#i know u all im quarantine might be feeling some similar things

[tonystarkstan]

Peter doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the wall. Distantly, he wonders what he must look like, knees curled into his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them in a hug, as if it’s any kind of replacement for someone else’s arms.

(It’s not.)

Things have been hectic lately. May has been forced into working longer hours at the hospital, so Peter’s staying at the cabin with Tony for two weeks. But not two days later, Morgan came down with the flu, which means they’ve spent most of their days trying to both comfort and entertain a sick child.

Despite how much he loves being with Tony and Morgan, Peter hates being away from May for too long, the previous years’ war leaving its scar on him in the form of PTSD and gut-wrenching anxiety that he’s going to turn around, and everyone he loves will be gone.

He vaguely remembers taking out his phone to text his group chat with MJ and Ned, but then they’d snapped him a picture of them laughing and baking cookies in Ned’s kitchen, and loneliness crawled through the spaces between his ribs and curled up in his lungs, and he closed the chat before he could press send.

Part of him knows that his loneliness is his fault. It’s self-imposed. But, he argues to himself, it’s for a good reason. May is under too much stress, and she doesn’t need to worry about how he’s doing when she already spends all day taking care of other people. God knows she needs time to breathe and take care of herself.

And he certainly doesn’t want to ruin Ned and MJ’s good time with his somber mood, so texting them is out of the question, he’s decided. Besides, MJ’s been dealing with enough shit from her parents recently that she deserves time to just let loose with her friend and have fun.

And Tony. Tony’s always there for Peter. He’s the one who helped Peter back to his feet, both on the battle field after Thanos and the one inside his head that followed it all. Morgan’s the one who needs Tony now.

The truth rises in his throat, blocky and bitter: people like him are exhausting. Draining and tiring. And eventually, it gets old. It gets boring. He’s used up all his Bad Brain cards and no one wants to deal with them anymore. No one should have to.

(But God, he’d like a hug. He would really, really like a hug and for someone to tell him that everything is going to be okay.)

He feels so heavy. He can’t imagine how heavy he must feel to everyone else.

So he curls up on his bed and stares at walls and gives himself hugs, because just because he’s stuck with himself, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.

Peter is so frozen, so paralyzed by the loneliness crawling up his spine that he doesn’t even hear his bedroom door open.

“Kid?” Tony whispers, and Peter squints at the light from the hallway that spills into his room. “Were you sleeping with your eyes open? Because Rhodey had a roommate in college who sometimes did that, and it was creepy as all hell.”

Peter just blinks at him, trying to pull himself up and out of the dark cave of thoughts he’d let flood his mind. He sees Tony frown and quietly close the door behind him before crossing the room and sitting on the edge of Peter’s bed.

“Peter. You good?” he asks seriously, and Peter takes a moment to remind himself that he’s an exhausting person and Tony is already exhausted before he answers.

“Yeah, I - I just can’t sleep,” Peter tells him, giving a half-truth. Tony hums, squinting through the darkness to study him for a moment.

“You know, I’ve really appreciated all your help with Morgan for the last week and half,” Tony says. “I’m not sure I’ve thanked you yet.”

“You don’t need to,” Peter protests immediately, and Tony smiles softly.

“Hush. You keep her entertained better than I can most of the time. It’s made her lot less miserable and therefore me a lot less miserable, especially with Pepper stuck in the city.”

Peter just nods. “Glad I could help then.”

For a moment, neither of them say anything. Peter thinks that maybe he’s about to leave, but then Tony says, “Alright, kid, spill. You haven’t been yourself these past few days. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Peter tries not to let surprise show on his face, but Tony reads it anyway and huffs.

“Oh, come on, give me a little more credit, bud.”

The teen offers him a small, sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

“Ah ha!” Tony says triumphantly, before quickly sobering. “So there is something wrong.”

Peter sighs, unfolding his legs and rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling and avoid Tony’s gaze.

“I just don’t feel good,” he says in a small voice, wincing at how childish it sounds spilling from his lips. Immediately, Tony shifts, sitting with his back against the headboard and Peter’s head resting next to him, hand soothingly stroking through his curls in a show of comfort.

“Can you elaborate?” Tony prompts gently, and Peter swallows thickly around the guilt stuck in his throat.

Why can’t I just be fucking okay? Why is it so fucking hard? The thoughts cause frustrated tears to spring to Peter’s eyes, and he clenches his fists into the sheets, angry at himself.

Alarmed, Tony quickly says, “Hey, hey. Pete, it’s okay. Just breathe for me. You’re okay.”

Peter blinks rapidly, willing the tears away, but they don’t go. And loneliness and sadness and every other disgusting thing sloshing through his veins and creeping in his bones rushes to his throat and tears through his teeth before he can stops it.

“I’m tired,” he bursts out, voice cracking on the word. “I’m fucking tired of feeling like this and I’m tired of being heavy and I’m tired of making other people carry it, and I’m so fucking tired of needing people to help make me better. I just want to wake up and say, ‘Alright, I’m better,’ and for that to be that. I’m tired of stressing everyone out, I’m tired of being this... this parasitic thing -”

He cuts himself off, jaw snapping shut as he realizes how much he just revealed. He turns away from Tony. Ironic, he thinks to himself. I’m rambling about how much I don’t want to worry him, and I’m only serving to worry him further. Nice one, Peter.

“Peter,” Tony breathes out, sad and horrified. “Kid, no.”

Peter feels a hand gently reach and out and turn him, and he reluctantly follows, still not looking his mentor in the eye.

“Look at me,” Tony says gently albeit firmly, and he waits patiently as Peter looks up at him. “Peter, did you notice that every time you referred to your mental illness, you were referring to how it affected other people? Not how it affected you.”

Peter pauses for a moment, not sure exactly where Tony is going with this.

“Kid, no one wants you to be better for the sake of us. We want to see you happy for your sake. And we know it’s a process. Hell, it took decades for me to get healthy, and I still find myself needing to go to Rhodey sometimes,” Tony admits. “And that’s okay. No is tired of you or whatever lies your Sick Brain’s trying to tell you. We worry about you because we love you. It’s not a chore.”

And oh.

“I... I just want to be better,” Peter says quietly, and Tony makes a noise of understanding.

“And I get that. God, I get that. But you can’t put pressure on yourself for it. You can’t give it a timeline. And you certainly can’t close yourself off to all the people who want to help you,” Tony tells him, nudging him affectionately, and nods, fidgeting with the sheets.

“I didn’t want to take your attention away from Morgan. And Ned and MJ were having fun and I couldn’t ruin that, and MJ’s already going through such a hard time anyway, and May -”

“Yeah, I’m gonna stop you there, kid,” Tony cuts in. “Here’s the thing: there is always time for the people we love. And, yeah, maybe it’s varies depending on the situation, but Morgan being sick does not mean I don’t have time to help my other sick kid. I know that’s how May feels about you and her job, too. And if your friends love you, then they’d much rather know you’re hurting and be there for you rather than suffer alone while they have fun.”

Peter sits on that a moment, letting the new information grow inside his chest. He’s not sure he entirely believes it, but he sure loves the thought of it. The thought that maybe there’s room for him, and that he doesn’t have to feel guilty for it.

Tony watches Peter’s face as the thoughts take root and makes a pleased face when he sees that the kid’s actually considering his words. He knows this is probably years of self-doubt and insecurity built up, all coming to a peak at the frustration of not recovering fast enough and the loneliness that comes with it, but it’s a start.

“C’mere,” Tony says, gently tugging Peter to him. “You need a hug.”

Peter feels tears welling up in his eyes again, but this time it’s more from relief as he shuffled into Tony’s side, leaning into his touch. Tony squeezes him tightly, and Peter smiles.

It’s much better than his own arms.

(It’s easy to think we’re alone. To think that we have to be. But we are not. And we don’t. Community is the most powerful weapon we have against the dark.)

[bangchanswolfpelt]

invading ur ask box without regard for ANYONES safety :) its thinkin about maknaes hours and i WILL share with you my pain.

bts jungkook being my first ever bias... he will always be my specialest boy (even if im now yoogi biased im sorry kookie i still love u) and lately he's been going insane i don't know what happened he has piercings?? and his hair??? catch me simping over bunny boy any day

svt dino lowkey murdering me more every second?????? his fear solo dance and the dino danceologies did me in.... sir ur talent.... also his little :] smile...... the fond exasperation he expresses around his hyungs...... *clears throat* gaydies and lentilmen..... him.

skz i.n is like. not even real to me. when did he get muscles?????????????? he's simultaneously unfairly hot and unfairly adorable (and actually the breaking point for me and the reason i decided to write this rant to u lmao <33) mr. yang jeongin u r in the middle of a very scary song (stream maniac) and u have the nerve to SMILE CUTELY at me. the NERVE. i am still in shock. not even going to talk about cheese bc i might go feral

tbz kim sunwoo. i have spoken on this man AT LENGTH. i don't think i can even express the way that he makes me feel. ultimate bf material i take absolutely no criticism. (also eric is my adorable baby who has the unfortunate (for me!!!) talent of nailing every single sexy dance in existence: see the kpop random dance video)

atz jongho i have nothing but platonic feels towards but he can also break apples with his bare hands whilst hitting notes multiple octaves than i, an afab woman, can sing so. we stan.

there are more but i will leave you to your peace. (for now).

xoxo honey anon 🍯 <3333

(ps i sent u the second svt dynamics ask a little while ago- let me know if tumblr ate it so i can resend :D but otherwise take your time!)

hello hi, literally NO ONE belongs in my ask box more than you honey, even if i am GARBAGE at clearing it out—i will endeavor to make this a better home for you, i promise :']

also you are here with MAKNAES my most unfortunate weakness

first off—JEON JUNGKOOK. i thought we were good, i thought we were safe when we hopped on the BTS train at the start of quarantine? i didn't feel weird about how young he was, but i also just wasn't that interested—he was the big buff bratty baby whom i was immensely fond of and not at all interested in fucking!! and then—"MY TIME" HAPPENED??? i spent the entire lead up to the online concert ready for him to decimate me with something SAD, but then he was HOT(and sad)????? i'm p sure i still have like 2k of messy fucking sitting in scrivener that i wrote in a horny fugue state trying to cope with the sudden revelation 💀

don't even get me started about his piercings!! he got that eyebrow piercing just as i was considering getting one, then he did the exact same thing to me with the lip piercing??? i'm so mad at him always, but also so incredibly fucking soft, he's My Baby (exasperated, horny)

hahaha, christ, aND DINO—back when i was first getting into Seventeen and i swore '97 was my line in the sand, i said that looking at Dino felt like looking down the barrel of Chekhov's gun. i don't know when act 2 hit, but we sure as fuck are in it now!! it is so easy to get lost in the crowd when you have twelve big brothers, but he is so begrudgingly fond, and also just constantly working his ass off and you can tell and i love him for it🥺

(not to mention that the drive to prove himself has to mean some wild s—*gunshots*)

Jeongin!! ahahaha, every time i am reminded he has biceps i want to expire. i am not surprised he was your breaking point, i decimated a whole discord thread with pictures of his hands and took like thirty points of psychic backsplash damage in the process. he's so carelessly hot and goofy and cute and a little sadistic and deranged, it simply is not fair!!

he also very often gives me a similar vibe to Dino?? in that being The Baby is something that he's not particularly suited for and maybe even occasionally grates on him, but also calculating and spoiled along the same vein as JK, where he's totally willing to lean into it for whatever advantages/leeway it gets him. Maknae On Top, bitches 🥲

Sunwoo~~ do not get me started~~~ about garbage boy pretty boy awful insufferable slut of a boy Kim Sunwoo~~~~~

i'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure that boy isn't my bias, but sometimes i look at the album on my phone dedicated exclusively to pictures of him eating and i'm not so sure. you say ultimate boyfriend material, i say ultimate nightmare material, and i don't think those are necessarily contradictory statements. @tmrwxtg dropped his cover of 100 Degrees on me forever ago, and there might be a summer heat wave au simmering in my drafts because of it 😓🥵💀

and Eric. oh god. Eric. i have said unholy, criminal things about Eric in the shadowy corners of discord and i will leave it at that. i've done away with MOST of my shame, but the things Eric makes me think... that boy ain't fuckin safe around me. 👿

oh man, Jongho. i have paid so little attention to him, it is criminal. i am with you on the platonic adoration train—he is such a sweet little bear, i just wanna ruffle his hair like he is my Actual Little Brother even if i would probably have to climb a ladder to do so. he seems so reliable, too—i would trust him to crack my neck with those apple-destroying hands🐻

and i got the second part of svt dynamics, it's going up soon!! you really are such a treasure😭🥺🥰

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[haitanirindo]

hi this is the “diagnosis” anon from a few days ago (the bummed out one) (I shall sign w a Ferris wheel in any future anon asks bc Ferris wheel emoji Cute™️ and Criminally Underutilized®️)... You’re right the whole sort of ‘crash’ was about 4-5 months ago wasn’t it, maybe 6? I think it was probably bc of the hellishly-timed coinciding of: a lot of the new fans starting to sort of settle more firmly into their niches in the fandom (a few months after ATLAs rerelease; they’d had time to develop their opinions and be exposed to diff. parts of the fanbase), quarantine jitters like you said, and the drama w/ the whole live action fiasco + avatar studios and all the rumors, speculations and arguments that followed. OH and a similar influx in TLOK fans too, I actually never realized that would also probly be a factor til now.

I know a lot of other blogs stepping back or dialing back from the fandom (self included) so part of me has hopes that things might calm down soon or at least after a few months. But I honestly really doubt it ‘cause oh god I am so worried abt the live action and tbh avatar studios too. I honestly wish neither of them were gonna happen bc Im scared that they’re just gonna make the fanbase even more divided:(

I dont really know what to do.... at this point I’m just trying to find/identify chill accounts to follow. Thankfully there are still some lovely chill folks out there who are just vibing and can be critical of their own or other ships w/o being melodramatic assholes or making exaggerated sweeping accusations. I’m just really sad that this is all happening... the little groups I was in used to be so supportive and open and now everyone’s just turning on each other:/

(Sorry for writing like a whole ass essay in your inbox abt this I just have so many complicated feelings abt the fanbase rn and u seem to get it i hope you are well)

-🎡

hi 🎡 anon! watching your friend groups/internet circles dissolve sucks, i feel you on that one :/

i’m trying to stay optimistic about the live action and avatar studios but you’re probably right about them dividing the fandom even further (unfortunately). on one hand i’m so excited for more ATLA content but on the other... fandom drama is bound to happen. especially surrounding the live action, considering the (hopefully fake) news that’s come out about it.

(also it’s okay pls leave essays in my ask box, i don’t mind at all. i hope ur doing well, too).

[gg-astrology]

Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are? 

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me? 

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island 

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out! 

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious! 

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think? 

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know? 

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️    

Friends (expanded, clarifications?) 

The ones I mention on the blog are usually 

taurus/taurus, 

cancer/cancer, 

leo/libra, 

leo/cap (x2), 

virgo/sag, 

libra/aries (x2), 

scorpio/sag, 

scorpio/cap, 

sag/taurus, 

pisces/scorpio, 

pisces/aqua,  

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️ 

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I  admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua. 

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️ 

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now. 

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there. 

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️ 

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms. 

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️ 

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️ 

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️ 

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon: 

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

[jewel-s-blog]

about me + bias list

 hi there, I’m jewel :)

she/her/hers ・ 20 ・ kpop (writing) blog

Yes, Jewel is my real name although my parents admit I was supposed to be named elizabeth but changed their minds last minute after I was born how cute and I’m currently in university. I study political science and japanese for those wondering (because yes, I am japanese and it’s helpful when you live in hawaii to have that degree yk?). If any of this stuff is even mildly interesting and you have any curiosities, pls feel free to ask me!

I try to write some things when I can, so feel free to take a look at my masterlist. I also read A LOT of fics on this site, so also peep my recs if you feel like it. Warning: its mostly fluff and angst and almost always includes smut but there’s some really good stuff worth reading still! 

Feel free to talk to me :) i don’t have any kpop friends irl :( all my friends are locals smh 

I try my hardest to be active as much as possible but it’s taken me over a year to finally get used to tumblr lol marklee and i both struggle with complex technology i guess Of course, there are times when I get busy with college and will probably seem to drop off the face of the planet exam season kills but now that I’ve been in quarantine for a month, I figured now is the best time to start building an active tumblr routine. 

That’s all for now! Keep reading below for my bias list :)

xoxo, jewel <3

Bias List 

Before I begin, I will warn that this is basically a giant NCT shxtpost. With LOTS of hyperlinks for educational purposes and absolute crackhead-ery. I’ll eventually make a separate list for other groups I stan, but this blog is mainly NCT and this is already so long so I’ll leave it as this. Enjoy!

Biases are bolded in the beginning of each unit, so you can skip everything after if you don’t wanna see my ramblings following it.

A/N: After biasing nearly every member in NCT/WayV I’ve settled for now on my biases for each unit. This will most likely rotate fairly regularly as I literally fall in love with a different member every day cited here. solo stan? I don’t know her.

ULT

Jaehyun  *ahem excuse me i mean* 

Johnny Suh, it’s official. Don’t know how to explain, but I love everything about him. In the end, it’s always him. damn i sound like y/n thoughts but istg it’s true From SM Rookies to NCT Life to MV behinds, he’s the one. But I’ve also come to realize that I find myself most relatable to him as a person and I think that’s why no one else can trump him wow narcissist much jewel It’s kind of just my gut feeling. It also helps that hes the fluffiest tall, muscular tight booty hottie on the planet. See this black on black dance practice for further scientific explanation even in this jaehyun trying to wreck me so badddddd

Not gonna lie, I HAD IT BAD FOR MARK LEE still do and yet Johnny overcame that. If mark lee were my first love, johnny is my soulmate.

UPDATE! 

Lee Jeno has officially been added to the ult list. *See the entirety of my april activity on my sns accounts if you would like to see how this happened haha :)

NCT U  

im in love with him bc he literally reminds me of my boyfriend -- i like chill guys ok

Taeil is my little teddy bear who looks great in red hair and has a voice form heaven. Evidence? Here you go. He didn’t stand out to me much in the beginning because I was either deaf or blind but after Chain, the game was OVER. +moon taeil in shorts?? serve them thighs honey. Love you bebe tomato <3

BUT Doyoung is the #1 bias wrecker here because have you seen his cover of beautiful on masked singer?? have you?? if not, let me educate you. Also his collab with Sejeong?? Literally the cutest MV ever, perfect for Christmas, listened to it every year since it’s release.

Listen to Coming Home - NCT U for further scientific evidence that NCT has top vocals in the kpop industry.

NCT 127

THE Jung Jaehyun. For reasons that need no explanation. but ill give it anyway smh

After watching the performance of herin and jaehyun singing a whole new world I knew that was it for me. (I still watch it once a month for my jaehyun-related health and to honor SM’s biggest loss, seo herin and ji hansol but thats for another conversation) back to jaehyun His vocals are unique in NCT and bring a nice color to their songs, the man looks good in literally anything, and I’ll probably say this about every member, but I love his dance style--body rolls for days sis. Definitely my ideal type, which my boyfriend is 100% aware of; no secrets in my relationship ofc which explains the wreckage. Pretty sure 81% of the fandom gets wrecked by him daily, so I think I’ll stop here. 

NCT Dream 

Renjun.  why? i just think he’s neat but no really, it was this performance (ok actually this got me ALL SORTS OF WRECKED) and this fancam that had me falling in love with him but were gonna ignore the fact that I get bias wrecked DAILY by all the other members  GOd-tier vocals, personality for daysssssss, variety KING HUANG RENJUN. Safe to claim that I go into renjun feels about 3x a week. Check my twitter for proof. +dnyl renjun was a blessing and I sometimes cant believe that it actually happened. How do I explain?? He’s literally the best boy, but when he gets all worked up....let’s stop there before I have to go to confession again.

But for fun, lets list why I have biased every dream member at some point shall we? (in no particular order) Dream might just be my ult group, songs always bop, members at star quality 

mark- yes i am including mark bc he was the reason i even started stanning dream dreamies leader since mmc days, mentor, A1 rap skills, ad libs go crazy, unparalleled dancing style, hardest worker, cutest watermelon advocate ever, all around amazing person can you tell he used to be my ult? + he’s a good christian boy and my catholic *ss has to confess my sins for being a simp for him 24/7

chenle- vocal GOD, most steady live vocals in kpop, laugh to die for

jeno- i cannot resist his eye smile i wanna cuddle and onstage charisma-2:54 “let’s goooooo” and i alskfdfjlkdldkfa. 

jaemin- “other than my members, i don’t have any friends” and yet he’s literally the most caring and wonderful little puff in existence fight me pls dont im a pacifist 

heachan- idk why but donghyukie feels like he could be my best friend and also cant stop staring at him in their dance practices his body proportions are unreal and his vocal ad libs?? don’t even get me STARTED on heachans vocals

jisung- he is my son, but also my son’s vocals?? MWAH that voice got me second guessing if he’s really my son 

WayV 

Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul another member where it kinda just....happened? In the end I was like “damn, when did you sneaky bugger get in my heart?” He’s got a similar vibe as Johnny AND DO NOT COME FOR MY THROAT FOR SAYING THAT THATS MY OPINION Like Johnny, I see myself in Ten. There are so many reasons why I love Ten, so I’ll make it simple and provide them to you. 

Reason 1 - Performance/dance  he just hit different, he’s THAT good. Reason 2 - vocals the amount his vocals has improved?? UNMATCHED. Reason 3 - INTELLECTUAL (still trying to find the clip of him talking about different kinds of love) Reason 4 - multi-lingual KING ok so this vid is him struggling in mandarin, but imagine, you speak thai and english and learn korean to debut and all of a sudden your agency says “ok learn chinese now.” MANDARIN IS ONE OF THE HARDEST LANGUAGES TO LEARN. Reason 5 - bad b*tch he just radiates bad bitxh energy in everything he does, and I appreciate a bad bitxh

BUT I love wayv’s chaotic energy and chemistry so much that I literally love them all dreamies watch out 

+special shoutout to xiaojuns vocals in Love Talk

+kun being a dimpled zaddy (jaehyun&kun type CONFIRMED)

+lucas holding binoculars like THAT @ 1:10

+yangx2 doing THIS (prepare to be blown away)

+hendery being a the best teacher 

+winwin BEING WINWIN THE DANCE GOD 

+winwin AGAIN and with Ten here i don’t even think i have to say that i tweeted about this everyday for a month and im still not over it. This specific dance really allowed winwin to shine even though ten is my bias. It really allowed others to see the fruit of his classical training even in modern dance which he never trained in. Not gonna be repetitive and SCREAM  say that he’s underrated, because we all know that already. Just show winwin some love, ok? thank you.

And so finally, we’ve reached the end. Phew, this took me almost 5 hours to put together because I definitely got carried away. For those who made it all the way to the end, thank you, I love you. It’s so messy and I don’t have the mental capacity to do anymore editing but I hope you got something from this massive post <3 Feel free to let me know what you think! xoxo, jewel

[thisnerdsadventures]

end of semester 4.2....... oh my god

and just like that, we have hit the end of 4 years together. i remember when i started this blog, i really thought it was gonna die within like three months, but im so glad i kept this up because its very rewarding to look back and see how much i’ve grown and all the things i’ve done as an undergrad. But all good things it seems must come to an end to make way for new beginnings - there will be more emo posts to come, but for now, here is my wrapup of the semester!

computer and network security - you will recall that i took computer systems security the other semester, but this class is much more math-y and focused on crypto and such. Notably, ron rivest teaches this class (he made RSA encryption!) which is a big reason of why i’m taking it and also why a lot of people i know are taking it. so far, the class seems all right, i haven’t had to angst until 3am about it yet (which some of you might be like “oh this is just the second week though” but oho last semester i was already in tears over operating hell by this time) 

So for some odd reason, ron didn’t lecture like half the time? uh lol, but yeah i think i learned one or two things in this class, i definitely feel like i would’ve learned a lot more had we actually been on campus and had I gone to lecture and such, but i guess this is kinda what happens during a pandemic. quality content though, very interesting

intelligent multi-modal UI - i was tied between taking this class and taking another UI class, but since I ended up with a conflict with the other, I’m now taking this one. This class gives me major interactive music systems vibes because its a lot of implementing interactive systems (oh this makes sense now) with I’m assuming an AI component???? anyways, the professor seems super cool, he went off today about how Apple originally was not a fan of styluses, but now they’re all in with the new iPad Pros and such. should be a chill-ish class hopefully

um so i guess the class was ok??? again, i know i mentioned this in another post, but i didnt feel very excited by any of my technicals this semester, which explains the lack of interest in this reflection. But yeah i made a thing, u can check out the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m3m3e3M9jM

Basically it’s a system that lets you drum in the air and change chords and rhythm and such. Again, probably would’ve tried a little harder and learned more if i were on campus, but those are the circumstances. also this class cemented the fact that i dont like machine learning, ok moving on

negotiation -  ANYWAYS our first class was yesterday, and it was fun and a little nerve-wracking because of the hype, but definitely very different from any class I’ve taken here. but its refreshing to have a class led that with that kind of enthusiasm where everyone in the class is also really excited to be there. I think it’s easy to get caught up with a lot of classes here because people don’t really want to be in class a lot of times, but this class was definitely a different story. super excited to be able to learn a lot this semester

I’m definitely writing a longer post on this coming soon, but wow. This class taught me so much. I also was really intrinsically motivated to learn as much as i could in this class, and it was refreshing to be in a class that i was that excited about and surrounded by people who were also that excited to be there. Not gonna lie, it was pretty demanding, I definitely hit the 12 hours a week for a 12-unit class every week, if not more, and I dont think i have ever read or written as much for a HASS class, even my CI-M’s, and I don’t think I’ve quite been challenged in a similar way that this class did for a long time. What really gets me is that every part of that class felt so deliberate, yet so relevant, that nothing seemed unnecessary or like busy work. At the end of the day, this class wasn’t even just about negotiation it was also about being a better person and striving to reach that, and it really has inspired me to do more and reach higher, and I am very grateful that I got to take this class, even though the thought to do so only occurred to me like five months ago, and five months ago, i really was just searching for an easy HASS class. But I’m glad I didn’t settle, because I really feel that my perspective on life has shifted bc of this class, which is honestly kind of ridiculous if you think about it.

6.UAR was about the same - didn’t go to class after pandemic, but you know circumstances. my TA was awesome lol she really was helpful////

Other fun/notable things that happened this semester:

I got published! back in February

MITMUNC happened again! I chaired for the Facebook Board of Directors

not that many other good things happened this semester so i’ll just skim through my photo album for like fun-ish things

My dorm dropped nearly a thousand dollars at yamatos (first time at yamatos)

had a great night at harvard with a few of my friends during dine out boston

honestly there was just a lot of drama t,bh im ngl lol

obviously, we got kicked off of campus, i had like two panic attacks during this week, cried on the plane home, and am still trying to figure out how to function as a normal human being without calling my friends every six hours!

we had a darty on killian

mccormick had a senior sendoff, which was the cutest thing ever

a bunch of us did a virtual hackathon and now we might have a nonprofit??? idk on this either, stay tuned

i secured my MEng RAship which is very exciting

I successfully got my reimbursement for spring break plane tickets????? LOL

also i ran a campaign for my friend for a student government position and she lost, but i guess it was kind of fun? cant really remember what happened that three weeks because i didnt sleep that much haha! omg

went to the grocery store on thursday

goals for summer

cook more

exercise more

stay sane

actually learn a new language

thats it, im setting the bar real low for summer in quarantine lol

[kxlebcross]

for the quarantine asks, multiples of 2, please :)

are you fucking serious???? i’m gonna get back at you for this, i’m smol and ready to fight!!!! (under the cut >:3)

2. Grilled cheese or PB&J? grilled cheese, always... idk, maybe i’m too european for that but pb&j just seems gross to me (noah fence to anyone who likes it tho)

4.  Your go-to bar order, if you drink? usually it’s a mojito, a gintonic or a vodka-tonic, depending on the place and its’ prices... and if i’m not that low on money sometimes an absinthe slips in, but that’s really rare, i’m not that young anymore and my body just can’t keep up with the alcohol anymore dfsdfd

6. Top three cuisines? uhhhh..... italian, hungarian and..... i don’t actually have a third hdgfhsd can i just generally say that ‘asian’? tbh i tried like 3-4 dishes from various asian countries which imo is way less than enough to choose a fave, and there’s also a lot more i’d like to try sometime... but my city doesn’t have many places to go to, and the only “chinese” restaurant we have is a cheap ripoff which never served a proper chinese dish in their life.... ordered from there twice, beforehand researching each dish i ordered and let me tell u.... they weren’t even close to what they were supposed to be......

8.  What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?  i once worked at a strip club..... no, not as a stripper, i was a waiter/bartender, and honestly i wouldn’t even mind talking about it if the place wasn’t shady as fuck.... one of the national tv stations even made a full time documentary series about all the illegal shit that’s going down there..... but i never really did any unconventional jobs so there’s nothing fancy, but if i were to tell stories about what i’ve encountered during my ordinary jobs...... oh boi.......

10.  Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a signed photo with Flowsik from his Warsaw concert.... and i think that’s the only thing like that, if i ever had anything else it’s long forgotten and probably is laying in some box in my mom’s basement lmao

12. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i only have bagels in the kfc breakfast offer so it’s usually some chicken, salad, cheese, egg and mayonnaise? i think? or was that the ciabatta? fuck me if i remember...... but if i could choose anything i’d probably go with smth similar, some chicken strips, veggies, bacon, cheese and moyinnaise? yeah, probably, im a man of simple tastes dsfdfg

14.  Favorite mug you own i wish i wasn’t so lazy and just take a picture of it, but i’m a lazy fuck so here i go explaining XD so its actually a middle-sized coffee mug, it’s pastel greyish-pink with two cats on it, and one of the cats is chilling on a guitar.... it was a bday present from my mums friend and it came in a cat head-like box which i kept.... it’s now on the top shelf in it’s all grotesque cat box glory..... like the ceiling cat meme

16.  Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!)  uhhhh tbh my mood is usually a blank space, apathy be fun like that... so ill just list some that i’m generally vibin’ with

Take a knife in the back, wanna feel my pain Make a slice to the wrist to reveal those veins I could see your face, man I feel insane

Such a mess when I'm in your presence I've had enough, think you've been making me sick Gotta get you out of my system, yeah

MGK - In These Walls

I just can’t get enough of you, but that’s alright Feeling like going on a joyride with you through the night I keep accelerating on the road with you at my side

Lexie Liu - Like a Mercedes

And it's nights like this when I'm on my own And I realize that you'll never feel like home No, I can't feel you now (Feel me now) And I try my best to stick around But when you're broken like me, you just gotta get out 

Bring Me The Horizon -  ±ªþ³§ feat. YONAKA (but i’m generally vibin’ with the whole album that this song is from)

18.  What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?  okay so i’m probably not gonna rewatch it ever again, but... when i was a kid there was this german series on tv and it was called medicopter 117.... so in exam season i realized that as a kid i never got to finish it so i decided to rewatch... listen, it’s a 1997 series... but damn it was actually better than some of the crap ppl call tv show now....... not gonna rewatch tho, some moments and plotlines were frustrating as fuck

20.  Do you match your socks? yes! but only because i either have them all black (which will match anyway) or funky colorful fruit patterned ones that look a bit much even on their own so i wouldn’t really wanna mix’n’match those in fear they would just look tacky as fuck

22.  What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) well for a while i was the horse kid, then the cat kid, then the car kid and then i ended up being the resident class emo with a weird obsession over Lord of the Rings.... it was a wild ride, though the emo phase sort of stuck with me even now

24.  What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? the what? i stg i never encountered it in my life so i’m not really having an opinion on it, sorry to disappoint

26.  You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? definitely orange... apple has a weird aftertaste, tomato is gross, banana feels like having jizz in ur mouth.... yeah, we’re sticking with orange (also please don’t ask me to elaborate on the jizz part)

28.  What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? i’m actually trying to get better with some overwatch heroes i never learned before... since the lockdown started i got a lot better with snipers and i1m actually pretty proud of it

30.  Where could someone find you in a museum? most likely in the souvenir shop trying to find the cheapest thing..... or chilling on some bench/chair after watching all the art pieces, i’m usually way too lazy to stand around and wanna get out pretty fast, but i think it has more to do with the fact that i don’t really like to hang out around people and museums tend to always have a few of those

32.  Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? stars and clouds.... but man i actually really miss stars........ that’s the only thing that’s shitty in living at the city that i can’t see the stars

34.  Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i think art.... i mean i have three movie posters, an overwatch one, a religious calendar from my mum, and then a pride flag and some tacky painting the landlady insisted on keeping on the wall.....

36.  Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... okay i’m gonna admit, i’m not really into superheroes so i’m not that well-informed about their sidekicks either.... can i just hang out with loki instead or smth?

38.  Favorite mid-2000s song oh no.... assuming it was around 2005.... i was like 7 at that time? what the fuck did  i listen to back then? uhhhhhhh i’m pretty sure that was a basshunter time back then? so i’m gonna go with Basshunter’s Now You’re Gone as i remember having it on my mp3 player dfjhjkdf

40.  Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? usually at my pc, even when i have guests over because i don’t trust anyone with the playlists...... and when i’m over at someone i usually choose a fotel or smth and lay down in it as if i’ve never used a fotel before or couldn’t sit like a normal human being.... and if there’s no fotel then i’m sitting on the armrest of the sofa because apparently i can’t sit like a normal human being sdshfghsdf

42.  A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving  it’s this one.... one day just popped up in my youtube recommended and i was like what the fuck??????? but i’m not gonna say what it is, see for yourself ;)

44.  Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? i..... try not to post at all??? but if i do it’s either no caption or “i randomly decided to post some pictures at 3am without thinking about a concept or caption so i’m just gonna wing it” kind of bullshit, no inbetween, i just can’t write meaningful shit under my pictures 

46.  What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? fries..... i’m a slut for fries, best food ever......... give me fries......... i think i actually might buy some later now that we’re talking about it

48.  Do you like Jello? once again i’m way too european to have an opinion, sorry.....

50.  How are you at climbing trees? when i was a kid i was doing pretty well..... now, around 15 yrs and a few fucked up joints later i’m not sure how would i do....... if this stewpid lockdown is over i might actually convince my friend to find some trees to climb and then we’ll see....... (and then i hopefully won’t accidentally k*ll myself because he will be there to catch me if i fall lmaoooo)