#i like being able to make random world changes whenever i want

[nopoodles]

Do other indie authors also suffer under the recommendation of an "anchor series" instead of a plethora of chaotic standalones and short series?

[celestiamour]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ me & my husband ]❜

ft. the salesman (gong ji-cheol) x f! reader — squid game

╰₊✧ you don’t need your husband to be perfect, you just want him to be honest┊3.3k words; part two (here)

contains: written before s2 came out!! probably ooc or inaccurate, angst with spots of fluff & a bittersweet ending? reader’s pov mostly, suspicions of cheating, lack of communication, mentioned age gap, random inaccurate lore for the salesman

➤ author's note: yeah, i saw the sudden uptick in notes on that gong yoo post i made and realized season 2 came out which i completely forgot about. i intend to watch it soon as possible and write fics for it as well as (probably) add new characters to my writing list, but for now, please be content with this!!

₊˚ʚ 💌₊˚✧ this fic was heavily inspired by “emotionally intoxicated” by aurasaurora!

gong ji-cheol is the poster image for the ideal husband. he’s always been like that from the moment you met him, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the luckiest woman in the world when he calls himself yours. he’s tall and handsome, someone who catches everyone’s eye despite his only being focused on you. he’s wealthy and hard-working, able to call a luxurious mansion your home, and willing to buy you anything your heart desires as long as you ask for it. he spoils you rotten with that money, gifting you expensive things even if you didn’t ask if it reminded him of you. he’s doting, always sure to smother you in affection with kisses and cuddles whenever together to make it known how much he adores you. the sex is great too, he makes you feel wanted and desirable without ever leaving you unsatisfied. 

most importantly though, you love him, and he loves you. the last two years of marriage have been so blissful, and there isn’t a single thing you would change.

at least that’s what you believe most of the time.

you like to think you know a lot about him, and in a way, you do. you know his favorite color, how he likes his coffee, what he usually orders at restaurants, the type of wine he prefers over beer, the exaggerated shocked fasces he likes to make, how his favorite chore is folding the laundry, how his least favorite is doing the dishes because he doesn’t like getting his hands dirty, the name of his childhood pet, what positions he likes to cuddle or fuck in, the names he’s thinking of giving to your child when they are finally born— there are so many little details you know about him, yet at times you feel like you don't know anything at all.

you don’t really know much about his childhood aside from a few random stories, he claims there’s nothing really notable and that it was as standard as can be. you don’t know who his parents were or what they were like because he said they died when he was young, but surely that’s an important loss which must have impacted him and made youth difficult in some way? you don’t know about his past partners if he even had any, but you doubt you were his first as he was yours with a face like his. you don’t know any of his secrets, like an embarrassing moment or something sinful he might have committed in the past. 

he knew all of these things about you and the little details of your life, so why don’t you know any of the most basic things regarding your own husband?

these periods of uncertainty are few and far, but once the icy tendrils of doubt creep in, it’s difficult to shake them off when you realize you only know these things through observations and not him actually telling you. it’s a miracle your stupidity allowed you to make it this far in falling head over heels for him, getting married, and carrying his child (not that you completely regret it, you still love him, but you wish you had given it more time).

they say there are no such things as stupid questions, yet the main question you have is exactly that as it’s something every wife should know even before the marriage. it would be impressive how long you’ve been clueless about this matter if it weren’t for how often and how skilled he is in managing to evade your curiosity and steer the conversation elsewhere. you didn’t want to press on it since he seems to shut it down every time the topic is brought up and you don’t want to fight over something you technically didn’t need to know, but it weighs on you and presses into your chest with the knowledge you were being kept in the dark. 

what did your husband do for a living, exactly?

his schedule is always unpredictably changing with little rhyme or reason and it confuses you. sometimes you’ll go an entire few days without seeing him, sensing him wake up in the morning before the sun is even up, feeling him kiss you on the cheek before getting ready, and not coming back until long after you fall asleep with no communication aside from a note on the table telling you he’ll be gone for the day along with a wad of cash for you to treat yourself while he’s gone. other times he’ll be chilling at home for an entire week, waking you up with aggressive cuddles (or morning sex), making you breakfast with the morning news on in the background, and taking you out to wherever you want to go on his card in his rare casual clothing and messy wavy hair rather than the typical fancy suits and hair styled with gel. 

as far as you’re concerned, he’s a businessman of sorts, although you don’t know what company he works for or what position he has in terms of hierarchy or how an occupation of that type allows such flexibility in hours or anything at all. 

“what if he’s having an affair?”

you paused for a second before continuing the motion of slicing the cheesecake with a fork and savoring the taste in your mouth. “that’s ridiculous,” you stated simply after swallowing. “he loves me very much, and it doesn’t explain his weird schedule either.”

today was spent with some friends you met back in high school, but honestly, you were only attending out of politeness and tradition since you honestly feel like you’ve disconnected from these girls long before the current. still, you treasure the memories shared in your more formative years and wouldn’t ever say no to them if they wanted to hang out like old times. ji-cheol doesn’t bother to hide his distaste for them, calling them a miserable lot who try to drag you down at every opportunity out of jealousy for your happiness. you laugh it off, but you know deep down he’s right and yet you’re still sitting here at the cafe with them with bright smiles like their words don’t cut deep. 

“maybe he’s dating the boss— a sexy office siren type— she gives him plenty of days off and he stays with her at her beach house at jeju island or something to keep her company, and then she gives him lots of money in exchange.”

“oh my god, could you imagine?”

“can you be realistic? it sounds like you’re just writing a plot for a new drama,” you giggled, not allowing the feeling of a twisting blade in your abdomen to show on your face or the venom to drip from your words at the mere thought of the man you loved being stolen away a faceless woman who was everything you wished you were more of: more beautiful, more wealthy, more experienced, more intelligent—

“you don’t know because he’s your first love or whatever— and you’re so lucky to have been able to marry him— but men are dogs, and i don’t see why he would be the exception.”

“but he treats me so well—”

“maybe he only treats you well because you’re pregnant— he probably just feels guilty. i mean, when i was pregnant and had my first, my husband wasn’t attracted to me anymore and demanded a divorce unless i lost the baby weight.” she shrugged like it was so simple, so common, like the notion of marriage wasn’t something so deeply important and could be thrown away so easily.

“we aren’t suggesting you get a divorce, but we’re just saying you should keep an eye on him— you know? a handsome guy like him was always bound to get a lot of attention…” her laugh was shrill and high-pitched, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.

“right… thanks guys…”

that night, you couldn’t stop twisting and turning on the large sectional couch with thoughts rushing through your head of your husband with some other woman. the jealousy from these fictional scenarios without evidence of existence plagued you. it made you want to vomit up the negative feelings and go back to the person you were a few hours ago without the images of him cheating planted in your mind, which didn’t go unnoticed by him and caused him to ask what was bothering you as it wouldn't be good for the baby.

you hesitated for a moment, “could you tell me about your exes?”

“why are you suddenly curious about that?” he chuckled, knowing damn well that it was because of those stupid snakes masquerading as people (it truly takes one to know one) running their mouths again, but still feigning obliviousness for your sake. 

“just wondering,” you muttered. “i mean, you’re the first person i’ve fallen in love with, but you’re a bit older than me so…”

“and i hope to be the only one too,” he smirked confidently, making you laugh as he plopped down on the ground and rested his head on the cushion next to yours. 

it was such a casual setting in such a vast space, bringing you back to the days in your little apartment inviting him over for chicken and beer before you knew about your immense wealth and got embarrassed over your cheap dates when he was so used to expensive restaurants. he found it very endearing though, knowing you liked him for him and not his money.

“well, if you’re so curious…” he trailed off, but you weren’t quite sure if it was because of hesitation or because he simply didn’t know where to start. you can’t remember the last time a conversation like this was held to learn more about him since it was usually about you, maybe back when you first started dating and briefly discussed his late parents.

he started with his crush when he was in middle school since that was his earliest recollection of feeling love, who didn’t really count as a girlfriend or love because nothing was established and because of their age, but she was his first kiss that he ran away from right after because of how nervous he was, and it was never addressed again. apparently it was his second girlfriend who taught him everything he knew before he met you, saying she basically “trained him like a dog” to create a gentleman out of an inexperienced boy who still wasn’t quite sure how to treat a woman like a queen. she was a bit mean though, and he didn’t realize he dodged a bullet until later after realizing she was unnecessarily cruel to him for no reason multiple times if he didn’t do things exactly her way.

you suppose you always knew your husband wasn’t always the suave charmer you know him to be, but the image of younger him being clueless on matters of romance made you burst out laughing because of how you could hardly picture it.

he reached over to pinch your cheek affectionately, “are you of all people really making fun of me when you were too scared to hold my hand for me to escort you out of my car?”

“oh my god, that was on our first date, i can’t be blamed! i was shaking like crazy on that day— you had to tell me that you didn’t bite.”

“i was actually thinking about calling off our date last minute because of an emergency at work,” he confessed, “but i’m glad i didn’t and met the love of my life instead.”

“aw, you flirt.” the memory made you smile and feel all giggly inside, all the fears you had about him possibly having an affair falling away, yet there were still some lingering at the back of your mind with the mention of his job. “what happened at work?”

“nothing that important,” he said instantly like clockwork. “just some boring business things.”

you didn’t push it, not wanting to ruin the mood, but once again, your curiosity was just itching to ask more questions about his work life even if it was truly as boring as he says. you wanted to know every mundane detail whether it was what his office looked like or what the annoying co-worker did on a daily basis, anything to satiate your need to know more about this mysterious man you had made life-long vows with.

it all came to a head one night while you were cooking dinner, you heard the doorbell ring a dozen times in quick succession and answered it to find an older man with fiery red hair that seemed to match his temper. when he addressed your husband by name and verified your relationship with him, he began spewing all kinds of insults about the blood he had on his hands by luring innocent people to their deaths and you felt your heart drop. you tried to reason with him that there must have been some sort of mistake, barely able to get your words out in a fit of confusion and surprise at the absurd accusation, but he wouldn’t hear you out and pointed a finger in your face, asking if you had any idea what gong ji-cheol was doing behind your back. 

at that very moment, he was suddenly seized by two anonymous men in all black, causing him to yell out in panic as they dragged him away and stuffed him in the back of a car before quickly driving off into the night without a trace. it all happened so fast, you just stood there with your mouth open in shock, wondering if you should call the police on what looked like an abduction. 

then your husband comes running up the steps with his locked briefcase in hand, shouting out your name, asking you if you’re okay, pulling you back inside the comfort of your shared home, and checking you all over to make sure you aren’t harmed in any way. when you ask about who that man was and what he was talking about, he simply told you he was some crazy customer who was dissatisfied with the company, was looking for someone to blame, and promised to tell you the details later. 

you didn’t tell him that you didn’t believe him, just pursed your lips and furrowed your brow for a second then let go of the topic like you always do, taking his coat off his shoulders with a peck on the lips asking how his day was. he reciprocated the kiss, said it was fine without anything special, and that he would shower before having dinner, something he didn’t really need to say since you already knew but stated anyway as per evening routine. 

as he headed up the stairs and disappeared from sight, you stared at the locked briefcase resting crookedly on the little entryway table and paused for a moment. if you did this, it would be a breach of privacy and a sign of growing distrust in your husband, but it could also answer all of the questions that never cease. 

your hands wouldn’t stop shaking involuntarily as you felt the cold black metal underneath your fingertips, marveling at the smooth material clean of any scratches or dents. fidgeting with the built-in combination lock, six number sequences started rushing through your mind as you started to hastily run through your options with a focus on dates. you were determined to only do this three times since you had no idea if an alarm would be set off or if it would close off permanently.

his birthday?

an electronic beep went off indicating you were incorrect, making you nervous.

your birthday?

wrong again, you only had one attempt left. you swallowed, shaking the accumulating sweat off your hands.

the date of your wedding?

you gasped as the locks suddenly flipped open and lightly knocked against the briefcase. it was undone, you could open it at any moment now and see it all.

and yet you still hesitated during this golden opportunity. was it the fact that the passcode to his most secret possession was the day you got married? was it guilt for going behind your husband’s back for answers instead of directly asking him? was it because you were afraid of what you would find if you discovered the red-haired man was telling the truth?

whatever it was, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and locked it again, leaving it looking untouched and went back to playing dinner.

there was a heavy tension present at the dinner table that night, the only conversation present being him interrogating you about what the red-haired man talked about word-for-word. not really interrogating since his tone of voice was still calm and gentle as he asked questions, but you could see him fidgeting with his fork and not leaving much room for any other topic until he was sure you told him everything. he then sighed and claimed the man was insane, a gambling addict who was too deep in debt to afford treatment and was trying to drag him into his misery after meeting at the subway station. 

“ji-cheol?”

he froze for a second, not used to hearing you use his real name rather than a pet name. “yes?”

“what do you do for a living, exactly?”

a pause, you watched him fidget with his chopsticks and shift the grains of rice around. “you know, business stuff— nothing you need to concern yourself about—“

“but i don’t know! that’s the thing!” you felt tears starting to well up behind your eyes, letting two years of frustration trickle through. “i know it doesn’t seem that important for me to know, but is it really so important that you leave me in the dark about it for the three years we’ve been lovers? and now some guy comes to our doorstep and tells me about how your job is playing games with people at the subway station to make them participate in death games?!” you took a deep breath, calming yourself down, “please, be honest with me, that’s all i want…”

“i-i…” that was the first time you’ve ever heard him stutter, and if the situation wasn’t so tense, you would be proud you finally got one-up on him. “i can’t say… it’s for your own safety and mine.”

“so he was right?”

he remained silent, trying to think of some way to counter what seong gi-hun had told you, but if you didn’t believe the elaborate lie he already told you and wanted to learn more, then he knew this was the end of the road. 

“i-i need some time to think…” you looked defeated and it broke his heart. “i’m going to my mom’s house tonight, i’ll be back tomorrow—“ you got up, not bothering to pack anything aside from your phone and your wallet.

he had prepared for you to start screaming and crying (not that he would blame you, i mean, who would willingly stay with a man who was complicit in mass murder), demanding a divorce and packing your things to shut the door for him never to be seen again with your unborn child. the strangely calm reaction was both a relief and extremely unsettling to him.

“i won’t be mad if you decide not to come back” he stated plainly, defeated in a state you’ve never seen him in before. “whatever choice you make, i’ll support you, just know i love you— more than anything else in this world.”

you stared at him blankly through the open doorway. perhaps your husband isn’t the perfect man you believed him to be, but he was as honest as he possibly could have been with you regarding the matter, and that’s enough. 

“i love you too, i’ll be back in the morning.” that’s how you feel at the moment, but you don’t know if you’ll feel the same way tomorrow morning when it sinks in.

[babyleostuff]

─ PINK RIBBONS

𝜗𝜚 THEME: fluff, domesticity, you being jeonghan's whole world (mention of the military) 𝜗𝜚 PAIRING: idol!jeonghan x fem!reader 𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT: 792

natalia's note: idc if this is too dramatic, i don't want jeonghan to go

⦗💌 ⦘your favourite past time? playing with your boyfriend's hair, duh. sadly, it's the last time you get to do it for the next two years.

“here,” jeonghan drops a bunch of��� somethings in your lap and sits down on the fluffy rug you bought last month, his back facing you. 

your boyfriend’s randomness is nothing new; even before you began dating, you quickly found out that yoon jeonghan was an unpredictable man. but no matter how much time has passed since you agreed to be his girlfriend, you are still taken aback each and every time he decides to do something out of the blue in his jeonghan fashion. 

you quickly grew to love his randomness, though. it’s like being surprised in the best ways possible.

“what,” you pick up a packet of colourful hair ties and hair pins, “what do you want me to do with those?”.  

jeonghan turns around and looks up to meet your eyes, his own holding nothing but fondness and warmth. “my hair,” he says and shakes his head of messy brown hair he died a couple of days ago. “we haven’t done this in a while, so i thought it’d be nice.” 

your stomach churned. how many times have you sat like this - you on the edge of the sofa and jeonghan in front of you, resting comfortably against a cushion you placed so as not to strain his back. a drama or a cooking show would be playing quietly in the background, neither of you watching it, too busy with basking in the domesticity. 

looking back, it was a no-brainer that you got addicted to your boyfriend’s hair so quickly. playing with it became a little habit of yours - before bed, in the morning, at a game night with the boys, during parties - whenever jeonghan was in your arm’s reach, you’d play with his hair, no matter if they were short or long (though you always mourned his long hair whenever he cut them). it always managed to calm you down and ground you when life got a bit too much. 

you’ve never experienced deja vu before, but if this was how it felt then you’d rather be hit with a sledge hammer. it’d hurt less. 

and now… despite that you could feel your heart breaking, you couldn’t tell him no. it’s probably the last time you’ll be able to do this before the enlistment anyway, so maybe… maybe it’ll be a nice way to celebrate his last days at home? 

“it’s hair. it’s just hair,” your mind seems to scream into the void as you grab a couple of the purple-ish hair bands and slide them on your wrist. but your heart is even louder and it feels like you’re being ripped apart. 

were you being dramatic? definitely. did you care? not at all. your whole life would change in the next day or so and despite preparing for this for such a long time now, it didn’t make it any less painful. with jeonghan leaving you’d be losing a part of yourself.

“hey,” he raises his hand and grabs your chin, “get that scowl off your face.”

“i know,” you sigh. “it’s just that-,”.

“i don’t want to hear any of that. we’re having fun tonight, honey,” jeonghan says and runs his thumb over your cheek. affection and pure love, which are always there whenever he looks at you (coups makes sure to point that out on every possible occasion), seemed to slow your racing heartbeat, because the longer you stared into his brown, gentle eyes the more your mind seemed to quiet down. oh, how you are going to miss that lovesick stare. “no more sad faces, yeah?” 

you swallow and nod, your heart heavy from all the emotions. the pink ribbons and blue pins look like the opposite of what you are feeling, but… you have to be strong. if not for yourself, then for jeonghan. 

“any specific requests?” you ask and comb your fingers gently through his silky hair.

“nope. whatever you do,” he says and turns his back to you, “it’ll look perfect.” you couldn't see jeonghan’s face, but you could hear the smile in his voice. 

placing a peck on your exposed leg, he makes himself comfortable against the cushions and lets out his grandpa-esque sigh. 

what the next days are going to bring - you aren’t sure. you don’t even want to think about it. but for now… for now, you are as content as you can be. enveloped by your love’s affection like a security blanket, his warm hands sliding up and down your calves, as if reminding you that he’s still there, it is enough for you. enough to swallow your tears and put a brave smile on your face for the man sitting in front of you. 

for now it is only you and him and all the pink ribbons.

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei @honglynights @jihoonsbbygirl @uhdrienne @bloodcanbehot  @iamawkwardandshy  @icyminghao @heeseungthel0ml @goyangiiwonu @bath1lda @ruurooozz @ny0sang @luuxian @onerubii  @hurrican3-insert-nam3 @mekuiikore @luvseungcheol @thenotoriousegg @yuuyeonie @soffiyuhh @svtficsarchive @hyperdramas @huen1ngk41 @lesuneczka @oc3anfloor @gyuguys @fr-freak @bewoyewo

[sunrisecaminus]

Hello again bbg I hope you're okay o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o may I request shockwave x fem! human reader who he kidnapped for experiment but oh no this one-eyed big BOI falls in love~ you can make NSFW 😉✋🏻😌🤚🏻

Take your time bbg love you 🎀✨

Message - I cooked you some good shit, now eat your dinner. Shockwave is such an interesting weirdo, I like this giant piece of crap. Love you too!

Shockwave x Human Reader NSFW

Summary - Shockwave using his kidnapped human woman as his next "experiment".

Warnings - NSFW

You have been stuck in this testing chamber for weeks now. Being fed and cleaned wasn't the issue, it was that you have not been able to walk around or do anything for forever. Holy crap has it been so long since you have been able to even change into different clothes, they have just been cleaning the same ones over and over. When you complained about it last time, the big purple mech gave you pjs. It was nice, but now you have been wearing this thing for eight days. Even if you hate your life right now, you are still very much terrified of Shockwave. He has tested a lot of things, but Megatron told him to test your pain tolerance or anything that is more "useful to him". If not, you would be disposed of, which is something you wish to never happen to you. What you didn't know, was that Shockwave has taken an interest in you. Whenever he has done his tests, you try your very best even if you were kidnapped. Honestly, he was theorizing you were going to try to escape and fight back, but you were not stupid. Shockwave underestimated you, and is now intrigued by your character and personality. You both have talked before, telling him that you were in college, about to graduate with a n/d (name of degree). He thought it was interesting how humans were kind of similar with Cybertronians, even if their physical appearances were much different.

Now, understanding your history and emotions, he won't admit how much he adores you. Shockwave hated himself for a long time, falling in love with such a disgusting creature…but it has been millions of years since he has cared for someone. He tries to give you better food, and even has been looking up trending clothes he should buy for you. Shockwave has told Megatron that they should be using you as a pet and not a disposable experiment, but it got him no where. Starscream thought you were the grosses thing in the world and told Shockwave multiple times to destroy you. You would get confused why there would be random times Shockwave threatens or hits Starscream, but its because Starscream would tell him how much he hated you quietly so you wouldn't freak out and try to escape. Shockwave is very protective of you and keeps you in that tube for a reason…but he understands that he has a job to do. He has been thinking for a while on how to save himself while also not hurting you…which got him to design a lovely plan. He now has a new test, which he asked Megatron if he should be able to do, and was excepted. Finally, time to get back to work.

You are right now laying on the floor of the tube, trying to take a nap, when you hear a door open and see the purple mech again. Opening your eyes, you get up and watch him going to his desk and grabbing data pads, graphs, and a camera. Crap, its time for the experiment. "Um…can we talk about this? Maybe we can do the running experiment again?" You press your hands on the glass and look at him with pleading eyes, oh how cute you look begging for him. "I have other plans, Ms.l/n (last name)." Oh no you had to think of something. All you can think of is knives cutting you, being smacked around, or maybe even being smooshed. Pain tolerance is something that an experiment could do many ways with, which is not helping your imagination going crazy. "I promise not to complain! Please, I don't want to be killed!" Shockwave didn't look at you, setting up the camera to face you. "Megatron changed the experiment to something else. You will not be harmed…though it is an experiment that can be seen as vulgar." Well that made you relieved at first, but than made you curious on what was about to happen. He already saw you naked when you had to get changed. You didn't feel too much shame about your body, as these bots had different beauty standards than humans…at least you hope. You didn't want to look ugly to them, but why would you care about what they think?! Maybe he will have you eat something gross? You rather do that then be physically abused. Shockwave grabs a data pad and walks ups to the tube, hooking up some wires to it that was connected to a control panel. Oh, he did this once to have you test your swimming abilities by pouring water into the tube with whatever machine he uses. "The question we are about to experiment today on is your mental compacity. We will test how well your brain can function on your ability to read or answer questions while being distracted in other things". You felt as though this was just a normal test, maybe it was vulgar because it has to do with your brain? "Oh, so like multitasking, right"? You asked, trying to sound as respectful as you can to not make him mad. Shockwave wished he could laugh, you were smarter with your vocabulary than he thought. "Something like that, yes."

The big mech goes up to the control panel and starts to press buttons, once he flipped a little switch, you see little wired tendrils coming from the top of the testing chamber. This was very new and you poked one, letting it slide around your hand a little. Shockwave grabs some cards and watches you play with the new machine he made. "I will be showing you pictures of colors or items on these cards. Try to answer them as best as you can without being distracted by anything that goes on inside the chamber. Do not react and stay focused if they poke you, you understand?" After explaining the rules to you, he sees you nodding without any questions as he pulls out of the cards. "Square" You feel one of the tendrils wrap itself around your ankle as you answer the question. You don't move and keep your eyes on Shockwave. He pulls up another card. "Magnify Glass". One of the other tendrils wrap around your stomach. You gasp as it slowly slips under your shirt and slides around. "Sir! Are you sure this is necessary for the test?" Shockwave takes another card out before he looks up at you. Goodness thank god he is recording you, he was probably going to watch this tape more than once. "Of course, I need to test how well you can pay attention. Now name what is on the card." You couldn't believe what was happening, but you didn't mind too much. Your cheeks get red and kept naming the cards. The tendril in your shirt tightens around your lower chest while another goes under the cloth, pulling the shirt off over your head. "Ah! Sh-shockwave wait-"! When you called his name out, his head looks down. He didn't want you to know how much this was making him go nuts. He never gave you a bra to wear for today so your boobs were out already. The tendril wrapped around you starts to wrap around your breasts, squeezing and massaging them. You moan from the sensitive touching and start to get weak in the knees. "Mhmm! U-um car~" You kneels down, feeling the one around your ankle goes up your leg and pulls on it, making you naturally spread your legs on the ground. Thankfully you had nice pants, because then Shockwave would have seen how soaked you were from what was happened. Being in such a sensual position was making your mind think of so many things.

Shockwave watches you, basically saving the picture of your body in his mind. You are right now having your legs spread while kneeling on the ground, having one of his machine tendrils touch your boobs. He hesitated before he pulls out another card. "Y-yellow." You were still going, how smart you seemed to him. Human creatures were so simple and dumb in his eyes, seeing you being able to control yourself while having, what humans would consider, such a distracting experience. You were way stronger mentally than a lot of the soldiers on this ship. He wanted to make it harder, so he flips another switch and out comes another tendril. This one goes up to your pants and slides under the layers of clothes that cover your nether region. "Ngnn! Holy shi-ah!" You feel the tendril rubbing itself in between your folds and that is what makes you feel like your going to lose this experiment. Your hands press against the glass, leaning against to help yourself get more support from kneeling on the ground. You needed to finish the test or he was just going to continue this sinful act. "Cat…mhmm." Shockwave knew you were getting too weak, your eyes were getting dazed and blurry. He had one more card left, but he wants to know if you can focus when you are getting 100% attention. He presses on one of the buttons and the tendril enters into your vagina, going as deep as it can to figure out what it was working with. Shockwave sees your eyes get wide from the sudden pressure and you moan out his name. Shockwave couldn't believe this, but he felt his spike press against his panel, but he was going to wait until after the experiment to treat it. He shows you the last card. "This is the final card. Can you read it?" You couldn't believe what was happening, this tendril was slamming into your walls like it was no ones business…but if this is what he wanted, you were not going to lose this. You press your face against the glass to try and focus, blinking your eyes to keep your vision from giving out. "Purple! It's Purple!" You finally did it, now he could stop before you became a mess. The tendrils stop moving as you try to get the one off your boobs. Your hands shakily grab it, but it wouldn't move. You see shockwave flip another switch as another tendril comes down…oh no. You completed the test, you got all of them right! Why was he adding more?! You see the tendril going down into your pants like the other one. "W-wait sir, I did the test! Did I do well?" That was when you see Shockwave's eye brightens a little, watching as he puts his hand on the On button. "You did very well y/n. Now it is time for your reward." He turns it on again and you feel the second tendril push itself inside you, making your vagina now have two of them sliding in and out of your walls. You moan loudly, feeling your eyes start to water from the pleasure you were feeling. Your brain gets clouded, only thinking about your lower half getting destroyed. It only took a few minutes for you to cum all over the floor. The tendrils stay inside you when you started to slide off the glass and onto the floor. Your chest gets unwrapped, while the ones inside you slide out carefully and put themselves away. This was so embarrassing, you were laying on your stomach in your own liquids. Shockwave ends the recording and looks at the masterpiece he just made. "You surprise me, human. My processor is changing its opinion on you at this very moment. You should be proud."

[writingwisterias]

hope this isnt off limits but how would eras leon react to their partner being into ddlg?

Hi!

I have no problem doing this for you! I hope you like it 💕 I'm churning these out as fast as I can lmao...I'm dead from work but almost to my holiday 🥺

Warnings: NSFW, Ddlg, Fluff, MDNI

AFAB!Reader

RE2:

I actually think he would settle into this role easily, like it sort of makes a routine in his life

He would be embarrassed at first just with the idea and worried if anyone saw but eventually he would settle pretty quickly

I think he would lean more towards getting you the thing you would want like teddies

Less likely to punish you even if you break the rules he's given you because he caves easily

In terms of the use of daddy I think he would freak out a bit at first, never letting you see it because it would almost feel like you are aging him and the world is already doing that so he might be a bit reluctant

He's never thought he would be into something like this but he ends up actually liking it and it fit really well with the both of you

RE4R:

He would love the idea of being able to take care of you and provide for you in a safe place

I think he would also enjoy coming home and seeing what you have done whenever it's colouring or just being cosy on the couch

He would also shower you in love and affection very quickly. All the money he earns goes to bills, food and you.

I think he's more of a quiet observer, so he just enjoys being in the living room watching a film as you sit next to the coffee table drawing etc

He prefers watching your favorite films and shows. He will say they are bad but secretly he loves them

Huge on praise Kink, all you have to do is bat your eyes at him and he's dragging you to the bedroom with a raging hard on

At first the use of Daddy would shock him and take a while to get used to but then he would fall into the role naturally and actually refer to himself as Daddy

Infinite Darkness:

LOVES IT

Like he's all in straight away no need for further questions

He loves spoiling you but becomes firm if you break his rules

Has raging hard on's all the time with your innocence.

Often Feels guilty about it but you always seem up to pleasing him so eventually he doesn't get guilty anymore

Doesn't let you in his office because you always end up distracting him but somehow you always end up in there

When you do enter let's just say you will be shooed out with the promise of a red ass if you don't do it quickly

He will tease you as you cuddle and watch films or TV shows. Playing with your clit under the fluffy blanket you insisted on laying over the top of the both of you

Enjoys your whines of protest and how they eventually turns into begs for daddy's touch

Damnation:

Definitely becomes more strict in terms of you following the rules he puts in place but always makes it up when he does have to punish you

Your little doe eyes always help you get your way with him

Lazy at sex, prefers if you are so needy and do most of the work. Until you get all whiny and upset that you can't cum he'll step in then

He's away a lot more, but always at random times so he'll make sure to have meals prepared for you and labeled in the fridge. Trusting that you use them and don't forget

He will call you if he's away but if he can't he'll always make sure to send you a text

RE6:

Neither of you actually have a conversation about exploring this dynamic between the two of you it just happens naturally

It works though and Leon enjoys it as it gives him something else to focus on

Especially so after the events of the game, he pretty much lives through the events of raccoon City again and doesn't even seem phased

Until he gets back

You notice the change in his attitude and see his sad eyes. Deciding in your little brain to try and help him out

He finds it cute how you bring him your favourite teddy and cosy up to him, allowing him to thread his fingers through your hair

You'll try your best to not be needy but that only upsets him further because that's his favorite part

Your constant need for his attention

Vendetta:

Since he's not in the right frame of mind I don't think he would be as interested in the idea

He can barely take care of himself

I think the dynamic would only work during sex

It would come out to play before, during and after sex but beyond that it would have to be hidden if he's having a bad day

Sometimes when he's drunk he'll play into it a bit more, he's looser and forgotten whatever was bothering him

He would be gentle still during these times, probably loosely refers to himself as Daddy just for your sake

Feels bad that it's been washed away and he's not doing a good job at providing for you in this manner

Still spoils you rotten though

Death Island:

Doesn't like the idea of having children he's too old for that now

But you? He loves taking care of you

He wouldn't even let you work, he's got more than enough savings to last you living this life style comfortably

Prefers it if you didn't spend his money lavishly but then you are just his cheeky little girl so who's he kidding

Sex is great because you are just so willing for it

He doesn't have to worry about erectile dysfunction for a while that's for sure

Accidentally refers to himself as Daddy in public if you are meeting friends one too many times

It's just become a natural habit now, he doesn't mind though. You seem to get more embarrassed than he does

[berriweb]

Hey! If it’s okay, may I request Hobie Brown, Miguel O’hara, and Miles Morales headcanons where they find out from Miguel and Layla (of in Miguel’s case, finds out himself) that this s/o is the only variant of themselves the exists im the multiverse (like America Chavez)? I’m very interested in seeing how you’d think the boys would react to this kind of information and maybe what Miguel would do since there is only one other person (America) that is in the readers situation where there is no other version of them.

╰┈➤ ❝ one of a kind ❞

: ̗̀➛ ft. miguel o’hara, hobie brown, miles morales

: ̗̀➛ synopsis. miguel, hobie and miles finding out that their s/o has no other variants

: ̗̀➛ a/n. i LOVE this idea it’s so original, also trying out headcanons to see if I fw writing like this we’ll see, and a little side note: i had the s/o NOT being a spider-person in mind when i wrote this so keep that in mind

— MILES MORALES

in an fictional world where miguel isn’t a psycho and miles actually joins the spider society, I imagine he finds out about your situation through miguel one day during a meeting

miguel wouldn’t even intentionally share the information, if anything i feel like he’d avoid telling miles anything he didn’t need to know

it was lyla who spilled the not-so-secret secret by making an off hand joke during their conversation about his lover being one of a kind

miguel tries to brush her off and act like she was talking crazy but by then it’s too late and the way lyla worded it now has his interest piqued so miguel pretty much has no choice to either tell now or tell later when he gets tired of miles bringing it up

he explains to miles how he found out that unlike every spider-man, gwen stacy, etc. you have no other versions of yourself in any other universe, you’re the only variant

miles is absolutely FASCINATED by that idea, and while he promises not to go blabbing about it to every per miguel’s request, the next time he sees you it’s the first thing he brings up

whether or not you already knew about this, you enjoy listening to his interest in the fact as he talks about it, going on and on about how crazy it is that in the infinite amount of dimensions and universes there are, there’s no other person like you

he feels incredibly lucky and grateful that you ended up in his universe and doesn’t stop telling you that

miles also enjoys theorizing with you in random moments where you both have nothing to say about what other versions of you would be like if you did have variants

his favorite theory was a universe where you became spider-man instead of him

you both enjoyed imagining that reality for two completely different reasons (he just wanted to see you in the suit)

— HOBIE BROWN

unlike miles i don’t think hobie would find out directly from miguel because i’m a firm believer that he’s hellbent on being a nuisance whenever he can

he found out by snooping through miguel’s database when he was away from the spider base

hobie hadn’t been looking for anything on you in particular, but when he saw his s/o’s name he couldn’t help but be just a little nosy

who wouldn’t want to know what other versions of their lover was like?? and at the moment he realized that like other prominent figures in every other spider-man universe, he’s never seen any of your variants

so imagine his surprise when he wasn’t able to find anything on you

he ends up nonchalantly fessing up to Miguel when he returns wanting to know what’s up and about the other versions of you, and after sitting though Miguel cursing him out for getting into his database (and him fussing at Lyla for letting him do it) he breaks the news to hobie that there are no other versions of you

Oh???

he’d be more amused by this than anything

after learning this his compliments will change to him constantly making comments about how he’s the luckiest guy in the world multiverse to have the only y/n

will make sly jokes about keeping you safe because if he loses you there’s no replacement, which earns him a nice smack on the head

he’ll ask about how you feel about knowing you’re the only version of you, since as cool as it is being able to see other visions of how you could’ve turned out would be something you’d have to miss on

— MIGUEL O’HARA

in my eyes miguel wouldn’t react as chill or as positive as either of the other two would’ve

he finds out when he’s regularly checking up on the universes and starts to notice a small detail that no matter where he searches he’s never seen another you, which was likely unusual considering the amount of repeats and variants of every other person

when he asks lyla to go through the database to see what she can find, she confirms his suspicions that the only pattern in every other universe aside from your own is that there is no other version of you, not a single person even remotely close to your looks or personality in fact

i don’t think miguel would bother telling you this after he finds out and wouldn’t let you know unless you ever came to the realization yourself and asked him about it since of course he of all people would know

he’d appreciate the fact that he still ended up with the only version of you to exist, but due to what happened with his daughter during that absolute disaster a little voice in the back of his mind would be worried that if he lost you you’d truly be gone forever

one day after he finds out you two would be relaxing somewhere by yourselves and miguel would casually bring up what you think your variants would be like, just to hear you voice your thoughts on the matter

he’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t cross his mind once he found out there was no way to confirm it because there’s only one y/n

miguel would ever in his dreams think of just going to another universe to replace you with another variant of you if something happened (or would he? that’d be such a good fanfic idea i’d so write that for the angst), it was a cruel thought, but know that’s not an option makes him appreciate and treasure being with you way more often that he did before, so expect him to be more clingy for no apparent reason for a while once he finds out

[tayas-words]

Seduce Me The Otome Head Canons edition!

I have a Geology Mid term tmr morning…am I studying? No, I’m writing out my headcanons about a game that’s about sex demons.

James

- Despite how dominant he is, there are very rare times where he lets himself be vulnerable with Mika. While they’re watching a movie sometimes he’ll lay his head on her lap and let her rub his scalp to help him relax.

- He likes action movies

- He really likes Halloween, he sees it as a way to be whatever he wanted to be, because of how he was forced to be the perfect prince for his father.

- in the demon world, James would find Damien after he managed to escape his father and sit in silence with him, allowing Damien to speak with him in his mind.

- He’s really good at sewing

- His first child is a boy which scares him, scared he’ll fuck up

Erik

- Really likes to read fantasy books

-really likes horror movies, he likes to laugh at how stupid people are in them

- enjoys things like fall festivals, he likes being able to walk around the stalls and smell all the cinnamon and Caramel apples

- everytime Mika would turn his flirting down he does the damsel in distress move where he puts his hand on his forehead and one on his heart and goes “oh how you wound me.”

- he knows how to play the flute really well

- one time he walked in on Mika having a sad day and she was watching old Barbie movies (he walked in on fashion fairytale) and it has become his guilty pleasure.

Sam

- EXTREMELY affectionate towards Mika when it’s either just the two of them or just around the mansion

- guilty pleasure is he actually likes rom-coms but will never admit it, only one that knows it is Damien

- he loves burgers BUT he won’t eat any vegetables on his burgers, only bacon cheese and mustard.

- car man, he knows how to fix cars and do oil changes and all that stuff

- when he gets anxious, he’ll take his chain off and put it on his finger and spin it around

- even though he’s really bad at it, he loves to dance with Mika. They’ll be in the kitchen and Sam will turn on some random music and they’ll start dancing

Matthew

- he has a love hate relationship with horror games, especially when he knows his brothers are home, they’ve all scared him while he was sitting in his and Damien’s room so he now locks the door

- he loves creating decorations for the house during Halloween and Christmas

- while him and James are both amazing in the kitchen (and I mean everywhere else too), Matthew is better with dessert than actual food foods

- his favourite thing to make Mika whenever she’s upset or something, is either some sort of cheesecake or apple crisp

- even tho he hates Simon Tabby, there’s a drawer in his dresser that has a little bed in it for him

- he loves cats

Damien (my favourite)

- once he’s comfortable with Mika, he’s not as quiet as he was before (especially when it comes to flirting)

- he becomes good at sewing

- he’s actually really good at painting and photography

- he is the BEST hider in hide and seek

- Halloween is the only time he ever let his demon form out (he still wore clothes dw)

- he got Mika to teach him the stuff she was learning at school (well got her to teach him from like grade primary up to her level)

[soap-ify]

cw — angst, hurt / no comfort, major character death. italic paragraphs are flashbacks!

moon, tell me if i could / send up my heart to you ?

It wasn’t that the love between Johnny and you ever died.

It was still there. Pure, unadulterated, always burning just like a fire. And Johnny, too, was like a fire — boisterous and powerful, smart and fiery.

He kept you warm, but he stung too.

Marrying him was the best decision of your life. But everyone gets selfish sometimes, and the selfish part of you started craving his presence more in your home, rightfully so. You knew that there would be instances like this, where he’d be gone for too long and with no contact, sometimes making it feel as if he was just a hallucination you had fallen in love with all along. Given the radio silence, of course.

Him coming back had started becoming less joyful. You no longer ran up to hug him, and he no longer smothered you up with kisses. You were exhausted, and he was too. A brief eye contact and a soft smile was enough to show that you were grateful he came back alive. A mutual understanding between you two.

You knew he never stopped loving you, and it somehow hurt you even more. Love wasn’t always going to fix a marriage, it seemed. No matter how much you cry and swatted at his chest, distressed whenever he’d come back with a new injury.

You were the one who watched him change after all. More distant, more tired, too focused and tense. He was scared just like you. Yet never short in giving you his love.

“M’gonna get us a wee kitty.” He said one random morning, hair all messy after just having woken up, a sleepy grin adorning his lips, arms lazily wrapped around your waist. “We’ll raise it together.”

You sometimes wished you had his optimism.

“I love ye, I do!” He raised his voice in agitation, blue eyes wide in desperation while you were on the verge of tears, anger simmering beneath you. “But I can’t just quit my work like tha’...”

“I miss you, Johnny… I-I am tired of being scared all the time when you’re gone!” You choked back on a sob, shifting on your feet, careful to not step on the shattered pieces of the vase you had bumped against earlier.

“I know…” His voice cracked too, and something in your heart broke, knowing that he wasn’t going to back down from this mission. “I’ll come back, I promise. I promise m’never gonna leave ye alone like this.” He tentatively stepped forward before wrapping his arms around you, letting you cry on his chest.

Johnny never stopped loving you, and sometimes a weird part of you wished he did, because it wouldn’t hurt this much when he’d break his promises.

It wouldn’t hurt this much when the knock on your door turned out to be Johnny’s Captain and not him. It probably would have stung less if you both had stopped loving each other.

“John was the best of us. He’d’ve fought the world bare handed.”

Price’s words were forever ingrained into your brain, bitterly so, and it made you want to jump on that Captain and wrap your hands around his neck tight. You couldn’t even protect my Johnny.

You didn’t touch Johnny’s dog tags for a good two weeks, not even looking at it, simply pretending that he was still on his mission

“I won’t let you step into this house when you get back.” You said in a broken, frustrated voice while he stepped out of the house with that damn duffel bag, not giving you a single response.

You don’t recall what the argument was. Just a silly thing that got you both frustrated. All you remember was that those were your last words to him, and it hurt. You never meant it, and you knew he didn’t mean all the stuff he said to you too. That’s just how marriages were, right?

But if you knew that was going to be the last time you’d see him, you’d cry and hold him tight, ramble about every single thing you loved and hated about him, tell him about everything.

You wished you were more selfish, somehow able to convince him to not leave the house. Just for once.

Your hands mindlessly reached out for the dog tags after what felt like an eternity, wincing at the cold material. The warmth was no longer there, replaced with this icy air that was rotting you slowly.

Your fingers slowly wrapped around the dog tags, bringing it towards your face, your lips gently pressing a kiss against his name while beads of tears begin rolling down your cheeks for the nth time since the last two weeks, a broken hic leaving your mouth as your breaths gently fanned the steel in attempt to warm it up, your wedding ring gently grazing against the chain.

Your legs finally led you out of your bed, taking you towards his office that was just a few steps away from the bedroom. You never really stepped in there — especially not since he died, and you didn’t want to, knowing that his scent had probably vanished away.

Your trembling hand gently turned the knob down, opening the door with a click while your other hand tightly clutched onto his dog tags, too terrified to let him go.

His office was neat, just a few papers tucked out of a slightly open drawer. The place was sickeningly cold, making you feel nauseous while your eyes stung with the incoming tears, your throat burning up.

Your eyes landed on a canvas at the edge of the room, right beside the window, a stool placed in front of it while a white cloth was neatly draped over the canvas, some paint smudges adorning the visible wood of the canvas’s stand. He never told you he was working on something.

Your body worked faster than your brain and before you knew it, you were in front of the canvas, hand hastily reaching out to remove the piece of cloth and—

You.

It was you on the canvas, a big goofy smile adorning your lips while you held someone’s hand, probably his. You looked so happy, warm colours adorning the painting, only half done. It was unfinished.

Your legs gave out and you fell onto your knees, your hands covering your mouth in shock, the dog tags slipping from your fingers and hitting the ground loudly. Tears blurred your vision and a loud, distressed wail finally left your lips while you crumbled, hands desperately clutching onto your hair, chest heaving.

He was drawing you. He was drawing you before going on that mission. He was always drawing you, every inch of your face forever memorised in his brain, never letting you go. He couldn’t even finish the painting, he hadn’t even started coloring his hand — the only visible part of him in the painting.

A distant meow halted your sobs as you looked around, the cute little ginger kitten he had gotten you two walking over to you, another soft meow leaving it.

“It’s just you and me now…” You sniffled and gently pulled the kitten on your lap, fingers running through its fur in a desperate attempt to ground yourself, your eyes moving back onto the painting, every fiber of your body feeling as if it was punched and squeezed tightly.

“When I die, m’gonna send ye little angels from above.” His drunk words caused you to giggle softly, nuzzling into him while his hands held you by your waist, both of you lazily swaying in the living room to some sappy old song.

“Don’t say that, Johnny.” You huffed playfully, though still meaning your words.

He chuckled and pressed an affectionate kiss on your nose, smiling cheekily. “Ye are bloody right. We’re gonna die old and happy together, yeah?”

Johnny really never stopped loving you. Though just like a fire, he too, vanished into thin air and left behind this undying cold.

[neutron-stars-collision]

Deadlines & Commitments

Neil x F!Reader

Chapter 10 - Waterloo Underground Station

Masterlist; Chapter 9 Summary: A spontaneous decision on your side takes you both out of London for the weekend. The proximity and a different setting forces you to address some reckless choices and face the tension. Warnings: Swearing, explicit language and, as always, a tiny dose of angst and confusion on both sides. Author's Notes: Publishing a chapter every 2-3 months is cool, right? 🙈 As always, I blame work and my brain for that. These two make life difficult on the daily basis. But, alas, it's here for all five of you to enjoy 🎉 This is the first of my 'Skegness chapters', which a nickname I gave to the weird concoction of ideas that required my setting to change for a moment. Said weird ideas included an ice bar, stargazing and swing dancing... Yeah, I know. I think there will be one more chapter finishing this part of the story, because as you can see, these two are only getting messier. Don't we just love that?? Thank you for reading and let me know what you think? 💕 Taglist: @hollandorks, @kristevstewart, @stargirl25 (let me know if you want to be added).

You could not exactly say if anything changed after that Saturday morning when Neil lifted the metaphorical veil of secrecy, but you knew that some things were different. Like how you perceived the world - at odd times aware that, for some people, movement was not always a forward motion. Some bullets could fly up instead of falling. During those days when Neil texted you to say he was away and would not be able to meet, he was most likely not sitting behind a desk, going through paperwork. Or listening to people confess their sins in a darkened confessional.

No, it was quite possible he could be dodging those inverted bullets and trying not to be injured. Or worse. Admittedly, you tried your hardest not to think about that whenever Neil was away. You filled your time with lessons and rehearsals, fully immersing yourself within the four realms of The Nutcracker. Which, if you dared say so, was going well. Suspiciously so.

But if there was one thing that changed on the sunny Saturday, it was the fact that you took one significant step back. At some point that day, faced with the reality of Neil’s occupation and the things he had to deal with, your brain decided to take one step back, withdrawing from any forms of intimacy that breached the carefully crafted line. The line was drawn in the sand, daily rearranged to fit the narratives you had tried to believe. That was how close friends behaved. There was nothing wrong with the desperate desire to talk to him whenever you spent as much as four hours apart. Lies like that.

But you no longer kissed him. Never let yourself get lost in the passion so easily ignited between you through something as innocuous as a touch of a hand. If Neil noticed your feeble attempts at stripping away the benefits part of your friendship, he did not show it.

If he ever asked, you were not sure you could explain it. Except that a naïve part of your brain wanted to believe that if something terrible happened to him, it would be easier to move on. To forget without the burden of memories filled with kisses and touches no one else could ever replicate.

In a way, it was a blessing that Neil was never the one to initiate a kiss or something more between you without a clear green light from your side. Yet, still, you did not consider it a blessing. More so a convenience that eased the burden of guilt. Slightly.

Still, your weekly standing dates on Wednesdays and other random outings continued, setting a routine you could not begrudge. It was easy (too easy) and pleasant (too pleasant) to have someone to talk to and share every little thing that came to your head, the good and the bad. And if, in exchange, you got to know Neil even better, confirming your assumptions that he was possibly the smartest and most wonderful human being to exist – then that was more than alright.

It was only at the end of October when that steady routine and daily schedule, without an ounce of variety, except for maybe a different idiotic song stuck in your head, started getting boring. Tiring with repetitiveness. It was that sort of excuse you repeated in your head as you typed into the search bar performances of travelling ballet troupes doing The Nutcracker and consequently chose a destination. There was never such a thing as too much inspiration. Surely. And a weekend away from the beloved yet chaotic London Town did not sound bad either. Certainly.

All was well until the subsequent Wednesday morning when you stared at the fluorescents on your descent to the platform, your eyes burning from a deficit of sleep and an early hour. Mornings like this meant trouble. They sounded like spontaneous decisions and recklessly made plans.

But as always, sense was hard to come by when faced with those beautiful eyes and a smile almost too good to be true. A takeaway coffee cup in his hand, placed under your nose as soon as you sat, was a key factor, too.

The gleam in his eyes zeroed in on you as you stifled another yawn and picked up the coffee with a grateful smile. The verbal response had to come after that first sip.

“You look like you need this” the affection in Neil’s voice was, as always, a dangerous, heady thing.

More so when you were sleep deprived and quite likely to say fuck it to things that you should not say fuck it to. You took the second sip of coffee before even trying to respond.

“Desperately” on their own accord, your eyes wandered over his face, cataloguing every tiny detail you could see from such proximity. The stray eyelash on his cheek caught your attention, so you reached out, brushing it away with a feather-light touch. Only Neil’s startled look told you he had noticed, “Thank you, sweetheart” before you could chicken out, you breached the minuscule gap and kissed his cheek. The victory in hearing his shallow gasp was fleeting, yet still very much there, “Waking up when it’s still dark is utter shite, innit?” frowning at the plastic lid, you sighed heavily.

It was even more damning to think about the return home that afternoon, also cloaked with twilight and the streetlights coming on, one by one, as you cowered from the wind and the drizzle. But that should wait. Without letting the sombre mood deepen, you moved closer to Neil, letting his warmth seep into your cold body and frozen heart.

Fuck knows if that was even an accurate metaphor. Or if it was something you wished to be true.

“Add jetlag to that and… yeah” unaware of your teeny crisis, Neil raised his arm to place it around your shoulders, pulling you closer. The nonchalance of the gesture, seemingly a natural habit by now, did not escape you “But I’ve only got the briefing to tick off today, and then I’m free for a week” the slight brag in his tone made you frown with feigned jealousy.

Or not so feigned.

It was good to have him back after two weeks of nothing but texting and occasional phone calls, cumbered by the frustrating invention called ‘time zones’. What did not need to be mentioned were the hours you spent worrying whether the next text would ever arrive. If he would call again. Every prolonged silence felt like a trigger, baiting the anxiety to come out of its hiding place and torment you. There was nothing you could do but harden the convictions you had tried to set for yourself.

Neil was just a friend. Definitely just a friend.

Well, it was good to have your friend back.

“Lucky you” ignoring the strange aftertaste that sentence left on your tongue, you snuggled against his side and asked “How did Canada go? Many inverted bullets?” sometimes, it still stung just how little you understood what his work entailed.

Sure, Neil has offered impromptu physics lessons and slightly extended explanations. And sometimes, you took him up on it, taking inexplicable amounts of pleasure from watching him gesticulate and light up when trying to make you understand how the laws of physics could be inverted. That gleam in his eyes whenever Neil had a chance to talk about something he was passionate about made it impossible to look away from him, drawing you in like a magnet. But maybe that was just Neil’s magic in general.

“Yes, but it was relatively calm. Just a stake out, really” sighing, Neil somehow pulled you even closer and rested his cheek against the top of your head, stoking the flame in your soul “I managed to fulfil the goal, so at least they won’t fire me” the chuckle rumbled through his chest, highlighting the insecurities dormant underneath.

Now and then, you could see them clearly like this. And each time, they made you frown. It made zero sense for someone so incredible to doubt himself. With a personal vow to never stay silent on the topic, you raised your head with a rebuttal prepared:

“Please. As if John would ever do that,” measuring Neil with a look that dared him to protest while also showing that you were not taking it seriously, you placed a comforting hand on his knee and squeezed.

You had abandoned the pretence that you could withdraw from intimate gestures of that kind a long time ago. The resistance was futile.

“You’ve met him once, Cupid” Neil’s wry smile broke through the attempt at seriousness, failing to convince you that he believed a word he was saying.

Because, yes, you might have met the boss once. But it was clear their bond was deeper than that. There was something profound in the affection they held for each other and in the faultless way they could communicate without ever saying a word. You wanted to understand it better but were still at a loss of how to ask. You worried that the simple: Neil, is John in love with you? -  would not quite catch it. Even though you were 90% sure it was true.

“Which doesn’t mean I haven’t seen him look at you with literal heart eyes” shrugging, you pointed out the bullshit in that flawed evasion and used your free hand to tip his head, so Neil had no choice but to meet your gaze. This type of sentiment necessitated eye contact, “And I get it. I do” it was easy to drop the mask and just let him see.

See how much you cared. See how important he was, nearly faultless in your eyes. A precarious position to be in, but no less coveted. Because your admiration was a rare thing, and Neil knew that as his eyes widened, instantly showing hints of vulnerability and uncertainty. They always made him look younger, less hardened by life’s experiences, and more like the self-proclaimed romantic Neil was.

“Truly?” the quiet eagerness in the single-worded question made you grin.

It was adorable that he still needed to ask.

“Madly and deeply, too” cracking a smile as Neil caught up with your joke, you leaned back on his shoulder and rested your head on his neck.

You already knew that a mistake was about to be made. You could feel the question settling on your tongue, impossible to swallow or ignore. You wanted to ask him.

And so, you did.

“I have a strange question…” admittedly, the preamble could have been more thought through.

Less menacing, perhaps. You could see Neil’s frown appear from the vantage point of your head, lying on his shoulder. He glanced down at you, clearly trying to foresee what you were going to say before he drew blank and replied:

“That’s the best starter. Shoot,” his hand covered yours, still resting on his knee as Neil tipped the coffee cup, downing the remains.

Right. You closed your eyes for a split second and took a deep breath, hoping against hope that it would do something to calm your racing heart. (It didn’t). As much as the idea was perhaps the worst one you had ever had (maybe except for sleeping with Neil that first night), it was something you wanted. And you were unable to deny yourself anything. Which more than once proved to be an issue.

“So, you’ve said you have the week off now… And I’ve booked a weekend trip to Skegness to see a different production of The Nutcracker for research” the words left your mouth in a rush, all melting into one another, barely intelligible and followed with a question as soon as you took another greedy inhale “Would you perhaps want to come with?” once it was done, you hid your face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling the collar of his leather jacket.

His scent permeated the material, calming you down a little bit. You chose not to examine that fact too closely. Or at all. But before you could successfully hide from him, Neil shifted so that he could gently raise your head from his shoulder and asked:

“Skegness? That sounds like a rash, dumb idea” his gaze calmly searched your face for something while a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

It was not like you did not know the idea was ridiculous. Resisting the urge to swat him, you rolled your eyes and shrugged. That was still better than an outright rejection. Despite the judgement and ridicule.

“It might be,” forcing yourself to maintain eye contact, you chose to add a vulnerable note to an invite that otherwise could have seemed thoughtless. It was as if you were asking for the sake of it, when instead you asked because you desperately wanted him to join “I just need to go somewhere” anywhere, in fact.

Anywhere but here. Because suddenly London felt too much like home. Too comfortable and familiar. But none of that needed to be said. Not yet, perhaps.

With Neil still refusing to drop your gaze, you fought the urge to turn your head away from him and allowed yourself to stare back. To be seen. After what felt like hours, he shot you a quick smile and took your hand to tangle your fingers in reassurance. It always worked.

“Well, as it happens, I love reckless ideas and bad choices” Neil’s grin widened as you sighed with pretend exasperation and glanced at the Jubilee map above his head to ensure you had not somehow missed your stop.

Fortunately (or not), you still had roughly two minutes to commit a dozen of fuck ups. More or less.

“Do you?” always devoted to the cause, you leaned in closer, stopping just a breath away from his face and slowly dropped your gaze to his lips.

By now, it was a reflex. Something you could barely control and never had to force. Only now, with your resolve to take a step back, very much crumbling but still there, it was much more destructive. An instinct, going against everything you tried to believe. Against logic. It took you another second to catch yourself and raise your head again, barely stifling a quiet gasp when you found Neil transfixed, too. The boundless depths of his blue eyes almost begged you to stop trying to fight the inevitable. Again. But you could not.

You should not.

“Quite,” the word left his lips in a whisper as you lurched back and stood up quicker than he could process the movement.

You closed your eyes against the uncertainty in his eyes and raised your hand in a silent wave as the carriage doors opened at Southwark. It was rude. It should not be done to Neil, of all people.

But it was the only thing that made sense at that moment. Or so you tried to tell yourself.

***

When Cupid randomly suggested a trip to Skegness over the weekend, Neil, for his part, did not even try to pretend he did not want to come along. It was a fact that later filled him with shame, proving that he could not separate himself from her to the point where he stopped trying. He did not need to ask himself whether his answer would have been different if she proposed Slough or Aldershot as a destination. He knew that it would not change a thing.

Although, perhaps, it should’ve.

But, if Neil was certain of one thing, it was that he was a masochist. Through and through. Because what could go wrong over a weekend trip with a woman he was absolutely not in love with? Nothing, surely.

An hour and a half into the drive up from London that he had heroically volunteered for, Neil had yet to question the decision. Swiftly changing the lanes on M11 to ensure they did not accidentally end up in Cambridge, Neil glanced at the passenger seat only to find her still deeply in slumber. The nap, excused by a confession that the past few weeks of intense rehearsals had been tough on her, happened after they had left Barking, and the traffic eased. Neil could not possibly find it in himself to begrudge her. Even though he had been left alone with nothing but her ridiculous playlist, filled with Euro hits and his thoughts. Both of which were not the best company a man could ask for.

Admittedly, the past few weeks, Neil was eager for anything that would distract him from the narrative his brain was desperate to thread. He could tell that Cupid was distancing herself, suddenly shying away from leisurely touches and moves that could lead further than an affectionate kiss on the cheek. And, despite countless attempts at ignoring this evident development, Neil could not seem to do just that. Instead, it was a thought that attacked at least convenient moments, sowing doubts upon doubts in his mind. If he were braver, he would have asked. But there was no bravery among the confusing thoughts and feelings, rendering him helpless in the uncertainty.

In those difficult moments, Neil could sometimes face the fact that he was 90% sure he understood what made her withdraw like that. He had seen it before, usually in the faces of fellow Tenet agents after a difficult mission or a close call. That hard but seemingly sensible decision not to pursue anything with someone with a lowered life expectancy. It was safer that way. A careful move to ensure one’s heart would not be broken because of the worst happening. A step back.

It was something Neil expected to happen just as much as he feared. Because there was nothing left to do but let her steer their relationship in the way she saw fit. Embarrassingly enough, he was just happy to be her friend.

In the traditional, non-fucked up way, that did not entail sex, that is.

Unfortunately.

And if that was part of why he jumped on the weekend trip without sparing a thought to the contrary, then it was no one’s business but his. There.

“Whereabouts are we?” the innocent question coming from the passenger side made Neil startle, instantly dropping the lid on the intrusive thoughts.

Stealing a glance at Cupid, Neil noted her mussed hair and bleary eyes as she blinked repeatedly, looking out the window. There was a certain degree of cosiness in seeing her like this - sleepy-eyed and comfortably existing in his space. Despite the uncertainty in his veins, Neil had to admit it proved that her trust in him was unwavering. The idea offered a sliver of comfort as he focused his gaze back on the road, answering her question:

“We’ve just passed Cambridge” her stifled yawn made him grin as Neil passed a slower car and changed lanes to avoid yet another slip road towards whatever the fuck Swavesey was, “You can go back to sleep. I can follow the nav,” another glance at the screen told him they were yet to get lost, which was a plus. Yet, still, it was better to manage expectations, “More or less,” a smirk made its home on his face as Neil stole another glance at Cupid, immediately noting her answering smile.

She looked almost radiant in the rare autumn sun as she stretched her limbs like a cat and twisted her body to face him more comfortably. Suddenly, Neil was very grateful for having a task that required his full attention. Anything was better than staring at her and losing his mind more with every passing minute.

“That’s encouraging” the sarcastic tone seeped through her voice as she settled in the seat and replied, “I might bother you for a bit now” Neil knew she meant it to be a threat.

Except that it was anything but. It was a promise of a distraction and a way to know her even better. Something he could not deny himself if he tried.

“Splendid idea” there was no point in hiding the affection in his voice. Even less so as he risked a relatively safe opener, betraying his sole motive behind the conversation, “How are you?”

It was one thing that none of the non-stop text exchanges ever covered. Sure, he would ask, but she would rarely answer. After some time, Neil concluded that Cupid was not keen on sharing her burdens. At least, not the ones that counted. The only times he succeeded were the face-to-face conversation when she seemed eager enough to open up. He could only hope this was one of those moments.

“Honestly?” thankfully taking his silence as an agreement, Cupid sighed before she let the words out, “I think I’m fine, but also that fear of self-sabotage is very much there, so…” she paused as if collecting thoughts to share. Neil patiently waited for her to continue. It was already promising, fulfilling the untold wishes he had for this conversation, “And sometimes I feel like my problems are so damn insignificant, it’s ridiculous” scoffing with frustration, she briefly turned towards the car window as if needing to forget about his presence for a moment to say what she wanted “But then I doubt you can relate” he frowned upon hearing the indirect jab. It was not vicious or spoken with malintent, but it felt wrong to consider himself somehow above her based only on his professional occupation. But before Neil could open his mouth to protest, she asked, “How does it feel to be saving the world?” the wistfulness in her voice matched the faraway look in her eyes.

But even that distant gaze was focused on him, ensuring that she wanted to hear an answer. It was enough encouragement to get him to share something honest. But not without righting a wrong assumption first.

“I wouldn’t go that far. But I know what you mean” carefully adjusting the speed to fit the limits of the motorway extending before them, Neil gathered the remaining bravery to share the thoughts no one else would be willing to hear, “Sometimes the shit I worry about seems so fucking stupid when I go to work and sit through hours of meetings discussing what could happen if we mess up” never quite able to stop feeling things long enough to speak words that were not impassioned, Neil swallowed past the sudden spike of anxiety at the thought and chanced a glance at Cupid.

She was always the perfect distraction. So utterly unwilling to pretend just for the sake of it. So true to herself that Neil frequently found himself consumed by jealousy at her bravery. Even though he knew she would disagree with his judgement.

“Which is?” now, she levelled him with a sober stare as the question brought him back to the present.

Neil did not need to doubt whether she wanted an honest answer. That much was written on her face and the sudden tightness of her features, bereft of humour. He must have done a good enough job introducing Tenet to her if she already understood the stakes with minimal information. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“Nuclear catastrophe. And that’s the best scenario” he could not help the weight of the words as they settled in the space between them, harshly contrasted by the Eurovision hits coming from the speakers.

If the topic were any lighter, Neil knows he would have laughed. But there was no space for laughter when faced with Cupid’s silence and the knowledge that he was the cause. If not for him, she would have been peacefully unaware of the dangers that could happen to their world if things ever went wrong. He was yet to determine whether it was a good thing that she now knew. If the moral weight added to his tally had been worth it.

“Damn…” Cupid closed her eyes as she let out a deep sigh and rested her head against the headrest, staring at the road ahead for a beat. The next time she spoke, humour had crept back into her voice. Neil knew it was mostly for his sake, “So, you better not fuck it up then, sunshine” she reached past the gear stick to squeeze his thigh and just as quickly dove into the tote resting by her legs, clearly in search of something. None of that whiplash could have prepared him for her next question, “Do you fancy crisps?” raising the crinkling packet from the bag, she offered him a bright grin.

Only the mischievous spark in her eyes told Neil she knew what she was doing. And that she knew she was successful in what she had envisioned. As always.

“Cupid-” a groan of frustration cut through a plea that was best left unsaid anyway.

Mostly because Neil worried if he did begin to express even an ounce of the things she made him feel, he would not be able to stop. He did not want to think about what would happen between them then.

Yet, still, he should have known Cupid would be relentless.

“What?” faux innocence permeated the question as she noisily opened the crisps and popped one into her mouth.

Neil was helpless against the wave of affection that spread through his chest.

“Nothing” shaking his head, he took a cautious glance at the nav before choosing how to answer the question. He knew there was no way in hell Cupid would accept anything less but half an honest reply. That much he could give her easily, “Sometimes I think you’re the penance gods sent me for being a menace to society,” fondness filled his tone as he chanced another look at her, immediately noticing her widening grin.

He had hit the jackpot. That was the type of compliment Cupid would consider the highest praise. Not peans towards her beauty nor poems about her grace. Those were never needed. It was another thing he liked about her.

Too much, probably.

“Is that a compliment?” as expected, she latched onto the praise with the hunger of a wolf, all sharp teeth and unbridled joy.

She seemed almost aglow with it. The warmth kept spreading through his chest like a firework. Neil was beginning to worry he would soon catch fire.

“Of the highest degree” a nod was the best he could offer as he shot her a quick smile, hoping Cupid understood he meant every word of that unconventional adoration.

Somehow, he knew that she did. She always seemed to know what he meant.

“Well, then you better repent” with her blinding grin turned towards him, she picked up the abandoned packet of crisps and extended it towards him.

Neil knew two things: 1) he had to take a crisp, or she would not give him peace, and 2) an undefined sense of balance had settled on his shoulders when they finished the peculiar conversation. Both realisations had led him to believe that, perhaps, this weekend would not be as much of a disaster as he worried.

***

It took you less than half an hour to complete a loop of the Skegness city centre. If it even was worth that label. It took another half hour of wandering around the pleasure beach, with its screaming children and blaring music, for you to develop a minor yet persistent headache. If you were to point fingers, you would blame the sudden, yet not unexpected, ‘Baby Shark’ appearance as you strolled past a nautically themed rollercoaster. An abomination, in fact.

Yet still, you were the only one to blame for this, having urged Neil to visit the town not even an hour after you had made it to the accommodation. The quaint, little holiday park was 10 minutes away from Skegness and seemed like a comfortable place for two nights. (Thank fuck for two bedrooms – was a thought you had but did not dare say out loud). But even the picturesqueness of the spot could not eradicate the tension building underneath your skin. That panic simmering beneath the surface, urging you to move, do something, anything at all, but stay in a tiny holiday house with Neil. Alone. Vulnerable to questions you could not afford to answer. At least not yet.

So, with no weapons at your disposal, you bated your eyelashes and offered a sweet smile, effortlessly convincing Neil to visit the town a day early. A choice you had now began to despise.

Supposedly, that had been your penance for being a coward.

Now, sat in the warm pub booth, waiting for Neil to pay the bill after your dinner, something he had insisted upon despite your protests, you were beginning to understand the depths of that punishment.

There was only one thing you could think of that would help. As soon as Neil returned to the table, the bill paid and a triumphant smile on his face, you extended the proposal:

“I saw an ice bar close just round the corner… Fancy a drink?” standing up from the booth, you wiggled your eyebrows and offered the most enticing smile you could muster.

Not that it was such a big deal. But ending this relatively taxing day with a drink sounded as close to perfection as one could get after everything that happened. You also hoped it would perhaps give you that necessary bout of bravery should Neil finally start asking the questions you expected.

Like why you haven’t kissed him for weeks.

You suppressed a wince at the thought before Neil could notice as his gaze settled on you with a slight surprise. After all, the plan had been to get food and an Uber back to the accommodation. And yet, here you were, changing your mind again. Except that Neil did not seem annoyed as he regarded you closely for a beat before asking:

“With like the ice sculptures and shit?” without waiting for an answer, he took your hand in his and tugged you towards the exit.

Grinning wide, you allowed him to lead you down the street as you tightened the hold over his hand and nodded.

“Mhmm” catching his side glance, you shrugged, throwing a random confession into the mix, “I’ve always wanted to visit one,” just so your sudden request did not seem so illogical.

Looking up to check the surroundings, you located the street where you spotted the sign and tugged on Neil’s hand to direct him towards it. Somehow, you knew he would not be putting up a fight about any of this.

“In that case… how could I refuse?” the humour in his voice widened your grin, and you forced yourself not to look at him until you were standing by the bar, vulnerable to any distractions.

As soon as your eyes landed on his beautiful face, you knew it had been the right call. With the sun long set and the clock tower nearby lit with a multitude of colourful lightbulbs, his golden hair had caught fire. As always, it was in complete disarray, half falling into his striking blue eyes, all so perfectly Neil that the affection in your chest could barely be contained. For a split second, not for the first time, you had considered breaking the rules you had set and surging forward into the kiss that seemed to be waiting just around the corner. But you couldn’t.

Instead, you took a tiny step back and shot him a smirk, falling back on what had never failed you before:

“I dunno… you could always tell me to fuck myself” even the joke felt somehow unsteady, tainted with the slightest catch in your voice.

It almost felt like an act of desperation.

But then, again, you supposed it was one.

“You overestimate my strength, Cupid” when you returned Neil’s stare, you found him smiling at you fondly, clearly not bothered by the sudden change of plans.

Before you could lose all sense of logic, you offered Neil a grateful smile and started towards the bar entrance.

Without any expectations, except for the need for an alcoholic drink and a curious place that would captivate your unbalanced sanity for a short while, you were sure this would be the perfect choice. As soon as you made it inside, paid the fee (this time, you did not let Neil get away with it), and donned the provided heavy coats and gloves, your assumptions had been confirmed.

The small room, guarded by a heavy door keeping the freezing temperatures intact inside, was lit with blue, purple and pink hues, all reflecting off the ice sculptures and the bar itself. As the cold hit your face and Neil closed the door behind you, you pulled up the hood and took in the surroundings, pleasantly surprised to have only one other party as a company. It was better that way. Easier to breathe and take time in soaking up the peculiar setting you had found yourself encased within. Your gaze flitted over the sculptures, noting their detailed artistry, and then towards the block of ice used as a bar, tended by two servers in their thermal attires. Without letting yourself think too hard about the instinct, you reached for Neil’s hand and led him towards the bartender, drink tokens at a ready. Reminded of one of the very first times you had met Neil outside of your Wednesday shared commute, you turned towards him with the drink menu in hand and offered a smirk:

“Will you do the honours?” seeing his hesitance, you took a step closer and leaned in, ensuring the rest of your intended tease would not be overheard by anyone else, “I remember you mentioned something about special talents… and I don’t mean the stuff you’ve done to me on your knees” delivering the punch with a teasing edge in your voice, you glanced at Neil just in time to see him burst out in laughter.

The complimenting blush tinted his cheeks as Neil hung his head for a beat, seemingly to compose himself, and then met your stare with a signature smirk.

“With such an invite, how could I not?” extending his hand for the menu with a flourish, Neil sent you a wink before he focused on the selection.

His furrowed brows drew you in as you leaned against the bar and let your eyes trace his features with concerning affection and detail. The blush on his cheeks has been overtaken by the flush caused by the cold, reaching as far back as the tips of his ears and nose. His blonde hair, backlit by the myriad of colours, made you itch to reach out and rake your fingers through the silky strands. Tightening the fist in your pocket, you blinked against the ridiculous thoughts and forced yourself to look away in search of any empty booth. At least you could be somewhat useful.

Wordlessly, you touched Neil’s shoulder to motion at the booth in a corner and started in that direction. Settling onto the bench (also made from ice, covered with a sheepskin), you let out an involuntary sigh. Considering the current situation was entirely your own doing, you did not feel like you had a right to complain. So, you didn’t.

Except in the quiet of your head, where no one else could hear or judge. Right now, as you watched Neil place an order at the bar, undoubtedly chatting up the bartender, there was only one complaint to be raised. A singular issue – you did not know how you were supposed to stay true to the limits you had set for yourself over this weekend. With his constant presence, it was getting increasingly tricky, and in those rare moments alone, you wondered how many more close encounters it would take until you snap. Until you say fuck it and cross the line once more.

The increasingly dire thoughts were interrupted by Neil’s approach, his smug smile telling you all you needed to know about the success of the endeavour:

“What did you get for me?” you watched with increasing curiosity as Neil set the glass (made from ice, naturally) in front of you and sat opposite you.

The light blue drink, decorated with a slice of pineapple and decorative snowflakes, had captured your attention without a fault. Before Neil could reply, you picked up the glass carefully and scrutinized it.

“Try it, and you shall see” the playful glimmer in his gaze drew out your uncertain smile as you raised the glass to your lips and took a sip, “So?” Neil leaned forward, seemingly anticipating your verdict so passionately that he did not even care for his drink, waiting to be tasted.

Admittedly, he had every right to be smug about it. The fruitiness of what you now recognized as Curacao blue liqueur mixed with coconut and rum filled your taste buds as you took another sip just after the first one. Whatever it was that Neil chose – it was perfect. You could tell he was able to read as much from your face as his grin widened. There was no point in holding back the praise, no matter how much you dreaded his ego inflating.

“Damn, you’re good at this” shooting him an impressed smile, you set down the glass and propped your chin on your hand, asking a question that had been long in the making, “How do you do it?”

You watched as Neil took a sip from his drink – some unidentifiable orange and red concoction – and raised his gaze to meet yours with a surprise in his eyes. Your question was not as apparent as you would have thought. A rogue thought appeared on the horizon, suggesting that perhaps you were the first to have ever asked him about it. You did not know why, but the idea made your chest tighten with pain.

To wash down the strange sensation, you took yet another sip of the drink and allowed the alcohol burn to do its thing.

“I suppose you can call it intuition. It comes in handy in intelligence taskforces, and if there are additional perks… Well, I don’t mind having an ace up my sleeve when it comes to wooing the ladies and gentlemen” closing the brief explanation with a telling half-smile, Neil seemed to drown his unwelcome thoughts in a drink as he avoided your eyes.

Only there was nothing in what he said that could have warranted your negative opinion. Nothing outside the realm of things you already knew or suspected. Nothing but facts that only made your affection for Neil grow. Ignoring the uncertainty, you stilted his fidgeting fingers with the weight of your palm as you decided to fall back on a trusted way that would get rid of the awkward pauses:

“So, is that your go-to seduction technique?” punctuating the question with a hand squeeze, you waited for Neil to raise his head before you shot him a smirk.

An open invitation to indulge in the conversation only the two of you could have. To stop overthinking confessions that changed absolutely nothing. You knew Neil understood the message when he returned the squeeze and met your gaze with his intense stare.

“One of them, yes” without backing away from the small-scale staring contest you had just entered, he flipped your joined hands over the table so that your hand was palm-up, covered with his.

You were definitely not against that development. Although, perhaps, you should have been.

“What are the others?” because a foresight was something you never quite grasped, you arched an eyebrow in what you knew Neil would read as a challenge.

Another permission to keep going. To repeat the patterns that had never failed you before. To allow the magnetism to do its job. Like you always knew it would.

“You know them all, Cupid” shrugging lightly with the answer, Neil glanced down at your joined hands, and you could tell that was the turning point. An idea had taken root in his mind, and all you could do was wait as he took off one glove with an almost perfectly smooth move. Your mouth parted in anticipation as Neil covered your hand again and slipped his fingers underneath the glove over your wrist. His fingers lightly stroked your skin over the pulse point as he looked up again, undoubtedly finding you entranced, “I’ve thoroughly seduced you,” the corner of his mouth quirked in the signature smirk.

He looked incredibly self-pleased. So much so that you briefly considered punching that smug look off his face. But then he would have ceased tracing circles on your skin, and it was not something you were willing to part with. Not yet.

So, you looked back at his outrageously beautiful face and said the only thing that made sense in the moment. A repartee handcrafted for the occasion.

“You’ve also thoroughly fucked me” dropping the tone a notch not to scandalize too many of the unfortunate fellow bar clients, you leaned forward so that your knee could bump into his underneath the table.

The sudden shock of warmth elicited by the simple contact was worth all the secondhand thoughts you evaded as Neil continued his meticulous caress and offered you a satisfied smile.

“Which I don’t regret, my dear” the endearment was highlighted with a tap of his finger against your pulse point.

You could tell he felt the thundering heartbeat underneath your skin. But the pause, strengthened by a meaningful look between you, kicked you into a mild panic. All because this was precisely what you were supposed to avoid. A line you were not supposed to cross ever again seemed to have almost vanished.

How had you managed to fuck up your resolutions so quickly and so spectacularly was beyond your comprehension. You stifled a wince as you retracted your hand from Neil’s tempting hold and picked up the glass with a half-smile ready:

“Cheers to that” without waiting for Neil to catch up, you downed the drink and relished in the burn it had left behind.

The pleasant buzz of the alcohol in your veins would hopefully be enough. At least enough to ignore Neil’s worried look as he finished his drink and wordlessly stood up to get the next round. You did not need to ask him for a repeat of the previous choice. He already knew.

You marinated in the realization until he returned to the table, sliding you the glass almost with resignation. As though Neil was upset that you had cut short the previous conversation. It was concerning that he had even noticed it happening.

Before you could find another topic to fill in the sudden silence, Neil asked the question that seemed safest, all things considered:

“Why Skegness?” an undertone of curiosity returned to his face as Neil leaned forward, seemingly eager to understand.

To know every single one of your thoughts, no matter how ridiculous. Or inexplicable. Admittedly, the whiplash of the two conversations, back-to-back, had you reeling as you took a deep breath and attempted to untangle the complex web of your mind to offer him something substantial:

“I think I just needed an escape, and this was the first thing that came up” shrugging lightly, you closed your eyes for a beat, gathering the courage to add more depth to the confession. With anyone else, you would not have felt the need to share, but for whatever reason, Neil escaped any bounds you had set up for every other relationship. You did not particularly enjoy dwelling on that fact for too long, “I know it doesn’t make sense, but sometimes I like to believe that if I leave London for a bit, maybe when I come back, the fears won’t be there anymore” with each word, you could feel the conviction waning, replaced by the crippling fear that Neil would find you ludicrous, not worth his time “Maybe in my absence, they too will disappear, and I’ll be able to start anew. Without burden,” there was something in his gaze as he held yours, not willing to let go even for a second, that made you continue, delivering the final notes of the confession with a resigned sigh “But then I know I carry them with me no matter where I go, so… It’s stupid” unable to withstand the weight of his gaze any longer, you looked down and picked up the glass to take a hearty swig.

The drink still tasted just as good as that first sip. But it barely eradicated the lingering shame, thriving in the silence. Sharing those most sincere and private thoughts was always complicated. Something you avoided unless you had no other choice. But for some unknown and terrifying reason, it was different with Neil. All he had to do was ask, and off you were, running your mouth like an idiot, spilling embarrassing confessions as though he needed to hear them.

And yet, somehow, Neil was undeterred. As though he wanted to know.

“It’s everything but stupid” as if able to hear your internal spiral, Neil bumped his knee into yours underneath the table to draw back your attention. Once you had begrudgingly complied, looking up at him with a pained expression, he continued, “A change of scenery, no matter how questionable or brief, can do wonders” despite yourself, you cracked a smile at the implied shade towards the lovely town you had found yourselves in. Neil’s resulting grin was a good enough reason to do so, “But the same goes for talking things over so… I’m here for you if you need me,” punctuating the sentiment with an affectionate smile, Neil met your gaze and once again extended his hand towards you, laying it palm-up on the table.

It was a clear message. One that you were free to ignore if you so choose. The trouble was that whether Neil knew it or not, there was no reality where you could deny him. Not now. Not with the alcohol buzzing in your veins and the recent memory of his touch on your skin. Now, you had no choice.

So, willfully ignorant of the blush on your cheeks, you met him halfway and allowed your fingers to rest in a loose tangle. There was no need to think about what the reply should be.

“Thank you,” offering a bashful smile, you took a deeper breath before allowing yourself to confess what he had not yet heard and what needed to be said, “You genuinely might be my best friend,” lacking the bravery to meet his gaze, you felt Neil’s fingers squeeze yours, forcing you to keep going “Which might be surprising considering how short we know each other, but… it just makes sense” as soon as the words were out of your mouth, you knew they were right. It made sense. Perhaps too much sense, at times. Like now, when you finally looked up to find Neil staring back at you with a curious look in his eyes. Unable to decipher it and not lose your mind in the process, you weakly gestured with your unoccupied hand at the space between you, strengthening the point “This makes sense,”

You did not want to think what would have happened if Neil had denied your bold statement right there and then. The following rejection would kill you long before shame or bad decisions ever could. Even if he would not mean it like that. That was the trouble with sharing confessions and the sincerest feelings – you never knew what you would get in return.

But before you could spiral further, feeling the familiar pull of anxiety make its way through your system, Neil squeezed your hand once more and replied:

“Yes, it does” the three words were filled with enough fondness and conviction to cut your ruinous ruminations short in a flash.

And, if just a moment later, they were replaced with another set of anxious thoughts, reminding you of lines you could not cross and inconvenient feelings that should never be present, then it was your business only. You buried them under pleasant discussions that filled the next fifteen minutes it took you both to finish the drinks and decide it was high time you left the bar. After all, catching a cold was not on the itinerary.

By the time you got up from the seat, it almost seemed like the tides of the conversations had turned for good. You had moved on past the worrying silences and tension between you, bursting with possibilities and disasters in the making.

Except that it was only an illusion.

Because as soon as you were both standing, Neil stilted. His gaze clouded once more with something you could not decipher, except that it was not something you had seen before. He searched your face for a beat, seemingly frozen in a decision you were not partial to. You got as far as opening your mouth to ask what was going on before Neil’s eyes focused, and he muttered the simplest of phrases:

“Fuck it,” he swore as he closed the gap between you and cupped your cheek to pull you in for a kiss.

As his mouth crashed against yours, all you could think was how much you had missed it. His taste filled your senses as you rose on your tiptoes to get even closer, throwing back the hood of your coat with the sudden movement. That first contact broke the walls you had tried to instil, and there was no holding back now as you moved your lips against his in a familiar dance. Neil’s hesitancy soon gave way to firmness as he confidently prodded with his tongue, urging your mouth to open and let him delve in. There was nothing you could do but comply with the unspoken request.

As soon as his tongue brushed against yours, you let out a quiet whimper, the sound lost between you, but you knew Neil heard it. He pulled you imperceptibly closer with his arm around your waist and groaned as though unable to hold back. It did not matter that you were in public. That you were making a scene. That the kiss should not have happened.

Still, after another beat spent blissfully kissing, the reality caught up, making you part with a sigh. Despite knowing better, you leaned back in to kiss him briefly, sealing the deal and resting your forehead against his. Just for a moment. Until you were brave enough to open your eyes and find Neil looking back at you like he always did. But where you knew he could see how shaken you were by the development, Neil appeared in control. Almost blissed out by what has happened. The sight gave you the necessary courage as you grasped his hand in yours and squeezed it, hoping to convey a simple message: I’m sorry.

It had to be enough for now. You swallowed past the anxiety and shot him a smile, hoping the daze would keep him from seeing the confusion in your eyes. Keep him from understanding how much you did not know what to do. How to act with the lines long crossed and no regret to be found in the depths of your heart.

***

Neil closed the sliding doors of the holiday house quietly and stepped off the wooden terrace to feel the soft grass underneath the soles of his shoes. This late, close to midnight, the holiday park was quiet, the silence only sometimes interrupted by a burst of louder laughter or a dog barking. He unfolded the blanket gathered from the pull-out sofa (and his designated bed) and placed it on the patch of grass. With a quiet grunt, he sat on the fleece cover and tipped his head up to look at the night sky. With his gaze slowly adjusting to the darkness, Neil could already tell the view was much better than he could ever find in London. Here, at least five miles from Skegness, it was possible to make out some constellations. Sure, it was still far from ideal, but it was something.

A good enough distraction from the fact that approximately four metres away, Cupid was showering and getting ready for bed in the bedroom. Briefly, she battled him on that, eager to claim the sofa as hers and offer him the bed instead. But Neil could not possibly accept that. The stubborn gentleman gene in his DNA, the same one that always insisted the lady must get off at least once before he would be able to come, was quite adamant on that front. So, without allowing room for discussion, he gently pushed her towards the bedroom doorway and ordered her to bed. She did not argue.

She did, however, insinuate that Neil could join her. For a moment, that is. Just long enough to ensure the aforementioned mutual orgasm and a brief respite from the tension. But, despite how enticing all of that sounded, he declined, somehow knowing that the kiss had not solved anything. It did not change her mind. It certainly did not suddenly untangle the complex knot between them. Sex would only make that worse. And while Neil was brave enough to take the first step, he knew this would have to come from her. Only from her. As an action instead of empty words. An active choice. Only that could break the impasse.

Well, either that or her outright rejection, sealing the deal on ‘just friends’ bullshit Cupid seemed set on. But, after tonight and the kiss she certainly did not reject, Neil did not quite believe that other option was still on the table. Sue him.

Sighing against the inconvenient recollections of how she whimpered when his tongue slipped inside her mouth, Neil reclined on the blanket and focused on the skies. It tended to do the trick, calming his mind on stressful missions and whenever life got too hard. There was something almost therapeutic about looking up at the stars and distant planets and being reminded of the insignificance of everything else. Of the vastness of the universe and how moments like this did not matter in the grand scheme of things. None of the heartaches and regrets held any importance. Not really.

Now, feeling the heavy weight of the day settle upon his shoulders, Neil stared at the inky skies as his eyes easily located the familiar clusters. The faithful Polaris was there, guiding him every step of the way. While it sometimes felt silly to admit whenever he was in the southern hemisphere, and Polaris was nowhere to be found, Neil felt untethered. As if something was missing and could not be replaced until he returned home. Other times, he was keen to admit that feeling was also something akin to insanity.

Sending an affectionate smile at both bears gracing the sky, Neil settled his gaze towards the west, locating his favourite neighbour within the solar system – Saturn. It shone brighter than any star, even this close to the Moon and dimmed by its light. It was close to the edge of darkness, likely to disappear within the half hour. But Neil knew that while the planet was still present, keeping him company, he would stay there. Thinking, resting, and letting the cold seep into his bones to remind him he was still alive.

Only like this, he could hope to process the evening and not make a mistake. Like knocking on the bedroom door and asking her to take pity on him. He knew she would. She would forget her inhibitions and do whatever he needed. But then, once the passion had burnt out and it was time to sleep on the sofa, Neil knew the regret would set and settle. No, that would not do at all. He had to be patient and let her realise this was meant to be. Just like she said – it makes sense. They make sense.

And not in the overly romantic version of the notion. That was not needed. He didn’t need that. He just needed her. As a friend, as someone he could be himself with. Someone who accepted him and sometimes even needed him. Even if only for a night.

Yes, that would be enough. It would be.

So, without letting himself get too ahead, Neil stayed on the blanket until Saturn disappeared from the horizon and the dew nipped at his clothes. Silently, he crept back inside the house and closed the terrace door, mindful of every move. From inside the bedroom, he could hear her quiet snores. The sound made him smile, swallowing the dangerous affection way down where it would not be found (until tomorrow) and turning off the lights he did not need.

This was enough.

[graceful-starker]

Tony the Friendly Ghost pt. 2

Summary: Getting used to Tony's sex drive is an ordeal.

Warnings: Mild dub-con/consensual dub-con, ghost!Tony, rough oral sex, come inflation.

Notes: I have loads of ideas for this AU, enjoy this installment!

~~~

Getting used to Tony had been a long process. Getting used to Tony’s sex drive was a whole other ball game. Peter can hardly take a shower anymore without Tony taking advantage of his nakedness. Which, sure, Peter isn’t really complaining; but still! He would like to be able to change clothes or take a shower without earning a sore ass. His friends are starting to question why he chooses to stand so much.

“Listen,” Peter had said, panting for breath and hanging onto the shower wall for life, “not that I don’t like-like when you fuck me, but you have to let me shower every now and then without taking advantage. The water bill is getting insane, Tony!”

Tony had completely ignored him, kissing Peter’s neck and pushing two fingers inside Peter’s already incredibly well-fucked hole. 

Peter had keened, digging his fingers into the wall uselessly. “You’re going to kill me, at this rate,” Peter had whined. 

The fingers had quickly retreated, Tony’s hands instead landing on Peter’s hips to help the poor boy remain standing. 

“Thank fuck,” Peter had mumbled, shakily releasing the wall and reaching for the soap. “You can just ask, you know. There’s better times for me than when I’m changing or showering. I can get naked other times too.”

That had been a mistake, Peter had realized quickly. Because making Tony aware that he was not limited to when Peter was already naked made Tony try and get him naked every other time. 

Such as, when Peter is trying to tidy up. Or when he’s trying to cook. Or when he’s walking from one room to the next. 

In telling Tony he needs to fuck Peter less, Peter has opened a world of new opportunities and times to do so. Peter is fucked no less than three times a day now. Tony will just pull his pants down at random points in his day and have his way with Peter, whenever he wants to.

Right now is about to be the third time of the day, he’s sure. He’s just gotten home from work, tired and a little cranky; nothing his ghost can’t handle, though. 

“Tony,” Peter calls when he walks through the door, hanging up his keys and jacket. “Listen, can we talk? Where are you?”

Tony bangs gently on the white board in the living room, and Peter walks that way. BAD DAY? Is already written there. 

“Kind of,” he mumbles, sitting heavily on the couch. He rubs his face, taking a deep breath. “I’m just really tired. It was a very long day, lots of running around doing errands.”

The marker squeaks against the board, and Peter waits for it to stop before looking up. I CAN HELP YOU RELAX. 

Peter smirks, leaning back against the couch. “I’m not up for your method of relaxing right now,” Peter teases. “You’ll wear me out even more.”

I CAN DO ALL THE WORK. YOU CAN JUST LAY DOWN. 

Peter laughs softly, shaking his head. “Maybe if you were capable of being gentle,” he half-jokes. “You can go one night without fucking me, you’ll be just fine.”

The marker hesitates, the other words getting erased slowly. Then, I COULD USE YOUR MOUTH. 

Something sparks up Peter’s spine at the wording; at the situation in general. Tony has never really been the best about asking for what he wants. Not that Peter minds. Half the time Tony makes Peter feel loved and cherished, like a real partner. Then the other half, he makes Peter feel like a convenient, available sex toy. Like his only purpose is to serve Tony sexually, to be available to be used 24/7. 

He thought he might mind the feeling, might resent Tony for making him feel this way. Instead it makes him hot, even as it confuses him. 

“You’re just going to use me?” Peter asks, and can’t keep how much he likes the idea out of his voice. “Doesn’t matter what I want, then?”

The marker is placed on the board, and Peter’s breath hitches. That was his only confirmation of where Tony was. 

“Don’t,” Peter says, but his cock is twitching in his work pants. “I’m not- I’m tired, Tony.”

Tony’s cold fingers tightly clench his jaw, yanking his face upwards. Peter’s eyes go wide, and he gasps loudly. Tony takes advantage, sticking his thumb in Peter’s mouth and pressing down on the tongue. 

Peter whines, one hand coming to wrap around where he assumes Tony’s wrist is, and the other pressing into his own jaw gently. 

Tony pulls his thumb out and uses his other hand to stick two fingers in Peter’s mouth. 

Peter chokes on it at first, coughing against the intrusion. But his body gets used to it the more Tony’s fingers move in and out of his mouth, and he looks up at nothing with wet eyes. 

Tony pulls his fingers out finally, and he tilts Peter’s face up even more. 

Peter whimpers, eyes filling with tears that he hopes looks pretty to Tony. “Please, I don’t- it’ll hurt. You’re too big! Please Tony, don’t-”

Tony cuts him off by slipping the tip of his cock past Peter’s lips, stretching Peter’s mouth even wider and tightening his grip on Peter’s jaw. 

His jaw is going to bruise; Tony isn’t good about being careful. Peter finds that not only does he not care, but he hopes he bruises. He hopes he has some physical proof of this happening, something to look at and remind him of this exact moment. 

Tony starts by slowly moving his cock head in and out of Peter’s lips, before pushing further in. He hits the back of Peter’s throat, and keeps pushing. 

Peter’s eyes widen as he realizes he isn’t going to be eased into this. His gags against the first push into his throat, his lips stretched obscenely around nothing. He quickly gasps in a deep breath through his nose, not knowing when Tony will allow him to breathe again. 

He manages it just in time, because Tony pushes deeper, blocking off his airways, just as Peter finishes. He keeps pushing and pushing, and Peter chokes violently with tears running down his cheeks. Tony keeps pushing until his balls rest against Peter’s chin, and Peter can swear he feels Tony’s cock halfway to his stomach. 

Peter chokes on it, the hand on his jaw moving to cup his throat and feel Tony. Tony’s hips pull away fractionally, and Peter can breathe for a second before Tony shoves back inside. 

Tony starts to pull his cock out until just his tip is resting on Peter’s tongue. He gives Peter just a second to suck in a new breath before slowly pushing back in as deep as he possibly can. The noises he’s pulling from Peter’s throat are obscene, and every single one makes Peter’s cock twitch in interest.

Peter feels tears rolling down his cheeks, and he can hardly see anymore. Tony is fucking his throat brutally, speeding up with each thrust as if he’s trying to quickly train Peter’s throat into taking such intense abuse. Just the thought of that makes Peter whine at his first chance at air. He’s absolutely leaking, darkening the front of his pants where he’s already tenting them. 

Tony uses his free hand to run his fingers through Peter’s hair, tangling his fingers into the locks and yanking just enough to sting. Peter isn’t sure how Tony manages to find the exact line between pleasurable pain and actually hurting Peter. 

The ghost continues to brutalize Peter’s throat until Peter is drooling all down his chin and his jaw is aching. Peter squeezes his neck just to make feel it that much more intense, just to make it that much harder to breathe. 

The hand wrapped around Tony’s wrist slips down his torso to rub at himself through his pants, choking on a relieved groan at the pressure. He moves to unbutton his pants and pull himself out, but then Tony pushes him by shoving his hips harder into Peter’s face. 

Peter chokes on it, his hand coming up to try and stop Tony’s hips from moving any further. He looks up with tears clumping his eyelashes together, hoping he’s glaring at Tony’s face. 

Tony grabs onto Peter’s hand with the one he had previously been using to hold onto Peter’s jaw, tangling their fingers together and keeping it far away from Peter’s own aching cock. The second he realizes that’s what Tony is doing his cock jumps, and he feels like he could almost come without touching himself at this rate. 

He whines loudly around Tony, feeling his face heat with how long Tony has kept his cock buried as deep as possible and cut his oxygen off. 

Tony squeezes his hand, finally pulling out again until just his tip is between Peter’s lips. 

Peter sucks in desperate breaths through his nose, running his tongue along the tip and eventually through the slit. He hollows his cheeks and suckles on the tip, taking deep and measured breaths until he feels like his lungs aren’t burning anymore. 

Tony squeezes Peter’s hand again, and that’s the only warning he gets before Tony starts to fill Peter’s mouth, shooting the first few ropes of come so they cover Peter’s tongue. The temperature is a bit weird, just like the first time he tried a taste. 

Peter loves how much Tony comes, he loves the way it fills him up and bloats his stomach out. But that’s when Tony is buried up his ass, not in his mouth. His cheeks quickly puff out with how much Tony is giving him, until he can’t hold it anymore and it starts to dribble out the corners of his mouth and down his chin. 

Tony tightens his grip on Peter’s hair and pushes his cock in more, pushing more come out of Peter’s lips. Peter whimpers and tries to swallow, but Tony is replacing it faster than Peter can swallow it down. More and more is pushed out of his lips, making a mess of Peter’s chin and his work shirt as it drips down his chest and starts to land in his lap. 

The ghost pushes further down Peter’s throat, pushing past the point where Peter can breathe, and keeps going until his balls are back to being pressed against Peter’s chin. 

Peter’s eyes widen as he starts to panic; Tony's cock is pulsating in his mouth, and he’s just grinding his hips in tiny circles as deep as he can.

Peter whimpers, swallowing uselessly and gripping his neck tighter. He looks up at Tony with pleading eyes, begging to be allowed to breathe again.

Tony ignores him in favor of continuing to grind his hips against Peter’s face, continuing to shoot his load down Peter’s throat. Peter tries to swallow, but he’s choking on it and some keeps bubbling out of his mouth and down his chin. He feels like he’s being filled to the brim, like he might explode with how much Tony is filling his stomach with. 

His eyes roll into the back of his head as his vision starts to dot with black spots. His grip on his neck and Tony’s hand both start to loosen.

That’s when Tony finally pulls out, and Peter gasps in a lungful of desperate air, his lungs aching. He chokes on Tony’s come, feeling his breath shudder with it. It takes him a moment to realize Tony is still coming, and is painting Peter’s face with ropes of it.

He whines desperately, his own cock absolutely throbbing with need, and opens his mouth again. Some of Tony’s come lands on his tongue, and Peter swallows it down and closes his eyes as more and more lands over his face. He sticks his tongue out again and Tony takes advantage, shoving his cock back down Peter’s throat and feeding him more. Peter’s jaw is aching, but he loves the feeling.

He finally lets go of Peter’s hand, and Peter wastes no time at all. His hand flies down his pants, pulling his cock out and stripping it as quickly as he can. His other hand leaves his throat to rest on his stomach, groaning at the way his stomach is bloated with how much Tony has fed him. 

Tony finally finishes, pulling out and resting his softening tip against Peter’s swollen lips. Peter gasps in air, fisting himself faster until his eyes roll into the back of his head and he comes hard enough to reach his chin. 

He recovers slowly, panting with an open mouth and looking down at his stomach. He groans at the sight of it, letting go of himself before he gets too oversensitive. “Fuck,” Peter says; or tries to, at least. It comes out more a whisper of air than anything. His voice is fucking wrecked, and his throat hurts already. “Oh, fuck.”

Tony lets go of his hair, petting Peter’s cheek instead in comfort. Or maybe he’s smearing his come into Peter’s face; it’s hard to tell with Tony. 

“Tony,” he tries again, but it’s hardly audible. 

Tony finally lets him go and Peter sees the marker move. I TOLD YOU I COULD HELP YOU RELAX.

“That was not relaxing. That was the opposite of relaxing,” he manages to get half the syllables out, at least. 

YOU LOVED IT, Tony writes, not hesitating even a second. 

Peter grins, looking down at his stomach and wiping some of the come off his cheek. “Yeah, I did,” he agrees just as easily.

[kel-lance]

Eyeless Gojo AU: Prequel

Requested off my comment from https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTa8kfU/

“@Taaot17🍉: Some sorta AU I need where Gojo takes them out as saying he’s leaving what he was born for being behind & now will act only on instinct (& an excuse to always be touching Geto)”

————————————————

———Warnings: mention of death, blood, killing, morally grey, slight mind control, Gojo just reacting to his cptsd in this universe, slight grooming (adults ideals on Gojo and their children), mindbreak, yandere(?)———————-

first year! Gojo who didn’t understand the feelings he was feeling, it wasn’t hate, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his “rival”

that Gojo wanted to be his friend but Geto is more pained in this universe. real angsty teen. 

Gojo being treated like Naruto as a kid, by the other kids, and the adults the opposite.

They loved him, they wanted nothing more to marry their child to him, or in some way praised him like a god.

He had a power, premonitions as well as incomprehensible strength and sorcery. Anyone would be lucky to be something to him.

He could make perfect guesses, his 6 eyes in this au would let him see months in the future, aiding his clan on any assassination, kidnappings, it was just like a built in body guard, or like his own spider senses, except he’d see the moments in time, as random as they may be.

Growing up he hones his skills, training his body to be able to take care of himself (and others) and to also see further int eh future if possible. It didn’t cost him much, just gave him a headache after.

the kids have seen him cry, bleed, just acting like an annoying brat, unlike the great power their parents reminded them they weren’t. (when he was just a kid who wanted friends.)

Geto was further away, Gojo feeling lonelier than ever. The third student, Shoko, would barely show up for classes. There was no reason for her to be there other than to have men ruin her sleep. She’d come by a random day of the week, showing disinterest whenever the attention was placed on her, even to answer a problem on the board. (in this universe she didn’t choose them so they didn’t choose her (but like intensified))

Gojo knew about things happening, but not when, igniting his want to be friends with the multi spirit user. He could see him in his future, for a while… so he wanted to have it already.

Gojo tagging along with Geto whenever he can after classes.

Gojo excited to go on missions with Geto (Geto would rather do it alone but he still spars with Gojo, using his classmate to train himself harder while white hair was just dancing around him.)

2nd year!Gojo’s thinking Geto’s warming up to him when he’s starting to envy and hate on him more. but if you can hate someone its bc u care, and he wouldn’t admit that until he thought he saw once or twice, Gojo’s clown mask fall. 

(this is basically Geto as reverse Gojo who’s like emotionally stunted but in angst instead of fuck boy/class clown disguise. His intense emotions are confused and he still can’t figure out what could be up with his rival bc Gojo lets him win every time.)

Goj’s favorite thing was how Geto never stopped treating Gojo the same as when they met, or rather he never changed himself just bc he gained a friend, someone as special as Gojo.

He saw it in his 6 eyed vision. He was almost running his mental thin by using it so much, trying to see more into the future, seeing more of how He and Geto would take on the world together. He keeps it to himself for now. 

Geto who does start to warm up to Gojo the second half of their second year. Gojo not really knowing how to take it and is so happy

they start to hang out a lot, getting over their weird hate at first phase of their friendship. 

2nd year Gojo realizing he’s so comfortable around Geto that everyone knows if Geto’s somewhere Gojo’s right beside him.

That they’re best friends in a quick amount of time, because Geto would complain about others and teach Gojo what it’s like being a normal kid. 

Geto teaching Gojo to stop relying on his future vision as he was able to break through one of his visions. Gojo was supposed to win, but he stopped his body for a second and got knocked over.

Geto suggests he blindfolds Gojo if he wanted to really use his senses. correctly. He tells him that his power is getting in the way of him being a real person, and Gojo agrees.

Gojo becoming so comfortable and given everything all the time that he places his hands wherever he wants. He didn’t know about personal space since everyone was in his, so he was actually confused when his hug was rejected by Geto for the first time.

Geto scolding Gojo how that’s now how friends act so Gojo asks him how it really is, kind of hurt.

Geto needing to teach Gojo that he can only do that with him as other people would either not like it or like it too much. 

Gojo saying they’re not like Geto. There was nobody else but him.

3rd year them on /their mission/ 1/3 into the school year

Toji coming in and killing Geto, and then Amanai. 

Gojo realizing he didn’t see that happen bc of the no cursed energy. 

He believed he got Geto killed and that stopped him. He let Toji kill Amanai who was scared and hiding behind him. 

He shoots her and stabs Gojo in the neck, he’s trying to cut his head off until Geto comes in with a woman

Toji turns around bc that’s his gf yelling for him, then she stopped.

Geto kills her with a tool, and unleashes his curses on a shocked and unready toji. It was easier to say she was a civilian caught in this mess, and that toji did it.

Geto calling Yaga and Shoko to help put Gojo’s head back together.

After surgery and using her Reversed Curse technique, Gojo’s back but he’s not the same.

he wasn’t smiling all the time, he was expected to be next to Geto the moment his eyes opened, but once everyone saw him wake, all he did was try and turn his head away. 

He stays ignoring ppl for first few weeks as he healed. Geto and him had an argument at some point in-between, trying to understand what was the issue.

It was weird, got had just gotten used to being smothered by his now best friend. He was worried. Of course he had to heal his own injuries but it didn’t leave a stain in his psyche.

turns out that one second where if he were to have save Amanai, Geto would’ve died. its not that he feels any way that two innocent women died, but there was actually a chance Geto could actually not be in his future anymore. 

The fight ends with Geto saying he’s not Gojo because of his power, he can’t let that make the path for him, that he has to stop being  so blind when he knew so much more 

Gojo not understanding what Geto means and goes back into his depression hole. “he knew more, he know better.” Gojo tells himself as he’s always been told what to do, and how to be, and the one person who he’s grown to trust is telling him that his own feelings are wrong, he’ll try harder to be better for Geto.

There goes another week without Gojo, he wasn’t answering his room door, Geto couldn’t feel him there. 

Of course he was worried but there was nothing that could get to him, as Gojo knew what was going to happen. So it must have meant Gojo was safe, or wasn’t needed right now, Geto left it alone.

Geto one day has a feeling that his texts weren’t sending, hopefully his food orders were keeping him full. He decides to pay him a visit today. 

-----------------------------------

A/N: I didn’t proof read but I hope y’all get the idea, I had to make the background first to build off to actually write more.

This is 1/3 of the fics that were requested so far, I’m open to more. (and accepting donations (nami emoji 🤑/I got fired for the protests a bit ago and am hoping to keep my 4 cats comfortable 🙃) Ty for reading 🩵

Cashapp: taa10t

PayPal: appleg0d

Venmo: taakt17

[alcalystrasz]

I know you've been waiting for it. So... Here's my first theory about Stranger Things 5 :

(No Spoilers, just a theory)

Theory n°1 : Vecna's crazy role this season.

Alright, I'd like to start first with a resume about the 4 lasts seasons. For the three firsts seasons it's kind of my thoughts because Vecna never really explained his role during these three seasons, so I'll try to make it logical.

Season 1 -> Will gets kidnapped into the Upside Down.

If we remember what Vecna said to Nancy in S4, he says he was a sensitive, lonely kid. He was good at drawing, and he always felt different. You know who's EXACTY like that? Yup, Will. So in my opinion, he kidnapped Will in the first place because he was like him. But why keeping him so long without killing him? Because Will's good at hiding? No. We learn in the book about him being in the Upside Down what actually happened to him. He said he tried multiple times to "kill himself" like getting the Demogorgons to eat him, but whenever they got the chance they turned back. So I think Vecna was controlling the Demogorgons in order to not kill Will. He maybe wanted to test him, or keep him here until he could be able to do something with him. Take over him, get inside his body, or other stuff... So then Will's finally saved, but it doesn't end for him.

Season 2 -> Will gets possessed by the Mind Flayer.

So this season, Vecna probably wanted to test Will more, or, this time, to take him in his side, since they have the same personality. So he got the Mind Flayer and sent it to possess Will. However, in the end, Joyce made it to remove the creature from his body. That, of course, made Vecna mad, especially when El closed the gate. But, fortunately for him, it wasn't the end.

Season 3 -> The Flesh Mind Flayer wants to kill Eleven.

Russians opened an other door, which is why he was able to control the Mind Flayer through the Upside Down. Cause if the gate is closed, no more control and the Mind Flayer "dies." Which is what happened at the end of season 3 by the way. But, why willing to Kill El, and not controlling more Mike now? Simple question. She's always changing his plans and that annoys him. So killing her off would be the best to get Will to join him in is...what? Army? Maybe. But she managed to destroy the Mind Flayer, once again, with everyone else this time. That is when Vecna got super mad and finally decided to go in the nature and kill some teenagers. Yeah, let's go Henry!

Season 4 -> Vecna wants to kill Eleven.

Sooooo.... So far, Vecna was not a good master to his puppets (got the ref?), so he decided to be the big master, without puppets this time. We learn in the late season, that the more he kills, the more he becomes stronger, so he's like "Yeah let's go kill, to be come stronger." Logic. So he went down to kill, but not nobody, random teens with past traumas who feel guilt. Chrissy, Fred, Patrick... then El went to fight him, and honestly watching this I was like "Bitch are you nuts he's stronger?" And he, in fact was. The only reason El managed to get out of those vines she was trapped in was with Mike's words (sort of). So she then finally beat the ass out of him and he, of course, got totally BURNED by the fruity three (rip Eddie). But then what? We see he got away with it, he's still alive, and we learn from Will's words (oh weird?) that he's still alive, he's hurt, but he's there. And he doesn't want to kill just El or her friends now, but everyone in Hawkins. So it isn't about saving them anymore but the whole town.

So, now considering all that. Here's finally my theory:

We know Vecna wanted to control or make Will join him in the first two season, and it was logic, cause they're alike, they're sensitive, lonely, they feel different from other people and they're good in arts. During these seasons, Vecna probably wanted to observe and understand Will's behavior in some circumstances. Like what if he gets into this world like Vecna got into? He's traumatized? Oh shit. Well how about his personality changes completely like Vecna. He's also traumatized? Well that's a bummer.

What I'm trying to say is that Will and Vecna are very connected even now. Before, with Will's presence in the Upside Down and true sight, but also now because he also and still feels him behind his neck, like before. He was trying to, small steps by small steps, leading him to join him. And that'd what I want to point out.

I think, Vecna will try to finally make Will join him. BUT, Will, of course, won't accept. So I imagine Vecna putting Will in a sort of transe state, like he did with his four other victims, and maybe show him some moments in his life, that shows how miserable and how sad his life is, and that he'll be way better and stronger if he came with him. But Will will refuse. Why? He may be sensitive, a little naive and sometimes stupid, let's be honest, he's not going to let Vecna take him, because there's one thing that'll make him stay: MIKE FUCKING WHEELER. So I imagine, then Vecna putting his big ass hand on his face and that'll make Will float, just like in season 4 with Max and the other kids. But instead of being killed (cause it's Will, like, bro, come on), he can take a piece of wood or I don't know what but something sharp that he finds. You didn't understand? Let me explain: I imagine this, happen at the exact same place it happened to Max, that's why I said a piece of wood. WHO CARES? SO THEN HE TAKES THAT, AND BOOM, in the eye of Vecna, his left eye to be precise. Why? Don't you remember what Eddie said in his DnD campagne? :

"He's not only missing his left arm, but his LEFT EYE!"

So that's why I think Will could destroy his left eye, as a foreshadowing to what Eddie said (I mean why not?). Vecna would then be hurt again, and let Will go, but he could try to stop him, but not the same way as Max, nah that was too iconic, we need something more Byers, more Will... more William Byers... he could try to stop him by making him hear horrible things Mike told him, like in the rain fight of season 3, or the Rink O'Mania one... But he'd manage to finally get out of this, with the help of Mike's words also, cause I clearly see Mike talking to him. Maybe even a parallel, to what Will said while he had to get El out of Vecna's tentacles "You're the heart", but this time it is Jonathan Damn Byers who says it to Mike. Like, that'd be banger, just saying.

So what next? I already said he could try to take Will by his side, now what? Remember, in season 4 we learn the more he kills, the more he's strong. So I think, he'll try to get to kill all the characters we know, before killing whole Hawkins. Let me explain:

We know that everytime Vecna kills, he uses people's past trauma, in which they feel guilt. Who has past traumas with guilt? Yeah, almost everyone. So here's a quick resume and explanation of what could happen to almost all the characters.

-Nancy's targeted -> past trauma: Barbara's death -> saved by Steve or Jonathan. So why Steve or Jonathan? They're her two loves, be for real. However I see more Steve than Jonathan, but Jonathan could also be possible so it's between both.

-Jonathan's targeted -> past trauma: Will's disappearance in S1 -> saved by Steve. So why Steve? To show Jonathan that they're not enemies anymore, and that they could totally be friends. But it could also be Dustin, his bestfriend, or Robin, his girl bestfriend. But I have something else for Robin...

-Dustin's targeted -> past trauma: Eddie's death -> saved by Steve or Mike. Steve cause he's his bestfriend, but also why not Mike, because they both knew Eddie, and Mike could help him going through this because he also went through it.

-Lucas's targeted -> past trauma: Max's coma state/death -> saved by Erica. I say /death because we don't know if she will actually survive in season 5...

-Will's targeted -> past trauma: tons. Vecna wants him to join him -> saved by Mike.

So I have atleast 5 people that could be targets of Vecna, as for others... not sure what could happen to them. There's still: Steve, Joyce, Hopper, Murray (lol), Erica, Robin, Mike and Suzie (why not). I know Steve doesn't have past traumas he's feeling guilty for, but that's for another theory, along with Robin. Joyce, Murray and Hopper are adults, not sure they could be targetted. As for Erica and Suzie.... Erica doesn't feel guilty about anything, and she's younger so I think Vecna, has a small heart, and will let her live, and Suzie... it's Suzie... I mean... yeah, I think she's safe. However there are still characters we didn't talk about: Karen, Ted, Holly and the other family members of Lucas and Dustin. We know that the series really centered on the Byers and Wheeler family, but never on the Henderson's or Sinclair. So... there's a reason behind that. But it is for another theory.

So to resume, what is Vecna's crazy role this season? Well he's going to turn into a serial killer, trying to kill atleast 4 of our characters and make 1 try to join his army. But he's also going to do more, such as... destroying the Wheeler's house. I'm not kidding. After seeing a "spoiler" of ST5, that I know isn't real (it was clearly fake cause other stuff were like nonsense), I was like "yo it could be a great idea actually." So I imagined a really dramatic scene where, after his 5 tries, Vecna gets mad and tries to make fall the house of the Wheelers. Why? Maybe because everyone could reunite there and talk about a plan or something, when weird shit started to happen. Because it's a 2/3 years time jump, so the first episode is probably going to be them chilling in Hawkins and at the end, BOOM, Vecna's back bitch. And there he could have the opportunity to kill some people, but truth is... no one will die. They're all going to be saved, because they're all geniuses. But it could be a huge dramatic scene anyway. Or maybe if someone HAS to die, it'd be logic if it was either Karen, either Ted, or either Holl- nah just kidding. If one of the parents die, it could create a trauma for Mike, but that's for again, an other theory.

So what's next for Vecna? Honestly, if the Dragon we got foreshadowed since season 1 happens... I think Vecna's role won't be really interesting, so I keep my s5 vision without any Dragon. But I do see him trying to kill, so target, a lot of our characters...

That wasn't the best of my theories though. But, more theories soon, some better and cooler, but as for now, tell me what you think about this one, in the comments or as reblogs!

Thanks for reading all that by the way <3

...I probably am going to add more in this post, if I think about it, but I think I said everything I have to say...

[multi-fandom-agereg]

HIII!!! I loved the Venti headcanons, so I am back for more!

Anyways, is it possible I could get babyre Wanderer with Caregiver!Nahida? Nahida suggested agere to him as a way to cope with his trauma !

(also, padded wanderer? I tried to find on your posts if you stated you were uncomfortable with mentions of padding but found nothing, sorry! Just ignore this part if you are uncomfortable with it!)

[Id text: "Regressor Wanderer" end id.]

ⓘ 🩹🩹 Hello again!!^^ thank you for requesting! I'd like to note that I'm not at all uncomfortable with Padding or padded hcs! As someone who needs to wear them medically, I'm more than happy to post about them! (Hc speaking jsjs) I did mention it in the past but I occasionally delete old posts so most likely it was mentioned in a deleted post. But I did add it in my pinned post 🩹🩹

ⓘ In-game spoilers!! So if you haven't gotten far into the game yet and don't want spoilers I will put (ⓘ) next to the hc(s) so you can skip them. Though as someone who didn't go far into the game to meet Wanderer, some of the hcs may be extra to fit the idea of wanderer being an age regressor. Ex; background with Nahida. Will probably mess the background slightly so I can make it hc accurate as possible (though trying not to change whole lot)

Anyways, enjoy! I wanted to do regressor Wanderer for awhile but I forgot. This is my excuse to do it 🙌

Regressor Wanderer (With caregiver! Nahida) 🍼

tw/cw: injury mentioned (bleeding)

🦆 || Wanderer is an age regressor. specifically a baby regressor! He regresses around 0-1ish age range. However he doesn't label his age whenever it's mentioned. (But he still is a baby regressor) He just doesn't like to admit it

🦆 || Wanderer is the type of little to have his baths be fancy. He requires baby lotion, baby shampoo (the one that doesn't hurt his eyes), alot of bubbles, toys and rubber ducks. Also he specifically baths in cold water. It makes him feel more little (plus it works wonders for him when he's roleplaying with his toys in the bath)

🦆 || even at his little age, he doesn't need assistance in the bath. All he needs help with is the shampoo bit and that's all he needs. He can spend hours in the bath if he so wished to. Then after he gets out and requires to help dry with his hooded towel. → But he will be a very fussy baby if he is told to leave the bath before his story with his toys ends. (He HATES cliffhangers in his own story afterall)

🦆 || when he's little he has random zoomies. He mostly does it when his mind is on idle mode. (Technically spaced out in irl terms I think?) So when he's spaced out his body goes on autopilot and he'll run. And run. And run some more. Majority, if not all the time, he's extremely hard to catch

ⓘ 🦆 || after being abandoned by Raiden Ei : that's when Wanderer shut down the world around him. He refused to trust anyone or anything for a very long time. Until however, Nahida met him one night when she noticed Wanderer loitering around. Since then, she took him in

🦆 || it took several months up to a year for Nahida to gain Wanderer's trust. Slowly working with him until he was able to trust again

🦆 || speaking of trust, shortly after Nahida gained Wanderer's trust, Nahida noticed how wanderer suffers from his last trauma and how much he mourns to live his life as a normal human being. Sooo- ↓↓↓

🦆 || Nahida basically introduced him to regression! She explained it and told him it was a healthy coping mechanism for inner child healing. At first, wanderer didn't know how to feel about it. In all honesty he took it negatively. Thinking Nahida was just babying him and refused to talk more about it because he was, "too big for something like that". Until just a week or so later after a PTSD episode with unwanted memories of his past, Wanderer decided to give it a shot. Nahida coaxed him into being little and ever since, she became his caregiver

🦆 || still calls Nahida "Lord Kusanali Nahida" but lately he's been getting used to calling her "sis(sy)" when little. If he's little and does call her by the title he normally calls her, he'd call her "lorb Kawa" since he can't form words too well

🦆 || either nonverbal or verbal. It mostly depends on the day. Most of the time when he's verbal he will babble for hours if you let him. When he's nonverbal he is more, less energetic and prefers low energy activities

ⓘ 🦆 || wears bandaids for the aesthetic of it. Even if he's not really human and is capable of still getting injured and bleeding, he prefers bandaids in places he doesn't need them. So if he did get a scrape, he refused to use a bandaid. So when his knees aren't scraped up, he has bandaids all over them! Because why not?

🦆 || is a padded regressor. Since he regresses so young, he isn't potty trained enough to use the bathroom on his own. Though most of the time he wears padding for comfort reasons. They make him feel a lot more smaller and refuses not to wear them

🦆 || hear me out, possible permaregressor wanderer?? Since he technically doesn't have an age and doesn't age, what if he is a permaregressor because it's an age he feels more comfortable when little?? Orrr he regresses 80% of the time and is more little then big

🦆 || duck obsessed. He loves ducks so so much. He has many rubber duckies, plushies, themed sippy cups, and alot of duck themed everything. He even has a duck shirt, pants and onesie!

🦆 || regresses at a very young age, however isn't much of paci fan. Of course he will use it occasionally- but sippy cups? That's where it's at. Not limited to- small rubber spoons and baby foods. His favorite little snack is Yogurt melts

🦆 || in a modern timeline, he is definitely an iPad kid. His favorite show to watch is more early 2000's shows like sesame street, invader Zim and maybe SpongeBob too

🦆 || Back to Nahida, she is an amazing caretaker for Wanderer! She is so sweet, patient, loving and very gentle with him. Which honestly is what he needed after suffering for so long into his life. Another pos to Nahida, she's literally cuddle size. She is the perfect teddy bear for wanderer. And yep, he does pick her up and take her everywhere his legs can take him. People would probably mistaken him as her dad/older brother and the child. When it's the complete opposite

🦆 || has his very own crib. He doesn't go a night without sleeping in it + without having some sort of white noise on. He will refuse to sleep if the fan isn't on and his tv isn't on when he's asleep

[antoncore]

Had like the worst week rver lol, staying up all night almost everyday doing uni assignments, exams,😭😭😭💀 but it's finally friday and i just can't stop thinking Abt being comforted by seunghan 😔

Like just having the longest freaking week ever and coming home on a Friday evening to cuddle seunghan on the couch and watch a movie + dinner. And its just pure comfort (so far), how he calmly calls you over, asking u if u had a bad day, telling u he'll make it all better. The both of u watching some random movie, eating dinner.... Then soon after dinner, just cuddling up sharing each others body heat, when u start slowly kissing.... Just being hannies lil' pillow princess, not having to do anything but just lay there in his hoodie... He'll do all the work!! Finger you so slowly and calmly, fighting his urge to not tease you, but even he knows how much of a hard week you've had. And then when he's all done, you're so fucking tired, droopy eyes, just grabbing him to hover on top of u and kiss u forever.... I need my own seunghan :((

Alsoo this is like really off topic, but i remember we once talked abt poly 01z, w reader, and like i just CANNOT for the life of me forget abt it 😭

Like just being their lil princess, ceos eunsok and sungchan, and you their younger gf.... Just being a teeny tiny bit dumb... A little bit of a bimbo when it comes to them... A spoilt little brat if you say so... Always getting the most expensive jewelry, nails done every 2 weeks, shopping trips w the both of them, which ofc always end up with you getting fucking in the changing rooms, overseas trips... Just living the life yk... But also being such a fucking bimbo when it comes them, idk if this is just my daddy issues speaking but like older ceo! Eunseok + sungchan taking care of you, being the best bf's ever!!! Like the dominance is there 24/7, not just in the bedroom, carrying you around if ur feet hurt from the heels, if u want smth you'll probably get it in the next 48hrs, comforting you whenever ur sad! Lol i have like TOO MUCH AND SO MANY INTERESTING SCENARIOS ABT THIS RELATIONSHIP... But instead of blowing up ur inbox with this, lemme just end it here 😭🫂

- 🍫

sorry for the late response + i’m so sorry it’s been a shit week, i understand how stressful uni/assignments can get :( but i hope that you’ve been able to relax over the past couple of days!!!

seunghan would be the type to get on his knees in the middle of the movie and pull your panties to the side to eat you out, telling you to relax. he’d be using his fingers slowly as he sucks on your clit gently. you’d be so tired that after just one orgasm, having just about enough energy to pull him back up to you. you wouldn’t even need to say a word, he’d be kissing you all over while fixing you up, telling you how amazing you did for him <3

poly 01z!!! my heart <333 sungchan and eunseok would take such good care of you, doing all the things you said. they’d fuck you as you tried on lingerie in the changing room, judging how much they liked it as they looked at you in the mirror taking their cocks so perfectly. they’d take you to the fanciest of hotels around the world too, breathtaking views with your face pressed against the glass with your arms behind your back as you’re fucked absolutely dumb. they’d do literally anything you asked and i love that hehe

[asterekmess]

The more I write, the more I understand why Google (in this case, specifically google drive) has such a chokehold on the world.

There is just no other platform that covers all the bases when it comes to the different services and abilities I want to have available for my work.

Google Drive offers a cloud storage i can access on pretty much any device that can download the app or access a browser, and if I'm willing to stoop to using chrome (im not), I can even access/edit my files offline. I can share my files with anyone else that also has access to the app or a browser easily and directly, and give them varying amounts of access to the work. I can have conversations with them INSIDE the document, either in the chat window or through leaving comments on the work itself, all in real time, and easily respond to suggestions from others without having two versions of the project open and skimming for the differences.

There's even an ao3 script I can use for google docs that adds in the html coding I need to make my formatting work properly on the archive.

In an attempt to move away from google drive, I tried a few other options, and none gave me the freedom/services that I need/want from a writing platform. There are file-sharing websites that would let me send a document to someone else, but no way to transfer back comments unless they reformatted the file, edited it, then sent it back for me to reformat. Plus those websites almost always require the other person to also have an account with them. There are offline options, like Scrivener, which is what I use currently for a few different fics, and while it has lots of options, there are almost none that relate to intercommunicative work with editors or Betas or anyone else. Because everything is saved to my computer rather than a cloud, I can work offline, but I'm limited to only being able to access my work from a single device, unless I save everything to an external harddrive and plug it in whenever I want to work. I can't access it on my phone, or share it with others, or leave comments within the work for referencing later. Because it uses its own formatting, I can't even copy/paste writing into it or out of it. In order to put anything in ao3 from scrivener, I have to download the file in a specific format, then re-upload it to google drive and run it through the script i have, THEN copy/paste it into ao3. In order to get any perspective from an editor/beta, I still have to download it and upload to drive, then share the file with the person I want. Then, either I make the changes in the drive document, then Re-download and Re-upload it to scrivener and have to completely recreate the chapters/files that I had working for me, or just have both versions open and only make changes in the scrivener version and just keep downloading/uploading it over and over again to drive. I believe the mac version of scrivener is supposed to let you send documents more easily to other people who ALSO own scrivener, but it's not the kind of back and forth sharing that I would want. It's just a faster file-share than downloading and e-mailing it to someone.

No matter where I look, i cannot find any other platforms that offer the ability to save your work to a cloud (without it ONLY being hosted on the cloud, like Drive. I just want to be able to save a copy of it so that my work is in two places) then share it with others easily, and allow them to make edits/suggestions/comments within the document, while still letting you retain the ability to work on your documents offline when you so choose. Why then, do I not want to use google drive, if it offers everything I'm looking for? Because google fucking sucks. If my documents get to more than like 60 pages long, the entire page starts lagging, as if I'm asking the page to load a massive picture instead of basic text. There is no fix except to make an entirely new document and repaste the words. Drive also kicks me offline at random, despite my internet working literally everywhere else on my computer, and while my work is offline, I can't make any changes, so I have to deal with random pauses in my writing where i'm just waiting for it to reconnect. I can't use the offline edits feature without using a chrome browser. Plus, it breaks constantly, buttons on the screen going missing and documents corrupting in strange ways. In short, it's google. I don't want to use it. But for some reason NO ONE else has made a platform that actually works like google drive, but isn't shit. I don't know whether what google drive offers is actually that difficult to recreate without the concessions that google forces people to put up with, or if no one making websites/platforms understands that this is what people need/want.

The hoops writers have to go through in order to do any collaborative work (and in fandom, that's SO Much more common) outside of google drive is infuriating, and made more so Because google drive exists. I wouldn't be so annoyed that I'm not getting All the options that I want from one platform, if it weren't for the fact that drive is sitting RIGHT THERE proving that it's totally possible for it to exist. it's just that no one's made it, or if they have, it's locked behind a massive paywall.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Plsss more headcanons of Leon with a baby/toddler daughter :3

okay :3

leon would be terrified of having kids, bonus if they have twins cause that's a lot of changes from no babies to suddenly TWO BABIES. DOUBLE TERRIFIED

but if we have just the one, he just wants to protect her from the world

he has moments when he realizes that he might not be able to, that the world is cruel at times

all babies eyes are like blueish when they're born, but i can kinda see that if that happens, ada hopes that the baby's eye colour stays and looks like leon's eyes

i love tropey- genes don't matter in fics lol and sure a half asian baby can be blonde who gives a shit lmao

leon being very careful with combing her hair, making sure she likes it, she starts to like it longer "like daddy's hair," and likes little butterfly clips and likes to have daddy pick out the colours hehe

i already wrote this several times but the idea of leon and ada with twins, and one is already asleep on his chest, and the other playing with his hair, and ada's trying to pluck off the one playing and braiding with leon's hair and is like "daddy's very tired, how about we get you to bed, your sister is already asleep," and ada tries to get one of them ready for bed.

while leon's half asleep and he feels the weight of one of his babies being lifted so he immediately wakes up and is like "WHERE ARE MY CHILDRENS," and then realizes ada has one and goes back to sleep

leon would teach them how to ride a bike etc, and encourage them to oh this is too old. baby toddler...

i think that they would also try to have their kid grow up bilingual or multiple languages if possible, he would try to speak mandarin to their baby but it's just not great sounding 💀

he loves whenever he's holding onto his baby, almost won't let go unless he gives her to ada to hold.

100% the dad who has their kid on his back or just constantly running around to make sure she's not off doing something dangerous T_T

leon always having a random hair clip in his hair because either the kids clip them in, and he forgets they're there. and it's more convenient cause his hair is out of the way and he doesn't notice

omg leon with a butterfly headband with his bangs pushed back sdjkfbskjfs

leon at the grocery store, with the babies IM SCREAMIN