#i know usually ppl make them full size but i kinda like being able to play with the organization tbh

[23meteorstreet]

“i don’t know how you guys live with yourselves.” “one day at a time.” it’s always sunny in philadelphia - season 1

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, another part of why I’m so vehemently anti-RPF is like.....one of the first things any legit agent or manager asks an actor when they sign them is if they’re willing to do nude scenes and/or sex scenes. And when there’s an actor whose work you follow cuz you think they’re hot and you notice they’ve never been in any kind of sex scene or even a shirtless scene, that’s not like...by accident, most of the time. 

Because a lot of actors aren’t comfortable with nude scenes. And it doesn’t have nearly as much to do with prudishness or religious reasons or any of that stuff as you might assume. I mean, I have done nude scenes. In some pretty big size productions as in with a full crew. And lemme tell you....they are NOT fun. Or sexy. Or hot. Like, even a little bit, lol.

Cuz like, its never just you and another actor in a bedroom. It’s you and another actor naked or close to naked.....in the middle of like.....forty fully dressed crewmen holding cameras and lighting and sound equipment and acting like you’re not just...naked in front of them, even though you and everyone else are actually super aware that yup, you definitely are. 

And there’s a million lights on you and set lights are HOT, they make you sweat like crazy, and so when you’re doing a lot of takes and getting sweaty from the lights you constantly have people running up to you between takes and like....toweling you off in a completely unsexy way, lol, and reapplying makeup and the whole time they’re not even talking to you but to each other, like you’re not even there, b/c they’re not trying to be rude but they’re in a hurry, they have to do this fast so there’s not really time to strike up a conversation with you while they do it. But its TOO weird to just be doing it in silence so they usually solve that awkwardness by being in the middle of a convo as they run up to you and your scene partner and just keep continuing it before running back.

And the whole time you’ve got a cranky, stressed and taking it out on everyone director yelling at you to basically...be more sexy, lol, with you having to do take after take after take and not even look just as into it as you did the take before, but dig deep and look even MORE into it. Because you wouldn’t still be shooting if you’d already done it right, you’re obvsly ‘not being sexy right’. And gotta say, lol, nothing makes it easier to feel and thus act sexy than an asshole you’d never sleep with in a million years yelling about how he’s not feeling like he wants to fuck you yet or like you want to fuck him yet. And he’s the audience, he says, he’s the people in the seats of the movie theater watching you pretend-fuck on screen, and so if he doesn’t feel like you wanna fuck him, then how do you expect they’re gonna be able to put themselves in the fantasy and feel like you’re talking to them, like you wanna fuck them? Ick.

So I mean....there’s actually a lot of reasons for actors to not want to do nude scenes, both men and women. Or for them to do one and then never do one again. And that’s not even getting into the after part of things, like....the weirdness of spending several more weeks working closely with several dozen people who have all seen you naked, up close and personal. Or the weirdness of knowing who-knows-how-many ppl out in the general public then have seen it too, fantasized about you, with you having no idea who any of them are, if you’d be like...comfortable with them having that level of intimacy with you if you did know who they are...*shrugs* Because there’s not really an easy way around the fact that someone seeing you naked IS a form of intimacy in our society. You’re exposed. You’re....all out there for them to critique or have opinions on or form fantasies about, with no way to reciprocate. And that’s a very weird feeling. That crosses well over into uncomfortable when you factor in that there’s no way to opt out of being seen like that by people you KNOW you wouldn’t want to share that level of intimacy with if it was just you and them.

Like, there’s one closeted actor I knew years ago who grew up in a small conservative town, and early on in his career he did a lot of sex-type scenes, like he was one of those actors who is pretty much always in a state of undress on every show he’s on, early on in their career. And he used to say how he never thought twice about it, thought he was totally fine with it....until he went back to his hometown for the holidays for the first time in years, and had all these old classmates and neighbors both his age and older women too, like actual friends of his parents or people who’d known him since he was a kid....and they were fawning over him while he was there and giggling about those scenes and how racy they were and blah blah...but the point was, when he came back to LA after the holidays, he just couldn’t do scenes like that anymore. 

Because, like he said, he’d never really thought of himself as someone who made the fact that he was gay a big part of his identity, but it was just too unsettling for him after that. Being aware that the very same people who were a huge part of why he was in the closet, because of all the shit they’d said when he was growing up about how gross and disgusting gay people and gay sex are...here they were, totally okay with and INTO simulated sex scenes that didn’t have an ounce of the intimacy he had in his actual sexual encounters with other guys. 

He was like “they’d all call me disgusting and tell me I was going to Hell if they found out what I do with boyfriends in my own home, but what I do on camera, surrounded by dozens of total strangers with a woman I only just met at our audition a week ago and have seen maybe twice since, like....that works for them?” And it just skeeved him out too much. He stopped auditioning for roles like that cold turkey, and I don’t think he’s actually ever done a nude scene since. He couldn’t get over knowing that the older women from his church who’d be the first to gossip about how sinful he was for having a boyfriend were instead gossiping on facebook about how hot he looked in this bedroom scene or whatever.

Anyway. Didn’t mean to go off on this tangent and didn’t realize that last post would bring this up, lmao. And tbh, like, I don’t ENJOY doing nude scenes, but I’ve never been bothered to the point of turning down a paying job. Like, it skeeves me out sometimes, stuff like I mentioned in that last post, coming face to face (so to speak) with the knowledge that someone I deeply dislike on a personal level has seen me that way and enjoyed it, but for me its a level of discomfort where I’m like, yeah, not ideal, but I can live with it. But for a lot of actors, it is a dealbreaker. 

And I feel this is something a lot of RPF-er’s don’t consider....like, with a lot of these celebrities, the way you’re talking about them, fantasizing about them, writing stories or sharing pictures about them, especially ones where there aren’t a lot of actual sexualized content available already for you to springboard off of, where you have to like...photoshop heads onto other bodies or make fanart from scratch.....they didn’t say they were cool with it. They didn’t give even the kinda tacit permission that comes from accepting a role where they willingly expose their entire body and self for anyone and everyone to see and to say or think whatever they want as a result. Like, someone accepting a job that casts them as the fantasy hero in a romance where they sweep their lover off their feet and gaze longingly into each other’s eyes and all that stuff....but with their clothes on....Its not exactly the same thing as voluntarily sexualizing themselves top to bottom, playing the part of an actively sexual being onscreen for you to then take in and absorb and do whatever you want with what they chose to put out there.

And thing is....this is still a form of consent, we’re talking about here. No, I’m not saying its the same kind as in a single person-to-person physical interaction. Violating someone’s consent so to speak, in this particular context, I’m not saying its interchangeable with someone being told no by a person and not stopping. I’m just saying....its not nothing either. You’re still taking away another human being’s right to decide whether or not they want you to have the level of intimacy that’s innately tied up in the viewing of a person in their most vulnerable state. Their right to decide whether they want you not just picturing them as a sexual fantasy, and in what ways. 

Because like....that’s the other thing about consent. It needs to be given for each individual interaction. It’s not a one-time issued all access pass. An actor consenting to be a part of your sexual fantasies in the role and form of a character from a movie where they have sex with another consenting adult.....is not a blank check saying hey, I’m also totally fine with you using my face and likeness and even name in your fantasies where you put me opposite a minor, or a homophobe, or an abuser. 

Like, just speaking for myself, I may be okay with however anyone chooses to view or think or talk about me based on the nude roles I’ve taken or in the context of them, even if it does make me kinda uncomfortable. But I very much would not the fuck be okay with someone sexualizing me opposite someone like, idk, Jared Leto, let’s say, someone that I fucking hate and would never in a million YEARS consent to being vulnerable, let alone intimate with, in any way, shape or form. 

I mean, lol, if you’ve been following me for long at all, think about what you know about me as a person, just in terms of like things I’m obviously passionate about, things I talk a lot about etc. Now keeping in mind what you know of me and my personality just as a person who exists beyond any particular fantasy someone might have after seeing me in a role, picture me as an actor. Say I someday ended up in a role in a shared universe franchise like Marvel or DC, where Jared Leto also played a role in that franchise, even if it wasn’t in the same movie, if I never actually consented to be in a movie starring alongside Jared Leto. But by virtue of the big sprawling franchise we’re both in and thus tangentially linked, there’s enough basis for someone who finds him hot and who also finds me hot to go, okay, I wanna ship them together, I want to craft my own sexual fantasy starring them both together, and maybe even write it out, share it online.

Now....knowing me even just on a ‘i follow this person on a social media platform’ level....do you think I’d be remotely comfortable with that? Sure, I’ll probably never find out, you could say, assuming you convince yourself I don’t know how to use google or never google myself or SHOULD never google myself, because....idg that logic tbh but whatever. But you still know. Isn’t it even just a little bit skeevy, building a sexy fantasy around two people when you know or are even just a little sure one of them would not the fuck consent to that?

Like, there’s no law against that, obviously. No one’s gonna come banging on your door and say you can’t do that, that you have Harmed Me in some material way and I’m gonna sue or press charges. But just purely from the standpoint of acknowledging that you may not know me at all, but you know that I exist somewhere on this planet as a living, breathing, thinking entity with my own agency and likes and dislikes....shouldn’t what I want or feel matter? Especially if I do happen to feel very strongly about this, to the point where I’ve taken actionable steps to NOT consent to be in any situation with someone like that where it could remotely be construed as sexual, or even like he’s someone who I could tolerate being around, like his very existence doesn’t gross me out given some of the stuff he’s done. Making deliberate, conscious choices to not take roles opposite him, stuff like that.

Now sure, you don’t know if this is the case, have no way of knowing this about any random actor, that they feel this way or would or would not have this or that opinion about the scenario you’re placing them in, if it were brought to their attention, if you had the opportunity to ask them face to face ‘hey would you be okay with this?’

But that’s the point. You don’t know. But at least maybe focus on actors in their ROLES that they chose to play, where they showed up to work and said okay, here I am to my job pretending to be this character who isn’t me, to bring them to life and make them real for audiences, make them someone they can imagine, or yes, fantasize about. Instead of just assuming for yourself that hey anything and everything is fair game because they took their shirt off in a show once and they’re an actor anyway so what does it matter, this is what they get paid for....

Well. No. Its not what we get paid for. We get paid for the job we sign up to do. That we CHOOSE to do. An actor gets paid to be fodder for sexual fantasies based around their role as a sexy spy in a thriller, maybe, but that’s not and really shouldn’t be treated as interchangeable with acting like they’re getting paid to be fodder for sexual fantasies with anyone and everything in every possible kinky scenario, consent not required, no age limit, anything goes.

I’m not saying its wrong to have sexual fantasies about an actor who’s lodged in your brain in a sexual context because yeah, they’ve done sex scenes before. I’m just saying....there’s a lot of angles that a lot of people don’t put any thought into at all before just doing whatever they want, and all these very important conversations about consent and sexual agency and all that.....they don’t stop being necessary just because they’ve crossed into territory where you don’t want to have these particular conversations, where there’s a status quo you’re comfortable with even if you think a status quo in another area of society needs to be challenged.

Anyway.

Oops, I thought I was done but I kept going. Why am I like this. Okay, now I’m done. Anyway. Just thoughts I have and thus shared, do with them as you will.

[linos-teeth]

i got tagged

in the 50 questions and the about me tag by @chngbok ty browse!! these are a lot of questions and idk who i want to bother with them (unless you wanna be bothered then consider yourself tagged) but in case you wanna know some random stuff abt me there’s a lot of that under the cut!

what takes too much of your time?

currently, fic writing for sure

what makes your day better?

uhhh ideas, music, skz (except lino bc he literally just makes me cry)

what is the best thing that happened to you today?

lino in the victory song dance practice? (wow there's a theme already)

what fictional place would you like to go to?

hmmmmm the arbor wilds, the crossroads, the forge, h-047c, watford

are you good at giving advice?

nah

do you have any mental illness?

uhhhh not theoretically (as in not diagnosed oops)

have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

luckily not

what musician inspired you the most?

boy i rly can't say, usually it's writers or games that inspire me and music not so much?

have you fallen in love?

most likely yeah

what’s your dream date?

idk man surprise me like...going out exploring and doing things i haven't done before that don't include any drugs or stuff also movies are good

what do others notice about you?

my hair (it's long)

what is an annoying habit that you have?

biting my uh...the skin next to my nails? and my lips? i guess?

do you still talk to your first love?

ha nah

how many ex’s do you have?

zero

how many songs are in your playlist?

i have 685 deezer faves

what instruments do you play?

piano, idk if recorder counts, used to play the oboe but...not any more

who do you have the most pictures of?

myself XD, my da/me chars, also random idol pictures for reaction memes

where would you like to go before you die?

uhhhhh a lot of places like...there's a lot of cities in europe i still wanna see and i wanna go back to paris and london and i also would love to visit like 294503 national parks in the us also maybe a desert (bc stars) and somewhere far north (for northern lights)

what’s your zodiac?

scorpio

do you relate to it?

nope

what is happiness to you?

just like...a content feeling? like...idk words for it but when you just stop and go like fuck this is rly good i'm rly comfy rn and not sad??? like just being good in your own skin?

are you going through anything right now?

not more than usual

what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

i made a few sucky time management decision throughout my uni time and still am so i guess that

what’s your favorite store?

what's a store

what’s your opinion on abortion?

i don't rly think i get to say much abt it while i'm not in a position where i can talk yknow? you should be allowed to but i imagine it's tough as shit too

do you keep a bucket list?

nah

do you have a favorite album?

A FEW there's wildness by snow patrol and mania by fob and wild world by bastille and miroh (that's currently tho that shit changes a lot)

what do you want for your birthday?

my birthday isn't happening for a while and what i want i kinda need before so xD for my birthday i wish i could be with my family but i won't be able to :/

what are most people’s first impression of you?

uhhhhh awk i guess which is right, also rly smart and like...organised which is wrong

what age to you seem according to most people?

apparently like 16, i always get asked when i finish school

where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

on my bed next to my pillow, stuffed under some plushies

what word do you say the most?

idk honestly i don't talk much probably some expletive

what’s the oldest age would you date?

idk man i'm not rly attracted to ppl much older than me never have been if it ever happened they'd prolly be like 2 years younger oops that's like the norm with crushes

what’s the youngest age would you date?

oh uh see above i guess like...currently i'm 23 so like? not younger than 20?

what job/career do most people say sould suit you?

they don't rly say anything abt that xD

what’s your favorite music genre?

uhhh rock? alt stuff? i love some folk and some pop too and i'm a slut for lofi

if you would live in any country in the world, where would it be?

here tbh

what’s your current favorite song?

u h h probably still chronosaurus! doesn't look like it's leaving that spot any time soon oops

how long have you have this blog for?

a bit over a month now?

what are you excited for?

how pathetic is it if i say my summer course? idk just...smth new i guess i'm looking forward to it (not to being away from games and photoshop)

are you a better talker or a listener?

listener

what is the last productive thing you did?

i finished vacuuming the house today

what do you want for Christmas?

s h r u g

what classes do you get the best grades in?

language stuff, music

on a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

a 4? maybe?

what can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

idk man i wanna go into speech therapy so?? that? or research even? but i gotta get into the masters first rip

when did you first get your heartbreak?

oh dear. probably like...in kindergarten when my crush was an absolute ass (so far, 80% of them have been there's a theme) i was pathetic

at what age do you want to get married?

idk man i guess in like 100 years when someone finally decides they rly want to put up with this mess

what career did you want to have as a child?

florist, author, actress

what do you crave right now?

hugs? and drawing skill

1. How tall are you?

i'm jisung-sized

2. What color are your eyes?

hazel

3. What color and style is your hair?

uhhhh dark blonde would be the accurate desc prolly? it's like...blondebrowngoldish and too long and i usually braid it and i have a super messy fringe

4. Do you wear glasses?

no

5. Do you have braces?

luckily not!

6. What’s your fashion sense?

casual and basic with a dash of experimental and sometimes a bit cutesy

7. Full name?

8. When were you born?

long, long ago, too long ago

9. Where are you from and where do you live

germany!

10. What school(s) do you go to?

no more school for me, i'm going to university

11. What kind of student are you?

the one that kinda gets by far too well for procrastinating so badly (all i have to say in my defense is that i'm anxious as shit abt everything)

12. Do you like school?

i used to!! like...the last 3 and first 3 years were chill

13. Fav subject?

music, history, english, latin

14. Fav TV shows?

i rly only watch b99 but i would be careful calling it my favorite since like...3 eps ago

15. Fav books?

my current fave is less by andrew sean greer (aka it was my fave last autumn and i've read like 3 since and they weren't super great)

16. Fav pastimes?

uhhh writing gaming music and lately, giffing too!

17. Do you have any regrets?

a couple

18. Dream job?

i mean i do still wish i could just like...do smth artsy like be an author or an illustrator but i'm bad at writing and literally cannot draw at all so

19. Would you ever like to be married?

yes absolutely

20. Would you like to have children?

kinda yeah?

21. If so, how many?

2

22. Do you like shopping?

only for a limited amount of time

23. What countries have you visited?

denmark, norway, france, the uk, spain, italy, austria, slovakia, we also drove through switzerland like twice

24. Scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

uhhhhhh basically all of the end of the world/war scenario dreams i've had?

25. Any enemies?

does myself count

26. Do you have a significant other?

nah

27. Do you get along with your family?

yeah? we're not super close but we don't hate each other

28. Do you believe in miracles?

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES WHERE YA FROM YOU SEXY THING no but rly i do

29. How are you?

not terrible

[lovedlovingly]

Okay so I had the craziest dream that I just woke up from imma copy paste it here as I wrote to a friend on disc horse

Okay I just had the craziest dream....

Like... Holy shit I'm trying to just.... Capture it all all feelings and wow

I think I was in Stockholm but it still felt like home, and all of a sudden looking up at the sky there's like... We have an asteroid belt? Everyone's just???? It's a clear blue day and there's so many big boulders in the sky :O it ws so pretty

Only thing is... They start getting closer hahaha super slowly

So basically I had an end of the world nightmare/cool dream

It was all about finding a shelter, while still roaming around seeing those big ass stones in the sky closing in and it was like???? Idk how big they'll be closing in? Also why hadn't anyone gone out with a warning about this long before?

I talk to two girls who I noticed the sky fenomen with and one of them is like "I know a guy who has a bomb shelter let's go ask him" and I was like aight I'm with u! (my last apartment complex actually had one Idk if this one does 😅 so in my dream I didn't know of anything safe and it was a relief a stranger was willing to help)

So she leads me maybe... Idk it's not far more like tricky to get there, the distance to the shelter varies in my dream it feels like it's around the corner but it's maybe a 20-30min walk

So this farmer guy is all "oh yeah we've seen that too, if u buy something of my produce I'll let u in on my shelter" and there's a lot of ppl around, that has taken his deal and that are gonna take it, but there's no hurry it's a feeling of everyone will fit I'm just a bit panic mode because I don't have any of my belongings on me hahaha

I buy two super big paprikas and they were so fucking yummy,, he was so proud of them and it was so understandable

A lady was making usual banter after a while like "oh I'm never able to make mine taste anything when I grow them at home" and im like ha ha okay

Again I look up into the sky and the asteroid belt is way closer now

Like those stones are HUGE and they're falling down in a like... Slowmotion feel but u know in space it's FAST

so me and the girl is like how long til they hit? And farmer is like "Idk but most likely 1.5h" and then someone from the shelter shouts for a mirror and I'm like "I have one I can bring" and he doesn't mind, like that guy is all super chill but if I can keep the ppl in the shelter calm why not

So i call my dad (it turns into a family heavy dream at this point) and tell them about the shelter, idk why but he shouts at me angrily, and is like "I have my bag at your place u have to bring it!!!!" and I was like... Ok? Sure? I just have to try and put everything I need in a bag first and time is running out and he's like "just being it to the shelter" - like I have to carry two heavy bags 30min trip to my place, do everything I can in a hurry, get back 30min with everything - before they close the shelter

I was sweating Lmao all I could think of was my pad, I was like I need it, I can draw on it it'll calm my nerves when being in a dark bunker lol

So omw home (which now is omw to my parents house, probably because I was at a farm so my head was like oh country side) all of a sudden it gets harder and harder to move forward and some girls out playing in their yard is like "it's the magnetism and gravity from the asteroids, they're starting to mess with us" it was like moving through water and I was running out of time :/

Still it was like a clear sunny day, so everything was peaceful in that sense and again the asteroid belt was so visible

What I still tried to figure out was like... Ok... This belt is gonna cut down on earth like a whip, am I really so unlucky I'm in the hit zone or is it gonna miss me and were all just gonna sit infront of the TV and be like "holy shit that's happening in other parts of the world rn? Scary!!" orrr is it actually gonna hit me full force on and do I really need to get to the shelter for my own life

While at home (now I kinda lived in a 2ft square place with a bunkbed Idk but yeah messy dream) I kinda gave up

Another dream started in the middle of it kinda like a cartoonish thing, and it felt like I woke up from that back to the end of the world scenario so... Inception?

And I was a guy at this point 🤔I think it was the apartment as soon as I got out of it I was myself again hahah

But it took me a while to get out of it :/ I was depressed, I had no motivation, the earth was going to hell, I had fallen asleep instead of packing.... Yeah I was like... Apathy panicing

So somehow I still got myself together, I still don't know how or why I know it involved my family but I don't know how if they were just "were at the shelter" and I was like "oh right shelter" Hahah could have been that simple

Anyhow it was... Like... No chance of me making it by running back :) so my kind dream world dreamt up a helicopter for me

I saw someone else had landed one too on the farm and the farmer just closed the door to the shelter from the outside so I was hiiii wait for meeee

And he was calm as ever and just, Ofc there's room for u (: head on in

He closed the door behind me

It was a super big place, u know those nuclear war scare bases from like was it 70ties? 60ties? Whole ass house down here

Still I was scared because the shelter wasn't a bunker, it was above ground, all we could hope for was the walls being strong enough to take on asteroids

In the beginning there were lots of ppl, when the real moment grew closer it was just me and my family in that space

Idk what happened with the rest

The farmer never got inside Idk what happened to him

But there was this big panorama window, which again made me nervous like how much it could take, but it was also like... Ok... Live right here and now what is gonna happen

And then the first asteroid hit, and it smashed the car out front and everyone was kinda nervously joking like "hate to be that guy" but also it was a ok... It has started...

Are we in the middle of it, how many more, was that it? Did it all hit at once or were they in different distances?

And then is kinda starts raining boulders

Like these things are all from x5 to x20 my own size but I'd have nothing on their weight lol

Whole ground starts shaking like the room breaks free because it kinda shoots up from the force of asteroids hitting the ground, room starts to move and were in for a ride that we all can watch from that window... It was surreal

I know one of the smaller asteroids bouncing off a big one and hitting the window and it left a good dent so we were like "okay and that was a baby one" so we all knew if a big one hit we'd probably be smashed like the car

Nothing around us was looking the same anymore, it was just explosion after explosion and since we didn't have a view of the sky (we were sliding downwards the mountain side towards the lake so we were kinda more facing down than seeing the sky) so we had no way of knowing if it was over or not

If any boulders were chasing us or not, waiting to crush us loll

Then we got to a halt and the first second we did mom opened the door and was like "tahats it?" and I was like???? It might not be??? Close the door??? For all our sake???

And she was just like naaah who cares, as usual it's about what she wants and she knows best uwu

So I ditched them LMAO

I got out of the shelter, found some girl that had survived, she was all happy and giddy because scientists would have so much new data to work with in the future, and we were both like wow that happened

Idk if that was it or if there were more asteroids coming, anyway it didn't feel scary anymore and I woke up :O

[aroberuka]

Evens for writers ask meme?

2. Where is yourfavourite place to write?

Either the kitchen table, which is the perfect height for my laptop & the only place in the house that gets sunlight in the morning, or my bed tbh.

4. Do you have anywriting habits/rituals?

Not writing habits so to speak but I do have a getting ready to write ritual that mostly consists of dragging myself out of bed and going for a walk.

6. Favourite characteryou’ve written?

Mouse!Surana, hands down. I kinda just made her on the spot for that one oneshot and as a result she ended up radically different from my usual OCs (they’re not usually this… driven xD), which made her such a blast to write.

8. Do you have anywriting buddies or critique partners?

@coppercaravan​ has been both for a little bit over a year and they’re such a pleasure to work with tbh.

10. Pick an author (orwriting friend) to co-write a book with

1) @coppercaravan we should stick our OCs together and see what happens, y/y?

2) That being said it’s super easy to get me to write with you literally all you have to do is drop into my inbox like “hey we should write a thing” and be very patient with my spoonie ass.

12. Which story ofyours do you like best? why?

Honestly it’s the quasiplatonic solavellan fic. I love Tathas, I put a lot of work and also a lot of me into it, I have a lot of thoughts about what’s coming next and I really wish I could finish it already esp since it wouldn’t be that long (like. 8-10 chapters tops, not counting a potential Trespasser sequel) but I haven’t been able to get in a DAI mood for forever x_x

14. What does it takefor you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)

Ideally I’d need the stars to align perfectly on a week with two Mondays, but more realistically what I need is:

-a playlist, or at least a couple artists that’ll put me in the right mood

-character sheets with some basic info + relationship charts + their stake in the plot

-a rough chapter by chapter plan that will inevitably fly out the window by the time I finish chapter 1.

16. Cover love/dreamcovers?

Not really, no.

18. Tell us about thatone book you’ll never let anyone read

So back in January there was that self-insert month thing, and I figured why the hell not, but b/c I’m apparently unable to write self-indulgent fluff and also I was in a Mood it turned into a writing as therapy thing and now I don’t know what to do with it b/c on the one hand I do want to write it & I think it would help me deal with some stuff but on the other idk that I would ever be able to let anyone read it, let alone post it online.

20. Any advice foryoung writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

Length is overrated, short chapters are fine and the only good piece of writing advice is that there is no such thing as universal writing advice.

22. Tell us about thebooks on your “to write” list

… I’m not gonna give you a full list b/c it would be ridiculous but the ones that are on my brain atm are:

-- Présages aka The Novel aka that one story about ghosts that turned into a story about the importance of healthy communication & a good support system.

-- A novella about an aromantic protag that was supposed to be a subplot of the previous but is now its own thing so I can give it the attention it deserves.

-- A fantasy novel that started with me listening to too much critical role and is basically a thinly disguised metaphor for fighting against depression.

(All of them are depression books tbh and I’m not even a little bit sorry.)

And then there’s the fics:

-- A post Akuze longshot feat. Leo, grief and politics.

-- A Leverage/HP crossover feat. pre-canon Eliot, wizards and poor attempts at dragon smuggling.

-- A CCS/Naruto crossover that I’ll probably never write tbh b/c the sheer size of it is terrifying to me, but I like to dust it off every other month anyway b/c I put a lot of thought into it.

24. Do you remember themoment you decided to become a writer/author?

I don’t remember the moment I started to write – that was a long long time ago – but the moment I decided to become a writer I’m pretty sure was when I read The Princess Bride, b/c I very distinctly remember closing the book and going “I wish I’d written that”.

26. What’s the mostresearch you’ve ever put into a book?

It’s kinda hard to tell tbh b/c my research, like everything else, tends to be scattered in short bursts over months/years, but my most recent research-heavy project has been the Leverage/HP crossover, which has led me to a lot of reading on poaching/smuggling as I tried to figure out how one would go about smuggling a dragon.

Turns out there’s no actual book on dragon smuggling but I ended up learning a lot about butterfly smuggling, which as it turns out is

1)a thing

2)very serious business.

28. How do you stayfocused on your own work and how do you deal with comparison?

I don’t. I don’t stay focused on anything, ever. I also deal very poorly with comparison even tho the only one doing the comparing is my own self.

30. Do you like to readbooks similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

I do! I find it very helpful esp. when I’m writing in a genre/style I’m not used to. I try to avoid it with fanfiction tho so as to avoid accidentally absorbing other people’s headcanons into my own work.

32. On average how muchdo you write in a day? do you have trouble staying focused/gettingthe word count in?

Tbh I usually count in ‘pages’ (quote/unquote b/c I’m using my own format which is considerably shorter than what you probably think of when you hear ‘page’), and I’m trying to get myself to two pages a day for The Novel but I’m considerably slower when I’m not writing in French b/c language is hard.

34. Unpopular writingthoughts/opinions?

-- Character death is overrated.

-- The idea that conflict is necessary to tell a good story is highly subjective and even if it wasn’t a good conflict shouldn’t just boil down to ‘characters being horrible (or downright abusive) to each other’/‘characters being forced to commit or witness atrocities’ over and over again.

-- Romance is boring and so is smut.

-- Young/aspiring writers need positive feedback way, way more than criticism, constructive or not; constructive criticism overall is overrated (which isn’t to say that it’s never useful but like it’s not The One True Way For A Writer To Improve that a lot of ppl try to sell it as).

36. Post a snippet

She’s always been lucky is the thing.

Lucky to find the Reds when she needed them, lucky to lose them when she no longer did, lucky to get caught by the right people at the right time, lucky to be offered military service instead of prison, lucky that Anderson had seen something in her no-one else ever had.

Lucky to survive doesn’t feel so special.

38. How do you nailvoice in your books?

Honestly that is one thing that comes p much naturally to me? Like whenever I write in a character’s voice I can usually ‘hear’ what I’m writing so to speak, which makes things considerably easier tbh.

40. Do you look up toany of your writer buddies?

What kind of question is that I look up to all of y'all??? I’m not even kidding here y’all are amazing and talented and I’m so thrilled I got to meet all of you?

42. How many drafts doyou usually write before you feel satisfied?

I’d say 2-3 though it’s kinda hard to tell b/c I don’t strictly speaking work in full drafts, I tend to go back and forth between paragraphs instead.

44. Why (and when) didyou decide to become a writer?

I must have been like 16 or something. Hell if I remember why except I love stories and it seemed like a good idea at the time?

46. Past or presenttense?

I actually prefer past tense despite my current inability to write it (idk why all my fic end up being present tense but I suspect English).

48. Do you prefer towrite skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?

I mean most of my fics are already under 500 words long can you imagine if I actually cut stuff from them? :p

50. Do you share yourrough drafts or do you wait until everything is all polished?

I tend to wait until everything is polished but also, again, it’s super easy to get me to share rough drafts or even outlines with you b/c I am weak and crave validation.

52. Who do you writefor?

Me. Always.

Like listen the fact is actually talking openly & honestly about personal stuff even to people who have been there for me in the past is literally the hardest thing for me to do and I got so damn good at avoiding it I don’t even have to think before I do it anymore, and sometimes it feels like writing is the only way I can actually properly communicate anymore. So yeah I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about ppl loving what I write but it will always be first and foremost something I do for myself.

54. Favourite firstline/opening you’ve written?

already answered here

[leaveharmony]

I told ya  the shot with Shinsuke was high-water for pictures of me!  XD

*giggling*  In my defense I wasn’t expecting to take one.

So my day!  Was pretty amazing!  I’ve gotta cut this cos it’s gonna be long :D

I knew Mick (+Noelle) and Bret were gonna be at comic-con this weekend, but as it was so close to the house show we went to last weekend and I had a sore back all week, plus mum's knee was acting up, we weren't sure we'd be able to go.  But last night we concluded that it was a chance we likely wouldn't ever get again, and what the hell.  I pulled my hardcover 1st edition of his first book off the shelf where it's been kept with the others for what...18 years? and packed it up for the trip.  Probably due to all the other distractions it didn't seem as heavy as a 500+ page monster ought to have lol

We actually had a train adventure beforehand, b/c GO transit has expanded service a bit to Barrie, so, there was an 11:02 (or something) train down.  It was literally cheaper for both of us to go down AND BACK on the train than it was for a one way bus trip, just had to  get to Barrie first.  Plus, c'mon, it was a train.  Lol.  I haven't been on a train since kindergarten.  Mum kept giggling her head off every time the whistle blew at a crossing.  We sat facing the wrong way on the trip down, which really made me dizzy so we switched it up for the way home...

Honestly the only minor hiccup in the journey was when we got to Union station, with all the construction, it was a touch confusing finding which way to head to  the PATH over to the convention centre.  As always, a lovely TTC employee guided our way.  Contrary to experiences w/ Fan Expo in the past, the entrance off the PATH walkway into the convention centre proper were actually open today, so we didn't have to go outside in the wind & snow at all.  Usually it's a long wind down a big ramp and then down some stairs, across a little...sort of green sidewalky area and then down more stairs, then walking a few blocks to the spiral parking garage, but this was like...a less than five minute walk.  Aces.

We actually got a little more lost on the convention floor than we had at Union station lol...I ah, temporarily misinterpreted the floor plan map, so we took a slight detour on the way to the signing area.  Mum made me take a picture of a guy dressed like Alf, tacky tourist shirt and all.  I saw a few genderbent Road Hoggs, at least one Lara Croft, three separate and distinct Negans, a few dozen Harleys, a couple in really well-done Skyrim armour...some people went full-steampunk, bustle skirts and all, there was somebody with a baby dressed like pikachu lol.  Many cosplayers.  Bless their hearts, I wouldn’t have the energy.

The only other time we've been to the winter comic-con as opposed to Fan Expo was in like 2003, when we went to go see RVD - it was a much smaller area in a different location and pretty sparsely attended by comparison, though this one on its busiest day was still prolly only half as crowded as FE would be on that saturday.  We went by a few ppl with wheelchairs and mobility scooters who were probably finding it much less of a chore than  usual to navigate because there was actually space to...well, give them space.   Anyway my point being, I got a bit confused because the signing area tends to change from year to year and sometimes even day to day.  This time though it was over by the food court area (I went in the exact opposite direction at first lol)

So we got in Mick's line :)  He and Noelle were sharing a table, next to Bret Hart and uh...somebody I had no idea who the hell he was.  Looked like a default video game character though.  Brunette, white, a little stubble.  Name entirely escapes me. 

A con-worker asked if we were doing a selfie or an autograph, reason being, for autographs you wrote your name on a sticky so you wouldn't have to spell it out to him when you got up there, just show him the sticky - this has gotta be the most genius idea I've ever heard lol B/c when I say ‘spontaneous’ I mean ‘prepared for at least three days in advance,’ on the off chance we made it down to see him, I made a little santa-hat ornament for him on Thursday night.  Bret was away on a break when we got in our line, which moved very slowly because, well.  You'll see.   Another con worker was keeping the line to the left, occasionally walking up and down singing, wearing elf-ear cuffs lol.  I think her name was Bernadette but I'm not 100% certain, it definitely started with a B.  She was, appropriately enough for the ear jewelry, sort of the selfie-elf, someone to take the pictures w/ guest cameras.

As we got closer up it became more apparent why we were moving a little slower than I've previously experienced in such lines - b/c Mick Foley is like...the undisputed champion of making ppl feel like he's known you all your life, and did a lot of chatting w/ everybody who went up.

When it came to our turn, for instance, he was glancing at his phone - he immediately explained at some length that “mom” (I'm assuming he here meant Collette, b/c my father also refers to mum as “mom” when I'm included in the conversation, and Noelle kinda was - but I suppose it may have been his own mother, or mother in law) was having some heavy-drama travel fun of her own lol.  I guess she told him “I had to take a TRAIN!” making it sound, as Mick put it, “Like she was on a frontier trek or a world-tour on the orient express,” but what she actually meant was she had to catch the same shuttle he'd ridden “like 400 times” in the past lol.  He said there would be a lengthy “you wouldn't BELIEVE...” story about it later.  “One for the next book!” I said, laughing.   He segued easily into a hello and a what can I do for you?  So I handed over the book, which was still full of place-markers and dog-ears from the last time I read it. 

He took care of the signing business, and then told me he liked all of my jewelry and stuff (I actually went light on it today).  Noelle chimed in that she did too (she is such a sweetheart).  He summoned over Bernadette to make sure I saw her elf-ear cuffs and light-up necklace lol.

Then he pulled out a little yellow coin purse from his fanny pack (his fanny pack!) asking if I wanted to see his ring.  I sort of assumed it would be like, the HOF ring, and said it was probably fancier than mine.  “I doubt it, it's in here with two of my teeth!” he said cheerfully, and produced instead a ‘horseshoe ring’ made at Santa's Village lol.  He was certain to note that this was not the Santa's Village here in Ontario, but one in the 'states (I found this deeply endearing b/c who the hell knows about our rinky dink little santa's village who didn't grow up here?  As a child on their kid-sized motorized tricycles, I once mistook the handlebar reverse lever for the gas and promptly drove backwards, up over a curb.  I lost that race.  I should have told him that one lol).  Noelle was laughing the whole time b/c she didn't realize he kept the ring with his dental plate.   His ring story was, that I guess when Christy Hemme was getting married she wanted, coincidentally, to give horseshoe rings away as favors to the guests but didn't know where to find them - he happened to overhear, “Did you say you were looking for horseshoe rings?”  “You've come to the right guy!” I volunteered.  So he got in touch w/ his peeps at Santa's village and they sent a whole box of the things.  lol.   “It's getting a little rusty now,” he lamented fondly, spinning it on his finger.   “Yeah, cos you keep it in with your teeth!” said Noelle, still laughing. “That was actually the perfect segueway though,” I said, “Cos I made you something silly.” I handed over the ornament in its little santa-decorated bag (I had one left over that I'd made last christmas, somehow it never got put away, funny how things work out).  He immediately said he loved the bag & asked where I'd found it, I told him I made that too.  He actually asked me if he could open it lol.  I said, of course!

I believe he was quite pleased with the santa-hat ornament lol.  He said, “This is going right in the Christmas Room when we get home tomorrow.”  “Ooh, you made the Christmas Room!” said Noelle. He tucked it back in the bag and couldn't remember how the tie had gone, so I was trying to sort of explain...lol...we were all watching raptly as he tried to re-tie the little bow.  Noelle teasingly offered to help.  “He'll get it,” I said, “I believe in him.”  He did get it, or near enough   <3  and put it in his fanny pack - tbh I'm as proud of making the fanny pack as I am of making the Christmas Room XD

He asked if there was anything else he could do for me and I thought, “Welp!” I explained that I had a friend in the states, who wanted to be a wrestler, and who struggled with depression, like I do, and I thought that maybe he could sign something for her and it might cheer her up a little.  He asked how long I'd/we'd had trouble & I told him...he talked a little about how after so many concussions he'd had some difficulties that way too, but, it can get better.  So hang in there - both of us, hang in there.  “That's not really medical advice, but,” he grinned.  “I'll take it anyway,” I said.   He had a few pictures there for signing - he immediately pulled a Dude Love.  “It's gotta be Dude Love,” he explained.  “Nothing says ‘cheer up’ like Dude Love.” So @yungcrybby-anonymousbosch, I ah, I have a signed Dude Love to send you.  lol.  <3

(I blurred the name on the scan ‘cos you may not want it Generally Known - actually since I didn’t have a sticky I think he just took his best guess and made it a bit deliberately shaky so, if you squint hard enough it could say anything you wanted it to lol)

(Noelle pointed out how cool the coke bottle shades w/ the RAW logo were.  I believe he said they were ‘groovy’)

He asked if we were there for a selfie too - I had trouble stammering an answer b/c of course per the vulture policy that the con operates under, y'have to pay for a selfie separately and b/c we'd gone down last-minute there was no time to grab any more cash than what we had on hand (nor would I have, as I always say, no picture with me in it is worth paying for lol).  He took my meaning though, and made a Nick Fury executive decision about the separate fee, summoning Bernadette again lol.  As I say he’s quite chatty, and at this point got distracted w/ a quick update from another con-worker RE: something he’d sent him to find out, I think.  In the interim we chatted w/ Noelle a little, she asked us if we lived in Toronto.  “We’re up north, actually,” I said, “We actually did take the train!” Anyway, HENCE, why I now have two goofy selfies w/ my mum and Mick Foley, hardcore legend and lord of the sweethearts.   I just realized that it immortalizes my pink kinesio tape lol.  And sensei kinda made the picture too, via my Takeover TO shirt.  Joe is hidden by purse straps though.  No wonder he’s always so angry.

As mum was checking out the selfie w/ Bernadette and stowing her camera, he quietly asked if he could ask about my hand.   “Oh, it's congenital,” I explained.  He pointed out one of the people in the line who I'd actually noticed before, cos he'd gone up to talk to Bernadette at one point, in a wheelchair and missing part of one arm as well - Mick must have talked to him a few times already cos he explained it'd had been a bout of childhood meningitis, resulting in multiple amputations.  I'd actually assumed that when I saw the guy go by, having seen the signs before.   He said, he'd been a little uncertain personally when he decided to cut his hair, 'cos it was the first time his ear had been really exposed/on display in a decade or so.  But, he figured, that differences are important.  “That's not professional advice either,” he said.  I hugged him a little lol.  He said he appreciated us coming all the way down on the train just to see him (I didn’t think he’d even heard that bit) Just as he was turning back to his table and we were saying goodbye, I had to do it - I said “Hey - do me a solid: don't let Smackdown have Nakamura!” He started laughing and noted that might be beyond his pay grade XD So we said our goodbyes to him and Noelle and ...just yay.  :)

Primary mission completed, we went to find something to drink, 'cos we were both pretty parched by that point.  Ended up at one of the quieter food booths, a sorta coffee/sandwich kinda deal.  I had a turkey/tomato/spinach sandwich that I would like to pay special tribute to because it was so fucking good.  lol.  I will love you forever, sandwich, couldn't have made it without ya.

There was a train home at 4:28 but we weren't entirely sure if we'd be able to make it, the alternative being a bus at 7:15.  So we wandered around looking at various booths and things for a while.  Wasn't much there I needed, though it's always interesting to look at stuff.  My nerd ass ended up buying a Sailor Moon pill case, at least 50% because the packaging was in japanese lol.  I bought a cameo sugar skull pendant, too.  Idk where the mental disconnect happened cos I intended to grab a red one to match my Nakamura stuff and ended up like, lizard-braining and taking purple instead.  I guess my heart wanted purple today & overruled the hand.  IT'S STILL NEAT. We also went looking for a sorta...it's like a sized-up card protector, for 9x11's or whatever the size of the Dude Love picture is lol.  I didn't want to put it in my backpack unprotected cos it 100% would have gotten beaten to hell in there, especially w/ like 5lbs of Foley antecdotes to contend with.  It’s win-win cos I can mail it that way, too.  We tried one place first & they didn’t have one, but drew us a map on the con floor plan to someone who did hahaha.  So we had a side-quest, to follow, too.

We did, actually, end up making the early train home...I can't tell you what luxury it was to be home by the time the bus would have been -leaving-

But yeah...yeah.  That was a hell of a nice day.

[glarehand]

below cut bc its cringey but remember when marching band aus were a thing

ok so the other day as a joke i was like kain would be a member of color guard and i havent been able to unremember it. he so would be though like??? i’m not wrong

he doesn’t mind the hair and makeup bc he already does that anyway, the ppl are just a bit too loud for him (isn’t everyone) so he always clings to cecil and rosa instead 

he also refuses to wear the “male” uniforms like they’re usually wearing pants anyways what’s the difference? who cares if he’s wearing sequins or a half skirt on top of the pants

cecil is on trombone bc it’s a difficult fucking instrument with no guidelines (kinda like the whole dark knight thing lol)

he plays really well and is always helping the other members of his section but is always told to play louder bc he’s rly quiet esp for a backbone instrument like that

edge is on tenor drums- self-explanatory. loud, flashy AND a backbone instrument. may have tried to trip kain a few times while the latter was running past

rosa is a clarinet player but also helps w uniform assignment (+ lets the boys slack off by saying she’s still working on finding them the right sizes even though they don’t assign guard uniforms like that kain just goes anyways)

rydia is on saxophone bc it’s cute and suits her shes cute it’s FUN

way way back golbez rly only wanted to do bassoon in orchestra but was a flute player in mb before becoming a drum major

edward is a guitarist in the pit before becoming a drum major! he’s incredibly nervous but has so much support (everyone listens to him and makes sure to run back to their spots after break)

cid is the fucking pit crew manager and is everyone’s second dad (despite the actual parents helping out)

yang lifts EVERYTHING

(see convoluted ff2 ricard/richard hcs coming soon) richard doesn’t disapprove of his son being in guard (esp bc hes so fucking good?? he jumps hella high and does full splits like?? u WISH you could toss that flag and actually catch it susan) BUT he is like hmmmmmmm r u sure u wont at least cut ur hair (he won’t)

kluya and golbez work at the same research center and are often very busy but cecilia always goes to performances and tapes them so everyone can see!

golbez sometimes comes by to help lift things

rosa’s mom doesn’t necessarily disapprove of her daughter on clarinet but wouldnt u look much nicer in the guard uniform?? (no mother) get that highwind boy to switch w you

rydia’s mom provides all the water and snacks and yells at the band directors for giving the kids too short of breaks

is tellah a band director

anna plays flute in concert band and hands out water during breaks (+ convinces tellah to give everyone extra break time)

fusoya also wants everyone to have extra break time but tellah is not having it

edge’s parents are also very busy with work but leave him nice notes even on non performance days! one time they showed up to a big performance and he could not stop crying

kain sleeps in his makeup on the bus ride home and gets it all over cecil who is also asleep but with his hair half up, half undone from all the bobby pins

rosa and rydia share their jackets and huddle together! rydia also naps on the ride in (though no one knows how, is she not stressed??)

edge collapses on top of either pair occasionally, being tired of being jostled around in the back of the bus, if he isn’t playing music or singing with edward (edward squared)

section breakfasts are more like the five of them plus edward sleeping over the night before and then the parent/s of whatever house they’re all sleeping at make breakfast for them in the morning (cecilia makes entirely too much food, kain’s mother elena mistakenly lets edge try and put bacon into pancakes- which isn’t the issue, he just cant cook)

u know those fun band bonding things where u get someone else candy and stuff? yeah edge is LOADED and buys cecil like 8 chocolate bars

kain knows it’s rydia by her messy handwriting in iconic green pen before he even sees her name on the card and buys her both the sour and regular gummy worms for giving him such a thoughtful note (and two bottles of sprite) AFTER he already got her some bc somehow they were assigned each other (rydia knew it was kain because his handwriting is just as bad and he also is bad with words- he just drew her pet lizard and a message of good luck instead)

in cecil’s card to edward, he writes so many positive things that edward cries on the bus to their competition while eating the butterfingers cecil got him

edward bought rosa all kinds of wafers (chocolate, caramel, coconut, A LOT of strawberry) and slides the packages into her things when she isn’t looking (he is shy but she knows it’s him)

rosa doesn’t know anyone in the world that loves (or consumes at all) fireballs like edge (she also gets him warheads but holds off on giving him those because she knows he’ll try and eat them both at once)

post competition he is indeed trying to eat both at once, it is a BAD idea

ur not supposed to not go to school after competitions but ricard voice: yes u can in fact u all will be very busy tomorrow NOT going to school

he buys them mcdonalds and reminds them not to go to school the next day (everybody: thanks dad)

generally it is good and fun except for on hot days and football games and really cold days and when it rains and when the breaks aren’t long enough but i mean