much bigger change to her arc after being de-ratted (something like @idle-flower suggests here, for example). I just don't think her villain arc this season makes any sense (and I know it robs Willow of a lot of the moral agency she should have at this point).

Failing that sort of change, though, I'd at least like Amy's mini-arc this season to .. resolve? She gets the door slammed on her face by Willow all the way back in Doublemeat Palace and then we never see her again. We don't even know if she's staying with her dad, or if her dad left town, or what. How is she surviving at all? At least throw in a scene of Amy discovering whatever's left of Rack and looking angry and vengeful about it, surely? Remind us she exists, and that things aren't going great for her.

7) S7E12 The Killer In Me

You might object to this one on the grounds that Amy is already in this episode.

The thing is though, I'm not sure that episode's writers remember that she is? Amy is outed as being responsible for Willow's predicament, Kennedy promises to stop her, Amy snaps her fingers -- teleporting Kennedy away -- and ... that's it. That's the last we hear from, or about, Amy Madison. Not just in the episode, but in the whole show. She doesn't suffer any consequences, she never gets a face to face confrontation with Willow, there's no obvious reason why she wouldn't be free to try again and again. Surely we can do better than that?

At least give us a scene of Amy fleeing Sunnydale ahead of the First's wave of destruction, or reacting to Willow getting her own body back. Something that we can pretend amounts to closure for a character who has, after all, been a part of the show since the third ever episode. Even if her continued appearance on the show, season after season, wasn't ever something the writers conciously planned.

[no-less-than-a-god]

The Lamb watches Narinder, freshly dressed in the familiar red of follower robes, standing among the grass encircling the cult’s many crypts. It was one of the few areas heavy with foot traffic that hadn’t been reduced to dirt or replaced by a walkway, and the grass there is always a healthy, soft green, the nutrients to grow taken from the bodies laid to rest nearby.

And there, Narinder stands, looking down at the grass beneath his feet. The Lamb approaches, hand on the bell around their neck to silence it, and upon closer inspection they see the fur around the exposed parts of his body twitching. His back is to them, and they can see his tail jerking randomly as it sways back and forth languidly.

Not mad, then, but something else.

The Lamb joins Narinder at his side before they drop the hand on their bell and choose to speak. “Are you troubled?” they ask, and take in Narinder’s unveiled face as his neck snaps his head to meet their gaze.

He looks…confused. Mildly uncomfortable. His ears are halfway to being pinned against his head, and his nose is furrowed. Upon meeting the Lamb’s gaze, however, the features on his face smooth out slightly, and his ears come forward.

“It’s foreign,” is what Narinder quietly answers, “the feeling of grass beneath my feet. I had forgotten what it felt like.”

The Lamb doesn’t reply to his words, taking the admission with a heavy weight in their heart. They wonder, chest aching, how much of the world had their god forgotten?

“It’s soft,” Narinder comments, “I have not yet grown accustomed to this feeling, but I think it’s one I may enjoy.”

“I am pleased to hear that,” the Lamb finally speaks, a sigh following their words. They turn their gaze from Narinder to the earth beneath them. “The grass here is always fresh, for the bodies I bury nearby keeps them healthy.”

“It’s like the first time I held you in my claws.” The Lamb’s gaze snaps back to Narinder, eyes widening slightly, as Narinder continues speaking, his three red eyes locked onto the Lamb, who stands only inches shorter than him now. “I was unused to holding such a small creature, so warm and soft. It was first strange, but progressed into something I found myself seeking when you were there.”

“I see.” The Lamb subtly bowed their head. “I apologize for not being able to let you experience that again, now.”

Both of their sizes had changed when the crown halved itself; Narinder had shrunk substantially into a height more mortal in appearance, and the Lamb had grown taller, horns lengthening and splitting at the base to grow a second pair of points. Narinder still stood taller, but nowhere near enough to hold the Lamb like he was used to.

“You apologize for naught, Lamb,” Narinder replies, eyes narrowing. He’s long stopped twitching from the grass, and he stands proud, confident, despite only having half of what he used to deem his own. “I have much preference for being free of that realm and at this size.” His mouth remains open, to say something more, but then he hesitates, and eventually shuts his jaw to look away.

The Lamb smiles, understanding. “I see.”

“Go seek your flock, Vessel,” Narinder replies, his whole body turning away from them. “I’m sure they have need of you.”

“They most likely will.” The Lamb begins to step away, but turns back to Narinder after a few steps to add, “I will return for you in a few hours time, if you remain here.”

Narinder says nothing, but the flick of his tail tells the Lamb that he had heard. They turn again, and walk back to the more populated areas of the settlement, where a rabbit immediately approaches them.

And true to their word, the Lamb returns as the sun starts to set, where they find Narinder on his back in the grass with his arms spread wide, the top half of his robe untied and pooling around his waist. His eyes are closed, and his chest is rising and falling slowly, his half of the crown clasped lazily in one of his hands. He looks asleep, but the Lamb knows better.

They approach, letting their bell signal their arrival. As they stop in front of Narinder’s head, shadowing the sun from his face, his eyes crack open to find the Lamb’s gaze already on him.

“I was left undisturbed after you left,” he says tranquilly. “Did you, perhaps, alert your followers not to pass this area for some unspecified reason?”

“I did not,” the Lamb lies. “This part of the cult grounds are simply not as traversed as the rest.”

Narinder gives them a knowing look, eyes gleefully narrowing, but he says nothing.

aka the first time Narinder touches grass after being freed from his chains (he likes it)