#i know we're probably getting another depressing ass episode this week
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emmiewtf · 4 years ago
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the way that langa really had no idea how to skate in the beginning and it was reki who taught him, reki who was so excited to share his passion w someone else but then langa took to it like fish in water and now he's so good (THANKS TO REKI...) and now reki's worried he's not good enough to be langa's friend even tho langa geniuenly thinks so highly of reki im just- i feel like a toddler having a tantrum and banging my fists on the table. i hate this anime
if it wasnt for reki's instructions and fuckin making a custom board that he upgraded based on just watching langa skate langa probably wouldn't even be able to stand on the board let alone skate as well as he does!!! langa adores reki!!! they need each other!! they are a TEAM!!! a set!! do NOT. separate them.
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ghostbustermelanieking · 4 years ago
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oddly specific memories i have of listening to tma
in honor of the finale, and because i am a sentimental asshole, i bring you this potentially uninteresting and completely pointless list. i'm gonna miss this show a lot
half my original reasoning for listening to the podcast was to motivate me to walk on the treadmill. this did not work. but i did it the first time, when i was going through the trailers and anglerfish, and i remember the room where my dad keeps the treadmill is really dark and the spooky chanting sort of freaked me out
after the treadmill, i ended up listening to the bulk of the first four episodes on the couch, and halfway through i let my oldest cat, winnie, who always lived outside (i know, i was very against actually keeping her outside) in the house. and she jumped up on the couch with me, which she literally never did. (she was very grumpy and not super affectionate.) i had that cat since i was five, and she passed last june, and i really miss her. quarantine kind of gave us the opportunity to hang out with her a lot, because we were home so much. so i'm glad these memories are kind of intersected in my mind. (below: a pic i have from that day.)
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my friend sarah relistened along with me the first time around, which was extraordinarily sweet of her, and also led to some interesting interactions. for example: she forgot when it was revealed that sasha was dead, so she accidentally spoiled that for me when i asked when the others would find sasha (and i spent all of season 2 just like. anxiously vibrating over this fact). she also made this post, when i was still in like early first half of season 1, and my immediate thought was "oh no martin is dead." i hadnt even MET martin at this point
back in early quarantine, my mom had this rule that we had to do something new every day (to keep away the depression... ha ha). anyways, all i wanted to do in my free time was sit around and listen to tma (and also watch this show i was into on netflix), so i came up with some lame excuses, one of which was "i'll give myself a pedicure." this led to the memory i ultimately associate with mag 56 (trevor herbert 2) being me sitting out on our roof balcony thing, giving myself a horrendous pedicure
another time, my family wanted to go play tennis, and they brought me along and brought a hammock for me to lay in. there was this excess material from the hammock, and the sun was in my eyes, so i ended up pulling it up and over me to block the sun and creating this ridiculous hammock cocoon thing. one of the episodes i listened to that day? "tucked in."
before i ever started the show, my friend sarah stayed with me while i was pet sitting. i remember when she got there, she'd just listened to 150 and was telling me how freaky it was (she was still trying to get me into the show), and she was like "of course we're staying on a CUL DE SAC." (that was also the weekend she watched us for the first time and was very upset because i slept through the whole thing, which is scary when you're staying somewhere by yourselves.) anyways, i spent the whole show waiting for the scary cul de sac episode
while i was listening to the show for the first time, my step-dad (an artist) started painting an EYE on the door downstairs near my bathroom. a fucking EYE. he didn't finish it til i had finished the show. but still weird!!
i binged like 12 episodes in one day to finish season 4, which is not impressive at all, but it's still my personal record. i just remember staying up late in my dark bedroom (til like.... 11 i'm lame and i go to bed early), listening to like 158 & 159 & 160 and just being knocked on my ass by how good it all was... i was SUPER spoiled by this point, through my own fault, and i knew exactly what was coming, but actually experiencing it was nuts
the second week i listened live was 167, where the public release was delayed by a couple hours by accident. i spent like 20 minutes refreshing spotify, thinking it was broken, before going on tumblr and seeing what the deal was. (and 167 remains one of my favorites of s5 because i remember just going "thank god it was worth the wait.")
this one car ride where sarah and i made some of our friends listen to the first three episodes of the show. it was the middle of the night and we were just like blasting down i40 listening to anglerfish and do not open etc
the night the what the ghost episode publicly dropped was the night after my graduation, and i was sleeping out on the couch in the living room so my grandfather could sleep in a bed. it was super dark, and i am a jumpy person, and i Remember being mildly disgusted with myself because the corny sound effects were actually freaking me out. (i think i mightve actually seen something weird that night, maybe, but that's another story.)
the weekend my parents moved me into college, we couldn't get the cable in the house we were staying in, and we were all sitting around doing nothing, so i jokingly suggested starting tma with them, and they were like ok grace. my step-dad promptly fell asleep and my mom zoned out -- which is probably good, she doesn't like horror and she's super claustrophobic, so it's probably better we never got to do not open
my brief roommate in college talked about how she was into those youtube channels where people just read scary stories, so of course i was like try tma out. so she listened to the first episode on her own, and we were out one night, and she started mag 02 while i went into an ice cream place. she was into it (she kept being like open it, ya pussy) and wanted to keep listening while we went home, and even back in our room. i had only been in town for a couple weeks, and barely knew my way around, but i also didn't want to turn the gps on and be interrupted every five seconds. so i tried to find our way back on my own. it took the entirety of mag 03, and into mag 04, before i did it. so now i will forever associate across the street with all those wrong turns i took in a dark, semi unfamiliar city, trying to get back to our college without a gps
the day of the early drop for 179 was the day i moved back home from college -- a five hour drive by myself. i ended up listening to it on the final stretch of the trip, when i was super tired and it was dark and i knew it'd probably be a crazy episode. just me full blasting down i40, drinking an energy drink (which i never do) through a hole punched in the top, listening to daisy's death
186 early dropped the day after initial u.s. election day (when we still didn't know anything). my mom had set up a "watch party" in the living room with these giant air mattresses, and we all sort of spent the day crowded around the TV watching the numbers. not much of a memory, but i remember sitting on that air mattress and listening to martin's monologue in the midst of that messy week
i had a virtual therapy appointment on the day of 187's early drop, and my dad was home, so i drove to an empty parking lot to do the session in some privacy. i was trying to listen to the episode before the session started, so i ended up listening to the last half sitting in my car, in the pouring rain, just staring at my radio in shock (187 remains one of my favorite s5 episodes)
my friend sarah had just come home for winter break the day 189 dropped, and we decided to listen together, just like driving around in circles drinking coffee and listening and speculating on whether or not that was really martin
i started my relisten right after thanksgiving and was just kind of blowing through fast as i could through the whole of december. i had to go back to college to empty out my dorm, and i went to the beach after, and i ended up listening to mag 11 while just like walking around in circles in the tide pools. the closer it got to christmas, the more christmassy i wanted to keep things, so i would like. listen in the mornings and turn on one of those Netflix fireplaces and get all cozy
my other friend went with me on a mini bagel road trip in december, and he was still trying to get caught up, so we listened to mag 169, 170, and 171 on the drive home. (by this point, i was accustomed enough to s5 and smiting scenes to automatically reach for the volume controls when jude perry and jared hopworth died.)
when i relistened to mag 47, i was sitting with my cat beezus. i paused the episode to write this big long meta, so i was in a different headspace when i pressed play again. jon immediately yelled for sasha and i immediately jumped, and beezus gave me a searing glare and just got up and left
i relistened to piecemeal while i was cooking, which i thought was kind of funny and also disgusting
after christmas, i got into the habit of bringing my cat georgia into my room in the mornings, and she'd crawl under the covers with me while i listened to tma
one story i've always liked to tell from my first listen is how when i first listened to the meat arm grinder episode, my dad asked me to help him cook hamburgers later that day and explained how hamburgers are ground up (to my disgust). i hit meat grinder in my relisten and um. you'll never fucking guess what i made for lunch that day
so i had all these arbitrary rules for myself when i started tma last april, and i've broken like all of them. i started listening to tma while virtually working -- you just pull it up on your computer and it works. (i got the life scared out of me when one of my coworkers started talking over the podcast, wondering who it was that had walked into jon's office and why he wasn't reacting and why i didn't remember it.) i also started listening a lot while driving, which led to several long meta posts i wrote being typed up in a parking lot somewhere
i spent the entirety of 194 anxious-cuddling georgia. (i tried to do this for 198 and then didn't have any anxiety to cuddle her over.) i fully plan on doing this for 200, where i am sure i will need it again
my favorite place to listen to tma probably ended up being the roof room at my mom's, and unless something goes awry, this is where i will listen to the finale. (with georgia, of course.)
this list is super uninteresting, like i said, but here it is. i'm gonna miss this show a lot. i can't wait to return to it, later in life, and make all new listening memories in the process
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teamsharoncarter-archive · 7 years ago
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Hey dude, I'm sorry if my tag give you negative impressions and it triggers problems god knows you don't want to experience. It would be hard to accept different opinions on tumblr because we're communicating in a third medium, misunderstandings are bound to happen. If people in the fandom are actually making your life hell and actually personally attack you, I'm offering ears to your story. I know how shitty people can give anxiety and maybe sharing it can ease your burden. That if you want to
I have calmed down now (who knew chores could clear your mind right?). Also, I want this ask and answer to be public so people know what happened and don’t send either of us hate or whatever. (That’s happened before so it’s for mine and your protection). But if you feel uncomfortable with that, I will gladly delete this post and send it via submission.
Hey I want to say thank you, for apologizing. I would also like to apologize. I was already in a beginnings of a manic episode that I felt in me, and when that volcano just erupted, I “spewed the lava” onto you and you didn’t deserve that so I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to do better with it. And I probably should have been more clear, I will work on that too.
Yeah the five years of being on here were hell. (In fact I have a post labeled “Five Fucking Years [link]” that is the summary of the hell - but no where near explains exactly what I’ve had to deal with.) My blog archive on this one only shows 3 years, but I had two different blogs—and a failed remake for this blog—until I remade into “teamsharoncarter” (tsc is like, my tenth url on this blog omg).
I kinda ranted about the Five Hell Years of Fandom below, it’s kinda long, so it’s under a read more.
So my Fandom Life started way back in 2012 on fanfictiondotnet, and 2013 on tumblr.
First thing negative I ever had happen to me, is that a person reported and had my fanfic deleted because I “falsely advertised on the fanfic summary” as stated on the last review before my fanfic was just Gone. FFN didn’t even warn me or back it up at all. And because people badgered me for an update because I wasn’t Spitting Out A New Chapter Every Hour, the demands made a deadline for something that wasn’t supposed to have a deadline made me worry that people would hate me if I didn’t Immediately Post Now, so I posted One Paragraph chapters that were rushed and gross, because I thought they just wanted quantity, not quality. So then I started getting Hate Reviews because it was rushed and not “proper length for a chapter.” (Thank God for James Patterson for his One Page Chapters that taught me, who cares if it’s one page? You wrote down what you wanted in the story without somehow jamming it into another chapter.)
Imaginary deadline made me anxious like a school deadline, which made me feel bad for not posting anything for months which lead to more anxiety which lead to feeling like crap everyday for not posting which eventually lead to spiraling depression.
So I left fanfictiondotnet behind me. And did a dumbass decision to join tumblr. I’ve seen other authors on FFN talk about visiting their blogs and chat with them and stuff, so I thought it would be a fun place to hang with fellow fans.
I was right for a little bit.
Then I reblogged a post that upset one of my few followers. Next thing I knew, I was getting sent messages about how I’m a menace to society for liking this one couple or something (like if I remember correctly, it was a think it was thalico - about 7 months before Nico was confirmed gay). And so because I said “fuck off” because like, 13 years old, why do you wanna worry about that stuff when all you want is fun right? So whenever I got a message from them, I’d delete it. I’d block them over and over again, because either they were using friend’s accounts or a different computer, I’ll never know. After they were Proven Right that their headcanon was canon, they were like “see! i told you!” as if it was okay for them to constantly harass me because their headcanon that a character was gay was confirmed.
What made me finally leave that blog was that I kinda got into a fight, like we did, but they twisted the words I was trying to say, which I got irrationally angry at, and they vagued me, and also not so vagued me, (which is why I don’t take kindly to that anymore) to their followers, which lead to hundreds of anons in my inbox about how I should die and should kill myself. I tried to tell the person, but they had me blocked after they vagued me, and so I had my friend tell them, but all they got was a laugh in the face about how I was childish for trying to stop what I deserved.
So I deleted that blog, remade another one, where I would just reblog, not comment, not have ask open, not post personal opinions, nothing. Just a simple reblog blog. That didn’t work either because I started to feel lonely, and the only follower I had was my sister.
So I tried FFN again, new account, new fanfic ideas, new ships, new identity, and put a link to my blog on my bio and decided to open up my ask for any convos my readers wanted for the fanfic—specifically things like theories for the next chapter. I even made sure to have three chapters ready, so I would post one chapter per week, which gave me time to write the next one, to give a nice flow. Which was a big mistake. I started to get the same “UPDATE!” messages, so I would post the next chapter anyway because I have a compulsion to please people, which restarted the spiraling because I no longer had the cushion to have more time to write. I though the update demands would shut up if I gave them three in the same day. But then, I also got hate reviews for my fanfics in my ask. About how everyone was Out Of Character or Not Together With Their OTP. And so I deleted the accounts and just started over again.
With this blog.
I started not talking to anyone but the few friends I made on my previous blog. I reblogged a lot of gen stuff, then as a month went by with nothing, no sign of hate, I decided to reblog shippy stuff, I changed my icon to my OTP.
Which upset practically everyone.
I was sent not only that I should die or kill myself, but death threats and rape threats and just weird ass shit. I get sent messages that my otp/fave character was abusive (steve/tony, fave character is tony) and that I was an abuse apologist and that I should be filled with concrete to they could “smash me into a million piece or sculp me into a human being with more decency”. So since then I just would, block anyone who I saw was even a little negative toward the things I loved, because I thought, if I put up the barricade now, they can’t get me later. But then I started showing love to other ships and characters and it would just start all over again. And then people I already had blocked would somehow find my posts, screenshot them, post it making fun of it without removing my url, then send hoards of people after me. And when asked to stop, they laughed at me more.
I changed my url, and saved the old url with a redirect to a “not found” page so they thing I deleted and I was save for awhile.
I posted a picture of me as sharon for halloween - I didn’t have a white catsuit, but I did have a vest like Sharon did in CW so I wore that (2 people recognized who I was trying to be) - and then I got this ask: “You are ugly. So is Sharon. [link]” and yeah my answer was basically “wow anon lol pathetic hate”, it still got to me?
I don’t know what has made me stick it out with this one for so long. Maybe because I have a lot of followers now, maybe because of the friends I made, maybe it’s my “fuck this fuck you i’m staying” spite. I don’t know. I just know that I’m tired.
I’m tired of defending myself and the fiction characters I love. I’m tired of constantly being told by my own invasive thoughts and by real people, that my life doesn’t equal that of a fiction characters. That fiction characters are somehow worth more than me, a living breathing human.
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