#i know this is a really late reply but your homie has been sick

[tf2icons]

THESE ARE ACTUALLY REALLY INTERESTING TAKES

- ᴍᴏᴅ ꜱᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ

[nipnapples]

After My Lucky Charms

Look who’s back, homies.  It me, NipNapples.  But seriously, hi, I’m back for now.  Its been like...A year since I posted something that I created that I was actually proud of.  I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately, but I’m getting better, I’m getting happier, and I am getting stronger.  

So why not celebrate with a good old fashioned Namjoon Crack Fic?  I think its the proper “welcome back” don’t you? 

After My Lucky Charms

Pairing: Namjoon/reader

Rating: PG-13 for some sexual content and drunken shenanigans.  

Authors note: I am a slut for a loving and respectful Namjoon, fucking fight me. 

It’s late, you know that much.  You hadn’t checked the time before leaving the bar with your girlfriends, full to the brim with a fizzing and warm contented happiness that you hadn’t felt in a while.  The feeling hadn’t left you as you hailed your cab, wetly kissed your friends cheeks in farewell, and then dragged yourself up the three stories to the apartment.  The feeling was overflowing onto the floor, spilling and mixing with the moonlight cascading across the dark hardwoods.  You can hear Joon in the bedroom, snoring away the night, and you giggle at the thought of curling against his side, pressing your nose into his hair and inhaling his sweet scent that didn’t really have a name.  You kick off your heels, bright red and rather dangerous, in the middle of the hall and begin towards the rumble of your boyfriend. 

You pause half way, remembering the full box of lucky charms you had bought earlier in the week.  You swiftly turn around, hit with a craving and a sudden case of the spins; you mentally note that turning around so quickly isn’t the best idea at the moment.  There is also a voice at the back of your head, whining and complaining that you were so close to bed, the cereal will be there in the morning won’t it?  But you’re already in the kitchen, stretching onto your tip toes to snag the box that you’re sure Namjoon placed on the top shelf purposefully.  Or maybe sober you had asked him to, because of this exact situation and really you should be watching what you eat but goddamn those are fucking lucky charms lucky charms are so good like, so so so good.   “Uh, babe?”  It is at this moment that you realize that you have successfully tugged the box down, plopped on the floor, and have been mumbling slurred praises to the whole grain cereal like you were in the confession box on a Sunday night.  It is also the moment that you realize that you may have woken up your boyfriend of three years and he is now staring at you from the kitchen doorway, sleep rumpled and confused.  

“Uhm, hello dear?” You mumble around a mouthful of freeze dried marshmallows.

Namjoon blinks several times.  “How’s it going there?” 

“Peachy keen, jelly bean.”  You swallow your mouthful and flash him a thumbs up.  You swear you could see the corners of Namjoon’s mouth twitch upwards in amusement before crouching in front of you.  

“Did you have a nice time, love?”  He asks, his dimple folding inwards softly as he truly smiles at you.   You reach back into the box of cereal and sprinkle the fresh handful into your mouth before replying.  “Mmmm, it was great.  Five dollar Long Island night and Becca did not bring Boring Benji this time, so it was just...magnificent.”  

Namjoon tries unsuccessfully to pry the box from your hands, attempting to stop your gorging, but you slap his hands away.  He sighs in defeat and instead settles beside you after digging out his own handful.  “Oh no, not Boring Benji.  I’m glad you had a nice time, you needed a break.”  

You nod, turning to look at Namjoon through slowly blinking eyes.  You study his profile, realizing once again how lucky you are to call him yours.  The soft dimple is back, as he smiles at you, his eyes curving into lovely little crescent moons.  One of his large hands is resting on your bare thigh, where your dress had ridden up when you sat down.  Long, tan fingers curving gently over the soft flesh.  His thumb runs gentle circles, comforting and protecting.  

Also, incredibly fucking sexy.  So fucking good and it makes you squirm a little to remember what those long fingered hands can do.  You bite your lip and flutter your lashes at Joon, knowing he can’t resist your seductive ways.  

“Are you going to be sick?  I don’t have a trash can!”  He retracts his hand and begins looking for the small recycling bin frantically.  He tries to stand, but you yank him back down with a painful thud.   

On second thought, maybe he can resist.  Or you’re just not trying hard enough. 

“Noooo,” you whine.  “I’m seducing you!” You sit up and swiftly swing your leg over Namjoons lap, your skirt hiking up your thighs a little more as you grind downwards against his flannel pjs.  His hands grip your hips swiftly as the four long islands you consumed cause you to wobble a bit.  You rest your hands on his shoulders, braving yourself as you brush your lips over Namjoon’s neck hotly.  “Is it working?” You ask, eyes closed so that the kitchen will stop spinning wildly. 

Namjoon flexes his fingers and breath a little heavier as you decide to grind downwards again.  You can feel him half hard beneath you, and a trickle of lust and triumph drips down your spine.  You grinding becomes sloppier and your teeth find their mark on his earlobe, tugging softly.

But Namjoon huffs a laugh and tightens his grip on your ample hips, settling you gently in his lap, silently commanding you to stop wiggling about.  “You know it is, lovely, but not now.”

You pout, knowing full well that the ruby lipstick you applied an hour ago in the bathroom has worn away, leaving just a hint of flushed flesh.  Normally it would drive Namjoon wild after a night out with you.  “But, But, Why?” You bemoan when he laughs again.  

He kisses you gently, long and sweet and pulls away after running his tongue along your bottom lip.  The fucking tease. “Because,” he whines back in a cheap imitation of yourself. “Because you’ve been drinking, baby.  And your so sleepy, I know.”  

You pout again, but at the reminder of bed your body seems to remember just how bone tired you really are.  Your joints seem to ache at the thought of your bed with the thick comforter to nest in.  “Oh,” you sigh in defeat.  “But it’s not because you don’t want it? Right?”  

Namjoon chuckles, shaking his head and hooping your nose gently with his pointer finger.  “Lovely, I always want you.  But right now, I want to go back to bed, and I know you do too.  How bout a rain check for the morning if you’re feeling up to it, Ms. Five dollar Long Island?”

You nuzzle into Joon’s neck, suddenly exhausted and heavy and ready for sleep.  “Carry me?” You ask, pitifully.  

Namjoon scoffs.  “Who do you think I am? Jungkookie?” He shakes his head and helps roll you off his lap.  

“You’re right,” you say, pinching at his firm bicep.  “You wouldn’t be able to carry me anywhere with these noodles.”

Namjoon pretends to be offended as he helps you up, but promptly turns around to offer a piggy back.  “Alright, compromise?” He asks softly.  You struggle onto his back, apologizing again for being so heavy, but Namjoon only laughs and shakes his head.  

Once in your bedroom, he plops you on the bed and helps you struggle free from your dress before slipping one of his large T-shirts over your head to sleep in.  He then kneels in front of you, rubbing your sore ankles gently, just the way you like after a long night.  

He glances at you through his soft lashes, dimple showing itself once again.  “You know I love you, right?” He asks softly, so unsure for a moment.  “Always have, always will.”  

You wave your hands at him, hating the way he seems to doubt himself.  You shake his hands from your feet, running your fingers through his hair once quickly.  “Pshh, so greasy, ack!”  You flop into bed and wait for Namjoon to crawl in beside you.  Once he’s there, you wiggle into his arms, kissing along his collar bones, up his neck and behind his ear.  Afterwards, you next stop is his forehead, eyelids, and dimple before settling on his lips for a long moment.  “I love you too, Joonie.  I know.”  

His eyes are soft as he opens his mouth to reply: “You taste like fucking lucky charms.”

[babybluepeaches]

Permission {a killmonger fic} prompt: you plan on finishing off a drug deal that was left in limbo by one of your worst clients. what you don’t plan on is having a quickie with his friend in the process. story + smut. enjoy! ……

2:43pm. You clock a text. Sender: Gerrell. Message: “Hey Queen 👑 Omw, got the stacks.” This nigga Gerrell has been giving you the run around for months. You were sick of him and his flimsy promises. Nevertheless, money is money. You reply telling his dumbass to come through. You sat up and stretched, getting ready to put on your clothes. Heavy footsteps thudded on the other side of your door and you warily take off your bonnet and smoothed your edges. “Bitch, how did you get here?” you mumble to yourself, wrangling your locs into a wig cap and dawning your silky black wave wig. “Here” meaning living in a, albeit relatively cozy, trap house. How did your spot become THE trap house? How did you become the dangerous drug dealer on the block? Definitely not what you expected out of yourself as a kid, but desperate times call for boss lady measures. You had this hussle to thank for paying off your student loans. After you dawn your intimidating cat eye and signature leather jacket, you grabbed your strap off the night stand and left your private den. As per the norm, you pass by a whole lot of random niggas, and a whole lot of niggas who work for you. Your underlings nod their heads in respect as you enter, each mumbling variations of “wassup sis?” “yo big sis” as you pass. Before you go out you mumble “Gerrell” to them, and peek out your shaded window. Most of them respond with a groan, a few others eye each other wickedly, little to your knowledge. When the car pulls up you eye your niggas and pull out your gun. They hussle to either get lost, shoo their customers out the back, or go to the door to wait for ole Gerrell. You nod at the ones waiting, preparing to open the door and intimidate this nigga into giving you what he owes you. One more glance outside and you notice.. Oh hell nah you know this nigga didn’t bring back up. Peering in the car you spot a muscled arm and tight chest. You know this nigga Gerrell is not tryna pull up on you and pull one over on you. You been into this game too long to not take the third presence as a threat. You tell Gerrell to come up to the porch while you sneak out the back to do some interrogation of your own on this mystery dude. ….. “Damn Gerrell I swear if we late again.” “Nah nah brother chill! We gonna be right on time, the thotties are gonna be there man I promise.” Gerrell wipes his beard nervously in that way where Erik could tell he was all talk. Sighing and resting his arm on the car window, he looks out. Can’t believe I let this nigga drag me around all day again. Erik Stevens had just got back from Wakanda, or as he’s been telling everyone else, “Uganda”. And he just wanted to smoke. Chill. He didn’t want anyone to know what really went down, not yet. He still had a lot of pain to unpack and he didn’t need his homies knowing he had African royal blood, especially not Wakandan royal blood. Which is probably why he’s letting his childhood friend convince him hes gonna have a nice, normal time tonight. He needed to believe that lie at least for today. “So uh, I gotta stop by somewhere first.” Psych. Erik rolled his eyes. “Nigga where?” “I gotta pick up the gas.” Erik almost jumped out of his seatbelt. “Nigga! You said you already had that shit.” “I know, I know. But my plug is quick as hell E dont worry it’ll be 10 minutes tops.” Even though he was looking at the road Erik’s glare bore through him, causing nervous chuckling and more (empty) promises. Erik and Gerrell drive way into the city to get to the hood. Erik couldn’t help the nagging annoyance from not bringing any of his weapons, at the time it was his way of trying to convince himself he was relaxing tonight. “Dumb as shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “Whatchu say brother?” “Nun’ man, nun’” Erik said, sighing as he eye’d the neighborhood. Gerrell finally came to a stop and flashed Erik a smile. “Aight I’ll be right back,” noting Erik’s annoyed demeanor he added a “Promise!” to that fib, as he jumped out the whip. Erik rolled his eyes and shifted his attention out the window, and a few moments later it was stolen again by a hard tapping sound on his opposite side. ….. Hustling to the car, you can finally see Gerrell’s back up up close. Black tank top, low cut on the arms, exposing some of his ripped torso. Lots of little round scars beaded his arms and chest. What kinda prison yard did Gerrell find this dude? His locs where braided up tightly on his head and damn he looked pissed. Must hate Gerrell as much as I do. Glaring at him, you pull out your gun and tap it on the window while you hold it in a defensive position. Mystery dude’s head snaps up as do his hands, you couldn’t tell if it was a fight or fear response, but judging from his face he was surprised to see you there. “Open the window,” you tap on the glass again. He complies and puts his hands up again, this time in a more submissive gesture. He takes in your gun with his eyes, then shamelessly drinks in your appearance, licking his lips, then eyes back to the gun. “‘Sup ma.” He says calmly. “I ain’t ‘cha ma. Open the door”. He nods and pops the lock on his other side.

You never take your aim off him as you go around and get in the other seat of the car. “So what was the plan?” you say, slamming the car door behind you. “You sneak in after he gives us the money and rob us? Or, don’t tell me, he doesnt have the money does he?” You prop yourself up on your elbow and give the stranger and amused smile. The barrell of your gun hasn’t left his presence. The stranger, to your surprise, let’s out an exasperated laugh. “Yo, Gerrell owe you money lil jawn?” His lips pulled back to reveal his gold capped bottom fangs, the hypnotic sight of it had you lost for a mintute. “Yeah,” you push your gun softly into the skin of his neck. “Gerrell owes me money. Gerrell owes this ‘lil jawn’ 3k.” “3k?! Just for some tree?” You let out a hardy laugh. “Tree? That’s what this nigga told you he was on?” you laugh again, “Try cocaine.” “Damn shawty you slinging cocaine? For who?“ he seems intrigued, almost giddy at this idea, which pisses you off. “For me nigga, wassup? You got a problem?” you glare into his eyes. “Nah no problems! Look, my bad. I just… don’t usually meet up with plugs like you.” He offers one of the hands he held up at your defense to shake. “E,“ he said, referring to himself you assume. You eye his gesture and don’t move to meet it. “J” you reply, your fake go to. “Look E, I don’t give a fuck whether you this niggas body guard, his partner in crime, or his baby daddy. I don’t trust you any more than I trust Gerrell,” you get in his face a little bit more, trying not to notice how good he smelled, “and I’m gonna keep you right here until his dumb ass gets back. Got me?” “Yeah,” he said, seemingly more preoccupied with your lips than the threats you were dishing out, “I got ‘chu,” he breathes. “Good,” you say, lingering in the closeness. There was definitely tension blooming. You were almost pressed against him, hell, your gun was pressed against him. His lust filled gaze seemed to accept it, and even welcome the position you had him in. He breaks the heated silence with a low voice, “Since I don’t want to set you off, you let me know what I got permission to do, ight?” There was definitely a double entandre in that “do”. You actually weren’t mad at it, and the longer you stared at each other, you found it harder to deny yourself the experience of what this could turn into. You take a second to take in this “E”, really take him in. He was obviously attractive, but you’ve done plenty of deals with attractive guys. It was his demeanor and energy that really had you feeling wild. He seemed aware, yet unafraid of the situation. Like he was enthralled with the danger. This was someone who was seduced by a power struggle. And I don’t mind giving him one. “Ight,” you reply. Finally settling into your wreckless decision, you swing one leg over to straddle him in the passenger seat. His eyebrows nearly flew into his hairline and his mouth dropped open momentarily. You press the gun into his throat and say, “Kiss me.”

You swore you saw him smile before his lips met yours. The kiss was warm. It felt like he was sucking on your aura, tasting all your desire for him. You moan at him sucking on your tongue, and grab his palm with your free hand and place it on your hips, prompting him to feel you up. His hands were eager to lift the edge of your top up to slide inside. Just when you started to let go of your inhibitions, his hands pause right under your breasts. “Wait” “What?” you reply in an impatient tone. “What about Gerrell?” he asked warily. “He’ll either come back when he forks over my money,” you trace Erik’s collarbone and lean in, “or he’ll stay in there until I come get him.” “Mmm. So you got it like that huh?” he eyes you hungrily. “Yeah,” you rock your hips on his lap, keeping the gun pressed to his neck, “I got it like that.” “And you want me?” his thumbs grazing your nipples under your shirt. “Mhm,” you rock your hips steadily and slide your tongue into his mouth, which he gladly accepts. Fucking randoms wasn’t your thing, but fuck it, this nigga was fine. You both knew it, and you both knew what was about to go down. “Shit, I got permission?” He asks as you break the kiss. His large hand smoothly paws your thigh. You bite your lip. “Mmm. Yeah.” “That’s wassup.” He wastes no time slipping his hand into your panties, you suppress a yelp of surprise and throw your head back instead. “Almost lost your grip,” he quipped with an amused smile, eluding to your hands visibly weaker hold on your piece. With half lidded eyes you press the metal into his skin harder and he just laughs. Who the fuck does he think he is? I’m gonna- Your thoughts are interrupted by him rubbing circles into your clit. You moan and look him in the eyes, attempting to keep your hard demeanor. His returning look is full of lust and a hint of challenge. You knew this was about to be some wild shit. You roll your hips and begin fucking his fingers. His mouth hangs open watching you move, high off the sensation. “I want you, now,” you said. He nods furiously before removing his fingers from you and pulls out a condom.You let him put it on before your slide on to him. You gasp at his girth, especially in this position. He chuckles and fixes his mouth to make a cocky comment, but before he can get it out you drag your gun down to his chest and say “Shut up,” as you start slowly riding him. He moans out a “Yes ma'am,” as his golden canines bite down on his lip. You’re putting in work on this nigga, trying to hide how lost you were getting when he guided your hips with his hands and angeled himself farther into the already deep penetration. His phones vibration interrupts your panting and heavy breaths. And again. buzz, buzz, buzz “You better not check that shit,” you lift your hips all the way up and down, saying into his ear, “it’s my time now.” He groans and you feel his dick twitch inside of you at your demands, now you’re the one laughing. You pull back to look at him and his expression is caught between ecstasy and animalistic. “You ‘bout to make a nigga cum, talking all that shit,” his ember eyes find yours and burn intensely. His mouth is half open and you slide two of your fingers inside. “Suck,” you tell him. He obeys, his long tongue curling around your fingers. You moan in response, pussy tightening around him. He’s smiling wickedly, before you could wonder why, he started fucking up into you hard. You grip his studded chest as his hips drove into you relentlessly. You actually start to tear up. Fuck, fuck, fuck You’re seeing stars. “I’m bout to cum J, you wit me?” he asks as he grabs your hip to keep plowing away. You let out a high pitched moan that you can’t help and nod wordlessly. Every time he pulled your hips down and his dick curved up into your sweet spot. Eventually you start chanting “yes” to encourage him you were close. When he sensed you were on the edge of orgasm, he quickly started patting your clit with 3 fingers. This had you immediately gushing all over him as you both came. You clenching his shoulder with your gun to his chest, and him gripping your hips for dear life. He let you ride out your orgasm, coming down from the insane high while he watched. Eventually he said, “Erik”. “Huh?” “That’s my name, real one.” You raised your eyebrows, “Hmm,” you regard him, “Erik.” You put down the gun and offer your hand. “Y/N.” He nods and shakes it, repeating your name, following up with “Dope”. You shimmy off his lap into the drivers seat to let him resituate himself. You pull down the visor mirror to look at yourself, checking your appearance after that impromptu fuck session. Grabbing your jacket, you pop a prerolled blunt out of the pocket and into your mouth. You light it, letting it hang over your full lips. Fixing your hair in the mirror you take a few hits, having mastered this particular multitask a long time ago. Erik shamelessly stares at how the light hits your half naked frame, and how it highlighted your smoke clouds. Ripping his eyes away from you he checks his, once again, buzzing phone. 12 new messages. Sender: Gerrell. Erik groans and checks his unread texts. Message: “E I think Imma need some back up you mind??” “Erik!! Erik please” “It got a little sticky in here E imma need-” Erik stops reading right there and groans. “What?” you say, passing Erik the preroll. He snatches that shit fast as hell, you wonder why until he’s mumbling “Gerrell” around the blunt. He passes you his phone so you can skim. Your anger levels hit unbelievably new heights reading how he was in fact trying to use Erik for back up. You hiss and put on your jacket. “Gimme my piece,” you demand from Erik. He obliges. “Aye you forgot your shirt,” Erik says, blowing out a smoke cloud and holding up your tube top. “Fuck a shirt nigga, I need my money,” you say as you kick open the car door and jog up to your crib with your gun in hand. Erik took the open door as an invitation inside and follows behind you.

….

You and Erik hustle up the porch and you bust in the front door. “Gerrell!” your voice is on fire, you’re on fire. The sound returning your call was a pathetic yelp coming from the back room. You and Erik look at each other before running back there. You open the door to reveal 5 or 6 of your underlings absolutely fucking Gerrell up. The nigga is naked, tied to a chair. You look at your goons expectantly for explanation. “Aw wassup boss,” one of them turns around seeming at least half guilty. You note he has on a different jacket. Glancing around you can tell they took this nigga Gerrell’s whole look. Hell, they’d probably shave off his fade and wear that too if they could. “What the hell y'all doing? Where’s the money?” you glare wildly at them. “Sis this nigga ain’t got shit,” one replies shaking his head. “We made some extra deals with him on the side, he ain’t paid us back, so we took his shit. You get it right big sis?” another responds. You sigh, “Yeah I get it,” you also are smh-ing at Gerell’s pathetic ass. Welts all over, just in his underwear shaking like a leaf. “L-look I’m sorry J, I’m so sorry please dont hit me. Your boys took my gold Nike high tops!” he exclaims sobbing. “Nigga shut up,” you say while rubbing your temples, “I’m not tryna gun yo dumbass down Gerrell. Just get out of my house.” Gerrell looks up hopefully and smiles. “Girl you aint gonna regret this I swear I-” “Stop. We’ll be on a payment plan from now on. Stop paying and Imma have people driving by ya house, got me?” “Y-yeah I got you J.” “Good. By the way, we keeping your car.” “W-wh-but you can’t do tha-” You hold up your hand to stop him from speaking as your boys untie him from the chair. Erik puts down his phone after a minute or so of tapping and grabs Gerrell by the ear. “I got the uber, c'mon. Dumbass nigga,” he mumbles, pulling Gerrell along followed by ouch! ouch! Before Erik parts, he slips a scrap of paper into your jacket pocket. Later you discover it has his number on it, followed by “E”. You usually throw these offers away, but maybe not this time.

[vizhi0n]

Sawney - Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

So we’re getting into the fucked up shit, so pls read the warnings From here on out its gonna be bad. So yeah. In honor TWD night heres the next chapter.

Warnings: Torture, violence, rape. (I’m going to start tagging these with trigger warnings as well.)

Homies: @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @lucifers-trash-stash @genevievedarcygranger @superprincesspea @i-am-negan-trash @crzcorgi @kellyn1604 @mypapawinchester @my-achilles--heel @jasoncrouse @jeffreydeanneganstrash @ladylorelitanyfanfiction @kijilinn @gremlinfuck @melodicdolls @embracetheapocalypsewithme @lovingzombiechaos @heartfulloffandoms @strangersangel9 @hannibalssweaters @backseat-negan @manawhaat @mcnegan @darkangel66a @wolfhart18 @negans-network

“We’re heading back up in twenty. Everyone grab your things.”

Mason was giving the orders. The huddled group of survivors — just under thirty of them — obeyed. They moved past Desa and Jack in waves, keeping their voices down as they headed down the tunnels and towards the Estate. 

Go with them. 

The people were indifferent to Negan’s screams. They kept their heads down, covering the ears of the children. 

“Jack,” Desa gripped her brothers hand. The smaller boy stared up at her in confusion, looking anxious. “Go find your friends, alright? Stay close to them.”

“I want to come with you—”

“No, you don’t. Trust me. I’m going to see if I can help Father,” Desa said firmly. “That man was my catch, so he’s my responsibility.”

Jack’s lower lip quivered, but he didn’t object. Desa ruffled his hair, watching him dart after the group. The sewer had filtered out, the sound of multiple footsteps getting softer and softer. Desa knelt over, hands on her knees as she attempted to steady her breathing before making her way towards the storage room, heart pounding. Negan’s screams had tinkered away into whimpers, and she had to mentally prepare herself before opening the door.

The room reeked of urine. She immediately saw the wet patch on the front of Negan’s pants — he’d peed himself. The blackened, oozing marks on his bare torso were clear evidence of what had happened. The pliers were in Father’s hand and Desa could see the blood and the strips of flesh, shriveled from the heat of the blowtorch. Negan was still strung up, and he was twitching, thrashing was a wild animal against his restraints.

While Father just watched.

“Father?” Desa croaked. She stood at attention, trying not to give anything away. As calmly and evenly as possible she said, “Would like me to assist you in moving him?”

“No. He’s staying down here,” Father replied. “The cellar is almost full, and he hasn’t…he hasn’t transformed yet. He’s not ready.”

“Father—”

He was ignoring her. Clicking those bloody pliers together while contemplating his next trick. Desa steeled herself, speaking louder.

“Father, I know that you and Mother both are against any sort of negotiation with outside groups but…we have leverage, here. But only if he remains alive.”

The pliers stopped clicking. 

Negan lifted his head. Desa saw him glare daggers at the man before him, teeth bared in a silent, pained growl. 

Leave, Desa, leave. You stupid, stupid fool.

“What do you suggest?”

 “Keep him here, just as you suggested. But keep him stable. His community — the Saviors — they know where the Estate is. But they don’t know about this place.”

“If you wish to keep your toy alive, you will have to tend to him. He is your catch,” Father rolled his eyes, backing away. “I will speak to Mother regarding…negotiations.”

Desa let out a small sigh. Father placed the pliers back in he cabinet, grabbing a dirty hand towel and wiping himself off. 

Negan’s belt was on the floor, his fly open. He was still hanging there, bleeding, body in a state of suspended shock. Desa moved slowly, adjusting his restraints to that he could sit on his knees, arms spread. He said nothing to her, just stared at the wall, jaw slack. 

“Did Mother invite you to our bedroom?”

“Yes,” Desa replied softly, tightening Negan’s bonds. Father came to a stop behind her, arms crossed over his chest.

“And are you joining us?”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Exactly. Mother and I provide for you,” he knelt. Desa felt his hand glide across his shoulder. “And we provide for everyone here. Everyone has basic needs. Copulation is one of them.”

Desa’s eyes shifted towards Negan’s pants. She felt the urge to snap at Father.

Did you fuck Negan before or after he pissed himself?

“Yes, sir. It is.”

“Good. I’ll see you tonight.”

He left, wiping off whatever blood remained on his pants. The iron door swung shut and Desa dipped her head, gnawing furiously on her lower lip as she knelt before Negan’s battered frame. 

“Fuck you,” Negan spat. 

“I just bought you time. He would have killed you or put you in the cellar. And if you were in the cellar, I would have killed you. Put you out of your misery.”

“So fucking generous,” Negan’s tongue looked swollen, and he was having trouble even speaking. “We have very different fucking ideas of what that word means.”

“I’m not supposed to be generous. I’m not allowed,” Desa cringed. “If I could give you more, I would.”

“Why?”

“Why would I give you more? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just in a giving mood lately. Maybe…I feel bad for you. I feel bad for them all. But I don’t do anything. All the death and torture, it’s on me. Because I didn’t do anything. But I am now — I’m going to try.”

“You can start by putting a bullet through that sick fucks head,” Negan spat. “Kill him, problem solved.”

“If I kill him, my little brother will be next. Listen, Negan, I’ll do what I can for you. I will. I swear. But not on my brothers life. I can’t.”

“How old is he? Your brother?”

“Eleven. He’ll be twelve next week. We think.”

“Is he your only sibling?”

Desa ducked her head, glancing around. The silence hung heavy, a palpable blanket spread across the entire room. Finally, Desa said softly, “No. It was…me, him, and my older sister. Sister went first. Dad put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger because he was a coward. Mom…she kept us together for a while. But things happen. People have agendas. She’s a corpse somewhere.”

“Shit. Sounds rough,” Negan let out a breath. “I don’t want to even fucking know how you stumbled across this group.”

“I didn’t. They found me.”

Negan shrugged, rattling his restraints. Desa did her best to end the conversation, standing. She stared at him, gnawing on her lower lip.

“I’ll get water. And something for you to eat.”

“You’re on duty, now?”

“You’re my catch. I found you, so I have to deal with you. It’s supposed to be a good thing,” Desa shrugged. “Rules of the house.”

“You ever thought about packing up and leaving the fucking house?”

“Plenty. But I am my fathers daughter — a coward.”

The moment everyone was settled, it was back to work.

Nothing had been damaged — the reinforced fences were still standing. The toy train set Jack had been working on had been left untouched, right where it had been left. Everything was the same. Or, at least, they were pretending it was.

The uneasy feeling in Desa’s stomach had yet to leave. It would stay, she reckoned, until Negan was out of her life for good.

The Saviors had scattered, displaced by the sudden ambush of biters. Desa had overheard Amy state that she and some others had confiscated the few cars that had been left behind. It would take a while for the surviving Saviors to get their bearings and come back with even more firepower than before. And it would take even longer, Desa suspected, without Negan.

We have time.

The day droned on, and Desa found herself getting into the same routine as always, with a few alterations. She’d patrol the fence, awaiting a scavenging order while, in her spare time, she’d go and check on Negan. She make sure his wounds remained uninfected, and she’d dump the waste bucket placed between his legs. A majority of the time he wasn’t awake, or he just refused to speak and instead stared her down. 

“I won’t be back until later tonight,” Desa informed him. She was dressed in the proper attire, the clothes hidden beneath the heavy jacket she wore. One always had to get dolled up and pretty when presenting themselves in Mother and Father’s bedroom. It was more of a custom than a requirement. 

“You got a hot fucking date?” 

“No,” Desa replied quickly, surprised that he’d even answered her. His hair was slick with sweat, rivulets rolling down his bare chest. Each word he spoke was laced with pain. 

“I’ll really fucking miss your company. Shit keeps me sane,” Negan licked his lips. “Why don’t you skip out on whatever dumb shit you have to do—”

“I can’t. I have to go please Mother and Father,” Desa shivered, looking away. “I wish I could. You’re better company than both of them.”

“What do you mean ‘please’ them?”

“What do you think I mean?”

“Are you talking about fucking? Because you better not be talking about fucking,” Negan tugged at his restraints, baring his teeth. 

“I am. I don’t want it, but…I have an obligation. I can’t disobey them or else Jack’s head will end up on a pike, or worse, in the cellar.”

“What’s so fucking bad about the cellar?” Negan leaned forward. “Fuckin’ enlighten me.” 

“It’s where the bad people go. They don’t die, they just…change. They stay down there until they’re needed again.”

“Is that where I was going to fucking go?”

“Yeah. Probably. If Father doesn’t accidentally kill you, first.”

Negan let out a sigh, murmuring a few curses to himself. “I’m going to kill that fucker when I get out of here. Hey — is Lucille somewhere safe?”

“The bat? Yeah. Father put it somewhere. Probably in storage.”

“If you see her tonight, use her. Take her and bash that fuckers skull in.”

“Tempting. But I already told you why I won’t,” Desa stood, wrapping her jacket tighter around herself. 

“Fine. Fucking fine. If you won’t, I fucking will. And I mean that shit. When I get out of here I’m going to kill every single one of them. I might just kill you, too. I’m not fucking dying in here. I’m fucking not.”

[sinandredemptionff]

Chapter 15: Kidnaps and Mishaps Part 1

Chris POV:

I walked into my office on a high this morning. For the last three days, my wife and I have made love in all ways imaginable. We missed each other so much we needed​ some alone time for our grown-up activities. I feel rejuvenated.

“Good morning Mr. Brown. There's files on your desk and you have a nine o'clock meeting with B&B construction. Also, don’t forget about your twelve o’ clock.” Bianca politely greeted me distracting me from my impure thoughts.

“Good morning to you as well Bianca and thanks. Could you get me a cup of coffee please?”

“I'm right on it Mr. Brown.” She replied with a smile.

I removed some designs from my briefcase for my presentation at twelve. I hope my clients love my modern spin on a children's arcade.

I began adding extra effects with my pencil. Damn I don't mean to be bigheaded but I'm dope at this.

“Mr. Brown there's somewhere here to see you.” Bianca returned with my coffee in her hand and a smile on her face.

“Bring them in.”

I looked at the door for a few moments curious to see who would walk in and to my surprise in walks in Jermaine.

“What's going on brother from another?” Jermaine greeted me.

“Nothing much man. What brings you by?” I stared at him in confusion.

Jermaine is a free spirit who doesn't believe in working for corporations or “the man” as he likes to say. He's never visited in one of the guy's offices, he has always been that way. Therefore, him coming here​ today is a huge deal.

“I just need your advice on something Chris.” He shifted in his seat a little and pulled at his bushy fro.

“Go ahead man shoot.” “How would you feel if one of your homies dated one of your exes?” This is random.

“That's fucking with the bro code but I don’t know how I would feel. It depends on whom the ex is and what type of relationship we had. Every ex isn't important. Like if Robyn and I broke up and one of the homies tried to get at her words can’t describe how heated I would be. I don’t give a damn about anyone else.”

“Hmm makes sense.” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “Another question how did you really feel about ole girl? The chick you were with before you and Robyn got back together.”

“Who Mya? Mya was cool. She was a very sweet girl and I don't like the way I did her, however I knew she was only used to fill the void of Robs. I can honestly say I wasn't in love with her or anything. That's why it's easy for me to be around her now, it wasn't like we had a deep complex thing. It was quite simple.”

“Hmm interesting.” Jermaine said chewing on the inside of his jaws. I know something is up, Jay has never been the type to beat around the bush.

“What if I told yo--?” He started to say.

“Mr. Brown your daughter's school just called, you have to get there immediately.” Bianca dashed into the room frantically interrupting our conversation.

“What happened? What did they say?” I leaped from my chair to get my jacket.

“Apparently, she hasn't been seen at school today, but one of her classmates Brittany said she saw her this morning.”

“I know damn well Jaden dropped his sister off safe and sound this morning!”

“I'm coming with you bro. If something happened to my niece I will go ape shit.”

Don't get it confused Jermaine is somewhat of a hippie yet the streets raised him. No one has a temper like him or Trey. I'm not even going to tell his crazy ass.

We rushed down to my SUV to race to the school. I'm not going to tell Robyn just yet. I will gather as much information as I can first.

I sped down the freeway to get to my baby’s school. Once I got there I didn’t even bother to park correctly, I just hopped out the truck and barged through the front doors.

“Where is my daughter?!?” I asked loudly when I walked in the school’s office.

“Mr. Brown we're so sorry we don’t know what happened.” The principal said.

“You mean to tell me no one was watching the kids as they were getting dropped off or off the bus? This is supposed to be the top elementary school in the damn state. How could y’all let this happen?” I was fuming at this point.

“It’s best if you remain calm.”

“Don’t tell my brother to calm down. My niece is missing because no one was doing their fucking job.”

“I want to talk to every child in here and I want to view the security cameras right now.”

“We have to wait for the police.”

“Let me explain something to you! I am not waiting on them slow ass people. My daughter is not in this school because you mothafuckas were being reckless. Y’all are going to let me do what I need to or I will raise hell in this bitch today!”

The teacher and principal looked at each other and did a head nod.

“Ok, Mr. Brown we don’t want any more problems let’s go to my class and talk to the kids.”

I rushed to the classroom and stood in front.

“Class, some of you know that Skai did not come to class today and no one knows where she is. This is her father Mr. Brown and he wants to ask you all some questions. Please if you know something tell us, we need to Skai back safe to her family.” The teacher said and I noticed one little boy crying his eyes out.

“Cameron what’s wrong sweetie, do you know what happened?” He nodded and continued to cry.

He made his way to us and I crouched down. I want to cry too but I need answers.

“Talk to me son, I promise you won’t get in trouble.” I dried his face with a Kleenex and he stared at me.

“Me and Skai were walking into the school and I noticed she had stopped talking to me. I turned around and seen a big man holding her while running to a black van. She was kicking and he threw her in it but when he saw me looking he told me he would hurt my mommy and daddy if I said something. I’m sorry I was scared.” There’s only one man that would do this.

“Thank you!” Without saying anything Jermaine and I ran out of the school. Once in the car I called the one person I know can help me quickly.

“Hello.”

“Michael, I need you to hack into Skai’s school security system. Someone kidnapped her and I know you can guess who did it. I need to know where the truck he was driving is located, can you do that?”

“Of course man, I’ll start on it now!”

“Appreciate it man seriously. I feel he’ll get suspicious if you ask him straight up where he is. I can’t wait on the police to handle this shit. Plus, he’s as good as dead when I see him. It’s time to end this shit, I’m about to call Daniel.”

“Ok I’ll call you back.”

I dropped Jermaine off at my office so he could get his car. I don’t want him too involved with this even though he wanted to roll with us. I called Daniel and agreed to pick him up. We’re about to end this shit once and for all. Once you fuck with my family, especially my children, it’s over.

Robyn POV:

Monique and I were exercising at the gym to ensure we stay toned. Also, there's something that's been weighing on my mind and I need to get it off my chest.

“Let's go sit over there. I want to talk to you about something.” Monique grabbed my hand and led me to a bench near a huge fan. Ugh this air feels amazing.

“Robyn I feel so foolish, I told Trey l loved him last week. It slipped out and now he has been acting weird. I think he may want to break things off with me.” I can see the fear in her honey brown eyes as she pouted exposing her deep dimples.

“I have known Trey a for a while and Chris said that he has always had a revolving door of women. No one has ever challenged him the way you do and it scares him baby girl. It's not lack of interest that's making him distance himself, it's fear. Trey really adores you, talk to him and be upfront.”

“I'm just afraid Robs. We spend a lot of time together and I don't​ want him to grow bored of me. Now what's on your mind? You've been in deep thought​ since we arrived.”

“It's nothing I promise.” I took a swig of my Fiji water gargling it on my tongue.

“Robyn Brown I know you. You can't lie to me so spill the tea.”

I exhaled deeply. I'm afraid that Mo will look at me sideways when I reveal this.

“I know you will judge me but I can't hold this in. I’ve had sexual dreams and thoughts about Don lately. I feel disgusting.”

Monique gasped placing her hand over her mouth. The cat's out the bag now. I know I love my husband but I just feel a strong forbidden attraction to Don.

"What happens in them?" She asked with a grin as she leaned back on one arm.

"Monique can you not, I don't even like thinking about it."

“My bad but Robyn that's actually normal, you're married not blind. You're human we are attracted to each other. It's natural.”

“I feel like I'm virtually cheating on Chris or something, maybe when I return to New York I should keep my distance from Don. I already think he likes me.”

“Did you say virtually cheating? You're a handful Robyn.”

“Is there another phrase?" I replied laughing.

“Yes, something like mentally cheating or psychologically cheating would’ve sufficed. On a serious note though you should have a talk with Chris about this.”

“Noooooo!!!”

“Let me explain why. Say y’all are making love and you say Don’s name that’s grounds for divorce to be honest. You’re only dreaming about this because you feel guilty about being attracted to another man. You and Chris know that y’all are in love with each other and you’re not going anywhere, so just talk to him. You’re only human love.”

“You’re right boo, I love my man so much and communication is key. Thanks.” I said hugging her. She always makes me feel better.

“You’re welcome.”

“Hey ladies!” Mya said as she walked towards us.

“There’s our personal trainer. Where have you been, we got started without you.”

“Sorry I’m late, let’s get on it.”

*10 Minutes Later*

“Can we stop?” Mya said sitting down on the floor.

“Girl we just started and you look sick. You’re supposed to be the athletic one.” Monique replied.

“My job has been overworking me, I’ve been so tired y’all.”

“You look like you’re about to pass out. No ma’am not on my watch sis. I’m going to get you a water.” I rushed and got her a water to hydrate her. She’s looking too pale for my liking.

“You need a vacation!”

“That’s why I’m glad we’re going on that trip in a few weeks. It’s going to be lit!”

“I know right, I’m so excited. We’re going to have so much fun camping.” I said.

“Wait until Trey shows y’all the RV and cabin he got. We lowkey could stay in the RV but the cabin is so damn gorgeous!” Monique added.

“Wait who’s going to drive the RV?”

“Trey said he would but I was like no. I don’t like the way he drives, dude be speeding for no reason.”

“Honestly, I trust Jermaine the most to drive.” I said.

"Girl right, Jermaine is the most trustworthy."

“You guys I’m going home, I don’t feel well.” Mya said standing up.

“Ok babes, get some rest and call us if you need anything. Love you.”

“I will and love y’all too!” She said before leaving.

“She’s been acting off lately.”

“Yea I’ve noticed that too, I hope she’s ok.”

“Me too.”

“Anyways we’re not done yet. I need to get some abs.”

“Nah I’ma just lay here.”

“Get up!” I said smacking her thigh.

“Bitch that hurt!”

“I know now get that ass up.” She stood up and glared at me.

“You’re lucky I love you.”

I smiled and headed towards the weights.

Skai POV:

My morning hasn't been too swell, I have to pee and I'm hungry. One minute I was waving bye to my big-headed brother and walking into school with Cameron, and the next I was in the back of a van. I'm not even scared because I know when my dad finds out he's going to go crazy.

My father is loco about his family and my mommy Robyn is about that thug life as well. Not to mention my beautiful grandma Joyce will beat you with her Bible then pray for you.

I've been praying since the guy in the black van took me. Grandma said always pray and God will hear you.

“Are you ok kid?” A big guy with all black on said.

How could I be ok when I've been taken against my will? Is he dumb?

“Oh yes, I'm so magnificent sir you just don't know. I love chilling with strangers.”

“You have a mouth just like your mama, you know that?” 

“You don't even know my mother so stop talking to me and why is your beard so long?” I folded my arms and faced the wall.

“You are definitely Kelly's daughter.”

“Can I go to the restroom?” I bashed my curly eyelashes sweetly, it always works when I do it to mommy and daddy.

“Yeah you can. It's straight down the hallway.” 

I began walking down the hallway and I bumped right into the legs of a tall individual.

“Hi Skai baby, I was just about to come back there to see you.”

I looked up to get a closer look at the voice I know so well.

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“You thought I was just going to let your daddy take you from me. Him and that bitch he cheated with will never see you again. Your brother's basically grown so I can't control him, but you belong to me.”

“Mom but the lady in court said…”

“Fuck the court! I'm your mother end of discussion. I have your bag packed and we’re going far away.” She cut me off, I hate her and now I'm more frightened than ever. I hope my dad and mommy find me soon!

She grabbed my hand harshly and took me back to where I previously was.

“Did you write the note?”

“Yup! You ready to go?”

“The plan is in motion, come on.” She had the guy pick me up because I was fighting with her.

“I hate you!” I yelled at her when they put me in a different van.

“You don’t mean that now shut your mouth.”

I began to tear up and pray silently. I know I’ll be home soon.

Mya POV:

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I put on my robe and wrapped my hair in a towel. My doorbell rang and I went to answer it.

“Hey babe.” I said and he hugged me.

“Hey, what’s the emergency? You called me like ten times.”

“Where were you Jermaine?”

“I was with Chris, what’s up?”

“We need to talk.” I led him to the couch and we both sat down.

“What’s going on with you? You good?” He asked and I sighed.

I handed him the pregnancy test and his eyes got wide.

“What the fuck?”

“Just look at it.” He took a deep breath and looked at it.

“It’s negative, why would you give me this shit if it’s negative.”

“What would you have done if I was pregnant?”

“What do you mean? I would have been there for you. I’m not a fucking coward.”

“Hmm.”

“I don’t understand the point of showing me this if you’re not anyway.”

“I thought I was and you should know that I had a scare so we can be more careful.”

“How about we just stop this shit? Nothing more careful than that.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yea, I mean I care about you and all, but this is stressful.”

“I love you, don’t you love me too?”

“Listen…”

“Don’t even finish your sentence.” I know he’s in love with Jessica but I don’t want to hear him say it. I know he cares about me but he will love me eventually. He would never hurt me like he promised, I’m not stupid.

“Mya you’re amazing and what I’m trying to say is you’re worth more than being my sidechick.” This is not the first time he has said this but I don’t care at this point. We’re in too deep.

“Ok but what if I don’t want to stop just yet?”

I seductively untied my silk robe not breaking eye contact with him. He bit his bottom lip as I made my way towards him. I kissed his lips and he wrapped his arms around my body. He bit my neck and I yelped.

His phone rung interrupting us and I glanced to see it was Jessica. I declined the call.

“Why did you do that?”

“I just did what you were going to do anyway so shush.” I grabbed his hair and began gyrating my body against his.

I unbuckled his pants and he swiftly picked me up to carry me to the bedroom.

“Fuck you know I can’t resist you.” I giggled as he threw me on the bed.

Jessica has been my best friend for as long as I could remember, but I’ve fallen for her boyfriend and I can’t control that.

Chris POV:

I sat with my face down on Daniel’s couch. My leg is shaking and I’m anxious as fuck. Michael is taking too long to text me the information I need.

“Michael need to come on!” Daniel said.

“He said five more minutes but it feels like it’s been an eternity.”

“This shit is gonna be over in a few.” He said placing his gun on his side.

He paced back and forth as he placed a blunt in his mouth. He took a long pull and exhaled.

“You want some brother-in-law?”

“Nah man, I’m good. I need to stay focus.”

I stopped smoking a long time ago. Though this is the most stressful situation I’ve been in, I don’t plan on going backwards.

“Cool.” He took another hit and my phone went off.

“You got it?” I said when I answered.

“Yes, I’m sending you all of the information now.”

“I can’t thank you enough bruh, I appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem. Be safe and call me back when you get her.”

“I will man, bye.” I said before hanging up.

“Let’s roll.” We hopped in my truck and put the address Michael sent me in the GPS system.

Daniel and I pulled up to the house and saw the van parked in the driveway.

“Michael said this is the address that’s under the vehicle’s registry and there it is.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t have a damn plan. We barge in there and get my baby.”

“And risk getting shot, nah man not smart.”

“That’s my princess in there man I don’t give a fuck.”

“If you get killed then what? There’s two of us and no telling how many of them. That’s my niece in there and I’m heated like you nigga but we can’t be stupid, and run in that bitch.”

“What do you suggest because sitting in this car is wasting time.”

“I’ma go look through the windows to see if there’s anyone in site. Wait here.”

Daniel jumped out the car and ran across the street. He peaked through the windows and waved his hand for me to come over.

“Man it don’t look like anyone is here, but you can tell someone lives here.”

“I’m going in.” I turned the knob of the front door and it opened. This screamed set up but like I said I don’t give a fuck right now.

I walked in with Daniel standing next me. We separated to look around but there was no sign of anyone but you could see someone was here.

“Chris!” Daniel said and I ran to find him.

“What? Did you find anything?” He gave me a note with an angry look on his face.

“Give me Robyn and you’ll get the little girl! Come to this address tonight at midnight. No police or else!” I crumbled the note and screamed.

I’m tired of this shit. I need my daughter back so I’ll do what I need to. I wanted to handle this without my wife but now I have no choice.

[hayle64]

playing mercy with fatigue harvested thoughts from another rough night i was too in my head/paying no attention in since i was elsewhere getting compromised/almost making some pleasurable love with outdoor flashy lights that had one earring runnin incredibly wild (dont lose it again). first time inna long time im showing up all alone. not all the way by myself, i came along with him, him, the overgrown nigga whos playing tracks they’re finding themselves uncontrollably moving towards. a few songs, a couple less wus good’s, im here searching for a special to cure this over the top exhaustion i shouldn't have been feeling so soon. is this how im suppose to feel cause damn gravity’s hittin pretty heavy. signs to take as find you the bombay equinox, nigga you dont even really like this joint anyway. making it inside, rudely not seeing the who that was around me once quietly stepping forward. first cup and im already politely letting go when our hands touched. hope the, “sorry i didnt see you, go head thats all you, i’ll make that next one” was alright. she smiles which i took as it was alright. departing away just as quickly as i entered. finding this back of mines hugging/putting in that strong work against a friendly empty space. watching them all closely atta afar. tonguing a memory of first day’s i couldnt get a single somebody to lemme take a seat with em. biting my lip once i started realizing its now “do you know if ivy’s gonna make it”. biting down even harder cause the answers are probably sum like who knows when it comes to that nigga.. unfazed and defenseless by this muck of an imagination im touring through. wondering how much time had passed before i heard the question thrown in a room full madness. a calm “what do you want?” that violently spun chills throughout my core.. covering my face with my beaten bruised left. pressured dark palm of mines answering i want to leave here. but damn that was minutes ago n’ im still in that same empty space doing courses through my hair with these fingertips. placing a curious focus on the ceiling. my body strangely maybe appearing to be in waits for someone to comfortably grab,tug, pull on me with some urgency. always been in belief i was lost. ive been having dreams lately of a someone/something finding me witta genuine approach of theres this place im suppose to be. a place unbothered thats filled witta feel only i or we could understand (fuck).. im wondering off too much, guess im again in another place i've spent too much time caressing. stealing another sip of this sweet that sleeps within the bottom of the plastic cup. a taste no where close to that stay on your mind fountain you can find between carefully soft places she may called her private flower.. swaying to sound that was more than right to keep me a moment longer. started smiling to myself to some unpure idea i cant remember, but was deep enough i almost had dropped this almost emptied cup. starting to think i had too much, im feeling this touch around the arm that wasnt one from me. looking down to realize what was standing patiently in front for me to notice. braver around five’six asking the surface question of if im really enjoying this song. the color close to red that’d probably shown on my face if it wasnt for the dark pigment. it was more the simple record, i tend to take myself to other/nevermind unable to reply to whats she was asking from the green eyes and light mixed tribe skin that were nicely distracting. i was thinkin how long were you rite there, understanding later she had been watching since that bitter tropical drake song. if i payed more attention her eyes was making conversation when we both grabbed that same cup back then in that one room (buggin). innocent stalking from across the way. her friends, a few girls all pretending to not watch what could be talked upon inna later group text. time now passing from shared schools we both attend, and the fact she’s a nurse fora hospital i just happen to be born in. she doesnt do parties, this was a rare monday night cleanse. venue shows hosting small artist on the weekends her only real pleasure beside reading books from favorite chefs. she’s has an older sister who was also one of four watching. she wasnt as thick as the younger sister, or im meant close to me as her little sister, but i could easily see this family resemblance. “ivy what do you like to do?”, shit bashful thinking, jumping fences, getting a thick ass to sit up on it in reverse positions (my drinks almost completed, fuck). redness on her face before the “omg, ivyyyy seriously?” that had me thinking bout my recent ended relation.. i get it, i really get it, the last letter was y’ and like my ex always into dropping unnessecary questions before the panties, i can clearly see you will maybe be no different with the curiosity. eyes again prowling since theres a new expression on her face. they're waiting again for something to happen and god the darker me’s saying you know what you are make her overwhelmed by those few letters.. put in the action to get them all wet through a “thats what i need” universal connection. a mouthful with these hands, theres a reason for this attire. my types foever been the book girl in the small dark sundress (i fucks with the outfit). her lips moving, im thinking more than listening about her face in the dirties ways cause she had the nerve to come up to me without even knowing my name.. a gentle night to free the mind, she probably believes im smiling to whatever she's saying, but im afraid this precious lily doesnt gotta grasped on how rocky im tending to make this wave she’s provoking become. small talk and niggas who get the urge to touch whats mines/she was mines (chill save that for later), is some shit i cant put up it. crossroads with these building emotions that are taking over. i wanna aggressively choke you even if i just met you. telling myself lightly grab her throat n’ ask what was it you really desired from me. fuck the disguise, speak the truth, lemme know if theres an outcome to this night that i could give you what would it be.. romantics along paradise cove before the sun rises, or would you prefer getting bent in local parking lot, where your face was only kissing me/rear seat. ive been such a good nigga and this bitch got me feelin tempted. ima sick bastard unable to focus and i know she sees it. a working nurse huh?, well place the stitching near this wound around my heart. show me how precise those hands of yours really are. me and my ex never got the chance to play that part, i mean we did alotta things that if i told you, you probably take off and leave me (doubtful). she grabs my arm again, the shit to obviously bring that tragic back. asks that irritating line of “gimme you instagram”.. take a second and straight up say iight, but imma head out for minute (never came back, crashed near the water. had to uber to the homies to find the homie had tried to get with the other sister in the past, legendary)

[mindofvox]

jan 30 thoughts 2017

i gave marlene her truth is the other day and she said she’d reply to everything. she hasn’t, but today she told me the truth is was gone. she cared enough to tell me and I sent her it thru email. 

i think i said half truths on that thing. lol hong kong was great. 

i had a lot of talks about relationshits today. im still scared about distance. but im more worried about the other end. i feel fine. im too grown to fuck up. idk.

all my friends are girls. i got like 1 guy friend.

i forgot how to write. i read house on mango street today and wow, i cried like a fat bitch on acid. 

im not politically correct on this shit.

sometimes when im mad I say nigga. in my head tho, cos I try not to speak in general. But i wonder why i say it... i think its because all that rage is associated to what i used to live in. the environment was different. it was okay to be out here talking about fuck you nigga. i guess it was linked to being rage. embodying it. 

why tf do ol girl keep liking my shit like we friends. lol

why tf do ol girl keep acting like she interested. YOU SNOOOZED GIRL WTF. IM HAPPY. 

im pretty okay, maryam asked if i needed help and i laughed. its cute, friends are there but i felt so alone before. 

alondra said i act cocky and that really bothered me. i say shit just kidding. i say it and exaggerate it because i dont feel confident at all. i hate people who bring you down. thats so uncalled for. i hurt no one. i care for everyone who is nice to me. me saying i think i look good one day is not fucking cocky. me saying i think this one girl has a thing for me is not fucking cocky. cocky would be being manipulative, being sick. treating people like shit because i think im better than them. yeah, im cocky when im making a fucking joke but don’t actually call me that. wtf. 

people used to manipulate me. im trying to recover from that. leave me the fuck alone. 

i want to make a post about toxic relationships. 

sara bobek i still hate your ass but you helped me see what a toxic relationshit is like. i hope you never make your bf/husband/professor whatever he is go thru the shit you put me thru. i hope hes exactly what you want, because if he’s not, i know youll try to change him. and then blame your past for it. lol. one can only stay understanding to a certain point. shit was so toxic. i still feel like shit. i still feel like i have trust issues, i still feel like everyone will leave me no matter how much they “love” me

fuck you too, ken. who knows wtf happened with you. 

and fuck you for sure, melina. you’ll never admit to anything. you had the audacity to bring up shit from high school to try and make me feel guilty. was i always so attracted to manipulative people? 

back to ken, i remember i was on the phone with yo ass when you wanted to kill yourself. i wish you would have just told me wtf the reason for cutting me off was. 

i miss paloma :( i always think about her when i write on tumblr. where u at homie 

im mad as hell

“i should be asleep i shouldnt be upset”

ive been having weird dreams lately.

im in a constant state of anxiety because of donald trump

i fucking hate white people

except shauna, i guess. lol.

who is reading. who cares

who stares

what am i doing

i wish i was drunk..

i want a new hip hop album to come out. something by immortal technique. 

i just want to be free.

ahuacatl better come into fruition......

i hate it when girls flirt with me knowing im not single anymore. like tf are you doing? -_-

thighs.

steve is kinda an asshole. 

i should fry his ass.

im itchy.

im done.