#i like the other style too but i might leave that for bigger drawings since it's making me mad rn

[mayhemmies]

hi i'm going back to my old style. because it brings me whimsy. stanlee post...

[crushedsweets]

It’s that time of year so I gotta ask;

What Christmas gifts do you see the Creeps getting for each other if they did or were capable of celebrating Christmas?

BEAUTIFUL ASK BEAUTIFUL ASK OK IM EXCITED. merry christmas guys :)

btw: the proxies, natalie, nina, and jack are often in contact

liu, jeff, ben, jane, sally, lulu, and ann do their own thing with their own families (or theyre undead and cant comprehend time passing.. or have nobody...etc)

GIFTS:

brian would try to get something small for a lot of the creeps (the proxies, natalie, jack, nina). candy, candles, lighters, watches, pocket knives, etc

tim might give cards but like... he'd only get brian and maybe toby a real gift, again something like cologne or whatever 'manly' shit LOL. gloves etc

toby would try to get something bigger for his friends. he's petty so he'd get tim something like socks. but he'd steal makeup for nina, a bike he would fix up and paint for natalie, CDs and tapes and stuff for jack, hoodies and hats for Kate. he'd buy brian a gag shirt every goddamn year. something with a stupid quote or ugly photo. every. year. brian eats it up everytime. also gets ben gag gifts, but really cheap ones cuz he..doesnt really use anything... but he likes to laugh

kate doesn't get anyone anything, but she like. cries really easily when she receives something. not like bawling 'OMG THANK U' but like she sniffles and has to walk away (if they don't hug her first) and then come back to say thanks. toby thinks its hilarious so he'd never leave her out even if she doesn't get him something

jack would have to ask nina and natalie if he could use their address to order gifts from amazon with his dark web money..... natalie is a safer bet, but he doesnt trust her not to open her and toby's gift, so he sends that to nina, then ninas gift to natalie, and its kind of a pain in the ass. but he's hella awkward and just outright is like 'can you guys just tell me what you want' so he'll get them exactly what they ask for. even if its kind of expensive. he makes plenty of money ...

natalie only buys stuff for toby, nina, and jack. but she'll get cards for jeff, ben, and kate. she spends a lot of time in thrift stores to get toby and nina stuff specifically for their style and size, and would even learn to do basic tailoring (like hemming) for it. she'd also paint something for/with nina, but she'd feel awkward doing it for toby. she'd get jack candles and pillows and like.. stuff to make his cabin feel/smell nice. since he can't really see it. ALSO AUDIO BOOKS FOR HIM.

nina goes all out. she's broke as fuck during november/december cuz of it. she's buying expensive jewelry, perfume/cologne, hoodies, shoes, consoles. she was fucking SPOILED growing up by her dad, and loves giving it back. one year she'd be dramatic as fuck and buy a whole ass console for kate and toby at the cabin. then realize toby and kate now wont text her back cuz theyre fucking gaming. LMFAOOOO . she'd make a ton of kandi and paint shirts and write letters and stuff.

liu would buy nina something nice, flowers and earrings and hair products and stuff. he'd mail jane+mary a card and chocolates, visit his parents graves and go see some cousins/aunts/grandparents for the holidays. he'd be out of state for the holidays, every time. he can't stand to spend the holidays alone

jane goes all out with her family too. she spends christmas eve with her family(and brings mary), aka her grandparents and aunts/uncles. she spends christmas day with mary's family. she would send liu a card back out of respect. she'd also spoil sally. sally is completely content spending christmas alone while jane goes to mary's family, but jane sets up netflix and toys and dresses and stuff for her.

sally lives with jane/mary fulltime, but she refuses to go anywhere other than the forest and jane's house. she'll draw cards for jane and mary every year and help them decorate. jane is grateful for sally, since she doesn't know if she'd have it in her to decorate without a child's joy motivating her

jeff doesnt do shit. he gets kinda depressed and hangs out with ben. might snag a card and some chocolates for natalie, MAYBE. if he's still "with" nina, he'll steal random stuff for her but not take into account her actual tastes. but him and ben just sit around and game while jeff smokes and eats hella . LOL

ann, lulu, sadie, and dina don't celebrate at all. again, they're stuck in timeloops or constant hazes, or have legitimately no interest in the holiday

extra random stuff:

nina forces kate, toby, and natalie into ice skating every year. photo booths, driving to see christmas lights.

toby tries forcing everyone to go over to jack's cabin ..cuz he doesn't wanna invite them to his LMFAOOOO. he says it's nina and brian's idea, but he's the one who sets the date and texts invites. him, jack, and natalie put together some dinner and everyone just kinda hangs out and eats.

nina decorates the fuck out of her apartment and goes to toby's cabin to put up some stuff. she hangs mistle toe and literally nobody listens to the 'rule' but she's always like "omg...kateeee...you and i just so happen to be under the mistle toe... >.<... what now..?" LMFAOOO

anyway merry christmas and happy holidays guys :) have a good day luv u

[blobmanwhotries]

Please welcome reaper Jeremy from my Subnautica AU!

Tried something different with my style- the shading leaves much to be desired but it's not the worst thing in the world, so I'll take it

Unfortunately there's no fic this time 😔

But I have hcs and lore below- seems odd for such a shy dude to be one of the most vicious and dangerous creatures, right?

First off - YES, he does have mandibles. I just didn't feel like drawing them.

Second, YES, he does have the front fins (the leg looking thingies) - they are on his hips. Again, I didn't feel like drawing them.

anyways

So, reaper leviathan. A notoriously horrifying and deadly creature in Subnautica. The destroy all vehicles, they destroy you, and don't hesitate to fight any surrounding fish.

Why the fuck ks Jeremy one when he's

A) Not a fighter

B) Passive

C) Too scared to actually fight anyone

The answer is simple:

His dad is a reaper. His dad is, in canon, a very fucked up individual. I don't want to spoil all of my canon lore just yet, but trust me when I say his dad is fucked.

In my mind (amd my friend's), Reapers are super introverted creatures. They mate every once in a while, usually a different partner, and one parent raises the kid. When the kid's an adult, they have to fight their parent for freedom to prove they're strong enough to survive on their own. This results in many injuries and, sometimes, death.

However.

Jeremy did not win that fight. He was even sustained permanent injuries and scars. He is, as you may guess, blind.

(In my canon, since Jeremy is usually depicted without eyes and just a question mark, I thought it'd be interesting if he was blind. This comes up a LOT in canon.)

At some point he escapes the Mountains, having been shamed for losing against his father and wanting to "start over" - see, even if Reapers are a reclusive species, they're still a community.

Now he chills by himself in the Dunes, away from most other fish and sustaining for himself.

Don't underestimate him just because he's blind and more passive than your average reaper. He can very much destroy any of your vehicles, attack large fish, and can navigate much better than you'd think a blind reaper could. He can hear especially well, and echolocation does have a role in it.

Jeremy is also , uh... Big. Like. Very big. Mostly long - but he's bigger than all of the human crew and Vincent (who is a lovely Warper, but that's for another time).

Hope y'all enjoy this info dump. I might go back and edit it at some point (it's 2 AM lmao). If there's any questions feel free to send them in the ask box 👍

[arthuluart]

Hiii - wanted to say first thing first I love your art style, it's so dynamic and fun and those color palettes? Stunning ^^

And second thing second, just some food for thought if you ever want to get angsty about Jerry and Dean, coffee by Chappell Roan sounds like it was written about their break up specifically and I can't stop thinking abt it dndnden

*Cue me losing my mind*

Hiii- they say flattery gets you everywhere and turns out with me, it gets you animatics- jkjk but I do appreciate the kind comments ^^

I’ll put up the animatic separately and take the opportunity to leave the preamble here to keep the video post neat bc until someone tells me to shut up and just post art- I’m gonna ramble… So here’s the commentary you didn’t ask for along with my favourite panels:

First off- You turned me into a big time Chappell Roan listener which is great bc I need music recs to fix my listening habits before Spotify wrapped drops. My roundup last year was shameful… Red Wine Supernova is my new dish washing song.

Even tho it’s not the song’s vibe I kept the content as silly as I could for my own sanity. I don’t love getting too deep into the serious/sad side of M+L for a few reasons but I do find it all very interesting. Point being this song was too good to pass up doing something a bit bigger for.

Ngl tho- this did have me pulling out hair at multiple points. I never colour animatics, rarely even tone them- but you mentioned colour palettes and I was determined to deliver so pardon the messy colouring but (that was the tradeoff) I did not have it in me to stay in the lines. I’m choosing to be kind to myself and opt to call it an artistic choice and not midway burnout. And nothing was gonna get me to open after effects/premiere not even the janky ass golf ball OML this only makes sense if u watch the video.

There are parts of this I’m SO happy with and others I hate. I think it’s really obvious which sections I started losing steam on but overall I lowkey like the end product. Nothing I make will ever be good/perfect- this was one hell of a practice in accepting that lmao- but I can still be ok with the work problems and all yknow? I very nearly shelved this completely bc I got so worked up about the maybe 5 panels I dislike out of 106 total. Counting them was eye opening to ask myself: you’re gonna let that small a ratio stop you from sharing this after putting in days and days of effort? The insecurity goes deep and TBH getting asks has been a nice way of working through it since I post the art I make for answers no matter what only bc I KNOW someone out there wants to see it. It might not sound it but it’s actually quite positive.

Also, although I feel I’ve done my fair share of reading, I’m no expert. So if anything is really off point- sorry my bad (I won’t fix it tho bc I cannot physically stand to look at this another second lol)

I tried to stick to real things found in articles/books/photos/interviews etc bc outside of obviously fictional AUs I’m not super into making stuff up about them (and who needs to I mean the legit stuff is already insane enough) Sure I framed the events in specific ways to suit the song and some aspects are fictionalized (mainly bc the referenced written accounts lacked detail to draw 100% faithfully from anyhow) but otherwise I got my sources cited.

ANYWAYS… sorry for hijacking this answer I need to learn to chill out. Irl I’m a pretty reserved talker so you can tell I’m in a comfy place when I let loose and blather on endlessly lmao brevity is not a skill I possess.

You were probably expecting illustrations or smth but I hope what I came up with is still somewhat alright AND please don’t let my complaining fool you, I genuinely loved making this.

One FINAL Relevant Note: the line “nowhere else is safe every place leads back to your place” is gut wrenching. You’re so right about this song perfectly describing the break up. They always came back to each other and there’s something so devastating about that kind of haunting human connection.

OkAY I’m done promise- I thought I’d implode if I didn’t get all that out

[wasyago]

Hey it's me again lmao You were wondering what specifically I was struggling with and I had to kinda take a moment to think about it, these are some of the examples I have digitally (there are a lot more traditional examples but I felt bad putting them on here already lmao). The reason I suppose I struggled to articulate my issues with drawing him kinda just boiled down to "it doesn't look right" I'd say my biggest struggles are the face shape, hair and just proportions of everything. Sorry if this is a bother, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but thank you for taking the time to understand in my last ask.

hehehe don't worry its not a bother, i love analyzing art so this is basically enrichment for me >:3!!

(a little disclaimer that all im saying will be from my perspective and according to my preferences in designs. its pretty obvious since you're asking me, but i feel like it needs to be said. also im sorry if im too harsh with anything)

face shapes can definitely be tricky, because even the slightest changes are super visible... you (in these drawings) tend to draw longer faces and define the jaw and chin. it might be worth it to try and bring out the cheeks or cheekbones a little. cheeks add roundness to the face and take some of the attention from the chin. cheekbones make the face feel more defined and sharp.

also try to leave some space between the eyes and the hairline, so they don't go over each other and have some space for expression. im not directly saying to draw a bigger forehead, because its really up to your style if the eyebrows sit where they should anatomically be or if they're more cartoony and go up higher, so there might be a lot of space that isn't actually considered a "forehead".

i really like the nose shape you draw for him, this sort of "v" shape, its super cute and looks interesting! so im not touching it, i like it.

another thing, you draw the guidelines for the face, like the lines that go through the middle vertically and horizontally, and its really good and helpful! but remember that those are just guidelines, they don't define the face, and sometimes they can be more constricting than helping. sometimes the face features go below or above them or shift because of perspective! not saying to completely not use them, especially if you're not feeling confident, but lowering the opacity on them or making them thinner would help!

and somewhat relating to the guidelines: you know how you draw the corners of his eyes on this middle line, but then the upper and lower eyelids go around it? this makes the eyes feel much higher on the face than they are. the inner corners of the eyes i would call one of the more charismatic parts, because they feel like the place where the eye starts, and then the direction the eyelids take is what brings in the character.. if that makes sence? by having both the inner and the outer corners of the eye on the same line, it removes the character, because none of the corners are dominant and they're not dynamic. by making one of the corners higher or lower than the other, it creates a more dynamic shape. and also removes the problem where the eyes feel like they're too close. this really is much easier to explain in a drawing....

sorry im on my phone rn

for the hair i think you're doing well! just remember to leave some space for the back of the head and above the hairline, because the face sits on the head but it's not the head itself, so there should be some area around it too. and also that hair have weight and volume and they go over the shape of the head and don't stick to it.

also don't foget to leave room for the neck! there's space between it and the chin, and there's space between it and the back of the head. and head doesn't have to sit directly in the middle of the neck, it can move from side to side and create interesting shapes depending on the angle.

and i guess yeah! experiment with shapes, sizes and dimensions, if something is wrong you can always erase it and draw again!

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I recently discovered that a pillow I had been wanting has gone on sale as such it's slightly more affordable which means I am pondering purchasing it however.... Some factors to consider ...~

It's a novelty being a dashhound shaped pillow, then the size while perfect for bed is long enough that transporting it in tote or backpack would not be doable~

So then I'd be stuck walking most likely or taking public transportation possibly with it back home and that just draws too much attention, like you'll notice a short person carrying an obviously way bigger item around~

I am not in elementary school so I worry it'd look uncute to others not that matters much but this anxiety and stuff is why I think it's better not to leave home/go outside and socialize~

Ironically it might be better to force socialization to attempt to overcome or better handle anxiety~

Then I've been considering fashion a lot lately, there's the fashion I adore and now that I have freedom to wear what I wish without worrying about school dress codes, it becomes more possible to wear such aesthetics however I am an adult and wearing childish prints no matter how adorable may seem inappropriate~

Classical elegant styles that I adore as well seem suited only for tall flawless model beauties~

At least I know that if I go to the one store they will have high quality products and I'll always be able to find another super soft oversized sweater~

I've been trying to narrow down costume for Halloween but honestly I think of too many options and that's not counting prepackaged costumes versus pieced together ones using variety of clothing options~

I may just skip it after all I haven't been feeling overly social and trick or treaters have lots of options for visiting to get candy~

I could stay in and watch movies instead which will probably be what happens~

I am half tempted to pair down wardrobe again and just invest in several pairs of fuzzy super comfy and cute pajamas sets~

After all if I can avoid socializing more than I don't have to worry about what other people would think because it's just me and comfy soft pajamas are nice~

I've started thinking about trying to write a short story or book with it being a cliche romantic story and writing a character similar to myself as one of leads but I am not really a writer~

Then it's not like some handsome charming man will sweep me off my feet, sure in a fictional world I could create character that likes me partly for the flaws I see in myself but maybe they'd find cute in some way like most romantic cliche troupes go~

I really been craving gingerbread men cookies and considering pumpkin pie since it's that time of season, well almost October is still a bit aways and fall doesn't officially start until the 22nd but the heat just makes me long for the chilly autumn and cold winter that I sooooo desire to have this year~

I am rectangular shaped or so that's what I see in the mirror on the occasion I wear a fitted dress~

Hourglass shapes are obviously attractive maybe rectangular if you're like tall and really thin but not if your short and not so thin~

I recently found out that your waist size should only be half of your height, which means I am failing there too~

I wish I could create my own winter maybe it'd improve my mood though to be fair while sitting by window as snowflakes cover everything with some hot cocoa wrapped in a blanket and wearing a cozy sweater would help some I could just get a little sad that Santa disappears after childhood, well not really but he's only there for children not so much adults which makes sense and all~

Maybe I am just being selfish, it's not like material things matter when considering life and death~

I kinda want to call my dad and be like do you think I am pretty /beautiful because I want that reassurance that I am by hearing him say that but the reality is if I did call and get the nerve to ask he'd laugh and ask me if I was asking because I wanted to hear that I was pretty/beautiful then that it didn't matter what he thinks what matters is what I think of my self, and he's not going to just give me a compliment because I want one as well that there's always room for improvement~

See? So I don't need to talk to him as I can play out what he'd say and he has his own life and doesn't need me taking time away from all the things he has to keep him busy etc~

My mother scares me sometimes, like I thought I'd matured well enough especially the last few years with trying to care for her in a way any therapist would but at the same time, it's like do people always turn out to be their parents? Is it inventable because to be honest, I don't want to be some gloomy depressed always the victim etc that she is~

Of course she has good qualities too, but yeah~

It's not like I didn't have a childhood, I did for a little while then things changed, circumstances etc and I adapted I always thought I handled it pretty okay but it's ridiculous of me to want something back that just can't be~

If school wasn't so expensive and tediously long I'd consider a career as a librarian, sounds nice and cozy or art teacher at an elementary school because that's the most fun when it comes to crafts and art stuff~

Teachers however have so many hoops to jump through and most require you get a minimum of bachelor's with the understanding that you work towards getting your master's then all the state and board exams as well as continuing educational classes to keep up with any changes to education systems etc~

If you read this and leave a like it's appreciated but not expected~

[py-dreamer]

Adding on to the Undertale I guess-

Um, Grown up AU! Don't ask why they're all similar ages, they just are. In the Au, da kids did too many resets, glitched the timeline and somehow pressed the reset button all at the same time. Somehow, all of them became corporeal and most of the characters have been age-swapped! (As in the kids are adults and the adults are now kids) They now have to adapt to the new environment but don't worry, they're adjusting well...mostly

Chara is NOT the captain of the royal guard in this AU. (I'll let you guess who it is) but they ARE Asriel's right hand and know very well how to fight.

Frisk is the diplomat between humans and monsters (I think the barrier gets broken at one point in the au idk) but don't underestimate them cause, while they prefer to use words, they still know how to kick ass.

Blow the trumpets and make way for the king of monsters...KING ASRIEL DREEMURR!!! (If you couldn't already tell, he's kinda my favourite-) Mans has his cool glowing swords and fireballs but sadly does not have his lightning, comets or giant blaster skull thingy. Mah furry boi can still smash your face in though. Btw, on his shirt in the middle pic, it says: 'King Fluffybuns Jnr.' that you bet Frisk & Chara got for him.

For Frisk, I'd figured they'd be more adventurous with their style (they can absolutely rock feminine and masculine) with some more sporty wear but main style is still comfy. I wish I could've made their work wear more detailed, but I still couldn't think of much. I headcannon that they like to buy a bunch of pins and patches to just stick on their clothes. They get the others some pins and badges to but they're not that into it. They still wear some badges though.

In the game its kinda a trend that kids wear striped sweaters and I gave the stripes to Frisk since I think they're the most childlike in this au. Nothing derugatory, just more excitable, cheerful and playful.

As you'll probably have noticed, I gave Chara an Undercut and long hair. I just wanted to give them a different look to Frisk and I really like the beanie but again, they look almost too much like Aimsey. There's nothing wrong with that but looking back, I feel like the two have similar asthetics and the beanie made them look way too similar. I gave them combat boots cause that's cool and a different pattern on their sweater? Overalls? Overshirt? Idk.

I didn't really do much with Azzy other than give make him taller, give him a silghtly yellow beard, made his horns much bigger and gave him a different pattern on his sweater. I imagine him taking care of the flowers now and gave him a less armour heavy king outfit that his dad cause I'd assume he'd be less likely to go to war on the humans.

Chara and Azzy kept the same colour palette cause I think it might take them even longer to adjust. I mean, these two were dead for centuries, one was an apathetic flower who committed mass genocide and the other was basically forced to commit mass genocide. I'm not pinning the blame on anyone but I think these two in particular still have a lot of trauma to overcome.

But they still have each other don't worry.

Umm, in terms of my style, I tried thicker lineart in some areas. It's most prominent in Azzy's design I think so let me know what you guys think.

Will I be drawing the rest of the main cast? Idk, probably not but who knows?

Idk what to name the au, maybe you guys can leave an idea?

Until next time my lovely marshiemallows!

(Click on photos for better quality)

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

*goes into 'edit tags' on ao3, clicks the box to ad relationships, starts typing*

Time jump to 2018. Also on ao3.

June 15th promt 20. Coming out as intersex.

Getting Kris and Jan on the band is probably still one of the best things Bojan has ever done. Their styles of playing are different, sure, but they sound so good together. With their help, the past two years have been filled with songwriting, music competitions and performances. Throw in some band practices and a few parties in the the mix, and the result is a group of teenagers living their best lives. 

Sure, the plan from the start had only really been to befriend Kris so that a stupid, non-existing crush would go away. The befriending part had gone really well, Bojan considers Kris as one of his best friends by now. But the disappearance of romantic feelings? Nah, they’d turned in to a not so stupid, very existing crush. How pathetic, the only real crushes Bojan had ever had, had both been on friends slash bandmates. 

Not that either of them were ever going to find out about that. Or, at least Bojan wouldn’t tell them. Martin and Kris are both smart, and maybe Bojan isn’t the best at hiding feelings. But so far, nobody had brought it up, so hopefully that must mean that neither Kris nor Martin had figured anything out.

That is of course until a band practice in mid July. It’s a really good practice, one where everything sounded good. But what happens afterwards is even better. Jan’s car is broken at the moment, so he has to run in order to catch his bus home. Martin has to leave too, he’s working in a supermarket over the summer and has a shift. Matic leaves with an excuse about visiting his grandma, and suddenly Bojan and Kris are left to lock up the rehearsal room all by them selfs. It’s a quick task, just checking that everything is turned off before locking the door, but when it’s done, neither of them leave. They just stand there in silence for a minute until Kris finally says something. 

"So... do you want to hang out or something? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I was just thinking since you weren’t leaving-". Bojan cuts him off before he can continue rambling. 

"I'd love to hang out. How about we try that new ice cream place?" 

It's only a quick walk away, a place near the river selling some delicious looking ice cream. Upon arrival, Kris gets one scoop of strawberry sorbet, and then he insists on paying for Bojan's chocolate scoop. They end up sitting on a bench, talking about a new song they're working on, until Bojan has finished his ice cream. Kris however, has only eaten half of his, and is now drawing patterns in his pink, half-melted mush.

"Not hungry?", Bojan asks, because he can't think of anything else to say. But instead of answering, Kris says something so unexpected that Bojan might faint. 

"Can this be a date? Can this please be the time where we admit our feelings for each other? You like me too, I know you do".

Bojan is too stunned to say any words that together make a scentense. He is however aware he's saying words. Words like 'yes' and 'please'. Kris just watches him stammer with a smile on his lips growing bigger. And then it's as if he's heard enough. Kris looks the empty street up and down as if to make sure no one is watching, before giving Bojan a quick, soft kiss.

It's way too quick for Bojan to be satisfied, but he doesn't have time to kiss Kris again before the street isn't empty anymore. It is a popular pedestrian street after all. 

"Let's do this- let's do that again sometime, please", Bojan says instead.

Not even a day passes before the wait becomes unbearable. Bojan simply must get another kiss from Kris, so he goes to Kris' apartment and hopes that he's home. Luckily, Kris is not only home, but also home alone. He invites Bojan to his bedroom, and together they spend a good amount of time on Kris' bed, making out.

"I think my family will be home soon", Kris says after a while, before placing another kiss on Bojan's lips. 

"Okay. So, full stop now or do you not mind if your parents finds you like this?".

"Do you not mind if Miha 'Gušti' Guštin finds you making out with his son?".

"Way to kill the mood". But that day is not the only day with a mood. The following two weeks are full of days with moods, and as soon as they're alone, Bojan gets to kiss the guy he's had a crush on for the past two years. Scrap that, Bojan gets to kiss the guy he's had a crush on since the first time they met.

Early August is upon them by the time Bojan feels the need to clear things up. His parents are away for the weekend, and Kris is staying over. Bojan's been meaning to bring it up before, but it's to difficult. But he has to say it. If anyone will understand, it's Kris. 

"I need to tell you something", he says while picking at an uneaten edge of the pizza they've bought. "It's about, well, sex".

"Oh. Yeah, sure, we should definitely talk about that" Kris says, and he almost looks relieved. Bojan guesses he's been meaning to bring the same subject up. 

"So, basically, if you don't want to have sex then I'm totally fine with that. But if you do want to, then I want you to know that I am totally okay with whatever you have, uhm, down there". It’s not the only thing he has to say, but Bojan has to pause for a second in order to appreciate Kris' giggles. 

"One more thing. It’s about me. I- I was at the doctors a while ago. They think I have something called Klinefelters syndrome. It gives me some more feminine features in the- around the chest and hip areas. Oh and apparently it makes the... testicles smaller". Bojan hadn't expected it to be so difficult to talk about this, but it is. It's so difficult. He can barely get the words out, and looking at Kris is completely out of the question.

"That's okay with me. I know what it's like to have those kinds of features. And hey, at least you have testicles, and I'm guessing you even have a dick. That's more than what I have. I'm totally okay with whatever you have down there too, okay? We'll figure this out together". Kris' words could make Bojan cry, but he blinks the tears away the best he can. A quick kiss finds it's way on to Bojan's cheek and then Kris goes to get some more pizza. Bojan could live in this moment forever. 

[weregreatatcrime]

AYO CAN I GET UHHHH number 9, 22, 24, 29, 30 and can i get some fries with that?

Ask meme here!

9: How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?

Very hard to say just because when I'm hyperfocused on art I might spend two hours a day or so and fill up like ten pages a day, but then go like two weeks without touching my sketchbook lol. Currently not in a drawing mood so iiiiii haven't actually touched it in a sec. Last thing I drew were maps for dnd

22: Are you confident that you’re improving steadily?

Absolutely. To a degree. I'm positive that I've always been improving in my art, except for my health crisis in 2021(? Ish) when I spent two years without picking up the pencil. Both for mental health reasons and because I literally couldn't hold one lmfao.

Getting back into art after that was hard. Having to train myself to hold a pencil was rough and my skill definitely suffered. I don't think I've gotten back up to where I was in skill before that time. Sometimes it's really, really frustrating. But also I've found that I've gone a bit of a different style since then as well, which I think is really cool and interesting. Some things I'm picking back up faster than others. Fuck, sometimes I SHADE my art now. I never used to do that lmao

24: Do you feel jealous when you see other people’s art, or inspired? (Be honest!)

Nope! My personal journey with art has taught me a lot about the technical skills that go into art. My personal problems being unable to draw for so long taught me how to sit back and stop thinking about what I can't do, but to admire what others Can. I don't get jealous of other people's art- I'm just in awe of it. It's amazing what different people can create with different skill and ability sets and I think there's something real fucking magical about that. Sometimes I use other people's art as inspiration, seeing little techniques I wanna try out, but overall... idk. Leaving art for the reasons I did gave me a much bigger appreciation for everything about it and I just can't find it in myself to compare art because everything is unique and amazing

29: For traditional artists: How do you usually start on a big piece? (Light sketch, colored lead, sketchpaper, etc)

I use a really cool red toned oil pencil from Faber Castel for my under sketches! Then I follow it up with just normal pencil lines. If I'm feeling spicy, I'll lightly shade or add deeper values with the red. I'm a simple lad. My art is almost entirely sketches and anatomy work because that's what I love to do

30: What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

*points up to 24* All of that. My personal experiences have given me a pretty solid love of all artwork and it all inspires me.

Most of all? Collaborative work of any sort. Fandoms are considered collaborative work. Drawing things for my own writing. Drawing things for a friend's writing. Drawing OCs interacting. Shipping friends' OCs, with each other or Canon ships! Making stupid funny shitposts that haunt the collective mindscape for years to come. (I don't think the Trollhunters Fandom will ever forgive me for Thiccmar) Writing something that inspires someone to draw. Drawing something that inspires someone to write. Art trades. Are collabs. Countless role-playing. My friends who commission me to draw or write them the craziest shit that I have an absolute ball with. Just stuff that makes other people see it and go "I can play with these toys too!"

Collaborative work fuels my fucking soul and I love love love getting to do things with other people, when I have the capability of doing so

[angxliquel]

The Main Four

The Main Four are all friends in this AU. In middle school, they were assigned as a group in RLA Class to do a dystopian free style story. Surprisingly, they chose to do theirs on a Zombie Apocalypse. Ironic. Ever since then, they've been friends. I like to think they all didn't like each other in the beginning because of how different they all are, but slowly grew together. Oh, Quint and Jack were friends before that though.

Individual Headcannons:

Jack

- He's still an Orphan lol. He moved to Wakefield in sixth grade and hasn't been shipped off anywhere since. Is it because he has loving parents now? No. They're just those type of people who are so busy that they forget they adopted him. He's mostly home alone while they're on business trips.

- Evie is his adoptive older sister. Idk about you guys, but they definitely have some younger brother- annoying older sister dynamic going on. They have different last names because 🤷

- He's in the NewsPaper club. And in this Au, he joined because he actually likes Photography and just thought it would be neat.

- Trans ftm. Also Bisexual.

- They use his Tree House as a Hangout. They have sleepovers every once in a while. Jack doesn't really like the sleeping part though, and it maybe because he's known to be prone to nightmares.

- Worries that his friends might not like him sometimes. He's been through a lot

- He takes French. Only French taker of the group. Quint already knows it, June takes Spanish because she just wants an easy A, and Dirk also takes Spanish.

Quint

- President of the Robotics club. And the chess club. And the science club. Somebody give him a break.

- Helps everyone with their homework. Also tutors.

- He wears his lab coat to school sometimes.

- He can draw. Really good actually. He claims it's because a good scientist knows how to document information is multiple forms, but it's really because he just likes drawing.

- When Evies using the treehouse, they'll all go to Quint's house since his parents are on vacation. They use this as a second option because every time they go there, they end up breaking SOMETHING

- The sensible one in the group. The other 3 will be talking about doing something dumb on the gc they have, and Quint will be like: " Guys please no you're gonna end up going to jail or dead."

- Dirk DID bully him in Middle School, but they've been mending their relationship and are actually really good friends now.

- Helps Jack with his French. He takes German because that's the language he isn't nearly fluent in yet.

June

- President of the NewsPaper Club. Constantly has to remind Jack to turn in his pictures for the Monthly Newspaper

- She still does sports. One of the bigger one's is fencing. ( Y'know, since in the first three books her weapon was a spear.)

- In Middle School, she was one of the Top Students. Think of like Amity from TOH. She was taught to be the best. She's learned a lot though, and she's loosened up.

- Knows how to Rollerskate. Like way too well. To the point that's how she gets to school. Probably wouldn't even get a car if she was able too.

- Bisexual

- Had a goth phase. 100% had a goth phase. If you mention it you'll leave with a few bruises.

- She actually likes to write stories. Her writing skills are really good and the class she does best in is RLA

- Still calls Jack " Sullivan." He'll call her " Del Toro" too in response. Won't admit this, but she MIGHT like him. might. very little chance though. ( she does.)

- She likes to collect stuff. Like really random stuff.

- She's in the Spanish AP class

Dirk

- Has a knack for things like Home ED. Surprisingly, he's also on the Football Team.

- Isn't a bully anymore. Nobody in the school really brings it up

- the second most sensible in the group. Quint will be telling them not to do something dumb and Dirk will say: " Yeah, what Quint says." He has to stop Jack and June from doing dumb stuff when Quint isn't around. He's kinda like an older brother to them all.

- He's a good cook. A really good cook.

- Has to wear reading glasses

- Would 100% be the one to drive them to school if they could drive

- He'll sometimes help out the Newspaper Club. Jack tries to convince him to join but Dirks like: " nah."

- Western and Horror Movie Fanatic.

- Quint has to tutor him the most, but he's trying. His grades are slowly getting better and better.

- His Daddy issues are slowly creeping up on him

- He and June have a bond over collecting stuff.

And thats it for now lol. Currently waiting on my Ao3 account thing to get approved, but once it does ya'll are done for. Ik this is like super long but who cares.

[chihirolovebot]

aaaaahh thank you so much!!!

right now i’m almost done with the prologue meaning i’ll have a full chapter to send you soon!!! the menu stuff might look a bit weird because i’ve left them on a default setting until i come up with a theme that i think will look right!! i hid a ton of easter eggs around (especially during the part where you choose your name) so be on the lookout for those when i send you it!

also please don’t worry about the sprites and cgs !! i wanna try my hand at a more challenging game, so i’m actually going to make my own sprites and background art and stuff so it’s all very stylized! i just think it would have its own charm then and not be too similar to the original games, while of course sticking to your original script! ill look for help with getting art and stuff from some friends and acquaintances who might be interested in this kind of project :D since it’s summer i’ve had a lot more free time, so i think i should be able to get the loose ideas pinned down this month ! though it’s gonna take a bit longer than originally anticipated !

speaking of the art, do you have anything in particular you wanna carry into the style? like do you want it to look gritty and sharp or soft with warm tones and stuff or smth different? :o

AHHHH IM SO EXCITED IM LITERALLY. SITTING HERE SHAKING N CRYIGN. im rly looking forward to ur stylisation and everything and i pinky promise i AM working on that list of important stuff that should be included it's just. there's a lot of story to go thru. i rly should make a list of loose ends i have to tie up. but anyways that will be done in a couple of days i think!!!

im gona give u entire free reign over the art mostly bc i don't know enough about it to comment. from what i've seen from u already it's in good hands!! i did rly like the block-colour style of the last few drawings u sent me, but idk if that's a sustainable style for a bigger project so i will honestly leave it up to you <3

sidenote do u think it would be easier to talk abt the project somewhere else? idk if u have discord or anything but it might be easier than jumping into each other's inboxes when we have updates and stuff. just an idea!!! /gen

and thank u so so much again!!! i cannot believe how much effort ur putting into this <333

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long  story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

[tilta-whirl]

Hiii!

Can i have a match up for fnaf security breach if that's ok?

I’m 5’3,female,ambivert and i love to draw and am pretty good at it(though it leans more on a cutesy style)!

Draws anyone i enjoy hanging out with or if they ask me since i honestly i don't mind drawing them if asked.

When meeting new people I'm pretty shy but still engage in a conversation if the other person has started it,i also get more loud and outgoing if i know the person enough but otherwise i get a bit too shy to introduce myself to others i don't know yet.

Gets attached fast once i find someone that talks to me and i might start rambling on about anything once i get comfortable with them-

Might get a bit quiet if there's too many people i don't know and just stick to people i know and talk to them if able to.

Not exactly the best sleeping schedule,might stay up a bit too late at night and accidentally pass out atleast once or twice a day unless I'm talking with someone or something interesting is going on.

Pretty good with kids since i had to babysit a few kids when i was younger and still currently sometimes do when asked,I'm more of a entertainer than anything despite being a bit lazy at times.

Also a bit shy at first but more outgoing as times goes on when interacting with kids.

Have this weird thing going on where i enjoy creepy/spooky things to the point where i find them fascinating despite being scared.

Also when nervous or doing an activity that looks a bit scary,i calm myself by saying things like "oh noooo,I'm gonna die" which somehow calms me down and if someone is with me then i jokingly say "if I'm dying,you're dying me with meeee(insert crazy laugh out of being nervous)"

Sorry if this was a bit long but hope it was enough!

This is actually my first time actually interacting on tumblr so i was a bit nervous about this but hopefully i did this correctly!

But anyway,hope you have a good rest of the day/night and thank you if you end up doing this!

I give you.. Sundrop! Sunnydrop? Sun?

The solar daycare attendant!

When you first meet them it’s probably one of the daycare kids introducing you. Wether it’s a little sibling, cousin, or some random kid you befriended, Sundrop is more than happy to see that the kids like you.

When you start entertaining the kids, probably putting on a mock concert, Sundrop is grateful that they can clean up without the kids making an even bigger mess.

Absolutely will pick you up and hold you like a ferret.

Probably calls you “My Helper” when you’re first starting to help out. Oh yeah they definitely manage to get you hired as a worker at the daycare.

Finds your drawings adorable. They find you adorable. You’re so cute, being so shy around bigger crowds but getting along with them and the children easily.

Moon... well Moondrop doesn’t really care about you, and the only reason they don’t torment you like everyone else is because Sundrop likes you. More than anyone else. Moondrop finds it strange and doesn’t want whatever you did to Sundrop to happen to them too.

Your obsession with creepy things somehow keeps you from leaving your job even after Sundrop starts glitching and acting strange. Maybe it’s the curiosity?

Once Sundrop finally realizes just why exactly their wires spark when you hold their hand, it’s over.

They start calling you “Sunshine” and cheesy names like “Shnook-ems” or “Honey bunches”

Trying to leave will get you hunted down by Moondrop (who does it only because Sundrop starts throwing a fit and destroying the daycare trying to you.)

Luckily Sundrop is more manipulative than violent so you’ll never have to worry about getting hurt.

Not intentionally anyway.

A good night/day to you as well!

[houseboatisland]

I'm rather curious for your own takes on Thom Thom~✨💙

Edit credit to @/ComradeOpThomas from Twitter, this is my ideal Thomas!

(Season 5 Thomas is the best Thomas, I don’t make the rules)

I started this hoping for it not to become a whole biography, but it just kept pouring out of me, so here's a very, very long post indeed lol

Thomas is NOT an L.B.S.C.R. E2 Class. He’s actually a unique design born to the North Western Railway in its earliest days… and in remarkably sad circumstances.

When the Railway Executive Committee first took over in August 1914, they were repulsed at the state of the Sudrian railways. Here were several argumentative companies operating in isolation from one another, with geriatric engines and stock, and one of them hadn't even run a train or maintained its permanent way since the start of the century. A key agenda item of the R.E.C.'s was a continuous, efficient railway system to quickly move men and materiel to the Island's eastern coast were Ireland to side with Kaiser Bill against John Bull. The existing standard gauge railways would have to be more or less torn up and rebuilt from scratch, and several new miles of track laid in to make for a single fluid network.

This required, among other things, many new engines. Several came over the Channel as and when could be spared by the Mainland, but as it became increasingly clear that the war would not be over "by Christmas," this wasn't an ideal long-term solution. The R.E.C. was especially upset that it had to put so many of its tender engines onto construction trains when their strength could be better used on other work. Two tank engines off the former Wellsworth and Suddery Railway, No. 1 "Short" and No. 2 "Stumpy" were by now nearing fifty years old, and exhausted mechanically.

The R.E.C., out to keep costs down and use resources to the fullest, ordered the N.W.R. to scrap these two engines and use the best parts of each to create one new engine. Measurements were taken, plans were hastily drawn up, and Short and Stumpy were quietly cut up in January 1915. Several fittings were made new for what odds and ends neither engine could contribute a usable part. The resulting new engine was "Thomas," who was put to work fresh off the shop floor.

Thomas at this point became the N.W.R.’s No. 1 quite by accident. He was the first engine to be built at Crovan’s Gate, and the REC misinterpreted this on his builder’s plates as an intention by the N.W.R. TO make him No. 1. So when Thomas gained his number, the R.E.C. and the N.W.R. both assumed this was deliberate by one another. And it was just too much of a hassle and too unimportant to change, so No. 1 he stayed.

As for his name, Thomas is named after Thomas Reginald Payne, the North Western Railway's first Chief Mechanical Engineer. Payne had made Thomas' construction a reality, from drawing up his blueprints to supervising his piecing together. Payne, who was CME from 1914 to his death in 1951, never forgot this connection to "his" engine, and often wanted to be on the shop floor whenever Thomas was in for repairs.

Thomas’ “infancy” was in a word, harsh. He was working around the clock, surrounded by engines who came and went, and did little if any socializing. Foremen were ordering him about at every turn. His first friend ever was the new N.W.R. No. 2, Edward, the former Wellsworth and Suddery Railway’s No. 5 and only tender engine, who knew his old crewmates were chopped up to make Thomas. Thankfully, Edward knew better than to let Thomas in on this, lest he give him some sort of existential crisis, and he made quick work of making himself a mentor to the little engine.

In these conditions, Thomas’ “cheeky” and anti-authoritarian streak took shape. His whole life thus far had been work and taking lumps from his superiors, most of whom were English and not Sudrian. This morphed into a disrespect for big engines, who wanted him to be their errand boy as construction work began to ebb and focus shifted to running trains. Ever the contrarian, Thomas only doubles down on his disrespect for tender engines when he finds out that that’s “the traditional order of things.” Edward is of course exempt from this attitude, but in his tensest moments Thomas can even lose patience with HIM momentarily.

The war finally ends. January 1919 sees the N.W.R. out to make an identity for itself as peacetime takes hold and Parliament quietly rumbles about Grouping or outright Nationalization. Thomas is the first engine to wear "Hatt Blue with Red Stripes," the company's planned standard livery. This isn't unique to him for long, however, and Thomas' new line of work from hereon is Station Pilot for Vicarstown. Needless to say this is upsetting to him. He's not moving up and down the Island like he was when building the railway. He's still rushed off his wheels. He's expected to be answerable to tender engines as he makes up their trains. Most importantly, he's still having as much difficulty as before to make time to make friends. This new job is in every respect everything Thomas could have wanted to avoid, and there's no telling if he'll ever even get out of it. January 1919 is thus where "Wants to See the World" Thomas begins.

Thomas still gets to see Edward regularly, and he is for a pinch joined by two other tank engines shunting at Vicarstown. They're also ex-Wellsworth and Suddery Railway, Nos. 3 and 4 "Edwin" and "Victor." Thomas befriends Victor, who is a friendly old joker, but dislikes Edwin who has become cranky in his old and as a 2-4-0T has a tendency to slip and not be of much help. They leave him too, in 1922, when The Fat Director relocates them to run other branchlines on the Island. So, 1922 onward, we meet Thomas as the sole pilot, thoroughly busy and thoroughly lonely.

This seems more or less canon, but The Fat Director probably sent Thomas to Wellsworth after his runaway with Edward's trucks in anticipation of giving him the Ffarquhar Branch once he was a matured engine. He didn't give Thomas the line just because he rescued James in fine style, that was really what made his mind up.

Thomas looks kindly enough on Henry as a big engine at this time, he and Edward as mentioned aren't necessarily the kinds of "Big Engines" he dislikes. He'll occasionally give him a tease or two, or lose patience with his health, (something he now deeply regrets years later,) but there's no real malice in it. Think of him as the little brother poking fun at his bigger brother for having one arm in a cast, but altogether still feeling sorry for him and accommodating him how he can. Henry for his part appreciates Thomas, but takes his teasing very seriously considering how sensitive and implicating it is to, you know, his whole existence.

My idea of Thomas' relationship with Gordon is heavily inspired by @/mean-scarlet-deceiver's: Thomas is initially awed by Gordon's arrival and finally confident the N.W.R. can survive, but quickly resents him when he shows his true colors as a "big engine" through and through. I wouldn't even call Gordon and Thomas "friendly" until their alliance at Toryreck Mine. From 1923 all the way up to then, depending on when you place it, they... legitimately dislike each other. There's no affection beneath all the ribbing and jibes, they ACTUALLY disliked each other that whole period of time.

I'm still hashing out my headcanon of 98462 and 87546, (just know that those aren't actually their numbers,) but it's safe to say Thomas hates their guts, and '62 and '46 hate his guts in return as a servant willing to speak up for himself.

Thomas and James were a couple from 1924 to 1933, when they broke up amid the Big Engine Strike. I'd really rather reserve this for a post of its own at a later date.

Thomas and Percy are good friends, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them "best friends" like the TVS has so often hammered in. They clearly come to blows whenever the tension's too much. I like to explain that away as a shift in Thomas' character. With him doing more passenger work as Percy and Toby handle the stone trains, and his increasing fame, Thomas begins looking down on Percy, not long after he transferred to Ffarquhar in 1955 in fact. This might also have to do with unresolved feelings between them both. (Hey, remember that little green engine you kissed once just to try it over twenty years ago? He's your roommate now, probably forever. Play nice!)

[into-crazy]

tender

Ledger!Joker x Female Reader drabble

Summary: You're self-conscious about the smallness of your breasts. J's there to assure you that he adores them and you regardless.

Warnings- Cursing, insecure reader, self-conscious thoughts & talk, comfort, intimate touches, fluff(J style?), ages 18+

This is quite a little self-indulgent piece (what's new??) Might be tmi, but I'm a B cup & these are thoughts/feelings that pop up from time to time. I hope I didn't write J too ooc in this but.. A lady just really needs a bit of comfort from her J sometimes, you know?💜💚

I'd also like to give a special thanks & shout out to @ahsxual for encouraging me to post this & offering help when I needed it. Thank you darling!!💖💖

This has already been done before. Quite a few times actually, more than you'd want to acknowledge. And it leaves you with the same low feeling each time. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you think that this would somehow be different than the last times you've tried?

In front of the large mirror, you inspect your newest purchase. Which happens to be a push-up bra. You're not sure why you had thought it was a good idea to buy it, since regular bras and bralettes are your usual preferences. There was something about this one that looked promising back at the store, being it's a simple style bra with some lace detailing and a little extra padding. But now that you're here wearing it in the privacy of your bedroom, it's all just wrong.

Sure the bra helps with pushing up your boobs, making them appear larger and fuller. But that's all it really is, an illusion. A false appearance to what size they actually are. Well, now that doesn't make you feel any better. Honestly it makes you feel worse. Deceitful, like you are lying. Inevitably the truth comes out. Take it off, and your breasts remain the same. They'll always be the same. No amount of bras bought now or later will change that.

You wish you had bigger breasts.

The idea of implants had sounded appealing on a few occasions. Emphasis on few, because you'd soon scrap the concept as fast as it came and forget all about it. No matter how wonderful and tempting the visual seemed. You didn't really want to add those silicone fillers into your body. Nope, no thanks.

You just want to be able to fill up the spaces of certain tops and dresses. To have a fuller cleavage, especially when you wear low-cut shirts. To have the perfect amount to look lovely and plump in those pretty little strapless tops- it would also help with keeping the fabric in place instead of annoyingly siding downwards a lot. Which means tube tops are a hit or miss. Oh to feel amazing in a beautiful, plunging neckline dress. You've worn all of those at least once before and you'd felt nice in certain ones.

But then there were those pestering insecurities that'd find the convenience to creep up and attack you. Even when you're feeling rather confident in the moment. All it takes is one lingering glance at your chest and no other form of distraction, then there's nothing to stop the incoming negative thoughts and emotions. Flooding into your mind like a giant wave before you have the chance to secure a dam. And these thoughts can be very nasty sometimes, more relentless upon their resurface.

You felt lacking. Too small. Inadequate and unattractive.

How could J possibly find you attractive?

He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't.

What if he truly doesn't? That can't be right, surely he does. J always made it known. Showing how much he wants and adores you. He's never presented you with a reason to feel or think otherwise. No, this was all you and your doing. All of you jumping to such hasty conclusions which you feared could be true.

Does he secretly wish there was anything different about you? Would he prefer that you had larger breasts?

You were so caught up in your own self deprecating mindset, that you failed to notice J had stepped into the room. You'd left him in the living room to watch the Gotham news segment report about him and his last job. However, once the station moved on to the next topic, he quickly grew bored and moved(without even bothering to turn off the TV) in search for you. He came in rather quietly than loud and obnoxiously. Leaning against the doorway, he watched you stand there in your bra and jeans.

How he wished he could read what was going through that pretty buzzing head yours. A lot of times he was able to given his impressive attentiveness. He had an idea of what you were thinking from simply taking in how you were looking at yourself. Seeing you frustratingly fumble with the straps of the bra while examining your own chest in such displeasure and embarrassment. Now that, he didn't like that at all. So he felt the need to step in and put a stop to it.

"Knock, knock."

The sudden sound of J's voice and a couple taps on the door pulled you out of your head. Turning to face him, you timidly cross your arms over your chest in a swift attempt to cover the ridiculous garment. "Oh, h-hey. I um, didn't realize you were standing there. Did they get through your segment already?"

J quickly noted your uneasiness through your rigid posture and slightly higher tone. Similar to a child getting caught red-handed doing something either they shouldn't be doing or don't want anyone to see them doing. In this case, it was the latter. Without turning around, he smoothly closes the door and takes a couple slow steps towards you before stopping in his tracks. "Mm, ya missed the best parts. What're you up to in here?" Licking his scars as he nods at you. Though he already knew, he asked anyway.

"My bad, I didn't mean to miss it. I was just trying on some new things I'd bought." You drop your arms down to nervously pick at your fingers. Still trying to shield your chest from his gaze.

"I see that. So what's the deal with the uh, little garment there?" He points to the bra, "looks like you're not liking it too much."

"No, not really. I don't like it at all." You shake your head with an empty laugh.

"Then why're you wearing it?"

"I don't know. Because it.. it makes my boobs look bigger." You let it slip. That wasn't something you intended to say aloud. You're just already irritated and he keeps grilling you with questions you don't want to answer.

He shakes his head at you this time with an exaggerated squint, "it what- I'm sorry? Now I better have heard that wrong doll."

"No, you heard me correctly. Please J, don't make me say it again. I don't want to talk about it. I hate this damned thing enough already and I could do with less reminders." You huff, facing back towards the mirror to continue messing with the article. Hoping that J would let this go, take it as a cue to leave the room so you could remove the thing in peace.

Wishful thinking, because he didn't walk out. Deep down you'd known better but it was worth a shot. J was ever so stubborn, and he made it his notion to stay. Especially when he can sense that something's bothering you.

Coming closer he exhales heavily, "take it off. Better yet- here, let me."

You turn to see him dig into his pant pocket and pull out a switchblade. His gloveless hand clicks the blade open, but there's a slight pause in his advance. He's giving you the chance to decline whether you want him to continue or not. J would never force you, he'd never do anything to you without your consent. Of course, there are moments he could get ahead of himself when he sets his mind to something. But he'd always make sure to ask for your okay before he actually touches you. This was a silent ask.

You drop your arms down at your sides and look up at him with a small nod. Your wordless answer. He closes the space with a single, long stride. You allow him to skillfully slide the knife below the bridge, the blunt side of the metal blade feels warm against your skin. The weapon must've been tucked away very close to his thigh for the heat to transfer that abundantly. With a flick, he expertly slices the material right through the middle. As it opens up to reveal your breasts, he retracts to put the knife away while you awkwardly wiggle out of the bra. Letting it to fall down onto to floor, leaving your arms at your sides.

J's eyes skim your bare chest before landing on your eyes. "Ahh, now there's my pretty little bunny."

Your glance falls to the floor in embarrassment. "Pretty where?"

It was muttered lowly, but that was enough to get J to huff and roll his eyes with frustration. He hastily turns you around so that you're facing the mirror with him standing directly behind you. He's strong and swift in his movements, it's easy for him to maneuver you. Though even in his harsh motions, he can be somewhat gentler when he wants to be. When he needs to be, with you. You're instantly engulfed in his warmth as his arms go to wrap around your torso. Even without the thicker layers of his trench coat, blazer and vest, he's constantly hot. Both of his large hands capture each of your breasts and he draws you against his body. His darkened eyes lock with yours through the mirror.

"Right here." He breathes lowly.

You release a quiet sigh as you try to halt the tears from building behind your eyes. Being quite stubborn yourself, you refuse to cry. Which is extremely difficult with the sight of J's hands on you. Your breasts barely take up any space in his massive palms. It's downright humiliating. You gather the voice to speak. "J.. I-I appreciate that you're trying. I really do. But, this isn't helping me feel any better. I mean, look. I don't even fill up your hands."

"So what?"

"So I'm too small!" You blurt almost immediately. "There, you want me to say it directly? Well there it is! My boobs are too small. I wish they were bigger and looked nicer."

His hands slide down from your chest to rest at your hips. "I don't see anything wrong with 'em."

"Oh come on, you don't have to lie to me J. I know they're small. I feel like I'm just not enough. I wish I had big beautiful breasts. For me, and well- for you."

J listened attentively to your confession, heard how your voice is on the brink of crying. He knew about your insecurities and that you'd get self-conscious about certain things, but he wasn't aware of how bad they could get. You'd been really good at hiding them. When brought up occasionally, they were usually brushed off as nothing. But you could only bottle the emotions up for so long.

He couldn't fully grasp onto why you felt these things. There wasn't anything wrong with you in his eyes and mind. And believe him, because he never has a problem with pointing out the many flaws he finds in other people. Although most of those things were in how those so-called "civilized" people acted and behaved, not so much in how they looked. Other than that, he didn't pay any mind nor did he give a damn. J can make an exception for you because you are the only person he cares about and even he used to know what that feeling was like. He understood that these insecurities ran deep and continued to bother you, so he deemed the least he could do was listen. As for the thought that you felt you needed to look a certain way- or have more of something- for him, well he's going to have to shut that down real quick. He doesn't want you to think or feel that way, ever.

Tongue darting out to lick his red painted lips, he ponders his next words carefully. "Well.. they ah, look nice to me." You scoff unbelievably at his response and he continues, "I'm serious, doll." His grip shifts up to your breasts again, giving them a firm yet tender squeeze as he lowers his head to breathe in your ear. "Gorgeous.. all of you.." His lips brush lightly against your lobe, helping to ease your body and mind along with his low words. "I like what you've got. There's no more or no less of ya that I could want. I know I don't exactly tell ya that a lot. It's only because I figured you already knew."

His tone might've sounded a bit awkward, but you understand he is being sincere. This is not his demeanor but the fact that he's trying means a lot to you. You place your hands over his rough ones, which are still caressing your upper half. Taking a brief moment to marvel them, holding you with the intention of never letting go. His hands are dry and in need of some lotion, his fingernails grown out a bit since the last time he trimmed them, and there's speckles of dried greasepaint on his fingers. These hands are responsible for taking many lives and could end yours just as easily. But instead, they're keeping you together. They're hands you've become all familiar with attached to the man who manages to surprise you with something new every day. A man you wouldn't have any other way.

"Yeah, I know," you sigh, "and I'm sorry for snapping. It's just.. I guess I can't see what you do. I don't get what it is you find so beautiful or desirable about me. I take a long look at myself sometimes, and I don't feel the least bit attractive." You retort back to playing it off with a laugh.

J hums, leisurely shifting your combined weight between each of your legs. He won't fall for nor will he tolerate that front and unacceptable comment about yourself. "Is that so? Well that simply won't do. Looks like I oughta change that-" Suddenly he twirls you around to face him entirely. Pulling you flush against him, he growls, "right now." A grin stretches across his scarred cheeks as you release a fit of giggles. Finally, one of his favorite sounds and a sweet, real smile to accompany.

"Really?" You grab his shoulders to steady your footing, gazing up at him adoringly. Only J can tower over and peer at you with that ceaselessly menacing look in his eyes and still manage to make you feel completely safe and secure. It's not strange. You don't question it anymore. The curiosity of that notion stopped a while ago. Now you bask in the comfort it brings.

"Mhm, come here." He purrs tugging you backwards towards the bed. "I want ya in my lap facing me. You've got all my time today sweets."

Shyly complying, you happily let him guide you to your shared bed to do as he pleased. Which involved lots of appreciative caresses, enamored stares, lingering touches, deep kisses, and affectionate love bites. He made sure to give special attention to your breasts. Worshipping them with any and every type of touch he could provide. Those touches only got more firmer- rougher- as time progressed. When it came to intimacy, J couldn’t stay lenient for a long period of time, it wasn’t in his manner. Nonetheless, you appreciated all of his affections the same. Not a lot was said and there really didn't have to be. He'd gotten his point across to you.

J was always a man of action, he spoke more truth with his body than with words. It's in the way he'd touch and look at you which spoke so much. Occasionally, he chose to indulge you with words. Though it was never anything remotely gushy and touchy-feely like- expressing any profound feelings or direct proclamations of love- as that wasn't him. However you understood him through what ever language he chose to communicate to you with. Through those elaborate languages could you find the confessions he didn't speak aloud. You'd understand, for they were there only for you.

This was supposed to be a drabble, oops. I don't know what happened😅

[lloydskywalkers]

chrysanthemum

1/2 of the fics i wrote for the 10th anniversary zine!! if you haven’t checked it out yet please do @ninjaneverquit-zine , everyone worked so hard and did such a wonderful job, i’m beyond honored to have been included <3

I may not have been in the fandom since the start, but ninjago means the world to me - it’s gotten me through some of the worst times and pushed further in writing than i thought i’d go, and the fandom’s been a particularly bright light in my life since i’ve joined 💕and of course i can’t not celebrate that by writing for the light of my life lloyd garmadon, so here’s me crying over the garmadons anniversary-style :’D

Garmadon’s son has only been on the earth for twenty-four hours, and he’s only been Lloyd for nineteen, but he already finds himself terrified of the tiny, living thing he cradles in his arms.

“He’s so small,” he tells Misako, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Is he supposed to be this small?”

Misako, who’s been answering questions similar to this for the better part of the morning, rolls her eyes. “He’s fine, Garmadon. He was born a little early, that’s all.”

Not as reassured as he should be, Garmadon returns his gaze to his son. He’s sleeping now, deathly still in his arms, and he resists the urge to wave a hand over his tiny face, if only to feel the small puffs of breath he knows must be there. He brushes a wisp of hair from his head instead, marveling at how pale it is.

“He’s got my father’s hair,” he murmurs.

“I don’t care, Garmadon, we’re still not naming him after the man.”

It’s Garmadon’s turn to roll his eyes. “I never said that. I said Montgomery was an unacceptable name to burden my son with.”

“Oh, your son.”

He misses the rest of her retort as Lloyd fidgets briefly, tiny features screwing up as he shifts. A flash of lightning from outside brightens the room, and Garmadon pulls Lloyd closer reflexively. The thunder crack follows soon after, and Garmadon flinches, the thick smell of rain filtering through the open windows. He can already see thick droplets sliding down the hydrangeas Misako’s growing in the windowsill, drowning the pale flowers. It’s been pouring all week, typhoons hitting the coast with gusto as they always do this time of year. Garmadon doesn’t like it — his son is much more suited for the sun and all its brightness, not the grey-skied downpour of thunderclouds.

Lloyd hardly reacts to the downpour, having gone still and silent in his arms once again. Garmadon’s heartbeat quickens. He shouldn’t sleep this much, should he? He doesn’t remember Wu being like that, but he was so young when Wu was born, and it was so long ago, and he can’t feel for Lloyd’s breathing now because the breeze pouring through the window’s too strong, and—

A soft hand sets on his shoulder. “Here,” Misako sighs, guiding Garmadon’s hand to rest gently over Lloyd’s chest. “Feel. That’s a heart, going strong.”

Despite his hesitance, a deep-rooted part of him still desperately afraid his touch might hurt something so small, Garmadon does so. Lloyd’s heartbeat is rapid and as fragile as a bird’s wing, but undeniably there. A small, living thing.

Something warm curls in his chest, and Garmadon thinks he might understand his father’s delight in creation — in things that live.

Not, of course, that his father has ever created anything so perfect as Lloyd, but Garmadon can credit him for having tried.

* * *

It’s weird, having a dad.

Not the concept of having a dad — Lloyd’s bragged enough about being the son of Lord Garmadon to at least get that part. But actually having him here, a living, breathing person who looks at Lloyd and cares—

It’s weird, that’s all. Not that it’s a bad weird.

“You need to wrap your hands, before you go hitting things like that,” Garmadon scolds gently, twisting gauze around Lloyd’s bruised, swollen fingers. “The others can show you how, for training. They should have shown you earlier.”

Lloyd bites his lip. He doesn’t tell his dad that the bruises are less from training, and more from pointlessly banging on bars in an attempt to get on Pythor’s nerves. It sounds silly, compared to the way his dad swept in like a big hero and took out all the snakes in single swipes.

A big hero. Lloyd wonders if the others will ever see him that way, too.

His hand twinges as the gauze pulls tight, and Lloyd sucks in a sharp breath. Garmadon flinches, drawing his hands back.

“I’m sorry,” he says, quickly. “I keep forgetting — you’re so small.”

Lloyd makes a face at that. Small? “I’m not that short,” he grumbles. “I’ve grown lots.”

“Of course you have,” Garmadon amends. “I only—”

His expression twists, and Lloyd’s stomach drops. There’s that look again.

“I’m sorry,” Garmadon repeats, sounding downtrodden.

Lloyd purses his lips. For all his bragging, he’s never really thought much about whether he likes his family or not. It’s hard, when you don’t have one around to like. Watching the way his dad worries and his uncle walks around all stone-faced now, Lloyd’s not sure he should like it. He likes Uncle Wu, of course, and he loves his dad, but—

He hates the way they all walk around like they’re preparing for a funeral. His dad’s funeral, his funeral, whichever it ends up being. It’s stupid. Lloyd’s lived on the streets for months, and in Darkley’s even longer. He wouldn’t have minded walking around like he’s doomed for misery then.

But now? When he’s got people who care, and a family?

Lloyd sets his mouth stubbornly. He doesn’t know much about destiny, or the prophecy, but he knows he’s not about to lose this. Not when he’s come so far, when he’s so close to having — to being someone worth having around.

No funerals, Lloyd promises himself. He can see this prophecy through — they both can, the two of them. You have to be alive to be a family, right?

“It’s okay,” he finally replies. “I’m alright, dad.”

And he’s gonna stay that way.

* * *

When Garmadon had thought about the final battle in the past, he’d expected the darkness. The destruction, the pain.

He hadn’t expected to survive.

“So you’re really giving up fighting, then?”

Glancing up at Lloyd, taller now yet still small enough to not quite fit his bright golden gi, Garmadon finds survival a very welcome surprise.

“Yes,” he says, returning his gaze to the flowerbeds Misako’s helped him put in the monastery garden. They’re coming along well, despite the recent fits of bad weather, and they do a fine job of making the monastery look homey. Unthreatening.

He hopes, at least.

“I think I’ve done enough fighting, for my part,” he continues. He gives Lloyd a wry look. “I’m not sure Ninjago could take much more of it from me, anyways.”

“I dunno,” Lloyd says. “It’s been getting pretty boring.”

Garmadon snorts. “Boring is something you should appreciate, son. Excitement isn’t always good.”

“No, but it isn’t bor—dull,” Lloyd mutters, crouching down to study the flowerbeds. Garmadon shakes his head in reply, sighing. He remembers being his son’s age once, yearning for the next thrill, even if it feels ages away now.

He’s got a whole lecture on appreciating the quiet moments on the tip of his tongue, too, when Lloyd speaks up again.

“We used to have these flowers at Darkley’s,” he says, tilting his head as he studies them. “Some of the boys tore them all up and threw ‘em at the window, but they were pretty before that."

Garmadon bites the inside of his cheek, his eyebrows furrowing. His expression softens as he spots the gentle way Lloyd handles the flower, carefully pushing it back to place. It never fails to baffle him how someone as gentle as Lloyd could’ve come from his beginnings, much less from Garmadon, but he treasures it.

“Snapdragons,” Garmadon says, instead. “Fitting flowers, for our family.”

Lloyd looks at him curiously, eyes bright with the light of suspicion, and Garmadon is tempted to tell him the full truth, then and there. But Lloyd is still so young, innocent and naive and barely come to terms with his place as the Green Ninja. The truth of their blood is a heavy one, and Garmadon can’t find it in himself to lay it on Lloyd’s shoulders today. No, his son is happy among humans, so a human he’ll let him be. Someday he’ll know he’s more, closer to the dragons he admires than he realizes, but not quite yet.

Miraculously, Garmadon has the time, now.

“If you stay after dinner, I can show you how they’re planted,” he offers. Lloyd nods, and Garmadon’s smile widens.

Destruction is in his blood, and he’d be blind to say it isn’t in Lloyd’s as well. Power is power, whether it’s bright and beautiful or stained in darkness, and Lloyd could shatter mountains as well as move them, if he wanted.

But Lloyd never moves to pull the flowers up, only watches them rustle slightly in the breeze, leaving them to grow a little bigger, a little brighter. Garmadon, for his part, watches his son, all bright eyes and the burnished gold hair of his grandfather, and reminds himself that one needs not be a master of creation to appreciate life.

* * *

Lloyd likes to think of himself as an optimist, for the most part. He’s at least good at pretending that he is one, with how many times he’s had to convince himself it’s worth it to get back up.

Right now, he’s trying to remember how he’s ever managed to convince himself, because this time, getting back up seems impossible.

Lloyd used to wonder, back during Morro, how far you had to push yourself to break like that. How far someone had to push you, to truly splinter. He thinks he might have found his answer, though his is less of a bitter hatred and more of an empty abyss of hurt.

It hurts to breathe. That would be a sign that something’s wrong, if Lloyd didn’t already have about sixty other signs that he’s in trouble. But the breathing thing is sticking out to him especially, right now. His lungs feel like they’re scraping against his ribs every time he tries to draw breath, bruised and stinging, and there’s a deep ache in his chest that grows worse by the minute.

He tries swallowing again, sand scraping down his throat as he does. He hisses out a breath instead of coughing, almost frightened that his lungs will give out completely if he does.

He says almost, because Lloyd isn’t sure what emotions he’s got left to feel anymore.

A lie. Pain starts numb, sometimes.

Lloyd’s chest spasms as he sucks in another breath, and he wishes the desert would swallow him whole. His father — his real father, who pushed him from the Cursed Realm and told him to return to light and living — would want him to stand back up. He’d beg him to, stress the importance of continuing on, of persevering. Stuff like that.

But if it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t have to get back up in the first place. If it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t be—

His eyes burn, stinging as he squeezes them tightly shut, and he tells himself it’s the sand.

Instead, he focuses on the ragged beat of his heart. He only knows it’s there because his chest throbs in pain with every pulse, but he latches onto the feeling and holds tight.

Still alive, he tells himself, even as every bit of him sings in agony and his lungs scream at him to stop. He’s still alive. His powers aren’t answering him but they will, he knows they will, he can’t disappear like he did with Morro. He can’t — he can’t leave it, not like this, not with his father — not like this. If he can’t stop Harumi, if he can’t save his father, if he can’t do anything else at all, he can at least do this.

Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive.

He’s never realized how long the nights out here are, before.

* * *

After everything, the light dies down and the Oni vanish, and Lloyd’s heart stops.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to Garmadon, who isn’t even sure his own heart beats now, but it is.

It’s not supposed to stop. There was a promise made, somewhere, to keep it beating.

It restarts before he has the chance to process what that even means, and the swell of relief is so foreign, Garmadon leaves before he even has the chance to ask Lloyd what he’d seen. He thinks to himself, that will be the end of it. The end of whatever tentative connection he has with the boy, whatever frayed and tattered threads of something they once had. Better to cut them away for good.

Lloyd’s not one to let things die, though. Garmadon should know that at least, the boy tells him.

“I know you like repeating yourself,” he mutters. “Letting go is different.”

“That’s not what this is,” Lloyd huffs back.

Garmadon rolls his eyes, the two of them drifting aimlessly down the Ninjago City garden paths. It’s secluded, the rest of the city still recovering, and Garmadon’s grateful for the quiet, even if it is awkward. Building any kind of bridge with the boy is difficult, if only because Lloyd stresses that they’re rebuilding a bridge, and Garmadon has no memory of any bridge to begin with.

He’s still sifting through jumbled emotions, sorting out what his place in this world was and is supposed to be, but he knows that the word son slips easier from his mouth than daughter ever did, so he figures he’s on the right path, at least.

“It’s about—” Lloyd pauses, his expression contorting. “It’s about surviving, I guess,” he grinds out.

Garmadon’s mouth curls into a grin. “Really. You were quite…vocal, that it was about more than that.”

“It is, it’s just—” Lloyd cuts off again, stopping them in a half-ruined section of garden still littered with remnants of concrete. “It’s the payoff, you know? Here.”

He bends down, brushing dust from a surviving scattering of flowers. He gently touches the edge of a petal, pushing the flower head toward the sun. “See?” he says. “After all that, it’s still alive.”

Garmadon stares at the delicate edges of the petal, smaller and more fragile than any of the buildings that crumbled beneath his rule. At Lloyd’s nod, he stretches his own fingers out toward it, his hand impossibly dark and calloused next to his son’s own small one. But he brushes his fingers over the petal edge nonetheless, almost surprised that it doesn’t decay beneath his touch. It’s soft, he notes, like the fragile skin of a newborn. Odd that it should’ve survived, out of everything else that perished.

“So it is,” he says, carefully. Lloyd says nothing, but there’s a ghost of a smile around his lips. They must make an odd sight, the pair of them crouched in the dirt in the recovering garden. There’s no use in sitting here and looking at the flower, no explanation Garmadon can offer himself, but he doesn’t leave. He can take the moment, he decides, to appreciate what Lloyd is trying to show him.

They too, after all, are still alive.