#i like to think julie would be very excited about learning how to dance

[obbydrawsstuff]

I like to think that Sally's a pretty good dancer- and on occasion offers to show the others how to perform a few moves. (Though some are more nervous about it than others hehe)

[anaer]

wip wednesday (july 17 24)

JJK Sukugo rated: dirty shameless smut

Sukuna is all Satoru can think about for days. He’s brimming with excitement, and it doesn’t even matter that he hadn’t won. That Sukuna is still out there, causing death and chaos. It’s better, in fact, that he didn’t. Not even three days pass before he’s seeking him out again, and it only takes so long because he gets distracted with the opening of a sweets café he’s been waiting on for months now.

This time, when he finds him, Sukuna regards Satoru with recognition and, begrudgingly, respect.

“Gojo Satoru,” he greets. There are less dead bodies around right now, but only because Satoru has shown up early in his massacre. People are screaming, running away from them both, but Sukuna is no longer paying attention to anyone but him.

Satoru hums, pleased. “Oh, you learned my name. Who’d you ask? I’m assuming you killed them.” He doesn’t wait for an answer, waving his hand dismissively. “Then again, not like you’d ask their name, I suppose.”

Sukuna tries to kill him.

That’s the rhythm they dance over the next few weeks, a holding pattern neither wants to break. It turns into a game. Satoru needles and needles, and Sukuna returns violence in kind, lust stirred more in their blood every time they meet. Lust stirred until Satoru wants more because it’s also a fact of his existence that he can never be satisfied. Greedy, Sukuna calls him often, but Satoru is strong enough that he can afford to be. Satoru is strong enough that he can take what he wants, and what he wants is Sukuna.

He’s laughing, the first time he kisses him: high on pain both dished out and received as he holds Sukuna’s face in between his hands and smashes their lips together. It happens fast – faster than the ancient sorcerer can respond. Satoru doesn’t know what to expect – isn’t thinking of anything except himself – but for all their differences, they’re of very like minds. The attacks disappear as all four arms embrace him. Satoru’s back hits the ground. He doesn’t break the kiss even as two hands tear at his clothes until he’s bare from the waist down.

Sukuna’s tongue. That’s what Satoru remembers most about their first time. Not the one in his face; the one in his stomach. He’s held facedown, hips pinned in place as it licks its way inside. Satoru whines and bucks, a half-hearted attempt at fighting mostly for the thrill of it. Truthfully, he’s been gone from when that tongue first slipped between his ass cheeks. He’d tried to pull away of course, a pat protest, but Sukuna’s hand on his head, shoving it into the dirt, had quickly quelled that.

It’s novel, is what it is.

His cock scrapes against the rough ground, a tiny torment he could easily turn off. Some part of him, in the back of his mind, still thinks how fun it would be to turn the tables. A trace of blue forms near his fingertips, and Sukuna’s tongue forces deeper inside of him. Satoru moans, all thoughts and his technique dissipating completely.

Every breath forced out of him is a strangled thing, heavy with a million demands he can’t bring himself to voice. Later, he recognizes this as a good thing. Later, he knows Sukuna actively scorns Satoru seeking his own gratification. He won’t care then, and he cares even less right now, with Sukuna’s tongue twisting hot inside of him, pushing him right up to the edge.

Not over, though. Never over.

He could get mad – wants to get mad. Instead, Sukuna pulls another full-body shudder out of him, licking hot and wet and far too deep inside.

“Fucking…hurry up,” he demands, voice barely there. And then a taunt: “This is getting boring.” Teeth scrape along the back of his neck, cutting off anything else he might’ve been trying to say.

“Disrespectful little shit.” Unimpressed.

Satoru might laugh, but no sound comes out. The hands on him tighten, pulling his legs wider. He re-finds himself then, squeezes free, “Not my fault…this is the best you—got—”

His voice breaks as Sukuna tongues him.

This best is good, actually. Better than he’s willing to admit to Sukuna. Better than he’s experienced before at all. Still not enough. Still struggling to tip over the edge.

Sukuna’s tongue disappears. It takes a second to register, for Satoru to realise the sudden lack as every feeling pulled out of him disappears, too. He whines, embarrassingly needy. He’s on his back before he realises, blinking up at Sukuna’s face looming menacingly above him. Satoru wants to grip his hair, to yank him down, to kiss him until neither of them have breath left. He reaches for him, but his wrists are caught before he can do any of that and forced against the ground next to his head.

“Do you think this is for you?” Sukuna scoffs. Another hand wraps around Satoru’s cock. He bucks violently, choking back the gasp as Sukuna squeezes tight. Strokes him. It’s just the right shade of painful, and his head drops back against the dirt at the groan forced out of him. “Make no mistake, you exist as to my own satisfaction.”

Satoru’s laugh is breathless, grin and eyes wide and manic. “Hah,” he manages. It’s near impossible to gather more words, but Satoru thrives off of accomplishing the impossible. “You’d…like to think so, wouldn’t you?”

[angelosearch]

here is a weird little ramble about how weird and obsessive I am about this damn videogame.

You know that quote from Laguna at the beginning of disk 2 where he is like, "Oh, please let it be this room when I wake up! Please let me be in this puny bed when I wake up!"*?

I get that feeling sometimes. When you finally feel safe and happy and loved, it's hard to believe it will stay. Sometimes it's hard to believe I even deserve for it to stay. So I start and end each day with the fear of it all disappearing, and it's hard to hang on to gratefulness when you're doing that.

Right now I have so much joy and fun and creativity in my life. I spent so many years in a deep depression that I forgot I could be excited like this. I didn't know I could still feel so strongly about things. And while I spent a lot of 2023 seeing all of my mental health treatments/work paying off, I didn't feel truly whole until I rediscovered Final Fantasy VIII in July.

And my "puny bed" is just that - being engaged with Final Fantasy VIII. I get scared that one day I will be uninterested. But I never want to be unobsessed again.

I have loved Final Fantasy VIII at least since I was about 11, but I think I loved it since the first time I watched my brothers play the demo. It has been an important part of my life - playing the game influenced all my interests going forward; making fanfiction taught me how to write; going on forums to discuss the game helped me learn how to socialize online; and honestly I could go on.

But I've gone through cycles. I was very obsessed from 11 to 13, then someone made me a cake with the Griever necklace on it for my 16th birthday (WHICH WAS SO COOL) and all I could feel was embarrassment. My interest had gone completely dormant. It reemerged at 19 with the help of my Final Fantasy XIII roommate in college and went on long enough for us to go to see a Distant Worlds concert together, but faded again when she left for Amsterdam.

The first five years of my young professional life I am not sure I had any interests at all, being so busy and detached from myself, so Final Fantasy VIII was nowhere in my vocabularly. Which meant my wedding had not a drop of FFVIII in it. Even though my husband suggested it. Even though we learned how to dance for it, and could have done the waltz for the moon.

Strangely enough, about two days before the remaster dropped, I was inspired to look up FFVIII for some unknown reason. It was as if I felt the new opportunity to play in the force and when I found out a remaster was coming out, I absolutely had to play it.

And I did. And I enjoyed it. But that was when I started to fall down a dark spiral. The love was very quickly strangled.

When I was at my very worst, I kid you not, I could not even bring myself to think of FFVIII. I very clearly remember one December night in 2020 I spent manic in a psych ward, scared and uncomfortable and unable to fall asleep. I tried to focus on fanfiction ideas so I could maybe be relaxed enough to doze, instead of spending hours in the darkness wondering if my meds would ever work, if my heart was going to explode, if I would ever be "normal" again, while people opened my door at random intervals to shine a flashlight on my face. I tried to conjure Squall's face, or quotes from the game, and it all collapsed into nothingness.

And that was how it was. From then until mid-2023, FFVIII was shut away from me by the tomb of my own illness.

Then, I think it was March or April, my therapist and I were talking about ways to tackle my insomnia that didn't involve additional medication. It came up that I used to make "fake bedtime scenarios" about characters in this videogame I liked and that would not only help me fall asleep, but make me excited to go to bed.

"Why don't you play the game again?" She asked. I know I said "I can't" but I don't remember why. But it was enough to plant a seed (SeeD?).

As the spring continued, I started listening to the music from Final Fantasy VIII. Then I started going on the Reddit. I found this "State of the Arc" podcast that reviewed FFVIII. I listened to it on a roadtrip and, while I enjoyed it, I also found myself yelling at the dashboard because I disagreed with the hosts about something.

When I reached my destination, I found I could not fall asleep. I turned over a lot of things in my brain. I thought about Squall being a high-functioning depressed person with a lot of repressed feelings, like I once was. And how as your brain develops and you have issues like that, especially with CPTSD, it sometimes doesn't matter if your life is good now - the pain demands to be felt and the body remembers what you thought you forgot. And then I wondered, what if he was happy and with Rinoa after FFVIII but had a massive mental breakdown in his late 20s? And so, for the first time in three years, I could think about Final Fantasy VIII to fall asleep again.

After that, I was hooked again, and in a big way. I played the game again and found Reddit wasn't enough anymore. I may be even more obsessed with the game now than I ever was. So I joined Tumblr, and I guess you guys know the rest.

Since bringing this amazing videogame back into my life, I've been happier, more easy-going, and just... able to sit with myself. It makes me want to write, and draw, and sing, and play card games. I find that when my anxiety gets the best of me, I can shift to thinking about Final Fantasy VIII as a way of thought-stopping. And then I've met some amazing people on here that are so interesting and talented and supportive. I literally look forward to coming on Tumblr.

Today I was out and about a lot because I am with my in-laws and I am sort of on vacation. Because of that, I wasn't on Tumblr all day, and, more significantly, I didn't think/talk about Final Fantasy VIII. I mean, it wasn't completely absent from my day as I wore my "Compression of Time" tanktop and Squaket... but irrationally I feared I was somehow "not doing enough FFVIII" today.

And that is silly, of course. And I think in the big picture I am most afraid of being that disconnected and lost again. I could probably find joy in another fandom... maybe.

I just want to keep waking up here, in this cozy place that makes me feel connected and at home.

*btw in google this quote I found out Laguna is a brand of bed frame???

[hotarutranslations]

Fukuoka!!

Evening

On the way home, sitting next to me, Mei said,

This photo is my treasure😆💚

Like, I looked at it and,

Its a 2shot with Ikuta-san and Ikuta-san

.😂😂😂👏🏻

Eeeh… Isn't that too cute… Eeh..

.🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Eeh… Cute…

.🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

This, is a photo Mei took for us but, That option was included, in Mei's folder, Her saying that it was her treasure,

I took damage from it now with how cute it was🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ lol

Ikuta-san's hometown, A concert in Fukuoka

Thank you very much💚

WaaA,

I'm interested in the Kyushu way of clapping after cheering~😂😂🙇‍♂️🤦🏻‍♀️😂 (From the evening MC)

It was very hot! There was probably steam coming out of my body! Like an Aura!

The 2 performances were like, I'll concentrate really hard…!

Due to Kitagawa Rio-chan's poor health, she took a break today, Again, it felt like you could really feel, that we were missing 1 member

.🩵🩵

When I got the message this morning, That Kita-chan would be resting,

Just thinking about scenes where Kita-chan really sings and dances, It was like, I wonder if today will be like that~~, therefore, excessively, due to the timing,

My heart fell…at that time

I realized that was her presence

I hope she gets better soon❤️‍🩹

Yokoyama Reina-chan who was resting, was back from yesterday JAPAN JAM! Since the spring tour has also returned, The number of smiling flowers has increasing, and I'm also relieved🌻 I'm happy its bright🌻

I'm sorry for worrying all of the fans, Excuse me

I'd be happy if you enjoyed today as well

2 performances in Fukuoka! Thank you very much!

1 more performance for GW…

Wait for us in Ehime, the day after tomorrow---!

Thank you for your hard work today as well🪽

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" April 13th (Sat) at 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

📺Sendai Broadcast "Sendai Broadcast-san's "Did You Know!? Have You Eaten It!? Everyone's #MiyagiMeshi Project supported by Midori Gin Soda"

27th (Sat) 6:30PM~

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show ~Seiki~" Fukumura Mizuki Graduation Special YokoAri's 2nd Day With Fukumura-san's Graduation Performance

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show" SPECIAL YokoAri's 1st Day With OG Performances

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

🪩The MusiQuest 2024 July 21st (Sun) PiaArena MM

We're challenging a new festival stage❤️‍🔥 Absolutely, Definitely, Thank you for your support❤️‍🔥

🍉Sanrio Character Grand Prix Thank you very much for supporting Gaokki🍉

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

see you ayumin <3 https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12850949351.html

[missameliep]

What are your MCs favorite holidays?

That’s such an interesting question, Anon! For some of my MC and OCs I have considered this subject before and even written something, but not for all of them.

Elizabeth Foredale (OC/Desire and Decorum AU!) - For Elizabeth it’s definitely Christmas. She loves everything about this holiday, from the family gatherings to decorating the tree (in the one-shot A Dash of Christmas Magic I wrote a little about her impressions about the holiday and how she used to decorate the tree with her mother growing up and how this tradition brought her joy, they would create the most fun and extravagant decorations for their home, like a Hello Kitty themed tree, which she loved it!, and in this fic Hamid helps her find the same joy again). Choosing gifts for her loved ones is also something she adores. Even though she misses her mother, the season is still very special to her and definitely the favorite holiday.

After she starts dating Hamid, she'll become fond of New Year's too, because he loves it and there's a lot of fun traditions and in his home it involves delicious meals with his family and parties with his friends, and he's always so happy that the holiday grows on her.

Olivia and Kai Park (MC/Perfect Match) – both my MCs Olivia and Kai love Christmas! For them it's the season of joy and they walk around like they were living in a Hallmark movie even without taking a plane to a small winter Christmas town. I wrote one fic showing Kai and Nadia Park's passion about the holidays and their traditions in a fic called The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Or Maybe Not). While the Parks love the holiday, the grumpy Detective Damien is on the opposite spectrum...

Malia Jones (MC/Wake the Dead) – Malia grew up in a post-apocalyptique world where many of those things that bring us together were lost, not to mention the Tower is the kind of colony where survival was the most important thing and old world's traditions were not appreciated. So I HC they haven’t preserved most of the holidays from the Old World, maybe just celebrating the 4th of July in some kind of tradition to honour the founding fathers or something like that, or maybe created some holiday to celebrate their leader or the colony's endurance. I don't think Malia and her rebellious and anti-authoritarian spirit would appreciate this sort of celebration. But if she learned about the Old World's holidays and traditions, I have a feeling she would love most of it, but specially Valentine’s Day, a holiday to tell people you love and appreciate them is something she totally relates to, and would think this should be celebrated monthly at least because when you're always risking your life and losing people you shouldn't wait a moment to tell them that. She’d like the romantic aspects of V-day too, of course, and would not mind at all if there could be gifts and nice meals involved, and if Troy prepared something to surprise her, but the fraternal and platonic loves would resonate much more with her.

And New Year would also be a favorite! To celebrate you survived another year and think about the future means hope. And that’s something that moves her and is essential when you're leaving after the world ended.

And at Olympus and the new colonies, they'd probably create their own celebrations and she’ll definitely be the most enthusiastic celebrator of all.

Arwen (MC/Blades) – Probably all of them! I think in their universe, most of the holidays are related to crops and the changing of seasons, and Arwen would love all the happy ones filled with music and dance and drinking. She’s an optimistic and overall happy Elf and she loves to celebrate. She’ll have no problem in joining Tyril for the elven celebrations at Undermount too, specially if they involve food and dancing and fancy clothes. After the ball at Undermount, she discovered she really likes dressing up. In our world Halloween would be the kind of holiday that would have her sooooo excited!

Zoey (MC/Ride or Die) – before her mother died, Zoey loved all the holidays and celebrate them with her family, she has plenty of memories of 4th of July barbecues, dressing in matching costumes with her mother and father for Halloween, stuffing herself with her mother's famous pumpkin pie and all the traditions before Christmas and during the entire season... But after that, she lost interest in most of them. It was bittersweet and her father had no interest in celebrations either. Probably she’ll manage to find new meaning for them when she gets older and create new memories for them, but for now, I think during college years Halloween and New Year’s Eve would be favorites.

The first because it’s a moment to pretend being someone else, use costumes, dance and party and she can relieve a bit her days with the crew, and the second because a brand new year ahead is something that gives hope, and she’s hopeful to find her way and become the woman she’s suppose to be. And lists. Zoey is obsessed with lists and organization and she’ll dedicate a long time writing the resolutions for the new year (it’s also a way she finds to honour her mother’s memory, since it was something they did together).

Again, thanks for the ask! ☺️

[acefms]

MEET ADDISON !

if you’re hearing DANCING QUEEN by ABBA playing, you have to know ADDISON GAGLIARDI (SHE/HER; CIS FEMALE) is near by! the 26 year old SINGER/SONGWRITER has been in denver for, like, 6 YEARS (on/off). they’re known to be quite FANCIFUL, but being AMBITIOUS seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble MADELAINE PETSCH. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those SCRIBBLING DOWN LYRICS ON ANYTHING SHE CAN FIND, DANCING ON TABLES, ECHOING LAUGHTER, FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE TOO QUICKLY, SMILE AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN, FOREVER CHASING A DREAM vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RINO DISTRICT long enough!

NAME: addison ‘addie’ gagliardi

AGE: twenty-six

HOMETOWN: memphis, tennessee

BIRTHDAY: july 1st

ZODIAC: cancer

GENDER: female she/her

SEXUALITY: bicurious

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single. this week, at least.

OCCUPATION: singer/songwriter barista when money is low

[ tw: none? for once. who am I ? .]

• Addison grew up with a single mother, Bianca, and the two were as close as could be. Of course, Addison spent many nights wondering about her father and there was always a sense of missing out, but it was hard to miss someone you never truly had. And her mother was more than enough. Supportive of every dream, big or small.

• And dreams she had, always, from a very young age. They ranged from normal to downright outrageous, but the one that always stuck was to be a singer. Addison was practically singing before she even spoke. Always ready to put in a musical performance at the drop of a hat no matter the time or place.

• Addison was somewhat popular in high school but she was often made fun of for having such big aspirations. However, she never let anyone bring her down. And it was in her late teens that she really started to keep her mother on her toes, between first crushes and sneaking out with the latest cowboy who made her heart flutter. But she always found herself so easily bored and I’m search of something new.

• Despite staying in one place for the majority of her life. Addison was always struck with wanderlust, and so after she and her mother moved to Denver six years ago, Addison would often pack a bag and take off on a whim, exploring as much of the world as she could and learning new ways of life/finding muse for the songs that she writes.

HEADCANNONS

• If she doesn’t tell you what she’s thinking, her face will most certainly tell you. She is very expressive and doesn’t hold much back. Best to be honest, right ?

• Is super good at impressions. Like so good !

• Song lyrics written on anything and everything ? Yes. On her skin, on napkins, on your muses belongings ? Like I’m so sorry but I couldn’t let it go out of my head without writing it down.

• Her music style is very country/pop ! She can play both guitar and piano very well.

• worked at the green thumb cafe until about a year ago when the music thing took off a little bit. didn’t do a whole lot of serving tbh, her heads too far in the clouds.

• says honey way too much, does not mean it to be condescending at all. she also lives by the Dolly Parton quote “if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”

• a natural flirt, she doesn’t even mean it half the time, and will be confused at when someone thinks she’s coming onto them.

• sunshine and a wild child rolled into one. forever chasing a thrill/dream. just wants to live an exciting life tbh.

• peach flavoured things are her absolute fave. peach ring gummies, peach tea, peach cobbler, peach popsicles. all the peach. also owns multiple articles of clothing with peaches on them.

• she owns way too many cowboy hats/boots. you can take the girl out of Tennessee but you can’t take the Tennessee out of the girl.

more tba.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Best friend - Either from childhood or from when she moved to Denver. Someone who indulges all of her dreams and vice versa. They have so much fun together ! A lot of laughter but sometimes they make room for a few tears.

Ex boyfriend - Chaotic, probably. Very on/off whirlwind of emotions type thing. The main muse behind all of her greatest breakup/gooey songs. We’re not good for one another but there might just always be a pull/chance type vibe.

You annoy me but I think I also kind of like it — we butt heads constantly but I maybe also think about kissing you sometimes kind of thing please and thank you. Challenge her please, she loves it really.

First f/f experience - truly an awakening. she still very much loves the boys, but girls ? girls are amazing too.

anything, everything.

[drewandareview]

The Emoji Movie (2017)

Originally published July 29th, 2017

As much as I’m excited by The Emoji Movie potentially becoming the worst reviewed mainstream animated movie of all time, I can’t say it deserves the title.  Simply put, there are mainstream animated movies that I think are even worse.  But also--while I certainly would not call this a good movie--I think that there are aspects of it that I don’t find horrendous like others do.  In fact, I think there are things about this movie I actually like.

A big criticism, and perhaps the main criticism, that people have of this movie is its existence.  A movie was made about emojis, and this is the end of times.  My assumption is that people view emojis as the replacement of words, and therefore, the degredation of a verbal culture.  I think this is an odd conclusion to come to.  I haven’t met or heard of any people who communicate exclusively in emojis instead of words.  Emojis have always seemed to supplement words, a meeting of verbal language with visual language.  And is there a problem with using visual language?  Do we want to go into art galleries to look at paintings of words or something?  I’m not saying emojis belong in an art museum, but I am saying they share the same family as any painting.  As any movie, in fact.  They’re a visual medium.  No, emojis have not evolved to convey very specific or complicated thought--which is why they’re only used as supplements.

When the trailer for this movie came out, I didn’t write it off.  Everyone seems to have forgotten about The LEGO Movie; how everybody judged it as a terrible movie by its premise alone, and then it turned out to be the best animated movie of that year.  I learned from that mistake.  I even thought there was some potential with a movie about emojis.  Emojis are, in a sense, the essence of emotions.  There’s a lot of potential there to tell an emotional story.

And that leads to the second criticism people seem to have of this movie; it’s just like Inside Out.  Inside Out may be my favorite movie of all time, but I’m not going to hold Inside Out against The Emoji Movie.  Yes, they both center around “emotions” with a “human host”.  But there are so many differences.  Inside Out probably shares more similarities with the earlier movie Osmosis Jones, and that didn’t hamper my enjoyment of Inside Out at all.  Because it really shouldn’t.

And of course, nobody is happy at all about the product placement in this movie.  Now I can’t say for sure whether this movie was created in order to be an advertisement.  But did we not learn from The LEGO Movie that it doesn’t really matter if something’s an advertisement?  What matters is how entertaining it is.  What we saw with The Emoji Movie is a very universal world that we haven’t really seen depicted before: The world of the phone.  And phones have apps on them.  Why is it a problem to reference something that millions of people have heard of and use?  Just because somebody is making money?  Things like YouTube and Facebook and Twitter have become a gargantuan part of our culture, and we want to ban them from being featured in a movie because some people will make money?  That makes as much sense as not wanting a movie to take place in New York City because New York City might make more money in tourism.  It’s New York City.  Everyone knows the place.  Who cares about the money?

Now some of the products featured in the movie aren’t so universal.  Candy Crush, while big, is not the giant that Facebook is, and I hadn’t even heard of the Just Dance app.  But I still don’t see how people making money is a problem.  People should be bothered by the scenes if they’re not interesting.  And I have a hard time arguing that a scene where somebody is mistaken as a piece of candy in a game that makes candy explode or a scene where people have a dance-off to the death in a neon vacuum featuring a giant dancer is uninteresting.  These aren’t exactly things that you’ve seen a million times before.  If you would find yourself more entertained by the scenes if they featured “referential knock-offs” like “Kill the Candy” or “X-Treme Dance”, then your sole hangup is that a product was useful.  Does it make you upset when your toilet flushes correctly?

A lot of this movie felt as interesting to me as those other two scenes.  I’ve never seen people riding a literal wave of music before in Spotify.  I haven’t seen somebody walk into an Instagram photo and interact with a moment frozen in time.  I haven’t seen the Dropbox function as an intense thrill ride.  I’ve certainly never seen the Twitter icon be summoned by whistling and used as a vehicle.  The truth is, this all feels fresh to me.  It’s taking a world we’re all very familiar with and adding a creative flair that really builds onto our view of it.

It’s not the worst movie.  I felt it had decent momentum.  I thought the smiley face being evil was really compelling, and the fact it never once stopped smiling made her all the more unnerving.  Her voice actress really pulled it off.  The way the Hi-5 character moved as a hand was fascinating.  Seeing multiple emotions conveyed in monotone isn’t something I’ve seen a lot.  I even thought the poop jokes were okay.  What the fuck do we have against the poop emoji?  It’s in the movie because it’s so fucking popular, and now we’re above that kind of humor?  And sweet fuck, I had thought the ending was so stupid and forced but now I’m actually thinking that it was a good twist with a reasonable resolution.  An emoji that expresses multiple emotions like a gif is a clunky but inventive way to try to convey a single complex feeling.

I am becoming deeply troubled by my own positivity for a movie that is becoming so famously despicable.

Fuck.

I don’t think I hate The Emoji Movie.

When I told this to my friends who had seen the movie with me, they couldn’t look me in the eye.

This is a dangerous opinion to have.  I don’t know if I’m safe anymore.

Listen.  It’s not a great movie.  It wasn’t the caliber of something like The LEGO Movie because it didn’t develop things in the way great movies do.  The characters and the theme were generic, especially the kids using these emojis that really could have helped give the world of emojis more purpose.  It didn’t try to make its story feel important and worthwhile, and it didn’t think of the funniest jokes.  I can see why this movie isn’t considered a good movie.  But is it this bad?  Sure, I probably enjoyed it more than most people because several main criticisms didn’t bother me and I was able to be engaged with the settings.  But even taking my experience out of it, the negativity surrounding this movie is practically absurd to me.  The Emoji Movie doesn’t seem like it should be such a huge piece of shit to people.  It seems more like it should be--an emoji-sized piece of shit.

[alyjojo]

Family Ties 🤍 - July 2023 - Cancer

Overall energy: The Lovers

There’s likely a narcissistic asshole in the family, or that’s the collective opinion, clarification is nodding towards a grandparent, since both areas have 3 Swords involved. Cheating is the story I’m getting here, and a lot of heartbreak surrounding that, it’s been a heavy burden on the entire family and the connection has probably since been severed with that particular person - because Death follows them. But I don’t think that happened immediately, there was a time where everyone was trying to play nice and just dance around this person’s issues for the sake of peace, and having family around. At some point, boundaries had to be drawn. Or it’s possible they’ve already passed on. I’m getting there could be something karmic with them and someone else in the family too, a soul tie of some kind, it’s like it’s unconscious but also…eerily similar.

Mother: 7 Swords & 4 Pentacles

Mom could be the reason everyone put up with the drama person in the family. She is a peacekeeper, probably a bit of a doormat to be honest, a person that would rather play nice and avoid directly confronting issues. A lot of people are like that. She protects her peace overall, and is very patient with everyone’s problems, she is very much an “I love them anyway”, unconditionally loving sort of person. It’s a wonderful thing, and painful for her surely because she’s probably been taken advantage of on several occasions. She puts people before herself, though she has learned to protect herself as best as she can. She is guarded, avoidant, probably also keeps secrets and acts kinda shady, but in a way that’s like “I won’t tell Dad” so you won’t get in trouble. Passive aggressive would explain how she handles things, not at all a confrontational sort of person. Preserving peace at all costs is the goal, she just wants everyone to get along.

Father: 8 Wands & Ace of Wands

Ah. Dad could be this person, or they are the ones with a karmic tie to a parent that’s done the same thing. Could also be Mom with a parent and partner that are similar, what a hard lesson if so. Dad is an impulsive, exciting, very passionate sort of person, they follow where their *ahem* leads them in terms of romance. Or have before. They too have pulled The Lovers. I’m not sure if they cheated on Mom, or with Mom, it could be either side, because I’m not seeing obvious heartbreak with either. But siblings…it’s more obvious, so Dad could have more than one baby mama here, and the pain would lie with the initial family. He is unbothered with it, whoever The Lover was/is, he both loved and was passionate about, all clarifications show him as knowing what he wants and moving towards it, that’s that. He may like to talk a lot, be social, or get really passionate and animated when he’s excited about something. I don’t get asshole vibes like the initial story, so again maybe the story is very similar to their own parent, but they’re not exactly the same.

Siblings: 9 Wands & 6 Swords

Siblings have the pain, you could be the baby of your family, and with a split family like this, it has its own set of challenges where the hurt of the siblings may be projected onto you…not that it’s your fault whatsoever. It’s a very deep wound for them that Dad left, The Tower, they were shocked and never saw this coming. They were shocked how fast everything was replaced, with your Mom, maybe you too, it’s like their entire world changed in the blink of an eye. They’re very nostalgic about the life they had with their parents before this. All of this is normal really. 6 Swords, The Star & The Fool could show them having a prominent Aquarius placement, which would also show them probably being kind of distant with the family in general, because that’s how they typically are, if that sign applies, or this is just how I’m being shown their energy. They may have literally moved a distance away. This does also indicate they have healed from this, or started healing when they moved away from this, removing themselves from this situation was the best thing for them to do. They could be chasing a personal dream of theirs, using this experience as a kind of inspiration for them.

Grandparents: 3 Swords & 7 Pentacles rev

They have a very similar story to your parents but from the opposite side. One grandparent was left, and your father did the leaving, but both had Lovers. This is the main conflict of the family, there could be very little contact with one grandparent, who may have cut off your father and your whole family due to a personal wound and it all being too similar for them to bear it. A lack of respect mostly, it goes against her personal morals…she doesn’t care how he feels, unfortunately. She may be very self-righteous, though one can sympathize, she wields her pain as a weapon of Justice, in her mind. She’s deeply conditioned to hate Mom, not because of anything to do with Mom. That’s the only grandparent coming through here. I don’t know which one is more narcissistic in nature, it could be her that has that issue. But more likely, her ex husband.

Spiritual Ancestors: 4 Wands & 2 Swords rev

You could be largely unconscious to the deeper heartbreak, traumas, triggers, and motivations in your family. You’re just like “what is everyone’s problem??” Again I get “the baby” vibe from you. You were not present when the book of PAIN was written! And everyone said it’s not your business (or problem, and it’s not 💯) Your ancestors are saying now that you’re kinda clued into some of these things, now you understand some of the sadness or regret on some level, that may have confused you for some time…you should reunite with your father, or forgive him, depending on your experience of course. King of Wands is how he comes out, makes sense because he has a lot of fire energy in what I got from him. The love he has for (I assume) Mom, and you, is genuine. He’s someone that follows his passions and is overall a joy to be around from what I can see. He doesn’t subscribe to everyone else’s issues, which may be perceived as selfish, but that’s kinda fire too. He can’t stay down for too long, he wants to be happy and other people need to see that & find their own happiness too - in his mind. Knowing this, you can feel more secure in developing a deeper connection with him and celebrating him as a person. Other people may be mad, but you don’t have to be, in some way he did it all for you or so he could have you ❤️

If not Dad, could be Grandpa, as the counterpart to the Queen of Wands on the grandparents’ side. If he’s still around, this could be showing it’s okay to reunite with him too, and that would be a very good thing. Or…maybe just form your own opinion. This may also be him celebrating his story being told in an impartial way for once, and he’s not the monster he’s portrayed as. If he’s passed on, he could simply be apologizing for the “three” situation, but still confirming he was happy.

Oracle:

Truth

An honest desire to know and speak the truth produces beneficial results.

Recycle

Learn from the past and apply it to creating your vision of the future.

[sixofpomegranates]

The Dove and the Agent | Ch. 31

🕊 Story Masterlist  | 18+ | AO3 | Wattpad 🕊

🔙 Previous Chapter

Chapter CW: Mentions of anxiety/food-alcohol+consumption, jealousy, pining, exes, friends with benefits, Van Gogh,

A/N: Hi! Sorry that it's been so long! As you may have hurt: I published my first NOVEL! (Big thanks to those who told me to unalive myself for publishing it) The Link is in my profile!!

I hope you enjoy the new chapter, and tell me how you like the new cover!

"Do you know that it is very, very necessary for honest people to remain in art? Hardly anyone knows that the secret of beautiful work lies to a great extent in truth and sincere sentiment."

— Vincent Van Gogh

✿ Dove's POV ✿

Today? A total success — I mean, as much as a funeral can be one...

Spencer seemed so happy at the end, even dancing to a song. Not even to mention that he said that I was now his favorite person.

I did not cry because of it, but I definitely wanted to.

I had never been somebody's favorite anything before. I like to think that maybe I would've been Ellie's, but she never understood what I meant with the whole "favorite person" notion of mine... To be fair, I overthink all of it too much anyway.

When the guest had left, and solely the team and I were left at the funeral home, we helped clean up. Afterward, as we actually wanted to go home, Rossi invited us back to his mansion since tomorrow Alex Blake, Aaron Hotchner, and Kate Callahan would be leaving again.

I was a little tired, my batteries drained from all the human interactions, but as I saw how excited Professor Reid seemed, I agreed to it.

It was a lovely, warm evening, so we sat outside in the garden, Penelope and Krystall mixing cocktails for us. I sat next to my Professor, simply listening to the ongoing conversations.

"Here, Kitten," Penelope said, handing me a deep red drink in a sugar-rimmed glass.

"Thanks," I chirped in reply, feeling Spencer eyeing the cocktail. I held it to him, offering him a sip, but he instantly declined, mumbling something about something that red, not seeming healthy.

"So, Dove. You're still in college?" Blake asked me as the previous conversation had died down.

I wasn't exactly excited about having to talk about myself since it wasn't like I had anything interesting to tell, but I nodded, "Yeah. Uhm, I will graduate in July and then directly start my FBI training."

Hotch raised his eyebrows, asking fatherly, "You already got some firearm training?"

Shaking my head, I began fidgeting with my fingers, a little embarrassed, "No. B-But Professor Reid said he'd take me to a shooting range."

As my nervous gaze met Spencer's, he scrunched his nose and grinned at me.

The former BAU Chief nodded, "Okay, the first thing you should learn is not to be afraid of the gun in your hands while also treating it with the uppermost respect. It may be just an inanimate object, but in this job, it is also your partner." While taking a sip from his scotch, he snickered, "Spencer needed years not to get scared by his gun. He even failed his firearms qualification exam in the beginning."

Licking his lips as all laughed, Spencer said, "And now I carry two guns and am an excellent shoot."

Drinking from my cocktail, I was hit with a nice sweetness through and through. It was probably one of those cocktails that hid away just how alcoholic they were—dangerous stuff.

"You like it?" Krystall asked, and I nodded. "It's Pomegranate syrup," Penny explained to the group so everyone having a drink would know.

Leaning over, Spencer whispered into my ear, "Careful, Sweetheart, else you might end up having to spend six months a year in the underworld."

I giggled, looking at him, "Say what you want, but Hades and Persephone had the most unproblematic relationship in all of the Greek pantheon."

He shrugged. "It's not like Zeus made that a difficult task."

Nodding, I giggled, "Yeah, Zeus's a slut." He looked at me, appalled. "Dove." "What? Am I wrong?" I asked, blinking innocently, making him chuckle.

"Who's a slut?" Penelope asked loudly, having parts of our private whispers announced to the whole table.

I quickly shook my head, cheeks starting to become hot as hell. I didn't have the means to explain my unfunny jokes. "Oh, no one. It's nothing."

Tara raised her eyebrows and Emily asked teasingly, "Were we interrupting the fun?"

I quickly shook my head, physically scooting a little away from Spencer while taking a sip from my drink. The awkward silence solely seemed to be noticed by me, but God, the moment was awkward.

Spencer seemed to catch a glimpse of my discomfort, asking Alex quickly, "How's work going?" Turning to me, he explained, "Blake is a professor at Harvard."

"Harvard?" I asked, surprised, feeling my silly little heartstrings being pulled by something I couldn't describe as anything other than melancholia.

The brunette nodded. "Linguistics."

"I always wanted to go to Harvard; they have a great art program," I overshared.

"Can't imagine a smart girl like you didn't get accepted," Aaron said.

I quickly shook my head. "Oh, I did. I actually got accepted by a couple of Ivy League Colleges. I- I just went to Georgetown so I could study with my cousin together."

Ellie. A stinging in my heart, that most certainly had shown in my voice, reminded me so suddenly of her.

Why didn't I think of her lately? What friend was I to just live my life as though my best friend didn't die only a couple of months ago?

Spencer's hand wrapped around my thigh, squeezing it. That guy was reading my mind, I swear.

"You switched majors at Georgetown too," he said, directing the subject into safer waters before I would drown. "Only the final exam was missing to get your title of Master of Fine Arts, right, little bird?"

Kate frowned. "I'm sorry, but how did you go from art to psychology? Not really understandable for me."

"Oh, Uhm, my mom wanted me to change majors because she worried being an Art Major wouldn't get me a real job."

"You know, if you really had all your hours and exams until that, you could ask if you can take the finals with the other students at the end of the semester and get your diploma," Alex informed me.

"Really?" I asked, intrigued and surprised. "Doesn't- Doesn't that mess with my other exams?"

"Only if it's too much for you to learn."

I quickly shook my head, laying one hand on Spencer's and wrapping the other around his wrist.

He chuckled softly as I giggled. "Oh, no. I know that stuff by heart."

"187?" Kate asked. "126," I replied.

"Do you want me to write the dean about it?" my Professor suggested.

I had always wanted to be an artist... Yes, painting and creating art still made me one, but there was something so special to me about having a diploma in the one and only thing I had ever chosen for myself.

My whole life was built on the unsteady ground of academic pressure. My worth was my grades. My hobbies were studying to improve my grades. My mother always discredited my art as a waste of time.

My hobby now academically titling me an artist would prove my mother wrong. It would be something solely for me, something she could never attribute to herself.

This title would be mine.

"Yeah," I whispered.

Spencer smiled. "Sure?"

I nodded. Mom would either don't care or absolutely hate this. She liked to be involved in my academic decisions. "Uh-huh. I want that."

"Look at you, making decisions for yourself," he praised me gently. "Gonna talk to the dean first thing on Monday. Promise."

We smiled at each other, and he squeezed my thigh again. Alex cleared her throat, making us look at her. She took a sip from her beer, smiling at my Professor. "So, Spence, are you seeing somebody at the moment?"

Spencer quickly removed his hand from my thigh, licking his lips which parted into a coy grin. I knew he had no girlfriend, but my wrongly-wired brain still felt anxious about his answer.

He chuckled. "No. No, not at all."

"And you, Dove?" Alex asked.

A very loud laugh escaped me, startling me completely. I quickly shook my head. "Sorry, I- No. No, no chance. I am unfit for any human relationship."

"She's also Franz Kafka," Spencer snickered towards his friend.

"I just relate to that quote," I speedily spoke to my defense.

He nodded teasingly. "Yeah. And you have an awful taste in man. Logan is definitely the blueprint for idiots worldwide."

"Yeah, so? I- Jake's nice, though," I stammered, making him raise his brows. "I was just teasing you a bit, little bird," he said."I didn't know you were still talking to Jake..."

I shrugged, staring down into my drink. I needed to have it sound casual, normal. "I- We're still talking... Kinda. At least once I have the guts to reply to his texts."

Yeah, now that wasn't a dipshit answer at all. I legitimately sounded like a thirteen-year-old.

Penelope looked at me, surprised. "What did he write?" she asked, quickly taking my phone as I held it out to her.

The table became silent, everyone now seeming to be up in my business. Penny cleared her throat dramatically.

"Hey, Dove. Haven't heard from you since our date, and classes switched back to home office. Hope everything is alright. Wanted you to know I had a blast at our date; maybe we could do it again? - J"

I hadn't thought I'd hear from him again, to be honest. I had been awkward and ended up staying with Spencer and the guys, joining their gentleman's night, but apparently, Jake had a blast.

"Aw," Penelope squealed, looking at me. "Why haven't you written back yet?

I shrugged, embarrassed and red-faced.

I mostly didn't write back because I was lost for words. What was I supposed to write? As I'd learned, it takes me ages to build up relationships in a romantic type of way, and I hadn't thought there was a connection between us, even after I'd let him kiss me... So I put it off.

"You want me to tell him off?" Spencer offered promptly.

I shook my head. "N-No," I said, taking my phone back. "I... just need time to figure out what to do."

"If you don't wanna see him again but are too scared to tell him, just let me do it," he insisted.

"I don't know if I don't want to see him again."

My Professor's jaw clenched, and both his eyebrows shot up. "Oh," he said in a suspiciously neutral tone. "Okay."

"It was a nice date," I said.

"You said you two didn't connect." His answer had come so promptly that it threw me off.

"Well, that probably just takes some time. Demisexual and all that, remember?"

"He left you behind at that bar," Spencer frowned, almost disgusted. "Didn't even bother to take you home."

"He left me with you, Derek, Luke, and Matt, because I wanted to stay."

Okay? Was I missing something? Jake was a nice guy, and although at times a little petty, Spencer had no reason to be that upset.

As he shook his head, I asked, "Why don't you like Jake?"

"I don't dislike the boy. I just think someone like you shouldn't date a guy like him," my Professor let out, annoyed.

I furrowed my brows, "Someone like me?"

"A smart, beautiful woman that has options. You could have anyone, so why settle for someone that doesn't sweep you off your feet every second you're together?"

"Yeah, because the guys willing to date me are piling up on my doorstep," I deadpanned.

"Dove," he pressed, making me giggle with a snort.

"No, I'm serious," I insisted with all the sarcasm I had to offer. "It's getting hard opening the door to my apartment. Any more guys, and I'll have to buy a super long ladder and climb in through the window."

"Dove, I am serious." "Well, hi, Serious. I'm Dove."

He looked at me, that one vein on his forehead so much more prominent than usual. "I really don't understand why we're arguing over Jake... It's not like I'm criticizing your relationship with – what's her name? – Max."

"Max is my ex. You can't compare that," he exclaimed, making me answer him just as loudly. "And Jake is a guy that took me on a date ones. See? I told you this conversation is ridiculous."

"I'm just watching out for you, Dove." "Well, don't. I think Jake's a nice guy, and I don't care if I can do better in your opinion."

"Dove," he said as if this talk-ending voice of his had ever made me shut up. "Spencer," I replied, watching the vein on his forehead pulsate.

"Guys?" Kate interrupted us.

We both looked at her and then at the others at the table. Derek looked like he was having a blast. Aaron was pinching the bridge of his nose, still smiling however.

Tara and Emily were snickering something behind their hands; then they applauded us. "Brava," Emily said, lifting her glass in our direction. "Encore," Tara chuckled.

Spencer and I shared a look; both embarrassed over others witnessing our nonsensical bickering.

"We should start charging money for this bit," he sighed, resting a hand on my back and starting to rub circles. "I'm sorry, okay?" he said. "I'm backing off—no more overprotectiveness."

It was annoying but sweet that Spencer was overprotective. I nodded, grinning at him. "It's okay. Old habits die hard, I guess."

"I trust your judgment, Sweetheart. When you say he's a good guy, I'll try not to have Penelope stalk his ass."

Derek let out a deeply amused chuckle."Imagine one of us would've overreacted that much when pretty boy had his first little tête-à-tête."

I tilted my head, some of our friends laughed. "Excuse me?"

I was certain I had just misheard that. Spencer wasn't one for flings... Right?

"Everyone has some adventures in their youth. We only know about Reid's because he joined the BAU so young," Aaron said.

I nodded. "So, you know Spencer for quite a long time now?" He smiled. "Since Gideon got him to join the FBI at twenty-two."

Nodding again, I took another sip of my drink. I wasn't a nosey person... No. Not me.

"You wanna hear that story, don't you?" Derek grinned.

My professor answered faster than I could. "No, she doesn't."

The table went mostly silent, ready to let go of the subject unless I'd say something.

"I'd actually like to know," I mumbled.

Spencer groaned. "No, Sweetheart. Don't be nosey."

"I'm not nosey," I answered. "It's just that everybody else seems to know, and I feel left out."

Sighing, Spencer leaned back against his chair, signaling to our friends to tell me the story.

"Okay, so, you know Lila Archer?" Derek asked. I nodded. Who doesn't at this point? "Good. When she starred in this beach-teen TV show, before the Rom-Com with Dean Havans, she had a stalker."

"Yeah, her friend from Julliard. Mom watched Lila's interview with '60 seconds' on the news when I was five or six," I said.

"The BAU was working on that case, and Spencer was her bodyguard," Aaron added.

Feeling my cheeks heat up, I said, smiling, "Okay, yeah, right. Now you're just messing with me. Got it."

I knew jokes like that; my parents made them all the time. It was funny to them telling me lies and having me fall for them. It was like a party trick for them.

"Nah-uh, pretty girl," Derek said.

Penelope handed me her phone. There was an old cover from a gossip magazine.

'A Mystery Man In Lila's Life?' it read. On it: a very, very young Spencer Reid kissing nonother than Lila Archer.

Derek continued the story. "Me and Elle, a former co-worker, caught a very invested paparazzi taking pictures in the bushes when those two were having a little something in Lila's swimming pool."

"The girls in college would have a field trip with this," I said, voice coated in humor. "I mean, Lila Archer? Seriously."

She was so pretty; it actually felt like a kick to the stomach as my brain involuntarily compared me to her.

I held the screen in Spencer's direction, noting a deep blush on his cheeks and how he avoided my eyes. "It was just a kiss," he insisted.

"Uh-uh. Those hickeys said something else, Spence," a woman joked as she stepped out into the garden accompanied by Portia, who'd come home and seemed to have let her in.

The stranger was pretty, around the same age as my friends. Her almond-shaped dark brown eyes gazed teasingly at my Professor, who jumped up and pullied her into a hug.

One after another, my friends left the table, greeting the dark-haired woman. Her arm was still slung around Spencer's waist; his arm was laid over her shoulders.

I got up as well, to be polite, I assumed. A smile was plastered on my face as I joined them.

Why the fuck were they so touchy with each other?

"Dove," my Professor said. "This is Elle Greenway."

Elle. Okay. I had contacted her via mail days prior but never got an answer.

"Hi," I said, holding my hand out to Elle... Purposefully so she would take her hands off Spencer.

Like, seriously, get a room. Just don't get a room, you know?

She shook my hand, smiling. "Hello."

"Dove's one of my students," Spencer told her half-heartedly while walking her to the table and offering her his seat. "I can't believe you are here. It's been two years, minimum."

One of your students... Uh-huh. Spencer, you're missing a few things. I am not only your student. I'm also:

Your colleague.

And your neighbor.

And your friend.

And your fucking favorite person?

I sat down at the table again, not liking that I had to sit next to this woman I didn't know. Emptying my drink, Penelope quickly replaced it with another, winking at me.

"Don't be jealous, Kitten. They're just old friends," she whispered while I watched Elle running her hand through my Professor's curly mane.

"Not jealous," I whispered back, a little insulted, starting to drink my new, more alcoholic beverage.

*****

After two more glasses, it was fair to say that I was tipsy. Elle was nice, one of those bad bitches who didn't take shit from anybody, having completely encaptured Spencer's attention... Making me annoyed.

I wasn't jealous. I was annoyed.

"I totally saved your life," my Professor insisted as they discussed an old case in which a magic trick performed by him had saved the day.

Portia had joined us shortly after Elle, and since then, I sat between her and Penelope.

"Green's not your color. Take a shot," the blonde said, filling mine, her, and Penny's shot glasses with tequila again.

"I look good in green," I informed her, pouring the burning alcohol down my throat and scrunching my nose at the taste.

Rossi had already decided that we were all going to stay the night. Yet, with Alex, Kate, and Aaron here as well, we needed to share the rooms.

I couldn't stop my face from scrunching up as Elle rested her hand on my Professor's thigh. Way too high up on his thigh, actually. Flirting-territory high.

Standing up and grabbing the tequila bottle, Penelope announced, "Okay, Kitten, Portia, let's go upstairs, fill the air mattress, and change into our jammies."

I was going to stay in a room with Penny and Luke. Where Spencer was going to sleep was a mystery to me since he was too busy catching up with his friends, but that wasn't my problem... Just didn't know if I could sleep without my white-noise koala.

Portia pulled me to my feet, and we walked inside. In her bedroom, Penelope and I sat on the bed while the blonde searched through her closet.

She threw short hot pants and a tank top at me. "You think Spencer and this Elle are doing it?" she asked, making me choke on the sip of tequila I had just taken.

"No," I said, irritated. "He- He just came out of a relationship a couple of months ago."

"As far as I know, they're just friends," Penny said, changing into the pajamas from her go-bag she kept in her car.

"They have that energy between them, though," Portia said while I turned my back to them to change into the clothes she'd handed me. Looking me up and down, she added, "That looks hot on you."

In the mirror in the far left corner of Portia's bedroom, I inspected the scratches on my throat. I was a lot of things, but hot wasn't one of them.

We walked into the guest bedroom and let the electronic air pump blow up the mattress while we continued drinking.

"So, you snatched yourself a Luke Alvez," Portia started. "How's it going?"

Squealing happily, Penelope chirped, "Amazing. Like, I knew he's a great man, but now I know know he's a great man."

"Sounds awesome, Penny," I said, having her pet my knee.

"I'm sorry, Kitten. I didn't want to rub it into your face."

"You didn't?" I told her, confused, taking another sip of tequila. "I'm really happy for you and Luke. You're my friends."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely," I assured her. "No matter what my situation is, I would never not be happy for you out of envy."

"Okay, then..." Penny said with a dramatic pause. "We're thinking about moving in together."

"Already?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes. Luke has two dogs, as you know, and my apartment is too small... So now the question is if I move into Luke's house, or we buy a new one."

"That's great. I- I'll help on moving day if you want," I offered. "I hope I'm one day as in love as you two are."

"Can't believe you're single," Portia said. "You are so cute."

I shook my head. "I'm basic at best, and my trauma didn't even make me funny, only weird."

"Don't say shit like that," the blonde scolded me. Penelope agreed. "You are amazing, smart, pretty, and kind."

They passed the bottle between them, and I asked, "Do you really think Spencer and Elle have something going on?"

"So you are into him," Portia said, but I shook my head.

"N-No. I don't really feel things like that. Also, is Spencer, my favorite person, and having any non-platonic feelings for him would ruin that," I explain, blushing.

"What's a favorite person?" Portia asked, making me shrug while thinking of how to explain it without seeming like a crazy person.

"It's like a comfort person, I guess. Somebody who knows that you're broken but still stays. Somebody who makes you feel like you're worth the effort."

The silence between us was broken when Penny said, "Okay. That just killed me." She wiped a non-existent tear from her eye. "Does Reid know how you feel about him?"

I nodded. "I- I don't know if he fully grasps the concept of the title, but he lives up to it as though he does."

"I say that's love," Portia announced. As I shook my head, she added, "That level of feelings is love. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter."

Taking the last sip from the tequila bottle, I said, "The thing that bugs me about all about Elle is just the same as with Max, JJ, and Lila fucking Archer. They are so pretty and confident and have their shit together. Why is that his type? I'm really starting to get an inferiority complex."

"Two things," Portia said, holding up three fingers but quickly collecting herself. "First, stop comparing yourself to others. No matter how beautiful you think a person is, some will always disagree with you. Secondly, you're scared that Spencer could like anybody more than you."

"Because if he has a girlfriend, he'll stop spending time with me. I bet she wouldn't be the biggest fan of me sleeping in Spencer's bed or him calling me Sweetheart, either..." I said, guilt filling me. "I'm selfish. He deserves to be happy, but it legitimately makes me want to vomit."

"Yeah, it's selfish," Penny agreed. "Thanks," I answered sarcastically. "But Spencer is no better. Why else do you think he doesn't like Jake?"

I shrugged, making Penelope give Portia a quick rundown of who Jake was.

"Oh," Portia laughed at the part where Penelope shared her theory of the migraine Spencer had gotten last week being actually jealousy induced. "He is so jealous. You two are literally matching that one Ariana Grande song."

Both started singing Boyfriend, absolutely motivated and completely off-key.

Wanting to take another sip, I noted the empty bottle. "Not drunk enough for this shit."

"You know what that means," Portia laughed. "Let's go downstairs and get another bottle."

We walked downstairs, about to enter the kitchen, when Penelope stopped us. There were two people inside, talking. One was Elle, and the other person, standing with their back in our direction, was Spencer.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with Max," Elle said.

Spencer sighed. "Well, what can you do? At least we didn't end entirely on bad terms. You're sure you wanna go back to the hotel? You could stay here."

"Why?" Elle asked. "You offering to share a room with me?"

Stepping closer and rubbing her hand over his chest, she said. "It's been a while. Why don't you just come with me, and we spend the night as we would before your relationship?"

Oh. Portia had read the signs right. I swallowed roughly, sharing a look with the two blondes. Maybe we should spy on them.

"Let's go back upstairs," I whispered, tugging on Penny's arm. "Eavesdropping is a shitty thing to do."

Spencer leaned down closer to Elle, and that was when Portia grabbed my hand and dragged me back to mine and Penelope's room.

Fuck. It shouldn't even bother me as much as it did. Spencer was a single man who was allowed to have as many casual flings and fuck buddies as he wanted to. It was none of my business.

Drunk Dove truly was a jealous bitch.

*****

♜ Spencer's POV ♜

"I can't," I told Elle, taking her hands off my chest and holding them in mine.

Of course, never when I was in a relationship, but Elle and I had made it a habit of seeing each other casually whenever she was in town after leaving the FBI.

Now that I was single, it was more than fair for her to assume I would take her up on her offer and fuck her silly to get rid of pent-up tension, but I didn't feel any interest in her anymore.

She was still a friend, and I had been thrilled to see her since she wasn't the most reliable person when it came to keeping in touch, but my body held no desire for her since my heart already lived elsewhere.

"Can I ask why?" she questioned calmly.

"Dove," was all I said.

"Your student?" "She's so much more than just a student," I said, holding back the urge to brag about my little bird.

Elle tilted her head. "I didn't know you two are-" I interrupted her. "We aren't."

A grin spread on her lips. "Spencer Reid, are you in love?"

I nodded, cheeks burning. "Very much so."

"Haven't heard you say that since Maeve," she said. "Too bad I didn't get to talk to her much."

"Dove's shy and today probably very drunk, thanks to Portia and Penelope."

We both chuckled.

"How bout us having some lunch before I leave tomorrow? You could bring her along," Elle suggested as I brought her to the front door, a cab already waiting outside.

"I'll check if she's up for it. Else it'll be just the two of us," I promised her, holding open the door for her.

"Stop talking to me like that, or I'll take you back to the hotel with me," she warned jokingly, hugging me goodbye.

"Back off, woman. I told you I'm devoted to another," I joked back.

I waited until Elle was in the cab, then returned to the kitchen, where Dove and Portia were in the midst of stealing some snacks and alcohol.

"Oh. Hey, ladies," I greeted them, Dove looking at me shortly with a tight-lipped smile.

"Hi," she mumbled, continuing to unpack frozen pizza pockets and putting them on a plate.

Portia looked me up and down with a smile. "Where's Elle?" she asked, something in her voice almost sounding like an allegation.

"Drove back to her hotel," I answered casually.

Portia nodded. "Didn't think she's your type, tbh, but like, good for you."

"We're just friends," I told Rossi's stepdaughter. "Did I do something to upset the two of you?"

Dove elbowed the blonde gently, them exchanging a look, and then she smiled at me. "She's nice... From what I could see, I mean," my little bird rambled. "Didn't really talk to her a lot; she also never answered the mail I sent, but yeah... Nice."

"Glad to hear that, Sweetheart," I answered, hoping she wasn't being passive-aggressive right now. "She actually asked us to have lunch with her tomorrow before she leaves."

"Us?" Portia asked, laughing teasingly while taking the pizza pockets from the microwave. "Don't think Dove's into threesomes."

I watched Dove become pale instantly. "I'm not into sex in general," she informed her new friend, taking the bottle of tequila from her. "Tequila makes you aggressive."

The blonde looked at her. "Tequila makes me woke."

"Nobody using the word 'woke' is actually as aware of things as they believe to be," Dove giggled, taking one of the pizza pockets. "Why don't you go upstairs with the food and the wine?"

Portia nodded, trying to grab the tequila again, but Dove moved it away. "Uh-uh. I'm cutting you off before you end up in a fistfight."

As we were alone, I asked, "Did I do something to make her hate me?"

Doce shook her head, blushing. "W-We might've overheard you and Elle talking earlier."

No. Fuck.

God, please tell me Dove didn't hear me say I'm in love with her.

"Oh, I- uhm... What did you hear?" I stammered.

"Nothing," my little bird smiled.

"You're lying."

"Just to make you feel better," she assured. "We shouldn't have spied on you."

I stepped closer. Did she know?

"You look pale," Dove mumbled, hand reaching out to my cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just a little tired," I lied.

She quickly withdrew her hand, brushing some of her white-blonde mane behind her ears. "Are you leaving soon?"

I furrowed my brows. "Why should I leave? We were going to stay the night."

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay... Guess I just thought you'd leave with Elle because..." Her voice fell silent as she broke eye contact.

"Can you tell me what you overheard?" I asked as it dawned on me that the picture she had of me right now wasn't the best. "From favorite person to favorite person?"

"Just that you and Elle are... You know," Dove said, quickly looking at me. "I- I'm not judging. Elle is very pretty, and you seem to get along well. I just thought you'd take her up on the offer to drive to her hotel together, and yeah, guess I was wrong."

She thought I was having sex with Elle... Which wasn't entirely wrong, but she definitely missed the most crucial part of it all. Herself.

Elle and I? We were in the past.

Now I just needed to convince Dove about it without dropping the "I love you"-bomb on her.

"Elle and I, we-"

She interrupted me, smiling. "You don't have to justify yourself. It's also none of my business who you're hooking up with."

"We're not hooking up," I said. "We did... In the past, but not anymore."

"So you're just friends now?" I nodded, making her tilt her head. "I don't get that. How do you turn that kind of emotions just off?"

"It was just sex, no love," I chuckled.

Dove shrugged, taking a sip of tequila straight from the bottle. "Guess that's the demisexuality for me 'cause I can't separate those two things. Casual sex is so weird to me. I mean, sex in general because but, yeah... You know what I mean."

I nodded. "I know what you mean, Sweetheart."

She shifted her weight to her other side, wobbling.

"How drunk are you?" I asked, making her giggle.

"Pretty drunk," she answered, breaking her pizza pocket and handing me one of the halves.

I took a bite, burning my tongue. "That is so hot," I exclaimed, gulping firey tequila to save my tongue.

"It's fresh out of the microwave. What did you expect?" Dove giggled.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against my chest, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Can I tell you something?" she asked quietly.

"Everything."

"Portia asked me what a favorite person is because I mentioned that you're mine, and I had a pretty hard time explaining it..." she started. "Do you know what I mean when I tell you that you're my favorite person?"

I nodded, "I think I do."

Her big blue eyes stared at me. "Can I try to explain it to you anyway? Just to make sure?"

"Of course," I said.

I held the title of favorite person dear to my heart. I was sure to know what she meant, but there was no harm in hearing it come from her heart-shaped lips.

"I'm all ears," I cooed.

"My favorite artist is Vincent Van Gogh," she said.

"Something within me resonates with him ever since I was little. He struggled with his mental health, his parents didn't understand him—even asked him to move out, he was often treated like he was crazy, and he couldn't keep a job although he wanted nothing more than to be needed and do good.

"It already started off wrong when he was born. There were expectations put upon him he just couldn't fulfill. His still grieving parents named him after his older brother, who died at birth the year prior, with whom Vincent even shared a birthday..."

Dove shook her head, wavy white-blond her framing her face. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. What I want to say is: Vincent Van Gogh had a brother named Theodorus—or Theo for short. He actually had five more siblings, but bear with me here," she said gently.

"Although Vincent had a good relationship with all his siblings... his and Theo's was special. Theo was four years younger, but he was sort of taking on the big brother role. He encouraged Vincent to start painting as he wanted to be an artist but didn't dare to, he bought him paint, he financially supported him.

"Theo would say that he was able to sell Vincent's paintings at his job as an art dealer and gave him money, yet what actually happened was that nobody wanted those paintings. So Theo lied and secretly hoarded all the paintings at home because he believed in Vincent and knew that one day the world would appreciate his brother's art as much as he did.

"He was there when Vincent needed to be institutionalized and made sure he was allowed to continue painting in there. He could've just let Vincent rot there as so many did back in the day with mentally ill family members, but he didn't.

"Theo said that loving his brother was hard at times as it felt like Vincent was torn between two different personalities, but his unwavering love for him always stayed strong.

"When Vincent then was on his deathbed, Theo wasted no time traveling to him and sat next to his brother until he died."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Dove blinked away some tears. "Shortly after Vincent's death, Theo lost it, having to be institutionalized. He died only six months after this brother, some saying he couldn't handle the loss of Vincent as he was his only friend. It was simply too much. His wife Johanna made sure they could be together in death, burying the brothers side by side in a commune in France.

"Vincent was Theo's favorite person and vice versa. I never loved anybody like that except for Ellie. So, when I tell you that you're my favorite person, I mean that you are the Theo to my Vincent. That I know, I can trust you to be there for me even when I am too broken to be loved."

Dove wiped away her tears; I helped her while blinking away mine. Her explanation was so personal, raw, and vulnerable. I didn't wonder that she struggled to define it to Portia.

I still hadn't thought about how I would go about my feelings toward her. I didn't know if she would ever romantically return them, but I was okay with this.

Pure, unapologetic love.

Her words explained it better than I ever could. Seeing the other's most ugly self and still loving them was special and a deeper form of love than I'd ever experienced.

Dove loved me as her Theo, and would never stop, even if I'd turn into Vincent.

I wiped some tears from my eyes, knowing that I would go through all the hardships my life had given me one hundred times again if this would be where I would end up.

"I love you too, little bird," I promised her. "Always will, as much as you'll need me to."

I respected the wobbly line of platonic love between us, but how platonic was love between soulmates? Was it even to be separated in platonic and romantic love, or was it so much more than any of our simple-minded human words could describe?

Dove smiled at me, stating, "I need a hug."

Within seconds I had pulled her into one. Pressing her face into my chest, she mumbled, "I miss Ellie. Don't know why, but today it hurts again."

I gently rubbed her back. "It's okay. I understand it."

"I know. You always do," she said. "You're my person."

She pulled away from the hug, looking at the cold pizza pocket and the open tequila bottle on the kitchen counter.

"Are you staying with Penny, Luke, and me? We could share the air mattress on the floor," she asked, making me kiss her forehead.

"Of course," I said. "But just be warned that I'm getting too used to us sleeping in the same bed.

She giggled. "Ditto. We're so co-dependent."

"So, does my favorite person come to lunch with me tomorrow?" I asked, making her forehead crease. "You do not have to, Sweetheart."

"Only if you promise I won't see you flirting with Elle," Dove finally said, sounding a little jealous. "That would be so awkward. Don't wanna be the third wheel."

I chuckled, promising her I wouldn't.

How should I even look at another woman if my heart had already arrived, anyway?

[path-of-my-childhood]

Musicians On Musicians: Paul McCartney & Taylor Swift

By: Patrick Doyle for Rolling Stone Date: November 13th 2020

On songwriting secrets, making albums at home, and what they’ve learned during the pandemic.

Taylor Swift arrived early to Paul McCartney’s London office in October, “mask on, brimming with excitement.” “I mostly work from home these days,” she writes about that day, “and today feels like a rare school field trip that you actually want to go on.”

Swift showed up without a team, doing her own hair and makeup. In addition to being two of the most famous pop songwriters in the world, Swift and McCartney have spent the past year on similar journeys. McCartney, isolated at home in the U.K., recorded McCartney III. Like his first solo album, in 1970, he played nearly all of the instruments himself, resulting in some of his most wildly ambitious songs in a long time. Swift also took some new chances, writing over email with the National’s Aaron Dessner and recording the raw Folklore, which abandons arena pop entirely in favor of rich character songs. It’s the bestselling album of 2020.

Swift listened to McCartney III as she prepared for today’s conversation; McCartney delved into Folkore. Before the photo shoot, Swift caught up with his daughters Mary (who would be photographing them) and Stella (who designed Swift’s clothes; the two are close friends). “I’ve met Paul a few times, mostly onstage at parties, but we’ll get to that later,” Swift writes. “Soon he walks in with his wife, Nancy. They’re a sunny and playful pair, and I immediately feel like this will be a good day. During the shoot, Paul dances and takes almost none of it too seriously and sings along to Motown songs playing from the speakers. A few times Mary scolds, ‘Daaad, try to stand still!’ And it feels like a window into a pretty awesome family dynamic. We walk into his office for a chat, and after I make a nervous request, Paul is kind enough to handwrite my favorite lyric of his and sign it. He makes a joke about me selling it, and I laugh because it’s something I know I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. That’s around the time when we start talking about music.”

Taylor Swift: I think it’s important to note that if this year had gone the way that we thought it was going to go, you and I would have played Glastonbury this year, and instead, you and I both made albums in isolation.

Paul McCartney: Yeah!

Swift: And I remember thinking it would have been so much fun because the times that I’ve run into you, I correlate with being some of the most fun nights of my life. I was at a party with you, when everybody just started playing music. And it was Dave Grohl playing, and you...

McCartney: You were playing one of his songs, weren’t you?

Swift: Yes, I was playing his song called “Best of You,” but I was playing it on piano, and he didn’t recognize it until about halfway through. I just remember thinking, “Are you the catalyst for the most fun times ever?” Is it your willingness to get up and play music that makes everyone feel like this is a thing that can happen tonight?

McCartney: I mean, I think it’s a bit of everything, isn’t it? I’ll tell you who was very... Reese Witherspoon was like, “Are you going to sing?” I said “Oh, I don’t know.” She said, “You’ve got to, yeah!” She’s bossing me around. So I said, “Whoa,” so it’s a bit of that.

Swift: I love that person, because the party does not turn musical without that person.

McCartney: Yeah, that’s true.

Swift: If nobody says, “Can you guys play music?” we’re not going to invite ourselves up onstage at whatever living-room party it is.

McCartney: I seem to remember Woody Harrelson got on the piano, and he starts playing “Let It Be,” and I’m thinking, “I can do that better.” So I said, “Come on, move over, Woody.” So we’re both playing it. It was really nice... I love people like Dan Aykroyd, who’s just full of energy and he loves his music so much, but he’s not necessarily a musician, but he just wanders around the room, just saying, “You got to get up, got to get up, do some stuff.”

Swift: I listened to your new record. And I loved a lot of things about it, but it really did feel like kind of a flex to write, produce, and play every instrument on every track. To me, that’s like flexing a muscle and saying, “I can do all this on my own if I have to.”

McCartney: Well, I don’t think like that, I must admit. I just picked up some of these instruments over the years. We had a piano at home that my dad played, so I picked around on that. I wrote the melody to “When I’m 64” when I was, you know, a teenager.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: When the Beatles went to Hamburg, there were always drum kits knocking around, so when there was a quiet moment, I’d say, “Do you mind if I have a knock around?” So I was able to practice, you know, without practicing. That’s why I play right-handed. Guitar was just the first instrument I got. Guitar turned to bass; it also turned into ukulele, mandolin. Suddenly, it’s like, “Wow,” but it’s really only two or three instruments.

Swift: Well, I think that’s downplaying it a little bit. In my mind, it came with a visual of you being in the country, kind of absorbing the sort of do-it-yourself [quality] that has had to come with the quarantine and this pandemic. I found that I’ve adapted a do-it-yourself mentality to a lot of things in my career that I used to outsource.  I’m just wondering what a day of recording in the pandemic looked like for you.

McCartney: Well, I’m very lucky because I have a studio that’s, like, 20 minutes away from where I live. We were in lockdown on a farm, a sheep farm with my daughter Mary and her four kids and her husband. So I had four of my grandkids, I had Mary, who’s a great cook, so I would just drive myself to the studio. And there were two other guys that could come in and we’d be very careful and distanced and everything: my engineer Steve, and then my equipment guy Keith. So the three of us made the record, and I just started off. I had to do a little bit of film music - I had to do an instrumental for a film thing - so I did that. And I just kept going, and that turned into the opening track on the album. I would just come in, say, “Oh, yeah, what are we gonna do?” [Then] have some sort of idea, and start doing it. Normally, I’d start with the instrument I wrote it on, either piano or guitar, and then probably add some drums and then a bit of bass till it started to sound like a record, and then just gradually layer it all up. It was fun.

Swift: That’s so cool.

McCartney: What about yours? You’re playing guitar and piano on yours.

Swift: Yeah, on some of it, but a lot of it was made with Aaron Dessner, who’s in a band called the National that I really love. And I had met him at a concert a year before, and I had a conversation with him, asking him how he writes. It’s my favorite thing to ask people who I’m a fan of. And he had an interesting answer. He said, “All the band members live in different parts of the world. So I make tracks. And I send them to our lead singer, Matt, and he writes the top line.” I just remember thinking, “That is really efficient.” And I kind of stored it in my brain as a future idea for a project. You know, how you have these ideas... “Maybe one day I’ll do this.” I always had in my head: “Maybe one day I’ll work with Aaron Dessner.”

So when lockdown happened, I was in L.A., and we kind of got stuck there. It’s not a terrible place to be stuck. We were there for four months maybe, and during that time, I sent an email to Aaron Dessner and I said, “Do you think you would want to work during this time? Because my brain is all scrambled, and I need to make something, even if we’re just kind of making songs that we don’t know what will happen...”

McCartney: Yeah, that was the thing. You could do stuff -  you didn’t really worry it was going to turn into anything.

Swift: Yeah, and it turned out he had been writing instrumental tracks to keep from absolutely going crazy during the pandemic as well, so he sends me this file of probably 30 instrumentals, and the first one I opened ended up being a song called “Cardigan,” and it really happened rapid-fire like that. He’d send me a track; he’d make new tracks, add to the folder; I would write the entire top line for a song, and he wouldn’t know what the song would be about, what it was going to be called, where I was going to put the chorus. I had originally thought, “Maybe I’ll make an album in the next year, and put it out in January or something,” but it ended up being done and we put it out in July. And I just thought there are no rules anymore, because I used to put all these parameters on myself, like, “How will this song sound in a stadium? How will this song sound on radio?” If you take away all the parameters, what do you make? And I guess the answer is Folklore.

McCartney: And it’s more music for yourself than music that’s got to go do a job. My thing was similar to that: After having done this little bit of film music, I had a lot of stuff that I had been working on, but I’d said, “I’m just going home now,” and it’d be left half-finished. So I just started saying, “Well, what about that? I never finished that.” So we’d pull it out, and we said, “Oh, well, this could be good.” And because it didn’t have to amount to anything, I would say, “Ah, I really want to do tape loops. I don’t care if they fit on this song, I just want to do some.” So I go and make some tape loops, and put them in the song, just really trying to do stuff that I fancy.

I had no idea it would end up as an album; I may have been a bit less indulgent, but if a track was eight minutes long, to tell you the truth, what I thought was, “I’ll be taking it home tonight, Mary will be cooking, the grandkids will all be there running around, and someone, maybe Simon, Mary’s husband, is going to say, ‘What did you do today?’ And I’m going to go, ‘Oh,’ and then get my phone and play it for them.” So this became the ritual.

Swift: That’s the coziest thing I’ve ever heard.

McCartney: Well, it’s like eight minutes long, and I said, “I hate it when I’m playing someone something and it finishes after three minutes.” I kind of like that it just [continues] on.

Swift: You want to stay in the zone.

McCartney: It just keeps going on. I would just come home, “Well, what did you do today?” “Oh, well, I did this. I’m halfway through this,” or, “We finished this.”

Swift: I was wondering about the numerology element to McCartney III. McCartney I, II, and III have all come out on years with zeroes.

McCartney: Ends of decades.

Swift: Was that important?

McCartney: Yeah, well, this was being done in 2020, and I didn’t really think about it. I think everyone expected great things of 2020. “It’s gonna be great! Look at that number! 2020! Auspicious!” Then suddenly Covid hit, and it was like, “That’s gonna be auspicious all right, but maybe for the wrong reasons.” Someone said to me, “Well, you put out McCartney right after the Beatles broke up, and that was 1970, and then you did McCartney II in 1980.” And I said, “Oh, I’m going to release this in 2020 just for whatever you call it, the numerology...”

Swift: The numerology, the kind of look, the symbolism. I love numbers. Numbers kind of rule my whole world. The numbers 13... 89 is a big one. I have a few others that I find...

McCartney: Thirteen is lucky for some.

Swift: Yeah, it’s lucky for me. It’s my birthday. It’s all these weird coincidences of good things that have happened. Now, when I see it places, I look at it as a sign that things are going the way they’re supposed to. They may not be good now, they could be painful now, but things are on a track. I don’t know, I love the numerology.

McCartney: It’s spooky, Taylor. It’s very spooky. Now wait a minute: Where’d you get 89?

Swift: That’s when I was born, in 1989, and so I see it in different places and I just think it’s...

McCartney: No, it’s good. I like that, where certain things you attach yourself to, and you get a good feeling off them. I think that’s great.

Swift: Yeah, one of my favorite artists, Bon Iver, he has this thing with the number 22. But I was also wondering: You have always kind of seeked out a band or a communal atmosphere with like, you know, the Beatles and Wings, and then Egypt Station. I thought it was interesting when I realized you had made a record with no one else. I just wondered, did that feel natural?

McCartney: It’s one of the things I’ve done. Like with McCartney, because the Beatles had broken up, there was no alternative but to get a drum kit at home, get a guitar, get an amp, get a bass, and just make something for myself. So on that album, which I didn’t really expect to do very well, I don’t think it did. But people sort of say, “I like that. It was a very casual album.” It didn’t really have to mean anything. So I’ve done that, the play-everything-myself thing. And then I discovered synths and stuff, and sequencers, so I had a few of those at home. I just thought I’m going to play around with this and record it, so that became McCartney II. But it’s a thing I do. Certain people can do it. Stevie Wonder can do it. Stevie Winwood, I believe, has done it. So there are certain people quite like that.

When you’re working with someone else, you have to worry about their variances. Whereas your own variance, you kind of know it. It’s just something I’ve grown to like. Once you can do it, it becomes a little bit addictive. I actually made some records under the name the Fireman.

Swift: Love a pseudonym.

McCartney: Yeah, for the fun! But, you know, let’s face it, you crave fame and attention when you’re young. And I just remembered the other day, I was the guy in the Beatles that would write to journalists and say [speaks in a formal voice]: “We are a semiprofessional rock combo, and I’d think you’d like [us]... We’ve written over 100 songs (which was a lie), my friend John and I. If you mention us in your newspaper...” You know, I was always, like, craving the attention.

Swift: The hustle! That’s so great, though.

McCartney: Well, yeah, you need that.

Swift: Yeah, I think, when a pseudonym comes in is when you still have a love for making the work and you don’t want the work to become overshadowed by this thing that’s been built around you, based on what people know about you. And that’s when it’s really fun to create fake names and write under them.

McCartney: Do you ever do that?

Swift: Oh, yeah.

McCartney: Oh, yeah? Oh, well, we didn’t know that! Is that a widely known fact?

Swift: I think it is now, but it wasn’t. I wrote under the name Nils Sjöberg because those are two of the most popular names of Swedish males. I wrote this song called “This Is What You Came For” that Rihanna ended up singing. And nobody knew for a while. I remembered always hearing that when Prince wrote “Manic Monday,” they didn’t reveal it for a couple of months.

McCartney: Yeah, it also proves you can do something without the fame tag. I did something for Peter and Gordon; my girlfriend’s brother and his mate were in a band called Peter and Gordon. And I used to write under the name Bernard Webb.

Swift: [Laughs.] That’s a good one! I love it.

McCartney: As Americans call it, Ber-nard Webb. I did the Fireman thing. I worked with a producer, a guy called Youth, who’s this real cool dude. We got along great. He did a mix for me early on, and we got friendly. I would just go into the studio, and he would say, “Hey, what about this groove?” and he’d just made me have a little groove going. He’d say, “You ought to put some bass on it. Put some drums on it.” I’d just spend the whole day putting stuff on it. And we’d make these tracks, and nobody knew who Fireman was for a while. We must have sold all of 15 copies.

Swift: Thrilling, absolutely thrilling.

McCartney: And we didn’t mind, you know?

Swift: I think it’s so cool that you do projects that are just for you. Because I went with my family to see you in concert in 2010 or 2011, and the thing I took away from the show most was that it was the most selfless set list I had ever seen. It was completely geared toward what it would thrill us to hear. It had new stuff, but it had every hit we wanted to hear, every song we’d ever cried to, every song people had gotten married to, or been brokenhearted to. And I just remembered thinking, “I’ve got to remember that,” that you do that set list for your fans.

McCartney: You do that, do you?

Swift: I do now. I think that learning that lesson from you taught me at a really important stage in my career that if people want to hear “Love Story” and “Shake It Off,” and I’ve played them 300 million times, play them the 300-millionth-and-first time. I think there are times to be selfish in your career, and times to be selfless, and sometimes they line up.

McCartney: I always remembered going to concerts as a kid, completely before the Beatles, and I really hoped they would play the ones I loved. And if they didn’t, it was kind of disappointing. I had no money, and the family wasn’t wealthy. So this would be a big deal for me, to save up for months to afford the concert ticket.

Swift: Yeah, it feels like a bond. It feels like that person on the stage has given something, and it makes you as a crowd want to give even more back, in terms of applause, in terms of dedication. And I just remembered feeling that bond in the crowd, and thinking, “He’s up there playing these Beatles songs, my dad is crying, my mom is trying to figure out how to work her phone because her hands are shaking so much.” Because seeing the excitement course through not only me, but my family and the entire crowd in Nashville, it just was really special. I love learning lessons and not having to learn them the hard way. Like learning nice lessons I really value.

McCartney: Well, that’s great, and I’m glad that set you on that path. I understand people who don’t want to do that, and if you do, they’ll say, “Oh, it’s a jukebox show.” I hear what they’re saying. But I think it’s a bit of a cheat, because the people who come to our shows have spent a lot of money. We can afford to go to a couple of shows and it doesn’t make much difference. But a lot of ordinary working folks... it’s a big event in their life, and so I try and deliver. I also, like you say, try and put in a few weirdos.

Swift: That’s the best. I want to hear current things, too, to update me on where the artist is. I was wondering about lyrics, and where you were lyrically when you were making this record. Because when I was making Folklore, I went lyrically in a total direction of escapism and romanticism. And I wrote songs imagining I was, like, a pioneer woman in a forbidden love affair [laughs]. I was completely...

McCartney: Was this “I want to give you a child”? Is that one of the lines?

Swift: Oh, that’s a song called “Peace.”

McCartney: “Peace,” I like that one.

Swift: “Peace” is actually more rooted in my personal life. I know you have done a really excellent job of this in your personal life: carving out a human life within a public life, and how scary that can be when you do fall in love and you meet someone, especially if you’ve met someone who has a very grounded, normal way of living. I, oftentimes, in my anxieties, can control how I am as a person and how normal I act and rationalize things, but I cannot control if there are 20 photographers outside in the bushes and what they do and if they follow our car and if they interrupt our lives. I can’t control if there’s going to be a fake weird headline about us in the news tomorrow.

McCartney: So how does that go? Does your partner sympathize with that and understand?

Swift: Oh, absolutely.

McCartney: They have to, don’t they?

Swift: But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture - the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave? Stella always tells me that she had as normal a childhood as she could ever hope for under the circumstances.

McCartney: Yeah, it was very important to us to try and keep their feet on the ground amongst the craziness.

Swift: She went to a regular school...

McCartney: Yeah, she did.

Swift: And you would go trick-or-treating with them, wearing masks.

McCartney: All of them did, yeah. It was important, but it worked pretty well, because when they kind of reached adulthood, they would meet other kids who might have gone to private schools, who were a little less grounded.

And they could be the budding mothers to [kids]. I remember Mary had a friend, Orlando. Not Bloom. She used to really counsel him. And it’s ’cause she’d gone through that. Obviously, they got made fun of, my kids. They’d come in the classroom and somebody would sing, “Na na na na,” you know, one of the songs. And they’d have to handle that. They’d have to front it out.

Swift: Did that give you a lot of anxiety when you had kids, when you felt like all this pressure that’s been put on me is spilling over onto them, that they didn’t sign up for it? Was that hard for you?

McCartney: Yeah, a little bit, but it wasn’t like it is now. You know, we were just living a kind of semi-hippie life, where we withdrew from a lot of stuff. The kids would be doing all the ordinary things, and their school friends would be coming up to the house and having parties, and it was just great. I remember one lovely evening when it was Stella’s birthday, and she brought a bunch of school kids up. And, you know, they’d all ignore me. It happens very quickly. At first they’re like, “Oh, yeah, he’s like a famous guy,” and then it’s like [yawns]. I like that. I go in the other room and suddenly I hear this music going on. And one of the kids, his name was Luke, and he’s doing break dancing.

Swift: Ohhh!

McCartney: He was a really good break dancer, so all the kids are hanging out. That allowed them to be kind of normal with those kids. The other thing is, I don’t live fancy. I really don’t. Sometimes it’s a little bit of an embarrassment, if I’ve got someone coming to visit me, or who I know…

Swift: Cares about that stuff?

McCartney: Who’s got a nice big house, you know. Quincy Jones came to see me and I’m, like, making him a veggie burger or something. I’m doing some cooking. This was after I’d lost Linda, in between there. But the point I’m making is that I’m very consciously thinking, “Oh, God, Quincy’s got to be thinking, ‘What is this guy on? He hasn’t got big things going on. It’s not a fancy house at all. And we’re eating in the kitchen! He’s not even got the dining room going,’” you know?

Swift: I think that sounds like a perfect day.

McCartney: But that’s me. I’m awkward like that. That’s my kind of thing. Maybe I should have, like, a big stately home. Maybe I should get a staff. But I think I couldn’t do that. I’d be so embarrassed. I’d want to walk around dressed as I want to walk around, or naked, if I wanted to.

Swift: That can’t happen in Downton Abbey.

McCartney: [Laughs.] Exactly.

Swift: I remember what I wanted to know about, which is lyrics. Like, when you’re in this kind of strange, unparalleled time, and you’re making this record, are lyrics first? Or is it when you get a little melodic idea?

McCartney: It was a bit of both. As it kind of always is with me. There’s no fixed way. People used to ask me and John, “Well, who does the words, who does the music?” I used to say, “We both do both.” We used to say we don’t have a formula, and we don’t want one. Because the minute we get a formula, we should rip it up. I will sometimes, as I did with a couple of songs on this album, sit down at the piano and just start noodling around, and I’ll get a little idea and start to fill that out. So the lyrics - for me, it’s following a trail. I’ll start [sings “Find My Way,” a song from “McCartney III”]: “I can find my way. I know my left from right, da da da.” And I’ll just sort of fill it in. Like, we know this song, and I’m trying to remember the lyrics. Sometimes I’ll just be inspired by something. I had a little book which was all about the constellations and the stars and the orbits of Venus and...

Swift: Oh, I know that song - “The Kiss of Venus”?

McCartney: Yeah, “The Kiss of Venus.” And I just thought, “That’s a nice phrase.” So I was actually just taking phrases out of the book, harmonic sounds. And the book is talking about the maths of the universe, and how when things orbit around each other, and if you trace all the patterns, it becomes like a lotus flower.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: It’s very magical.

Swift: That is magical. I definitely relate to needing to find magical things in this very not-magical time, needing to read more books and learn to sew, and watch movies that take place hundreds of years ago. In a time where, if you look at the news, you just want to have a panic attack - I really relate to the idea that you are thinking about stars and constellations.

McCartney: Did you do that on Folklore?

Swift: Yes. I was reading so much more than I ever did, and watching so many more films.

McCartney: What stuff were you reading?

Swift: I was reading, you know, books like Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier, which I highly recommend, and books that dealt with times past, a world that doesn’t exist anymore. I was also using words I always wanted to use - kind of bigger, flowerier, prettier words, like “epiphany,” in songs. I always thought, “Well, that’ll never track on pop radio,” but when I was making this record, I thought, “What tracks? Nothing makes sense anymore. If there’s chaos everywhere, why don’t I just use the damn word I want to use in the song?”

McCartney: Exactly. So you’d see the word in a book and think, “I love that word”?

Swift: Yeah, I have favorite words, like “elegies” and “epiphany” and “divorcée,” and just words that I think sound beautiful, and I have lists and lists of them.

McCartney: How about “marzipan”?

Swift: Love “marzipan.”

McCartney: The other day, I was remembering when we wrote “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”: “kaleidoscope.”

Swift: “Kaleidoscope” is one of mine! I have a song on 1989, a song called “Welcome to New York,” that I put the word “kaleidoscope” in just because I’m obsessed with the word.

McCartney: I think a love of words is a great thing, particularly if you’re going to try to write a lyric, and for me, it’s like, “What is this going to say to that person?” I often feel like I’m writing to someone who is not doing so well. So I’m trying to write songs that might help. Not in a goody-goody, crusading kind of way, but just thinking there have been so many times in my life when I’ve heard a song and felt so much better. I think that’s the angle I want, that inspirational thing.

I remember once, a friend of mine from Liverpool, we were teenagers and we were going to a fairground. He was a schoolmate, and we had these jackets that had a little fleck in the material, which was the cool thing at the time.

Swift: We should have done matching jackets for this photo shoot.

McCartney: Find me a fleck, I’m in. But we went to the fair, and I just remember - this is what happens with songs - there was this girl at the fair. This is just a little Liverpool fair - it was in a place called Sefton Park - and there was this girl, who was so beautiful. She wasn’t a star. She was so beautiful. Everyone was following her, and it’s like, “Wow.” It’s like a magical scene, you know? But all this gave me a headache, so I ended up going back to his house - I didn’t normally get headaches. And we thought, “What can we do?” So we put on the Elvis song “All Shook Up.” By the end of that song, my headache had gone. I thought, you know, “That’s powerful.”

Swift: That really is powerful.

McCartney: I love that, when people stop me in the street and say, “Oh, I was going through an illness and I listened to a lot of your stuff, and I’m better now and it got me through,” or kids will say, “It got me through exams.” You know, they’re studying, they’re going crazy, but they put your music on. I’m sure it happens with a lot of your fans. It inspires them, you know?

Swift: Yeah, I definitely think about that as a goal. There’s so much stress everywhere you turn that I kind of wanted to make an album that felt sort of like a hug, or like your favorite sweater that makes you feel like you want to put it on.

McCartney: What, a “cardigan”?

Swift: Like a good cardigan, a good, worn-in cardigan. Or something that makes you reminisce on your childhood. I think sadness can be cozy. It can obviously be traumatic and stressful, too, but I kind of was trying to lean into sadness that feels like somehow enveloping in not such a scary way - like nostalgia and whimsy incorporated into a feeling like you’re not all right. Because I don’t think anybody was really feeling like they were in their prime this year. Isolation can mean escaping into your imagination in a way that’s kind of nice.

McCartney: I think a lot of people have found that. I would say to people, “I feel a bit guilty about saying I’m actually enjoying this quarantine thing,” and people go, “Yeah, I know, don’t say it to anyone.” A lot of people are really suffering.

Swift: Because there’s a lot in life that’s arbitrary. Completely and totally arbitrary. And [the quarantine] is really shining a light on that, and also a lot of things we have that we outsource that you can actually do yourself.

McCartney: I love that. This is why I said I live simply. That’s, like, at the core of it. With so many things, something goes wrong and you go, “Oh, I’ll get somebody to fix that.” And then it’s like, “No, let me have a look at it...”

Swift: Get a hammer and a nail.

McCartney: “Maybe I can put that picture up.” It’s not rocket science. The period after the Beatles, when we went to live in Scotland on a really - talk about dumpy - little farm. I mean, I see pictures of it now and I’m not ashamed, but I’m almost ashamed. Because it’s like, “God, nobody’s cleaned up around here.”

But it was really a relief. Because when I was with the Beatles, we’d formed Apple Records, and if I wanted a Christmas tree, someone would just buy it. And I thought, after a while, “No, you know what? I really would like to go and buy our Christmas tree. Because that’s what everyone does.” So you go down - “I’ll have that one” - and you carried it back. I mean, it’s little, but it’s huge at the same time.

I needed a table in Scotland and I was looking through a catalog and I thought, “I could make one. I did woodwork in school, so I know what a dovetail joint is.” So I just figured it out. I’m just sitting in the kitchen, and I’m whittling away at this wood and I made this little joint. There was no nail technology - it was glue. And I was scared to put it together. I said, “It’s not going to fit,” but one day, I got my woodwork glue and thought, “There’s no going back.” But it turned out to be a real nice little table I was very proud of. It was that sense of achievement.

The weird thing was, Stella went up to Scotland recently and I said, “Isn’t it there?” and she said, “No.” Anyway, I searched for it. Nobody remembered it. Somebody said, “Well, there’s a pile of wood in the corner of one of the barns, maybe that’s it. Maybe they used it for firewood.” I said, “No, it’s not firewood.” Anyway, we found it, and do you know how joyous that was for me? I was like, “You found my table?!” Somebody might say that’s a bit boring.

Swift: No, it’s cool!

McCartney: But it was a real sort of great thing for me to be able to do stuff for yourself. You were talking about sewing. I mean normally, in your position, you’ve got any amount of tailors.

Swift: Well, there’s been a bit of a baby boom recently; several of my friends have gotten pregnant.

McCartney: Oh, yeah, you’re at the age.

Swift: And I was just thinking, “I really want to spend time with my hands, making something for their children.” So I made this really cool flying-squirrel stuffed animal that I sent to one of my friends. I sent a teddy bear to another one, and I started making these little silk baby blankets with embroidery. It’s gotten pretty fancy. And I’ve been painting a lot.

McCartney: What do you paint? Watercolors?

Swift: Acrylic or oil. Whenever I do watercolor, all I paint is flowers. When I have oil, I really like to do landscapes. I always kind of return to painting a lonely little cottage on a hill.

McCartney: It’s a bit of a romantic dream. I agree with you, though, I think you’ve got to have dreams, particularly this year. You’ve got to have something to escape to. When you say “escapism,” it sounds like a dirty word, but this year, it definitely wasn’t. And in the books you’re reading, you’ve gone into that world. That’s, I think, a great thing. Then you come back out. I normally will read a lot before I go to bed. So I’ll come back out, then I’ll go to sleep, so I think it really is nice to have those dreams that can be fantasies or stuff you want to achieve.

Swift: You’re creating characters. This was the first album where I ever created characters, or wrote about the life of a real-life person. There’s a song called “The Last Great American Dynasty” that’s about this real-life heiress who lived just an absolutely chaotic, hectic...

McCartney: She’s a fantasy character?

Swift: She’s a real person. Who lived in the house that I live in.

McCartney: She’s a real person? I listened to that and I thought, “Who is this?”

Swift: Her name was Rebekah Harkness. And she lived in the house that I ended up buying in Rhode Island. That’s how I learned about her. But she was a woman who was very, very talked about, and everything she did was scandalous. I found a connection in that. But I also was thinking about how you write “Eleanor Rigby” and go into that whole story about what all these people in this town are doing and how their lives intersect, and I hadn’t really done that in a very long time with my music. It had always been so microscope personal.

McCartney: Yeah, ’cause you were writing breakup songs like they were going out of style.

Swift: I was, before my luck changed [laughs]. I still write breakup songs. I love a good breakup song. Because somewhere in the world, I always have a friend going through a breakup, and that will make me write one.

McCartney: Yeah, this goes back to this thing of me and John: When you’ve got a formula, break it. I don’t have a formula. It’s the mood I’m in. So I love the idea of writing a character. And, you know, trying to think, “What am I basing this on?” So “Eleanor Rigby” was based on old ladies I knew as a kid. For some reason or other, I got great relationships with a couple of local old ladies. I was thinking the other day, I don’t know how I met them, it wasn’t like they were family. I’d just run into them, and I’d do their shopping for them.

Swift: That’s amazing.

McCartney: It just felt good to me. I would sit and talk, and they’d have amazing stories. That’s what I liked. They would have stories from the wartime - because I was born actually in the war - and so these old ladies, they were participating in the war. This one lady I used to sort of just hang out with, she had a crystal radio that I found very magical. In the war, a lot of people made their own radios - you’d make them out of crystals [sings “The Twilight Zone” theme].

Swift: How did I not know this? That sounds like something I would have tried to learn about.

McCartney: It’s interesting, because there is a lot of parallels with the virus and lockdowns and wartime. It happened to everyone. Like, this isn’t HIV, or SARS, or Avian flu, which happened to others, generally. This has happened to everyone, all around the world. That’s the defining thing about this particular virus. And, you know, my parents... it happened to everyone in Britain, including the queen and Churchill. War happened. So they were all part of this thing, and they all had to figure out a way through it. So you figured out Folklore. I figured out McCartney III.

Swift: And a lot of people have been baking sourdough bread. Whatever gets you through!

McCartney: Some people used to make radios. And they’d take a crystal - we should look it up, but it actually is a crystal. I thought, “Oh, no, they just called it a crystal radio,” but it’s actually crystals like we know and love.

Swift: Wow.

McCartney: And somehow they get the radio waves - this crystal attracts them - they tune it in, and that’s how they used to get their news. Back to “Eleanor Rigby,” so I would think of her and think of what she’s doing and then just try to get lyrical, just try to bring poetry into it, words you love, just try to get images like “picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,” and Father McKenzie “is darning his socks in the night.” You know, he’s a religious man, so I could’ve said, you know, “preparing his Bible,” which would have been more obvious. But “darning his socks” kind of says more about him. So you get into this lovely fantasy. And that’s the magic of songs, you know. It’s a black hole, and then you start doing this process, and then there’s this beautiful little flower that you’ve just made. So it is very like embroidery, making something.

Swift: Making a table.

McCartney: Making a table.

Swift: Wow, it would’ve been so fun to play Glastonbury for the 50th anniversary together.

McCartney: It would’ve been great, wouldn’t it? And I was going to be asking you to play with me.

Swift: Were you going to invite me? I was hoping that you would. I was going to ask you.

McCartney: I would’ve done “Shake It Off.”

Swift: Oh, my God, that would have been amazing.

McCartney: I know it, it’s in C!

Swift: One thing I just find so cool about you is that you really do seem to have the joy of it, still, just no matter what. You seem to have the purest sense of joy of playing an instrument and making music, and that’s just the best, I think.

McCartney: Well, we’re just so lucky, aren’t we?

Swift: We’re really lucky.

McCartney: I don’t know if it ever happens to you, but with me, it’s like, “Oh, my god, I’ve ended up as a musician.”

Swift: Yeah, I can’t believe it’s my job.

McCartney: I must tell you a story I told Mary the other day, which is just one of my favorite little sort of Beatles stories. We were in a terrible, big blizzard, going from London to Liverpool, which we always did. We’d be working in London and then drive back in the van, just the four of us with our roadie, who would be driving. And this was a blizzard. You couldn’t see the road. At one point, it slid off and it went down an embankment. So it was “Ahhh,” a bunch of yelling. We ended up at the bottom. It didn’t flip, luckily, but so there we are, and then it’s like, “Oh, how are we going to get back up? We’re in a van. It’s snowing, and there’s no way.” We’re all standing around in a little circle, and thinking, “What are we going to do?” And one of us said, “Well, something will happen.” And I thought that was just the greatest. I love that, that’s a philosophy.

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: And it did. We sort of went up the bank, we thumbed a lift, we got the lorry driver to take us, and Mal, our roadie, sorted the van and everything. So that was kind of our career. And I suppose that’s like how I ended up being a musician and a songwriter: “Something will happen.”

Swift: That’s the best.

McCartney: It’s so stupid it’s brilliant. It’s great if you’re ever in that sort of panic attack: “Oh, my God,” or, “Ahhh, what am I going to do?”

Swift: “Something will happen.”

McCartney: All right then, thanks for doing this, and this was, you know, a lot of fun.

Swift: You’re the best. This was so awesome. Those were some quality stories!

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anonymous: Hi! Could you possibly do a Charlie x reader fic where they are filming season 2 & there is a new character (fashion expert/can see ghost/a little bit of enemies with Luke at first) but off screen they are very close (always hanging out/on ig posts & stories/dance partners/they sing karaoke/adventure) & the whole cast likes to tease them about it but they deny any feelings however they are about to film a very important scene that involves their characters & might change everything between them.

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x reader

Warnings: fluff

Words: 2,789

Season 2. Finally Season 2. Everyone had been hoping, wishing, praying for a season 2 of Julie and The Phantoms, and after months of waiting, Netflix finally picked it up for a second season. After those months, the actors had just to wait a little while longer while the crew wrote up the first drafts of scripts and made it perfectly save for the actors to do their work. Once all of that’s ready and they’re good to go, the cast finally reunite again in Vancouver. They even meet some new cast members. Like you. You had auditioned for the role of Daniela Ramos, Julie’s cousin and Victoria’s daughter, and got it pretty much straight away. Daniela is a fashion student at a High School in Melrose Hill and Julie asks her for some help with costumes for her next gig with her band. To Julie’s surprise, Daniela can actually see the boys, even when they’re not playing, which causes for a lot of trouble in the band and family, especially between Julie and Luke. This is your first big role on the small screen and you’re the most excited you’ve ever been. You met the other cast members at the summer bootcamp before the filming process would start, and though almost everything had to be done with a face mask covering half of everyone’s face, it still was a lot of fun getting to meet everyone and spend the most fun summer ever. Every day, you grew closer and closer to everyone on set, and soon became best friends with Madi, Jadah, Savannah and Tori, doing plenty of sleepovers. Besides the girls, you also grew closer to Charlie, Owen and Jeremy, but mostly Charlie. For some reason, the two of you just clicked instantly. You have the same humor, the same taste of adventure, the same passions and dreams. You, Charlie and Owen even rented a place together to live in for the time being in Vancouver. You got even closer during filming, especially since you and Charlie have a lot of scenes together. “Oh my God, Luke, you’re so annoying!” you yell at him when the two of you are in the garage, taping a scene. It had taken you about ten takes and you still couldn’t help but giggle at the shocked face he pulled every time. “If I’m so annoying, Dani, why do you keep coming back?!” The angry face he pulls resembles that of an angry kitten, which just makes you crack up again. “God dammit, Y/N!” Charlie laughs now too as Kenny yells “Cut!” “Sorry! Sorry, guys! I promise I’m a real actor!” You hold your hands up in defense, then cough to get ready for another take. This time around, you could finally manage to get through it without laughing. “Yes!” Charlie exclaims when Kenny yells “Cut!” again. He holds his hand up for a high five, which you giddily give him. “Do you need any more takes, Kenny?” he asks the man himself. “Nope, you’re good! You can go on your break now!” he pats Charlie’s shoulder. “Nice job, guys!” “Thanks, Kenny,” you say, the smile growing on your face. “I need food, Gillespie,” you tell your best friend, linking your arm with his. “Let’s go get food!” The two of you head down to catering and sit down at a table with a plate full of food. “What are we doing tonight?” he then asks before taking a bite of food. You swallow your bite of food and take a sip from your drink. “Don’t you have a night shoot tonight?” you ask, remembering him saying something about a late call. “No, that’s tomorrow, after our dance rehearsal,” he replies after swallowing the food. “Oh! Okay!” You start thinking of things to do, “We could go to karaoke? Bring the others maybe?” He raises his eyebrows, looking at you questionably. “I’ve always loved karaoke,” you shrug with a giggle. “Yeah, okay!” Charlie nods his head agreeingly. “Karaoke it is!” The two of you smile up at each other, teeth showing, both of you glowing. “What are you love birds discussing?” Owen asks when he joins them, his voice muffled from the mask covering his face. He pulls it down to under his chin as he and Jeremy join the two at the table. “We’re thinking about going to karaoke tonight with the whole team!” you tell them, completely ignoring the ‘love birds’. “Ooh, fun!” Owen exclaims with a smile that nearly reaches his ears. “Yeah, we’ll leave after shooting the last scene tonight,” Charlie suggests, looking at you for confirmation. You nod your head agreeingly. That night, you and the rest of the cast head to the nearest karaoke place you know. You’ve linked arms with Savannah and Tori, giggling through the night, trying to keep your balance on your heeled boots. Meanwhile, without you realizing, Charlie has been keeping his eyes on you the whole way there. He finds it adorable how your giggle floats through the night air and your hips bump against the other girls’. He couldn’t lie, you had easily become the light in his life. “So, what song shall we begin with?” you ask the gang as you settle into the booth. “Pick the first one on the list,” Jeremy replies when no one else does. You nod your head curtly and press play on the first song, which is Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. You can already tell after that first song; tonight is going to be a fun night. You sing a couple of songs with the girls, there are many group numbers, and you even sing one with your roommates. After singing with Owen and Charlie, the latter points at you. “We’re going to sing together now!” he exclaims excitedly before turning around and picking a song for you to sing. When he’s picked one, he grabs your hand to pull you closer towards him. You blink a couple of times, unable to process what’s happening right now. The opening notes to Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee chime through the booth. You glance over at Savannah and Tori, who offer you an encouraging smile. Then you look at Jadah and Madison, but they’re too busy giggling and whispering, and it makes you wonder if that’s about you and Charlie. Your eyes dart over to the boys – Jeremy, Owen and Sacha – who just offer you suggestive smiles and eyebrow-wiggles. Charlie’s voice captures your attention again, and you turn to him. “I couldn’t if I tried,” you sing back to him. The encouraging smile on Charlie’s face calms you down a little up to the point where it almost seems like the two of you are the only people in the room. You have no clue what is happening or why it’s happening. All you know is that you’ve wanted it to happen sooner. Though you wouldn’t ever admit that to anyone. It’s the way he looks at you and the way he makes you feel like you’re the only person on this planet that matters. It’s been the way he’d looked at you since that first day of meeting him. “I won't go breaking your heart,” you sing the very last line to him ever so softly, not even looking at the screen anymore, but instead, looking into his eyes. “Don't go breaking my heart,” he sings back. The song ends and you both lower your microphones, staring into each other’s eyes. If it wasn’t for the rest of the cast breaking out into cheers and applause, you would’ve kissed him then and there. But it startles you, and you step away from him upon realizing how close you are and how that must look to the others. “So, when’s the wedding?” Madison asks teasingly, which makes the others laugh, and you blush. After that night at karaoke, the two of you had silently agreed to forget anything ever happened. Savannah said you were in denial, but you believed you weren’t. You told her it was just the atmosphere in the air that night, the both of you had consumed a little bit of alcohol and it might’ve just been that. No one stopped teasing you though. On every possible occasion, they’d ask you if you’d kissed him yet, or when your next date it, or started singing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart randomly. You just shook it off every time, finding it amusing how consumed the cast was with this ‘relationship’ you had with Charlie. There was nothing more going on than just a really, really tight friendship. Until the dance scene happened. Your character, Dani, was supposed to go to a school dance with her crush, but she was nervous because she had never slow danced with anyone before. When she tells Luke, he insisted on teaching her, saying he’d gone to plenty of school dances back in ’94 and ’95 before he died. You and Charlie know this choreography by heart, you’ve been doing it for weeks on end at bootcamp and during rehearsals. It had always just been fun and games, the two of you being immaculate dancers and bouncing off of each other so well because of your tight friendship. “I could teach you?” Charlie says as Luke, stepping closer to you. You raise your eyebrows at him. “I’ve gone to numerous dances in my days, Dani…” One corner of his mouth curls up into a teasing smirk. “Unless you want to embarrass yourself in front of… Jake.” He emphasizes the name of your fictional crush, to which you react with wide eyes and a blush spreading on your cheeks. “Come on, Dani!” He reaches out for your hand, which you place hesitantly in his. Dani being able to see ghosts, is also able to make them corporeal. The lights on set dim a little, except for one spot on the pair in the middle of the studio, and then the music starts playing through the speakers. Charlie starts singing the song they’d learned at bootcamp, one the cast wrote together during the quarantine. The atmosphere in the studio has suddenly become really intense. You can feel the butterflies erupting in your stomach as the man in front of you sings to you, mere inches away from each other as he leads you in this beautiful dance Paul Becker and Tori Caro choreographed for you. Just like at the karaoke booth, it feels like the two of you are the only people on set. Just you and him. You and Charlie. You and your best friend. There’s no denying you have feeling for him anymore. You knew you did, you just told yourself it wasn’t a good idea and suppressed those feelings, pushing them down. It worked for a while. Until now. “Cut!” Kenny yells after your scene. You step away from Charlie, glancing down at the floor as you try your hardest to hide your flustered face. “That was perfect, guys! It really looks like the two of you were in love!” he claps his hands in excitement, then tells them to do it again. After four takes of the dance, Kenny tells you to go and take a break. Without saying another word to Charlie, you rush off set and towards your trailer where you sit down on a chair, trying to calm your breathing. Charlie might not like you the way you like him. Admitting to these feelings might just ruin everything the two of you have. With this in mind, you grab your phone and text Savannah, asking her to come over to your trailer. Maybe she could help you. “Are you okay?” she asks when she enters and finds you staring at the ceiling. “No…” you reply and take a deep breath, “I think I’m in love with my best friend?” “Oh, sweetie…” Savannah sighs, and pulls you up to take you in a hug, “I know…” You pull her away again to face her properly. “What do you mean ‘you know’?” “Everybody knows,” she starts, “The two of you have been inseparable since the day you met, and everyone can see the way you look at each other. Plus, your duet the other night was a little intense for it to be a platonic one.” She chuckles, and you can’t help but chuckle too. She then grabs her phone from her back pocket, opening Instagram. “You know fans have caught on too, right?” She shows you the comments on some of Charlie’s pictures on his account. One picture is of the two of you, napping in Julie’s bed on set, cuddled up. He even posted pictures from your hikes on your days off. All of them are bombarded with comments from fans saying, ‘I ship it!’ or ‘Y/S/N’. Sav then opens her dm’s which are flooded with fans asking if you and Charlie are dating yet, and how the two of them are so in love with each other. “Charlie isn’t in love with me?” you deny, not believing one bit about it. “He is, though…” This does not come from Savannah’s mouth. Your eyes widen when you recognize the voice, and peek behind Savannah to find your best friend standing at your open trailer door. “Sav, can you give us a minute?” he asks the younger girl. “More than a minute,” she chirps, offering you a wink before leaving the trailer. Charlie steps in completely and moves until he’s in front of you. He takes your hands in his, and chuckles at your overwhelmed and confused expression. “Are you okay?” he asks, that beautiful smile of his persistent on his face. “Y—yeah? No? I’m not sure?” you sigh, trying to get your thoughts in order. “Charlie, wha—?” “Can I talk? I’ve been going over this conversation in my mind a billion times, and if I don’t say it now, I think I’m going to forget what I’m supposed to say…” You nod your head in response. “Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since the very first time I saw you walking in at bootcamp. You looked adorable with your little nervous smile and your polite hellos to everybody. I knew from that moment on that I wanted to get to know you better, and that I wanted to become more than just friends…I didn’t think you’d feel the same way, so I told myself that it was okay if we’d just stay friends. Especially since your character kind of hates mine and you bring Dani to life so convincingly, that I was almost sure you hated me too,” you chuckle at that, “But I can’t hide it anymore, Y/N. I am so embarrassingly in love with you that I could’ve kissed you after that scene we just did and that I could kiss you right now even though I’m—” before he can finish his sentence, you lean up and crash your lips onto his, your hands flying into his hair. He’s a little startled at first, but quickly melts into the kiss and presses you closer to him. “I am so embarrassingly in love with you too, Charlie,” you whisper when you pull away, pressing your forehead against his. “They’re going to be so relieved,” you tell him with a chuckle. He frowns his eyebrows at you. “Who?” he asks. You take his hand in yours and lead him towards the door of your trailer, pushing it open and making it bump against whoever was closest to the door. All of your cast mates scramble, trying to act natural while Owen rubs his forehead since he was the one that got a door in his face. “Ah, them!” Charlie chuckles. “Thanks for the door in my face, guys,” Owen says disgruntled. “That’s on you, buddy,” you tell him with a grin. “Don’t you guys have a scene to shoot or something?” Their eyes widen at the realization and, after yelling at the two how happy they are for them, rush to set in a hurry. “So, where were we?” Charlie turns back to you when everyone’s gone. “Don’t you have a scene with them?” “Shit!” he grumbles and jumps off the small steps in front of the trailer. He starts running towards set but turns around almost immediately to you and kisses your lips quickly, but sweetly, and then runs off. You watch him with an amused smile on your face. There was nothing to be afraid about after all and nothing changed between you two. You were still the best of friends, just friends that kiss and are in love with each other. But both of you happy.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @thequirkybookaholic​ @parkeret​​ @lukeys-giggle​ @gingerxarmy​ @lovesanimals​

[issaxcharlie]

You’ll always be the answer

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem Reader

Requested: YES💚

Summary: For the first time Charlie and Y/N have to do an interview together and things get pretty interesting and chaotic as always with the couple.

*In the wired autocomplete section the part of the question that was covered will be in bold*

Pretty much based in the we say we’re friends world, (yes, again😤 I love their dynamic I’m sorry) you only need to know that Y/N is a musician by profession, wrote the JATP soundtrack, a childhood friend of Charlie and now his current girlfriend.

The couple is completely excited because today they have their first interviews after the confirmation of the second season of Julie and The Phantoms, and usually they are not on the same interview team so this is new. Charlie always does them with the band and the singer usually does them with director Kenny Ortega representing the people behind the scenes.

“Hello everyone, I’m Charlie Gillespie and I play Luke in Julie And The Phantoms.”

“And I’m Y/N Y/L and I play Daniela in Stardust.”

“Baby, you are here today as the songwriter of the album.”

“I know?” She thinks for a few seconds until she realizes what she said. “Oh. Well, this is embarrasing. Make my selfpromo accident worthwhile and watch Stardust after watching JATP!”

“Nice safe, beautiful. Pretty natural.” Her boyfriend teases as she smiles proudly.

“I like to believe I could be an actress.” Charlie begins to laugh at the seriousness with which she answered and looks at her, full of happiness. He loves that they can enjoy moments like this where their careers can go exactly on the same track.

They know that it will not always be this way so they should make the most of the experience.

“I’m excited to have you back, Y/N. And a pleasure to meet you Charlie. You both sure are full of amazing energy, I love it. Let’s start with the questions. Charlie, this is your first leading and in a fairly complete role, you acted, sang, danced and even wrote one of the songs, how was the experience?”

“Pure magic. They are all incredibly talented and so supportive of us, they worked so hard to unleash our full potential in an accelerated manner. They had a lot of patience with me in the dance part, they taught me to use my voice properly, they supported me in the change to electric guitar, it was simply a dream to work with every single person in the project.”

“Sounds amazing. Next question is for you, Y/N. Much has been said about the unreal chemistry between Julie and Luke. How was it for you as his girlfriend to have to witness it live? As I understand you were present throughout the recording."

"Oh man, it was awesome!" Charlie laughs at her pure response and the interviewer looks at her in disbelief.

"I'm Team Juke all the way. I know I may sound like a liar or something since I'm the girlfriend, but here's the thing.

I can't see my Char in Luke. Charlie is so good at bringing him to life that I can't believe that cool rockstar is my adorable goofball. It’s like Clark and Superman with the glasses thing. Beanie and electric guitar? Oh, hi Luke. You are so hot, wait... don’t tell Charlie I said that! Bandana and acoustic guitar? Hey baby, give me a kiss in the forehead and sing me to sleep.

What I was saying again? Oh, yeah. So... I see Juke and I’m soft, they are perfect for each other.”

“So you think Luke is hot, huh.” he pretends to be jealous and folds his arms.

“What can I say, I have a thing for rockstars, my legs melted during now or never."

He snorted a laugh. “Good to know.”

The interviewer cannot contain a laugh of her own.

"It's always a pleasure to have you here, Y/N. You are such a character and I always enjoy listening to you, and I love that even though the years go by and you are no longer so new in the industry you continue to have that fresh and iconic personality."

“Thank you so much Maria, If I can be myself here it is thanks to the beautiful atmosphere that your interviews always have.”

“My pleasure, ‘golden star’. Let’s continue. Y/N, We know you already knew Charlie, but who did you get along with better from the rest of the cast?”

“Oh my, definitely Owen. He was Charlie's roommate throughout the project so we hang out together a lot in our free time taking turns as third wheel. I'm pretty sure he's going to apply the same card to me this second season now that I'm gonna be the roommate.

But it’s okay, I totally deserve it. May the best third wheel win, Joyner!” Charlie grins and does a fistbump with his girlfriend who looks really hyped about going back to Canada with the band.

“I’m rooting for you, girl! Let’s go back to Charlie a little bit. The album that Y/N wrote is a resounding success and a very important piece for the series to be as brilliant as they are. I imagine that the four of you have a special affection for the album, but how do you feel that your girlfriend was the one who wrote a soundtrack of that level for such a special project in your career?”

Charlie looks so proud. He looks at her in a way that makes the young woman blush.

“I’m just so blessed that the things happened they way they did. She’s the love of my life, you know? I couldn't be more proud to sing her songs. She has always been insanely talented and nothing gives me more happiness that knowing she gets to do what she loves and is able to share it with the world.”

The singer's eyes water and she puts her head on the actor's shoulder, who kisses her hair sweetly.

“You two are so pure and so cute to watch, I have a new favorite celebrity couple.”

They continue the interview for a few more minutes and then they have to move on to the second section, in which they are handed some boards with the most searched questions on the internet regarding them.

“Okay guys, introduce yourselves again. I’m not going to be in the segment this time so you’ll have to help each other.”

Both agree without confessing that they have seen videos of this segment until 5 in the morning when they have nothing to do the next day and have sleepovers.

“Hi, we are Charlie Gillespie and Y/N Y/L and will be doing the wired-autocomplete interview today!”

“Okay handsome, let’s start with yours.” Charlie smiles and takes the sign in his hands, while his girlfriend removes the first tape and reveals the first question.

“Does Charlie Gillespie have a girlfriend?” Charlie smiles proudly and kisses his girls nose.

“I do, and she’s so adorable.” He touches gently her cheek and she closes her eyes at his touch.

He gives her a light kiss in the forehead and then uncovers the next question.

“What is Charlie Gillespie like in real life.”

“I’ll answer this one, Char’s a total goofball. He is cheerful, funny, always full of energy, talented, caring, and really, really hot. All done, next question!”

He laughs while blushing and reveals the next one. “Is Charlie Gillespie married?”

“Well I tried but someone ate the ring.”

“I would do it again, it was really good. Answering the question, he is not yet, but he is taking too long, maybe one of these days I will declare myself.”

He opens his eyes wide, he knows very well that his girlfriend is capable of doing it, and honestly he wants to be who does it, so he makes a mental note to prepare everything soon. Thank god he is working on the rings already.

“It’s Y/N still dating...”

“If the question says Ross Lynch I’m goin’ to lose it. No shade though, man.”

She laughs, after the James Larkin show, a lot of people showed anger as they felt that she was a much better match with the blonde, and Charlie couldn't help but feel a bit offended.

“...Charlie Gillespie! Yes, baby!” Both high five, Charlie looks almost relieved, is adorable.

“The answer is always yes folks, get use to it.”

“Who is Y/N’s best friend?”

“Well, this one is easy.” She turns to see Charlie and gives him a flirtatious little smile. He blushes and reaches out to kiss her, but she answers the question just before their lips touch.

“Ross Lynch.” She leans over and presses her lips against his for a few seconds as Charlie reacts to her response and then gapes in disbelief.

“You did nOT.” He laughs and and wrinkles his nose feigning annoyance.

“Yes I dID. But to be honest, has to be this man right here. Not a lot people know this but we’ve been best friends all our lives, so yeah. You baby, of course.” He blushes and kisses her hand, clearly happy with the answer.

“Is Y/N going to be in Julie And The Phantoms S2?”

“Will you?” He asks, genuinely curious. She never tells him what Kenny secretly confesses her about the project so as not to be unfair to the other members of the band.

“I will, but probably still back the scenes, guys. I'm really enjoying this part and learning from the best of the best so I am very happy not to be in front of the camera for now.”

“And you are doing an amazing work, love.” She grins and kisses his cheek.

“Thank you for watching us being ridiculously corny for 30 minutes, don't forget to watch Julie and the Phantoms Season 2 only on Netflix! I feel sorry for that poor people that will have to see how cheesy we are.”

“We were still recording Y/N, but never mind. The editing team has a lot of work ahead.”

“Well, damn. I’m sorry guys!” Charlie laughs for the thousandth time today. There is nothing better in life than sharing your days with your best friend. He can't wait to formalize that ‘forever’.

Thank you for reading✨

NEXT PART HERE

Taglist: @writerinlearning , @ghostofmgg, @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa, @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it

[benbunny]

Catalina’s series! I used this dollmaker to make her portrait. Below the cut are summaries that would be each of Catalina’s 6-book series if she were a real AG Historical.

Meet Catalina: June-July 1846

Catalina’s father returns from his most recent trip across the world, bringing luxury fabrics and exotic goods to sell in Yerba Buena. Cati’s mamá is thrilled to see baba again, but her abuelos are less than happy. Cati, with the help of her pet guinea pig Gordito, comes up with a plan to make her abuelos and her baba get along, but it doesn’t go exactly as planned…Cati gets into quite a bit of trouble for her antics, but, in the end, Baba and her abuelos can sit at the dinner table together and be civil, so she considers her plan a success overall.

Catalina Learns a Lesson: September 1846

Catalina has been learning to play the violin since she was little, and this year she’s finally going to get private lessons from a very prestigious teacher. Don Herrerra plays all over the world, and Cati wants to be just like him when she grows up. Her new lessons are difficult, but she works hard and practices often. Don Herrerra invites Cati and her mamá to see an orchestra that’s touring California, but Mamá doesn’t want to go. Cati is angry at first, but then overhears Mamá telling Abuela that Don Herrerra asked to marry her, and would not listen when she explained she was already married, since Baba was away again. Mamá says he makes her uncomfortable to be around, but she knows that Cati so badly wants to go to the concert. Catalina has to make a very grown-up decision: is the concert more important to her than Mamá’s feelings?

Catalina’s Surprise: December 1846

Yerba Buena is doing a Christmas concert this year, and Catalina is determined to learn “La Primera Navidad” to perform at the concert. Everyone performing at the concert must attend rehearsals for weeks before the event, to make sure everything goes smoothly on Christmas Day. At the first rehearsal, Cati meets 10 year old Ana María and her twin brother, Ignacio. For the concert, Ignacio will play piano and Ana María will sing “Noche de Paz.” Cati thinks their double act sounds so grown-up and glamorous. The three of them decide to team up and make it a triple act performing both songs, but learning each other’s songs and working together is harder than they thought…

Happy Birthday, Catalina: May 1847

Catalina is turning 11 this year! She and Abuela are working together to plan a big fiesta, where there will be music and dancing and all of Cati’s favorite people will be there, including her new friends Ana María and Ignacio, her Tía Consuelo and her little cousins visiting from the south, and Baba, who planned his trip perfectly so that he wouldn’t miss Catalina’s birthday. Cati is very busy sending invitations and learning dances with Abuela, but when a storm delays Baba’s ship, she’s heartbroken and wants to cancel the party. Abuela doesn’t understand why Cati is so upset, but Abuelito does. He teaches Cati how to deal with sadness and disappointment, explaining how he felt when his own father missed events for work, and helps her plan a special dinner for when her father returns.

Catalina Saves the Day: July 1847

Catalina has been teaching her guinea pig, Gordito, tricks. She wants him to sit and roll over and stand up like the animals in the circus. Unfortunately, all this excitement means that, sometimes, Cati forgets to close to cage properly. When Gordito goes missing, Catalina is inconsolable. Abuela says he’s lost for good, but Cati is convinced she can get him back. She ropes Ana María and Ignacio into helping her look, but they can’t find him anywhere in the huge house. Cati has the bright idea too look in the cellar, thinking that Gordito went looking for some of Abuela’s fancy cheeses. She isn’t normally allowed in the cellar, but decides that this is a special circumstance….but maybe should still be a secret. When a small earthquake hits while they’re down below, Ignacio is knocked unconscious and a shelf falls over, blocking the door. Cati and Ana María have to work together to figure out how to take care of Ignacio and get help from the adults, who don’t know where they are, or that they’re trapped!

Changes for Catalina: March 1848

It’s been a strange year for Catalina and her family. Alta California became a US territory on February 2nd, which Cati’s Abeulos weren’t happy about at all. The whole family has been learning English, including Cati. Baba, being a merchant, can already speak English and is helping the rest of the family learn. In the midst of this change, the California Star has just reported that gold was found in Coloma, and all of San Francisco has gone wild! The publisher, an American named Samuel Brannan, even walked through the streets with a vial of gold as evidence of his claims! Many people, Californios and Americans alike, are abandoning the coast in the hopes that they can get rich in the gold mines. Stores and houses everywhere lie empty; even Cati’s friends Ana María and Ignacio have to leave when their papá decides to go prospecting. Cati doesn’t know this just yet, but in the next few years, the town will grow rapidly as the gold fever spreads even to San Francisco, and miners and merchants from all over come in droves. In 1849, people start coming from Asia, mostly China, to search for gold; many of them settle in San Francisco. Cati is living in a time and place that changes a lot throughout her lifetime, but she knows she can put on a brave face and get through anything with family by her side.

[scribblingfangirl]

WITH LOVE, THE GHOSTS | Julie and The Phantoms - Part Two

not my gif!

.•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•.

Author’s Note: Somebody on Wattpad asked if they could get ‘a part two where she like meets them and they still do kind stuff?’ I really liked that idea, so this little part is a filler (their meeting) so that I can fullfill the request in a third and final part. Enjoy! :D

word count: ~ 1.4k

summary: You finally meet the boys. Obviously, chaos ensues.

warnings:  // (english is not my first language, not beta-read)

| Part One | Part Three |

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“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

You knew that Julie wouldn’t judge you, not after the year she had. But honestly, after hearing that Flynn was almost going to egg her house after finding out about the Swedish hologram boys you were very inclined to just shake your head and forget about it all. Even if the note from Reggie, Alex and Thing Three had been burning a hole into your pocket.

Needless to say that it had been a very weird winter break. But you were still kind of disappointed when nothing happened on New Year.

Nevertheless, you closed your locker and turned around to look at Julie and Flynn while they approached you. “Does a flying pen called Reggie and a computer that suddenly decides to cheer me up called Alex and a third something, temporarily called Chicken Scratch, do as well?” you asked and took the note out of your pocket, hoping it would come out as comedically rather than insane.

At first, nothing happened and Julie and Flynn just stared at you. Then Julie ripped the little paper out of your hand and quickly unfolded it.

Almost afraid you smiled at them nervously when they looked back up at you, expecting everything and yet nothing at the same time. Which is why you weren’t quite sure what to make from Julie and Flynn’s reaction. Sighing they both looked at each other and whisper-shouted: “Reggie!”

“Reggie… as in the pen? You’re calling my pen?” Bewildered, you looked at your two best friends. Okay so maybe they did think you’ve lost it. ‘Retreat, retreat! Make a final joke about it and let it slide!’ “ I think you kind of forgot the magic word ‘Accio’ beforehand. Accio Reggie, you know? And don’t forget to swish and flick it guys or else it might blow up in your face,” you giggled nervously. ‘Nope, that wasn’t it.’

But instead of going into it, Julie suddenly seemed busy staring angrily at a locker just to their right and making weird eyebrow movements towards it, while Flynn just swung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you with her.

“I think it’s time that we, or rather Julie, told you something. But, first things first, you know that egging your best friends house isn’t the solution, right?”

-

Correction: They lost it. Not you, they! Ghosts. Forking 90s ghosts they said.

Because apparently Reggie, Alex and Luke (not Who or Thing Three - just a ghost with a very terrible handwriting, Flynn couldn’t stop giggling and said something about the Fat Ones?) were exactly that - forking 90s ghosts. You almost snorted into your cereal and inhaled the milk when Julie told you that after arriving home from school.

“Sure. Ghosts are wishing me a Merry Christmas. What’s next? Did I miss Michael Jackson wishing me a Happy New Year and will Elvis Presley be serenading me on Valentine’s Day?”

“Wait... Michael Jackson died?! When? Ah damn... I barely had time to listen to his 9nth album before we died!”

“Dude... First Star Wars, now this? What exactly are you doing when we aren’t rehearsing?”

“Not screaming in a museum, but I did say dibs on the shower… the rubber duckies are just too cute to ignore!”

“You use them in a bath Reggie, not the shower!”

Obviously, you couldn’t hear them but you did see the eye-roll Julie gave the thin air before turning back to you. “Sorry to disappoint but no. Michael and Elvis are dead.”

Silence fell upon you three six.

Ending the silence by eating your (crunchy) cereal, you swallowed and said, “Yeah fun fact, the adjective dead literally appears in the definition of ghosts. That’s kind of what makes them ghosts. Being dead. So… what makes your buddies so special?”

Silence. Again. (Well, for you. Julie was listening to two ghosts chasing each other around the kitchen ‘STOP IT REGINALD!’ while the third one was sitting by your side, face in his hands, eyeing your cereal wistfully and sighing.)

Taking a deep breath Julie pushed her hands away from her body. “We don’t know. But we would like to show you. So... Boys, Garage. Now! Girls, Garage. Please,” she said, waving her hand to the backdoor.

Opening the garage door a few moments later and gesturing at the couch and chairs Julie said, “Please sit down. The band will be with us shortly.”

“Uh!”, you said excited, clapping your hands. Might as well go along with it. Worst case scenario? All three of you will go visit Dr. Turner. Best case scenario? Well… best case scenario the boys ghosts are real and you will be sleeping with one eye open from now on. But honestly, how bad can that be? They have a good taste in Christmas music after all. “What are we going to hear? Panic! At the Disco? Taylor Swift?”

“No no no. They only do originals. Now come on, Mama needs her eye candy. Oh, and watch it. Reggie needs space to rock out,” Flynn told you as she guided you to the couch.

“Look at that! She listens and learns!” Julie giggled and sat behind the keyboard. “Let’s do it the old fashioned way. Y/N, this is Flying Solo.”

-

Well, they were real. Or as real as ghosts can be.

“Yeah… quick question. Why am I always the one who gets probed?” the dark-haired bassist asked after your hand passed through his shoulder.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I should have asked first.”

“Ah don’t worry. It was nice actually. Now I know that you have a kind heart.”

The shaggy-haired guitarist snorted, accidentally strumming his guitar a little too hard. “And an endless black pit as a stomach.”

“And you know that why?” Julie asked with her hands crossed in front of her chest.

“He watches her eat the sandwiches he makes for her. He finds it cute when she giggles at the Nutella faces he paints onto them," the bassist answered for the guitarist.

“You make her sandwiches… with Nutella faces?! Why don’t I get those?!” "You watch me while I eat?!" Julie and you screamed out at the same time.

“Chill out you both! You," Flynn said pointing at you, "get free food! But watch it, they did die by eating poisoned hot dogs, so don't trust them entirely. And you!" She moved over to Julie, "You get eye candy 24/7! I should be the one to complain! I don’t get anything and I am your manager!”

Blushing the brown-haired boy averted his eyes and muttered, “I don’t remember agreeing to that." (Because of course that would be the point he would focus on.) "You booked us a school dance after all!” Feeling and then seeing their indignant looks he quickly retreated. “Which we are still very, very sorry for missing out on! A… and and the band name you came up with is really great Flynn!”

Throwing her hair back and squinting her eyes, Flynn gave him a joking glare. “You pass. Barely. I’m still watching you.”

“Okaaaay so, judging by your looks and your attitude I’d say… you're Chicken Scratch, right?”

“HEY!” And then more quietly, “My name’s Luke.”

You nodded. “You deserve it. So, Luke, I guess it's nice to meet you.”

“So today is ‘Make fun of Luke’-day?”

“Oh… that’s only today? Sorry, I must’ve missed that memo. I thought that was every day.”

You giggled and turned to the drummer who had just spoken. “Alex, right?”

The blond guy nodded smirking while continuing to quietly drum.

“Then you must be Reggie!” you smiled at the bassist again. “I heard Kayla talk about you to Carrie on a few occasions.”

As he dropped his bass the last thing you saw or heard from Reggie was an excited, “Girls talk about me? Take that Alex!” Then he puffed out of existence.

“Reggie, you do realize that my ‘they can’t tip what they can’t see’ statement still applies here, right?” Alex said sighing and mouthed, “I’m sorry” in your direction, before flinching and puffing out of existence as well.

“They don’t have to tip me, Alex, they just have to like me!” Luke imitated Reggie sarcastically, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows while eyeing the thin air.

“Wow! Watch it!”

But Julie’s warning came too late. With a ‘whooosh’ and followed by a dull pain one of Alex’s drumsticks flew through the air and hit your head. “Ow!”

“Oi boys! Stop it!” And with that Luke vanished as well.

[hotarutranslations]

Maybe Its A Medium Bob

Evening

I cut my hair✂️

My hair was down to my waist, Since I had decided to donate my hair when I cut it,

I cut it with the feeling of, Thank you very much✂️

At the beginning of growing it out, The more I let it grow the more I enjoy arranging my hair! Since it was super long I was able to make twin tails, Just a ponytail was cool, Last autumn's Jasmine hair was my favorite

It was the longest in my life~~🪽

The feeling that I wanted to donate my hair Sprouted later but,

While thinking, I want to do it1 Let's do it! Even cutting more that 31cm, I was aiming for a length that would hit around my collar bone🪽

I thought, thank you very much for the opportunity to cut it😌🪽

When I had super long hair, Shampooing and drying it, never bothered me🤔💭

I did both while watching videos, I wasn't really conscious of, how long that took,

Now that its short, when it feels like I'm missing something, I realize, its because my hair was long~🥴 lol

When it was long, I didn't think I took particularly good care of it but, the ReFa brush and Love Chrome comb were really good, when I went to bed I gently sweep it to the side so it wouldn't get all disheveled, maybe thats being particular about it

From now it'll be the rainy season, It may have become a bit of a problem, at that length! lol

I still sometimes miss my long hair! lol

I think I'll grow it quickly! lol

From now on, thank you very much~~

Tomorrow, finally

Hokkaido Nihn Ham Fighters "LIVE DAYS! ～Exciting Big Exhibition Match~ ~ @ Es Con Field HOKKAIDO

I'll do my best!!!!! Its like a dream to have a live at a baseball stadium!!!

Yamazaki Mei-chan, can enjoy it as a local

Makino Maria-chan, Is making great efforts into the first pitch

Tomorrow! Thank you very much for your support!

Graduation Announcement Blog🐣🪽

Hello! Station #531 I also talk about my graduation in this video

"Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11" TSUKUSHI (Sasaki Tsukushi) Collaboration Video ※Limited Time※

Its amazing! I'm thankful! Its uploaded onto YouTube! Please definitely watch it a lot everyone!

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" April 13th (Sat) at 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show ~Seiki~" Fukumura Mizuki Graduation Special YokoAri's 2nd Day With Fukumura-san's Graduation Performance

May 15th Release Morning Musume '23 Concert Tour Fall "Neverending Shine Show" SPECIAL YokoAri's 1st Day With OG Performances

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

🪩Hello! Project Kenshuusei Happyoukai 2024 6gatsu "Lily"

June 9th (Sun) Osaka June 16th (Sun) Tokyo

🪩The MusiQuest 2024 July 21st (Sun) PiaArena MM

We're challenging a new festival stage❤️‍🔥 Absolutely, Definitely, Thank you for your support❤️‍🔥

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

see you ayumin <3 https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12854480037.html

[oh-ranpo]

like an ever-expanding universe.

pairing: owen joyner x reader an: so, this was sent as a request, but somehow I got out of control with it, so it ended up being longer than I expected it to be lmao I hope you enjoy! request: a pair of exes (let’s say hypothetically in the middle of filming season 5 of JatP and reader came in during season 2 as a new character and the actress is the same age as him/Savannah and they hit it off but eventually broke up) try to get the other jealous so they can get back together. disclaimer: also, I just wanted to say that in a relationship, communication is key, so while jealousy is fun to write and read about sometimes, we stan healthy relationships with open communication : ) word count: 3.5k+

“You should really just talk to him.”

You scowled at Savannah from where you were sitting at your vanity as you had been working on getting ready for the evening.

“Talk to him? After finding out that he was bringing a date? No, Savannah, I need to get even.” Savannah sighed as she shook her head and fixed her gaze on the phone in her hands.

“You two are going to drive me crazy.” You pretended that you didn’t hear her this time as you turned back to fixing your appearance. Either way, it didn’t matter what your friend said because your mind had already been made up. 

When you found out that Owen wasn’t showing up to the cast party alone, you had been hurt. Sure, the two of you had broken up over a month ago, but you hadn’t been ready to move on yet, and the fact that he seemed to be took you by surprise. Your friends tried to tell you that it meant nothing, but you channeled your devastation into indignance and all you wanted to do was make him jealous enough that he could feel what you were feeling now.

Your relationship with Owen hadn’t always been so complicated. In fact, it used to be the best one you had ever experienced. When you landed a recurring role in season two of Julie and the Phantoms, you had immediately hit it off with the blonde drummer. There was a connection that you shared that everyone around you could see, and it surprised no one when you confessed your feelings for one another just a couple of months after meeting. Three years and three seasons of the show later, you had been sure that you had found The One.

And then, things managed to fall apart.

It wasn’t like anything dramatic had happened, and when you looked back on it, you weren’t even sure what had spurred the reaction. Just, one day, Owen said that he needed some time apart, and for some reason, you had agreed. You didn’t really want to break up, but you were still fairly confident that he was your person and you truly believed that he would make his way back to you. You were both young and it could be overwhelming when you felt so much for someone so early in life. You never doubted your feelings for him, however, and you thought the feeling was mutual… until you learned about her.

Charlie swore that he had nothing to do with it when he told you, but you also knew that it was one of his friends. You didn’t blame him, of course, but that also didn’t stop the hole that had formed in your chest over how beautiful she was. Just knowing how good her and Owen were going to look side-by-side made you feel even worse. She was the reason why you had decided to go all out in hopes of grabbing someone’s attention, most of all, Owen’s. It was dumb and childish, but you were sure that it was the only way to make you feel better.

Savannah didn’t bother you about your questionable plan again, however, by the time you were both ready to leave, you had started to lose confidence in yourself. You didn’t say anything to your friend though as you still continued to laugh and chat about the night ahead, carefully avoiding the topic of the boy that you were hoping to win back. And while you were on your way to Tori’s apartment with Savannah, Owen was having nerves of his own while getting ready in the apartment him and Charlie shared.

“Do you think this is going to work?” Owen asked his friend as he ran his fingers through his golden locks anxiously. Charlie gave him a look from where he was sitting on the couch. He had been ready for a while now, but he was still waiting on his friend to show up and for Owen to make up his mind. 

“Do I think that you taking another girl to this party is going to help you get back together with a girl that you never should have broken up with in the first place? No. Absolutely not.”

Owen sighed as he leaned against the arm of the chair he was standing next to. He had thought about cancelling with Jamie for a few days now, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. He knew she was excited to go, and while he also knew that you were aware, and probably hurt by the knowledge, of his date, he had made a promise. A stupid, selfish promise, but a promise all the same. 

He knew Charlie hated the whole thing, as he had told him multiple times, but when there was a knock at their door, they both knew that it was Jamie and there was no turning back now. As Owen started towards to the door to answer it, Charlie called his name and Owen looked back over his shoulder at the brunette on the couch. 

“You better figure out a way to deal with this without hurting anyone any further. I’m serious, Owen.” It wasn’t often that Charlie got that look on his face, and Owen slowly nodded in understanding. He just wasn’t sure how he was going to manage pulling that off.

When he pulled open the door, Owen was greeted with a big smile from the brunette on the other side. He did his best to smile back, but now that all of this was really happening, he was more nervous than ever.

“Owen, you look great!” Jamie cooed as she stepped in through the door and pulled him into a hug. Owen quickly hugged her back and his eyes met Charlie’s over her shoulder. The stern look was still on his face and Owen swallowed roughly.

“Thanks, so do you.” 

It was going to be a rough night, and really, he had no one to blame but himself.

x.x.x

Your eyes couldn’t help but search the room for his face as soon as you stepped into Tori’s apartment, but it quickly became clear that Owen was nowhere to be found.

“He’s on his way. Charlie just texted me,” Madison informed you when she saw the dejected look on your face. You felt silly that you were being so obvious about it, but you did your best to brush it off. 

“Good for him. I think I’m going to go mingle a bit. See you later, Mads.” You didn’t look to see if Madison rolled her eyes like Savannah had earlier in the night before starting to make your rounds. You wanted to make sure you were having a good time when Owen finally did arrive.

There was a good mix of new and familiar faces, so you had plenty of conversation partners to choose from. You wished you could say you were so wrapped up in conversation that you didn’t notice when Owen walked through the door about half an hour later, but you always had a sixth sense when it came to him. You did try to ignore it though, as you moved a little closer to the cute new boy you had started talking to. You couldn’t quite remember his name at the moment, but that was a problem for another time.

You could hear his voice no matter where he was in the room, and while you tried to ignore it, you could tell that it was getting closer and you were having to fight every instinct you had not to look over at him. The only thing that helped you maintain your composure was the fact that every time Owen would speak, it was soon followed by a higher, more feminine voice that you were sure belonged to his date. The last thing you wanted while you were trying to work the room in a positive way was to be struck with the heartbreak you were sure to feel by seeing them together.

“YN, there you are!” Charlie called excitedly, pulling you out of your conversation with William? Or was this one David? Either way, you forced a smile onto your face as you turned to face your friend and cast mate.

“I’ve been standing in the same place all night, Charles, I can’t help it you’re oblivious,” you teased as he pulled you in for a hug, and a part of you wished that he would have remained oblivious for a little bit longer. You could tell that William, David, or whatever the cute boy’s name was, was about to ask you to dance. It would have been the perfect opening for you to try and make Owen jealous. 

When Charlie hugged you, you glanced over his shoulder to see that Owen was standing not too far away, and while he probably should have been paying attention to the conversation that was happening around him, you were surprised to see that his gaze was fixed on you. He had a drink in his hand that was going ignored, and while his date was excitedly chatting with Madison and Jadah, he seemed to be ignoring them as well.

Slowly, you pulled out of Charlie’s arms, and with one glance in the direction you were previously looking, he immediately knew what was going on. You saw his shoulders deflate a bit out of the corner of your eye as he looked at his friend and then back to you.

“You two need to talk,” he stated, and you could hear the exasperation in his voice. It was similar to how Savannah had sounded earlier in the night, and you quickly turned so that your back was now to the blonde, and you gestured towards the boy that you had been talking to before Charlie walked over.

“Well, I was kind of in the middle of a conversation when you came over so… maybe later.” You weren’t being very mature about the situation at all, and while it looked like Charlie wanted to say so, he threw up his hands in surrender and then walked away. You didn’t mean to come off so harsh, but Owen had been the one to mess everything up, so reasonably or unreasonably, you thought that he should be the one to come fix it.

Another hour or so passed, and neither you nor Owen approached one another, instead opting for a delicate dance around each other, pretending that the other wasn’t there except to occasionally share a few glances. You were trying to keep your spirits up, but anyone you would hear his date’s voice, or you would notice that Owen was laughing at something she said, you could feel your heart break more and more. Your hopes in making him jealous were fading, and you were starting to truly realize what a stupid venture it had been in the first place.

Eventually, you broke away from the third cute boy conversation of the night to head to the bathroom. You needed a moment to yourself as you could feel your emotions starting to get the better of you, and you just needed to take a breath somewhere where you wouldn’t hear Owen’s, or his date’s, voice. 

Once you made it to the bathroom, you closed and locked the door before turning to face the mirror as your hands gripped the edge of the countertop tightly. You took one, two, three deep breaths but the pain in your chest wasn’t subsiding. You took a good long look at yourself, and you wondered why you had been silly enough to think that, if Owen had broken up with you, he would suddenly want you back just because you put effort into how you looked for this one party. Your relationship had always been deeper than that, and that translated to your breakup as well. The breakup that you still didn’t understand. The breakup that you had never wanted to happen.

You didn’t know that, while you were having your breakdown in the bathroom, Owen was slowly falling apart in the middle of a room filled with people. He had been trying so hard to keep his cool all evening. However, from the moment he saw you when he stepped through the door, he knew this was all a horrible mistake. He should have cancelled with Jamie. Maybe he should have stayed home and not come to the party at all. He was overwhelmed with feelings and he didn’t know how to express them in a way that anyone else would understand. This heartache was all his fault, and it was something that he could have prevented entirely if he hadn’t been just so stupid. 

“You should go talk to her,” Jamie murmured into his ear just a few seconds after you had disappeared down the hall. The words took him by surprise as he looked over at the girl that had come here as his date. “Whatever is going on between you two… I think it deserves a conversation.” Owen’s brow furrowed as he tried to piece together what was happening. 

“I- I really don’t-“ he started, but Jamie stopped him with a small smile and a shake of her head.

“I think you do. I’ve seen the way you’ve been watching her all night – I mean, I would have to be blind not to – and I’ve also seen the longing looks she’s thrown your way as well. She’s been silently begging for you to say something, and believe me, I get it. I’ve been in a few complicated relationships before but… it doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t want it to be. Just go talk to her.”

The guilt must have been evident on Owen’s face at her words because Jamie reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder as she gave him a genuine smile. 

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. I could tell from the beginning that your heart was somewhere else. But you’re a good friend, Owen. I promise, there are no hard feelings.”

For a moment, Owen genuinely didn’t know what to say, but Jamie gave him a gentle shove towards the hall where you had just disappeared, urging him to do as she said. This time, he didn’t need her to say anything more. The bathroom door was the only one that was shut when Owen investigated the hall to try and find you, so he took a deep breath as he walked over to it before lifting his hand to knock. 

Even though it was soft, you jumped at the sound and you quickly wiped at your eyes where tears had started to form, hoping to brush them away.

“I’ll be right out!” you called to the person on the other side, and you took one last deep breath before pulling the door open. You froze in the doorway when you came face-to-face with Owen, but it was clear from the look on his face that he wasn’t at all surprised to see you. “Oh, Owen.”

He looked nervous as his blue eyes studied you, and you could feel your heart pound hard in your chest at how close you were to one another. This was the first time you had actually said a word to him in a while, and even though he still hadn’t said a word back, you were sure now that he had sought you out on purpose.

“Can we talk?” he asked, confirming your previous thoughts. You nodded slowly, and he stepped to the side so that you could move into the hallway and then follow him farther down until you came to the doorway of the guest bedroom. He motioned for you to step inside, so that you could have some privacy you assumed, and you did just that as he closed the door behind you.

“Where’s your date?” you asked, your voice hard as the question left your lips. You had no idea what Owen’s intentions had been getting you alone, but the devastation from the entire situation was still sitting heavy in your chest, and it was hard to ignore.

“She’s, uh, she’s not really my date,” he replied, clearing his throat as he spoke. You could still hear the nervousness in his tone, and when you turned to face him again, he was rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, at least not anymore.”

Even more confusion washed over you as you stared at him, and he took a daring step closer to you.

“And why not? Did you decide you don’t have feelings for her too?” The words that were flowing from your lips now were completely fueled by the hurt that you had been harvesting over the past month, and while Owen flinched a bit at your tone, he didn’t get angry.

“That’s not- YN, that’s not why I ended things, and I hope you know that,” he murmured, his hand falling to his side as you crossed your arms over your chest. 

“I don’t know that. Honestly, Owen, I don’t even know what to believe at this point. I used to be… I used to be so sure that you were the one person I would always understand, and yet now, I feel like I barely even know who you are.” The tears had started to form behind your eyes again, and your voice got caught in your throat as you started to get choked up. Owen’s face fell at your words and you could tell they were affecting him too. Good, you thought. He needs to know.

After taking a deep breath, Owen began speaking again.

“When I told you that I needed space, it wasn’t… it was never because my feelings for you changed. At least, they didn’t change in the way you thought they did. They didn’t go away, and they didn’t get smaller… they got bigger. My feelings for you grew every single day for three years, and I thought that eventually I would reach the peak of them, but no. The things I felt, and still feel, for you were expanding like an ever-growing universe and it scared me. It scared the hell out of me because I’m only 20 years old, YN. This… this is adult, real-life stuff and I didn’t think that I was ready for that yet.”

A range of emotions washed over you as you took in his words, and you barely noticed how he moved closer to you as he spoke. It wasn’t until you could practically feel his breath fan across your face and his hand brushed against yours that you realized he was right in front of you. If you were to reach out, even an inch, you could feel him. All it would have taken was one small motion to confirm to yourself that this was all real. There was a short moment of silence that fell between you, and when he realized that you weren’t going to speak up, he continued.

“But the truth is, nothing has felt right since the day we broke up. I didn’t think I was ready for us, but really, I’ll never be ready for a world where there is no us. Seeing you here tonight and thinking that you were dressed up for someone else, and just knowing that you thought I was trying to replace you with someone else, I just…” He hesitated for a moment as he tried to think of the proper words to conclude with. “You don’t have to forgive me, because I would understand if you didn’t. But I need you to know that I love you, I have always loved you, and I will continue to love you whether we’re together or not.”

A tear slipped down your cheek as soon as he finished, and his lips turned up in a sad smile as his hand lifted quickly to wipe it away. It was an action that he couldn’t help himself from performing, and as soon as his fingers made contact with your skin, you leaned into his touch without hesitation. Even after the tear was gone, Owen’s thumb still brushed against your cheek as he seemed to be taking you in.

“I’m so sorry for putting you through this,” he added, his voice barely above a whisper. “I think I’ll always be sorry.”

You couldn’t take it anymore as you felt the full wave of relief and pure love fill you from his confession, and you leaned up onto your tiptoes so that you could close the distance between you as your lips crashed against his. Kissing Owen felt like coming home, and his reaction was immediate as he cupped your cheek with his hand and his other hand came around to rest against your lower back, pulling you closer. You probably should have apologized for how you had been acting as well, but you knew that you could do it later. Right now, you needed this, and it was clear that Owen did too.

“I love you too, Owen,” you mumbled against his lips when you pulled away a few seconds later. “Always have, always will.” Then, you were kissing him again, and all the sorrow from the evening, and the last month, was slowly lifted from your shoulders and you felt like you could breathe again.

tags: @crybabyddl​ @chrlsgillespie​ @calamitykaty​ @alexpjoyner​