#i like spiralling into the abyss actually
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The thing about all my insane Good Omens ramblings is that it doesn't even really matter if I'm wildly off base. Season 3 could come out and prove me wrong on every single count, but in the meantime I am still having the time of my life going completely off the rails
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Thank you for writing this out so expertly!
That's exactly what I think happened, as well. I'm still rather convinced that Aziraphale did suppress an "I love you" before hitting Crowley with his forgiveness.
I'm not entirely sure about why he does it though (to be honest, I'm not sure about any of my speculations, but it's fun). Maybe he wants to lessen the heartbreak for Crowley, because he has already decided to accept the Metatron's offer (not that Crowley's heartbreak could get any worse). Or maybe he just can't bring himself to say it after having to stay quiet for (at least) 6000 years.
My favourite theory though is, that it is because the Metatron / Heaven is watching somehow. Aziraphale's eyes dart to the window for a fraction of a second shortly after Crowley breaks the kiss (I still haven't figured out if Muriel might be standing there, seeing everything). I think, Aziraphale aches to tell Crowley that he loves him here, but once again, it's too dangerous (and too late of sorts) and he would get Crowley and possibly himself as well in real danger.
This breaks my heart all over again. 💔😭
All previous times Aziraphale offered forgiveness to Crowley, it was always spoken softly and with love, but this last "I forgive you" is laced with pain and anger. Aziraphale WANTS to say something else after his choked out "I..." but then he settles for the words he thinks he SHOULD say. His heart screams "I love you" and his lips say "I forgive you". He chooses obligation over love, and words of forgiveness come out with anger simply because he does not mean them and it is not what he wants to say.
#this show will be the death of me#why am i doing this to myself#i like spiralling into the abyss actually#come with me#it's actually quite cosy down here#like a velvet blanket covering me#i like making things painful for myself#i forgive you#I love you#aziracrow#good omens#good omens meta#good omens speculation#the kiss#ineffable pain#ineffable divorce
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AAAAA
MELON
I LOST FURINA TO DEHYA
I DIDN'T EVEN GET A DILUC CONSTELLATION :(((
NOOO CIRCY NOOOOOO !!!! its... o- yeah. its not okay. we need to hold a funeral. for both furina (lmao after the archon quest this makes a silly amount of sense), for your primogems, and of course, you. because i assume you are dying right now.
ID SAY ITS OKAY BUT CMON WE ALL KNOW ITS NOT>.. I MEAN DEHYA IS COOL RIGHT. HER KIT IS A LITTLE... MM... BUT HER IDLES AND VOICELINES ARE REALLY COOL !!! HER DESIGN IS SUPER PRETTY !!!! YOULL... YOULL MAKE IT OUT OF THIS....?
#★ ��ˊ˗ melonrambles!#★ ˎˊ˗ inbox.#★ ˎˊ˗ moots~ circy!!#is this why you changed your theme#is this why diluc no longer shows his face on your blog#is this why youve replaced all remembrance of a certain redhead with mr albedo#...valid....#( he killed me the day he came home against my will )#if i could id give you him. and him again. and his weapon.#actually no#you cannot have his weapon#it is on dori#and although some people hate#her#shes a really good hyperbloom dps...?#like legitimately#i have her as my spiral abyss second half#and while ive never 36 starred shes got me pretty damn far...#ofc now that fontaine is here all dendro and blablabla buffs are all gone which is why i shall sob in misery#im off topic#circy is sobbing in misery#ITS OKAY WE CAN SUFFER TOGETHER.#IM SO BROKE IVE WISHED FOR FURINA WITH ALL OF TH SCRAPS IVE COLLECTED#AND INSTEAD OF GTTING HER IVE RECIEVED LIKE FOUR FUCKING CHARLOTTES
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me: hmm it’s been a while since i tried the spiral abyss and im all the way up at AR 54 now so maybe i can handle it
me immediately failing floor 7 again:
#genshin impact#im Quite Bad#also i should probably just actually level my characters up#and figure out a better team structure for the second half but#whatever#ive always been bad with the fatui agents#ESPECIALLY the cryo ones#they’re SO annoying to fight#and they do SO much damage#i just got yanfei though and i feel like she’ll be a bit better for breaking their shields since she uses catalyst#probably a better idea than just hoping my lvl 50 barbara can somehow keep diluc alive as i put him right in front of their dumb ice gun#spiral abyss
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i kinda don't want to play genshin tbh. i just want to play minecraft
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#i swore i wouldn't sleep later than 11 pm. but man#for some reason doing weekly bosses doesn't make me feel like i actually/did/ something in the game#at this point i don't think it's feasible to do every single weekly boss every week anymore#cuz there's already 8 and we only get the 30 resin discount three times#in total we'd need 390 resin to do all of them#which is literally two days' worth of capped resin and an extra 70#one weekly transient resin from the teapot barely matters#i'd honestly rather grind normal bosses. even though i don't really need to anymore on main#unless i really want to max ascend all 7* members of my teams (*xingqiu's in both of them which i will rectify as soon as i get yelan. or#kick him out of chong's team in favor of melt. whichever comes first. would be sad but the abyss is cruel like that)#man i'm NOT looking forward to breaking up chongqiunett for the spiral abyss#they've been stuck together like glue literally since i started playing the game#i've alread max ascended chongyun cyno baizhu and bennett#not xingqiu because. oceanid man. it's painful#i really should though. as a sort of thank you for carrying me through the entire game alongside chongnett#maybe this'll be my excuse to build yanfei now lol#a little nervous about fighting the primo geovishap cuz i haven't fought it since that one world quest. which was AGES ago#but if i can beat raiden shogun without dying then i should be fine. hopefully#why couldn't it have been pyro regisvine ;-; srsly the most fun boss to beat up#atp i really should be focusing on like talents and artifacts but like...#i don't have any motivation to level anyone's talents up tbh. much less crown them#i'll probably double crown cyno at the very least. but everyone else...#i'm still a little exhausted from triple crowning chong tbh. literally the most massive resource sink in the entire game#(ik artifacts are worse resource sinks but shh im complaining here)#the minute after i gave him his last crown i was more broke than zhongli#leveling characters is way more fun than leveling talents ;-;#i don't mind going back to the taishan mansion forever and ever until the release of snezhnaya#it's just... the amount of mora i need for this shit...#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Serious question, but does anyone actually care about beating the abyss anymore?
Because I'm just finding it annoying at this point.
Floors 9 and 10 are laughably easy to beat, the only way to make it interesting is to pick random characters you haven't played in a while and seeing what happens.
Floor 11 is easy but annoying to finish.
And floor 12 is just a boring waste of time and energy.
Like I'll pick teams and try it once. Because that's what it's worth at this point, one try. You don't even get a full pull from beating a whole floor, why would I waste time? Especially with the current chamber 3. Like oh yes, I just love running from one end of the arena to the other to hit the stupid worm a few times. Such engaging game play, peak stuff, truly.
#genshin impact#spiral abyss#rant#i don't feel challenged#i feel annoyed and bored#like i'll do the first three floors for rewards#and if I don't manage full stars on the first try im just not gonna bother with a second try#it's not worth it#and ill do floor 12 just to see what nonsense they put in this time#also im tired of ice lawachurls pushing me around by fucking walking into me#fucking fix it hoyo#im tired of enemies just pushing me around in general actually#they aren't even doing any dmg just pushing me around like im standing on ice
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I slave away artifact farming for melt Ganyu when apparently abyss only requires seven characters, dendro and some hope & dreams.
#now my Alhaitham is c2 r1#but considering I'm running no Nahida no dendro resonance no dendro battery#he's actually worse off than a c0 r1#also that beidou Fischl aggravate team is soo fun#i love being able to play Kazuha and Beidou together like!!! look!!! they're friends!#plus Kazuha knows Fischl and beidou probably knows yaoyao#so let's say it's a canon set up#spiral abyss#is this a flex? i guess yes but also dendro hard carries
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Y;ALL THE KOMAEDA NENDO IS REAL I';M LOSING IT .
#I;M TRYING TO DO THE SPIRAL ABYSS AND I;M ALREADY DYING BC THEY SAID THERE'S AN ASUKA NENDO AND#UNIRONICALLY ACTUALLY HAD A DREAM OF PICKING BETWEEN 2 ASUKA NENDOS TODAY LIKE NO JOKE AND THEN???#KOMAEDA NENDO??????? I;M GOING TO BE ONE WITH GRAVEL DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE SPACE AND MONEY BUT BHVHFFJF#SCREAMING HE NEVER LEAVES ME AND Y;ALL KNO IT;S OBLIGATED TO GET MY MAN.#IF YOU;VE BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH OR EVEN REMEMBER THAT PHASE OF MY LIFE I;M FBJHVFHJVF#dove.txt
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Reading this after season 2 makes me feel unwell.
Does Crowley - Aziraphale - Heaven count as a love triangle?
Heaven is like a toxic (ex-) partner, so I guess it does.
Google suggested an article for me titled "Good Omens season 2: Michael Sheen teases romance between Aziraphale and David Tennant’s Crowley".
That's... That's just the show. That's it. That's the whole thing.
#I'm feeling unwell#why am i doing this to myself#I like to make things painful for myself#i like spiralling into the abyss actually#please follow me#I don't want to suffer alone#suffer with me#this show will be the death of me#greatest love story of all time#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable pain
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Neuvillette really loves to remind me to "be sanctified." LOL. As a Christian, I found it hilarious the first time I tested him out in the character trial.
#like... I actually find it funny#how genshin just throws random terms from the Bible#but not really understanding how Christians actually use those words#I do get a bit annoyed at the abyss heralds quoting verses#they just sound heretical to me hahahaha#like saying 'grace be with you' while being an implicitly evil being#I'm like you're annoying me so I'm going to complete this spiral abyss run even faster lolllll#or to use a modern term... it actually feel like cultural appropriation lolll#like using these terms and Bible verse with no respect for them#yeah that's what it feels like lollll#but I mean... I'm not surprised when people don't respect God's Word#but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be bothered by it lolllll#I can tolerate it though lol#mimi's updates
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Crow, please tell me a story about your time in Fontaine? Any story will do.
this one time i was hanging out w my friend, we stumbled across a hydroculus that i had not been able to get for the life of me (with only 5? hydroculi left), and he unlocked it for me in like 2 seconds. i was elated and very upset
#honorable mention: i got my black cat the day before fontaine came out#he’s so silly i love him so much. he likes to sit on my lap and paw at my screen when i’m playing genshin#he has helped me beat spiral abyss 😊#once again unsure whether or not to tag so. playing it safe#the most mundane story ever because every single funny one left my brain as soon as i read this ask#uh oh me when i start rambling more in tags than the actual post again#oops#⟢ ✉️ ⊹
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did genshins little anni card generator, i fucking love statistics and numbers.
#at one point it told me the commission i completed the most was “O' Archon hear me..” uh yeah i felt that#literally switched my commissions to mondt because i couldn't stand to do that damn commission one more time#it definitely... made me feel like i play a lot but don't get much done lmao#somehow Yenfai is my character with the highest talent level... hm? how?#and i literally didn't even open the spiral abyss this year. i should try it at least right -_-)#my accounts so old SURELY i can scrounge something together here#also... i still haven't cleared the Sumeru Archon quest. or the Chasm Quests actually. so like... i should shouldn't i?#ahhh on the one hand if it's not fun why bother but. i spend so much time on this game i'd like to be good at it ORZ#post: misc#gensh1n 1mpact
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Yandere academic rival who really, really wishes he could just get you out of the way.
Dead dove Do Not Eat! MDNI ! NSFW !
Tw. Dubcon/Noncon, bullying, academic pressures, blackmail, oral sex, explicit photos, mentions of baby trapping, yandere, stalking, forced relationship, AFAB reader
Elias had a certain level of respect for you.
You both attended a prestigious university crammed full of students vying to make connections and nab a cushy position for themselves in the future, and while it was easy for him to be on top of the social and academic scenes, he knew you had to work a bit harder. He came from a very wealthy household, one where needing something was merely a concept and not something he ever actually encountered. You, on the other hand, definitely come from a lesser background than him and his circle. Your scholarship and just above the average academics seemed to have pushed you into a good spot to be hoisted into the same realm as him.
But he didn't really think of you much at first.
You were some nameless face that wasn't really worthy of being around him. Maybe he would catch glimpses of your hair, or someone woud mention you in passing and he'd pretend to be intruiged.
It was really when you started to be compared to him of all people that he started to really pay attention.
You were smart, cunning, and ruthless when it came to your assignments. Just like him. Normally he worked overtime, paid industry professionals to help review his papers, his study materials and poured blood sweat and tears into his academics. And yet you somehow managed to be on his level with less than half the resources. It drove him up a wall because if you were nearly as good as him now, then what could you be like if you had the chance?
Elias was like a man obsessed after your sudden, explosive rise in the minds of professors and lecturers alike. He spent hours studying, shirking his friends and other responsibilities just to make sure he was still better than you, to keep you in your place.
He started to focus in more on your personal life, too.
Where on earth did you come from? He's half convinced that you were genetically designed in a lab to piss him off. But the more he glares at the back of your head when you're not looking, the more he's transfixed. You're like a black hole, or some kind of other abyss like metaphor. Fuck, you had him writing poetry in his head. He hated poetry. He hated you. Or at least, he would really like to hate you, but he couldn't. You had the same amount of drive as him, maybe even a little more. No matter what he did, he was forced to acknowledge you, forced to be aware of every twitch of your hand or every flutter of your eyelids. To him, you were something that demanded attention, even if it was taken from him through gritted teeth.
The only reprieve from his spiraling was the fact that you felt the same way about him. He liked to imagine that you were just as obsessed with him, sitting there in the late hours of the night writing down equations with him as your sole motivator.
But then he finds out that he's not even occupying your mind, and he loses his shit.
"Oh Elias? Yeah I guess he's fine. Huh? Rivals? What the- no way I just want good grades. He has nothing to do with it haha."
You just said it in passing when someone teased you about it, and he knew that he shouldn't linger on your words for too long. If anything, it should make him feel better. You had nothing against him, so it meant everything was fine, right? Wrong. It was so wrong.
Elias was seething, nearly throwing a tantrum. How could you not even think about him. Him! You were some piddling, pathetic excuse for a human being, and you had the audacity to not even regard him when he spent nearly every waking moment thinking about you.
He was fine just watching you from the corner of his eye. He was fine knowing that on some level, the two of you had a respectable if not distant relationship. Just because in some aspect, he wanted a piece of you all to himself. And if you weren't going to let him just have a little bit of your life, your passion, your drive, he would just take all of you instead.
He follows you into the library late one night. You're sitting there, glowing in the warmth of the nearest lamp while your pen makes soft scratching noises against the paper. You look pretty. You've always looked pretty to him. You don't notice him as he approaches, and he feels any vestiges of doubt or restraint float away. Even now, as he loomed over you, you didn't even spare him a glance.
The library was empty. He made sure it was so before hand, and he's glad he did. The quite air was shattered by the sound of him shoving you over the priceless lacquered wood desk. Your eyes go wide as you take him in, and his hands fly up to your throat.
"Augh! What are you-?"
"Shut up." He hisses and narrows his gaze. Your pulse is racing underneath his fingers, and he has half a mind not to crush your windpipe into oblivion so that he can be the last one to feel it. "You have no idea," He mutters and leans in close. Your frightened breath ghosts over his skin, and he shudders. Now that he thinks about it, this is the first time he's ever been so close to you. It feels so right. He never wants to be away from you again. Not when you look so damn alluring with tears rolling down your cheeks and your clothes rumpled on the floor by his feet.
He wants you like this always, with your twitching cunt stuffed full of his fingers and your cries filling his ears. Soft, wet squelching noises met each of his ministrations, and a cruel, wonder filled grin spread across his face.
"You have no idea how much you've driven me wild," He laughs. It's a sharp sound that grates on your ears. "How much you infuriate me," Each word is punctured by a thrust, by a curling motion that has you gasping and seeing stars.
If this is what he has to do so that you notice him, so you will just fucking care about his existence more than you would any other speck of dust on the street, then so be it.
It only gets worse from there.
Elias takes photos of you. So many. Ones of your crying face, ones of your leaking pussy, some of him shoving his dick past your puffy lips. Once the camera shuttered and they were in his hands, it was all over.
He played the role of your boyfriend after that.
There wasn't a moment where he wasn't hovering over your shoulder, whispering threats into your ears. He gets you to start doing worse in your classes and on your assignments, and for once, he's happy. He finally has your eyes on him, and if you ever try to leave him or say anything, then he'll make sure you can never show your face around here again. Don't worry, though. He's kind enough to keep it so you won't fail outright. In fact, he'll just slip some money to some of the professors so you don't have to do anything other than sit on his lap and pay attention to him while he actually works for the top spot.
Elias takes you out on fancy dates as if it's any way to soothe the sting of having your life ruined. He pays for everything and practically preens under the feeling of finally getting what he wants. He's such a brat, and he doesn't even care about hiding it when he's with you. Part of the reason why he likes you is he can be his nasty, awful and conniving self and you have no choice but to accept it. He doesn't mind if you're reluctant or stubborn. In fact, he kind of likes it because in the end, you still gave in to have a chance to graduate from a prestigious school. And plus, now you're living the high life with him! It's kind of a win win if you think about it.
He loves having you sit on your knees (a cushion underneath them of course. He wouldn't want you to ever actually get hurt) and taking his cock in your mouth while he studies. You look so cute like that, with your eyes all narrowed in mildly hidden frustration, and he loves it even more when he thrusts into your throat. You always make these little spluttering noises that just drive him wild, and he clamps his thighs around your head to keep you there.
Elias who soon becomes the university's beloved model student. He's not going to let anyone get in his way ever again, especially not after he has you to provide for now. After all, he's got plans for you. Once he manages to put a baby in you, he'll know that your future family is secured, and he's got to support all of you. There's no way he can fail now!
#my writing#yandere#yandere x reader#tw yandere#yandere male#yandere x you#x reader#dead dove fic#stalker yandere#yandere rival#male yandere#yandere x darling#yandere boyfriend#fanfic writing#darlingcore#yandere concept#yandere character
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returning to my roots... melt ganyu best girl
#my stuff#genshin impact#i actually thought this abyss was easier than the last one#ie i got more stars first try and was like hmmm i can probably get the full 36 if i play a little more strategically#whereas last abyss i got 33 and didnt even try for 36 lmao#spiral abyss
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Aziraphale was who kept him wanting to go on. To do as much good right things as he can, without getting punished (too much) by Hell. To fight for his angel and himself. For their side (our side). For his love of creation and especially for his love for with(!) Aziraphale!
But now Aziraphale is gone. He has abandoned him. And not just for anything or anyone. No, for the same system that made Crowley feel so unworthy, unloved, unforgivable and unlovable in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT blaming Aziraphale here in any way. Like God, I don't have favorites (okay, maybe I'm a teeny tiny bit more on Crowley's side). But for Crowley it's DEVASTATING! It's HEARTBREAKING and MIND SHATTERING. It fucking HURTS! SO MUCH! It makes him feel worthless and undeserving of love AGAIN! At least for a little while, maybe just a moment, Crowley will feel like the worst, most undeserving and unimportant being in all of existence. Unworthy of anyone's love, ESPECIALLY Aziraphale's.
And maybe, it will nearly break him.
But we, the watchers, have an advantage! We know, that this demon ist the most loved being in all of time and space! Because never has anyone ever been loved as deeply and unconditionally as Crowley is loved by Aziraphale.
He'll just have to see it himself eventually.
crowley loves so much and so deeply, and while there can probably be made an argument that parts of that love are entirely selfish, i think it's more than that.
he sees creation as a way of giving things live, be it stars and nebulas or humans or plants, they all exist and thus have a right to live. i think the thought of his nebulas and the entire universe being shut down after 6k years didn't just make him sad because of the effort he put into it. he sees it as a living, breathing creature that deserve to exist on its own terms.
that is why he asked questions, it certainly played a role in why he fell, and it also puts him right in the moral grey zone because there's no way of thinking that humans deserve free will without questioning the black/white moral system.
having to play his part as a demon is entire counterintuitive to who he is as a person, and it's imo the reason why he barely has relationships with humans (and if he does, they go deep). the constant loss would kill his soul and in a way it already has.
"what's the point" is him having reached a point of depression and an impatience that has morphed into bitter resignation.
look at him returning to the bentley after his fight with aziraphale in episode one. he isn't just upset, he is tired.
what's the point in loving and trying to save those that he loves when over and over again he is told that no, everyone else matters more than you. fixing this is more important than finding the peace we deserve. helping someone who literally tried to kill us matters more than our love for each other. the universe will be created and then destroyed for nothing, you are breathing live into empty spaces and none of it will matter. in the end, the logical conclusion he undoubtedly came to is that he does not matter either.
he tried to find a purpose for his existence in aziraphale and their arrangement, in trying to be kind and do good despite everything - and see where that landed him.
rejected and alone because compared to heaven, he is worthless, and well if that isn't a familiar feeling.
i think aziraphale in 1862 has picked up on that and he isn't wrong when he thinks it's a suicide pill.
season 3 is going to be very, very interesting because i don't think crowley will go down some kind of rage and revenge path, he will just fall deeper into his depression until it threatens to swallow him whole.
#i like making things painful for myself#come spiralling into the abyss with me#it's actually quite cosy down here#like a velvet blanket covering me#alex talks good omens#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable pain#greatest love story of all time
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SACRED | YANDERE PRIEST X M!READER
prompt: yandere!priest x transmigrated!male!reader
character(s): priest (anton), you
warnings(s): mention of violence, god complex, religious imagery, dub-con, not to be glorified or romanticised
note(s): male reader, second person, past and present tense, not beta read. from twisted faith on my wattpad.
It takes a few moments for you to truly process what just happened. From the coarse sheets underneath your skin that differ greatly from the silken ones you have grown so accustomed to, to the air that smells like blood, you know something is terribly wrong.
Then you see a mural of a priest on the wall, and you remember where you are. A horror game.
Anton. It’s the name of the priest you need to find.
The first time you see the priest is the day after you transmigrate into a horror game. The said game, Spiraling into the Abyss features almost a cult like fanaticism with religion: you learn in the first few seconds of your time in the new world that they worship a priest like a God, and that they sacrifice humans to please the apparent gods of the heavens.
You’re a sacrifice. You know that. You are found to be guilty of some stupid crime you didn’t commit, and as far as you know, you are a worthless extra who will die by burning—you will do everything to prevent that.
To survive, you need to get into his good graces. You see him on the day or worship, when you come early to the Church: and his beauty astounds you. Symmetrical features—and the whole blue eyes and golden hair combination that is seen as rather cliche, in terms of beauty—but Anton doesn’t have a common kind of beauty; he is radiant. Benevolent. Ethereal. You marvel at him. His skin is without a blemish, and is fair, like he hasn’t gone out in the sun for a while...yet it has a healthy glow to it. His expression is serene. Anton's hair frames his face perfectly, and his eyes are expressive and rather captivating, with long, dark lashes that draw attention to it. His cheekbones are well-defined, his nose straight—and those only add to Anton's appeal.
He speaks to you in lilted tones, and immediately, you realize the priest isn’t just evil—he’s downright a menace.
"Sometimes I forget you are a new, naive believer. God is perfect, is he not? So his messengers, in turn, can do no wrong. He sends his messages through me. God is part of me. I'm merely ridding the world of evil." He strides to where you are, and his hands touch the top of your head lightly. His fingers fall to your cheek, and he strokes it gently.
You can only swallow. “Yes, Father Anton.”
There’s one day where you ask him why he burns those bodies. He calls it “cleansing”, apparently.
“They donate to the church out of the kindness of their hearts,” you tell him, swallowing the bile down your throat as you hear more screams. “Is that not…a little extreme?”
“Extreme? Why, no, not at all.”
“You burn people alive.”
“That is the cleanest way to proceed. Their ashes tumble away, and it makes it much easier for the people, too. If we were to use magic, or beheading, or even hanging—it would be much messier, no? And I believe fire is such an awfully beautiful thing. It can make death look inviting; and even though the heavens might cast them away…in hell, all they will see is the fiery pits. This is their punishment. To feel sorry for them is strange, Y/n.”
Despite this, for the sake of your survival, you continue to visit him. Now, such visits are rare: Anton barely makes time for anyone. But he does, for you.
Of course, this partial treatment doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He treats only you like this: it’s concerning, actually. His words are light and gentle, but the weight of it isn’t. In fact, he speaks of cleansing, he speaks of murdering in such a calm manner that you wonder if the devil truly resides in him.
But one thing is clear.
To survive, you need to get into his good graces.
You feel your sanity slip each minute you spend in the game.
Anton kills. So does the Church. And you still can’t explain the goddamn obsession he has with you. Why has he not killed you yet? Anton is no saint, not at all.
Perhaps Anton was ensnared by the promise of Godhood—ensnared by the tendrils of his own self proclaimed grandiosity. Perhaps he had been idolized so much…worshiped by the devoted believers that he had simply been led to believe in his imagined divinity. Anton was a mortal who had dared to cast a shadow that eclipsed the very stars that he had reached for. Anton was simply adorned in robes of imagined omnipotence, and smelt of the fragrance of narcissus.
Here, he was god, but Anton was completely alienated from empathy. For what was a god in isolation but a sovereign ruler over an empire of one, ruling over a realm devoid of the richness of God’s grace?
You can’t deal with him much longer. He keeps murdering: he murders those who come to you under the guise of the silly notion of cleansing, he finds it amusing to see you sob and cry…and he has no qualms about drugging you. If not for the items you have stored in your inventory, warning you of drugs, you would have succumbed long ago.
Anton is no priest.
And now he stands before you, his lips curling into a smile when he sees the look of despair on your face. He has just killed a friend,
You have to. You have to fight Anton…you have to…
Anton leans forward. You two are a hair’s breadth away.
God. Is God real? Is the devil real—has he taken form in Anton himself, twisting, persuading, begging, tempting people to court evil, to withhold the stench of death? The crimson flames have not faltered for long, and have only seemed to welcome him with fiery contempt, only surrendering when everything has been destroyed in its wake.
You long to spit curses towards Anton. You long for your limbs to connect with his face, and leave a mottled bruise there. You long for your twitching fingers to wrap around the priest’s neck; watch as oxygen slowly slips from his lungs out of your throat. You long to see his body grow limp.
“You are so perfect,” Anton murmurs, “so, so divine. So perfect…”
You don’t get why he says this. He’s been telling you this for ages: it’s the reason why you’ve been treated well. He claims you are some savior from an oracle ready to save him, he claims you saved him.
And now in this scenario, where his fingers are grazing your cheek?
You swallow. There was no way, right? No fucking way—
“I want to kiss you.”
Your heart drops. “…If I say no, you wouldn’t listen.”
A kiss. It would just be a kiss, right? That was okay. It means simply brushing your lips against Anton’s…yeah, that was possible.
You want to cry. Anton presses his lips on yours—it’s a mixture of heat and warmth; the way Anton ravages your lips has some sort of twisted hunger to it, craving and craving and craving. There is an obscene sheen of saliva coating your lips when you part.
The kiss tastes just like the forbidden fruit, plucked from the tree of desire. It is the same way that Eve sinned—eating a fruit that had belonged to the serpent. It was as if you had forged a pact with the devil himself—that in kissing Anton, it was like sealing your fate in the molten wax of sin, staining the canvas of your soul. Had matted it black.
It was shameful. So utterly shameful that the kiss…
Once Anton fully lets go, he smiles, and you collapse on the ground, tears running down your face.
He needs you, Anton thinks, he needs you. You are the savior who has brought him from the depths of hell. You are his miracle. You are his little pet; his little divine sacrifice, the white sheep with the white wool. You are the one who will follow him guiltlessly. Untouched, untainted, clean.
You are shaking like a newborn lamb.
He presses another kiss on your forehead.
[ before, Anton’s pov ]
The world was dirty.
It needed a savior. Someone to bring them out from the depths of hell—to cleanse them. After all, was that not what the texts read? Was that not what he had learnt, ever since young? Was that not what had been instilled in him since his very birth? Luke 15:11-32. The wayward son who squandered his inheritance but was welcomed back by his forgiving father—Anton had marveled at it when he was young. To think someone would have such boundless grace; such forgiveness for a foolish person…
The oracle. Anton saw the oracle as a gift—a symbol from God. It had been delivered to him when he was young, naive, and careless.
Anton remembered very little about his childhood. Extremely little. He remembered his mother, his father. But that was it—but oh, how he hated them. Anton did not remember why he hated them, why the portrait of his family had been torn out. He regarded life then, and now, as the beginning of the end.
Something fleeting, something ephemeral. Something tragic. Life was a wonderful tragedy.
People look at me with such endless wonder; such spellbound eyes and widened mouths. They see me as God—they see me as a deity above them all.
And that was true, Anton thought. That was very true. Sinners. Wretched, dirtied, horrid sinners, all of them! Anton despised humankind; they were worthless—made of brittle bones with flesh. He did not even see them as humans. They were just mere vessels in need of salvation.
“Father Anton!”
“Father Anton, would you please help me?”
“Bring me to the path of salvation!
He was anointed by a divine purpose to purify the soiled souls of the world…
Yes, that was his purpose.
It was relieving and calming to have a purpose. To drift in the vast expanse of the world; the universe without a tethering purpose is akin to being a feather in the breath of the wind. Useless, damaging, lonely. Anton could see—it was very easy for him to see who were those who were aimless in life, compared to those who had the bright, bubbly life shining magnificently in their eyes.
Oh, Mother. Anton would stand before her grave. Again, he did not remember much of what he believed was to be a mundane, boring childhood, but his mother’s name left a bitter taste on his tongue, horrid and painful. Somehow, he did not feel a single bit of…remorse, or guilt when he gazed at her tombstone. He expected to feel guilt for something he was quite sure he didn’t do.
But his lips would always curve into a smile when he saw the words etched on the grave. She was dead, he would remember. Dead. Occasionally, snippets of memories would come to him—her shrill voice, her messy, jagged hair, her crazed, crazed eyes. The way her fingernails felt on her skin when she scratched at him wildly.
Clearly, she deserved to die. How did she die, though? What exactly transpired? What kind of person was she, and what kind of person had she tried to make Anton into?
Anton found, to his surprise, that he was bothered about this. Detachment was something he prided himself on: he would never venture too close.
To have attachment with someone would be detrimental. Annoying. Haunting.
There were times—many, many times when Anton had awoken, hollow and void.
The oracle.
The oracle.
When is it coming? When is it coming? Have the gods lied to me?
The oracle—his lifeline since he was young—was the very proof that this world had a chance, to live on, to heal.
A savior.
There were times Anton would grow impatient. He needed to do something about the state of the world. It would be easy, wouldn’t it? Why did people falter in front of flames? What did people shun away from blood? Was the sight not wonderful, not enchanting? The heat was welcoming—a gentle caress. Those who ventured in, would have their faces bathed in mesmerizing glow. Nevermind their screams, nevermind their bleeding, rotting flesh.
The fire illuminated the world before it dissolved like nothing. Like it hadn’t existed.
“Horrible! Horrible! You’re fucking horrible!” Then the stinging of flesh. There was something piping hot, something burning him.
“Why won’t you even flinch, you monster?”
Anton smiled loosely. Another memory. They came into his mind occasionally and quickly. He never pondered over them—it was useless to; for he already had everything he wanted.
The day you came into the world, was the day he felt alive. Waiting had become a bore to him—it was the same routine over and over again, with the same stupid, foolish people—
Something extraordinary had graced his reality. The oracle. You were the chosen one. The chosen one. The chosen one. The one he yearned for; seeked for; the change in the world.
“Dear God,” You had said the first time he saw you. “I confess I have been impure in my holy spiritual presence…”
Anton had seen you before the mural; your head lowered, your words soft and quiet.
Anton had stepped before you, tilting his head to the side as he observed you. In fact, you seemed to be struggling.
“You have to be sincere. You can’t just read off the mural.” Anton sighed.
You seemed to look at him with flickering recognition.
“Forgive me, Father Anton, for I have sinned.” You appeared shocked for the words to even slip past your lips; and oh, you were beautiful. Lovely. Innocent. Anton gazed at you—this was the person he had been waiting for his whole life—fervently, impatiently, silently.
“You don’t seem to be used to this,” Anton said at last, as he took off his hood. He had not meant to come to church today—he was aware the crowd was growing more stifling, more crazed by the minute. The women of the church reminded him of his mother. There were times he wished he could draw a blade to their throat, and watch the blood spill out in a wonderful crimson.
“I’m afraid it’s been long since my last confession.”
Anton couldn’t help but smile. You were lying.
“That’s alright,” He said calmly, “you have come now. Is there something in particular that’s troubling you, perhaps? To bring you to confession?”
“I…”
Anton could read human beings exceptionally well. From the way their eyes narrowed, the way their pupils widened marginally, to the gap of their fingers…you were trembling. You were thinking of what other lies you could say.
An adorable fool.
“You…?” He prompted. “You must not feel self conscious in the eyes of God. He already knows, Y/n. He is only waiting for you to confess.”
I am only waiting for you to confess. To tell me that you are from the oracle.
“I cannot even recall it.” You admitted.
You cannot recall it because it is not true.
“What do people come here for, Father Anton?”
Many things.
“The ones who have sinned so awfully they are made to be sacrifices.”
Oh. Sacrifices. Anton did not even—
There were times he would stand before dead bodies, blood in his hand, blinking slowly. When? When had he killed them? It all happened so fast, he wasn’t even aware of the blood staining his clothes, the bodies riddled on the ground.
“You tell me, Y/n.”
“Murder…?”
Anton wanted to laugh. A textbook answer. You had much to learn, didn’t you? It was alright. Anton could teach you. Teach you from ground zero, till you would become who you were supposed to be.
“Mostly, it’s their lack of faith. Rebelling against us. It is their perceived lack of loyalty, and their utter ignorance and disregard for God that leads us to take drastic measures.”
“But that’s…that’s killing isn’t it?”
So pure. So untainted, so innocent.
The oracle. The person from the oracle.
“But that doesn’t matter,” Anton said softly, “you show a desire to learn. And that is always very splendid, always welcomed.”
Anton would morph you and turn you into something splendid, divine.
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