#i like my women how i like my tea piping hot and British
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shaunthesheesh · 3 months ago
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How does one send their hand in marriage? I am asking for a friend, who obviously is head-over-heels for Cassandra Nova in Deadpool and Wolverine.
She likes her women like how I like my tea, piping hot and British.
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nulfaga · 5 months ago
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get to know you tag from the lovely @pomea !
last song: "back to the street" by john carpenter from the soundtrack to they live (1988). sometimes you want to feel like rowdy roddy piper wearily & warily tramping through a world that isn't quite his own. also that bass line EATS
last movie: thank god.. i thought i was going to have to say caligula. but i watched annihilation (2018) with a couple friends the other night. was pretty good, enjoyed how much screentime the women had, but i was hoping to be scared shitless and i just wasn't
currently watching: technically i "am watching" ds9 but i've put it on hold to tear thru house md like a rabid dog. a fool's course. avoid.
currently reading: just polished off misogyny: the world's oldest prejudice by jack holland. i did not very much like it. now i have to stare down my pile of unread books but some contenders are plato's republic, augustine's confessions, beloved (morrison), i know why the caged bird sings (angelou), some biography of alexander pope i got at a library sale... and the 1985 autobiography of british tv wrestler jackie pallo entitled you grunt, i'll groan. i promised the weird guy at the memorabilia shop i'd have a read of it.
currently craving: last time i was in the uk i had a beautiful like... i think it was homemade cherry ice tea on ice with a generous amount of ginger... soooo good. warming and refreshing... perfect in any season. i miss her. also i would do dark and twisted things for a fresh piping hot sticky toffee pudding.
last thing you searched for writing purposes: many many texts and hypertexts about the catilinarian conspiracy. ended up using nearly none of it but when do you ever really
going to tag @bloodofthepen @ifriqiyyah @ggeyser if you guys are interested! :^)
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thelegendofclarke · 5 years ago
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still got scars on my back (from your knife)
A Bellarke Knives Out Au in which Kane is probably Benoit Blanc, Clarke might be Ransom Drysdale, Bellamy is definitely Marta Cabrara, Dante was Harlan Thrombey, and like Detective Elliot, Miller is just along for the ride.
Written for @bellarkejanuaryjoy Day 29 and dedicated to @marauders-groupie and @woodswit who were the best sounding boards and cheerleaders and are the reasons this fic exists in any way, shape, or form.
When Bellamy walks into the Mt. Weather police station again, where he has been far too many times in far too few days, he is tired. The kind of tired that starts in your bones and slowly leeches into your soul. He has a migraine that feels like it originated in his prefrontal cortex, and he genuinely can’t remember the last time he felt like he could breathe normally or wasn’t on the verge of puking.   He’s led into an interview room in the back and when he enters he stops short. Marcus Kane, the self-proclaimed “last of the gentleman sleuths,” is perched on the corner of the table, posing dramatically as always. And sitting in a chair next to him is Clarke. Despite being arrested over 48 hours ago, she isn’t wearing handcuffs or an orange jumpsuit. Damn it must be nice to be a rich white girl. She’s just wearing a regular button-down shirt and jeans, and that small smirk that always made him want to kiss her. There’s something softer about it now though, and he hates how much that just makes him want to kiss it off her even more. Detective Miller motions for Bellamy to sit down in the chair across from Clarke. He does so without looking at Clarke or saying anything, just glaring down at the table so he doesn’t do something stupid like cry.
“You’re probably wondering why we’ve called you back here…” Miller starts.
“Oh, I’m wondering about a lot of things.” Bellamy shoots back at him.
Miller just snorts and looks over at Kane, “I’ll let you take it from here.”
Kane pulls out the pipe he carries around with him and starts to pack it. Bellamy can feel his scowl deepening, who the fuck even carries a pipe anymore?
Continue reading below or on Ao3...
“First of all, Mr. Blake,” he starts without looking up, “we must begin by giving you our most profuse and sincere apologies.” Kane lights the pipe and brings it to his mouth, then he looks at Bellamy and grins. That dramatic asshole actually smiles, far wider than Clarkes’ smirk, but equally as infuriating. “But you are just far too honest and decent a man to have been let in on all our plans.” He turns to Clarke and nods.
Clarke takes a deep breath and starts talking, but Bellamy can’t bring himself to look at her. He knows if he does all he’ll see is her grabbing his hands when he started having a panic attack, all he’ll feel is her fingers running through his hair, all he’ll hear is her soft but strong voice telling him to look at her, to focus on his breathing, reassuring him “It’ll be okay I promise… We’ll figure this out… Together.”
“You know, I used to be one of the only people that could ever beat my Grandpa Dante at Go. I used to pride myself on that,” she chuckles. “And then you came along and he told me you beat him twice as often as I did.” Bellamy looks up at that and finds Clarke looking right at him, her eyes focused on his. “He said you beat him almost every time. That you had never even played before you met him, but that somehow you would always win. And god that used to drive me fucking crazy,” she laughs again. “I couldn’t figure out how the hell you were beating him. I knew he wasn’t letting you win, he wasn’t that nice. And I knew he wouldn’t lie about it, he was far too arrogant. It was one of the mysteries he could never solve” she shakes her head ruefully at the memory. “How you beat him at that goddamn game night after night.”
“He never figured out that answer to that mystery,” she continues. “But I did. I finally solved it… You win because you don’t just play from the head, you play from the heart.”
“And you won again Bellamy… You won this game not by playing my way or my grandpa’s way, but by playing your way. You won because you are a genuine and honorable and fundamentally good person. You played it honest, you didn’t lie or mislead anyone or try to throw them off your trail. That’s why all the pieces fell perfectly into place: because you made all the right moves. You won by figuring out your strategy and making your decisions the same way you always have: from the heart.”
Bellamy just stares at her for another minute and then looks at Kane. “Look I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s been a really long couple of days and I’m pretty worn out so I’m just going to be really straight with you here and ask: what the actual fuck is going on?”
Miller snorts again, “I asked the same damn question.” He turns to Kane and Clarke and pulls out his little yellow notepad. “Actually, would you mind starting from the top again? Because I’m still not sure I really understand what in the damn hell happened.”
Kane and Clarke look at each other again doing that annoying nonverbal communication thing they seem to be so good at. Bellamy thinks he probably can’t complain about that too much though, since he and Clarke had gotten pretty damn good at it themselves after years of knowing each other, pretending to hate each other, and refusing to admit that they secretly adored each other.… Or so he thought… How the hell did he get her so wrong?
Before this week, Bellamy would have told anyone who asked, with a higher degree of confidence than he possesses about most things, that he could tell you almost everything there is to know about Clarke Griffin…
Namesake: Science fiction author Arthur C. Clarke, who her father had been a massive fanboy of and managed to convince her mother to let him name their newborn daughter after while Abby was still high as a kite on epidural anesthesia. Evidently, he had persuaded her by arguing that it was probably better than Arthurette or Arthurina; when Abby tells the story she always magnanimously says that at the time it seemed to be “the least of the evils.”
Middle Name: Matilda, after Empress Matilda, a member of the British monarchy who was some distant relative of the Wallaces, but that she pretended was after Matilda Wormwood because that Matilda was “infinitely cooler in all ways.”
Notable Likes: Inclusive, intersectional feminism. All forms of alcohol; with the notable exception of tequila which she will not look at, smell, touch, or tolerate in her presence in any way, shape, or form (he’d tried to ask her why once but she’d promptly turned green and puked into the nearest potted plant so he decided not to push the issue). Shark Week. Jane Austen novels. True crime documentaries. The Jonas Brothers (“They’re making a comeback Bell, whether you like it or not! Just save yourself the trouble later and lean into it now!”) Any and all things Harry Potter related (he’s pretty sure she’s on multiple bar trivia teams, including his own, just to answer the Harry Potter questions… And get the free booze.) Netflix. Adult coloring books. Anytime someone climbs a building to tear down a Confederate flag. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Antique tea sets. Movies that have women wearing armor and/or holding swords. Wearing high heels because they make her feel tall (her diminutive frame is something she endlessly despairs over, but Bellamy maintains she makes up for through presence, spitefulness, and sheer force of will.) Her cousin Roan.
Notable Dislikes: Donald Trump. Tinder, which she has an active profile on (a fact that definitely did not bother him. Much.) Twitter, which she hates even more, and has an even more active profile on. Blavy (“I don’t care what Tom Ford or Marc Jacobs said Bell, it’s a disgrace!”) Humidity. The NRA. The Twilight series (because it was “pushing the suspension of disbelief” that anyone would pick Edward over Jacob, and “downright offensively unrealistic” that Bella wouldn’t just dump them both and run off with “the hot Cullen sister… Either one of them.”) Most forms of organized sports. All forms of organized religion. Camping. When people talk during movies. Having to wear “real pants” for more than a couple of hours on a given day. The American Healthcare System. Toxic masculinity, men yelling, manbuns, manspreading, mansplaining and men having to put the word "man" before everything because their egos were so fragile. Wearing high heels because they are “torture devices of the patriarchy” (Clarke speak for “they make her feet hurt and she’s a wimp.”) Her cousin Ontari.
Favorite Foods: Sushi. Guacamole Doritos (which she had cried genuine tears over being discontinued). Her grandfather’s disgustingly greasy fried egg sandwiches that taste like heartburn. Her mother’s blueberry cheesecake. Avocados (Bellamy never understood what the deal was with white people and avocado; like yeah avocados are great and all, but damn do white people really love avocado.) Movie theater popcorn. Bellamy’s adobo. Octavia’s empanadas. All kinds of Indian food, the spicier the better. Watermelon, especially when it’s filled with vodka. Almost anything that has chocolate in or on it. Potatoes in all their forms, especially the ones that have cheese on them. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Cheese Blintzes. Cheese fondue. Cheese in general, honestly. “That one thing we got at that one place that one time, Bell!” which he always knew exactly what she was referring to (Dante had always said that Bellamy, like him, was “fluent in Clarke: a skill coveted by the many, but possessed by the few.”)
Hobbies: Smashing the patriarchy. Art; painting, drawing, sculpting, anything that struck her fancy really (she even went through a sand art phase at one point, which ended up being short lived because while she loves art, she hates sand.) Making fun of Bellamy. Conspiring with Octavia to make fun of Bellamy. Making fun of her grandpa Dante. Conspiring with Bellamy to make fun of her grandpa Dante. Equestrian activities, the only kind of formal, organized “sport” she was actually good at (“All I have to do is sit there and tell the horse what to do, Bell. I’m so good at sitting around and telling people what to do!”). Fighting Twitter trolls. Reading, especially her grandfather’s mystery novels. Krav Maga, which Bellamy will admit surprised him a little (and then surprised him more than a little when he’d asked where she’d learned it and she shrugged and said “Israel” like it was as obvious as the inevitability of death and taxes.) Online shopping. Pretending to hate it when Bellamy calls her Princess. Buying and playing video games she doesn’t really understand with her little sister, Madi (“ I can’t trick her into thinking I’m cool anymore so it’s the only way I can get her to hangout with me. I’m just embracing bribery as a form of bonding!”) Over, and incorrectly, using the word “literally.” Telling Bellamy he is literally a pedantic killjoy.
He knew that she was deathly afraid of heights and irrationally paranoid about catching scurvy and getting cat-fished. He knew that she liked real bananas and blueberries but hated banana and blueberry artificial flavoring. He knew that her first kiss was with her best friend Wells in a closet during a game of 7 minutes in heaven at a classmate’s birthday party in 6th grade, and that her first kiss with a girl was in the exact same closet playing the exact same game at the exact same classmate’s birthday party two years later with a girl named Glass. He knew she lasted exactly one and a half years in med school before telling her mother that she needed to choose between Clarke being a doctor and Clarke being alive, because it was it was killing her slowly and driving her insane. He knew that she always ordered some kind of strange, obscure plant or flower to place on her father’s grave every year on the anniversary of his death because “he was weirdo who liked weird shit” (this past year it was a Venus Fly Trap, the year before that it was a Ghost Orchid because she was “feeling ironic.”)
He knew that she once met the Clinton’s at a charity fundraiser when she was little where she told then President Bill Clinton that he looked better with brown hair and threw up on Hillary Clinton’s shoes. He knew that she’d actually thrown up on several member of the rich and powerful elite; notable examples including Condoleezza Rice’s Hermès Birkin bag, Paul Ryan’s Armani sports coat, and Eric Trmups whole entire arm (which she admitted was definitely not an accident.) He knew that she loved school and learning and once got her English Lit teacher fired for failing her on a paper where she argued that Humbert Humbert was an obsessive, delusional, predatory pedophile who deserved to be medically castrated and the teacher had tried to tell her that Lolita was a “tragic love story” and that she was “simply too narrow minded to appreciate Nabokov’s true message.” He knew that she had unsuccessfully tried to pierce her own belly button in high school and managed to successfully pierce her own nose in college. He knew that she has four tattoos: a small crown on the back of her neck (which only made Bellamy double down on the Princess nickname after he found out about it), a lion on her left foot for her father, a lotus flower on her on her right wrist for her ex-girlfriend Lexa, and the Latin translation of “do no harm, take no shit” running down the left side of her rib cage.
He knew that she pretended to hate Valentine's Day when really, every single year, she handmade super elaborate and incredibly awesome cards for all her friends and family members (well, the ones she liked anyway). He knew that she was planning on naming her first daughter Gertrude after her grandmother, Dante’s deceased wife, even though the kid would probably hate her for it because her grandma was a badass and “metal as fuck.” He knew that otters were her favorite animal and that he favorite type of otters were those terrifying Amazonian river otters that could fight crocodiles (which was typical Clarke, honestly.) He knew that she loved her adopted little sister Madi more than anything or anyone in this world and was as fiercely protective of her as he was of his own little sister. He knew that she loved horror movies and hated Claymation because it freaked her out that that she has seen every single episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. at least three times and could sing all the lines of every single song Lana del Ray has ever recorded from memory.
He knew that she started drawing when she was really young and would sit on the floor in her dad’s office and draw on his grid paper while he worked on his designs; he knew that art had helped her through some really hard times like when she started questioning her sexuality and when her father had died and when he girlfriend had been killed and that she hoping to go back to school to become an art therapist. He knew she was stubborn and loyal and empathetic and unafraid to speak her mind. He knew she could be cunning and calculating and ambitious and ruthless and even downright vicious when it came to things going her way or getting what she wanted. Bellamy had just never thought there would come a day where he would be on the receiving end of all that Clarke Griffin Intensity. At least, not like this.
In all the years he’d known her, Clarke had never treated him like one her family’s employees or made him feel like “the help.” She got along (scarily, in Bellamy’s personal opinion) well with his little sister, and took (or sometimes dragged) him out places with her. She asked his opinion on things, and incorporated him into her friend group (while gleefully teasing him about how hot they all thought he was). She went to him for advice, and liked all his friends. She actually read the books and watched the movies and listened to the music he would recommend to her, and made him feel included at Wallace family events and dinners. She always laughed at his dumb jokes (sometimes so hard she would snort, which was his favorite), and would go to his apartment to feed the cat and water the plants when he was out of town. She would text him while she was on a bad date or at a boring event, and listened to all his rants about mythology and colonialism and the Star Wars universe and representation in media and all the historical inaccuracies in every single period drama they ever watched together. She would show him the art pieces she was working on, and remembered shit like his birthday and that he was allergic to tomatoes and the anniversary of his mom’s death and that Nerds were his favorite candy. She treated him like he was someone important to her, someone she cared about even. She made him feel valued and respected. She’d never treated him or made him feel like anything but her equal.
But now, finally looking up at the girl across from him, knowing just how much time and planning and work and effort she’d put into trying to fuck him over and ruin his life, it feels like being in the room with a complete stranger. And it might be one of the worst feelings in the world. Bellamy thought he knew her. Thought he could trust her, that he understood her, that they understood and trusted each other. He had considered her a good friend and, after so many years of knowing her, possibly even a best friend.
He had introduced her to his friends and his sister, and texted her links to stuff she would find funny and when someone said something absurdly ignorant or hilariously dumb on TV. He started keeping those alcoholic ciders she liked better than beer in his fridge, and thought way too hard about what to buy her every year for her birthday. He told her stories about his mom, and his childhood, and his first kiss, and his first girlfriend, and the first time he got punched and the first time he punched someone which were, to Clarke’s endless amusement, two completely different situations.
He told her about how terrified he’d been that he would never see his sister again when they were separated after their mom died, and how for years the only time he felt truly happy was during their weekly visit with their social worker when he got to see her, and how it took the longest time after he was officially able to get custody of her for him to finally relax and not worry that she wasn’t coming back every time she left the apartment, and how fucking proud he was of her for getting into a good college, and all kinds of personal shit he would never just tell to just anyone.
She’d become a fixture in his daily life, a staple in his routine, the first person after O that he wanted to share good news with, and the last person he wanted to say goodbye to before he left the Wallace estate to head home for the day. He let her in.
After years of his mom’s revolving door of terrible boyfriends, and moving around different towns to where ever Aurora could find a job, and constantly having to switch schools, and never really having time to hang out with kids his age because he had a little sister to take care of, and being passed around from foster home to foster home once he was put in the system, Bellamy didn’t just let people in and make friends with them. He has a screening process, a thorough one, what he had thought was an effective one; but somehow, Clarke Griffin had managed to make it through with flying colors in record time.
Bellamy is well aware that, in all likelihood, he should be more concerned about the fact that finding out he didn’t really know Clarke as well as he thought he did feels like his whole world has turned on its head and he doesn’t know which way is up. But between Dante dying and being framed for his murder and having paparazzi actually camped out on his front lawn and being put in charge of an entire estate he has no idea what to do with and bequeathed an amount of money so high he wouldn’t have believed it existed, there’s a lot to be concerned about. He can prioritize. Or at least multitask. Probably.
“Well why don’t we start with who it was that hired me,” Kane begins as he puffs on his pipe.
“We know who hired you,” Bellamy interrupts. “Clarke did. As part of her plan to frame me for Dante’s murder… I really don’t need to hear about it again.” If he has to listen to the whole story in terribly thorough detail again he is definitely going to do something stupid like cry. His voice breaks a little on the last words and out of the corner of his eye her sees Clarke bite her lip and look down at the table. Good, he thinks, she should feel like shit.
“Yes, Clarke did secure my employ,” Kane confirms.
Bellamy almost rolls his eyes. ‘Secure my employ?’ who the actual fuck even talks like that anymore?? While smoking a pipe??? Jesus tap dancing Christ.
“But she did so by proxy,” Kane continues, “under the instruction of her grandfather.”
That stops Bellamy and his internal running commentary on Kane’s outfit (Who the hell wears actual suspenders? And a goddamn deerstalker hat?? Where the hell do you even buy a deerstalker hat anymore?!?) right in their tracks. “Wait… What?”
“Dante Wallace hired me not only to solve his own murder, but to help his granddaughter frame herself while she also pretended to frame you at the same time.”
Bellamy blinks at him.
“You see Dante Wallace knew he was going to be murdered before he committed suicide,” Kane begins what Bellamy suspects is going to be one of the most confusing and ridiculous stories he has ever heard in his life. “And yes, Dante Wallace most definitely did commit suicide.”
This time Bellamy turns to blink at Miller. “Yeah,” he says dryly, “this is about where I started screaming internally too.”
Instead of continuing, Kane uses the pause to pull out that stupid coin he’s always tossing around and flips it in the air, catching it again without even looking but with uncanny precision. Bellamy is sorely tempted to tell him exactly how far he should shove the damn thing up his ass, but he physically restrains himself and waits for Kane to go on.
“Mr. Wallace knew not only that he was dying, but that he was being murdered. Slowly and painfully at that. He knew he was going to die and how, but he didn’t know when it was going to happen or who was doing it. He had a murder and a murder weapon, but no body and no actual death.”
Kane pauses and runs his fingers over his beard. Bellamy is like 99.9% sure this dude grew a beard just so he could stroke it dramatically. “He did have one other thing though,” Kane goes on, “and that was an obvious suspect.” He nods in Bellamy’s direction, “you.”
All three of the room’s other occupants are looking at him in silence. Bellamy’s breath catches and he starts to panic, “But you already cleared me. You said you know it wasn’t me. It wasn’t… I didn’t… I couldn’t… That’s…”
Clarke reaches out and grabs one of his hands. Bellamy can’t help but think that her tiny hand on his huge one shouldn’t be as reassuring as it is. “We know you didn’t do it Bell,” she tells him softly but firmly. She squeezes his hand, “we know you could never.”
He wants to smack her hand away and tell her not to call him that. He wants to tell all three of them to fuck off, he wants to get the hell out of here, he wants to get some weed from Monty the groundskeepers’ stash in the garage, or go down to Polis Pub and have O mix him up of those “kitchen sink” drink thingies she makes that he is pretty sure have what must be an illegal, non FDA approved amount of alcohol in them. He wants to go home and sleep forever, he wants to wake up tomorrow and have this all just be a terrible dream, he wants to travel back in time and never take this fucking job in the first place. He wants to do a lot of things, but he doesn’t. He just stays quiet and waits.
Clarke withdraws her hand and he sees her clench it into a fist on the table in front of her. “Grandpa Dante was being poisoned,” she says matter-of-factly. To anyone else it would seem like she was emotionless; but Bellamy sees the tension in her shoulders, the clench in her jaw, the rapid blinking of her eyes. He has been around the Wallace family long enough to know that they know how to put on masks. The can tamp down their anger, and swallow their sadness, and choke back their tears, and fake out their fear, and affect apathy along with the best of them. But Clarke has her tells, and he knows them. Dante always told him he was observant for his own good; that he was a good judge of character, that he pays attention to detail, that he notices the little things others wouldn’t even know to be looking for. And that one of these days it was going to get him into trouble.
He saw Abby disguise her sorrow and depression and grief after the tragic death of her husband Jake. And a few short years later, saw Clarke as the ice-cold, emotionless mirror image of her mother after her girlfriend Lexa was shot in a drive by. He saw Maya mask her terror the day she got her diagnoses, when she’d found out that she had developed a rare, life threatening blood disorder before she was even able to drive a car, that she would have to go through painful blood transfusions for the foreseeable future just to stay alive, and sees her to the same every time she leaves to go get her treatment. He saw Roan force back his fury every time he sees his mother treat people like dirt and watches his little sister show up to yet another family event high out of her mind. And he constantly saw Dante hide his sense of regret, his feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, when he reflected on what his family had become.
None of them managed to mask their feelings the day Dante’s will was read though, their emotions were written all over their faces: Nia’s fury at being passed over for “the help.” Abby’s shock and confusion at her father’s decision and clear feeling of betrayal and heartbreak that her father trusted Bellamy with his legacy more than he trusted her. Emerson’s horror over not being able to continue to maintain his lifestyle or pay for the treatment his sick stepdaughter needs to survive. Ontari’s hysterics at the easy funding for her pill and powder fixes being cut off. Roan’s indignation when he finally snapped ad yelled at his family members to “chill the fuck out and back the hell off! Bellamy clearly doesn’t know what the fuck is happening even more than we do!” And finally, Cage’s rage over Bellamy daring to take what Cage saw as rightfully his.
Not Clarke though. Clarke remained seated in the arm chair she had unceremoniously plopped down on when she arrived, throwing her legs over one of the arms and pulling up Candy Crush on her phone. Her attention wasn’t focused on her phone anymore though. Unlike the rest of her family, she stayed silent. Also, unlike the rest of her family, her ice blue, all seeing eyes were focused not on him, but on the people gathered around him, yelling and screaming, all hellfire and fury, threats and accusations flying. At first glance she appeared stone faced and detached. But while she studied her family Bellamy looked closer at her and for a brief moment, no more than a second, he saw it: the slight smirk curving at the side of her mouth.
Bellamy couldn’t tell exactly what was running through her mind that day, but he knows what she’s feeling now: grief over Dante’s death, sorrow over losing a family member (one of the only family members) she was close to, anger over her grandpa being murdered, and primarily: pissed as fuck that someone would do this to him. Bellamy still isn’t sure what’s happening or been able to process all the information he’s been given, but he’s starting to strongly suspect that hell hath no fury like Clarke Griffin scorned.
Kane rests a reassuring hand on her shoulder, wordlessly encouraging her to continue. Clarke takes another deep breath seemingly trying to calm herself, like it’s been ages since she felt like she was able to catch it. He knows the feeling. “I figured out he was being poisoned a while back,” she says. “He was just… He was getting sick way too fast.”
“I might not have been in med school for long but I was there long enough to know that his condition shouldn’t have been deteriorating so quickly,” her voice is getting steadier now. “He shouldn’t have been in so much pain, he shouldn’t have been so tired all the time. And nothing was working; some of the treatment should have been working, something should have been working.”
“You must have noticed it,” she half states, half asks. “I mean… He was just so… And nothing was… You had to have noticed it too?”
Yeah, she’s right; he had noticed it. Dante shouldn’t have been so sick so quickly. No matter how much he slept, he always felt tired. He started to lose drastic amounts of weight and his skin started to yellow at a disturbingly rapid pace. His heart rate and blood pressure were all over the place. His bones appeared to have become brittle overnight and he seemed to be in almost perpetual pain, his body shrugging in on itself while he sat, or contorting itself while he slept, just trying to get comfortable. He started getting spells where he was confused, he would have no idea where he was or not remember why he walked into a room or forget something Bellamy had told time only minutes prior. The spells wouldn’t have normally been too alarming in an elderly patient except that this wasn’t any other elderly patient, this was Dante Wallace. He had never been anything but sharp as a tact, quick on his feet, alert and awake and of perfectly sound mind.
She was also right about the treatment. Lung cancer is obviously nothing to scoff about, but the kind Dante was diagnosed with should have at least been manageable, if not treatable or even curable, with the right medication. Medication Bellamy knew he was on because he was the one that administered the drug to Dante every day, which subsequently brought him to the shit storm he was currently caught in without rain boots or an umbrella. Not only did the medication not seem to be doing anything to improve Dante’s condition in any way, they seemed to be making him worse. It was almost like they were causing new symptoms in addition to exacerbating the ones that were already there.
So yeah, he had noticed. Bellamy was no medical professional or trained expert; he was just a caregiver, a companion, he was just “the help,” but even he could tell that something was wrong. Whenever he had tried to express his concerns to members of Dante’s family as well. But whenever he tried to speak with Dante’s children about his health, he was either told off-handedly that it would be checked into, or told in no uncertain terms to mind his own goddamn business or his ass was fired.
“I mean, I’m well aware that me making the illogically, dramatically huge jump straight from ‘my grandpa is super sick’ to ‘MY GRANDPA IS BEING POISONED!’ is a little odd,” Clarke shrugs. “But it turns out that when you’re majoring in pre-med and spend your summers researching insane, off the wall ways to kill someone for your grandfather who writes murder mystery novels, you pick up some things,” she says grimly.
God, he thinks, her whole entire life must just be so weird.
“I remember taking a random medicinal chem class in undergrad,” Clarke starts rambling. “That’s how I think I first figured out what was happening. It took me a while to figure out the specifics, but once the details starting becoming clear it was obvious: Grandpa had anthracycline induced cardiac and pulmonary toxicity that was incorrectly diagnosed as potentially malignant, early stage lung cancer.” She’s talking even more animatedly now and gesturing wildly with her hands like she’s really getting into what she’s saying. Bellamy hates how cute he finds it.
“He was then treated with unnecessary, prolonged, and continuous exposure to radon which not only served to exacerbate his current vascular symptoms, but also caused additional idiopathic neurological, respiratory, skeletal, cardiovascular, and immunological afflictions that caused his condition to deteriorate to the point of inviability,” Clarke explains. Kane is nodding along like this all makes perfect sense to him and that she was explaining something as simple as how two and two makes four.
Bellamy and Miller just stare at her with blank expression of incomprehension on their faces. Miller previously had his pen poised over his notepad like he would have written down every word she said if he knew how to spell half of them. Now he just sighs and tucks his pen behind his ear and shoves the notepad back into his back pocket.
“Uh huh, right, exactly,” he says dryly. “How about you repeat that one more time in Normal Person.”
“He was poisoned with something that made it look like he had lung cancer,” she states matter-of-factly.
Miller shots Bellamy a look that he knows is asking “the fuck couldn’t she have just said that the first time?!” There’s a similar expression on his own face right now, he’s sure.
“Then he started getting chemo and radiation for the Not Lung Cancer which probably ended up giving him the Actual Lung Cancer and definitely gave him a whole bunch of other bad shit. He was slowly but surely dying,” she swallows and looks down at her hands, picking at one of her fingernails. “And the stuff that was supposed to be helping him was really just causing radon poisoning and killing him more quickly and painfully,” the crack in her voice makes him want to fold her up in his arms and tell her everything is going to be okay, the way she had for him so many times over the past week. Until he reminds himself that we don’t comfort people who try to frame us for murder. People who try to frame us for murder are assholes, no matter how pretty they are.
“My first guess was obviously Cage,” she goes on, “mostly because he sucks and I hate him. But still, it's not like I was wrong. It took a while for me to convince grandpa though, he was actually really pissed at me for even suggesting it in the first place.”
Bellamy remembers those few weeks severalmonths back when Clarke had stopped coming around and Dante had gone from his usual “exasperating old man shouts at cloud” to “insufferably cranky asshole.” When Bellamy suggested that maybe they invite Clarke over to cheer him up since she hadn’t been around in a while, Dante had just glared even harder and huffed that he and Clarke had “parted ways” due to “irrevocable creative differences” before flouncing from the room like an egregiously offended prima donna and locking himself in his study for the remainder of the day.
“I finally managed to convince him by figuring out where Cage would have been getting whatever he was poisoning grandpa with: his wife.”
Bellamy didn’t really know Cage’s wife, Dr. Lorelai Tsing Wallace, very well. Nor had he made any effort too. Primarily because she gave him the fucking creeps. She wasn’t the same brand of downright terrifying like Nia, or intimidatingly poised like Abby. She was scary in her very own, unique “don’t stand so close to me,” “makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up,” Stranger Danger kind of way. He would catch her eyeing him with interest sometimes, and he could never quite tell if it was in an “I want to jump you” kind of way or an “I want to kidnap you and harvest your organs” kind of way.
“It seems that the pharmaceutical development company Dr. Tsing works for had been doing a great deal of experimentation with alternative forms of radiation and chemotherapy treatment.” Kane says from where he’s returned to his perch on the table. “Namely, orally administrated, pill forms of radon.”
“We haven’t been able to establish any conclusive evidence that Lorelai Tsing-Wallace was knowingly or willfully involved in her husband’s plot to kill his father,” Miller interrupts, all procedure and formality. All three of them look at him with thoroughly unimpressed faces. “But yeah,” he concedes. “I honestly have no idea how the hell Cage would have gotten his hands on so much radon for so long without her help.”
“So yeah,” Clarke continues. “Once I was able to sit grandpa down and calmly and rationally explain to him what was happening to him and how, he was persuaded to see reason.
It’s another part of the story that Bellamy can’t help but snort at, because looking back, he’s pretty sure he remembers the exact incident she’s talking about. After going weeks without seeing her, Clarke had stormed into the house like a category 5 hurricane (as opposed to her typical level 2 tornado) and stomped up the stairs to Dante’s study. She’d pounded incessantly on the door, demanding he let her in and talk to her. And when he’d continuously and steadfastly refused she’d threatened to “kick in his antique, handcrafted, mahogany door with her heavy-duty riding boots that he knew would fuck that door right up because he bought them for her and knew exactly how expensive they were and exactly how much she was not screwing around.”
Eventually Dante had relented and after that there was a lot of muffled yelling and what definitely sounded like things being thrown and furniture being knocked over, all of which was typical for a Wallace family argument. “You can never say we lack passion,” Dante had always told him. But it was the eerie silence that came after that was concerning. After they were quiet for so long that Bellamy genuinely began to worry that they had somehow managed to kill each other, he relented and made his way up the stairs.
His soft knock was met with an even softer “come in.”
Bellamy had popped his head in and teased “just wanted to make sure everyone was still alive up here.”
God in hindsight that was such a terrible joke, pun absolutely not intended he swears.
“Yes, yes, everything is just fine Bellamy, fine.” Dante had said quietly. Both he and Clarke had been sitting at his desk, red eyed, red faced, and looking horribly sad and defeated.
“Uh ok,” Bellamy had cleared his throat. “Well can I get either of you anything?”
Dante didn’t answer, still staring at his desk, so Clarke said “No I think we’re fine… Everything is… Fine.”
Dante had looked up at that point. “Yes,” he’d said, still sounding odd. “Just fine… You may go for the day.”
Bellamy should have known at that moment that something was up; it was only 11 am and Dante rarely ever even dismissed him an hour early, much less before noon. But he’d just shrugged it off as “family stuff” he didn’t want or need to get involved in, and made his way home, honestly happy to have a day off.
“All that evidence combined with the fact that, starting several months earlier, Cage had apparently started coming around more often wanting to do “guys night” with grandpa and bringing over whatever absurdly exotic, stupidly expensive liquor he could find that week for them to try, was what finally did it.” Clarke continues her story.
Bellamy remembers that, too. Cage had started coming around in the evenings to visit with Dante and they would drink and smoke cigars out on the screened in porch or in the den. Bellamy had been wary of why Cage started coming over so often when he had basically never made an effort to spend any time “getting to know” his father since Bellamy could remember. Dante had, of course, decided to humor him saying “perhaps there’s still time.” Bellamy had never really figured out what there was possibly still “time” for, given that there was no amount of time in the world that could reform Cage into a halfway decent excuse for a human being. But he guessed that was really none of his business.
When he’d asked about it off-handedly, Cage had thrown him some kind of excuse about “who even knew how much longer the old quack was going to survive, so he needed to get in quality time while he could.” Bellamy had just glared and scoffed quietly when Cage turned his back, chalking it up to Cage being an insensitive asshole and generally awful person who was just trying to make sure he would get his cut after his father died. Bellamy just hadn’t realized exactly how far Cage was willing to go to make that happen. At that moment, Bellamy also remembers that after the Hurricane Clarke situation was apparently resolved, that Dante stopped seeing Cage as often. He would make up well and truly absurd excuses like “he volunteered to referee a charity tennis game… at 7 at night… in the middle of January” for Bellamy to give Cage about why he couldn’t come over in the evenings or why Dante wouldn’t be making it to Cage’s house for their usual Thursday night dinners. Eventually Cage got the message and just gave up; not that Bellamy had minded getting to blow Cage off. It had become one of the highlights of his day.
“It was also me who figured out that the person he was probably trying to pin the poisoning on was you,” Clarke says.
“Okay this is one of the parts I’m still a little fuzzy on,” Miller interjects.
“Same,” Bellamy agrees, with feeling.
“I mean it was basically just simple process of elimination,” Clarke says, like figuring this out had been nothing more than a leisurely stroll in the park. And for her it might have been honestly. She’s terrifying.
“Cage was going to have to pin it on someone, he might be a slimy little shit weasel but he’s not completely stupid. And the fact that you gave grandpa his meds, including his radon shots, every day and night, made you the most obvious and ideal candidate.” She’s right of course. “They were going to need some way to explain the inexplicably high levels of radon in Dante’s system. So the most straight forward strategy would be to make it look like you were either knowingly, willfully, and purposefully trying to kill him, or at least make a solid case for elder abuse and negligent homicide.”
“That’s also why we felt we couldn’t go to the police at that point,” she says sadly. “We had no real idea how long Cage had been at this, except that it had been awhile. And we also had no idea just how much evidence he could have fabricated against you, how well he had covered his tracks. He wasn’t just a step ahead of us, he could have hiked the whole Appalachian trail for all we knew.”
“That’s probably also how he came up with the insulin and morphine ol’ switcheroo scheme,” Kane says.
Switcheroo? Bellamy can’t with this guy, he really just can’t.
“And this is where you lose me,” Miller interjects. “How do we jump from Long-term Radiation Poisoning to Lethal Morphine Overdoes to Slit Throat. Not that I don’t think it’s not possible,” he reassures them, "mostly because you are all insane,” he tacks on to the end. “It’s just that I’m gonna have to explain all this to a jury, and with those three potential causes of death, I can barely draw a Venn diagram… And juries love diagrams, so I’m gonna have to come up with something to show them.”
“Have you considered a histogram?” Kane asks, completely unhelpfully. “I know they have developed a somewhat questionable reputation in the chart and graph community, but there is really something to be said for…”
Miller just levels him with a glare that Bellamy is pretty sure could cut through bullet proof glass and Kane raises his hands in apparent surrender. “Just something to consider.”
“Anyway,” Clarke says, bringing them all back to the task at hand. “Like most heartless psychopaths, Cage is nothing if not a determined little creep. It’s why he has several restraining orders again him. I don’t even know how many it is at this point to be honest.” She glances over at Miller, “Could you look that up for me actually? I’ve always wondered and whenever I try to ask him about it he gets all testy.” Miller just looks at her disapprovingly, but when she turns away Bellamy sees Miller write a quick note on his pad and yeah, he’s totally looking that up. They’re all curious about how many it could possibly even be now.
“Since his quality poisoning time with grandpa had been severely limited once we figured out what he was doing, we knew he was going to come up with another plan. He once called 73 ‘Kate Johnstons’ trying to find a girl who had already changed her phone number once because he wouldn’t stop harassing her. His brand of Relentless Creeper Bravado knows no bounds,” she says with a disgusted, despairing look on her face.
“We could never tell exactly when it was going to happen or how it was going to go down,” Clarke said. “But we knew it would be coming eventually. Grandpa knew he would have to help you when the time came, and he also knew that I would need to be there to have your back and cover anything that might look like your tracks in the aftermath. I mean, I had to make it look like I was throwing you under the bus and then hanging you out to dry. But I really was trying to cover your ass. It’s a great ass, I would have hated for anything to happen to it,” Clarke grins a little like the cat that ate the canary and Bellamy can’t catch himself before he starts to grin back. It’s been a long day alright, there’s no way he’s going to be able to keep track of everything that’s happening and control his facial expressions at the same time, sue him.
God he would be a terrible murderer. There is just way too much going on, he would never have been able to keep all this straight.
“We knew we needed to make the plan, including the final cause of death, airtight so that no average cop would ever even consider you as a suspect. No offense,” she says, glancing over at Miller who just shrugs like he wouldn’t have even considered taking offense in the first place.
“So that’s when it was decided that Clarke would be the Moriarty to our Holmes and Watson,” Kane says with a flourish of his pipe.
“I want you to be the Watson to my Holmes on this Mr. Blake,” Kane had said a few days into the investigation. “As one of the last people to see Dante Wallace alive, you have a unique insight into his state of mind and what happened that frightful night… Whaddya say?”
“Sounds like a dream come true, sir.” Bellamy had deadpanned, biting his cheeks to keep from smiling when he heard Clarke inelegantly, and completely ineffectively, attempt to cover her snort of laughter from somewhere in the background.
Kane had just grinned at him. “The game is afoot, eh Watson?” he’d joked in his comically slow, exaggerated southern drawl. That time he was pretty sure Clarke didn’t even try to choke back her snickering.
“Wait…” Clarke says glancing up at Kane. “Would I technically be Moriarty or Irene?”
“Well,” Kane ponders, stroking that goddamn beard again. “You were technically good even thought you were pretending to be bad, so wouldn’t that make you Irene?”
“Yeah… But I was still pretending to be something I wasn’t, so wouldn’t that just make me Moriarty either way?”
“Guys,” Miller interrupts their exchange.
“Right. Sorry,” Clarke says, like she’s just remembering where she is and what’s happening. Kane, on the other hand, looks like he’s still deeply considering the question and will continue to do so for the time being.
“It was actually the slit throat that tipped me off in the first place,” Clarke says with a little shake of her head and a half smile, half grimace. “If grandpa was really going to commit suicide he would never do it by slitting his throat,” she explains.
“He refused to use it as the cause of death in any of his novels because he considered them ‘offensively unimaginative’ and ‘inelegantly pedestrian’,” Clarke says, doing her best Dante impression which, Bellamy must admit, is pretty good. “But it was an effective way to blatantly show that his death was definitely self-induced. So that’s how I knew that something had gone wrong,” Clarke explains. “And when you told me about the accidental morphine overdose I knew it had to be the King of Try Hard’s plan put in motion and that it was Go Time…. No pun intended,” she adds quickly.
Bellamy runs his hand over his face thinking about the Go board, which is probably locked up in evidence right now, covered in Dante’s blood.
“Apparently,” she continues with a look in her eyes that could only be described as ‘murder mode’, “grandpa Dante was taking too long to die for Cage, so he decided to expedite the process. He knew that grandpa would never be able to say no to his birthday cake at the party.”
It was his favorite, German chocolate. Cage special ordered a huge one from Dante’s favorite bakery just for his birthday Bellamy remembers sourly. “I can’t believe you lived through World War II just to keel over and die from a German induced sugar high,” Bellamy had teased him while Dante dug into his second piece.
“Maybe so,” Dante had grinned at him. “But what a way to go eh?” Bellamy had just chuckled and walked away. He remembers reminding himself to make sure Dante got his insulin that night, and to make sure he got the higher dosage.
He can’t smile or laugh about that memory now though. All he can do is remember the horror and heartbreak that came just a few short hours later. He can feel himself starting to panic as he remembered looking down at the tiny glass bottles that held Dante’s insulin and morphine prescriptions. The terror that almost made his heart stop when he realized he’d given Dante more than 200 milligrams of morphine instead of insulin — more than enough to be a fatal dose.
“Hey, hey, Bellamy you gotta breathe,” he hadn’t even registered her moving, but somehow Clarke was kneeling right in front of him. Bellamy sucks in a deep breath through his mouth, but somehow the oxygen still doesn’t reach his lungs and he starts gasping for air.
He remembers the horror that washed over him as he realized: he’d switched the medication vials; the way it grew and started squeezing his lungs and clawing at his throat as he discovered that the emergency Naloxone was missing from his med kit. He remembers the feeling of urgency washing over him while he quickly told Dante what he did and picked up the phone to dial 911. The confusion when Dante pulled the phone cord out of the wall telling Bellamy they needed to “not be too hasty” and “to think this through” all the while Bellamy desperately trying to tell him that he only had ten minutes.
“Ten minutes until what?” he’d asked blandly.
“Ten minutes until you’re dead Dante! Like, stone cold dead. No do overs, no take backs.” Bellamy remembers trying to yell, but what came out was high pitched, hysterical panic. “We need to get you an ambulance NOW!” He’d lunged for the phone again, but Dante stopped him.
“Bellamy, son, listen to me right now,” Dante had said in his most serious I Am Dante Wallace and I Am Not Fucking Around voice. “If it’s only ten minutes, I’m already as good as gone. There is no way an ambulance could ever get here in ten minutes. We are too far from a main road, too far back on the property.”
“Dante, listen… There is no time, you have to listen! We have to get you help!” Bellamy had begged him, not even trying to maintain any of his composure at that point.
“Stop it! Stop this, Bellamy!” Dante had said, his voice even more serious and harsh. “Don’t you understand? If what you said is true, there is no saving me. If you call for help, the authorities will find you and a dead body and you will be in serious trouble for this. Trouble that you may never recover from.”
“I don’t care!” Bellamy had yelled. “I’ll deserve it!” I killed you, he’d wanted to scream. You’ll be dead and it will be all my fault.
“Think Bellamy, think about this. What about your sister? If you are tied up in, or even bankrupted by, lawsuits and legal proceedings and very possibly end up having to serve jail time, who will take care of Octavia? Who will be there for her? Who will protect her?”
Bellamy had glared over at Dante, he knew O is Bellamy’s kryptonite. He’s right though, Bellamy can’t just leave his baby sister alone in the world, not when he’s the only family she has left. Not when she’s relying on him, when he’s putting a roof over her head and making sure she eats and sleeps and does all those things young adults seem to constantly forget to do. Not when he’s paying for her health insurance and car insurance and putting her through college and planning on helping her with grad school. All with the money he made from this job. Fuck. He can’t just abandon her, can’t bring her whole life crashing down around her. He can’t do to her what was done to him when their mother died.
Dante must have noticed the change in Bellamy’s demeanor because he’d placed his hands on Bellamy’s shoulders and said, “We have to get you out of this. If you go down for this, your family will be broken again, but we aren’t going to let that happen are we? You need to listen to me very carefully and do exactly as I tell you… Will you do this Bellamy? This last thing. For me. For your family.”
He remembers trying to calm himself down and snap himself out of the overwhelming, panic-stricken haze that had overtaken his brain as he tried to pay attention to all of Dante’s instructions. He remembers the frenzied anxiety that he felt trying to remember what Dante had told him to do. Was it the drain pipe on the left or the right side of the house? Was he supposed to turn off the road before or after the tiered fountain?? What was the back-gate lock combination again??? Bellamy had known every single lock combination on the estate for years, but in that moment it had taken him at least six guesses. He remembers the frantic need to get as far away from the estate as quickly as he possibly could as he was driving home.
He remembers walking into his apartment and all the adrenaline that must have been keeping him upright completely disappearing. He remembers dragging himself into his room and lying in his bed all night, not sleeping a wink, just staring at his god awful beige colored bedroom ceiling, sobbing silent tears, a nifty little life hack he had picked up during childhood so as not to wake O who was usually sleeping in the room right next to his, if not in the actual bed right next to him. He remembers the freight train of emotions steamrolling over him as he realized that one of his best friends was dead. That he had killed one of the only true friends he’d ever had in this world.
The thing that he remembers most vividly of all though, was turning around to open the door to Dante’s study right after he’d stepped out to say “Fuck it. I’m calling you a goddamn ambulance, I don’t give a shit,” just in time to see Dante slitting his own throat.
“No, no, in through your nose and out through your mouth Bell,” Clarke says a little more urgently, jerking him back into the present moment. She grabs his hands and pushes her thumbs hard into the middle of his palms, trying to ground him. “Close your mouth and breathe through your nose and think about something else, like Kane’s stupid pipe. I know how much you hate that thing.”
Kane’s expression momentarily turns from concerned to offended. When he opens his mouth Bellamy just knows he’s about to launch into a diatribe about how pipes are traditional and sophisticated and all that shit. The thought makes Bellamy snort out a laugh which interrupts his breathing efforts and he starts gasping again.
Then Kane comes to kneel next to Clarke and looks at Bellamy with the first serious, sincere expression he thinks he’s seen from the man since he met him. “Bellamy, son,” he starts in that ridiculous drawl that Bellamy is sure must be greatly exaggerated, if not totally fake, but doesn’t really know enough about Southern dialect to call him out on it.
“Bellamy listen to me,” Kane goes on, making Bellamy meet his eyes and squeezing his shoulder. “You didn’t kill him, son. You did not kill Dante or do anything that led to or resulted in his death. You are an innocent man, Bellamy Blake.”
Bellamy tries to listen to what they are saying to him, but it sounds like they are talking under water and he feels like he’s drowning.
Miller rushes back into the room with a styrofoam cup that he gives to Clarke who then thrusts it into one of his hands while keeping hold of the other. “Here,” she says decisively, like somehow this cup is going to single handedly subdue the sheer panic tsunami that’s still building up inside him. Maybe they just think he needs something to throw up in. When Bellamy looks down at the cup though, he sees that it's full of ice cubes. “Now start crunching and breathe through your goddamn nose.” He does what he’s told and can’t believe she remembers such a small, insignificant detail like that this is his mental breakdown self-medication of choice.
They had been at the Dropship Diner for about an hour or two, and it was during one of the lulls in their anxiety inducing and more than a little depressing conversation about What the Actual Fuck Happened to Dante that he'd noticed her staring at him.
“What?” he’d asked. “Do I have something on my face?”
Clarke had blinked like someone just woken her up from a coma and then shaken her head a little ruefully. “No,” then she’d smiled slyly at him. “Well… At least not anything you can fix.”
He’d snorted. “So just thinking about who you’re going to hire to slowly and painfully kill me to avenge your grandfather’s death then?” He’d only been about half teasing, give or take. Clarke was very much her grandfather’s granddaughter in that she could be downright terrifyingly intimidating when she wanted to be.
She’d cackled at that. “Definitely not,” she’d laughed. “I mean, why outsource a job I could easily do myself?” Bellamy wouldn’t put it past her to be honest, but her grin while she said it had made the would be threat completely ineffective, and he could feel some of his nerves finally begin to settle a bit.
“I’m honestly just wondering how in the world you still have any teeth,” she'd said, shaking her head. “Did you make some kind of dental deal with the devil? Can he do something about my molars? I mean, I know I clench my jaw all the time, but them chipping so often feels a little dramatic.”
He’d barked out a laugh. “What?”
“Well I’ve watched you chew your way through cup after cup of ice water with the hyper focus of some kind of robot beaver on meth, but I don’t think you’ve actually drank a single drop of actual water.”
Bellamy looks around him and sees that yep, there are about eleven half empty water glasses in front of him that he had sucked the ice out of with the tenacity of a Roomba.
He runs a shaky hand through his hair. “Just a weird coping mechanism,” he’d told her. “I started doing it as a kid. We were too poor to get me on any actual anxiety medication or pay for me to do something constructive with all my nervous energy, like ice dance kickboxing or therapeutic underwater basket weaving or whatever it is you rich kids do.” She’d snorted at that but still nodded her head as if to say fair enough. “But between all my mom’s shitty, drug addict boyfriends and being my little sister’s primary caregiver while still trying to get good enough grades to not get kicked out of the charter school I was in, I had a lot of nervous energy. So yeah, ice chomping it was.”
“Wow,” she’d said. “That took a real hard left from cute childhood anecdote to tragic backstory really quickly. Never even saw the plot twist coming.”
“Yeah, I’ve got a few of those,” he'd told her, trying for a joking tone but completely missing it, if the way her expression had softened was any indication.
"I know you do.” She'd said quietly.
“You know you’d make a perfect broody detective with a tragic childhood in one of my grandpa’s books,” she’d said lightly, obviously trying to bring the levity back to the conversation. “You know, the dramatic ho, asshole with a heart of gold type who says shit like ‘they work outside of the law, but on the side of justice’ .”
He’d just shaken his head and smiled ruefully at her before putting his head in his heads, thinking about how much he was going to fucking miss Dante and willing himself not to start crying again. He’d cried more in those past few days than he had in a long time.
“SO!” she’d said loudly all perk and pep, clapping her hands like an annoyingly upbeat cheerleader and jolting him out of his reverie. “What are we gonna do about the whole ‘you potentially being caught propelling down a drain pipe with the stealth of a cat thrown into a swimming pool a few minutes after grandpa’s overdose’ thing? Because even I gotta say… That one is gonna be a toughie.”
Of course she remembers, he muses, she’s Clarke. And even though he’d never admit it, he’s pretty sure he remembers every single small, insignificant detail he’d ever learned about her too. She’s Clarke after all, his Clarke. The thought comes with such startling clarity and certainty that it’s what finally manages to snap him all the way out of the deep, dark panic hole he had been digging.
He opens his eyes and sees that Kane has moved away giving him some space. But Clarke is still there, holding his hand tightly in hers and stroking her thumb gently over his knuckles. She’s looking up at him from her place on the floor; all soft, concerned blue eyes and earnest, encouraging heartbreaker smile and yeah, he thinks, definitely His Clarke.
“Did you hear what Kane said, Bell?” she asks gently. “You’re innocent, you didn’t do it.”
Bellamy opens his mouth to contradict her, but Miller interrupts him before he can say anything, “It’s true Mr. Blake. Dante Wallace’s official cause of death is in fact blood loss from a self-inflicted stab wound.”
Bellamy opens his mouth again to point out that Dante never would have cut his own throat if Bellamy hadn’t fucked up and given him a huge overdose of morphine, but Miller also interrupts him again. “The toxicology screens and blood tests conducted as part of Mr. Wallace's autopsy also showed that there was no morphine in his system at all, just his normal dosage of insulin. In fact, the only abnormality found on Mr. Wallace's tox screens was an irregularly high level of radon in his system. Inexplicably high, even for someone who had been undergoing regular treatments of radiation or chemotherapy for some time. You didn’t give Dante Wallace an overdose of morphine or any other drug.”
Bellamy just sits there, totally speechless and completely dumbfounded.
“Now that Wallace’s deathly has been unequivocally ruled a suicide, neither you, nor anybody else, is under investigation for his murder,” Miller says firmly.
“But,” he goes on and Bellamy feels his gut clench again. There’s always a but. “In anticipation of the potential event that Dante Wallace’s death was not a suicide, we started considering potential motives. With a man like Dante and his considerable fortune and assets, as I’m sure you could imagine, money was obviously the first thing we came up with.”
“Dante’s oldest child, Abigail Caroline Griffin had no financial motive to want him dead that we could find.” Miller said nodding at Clarke. “Nor could we find any financial motive for his other daughter Antonia Elizabeth Kingcade. Like, none. Absolutely. Whatsoever.” And damn, Bellamy knew that was the god’s honest truth.
Not only was Nia still getting alimony and child support for Ontari from her ex-husband, who somehow managed to make more money than she did, he knew that Nia regularly made a killing in her own career. Figuratively that is; although it’s totally possible Nia actually kills people as part of her job, he wouldn’t be that surprised. Bellamy never knew what exactly it was that Nia did honestly; every time he’d try to ask someone, including her own son, they would open their mouths and start to answer him only to say something like “huh” and scratch their heads trying to figure out if they just couldn’t remember or ever even knew in the first place. Eventually they would start to look like they were thinking so hard they might hurt themselves, so Bellamy would just say “never mind” and eventually gave up trying to find out. All he really knew about what Nia did for a living was that she did a lot of it and that she did it very well. Well enough to land herself a spot on the high ends of all those “Fortune 500,” “50 Most Influential Under 50,” “Lifestyles of the Super Rich and Powerful,” "Have Never Paid Their Federal Income Taxes," "We Could Probably End First World Poverty But Just Choose Not To," lists that magazines like Forbes and Time made year after year.
“His oldest son Cage Bradford Wallace however,” Miller says with a pained look on his face like the name is so douchey it offends him to have to say it. Bellamy will hand it to him that it is an offensively douchey name. It's almost like his parents knew he was going to be an offensive douche bag and named him accordingly, “had more motivation than a Richard Simmons workout video. Turns out that Wallace Jr. has been running his ‘investment firm’ less as a business and more as a personal piggy bank. We think he figured out a long time ago that it was going to catch up with him and that he was going to have to somehow magically replace all the money he’d stolen from his investors. But apparently the scheme he came up with the get that money was less magical and more... attempted homicidal.”
“We have a forensics team sweeping his home, his car, and his office right now as well as digging through all his trash,” Miller says. “And I’m not a betting man… At least not during the week anyway… But I am more than willing to bet we are going to find radon residue all over Cage’s entire life from the past year or so.”
The door swings open, interrupting Miller’s monologue, which he looks vaguely put out by. “Not probably, definitely.” It’s Detective Reyes, Miller’s partner and head of the forensics team on the case, and who is the same brand of disconcertingly intelligent and unnervingly observant that Clarke is.
The first time he’d met her, she’d been taking his fingerprints and DNA sample and collecting fingernail scrapings and whatever else it is forensic people collect. He was having a hard time focusing at that point, the panic fog still hanging thick over his brain.
“Okay, you’re all set!” She’d declared when she was finished with whatever it was she was doing. “I’ll let you get back to your cat.”
“My…?” he’d started, staring dumbly at her.
“Your… cat…,” she’d said slowly, like she was trying to explain the rules of Candy Land to a four year-old. “Orange Calico, I’m pretty sure… Might be a Tabby though.”
“How did you…?”
She’d reached over to pluck off a tiny orange hair Sphinx must have left on his jacket that his heavy-duty lint roller didn’t catch. Then she’d just grinned like a wolf and left him with a cheery “have a nice day!” and blown out of the room in a whirlwind as quickly as she came in.
“We also strongly suspect that Carl Emerson Wallace is a co-conspirator in his father’s death,” Kane adds flipping his little coin thingy again. Bellamy decides that he really doesn’t need to work both the pipe and the coin at the same time. One would be enough for him to maintain whatever vibe he’s going for. Bellamy still isn’t completely sure what that vibe is exactly, but at this point he’s a little too afraid, and mostly too tired, to ask. 
“Not only did he also have a financial motive,” Reyes says letting a stack of file folders drop loudly onto the table and making everyone in the room jump, “being that he too was broke. But a search of his car turned up a small vial of Naloxone, which he has no business or reasonable explanation for having in the first place. And it will likely prove to be the emergency Naloxone missing from your kit.”
The emergency Naloxone Bellamy needed that night. The Naloxone that would have saved Emerson’s own father’s life. Bellamy can’t help but clench his jaw and tighten his hold on Clarke’s hand. Fucking Emerson, this would be the one time he manages to do something vaguely useful or slightly right.
“Okay. Ow. Bell,” Clarke interrupts his mental tirade by poking his leg. “I know I’m not your favorite person right now, but maybe we can negotiate about which of my appendages you get to rip off? Because I like my fingers, and I just got this manicure.”
Bellamy looks down to see that Clarkes fingers are literally turning white in his grip. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly letting go of her hand. He can’t help but chuckle, both at himself and over the fact that Clarke doesn’t know she’s basically his favorite person in any given room at any given time. Even, evidently, when she’s fake framing him for murder.
She just smiles ruefully at him and gives his hand one more warm, reassuring squeeze before making her way back to where she had been sitting on the other side of the table. He wants to drag her back over to him; to take her hand back in his and fold her under his arm and know she’s on his side again. But he doesn’t, he can maintain some level of chill. He can.
“We knew Cage would fuck up at some point,” Clarke says once she’s settled. “He might be a clever little douche canoe, but he’s not that smart. And his first major fuck up was thinking you would fuck up.”
"He switched are the vials in your med kit," Miller says when Bellamy looks at him questioningly, "or had someone switch them around for him, as the case may be."
Fucking Emerson.
"It was as simple as using the syringes in your kit to switch the liquids in the insulin and morphine medication vials, and then taking the emergency Naloxone as a precaution," Reyes explains. "So simple even an idiot like Emerson could apparently do it."
Bellamy might just end up in jail for murder after all before this is over, because he is going to fucking kill Emerson.
“Apparently, the one thing Cage didn’t count on was that, unlike him, you are actually competent at your job,” Kane says pulling several small vials out of his bag on the floor next to him and setting them on the table in front of Bellamy. "Not just competent; dedicated, skilled, exceptional, unerringly so it turns out. And for that reason, you did not give Dante an overdose, you did not use the incorrect medication. You switcherooed the switcheroo."
Bellamy can't even be annoyed at Kane's word choice, because he is genuinely to stunned to think straight.
“That’s impossible,” he manages to choke out. “I was there… I know what I… I know I gave him an overdose.”
“No, you didn’t,” Kane counters. “Here, I’ll show you… Hand me that vial of morphine.”
Without thinking Bellamy grabs the bottle of morphine from the table and hands it to Kane, who takes it from him grinning. “If you look Mr. Blake, you’ll see that I have taped over the labels of all these medication vials, and the vials themselves are identical… So how did you know this was the morphine?”
“I just knew,” Bellamy says shocked as hell and honestly surprised he can talk.
“Yes, you just knew. You knew because there are the slightest, almost imperceptible difference of tincture and viscosity between all these liquids. You knew because you had administered these exact same medications to Dante Wallace steadfastly and without fail every night for years. You knew because you'd done it hundreds, if not thousands, of times. You gave him the correct medication because you are a good care giver.”
“Then Dante was…?”
“I’m sorry Mr. Blake, but yes,” Kane says sadly. “Mr. Wallace was perfectly fine. His blood was normal. The cause of death was truly, solely suicide, and you are guilty of nothing but some slight property damage in the form of a broken drainpipe and a few amateur, albeit impressive, theatrics. In fact, if he had listened to you and called the ambulance, he would be alive today.”
Bellamy swears his heart actually breaks in that moment. He can feel the sharp, relentless pain starting in his chest and radiating through his entire body as he puts a hand over his mouth and chokes out a strangled sob.
“Yeah,” Clarke says sounding and looking absolutely miserable. “You would think he would have learned at some point to just listen to you,” she tries to tease, but it doesn’t quite land.
“Anyway,” she says curtly, quickly wiping a tear off her cheek like it’s personally offending her. “Once we found out that grandpa had left you literally everything, Cage was even more likely to start getting sloppy and desperate. But what we couldn’t have happen was for us to wait for Cage to dig his own grave and have you go down in the meantime. And I just so happened to be the perfect scapegoat,” a little bit of her grin coming back. “The greedy, self-obsessed granddaughter whose more than willing to hang ‘the help’ out to dry so she can get her perfectly moisturized hands on her share of granddaddy dead and dearest’s dough.”
It’s in that moment that Bellamy actually understands just how immeasurably huge of a gamble Clarke took in risking her ass for this. Sure, it was a calculated risk, with several elaborate fail safes and back up plans, but still. As he begins to truly appreciate what Clarke had done, what she had been willing to do, all for him, to keep him out of trouble. The guilt settles over him like a dark, heavy cloud. He’s spent days hating her. He has said some truly heinous things about her in anger. He had no second thoughts about believing the absolute worst of her. She’s supposed to be his friend. He should have known she would never truly do something like try to frame him for murder she committed. Hell, he should have known that she wasn’t even capable of committing any type of murder at all, much less the one of a person she loved. Clarke could never in any time, dimension, or universe do anything like that. Not his Clarke.
She must notice the heaviness settle over him because when he opens his mouth to start apologizing to her, he’s not above begging really, she puts her hand up and says “I know what you’re gonna say, and don’t… I also know exactly what you’re thinking, and stop.” Honestly he’s sure she really does know, she always knows somehow.
“Yeah sure it was risky,” she says with a shrug, like possibly going down for first degree murder is about as potentially risky as buying a lottery ticket. “But, given the fact that I didn’t actually kill grandpa Dante, they never would have been able to come up with much more than a pretty weak, completely circumstantial case against me… Again, no offense,” she says to Miller who just nods as if to say ‘well, it’s not untrue.’
“And besides, it’s not like I couldn’t afford adequate legal representation who could have totally gotten me out of it. I mean, we might have had to sell one of the summer homes, but it’s like they always say: victory stands on the back of sacrifice,” she says with a completely straight face.
That does startle a bark of a laugh out of him, but the guilt is still there. It’s pinched between his eyebrows and clenched in his fists and sitting heavy in his gut. He knows he won’t be free of it until he really gets to talk to her. Just the two of them. Together. But this clearly isn’t the time or the place to do it. There’s already way too much going on.
“Here’s what I don’t get,” Miller interrupts, startling Bellamy. He had genuinely forgotten Miller was there, or that they were in a police station, and pretty much everything else that was happening. Clarke tends to have that effect on people. Well, mostly him, that he knows of; but he’s sure there are others somewhere. “Why not just tell Bellamy all of this?”
“Kane wasn’t just being figurative or facetious when he said Bellamy was ‘too honest’ to be in on it,” Clarke says. “He is literally incapable of being a convincing enough liar for us to have told him anything about it. He has an unfortunately obvious tell when he tries to lie.”
Ah, so Dante told her about the stutter. Bellamy knows he shouldn’t be surprised really, especially now that he knows Clarke was Dante’s ghost writer. And Clarke was observant as hell, it was totally possible that she just picked up on it herself. He tried not to make it a habit to lie to his employers, but when you are working for the impossibly rich and impossible to please, sometimes it’s necessary. He could usually make it through a quick fib without his voice shaking too much, but he knew it was still noticeable if you were paying attention or looking for it.
“Yeah,” he says with a grimace. “It’s a little nervous habit I picked up during childhood.” He knows that’s putting it very, very lightly. He’s not sure exactly how much Dante would have told Clarke about how Bellamy developed the “stammers when he tries to lie” thing. Probably not much, considering the fact that it’s not a particularly fun or entertaining story to tell.
It had started with one of his mom’s shitty boyfriends, who happened to be O’s dad, which came with the unfortunate side effects of him not just being around for a while, but actually living with them for an extended period of time. While all of Aurora Blake’s boyfriends had been shitty humans in general, this one’s particular brand of shiftiness was a drug induced one. The guy, whose name Bellamy refuses to remember on principle, was a crazy, paranoid tweaker who had decided that 10 year-old Bellamy was somehow the root cause of all his problems and the bane of his entire existence.
When Aurora was at work he would yell and scream and threaten Bellamy for hours on end, sometimes keeping him up until the early hours of the morning when his mom had to work the night shift. He would sit Bellamy down at the kitchen table and pace around the kitchen, using the “bad cop” style of interrogation that Bellamy recognized from those crime shows he definitely didn’t secretly watch while his mom was at work or he was at a friend’s house. He would accuse Bellamy of lying to him, of stealing from him, of spying on him, having him followed, trying to take over his mind, trying to body snatch him. Of being everything from a Ded to a demon haunting the apartment to a rare alien species trying to take over the world and make humans their slaves.
Eventually he started throwing in threats about hurting his Mom and O, who was still just an infant at the time, and Bellamy got so terrified of the dude’s escalating behavior that he just started making things up and telling him what he wanted to hear. Typically, this would appease him and he would calm down for a while until he shot up again and the process started all over. Bellamy would admit to anything, confess anything, say literally anything just to make it stop.
He got so used making things up that he almost couldn’t tell what was the truth and what was lies anymore, except for one thing that kept them apart for him. Bellamy would try to come up with stories so quickly and talk faster than he could think and get so terrified and nervous that whenever he came up with a lie, he would stutter, desperately making things up as he went, just trying to get it out before the yelling and screaming started all over again. It started happening with other people and in normal, everyday conversations too. And before he knew it, he couldn’t even tell a simple fib without breaking out into cold sweats and stammering uncontrollably.
That had gone on for what was probably way too long, until it eventually escalated into the shitty boyfriend demanding Aurora kick Bellamy out because he was actually some kind of government drone sent to spy on them. For what reason the government would give enough of a fuck about this deadbeat, drug head to send a drone to spy on him, Bellamy could never figure out. And it was honestly kind of a moot point anyway because Aurora had ultimately refused, obviously. While she had horrible taste in men and difficulties holding down a job, she made for damn sure that no one fucked with her kids.
It was after that incident that Aurora sat Bellamy down and explained to him that while she counted on him to look after his sister, he also needed to look out for himself. That she wanted to look out for the both of them, so she needed to know when someone treated either of them badly, or he thought someone was treating her badly. That if anyone ever hurt or scared him or his sister, or gave him a bad feeling, he could tell her and they would be gone, no questions asked. And to Bellamy’s surprise she actually kept that promise for the remainder of her life. But unfortunately, “the rest of her life” would only be a few more short years. He lost a lot of things when his mom passed: he lost her, he lost his sister for a while, he lost his home, and he lost any small sense of stability and security he’d had in his life. But the stammer stubbornly refused to take a hike. Now it’s just a part of his everyday life, a quirky personality trait. At best, it’s a fun, if not kind of bizarre, party trick. And at worst, it’s some stubbornly residual PTSD resulting from a depressingly tragic back story that Bellamy probably should have gotten years of therapy for. And hey, now that he’s loaded, he can actually afford it.
Dante had found it absolutely fascinating. He even used an adaptation of it in one of his books. One of the main characters in the novel was a young woman who had a “regurgitative reaction to mistruthing” or, in other words, she blew chunks every time she even thought about telling a lie. Bellamy hadn’t particularly cared for that rather unflattering iteration of his condition. But apparently Dante’s publisher’s thought it was inspired and his readers went absolutely nuts for it, so he just got over himself.
“But grandpa Dante didn’t need to know any of that to be sure that you were the right person to trust to leave in charge of his estate,” Clarke says. “I still can’t believe how genuinely shocked some of them were that he would leave you something… Leave you everything even… I saw it coming honestly.”
“See my grandpa knew you Bellamy Blake. Even when he found out he couldn’t trust his own family, his own children, even we he thought he could no longer trust his own judgment, he knew he could trust you. He knew you wouldn’t sell his stories or his company off to whoever was the highest bidder like Nia wanted to, that you would make sure it went into the hands of someone who would respect his vision. He knew you would never do something as cruel as leave Maya in the lurch with her blood transfusions, but would be able to keep Emerson from seeing ‘one red dime’.”
Bellamy can’t help but smile at Clarke’s use of one of her grandfather’s favorite dramatic epitaphs; but at the same time, he feels his gut clench at the memory of the phone call he got from Maya the other day while he and Clarke were sitting in the Dropship Diner, staring at what had to have been at least their fourth pot of coffee.
“Hey Bellamy,” she had sounded nervous, her voice strained.
“Maya? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
“No… I was just wondering if you had decided what you were going to do yet? With grandpa’s estate? Are going to keep it or…?” she trailed off at the end.
“I don’t know yet Maya,” he’d told her. “I’m still in shock my head is spinning, I can’t even…”
“I think you need to give it back,” she interrupted him in a harsh tone she’d never used with him before. “I mean, it’s the right thing to do Bellamy. This family… We were always good to you. We’ve always been really good to you and your sister… It wouldn’t be right just taking everything from us like that… It was shitty of grandpa to put you in this position and I think you really just need to…”
She’s rambling, her voice is getting even more high pitched, it sounds like she’s panicking. Somethings not right, he can tell. “Maya, slow down okay. Just… Tell me what’s going on.”
He hears her choke back something like a hysterical sob.
“Shitgoddamnitfuck,” she sounds even worse. “I can’t do this. God, I’m sorry Bell! I’m so fucking sorry I’m…”
“It’s fine,” he tries to keep his voice level, nonchalant, reassuring. “Just tell me what’s up.”
“My dad can’t afford my treatment on his own.” Bellamy swears he can feel his balls drop and a cold dread settles over him. “My dad is… He’s broke Bell… He can’t pay for them, grandpa was paying for everything and now he’s not and I don’t know what will happen if I stop being able to get my treatment Bellamy, I don’t even know if I’ll…”
Bellamy knows: she’ll die. Maybe not right away, but eventually, her condition will turn from manageablely life threatening to undoubtedly fatal. Without the ridiculously expensive medication she has to take and her bi-weekly dialysis and transfusions, her blood will start clotting, her immune system will stop being able to fight off infection, her bone marrow will break down, and her body will collapse in on itself. He’s not a doctor or nurse, but he’s been around enough sick people to know what all the big words and scary jargon add up to.
He was there a few years back when the Wallaces called one of their rare Official Family Meetings and were told that Maya’s aplastic anemia had progressed to full blown paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria. He was there when Dante called in doctor after doctor and flew in experts and specialists from around the world to get 2nd and 3rd and eventually 12th and 13th opinions. He was there when Maya would stay over at the estate for days at a time, not wanting to be home alone while her step-dad went off on one of his “business trips,” (aka his week-long benders in Vegas or Miami or where ever there wasn't currently a warrant out for his arrest for some kind of misdemeanor). He was there when Maya would break down and crack under the depression and the fear of dying. And he was there when Dante would cry on his shoulder over the helplessness he felt that, even with all his fame and fortune and infinite resources, he couldn’t fix this for her.
God, it was just like Emerson to blow through all their money without giving a second thought to his 16 year-old step daughter and her life threatening condition for which she needed continuous care for the foreseeable future. Bellamy never got the chance to know Ada Vie, Maya’s mom, very well; but at least he knew she loved and took care of her daughter. He could never figure out why the fuck Emerson got married in the first place, especially to a woman who already had a kid. He had no interest in being a husband and even less interest in being a dad. Bellamy had always slightly suspected he married Ada for her own family money, and now that he knows Emerson has blown through it all, it’s not even a suspicion anymore. Ada had died suddenly a few years after they got married, and after the dust settled Emerson was left with a step-daughter and dependent whose share of her mother’s estate he controlled and had apparently plowed over like a goddamn 18-wheeler on the interstate.
“Hey listen to me Maya,” she’d been crying in earnest at that point, still apologizing for trying to guilt and manipulate him. “No matter what I decide, nothing bad is going to happen to you. I won’t let it, I would never do that,” he’d promised her. And he’d meant it. Dante was always more of a father figure to Maya than Emerson ever was, and Bellamy knew beyond all shadow of any possible doubt that Dante would have wanted Maya to be taken care of.
He hadn’t been able to figure out why Dante hadn’t left anything to Maya or any instructions about her care in his Will, but now it was clear. Maya was underage and would be for the next two years. Until she turned 18 her legal guardian would have control over the funds left to her as well as if and how they were used. And that legal guardian would have been Emerson. After finding out that Emerson had not only been scamming him, but also using Maya’s inheritance from her mother as his own personal piggy bank, there was no way Dante would have ever trusted his son with this.
“The only one of his kids Dante really worried about cutting out of the will was my mom. But in the end, he knew she would respect his decision like she always did, even when she didn’t understand it. Besides,” Clarke grins, “it’s not like she was left high and dry or anything. My dad left her with a pretty cushy set up when he died.”
Jacob Griffin, also known as Mr. Go-Green; the environmental engineer responsible for most of the prototypes used for the U.S.’s eco-friendly technology. The man who helped spearhead sustainable energy as the world knew it. Yeah, Bellamy could imagine his wife wouldn’t have much to worry about after he died, and his daughter too.
As if Clarke could tell what he’s thinking she adds, “I mean obviously he set me and Madi up nicely too. But honestly, I do pretty well for myself… Who knew that working as a research assistant and ghost writer for one of the most famous crime novelists in history would be so lucrative?!” There’s that smirk of hers again. This time he doesn’t even try to stop himself from smiling back as he feels the last bit of the knot that’s been in his stomach since Dante died finally begin to fade.
“We figured Roan wouldn’t be too much of a problem either since he hates this family’s money on principle and probably wouldn’t have even taken his part of Nia’s inheritance in the first place. Plus,” she goes on, “he would be on the opposite side of his mother and sister purely out of spite. Apparently he’s not hurting for cash either,” she adds. “Did you know that he owns the largest and most lucrative chain of non-medicinal marijuana dispensaries in the North Eastern U.S? Roan, an entrepreneur… Who knew right?!?”
Bellamy actually did know that; Roan told him once while they were commiserating over some of Dante’s good whiskey. What he didn’t know was that Roan was keeping it under wraps or not telling his family though, apparently the combination of top shelf liquor and good weed makes Roan chatty. Or maybe it was just Bellamy that made Roan chatty. Bellamy has that effect on people, as it turns out. Yet another one of his sparkling personality traits that seems to get him in predicaments like the one he is in now.
“I’m kinda jealous of how much he’s winning at life honestly,” Clarke groans. “God… How did the cousin who thought he could practice Santaria and unironically wore dreads and spent multiple summers following Black Sabbath around on their world tours end up being the one with a successful career and functional relationship?”
“According to E!News he’s dating that insanely hot, Icelandic supermodel with no last name. God what is her name?” Clarke starts tapping her head like she’s trying to poke her brain into submission. “Gecko…? Ghetto…? Techno…?”
“Echo.” Miller says in a patronizing tone implying that not only Clarke, but everyone on this planet, in this world should be aware of the information.
“Yes!” Clarke cries out, snapping her fingers at him and making Bellamy jump, “ECHO! Oh my god thank you, that was going to drive me nuts!”
Miller nods at her like he’s willing to let it go this time, but he won’t tolerate such an infraction again.
“Pft you would know that,” Reyes chimes in with a scoff. “I swear, for a dude who is strictly dickly, you are more knowledgeable about supermodels than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re like a walking Hot Chick Encyclopedia.”
“Don’t you have something to be analyzing with some super overpriced high techy-tech thing that we paid way too many hard working, taxpayer dollars for somewhere?” Miller asks her wryly.
“Roger that, chief.” She says with a mock salute.
“So nice to meet you by the way!” she says to Kane on her way out the door. “I’m a huge fan… You’re so much taller in person than I thought you’d be.”
Kane beams radiantly at her and places his hand over his heart like that was the most touchingly gratifying compliment he had ever received. And with that, Reyes breezes out of the room, flicking her perfect pony tail behind her.
“Anyway,” Clarke says, presumably finished with her lamenting and ready to get back to business. “Grandpa knew that those of us he actually wanted to leave money to didn’t actually need it or honestly didn’t give enough of a fuck to try to get our hands on it. My mom and I are set. We both have plenty of savings, we both work, and we’ll have no problem making sure Madi goes to good schools and can take up all the ridiculously expensive and completely useless hobbies she wants.” Bellamy snorts at that and Clarke grins again.
“Roan and his inhumanly hot girlfriend are off conquering the weed market, one pot lollipop at a time, and Maya’s medical care would be taken care of. You were the perfect choice.
“But unfortunately,” Kane says gravely, “that also made you even more of a target for Cage.”
“Idiot kept his cool for about a day and a half after you were released before he tried to hire a hitman,” Miller scoffs.
Bellamy startles at that, “He what?”
“Oh don’t worry,” Miller says waving him off, a scooch too nonchalant about Bellamy's life hanging in the balance for his liking. “We had his phone tapped and got a warrant for his arrest as soon as he made the call.”
“He also just so happened to call an undercover federal agency posing as some kind of hitman concierge service. It’s like he Googled ‘hitmen in my area’ and then just called the first number that showed up. Pleeb,” Miller scoffs again, like the murder for hire business should be easier to figure out than a single serve Kuerig.
“He was brought in about an hour after you were,” Miller says, looking down as gets a message on his phone. “And apparently Emerson is being brought in right now, so I need to go deal with that and you two,” he says pointing at Bellamy and Clarke, “are free to go.”
As Miller is walking out of the room he says over his shoulder, “if you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to call Detective Reyes... Or Lieutenant Pike… Or Sargeant Byrne… Or even Petty Officer Jordan if you’re feeling desperate... Basically anyone but me to be honest. After this amount of white people nonsense, I’m going on sabbatical.” And with that he’s gone, letting the door slam behind him.
Kane says something about needing to greet his “adoring public” and fixes his bowtie as he starts to strut, all pomp, circumstance, and perfectly coiffed hair, towards the doors at the front of the station, while Bellamy follows Clarke as she heads to more discreet back exit.
Standing in the back parking-lot, she puts on her big floppy hat and hilariously huge sunglasses and Bellamy can’t help but remember the first time he ever encountered Clarke Griffin. It was right after he’d started working for Dante; Clarke had pulled up to the house in her latest model Mercedes Benz looking like she’d traipsed straight out of a Lily Pulitzer catalog, all impeccably dressed, and flawlessly made up, and perfectly curled blonde beautifulness. She’d skipped up the front steps announcing that her spring break trip to Cabo was canceled so she was here to visit her grandfather.
“You’re new,” she’d said, looking at him over the lenses of her ridiculously, unnecessarily large sunglasses that she was still wearing inside.
“I usually go by Bellamy,” he’d responded flatly.
Clarke had grinned at him like she approved, even though he didn’t give a single shit about getting her approval. He swears, he did not.
Then she’d stuck out her hand and said “I’m Clarke Griffin, the prodigal, heathen granddaughter.”
“Heathen?” he’d asked her raising an inquisitive eyebrow and shaking her hand.
“Feminist, agnostic, bisexual, liberal Democrat takes way longer to say,” she’d said, still smiling widely. “Nice to meet you.”
He’d had to put an embarrassing amount of effort into keeping a straight face and not give into her grin. “Uh huh,” he’d said “your grandpa is in his study.”
After that he’d though she was just another dumb, ditzy, blonde, rich princess who had no idea how privileged she was and did things like blow wild amounts of money on fancy cars and trips to Cabo and whatever else it was that princesses spent their money on because she could.
While he’d figured out very quickly that he couldn��t have been more wrong about the dumb, ditzy, and ignorant parts (and about the spoiled princess thing too, admittedly. But he refused to give up the nickname on principle because it got such a rise out of her and riling her up was one of his favorite pastimes. He might have never gotten past the whole “pony tail pulling” stage of flirtation, but he’s working on it. Mostly), he was right about Clarke doing things just because she could.
She definitely did things like blow money on exorbitantly expensive shoes and even more expensive booze; and take last minute trips on jets and yachts to the Hamptons or the Virgin Islands or wherever it is rich people go when they need to “unwind” from their completely stress free lives; and eat caviar on crackers as an “afternoon snack;” and get the same kind diamond infused nail polish manicures that Beyoncé does; and always have the latest models of cars and computers and even a moped that one time. All because she could.
But she also did things like give thousands of dollars and hours of her time to countless charities; and maintain multiple scholarships for low income students interested in STEM and sustainable energy in her dad’s name; and spend her winter vacations working at places like a Sri Lankan elephant orphanage or a battered women’s shelter in El Salvador; and buy staggeringly over the top generous birthday and Christmas gifts for Bellamy and Octavia like all new stainless steel kitchen appliances for their apartment because the ones they had were “tragic,” and those stupidly expensive running shoes O had had her eye on along with a new iPod because “She can’t run without an iPod, Bell. She’s not an animal”, and the annotated first editions of The Iliad and The Odyssey that her book dealer managed to find (because of course she had a book dealer), all of which she apparently got “great deals on” and refused to return because they were all conveniently “final sale;” and pay for everyone’s meals and bar tabs and cover charges and Uber rides and movie tickets and concert seats and amusement park passes and, a few notable times, their hospital bills without even thinking twice or accepting a word of thanks or asking for a penny in return. Just because she could.
He’d asked her once, about the gifts. “Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he’d said quickly. “Obviously I do. A lot. Like, so much. I’m just kind of wondering… ya know… why?“
“Because you deserve them,” she’d answered immediately without looking up from whatever she was viciously typing on her phone in her latest Twitter fight with whichever woefully misguided, conservative, alt right, incel, neck-beard, dude bro had dared to take her on that week.
Then she’d tilted her head up at him with her little smirk he was a completely normal amount of obsessed with. “And because I can.”
Once he’d gotten to know the real Clarke, he still couldn’t help but laugh and heckle her about her over dramatic eye and head wear that made her look like a widow visiting her convict pen pal turned clandestine lover in prison where he was serving time for tax fraud. She is absolutely one of those ridiculously over the top rich people and she absolutely knows it. But her ridiculousness is far surpassed by her kind-hearted, earnest generosity. That was just Clarke.
His Clarke.
“Oh! Before I forget!” Clarke exclaims, reaching into her absurdly large purse, which he must say goes perfectly with her attire. She pulls out a thick manila envelope and hands it to him. “Grandpa Dante wanted me to make sure this got to you. I mean, it’s technically yours anyway since he quite literally left you everything,” she smirks at him again. “But he especially wanted to make sure this made it directly into your hands.”
Their fingers brush as she hands him the envelope and instead of pulling away she twists his fingers into his. “Look Bell,” she starts awkwardly. “I know this was all really fucked up, like beyond fucked up, Kardashian levels of fucked up even… But I just want you to know I am so sorry.”
“More sorry than words can say. For every thing... And I totally get it if you can’t trust me anymore or don’t want to be friends with me,” she starts rambling. “I mean I probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me either after this. Honestly if I could ghost myself right now…”
Bellamy just chuckles and tugs on her hand until she’s close enough for him to press his lips to hers. It’s a totally chaste, 8th grade style kiss. But still, she lets out this little sigh against his lips; and if they weren’t literally standing in the parking lot of a police station right at this moment, the situation definitely would have escalated from tolerable PDA to public indecency.
Instead he just pulls his lips away but keeps his forehead pressing against hers. He opens his eyes and finally feels relaxed for the first time in what feels like an eternity. He’d been wondering where his ability to breath normally had run off to. Figures it had been with her the whole time.
“I’m trying to come up with something really smooth to say right now,” he says, “but I’ve been dealing with a little stress lately so I’m kind of off my game.”
“It’s ok,” Clarke says, eyes still closed, more than a little breathless he thinks proudly. “You’ve never been smooth, I don’t know why you would start now.”
He starts to object that he is the smoothest, but she just pulls his mouth back down to hers and he figures there are much better things his lips can be doing at this current juncture. And when she throws both her arms around his neck to get him closer he finds himself yet again wishing the nearest building weren’t literally full of cops so that he could press her up against the side of it.
When they pull away for air he can’t help but think about how damn smug as shit Dante would be about being instrumental in pushing Bellamy and Clarke together. This probably wasn’t quite how he imagined it going down, but still.
Dante had never outright pressured them, or come out and said they should go on a date, or anything of the sort. No, Dante knew his granddaughter needed to go at her own pace, knew she need time and space to grieve and move on after girlfriends’ death, and, most importantly, knew she would vehemently resist being ordered or pushed into anything. Instead he would find small, yet absurdly unsubtle ways, to nudge them towards each other, to suggested how they would be good together.
Sometimes it was Dante all of the sudden “feeling a tired spell” or “losing his appetite” when he had arranged for his personal chef to make a nice lunch for the three of them, leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone out on the patio, rolling their eyes and chuckling awkwardly into their salmon club sandwiches and sweet iced teas. Other times he would request Bellamy go pick up Clarke when she would work for him during the summer do he wouldn’t have to “wait around for Lincoln or bother him with such a short trip when Bellamy could easily do it,” all while Lincoln, Dante’s own personal chauffeur, sat approximately 20 feet away on the patio where he had been all morning, snorting behind his newspaper. And then there were the times when Dante would have an oddly specific, and usually vaguely ridiculous and completely unnecessary, errand he needed Clarke to run at the exact same time Bellamy would be running his own errands for Dante, and “oh well wasn’t that convenient that they could just go together?!”
Typically, Dante’s antics were met with raised eyebrows, unimpressed expressions, and the occasional snort or sigh from both of them. They had only ever acknowledged it between them once while they were on their way to Saks one summer a few years ago. Dante had decided he needed Clarke to pick out some new swim trunks for him for the pool he literally never used because “she had the best taste in seasonal attire” and needed Bellamy to go with her to make sure the material of whatever she picked out “wasn’t too scratchy.”
“I can’t decide,” she’d said flatly, “if I’m more offended by him thinking he’s actually fooling us with this, or by his clear belief in my total and complete lack of game.”
Bellamy had snorted while desperately trying to come up with something to say about how he thought she had great game, the best game ever, like Shaq level game, without sounding like a total moron when Clarke’s phone had pinged with another text notification.
“He said he also needs flip flops,” she’d said raising an eyebrow. “But the ones without ‘the thingies that go between your toes’.”
“God, what does it say about me that I actually know exactly what he’s talking about?” Bellamy had groaned in response.
She’d looked over at him and they had both burst out laughing. The moment may have been ruined, but he had always been of the opinion that laughing with Clarke Griffin was a moment in and of itself. She didn’t really, truly, genuinely laugh all that often. She would usually cackle or snort, and there was the occasional chuckle, but the only person who seemed to have the innate talent for well and truly cracking Clarke up was her grandfather. Bellamy would hear them both losing it over something or other behind the closed doors of Dante’s study when she would come visit him or do whatever work it was she did for him over the summer. It seemed like someone had taught Clarke at some point in her life that she was only allowed a finite amount of happy and carefree moments, so he always felt a weird sense of accomplishment when he got to witness one; and being the cause of one was even better.
He opens his eyes and sees that right now she’s wearing the biggest, brightest, most beautiful, bonafide Clarke Griffin smile he’s ever witnessed, and he’s more than a little smug that he put it there. They stand there for a minute, just breathing each other in, until she pulls away slightly and beams up at him.
“Well,” she says giving him one last peck on the lips. “You’re about to have to answer an entire metric shit ton of questions from the media who will probably be here in about 3 minutes and 47 seconds, give or take. And while I usually love a good press conference, I haven’t showered in about 3 days and there is no amount of dry shampoo in the world that could tame the epic tragedy that is currently my hair.”
She steps out of his arms and starts digging around in her Mary Poppins bag for her keys. “Wait...” he says incredulously, “you’re leaving me? To face them all alone?! Clarke, how am I supposed to give a press conference?!? You know I can barely even talk on the phone!”
“Oh Bell,” she says patting his shoulder affectionately. “You’re rich now… Rich people can do anything!”
“You’re a dick!” Bellamy calls as she starts walking towards her car.
“You know you love me!” she yells back and yeah, he definitely does. He’s not gonna tell her right this second or anything, but he does.
She blows him an exaggeratedly loud kiss as she hops into the driver’s seat and revs her engine obnoxiously as she speeds away and God he’s totally gonna marry her, he thinks grinning like an idiot, he has no doubt. He’s going to be the shameless, boy toy, arm candy, trophy husband of one of the coolest chicks in the entire world and it’s going to be awesome.
It’s not until hours later when Bellamy gets home that night (gets to his new home holy fucking shit), after Cage and Emerson’s very public arrests, after the press conference clearing Bellamy and Clarke of all wrong doing, after posing with Kane for an endless number of photographs. and after answering what had to be a floppily trillion questions for the media, that Bellamy remembers the envelope. He pulls it out of his bag and slowly opens the seal. Inside is a thick stack of papers with a letter on top in Dante’s messy scrawl.
Dear Bellamy,
Thank you for being a kindred spirit, a loyal friend, a kind heart, and an excellent listener these past few years. And thank you, most recently, for being most inspiring muse yet.

It felt only fair and just for you to be the first to read the completed debut novel of my newest series. I think it has some real potential, but it’s up to you whether or not it will continue.

I trust that you will find someone with the perfect head for it and leave it in the right hands.
 

Best,
 Dante H. Wallace
Bellamy sets down the letter and looks at what he now realizes is the title page of a manuscript... The Casefiles of Odysseus Private Investigations & Detective Augustus B. Blake
                            Book 1: The Gold That Killed King Midas.

On the next page he finds a dedication: for C and B, the head and the heart. Bellamy settles back into his new arm chair in front of his new fireplace in his new study and gets comfortable.


Prologue: Augustus had a sister, her name was Octavia…
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Tea- Natasha Romanoff
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Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton
Warnings: N/A
Request: Anon- Hiya! I really love this blog, and I'd like to request an imagine with Natasha from Avengers. Maybe the reader could be part of the Avengers and have healing powers and have a massive crush on Natasha but not sure if she likes women? Thank you xxx
Word Count: 523
Author: Charlotte
Your biscuit was mainly in a clump at the bottom of your cup of tea as you continued to swirl the remnants around absentmindedly. The hot beverage had completely become lost to you as you focused far more on your thoughts that had nothing to do with drinking a British favourite.
You had been part of the Avengers for quite a while and lived in the compound with the majority of them but you had begun to hate your job out of sadness that came with spending time with the woman you were in love with. You were open and proud about your sexuality, but you had fallen into the stereotype in falling desperately in love with a straight girl. Natasha was everything you wanted in a woman and although you loved spending time with her seen as she was the owner of your heart, it tore at you to see her constantly without being able to be honest about how you felt.
The sad and lost state you were in wasn’t lost to your company. Clint had been in the kitchen too and was rather disgusted with the drink you had seen as it was now mainly filled with chunks of digestive. He finally had enough as your fingers almost hit the hot liquid, losing the rest of the biscuit. He leaned across the table to snap his fingers in your face to gain your attention.
“What?” You snapped, shocked by the loud noise.
“You’ve wrecked your tea,” he stated. “You were thinking about Nat, again weren’t you?”
You shot him a glare, hating the fact that he knew about your crush and enjoyed teasing you about it.
“I’m just sick of liking straight girls,” you huffed.
He cocked an eyebrow at you. “You didn’t know. Natasha is bi.”
Before you could express your excitement, the subject of your conversation entered the room.
“What about me being bi?” Natasha asked.
Your cheeks practically glowed. You had spent so long thinking you had no chance with her, you never even considered that maybe she could like you too and maybe you would have to tell her that you were in love with her. Your mouth felt drier than it ever had as your brain raced with all the stupid shit you could accidentally say and end up scaring her off.
“I… urm… I… I… guess… well… I thought… that you… erm… that you were straight,” you rambled struggling to form a coherent sentence.
She scrunched up her nose. “How could you ever think that? Have you ever seen a woman? Who doesn’t want to fuck at least one woman?”
“Gay men,” Clint piped in gaining a glare from both of you.
“Why were you discussing my sexuality anyway?” She asked, turning her attention back to you.
It was now or never.
You took in a deep breath, hoping to build your confidence. “I am kind of in love with you.”
A smirk curled onto her lips.
“Well lucky for you, I’m kind of in love with you too.”
With that it felt like your heart had leapt out of your throat with excitement.
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tobastianstardy-blog · 6 years ago
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Gangster Blues
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Part 2
So I’ve noticed I tend to rush certain things and events so maybe I’ll do some flashbacks in future chapters, but we shall see. This one is a short one, but I hope you enjoy this chapter as it starts to pick up just a bit. This will be an Alfie x ofc fic but who can resist some Tommy? 
 word count: 2907
WARNINGS: Violence, blood, domestic abuse. 18+ for possible future sexual references.
                Once the ship arrived, Giana set off in search to purchase a car, as it was a long way to Camden town. She scanned her small list of relatives and seen one that resided in, Birmingham. Now the distance was nearly the same, just in the opposite direction. She figured she'd go out of her way now before she got nice and settled into her new home, in Camden. 
        When she arrived in Birmingham, she wasn't too shocked at the wild things she had seen, like people screwing in the streets and drunkards throwing blows at each other. Sure, it was different from Brooklyn, but it not by much anyway. Her aunt, Allison had warmed up to her quite fast. Giana's mother, Emily, had told Allison all about her, and that she may have to keep a close eye on her.
"Your uncle Harry will be home from work soon, deary. He can't wait to meet you." she smiled sweetly before handing Giana a cup of piping hot tea. "And what does uncle Harry do exactly?" Giana blew into her cup trying to cool it down. "Well sweety, I s'pose I got no reason to lie to you. Uncle Harry works for the Peaky Blinders." "Peaky Blinders?" she raised a brow up to her yellow headed aunt. "It's a gang here, the Shelby's, yeah, much like the gang you had in America." she nudged Giana gently. "How would you know about that, Aunt Allison?" Giana stared harshly. "Oh, baby. Your mother and I may 'ave not seen each other in many, many, years, but we still write each other." Allison placed a comforting hand on Giana's shoulder. "But enough gangster talk, you're suppose to be on vacation. Forget about work and just 'ave a good time, my darling." Giana nodded with a smirk.
        "Aunt Allison?" she sipped her tea. "Yes, baby?" "I hope I'm not poking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I was told you had a daughter, around my age? Where is she now?" "Oh, yes, of course. My Winnie. She hasn't lived here in several years now...we had a bit of a falling out. Last I heard she was working at some club down on Bleaker st." "What kind of club?" "You know, I'd imagine not very different from the clubs down in New York. Women dancing around half naked serving up 'foot juice' and what not." she scoffed. "Sounds...interesting. Bleaker st you say?" Allison crossed her arms and sighed heavily. "Be careful out there alright. Remember you ain't got no men here to 'ave your back if you get ya self into trouble." "Mind you, Aunt Allison but I never NEEDED men to protect me." Giana winked playfully.
        The club was in a seemingly worn down building with dirty dark glass windows. Giana wiggled out of her long black coat and placed it on the rack near the entrance revealing the dark green dress, beaded with black sequins that fit nicely around her curvy body. She swayed her fleshy bottom as she walked towards the bar, nearly snapping the necks of the men trying to get a good look at her as she passed them by. "How about a drink, handsome?" she winked at the man behind the bar slipping some money into his hand. Without any hesitation he poured a clear liquid in a glass and handed it to her. "What's a pretty dame like yourself doing in such a place like this?" he leaned over, his eyes never leaving her ample cherry red lips. "I'm looking for someone. Perhaps you can help me out?" she batted her long thick lashes at him. "I'm looking for a 'Winnie Evans'." "Ah, Winnie of course. She's over in that corner talking to the Shelby's." he pointed to a dimly lit booth surrounded by men and loose women. "Thank you, kindly." She chugged the rest of her drink and slipped him some more money for his help. 
        As she got closer to the booth not only could she see a pair of eyes, blue as ocean staring her down she could feel them on her. The group of people surrounding the table parted like the red sea as she made her way to him. "I'm sorry to bother sir, but you see, I'm looking for my cousin. 'Winnie' would be her name." she spoke directly to the man that couldn't to take his eyes off of her. He was dressed rather nice with short black hair and his face, his face, carved by the hand of God himself.  A woman sitting on the lap of the man next him shot her head up very quickly, "Why, I'm Winnie." she looked Giana up and down. "Cousin, you say?" her British accent was as thick as molasses. "Yes, on your mother's side. I'm Giana R-" "OH! Yes! I've heard of you before." she kissed the man she was sitting on and stood to her feet. "It's nice to finally meet you!" she held her hand out for a shake. "Arthur, this is my cousin, from America I was telling you about." she turned to the older fellow in the booth. "American, ay?" the man with ocean blue eyes spoke up. "Winnie, why don't you introduce us properly?" he added while lighting up a cigarette. "Of course, my apologies." Winnie glanced down to her feet and back up with a fresh bright smile. "This is my cousin, Giana Russo." Winnie placed her arm loosely around Giana's back. "This is Arthur, and  Tommy Shelby."
"Pleasure to meet you." Giana slipped off her black gloves and shook their hands. "Oh, the pleasure is mine, darling." Tommy exhaled his smoke with a hint of lust in his eyes. "Russo, is it? You Italian?" Tommy tilted his head running his eyes up and down her body imagining what she looked like underneath. "Half. My father Italian and my mother, British." she licked her lips to tease him. "Please, won't you sit down and join us." Tommy gestured for her to sit next to him, and there it was. That familiar spark of a light bulb going off in Giana's head again.
        Giana almost immediately "moved into" Winnie's place. She had decided to stick around Birmingham a little while longer despite having purchased a home down in Camden Town, which probably was covered in dust by now. She wanted to see how her cards played out with Tommy. It's been a few weeks since she had started seeing Tommy, and it was no secret to anyone to know how Tommy was completely and utterly sprung on Giana. He would spoil her with with gifts and shower her with affection. The first time they fucked she swore he cried a little afterwards or maybe that was her massive ego imagining it, but the longer she stuck around the more bored she became. She got to know the Shelby's better and how they ran things. They were smart men who ran their business well, but every now and then they got sloppy, and too emotional. She knew she couldn't possibly take charge like she had with Emilio, especially after meeting Aunt Pol. That woman was just was smart and clever as Giana and knew she'd never be able to pull one over on her. 
        It's not that Giana didn't like Tommy, she did. I mean he was a Shelby and Shelby's are the big bad talk of the town, and she loved herself an actual good gangster, but he started to become soft because of her. Not only around his brothers but even in bed, and it was a huge turn off. She needed some spice in her life. She had an itch she needed to scratch. An itch for danger, blood, and some rough sex. She has so much anger and hurt built up inside if she doesn't somehow release it she's worried she might do something stupid just to get her jollies.
        The night she broke it off with Tommy was smoother than expected. Least, what smooth meant to her anyway. Tommy had some pride left in him after all, he told her that she meant nothing to him and would have no trouble replacing her. Something about how he could have any girl he wanted, yeah, any girl except for her she thought. She knew he was hurting, that's why he lashed out at her so bad. She wasn't mad at him for the things he said, that she understood. It almost changed her mind leaving him, seeing him all riled up like that. He always did look the cutest when he was mad.
         Before she left for Camden Town she sat at the table to have lunch with Winnie. "You know, Tommy's pretty broken up over the whole thing." Winnie poked at her food not looking at Giana. "He'll get over it, I'm sure. We'd only been together for 6 weeks. Can't be that bad." "I s'pose so...but I think he really loved you." Winnie's eyes finally lifted to meet Giana's. "Love?" Giana laughed wildly. "What on earth is so funny about that, Gia? You mean to tell me you don't believe in love?" Giana calmed herself down and took a sip of her water. "No, Winnie, I don't. I mean I loved my father but that was an entirely a different kind of love. To me, love is of least importance, even if I did believe in such a thing." Winnie's eyes grew wide, "Oh is that so? Well then, tell me. What is considered most important to you?" 
"Family and family business." Giana spoke with such certainty. Winnie rolled her eyes and dropped the subject. She knew Giana came from a family of mobsters, but had no idea who Giana really was and did out in New York. "Ya know sooner or later love is gonna knock you on your ass so hard you ain't gonna know it hit ya." Winnie teased. "Oh, Winnie. You're such a silly girl, now promise you'll write to me and visit me from time to time?" Giana squeezed Winnie's hand lovingly.  "I pinky promise you, G." 
        Once Giana got settled into her new home, she called another relative on her list, her uncle on her mother's side and invited him over for dinner. James Adley is his name, an older man in his early 50's with white hair and spotty loose skin. He was a widow like her but surely he hadn't murdered his spouse in cold blood like she had. She took his coat and hung it in closet near the door. "My, oh my! Aren't you the most beautiful thing I ever did see." he leaned in for a hug. "Lovely place you have here. Must cost a lot of money, I bet." he handed her a box wrapped with some paper tied with a bow made of yarn. "Why thank you, please have a seat." she said as she walked him to the kitchen.
        "I don't know if I should warn you or not, but this side of town is mostly ran by Jews...the Jews and Italians are at a war right now. I just thought I'd say something... you being half Italian that comes from a mob family." he stammered. "Oh, pish posh. Whatever they have going on is there business not any of my own. I'm not afraid of anyone." she huffed. "I beg your pardon, I didn't mean to offend you, darling." Sorrow spread across his wrinkly face as he took a seat at the table. "And offend me you did not. I'd say it was humor, if anything." she placed a plate of meat and veggies before him.  "You know, you remind me a lot of your father when he was your age. You look like him too, but with your mothers big beautiful eyes." she smiled taking her seat at the table and began to pick at her food.
        "Well now, tell me about yourself Uncle James. What do you here in this boring 'ole town?" she scrunched her face as she took a sip of her cheap wine that was made from spoiled grape juice. He just laughed and pointed at the gift she had set down on the counter behind her. Giana opened the box to find a bottle filled with brown liquid. She squealed at the sight and popped off the cork, taking a big wiff. Her eyes nearly watered at the potency but it delighted her to finally have some good higher quality alcohol again. She had drank up the last strong stuff she had. 
        "Is this your way of telling me that this is what you do? Or do you just know where to get it?" she glowed pouring the sweet nectar into new glasses for the both of them. He scratched the back of head not answering her. "Have you gone deaf? I asked you a question." her once sweet face hardened into stone. Sure she may have been taking a "break" from gang life, but a true gangster never really takes a break. She really needed to remind herself this is who she really is, and she was tired of playing nice. 
"I- I- I-" he stuttered a little bit shaken up by her sudden change of attitude. "Speak! DAMN IT" she slammed her hands on the table. "I just work at a bakery, okay.?" Giana smiled and relaxed. "Well why didn't you just say so?" she knew that was probably code for a distillery, but she knew he couldn't say so directly, if whomever he was working for was smart there had to have been some strict rules.
"Do you think it would be appropriate for me to stop by then?" she took a sip. "Bloody hell this is strong." she added. "Oh, Gia, baby, I don't think that it would." "Aw, come on. No one here knows who I am, right? It's not like anyone could pin point my exact ethnicity just by looking at me either." He shrugged and nodded in agreement. "Now, tell me what's it take to snag a bottle or two there? Secret code word or something?" "It's not that, its just that you're new in town. Might seem suspicious or something."
"Eh, you're just being paranoid. I'll manage." "Please, Giana. How about I umm...how about I buy some for you and deliver you the goods myself?" she began to feel pity for the old man and agreed to his proposition. 
        Little did he know, Giana did what she pleased and she was not about to wait on her uncle. The next day she wandered the streets in a rather risque and expensive navy blue dress that clung to her best assets in search of this particular bakery. She had already been to a couple with no luck. It wasn't til she was on her way back home when she noticed this a rather well blended in bakery at the end of the street. 
        On her way in, the bell above the door rang and a young Jewish boy appeared with a rather dumbfounded look on his face. "Afternoon, Ma'am'." he smiled nervously. "How do you do? I was walking by when I caught a wiff of the most delectable inciting smell of fresh bread. I was hoping I could purchase some?" "Yeah, of course. White or brown?" he stammered not really sure if it was actually the bread she was talking about. "Hmmm...how about white?" 
The young boy wrapped up a loaf of bread and placed it on the counter before her. "There you are, Ma'am." Giana picked up the bread feeling it's weight she was sure it was only the bread he had actually given her. "I'm sorry but I not quite sure you understood. I asked for WHITE BREAD." she pushed the loaf back towards him. He gulped as a drop sweat dripped down his forehead. "I don't know what you mean, Ma'am. That there IS white bread." she took out a stack of cash and placed it next to the bread. Before she could get another word in she heard a shout coming towards them from the back room and a sound of a cane tapping harshly on the ground. "OLLIE! What the fuck is taking you, boy?!" 
        The man who appeared stared at Giana much longer than he should have before noticing the stack of cash on the counter. "What seems to be the problem, Ma'am?" he walked over pushing the boy out of his way. "I just want some white bread is all." she stood up straight flipping her long curly locks over her shoulder with a smoldering look in her eyes and a smirk on her puffy lips. She studied the older fellow before her. His skin was a little dry, his wild beard was in dire need of attention, but his eyes...there was something about his eyes. Something alluring and familiar. She could get lost looking in those blue gray orbs of his. "Right, pet. Well, I think my boy, Ollie, here gave you what you asked for." She sighed and dug into her purse once more, slammin more money on the counter. The man scratched at the bush growing on his face as he contemplated the whole situation. "Right then.The name is Alfie, Alfie Solomons. Now please, won't you join me in me office?"
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steveramsdale · 5 years ago
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8.7 The ‘Before I go Home’ Blog
8.7 The ‘Before I go Home’ Blog
As you read this, I will be heading home! I am going to see Mairi and Freddie! I might be in the air, in Istanbul, in Manchester, in Ben’s car or home. But before that, I’ll blog you about the week. Yes, I just used ‘blog’ as the main verb in my sentence.
I spent much of Saturday working on the van myself, getting everything ready for my first camping trip. I needed some curtains if I was going to be able to sleep. I had a plan to us the reflective material that is used to keep cars cool when parked in the sunshine. I had bought a roll of this. I had brought magnetic tape and ‘window suckers’ back with me. I was ready to go. Over about two hours, I got some curtains made. I am not the most talented maker of things but the ‘curtains’ kind of fit. After the jobs, including putting the driver’s seat belt back in, I had to do some cleaning. By midday I had done and was ready for the off - my First Trip. The plan was to go back to NBU, where Mairi and I used to live, and park on a friend/colleague’s drive. This would be safe and convenient, a good place to see how this van life would work out. The neighbours were very interested. Some had not seen the van before. Some had not seen it since the work had been done, so I had lots of visitors. There is now a puppy that has been adopted by everyone. It also came to see me and is very friendly and cute. I did not see кошка.
Overall, the camping trip was very successful. I was able to make hot drinks and prepare tea and breakfast. The issues for our drive home will be storage and toileting. We need solutions! There was one very interesting consequence of sleeping in the van. I slept later than ever! For a long time now, I have taken to waking up early, very early. Most mornings, at home and here, on weekdays and at weekends, I wake up at around 4am. More often that not, it is between 3:45 and 4:15. On Sunday morning, when I woke up, it was 6:30. I have no explanation for this. The bed is very comfortable. The curtains stop people seeing in but do not keep out the light. So, I don’t know….. There was one uninvited guest - who buzzed around my ear and bit my face - a mosquito.
I had one other job to do on Saturday. Amazingly, I got lost on the way home (driving) I don’t know how I ended up at the station.
On Sunday, I went for diesel and a drive. Apart from our ill-fated ‘trip’ to Kazakhstan, I have only done short, purposeful, journeys around the city, so I decided that I should give the engine a bit of a run. If I do break down, I would like it to be not too far from home and my mechanic.
The hot water’s off! I was aware that this happens in the flats when the pipes are cleaned, or maintenance is done - the hot water is sent to the apartment blocks from a central point. This week and into next week, it is my turn.
On Wednesday, for the first time, my whole class was together! One boy has had a problem with his leg and so has missed about four weeks of the term. He came back and everyone else was present, too. It lasted for two days!
Cat in school! When I arrived at school on Wednesday morning, a cat came tearing out of the building, perhaps hearing me arrive. I don’t know if it had been in all night or was just having a look around.
On Thursday evening, the new British Ambassador hosted his “welcome to Uzbekistan’ evening. It was strange to go the the Residence and for the previous family not to be there. We had got to know them well and it is ‘their’ house!
We have a small football pitch as part of our playground. Each break time, one staff member is the ‘referee. I do this regularly. One day this week, two boys were playing as a team against about eight other boys. At one point, they got a throw-in. One had the ball, the other was putting his hand up, indicating that he wanted the ball throw to him. I wondered, and indeed asked, ‘Who else is he going to throw it to?’.
This week, on Thursday, in fact, I started wearing proper socks again. By which I mean I have stopped wearing trainer socks. Yes, the weather is slightly on the turn.
I have also been part of a viral video – sort of, well a few people have seen it. I was walking through the park I have previously mentioned – eco-park – and ahead I could see two young women talking to a young man. One of the women did the splits in the middle of the path, then they were talking. The man walked away as I reached where they were. The ‘do the splits’ girl then started talking to me and I saw that the other one was filming on her phone. She seemed to be asking if I could do the splits. I reported that, in fact, I could not. She showed me how to do but this demonstration did not grant me the ability to do it/them. I think they realised I was not a local and asked where I was from. After a very brief chat, I continued with my walk home. I thought that the video they were making would be online somewhere but that I would never see it. The next day, at school, a couple of students in the sixth form were keen to tell me that I was famous and proceeded to show me the video which one of them had seen in Instagram! It’s a strange world!
And that’s it. I’m typing this on Friday evening as I am soon going to head to the airport for a night of flying. I’ll be home by mid-day Saturday. So, choose when to read. See you next time.
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katietaylorarchitecture · 6 years ago
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20th Century Kibbutz Life - Interview
Valerie, Devon
When, why and how long did you live on a kibbutz?
I lived on a kibbutz for a total of approximately a year - between 1973–1975. (Came back and returned).
Which one? How did it work? What did it specialise in?
Kibbutz Gal-on. Top of the Negev desert – nearest small town Kiryat Gat. Nearest larger town Beersheba.
At the time I was there it comprised of 200 people. Founded in 1946 as a result of the Holocaust, with some Polish survivors of concentration camps and later in the early 50s Americans, who were Zionists, part of the kibbutz youth movement.
These were the main groups but people from many other nationalities joined. Later on when young people started travelling more, they would often work as volunteers and if they liked the life, would apply to become a Guest and after a year, could join as a proper member. Obviously most members were Jewish and frequently young people having finished their schooling, would make a trip to Israel and stay for a period on a kibbutz.
When I was there there are many different nationalities, including Dutch, Swedish, Norwegian, French, British and of course American.
It worked as a socialist collective. It was run by a “leader“ but on a committee basis. As already mentioned, the Guest members were, as it were “On probation“ – on both sides - to see if the person liked the way of life – and for the older members to ascertain whether they would fit into the ethos and environment.
So that there was a form of hierarchy, the bottom of which were the volunteers. They could stay as long or as short a time as they wished.
Members worked for eight hours a day, volunteers for six. Members tended to have specialist work on any aspect of the kibbutz . Volunteers were assigned to work anywhere.
Work was for bed and board. You were given pocket money for chocolate, soap, cigarettes et cetera to be purchased in the only shop there.
The kibbutz aimed for a form of self-sufficiency – and mass produced fruits which could be sold on the market. (I’m not actually sure where the fruits were sold I think they were sold abroad). They also produced electric fans for selling.  So that they were partially commercial and partially self-sufficient.
It was agriculturally -based. A lot of irrigation had already been done by the time I got there so that the land was sufficiently fertile for large orchards – pears, citrus fruits. They had cattle (for milk), chickens, cotton.
Routine; If you worked in the fields (picking fruit), as a volunteer, you had to be ready to be picked up by the trailer driven by a tractor at 4:30 AM as the sun rose. You worked until 9 am when a breakfast was brought to the fields and eaten under a rough tarpaulin as the heat was becoming too great to eat in the open. Work finished at 11:30 when there was lunch and rest of the day was free. Part of the afternoon was usually spent sleeping!
If working around the kibbutz there was a later start – 7 AM. The sort of work that might be done was based on the maintenance of the community, for example: cleaning, clearing and serving in the dining room, washing up, peeling vegetables, plucking chickens, cleaning shower blocks and toilets. Sometimes volunteers worked in the children’s houses. Also I did typing work in the factory. And worked on the irrigation pipes which had to be constantly maintained.
There was a resident nurse but for medical needs people went outside the kibbutz. (There was also a woman who came to do leg waxing)!
Members took care of the elderly and carried food in special containers from the dining room to their houses.
The vehicles were communal and were mostly vans or agricultural vehicles.
How the spaces were set out:
Each member had a small house with a red slate roof. I’m not sure what the material was it looked like some type of concrete but it was painted white. I suppose coolest and heat retaining in winter???  I have no photographs of these. They were actually very pretty and one of the features of the place was The abundance of trees – Fir trees and flowers. The houses were laid out in a tasteful way around smallish circular lawns so that members would use them, especially when children came to visit. The only regular feature of the housing areas were the paths – concrete. Necessary for there was often a lot of rain and mud in the winter. The paths were lamplit.
The members’ houses were little larger than the others (guest houses). They usually had steps up to a Veranda where the front door was. There was a main sitting room where there was a rudimentary cooking area – sometimes for making sandwiches, tea making /coffee making. There was a separate bedroom, separate shower/toilet/wash-basin.
The guest houses, which I think were older, previously used by members, just consisted of one room in which there was a bed and rudimentary cooking facilities and separate shower/toilet/wash-basin in one.
The volunteers lived in the huts right at the back of the kibbutz, where the original settlers lived and they were made of wood, (so extremely hot in the summer) – there are plenty of photographs of them, which I have sent.  They opened into an anti-room where there was a wash-basin and just one room in which were at least three beds.
The volunteers used the toilet blocks and shower rooms, there about three showers for male and female, mixed.
There was a laundry and a clothes bank. Mainly of the elderly Polish women worked there – and volunteers also worked there. The bank of clothes was used by the whole kibbutz, including volunteers for work. Each Person had their own number sewn on to the item of clothing and a sort of pigeonhole where their clothes were put after being washed and ironed. Also, one thing I forgot was how much I learnt on how to live with very little – I only had the clothes I brought in a rucksack which I had to keep wearing and re-wearing when I wasn’t working.  This taught me a lot about living with very few possessions.
Eating: 
All the food was consumed in a separate building – the dining room. There is a picture amongst my photos and you can see that it’s a modern building. I’m sure they must’ve used a smaller building to eat in communally originally.
There were rows of long tables rather like a college refectory, a very large kitchen with quite modern facilities for large numbers, large washing-up troughs, tureens and pans for catering for large numbers of people. Attached to the kitchen was a peeling room also used for chicken plucking. Outside this was an area where delivery vans were kept.
Meals were served something like 7 am to 10.30 am, lunch 11.30 to 1.20, supper 6.30 to 8 or 8.30 pm.
Tea and coffee making facilities in the rooms.
There was a members “clubhouse” (a new purpose built building) and a volunteers “clubhouse” (somewhat rundown old hut). This is where the community would assemble in the evenings to chat, have coffee, read the papers and I think there was a television in the members club house.
There was also a communal swimming pool.
The children’s houses were separate. The groups of children were divided by age. They lived in these houses all the time but spent 2 -3 hours with their parents at tea time. I believe there was a primary school on the kibbutz for the children’s groups and possibly a secondary – but I’m not sure now whether they were bussed out of the kibbutz for secondary education.
It was compulsory for all members to do on Army service -for a month each year. When the children reached 18, they had to do a proper training in the Army.
Surrounding the “village“ of the kibbutz were fields and orchards and even a kibbutz cemetery. They had planted conifers in a sort of oblong patch in the middle of a wheat field so it looked rather dramatic – an area of green in the middle of the golden wheat.
My own impressions:
The “quality“ of life really appealed to me. You were valued for your hard work. Also the manual work appealed to me because I had been studying for years and it was a great relief to do six hours of manual work and then have time off without the burden of knowing there was always some study waiting to be done. There was a sense of freedom about working on something relatively simple and knowing you were free afterwards, yet your accommodation was taken care of through your work.
The members came from all sorts of different backgrounds and were extremely intelligent, creative and interesting, so there was always someone to talk to and things to be discovered. It was particularly interesting to talk to the original settlers about why they came there. They were very idealistic and that impressed me.
The older Polish members were very insular and weren’t at all Keen on us volunteers - they saw us as “hippies“ which was understandable given what they had been through in concentration camps.
(When I was growing up in the 50s hardly anything was ever mentioned about the war. You might find this quite surprising – I do. I knew there had been a war because I’d seen my father’s army clothes hanging in the wardrobe. But it was never mentioned at school and my parents never mentioned it. Now I believe that it was so traumatic, the last thing they wanted to do was talk about it. It was never mentioned at school either. So it took me until much later to really understand what had happened – and why the concentration camp survivors so sour and hated us).
(In this context, when all the changes happened in the 60s and 70s, which you may have read about – parents were horrified and very resistant. Now I can see why, after what they have been through. I remember my father being utterly disgusted when young men started growing their hair longer than ear length)!
I found it the most amazing experience of my life. I was really happy there. I enjoyed leaving my middle class background and mixing with so many different people from different backgrounds.. I learned about my own background and English characteristics from a different perspective, seeing myself through other peoples eyes.
One of the key discussions was about identity, that  was something I have never even thought of. But because most of the other volunteers were Jewish, they had a lot of trouble in ascertaining their true allegiances, coming from different countries – so for example, for the Americans -  they were quite troubled about which was most important, their American identity or Jewish identity. I remember being very shocked to find that they had American flags in their gardens. They were equally curious and rather rude about our royal heritage !
I guess it was my first experience of national identity/multiculturalism.
I was forced to become more tolerant and relaxed because I was living at close proximity to others.
One thing I did find hard was the gossip, (but since then, I found out all small groups love to gossip – and I guess we all do). But there were times when I felt very paranoid about people talking about me. They talked about everybody.  The other thing was that it was very hard to find a place to be alone. Being alone,  I found was quite important to me at times and I would go for walks outside the kibbutz to get time for myself.
The Effect of living at close proximity created lasting relationships – and now there are least four women who I am very close to still.
(Just have a wonderful holiday and catching up with two of them in Philadelphia).
Because of living in a socialist collective as it were, it really affected the way I saw my middle-class English life. It particularly affected my view of materialism and consumerism and the way we live in the west. To work for your board/bed and the right to be there – by helping the community in all sorts of ways and learning so many different skills,  albeit manual, seemed a much more natural human way to be.
For a while, I really wanted to be there permanently. The volunteers were given Hebrew lessons.  Anyone wanting to live on the kibbutz had to attend and Ulpen - Hebrew school. It wasn’t impossible to live on a kibbutz if you weren’t Jewish but now I can’t remember if you had to convert if you wanted to do this.
When I returned home I had a terrible culture shock. Being amongst 200 people whose faces were familiar, even if you have not spoken to them, felt very safe and there was something very reassuring about it. So that when I returned to London to resume my studies, I was quite depressed and lonely, travelling around the city seeing hundreds of faces I didn’t know, felt deeply alienating.
Eventually, I came to know that I was too conditioned into my background and values to make such a huge change.
Adaption of kibbutz and the effects of change:
The most obvious “difficulties“ came when the children of the kibbutz grew up at a time when volunteers from other cultures were visiting and the excitement and challenges of travelling appealed to them, having been brought up in a relatively closed environment. They left to go travelling, many married out side the kibbutz and did not return. Also, I found out from one of the members later that some hated the experience of growing up in the children’s group. I wish I knew more about that – it’s probably been written about by now.
Also, the impression I got was that it is possible that the education was a little limited – after all it was a farming community. So it was natural for the young to leave the community atmosphere and strike out on their own.
One of the aims of the kibbutz was to be flexible enough to move with the changes of the times. My particular kibbutz had to keep changing their commercial operation with the fan factory for example, because the market started to be flooded with the cheaper ones from China.
Some kibbutzim, I believe, did not survive with the need of more commercial success and shrinkage of membership. However some did survive. Gal-On had a crisis point in 2000 (financially and shrinkage of membership) and they changed the system so that members went outside the kibbutz to work and brought their salaries into the community. I believe they divided up their organisation for this purpose. The dining room changed to a coffee/ eating house/ restaurant where meals were bought. People ate in their own houses and with their families. I think the children reverted to living with their parents?  They built a guest house/hotel to bring money in from outside holidaymakers..
There is a website – galon.org or kibbutz gal-on.org which will tell you a bit more about the history and if you want to know how the kibbutz survived until now. I had a look and noticed that their membership had increased to at least 400 so they must’ve done quite well. And it says that now children who left are returning to live there. Perhaps the strains of outside life, consumerism, materialism have now lost their attraction. And the values of sharing life in the community are now again more appealing. I believe it is partially self-sufficient and partially commercial and appears to be viable for that reason.
There are a lot of photos on the website which give you more idea than mine.
One of the aspects which I wondered about at the time, was whether you could live as a single person successfully. Naturally the community was very family based. There were single people on the kibbutz but they were very much in the minority. Unless they married someone else on the kibbutz/or lived with, or met a volunteer, their choices might have been limited.  But there was less emphasis and pressure on being married because you could just live with someone in their house but eat and mix with others without making a big statement. (You could easily live with someone without giving up your whole life to them). However, I did wonder in the long term, whether there would always be a slight stigma because every time they had a festival, and there were many, there were so many families I wondered how a single person might feel.
The kibbutz was also a place of shelter for people who found living on the outside too difficult – so there were some “odd” people who had started off as volunteers though not many.
There was always quite a lot of entertainment – films, dancing, putting on forms of entertainment et cetera.
It was just after the Yom Kippur war. I think in my ignorance I did not fully appreciate quite what was going on. There were always planes screaming overhead and sirens. Whenever the news played in Hebrew in the dining room, everyone stopped what they were doing to listen.
When I got back to England I took some time to read up about the history of Israel.  I could not help but feel emotionally attached and full of admiration for what the Israelis had achieved out of the Holocaust. And for the ideals the socialist Zionists lived by. But now, at least 40 years later, for me, it really seems to have gone very sour and as a nation, they seem to be doing what was done to them.
I notice in the literature on the Internet about the kibbutz, they talk about founding it in a dangerous country - the ‘dangers’ were created by the Arabs are already living there!
They certainly did so much to make a geographically hostile land habitable and profitable – as it was desert. But though there was a lack of awareness about the land already being occupied – awareness which has now come into being. (Some of the local Arabs worked on the kibbutz for money and there were individual friendships with members).
Another aspect which is a little ironic, was how very safe I felt in that group of 200 people who are looking after the community which I was a small part of. I felt safer than I did living in a bedsit alone in London! In fact as it turns out, the environment I felt so safe in, wasn’t safe at all!
I forgot to mention at the beginning you asked why I went there. I had a first marriage which after three years had broken down, in the middle of studying to be a teacher.
After doing my final exams, I was in a pretty poor state and a friend, who was Jewish suggested travelling to Israel. All I knew of Israel was from the Sunday school stamps and scripture teaching in school – but I was just keen to get away and have a completely different experience!
In the end I passed my exams to a higher standard than I expected which enabled me to do another year of a degree. After taking a year out to go to Israel, I decided I should complete the degree.
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anavoliselenu · 7 years ago
Text
Hiched chapter 11
Jeez . . . maybe I should have. If I was going to endure an awkward morning after, I might as well have enjoyed a fun night beforehand.
Wait, hell no. Don’t even entertain the thought of fucking Justin. That way lies madness. Even though he clearly wants me and part of me wants him back, because his damn sexy face and voice and body and wicked words always hit me right in the . . .
Cheeks burning, I hurry to my office. I e-mail Dad the draft of our proposal, pour myself a giant cup of coffee, and check my backlog of messages. The tedious task works almost as well as a cold shower.
Half an hour later, I get a reply from Dad.
Proposal looks great. Let’s discuss? I’ll order in pastramis from Sal’s.
I smile to myself. Dad knows that place is my favorite deli. And evidently, he also knows that I haven’t eaten since before our flight. I close my laptop and walk to his office.
As I open his door, Dad beams at me from behind his desk. “Your work is top-notch as always. When did you even find the time to write this?”
“Justin and I worked together last night.” As much of a nuisance as Justin made himself, he deserves due credit.
Dad’s expression morphs from pride into pity. “Last night? Oh, sweetie—”
“It’s fine,” I say, interrupting him. I don’t want to hear two different men protest about my wedding night in less than twenty-four hours. And even though my sex life is nonexistent, discussing it with my own father would still be just way too gross. “So, what were your thoughts on the proposal?”
Dad sighs, but takes the hint. “It looks better than anything I’ve come up with. I guess I made the right decision, putting you kids on the case.”
Something in his tone makes me narrow my eyes. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”
“I’m not sure where we’re going to get the money for all this training.”
“What do you mean? I double-checked our budget. Unless . . .” I trail off, worrying my lip. “Did something happen while I was gone?”
He nods grimly. “Red Dog Optics pulled out. Halfway through a project. They’re paying us for the deliverables we finished, plus our early termination fee, but everything we had in progress . . . labor down the drain. And of course, we can’t count on that future income anymore.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose hard, trying to ward off an impending stress headache. That’s one of our biggest clients—well, it was, anyway. Son of a bitch. I’m out of the office for less than two full workdays, and look what I miss.
Thank God I didn’t let Justin persuade me to catch a later flight.
“Why the hell would they do that?” I ask. “We’ve lost clients before . . .” By which I mean, we’ve been steadily bleeding them for years now. “But never so suddenly. Why not ride out our current contract and then just avoid signing another one?”
Dad shakes his head. “No idea. Our work on that project seemed up to our usual standard, as far as I could tell. The only explanation I can think of is that something spooked them.”
“What, they thought we’d collapse before we could even finish their project?” I lick my raw lip nervously.
Tate & Cane certainly isn’t doing great, and I knew our reputation would take a hit after the board started meeting with buyers and word got around . . . but our situation isn’t nearly bad enough to make Red Dog react like this.
I take a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. I’m being paranoid. Some dumbass probably just made a careless comment to his golf buddy, it got misinterpreted, and the rumor mill spun out of control. If anything suspicious happens again, then maybe we should investigate. But for now, we don’t have the time or resources to spend on a wild goose chase.
“Then we’ll just have to find a consultant who’s willing to handle our training for cheap,” I say with a lot more confidence than I feel. Hopefully we won’t get what we pay for. “And we can concentrate on winning back some old clients before we try to court new ones.”
“Sounds like a plan, sweetie. I’m behind you kids all the way.” Dad leans forward on his desk. “I’m counting on you to get creative and save this thing we’ve built together . . . not just for the sake of your futures, but for your children too.”
I give him a confused look. “Children? That’s a pretty long ways off, Dad.” Reproducing isn’t on my radar at all. I haven’t wanted babies since I learned they weren’t really brought by storks.
Dad gives my confused look right back. “Not that far off . . . ?”
My phone chimes. I pull it out and see a text.
Justin: You hear about Red Dog?
“Sorry, Dad.” I sigh, not very sorry at all to get off the topic of children. Thanks for the conversational escape hatch, Justin. “I should probably go meet with Justin to get started on this. Can you tell the delivery guy to take my pastrami to my office when he gets here?”
Dad nods good-bye and I hustle to Justin’s office, far away from any ten-pound hints about starting a family. That last part of our chat was surreal. I’m sure Dad has a whole fairy-tale ending envisioned for Justin and me, but seriously? I’m not even close to the motherly type.
Okay, back into work mode. We have to figure out how to start implementing our business plan on the cheap and recovering at least a few old clients. Justin can definitely help on both of those fronts. Persuasion is his specialty . . . sweet-talking, haggling deals, calling in favors. And if there’s a woman in any position of influence, he can turn on the playboy charm and use his handsome face to help sway her. Like he did with Estelle Osbourne at Clair de Lune.
I set my jaw as I walk a little faster. Remembering that dinner still pisses me off way more than it should. It’s not like Justin is really my husband. Hell, I never wanted him to be “mine” at all, in any sense of the word.
At least, I didn’t want that a month ago. Maybe even two weeks ago. But now, maybe . . . I think I might. God, I don’t even know. My feelings have gotten so complicated lately. I think of Justin’s mischievous smile, his low, smooth voice saying my name . . .
Then I push those thoughts right out of my head. We are professionals. I’m a professional. Our job is to get our company through this quagmire. That one single problem is what we’ll eat, sleep, and breathe until we convince the board to reverse their decision about selling Tate & Cane. We have no room for emotions or desires.
Maybe Justin is right about me being an ice queen sometimes. But right now, with over six thousand futures hanging in the balance, that’s so much safer than being human. I just need to maintain my focus and composure, and pray that we’ll get through this.
Chapter Five
Justin
When Sterling texted me asking how the wedding night went, rather than answer, I asked him to meet me for lunch.
My best friend has a way with the fairer sex, and I’m hopeful he has some advice for me about how to proceed after my less-than-stellar wedding night. It wasn’t that I expected Selena to drop to her knees and service me, or spread her legs in our marital bed, but a good-night kiss would have been nice. Sheesh.
“That bad, eh?” Sterling asks when I slide into the chair across from him.
“The wedding night? A fucking disaster.”
He doesn’t have to reply because his eyes say it all. In those honey-colored depths fringed in dark lashes that women go nuts over—the lucky bastard—is a mixture of pity and curiosity. But he says, “Tell your good mate all about it,” leaning back in his seat with his fingers laced behind his head.
Thankfully I’m saved from his Dr. Phil-style self-help entertainment with the approach of our waitress.
“What can I get you gentlemen?” she asks.
When I asked Sterling to lunch, he agreed on the condition that we go to his favorite British-style pub. Despite having English blood pumping through my veins, I despise the food. Sterling was born and raised in the countryside outside of London. He still has a taste for it—reminds him of his youth, I guess.
He places an order for the ploughman’s lunch, and I choose the least noxious thing I can find on the menu—fish and chips. Tea is the one thing we can agree on.
When the waitress saunters away, he’s back to smirking at me expectantly. “So, do tell. How’s the wifey?”
If he bats those fucking eyelashes at me one more time, like we’re having girl talk, I’m going to slug the son of a bitch.
“At least let me get my tea before you badger me,” I mutter.
The waitress delivers a little porcelain kettle with piping-hot brew. It reminds me of the one I have at home. I think of Selena and something inside me pinches. She tapped away on her keyboard until late last night; whether she was determined to get her thoughts on paper or to keep her distance from me, I wasn’t sure.
“I’m not trying to badger you,” Sterling says with a sigh. “Just wondering what’s the problem. I take it the wedding night wasn’t all you dreamed it might be?”
“You could say that.” I take a sip of my tea and find it’s the perfect temperature.
“Is she still as icy as ever, or is she warming to you?”
“We spent all night going over a new business plan,” I say.
“Christ on a cracker. The woman is a ballbuster.”
“Tell me about it.”
It’s true that Selena is relentless in her pursuit of perfection. She’s smart and determined, and she never wavers in confidence. It’s sexy as hell. Frustrating. But admirable.
Nothing fazes the woman. She’s smart as a whip, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. I’ve never once seen her back down from a challenge. What I have seen is her effortlessly dominating executive meetings filled with industry veterans—men old enough to be her grandfather, who were in business suits before she was out of diapers. And she doesn’t even notice or care how beautiful she is . . .
I realize Sterling is still watching me and snap out of my thoughts. They were getting too gooey for my own good, anyway.
“She sure as hell doesn’t act like anybody’s wife,” I mutter.
He shrugs. “So she isn’t a romantic.”
Actually, according to her friend Camryn, she is. But I don’t tell that to Sterling at the risk of sounding like a total cliché.
“She fell asleep at her desk sometime after midnight.”
“You don’t become that successful at the age of twenty-six by taking your eye off the ball.”
“I guess.”
“So I can assume that baby-making isn’t going well?” He chuckles.
“Not exactly.”
“What are you going to do? A woman’s never refused you before, and now your own wife won’t fuck you.” He makes a disappointed noise in his throat.
When I merely flip him off, he excuses himself for a visit to the restroom. When Sterling is gone, I pull out my phone and check my messages.
There are three e-mails from Fred, all of them about the dire situation of the company, and another from Preston informing me that the board is having an “exploratory meeting” with a rival firm next week.
Fuck.
I close out my in-box. Since Sterling still isn’t back, I pull up the business news app on my phone to scroll through the headlines, hoping to take my mind off all the bed news at work.
“Can Manhattan’s New “Power Couple” Turn a Marketing Dinosaur Around Before It’s Too Late?”
I begin reading the top article, only to discover that it’s about Selena and me. Financial advisors are speculating about the future of the company and predict a plummet in our stock price as leadership changes are shaken out.
Well, fuck that. I won’t watch our company go down in flames. But the truth is, we’re not even close to being out of the woods yet. And all this bad press is bound to hobble us even more.
Frustrated, I slam my phone down on the table just as Sterling approaches.
“What now?” he asks, sliding into his seat and laying his napkin across his lap.
It feels like my work life and personal life are both imploding. I’m not used to failing so miserably. Feeling so helpless.
Then I realize something—the solution to both my problems is winning over Selena. We have to work together to save this shipwreck, and I’m tired of her rejections, her pessimistic idea that we can never work. Fuck that.
“I know what I need to do,” I blurt.
“And what’s that?”
“I need to seduce my wife. I need to show her how good we can be together.”
Sterling nods. “So, what are you going to do? Plan some big elaborate date to woo her?”
I think it over, then shake my head. “No. Selena’s much too skittish. It’ll take more finesse than that.”
• • •
When Selena arrives home from the gym at seven, I’m ready. I turned down the lighting in the penthouse and put on some smooth jazz to play softly in the background.
She sets her gym bag on the floor, giving me a skeptical look. “What’s going on?”
She’s probably reading the mood as a romantic one, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. My goal is just to get her to relax tonight.
Trying to act natural, I reply, “I got some dinner for us and thought we could take the night off from spreadsheets and numbers.”
She shrugs. “Sure. Let me grab a quick shower, then I’ll be right out.”
I expected more of a fight. Maybe the gods are looking down on me tonight with pity.
Toeing off her hot pink tennis shoes, Selena heads toward the bathroom. When I hear the spray of the shower, I head into the kitchen to finalize everything.
The food arrives by the time I hear the shower shut off. I arrange the contents of the takeout containers on a couple of small plates, to keep with the tapas theme.
There’s goat cheese with roasted figs, seared scallops, and a potato-and-gruyere gratin. It smells great. I pour two glasses of cabernet sauvignon and carry everything to the coffee table in the living room.
I hear Selena’s footsteps on the wood floor and look up. Fresh out of the shower, she’s dressed in a pair of black leggings that hug every last curve of her shapely legs and round ass, along with a gray sweatshirt that’s cut to hang off one bare shoulder, exposing her lightly freckled skin. She looks dewy and flushed from the shower, and I want to touch her to see if she feels as warm and soft as she looks.
“Wow. What’s all this?” she asks, sitting down beside me on the couch.
“Just a casual dinner. I thought we deserved some relaxation, considering the pressure we’re under at work.”
She accepts the glass of wine I hand her, and takes a sip. “How thoughtful.”
The sweet scent of her honeysuckle-and-vanilla body wash hits me square in the face, making me want to lean in and taste her skin, her lips, her breasts.
Shit.
I need to get it together. My plan is to win her over, to woo her, not to push myself on her with unwanted advances.
She may have a tough exterior, but I’m starting to learn that she’s actually a little timid when it comes to getting physical with me. Which is not at all what I’m used to. Most other women would love a ride on Justin Tate.
Selena helps herself to a portion of each dish—cutting off a little bite of sea scallop, letting out a little murmur of pleasure as she chews, blowing on a steaming forkful of potato gratin before closing her lips around it.
“So good,” she says with a moan. “How did you know I love tapas?”
I shrug. “I may have pumped Camryn for information.”
Her eyes flick over to mine as she takes another sip of wine. “Why would you do that?”
Returning her gaze, I decide to make myself vulnerable. “Because I like you, Selena. I want this to work.”
And I don’t just mean that in the sense of taking back our company and making a fuck-ton of money. I genuinely think that if she is willing to try, we can have a shot at being a real, happy couple. But I don’t clarify all that extra stuff. Selena appreciates honesty, but there’s such a thing as baring too much too soon. Or possibly at all.
I already know we’re compatible when it comes to the major stuff—politics, religion, and work ethic—but I’m starting to think that together in the bedroom, we’d be explosive. She tries to deny it, but the way her body responds to me is ridiculous. Not to mention the desperate way I crave her luscious ass and her perky tits, even her smart mouth is ridiculous. I’m normally a hit-it-and-quit-it type of guy. Once I’ve had a taste, I’m done and on to the next course. But something tells me that with Selena, once wouldn’t be nearly enough.
First, though, I need to know how she’s feeling about all of this. With the threat of Brad’s blackmail looming over us, demanding all our attention, I’ve barely gotten a chance to talk to her about the wedding, the contract, and especially the baby-making that needs to happen. We need to discuss this elephant in the room like mature, responsible adults.
“So, how do you feel about kids?” I ask.
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Kids?”
I nod slowly, now confused as well as nervous. Why is she so shocked?
“I, um . . . well, I guess I haven’t really thought about them,” she stammers.
My stomach grows uneasy. How in the fuck has she not thought about it? This is Selena, the woman who weighs every decision with a list of pros and cons. Her childhood letters to Santa were probably formatted in official memo style with bulleted requests.
“Why? You’re not thinking about . . .” She’s so flustered that she leaves the rest of her sentence unfinished.
Of fucking course I’m thinking about it. We have a contractual obligation to fulfill. Period.
Then realization slams into me all at once.
Holy. Fuck.
“On the day of our wedding, did you read the contract or did you just sign it?” I ask, trying to keep my tone neutral.
She shrugs, curling her legs under her on the couch. “Signed it. I already knew what it said. Dad and Prescott must have explained everything a hundred times at all those meetings we had.”
I never expected Selena of all people to sign a contract without reading it. I’m so stunned that I just stay quiet as the minutes tick past and we continue sipping our wine.
I try to calm down and think through this. But I’m stumped. The contract is finalized now—we’re legally bound. We’ve been legally bound for almost a week at this point. And now that I’ve been quiet about it for so long . . . how do I tell her without making it seem like I was lying all along?
Plus, I’m ninety-nine percent sure she’ll rip up the contract and storm off, and the deal will fall apart. I can’t let that happen. No inheritance means no second chance from the board. Which, in turn, means that everyone at Tate & Cane—innocent people like Rosita, who depend on the jobs we provide—will be royally fucked.
I can’t let anything happen to jeopardize this deal. I can’t afford to take even the smallest risk. I’ll just have to win Selena over with my charm and let it all happen naturally. Well, as natural as impregnating your fake wife can be.
Besides, even if I told her about the heir clause and she miraculously didn’t go nuclear, that would just put pressure on her to get pregnant for our company’s sake. Having a kid wouldn’t be a free choice. It’s better if I pitch her the idea on its own merits.
I’m up to the task, right? I’ve already done something similar; she used to hate my guts, and it took me less than a month to woo her into marrying me. Changing her mind about kids will be a lot tougher, but I just have to take things up another notch. Really put my back into it. Be my most charming, appealing self. If anyone can make a woman fall in love, deep enough to start a family . . .
But Selena isn’t just any woman. I suppress a despairing groan. Fuck me sideways . . . I’ve got my work cut out for me.
What in the hell do I do now?
“So, what else is on the agenda, Mr. Tate?”
Selena smiles warmly at me like she has no idea about the inner war I’m waging. I’ve refilled her wineglass twice, and something tells me she’s feeling tipsy and carefree.
That makes one of us.
I stack the empty plates, carry them into the kitchen, and pile them in the sink. Then I just stand there, my hands gripping the edge of the countertop. I need a minute. I feel like the apartment is closing in on me.
Before I make any big decisions about how to approach this problem, I need to think carefully. But with my head spinning and Selena waiting expectantly in the other room, I can’t do that here. I have to take things one step at a time.
So the question is: what the hell do I do right now?
“Justin? Are you coming back?” she calls.
I take a deep breath and return to her side. Realizing I can’t let this unpleasant surprise distract me from my plan, I decide to push forward. Tonight was supposed to be about getting her to relax, unwind, and trust me. There’s no point in ruining the whole evening by thoughtlessly blurting out everything. I’ll figure out a graceful way to tell her later.
“You’ve been so wound up from work. We both have,” I say as I sit back down.
She nods, agreeing.
“Tonight I was hoping we could set all that aside and chill together.”
She smiles at me. “Very good idea. I don’t chill nearly enough.”
Part of me is almost shocked that she’s going along with this so easily. The rest of me is still busy reeling from the realization that she has no idea I’m supposed to get her pregnant within the next three months. Actually, it’s more like two months now.
Selena sets her wineglass on the table and rolls her shoulders, sighing softly.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Just a little tight, is all.”
I inhale through my nose. I have to shove the pregnancy stuff to the back corner of my brain. We’re a long way off from Selena letting me pump her full of my semen anyhow, so why am I stressing about it now? The first step is showing her how compatible we can be.
And that starts now.
I smile at her. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
I grab a bottle of massage oil from the hall closet and return to the living room. The soft jazz music seems to float in the air, creating a pleasant buzz in the atmosphere.
Selena’s eyes widen when I rejoin her on the couch, but she doesn’t question me.
“I’ll give you a massage,” I suggest. “Take off your sweatshirt.”
Selena flinches, chewing on her lip while she watches me. “But I’m not wearing anything underneath.”
That’s the idea. “I promise not to look.”
She hesitates for another second, then turns her back to me and pulls her shirt over her head, dropping it to the floor. The creamy canvas in front of me is one to be admired. The twin dimples in her lower back near the band of her leggings would make lesser men weep.
I warm a few drops of oil between my palms and rest my hands on her stiff shoulders.
“Relax. Okay?”
She gives me a swift nod.
I work my fingers into the knots I can feel under her skin, and when I press my thumbs in next to her spine, she moans.
“Dear God, that feels good.”
“Been a while?” I ask, just a hint of mischief in my voice.
“Since I had a massage? Yeah.”
I meant to ask if it had been a while since she enjoyed a man’s touch, but at the last second, I decide not to clarify my question. The last thing I want to hear about is my wife’s past conquests. No fucking thank you.
I continue caressing her tense muscles and feel her slowly begin to relax. Knowing her breasts are bare and just out of my reach is practically a cardinal sin. Trying to figure out a way to entice Selena for more, I say, “If you turn around, I can reach the front of your shoulders better.”
Total lie. I’m hoping she can’t read my mind.
When she hesitates for a few seconds, I lean in and kiss the back of her neck. “You’re my wife, sweetheart. It’s no big deal.”
Those words hang between us, blossoming into something more than I think either of us ever dreamed.
She swallows, then slowly begins to turn toward me.
Catching her lower lip between her teeth, her eyes glossy with desire, Selena faces me on the couch.
Without saying a word, I drizzle a few more drops of oil into my palms before rubbing them together. I massage the front of her shoulders, her upper arms, and fight off the erection pressing against my zipper.
Selena’s breathing has changed—the entire mood surrounding us has changed. My gaze dips down briefly, and I watch as her nipples harden into little pebbled knots.
Unable to resist the temptation she’s placed before me, I cup the weight of her breasts in my palms and rub my thumbs across her nipples.
Selena draws a shuddering breath, her lips parting in surprise.
My fingers, slick from the fragrant oil, glide easily over her skin as I rub her nipples in small, circular movements.
A tiny groan—just barely audible—slips past her lips, and I dive in for a kiss, knowing she’s silently aching for more. My tongue pushes past her lips and she kisses me back, hard and passionate. I’ve got her right where I want her. Wet. And ready for me.
As we kiss, I move my body over hers until she’s lying on the couch and I’m balanced over her. Her thighs part, inviting me even closer, and I nestle in until my steely shaft finds her warm center. Selena gasps, breaking apart from the kiss. The contact is deliciously frustrating—so close and yet so far, separated only by a few layers of clothes. But if I have my way, they’ll be gone soon enough. My mouth moves to her neck as I continue circling my hips, bumping against her clit with each movement.
“Is this okay?” I murmur and wait in agony as she pauses, her eyes searching mine.
“Don’t stop,” she breathes, her hips lifting to find that friction once again.
I lean down and take one ripe nipple in my mouth, rolling my tongue over it and sucking on the firm tip.
Selena cries out in pleasure. “Justin . . .”
My name on her lips, in that sweet, gravelly voice laden with desire, snaps the last thread of my restraint. I kneel and grab the sides of her yoga pants, peeling them and her panties down her legs until she’s bare to me.
Christ. My cock surges, leaking pre-cum in my boxers. Selena’s body is perfection. Soft milky curves, full breasts, and a bare pussy with a pink clit peeking at me from between her juicy lips. I want to wrap my lips around it and suck until she screams. I won’t—not yet, anyway, but I can’t help reaching down to touch her. Running a fingertip down the length of her cleft, I stroke the soft, swollen bud lightly. Selena lets out a tiny, pleading whimper.
I’m trying to go slow, I swear I am, but with Selena naked and writhing on the couch, looking up at me with those huge blue eyes of hers, it’s nearly impossible. Fighting with myself to slow down and remember my manners, I stroke her clit with one careful fingertip, while my other hand caresses her breasts, thumbing her nipples.
Is there a polite way to say, Ride my face until you come all over my tongue?
“Everything okay, princess?” I ask instead, my voice husky with desire.
“It feels so good.”
She watches my hand as I continue my slow, torturous movements, lightly rubbing her clit, wanting to draw out her pleasure. I can feel how wet she is for me, and use the moisture to sweep across her swollen bud, back and forth, back and forth.
A whimper of frustration rises up her throat, and I know I have her right where I want her. There’s no way she’s walking away from this—from us—until I’ve given her what she needs.
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