#i like photography a lot i'm just Bad at it
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Reminder that this is how bummys talk about Oliver and worse. Let's not forget some of them also made a 4hr podcast months ago saying awful stuff about him, all because he was posting about hanging out with Ryan and not Lou. They've also been repeatedly calling him biphobic/homophobic because he said Buck should get to explore his sexuality more and have sex.
Some of these people used to be Buddie shippers but the truth is they never really cared about Oliver or Buck. They have the nerve to call us fetishists when a lot of us have been shipping two best friends for years who we just want to see take their relationship to the next level. The main draw for them with b/t is wanting to see two guys they think are hot together because it certainly wasn't about Buck and his happiness. They weren't ever looking at his scenes with Tommy thinking is this really the best relationship for Buck? They've always been more concerned with Tommy and wanting him to be a permanent fixture on the show. Almost immediately after 704 some of them were calling him Buck's endgame. Even though we were shown time and time again how much Tommy was never the right person for Buck.
Now that their ship is over they've inevitably turned on Oliver and are blaming him for it even though at the end of the day the person who made that decision was Tim.
Also and this is something I really really wish bummy stans would get through their heads, actors are allowed to have personal opinions about the media they act in. Oliver has said he's a fan of 911 so I'm sure he watches the show. It's clear from many things he's said that he genuinely cares about Buck every bit as much as we do. So acting like he's not allowed to have preferences for the show and for Buck just makes no sense. He's connected to Buck in a way none of us are so if anyone should get to have thoughts on Buck's story it should be him. He's allowed to like or dislike a ship or a storyline. I know it sucks if an actor that's part of a ship you like doesn't support that ship but it does happen.
Oliver has supported Buddie for years and been very transparent that he wants to see it happen. He was never going to become the captain of the b/t ship. He's never really been super supportive of any of Buck's other ships nor does he have to be. Oliver has always been respectful towards his co-stars and fans and always given respectful answers about Buck's past ships in interviews and that's all he's really required to do.
It's honestly baffling how bummy stans continue to play the victim and continue to try and come up with all these reasons for why they think Oliver is a bad person for not supporting their ship and Lou. The reality is b/t was never meant to last. Oliver knew this and didn't want to lead anyone on. It's also very likely that Lou didn't get along with the cast especially given how they went out of their way to say goodbye to Callum and there was nothing for Lou. Not to mention Oliver very deliberately leaving Lou out of his photography spoke volumes.
I also think Oliver saw at least some of the drama online this year both from b/t stans and from Lou and it made him less likely to engage with that part of fandom. Bummy fans spent a not insignificant amount of time this year saying terrible sometimes racist things about Ryan and Eddie (like telling Ryan he should have finished the job when he talked about his s*icide attempt). Ryan is clearly someone that Oliver cares a lot about so if he saw any of this I'm sure it didn't endear him to those fans. On top of that they continually pushed for a guest character, who was never meant to be anything more than a plot device in Buck's story to be a main character and have his own Begins episode.
I'm just really sad and angry that this is the kind of stuff Oliver is having to deal with. Buck's bisexual journey should be this amazing positive thing and bummy stans have repeatedly tried to warp it to be their way or no way. I just really hope that Oliver knows there are so so many of us who love him and appreciate all the work he's done.
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ABOVE ALL THINGS
SUFFERING,
GLORIFIED
#one of my fave shirts#went to a park today and it was so nice!#finished shooting my first roll of film <3#lyrics are from an unreleased song 'in hell there are no hands'#i want to start uploading more of my photography#i think i overdid it today#i'm in a lot more pain now#it was so fun though#such a nice day#my brain is scrambled so just imagine these things all connect together lol#me#did i ever make an outfit tag#i don't remember#oh well#southern gothic#the urge to tag in the modest fashion tags to start to filter out the terfs but also not wanting terfs to interact lol#big sign like !!! QUEER FORMER SEX WORKER I DRESS THIS WAY TO SPITE GOD NOT PLEASE HIM !!!#lmao#modest fashion#modest dress#if u dress modest and ur not a terf /swerf hiiiiii <3#and just for the record i don't think dressing modestly for religious reasons is bad#far from it i think it's great do what you want & what you feel called to#i just think the idea that there's a moral biological imperative for ALL people/afab/women/etc is shitty to enforce#yk?#anyway these tags got away from me lol#i need to take a nap
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I am re-experiencing the catharsis that comes with reading recovery fics where max either regularly visits nathan in rehab or max finds out she's doing group therapy with him or max meets nathan like five years into the future after they both sorted through their own shit and they get closure and become better people and maybe bond over photography
#mine musings#i just think. nathan should have gotten help and max should also get therapy#and they should meet to give each other closure or whatever after everything that happened#opportunities to change his future like the max has given to other characters (regardless if those timelines never persisted anyway)#anyway i just really don't like how nathan was treated in the game 'cause ummm he's sick he needs help SO bad and there's zero ways#to give him that AND have the audience experience a moment of relief when he gets it#'cause i mean if max does let chloe die it's technically possible nathan gets court-mandated rehab but like. the player may never know#anyway also also i think post-canon they both still love photography but like#nathan was also modeled/photographed without consent and helped in the dark room#max rewound a lot through photographs and got nosebleeds and trauma#so. i think for a while post-game they don't necessarily have the best relationship with their favorite art/hobby#can't believe i'm back in my caulscott bullshit but thankfully the sense of me and vibrance exist
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Facts about in-game Yuu (Twisted Wonderland):
NOTES:
This is an ongoing list and will be updated with new information. I'm not caught up w/ chap 6 and I'm not very perceptive. This list is so long because of all the people who commented/sent asks, so thank you Last but not least, some of these might be a stretch/be slightly incorrect so bare w/ me plz :] More Yuu facts [ ONE / TWO ] <- not mine
They've been good friends with Heartslabyul ever since Book 1.
They're forgiving/don't hold any bad blood with the people who've overblotted (at least on the outside).
According to the Harveston event, they can play the flute.
They don't like mentioning that they might return to their world (Deuce's Wishing Star vignette).
Many people consider them a "goody-two-shoes" (Leona, Ruggie).
A good listener.
Based on Malleus' interactions with them, Yuu talks to him a lot more off-screen as he states that he values their opinions.
Loves Grim to hell and back.
It's implied that Yuu invites Malleus over frequently enough that he visits unprompted.
They can be snarky and brutally honest when they're pushed into it.
Comes up with stupid plans that nobody believes will work but it somehow does.
They're insecure about not having any magic.
They want to be able to help their friends.
Has a sense of self-preservation.
Does not actively seek out danger (*cough* om mc *cough*).
They've cleaned up Ramshackle since living there, however, it still looks "abandoned & ancient" on the outside.
Crowley doesn't give them more money than "needed".
Silver states that Yuu is good with swords (PE Uniform).
Both Jamil and Silver seem to think that Yuu is somewhat weird/strange.
They don't know much about mushrooms (Floyd's Camp Vargas vignette).
They're very patient.
Used to be afraid of ghosts until they got to Twisted Wonderland.
They adapt to new/difficult situations quickly and calmly.
They don't complain much.
Very much so the silent type.
The audience doesn't really see anyone helping them out with their situation, so I assume they fix most of their problems themselves.
They don't have any memories of the Great Seven before coming to Twisted Wonderland.
Fluctuates between being observant and not noticing really basic stuff.
Doesn't hesitate to say cheesy things.
Keeps calm in harsh situations.
They know how to play a blowing horn (White Rabbit Event).
Good with instruments.
Not a very good singer (NRC Uniform).
It's implied that they have high stamina.
They're interested in horseback riding and wants to play soccer with Sebek (PE Uniform).
They recommend a few books to Sebek, implying that they read in their free time.
They're short in comparison to Floyd (he calls them Shrimpy).
Grim comments that they're shorter than Vil.
Crowley mumbles that Yuu looks effeminate.
They're a bit of a romantic since they seem to often ask about love stories/fairy tales (Epel & Jade chats).
They have a habit of poking, tugging, tickling and just touching people in general. This is proven through the Home Screen character interactions, so their love language seems to be physical touch.
They get scared easily but is bad at scaring others (Halloween voice lines).
Vil notes that their uniform is baggy.
Malleus says that Yuu has gotten better at dancing (Masquerade Event).
It's implied that Yuu is good/decent at cooking since they have to make meals for both themself and Grim every day.
Yuu is decent at basketball (Ace Halloween).
Deuce remarks about a tiny piece of furniture in Ramshackle and asks if it's for Grim, meaning Yuu makes small furniture for him.
They're a good photographer.
Takes part in photography competitions (Rook Port Fest).
It's implied that Yuu carries their ghost camera everywhere because Crowley constantly makes them record events.
It's said that the game cards are actual photos that Yuu took with the ghost camera. [I don't know if this is true but a lot of people have said so]
Most, if not all the characters tell Yuu to hurry up when choosing a class, which suggests that they're indecisive.
Ace, Deuce and Cater tell Yuu to relax during classes or else they'll run out of energy.
Jack says that he got tips from Yuu while he was working in Monstro Lounge, implying that Yuu might've worked in customer service before (Book 3).
According to Grim, they have a hard time saying no to people, but when they absolutely need to-- they're very serious and a bit intimidating. "You're a real sap sometimes, you know that? Then again, when you bare your teeth it's no joke."
While they won't say no to helping others, they prefer to keep to themselves and avoid drama.
Yuu is sometimes a bit distrustful of Ace and thinks he's tricking them if he offers to do anything nice (2024 Player Birthday Greetings).
It doesn't take much to make them happy. (Deuce & Idia 2024 Player Birthday Greetings).
They became nervous when Riddle invited them to a salon for their birthday. Riddle response saying "I'll be right there with you, and will instruct you in etiquette every step of the way."
They're competitive in class-- at least when it comes to Jack (2024 Player Birthday Greetings).
They took chess lessons to try and beat Leona in a match (2024 Player Birthday Greetings).
For their birthday, Yuu asks Azul to get something that's supposedly hard for an average collector to acquire.
They're surprised when Kalim gifts them a pop-up card for their birthday.
They own a pair of fingerless gloves (gifted by Epel).
They personally invited Vil over for their birthday party and made sure to have healthy food options for him.
Not very close with Idia.
Owns a glass tumbler that reads 'Happy Birthday!' (gifted by Ortho).
Lilia gives them a CD with his screamo performances.
They were gifted so many presents on their birthday that they had trouble carrying the gifts around. (Malleus 2024 Player Birthday Greetings).
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst wonderland#twst disney#disney twst#twst yuu#twst mc#twst x reader#twst x yuu#twst x you#twst fluff#twst angst#twst fanfic#twst imagines#twst hcs#twst headcanons#twisted wonderland imagines#twisted wonderland x reader#twst crack#twst incorrect quotes
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gatekeep gorgeous
tldr: just pot the photos? tf? a/n: sorry i've been MIA. life, ya know? also, what should i call this series? i'm still at a loss for names partner privilege passenger princess barbeque, baby
jeonghan crossed the room, calling out, “coups, i have a question for you.”
seungcheol turned to look at his friend, “what’s up?”
“why didn’t you post those photos i took of you the other day on your instagram? they looked really good and i was pretty proud of my photography skills.” jeonghan crossed his arms and waited for an answer, watching his hyung sputter to try and come up with some kind of excuse.
seungcheol was caught off guard by the question. “i just–”
jeonghan interrupted, “don’t even try to tell me they didn’t look good, because i know they did.”
“they just didn’t fit the vibe of my page right now, maybe i’ll post them later. save them for a rainy day, you know?” seungcheol was trying to lessen the awkwardness.
jeonghan narrowed his eyes, not believing his answer, but not invested enough to argue, “whatever, they would’ve gotten so many likes. i’m sure of it. you should post them sometime.”
“i know, thank you for taking them. they are great photos, i’m just not ready to share them.”
“cheollie? are you sure you don’t mind?” you looked up at him from his chest where your head rested.
he paused the movie playing on the tv in your bedroom, confused, “mind what, baby?”
you sat up and looked down at him where he still lay, a little frown on your face, “you really don’t mind not posting those photos jeonghan took of you? they’re so nice and i feel bad asking you to let me keep them to myself. but sometimes i feel like i have to share so much of you with literally the entire world and i just wanted to be selfish. but i’m starting to feel really guilty about it and–”
“whoa, baby,” he interrupted your rant, sitting up to look at you better, “there is no reason for you to feel guilty. I don’t mind not sharing those photos if it makes you happy. you do share a lot of me, something i’m so thankful you put up with. so if you want to be selfish and gatekeep some photos of me, i don’t care.”
your frown lessened, “are you sure you don’t mind? i know your instagram is important to you and your image. if you want to post them, you can. i don’t mind.”
he took your hands in his, “i am one hundred percent sure i do not want to post them. you are more important to me than any instgram post ever will be. keep them, those photos belong to you as far as i’m concerned”
you beamed at him, “thank you cheollie. i love you.”
“i love you more, baby.”
#seventeen#seventeen imagines#seventeen fluff#svt#seventeen scenarios#svt x reader#seungcheol#choi seungcheol#seungcheol imagine#seungcheol x reader#seventeen seungcheol#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol imagines#seventeen drabbles
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Hard & Soft: An Explanation of Light
I was watching a video from one of my favorite tech YouTubers, Mr. Whose the Boss. He was showing off some of his favorite tech and pulled out this tiny LED light.
And then he placed a diffuser on the front and said this...
"You can equip a softbox on the front which *massively* softens the light on your face."
Sorry, Arun.
No it doesn't.
I sometimes wish I could get a job as a YouTube lighting advisor. So many creators have to set up and use professional lighting but very few actually have an understanding of how their lighting works. And with just a little knowledge they could up their lighting game big time.
If nothing else, I could stop the plague of ring lights.
Ring lights are my nemesis.
*shakes fist at ring lights*
Arun repeated a classic myth. Diffusing a light does *not* make it softer. And despite the name, a softbox is fully capable of producing hard light. Especially if it is only the size of your granddad's wallet.
I'm afraid softboxes are a bit misnamed—much like how the tremolo system on a guitar is technically a vibrato mechanism. Tremolo is a fluctuation of volume, not pitch. Personally, I just stick to calling it a whammy bar because that is more fun anyway. And, like, what does "whammy" even mean in the context of a guitar? I'd rather call something by a nonsensical name than an inaccurate one, ya know?
What the hell was I saying?
SOFTBOXES!
They should probably be called "light homogenizers." Which is a mouthful, but more accurate.
Or, hear me out... WHAMMY BOXES.
Froggie Note: I am trying a color coding technique to help make the most important information stand out. Red means PAY ATTENTION and blue means "do your best to remember this." Let me know if this is helpful or annoying or if a different color combo is preferred.
Hard Light vs. Soft Light
Hard light is a less flattering light source that creates high contrast, sharp shadows, and accentuates texture.
Soft light is a more flattering light source that creates soft shadows and reduces texture like pores, blemishes, and wrinkles.
You can *only* get hard or soft light by changing the apparent size of a light source from the subject's point of view.
If you remember only three things about light, they should be...
Bright light = sharp photos, less noise Hard light = small light source Soft light = large light source
Now, it's important to remember that hard light is not *bad* and soft light is not *good*. In photography, the oft-used parlance "flattering" just refers to the rendering of facial features and blemishes. So you might use a more flattering lens to make sure faces do not distort or a more flattering light modifier to reduce wrinkles.
But there are situations where soft light can be very boring and hard light can be much more dynamic and interesting. But if you have someone who is insecure about their skin or has a lot of blemishes, you can mitigate that by making the light softer. But if you have someone with great skin and a lot of angular facial features, you might use a hard light to show that off.
Which of these do you prefer?
The one on the left was taken with a 7 foot diameter light source and is *very* soft. But the other had a 1 foot diameter and I think it is more dynamic and interesting.
You can also mix hard and soft light. And with something like a parabolic reflector or a beauty dish, you can even modify a light source to be hard and soft at the same time.
This technological terror of a light modifier is sort of like having 24 individual small lights around the edges but the entire surface of the reflector also acts as a single large light source.
And when it isn't atomizing Alderaan, it is taking photos like this...
This creates a falloff of light around the edges of her face, nose, and arms while also reducing the intensity of the shadows. Lenses with longer focal lengths prevent distortion of facial features but also flatten our faces. So a modifier like this can bring back dimensionality.
Neat!
Now I just need $8,000 to buy the Death Star light.
There are a ton of possibilities when it comes to modifying light sources, but most people typically want the main light on the subject to be in the realm of soft and use hard light sources as edge lights.
Also, everything is a spectrum and light is no different. There is a giant space in between hard and soft to play with. In fact, the hardest light possible would be cast on a subject floating in space.
And the softest light possible would be on a planet that has 100% cloud coverage that still allows sunlight to scatter through.
So, I have determined the surface of Venus to be the most flattering light in the universe.
Look at how dark and sharp that astronaut shadow is! And I'm sure Venusian photography would be quite popular if you wouldn't burst into flames.
On planet Earth, noon on a clear day would be the hardest light and a very overcast day would be the softest light.
How can the sun be both hard and soft light?
Well, the sun is quite large, but it is very small in the sky and very far away. It is the only thing humans can observe that is close to a "point" light source—the smallest light source possible that shines light equally in all directions.
But on an overcast day, sunlight scatters through all of the clouds and becomes a HUGE homogenous light source. The clouds become a singular giant light above us. And as you can see, the light is so soft the woman does not have a hint of shadow on her face. And shadows can draw attention to pores, wrinkles, blemishes, and other textures.
But wouldn't the smallest light source be a laser or something?
When photographers refer to a small light source we mean from the perspective of the subject being lit. This is referred to as apparent or angular size.
But you also have to account for the size of the area the light source can illuminate.
This is the area a laser can light up.
And this is the area the sun is able to cats cast light upon.
It doesn't matter if a laser is close or far away, it focuses light onto a very small area. But the sun lights up half the planet. So look at imagine the apparent size of the sun in the sky and compare its size to half of the Earth. In that relative circumstance, the sun is a super tiny light source.
And the sun becomes an even tinier light source on the moon because there is no atmosphere or clouds to scatter and enlarge it.
You can change the apparent size of a light source in two ways...
The physical dimensions of the light and the distance from the subject.
A light with small dimensions can be a large light source if it is close enough and if the subject is small enough. So a flashlight could be a large light source for an ant if that flashlight is directly next to said ant. But a flashlight could never be a large light source to a human.
However, we can enlarge small light sources with modifiers.
A modifier can be a softbox. It can be a piece of paper. A large poster board. A wall or a ceiling. Anything that changes the nature of a light source can be a modifier. But not all modifiers increase the size of a light source.
So, you can take that flashlight, shine it on a wall, and reflect the light to make a giant light source capable of producing softer light.
But what you cannot do is put diffusion material directly in front of a flashlight and make the light it produces softer.
When Arun put that diffuser on the front of that tiny light, he was not making the light any bigger. He was only making the light more diffused.
What does diffusion *actually* do?
Diffusion scatters light. It makes light bounce in all directions and keeps it from being focused. And while this is an important aspect to making a light source larger, it does not change the apparent size of a light source on its own.
Diffused light is homogenous.
A homogenous light source has the same intensity across its entire surface area. And that homogenization is the key to creating a better soft light source. It can *assist* in making a light source larger, but only if you know how to wield that diffusion properly.
When you shine a flashlight toward a wall, you increase the apparent size of the light source.
Fantastic! You now have a softer light. Mission accomplished.
But if you do not diffuse it, you will create a hotspot.
That bright hotspot will reflect more light than all of the other light reflecting off the wall. That reflected light has different intensities across its surface area and you end up creating TWO distinct light sources—one hard and one soft.
This can sometimes be desired if you want to create graduated light that falls off like I showed earlier. But if it is not controlled well with a specialized modifier a hotspot can cause more problems than benefits.
This can reveal unwanted texture, double shadows, cause harsh glare, and it may not achieve the desired amount of soft, flattering light you were hoping for.
However, if you diffuse the light from the flashlight before it hits the wall, the light will scatter and reflect off the wall more evenly. You will create a more *homogenous* light source that acts as a single entity of light.
Diffusion does reduce the overall intensity of the light, but that is usually a worthy trade off for the increased homogeny.
These pesky hotspots are actually a big problem with those cheap softboxes you can buy off Amazon.
Many of them do not have enough diffusion to create a single homogenous light source. So they end up with a hotspot that gives you that double light source effect.
I was able to fix this with my friend Katrina's softbox by adding a layer of tracing paper in front.
You can see the chip clip holding the tracing paper in place on the right side.
Photography is just problem solving all the way down.
A higher quality softbox will have a second layer of diffusion already built in to prevent this, so make sure the softbox has this feature before buying.
Or invest in a roll of tracing paper and some chip clips.
Softboxes are an ingenious light modifier when built properly. They take a small light, diffuse it, enlarge it, and then focus it toward your subject. It's essentially a paradox of scattered & focused light. And since all of the scattering only happens *inside* the softbox, it gives you great control over how that light hits your subject. And you can focus it even more by putting a grid on the front.
This keeps light from "spilling" off to the sides though it can reduce intensity a bit and create unusual looking catchlights in the eyes.
Whereas a cheap shoot-through umbrella kinda "shoots" scattered light all over the place and causes a ton of extra reflections off the walls and ceilings. That may end up giving you unwanted second, third, and fourth light sources contributing to your exposure.
You can see light hitting the left and right walls and the ceiling—those pesky photons are going everywhere! And while it is giving a soft, flattering result due to that umbrella being so freaking big, you have almost no control over the light and how it affects your background.
So, yes, a softbox can make a small light source bigger, but that doesn't always mean you will get "soft" light.
This softbox takes a 10 inch LED panel and creates a 12 inch light source. This is mostly a scam product.
The marketing says it makes the light softer.
And while that is *technically* true, I'm afraid people are going to be disappointed if they think this thing is going to dramatically soften their light. A small increase in surface area like that would only be dramatically different if you were lighting a little toy car or the hypothetical ant friend I mentioned earlier. Something the size of a person is not going to see a difference in softness. Not to mention you are going to decrease the power of your light by adding diffusion and have no softening benefits.
Photography gear companies love taking advantage of new photographers because the desire to buy more gear to improve the quality of photos is quite strong. This is jokingly referred to as G.A.S. or "Gear Acquisition Syndrome." And while there is absolutely gear you can buy to improve your photos (lights, lenses, tripods), knowledge trumps any piece of gear at any time.
So, no, this scam softbox will not make the light appreciably softer. The only way to make this light softer is to find a softbox that enlarges it more than 2 friggin' inches, bounce it off something larger, or bring it closer to the subject. Move your light as close as possible and you will enlarge its apparent size.
Or, conversely, you can move your light farther away to make it hard.
Meaning you can technically make a softbox a hardbox.
Seriously, can we just do the whammy box thing?
So, what have we learned?
Soft light is more flattering to skin and reduces texture and harsh shadows.
Hard light increases contrast, sharpens shadows, and highlights texture.
Neither is good or bad. Soft light can be boring. Hard light can be interesting. A mixture of the two often produces the best result.
The only way to make light softer is to enlarge the light source.
You can enlarge a light source by...
Increasing the physical dimensions with a modifier.
Moving the light closer.
Reflecting the light off a larger surface.
Diffusion alone does not make a light softer.
Diffusion makes a light source more homogenous by mitigating hotspots.
Softboxes create homogenous light that you can direct and focus.
A softbox can still produce hard light if it is really small or really far away.
We should call it a whammy box.
How can you use this knowledge?
Well, the first thing you can do is...
DON'T BUY A RING LIGHT.
YES, I AM RANTING ABOUT RING LIGHTS AGAIN!
That giant hole in the middle of your light is a great spot for extra light.
And as we just learned, a larger light source is softer. So unless you specifically need a ring light and know how to use it (facial close-ups, camera goes in the hole), you are better off getting the biggest light you can fit in your space.
Look at how much bigger this light is than if it were a ring light.
It's like all of these influencers are throwing perfectly good light into the garbage.
Sorry, let's try this again.
Once you avoid ring lights, how can you use this knowledge?
I know a lot of you reading this are not influencers or YouTubers or photographers. And you may be thinking all of this knowledge I just shoved in your dome is useless.
But here's the thing...
We all take photos.
And I think we all want our photos to look their best.
If you start thinking more about light when you take photos, I promise you will be able to improve their quality.
If you are taking a selfie, think about where you can go that has a larger light source. Perhaps you have a large window. Or you have a big overhead light or floor lamp that shines up into the ceiling.
I actually had this idea to create a mega light that could blend in with a house's decor, but secretly be a photography light for taking pictures of people and pets indoors at night.
Secret Photography Light Ingredients Cheap Floorlamp Dual Light Socket Adapter 9000 Lumen LED Bulbs
(Seriously, if you put that together, stick it in a corner, and turn it on when your kids or pets are playing, you will never have another blurry photo from inside your house unless they are going full zoomies.)
If you are outside on a sunny day, don't stand in direct sunlight.
Remember, THE SUN IS ACTUALLY SMALL, angularly speaking. Find a shady spot under a tree. Or put the sun behind you and face a big white wall so the reflected light smacks you in the face.
Walls are light sources!
The ground is a light source!
Remember that moon photo?
You were looking at the sharp shadow earlier because I drew your attention to the sun being a small light source.
But the surface of the moon... HUGE LIGHT SOURCE.
How do you think the front of that space suit is lit when the sun is behind him? Either Stanley Kubrick has a big reflector offscreen or the ground is a soft second light source.
If you can't make it to the moon, just wait to take that selfie on a cloudy day. I think overcast light is a little boring, but your skin will look buttery smooth without using those stupid Facetune apps.
You can also wait for good light. Sometimes sunset has some nice, soft directional light because it has more atmosphere to scatter, diffuse, and enlarge it.
If you are indoors, don't use direct flash on your phone. Never ever use direct flash if you can avoid it. But perhaps you are with friends and they all have phones too. Use one or more phones to bounce the flashlight off a nearby wall. Or open up a paper napkin and hold it just out of frame and shine light through it and diffuse it.
A piece of paper can even work!
Flashlight 3 feet away shining directly onto my face...
Flashlight shining through a piece of paper a few inches in front of it...
Flashlight shining through a piece of paper 2 feet away that is just out of frame...
I started with a small light source.
I then made the light source a little bigger with the paper, but the diffusion was too close and it created the dreaded hotspot of doom.
And then I made the light source as big as I could by moving the paper as close to my face as possible without being in the shot. This also gave the light more room to scatter and diffuse making it homogenous.
Froggie Tip: I was using a pretty powerful flashlight, so with a phone you might get better results *bouncing* the light off the paper rather than shining the light through the paper.
So, before you take a photo, just think about how you can make your light source bigger, brighter, and more homogenous and you might be surprised how much better you look.
ANYONE CAN DO THIS!
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As someone about to be 24 in a few months, does it really get better the older you get? Genuinely confused and wondering because I feel like everyday I'm dragging my feet to just catch up to my peers -Sun
I promise, it really does. Our twenties are rough. That’s our very first decade on our own! You’re just getting started. And your peers who seem like they’re miles ahead of you aren’t really on the same path as you — not any more, not like when we were all in school and we had the same things to learn and the same few years to learn them in, and someone else would tell us when we were through. Now it’s all up to you what comes next.
So all of the ones who have lovers now, or their own place, or a bank account or a couple of dogs or a sense of personal style — none of them are on the same paths either. One of them will raise three kids and then years later start again with two more and do everything differently, and the first kids won’t know how to forgive them for it. And the one going on to their second degree will realize ten years later that they really hate the field they studied for. And they’ll decide to drink less or work less and have to live with the quiet when they slow down, and they’ll move in with their lovers and learn they don’t know anything yet about what they want in love or how to get it. Everyone starts over, over and over again. It’s not a race, it’s a rhythm.
But maybe you really are spinning your wheels and you don’t know how to get traction. How’s your depression? I needed meds, not the anti-anxiety meds they recommended me but proper adhd meds that took years to get. I needed my own space too. I needed new ideas. How kind are the people around you? Do they think good things about you? Are they constantly in crises? Does hearing them stop you from hearing yourself? I had to leave my hometown. I had to unlearn a lot. If you can’t leave, can you find one new person? One quiet place to think? One new author, one new song that’s angrier or lovelier that you can dance to at night or sing to yourself through a long day?
Did things get bad when you were still a kid? You might need extra time with the part of your mind that got stuck young and scared. Somatic therapy is really good. Music helps, and green space, and time working with someone who needs your company — kids or animals or older patients. Most schools and hospice programs need helpers. Making things for yourself helps too — trying until you learn what you like to write or eat or plant, not because it’s mature but because it’s yours.
And maybe you’re actually quite good at some things that you haven’t noticed because they feel easy to learn. How’s your photography, your writing, your memorization, your patience with small kids or spreadsheets or cleaning the little corners of a place? Maybe you don’t know; maybe it’ll take time to find out. If you’ve been diagnosed with anything like neurodivergence or chronic pain, the nearest town to you might have a vocational rehab center that’ll work with you to find your strengths and work you can do.
Anyway, I’m proud of you. You’re looking for hope. There is as much that’s good in the world as all the bad, and some of it is near you. I hope you know you belong here and we need you.
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actually, I DID have gender dysphoria as a teenage girl without being exposed to anything about it on the internet, on top of "racial dysphoria" and body dysmorphia
there were points I DID want to kill myself because i wasn't, or bleach my skin or change my body, i would have done anything to be a white boy at one point
which is both sad and funny to me because i remember two of my then good friends explain being enby and transgender to me and me being like "that doesn't make any sense" and it's because of trans-discourse we eventually broke up. the closest i ever got to accepting trans-ideology was transmedicalism with weak support for "queer" culture. i did not understand pronouns, but i understood dysphoria. but i did not understand how one could be a man or woman without the sex characteristics.
how did i heal?
one, i left church. that was one of the places i was most scrutinized for my physical body. two, i distanced from my parents, especially my mom. who often made my ocd and body-image worse (not because she was mean, but because she was always fretting about "decency"). three, i focused on bettering my personal space. writing, reading, watching my comfort shows, getting the focus off me. four, i started eating better, and my body became less burdensome. i stopped getting horrible period pain. five, i surrounded myself with self-confident women and stopped trying to resurrect toxic friendships with girls and boys (especially boys). started eliminating each toxic friend and focusing my efforts on healthier relationships. six, i'd started educating myself on my own history, watching and listening to more black and African people. even when i didn't enjoy what they made or resonate with it, i found i appreciated the experience and could allow myself to hate or love whatever i found.
by the time i discovered radical feminism, this was like, the final step for me: consuming women-centric literature and media. this was HUGE. i'd see paintings and photography of women in all shapes, colors and sizes. i'd listen to master musicians, read women philosophers, anthropologists, etc. this started mending a lot of what caused initial disquiet when it came to my dysphoria or dysmorphia.
basically, i took myself out of bad environments (especially those which force you to scrutinize every detail about yourself, like social media, i took long breaks from that), drew boundaries with people i couldn't get rid of, learned about myself (ocd, dyscalculia, anxiety, female biology) so that i developed understanding and could empathize, stopped centering men and white people.
now, while there's still a hint or trace of dysmorphia and dysphoria, it doesn't plague my life. it's like the occasional itch. more of a mild temptation to go down a dark hole than an actual threat. and i've learned how to handle those.
i learned the root of things. not just my history, but the root of how society worked and how it affected me. and i'm still learning, and my life is still improving.
so yeah, girls and women going through this is normal and common. anyone who is used to who they are being shameful is more at risk (like gnc lgb kids), but you can recover. usually better if you get out of the places that are making you sick.
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── ˙✧°📷 TORN PICTURES AND FROZEN LENSES 5
────୨ৎ────
College Photography Teacher!Jungkook x Student!Reader
27 year old, stupidly handsome asshole teacher Mr. Jeon has absolutely no human decency, he believes your victim complex is what keeps you from ever achieving anything, letting people use you as a bridge. When something unexpected happens, the ice starts to melt as a foreign word called "empathy" enters his egocentric lense. Maybe he will finally manage to teach you a lesson now, since you keep failing his class.
(Mini series)- Episode five!
Song recommendation: white Mustang- Lana del rey
Content: Cold, mean, distant, unprofessional Jungkook, hurt, stubborn reader, enemies to lovers, lowkey dramatic, accident happens, mutually beneficial relationship (emotionally), Jk learns a lot from her, Jk is mean but has a soft spot for reader (eventually), 6 year age gap, Reader is from a struggling background, Jk kind of rescues her, happy ending, angst at first, fluff, smut, comedy/crack, bickering, college setting, brief hospital setting
Warnings: swearing, name-calling,mentions of an accident involving a biker, mentions of hospital, mentions of injuries, really mean Jungkook, i promise he gets sweet, mentions of trauma and abuse (non detailed), mental health struggles (semi detailed), arguments
Sexual content: (light) praise kink, (light) size kink (lmao next episode bout to go crazy with that one), oral; fem. receiving, chest play, making out
Taglist: @bts-iris @kaeysv @khadeeeeej @rockstryoon
────୨ৎ────
Another day, another night spent on the couch of Jungkook, watching some sort of show with him, munching on dinner he cooked.
He got used to cooking for two.
Its been a week,
A week that turned into a week and a half.
Still no calls, no places, no friends to crash at.
Not even Taehyung, his fraternity house is much worse than just staying with Jungkook.
Not like it bothered you, Jungkook is comfortable, he has a cozy apartment with enough space for two people.
Growing borderline nice from day to day.
His little gestures like buying two of the icetea he drinks, like changing the sheets if you had class the days he hadn't, cooking jjajangmyeon without onions because you hate them.
It was easy to get used to his routine, to bicker with him daily, to sit next to him when he works on his lesson preperation, while you study for your classes.
Sleeping in his shirt, doing your laundry in his bathroom, and accidentally stumbling across his calvin klein's.
It felt intimate at times, like living together was more than just that.
Tonight is different.
Tonight would be your very first party.
After a whole week of persuasion, Taehyung talking your ear off about how fun it was, how many people you could meet, how you could dance your heart away.
You decided, fuck it. One party.
"To be clear, I'm NOT drinking and i swear if you touch me, Taehyung, I will actually strangle you" loud and clear, your boundaries set while you're on call with him. Taehyung called you at 10pm as you were peacefully watching "Running man" with Jungkook, at first you shut off the call.
Until another followed by another call coming through.
"Just come on! once! One single time" he begged, Jungkook's jaw clenching at the voice from the other end of the phone.
He simply can not stand Taehyung, the way he devours you with his eyes, the way he talked you into doing things you don´t normally want to do,
like parties.
In desperate need of social contacts and having some serious fun, a party doesn't sound too bad anymore, Tae would keep his hands off, now that you told him to.
"You're seriously going?" Jungkook asks once you end the call, his eyes stern and burning through you, judging you almost.
"Yeah. You can enjoy a night to yourself again, I won't get back late, I promise" you smile at him, already thinking of what to wear from your very limited selection of clothes.
He scoffs, pressing his lips together.
"What? Got something against it?" your head tilts, a playful smirk on your lips.
His eyes move away from yours and back to the flashy TV screen.
"Just not looking forward to having to pick you up wasted, possibly having to push off some jerk to even get to you" his tongue presses the inside of his cheek, not making eye contact with you. A strong hand is rubbing his thighs that are spread on his couch, while the other one moves through his hair, lifting his arm enough to see his well defined triceps.
A part of you hopes that he was jealous, that he hated the thought of you making out with some college jerk, just like you hated the thought of making out with anyone that wasn't him.
There was nothing left to confront, nothing to deny.
You have a crush on Jungkook, on your photography teacher that you live with.
Maybe it was the intimacy of living with him, but the racing heartbeat in your chest, the pertruding smile on your face whenever he smiled too, even if slight, even if to make fun of you,
The throbbing between your thighs when he speaks in his sultry, low voice. The way his hair is messy most of the time, how his muscles flex when he's working, his groans of frustration, making you wonder just how he could sound if he groaned more. Your thoughts when he drives with his skillful fingers, the way he licks his lip piercing when he's focused. Having to surpress the thoughts of what happened, almost happened, when you were both drunken by the burning alcohol.
All of it is impossible to ignore, to talk yourself into believing it´s nothing.
Every inch of him, of his habits, it made you flaunt for him. Wishing that instead of his shirt, it was him, sleeping next to you peacefully.
Looking at him ever so often, hoping to catch him looking back.
Even taking longer in the shower when your wandering thoughts get accompanied by your wandering hands.
It is wrong, it is so wrong because he's your teacher, because the goodness behind his hard exterior helped you through your own mess in life.
And yet, you find yourself going out to party away the thought of him, only to return back to him the same night.
"Don't worry kook, I'm not drinking. You won't have to pick me up, just enjoy your night alone" you make your way into the guest bedroom to change.
"Am not worried, you're old enough" he grumbles as you walk away.
Of course, he wasn't worried.
Until he's stuck in his living room, pacing around.
He glances at the clock, 2:15 am, still no text, still no doorbell.
Originally, Jungkook wasn't going to do anything special, just watch Tv and cook something nice for a midnight snack.
You had left the house at half past ten, in a pair of black low waisted cargos and a tight fitting crop tee. Black as well, matching your shoes too.
Simple, comfortable, not too revealing.
Not that he would have cared if someone saw you in a revealing outfit,
That's what he likes to believe. In reality, he would have probably come with you if you did, glaring at every guy who dared to look.
The thought of you not answering his text because of being drunk somewhere or being in bed with a guy you had just met made him sick.
"I'm not letting you walk back at this hour. Call me when you need me to pick you up. And don't start arguing over this"
Sent at 11:39, over two hours ago.
Left on delivered.
He sits back down, sighing and deciding to call over his best friend, turn this into a boys night.
You are out partying, probably having fun with other people, why shouldn´t he?
Dialing the familiar number, it rings briefly before a voice deep answers the phone.
"JK! what's up bro?" Mingyu greets
"I'm good. My student left so i thought i'd ask you to come over? Haven't hung out in a while" Jungkook humms while checking the pantry for any snacks.
"Your little girlfriend left? Miss her so much you gotta make your best friend keep you company?" Mingyu laughs loudly from the other side of the phone.
Naturally, being Jungkook's best friend, he knew about the night that you almost kissed. Ever since then, he's been teasing him about it. Pissing him off by insisting on calling you his "little girlfriend".
"Fuck off gyu, could´ve just said no asshole" he scoffs, ready to hang up the phone.
"Don't get so butthurt Jk, she's getting you soft already. I'll be there in 20. Wanna go to a bar?"
He ignores the other comment,
"Nah, I'll go pick her up later. Stop by to get some snacks" he replies casually.
"Alright. Where did she go by the way?" Mingyu just noticed that Jungkook hasn't mentioned why you weren't at his apartment tonight.
His scoff was enough response that could be heard on the other end of the call,
"A fucking frat party"
Mingyu chuckles, thinking up a cheeky reply, but he was too slow.
Jungkook hangs up the phone, waiting patiently for a ring on his doorbell, not sure if he was still waiting for you or Mingyu.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
"You'e insane Tae" you shout through the blaring music, barely able to hear the sound of your own words against people screaming and a bass stronger than any drug that was being done around you.
There were many of those, openly at that.
"Is that good?" He shouts back, grinning.
The party is as expected of a frat house party, about sixty college students running around the large apartment, a pool, many couches filled with girls and all of that jock stuff.
Bottles flying around in the kitchen which you found yourself standing in right now, all types of alcohol and cocktail mixes in bowls, what ever is them no one really knows.
Clothes seem basically optional here, most guys are running around shirtless, most girls running to the pool that´s a few feet from the huge glass sliding door around the corner, wearing either underwear or nothing at all.
Taehyung thankfully being clothed.
He did, as usual, have a stupid thought. Thinking it was a great idea trying to outdrink his friend that you had just met,
And already hate.
Jackson, a tall football player who's shoulders are as huge as his ego. He, like the rest of the guys, is shirtless, covered in hickies that wrap all the way around his neck.
Apart from the fact that he's made out with four different girls that all called him some variation of the word 'baby',
he has also been eye fucking you since you first saw him
To which Taehyung is oblivious to, or has been ignoring.
Still, he promised you not to leave your side throughout the entire night, as well as making sure you don't drink, like you had said you wouldn't.
"What? Think I can't win?" He says again when noticing you silently judging him.
You roll your eyes, hands throwing upward to express just how ridiculous he's being "Not about winning, it's a stupid idea. I'm not gonna pick your ass up the floor"
Taehyung laughs in return, throwing back his first shot, to which Jackson follows
"You won't have to"
Jackson smirks, "nine more to go Tae"
"Easy buddy, gonna kick your ass" his voice sounding cocky, already on his way to pour the next shot of vodka.
"Sure you don't want a shot miss goody two shoes?" Jacksons eyes wander to your cleavage,
Eyes are up here, you think.
"Sounding like a broken record at this point. No drinks" you scoff at him, grossed out by his shameless behavior.
In order to distract yourself from the situation, your eyes wander around the apartment, looking for anything interesting.
People making out left and right, no matter if "Va Va Voom" or "Fe!n" played, no one cared who was looking, what lyric was blaring.
It made you cringe inside when you spotted a guy grinding against a girl you knew from Piano lessons, right next to two guys taking molly.
Never going to a frat party again, you think.
Upon first arrival, it was really fun. Tae was dancing his heart out with you, making small talk with some people here and there. You could engage with them as well. Soon enough, he started drinking, making himself tipsy within a couple shots and a beer.
By then you realized you would end up having to look after him at the end of the night, not the other way around.
While you came to make friends, it was practically impossible. Sure, amaybe small talk. Sadly, it always led to the same outcome:
Every girl coming up tried to get it in with Tae and glared at you for being with him or was too drunk.
Meanwhile every guy either tried to get you to drink, tried to touch you, to which Taehyung did push them off immediately, or was also well, way too drunk.
So much for making friends, i guess.
Noticing you have been zoning out for a while, your eyes glance back to the guys in front of you, leaning against the counter.
Wondering how many shots it has been since you last looked.
Both set the small, empty shot glasses on top of the surface.
"Six. Four left to go Tae" Jackson looks relaxed, flushed out a bit but definitely stable, definitely not tipsy yet.
Taehyung on the other hand was slurring his words, a drunkenly hazed smile spread flat across his flushed pink face.
" 'course man. Bring it on"
Shaking your head, you ponder if it was even worth staying still.
Time is truly a weird thing because just when the thought was finished, the words "I´m leaving" at the tip of your tongue,
The guys have already taken another shot, the 7th one back to back.
Tae opens his mouth to speak, presumably about to brag,
" s'easy Jacks-"
but, he can't finish his sentence due to gagging and quickly covering his mouth with his hand.
Of course.
You wince at the sight, Tae stumbles back fast, running and making his way to the bathroom on unstable footing.
That's to not leaving my side tonight, i guess.
A few minutes with Jackson would be fine, you suppose. Tae would be back soon enough.
"Come on princess, take a shot too. Loosen up a bit"
His steps approach you as he talks, his voice sounding like a little devil, waiting to convince you of his foolish plans.
You laugh a small, annoyed laugh,
One hand running through your hair as you talk,
"How many times have i told you I'm not drinking?" unamused, as you look him up and down
But he steps one foot closer, finger grazing your arm maliciously, bringing shivers to your skin at an instant.
"Come on, you need it. Let me give it to you princess, now that Taehyung is gone"
Instinctively tug your arm back, ready to scream in disgust.
But his grip only tightens, a whole palm wrapped around your wirst now, trapping you in his hold as he squeezes.
Angry and scared all at once, you shout at him, the sound coming from the bottom of your throat.
"Fuck off, i told you im not interested"
The pop music playing betrays you, drowning out your screams, reducing it to a hopless yelp.
Filled with rage and mentally cursing at Taehyung for being careless, your eyes flicker to the way which he had left, only to find it filled with everyone but him.
Jacksons arm swiftly moves to grab your hip as he steps closer, his other hand making its way to your waist. He leans down, breath close enough to make every single hair stand up on your neck.
"Fine, if you wanna act so stuck up, hope you know how to swim bitch. Might pull out the stck from your ass"
Before you could process what words had left his mouth, you were lifted up over his shoulders as he ran out the glass door.
no no no no no
A second later you are submerged in the cold water of the pool, splashing loudly,
Not failing to catch everyone´s attention.
The reality of what you had dreaded surrounding you as your mind runs miles.
Muffled you can make out people shouting, the water drowning out the sounds ever so slightly, dimming your lights.
Shutting out any other thoughts.
Fuck.
Helplessly, your arms move, trying to fight your way back up.
Gasping for a breath of air once your face had finally poked out from the greedy water below you,
A laughter breaks,
And another one,
Soon enough it felt like the whole campus was laughing at you, calling you pathetic.
When you manage to climb your way up to the surface completely, holding on to the rim for dear life, you hadn´t yet fully grasped what was going on,.
Everyone else on the other hand had, phones recording your smudged, drenched face and hair, clothes clinging to every nook of your figure, working hard to drag you back down by the heavy weight.
Weakly you pull yourself out of the pool, the sound of laughter still humiliating you, along with Jackson proudly walking off inside the party again.
Probably searching for his next victim.
Absolutely petrified and fucking freezing, you run back to the kitchen were you had left your bag minutes ago. Ready to find Taehyung and get the hell out of this mess.
Minutes before you were thrown in a pool on your first and certainly last frat party, being caught on camera on top of everything.
While pushing through people, you do happen to spot Taehyung,
on the couch,
making out shirtless with a girl that, not surprisingly, Jackson had made out with tonight as well.
That must have been your very last straw, he had not even gone looking for you, not even thinking of why you might be gone.
The dam holding back tears of embarrassment and frustration breaking, evrey single tear you had in you beginning to flow down your face, merging with the chlorinated water that´s already coated along your entirety.
Grabbing your purse and running out, you call the only person you knew to call.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
"FUCK YOU GYUUUU IM WINNING" the XBox Controller tightly clutched in his hand, hunched forward to stare at the screen that lights up his dark bedroom, Jungkook's voice rings through his apartment.
Fifa is not for the weak if you play with Jungkook.
"JEON JUNGKOOK YOU FUCKER" Mingyu screams back, slamming the controller down on the teachers bed.
He lost again, 5th time in a row. There is truly nothing that Jungkook can´t do, it seems.
"Mad huh? Mad?" he laughs, punching into his best friends arm jokingly, a wide and proud smile provoking every one of Mingyu´s nerves at once.
The moment is caught off by his phone ringing, interrupting Mingyu in the middle of trying to deck Jungkook straight in the stomach.
He picks it up, reading your name on his bright screen.
Mingyu, as curious as he is, listens for any words he could make out, planing to use it for teasing Jungkook later on.
Only to be met with loud cries and hics,
"Jungkook please come get me, something horrible happend i wanna go home please pick me up, please come get me, ah fuck" you ramble through sobs, not being able to think straight.
Jungkook's eyes soften at the noise, his eyebrows meeting together as worry washes through his body.
He looks at mingyu who seems equally as worried.
"Hey hey hey, it's okay. Just send me your location, it's okay, i'll drive fast" while he says this, his body shoots up, tucking his phone between his shoulder and face to put on a jacket and gather his keys in the meantime.
Mingyu stands up with him, rushing to put on his own shoes and jacket.
"Thank you, thank you" you mumble again, trying to tap your phone through blurry vision, barely managing to hold it together any second more.
The sounds from the other end stop, his phone slipping back in his pocket.
"Fuck gyu i might end up in jail today if someone fucking touched her" he groans, jutting down the stairs with his best friend following.
"I'll bail you out. Want me to tag along? Might need some help" he asks, wondering what could have possibly made you this upset.
So does Jungkook, thinking of the worst possible situations, a pang of guilt running through him.
Should have come with her, he thinks.
Jungkook shakes his head, "No no, thank you tough. I don't want her to feel unsafe, she might not wanna see anyone right now" his thoughts continue running ballistic, from going to hold you and reassure you that it is okay, to strangling who ever made you sob, made you sound so scared.
Mingyu smiles, "Take good care of her. You care about her a lot, that's good" he pats his back, before making his way down to his own car while Jungkook unlocks his.
Sitting down and scrambling to turn the engine on, he drives as fast as he can through the thankfully empty streets, keeping an eye on your live location in anxiety that it would move.
When he finally spots you, crying messily, squatted down next to a random building, his car pulls over.
Having to fight back the urge to cradle you, wipe all your tears.
Sure, he had seen you upset before, seen you hurt after something and usually, he'd be annoyed,
Having to muster up some empathy.
Not this time, not when you were falling apart in the cold, in the middle of the road.
There was nothing put empathy in his system.
Jungkook runs out of the car, crouching down in front of you, his eyes scanning your figure.
He notices your entire body shaking, clothes clinging to you, soaking wet. Once his eyes move up your face, he sees your wet hair sticking to your face with eyeliner running down to your jaw.
Eyes red and lips trembling.
"Y/n what.. what happened" he reaches forward to set a hand on your arm, his thumb stroking your cold skin, hoping to provide any warmth.
Every thought of beating up the person who had brought you to this state leaving him,
All he cares about when seeing you so fragile is wanting to make you feel okay.
Your voice comes out broken, wiping your tears with unstable hands. Even in the dark of the night, you could make up the worried expression on his face.
You felt ashamed, embarrassed to have to call him, to make him see you like this.
The look on his face earsed every trace of feeling pathetic before his eyes,
Knowing you were safe now.
He had never felt so angry and devastated combined, desperately he wants to stop your tears. Longing for anything that would return you to your usual self.
"home please i, i will tell y-you later"
Jungkook nods, standing up as he signals you to stand up as well.
Holding on to the wall behind you, you get up, only to stumble forward. The cold on your wet skin is too much, the wind pushing you back to the ground,
contributing to your already triggered state of mind.
It is all too much.
His strong arms catch you from falling to the floor, wrapping around your own shivering ones.
"It's okay. Can i carry you inside? Don't want you to fall" his eyes scan for any reaction, any indication of you being even slightly uncomfortable.
But you trust Jungkook, you needed him right now.
So you nod, looking back at him with a noticeable look of appreciation.
Gently, one of his hands move to wrap around your shoulders as he crouches down slightly. His other arm wraps around your thighs, delicately swinging you in his arms bridal style.
The water is dripping on to his own clothes, but he doesn´t even feel it at all, he doesn´t notice how your tears trickle down to his shirt when you try to hold up your head.
How your hair was whipping against his chest with every step.
The way he touches you is sweet enough to erase the marks of disgust left on your skin by Jackson's filthy hands.
Slowly he walks to the car, ducking his head and back to open the back door without having to set you down.
The crying has stopped out of pure exhaustion, although the comforting smell of Jungkook's clothes did contribute a fair amount.
He has begun to feel like home.
His arms reach forward to lay you down in the backseats.
"Try to relax okay? Im gonna get us home fast, it's gonna be okay" he mumbles, stroking your arm reassuringly as he let's go of you.
You don't manage to react in any way, even if your heart had swelled up in your chest.
Jungkook jogs to the drivers seat, making his way inside the car again.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
The whole ride was completely silent. Not even the usual humming habit of Jungkook sounding in the car.
With your back pressed on the seats in the back your eyes are pried open, red and burning from the make up and salt on your face. You´re thinking of blocking Taehyung and never wasting a word on him ever again.
Almost blaming yourself for giving in and coming to the party in the first place.
The car comes to a hold, the familiar street greeting you when you sit back up to look around.
Jungkooks eyes looking at you from the mirror, releasing a breath he had held for way too long.
Thanking himself internally for keeping your vow of not drinking.
He gets out, walking over to open your door and sticking a hand out to you.
You look up at him with the weakest smile he had ever seen, admiring you for even being able to muster up any smile at all.
grit your teeth sometimes and keep going, he had told you back in the hospital.
Your own hand clasping into his, heart skipping a beat as he pulls you up.
His hand never left your own until he had opened the door to his apartment.
He didn't need to ask this time, knowing you would take his hand.
It made him melt when you did.
"I'm gonna get you clothes okay? Sit down on the couch" the words ring in your ears wonderfully, feeling thankful for his help once again.
As he disappears into the guest bedroom, you run your hands down your face in disbelief.
Being thrown in a pool and called a bitch for rejecting guy was not your bucket list, ever.
Coming back with a hoodie and one of your sweatpants as well as socks, he sets them down next to you.
"Thank you kook" you mumble, looking to the floor in sheer embarrassment.
Jungkook had seen you in situations you didn't even know where possible.
"Don't worry. Im gonna get the hair dryer and make up wipes, just say something when you're done changing" his hands reach down to stroke your shoulders.
At this point you knew,
you knew that Jungkook had fully embraces you into his life.
The way his eyes look at you with no sign of the stern glare he still mingled with until now. The way his voice is rough but reassuring, the way his hands keep touching you in an effort to make up for the hurt on your face.
He locks himself in the bathroom, pulling out make up wipes from your cosmetic bag and gathering up the caple of the dryer while you sit on the couch, slowly changing your clothes into warm and dry ones.
Looking at himself in the mirror startled him.
Not even Jungkook could really recognize himself,
Sharp features of his reflection staring back at him with worry, asking himself if you felt okay on his couch right now.
"Done" you shout out, still choked up from the loud sobbing previously, throat itching slightly from the cold.
The door opens once again, walking to you before plugging in the dryer. He sits down, immediately looking at you.
"Here. Take your time okay?"
"Okay" your fingers reach to the wipes, erasing the traces of the ruined make up that you had put on beautifully hours prior.
A pathetic attempt to trust in people that had let you back down again,
Cruel world.
Turning own the dryer, you start combing through your hair softly, finally filling your freezing head with warmth.
Finally making your entire body as warm as the presence of Jungkook.
Silence returns to the room as the device turns off.
"Can i.. tell you about what happend?" wandering to gaze to his soften features, he nods, smiling briefly.
You take a deep breath before mustering up the courage to tell him about the party.
"Taehyung introduced me to this football player who tried to get me into drinking multiple times. He was shirtless and he was super provocative"
He continues listening as your voice becomes weaker.
"They decided to compete in drinking ten shots but Taehyung was already tipsy. And i- Fuck i told him not to. He didn't listen and at the like, 7th shot? He was gagging, stumbling to the bathroom"
You sigh, nervously recalling the events that felt so surreal now, your eyes finally moving to his. Catching him glint at you with nervousness himself.
"He fucking promised me not to leave me alone and- and and then he did and that asshole he-" by now tears are brimming back at your eyes, unable to let out the words in a straight line.
"He fucking touched me and when i told him to back off he called me a bitch and threw me into the pool. Everybody was laughing fuck, Jungkook people were recording it. It was so fucking- it was so"
You stop, aggressively wiping tears from your face, a scoff pained it's way to the surface,
"So humiliating. Even worse, Taehyung was making out with some chick when i managed to get out the pool" your voice is a bit more stable again, angry at the memory.
Resenment is a stronger emotion than sadness in this moment.
"Motherfucker. Both of them. Motherfuckers" Jungkooks eyes turned dark, glaring at the sound of what you went through.
You laugh a small laugh, "I know"
He inches closer to you,
"I'm gonna get them suspended. What was the friends name?" His expression is serious, determined of making them feel it.
You shake your head slowly,
"No don't- please don't go through all that effort okay? They won't make it long anyways"
He glares at you too now, before catching himself doing so, revoking it and replacing it with a neutral expression.
"Don't let them walk all over you. At least that football guy, im getting his scholarship revoked, what he did was assault. Please let me do this for you"
His voice is stern, he isn't asking.
And you knew he was right.
".. Jackson. Wang, i think"
He huffs, "He can kiss his degree goodbye. I'll find something to make em. Promise you. I might just strangle him myself if I'm being honest" he sighs, his hand rubbing his forehead in an effort to not snap and drive back to party.
A soft giggle can be heard inside the suffocating sphere of the living room.
He looks back up at you,
"What's so funny?" a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips,
You giggle again, focused on the way his lips look when trying to hold back a smile.
"You. Seeing you so worked up. I like it, makes me realize this friendship may not be that one sided after all"
He groans in response, leaning back against the couch and tilting his head to look back into your eyes,
"It took me carrying you to my car to make you understand that i care about you?"
Your heart jumping at the admission,
His eyes widen slightly as he hears himself admit to it, but he tries to conceal it.
Play it off like he isn´t surprised himself.
"Letting you live with me for damn near two weeks wasn't enough, huh?" His elbow digs into your side,
But you can't react, stuck on the fact that his teeth are lightly digging into the side of his lip, biting it softly.
Eyes wandering to his torso that is leaning back on his couch, his lap looking so inviting.
Only now noticing how close he is next to you.
It's his turn to chuckle now,
"Would pay to know what's in that pretty head of yours right now"
Another breath caught in your throat, eyes shooting back up to meet his,
They are ranking over you entirely,
Watching your every feature, studying you as if you were a piece of art in a gallery.
His flirty tone making it hard not to just risk it, crawl into his lap and tell him how you feel about his stupidly handsome face and his annoying way to care for you.
"Shut up, you're saying nonsense" your eyes roll to distract from the fact that you were caught red handed, shyly turning your face away from his form on the couch.
"Answer the question idiot. Did it seriously take this long for you to get it?" his voice is soft, sincerity laced beneath his words.
A long sigh makes it's way out of your mouth as you turn to take the same position that he's in, tilting your head to meet his eyes once more.
The moment is precious in a way, his face is so close you could count the moles on it, but just enough space not to loose any and all control.
"I'm not sure. I mean, i guess i knew you kinda cared, but, i think i mostly tried to gaslight myself into thinking you like me as a person and don't just see me as some sort of charity case" you laugh gently, keeping eye contact with him as you talk.
Although the words you're speaking are truthful, they aren't the full extent.
His heart clenches a bit when he thinks about it,
"Charity case? Fuck no, i mean" he pause, playing with his lip piercing,
"I guess it took me some time to get used to caring about someone else like this, living together and shit but i do like you. I find you annoying and obnoxious at times, and you still suck at photography, but i do like you, you're a good friend" his hand moves through his pretty, dark hair, trying his very best not to look down at your lips.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to hold back.
It was now, just now that he became aware too,
Aware that you weren't just a friend, roomate or a student to him,
That his feelings, his thoughts and urges weren't some sort of strange hormonal reaction.
Still, he hoped that saying it out loud would convince him that you are, indeed just a good friend.
He can´t help but notice how bothered he is by it.
You nod, almost disappointed at the way he ruined his lovely speech with three simple words.
a good friend.
"How nice of you.. thank you tho. No really, i, i appreciate you. You're.. a good friend too, Jungkook" you bite your lip softly, wishing for him to just move away or say something mean to lessen the tension.
He allows himself to look once,
Locking his eyes with your lips, noticing the small blush forming around your face.
It makes you look irresistible, naturally beautiful.
"You know I'm a liar, right? That i say a ton of things I don't actuallly mean?" his eyes are focused on your lips now, his voice almost breathless as he feels himself getting lost at the thought of you.
You scoff, chuckling softly right after,
"Absolutely, it's ridiculous, actually. But you know, i learned not to take every you say too seriously" your arm makes it's way to hit his chest playfully.
He laughs briefly, holding your wrist against his chest.
Eyes locked on your lips, just as he had feared they would.
You could practically feel your heart breaking out of your body,
Moving your palm to lay flat against his chest, you allow yourself to touch an inch of what you've been wanting to feel for so long.
"Well i just lied to you again. You're.. fuck. You're not just a friend"
The air in your lungs leaves you hanging completely, a breathless, thoughtless and emotion driven voice answering him
"I swear if you're playing with me right now I'm gonna-"
There was no time to finish your sentence,
In the blink of an eye, his hands are on your face, cupping it,
His soft, dreamy lips on your own.
There wasn't any time to process either as he pulls back briefly, just enough to whisper against your lips,
"You talk too much, and I'm not good with words"
As soon as the last letter leaves his lips, they are back on yours.
The way Jungkook kisses is as you had imagined, possessive and dominant, he needed to guide you.
Needed you to understand that he likes you,
Way more than just a friend.
Finally registering that he's actually kissing you, that this isn't one of your fanatsies, you kiss him back.
Your own lips moving softly against his, earning a small groan from him.
Melting into his kiss even further, the urge to hear his pretty sounds again overtaking you completely.
The strong hands that held your face in place move now, pulling you closer by your hips.
It makes you hum into the kiss,
Allowing him just enough space to lace his tongue in with yours,
Gently but firmly he keeps kissing you.
As infatuated with him as you are, you follow his every lead, moving in sync and savoring every single second.
Lips developing a mind of their own, Jungkook being the only thought.
By now, he is resting his large hands on your hips, shifting to pull you closer once again, sitting you on his lap,
One knee on either side of his hips, both your hands pressed firmly against his chest.
The way he pulled you to straddle him made you gasp lowly.
He smiles into the kiss, clearly affected by the way this conversation had gone,
By the way you react to his touches.
Naturally, your arms wrap around his neck, allowing your hips to rest on his, he hums in approval, gripping your hips and tightly and securing them in place for him.
Before you can wonder what all of this meant or where it was leading, he pulled back again, this time enough to get a full view of your flustered face.
At first, he doesn't say anything, making space for insecurity to creep up into your brain,
Apparently he can look into those too.
"To be clear. This means something to me. I'm not kissing you just because you looked fucking irresistible, but because i like you, i like you way more than I should. And if you don't, then you better tell me now"
Once again, his pretty face doesn't match his stern words, he's nervous.
You could tell by the way he licks his piercing, nibbling on the small metal ring.
If it was even more possible, your heart swelled with affection for him, desperate to tell him what you had felt for so long.
"I like you too. I like you way too much. Wasn't it obvious? I wanted this for so long"
Without wanting to waste any more time on things you could discuss later on, your head leans back down to kiss him.
He groans much softer this time, his hands ranking up to your sides, feeling them up slowly.
He needs to touch you, feel you, kiss you everywhere.
Just like he had imagined for long now, chopping it up to feeling touch starved.
But the words urge out of his mouth,
"I guess that means you're mine now" he mumbles against your lips in a sultry voice, the heat of the moment becoming far too much.
This wasn't just out of hormonal instincts, both of you could feel it.
A smile latches on to your lips, forcing you to stop kissing him for just a second
"Possessive, i see.. but i want to know much more about you first kook" your reply is sheepish, well aware that him calling you his was enough to turn your underwear see through.
He hums again, placing a hand on your cheek, stroking his thumb against it as his eyes move to your lips.
"I'll tell you everything you want later, let me keep kissing you first" his thumb drags down to your bottom lip, stroking it gently as his pretty brown eyes fixate back on your own ones, looking for resistance.
"Kiss me then" was all it took for him to close the gap once again.
Your arms unwrap around him, moving in anticipation when they reach the hem of his shirt.
You tug on it gently, asking for him to remove it.
He groans once more, "so eager" slips past his lips when he makes enough room to take the shirt off,
Revealing what must be the most beautifully, carefully carved person you have ever laid your eyes on.
His tattoos reach up to his shoulder, you've seen it before but it's even better when you get to touch them, carefully trace the lines with your finger tip.
His chest is firm, a broad set of shoulders that make his small and very well-defined abdomen look even more sinched.
The sight is truly breath taking, your hands caressing, touching everywhere they can.
He likes to think that it doesn't phase him, but the way his body shivers makes it undeniable.
"Done staring, doll?" he asks, the nickname sending a wave of pleasure straight through you as he tilts your face back up to look at his.
"Mhm.. you're just really hot" you can't help but giggle, finally being able to touch and kiss him, it makes you giddy.
Finally being able to utter out all your dirty thoughts, even if it embarrasses you.
He rolls his eyes, sneaking his hands teasingly under your hoodie, caressing the soft and bare skin of your stomach.
A low moan follows his movement, you attempt to kiss him but he smirkes, leaning his head back softly.
This time you whine, having already guessed that he's as much of a tease as he normally is too.
"You sound so desperate. Want me too take this off hm?"
You only muster up a small nod, in no time the hoodie is thrown somewhere, forgotten easily by the way his eyes sparkle when landing on your chest.
Roaming over your chest down to your hips, taking in every inch as his hands reach to grab them.
In one swift motion, you're tucked beneath him on the couch, his shirtless figure hovering over yours, veiny hands resting on your stomach, softly touching his way upwards.
"Just tell me to stop if you don't want anything" he's considered, gentle in the same way that he's demanding.
"Will do, but right now i really need you to continue"
He smiles, leaning down to kiss you again before moving to kiss down to your neck, softly burrying himself in it.
Hearing you moan and gasp was enough to make him lose his mind, make him want to give you absolutely everything you could ever ask for.
"Feels.. nice.." your hands play with his hair, holding the back of his head firmly against your neck.
He bites your neck in response, one of his hands moving to cup your chest in it, squeezing and groping firmly.
He keeps kissing, licking and gently sucking at your skin, trying to learn about every spot that made you moan a little louder.
Once he's satisfied with your neck, a short kiss is placed on your lips.
His head trails down to your chest, kissing from collarbone further south.
"You look even prettier than i imagined" he mutters against your skin, lips in the space between your breasts, kissing and sucking carefully.
"I-Imagined?" you manage to say between soft moans, to shy to let out what you really felt.
Your teeth biting down on your lip so hard it could have made an imprint.
He chuckles against your skin,
"Mhm.. many times doll, driving me insane with these pretty sounds, keep making noises" his voice is deep, underlined with desire.
"f-feels so good.." your whines filling is request instantly, feeling his lips wrapped around your breast as the other one is being gently cupped and squeezed, making you feel blissfully satisfied.
He switches sides after a couple more seconds, your eyes focused on his hand that looks so large compared to you.
However the sight of his bare and definitely well toned, broad back peeking out made you feral, needing to touch him too.
So you do, moving to wrap your arms under his, touching his back carefully as sinfully sweet noises come out of both your lips.
His lips move from your chest to your own, both of his hands groping your chest, moving and brushing over your spots carefully, hitting ever sensitivity.
He lets go of your chest just as he lets go of your lips, his hands making their way down to your waist, wrapping around and securing you in place.
Jungkook´s beautiful dark eyes can't seem to leave your body, licking his lips before planting gentle open mouth kisses down your stomach, nibbling at the skin every so slightly.
"Can i take this off?" his tattooed fingers playing with the hem of your pants, teasing and tugging beneath it with a sly smile on his face.
"Yes please" almost pathetically quiet you answer him, desperate for him to touch you, to make you see stars.
He nods, pulling down your pants to reveal white lacy panties beautifully placed over your core.
Jungkook doesn't like to waste time, so he moves his hands up and down your thighs while kissing your hip,
"So soft" purring against your skin, his lips move to kiss your thighs, hooking one arm gently under one leg, spreading them open. His kisses become more passionate which each one, kissing and nibbling the inside of your thighs,
Dangerously close to where you wanted him to be right now.
Your hand wraps around his soft curls once more, gently tugging, making him groan.
"Doing so well doll, i know you're desperate, so needy. Gonna give it to you yeah? Ask nicely" the way he sounds right now, raspy and gentle, the way he uses the nickname that rolls beautifully off of his tongue, it is enough to make you whimper.
Close to being speechless, you stammer out softly, needing him more than anything.
"Please kook.. touch me.. please eat me out, fuck this is so embarrassing" your hand untangles from his hair, both of them meeting to cover your face.
A small laugh can be heard before he moves his own hands up, prying yours from your face by your wrist.
He scans your face, your slightly parted lips inviting him to a kiss once more.
"Don't hide pretty, sound so good when you're this pathetic and desprate. Gonna give you just what you asked for"
He hooks his arm back under your thigh, the other one holding you by the knee. Letting his eyes wander down to your core for just a moment, he takes in the sight of your soaked underwear, basically transparent.
It made him twitch in his pants,
Knowing that he has just about the same effect on you as you do on him.
He presses a kiss your still covered clit, tongue poking out to lick over it, pressing the fabric to your skin.
It doesn't take long for him to move his tongue down to your entrance, licking slow stripes across and using the tip of his tongue to push the fabric into your slit a little bit.
It fills you with excitement and frustration,
"Please stop teasing me.. please" your whines are much louder now, annoyed that you're so close to finally feeling the relief you need.
Finally knowing how it feels to have him touch you.
He groans softly, quickly pulling the panties down to your ankles before latching on to suck on your clit.
The feeling is euphoric, nothing compares to seeing Jungkook's pretty face burried between your thighs, his lips wrapped around your clit as his tongue gently darts across it.
He moves his tongue down, caressing your thighs with his hands, tasting every drop of arousal spilling out from you.
His body is filled with the need to feel your every reaction, touch where ever he can reach.
The tip of his tongue pushing into your hole ever so slightly, before moving to lick back up to your clit.
Ever since he started you haven't stopped moaning, softly rambling about how good he feels.
"Look so pretty.. fuck it feels so- so good.." your voice trails off into a whimper, the knot in your stomach tightening with each lick, his soft groans only intensifying the pleasure.
Helplessly your hips buck into his face,
he takes it gladly, humming in approval.
"You'll take a finger won't you doll?" he says as his pointer finger is already circling your entrance, ghosting over it.
As a response, your hips buck up again slightly, moving both hands to grab his shoulders, nodding furiously at his question.
"Words. Will you take it?´´ he repeats, his tongue returning back to licking your folds once he finished speaking.
"Yes, yes, yes will take it"
"Good, very good" he pushes his single digit in without any further warning, sinking in until his knuckle stops him, immediately pumping in an out.
"So fucking small doll, only my finger and you´re suffocating it, so greedy" the vibration of his low purring only supporting your approaching orgasm.
For a moment Jungkook allows himself to look at you, face fucked out completely, eyes weakly staring down at him,
Your mouth opened softly as gasps and whines leave your mouth.
It keeps him going to see you enjoy it, his finger speeding up as his licks become more firm.
The pleasure built up fast from that point, feeling like you would snap and come on his tongue and finger at any moment, clenching around it.
He moans softly on your skin when he feels it,
"Close? Are you gonna coat my finger with your cum pretty?"
"Jungkook- fuck yes, close. God, the way you talk is driving me insane" your legs pick up shaking again, fingers digging into his shoulders when your whole body shudders against him.
His voice, his hands, lips, face burried between your thighs, it all creats a beautiful picture, unforgettable.
"Come on doll, give it to me, let me taste it" his lips move to wrap around your clit,
Which is all that you needed to come undone under his touch, shaking and whimpering loudly.
He slowly retracts his mouth, stroking your thighs and gently moving his fingers to let you ride out the high, before removing it completely as you still pant from the pleasure.
Naked and slightly bruised chest moving heavily, clit swollen and throbbing.
He places a small kiss against your hip,
"Did so well, sounded so fucking pretty, taste so sweet"
You look at him wide eyed as he licks his finger clean, clearly enjoying every drop of your release he could get.
His hand reach down to your ankles, pulling your panties back up and kissing your newly covered clit one last time.
"Come here, calm down yeah? You on earth doll?" he chuckles in a cocky and low tone, pulling himself up next to you and placing a kiss on to your forehead.
The absolute aftershock and realization hitting you, immediately blushing the darkest shade of red and hiding against his chest.
"Oh.. my..god. what the fuck just.." mumbling against his chest he strokes your back and hair softly. A small effort to reassure you.
"No don't. Don't say it. I know what happened but.. i mean.. what.." you continue, not knowing how to act know, not knowing what to say.
Asking yourself if that meant you were his now, like he had said before.
"Well, you tell me. I said you're mine, you're the one wanting to know things" he puts one hand under your chin, lifting your face to his and pressing a kiss to your lips.
Although his eyes look neutral, his kiss is filled with care.
You smile against his lips,
"Fuck whatever i said, i can learn while being yours, if the offer still stands"
He scoffs, flicking your forehead once he pulls away from the kiss
"You're an idiot. Of course it does"
It was hard not to giggle when he's being so stupid after giving you the best orgasm of your life.
It's your turn to kiss him now, placing a small peck to his cheek and another one to his jaw.
His lips curve into a softy smile, "Come on, let's go to bed hm?"
Your head tilts at his suggestion, knowing full well that he's fully errect,
You can feel him pressed against you after all.
"But.. what about you?" he strokes your hair before holding your cheek in his palm, a cheeky grin on his lips.
"Don't worry, i don't really care for that right now, besides I don't want to tire out miss virgin Mary hm?" his hand moves down to your chin, squeezing your cheeks between his thumb and remaining fingers.
Instead of reacting, your entire body freezes, looking at him with an expressionless face.
"What? Think i couldn't tell? Come on, you were a mess from kissing, so tight around only a single finger doll. Not that hard to miss" he chuckles, kissing your forehead another time, all the while you wish you could disintegrate into the ground.
Sure, it might have been easy to tell, but did have to keep teasing?
"Oh my god you're unbelievable. Do you.. uh, mind that i didn't say anything?"
His hand moves to grab your hoodie that was surprisingly not far gone, tapping your arms to signal you to lift them up,
"No, i don´t. I get it, i mean, I'm not that experienced either and at my age that is kind of embarrassing to admit as well" he speaks carefully while slipping the hoodie back over you, moving some strands of hair out of your face.
You nod, smiling at his delicate gesture.
"I see, you're sure that you're okay?"
He rolls his eyes,
"Yes, I'm sure. Come on, let's go to bed, I´m tired, i know you´re too" he shifts, picking up his tossed shirt and your pants only to throw them on the couch when he stands up.
You´re still sitting, eyes moving down to the very visible bulge in his pants, straining them in a sexy and arousing way.
He snorts, waving a hand in front of your face before he grabs yours, pulling you up and leading you to his bedroom.
"Kook?" you ask him, a million questions running through your mind at once.
Everything that happened after the intimacy is so normal, almost thoughtlessly routine.
His presence being so comforting and complete to you, you did not even need to ask why you should sleep next to him, or if it was okay to do so.
"Yes?" he answers, pulling the covers on his bed back and stepping closer to hold you by your waist and staring you down,
A look of admiration on his face, his eyes practically screaming the words I love you
"So.. we.. uhm.. this is official now?" was somehow the only condensed version of all the thoughts you could gather together.
He smiles, lifting you briefly to lay you on his bed, climbing in to lay beside you, his hand immediately finding your face again.
"What does it look like? How many times do you need me to confess? Damn, im starting to think doll, that this gets you off" he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer to his warm body.
Your feelings for him intensifying in that very second,
"No, but i do get off on that nickname. And the way you're so touchy. Kinda cute" you scrunch your nose up, putting your arms on his body as well.
"Shut up. Sleep well yeah?" he says, tucking your head under his to stop you from seeing the shyness spread across his cheeks, accompanied by the smile visible in his voice.
"Sleep well, kook. but.."
"Oh my god what is it?" he groans, squeezing your body to show off his annoyance.
You giggle softly,
"Thank you. For saving my ass today and uh.. for, you know" the last words leave your mouth in a stuttered manner, too shy to speak out what you are referring to.
He scoffs playfully, "21 and can't say the word orgasm. Whatever, get used to it doll, gonna take care of you from now on"
Knowing it didn't matter how annoyed he was, nothing could take away the fact that you're falling asleep in his arms this very second.
It made both of your hearts melt.
#jeon jungkook#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook x y/n#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts fanfic#bts jungkook#redcherrykook#jungkook bts#bts fic
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I read something that you said Scud liked to be recorded and I’m actually foaming at the mouth at the idea of that because it’s so real. I NEED a fic for that. So glad I found someone with a Scud obsession as bad as mine
LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION
THE GOOD GOOD: FemDom!Reader x Sub!Scud, recording during sex, lots of teasing, and edging, bit of bondage, your much needed dose of pegging, and scud crying during sex, don't forget the hair pulling
GUYS I LOVE SCUD SO MUCH I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ANGEL
I'm really trying to get my drafts cleared out LOL hopefully sometime soon I'll have a big major posting spree and then I can start working on my inbox
I HAVE SO MANY REQUESTS AUUUGH IDK WHY I LET THEM ALL PILE UP SOMEONE KILL ME
The idea of Scud being recorded is still my favorite because I feel like he'd be so nervous under the lens, trying to hide from it and not be seen but he'd still end up looking like a slutty pornstar (my precious pornstar)
also scud in lace. its been on my mind for I don't even know how long at this point.
You sighed as you walked down your complex's dingy, dimly lit hallway, silently hoping that Scud wouldn't be too mad at you for coming home so late into the night. After all, you had told him that you would only be about ten more minutes, but that had been almost an hour ago.
Things got a little out of hand, nothing you couldn't deal with sure but it was quite an inconvenience. A short, fifteen-minute task had easily turned into a full job, one that included running around the shop looking for spare parts. With what you had learned from Blade and Scud, it didn't take long to find all the little pieces you needed, and even a reward for yourself.
"Scud! I'm back! Look at what was in the shop" You called out to him when you jingled your keys in the lock and swung the front door to your apartment open, eagerly kicking off your shoes as you toyed with the little camcorder you had come across, flipping through the random pictures on it. There was no clear indicator of who's camera exactly, but you had always loved photography, so just one day with it wouldn't hurt anyone.
There was no response to your voice, the apartment barely lit and quiet, soft thumping coming from you and Scud's shared bedroom. He was probably playing on his PS2 with his headphones in, loud music blasting at levels you’ve already scolded him for.
As you padded through the cozy living room, you pointed your camera at random things and took little cameos of them, making your way down the short and narrow hall towards the room where you could see some of the orange lighting spilling out through a crack in the door.
You approached, about to call out Scud’s name once again as the soft thumping faded into a rhythmic beat, a Lady Gaga track when you finally stopped short in front of the door, pushing it open a bit and poking your head through, combing hair out your eyes as your mind drew a blank, greedily taking in the sight in front of you.
Scud was in fact not playing on his game system, but rather prancing around the cozy room what he didn’t know was your very expensive lingerie set. An all-white, delicate full ‘angelic’ lingerie set. A satin ruffle top with a waist-high lace garter belt that clipped onto the white mesh fishnets, all paired with lacy underwear that had a large bow on the back, topped with a fair-sized opening that revealed a large portion of his dumb butt.
You had originally bought it to surprise your boyfriend a few months back, but you had both gotten so overcrowded with work that it slipped your mind, collecting a thin layer of dust somewhere you weren’t even sure where you had put it. Scud always got curious about your things when he was rocket-high, digging through things and asking a million and one questions. Now here he was, looking pretty as ever swaying his hips around in the bedroom, mumbling along to the current track playing.
You found yourself flipping the camcorder's small screen open and resting against the door frame as the device started to record, capturing Scud’s fluid movements as he obliviously danced around, brown curls falling sweetly in his face, and skin glowing orange from the multiple sources of warm light in the room.
He really did look like an angel, his broad body looking much more supple and soft, legs long and lean, hips wide and divine. A walking, talking piece of pure eye candy, reserved for your eyes and only your eyes. Guess this camera just found itself a new owner.
Scud spun around on his heels and toes, once, twice, before he stopped, eyes focusing on the small little red dot, flickering up to meet your gaze and feeling his entire exposed body heat up in embarrassment.
“W– Wha– How– How long– Hello– ” Scud sputtered, completely frozen in place as he stared at you.
You, who was now fully entering the bedroom, “Don’t stop now, I barely got any footage” placing your free hand on his small waist and dipping fingers under the fabric of the garter. A smile tugged your lips as you started taking in the entirety of your boyfriend's body up close, his skin soft and hot under the tips of your fingers. “Y– You’re re-recording me?” He knew the answer, but hearing it from you verbally just made a chill run down his spine, and his cock twitch.
“Does that make you nervous love?” Your fingers trailed up his scarred chest, brushing across the lose ruffled top and grazing his nipples, a small whine coming from Scud as he dipped down in order to hide his face, but you wouldn’t let him. “Look at me” You said as you lifted his head up by the chin, forcing his gaze onto yours.
Scud lightly whimpered, desire burning in his gut as you brushed hair out his face, fingers dancing along his skin. He felt exposed under the camera’s lens, so much of his raw and bare skin visible to the naked eye. Your gaze on his body made his cock throb.
“What do I always tell you about playing in my stuff?” You said in a condescending tone, teasing the tips of your fingers down his textured belly.
Scud shivered at your touch as goosebumps prickled his skin, a strained grunt coming from him as his face flushed. “N– not without mommy’s permission”
You slowly walk around him, taking in his full body in the set. “Don’t touch mommy’s things without permission. That’s a rule, right?” You murmur as you stop recording to take a picture of Scud’s ass, definitely filling out the panties better than you could.
“Yes…” He mumbles, and it almost comes out like a squeak. His cock aching with need and his stomach with embarrassment, heart pounding from a combination of nerves and weed.
You brush your lips against the skin of his shoulder, slipping fingers under the waistline of the lace undies. “So can you explain to me why said rule is broken?”
A whimper broke past Scud's lips as your fingers teased and explored his exposed skin, squeezing his hips and tracing scars. "I just– I just found it under the bed and didn't know what it was" Scud stumbled out, heart thumping in his chest as your hands covered more ground on his body, circling around to his back.
"Mhm?" You hummed, tracing your finger up his spine. He let out a moan as chills ran through his core, trembling under your touch as he could feel goosebumps explode across his skin. "Well, do you know what it is now?"
Scud nodded frantically at your words, "Yes! Yes– I know now" quivering as he spoke.
With one hand on his waist, the other still holding the camera, you guided him to the edge of the bed and pushed his upper half down onto the mattress, smiling softly to yourself as you eyed Scud's new position through the lens.
Click! Click!
The electric snap of the camera made Scud feel fuzzy and warm, slightly embarrassed, and very exposed. His skin was flushed a light red, some areas more blushed than the others. From where his cock was confined in the small panties, he was completely pulsing, throbbing with pure need in his gut.
"Do you also know not to break the rules?" You questioned, flipping through the few shots you had taken before moving your attention to the small walk-in closet, crouching down and reaching inside a box.
Scud whined into the soft comforter when you returned behind him, his socked feet barely reaching the rug between them. He could hear the small beep of the camera as you pressed your front to his bottom, a yelp coming from him when your palm made contact with his exposed cheek. "I asked, so answer"
"Y– Yes! Not breaking the rules is a rule" He whimpered, a shudder running through him as his skin tingled.
You smiled at his words as you caressed his side, squeezing his waist and hip slightly. "Good. Very good. So don't you think you deserve a punishment?"
Scud didn't respond, but he nodded his head, hiding his face the best he could behind his hair. You pushed the strands back and cooed at his cherry-red face, tiny whines coming from him as he squirmed under the camera's lens, jerking his hips slightly as he rutted against the edge of the bed.
Your hand made contact with his cheek again, a choked-off groan coming from his throat at your palm. "Words."
"Y– yes ma– ma'am..." He stuttered, trembling slightly with anticipation. It wasn't often that Scud got punished, even with as bratty as he was, so his cock was totally aching just thinking about whatever vile shit it was you were thinking about doing to him.
And you were thinking of doing some quite horrid things.
Teasingly, you ran your hand over the opening in his panties, prodding your finger at his puffy rim. A suppressed shudder traveled through him as his cock twitched, his hole fluttering at your air-light touch. You softly cooed at how needy he was, smiling to yourself as you single-handedly took off your shirt and tossed it on the floor somewhere to be picked up later.
From the box in your closet, you had pulled your strap set, a pair of cuffs, and a long vibrator that you had been wanting to test out for a little while.
Cuffing Scud's hands behind his back with only five fingers was a bit of a challenge, but an easy one. He squirmed a little as you did it, wiggling his fingers as his wrists adjusted to the new sensation of the cuffs.
You shuffled around behind him, cursing softly as you knocked a few things over before tossing a bottle of lube along with the rest of your toys, pressing yourself against Scud as you leaned down near his ear, breath feather-light and hair tickling his skin. His heart pounded in his chest, and you could hear his pulse in his neck thumping.
“Just how should I punish you?” You murmur, trailing your lips against his ear lobe and teasing the skin with the very tip of your tongue.
“Maybe I should spank you ‘til it hurts to sit,” You run your free hand down to his ass and give it a slap for emphasis, followed by a squeeze just cause.
“Or maybe I could tie up those cute balls and see just how long it takes for you to pop” You hum, nibbling on Scud’s ear and tugging it with your teeth until you dropped it with an idea lingering in mind.
“Or," You said as you pulled away from him. "I could just leave you here by yourself” You smirked, watching Scud’s face twist in horror.
“No! No– please no” He pleaded as he squirmed on the bed, hips jerking in a desperate search for relief, cock painfully hard and throbbing. “Need a punishment, need mommy to punish me” Scud blabbed, his body trembling as his eyes darted from your face to the camera's lens, his body coated in a thin sheen of sweat.
“But how should I punish you?” You teasingly coo, combing some of a Scud’s bangs out one of his eyes as you smiled softly at him. “I could smoke our whole stash right in your face”
Scud groaned, “Please don’t” squeezing his legs as arousal burned hot in his gut. “I’m really sorry mommy, I– I’ll do anything”
“Oh, I know you will. Just stay still for me ‘kay?” You pushed yourself back up to your full height, pausing your recording to swap out the camera for the bottle of lube, shaking it slightly before uncapping it and squeezing out more than enough of the clear liquid onto Scud's puffy rim, watching the shiver that ran through him as the cold sensation rolled down to his sensitive balls.
You scooped it up with your two fingers and easily slid them inside Scud, a soft moan coming from him as he clenched around you, almost instantly pushing back in search of more. "Such a greedy little hole, you just wanna be fucked so badly don't you?"
Scud whined and squeezed his slick walls around your digits, "Yes! Want mommy to fill me up so bad, need her so bad" rubbing his face against the soft comforter as he could feel it burning hot.
"Don't worry baby boy, we're gonna get you all nice 'nd full right now" You spoke sweetly to him as you picked up the camera with one hand and the vibrator with the other, resuming your recording as the toy harshly rumbled to life after the click of a button. Without wasting a second, you watched as the buzzing wand glided into Scud with zero resistance, pressing it directly against his sweet spot and causing him to loudly sputter, blabble, and cry out nonsense as the sudden vibration traveled through his entire nervous system, cock throbbing with the uncontrollable urge to cum.
Scud sobbed around his loud moans, choking out gasps when you started to quickly thrust the toy in and out, each hard bump to his now very sensitive prostrate only sent him closer to the edge, hands twitching and pulling where they were restrained as his body spasmed, heaving as his heart started to pound in his chest the harder and harder you fucked him, hips jerking down into the mattress as he tried to pathetically chase his rapidly building orgasm, a burning pleasure coursing through the entirety of his body before–
You swiftly pulled the toy out of him right as he was about to topple over the edge, a confused, strangled whimper tearing from his throat as his poor hole needily clenched around nothing, so full and pleased just a split second ago and now suddenly empty and crashing down from the way you abruptly ruined his orgasm.
“Sorry, my hand slipped” You mumbled, obviously not sorry at all as you teased his fluttering hole with the toy, capturing all your torturous movements through the little camera lens.
The cuffs rattled as Scud whined and squirmed at the contact against his sensitive skin, trying his hardest to push back onto the vibrator while also jerking his hips away from it. He was so high, so hot and sweaty as he heaved from where he was on the bed, shaking as you tauntingly dragged the toy up from his slick balls to his drenched rim, only ever applying the slightest amount of pressure.
It made him push his hips back in desperation, letting out a surprised yelp when you smacked him with the toy, tutting your lips as you shook your head, placing the camera down and positioning it to capture Scud's hidden face, forcing his head up by roughly yanking a fistful of hair.
He whined as a shiver ran down his spine, trembling as his eyes nervously darted away from the lens, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment at being recorded in such an exposed state. His cock was still painfully aching, whole body throbbing uncontrollably from your early treatment.
Scud made tiny little whimpers when you started to tease his hole again with the toy, his hips twitching as he tried not to jerk them back, desperate and craving to be filled up again. His gut ached with arousal, cock leaking painfully where it was confined in the small panties.
"P– Please fuck me, please mommy" He begged as you dipped your head down and started nibbling at his bare shoulder, teasing the skin of his hip with your fingers.
You blew on his ear as you ran the length of the vibrator up his slick crack, a keen noise pulling out his throat as his hole fluttered in anticipation. "Is this what you want pretty boy? To be stuffed like a dumb slut?"
Scud whined at your words, nodding his head and hiding his face shyly behind his hair, jumping slightly when you tightly gripped his jaw, lifting his head once more and dropping it to pick up your camera.
"You're so cute when you're nervous" You said to him as you smooshed your cheek against his, pointing the lens at the both of you and snapping a few pictures, Scud's face red and embarrassed as the flash flickered, electric shutter ringing in his ears.
Scud huffed slightly as his socked toes brushed the rug beneath him, kicking his feet impatiently as need and heat burned through his veins. He whined softly when you pulled away from him entirely, leaving the camcorder pointed at him to capture his facial expressions when you suddenly shoved the entirety of the vibrator back into him, a loud and shaky moan tearing from Scud's throat as the toy easily slid into him, almost yelling when it buzzed to life against his sensitive walls.
His hands curled into one another where his arms were stretched behind his back, yet immediately scrambled to wrap around your wrist when you trailed fingers up his spine, his fingers twitching and trembling as they latched onto you, incoherent mumbles leaving Scud's lips.
As you started to properly fuck him with the toy, quickly thrusting it in and out as he tensed up at the sensation, shuddering as his jaw went slack and he started to desperately yet sloppy push back against your movements, toes curling into the carpet as you shoved the vibrator right into his sweet spot, stars dancing in his eyes and coursing through his body.
"I bet that feels so good huh pretty boy? Gonna cum aren't you?" You taunted as you fucked him quicker with the silicone toy, watching the way he had started to twitch and squirm, his whimpers and cries starting to increase in volume. Scud tried to respond to your questions, but his words only came out as a garbled mess.
It earned a small laugh from you, pressing yourself up against him and dipping your head down to attack his neck, running your tongue over his pulse, and feeling his heart race under the muscle. "Didn't quite catch that" You murmured into his ear, slowing down your movements as you searched for Scud's sweet spot, a broken sob tearing from his lips when you found it. "Yes," He gasped, trembling underneath you as he heaved for air, clumsily stuttering out his words. "Wanna cum so bad, want mommy to make me cum"
Scud tugged and pulled at his restraints as he choked back cries, clumsily pushing back against your movements desperately as he chased after his rapidly building orgasm, babbling brainlessly. He could feel the buzzing sensation in his toes, all the way up to his teeth, it made his head foggy and his jaw go slack, not sure if the high he was greedily riding was from the weed or sheer pleasure, but it had him on cloud nine either way.
Each thrust brought him closer and closer, so close he could practically taste it. A needy, broken whimper came from his chest as his body twitched against you, small pleas starting to fall from his lips as his untouched cock throbbed from his burning climax, lungs running out of air as his body started to tense up, standing right on the edge and about to fall down face first when you yanked the toy right out of him again, Scud whining and basically sobbing in protest as his hole uncontrollably clenched down around nothing, heavy groans leaving him as his body struggled to recover from the way you completely denied him again.
"Oh Please, please mommy, please" Scud sobbed as his body felt so empty and used, desperately craving the relief that he needed so badly.
You shut the toy off and tossed it down on the bed, taking hold of the camcorder and stopping your recording, snapping a few pictures of how utterly destroyed Scud was, face soaked with his tears and drool as he weakly rutted his hips in search of any type of pleasure. He whimpered softly at the flash of light, feeling exposed and nude under the lens.
"It's okay Scud, you've been doing so well for me. Momma's gonna make you feel so good" You murmured comfortingly into his ears as you pressed a kiss to his cheek, pushing your body up off his and leaving the camera on the bed. Scud still whined out in protest as your body heat left his, leaving him cold and lonely. His heart started to soar and quickly pick up speed when he heard the familiar sound of your strap buckling together, small mutters and curses coming from you as there was a slight struggle.
It wasn't long before you reappeared behind Scud, this time pressing your cock against him. Anticipation sparked to life in his tummy as you dragged the silicone through his slick, unable to help himself from pushing back against you with tiny little sounds. He needed it so bad that his body was practically begging for release, involuntarily twitching.
Scud was so close to an absolute breakdown, whimpering and mumbling incoherently as you finally started to push in at a tauntingly slow pace, the lube helping to make it an easy glide and blissful stretch. His head dropped down onto the mattress as sparks flew up his spine, so understimulated that even the slightest of touch would probably send him tipping over the edge.
You readjusted your camcorder with one hand and the tightly tangled the other in his hair, yanking his head back up to be captured in the lens, giggling at the groan that left Scud’s lips. “Come on pretty boy, keep your head up for momma”
“Need– Need it–“ Scud started to babble, head totally clouded and overworked as he desperately jerked his hips, rocking them back and forth to get any type of stimulation at all, trembling like a leaf on a branch when he felt the tip of your strap finally, finally jab right into his tender and used sweet spot, knees buckling between him as he involuntarily squeezed your wrist tightly, nails digging into the flesh as the orgasm his body had been begging for completely took over, loud and broken sobs leaving Scud’s lips as his untouched cock throbbed and pulsated, cumming right in the lace panties of the lingerie set.
The fact that you captured that on camera almost made your mouth water, and you cooed at Scud when he went ragdoll in your hold, stroking his side to give him some comfort as he slowly came back down to earth. “Oh, you poor little thing. Did I tease too much?”
Scud could barely even muster out words, breathing into the mattress as his body twitched, small grunts and whimpers coming from him your hand in his hair kept his head upright and his face vulnerable, tears streaming down his reddened cheeks.
“Or, did I not tease you enough?” You murmured the question softly in his ear, moving to grab a fist full of hair from the front and gripping his cuffed wrists, yanking both backward as you took a step forward to shove the entirety of your cock into Scud, who could almost taste the pleasure coursing through him. A choked sob tore itself from his throat, eyes darting frantically between the wall and camera lens as it felt like pure heaven burned it’s way up his spine, hands twitching and curling in on themselves under your grip.
It was arguably the best he’s ever felt in days, weeks even. When you started to relentlessly and mercilessly slam into him, each thrust going right to his core and sending his eyes rolling into the back of his head, lips glossy and slick with spit as he drooled from the mouthwatering pleasure.
“You’re just so, so cute Scud. I can’t wait to watch our little movie over and over and over again” You said as you tilted his head to the side by his hair, biting down harshly on the flesh of his already bruised and marked neck, a shriek pulling its way out his chest as all five of his senses were at a complete overload, skin flushing a deep red when he felt your teeth blissfully break skin. It was all so overwhelming, the wet glide of your cock slipping in and out against his tender velvety walls was simply too much for his mind to be able to comprehend, hips jerking as his second orgasm built up rapidly, like a can of soda that had been shaken up and was just waiting for someone to pop the tap.
He heard the sound of the cuffs clicking off before he felt the fuzzy material sliding off his wrists, your hands finding his and intertwining your fingers together, pinning his hands down on the mattress to fuck him with all the womanly strength left in you, sending the silicone as deep and hard into your angelic boyfriend as your body would possibly allow for. Scud’s head involuntarily dropped right down onto the blankets, whimpers and broken moans tumbling past his lips as he tightly squeezed your fingers, so close to the edge that this time he really could taste it.
“Please momma, please, please– fuuck, please” Scud helplessly babbled, needily pushing back to meet your thrusts as he was so fucking close, so close that he’d almost do anything just to cum, not that there was much to do considering he was already crashing down the hill, just needing a few more rough thrusts of your hips before his tap was finally popped, an explosion of fizzy stickiness exploding right in his gut, his second orgasm spilling right into the already soiled underwear, seeping through and dripping down onto the floor.
Scud went totally limp where he laid face down on the bed, breathing heavily as he twitched and tried to come down from such an earth shattering high, whining softly when you pulled out.
Tiny kisses were planted all over his face, neck, and shoulders, you gently brushing his hair out his face and unsticking it from his sweaty forehead. “You okay?”
Scud nodded, with his eyes half-lidded and a content smile tugging at his lips. “Mhmm”
“Did you learn your lesson?” You asked, pulling the bra strap and letting it snap against Scud’s flesh, a small grunt leaving him as his skin burned. “Yes ma’am…” He grumbled out, feet dangling off the bed.
You smiled softly, kissing him right below his eye. “Good baby. Now let’s get you all squeaky clean and cozy for bed, then we can find a way to put our special show on the TV for only our eyes to see” You said with a hint of mischief in your tone, reaching for the camcorder and stopping your recording once and for all.
Whoa. Did Norman fucking reedus just fucking finish something. Did Normam fucking reedus just post something. Whoa. How crazy even is that.
ANYWAYS 😝 yes guys I still love Scud he's still my angel boy and be always will be I love the part of the fic where my peenar goes inside his body thats the best part hands down I love to fuck men with my lady peenar
One fic at a time guys 🙂↕️🙂↕️ I have a few others that eeerm should get posted soon… dont get your hopes up (because mine are already up and that's a problem)
IF YOU SEE TYPOS NO UOU DONNNT 😭 MY GRAMMARLY IS ON MY COMPUTER AND THE APP IS GARBAGE ON MY PHONE PLEASE STOP THIS MADNESS
I was gonna end this with the cam corder MaGiCaLlYy disappearing 👁️ but that's for another fic 🙂↕️ (that ill end up never writing)
#divider by benkeibear#norman fucking reedus#scud frohmeyer#scud blade 2#scud#scud fanfiction#scud x reader#the walking dead#the walking dead daryl#twd daryl#daryl dixon#daryl fanfiction#twd#daryl x reader#daryl x female reader#daryl dixon smut#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon fanfic#daryl dixon the walking dead#norman reedus#daryl dixion imagine#daryl twd#twd daryl dixon#daryl imagines#the walking dead daryl dixon#daryl dixion smut
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What's wrong with using a pose ref lol, didn't you just redraw a screencap from a tv show
See this is why I prefaced it by saying it's not objectively "wrong", it's a personal take and a grey area. Ultimately if an artist tells you they're uncomfortable with something and you choose to do it anyway it's on you if they then complain about it or ask you to reconsider, it's not the law. You can always tell them they're wrong but then don't be surprised if they take issue with that lol
But for a more detailed answer, I know I've said this a thousand times but I'll always hammer it in. I think there's definitely leeway to do redraws of things across media (so if you redraw a screenshot from an animated show and link said redraw etc, I see it as more of a transformative thing and a tribute than just straight up copying. Same for live action or even photographs - the same way that if someone took one of my drawings and decided to replicate it in photography or animation with a very clear link to it I would see it as more of a tribute because it's transformative) but even then if anyone was shown to take an issue with it I'd just Not Do It. Also the vast majority of the time these things are memes and very obviously a nod to the original one rather than me saying "look this is totally something canonical to the characters I'm drawing and didn't originate elsewhere"
There's times when I don't take an issue with people using my poses as inspiration or reference but a lot of my work does sort of just work as pieces of a comic or a scene that I don't like seeing repurposed for other characters. But that's the keyword: I don't like it. Not gonna send the police after you for it or claim copyright or even force you to take it down but I may *ask* you to reconsider it and think about it. And if it's a recurrent thing and I see you do it a lot I may insist 🤷♂️ it's a boundary I established but others are free to feel differently
ALSO I'm not referring to accidentally creating shit that's too similar. We all take inspiration from each other so that's bound to happen. I'm mostly referring to when it's very obvious a single artwork was used as a direct reference - and again, no shade if people do it without realising the artist might feel bad about it. I never assume ill intent from the get go
#ask#im not the only artist feeling this way too#so I think it's just something to keep in mind you know
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I was homeschooled, and didn't much like it, and always kinda assumed I would've had a better time in public school, in large part bc I was raised in a religion that didn't survive much contact with the outside world. You're like the second person in as many weeks I've heard talking about nightmarish bullying experiences in school, and I'm remembering times now when I was a kid when I did occasionally talk to public schooled kids, and they always seemed to say they wanted to be homeschooled, mostly bc of bullies. (I was the kind of annoying to say that if I were public schooled I would probably just stand up to the bullies!)
I'm not totally sure what I meant to ask here but ig broadly what I'm thinking is just... Like, whoa, it's really bad in there, huh?
Eh.
I had a really, really, really bad time of it but homeschooling probably would have been much worse for me and realistically there were not that many people at my school who were dealing with bullying at a level that I was dealing with bullying.
I could have asked for homeschooling or independent study because of that, and I actually know two people who did, both of whom ended up coming back to school within a year.
I also think that schools are way better about bullying now than they were in the 90s-early 2000s.
That doesn't mean they're perfect, but the institutional attitude about intervention changed a lot when more kids started killing themselves.
But, like, legitimately without my public high school yearbook I probably would have killed myself. Getting bullied sucked, but eventually I found a niche where I was able to develop skills and some level of friendship and could spend many hours a day focusing on doing something that I liked that would have been impossible for me if I was on my own and without the resources a public school offered.
This is how I'm 37 and have been using InDesign at a professional level for 22 years. It's how I got into photography in a serious way. I have had at least three jobs that came as a direct result of working on my high school yearbook (even if people did think I was plotting out sniper positions when I climbed the roof to take student life photos with the telephoto lens).
So the bullying was bad and horribly traumatic but also it was the cherry on top of a shit sundae of other stuff that was going on and literally the best thing in my life at that point was the yearbook.
But also man there were weeks and months in there that I would have done much better with remote school.
So I'm torn!
I kind of think that adolescents are just always going to be terrible to each other and the best you can do is damage control.
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Look, social media aus are very dumb but fun to do fklxkdk Illya would make short videos (mostly) about fashion, and Napoleon would be very unsubtle about being a Spy
I am formally apologizing to the uncle fandom for tiktoker Illya Kuryakin, I have no regrets (also @quijicroix is part responsible, being my evil advisor)
Here are the posts in details, and the profile pics :)
[COMMISSIONS]
No process this time, just me yapping for way to long about every choice and refs that went into this dumb au below vvv
Illya is younger than Napoleon (I usualy headcanon him at around 25 and Napoleon 35ish), so I think their use of social media would be quite different : hence Illya on Tiktok and Napoleon on Instagram. Also it's not the 60s so Illya can be like 10% less reppressed :)) but as a debuff Napoleon now has the technology to call him a nerd
Illya's page started as a cover for some affair, but he ended up kinda enjoying doing it in his free time. It's like a hobby for him, a way to experiment with fashion ! It's what made him want to pursue fashion design as a career after his curent spy job. And also I think he gets more and more nervous the more followers he gets, because as a spy having a chance to get recognise in the street is really bad dkdldlos Napoleon teases him endlessly that he became a tiktoker (as he should)-
Did I, at one point in the project, had to scrap the thirst trap idea to keep the fashion nerd vibes ? Yes I did, but just know he uses the "twink" tag :)
• The first post is a ref to the discotheque affair, not the best episode and a great miss for not including a disco Illya outfit, so I made him one to match the other :D
• The second is to the Hot number, but he gets to wear the thrush pattern !
• The third one is what made me do all of this ! Because, if you're not french, you might not know about one of my favorite yearly twitter threads : Met Gala outfits as INSEE graphs by Clara Dealberto ! Don't care about the met gala, but this is very funny :) and such a Illya Kuryakin thing to do kdkdkd
• fourth one isn't fashion related, it's a ref to popart and the "he has Dostoïevski eyes" line that made us laught a lot
• A little Fiddlesticks for the dog post, because it's a banger episode. Plus a nod to he dog expert from it, with whom Illya had palpable sexual tension fkfkfkl I like to think they kept contact ;) (shoutout to this fic (Intensity by AconitumNapellus) who absolutely get the vision, 10/10 guy to "cheat" on your boyfriend with)
• and the final one is a make over because of course it is
As for Napoleon, being older and less invested in this, an instagram made sense. But crutialy, I get such strong modern oss117 vibes from Napoleon (the way he shoots his gun, the goofy faces, the awkward stance everytime he enters a place, the inexplicable in universe rizz...) dkfkldls modern oss117 was a parody of both 60s james bond and older oss117 movies, but I'm now convinced they also whatched some uncle while doing these, it's just so obvious- anyway all this to say, in the second movie oss117 has to pose as a photographer and gets way too invested in his cover (it's his thing don't question it), and at the end of the movie we get to see all the photography he took during his mission..... Let me tell you how hard it was to resist him having an instagram full of blurry women on the street (canon 60s napoleon would have done it I'm sorry)- but what I kept was the pretty "badly" shot pics of random things, tho you sometimes get the odd decent pic taken by Illya. And he gets to be in a duck floatie as a treat and nod to oss <3
• Pinned post is because it became frustrating for him having to respond to people asking him if it was his real name or if he was a far right french man simping for Bonaparte
• first post is not a ref, but if my very sexy flat car was burning in the desert I would take a pic (ft Illya despairing) kdkdkd
• Duck floatie is a oss117 ref
• selfie with a beautiful woman (ft his finger), no ref I just love drawing women
• also Fiddlesticks for the cute Napoleon fox !! And to kinda link the two profiles :)
• and finaly Spy with my face ! He tried taking a picture of his date (I'll let you decide who it was), but oops front facing camera kdkdkdk
Can you tell I had a lot of fun doing this ? I love this show way to much omfg
PS : if you've never seen the recent oss117 movies, you should they funny ! But oh god some jokes are terrible- the first one is the best, minus one gay joke frankly not great. They nail the gay joke in the second one but oh god... They do not always win the 'is our character a piece of shit or is the movie problematic' gamble so be aware of that. And the 3rd one is shit don't bother
PPS : I don't use Tiktok, I tried my best to emulate the feeling of it but be aware I have no idea what I'm doing dkkdld
#I really like doing little tmfu sketches !#I gave my magnum opus to this fandom but rn I'm happy just doing goofy shit :)#illya kuryakin#napoleon solo#napollya#and a hint of#illya kuryakin x guido panzini#social media au#tmfu#tmfu tv#the man from uncle#illya kuryakin fanart#napoleon solo fanart#art#my art#digital art#fanart#tmfu fanart#sketches#david mccallum#robert vaughn
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Q&A stuff here
(If you have any other questions, let me know.)
How dirty of a doll or pony can I send?
Inside and out, these are both fine to come to the salon.
I may decline a pony or doll if they're dirtied with bodily fluids of any kind. I will be more than happy to talk you through the cleaning process so you can take care of that yourself.
However, if you are distraught and can't handle it, we can talk. I absolutely need a warning.
What happens if you damage a pony/doll someone sent?
I fix it.
For example, I got some 40Vol on a customer's Confetti's yellow hair and it bleached out the yellow color. I told the customer what had happened and did a partial rehair with vintage hair of the same color from my MLP G1 tail stash. That way the owner is informed and the pony is still full vintage.
Another example is that I was resetting the pose on a Flutterbye, and her feet turned white where they'd sat in a little boiling hot water (I didn't take a picture). I blasted them with a heat gun for a while and they're good as new.
And another was a Birthday Pony who's ribbons had been tied in knots and were weak. I snapped one when I went to recurl it, informed the owner, and they were amenable to replacement of all of the ribbons.
Repair is often risky. If I do damage that I can't fix, I will pay the going price for one of the same quality on eBay or order it for you and give it the salon process for free.
What hair do you use?
I use high-grade, silky smooth nylon mostly ordered from Shimmer Locks for full rehairs.
For partial rehairs like replacing a few plugs here and there or a forelock that was cut, I use vintage hair as long as I have it available in my stash of tails or can harvest enough from the pony's own tail without making the tail too thin. I do offer full tail replacements if I happen to have a replacement tail.
Can I request a hair style?
Absolutely! I can't guarantee that I'll be able to do the style you're wanting, but I'll certainly try. I can attempt a few different kinds of curls and have both a standard size and mini crimper.
You can also let me know if you want every pony's mane to be on the same side of their head. I'm not very consistent with that otherwise.
Why do you charge so much more for deflocking?
I hate doing it.
What paints do you use?
Right now I'm using Army Painter acrylic paints. I was using Liquitex before and found it difficult to get just the right consistency, whereas Army Painter has been easier for me to manipulate.
Why is your hair styling/photography/etc. so inconsistent?
I am not a professional anything and have a poor memory.
My photography is also inconsistent because I use my phone and every time I take my phone on or off of the cheap ringlight-phone-tripod the tripod moves.
The way I style a certain pony's hair will change between ponies because I don't remember how I styled it before and if I've had to flat iron it, I may not remember that it had been curly.
One of the great things about this being a hobby as opposed to a business is that I don't have to spend a lot of time on the parts that aren't fun (for me photography isn't fun), and don't have to be consistent. I just have to enjoy what I'm doing. If I can help out other people and get a little money so that I can keep doing what I do enjoy, that's a bonus.
Do you always ---
deflock So Soft Ponies?
No. I only do that when asked because I hate doing it. I will also deflock a pony I bought to clean and sell if the flocking is bad enough, but if the flocking is decent I don't ruin it.
straighten doll/pony hair?
No. I will do my best to preserve factory curl if it's present and the hair is in good enough condition it doesn't need flat ironed, but can't guarantee I will succeed...
How aggressively I treat hair depends entirely on the hair itself.
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Storytelling environmental issues through photography
I've been talking with my photo mentor (JenGuyton on IG) to help me get better at photography in the hopes of making a photo book companion to my written book, Carcass.
So I'm trying to learn visual storytelling a little better and considering these three images for my portfolio, but none of them are perfect.
The first shows a field of dead sheep, but the issue is you can only see a few in the foreground and some of the ones in the background if you zoom in. The story is striking, 51 dead sheep in a field, and the experience was striking, but I think I failed to capture an image that demonstrated the scale of the deaths.
The second image is more clearly a sheep. There is black plastic in the sheep's stomach but you can't see until you zoom in.
The third image shows the black plastic better but we're back to a less-readable image. By itself, you probably can't immediately tell what's happening.
I love this image of a dead bird filled with plastic which BBC calls "The Photo that Made the Plastics Crisis Personal." Plastic in a stomach tells a story. My mentor says a photographer doesn't want to rely on a caption to tell a story, the photo should get a lot across. I totally get that, as even though I'm a writer first, I know darn well that images capture attention a lot faster than text.
However, I don't think that there is a good way to show the viewer what likely happened to these sheep, and maybe some stories don't lend themselves visually as well as others. I don't know how to use an image to communicate what I think happened to the sheep because it's so contextual. In short, I think it was a harsh winter. Maybe the one who ate the plastic couldn't get to food and ate plastic instead, however, I don't know how often sheep do that, and I did not investigate all of their stomachs (the pictured one was just that way when I found it.) Based on the conversations I've had with sheep herders and the presence of hay and feces in this field, I think the sheep gathered there to eat supplemental feed, died in higher numbers than usual due to the cold and/or snow covering the grass, and thawed at the same time as the snow melted. Perhaps I should return next winter to photograph carcasses covered in snow (if it's another bad one?). But I think captioning is important as well, as I can't get an interview in a photo, and the meaning of the hay and feces isn't super apparent even if you can see it.
So, it's interesting that the issue of animals eating plastic might get more attention than issues of climate disasters because the plastic in the stomach is easier to communicate photographically.
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