#i like the angle when its done right sue me. I like the land of contrasts and dumb 2011 humor and whimsy

[mummer]

the thing that makes amy Work as a character to me is that her story is really absurdly horrific from the outset. the doctor makes one mistake completely unthinking and suddenly this little girl’s entire life is defined and lashed to him. it sort of justifies the turn into “doctor as trickster god” that eleven gets because he really does have that much power over people right. And it’s not his fault and he feels guilty but he’s trapped this woman in his orbit and she gets her memories zapped 600 billion times has schrodingers cat parents husband erased from existence gets turned into a flesh monster forced to give birth gets her baby stolen grows up in a haunted house with an evil alien lives a bunch of alternate parallel lives that never happened it’s so uncanny and wretched and strange and is just sort of left to sit it’s not addressed And she loves him fixates on him lives for him resurrects him. he sort of created her right and she created him. he STOLE her CHILDHOOD!!!!!! he stole this girl without even thinking about it. you can see it on his face sometimes when he talks to her but only sometimes.

[goldrushzukka]

1, 2, 7, 8, 9. (Sorry, i know that's like...all of them)

1. what themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

i love writing coming out storylines. it’s not really that they’re uncommon, i just find a lot of catharsis in them. 

2. what are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? what would you avoid writing about?

i tend to avoid writing sibling dynamics bc i’m an only child and therefore not really. qualified. i love reading it though!! 

7. favourite description in your WIP?

it was really hard to pick one so i have a few answers for this bc i love to talk about myself so. (under the cut bc JESUS this got long but spoilers for and i’ll do anything you say (read it here!) ahead!!!)

- from chapter 2:

Sokka looks at him, a fantasy come to life, and takes off his stupid sweatpants.

He throws them at Zuko’s head, and earns himself a short burst of that real laugh, shocked and unguarded.

“You asshole,” Zuko says. He sits up and grabs Sokka’s hand, pulling him down on top of him. Something comes alive under Sokka’s skin where Zuko’s fingers graze his wrist. He calls it lust and ignores the fact that it feels nothing like it.

Zuko kisses him, his mouth still in the shape of laughter, and the alive thing screams for his attention. Sokka buries it and hopes it won’t deafen him before they’re done.

im very fond of this whole chapter (i think it’s probably my favourite? it was definitely the easiest to write) but i really love looking back on this part particularly now that we’re in the angsty part of the story bc this is where it all started. yes technically it started in chapter 1 but this is when sokka starts to fall for zuko. this is the beginning of all those pesky non-casual feelings that he’s going to pretend don’t exist until someone else calls him out on them.

- also from chapter 2:

He’s forty-five minutes late already, and when he knocks, a woman made of pursed lips and sharp angles answers the door. She looks elegant and expensive the same way a skyscraper does. Or a cache of medieval weaponry.

“Oh,” Sokka says, digging into his pocket to find the map on his phone. “I must have the wrong place, sorry -”

She looks him up and down, her eyes narrowed in a way that feels violent and practiced, and her smirk turns distasteful. Sokka risks a glance down at himself, at his torn up jeans - not distressed, just torn - and the Madonna t-shirt he’s pretty sure actually belongs to Katara, and thinks she might have a point. The bag in his hand feels heavier when her eyes land on it.

“Zuzu,” the woman calls into the apartment, “your dinner’s here.”

“I didn’t order -” Zuko appears in the doorway, bitter frustration in his expression as he looks at the woman.

His eyes fall on Sokka, though, and his face clears into a light-pollution smile.

this is technically two so i will start with: i love azula. i haven’t found any room to bring her back yet but believe me i am LOOKING. she’s hot and mean and gay and i LOVE HER. oh also insider scoop but suki’s date from earlier in this chapter.......WAS azula. they probably won’t see each other again because once azula met sokka and connected his face to the Best Friends Forever picture frame on suki’s desk she stopped answering the phone.

pt 2: i’ve had a couple of comments mention the “light-pollution smile” line specifically and i am always so happy to read them bc yeah. YEAH. i’ll admit it. that line HITS. 

- from chapter 4:

He sets his phone down - only, he doesn’t. He misses the table by a mile, and in his scramble to catch his phone before it breaks on the hardwood floor and wakes Momo on the cushion beside him, his hand finds the lip of his cereal bowl, and then that’s falling, too. He manages to catch the phone, but something in his head gets lost in translation on its way down his arms, and he ends up with a boxers-only lap full of soggy Cheerios.

Momo gets a splash of milk on his back and hisses at Zuko for his crimes, and somehow that’s the worst part of it.

haley @fruitysokka said that this passage reads like an action movie and i think about it all the time. (thank u haley i love u)

- lastly this extended metaphor from chapter 6:

The soup is good, once the heat of it clears him up enough to taste it. It’s thick and warm and there’s enough pepper that Sokka gets a kick from it even in his condition. He feels it all the way down his throat and into his stomach, where it mixes with the prickly nervousness he’s feeling from Zuko’s attention.

He sets the bowl down on the table and asks, eyes stuck on his hands in Momo’s fur where he’s climbed into his lap, “How was the date?”

“It was good, actually,” Zuko says. “Jet seems like a nice guy. He’s very - uh - passionate, I guess you could call it? He’s a climate and human rights activist.”

The spines of Sokka’s nervousness turn to daggers.

...

“I said yes. We’re getting lunch on Sunday.”

The daggers are swords now, and Sokka’s heart sinks down, down, down, right to the hilt.

...

“I’ll text you when I’m home,” Zuko promises, and Sokka’s heart skewers itself on a second sword.

Zuko’s smile when Sokka says, “Thank you for the soup,” is a third.

The door closing behind him is a fourth.

The silence as Sokka shuffles back to bed is every single one that remains.

something something canon swordsmen something pride comes before the fall something chivalry fell on his sword from eden by hozier. you guys get it i dont have to explain myself

8. favourite dialogue in your WIP?

ok so i cant share my actual favourite dialogue bc it's a spoiler for chapter 8 and i technically haven't written it yet (it's in my brain just.....plaguing me) but it's GOOD i SWEAR so. once again i have more than one answer bc actually? i love this fic and im proud of it. deal with it.

- from chapter 1:

“Hey, stranger,” Sokka says, still watching him in the mirror. The corner of Zuko’s mouth ticks up.

“You’re not following me, are you?” Zuko’s tone is seductive, endlessly so, and Sokka wonders while he dries his hands if he has to put it on or if he just sounds like that.

“You give a guy one compliment and he thinks you’re stalking him,” Sokka mutters, and Zuko laughs, low and enticing. Not the genuine, endearing laugh of this morning, but one with an agenda.

Well. Sokka always likes a plan.

“Are you following me? ” Sokka asks. He spies a miraculous dry patch on the sink bank and tries to be casual about the way he hops up to sit on it.

“I might be,” Zuko says, and at Sokka’s raised eyebrow, he continues, “I saw you at the bar and I wanted to talk to you. Sue me.”

“You wanted to talk.”

“Amongst other things.”

as a chronically awkward person i am INSANELY proud of the flirting in this fic. no idea if it would work in a real life situation. excited to never find out bc im not about to use lines from my fanfiction on real women. 

- from chapter 2

“You must be Suki,” Zuko says. He meets her gaze, and his fingers go still under Momo’s chin.

“And you’re Zuko,” Suki replies, her smile all different shades of intimidating. “I’d shake your hand, but I know where it’s just been.”

i wrote this entire scene just so i could have suki say this. im not even joking. suki is my favourite part of this entire fic and its not even ABOUT her.

- from chapter 3:

When Sokka crosses the room and slips under the covers beside him, Zuko says, “I can leave, if you want. I can go home.”

...

He asks, still barely hovering over Zuko, “What if I don’t want that?”

Zuko swallows. “I can stay.”

“So stay,” Sokka says, and lays his head down on Zuko’s chest.

i just think it’s sweet. i like it a lot. makes my heart hurt a little when i think about it. 

- from chapter 4:

[Suki // 15:13] there is a LOT of chmpagrjn

[Suki // 15:13] cahpmhagne

[Suki // 15:13] chsanpghn

[Suki // 15:14] alcohol :)

once again: suki is the best part of this whole fic. i love her so much. she is the reason the word bestie exists. im really proud of the texting in this fic bc it’s my first time actually including it in fic and it’s turned out really well!!

- ok last one bc i just realised this is turning into a novel. from chapter 4:

“How’s my baby?”

Zuko glances down at Momo, batting at the untied laces of his shoes with one determined paw. “He’s doing just fine.”

“And how’s Momo?”

“He’s - what?”

are there better written, more narratively important and emotive lines in this fic? yes. is this the best part of the entire thing? also yes. i invented the jin/yue wedding because i needed a reason for zuko to have a key in what became chapter 6, but sometimes i think the entire fic exists just for this exchange. best dialogue i have ever written.

9. what scene was the hardest for you to write and why?

the start of chapter 6 of aidays was difficult. i kept wanting to skip ahead to the meaty parts - i.e, zuko and his soup - but i didn’t want to do sokka a disservice like that. it was also really hard to maintain the balance of accurately describing the delirium of illness while still being coherent for the reader? so that took me a couple of days to get right.

[cyb-by-lang]

Leaning On Each Other (Remix)

This is a while later than I expected to get it finished, but here is @writer-and-artist27‘s birthday gift. She asked for a Kei-style take on this minific she wrote a while ago, so I did a full remix.

Apologies for making it a remix instead of the requested Kei's POV of this exact scene.

“I’m telling you, the difference is all in the wrist,” Kei said, holding out a kunai as though it was a katana. She spun it between her fingers as soon as her demonstration was over. “I mean, imagine this about four times as long in the handle and with ten times as much blade, but the point still stands.” 

“You’d have to get me a bokken and show me directly if you want that to make sense,” said Obito, shaking his head slightly. “Rin?” 

Rin shrugged, though her eyes didn’t quite leave the blade. “The blades I deal with are even shorter. I don’t really use them to stab people outside of a medical context. If you’re stabbing someone with a scalpel, something’s gone wrong,” Rin said, even as Kei made the kunai disappear into the holster on her thigh. 

“Like in the flying clipboard story?” Obito asked. 

“I still don’t know the actual story behind that,” Kei said.

Rin nodded along, but only smiled mysteriously when both of her friends in this conversation turned interrogative stares her way. “It’s funnier if I don’t tell you.” 

On the opposite side of the couch, Kakashi made an agreeing noise, then flipped to the next page in his book. Kei didn’t know for sure what he was reading, other than noticing earlier that the cover art was entirely in grayscale and looked kind of gloomy. If Kei had been the one reading, she probably wouldn’t have paid enough attention to the conversation to know where she was supposed to make obligatory listening sounds. 

Tomoko emerged from the kitchen at this point, flopping down on the couch between Kei and Obito. Kei raised a hand to keep her head from hitting the wall, and the three of them shuffled around a bit to accommodate her. 

“So, done working for now?” Kei asked, silently making sure that all of her weapons were stowed. Sure, she’d left her sword at home, but no shinobi was ever fully unarmed. It was a truth universally acknowledged that a kunai somewhere unfortunate would ruin anyone’s day. 

“You know me,” Tomoko replied, not noticing the shinobi weapons-check or not saying so. She leaned against Kei’s shoulder without hesitation. “Just for now.” 

“That’s what you always say,” Obito said, leaning forward over his knees to get a better look at their faces. “You should’ve let us help.” 

“There was batter on the ceiling last time, wasn’t there?” Rin asked. She’d only heard this story second-hand and the details changed in the telling because no one wanted to admit they’d been the one to start shit. 

“That was Kakashi’s fault,” Obito said instantly. “And we were at Kei’s house, so we only got banned there, so it doesn’t count!” 

“Getting banned from any kitchen still disqualifies you from going into a professional one, I think.” 

“Focus, team,” Kakashi said, but mostly sounded like it was a wordier version of the iconic Uchiha “hn.” He certainly didn’t put any force behind the order. 

“Okay, okay.” Kei nudged Tomoko with her elbow. “So, what’s up? Besides a clear need for a nap.”

“Nothing but the ceiling,” Tomoko replied.

“No, really?” Kei drawled automatically. “Would’ve never guessed. Congrats on your first well-timed pun, though.” 

Tomoko pouted. “It got your attention, even if it’s a horrible one. So I’ll try to be punny more often.”

“Tomo-chan!” Obito said, shaking his head. 

“I don’t regret it. Fight me.”

Kei considered her options carefully. A bad pun used in verbal combat came with a number of acceptable responses, but Tomoko wasn’t Hayate—who Kei would have already shoved off the couch by this point. Possibly backflipped him over the top of it, trusting his combat training to handle the landing. Tomoko needed more delicate handling. 

Therefore, Kei said, “Obito wouldn’t fight you if you paid him, puns or otherwise.” 

“It was a joke!” Tomoko protested, half-sunk into a combination of Kei’s jacket and the plush back of the couch. Her voice was a little muffled and pouty as a result. 

And Kei occasionally pretended she didn’t know about those conversational ripostes solely to exasperate Tomoko. She wasn’t sure Tomoko had caught on yet. 

From cross the table, Rin leaned forward and said, “You need to work on your delivery, Tomo. That landed pretty flat.”

“And the Earth is round and rotating on a crooked axis, sue me,” Tomoko said childishly in return, refusing to raise her head from her new resting spot. “I’m trying and I don’t wanna move.”

“It’s almost like overworking has totally foreseeable consequences,” Kei mused, her voice lilting to take the sting out of her words. 

Tomoko paused, thinking on it for a second. “…Would you have me any other way?”

The answer was immediate. “Nope.”

“Good.” A smile replaced the pout. Tomoko’s habit of puffing her cheeks out to pout mostly made Kei want to poke her. “What’s up with you?”

“Not much.” Kei shrugged as best she could with Tomoko’s head on her shoulder. “To make a long story short, Kakashi doesn’t want to give input on my totally half-assed kenjutsu lesson. Obito and Rin are being good friends and pretending they know what the hell I’m talking about.”

There was a crinkle signaling the turning of a page as Kakashi went back to reading.

“Okay, just for that? Rin and I are going to talk about things that aren’t swords,” Obito said with a comically exaggerated huff. “See how you like it.” 

Kei rolled her eyes. “Oh no. Traitors, et cetera.”  

Rin’s smile was helplessly fond. “All right, all right. No more sniping until we get you both on a practice range.” She turned her head. “So, Obito, did I tell you what happened when Akihito-shishō caught the nurses smuggling candy—” 

Rin’s tempting gossip drew Obito’s attention wholly, which was a good indicator that everyone was indeed done with the sword story. 

Tomoko turned her head so that her face was finally angled up toward Kei’s. “You know I was asking about you, health-wise?”

There were times when it seemed as though Tomoko did little else. The life of a ninja was like riding a rollercoaster with a rickety, rusted track that didn’t deserve to have so many twists and turns. Especially for how unreliable it was. Their lifestyle was a major risk to life and limb. 

Kei didn’t say any of that. Instead: “Yeah, I know.”

Tomoko thumped her head against Kei’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world, y’know.” 

“I know,” Kei said by rote. Reincarnation time buddies! Who hopefully weren’t going to destroy the universe by accidentally turning something into a paradox. 

Another bonk. “Nagareboshi Café will always be open for you, y’know.”

“I know, Tomo.” Mostly because Kei had enough people in her life that she’d never forget it now. Being able to find half her social group there on a given day made the place a landmark, even if it wasn’t also a homey spot on its own.  

Sounding a little strangled now, Tomoko added after a short pause, “So then, Kei?”

“Hm?”

“Whenever you need help, whenever you’re down, you can call me up, y’know. I don’t know how well I can fix things, but I’ll try. I’ll always try.” 

Kei sighed. It was half from fond exasperation, but half from genuine frustration. There was always a part of her that utterly rejected the idea of pushing any of her emotional burdens onto Tomoko. Kei had volunteered practically from the start to chase whatever means of gaining power she could, all so she could make sure her precious people were safe. That was not the choice Tomoko had made. She’d never needed to, and Kei almost needed her to stay out of the blast radius. 

“Tomo, you know I’m not good at asking for—” 

Bonk. 

Kei went silent, raising an eyebrow in a silent question as Tomoko stared back. 

“Just listen, okay?” Tomoko rarely demanded direct, sincere statements toward Kei, who was equipped with a bone-deep inclination to deflect and dismiss what she viewed as excessive verbal reassurance. “No matter what happens, no matter what you end up doing, I’ll stay with you. To the end of our days.”

Kei bit down on the urge to interrupt. 

“I care about you, y’know. So when you need it, let me help you like you help me. Just get that memorized.”

Kei sighed again, reaching up to pat Tomoko’s head. “I’ll remember that.” 

When she could. It wouldn’t be as easy as Tomoko made it sound, but perhaps it could be, eventually. 

And that was when Obito bounced onto the couch hard enough to make Tomoko briefly airborne. She landed with a surprised “eep” with her weight still mostly on Kei’s side, but turned to face Obito. 

“Obi?” Tomoko said, startled.

“Nice of you to drop in,” Kei said over Tomoko’s head. It was so much easier to downplay any surprises when she could track everyone’s location within the room. Also, she’d seen Obito move out of the corner of her eye because he definitely wasn’t being stealthy. 

“Your conversation looked like it needed crashing,” Obito said lightly. “It looked heavy even from where I was standing.” He tilted his head to one side, tucking his legs underneath him. “Tomo, is Kei influencing you? Are you gonna start all your conversations with puns now? Please say no.” 

“It was my first try, Obi,” Tomoko soothed, reaching over with her right hand to rest against the side of his scalp. “I can try a different joke.”

Kei shifted her weight so that Tomoko ended up leaning more Obito’s way. 

“I don’t know, I think the debut worked,” Rin said, settling back in at her spot. Whatever she and Obito had talked about must’ve scared him back into this conversation. She added to Tomoko specifically, “Just maybe relax a little and let them come naturally.” 

“Wordplay and swordplay are both about timing,” Kei offered, “so I could probably help.” 

“I can see you being a bad influence, you know,” Obito said. “Even if you’re trying to be all underhanded about it.” 

“You’re shinobi,” Tomoko said, “Everything’s sneaky and underhanded! I could’ve sworn bad puns are how eye roll considering the family-friend thing.”

Obito groaned, defeated.  “Kei, you had one job!”

“If she’s not making improvised bombs in her bedroom, I’m still coming out ahead,” Kei told him. “And she’s not. I think?” 

“I’m not!” Tomoko said, half-frantic at the turn. “Just baked goods, like usual!” 

“Oh, if that’s the breaking point,” Obito grumbled.

Tomoko frowned thoughtfully. She rested her hand against the side of Obito’s face in apology, then said, “I’ll hold off on the puns and you can have a batch of cupcakes later. Will that be better?” 

This time, there was a hum of approval. Obito closed his eyes and leaned into Tomoko’s hand like a cat, mollified for now. 

That’d probably last until the next time one of Kei’s friends opened their mouths. Peace reigned until the next half-joking argument in the life of Team Minato. And most of their associates.

“Can I join in?” Rin said, though she was already cramming herself into the space on Kei’s other side with a medical textbook in her lap. Kei didn’t bother wondering where she’d gotten it from; at some point, pulling a “nothing up my sleeve” routine felt like it was expected. “This looks like fun.”

“There’s cookies near the stove if you want to grab those first, Ricchan,” Tomoko said. Her chakra felt floaty with contentment. “Just to help with the studying you have there. The cookies are sugar and snickerdoodle.”

Rin’s smile widened. “Maybe later?” She still absently opened the front cover of her book, glancing at it before leaning against Kei’s other shoulder. “This feels nice right now.”

“Just make yourself at home, I guess,” Kei said with a toss of her head, settling farther down in the couch cushions. She shuffled to handle both hers and Rin’s weights before considering. “What about you, Kakashi?”

“Hn.” He instead disappeared briefly into the kitchen, out of easy spotting range thanks to the movement limitations of the human neck. “There’s not enough space for five people on that couch. There really wasn’t for four, but apparently we’re stacking like apartment blocks,” he judged when he returned, but he settled at the group’s feet and set the plate on the table in front of them all. “I brought the cookies.”

At this point, Tomoko started humming. 

Rin reached forward and retrieved her cookies, passing out others at random. Kakashi demurred, returning his attention to his book, and wrinkling his nose at the thought of eating such sweet things of his free will. He was content just basking in his friends’ company. 

“Just eat and relax?” Tomoko offered, passing a cookie from Rin to Obito. “We don’t have anything going on today, so let’s pass the time like this.”

Kei leaned her head back against the top of the couch, listening with half an ear to the world around her. With sight out of the way, she could focus on her friends’ contentment through her chakra sense and live in the moment. 

Tomoko’s voice rose over the impromptu cookie party: 

“Dream of anything; 

I’ll make it all come true.

Everything you need 

Is all I have for you. 

I’m forever 

Always by your side. 

Whenever you need a friend, 

I’m never far behind.” 

Obito shifted and the couch dipped under his weight. Felt like he was reaching for his next dose of sugar already. The plate scraped across the table. “Could you sing that a bit louder, Tomo-chan? I want to hear.”

“Eh?” A sudden wave of shyness swept through Tomoko. “You sure?”

“We’ve all heard you sing before, Tomo,” said Kei, keeping her eyes shut. “No pressure.” 

Rin’s sun-on-water chakra perked up along with her voice as she said, “You were the one to say we should relax, right?”

There was a brief back-and-forth between the boys—banter so played-out it was almost entirely fond. Amusement passed through each of them like an electric current. 

Tomoko’s voice rose again. 

“If the stars all fall,

When there’s no more light, 

And the moon should crumble, 

It will be alright.”

Being here, with these precious people, would tide Kei over through their next absence. With the life she and her friends lived, that separation was inevitable. There was always something else coming down the pipeline and eventually disturbing their peace, but that was the future. 

This was now. 

“Don’t you worry about the dark,

I will light up the night with the love in my heart.

I will burn like the sun,

I will keep you safe and warm.

Like the smell of a rose on a summer’s day,

I will be there to take all your fears away.

With a touch of my hand,

I will turn your life to gold.”

Kei seared the moment into her memory, to keep it like a light against the darkness still to come.

[punkascas]

Fic Author Interview

tagged by: the wonderfully talented and incredibly sweet @amirosebooks  ❤

tagging: @iggyw @tenoko1 @casolantern @schmerzerling @amazinmango @serricoj @rainbofiction @coffeeandcas @topaz-eyes @angelofthemoor @culumacilinte @coplins

im going to do this from the slightly broader perspective of creative writing in general (since i write fic but i also write scripts and things for my job). also this is v long. sorry.

What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself…? It could even be an experience.) so generally my inspiration is (in order): (a) my own life experiences, (b) some kind of commentary i want to make about the source material or about fiction or fandom in general, and (c) the characters themselves and the aspects i love in them, especially trying to find ways to play with the duality of their personalities, the good aspects and the negative ones.  i’ve known for a long time that what drives me to create is that i want to make other people feel less alone. you know those times to read something or there’s a line someone says, and you’re like, yes, yes, that’s me; no one’s ever gotten that before or at least never put it so perfectly into words, whatever that experience/feeling might be. i want to give people that moment with anything i create. there’s also a lot of things that i’ve experienced in my life that come up relatively often in fiction, or at least in fic, and a lot of it usually is off-putting to me. it never resonates. it’s melodramatic or simply inaccurate, and i think is often written by someone who doesn’t have the lived experience to pull from. so i always want to add my voice to the pile and benefit from my own experiences to make those kinds of tropes and situations more realistic and relatable -- to me, but hopefully also to others.  like generally every character backstory or character arc i write in fic is something pulled from my own life. like it’s probably twisted or adapted somewhat, because i’m not into being autobiographical. but as an example, in faith healer, this bit: Memory degrades with time. Maybe as a child he knew that somehow. He knew that there would be a second, slower death across time, as she became more of idea than person, and so he clung onto specific moments as a talisman for Mom: I had a mom once; this was my mommy. He remembers her hands best. The way her skin was thin and dry, but her fingers strong, and the way they'd close around his hands. The way she would press in love and good luck and humility when he misbehaved with a squeeze to his chubby, too small hands. Second best he remembers her laugh, the way her mouth moved around a smile, the warmth in it, tinged with embarrassment whenever someone startled it out from her. The rest of the memories are vague, more like facts he can read out of a mental police blotter than lived experience. She used to wear some kind of fleece robe in the winter, thick and pilled, creating a soft cushion between her breasts for his head to rest when he sat in her lap for a story. He thinks the robe was red. She used to bake things from scratch and used to let him pretend to help. On Sundays she did laundry, down in the basement. He followed her once, asking when Dad would come back, and she paused on the landing, basket of clothes cocked on her hip, and wouldn't go any further until he went back upstairs. The basement, she said, was too dangerous for him, dark and damp. She wanted him to be safe. She always cut the crust off his sandwiches. that is my experience of my grandmother’s death. when she died i knew i would forget over time the specific details of her, so i picked a couple to remind myself of daily so i’d never forget them. and that was her hands and her laugh. and i do have that memory of her doing the laundry and standing on the landing to the basement asking her where my dad was and when he’d be back (he was on an 18 month voyage to africa - my dad is a sailor). and she did always cut the crusts off my sandwiches for me.  (and btw i can’t ever re-read that passage with crying.)

What is your favorite fandom to write for? i mean, usually whatever my main fandom is at the time? which right now is spn. i did also enjoy writing potc fic and RDJ films sherlock holmes. i like writing characters who have a very strong but also very biased or unusual perspective on the world. they make for good unreliable narrators, which is something i love doing.

Which perspective do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person) always, always, always third-person limited is my go-to. i only write in first-person if the original source material is written that way (like ACD Sherlock Holmes) and i want to do a pastiche of that style. 

Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs? no. full stop. (okay, one caveat: i do like kidfic, but i am also SUPER PICKY about reading it bc im always looking for some accurate representations of parenthood and what it’s like to have a child. like kids are hard??? they’re hard and they make you worry and they drive you crazy and they have their own, weird, stubborn, fascinating views on life and the world. they’re not perfect angel children who exist only to be cute or ridiculously amazing mary sue geniuses. so yeah a well done kidfic where the kid is an OC i will read.)

Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots? given that every single WIP i have right now are fucking, horrible, lengthy novels,i want to say i prefer writing one-shots. i want TO BE ABLE to write one-shots. i used to do???? but yeah, i guess i really do enjoy plotting and world-building, which lends itself to creating monster plot bunnies instead of short stories or quick scenes. 

Do you take requests? i do! do i ever actually get around to writing those requests is another question. but absolutely. send me prompts. ask for timestamps. if it speaks to me, and especially if it’s something i think i can write in less than 1000 words, i’ll most likely give it a go. 

Do you enjoy getting random Asks? yes! always! i try to respond at least with in 72 hours. but yes please COME TALK TO ME ANYTIME.

What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix? so with fic, i never really write OCs, or if i do, they’re p much a red shirt or like extra #243 or smth and therefore don’t have names. if a character has spoken dialogue or no on-screen dialogue but some impact on the plot, i’ll try to “cast” that part with a character from the source material. for example, in the family business (which i realise isn’t posted yet), there’s some issues with a rival gang that need resolving. i cast the head of the rival gang as a well-known character from spn that has generally served a rival or an enemy to the boys on the show. i like doing that bc i like the parallels it draws, especially when working with an AU, and the ability to explore characters and dynamics from a slightly (or not slightly at all but in fact completely divergent) angle. i follow the philosophy that part of the real cathartic nature of AUs and part of why we write them is the ability to offer commentary on the source material. that a good AU should offer commentary on the source material. they're both metatexts and paratexts simultaneously. the one caveat to this, again, is kidfic, because i like and i do write it (i’ve just never finished any of those fics enough to publish them). and then i try to name kids in the way i think their parents would name them. i try to put myself in the character’s headspace and try to figure out what name(s) would appeal to them. and if we talk about work, and the scripts i write, i mean all of that is basically OCs. so far every script i’ve written while employed by my current firm, i always stick in at least one instance of one of my dogs’ names. i also will make subtle film or tv references. like the script i just wrote, there were three characters, and the first character had already been named harold by our content lead. so i named the other two perry and harmony as a reference to kiss kiss bang bang. i’ve done all the clones from orphan black as OC names. i’ve done members of radiohead.  if one of the scripts im writing already has a theme built into it for a specific pop culture reference (like yesterday one of the scripts i wrote was using yoda speech and star wars analogies as part of its marketing and engagement strategies) so i’ll name characters in line with that pop culture motif (so the star wars themed script has luke and ben and daisy and carrie as characters). 

If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who? as mentioned above, i rarely include OCs and if i do, they’re unimportant stand-ins. so i never give much thought to how they look. offspring in kidfic i do think about how they look. if the actors who play the main characters have children, i’ll start there. like for dean and cas, i always look at jj and west and maison and try to figure out what a kid with some of those combined physical features might look like. i’ll also look at photos of the actors from when they were kids or teenagers and try to decide if these two people had a kid, what features would that kid inherit.  for work, casting people depends on client expectations and design direction and budget, so it’s a different ballgame. 

How long have you been writing fanfiction? i think the first fic i published was in 2002 or 2003. so 15 years i guess??? how has it been 15 years dude. 

[submissivelynick]

Old Dog, New Tricks

Tagging: @ericxanders & @submissivelynick (& @miss-sue-sylvester) Date: late March Summary: some pretty intense puppy play for a final exam

Pet play was something he’d only explored briefly; but it was definitely something that had caught his interest. Exploring it with Nick had been a treat; the submissive was knowledgeable and obedient and overall, had proven to be someone he enjoyed carrying on a conversation with. Over time, it had grown less jarring to see him set up in full puppy regalia; the hood had taken the longest to get used too. It made it very easy to dehumanise him which was what they were going for. He had Nick set up before they even walked into the room, with everything except the hood. He kept him on a leash and walked him on all fours into the presentation room. ‘Before we begin pet, go ahead and remind me of your safeword.’ When he did so, he smiled and continued. ‘You’re free to use it at any time. Once the hood goes on, that’s the only word you’ll be allowed to use.’ He reminded him, and waited for his understanding, before he handed the well-made leather puppy hood over.

This final exam was a huge deal for Nick. Exams in general had always been important to him, as had his grades, but this exam was his last opportunity to really prove himself as a submissive in this institute. He’d be graduating either way--he really couldn’t see himself failing--but he wanted to take the opportunity to show off his submission and make Mateo and Jamie proud of him, and Eric, too. Working with the Dom had been a pleasant experience, and he’d enjoyed introducing him to certain aspects of pet play. He was expecting to have a lot of fun with this presentation.

He crawled into the exam room with his head held high, purposely swaying his ass so that his tail wagged back and forth. When they stopped, he looked up to Eric, a soft smile on his face. “Yellow to pause and red to stop, Sir,” he said, and he nodded his understanding, waiting for the last bit of his gear to be fitted onto him.

There was some pressure in knowing this was Nick’s last exam. It was a relief to know it wouldn’t stop him graduating but he wanted to help the submissive impress, and in turn, impress the heads on his own behalf. He fit the puppy hood over Nick’s head, ensured it was secure and that he could see. He made a point of scratching behind his ears once he’d done so. ‘Okay pet, sit.’ He instructed, starting off with some of the basic commands they’d discussed. He didn’t anticipate having to use it but he had a riding crop in hand to correct his position if it was necessary. ‘Then roll over.’ Initially he planned to show off Nick’s immediate obedience but he hoped this kind of performance would play into the humiliation they’d discussed and that he knew Nick enjoyed.

Nick knelt stilly in place while the hood was fitted onto his head. He pressed his head upward into the scratch, unable to resist the Dom’s hand. He easily moved into position when given the command to sit, and he blushed as he rolled onto his back, knees and hands up in the air and his soft cock exposed for everyone to see. He knew it wouldn’t remain soft for long with this scene, but he was excited to show off, even if his face was hot with embarrassment.

‘Good boy. Who’s a good pup?’ Eric praised, changing his tone. He spoke to Nick much the way he would have spoken to an actual pet who was showing off for its owner. He crouched down, taking the opportunity to run his hand over Nick’s torso and brush over his cock. ‘Now sit up and beg pup.’ He instructed, returning to his standing position. He produced a great fit for human consumption but shaped like a dog biscuit as a way to entice him, to give him something to beg for.

“Arf!” Nick barked when he heard the question. He was a good pup. Yes, he was! He barked again as Eric petted him, only whining a little when he pulled away. At the next command, he rolled over and got up onto his knees, his hands hanging limply in front of him as he stretched upward, angling his head toward the treat. “Arf!” he barked again before letting out another whine, eager to be rewarded.

He couldn’t help the grin that formed on his face. ‘You’re such a needy pup huh?’ He teased, keeping the treat just out of his reach. ‘Let me hear you beg pet.’ He directed, intending to make him plead as best he could without verbal skills for the chocolate flavoured treat. He took a lot of enjoyment in humiliation; and he was hopeful that even after their exam, it might be something Nick’s Dominant would allow them to play around with. ‘Plead puppy.’ He insisted, in an attempt to push Nick for a little more than he what he instinctively gave.

Nick barked in agreement, part of his mind wondering just how much of his blush Eric and the heads could see behind the mask. It didn’t matter, though. He was enjoying himself, and the humiliation they were touching on was part of that. He straightened his back further and whined more insistently this time, lifting one paw up to press against the Dom’s abs. His hand slid downward and he lifted it up again, whining as he went, hoping that this would be enough to earn his treat.

‘Good dog.’ He praised, slowly bringing in the change to his language. Dog rather than boy in an attempt to push his headspace a little further and to truly humiliate him. He gave Nick a quick swat on his ass with the crop, and instructed him to sit properly before he help the treat flat in his palm to allow Nick to eat it from his hand. He’d bought a new dog toy specifically for this occasion, and he held it in front of Nick before giving it a squeeze, prompting a loud squeak. He teased it in front of his face before he threw it and instructed him to ‘Fetch!’ He wanted to make him run, fully aware he’d look silly and be clumsy doing so.

The feel of the crop landing on his ass made Nick give out a little yelp. At one time, that would have been too much for him, but this definitely fell under the category of good pain. It didn’t hurt much at all after a few seconds, even. He blushed more deeply as he worked to eat the treat, struggling a bit with the hood. It tasted good, though, and he was happy for the reward. Playing fetch was fun, and he started off after the squeaky toy without thinking about it, his tail wagging back and forth while the plug shifted inside of him. He could also feel his semi-hard cock wagging beneath him as he crawled across the room. Picking the toy up in his mouth was less challenging now that he’d had practice with the treat, and he hurried back to Eric, knowing he was giving the heads quite a show with the view from behind. He sat back on his heels when he got to the Dom, holding the toy up in his mouth for him to take.

The tasks he was giving him weren’t supposed to be simple. The hood was definitely designed to make things a little more difficult and it spoke to Nick’s personality and ability as a submissive that he didn’t let the added difficulty overwhelm him. He took the toy from Nick’s mouth and again scratched him behind the ears. ‘Good dog.’ He praised. He touched the tip of his crop against his growing erection; a silent acknowledgement that he recognised it and gave him a smile. ‘Again pup?’ He asked, squeaking the toy before tossing it once more. He waited until Nick was about halfway there before he set the plug inside him to start vibrating. He kept it at a medium setting; something that would likely distract him but not something that would be too much for him to handle. ‘Bring it back pup.’ He called out, making it clear that he wanted Nick to continue and reminding him of his task.

Nick leaned upward, pressing his head into Eric’s hand to try to get more praise. The acknowledgment of his erection just made him grow that much harder. The knowledge that he wouldn’t be allowed to come also turned him on more. This scene was going to be almost unbearable to get through… but he was looking forward to it. He headed off for the squeaky toy again and was caught off guard when the plug started buzzing inside him. He hadn’t been prepared for that, and he froze in place, letting out a soft moan. It took him a second or two to start moving forward again after Eric reminded him of what was going on, but he went without complaint when he did. He tried to wiggle his tail back and forth as he returned, shifting the vibrating plug inside him and trying to make it a little less distracting… though it might have had the opposite effect. He was rock hard as he returned and sat back on his heels to present the squeaky toy to the Dom.

He was only slightly resentful of the fact that he couldn’t make Nick cum. He’d reached out to his Dominant but he hadn’t heard anything back and the last thing he wanted to do was push Nick to a place that got him in any bother with Mateo. A little teasing had no harm in it however. He took the toy from him and again ran the tip of the crop back and forth over his length. ‘What are we going to do about this pup hm?’ He prompted. He kept the vibrations consistent, and trusted he could read Nick well enough to know when he needed to make them stop. ‘Nothing I think.’ He decided, answering his own question before reaching down to clip a leash onto his collar. ‘C’mon pup, let’s show off how well you walk on your lead.’

Nick let out a whimper as his cock finally got a bit of attention, even if it was just a slight touch from the leather of the riding crop. His body ached for more as the plug continued to buzz inside him, pressing so deliciously against his prostate, but he had a lot of experience with denial and he knew he could handle everything Eric was throwing at him right now. He pouted a bit when he saw the leash, but he obediently dropped down onto all fours so that he could walk with the Dom. He turned to his left and started to crawl forward, the new position of the plug sending pleasure through his body.

He made a show of leading Nick around the room; issuing out clear instructions as he did so like ‘heel’ at which he gave the leash a quick tug and waited for Nick to stop at his side. It was evident that the submissive had experience with this sort of play; walking on the leash seemed very natural to him and Eric was definitely impressed by how well he kept himself together. When he was satisfied with showing him off, he directed him to roll over again, prompting him to expose himself completely once more. ‘What are we going to do about this?’ He teased, giving his balls a very light tap with the crop. He nodded towards a dog bed he’d left slightly left of centre in the room. ‘I suppose you could always drag the bed over and try to give yourself a little relief.’ He allowed, giving a wave of his hand as he unhooked the leash.

Being led around the room with the leash was nice. Nick knew he didn’t have to worry about anything at that moment; Eric was in charge and he would be taking care of everything. He trusted that the Dom knew how to take care of him as a pup, and it was more than easy to follow his commands. His face heated up behind the hood again with the renewed attention to his cock and balls, and the touch of the crop made him whimper with desire. He followed Eric’s gaze toward the bed, and when he was free from the leash he got up and crawled over to the bed. He looked at it curiously for a second before bending forward and biting into the edge of the bed. He winced at the taste, but he obediently pulled it backward with him, sure he was giving the heads quite the show with his wagging tail. It was still buzzing away inside him and he could already feel himself getting close to the edge. The bed fell out of his mouth a few times as he moved it, the hood getting in the way, but he persevered. Once he’d made it back over by Eric, he stopped and looked at the bed for a second to work out logistics. He climbed over top of it and rolled his hips forward experimentally, letting out a moan as his cock made contact with the soft fabric. Immediately, he thrust his hips forward again, and then once more, starting to work up a pretty good rhythm. Between the attention to his cock, the delicious pressure in his ass, and the knowledge that he was being watched, he could feel an orgasm building inside of him. He let his mouth fall open in a pant as he humped the dog bed, working hard to give himself enough pleasure without falling over the edge.

[silvermp]

Flock Together - Part 3

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)

After catching a small, harmless little snake and tearing it to tasty ribbons, Kuroko didn’t get much further than the ‘First a meal’ plan.

The sun had already begun to set in earnest, and her eyes - no matter how much chakra she poured into them - were not built for the night. It was too overcast to fly by moonlight, and she was already anxious from the idea of being on her own. The world just seemed so much bigger than she wanted to really think hard about.

Also, owls were nocturnal assholes.

As night fell, Kuroko found herself in the nest she was born in, hunkering down in the familiar curve of woven branches. She guiltily tucked her head down, resolving herself to setting out early in the morning to make up for time lost.

She couldn’t help but try to tune into the shadows, listening to the murmurs of familiar croaking voices, all calling out to each other in the night.

Sometimes she thought she could hear Kokoro’s decisive call.

--

After dawn broke, and Kuroko set out in earnest, she had come to realize that “As the crow flies” should not be a measure of straightforward distance. She didn’t know what crows that person had been watching, but it seemed suspicious. Between the wind, natural updrafts from warm spots in the forests, and the weird turbulence around the many rivers of Fire country, there was no way in hell she was traveling in a straight line.

Still headed generally ‘West’ though. Good enough.

--

Before the sun had even reached noon, her wings were already starting to get tired. Even her neck felt like it was going to cramp into knots.

Sue her, she’d never just straight-up marathoned before. Did her mother expect her to just fly straight there, or was taking a break okay? How long was that, anyway… 4 hours? 5? She was supporting her entire body weight on just her wings, and balancing in the turbulent air on top of that.

Screw it.

Kuroko landed with a thumph in a pile of thick river grass, laying in blissful relief for a few glorious minutes. Her chest and shoulders throbbed in time with her heart, wings sprawled across the flexible stalks. Moving after that felt almost sinful, but she managed to drag her overworked body to the edge, dipping her beak in for several long gulps.

Yeah, that was good.

She absently pecked up a spider as it crawled through the grass beside her, crunching it with the tip of her beak before tossing it back in a little gulp. She kept an eye out for any frogs. Those were tasty.

Something moved out of the corner of her eye, and she tilted her head hopefully. She almost missed it, until a slight movement betrayed a forked tongue. A thick brown snake was sitting still, neck coiled up in preparation to strike. Bright yellow eyes stared her down, deep pits on its nose ringing several alarm bells.

Nope.

Nopenopenopenopenoepnope nooope!

She burst upward in a flurry of feathers, ignoring her muscles screaming pain in favor of not dying, thank you very much . She looked back, once she was safely in the skies again, but the snake had already vanished into the long grass.

Right.

Crows aren’t exactly apex predators.

She took a deep breath, pushing through the ache and trying her best to ride currents for a while. She trudged on westward, wondering exactly how long she was expected to fly.

--

Hours later, that question had grown from a weary comment to an incredulous repetition, as each beat of her wings brought her lower and lower to the treetops.

This was insane.

She landed clumsily, letting her wings hang uselessly on the branch as she sucked in gasping breaths. Apparently her stamina sucked. A curling growl in her stomach reminded her that she hadn’t exactly eaten much, aside from breakfast and a random spider. Her body was not used to going without.

Using Chakra to enhance her ears only made the hunger worse, but it allowed her to pinpoint the shrill peeping of some baby birds in a neighboring tree.

…. No, she wouldn’t….They were babies… and birds. Wasn’t that cannibalism?  Should she even have morales about eating another bird? She’d never done it before - surely, her mother had the opportunity.

A few moments later, she was perched on the edge of their nest, looking down at the wide red mouths and eager little peeps, wondering if she had ever looked that lumpy and useless. (Yes, yes she had.) Thank goodness there was no swelling of maternal instinct. They were just birds. Noisy, limp baby birds.

She clacked her beak, not sure where to start. Mice always seemed like straightforward prey. They ran, you caught them. And then ate them. These little guys…

They continued to peep, reaching up toward her. They trusted her.

Damn.

Quite suddenly, her vision snapped sideways, and pain bloomed in her neck and the back of her head. Her ears were filled with the furious scream of an angry songbird. Her stomach growled, and the sparrow wheeled around for another run at her head.

Screw it.

She grabbed one of the babies in her claws, swooping away and dodging a very angry second songbird parent in its murder-dive. She pumped Chakra into her chest, sprinting through the air with her squishy prize. The sparrows eventually lost the determination to hunt her down, and she was able to land to eat it.

She couldn’t tell if it was still breathing, or if it was her own pounding heart warping her sight, but she was quick to snap its neck, just in case.

For all that effort and angst, the flavor was disappointing.

--

In the middle of rubbing bits of gore off her beak, Kuroko paused to grip her branch a bit harder as the forest seemed to rumble. A plume of dust rose above the tree line, buffeted by an unusual sweep of wind.

Since when did wind blow straight upward ?

Kuroko waited for a few long minutes, the active ache in her wings fading to a persistent tiredness. Good enough.

She flapped up into the sky again, heading toward the plume with no small amount of curiosity. She blinked open Chakra-enhanced eyes, scanning the leaves as she flew over the site. A flash of silver caught her eye.

Her wings almost missed a beat in surprise as a column of fire raced through the trees, swirling bright and fierce across the trunks. They were moving too fast for her to follow, but she caught the moments when they paused. Someone screamed, and she turned slightly to see someone falling dramatically to the ground, blood spurting in an arch as a long sword pulled out of them.

Someone leaped at the swordsman, but fell to the ground after their head jerked sideways with a gleam of dark steel. (Holy shit they were fast)

Several spikes of rock shot up, and one unlucky person didn’t get out of the way fast enough.

Fire consumed the area.

Kuroko felt herself buffeted upwards from the rising heat, and flared her tail to keep balance, closing her eyes against the bright flames. “Dual-core Humans may not be the majority, but they make up for their small numbers by sheer power and bullheadedness. They take the demon half of their heritage and use it to harness powers meant for our kind. Creative, but power-hungry and self-destructive.”

When she opened them again, the fighting had stopped. Only the green-clad people remained, walking around. She couldn’t see the detail on their outfits from this distance, but she definitely noticed when one of them looked up at her.

She quickly averted her gaze, carefully keeping her wings at a steady pattern.

I’m just a bird, flying around. Nothing suspicious here, ignore the perfectly normal crow, la de da~

Her thoughts were strained, forced lightheartedness belying the jolt of adrenaline racing through her veins. If they decided to hunt her down, she’d be officially out of luck.

A few minutes later, she still hadn’t been struck down, and allowed herself to relax a hair.

Up ahead, the forest parted to reveal a wide dirt road.

East to road, then north to follow it. Thank goodness.

She angled her tail, gently curving to begin following the dusty tan slice through otherwise endless green forests and shining rivers. (and the occasional battle, apparently) There was a faint updraft from the heated earth, and she thankfully used it to glide between wingbeats.

When the sun was just starting to set, and there was no river - or unusual pine - visible from the road just yet. Or maybe she missed it, and was screwed. Who knew?

So many possible bad endings with just… flying around with vague instructions to a final destination she’d never visited before.

A generous berry bush, a small nest of voles, and several grasshoppers later, Kuroko tucked her head under one wing and hunkered up next to the trunk of a tree with particularly thick foliage.

Before she fell asleep, she had a sudden, certain realization.

My body is going to hate me in the morning.

----

She woke in the morning with a low groan, resigned to the fact her prediction had been 100% correct.

Kuroko lingered to eat roadside bugs a bit longer than strictly necessary, opening and stretching her wings until she was sure it really wasn’t getting any better. A familiar cawing drew her attention, and she was in the air in a heartbeat.

Her heart lifted at the sight of wide black wings, and she hurried to head off the familiar bird.

”Have you heard anything about the Southern Roost? Or Kokoro? She’s my mother, I-” The bird wheeled away, cawing reproachfully at her.

Kuroko opened her beak, but the bird was already flying down into the forest again.

Oh.

“Just a normal crow…” she murmured, trying to ignore the way her heart sank, a bitter taste on her tongue. She didn’t realize how much it had been weighing on her, until she brought it up again. The way Kokoro had been favoring her leg - She had been injured, hadn’t she?

How long had she been traveling to the roost, before that day?

Since before I was born?

A small part of her wondered why she cared so much. She’d only been alive in this body for what, Four months? Maybe? How long did it take crows to learn to fly, anyway? Four months was nothing. Kuroko exhaled, focusing her eyes forward and keeping pace alongside the long road. It’d be pointless to insert herself into danger. Living day-by-day had kept her alive and well. She was just a bird…. If her mother wanted her help, she just had to ask.

The ache in her heart said otherwise.

A demon, Kuroko thought. With shadow powers. That’s something, right?  I could help… somehow.

At long last, she spotted a pine tree sticking up out of the regular variation of trees, and the glint of a river close by. She wished she could be more happy for making the journey, but her worries and aching muscles weighed down her mood.

The branches were uncomfortably prickly to land on, and hard to get into without getting poked to hell by blue-green needles. Still, she managed, settling down to wait for a fox to arrive and bring her to the next stage of training.

And waited.

And waited.

She flew off for a meal, and circled the tree before returning to her perch, beginning to feel a prickle of unease. Was she too late? Was she too slow? Was she supposed to have the stamina to just fly straight here, and the foxes got bored of waiting and abandoned her?

Kuroko fluttered down to a fallen branch, looking around from ground-level.

She settled down, deciding to wait a bit longer before freaking out in earnest.

A faint crackle caught her attention.

She turned her head, perking up at the sight of a fox’s broadly furred face staring at her from the underbrush. She checked, and could sense the ‘presense’ of it. Thank goodness.

“I’m here to learn from the Foxes.” She called out, eager to get introductions over with. Her mother hadn’t really told her any sort of etiquette things, so she wasn’t quite sure why she wasn’t getting an answer. Was she supposed to introduce herself first?

“My name’s Kuroko?”

The fox prowled closer, shoulders moving smoothly under its thick coat. Kuroko shifted uneasily, the copper eyes focused with an unexpected intensity.

“My mother sent me - Kokoro - I…”

A presence behind her.

!!

She sucked in a breath, launching herself into the air and flapping hard to get up into a nearby tree with a distressed squawk.

She whipped around, heart racing, mind whirring with the idea that this was a trap - that she was going to be stranded here, or hunted like an animal.

Wait, she was an animal.

The second fox chuffed a laugh at her, sitting primly while the young crow bristled angrily and hissed .

“Aren’t you going to introduce yourself first, little one?”

Kuroko swallowed her hiss, watching the first fox lick a black paw.

“My name’s … Kuroko.”  She had already introduced herself, was he being dense on purpose?

“Kuroko, huh? It suits you. I’m Shun.”

She dropped down a branch, hopping a bit closer to the fox, but still wary about actually landing on the leaflitter. Shun seemed to notice, and flicked an ear in clear amusement.

“Paranoid little bugger, aren’t you? Slow, too. Kokoro contacted us days ago.” Well, that answered the ‘Fly straight there or not’ question.

The fox stood up, curling her tail and trotting away, the silent fox close on her heels.

“Come on, then. We’ll get you situated, and figure out a schedule so I don’t have to wake up so goddamn early all the time.”

Kuroko blinked at the sudden swearing, but figured her own mind was probably filthier.

Still, there was a sweeping feeling of relief, that she wasn’t actually abandoned.

Or maybe she was just relieved to have someone order her around again.

Neither dependency boded well for her.

----

Apparently, foxes in general were not pleased to wake up before sunset.

Several slinked out of a large burrow, squinting at the sky and retreating to slightly-darker patches of underbrush as the rest of them came out.

Shun slipped out from the burrow, two more foxes on his tail, and addressed the small gathering.

What was a gathering of foxes called, anyway? Crows were a ‘murder’... wolves were a ‘pack’. An Intrusion of cockroaches….

Where did she learn that one?

She decided to call them a ‘pack’, just to be simple. That’s what Koharu had called them, it was probably fine.

“This is Kuroko, daughter of Kokoro. She’ll be staying with us until she learns to shift her form.”

Oh? That sounded promising.

One of the foxes flattened their ears, speaking up with a note of incredulity.

“Why doesn’t she just go to a Roost?”

“Because the Southern Roost is being attacked” Shun replied smoothly, not even batting an eye. “Kuroko needs to learn the shadows before returning.”

“It’s not like here is any safer.” another murmured, but ducked their head away when Shun turned to them.

“It is what Kokoro has asked of us, and so we will proceed. Of course, since the lady sleeps at night, it’ll be up to you to wake up early.”

What…. What was the weird emphasis for?

Kuroko lowered her head as the foxes began muttering amongst themselves, clear expressions of resentment flickering across their sharp faces. The one who had spoken up in the beginning, especially, looked outraged.

She had a bad feeling about this.

Shun dismissed them, and ignored the groaning and huffing that the foxes didn’t try to hide as they returned to their burrow. She turned to Kuroko, stepping lightly around fallen leaves.

“Since there’s still plenty of daylight, are you well enough to begin, or should we stop to get something to eat, first?”

The fox perked up her ears and smiled in a canine sort of way.

Something about it… seemed fake.

She couldn’t tell how exactly, since every movement of the sleek fox practically glowed with friendly helpfulness. But… something about her… voice, or the quickness of her support, didn’t sit quite right.

“N-no, I’m fine. We can start whenever you’re ready.”

Shun nodded her head, still smiling that slightly-off smile, and turned to pad down a well-walked little grass tunnel through the underbrush.

Kuroko took a few hops after her, before taking flight and just following the fox from above. Copper eyes flashed up at her, and Shun broke into a quick trot, matching the speed of her slow flight through unfamiliar branches.

Her stomach grumbled at her, but she didn’t mention it.

--

They ended up at the edge of the river, in a shallow area that acted more like a quickly-cycled wetlands. Patches of long grass were interspersed with tall reeds, and wiry trees growing despite the waterlogged soil.

Shun hopped between the grassy little islands, before sitting down by a particularly calm patch of water.

“Your mother wants you to learn how to travel by shadow. Apparently, knowing how to shift your form around a bit helps with that, and there’s no better shifter than a fox.”

She wished she knew fox body language a bit better. That tail flick probably meant something, but Shun’s face and voice gave nothing away but pleasant conversation.

“So we’ll start with the basics.” She tilted her head toward the slowly-moving water. “You’re going to look at your reflection for a while. Get a good picture of who you are, What you look like, what you believe in.” That tail flick again.

“Feel free to let some of your shadows leak out, I’ve heard that helps. Let me know when you’ve got all your edges identified.”

The what does what in where now?

Shun gave her a nod, and slinked over to flop onto some grass. Copper eyes turned to her, and Kuroko hopped over to get a look at her reflection. Yeah… those instructions weren’t confusing at all.

Please note the sarcasm.

Her reflection was as-expected. A black bird, with a thick beak and black eyes. Black legs, black claws, black everything. Just like her mother, some of her neck feathers gleamed green, and her eyes seemed a little grey when the sunlight hit them just right. She’d seen her image hundreds of times before, drinking from little puddles or the slow-moving creek on the edge of her mother’s territory. Nothing new.

Shun yawned, a tiny whine escaping the back of her throat before she plopped her head down on the grass.

Kuroko took a deep breath, and exhaled.

She pushed some chakra around, not really sure what difference she was supposed to see. After a few long, awkward minutes of this, she spoke up.

“What did you mean by ‘Shadows leak out?’”

A slow blink.

“Mmm...No clue. Ask your mother.”

“She’s not here right now.” Kuroko stated, trying to contain the building frustration.

“I can see that.”

She couldn’t help the irritated bristling of her neck feathers, but exhaled slowly, smoothing them back down after the fact.

“I know what I look like.” She muttered, looking down to glare at the sharp-beaked reflection looking up at her.

Shun jumped to her feet.

“Great!” She chirped, “Onto the next step!”

What the fuck?

“Here, check out your reflection over here.”

Kuroko obediently hopped over, looking down at the distorted ripples that only sometimes formed a crow.

“Now, that’s still your reflection, right?”

Kuroko shot her a look, but nodded.

“So if that reflection is ‘You’ and the other reflection is also ‘You’, what’s different?”

That weirdly sweet teacherly voice was definitely starting to rub on her nerves.

Or maybe she was just hungry.

“Water pressure?”

That damn tail flick again.

“Hmmm~ Almost, not quite, but close. It’s the movement of the water, yeah, but also the light bouncing off of it. If you twist the surface a bit, the image changes. Both the reflections are ‘you’, but the real you doesn’t have four heads, does it?”

Kuroko was silent, waiting for Shun to get to the point already.

“Get it?”

Fuck you.

“Yes, I get it.”

“Good! Now you just need to let your form twist around a bit. It’s still ‘you’, but different!”

Oh, that’s all, huh?  

“Ohkaaaaaayyyy?”

Shun didn’t take the hint, or ignored it, and trotted back to her grass.

“Well, get to it. Keep an eye out for hawks. I’ll be taking a nap ‘till you get it right.”

Get WHAT right? You haven’t explained anything!

Kuroko exhaled slowly again, digging her talons into the grass and staring down at her rippling reflection. How on earth was she supposed to spontaneously become something else?!

Maybe it was about visualization?

She tried imagining herself as a fox. Probably all black, with nice white teeth to growl with. She wondered what it would be like, to have proper teeth. The sharp beak and talons were nice, but the wolves just seemed so effective with their jaws.

She blinked, trying to concentrate on the rippling reflection.

Boredom picked at her mind.

She looked at Shun, who looked convincingly asleep.

This… was going to take a while.

---

And it did.

She was getting pretty good with those predictions, she really ought to stop predicting such pessimistic futures.

The sun set, with still no idea what she was supposed to be doing. As crickets started chirping in earnest (and frogs - she was definitely going to eat one of those) Shun woke up from her ‘nap’ and asked if she had made any progress.

At her negative response, the fox didn’t seem surprised.

“You’re probably just tired. Go get some rest back at the den.”

Kuroko sighed, obediently heading back, and finally grabbing a bite to eat before nestling herself in a tall, white-barked tree.

The next day was no different. Three different foxes sleepily watched her glare at her reflection, basically repeating Shun’s words back at her whenever she asked for help.

You’re still you, just give up the outside and look like something else, Right, she’ll just DO that.  

With zero progress and mounting frustration, Kuroko slept the next night a bit closer to the ground, tucked almost petulantly against the pale trunk.