#i know why i haven't posted this
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A renaissance painting
#detroit become human#connor#hank#rupert#i know why i haven't posted this#because i wanted to turn it into a painting like something#but it didn't work out and i got annoyed lol#cleaning out the screenshots folder
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"From beginning to end" a double page collage tribute to the horror podcast that forever changed my brain chemistry :]
#tma#the magnus archives#tma5#tma season 5#tma spoilers#the magnus archives podcast#jonmartin#jon tma#jonathan sims#tma jon#tma jmart#martin k blackwood#martin tma#martin blackwood#tma martin#traditional art#collage#sketchbook spread#sketchbook tour#i made this like half a year ago i dont know why i haven't posted it here lol#incredibly proud of this one btw#had the most fun making it and loved higing all the little details#i hope you spot all of them :]
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RIP CHAIR-KUN 💔
(I got my persona mini figures the other day but Joker's chair was the only one that broke ..)
#persona 5#persona 3#persona 4#ca3 art#i forgot to post here!! im sorry tumblr!!!#i did indeed repair the figure tho!!!#i made this art initially to cope i dont know why it blew up on twitter lmao people enjoying the suffering i guess /j#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#makoto yuki#yu narukami#i drew this really quick so its messy and has mistakes but i haven't had time to draw big pieces lately#working on two zines and some comms still pray for me its brutal out here#persona 5 royal#persona 3 reload#persona 4 golden#persona
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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hewwo
#stargate sg1#stargate atlantis#neko atsume#almost cried drawing that cute little fucking tac vest on jack btw. look at him.#not in love with all of the atlantis team especially rodney and weir and tela i fuckim struggled with them#like i'm happy with how they look it's fine but short of sticking a maple leaf on rodney or something you know#it's the props#i couldn't figure out how to make who they were obvious. idk man they're cute and i know who they are I guess. felt the same with sam tbh#giving her a little math sheet felt a lil cheap but you know what it's done i'm not gonna keep workin on these the gateroom killed me dead.#also i woulda done the other sg1 members that show up later but I haven't gotten there yet in my watch-thru.#like i saw them as a kid when it was airing on tv but not yet while actually paying attention to things like the plot#my posts#my art#stargate#the sg1 one was done first so that's why i didn't end up putting a lot of detail into the planet they landed on vs how much detail#i had to keep leaving out of the fucking got dam gateroom why is there so much detail in that room hey guys what the hell is up with that r
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got a corpus engineer on board
he really likes warframes
#it's been so long since the previous one but i actually planned these two together from the very beginning#i was thinking that adding a friendly corpus on the orbiter can have some interesting plot#because. you know. warframes have been killing a lot of corpus#i swear that makes sense#but i haven't come up with a lot of plot about this tho#even if i did in this month i still can't draw them because i haven't finish this post yet#why am i doing this in 5am anyways#okay gonna sleep now#warframe#warframe excalibur#warframe gauss#warframe gauss prime#warframe ordis#warframe corpus#my art#warframe carl the intern
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The De Nile sisters!
#monster high#monster high fanart#cleo de nile#nefera de nile#monster high gen 1#monster high redesign#artist on tumblr#character design#been working on this for days i needed to hurry up and post it before i started to hate it#this isnt meant to be a redesign of the two pack btw it just made me want to draw them together so i could figure out their styles#it is interesting tho cuz i gave cleo triangle theming and nefera diamond theming#but the two pack does the opposite which made me feel weird#but now i think im right since nefera's cheek gem is literally a diamond#anyway i wanted cleo to have a more casual style where nefera's is always elegant 100% of the time#i know all the mh ghouls are always overdressed but with nefera its on a different level#i might reblog with some more info on how i reimagined them story wise#but for now i'll just say that cleo is in her final year of high school (basically she's 17/18) and nefera is the equivalent of 21/22#my art#sabz art#EDIT: you can tell i haven't posted in a while cuz i completely forgot to add an ID!!#i was wondering why posting this was so quick#its because i was being a forgetful asshole!!! so#id in alt
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a few of you asked to see blushing jin so i'll share the king himself blushing<3 and a few others (but i was playing around with their expressions)
AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH LOOK AT HIM!! LOOK AT MY HUSBAND!!! HE'S SO SO CUTE SUFGUGSLUGLLHAS I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM
bonus because i was doing this for a few friends in discord and might as well send them here for alan, rui, and haru's lovers~
#please not only is tumblr confusing for me but i can't manage too many social media accounts😭#hence my inactivity here lol. pray that i'll get used to it#also i swear i created this acc to share my oc x canon with jin BUT I HAVEN'T POSTED ANY??? i'll share one soon i swear..#back to the live2d topic you have to know that all the students and teachers (even the janitor) can blush??#i havent checked the others but why is jin the only one without tears in their live2d.. is he unable to cry or something LMAOO#i will disappear for days and come back again HAHAHA see you guys<3#tokyo debunker#jin kamurai#alan mido#rui mizuki#haru sagara
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do you guys think serizawa has seen reigen somewhere before in passing
reference + another version under cut!
i knowww it's an old redraw thing but i wanted to redraw serizawa in it for so long... here's a version without the vignette
#redraw#kind of#it was definitely inspired by it#serizawa katsuya#reigen arataka#suzuki toichiro#serirei#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#mi art stuff#artists on tumblr#art#okay tags out of the way time to ramble#hey guys...........#i know I haven't posted art here for a while now and i'm so sorry.............#i started playing pokemon and......... i'm fixated on it so bad........#it did end up with me giving my hand a long break from drawing so it barely hurts anymore when i draw for long periods!!#also my birthday came around a while back im 20 now my bones are disintegrating#anyway i know the bg looks so plain 😭 thats why i did the dark circle focus HSBSJDKS
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so i was reading lae'zel's character sheet and noticed that she had a dragonchess set but no proficiency with them and then a ghost started moving my hand like a ouija board until i had drawn this
anyway this is what the girlies get up to if u leave them at camp together
#I did consider using certified Strange Object Eater gale instead of karlach but unfortunately I think he'd engage w the game authentically#whereas karlach. she has the jester's spirit ig. to me#also lae'zel is carrying a set of playing cards too and karlach has a dice set. WHERE is my casino mission with these two. I demand to know#also why is wyll proficient w mason's tools? does it come up later in the game or did they just get a lil silly w it for the character shee#baldur's gate 3#bg3 fanart#karlach#lae'zel#haven't posted any art in fuckin aeons#this was a rush job on account of I Got Assignments and I am so behind#cannot justify the time spent on it but that's fine. fuck it we ball
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Some Miles Upshur fanarts that I made in 2020-2021
#miles upshur#outlast#red barrels#my art#fanart#Was working on that one meme with Miles and Rayman and realized I haven't posted more of my boy in this blog yet so here it is 👀#Here's for more Miles breadcrumbs next year 🙏#Please RB I miss my boy so much#I just want to see my undead reporter again-#Also in case somebody knows identity v and was wondering why Miles is wearing grave keeper's outfit#It's because I saw an artist drew Andrew in Miles clothes and pretend that it's him instead to make it less scary when playing outlast#And I thought a clothes swap of Miles wearing Andrew's outfit would be cute haha#I DO have outlast x idv ideas rotting at the back of my head but someday#maybe someday I'll be crazy enough to draw it
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Eng: Tankie is having an identity crisis and questioning his life choices(core) 💚💯
Esp: Tankie está teniendo una crisis de identidad y cuestionando sus decisiones de vida(core) 💚💯
#the sims 2#los sims 2#strangetown#tank grunt#sims#fanart#i was hungry for tankie content#yall don't know it but i eat all your tank fanart for a living/pos#you guys are awesome at drawing him (pls keep doing it 😭)#sims posting#digital drawing#sims 2 strangetown#silly little guy#it's so painfully obvious that i didn't use reference#why is da boy paler(?#let's say he haven't gotten out of his room for a looong time#my stuff
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This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.
It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:
At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:
Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.
In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:
Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?
Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.
I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:
Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.
Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.
Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.
And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.
Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.
Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.
I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.
I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.
And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.
Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.
It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.
So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.
He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.
And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).
So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.
What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.
Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.
When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:
Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.
This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.
I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.
But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.
And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.
Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.
Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.
And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.
#this episode broke me in ways i wasn't ready for because of style's backstory so fair warning there's no level of objectivity whatsoever#i'm sure much as already been said about this line and this moment and i'm sorry if i'm just repeating someone else (please let me know!)#i haven't had the time or physical OR emotional capacity to actually read any meta on episode 5#so i apologise in advance if i screwed up anything but these are just my (somewhat disjointed and very emotionally driven) thoughts#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#style sattawat#fadel#thk ep 5#thk meta#i understand why dunk said this scene was so hard and weighty and was his favourite now#(or at least i think this was the one he means?? I vaguely remember an interview where dunk talked about them talking#before they have sex and how emotionally charged it was)#i'll have to go through my tags and see if i talked about it#but either way our boys both did such excellent jobs this episode#as they have been doing every episode but each time i really am just... newly awed by their talent and my adoration for them grows <3#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#<my posts>
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Fender Telecaster (2020) 🎸⚡⚡
#my art#tell me why I haven't posted this here before#first half of my 2020 is missing in Tumbrl what??#digital art#fender telecaster#guitar#guitarist#kawaii#pastel#original art#oc#kind of a self portrait back then#but I don't have tats lol#nor I know to play guitar but guitars are cute anyway
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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.
And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.
That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.
Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.
#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties#kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things#they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane#this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be#it depends on my mood#i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days#you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful#but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs#luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh#i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that#if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain#idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf#one piece#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan
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i'm so extremely irrationally annoyed by people not knowing what various terms mean and using them incorrectly like i feel like that's such an asshole thing to care about but oh my god stop
#the saddest part is this post was inspired by the term hard launch. again#many other things also though it's not just that#and yes i knowwwww the hard launch debate is tired#and it's not even an important term it's a fucking meme#well it is a term but yknow. it's hardly academic#but i just saw someone say that if you just know how to infer things you'll understand dnp have already hard launched#girl 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#world's most unserious and unimportant topic I'm Aware#i don't even mean it in a way of like 'they haven't hard launched yet i hope they do soon' like what the fuck ever#but oh my god why do you think the term soft launch exists.#why would you have two terms if they're the same am i losing my mind here#does no one have the ability to think at all#oh my god???????#this is so stupid 😭😭😭 i need to worry about real issues i know i know im aware#but can everyone stop being DUMB#fucks sake#sorry.
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