#i left because i was tired of going in circles. all the waiting and leaving and coming back and the oppressive silence in between all of it

[babygirl-riley]

Daddy’s Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird

When coming home Simon hears his daughter start to fuss.

Warnings: angst, mentions of childhood trauma, fluff, swearing, Dad!Simon

simon x reader guide

simon x reader family edition

Simon was fucking tired, the mission was long and difficult. It took them 4 months to plan the fucker just for the target to know their every move. He lost lots of men and women those nights, they had to camp somewhere in the middle of the desert cause transportation got fucked.

He unlocked the door of his home and walked in. Immediately he heard the whimpering. Simon heard you trying to lullaby both of your toddler. Simon was told that she has been sick for almost 4 days. It was teething that led to two ear infections. His poor angel was getting her ass jumped left and right with them infections.

He took his mask and boots off leaving them on the shelf near the door. He locked the door as he made his way through the hallway. When getting closer he heard you sniffling. “I don’t know what to do baby girl,” The toddler cried harder as you cried with her. “I am sorry. What do you need baby?”

Simon tapped the door making you jump. At first you thought you were going to fight but then relief came through. “Simon,” You started to sob. “Just take a shower and I will be there in minute.”

“I can take her.” He said walking fully in.

“No,” You wiped your tears quickly before shaking your head. “It’s fine you just got home. Please just take a shower love.”

Simon nodded, he didn’t want to but he could tell if he didn’t you would burst. He saw the dark circles under your eyes, how red your eyes were. You haven’t gotten any sleep. That tugged at his best strings, you have been dealing with this all by yourself so he wants to be able to help you.

Simon quickly got into the shower, washing all the paint, blood, sweat, and dirt from him. He waited for a moment before turning the faucet off and get out. He heard your sobs once more as he wrapped the towel around himself. Opening the door that showed you laying on your side curled up. Simon walked up to you and sat next to your body. He placed a hand on your hip rubbing circles.

“Not the best welcome home,” You sighed turning to face him. “Im sorry.”

“For what love? Taking care of our child? Don’t ever apologize for that.” He reassured, basically whispering.

“Just me crying and Im so fucking tried. She doesn’t sleep nothing longer than maybe 5 minutes before she is screaming. And I wanted to give you a warmer welcome and instead buzzed you off and…”

“Thats enough sweethear’ it has been a long week for you,” He got up to grab sweatpants and went around to his side to pull the blankets up and over him. You watched as he laid and scooted closer to you wrapping his arm around you. “Come ‘ere, get some sleep my dove.”

He doesn’t remember when you fell asleep or even him. Simon heard the soft whimpers start, you didn’t move and he was glad that you didn’t. He was also very happy that you moved out of his grasp while in your sleep. Simon carefully and quietly headed out of the room. Rubbing his tired eyes as he made it to his daughter’s room.

When he approached the room there she was. Standing up in her crib crying, once her eyes landed on his she cried harder. “Daddy.” She called a couple of times.

“Alright princess, you’re alright daddy’s here.” He said picking her up.

It took him a back of how hot she is, sweat gripping her pjs. Her crying increasing as she gripped onto his shoulder. “Shhh I know,” He said bouncing up and down. “I know baby.”

He felt her diaper and walked to the changing table, which to her was a sin. When he placed her down she screamed a bit, immediately he gently placed a palm on her chest. Putting small pressure. She stopped screaming as she still cried. His daughter loved when he did that when she wanted to be cuddled yet when he had to do certain things like this.

Because of how many times he has done this with her, he one handed did the diaper. He left her only in her diaper, get some air to her skin due to sweating and her being hot. As she still cried, he picked her up and lead out of the room walking to the kitchen. “Let’s try a warm bottle and me a tea yeah?” He said quietly, holding her close as she still cried.

While working on the bottle he rocked back and forth waiting for the teapot to heat up. He wrapped both of his arms around her holding her more close. “I’m ‘orry my birdie, teeth are arseholes. I know.”

She held around his neck placing her head down on his shoulder. Simon kept holding on until the smallest noise came from the pot. He didn’t want to wake you, he was even surprised you haven’t woke up yet. His daughter became more whimpering than crying.

He poured his mug first so the water could cool down just a bit more. Then poured water into her bottle. He made his tea before finish making her bottle. Afterward he walked to the living room and placed the tv on. Miss Rachel was her favorite to watch lately, that’s what you mentioned.

He placed her forward towards the tv as he placed his mug on the side table. Simon held her close to him as she drank her bottle. Rubbing her belly as he watched the show with her. He hated this woman, just found her annoying, you mentioned to him that it was her job to do that fake high pitch thing. To him it just made him want to mute it and never see it again.

His daughter leaned closer to him as he sipped his tea. She sniffled and hiccuped due to crying the whole time. He smoothed her thick blonde hair back, making her eyes roll. Another thing she gets from him. People massaging his scalp or play with his hair he would pass out from.

After three videos both Simon and her were laying on the couch. He had her on his chest with a blanket on both of them. “Shh I know,” He said as she started to whimper again. “Daddy is here, don’t worry. He will stay. I would do anythin’ for you not to be in this pain.”

She sucked on her binki her eyes rolling fighting sleep. Yet another thing she got from him. Fighting sleep. Simon remembered when you told him you were pregnant with her. He was terrified. Scared that he wouldn’t be good to her, that he would turn into his own father.

Simon actually left for hours from the house making you think that it was a bad idea to tell him. Until he came back in tears, first time you seen him break down. Telling you his fears and worries. You would comfort him and hold him that he has never been an ounce of his father. Never be like him.

Simon remembered when he asked for his dad to hold him. His dad told him to stop being a child, to grow up. Or even watch him cry in pain and laugh at the fact he was crying. He even remember Tommy being hit for even mentioning that his throat hurt. Telling him that is something to be crying about when he was hurt.

Because of those memories he was going on for months in his mind that he didn’t believed that, didn’t believe that he would be a good father, it wasn’t until she was born. When he held her in his big hands. He knew that this was the opportunity to not be his low life father. And yet here he was being not that, his father would have never been comforting him when he was sick. Holding him. Loving him. He was grateful to be able to be here for her. For you. To show the love and care that he wanted to.

Simon sighed as he felt her breathing slow down, falling into deep sleep. He settled more down into the couch as he closed his eyes, holding on to his princess.

You woke up with the sun beaming into the room. You groaned as you placed a hand to where Simon would have been. It was cold. You opened your eyes and frowned. Was a dream that he was home? You sighed getting up and heading to your daughter’s room. For it to be empty too.

You walked around the house figuring out where the hell was your daughter. Which when you heard Miss Rachel on the tv and two figures on the couch. It made your heart swell. You walked to around to face both your daughter clinging onto her father. Simon softly snoring and his daughter as well. You forget how similar they look.

The soft features of when they slept. Their hair. Their nose. You also noticed that she was just in her diaper and didn’t look sweaty. You inhaled deeply feeling a bit of relief. Hopefully that means that her temperature went down and back to normal.

You smiled thinking about the time where you were almost about to pop. Simon holding your tummy telling your daughter that he will protect her with every ounce of his being. Not matter where or what she is doing, he will be there. You would play with his hair as he rubbed your tummy, feeling her move every time he would place a hand on your tummy.

You grabbed both bottle and mug, walking back to the kitchen. “Definitely going to be a daddy’s girl.” You whispered, starting to make breakfast for your perfect family.

[soov]

HOW TO PARTY ㅤ. . . ㅤ﹫ lee heeseung ★

꒰ 💭 ꒱ frat boy heeseung & fem reader, +1100 words. ㅤg fluff, hcs. ㅤw suggestive, pet names, kissing.ㅤ🎧 ㅤlibrary

met you at the college’s cafeteria when you tried to get a bag of chips from the vending machine and it got stuck

he was just passing by with his members, but you caught his attention immediately

he was baffled by how much effort you put into trying to get the bag

shaking and kicking the poor thing just because it stole your money

heeseung let his fraternity brothers go ahead and went up to you, placing his palms firmly to the glass and giving the machine a single shake

he could have the fame of a jerk, but he wasn’t heartless

the bag of chips immediately fell down, and he glanced at you when you crouched down to grab them

he was already planning when your wedding would be and how many children you’d have together

his mouth was slightly agape and he couldn’t stop staring at you

you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen in his life

and when you smiled and thanked him, heeseung was a goner

the only thing he managed to do was nod and watch you walk away

hee kept thinking about you for the rest of day

and week

and month too 😓

whenever he managed to catch a glimpse of you in the hallways or lock eyes with you, he cockily smirked at you, bottom lip trapped in between his teeth

he wanted you to think that he was cool!!

as you walked past him, he’d giggle to himself and stare at the floor to tone down his blush

after a month and a half of pining, shamelessly flirting with you, and teasing from his friends, heeseung gained courage to ask you out

and since he had no idea of how to court a girl that wasn’t a spoiled daddy’s girl or a cheerleader

( that only wanted to be around him because of his looks and popularity )

he decided to go for the old-fashioned romance tips that he got from jay, the biggest romantic in the fraternity

the boy bought a giant bouquet of red roses and combed his tousled hair

but still showed up to your last class with his usual loose, oversized clothes

“i just wanted to know if you wanna go out sometime? yeah, yeah! like a date. i mean... wait, what–? you do?! o-oh! okay, perfect!”

heeseung was over the moon when you agreed to go out with him

his face was just as red as the roses he picked for you

dipped a kiss to your cheek with the goofiest grin and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as he gave you his number

when you two started dating, he began to use your dates as an excuse to not go to the frat parties he used to attend

he never really enjoyed them

loud people trying to shove a bunch of drinks down his throat weren’t his thing

the beginning was nice, but he got tired after two hours into the party and his social battery died out

so a reason to not go was an early christmas gift

“yeah, sorry. my girl and i already have plans. we’ll have a skincare night.”

does not care if people think he’s lame for suddenly being all romantic and sappy with you

“bro... you weren’t like this with your past girlfriends.” “...okay?”

when one of his friends insists on having you and him around, he won’t leave your side

constantly has a hand on your hip as you walk to tug you closer, or on your thigh, rubbing comforting circles on your bare skin

pulls you to his lap when there are no empty spots left on the couches, lazily kissing your shoulderblades with a smile as his friends joke around

heeseung knows how crazy the guys in those raves can get

he doesn’t want anyone making you uncomfortable

won’t ever drink if you’re also drinking! he’ll just chuckle and watch you get drunk and deflate his compliments

“stop flirting with me... i have a very handsome– [ hiccup ] boyfriend. i’m so lucky to have him...” “oh, yeah? i think he is the lucky one to date a pretty girl like you.”

loves to flirt with you ( kinda obvious by now )

if you start the banter first, he’ll be shocked for a moment and fastly go back to his infamous teasing demeanor, firing back a flustering remark

but god forbid if you reply to one of his pick up lines

his brain shuts down and he doesn’t recover from it for a while

‘doll’ is his trademark pet name for you, though, sometimes, he uses ‘baby’ despite saying that it is “too mainstream”

heeseung’s main hobby is pestering you and ( lightheartedly ) embarrassing you

which is something that you wouldn’t expect from a chill and laid-back guy like him

so don’t be surprised if he suddenly shouts something stupid while you walk ahead down the hall

“whoa! you just gonna walk around looking this sexy, baby momma?!”

cue everyone from the frat laughing, but stopping in the same nanosecond because heeseung gave them his blank face

calls you things like ‘hot stuff’ or ‘baby cakes’ whilst pressing his lips to your face, just to hear your giggle because

1: it tickles

2: his pet names are so awfully corny that the only thing you can do is laugh at them

has to kiss you at least once an hour

his definition of kissing, however, is making out with you for hours, until something comes up and you have to stop

holds you by your waist and jaw when doing so, pushing your body into his

you’re pretty sure that his fingers are about to drill their way through your skin

he’s an impatient and desperate kisser; he kisses you as if you were going to leave him

during the rare moments where he pulls aways, he traces an imaginary path down your chin, to your throat and collarbone with his swollen lips

playfully twirls a lock of your hair on his finger while nipping on your neck

grins nonstop when you two manage to fit a quick kissing session in between class breaks

when you have study dates together, he’s only focused on your beauty

his tongue darts between his lips as he eyes every single inch of your face

he already memorized where every mole is, the curve of your nose, the shape of your eyes — everything

and when you scold him for not paying attention to your explanation, he shrugs and smiles with a quick apology

back hugs, breathy whispers in your ear about how gorgeous you look, fleeting glances across the hall, and having his fingertips to trace random shapes on your skin are all common in your relationship

so good luck on keeping up with him 😁

⠀ ⠀ SOOV © 2O23

ㅤ𝗿𝗲𝗶’s notes ⪩⪨ first work on the new acc with my fav ramyeon lover 😊 slowly joining the hee cult watch out

[fooled-around-and-fell]

angst to fluff with carmy please? 🥹

hope you like this!

Bad Day

genre: angst to fluff

pairing: carmen berzatto x female reader

warnings: cursing

Masterlist

------

it's not often that you're exhausted from work and the burning out usually never consumes you like this. when days like this happen, all you really want to do is to be left alone with your own thoughts, so you always stick in the office or walk around aimlessly to have some alone time first before going home. after today though, you just want to be in bed.

carmen also had a shit day at work, and usually he can come home, expect you to shower him with love and kisses to make it all better. you're so nurturing and it heals part of him, so when he comes home to a cold environment, he feels something is off.

"hey babe," he finds you in bed, scrolling endlessly on Tiktok.

"hey," you tried to sing-song it but came out flat. you didn't even look at him.

did i do something? carmen thinks to himself.

he hangs his jacket on the coat rack and plops on the bed, seeking warmth from you. "did you eat yet?"

"yeah, a while ago." you say. it's normal for you to eat first, carmen often tells you not to wait for him.

he frowns, noticing your nonchalant tone and scoots closer to you to cuddle, but you immediately scrunch into a ball and that makes it difficult for him to hug you.

carmen's frown only deepens, but he decides to let it go. "okay.. i'm gonna shower. wanna join me?"

"mm, i showered already."

carmen sighs and walks away while muttering, "that never stopped you before..."

carmen wracks his brain in the showering, wondering what he did wrong this morning because you were happy and cheerful. he did leave in a rush earlier today, didn't even have the chance to kiss you bye. maybe you're mad about that?

when carmen steps out of the shower, you're still in bed scrolling on your phone. he gets under the covers to join you, and once again tries to cuddle.

"carmen-"

"sorry i was in a rush earlier this morning," he says, kissing your shoulder.

you hum to acknowledge him and slowly remove his tight hold on you. he's actually not holding on that tight, but with your thoughts right now, it feels like a death grip.

carmen frowns again when you turn around not to face him and scoffs. "okay, what's wrong?"

"what?"

"i'm sorry i didn't have time to say bye earlier this morning, i was running late." he repeats himself, "i'm trying to make it up to you, alright?"

"what?" your turn to frown. "what are you on about?"

carmen sighs and gets up from the bed. "you've been ignoring me all night! i had a shit-terrible day at work and all i wanted to do is to come home and cuddle with you and feel better, okay? i'm sorry if that's too much to ask."

"fuck off, carmen."

"eat shit, carmen."

"get the fuck out, carmen."

that's the go-to response when you're usually in a fight with carmen. it's usually a yelling competition, or carmen being self-destructive, you being passive-aggressive or sarcastic, and it all ends with you two tired, in bed in each other's arms. but now, carmen is met with your silence, and he's really worried that he fucked up.

"did it ever occur to you that maybe i had a bad day too?"

maybe that's when carmen finally sees the dark circles under your eyes, or how you don't seem like you're able to smile. he doesn't think he's never seen you this exhausted, and he doesn't know what to do.

"do whatever you want, carmen."

you've never said that one before. his words hurt you, but you're honestly too tired to fight.

carmen isn't sure what to do. doing whatever he wants involves making you feel better, but he isn't sure he can do that at the moment. so instead, he lies back down in bed next to you and turns off the light.

------

the next morning's sunrise wakes your sleepless eyes, and you see carmen still lying down next to you. usually carmen still has work, but he told syd last night to take over so he can take care of you. well, maybe you don't need to be taken care of, but he decides he should do better and be there for you.

you slowly make your way to the kitchen to make breakfast and coffee, but carmen appears behind you and takes the coffee pot from you.

"sit down."

"i got it, carm-"

"sit. down."

you sigh and sit on the couch. you feel bad for possibly making carmen feel bad last night, but you also feel like he had it coming. he's not the only one who's allowed to have a bad day. then again... you usually don't show your bad days and deal with it on your own, so of course he wouldn't know when you're having one or how to cheer you up.

carmen sits next to you and hands you your coffee.

"thanks."

"listen," he starts. "i'm sorry, i should've paid attention to you more. i should've seen that something's wrong -- i sensed something, i just.. i don't know why i assumed you're fine when now that i think of it, you were obviously stressed out. it was selfish of me. i'm sorry."

you put your coffee down and climbed on top of him, letting him straighten both his legs on the couch while you lay between his legs, head on his chest.

"it's not your fault, carmy." you say. "i never... i didn't have anyone to rely on before you. it's not easy for me to tell you when i'm having a bad day or when i'm struggling because i'm so used to handling things on my own, and somehow i think telling you all that would make me a burden."

carmen slowly caresses your waist, kissing your forehead. "you're never a burden, and however you cope is up to you. just know that i'm always here regardless."

you look up and kiss him passionately. "thank you, carmen."

"there's that smile." he grins, kissing you again.

[killuintense]

❝ two fools in love ❞

rookie!leon kennedy x fem!reader.

summary: just you going to look for Leon at the police academy.

content: 1.3k words, pure fluff, a little little bit of angst (reader miss leon), comfort, subby and cute Leon ofc.

note: the calm before the storm (I plan to do a longer one shot of angst :p)

It was Friday afternoon and the weather was colder than you expected, especially when you left the warmth of your home. You were walking through the crunchy autumn leaves that intruded on your way to the police academy, where an anxious Leon was waiting for you.

You hadn't seen him since Monday. He had kissed you goodbye with a lazy, clingy kiss —just like him— at the door of your apartment, promising to see you again at the end of the week. And finally that moment had arrived, giving you a feeling of excitement that ran through your whole body with enthusiasm. It had been difficult for both of you at that new stage in your lives, where the blond would have to go to an academy every month and only leave to see you on weekends, where both would spend from Friday to Sunday glued to each other without being able to separate for a second. But then everything would end and they would have to say goodbye. Sometimes you would accompany him, and sometimes he would leave alone, but not before sinking into your arms and filling your face with kisses, making sure you could not forget him for the remaining week.

You wondered if he thought of you as much as you thought of him, because it was suffocating to walk into the apartment and smell his scent even when he wasn't there, to walk by the refrigerator and look at the pictures of the two of you on that last vacation you had. Leon would circle your waist with his lips pressed to your neck and yet you were still able to see his smile and his little eyes slightly narrowed as you held the camera turning that selfie into a beautiful memory that you needed to see often to be strong and keep holding on to his arrival, reminding you that he loved you more than he could surely show. Although sometimes he was very messy, and you ended up finding in the least expected place some of his notebooks with reminders about some element that he should take into account for the physical exams they took at the academy every so often; his handwriting was as strange as he was, cursive leaning to the side as if his mind was faster than his hands. And as the days went by you refused to put in the washing machine the last T-shirt he had worn before he left, which held his cologne and his warmth. His smell of roses, so particular but masculine, and you could only remember the desire to devour him every time you saw him again, standing like a pathetic child who only expected your approval for everything, who blushed even with your slightest pampering or compliment. He emanated that warmth in which you wanted to sink and die, to die in the happiest way of all, where you never let go of him and only remained in love with him and his love.

You thought the nights were the worst, and sometimes you struggled to choose which was harder, the coldness of the bed or the coldness of your body, without his arms around you, without his silly jokes with that sleepy and tired but mellow voice, with his lips leaving wet kisses on your face and neck. You stroked his hair, that soft clump of golden hair, somewhat dull at times as he whispered that he loved you, and down your spine ran a shiver that made you giggle like a fool, asking him to stop even though deep down you knew he wouldn't because you really didn't want him to.

He was so naughty, always doing what he wanted and getting away with it, behind that silly and pathetically shy attitude, always letting his hands travel a little more than the coverage of your nightgown, squeezing and biting the way you loved it. It was too much to see how delicious you were in his eyes, the way you managed to elucidate in her eyes that there was never enough of your body to satisfy his hunger. That's why the nights were empty without his company, but so full of warmth when he was there, so full of that hungry love he gave you.

Now, in the distance you could see him, saying goodbye to his companions who were also greeted at the entrance by their families or partners, some of them leaving alone as well. But he was lucky enough to know that you would arrive at any moment, stealing a smile as he looked around like a puppy anxious to meet his owner. He was too cute for your heart to bear it a second longer, so you decided to cut his waiting short, jumping behind him while hugging him by his shoulders, having to slightly tiptoe because of the height difference "Waiting, big boy?" you murmured with your voice choked in his neck giving him a soft kiss, making him not hesitate a second longer to turn around and wrap his strong and chubby arms around you, which always knew how to hold you with determination.

"My love" he said happily, hugging you, feeling that that torture was finally over. And, no lie, Leon was an exaggerated person by nature, dramatic as shit; he looked at the little picture he had taken of you every time he felt that his stay at the academy was like being in a war, and your picture smiling at him was the only light in his path (that day the major Krausser made him wake up at 4 a.m. and he felt he was really dying). "I missed you so much..." he said after a sigh of relief, squeezing your waist before seeking your mouth desperately, giving you a kiss loaded with pleasure and welcome, those kisses that felt more meaningful than any other because they had the genuine desperation of needing you in order to feel alive. He pressed you against his body as his tongue caressed yours, dominating the kiss by his eagerness to have his way with you, leaving you the opportunity to suck on his lower lip with mellowness before pulling away.

"Wow, did you miss me?" you resist, stroking his face and squeezing his cheeks. You always made sure he was well fed, you hated the idea that in his training they weren't attentive enough with the food and made him go hungry, but his cheeks were always fluffy, his arms strong and his legs and chest... you found yourself more than you'd like looking at him morbidly, wanting to squeeze him so badly. And well, why deny that more than once he scolded you for biting him too much in those places where a simple kiss didn't do his figure justice.

"I'd say the same about you" he murmured against your cheek while in his tone you could feel his playful chuckle. Both of you glued to each other with decorum and that was one of the things you liked most about Leon, he wasn't ashamed to show you your love in front of anyone, not his academy mates or strangers, he was proud to have such a fucking beautiful girlfriend and denying it would make him an idiot. And he could be a dramatist, but never an idiot. "I feel like my stomach is going to explode if I don't give her some of those delicious hot chocolate pancakes you always make" you resist as you look into her bambi eyes, big and blue. Your legs were working too hard not to bow down to him because of the tenderness he caused you, but you really couldn't help but be weak in front of that blond.

"Leon you look like a giant baby asking me to make you a snack" you laughed, biting his cheek with desperation before hanging on his shoulders to stare at him, your gaze surely reflected that overflowing love you had for him "But you're my baby so let's go get those pancakes" you feel his happiness hit your face at the moment a smile of complacency feeds your ears.

Disentangle themselves from that smothering embrace but soon it doesn't take long for him to take your hand and entwine it with his, gently caressing your knuckles. You start walking towards the apartment amidst banter and fleeting kisses, you sometimes gently tap his shoulder when he tries to kiss you but you run your face to spite him, and Leon swings his hands together, sighing like a fool in love. They were both fools in love.

[sunarc]

𝕰𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖑𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙

𝖘𝖈𝖊𝖓𝖊 4

𝕾𝖚𝖓𝖆 𝖝 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

𝕾𝖞𝖓𝖔𝖕𝖘𝖎𝖘:Suna wants to show your shitty boyfriend how to fuck you correctly. What better way to do that then sending him a video of you screaming his name on his cock?

𝕮𝖂: smut basically no plot lol, Cheating, Oral (f receiving), penetration, no protection, Suna is a jealous son of a gun, videotaping, Suna is just so yummy omg, 1.5k words

𝕬/𝕹: This is for @blueparadis because us Suna girlies gotta stick together!!

His hands felt so much better than your boyfriend’s. It sounded so horrible when you thought about it. His tongue pressing against your body fueled the guilt coursing through you but the pleasure was too intense to tell him to stop. 

“Rin this is wrong” You said pushing his face deeper into your warmth. 

You truly did mean your words but your actions spoke so much louder. For months upon months you had been going to Suna telling your best friend about how dissatisfied you were with your sex life. You hadn’t come in months and it felt like a never ending cycle of making your boyfriend cum and receiving nothing in return. You were tired of the nonstop routine, so that’s how you ended up in Suna’s bed with his head shoved between your legs. 

Suna’s tongue licked a long strip up your core, savoring your sweet taste. You let out a gasp at the feeling. 

“You keep saying this is wrong but you’re not stopping me” he pressed wet kisses on your inner thigh while maintaining eye contact. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop” his touch was intoxicating. 

You hadn’t felt this way in months. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to stop yet, your boyfriend never left your thoughts. Suna’s hands clung onto your thighs squeezing the flesh as he dragged you closer to his face. 

“I’ll stop if you want me to, but just know i really, really don’t want to” his voice was like silk as he pressed kisses onto your core in between words. 

You gripped the sheets too engulfed in pleasure to think. You’ve already gone this far, your clothes were long gone, forgotten in a corner somewhere in his room. What harm would it do to go a little bit further. Suna’s tongue lapped against your clit leaving you a moaning mess. You were too far gone to think about the man probably waiting for you at your house. 

“Rin oh god it feels so good” you moaned. 

Your hands combed through his hair gripping and pulling at the strands. 

Suna devoured your every being. He couldn’t stop himself even if he tried.

“Tastes so good baby” he groaned “He ever made you feel this good?”

You shook your head too lost in pleasure to speak. Suna pulled back, biting his lip. He kissed your core and slowly moved to your hips , up to your chest,licking and sucking, leaving his mark all over your body until he was met face to face with you. 

“Forget about your boyfriend, you’re all mine tonight” his lips captured yours in a sweet and savory kiss. 

Everything about him felt so unreal in this moment. You felt yourself melting into his touch as his hands roamed your body soothing your mind. 

“Focus on me, let me show you how a real man takes care of his girl”

Suna moved back down between your legs. His tongue seemed to leave no part of you untouched. His thumb rubbed small circles on your clit while his tongue dipped into your hole. You couldn’t help the moans that slipped past your lips as he made a home for himself between your legs. Your legs trembled as his tongue fucked itself in and out of your hole. You hadn’t felt this sense of pleasure in so long you had almost forgotten how intoxicating it was. 

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop” you begged

Suna moved his attention to your clit licking as if he were a starved man. He shoved two fingers inside curling and moving them deeper than your fingers could ever go. 

“You look so pretty like this,” he groaned. 

His eyes seemed to turn a shade darker as he watched you fall apart for his fingers.You threw your head back submerged in the pleasures of him. Your eyes squeezed shut as your first orgasm of the night took over you. You hissed, closing your legs from the overwhelming pleasure but Suna’s hand pushed them open, smirking at your whines. 

“I’m not done yet” 

His tongue lapped at your juices. His moans vibrated against your core causing a shiver to run through you. 

“Fuck-Rin it’s too much” you moaned. 

“You can take it” 

His movements continued. Your back arched off the bed as your fingers gripped the sheets. You almost missed the vibrations coming from your phone. They stopped and suddenly the once ringing phone was forgotten and the only thing left was Suna who was working on bringing you to a second orgasm. The vibrations began again and you turned to see none other than the man you had almost forgotten existed calling most likely to ask where you were. 

“You can answer if you want,” Suna said. “I’m not stopping though”

You turned to see him staring at you eyes sharp while half his face was shoved deep in your warmth licking between your folds. You couldn’t possibly bring yourself to pick up the phone not when you were sleeping with the very man you told him not to worry about. You turned away from your phone to shove your face into the pillow beside you to hide your shame. Suna’s movements stopped and before you knew it he was hovering over you ripping the pillow away. 

“You don’t seem to listen do you” he growled “I told you to focus on me baby” jealousy dripped from his voice. 

The phone vibrated again and this time Suna was the one to give it the attention it seemed to desperately want. He smiled at the phone. 

“Did you want me to answer? Is that why you let it ring?” He smirked, turning the phone to you. 

A picture of your boyfriend was plastered on the screen.

“No” you rushed to spit out the word before he could answer. “He’d lose his mind if you answered the phone” 

Suna laughed at your response. 

“What your little boyfriend can’t handle the thought that someone might actually be fucking you right?” he said harshly spitting out the word ‘boyfriend’

You covered your face as if hiding from the embarrassment. Something about Suna’s jealousy sent a throbbing to your core. 

“Don’t get all shy on me now” he said as he pushed your legs apart to get a full view of how your pussy glistened for him. He gripped his cock and rubbed the tip between your folds, lubing himself with your slick. 

“I mean you were just begging me not to stop” his tip prodded at your entrance teasing you. “What happened? You were just so eager to take my cock” 

He dipped the tip in and out of your hole watching the way your eyes rolled back in pleasure. 

“Too busy thinking about that boy toy of yours?” he grunted

He held his cock in hand while rolling his hips into you just enough for the tip of his cock to sink in and out of you. 

You let out lewd moans desperate to have him fully inside of you. 

“Cant speak now?” he growled

Your mind was in such a blur you almost didn’t notice the phone flashing on you catching you in all your glory. You were sweaty, desperate whimpering for him. 

“Please rin, please fuck me”

Suna wanted to tease you just a bit more but he couldn’t bring himself to say no to you when you were staring at him with such wide needy eyes. 

“Only because you asked so nicely” 

He plunged his cock into you letting out a sigh as he took in how tight you were squeezing around him. He rocked himself in and out of you slowly taking in the way your chest rose with each breath you took. 

“Feel good huh” he bit his lip while he steadied the camera on your body.

His slow thrust left you feeling dazed. Your moans filled the room so loud he was sure the neighborhood could hear. 

“You hear that?” his voice was low as he spoke for the camera “ Listen to the sound of her pussy, listen to those moans, that how you know your fucking her right”

Suna’s thrust picked up speed. His hand was placed on your stomach feeling where his cocked reached inside of you.

“Go ahead Angel, tell him how my cock feels better” he groaned “ let him know how I fuck you better”

You whimpered covering your face with your arm. You wanted to hide how much you loved having his cock inside of you but your moans were a dead giveaway for the truth. Suna chuckled at your sudden timid response. 

“Oh come on baby, don’t try to hide now” he said, thrusting into you. His hand moved down to rub circles onto your nub. “You’re pussy is telling me everything I need to know” he said as the camera panned down to his cock which was relentlessly fucking you. 

“It’s okay, you can say it” Suna switched from quick thrust to long slow rough strokes. Your body jolted from each thrust. “Let him know how you were too busy cumming on my tongue to answer his call”

His words went straight to your core. You let out a loud moan 

“Fuck I- yes you fuck me so much better Rin” you cried out. 

You couldn't hold back anymore. You were falling apart for him and you knew it. There was no denying how good Suna made you feel. Any thought of your boyfriend was long gone. 

The camera zoomed in on your face to catch the fucked out look. Your eyes were lidded as drool dripped down your lip.

“Good girl, now cum on my cock so we can show him the difference between faking it and the real deal”

🏷️: @karazorel7 , @candyceedea , @fleurettiie , @pressuredtreasure , @plaxxxie , @cloud-lyy , @fictionalthirsting , @smuttyfantasyrecs , @enchantedcherie , @coyloves , @baldi-2 , @pickledwasp , @sanxuus , @fictionsimp , @ibby-miyoshi-nerd , @kiqqnii , @snazzyturtles , @sadlittle-girl , @faumpje , @nvvacanesworld , @no-f34r

[lloromanic0]

tom forcing reader to ride him while she's overstimulated 😻

I need him so bad like I’m not okay.

(Thank you for the request hope you enjoy ^^)

“Tom- please I can’t anymore…” you cried out as he slammed his hips back into you. You couldn’t even count the amount of times he made you cum. Your sensitive clit and bruised cervix just kept taking him over and over again,using you as he pleased.

“Yes you can doll, do it for me.”

Tom just came back home after a week away from you, he was a busy man and even if he didn’t want to leave you he had his own projects to take care of. This week of being away made his sex drive higher than usual, even if he was sensitive right after cuming his boner never went away so he just kept fucking you until it,eventually, went away.

“Fuck baby, I’m cumming again..” he grunted, pounding your overstimulated pussy hard until he released his seed inside your hole. Your head felt fuzzy, your vision slightly blurry and your body was aching from the force he was using to fuck you.

He stoped for a moment, you thought he was done with you because he was too tired to keep going.

“Ride me Y/N.” He demanded.

“Tom…I can’t.”

“Yes you can. Do it” he sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, you laying next to him. Finally gathering your left over strength to sit up. He’s staring at you with a demanding expression, you crawled on top of him sitting on his lap.

“See I told you could do it mein liebe.” He said while stoking your cheek.

“Now show me how much of a good girl you are and ride me.” Holding the base of his dick waiting for you to sit on it.

You lift up your hips a little, placing your entrance above his dick sliding down slowly,with tears streaming down your face.

“Oh you poor thing, don’t worry baby you’re doing such a good job for me.” He massaged your thighs while you slowly moved back and forth on his dick. Your little moans and your struggling state him just making him get even hornier, wanting to fuck your pussy more than anything, but be decided to be patient with you.

You slowly moved your hips up and down taking his cock inside you once more.

Your whole body aching, every time you went all the way down on his cock you felt it hit your bruised cervix making you tremble a little.

“Come on baby, you’re doing so well for me.”

His thumb now circling your sensitive clit as you kept trying to ride him.

As you got used to the pain you picked up your pace riding him at a steady speed , making him bite his lip, low moans coming out of his mouth.

“Fuck babe just like that, such a good slut for me.”

The pain you felt before now turning into pleasure as you felt your orgasm getting closer. You head facing down as you clenched around his dick.

“Oh~you’re close princess? Yeah cum for me.” He grabbed you by the chin making you face him. “Look at me when you’re cumming Schatz. I want to see the pretty faces you make while I’m making you feel good.”

He thrusted his hips up making it easier for both of you to cum. The friction getting to intense for you to take as you came around his dick. After a few more deep thrusts he came deep inside of you, making you collapse on his chest.

He rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head a few times, whispering sweet nothings in your ears as you drifted off to sleep.

“You did so good Y/N, I love you so much you’re all I need.”

————————————————————————

Note: do you guys like that I write in 3rd person or would you prefer it in 1st person? xo

[hellcat8908]

Can I request some angsty fic for Helion from ACOTAR. I feel that he doesnt get as much attention as he should. It can end however you like, I just ask for a lot of angst <3

I've never really written for Helion or gave it much thought to do so, but this was an interesting challenge. I hope it is along the lines of what you had in mind.

Snuffed Out Helion x Female Reader

Long ago, you had fallen for Helion's charms and had been burnt just the same. After he broke your heart by falling for the future lady of autumn, you had found a home in Velaris among the inner circle. The only reason you'd returned to Helion's court was at Rhys's request to help find a way to help Vassa. Helion had tried to repair his friendship with you, but you rejected all his attempts. He didn't realize how much he would miss having you in his life until you left.

You were surrounded by books in the back corner of the library. You found solice in the quiet as you leafed through the pages. You were growing tired and about to call it a night when you heard familiar footsteps approaching. "You missed dinner again, so I thought I'd bring you a plate." Helion says as he peers over your fortress of books. "I'm not hungry. I was about to go to bed, to be honest." You say not bothering to look up from the book. "You need to eat." He says as he sets the plate down on the table.

"The sooner I find a solution to Vassa's problem, the sooner I can return home." You say annoyed. "This was once your home," he says softly, "still is." You let out a sigh, "that was centuries ago, Velaris is my home now." You say watching him flinch like the words physically struck him. "Your home here will always be waiting for your return." Helion says, refusing to believe you. "Then it shall wait an eternity." You say as you stand up and brush past him, making your way out of the library.

Helion picked up the plate and carried it back to the kitchen. He scraped the food into the trash and left the plate in the sink. He made his way to his study. As he paced back and forth, the light in the stable caught his attention. It was too late for anyone to be out there working. He quickly made his way out to the stable, remaining in the shadows once he heard your soft voice. You were talking to Meallan, "You were always my favorite." You gently pet his neck before turning to his mate, "and you pretty girl were always a handful." You say playfully while giving her a treat.

Helion watches your care-free demeanor with his two prized pegasus, jealous that they get the side of you that you keep locked away from him. His heart aching that you're no longer close to him and not sure how to fix it. You keep doting on the pegasus, a genuine smile lighting up your face. "I've missed you both." You tell them as if they understand what you're saying. You notice a cut on Meallan's leg and see the blood. "Oh sweet boy, you're hurt." You tell him before entering his stall without a second thought.

You reach out to inspect the injury. The area around the cut must be tender because as soon as you touch it, he spooks and rears up. It all happens so fast that you don't have time to react, nor does Helion. You're knocked to the ground after Meallan's hoof catches your arm, and his wing catches you off balance. Helion is rushing into the stall to help you to your feet and out to safety. "Stay put. I'll send for a healer!" He says in a panic. "I'm fine. Make sure he's okay." You say coldly.

"I will once you've been looked at." He counters. "Not until I know he will be ok!" You say assertively. "Why are you so stubborn?!" He asks. "I learned from the best." You answer. Helion gets one of his men to fetch a vet for Meallan and a healer for you. You wait anxiously for someone to look at Meallan. Finally, help arrives and determines its just a minor cut before they bandage it. "Thank you." You say before they leave. "Your turn." Helion says, not leaving room for argument.

You let the healer look at your arm just so you can get away from him. She determines its fractured and tells you you'll need a sling for a few days until it can heal. After she has your arm in the sling, you thank her for her time. After she leaves, you move to take your leave. "Are you ever going to talk to me?" Helion asks, causing you to stop in your tracks. "I prefer to keep our conversations professional and brief." You tell him. "Why can't we be friends?!" He asks, obviously annoyed.

"Because I have no desire to be your friend." You state calmly. "What did I do to you that was so bad?!" He asks as he raises his voice. "You picked her! You took a fool of a girl and made me fall for you, then you chose a woman that was promised to someone else! You broke me in a way. I refuse to let anyone break me in again!" You say as anger builds inside you. "I was young and naive, and you took advantage of that! I loved you and was willing to do whatever you asked of me just to have you choose someone else. This is not my home, and you are not my friend." You shout before fleeing into the house.

Once in your room, you quickly start packing your bags. Your vision blurs as tears line your eyes. You quickly stuff your clothes in your bag, wanting to go home. "I've reached out to Rhys, He's sending Azriel to come take you home."  Helion says from the doorway. His own features shadowed with agony at the sight of you. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you." He says with his head hung low. "I'm almost finished packing. Once I'm done, I'll wait outside." You say emotionless.

"As you wish, please let me help you with your bag." He says. "No need, Rhys is taking care of it." As you say that your bag vanishes. "I see." Helion says dejected. "Azriel should be here soon." He says, not knowing what else to say before he walks away. You make your way outside and rest on the steps, taking in the night's cool air. You look at the stars and start to count them like you did when you were younger. Azriel winnows in front of you, making you lose count.

"Ready to go home?" He asks softly, picking up on your mood. "Yes, please." You say before holding onto him. You take one last look before you're surrounded by darkness. Suddenly, the house of wind is in front of you. Azriel starts towards the door, stopping when he realizes you haven't moved. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks softly. "It's ancient history, no sense in opening old wounds." You answer. "Do you want to go somewhere else?" He asks, unsure of how to help you.

"No, I don't want to inconvenience you more than I have. I'm just going to sit out here for a bit." You respond. "Don't stay out here too late. Good night, y/n." Azriel says before walking inside. You rest against the railing as you look at the city below. The soft glow is a comforting site. You think of the time you spent with Helion years ago. The memories make you question everything and leave you without answers. You look at the countless stars above as tears flood your eyes. You agrily wipe them away only to cry harder.

You're startled when a blanket is wrapped around you before you're pulled into a firm chest. Looking up, you're greeted with soft violet eyes. "Why, Rhys?! Why wasn't I deserving of his love? Why does it still hurt after all these years?" You sob into his chest. He holds you tighter. "You deserve a love better than his. Someday, someone will come along and heal the parts of you that he broke." Rhys says as he comforts you.

[jeankluv]

I love you, it’s ruining my life - Geto Suguru

Words: 1,5k

Summary: You stood besides Geto for over a decade but despite loving him so much, it was ruining you.

Tags: heavy angst, canon, set during 2017-2018, blood, mentions of death, no happy ending, a bit of Gojo x reader but not romantic, no use of y/n, gn!reader

Notes: a request and a one shot in a single day, yep 🤭

Jujutsu Kaisen materialist

When he decided to leave, you left with him.

More than 10 years had passed since then, you were no longer kids, you had changed. Even though there were mornings where you looked in the mirror and still saw the 17 year old student you once were. But when you looked at him, there was nothing left of that 17 year old boy.

You still loved him and you would probably always, but that love was consuming you.

But that day, you didn't see the 17 year old girl, what you saw in the mirror was a tired young woman, with a dull face and dark circles under her eyes. You felt like all your color was completely gone.

Existing your room, you walked through the hallway until you spot Suguru’s silhouette, I was talking to Miguel, apparently there was a course that Suguru was interested in obtaining. Passing by, you walked and saw a couple of people waiting for Suguru to serve them. Your heart was squeezed when you thought about the fate they would have.

You had accompanied Suguru for all these years, but you had never been able to agree with his ideas and until that day they continued to make you nauseous.

You sighed and went outside, where you sat on one of the benches there. In the distance you could see Tokyo and the memories of when you were a teenager began to come to you. Would you be there if you had realized earlier how Suguru was? If you had tried harder? If I had supported him more? Everything was what ifs... That they would never be, you answered and you could only imagine what could have been.

“You are here.” A deep voice, spoke behind your back. “Geto is looking for you.”

You stood up and nodded slowly. Walking towards where Suguru was, you felt your heart flutter nervously. You opened the door and found him sitting on his “throne”. When you entered you could see traces of blood on the floor. You turned your head, feeling the vomit rise in your throat.

"I'm sorry." Suguru murmured from his seat. “I thought it would take you longer so you wouldn't see the blood of that dirty monkey, but you came.”

“Suguru…” You tremble. “Don't you think that's enough…?”

"What do you mean?" He rose from his throne.

“What I mean…” Your heart fluttered. “Let's go Suguru, let's go away.” You approached him. “You, the girls and me. Far from everything…”

Suguru's gaze was cold. “Do you hear yourself?” He smiled zinicly. “Do you want to run away? After all these years? Of my progress? Don’t be foolish.”

“Suguru… please…” Your eyes stung.

Suguru snorted and moved away from your touch and it was then, seeing his back, that the boy who once swore he would love you forever, died long ago.

“I know you loved me.” You looked down. “But you don’t love me anymore.” Those words were heavy on you, it felt like stones being thrown at yourself.

“That’s what you think?” Suguru asked

“I don’t think that, it’s what it is, Suguru.” You held back your tears, not wanting to cry in front of him. “The only times we are intimate it’s when you want to have sex, the rest of the time… I don’t even see you because you are to focus on killing people.”

“Monkeys, those are not people, they are monkeys.” You shook your head trying to ignore his words. “Don’t tell me you don’t agree with what we are doing.” He approached you and you took a step back.

“I don’t think I ever did Suguru.”

“Then why? Why did you follow me?” His tone was clear, he was angry.

“Because I love you!” You raised your voice. “I love you Suguru, I always did. And you needed me back then… you needed someone and I… I couldn’t leave you.”

“So you never truly believed in what I was doing…”

“That’s what matters to you?” You raised your gaze facing him. “If I agree with what you are doing?”

“Yes!” He was the one to shut this time. “You were the… the only one who stayed and I thought it was because you agreed but it was because you loved me.” A hoarse laugh came from his throat. “You thought that if you came with me and with that love of yours I was going to change?”

He looked at you and you said nothing, because yes, your foolish self really thought it was going to be able to change him, to make him go back and try to find a solution to what he did. But you were a fool and even 10 years later you were still a fool, because deep down you were still hoping you could make him understand.

“I won’t change, I will never change, I will kill all those monkeys and create a world where only sorcerers exist.” He sat down. “If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”

The first tear rolled down your cheek. “I love you Suguru.” You said. “But it’s ruining my life.”

Suguru stayed silent, not saying a word, not saying anything. This wasn’t the guy you fell in love with, years ago, that boy wouldn’t stare at you and do nothing.

You stepped away and turned around to leave the room. Before exiting the room, you look at him one last time.

“I love you Suguru, I will always love you.” You whipped the tears away and left the room.

After that last look, the days passed and turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Suguru never looked for you, you were alone. You couldn't go back to where you were once happy because that would doom you and you couldn't go back to the person you loved because she was long dead.

You looked up and saw the snow falling. The new year had begun with snow. You hugged your body and walked through the new streets of the small town you had moved to. There you could simply be you and help those like you who could see curses and didn't understand it.

“The ground is slippery over there.” A voice spoke behind you.

You stopped dead when you heard it, how many years had it been since you had heard that voice? You didn't even know it anymore.

You carefully turned to confirm that the owner of that voice was the one who was once your best friend. And indeed, a few meters away from you was Gojo Satoru. Taller than the last time he saw it that October afternoon. Unlike that time, his eyes were completely covered by a white blindfold.

“Satoru…” You murmured.

“You lost weight.” He simply said.

Ignoring his words, you went straight to the point. “Are you here to execute me?” You asked him, trying to pretend that your voice was shaky.

Satoru shook his head. “Why would I?” Before you could answer he continued. “There is no execution order for you, so there is no reason for me to execute you.”

“What?” You said stunned. "How is that possible? I spent years with him, they should…”

“You were never considered a threat like him and I asked them not to include you on the list of cursed sorcerers.”

You pursed your lips and nodded. "Thanks, I guess." You hugged yourself tighter, to stop yourself from shaking. “What are you doing here then Satoru?”

"He is dead."

Your breath caught and your heart skipped a couple of beats before it began to break. Suguru was dead… Suguru… You stifled a cry, not wanting to cry in front of Satoru.

“I’m sorry…” Satoru whispered.

“Why are you sorry for?” Your voice coming out like a whisper from your throat.

“It was me…”

And then a cold breeze hit your face.

You shook your head and looked up at the sky trying to stop the crying. “It’s what you had to do…” You heard Satoru's footsteps approaching you. “Did he say something before he died?”

“He gave me this.” Satoru took your hand and placed an object on it. “He told me he was sorry and that I love you until the last moment.” You carefully opened your hand, finding a ring.

You clenched your fist to your chest and began to sob. You felt Satoru's warm body wrap around you and try to calm those sobs that didn't stop coming out of you. After a few minutes, you managed to calm down and separated from Satoru.

“Thank you…” You said.

Satoru handed you a folded piece of paper. “My number and Shoko's are written down. Call us when you need it or if... if you want to come back there again. Yaga won’t care and if the old guys say something, I’ll take care of it.”

You looked at the paper and then at Satoru. “I'll keep that in mind Satoru… thank you.”

“Take care.” He said and turned around to walk off.

You saw his silhouette get into a car and then disappear. Opening your hand again, you looked at the ring again.

“I love you Suguru.” You murmured kissing the ring and letting once again your tears flow.

[welcometomyoasis]

i only have one of you | kwon soonyoung

🪧 100 event: it’s okay to be scared shitless but still be strong enough to go through it + hoshi | requested by anon Synopsis: when you're stressed out from school, you can always count of Soonyoung to be there to comfort you. Hoshi x gn! reader | fluff, comfort | approx. 1100 words | warnings: stress about school, reader snaps at Hoshi, they fight a bit, profanity (because of the prompt) A/n: hi anon! I hope all is well with you in school and I hope this brings you some comfort! I also don’t know why the fics are getting longer..

The time was currently 3am. In the eerie silence of the night, the soft pad of footsteps could be heard in your apartment as Soonyoung crept towards the bedroom. The door was left slightly ajar, allowing a small sliver of light to peak through, illuminating the otherwise dark living room. As he approached the door, he giggled to himself. 

Soonyoung’s giggles were cut short abruptly by a sudden stabbing pain in his toe. Letting out a silent scream, the figure fell to the floor dramatically clutching onto his foot. He accidentally stubbed his toe on the cabinet that was in the hallway, but he wasn’t going to let the pain stop him from seeing you. Determined, he opened the door. 

The sight Soonyoung was met with made his heart melt and hurt simultaneously. 

You were hunched over your desk focusing intently on the computer screen before you. You were wearing Soonyoung’s tiger print hoodie and snuggled into it a little deeper when you felt the shift in the air when he opened the door. Soonyoung couldn’t help but melt at the sight. There was something about you wearing his clothes that always made him turn into a puddle. 

Yet, the sight pained him because he knew you were exhausted. You had dark circles under your eyes. Sticky notes were stuck on every possible surface on the wall, papers were scattered everywhere with some crumpled in balls on the ground. 

You had been studying for a big exam that would literally determine your future. Despite all the stress you were going through, you still remembered to call Soonyoung to wish him luck for the music video seventeen was going to shoot that day. Obviously touched (and very worried), Soonyoung decided to pay you a visit hoping to cheer you up. 

Coughing to try and get your attention, Soonyoung closed his eyes, opened his arms, and held his hands up in his horanghae pose waiting for you to launch yourself forward towards him. However, to his dismay, after waiting for what felt like hours, he still didn’t feel your arms wrap around him. Opening his eyes, Soonyoung pouted and poked your arm gently. 

Without even tearing your eyes away from the screen, you muttered a tired, “hi Soonie”. 

Sighing at your response (of lack thereof), Soonyoung uttered a quiet apology and said a silent prayer hoping you won’t rip his head off. Then, he forcefully yanked your chair away from the desk with you still on it. 

Yelping, you turned to glare at Soonyoung. You admonished him, “Kwon Soonyoung! What was that for? I was in the middle of studying. I don’t have the time or energy to play with you right now. Please leave me alone if you’re just going to keep bugging me for attention.” 

You huffed and tried to roll yourself back to the desk but Soonyoung held you down firmly. Meeting the intensity of your glare, Soonyoung asked you incredulously, “Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”

Exasperated, you threw your arms up in surrender and said, “I don't know okay? All I know right now is that I need to get back to work but you’re in my way.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed at your statement. He was now getting annoyed. 

“I’m in your way? So is that all I am to you right now? A nuisance? A bother? An attention seeker? Because I came down here to check on you. I know how important this test is and I thought you would be overworking yourself. I was right. But it’s obvious my concern isn’t wanted. I guess I’ll just leave you to it,” Soonyoung spat. 

He took his hands off you and stormed out. As Soonyoung was about to open your front door, the soft sounds of you starting to sob in your bedroom stopped him in his tracks. The sound was unnerving and it tugged at his heartstrings. Sighing and unclenching his fists, he felt like all the frustration immediately left his body. Instead, it was replaced with concern. 

Turning around, Soonyoung walked back into your bedroom. 

“Baby?” Soonyoung called out apprehensively. 

Lifting your head, your teary eyes met his and you couldn’t stop yourself from bursting into another fit of sobs. Soonyoung rushed forward and scooped you into his arms. With your head buried in the crook of his neck, he rubbed your back soothingly. He whispered soft reassurances in your ear, repeating the words, “you’re okay baby”, “i’m here for you”, “you’ll be okay”. 

Once you calmed down, you shifted your head so your face was buried in his jacket instead. With your voice muffled by his jacket, you uttered a quiet, “thank you Soonie. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” 

Still rubbing your back, Soonyoung nodded his head in understanding and as an unspoken gesture of forgiveness. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked hesitantly. 

At Soonyoung’s question, you spilled everything to him. You talked about how stressed you were, how you wished you were smarter, how scared you were that you were going to fail the test. All your fears, worries, insecurities that you had suppressed in favour of trying to power through your studies came bubbling up. 

And as you talked, Soonyoung listened, taking in all your words silently. When you were done, he pulled back slightly from the hug so he could look at you. 

Brushing away the hair that had stuck onto your face from all the tears, Soonyoung looked into your eyes. His eyes were full of admiration, sincerity, determination, and most of all, love. 

Firmly, he stated, “baby, you’ll be okay. I know you will. You know how I know? Because I believe in you, your abilities, your intellect, and your drive. You’ve worked so hard for this and it will pay off. You’re strong. And before you say anything else about you still being scared. Just know this. It’s okay to be scared shitless but still be strong enough to go through it.”

Soonyoung’s words settled on you and you felt relieved for the first time in a while. Sniffling, you wrapped your arms around him once again. Letting yourself soak in the warmth of his embrace, you said, “thank you Soonie. You always know how to make me feel better. Although I'm sorry, it seems like I soaked your jacket with my tears.”

Chuckling, Soonyoung pressed a kiss into your hair, “that’s okay baby. As long as you feel better, I can live with that. I will always have other jackets, but I only have one of you.”

taglist: @weird-bookworm @wonijinjin @babyleostuff

[pinknipszz]

rainbow fish | (next)

“our people will need a chief and there you are.”

“how many times will we go through this?” quiet. angry. tired. it felt practiced and familiar, like a mantra repeated over and over. in your crouched position, you did not catch ao’nung’s gaze, choosing to focus on the task at hand: scaling his recent hunt. 

if you were any less than the person you are, you would have skinned him instead, but you were raised better than that. “deliberately risking your hunting party,” you continued. shick. shick. shick. "your friends with families to get home to.” 

bless your heart though, because despite the situation, your voice remained stern and steady without so much as giving him a glance. a fine punishment, and it worked. even with your eyes trained low, you felt the guilt coiling around his throat, rendering him speechless. you had the bond to be thankful for.

likewise, by your side with his legs crossed and shoulders slumped, ao’nung felt the anger in your chest. the words that threatened to spill out. even your unending patience, which he whole-heartedly believed ewya had given you herself.

“they deserved it, yawne.” he said lamely, flicking off a scale that had landed on your knee. instead of withdrawing from you though, he kept his hand there and rubbed small circles on your skin. “they do not know how to listen. on every hunt, i have to baby them like some parent– always telling them what to do, how to do it. after one of them screws up, i’m left to deal with the repercussions.”

ao’nung scoffed, thrashing his tail behind him. “those skxawngs had it coming.” it was harsh– he knew it was– but he meant every part of it. he watched your hands skillfully clean the fish he brought home, occasionally looking up to see your face. as he waited for a response, he listened to the hushed whispers and quiet conversations traveling in the wind, far outside of your shared marui.

like ao’nung, hunters and gatherers and fishermen would be retiring to the comforts of their home, catching up with their families and exchanging stories. barely audible, they were most likely about meaningless things, like the weather or the changing tides. somehow, your silence was louder.

“that doesn’t mean you get to do something stupid. you cannot let them drag you to their level.” finished, you straightened your back to inspect the scaled fish. you set it aside and reached for the next one, pleased with your work. “eventually, the tsahik and i will run out paste to help them.”

“is that what this is about? does my mother tell you to patronize me?”

exhausted by his stubbornness, you sighed, putting your knife down to look at him. he looked exactly how you imagined: ears pinned back in shame, lips turned in a deep frown, his dark curls tousled and untidy. he had surely met the wrath of his father before coming home to you. in the face of his vulnerability, a pang of guilt washed over you.

no matter how harsh his words were, you knew that they were his last line of defense.

placing your delicate hand on his knee, you returned the gesture as if to anchor him. “you of all people should know the line between right and wrong.” you whispered gently. “we are not children anymore, ao’nung. every single day is one step closer to the roles we have to fill, and when that time comes, we can’t look back. you need to manage your temper.” 

for a moment, as you studied your mate’s deep expression, the flames of your anger receded, leaving him to soak in your words. 

“to lead people, you need to love them.” he gave you a strange look, but you continued. “it takes strength and courage and patience, and you are capable of all those things. i know you are, but greatness comes with humility. i’m here for a reason, ao’nung. if something is wrong, you need to come for me for help.”

you spoke with such kindness and sincerity that it struck a chord deep in ao’nung’s heart. no matter how deep he swam in the pools of your eyes, searching and searching for an ounce of a lie, he found nothing. nothing but love and acceptance. and just like that, he was falling in love with you all over again.

the silence encouraged you to trace the details in his face, like his revered tattoos and the wrinkles near his eyes. whether they were from age or ire (you couldn’t tell), it further solidified the fact that the foolish, young boy who had courted you many moons ago is now a man, one of the people.

as your mind drifted through waves of nostalgia, you found yourself faltering. deep down, you knew that it was hard to blame him. to eventually become olo’eyktan after his father’s death, without being given the courtesy to show weakness for even a second. it was a responsibility not even you could amount to. you looked away and returned to scaling the fish. 

in an instant, the last bit of stubbornness melted from his face. he was already reaching out to you before he could stop himself.

“i’m sorry, yawne.” he whispered, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close, completely disregarding the mess on your floor. you hissed and tried to push him away, but he cleverly decided to bury his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. 

ao’nung, whether it be purposefully or not, held you in a position so awkward that it kept you from moving your arm, making it impossible for you to scale the rest of the fish properly. “i’m sorry.” he repeated.

“no, you cannot be sorry to me.” you huffed, wiggling out of his tight grasp. “it was not my life you put in danger.” 

“i see it now. you’re right, you always are. my sweet syulang–”

you delivered a particularly hard blow, causing him to grunt in pain and clutch his side. as he chuckled to himself, you crossed your arms and glared hard, pointing an accusatory finger. “trying to be sweet with me now, are you? i’m being serious ao’nung. i want you to stop causing trouble around the island!”

“yes yes, i will.” he grabbed your hand and pulled you in, peppering kisses along the side of your face. this time, though, you didn’t stop yourself from hugging back.

when the sky grew dark and the waves fell quiet, so did the people in their maruis. although you had fallen asleep not too long ago, ao’nung found your words heavy on his mind. he leaned against the entrance of your home, unable to shake off the strange sensation, as if he was moved by some newfound purpose that he couldn’t quite place.

as far as he knew, nothing changed. he was still motivated by the same goals: to have a family, to become olo’eyktan, to protect his people. so what felt different?

lost in thought, his ear twitched at the sound of distant talking. when he squinted his eyes to the path near the shore, he recognized one of the fishermen, who had stayed out too long, coming home to his mate. he knew him from childhood– a reckless kind of guy who often spoke before thinking.

they were exchanging words he could barely make out from where he stood, but all of a sudden, the stories, the expressions, the moment— they no longer seemed meaningless.

(masterlist)

[babygorewhore]

I’m with you

This is a reupload of my bipolar comfort fic. I originally took it down because at the time it was too vulnerable for me. But now, I want to share it. I want you to feel less alone. And I also need to let this out.

Warnings. Angst. Heavy angst at that. Bipolar disorder depicted but not a specific type. I have type one so this is my experience. Depression and mania shown. Self inflicted bruises. Suicidal thoughts. It’s a heavy one guys. But it ends on a comforting note. Eddie would love you and accept you. And you deserve your own Eddie. I can’t wait to share more fics as the new year passes.

It started slowly.

Eddie noticed you were more tired. You started sleeping more. You didn’t want to go out as much. Your friend’s phone calls and texts went unanswered. It was getting harder for you to get dressed. You didn’t have energy to put on makeup. Anything you loved doing. You just couldn’t do it. You stopped feeling desire.

Eddie knew this was depression. Deep, dark depression. He knew of it. But in a much different way. Some weeks you couldn’t stop crying. Inconsolable and all he could do was hold you until you passed out. You had your doctor appointments online. You couldn’t leave the house. Eddie was beside himself with worry.

“I don’t want to be here.” You hugged your knees while laying on the floor. Eddie tried not to cry. He really did. But your hair was matted. Days old pajamas and your hands trembled with hysteria. A black pit in your chest. “I can’t fucking live in my head! Just make this feeling stop.”

He was terrified of leaving you. Even for a second. You laid your head on his lap, screaming about how much you wanted to die. It was heartbreaking. In his mind, you were so lively. Passionate. Loving. Kind. Funny. You had so many good qualities. He loved you so hard, he couldn’t even imagine life without his special girl.

But you didn’t see it.

You didn’t eat. He had to practically force you to drink something. Eddie was trembling with terror every time you were alone with a closed door.

But then, he came home from work, prepared to give you something to try and cheer you up. You had cleaned the entire apartment. Changed clothes. Showered and you had detangled your hair. Music was playing.

Eddie was…surprised to say the least. He had lost track of time of the deep darkness. But he would take this over the constant unbearable misery.

You were energetic. Bubbling with excitement and you didn’t even look like the same person. Eddie was so happy you seemed better. And for about a week, he thought everything had finally started getting better.

And then it somehow got even worse.

Eddie thought thankfully you were finally sleeping, at least for a few minutes. This new episode didn’t allow you to rest at all. He didn’t understand how you were still standing. You hadn’t slept. Dark circles under your eyes. It was almost a painful opposite of before. Eddie saw you do so many things at once. It was like your mind couldn’t be contained. It wouldn’t shut off. He couldn’t even keep up with you.

After he left for less than two minutes to grab something out of the car, when he came back in, all he heard was your footsteps. Stomping. He quickly came into the bedroom. You were sitting on the floor. You were wearing one of his shirts and shorts. Your hair was out of your face, exposing your clenched jaw and your eyes were glazed with something he was afraid of.

“I thought you were gonna try and sleep, babe.” He was slow to approach you. This was growing unpredictable. It wasn’t a rollercoaster. It was an inescapable storm.

“I can’t fucking sleep.” Your voice was low but biting. “I haven’t been able to sleep. I-“ You exhaled slowly, removing your hands from your lap. Eddie’s eyes widened. Massive bruises on your thighs. Fist sized.

“Baby, why did you that? You don’t deserve that,” He started and you shrugged harshly.

“Well, apparently I do. I must have done something wrong to have this fucking disorder.” You stood and Eddie went to approach you, knowing you were in pain but you shook off his attempt.

“Eddie, this is insane. I have no idea what the next day is. I don’t know if I’m going to be at the bottom of the pit or I’m going to be at the top of the clouds. There is no medium. I’m on all these pills. I go to therapy. I do everything right! But it still doesn’t matter.” You were crying without tears. The bracelet he gave you dangling from your wrist.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I can see it in your eyes. I see it now with the bruises on your legs but you aren’t-“

“God, I can’t do this anymore.” Your hands went on either side of your head. “I can’t fucking do this. I don’t want to live if it’s going to be like this. What kind of life is this? I-i feel like I’m constantly losing my mind. I never get it back. And I don’t know which is worse. I am so tired of fighting a battle no one can see.”

Now, your eyes welled. “Eddie. You don’t deserve this. All I do is probably bring you down with all these problems. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of me.”

He rushed to you, letting go of whatever held him back these past months and wrapped you in a crushing hug. His hair was tied in a bun so he could feel your skin against his face. Eddie hugged you so hard he couldn’t breathe and you stumbled.

He pulled back slightly, cupping your face and wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“I am never going to let you go or let you deal with this alone. Ever. Baby. I’m not suffering. I have no idea what it’s like to be you. But You know what I feel?” You shook your head. Barely. “All I feel is so much love.”

“You shouldn’t-“

“Yes I should. I know you can’t see it now. And that’s okay. You don’t need to. But I see all of you. I see every thing about you. I want to be with you. No matter how dark it is.” You tried to hide that you were crying but he held you still.

“Baby. You’re not going to deal with this alone. I’ll fight for you. If you can’t right now, then I will. Im going try my fucking best to help you get through this. If that means I sit with you while you’re crying or I help you with a project you come up with. I love all versions of you.”

You finally wrapped your arms around his shoulders and hugged him again. “I love you, and I’m so glad you’re with me.” Your words were choked but Eddie was so relieved to hear them.

As worn out and upset as you were, he knew that that was exactly what you needed. And he was going to always be here with you. To help you get up again.

Tagging @xxhellfirebunnyxx @reidsbtch @lesservillain @take-everything-you-can @emsgoodthinkin @imyourdaninow @slvt4jamesmarch @ifeeltoofuckingmuch @melodymunson @onegirlmanytales

If you’re not tagged I forgot. I’m very tired and I’m going through a depressive state myself. But I hope this comforted you.

[the-kr8tor]

haii !! for your fluffy friday:

hobie brown x reader and reader got one of those american girl doll baby dolls (i forgot what theyre called) so hobie and reader can take care of it like its a real baby 🤗

Hi, angel! Thank you for your request, hope you like it ❤️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x Fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x Fem! Reader

Tags: no use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, Reader is pregnant, Fluff.

It's Fluffy Friday!

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

You and Hobie wave goodbye to Mayday, she pouts in her dad's arms, not ready to go home yet. Baby blues tearing up, her lip wobbles. Peter tries to console his daughter. The portal swirls in your living room, bathing it in a yellow glow. You cringe at how your stuff will fall harshly on the floors once it closes.

"You'll see them again, don't you miss mama?" He bounces her in his arms. Mayday only frowns more at her father's question, emotions running high.

"Mm-hmm, I'm sure your mommy misses you a lot, Mayday" you coo at the toddler, cradling your baby bump. You're about to burst any day now.

Hobie hands Peter Mayday's baby bag, "yeah, we'll just be here waiting for you" he ducks down to meet Mayday's teary eyes, shaking her tiny hands, trying to bring comfort. You grin at the interaction, hormones making you tear up.

"Thanks guys, I really need to get her home before she throws a tantrum. See ya!" Peter makes Mayday wave her hand by using his own. "Say bye bye, Mayday! Hit me up if you need any help, okay?" she finally wails as her dad steps inside the portal. Her cries get cut off by the portal closing.

"Oof glad I'm not Peter right now" you huff, turning around to look for Hobie, "Hobie?"

He crouches down to pick up a baby doll left on the floor. Shaking it in his grip, "D'you think she was crying because of this?"

"I don't think so, she barely played with it" you shrug, wobbling to him, taking the doll in his hands. Still accustomed to taking care of an actual baby, you cradle the toy like it's alive. "We can give it back to Pete next time they visit"

Hobie cracks an endearing smile, he's seen you hold Mayday before with the same enthusiasm but something about you carrying a smaller baby albeit a toy one unlocks something in his mind. He's absolutely excited to have the little one in your arms.

"You look really fit right now" Hobie eyes you up and down, whistling. You make pregnancy look good.

You roll your eyes, "what?" Not believing the words he uttered "my shirt is covered in baby food," you sniff at your collar. "Yep, mango baby food. And I haven't washed my hair in days"

Hobie leads you in his arms by your elbow, holding you close, the baby doll right in the middle of your cuddling, stomach making it hard to embrace him properly.

You suddenly realize what he really meant, knowing him well. Basically reading his mind when he lays his head on your shoulder, tired from chasing around Mayday all over the flat; hand rubbing soft circles over your tummy. The other kneads at the small of your back, massaging the aching muscle.

He's been so supportive the entire pregnancy, even with all your weird cravings and hormone induced mood swings, Hobie was always there to help ease the burden off of you. You've seen him get more and more excited everyday, bouncing all over the flat to get it ready for the baby.

"Yeah? I look good?" Bouncing the toy in your arms, you smirk at Hobie.

"Mm-hmm," Hobie peppers your face with sticky kisses leaving you all giggly and smiley. "So" kiss "bloody" kiss "good"

"Okay" laughing in between "calm down this is the reason why I'm pregnant" instead of pulling away, you encourage him by leaving your own kisses on his cheeks.

After a moment of you attacking his face with your lips, you finally pull away, scrunching your nose endearingly at Hobie with a lopsided grin. His hand never leaves your bump.

"Maybe we should keep this for a few days, might be good for practice" He holds the doll by its foot jokingly. You know he's prepared enough to know how to hold a baby properly.

You chuckle, "not a good start, babe" taking the doll with care, cradling its head, you indulge him.

"I haven't got that swaddling thing down"

"Come on then, let's practice" leading him to the bedroom by his hand with a tired but happy smile.

Reblog banner by @/cafekitsune

[romeored]

Ode to notes app catharsis and highway 97

There's a suicide circle on memory lane, right at the intersection of you and me. Warp speed, sweetheart. This is only ending with me first over the finish line or in a full body cast. I don't want it any other way. I hope you wreck your stupid car and I hope he's in the passenger seat when you do. I want to see the look in your eyes when you realize that I'm reaching all the dreams you gave up on and that I look twice as good doing it as you ever would have. I want to see the look in your eyes when you realize that I'm the one who's walking away this time. I want your blood on my hands. I want to dissect you on live TV and point out every single flawed bit of your insides to the entire world. I want you begging for my forgiveness on your knees in the dirt just so i can turn my back on you. Thinking about the future feels like doing 80 in a 25 and im not sure whether I want to hit the gas or the breaks but all that matters is that you won't fucking be there. That part feels like flying.

People say that revenge is a dish best served cold. there hasn't been anything even room temperature between us in a very long time and I can't wait to watch you rot from a distance. You're on the downward spiral and you don't even realize it. The jokes write themselves and you're the biggest fool of all. I am too, but only because i loved you at one point. I guess it's on me for not having enough sense to be wary of snakes. The cracks in the pavement sound like machine gun fire under my tires and every pothole takes me farther away from you. The sidewalk in your neighborhood is scrawled with good intentions and i should have been smart enough to read them the first time I walked up the street. I've learned my lesson. Im a kicked dog, and it was only going to be so long before i bit the hand that fed me. you were never the one holding my leash and I've finally learned when it's time to jump ship. Loyalty is so last season on both of us. Hearts of gold aren't good for much other than being heavy and I already gave mine away one too many times. Rule number one you either do the leaving or get left behind and im enjoying watching you get smaller in my rearview.

I wonder if you realize that you grew up to be everything we used to hate. hope you see a stranger in the mirror.

[grave-z-boy]

Right so I love your writing and just need more mx m cause fuck I'm tired of imaging dead me .

I'm a Trans man..I think ( female to male ??) So I was hoping for a fic somewhat like that . Arthur and reader meet when they're female but 2 years later or so they meet again and arthur doesnt recognize y/n (because they transitioned) I just want some fluff and acceptance of that . I know back then homosexuality was a big no no and being trans is unheard of so it'll be fun to see where you take it.

Arthur Morgan x Trans!Male!Reader

Summary: You’ve felt stuck and unhappy for years, so, in pursuit of your own happiness you leave everyone and everything you’ve even known behind. Including your currently out of state lover, Arthur Morgan.

Word count: 6,011

Warnings: reader is a bartender, reader steals, readers sister and mother are mentioned, implied past sex between Arthur and reader, drinking and alcoholism mentioned (not reader or Arthur), y/n and his guns, guns mentioned, shooting mentioned, abandonment, hurt comfort, reader being One Of The Guys™️, sleep deprived Arthur, Tilly being helpful, reader get misgendered and deadnamed a lot but it’s before they knew he was trans, reader cries really fucking hard at one point Arthur being sleep deprived, sleep deprive Arthur being really gay for Reader, not mentioned in the story but the reason Arthur is so tired is because about half way though his second trip to town his horse bucked him off for pushing her too hard and he had to walk the rest of the way, worlds longest warning list damn

Sept. 15, 18XX

My Dear Arthur Morgan

It’s been thirteen months since I saw you last. The time has passed slowly for me- sometimes it felt as though I was standing still for days at a time. Like everyone and everything around me was moving forward- but for me, and only me, time stood still. In the months since you’ve left it seems my joy, as well as a my love for my home town, has dwindled to nothing. Staying here, the way I am, it pains my heart. I know I said I would be here, that I would wait for you to return. But I need to change and the change that I need cannot be achieved here. The people here know me, they’ve known me my whole life, and no matter what I do I will always be that same little girl to them.

I’m heading up to a little town in Nevada, maybe I can start over there.

Always yours, D/n.

Arthur received your final letter months ago. In the time since he’s read it hundreds of times, mulling over every little detail. The crumbles in the paper, the unevenness of your writing, the all too familiar tear stains that permanently warped small circles on the page, the way your name ripped through the paper, as though you’d traced it dozens of times before sending it off.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand what happened, why after all this time of waiting, all this time of writing him dozens of love letters, why you decided to say goodbye, he understood change. Arthur has seen people change, he’s changed, and if it was change you needed he’d do it again. But you left. If he really wanted to, he could find you, ride day and night, ask everyone he saw if they’d seen the beautiful woman that he loved more than anything. But…

You didn’t want that. You didn’t want to be hunted down, you didn’t need to be convinced. You needed change, not a reason to stay the same. So he let you go and even when the following days were filled with the nothing but pain and confusion and the complete desolation your decision brought, he still let you go.

The gang knew he was hurting, he was withdrawn, went off on his own for a couple of days. They figured he went to find you, but when he returned, without you and in a severely worse state, they knew not to press him on it.

You weren’t much better.

This was your decision and you were going to live with it. You yearned for Arthur, every day and every night, it was different from waiting for him in your hometown, he was the one who’d left then, but you knew he’d come back to you one day. Now you were the one leaving, and you could never go back to him.

You needed to move on, you sold every piece of clothing you had to a local tailor, it was almost funny to see some of your nicer dresses displayed in the window the next morning, early on, your new wardrobe came from various drunk men. You’d be surprised just how much you could find in an alley next to a bar. After you had an outfit, a proper male outfit, you were able to assimilate.

You lived above a tavern. The owner was far too old and far too tired to run it anymore, and he wanted to live in his own house for the first time in decades, so he offered you the place for a little over a hundred bucks. You worked at the bar at night, while you handled various chores and other responsibilities during the day. The pay wasn’t great, but you had a permanent place to stay and spare food from the bar to eat, and it was more than enough.

You’d taken up a new name, y/n, you thought about it for a long time before you left. A good name, the name of a proud man with no connection to who you were before. No one ever questioned you. You were just a man to them. They teased you, in the earlier days, called you feminine, pointed out your hand, your cheeks, and your hips among other things, but in the end it was just teasing, they didn’t know why you were like that, and they didn’t question when you put in an effort to change or hide your more feminine aspects. Maybe they were just too drunk to care.

You loved this life, you were just the friendly bartender.

But even with this new life, you found yourself missing aspects of you’re old one.

Your old friends, your old family, your old lover. They wouldn’t take you back, not like this, they’d think something was wrong, they’d try to change you, try force you back into the box you clawed yourself out of.

But still you dreamed of them, your sisters cooking, the way she was effortlessly graceful even when she was teasing you, your friends, the girls you’ve know since you were in diapers, singing, making flower crowns, getting into trouble. Arthur…

You dreamed of Arthur the most. Your days and nights were filled with thoughts of him. You think back to your last night together, the way he held you so tightly, you swore you could still feel his hands there. The praises he muttered, the love he confessed through out the night, every move he made, the way he left and the hole that was left in your chest after.

You dreamed of him, like one day you’d wake up and he’d be beside you. And he tell you that he loved you, not d/n, not the girl from before, but you, y/n, as your truest self.

But just like yesterday, and the days before that, he wasn’t there when you opened your eyes.

The sun was just coming up. But the sliver of light that did shine through the window seemed to magically be angled at your eyes. Making the rest you so desperately wanted impossible.

You pushed yourself up with a groan, your elbow popping the moment you were upright, your eyes were just barely open, you scratched your chest and let out a long yawn.

Your room was still dark for the most part, but you were still able to pull on some pants and fasten a belt so you could head downstairs. The tavern was empty, you cleaned up good last night and you wouldn’t have to worry about really opening until later. Still, you unlocked the front door and flipped the wooden sign in the window to say open, the people here knew you weren’t really open to serve, you were just open to the chatty people that passed through in the morning, locals coming to say hi, or travelers in need of direction, others came to sit with their friends and get out of the violent Nevada sun. Either way, you’d be polite enough to them, but they weren’t welcome for a drink for another couple of hours.

Stepping into the backyard you picked the laundry off the line and into a basket. You heard the bell up on top of the front door ring a couple of times. As you got closer to the back door you could hear the faint chatter of two people inside, Doctor Mayer, one of three doctors in town, and Anita, a house wife. She was in here more often than her husband was, but you always figured that she just needed something to do while he worked considering you’ve only ever seen her drink a handful of times in the past year.

When you came through the back door she let out an excited yelp,

“Y/n!” She shouted, like she hadn’t seen you the night before.

“Mrs. Matthews.” You said with a respectful nod. “How’s you’re husband?”

She groaned, “paranoid.”

Setting the basket down on the bar, in between the upturned stools, you turned back to her.

“He used to be a farmer, farmers are always paranoid.”

“He was not a damn farmer, don’t let that man fool you, he was a farm hand, it’s different,”

Dr. Mayer piped in, his voice low and tired, though that just how he always sounded, “the bastard smells like one…”

“It’s getting warmer out there.” You responded, leaning against the bar.

“Doesn’t mean he has to walk around smelling like a damn animal!”

You laughed, turning back to Anita, “what does your husband do anyway?”

“He’s a banker, which is why he’s so damn paranoid in the first place.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well..” she stated, adjusting herself in her chair, “one of his colleague’s brother-in-law told his colleague that he saw a gang ‘a outlaws heading up this way, but here’s the kicker, Johnny, the colleague, is a notorious liar. Lies left and right like his life depends on it.”

“Johnny Flores?” You asked.

She smacked the table, “That’s the bastard!”

“Yeah, he comes in here every Wednesday like clockwork, telling the boys his stories. It’s a surprise the whole town hasn’t heard about this..”

“Well, it isn’t Wednesday yet, is it? It’ll make it’s way into you’re bar, don’t worry”

You laughed again, grabbing the basket off the table you said, “Alright, I’ll be back in a minute, got a few more thing to settle.”

You weren’t too worried about the rumors, there wasn’t much in the town anyways, no sheriff either so if they did come and make noise, it’d be a free for all and they’d leave with less than they came with. Everybody had a gun, hell- you had two, a shotgun the last owner had given you, and a pistol Arthur had given you a few weeks before he left, one was under the bar on a shelf, the other was under your bed, you’ve never really had a need for either, but if Johnny was being truthful for once in his life, which you doubted, you figured it was good to have them.

That night, when the bar did open, a few unfamiliar faces strode in, though none were to shady. A couple of working girls took to them quick and they were gone after being chatted up by for a bit. Outside of that, it was a normal night.

You closed late, shooing out the last drunk nearly two hours later than usual. Wiping down the tables, flipping the chairs and stools on them, washing the glasses, sweeping, mopping and making sure the front and back door was locked before heading upstairs. You scrubbed yourself down at your washstand. Of all things you missed from your old home, your bathtub was one of the bigger ones. Your mother had invested in it early on, and now you were saving to have one installed here too. What you wouldn’t do for a hot bath after a long day. You were almost there, another fifty dollars and you’d have all the money you needed. That’s were a good portion of your money went, you didn’t mind, after all you’ve sacrificed you deserve something nice.

——-

A couple of weeks later, Wednesday afternoon, Johnny Flores and a couple of his friend decided to take over the seats directly in front of the bar. Again, he told stories of bandits headed your way, but he was “serious” this time.

“I swear, I know what I saw, Dutch’s boys, just like the damn posters! I saw them coming from the east, clear as day.”

Before one of his friend could respond you asked, “and what the hell were you doing in the east, huh?”

“Well-“ he straightened himself out, “I was out with my lady friend-“

“The prostitute-“ his friend, Oscar, interrupted.

“-Not a prostitute, she's a-”

“-escort-” both Johnny and his three friends said together, they've heard that one before.

“Isnt that the same thing?” you asked.

“He doesn't think so!” Oscar said.

“They almost knocked our carriage over!” Johnny shouted, getting the conversation on track.

“Sure they did..” you said, drying the glass in your hand before setting it back down. “Bet they stuck you up too, only let you live cuz you're so pretty.”

“Go to hell, y/n.”

“I'll go where ever your lying, drunk ass ain't.”

“Im not lying, and I’m not drunk either, so get me another whiskey, asshole!”

“Hey now,” Daniel, who was also a regular, piped up, “careful how you talk to him, he might shoot ya’”

You set the glass down in front of him, he snatched it quickly, gulping it down.

“Or I might just piss in your whiskey.”

He choked hard, luckily the drink went down his throat instead of all over your counter, then you would have shot him. His face morphed to one of irritation, but his friend's laughter was infectious and he found himself laughing along with them.

The night ended with you carrying a passed out Johnny to the alley, you cleaned up, scrubbed yourself down, and went to bed just as you always did.

The next morning a delivery was made to the bar, food and alcohol, you kept your meats and some of your more expensive liquor in the ice box and things like bread and supplies were kept on the shelf. Food wasn't ordered commonly in the tavern, but there were those who ate here nearly every night because they had no skill for cooking and no one else to do it for them. You enjoyed those people, and you think they enjoyed you too, especially since the last owner would drive them out if they tried to come in for more than three days in a row. He thought that they were stealing food from other customers, but you didn't, You knew they were just hungry and needed to eat, and they couldn't be stealing because they always paid.

After that, your day was pretty normal- other than what you consider to be one the best things to happen to you in a long time- your bathtub, your beautiful porcelain bathtub with golden feet and faucet, was done. Fully installed and in perfect working order. You weren't going to pretend to understand how the man you paid did it, but he did. And finally, after what felt like years, you were able to take a hot bath.

It was weird, staring down at your distorted body as you soaked. Usually, when you scrubbed yourself down at the washstand all you could think of was how desperately you wanted this to be over. Your mind was clear, but that clarity only lasted so long though, as it did most nights, your mind wander to Arthur.

Saying you missed him was redundant, it was meaningless, it was stupid. You know, but you did. Letting out a long sigh, the last time you saw Arthur was like a dream, you spent an entire day together, you woke up together, ate together, bathed together, dressed together- everything you did, every little move you made reminded you of that day. And with Johnny spreading rumors about the Dutch’s gang, you heard his name more and more. You let yourself sink into the water, your eyes clenched shut as warm water covered your face. You stayed there longer that you should have, when you finally sat up, you were nearly gasping for air.

You got out few minutes later, you were tired, dressing yourself halfway before collapsing into bed.

You didn’t dream that night, your mind either too tired or too pained to show you your usual fantasies.

——-

Arthur swore he wouldn’t look for you, he swore it to you and to himself that he’d let you be free. But it seemed unavoidable now. Dutch had settled the gang in a large clearing in Nevada, the gang was mostly hidden by a small chain of mountains, and there was a streak of towns and settlements all within a couple dozen miles from each other.

There weren’t many cities in Nevada, it was dry and damn near impossible to farm out here if you didn’t know what you were doing, and if that wasn’t enough, the heat would be.

You were out there somewhere.

Dealing with the heat, with the drought, and with the shitty crops. And you still didn’t go back home. He’s been to your home. He's gone back dozens of times, you were never there, whatever you wanted to do, whatever changes you made, you succeded. He was happy for you, you were happy, God he hoped you were happy- he doesn't know what he'd do if he found out you weren't. If you were somewhere miserable and sulking, all this time, when you could have been with him.

He pushed those thoughts back- you were happy, you had to be.

When Arthur mentioned he was riding into the nearest town, he got a few odd looks. It wasn't a secret that you'd run off to Nevada, not even close. Most didn't say much, maybe a quick good luck, or a request for something from town. Some didn't say anything, but Dutch did. Dutch warned him, warned him about you and how some changes weren't good, and if Arthur did see you that he needed to be careful.

Arthur wasn't one to ignore advice, and he didn't ignore it, he thought about it as he road through the desert lands of Nevada, but whatever changes you made, he could handle it. He wasn't a child, he didn't need have his hand held. There wasn't even a guarantee that you'd been in this town, or the next one. So for all he knew he'd never have to face you're changes.

The town was bustling with life. The people went about their business. The town was…normal. Small, busy, and normal. He road in unbothered, no one here seemed to care enough to even look when the man when he trotted by.

Hitching his horse to a sturdy pole he set off to one of the small shops nearby, after picking up some extra oat cakes and apples for the horse, he tried to find the sheriff’s office, only to find that this town didn't have one after asking a mildly disheveled yet nicely dressed man for directions, no government either. The town was its own unit outside of the occasional trading.

“Danny Hikman used to be the law here, well, not really, but he kept people on the right track. Encouraged them to do right- and get guns, he used to run a bar a little down the way, gave it to his nephew or something-” the man said, laughing slightly.

“‘ bar any good?” he asked, only half listening to the man.

“The best, fresh food, cold whiskey- bartenders a good guy too, won't hesitate to throw your ass out though.”

“I’ll bet- which way’s that bar, again?”

———

You started serving earlier than usual today, mostly so you could close earlier without complaint. The familiar chime of the bell above the door called your attention for a less than a second, you recognized Johnny, then looked back down at the glasses you were cleaning.

“Changing your schedule on me, Johnny? I thought you were a Wednesday man?”

He let out a short laugh, sitting in the spot directly in front of you, “just showing a friend around.”

“You’re friends are all alcoholics, I doubt they need help finding a bar.”

“Hey now, I’ve got a new friend. Mr. Uhh-“

“Arthur.”

You felt like you’d just jumped out of your skin, the glass in your hand clattered against the floor, ever so sturdy. Landing thankful one piece. Staring at the man in front of you, standing just behind Johnny, Arthur Morgan, right there, looking just the way he did when he left, just the way you remember him.

He glanced at Johnny, then back at you- it felt like he looked right through you. Looking at you with none of the love or adoration from before. Because he loved d/n, not y/n. Y/n was just a bartender to him, an awful one who apparently couldn’t even hold a damn glass.

Your heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself, your chest was tight and you could feel your throat start to close as tears weld in your eyes. Quickly, you broke eye contact with Arthur, ducking down under the bar to grab the glass, using the sleeves of your shirt to wipe the forming tears in your eyes before standing up.

“Sorry boys,” you muttered, “you’re, uh, friend startled me is all.”

Taking off his hat and setting down on the counter, Arthur took a seat on one of the stools.

“Sorry, your friend here talked you up quite a bit, had to see for myself if what he said was true.”

You let out a laugh, forced and almost nervous, setting the glass down with the rest of the dirty glasses, you said, “Trust me, it’s true, what you looking for Mr. Arthur?”

“Just Arthur, and whiskey, thanks.”

You nodded to the man before heading to the storage room, you’d hate to admit it, but you wanted to run, straight passed the storage room and out the back door. But that would make Arthur think something was wrong, and yes, something was wrong, but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t recognize you, and that was okay, it was supposed to be okay, you left so you wouldn’t be recognized, you left to start over. But he’s out there, and you were hiding in the storage room so you wouldn’t have to face him. You gave yourself a moment, for your throat to release and for your heart to stop pounding and aching. Only the pounding stopped. You needed to work, you couldn’t let them know anything was wrong.

Grabbing a bit of higher quality whiskey out of the icebox, feeling the frosty glass sting your hand as you carried it out of the storage room. Without looking up at the man you grabbed one of the clean glasses and poured him about half a glass. You remember Arthur complaining about it once, only getting serviced the tiniest amount of alcohol, no matter the price. Capping the bottle you gave a short wordless nod before setting it under the counter. Arthur grabbed the glass, before he could speak you were on the other side of the bar, serving somebody else.

Johnny didn’t stay long, he had other things to do on a Thursday afternoon, but Arthur stayed, you poured him a couple more glasses before cutting him off, at least from your expensive whiskey.

“How much do I owe you?” He ask, his speech a bit slurred as he sat unsteadily in his seat.

“Nothing, I’ll put it on Johnny’s tab, come Wednesday he won’t notice it.”

“Thank you kindly-“

“Y/n-“

“Thank you, y/n.”

“You have a good night Mr. Morgan.”

You crawled into bed that night, still in your day clothes, feeling like your heart had been torn out of your chest. And you cried, you cried until the sun came up, until your body couldn't cry anymore and every sound you made was a rough heaving sob. And when you had no more energy left to sob, you stared at your open window, watching the sunrise, listening to the people.

You were supposed to open today, unlocking the door and flipping the sign, staring out the window, at the people, at Mrs. Matthews waiting across the street for you to open your doors.

You flipped the sign back, you stated at the word “OPEN” facing you, then at Mrs. Matthews's face fell as the word “CLOSED” faced her.

————

Sitting on his cot, journal on his lap, Arthur stared at the picture he drew. It wasn't perfect, considering he was half drunk when he drew it, but it was something. The bartender from last night. He was…something. A nervous something. Arthur felt bad for him when he dropped the glass, then he just…stared at him, long enough for Arthur to get a spark of familiarity when he saw his face. Arthur tried to get his attention as the night went on, ordering drinks, asking questions, trying to get the man to stay close, be he'd walk away the moment he'd answered or served him.

He wasn't like that with other patrons, he laughed, he joked- then he kicked everyone out.

He heard him say he was closing early, but let him stay until he finished his last drink. Arthur thought about the name he'd given. Y/n.

“I see you're drawing d/n again, did you catch her in town?”

Looking up he saw Tilly standing next to him with a kind smile on her face.

“No, it's not d/n, some bartender in town, he looks so familiar.”

Tilly hummed, sitting on the cot with Arthur and taking the book out of his lap. She flipped through the pages quickly before finding a drawing of d/n, with your final letter stuck right next to it.

“Needs a change, huh? Maybe she skipped town and became a bartender, you never know.”

“A bartender and a man?”

“You never know Arthur. Maybe that's why she left, couldn't make a change like that where people know you. They would've hunted her down.”

“Tilly..”

“Maybe you should talk to the bartender, if it's not her then it's not her, but if it is, are you really going to miss seeing her again because you won't take a chance?”

Handing the journal back to him she said, “Just think about it, at least.” Then she walked away.

————

You heard the slam of the front door behind you as you sat the freshly cleaned glasses on the rack. If you were going to sulk and lock yourself in the bar then you were going to clean while you did it.

“We’re closed..” you said, your tone not exactly customer friendly.

You had a list of things you needed to do, you've already mopped the floor, scrubbed the tables and walls, washed every glass, plate, and utensil, did your laundry, scrubbed your tub, cleaned your room-

“D/n..?”

You paused, then glanced over your shoulder. You knew it was him, you already knew, you knew his voice too well to ever mistake it. Taking a breath, you hands shaking and heart pounding, you turned around.

“Arthur, I-” you breathed out, but you didn't know what to say. “How did you-”

“Lucky guess..”

Taking slow steps towards the bar, you heard him sigh.

“Are you…okay?” he asked, unsure.

You nodded, “Yeah, yeah I'm okay.”

“We should talk-”

“Yes, we should-”

You stepped from behind the counter, still unsure as to what could happen next. Then, without warning, you were pulled into a tight hug, Arthurs's body practically enveloping yours. You stood there, holding him as tightly as you could until your arms started to burn from the strain.

You didn't know what to say, or how to explain what happened, the realization you went through while he was gone, why you left.

When you pulled away you still didn’t know what to say, you opened your mouth to talk but no words came out. You kept your face glued to the ground for a long moment.

“You look different, I didn’t recognize you yesterday..”

You pulled out one of the stools.

“I told you I needed change.”

He pulled another out beside you.

“I know, I just don’t know what I was expecting.”

“This must be so confusing.”

“It is, but I’m betting it was more confusing for you that it could be for anybody else.”

Leaning on the counter, you looked up at him.

“I guess so. In my home town I figured that they’d be a little more angry than confused so I left..” you stopped, taking a breath, “I didn’t want to leave you, Arthur.”

Arthur sat there silently, his eyes turned towards the counter.

You couldn’t help but stare, you haven’t seen him in so long, his eyebrows were slightly scrunched downward, his pretty blue eyes focused on nothing as his mind raced. His fingers tapped against the counter every few seconds. You tried not to let that anxious feeling in your chest build, but the longer he was silent, the harder it got to push down.

“You said you aren't happy anymore..”

You blinked.

“I wasn't.”

“How about now? Are you happy now?”

“I'm.. I have more good days than I did before, so…yeah, I'm happy.”

He stayed silent for another moment. You figured he was just trying to find his words.

Then, when he did speak,

“I still love you.”

You sighed, “I still love you, too, Arthur.”

Another long silence passed. It was odd, you've dreamed of seeing him again, all the damn time. And now that he's here you didn't know what to say. Your relationship, how ever strong it was before, was dying. Even though you loved him and he loved you.

Arthur was having similar thoughts, he didn't care how much you changed, he wanted you to be happy. That's all he wanted for you. But he wants to be with you, he doesn't care that your a man, it doesn't matter to him, he doesn't think it's ever mattered. He's never thought too hard about it. But now, with you sitting there looking the way you did. Looking so different, so muchlike yourself, so much more at peace even though you were being confronted, he thought, ‘yeah, I could be with a man.’

Before he could, you took a chance.

“How long you thinking of staying in town for, Arthur?”

———-

You laughed, he missed your laugh.

“You can't just go around taking people's clothes off!”

“I needed clothes and they were so drunk they wouldn't miss them!” you argued.

“How have you not been caught yet?”

“I bought new clothes!”

“Why couldn't you do that first?”

“I needed to avoid suspicion.”

“Avoid suspicious by stealing clothes..”

You laughed again.

You and Arthur had found your way upstairs, both of you sat on the floor, leaning back against the wall. He asked you how you ended up here, it was funny, explaining to Arthur, a known outlaw, the various ways you broke the law, and having him lecture you.

“I will not take this from an outlaw!”

“You're an outlaw too, now, Clothes Bandit.”

“Oh that's awful, why couldn't I get something good?”

“‘Good’ like what?”

“I don't know, you're better at naming things than I am.”

He looked over at you a small smile on his face.

“Really now, Mr. Y/n, how’d you come up with that anyways?”

“Well I found a baby naming book.”

He sat up, giving you a look.

“Are you serious?”

You looked at him for a second, a stren expression on your face, then slowly a smile broke out on your face.

“You're an ass.”

“You really think I got Y/n for a baby naming book?”

“You could have!”

“But I didn't-”

Eventually, after showing him your room and the various aspects of your new life that you adored (yes, the tub too), you headed back down to the bar, only to see Daniel, one of Johnny’s friends, behind the bar serving himself.

“Daniel, I'm going to kill you, how many drinks have you had?” you said, rushing over to him, snatching both the glass and bottle from his hand.

“One-” you gave him a look, he caved quickly with a sigh, “five.”

“Goddamnit.”

“‘M sorry, you are closed, your never closed!”

“I wouldn't be serving drinks this early anyways!”

He laughed, walking around to the other side of the bar, “I'm special though right? Won't get shot or banned or nothing?” he practically pleaded, but formed it like a question.

“No, you're not banned, but you still need to leave.”

He sighed, dragging himself out the door.

Sighing yourself, you turned to Arthur, “See what I have to deal with?”

“‘Seems like a handful.”

“Daniel is harmless, he's just an alcoholic.”

“Never met a harmless alcoholic.”

“He's harmless now, he doesn't want to risk almost getting shot again.”

Arthur laughed, sitting at the bar, just like had yesterday, “Who shot at him?”

You stared at him for a moment.

“You?”

“I gave him plenty of warning, see that hole in the wall that there—” you pointed to the very back wall of the tavern, between two tables was a loosely patched hole, “- warning shot, missed him by an inch.”

“Who the hell taught you how to shoot?”

“I taught myself, maybe I could teach you sometime.”

“Very funny, y/n, I wouldn't mind seeing you shoot sometime though.”

“There's a range in the next town, I could take you there sometime.”

The two of you talked until the sun had fully set and the town had gone quiet. The bar made you feel more open somehow, it always did. Arthur helped too, you guess. You missed him, you missed being like this, so normal with him. You were surprised his quickly things settled back in place, like neither of you had ever left. It was clear that you were different, but Arthur seemed to accept this change flawlessly. He never messed up, seemingly having ingrained every aspect of your new life into his mind.

Y/n, Mr.Y/n, Sir, he even called you handsome, you swear you nearly fell over when he did.

By midnight, you both were tired, and despite what he planned before, which was bringing you- if it was you, back to camp with him. But that plan never fell through, you ended up pulling him into the bathroom with you. You thought you'd be uncomfortable at first, but you figured if he was going to be back in your life you should get used to him seeing you naked again. But it wasn't, it was calm, comforting. You were thankful for your massive bath, the both of you fit well, you sat behind him, his hat tossed in on top of the heap of clothes you two had left, you ran your fingers through his hair, water from your hands running down his face. He hummed in contempt. He didn't speak much at first, simply enjoying you and your presence. It wasn't until the water had begun to cool and the cold air of the Nevada night started to seep in did he pressed himself closer to you, muttering something quietly.

It wasn't until you got out, long after the water cooled, we're you able to figure out what he was saying. You had some clothes you figured might fit Arthur, something you'd bought impulsively without actually checking to see if you could fit it.

“You have…nice arms-” he muttered.

You were pulling your pants up over your waist when he spoke, you turned to look at him, one hand holding your unbuttoned pants up, you asked, “Arthur, are you drunk?”

“No, no I'm just…real tired.”

“Didn't get much sleep?”

“I didn't sleep, I kept thinking of you.”

“When was the last time you slept?”

He groaned, “Tuesday, I was on watch Wednesday, I was pre occupied by your ass on Thursday, and now here we are.”

“Fucking Christ, go to sleep.”

“I want to look at you, I missed you-”

“I'll be here in the morning Arthur.”

He didn't respond for a long moment, you figured he dozed off finally, until you decided to switch shirts, shoving the one you had on into your drawer and pulling out another.

“You have a nice back too-”

“Good night, Arthur.”

Your night ended with you curling up around Arthur, your arms nearly wrapped completely around him. You didn't dream again tonight, your usual fantasies of seeing Arthur were deemed useless now and we're thrown out with the rest of today's mental trash.

[spicyclover]

Injured

Summary: Lance got hurt but is desperate to compete in the Bahrain Grand Prix. You strongly disagree and see that he’s struggling to recover.

Hope you’ll enjoy this part. Let me know in the comments section! And to support me by tipping me!

Little information, I will, for now, only post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Thank you, and Enjoy! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

“The year is starting well,” you think, slamming your apartment door. Despite his injury, Lance has decided to go for the grand prize, which severely handicaps him. You’ve spent a hell of a week between the hospital, the endless rehab sessions to get him over the edge so he can recover as soon as possible, and your crappy week at work. Got to say, arriving Sunday when he told you he was leaving for the grand prize, you got upset.

That’s why a big fight broke out, and he left the apartment with his suitcase and without a look, without a kiss, nothing. You can’t believe he will endanger his life or someone else’s to just drive a car. You like Formula One, but there are limits. He’s been unable to eat alone for a week. And now, he wants to race around a circuit for 57 laps. “Unbelievable!” Injuries do not heal in a day.

It pains you that he’s gone mad at you, and you're mad at him. Yet your ego is too strong for you to take the first step this time. You want to prove your point. His assistant wrote you when they arrived in Bahrain. 

You’re relieved to know he’s safe, but nipple as you are, you didn’t answer anything. Leaving a sight to his assistant, knowing full well that Lance asked him to do it. Still, he knows you won’t sleep unless he tells you he’s safe and on dry land. 

Wednesday arrives, and you are already exhausted. You no longer sleep, and your days at work are a nightmare. You’re in a terrible mood, with dark circles as big as the moon and eyes as red as a tomato.

You turn on the TV to watch the first days of media and see that Lance is just as tired as you. Tears are returning for the hundredth time today, and you can’t take it anymore. You begin to search for your favourite hoodie. It was one Lance offered you for your birthday with written in big “Mrs.Strulovitch.” Really cheesy, but you love it and wear it whenever you need comfort.

But you look everywhere, and it is nowhere to be found. You pick up your phone and click on Lance’s conversation to ask him where he is, but you hold back. You sigh loudly when you throw your cell out of your reach. You have only one desire, and it is that he speaks to you. Just a sign from him.

Thursday’s no better. You’re not even going to work because you don’t have the energy to do anything. You’re wondering how long Lance will last without talking to you, and you’re almost on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

You’ll only know how he’s doing through Aston Martin’s Instagram account. “It’s still serious that we got here.” You reload the page of your phone every thirty seconds hoping to get images of Lances that reach you. Free practices 1 and 2 have passed, and the car is at the front of the grid, which is incredible. Alonso does an exceptional job, but all you notice is that Lance has trouble with his hands. Being unable to hold his wheel correctly, in turn, is the worst.

At the end of his day, you finally decide to write to him. You ask him how he is and if his injury doesn’t hurt too much. You hesitate to tell him you miss him, but you do it anyway. After all, you’re taking the first step.

You’ve been waiting all day for an answer, but nothing. It’s Friday morning, and you pack up to join him in Bahrain. You take the first flight available. The whole flight, all you did was bite your fingernails at why he didn’t answer you and didn’t take the first step. “Does he still love me? Does he have anyone else?” This trip is torture. You only have one hurry to get here as soon as possible and clear things up with Lance.

You jump into a taxi and order him to take you to the circuit. You get the pass, which his assistant sent you the week before. You walk through the hospitals with determination, ignoring everyone who gets in your way. You trace to the green building.

You come in like a fury and head straight for Lance’s room. Nobody stops you, but they all know who you are. You open the door with a bang, but Lance is not there. You come back, look in the common air for a familiar face, and see his coach.

“Where is he?”

“Hello to you too, yes I’m fine and you?”

“I don’t have time for this,” you say, apologizing quickly.”Where is the idiot that happens to be my boyfriend?”

“He’s in the garage with the mechanics.” He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Thank you.” You head out. 

“Y/n?” Yell his coach once again. You face him. “I don’t know what happened between you, but please, please, make him nicer.” 

You nod, and you go out. You get to the garage and see him in the distance. He talks to his team. All the anger you have accumulated since the beginning of the day fades away, and you look softer. You step towards him lightly.

You wait for him to finish talking and turn around so you can do the first thing that goes through your head. You slap him before kissing him in the mouth. All your frustration evaporates for real, and you slowly back away. Lance is shocked. Actually, you think he doesn’t even know it was you. 

He blinks several times, making big eyes.

“I hate being in a fight with you!”

“Y/n.”

“Like you didn’t even respond to my message last night! I was worried sick.”

“Y/n.”

“I know I was harsh on you, but you’re in pain, and I don’t want to see you like this.”

“Y/n.”

“I love you, okay? I don’t want my husband to injure himself more because of his stubbornness. I know I’m selfish when I ask you not to go, but something, Lance, you don’t always have to go.”

“Y/n.” He stroked your cheek softly. 

“I haven’t slept in five days. I just want to sleep, and I want to cuddle with you.” You take his hand and kiss his band-aid.

“Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.”

“What?”

“Stop talking, he says, kissing you with passion. “I love you, but sometimes you speak too much” He chuckles, taking you to his driver's room. “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you, but I could use my hands yesterday. I know I’m hurt, but we have a great car this year, and I can’t not be here.”

You sigh but embrace him. You’re happy to finally be in his arms and that he’s okay-ish. You don’t want him to compete, but he’ll do it anyway. 

“I don’t want us to fight like this anymore.”

“Me too. I love you, Y/n.” 

[talkfastromance4]

Waiting & Staying–Jake Seresin (An Arrangement Series)

An Arrangement Masterlist

Follow here for all updates as I do not have a taglist

word count: 3005

warnings: hospital, sadness, slight angst

Feedback, asks, comments/reblogs mean the world to me!

Enjoy!

It’s all a miraged blur when you leave the ball. It’s blurred snapshots of running up the stairs to suddenly being in Reynolds’ car gazing at the streetlights as they streak by. Jake’s hand wraps yours up with his to stop your fidgeting but your mind is still fidgeting and racing. Then you’re running through the large revolving door of the hospital, your voice an echo as you ask for Betty and then you’re running toward the elevator, nearly tripping in your heels as you do.

Jake stabilizes you and once the doors slide open you step inside and kick off your shoes, your finger pushing on the floor number incessantly. You watch the red dotted numbers impatiently as you ascend wanting the elevator to move faster. You squeeze yourself through the doors as they glide open and run to the room Betty is in, your feet smacking on the floor.

Betty is awake but looks tired as she smiles at you then she frowns. 

“Why aren’t you at the party?” she asks.

“Because I got a call you were brought here,” you pant trying to catch your breath. Jake enters the room behind you holding onto your shoes. “Have you been tested or talked to by a nurse or doctor?”

“I had bloodwork done but that’s it. You should still be at the party, Dolly, I’ll be fine.”

“No, I’m staying right here,” you pull a chair up next to her bed.

While you wait Betty asks about the party and you tell her all about it. She asks the same question a few times but you don’t blame her because of what she’s been going through lately. The stroke that got her here is taking a toll and she hasn’t even fully recovered from the surgery on her bladder yet. How much more can she take?

Jake keeps leaving the room and going into the hallway, it’s irritating you slightly because if he’d rather be at the ball then he shouldn’t have left with you. You try not to dwell on it too much but when Betty is asleep and a nurse still hasn’t come in and he is still in the all, you stalk out there. 

“If you want to go back to the party, you can go,” you tell him hotly. “I’ll take it from here.”

“Why would I want to go back?”

“You’ve been on your phone the whole time,” you gesture to it in his hand. “So go, Jake. It’s fine.”

“I called Serena and told her Reynolds would be picking her up so she can get into the house and get you a change of clothes. I’m not leaving yours or Betty’s side.”

“Oh…” you feel sheepish now. “Um, thank you.”

“How is she feeling?” 

“Fine, she’s asleep now. But if they found blood I don’t get why tests aren’t being run,” you’re starting to get worked up again. 

“Let’s wait together.”

Jake rubs soothing circles into your back as you sit and wait for someone to come into the room. Someone finally does when Serena arrives with a tote bag of clothes telling you that Betty will need a colonoscopy but the doctor who does it is at another hospital so it won’t be until the next day. 

You’re adamant on staying and so is Jake even though you try to tell him to go home. The next day goes by and no doctor. Then another day and the same thing. Betty hasn’t been able to eat because of the colonoscopy and she’s only allowed to suck on ice cubes because it could affect the anesthesia and your patience has reached it’s limit. 

“Where the hell is the doctor to perform the colonoscopy?” you demand a nurse that has come in to check Betty’s vitals and levels of her blood. 

“He’s had quite a bit of emergencies–”

“Isn’t this an emergency since she was brought into the ER three days ago? She hasn’t eaten or drank in three days and nothing is happening!”

“Sugar–”

You push Jake’s hand away from your shoulder and you stand up from your chair.

“I understand you’re frustrated, Miss, but her levels are stable.”

“What does that mean? Is she still bleeding?”

“Not right now, that’s why we’re checking her hourly.”

“So if they rise will that constitute an emergency surgery? What if it’s too late? You all don’t seem concerned she was bleeding. I understand you all have a lot on your plate, I really do. I respect your job but this is ridiculous.”

“I’ll find out when the doctor will be here,” the nurse replies calmly.

“Good. Have him come straight here or I’ll find him myself.”

You glare as she leaves and Betty falls asleep again. You wait some more staring out the window and a nurse says the doctor is on his way now. 

“I know you’re angry right now, Sugar,” Jake says softly next to you. He places a gentle hand on your shoulder, “but Betty is very lucky to have you be her voice.”

That appeases you slightly but you’re still irritated.

More waiting and then the doctor comes in and his Colgate smile and bounce in his step really ticks you off. He reads through Betty’s chart, talks to her a little and says surgery will be in an hour. You snort and the doctor glances up at you.

“We’ve been waiting for a long time,” Jake explains.

“I understand that and I apologize–”

“You understand? Listen,” you spin on your heels so you’re facing the doctor. “I’m tired of being apologized to and saying you understand our frustration but nothing is being done to fix my frustration. I’m tired of the half-assed remarks and information. Your job is tough, I get that, you have other patients and you’re not supposed to get attached or have emotions in your line of work. But could you please, please try using a little bit of compassion? You’re still dealing with family members and a person who is scared and wants to feel better. 

“If you keep pushing her aside and I end up losing her, you’ll be dealing with a lot more than me being an angry family member.” 

“Yes, I’ll make sure the operating room and team are ready. I’ll have updates for you very soon,” he coughs then exits the room. 

You fall into the chair with your head in your hands. You’re emotionally and physically exhausted. You don’t want to be known as the irate person in the hospital but you’re tired of the ambiguity and evasiveness. 

When it’s time for Betty to go get her colonoscopy, you give her a hug and a kiss and you sit and wait some more. An hour later she’s wheeled back in, sound asleep from the anesthesia and a promise from the nurse they sped up the results but as of right now, her levels are still stable. 

“I think we should go home, rest, and eat something,” Jake suggests. You notices he’s still in his suit from three days ago and you feel guilty about that. 

“You can, I’m staying here. You could have gone home and changed, Jake,” you sigh.

“I told you I’m not leaving you. You stay and I stay, but Sugar–” he kneels in front of you resting one hand on your knee and the other on your cheek–”you’re exhausted. A hot shower, change of clothes, and some food will help.”

“He’s right,” Betty suddenly says. Her eyes are half-lidded and she clears her throat. “You take care of yourself, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ll stay with Betty–”

“You go home, too, Jake. Take care of my granddaughter.”

Her eyes drift shut and her body relaxes into the pillows. Jake’s green eyes are pleading and you give in, taking his hand and let him lead you out of the hospital. 

“What would you like to eat? I can make something–” jake begins when you’re back home.

“I’m not hungry,” you sigh.

“You need to eat something. What are you hungry for?” he insists.

“I don’t know. I’m going to take a shower.”

He watches you shuffle towards the stairs. He can sense you withdrawing from him and building up that wall he’s tried so hard to knock down. You haven’t opened up fully but he can tell you’ve been burned in the past but he’s not quite sure who hurt you this badly. He calls Rhea and asks her if she can make your favorite comfort foods. 

He decides to shower and change himself, he feels sterile and stiff from being in his suit and the hospital for so long. You’re still not out of the shower when he’s finished and he starts to get worried. Your bathroom door is shut when he enters your room and then he hears a clatter of commotion.

Panicking, he rushes to the door but it’s locked.

“Sugar! Let me in, are you hurt?” he asks, pounding on the door. The shower is still running and he thinks you might’ve slipped and hit your head so he shoulders the door open.

You’re wrapped in a towel, wet hair falling down your back and you’re leaning against the bathroom counter. Products are scattered along the floor and the heels of your hands are pressed into your eyes.

“Sugar–”

At the sound of his voice you start to collapse but Jake is swift and catches you in his arms right before you hit the ground. You’re sobbing and gasping, finally letting out what you’ve kept built up during this whole ordeal. You’ve tried to remain strong but it became too much and crashed over you like a tsunami. 

Jake shifts his body so his back is against the cabinets and he repositions you in his lap. Your arms wrap around his shoulders and you cry into his neck.

“I’ve got you…I’m right here,” he murmurs in your wet hair. He kisses the top of your head, holding onto you tightly, rocking slightly until you’ve cried yourself dry. 

He helps you stand then grabs a tissue to dry the tears from your face. Your eyes are bloodshot and puffy.

“Stay right here, okay?” he asks and you nod so he can shut off the shower then, grabs your hand and leads you into your room. 

He gives you a gentle push and you drop onto the edge of your bed, towel still wrapped securely around you and you’re staring, unblinkingly at the lush carpet. Jake sprints to his room so he can grab his NAVY t-shirt and when he gets back, you’re in the same position. Still as a statue, staring. 

“Let’s get you changed, okay?” he asks then moves to your dressers. He finds a pair of cream colored sleep shorts and opens a few more drawers until he finds some underwear. He sets the articles of clothing beside you but you remain unmoving. “y/n, look at me.”

Your eyes dart to his automatically.

“I’m going to help you change, is that all right?” he asks and you jerk a nod then stand up. Your movements are almost catatonic as you let the towel drop to the floor. 

Jake moves quickly, tapping your legs so you can step into the underwear as he pulls them up in the right position. He makes sure to keep his eyes on your toes, noting the pretty coral color they are from your last pedicure appointment, and wanting to give you as much privacy as possible. When he stands up straight, he grabs his shirt and pulls that over your head, again, keeping his eyes on your face. 

He pulls your hair out from the back, feeling how the ends are starting to knot. 

“Get into bed and I’ll brush your hair,” he says then gets your brush from the bathroom. 

You’re under the covers, stoic and clutching the edge of the bedspread, your eyes are heavy and he so desperately wants you to sleep. 

“Let me get behind you,” he murmurs and settles himself behind you as you move forward. You’re cradled between his legs and he drags the brush through your hair as gently as possible. “I’m having Rhea make your favorite foods, but if you want to sleep first I’ll make sure she puts it in the fridge.”

“‘Kay,” you whisper. 

When the brush runs through your hair with no resistance, he sets it on the nightstand and starts to move out from behind you. Your hands flash to his forearms, stopping him. 

“What is it, Sugar?” he asks, craning his neck so he can look at you more clearly. You open your mouth then close it a few times until biting on your lip. “Do you want me to stay?”

You nod.

“Okay, I’ll be right here,” he nods then kisses your cheek. 

You begin to move from his lap and he lifts his arms up allowing you to go wherever you please. You end up shifting to his side, draping one arm and leg over his torso, your head on his chest. Jake gets comfortable, tickling his fingers up and down your arm, pressing soft kisses to your head as he does. 

You end up sleeping for a day and a half and it’s a dreamless sleep. But when you do wake up, Jake is still next to you, you shifted throughout the entirety but he still had his hand on your hip while he slept. You rolled over and stared at his sleeping face, ignoring the hollowness in your stomach. 

His stubble is more pronounced and his lashes extend to his cheeks like little paint brushes. You scoot closer, pressing a hand to his cheek and he scares you a little when his eyes open. 

“Are you really awake, now?” he asks.

“Were there false alarms?”

“Mhm,” he slides his hand from your waist to your lower back, his thumb making circles. “A few times. I’m glad you finally slept.”

“I’m sorry about my…breakdown.”

“Don’t be sorry. You bottled it up and your body finally released it, but I could tell it took a lot out of you. Betty is doing fine, she called a few hours ago after she was done having breakfast. She wants you to eat before we head over there.”

“I am hungry,” you admit and it makes him laugh. 

“I thought so. I’ll go warm up the food and you can meet me downstairs.”

You’re both slow moving getting out of bed, you were in such a dead sleep your bones were sore and stiff. While you used the bathroom, you had some time to think about Betty. About Jake. About you and Jake. You grab the black folder from the bottom of your dresser.

When you went downstairs, Jake was setting the food on plates and he gave you a happy grin as you stood beside him, the folder behind your back.

“Grab whatever you’d like to drink. We can eat and then change before heading over to Betty–”

You cut him off mid-sentence by grabbing his cheeks and rising on your toes to kiss him. It’s only your second kiss but your lips move in synchronization, an already familiar dance and his hands find home on your hips. You set the folder on the counter beside him. His palms form perfectly to your curves and he inhales a gasp as you nip at his lip before pulling away.

“What was that for?” he whispers, jaw ticking as he swallows harshly. 

“I’ll sign the paperwork.”

He moves his head back, eyes studying you then he notices the folder on the counter. 

“You’ll what?”

“The arrangement, I’ll sign it,” you nod. “But everything will be for Betty.”

“y/n…let’s discuss this after you’ve eaten. You’ve just been asleep for thirty-six hours with no food and anxiety about Betty. We don’t have to talk about this now.”

“I want to talk about it now. You said the ball is in my court. I’ll sign it as long as it all helps Betty. I don’t want to keep waiting to discuss this. I’ve made my decision. I’ll sign the paperwork and we’ll figure everything else out later. But Jake…please help Betty.”

Your voice quivers as you say her name and on impulse you snake your arms around Jake’s shoulders. You press your lips to his neck, leaving soft, suctioning kisses to his skin while whispering ‘please’ and his body relaxes into you. 

“I’ll go out with you to restaurants and bars and parties and whatever else,” you whisper in his ear and then glaze over to his lips. “Taking care of Betty will take care of me. Please, Jake.” 

You press your lips to his, dragging your tongue through his lips to connect with his. He gives in, kissing you with all his might it makes your knees weak but then he removes your arms from around him. He places them at your sides, his grip firm but not unpleasant as he stares at you.

“Okay, sign it. But in the future, you don’t have to coerce me by kissing me, that’s not what this is.” His green eyes are dark and hard, unwavering as he lets his words sink in. “Understand?” 

You swallow.

“Yes.”

He releases you like a hot iron, picks up his plate and moves to the patio. You grab yours as well but he closes the door with a snap and you take that as being uninvited to join him. Your stomach is in knots because of what you just did but also a weird euphoric feeling that Betty will be getting the best care. 

Your lips are tingling from the kiss and you watch him slowly eat his food, your mind filled with more questions. The knot in your stomach won’t go away because you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings but you also didn’t want to stop kissing him.

Will you be able to keep the arrangement superficial? 

Does he even want it superficial?