#i lean heavily towards women
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i need a girlfriend… or partner… or maybe even a boyfriend
im getting desperate 😩
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@ilarual YOUR TAGS ON THIS POST ARE SO REALLLL I had to make a separate post about it
cas canonically does not angst about liking men. liking one man in particular yeah, but not about being gay in general. in an AU though? he literally comes from a fundamentalist xtian """community""" (cult) that has a disproportionate level of power over the lives of the general public. everyone in the cult is a huge narc, including himself. one of the only trustworthy people is his big sister who ran away and went no contact years ago. His mother is a CONVERSION THERAPIST who, let’s be real, probably isn't great about the autism either. too. i don’t get people who think cas’ backstory is impossible or even difficult to adapt to a mundane setting because the parallels are blatant and everything hints towards cas being deeply closeted.
I mean fuck, remember how balthazar was like “wow i’m so glad i rebelled and get to do whatever i want now including have obscene amounts of gay sex” and s6 cas was like :O you're using your freedom for HEDONISM? instead of SERVING THE CAUSE??? meanwhile he had spent the last year watching dean rake leaves in dead silence. and that's a cas whose family were only homophobic in the metaphorical and not literal sense. AU cas is not going to figure out that he's gay without a real fight!
#spn blogging#the thing about cas is#Canonwise i have no strong opinions about his sexuality#i mean yeah i am a staunch megstiel h8r#but i‘m not opposed to the idea of him being interested in women#besides what little fic I read tends to be from the early to mid ‘10s era which leans heavily towards bi cas#AU cas though... yeah he's gay.#we're taking the subtext in s4&8 and making it text
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that gorgeous fucking profile~🎃
#oh look it’s the person that’s sending me to hell in a hand basket#i really love that phrase ngl#that and ass over tea kettle#look at me saying more and more phrases from my grandparents as i get older#tbf some of the shit they said/say is fucking GOLD#so anyway#his perfect nose???#and jaw line???#he’s just genuinely very fucking attractive#and i know for some people he’s just this generic mundane like normal-attractive guy#but he’s just so fucking like irresistibly gorgeous fucking man#which still throws me off that i’m like ~this man is delicious~#but hey#ig that’s the confusing beauty of being a fucking bisexual queer#even if my scale leans heavily toward women/nb#wow maybe talk about oversharing#who the fuck cares#what’s tumblr for if not for oversharing#frnkiebby#frank iero#mcr#frnkiero#frnkie#mcrmy#mcr5#my chemical romance#my chem#ilhsm
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'Anonymous' @neverhangd said:
Smash or pass Anne Bonny, from this totally anonymous anon, for Izzy 👀
Send Smash or Pass + a name and my muse will say if they would smash or pass on that person.
The answer takes some thought, a few immediate issues coming to mind. Notably, she's a woman - which, historically, isn't his type. He'd had a few embarrassing situations with a whore or two before he started to figure his shit out. Then again, sex was a lot more complicated back then, overall.
More importantly, in a professional manner, she's under him, meaning she shouldn't be under him. He doesn't want to go around making a habit of sleeping with people he's supposed to be commanding. Though pirates aren't as strict with that sort of thing as a navy would be, and Stede's ship even less so. Still, it's something he notes, carefully - that she could feel pressured, especially with those starry eyes she looks at him with sometimes.
. . . It's nice being looked at like that. Most of Bonnet's crew has forgot that he's one of the most dangerous pirates alive. Or used to be, anyway. It's nice being admired, knowing he's still worth looking at.
She fights like a wildcat. Maybe she fucks like one too.
Smash.
#(( sexuality labels are a joke izzy is homosexual and will occasionally be attracted to and may even fuck women ))#(( izzy could marry a woman and still identify as homosexual and he has done some in some verses i've written him in ))#(( it's just what he's comifrtable woth and to be fair he leans *heavily* towards men ))#(( he likes . . . that she is tall ))#(( he's also giving me dom vibes abt it ))#ic.#; israel#ic; israel#neverhangd#(( what? why's that there ))#connection; israel & anne / neverhangd#suggestive cw#(( i appreciate izzy taking note of the poser dynamic ever though he always promptly takes part in the relationship anyway. ))#(( at least he's keeping it in mind yknow ))
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anybody else like it when aroace men
#aspec spaces just tend to lean so heavily towards women n more agender-adjacent nb folks which! very cool! no shade just sometimes is hard#to relate to on a gender level especially with certain experiences and gendered expectations around sex and romance#so anytime i see another aroace guy i have to restrain myself from turning into a full golden retriever going hi hi hi hi hi <2#like other aroace men just Get It in a way that i relate to so heavily so often. aroace men you are everything to me you are me#just think it’s neat i like dudes especially when we’re aroace it’s great. men <2
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i have such a love/hate relationship with being unable to transition in my life currently, for a multitude of reasons
because while it sucks, not feeling like the body im in reflects me 100% (i do feel like its *me*, always has been *me*, just not like..the full picture of me) the entire reason it took me so long to come to terms with being fully a boy is that i don't hate being a girl! i enjoy a lot of it! but in the way that i don't want it to be my entirety. i want womanhood like a cosplayer wants to out on a wig. i love being a girl in the way a drag queen loves being a queen. i love being feminine, but i don't want to be seen as just feminine.
so now that i've come to terms with the fact that i won't be satisfied until i'm actually transitioning, instead of feeling trapped by femininity i feel like...i'm doing a victory lap. a farewell tour.
i don't hesitate to compliment other girls anymore because I know when i'm fully passing as a guy it won't be seen the same way. when i meet a girl for the first time instead of shying away from "being a girl's girl" and gossiping about her trip in italy where her boyfriend cheated on her; instead i lean into it, not thinking twice about how i might make the conversation awkward because i know one day this isn't going to happen one conversation in with a girl i've never met before. because now that i know why these things always made me uncomfortable despite how much i like them, i can enjoy them while they last. having a pad on hand for the random lady in walmart. being in a thrift store and an older woman approaching me to ask if the yellow dress or the purple dress looks better, and i say the purple one because it suits her eyes. because i know one day, i will be happier because ill feel so much more comfortable in my own body, but i know i'm going to miss these parts of being a girl.
i love women!!! and i love being among women! but i don't love being a woman, not like the joy ive felt after accepting that i'm not. but that's okay, and i know i will miss it, but that means i can enjoy it while it's here ❤️
#and i feel obligated in the tags to say i know it might seem like it but im not like bigender or anything like that#like probably vaguely nonbinary leaning heavily towards boy#i love being feminine but i want to be a boy who is sometimes feminine. you understand#transgender#personal post#long post#i played with genderfluid for a LONG tome and honestly its probably the closest label#but after stressing over labels for years now im just queer hahah#if i were to use genderfluid it's more like#im a boy except for on the full moon every third month#also loving women confused it for a long time#like it was hard to tell the difference between 'i love these things about women...so i must want to still be a woman..?'#or ur just a womankisser cedar have you considered that?
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gwyn sure does love ✨women✨
#she is pan#but does lean very heavily towards women#like have you SEEN the women of the night court#i gotta write something for her sexuality#and after the attack#because it’s complex#( headcanon .
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#me: maybe I should try a dating app; see if i can find some lgbt people in the area#*makes a profile and starts swiping*#*increasing distress as swiping right on someone means potentially being perceived*#hate this but also how the fuck else does one meet people in their area#also set my thing to women and nonbinary people cause im like yeah i think women might be more what im interested in#but then this 6'2 and heavily bearded nonbinary person came up and how they present is not at all what i thought i would lean towards#but goddamn#and they're an actor???#i haven't even made it through their profile but ngl im a be disappointed if they're like right at the edge of my geographic parameters#cause I've already determined i need to adjust that down a bit#kee speaks
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i said it on twitter the other day but feel free to use they/them pronouns for me as well apart from she/her!! i keep finding myself even at my age and i feel comfy with both! just please don't use masc pronouns or terms!
#im doing lots of thinking and i guess im non binary but leaning towards female v heavily??#maybe it's because i've been raised as a woman and i love women#honestly at this point i dont wanna think about gender sdlkgjsg#like as long as u dont refer to me as a man or masc terms im okay with anything#personal
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🍑 for Mikan
I am always. ALWAYS. On my Twogami/Mikan shit. The best thing that came out of DR3 was getting to watch the dynamic of Twogami (physically cannot stop himself from protecting and caring for all the others, no matter how out of character it is for Byakuya, at the expense of his own life) and Mikan (takes all of her self confidence and joy from treating others' wounds as a way of making herself feel powerful & useful, is constantly degrading herself in an attempt to make others happy) banding together to take care of Ryota...the extension of that dynamic in UTDP when they come together to force Hifumi to take care of himself, and later when you explicitly see them taking care of each other and gaining self confidence as a direct result of their relationship...mwah. Mutually beneficial and loving relationships for people who feel fundamentally unlovable. Mom/Dad dynamics.
And then also Ibuki/Mikan, obviously. Because I'm a lesbian and have eyes.
#i actually mislabelled mikan as lesbian in my sexuality headcanons#but i headcanon leaning heavy towards men and twogami is my beloved nonbinary he/they anyway#so i was like. eh. its whatever#asks#anon#talk to the mod#i also have a big fondness for junkan#but thats less because i have strong feelings about their relationship and more because Canon WLW Content and Evil Women Hot#*leaning heavily towards women
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as much as i talk about being gay and stuff, i like to think some of you guys get whiplash when i talk about women
#don’t get me wrong. i love women#i guess im more attracted to ‘3D women’#but i’m just heavily leaning towards men/masculine people#but i do love women too#im speaking
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youtube
see also:
would you date a bisexual man? unpacking the "downlow" paradox by khadija mbowe (video)
why we hate bi men by verilybitchie (video)
bisexual men’s experiences with discrimination, internalized binegativity, and identity affirmation: differences by partner gender (sarno et al., 2020)
between a gay and a straight place: bisexual individuals’ experiences with monosexism (roberts et al., 2015)
gonna be honest i don´t like playersexual characters because it makes them feel less like actual characters and more like dolls. what i mean is there´s no way astarion is sexually attracted to women i dont buy it
#baldur's gate 3#biphobia cw#panphobia cw#homophobia cw#being a fruity queer dude and not having your attraction to ppl who aren't men respected is so vile LOL i hate this fandom#'im pan hes a fag' no youre a pick-me n rainbow capitalism has convinced you that ur minority gender/sexual identity absolves u of criticis#lgbt people will see a queer person and know that queer identity comes in an infinite amount of permutations and Still single out#someone femme as gay. i swear people on this site just learned how to reframe their ''which one of you is the girl'' mentalities#instead of unpacking their conservatism. absolutely zero intellectual curiosity or moral clarity#'he leans heavily towards men or super masc women' <- casually reinvents heteronormativity by assuming femmes MUST be paired w mascs#'i assumed his voice would be deeper but that is a whole homosexual' <- thank you for alienating trans people who take testosterone#fandom critical#queer tag#long post cw#q
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Koichi, do you have more boyfriends or girlfriends?
𝐊𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, but it wasn’t one that was very hard to answer. ❛ I’ve always had more girlfriends than boyfriends, ❜ he commented, thinking back to his childhood and school years. ❛ Both platonic and romantically speaking. ❜
It was only after adulthood that he started giving men more of a chance. He didn’t regret it, but women still held him in their grips very tightly. ❛ I still lean heavily towards women for both friendship and romance but I am no longer so opposed to men as I once was. ❜
#❛ 𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐒 . replied .#❛ 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒 . shindo koichi . ic .#❛ 𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐔𝐒 . anonymous .#( koichi said women and i stand by this )#( he is a bisexual king but he leans heavily towards women )
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stranger in your bed (simon riley x reader)
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sun streamed through your blinds as you groggily opened your eyes, still tired from a night of drinking and dancing. immediately you ran out of your room and into your bathroom, just in case. you came back a bit refreshed, stomach still roiling but stopped short when you noticed what, or who, was in your bed. his torso was littered with scars, heavily muscled without being ripped. the body of a man who labored instead of manufacturing his muscles at a gym. his face was tucked into your pillows, but as your eyes trailed downwards, you noticed something else. your thighs rubbed together at the sight of his length, jutting through your covers. you wondered how you would get this man to leave and- “enjoyin the view, love?” he asked in a gravelly tone, face turning to send you a cheeky grin. you were caught, open-mouthed, and there was nothing you could do about it.
he ripped the covers off and stalked towards you slowly, not bothered by his nakedness or the fact you kept staring. you suddenly realized you were wearing his shirt, and upon closer inspection, his neck bared a couple of hickies starting to bruise. “did we-“ “no. i don’t fuck women who can’t see straight.” your lips parted into a slight o as you backed against your bedroom door, unable to tell him to stop walking near you. he finally reached his destination, arms reaching out on either side of your head, his nose brushing your neck. “now lemme hav’ my breakfast, yeah?” you nodded, insanely curious about what this man could do to you.
his hands reached the hem of your shirt, slowly tugging up, giving you time to stop him. instead, you put your arms up and let him pull it off you, entirely submissive to the machine of a man in front of you. “good girl. lean back.” you put your weight on the door and stared up at him with big doe eyes. he reached down for a kiss, restraining your hands from touching him as he slightly sucked on your bottom lip, leaving you with a small bite. you were breathless now, chest rising and falling in quick succession as he made his way down your body, leaving little kisses at places he wanted to come back to. finally, he knelt, giving you a succulent kiss to the apex of your thighs. you were positively dripping, squirming against the door as this stranger had you at his mercy. he nosed the outside of your folds, laughing under his breath as you emitted a small gasp.
“so desperate to come, hm? didn’t even ask my name. how else do you know what to say when you come?” he leaned back, looking at you expectantly. you whined at the loss of contact, hips canting in the air as you tried to entice him back. “what’s your name?” you gasped, pleading for him to finally taste you. “i’ll spell it. focus.” he dived back in, scruff rubbing against your thighs as he teased the outside of your cunt, knowing you barely felt it. “pay attention.” and he finally licked you. he swirled his tongue once then retreated, leaving you wanting again. "so?" "so what?" you practically whined, your hand leaving your door to tug on his hair. he let out a chuckle at your impatience, bracing a hand against your thigh as he stopped you from pulling him into your needy cunt. "so what was the first letter, love? let me do it again." ever so slowly, your stranger licks your cunt, tongue swirling right to left and downwards. "what letter?" "s?" "my smart girl." he rewards you with a long lick up to down, and a little kitten lick to your clit after. you're positively on edge now, somewhere between extremely frustrated and extremely aroused.
he pauses again, patiently waiting for the next letter. "i?" he hums a smile against your cunt, then dives in, making a complex shape with his tongue. you're wracking your brain for names that start with "si", desperate for this man to stop playing games and truly fuck you with his tongue. "simon!" you yell. he rises from his knees, and you wonder if you've made a mistake judging from the smolder behind his eyes, their gaze fierce as the air turns heavy. he pulls you in for a rough kiss, teeth bumping and tongues clashing as he absolutely claims you for himself. "say it again." he whispers as you moan at the sudden intrusion of two of his fingers into your cunt, hole dripping with wetness. "simon." you whimper against his lips. his fingers move faster, thumb circling your clit expertly as his other hand comes up to tweak your nipple. his cock presses against your stomach, his pleasure forgotten as he wholly focuses on yours. "cmon baby, you're right there, i know you want it. come for me." he takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking slightly with a slight bite. that's it as you're sent careening off the edge, hips fucking you further into his hand as you sink into the door. he catches you with his free hand, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "feel so good, hm? can't get rid of me now. want another two out of you before i fuck you. how does that sound, love? you brought the wrong man home. i'm going to ruin you."
—
wrote this extremely hungover while wishing simon riley was in my bed
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I posted this in the replies of a post recently but I feel like actually posting it so fuck it
This is all purely anecdotal, and I’d love for someone to do a study on this in some capacity but that’s probably not gonna happen so whatever. I’ve noticed pretty consistently that trans spaces I’ve been in lean heavily majority transmasc, particularly when they skew younger (eg college campus trans groups) and that on average transmascs seem to come out younger than transfems. To be extremely clear this is not a complaint, but rather an observation
And for a while now I’ve been pretty sure I know the reason for this. Generally, people who are afab have more leeway for gender expression when they’re teenagers than people who are amab do. This, obviously is not universal. There are many communities whose misogyny includes not letting those they perceive as women dress in pants or suits, etc. However, communities such as those are also just as harsh and violent to those they perceive as men wearing women’s clothes. Whereas, in communities where afab people dressing in pants, suits, etc is accepted, the same for amab people wearing dresses, skirts, makeup, etc is very rarely as accepted.
The end result is this: transfems rarely have our eggs cracked young, because what that often requires is an initial moment of gender euphoria. Dysphoria is far harder to recognize when it’s your baseline, and you’ve never experienced euphoria before. So, young transfem eggs rarely have the experience of trying on clothes that make them feel like the girls they are, whereas such moments seem more common for young transmasc eggs.
This, I think, is one of several reasons that the whole language and culture of “eggs” skews almost exclusively towards encompassing transfems. Our moments of exploring gender expression are rarer and later in life, and stand out so much because of the stigma and insecurity that surrounds them.
I think this is one of several disconnects that some tme people are having with the currently ongoing egg discourse. Transfem eggs often don’t have an opportunity to explore gender presentation ourselves, so we often require someone else to extend a hand and give us an opportunity to try on dresses or try out she/her pronouns or just make a part of us we’ve buried so deeply feel seen. It’s so much of a longer process to reach that point on our own.
To be clear again, none of this is to say that transmascs have it easy, or anything of the sort. Our transitions take different paths, and I think there will always be a disconnect if transfems’ paths to coming out aren’t viewed through the context of how limited our options are.
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WHY DON'T WE FALL IN LOVE TONIGHT ?
✩ — in which you found yourself executing a ruse with the known duke of meropide, wriothesley. what could possibly go wrong? (many things, apparently.)
✩ — prompt: panache — you agree to a fake courtship with another. (for @xianyoon's "a night to remember" event (event two hehehe))
✩ — includes: wriothesley x f!reader. royalty!au. fluff, angst if you squint, hurt/comfort if you also squint, comedy squeezed in just a teensy bit. cw: alcohol consumption (reader ends up taking a shot or two) one crazy scene in the garden but it's nothing too explicit i swear they just get a little carried away OOPS. wc: 8001 yes you read that fucking right (i went insane). fake dating trope went a bit overboard my bad (heavily based by bridgerton season 1 minus the explicit scenes LMAO). one pride and prejudice and meme reference line sneaked in (if u get my reference then ilysm i need to kiss u). other fontaine characters make a cameo yipee!! full fic of this silly post i made back then but i changed things up. kinda
✩ — please reblog !! it wld help me tons :,)
love at first sight was a frivolous belief for a man like wriothesley.
romance, in general, was a frivolous belief for him in the first place. as much as his father pushes him into the marriage market for all of the women in the kingdom of fontaine, he would always find his way out of it. but he does admit—the nagging could get quite... overbearing sometimes. romance almost never crosses wriothesley’s mind. he shuns every vigorous mother that presents their daughter towards him in hopes that he’ll take an interest in them (which he never does; wriothesley believes that marriage is too big of a responsibility for him).
a ball is never uncommon in society at this age. and certainly it isn’t uncommon for his father to urge him to grace these balls with his presence on behalf of his former duke of a father. and tonight wasn’t so different from the other balls he previously attended. wriothesley holds back the urge to roll his eyes after he excuses himself (for the nth time, he thinks) from another mother who tried to offer her daughter up for his hand in marriage. it was exhausting, to say the least. wriothesley wants nothing more than to leave at the moment. however, to his dismay, the ball had just begun not too long ago.
it’s another long night for him.
sharing some conversations with queen furina’s royal advisor, neuvillette, wasn’t a bad way to pass the time. and it certainly was effective because people were far too nervous to approach him with the queen nearby. the friendship he shared with the royal advisor wasn’t new knowledge to society. almost everyone and their mothers had heard about the tale of the current duke meropide and the queen’s royal advisor being close friends during their early days of childhood and onwards. though wriothesley sometimes admits—he surely misses his youthful days.
it’s not like he's that old now. he’s currently thriving at the young age of twenty-five! not too young, not too old either. “and just how long are you going to stand by my side tonight, wriothesley?” neuvillette asks, his eyes focused on the crowd below him. there were pairs dancing gracefully in the middle of the venue as the quintet orchestra played by the side. wriothesley doesn’t glance at him as he answers. “just a bit longer, i suppose. i could still feel their eyes boring holes into me.” he mumbles the last part, leaning closer only for neuvillette to hear, as he refers to the mothers that attempted to make their advances on him earlier. neuvillette simply chuckles at his remark.
“still refusing marriage, i see?” he replies.
“i’m confident that you’re well aware of what my answer to that is going to be, neuvillette.”
wriothesley feels comfortable like this. but he’s aware that he couldn’t spend all of his time by his friend’s side. soon after, wriothesley decides to take his leave after making sure his coast is clear. he then exited nearby and found himself wandering into the garden. surely, the workers at the house of hearth had done a splendid job maintaining this garden. he reminds himself to commend duke arlecchino for this if he ever gets the chance.
the wind tonight was quite cold, yet it’s nothing wriothesley couldn’t handle. he stumbles upon what seemed to be the center of the garden, surprised to see a fountain there. the moonlight shines brightly in this area—but what actually made wriothesley curious was who was sitting by the fountain? he steadily approaches, careful not to make the wrong move and sits by the fountain as well. there was still some distance between the two of you—a lot of it. it would be indecent of him to burst into a woman’s personal space. his father did not raise him to be that sort of man.
“what brings you here tonight?” he suddenly finds himself asking. it was a poor attempt at small talk, he thinks (he could do much better than that, he swears). wriothesley doesn’t even dare steal a glance at you, as much as he wanted to. you hesitated before answering him, still sinking in the fact that you suddenly have company in this garden now. “avoiding society as usual, especially the members of society who cannot give up offering their hand of marriage towards me, i suppose,” he hears you sigh. huh, how ironic. did wriothesley just bump into someone who suffers from the same problem as him?
the answer was most definitely yes.
“oh, what a coincidence—i suffer from such a predicament as well.” he chuckles bitterly in reply—too bitter for his liking. he didn’t want to suddenly ruin the mood now; the conversation had barely even started. “is that so? i’m delighted to know that i’m not alone in this boat then.” the tone of your chuckle was different from the chuckle you got from wriothesley. a comfortable silence was then enveloped over the both of you, enjoying the scenery around. he takes this as his chance to steal a glance, and he quickly takes it back. yet he finds himself glancing again.
and again
and again.
he doesn’t quite understand it himself. however, there was something about you that had this alluring effect on him of some sort. he just couldn’t tear his eyes off of you for some reason. “enjoying the view much, duke?” you asked, meeting his gaze. wriothesley then turns away suddenly, embarrassed that he was caught red handed in the act of practically ogling at you. his father did not raise him to be like this at all. he did not spend his childhood and teenage years training how to be a proper gentleman for his debut in society just to be ogling at a lady he just met at a ball. he needs to snap out of it.
“my apologies, but how could i resist putting my attention on a stunning lady like you?” he tries to play it cool. (keyword: tries.) it was a strategy that he learned to adapt every since he made his debut into society. playing it cool always works for him—surely his old trick wouldn’t fail at him now of all times, right? but wriothesley soon snapped out of his thoughts, and he then asked another question. “wait, you know who i am?”
you were taken aback by his words. is he seriously asking you that? “who wouldn’t know you? you’re quite famous with the other ladies.” you asked him back. he simply replies with a short “fair point.” and silence takes over once again. but this time, it was a bit awkward. you decided to introduce yourself to him, stating your name and title. he nods in acknowledgement of your introduction. he has heard of you before, of course. your family has quite a reputation in society, making you get quite a bit of attention at formal parties as well.
wriothesley doesn’t dare steal a glance at you again, as he has seemed to learn his lesson from what happened earlier. you, on the other hand, took this as your chance to take your leave. “although your company has been quite interesting, duke meropide, i’m afraid that i must take my leave first. i seem to have forgotten that i excused myself from lord jackson earlier.” you got up from your seat, already walking away from the fountain—that is, until wriothesley speaks.
“lord jackson? you mean the lord jackson who’s known for his… awful history in relationships?”
“i don’t believe there’s any other lord jackson in this society, duke meropide.” you turn around to face him.
“what business do you have with him?” why am i even asking? he thinks.
“he’s simply another one of the men who my mother had decided to set me up with for marriage. i was told to accompany him for tonight but you see, his company isn’t really... the best.” you replied, choosing your word carefully. despite you not liking lord jackson at all, it would be informal for you to speak ill of him when he could be the man you’ll actually marry.
actually, scratch that. as if you’ll ever allow yourself to marry a man like him. lord jackson was a creep, to say the least. you were aware of the talk that goes around him. but your dear mother is still kept in the dark about these stories, and she decided to set you up with him without your prior knowledge. so by technicality, you really had no choice. “you can’t marry him.” the man in front of you suddenly says.
“i beg your pardon?” you asked, afraid that you misheard him the first time. “you... you can’t marry him.” he repeats and then he continues. “i mean, surely you have heard the news about him—his temper makes him vicious. your marriage with him wouldn’t prosper at all.” you held back the urge to scoff at him. “i appreciate your concern, my duke, but our society works in an unfair way at this age. i cannot just declare that i do not wish to marry, unlike you. that is a privilege that i cannot simply afford.” you shot back at him.
wriothesley suddenly feels like a light bulb in his head has switched on.
“we could pretend to form an attachment.” he then says. you were getting more baffled by the second this conversation held on longer. “whatever do you mean?” you weren’t stupid. but you refused to believe that what he’s hinting at is also the one you foolishly thought. “with you in my arm, people would think that i have finally found my duchess. as for you, your mother would raise her standards and find more suitable candidates for your hand in marriage. because although i could be wrong, but have you ever told your mother what traits you find in a man?” he replies, a small smile slowly tugging on his lips. he clearly enjoys this idea.
“i… i suppose not.” he got you there. “but this is an absurd idea.” you protested.
“i find it quite brilliant, if i do say so myself.”
“you do know the risks of what you’re proposing right now, am i correct?”
“i do. but you do not wish to marry me, and i do not wish to marry you, so whatever should you have to lose?” he’s insisting. he’s insisting like this plan would work perfectly fine for the both of your benefits (well, if you were to be completely honest, there is a chance for it to be successful. but you grew up to believe that you shouldn’t expect for things to go so smoothly in your life). “i…” a lost of words. that’s what you are. too many possibilities are running through your head at the moment.
however, the duke did have one hell of a good point.
“fine. you got yourself a deal.”
and that’s how you got roped into the situation you have now. with an arm interlocked with the duke meropide’s, all eyes were bound to set upon you both. wriothesley could see the amusement in neuvillette’s expression; the same goes for the hint of amusement in queen furina’s eyes as she spots them in the crowd. wriothesley slowly guides you towards the dance floor, just in time for another dance to begin. gracefully, you took his hand as you step onto the dance floor with him. a familiar song started to play, one that you remember memorizing as dance class was mandatory for being a debutante in society.
“are you bothered?” he then asks in a whisper as he twirls you around. “whatever for?” you ask him back. “the staring. i could feel all of them looking at us right now, honestly,” he chuckles lowly. “hm, i’m trying not to mind it that much. but i suppose you’re probably enjoying all of this attention now, aren’t you?” a simple tease on your part, and wriothesley smiled at that. “my, are we on casual terms now?”
“chemistry should be a major factor that we should have in this plan, yes? so we might as well start by being more casual with one another.”
“indeed. glad to know that you’re quick to pick up on things.” he says. “of course i am. what do you take me for, duke meropide?” you asked him, a slight pout forming on your lips. and wriothesley smiled at that again before replying. “nothing offensive, that i can assure you.”
“i’m delighted to know that the ever-so-famous duke of meropide doesn’t harbor any sour feelings towards me then.”
it was a bit suffocating, all of the staring. yet at the same time, you understood why they’re staring in the first place. wriothesley, the current duke of meropide, is suddenly on the dance floor with a young woman. and he seems to be quite interested in her as well. people would assume you’re the reason why the duke has rejected so many marriage offers up until now—because he already had you in the first place.
the other unwanted attention you’d get from that assumption alone was enough to make you distracted to the point where you almost stepped on wriothesley’s foot. “i—my apologies, duke.” you stammered. “it’s alright. just look at me,” he says. you scrunched your eyebrows at him in confusion. “pardon?”
“just look at me; don’t focus on anyone else. it will help ease your mind.”
with hesitance, you followed what he said and locked your eyes with his. the duke’s eyes were a fine shade of grey. a unique color, if you do say so yourself. and surely he was correct. shifting your focus and thoughts to him did ease you from all of the other eyes that are locked onto both of your figures that’s moving along with the music.
time felt like it had stopped, as it also felt like you were the only ones present in the room.
to wriothesley’s surprise, the night passed by faster when he was with you. because before he knew it, he was already accompanying you back to your carriage. a lot of things had happened in the span of just a few hours. but wriothesley does not regret a single second of it, now that he recalls everything again. he wonders why—was it because he encountered you in the garden tonight?
maybe. that’s where it all started anyway.
he quickly snapped out of his trail of thoughts as he heard you speak. “i suppose i’ll see you soon then?” you asked him. “mhm, i suppose so. safe travels, m’lady.” he bids you his farewell by gently grabbing ahold of your hand and pressing a soft kiss onto your knuckle, refusing to break his eye contact with you as the footman closed your carriage’s door.
“safe travels as well, my duke.”
— — — — — — — —
word spread fast about you and the duke of meropide. your mother was shocked at the news—yet happy that you finally became “independent on finding your match” as per her words. you had no specific agenda for the day, so, as you usually do whenever you are free, you decided to visit the modiste—where your good friend chiori resides.
the sound of the bell chiming as the door opened made chiori perk up to see who would possibly need help making a new dress. but when her eyes met yours, she just knew you weren’t here to ask for a new dress. “i heard about the commotion last night.” she says, setting down a cup of tea for you as she takes a sip from her own cup, waiting for your response. “commotion is a vulgar term for it, chiori. i prefer to call it a memorable event.”
“i suppose it’s memorable for you to enter with your arm wrapped around the duke meropide just like that. how did it even happen? i vividly recall you telling me that you had no intention of marriage.”
“it’s… a long story,” you sighed, taking a sip from your own cup of tea. “oh? are you implying that there’s more to this than meets the eye, then?”
“i guess you could say that.”
“well, then tell me all about it.”
“i… i can't. my apologies, chiori.” it's not like you didn't trust her. in fact, there are more secrets that are held within this fine modiste’s place than one could ever imagine. but it was a silent and automatic agreement between you and the duke that no one must know of your plan. (although you already hinted to chiori that there's more to it than meets the eye.) besides, chiori is a smart woman who has known you before she could even have her place built.
she doesn't need to be a genius to find out that there's something up. she'll pick up on it sooner or later.
“it's alright. there’s no need to feel pressure to tell me now, but do promise me one thing: you're not doing anything against the law, right?”
you couldn't help but burst out in laughter at her question. “chiori! do you take me as a criminal? of course, i’m not!” you replied, laughing in a fit of giggles in between your words. “thank goodness. well, how was i supposed to know? you almost never stop by so we rarely have the chance to catch up. every bit of news i hear from you is usually from the other ladies who sometimes talk about you.”
“don’t worry, my friend. i’ll stop by more often from now on, but seriously, are you still eavesdropping on your customers? i thought we were past that.”
“it isn't my fault some of them whisper way too loudly for my liking,” chiori scoffs.
as you two have a few more conversations, it is about time for you to take your leave, as the time has reached for the hour when chiori would usually have customers. “it was truly a pleasure to catch up with you, chiori.” you said as she escorted you to the door. “a pleasure indeed. do drop by more often, alright? it can get quite lonely here, you know.” a giggle leaves your lips at her response. “will do. i believe i might need a new dress soon for the upcoming firestone ball?” you say and you notice how chiori’s had some sort of sparkle at your mention of needing a new dress. she had always loved making dresses for you.
“is that so? i promise to suggest some designs that you might like once you return.”
— — — — — — — —
the fountain of lucine was a famous spot for a walk in the park type of day. every day, you’d see different individuals make their wish upon the fountain. whether that is a prosperous marriage, being blessed with a beloved child, or even gaining wealth, everyone wishes for all sorts of desires towards the fountain. but you never found yourself doing the same. it’s most probably because you've already been content with your life up until now. you never had any struggles when it came to growing up.
but again, that is up until now.
you took a step further towards the fountain, silently stating your wish and threw the coin into the fountain’s small pool of water. “penny for your wish?” you heard someone say beside you. quickly turning your head to the direction of the voice, you were surprised to see the duke there. “duke meropide! i—i didn’t expect that you were going to be here today.”
“i decided to go out for a stroll; the weather is quite nice today, is it not?”
“ah, yes, i suppose it is,” you replied, looking around. the weather was indeed nice today. perfect for a quick stroll around the area. “would you mind taking a stroll with me today? it would be a shame to waste this fine weather talking in the same spot.” he says, offering his arm for you to take. “i’d be delighted to.” your arm gets hooked on his.
“how are you faring lately? it has been quite a while since our last meeting,” wriothesley starts. he personally prefers his attempt at small talk today to his attempt at small talk the night he met you. it has been a few days since the ball held by the house of hearth. and within those few days, you haven’t spoken to the duke since. though, your house suddenly has suitors calling for you during your calling hour. all hopeful to gain your interest in them instead of the duke.
(however, you all shut them down politely. you found yourself repeating your apologies to the lords that have called upon you during those times.)
“i’ve been well. certainly, the stunt that we pulled during the ball held in the house of hearth did not go unnoticed. my social energy has been drained because of the suitors who called me.” a sigh leaves your lips. “oh? i apologize for that then. i hope that your social energy isn't at it’s lowest right now,” he chuckles. you gave him a playful glare at his remark. “are you making fun of my previous predicament, duke?”
“oh, heavens no. my apologies, did that offend you?” he says, holding back a smile at his words. he was definitely not apologetic. “you’re not that sorry for it, aren’t you?”
“perchance.”
“you cannot just say perchance!”
a laugh erupts from wriothesley at your response. it was the first time you heard him laugh like that. and in the public eye, you two would seem like a joyful couple spending some quality time walking around the fountain of lucine as a pastime. well, that was technically the goal. to show the public that you and the duke of meropide are madly in love with one another. what could possibly go wrong?
— — — — — — — —
by the time the firestone ball had taken place (which is nearly just a week after the ball from the house of hearth), you and the duke were on the dance floor once again.
“i believe we have yet to discuss our other terms and agreement for our plan, your grace.” you said, following his lead in the waltz. “ah, you’re right. well then, why don’t you start? ladies first.” he says. “i was hoping that you’d have some ideas on what terms we should have; after all, this was your idea, if i may remind you.”
you continue speaking as wriothesley continues to lead you through the dance. “i am starting to be convinced that this will be more than just a simple game of pretend just so we could fool the members of society, or my mother, or the women you have wanted to get away from every time you step foot in public. a life is at stake here, your grace, my life, and i just simply cannot have this go wrong. so if you are not in agreement with that, then you should tell me now.” the duke never broke his eye contact with you as you spoke.
“i shall agree… on one condition.”
“your grace, i believe that you do not understa—”
“you must call me wriothesley.”
there’s only one word to describe you at the moment: speechless. and wriothesley takes your silence as a chance to continue his words. “if we are truly to be courting, and if we are truly to prove that this is a match like no other, then you should call me by my name. after all, weren’t you the one who suggested that we should be more... casual with one another?”
he was right, and he had yet again another one hell of a good point. you mentally sighed, “very well then… wriothesley.” a laugh dares to escape your throat but this does not go unnoticed by the man who has his hand held in his at the moment. “is there something funny about my name?” he asks you, raising an eyebrow at your reaction. “no, no. it is a perfectly fine name. it is also quite unique, if i may add.” you replied, calming yourself down. laughing loudly while you’re in the middle of the dance floor would raise questions, after all.
“oh, perfectly fine? very well then… (name).” wriothesley’s voice seemed to have lowered itself an octave lower as he said your name with a slight rasp. your eyes looked away from his as you shifted your gaze to his collar instead. both of you went silent, yet you were still moving to the rhythm of the music.
wriothesley’s hand, that was supposedly at your waist, trailed upwards. just below the nape of your neck and also before your spine starts. your breath hitched at the contact of his cold finger tips there.
“i do hope that this plan will be successful.” you said, gaining your composure.
“have faith in us.”
— — — — — — — —
meetings with the duke of meropide became more frequent than you expected. whether that may be a coincidental meeting or a planned one—no one could really pinpoint it, much to their dismay.
it started off with a simple meal. then another walk. then an official invitation to accompany him to a ball or two. or three; in fact, he has invited you for a lot of them now. you haven’t thought much about the future as of late, always focusing on the present, where you’re definitely by wriothesley’s side. there was never a dull moment with the man. it was always entertaining to be with him. whenever another man (a man whose appeal is not to take interest in a sense) would approach you, wriothesley would pull some sort of stunt that’s connected to his “wild jealousy” of some sort. it’s a bit hard to hold back a laugh whenever this happens. there are times when he would talk to you about the other nobles present in the party and how he’s acquainted with them, and you’d admire the fact that he has many connections (something that a duke like him should have; he’s doing well in his duties, you’d note).
there are also times when you two will find yourselves alone, secluding yourselves from the crowd. these were, personally, your favorites. with the moonlight shining brightly upon you both once again, you’d always be reminded of the night you met. at these moments, this is when you and the duke would share… more personal things with one another. things that neither of you had expected to share with anyone else. like how he avoids marriage because of the huge responsibility that comes with it. or like how you doubt that others, especially men (minus the duke), would understand your struggles as a woman in this society.
wriothesley might have a lot of connections, but he was just the same as you. both of you kept your circle quite small (and by small, you both have only one person you truly trust to confide in). but even if you both wouldn’t admit it out loud, trust had also bloomed between the two of you.
(yet is trust the only thing that has actually bloomed?)
tonight, you found yourselves in yet another garden. “have you ever heard of why a flower wilts, wriothesley?” you decided to start this time. “hm? i suppose it’s because nothing good actually lasts long in life.”
“how… pessimistic of you to say.” you sweatdropped at his response. he chuckles yet again, you noticed that he always chuckles apologetically while looking away before he actually says his apologies. a habit of his, perhaps. “my apologies; i must repeat myself. the less a person sees of me, the happier their life is.”
“why so? i enjoy your company quite well.”
“oh? and are you sure those words aren’t forced because you’re stuck with me with this little ruse we have ongoing?” he asks back. these exchanges became frequent. one would ask a question, and the other would ask another in return. “i’m being quite honest, wriothesley. i really do enjoy your company quite well.”
“the feeling is likewise, (name).” there’s something satisfying about how your name rolls off of his tongue. he pronounces it the same as everyone else does yet how does it feel different when he says it? it’s baffling, that’s one thing for sure. “is it awful that i’m actually quite enjoying this?”
“you mean my wild jealousy?” he asks, playfully offended.
“fooling society.” you corrected. “there are some in the crowd who secretly know everything about everyone. yet we have them utterly convinced that we are mad for one another.”
“we are awfully clever then.” he says in amusement. “indeed we are.” you chuckled at his reply.
if there’s one thing you would always notice between the two of you, it would always be how you were glued to one another. like there’s some magnetic pull that automatically drags the other to their side.
this moment is no different because you could feel his knuckles grazing against yours ever so lightly. it starts with the hook of your pinkies, then slowly turns into you grabbing a hold of his other fingers. wriothesley could feel his heart beating fast at the contact. he glances at you, admiring your features underneath the moonlight once again. you glance at him as well. was he already this close to you when you started walking in this garden? because you swear your faces are inching even closer to each other. wriothesley’s other hand gently grabs your nape, guiding you as he gently pulls you in for a kiss.
his lips were soft against yours, something you didn’t expect from him. he kisses you like you were delicate (to which you were, delicate to him, at least), eyes closing themselves as he enjoys the sensation of your lips against his. you kiss him back in the same way, not really knowing what to do next—but you kiss him back. that’s all that matters. his lips leave yours as wriothesley latches his lips onto your neck, continuing the light kisses against it.
you let out a gasp at the contact as you lean your head back so you can give him more access. he intertwined his other hand with yours; it was quite scandalous. having a moment like this on someone else’s property. you extracted him from your neck, pulling him in for another kiss. this time it was a bit more rough—desperate, even.
well, that was until he pulled away from you abruptly. you looked at him in a daze yet you were confused. “we must return; we’ve been out long enough,” he says, letting go of your hand in the process as he fixes himself. he tries to catch his breath, processing what has just happened. did he really just kiss you? he supposes (or, in other terms, hopes) that it’s normal. ultimately, this should’ve been part of your agreement in the first place, right?
“i… you’re right. my mother could be looking for me any moment now.” what could possibly go wrong, you ask? well, apparently, many things could go wrong.
but if there’s one thing that got stitched into your mind tonight, it’s only one thing:
the duke of meropide is one good kisser.
however, what will become of your relationship now?
— — — — — — — —
you found yourself going to chiori again. the familiar sound of the bell chiming against the door notified chiori of someone entering her place. and once she saw you, she could just feel the distress radiating off of your body.
“what happened this time? i haven’t heard any good news about you two from last night’s party.” she says, pouring you a cup of tea. “good news? more like insane occurrences,” you sighed, watching the tea leave the teapot as it transfers onto your teacup. “ insane occurrences? what happened to ‘memorable event’?” she asked, confused with your choice of words.
you let out another sigh, finally revealing everything to chiori. luckily, today was her day off. with another ball just held last night, she would get at least a day or two of good rest before she opens up again. chiori takes in every detail of your story well, surprised that this is what you’ve been up to.
as soon as you were done talking, you decided to take a sip of your tea. “so you’re worried that you almost slept with the duke of meropide?” chiori states. and you choked on your drink once you heard her. “you didn’t have to word it like that! have some decency!” you exclaimed, embarrassment surging through you.
“i don’t get it, though. what are you so worried about? it’s almost as if… wait.” she pauses.
“it’s almost as if what, chiori?”
“do you love him?”
“huh? love who?”
“don’t play dumb with me, (name). do you or do you not love the duke of meropide?”
this time, it was your turn to pause. do you? well, certainly, he is nice company. and he treats you well despite neither of you having the wish to marry each other. he is also a good kisser (something that you don’t really feel like counting but it’s still a fact). recalling everything that has happened now, the only things that come into mind are the things you’ve noticed about wriothesley. how his eyes are the most remarkable shade of grey, his scar below his right eye. the feeling of the callouses on his hands as you held them on the dance floor.
it can’t be. there’s just no way. he’s a duke of all people—he’s out of your league in so many ways. he’s too far for you to reach. and besides, this is all just a game of pretend, is it not? surely that kiss would’ve meant nothing to him.
fuck.
“i do.” you replied to her in a whisper
“i’m glad that you’re not dense.” chiori says, flicking your forehead. you yelped in pain at the contact.
yes, you do love the duke of meropide.
and you stand by that.
meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, wriothesley had a crisis himself. “you’re quite lucky today, to ask for my presence while queen furina is occupied with duke arlecchino with her. so what assistance can i offer for you today, wriothesley?” neuvillette states, pulling his chair so he could take a seat before the man in front of him. wriothesley leans back on his seat, an elbow propped on top of the chair’s arm rest as his index finger is rested upon his lips.
wriothesley sighs. before spilling everything to neuvillette. his friend’s expression grew more amused as he continued on with the story, finding every detail unexpected for a man like his friend. “i see. so that’s how it is. well, let me ask you a simple question then, my friend.”
“shoot.”
“do you love her?”
wriothesley pauses. neuvillette’s questions echo repeatedly in his mind. do i love her? he then asks himself. he was not stupid. wriothesley did not need to become some sort of genius to find the answer to that question—because the answer is no. he doesn’t love you. yes, he has grown to trust you with things he would never even dare tell anyone else. but he’s scared. wriothesley is scared because he has never thought of commitment in this way before. romance was just a frivolous belief to him, after all. so surely, this would all just mean nothing.
he ponders about it for a few more moments. he’s too scarred—too damaged—to be loved by someone like you. he feels undeserving of it. he knows there’s another man out there who could be the man you want to be. someone who will make you happier than he does. someone who is willing to commit himself to you. someone who could love you with nothing holding him back.
“i don’t.” wriothesley firmly says.
no, wriothesley cannot be in love with you.
(neuvillette gives his friend a sigh as his friend takes his leave. he returns back to the room where queen furina is currently spending time with duke arlecchino. the duke had a habit of bringing the queen sweets from their travels abroad. the queen has excitement written all over her eyes as she makes eye contact with the pastries set in front of her.)
— — — — — — — —
it wasn’t hard to put two and two together to realize that wriothesley has been avoiding you.
it has been a few months since you decided to start your ruse. although he still accompanies you, once it’s quite crowded, he will deliberately avoid your presence like a plague, and you have no idea why. you first thought that may be he was just feeling unwell but it has occurred more frequent now and it just stings, really. it stings because you thought that you two had formed quite the bond over the past few months.
“wriothesley, is something wrong? you know you could always talk to me, right?” you asked him, finally cornering him as he had successfully avoided you for the past two hours ever since the party started. “it’s nothing of your concern,” was all he said before leaving you again. but that answer wasn’t enough—hell, it wasn’t even a proper answer for you. so you decided to follow him.
“where are you going?” you asked him. speeding your pace up to catch up to him. wriothesley doesn’t answer and just continues on walking. he ends up going into a secluded room, not even bothering to close the door. you followed him in and shut the door behind you as you faced him. he had his back facing you as you heard him take a deep breath. “wriothesley, what’s wrong? and don’t even dare say that it’s none of my concern because it is.”
wriothesley could feel himself going mad. he can’t do this tonight. what even caused him to behave this way?
ah, he remembers. it was that unbearable sight of you interacting with marquess lyney. he should’ve been happy that you finally seem interested in someone else because all you two have to do now is plan how you should end things. but that thought made wriothesley realize two things. one, he cannot bear the sight of you with another man (but why? it’s not like you’re actually his in the first place). and two, he doesn’t want things to end between the both of you. whether it's a ruse that feels too real for his own liking or whatnot, he doesn’t want to lose you in his life.
he loosens the buttons on his top so that he can breathe more properly. you got closer to him, but only if you knew that was a dangerous move on your part. you grabbed his arm in hopes of getting a view of wriothesley’s expression at the moment.
he then faces you, his eyes searching for something in yours but you just can’t find out what. it was silent; neither of you dared to speak a word. and wriothesley finds himself pulling you for a kiss. it was a bit rough how his lips crashed against yours. he then pulls away, his eyes widening at what he just did. “i… my most sincere apologies.”
and he leaves. just like that.
the familiar door to the modiste is presented at you as you knocked. it was late at night. the party you attended earlier with wriothesley was long over. but you knew your dear friend would still be up even at this late hour.
“(name)? what brings you here at this hour?” chiori asks, opening the door wider so you could enter.
“i need a goddamn drink.” you said.
— — — — — — — —
“so you’re telling me that he just… kissed you again, and then he left the party? just like that?” chiori repeats. you take another shot of the alcohol chiori provided for the both of you. “hey, calm down. this one is actually pretty strong, you idiot.” chiori warns you.
you lean back, slamming the shot glass against the table. “just like that, chiori. like what is wrong with him? is he perhaps sick in the head?”
“i honestly don’t know if i should be at least grateful that he apologized.” she says, taking a shot as well. you glare at her remark and she raises her hands in return. you sighed this time, “are men always this… complicated?”
“hm, i don’t think so. maybe it’s just the duke.”
“you’re not helping!”
“you never said you wanted help in the first place.”
— — — — — — — —
seven days.
seven days since you last spoke to wriothesley. seven days since you last heard of him. it has been seven days yet he hasn’t made any attempts to contact you since.
just what was up with him? he was fine before. did you do something wrong? did you accidentally say something that was offensive to him? everything has changed now. wriothesley is treating you like he treated you before he actually met you—cold.
your mother has decided to throw a ball this time—something about her not wanting to fall behind the other mothers. you complied, having to accept that society is nothing but competition against one another. and on the day of the ball, you found yourself lonely. if only chiori wasn’t busy with her other orders, then maybe this night would’ve been more entertaining.
wriothesley has yet to make his appearance (or perhaps he is already here yet he has decided to avoid you again). but you have decided on one thing tonight: you will talk things out with that stubborn man no matter what it takes. because you cannot just bear to stand idly by when wriothesley could be struggling alone. you once heard from your mother that love makes you do the craziest things and tonight was the night you realized that she was right. but isn’t it worth it if it’s all in the name of love?
the outdoor area of your home was also used for the ball, and decorations are displayed here and there to make the area look more eyecatching. to your family’s dismay, it has begun to rain. making all of the guests head inside to continue the festivities. but as you made your way to follow the crowd, you spotted someone too familiar—it was the man you’ve been looking for all evening, wriothesley.
looking around his surroundings, wriothesley spots you getting drenched in the rain. his eyes widen as he quickly makes his way towards you, removing his coat to drape it over you instead. “are you insane? you’re getting drenched!” he exclaims in worry. you scoff in return, pushing yourself away from his coat and allowing yourself to get wet by the rain.
“am i insane? i should be the one asking you that!” you said, glaring at him. “how… how could you? do you know how worried i have been because of you? you avoided me, then kissed me, then avoided me even more! i had no idea if you were okay because you didn’t even dare speak with me while i was here stuck waiting for you. why? because i didn’t want to pressure you into telling me what’s wrong!”
wriothesley is at a loss for words at your outburst. he just stares at you in return, guilt written all over him. he deserved your anger. but he didn’t mean for things to go this far, yet he also didn’t know how to handle things. you continued speaking, “wriothesley, i have no idea what’s clouding over your heart but i do know one thing: you musn’t keep it to yourself.”
“(name)...” he softly says—hesitantly, even. like he’s scared to even say your name in the first place. you take a step forward, both of your hands reaching out to hold his face. your touch was gentle on his skin, making sure you weren't making him uncomfortable. “tell me what’s wrong, wriothesley. i’ll listen.”
and tell you, he does. he voice shakes at first yet he begins to steady it as he unravels to you everything that has been bothering him up until now. his jealousy, his inner turmoil, and his insecurities. and you listen to him, understanding every word that escapes his lips as your hand never leaves his face, your fingers gently brushing over his scar below his right eye. and once he’s finished, you choose your next words carefully.
“there’s something that i realized in life that i believe you should know. just because something is not perfect does not make it any less worthy of love. you made yourself believe otherwise. you made yourself believe that you had to be without fault just so you could be loved but you’re wrong, wriothesley. should you need any proof of the matter, then look just here.” you weakly laugh at the last sentence, and wriothesley just stares at you. you couldn’t find out what’s going on in his head but you know that he’s listening.
your voice shakes as you continue. “i am tired of this sick game of pretending. i am tired of pretending—of acting as if i do not love you, because i do. i love you more than you could ever imagine. every scar, every flaw, every imperfection—i love all of you. you may think you’re too damaged or too scarred to allow yourself of happiness but you can choose differently, wriothesley. you can choose to love me as much as i love you. that should not be up to anyone else—that cannot be up to anyone else.”
“it can only be up to you.”
he was still silent as you slowly let go of his face but wriothesley was quick to catch them. he grabs ahold of your hands, and with his slight shaking, he takes a deep breath. he realizes something when you profess your love for him. he puts two things together: commitment and you. and the conclusion he draws from that is that he doesn’t mind commitment, as long as he’s committing himself to you. that’s how much of an impact you have on him. yes, he’s scared. and yes, this might not go like he hopes it will. but that doesn’t matter to him because he knows it will all be worth it for you. wriothesley is a coward when it comes to love and the like—that, he admits. but he isn’t allowing himself to be a coward for the rest of his life. why deprive himself of the serene type of happiness that he could only achieve when he has you by his side?
he kept his eyes on the hands he’s holding now as he began to speak. “i.. i do not wish to be alone. i know that now. but what i do not know is how to be the man you wish for me to be—the man you truly deserve. i do not know how to do any of this, but i do know another thing: i love you too. i love you. most ardently.” he then meets your eyes as he notices one thing in them. love.
“you stay. you stay and we’ll get through this. together. that’s where we’ll start. we have all the time in the world.”
“may i… kiss you?” he hesitates to ask. but you give him a nod of approval before you’re met with the familiar pleasure of his lips on yours. he relishes every second of the kiss, taking this as a chance to ground himself into reality—refusing to believe that this is some sick dream that his mind decided to play in his head. a hand slithers its way to the nape of his neck and wriothesley groans at the feeling as his hand grabs your waist tighter. wriothesley thanked his lucky stars for the night he met you because this wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for them.
love at first sight was a frivolous belief for a man like wriothesley.
but he knew otherwise the moment he laid his eyes upon you that night in the garden.
#( writings )#astronetwrk#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#genshin imagines#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley#x reader
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