#i like a lot of what the musical is doing as far as framing heroism vs monstrosity

[margridarnauds]

So, I'm listening to "The Ninth Hour", which is a "rock-noir reimagining of the epic poem Beowulf that explores the intricacies of humankind's relationship with power and violence" that has a female Beowulf. And overall? I don't NOT like it, but it feels like it missed a trick by not having an Unferth-equivalent, since Unferth's taunts and attempts at diminishing Beowulf's feats would hit so differently with a female Beowulf -- probably *why* they removed him, because they might not have wanted to attack that angle, but it feels like...if we're using a female Beowulf....it's something that we kind of have to address as far as the way that the OG poem is framing heroism and masculinity.

[imagine-your-party-hosts]

Salty Tea

Word Count: 2,146

Notes: This was my old piece for the @domesticbnhazine! I previously just had it in a google doc and wanted it to have a proper place on my blog.

Summary: It had been two years since the beloved and infamous class had graduated and began their long-awaited journey of pro-heroism when a wedding invite arrived in the mail, a small cat stamp in the corner. He was shocked - he had assumed it had been a messing up of addresses, though sure enough it was to his apartment, and when he opened the envelope and saw the names ‘Izuku Midoriya’ and ‘Ochaco Uraraka’ in their glittering gold he swayed on his feet and had to catch himself on the counter.

There was a lot to be said about Hero Class 1-A.

A majority of it could not be brought up, however, without the mention of Aizawa Shouta. After all, how could this group of students manage to tame the beast that had previously expelled all his students? What demon had they sold their soul too exactly to survive all their years at U.A.

Maybe the question should be asked of who exactly Aizawa had offered his soul to.

It was quite obvious - he’d laid it bare to the students of 1-A time and time again. He had sacrificed himself plenty of times for the good of his students and - as much as it pained him to admit it - he’d do it all over again if need be.

“You’re pretty soft on these kids!” Yamada had attempted to whisper in his ear sometime not long after these students had come to him - however, whispering had never been Yamada’s strong suit, and several heads suddenly popped up from the ten-paged essay they were supposed to be writing.

“I am not. Eleven pages,” Aizawa had said in response, knocking Yamada away from his desk and telling him to go bother Nemuri instead, and the heads suddenly sank back down to their papers.

“You’ve been pretty soft on these kids,” Yamada had said once in the teacher’s lounge. It was relaxed around the school - final exams had just ended, and graduation was nearing faster than Aizawa or his classroom had been prepared for.

“I have not,” Aizawa responded, stirring honey into the peppermint tea he was brewing that his class had bought him, the spoon knocking against the cat mug that his class had also gifted him. The kittens that stared up to him were all hand-painted little creatures, different for each of his student: a long-haired green Scottish fold, its tail too fluffy for its own good, constantly getting tripped on, curled around its little paws; a hissing abyssinian with bright red eyes that watched his every move of the spoon; a siamese with a scar trailing across his left eye, his ear a little mangled though a bright blue bow tied around his neck all the same. Aizawa’s vision blurred suddenly and briefly and he had to glance away so his tea wouldn’t be salty.

It had been two years since the beloved and infamous class had graduated and began their long-awaited journey of pro-heroism when a wedding invite arrived in the mail, a small cat stamp in the corner. He was shocked - he had assumed it had been a messing up of addresses, though sure enough it was to his apartment, and when he opened the envelope and saw the names ‘Izuku Midoriya’ and ‘Ochaco Uraraka’ in their glittering gold he swayed on his feet and had to catch himself on the counter.

They’re just kids, Aizawa thought to himself, ripping the invitation further from its hold, and he started with a revelation.

They’re adults.

A meow sounded from Aizawa’s ankles, and he hesitated, glancing down to the wide-eyed burmese that was watching him, making sure he wasn’t going to topple over. Aizawa could remember the day he got this cat - remember the day Kirishima had seen it outside in the rain from the school window and had promptly bounded from his seat regardless of Aizawa trying to stop him. “It’s raining, she can’t stay outside!” Kirishima had said when he’d came back in, his uniform sopping wet and dripping a puddle on the classroom floor. Aizawa’s lecture was immediately forgotten, as all the students suddenly hopped up to go look at the kitten curled up in Kirishima’s arms.

“She looks dopey,” Bakugou said, rolling his eyes, stepping away from it, though the cat’s wide yellow eyes just followed his figure. She meowed, loud enough for the students to all let out a simultaneous squeal.

“We can’t leave her out in the cold!” Kirishima repeated, and that was how Aizawa had ended up with a wide-eyed cat in his bag on the way home that chewed on his pens.

Aizawa would give Bakugou that she did look dopey.

He glanced back to the invitation in his hands, which was heavy and cold and held a thousand of his thoughts, ranging from the first time he saw little Midoriya and little Uraraka, terrified in his class, to the day of their graduation, much taller and much wiser than Aizawa had ever expected their little babbling forms to be. There was a brief moment that he faltered in the gold hue of the letters on the paper, before he suddenly sighed much louder than needed and went to get a pen to put in his RSVP.

These kids would be the death of him, and he knew that, and he did not mind one bit.

And so, six months later, Aizawa found himself sat in the pews beside Yamada, in a pressed suit that he’d let Yamada pick the tie for. They were matching, both such a bright and obnoxious yellow that Aizawa was blinded every time he glanced down to straighten it, but he supposed it wasn’t the worst thing Yamada could have picked out. It could be decorated with brightly colored birds, or it could make noise, so Aizawa would just consider the canary colored tie a blessing for now.

Midoriya was already standing at the front, though Aizawa had thought that for once he shouldn’t have been so early. He was completely red, freckles hidden in the crimson, his scarred hands shaking just barely. Aizawa could see the Scottish fold, its too-long and too-fluffy tail getting caught in his paws and making him tumble down, when suddenly music started playing from and Yamada nudged Aizawa’s shoulder to glance behind him.

It started with Mina and Bakugou, and he was surprised that their arms were linked together without a large argument, regardless of Mina’s bright, teasing grin and nudging of Bakugou’s tensed shoulder. The hissing and snapping Abyssinian was for once silent, its red eyes only staring straight ahead, while the Sphynx beside him was only flicking her tail back and forth playfully.

Then there was Tsuyu and Kirishima, Kirishima grinning brightly and marching down the aisle, Tsuyu being dragged behind him. Neither had wanted to be painted as a cat on Aizawa’s mug - Tsuyu had wanted to be a frog, naturally, and while she’d settled on being a hopping Munchkin kitten Kirishima was not content until he was proud German Shepherd, chasing after Sero’s much too long tail. Next was Jiro and Kaminari, Kaminari a rigid Bengal that the Manx beside him had to roll her eyes at and calm down. Iida walked down the aisle with Hagakure as his side; Iida was a Siberian that sat tall and regal, and Hagakure had said she wanted to be a Persian with their smushed-in faces that she adored, only seen for the bright pink collar it wore with its jingling bell.

Lastly came Todoroki and Momo, both smiling comfortably, seemingly at something shared a moment before the doors open - perhaps about Bakugou’s for once uncomfortable stance. Aizawa thought of the Siamese, with its torn ear and bright blue bow that was too big for its little frame, and when he saw Momo with her long hair down he had a remembrance of the Russian blue on his mug, pristine and beautiful with its perfectly groomed coat. He almost forgot what he was truly here for, wondering if he’d just came to check up on his students, who, yes, thank you, thank you, were alive and well, when Yamada shoved him once more and his breath caught in his throat.

Uraraka suddenly stepped out into the aisle, her father by her side. Aizawa had not thought he’d ever seen her in a long dress, and he’d never truly expected it, though here she was, in a long white wedding gown that flared out at her hips. She was grinning, tears already in her eyes, and Aizawa could not remember when exactly he’d felt tears pricking at the back of his own eyes. Uraraka still had her red, round cheeks, and Aizawa was suddenly overcome with the idea that he didn’t want Yamada to see him cry here when he saw that Yamada was already bawling. Uraraka was a small little ragdoll on his mug, fur a little pink at its cheeks, sitting beside the Scottish fold and trying to help it walk a little further without tripping on its tail, and when Aizawa turned some in his seat he saw the little Scottish fold crying as well.

Aizawa did not bother to stop the tear that fell down his cheek for once.

Yamada suddenly clapped Aizawa much too forcefully on his shoulder, jostling several more tears down his cheeks that he did reach up to hurriedly brush away. “It’s amazing that they’ve come this far, y’know?” he said in-between choked sobs.

Aizawa paused for a moment, before he slowly nodded his head, turning to watch Uraraka once more as her father led her down the aisle.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, underneath his breath, “Amazing.”

Throughout the whole ceremony the two teachers continued their tears; Yamada, loud and choking, Aizawa silent and almost serene. Aizawa however had managed to calm his crying by the time of the reception, while Yamada was still a sniffling mess beside him.

“Stop crying. It’s going to make your soup salty,” Aizawa told him once they’d sat down at a table with several of the other teachers, Nemuri teasingly nudging his elbow.

“Maybe I like it that way,” Yamada responded wetly, nudging Nemuri back.

At one point throughout the ceremony Kirishima made his way over to the reminiscing teachers’ table, pulling up a chair beside Aizawa.

“How’s that kitten?” he asked, still with the bright, sharp-toothed grin that he’d had since the first day he’d stepped foot in class 1-A.

Bakugou was not far behind. “Still look as dopey?” he asked, still with the sharp and smart gleam to his eyes.

Had they really aged, or was this just another day in the classroom, just another day of pretend?

Uraraka came up behind Yamada in her beautiful long dress, glittery and sparkling and Aizawa knew this was in no way and every way the same class that had left his care all those years ago.

“Yeah, still dopey,” Aizawa responded, and Uraraka laughed, Yamada giving a start when he realized she was behind him, suddenly starting his sobbing full force again.

“Aizawa-sensei!” Midoriya began as he came up beside his wife, reaching to place a hand to her side as he neared. It was such a strange sight, Aizawa thought, that he wasn’t stammering, that his hands weren’t shaking.

“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” Aizawa started to say, waving that off, however Kirishima pounced, clapping a hand down on his shoulder.

“Really, Shoto-san-“

“Never mind,” Aizawa said in response, while Yamada laughed loudly beside him.

“Speaking of that. I guess your last name is Midoriya, hmm, Ochaco-chan?” he asked, still shamelessly with the tears trailing down his cheeks, turning in his chair to the newlyweds behind him.

“You’re right! It’ll be something to get used to,” she said, grinning as she glanced over to her husband, and Yamada dabbed at his eyes, sighing over-dramatically about young love.

“Aizawa-sensei!” came another voice, Hagakure bounding up to join the table. “We all need a picture together!”

“Is that necessary-“ Aizawa began to say, though there was a sudden uproar cheer for a photo, Yamada the loudest of them all.

“Okay, okay!” Aizawa agreed, effectively settling them all down as Kirishima gathered the rest of the wedding party, his students grinning so brightly at him that Aizawa was almost blinded.

“Come on!” he was tugged from his chair by Kaminari and Kirishima, while Nemuri giggled and Yamada offered to take the photo. Ochaco grinned as he joined them, wrapping an arm around him and Midoriya while on the other side of him Kirishima hooked an arm around his shoulders.

“Everyone! You too, Bakugou!” Kirishima hooted, and, though he rolled his eyes, he still joined in, until everyone had their arms wrapped around someone.

“Smile!” Yamada said, and, apparently not satisfied, he repeated it louder. “SMILE!”

Aizawa was suddenly overcome with a feeling he could not place, surrounded by his old students at an event he’d never fathomed taking place, in a bright yellow tie that did not fit him. He could not believe he’d watched these children grow from students to heroes, from best friends to husband and wife, from children to adults. He felt the same uncomfortable pricking behind his eyes that had been following him all day, and he could not stop the tears that unexpectedly came down his cheeks.

Yamada only grinned a bright grin himself and snapped the photo.

[ununniliad]

Burst Beetle Tweseveny #4: "2007: The Limits of Infinity and the Time on One's Hands!"

With a PWEEYOOM! a pair of burning tire tracks blasts across the asphalt, and in a stream of flashing colors, Burst Beetle Tweseveny appears!

"Aha! Back to action, and... um..." Tweseveny is alone in a back alley, her only companions a garbage can, a recycling bin, a soiled, broken bottle of Mister Paprika Code Indigo that was clearly supposed to have gone in the recycling bin, and a poster for a slam poetry event. "Hm."

She looks around carefully, and pushes the little red gem below the clock face on her belt, armor disappearing in a burst of amber light. "Well, I suppose one should explore before jumping into a situation."

Burst Beetle Tweseveny takes two confident steps out of the alleyway! And a newspaper flies thru the air and smacks her in the face! "Ackpth!"

She flails around blindly, trips on a banana peel (left there by fellow time-traveler Comedic Banana Peel Man, visiting from the 1940s), and falls backwards into a pile of trash bags.

She peels the newspaper carefully off her face. "Oh... ow." She stares up at the sky for a while. "...ow."

...she stares up at the sky for another while. "...didn't think this sort of thing happened to net.heroes."

Burst Beetle Tweseveny heaves a big sigh, gives a crooked little smile, and stands up. "But I'm still here, and still free." The fingers of her left hand stroke softly over her belt buckle and the phone inside. With her right, she holds up the newspaper and squints at it. "April... 272nd? Wh-- Oh! Of course, this is 2007! It's the Infinite April!"

<<<*>>>

Every day, the Legion has a new leader! Every night, at the stroke of midnight-- they disappear!! Over the days and weeks of an unending April, the Legion struggles to uncover the mysterious force causing them to disappear one by one! Will the dwindling forces of net.heroism be able to overcome this Infinite Leadership Crisis--

                        --before the last Legionnaire vanishes?!  

<<<*>>>

She hops to her feet, tossing the newspaper aside and running her hands thru her hair. "Well, well! It makes sense that if I traveled to 2007, I'd hit April - it was over a year long! What an event!" She looks around, limbs filling with enthusiasm. "So! First off, I'm going to need a shower. But where will I find  some good samaritans who will be open to helping out some random person?"

She turns, looking across the street, and her gaze falls on a building that takes up a whole city block, a building shaped like a cross between a grand hotel and an upside-down computer monitor, a building radiant with the spirit of heroism - the headquarters of the Legion of Net.Heroes, literally right there in front of her!

"Ah!" She grins, striding confidently forward through the revolving door! Within, an expansive, sunny foyer, studded with friendly succulents and the Spectacular Spider-Plant, and featuring a large, round desk in the middle, with an "INFORMATION" sign hanging above it!

And there, sitting behind said desk - a friendly-faced young Hispanic man! His hair, a faded pink with dark roots and a shaggy, uneven cut! His T-shirt, white, with doodles all over it in various colors of marker, continuing onto his skin as temporary tattoos in pen and ink! Two of the nails on his left hand are painted neon green, and three on the right are ebon black, all ten with gold sparklies on top! On his shirt, a handmade button that says "LEADER" in purple sharpie!

He looks down at his phone, brow furrowed in concentration! "C'mon, c'mon, daddy needs a Fanficuno..."

"Ah, excuse me?" says Tweseveny, stepping forward.

"Bvwmeep!" The young man slams! the phone on the desk, sitting up straight. "Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Time-Waster Lad, interim leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes, how can I assist with your emergency?"

"Er..." Tweseveny blinks in momentary startlement, and then a return to solid purpose! "I was wondering if I could take a shower here!"

"Oh!" Time-Waster Lad sags in relief. "Sure, definitely. We have some community showers in the Non-Peril Gym that Weight-Lifting Lady had built when she was leader. C'mon, I'll show you down!"

Time-Waster Lad guides Tweseveny through a door at the back of the foyer, leading to a long hallway. So long, indeed, that Tweseveny can barely see the other end - it seems a football field away, far far too far for the building she'd seen on the outside, and she thrills! The transcendent, ever-changing architecture of LNHQ! She gets to experience it, in person, as a person!

Today, the carpets are lush and thick, in bright colors speckled with triangular patterns, like a bowling alley. The walls are a cheerful sky blue, but in the distance, seem to shift towards a soft pink. Dozens of doors line the hallway, labeled as leading into various rooms; "Monitor Room", "Plot Device Room", "Peril Room", and many others. Dozens of other hallways intersect with it, often at strange and improbable angles. It is lit with warm LEDs, and occasionally, a geographically improbable window to let in the sunlight.

"There certainly don't seem to be many LNHers around today," says Tweseveny,  admiring a framed portrait of Tsar Chasm in a Napoleonic pose.

"Ah, well, they're all out on missions," says Time-Waster Lad, twirling a lock of hair. "It's been a while, but remember that press release we put out back when April didn't end?"

"Oh," says Tweseveny, a slight blush of social mistakery coloring her cheeks, "actually, I'm a time traveler - I just landed today. But I'd heard about the Infinite April before."

"Oh, okay, neat," says Time-Waster Lad, as used as any veteran net.hero to temporal shenanigans. "Well, we've been having a lot of trouble keeping up on missions as our team keeps disappearing. We've got those robot duplicates Dr. Stomper made before he disappeared, but they're..." He bites his lip, clearly trying to come up with a diplomatic description! "They're not exactly 100% on the acting right. So we keep them for the small stuff. But most of the team is out doing one net.hero thing or another."

"Gotcha gotcha. It makes sense that the leader would hold down the fort!"

"...haha, yeah, it sure does..." Time-Waster Lad gives a little cough and walks thru an open doorway, into a locker room tiled in warm, bright colors, with birdsong piped in in the background.

"Super swanky!" comments Tweseveny, picking out a particularly bright shower with a rainbow mosaic, stepping in and closing the door behind her.

"Yeah, Sing-Along Lass said that even exercise can be cheerful and nice." Time-Waster Lad takes Tweseveny's clothes as she passes them over, and puts them into the super-speed washer-dryer Domestic Lad had installed when he was leader. "No use putting dirty clothes on a clean body, that's what he told us."

"Excellent advice! You certainly seem to be a good listener!" The warm water cascades over Tweseveny's tired muscles, and she feels her body relaxing, invigorating, mmm!

Time-Waster Lad smiles, leaning against the wall. "Thank you! But it seems like I only listen to the stuff that isn't important. If someone's giving me an order, it slips right out..." He stares off into space, humming musically for a couple minutes. "...oh!" He starts, straightening up. "Sorry, I started just... talkin' about myself!" He rubs the back of his head ruefully.

"Hah! That's all right," says Tweseveny, soaping herself off - gosh, you get sweaty fighting net.villains! "People say I'm a good listener too, and I gotta tell you, I don't mind lending a helpful ear."

"Aw, you're super sweet!" He runs his hands thru his hair, relaxing. "Still, I didn't ask - what's going on with you?"

She works shampoo into her hair, her scalp luxuriating in the stimulation. "I've been bopping around thru time a bit, and just kind of landed in this month."

"Oh man!" Time-Waster Lad shakes his head. "That's not surprising, it's so friggin' long! Like, I was supposed to go for my ADHD screening at the beginning of May, but..."

Tweseveny smiles, filling her voice with encouragement! "Well, I'm from the future, so I know it'll end eventually!"

"Sure," says Time-Waster Lad, with the tones of someone who is trying to be positive but has heard this all before. "But is it our future? Contraption Man said this never happened in his timeline, and Kid Kirby poked at a bunch of alternate timelines before he vanished and couldn't see an end to this."

Tweseveny hums in thought. She's actually read this story, so she knows how it will turn out, but-- actually, come to think, could this be some kind of Elsewhirl, an alternate-universe story? She hasn't considered the metafictional implications of her visit - and there's the lingering suspicion that, sometime soon, she will wake from this sweet dream of being powerful and fighting for good...

She shakes herself out. Dream or not, she's in the story now! "That's fair. So, as today's leader, how are you dealing with it?"

"Heh, well, everybody who can do work right now on the disappearing leaders problem already is, it seems like? So I'm just manning the des... ohhhhh biscuits I forgot I was running the desk! Frick frick frick..." Despite the cuteness of his euphemistic swearing, Time-Waster Lad is clearly freaking out!

"Oop!" Tweseveny turns off the water and does a quick pass with the towel! "Time-Waster Lad, before you continue freaking out, could you please pass me my clothes?"

"Frick frick frick sure..." Time-Waster Lad pulls open the dryer and tosses the clothes underhand to Tweseveny, then starts pulling on his hair. "Daaaaah..."

"Thank you!" Tweseveny gets dressed in a right hurry. She needs to get something more suited to a net.hero than beige skirts and sensible blouses, but there's no time for that now! Boldly, she steps out of the shower, takes Time-Waster Lad by the shoulders, and shakes him a bit! "Snap out of it, man!" Gosh, she's always wanted to say that!

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, I just, I just, I just--"

"Snap out of it more than that, please!" Tweseveny grabs a bucket, sets the shower to Breathtakingly Cold, fills the bucket, rears back, and--

"Okay no I think I snapped out of it now!!" Time-Waster Lad throws his hands up in front of his face.

"Oh, good." Tweseveny puts down the bucket and sweeps Time-Waster Lad into a hug! "It's okay! We shall go back to the desk together and Hang Out and Talk and Relax."

"mmberf" After Tweseveny lets go, Time-Waster Lad draws a deep breath into his body, spreads his hands, and lets the cloud of panic disperse. "Okay. Cool." He shakes out his head. "Thanks."

She takes his hand, and together, the two of them walk back down the corridors of the LNHQ. Tweseveny stays quiet, giving Time-Waster Lad time and space to breathe, to consider, in the sunlight of the nice day, in the warm breezes of the architecturally improbable windows.

As they pass the Plot Device Room, without preamble, Time-Waster Lad speaks. "I miss Miss Translation."

"Miss Translation..." Tweseveny pokes at her memories, of reading the older LNH series, scrolling through her news feed in delighted glee... "She was the alien who had a hard time speaking English, right?"

"Right. Once you learned her dialect, though, she was really easy to talk to. Together, we headed up a whole subgroup, one of the smaller teams within the LNH. She was the one who leapt forward and made things happen, and I was the one who took his time and made the plans and make sure things would work out." A great sigh heaves its way out of Time-Waster Lad's lungs. "And then... we lost a teammate. And the whole team got kicked out. Except for me." He runs his hands through his mop of pink hair. "Because, I guess, the Ultimate Ninja... didn't think I was one of them."

"Ohhh..." Tweseveny feels the weight in Time-Waster Lad's belly. The casual dismissal of the leadership he had been proud of... "I'm sorry."

"Yeah." The corridor ends, and the two of them are back in the foyer. "And then, just to kick everything in the pants?" Time-Waster Lad vaults the back of the reception desk and turns to face her. "They all got lost in space."

"Gosh," says Tweseveny, and means it, leaning her elbows on the desk, putting her face in her hands, and looking up at him. "That's painful."

"Right?" he says, and sighs, flopping into the rolly chair. "Starts-Arguments-For-No-Reason Kid and Sleeps-With-Anything-Alive Girl are back now. Not sure what the story is there... I think they might not remember it, but they definitely don't want to talk about it. When Limp-Asparagus Lad was leader, he sent out invitations for them to come back, along with a lot of other inactive former LNHers, and they did." Time-Waster Lad leans his head back and kicks his feet up, pressing them into the edge of the desktop. "But Ultimate Ninja might just kick them out again when he comes back. If he comes back." He blows a breath out loose lips. "And that was my last experience being a leader, sort of."

"Time-Waster Lad..." Tweseveny reaches for him... but her hand curls in a fist. She doesn't know what to say...

A throat is cleared on the other side of the room. "I'm sorry..."

Tweseveny and Time-Waster lad look up, roused from the depressing discussion! There, having just come in the door - two figures!

One, a tall woman in her early twenties, in a glittering silver dress, pale silver hair with a deep purple streak, an amethyst nose piercing, and high heels. She holds up an hourglass full of silvery sand and grins in manic confidence!

The other, a figure in a hooded robe, his face cast in constant shadow no matter how he moves! His body is hidden by the rich brown fabric, its texture sumptuous and expensive, yet continually exuding a noxious smell; starting off subtle, yet getting stronger by the moment!

"...but is this a bad... time?" the woman finishes, a maniacal glint in her eye!

"You're..." says Time-Waster Lad, eyes widening in recognition...

"That's right," says the hooded figure, working enthusiasm into his voice. "The devilish duo of trans-temporal terror!"

The woman raises her hourglass! "Mother Time and the Time Crapper!"

<<<*>>>

Author's Notes: Finally, Tweseveny returns!

There's a lot of reasons it took me almost two years to come back to this. A two-part storyline ended up ballooning to six parts, as I found more things I wanted to do with it, in terms of emotions, continuity, and cool shit. The continuity required a lot of research, and the emotions required a lot of heavy lifting. But it's done now, and I'm proud of it - I hope you will be too!

In re: Contraption Man: In the first Infinite Leadership Crisis issue, Contraption Man shows up yelling "No future!" and then goes into a coma, but he shows up perfectly okay later. I thought about commenting on that situation, but frankly, I'm going to be doing a lot of continuity-stitching in this storyline, so I'll save that for some other ILC insert.

"berf" as a sound effect of something mildly discomfiting happening is stolen from Questionable Content.

Time-Waster Lad created by Raythrax, Not Reserved.

The Time Crapper created by Jef Kolodziej, Free For Use.

Mother Time created by... shoot, it's not on the wiki. It's Arthur, right? In LNHCP #43? And I'm pretty sure she's Not Reserved and/or Free For Use??

[itsclydebitches]

On that ask about show/tell, if I may, it reminds me in some ways of how Rose Quartz was treated by SU. She was always said by everyone to be perfect, yet everything associated with her in season 1 is dangerous, and what everyone says about Rose doesn’t match up with what the audience is shown. It seemed deliberate, to later sweep a rug out from under people's feet. Do you think it's possible that RWBY is setting up a similar rug with this idea of 'heroism=always right' and 'kids v adults'?

(You definitely may :D)

I’ll admit straight out that I don’t have the knowledge that a lot of other SU fans do. I’ve always watched the show purely for entertainment, mostly turning my brain off and just going along for the ride, allowing others to do the analysis, theorizing, etc. That being said, to my mind the discrepancy between show and tell in that case did seem deliberate, but the show actually acknowledged that conflict in a way RWBY has yet to. In SU we’re suppose to pick up on the disconnect and grapple with it, both to fuel interest—who is Rose Quartz really?—and, ultimately, learn more about the main characters. To provide a concrete example, we have Pearl’s obvious love and devotion, at odds with, as you say, the rather dangerous and at times even cruel choices Rose has made. We hear Pearl say “You’re wonderful” and watch her cry over Rose choosing to abandon them to give birth to Steven (among other potential flaws in her character). There’s a definite disconnect, but for me I never thought—like with RWBY—“Why is the show trying to convince me that Rose is 100% good when she’s clearly not?” The message seemed to me, “The show isn’t telling me to think anything, it’s providing me with information that I can now interpret for myself. Pearl believes Rose is 100% good, but we have seen otherwise. This tells us that Pearl’s perception is skewed. Her love has blinded her, just as their devotion and trauma have blinded the other gems. The stories they feed Steven are sanitized out of love (don’t speak ill of the dead), fear (did we lead that rebellion for nothing?), his age (he’s just a kid who lost his mom), and lack of knowledge (they don’t know a lot of what we’re shown). It makes perfect sense then that what they say doesn’t match up with our more objective knowledge. I wonder when the characters will learn/acknowledge what we the audience have known for a while: that Rose is a far more complex person than they’ve painted her as?” Which is precisely what the show does. We get to watch everyone grapple with these revelations and those arcs validate the audience’s reading of the text. We knew Rose wasn’t 100% good like everyone said she was and now we get to watch the rest of the cast catch up as they realize that. We knew that revelation was coming and anticipated it.  

This acknowledgement of the discrepancy is particularly evident through Steven. He’s the one always asking questions about his mom, expressing anger, doubt, becoming frustrated with these platitudes he’s given that don’t add up to the facts—he picks at that conflict between Rose the story and Rose the person like a scab and, because he’s our protagonist, we do too. We’re encouraged to grapple with it, question it, decide for ourselves where we fall before Rose’s true nature is finally revealed. RWBY Volume 6 had none of that. It would have been a very different story if Ruby had pushed back against the rest of the team. Or the team had pushed back against her. If our newcomer (Maria) had pushed in from the outside. If the story’s structure had provided hints (i.e. music that conveys the message that Ruby is making a mistake in attacking Cordovin as opposed to the triumphant music we got, things like that). In short, if the volume had done anything to say, “We’re providing you with multiple perspectives here that you’re meant to debate. Do you think Qrow was justified in hitting Oscar? Do you think they made the right decision in stealing the airship? We’re acknowledging that there’s no black and white thinking here.” 

Instead, the show insists it is black and white. That there’s one answer and the answer is The Protagonist Is Always Right. Every aspect of the show said loud and clear, “We agree with this! This is good! Hop on this bandwagon because absolutely no one is going to challenge it!” The closest we get to the story questioning any of the characters’ horrible actions is when the group reacts badly to Jaune attacking Oscar (and even then the show pulls back in the worst way: no one really calls Jaune out on his shit, no one reaches out to Oscar, there are no consequences to Jaune’s actions (like Oscar leaving, which everyone expected), Yang is only worried about him. The overall message is the same we got for episode after episode: the protagonists can really do no wrong. Even when we subtly acknowledge that they make mistakes there are no repercussions. There’s no growth. Those mistakes are inconsequential). It’s only through the viewer’s personal experience that we might question what’s happening on screen, because the story in no way encourages us to as SU does. It’s only thinking to ourselves, “Does someone who does all this really fit my definition of a hero?”  

Thus, there’s nothing within the story itself, to my mind, that tells me RWBY is setting up something larger; that this OOC, protagonist-centric writing is setup meant to be turned on its head. Is it possible we’ll start Volume 7 with criticism of their actions? Absolutely, but so far I’ve seen nothing that makes me terribly hopeful it will be there. At this point I expect that any push-back will be framed as largely undeserved: Ironwood reams them out for their choices but the scene is highly sympathetic towards the group. We’re supposed to feel sorry for them getting punished over something they “had” to do, not satisfied that they’re finally learning from their mistakes. We already saw it with Qrow. Rather than encouraging us to take his fears about stealing the airship seriously, we’re instead encouraged to side with the group in viewing him as a pessimistic drunk who doesn’t want them to succeed only because he’s given up, not because the plan is actually absurd. The show came down hard on the side of kids in the kids vs. adults debate, thereby undermining any criticism adults might have. The show made Ruby’s plan entertainingly badass, pulled strings to make sure it succeeded, had Cordovin change her tune in the most absurd way, Qrow too, Jinn is randomly team Ruby, they walk away with absolutely 0 consequences… from a narrative standpoint everything is telling us, “They’re heroes who did the right thing.” If even evil, mean Cordovin ends up approving of Ruby by the end of it all, who is Ironwood to question her? He must be delusional. He must be wrong. Because every other character and every plot point is holding up a neon sign claiming that Ruby is right. 

In comparing the two shows, it’s also worth keeping in mind that Steven Universe is just tighter writing all around. Is it perfect? Of course not, no show is, but it has been meticulously planned by Sugar from the get-go and I can easily see that work in the final product. When something doesn’t add up in Steven Universe, like with Rose, I have complete faith that this conflict is there for a reason. We notice it, the show confirms that we’re supposed to notice it, and it’s eventually resolved. Sadly, I don’t have nearly as much faith in RWBY’s writing. 

[salmankhanholics]

★ EXCLUSIVE! Salman Khan on completing 3 decades in the industry: This has been the best journey ever !

Samina Shaikh | Dec 17, 2019

On a Saturday evening, the ‘Dabangg’ Khan made an entry at the Mehboob Studios and there is a frozen moment for the paparazzi who are glaring at him for a candid capture! At his jovial best, Salman Khan encouraged the media to do the ‘Munna Badnaam’ hook step with him. The actor then headed towards his tent where he indulged in an exclusive conversation with us talking about ‘Dabangg 3’, working with South stars, completing 3 decades in the industry, birthday plans and much more. Here are the excerpts from the interview: 

‘Dabangg 3’ is set for release, and you’ve taken an integral part in the scripting of this one, what was the thought process behind it? There was no thought process in this one. Thoughts just kept on flowing in. That is how this one was done. We brothers were sitting and chilling and we just thought that we should do ‘Dabangg’. How we should do ‘Dabangg’? We should get into New York, we should get into these places, I said no yaar. I said we should show how he became ‘Chulbul Pandey’. And that’s how it started falling in place. That’s how we started working on it. This is a very organic one for us. Very organic one! Because of the way one and two were written, it was easy for us to continue. But it also took 7 years for ‘Dabangg 3’ to release

We had already had that thing. Then I got busy into a lot of other films. So then, we got this time frame to do. So we did it in this time frame. You recently said at a promotional event that it’s not easy to work on a sequel because there are high expectations. What excited you to go for it and how did you convince Arbaaz Khan for ‘Dabangg 3’? The script. The script is always the most interesting part. If the script is interesting. you know, I'm interested. I'm interested, fans are interested. So that’s how it basically works. There were kickass dialogues in ‘Dabangg’ which became the USP of the movies. In ‘Dabangg 3’ what can one see? If something you can say, what is the USP of this one? (Laughs)We have a lot of things in this one and it is not forced. Now that Chulbul Pandey has become a caricature of himself. He's still the same guy. He's got more depth in fact. But he's the way he is. So the way he reacts to a situation, how he reacts in a serious situation, how he reacts is a comedy situation…When will he get irritated, when will he enjoy, what will be the counter dialogue? All these things are something to look for! Will we actually get to see a fan’s dialogue in the movie because you had a contest regarding it? You will see a lot of things in the film. Also these dialogues were not inspired by anywhere. They are original. Different kinds of dialogues, different kinds of scenes, which you can’t put in any other film. ‘Munni Badnaam’ was a famous song back then and it created a world record. With ‘Munna Badnaam’ can we get to see something like creating a world record? It just got released. It’s doing very well, let’s just see first. You launched Sonakshi Sinha in ‘Dabangg’ and it was an epic launch and now you have launched Saiee Manjrekar. What’s the quality is Saiee that stood out according to you? At that point of time the ‘Rajjo’ character needed Sonakshi and this time the character actually demanded Saiee Manjrekar. Saiee’s innocence, her sincerity, the way she is, the camera loves. Everything about her will stand out. When it comes to music, we have seen you humming a lot of old songs, at promotional events. In ‘Dabangg 3’, will we get to see that retro effect with the music, the kind of music you like? The kind of music ‘Dabangg’ has, you can’t hear that kind of music in any other film. Dabangg has got it’s own ‘Naina’... ‘Hud Hud’... ‘Munna Badnaam’... Dabangg has its own genre of music. So it’s very difficult to find that Dabangg kind of music in any film. So, so far we've been very happy and very lucky as well to get these kind of songs now, earlier and in the second one is well. Because it's a different kind of music. And people seem to like that but it's the same music in some other films will not work. The villain plays a crucial role in the movie and like you know in the earlier ones had Sonu Sood and Prakash Raj and now Kichcha Sudeep. What do you have to say about him and will you prefer venturing into South cinema? So this one first we are trying to release it there and let's see how this one does there because this is also their kind of film with a lot of heroism, songs, dance, emotions and family. So this is one actual film from here which fits into the South format of movies. Which their stars do. Like ‘Dabangg’ was also remade there. Very few movies…First, all our movies used to be remade there, especially my Dad’s movies. And then we started taking a lot of their remakes. In fact, I myself have done two. And ‘Dabangg’ was one which was remade there. So let’s see what happens. It will release in Tamil, Kannada and Telugu. So now let’s see how the audience there accept us like the way we have accepted ‘Bahubali’ and their actors like Rajinikanth and Kamal Haasan and Chiru Babua and others. What was your Dad’s feedback on ‘Dabangg 3’? Well he's liked it. He's liked it a lot. Otherwise, we had to leave our houses. Outdoors, outdoors, Outdoors... You have completed three decades in the industry starting from ‘Biwi Ho Toh Aisi’ to ‘Dabangg 3’, what do you’ve to say about it? This has been the best journey ever. What are your birthday celebration plans? So another generation will come in and we are going to spend time with them.

AUDIO Clips From Interview:

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT Rewatch 4X11 - Heroes and Villains

Wow, now that the Frozen Arc’s complete, all I can say is...HAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Don’t leave, Belle! There’s a lovely review just under it! XD

Main Takeaways

Past

I’m of a mixed mind about this flashback. On one hand, it provides some nice setup for the Queens of Darkness and provides a good plot reason for Belle to find the real dagger in the present line. In short, it connects to Belle’s character. Not only, that, but narratively, it works, it’s as long as it needs to be, and it sets up the counterpoint of Belle feeling betrayed well enough. It’s a solid as hell segment.

That said, given what happens in the present, I’m not sure this flashback is what the episode necessarily needed. And I feel bad about this because Belle gets so few episodes that focus on her and the ones she’s had haven’t really worked for me, so I don’t want to put down another one (especially when it’s pretty freakin’ solid as far as episodes go).

But, my mind goes back to (or rather forward to) the scene at the town line and the emotions we’re supposed to be feeling. And I just can’t help but feel like for that scene to be complete, something akin to seeing Rumple suffer under the dagger’s power would’ve been so much more appropriate here because it really paints how Rumple could’ve fallen so quickly from his Season 3 heroism without forcing the audience to bend over backwards to create theories to explain the change. Hell, given that Zelena comes back in the next half, having a Zelena flashback would’ve worked as foreshadowing for her return AND an establishment of just why Rumple’s so gung ho about his plan and the lengths he goes to to achieve it. And because of that, I can’t help but have a twinge of resentment towards this flashback because of that. We get a good enough introduction for the Queens of Darkness in the next episode and Belle surely could’ve found out about the dagger situation  through other means (Maybe when Henry knocks stuff down, it destroys the fake dagger and Belle then breaks into Rumple’s safe to find the real one?), but this was really Rumple’s last chance to flesh his motivations out in a way that narratively struck a chord. While I’ve pointed out glimpses of these motivations before, that’s just it: they were only glimpses. For a character like Rumple and for something that drives his character’s motivation for half a season in such a sharp twist to his character’s moral trajectory just a half season before, they really needed to do more than just glimpses here and there. And in this episode, the one where it should have the most focus, we only get a sentence discussing it. That’s not good enough.

Present

Like in “Family Business,’ the most interesting part of this episode can really be boiled down to a single moment, and that’s Belle banishing Rumple from Storybrooke with the dagger. It’s the most memorable part of the episode and if you’re reading this review, this is what you want me to get into. So here goes nothing!

Before I get into my feelings about Belle’s decision itself, I want to touch briefly on the moment from a storytelling perspective. But before that, because i’m gonna be a little negative here, I want to say that I do like this scene in a lot of ways. This is some of Emiliee de Ravin’s best acting on the show and the scene nails its tone, Additionally, as someone who likes Killian, this scene has one hell of a catharsis value after seeing him pushed around by Rumple for these past few episodes.

That said, I think that this scene is kind of messy.

It is framed as one that is tragic for Rumple and a tough, but necessary choice for Belle to make, and while the element of tragedy is present, the two parts lack potency. First, let’s go into Rumple’s share of the scene. Simply put, with everything Rumple has done and the real lack of focus on his motivations for going as dark as he did during this half season, I don’t feel sorry for him in the way the episode wants me to. This is something Rumple deserves for eleven episodes of lying, manipulation, kidnapping, and attempted murder and no amount of Robert Carlyle blubbering (Despite how good he is at it) is gonna make me change my mind about that. Additionally, Rumple’s lines are just not sympathetic. If they didn’t want to make this a sympathetic moment for Rumple, that would be one thing, but the music paints this as something tragic, even after Belle is out of Rumple’s sight. They want us to feel for Rumple to some extent, but he’s not talking about his weakness after losing Bae and his freedom for a year. He’s talking about how he wants his power and how they can have it all, and it doesn’t make this a complicated situation, but instead pushes the morality in this scene overwhelmingly in Belle’s favor.

And speaking of Belle, I wish that instead of going for a twist where Belle surprisingly stopped Rumple, that she had a bit of time to process the lie. I say this because Belle is very dramatic at the town line and while the buildup is good enough, Belle should get more focus beforehand as she discovers what Rumple’s really been up to as to really emphasize just how much he’s hurt her by lying to her so much. Her words in this scene are so powerful and speak of this moment as one of culmination as she realizes all of his sins, but the lack of focus on her in the present doesn’t set up the gravitas that’s needed to give birth to these words. He told a few big lies and the audience feels the weight of these lies because we spent eleven episodes seeing him lie, but Belle has seen that Rumple gave her a fake dagger and that Rumple was about to kill Killian. The first bit -- the most important one by the way the text is written -- happens off screen and the latter is presented as a twist, but is otherwise basically ignored by the scene, and that’s not even counting Rumple’s other lies. Do you see what I mean here? The heart of this banishing scene happened off screen and because of that, for all this scene’s gravitas, it feels a little narratively hollow.

Okay, now how do I feel about the banishing itself?

I think you’ve gleamed it by now, but I do agree with Belle’s decision. Granted, her scope of information is small unless in the intervening time, she learned about Rumple’s inaction during the casting of The Shattered Sight curse, but Belle does know Rumple is a threat. He lied about giving her the real dagger, nearly killed a man, and literally tried to take over the world (I’m gonna say she was able to piece that together). And not only that, but when given the chance to explain himself, he defaults to excuses. Belle was protecting everyone through this decision and herself too, and I can’t find fault in it.

Stream of Consciousness

-Okay, so is the king of the Southern Isles really okay with all of his thirteen children running off to go face a Snow Queen? Like, send a few, but ALL of them?! Like, isn’t he afraid of losing all of his heirs to a woman that his son most likely described as dangerous and mad?

-”I wanted to see how the mouse would play while the cat was away, so I lied.” Rumple is such a douche in this segment and I’m all here for it! XD

-”It’s time for you to see the world.” Welllllll, not just yet.

-Robin, your wife just came out of basically a coma. BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Seriously, CRACK A SMILE. Love who you love, but seriously, Robin acts like he HATES Marian in this scene. And it really sucks! Marian -- whether you love her or not, Robin, is the mother of your child. How can you not even be a little happy that she’s alive? It really does a disgusting job of painting Robin.

-I know the actress didn’t know she was actually Zelena at the time, but Christie Lang does such a job playing this scene with Regina at Granny’s so sympathetically and I just can’t help but imagine Zelena internally holding back laughter because of how she’s going to twist the knife when she fakes her side effects so that she and Robin have to leave town! XD

-”I want to be chosen.” Wow, Rumple’s right: When you can see the future, there’s really irony everywhere.

-”In the next life, things won’t be so pleasant for you.” ...Wow, Rumple’s right: When you can see the future, there’s really irony everywhere. XD Like SERIOUSLY! HOW DID THEY KNOW?!

-”He [Merlin] brought the Snow Queen from Arendelle to this world, which means his magic is strong enough to move between that world and ours.” It’s interesting how Merlin (And possibly The Apprentice) can move between realms and a reason why I understand why Merlin needed to ultimately die (Basically, he’s OP, but we’ll touch on that in Season 5).

-”So, I figured it out, why you collect so many magical objects. It’s because you have a hole in your heart.” ABC, I’m in this line and I don’t like it! XD

-I really like that we get a Belle and Henry scene! When this episode first aired, I was so surprised by its presence and I just adored the scene simply for having a dynamic like this. And together, they’re charming and cute! Honestly, given how Henry becomes the author later on, I’d have loved to see the two of them interact more as an author and a book fanatic! That said, this scene also goes to show how fucking pointless it was for Henry to work at Gold’s. Not only is his part in saving Killian only accidental (Something that was possibly implied by Gold seeing the hat and saying not to go into the back room), but in terms of his original goal of finding the Author, he’s not even snooping or working in this scene: He just blatantly asks about the Author. And it’s not like Henry and Rumple bonded at all in between these two scenes so why he’s not still snooping is weird. So why make Henry work here in the first place as opposed to Rumple just being a last option? Like, Rumple tells Regina he knows Henry was snooping, but they could’ve just had Regina bring up the Author instead or had Henry be more direct. I know it’s a small thing to get riled up about it, but yeah, it was kind of pointless.

-You know, I really FEEL for the writers. They build up these honestly pretty great twists, but the marketing exposed them prematurely.

-”Having Marian back in his life means so much to Roland.” Look, why can’t you smile like THAT for a fucking second when Marian came back?

-”If I went back to Marian, I’d be living a lie.” And setting Roland up for a life of his parents resenting each other, which wouldn’t be healthy.

-I really like Rumple and Regina’s conversation in the car. Rumple very clearly cares for Regina and wants her to be happy. As you can see by the harsh and honest way he gives her advice. He knows it sounds villain-y and kind of disturbing, but he’s sure it would be the way he could be happy.

-XD I kind of forgot that Mal could form herself via birds!

-I love Ursula’s tentacles! They’re slimy, scaly, and still malleable, giving them this gross yet cool sense to them.

-I love how Cruella has the most understated entrance, but is the most dangerous of all three of them! XD

-”Shall I get you a stepstool so you can look in my eyes when you threaten me?” Fucking iconic, Cruella.

-You know, we never did find out what the Queens of Darkness even want! XD

-I kind of wish we got more out of Emma and Elsa’s goodbye. Elsa says a lot, but Emma really doesn’t get the chance.

-Damn, the Sorcerer’s Hat is BEAUTIFUL when it goes off! I love the use of stars and the shades of purple! It’s just lovely!

-I know this is a super emotional moment, but I am curious. Given that humans are...well, humans, what would happen if we unknowingly built a town over the clearing that cloaks Storybrooke? Like, ordinary people can’t pass through the town line into Storybrooke, but what happens if they just build a town in the free space they enter when they do so?

-”Two.” Tow what? I know they’re getting shots, but what kind of stuff do you want to get drunk off of? If I were the bartender, I’d charge you for top shelf shots for such vagueness!

-I’m very glad that Regina and Emma didn’t drink before driving! XD

-Why are all these fairytale creatures moving to New York? I live in New York and it’s expensive as hell!

-”Demanding a ransom from the Dark One is not a deal. It’s a deathwish.” That is such a Rumple line and I love it!

Favorite Dynamic

Rumple and Killian. These two drive the tension of this episode flawlessly. This is the dynamic we worry about. The past is a foregone conclusion and the Queens of Darkness are at least a little distant. But Rumple having control over Killian’s life is what we worry about and serves as the ticking clock that makes this episode as exciting to watch as it is. It’s with Rumple and Killian that we get a good balance of plot and story. Rumple gives a lot of exposition about the Sorcerer and because he’s about to kill Killian, he can tell him anything he wants with no fear, allowing for this really intriguing honesty which we rarely see with Rumple. And Killian’s biting back at every chance he can, really showing off that hot headed personality of his. And let’s talk about Killian’s scene with Emma at Granny’s because EVERYTHING with them works and I would be remiss to not talk about it. The scene shows just how powerless Killian really is and builds the tension of how much control Rumple has. It’s where this dynamic shines the brightest and it brought to new heights by the terrifying music and the editing cuts between Rumple and Killian. It also shows just how both well and horribly Rumple knows Killian. While he can impersonate Killian’s speech patterns well enough, it’s the more down-to-earth mannerisms and subtleties that make it clear before we even first cut to Rumple that this is a facade and make it clear to Emma that something’s up. And once it’s revealed that this is indeed a facade, the scene grows so much creepier as we see Rumple literally putting words in Killian’s mouth. It’s an actual masterpiece of a scene.

Writer

Adam and Eddy conclude our half season. It’s definitely not their best episode, that’s for sure, but not at all their worst. Just maybe to this point. Anyway, I’ve been throwing around the word “gravitas” like a tennis ball to a puppy lately and that trend continues here. If emphasis is put onto something being set up or paid off, it at least needs an emotional backing that is reasonably strong. When characters make big and sharp decisions, there needs to be a good deal of substance to those decisions.

Culture

So, how about that Frozen Arc?

I went into this rewatch knowing that despite keeping an open mind, I would most likely dislike two episodes (The present segments of “The Apprentice” and “Breaking Glass”), but otherwise love the hell out of the arc as a whole. I left it...basically feeling the same way. While I didn’t adore “Family Business” in the way I used to, I still like it and the same goes for this episode too. Overall, the Frozen Arc succeeds more than it fails for me. It features two interesting villains with interesting schemes, more of a reminder that whoever runs OUAT’s casting is a god amongst us puny mortals, interesting uses of those characters, and boobs.

Now, let’s talk about the Frozen characters and balance. This is an incredibly unpopular opinion, but I think that the Frozen cast had fuck all to do with the balancing issues of this arc. Apart from the flashbacks in “The Tale of Two Sisters, “Rocky Road,” “Smash the Mirror,” and “Fall” (all of which were setup for the events in the main storyline), each flashback either didn’t involve them at all or had their characters act as support or a counterpoint to one of our mainstays. And these served as overall good moments of development for the characters they worked off of. Rumple got the most sympathy in his brief moment bemoaning his defeat at Anna’s hands then he did for basically the entire half season and David’s past with Anna not only was a great character episode for him, but unknowingly led to an entire arc for him later on. And in the present, it’s pretty noticeable to me that Elsa and Ingrid’s troubles are what give way to Emma, Regina, Belle, and everyone else working out their own shit with her as an excuse to be together. Some may say that makes them a plot device, but they’re given enough character and contributions to the story to not become that.

Anna, Elsa, and Ingrid’s stories were not at fault for the lackluster storytelling in some cases (Rumple’s motivation, Robin’s...just everything, Killian’s entire character in “The Apprentice,” Emma and Regina’s fight). Throughout my reviews, I’ve been posing small changes that didn’t need to even touch the Frozen segments to be enacted that would have better aided the storytelling for the characters and arcs as a whole. Now, that’s not to say they didn’t impose at all. I think when it came to Ingrid’s defeat, Emma and her magic should have played more of a part, even if it was just as someone who could protect Anna. But it was the minority of cases. Overall, the Frozen cast acted as support and led to interesting character moments. We see Emma learn to accept and love her magic as a part of her through Elsa, a different aspect of her magic that hadn’t been taught to her at this point. We see David grow into the hero he is through his lessons with Anna and struggles overcoming her grief. We see Rumple and Ingrid play a cat and mouse game with all of Storybrooke as their arena. We see Belle grow as a more selfless person through her friendship and somewhat betrayal of Anna. These are all interesting character moments that I don’t know could’ve been done without either the Frozen cast themselves or some other side characters and I’m glad it was the former. Not only did they make the arc more cohesive through having a more intimate cast of secondaries, but it ended up creating something visually striking from the rest of the series because of all of the ice imagery.

To sum it up, the Frozen saga’s pretty tight.

Rating

8/10. ...I feel like sometimes, these reviews don’t do my feelings justice. I feel like I do a bad part communicating during episodes where I have a lot to say negatively that most of the time, I am enjoying myself and the only reason I make it a point to elaborate on my rating for any given episode is so that I can discuss more positive elements. Because I did have a fun time watching this episode. While my criticisms were what they were, I was grinning like a dope for the entire thing. I liked the extra bit of focus on Belle, Rumple being Rumple, Rumple and Killian’s full on dynamic, and basically the entire flashback.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Rumbelle - Rumple waking Belle was cute as fuck! I love how he not only prepares breakfast for her, but basically tickles her nose until she wakes up. Also, I love Rumple and Belle banter in the beginning of the episode, too!

Captain Swan - Killian Jones can fight his heart being stolen so he can communicate for a second to Emma that something’s up and I LOVE IT! Like, it’s not even a second, it’s closer to three, and this is with the freakin’ DARK ONE in control of him! Also, THE NOSE SQUISHES!!!! That’s my fucking JAM!

Outlaw Queen - I definitely haven’t been the biggest fan of this relationship lately, but their goodbye at the town line really did get me. I felt so sorry for both of these two because they were so close to making things work and the circumstances that tore them apart were tragic, but (seemingly) necessary and the scene with them prior to this showed that they were going to handle their relationship the right way. Because of that (and the stellar and emotional background music), the scene really worked. I really felt bad seeing them have to separate and teared up a bit seeing Regina rip apart page 23.

Swan Queen - I love how supportive Emma was of Regina here! It feels really organic to them and the relationship they have to chill out over shots. And I love Emma’s enthusiasm to join Operation Mongoose! That was just too fucking cute!

-----

Another episode has come and gone and now finally, i can move onto the Queens of Darkness arc!!!

Thank you for reading and to both @watchingfairytales and @daensarah! See you guys next time!

Season 4 Total (95/230)

Writer Scores: Adam and Eddy: (24/60) Jane Espenson: (20/40) David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz: (30/50) Andrew Chambliss: (14/50) Dana Horgan: (6/30) Kalinda Vazquez: (14/40) Scott Nimerfro: (14/30) Tze Chun (8/20)

Tags: ouat, once upon a time, watching fairytales, ouat episode code, ouat rewatch, jenna watches ouat, ships mentioned, triggers mentioned

*Links to the rest of my rewatch will no longer be provided. They take posts with links outside of searches and I spend way too much time on these reviews to not give them that kind of exposure. Sorry for the inconvenience, but they still can be found on my page under Operation Rewatch.

[him-e]

Ships and “Endgame” in the ST

I’m curious about are how the narrative treats Rey and Kylo’s interactions in TLJ and how Rey interacts with Finn: I just wanted to hear a counter-argument on why F/innRey wouldn’t be endgame and/or Rey/Kylo would be endgame. They’re not connected necessarily: both can’t be endgame at the same time because I don’t expect Lucasfilm to depict a poly relationship any time soon, but arguing against Reylo being endgame doesn’t mean f/nnrey must be canon or vice versa. Please don’t think I’m writing this in bad faith, I’m genuinely curious about these points and I don’t mean to disrespect anyone who ships Reylo. 

Rey and Finn’s interactions in TFA and TLJ are framed very positively. The lines of dialogue between them like “Cute boyfriend?” and “You looked at me like no one ever had,” definitely point to romantic interest to me: I don’t see why the creators would include lines like that without indicating some romantic interest was there. Finn is the first person to ever “come back” for Rey, and their experiences with each other are “firsts” that are incredibly important. They care deeply about each other.

In TLJ, they are separated for the majority of it, but you could say that separation is always part of the romantic arc, and Rey is constantly thinking about him, while Finn is constantly thinking about her. Before she heads off to save Kylo, she gives Chewie an important message to Finn. (Which could have been something like “I love you” but I don’t want to assume.) When they see each other and embrace at the end of the movie, it’s the first time Rey looks *happy* in TLJ. She looks so happy when they hug, and there’s a long hold both on their embrace and at Rey’s heartbroken expression as Finn tucks  in Rose.

In contrast, the Rey and Kylo scenes could be interpreted as Rey learning her lesson about how important Kylo is to saving the galaxy: not a “Don’t Trust Your Sexuality” lesson, which I do find a misogynistic angle to take on this particular issue, but a lesson about thinking she needs Ben Solo to save the galaxy, a lesson that she doesn’t need him. Additionally, although most of their Force bonds are weighed with attraction, she never seems to be very happy with him, and at the end, he says deeply cruel things to her (The Throne Room scene) and attempts to have her killed on Crait. 

The last Force bond tells me Rey is not budging, and, per the novelization, has no compassion for him: it would be a long, long road to have her forgive him at all, let alone build some sort of romantic dynamic even though they will probably be enemies for a significant portion of IX. (Noting here that yes, they were enemies in TLJ too, but IX can’t spend a large portion of its running time devoted to intimate conversations like TLJ did: it’s the final act of this Trilogy and the Skywalker Saga, things need to start wrapping up.)

I do think that Kylo Ren’s redemption is somewhat necessary to keep the story of the Skywalker family from seeming like a complete tragedy: it would be a pessimistic ending, in my view, if the takeaway from the ST was “Sometimes, your loved one can’t be saved, and so other people must rise to the occasion,” for the Skywalker family. But, even if I think redemption is incoming, I’m still not convinced that Kylo could be with Rey. There’s audience reaction to consider (cue the cries of people asking just how this villain is worthy of the hero), but also the narrative beforehand: although Rey seemed willing to forgive Kylo completely for a part of TLJ, the audience still remembers scenes like the interrogation (a violation of Rey and something that robs her of agency, even though she does defeat Kylo), the Snow Fight, the Throne Room, and Crait. They did tone down some of his actions in the interrogation, like touching her, supposedly, but I still feel like Kylo is an unambiguous villain in those scenes, his treatment of Rey is awful (and this is just about his behavior, not whether Rey fights him off) and then, after showing us some of his humanity in TLJ, he snaps back to being a villain, and hurting Rey, intentional or not.

In TFA, Kylo is very much an aggressor/pursuer of Rey and her triumph is in fighting him off; in TLJ, he seems like more of a tempter figure, and Rey’s triumph is not giving into his offer and finding value in herself. She doesn’t ever seem happy with him, and the narrative never shows us a scene of complete fulfillment when she’s with Kylo: he never gives her anything she didn’t have, where Finn does in TFA by going back for her. (The scene where they touch hands, especially considering the music and the fact that Luke Skywalker is the one walking in on them, could also be read as an ominous one where Rey is getting too close to the dark.)

I don’t deny that Reylo was extremely “shippy” in TLJ. But Rian Johnson, in the same interview when he said that Kylo’s perspective in the throne room was a “naked, emotional appeal” also said: “It was important to me that it wasn’t a chess game, it wasn’t just a manipulation. It’s unhealthy, and there’s much that is awful about the way that he is manipulative. From his point of view, it’s a very naked, open, emotional appeal.” So he does acknowledge that Kylo is being unhealthy and manipulative, and that’s the writer’s intent. Rey’s arc in TLJ is very much fit to a naive hero’s arc, where she trusts the wrong person and sees the error of her ways. It doesn’t mean that Kylo is irredeemable and can never be trusted again, but TLJ also doesn’t mean that Kylo and Rey should be together, and includes quite a few scenes that could be read as red flags on his end, signals to the audience that this is a bad man who doesn’t have Rey’s best interests at heart.

And then there’s the next film, which is more opinion/conjecture on my part, but I don’t think JJ Abrams is the kind of storyteller who’s interested in depicting a big epic romance as the finale of the Skywalker Trilogy, or interested in involving Rey in the Skywalker Redemption question. Han and Leia care about Ben in TFA, Rey only views him as an enemy; and when she does try redeeming him in TLJ, the answer to her attempt is a solid “No.” JJ is a Better Trevorrow to me, in some ways, where he’s good at spectacle and big, bombastic movies, and although he isn’t openly misogynistic, his movies do have some sexist pitfalls. The “Reylo” arc is on a knife’s edge as it is, and already perceived as abusive and glorifying of a villain who hurts the heroine by many people: how would he be able to execute it in such a way that the audience wouldn’t be outraged at the injustice of Kylo Ren not only getting redeemed, but “getting the girl” so to speak? (I totally think the idea of Rey as a prize is repulsive, but unfortunately the majority of people do still perceive heroines or love interests who are female this way.)

Rey not needing Kylo, and being able to ascend to heroism without him, was the end point of TLJ, and I think it would undermine that ending if in IX she did turn out to need him after all and they had to work together or she had to forgive him. The movies so far have explicitly showed that while they’re attracted to each other, he’s a toxic person who isn’t good for her. And if it is going to be romantic going forward, why would it have an “endgame” type ending? And then there’s the option of Rey being alone romantically, but still surrounded by friends, allies, and people who care about her.

And on a separate note, I just feel like there are far too many “romance” cues for F/innRey for that to not have been planned from the beginning. In TFA, those “boyfriend” lines weren’t essential, they could have been taken out without affecting the friendly-rapport feeling in their relationship. In TLJ, they didn’t have to juxtapose Rey being in tears facing Kylo to happily embracing Finn upon being reunited with him. And while there is the factor of Rose kissing Finn, they never entered into a deliberate romantic relationship or showed that the feelings were mutual: I feel like FinnRose isn’t essential to the next movie if they dismissed it, since so much of Finn and Rose’s arc could be read as them being friends or compatriots. There’s really no cues of romance until she kisses him.

I’m sorry this is much longer than I anticipated, but these are the things that have been nagging me for the past few months. I did really enjoy TLJ, and I do like Reylo and apologize if my comments came off like I was trashing the ship for no reason, but this is my honest reading of the text. I have a lot of respect for your meta and wanted to bring up these points: if you don’t want to respond to this, I’m sorry for depicting a negative opinion and wasting your time.

Don’t worry, I don’t think you wrote this in bad faith! That’s one hell of an essay, and I want to thank you for taking the time to write it and submit it to my blog. The two main arguments you’re making are a) that reylo is real but is depicted negatively and so it’s unlikely to be endgame, and b) that f/nnrey can still happen and be endgame because the romantic hints dropped in TFA must go somewhere and it makes Rey happy (forgive me for the simplification). I’ll try to address some key points.

The movies so far have explicitly showed that while they’re attracted to each other, he’s a toxic person who isn’t good for her

I don’t think that’s what the movies showed. He’s not a toxic person to Rey (Daisy Ridley has gone on record saying Kylo “nurtured” Rey in a way that even Luke couldn’t do)—he’s someone whose political affiliation and morals and ideologies can’t be reconciled with Rey’s, and THAT’S why Rey dumps him. Because he doesn’t stop firing on the Resistance fleet and instead asks her to essentially become a villainess at his side, because he’s still hellbent on being the leader of a despotic military organization, that’s why the narrative separated them at the end of TLJ, not because he’s “toxic” or “abusive”.

even if I think redemption is incoming, I’m still not convinced that Kylo could be with Rey. There’s audience reaction to consider (cue the cries of people asking just how this villain is worthy of the hero), but also the narrative beforehand: although Rey seemed willing to forgive Kylo completely for a part of TLJ, the audience still remembers scenes like the interrogation (a violation of Rey and something that robs her of agency, even though she does defeat Kylo), the Snow Fight, the Throne Room, and Crait. They did tone down some of his actions in the interrogation, like touching her, supposedly, but I still feel like Kylo is an unambiguous villain in those scenes, his treatment of Rey is awful (and this is just about his behavior, not whether Rey fights him off) and then, after showing us some of his humanity in TLJ, he snaps back to being a villain, and hurting Rey, intentional or not. 

So it actually all boils down to the audience’s reaction, doesn’t it? He’s too much of a villain so let’s not make reylo happen or the audience won’t accept it. But what the narrative is depicting—intentionally—is a hero/villain romance. The villain being a villain and yes, doing villain things including trying to hurt the hero (and viceversa, the hero doing hero things and trying to stop, violently, the villain) is exactly what defines this sort of pairings. Part of the audience will love it, part won’t, but a narrative that is afraid of pissing off a part of the audience isn’t a strong narrative.

I’m also not sure what would be the point of redeeming Kylo but still having him portrayed as a toxic individual whom the heroine should stay the fuck away from. Does this sound like an epic closure to a trilogy of trilogies whose thematic pillars have always been hope and redemption? To me it just sounds like a moralistic tale trying to half assedly appeal to tumblr discourse.

The “Reylo” arc is on a knife’s edge as it is, and already perceived as abusive and glorifying of a villain who hurts the heroine by many people: how would he be able to execute it in such a way that the audience wouldn’t be outraged at the injustice of Kylo Ren not only getting redeemed, but “getting the girl” so to speak? (I totally think the idea of Rey as a prize is repulsive, but unfortunately the majority of people do still perceive heroines or love interests who are female this way.)

You’re talking as if the audience is a hivemind and universally agrees with the intra-fandom, white-feminist, tumblr-specific “Reylo is abusive” wank. But the majority of the audience is actually moderately fine with Reylo, and most of them will be overwhelmingly okay with it if IX has something that tops the praetorian guard fight in terms of iconic jedi/sith marriage alliance. A good 80% of the general target audience for SW is people who don’t engage with fandom the way we do, they couldn’t care less about reylo or f/nnrey or any other ships for that matter, they just want to see a good story and be entertained for three hours and pew pew space battles. The people who will be “outraged” if Kylo “gets the girl” are only a tiny niche if you consider the star wars audience as a whole.

Also, it isn’t Kylo getting the girl. It’s Rey getting the boy. TLJ made sure to put her perspective front and center—it’s she who pursues Kylo, she who catches him in a state of undress, she who gets the eye candy, she who ruminates on his backstory while also delving deep into her own. It’s her point of view, her feelings, her attraction, her choices, while Kylo remains relatively passive for most of the time, waiting for her (to show up in a force connection, to come to the Supremacy, to take his hand). 

The scene where they touch hands, especially considering the music and the fact that Luke Skywalker is the one walking in on them, could also be read as an ominous one where Rey is getting too close to the dark

oh, no. No, no, no. :)) The Force theme plays during the hand touch. (the /ominous/ music you hear before is actually some notes from Kylo’s theme, iirc). And the point of Luke’s arc in TLJ was that he was wrong about Ben, wrong about trying to murder him, and especially wrong about going into exile for years, and after this scene he finally decides to face his demons. He’s not the wise mentor whose perspective can be trusted. His perspective is as flawed as everyone else’s. And he is actually the one who is depicted in an ominous way in that scene (barging in, hand raised to destroy the hut in a gesture that reminds intentionally of what Ben did the night he destroyed the jedi academy).

And at no point Rey got too close to the dark. She only got close to Kylo. She was never tempted by power, or knowledge, or violence, or any of the traditional pitfalls of the dark side. Her only instinct was to help, and save someone from himself. If compassion and love are a path to the dark side, then we should rewrite the Sith code, lol. No, Luke was wrong, he learned his lesson, and by the end of the movie he went to face Kylo Ren fully knowing that he wouldn’t be the one who’d turn the monster back into a man this time, but that someone else could.

Rey not needing Kylo, and being able to ascend to heroism without him, was the end point of TLJ, and I think it would undermine that ending if in IX she did turn out to need him after all and they had to work together or she had to forgive him.

It’s not about “needing”, or “having to”. It’s about wanting. Rey not needing Kylo (and likewise Kylo not needing Rey) is something I’m thankful TLJ established, because it actually lays the basis for the healthiest kind of relationship, the one where you love someone without depending (materially or emotionally) on them. This puts all the emphasis on personal choice, rather than necessity, and I think fits extremely well with the main themes of this trilogy. Rey realizing that she doesn’t need Kylo was beautiful and I’m sure the narrative won’t backtrack on it, but I still think she’s going to be with him in the end, not because she “has to”, or “can’t live without him”, but because she wants to.

And I think this doesn’t undermine Rey’s agency at all, on the contrary, it elevates it.

Re: the proposal speech being manipulative but also genuine according to Rian, please refer to this and this. 

Re: Rey being “unhappy” with him, uhm. I see this argument tossed around all the time and it annoys me big time. Right, she was SO unhappy that she ditched Luke to run to Kylo and try to save him as soon as she got a Force flashforward of his being at her side. What an ugly vision she must have seen, right? Careful not to confuse “raw emotions for an enemy whose pain resonates deeply with mine, as I’m also fighting a war” with “unhappiness”. Rey wasn’t unhappy in TLJ anymore than she was in TFA—she just stopped pretending to be fine, as she met someone who made her dig under the surface of her plucky heroine facade and confront her own demons and feelings of abandonment, and who brought his own demons and feelings of abandonment to the table, which Rey felt intensely for.

Happiness, conversely, isn’t always a sign and guarantee of romantic love, and the idea that love always makes you feel happy is generalizing and shallow, especially when it’s more about looking happy than anything. “She looks so happy when they hug”. Uh. So? I have a best friend who is truly the only person in the world who can put a smile on my face when I’m feeling down and who I can be completely myself with, and I would even say she’s the MOST important person in my world aside from my own family, and YET, I’m not in love with her. Nor should I try to be in order to stop suffering or be generically “happy”. Friendship is friendship, and love is love: both are equally important but they’re not the same, and they fulfill different needs. (mind, this is not me dissing friends-to-lovers tropes, which I like a lot, or saying that friendship can never evolve into romantic love, just that the kind of comfort and happiness true friendship offers isn’t necessarily the best basis for a romance, especially when there aren’t any obvious signs of romantic/sexual attraction.)

Speaking of which, and moving to the pro-f/rey part of your submission… I think most of the confusion re: f/nnrey being “obviously” romantic in TFA comes from the assumption that an “endgame” relationship needs to be portrayed as unambiguously positive since the start. Yes, Finn and Rey’s interactions in TFA were overwhelmingly positive��almost too positive, which in mainstream fiction doesn’t bode well for romance. Central romances, especially of the “epic” kind, are generally bumpy (or downright antagonistic) at first. And by “at first” I don’t mean the first five minutes of interactions, as in f/nnrey’s case: I mean at least the first act of the story. Translated into the context of a movie trilogy—it amounts to the first movie, give or take.

I just feel like there are far too many “romance” cues for F/innRey for that to not have been planned from the beginning. In TFA, those “boyfriend” lines weren’t essential, they could have been taken out without affecting the friendly-rapport feeling in their relationship. In TLJ, they didn’t have to juxtapose Rey being in tears facing Kylo to happily embracing Finn upon being reunited with him. And while there is the factor of Rose kissing Finn, they never entered into a deliberate romantic relationship or showed that the feelings were mutual: I feel like FinnRose isn’t essential to the next movie if they dismissed it, since so much of Finn and Rose’s arc could be read as them being friends or compatriots. There’s really no cues of romance until she kisses him.

funny how you’re saying that f/nnrey had “too many” romance cues not to have been planned from the get go in the same breath as you also argue that finnrose isn’t irrevocably romantic and could be easily dismissed in IX. Finn and Rose have a complete romantic arc in TLJ. Complete with a kiss. Whereas Finn and Rey only have a “boyfriend” line (which could be very well foreshadowing of Rey getting a “boyfriend” in TLJ, which she did, lol) and everything else is about deeply caring for each other and being each other’s first real friend (she looked at him like no one ever had, he came back for her when nobody would). Friendship tropes, I’ll concede, can sometimes be confused with romantic tropes, but why do the tropes used in TFA f/nnrey speak of romance more clearly than what Finn and Rose had in TLJ?

My opinion: they don’t. And if it seems to you like they do, it’s probably because you want them to see that way. Which is okay, as long as you’re aware of your bias. What really tips the scale from “could be romantic” to “oh no it’s definitely romantic” is the usage of textual, unequivocal romantic tropes and situations like Rose kissing Finn on the lips against a beautiful beaming ray of light or, well, Rey accidentally walking on a half naked Kylo and being very confused. 

Those are facts, not hints.

And this isn’t Game of Thrones with its three hundred parallel storylines and red herrings or a 14 seasons-long CW teen drama, it’s a three-movie space opera that needs to be as closely knit and narratively solid as possible, it can’t afford doing a back and forth between romantic storylines, which at this point (following your logic) would be THREE, and two of them should be dismissed or ended badly in the last movie for the third to be endgame.

The main couples of this trilogy as established by TLJ are Finnrose and Reylo. F/nnrey having any sort of romantic development at this point would only confuse the audience and unnecessarily complicate the narrative, which is already complex enough as it is. 

In TLJ, [Finn and Rey] are separated for the majority of it, but you could say that separation is always part of the romantic arc

Not for the entire second act of a trilogy, the one where (statistically in the SW movies) the pairing makes the leap from platonic (or antagonistic) to romantic. 

and Rey is constantly thinking about him, while Finn is constantly thinking about her. 

…were they? I mean, they probably were and it’s fine to headcanon it that way, but we weren’t actually shown any of it on screen (it was just handwaved at, with Rey trying to make contact with Finn, and Finn trying to leave to find Rey in the beginning) and this is important, storywise. It means that their dynamic is already established; the narrative trusts the audience to remember that they’re friends, they care about each other, they have an unbreakable sibling-like bond à la Luke and Leia, and there’s no need to remind us that they care about each other or introduce new developments in their relationship, which was fully formed by the end of TFA already.

Before she heads off to save Kylo, she gives Chewie an important message to Finn. (Which could have been something like “I love you” but I don’t want to assume.)

Again, it’s fine if you want to headcanon it that way, but one half of the pairing having the revelation that she loves the other offscreen (and no payoff for that at the end of the movie) is a really bizarre way to establish an endgame romantic pairing, if you ask me.

Re: the residual “romantic” cues in finn/rey—I think, if there were any (which in itself is debatable, but still), it’s probably because the finnreylo dynamic was originally conceived (by JJ) as some sort of lowkey love triangle, and then scrapped (still by JJ) in favor of a completely platonic bond on the f/nnrey side. Thankfully, Rian threw any possibility of a wacky love triangle out of the window by introducing Rose and letting Finn have his OWN romantic storyline rather than being reduced to a third wheel or cannon fodder to some stupid romantic conflict for reylo (which has no shortage of conflict on its own anyway, lol).

You also make it sound it deceptively easy to dismiss Finnrose as some sort of failed experiment or brief but ultimately irrelevant digression in the path that leads to the f/rey romance. It’s not. Rose is an important character, whose feelings matter, and she’s EXPLICITLY, textually in love with Finn. There’s no way to work around this fact or pretend it didn’t happen or argue that they’ll magically turn into platonic coworkers or *compatriots* (?). Finn’s feelings might be less clear but that’s why we still have a whole movie to go. But they already kissed, which as I said is far more definitive storywise than a line about a cute boyfriend or a kiss on the forehead.

Finally,

it would be a long, long road to have [Rey] forgive [Kylo] at all, let alone build some sort of romantic dynamic even though they will probably be enemies for a significant portion of IX. 

It wouldn’t be a long, long road to have her forgive him, it would be a very short and simple road, because TLJ already did the bulk of the work in this sense, and made Rey deeply care for Kylo and, even more importantly, understand where his rage and hurt come from. The romantic dynamic is already established, it only needs to come to fruition, which is incredibly easy to make it happen since (to your admission too) they’re doing Bendeption anyway. To be frank, Kylo only needs to choose to ditch the First Order and maybe make ONE selfless act to redeem himself, even in Rey’s eyes, especially in Rey’s eyes. Nothing he did on Crait was worse than what he did on Starkiller (his body count is even shorter!), and it took Rey approximately 5 days to believe in his inherent goodness. I don’t think she’s changed her mind on that. I think she knows he isn’t in the right place to change his views yet, and is fully ready to fight him if need come, but she also doesn’t hate him, as the novelization also confirms (whereas, post tfa, she thought she did).

yes, they were enemies in TLJ too, but IX can’t spend a large portion of its running time devoted to intimate conversations like TLJ did: it’s the final act of this Trilogy and the Skywalker Saga, things need to start wrapping up.

Actually, it can. TLJ did it and managed to have TWO other full fledged storylines (including another romantic arc) running parallel to the reylo one, an identity/redemption arc for Luke AND an epic climatic battle in the end. 2 hours and 45 minutes are a LONG time to develop a dynamic to its fulfillment. And what other loose ends or main conflicts does this trilogy have to resolve yet, other than Ben’s relationship with Rey (and reconciliation with Leia, hopefully)? The only reason you think IX can’t spend time on reylo is because you don’t see it as a crucial part of this trilogy. But it is.

TL;DR; in my opinion f/rey doesn’t have enough set up to be the endgame romance (not even considering TFA alone), and with Rose’s introduction they kind of sealed the deal. Having Finn and Rey be involved in romantic threads with two other main characters only to undo those threads and put them together in the end actually requires more work (narrative-wise) than letting their respective romantic storylines evolve to their natural conclusion in IX. Pre-TLJ I said that both f/rey and reylo can be “canon”, and both are, the former as a friendship (the most important one in this trilogy) and the latter as a romance. I just don’t think they’ll be both romantic in the end. There’s potential in that to explore in fanfiction (just like there was potential in, say, Luke/Leia or Obi Wan/Padmé or even O/bikin), but it’s an extremely unlikely (and messy) direction to go for the canon story.

Hope this clarifies my opinion on the issues you raised, and that I didn’t sound too dismissive of your points. If so I apologize in advance.

[davidmann95]

Well, that was unexpected.

I know we’ve all had over a year to get used to this kid’s take on the character, and two to wrap our heads around the concept of Homecoming in the first place, but it really is worth reflecting again for a moment on how this movie is impossible. This movie can not be. Spider-Man’s over there, and the X-Men are over there, and the Avengers are over here, and we all knew from day one of Feige & companies’ grand experiment that never the twain would meet. Hell, it wasn’t even just box office failure or negotiations that led to this, but the franchises’ sheer freak incidental connection to The Interview via Sony and therefore the North Korean hack a few years back, with the humiliating scope of how little Sony knew what they were doing with Spidey spilling out into the public eye and forcing them into a corner where they had to take the only realistic way out that everyone was also now yelling at them to do.

But, well, it happened, and in getting the biggest character they could under their umbrella, Marvel Studios had to take on what must have been an almost unthinkable degree of pressure with this flick. Because with this, they had to:

1. Do a movie with an exponentially more popular character than they’d ever handled before.

2. Do the sixth movie in this characters’ series and make it distinct, without moving him into wildly new narrative territory because they want to bank on the preexisting affection for him.

3. Handle this characters’ second reboot in a decade, when the last one was already getting reboot fatigue complaints.

4. Establish this character not just as a successful new franchise like Doctor Strange or Ant-Man, but as the guy who they’ve all but publicly announced they’ll be positioning as the central figure of their $11 billion and counting cinematic universe once Evans and Downey leave.

5. Do all this knowing that if they fuck it up out of the gate they might not necessarily have a second chance to get it right, Sony might just take their ball and go home.

So...it’s fair that I wasn’t expecting too much here, right? Not that I thought it would be bad by any means, but the trailers weren’t exactly blowing me away, they weren’t going to address Uncle Ben which meant the arguable biggest underlying idea of Spider-Man - his overwhelming guilt - wasn’t going to be in here, they were shortchanged a lot of Spider-Man’s biggest stories between wanting to avoid the previous ones and Sony wanting to play hardball with the villains (whether in the hopes of prodding Marvel to fork over a billion or two to buy Spider-Man back outright, or because they’re genuinely dumb enough to think that after all this they can really make a successful solo Venom/Kraven/Mysterio/Black Cat/Silver Sable movie series), and it had an untested director and like six writers. By all indications, this was going to be a very conservative, standard-issue, focus-tested-to-hell-and-back MCU flick where they’d play it fairly safe while integrating him into the larger universe and giving Tom Holland a chance to charm audiences into accepting him, and hopefully all involved would try something a little ballsier for the sequel. No crime, understandable given the circumstances, but they’d have a lot of work to do later on.

This is the first great Spider-Man movie.

Some obvious caveats there: yes, the first two Raimi films are great superhero movies, but as far as I’m concerned that the dude in there is named Peter Parker and wears Spider-Man’s costume is a complete coincidence. They’re the endpoint of a very particular, masochistic strain of thought on the character as defined by pain and isolation - rather than being a dumb teen who thinks the world is constantly shitting on him, because he’s a dumb teen and of course he thinks that - losing in the process most of his charm and energy in favor of framing him as sainted, suffering martyr to New York’s sins. The Amazing movies on the other hand had a basically perfect Spidey in Andrew Garfield, the embodiment of the frustrated, funny, cocky, eventually decent Parker of the original Lee/Ditko years, but he and Emma Watson’s great Gwen Stacy were embedded in some overall crappy movies, which had the unfortunate side-effect of rendering that interpretation of the character radioactive for the time being.

This, on the other hand?

Not to too dramatically oversell what happened here - this isn’t an all-timer hall of fame entry to stand alongside your Dark Knights or Logans. They didn’t take any bold, outlandish risks with it either; this isn’t any more of a deviation from the tonal norm for these movies than, say, Winter Soldier. It’s got flaws to be sure: a couple characters don’t get the time and development they probably deserve (especially Zendaya’s Michelle, who it feels like the writers wanted to invest with a little more of a sense of character development by the end than she’d been given), the plot definitely isn’t as tight as it could be, and the music’s nowhere near as good as the trailers and early parts of the movie would have you think. But it’s a damn fun and funny movie with a lot of heart and palpable stakes, anchored by a take on its hero that, rather than going for a more generic “goofy savior” cartoon-style version I was expecting, ends up pretty heavily and thankfully indebted to Brian Bendis’ original run on Ultimate Spider-Man. It’s a Spider-Man who really does always want to do the right thing and doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but at the same time he’s shortsighted as hell and driven by a boundless need to prove himself for the sake of both spite and a hope of acceptance, mixed with low-grade resentment of his circumstances that gives him just enough of an edge to feel like an actual teenager. Left without the option of talking about his sense of responsibility in terms of guilt, the filmmakers wisely chose to instead blur the line between where his sense of heroism ends and his self-interest begins and ask how far he’s really willing to go in favor of the former, and what kind of strength there actually is in him when it truly comes down to it after a whole movie’s worth of him essentially treating superheroism as an after-school gig.

Speaking of him as a teenager, boy all the high school stuff was great in this one. Maguire and Garfield both paid lip-service to that material as a necessary component of his youth, but speaking as someone only a few years out of those days, this absolutely felt authentic. The crappy announcements, the deliberately weird kids who clearly think they’re better than everyone else, the assholes, no one really knowing yet how to keep themselves in check emotionally, the low stakes that are still at that point the most important thing in your world - even the physical classrooms felt real (I got some serious nostalgia seeing those stacked chairs in the visibly repurposed music room, or the gigantic hall pass). It’s as petty and small-scale as Peter’s time as Spider-Man largely is, and therefore can integrate into the plot as an important part of what’s going on far more easily than ever before, even aside from being the source of a ton of excellent bit players like the teacher in charge of the debate team. The larger characters by and large do just fine too; Tomei’s warm and funny as May, Harrier does a solid job as Liz Allen (especially considering that while she’s the love interest and ends up pretty important plot-wise, they never cheap out try and position her as some true love figure when she and Peter barely know each other), Batalon is fun as hell as Not Technically Ganke, Zendaya steals her scenes even if I get the impression there might have been some meatier work left on the cutting-room floor, Downey is Downey, Favreau as Happy Hogan does a great job essentially taking Jolly Jonah Jameson’s place as the dickish, unreasonable authority figure in Peter’s life, and Keaton is scary as hell with just enough screwed-over “how dare you take what I’ve earned” resentment in the vein of many of USM’s better villains to make him feel like a real guy. And you saw Civil War, you already know Holland’s basically perfect.

There’s a dozen other bits I’d love to go into - like how much mileage they pull out of him not operating in Manhattan proper, or how well the seemingly out-of-place tech actually ends up working, or any number of great moments - but I’d prefer to keep this largely spoiler-free. Suffice it to say that the trailers, which already indicated a pretty decent time at the theater, were misleading: as much as they showed they really did leave a lot of the best out, and what they kept generally works far better in context. To be sure there’s room for improvement in the next one, but this was a far better reintroduction and recontextualization of the character than anyone had any right to expect, and it absolutely does the heavy legwork of setting him up as an engaging figure for the MCU to believably end up pivoting around in years and movies to come. Upper-tier Marvel to be sure; somehow they did the impossible and managed to actually earn a title that brazenly cheeky as hell. Sony, for once you made the right call with Spider-Man: stop thinking you have good ideas and let the grown-ups handle things from here.

[discoveringmattdevine]

Character Questionnaire

Personal Details

What is your name? Shōtaro Toei

Where were you born? I was born in Kōbe, Japan, but my family moved to Tsukuba when I was nine years old.

When were you born? New Years Eve.

Where do you live? Objectively speaking, I am homeless in Tōkyō. But I often crash on my friends’ couch or floor.

What type of home do you have? My friends’ apartment isn’t terribly large, but it’s a roof that I can sleep under and that is more than enough.

How do you dress? Loose clothing, with some holes that need patching from a myriad of places. Wearing such worn out clothes also doesn’t draw too much attention to myself.

Where do you shop? Small corner stores, for simple things like food.

Do you have any family? Tell us about them. My mom and dad still live in Tsukuba, unaware that I am homeless. There are distant relatives I loosely recall, but have not spoken to in years. If my situation weren’t so complicated, I would reach out to them.

Do you have friends? Tell us about them. I have friends that I’m not on good terms with at the moment.

But, I’ve found friends that understand my situation that I get help from, Hana and Souji.

Do you have a job? Tell us about it, or why you don’t. I was the leader of Battle Japan!, a band of crime fighters that kept Japan, and on occasion the world at large, safe from those who wish it harm. But after an incident that cost the lives of many, I was framed as the orchestrator, and forced to flee or be unjustly tried by my own team and government. Now, my main directive is clearing my name and bringing the truth forward.  

How many hours of sleep do you get per night? On average I get between 6 and 8. Rest is important to have the energy to clear my name.

Where do you sleep? On Souji and Hana’s couch.

What is your favorite beverage? Elaborate. I have an affinity for coconut milk, though I wouldn’t be able to tell you why.

What is your favorite food? Elaborate. My favorite food of all time is okonomiyaki, as it satiates my sweet tooth. It’s what I eat on my cheat days.

What is your favorite book or movie? Describe it, and why you love it. ( can be completely fictional) My favorite film is Dracula, the Bela Lugosi version. I love the cinematography, considering it’s time. 

What is your favorite music? I’m a fan of a lot of music, but my favorites are punk rock, classical guitar, and jazz.

Do you like to dance? Why / why not? I do like to dance, though I’m not prone to do it often because I have two left feet.

Do you have any hidden talents? Special abilities? I’m incredibly strong, and half of my brain is a computer. That is not a way of saying I’m smart–– The right side of my brain is literally a computer, after a failed transplant almost cost me my life.

Are you tech savvy? Yes, to most modern technologies.

What do you treasure? The people that I love, and good food.

What do you take for granted? The spotlight, it would seem.

What are your fears? Being forgotten and letting injustice’s persist.

What are your hobbies? Writing and reading, particularly noir mystery novels. 

Do you have a passion? Heroism, nearing the point of addiction.

Are you a leader? Follower? Organizer? Maker? Etc? I’m a leader, more than anything else.

Do you need the latest and greatest? No.

How often do you bathe? Once every two days, minimum. Cleanliness is very important to me.

Do you have any pets? I once had a cat named Yuki (雪).

CREATE AND ANSWER 5 OF YOUR OWN QUESTIONS.ABOUT PERSONAL DETAILS

Are you in a relationship? I am not.

Who do you look up to? My favorite superhero as a child, Kabuman. A strong crime fighter infused with the DNA of a kabuto beetle.

Did/do you go to school? I finished high school and two years of college, but once I joined Battle Japan!, I had too little time to continue.

What did you want to be when you grow up? I wanted to be a movie star in America.

Where do you go to relieve stress? Typically, I find a gym. Or a bar, depending on the kind of stress.

Beliefs

Do you believe in fortune telling? Not particularly, though my mind can be changed.

Do you believe in a higher power? Yes, but I don’t practice too strongly.

Do you believe in science? Very much so. Science is what brought Battle Japan! together in the first place.

Do you believe in justice? Yes, in the hands of the right people.

Do you believe in aliens? Yes. Battle Japan! and I have encountered many in our careers.

Do you believe in ghosts? I don’t want to talk about it.

CREATE AND ANSWER 5 OF YOUR OWN QUESTIONS.ABOUT BELIEFS

Do you believe in good and evil? In the abstract, yes. But I don’t think that good or evil is something inherent like it is often made out to be.

Where do you think we go when we die? In an ideal world, heaven. But I don’t know enough to speak with any certainty.

How do you believe people can find peace? Through kindness, and acceptance.

Do you believe in time travel? I’ve seen it in practice once or twice. Very jarring.

Do you believe in politicians? Not even as far as I can throw them (which is fairly far).

Situations

If someone gives you credit for something that you didn’t do, how would you respond? I might refuse, depending on the deed that’s been done. That said, I won’t shy away from kind words spoken of me if someone simply doesn’t want the attention.

If given a task to complete, what is your strategy? Take all variables into account, map out who is going to handle which parts of the task, and organize the team accordingly.

If you are attacked by a mob of robots, how would you respond? I might engage with them for the practice, but I don’t like the idea of being outnumbered.

If you were transported back to the time of the dinosaurs, in a cave, with access to fresh water, what would be the first thing that you would do, and how well would you survive? First things first, I would suppress the rising panic amassing in my chest. Then, I would scout my surroundings beyond the cave to get a stronger idea of where I am. Some time after that, I would likely die from exposure to a long-extinct disease that my body would not be vaccinated against.

If you were granted a single wish, what would it be and what would you do next? I would wish for my name to be cleared and exonerated, or to know who set me up.

If you were walking down the street and saw someone who needed help, how would you respond? I would come to their aid, albeit warily, in case they are someone from the government who would arrest me.

Describe your ideal Friday night. Putting on my gloves and mask, springing into action with my team, my family, and keeping the world safe. Either that, or karaoke with them instead.

CREATE AND ANSWER 5 OF YOUR OWN QUESTIONS.ABOUT SPECIFIC SITUATIONS

If you woke up with robotic enhancements, how would you react? I had a friend that this happened to once. Left me with the heebie jeebies.

What is your ideal future? Having a family in a world that no longer needs saving.

You’re told that you have months left to live. What do you do with your time? Make the most of it by doing the best I can by everyone. But also, perhaps live more selfishly. You can’t take it with you, as they say. 

How would you react to being told that you are the new president? Resign immediately.

What are your plans for when you retire? Find somewhere quiet and sunny, live in peace. All the while keeping my ear to the ground in case the world needs me again.

[morkaischosen]

Some thoughts on Princess Fusilli as a miraculous character! Focusing on the arc-colours I thought she’d fit, mostly.

Let’s look at Knight Arcs first.

Allegory changes her a lot; she turns into a reincarnation or reawakening of an ancient mythic rat hero, like King Arthur or Jupiter Jones. Definitely on-theme, though! Her Role is Rat Princess (or later King or Queen), and her Failing is (Swashbuckling) Heroism. Her Truth will depend on game setup, but might be to do with defeating a monster, negotiating an important peace, or being found in a long-sealed cave and adopted by the Rat King. 

The powers mostly just fit. Wonder-Worker applies when she’s acting with royal authority; as a rat of rats, she can scamper anywhere through hidden ways; bring out the heroism within people; and awaken the world around her for a musical number. Stolen Form feels a bit odd, but we’ll deal. 

I suspect her miraculous weapon is a rifle so accurate it can hit precisely what you want to hit and nothing else, perhaps even metaphorically - the ability to aim a bullet to hit the connection between a possessing spirit and somebody’s head seems appropriate for the Elegant Rifle Princess. 

Her Taboo probably reinforces the formal role of a Princess - maybe she must give an audience to people who request one with the appropriate formalities, and is bound not to harm them while they continue to adhere to good etiquette. 

Become Somebody does a similar thing, but focuses more on the tension between the freedom of Adventure! and the responsibilities of a princess. Matching this theme, it feels a little more tense, a touch darker - Commanding Aura, in particular, sits in an uncomfortable place for a Rat, forcing people to conform to her story rather than simply bringing them into it. I almost feel this fits better for a Fusilli who’s at risk of that inner tension turning her into a Mystery, especially as the unpleasant side of Commanding Aura is so in tune with the tension between her Role and Failing here. 

Knave of Hearts, by contrast, feels like it works best as turning Princess Fusilli into a spirit of Adventure and Heroism, bringing people into a heroic tale. Could be fun! It’s not an arc I’ve ever got into my head that well, though - I always feel it seems to fit better as a Storyteller arc, since its whole focus seems to be on bringing others into the drama of your life rather than growing into that role yourself. 

Speaking of Storyteller Arcs! 

Creature of the Light has an interesting feel here. Fusilli appearing and disappearing through her connections, entrancing the eye with her beautiful Formal Arts, and bringing up long-forgotten memories does work, but I feel like it pushes towards a numinous, almost impersonal style - more spiritual presence than dashing hero. I could imagine her being played and ending up in a place where that made sense, but I don’t think it’s the core of what she’s about. 

Creature of Fable feels more like her sort of drama. Between the Boundaries lets her get things done by courtly intrigue or by being well-known as an envoy of the Rat King between scenes; she always looks elegant and stylish; she gets Superior Hunter to add another weapon to her arsenal of adventure, and one that covers a lot of ground the skills I gave her miss. Cut the Soul is, I think, an ancient ratly art for fighting Mysteries, allowing the greatest heroes to deny their foe-gods their powers even as the Mysteries by their nature attempt to deny ratness. The rest of the powers don’t feel quite so appropriate to me as things the Princess does but I do like them as author-stance tools for her player to shape the story - “aha, you thought that was Princess Fusilli you were fighting, but in fact it was your friend!” - but I could see it framed as an extension of those ratly mystery-fighting arts; the best way to avoid the Mysteries absorbing you into their context is to master the secrets that make you the author of the world’s story, so that you can be sure of having Drama, Adventure, Individuality and all the rest of what makes you a Rat. Again, this moves into a somewhat darker space; she can use these secret mysteries to manipulate the emotional truths of those around her, so I’d only go to Creature of Fable 2+ with the “Princess Fusilli gets miraculous author powers” framing if that was space I wanted to explore. 

Creature of Delirium… really doesn’t feel appropriate. Don’t think I’m going to waste my time. 

Onto Aspect, then! 

The Ace. Yes. Next question. 

Chosen One… I’m unconvinced; she’d basically need a full rewrite onto a more magical princess angle. Doable, but not where I want to take this. 

Reality Syndrome also doesn’t feel that appropriate to me; I think the closest I’d get is a kind of Dramatic Appropriateness Aura, and honestly Knave and Fable both handle that much better. It could probably be done but I don’t see a reason to try. 

While I didn’t consider Bindings as a starting arc for her, it does also seem like a good fit - she’s a bridge between the normal world and the Court of the Rat King, and of course to the world of Adventure and Mysteries - so I’ll look at those next. 

Gatekeeper is the story of Princess Fusilli’s role as a priest of the Mystery cult - which, as with everything else in rat religion, means fighting them. It gives her deep understanding of the Mysteries and allows her to trap them and their servants and draw on them for power. This feels like a pretty major statement about the setting, so use with care, but it also feels damn cool. I’m a sucker for a bit of religion in my RP and elegant rifle-wielding princess-priest defeating monster-gods and then wielding their power is one of the most incredibly awesome images I have ever seen. Yes please. 

Precise details depend too much on the exact Mysteries in play, the relationship of the Rats with them, and so on, so I’m not going to work on that too much more, but I’d definitely play this.

 (Shout-out to Oblivious as a fantastic extra bit of princess drama!)

 Princess Fusilli is one of the best Gatecrasher characters I’ve looked at. The world of the Rats feels tailor-made to be a Gatecrasher’s Hidden World - it’s alongside and throughout Fortitude (and the Far Roofs) but most people don’t really know what goes on behind the rat-sized doors.

 Her Speciality is Superior Princess. HELL YES.

 This gives her an Understanding of etiquette, diplomacy and romance, I think; getting the heroic angle in would be cool but heroism might be so much a part of the Secret World of Rats that it’s better to keep that for other abilities.

 Mind over Body is mostly really good makeup and it being impolite to bleed on the carpet; and of course everyone in the heroic world of the Rats can do things like climb walls, burst through windows at dramatically appropriate moments, and so on.

 Her plot devices certainly include diplomatic and social contacts, but I also like the idea of her having devices from the Three Formal Arts - a dance that entrances the eye or changes the weather, a formal plea for an audience that always grants a half-hour’s safe passage, or a rapier technique that can cut away a magical curse, perhaps.

 The last few abilities scale things up so that her princess-heroism is so princess-heroic she can work on the miraculous level more directly, which feels appropriate and excitingly flexible!

 Wounded Angel, by contrast, isn’t so much her style. Maybe an upsetting AU version, but I can’t be bothered putting the time into that one right now.

 Scanning over the other arcs, Impresario might be fun but feels like it puts too much focus on other people doing things; Indomitable looks amusing but not actually her style; and the rest don’t inspire me, so I’m pretty happy this is where I’m going with the Hypothetical Miraculous Princess Fusilli.

 No close matches on canon people-types, really; she’s not far off the hypothetical Zu but that’s on Light, not Fable, which was much less inspiring. Warmain Princess Fusilli also sooooooort of fits off the arcs but it’s a bit odd.

 Based on level of HELL YEAH I think I’d go Allegory, Creature of Fable, The Ace and Gatecrasher as pseudocanonical options, but with a well-disposed HG I’d be looking interestedly at Gatekeeper because of the whole mysteries-as-religion angle there. I think Creature of Fable 1 and Gatecrasher 2 would be where I’d put the default-ish Princess Fusilli, as that focuses in on the dashingly heroic rat-princess themes; Allegory brings in a reincarnation-y plot arc, while the Ace makes her super cool but doesn’t feel like it adds as much flavour, and Gatekeeper puts a very different twist on her social role.

 This has been a whole lot of entertaining thinking, and thoughts on this are very welcome, especially if someone’s inspired enough by my ideas to actually want to play this character!

[byakurenbreak]

Those who have known me for long enough already know how much I ADORE Vocaloid and the amazing Portal 2 fanfic, Blue Sky by the very talented @waffleguppies (read it here if you haven’t already!) So I decided to make a little playlist of Vocaloid songs that fit certain parts of the story. Feel free to have a listen, and perhaps drown in the feels with me!

Song list below the cut!

1. EZFG feat. VY1 - Cyber Thunder Cider - “There was no alternative. She needed her.”

2. SEDO Sounder feat. MAYU - I Can Only Hear the Sound of Tears - “That’s what I need. A proper conversation would be absolutely amazing right now.”

3. Neru feat. Kagamine Rin - Lost One’s Weeping -  "Do you know what I learned? Perspective. You taught me that no matter how bad things are, no matter how unfair life seems to be, no matter how small and pathetic you feel, there's always someone even smaller and more pathetic than you.”

4. Hario feat. Kasane Teto - Typewriter - “Chell returned her part of the ritual -  a smile and a covered crate of her own”

5. Kikuo feat. Hatsune Miku - Hikari Yo - “Just- please come and get me. Please. I am quite literally begging you. On my knees. Figure of speech, obviously, if I had knees, I'd be on them.”

6. DECO*27 feat. Gumi - Mozaik Role - “It’s you! It’s you, you came back!”

7. Giga-p x Crusher-p feat. Hatsune Miku and Gumi English - Hibikase x ECHO Mashup - “ The avatar the system had picked for him was in its- his- mid-thirties, thin, gangling, and not nearly as well-groomed as the presentation model. He had a face like a hare caught in the headlights of an articulated truck, all goggly eyes overmagnified behind thick-framed glasses, and his generous allocation of mouth was stretched in a wide grin.”

8. Denpol-P feat Hatsune Miku - Hitorinbo Envy -  "All I wanted to do was to make everything better for me!" He was almost shouting, now. Not really at her, so much- more at himself, at the part of himself that was unable to shut out the look in those hurt tired human eyes of hers. "And I did, I did it, I'm here, aren't I? I'm so close! I bloody deserve this!"

9. Nantoka-P feat. Hatsune Miku - Love Love Nightmare - “You’re not a good person, you know that, right? Good people don’t end up here.”

10. 164 feat. MAYU - Ama no Jaku - “Ever heard of ‘three strikes and you’re out’?”

11. Ryo feat. Hatsune Miku - Melt - “He stood up to get another fork, glanced absently over the partition in the direction of the photocopier- -and fell helplessly, hopelessly, in love.”

12. Giga-p feat. Kagamine Rin and Kagamine Len - Childish War - “You bloody used me!”

13. Sasakure.UK feat. Kasane Teto - Nekosogi Matter Bop - “Soon as I get her working, you’ll find out. She’s going to put Eaden on the map.”

14. Honeyworks feat. Kagamine Rin and Kagamine Len - Suki, Kirai  - “Nice straight corridor, no pits, no turrets, just lots of handy portal surfaces if we need ‘em.”

15. Junky feat. Kagamine Rin - Sweet Magic - “We... are making bread.”

16. Hachi feat. Gumi - Donut Hole - “Is... your holding my head going to help me remember?”

17. Yukke feat. Gumi - Transient Apple Salesgirl - “So yes, that’s basically what I’m asking. You, me, some sort of place that isn’t in here. Thoughts?”

18. EZFG feat. VY2 and VY1 - Hurting for a Very Hurtful Pain - “It’s not fair, it’s not FAIR! They told me I was- they- they gave me a sticker!”

19. Mitchie M feat. Hatsune Miku - Freely Tomorrow - “It’s perfect, Wheatley! You did it! IT WORKS! SHE WORKS!”

20. Agoaniki-P feat. Megurine Luka - Double Lariat - "Hey- ding, that's a thought; music, legs, since we're here and everything- would you- would you like to dance? With- with me?"

21. Jin feat. IA - Outer Science - "Be careful out there. This is not a standard test. I'm not kidding, there are a lot of potential hazards."

22. Kurosawa Madoka feat. Kagamine Rin - Giga Cartoon Witch - "Orange let out a high-pitched little screech of celebration and went into a quick, hippy sort of touch-up shuffle, making the cut-and-shut construction on its back clank and slosh. Blue twisted its torso in a stiff-jointed moonwalking shimmy. The two of them high-fived with a hard metal-on-metal clack, then jogged towards the single, blinking red light."

23. Creep-P feat. Hatsune Miku English - Cotton Candy - "You're not human."

24. Maki feat. Gumi - Flower of Blood - "I'm going to be honest. You're good at this. That's not a compliment, by the way, it's just a statistical observation."

25. DECO*27 feat. Hatsune Miku - Ghost Rule - "That's- that's fine by me, Fox." His voice might have been a little on the shaky side, small and quivery and not exactly the epitome of dauntless heroism he would have liked it to be, but at least it sounded sincere. "Do it."

26. Kurage-P feat. Yuzuki Yukari - Chururira Chururira Daddadda - "Hey, hey, whoah-whoah-whoah, keep your knickers on, who said anything about controlling your facility? Did I say I wanted to control your facility? No way, ha, nonono, that's aaall yours. Wouldn't touch it with a bargepole, if I'm honest. Not after that whole utter bloody shambles we ended up in last time, ohohoh, no, not if you paid me. Incidentally, that little corridor you've got her in down there, bit sort of stuffy, isn't it? Not exactly showing your full hand there, are you, in terms of interior design- ooh! I know! Why don't you give her a bit more breathing space?"

27. Cosmo@Bousou-P feat. Hatsune Miku - The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku - "...Give up. Alright? Do that for me? You're- you're safe, and- and I..."

28. Shikemoku feat. Gumi and Hatsune Miku - Hocus Pocus - "That's right! Some people are just... oh, boy, they're one in a million, they're so bright, so brilliant- you watch them doing what they were born for, and oh, they just light up like stars. They can take on the whole world. But they still need you by their side, just being good old you. Yes, sir! I'm always happy to help a helper."

29. Dios/Signal-P feat. Gumi - Aitai - "It was somewhere in the middle of this- right bang in the middle of their very first, gloriously fiddly, uncertain, awkward, amazing kiss- that the full meaning of what Chell had just, actually, said finally slammed into Wheatley's battered, overloaded mind. It was a toss-up as to which factor did it- the kiss or the words- but it was probably a combination of both."

BONUS SONGS

30. Jimmy Thumb-P feat. Hatsune Miku, Megurine Luka, Sasumi Zimi - Re_boot - Wheatley Stinks

31. Furukawa-P feat. Hatsune Miku - Alice - “ Somewhere else, somewhere else entirely- far beyond Her reach, miles beyond the range of Her vision- a young woman (barefoot, her dark hair escaping from a ponytail, her face both slightly mischievous and strikingly content) tugged her stumbling, uncomplaining, mad-grinning companion (ludicrously tall, really, and drowning in a rough-knit sky-blue sweater) along a long path worn in the knee-high cricket-humming meadowgrass.”

32. Nanou feat. Hatsune Miku - Hello/How Are You? - That’s a No, Then

33. Doriko feat. Hatsune Miku - Romeo and Cinderella - The Itch

34. DECO*27 feat. Hatsune Miku - Two Breaths Walking - The Kick

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: My Hero Academia

After a long delay, today I'm finally crossing another show off the list of "things a lot of my friends seem to be into and probably assume I also already watch".  Let's go further beyond to invade North Africa and colonize the Americas become heroes with...

My Hero Academia (2016).

Episodes watched: 3

Platform: VRV

"Before we knew it, the supernatural became normal, and dreams became reality.  The world has become a superhuman society, and about 80% of the world's population now has some kind of special trait."  And it shows.  In the world of this show, although most people have superpowers —or, excuse me, "quirks" — few are actually superheroes or villains, and those who are are celebrities — and also casualties of how mundane this all has become already, judging by the line about someone using their quirk for petty thievery being "the incarnation of evil".  I already expect from the first few scenes of the first episode that this is going to be a highly genre-savvy show, steeped in the absurdities of the superhero genre and its implications.  Okay okay.  This is not the kind of thing that usually gets my attention.  Even though I do kind of like superheroes as a concept, I don't usually seek them out because I'm not the kind of person who truly appreciates The Fight Scene or The Tournament Arc as story elements, and I assume the show is going to prominently feature both just based on its premise.  But you know what?  I like One Punch Man, which is also a Japanese take on American superheroes, and I know enough people who are fans of this whose taste I trust that I'll finally give it a try.

Our main character is Izuku, who has long been devastated by learning as a small child that he has no quirk.  He and his childhood rival and/or friend Bakugo, whose quirk is literal explosions, both aspire to get into UA, an elite high school for superheroes.  By chance, Izuku gets saved by his idol, the absurdly American top-rated hero, All Might, and soon learns that the hero suffered a secret injury that limits his ability to be an effective hero.  He advises Izuku against trying to become a hero, since even with a quirk — indeed, even as the world’s most acclaimed hero — the job is horribly difficult and dangerous, but that it's still good to have dreams.  But when the same monster All Might just saved Izuku from attacks Bakugo too, Izuku rushes to join the heroes who have already responded to the scene.  He almost very slightly helps, and when the fight is over, he is scolded for trying to be helpful while Bakugo is told he could be "an excellent sidekick"... comments that are patronizing and make sense in universe.  Of course we should expect that, especially after several generations, people with quirks would treat those without as helpless, and of course despite quirks (or maybe even because of the additional responsibility of having and using them) our teenage main characters aren't taken seriously.  But privately, All Might tells Izuku this his reckless behavior the other heroes scold is proof that he can become a hero without a quirk.  What heroes have in common in their origins, he says, is that "their bodies moved before they had a chance to think".  And I have to give the show points for understanding that instead of portraying heroism as some kind of Great Moral Choice.

All Might makes a surprising offer to help Izuku obtain a quirk (something it's not commonly known is even possible).  And so they go to Dagoba to prepare.  No, really, the sign says "Dagoba Municipal Beach Park".  All Might accordingly takes on the Yoda role to Izuku's Luke by being kind of obnoxious and giving him tasks whose relevance is not clear at first.  The quirk Izuku is training to receive, called "one for all", is All Might's own quirk, and it gives the person it's conferred upon the combined physical strength of all of the past people to have it.  As long as you're sufficiently muscular to handle it, anyway, hence the training.  Anyway, over the course of an episode that's pretty much entirely a training montage, Izuku meets the exhausting requirements for workout, studying, and diet, and All Might confers the quirk to him (and hey, his hair didn't even fall out from over-exercising!).  I have a hunch that the "one for all" quirk is going to turn out to be a "magic feather", but I'm also pretty frequently wrong when trying to guess the direction any story will go.

As I leave off here, Izuku is about to take the physical part of the entrance exam to UA, consisting of fighting simulated villains, and he is easily the most visibly excited to be there, contrasting with a gallery of Very Serious applicants.  It doesn't feel like a great place to end to actually fairly evaluate the show, but based on the titles of the next several episodes, this may be as convenient a place as any to pause, because it looks like the application ordeal is going to be a decent-sized story arc of its own, or maybe the entire remainder of the season.  That could be fascinating or it could be a drag, there’s no way to know in advance.  But I’m interested, so I'll definitely watch the rest of the season to see how it goes.

-----

W/A/S: 2 / 1 / 4

Weeb: Another example of "not so much weeb as general nerd".  Although it is very clearly a Japanese comedy, there are many homages to the style and content of American superhero comics.  And, for some reason, Star Wars references.

Ass: Mt. Lady sure seems to think there's supposed to be ass in her intro scene, but giants are not my kink, and the show seems tame otherwise.

Shit (writing): This show is very silly and I am enjoying it a lot so far.  Not remarkable, but certainly not bad.  It's kind of cheesy in the ways you'd probably expect from both American superhero media and other Japanese comedies.  The serious moments also fit in and hit without being too over the top.  Each episode ends in... not exactly a cliffhanger, but an obvious transition to the next episode, which makes it seem like it's written with binge-watching in mind, but it's not quite engaging enough to be one of the few shows I can binge-watch.

Shit (other): This show has quite a lot of limited animation — only a single character or object moving, using panning or motion lines instead of moving elements within the frame — but handles it well.  It didn't bother me except for the occasional shot of motionless background crowds.  There's the occasional off-model expression or dumb-looking shot during an action sequence that looks like sloppiness rather than comedic effect, but the animation is generally successfully expressive.  The opening is underwhelming as mostly a gallery of rapidly-shown still images of the large ensemble cast still yet to be introduced, but I like the music.  It's overall neither bad nor a standout.

Content: Nothing in particular.  Less realistic and/or horrifying violence than I'd expect from a lot of contemporary American superhero material.

-----

Stray observations:

- Bakuhatsu, Bakugo... ah, I see we're following the proud American superhero comic tradition of names related to powers or super identities here.

- I love that even unnamed and background characters got some amount of design to them — not just generic-looking crowd people, but crowd people who clearly have external signs of having some sort of quirk.  It reminds you that we are indeed in a world where the wide variety of superpowers are considered normal.

- Izuku is firmly establishing a tendency towards fanboying and mumbling to himself about what/how he could do.  As a fellow nerd who often feels like my more-accomplished friends have unattainable talents, and who frequently talks out loud through to-do lists, it's relatable and endearing.

- And with that, I’m off to The Great New York State Fair.  See you next month, nerds!

[givencontext]

Desired Things

Many years ago, someone gave my grandparents a framed poster of the Desiderata. I don’t know who that was, and I don’t know why they decided to give this particular gift, but that person had a profound impact on me. This poster hung in my grandparents’ living room above their TV for as long as I can remember. Their TV wasn’t very big and they didn’t have many channels, so I spent a lot of time staring at the Desiderata over the years.

When Gramps passed away a few years ago, I went with my dad and uncle to help clear his assisted living apartment. I thought there would be a lot of people clamoring for this piece and asked if anyone had asked for it. My uncle told me, “it’s yours.” Now this framed Desiderata hangs on my bedroom wall. Some days it goes unnoticed, as I’m sure it did many days for Gramps & Granny. Then there are the days when a word or phrase leaps out to catch my attention. It’s always exactly what I need to hear in that moment: speak your truth, enjoy, be yourself, be gentle, be at peace, it is still a beautiful world… you have a right to be here.

Given Context

I would like to do a modified version of a close reading of this text. Instead of talking about what the text means, I would like to talk about what it means to me.

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable. I talk a lot, and I have a story for everything. Sometimes I need this reminder that if I want to “go placidly” it’s okay to just let all of the stories go and give it a rest. This reminds me that I can be amid that noise and haste but not be part of it. A few years ago, I took this challenge and decided to remove the word “busy” from my vocabulary. The world is a hectic place, and I always have a lot on my calendar, but I try to focus on one thing at a time and show up wherever I am. I think my refusal to buy into the “busyness as status” trend stems from reading this first sentence of the Desiderata again and again.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

The important part for me here is “without surrender.” This means not to compromise myself or my values just to get along. I spend most of my time on good terms with people. I can get along with almost anyone. There’s an expression that says you have to go along to get along. I don’t think that’s true. I can be friendly and respectful without surrendering my values.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

This is my least favorite sentence in this text. Don’t tell me to be quiet, and don’t call people dull and ignorant. Everyone does have their story, including Max Ehrmann, the author who wrote this and chose those unfortunate words for some reason. I may have spent more time staring at those words, “dull and ignorant,” than at any other phrase on this poster. Whoever you would normally dismiss and ignore, listen to them. If you think you already have someone’s story figured out, chill out a sec and listen to them. Speak your own truth, but don’t forget to listen when others speak theirs.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.

I can be loud, aggressive, and vexatious to the spirit. Mr. Ehrmann would avoid me, especially in the morning. So I can love the Desiderata without loving everything about it. I can also acknowledge that sometimes I might be vexing the heck out of some people. Usually when I feel irritated and defensive about this line, I go back to the first one and remind myself that it is okay to balance vexing with peacing out. One of my core values is Balance, so I try to spend some time in both loud and quiet modes. Admittedly, there are a few people that I avoid. (I am sure you’re not one of them.)

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

This is good advice, and maybe it should be obvious. Maybe a lot of the Desiderata should be obvious, but I like reading it repeatedly nevertheless. Of course there are people that rank as greater and lesser than me on every metric. That could make me feel bad or good, and that’s the trap. It’s not about the values and metrics themselves, it’s about the emotion that we assign them. 10 is greater than 5, so that’s good, right? Unless we are talking about the number of ants in your pants, then 5 might sound better. Most of the ways we are comparing ourselves to others are just as arbitrary. Someone has a nicer car, but they might also have more debt. Someone might have more debt, but maybe they have been more places and had more fun. Do your best not to compare.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

This is a novel idea, and I love it. My brain and personality love to prioritize the process over the results. In another mathematical comparison, I wrote the expression “Process > Result” on my dry erase board at work a long time ago. Achievements are easy to enjoy, and the enjoyment lasts about eight hours. Enjoy every step on the path of the plan that gets you there.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

How telling that this was written in 1927 and career insecurity made its way in. Is it reassuring for me to read that fortunes have been changing for nearly a hundred years? Not really. I’ve had some humble jobs. Some of them were easier to “keep interested” in than others. Some of the more boring jobs gave me avenues to accomplish other things. Some of the most humble jobs gave me immense appreciation for the kinds of work that have to be done. My current position is the opposite of humble, but I am still just a kid from Berryville who spent my summers bussing tables.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

People suck, but some people are alright. As Mr. Rogers would say, look for the helpers. When I read this I try to focus on the positive parts, but anyone who has ever tried to sell something on Craigslist knows all too well about the trickery. That’s why I have never tried to sell anything.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Another core value for me is Authenticity. I like to think I can be myself. Some areas of life that is easier than others, but I do my best. I am not good at feigning anything. My feelings tend to write themselves on my face. And yes, I have been cynical about love. I might still be. It’s good to know that stuff will keep showing up though.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Ouch! This one has been leaping out at me a lot recently. I always thought the counsel of the years meant listening to wisdom from someone else. Now I know it’s not about listening to what someone with more years has to tell me, it’s about listening to what my own years have to say. All 43 of them. They’ve seen things. They know things. Sometimes I forget, but they always know. Suffice it to say, I am still working on surrendering the things of youth. Outdated ideas and ideals can go, but nobody better lay a finger on the music, books, and movies of my youth. Isn’t never growing up supposed to be a benefit of being a Gen X’er? I’m pretty sure that’s right.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

This one wasn’t obvious. This one still blows my mind. Again, this was written in 1927. How did he know I was going to be neurotic and depressed? I mean, maybe it goes back to Balance, but as much as I try to nurture strength of spirit, I always seem to wind up with a whopping dose of dark imaginings. I think that’s pretty standard. We all do that. That’s how Max knew he needed to mention it. And we’ve learned from Gandhi and MLK Jr that the opposite of love is not hate but fear… now we learn that fear is born of fatigue and loneliness. As I have stared at this phrase over the years, I have asked myself how true that is. If I stare at it in those times when fear is gripping me, I find this statement to be absolutely true. When I see people motivated by fear, I remind myself this is really fatigue and loneliness. It is hard to be irritated with someone when you think of them as exhausted and lonely. At least for me it is.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

My current favorite statement in the Desiderata. My pal Max was ahead of his time. Current research shows that self-compassion is more important to well-being than self-confidence. I like the wholesome discipline part, and that has been a very helpful way to frame good habits and actions. It doesn’t let me completely off the hook, but the key message is to be gentle. Brilliant choice of words. Love it. Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

Did Max know that we are all made of star stuff? I think that’s newer science, but once again he nailed it. Can I blame Max for the fact that I claim the Universe as my higher power? Years of staring at a poster will do funny things to a soul. Did he have a certain audience in mind when he wrote this sentence? I hope not, because any person reading this has just as much right to be here as the next.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

I have seen people paraphrase this and wondered if they knew where it came from. This is important to me, because I like to know things. I like things to be clear. I have been trying to get comfortable with not knowing things for quite some time now, and I will keep trying. Even when it’s unclear, or when it feels like it’s clearly the opposite, I appreciate the reassurance that everything is going according to some larger plan. And again, my sources say the expanding universe evidence was first discussed a few years after Max published this text. Interesting.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

If my grandparents had this hanging up, and it gives me permission to conceive of god however I like, it must be okay, right? I honestly wonder if they ever read this, or if they felt obligated to hang it up, because it was a gift.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Many of my favorite works end where they began, and the Desiderata is no exception. Again we are urged to find peace amidst the noise. And was there ever a better way to describe the worst parts of life than “sham, drudgery, and broken dreams?” And it is still a beautiful world. Even now. Then I like the little admonitions to be cheerful and not to be happy, but to “strive” to be happy. It’s sort of like how Thomas Jefferson didn’t say we are entitled to happiness but the pursuit of it. I don’t like the word strive. I don’t want to struggle to be happy. I don’t mind working for it, but I would rather just open my arms and accept the happiness that is already available to me. So… I think this poster influenced me by simultaneously inspiring me and inciting my rebellious side.

Desiderata is By Max Ehrmann © 1927

Because I mentioned peacing out and can never say that without thinking about this shirt.

And because Leonard Nimoy did the Desiderata on his spoken word album.

Spock Thoughts

Is there a poster or other work that you spent hours staring at growing up that influenced you? Leave a comment below and let me know!

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[seanchou77]

Broken Prams

Death is the scariest thing you could dream about. For other people, it’s falling or being chased. But I hate dreaming about death. And I’ve dreamed of the worst kind - children dying, in the most violent ways. They get run over by trains or cars. I never see blood or their bodies properly. But there was one time when I saw a broken pram getting picked up from the side of the road and you could tell it was run over. It was goddamn awful.

Every beginning knows its own end. According to Sigmund Freud, without death, there wouldn’t be growth; the same growth principle which allows the organism to break out of the constancy principle must eventually resolve its ontological contradiction and die.

With that sentiment in mind, this essay will be discuss about death and what it means, inversely, for life. Discussions on death have taken place in a lot of quarters; while this essay will approach it through mainly a psychoanalytic lens, it will also borrow voices from philosophy and religion to add a more nuanced perspective.

Firstly, death is tied into long-held views about our mortality, impermanence and transitional status as human beings on earth. Whatever views we have on the after-life, it’s clear in our modern day, secular society such views do not hold traction for a lot of people.

Schopenhauer provides a modern perspective on death, through his transcendental metaphysical theory called, ‘will-and-representation’. Arthur Schopenhauer argued that everything in the world could be divided into subjects and objects, but that they were byproducts of an anonymous force called the ‘will’. This creates an active/passive binary, where ‘representations’ are byproducts of a ‘will’ which drives us as subjects; we feel this in our passions, desires and emotions.

As a result of will, we desire and suffer when our will is frustrated. Schopenhauer compared human beings to blind mole rats, digging underground without vision or directionality. This pointless suffering can drive us to despair, disappoint our expectations and leave our desires unfulfilled.

Schopenhauer argues instead we should accept the dissatisfaction of our will; instead of the temperamental and fickle nature of our will, we should accept pain as a constant and practise life through non-attachment. Only through aesthetic experience, in arts or music, could we temporarily transcend our direct experience of space and time towards a more perfect, timeless universe.

Schopenhauer must be understood for our next theoretical steps. To really understand Nietzsche’s work, he must be read in conversation with Schopenhauer. Friedrich Nietzsche followed Schopenhauer in his early 20s but then quickly abandoned him - he cried when he learned he had been living his youth like he was already old.

Nietzsche disagreed with Schopenhauer. He thought he was too pessimistic and neglected questions about power and self-transcendence. For Nietzsche, Schopenhauer was another example of a philosophical ascetic: self-denying the potential for human beings to live self-generative and flourishing lives through the will-to-power. According to Nietzsche then, our understanding of death shouldn’t be understood as just as certainty - this was true, as ‘God is dead’. But Nietzsche understood that it was a greater fault to live our lives as if we were already dead and deny our living potential; instead, we should embrace our heroic drives and attain the Superman status which exceeds previous horizons of outstanding achievement. Thus, through the transvaluation of all values, we can create new values.

The discussion between Schopenhauer and Nietzsche reveals several things about death. Firstly, we should be concerned about what it means for our phenomenological existence and selfhood; it can be self-defining and constructive of wider life missions. Furthermore, it could be understood as a self-transformative process, where the self achieves spiritual enlightenment (for Schopenhauer) or self-transcendence into Superman (for Nietzsche).

So far, the subject/object binary and notions of the self have been taken for granted.

Lacanian psychoanalysis can help to deconstruct these notions. Jean-Jacques Lacan introduced ‘mirror theory’ as a type of mimicry; Lacan argues that the self is introduced to the child during the ‘mirror stage’ between the age of six to 18 months, as an image or signifier which stabilises their notion of personal identity. The self therefore cannot be understood in isolation, but as a construct which must be stabilised within a wider language context of signified chains of meaning.

Julia Kristeva was interested in stages of child development prior to the mirror stage. Kristeva introduced the notion of the ‘semiotic’, of meaning as continuous, undemarcated and fluid - similar to the fluidity of a child being in the mother’s womb.

Both provide contrasting perspectives on death. Lacan argues that death should be accepted and internalised as the No-Thing; later on, Lacan replaced the ‘No-Thing’ with petit objet a (or the ‘object of desire’) and argued that jouissance helps us to overcome transitional, changing desires with permanent drive towards jouissance. For Lacan, drive is the horizon which already anticipates its death but envelops everything into a single plane.

Kristeva however suggests that death is one of many meaning-making exercises. We should be more interested in how the Other is constructed in opposition to the Self. The Self already recognises its death because it sees it in the Other and rejects the Other for that reason; the Abject Other suggests a fear of death is needed to stabilise a symbolic hierarchy of meaning. We could escape this instead by inverting, destabilising and playing with the meanings of things like death which would otherwise indicate notions of permanence and prescribe strict, disciplined action.

Lee Edelman helps us to understand how death can be queered. Death is an affront to heteronormative society, which builds a teleological narrative of families and future generations, who inherit what has been accumulated and preserved for the future. Edelman criticises the heteronormative assumptions of this narrative, which depend on the bio-power, reproductive force of straight, monogamous couples to perpetuate their lifestyles, at the exclusion and Otherising of alternative queer relationships.

Queer experience and identity can be constructed on alternative readings of death. Instead of death fitting into a linear timeline of marriage and having children, queerness means to explore alternative metonymies which can frame our identity: our creative pursuits can be our most powerful voices, but to also fundamentally retain our critical engagement skills to critique a heteronormative society which systematically excludes or assimilates us. Like Adonis, we are born through cycles of life and death and know no generation to inherit our legacy onto; our stories are tragic and beautiful.

But we could find an alternative understanding of death without pandering to pessimism. An an analogy in psychoanalysis on death runs like this: death is the bones which frames the flesh it upholds; without the hardness of death, our lives are supple, docile and lack self-definition.

Ernest Becker discusses this in his thoughts on heroism, as response to (and denial of) death. Becker argues for the need for genuine heroism where the individual is led, through self-acceptance and non-attachment, to accepting the reality of death but feeling inspired by the awe and opportunity of living even temporarily in the wide expanse of the universe and the mystery of the cosmos. We are not driven by the conformity of cultural heroism or the excess of personal heroism, but simultaneously humbled and driven to make the most of our time here.

Thus, this essay has touched on multiple perspectives on death. We could understand it as an elaboration of contradictions in our phenomenological experience; as a semiotic interplay between semantic systems of meaning; contrast desires and drives which arise from death; which lead ultimately to maturity, spiritual enlightenment and acceptance which opens our abilities to self-flourish and be responsible towards others.

***

I’ve had moments when I’ve been too scared to say anything or do anything.

I just feel so self-conscious, like my face is burning and my palms creasing with sweat.

I feel like I’m always being judged and I’m scared I won’t be good enough. It’s moments like that when I don’t want to do anything at all; I just want to feel invisible and hide. Maybe it’s because it feels like I’ve already died inside. Everything now is just the excess you want to scrap off your plate and pretend you never asked for. Actually, I didn’t ask for any of this.

I want to escape from all my responsibilities.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 4X04 - The Apprentice

Apprentice? More like Apprent-ICE, am I right?!

...Yeah, that’s all I got. Unfortunately, be warned because it’s not a fun time here today, so strap yourself in and join me under the cut.

Main Takeaways

Past

Gotta say, I love how the writers had the balls to say that the reason Anna and Elsa’s parents went away was to find a more permanent solution for Elsa. Was it the right thing to do? Whether you think it was or not, just the fact that they implied that was heavy.

I love that scream when Rumple gets his dagger back. Seeing how much he hates it is so effective and had he not been the undeniable villain of the episode and more specifically the segment, it might have done more to reapply sympathy to him and allow for a really effective display about why being cleaved of the dagger means so much to Rumple.

So, as a warning, I get pretty angry at the present segment of this episode and to remember that this segment of it exists was like a breath of fresh air. Anna and Rumple have consistent characterization and even throughout all of the twists and turns of this episode, those characterizations are never lost. Because of that, the story is far more powerful in delivering something cohesive and entertaining. Sometimes, for as simple as a story is, that’s what makes it something truly good. The latte segment tries to be all over the place and as I’ll go over shortly, fails so hard because of it.

Present

This episode...was never one I liked. For a while, I found it simply difficult to watch because well...I like Killian. Like with seeing his lips cursed in the last season or seeing Henry turn against Emma in the one before, it’s an action that made complete sense to me from a narrative perspective, but is nonetheless hard to watch and for some reason, this one is harder for me to watch than either of the others.

And after rewatching it, I kind of understand why.

It’s good in terms of being a morality play of sorts. Killian not being honest with Belle about Rumple’s secret is a horrible thing to do and the punishment, while brutal, does make sense given his crimes. Rumple’s manipulation and reverse psychology is so cutting to watch play out. While Killian is trying to improve, obviously, there are cracks to his still developing sense of heroism and Rumple knows how to exploit that into getting a lackey and making Killian pay. It’s a lot harder to enjoy since Rumple’s the villain of the episode, but I also understand that that’s a personally hard point.

That ALSO having been said, Killian’s near snapping points kind of suck. In the case of the first instance, it’s really fucking stupid for him to be so pissed at someone who simply tripped and caused some drink to fall on Emma’s dress. I don’t care what kind of psychology Gold played on him, it’s still really dumb. Now on some level, I get that given the “rings” speech Killian gives in Season 5 (Assuming that he came upon those rings before his encounter with Rumple, and at least one of them came afterwards) and that the move was clearly more subconscious than anything in how it was shot and how Colin played it, this is more up old Killian’s alley, but just...for all of Killian’s confidence, this is such a petty thing to make it falter and it stretches my suspension of disbelief just a smidge too much. The way that it’s played doesn’t help. It drags the date down in a really awkwardly written way where Killian is both enjoying himself and kind of can’t because of the hand. And in the second instance, the moment goes by so quick and is given such little focus that it’s just not as effective as the former point. I found both instances to be so utterly weak.

And how Killian goes after The Apprentice with barely a moment’s hesitation because of such small incidents isn’t really that well written to me. Like, what’s worse: Punching someone or allowing your arch enemy to have his fucking way with a man who very likely doesn’t deserve it? It doesn’t paint Killian in the way that the episode is trying to. The episode is trying to show that Killian is a good person with inner demons that hadn’t finished coming out, but that he wants to stop. But instead, Killian’s getting scared over basically nothing in terms of this series and rather than look for any other solution, opts to help Rumple do Merlin knows! And Killian does NOTHING as it happens! I thought I remembered an apology, but there isn’t one! He just stands there, makes no attempt to even subconsciously stop the hat, and it really grinds the wrong way against all the goodwill he’s accumulated.

The ONLY action of his that was bad, but I at least get the nucleus of is when he threatens Belle. He was angry at Rumple and was trying to irk him (Also, it might have been just metaphorically given the news he had). And when that’s all the segment can provide for me, then that’s just sad.

What’s more: For all the bravado made at the end of the episode for how much Killian will owe Rumple for this, Killian breaks four episodes later the MICROSECOND Emma’s threatened. And the time in between simply has Killian out of focus for the most part in regards to this dynamic! Look, I’m normally one of OUAT’s more defensive fans, but this legitimately, given all the characterization that was picked up only to be abandoned after this episode, must conclude that this episode was only meant to move the plot along by trapping the Apprentice, but unlike other episodes, I mean that in the worst way BECAUSE it tries for so much else only to abandon it afterwards.

And here’s the thing: If they were aiming to make Killian a villain protagonist in this episode, someone who we thought was good but was actually bad, I wouldn’t be complaining. I wouldn’t like it from an emotional standpoint because I don’t like Killian being hurt, but I do understand that Killian’s a character capable of great evil and an episode delving into that would’ve been great (That’s why I like the twist in “A Murder Most Foul” so much). But Killian is clearly, despite receiving Emma’s forgiveness, disturbed by the danger his possessed hand poses and that’s a good thing in both the audience’s perception and in the episode’s framing. Him wanting to get rid of that hand for that reason is a good thing. It’s not like he hurt David or Emma or someone else he cared about -- he hurt an asshole thief (As far as he knew) and was still freaked out enough to make a deal to get rid of the hand. And because of that, the framing is all over the place and seemingly can’t make up its mind about what it thinks of Killian here. And works akin to that can work -- my favorite musical is Hamilton and that show is as scathing as it is praising at times, but Alexander himself is a consistent character. Killian in this episode is about as consistent as curds and whey and it sucks. This came after one of the best Golden Hook scenes EVER. How did they fuck that up in such a way?!

I like how Emma shows real strides in taking the advice given to her about not letting another crisis stop her from living her life. She actually makes the choice to not only go out on a date, but to not chase a thief. She’s prioritizing the important things and living and that’s solid development.

There is literally no point to Henry working at Rumple’s shop. Nothing comes of this and that’s a shame! It contributes nothing to Operation Mongoose, derails this already derailed episode even more with the awkward way that it pops up, and its lack of depth deprives the audience of Neal bonding as well as Rumple and Henry bonding. And again, that sucks. It doesn’t even contribute to saving Killian, like the placement of the hat during the ending scene implies that it might, and that makes it doubly frustrating! Like, there was potential for this idea (Maybe have Henry ask some more questions or delve into Henry’s feelings on Rumple’s betrayal and how it affects Operation Mongoose later since the villain who seemingly got his happy ending lost it).

All Encompassing

I like the more subtle theme of backing away from temptation. Anna steps away from the temptation of saving her sister at the cost of the Apprentice (Or so she thinks) and this is correctly framed as the right thing to do. Killian both does this and doesn’t do this. He backs away to ask for his hook back upon seeing the damage he does to others, but doesn’t back away at the darkness of the cost of that hook (Allowing for Rumple to put the old man in the hat).

Stream of Consciousness

-Ooh! It’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! XD

-I like that we got to see Zoso again. You know, seeing as he was Rumple’s mentor, I wonder what it was like for him to train Rumple. I HC that it wasn’t a long journey since Rumple adapted to the darkness fairly easily, but the dynamic would’ve been interesting to see nonetheless.

-What parent names their kid Zoso? And I thought Malcolm hated Rumplestiltskin! XD

-”No Dark One will ever possess what’s in that box.” ...Well, you’re half right.

-“No, but I want you to be happy.” Someone remind me one day to write a giant ass post about why I think the Captain Cobra dynamic is so good because believe it or not, a line like this actually boosts my love for this dynamic!

-That missed dart will brighten me up on my darkest days! :D

-”What are you, like 300?” Don’t get people started, Emma.

-I don’t think I ever realized how close Mr. Gold’s was to Granny’s!

-”You kept it all these years?” Rumple, I know revenge and self loathing and all that, but there is no heterosexual answer to this question! XD

-”This hand belongs to the man you used to be.” I kind of wane back and forth around how bad that dude actually used to be. On one hand, “Good Form” shows that Killian was raring to go, violence wise, but his behavior in Milah’s town in “The Crocodile” suggests that there were circumstances where he wasn’t a pillager. So was it just noble pillaging or was that just an exception? Opinions?

-”That’s just A through E.” Was that an Adam and Eddy reference? Because that’s pretty cute! XD

-So my journey with Killian’s Storybrooke outfit was a bit of an adventure. I didn’t like it when it first came out, but I will admit that that was partially because I was holding out for seeing him in a suit or even a tux AND I missed the pirate coat and the glorious chest hair we got because of it. BUT the more time that I spent with the outfit, the more I liked it and as of a few months ago, I now own a kickass custom Funko of this specific outfit! XD

-”It seems he indeed has changed his ways.” Killian, I get that you’ve gotta explain the sudden reappearance of your hand, but that might be a little too much, even for you.

-I didn’t realize it, but the Apprentice has some jokes to him! I like that bit of personality and wish we got a bit more of it.

-Killian, you don’t get to make poses like that and expect me to live through them!

-”Shouldn’t you be happy [That Marian’s frozen]?” Dude, whether she’s with someone or not, an innocent woman’s doing her best popsicle impersonation because of that frozen heart! Henry, not your best moment!

-That weird bit of Killian looking at his hand mid-kiss is DUMB! Like, I can almost forgive the dumb snapping point at the restaurant because it was somewhat unconscious, but this is Killian focusing on kissing Emma and just a LITERAL SECOND AGO, he was happy with his hands around her. That was simply a poor writing, shooting, and music choice.

-SNOW AND DAVID ON THE COUCH IS NEVER NOT FUNNY! XD

-Emma, don’t just leave your folks! Gossip!

-”Because I don’t want to.” I love how blatant and frank Rumple is with so many of his lines! XD

-We got flowers! We got a run in in a car! DATE NIGHT 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!

-I love how Rumple’s such a fucking drama queen that he HAD the fucking hook on his person! XD

-I love how Storybrooke has a dedicated radio station! That must be the most interesting job in the world! If by some miracle, I’m ever transported to Storybrooke, I’m getting a fucking internship! XD

-And I love how Granny’s sponsors said radio station! Does she not have enough money?! XD

-Oh hey! Rip Van Winkle survived his deleted scene with Rumple and made it to Storybrooke! XD

-...Wow, Will. They were really planning something for you….I think. (Fun fact: You ever want to unlock my hidden salt? Talk to me about Will Scarlet, apparently! XD )

-I know a lot of people think Killian might have been homeless at this point in the series, but I HC that he just drank himself to sleep or that he just didn’t want to be around people for risk of hurting them.

-I love how Robert Carlyle plays Rumple when Rumple loving what he’s doing, but he’s in Storybrooke mode so he can’t exactly show it but still is showing it. Does that make sense?

-I KNOW YOU, RUMPLE! “OLD FRIEND” MY AUNT FROU FROU!

-YES! MICKEY MOUSE SAVES THE DAY! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

-Anna, I will forever love the fact that you call the most danger artifact in the OUAT world a “wavy knife.”

-I also love how she proceeds to say “please” to Rumple! XD

-Anna, you are my fucking hero!

-Anyone notice how The Sorcerer is very likely the owner of that gaudy af red and white car?

-”So here we are, Captain. Still in business together.” This line was always weird to me. It had no congruity with the story and for such a big line, it has no presence.

-Umm makeup? Will doesn’t look like he has a shiner.

-Damn, that investigation scene was weird.

-”...before the trail gets...cold.” Thank you, Emma for gracing me with a pun! I needed that!

Favorite Dynamic

Anna and Rumple. These two are fucking hilarious together! Rarely does Rumple get to have a back and forth with someone not only oblivious, but also hysterical and Anna meets this weird mix to a tee! Their banter is truly one of a kind and I’d have seriously loved more scenes of them together! I also love how Anna learns from Rumple! When she finally gets her hands on the dagger, she is VERY careful about how she handles Rumple and her commands! Seeing Rumple’s lip twitch as he is forced to save The Apprentice is just one of the greatest moments ever! Not only that, but I found their dynamic to be a little necessary. While Killian is getting his just desserts for doing bad in this episode (Though it might be a bit overkill-y (Or should I say, over KILL-I-AN XD) for me), Rumple is doing bad too in the present with no consequence and I feel like the flashback here showing his proverbial ass getting handed to him made that a lot more palatable.

Writer

Andrew Chambliss and Dana Horgan are our writers today. It’s actually Dana’s first and...it really shows. I don’t feel too guilty attributing the present segment to Dana as she’s written second on the writer’s list, but correct me if that’s a mistake of judgment on my part. There is no understanding of Killian’s character or what she wants to do with him here and because of that, he flops on the deck like a fish. And when you’re dealing with such a delicate dynamic as Killian’s and Rumple’s, you need to provide it Andrew’s segment of the episode however is fantastic! Everything is much more cohesive!

Rating

6/10. This was is many ways such a failure of an episode. I GET what they were trying to do -- expose cracks in Killian’s redemption so that the door was open to explore more with his character, but the result of the work here made Killian an incomprehensible mess. His morality is all over the place, but not in the way it intended. Honestly, if not for all the goodwill Killian developed earlier on and following this episode, this singular episode might have destroyed my love for his character. If this segment were on it’s own, it very likely would’ve been tied for the series’ low of 3/10. Thankfully, the past segment is such a redeeming factor here. The story is far tighter and the characterizations were done so carefully. Additionally, Mr. Gold is at least consistent in the present segment and Robert Carlyle’s performances here are excellent in selling that sanrmyness of Rumple’s. But the rest of it is trash and apart from the hat scene and the flashback, are completely irrelevant throughout the rest of the series.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - So before we get into the squee of things, I gotta talk about Henry. Despite that “no,” Henry is the one to push Emma into that diner. If he didn’t want her asking Killian out, he wouldn’t have done that. I’ll get into this when I one day talk about how much I love Captain Cobra, but I love how Henry likes Killian, but his feelings towards Killian dating Emma are a lot more ambiguous. Okay, we good! Now let’s get into AWESOMENESS that is the date stuff! First off, Killian wastes no time focusing on the mission because he knows how important it is to Emma and assures her that they’ll find her, all the while oblivious to Emma’s adorable nervousness. And then she asks him out and he misses so adorably! And the age banter and the planning banter! Fuck! I just can’t! And I get to watch a whole date of them! I’m already in pain from smiling. But before that, I’ve got to point out how Killian, despite being a lot fucked up i his method, is going for his hand back on the off chance that Emma wants him to hold her! That is just too romantic! Rumple, you’re right about blackmail and his romantic side! Ok! I love those first few seconds where Emma and Killian cannot speak because they’re admiring each other so much. Like, oh my FUCK! That is too cute! And can we talk about And then we get the actual date and while Killian’s having his mini panic attack, Emma’s the one to comfort him and tell him it’s okay. I really like how they both support each other in this way! “Will you go out with me again?” Because I’ve seen that thread where people started the show because of a gifset of that and I’m STILL shook af! And Emma’s response with that kiss is too beautiful! Like, she can’t even think of how to verbalize how much “YES” she has in her so she decides to kiss that “YES” and burn it into everyone’s skull for all eternity! And the way she stands by the door once it’s closed...that’s actual perfection. Like, I can die a happy woman!

Rumbelle - I’m not gonna defend Rumple’s actions in this episode, but seeing just how far he goes to fuck with Killian for threatening his marriage really does show how much he values said marriage. I also loved the deleted scene where Belle returns to the library and think that would’ve been better had it made it on screen.

-----

I hate bitching about an episode and I wasn’t looking forward to doing it at all, so much so that I pushed doing this episode off twice! I want to say that hopefully that’s the last time I need to review an episode like that, but unfortunately, I’m not a fan of the next episode either. This...is gonna be a hard week.

BUT thank YOU all the same for reading! You made this bit of suffering worthwhile! And thanks to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales as well as @daensarah! See you next time!

Season 3 Total (35/230) Writer Scores: Adam and Eddy: (9/60) Jane Espenson: (10/40) David Goodman and Jerome Schwartz: (10/50) Andrew Chambliss: (6/50) Dana Horgan: (6/30)

*Links to the rest of my rewatch will no longer be provided. They take posts with links outside of searches and I spend way too much time on these reviews to not give them that kind of exposure. Sorry for the inconvenience, but they still can be found on my page under Operation Rewatch.

[theliterateape]

"Here's My Heart": Braid's 'Frame & Canvas' Turns 20

By David Himmel

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Frame & Canvas by the Champaign, Illinois-based band Braid. This album mattered. It mattered when it was first released for what it meant for the punk/emo/hardcore genre. It mattered for what it meant for the band. It mattered for what it meant to me and the thousands (Tens of thousands? Millions?) of kids like me. And yeah, it matters now.

I know I’m not the first to get all fanboy gooey over this album or this band. But lately I’m having a hard time not submitting to the allure of nostalgia, that gorgeous siren. No, it’s not nostalgia. It’s reference to the past, my past. It could be that the last year was a wild one — first year of marriage; dog gets sick; land a new job; wife gets pregnant; lose the new job; dog dies; first child is born. A lot of impactful things have happened personally — internally. And it’s been busy externally, too — all things Trump; the generational war; the race/socio-economic war; the geographical war; Stranger Things 2. In wild times like these, it does one best to cite history for the guidance, clues and cues for how to best navigate the new, but always familiar, waters. And so, I’ve been going back to the well of my favorite movies, books and music for comfort and clarity.

Frame & Canvas is a favorite. Braid is a favorite. As such, the record release of 20 years ago today is worth writing about.

On April 7, 1998, I was a freshman in college at UNLV. I was miserable. The whys and whats of why are too numerous and convoluted to get into here but I can tell you that overall, I felt stale.

I didn’t run out and buy Frame & Canvas on its release day. I don’t remember when I bought the CD but I remember that it did not leave its place in the 6-CD disk changer in my new Volkswagen Golf — my first car — for all of my sophomore year at school. I remember playing it at full volume with the windows down and the sunroof open as one of my sophomore year roommates, Matt Sandoval, and I drove to San Diego for a weekend on the beach. He was impressed with it. It sounded like nothing he’d ever heard before. He wanted more. So did I.

“So I’m told that Chicago’s cold. Can’t be cool as California.” — First Day Back

Braid wasn’t new to me. The released two albums (and a slew of singles and splits and compilations, etc.) but Braid hadn’t resonated with me until Frame & Canvas. The band’s third and final album — before the release of a two-volume compilation of singles and B-sides, and a temp-to-full-time reunion release 16 years later — was just the right mix of nuance that my sensitive, wannabe rockstar heart and ears required. I had even seen Braid perform the earlier stuff at Chicago’s Fireside Bowl several times when they shared the bill with my favorites at the time, The Promise Ring and The Get Up Kids to name two. (Those bands still rank among my favorites, and their albums remain in routine rotation on my turntable, in my iTunes and in my car.) After I completely absorbed every lyric, drum beat, guitar riff and bass line I could from Frame & Canvas, I dove into the older stuff. And now I loved it. All of it. I became a superfan.

Braid broke up in 1999. They went on a one-off reunion tour in 2004. I flew from Las Vegas to Detroit to see them open for Minus the Bear. I still have the ticket stub. It wasn my birthday weekend. It was fucking incredible.

But back to the record at hand…

The songs were about being in a state of certain uncertainty. A place of transition with the balls to step up and have no fear of fucking it all up. The songs were about girls and friends and getting older and being younger and parents and longing and having and missing and distance and places and things and giving a shit and not giving a shit at all.

“We’ve got a lot of great mistakes to make. We’ve a lot of chances to take, so let’s take our time and hurry.” — The New Nathan Detroits

Or that’s how I perceived them. What do I know? I didn’t write them, I only listened to them. It’s that old argument: What Does The Art Mean And Who Does It Mean It To? The album, front to back and back again was everything my tender Midwestern heart was feeling and everything my late teenage brain was thinking

Frame & Canvas was released at the end of my freshman year, but it was wholly consumed throughout my sophomore year. My sophomore year was the year when I was still sad but sick of being sad; bored but sick of being bored; interested but struggling to find something interesting. Throughout the album, there were lyrics that spoke to exactly what I was feeling or thinking, or needed to hear because I hadn’t thought of it that way. And certainly not with that shift in time signature or run down the frets.

It was my sophomore when I shook off the dust and salt and tried new things while staying evermore true to myself. That was the year college started to be enjoyable and life started to suck. That was the year my twenties began and a new, more confident, less afraid David emerged. I didn’t know what a Nathan Detroit was — I didn’t get the reference, but I couldn’t help to relate because there was something both familiar and new about this guy, Nathan. (I later, of course, realized that Nathan Detroit was a reference to the character from Guys and Dolls. The reference and connection still accurately applies.)

One of my longest standing and still best friends, Brian Wolff, once told me, “You treat lead singers like they’re great philosophers.” Yeah, I do. Fuck Socrates. Eat shit, Voltaire. Bite my dick, Angelou. Give me my Nanna, Broach, Portman, Schwartzenbach, Andriano…

I’m not alone in this, I know. Music matters. Bands matter. Singers and guitarists and bassists and drummers matter. They say and play what we want to say and play but can’t because we’re in our own way. And get this; there are bands for the bands, too. Everyone is inspired.

So, it’s 20 years later…

I’ve seen Braid perform live countless times at this point — considering all the times in high school at the Fireside, the reunion show, the quieter shows before the release of the new album in 2014 and the few since. And yeah, I own the VHS and DVD of Killing a Camera, the live performance documentary of the band’s swan song performances. I’m a fan. Superfan.

In the years since Frame & Canvas has been among us, the listening public, it has remained a constant source of companionship. Through girlfriends of distance, through missing my Midwestern roots while living my dear dessert life in Nevada, through being married...

“I can’t come home, I’m stuck in a phone booth again. But once in your arms, we’ll rise above the ground. You and me, and the beautiful aerial view… I’m never coming down.” — Collect from Clark Kent

A short departure for a story of a different tone, yet related…

When I was making my move from Las Vegas to Chicago during June of 2007, I stopped in Rock Springs, Wyoming. It was on the way and I had to pee. I also was jonesing for a small town beer. Preferably a draft. I found what I considered a local-enough tavern to piss and throw anchor in, and steered the VW into the small parking lot. I too my piss, drank my beer and scribbled in my notebook. Those writings are somewhere, actually close to me in a well-disheveled filing of notebooks in my desk just to the left of this very keyboard. I’ll spare you the contents of that bar top writing because it’s not good. At least not without music to it…

Point is, while I was drinking and writing, it dawned on me that Braid had recorded a song about Rock Springs, Wyoming. It’s called I Keep a Diary, and as I realized that, I recognized that was living out a song I loved. For I, too, was keeping a diary. Bonus: The date of the diary entry in that song is my wife’s birthday. How about that?

“Ten-ten, ninety-seven… Rock Springs, Wyoming hotel. As far as I can tell, I just don’t miss you anymore.” — I Keep a Diary

OK. So here we are, 20 years later. I embarked on my career, I poured through and over girlfriends, I bought a house with a pool, I lost my virginity, I bought a boat — sort of — I got married, I became a dad, I bought another VW Golf then a VW GTI, I got some cancer, I became a scotch drinker.

The thing about our formative years is that they’re always formative. We don’t grow out of who we were when we were angsty, emotional, needy, angry, confused, certain, brilliant, and dumb-as-fuck teenagers and twentysomethings. That is our base. All of us. That’s why our record collection, and collecting, caps out around the time between our teenage and late twenties years. Unless you’re a music critic or seriously committed to avoiding atrophy in spite of the certain emotional disappointment new music will bring your aging ass, this is true.

But Braid keeps on.

Never mind that the band got back together. Never mind what members went on to do in subsequent years. Never mind that Bob Nanna — guitarist and vocalist of Braid — went on to write — for hire — our wedding song. Yeah, it’s pretty fucking cool that my rock ‘n’ roll  emotional hero knows my dog’s name!

How does one reconcile fandom with heroism. I see these guys at shows… they are cool enough and real enough to be friends but incredible enough to pass me over as a passing piece of late ’90s and early 2000s dust. Except that we’re all part of the same thing… The Scene, the listening public. And wouldn’t you know it? My wife hired Braid’s lyricist to pen our wedding song.

Jesus Christ.

The frame… the canvas… it’s still so real and so important.

And if Bob, Todd, Chris, Damen or Roy happen to read this… Thanks. Next time I see you at some show in town, the drinks are on me.