#i laid down with an ice pack and ended up passing out and luckily felt better afterward (though was really stiff esp in my shoulders)

[rouge-the-bat]

ever get a headache that just fucks up ur whole day

[fific7]

Ticket to Ride - Part 6

Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: Inspired by The Beatles song of the same name. This takes place in my S1 Punisher AU with Arrogant!Billy in attendance, in which he gets a taste of his own medicine. Here we are at the final part!

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, including oral and unprotected, between consenting adults* in some chapters. Drinking and swearing.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My photo edit and my photos of Murano & Burano)

𝕄𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖

𝕄𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖

𝕄𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖

{…𝕠𝕣 𝕕𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕤𝕙𝕖?}

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy awoke early the next morning, reaching over to his phone on the bedside table and tapping the screen to see what time it was. Seven. Plenty of time to have a shower and make his way down to the breakfast room.

Standing under the stream of hot water, he couldn’t help feeling apprehensive. What if she had done another runner? He wouldn’t be able to cope with that. He didn’t think she would have, but…. he just wasn’t 100% sure what she was thinking or feeling right now.

After his full disclosure of what he’d got up to with Madani followed swiftly by his confession of love last night, he felt more optimistic but he could tell she was still conflicted.

He’d just have to do whatever he could today to persuade her to give him another chance.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Making your way into the light and airy breakfast room at just after eight, you couldn’t deny you were pleased to see Billy, sitting up super straight like a well-behaved schoolboy, already at a table.

His face broke into a huge smile when he spotted you, and you could see a large measure of relief wrapped up in it. You knew he would’ve been wondering if you had run out on him again. But no, you’d decided overnight to at least see how things went today on your trip to the Lagoon Islands.

He’d thrown you a curveball by telling you he loved you last night, and while you were relieved to hear that he hadn’t slept with that woman (his anger when you’d pushed him on it had finally convinced you that he hadn’t), you still weren’t exactly happy with what he had admitted to doing. It was still cheating in your book.

Could you ever really trust him again?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy fussed over her like a mother hen when she sat down across from him at the table, jumping up and rushing over to the buffet table, picking out a selection of toast, focaccia, butter, jams and Nutella for her along with a couple of mini pain au chocolat croissants. They were her favourites so he felt quite proud of himself as he laid the plate before her like the spoils of war, before making his way to the coffee machine and creating a cappuccino for her.

“Thank you, Billy - you’re spoiling me,” she said with a small grin. “Your every wish is my command, Princess,” he smiled back, hand covering hers and stroking gently. Now she started properly laughing at him, and he huffed, slightly offended. Once she’d calmed down a bit she said, “Honestly Billy, you don’t have to wait on me hand and foot. All I need from you is complete honesty.” Billy tried to look as convincing as he possibly could, “I will be, sweetheart, I promise.”

She took a sip of her cappuccino, and fixed him with an intense stare. “Bearing that in mind, Billy, just what exactly was going through your mind when you were making out with Madani?”

Billy blew out a big breath; he hadn’t seen that coming. “Well… uhh… nothin’ really. I was just doing somethin’ I had to do, and needed to get it over with as quick as possible.” Another sip of coffee, another intense look from her. “Uh-huh. So you didn’t enjoy it then? Is that what you’re saying?”

Billy suddenly felt like he was back on very thin ice. He could feel himself squirming in his seat, and fought to keep still. Madani was, in all truth, a pretty woman.

Fuck.

What should he say in reply to that?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your eyes were drilling into Billy’s, and he looked about as comfortable as someone who’d just found out he’d got a scorpion down his trousers.

His face flushed pink, so you could guess what that meant. He cleared his throat, and then said in a low voice, “Look, she’s not bad lookin’ so it wasn’t as uncomfortable as it could’ve been.”

You smirked, not ready to let him off the hook yet, “So you were attracted to her, then. Not sure I’m happy to hear that, Billy.”

“NO! No, I wasn’t. Well.. like I said, she’s not unattractive but I’m not interested in her.”

You picked up your knife and aggressively sliced right through one of croissants. The look on Billy’s face was priceless. No doubt he’d guessed that the croissant was a surrogate for a certain part of his anatomy.

“Sweetheart, they weren’t long or involved kisses… not real ones, not like between you an’ me,” he said in a worried tone, very unlike his usual assertive manner. “Sweetheart, you’re the one I’m in love with. The only one I want to be with.” He was gazing earnestly at you, hand covering yours.

You cut off another piece of croissant and popped it into your mouth.

Billy would have to work a hell of a lot harder than that today if he was going to get you back, you thought.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Once the vaporetto had moored alongside the jetty you walked on board the boat up the ramp in front of Billy, while the disembarking passengers walked down the other side of it as it swayed from side to side, the boat moving in its own wake. The crew member who’d expertly tied up the boat a few moments ago was still calling out “Palanca, Palanca” as you headed through the covered section to the open area right at the back, sitting down on the bench seat in the stern and turning your face up to the sun.

Billy sat next to you, scooting as close to you as he could, suddenly lunging in for a hungry kiss. Two mothers with children in tow emerged through the doors leading from the salon, and you pushed him away while hastily smiling at the newcomers, saying, “Giorno” to them. Both of them smiled at you, returning your greeting, but then their eyes slid over to Billy and you saw both sets widening as they looked him over. You sighed. Having a hot boyfriend sucked sometimes. And Billy was looking particularly hot today in leather jacket, white t-shirt, black jeans and combat boots.

However, you noticed that Billy’s eyes were glued to you, still gazing at you ever since you’d fended him off. You didn’t think he’d even glanced at the other two women.

OK, Russo - one point on the plus side to you, you conceded.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy was paying full attention to his girl. He felt slightly triumphant that he’d managed to steal a kiss, and she’d only shoved him away when he’d vaguely heard the salon doors opening behind him.

He was so worried that she still hadn’t made her mind up whether to take him back or not, and he knew that today was his final chance to convince her to do so. Whatever was in his power to do, he’d do, to make that happen. And he wasn’t dumb, that meant not paying any attention whatsoever to any other females in the vicinity. He’d guessed that a couple of women had arrived along with the kids he could hear squealing and laughing just out of his sight line, so he made sure he kept his eyes trained solely on her.

Her lips curved upwards in a small smile as she looked back at him.

Pleased, he thought - ha, think I just scored a point there.

He wondered how many more of those he needed to rack up to finally win his woman back.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

There were no direct vaporetti lines to the Lagoon Islands so you had to firstly go to Fondamente Nove, which was a busy hub for several of the numerous lines. You wanted to visit two of the main islands; Murano - where Venetians had made their famed glass items for centuries - and Burano, an island of fishermen and lacemakers. You were really excited to go there, as the houses were painted in a rainbow of colours. Legend had it that this was so the returning fishermen could spot their own individual houses as they returned home across the lagoon.

You needed to find the ferry stop for Line 12, which luckily Billy spotted just as the two of you were about to walk right past it. There was a vaporetto arriving just as you did and swiping your travel passes, you went aboard and took seats in the salon. This ferry was a slightly different type to the others you’d been on, longer and lower and was soon packed with locals and tourists alike.

It took a little while to arrive at Murano, alighting at the Faro stop. They still produced glassware on Murano but nothing like as much as they had in the past. You and Billy wandered alongside one of the main canals, looking into the windows of all the little glass shops until you came to the entrance of one of the big glass foundries.

They offered tours of the workshop and of course also had a shop, so the two of you paid for the tour and watched in amazement as an old man took a fiery red and yellow blob onto the end of a pole, and blew and turned it until it started to take on the shape of a little vase.

In the store, you browsed along the shelves looking at all the glassware on display, until you suddenly noticed you were alone. Glancing around, you spotted a dark head over in the corner at the cash desk and were heading over there when Billy turned round. His trademark smirk appeared and he hurriedly picked up the little paper carrier bag which was on the counter by its handles and strode towards you.

“See anything you like, sweetheart?”

Smirk getting wider. You eye-rolled and grabbed his arm, noting at the same time that the female sales assistant was still gawping at Billy, even though he now had his back to her. You tugged him towards the door, asking, “What’ve you just bought?” as you went. He shook his head, “Can’t say. It’s a surprise.” You glared at him, “Billy….” but he just kept grinning as you left the store and wouldn’t say anything, even though you nipped at his wrist just below his leather jacket sleeve with your nails.

“Wanna get a coffee?” he suggested, as you resumed your canalside stroll. “Yeah, okay,” you replied, stopping next to the outdoor tables of a small caffé and sitting down, Billy joining you. He slid his hand over yours, “M’glad we’ve got this time together today, sweetheart. Wanna make you understand just how much you mean to me.”

You nodded in acknowledgment before waving at the waiter and ordering two double macchiatos. You carried on, “The main problem I have, Billy, is how I’m ever going to trust you again? You might not think you cheated, but that’s what it is in my book.”

Billy looked over at you, eyes wide, sad …and scared.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy had then looked up and thanked the waiter as the coffees were placed in front of you both. He really didn’t know what to say, to be honest. He knew Frank - and no doubt Karen - also thought that it had counted as cheating. But he truly hadn’t. Well…. Cheating Lite, as he’d already designated it in his head. But not proper, down-and-dirty, long-term cheating. It had been a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. He just hadn’t considered the bigger picture. At all. And that had been a big mistake.

He took a sip of his coffee, and cleared his throat before spilling out what had just gone through his head. “Y’know I’m not exactly an expert at relationships, angel. In fact, I’m sure you’ll agree I’m totally shit at them. I need you to keep me on the straight and narrow. Tell me how things need to be. Please don’t give up on us, don’t leave me… please.” Billy was completely and utterly pouring out his heart to her, and he prayed she could see that.

His girl looked at him, some anger and hurt still in her eyes but she managed a shaky breath and looked down into the depths of her coffee cup for a few moments.

Billy held his breath.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your eyes met his again, “But how am I going to trust you again, Billy, tell me that? Every time you say you’re working late, how d’you expect me not to think you’re meeting up with her or someone else?”

Now it was Billy’s turn to look down. The silence stretched out to a few minutes, and you did nothing to break it. Eventually he looked up at you again, “M’tryin’ to think of how I can prove to you that I’ll never, ever, do something like that again - whether it’s work-related or not.”

He reached across and slid his long fingers between yours, holding onto your hand so tightly it felt like he’d never let go.

“Firstly, I give you my word as an ex-Marine that I won’t ever pull a stunt like this again. Secondly, I’ll be the most attentive boyfriend you’ve ever had. In and out of the sack.” You tried to hide a smile, but you knew he’d seen it. “Thirdly, I’ll put a tracker on my phone, and I’ll hack you into my messagin’ and email apps so you’ll have absolute access to my location and comms.” He was smirking back at you by now, he felt this was going pretty well.

“But you’ve got access to burner phones, Billy.”

His smile dimmed, while his brain scrambled to come up with a solution to this inconvenient fact. You saw his eyes light up and the smirk returned, “Easy. I’ll put Frank in sole charge of issuing them and I’ll tell him not to give me any unless it’s absolutely necessary for an op.”

“Could just buy them in Walmart’s,” you dropped into the slight pause after he’d finished speaking. His face fell again, and now you burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, Billy - I get the message. I see that you’re doing your best to be honest and transparent. There’s no need for you to put all that tracking and hacking in place.”

Billy beamed at you.

“I’ll just get Micro to track your ass.”

His mouth dropped open as you spoke.

“And monitor all your calls and texts.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Woah! thought Billy, didn’t think she’d be getting King Nerd involved. That was probably Karen’s idea. Gee, thanks Karen. But he would agree, what else could he do? And he’d offered to track himself, so it didn’t really matter in any case, did it?

“Uhhh…” he stuttered, “….uhh yeah, whatever you like, sweetheart.”

She smiled over at him, a genuine smile. “It’s OK, Billy. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She side-eyed him, “Unless you give me good cause. Like… coming home stinking of another woman’s perfume ever again.”

His hand went over his heart, and he put on his best puppydog eyes. “Angel, I swear on my life - never. Never. Ever. Again.”

She nodded. “Okay, Billy, I’ll take that as you being on oath now, just like when you joined the Marines.” His eyes widened and he nodded fast. “Yeah. I am. I’m on oath.”

He watched as she drained the very last few drops of her coffee. “Okay, Russo! Let’s go,” she said standing up and picking up her bag.

“Yes, ma’am!” He jumped up and saluted, taking his place at her side as they retraced their steps to the Faro stop and their next vaporetto.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d hopped onto the next Line 12 ferry which arrived, and recommenced your onwards journey to Burano. Sitting inside the salon again, the loud chatter around you from the mostly local passengers almost drowned out any conversation you and Billy tried to have. He finally leaned right up against you, snaking his arm round your waist, his lips against your ear.

“Got you a little somethin’, sweetheart.” He handed you the gift bag.

Opening it, you saw a mass of tissue paper inside the bag and took it out. “Careful!” he warned, so you slowly opened up the paper and saw a delicate rose pink heart trinket box sitting at its centre. You lifted its little lid up and then replaced it, delighted with it. Smiling at Billy, you said, “I love it!” into his ear and kissed his cheek. His lips returned to your ear, “See? You have my heart.”

Now you rolled your eyes heavenwards, “I’d stop there if I were you, Russo. Cheesy really doesn’t suit you!” He burst out laughing. “Hey! Give a guy a break. He’s over here layin’ his heart and soul right out in front of you.”

You leant in and kissed him on the lips, before pulling back and saying, “And don’t read too much into that!” But Billy was already grinning happily back at you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy was happy. His steps were light as he walked beside her from the vaporetto stop along a small street, lined with stalls and shops selling souvenirs and lacework, which eventually led to a square.

She loved the trinket box! he thought, very pleased with himself. The minute he’d seen it he knew that she would, and had decided to buy it on the spot. While he didn’t want her to think he was trying to buy her back, he’d just wanted to make some gesture to show her that he treasured her, the same way she’d treasure the little things she put in it.

He blurted all of this out to her as they strolled along. She stopped walking and looked at him, amazed, “Billy Russo! I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He felt shy suddenly, and he could feel his face heating up. What was happening to him? Is this what love did to you? He didn’t hate it. “It’s how I feel,” he mumbled, looking away from her. He felt her hand on his cheek, “Well, keep that up and maybe, just maybe…”

She turned and started walking again, and Billy hurried to catch up with her. I won’t push it, he thought, I’ll just leave it be while I’m on a winning streak.

There was another street leading off the square which was full of trattorias and caffés, and they chose one of the restaurants to sit outside, the tables rapidly filling as more people from the vaporetto stop arrived.

She’s definitely looking at me more kindly, he thought. Things might just be okay after all.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After a delicious lunch of pasta and several glasses of wine, you and Billy started exploring the little canals and streets with their cute colourful houses. They looked so bright and beautiful in the sunlight, and you imagined the fishermen back in the day sailing home and being able to see their own little house from afar.

You reached the waterside, beside a quiet little square with houses all around it and some grass in the middle, clothes on washing lines strung across it, blowing in the breeze. There was no-one else around and suddenly you found yourself pressed up against the wall of one of the houses, Billy’s long fingers on the nape of your neck, his hand on your waist. His dark chocolate eyes were gazing into yours, a soft look in them. But you could also feel something a lot harder pressing into your hip, and you saw desire spark in his eyes.

His mouth was on yours and he kissed you, the sudden passion of which took you by surprise. He pulled back, his forehead touching yours. “I’ve missed your touch so much,” he whispered, “…every minute of every day since you.. since you left me.” You laid your hand on his chest, “I missed you too, Billy - even if I did hate you at the time.” He chuckled, “Do you still hate me?” You looked into those beautiful eyes, “No, I guess I don’t. Although you’re still walking a line, Billy.”

He nodded, “I know. I do know. But promise me you’ll give me another chance?” You smiled at him, pushing yourself away from the wall and him, “Let’s see, shall we?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy tapped on her hotel room door, and gave her a devilish grin as she opened it. He’d made sure to wear a white tank and a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms. He knew she liked him in those.

She was already in her sleepwear - an oversized Anvil T which she’d stolen from him ages ago - and leant against her door, looking back at him, amused. “Why Billy, whatever brings you here?”

He just kept grinning at her and also leant against her doorframe. As if she didn’t know, he thought. She’d had to spend the entire journey back from Burano fending off his hands and mouth.

“Just checkin’ you’re OK, sweetheart. See if there’s anything you need.”

She laughed. “And what could I possibly need, Billy?”

He angled his body so that she couldn’t fail to get a great view of his toned torso and more importantly, the very obvious outline of his erection showing in his joggers. If there was one thing Billy had complete confidence in, it was the effect his body had on women.

“I can think of one or two things, sweetheart.”

He was ecstatic when her hand reached out and grabbed him round the back of his neck, pulling him into her room. “Uhuh… maybe you should show me what those are.”

Billy’s grin got twice as wide.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You gave a huge sigh as Billy pushed inside you, hearing an answering one from him and you ran your hands up into his lush hair. You couldn’t deny it, you had missed him. And his enthusiastic lovemaking.

However you were a little taken aback when he began moving slowly and sensually on you, instead of his usual frenetic pace. He was stroking your hair, placing little kisses all over your face and neck, running his hands over your body, whispering “I love you, love you so much” between his languid thrusts. He slid a hand down and massaged your clit, so well that you climaxed within a few short moments. Not long afterwards, you heard him gasp and he released into you, with a long groan.

The two of you lay in silence, side by side but still entwined. Then Billy leant across and kissed you, softly, slowly, with passion. “I can’t be without you, angel.” The puppydog eyes were out in force again as he gazed at you, “Please. Gimme another chance. I’ll be a better boyfriend, a million times better.”

You continued to look back at him, then gave a quick nod, “Okay. Yes, okay Billy. But one… just one transgression…” His hands went up in supplication, “Understood! Not one transgression will be made.”

“And you make sure to tell that thirsty bitch back in New York that her little dates with you won’t be happening anymore.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“Already done.”

He saw her eyebrows rise.

Oh. Oh, she thinks that means I’ve been in touch with her.

“No, sweetheart…. Frankie took care of that for me while I’ve been away.”

She smirked, “Pleased to hear it.”

Billy let out a sigh of relief, he was going to have to be so careful over the next few months. He’d only just got her back! He couldn’t let a stupid, chance remark or two ruin it. He ran his hand over her hair again. “I’m so happy, y’know? M’never going to take you for granted again.” He saw her smile widen in the darkness of the room.

“But, sweetheart, you gotta promise me something too.” She looked at him, puzzled, amused, “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. No more runnin’ out on me and flyin’ halfway round the world.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23 @omgrachwrites @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry @odetostep @supernaturalcat7 @obscurilicious @strawb3rrydr3ss @bruxa0007 @aleksanderwh0r3 @theshadowkingsqueen @bat-luna-cat @carlywhomever

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[deploythegayrrison]

Relief | Kirishima Eijirou x Reader (self indulgent fluff)

Here is my submission for the BNHArem server collab. This month we were challenged to take a break and spend time with our favourite BNHA character(s).

Look at the BNHArem SnapShot masterlist [here] to see everyone’s wonderful submissions!

❤️ Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

❤️ Word Count: 1,487

❤️ Warnings: Talk about chronic pain/illness, very slight angst, self-doubt, doubting partner

❤️ Kirishima is aged-up and a pro-hero in this fic

Reader is having a bad pain day and Kirishima takes care of them like the wonderful boyfriend he is.

-

“Hey babe, I’m home” you hear Kirishima call from the front door of your apartment. The two of you had been living together for a few months now, and you had no complaints on your end. He was the perfect boyfriend and the perfect housemate. The only thing you found difficult was that after so long of living alone, you had gotten used to being able to hide away on particularly bad pain days without worrying about making anyone else, well, worry. Luckily you hadn’t had many really bad days since living together so hiding it was pretty easy.

Kirishima knew about your chronic pain, and he never made you feel ashamed of your needing to be extra careful with yourself; and he was always particularly gentle with you anyways too. You had known that the day would come where he would see you curled in on yourself, face covered in dried tears, and staring at the wall in the dark confines of your shared room, but you had hoped to have been able to avoid it for a bit longer.  You knew that there was no way he would judge you for your ragged appearance, and he certainly wouldn’t think you were weak, but you were embarrassed all the same. So you said nothing and hoped he would assume you were napping and pass the bedroom by.

“Babe? What are you doing just laying in the dark?” His voice is soft as he walks in and kneels beside you on the bed. Ah. No such luck.

You glance into his eyes and are met with worry. You think about outright lying; telling him that you’d just laid down to have a nap since it was your day off. You opted to just say “I’m just feeling a bit off today, Kiri, nothing to worry about” with a forced smile. His face showed that he knew there was more to it than that but didn’t want to pry. It was when he placed a hand on your arm with a little too much force causing you to wince that it clicked what was wrong.

“Oh babe I’m sorry! It’s a bad pain day, isn’t it?” He asks with concern in his voice and you nod into your pillow; face hot with shame at him seeing you like this.

He hummed softly, noticing you were still in pyjamas from last night meaning you likely hadn’t been out of bed much if at all. It didn’t even look like you’d changed positions since he’d left for work that morning. You felt the bed shift as he stood up and made his way out of the bedroom without a word. Tears pin pricked at your eyes; was he ashamed of you for having stayed in bed all day? Was he mad that you hadn’t been up to wash the plates from last nights dinner that you’d both agreed could wait until the next day since you had both been exhausted? Did he think you were weak? On another day you would have shot those thoughts down before they even surfaced; Kirishima was the last person you could imagine thinking those things. You’d never felt more loved and appreciated in your life than you did with him. But right now your mind was so tired from trying to drown out the constant throbbing pain and ignore the sharp feel of lightening jolting through your neck when you least expect it to be able to squash what you knew were unreasonable thoughts.

Just as you were about to spiral into a whirlwind of what-if’s you hear the steady thud of Kirishimas feet padding back into the room, sounding slightly unbalanced. When you glance up you see him smiling down at you, arms filled with barely balanced armful of heating pads,a soft ice pack,  a glass of water in one han, his pinky and ring finger curled in on what you assumed was painkillers of some sort. The other hand was holding a bowl of soup, and two jello cups were nestled in the crook of hos elbow. He looked, frankly, comical, trying to juggle so many things on his own. It really did look like he was about to drop something, but as soon as you moved to get up and help him he immediately insisted that you stay put. Bending down slowly, he managed to place the soup, water, and jello cups on the bedside table before placing down the ice pack and heating pads on the edge of the bed. You couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle.

“Babe… What is all of this?” You ask and he grins widely.

“Well, I figured you hadn’t been able to eat today and you so you probably haven’t had any painkillers or water either. But I didn’t know if you wanted more of a meal or just a snack so I brought both. I also didn’t know if you would prefer heating pads or ice packs, so I also just brought both of those too! Now let’s get you sat up so I can take care of you.” He put his arm behind your back for support as you slowly made your way into a seated position.You open your mouth to talk but he’s got painkillers and water in your hands before you have a chance; ushering you to take them.You do and then reach over to grab the bowl of soup. He was right, you hadn’t eaten today, and while you hadn’t realized before now, you really were hungry. Kirishima beamed as you took slow spoonfuls into your mouth, blowing on each bite. Beside you he starts to plug in the heating pad for you, but your voice stops him.

“Actually, Kiri… the heating pad sounds nice and all, but maybe you could just lay with me instead?” He was basically a blast furnace himself and nothing sounded more comforting to you than his warm embrace. Pausing from his kneeling position, he looked up at you and blinked confusedly for a moment before his face lit up and he pushed all of the hot and cold pads off of the bed.

“Of course I can, babe! You finish up that soup and I’ll get into my pyjamas too.”

You watch him quickly shed his hero uniform until he’s down to his briefs, admiring his toned back littered with scars from years of hero work. He is so handsome, you think as you swallow the last spoonful of soup and place the bowl beside you next to the jello containers. The bed dips as Kirishima crawls in beside you. He lays on his side, arms open and welcoming—waiting for you to crawl into them. And you do. You slowly slot yourself into his arms,face buried in his chest and one arm wrapped around his torso to pull him as close to you as possible. Being surrounded by his warmth instantly made your body go limp, your muscles finally giving you a moment of peace. Of course the pain killers and food probably contributed to the slow dulling of pain, but your boyfriends embrace felt the most soothing of all. A stray tear made its way out of your eye and you snuggled your face further into his chest, hoping he wouldn’t notice, but you feel his grip tighten slightly and he runs his fingers through your hair.

“Hey, Kiri…”

“Hmm?” You feel him hum in response.

“Thank you for everything… I love you so much.”

He presses a kiss into your head and replies “I love you more.”

You felt so blessed, and a little ashamed that you had doubted him earlier. The love you felt for him was more than you could put into words. He really was the perfect boyfriend.

[marwritesgood]

Different | O. Diaz

Pairing: Oscar x Martinez!Reader

Timeframe: Early Season One

Summary: Oscar is released from prison with a new attitude towards Y/n.

masterlist

A/N: I cried whilst writing the ending. This fic will have two more parts following it, so watch this space x

Oscar and I had been friends for as long as we both knew. We were the same age and, as a result of growing up in the same block, we stuck by each other throughout our years in school. Even when he became a Santos, he always made time to hang out with me when I needed.

So, when I heard through the grapevine that he was put on a risky job, I thought I would take the initiative this time. I could tell something was deeply bothering him, and so when I finally figured out why, I made some tamales and headed over to his place.

“Y/n?” He was surprised to see me standing at his door at around sunset. I made a point not to call him and let him know I was heading over. I knew he would try to convince me he was fine, even though we both knew he wasn’t.

“I brought tamales,” I smiled, holding up my tin-foiled plate as a peace offering. 

Ever since Oscar started tapping into his cooking abilities, tamales became the dish we used for comfort. He first made some for me when I got rejected from my dream college, and from there it became our inside joke. 

I looked up at Oscar who was struggling to keep a straight face. I smiled at him, knowing he was grateful I showed up, though he would never admit it. He turned his head to the side and moved his jaw, trying to suppress his emotion.

“... Hurry up then,” he muttered, finally smiling as he held the door open while I walked in. 

I made my way to the small table that sat near the kitchen, while Oscar sat down. He watched me intently as I placed my plate on the table and pulled out two bottles of soda from my bag. Oscar was never the type to turn down a drink, but the night before a job he liked to go to bed so sober so he could wake up without a hangover. 

“Who told you?” He had already figured out I was visiting him to talk about the job he had to do. Whenever he was silent, that was always what he was doing- piecing things together. I sighed.

“Cesar just told me you were gonna be gone for a while,” I explained as I took the tinfoil off my plate, before taking a seat next to him. “- And you never tell him when you’re leaving.. unless there’s a chance you might not come back.”

“Hm-” I couldn’t tell if he scoffed or he chuckled, but when he reached out for a tamale with a smile, I knew it was the latter. “You worried about me?”

I furrowed my eyebrows and slapped his arm, which only made him chuckle.  

“Of course I’m worried about you.” I took a sip of my soda and tried to appear angry, but Oscar’s smile only widened as he shook his head and reached out to touch my hand. My heart began to pound, as it always did whenever he touched me. Part of me could tell he knew this and used to his advantage.

“Don’t be,” he replied softly, chuckling under his breath. He always found it amusing when I got angry at him or worried about him. When he saw how anxious I still looked, he squeezed my hand and sat up. “Look- I only told Cesar because this job might a bit longer than normal and I didn’t want him to worry... You shouldn’t worry too.”

I nodded. I was still scared on his behalf, but seeing how confident he was made me feel more at ease. Oscar was a smart man, so I knew I could trust his judgement, but that didn’t stop me from worrying just a bit.

“Uhm-” I coughed and sat up, prompting Oscar to move his hand back. “What’s the job?”

“You know I can’t tell you,” he said calmly, and I sighed. It was worth a try. 

“Well, if you’re gonna be gone for a while,” I began. “- tell Cesar to come crash at my place.”

The last time Oscar had left town for a job, Cesar stayed at their place on his own... for the first night. The next few night he was jumping between crashing at mine and crashing at the Turner’s. He would never admit it, especially to his older brother, but he preferred sleeping on the ground in an overcrowded house, than on his own in their house. 

“I don’t know how long I’m gonna be gone,” he added cautiously, trying to politely talk me out of taking Cesar in, but I wasn’t gonna let him.

“All the more reason why he should stay with me,” I replied. 

“I was just gonna tell Sad Eyes to keep an eye on him, you don’t have to stick your neck out for me, Y/n.”

“But I want to,” I exclaimed. A small smile appeared on Oscar’s lips, and I knew he was beginning to pick up on what I meant. “C’mon who do you think’s gonna keep a better eye on him- Sad Eyes or the girl who made you tamales?”

Just as he reached out to grab another from my plate, I pulled it out his reach, emphasising my point. Sad Eyes almost started a fire at Oscar’s backyard the last time he tried to start the grill. When he reached further, I stood up and walked away, prompting him to follow me to his kitchen sink.

“Fine... Fine he can crash at yours,” he muttered, as I held the plate behind my back. I smiled proudly, which only made him shake his head and laugh. “But you gotta keep him in line, okay? You can’t just get him ice cream every time he calls you pretty.”

I opened my mouth in shock, even though Oscar was not lying. The last time I came over, Cesar complimented me and I snuck him out of his room for ice cream. Oscar was not impressed when I dropped him off, after he specifically told me not to take him out because he was grounded for starting a fight with a kid at his school. 

“Pendejo,” I muttered, glaring at Oscar teasingly. 

He leaned closer to me and wrapped his arm around my frame. I subconsciously held my breath as he did so, unsure of what he was trying to do. When he looked up at me and saw how tense I was, he smirked, before pulling a tamale from my plate and moving back.

Damn him.

“See?... You just can’t resist the Diaz charm,” he bragged, as he unraveled the tamale in his hand so he could eat it. I scoffed, trying to ignore how hot my cheeks felt. He smiled, turning his attention back to me. “Aw, c’mon don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m not,” I retorted, even though Oscar could see right through me. “I’m just mad, because that’s the last one.”

Before he could react, I snatched the tamale from his hand, and began walking away from him. I tried to eat it as quickly as I could, but Oscar was following me closely. Within a swift moment, he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up.

“Hey,” he shouted, before placing me on the ground abruptly. As I struggled to regain my balance, he tried to snatch what was left of the tamale out of my hand. I held it behind me before he could do so.

“Y/n,” he warned, taking a step closer to me.

“Spooky,” I replied teasingly, taking one step back. He never liked it when I called him that; always preferred Oscar instead. 

“I want that tamale.”

“Try and take it then,” I challenged, immediately regretting doing so when I took a step back only to feel the wall. When my grin faded almost instantly, Spooky smirked and his eyes darkened. I could feel my heart pounding again from how close he was getting to me.

He lifted his hand out, but he wasn’t reaching for the tamale.

Instead, he held the sides of my face gently and slowly pulled me closer to him. As I held my breath, he leaned forward, kissing me softly. I closed my eyes and sighed, a sense of relief. Suddenly the feelings I had repressed for so long didn’t need to be hidden anymore.

As Oscar pulled away slowly, I fluttered my eyes open. I looked up at him and for the first time in all my years of knowing him, he looked hesitant. Like he was worried he had just made the biggest most impulsive mistake yet.

“Y/n, I’m-”

“Don’t be,” I whispered, smiling reassuringly at him. When it came to everyone else in this world, Oscar was the last to apologise. For me, however, he was always saying sorry. It was like he was so scared of doing something to hurt me, he felt the need to apologise consistently just to cover his bases.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he murmured, leaning in so he could press his temple against mine. I laughed softly as he did so, before lifting my hands up and placing them on the back of his neck.

“Is Cesar here?” I asked, causing Oscar to smirk again.

“No,” he answered amusingly quickly, wrapping his arms around my waist. He then began to take slow steps backwards, gently pulling me with him. “He’s at Jamal’s place.”

“Good,” I answered, before placing my hand over his. After reaching the start of his corridor, I turned back and smiled when I saw how flustered Oscar look. That was the first time I’d ever seen him make a face like that, let alone at me. 

Noticing that I was laughing at him, he lunged forward and lifted me up again. I laughed as he did so, only to grow quiet when he brought me low enough so I could kiss him again. After he pulled his bedroom door open, he placed me on his bed and slowly laid me down. I couldn’t help but moan as he did so, which only fed his ego more.

“I love that sound,” he mumbled.

Good, I thought to myself. That’s all he was gonna hear until the next morning.

***

Four years had passed since Oscar left Freeridge on a job that would end with him in cuffs. When I found out from Sad Eyes that he had been locked up, I made a lot of big decisions. For one, I convinced my family to take Cesar in until Oscar got out. Within a month or so, everyone warmed up to him and he was basically a part of the family.

However, when Olivia was set to move in, things got difficult. Cesar was contemplating moving back into his place, but I knew he still didn’t like the thought of being there on his own. Luckily, word got out that Oscar was released early. And so, a solution came in an unexpected way. 

Cesar had packed a duffel bag of his clothes when he moved back. After saying goodbye to everyone, including my mom who was surprisingly tearful to see him go, Cesar and I headed over to his brothers’ place.

“How you feeling?” I asked Cesar, after noting how fidgety he had been ever since we found out Oscar was coming back. 

“Okay... I guess,” he muttered. I stayed quiet, knowing he had more he wanted to get off his chest. “...Things are gonna be different now.”

I knew what he meant. He wasn’t the eleven year old boy who could get away with picking fights at school. Not in the eyes of los Santos at least. When Oscar and I entered our freshman year, he had to go from being affiliated to being a member. As much as I didn’t want it to be the case, I knew this was gonna be the same thing for Cesar.

When we got to Oscar’s house there was a group of men sitting outside and a group already inside. I recognised some of their faces, but the rest seemed unfamiliar. As I walked Cesar up to the front door, I tried to ignore the faint whispers and obnoxious whistles. 

After Cesar knocked twice, the door opened in an instant and there he was. He looked almost the exact same as he did the last time I saw him, four years ago, but something was different. Something was off. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“Mano,” he exclaimed chuckling loudly as he aggressively pulled Cesar into his arms. After patting his back roughly, Oscar quickly let him go, and turned to me. For a moment I could have sworn he looked the same, but something about his attitude was off-putting. The way he looked back at the men around him before turning back to me made me fear he was about to do something stupid.

“You good, hyna?”

And there it was.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Oscar had never spoken to me like that. He always made it a point to treat me differently, because I wasn’t just some girl who hung around him and los Santos. We were more than that.

In fact, when one of the other santos called me a hyna, he punched him square in the face and then some.

“The fuck you just say to me?” 

By natural instinct, I fired back without thinking or filtering my words. I had never done that before when talking to Oscar, I didn’t think I needed to start now. Oscar, by the looks of it, thought otherwise.

“Watch your mouth when you talk to me,” he barked, his eyes darkening as he glared at me. I didn’t flinch. Oscar and I had had our fair share of arguments, but I trusted him enough to know he would never cross a line. And, for some reason, I still trusted him. 

I looked behind him and took note of the men sitting on his couch and at his table. They were all watching Oscar, as if they were taking note of the way he was talking to me. I knew then that this was all performative. It had to be.

“Whatever,” I muttered, before handing Cesar the backpack of his I was carrying. He looked at me apologetically as he accepted it, but it didn’t change anything. 

I walked back home and tried not to scream my head off. 

***

It had been a few days since I saw Oscar for the first time. The closest I got to hearing from him again was when Cesar came over to pick up some more of his things. He didn’t say anything to me.

I was at home while everyone was gone to work and school, contemplating what to do. Oscar and I had spent over two decades together, and I always knew how to talk to him. Whether he was angry, sad or in a rut, I always had some idea of how to approach him. But not this time.

And then I started thinking about the night before he left Freeridge, and I had an idea. I headed to the kitchen to make a platter of tamales, so I could head over to his place at around sunset- the same time I headed over last time.

“I’ll be back soon,” I called out to my abuelita before closing the door behind me.

I knew this would be a prime time to head over, because Cesar told me the rest of the Santos stopped hanging around the house. I hoped that if they weren’t there anymore, Oscar would act more like himself. He never used to treat me differently when his gang-mates were around, but I thought I should cut him some slack since he just got out. 

I knew deep down, as problematic as it was, that I would compromise a lot of my values if it meant giving Oscar another chance. 

After I reached Oscar’s door, I knocked loudly. After a few minutes, I could him faintly chuckling from inside, his voice growing louder as he approached the door. I inhaled deeply, hoping I wasn’t about to make a huge mistake.

When Oscar opened the door only to see me, his smile faded. He looked like he had seen a ghost- his face went pale and expressionless. I couldn’t figure out why.

“Y/n,” he whispered, clearly shocked by the fact that I was standing at his door.

“I-”

Before I could finish my sentence, let alone start it, I was interrupted by a voice that seemingly came from his bedroom. 

“Spooky, ven acqui,” she called.

Now I was the one who looked like they had just seen a ghost. 

I didn’t know who the voice belonged to, but I knew she was one of the many women who hung around the Santos. The exact ones Oscar used to tell me he’d never get with. It became alarmingly clear that he was not the same guy I knew.

“I made you tamales,” I stated, my breath quickening as I spoke. 

I couldn’t tell if I was going to cry or throw something at his head first, but I knew I wanted to do both. So, before he could respond, I threw my plate of tamales at his face. He didn’t hold his hands out or do anything to stop me. While I knew this meant he was remorseful, I was done with making excuses for him.

“Cabron,” I spat angrily, before walking away from him. 

He immediately followed me down his doorstep and towards the pavement. I tried to quicken my pace, but he reached out and grabbed my arm tightly to keep me from leaving. I shook myself out of his grasp and turned back to face him.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” I yelled, my eyebrows knitting tightly from my rage.

“Let me explain, Y/n,” he cried. I laughed dryly, as I reached up to wipe my tears away from my eyes. I had never felt so angry at him in all our years of knowing each other.

“Explain?” I repeated, furious at how dense he was. There was no getting out of this, not even for someone as calculating as Oscar. “There’s nothing to explain, Spooky, it’s pretty fucking clear what was going.”

“Don’t call me that,” he pleaded, eyes softening.

“Why not?” I shouted incredulously. “You’re clearly a different person- may as well start calling you by your new name.”

“Y/n-”

“No, you know what?” I scowled, taking a step towards him warningly. “It’s okay if you didn’t wanna be my boyfriend- didn’t wanna hold my fucking hand. I would’ve been okay with that... But I never thought you’d stop being my friend.”

Oscar flared his nostrils and furrowed his brows sorrowfully. I could tell he was hurt by what I was saying, and I was glad. It was nice to see he was still capable of showing emotions.

“I’m done,” I sighed, breathing heavily from all the screaming I had just finished. “I get you’ve had it rough the past few years, but you don’t get to come back and treat me like shit when I have always been there for you.”

Oscar stood silent for a moment before trying to reach out to me. I took a step back and shook my head as I scoffed. How big of an ego does he have to think he could just hold my hand and things would be okay again.

“I-I’m sorry,” he cried out in a spluttering mess.

“I don’t want anything to do with you anymore,” I muttered, before turning around slowly and walking back home. 

Oscar didn’t move. He didn’t try to follow me. He didn’t even go back inside to finish sleeping with the poor girl who heard our entire conversation from his room. He just stood there and watched me leave. I knew then that he got the message.

Whatever we had. Whether it was a friendship or something more... It was over. 

NEXT PART

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 12 - Willie Alone

Summary: Sunset Curve AU, Willex, will he make it?, 5.2k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Day one down with no Caleb. Purple began to border the horizon. Hours of skating broken up with brief rests had Willie pretty tired. Sheldon seemed to be holding up pretty alright, even if he was stuck in the funny makeshift carrier Willie had made from a t-shirt to wrap around himself. Whatever town he’d stopped in was a little ways from the interstate, but it was nice being in a smaller place than a city for once. He actually couldn’t remember if he’d ever been to one.

Willie skated up to a cafe that doubled as an ice cream parlor and let Sheldon down on the ground. He hooked a leash to the cat’s collar but let it drag along the ground, knowing he would be followed. Entering the cafe, he sat at a table and leaned on its surface in exhaustion.

The night before already felt like so long ago. He’d spent all day debating whether it was smart to skate along the highway because it was an easier route to follow, or if he should take some back roads because they had less traffic and likely no cops. Seeing that shed light up was unforgettable. Willie hadn’t watched too many movies since he’d lost his memories, but it was a moment that had definitely felt like he was in one. Did he count as a fugitive now? He sort of liked the flavor of mystery and adventure that came with it.

Sheldon was up on his hind legs, pawing at Willie’s knees to let him climb up. Sitting back so his cat could leap into his lap, Willie cradled him with one arm. He thought about getting some ice cream and realized that he already missed the chamoy candy from Escobar’s bodega. It would’ve been nice to have a few more snacks on him. He’d get something in a little bit - standing up was going to make him feel sore.

He wondered how Alex was doing. He’d chosen to go to L.A. in the hopes of at least finding him and the rest of his friends. That sense of closeness and familiarity that Willie had felt when they were at the Pearl had become everything to him. Even Julie and Flynn would be great to meet again - in fact, he wished he could give them something in return for allowing him the second chance he’d needed to find Alex. Then he could figure out where to go from there.

Finally getting up from his seat, he approached the counter for some ice cream, leaving Sheldon held down by putting a chair leg through the leash handle. A girl who looked too young to be working there came to serve him.

“Hi, what can I get for you?” she said politely.

Willie looked down at all the flavors underneath the glass. What he wanted to do was climb inside and get the cool-off he really needed.

“Uhhh...how about the - ” his eyes narrowed to be sure he was getting it right. “ - the swass?” As far as he could see it claimed to be a white chocolate flavor with cayenne pepper in it. He’d never heard of a spicy ice cream before.

The girl giggled behind the glass.

“How many scoops?” she asked, barely containing laughter.

“Two scoops, in a waffle cone,” he said, watching as she got it prepared. “What’s so funny?”

They traded hands as she gave him the cone and he gave her cash.

“Swass is short for sweaty ass. It’s a summer special.”

Willie snorted and laughed along with her.

“Nice!” he said, pointing a finger to accentuate the word. She held a handful of coins out to him. “Don’t worry about it, keep the change.”

Mood now lifted by his ‘swass’ ice cream (which was surprisingly delicious once he began licking it), he went back to the table. Sheldon kept watching him, eyes hungry for the unfamiliar substance. Willie watched in mild entertainment for a moment as he continued eating. Then he got the idea to move the ice cream around, seeing Sheldon’s eyes follow wherever it went. It made him giggle.

Holding the cone within reach of Sheldon’s face, he let the cat sniff at it for a moment before daring to take a lick. After a few more licks, Sheldon sat back with his mouth wide open in shock, and Willie felt bad for laughing.

“Did you get a brain freeze, buddy?”

Sheldon looked betrayed, and crawled underneath the chair and began cleaning his face. Some noise caught Willie’s attention and he looked up to see a small TV set up in a corner of the cafe. The news was on, and while he couldn’t clearly make out what was being said, he saw footage of a building in flames while a fire department was trying to put it out. Fear clenched in his chest as he recognized it. Lifting Sheldon’s leash, he immediately got up from his chair and headed out the door.

So avoiding public places was going to be the plan from now on. He didn’t know what was being told on that news story but considering that was definitely the shed from behind Caleb’s place...arson had awful consequences, and Willie didn’t like his odds. It certainly put a wedge in his plan to find shelter, but he could get creative.

Grabbing his board, Willie skated through the streets and checked out his best options while finishing his ice cream. It was getting late, and businesses were closing quickly. He didn’t fancy staying anywhere outside, mostly for the safety of his cat. After getting a good look around the town (or most of it at least), Willie had to pick between the movie theater or the laundromat.

He thought of trying the theater. The seats would be perfect to sleep in, and the dark stillness of an empty theater at night sounded so relaxing. But there was the question of getting in without having to buy a ticket or being kicked out after a movie was finished. That was likely to cause enough fuss with the employees for them to identify him. Scratch that off the list.

Willie made his way to the laundromat, albeit unwillingly. It was the only place open for twenty-four hours with no one to bother him about why he was there. As he went inside with Sheldon, he peered up at the yellow lights. There had to be a dark corner somewhere. A handful of loads were going, and they were all spread out so that the noise would bother him no matter what. However, a door toward the back caught his attention and he checked to see if it was locked.

To his surprise, it opened to reveal an empty office. He flipped on the light to get a better look. There was only a desk, chair, and empty bookshelves, as if whatever it was used for had been decommissioned or moved elsewhere. Dragging a finger over the desk, a layer of dust came off. The room didn’t look like anyone would check for a person in there, so Willie decided it was where he’d make camp.

Luckily enough, there was a lost and found area with the laundry of people who’d somehow forgotten to pick up their loads. Finding a blanket in the pile, Willie made sure Sheldon was inside the office with him before turning the light out and shutting the door. It blocked out the noise of the machines well enough. Using his backpack as a pillow, he laid down and pulled the blanket over him as best he could and sighed.

Thinking back to earlier when he’d celebrated being a fugitive...well, it certainly had its cons. As Sheldon nestled on top of his legs, Willie chuckled softly and tried to focus on falling asleep. The backwards dream was bound to happen again, and he wondered if anything about it would change now that he knew what it was really about. Aside from his memories of Alex and his dad, it was the best motivator he had now. He closed his eyes and let the sound of purring lull him to sleep.

Day three without Caleb. Note to self: never underestimate the amount of sunscreen, food and water needed on a trip, and bring a map. Packing light was a mistake. Willie was avoiding the highway now, but had taken a wrong turn somewhere after passing through that small town and thought he’d found somewhere to get back on track, but only ended up more turned around than ever. Now he was skating for miles on some back road with no cars or civilization in sight and was getting worried. He was rationing the water between him and Sheldon, and now that it was high afternoon and the July sun was beating down, he was worried. The food he had packed for himself was already gone, and he was pretty sunburnt.

He’d originally decided not to hitchhike because he didn’t want to be recognized and turned in, but now he was considering it was safer than wherever he was right then. If the laundromat had been rough, rest stops were much less desirable to sleep in.

Slowing his board down, he moved to the side of the road for a minute and set Sheldon down on the ground so they could both stretch their legs. These past few days had been hard, but he was determined to never go back to Caleb. He felt more like himself and a new person all at once, more than he had ever felt since he’d lost his memories. Even with desperation creeping under his skin, he didn’t regret it one bit. Sheldon rubbed against his legs and Willie opened his backpack and dug for some food.

“Here you go, buddy,” he murmured, laying the food down and massaging the back of the cat’s neck. “You sure are handling this better than me.”

All he got in response was content purring. Willie was grateful he wasn’t entirely alone. It wasn’t a usual thing for cats to travel, right? He wondered what made Sheldon so special.

Pulling out his water bottle, Willie saw that it was down to a mere gulp. As if to punctuate his disappointment, his stomach growled loudly. This was beginning to feel like more than a low point. The pain and fatigue started increasing as he sat in the dust, the notion of how lost he was settling in uncomfortably. Shaking the water bottle, Sheldon perked up and watched him pour some into his hand before licking it up.

Finishing the last of it, Willie was hardly satisfied. It was better than nothing. The heat was getting unbearable, though, and with how tired he felt it was a hard debate whether he should take a nap or keep trying to find shelter.

Stubbornly trying not to imagine the worst, Willie reminded himself of his goal. Find Alex, find somewhere to stay, and play it by ear from there. He even teased the thought of finding out if he still had a family. That didn’t sound likely, especially with the amnesia factored in, but this was the first time he could dare to dream bigger than the small life he’d had back in Vegas. If he did make it, it was all worth the strain he was feeling right now.

If - such a laconic, dooming word.

His legs felt too much like jelly to attempt riding again, though, and he pulled Sheldon into his lap. The cat made a few funny chirping noises at him.

“Sorry, buddy, I’m too tired,” he apologized. All the rubs against his shirt couldn’t renew his strength fast enough. Willie felt tears well up in his eyes and he couldn’t tell if they were from fear or exhaustion. Only a couple fell and immediately dried on his face.

He tried summoning the memory of Alex’s eyes, letting the ocean waves bring hope in a dire attempt to fight everything else. Their rhythm and focus remained preserved so well in his mind. If the world was made of hard, painful, unbearable things, Alex was the softness of respite. From bandaging his hand to running his fingers through his hair in comfort, there was a gentleness that made Willie believe in something greater than one day in Sin City. The waves grew and he dreamed of being washed clean and refreshed and like he could leave his soul at the shore forever and never be hurt.

They crashed over him again and again, like a lullaby. The sensation dulled the pain until he was numb. Nothing remained but the beautiful sea of green before him.

Willie didn’t know when he passed out or for how long, but he was jolted awake by feeling his body hitch up and down, like he’d gone over a bump. He heard the running of an engine and opened his eyes. A window beside him was down, and he looked directly into his own reflection in the rearview mirror of a truck. Turning to his left, he saw a person at the steering wheel through bleary eyes.

“Dad?” he muttered thoughtlessly.

“Sorry,” the voice of an older woman spoke. “Not your dad.”

Willie only blinked as he tried to orient himself. The woman had salt and pepper hair styled in a mullet and looked coarse from years of hard work.

“Pardon me for being blunt, but what the hell were you doing out there?” she rebuked. “With a cat!”

He immediately sat up in alarm, looking for Sheldon.

“He’s fine,” she assured. Willie nodded as he saw the cat sitting on top of a blanket in the back seat next to his skateboard.

“It’s a complicated story,” he told her.

“I bet it’s complicated,” she muttered in slight consternation.

There was a few minutes of silence as Willie’s mind tried to understand where he was.

“Don’t try to thank me,” the woman began speaking again. “It was only so easy to put you up in my truck after I saw you had no water, no food, nothing but a few changes of clothes and a wad of cash.”

“Thank you,” Willie said, embarrassed he hadn’t said it quicker.

“I said don’t thank me; I could’ve taken all your cash.”

He looked at her anxiously until her lip curled.

“Don’t worry, you’ve still got all of it.”

This lady was abrasive, but at least she was kind.

“I’m Bessie,” she said. “And if the name is right in your wallet, you’re William. Bet you go by Willie though.”

“How did you guess?”

“You don’t look like a William kind a’ kid.”

It was amazing how she could hold his attention so well without taking her eyes away from the road. Her intelligence was effective. It kind of made him smile.

“You hungry?” she asked. Her head nodded in the direction of a bag sitting between them. He smelled chicken and he hesitated for a moment, eyes darting between the food and her. “Go on, you can have some. I can eat more when we get to Roy’s.”

“Who’s Roy?” Willie asked, carefully pulling out a chicken wing and biting into it.

“It’s a motel. Me and my husband own it. And it looks like you’ll be our only guest tonight.”

“Oh,” he said through a mouthful of food.

“I apologize, but you need a shower,” she told him, wrinkling her nose. Willie only continued to chew in silence and bowed his head. He’d forgotten about that while he’d been focused on skating his way to freedom.

“So where is this motel at?” he asked after a few moments.

“It’s in Amboy. We’re a little ghost town out here. There’s only five of us, the rest are tourists. Sometimes we get Harrison Ford coming through.”

Willie raised his eyebrows, guessing it was impressive trivia. There were numerous names people used that he seemed to be expected to know, but unfortunately most of them he couldn’t keep track of. He silently ate his chicken, relishing in the taste.

“We’re almost there, so just sit tight and keep eating,” Bessie said.

He noticed she hadn’t mentioned anything about recent news, and while it was possible she knew about it, Willie didn’t think she would hold back her commentary if she did. He decided not to bring it up.

Not even ten minutes later they pulled up to the retro motel. Movement was agony, every bit of his exposed skin on fire. Sheldon lifted his head and meowed in curiosity as Willie opened the back door to get his things. Pulling his backpack over his shoulder, he scooped up Sheldon with one arm and grabbed his board with the other. He felt nervous claws immediately dig into his shoulder and he tried to soothe his cat the best he could.

“Shhh, buddy, it’s okay,” he whispered. It was a good thing he had a leash on.

“I have never seen a cat travelling with a skater before,” Bessie said as he followed her into Roy’s. “The things you get in this little town.”

She took him up to the main desk and pulled out a reservation book, licking her finger to turn the pages.

“Alright, let’s get you a room,” she murmured.

“I can pay to stay here,” Willie said shakily. She’d practically saved his life, and he hadn’t exactly counted how much he took from Caleb, but added onto his own money it was quite a stash. Bessie looked at him thoughtfully.

“If you insist,” she surrendered without argument.

Sheldon was sniffing everything and peering around, obviously wanting to explore.

“You can put him down for a minute, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Bessie told Willie, handing him a key and a bottled substance after he let Sheldon go. “You get yourself washed up and put this aloe on. I suggest you stay for a few days at least so those burns don’t get worse.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Willie heard himself say. Too late, he reconsidered the use of ‘ma’am’ but Bessie only smirked and shook her head. He wondered how often she picked up strangers and set them up at her motel, because she was so well prepared. Glancing at his cat, who was content to swat at some flies that had made their way inside, he went toward the room that matched the number on the key.

Showering hurt, even with cold water, but Willie tried to bear it as best he could. At least applying the aloe wasn’t too bad. He was glad he hadn’t skated with his shirt off because it wouldn’t have been any fun to try reaching certain parts of his back. Looking out the window of his room as he got dressed, the sunset was in its late stages. For a while, he simply sat on his bed and hugged his knees to his chest, watching it go down.

Now that he had time to slow down, Willie felt a huge weight finally lift off of his shoulders. He hadn’t been allowing himself to think about it as much since he was so focused on being on the move and trying to stay safe while he had Sheldon with him. Actually, he didn’t even remember when he’d crossed state lines. But he felt a little safer now. Caleb didn’t care enough to come after him all the way out here, he didn’t think. Burning down the shed had been a little dramatic, he admitted, but once people forgot the news it was probably miniscule in Caleb’s eyes compared to everything Willie had lost.

For a minute, a ball of anger grew inside his chest and Willie closed his eyes and breathed deeply in an attempt to cool it down. It was probably a good idea to take Bessie’s advice and stay a while since he was being given the opportunity. He got up and went back out to see how Sheldon was.

The cafe was quiet except for Bessie speaking on the phone with someone. Sheldon was near the cafe counter where someone had set out a bowl of water and a can of tuna. Willie went over to him and knelt down to pet him. Any motion was still a pain, but he made himself ignore it. Footsteps sounded from behind the counter and Willie looked up to see a large man with a mustache peering down at them. He appeared to be from somewhere in the Pacific Islands.

“You’ve got a nice cat,” the man said.

“Thanks,” Willie replied with a small smile as he continued running his hand from head to tail.

“Can I get you some water?”

“Oh...uh, yeah, thanks.” It was going to take a while to get used to people being kind. As the man left briefly and returned with a glass, Willie graciously took it and sat at a table. Like that, the man had disappeared and he almost questioned whether he’d actually been there.

He saw the napkins on the table and pulled one out of the dispenser. The only thing he’d actually learned how to make with origami was those little frogs, and he never seemed to use a proper piece of paper when he got the urge. Now, he didn’t have anyone to gift it to if he did make one. He sure wasn’t going to hand one to Bessie.

Just as he thought that, she came over to sit across from him.

“So what’s the plan, kid?” she asked, folding her hands casually.

Willie looked at her for a moment, unsure what to explain.

“Come on, something’s gotta motivate you to be going cross country on a skateboard,” she pointed out.

“Well,” he sighed. “I’m trying to get to Los Angeles.”

“And the bus just didn’t do it for you?”

Willie sat back, dumbfounded. Part of him knew that there were bus routes across the states, but he just hadn’t remembered that.

“Yeah, so fun fact about me: I only have a year and a half of memory, and I forgot about busses.”

Bessie raised her eyebrows, and then furrowed them.

“I’ve seen some things, I’ve seen some things, and I have seen some things. You are not something I have seen yet. I won’t ask for what your whole story is, but I can only imagine the convoluted circumstances that got you in your position.”

Willie bowed his head, unsure how he should respond. It was clear that she truly wasn’t aware of the news, though.

“Do you even know what you’ll do when you get to LA?” she asked.

“Not much,” he said, shaking his head. “But I have a start.”

“Please tell me you don’t plan to skate the rest of your way out of here.”

“Well, do I have any other way to get there?”

Bessie pursed her lips as she considered his words.

“I’d have my husband drive you out, but he just went out of town to do some business. We’re actually trying to sell the town, so once he finishes up his deal this place will be out of our hands. I can’t keep you here for long.”

The news made Willie realize just how inconvenient it was for her to have pulled him from the side of the road, and more guilt rose in his chest. He couldn’t keep getting in everyone’s way just by showing up.

“How soon is he supposed to be back?”

“A couple days. And then we’ll spend the rest of this week cleaning up and heading out.”

Feeling something touch his leg, Willie saw Sheldon had finished his can of tuna and come over to him. Picking the cat up and holding him in his lap, he looked at Bessie.

“You’ve been really generous,” he said. “You practically saved my life. I don’t know how to thank you.”

She shrugged.

“Ain’t much you can do but say it, and that’s okay. And maybe just rest enough so you’re in good shape before you get back on the road. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.” Willie nodded emphatically.

“Alright. Well, I’m going to turn in, but you hang in here as late as you like, although I don’t know what you would do.”

Willie only smiled as she got up from the table. He did the same, carrying Sheldon with him to the room. It was going to be nice having a bed and not being on the move from the second he woke up. Even with his skin continually on fire, he was able to fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

The next day he woke up and it was already noon. Sheldon was meowing to be let out the door, intermittently coming up to Willie and nudging him with his head.

“Yeah, I get the hint,” Willie laughed.

He quickly got himself together before hooking the leash to Sheldon and heading into the cafe. There were two men he hadn’t seen the day before eating lunch. It was probably a good idea to eat, considering he had slept through breakfast. The large man with the mustache was at the cafe counter, and Willie was silently relieved he hadn’t hallucinated him. It appeared he had set out the bowls of water and food already for Sheldon, who immediately went to it.

“Hello, little man,” he said as Willie came toward him. “What can Big Bo get for you?”

“Are you Big Bo?” Willie immediately loved the name.

“Absolutely.”

“Well, I could eat anything, what do you recommend?”

Big Bo thought for a minute. And then he smiled.

“I’m gonna make you a nice burrito.”

Nodding and smiling, Willie watched him leave as he went to a table and immediately began folding napkins into frogs. After a while his face got itchy, and he realized his skin had begun peeling from the burns. That was going to be fun to handle. Big Bo brought his burrito over and then tried getting attention from Sheldon.

Most of the rest of the day was pretty boring. Willie rotated between doodling on napkins, playing card games with the deck Bessie pulled out from the motel office, and walking around with Sheldon. He was reminded to consistently use the aloe vera he’d been given. Boredom rose to the point where he helped Big Bo deep clean various appliances behind the counter in the cafe. By the time they had finished, it was just time to eat a late dinner and Willie was tired out from all the cleaning.

He took a shower and tried to lightly scrub off all of the dead skin. Sheldon curiously poked his head in and got a faceful of water, causing him to make a surprised noise and run off. Willie couldn’t help but laugh with a twinge of pity as he peeked out and saw his cat glaring at him from the bed. Honestly, he wouldn’t have managed to get this far without Sheldon. It felt good not to be alone, but also feel free to just be himself and still be followed out of sheer loyalty.

The bed was already so comfortable and inviting it made Willie sad that he couldn’t stay longer. Maybe in the future he could recreate something like this place - small and friendly, where he was always prepared to help poor strangers find shelter. There wasn’t much to do here, but he could play around with ideas for his own thing. He’d definitely add a skate park, though. A strange thought occurred where he remembered Caleb’s hotel being called the Desert Oasis - the irony of it all couldn’t have been more obvious.

For the first time in weeks, Willie had a peaceful sleep.

A couple days later, Bessie’s husband still wasn’t back in town. She didn’t seem too worried about it, but Willie could feel tensions building up for himself. He was slowly running out of ways to entertain himself while his burns were finally toning down into tan lines, and he was afraid he would wear out his welcome while she was waiting for the town to be sold. His backpack was already packed and ready to go, but it was mid-morning and he still felt unsure about when was a good time to leave. For now, he simply doodled over the top of the comics in the newspaper.

The door of the cafe opened. Willie didn’t bother looking up but he overheard the conversation.

“Well, I am surprised to see you here again,” Bessie was saying.

“Hello, Bess, how’s it been?” A man’s voice was heard speaking. Willie couldn’t tell where he recognized it from.

“Slow. Buster’s been out of town. I guess we oughta tell you we’re leasing the place so you’re not in for a surprise next time you want to fly out here.”

“Leasing the town? Well, that’s a shame.”

“Any day now.”

“Any day now? If I’d known this would be the last stop I make here, I would’ve planned better. I was just gonna go out to the salt flats for a bit and then hightail it back to LA.”

Willie peeked over his shoulder. He still couldn’t see the man’s face, but he felt his heart rate go up at the mention of Los Angeles. Not wanting to appear rude, though, he continued with his doodling and tried to tune out what they were talking about. Eventually the man left the cafe and it was difficult to tell if he was going to come back or not. If it took until later that evening, he was willing to wait to find out.

In the meantime, he let Big Bo teach him how to make his special dinner rolls. The man was very quiet but he clearly loved making food and it made the process more fun. Also, Willie enjoyed the way he got called “little man” because it came out sounding so laid back and welcoming. While they waited for the dough to set, Big Bo showed him some tattoos he had and explained the symbolism of each one.

“This represents Nāmaka, the Hawaiian goddess,” he said, pointing to a woman’s face surrounded by ocean waves on his bicep. “But to me she really represents the course of life. The tide goes in, and the tide goes out, and the good things and bad things do the same. What you and me do is just ride that wave wherever it takes us in life.”

Listening intently, Willie thought back to Alex’s eyes and the countless times he used the visual of ocean waves to bring him calm amid the turbulence. Big Bo had spoken a simple concept, but it was something more powerful than anything Caleb had ever said. Something in Willie’s heart felt like he could finally find a purpose outside of all of this chaos.

After they had finished making the rolls, Willie sat eating one while petting Sheldon when he heard the door to the cafe open again. Footsteps approached and suddenly, a man Willie recognized had put his leg up on the chair across from Willie and was leaning on his knee casually. Surprise seemed to slap him over the face when he realized who he was. Indiana Jones, Han Solo, the Fugitive himself looked down at him in a bomber jacket and jeans.

“So my friend Bessie tells me you’re in a rough spot, kid,” Harrison Ford said. Willie looked back in shock. “I’ve got my own plane out there right now. You want a ride?”

[aughtpunk]

White is Not the New Black

Crowley woke up feeling weird. Like, weird weird.

He laid in bed a good three hours just trying to find the best way to describe said odd feeling. Like if someone spackled a crack with whipped cream and for some unknown reason it worked. Like a completely boneless adorable kitten that kept slipping through his fingers. Like floating safely on an inner-tube in the middle of a stormy ocean. Like stepping on dew-covered grass knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt there were no red ants for miles around. It felt like the time Warlock decided to bake cookies using marshmallows and kool-aid mix. It felt, for reasons Crowley could not comprehend, a bit like Aziraphale.

So of course Crowley decided to ignore it.

Crowley was an expert at ignoring his feelings. He should be, considering he’s been doing it since before The Fall. There was nothing with feelings per say, it was just they tended to get in the way of things. Feelings made it hard to do evil. Feelings compelled Crowley to save children, to save Aziraphale, to save those two bloody unicorns, to save Aziraphale, he was thinking about Aziraphale again, he was thinking about Aziraphale and that odd feeling in his chest only got worse. 

“Shutupshutupshutup.” Crowley muttered to himself as he watered his plants. He opened his mouth to snap at them only to find that nothing would come out. It was as the feeling was forming a wall between him and his usual projected self-loathing that morning. Crowley fought down the staticy sensation and gave being mean to his plants another shot.

“You,” He said pointing his finger at a particular irritating Norfolk Island Pine, “you can do better! Don’t make your needles as sharp! Stop looking so smug for being mistaken for a Christmas tree! There better not be a single dropped needle on this floor or, or,” the words scratched at his throat, unable to escape but unable to settle as well, “or I’ll gift you to Aziraphale this Christmas! And you know he’ll go full Victorian on dressing you. He’ll use candles. Real candles.”

That got the Norfolk Island Pine to stop looking so smug. 

(Crowley was rather proud of himself for the sudden popularity of the Norfolk Island Pine. He had convinced humans it would be a perfect Christmas plant, what with it being vaguely pine-ish and having the word Pine in its name. In reality the Norfolk Island Pine was possibly the worst plant to have around the holidays. It was a tropical plant that needed high heat and even higher humidity with multiple waterings a day and frankly had no business being in a cold dry climate. Because of this they tended to drop dead the second they left the store. The fact that once it died the dried pine needles became as sharp as rose thorns but three times as long was just an added bonus.)

Crowley rubbed an odd spot on his chest. Mentioning Christmas had only made the odd feeling grow feelers and wiggle about. Maybe he just needed coffee. Or a drink. Or Aziraphale.

Don’t think about Aziraphale.

Evil, he decided, he needed to go do evil. That would fix this right up.

***

Being evil didn’t help.

It did cheer him up in that the-misfortune-of-others-is-hilarious sort of way, but it did nothing to get rid of the feeling in his chest. In fact, the feeling felt as if it was growing. He couldn’t rid himself of the mental image of it being this multi-limbed fuzzy insect lodged in his chest. Right between his lungs, he decided. Just this spider-wasp-scorpion thing clawing at his internal organs. In a metaphorical sort of way, of course. 

After an afternoon spent causing traffic jams and making people forget their significant other’s birthdays, Crowley knew there was no use putting it off any longer. He had to go see Aziraphale. Not that he didn’t want to see Aziraphale! In fact he felt totally the opposite way. Ever since they toasted to the world Crowley’s only desire was to spend more time with Aziraphale. Possibly all of his time. He never wanted to leave his angel’s side and that was a problem because there was no way Aziraphale wanted the same. 

This was Aziraphale! The dear angel who spent a decade re-reading every book he owned because he quote ‘didn’t feel like going out’ end quote. Crowley knew that Aziraphale would be sick of him hanging around within days. Yes, they were best friends. Yes, they had chosen each other over Heaven and Hell. But that didn’t mean Aziraphale wanted Crowley to hold his hand and never let go.

The odd feeling wasn’t love. Crowley knew this because he had felt love for Aziraphale since Eden. He could feel it still as he drove over to the bookstore. His love had no odd descriptions attached beyond the usual overwhelming yearning for returned devotion. Not a single insect leg or boneless adorable animal to be seen. Just love. Simple, pure, unrequited love.

The bookstore was closed of course. Crowley could count the times he had seen it open on one hand (He would have been able to even if he got two fingers cut off before the count). That didn’t stop Crowley from opening the clearly-locked front door and walking in. The shop knew better than to keep Crowley out. 

“Angel?” Crowley called out as he entered the shop. Even after all of these weeks there was always a funny twist in his stomach when he came to visit Aziraphale. This feeling, unlike the love and the squirmy feeling that current reminded Crowley of a bowl of ice cream covered in stale pieces of candy corn, was one of dread. The fear that Crowley would find the shop burning once more and his angel missing for good. Crowley had managed to convince himself that the reason he visited Aziraphale so often was to check in on things, and not because it was the only way for that fear to die down.

Crowley was very, very good at ignoring his feelings.

“Crowley! You’re just in time! I need your help with this.” Aziraphale popped out from between the shelves holding what must have been someone’s lost smartphone. Yes, a lost smartphone that just so happened to have little angel wing stickers on the case. The white case. The sparkly white case. Oh no.

“Oh no.” Crowley groaned, “Angel, where did you get that? Why did you get that?”

The angel beamed with happiness even as he kept his eyes glued to the screen. “It was Miss Device’s idea! This way we can keep in touch with each other in case anything happens! I already have the numbers for Adam and all of his friends, too. We really must go visit them some day. Pepper, the girl who killed War, she’s trying to explain how I can set up a twitter account and I thought oh, Crowley helped make that, I should ask him--”

Aziraphale finally lifted his head up enough to look at Crowley.

He froze on the spot, causing the phone slipped right out of his hands and land on bookshop floor with a muffled thud.

(Luckily the phone liked the angel stickers so much it refused let its screen crack.)

“Uh.” Crowley cleared his throat once the silent went on a beat too long. “Angel? Aziraphale? You okay?”

Aziraphale didn’t respond right away. His eyes were wide with shock, his lips parted, and he looked one loud noise away from passing out on the spot. “Crowley,” he finally managed, “Are you okay?”

Crowley almost lied out of habit, but the feeling stopped him again. Well. If anyone knew about weird feeling it would have to be Aziraphale. “No? Kinda. I feel...off.”

“Off.” Aziraphale echoed.

“Yeah. Like, like there’s something in me that shouldn’t be there.”

“I see. What does it feel like?”

“Like if someone glued fake fur to a balloon and inflated it in my chest.”

Aziraphale didn’t respond to that.

“And the balloon is filled with those little sphere things that grow when you put them in water.”

Aziraphale closed his mouth.

“What the hell are those called, anyway?”

Aziraphale took a few steps forward. 

“I’ve seen them used for growing bamboo.”

“Crowley.” Aziraphale finally said once he was within arm’s reach of his dear friend. 

“I should try that sometime--”

“Crowley, show me your wings this instant!”

Crowley didn’t even think about questioning Aziraphale. He did as he was told, unfurling his wings for the first time since Almost-End and giving them a good flap to stretch them out. A few feathers shook loose, as they tended to, sending bits of white fluff flying across the shop floor. “There? Happy? I know, they’re stunning, I know, but that doesn’t--”

Bits of white fluff.

White fluff.

White.

White.

Crowley spread his wings out wide enough to circle around him and Aziraphale. 

White. They were white. Pure, brilliant white feathers sparkling in the bookshop’s dim light.

Aziraphale took Crowley’s shaking hands within his own and said in a hoarse whisper. “Crowley. That weird feeling you’ve been experiencing is holiness.”

***

“Fuck.”

Crowley laid on Aziraphale’s couch, waiting to see if anything would happen. When the feeling--the feeling of God’s Grace--didn’t go away, he decided to experiment a little more.

“Fuck. Shit. Arse. Arsehole. Dick. Prick. Fucking shitting arshole prick cu--”

“Crowley, cursing isn’t going to make you re-fall.” 

Aziraphale placed a nice hot cup of tea on the small side table next to the couch. Not close enough to imply that Crowley had to drink it, but close enough to let the demon know the option was there. 

No, Aziraphale reminded himself, not a demon anymore. 

He was still kicking himself for not noticing the second Crowley stepped into the shop. Demons didn’t give off the same energy as angels. In fact, they absorbed it. Standing around a pack of demons was spiritually akin to getting one’s shoelace stuck in an escalator. Crowley’s pull just happened to be weak enough that Aziraphale stopped noticing it after the first few thousand years. At most all it did was given Aziraphale the heads up that Crowley was somewhere in the immediate area. But now?

Now Crowley was burning. 

The ex-demon (that was easier than thinking of him as an angel) was absolutely crackling with holy energy. It was probably strong enough to give everyone in Soho a lovely day. Maybe even powerful enough for them to find a fiver in an old jacket pocket! Aziraphale hadn’t felt such pure holiness since...well...since before. Before it all. 

Crowley sat up and removed his sunglasses. “What about my eyes? How do they look.”

“Still very snake-like.” Aziraphale said, which was the truth. Unfortunately the truth also required him to keep going. “But they’re less yellow and more um, gold.”

“Gold.”

“Yes.”

“In what way?”

“In a...um...golden-angel-halo sort of way.”

Crowley promptly fell back onto the couch. Aziraphale waited for him to say something, anything, but when it was clear Crowley wasn’t going to say a word Aziraphale did his best to fill in the silence between them. 

“It must have been the whole saving-the-world thing that did it. Too much good all in one go. And frankly I don’t see why you’re pouting about this! Isn’t this good? Isn’t un-falling, ah, isn’t rising exactly what all demons strive for? Don’t you feel...better?”

Silence. 

“You told me falling felt like having a part of you violently ripped out. That demons aren’t filled with evil, they’re filled with nothing. Absolutely empty! You said, and I quote, it feels like slowly bleeding out for eternity! That you spend the first thousand years on Earth simply getting used to the pain!”

“I was drunk.” Crowley finally replied. 

“Drunk means you were telling the truth.”

Crowley let out a deep sigh before rolling onto his back. “Drunk means I was melodramatic. Falling didn’t hurt that much.”

“But it did hurt, didn’t it?”

Crowley didn’t answer that. 

“Does it hurt now?”

“Hasn’t hurt in ages, angel. Decades. Not even sure when it faded. Just realized one day it was...gone.”

Aziraphale sat down at the other end of the couch, just far enough to let Crowley’s feet dangle in peace. Crowley was lying. He knew if he pressed Crowley would not only tell him the exact day but the exact moment down to the millisecond. Not that Aziraphale needed to do that. He already knew the answer. “The church.”

Crowley stared up at the ceiling above. “Yeah. After the church.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure when his hand moved onto Crowley’s ankle, or when he begun to soothingly trace a circle against his friend’s skin with his thumb. Funny. He had always dreamed of what life would be like if Crowley was an angel. If they were on the same side since the very beginning. 

(What Aziraphale nor Crowley realized is that they had been on the same side since the beginning. Their side was formed the second they stood side-by-side on the Garden’s wall and made small talk. God had looked down upon them and said oh, oh this is new. This is interesting.)

“Do you really hate angels this much?” Aziraphale said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“What? Aziraphale, angel, course I don’t.” Crowley said as he finally sat up. “It’s just that it’s, well, it’s wrong. All of it feels wrong! It’s like, it’s like there’s always been this balance, right? You being all goody-angel and me being all, all demony-demon! It, it worked, didn’t it? Six thousand years it worked fine! I mean, humans go on about having a bloody angel and demon on their shoulders, right? No one ever goes oh no I’m in a terribly difficult situation, better consult the angel on my shoulder and the angel on my other should who is just like the first one but dresses in black. But not his wings! Nooooo, can’t have an angel with black wings. Gotta be white! Perfect bloody bone-bleached wings! Only pretty clean doves allowed in Heaven! Noah never would have accepted that olive branch if it was being held by a damned raven.”

Aziraphale stared into Crowley’s desperate now-golden eyes, his heart ready to burst from his overwhelming desire to help his dear friend. Yet at the same time thought over everything Crowley had said with a fine-tooth comb. He knew Crowley better than himself. He knew the snake always had a terrible habit of showing his hand. He also knew that sometimes Crowley was just...Crowley.

“Crowley. Darling. Are you upset because white wings ruins your aesthetic?” 

“They bloody destroyed it!” Crowley shouted as he threw up his arms in defeat. “White wings! Six thousand years of black going with everything and then I get white wings dropped on me like a damn missile! Do you know what white wings go with, angel?”

“Cream and tartan?”

“Nothing in my bloody closet, that’s what!” As if to punctuate the point Crowley outstretched his wings again and pointed at them as if saying ‘see?’. And as much as Aziraphale hated to admit it Crowley was right. The white wings didn’t go with Crowley’s normal attire at all. 

Aziraphale struggled internally with his centuries of British politeness. “Now Crowley, they’re very...well maintained. Impeccable grooming as always, darling. All the feathers are pointing the right way. Yes. Very good wings.”

Crowley sunk into the couch. “That bad?”

“You look like a salesman's half-hearted costume for an office Halloween party.”

“You don’t have to rub it in, angel.” 

Crowley drew his wings close to his body, using them to create a feathery barrier between him and the rest of the world. Aziraphale had seen him do it many times, usually after humanity had done something awful or when a TV show he really liked ended. The worst part was that these sulk sessions could last months, if not years. Aziraphale had to do something to shake his now angelic-snake friend out of it before it got bad.

“I have an idea.” 

Crowley peered at him through his feathers. “Good idea, or bad idea?”

Aziraphale thought it over carefully in his mind before settling on “Stupid idea.”

***

It was an immensely stupid idea. So stupid that if any of their human friends were around, yes even the children, they would have sat the angel and slightly-different-angel down and explained why this was a stupid idea. Why it wouldn’t work. That feathers don’t work that way. Ink doesn’t work that way. That the world didn’t work on cartoon logic. But they weren’t there, which meant Aziraphale’s stupid idea worked perfectly.

“There! That’s the last one!” Aziraphale stepped back with brush in hand to admire his work. The ink had soaked through Crowley’s feathers, turning them that lovely shade of endless void they used to be. “Now we just have to wait for it to dry--”

Crowley snapped his fingers.

“--or you could be an impatient child and miracle them dry. Really, Crowley?” 

“Just because I’m all holy now doesn’t mean I’m into any of that patience is a virtue nonsense.” Crowley stretched his wings up and out, their feathers once more the color of the space between the stars. He twisted his wings as best he could, marveling at the way the bookshop’s dim light danced across the feathers. “They’re perfect, angel! Course we’ll have to do touch ups whenever new feathers come in but that’s a small price to pay for fashion. What do you think, uh, Aziraphale? You okay?”

Aziraphale stood there, brush still in hand, his lip trembling the way it always did when he was upset. “Crowley. Are you really okay with this? Being...one of us?”

Crowley took the brush from Aziraphale’s hand and dropped it into the large ink pot on the floor. “It isn’t like I’ve never been an angel before. Besides, I’m not with,” he waved his hand vaguely in the direction of heaven, “them. We’re on our own side, remember? I’m not with Heaven as an angel the same way I wasn’t with Hell as a demon. I just got to get used to this...holy-feeling.”

Aziraphale removed his cotton gloves and let them fall to the floor. “Wonderful, isn’t it?”

“It feels like someone handed me a baby lamb wrapped in a blanket and told me that if I drop it I’ll die.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Crowley shoved his hands as deep into his jacket pockets could go before mumbling “Yeah it’s alright, I guess.” 

“I’ll just have to be a little bit more of a bastard to balance everything out.”

They smiled at each other, as they always did, right within arm's reach yet so far away. There had always been that barrier between them even as they stood side-by-side at the end of the world. A barrier that, in roughly thirty seconds, both men would realize wasn’t there anymore. Crowley reached the realization first, most likely because of those long dangly legs of his.

“I’m not a demon.”

“Yes, Crowley. We’ve established that.”

“I’m an angel.”

“Yes, Crowley.”

“Aziraphale, we’re both angels.”

Crowley may have reached the conclusion first, but Aziraphale was the first one to move. He closed the distance between them, happy to find that Crowley was already leaning down enough to welcome his angel with a kiss. When the world didn’t try to end again they followed it up with a second, a third, and then quickly lost count in the double-digits. They spoke between the gaps, neither man willing to let go long enough for proper dialog.

“I was afraid--”

“I thought we couldn’t--”

“What if Heaven found out--”

“What if you Fell--”

“What if it hurt you--”

“What if your saliva counted as holy water or something--”

“That’s not how it--”

“Doesn’t matter, not anymore--”

“I love you--”

“I love you so much, angel--”

“You can’t call me that anymore now that you’re,” Aziraphale suddenly pulled away, his eyes wide, “oh fuck, you’re an angel. If you’re an angel that means Heaven--”

“--Will find out.” Crowley said, slightly annoyed that the kissing had to stop for a bit. The second this conversation was done, however, they were going right back at it. “And Hell. Bugger all.”

Aziraphale reached up and tugged on Crowley’s jacket enough to pull him back down for a softer kiss this time. “Maybe we should beat them to it with an official announcement?”

“Angel, you got that right-bastard look in your eyes.” Crowley laughed, the holiness in his chest mixing in with the rest of his love. Once combined they settled in naturally, allowing the odd feelings to finally pass. “Another stupid idea?”

“Better. This idea is hilarious.”

***

There were angels missing in Heaven.

Gabriel flipped through the ledger again, as if the missing names would simply magically reappear. Oh look, those couple hundred names were just hiding in the index! Nothing to worry about here. No angels going AWOL and seemingly vanishing from Heaven’s gaze for good. But no matter how many times Gabriel went through the old ledger not a single missing-angel name popped up. The worst part was that it wasn’t like they fell because their name would have been scribbled out like the rest of the demons.

He paused mid-flip as an absolute terrible thought occurred to him. Some people thought Gabriel wasn’t smart, or a bit thick, or any other number of phrases that meant he wasn’t the brightest angel. This was only partially true. He--and many other angels--may have been clueless when it came to Earthly matters, but were very sharp when it came to celestial matters. That was why Gabriel returned to the first page of the ledger and began counting the scribbled out demon names. 

Two hundred and seventy-five were missing, the same amount as the missing angels.

Gabriel closed the book with loving care before pressing it against his face to muffle his screams. He found screaming very therapeutic. He couldn’t really curse at God as that was a big no-no, but he could scream to the universe at large about that damned angel and that double-damned demon and their damn-damn-bloody-damned ineffable plan and--

Gabriel’s scream session was cut off by his holy smartphone going off. He could scream at whoever was on the other side, he thought. Even better! Gabriel answered the phone and was just about to start bellowing when the person on the other end cut him off.

“GABE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

Beelzebub. Great. His eternity wasn’t going bad enough. “Beez--”

“DO NOT CALL ME BEEZZZZZZ!”

Gabriel took a deep breath before continuing with “Beez, if this is about the missing names in the ledger I’ll have you know I had nothing to do with it, Heaven had nothing to do with it, and if you actually sat down to read the thing you would see that there’s just as many angels missing as demons--”

“I didn’t mean that! I meant the pizzzzzzzza party!”

“The what?”

***

“The Pizzzzza party!” Beelzebub sunk down on their throne, phone in one hand and slice of pizza in the other. “Hell is full of pizzzza!”

There was a beat of silence on the other end before Gabriel replied, “What like, just lying around in piles or--”

“No! There’s, there’s tables! And streamers! Balloons! There are balloons here, Gabriel! In bright cheery colors! And there’s this one really long table full of different types of candy and and ice cream it’s supposed to be a, a,” Beelzebub lowered the phone just enough to shout “Ligur! What did you say it was called?”

“An ice cream sundae bar!” Ligur shouted back.

“An ice cream sundae bar!”

“Hold up, didn’t you tell me that Ligur was dead?”

Beelzebub shrugged even though they knew Gabriel couldn’t see it. “He showed up right before the trial. Said he just stopped being non-existent.” 

“I got better!” Ligur shouted again. 

(Of course Ligur was better. When Adam said he was going to put the world back together he meant it. That included any and all demons killed over the course of the week. There were also a lot more bees and whales than before but Adam figured no one would notice.)

“Anyway!” Beelzebub snapped, “No one down here did this so it must have been one of your lot!”

“My lot?! If you think any of ‘my lot’ would sully themselves with pizza and ice cream--”

“No but your lot is more likely to use their powers to create a pizzzzzza party large enough for all of Hell because they thought it was nice or something!”

“I am insulted! I will have you know there’s not a single angel up here who would waste even a drop of mercy for ‘your lot’ and you know it!”

“Well if it wasn’t me, and if wasn’t you, then...who…” Beelzebub let their voice trail off. Much like their counterpart, Beelzebub was not stupid. But they were a fly, and sometimes it took their brain a bit of buzzing around before landing long enough to connect the dots. 

“Fuck me.” Beelzebub said the exact same time Gabriel said “For fuck’s sake.”

It was at that moment Hastur popped out of the milling crowd of Hell and said “Hey boss? Ligur found a cake and uh, I think you need to see it.”

“Of course there’s cake.” Beelzebub said as they shoved their phone back into their pocket without bothering to hang up (Butt dialing was an invention of Hell after all). They wolfed down their slice of pizza disturbingly quick and followed Hastur through the crowd, eager to get this over with. If you asked why Beelzebub was impatient they would say something about needing the time to plot against this grand insult against Hell and all of its demons. They would not under any circumstances say because they wanted one of the cake’s corner pieces before a far less worthy demon claimed it. 

The crowd parted as Beelzebub swept through, giving them a clear path to this mysterious cake. Beelzebub was slightly disappointed to see that it was round, therefore meaning there were no corner pieces to claim. In just a few more minutes Beelzebub would be even more disappointed when they found out it was an angel food cake. But at that very second all they could focus on was the sprawling script written across the cake in flowing gold-frosting letters punctuated with a tiny angel wing on both sides.

He’s mine.

- A. Z. F.

***

Back in Heaven Gabriel didn’t hear Beelzebub’s frustrated scream on the other side of the phone because he was too busy staring at a sticker. 

He had no idea how he missed it during his numerous searches through the ledger. Whoever had placed it in the ledger did it in a way that it covered a name that could have been angelic or demonic scribbled-out.  It was absolutely hideous. A mess of holographic rainbows and sparkles designed to catch the light of Heaven at just the right angle to annoy Gabriel with its glare. The sticker also so happened to be in the shape of a black and red snake wearing sunglasses.

Gabriel couldn’t even find it in himself to scream. 

The door to Gabriel’s office opened as Michael stepped in with rather puzzled expression on his face. “Gabriel, I apologize for interrupting but I just got word from my informant that there’s been a massive miracle performed in Heaven and Hell and I wanted to speak to you about--”

Michael stopped talking. Odd.

“About…?” Gabriel asked as he finally tore his eyes off the garish sticker. Michael was staring at him. “About what?”

No, he thought, Michael wasn’t staring at him. He was staring up and over Gabriel’s shoulder. Dread pooled in Gabriel’s stomach as he turned around in his heavenly office chair to see what was behind him. 

There, right on the back wall above his desk, was a large portrait of The Serpent of Eden, Tempter of Mankind, Boyfriend of That Angel We Don’t Talk About, and a General Royal Pain in the Ass, Crowley. He was grinning from ear-to-ear, shooting double fingerguns to make it absolutely clear that he was far cooler than anyone looking at the painting. Aziraphale was there too, pressed up against the serpent’s side with his head propped up on Crowley’s shoulder. And there, under the painting, was a shining golden plaque with a single line engraved across its surface in a style that Gabriel didn’t know, but any Earthbound human would recognize immediately as comic sans. 

ANGEL OF THE MILLENNIUM - ANTHONY J CROWLEY

Gabriel didn’t bother to muffle his screams this time.

[excusemin]

New Recipe - KSJ

-Part One of Quarantine with Bangtan

Pairing: Seokjin x female reader

Rating: PG

Genre: Fluffy fluff with a pinch of crack

Warnings: Just a really soft Seokjin and one or two bad puns. 

Word count: 3.3k 

Summary: Getting used to the idea of being home all day brings new ideas to Seokjin’s quick mind.

A/N: Needed the little kick of inspiration for this little mini series. Quarantine has made me feel so blue lately that I wanted to write something to ease my mind. I hope people will love this as much as I do. Huge thank you to everyone who helped me out with this. Remember to send in an ask if you’d like to be tagged in the following parts to Quarantine with Bangtan. Enjoy. 💜

Life was pretty fun and carefree until quarantine time came around. Many plans of going to explore the world and eat new things were immediately thrown down the gutter. That did not stop Seokjin from brightening up every single day for Y/n. 

He once saw an idea off of the internet that included many date ideas written on popsicle sticks. Of course, things were limited but just because they were limited did not mean that they were not possible. During the first week of quarantine, it was full of cuddles and sweet "I love you's". It would be shown in forms of waking up early to cook breakfast for their dearest to falling asleep in the warm embrace of each other.  

The morning sun shined into the little opening of their curtains, falling into Seokjin's face. Stirring out of his peaceful slumber, he felt a small weight on his bare chest. Letting his eyes adjust to the morning light, he took the time to look at his sleeping girlfriend that was covered by her bed hair. Softly bringing his hand to brush off the hair from her face, he cooed at the sight of her slightly parted lips. If she was not peacefully sleeping, he would have kissed her so many times. Although he wanted nothing more to wake Y/n up by placing soft kisses on her face, he let her sleep.

"How did I get so lucky?"

Not wanting to be bored at home, Seokjin decided he needed to bring that idea to life. If he needed to eat hundreds of popsicles to get to see his beloved happy, then he shall do that. Although he wanted nothing more to wake Y/n up by placing soft kisses on her face, he let her sleep. He softly rolled out of the bed and placed Y/n over his pillow. Carefully tucking her in, he placed a soft kiss on her temple.

After completing his morning routine, Seokjin returned back to their shared bedroom to find Y/n still sound asleep. He moved to the nightstand by his side of the bed and pulled out a notepad along with a pen to write a note. Once he finished writing the note, he placed it on his side of the bed where he knows she'll reach out to.

Racing out of their bedroom door, he quickly gathered his needed items. 

Wallet?

Check!

Keys?

Check!

Phone?

Check!

Puzzled, he felt as if he was forgetting something. Scratching the top of his head as if he mentally dug through the list of must have's before stepping out the door. Pacing around in the kitchen, he tried to look for some form of realization of what he needed. He couldn't recall what it was he needed until he looked up forward at the refrigerator before him. Reading the beautiful writing of his girlfriend on the small whiteboard placed on the metal door, he chuckled realizing what that missing item was.

"Don't forget your mask silly!"

Seokjin felt his insides warm up thinking of the time Y/n scolded him for already stepping outside the door without the face mask. Y/n had playfully told him that she would write a reminder on the fridge if needed while hopping into the car for a grocery store run. 

She sure did.

The ride to the grocery store was not long but it was indeed peaceful, passing by blooming jacaranda trees. The jacaranda flowers painting the lonely streets with a peaceful hue of purple. When he does these solo trips to the grocery store, he feels his heart sting in guilt knowing that Y/n's eyes get to miss the beauty that these trees have to offer. Without thinking twice, he immediately takes advantage of being at a red light and takes some pictures to show his girlfriend. 

Once the light turns green again, he places his phone down and continues the small journey to his destination. Arriving at the store, he fixes the mask and gets out of his car, making sure his keys were still with him. Once he had that settled, he went straight to the ice cream section in search of those popsicle sticks. Luckily, he was able to find a small pack of twenty popsicle sticks. Since he was already there and had kept in mind that he might just have to sacrifice himself to eat popsicles for this little idea, he grabbed her favorite flavored popsicles. Also, taking advantage that he was already there, he grabbed the needed items for home and headed to the cashier. 

Back at home, Y/n sleepily searches for the source of warmth that was no longer there. Her hand pats the bed to capture Seokjin's warmth on his side of the bed but was instead met with a cold empty spot. Slightly sitting up to rub the sleep out of her eyes, she feels a paper by her elbow. 

Reaching out to grasp the piece of paper, she sees her boyfriend's writing on it.

"Good morning baby, I hope you were able to sleep well. If not, please go back to sleep princess. I stepped out for a small errand run. Do not worry about cooking breakfast, I'll wake you up with breakfast in bed. I love you. - Your absolutely handsome boyfriend! "

Chuckling at his note, she pressed the note to her chest and let her body fall onto the bed. Heart fluttering as she reads the note again, Y/n decides she would go back to sleep in hopes of  Seokjin cuddling with her when he arrives. Hugging his pillow close to her body, she brought herself to sleep with the faint smell of his shampoo. 

Arriving home, Seokjin placed everything near the sink, ready to clean them thoroughly. Once he decided everything was clean enough, including himself, he decided that he should start making an easy breakfast for the both of them. He decided to make a quick avocado toast with a cup of fruits and oatmeal. Something he knew his sleeping beauty of a girlfriend would love. 

Once he had both of their meals on a tray, he walked into their room to find Y/n still asleep. Placing the tray on top of the nightstand by his side of the bed, he carefully laid beside Y/n and wrapped his arms around her in the process.

Not holding back anymore, he started peppering her face with soft kisses. Instead of being met with groans or a pillow to the face, he was met with sleepy giggles. Another thing that Y/n does added to the reasons on why he loves her.

"Good morning princess."

"Good morning Jinnie."

"How did you sleep baby?"

He was met with a pouty Y/n and it made his heart skip a beat at the sight. He presses a kiss on her nose knowing well that she will scrunch her nose but he didn't mind at all because she looked so adorable. She could be wearing a trashbag and Seokjin will still think she is the most beautiful human being in the universe.

“We can spend breakfast in bed and then I kind of have a surprise to show you.”

“Jinnie you know I don’t like surprises. What is it?”

“Eat your breakfast and then you’ll know baby.”

Curiosity was one of Y/n's traits but so was patience. They ended up eating breakfast peacefully in each other's calm presence. Once they finished, Seokjin gathered the dishes on the tray and told Y/n to prepare herself for what he had planned for the day. Being excited for what was to come, she rushed to the restroom and left Seokjin chuckling at her actions. 

Before he headed out to wash the dishes and prepare the rest of the popsicle sticks, he fixed the bed so his princess won't have to do anything for the day. Now it was his time to rush, he quickly washed the dishes and dried his hands so he would not mess up the writing on the popsicle sticks.

A few minutes later, Y/n walked out their bedroom to be met with the sight of Seokjin eating popsicles while writing something on the clean ones. When Seokjin noticed Y/n, he quickly extended his hand out to grab a hold of Y/n and spun her around. His heart melted at the sight of Y/n in his shirt. It wasn’t his shirt anymore but he didn’t mind. She could take all of his shirts and he would not be mad if it meant that he was able to see her wear them.

Settling back down on his seat along with Y/n now on his lap, he explains that every popsicle in the jar has a quarantine date idea that either of them could randomly pick one and they would somehow try to follow through that idea. 

Excited for the first pick, Seokjin lets Y/n choose the popsicle stick from the jar. Y/n chooses the popsicle and raises up so they can both read it out together.

“Learn and cook a new recipe.”

“Sounds interesting but what exactly do we cook?”

“We can randomly flip through that one cookbook Yoongi sent over. We can just put our fingers into whichever page without looking and that’s what we cook. How does that sound, princess?”

“Let’s get flipping!” Y/n giggled while getting up to get the cookbook from the nearby counter. Handing the cookbook to her boyfriend that immediately starts flipping the book to get their recipe out. 

Using both of their pointer fingers, they stopped at a page that had pies, blueberry pies. Puzzled, they looked at each other and shrugged. Neither of them had tried blueberry pies but they liked blueberries.

“How hard can this be?”

“Well depends on how well we can follow instructions, which I hope we can do this right.”

“Princess, can you read me the ingredients so I can check to see if we have all the ingredients.” He says as he crouches to check in the bottom cabinets.

“Sure thing dear. Okay so we need two sticks of butter, all-purpose flour, granulated sugar, kosher salt, apple cider vinegar, eggs, brown sugar, a lemon, nutmeg, cornstarch and most importantly water.” Y/n finishes out of breath and swipes non-existent sweat from her forehead causing Seokjin to laugh. He gets up from crouching to gently grab Y/n’s face to place kisses all over her face.

“Yeahhh. Baby, I love your kisses but we won’t be able to cook any sweets if you keep this going.” 

“One more kiss?” He asks while pouting his lips at Y/n. Giggling, she meets his puckered lips and places a sweet kiss on them. 

“You can get all the kisses you want when this pie is in the oven.” Y/n says as she tiptoes to place a small kiss on his nose.

“Let’s get this bread or should I say crust?” Laughing at his own pun, he starts to hand Y/n the needed ingredients as she facepalmed. Placing the ingredients on the kitchen counter, she started to read the first part of the instructions. 

“It says to whisk three cups of flour, two tablespoons of sugar and one half of a tablespoon of salt in a large bowl. Jinnie, can you hand me the whisk while I put the ingredients in the bowl?”

“I’m on it, here you go princess.” He hands the whisk to Y/n but he moves to stand right behind her just towering over her body as she continues to pour out the remaining tablespoon of salt. Pouting at the fact that Y/n paid little to no attention to him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed his head on her shoulder.

Instinctively, Y/n tilted her head to tap his head while gently lifting her hand to gently caress his cheek to let him know that she is aware of his presence. 

“Jinnie baby, can you hand me the butter from the refrigerator? You can help out with this part, if you want.” Nodding his head, he let go to retrieve the butter from the refrigerator and made his way behind Y/n again.

“So how do we do this?”

“From what I read from the cookbook, it says to add in the butter with our hands and just mix it until we get pea-sized pieces.”

“Princess, let’s remake that one pottery scene from Ghost.” The look Y/n gave Seokjin was one of disbelief at the words that came out of his mouth. 

“I might just go to sleep after this along with no kisses for the rest of the night.”

“No reenactment, got ya!” Laughing at his comments, they continued to mix the butter along with the other ingredients in the bowl. Y/n asked Seokjin to place one tablespoon of vinegar and nearly eight tablespoons of cold water while she continued to mix the ingredients.

Once that was done, Seokjin poured just about enough flour on the kitchen counter to place the dough on. In the process of pouring the flour on the counter, he could not contain his need to sprinkle some above Y/n’s head. Too distracted by laughing at her surprised expression, he failed to notice her hand grab some of the flour and return the action. 

Now, it being her turn to laugh, Seokjin took the time to look at her with such softness and pride to be able to call her his girlfriend. Smiling, he grabbed a bit of flour to put on the top of his nose and grabbed Y/n’s face to press their noses together.

With wide smiles, they continued with the forming of the dough. Once they finished that step, they set the dough in the refrigerator meanwhile they prepared the blueberry filling.

The making of the blueberry filling was divided into two parts, Y/n was in charge of cooking two cups of blueberries with lemon juice, zest, sugar, salt and nutmeg for about five minutes. Meanwhile, Seokjin whisks together cornstarch and water in a small bowl to pour in when needed. 

After letting cook for around a minute longer, Seokjin insisted on removing the pan from the heat because he didn’t want his princess to get burned in the process. Laughing at his actions, Y/n took out the dough from the refrigerator to start rolling it while Seokjin poured the last three cups of blueberries into the cooling pan.

Sighing in relief when the door to the oven closed to show their creation in the last step, they decided to clean up after themselves to fully enjoy the deliciousness to come. Setting a timer to forty-five minutes to not overcook it as they started to gather all the dishes. 

“Let me help you with the dishes Jinnie.”

“No, princess. You can go sit down, I’ll clean.” 

“We are a team, Seokjin. We do things together. Let me at least help you with the dishes.” Knowing he lost when she said his name, he sighed and placed a tender kiss on her top of her head.

Forty five minutes seemed too long when they left the kitchen spotless. With almost thirty minutes to spare, Seokjin picked up Y/n and sprinted to the living room to spend the remaining minutes in each other's embrace. Giggles were heard coming from both of them.

Laying Y/n first, he gently laid himself above her body to not crush her with his weight. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist while her hands went to his head to play with his hair just how he likes it. The giggles turned into little sighs of content. Seokjin’s head rested above Y/n’s chest, listening to his favorite sound, her heartbeat. It was something he liked to listen to when his days were hard and even when they weren’t hard, listening to the heartbeat of the person you love the most is one of the most beautiful things that life has to offer. 

Y/n cooed at the sight of her boyfriend in such a  peaceful state, it brought her so much happiness that he heard her heartbeat pick up. Shifting his head to look up at her, he giggled at the soft smile on Y/n’s face. Feeling the heat rush to her cheeks, she covered her face. 

“Princess, you know I love you with all my heart right?” He gently removed her hands from her face, intertwining their hands as he placed his forehead on hers.   

“You tell me every single day Jinnie but I’ll never get tired of hearing it. I love you just as much. Maybe even more.”

“How did I get so lucky?” He closes the space between them and kisses her. Pouring out all the love and adoration for her in the kiss, making sure she felt it. 

She did. 

The sound of the timer going off interrupted their display of love. He started pulling away but Y/n grabbed his face to give him more sweet kisses, refusing to let him go. 

“Baby, stay here while I take the pie out of the oven so it can cool down before we get to taste it.” Pouting, she let go but let him know that she would miss him every second. Chuckling at her silliness, he kissed her forehead before heading to go take out the pie from the oven. Once he successfully took the blueberry pie out to cool down, he sprinted right back to Y/n. 

“Miss me baby?” He said as he jumped on top of her, attacking her with kisses as he tickled her. Laughing uncontrollably, she tried to get away from his hold and ended up dragging both of them on the floor with Seokjin falling first. 

After their laughter died down, they did not bother to get back on the couch. Seokjin brought his arms to Y/n’s back and pulled her closer to have her lay down on him. Folding her arms on top of his chest, she makes herself comfortable enough to place her head on top them.

 Placing one arm behind his head to grant himself a better sight of his girlfriend looking right back at him. He offers her a smile while his other hand travels gingerly up and down from her face to the tips of her fingers. 

Waiting for the cool down was not as long as they expected but Y/n did not let Seokjin get up this time. They both helped each other get up from the floor but Y/n ended up pushing Seokjin to the couch. She ran to the kitchen before he could even react. Y/n cut out two slices of the blueberry pie for the both of them and placed them on a plate. Before she headed back, she grabbed two forks so they could taste their creation together. 

The smell of the freshly baked pie followed her into the living room. Seokjin extended his hands out to take the plate from Y/n so she could get comfortable before they dug in. 

“It smells so good.”

“Let’s just hope it’s as good as it smells.”

“Shall we?” Picking up their forks with a bite size piece of the pie, they brought it up to each other's mouth.

“On the count of three!”

“Two!”

“One!” 

They took in the piece of blueberry pie into their mouths and closed their eyes as the flavor of deliciously sweet blueberries along with the buttery crust hit their tongues. Immediately, opening their eyes to grin at each other and high five each other for the success. Leaning against each other, they continued to eat the pie as soft music played in the background.

 “I love you so much princess.” 

“I love you so much too Jinnie. Thank you for always making me the happiest girl in the universe.”

Learning something new turned out to be deliciously positive. Seokjin sighed contently knowing that he was able to brighten the day of the person he loved the most. 

“Anything for you princess.” He said as he placed one of many sweet kisses on the top of her head.

“Here’s to more quarantine dates!”

Taglist: @dontaskshhhhh​

[soundofseventeen]

Take This To Heart (Choi Seungcheol)

In honor of our leader coming back soon, I thought I’d give you this. It is my favorite song by my favorite band (lmao, someone please ask why it means so much to me, i wanna overshare) and I wrote about my favorite boy no one tell Joshua. I’ll probably come back in the morning to finish everything I neglected last week.

Word count: 3184

Even in his daze, Seungcheol managed to get everything packed up and ready to go home early the next morning despite it being so late at night. The journey from Manila back to Korea had been nothing less than tiring and he had the strength to get home but his priorities laid with his bandmates. Ode To You was finally over and even though he missed most of it, he still felt tired, the physical ache still deep in his bones, and mental fatigue still looming in the backburner of his brain. The time off did him well, but he couldn’t help but help feel somewhat guilty for not being there where he was needed. 

Luckily, he had managed to convince you to let him finish this tour with them. As Seventeen’s general leader and oldest brother, Seungcheol felt the sense of duty of being there with them even if he wasn’t onstage and he was forever indebted to you for understanding. He wondered what would’ve happened to him if you told him to stay behind. And then he figured that his restlessness and remorse for missing out would’ve eventually led him back to them although that would’ve also meant more arguments and snide remarks and that wouldn’t have gone well with either of you. 

Everyone else was either fast asleep or getting there and he smiled, especially when his eyes found Jeonghan. No doubt, he was tired of being the leader even though he had been a spectacular one. Joshua too when Jeonghan stepped down for a month to take care of his own health. The title wasn’t an easy one to carry but he didn’t want anyone else to have that burden (even though it was also his pride), but now it was time to go back to being Seventeen and Carats’ leader. He rather would’ve missed a tour than a whole comeback and then some.

Seungcheol peeked through the hotel’s curtains, the streetlights and passing cars illuminating his face. Leaving you wasn’t easy either. Truth be told, he had almost fallen apart after they had left for OTY. You’d barely moved into your first house together and he suddenly felt like he was being ripped away from you. Well, the Asian leg of the tour was easy...until Mingyu spilled the beans that he had to go on hiatus. But it was in the past. 

“One more night,” he murmured to himself, not caring if one of them heard him. This time tomorrow, he’d be spinning you around the room while all the songs he’s ever dedicated to you sounded all over the place because every song would be yours. He just hoped you’d wait a little longer. He swore you’d make it. 

*

Actually, when Seungcheol announced that they were hitting the road to tour, you had been in your room folding the week long-neglected laundry in the basket. Tired as he was, he burst through the door, excited.

“Jagi, we’re doing it again!” He only felt a little bad when he saw you jump. “Ode to you is officially starting….soon. Jagi?”

“I can’t exactly jump for joy when I’m carrying all these clothes,” you joked.

“Oh right!” He took about half of the shirts already on their hangers to ease your load and helped you place them in the closet, all color coordinated and all facing the same direction.

“Okay, now that’s done, what’s this I hear about a tour?” You eyed him skeptically as he collapsed on your bed, his arm shielding him from the light and you swore he would’ve passed out from the exhaustion if you didn’t talk to him.

“Yeah, our boss just announced it today.” He now sounded casual as he mentioned it but you noticed the hint of frustration. “We leave in two weeks. We start in Asia, then we go to North America and, back to Asia and then we end it in Europe.”

“Can you handle that?” You asked as you sat at the foot of the bed. You removed his shoes slowly, opting to massage his feet. You decided to stay quiet when you could feel the throbbing through his socks, and just shook your head.

“Me? I’ll be fine. It’s the other boys I’m worried about. Beomju hyung and I just got Jihoon to go home finally if Soonyoung keeps at it with the choreos, he might have to sit out the first few shows to regain his energy. I think I should tell the big man who signs our checks to wait some more. We just got this place and-”

“Cheol, I’d rather you argue about going on tour so soon. You haven’t even dropped An Ode yet.”

“Jagi, come here.” He waited to open his eyes until he could feel you close to him. He rolled over to face you and reached for  your hand. “I know you don’t like a lot of this, and I don’t either but think of the Carats. That’s why we do this.”

“But you know they’d rather you stay here and take a break. And I don’t want you to leave either. I feel like we just got the hang of this.” Your eyes fluttered shut when he traced the details of your face. “This house already feels empty with you gone most of the time.”

“We’ll make it,” he assured you. “Just let me know you’ll be here while I am gone.”

*

“I’m coming home tonight, my love,” Seungcheol told you over the phone at the crack of dawn. Despite being back in Korea, it felt like you two were still worlds apart. He still couldn’t believe that his boss had decided for Seventeen to come back to Seoul by train then by boat and then by train again back to the home country in an attempt to reimburse the money lost in the European tour. They had stopped near the South Korean border at around three am because they just wanted to rest and the sea breeze just him wanna run to you. 

“Good,” he heard you sniffle. “I missed you so much. It’s been so hard without you.”

“I know, just wait a little longer. We’re now in the same country. I’m almost there.”

“Cheol, did you even sleep?”

“No,” he admitted after a while. “I’ve been up since yesterday. I just wanna get home already. I want to be with you and see you.”

“I need you to sleep. You’re in for a long day and by the time you get to the train station, you won’t be able to stand. Baby, I’ve missed you a lot and I’ve been worried that you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

“I will. Just let me come home first.” He once again cursed his boss for giving them the latest times to leave from everywhere. “Take this to heart. Nothing will keep me from seeing you tonight.”

*

“Do you guys have everything?” you asked the 13 sleepy boys. Half of them were glaring blearily at the Incheon Airport’s floors and the other half were falling asleep on their feet, but you nodded in satisfaction when they held up their passports. “Okay, let me know when you guys land or get to the airport or whatever. And please drink responsibly. If you wake me up because you want me to see who’ll fly first again, you will find me in front of your hotel room and it won’t be pretty.”

“You’re no fun,” Soonyoung whined. “SCoups hyung already looks after us. We don’t need another parent.”

“You’ve been warned.” You waited until each of them gave you a hug so you could leave. “Have fun guys. I miss you already.”

“Jagi wait. You didn’t kiss me yet.” Seungcheol puckered his lips, which left you no choice but to kiss him...so you did.

“I love you,” you told him quietly.

“Wait! I need 12 more.”

“Why?”

“One for luck at every show we play.”

“Did you really count that?”

“I did and I’m not boarding until you kiss me.”

“Stay safe,” you whispered once you complied with his request. He leaned his forehead to yours to try to keep the moment private.

“Stay strong. Will you be here for me while I’m gone?”

*

“Hyung,” Chan said, bringing Seungcheol out of his thoughts. “The whole world knows you’d rather be home right now, but rushing us out of the hotel won’t get us to Seoul faster. We have plenty of time to check out-”

“Don’t remind me,” he groaned.

“I’m just saying that we will leave eventually, but for right now, come have lunch with us. Or at least sleep. You’ll kill time a little faster….”

In the background, he could hear Soonyoung and Minghao arguing over a phone charger and then Wonwoo piped in about having an extra one to use and that ended the little skirmish. Then the door closed and he wondered if Seungkwan went for more ice. He could taste the morning breath in his mouth and he made a face. He could see Junhui coming in the room and throwing his suitcase on the bed to pull something out. He could smell someone spraying their cologne. He could feel the towel he was currently wringing in his hands. His senses had been elevated and he knew Chan was still talking, still trying to relax a little, but he couldn’t hear him...or focus on him for that matter. Seungcheol knew he needed to keep his head a little longer. He could already feel you in his arms and promising to stay with you as long as he possibly could.

“Hyung?”

“Sounds great dude.” He ruffled the young boy’s hair.

“You’re okay with stopping at Pledis to let them know we got here safely?”

No, no he wasn’t. Once again, the duties of a leader kept him from being close to you. Scratch that, it wasn’t the leader role; it was him being the oldest sibling and ensuring everyone got home safely. He nodded. “Yeah.’

Chan thumped his forehead affectionately. “Liar. Let’s go get food.”

*

“Wait, what do you mean you guys are home right now?”

“Yeah, Hannie hyung needed to get rest too,” Mingyu informed you on the other side of the computer screen. “That’s two down and I’m pretty sure they sent us all home because if any more of us can’t perform in America and we’ll have to cancel it...wait, where are you right now?”

One thing you loved about Seungcheol was how he didn’t blab to them about your personal life. He knew you had to leave but it also sucked knowing now where he was. “I had to come visit my family for a little bit. With Cheol taking time off for anxiety, I couldn’t handle not being able to help him or you guys, so I had to run away.” You hated how easily your voice cracked for feeling weak. “I have to go see you guys. I need to go tell Seungcheol that he needs to stay there so he can rest up.” You already began looking at your surroundings, ready to throw all the stray clothes into your suitcase. You didn’t know where to start and you could feel the prickliness at your fingertips. “I need to go spend the holidays with you.” You shook your head a couple times to keep a clear head.

“Take a breather, dude before you have a panic attack.” He turned around quickly in case the boy in question decided to come into the room. “Hey, hey. He’s fine. They both are. Shua hyung is making sure they’re resting.”

It eased you a little. Joshua may not have been the frontman, but he still had the same responsibilities as the other two. You just hoped he didn’t fall apart at the seams too, not because Junhui would be in charge but because if anyone else went down, they’d have to cancel the whole thing...not that it’d be a bad idea but you preferred it to under different circumstances.

“You can’t change his mind, I hope you know that.”

“For what?”

“He’s already said he’s coming with us. He’ll just be behind the scenes.”

“And you’re okay with that?” You saw him take a deep breath but he didn’t answer. “Mingyu?”

“We need him. Going without him just wouldn’t feel right. Hannie hyung will be back by that time and he’ll be making the decisions.”

“Mingyu, this is Seungcheol’s health, not some fucking good luck charm you can’t be without.”’

“I know that. You think we didn’t try telling him that? If he wasn’t so stubborn, everyone would be telling him to get his ass on the next flight to you. I’m sorry.”

“Is he with you now? Okay what's he doing?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Let me talk to him. Please Mingyu. I need to see for myself he’s doing better.”

He debated for a moment and let out the longest, “Hyung!” you’ve ever heard, followed by various voices chiming in “What?” and a few other words. “I need SCoups hyung. He has a visitor.”

You don’t know why you lost all self control and started bawling when you saw Seungcheol but you couldn’t help it. You had so much you wanted to say but you couldn’t put it in words and you wanted to fling yourself into the screen and go straight into his arms so you could give him a hug and assure him he’d be okay and everything would work out but you couldn’t and that just made you cry more.

“Jagi, if you keep crying, I’m gonna start crying and then we’re gonna have a problem,” he said, trying to make a joke but you could see that he was on the edge of tears too.

“I can’t help it. You’re there and I’m here and we’re so faraway and you’re not onstage where you belong and I can’t stop you from going to North America with the boys so you can rest and everything just feels like it’s falling apart.” Oh what you wouldn’t give to feel him stroke your hair and tell you it’d be alright.

“At least you’re being honest,” he chuckled. “And now I need to kill Mingyu for worrying you over nothing. I’m being careful, my love. I already know you want me here when you come back, but I can’t.”

“I know,” you sobbed. “Your responsibility of being their leader and making sure they’re okay is too important to you.” You found a sweater which you used to wipe your eyes.

“If I wasn’t the leader, you know I’d be there with you, right?”

Even in your emotional state you managed to giggle a bit, and even momentarily forget the heartache at seeing each other like this. At seeing him staring back at you with confusion, your giggles turned into laughs and you were finally able to dry your eyes with no more tears following behind.

“Jagi, what’s so funny?” He frowned, his lips inadvertently forming into a pout and in that moment, you never loved another man more. 

“ Cheol, did you know you’ve never lied to me about something so important before now?” The way he looked so lost just made your heart beat a little faster and grow a little more, so you elaborated. “Nothing can come between you and those boys. Not your rest, not your tour, and especially not me.” Not that you’d ever want to, of course.

“Hey, that’s not true. I moved in with you, remember?” His frown deepened and his lips pursed more, still not understanding why you found this situation so hilarious. Granted, he loved seeing you happy, but he’d rather be in the loop.

“You only moved in with me because I didn’t wanna move into the dorms with you after an apartment in my building caught fire,” you pointed out.

“Stop exposing me,” he whined.

“Stop making me fall in love with you.”

“Never. Just wait a little bit longer. We’ll be together soon.”

*

Seungcheol bounced his leg impatiently, no doubt irritating Jihoon, but he couldn’t help it. Of all the bad luck in this world. He was so close and so tired and they’ve been waiting in the same spot for over an hour. He should’ve been there with you already, kissing your face over and over again and tracing every part of it to jog his memory. His phone bored him to the point where he didn’t bother to pick it up anymore. He stared out the window in hopes of finding a clue that the train would move again soon.

Jihoon placed his hand over Seungcheol’s knee, stopping him. “Hyung, please stop doing that. You’re making me nervous.”

“I’m sorry...I just need to get home already. And if we could get moving already, that’d be great. We should��ve been there if we didn’t stop here.”

“Listen, I get that, and I respect that, but please don’t let those puppies that got rescued hear that,” Jeonghan chimed in, still half asleep. “We could’ve hurt them.”

“I’m sorry puppies,” Seungcheol mumbled. He didn’t know how much longer they waited, but by the time they got moving again, the stars were out and he saw many people in their cars waiting on either side of the tracks to get home as the day drew to a close. And when the city started looking familiar, Seungcheol sat up ramrod straight and almost knocked Jihoon out of his seat once he knew exactly where they were. He pulled out his duffel bag, accidentally hitting Seokmin in the arm and that caused Seokmin to smack Joshua awake. He was by the doors even before the conductor announced this was the final stop and rushed the other boys to hurry up because he didn’t wanna wait on them. They just had to clear everything with Pledis and then he could go home and finally be with you. He couldn’t wait. 

Once the doors opened, Hansol made sure to grab Seungcheol by the shirt collar in an attempt to keep everyone together. Getting recognized would’ve only slowed them down more and Seungcheol knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. You were so close. 

And it finally seemed that the universe aligned something for him because once he stepped foot outside of the train station, he looked at his surroundings, the smell of food vaguely reminding him that he needed to eat. The chatter was loud from every direction as the crowds passed him and them, paying them no mind. He could taste the M&Ms that Jihoon had been kind enough to share and that made him focus a little more, but then he saw you, and he gripped the carry-on.

You didn’t know he was there; you didn’t see him, he realized. He focused on the bag in your hands, recognizing the logo of his favorite fast food restaurant and his heart did the thing. His brain finally disconnected from everything as he dropped the carry-on.

And he ran towards you.

[buckthegrump]

Whenever You’re Ready

Summary: Bucky lost the love of his life three years ago and he’s still trying to figure out how to deal with that. But that gets harder when he gets an unexpected visitor.

Warnings: Mentions of death, angst, so much angst, fluff, a whole lot of feelings y’all 

Word Count: 6.2k

A/n: I had this thought and needed to write it

“I’m sorry, sir,” the officer said, “We have reason to believe that -”

Bucky stopped listening after the officer said ‘I’m sorry’. The words ‘I’m sorry’ were never followed by good news. Or even just neutral news, it’s almost exclusively followed by bad news. Especially when the ‘I’m sorry, sir’ comes from a doctor or a police officer.

But it didn’t matter that Bucky had stopped listening because he knew what they were about to say. They were going to tell him that they couldn’t find her body and that they were presuming her dead. But she couldn’t be dead. Y/n had promised that she wouldn’t die on him.

“We also lost his trail,” the officer finished.

“What?” Bucky’s head snapped up.

“He disappeared.”

* * *

Bucky sat up. The room was dark and silent. He glanced at the clock already knowing what time it was 1:35 am. The exact time that he was told that his fiance had been killed. No, not killed. Murdered.

It was the same dream, same memory, every year on the same day and he woke up at the exact same time. He was positive that no matter how many years passed it would be the same. He didn’t know if it would be worse if it was a happy memory that reminded him of what he was missing, or if he should be glad he was stuck with the worst night of his life.

The dream happened for months after and then it slowed to once a month until it only happened on the day.

He could roll over and try to fall back asleep but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to. He threw the covers off of him exposing his legs to the cool air of the room. He got up and made his way to the bathroom.

The water from the shower was as hot as it could possibly be. The hope was that it would get so hot it would burn away the pain, but nothing he tried was taking away the pain. The grief group he went to was just starting to make the pain a little less but -

Hours passed and the once nearly boiling water turned to ice against his back. All he wanted was to stay in the shower but he was meeting friends soon.

At 9:30 Bucky got into his car and drove to the cafe. Sam and Steve were waiting for him when he walked in. His friends decided that day when Bucky found out that he shouldn’t be alone on that day and so every year on that day, they would take the day off and spend all day together.

Sam was the first one to spot Bucky, he smiled and waved. 

“You were almost late, Barnes,” Sam said calling Steve’s attention to the new arrival.

“Well,” Bucky said as he sat down in the empty chair at the table, “I don’t think I could be late anywhere.”

Sam and Steve chuckled slightly at this. They remember the countless fights that Y/n and Bucky got into about being late versus showing up at least five minutes early. Y/n won and now ever since Bucky’s been on time for everything.

“How are you doing, Buck?” Steve asked. Bucky shrugged. “Did you have the dream again?”

“Yeah,” Bucky whispered. “I pulled out one of her dresses the other day, it doesn’t smell like her anymore. And I’m having trouble remembering the last time I told her that I loved her. But the day I found out she was dead -” he laughed humorlessly, “that day I can remember perfectly. It’s really fucked up when you think about it.”

Sam began talking about one thing or another and the conversation started flowing easily. And for a while, Bucky’s heart didn’t feel as heavy as he knew it was but it was nice to feel lighter.

After their coffee, they all went to watch a movie that ended up being terrible. It was about a man who didn’t know the ‘real’ value of life until his wife left him and took the kids. Sam leaned over and whispered snarky comments in Bucky’s ear. Bucky only heard about half of them, the ones he did hear were rather funny.

But Bucky couldn’t help but think about how lucky this guy was that he got a second chance. That he was able to go back to his wife and tell him everything on his mind, and Bucky would give anything to have that chance.

* * *

After the movie, Bucky got into his car and when he looked into the rearview mirror he saw Y/n. He gasped and looked out the windshield and then back into the mirror but she was no longer there. He let out a sigh of relief.

“What’s your problem?”

Bucky’s head snapped to his passenger seat where Y/n sat. She was looking at him.

“What?” She asked with a cheeky smile.

He turned back toward the wheel of the car and started driving.

“Did I do something?” She asked clicking her seatbelt into place. “Are you mad at me? Is it because I said that Star Wars isn’t as revolutionary as Legally Blonde? Because I’m right I don’t know why you’re trying to fight it, I’m always right? Also, do you think Firefly might be overrated? Because I have a theory that if they had more seasons it would’ve been one of those shows that started out great but then just ended terribly.”

Bucky gripped the steering wheel as tightly as he could. His bottom lip was shaking and every breath felt like it might be his last. She continued to talk like this was an everyday occurrence. Like Bucky hadn’t been slowly dying from the inside out because the love of his life, his soulmate had left him to live in this world without her.

“Ok, baby blue,” the nickname made Bucky tear up, “what is up? Is this because of the Star Wars thing? Or have you changed your mind about marrying me?”

“Never,” he whispered. He glanced over at her half afraid that once he acknowledged her she would disappear. She was still there beaming at him with her wild eyes that sparkled and her hair pulled back in two french braids.

“Good, because I was thinking about some things that should happen for the wedding,” Y/n continued to talk wedding the rest of the way home.

At every turn, Bucky was sure that she would vanish but she didn’t, she just talked and didn’t mind that Bucky wasn’t saying much of anything (which wasn’t too different than when she was alive). He was just going to see this time as a gift. Live in this fantasy for the rest of the day because there was no way that this would continue after he fell asleep.

While Bucky was getting ready for bed Y/n sat in bed and watched him.

“Wow,” she said in her best Owen Wilson voice, “My fiance is hot as fuck.”

Bucky snickered and rolled his eyes. He climbed into bed, he laid on his stomach head faced towards the ghost of his dead fiancee.

“Goodnight gumdrop,” he muttered.

“Sleep tight, baby blue,” she whispered and Bucky could’ve sworn that he felt her kiss his forehead.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Bucky Barnes fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

The first thing that registered was a horn blaring past him. He blinked his eyes a few times trying to figure out what was happening. He was in his car stopped on the side of the road off of US 26. It was dark outside and he was on the portion of the highway that was surrounded by a forest.

He looked to his passenger seat but just like he suspected Y/n wasn’t there. The more concerning issue was; how did he get here? And why was it 2 am?

He chalked it up to sleepwalking and drove back home. He flopped back into bed instantly going back to sleep.

* * *

Bucky spent most of his day at work on autopilot, but that was no different than any other godforsaken day. Tony, his business partner, barged into his office an hour before quittin’ time.

“What do you want Stark?” Bucky asked not taking his eyes off the screen.

“I was thinking about something the other day,” Tony paced in front of Bucky’s desk, “I know we mostly work with veterans who are dealing with PTSD but we should set up a foundation that also helps with the spouses and the significant others of vets or people who died overseas.”

Bucky froze before actually looking at Tony. He didn’t say anything so Tony, being a babbler, started to babble.

“I mean we could open it up to everyone else that lost someone because I know that you had a tough time coming back to work, and it’s ridiculous that society puts a time limit on grieving. So I was thinking that we set those up. And before you ask yes I was a little apprehensive about bringing this up to you because I wasn’t sure how you would react -”

“I like it,” Bucky cut him off.

“Good, because I kind of already set the plan in motion.” Tony gave him a thumbs up and promptly left the office.

This wasn’t an unusual thing, Tony having an idea and setting it in motion before consulting with Bucky. Luckily over the years, Bucky had gotten good at retroactively putting things to a stop when needed.

Bucky really did like the idea of setting up another foundation that helped people with the grieving of a lost loved one and mentally kicked himself for not coming up with the idea himself.

* * *

Bucky had snagged a coveted seat on the light rail train that ran through the city. It wasn’t a subway because it wasn’t underground, which Bucky (and most of the people in the city) found ridiculous because that meant when it got too hot outside the train was only able to go so fast.

And being the end of July the annual heatwave was rolling into town. The AC on the train was only doing so much during rush hour and people were packed in tight.

Bucky was doing his very best to ignore the discomfort by reading a book, but the book was getting boring and had recycled the same plotline about three times now and he was only halfway through. 

Just as he was closing the book the train came to an abrupt stop and someone fell into his lap.

She looked at him wide-eyed. 

“Sorry,” she grimaced.

And it felt like the whole world froze. There was no one else in the world but them and she literally took his breath away with one word. He was certain he’d never seen anyone quite as beautiful as she, just as he was sure he would never find someone more beautiful.

“It’s ok,” he breathed. “I’m Bucky.”

She smiled at him and Bucky’s heart nearly burst out of his chest. “Y/n.”

“So,” he was very conscious of the fact that she hadn’t moved out of his lap, “do you make it a habit of falling into people’s laps?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

“Is it working?”

She chuckled softly and got out of his lap. “If it was, how do you see this conversation ending?”

“Best case scenario?” He asked and she nodded. “Exchanging numbers and dinner plans.”

She pulled out her phone, quickly unlocked it, and handed it over to Bucky. “Let me apologize for literally falling into your lap.”

“There’s really no need to apologize,” he said as he took her phone and put his number in.

When he handed it back she typed something in then looked back at him. “This is my stop. I’ll see ya around Bucky.”

Bucky watched dumbstruck as she hopped off the train at the stop. A second after she disappeared into the crowd his phone buzzed. An unknown number had texted him a simple message: Y/n Y/l/n.

* * *

The next time Bucky saw Y/n was when he went to get after-work drinks with Tony, Steve, and Sam. It had been a month since the anniversary and the next day Tony and Bucky were launching their new foundation.

Steve was telling a story about a date he’d had recently and Tony and Sam were just taking the piss out of him for everything that he’d done wrong on the date.

Bucky looked up in the middle of the story and found Y/n standing next to the jukebox staring at the options. She turned her head towards him and smiled. He blinked and when he opened his eyes she was gone.

He didn’t see her again for the rest of the night.

But the next morning around 5 am, a full hour before he would get up to go to the gym, he woke up on the side of the road again. It was the same spot as the last time. As Bucky drove home he kept his eyes peeled for any hit and runs, he wasn’t sure what he would do if he ended up hitting someone with his car while he sleepwalked.

* * *

Her skin was soft beneath his fingers as he drew lines across her skin. She let out a sigh as she slept next to him soundly. Bucky had woken up with the sun on that particular Saturday and he knew for a fact that Y/n would be pissed if he woke her up.

So he laid there with her and watched her sleep. He pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder and she shifted so she now she was laying on her side with her nose nuzzled into her pillow.

“Y/n, are you awake?” He asked softly. He smiled when she didn’t answer. “You don’t know this yet, but I’m going to propose to you. I don’t know when or how but I have the ring. I think you’ll like it, and I hope you say yes. God, I have no idea what I’ll do if you say no. Please don’t say no.”

She continued to sleep soundly, breathing deeply. He brushed his thumb across her eyebrow. The only time she looked this at peace was when she was sleeping, or after Bucky had shown her what she did to him.

“I love you,” he whispered.

A few seconds later she groaned and made the same noise she always did when she woke up, a small whimper that her night’s sleep was over. She opened an eye and looked at him.

“Were you watching me sleep again?” She asked in a hoarse voice. Bucky h’mmed in response. “You fuckin’ creep.”

“Oh yeah, because I’ve never caught you watching me sleep,” he chuckled.

“Uhh, when I watch you sleep it’s to make sure that you’re still breathing. Some times you’re sleeping so deeply I’m afraid that you’re dead,” she argued fully awake now. “Please don’t die on me.”

Not caring that neither of them had brushed their teeth yet, he kissed her lips softly. “I won’t as long as you promise to wait until we’re both well into our 80s or 90s.”

“Deal, but I hope you know that when I do die, I’m going to come back and haunt your ass so you’ll never actually be able to get over me and date someone else. I’m selfish like that.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Bucky admitted.

“Well, when you say things like that it makes me feel bad for finding Sam really attractive. I hope you know that if you break your promise, I’m definitely turning to him for comfort and then we’ll fall in love and have a million babies,” she teased.

“Oh, a million babies?”

“Oh yeah, one million babies, and they’d be so much cuter than any babies you and I would have.” She smiled smugly until Bucky poked her sides and started tickling her. She giggled. “No!” 

“Take it back!” 

But she didn’t she just kept laughing and swatting at his hands. After a minute or two, he stopped and kissed her again. He paused and looked at her, really looked at her in the morning sunlight that peaked through the drapes of their bedroom window. He leaned over to his nightstand and opened the drawer and dug around for something.

“What are you doing?” She sat up and leaned against the headboard. Bucky turned around holding a ring. It was simple enough, it was a white gold band with a blue sapphire with two smaller diamonds on either side of it but the gems on the ring were huge. “What are you doing?” She repeated.

“I have been waiting for the right time, the perfect time to do this but I realized that when doesn’t matter. The perfect time wouldn’t make a difference, what matters is the person. You might not be a perfect person but neither am I, but you are the perfect person for me. So Y/n, I’m breaking one of your rules and asking you a question before breakfast,” he extended his arm slightly so the ring was closer to her, “Will you marry me?”

Y/n gasped shakily as tears welled up in her eyes. “Yes, of course!”

Bucky took her left hand and slid the ring on her finger, thanking the heavens that it fit. He stared at the ring as it sat on her finger.

“Are you not going to kiss me or anything?” Y/n asked snapping Bucky out of his daze.

“Neither of us have brushed our teeth and your morning breath is so bad -”

“My mom just called, she says that I can’t marry you.”

Bucky shook his head at his fiancee. “Shut up,” he chuckled and kissed her.

* * *

One Saturday, early January, Bucky was eating his cereal staring at Y/n or her ghost or whatever she was.

“Can I help you?” She asked cocking her head to the side.

“Are you a ghost?” He asked.

“You already know what I am, Barnes,” she answered solemnly. “You’re just afraid of what it means if you’re right.”

“But if you’re a hallucination,” his voice broke as he spoke, “that means you’re not real.”

“If I was real then you wouldn’t be keeping the fact that you can see me a secret?” She leaned back in her chair.

“I could just have a fever,” he reasoned.

“You’ve been seeing me off and on for months. If your fever had lasted this long you’d probably be dead,” she propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand.

“So what’s wrong with me?” He asked, cereal long forgotten.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged then gasped. “Maybe I’m a vision from a god or some higher power. Here to tell you that you’re missing something.”

“But what would I be missing?” Tears began to fall down his face.

“Do you not miss me?”

“I miss you every goddamn day but there’s not much I can do about that.” There was a brief silence and Bucky found himself wishing that she was actually something he could touch, not an uncommon wish for him. “I should go see a doctor, shouldn’t I?”

Y/n gave him a sad smile and Bucky pulled out his phone.

* * *

Y/n was sitting on the couch with Bucky, her legs on his lap and he was going over something that Tony had sent him. Bucky was petting her legs.

“Why are you petting my legs like a dog?” She asked pulling one of her headphones out of her ear. “You know I’m not into pet play.”

Bucky stopped his movements and glared at her. “Must you make everything dirty?”

She grinned. “Yes.”

Bucky shook his head and put the stack of papers down on the coffee table. He crawled over so his head was on Y/n’s stomach without missing a beat she started running her fingers through his hair. He moaned at the feeling and closed his eyes.

“What are you listening to?” He asked his voice muffled but the fabric of her shirt and her tummy.

“The podcast My Favorite Murder,” she said. “If you just gave it a chance you might enjoy it.”

“Why are you so obsessed with true crime?”

“Well if I’m prepared for it then I have a better chance of surviving and listening to how fucked up people are, helps me learn what to do if I’m ever in that situation.”

He chuckled softly, he lifted his head and looked at her. “You realize the chances of you getting murdered are very slim right? Besides, I’ll protect you if that ever becomes a real possibility.”

“Yes,” she rolled her eyes, “You’re very strong and manly. Will you please just listen to this one story about people who live on an island and one of the couples shares a pair of stainless steel teeth?”

Bucky didn’t really have that much of an interest in true crime, but he’d be lying if he said that story didn’t sound interesting.

“Fine, but just that one story,” he said, “You’re not going to hook me on this.”

He lied, she got him hooked on that podcast and any time they came out with a new episode they either listened to it together or texted the other if they were apart.

* * *

Bucky was listening to the podcast that Y/n had gotten him hooked on. He was sitting in the waiting room for the doctor and Y/n was in the chair across from him watching him closely. He was doing his best to just listen to the podcast but her stare was making that hard.

“Barnes?” A nurse called. 

Bucky sprung up from his seat and followed the nurse back into the exam room.

“Bucky Barnes,” the doctor greeted when she walked in.

“Dr. Cho,” Bucky greeted.

“What seems to be the problem?” She asked settling into the office chair in the room.

“I keep seeing my dead fiancee,” he said bluntly.

Dr. Cho pursed her lips and nodded her head. “Are you sleeping well?”

“Yeah,” he said completely forgetting about the sleepwalking he’s been doing.

“How long has it been going on?” She asked making a note in her chart.

“It’s off and on for a few months.”

“But not all the time?”

“No.”

Dr. Cho sighed. “Well, it might be a psychological thing if that’s the case the next plan of action would be to see a psychiatrist.”

“And another option?” Bucky asked though he already knew the answer.

“That you have some sort of brain tumor,” she answered and Bucky’s entire body sagged, “So I will schedule you for an MRI, but I would also like fo you to talk to someone.”

Bucky nodded silently agreeing with her.

After he got home that day he looked into some highly rated therapists and when he talked to his friends about it they all had suggestions for him.

* * *

The hauntingly familiar sound of a horn blaring startled Bucky awake again. He was sitting in his car that was idling with the radio playing quietly. The clock in his car told him it was 4 am. When he looked around he noticed that it was the same part of 26 that it usually was.

He really needed to find a way to stop himself from sleep-driving.

* * *

The room was eerily quiet. Bucky picked at his jeans pretending to rid them of pieces of fluff that didn’t exist. He’d been sitting in this room for almost half an hour silently, other than the initial hellos.

“You won’t know if this works until you talk to me and we are able to start a discussion,” Maria Hill, his new therapist told him.

“I know, I just don’t know where to start,” he said.

“Start from the beginning.”

So he did. He told her the story of how he met Y/n and falling in love with her and then proposing. He only wavered a bit when it came to the birthday party he’d planned for you.

* * *

“Are you sure you sent her the right time?” Natasha asked.

“Yes,” Bucky answered.

Natasha had asked that question about five times and it didn’t matter that Bucky had shown her the text that said he’d told Y/n to meet him at the restaurant at 6:30. Nor did it matter that Y/n had texted at 5 saying ‘hey love, I’m going to be a little late the meeting is running long and I still have to talk to some people afterward.’  

No, none of that mattered to Natasha who was nervous that Y/n would hate the surprise.

Bucky had set up a dinner for Y/n’s birthday. She thought it was just going to be her and him but Bucky had also invited all their friends because Y/n had started complaining that they didn’t all hang out together anymore.

Natasha was th only one who was worried for the first ten minutes of Y/n not showing up. After that everyone started to get more and more concerned about her unusual tardiness. Until they all decided to call the cops.

* * *

“They didn’t believe us at first,” Bucky told Maria. “They said that we had to wait 48 hours before we could officially file a missing person’s report. But we knew. It didn’t matter to them that Y/n was never late and if she was she would’ve called or texted. They thought she was running from me.”

Maria was quiet as Bucky took a tissue to blow his nose. 

“They never found her body either, isn’t that just a kick in the nuts?” Bucky laughed sardonically. “And the last thing I told her to her face was ‘just so you know you lost the game’ which might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Maria gave him a confused look. “The game?”

“It’s this thing where once you start playing the game you can never stop and the way to win the game is by not thinking about it but once you think about it you’ve lost the game,” Bucky explained.

“That’s counter-intuitive.”

“That’s the game.” Bucky shrugged. “I’ve also been seeing her.”

“Natasha?”

“No, Y/n. Not all the time but sometimes. We talk and I know it’s crazy but I like being able to talk to her again.” Bucky bounced his leg as he thought for a moment. “I’ve also been sleepwalking. More like driving.”

“What?” Maria looked shocked.

“Not all the time, but sometimes I’ll wake up to find myself in my car stopped on the side of the road. It’s the same spot every time, I never hit anyone or anything as far as I can tell.”

“Well, there are ways to get around sleepwalking maybe have a friend spend the night to stop you from getting into your car, set up an alarm system, I can send you a list of what some of my other clients have found helpful.”

* * *

A week after his therapy appointment Bucky was in the hospital for his MRI. 

It wasn’t until he was in the machine when he heard her voice.

“I hope you still have that amazing insurance because MRIs are not cheap,” she said and Bucky held back the urge to roll his eyes, “Are you ignoring me because you don’t want to look crazy in front of the doctors? Because you know that they know why you’re here right? They already know you’re crazy.”

As Bucky lay there for the rest of the scan Y/n sang a song that had been stuck in Bucky’s head for the past week. When he came out of the machine she was standing there in the corner of the room. He didn’t say anything but he made eye contact with her.

“You’re still missing it,” she said. He furrowed his brows at her. “Bucky you’re missing it.”

An hour later Bucky was sitting in front of a neuro doctor.

“There’s nothing showing up on the MRI,” Dr. Banner told him, “Medically? You are fine, Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

* * *

It happened again. He woke up on the side of the road in his idling car. But this time the sun was just beginning to rise. Bucky slammed his hands against the steering wheel before turning his car around to head back home.

He was about halfway home when something realized something. It was what Y/n had told him about missing something.

Every time he’d woken up on the side of the road it was after he’d seen Y/n. That’s the only time he’d sleepwalked was the night after all of the hallucinations. Which made him wonder, why that particular spot?

He could’ve gone home and just ignored his thought for the rest of the day but that might actually kill him.

He flipped a u-y and drove back to the spot. He pulled over on the shoulder. When he got out of the car he took a few deep breaths. 

Not really knowing what he was going to find or if he was going to find anything be began walking through the forest.

“This is the part of the horror movie where I die because I’m walking through a forest because a hallucination told me to. If Y/n could see you now she’d kill you for being stupid. Also if you get murdered they are definitely going to make fun of you on all the podcasts for being a complete idiot,” he mumbled to himself as he stumbled through the foliage and brush of the forest floor.

He walked for about a mile or two before he came across a small cabin in the middle of nowhere.

“What the hell?” He whispered to himself.

Then someone from inside the cabin let out an ear-piercing scream. Bucky finally had a logical thought and pulled out his phone to call 911. They told him to stay on the phone with him and they were sending units to him.

The screaming had stopped and Bucky almost went into the cabin. It was only a few minutes later when he heard the sirens and the officers came and two pairs walked over to the cabin and went in. Bucky was standing next to an officer who was told to wait with him.

There was a gunshot, not long after one of the officers made a call over the radio for an ambulance because there was a girl in the cabin who needed medical attention.

The officer that hung around with Bucky took his statement as they waited for the ambulance. Giving the statement to the officer was a blur and he tried to find a way to tell the officer that visions of Y/n had led him here without actually telling him that.

When the EMTs made it through the forest the ‘girl’ was escorted out of the cabin and Bucky’s heart dropped. There was a woman walking with the officer who looked so much like Y/n but her hair was unkempt and looked like she hadn’t eaten in years.

But then her eyes met his.

“James?” 

“Y/n?” He asked and his voice broke. Bucky didn’t wait for her to answer again as he ran over to her, how he managed not to trip over anything was a mystery to him. He stopped right in front of her. “Is that really you?”

Y/n let go of the officer and lifted her hands to his cheeks. She gently touched his face and he leaned into her touch. He was almost sure that at any moment he was going to wake up from this dream to an empty bed.

“You found me,” Y/n whispered before collapsing into Bucky’s arms.

* * *

Bucky sat next to her hospital bed and watched her. He was afraid that she would disappear. But he could touch her, he could feel her again. But he wouldn’t. Not until she made the first move, he wouldn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to do, he didn’t even know what’d happened in there.

The detectives that had come around informed him that any number of things could’ve happened during those three years and she would be a very different person now. That she would need countless hours of counseling.

Y/n had been unconscious since she fainted outside the cabin. Bucky knew he should call everyone, tell them that Y/n was alive, but he also knew that they would all want to come and see her so he settled for the two people who needed to know. Tony, because there was no way in hell Bucky was going into work today or anytime this week. And Natasha, because Nat would kick his ass if he kept this from him. 

Everyone else could wait until Y/n woke up and was ready for visitors.

* * *

Natasha had come in an hour after Bucky called and cried into his shoulder. She’d stayed for a while before Bucky told her to go home and that he would call her the instant Y/n woke up. Natasha had been reluctant at first but agreed because it didn’t look like Y/n was going to wake up anytime soon.

Which wasn’t true because an hour after Natasha left Y/n’s eyes fluttered open. She looked over to find Bucky wide awake watching her sleep.

Y/n gave him the smallest of smiles that somehow still took his breath away.

“You were watching me sleep,” she croaked.

“I thought you were dead -” he stared and had an apology on the tip of his tongue but she cut him off.

“Don’t apologize for not looking for me,” she ordered.

“But -”

“No,” she said firmly. “You were working with what you had.”

“How ok are you? Scale from one to ten.”

“If one is I’m dead, I’m gonna go with a one-point-five.” A tear fell from her eye and Bucky wanted nothing more than to wipe it away. Her lip began to tremble. “Um, he uhh -”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Bucky cut her off. “Not yet.”

There was a silence that Bucky didn’t know if he should fill or not. He knew what he wanted to tell her, but he wasn’t sure if he should if it would be what she wanted to hear.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want me anymore,” she told him. “I know that three years isn’t really a long time but if you don’t -”

“You can’t get rid of me that easy, gumdrop,” he told her and a sob escaped her lips. “I’d go get you another ring tonight. I meant what I said when I told you that you are the perfect person for me. And I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“But baby blue, I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I was. I’ve done things -”

“Y/n, neither of us are the same person we were three years ago. And whatever you did, kept you alive,” he said, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. “So yeah, we have some stuff to work out but my heart belongs to you and you alone. And I’m not giving up on you.”

Y/n reached out her hand for Bucky and he took it. Her frail hands wrapped around his one, they were cold. He could only imagine the rest of her body was just as cold.

“You still wanna marry me?” She asked softly.

“Do you still want to marry me?” He pulled over a chair not removing his hand from hers and sat down.

She nodded. “But I’m not ready to. Does that make sense? Like, I wanna be ready.”

“I would wait forever for you,” he told her.

“So you lied,” she sighed and he furrowed his brows at her. “Clearly, you couldn’t have changed that much you’re still the cheesiest person on the face of the planet.”

Bucky scoffed and pressed a gentle kiss to her hand. “Promise me you’ll let me know if you don’t want me to do something. Like if I touch you in a way you don’t like, you have to let me know. I never want to be the reason you’re in pain.”

“Ok,” she whispered. “Where’s everyone else?”

“I only called Natasha and Tony today because I wasn’t sure how you would react to a room full of people wanting to see you. I can call them if you want and get them here.”

“Not yet, I haven’t seen you in three years,” she played with his fingers. She hadn’t let him go as if she had been touch starved for so long.

“Ok, whenever you’re ready.”

And yes they had things that they would have to work out together and individually, but Bucky meant it when he said that he wasn’t going to give up on her.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole).

Words: 3,461 Triggers: spoilers in warnings Characters: Roman, Thomas, Virgil, Patton Universe: Dreaming While I Wake Genre: Regular Angst

Chapter 15 (Check end notes for trigger warnings)

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

   Roman numbly leaned against Thomas on the couch, buried under the throw from his bed as they watched Oliver & Company. He had cried himself out and he felt like he had nothing left in him. The bandages Thomas put on his arms to cover the cuts he gave himself were kind of itchy, and that was frustrating. But Thomas got a panicked look if he tried to scratch, and he just couldn’t do anything else to hurt Thomas any further. How could anybody fuck up as much as Roman and still get offered forgiveness? He was always taught some things couldn’t be forgiven. This really felt like this should be one of them. Roman caused so much trouble. But they were all quietly watching a movie. They should lock Roman in his closet or something, not leaning against Thomas and watching Virgil sometimes sign insults at the movie. If Patton weren’t still at work, he’d probably be on the other side of Roman with his arm around him. They were just so freaking nice.

   Roman realized his eyes had drifted off the screen again, and he was staring at the floor. He brought his eyes back up and tried again. He really wanted to watch it and have a pleasant time with them, even if he thought he deserved to sleep on the patio or whatever. He liked this movie. He wanted to want to watch it. He wanted to pay attention to the movie. But he just felt off and wrong and exhausted and he couldn’t focus on the screen. He loved this movie. He thought it was brilliant at tugging your emotions. The intro always made him cry when he was younger, but not today. Roman cried enough for like 2 years or something. That was another thing he knew he wasn’t supposed to do that Thomas didn’t care about. Roman just couldn’t wrap his head around it. But his brain was also just so tired, so he shouldn’t expect much.

   There was a part of him that just longed to go back to bed, even though he knew he couldn’t sleep. A movie was a good enough compromise. It was the same amount of activity as laying in bed with none of the sleep. At least the music was pleasant and there were pretty colours. Roman glanced over to Virgil sitting on the couch arm. Roman was surprised that Virgil was interested in joining. He reads books about institutionalized murder but wants to watch a movie about an orphaned cat who finds a family and a home? Virgil really didn’t seem like the Disney type. For one, he seemed to have dark humor. For two he dressed like he was hiding something with the all-black ensemble with the big black hoodie. It made little sense. Roman probably was just dumb. There were lots of things he just didn’t get, here.

   The stupid bandages felt like they were crawling and they distracted Roman from the movie again. He looked up to Thomas, who seemed to be watching the movie. But Thomas would feel the couch move if he scratched, even if Roman sat up. The crawling sensation was nothing compared to upsetting Thomas again. Roman exhaled through his nose and tried to ignore it. He turned his eyes back to the screen and attempted to focus on that prissy poodle that Roman would never admit to anybody that he loved. Virgil knocked on the side table and Roman looked back over to him.

   ‘That’s you,’ Virgil signed. Roman rolled his eyes and looked back to the screen. He wished he had that kind of confidence and pizazz. And whatever eye cream she had. Roman always looked so tired. He wanted to look good and smile brightly and be impressive and make people happy and win contests. He wanted that so badly it killed him sometimes. Roman wasn’t good enough in real life to be anything like that, though. It was dumb to be jealous of a cartoon, though. Things didn’t work like that in real life. Not that he wouldn’t mind being a cartoon, either.

   He could have a bird accompaniment like a Disney princess and fight foes that couldn’t really hurt him and win every time. He could sing dramatic songs as he defeated his foes. And live somewhere impressive where bills and expensive things don’t seem to matter, just like in cartoons. It would be nice. He wanted a katana and to fire energy blasts from his hands and use them to save the world, making smart quips and clever jokes the whole time. But he was just plain, shitty Roman, at the end of the day, who couldn’t save anybody, not even himself.

   Roman sighed and worked on focusing his eyes back on the screen again. He had spaced out and missed part of the movie, but it’s not like he hadn’t seen it before. He’d seen the entire Disney anthology at least 3 times while babysitting. Jeffery’s parents had the complete collection and sometimes let him borrow the ones the Finley’s didn’t have for Jessica, Amber, and John. He wondered how they were doing. Mr. & Mrs. Finley didn’t have much time to pay any attention to them. Roman thought that’s why they kept him around. They wouldn’t get fed or take baths or pick up the floors if Roman wasn’t there to do it for them. He couldn’t keep his focus on the TV to save his life, huh? Roman blinked a few times and looked back to the screen.

   “Is there anything you want for dinner, Roman?” Thomas asked. Roman blinked and shook his head to take himself out of it. Woah, he was really out of it that time. He wasn’t sure he was even thinking anymore. “Are you sure?”

   “Uh, I’m not hungry,” Roman muttered. Roman shifted and laid down on the couch. Clearly, some time had passed since the credits were nearly done rolling. He was too tired to care and didn’t feel like he deserved to eat and was too empty to even feel hungry.

   “You’re not getting away with that Roman, you’re eating dinner. You didn’t eat breakfast and only finished an empanada for lunch. You barely weigh as much as a sack of potatoes,” Thomas said, getting up from the couch. Roman didn’t even remember that. He was glad he finally got that empanada for a moment until he realized he got something he wanted even though he didn’t earn one-if anything the opposite- and curled in on himself. Roman must have curled too tight and hissed when he hit his bruise.

   “I’ll get you a fresh ice pack for that,” Thomas said compassionately and walked into the kitchen. Roman loosened up slightly and stared ahead. Virgil squatted in front of him and made a perplexed expression, like he was considering Roman for a moment.

   ‘What happened?’ Virgil signed, still looking confused.

   ‘Life,’ Roman signed back.

   ‘I mean last night, fuckhead,’ Virgil rolled his eyes.

   ‘Too nice. Freaked out. Ran,’ Roman signed. ‘How did you know?’

   ‘Damn dog woke up the entire house barking,’ Virgil replied, looking annoyed.

   ‘Foiled by a dog,’ Roman fingerspelled and snapped his fingers jokingly and made a face. His attempt to cheer himself up failed and he sighed. ‘Still hard to hate her,’ He added after a moment.

   ‘She’s impossibly cute,’ Virgil shrugged. ‘Try shooting her some time,’

   ‘What?’ Roman signed, confused. Was Virgil joking about hurting the dog? That didn’t seem right.

   ‘It’s a trick. Finger guns. Try it,’ Virgil explained and sat down on the floor. Roman was immediately relieved that it wasn’t some wildly grim joke. ‘What happened to your arms?’

   ‘Thomas said it was me,’ Roman signed back.

   “Here you go, Roman,” Thomas said, passing the ice pack down over the couch to Roman. “Virgil, do you want anything specific for dinner?” Thomas asked. Roman carefully placed the ice pack on his bruise and sighed, watching for Virgil’s response.

   “Tater tots,” Roman said for Virgil.

   “Thanks, I just caught lots of T’s, I think. Is chicken and roasted vegetables acceptable with the tater tots?” Thomas asked. Virgil nodded. “Do you have any preference yet, Roman?” Roman just shook his head. “Patton’s almost home. I’m sorry in advance. I’ve asked him to give you your space, just tell him to back off if he gets too intense,” Thomas said, sounding wary.

   ‘Good luck with that,’ Virgil smirked. Roman huffed, he was right about that.

   ‘Do you want the TV?’ Roman asked Virgil hopefully.

   ‘Why?’ Virgil raised his eyebrows.

   ‘I’d rather watch you do something than stare at the wall,’ Roman signed back. His feet hurt too much to go upstairs and Thomas didn’t want him to be alone right now. Roman would just stare blankly at his phone upstairs anyway, he may as well stare blankly at the TV some more.

   Virgil shrugged and got up, heading over to the TV and loading up some game with pretty music where a guy in a cloak jumps around collecting sigil things. The graphics were simple but somehow lovely. It was really soothing to watch. Roman was happy to space into it. The running in the desert was a little repetitive, but Roman didn’t mind that as much as he normally would. He had actually managed to watch it for a little while since it was so easy to follow and there was no dialogue.

   “Roman! I’m so happy you’re safe!” Patton cooed loudly and Roman jumped and flinched back, accidentally curling into himself and pushing the ice pack into his bruise. He did his best to breathe through it and not cuss, but god damn holy fucking shit that hurt. “What’s wrong?” Patton asked, looking at Roman’s strained face.

   “He got a giant bruise somehow. He doesn’t remember it,” Thomas called from the kitchen.

   “It must have happened when I was in custody,” Roman grunted, carefully shifting back into place.

   “What?!” Patton shot and Roman flinched again, more careful about the bruise this time. Virgil also flinched from the sudden sound and eyed Patton warily. “I’m sorry, boys. That just boils my beans,” Patton frowned, looking extremely upset. He crossed his arms and looked to the floor, grumbling quietly.

   “Why do you say that, Roman?” Thomas asked, coming into the living room, possibly to try to cool Patton down, since he took his hand and lead him to sit down on the couch. Lita bounded in and sat on Patton’s lap as soon as he hit the couch. Patton pet Lita absentmindedly and Thomas scratched behind her ears.

   “I went for a run, not a street fight. I blacked out and woke up with a bruise in the hospital after he asked me to come with him. When else was it supposed to happen? The dude was itching to arrest me, he probably got pissed when I passed out on him,” Roman explained. “Can’t further incriminate an unconscious teenager,” Roman said flippantly and tapped his temple. Virgil smirked slightly, still looking very unsettled.

   “Roman, you’re suggesting something really serious,” Patton said, looking firmly at him.

   “What, I had a seizure with absolutely no history of them and got a bruise the size of a steel-toed boot somewhere that was unlikely to have gotten enough impact to bruise? And there’s none anywhere else, despite the bruising force? Come on, I know what a bruise from a work boot looks like,” Roman rolled his eyes. “You’ll probably see the imprint line from the rubber sole tomorrow,” Roman flipped his hand like he was smacking the suggestion away.

   “If that’s the case, we’re making a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. We need this documented to file a complaint,” Patton said quietly and nodded. Roman’s eyes widened in terror and he looked to Thomas desperately.

   “No, no, Roman, you don’t have to see him again. We’ll get the doctor to take pictures and file like that. If you can really see the line from his boot, it should be a cut-and-dry complaint. Maybe we can get him off the street,” Thomas held up his hands. “Let me get you some cold water and just breathe for me, okay?” Roman nodded meekly and stared back at the paused game. Virgil looked nervous and swallowed heavily.

   “I’m sorry, Virgil,” Roman whispered. Virgil shook his head and pressed his nails into his palms lightly.

   ‘Police bad memories,’ Virgil signed disjointedly.

   ‘Me too,’ Roman sighed. ‘Still here?’

   ‘Yes. Game,’ Virgil signed and picked back up the controller.

   “Let’s go to the cat cafe!” Patton suddenly said after staring at them for a moment, looking sad. Thomas came back in with the glass of cold water. Roman slowly sat up and took the water tentatively.

   “I really don’t think I could walk there if I tried,” Roman said quietly, tapping the glass nervously.

   “Well, everybody wanted to do it the other day, I just wanted to cheer you two up,” Patton frowned, looking contemplative again.

   “What about s’mores? We don’t have to walk anywhere for that and still get chocolate,” Thomas suggested instead. He eyed Virgil for a moment and turned around to the kitchen again.

   “That sounds cool,” Roman muttered. He liked the sound of it but struggled to feel excited about it at the moment.

   “I like the sound of that, how do you feel about s’mores, Virgil?” Patton asked. Thomas came back in with some cold water for Virgil as well. Virgil was a little shell-shocked when he took it but sipped it slightly as well. Roman watched Thomas head back into the kitchen and felt the cool glass in his hands and tried to focus on that feeling.

   “Is there something you’re hesitant about?” Patton asked after Patton didn’t answer.

   ‘Fire,’ Virgil signed.

   “The fire part,” Roman provided.

   “Oh, well, we don’t have to use that, kiddo! We can make the s’mores indoors,” Patton put heavy emphasis on the rhyme. “We could eat them after dinner with a bit of vanilla ice cream!” Patton smiled brightly, though there was still a deep concern in his eyes. Virgil nodded slightly and went back to playing.

   Patton looked like he was considering something and nodded resolutely… to himself, maybe. Roman felt the wet glass and sipped the cool water as he watched Virgil go through this giant pillar room he was slowly filling with a magic sea. Roman noticed that sometimes Virgil would run his nails under his other nails while the cut scenes played. Maybe it was relaxing to him. Roman tried it and it felt really weird. Maybe it was different with longer nails. Virgil had more length on him. Roman sometimes chewed his nails when he was studying and they never got very long. Virgil painted his nails. Maybe that would help him stop. He’d have to buy some nail polish or something. But he had roughly five dollars and change to his name. He sort of needed to resolve that.

   “Hey, um, Patton,” Roman stuttered, not taking his eyes off the screen to look to Patton.

   “What’s up, kiddo?” Patton asked, still with those concerned eyes. Ugh. They seriously had to be the nicest people on the planet. Roman couldn’t understand it and it was starting to make him angry. He took a deep breath and tried to focus up again.

   “Am I allowed to get a job? You know, go babysit or mow lawns?” Roman asked meekly.

   “Well-” Patton started.

   “No, Roman. You don’t have to work for money,” Thomas called and insisted firmly from the kitchen.

   “I don’t-” Patton started, looking like he was confused and disagreed.

   “Trust me, Pat. It’s a hard no,” Thomas called back with an edge to his voice.

   “Well, I guess not,” Patton shrugged. “We give Virgil $30 a month, and you’ll get the same. But if you want books or art supplies or something for a hobby, we’ll get them for you, anyway if it isn’t too outlandish. I think Virgil mostly uses his allowance on digital media,” Patton explained. Virgil shrugged.

   “That’s… giving me money for doing nothing,” Roman said incredulously.

   “You’re not doing nothing, kiddo! You’re working hard in school, keeping up your parts of the house, and figuring out who you are and what you want to do! None of that stuff is nothing,” Patton objected and explained calmly. “If you’ve got other expenses you want to talk about, we’re happy to work out a deal,” But what about what he owed them for staying here? If they gave him money for everything he did around the house, it sort of made it harder to pay them back.

   “As long as you’re not working a job,” Thomas provided, sounding very resolute, from the kitchen.

   “Come on, Thomas, it’s not like I will go out and work for Jet again,” Roman groaned, not appreciating the distrust.

   “It’s not about that, it’s about that fact that you shouldn’t have to and I think it’s sick you were forced to,” Thomas reiterated, coming back out into the living room and standing behind Roman’s spot on the couch. “I don’t think you have a healthy relationship with money, period,” Thomas gripped the back of the couch.

   “I don’t like not doing anything,” Roman rubbed the glass and stared into it. “Plus, I could make more by myself and you guys wouldn’t have to waste any money on me,”

   “See, Roman, we don’t think it’s wasting money. We do think it’s wasting your childhood if you’re working,” Thomas insisted, sounding very intense. Roman huffed sourly. 

   “Didn’t you do fun stuff at the Finley’s, champ? You couldn’t have been babysitting every night. We want you to have more time for school and fun,” Patton said. The cheer in his voice was tainted with sadness, though. Roman froze and swallowed.

   “Oh, god, Roman, please don’t tell me…” Thomas moaned and rubbed his face.

   “Okay, I won’t,” Roman said sourly, dragging his nail along the cup.

   “What?” Patton said, looking between the two.

   “He was babysitting every night. And probably all weekend. And when you weren’t watching the Finley’s kids you were watching somebody else’s. Am I right?” Thomas asked. Roman nodded slowly.

   “I don’t mind babysitting. I got to watch movies with them and stuff, too. We played games together, and I got to do stuff after I put them to bed,” Roman muttered in defense of himself, not able to meet Thomas’s eyes.

   “Did your caseworker know this?” Thomas asked seriously.

   “Maybe? I’ve been taking care of the younger kids for a while, it’s not that weird,” Roman offered weakly.

   “I think that’s somehow worse,” Thomas rubbed his head, looking frustrated.

   “I’m sorry,” Roman whispered and dropped his head on to the glass.

   “Roman, no, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the situations I don’t think you even realized you were in,” Thomas said softly.

   “I wasn’t in any situations. I’m still here,” Roman objected quietly.

   “Roman, you can’t tell me that being forced to traffic drugs because your foster family wouldn’t feed you wasn’t a situation,” Thomas said firmly, sounding frustrated and gripping the couch even harder.

   “What!?” Patton shot up and looked scandalized, and Virgil bolted. Roman wished he could have, too, but he was so tired and his feet hurt badly and a loud part of him just wanted to get punished already so he could finally feel right in the world.

   “I’ll go make sure Virgil’s okay. Pat, please settle down. I think we might need a no loud sudden noises rule,” Thomas said, walking up the stairs. Roman hoped Virgil was okay and tried to breathe. The air from the cool water kind of helped, but he struggled with keeping a grip on himself.

   “I’m sorry, Roman,” Patton said sheepishly. “Did you really…” Patton trailed off. Roman nodded weakly. “I’ll… have to work on not shouting. I’m really sorry, kiddo,” Patton said sheepishly. Roman shook his head. “I have things to be filled in on,” Patton added after a minute. “Is it okay… I mean, do you mind if Thomas puts me in the loop so I can hopefully not do that again?” Patton asked, sounding upset. The whole drug dealer crony thing was out of the bag. He may as well know the rest. It’s not like it was the whole story or even the worst thing he’d done. It would be easier if Patton knew. And then Patton could talk some sense into Thomas and they’d send him away and he could be a piece of shit somewhere less nice. Roman swallowed and signed yes, not willing to raise his head from the cup and afraid of crying again if he opened his mouth to speak.

Personal Taglist: @bunny222 @elizabutgayer​ @prinxietyforever @kanene-yaaay-o-retorno @the-sympathetic-villain

the taglist repository: 

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[alilpunkrock]

Secrets Out (part 3)

A/n: sorry this part took so long! I struggle for a while on how I was going to continue the story line but I think I have it figured out! Enjoy! 🖤🖤

“I want to take you on a real date.” Ryan broke the silence in the bunk. I put Gunner to sleep in my bunk after the show and went to lay in Ryan’s bunk with him.

“I’d like that.” I smiled. He chuckled.

“I guess Ricky isn’t too thrilled about us being together.” Ryan started. I sighed.

“It’s not that, he’s just very protective of me after everything and wants the best for me.” I explained, wrapping my arms tighter around him.

“Um, I was going to ask. I over heard something earlier that you told Ricky. What happened with Gunner’s dad?” I froze. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable, sorry.”

“No, no it’s.. fine. Uh, well we dated all through high school and I got pregnant right before graduation. A couple months before Gunner was born, his dad was in an accident and.. he didn’t, uh, survive it.” I somehow got out.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was just a bad breakup. I didn’t know you had to go through that.” Ryan said kissing my temple. I felt a tear slip out of my eye.

“I had a hard time coming back from it. I got postpartum depression really bad after I had Gunner. Ricky was there’s for the whole thing.”

“I understand, love. We can take this as slow as you want, as long as your comfortable.” Ryan told me.

“I’m comfortable with you Ry, I meant what I told Ricky. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time.” I lifted my head and kissed his lips.

“I’m glad, because me too.”

I slept the most peaceful I have in a long time.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Shhhh, baby, I know you’re not feeling good. You gotta take some medicine for me, please?” I said, trying to calm down the crying 4 year old in my lap.

Gunner and I were the only two on the bus, the rest of the guys were in an interview. I woke up to the sound of Gunner calling for me, realizing I was still in Ryan’s bunk, but alone now. I have been trying to sooth Gunner with some medicine, an ice pack when his fever increased, and cuddles. So far it seemed to be working.

“Mommy, where Ryan?” Gunner asked. I thought he was asleep, he was laying with his head on my lap and hadn’t moved for a while.

“Ry and the guys are in an interview right now, they’ll be back soon baby.” I said petting his sweat damp hair away from his face.

“Can I cuddle him then?” I was taken by surprise by his question.

“Uh, you’ll have to ask him, bud.”

I still wasn’t completely sure how Ryan was feeling about Gunner. I know he wasn’t mad like I thought he would be. But I don’t think Ryan has thought about what it’s really going to be like to be with a girl who has a kid. He’ll fall into that dad role and Ryan has never mentioned anything about even wanting kids. I guess we’ll have figure it out when the end of your comes.

I must’ve fallen asleep on the couch with Gunner because when I opened my eyes it was dark in the bus, the only light on was the tv in the back lounge. I rubbed my eyes and realized Gunner wasn’t on my lap anymore. Sometimes I swear he just disappears. I knew the guys were back on the bus and judging by the time, they already performed their show for the night. The front lounge was quieter than normal, and the sight that I was met with melted my heart. Vinny and Ricky were laid out on the couch on one side of the bus and AJ and Ryan were on the other side. The heartwarming part, Gunner was passed out on Ryan chest, and Ryan looked like he wasn’t too far behind him. He had his hand resting gently on Gunner back securing him. I walked into the front, gaining the attention of Ricky and Vinny.

“Hey sleepy head, how ya doing?” Vinny asked.

“I’m okay, Gunner was sick all day so I was resting with him. How was the show?” I asked.

“Got canceled, so we got a head start for the next show tomorrow.” Ricky explained. I frowned.

“I’m sorry your show got canceled. Have you been on the bus since the interview?” I asked and they both nodded their head.

I looked over at Ryan. His eyes were shut now and I couldn’t help it, walking over and kissing the back of Gunner’s head, and the corner of Ryan’s mouth. He stirred, opening his eyes, a sleepy smile on his face when he realized it was me.

“Heyyyy,” he started to sit up then remembered the sleeping lump on his chest.

“He came out when we got back to the bus and asked to cuddle.” I smiled.

“You look adorable,” I chuckled and kissed him for real. “Cmon let’s put him in my bunk and then go to bed.”

He held onto Gunner as he stood up, laying him gently in my bunk to not wake him up. Ryan and I went to bed. He passed out very quickly and I laid there and looked at him. Maybe he didn’t mind this father figure stuff.

~~~~~~~~~

The next show was in my favorite city, Nashville. I’ve been here so many times and practically know it like my own hometown. Luckily Gunner was feeling better today so I got him ready and we went with the guys to explore the city. Gunner and I walked hand in hand down the street almost completely matching. I got him dressed first, but as soon as he saw I how I was dressed he wanted to change. We both had on black band shirts, mine was a Motionless in White and Gun wore an AC/DC one, black jeans, and Vans; mine where checkered and his were red and white.

Gunner chuckled as Ryan came up on his other side and grabbed his free hand, walking down the street like that. Part of me was nervous for fans to see, it wasn’t common knowledge that Ryan and I were together yet and I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be.

“Ryan?” Gunner spoke up, “are mommy and you together?” He asked.

We were both take aback by the question.

“Uh, yeah bud, we are. Is that okay?” Ryan asked. Gunner looked like he was in deep thought for a moment before nodding his head.

“Yeah, I like you.” Gunner was quickly distracted by something Ricky pointed out and changed the subject.

I looked over at Ryan and smiled.

How did I find someone who excepted me for me and all my baggage? A smart guy would’ve ran, but Ryan is special.

Tag list: @kamariamei @ryansitkowskiswifey

[serahsanguine]

School, Sex and Subterfuge NC-17

Chapter 8 of?

part one, part Two, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7,  AO3

tagging @today-in-fic @skullsmuldon @foxystarbucks

***************************************

Chapter 8; Christmas Vacation

One Week later: Christmas Vacation.

Scully Residence.

Scully had arrived at her parents’ house a couple of days ago. Missy had come down from Washington, too, after finally securing her flat. Bill was out at sea.

Charlie, Ahab and Maggie went out in search for the best Christmas tree, which left the two sisters discussing what their plans were for the next two weeks. They were both sitting in their bedroom, together on one of the beds.

“We need to get your stuff moved in, Missy.”

“If I actually had anything to move in I would. I sold most of it before taking that trip around the world.”

“Well, whose clever idea was that?” Scully was looking at her sister but her hands were fiddling with the corner of her blanket.

“Mine.”  

Scully rolled her eyes but sighing “Ok, whatever. Then we’ll buy some stuff in the January sales. For now, I’m sure mom has a few items you can have.”

“How’s the college boy been treating you?” Missy changed the subject.

Scully chooses to ignore the question and change the subject completely too.

“Are we still going ice skating later tonight?” Her hand was still fighting with the blanket, her eyes locked at the back corner of the room.

“Yes, we are. But, don’t change the subject. How’s your college boy going?”

“It’s fine,” Scully stood up to walk out of the room but her sister caught her wrist. Spinning her on the spot they were face to face.

“Don’t insult me by lying to me. Something’s up, I can feel it.”

“I’m fine.”

“Dana.” Melisa placed her hands on her sister's shoulders gesturing for her to sit back down on the bed.  “What happened?”

Scully had no choice but to pour her heart out to her sister. She still left the detail about Mulder being her professor.

About ten minutes had passed and during those minutes Scully managed to go from full heart-wrenching tears to only hiccuping between breaths. And during those futile minutes, she had come to the realisation that her sister was right at thanksgiving and she had indeed fallen in love with him. With his smile, his personality, his looks and definitely the sex. The man was built for that particular sport!  When she came to this realization, she also knew it could never be. She had indeed signed a contract to this effect. She knew that as soon as such things as feelings got involved, it would end. She put on a brave face, held her head up high and started getting ready to go ice skating. Leaving Melissa’s questions and protests unanswered. Melissa also knew not to push the subject for now.

Several hours later, Scully was lying on her bed listening to her sister snore. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She should be asleep by then but she just couldn’t. Scully had been thinking about everything that happened in a few short months, and how everything had changed. She could not decide whether this was for the better or not. She sat up and quietly got out of bed fumbling in the dark for her bag, to find her secret stash of cigarettes. She found them with ease and crept down the stairs, tiptoeing each step. She opened the back door trying not to wake anyone up, praying it would not creek.

Scully was finally outside, the air brisk and quite chilly. I should’ve brought a coat, she soon thought, but she didn’t really care enough to get back inside. She leaned her back against the wooden pillar of the outside porch. She opened her pack of cigarettes taking the middle one and placing it the other way round putting it back in the box. Then she grabbed another one and placed it in her mouth. Fishing the lighter out of her pocket, she breathed in a deep lung full of smoke. She placed the lighter beside her and looked up at the stars. Scully could spot all the constellations which was surprising for how much light pollution there was from the city. She let out a puff full of smoke, watching it disappear into the air, mixing with the dark, and the cold. Her body started slowly relaxing.

Her mind focussed on the stars and she remembered when Ahab taught her everything about the stars.

//

Dana was about five, sitting outside, wrapped up in the thickest blanket that her dad could find. It was Christmas Eve and he had surprised her. He wasn’t meant to be coming back that night. But, she had a nightmare, a really scary one, and wandered downstairs to find her mom. And there he was, too, sitting in the living room. He hugged her fiercely. Ahab asked her what was the matter. When she told him, that's when he found a blanket and told her to sit outside. He soon made hot chocolate for them both and sat beside her.

“Look up at the sky, Starbuck. Tell me what you see.”

Dana looked up, staring at the night with its blacks and greys swirling, mixing, colliding.

“I don’t see anything, Daddy.”

“Of course you do, Starbuck. Look really hard.”

She strained her eyes, looking really hard like her daddy told her to.

“I still don’t see anything.”  She placed her empty hot chocolate mug down and wrapped her arms around her chest, angry that she could not see anything.

“You can see the stars.”

Her mom appeared and gave them another blanket, also giving her dad a kiss on the cheek, which made her giggle. Her mom left and she watched her dad as he placed a blanket on the ground gesturing for her to lie down on it with him. And she did so, cuddling into her dad’s chest with a blanket around her, both of them looking upon the stars.

Ahab pointed to Aries, Cetus, Eridanus, Perseus... to which little Dana could not see. But then Ahab pointed to the easier constellations like Fornax, Horologium, Hydrus Triangulum... Little Dana always thought there was magic in the stars and looking beyond that into space.

//

Scully took the last drag of her cigarette smiling at the memory.

“Those things will kill you.”

“Shit, Missy, what the hell?” Scully jumped, startled by her sneaky sister.

Missy sat by her, laughing quietly.

“What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” She stubbed her cigarette out before bending in and putting it in her pocket for the bin.  

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No, I’m ok. Let's go back in. I’m cold and finally ready for sleep”

Christmas Day

Scully was tired and exhausted. That was certainly one tradition she did not like, especially after not sleeping very well. Maggie took everyone to midnight mass, which had ended a couple of minutes ago. Scully couldn’t wait to crawl back into bed and sleep. She felt like a zombie and Missy kept teasing her that she looked like one.

The previous day was spent with the whole Scully clan at the local homeless shelter. She always loved the atmosphere. It was always a positive outlook on life, no matter how bad your living situation was. She helped with the younger ones, playing and singing with them. She later helped out with serving everyone soup and Christmas pudding and cake.

They finally arrived home. Luckily, it was only a short walk. She went straight upstairs and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was asleep, oblivious to the world.

6 hours later;  

Scully woke up in Melisa’s bed, the aroma of Christmas dinner floating in the air. They had not shared a bed since they were little, but there were both far too tired to care the previous night. She sat up slightly, trying not to wake her sleeping sister. She looked at the alarm clock which sat in between the two beds. She groaned inwardly when the clock read 8 AM. The only good thing about getting up early without her sister or brother being awake was she could get a shower and then have a good look at her presents first. So, without any noise, she moved to get some clothes and take a shower.

30 minutes later,

Scully walked into the dining room, and sat down. She was not surprised at the full breakfast spread that was laid out. Her mom never ceased to amaze her, even know. She always likes having the family to dinner. There were croissants and pancakes, fruit, two different types of toast...

“Hi, Starbuck.”

“Hi, Ahab.” She smiled at her father, glad that she could spend some time with him.

“Hope you’re hungry. Your mom seems to be thinking she's feeding the five thousand, again.”

Scully nodded and slightly laughed. Once the table was prepared, her brother and sister appeared, sleep ridden at the table. Maggie finally sat down to join everyone at the table after some persuading from Ahab. Everyone started tucking into the food in front of them and she was in the middle of taking a bite of pancake.

“It’s a shame Bill isn’t here,” Maggie said sympathetically.

“Yeah... a damn shame, isn't it mom?”  Missy replied sarcastically.

Scully choked on her pancake as she bit down a laugh. Missy was right, she loved her brother, but in all honesty, he is an ass and that is never going to change. It was nice not to have him here.

The conversation carried on, changing the subject several times. The food was eaten and the dishes were washed. Soon, everyone was sitting in the living room. It was beautifully decorated with lights. Different coloured tinsel, a modest tree decorated with precision, thought and symmetry. Maggie and Ahab were sitting on the two-seater sofa, Charlie was next to the fireplace, and Missy and her were sitting side by side on the floor, opposite everyone.

Gifts were exchanged then. Scully got some book which she had been after for a little while now but never had the chance to get. Also, some scarves and other bits and bobs. However, the most precious one that was received was the gold bracelet with the words ‘Look upon the stars and you shall see the world, Starbuck.’. It was the most beautiful thing she had seen and she would treasure it forever.

The rest of the day was spent helping to prepare for the Christmas feast which went off without a hitch.  Everyone was full to the brim. There was no room left for dessert and there were plenty of leftovers for the next few days.

All in all, it was a peaceful day spent with family, enjoying each other's company.

*****************************************************

Aspen Ski Resort.

Sam had surprised Mulder by packing his bags and taking him to Aspen Ski Resort. They were meant to be spending the days in California but she wanted to do something nice for him. They had just gotten back from Snowmass, Aspen's largest and most popular ski area, comprising 3,332 acres of skiable terrain. They were both exhausted. They order a hot meal from the resort’s restaurant that should be there within the hour.

They were sitting in the living room both on a chair in front of the open fire. Mulder even though he was on vacation. He was planning the next semester's workload and Sam was reading a book about local painting which they had brought from the museum earlier that week.

He finally finished what he was doing and looked over at her sister. She looked so calm and collected and he certainly enjoyed his ‘little’ surprise. Tomorrow was Christmas, which for this family was a horrible time in past years. Their mom had died when he was twelve and Sam was eight, and a few years later, also on Christmas, their father got arrested for a beating so bad that he was hospitalized several times. From then on they had gone to live with their aunt Becka. She was a lovely woman who helped both him and Sam a lot. Every Christmas they circled a different ski resort. Even while he was in Oxford they still kept the tradition.

“Sam? I don’t think you put sunscreen on. You’re a little red.”

She took her eyes from what she was reading and looked at him.

“I applied plenty, thank you.”

“Maybe you should go look in the mirror,” he said in a teasing tone.

She huffed and the movement of getting up. He knew her legs would certainly be protesting of so much strain after skiing and boarding. He watched her walk over to the mirror with her cotton pyjamas on and her hair in braids. She inspected herself, turning her face side to side before speaking.

“I am not sunburnt, told you!”

Just as she had said so, the bell for the front door had gone off, announcing the arrival of their food.    

“Sometimes, Fox, you have a damn right spooky intuition,” she laughed as she went to pay and collect their food.

He went into the kitchen to go find some plates and cutlery.

“What drink do you want, Sam?” he shouted through the cabin.

“Diet Coke will be fine, thanks,”  she shouted back.

He walked back into the living room carrying everything they needed. Sam was knelt down at the table with the food in front of her.

“Some help would be nice,” he said sarcastically.

“What do you mean? I did help. I got the food which was your whole plan of telling me I had sunburnt.”

“Humm… if you say so—.”

Sam helped serve out the food between them. It was one of the tastiest beef, vegetable stew they had ever tasted. They both polished the plates and even left a little room for cheesecake for dessert.

After dessert was eaten, Sam picked everything up, and said her goodnights. Picking up her book, she headed upstairs to bed. Mulder stood up watching some old Twilight episode that was on tv. An hour or two passed when he started with his secret preparations hoping his sister was well and truly asleep. He got the decorations out of the cupboard under the stairs. With the tinsel and lights and wall decorations hung, he still needed to retrieve the tree, decorate it and place the presents underneath it.

Mulder got the tree off the hiding places and realised he should have either moved it sooner or with help because it was a lot heavier then he realised as he shuffled it across two floors trying not to scrape it or walk into anything when dragging it. About thirty minutes of sweating he finally managed to put the tree where he wanted it. He decorated it with candy canes, barbells, Christmas beads... He even managed to place a star on top.

He finally crawled into bed after lighting the fire in his room. It was about four o’clock in the morning. His head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes. Within seconds, he was gone into the land of slumber.

Christmas Day;

Mulder woke up and shivered, the fire had gone out a little over an hour ago and there was a certain chill to the air. He needed to get up and start on breakfast before heading out to the restaurant where he had booked a reservation for Christmas dinner. He grabbed a quick shower and crept downstairs.

He was going to mix Sam's favourite chocolate chip pancakes. He mixed the butter and poured them into the pan. Not long after the first two were good his sister wandered down and stopped in the second to last step. The look of amazement and pure joy is written on her face was all he needed. It made it all worth it for that one look. He smiled and turned back around and carried on cooking pancakes.

He heard her walk towards him and sit down at the kitchen island.

“How? When? Why?”

He turned around with a smirk. Placing the hot pancakes on a plate in front of her, then placing some on a plate for himself, he turned off the hob and placed the pan on the rack to cool down. Sitting opposite her, he spoke to answer her questions.  

“The lovely lady who owns these little cabins wanted to help out.  I asked her a couple of days ago, and she thought it was sweet that I wanted to decorate it as a surprise for my little sister. She said yes and placed all the decorations in the large hidden cupboard under the stairs. And, to answer the last one… because even though you’re a pain in my butt, I love you. Plus aunt Becka in all her old wisdom made me promise to keep up the tradition of a decorated tree on Christmas day.”

“Thank you.”

She bit into her pancake and a sound of satisfaction filled the room.

With breakfast eaten, presents were opened. Sam got loads of art supplies, a couple of books and some socks. It was time to open some of his. He got Terry Pratchett's new book, the first edition of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. He had no idea how Sam managed to get it but she did. He opened the last present and was a little in shock.

“What is this?"

“Well, big brother, it is pretty self-explanatory, ” she laughed.

“These are two tickets for a getaway for two, place of my choice.” He looked at her like she was an alien eating children. He was a little shocked and surprised.

“But I have no one to go with,” he pouted.

“What about that girl you’re not in love with? ” she replied, sarcastically.  

“I wasn’t in love with her and we're not seeing each other anymore.”

“Your loss then,” she shrugged. She kept looking at him for a couple of minutes. "I still think you should get you head out of your ass and tell her how you feel before she swoops away with a nice college boy. ”

“Sam.”

“Yes?"

“It’s Christmas. ”

“And you're avoiding.”

He went to answer her back but decided no to. After all, she was right. He shrugged his shoulders and changed the subject.

“We should start getting ready or we’re going to be late for our reservations.”

Later that evening.

Sam had gone to sleep and Mulder sat on the small balcony overlooking the lodge and charming village below, with its variety of shops and restaurants. From their cabin, he could see roughly half of the trails there. The grey sky was mixing with the white of the snow, illuminating as far as the eye could see in a luminescent green, almost like an aura for buildings. The place was so tranquil and quiet, he could have easily fallen asleep looking upon this view if it wasn’t so damn cold. Maybe he would come back in the summer.

As he stared into the evening sun his thoughts drifted to Scully. Maybe, one day soon, he could share a cabin with her,  quite possibly this exact one. And, together, they could oversee the town in all its beauty under the summer sunset.

But first, he needed to take his sister's advice, pull his head out of his ass, and apologise to her. Would she even accept the apology? Would she even want to talk to him? If she did want to talk to him, would she want him back?

Sam was right, he was an idiot and he had maybe just lost the best thing he was ever going to have in this life. One thing was for sure: even if she wanted nothing more to do with him, whether it was misplaced jealousy or not, he definitely needed to tell her that Daniel Whatever-his-name was a creep.  He had tried to sleep with her when she was drunk and, if he was a betting man, he would even put money on it not being the first time he had tried to get into her pants. He was losing track of thoughts now. He should really head to bed, lots of snowboarding and sledding to be done tomorrow.  

******************************

2 weeks later.

Scully had an exceptional Christmas Vacation filled with love, joy and surprises all around. Mellissa tried to bring the subject of the mysterious man who Scully had fallen out with at least three more times over the two weeks. Every single time she was shut down.

Just before coming back to college, Scully received an email from Mulder asking her to meet up with him on the second Friday that they were back to school. She hadn’t replied back and she also didn't know if she was going to attend that meeting.

Mulder tried not to think about Scully again. But, each night he ended up alone, he kept thinking about her, more and more each night. He finally decided to extend an olive branch by sending the email, leaving the ball in her court. What she chose to do with that was completely up to her. One of two things were going to happen: she could either hurt him or forgive him.

Scully and Serah had a lengthy talk about what happened that last night they were together. Serah apologised profusely about her actions and promised never to do it again. They were now sat in the dorm room debating what Scully was going to do about Mulder.

Serah was pacing the room, it helped her think.

“You should at least reply, Dana. ”

“Why?”

“You’re miserable without him. ”  

“I am not.” Scully threw her hands against the bed in defence.

“Don’t lie to me. It’s not beckoning on you. ”

“Give me an example of when I have been missing him,” she dared her friend.

“For starters, when you're in the gym and you see him, all sweaty and tuned up. It turns you on. You come back with a certain glow, a certain look and a certain body movement.”

“I do not!”

“Ahh, ahh. No speaking until Serah has unloaded all her wisdom. ”

“A—.”

“Shh! Anyway, also, when we're in his class you can’t help but check him out and get all dreamy-eyed and start daydreaming about it. And, third: I am not putting up with a horny, sad, depressed Dana Katherine Scully any more.”

Serah looked at her and Scully raised her eyebrow in scepticism.

“And, before you say anything… Yes, you are all those three.”

“Hum—.”

“I’m not finished yet.  You were happy with him. Yes, he was a jerk towards you and you both said things you may regret. But he's extending an olive branch. ”

“Yes, I suppose so. ”

“You never know, he might even apologize and say he loves you. ”

“Like that’s ever gonna happen.” Scully laughed it off.

Later that day she sent Mulder an email.  

From: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

To: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Meeting.

Dear Mulder.  

I would like to accept your invitation to meet. I just need a place to do so.

Yours faithfully,

Dana Scully

It did not take long for a reply.

From: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

To: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re:  Re: Meeting.

Dear Scully,

Thank you for accepting my invitation to meet. As we already have a date set of the 27th I thought we could meet at a place of your choice.

Yours faithfully,

Fox Mulder.

It took her a few hours to reply. She didn’t know whether she wanted to meet in his office or somewhere public like their little restaurant. She finally made the decision and messaged him back.

From: DanaKScully@Hotmail.co.uk

To: FWMulder@Hotmail.co.uk

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Meeting.

Dear Mulder,

Your office on the 27th at 8 o'clock. I will meet you there.

Yours Faithfully,

Scully.

No less than five minutes later she received an email which was short in nature and only one word which said 'Agreed'. That one made her smile for the rest of the day.

1 week later;

Friday, 27th January

They were both apprehensive about today's meeting. Scully couldn't focus on her lectures.

On the flip side, Mulder couldn't focus on teaching his lectures either. 7.30 PM and he was pacing his office back and forth. He couldn't still his anxiety and the waiting was unbearable. The ticking of the clock was filling the silence of the room.

Scully was feeling anxious. She didn’t know what he was going to say, she didn’t know how she would respond. She couldn’t sit idle for long so she made her way to his office. Before she knocked she was standing outside his door. Her palms were hot and clammy, her body slightly shaking, her heart rate fast and uneven. She finally knocked on the office door. It wasn’t a loud knock but it wasn’t a timid knock either. She took a deep breath in and he opened the door.

He heard a knock and knew it was her, he was so god damn nervous. He walked over to the door and opened it. There she was, in front of him, in jeans and a t-shirt with Stranger Things written on the front. He smiled knowing how much she liked the program. He moved to allow her to walk in. He closed the door behind him, locking it before sitting in front of her at his desk.

God, she had missed him in his tight t-shirts and hanging low dark jeans. She was sitting in front of him trying to act calm when she was anything but. She had butterflies in her stomach like the first time they had met. His normal hazel eyes were an emerald green. Ok, maybe looking in his eyes is a bad idea. She chose instead to focus on the picture of him and his sister.

There was silence for several minutes, all that could be heard was the ticking clock, the breaths and occasionally the water cooler. Until he spoke.

“I’m sorry, ” he looked at her with pleading eyes. “I didn’t mean to do what I did, or hurt you like that. ”

“You mean use me?” she said calmly.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I just wanted to clear a few things up before we go our separate ways if that's what you wish.”

“Ok, I’m listening. ”

“Your grades won't be affected. If your work is an A-plus, which it normally is, you will be awarded such. Even if the contract does not stand.  I will not purposely fail you so I can see you.” He put on his clean teacher's voice, strong, stern but warm and kind.

“Thank you.”

“The night you were drunk and rang me, that kid Daniel tried sleeping with you and nearly succeeded. I thought I should warn you before he tried again and you get hurt,” he said more softly.

“I can look after myself,” she said defensively and slightly more cold and clipped than she had intended.

This is not going well, he started squirming in his chair. Damn, why is it so hard? I’m just going to tell her.

“If you choose to accept my apology... I would love to start again and take you on a real date. ”

“I…” that was the last thing she expected him to say, she was in shock and lost for words.

She had missed what he said next but the clean “I Love You” cleared through all the fog of her mind and started ringing in her ears. She needed to go, she couldn’t handle this. He just said the words she never expected. She stood up and slammed the door behind her.

Leaving a confused Mulder in her wake.

[trashy-croud]

Nevada: Nevada Desert

Okay this level starts us off smack-bang in the middle of nowhere. At least it make you feel that way as you only find a small source of water, cacti and bushes around in this sandy wasteland. We encounter vultures once more along with snakes - although these snakes are far more different compared to the previous area we were in. Instead they are much smaller, but nonetheless do some damage despite their size.  We do some exploring to find a cave and to encounter our first secret of the level. Luckily there is only three in this level and finding them wasn’t as tedious as I would’ve thought of them being.

We basically did a drop of faith into barbed wire - dodging it only just, and encountering more snakes. Doing this enabled us to claim the first secret and oh god, was I thankful for the save crystal we got. We also got some flares and a small medi-pack. I felt like I was making a little collection of these because unlike the previous instalment, I’ve decided to actually try and not waste flare of medi-packs constantly. We’ll see how long it lasts. 

After claiming this secret and progressing forward. We stumbled upon a black box structure... thing. I suppose it was a container of some kind. We did different types of jumps to get over there, moving around in the upper levels of where we were only minutes ago. We got a whole new view of it all, and it felt very similar to how they would reference back to previous levels in the previous instalment, such as the Ice Palace where you could look onto the previous level. But rather than that here, we looked back on where we began in this level and interacted with it all in a much more different way. It was really nice.

After getting on top of this structure, I noticed there was a hole. And holes, mean jumping in. Without hesitation. There was a crap ton of hesitation from my end. I dangled and then felt like not doing it. It wasn’t until my dad loomed over my shoulder and made me jump that Lara would finally fall into the hole. We landed in water, which is all good, but it wasn’t good for my poor heart. 

After the swimming, we encountered a section that I have gotten stuck on multiple times. I cannot do precision jumping for the life of me as we were at a canyon, water beneath us so there shouldn’t be too much to worry about, right? Wrong, you jump on platforms and a vulture comes to great you and knocks you into the murky depths below. But that ain’t all, because he proceeded to do this several times. Purely because I couldn’t shoot and stay on the platform long enough to shoot him. My own fault, sure, but, let’s just push the blame onto the vulture just this once.

We managed the reach a climbable wall in this canyon but the way it was laid out reminded me of the Temple of Xian - just over the lava pit where the ladder splits halfway across so you can’t climb up the way you came. Sneaky, I must say, but it also meant that after I got the second secret that hid itself in a cubby by this ladder, I couldn’t climb up and carry on. So we had to make our way back up again. Oh how I started to loathe this because it takes me several attempts to even get back to where I was in the first place due to me pressing the wrong buttons or not timing my jumps very well.

Once we got back to where we were, we climbed up the ladder and made a couple more jumps, only to encounter another snake and a rather tricky situation. There is a hole in the ledge next to you, what do you think is the best thing to do? Jump into the hole? Oh, no, don’t do that. That’s a slippery slope to your demise and having to do it all over again. So we hang off the edge and let go before holding on again super quick and swinging across to the side. With some monkey bars and a ladder, we made it up to where we needed to be. We spotted a little lever with a boulder facing it - oh god another boulder trap. I thought we left those in India?! But there we spotted a cable leading down into the cave from the lever and being the nosy sod I am, I just had to follow it. So down we went to spot a big old box of T.N.T. I swear I sung “T.N.T.” by AC/DC throughout the rest of my time playing this level. It got stuck in my head for so long. We went back up to go activate it but we didn’t have a detonator key. So off we went to go find one, and this meant trekking up into the mouth of the waterfall. Y’know, where I fell in. A lot.

Reaching the entrance way of the cave, I decided to sacrifice a save crystal and began my journey further in, oh boy was it tedious. Sometimes Lara didn’t jump, other time she jumped too soon and I was about ready to lose it. But we finally made it and there was an overhang which we got to crawl under and find a ladder. Sneaky, very sneaky. Then I heard a snake hiss and the secret chime. Man, I was so ready for this, there was back flipping, snake killing and the works before we managed to pick up our set of uzis. Actually what I said wasn’t a hundred percent right. More like I back flipped, failed to land on the ledge, tried again, landed on it, got poisoned by the snake, killed it, wasted a medi-pack and then picked up the beloved uzis. I was an absolute fool.

After claiming the last secret of this level, which all were surprisingly close to one another, we managed to progress further on with this level. We encountered another snake as we left the overhang, and then encountered our first person of the Nevada levels. Or just in general if we ain’t counting Tony the Loon. If we are, he was the first man in this level we encountered. I was easy to deal with him as we also searched around a bit, before climbing up, I went to go check out the little cavern to the side, only to find a rather large drop which I wasn’t willing to jump into any time soon. There was also a save crystal which I picked up. I was thinking about going down but I knew my own luck was I would let go and fall to my demise. So I scratched that idea and instead went out to climb up the waterwheel and to explore more. Now I died a couple times in the water in the area we got to next. This is because, I hate swimming levels. Anything involving swimming, I cannot do for the life of me. This was no exception to that.

So there’s also some hidden levers, one which is in the other pool to get some items - I believe they were grenades? But then one in the passageway to actually make some progress. I didn’t know where it was at all and it wasn’t until I had died several times that I’d manage to actually find the switch. Totally didn’t press action at random to see if I could find anything. You can’t accuse me of doing that. You have no proof.

Anyway, all these switches and swimming led us to being able to divert the water towards the waterwheel and also enabled us to activate the elevator as we see a small cutscene of it coming up. This is where that side cave was and where the big drop was. Turns out that’s an elevator shaft. Learn something new everyday.

Making our way back to this elevator shaft, we found the detonator key sitting inside, as well as another man who seemed to think it was cool to hitch a ride in the elevator. Won’t blame him, though curse him for taking the easy route in there. So now came the challenge of getting back to the spot where the T.N.T. laid dormant. Eventually I gave up with attempting some jumps and instead let the water take me over the cliff and to climb my way back up again. You know, like the weakling I am. (Or as my sister says.)

As we got back to the detonator, we plunged it and had to jump quickly out of the way. Don’t think I forgot that boulder trap so quickly! No way was I forgetting it and letting that death loom over me. As we went into the caves to see the damage we’d done, I was quickly reminded of the T.N.T. in Natla’s Mines, during the first instalment of this series. Perhaps this was a throw back to that as it changed the environment we once new and would have to climb our way up and out. This is when my Dad decided to get involved.

I saved once more and would up outside some wire gates/walls, and my dad told me it’d be funny if I walked into it or touched them. That’s never a good sign, and my dad has clearly played this level and remembers some things about it because it all leads to death. Wire metal fences = death. They are electric and although I was a bit annoyed he got me to go into them, I was interested in the effect they used to show that Lara has been electrocuted. It almost looked magical-esque. It was a strange appearance, not that I’m complaining. I just haven’t seen Lara electrocuted before in the previous games, I mean we could in the first game with Thor’s room in St. Francis Folly, but it wasn’t that sort of effect. It was just interesting to see this slight difference and how they told the death apart from others, rather than just having her fall, the also gave that effect. I thought it was pretty neat so just ignore me if you’d like.

Anyway, after discovering it was electric, we went on searching around and found a crawl space, not only that, we could jump up to find a small area filled with water with two switches. I’m not sure what one of the switches did but the other opened another door. Ah, the switch to open a door, to pull another switch. You gotta love Tomb Raider games. After pulling all of the switches, we made our way to a water tank, after finishing off two guys who came charging towards us. This water tank helped us to get higher ground and to be able to jump into the compound that’d electrocute us if we tried to go in by any other means. Did you know that if the fences are electric, that electric current an pass through the metal switch on it? Funny that, ain’t it? So yes, we had a couple of deaths by electrocution during this part of the level. I mean, even accidentally touching it, this level showed me no mercy whatsoever!

We powered through, taking care of more guys in this compound and would finally make sure the fences were no longer electric from flipping an entirely different switch, hidden behind a keycard-locked door. Fun times. After this, we took the bike out and would finish the level by jumping over another fence with it!

This all triggered a cutscene in which Lara has knocked herself out, she got where she wanted but got a little injured in the process. The comments by the two guards referred to her as a “crazy geek freak” whereas the other suggests she’s an “eco-terrorist” but the first guard completely dismisses that idea as they take her away to the compound. And that’s it for this level. A very interesting level which paid homage to some of the things that they did in the previous games, that’s what it looked like to me at least, with the revisiting of somewhere we’ve been before but from a different view, and the use of T.N.T. changing the area we knew once before. It was a difficult level but we powered through. Now onto the next level - “High Security Compound”. Why is my dad laughing so much? Oh God, what’s coming next?!

[dazzlingfantasiesblogs]

Hurricane P54, P55, P56

Happy x Reader

Notes: SMUT. 18+ ONLY! Violence.

I miss you all so much!! I am starting to write things slowly. Lets see if I can upload more often! Remember I write on my Wattpad too. 

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/DazzlingFantasies

Following the boys in your Jeep you headed to Tacoma for a weekend. You enjoyed watching the cities leave your view as you drove threw Oregon. The trees passing by. You played your music loud as Kozy sat in the passengers side, his head out the window.

Pulling into a gas station, you lined up your Jeep and hopped out. Paying for gas, you lined up the nozzle and started to pour it in. Leaning against the jeep, you seen Kozy sleeping comfortable in the back. His legs moving slightly at a dream of him hunting something. "Babe!" you looked over to Happy walking over with some water and an iced coffee. You smiled taking the items, nourishing your self with ice cold coffee. "How is the drive on the bike?" you looked over to Happy pride and joy. "Hot." You chuckled a bit. Kozik walking out with a bottle of water, following you and Happy to the Jeep. "You ok if Lily meets us later?" honestly, you wanted it to just be you and your boys. You knew however that there was going to be changes when it came to Lily and Kozik getting married. "Sure, then she can see our stomping grounds." You smiled.

Arriving to Tacoma, you drove to a cabin you often rented from Ronnie. The only trade off was that he got to design a tattoo for you, and you happily obliged. Opening the Cabin door, taking in a deep breath you enjoyed the feeling of tranquility. You could hear Kozys nails clicking on the dark mahogany floors as he padded his way over to the bed Ronnie got for him when you would stay at the cabin. "You ok babygirl?" Happy pressed himself against your back, kissing your cheek." "Yeah, it is so good to be home." Happy felt both sadness and relief from that statement. Did you hate charming that bad? You felt his body flex and tense. Turning around you looked at Happy in the eyes. "My home, is where you are. I enjoy Charming, however Tacoma is where we first met." Happy smiled down at you, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. Kozik came into the cabin, carrying his suitecase. Walking to his room, he disappeared. Making yourself comfortable in the main masterbedroom, you changed into a swimsuit top and some black shorts over your bikini bottoms. Trailing back to the main room, you looked around for your boys that had disappeared. Walkingto the refrigerator, it was full of your favorite liquars. Grabbing a beer, you headed outside. Happy and Kozik where down at the dock, getting the boat in the water. "Wanna go fishing sis?" nodding, you started to walk down the steps to the lake below. Walking into the shed, you seen your fishing pole sitting on the rack. You grabbed two more of them and your tackle box. Happy was untakngling the rope from the boat to the dock. His shirt was off, leaving him in his black swim trunks with the reaper on the side. You had those custom made for him years ago. "Here Brother." Kozik grabbed his fishing pole and tackle. "When is Lily getting here?" "Not for a few hours." "Shit.. we need to pack.." Happy held up a cooler. You smirked seeing it full of beer and snacks. Stepping into the boat, you whistled for Kozy. She ran down the stairs, and jumped into the boat, sitting next to you in the drivers seat. Kozik getting in, sitting in the back. Happy pushed the boat out, and hopped over, causing the boat to jostle a bit. Starting the boat up, you backed up a bit and headed deep into the lake. The wind flowing through you shorter hair, cooling the warm sun that beat down on your skin, causing a slight shiver.

After getting to a spot you felt comfortable, Kozik dropped the anchor. Going though your tackle, you slid a minnow on the hook. Silently thanking him for his sacrifice for you to catch a bigger fish. Sitting back, you casted the line out, the bobber floating on top of the water. The bobber rippled when Kozik and Happy threw there line in, sitting back, relaxing. Hearing bottles clank, Happy handed you a beer. Taking a sip you groaned in pleasure from the bubbly taste. The sun beat down on your skin more, you body soaking the in the vitamins. This was heaven on earth. "Oh shit! Sis guess Lily is here early!" you looked over to Kozik and tried to force your best smile. "Ok..." you slowly reeled in your fishing line. Happy frowned seeing your tell tale signs of irritation. After all, it was usually because of him. After driving back to the dock, Kozik got out. "Are you not coming up?" you nodded no. "You can if you want Happy." "No, gunna stay with my girl." Kozik could tell you where pissed off, he took it as things where hard and tried not too look too much into it.

Driving the boat back away from the dock, you sighed with nothing but irritation. "You know that Lily will be in his life forever right?" You glared at Happy. He needed to just be quite so you could sort the attitude issues you where having. Your dad and your mother where 'working' things out. Lorenzo betrayed you and now you felt like Kozik was leaving you too. "Can you hand me another beer please?" Nodding, Happy reached over and grabbed another bottle from the cooler. Twisting the cap off, he handed it to you, watching you chug it and drive at the same time. "He is not leaving you. Out of everyone in your life, Kozik would be the last person to ever, and I mean EVER walk away from you Y/N. "Yeah, funny.. Kozik said the same thing about Lorenzo." you sighed slowing the boat down. Shutting it off, you walked to the back of the boat and dropped the anchor. "Why are we stopping here?" Happy looked around. "It is shady here. The crappies like shady areas. That is my favorite type of fish." Nodding he grabbed your fishing pole and handed it to you. Opening the small container of leeches, you slid one on your hook and casted it out to the water.

An hour past and you caught three fish. Happy catching one and then laid down on the front of the boat with his head in your lap as you constantly casted your line. The clouds started to cover the sun and the blue sky. "IT is going to storm" you whispered. "How can you tell?" you chuckled a bit. "The fish get more frantic when it storms, fishing is better in the rain usually. Let's go in and start a fish fry. I think I need to apologize to Kozik." Happy grinned and got off of you. Jumping back into the main part of the boat, you sat in the drivers seat and carried on.

The rain started to poor hard as you got to the dock. You and Happy slipping as you got on it. You tied up the boat quickly and grabbed your fishing poles. Hiking up to the cabin, you smelt some food being cooked or wood burning. Holding the fish on the hooks, you seen smoke coming out of the chimney. "Hmm maybe fish fry will have to wait." Walking into the cabin you hurd moaning. "Yes! Kozik!" Walking back out the door your fake puked. Happy chuckled shutting the screen door too. "What do you wanna do? I am guessing not to go in there?" shaking your head no, you grabbed your switch blade and sat down at the table on the porch. Luckily the porch was  covered as you took the fish off the hook. "I am going to fillet the fish. Put them out of their misery." Happy nodded and sat on the chair next to you. You took your blade gently and ended the fishes life quickly and painlessly. Happy followed your movements and helping you with the other fish. "Funny how you pay respects to a fish, yet none to a dead body." You spoke quietly. "Most of the bodies I deal with, do not earn respect." Happy said bluntly.  After successfully filleting the fish you seen Kozik walk out wide eyed. "Shit.. ah... how long have you two been out here?" "Yes! Kozik!" Happy mocked Lily. Kozik slid his hand over his face. You chuckled at Happy sounding like a girl. "Sorry.. thought you two would be fishing longer... I did not realize it was raining.." "Kozik.. it is storming." you chuckled as lighting danced in the sky. "Shit.. Well..." "It is all good brother. I am sure you walked in on Happy and I one too many times." Koziks grimaced at the thought. "Oh shut up." you threw a bloody towel at him.

After showering and putting on pajama pants and a tank top you started to heat up some oil to fry the fish. "Sis.." looking behind you, you seen Kozik looking down. "I am sorry.. I Should have not invited Lily.." you turned all the way towards Kozik. "No.. I should have not been such a bitch. After all, she is family now." Kozik gave a slight smile. You walked over, hugging him tightly. HE pressed a kiss to the top of your wet hair on your head. "You know, you will always be my number one girl sis." He smiled down at you. "You will always be my number one guy!"

You started to lay the beer battered fish into the oil one by one. Every so often chopping up potatoes to make homemade fries. Feeling hands slide down your hips and lips against you neck, the smirk riding your face. "Hello baby.." "The fish looks great. How are you feeling? Calm down at all?" Happys raspy voice echoed in your ears. "Yes.." "Hey you two, can you not fuck in the kitchen while Lily and I are in the dining room..?" You looked back at Kozik and smirked. "Shall Happy replay his "Oh Kozik!!" From earlier?" Looking over at Lily her face got extremely red. "Don't worry Lily, we mess with each other all the time. Poor Kozik has walking in on Happy and I more than I think he would like too." "NEVER. I NEVER WANT TO WALK IN ON YOU TWO AND YOUR KINKY KNIFE PLAY!!"

"Don't move baby..." the sweat beaded on your forehead as you felt the cool steel blade run over your warm skin. Happy slid his hand between your thighs running his fingers over your soaking folds. "Please.." gasping for him to just run this rough fingers over your sensitive nub. Clenching your eyes shut, you kept begging the man to give into you. To get you off like he always did. Your flexed your hips up to push into his hand. You felt the knife slightly pierce the skin. The pain and pleasure devowering you in the most delicious of ways. Happy had no intent to pierce the skin, but something about seeing the red blood bubble form on his skin made him snap. He hurt you and the instant protectiveness kicked in. You watched Happy jump a bit as it upsetted him. You where sadistic and you knew it. You ran your pointer finger over the small droplet of blood and smirked. "Don't stop.." you whispered.. "The blood only makes it hotter." Happy loved the devious side of you. He would never say you where twisted. However,,, you where twisted in the best of ways. Happy threw the blade to the side, sliding down his boxers. He bit your neck roughly sliding deep into you. "Fuck... how are you this wet?... Hmm..." Your finger nails pierced his back as you screamed out in pleasure. "Take it all...baby.." "Hey sis do you..." Kozik swung open the door seeing a knife next to the bed with some small red lines on your stomach. "KOZIK GET OUT!!" you screamed pushing Happy off of you, covering yourself in the light blue sheets.

You laughed hard thinking about that time, also making you think dirty thoughts to follow. "Sis.. please.. not here..." you felt your phone vibrate on your hip. The name read "Lorenzo" you sighed putting it on silent. You finished with the fish and fries, plating them on big platters and put them on the table. "Let's eat all!" you smiled over to Kozik and Lily. Everyone sat down at the table engaged in conversation. You felt a slight sharp sensation glide on your thigh. You looked around and then under the table. Happy slid the serraded blade slightly over you theigh. Stealing a glance at you Happy smirked. "Isnt that right Y/N?" your looked up nodding, having no clue what was said. "Defiantly." A fake smile littered your face feeling the sharp edge of the knight glide higher up your thigh towards you core. "Mm, sis this fish is soo good!!" Kozik shoved a piece of the battered fish into his mouth. "Be careful so you don't burn yourself hunny.." Lily looked at her reckless fiancé. "Kozik cant feel much on his tongue since we dared him to drink a bottle of hotsauce." Happy shrugged popping a fry into his mouth setting the blade on your thigh you felt his fingers rub through your pajama pants. The glide of his fingers causing you to suck in a sharp breath you tried to cover by coughing. "Babe, you ok..?" Happy looked over at you. His eyes dilated completely. Nodding you ate another fry and piece of fish. "I was going to take Lily to the ice cream place in town. You guys wanna go with?" "No we are ok." Happy spoke up. "Can I take your jeep sis?" nodding your pointed to the keys on the bar counter.

Hearing the Jeep slowly disappear you stood up going to clear off the plates. "Oh no... I am not letting you clean..." you felt your feet not touching the ground anymore. "Happy..?" "Come on.. need to be in you... NOW.." when it came to Happy and his horneyness you never knew when it would strike. However he must have had the same thought of you... Sharp blades and orgasming was always fun.

“Sick of being surrounded by everyone..” The feeling of his lips slid against your neck. “Happy… They will be back any minute..” his smirk was felt, tickly you neck slightly. “No.. I told Kozik we needed a few things..” Without warning you felt your shorts being pushed down your legs, a hitch in Happys breath as he felt your skin against his hands. “My girl.. only my girl..”  His voice seemed different, like he was hungry for you “Babe.. what is wrong?” Happy looked at you slightly and sighed “Lorenzo hurting you, your dad hurting you, I have hurt you.. I just… It has been messing with my head.” “Happy, these last few months have been a roller coaster. The only thing that has kept my head straight is you… and…” reaching your hand against his jeans, your rubbed his hard cock. “Fuck…” Happy sighed in your neck. “Help me forget everything…” The plead could not be unhurd. Happy grabbed your hands and slammed them against the bed. “I will make you forget baby… I promise..” Feeling his rough hands under your shirt, sliding off your bra. His lips went straight to your nipples. He couldn’t hold himself back from forcing your hands against the bed. You where ready for what he was going to give you. “Sis, Hap! It started to storm again. We are back.” “Mother fucker!” Happy growled against you cleavage. With a slight sigh, you slid you shirt over your chest. The opened “Oh shit sorry you two..” “I fucking gave you $100 to find something to do…” Happy groaned louder. “Sorry bro… It started raining and we came home to the cabin..” “I want to fuck your sister into oblivion. Is it too much to ask?” Kozik made a sour face, walking out of the room. “Lets go sweety, we can find a different time to do it.

[athena-karras]

Prompt 54: Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out.  (Bill Weasley x F! Reader)

The scent of open bottles of iced pumpkin juice, freshly turned soil, and the previously sun-dried large flannel blanket you laid on tickled your nose while a symphony of crickets in the surrounding tall sea of grass played. On your lips and tongue lingered the taste of Bill Weasley, who like you, laid naked under the canopy of stars and heavy full moon.

This night had been like most nights that summer… well the past two summers if you were being truly honest. Once Bill has graduated from Hogwarts, you had been without the frequent kisses you two often stole between classes and the dark hours spend at the edge of the Forbidden Forrest had become an almost painful memory while you pushed on with classes. Luckily, however, he has written to you what seemed like every other day and when the end of your 6th year came, the letter arrived.

“Will you spend some of your holiday at The Burrow?”

After getting permission from your parents, who adored Bill, you accepted.

His mother, Molly, fussed about the moment you arrived and from that day on had seemed to unofficially adopt you as a new member of her family.  The woman had a way of making you feel as if you were truly her very own daughter with the way she prodded about our studies, future plans, and had even taught you her tricks around the kitchen when Bill went off to his apprenticeship at Gringotts.

Like this summer, you shared a room with his youngest sibling, Ginny, who like her mother had seemed to accept you into the family. Perhaps one of the best things about her though was she had no problem surely pretending to be asleep whenever you would sneak from the room late at night and join her oldest brother for a few hours. This year, however, you were officially graduated from Hogwarts, and now the summer between you two could go on for as long as you desired.

“What are you thinking about?” Bill asked, pulling you from your daze as he wrapped his firm arms around you. Reaching up to play with the loose locks of his red hair, you turned your body into his, nuzzling into his chest.

“I’m thinking about how happy am,” You grinned, your hand now tracing down to his neck, “And how much I’d like another bottle of that pumpkin juice.” Bill kissed the top of your head, giving your hair a quick ruffle before pulling on his dark button up shirt and pants and reaching into the small ice filled cauldron only a few feet away,

“Aww,” You frowned playfully when he handed you the last unopened cold bottle, “I was enjoying the view.”  Taking a deep swig, you also put your own clothes back on, noticing that Bill didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time you did so.

“I can’t have you getting tired of me, can I?” He said, taking a small sip of the juice, “Plus, I think I’m the one who gets to look at the better view.” Bill always had a way of doing this; To look and touch at every scar, freckle, or “imperfection,” and make you feel like you were an artistic masterpiece. He put his arm around you, this time kissing the top of your head.

“Never,” You replied, “I could never get tired of you. But I guess I will get to see more when we go to Shell Cottage.”

“Exactly,” Bill murmured into your hair, his willowy fingers caressing your shoulder. “I’ve been wanting to bring you there for a long time. I used to… well all of us used to go there during the summers. When I was a kid I swore I would live there one day.”

“I can only imagine what you were like as a little boy,” You teased after finishing off the last of the pumpkin juice, “I’m sure you drove your poor mum mad.” Bill laughed at this and shook his head, but his ears turned a bright shade of scarlet proving that you were right.

“Nah, that was all Charlie, and the twins. They started with their mischief as soon as they could lift their heads up.”

“Liar,” Giving him a playful nudge, your fingers touched his hot ears. “They always give you away. Let’s hope that you never have to lie on your job because you’d be ousted instantly.”

“That, or I’ll just keep my hair long. Now that is something that will drive Mum crazy.”  Bill began to gather the several bottles of pumpkin juice and butterbeer that you two had drank, as well as a half-eaten pumpkin pasty that had been split and placed them in the small cauldron.

“Well, I like it; Your ears, and your hair.” Bill helped you up from the blanket, being sure to place a kiss on your forehead, as he frequently did, and with a wave of his wand had the blanket neatly folded up in the cauldron.

“I love everything about you,” He grinned, but his blue eyes became solemn and bore in your own with an intensity that you were sure would have scared off an army of Dementors. “I mean it,” He continued on, one of his free hands starting to stroke ends of your hair, “I love you, all of you. I don’t want anything to ever come between us. My job, us getting older, anything.”

“Bill…” You began as your brows started to furrow together, but the somber look in his eyes stopped you.

“You’re my best friend, my everything. I want us to always be together. I want…” Bill looked away, pulling his hand from you. His other hand fumbled around in his pocket as he let out a frustrated grunt. “I’m an idiot.”

This time you couldn’t help but laugh and you took his face in your hands. He truly seemed to get more handsome every time you looked at him, and he was yours, and you were his.

“Not at all,” You said with a slight smirk at seeing your normally cool and collected lover in such a tizzy. While you were dying to know what was on his mind, you knew he would tell you once he was ready. Secrets were foreign to the both of you. “You are wonderful, handsome, smart, and the farthest thing from an idiot. It is you and me together, and we always will be, I promise.”

“You’ve no idea how much that means right now.” He smirked, a look of relief washing over his gentle face. His hand still fumbled around in his pocket, a habit you weren’t used to seeing from him, and from a brief look you managed to steal, it looked as if there was something besides his hand in the pocket.  

“What’s that?”

Again, Bill’s ears became crimson and he pulled his hand out, holding nothing.

“I tell you what, I’ll show it to you in the morning before we start to pack for the cottage. Deal?”

In truth, you were more than just a little curious to know what was setting Bill so on edge, but for now, you decided to settle.

“Deal,” You agreed with a nod of your head before you let out a small yawn. “I’m getting tired anyway.”

The two of you gathered the last of your things, piling them into the cauldron, Bill insisting he carry it back to the Burrow which was several yards away. Your fingers interlaced with his during the walk back and little more was spoken until you arrived back home. To your surprise, Molly and Arthur were both in the kitchen despite the late hour, each holding a cup of tea. Molly especially wore a bright expression, but her own face seemed to be fighting itself in an effort to make it appear neutral.

“I’m sorry,” You began to say, “I hope we didn’t cause any alarm.”

“Oh no, of course not, dear!” The grin on her face suddenly began to melt, however, when Bill walked in behind you. Quickly turning, you could have sworn you saw a shaking movement from his head from out the corner of your eye, but it was too fast to be sure.  It felt like there was some sort of inside joke or secret that they all knew but had decided not to make you privy to. Arthur cleared his throat, looking back and forth between you and Bill.

“Molly and I just wanted a spot of tea before going to bed. Decided to go on a late-night picnic, then? You two need to start packing soon for Shell Cottage don’t you?”

“We do!” You nodded, although you still couldn’t shake the awkward feeling in your belly. You had never felt this around the Weasleys, Molly especially who doted on you as if you were her own daughter.

“Well, don’t let us keep you then, we’ll also be to bed soon.” Arthur replied, looking over your shoulder at Bill. “Your mum and I would like to just have a talk with you quickly if we could, son. Ran into Claudia Cooper today.”

Claudia Cooper you knew to be Bill’s main boss at Gringotts, a strict but talented witch, he had said, and one who took a sharp eye on his budding career. Was this that could be what had Bill acting so strange earlier? Was his job on the line, but he couldn’t find the words to tell you?  Whatever it was, they clearly wanted to talk about it as a family before bringing you in the picture.

“Oh, um, I’ll just grab a shower and head to bed then. Good night Bill, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.”

“Good night Dear.” Molly said, Bill throwing you a soft, yet still somber smile as you went up the stairs.

O.o.O

You were sure you fell asleep before your head had even hit the pillow, but as easy as it had come, sleep did not stay with you. For most of the night you had tossed and turned until you could stand it no more. You were not sure how much time had passed, minutes, and hour, or three, but the only sound in The Burrow you could pick up was the gentle whistling of Ginny’s nose as she slept.

“Jealous.” You thought as a grumble emitted from your belly. As it turned out, a few bites of a pumpkin pasty weren’t enough to settle an empty stomach but was indeed enough to keep you up. “There should still be some buns or something from dinner last night. Just something to hold me over.”

Taking great care not to wake Ginny, you silently rose from your bed, painfully being slow with her creaking door, and started to tip toe downstairs. Telling from the now dark navy sky, you guessed that you had only managed two hours of sleep. Silently chastising yourself for the wreck you’d surely be today, you were stopped by the hushed tones of Molly and Arthur, both still at the kitchen table. You froze, silently debating on your next move. True, you were hungry, but whatever had kept them awake until know what clearly too important to interrupt over a loud belly. Still, the nosy side of you suggested to nestle into the dark corner at the top of the stairs and listen to what they were saying.

“I’m not doing that to them,” You resolved until the next moment, you heard your name on Molly’s lips.

“He loves her Arthur, and she’s a good girl that is clearly just as crazy about him. That’s what we should be wanting for our son. Not some dangerous lifestyle!”

You curled yourself into the tightest ball you could manage as your butt became well acquainted with the wood floor and the shadows that cloaked you.

“I’m not saying I don’t want that. I do. It’s just that… he’s so young and has this opportunity handed to him on a silver plate. Egypt Molly, Egypt. Cooper didn’t have to tell me that this is a once in a lifetime offer for this job, even I know that. If he turns this down, Bill could be disenchanting disgruntled tea kettles for the rest of his career.”

“If that is what makes him happy!”

There was the sound of a teacup clanking angrily against its saucer that it was enough to almost make you spring from your shape.

“Bill was offered a job in Egypt… and didn’t tell me about it?” You murmured. No, there had to be some mistake, there were NO secrets between you two, especially not when it came to Bill’s dream job of being a curse breaker.

“Molly, it won’t make him happy, please, you know our son. He’s in love, but-”

“How can you say that? He was going to propose to her tonight and he’s going to do it this morning once we leave. If she calms Bill down into a more domestic life than I am for that Arthur. I don’t want our firstborn hopping around in ancient ruins and getting himself killed! For all we know, Claudia Cooper is just angry and wants to send Bill away because she doesn’t care for him clearly being the next in line for her job.”

“Cooper has taken Bill under her wing since the day he walked into the Bank. You know that. Molly, I adore Y/N, I do. I couldn’t have picked a better wife for him, but he has wanted this since he was a boy, despite our best efforts. Gringotts isn’t hiring on and she has no experience yet so it isn’t like she can just go with him. Bill isn’t taking the job in Egypt because he doesn’t want it, he isn’t taking it because of her. This is his dream Molly; his dream and he is letting it go for her.”

Your head began to spin as the bitter taste of iron laden saliva filled your mouth. Your stomach turned itself inside out and right side in back and forth so many times that if it had not been for the awkward explanation that would have had to follow, you’d have vomited. Although, truth be told, you had awoken several times these past two weeks with an ill stomach and a dizzy head but thought nothing of it. Slowly, you started to crawl from your spot and back into your bed.

“Bill, Bill… why didn’t you tell me?” Your head repeated this several times as Mr. Weasley’s words rang through your head as loud as a bell.

“This is his dream Molly; his dream and he is letting it go for her.”

You always knew Bill had wanted to be the very best curse-breaker since the day you had met him, hell, it was sometimes all he had spoken about during school. And he was throwing away his dream…for you.  What had Molly said… Bill had meant to propose?  Tears started to swell up in your eyes and as tempting as they were to spill into your pillow, Ginny began to stir and the last thing you wanted was to answer questions you didn’t have answers to.

Mr. Weasley had been right, there would be no place for you in Egypt, especially with your parents being as old as they were and your lack job skills from being a fresh graduate, all you would be is a burden.

“I can’t let him do this, I won’t let him give up his dreams for me.”

You would leave in the morning as soon as day broke, before Bill had a chance to propose.  You wouldn’t ruin his life, especially not for you. As you fought the tears and pounding headache, the words you never thought you’d have to say to him played out in your head. It would be easier if he hated you, a cleaner break, but no matter how many scenarios you thought of, the idea of hurting him tore you apart. That was, until, the memory of Bill first telling you his dream of being a top Curse Breaker sneaked to your mind.

“I’m going to make something of myself one day. I’ll find the oldest treasures, break the most powerful curses, and travel the world.”

Swearing, you buried your head in your pillow, tears soaking the soft fabric when they broke free from your eyes. It was the way things would have to be; Time had run out on you both, life had that nasty habit, and it was time to let him go, to let Bill live.

O.o.O

When you awoke, your nose was raw and crusted into your pillow. Your eyes were still sealed as well, and it took a rather embarrassing amount of effort to pry them open.

“No, no, no!” You gasped, realizing your mistake in falling asleep. You neck twisted uncomfortably to Ginny’s bed, your belly dropping when you saw it empty. The whole family, of course, including Bill, was surely already awake, which ruined your original plan of simply sneaking out and dropping him an owl. You’d have to face him.

With a wave of your wand you would fill the empty basin besides your bed with warm water and took great care in washing your face. You were meticulous and slow in doing every could to delay going downstairs and facing your nightmare that YOU would have to create. After pulling on a simple, yet comfortable, set of clothing, and running a trembling comb through your hair, you sluggishly made your way out of the room. The Burrow was silent, save for the chimes of the family grandfather clock and the clucking of chickens from outside, which filled you with the brief hope that perhaps that whole family had gone out and left you to sleep.

“Maybe there is still a chance.”

Still, your feet dragged as they trudged down the stairs into the dining room. The moment it came into full view, your heart seemingly dropped into your belly with a single thud.

The whole room had been stunningly decorated with silver strands of twinkling lights that hung from the rafters reminding you of the stars that you and Bill has spent so many nights under. Tiny bouquet of bluebells had been entwined in the wooden columns and held together with more silver bells of light. It was all a very intricate and surely complicated enchantment and the wizard who had assuredly spent hours making sure it was all perfect looked at you with a wide grin before saying your name.

Bill wore his best robes; A deep purple velvet that was fitted perfectly to his body. His shoulder length hair had been brushed and smoothed back and tied in a loose ponytail revealing the sharp high cheekbones that you had run your lips across countless times. He was nothing short of utterly beautiful. Again, your name came across his full lips, and it was almost enough to make your resolve melt.

“Bill…” You muttered, feeling yourself involuntarily pull back to the first step. Using all your resolve to keep your eyes from his, they instead fell to the incredible decorations that he had charmed, and tears once again threatened to fall.

“I’m sorry if it flashy, I just wanted to make sure it was perfect. I tried to get it to look like our spot in the Forbidden Forest.” Bill let out an uncharacteristic nervous chuckle, his eyes unable to look away from you. His ears were already beginning to turn the scarlet red they always became when he was nervous, and his hands began to fumble with a blue box that you’d somehow failed to notice earlier.

“Where is everyone?” It was all you could manage to say, the words you had rehearsed somehow seemed to have up and vanished in the emotional fog of your mind. Bill’s grin grew, his willowy fingers still fidgeting with the box.

“They went to Diagon Alley. I asked Mum and Dad if they wouldn’t mind giving us an hour or two. Turns out there was some shopping they had to do… and I needed that hour to ask you something.”

Finally, you allowed yourself to look into Bill’s blue eyes and almost instantly you regretted it. Countless nights had been spend being held in his arms and gazing into his deep eyes. They had always been a source of comfort but now…now all they caused was pain.

“Bill, please…whatever you are going to ask, don’t.” Your tongue buzzed and your lips became numb as the smile started to drop from his gentle face.  His hands finally stopped toying with the box and his brow arched.

“What…what do you mean?” It wasn’t like Bill to stammer. Even in the face of the Cursed Vaults he had always remained cool and in control but now he almost resembled Ben Copper for a few brief moments.

“All of this,” You answered pointing to the lights and flowers, “You can’t ask me whatever you’re planning.” Your eyes focused on his mouth as you found you no longer had the emotional strength to see the confusion in his eyes. If you were to do this, you needed every ounce of control you could muster.

“I.. I am…I was going to ask you to marry-”

“No.” It has come out harder and louder than you had intended but if he had finished, you knew you couldn’t hold out. “You need to live the life you wanted. The life you promised yourself…please.”

“No…?” Bill repeated looking down at the box, “I don’t understand.”

“I’m leaving today Bill.”

“What?” Bill placed the box on the table, the top opening. His long hands reached out to yours, but you were quick to pull them away. “Leaving? Where? What’s happened?”

“We happened,” You replied crossing your arms, “Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out. I don’t want to throw my life away on some silly teenage romance. School is over, the summer will be over soon, and I need to focus on what I want to do with my life. Marrying you was never part of that. This,” You pointed to the decorations, your eyes now firmly focused on the dark tie Bill wore. “All of this. It is too much. Way too much for something like us. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to gather my things and get my life together.”

You turned on your heel wanting to run as far away from him as possible. An ocean could have appeared between you both and still you would have felt too close to the boy who was first in your heart. He said your name again, his voice low and unwavering, but you knew him well enough to know that his heart was breaking. This was enough to finally force you to face him. His eyes were heavy but his brows furrows, any color on his pale face had drained.

“How long have you felt like this?”

“Long enough, Bill. I’m sorry if I lead you to believe this was more than what it was. I’m going to get my things.”

You didn’t remember going up the stairs, packing your things, or casting the weightlessness charm on your trunk. Your stomach turned with the same nausea that had plagued you the past weeks, but you paid it no mind. Whatever this bug seemed to be; you were sure it would pass, and you wanted to leave before any of the Weasley’s came home or worse… falling to your knees and apologizing.

[sickfic-with-kiko]

In-denial sick (and eventually super pukey) Akaashi very very slowly goes from “I don’t get sick.” or “I have a stomach of steel.” to reluctantly admitting to Bokuto “I think I’m going to be sick soon.” or “Something’s messing with my stomach.” or “I don’t feel so hot.” after being super nauseous for a long time and trying to ignore it. Bonus points if he eats a meal to try and demonstrate how not sick he is, and ends up throwing it back up an hour or so later

Hi!! This is me again. I loved filling in this ask! I actually merged this ask with a request I got from AO3, which went like this:

Can you write a fic where Akaashi gets sick, like a very high fever, but

he ignores it and still goes to training. But it comes as it must come:

Akaashi is too sick to continue playing and passes out during practice.

Cue worried team mates and fluff

Work under the cut!

Akaashi noticed dizziness and abnormal fatigue as he headed to practice. He always picked up on the changes in his body, taking note of what felt right and what didn’t. The result of his self-checkup was clear; he was sick. His body was too cold and his head was too warm. It was the telltale sign of a fever.

“Akaashi, toss to me! You said you’d give me twenty today!” Bokuto demanded his attention loudly, jumping around the court and hurling volleyballs against the wall. It was typical Bokuto behaviour that Akaashi had grown fond of.

Akaashi resisted the urge to groan. “All right. I did say that. Come on, Bokuto-san.” He swallowed the warm spit gathering in his mouth. His stomach was turning, making it very clear that no part of his body liked him today.

He threw the ball in the air for Bokuto spike, fighting the urge to slump down onto the floor. He was all right. He was going to act like nobody should worry for him, because it was the truth. He didn’t need to be fussed over.

So, why was he laying on the gymnasium floor like some idiot?

“Oh my god! Akaashi, are you all right?!”

He could hear Bokuto swearing above him. He’d fallen without knowing mid-toss, and he found that he liked the cool surface of the gymnasium quite a bit. It quelled the boiling heat inside his head.

I’m fine, he tried to say. But it wasn’t working. He felt like throwing up, until strong hands lifted him off the ground and into the air. Akaashi let out a whine at the sudden loss of contact with the cold floor, and pressed his head into the nearest surface instead.

A familiar smell wrapped around him, comforting and warm. “Bokuto-san?” Akaashi realised Bokuto was carrying him like he weighed nothing. “I’m fine. I’m all right, Bokuto-san. I don’t get sick.”

“Shut up, Akaashi. You’re burning up. I’m gonna take you home.”

Akaashi knew Bokuto wouldn’t take no for an answer. “All right. Please don’t drop me, Bokuto-san.” He pleaded weakly, holding onto Bokuto tighter and making himself comfortable.

Luckily for them, Akaashi didn’t live that far away from Fukurodani High. Bokuto could carry him and both of their bags while taking him home, and aside from being jostled about, it wasn’t all that uncomfortable.

“Is there anyone home?” Bokuto asked, and Akaashi shook his head. His head was pounding from the fever, and he was sure he was drenching Bokuto with his sweat. He had to apologize about that later. His entire body felt like it was floating inside a bubble.

“I would appreciate it if you stayed around, Bokuto-san.” It was the closest Akaashi would get to admitting that he needed him. His face was flushed an unhealthy crimson, his breaths coming in exhausted pants.

When they got into Akaashi’s house, Akaashi could barely make it across the hallway before he collapsed. “Up you get. Come on.” Bokuto coaxed him into a standing position, almost fully carrying him up the stairs. It was a miracle neither of them fell down.

Bokuto located Akaashi’s room and laid him on the bed, placing the covers over him tentatively. “Does it hurt anywhere? Do you want an ice pack?” He fussed, placing a hand over his forehead. Not an accurate way of measuring a fever, Akaashi thought to himself.

“I’m just tired and hot. Or cold. I don’t even know, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi mumbled through his delirium, his vision cloudy with fever. Bokuto’s face was distorted, and the room was rocking back and forth in his field of vision.

“Do you think you can eat anything? I’ll make something for you.” Bokuto offered. “I’m gonna be borrowing your kitchen!”

Before Akaashi could give him an answer, Bokuto bounced out of his room in a hurry. His heart warmed up at the thought of Bokuto clumsily making him soup or rice gruel, although his stomach wasn’t sure about how much it liked that idea.

No. Akaashi had a stomach of steel. He wasn’t going to throw up, he was sure of it. He was the one bringing Konoha water and rubbing Bokuto’s back while he puked his guts out when everyone came down with the stomach flu.

He swallowed back the warm spit that gathered in his mouth. He felt nauseous, but that was from the fever. Pulling the covers closer to his face, Akaashi closed his eyes and attempted to sleep.

His stomach was uncomfortably hot, and the contents of it were churning around unpleasantly. Every so often, his cheeks would swell with the force of a hiccup. His upper stomach was tight, squeezing so much that he thought his organs were clenching.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi called out weakly. His body was achy, and his throat was dried up. He wanted a drink, and he couldn’t get out of bed on his own. “Bokuto-san. Please, come here.”

To his surprise, Bokuto had heard his hoarse voice. “Akaashi! You needed something? I’ll get you anything!” He grinned, smelling slightly of rice and soup broth.

“I’m thirsty.”

Akaashi didn’t have to wait long before Bokuto came back with a bottle of water. “If there’s anything else you need, just tell me, okay? I’ll be in the kitchen, so just give me a shout.”

Akaashi nodded, taking careful sips of the water. His stomach growled angrily, but he was adamant on keeping it down. The water soothed his throat going down, and a third of the bottle was gone in under a minute.

His stomach was uncomfortably heavy from the water, and he could feel it sitting inside him. He didn’t understand. He was meant to feel better after hydrating himself, and yet his head felt like a fireball was swimming inside.

He attempted to sleep the sickness off, as a distraction to the growing discomfort in his stomach. He wished Bokuto could hold his hand while he nodded off, but he knew he couldn’t ask more from him. He’d already done so much.

“Akaashi, you awake?”

Bokuto tapped Akaashi’s cheek, and Akaashi responded with a grunt. He could smell something warm and delicious, and cracked his eyes open to see what it was. Bokuto had a tray of food with him, with a wooden bowl of rice gruel sitting on it.

“I made you something to eat. Do you think you can manage?” Bokuto asked, setting the food down for Akaashi. “Do you need me to feed you?”

Akaashi shook his head, grabbing the wooden spoon. “That won’t be necessary, Bokuto-san.” He could eat by himself. He didn’t need help. He opened up the lid of the wooden bowl, which revealed soft cooked rice and vegetables sitting inside. Bokuto was a better cook than Akaashi would ever be, as much as he hated to admit.

Akaashi spooned the rice gruel into his mouth, chewing the vegetables bursting with flavour. The gruel had a hint of soy sauce added to it, and Akaashi would have eaten the entire bowl if he wasn’t sick.

“If you’re not feeling good, don’t push yourself, okay?” Bokuto peered into Akaashi’s flushed face, worried. “Just eat as much as you think you can handle.”

“I’m fine, Bokuto-san. It tastes very good, thank you.”

Bokuto’s face lit up. “Really?”

Akaashi nodded. He continued on eating, as if to prove he wasn’t feeling sick. His stomach was growling quietly, but he pretended not to notice. It was only a fever, although it was taking a lot out of him.

“Thanks for the meal.” Akaashi suppressed a burp as he finished the last mouthful. The meal made him feel stuffed to the brim, and he could feel it in his throat. “I think I might go back to sleep.”

Bokuto hummed, brushing Akaashi’s fringe with his fingers. “Try and get some sleep. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Akaashi closed his eyes, holding Bokuto’s hand to distract himself from the tight feeling in his stomach. His stomach cramped periodically, sending waves of pain through his midsection.

Although Akaashi didn’t realise, he must have been gripping Bokuto harder when a cramp shot into him. “Akaashi, you okay? Does it hurt somewhere?” Bokuto whispered, reaching up to rub Akaashi’s back through the fabric of the blanket.

“My stomach,” he mumbled, wrapping his hands across his stomach. “Something’s messing with my stomach.”

“Like you’re going to be sick?” Bokuto stroked Akaashi’s hair gently. “I’ll get a trash can if you need one. Don’t hold it in if you’re feeling bad, okay?”

Akaashi huffed. He didn’t want to throw up the food Bokuto had made for him. He hated throwing up, too. “I don’t want to vomit. It hurts.” He admitted, his stoic exterior completely shattered.

“I know, baby. I know.” Bokuto enveloped Akaashi into a hug, patting his back softly. Akaashi whined into his touch, as his stomach lurched into his throat. “It’ll be over soon. Don’t try to fight it.”

Bokuto placed a plastic trash can in front of Akaashi, rubbing his back a little harder. It didn’t help the nausea, but he was trying to be comforting. “Take deep breaths, okay?” Bokuto said, and Akaashi followed his instructions as best as he could.

When he sucked in a breath, a shudder jarred him. Gripping the rim of the trash can, Akaashi breathed out and spat out the spit building up in his mouth. He knew he couldn’t hold it in anymore, and the thought of throwing up was revolting to him.

“You’re doing great, Akaashi. Get it out.” Bokuto encouraged him, rubbing his hand along his back. Akaashi pitched forward with a gag, tears filling his eyes. His stomach pushed upwards but only spit came out of his mouth. He felt disgusting, but Bokuto stayed with him the entire time.

And then it happened. The knot of nausea digging into Akaashi’s upper stomach shifted upwards, pushing its contents out of his mouth with a loud retch. He pitched forward as vomit spilled from his lips, splattering into the bottom of the trash can.

His stomach let out a pained gurgle as he sucked in a breath, only to throw up more undigested rice. A wet sob escaped him as he almost choked on a mouthful of vomit. As soon as he spat it out, he was heaving again.

“Shit, you really didn’t feel well, huh?” Bokuto whispered, making a sympathetic noise as Akaashi vomited violently. “Poor ‘kaashi,” he shushed him as he sobbed, rubbing his tense stomach with one arm. Akaashi was trembling under his touch, coughing up bile as tears poured down his cheeks.

“I- I’m sorry about the food,” Akaashi rasped out, struggling to swallow dry heaves. Tears ran down his face from exertion and fever, and his skin was burning to the touch. His stomach was roiling under Bokuto’s touch, still cramping.

Bokuto pried the bin away from Akaashi’s sweaty hands once he was sure he had stopped throwing up. “Don’t be sorry. Do you feel any better?”

Akaashi shivered, and Bokuto was quick to grab a blanket for him. “I still feel dizzy and gross, Bokuto-san.” He curled himself into the blanket, taking a sip of water to wash his mouth.

“I know, Akaashi. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Akaashi grabbed Bokuto’s shirt, pressing his cheek into his collarbone. “Please, be here. It hurts.” He had to admit the pain he was in. His stomach felt like it had been stabbed from the inside, and his head was about as wobbly as a bobblehead doll.

Bokuto gave him a sympathetic smile to let him know he wasn’t going anywhere. He kissed Akaashi’s forehead, whispering comforting words into him. He was Akaashi’s caretaker for the day, and a good one. Akaashi loved him.