#i legit hate that fuckin channel so so so so much

[steakout-05]

i think all those autism vlogging youtube channels that post distressing videos of their children having meltdowns and intense panic attacks for thousands and thousands of people to see should be deleted and banned off the website and i am not kidding. i don't care what excuse they use whether it's "oh no it's for education purposes! so clearly posting our kids in state of extreme emotional and mental distress is okay 😊" or some other excuse, it's not okay to post your kids in what can be a very vulnerable and embarrassing state to be in for the whole internet to see. don't even come at me with that "they asked for the videos to be posted!" rubbish kids cannot consent to that no matter how intelligent or informed they are about the consequences of those videos going online. children cannot and should not consent to those videos going up and it pisses me off that the blatant exploitation of children and disabled people is still normalised and excused like this. cause that's what it is. it's exploitative of the vulnerable no matter how much it swears it's trying to be educational. 99% of the time the only reason these kinds of videos are online is to get clicks and views and money and it's disgusting.

[knowlessman]

bonko no honko I ran out of good jokes a long time agodemia (bnha)(if I ever had any) s3e1-3

(I forgot about the prequel minisodes but I'm already here, maybe I'll watch them later idk)

ooh this OP's got a pi-aner in it. I dig it. some of the opening bits sort of reminded me of homest - why is bakugo swole wtaf

(void teleport business slenderfrend watching all might on tv) patrick star: I hate this channel -- why IS slendervoid so fucking dapper tho

"worst character? worst-character-in-training?"

…"Vlad" has orc fangs instead of vamp fangs : \ huh

there's that "be a fuck[bleep]ng superstar" thing again. it's so jarring every time -- (going down the list of all of Class A's quirks) …like, yes, we do know all these things already, and it is recycled footage, but I'm not finding that I mind it -- I knew they weren't gonna do the same for Class B's but. I mean. idk

"you said you were gonna use the pool for endurance training, right?" already hovering finger over the right arrow key -- breaking news: anime school has girl's swimsuits that are actual clothes. granted, figures it'd only be for a joke

guy with literal jet engines in his legs: hey, who wants to do a race? -- oh come on, none of you are even touching the water -- iida you fuck 'XD I thought you were the rules guy

(flashback) the bit where deku says "you haven't put a single scratch on me yet" when all of his fingers are broken and todoroki is at full health is still fucking hilarious tbh -- (still flashbacks) "I am the younger brother of a hero you attacked" also still reminds me of that "do you have ANY IDEA how little that narrows it down" meme -- yes, yes, you're all protagonists, this is a recap episode huh

"don't hold back on me, half n half!" "okay" freezes bakugo and deku and wins easily -- (eraserhead butts in) hehehehehehehe -- ("pool's closed, go home") aw dammit, I wanted him to make them do the last race legit 'XD

…has this show been doing these Marvel-ass after-credits scenes this whole time? …well, hopefully it doesn't mean I've been missing any needed context when I didn't watch the credits all the way through

"what, Class A is taking extra classes? did you fail? did you fail?" oh shut up Ditto, I gave up liking you ages ago

who is this Charlie-Brown-side-character looking mfer, what's their deal 'XD

uh…… huh. well, the Jellicles have arrived.

who's the grumpy kid who looks like he wandered in from Bleach. …or Digimon. idfk. he their manager? is he hiding cat ears under that hat?

(wonders something, checks the dub) aw, I can't even comment on what they translated God Explosion Murder (you know, that guy who got kidnapped by the slime monster)'s catchphrase to in English because if I type it here FB will ban me : [ (also I'm too lazy to change these much before posting em to tumblr regardless of what order I do em in)

am here for action banjo I guess

kaminari that thing is literally made of dirt, it couldn't be any more obviously Ground-type wtf

…o-kay. mineta gets a new friend in superhell tier I guess

wheeeeeze 'XD what the fuck, I can't - what - why? fuckin' brat just punched mr nice guy in the balls -- guy whose sole defining trait is bullying deku: "heh, he reminds me of me"

"hey kota, can you bring those vegetables? they have a sticker on them that says Vegetables in English, but don't look at it too closely, you'll get a headache" what did the artist(s?) think we were gonna think was in that box anyway?

ugh, not hot springs, we just did this gag

deku looks pretty darn normal when his head isn't on an anatomy figure : |

yooo, class b's here too, hellyeah

(going through how everybody is trying to level up their powers) all choji and hagukure have to do is hide and seek, huh. all this support tech and all and they still haven't invented anything hagukure can, idk, wear or use that's as invisible as she is or that can become invisible?

swolecat might be okay

secret hideout? isn't that just the cave where they had tokoyami doing his crona-ragnarok training? -- (camera pans to show a hole in the cliff) is kota a cognate for kyle? also is that meme still funny? idk

literally a cenobite. who let clive barker into the writing room, this is a family show. …that occasionally says "fuck" in the background.

dancing boy is waiting for a full party

why does it not surprise me that bakugo's apparently good at cutlery. he probably says "die" in his head as he chops

("bravery test" game thingy) …yeah no I'd better not even try to understand this one, I still haven't gotten around to googling what a cavalry battle is -- "revelry in the dark" kthx sasuke allen poe or wever

'XD they passed up the opportunity to pair bakugo with deku and decided to stick him with half n half instead

is it zombies again. or midnight. -- oh, it's dancing boy making a move. hm.

no after-credits scene this time, only spoilers. maybe it's only for first and last episodes of a season, who knows.

got stuff tomorrow. …I think. stoppin here for now.

[mysweetgirl2-love]

Livestream~ (corpse_husband x reader)

Alright, I’ve skipped ahead a few prompts because I’ve been just too excited to write out this idea and I was falling behind... so I will be going back, but I’ve skipped to my day 9 prompt. Slight (SLIGHT) exhibition. To reiterate the title, this is a oneshot about you and Corpse. I want to just say that this Corpse is him as a character and not him as a person. Think of a “fanon” version of some sorts. I know that the real Corpse is a very private person (obviously) and I would hate for him to be uncomfortable if he were to ever find this. I am really just writing this for comfort and the enjoyment of others. So, without further ado, enjoy!

Word Count: 5,958

Day 9 - Exhibition (Implied)

“Yo! YO! It’s Corpse! It’s fucking Corpse, holy shit-“

“What? Literally how?”

“I- fucking- I saw you legit go into electrical with pewds, leave, for me to then go up and find his body right next to the vent.”

“He was doing the upload task, I think, cuz’ I left him there when he was alive. You definitely self-reported.”

“Toast, you gotta believe me, it’s fucking Corpse.”

The arguments while playing this game were some of the most frustrating and yet exciting conversations you’d had in ages. Especially when it came down to the final two. That was the jackpot.

“Ah… nah, Fable, you’ve been super sus this entire round. There’s no way you did card swipe that quickly-“

“WHAT?!”

The two dings from your headset indicated that the remaining players had voted which only left you. Since Toast didn’t believe you, Corpse had this round in the bag. God. Damnit.

“Fucking- Fine. Thank god for your detective skills, Toast,” You grumbled bitterly, pouting on camera as you voted for the black avatar. Corpse’s avatar.

“You’re just mad that I figured you out..” The streamer teased, you rolling your eyes in response to his unmatched “knowledge.”

“Yeah, yeah, totally… Corpse is just too fucking good at this game, I swear to god,” You continued, definitely a little irritated that the match turned on you so fast.

It didn’t help when all you could do was helplessly watch from the other side of the screen as your purple avatar launched out into space. Oh well, it was over.

“Heh… I’m just glad you admit it,” The deep voice filled your headphones making you roll your eyes.

The screen suddenly darkened, a red gleam appearing as two characters stood next to one another. Spedicey and, who would’ve guessed, Corpse. Shocking.

“What?!” Toast exclaims.

“I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t think it was him!” Lily speaks up.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, Toast,” Felix almost groans, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Seriously…” You comment, smirking slightly at the groan of confusion from the man in question.

“What? Fable, you were so sus that entire round!” Toast stressed, your headphones filling with laughter as you clicked to play again.

“What do you mean?! I Iegit just scanned my card and you’re trying to call me on it! For NO good reason!” You retorted, wanting to facepalm so hard.

“I didn’t think you could do it that fast!” He yelled back, “I thought you were faking it, there was no way!”

“The only one who really struggles with card swipe here is Corpse,“ Jack cut in, you erupting in laughter at his words.

“What?- Uh- Come on, don’t do me like that…” He essentially growled into the mic, your arms erupting with goosebumps at the sound of him once again.

“That’s not true either! Jack, you know how hard card swipe is!” Valkarae stood up for the deep spoken imposter, “…but you guys both won anyway. So, whatever…”

You all simply laughed along with one another at that, the frustration fading as you mentally prepared yourself for another round of this thought-provoking game. Or… so you thought.

“Hey, can we actually hold off for a second? I need to use the bathroom-“ Lily asked, you smiling at how gentle her voice always was.

A stark contrast to the one that followed.

“Yeah, same here. Gamer bladder,” Corpse followed.

You shook your head at the later comment, clearing your throat as before leaning in towards your mic, “So, 5 minute break then?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds good!”

“Sure, I’ll just be here.”

Felix, Rae, and Jack responded.

“…Sykunno?” You asked, having not heard his voice in awhile.

“He left to use the bathroom after he finished his tasks in the last round, texted me saying something about getting a snack,” Toast replied for him, you nodding to no one in particular but your chat.

“Got it,” You pressed the mute button for discord and turned to your face cam, “Guess I’ll run to the restroom as well, stay tuned!”

You clicked a few things to allow an ad to run across your stream, labeling it for around four minutes before reaching for your headphones. You placed them on your desk and sighed, leaning back in your chair.

You heard the door in the hallway open, smiling gently to yourself before standing from the chair. You turned towards your own closed door, taking the appropriate amount of steps to open it before peaking around the doorway.

“Hm…” You walked out slightly, turning towards the closed bathroom door and smirking before creeping out of your room and over to his.

Corpse’s room. Your boyfriend.

You and Corpse had started seeing each other a month or two into quarantine during the pandemic. Having known each other a year or two from both of your professions bringing you together under the circumstances, it seemed appropriate.

He was a real-life horror story teller, taking people’s information by email and anonymously telling their tales. You? You told mythologies of all kinds through your own renditions of the stories with art. You also managed to make the stories more light hearted and funny with a few jokes now and then, and people seemed to appreciate the humor you found in some of the topics.

Your channel name had always been Fantasized Fables, a little odd but it got your content across. Since your channel hit, your name was no secret but people liked calling you Fable.

You honestly thought it made you sound a lot more badass than you actually were.

Either way, somehow you got connect through a couple of friends and instantly clicked. Corpse was… well, Corpse. You didn’t know that you’d helped him so much when he actually told you what was going on. The endless nights where you would both be up at an ungodly hour and just dm-ing one another. It started after a few nights you both saw each other online, quickly progressing into something much bigger than that.

It got deep all the time. You both had so many thoughts about life and each other’s and your own… you felt so safe when telling this faceless internet friend all your deepest, darkest thoughts. But, you knew Corpse had more. He always told you more, you almost wanted more to comfort him over. The feelings started to fester and grow… there was no stopping how you felt about him.

The day you two actually met was never going to be forgotten, by either of you. It was unintentional, almost straight from a movie. You had, at this point, exchanged contact information and had been now calling for the majority of May. Not to mention, you both found out you lived in SoCal, only progressing  On this particular afternoon, you texted him that you were going on a coffee run to Starbucks… him saying he was going out for the first time as well.

Masked up and muffled, you of course could tell it was his voice from across the street. The slightly amplified “oh fuck” was the biggest giveaway you could’ve imagined. Your eyes looking up to find a man, dressed in complete black, chains and earrings, shaggy black hair- there was so doubt in your mind.

You called his name, his eyes looking up to find yours across the way… traffic laws weren’t going to stop the saint up to him and into his arms. A big, long, well-deserved embraced you knew the both of you needed. He had always been so kind… and gentle… him being physically there was just so… relieving.

The rest is history, and you honestly moved into his apartment as quickly as you could. You couldn’t stand him living alone like that anymore, and he obviously let you in without a second thought.

You both were extremely happy to have each other, and it just kept getting better from there.

You gently shut the door behind you, creeping over to his setup and sliding into his chair, humming softly as you watched the endless chat messages buildup along the screen and peering at the number of viewers he had now achieved.

JEEEZUS christ, 200k?! That’s insane! You thought, widening your eyes at the number on the screen.

Your streams only ever reached 90k, which was a lot more than you had expected. The number was slowly growing now, though… ever since Corpse blew up on tiktok for just posting videos of his hands.

Wild.

You clicked through a few comments, watching super comments flash along the chat as well as mods trying to attempt to get slow chat to work. You couldn’t help but slightly laugh at the struggle, turning back towards the game as a few of the avatars began bouncing around with one another. People were getting back to the game.

You were about to shift around in his seat, reaching for the keyboard to type something in game when two larger hands came gently down on your shoulders. They pushed you gently down against the chair, causing it to lean back with your body. A face moved next to your ear, lips grazing against the skin.

“Whattup Baby?~” That low voice growled, you gently flinching at the rumbling next to your ear.

You turned to find Corpse grinning down at you, his hands easing up off your body and reaching for your face. His right hand came in contact with your cheek, gently squeezing against it as he slowly walked around the chair and crouched down. To be right beneath your eye level.

“Hi..” You hummed, leaning over to press your lips against his forehead before leaning back to look in his maroon-like eyes.

“Why’re you in my chair? You need to get back to your own stream, silly~” He hummed, beginning to stand as he reached for your arm to pull you out of the chair.

You grinned, your head falling back begrudgingly as he easily pulled you from the comfortable seat.

“Wait…! I just wanted to see you…” You lightly whined, him chuckling in response as you stood on your two feet. Him replacing the spot where you had sat.

“Uhuh… and why’s that?” He teased lightly, you couldn’t help but scoff gently while your heart rate increased. He always had that effect on you.

“Well, I mean… I wanted to both congratulate and bother you about your… fucking imposter round-“ He erupted in laughter, you grinning along with him with a simple eye roll, “hey! Let me finish, it was a good round, I’ll give you that… but you threw me under the bus while doing it…! For no reason!”

He raised his brow lightly, his laughter coming to a soft chuckle as he shrugged, “I mean, I gotta keep my title as ‘too fucking good at imposter.’ Sorry, princess…”

You playfully glared in his direction, a stupid smirk spreading across his face. Your lower lip jutted out from your upper one, crossing your arms as you simply pouted in response. He huffed in response, his smirk turning to more of a smile as he reached back out for you.

“C’mere…” He grumbled, his hand grabbing your arm as he pulled you back down to the chair.

“Wait- Ah!” You almost fell against him, barely able to catch yourself against the arm rests on his chair. You looked up, slightly panicked from the sudden fall, to find Corpse smirking right back.

“Wait for what? You’re not ready for affection?” He asked softly, his hand reaching up to push a few loose strands of hair behind your ear.

“N-No, that’s not it…” You mumbled, letting your gaze fall to his chest, seeing the definition of his body through his baggy sweater.

You felt fingers press against the underside of your chin, pushing your face up to look back towards him. You felt your face flush in embarrassment, smiling nervously as his smirk had never faltered.

“You don’t look very sure of yourself…” he whispered to you.

You gently bit at the inside cheek, shrugging quickly, “C-Cuz’ I’m not…”

He chuckled deeply, leaning in slightly as he grabbed you by the lips, gently humming against your mouth as his hands gripped your sides.

You whimpered softly against him, beginning to kiss back as you readjusted yourself in his lap. You quietly wrapped your arms around the back of his neck as you leaned against him.

He chuckled softly, moving his lips against yours as his hands gently slipped up beneath the sides of your shirt and lovingly stroked at your now exposed skin.

“God, you’re so beautiful…” he whispered against you, catching your lips quickly as he continued, “You’re too perfect, fuck… too fucking perfect…”

“Corpse, I-..” You kissed him again, one of your hands reaching up towards his head as you tangled your fingers into the back of his hair.

He hummed against your mouth, squeezing your sides gently as his smily broke out into a grin. The tip of his nose pressed against yours as he sighed, “Yes, princess?~”

“Careful, we need to get back to the game…” You whispered, growing a little nervous as he chuckled.

“They can wait…” He sighed, leaning back in to press his lips back to yours, kissing you deeply once again.

You squeaked lightly, timid as ever before you kissed back. You felt his teeth grazing against your lower lip, gently nipping at the skin. You couldn’t help but slightly moan, pulling away from your lips as he trailed light kisses down your chin and along your jaw.

He was going for your neck, getting there before you could express any protest. You sighed loudly as his lips connected to the skin right below your ear, gently growling against you as you felt a slight wet sensation lick against your earlobe. You shivered, the side of your face falling to the top of his head as he continued his attack on your neck.

“Fuck, Corpse~”

“God, you sound so beautiful baby… you keep acting like this and after the stream? I’ll have no choice but to-“

The desk behind you started vibrating in loud, long buzzes. Both of you freezing in your spots as you turned over your shoulder to find Corpse’s phone lighting up with a phone call.

You quirked your brow, “Who’d be calling you this early in the morning?”

It was 12 pm, you both had woken up at 10 am to actually get ready in time to stream. It wasn’t early for the world, but it was early for this apartment.

“I don’t know… weird,” He leaned forward in his chair, you holding tight against his chest as he grabbed the phone and brought it towards the two of you.

You both looked down at the contact name on the screen, your eyes widening at the name that read.

“Why- hm…” Corpse quickly swiped to answer the call, holding the speaker up to his ear, “Hey Rae, everything okay-“

He stopped suddenly mid sentence, his eyes widening as his cheeks lit up in a bright red. It had to have been the most embarrassed you’d ever seen him, his eyes falling to yours as you read the panic within them.

“R-Right- shit… s-sorry- I-I’ll turn it down now… bye,“ He quickly brought the phone away, immediately hanging up as his eyes flashed towards the chat function on his stream.

“Is… Is everything okay…?” You asked hesitantly, leaning over slightly to read for yourself what people had to say. Did something happen in chat while you guys were preoccupied?

Corpse didn’t respond, his eyes just scanned what the letters read on screen. You frowned, you confusion growing by the second. He hit a button on the keyboard, did he just unmute?

A strained laugh left his mouth, falling back in the chair with you still in his arms. His eyes found yours, his lips slowly turning to a grin before he laughed one of the hardest laughs you had yet to hear from him.

Your eyes widened, completely baffled at this point.

“Corpse, please- What happened?”

“We- We- AHA! We were unmuted!! That ENTIRE time!” He cackled, his hand landing on his chest to almost support him in some way.

You, on the other hand, went from complete befuddlement to absolute humiliation. There was no way THAT was just heard by hundreds upon thousands of people. No fucking way.

“Wh-What??” You began to panic, reaching for his broad shoulders and gently holding onto them, “Wh-What are you even t-talking about?!”

He gently gripped onto you in return, readjusting you against him as he held you there. His laughter died down before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against your nose.

You both were open that you were in a relationship, people knew… but, that doesn’t mean you necessarily wanted them to hear..

“Hey, baby, don’t worry… it could’ve been a lot worse… We’re fine~” he reassured, your brow still tensed from your worry. You knew the worst had already happened when he blew up, but how would they use his voice in that kind of tone…

You didn’t want to think about it too much. Not jealous, more just… weirded out. Who knew how people would use your voice in that tone either? You didn’t dwell on it.

“Ah, o-okay… yeah, nothing we need to worry about now,” You nodded with him, his gentle features turning to a warm smile. He brought his hand up to your cheek, his thumb gently swiping across your skin as he hummed.

“Mhm, all is fine… I promise,” He mumbled to you, leaning in softly to press his lips back against your forehead.

You sighed, pausing against him for a moment before leaning away, “Well… p-probably shouldn’t keep them waiting m-much longer…”

Corpse raised his brow gently smiling sadly in agreement with a slight nod. He gently reached for your hips once again, holding them gently as he helped hoist you back onto your two feet. You yelped softly as you let yourself be lifted, extending your two legs to meet the floor.

You stood still for a moment, your eyes meeting his as you timidly smiled, “S-Sorry about the mic thing… I should’ve stayed in my stream.”

You nervously laughed, his smile never faltering as yours broke out into a grin. Your slight guilt written all over your features.

“No, no, you’re totally fine… don’t apologize,” He hummed, his thumbs gently pressing against your hips as he kept reassuring.

“Okay, haha… now we’ll never forget to check our mics,” You winked softly, your hands grabbing onto his larger ones and squeezing them gently in return.

“Haha… never,” He nodded softly, tilting his head gently to the side as he simply watched you.

You sighed, begrudgingly pulling his hands from your hips as you took a small step away. You gently bounced on the balls of your feet, awkwardly putting your hands together behind your back.

“Hm… well! I- uh… will see you in game…” You smiled, his body turning in his chair as he leaned his chin against two of his fingers that you had freshly reapplied black nail polish that night before.

His brow raised quizzically at you, the damn smirk playing at his lips once again. His fingers flexed slightly, his hands following the motion. You could see the veins running down his wrist from where you stood.

He briefly chuckled, “Yeah… I’ll see you there, baby…”

With that, he turned back towards his screen while you didn’t hesitate towards the door. You walked over and grabbed the handle, briefly turning back to the darkened man on the screen, clicking away at the bursts of notifications he was getting from discord.

Oops.

“I love you-“ You flushed, his eyes pulling away from his screen to find you in the doorway. You could see the tint of pink along his cheeks in the darkness of the room.

“…I love you too. Hurry though, Rae is flipping out-“ He laughed, you not wasting a second more to close the door and bound back over to your recording room.

You shut the door behind you, looking up towards your brightened monitor and feeling your breath catch in your chest. You could see your chat blowing up from here, your phone lighting up with MULTIPLE notifications… God, what an unfortunate mistake for Corpse to have made.

You quicken your pace back to your chair, sliding in and putting your headphones back atop of your head. Your camera had come back on in the time you were gone, giving the device a nervous grin before turning towards the game.

“S-Sorry guys, didn’t mean to take that long- uhm…” Your eyes scanned over the chat, not surprised to find it full of caps-locked comments screaming about what happened on Corpse’s stream.

You sighed nervously, your eyes now finding your discord application notifying you that you had… almost fifty notifications?! You mentally had to roll your eyes, quickly turning back towards the camera with a sheepish smile.

“I- uh… I have to go for another minute- B-Be right back!” You laughed, turning on another ad before mentally cursing at yourself. God damnit- your eyes scanned over the viewers on your stream.

What the shit- when did I get 30k viewers?! What the hell?! Of course this is when your viewers decide to spike.

You groaned to yourself, your head falling to your hand as the other reached for your mouse. You clicked to your discord, slowly… but surely, un-deafened your mic.

“OH. MY. GOD. You FUCKING dumbass!” Rae yelled as soon as you unmuted, flinching at the pitch to her tone. It felt like you were being scolded.

“What?! I can’t show my girlfriend some love?!” Corpse replied, not yelling but a definite inflection in his tone.

“No! Nothing wrong with that! But CHECK your MIC next time!!” She laughed loudly. Oh my god.

“Jesus Christ, dude… or at least lower the sensitivity significantly…” Jack spoke up, almost sounding disappointed.

“Ey, welcome back, Fable-“ Felix spoke up, the cheeky grin evident in his tone.

What a fucking asshole-

“FABLE!”

“Oh my god-“

“You guys can’t wait til after stream?!”

“Wait, what am I joining into…?” A new voice intervened, interrupting Rae, Toast, and Lily.

Charlie, what a man, coming in at the worst time.

“H-Hey Charlie…” You spoke up in a greeting.

“Wha- Wait! Answer the question, Fable!” Lily squealed, a groan leaving your mouth as you fell towards your mic.

“I’m sorry! I-I really didn’t mean for it to happen! I had no clue-“

“Yeah, wait, this isn’t on Fable. She just went to go visit Corpse in the other room, guys, chill…” Felix actually stuck up for you, your face lifting in surprise as his words.

“Uh- yeah, actually, I guess that’s fair,” Jack commented, you nervously laughing in response.

“I… am so sorry to all of you,” You apologized softly, a gentle chorus of laughs following your meek apology.

“No, no, no, you’re so fine. You guys weren’t trying to broadcast whatever… that was…” Sykunno hummed awkwardly, you laughing lightly at his uncertainty.

“It was a poor mistake on my part, I’m sorry, Fable…” Corpse spoke up, you grinning at the sound of his voice.

“N-No worries… hey, we already went over this in person. Can we get back to the game?” You grumbled, another fit of laughter through the group at your excusing of the situation.

“Ahaha, yeah let’s get back into it,” Toast replied, the sound of his mouse clicking lightly being heard in the call.

You sighed, deafening yourself once again and turning back on your stream, “Hey everyone, yep… yep, everything’s fine. No worries, I promise, haha. We took a break for a little longer than expected, but we’re back!”

You un-deafened and were met with sound of a very very confused Charlie, “Wait… so… no one’s going to explain to me what happened?”

You all erupted into loud laughter, you falling back slightly in your chair as you cackled. The first voice to come back was Rae, shockingly.

“Don’t worry, Charlie… we’ll tell you later,” She snickered, you laughing along as you came back to your keyboard.

“So… we can start now, though?” Toast spoke up once again.

You began to give confirmations of “yes” with soft ‘yeah’s and ‘mhm’s. Lazy, but it got the point across.

“Cool, starting the next round…” He clicked play again and the countdown began.

“Alright, everyone, remember to MUTE your mics!” Jack spoke up, you rolling your eyes in response as Corpse’s laugh raised above the rest.

“Will do. Thanks,” He chuckled, a louder laugh sounding through the call once again from all mics.

Your screen turned dark, the red avatar of the Among Us character moving to shush you from the screen. You sighed, watching it turn dark again.

“Yeah- yeah, you’re welcome!” Jack played along, grinning softly at the joke as the screen began lighting up once against.

Your screen displayed your avatar next to Corpse’s, the bright red letters of “Imposter” reading across the computer. You raised your eyebrows, making sure you were completely muted on call before chuckling.

“Oh… Hell yeah. Let’s go…”

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - “DEMON” HOUSE

IMDB BLURB: Paranormal investigator and moldy walnut Zak Bagans documents the most authenticated case of possession in American history.

WARNINGS: Zak Bagans is a fucking asshole. Correllation is not causation. Also mentions of suicide and murder. 

RATING: An 8 out of 10 on the demon scale

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. 

Munch: I'm Munchflower Zaius, paranormal movie investigator. I've investigated like 10 terrible paranormal movies this week. I don't have a t.v. show but if I did it wouldn't be a ghost hunting show. I'm one of the leading researchers on ghosts and demonology because if Zak fucking Bagans is then so am I - and this is the movie that really fucked Biscuits up. This movie was the next paranormal activity, it was the next Asylum movie, and I went all out. I had resources like Amazon Prime, a great crew of just Biscuits, I thought I was gonna crush this review. But in the end...nothing was as it seemed.

M: Biscuits fell ill and couldn't leave his room for 8 days, he didn't feel like himself. He screamed and wailed and tore at his hair. (no really ) He drew pictures of Zak Bagans and set them on fire.  I fired him or he quit or something. Witnesses and experts ended up in the hospital and at the heart of it all was a little screwed up ghost hunter. It took us three years to write this review, we had everything we needed...but the truth is...this film is cursed. 

Biscuits: I hate this fucking movie. I have watched some terrible movies, we have reviewed some terrible movies. But this movie...this movie makes me angry beyond words. This movie makes me hate. This movie made me so furious that I not only hate it, I hate Zak Bagans, the man. I have never met him, but if I did, I think I would punch him in the balls. This review is going to be 90% me just screaming, because it makes me that mad. 

M: This is gonna be my fucking opening gif right here...

B: Oh yeah, this - there's a demon here in this fucking Amazon Prime video. He got in with his fucking 30-day free trial. Oooo it's gonna come get us! I'm so scared!!

M: ...

B: Oh, Zak "I-have-a-series-on-the-Travel-Channel" Bagins! Yeah, that makes you a qualified expert demonologist, Zak. "One of the world's LEADING researchers on ghosts and demonology" - no, no you're fucking not! What do you actually know about demons?? Also, let's add the fact that Zak Bagans is a terrible actor, and his monotone narration does nothing to improve the atmosphere of the movie.

B: It took him three years to finish this film, and it still sucks! Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad!! THREE DAYS!

B: "This film is cursed!!" Yes it is, this is the curse! It's cursed to make me angry!

M: So spoopy! I'm spooped solid, are you spooped solid? Actually, if I had to say, my spoop level is actually somewhere along the levels of 'explosive diarrhea'.

B: This movie is explosive diarrhea. That's - that's a man whistling into the microphone, subtitled as 'wind whistling'. We are Zak Bagans' therapist for a minute, helping him dissect his dreams. One time I had a dream where I traded my non-existant son for two cool posters. I don't think THAT dream meant anything. Imagine a ghost hunter having dreams about ghosts!

M: Imagine a ghost hunter.

            Pictured: Zak Bagggggans confused by electrical equipment

B: We also introduce the idea of a 12-foot-tall goat man, who never really comes up in the movie again. Is that Orcus himself? Oh shit, this is getting real. I'm not high level enough to fight a demon lord!

M: The demon vaped in my face!

B: "And I knew...this was some serious shit that meant something." I COULDN'T make that shit up. Genuinely. What does it mean, Zak? Would you care to explain? I don't know what does it mean.

B: This movie is NOT actually about the well-known Gary, Indiana story of demon posession. It's mostly about Zak Bagins fucking around.

M: Mentally masturbating himself for being some sort of sick ghost expert. Why would anyone call Zak Bagans about this? I think he made that shit up.

B: So, basically, Zak Bagans bought this house in Gary, Indiana where this alleged possession took place. A newscaster pronounces his name as 'Zak Baggins'. Guys, Bilbo Baggins bought this haunted house! He bought it because he wanted to make a movie about it.

M: Why?

B: To convince everyone that his 'ghost hunting' career is legitimate and he shouldn't have dropped out of college. Useless footage of Zak Bagans convincing some homeless people to move out of this abandoned house. Don't get them involved in this, it looks very cold and they were probably just trying to find a warm place to warm place to stay. Don't get them involved in your shitty fake documentary.

M: Also, if this house is really like, MEGA haunted, why are homeless people hanging out in it? Homeless people ain't got time for ghosts.

B: No, they have real problems. Wow, this fuckin house looks like an empty house! Oh, this is the best part - he gets a text from a psychic medium. a warning he'll 'never forget', and we'll never forget either! He shows us this obviously voice-to-texted message claiming that he saw visions of a very large demon figure and that this house is, and I quote, an '8 out of 10 on the demonic scale'.

                                          Pictured: a demonic scale. 

M: I wanna see this fucking scale. I actually googled demon scale after watching this because I had never heard of a fucking demon scale. Guess what, there's no demon scale. If you have access to this demon scale, PLEASE message me. I have a mighty need to see this thing. 

B: WHAT the fuck is he talking about? Where is this demon scale?? Who made this demon scale?? This bitch just literally fucking made that shit up and thought we wouldn't notice.

M: And again, what exactly does this goat demon have to do with the house? What is the actual connection?

B: Does he just like hanging out there? Also, insert shots of some guy in a goat suit to make it seem scary. But we know that's just a guy in a goat suit. I guess that's what the demon is supposed to look like?

B: This also pisses me off - Zak Bagans and his crew track down this poor family by finding their home address from news footage, which is stalking, because they won't return his phone calls.

B: Also, let's not forget Zak's claim that a clairvoyant said this house was 'home to 200 demons'. WHAT?? Zak recounts some of the story of the family's supernatural experiences. But this is about him now! This movie is about HIM!

            Pictured: I really want to see his artistic rendering of this demon

M: He has about as much reverence for the supernatural as I have for him.

B: Also, they film these people from their car, perhaps as though they didn't want them to know they were being filmed! Good job Zak, stalking an innocent family to record them without their consent for your shitty, self-aggrandizing ghost show. At least they had the decency to blur faces.

B: They then say they don't want to have anything to do with the documentary. Zak Bagans makes up an excuse about how things have attached themselves to him from the house. Just leave these people alone. Problem solved. However, one guy is coerced into talking about what happened during the possession, which mostly affected the kids in the house.

M: I don't discount that something actually happened to the family that lived there, that they may have had some sort of supernatural experience. That's not really what I'm trying to say here - I just don't believe in Zak Bagans.

B: Or, whether it was supernatural or not, something obviously affected them that they perceived as paranormal that made them want to move out of the house. Of course, there are more realistic explanations for many of these experiences, but that's not what we're here to debate. Zak Bagans knows jack shit about parapsychology and is just pretending to for clout.

M: Imaginary clout... Also, these reenactments are the only good part of the movie. Props to those child actors.

     Pictured: children enjoying some fortnite just before becoming possessed.

B: Also, apparently, spirits are like velcro or something. I guess you can get 'infected' with ghosts. Watch out for that coronavirus, of course, but also, watch out for GHOSTS.

B: This priest performed definitely approved and legitimate excorcisms on this house I guess.

M: It's pretty hard to get one of those these days, but what do I know...

B: Yeah, we're not the world's leading experts on ghosts and demonology!

B: Zak Bagans inserts interview footage to make his fake documentary seem legit. If it was a real documentary about the Ammonses' experience, detailing  multiple points of view with people who actually know stuff about supernatural cases and/or parapsycology, it might be a good documentary. However, it is not. Zak Bagans does not know what a documentary is. He thinks he is so cool that he is the only expert necessary because he know EVERYTHING about ghosts.

B: Zak Bagans did not film this. He found footage and has nothing to say about it. He just wants you to believe that he knows stuff. I suppose it's context. But, as I've mentioned, this documentary isn't really about the Ammons family or their experiences in this house, it's about Zak Bagans.

M: All of this is just being set up to try to lend credence to the later part of this movie, which has nothing to do with any of this.

B: Zak Bagans heard someone else was having a demon party and wanted to be invited.

M: It's POSSIBLE, but it's extremely fucking unlikely. Anything is POSSIBLE. You're leading the audience, Zak.

B: Okay, if this was just a horror movie, one of those ones that's 'based ona true story', and Zak wasn't trying to pretend that this is all 100% real, it would be fine. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. As it is, it's Zak Bagans trying to convince us all that he's so, so cool. He has found DEFINITIVE proof of demons.

B: Of course it's creepy! It's a basement! It's like saying an attic is creepy - they're ALL creepy.

B: INDISTICT BACKGROUND NOISES??? THAT DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VOICE?? Now we're getting into real ghost shit. While I don't believe Zak Bagans knows shit about ghosts or demons, he obviously has a lot of experience with indeterminate noises.

M: His entire show is indeterminate noises.

B: Ghost hunters LOVE indeterminate noises! Zak Bagans interviews a man about a weird noise on his recording. SO compelling.

B: An AM/FM radio went to static? There can't be any explanation for that other than ghosts... Zak also loves to make claims that he substantiates with NO evidence! It's almost as if he feels the FACTS might not be compelling enough. According to this police officer, the demons affect women and children physically, and 'stronger men electronically'.

M: No input on how it affects the weaker men, though.

B: Also, apparently, the epicenter of this demon outbreak is a spot of dirt under the stairs. Everybody knows dirt is demonic. Demons can't hide in concrete or solid flooring; they like a more naturalistic approach.

B: Aggravate OR abate the demon. Those seem like quite extreme options. Also, listen to the list of super spooky stuff the police officers dug up from the spot under the stairs: a pink press-on nail and PANTIES. Everyone knows a good demonic summoning ritual needs to involve lots of women's panties. VERY spooky. Also, a comb, two children's socks, a heavy bar, and a red tin. All very definitely demonic summoning artifacts and not just random items that got lost.

M: Zak refers to this pile of nonsense as a demonic altar.

                                     Pictured: one demonic altar 

B: This priest is on board too. He thinks these random objects are 100% demonic. Because of reasons. He believes it's NECROMANCY.

M: What does a priest know about necromancy? ...asking for a friend.

B: He knows it involves PANTIES.

M: I've never heard of a necromantic ritual that involves panties...not that I know anything about necromancy.

B: You know more than Zak Bagans does!

M: Ok, I am now an expert on necromancy, and hereby ALL necromantic rituals must involve women's panties...and uhh, a big stick, and a tin, and whatever else you've got laying around.

B: This cop assumed that this was a literal portal to Hell. That's where the panties came from.

M: HELL PANTIES.

B: That would be a great name for like...an all-female metal band. Or a really bad B-movie. Or both.

M: No way those panties could've gotten there any other way...demons is the only logical answer.

   Pictured: Detective Gruszka finally goes to the women’s section at Macy’s

B: THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME! No, wait, that always happens. "Half her hand went completely white" followed by a photo of half of her hand not being completely white.

                                      Pictured: a white person’s hand. 

M: Can I just take a moment again to say how much I don't like Zak Bagans?

B: So many unrelated people...confirmed that there was something on the blinds.

M: Which means...DEMONS ARE REAL! That's the only logical conclusion, right?

B: Insert shot of a spider, because that's SPOOKY.

M: Wow, it must be a lot easier to get an excorcism these days. 

M: Why did Zak Bagans record this phone call?

B: That's a very good fucking question!

M: Did he not? Is he just pulling this shit out of his ass for the camera?

B: His voice is so emotionless you can't tell.

M: Also, what relevance does this have to anything?

B: Big Hollywood producers only want money!! Unlike you, Zak, Zakary, who definitely DIDN'T make THIS movie for money or fame. This nonexistant 'other movie' about this story that is the source of all Zak's problems and DEFINITELY the reason the Ammons don't want to talk to him.

B: The homeless people and the landlord don't believe the house is haunted. That's Zak's version of trying to present a counter-point. Obviously, he never had to write an argumentative essay in school.

M: He was probably the guy in group projects who never did anything.

B: Homeless Person: "Money make you say a whole lotta stuff." Obviously, he's right.

                                   Pictured: no comment needed

B: "I'd like to find out rather the claims are real or false. I'm not here to fabricate nothing or sensationalize on anything..." ZAK.....................................go to hell.

B: You are here ENTIRELY TO fabricate stuff and sensationalize on stuff. That's why you made this MOVIE, Zakary.

M: Gosh it's crazy, it's almost as if money makes people say things.

B: It's almost as if maybe he thought you were paying him to say things for his movie. Did you slip that priest and that police officer some money 'to leave' too? "I'm not gonna tell you that until we sit down and make an agreement" YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS MONEY!

M: Zak Bagans is basically damning himself by leaving this in here...this guy's got it figured out, though.

B: He's not telling ghost stories, he's just explaining that this is profitable. Also, Zak does passively mention that there were members of the Ammons family who claim these alleged experiences did not go on. However, he doesn't understand what refuting a counterpoint actually is. It's almost like...he can't. Because, with paranomal shit, there's never enough evidence to truly confirm or deny.

M: "Wow"

B: Wow...insert 'wow' vine here. Oh, and this part where he intentionally brings up a photo he knows is fake and has been definitively debunked. SO, just don't include it!! Also, 'mold and other things' that could've psychologically affected the residents, including carbon monoxide. I have an idea, why don't we make this whole movie about a home inspector inspecting this house...

          Pictured: Munch had the mouse over the screenshot, fuck you. 

M: ALSO, all this shit is just in here to make Zak Bagans SEEM like he's exploring other avenues of explanation, which he then promptly abandons.

B: Zak Bagans has to explain to us (badly) what carbon monoxide and black mold can do to a person psychologically...perhaps causing side effects that can create or enhance the sensation that something supernatural is happening. "It's something to take into consideration." - but he won't.

B: "Some other normal explanation that was now being turned into a money grab." OH. I don't even have anything to say to that. You said it, not me. "Shit got crazy." That's how you know it's legit. Also, we are 32 minutes into this hour-and-a-half long movie, and we are now reaching the point where any sort of legitimacy goes right down the fucking toilet and we are flushed into the festering sewer of Zak Bagans' mind.

B: A family who used to live in the house shows up very conveniently to be in Zak's movie. These kids seem 'very convinced' there are demons. Some mildly supernatural hearsay is presented.

M: Also, point here - if Zak Bagans really believes that spirits can just attach themselves to anyone, then wouldn't he be deliberately endangering these people by taking them down into the basement?

B: An attributed quote that we didn't hear her say...because of course. And, if the basement reminds her of her DEAD BROTHER who used to stay there, that has nothing to do with demons, and is also a perfecty legitimate reason for her to not like going back into the basement after all these years.

                Pictured: A quote that nobody but Zak Biguns heard

M: Zak Bagans then proceeds to TELL THE CHILDREN that he JUST BROUGHT INTO THIS PLACE that demons can 'get inside of you and make you sick'. What, is he immune or something so he's not worried about it happening to him?

B: Also, this woman lived in the house in the 90s when she was only about 10 years old. It's almost as though, and I'm not making any claims here, that he wanted the Ammons family to be in his movie, and when they said no, he got a backup family to take their place in the script.

M: He knows all about possession, 'cause it happened to him.

B: No, for real. I was there. (I was the demon) He started doing ghost hunting because he got possessed once.

M: This is just an excuse for him to tell his origin story. Also, these kids look not on board at all with him being here.

B: Zak Bagans knows how to use Adobe Premiere. He's really proud of it. M: Again, if you believe all this is real, you are genuinely putting these people in danger. If they are legitimately afraid of ghosts following them, you are making it worse. Are you gonna come and save them, Zack?

M: I hate this fake 'EVP analysis' so much. "It SOUNDS like..." yeah, it can sound like anything if you tell people it does.

B: "What's wrong with this boy" is that you TOLD HIM that ghosts could latch onto him! Maybe he's SCARED because YOU SCARED HIM on purpose.

M: Then we get some black-and-white footage of Zak Bagans being a dick, and that's...proof of demons.

B: You pushed this guy a little bit. Honestly, it didn't look like you were pushing him that hard. It's also convenient that you weren't recording at the time but immediately started recording again as soon as you stepped out of the house, because this is all real, and definitely exactly how it happened.

B: These guys have to explain to Zak what he did, so that the audience can also get explained to what happened in the footage they just saw. I don't know anyone could have construed that as anything other than a genuine demonic possession.

M: He's not even a credible actor, like there's nothing believable about these performances. It's such shit. Zak Bagend must leave (for no reason) but then someone tries to break into what he repeatedly calls " My House" as if he lives there. Why would anyone want to break into his jank ass haunted house? This seems really unlikely. Zachhh says the cops won't go in the house. Too scared. Zak says it's " a different kind of haunting." Wtf does that even mean?

M: Zak is now interviewing the CPS worker from the case that this was supposed to be about.

B: Yeah you remember that?

M: No, not anymore. She seems credible, Zak Bagnnnns does not. I really don't believe he believes in any of this.

B: Yeah ask the woman about her emotional trauma, Zak. Ask a CPS worker about her trauma. Be like oh so this was a traumatic experience for you? You should talk about it with me for this shitty documentary!

M: She says her therapist told her to seek help. That's...pretty bad right? When your therapist says to seek help? Now some informative badly edited cards about things that allegedly happened in this house. Why didn't we hear anything from the home inspector who was choked in his sleep and got cancer??? That's some real shit!

                 Pictured: The one guy we really wanted to hear from 

B: This DEFINITELY had everything to do with demons. Demons are the #1 cause of cancer in the United States. They don't want you to know that.

M: Oh the fucking bike ride. On his way to do a second exorcism on Latoya ( why did she need a second exorcism?) this priest fell off his bike. Because demons.

B: Well you know it's not an exact science. I'd go so far as to say it's not science! It's not even science adjacent. Zak Bagel doesn't even know wtf science is.

M: I am literally laughing out loud. This priest says the demon was trying to figure out what would stop him from going forward with this second exorcism and the best thing this fucking demon, this 8 out 10 DEMON ON THE DEMON SCALE DEMON can come up with is knocking a dude off his bike?? Just get back on your bike, man.

B: This is my major problem with this movie, especially this second half. Zak Brainend presenting all this random shit that happened and blaming it on demons. This is the 21st century, we don't blame all our problems on demons. We don't live in the middle ages. This priest falling off his bike wasn't because of demons. 

M Correllation is not causation. This detective fucking slid on ice two days after being in the house and ended up in the ER. That is not because of demons.  Wait...is he interviewing him in the fucking ghost house?

B: And then he brings up him being shot during a home invasion and blames that on demons.

M: So he gets a call from Mika who was part of the backup family to tell him her daughter is in distressl WHY would you call Zak Braggans?

    Pictured: A girl with her face blurred out because I’m not Zak Bagans

B: This pisses me off. If this girl is actually suicidal and actually tried to kill herself, you don't put that in your shitty demon movie. If she's actually depressed and hurting herself you don't put that in there. It's not cool. It's very exploitative. You don't know anything about ths girl's mental illness or anything that's going on in her life. If this is all indeed real and not scripted, you're just a piece of shit!

M: But demons! 

B: Stay out of it Zak, this doesn't involve you. You're not a psychologist or a therapist, it's not your business. 

B: One of his crew members quits. Because of the demons.

M: And not because he thought maybe Zak exploiting a suicidal girl was bad. Where did they find this priest anyway, he seems so sketchy. 

B: I'm also pissed that they brought this suicidal girl in to have an EXORCISM. She needs mental help and therapy and a licensed person to help her. You don't give her an exorcism and go oh you're fine. When the exorcism doesn't work she's going to feel extra shitty. But whatever Zak, it's your fucking movie. You do whatever you want for your movie. Who am I to tell you what you can and can't do with a suicidal teenage girl. 

M: This confirms to me that this priest is sketchy as fuck. If he was reliable he would have said Zak no, this girl needs actual help. Zak is still blaming demons. I hate him so much. I hate his stupid douchebag face. 

B: And he sits here and puts this girl on camera and asks her questions about it. NO NO fuck you, genuinely fuck you Zak. Again, this is exploitative as shit. Trying to make cutting her wrists into being some kind of stigmata. Fuck you. This doesn't have anything with demons.

    Pictured: A religious phenomena usually experienced by the very devout 

M: Why would demons invoke stigmata anyway, that's....not how that works. 

B: It's just feels like Zak Blehgins is exploiting this family and trying to convince them that everything is demons from this house they spent 10 minutes in. Again, it's like he has no idea what he shouldn't do. Nobody thought to ask her about her feelings. If this is real she needs help and not Zak Blahggg asking her questions with a camera in her face. 

M: This poor teenage girl does not want to be in this. Her head drops and they're like OKAY EXORCISM OVER SHE'S FINE. Then Zak's psychic friendo Debbie tries to make contact with the demon remotely. Why? Why would she invite that? Does she wanna hang out?

B: Is she gonna like text the demon? Facebook messenger? How many psychic friends does he have? 

M: Oh she succeeded I guess and it said WHARBLGARBL. And then Debbie was killed in a double murder suicide.

                                           Pictured: Wharblgarble

B: Her husband murdered her and her roommate and if you really cared you would not put this in your goddamn demon documentary. Can you just leave shit like this out of it? Tie your friend's murder into your damn demons. This is why I hate Zak Biguns. He's a fucking manipulative asshole who tries to spin murder and suicide and cancer into his conspiracy theory movie about demons. ANOTHER point, the common thread among all of these stories is YOU, Zak, you could make exactly the same point about you. He also found a Hell is Real sign. Also trying to claim that demonic activity is higher in areas with high crime rates, poverty and murders. 

M: And now some facts about Gary, Indiana. 

B: And also exploiting this poverty stricken predominately black community. A segment where we explore actual problems that this place has. Zak you fucking absolute....

M: Zak is now telling us that like 5 people died there but he can't discount that someone close to the Ammonses might have cursed the house and invited the demons. Like...5 people dying there wasn't enough for you Zak? Zak's gonna go kick Latoya's boyfriend's ass because he thinks he tried to curse them with panties. That's a real thing that's happening. Zak can now tell whether people are into the occult by looking at them. 

B: Another previously unknown superpower. Maybe he has a white savior complex.

M: MAYBE? The boyfriend doesn't wanna talk. Big shock. 

B: What did you think was gonna happen.

M: This guy is a piece of work. Dr. Barry Taff, who holds a doctorate in psychophysiology. ( the study of the relationship between physiological and psychological phenomena, I had to look it up so you get to learn too, bitches ) He's gonna come and see if electromagnetic stuff is causing the demons. But everything is normal so...therefore demons. But there's a spike in the basement. That doesn't mean it's demons though. In fact, it would seem to indicate the opposite.

B: This happens on a lot of ghost hunting shows. I'm not sure what your weird electromagnetic shit has to do with ghosts but..?

                     Pictured: Zak Bagans realizing he’s a huge idiot

M: Now Zak has to go walk off again. He's being really affected by these demons. Weren't there supposed to be like 200 demons here or something? Doesn't this really do more to explain that demons aren't real? 

Z: Zak Braggins is a superconductor. He also seems genuinely surprised by what this guy is telling him.

M: That's because he doesn't understand science. Something causes him to lunge at the doctor, which is totally believable.

B: He just got mad the guy wasn't telling him it was demons. Fuck you and your science! The doctor hears a dog. Everyone knows demons bark like dogs. You said it was  goat man, why does it bark like a dog? 

M: So much footage of dudes just walking around supposedly being affected. Might be the carbon monoxide they actually detected earlier? Or the black mold?

   B: I love this part! This is fucking great. Footage of this guy walking around and then the cameraman's finger gets in the shot. It totally doesn't look exactly like what happens when you put your finger in front of the lens. Totally.

M: It's demons, obviously. The black anomaly. It's a fucking finger. They're just filming this dude walking around who seems to be ill and claiming he's touching the anomaly and shit. Take this dude to the fucking doctor. 

B: They take it to some NASA dude who enhances it and says there's no way it's the cameraman's finger. I still don't believe it's not the cameraman's finger. Oh shit, I just realized...I have fingers!

M: It might be a dick. 

B: If this cameraman and the doctor both feel faint, maybe you should just get out of the house!

M: This literally sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning which can cause nauseau, headaches, confusion, memory loss and literally every other thing except bad acting. Adam the cameraman wanders off and they find him in the basement. He later apparently starts VOMITING BLOOD??? Take this boy to the hospital! He starts screaming Zak in a weird voice so they decide to film it, natch.

                                  Pictured: Criminal negligence

B: Zak....zaaaaaaaaak i need to go to the hospital....this seems like negligence. M: Now they've lost him. Lots of footage of Adam being really aggressive for no reason. Nobody is concerned any longer about his vomiting blood. Something is wrong with this dude and you assholes are filming him. Adam wants to go to the house because of reasons that I'm sure are 100 percent legit. Maybe he's just tired of being in this shit ass movie with these shit ass friends. Zak says this is the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life. 

B: This movie is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

M: I honestly love the Adam bit. It's so fake. This dude is just being a dick on camera and Zak is like IT'S OBVIOUSLY DEMONS. Dr. Taff has a loud noise in his ear later on that wakes him up.

B: He's literally explaining exploding head syndrome. I have this, I know what it is. Characterized by loud noise you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep, and can also occur as you wake up in the night. Google it. Also not caused by demons!

M: He wakes up with blood in his ears. Go to the hospital! 

B: Or he had a stroke, or an aneurysm. 

M: Meanwhile...Adam is getting interviewed instead of going to the hospital for barfing up blood. Adam doesn't wanna be on tape but they tape him secretly because they're fucking assholes. Adam says you know what I said bruh and Zak is like omfg the goatman. 

Pictured: It’s hard to find good images because this movie is also badly badly filmed and it’s just shitty creepy shots and then Zak talking.

B: It wants you, Zak, you're the leader of the bunch. 

M: Adam has a fucking aura of freezing air and EMF around him but we don't get to see any of the instruments they're using to record that.

B: These are obviously some very trustworthy guys. 

M: They are filming him without his consent.

B: Seems to be a recurring theme. 

M: Dr. Taff finally gets to a fucking hospital where his organs are shutting down. Like every single one of them. He mentions infection in his prostate.

B: I don't think his organ failure is best explained by demons. He has a severe medical problem. 

M: All these people he's saying got sick and NOBODY fucking went to a hospital? 

B: No..my dude...you are sick. You have a medical problem, not demons. M: Oh and now Adam has been removed from the crew because he's being weird and violent. They try to get him help but Adam refuses. I think Adam just got sick of their shit. 

B: They had to make something up. 

M: You have anything you wanna say here before Zak boards himself up in the house...alone...overnight?

B: Have fun, big guy.

M: Zakkkk " I know this sound stupid..."

B: It IS stupid. You set yourself up for that one. We're gonna have a sleepover with the demons! Pictured...the tiny penis in it's natual habitat.

M: This part is so fucking dumb. It's just....deeply deeply dumb.

B: They also moved in furniture so Zak can be comfy with the demon. And then... nothing happened. Lots of shots of absolutely nothing happening. I feel like I'm watching Paranormal Activity

M: Except stuff happened in that. Now in fast forward. Zak takes off his coat. 

                Pictured: the horror of seeing Zak Bagans undress

OOH SPOOKY. Nothing is happening. At all. He sits down and checks his phone so we can learn he doesn't wanna do lights out. Why? Nothing is happening.  He just keeps opening doors. What is Sebastian? I'm arranging matches. He makes sures the door is locked. 

B: Make sure the audience knows he's boarded up in there. You so brave. So big dick macho brave. You did this, Zak. Zak is scared of the dark. It's okay. It's natural.

M: I don't know why he's bitching. He orchestrated this. OOH LIGHTS OUT. NIGHT VISION ON. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

B: This part also feels like the intro to some weird night vision demon porno, he's just walking around with a camera.

M: That would at least be interesting. Nothing is happening at all. We just keep getting time cuts to more nothing happening. Finally they will decide this is too much nothing happening and make up some shit.

B: It's almost like shit's really boring when Zak doesn't have people around to help him make up shit. Hey did you guys hear a sound? No. 

                                                Pictured: Lies

M: 4:51 am. When will this end? How much more nothing happening does the audicence need. And not to put too fine a point on it...but this house is the DEMON HOUSE. Supposedly haunted by over 200 demons and a goat-man and also an 8 out of 10 on the demon scale, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

M: Zak is getting a headache. Probably because of carbon monoxide. There's an obviously faked goat-ish noise. Zak tells it to get away because that's gonna work. Shoo, demon. 

          Pictured: A man gets mouthy while backed against a wall in fear

B: He sounds very sincere. Back the fuck up, man. Why do these dudes always try to get all up in the demon's face? Fuck you, demon. Maybe the demon just thinks you're rude. He was just trying to say hi.

M: A title card pops up to say that Zak Bagans witnessed a dark mass come out of the wall. There's cameras literally fucking everywhere but we don't get to see that.

B: Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

M: Now his eyes hurt. Which makes him yell and knock shit over

. B: Can you imagine how we feel in quarantine? He develops diplopia. Double vision. 

M: It's not that serious, Zak. Doctors can't figure out what caused it. This does not mean it was caused by fucking demons. We get updates on Kevin who apparently caught a demon from Zak. Adam went goth. 

B: Adam got tattoos and we looked him up and he makes horror movies and shit now. He just looks like a metalhead. I wanna say something here again about Dr. Taff and his diplopia. He's acting like doctors not knowing the cause of something is rare. It is not. Anyone with chronic health issues can tell you that. Tests and doctors are not infallible and it's often hard to diagnose things even if they're severe. 

M: Speaking as someone with chronic health issues, this is the case more often than not. The house has not taken a toll on you people you fucking walnut. 

B: We get a long list of correlation is not causation. 

M: So Zak decides to bulldoze the house, thus freeing the demons loose in the world to do their dark dark bidding. 

B: Or something. My theory is that he bulldozed the house so nobody could go back there and his investigation would be the FINAL word on the matter, like so he could be the ultimate authority on this case and nobody could come back and try to contest him...or try to profit off of these events after him.

M: Closing thoughts?

B: Zak Briggins seems like a complete douche. When you start the movie he's just some guy who hunts ghosts and thinks he knows things. But as it goes on, you see he's also very exploitative and manipulative and not a good guy! He takes advantage of people's deaths and mental issues and health problems to further his demon agenda. In conclusion, fuck you Zak Bagans. 

M: Zak claims that even tho the house is gone, the cops keep calling to tell him to tell him people are doing satanic rituals at the site on the regular. Why would the cops even call him for that? There's no house there. I call bullshit. On ALL of this. This story IS cursed, man. Don't expose yourself or your loved ones to the horrors of Demon House. 

B: I call bullshit on there being producers on this movie.

M: That's fair. I miss Ghost Hunters.

[cuddliestbear]

So, I have audible and I use it like all the time. Its not that I don't like just reading books but I don't have the time anymore. I'm always doing one thing or another and don't usually have the time to just sit down and read. At work, in between phone calls I have my headphones in listening to the narrators tell their stories and type away at my keyboard. At home, I will listen while doing chores, or cooking, feeding and cleaning my animals, etc.

I have just used one of my credits to get 'The Silver Eyes' audiobook by Scott Cawthon and some other lady I don't feel like looking up right now. And I've heard about it, I've played FNAF, I've watched countless videos on Game Theorists, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, NateWantstoBattle and other channels about this game.

I'm only on Chapter 7, and holy shit. I obviously know it's a horror/thriller novel, and it's going to have some thing or another to do with creepy animatronics and missing kids, but just...I guess I wasn't expecting this much? I think this book is canon, too. Like a part of whatever convoluted story is all behind the franchise.

There are spoilers ahead if you wanted to read or listen to the book yourself. You have been warned.

So, there's Charlie, for the most part, she's the main character. I don't remember if her last name was mentioned or not. She's come back to this town of Hurricane to attend a sort of memorial/scholarship giveaway in the memory of her childhood friend Michael. Who was one of the five kidnapped and missing children. and then the story goes on from there.

I just wanna note a few things I have noticed in association with the games.

First the five missing kids. We all know the suspected backstory to the first game. Five kids were kidnapped and killed then stuffed into the animatronic suits. So, that was...interesting.

Then, Charlie's childhood home...I could be wrong but for some reason it gave me serious Fnaf 4 vibes and I'm not sure how accurate that is.

The creepy thing that was in the corner of her father's workshop where he built the animatronics. It sounded kind of like an exoskeleton, and the design reminded me of Ennard, from FNAF 5. But then she made the realization that that exoskeleton was put into the Foxy suit, so it didn't add up anymore. But who knows.

The yellow bunny. Before FnafVr came out it wouldn't have meant much to me other than just the creepy guise the killer used to capture not only those five kids but also Charlie's twin brother Sammy when they were toddlers at the Fazbear Family Diner. It reminds me HEAVILY of Glitchtrap, and I don't think that is a coincidence.

Evidently, Charlie's father started the whole Fazbear franchise. The Diner, then the pizzeria, and the others as well. I have no idea about fnaf 3 or 2 or five, but there are strong connections to at least 1, 4 and the fnavr game

The Freddy Fazbear's Pizza is described to be the same one from the first game, suggesting that during the timeline, that game came before the events of the book, but after the children's kidnappings and murders.

Dave, this "security guard" is def the same dude who wore the yellow spring Bonnie suit to kidnap and kill those kids, but Dave could just be an alias. He's a relatively new character to me still because he was only introduced a chapter or two ago.

Same topic but a little less observational of the story.

I obviously know that bad shit gonna happen because the book is centered around fnaf and knowing fnaf something bad always happens.

If ANYTHING happens to Jason, I will literally kill everyone then myself. Because he is a young child and Fazbear Entertainment and children are not a good combo, bad shit happens.

Charlie, though she is the main character is kind of weird to me because she literally grew up in a room of animatronic like toys. And I do NOT gel with that shit at all. I hate hate hate hate hate freaking animatronics and have long before fnaf was a thing. Charlie was unnatural in her fondness of them and I do not trust those who are not at least wary of things that act alive but aren't.

Jessica's character may just be written this way on purpose but I kind of wanna introduce her face to a brick repeatedly. I don't like her much.

Marla is almost as bad but not in the same way. I wouldn't smack her with a brick but maybe my hand. Who in their right mind as an older sibling would let their younger brother or any younger sibling into an abandoned building where one of their friends had been kidnapped and never seen again???? Like this bitch needs a slap hard across the face for even allowing that shit. What kind of big sister are you to bring your kid brother into possible danger like that?

Then, Charlie again, this bitch legit got attacked by foxy on her second outing to this boarded up and hidden old janky place and decided it would be okay to go back???? With some sketchy dude named Dave???? Sure her friends were with her, but the bitch literally showed them all he knew a fuck ton more about that pizzeria and the operation of those animatronics than any rando property security guard ought to, and they didn't nope the fuck out and all leave?

Then, THEN. One of their friends gets fucking kidnapped right the fuck in front of Jason by Dave dressed in the Spring Bonnie suit and since Jason is apparently too fucking stupid to say that the Bonnie was yellow, Charlie nor John caught on even though both of them would have known what that fucking meant!!!!! Like Jason, my dude, I love ya, ur a cute fuckin kid, but descriptions are fucking important. You are 11, you are smart enough to figure that out.

Also, then Carlton's dad, a police officer just kind of invites them over for cocoa and claims Carlton is pulling a trick on them and will show up. Um bitch no. You're son is probs dead, and you are not even helping to find who is responsible right now. All you're worried about is that the door was chained and the kids couldn't have gotten in. Did it occur to you or your dumb as bricks co-officer Dunn that maybe just fuckin maybe the chains were put on in between the kids leaving to get help and you all coming back? Maybe like idk the kidnapper didn't want you to follow him or interrupt whatever sick and twisted things he's doing?

Anyways, I think that's it for now. I'm going to listen to more and hopefully not fucking give myself nightmares. Wish me luck.

[conspiracieys-archive]

dusan nemec, but as a supervillain. what powers would he have, where would his base be, how would he keep his secret identity if he has on, what would his super suit look like, etc.

hmmmmmm..... this is a good ask! well... let's see. long as usual so i tried to cut it under a read more (but u know mobile tumblr doesnt WORK so im sorry)

his secret identity. he keeps it secret really well, just because he's got a real good poker face and he also doesnt attack, like, places that can be traced back to him. (the exception is the DedSec hq, assuming in this au theyre the superheroes in parallel to him)

but the hq thing is covered by the fact that there ARE a lot of anti-dedsec people ANYWAY (bc there's always gotta be a few ppl who just hate the heroes). but also hacking is a commonplace thing nowadays and in the WD universe (and consequently this au), hacking is just... Insanely Huge? everyone and their mom seems to be a hacker, so if electronic fuckery happens, it's not GUARANTEED to be his fault ya know?

(also he has like... super enhanced intelligence as a ..power (see below) so like, it's not hard for him to come up w excuses or be tactical about when he does his Villainous Shit)

[ALSOOOOO -im writing this after ive written almost everything else sry- he doesn't like..... reveal he has powers. to the world, Dusan Nemec is just an incredibly good coder and he's just got a genius intellect. but his Villain flaunts his powers and takes pride in what he can do.

so it's like "Well, Dusan, do what that villain did" and Dusan sits down and like, painstakingly writes line after line of code to try and mimic the effects of his technopathy but he can't do everything technopathy can. so it's really hard to pin it on him. ppl still suspect though. they always suspect.]

--

POWERSSSSSSSS. i was gonna save this for last but then i realized: his primary power is technology manipulation. the good guys with this power would be technopaths, but he LIKES the phrase 'technology manipulation' because Dusan likes to be able to manipulate things... people... technology... to do whatever he wants.

so like before he came into his power of technopathy, he was still really, really good with coding. he'd never admit to having hacked things before working w ctos, but he has. and then... [insert backstory here] and now he can bypass the need to code and just ... MAKE ctos respond to him. he can pull up any surveillance cam at will, he can access any file remotely (we will address this in the Super Suit section), he can hack the traffic lights, he can just... do anything.

and w his personality, THAT is what makes him a supervillain.

if you don't have ctos or blume devices in your house, he bypasses ALL of it and forces Blume and ctos software to install. hell, your sexy Samsung smart fridge? literally now it's just been forcefully turned into a Blume fridge. w his remote access he can just turn any phone he passes into a ctos phone. like only another technopath (DedSec - technopathy would be one of the biggest requirements to get into the core of DedSec) can prevent Dusan's abilities from infecting and destroying and essentially controlling their technology.

he also has slightly superpowered intellect. which i think is a stupid ability but also i'm giving it to him anyway cuz he's considered a genius within the wd universe. so why not throw in the fact that his mind itself, aside from technopathy, has been quite altered and has significantly more improved functioning than the rest of us.

and lastly he does have an Eidetic memory. which isn't rly a superpower by itself but in combination w superpowered intellect and technopathy makes it an asset to his power set, ya know?

he can and will remember exactly who has ctos installed, who doesnt, if he had to do it or if they were willing, etc.

and he definitely remembers every little tidbit he finds abt DedSec

--

ok so since we've established he's a technopath now, and we know there are weird basement levels of Blume's HQ, at least 3 rooms are just HIS to use. like no one, not even another technopath, can access them. just bc he has Blume HQ fortified to the nines. i mean DedSec could probably TRY and maybe succeed at getting into Blume HQ itself but like, they won't get into his underground base.

like no one knows that three rooms off of the server rooms are even... there? he's got sexy hidden doors. like false servers?? where to the eye they look and glow and flicker like proper servers but they're secret doors. legit no one knows they EXIST much less how to GET TO THEM. his HQ is, like, solid af

--

super suit. ok like the main thing is he has a helmet. like.... a fitted full head helmet w tinted tempered glass in the screen. it's all black on the outside, and like nice cushy fuckin memory foam on the inside (sleek and black too ofc) and the visor is also a computer. (remote access!)

his base outfit is a black fitted body suit that is also, like, technologically fitted?

i just want it to be glowy ok?? he also has it programmed so that when he uses his technopath abilities and channels them thru his hands, his finger tips light up bc he's just That Bitch.

in theory his helmet visor/screen could emote like Wrench's mask

over his body suit, he has like. ok bear with me but like. skinny black sweats? they're not super tight or super loose. they sit low on his hips and end mid calf. i love Dusan and i love his sweats ok. he wears them always i'm trash.

also he's stupid and has shoes build into his body suit basically? like they're really nice and have good support and they're just... part of the body suit.

no he does not wear anything over the top of his bodysuit. also obvs the body suit is like, from his chin to his toes, w long sleeves and gloves as well.

his glowy bits are like, sleet and soft grey.

it's gotta be weird cramming his dumb beard into his suit and helmet but he does it. for fashion and to give away as little as possible in regards to his identity.

oo also he has like a speaker in his helmet that works as a voice scrambler. so it's like. even harder to trace to him, and w his technopathy he can change the scrambler at will.

like deadass one time he attacks DedSec he makes his voice scrambler sound EXACTLY like Wrench and it's shaking.

he doesn’t have any visible logos, just cool tech-y lines down his sides, arms, and legs. probably his back too? by tech-y lines i mean the kind you see on microchips and stuff.

--

ok let's talk abt weaknesses bc i rambled abt how GOOD his technopathy is.

but bc of his superior intellect, and just based on canon stuff, Dusan is... like the ULTIMATE stereotyped villain in that he just... loves to Monologue.

so it's easy to drop a virus into his system if you just keep him talking.

like say he's showin down w DedSec and he has all but Marcus tied up and he's gettin ready to kill Marcus but Marcus gets him monologuing so, like, Wrench can use his own technopathy to manipulate a virus into Dusan's suit.

the thing is, Dusan is aware 99% of the time. he's aware of his suit's system. he's aware of how his system connects back to Blume HQ and his private offices off the server room. he's aware 99% of the time of everything

but when Marcus fucking Holloway plays dumb as a box of rocks, Dusan Nemec canNOT help but mockingly explain things to him. and Marcus is used to ppl thinking lesser of him, so it's really easy to play it up until...

WELL, YA KNOW???

n Marcus fucking BOOKS IT to save DedSec while all sort of DS imagery is popping up on Dusan’s visor screen and Ode to Joy but, ya know, the DedSec version all loud and violent, is BLARING into his ears and he cant THINK and he’s scrambling and by the time he can get his brain to focus and force out the virus, DedSec is gone

(he never learns, either. but sometimes it’s Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture or some shit. it’s always a different violent crescendo of a classical song, ok? he never ever learns but he comes to DESPISE classical music.)

that’s like, his biggest weakness. he can’t help but, well, mansplain when he thinks he’s better than everyone in the room (which is always) and someone asks a stupid question. he’s such a jerk in canon, and this au/concept makes it worse bc he has like, veritable proof that his brain is more capable than others.

--

and, for the grand finale of this answer, Dusan Nemec’s Super Villain name...

i have NO FUCKING CLUE. here are some options:

the Coder, the Hacker, MicroGhost??? bc he like... can come and go like a ghost??? microchip, fantasy name gen just gave me Incognito which is so stupid i love it??? idk give me suggestions.

tysm for the ASK. let’s get back on this DUSAN SHIT

[ofjeremy-blog]

╰☆╮ FRANCISCO LACHOWSKI ─ JEREMY CHAVEZ identifies as CIS MALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a MODEL/ACTOR, and they’re only TWENTY FOUR ! they’re said to be +CHARMING, but also -REMORSELESS. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE PARADOX in the tabloids.

i’d like to start off by saying thank u for opening this shit post! my name is ellie and it’s too cheesy to say you’re watching disney channel so! can’t say that! anyways i’ve been dying to use chico for 10 years and just never did and saw this rp in the tags and was like? o? and now im here! ive been dying to use chico for 10 years but do i know how im playing him or wtvr? nope! but i’m still here please still tolerate me thank u xx 

background info

born n raised in manhattan! 

comes from old portuguese money. his family has always been rich and i’ve just now decided that it’s because they migrated from brazil and started some company like? or maybe they were investors who invested in hella shit and that’s how they kept their money. the chavez family are old money investors and i’m adding in socialite to that. the mom could have a skincare business that’s successful too we’ll go w that. 

doesnt know what it’s like to struggle he was given everything he ever wanted and kinda knew what humble meant but it was only because of kendrick lamar telling him to be sit down n be humble 

he grew up going to some rich elite private school and were his grades ugly? i mean lowkey but did he give a shit? no bc again he doesnt know the meaning of struggling and he knew his parents could just pay off whatever the fuck he did so i mean? to him? school was a time for socialization and he wasnt really into studying he kinda just went bc all his friends did u feel 

he didnt try much in school but he was also a good guy during this point. he was friendly n didnt know the meaning of being humble  and also used his money to his advantage  but he was still a good guy at this point u kno like. think of joey from friends i have that inspo for him u know? like goofy, into flirting w the ladies, etc. kinda ditzy but he’s hot and 6′3″so i mean? 

anyways he fucked around in high school but then junior year maybe he got a steady girlfriend that actually lasted after the short lived relationships he had to lasted at most 2 weeks. he fell in LOVE love w this girl and they were together n couldve been that cute couple u kno

jere was WHIPPED whipped, but then something happened and they broke up n that shit hurted

like most boys who get their heart shattered, jere never learned how to recover and instead started playing w girls n shit. he decided to bleed onto others instead of patching up his own wound and now hes a hurt dumbass who hurts others thinkin it’ll help him (it doesnt! surprise! wish men knew that!) and like. literally trembles when commitment is mentioned or even asked of him like? 

commitment? ded dont kno them 

anyways since he wasnt booksmart and didnt give a shit about high school, he didnt go to college (his dad hated that shit and the mom didnt really give a shit. she was a socialite n cared for appearances and he was an investor who wanted a smart son but jere said fuck his dad wanting brains 4 him n listened to his mom when she said appearance is key

he started modeling and is now slowly getting into acting. he hasnt done  much big acting roles but im gonna say hes been guest starring on hella shit n getting recurring/minor roles for now

thats it for background info! 

personality info

so! like in the background when i mentioned his heart hurted after being dumped end of senior year he started playing woman and was no longer the whipped sappy hopeless romantic that he used to be! 

he’s still a nice guy, but his intentions w girls r just for the fuck n no commitment. he’s like the three sisters in hercules. he sees string n goes snip snip 

 idk why im calling him the paradox but ! for him he like appears to be a good guy and he is to an extent (hes kinda like joey but like a more successful actor kinda with a shittier personality) but like hes the big bad wolf when hes not trying to act like an innocent grandma

he’ll b upfront w girls n tell them that hes not looking  for anything serious but then he’ll play them up and be really good to them and literally just string them along and then go in for  the kill when he knows theyre hooked n then he’ll place the blame on the girl/boy/wtvr by saying “i told u in the beginning i dont want anything more.  this is on u” like that type of bullshit u feel

basically like in the quote he acts all innocent but in reality hes a shit head who looks like a good guy but hes really not n its all bc he got hurt ONCE (literally once) and then decided he didnt need 2 b careful or consider w others hearts. 

men r disgusting sometimes 

and thats basically jere! 

his personality is heavily like joey but when it comes to girls he plays them like the quote says! he looks like a golden boy but really hes like that ugly brown after uve mixed all the colors 

and thats it! 

connection ideas

the highschool sweetheart that broke his heart. she doesnt have to be the same age as him, but would have lived in manhattan during their high school years and it wouldve happened during his junior and ended during the end or even like mid end of his senior year! 

since he’s joey it’d b cool to have a chandler! give me that shit fuckin’ love brotps bro

maybe a brother/sister like relationship? some sibling type of relationship? im gonna say he had an older sister and an older brother but hes not that close w them bc the age gap being 4+ years (not small but hes dumb) 

for him it’d b cool to have unrequited crushes! fwb! one night stands gone wrong or ended beautifully! anything like that the more the merrier for him he loves things that gives n can receive pleasure xx

brotps!!!! love brotps so much give me any brotps im literally the biggest slut for brotps always 

enemies would b legit?? maybe they just dont like him bc hes a dumb ass who doesnt kno how to be humble or bc hes just a dumb rich boy?? maybe he fucked w their significant other n cheated or something?? maybe he played w their hearts n pulled the “i told u i dont do commitment” bullshit n strung them along n now they hate him? enemies r legit we love that shit too

and thats its! 

basically any plots im down for jere is kinda just out there hes just living his life we love connections n if u dont wanna plot then! thats ok too we can just go w the flow n decide on the spot when a reply happens or something u know! if u do wanna plot tho then u can message me on the side or like this post or reply to  this post n ill come to u and u know anything ya! thank u 4 reading this shit post if u got this far u really r the real deal love u thank u

[cvenir]

imma try this again bc i said y’know fck it (heh) bc i need to introduce these characters before making proper bios ok here we go

so actually since i did do zella, felix, and gwenna’s bios, i’ll actually just leave them out of the intro bc like.... i have 8 more lmao so like here you can find their bios in the first three circles n also imma link all the pinterests aGAIN bc they probably do more than i can

these are gonna be crude n real cut n dry but let’s face it who has time to read everything abt all 11 ok this is for US

CHRISTOPHER ‘KIT’ MILLER looks an awful lot like DONALD GLOVER. HE is THIRTY-TWO and while they’re MAGNETIC, they have a tendency to get pretty MERCENARY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DEGAS PARK by KEVIN ABSTRACT.

ok so kit is my son !! he is kinda a shitty person but it’s a result of his upbringing entirely like he was raised in a household of self-obsession and pre-occupation with the material things. aka he’s like filthy rich bc his parents are well-known in the entertainment business

his father is a rlly big time actor like he is thaT GUY ( my star wars lovin ass likes to pretend he’s billy dee williams bc lando unite but anyway unrelated ) and his mother is a super awesome film director so he grew up with that hanging over his shoulders. his dad was always really hard on him and pushed him to become an actor too but he isn’t abt that life (only to spite his dad lbr)

also his parents were lke actively trying not to have kids so his dad always kinda held that against kit and resented him from day one meanwhile his mother embraced it so :/

his mom is everything he ever dreamed of in a mother, and even tho she was always a bit too busy for him, she never let it affect their relationship and they’re still very close

so yeah kit is that fancy ass man like he bathes in the opulence. he doesn’t do much but gamble and parade his wealth around –– except he has invested in many businesses so like he can be p serious n focused on that sometimes bc like

$$$$

also he loves his ladies. like a lot. pls someone allow him to be the suGAR DADDY WE ALL DESERVE!!! but fr no that’s his biggest downfall like in his song inspo he can get very caught up in his emotions and rlly lose his head bc like he is calm cool and calculating and distant for the most part but once he gets attached it’s like he craves the connection and he can get very lost

anyway also bring me a plot where they may have grown up together and he’s very defensive over them like he doesn’t always get close to people but this person means the world to him and maybe he’s been lowkey in love his whole life but like whatever who talks abt feelings n ruins something so special he could never

yeah so idk what more to say at this point so yeah hmu w questions bc i could probably go off again

ROSALIND LEPAGE looks an awful lot like ADELAIDE KANE. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR and while they’re RESILIENT, they have a tendency to get pretty QUIXOTIC You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to MELTING by KALI UCHIS. 

okay now this is my baby. she is a sweet lil buttercup and only wants the best in life but it never comes to her ugh i’m wounded.

so she was born and raised in kola, v much small-town girl vibes. she absolutely loves it here but since growing up the town was really been stained by disappointment :/ when she was seventeen both of her parents like went missing just like completely disappeared leaving her and her six-year-old sister just completely alone which really fucked up her plans bc she was already accepted to a top-tier music school in new york for college for her passion for violin but she had to turn it down bc her sister was now her responsibility 

so she dropped out of highschool and got her ged and immediately entered the work force, leaving her dreams in the dust. she still plays every now and then, especially whenever there’s an open mic night at the coffee shop where she works like girl plugs in her amp n everything i love her

anyway like she doesn’t resent anyone or blame her sister bc she’s just so compassionate and selfless like she didn’t hesitate to change her life to support her sis but it does still kill her to know that her life just kinda never took off and probs never will. but now she just channels all that sadness into fighting to make sure her sister doesn’t end up stuck like she did

so yeah she’s just a huge sweetheart who loves doing things for others and she’s so so soft like someone hold my lil muffin :/ she can get way too caught up in dreams sometimes but y’know that’s life!!!

DIEGO CABRERA looks an awful lot like XAVIER SERRANO. HE is TWENTY-THREE and while they’re VIVACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty ERRATIC. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DO IT AGAIN by NO ROME.

so one of the messiest children ever, he is here. ngl i got a lot of inspo from adam sackler from girls for my son diego so if u feel me, word. 

basically pls meet the world’s biggest narcissist –– he’s just like appalling sometimes but he really is trying his best. my boi grew up in kola and always planned on moving to LA to pursue his dream of being an actor and wow is he perfect for that bc my guy is the most dramatic and expressive hot mess you’ll ever find

his mind is always moving 100 miles a minute and he just says the craziest things ??? like he doesn’t know where to stop. diego is super passionate abt his own life and what he wants to do and what he believes; he won’t let you forget it either. he’s always here to share a piece of his mind whether you want it for not and he’s not afraid to turn people away bc his opinions are valid !!

like he’s sooo selfish and doesn’t even hide his own agenda, but ngl once you get him attached there’s no going back like he really gives everything his all and will devote anything it takes to procure happiness for those he loves

like he’s rrlly terrible but he truly has a good head on his shoulders and a good heart in his chest n it’ll beat for u rll hard if u earn it (thru his means ofc)

like when i say god complex i mean it

but c’mon pls give me the plot where like this person pined after him for such a fuckin long time and he legit only used them for sex n didn’t even hide it (like fr seconds after rolling over he said ‘so are you gonna leave now ? bye) bUT y’know they’ve been hooking up for so long to where he actually got invested and wanted them to come to his rehearsals and share his passion w them and they just like ..... stopped caring all of a sudden. so now he’s sad boi and mad boi bc after basically begging for him to give a fuck they up and ran when his heart got invOLVED LIKE FUCK ME fr this is the song and i need this connection pLS LOVE ME

anyway he’s a mess but i love him

PIPER KOVALSKY looks an awful lot like EMMY ROSSUM. SHE is TWENTY-SEVEN and while they’re NURTURING, they have a tendency to get pretty CALAMITOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COFFEE & CIGARETTES by VIC MENSA.

awhh pipes.... my poor bb. she is also quite the mess!! 

but lbr it’s all her fucking fault lmao like her life literally never took off but she has no one to blame but herself. like she just really has a talent for ruining things whenever they get good and she doesn’t even try too my bb just does not think abt ramifications ever

piper was also born and raised in kola but she’s hopped around from area to area bc she can’t keep a lease going to save her life

or a job

she’s a big fan of cigareetes and alcohol and partying but whenever she indullges in anything they kinda have a perfect way of getting her in trouble. like she really wants to stop living like a vagrant but her cyncicsm really gets her down so she barely tries

she has a few siblings that she really wants to protect bc they’re headed down her path as well but she can’t even keep her life straight ugh :/

but ok so she’s truly the biggest softie on the inside like she cares soooo fucking much and she does a terrible job at pretending she doesn’t. but ya girl still tries!

ok so time for me to go off abt a wanted connect!!!! so her song is coffee & cigarettes and it’s a bop find it here pLS and i just really feel in my bones that this should be a connection ok. give me that high school lovers that were never lovers bc all piper could focus on was her own self-destruction n rlly living it up so she just completely shut this person out when it finally became real :/ so yeah it’s a fucking mess and she’s never truly moved on

anyway i should probably move onto the next muse lmao

MALCOLM WEST looks an awful lot like REECE KING. HE is TWENTY-TWO and while they’re JOCULAR, they have a tendency to get pretty CAVALIER. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to EPITAPH by HIPPO CAMPUS. –––––– may or may not be inspired by jake peralta

when i say he’s a goofster i mean he is a goofster and a gaffster ok

my tiny son who just wants to be a big bad detective and fight crime and just crack jokes along the way he is the meme king and he’ll let you know it

he grew up in atlanta where both of his parents were cops so he really just always dreamed of being just like them one day 

until his dad told him he’d never make it. that crushed his spirit entirely and ever since then he really kinda just figured out who his dad was ?? he caught him cheating on his mom and also just being a dirty cop and it just broke his heart bc that was his hero. and y’know malcolm gooddoer and fighter for justice so he went to his mom with this discovery and she just kind of admitted that she knew abt all of it but couldn’t do anything abt it so... he just kinda left and moved to kola to start over

he entered the police academy there as soon as he possibly could (18 i think maybe 19 if i’m dumb ) and just did not stop working his ass off and doing all kinds of paperwork and bust until he finally reached detective just a week ago

don’t get me wrong ya boi hates paperwork but he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do !!

anyway he’s a clown but he loves life and and even tho he’s a child he can take some things seriously

aside from his true feeling heh who ?? i don’t know her n imma just tell a joke or do an impression or smth instead

alsO idk if anyone knows chew the comic series but he dEF IS GONNA HAVE THOSE POWERS FOR THE SUPERHERO/SUPERNATURAL THREAD stay tuned

CAMBRIA SONG looks an awful lot like JENNIE KIM. SHE is TWENTY-ONE and while they’re IDEALISTIC, they have a tendency to get pretty WHIMSICAL. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to MARCELINE by WILLOW.

ok first of all her pinterest is a whole ass aesthetic and u basically see everything she’s abt on there 10/10 would reccommend

now this is a smol bean that is also a bad bitch and we stan !! she’s your astrology loving, extra ass, witty lil witch and she loves adding in her two cents! she’s a sweet lil thing but her bite is bigger than her bark so watch out fr

mostly imma have her in the supernatural verse (witch heh heh), demi-god verse (u kno she’s hecate’s daughter), n maybe the horror verse bc i want my bb to be a medium like lorraine warren that’s my girl!! 

other than that catch her throwing out ur natal chart, charging n cleansing her cyrstals, n offering free tarot readings! really she has her mf shit together n loves helping ppl w spiritual awakenings ok

here is a pic of her two sides conversing ok big meme here

anyway i’m a big fan of her pinterest and i hope that gives everyone a good vibe for her bc tbh i’m tired lol

so imma do my other three muses in another post tomorrow bc !!! ya girl is feeling lazy now lmao sry this took so long geez

[sinditia]

Supernatural 13x12

It’s actually HILARIOUS how not terrible this is.  Not only is this not terrible, it’s actually FUCKING GOOD.  Like.  I know Yockey is literally magic.  I legit thought they were punishing him for giving us too much gay so they gave him this “love spell” monstrosity to deal with.  I am so curious on how it works up in their headquarters, how people are allocated things, how much say do the writers get in the overall arc down to the details of the script.  Like if anyone has any insight in this, please let me know.

Okay so.  First of all, I’m digging the way this whole “love spell” buffoonery is dealt with.  It’s completely over the top, irrevocably comedic, and so obviously ridiculous because it is.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  They might as well have been playing Careless Whisper the entire time.  I also did not hate the Doublemint Witch Sisters.  They’re portrayed as vapid and selfish, and don’t hate me, but I can’t help but make parallels between them and our favourite hunter brothers.  I mean, it’s a long shot, but I can’t help but think the brothers have been where they are and that nature is still within them, that drive to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals and refusing to accept help.  I mean, the Winchesters are obviously not like that now, but they could be. I accept and expect disagreement about this, carry on. 

The really intense way Dean says, “… there’s no such thing as fifth base.”  Fuck me up, my poor bisexual.  Also, I love Brenda.  She and Dean should go on hunts together.

I love the way Cas is written here.  This is the second time he annoyed his way out of captivity though this time it’s by channeling Lucifer’s “rage” or whatever.  I love how snarky he is and that shit-eating smirk and boy oh boy the way he smote that demon is like *fans self* I must be in hell cause that was HOT.  I love the way he spoke about Jack, how proud he sounded. I LOVE that meta bit where Cas goes, “he doesn’t even look like you” to Lucifer.  Yeah, Cas, he actually looks like YOU! I love that Cas was written to be smart in this episode.  He was calm, calculated, and he stabbed Lucifer.  He did learn from his mistakes.  There was really no reason for him to keep Lucifer alive.

I’m conflicted about Lucifer. I LOVE Lucifer as a character and Mark plays him so well.  When Cas and Lucifer stood together in hell and fought their way through the demon pawns, I was feeling some type of way.  Like, here we have the two most rebellious angels in creation.  There’s just something about it.  But because of all the irl drama surrounding the actor, it’s distracting me from his performance as Lucifer and I just can’t enjoy it that much. So he’s not dead.  I don’t know whether I wish he was or not. On the one hand, there’s a kind of poetry in its anticlimax if he did die that way.  On the other hand, he’s been such a huge part of the the fuckery that is Supernatural I suppose a more epic kind of closure is more appropriate.

I am absolutely LIVING for all the lovely Sam moments.  YES GIVE ME ALL THE SAM!! The first half of the episode I was just like nodding, yes, yes, this episode is actually not terrible.  By the 28 minute mark during the talk between Sam and Rowena, I was just like, YES THIS IS FUCKIN INSPIRED GODDAMN YOCKEY YOU ARE A GOD.  I LOVE that we’re addressing just how much Lucifer has fucked up Sam.  “I’ve seen his true face.”  Lucifer has touched Sam in a way that is just beyond comprehension.  Sam was manipulated since before he was even born, molded by demon blood into a vessel, tortured both in and out of hell.  Like, that’s major.  And he still has the capacity to empathize with Rowena and help her. I just love Sam so much.  I love that we are seeing more of him.

Meanwhile Dean is … struggling to understand?  I don’t know. I kinda feel for Sam more, here. I feel his frustration.  I know Dean’s been tortured for decades in hell too, he’s not a stranger to that violence.  But there’s a certain feeling of deep violation and something really personal about the hell Sam went through that I don’t think Dean can fully comprehend. Sam told Rowena, “I could (talk to Dean).  He’d listen. But it’s not something … I know how to share.”  Then they had a talk in the bunker kitchen (I have a theory about the merits of bunker-talk vs car-talk, but maybe in another post), and at exactly 38:56, I exclaimed, “Dean” in the exact same way that Sam did, at the exact same time.  I know Sam, it’s frustrating.  Dean means well, really well, we know that.  We could see how worried Dean is and he desperately wants to help.  But he doesn’t know how, and his words ring hollow.  I think what was unsaid was that Sam needs a win, just like Dean did before.

I swear to God, Chuck, whatever. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say this is one of the best episodes of the season.  Yockey, I will never doubt you again.  I just love the way he makes every second count.  He could fix a million bucklemming holes with a few seconds of dialogue.  Cas has been calling everyday, that’s why we’re not worried (arguably, the fact that he calls everyday maybe should make them worry since it’s so inconsistent with the way other writers have been writing him, but whatevs).  Asmodeus’s weird powers isn’t Lucifer’s thing, just random tricks he picked up.  The Sam-Rowena talk took literally 3 minutes but it was one of the most profound moments that provided valuable depth to not only the plot of the season, but also for Sam’s characterization and the dynamics between the brothers.  I mean, THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE, PEOPLE!  Can Yockey give a seminar on this up at HQ or something? Fuckin hell.

Well, to be fair, I guess even he can’t fix the whole thing about Dean and Sam unnecessarily pausing just enough in their hunt to get flung into walls.  But I can forgive him for that, I guess.  It’s almost an SPN classic at this point.

Oh and how can I forget the ending.  I got chills.  I got literal goosebumps seeing Rowena break through her chains and her eyes started GLOWING BLUE??  Am I reading too much into this, but could it be, is it possible that maybe she’s … an angel? I dunno.  Fuck me up, man.  Goddamn, I wish all SPN episodes were like this.  I am SHOOK.

[tempestshakes01]

3/24/19

Here’s another entry in this embarrassing public online diary (I love it.):

Health: 4/10 

The weird cough is still lingering, but now it’s gotten a bit worse in the daytime. I’m still hacking up mucus until I vomit (or moan and cry to NOT vomit because I just ate and I’d rather NOT throw up a bacon burger, thanks) and it’s fuckin miserable. I’m worried that if this lasts, I’ll have to fly like this and my flight is an overnighter--prime cough/nausea/vomit hours. UGH. 

Other than the cough and my persistent jaw acne, I’m the perfect picture of health. I feel great. 

Well, no. My ass has a massive bruise because yesterday I slipped down Leah’s stairs (wood laminate is slippery as hell in socks!) running to the bathroom to...ugh...puke up a glob of mucus and bits of burger. 

But other than that! 

Work: 7/10

I still feel like I did something wrong and no one is telling me. I’m friendlier and peppier now that the winter blues (read: depression) are slipping away with the sunny skies and warmer weather (all that snow--16 inches on the ground at the start of the month--melting), but I think the damage is done. 

Except, other than not being super chatty, I’m not sure what the damage is. The only admin that’s normal is the principal. We’re getting along great! A few colleagues are still the same including Mr. Married Lumberjack whom I had a crush on.  

I’m probably paranoid though. I’m also bored out of my mind. Things are smooth for 85% of the time and that’s...great, but also...it’s too smooth and I feel judged doing more because Veronica is gone. 

Okay, so that most likely makes no sense, but it’s how I feel. 

Home: 9.5/10

Things are superb with my parents. I’m headed to D.C. with my mom next week (along with every 8th grader in America...I’m so stupid...) and we’re going to try to keep it as civil as possible when it comes to politics. My dad is texting, but not smothering me with attention. In fact, I should call him more.

My sister seems to be doing...the same. Lots of astrology posts on the gram, but no mention of Paris (her potentially mentally-ill ex) so that’s a relief. The kids are doing great as well. Nick and I are texting more often. He even asked my advice about our parents which was new. I want to ask him about Alyssa because I’m still utterly curious about that situation, but I know he’s still hurting over it and the fact that he had a “quarter-life” crisis when he was working 50+ hours, going to school full time, and interning at the church. He’s decided to graduate as quickly as possible, quit the preacher path, and stay in the coffee game. 

Apparently, he got a promotion and a raise, so he’s making really great money. Plus, he’s like...super passionate about coffee. More passionate than he ever seemed about Jesus or school. 

We’re currently fighting about NCAA brackets and our current favorite music, and it’s great. 

Friends: 6/10

Reconnecting with Jack and Nicol is super nice. I just don’t know how to proceed and how quickly and if I’m an annoyance. I also want Nicol without Jack as well, but I don’t want to offend either of them (not that I think it would! but the chance makes me hesitate...) and they’re such a partnership that I wonder if it IS a big request to separate them. 

We went to see Us today and I didn’t like it very much. We’re going to see Back to the Future on Tuesday at the old theater. They invited me to the former; I invited them to the latter. I trust this will all work out.

Gosh, and I don’t trust Leah at ALL which is wild because I probably hang out with her the most out of anyone, but yeah. There’s something about that girl that I don’t trust. 

Went on Facebook and saw a photo of my childhood best friends (we were a trio: Valerie, Kristina, and I). They were on a backpacking trip together in Alaska. They live entirely different lives, but they still maintained a great friendship over the years. God, and they went into chemical engineering so they’re both making BANK, but they’re the most down-to-earth women. 

I don’t know...I guess it makes me think...for the billionth time...how different my life would be if we’d never moved from El Paso. 

El Paso was idyllic. My childhood consisted of bike rides out into the desert, street games with a plethora of neighborhood boys, summer secrets and stars, theme parks and athletics, best friends who were boys that I knew I could fall in love with, best friends who were girls and I knew I could trust with my whole heart. I lived a good life there. 

When I left, things started to peel apart, but it sort of seemed--for the most part--most of the El Paso crew grew up in the same way they had been...in that easy, perfect sunset sort of way. Most everyone I grew up with went Homecoming and Prom and did senior sunrise and went to good schools where they did the greek life and then got jobs in the sciences or medicine or moved out to Hollywood. They’re utterly normal and successful now in a very...the way they tell you things will go in life. 

Anyway, that childhood best friend I thought I could fall in love with? Went through a long-haired rave phase circa 2012/13, but is currently dating a white girl who wears cowboy boots, no makeup, and studies sports medicine in the same grad program as him. It’s the way things were supposed to be and it’s just weird to see their lives (through the filter and lens of social media) go so simply. Also, his hairline is going and he looks bloated, so the white-half is coming for him in the aging process, ha. His Mexican mom still looks BOMB, so poor guy for inheriting his dad’s hair follicles. 

And anyway, that childhood best friend I could trust with my whole heart? Dating a republican future politician named John Smith and traveling South American for the next couple weeks working in various hospital and women’s health care. She’s a nurse and probably a damn good one. She got her boobs done a couple years ago and I sometimes wonder if we’d still get along. 

Media: 5/10

This is a bullshit category just to give a VM hot-takes, but I’ll play into my own bullshit. 

I’m not watching any TV except B99. I watch about 3 movies a week and I try to make 1 a classic or a “difficult” title. I watch mostly youtube, to be honest. I like Hot Ones, Bon Appetit, Jenna Marbles, theTryGuys, Tasty, Brave Wilderness, Millenium Dance Complex ‘n’ adjacent choreographers’ channels, and various media video essays. 

I’m reading a lot of books...but they’re all YA. Which isn’t bad! I’m just laughing that it took me reading Airborn by Kenneth Oppel (my favorite adventure YA book) out loud to the students to remind my dumb reading brain how fun books could be. Apparently, I’m a fantastic reader and I do wonderful voice and I make the story seem like a movie. We’re on the sequel and I’m about to start the His Dark Materials series.  

That Worlds podium? TRASH. Justice for S/B. 

Yeah, so I’m on a VM cleanse, right? Cause with the winter and all the crazy, it was just an unhealthy piece of media in my life. I miss the GC though, but that’s about it, lol. Oh, and with the new content (I tried to resist!) it’s clear that I did miss them doing their thing and I need to unload some of the thoughts whirling in my head. 

Ugh, I have thoughts about the whole timeline of events because I see people questioning or backtracking, and I’m like? We seriously went through an awful series of events that made all the previous weirdness make sense (but left lingering brand-new weirdness). Except that’ll just bring back old feelings that I’m trying to move on from. 

Geez, I can’t believe I’m about to talk about them in a gossip-y way again, but uh, I’m glad that they seem to be repairing their friendship and that Scott legit looked happy. The vibes are definitely friendship so far, or like, 2015-vibes. Which who knows where that will lead in the future? Will they do things messy like last Fall/Winter? Do they think they can try again or are they now afraid of fucking this up so badly they can’t come back from it? Are they going to accept each other as only friends and maintain those boundaries? You love me, real or not real? WHO KNOWS. I hate this ride.

Also, I’m aware of some of the gossip because I’m fool who caves from time to time for a few minutes and I remember (god, again, I hate that I’m still invested even with this time off) that J was selling her Coachella tickets, and now it’s been announced that VM are doing that show in Korea which takes place the same days as a Coachella weekend. So. Yeah. I’m putting my money on J being in Korea because why sell the tickets (just take a friend), but I’m also still wondering if this is all going to end up like Klawes-era. 

Literally, I wake up believing 100% that J’s gonna be the one Scott’s going to marry because it’s just that time. Then, I go to sleep 98% believing that no matter what, somehow, someway, Tessa and Scott are going to end up together. 

inTERSTIngLY, I have neglected to message Tinder matches the past couple weeks and I believe 50% of the time that I’m going to end up alone because I’m not even trying. (Cut me some slack though. I haven’t had an acne flare-up this bad in years and it’s wrecking my confidence.) 

Music: 10/10

I take hour drives out of town and find obscure trails and I hike for an hour...and let me tell you my Spotify is killing it. 

Current favorite songs:

How Do You Know - CALIPH (you know what I’m thinking) 

Stone Street - MS. WHITE (fun)

anything from Oliver Tree (his music speaks to me as does his fucking stupid meme humor)

Wow. - POST MALONE (sue me)

anything from Duckrth (so much fun) 

Charms - ABEL KORZENIOWSKI (don’t imagine VM dancing to this)

The Cheek of Night - ABEL KORZENIOWSKI

Sucks - ANGELO MOTA (dark and atmospheric hip hop that makes me wish I could dance cause it’s calling to me to choreograph something to it)

bury a friend - BILLIE EILISH (lol I can’t dance, but I’m learning Kodish choreo for this as a workout) 

Beverly Blues - OPIA (a summer jam)

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

-

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 

-

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

-

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

-

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

-

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

-

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

-

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

-

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

-

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

-

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

-

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

-

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

-

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 

-

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 

-

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

-

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

-

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

-

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 

-

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

-

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

-

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

-

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

-

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

-

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

-

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

-

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

-

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

-

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

-

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

-

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

-

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 

-

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

-

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

-

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

-

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

-

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

-

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

-

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

-

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

-

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

-

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

-

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

-

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

-

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

-

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

-

ema: can i fuck off now

-

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

-

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

-

“back in the old country”

...england..?

-

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

-

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

-

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

-

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

-

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

-

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

-

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

-

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

-

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

-

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 

-

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

-

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

-

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

-

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

-

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

-

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

-

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

-

why the fuck did he 

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL 

AW YEA

-

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

-

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

-

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

-

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 

-

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

-

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

-

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

-

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

-

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

-

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

-

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

-

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

-

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

-

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

-

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

-

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

-

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

-

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

-

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

-

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

-

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

-

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

-

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

-

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

-

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

-

Huh. 

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

:T

-

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

-

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

-

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

-

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

-

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

-

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

-

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

-

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 

-

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

-

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

o

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

-

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

-

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

-

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

-

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

-

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

-

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

-

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

-

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

-

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

-

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

-

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

-

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

-

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

-

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

-

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting 

-

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

-

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

-

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

-

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

-

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

-

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

-

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

-

oh wait

ah here we go.

-

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

-

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

-

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

-

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

-

what the fuck is his deal with being king

-

OH SHUT UP DURKE 

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

-

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

w

when

-

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

-

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

-

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

-

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 

-

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

-

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

-

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

-

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 

-

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

-

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

-

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

-

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 

-

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

-

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

-

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

-

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

-

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

-

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

-

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 

-

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

-

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

-

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

-

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

[cookinguptales]

Omg with TokyoPop 😂 Please share the early 2000's anime days this is new to me and sounds hilarious.

they were dark-ass times, my friend

TERRIBLE AMERICAN PUBLISHING (idk how it was in other countries; I went to Paris many years later and was impressed with their...everything when it came to different kinds of comics but) Tokyopop which was basically run by people who only half knew what they were doing, Viz which mirrored manga for a long time bc they assumed Americans were too stupid to learn how to read the other way (which was particularly annoying in comics where like a right arm or something was important), ADV which probably couldn’t actually release an entire series if their goddamn lives depended on it (yes, I’m still mad about MaLoki), and various other publishers that would publish like one title ever

No legal streaming!! Which meant you either had to buy super expensive DVDs or pirate them online. (BACK IN THESE DAYS, CRUNCHYROLL WAS A PIRATING WEBSITE. NEVER FORGET.) This was right at the end of VHS days, though, so it could be worse!! If you got a VHS, it would be subbed or dubbed. When I watched Evangelion it was on bargain bin VHS tapes so it was like 70% subbed and 30% dubbed and it was a painful time.

Fansubs online were a huge thing. Legit companies had pretty slow turn around (you were lucky if something like the Anime...Network? I can’t remember. or Toonami or Funimation picked it up, bc they had tv channels -- though you’d usually have to put up with a shitty-ass dub) and you’d usually have to wait for a large-chunk release. If you wanted to watch something as it aired, you had to watch it raw or depend on fansubs. These were uh. Of varying quality. They’d usually have a 2-24 hour turnaround depending on the size of the group, with Shounen Jump titles having the fastest turnaround. Those were anime that were already published in manga form in the US via Viz, so they were already mostly familiar with how they’d go, plus...lbr, a lot of those shows were....easier to translate. If you catch my drift. (They tended to be dumb and repetitive. That is what I’m saying.) Also a larger fandom, so greater pool to get workers from and a greater reward re: downloaders. (And people usually torrented new fansub releases bc there were fewer online streaming sites, so popular shows downloaded faster.)

So like, picture if you will, a group of tween-teen nerds sitting around a computer watching fansubs of suspicious quality and shrieking the theme songs in unison because a fansub wasn’t a fansub without bouncing karaoke at the top. We got a DVD player that could play avis at one point and that was kind of mind blowing. Otherwise, you could use an AV cable or buy a DVD.

You bought things legit if you wanted to really support the industry or you really loved a show, not because they were always better quality. I’ll leave it at that.

There were also a lot of scanlation communities, which were basically fansubs but for manga. These were also of extremely variant quality, and there were a lot of rules for a very weird online translation subculture. I always kind of got the impression that most of them hated each other. A lot of these groups required IRC use, which was confusing af, and I honestly believe that’s the biggest reason why most of these ended up getting put on online manga reader sites. There were fewer of those back then.

Most anime fandom was very strongly demarcated. Most of the fandom I engaged with was on livejournal, which meant it was like...maybe 95% female. You’d get more men on forums, which is why we all fled the forums and went to LJ. lol. Trash spaces. Trash.

The whole yaoi/shounen-ai/BL situation was very different. LGBT stuff was considered more niche and still something you needed to “warn” for in most environments. For a long time, the only legit published stuff was like. FAKE and Gravitation and CLAMP and maybe Eerie Queerie or Loveless or something. So basically, it was shit. lol. (As a young teen, I was particularly attached to CLAMP/Kaori Yuki stuff. Thank god my parents never caught on.) Anyway, to get to scanlated BL works, you usually had to go to special communities/sharing circles online or figure out the prominent scanlators and follow them. Very, very little doujinshi was scanlated. Very few (English-speaking) people ventured onto pixiv. There were a lot of arguments about the differences between yaoi, shounen-ai, and BL. Don’t let anyone nowadays fool you. When I was a teen, 90% of all “yaoi fangirls” were queer, and half of that annoying sex-focused excitement was because it was the first gay sex we’d seen in any publication anywhere. It was a different time in the media landscape. BL has a lot of shitty-ass tropes, but we were basically starving in a desert. We took our Gravitation and we liked it. F/F manga was very rarely translated, and I guess that’s still the case today. There’s less of it, and I think we’ve all been trained to prioritize male sexuality. (Plus most of the shoujo-ai that got posted online was like uber-innocent schoolgirl stuff.) People make fun of “yaoi fangirls” and “fujoshi” and all that now, but I can honestly say I would have never understood my own sexuality without that subculture. Like the anime clubs were full of obnoxious little weebs, but let’s be straight about something, no pun intended. They were full of obnoxious little gay weebs. People are all about gay (western) cartoons nowadays, but when I was a teen, they were all about that anime.

Because almost all published anime/manga was in hard copy, you’d get mini congregations of fans in stores. See: hordes of manga fans sitting in the manga aisle of the book store, fans chatting with each other in...suncoast, or wherever they could find DVDs/VHS. The level of social skills in these areas was...not high. Also, a lot of fuckin creepy predatory dudes going after girls. Hooooly shit. I was so glad when they started releasing anime/manga online. Y’all livestreamers on Crunchyroll don’t know how good you have it. You used to have to deal with the fedora bros who were a good 10-20 years older than you but still following you around in stores, conventions, etc. any time you wanted to get new stuff. Like it was a legit problem.

LIKE I’M TRYING TO CONVEY HERE THAT JUST GETTING ANIME/MANGA WAS A PAIN IN THE REAR END. not as bad as the dark days when people had to physically mail each other shit, but it was still definitely a subculture and you’d definitely be thrown in with a lot of people you wouldn’t want to be around. (Similar to how things are in modern western comics fandom...)

Fandom itself was basically a tire fire. In every possible way. Like I’m nostalgic for it in some ways, because in some ways I really miss how text-based it was. There was a lot more meta and conversation, and fanfic was much better supported. Comment culture was a lot stronger and you’d become friends with people who read your work and/or people who wrote stuff you liked. But on the other side of that, there was a lot of weird fanfic gatekeeping. Sporking communities and flaming and fic rating communities were much more of a problem back then. You release stuff to crickets nowadays, which is demoralizing, but back then there was a solid chance you’d wake up to an inbox full of hate mail, especially if you wrote slash. It definitely happened to me a few times as a kid. I think they really targeted teens, too. So writing fic could be shitty. There was less fanart in American spaces, too.

I do agree that to some degree things have gone too far with the whole virtue-signaling/issuefic thing, with a lot of people yelling very loudly about things they may not always understand very well, but you gotta understand. Fandom was a hateful place in many ways back then. Sexist, racist, homophobic, you name it. Female characters are still ignored now, but they’re typically treated less horribly than they were back then. People try to be more educated about other ethnicities and sexualities and such now. You’re less likely to get bullied because you were gay. I think the big problem is that sometimes people hijack important movements to be giant dicks, and a lot of people, especially younger people, get swept up in that.

There was a very specific kind of anime badfic back then. I could write literally an entire post on that. Like god. Where do I even begin??? The bluenettes? The super kawaii fangirl nihongo? Script fic? “Tell me what to write next!” fic? lolololcrack fic? I mean, there were a lot of varieties of suck back then.

Weird subcultures. Like...really weird ones. Things got kind of cult-y relatively often. Just say no to cults.

if you want more details on anything, I’m having particularly painful flashbacks right now. ugh, the free hugs signs.

[deepinthehorrors]

So...about what the fuck Ouija Experiment

Um, so yeah. I’ve been working on this one for a while, It’s the first found footage horror I picked, and I picked it at random, but my god, I fucked up. Where do I start??

*two tokes and a beer later*

Ok, let’s begin. FIRST! Let me break down our five main characters

Brandon: A rude motherfucker with a camera who’s idea this all was and constantly gets on everyone’s nerves. He has no redeemable qualities and although he starts and documents the movie, he isn’t really the main character.

Michael: Acts like a neurotic asshole sometimes, a playful jackass other times, and completely bland everywhere In between and he’s our sorta actual main character?

Calvin: The most stereotypical narcissistic black guy it’s ever been my displeasure to see in a horror movie. A man who lies to get women in bed, uses them for favors and cheats on them. (Fuck this guy)

Shay: A rich dumb blonde stereotype who somehow got stuck in an Asian girl’s body, and is dating Calvin…and being used for her money by Calvin…and being cheated on by Calvin. (Fuck that guy)

Lynette : A stereotypical sassy, don’t play that shit black girl, to an insulting degree. For the most part she’s playful and thoughtful yet still is utter redickulous in her dumb moments, she’s also Calvin’s sister. (Fuck her brother)

So the movie is about fuckwad Brandon trying to film some supernatural shit for some film class shit. So he gets shay to get her boyfriend calvin to call his best friend mike to come to his house and film some spooky shit.

Before they set up the OUIJA EXPERIMENT they do little mini interviews that basically tell you what I did about the main characters without my filthy language….boring. That is all.

So immediately Mike starts getting on Brandon’s about sticking a camera in his face and not filming when they start using the board….like really bro? Tha fuck is up with that? You have invited a film student to your home for a OUIJA EXPERIMENT and you expect him NOT to film that shit? That’s your fuckin fault for not getting info from any of those people Brandon had to go through to get to you!! Dick!

Mike lays out the rules for ouijaing and explains that the most important rule is to say goodbye to send spirits away. So Apparently the board is like a portal or stargate or some shit? Lynette immediately says “fuck this shit I’m out!” But they pull her back. Let her go! She’s the closest to being likeable in this whole thing!!

Anywho when they start playing Branfucker sets the camera up to record it, (I dunno how he dose this without anyone noticing) and they start communicating with some from beeeyoooond the graaaaaaave……until Calvin’s phone rings and he gets up. He just gets up and takes the call, like he was just chillin and not talkin to a ghost. This redickulous dicking fuck dick puts a fuckin ghost on hold to talk to his side bitch? His girlfriend is at the table!

You wanna know what Brandon does? Follows him and sticks a camera in his face……leave the board and the supernatural phenom happening, the thing he came there to fucking do, leaves it to film Calvin on the phone with some ho???

Are you wondering how it gets better? You want some more? Ya thirsty boys? Ya hungry girls? Want something fucking great? Well to top off the torrent of insanity; Shay, who’s just now suspicious of Calvin, asks the board who he’s talking to….and it answers her.

She uses a supernatural Ouija board to find out if her boyfriend is cheating. And, I dunno what to say to that except…….sounds legit??

It’s unbelievable how little fucks anyone gives to the fact that they are talking to a spirit, and she’s more interested bout some bitch on the phone with her mans? Tha fucks? I think the only reason the spirit answered her is because she’s probably thinking “well if they don’t care why should I? Yeah your boyfriend put his dick in that girl on the phone, now let me be dead bitches”

So yeah, Shay and Calvin dead leave to argue or some shit and Mike and Brandon keep playing, getting a message to go to the bedroom. Lynette is the only one who’s actually unnerved by this message while the other two resolve to investigate on their own.

So at the mention of splitting up, Lynette dead says “y'all gonna split up and leave me alone? This is the part where the black girl dies cuz the two white people left? I’m goin’ with you!” and as stupid a line as that was, the cadence and energy she said it with was genuine…and a little funny.(forgive me my sins)

So back to big black hole of ass, who somehow resolved his shit with Shay, is in the very next scene trying to secretly record him and her having sex so he can put it online………

Now let me repeat that, cuz it bares repeating. This fuckboy, after cheating on his girlfriend and somehow making up with her, tries to convince her to have sex with him so he can secretly film it and put it online!

Ok, you know how offensive it is to women when they’re overly sexualized for no reason, have vapid or shallow characters and are only there to look good? Well here is the male equivalent, and I am offended. I can’t believe I’m saying this given my own ethnic background but fuck it, I hope this black guy DIES first. I hope he suffers. It would please me if he did. This schovanistic, masogonstic, alpha-male bullshit testosterone sucking pathetic excuse for a man should not be allowed to exist in there world or ours!

So back to Lynette and Mike who have relocated to Brandon’s place to get more Ouija info….for some reason. Wasn’t it Mike who had the Ouija board knowledge earlier? shouldn’t he know? This scene just drops a bunch of stupid ass references to internet celebrities and Daniel Tosh for whatever reason. (Does he know about this movie??) and outside of a light chuckle I got from Mike and Lynette annoying the shit outta Brandon (like he does to everyone else) the scene goes no where and does nothing.

So Mike Brandon and Lynette assemble again to play some more Ouija. Is Brandon out to make this an anthology movie? Cuz the plot is serpentining all over the place. Anywho guess who pops in to join the fun? Yay Shay! Oh wait, no…no she only there to ask more questions about her cheating fucker boyfriend.

Does she not get that he’s an asshole without supernatural guidance? You know with all the typical stereotypes shown, it’s funny that the Asian girl is as far away from any Asian stereotype as possible. I mean come on the board basically tells her the obvious “Bitch what did I say about his dick and other women’s vaginas? It’s in them, all the time! Stop asking me!”

She immediately has a conniption and ends up making everyone chase after her. She ends up at Lynette’s house much to her annoyance and I don’t know why she even let her in. That’s her brother’s girl, ain’t her responsibility. And Lynette has the attitude of “bitch why the fuck you crying on my couch?”

Wait, but they didn’t say goodbye to the board! *gasp* the portal is still open! Uh, so can they die now?

I mean shortly after Mike starts hearing noises and shit, but nothing of substance was shown. Then Shay hears noises at Lynette’s place, sees a 2 second faint image of a person, and then nothing of substance happens.

Oh wow, they went back to play Ouija part 3! I wouldn’t have seen that coming. I mean they can still say goodbye and close the ouijagate right? Fuckin right!?!? So Calvin comes thru to bitch out Mike about telling Shay that he’s a ho, and Doesn’t believe that the board told her. How do you not believe in the board that fucking channeled spirits? There’s footage! Witnesses! One of which is your own sister! What’s your deal you ass among men?!?! 

 After stealing the board and preventing them from saying goodbye, again, her proceeds to record himself using it to prove to Mike it’s not real and because of that brings one of the spirits to his house. And that fucker is pissed! “You doubt me son? You testing me?this is OUIJA’S house now! Fwaachaa!” Then she snaps his neck……Thankfully…..blessedly, Calvin dies. Gloria en excelsia deo. Blessed be the meek, for this pompous ass is dead. 

So get this, and you’re gonna love it, Shay calls Calvin and the ghost girl answers….. 

Shay:hey Calvin, I know you cheated on me used me for sex and money, but I still love you and want you back! 

Ghost:*grooooooan* 

Shay:oh you must be that bitch he cheated with, fuck you calvin’s mine!

Ghost:grrraaaall? 

Shay:that’s it! I’m coming over there! *click* 

Ghost:da fuck? 

Then she goes over and a possessed Calvin eats her face…. 

So I literally thought the movie wasn’t taking itself seriously and maybe I was taking it too seriously. But as Mike search for info on the ghosts we get some relevant info. To see who the ghosts once were you have a flashback/vision of the past where we see a mother killing her daughter and then blaming the murder on her mentally handicapped neighbor, then shooting him, then cutting her own throat……..DARK! What the fuck is this heavy shit doing here? Not only that, but the acting in this Segment is leagues above the main cast. So much it’s uncomfortable. Like comparing IT to fatal attraction.

So Brandon ends up his head cut off and I’m a little confused, cuz he didn’t even play son. Tha fuck? Was it just cuz he was there? Cuz he filmed? I mean I hated his dumb ass but still, reasons? Explanations? So they have to burn the ouija board to close the stargate,(makes sense) and the ghosts try to stop them. So in the struggle Mike our mainish character dies…off screen, and becomes a floating ghost camera. The end. 

 So in the end is there a single thing redeemable about this abomination of all that is good in horror? Yeah, there is.(I threw up in my mouth just typing that) But nah son, there is something well done, some of the scares are well done! Seriously! They did the lighting right, the scares were subtle and eye catching, and most of them weren’t jump scares or cg. I actually flinched a couple times! The problem is without characters to be invested in, or a story that draws you in the actual horror element is lost. I can’t suggest it unless you’re a seeker of shit. But if you do, I made a drinking game to help get you through!

[cre0n]

"DWAL SSAAY ELIHC LRUG WEHW" (My Pet Unpopulars Reversed)

"Time to be quiet"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ0ECqMHfUQ

Prelude

Creon: First off rest in peace to this decade that got owned. From the phony fake feedback "they" have been reading this for the past several years and I can see people being bothered by it. It's nothing to do with a check or any type of fake fame from "them". I don't get paid for this or even have followers but guess who's reading it. Just think of it as a free schooling or in some cases pure sportsmanship. Where yall think all of that Rebel talk came from? Now all of a sudden a decade later everybody is Rebel this, going against the system that. Folks got Rebel Clothing lines, Rebel mentalities, and Rebellious attitudes. That's the pavement that was laid for you and you and every colored negroe that it meant something to. When your as powerful as this entity inside of my physical body the other side tends to tip their hand occasionally. I don't think "they" try to give it away it's just fear that drives them to surrender unwillingly. Ain't it amazing how some of the most powerful *people* in this Matrix will never make it to your TV screen or trendy news cast that entices humans so much. Could you be able to comprehend or fathom a supreme being that induces so much fear into the hearts of the most evil entities that dwell in this realm? That may be to much for a human to understand. That may even be hilarious to most simpletons but it's meant to draw the mind closer and it's working. The point of this is Top 50, Top 25, Top 5 whatever nobody is bringing the same substance, content, subject matters and skill all in one sitting. Where would your favorites be without the help? Would they even exist to you anymore? They need to piggyback the fame and media to be a dope somebody. You have a fresh start and don't have to do that. I myself don't even know what help is anymore and you should feel the same way. It's in the people to have that power and they should take it. Dumbasses, we don't live in the physical realm you wake up to everyday. The REAL is lived out in your mind. If you reincarnate on this planet after dying, YOU LOST THE GAME. Yes, some of us come here for a sole purpose with the intent of light bearing revelations....Then I think about things again and say maybe I shouldn't complain. Maybe I should just be flattered to say the least. Naw not this time fuck that. It's like one of the homies said, You Can Do All Things Through Christ Except Play With Me. What I'm doing and have been doing and already did is sculpting and designing a coded landscape typical to a highway for all of my "peers" in this so called "community" as grounds for their pitiful souls to maybe one day be spared. Even the jealous and cowardly ones that are the purest of maggots, the ones who try to block your very existence, or just flat out ain't shit know the end game. They even have to bend the knee.

"Spoken"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVijnZylMw0

1. Eye don't respect you and at the same time must protect you They swear this state that their mind is in equals revenue How you call it blessed when frequency filters through mess What is it n*gger you can't see or the fame is humanity's stress The North Pole with machine elves the holy grail My tree of life cannon ball into eternal wells Drink from our chalice the fountain  conception Stone Mountain His Russian time machine dream simply will not allow it A treasure chest no jewels to drop it's not for sale Forgot to reload my CERN account black Queens dwell in Hell Now you understand why EYE can't get signed Or go on tour for decades behind the black man's mind Let's overstand this sovereign case them people scared Came back to the planet ONE last time yall still unprepared

2. Wool robe eyes like the burning bush sandals bronze Magnetic field and aura like a lunar groupon Infinte is 8 we ate never ending planes Cut off by a cracked firmament our Summer's Gate reign Sea monsters like a Cripp by the Island of Thoth It's still moving yall still with me right?.... Cough Young brothas my Saturn Matrix black can't date no Iggy's They tryna turn Gibbs and Benny into new Pac's and Biggie Pay attention these folks is evil Dedication to easels.... draw

MJ KICK

"Model Duck Waddle"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StNUu-ayD4Y

Hella yaass young mamas got a story to tell CreezyBae from Souf Kak and keep that A-T-L A heartless reinforcer, socery is an order Magic shows blow some smoke up ya butt with this quarter Nada no nothing so don't be posing & stuntin' Curriculum spins this axis so wtf is you askin'? Babe it can't be love, 'cause love  don't love a soul And all the likes and comments in the world gets old Now all you got in ya life that air mattress with the plastic cups That cash app still working don't it? Hit em up You selling selfies and an advantage time still passing Several years later recommended by the garbage tragic Been underground for decades it made me an animal That orange box cutter didn't come with no manual Annual, pussy makes the world go flat And plus we fuckin', don't do no homegurl chillin' jack (BIG FACTS)

.....(Shuckin' x Jivin')........

"The Roth"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFViVsYLK84

Eye swear to White God Eye love wasting humans time 7 summers later that dumb bitch God is a *crime* Pinot Noir and your whole outlook The way you teach the children, straight from a crackas book Yall slaves kill me with this top 5 bullshit The whole industry revolving door pulpits Talking bout they positive movements with negative fads Well tell the folks the whole truth you hypocrite scabs Let's pull the strings and the puppets out I don't even need the sticks Wasting time on the couch flickin' this BIC (5th bedroom) Eye love my brothers to death even wished them death (huh?) Now feel the release, illuminastic reps Get BIG nigga 500k nothing less Yes the FEDS watching 2012 InkTober droppin' Yeah yall wasting time repeat the Matrix get the grind? My peers once again 3D chasing bags Eye'm at the North Pole Holy Grail Tree of EVERLAST (punching bag) "Til this day" Creon built lanes even for trash Walking on the highway then loiter off the exit stashed

............ "that part cost" -Coach

Before you learn to win you need dimensional Facts Rule 1: The 5th plane is Universal crack Rule 2: The time machines run everything back Now the whole community is back on his sack Bar none with more bars and stars than an Admiral match it Enough lower back blows she need a flak jacket We know a Propain who got special stanzas trapmatic Lost tapes, still buried outlandish Ridiculous approaches got my yella ass banned (Red) Or am Eye, he too heavy banned to a skid crammed Jammed up at some port with no support scammed Seems like the customer got another custom plan With even more bars than an empty Fort Knox Pen carries weight like the sky blue Ox Or maybe it's a Bull, bullish trending up sell now The purgatory princess gets raped by their cash cow Sodomite Gentiles flag for jumping on the pile (my fault) The Kings circle of life Creon is Royalty Blacker than the thought of the roots of a Sequoia tree...

"You don't just Like"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poB4dtpTdLQ

Can't leave out the conscious folks on his way to 7 Creon stay jammin' harder than a Mac-11 Boppin' with that NoTep confidence From the old moon to Hapis stop your nonsense Masterful the pen glides prolific spill aesthetics   More Hennessy for Carolina Cardi twerk sessions Got crackas seeing red they hate the message Don't message me just tag it yellow trend your own blessings cave pathetics The rose bloomed solid gold it's stems were magnetic Thorns crystallized easter eggs they found a Holy relic Breaking Matrix codes exposing Lyor's racist ass said it Donate a dollar and help the black channel out reverend You love this world so much well try not to get me pissed From now on Eye'm coming after souls next level shit...

**Hook**

Slangin' yarn in the yard lets get back to positive "The left field neighbor is the hardest kid" Was the agrument convincing me to slaughter this & still ended up lonely cause' the targets split The youngins say "lit" the crop a Megan Markel wrist 50 niggas deep somebody wrist game dope Bruh Eye give the soldout hope Make a famous fucka have to cope With the bullshit around them straight smoke May the Lord Jacob guide Baphomet in his prime As the Sirius Avyon one Universal mind Co-exist on a platform without porn shine Los Santos musik "Shittin while we Flyin" Etheric values nigga, the fallen and the risen In God mode the affirmations of metaphysics.....

"Dreams Don't Exist"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2ge9degkI

Can we just accept the stars at night & how the vibration sound waves replicate light Is the speed of bright faster than a black idea Are my peers slow or simple just backed up fears Been droppin' content on 9/11's, 23's, and the 13's With more New Jack swings for gangsta leans She clappin' it with no jumping he blowing gangsta green Choreograph a whole dance routine Be on some happy shit hoes wanna say Eye'm mean Just don't wake me up walking dead heroin fiends Moving around the room fly girls and crush grooves Been a shadow all summer pullin' J-moves Eye'm smoking bomb ass weed feelin' crucial They made sidewalks for black frats the feelings mutual Eye'm getting stalked by some bomb ass coochie & some of them rich legit never been a groupie......

...... & if yall can't relate then sue me (500k)

"Normalize the knob...tf"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGlXCLQ9aIw

For the new 16 Creon charging 2 properties And this was just a temporary situation now pardon me That's just some little money, the prophecy They saying buddy there's no chance you son of a slut You son of a bastard, you son of a bitch, you son of a mutt Eye got an angel now Eye'm summing it up You son of that cut, you son of that step, you son of that raw We Suns of the 7 summers son of a pause.... .....Moving Islands of Thoth A moving violation will get your team caught The Summer's gate will get a sea monster for da free Lifetimes of limitless mastery Education,  the soul is sold separately They ran out of Isotol to stretch the peace The whole album ended ran out of doggystyle to stretch the grease Dumb lil boy this ain't no NBA Envy great, pay your fares then Camelot shares Run the highway like a state chair (votes) State of Emergency Profoundly unearthining The blackest clout to create words surfing on the nearest curb Lickin' souls like them lizards whether Eye'm slizzard or sober From Langford to the Boulder-crest up to Panola Teach my Sun don't be a slave, certified owners Initially lobbied for peace Mishaps happen summoning beast Iron throne let the Ice wall melt in the streets...

Peace

[lostinraveland]

Day three of cold turkey no cigarettes for real this time, current feels: fucking death. Fuck this planet.

I hate how much of a hold on my balls nicotine has. I fucking love you, tobacco. I miss you. One day I’ll grow you, and I’ll be responsible for my consumption and I won’t owe anything to anyone. 

I’m having a really hard fucking day. I’m going to claim it’s because I’m quitting cigarettes, but it really just feels like a lot of shit. I haven’t had time to write, anywhere, or anything, so I have more than a fuckton of thoughts to get out. I don’t know where to start, so I just will. 

I’m trying to be honest with myself and in this relationship. I feel alone. I feel isolated. I try to communicate, and it seems like nothing I can say or express can accurately reach him. I don’t feel like I have a partner. Every time I get back home, I feel my mood sinking, because I know that I’m disappointed in him. Ashley knows too. She feels it and I feel her pulling away from me because of it. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped in this place, helpless and still in love with a carcass of what love should be, an eternal idiot to my own weakness.  I don’t know what else to expect from him. It’s been almost three years, and things are exactly the same. I’m so fucking stupid. He tells me almost every day that he hasn’t changed. Why the fuck would I think otherwise? 

If I find myself saying, “I’m just going to wait a few more months until he gets his shit together.” one more time, I might just jump off a fucking bridge. But I’m terrified of being confrontational, I’m terrified of losing him. I love him. But I don’t love who he is, truly. I don’t know what to do. I fucking hate myself for loving him. I fucking hate him for making me love him. 

I’m glad to have started a new, legal and legit job. I was way more optimistic about that fucking “job” that I found on the internet than I should’ve been. I found myself living in a fuckin trap house. Had my cellphone and car keys taken from me, was threatened, screamed at, worked to death, not allowed to leave, and then eventually thrown the fuck out, with nowhere to go. I was only there a month. Found my ass crying in a walmart parking lot with my dog and my cat in my car, packed up with all my shit. 

Left there and ended up staying with a mildly delusional woman and her two kids, before they dipped out to go to Pueblo. She was adorable and sweet but seriously just dysfunctional as fuck. I love her and am thankful for her housing us. But goddamn. We ended up living in an art gallery for the next month, above a flooring store. We had to pretend we didn’t exist during business hours. Yes, literally on some real Anne Frank bullshit. It wasn’t terrible. I had a wonderful view of the arts district, did a good bit of walking, and a good bit of anxious brooding. What’s new. Escaped there without much of a noteworthy experience. 

We’ve landed a decent, stable place to live, and I somehow managed to grab a job with a start up company that’s really making some waves in the cannabis industry here in Colorado. I’m making money, and being a little productive, and I’m finally able to get my hands on some live plants. It feels good. I’m meeting people, getting out of the house, and just generally not fucking laying around feeling like shit all the time. 

My only focus now is really getting this farm started. I’m enjoying working this job, and I’ve been there a month at this point. After three, I get put on salary, and will get health insurance and all that shit for the first time in my life. I’ll be on fucking salary, like an adult. Very odd. Maybe I’ll just focus on getting a budget or something made to get some real goals together for the farm. I can’t think about anything else, and it’s really depressing to just feel so fucking helpless. I want to be farming. That’s it. The only thing stopping me is a lack of fucking money. Which is just evil. I’ve honestly exhausted myself thinking about it today, I’ve cried all fucking day. I’m tired of being sad over it. I just want to be on my land. 

I’m also really in my fucking feels over Sohpie today. God dammit, dude. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time getting my brain to stop tripping over her every time she pops into my head. I fucking love that woman. I messaged her today and I feel weak and lame. I feel like I’m hiding something from my partners about her. If I’m honest with myself, I love the fuck out of her. Just as much as I love them. And I’m terrified to tell them that. I don’t know how they would respond. I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with her. Like not even remotely. But I know that if I’m honest with myself, I hope she’s always a part of my life, for the long term. I don’t know in what capacity, whether it be romantic or not, but. I miss her. I just don’t know how to process anything that’s happened between us, really. Fucking A. 

Not to mention, partner drama. The distance with Ashley is already wearing thin. We got in a bit of a tiff because I mentioned her coming out again at the end of this month, and there was a miscommunication. She thought I was offering to come out there, and I....definitely was not. I have no intention of going back to Georgia, any time soon. And I was afraid to tell her that. But I did. And she didn’t take it well. I do understand that it feels unfair to ask her to fly out here every time, but. She also has a MUCH higher amount of “disposable” income than I do. I mean incredibly higher. She’s more than comfortable, to say the least. I’m just above not fucking starving. She knows this. I just started a new job. I already pulled in a massive favor asking off for a day when she was in town last month. Not to mention, the idea of going back to the south literally makes me want to vomit. I don’t have any interest, right now. And I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t have the mental capacity to attempt to put my fledgling attempt at setting root here on hold, for a vacation or even a quick weekend. My sense of duty is so strong right now I literally almost can’t channel it into anything positive. I spent all day today just sitting on the stoop alone, fucking crying like an idiot. I don’t know what to do with myself right now. 

Everything feels weird and bad and I fucking hope it’s just drama from quitting the cigarettes, I’m serious. 

If it is, these stupid fucking bastards have GOT to be kidding me, because this is kicking my ass. I’m glad I never touched any real drugs, because I apparently would just fucking kill myself. Ooooh my god damn, man. I gotta be done for today.