#i know theres no avoiding it but ugh it makes everything worse

[asexualbookbird]

unrelated to this book lol but fucken hell it feels so good to be able to brush my teeth again i wasnt able or allowed to leave my bed at the hospital so i didnt get to brush them all week and UGH love being in control of my Routine lmao

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[embracethecringeside]

Not sure if anyone is actually reading this fanfiction but I have an update! Woo!

Okay so chapter two is technically shorter than chapter one but not by a lot, lmao. So this one is a lot more exposition, since chapter one did not explain much and it focuses a lot more on different Mortys. I’m hoping for future reference to just focus on a few at a time rather than a big group so I can really set up each one as an individual rather than just a “Morty”. 

Chapter one is here at fanfiction.net and here at ao3 but you really don’t have to read it to understand this chapter.

I also put this chapter, chapter 2 here at fanficiton.net and here at ao3.

This is 4,803 words and I simply titled it The Arrival because I cannot title things to save my life. 

The Arrival

When a particularly over friendly Morty had told a bunch of Mortys to meet him at the Creepy Morty during the presidential speech, they had expected more of a party. Like a watch party where they could all watch the stream and support their president. But it didn’t seem like the place was ready for a party, or really any kind of social gathering.  No decorations, no streamers, no confetti, not even any balloons. The harsh flickering lights overhead revealed that the room was grimy and unkept and none of the TV screens were even on. The air held a smell, like a refrigerator that hadn’t been cleaned in months. And most importantly none of them could see any food out, so it definitely couldn’t be any kind of party. 

Or maybe the biggest indicator that this was no party and they had been tricked was that there were two Ricks there with all of them. One Rick dressed in a police officer uniform stood guard at the entrance, hands behind his back, carefully scanning the room. The other Rick the Mortys recognized as the one that ran the Morty Daycare, and he was leaning up against the back wall, arms crossed, with an impatient look on his face. 

It was hard to say what the clue that tipped them off was, but most of them had a gut feeling that they had gotten themselves into some sort of trouble. Some were just confused. But the vibes in the room made them all feel uneasy. 

When a portal opened up next to Storage Rick, all he said was, “Alright come on,” and made a casual buzz off motion. As though they were going to just waltz through the portal to who knows where? He was crazy if he thought that would work. Oh well, okay of course he was crazy, all Ricks were but if he thought they were that stupid he had another thing coming. One Morty was about to take the bait but was stopped by another, who sighed and shook his head.

“I-I-I don’t-urp- don’t have all night, come on.” 

The one blocking the exit found his voice. “Morty, he’s just messing with you, really it’s okay. We’re taking all of you somewhere safe. I promise. You have to trust me.” 

“I don’t have to trust jack!” 

A few of them tried to rush the cop and burst out the entrance, but the doors were shut hard and fast, and no amount of pushing, shoving, or slamming his small spaghetti noodle strength against them did any good.

They must have been taking too long, because the portal closed.

“Ugh,” Storage Rick groaned, “This is taking forever. Why can’t it ever be easy with you dingbats? J-j-just walk through the damn portal! That-that’s all we’re asking you to do. Y-y-you’re a real- a real piece of work Morty.” 

“O-oh? L-l-like you’re so easy to deal with Rick?” “Y-yeah R-rick you’re no- no picnic either!” “Why would we walk through some portal with you?” “Just look-look what happened last time we did that!”

Another portal opened in place of the last one. 

One Morty that was feeling particularly brave, got up on one of the tables and tried to attract attention to himself. “Guys, guys!”

“What?”

“W-w-ell, I-I think we should, go with them.”

“Why?” “W-why should we?” “Are-are you crazy?” “No! No way!” 

“B-because th-this sucks! I hate it here, we all hate it here, and-and I don’t think whatever is on the other side of that portal could be any worse than this!” he gestured vaguely in front of him. 

“Uh, y-you mean the building?” “Don’t-don’t knock my business.” 

He sighed, exasperated with himself. Himselves. “What? No! Like-like everything is terrible! And he,” Morty pointed to the one in uniform,”he said he wants to help us.” 

“He’s a Rick” “He’s lying” “He’s a liar”

He hopped down from the table and walked with purpose in every step and brought himself closer and closer until he was bathed in the green light. “Frankly, I-I don’t care! I-I see that portal and I see a chance to leave and I’m taking it!” With that he marched forward right through the portal. 

And it wasn’t long before he came back, but with a big smile on his face. “Guys come on, you gotta see what’s through here!”

Linking hands with one Morty led to him grabbing another Morty’s hand until the room was one long hand holding chain of Mortys, and the first one took the initiative to fling himself back into the portal, and the enersa pushed the rest of them with him, falling through one after another like dominos. Once they had clamored off of each other and got up they were surprised to see that they were just in a house.

A normal looking house at that. 

The odd part? Was the Rick, that most of them had heard their Ricks refer to as Doofus Rick, stood there with a big smile to greet them.

“Alright, that-that’s it. That’s all of ‘em.” Storage Rick announced as he and Cop Rick walked in as the portal closed.

“Welcome Morty! Or I-I suppose I should say Mortys plural since there are more than one of you,” He fumbled his greeting every time, a mix of excitement and nerves kept him from being confident in what to say. “I’m Rick J-19-Zeta-7, but uh,” he sighed in defeat, “you-you can call me Doof.”

There were a few Mortys that awkwardly waved back at him, but most of them were just looking around, confused by everything.

“W-we all have stupid names, you think I like being known as Storage Rick?”

“If you would like, you can call me Cop.”

“W-w-why? T-theres no nuance or thought to it, it’s just your occupation being used as a name. It doesn’t even roll off the tongue. It’s stupid. Doof, Cop, and Storage, the fucking-’

“Language,”

“The fucking dwarves that didn’t make it into Snow White because their names were so ricdicously stupid.”

Cop crossed his arms and shot Storage a look that politely told him to shut up, then nodded to Doof to indicate that he should keep going.

“S-so the first thing we need to do is just run some diagnostics, update any of the vaccines that you may need, and even though I tend to give them out in the morning I will give you your vitamins as well.” 

“L-let’s begin shall we? House could y-”

“Yes, I know what to do.”

When the house spoke, most of them jumped right out of their skin. They weren’t sure how but it was like the walls, the ceiling, the embodiment of the house itself had a voice. It sounded a little familiar and it was unsettling.

“Y-your- uh, your house just-”

“W-w-why does your house talk?”

“I-I knew something was going to- going to be wrong here!”

“Aw geez.”

Storage Rick laughed at their expense. 

"I-It gets them every time!" 

"Don't worry Morty, it's only the artificial intelligence Doof's installed in his house. It's supposed to talk, it's a lot like non-corporational Alexa or Google Home." 

"Y-Yes, exactly, you can ask her anything from anywhere while you're inside. Well, unless, uh, not-not if you're in the bathroom. She can't detect you in there." 

They were asked to move down through the hall single file and after being scanned, poked, pricked, and prodded by mechanical arms, Doofus Rick each individual a little cup full of a viscous highlighter orange liquid that smelled like the peel of an orange and tasted like sidewalk chalk. “S-sorry about the impromptu check up, we just need to make sure we keep you all healthy.”

Doof had called for them all to make themselves at home in the living room which was rather spacious, but Morty wasn't so sure it was big enough for all of them. For the most part, it looked rather plain. A couch against the back wall,  loveseat along the other, and a recliner across from that, all matching, as though a part of a set. Same for the coffee table and end tables. The walls had built-in shelves filled with books, and a few potted plants. No TV to speak of, but there was a screen in front of the room that didn't appear to be attached to anything with text that was too small to decipher from far away. Plus, all three Ricks were gathered in front, obstructing their view, so there really was no hope of trying to read it anyway. 

Some sitting, some standing, all the new Mortys waited for Rick, any of them to start talking. Doofus Rick turned and smiled at them.

“S-so I suppose I-I should start by welcoming you all to your new home! I-I real-really hope you like living here!” Morty didn’t have anything to say apparently, so he continued on. “T-the hard part is over, and now we can talk about the fun stuff, like, designing your bedrooms. And of course choosing what the other Mortys have decided to call their “Public Identities”. M-many of you will be living here, h-however people in my dimension are not aware that the multiverse theory is more than a theory, s-so we have to ask you to make personas you’ll use when you leave the house. But of-of course, I-I think it’s much easier to show you what I mean r-rather than try to explain it.”

“W-wait, what-what do you mean we’ll be living here?”

“Y-yeah, can-can’t you just send us to our dimensions?” “I miss my parents.” “Aw geez, me too.”

“I want to go home.” “I miss Summer.” 

Gosh darn, he thought he could avoid having this conversation if he ploughed through everything as fast as possible. “Oh Morty, of-of course I-I understand you’re homesick b-but I-”

“L-look kid, if we could just send you back where you came from and n-never see your neckless mugs again we would.”

“T-that was actually the original plan. This was- my house was meant to be m-more of a waiting station while we prepared to bring you home.”

“It seems as though we’ve hit a snag, and we must ask that you stay here instead.” Cop completed the thought for Doof. 

“A snag?” 

“He means there- we have a problem.”

Morty sighed in frustration. “I knew what he meant. I just want to know what the problem is.”

Doof ran a hand through his bowl cut, “I-I just, oh gosh, I don’t know how to say it.”

“Y-you don’t have families to go back to M-morty, someone or something is traveling between dimensions and killing them. It-it’s brutal and we don’t know who-”

“W-Why-”

“Or how. But do not fret, we will discover who is responsible and bring them to justice.” Cop had this determination in his voice that was almost convincing. 

“S-so,” Doof clapped his hands together, no longer wishing to continue that particular conversation, “Now we can- we will visit some of the Mortys that already live here.”

He had them follow him through the dining room. It was almost as boring as the living room, with a table and chairs as most dining rooms would have, but there was one thing that was eye-catching. Next to the sliding door that doubled as a window there was a display case with a tea set inside, but it didn’t look like any fine china that they had seen before. That wasn’t a bad thing, the kettle, cups, and plates all seemed to be made expertly but each piece was so different and colorful but they all still looked like they were meant to be together. 

Glancing over the kitchen, which like the other rooms was big, big enough to have an island, all they saw were things like cupboards, drawers, a fridge, an oven, just normal kitchen stuff, nothing of interest at all. Nothing bright or fun, it all just looked well organized and practical. However, it smelled amazing, reminding them of how hungry they really were. 

“H-hey, come-come on, we don’t have all night, chop chop.” Storage snapped, motioning for the boys to follow him and the other two Ricks towards the door to the left of the refrigerator. All that did was bring them to a garage. Or at least that was what they thought, until Doof pressed on one of the bricks on the wall and it opened up like an elevator door, even with a soft little “ding, once the doors were completely open. That was when they realized it wasn’t like an elevator, it was an elevator. A huge elevator. 

“I-I think we can all fit!” Doof called, already in the back.

“Squeeze in and make room, or I will make you,” Storage threatened. 

Cop waited until he was sure everyone had made it in before stepping inside. “It might be a little tight but you probably won’t all be taking it all at the same time again.” He went ahead and decided they would go down just one floor, all they needed were a few examples. The elevator gave them a smooth ride, but they could feel the pull of gravity as the elevator moved downward. 

Since everyone else was being too sheepish to ask, one Morty asked, “W-w-where are we going?”

“S-stop asking so many questions.”

“Storage, Morty can ask as many questions as he wants.”

When the doors opened again, they all shuffled out into a long hallway with twelve doors total, six on each side, and what looked like bathrooms at the end. It looked like a college dorm. 

“Since you’ll be living here, I, uh just thought it-it would be- I thought we could show you what your bedrooms could be like. W-we make each floor plan the same, each room is 11’X12’ and of-of course that-that doesn’t include the 5’X5’ closet space. Then each room has a bed, nightstand, a dresser, and a desk for schoolwork. But from there,” a smile spread across his face and there was a sparkle in his eyes, “You get to decide what you want your room to be! And-and,” he was so excited he seemed to be having trouble forming words, “We’ll show you.” 

He knocked to the tune of, “Shave and a Haircut” on one door and it swung open almost immediately. But that room didn’t look like the room he had just described. Well, maybe it was the size Doof had mentioned, Morty was never sure how to measure distances, but it had none of the furniture he mentioned and it was filled with art supplies. Shelves and shelves of things like sketch books, art how to guides, art history books, canisters filled with pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils, and paint brushes. One wall was only different types of paint, oil, water color, pastels, acrylic, each with its own rainbow of color to choose from. An artist’s desk sat in the corner with a stack of papers on top, and a stack of blank canvases on the floor, and a pile of painted canvases next to those, and in the center of the room was an easel with the canvas facing toward the best part of the room, the window. The entirety of the back wall of the room was an impressively crystal clear window, overlooking a garden, bringing in beautiful streams of golden light showering the entire room. 

“H-hi Artist Morty, is it alright if we show the new Morty’s your room?”

“Oh-oh of course, come in!” The paint splattered boy grabbed Rick’s arm and pulled him in. “I-I need more eyes on my latest project. I’m trying something new, it-it’s rather abstract.” 

Doof appreciated art, but he had difficulty understanding or putting his own meaning to it, so he just looked at it objectively and tried to offer compliments that way. This had lots of green swirls in the background, with floating blue triangles and yellow orbs in it’s mist. “I like the contrasting colors, it’s visually compelling.” 

A Morty in a purple shirt walked up behind them “I-I know this feeling, this-this is that feeling you get when you walk through a portal.” 

Artist Morty was very excited someone understood his art, even if it was, well, himself.

“H-hey, are-aren’t you worried about getting paint everywhere?” Morty asked, realizing there was nothing covering the floor to protect it.

“Nope! N-nothing stains, not-not even my clothes!”

“Oh yes, I-I was very careful to make everything stain resistant for you guys.”

One Morty who was always a little cold couldn’t help but feel drawn to the window, enjoying the warmth he could feel radiating from the sun. Something about it was off, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. 

Suddenly they heard music, generic electro dance pop to be exact, crashed in like a wave, drawing Doof and the new Mortys back into the hall. Storage Rick was standing next to the door that was the source of the music, which was a dark room, illuminated by rave lights, and a floor divided into big square tiles, that each lit up a different color as the Morty in cut off jean shorts moved across them. He had been so caught up in his own enjoyment that he hadn’t realized he had gathered an audience.

“Yeah! Fuck it up Good Time Morty!” Storage Rick shouted, but it was hard to tell if it was in earnest or in jest. The Morty inside didn’t seem to mind either way, continuing to dance his cares away even after seeing the crowd gathered in the doorway.

After Storage shut the door, they noticed they couldn’t hear any noise at all, even though they knew his music was overwhelmingly loud. “T-the best part, all of these rooms? Completely soundproof.” 

“W-woah I-I liked his room, it looked like fun,” the Morty still dressed in 2018 New Years garb spoke up. 

“Oh gee, I-I don’t know, it-it was a little overwhelming.” 

Cop thought for a second, and he knew which Morty’s room would be nice and calm, and a good demonstration of what they could really do with a room. He knocked three times and a Morty with long, shoulder length locks and a tie-dyed shirt opened up the door. 

“Rick, what's up man?”

“Hippie Morty, would it be alright if we showed the new Mortys your room?”

“Of course, come on in, it-its not my room, no one can own a room. Ownership means nothing man, that-thats how they get you. How the man keeps you down.” 

When he opened the door and let them in, the Mortys weren’t so sure if it was a room at all because, well, as far as they could tell they were outside. Long lush green grass covering the ground, trees and flowers in the distance, and a big endless sky without a cloud in sight. Stars shined down through the deep rich navy night and a crescent moon beamed down. However, the glow of the fire he had going was the brightest thing in the, uh, space. A slight breeze brushed past all of them.

“H-howdy sheriff.” A Morty dawning a ten gallon hat was sitting on the ground behind the fire and leaned over so he could get a peak at Rick and the new Morty.

“Good evening Cowboy Morty, I almost didn’t see you there.” he went ahead and took a seat next to him. 

Quick to notice the watch still on Hippie Morty’s arm Doofus Rick prompted, “D-do you think you could show your “Public Identity” to the new guys if you aren’t too busy?” 

“Sure man, h-hold on.” After twisting the face of the watch he was wearing left, right, left again, he suddenly shapeshifted, which almost looked frightening in the firelight. He became taller, lankier, his hair changed to a sandy blonde, he had some scraggly facial hair on his chin, an actual neck, wore baggy jeans and an oversized tie-dyed hoodie. “S-see?” he spoke, but the voice was no longer one of a Morty. “Like, I made mine an extension of my very essence.”  With that he twisted the watch and switched himself back.

Storage said, “W-we made the watches based on the one from that m-movie Megamind. D-does that scan? Y-you guys know that movie?” 

Most of them nodded.

“We did make a few changes, however, we made it so the voice changed with the disguise, and made it so you could lock it in so it couldn’t be bumped and changed by accident.” Cop explained. 

“W-what are you two up to, are-are we interrupting?” Doof asked, being the last one to move his way in, being sure to close up the door again so the ambiance wasn’t ruined by the fluorescent light of the hall. 

“No, no, don’t worry we’re just vibing.”

“Reminiscin’.”  

Storage Rick shook his head and sat down. “Just-just sitting around the fire? R-really? I’ll tell you what were going to do, w-were going to take advantage of this creepy ass atmosphere, and I’m going to retell a famous horror story.”

“Y-you’re going to tell us a story?”

“T-this isn’t a nice story M-morty. And I’m not telling it verbatim, I-I’m only summing it up for you.  Now shut up, sit on the fake grass, and listen. It-it’s called The Veldt.”

“By Ray Bradbury? Oh that-that’s a good one.” Doof smiled as he settled in next to the Mortys. 

Cop squinted at him and furrowed his brow in suspicion. “Huh, how relevant.”

“Quiet. This family had a house that could do anything. It-it did everything for them and the parents became lazy, useless, wastes of space, while the children turned into s-spoiled little monsters. The nursery was built so it could show anything they could possibly ask for with screens making up all the surfaces of the room. A lot like the room we’re in right now.” 

“Wait, Rick, are-are you saying all of this, these-these are just screens?”

Storage threw up his hands. “O-of course they are, did-did you think that we just magically ended up outside?”

“I-I think the story describes it as crystals installed in the walls,” Doof interjected.

“A-anyway,” Choosing to ignore the correction, he continued. “One day the parents discovered the children had been f-focusing on Africa a little too much. Watching lions eat their prey. S-since that-that’s pretty fucked up, they asked a psychologist what it meant, who told them they sucked at being parents. The house provided for the children and was replacing them as the caretaker. Which meant their kids were going absolutely batshit insane l-losing touch with reality, with their humanity. Something was off about that nursery too, n-not only did the African veldt look and feel too realistic for comfort, b-but the father found a wallet of his all chewed up and covered in saliva.” The fire crackled as he took a pause for dramatic effect.

“W-When the parents threatened to turn off the house so they could all live like normal people, tie their own shoes, cook their own eggs, the children were pissed. They never had to lift a finger the way things were, and they were way too attached to the house. S-So you know what those rotten kids did?” 

He scanned the room, but the Mortys only shook their heads.

“T-they locked their parents in the nursery!” 

He was met by a bunch of blank stares.

“And?’

“What-what do you mean?”

“W-well, what happened to their parents?”

“T-the lions fucking ate them Morty. T-that’s it. That-that’s the story.”

“B-but the lions weren’t real, were they?”

Cop spoke up. “The lions weren’t supposed to be real, but the room was malfunctioning and the lions came to life.”

“O-or it was working too well.” Storage retorted. 

“A-are you saying that could happen t-to us?” Glancing around the all too realistic outdoor setting. 

Doof placed a hand on Morty’s head.  “Oh no Morty, of course not! It’s only a story, these rooms are very safe, I-I promise.”

Hippie Morty, feeling somewhat nervous now, stood up and pressed a panel on the wall, and slowly the once robust landscape faded away and in its place was an ordinary bedroom. Except for the overly bright paint job, with harsh yellow, neon pink, and lime green in a spiral, matching the dye job on his shirt, the shag carpet was green, but no longer a beautiful grass green, but a pea green. His nightstand and desk both had a rough aesthetic and still had a fresh scent. The bedspread was just as bright as the walls but with a rainbow tie-dye job rather than just a few colors. One thing the Mortys were shocked to see still there was the fire.

“W-wait, you just-just have a fire going in here?” It seemed like the exact opposite of safe. 

“No need to panic-” Cop couldn’t finish before Storage kicked over the shallow pan they had been utilizing as a fire pit, only for nothing to happen. The fire went out rather than spread. “Everything is fire retardant, just in case.” 

Before they knew it, they were all being ushered back into the elevator and down even further. However, this time when they stopped, Cop asked for twelve of them to follow him, while the other eleven went down another level with Doof and Storage. 

Cop Rick cleared his throat and stood tall and firm with his hands behind his back as he spoke. “This will be the floor you all live on, each room is fully furnished and we have provided clothing as well. Right now all of them are the same so it does not matter which one you choose, it will matter once you have finalized the design you would like, feel free to visit other Mortys and take your time deciding. Right now, we would like all of you to shower and change into clean clothes and meet us back upstairs afterwards. Any questions, comments, or scathing inditements?” Morty did not know what that last word meant, but he decided it was best to just go ahead and shower and change like he had been asked.

Who knew being clean could feel so good? Showering, actually showering with warm water and soap was so much better than being sprayed with icy water from a hose. He had forgotten what it was like. Same with wearing clean clothes. The yellow pajama top and bottoms he found laid out for him on his bed smelled fresh and were so soft. If Doof hadn’t told him there would be food waiting for him upstairs when he was ready, he could have fallen asleep right then. 

Thank goodness he didn’t. He was starving, they all were. Salad, soup, dinner rolls, mashed potatoes, something called green bean casserole, an apple, and meatloaf as the entree, he ate it all with vigor. Morty wasn’t even sure he tasted any of it, he just faded in and out of consciousness as he gorged himself, only coming back to life to put more on his plate. Each of him ate that same way until every single edible thing Rick had placed on the table disappeared. Finally Doofus Rick gave them each a slice of chocolate cake. It was so rich in taste but light and airy in texture, maybe it was just that he couldn’t remember the last time he had dessert but it was possibly the best cake he had ever eaten. 

“Rick- uh, Doof, did you make this cake yourself?”

“N-not just the cake Morty, I-I made everything myself.” He cheerfully answered. “I love cooking a-and baking.”

“Hey, m-me too! Y-you think I could help sometime?”

“Oh gosh sure if you want to Morty, tomorrow morning I’ll be up early making cinnamon rolls.”

“Holy shit-”

“Watch your profanity-” Cop started, but he caught himself, raising his unibrow and turning to Doof, “Wait did you say cinnamon rolls?”

“Y-yes, I figure it’s a special occasion, s-so I thought I-I should make my homemade cinnamon rolls.”

“Those are very good.”

“Oh man, y-you lucky bastards-”

“D-don’t feel left outI will make enough for everyone,” Doof couldn’t help but giggle at how excited they got over baked goods. “N-ow M-mortys, I do think it is time for you to go to bed, it is already late and you had a big day. We can- we could come down with you and tuck you in if you would like.” 

All the Mortys were exhausted, and he could see it, especially now that they were clean and fed, all they wanted was to crawl into those full sized beds and pass out. 

“N-no that-that’s okay.” “W-we got it.” “Thanks anyway.”

“I-” he yawned, “I can put myself to bed.” 

“O-okay, well, goodnight, sleep tight. See you in the morning!”

[twiddlebirdlet]

Post Digest

I had so many posts yesterday, and I could not possibly answer them all in this lifetime. My apologies for not addressing these, but here they are.

The words belong to the anonymous original writers. They do not reflect my opinions. My posting of them doesn’t imply any endorsement.

· Anonymous said:

Chris really is trash for ruining another relationship maybe him and Jordyn woods can join the home wrecker club

·  Anonymous said:

Mood, give up. People will blame you, the girl, the weather, everything but Chris, who could have easily avoided any assumption by not taking the pics. Pics with kids, pic of dog, hospital visits, videos for sick children all this is good PR and he used in the past. But where is the good on taking pics with dancers? They were not fans. He is not helping to make them being respected or less objectified. He is not bringing any discussion about their work conditions to the table.

·  Anonymous said:

People saying this is nothing how do they explain her boyfriend deleting all of her pix? If it was nothing if she wasn’t with him why is boyfriend reacting that way?

·  Anonymous said:

That girl was so completely lusting after Chris in her pics and posts that I think she absolutely would jump out of her current relationship if Chris so much as blinked her way. She was going to go anywhere he was. I will wait to see what happens but it looks like Chris may have made another poor decision. Why is this man so intelligent in some things but when it comes to women he is just so way off? If he thought SSH was bad, just wait for a young social media millennial. Disaster.

·  Anonymous said:

Bella & her bf are still following each other on Instagram. Maybe he deleted those photos of her as a way of protecting her? Maybe he didn't want to make his Insta private & thought this would be a better way of doing things. In any case, he doesn't seem angry enough at her to unfollow her. But I don't think they broke up before the Chris thing, as he still had their professional couple photos up & they were still posting gushy comments to each other. So it's still weird and suspicious.

·  Anonymous said:

What is up with Chris and taken women

·  Anonymous said:

So I guess Chris really is a home wrecker

·  Anonymous said:

I just want to say thank you for all the information you're providing about this whole Chris situation. I'd rather have the full (or as full as we can get it) story with all the pieces together so I can make up my own mind what to think, vs bits and pieces and people misreporting information that they heard third hand, etc. So your summary post with receipts was very much appreciated by me.

·  Anonymous said:

To me the whole intern thing just seemed like she was trying to be linked to him judging by the times the ig pics went up. I guess everyone has their own opinions I know people who have basically said it was nothing and refused to talk about it but if it was someone else they would be all over it. It seems with him people pick and choose what issues of his they want to discuss. All of just seemed iffy especially know knowing that her bf deleted her pics. Hope you're have a lovely day.

·  Anonymous said:

I’m worried about the people worried about your health. They’re so invested in this celebrity that they are policing your blog. He’s a successful, famous actor. He has a whole team of people to handle this. And, none of those people are contacting you...

·  Anonymous said:

I don't get anons coming in here and complaining that you answering asks about the saturday night events is somehow blowing this thing up and causing drama. This anon should go to twitter where there are accounts that tag CE, JS, enty and provoking more and more ridiculous accusations, including Chris roofying Bella's drink etc. Twiddle at least sticks to things we can prove so if you wanna complain, go there and set these people straight. They make real damage not anonymous tumblr

·  Anonymous said:

The boyfriend could just be fed up with her throwing herself at ce and then getting comments forcing him to go private. That would be enuf for a 20 yr old in a long distance relationship. Doesn’t mean she is shaking up with ce. He’s too paranoid to do that

·  Anonymous said:

From what I've seen on Twitter, there's a little bit of talk about the burlesque aspect of it (mostly "Ugh, you're all such prudes, get over it!") but no one seems to be picking up on the intern part of it except for like 3 people. I'm torn. I kind of want to see him get shit for this, because he was very stupid and irresponsible, but OTOH I'd hate to see what kind of PR crap his people will pull up to distract everyone. A PRomance with Brie Larson, perhaps.

·  Anonymous said:

Just a funny coincidence but it appears her (ex) bf and Chris share the same birthday lol. But either way not looking good. We can only speculate but it looks like her ex bf/bf didn't like her behavior towards him or something really did go down. 🦊

·  Anonymous said:

I think everyone needs to accept their portion of responsibility in this situation. The people that harassed or contacted the interns, the girl and the performers need to respect boundaries. I understand you posts Anons, but you also decide which and how many. Yesterday you provided a platform and it had consequences, people felt emboldened and crossed lines. I think everyone can learn from this experience and correct their future behavior.

·  Anonymous said:

So you keep saying your not sure if mark was there when multiple people keep saying he was.YOU keep saying that the pics were taking at the same or about the same time but theres no proof that they were. YOU keep putting out info that isnt accurate or just coincidental. that girl bf realise his gf is a thirsty ass and she got what she got but it doesnt mean anything happen between her and chris. NOTHING HAPPEN WITH THE INTERN STOP SPREADING SHIT!!

·  Anonymous said:

I think the bf just wanted people to stop harassing him about her so he did that instead of privatize. Seemingly less like a breakup.

·  Anonymous said:

It’s possible and probable her boyfriend deleted any pictures of her/them because he was tired of being harassed and getting bombarded with comments. He still follows her. He could have just muted the comment section, but maybe he was hoping by doing that it would help this all die down, and for people to lose interest. Which is laughable, because this particular fandom has a hard time letting go. Either way, I don’t necessarily think this is the beginning of a new relationship for Chris.

·  Anonymous said:

Sending you love! I truly enjoy your blog and your commentary. What you wrote about your struggles with OCD resonates with me (I had anxiety issues as a teenager. Mild in comparison to some, but they dominated my life). I will try not to clutter your inbox from now on, but, please know you are appreciated and I love the discussions we have here.

·  Anonymous said:

I think that putting the blame on this or other blog is a total waste of time. You know what would have avoided all this? Not taking those pics. How hard would be for him to STOP doing something that is doing no good to him? As you said, nothing positive comes out of this. He is not attending the ask of a cute kid. He is not visiting a hospital. He is helping a club to promote their name, something totally uncessary for an actor who reached his fame.

·  Anonymous said:

The intern thing didn't make the rounds in the internt, but the meeting with Dan Creshaw did. Chris is being criticized for that and for the twitter interaction.

·  Anonymous said:

Oy, its looking like she really did risk it all. Dumb childish mentality, what did anybody honestly expect from this situation? That poor boyfriend.

·  Anonymous said:

I don't think it's a proof that something happened between her and Chris but for sure her bf (probably now ex) didn't aprove her behaviour and probably he thinks that some limits were crossed. I have to admit that I would not like to have a bf acting like that around a famous woman or any other woman and leaving traces in SM which is worse. I really, really hope that Chris is smart enough to stay away from that or another kind of fame will get attached to him besides the "f*ck boy" image.

·  Anonymous said:

WHOA! Deleting all her pics? Does that mean Chris successfully ruined another relationship??? Whuut!?

·  Anonymous said:

You are very kind and your head is definitely on straight. You’re less of an “opinion” blog and almost more of a news blog anyways. Don’t listen to the haters. You aren’t being overly invested, cruel, silly, or anything else. I’ve always found you to be fair.

·  Anonymous said:

I looked at mark’s following list and he followed one other intern (a girl) who was also in the city but didn’t post from the box!

·  Anonymous said:

Tbh, good for her bf-her behavior (the comments) were completely inappropriate IF in a relationship, long distance or not. Unbelievably disrespectful to him. Hope her thirstiness was worth losing a relationship and (maybe) an internship. I am several years older, but there is no way I would have behaved that way during my college internship. Morality clauses apply to personal time as well.

·  Anonymous said:

Omg he deleted every pic with her. So now we know for sure that something happened that night lol

·  Anonymous said:

And now apparently twitter thinks harpy was there with Chris and they're back together. Oh for fuck's sake!

·  Anonymous said:

It's funny because many Chris instagram fan accounts just share the pic of him and the black singer/stripper but skip posting the other with the women group with clothes close to the nothing that they find I guess too trash for share with their followers in saying Chris with a fan in NYC without details.

·  Anonymous said:

In the name of everybody sorry for the large number of asks we sent you and the tiredness we,people agree or not agree, have caused you. We don't think when we send you an ask that you will receive many, everybody, after seeing one and your answer, wanting share their opinion about what an anon or you said even if it's for exprime our agreement. It's a circle without end. I hope you had a good night. Let's forget that,this girl is history now,the fire is extinguished now. Kiss

·  Anonymous said:

I've been seeing this gifset on my dashboard lately from Chris' interview captioned "I'm smarter than I look". No idea if the quote is real because I've never seen this particular interview but I think given the turn of events of the past few days it's appropriate to say "no, Chris, you aren't" LOL

·  Anonymous said:

Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this, but this whole messy situation really turns me off. I've always known Chris isn't a saint, that he's NOT Steve Rogers irl, going to clubs like The Box is not a new thing for him, but he should've known better. I want to believe he's not that dumb, but he's THAT dumb. This is really upsetting and I'm so disappointed. After all those good days working on a serious project in DC, does he really not care about his image being sleazy like that? Damn it, Chris.

·  Anonymous said:

So Chris alone went to greet the dancers? From what Manuel submitted, that’s what it seems like. She wasn’t there with him and his friends exactly, but somehow found out where they were and met up with them? I’m so over talking about this. Idk how you’ve done this all day Twiddle. My bedtime prayer is dedicated to you tonight.

·  Anonymous said:

Thank you Twiddle for taking your time to answer here and on DM. I know you also do it so that you will be best informed to answer any questions here, we appreciate that some took the time to gather more information for the rest of us. It seems like at the end of these gossip we all end up confirming our first guest. I feel we shouldn't give this girl more room. My conclusion for the day is either he never thought that girl was that thirsty or he's really just dumb. I'm going with cute but dumb

·  Anonymous said:

It's not a great look for him to be pictured at places like that, particularly when he's employed by a family-friendly company like Disney. He's been obsessed with protecting his image ever since he got the role of Cap. Btw, I am not surprised he goes to places like that but you'd think he'd be smart enough not to get his picture taken.

·  Anonymous said:

Have people forgotten that one of these thirsty hanger-on types (just like this intern seems to be) is someone who sent a video of Chris to tmz? I mean, he wasn't doing anything bad-just partying it up after a super bowl and he looked like a drunk frat boy. But even that got a dodger pic response. My point is that he should be smarter about people around him, especially when he's drunk.

·  Anonymous said:

Denying pics comes with its own risks. You don’t want to piss people off because that can have its own dangers. This has happened with other celebs. There have been several occasions where his pics have been in return for free bottle service or other perks. I am not saying that is the case here though. Not trying to argue with you mod, just saying it’s not black and white. A lot of mistakes were made here and the worst part is how avoidable it was. But most seem to hinge on Bella’s actions. 🐩

·  Anonymous said:

Mark follows a few of the interns from DC, 2 of whom (Bella & another woman) posted from NYC Saturday night & this evening. Also a few of Mark's friends are NYC as well. It's not far fetched that going to The Box was his idea. Also Mark would've needed to make a reservation to ensure they got in.

·  Anonymous said:

I think you hit the nail. What Chris gets from taking those pics? For sure he is being polite and the people involved get happy but taking how society works and how many people think and what they can do with that information, he got nothing good on posing for those pics. And saying that is just pointing out and realising how society works. People are hypocrite and mysoginist.

·  Anonymous said:

I feel you on the eating away at your Sunday. It’s not my blog and even *I* can’t believe how much time I’m devoted to this, much less the swamp you must be dealing with. Really appreciate your views and your time. I feel so silly that I’ve gotten so caught up in it but it’s like a car accident you can’t turn away from. Get some rest and lots of love. 🐩

·  Anonymous said:

People been posting Info but clearly no one believes it. That tree anon mention it.

·  Anonymous said:

People who are saying Mark was there and that she was there with a group of friends are just assuming as much as anyone else who says Chris and the girl were there with each other. The only thing we know for sure is that they were both on the same place, at the same night, around the same time, after meeting the day before. We can't deny that.

·  Anonymous said:

I’d like to say this girl blew her chances but this is the same guy who gave MK & JS multiple chances despite their fame whoring ways. Whatever it is it won’t last long but I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re seen together again. Too bad. His political project was exciting. Now it’s tainted because he’s proven what a lot of people thought of him to be true.  

·  Anonymous said:

You need to let it go now. This is a non story. It’s looking more like two separate trips were in the works and it was a “oh hey us too maybe we’ll see you we were thinking of checking out this club” now apparently you think because he’s ancient and she’s an impressionable child and burlesque shows are akin to live porn he should have shut it down. But those of us in the common sense world see this for what it was. Which is a giant nothing. So tip to TMZ. Guarantee they will think the same.

·  Anonymous said:

For gods sake. Read and post my second ask to you. Stop all this madness. Yes they know each other. That is it. They were at same club and of course hung out a little. So what They met at first dc meet I think. He was nice to her She was nice back. Nothing wrong with people meeting and being cool. Even if famous

·  Anonymous said:

Maybe I should rewrite this but Your acting as they were they in DC together. They MET and photographed but wasnt there together as Your wording puts it. Like I said you dont know of they were backstage together. Pics can be upload at any time of the night . Your just jumping to conclusions like everyone else.

·  Anonymous said:

The way some of you talk about women is so damn depressing ugh this fandom is on one today.

·  Anonymous said:

Liked what the PR/crisis anon mentioned, that it's wrong to think Chris was uninvolved in JS and MK's stunts when he dated them. It's naive to think he is that helpless and easily controlled.

·  Anonymous said:

What i really don't understand is how chris could have been so so dumb and didn't think of the consequences. Also his pr underestimated the whole situation. The girl was blatantly seeking attention and a story to tell, and any person with a brain would have got the danger of the all situation. I know that he loves partying but he was so superficial i can't even put into words. In my opinion the project has been hurt by this and everything happened today showed that.

·  Anonymous said:

2/2) as if he wanted to do that. I doubt he asked, but was asked to do it. 3) The girl jumped on the chance to go backstage after the invitation and took the pic. 4) People put the pieces together because the girl was thirsty the day before and liked the attention she got from her friends but now there is a chance she ruined the trip a little as people ran to protect their privacy.

·  Anonymous said:

I think if Chris wants to be taken seriously in what ever he decides to do. He needs to grow up and act his age and stop drinking as much and hang around different people that includes his friends from Boston. I feel most of his friends are just there for the ride including Tara. If he does ever get married she will have to trust him to no end.

·  Anonymous said:

"it's not at all weird for people here on a blog that is predominantly about Chris to talk more about chris' antics than about anyone else's. It doesn't mean they're more worried or think what he's done is worse, it's just that this blog is a place to talk about him more than anyone else. Nice try though." Nice try what? If you read the full ask, as Chris's fan, I'm more concerned that's he's doing publicity pics with treasonous Nazis than hanging at a burlesque show w/ an intern. But you do you

·  Anonymous said:

Hi! Sorry for this question but I just don´t understand what is going on here with Chris and this intern? I try to scroll down your page but I still don´t understand what has happened.

·  Anonymous said:

Some who don't have problem that Bella flies to NY and post the picture at the same place where was Chris was the first to be offend that Jenny posts pic when she was at the same place that Chris whereas she was dating him. Be careful anons I'm not a pro Janey but people were rude with her when it was normal(even if she trolled), she was spending time with his boyfriend but when another women did the same, without dating him, they think it's okay. Why?

·  Anonymous said:

I'm genuinely curious about what kind of impression he was trying to make on her? like you wanna hook up with this chick & you're letting her know that you like to gawk at other half naked chicks in your free time? Unfortunately this will never blow up, if his PR team can bury homewrecker scandal then they can bury anything.

·  Anonymous said:

He seems to unconsciously be attracted to attention-seeking women who view him as a prize. I wonder if it’s a defense mechanism to prevent him from entering a serious relationship? Also, seriously, why wouldn’t you just make it clear to her that she shouldn’t post their escapades on social media from the start? Has he learned nothing from the Jobby debacle????

·  Anonymous said:

Okay, from her comments and that pose, that's a girl that has no problem pushing someone out the way to get noticed. Like the pic, the side she was on was trying to get four people in, compared to the 3 on the other, so they had to turn sideways. I can see her making sure she was the one next to him. She didn't have to put her hand on his shoulder or stomach. She was trying for his attention. Did she get it? Don't know. Don't really care, but that's a college-age Janey. Just want that fame.

·  Anonymous said:

Now that there are pics of them together and seeing the way she's posing with her hands on his chest and shoulder (it is very reminiscent of SSH, isn't it? Which would hurt if I was js lol) taken with the comments from her and her friends, all I can say is YIKES. And also, SMH. I am not a prude and I actually like burlesque and have been to The Box and fully expected him to hook up with somebody in DC ~on the low~ but even I can say this is not a good look for him. This boy will never learn.

·  Anonymous said:

I’d like to think that he’d cut all ties to Bella now the he’s created a PR nightmare for himself, yet again. But considering for almost 3 years he was involved with a woman who was married when they originally met & got involved, I don’t think he will care. At least Jenny was almost the same age as him. He’s looking like an upgraded version of Dane Cook. For anyone who doesn’t know, Dane Cook’s girlfriend is 19, they started dating when she was 18, but were “friends” before that 🙄🤢

·  Anonymous said:

The more I see from this girl the more I think she’s just a thirsty very immature little girl. And has no idea what she could potentially cost Chris. But he’s not innocent as she found out where he was going somehow.. And then posted it everywhere. Him or his team should have warned them to be cautious. And once they arrived not continued to entertain them and allow them backstage. An adult would have said nice to see you I’m going over here goodbye. Just another dumb d*#k brain decision.

·  Anonymous said:

Oh, man... the boyfriend. I didn't even think about him. Can you imagine if the situation was reverse and her bf was acting that way towards a famous woman? I can imagine myself on that situation and I wouldn't like it. Even if she was just joking, which i don't think she was just doing that, it would be disrespectfull. I hope he is not hurt.

·  Anonymous said:

Tks for the clarifycation for don't hate the player. So the girl had no shame to run after a man who has close the double of her age just because he is famous. Not sure she is again with her boyfriend but if she is, he would be very happy. It's clear,even if Chris makes bad choices in women, he wouldn't do nothing with her, discretion level he couldn't count on her. 5min with him and she shared and tried already trash things.

·  Anonymous said:

And Chris, wearing that Red Sox cap in NYC will bring you a lot of unwanted attention ;)

·  Anonymous said:

He was probably advised to stay away from twitter or he decided to do that.

·  Anonymous said:

"He doesn’t deserve to be placed on a pedestal. " Literally no personal should be put on a pedestal. NO ONE. Mothers, fathers, friends, siblings, celebrities, every single person does stupid shit or has 'problematic' opinions. If you place anybody (family, friends, celebrities) on a pedestal, you're only looking to get disappointed.

·  Anonymous said:

Lets be real-Chris is charming, he is a schmoozer. He was working the crowd in DC. If you are nice to someone, than you get your interview. This time he snagged a desperate fan girl & hung out with her. Not the type of guy I would ever want to be involved with. I could not be w/ a guy that wanted to go to those types of clubs. I think SSH didn't like it either. If this is the life he wants to live he will either have to find a person ok with it, change or be single. 10 steps back for me.

·  Anonymous said:

I think she is just a fan with a crush and people are reading into this way too much. I don’t think that’s her hand on his shoulder and the pose is also something we’ve seen in comic con pics. Her “way good friend lol” to means she is joking because he isn’t. The “don’t hate the player hate the game” is again joking and means don’t be mad at her because she got to meet him and her friend didn’t. Was there flirting ? Maybe but we know he does with everyone and she might thought it was just her.  

·  Anonymous said:

I don't know how publicits work. Do they keep track of the mentions of their clients in SM? I wonder if Chris' publicist is already checking the situation. TIME FOR A DODGER PIC IF YOU ARE READING HERE!!!!!

·  Anonymous said:

I find it hard to believe Chris would use this venture to go fishing for a college aged hookup or girlfriend. He mentions age and sneaking into bars in that video, so he also knew her (Bella’s) approximate age. I have no doubt he gets plenty of action and isn’t a saint, but this truly seems like she is playing up something that doesn’t exist. I question her more than him here, again, because he knows this is an important project with “real life” important people, not hollywood actors.

·  Anonymous said:

Chris seems so immature. I know we want to put the blame on Janey and MK and all the other girlfriends but honestly am I the only that thinks maybe it’s HIM who’s the problematic one? Idk I’m young so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about lol

·  Anonymous said:

All this shot is crazy. I’m know Chris is no saint but come on! At least let her be in her late twenties or early thirties! That’s nasty because she’s two years younger than me!

·  Anonymous said:

I’m not down for slut shaming in any regard. If anything happened, Chris was most definitely down for it. I just think it was dumb on her part, because she posted about it. Any potential employers could see this as a red flag. They don’t want to deal with the fallout of an employee causing a potential PR scandal, especially in the political world. Like if she did this once, she’ll prob do it again. I don’t think she’s gunning to be Mrs. Evans, but she def wanted to party and maybe hook up.

·  Anonymous said:

There was another video of him sending a message to a different person on a different day. I don't think the fact she ask him to do that means anything

·  Anonymous said:

For someone who seemed smart enough to get near a HW star, she sure was pretty naive and had no clue on how this fandom work LOL

·  Anonymous said:

But what damage could be done ? It’s not like he did something bad. There is no need to excuse his behavior because nothing illegal was done it’s not like he was caught with a 17 year old in a “massage parlour”. You guys also need to stop with this “he is almost 40” like he was supposed to stop having fun and living his life at 35. If you don’t like it fine don’t live YOUR life that way but don’t be mad at him for refusing to just settle and die because he is “almost 40” .

·  Anonymous said:

Not be agree with the places Chris frequents doesn't mean we think he is Cap. I have enought to hear this explication, like we are too much stupid to make the difference between the actor and the role he plays. With the conversation we have here, the majority of anons aren't teenagers i guess. A lot of people don't feel comfortable with the sex industry(porno,stripclub or the one night stand). It would be my brother,my neighbour,my cousin,it's a vice we don't understand not naivety about Chris.

·  Anonymous said:

I don't have much to say about this situation but I wouldn't be surprised if it does turn out to be something sleazy. I mean, this is a guy who had an affair with his married co-star and just a few weeks after she actually left her husband for him, he was going to strip clubs & she was tweeting about how that upset her. So he's not always a stand up guy. Mostly I find it funny that even when the girl is a young intern not in HW, she's STILL an attention seeking type. His picker is so broken.

·  Anonymous said:

Well, Chris definitely has a type.

·  Anonymous said:

I don't think that people are being judgemental but more worried about the consequences that this could create. Internet can make things scalate too quickly and even change the facts. But let's be honest. Chris is white, male, straight, rich. He will be ok. But he has to stop taking pics in those places. Remember when he was dating JS and he went to a certain place in Canada? No pics, people left it behind. That's the right thing to do. No pics, so it's as if it didn't happen.

·  Anonymous said:

Burlesque clubs in NYC are often listed in magazines as “things to do” in the city. They are seen as touristy activities. I can see a young girl being excited to go & asking for a hookup to get vip treatment. The place is not what you guys are making it out to be.

·  Anonymous said:

Oh please. How should he have celebrated international women’s day ffs. This is starting to get ridiculous. Women. Including 20 year old ones are allowed to go to burlesque clubs. Get out of here with that comment. And if you’re going to invoke a feminist day maybe consider the fact that she went of her own volition? I mean this insinuation that he took a naive child to a strip club. It’s starting to get a bit unhinged up in here.

·  Anonymous said:

Are we forgetting he got involved with a whole ass married woman? Lmao, this whole situation is not much of a stretch as people are making. I wish he’d grow up like all of you. He talks the talk of wanting to be a husband and father. He paints himself as a family man. Which yes, he is family oriented. But then he does things like this, which are unfortunately also on brand given his past. Megan, his publicists names I believe, better be getting paid time and half putting out these fires lol.

·  Anonymous said:

Right but this is like barely a scandal. We’re just focused on it and there are some social media comments. So for all those saying he should be seen doing serious things umm he is? For the casual fan his serious image is 100% in tact. And my guess is will stay that way. This will blow over in 48 hours tops. It’s not getting any traction other than gossip corners of the internet. Being seen seriously doesn’t mean living like a monk ffs. He didn’t do anything wrong, y’all just dramatic and judgy.

·  Anonymous said:

I think we can all agree no matter what the reality might be, the optics aren’t great. If him &his friend are trying to get this new project off the ground in DC, and hes being photographed in a burlesque club in NYC in the same vicinity as DC interns, the DAY AFTER giving interviews, the optics are awful. Politicians would be quick to distance themselves from their project and with those hes already met, potentially wouldn’t give him their time again, especially if their interns are involved.

·  Anonymous said:

fans saying he should live his life however he wants-nobody is saying he shouldn't. But people shouldn't be naive enough to think that optics don't matter. They matter a lot.

·  Anonymous said:

If the other interns were there they were smart not to post about it. Like that other anon said I imagine the people in D.C. will not be happy about this I’m sure there are social media rules about how to behave.

·  Anonymous said:

Mark's been to The Box before, he's posted stories from his trips there.

·  Anonymous said:

Some are ok to see a 38 years old man having habits in strip,nightclub and before Playboy party. Good. Some women don't like men like it!Chris or not Chris! I find it perverse,it's all. Frat boys aren't my type of men and great my man isn't like it. And i don't see Chris change when he will be married. There will always be a Mark or an Adam for ask him to go. Scott seems to enjoy trashy club but Zack too so they go as a couple. Maybe am i too prude 😒

·  Anonymous said:

This truly blew up fast. Not a Pats fan, but a few years ago, Edelman hooked up w/ a girl he met out partying & she posted a pic of them in bed the next morning on Snapchat. I’m not saying that Chris hooked up with her, we will never know & honestly it’s no one’s business. But both situations definitely seemed opportunistic, but at least with this one people are holding Chris accountable too. The other girl got slut shamed majorly. Like girls, you don’t have to post everything on social media.

·  Anonymous said:

Even if there were more interns there, even if Mark was there with Chris... if they went with the interns it's still not a good look. They are both near their 40's. It's a no to rang out with 20's, principally in that kind of enviroment that revolves around sex. This could be used to damage his image, his career, this could be used to damage their initiative about the political site. It just take one article or one tweet from a Trump supporter with many followers for that.

·  Anonymous said:

She may or may not have been the only intern with him. She may or may not have ended up with him last night. This time it’s slipped on social media. Imagine all the other times it hasn’t! Disappointed if he’s on the same Leo, Cary Fukunaga and Jake train but are we surprised? Women around his age think differently, and clearly he’s not settling down this minute. Wonder what else would leak. I’ll be here with my tea and popcorn.

·  Anonymous said:

This doesn’t look good, but at the same time I feel bad for this girl and her BF, fellow interns, friends, etc. Suddenly a rabid fan base is combing through their every move trying to play detective. I get the curiosity, I’m curious too, but I know how people overreact. And while most are fine, already people are crossing the line and commenting. Not a kick on you, just kinda crazy the lengths that some go to. I’m so glad I grew up without social media for most of my life.

·  Anonymous said:

don cheadle once saying on a talk show that the cast of the avengers(including chris of course) all went to a burlesque bar in london. ALL of them. it's not a crime...or is it??? and as for that bella chick going wit him?? who the hell wouldn't go if we were invited? good for her.

·  Anonymous said:

I feel that a conveniently timed Dodger video (or photo) is imminent. Or will we go really old school with a video for a sick child? Some sort of distraction from the current (I agree ,totally inappropriate) drama. Thing is that sort of tactic will only work for so long, less and less people will forget each time. While there's no problem visiting a burlesque club,hell I've been myself, it's the company you take to the club that should be more carefully considered. Not a smart move.

·  Anonymous said:

Of course he has pr. But people don’t understand how pr works. He doesn’t clear every private dumb decision with them and ask for professional pr advice. He lives his life (and makes dumb mistakes clearly!) but typically a professional pr team isn’t involved unless it affects him professionally, like blows up into a scandal affecting his image and work. They don’t babysit his private life. We’re all fired up about it on our corner of the internet but we’re not really at a true scandal.

·  Anonymous said:

People were rightfully dragging Cavill for dating a 19 year old.Chris went to a strip/ burlesque club with a young girl (since one woman posted about them on the birthday video we know they were there together) and there are people still thinking this is ok? (Not saying you do mood) He is stupid many times: one for doing it, one for thinking that is ok, one for leaving traces of it.Oh, wait.The girl is the one who left the traces. That remember me of someone else who used to leave proofs behind.

·  Anonymous said:

Ok. I remember when him an Janey broke up, and a few weeks later he was in Houston for the Super Bowl. Him and his friends met some girls at a party, and he invited some of them back to the house with them. Some videos were uploaded. I don’t think this is that different. He went away for a trip, met a girl, and invited her along for the ride. More than likely this is nothing, and this girl is just being opportunistic. He really needs to pick ladies who can use discretion in the future.

·  Anonymous said:

I think this is just an example of how celebrity image works. If you aren’t part of Chris fandom or gossip you have no clue. Just a basic google news search for him right now shows his DC rounds and Captain Marvel tweet. And that’s the image he wants to have (and I think genuinely does to a point). But isolated Instagram pics that don’t fit easily into a narrative are never going to get traction. Sure they’ll always be there because internet, but give it another week and it’ll barely be a blip.

·  Anonymous said:

Chris is this guy who invite strangers during party/games night in his house or girls who his friends and him met to à bar for partying in friend's house(the tmz video after the end of round 1),it's seem to be how he is but he is the guy, in doing that who trust in everybody and after there are these kind of pic/video not flattering in not flattering place. I see some say he is single so he's enjoy it but he did it when he was with JS, her tweet where she was upset to his bf going to stripclub.

·  Anonymous said:

This would not be blowing up if this bella girl had seemed to be in the company of the same friends at the box as she went to NYC with but that is not the case. Mark might have been with them too but why would this rocky lanes person only follow bella's IG and not Mark's too?

·  Anonymous said:

All of this stuff is already on twitter and instagram tagging Chris, Megan and even Josh for some reason...

·  Anonymous said:

Maybe i missed something, but what’s wrong with Chris taking pics in that club or wherever he was & why couldnt the girl(s) put the pic on her ig

·  Anonymous said:

I haven't heard the video but the "my way good friend" comment seems like a joke. Like "this is my very famous friend who I just met and we're already close" And I think that if he denied those girls of taking a picture he'll be criticize, and considering what they work in and those outfits, seems to me like he ows them that little courtesy 🙄 cause

·  Anonymous said:

My phone was acting weirs so I don't know if my last ask got through: this bella girl is in NYC with friends from DC and a guy named doug, who works in DC, and has also met Chris is with her. If you go through their IG stories they spent the day together but she is the only one of them to post from the box something.

·  Anonymous said:

High end club or not, I checked the pic bellanovemberr posted with the women in her stories and their room seems cheap and have holes in the ceiling. It doesn't matter how expensive those places are, I always at least side eye how they treat women. Their employees deserve better and more respect.

·  Anonymous said:

C'mon! It is one of the most exclusive night clubs in NY. I read the reviews of The Box on the web and there’s nothing wrong with attending such a place. It is not absolutamnete a local “hard”. as he quotes a review I found: “It’s definitely not a local hard if any of you are asking, it’s fun, crazy and weird … it totally reflects New York.”

And, maybe, it was the birthday video girl who invited Chris to go there.

·  Anonymous said:

Do you think it’d be weird if Chris hooked up with a 20 year old...I mean look at Leo Dicaprio and his girlfriend

·  Anonymous said:

Some people have serious problems with celebrities (here: Chris), pedestals, and managing their own fantasies and expectations. They build them up up up, and inevitably get SERIOUSLY broken hearted, hurt, and bitter, when the celeb in question obviously fails to live up to them. I mean, how can they? They're human, and almost never actually aware of these expectations. And I wish I could say that these fans are young and inexperienced, but a lot of them are adults, so...

·  Anonymous said:

"Her IG is also followed by Mark Kassen, who is also in New York." Mark followed her the same day she posted that video.

·  Anonymous said:

I'm not naive to think single/married man and other famous actors don't go to those places but how many of them have pics taken there? None. I checked the club and it's a sort of freak show club too and celebs are part of the customers. A Vanity Fair article mentioned some names. But no pics. So it doesn't stick with them. It can be said that it's hipocritical go there and refuse pics but it would be the best decision for his image. Let's bet he will post a pic of Dogder?

·  Anonymous said:

Recently I came across this Don Cheadle interview on Seth Meyers, where he talked about him,Evans,RDJ,Hemsworth & Renner going to Burlesque club in London & nobody recognising them on street so I guess they all are into this kind of entertainment but only this guy is dumb enough to take pics

·      Anonymous said:

That girl’s comment about SSH made me laugh! Hope he had fun at that burlesque bar! Establishments like those are sooo nice.

                                                                                                                                 ·      Anonymous said:                                                 

The fact his boyfriend(ex now) deleted all the pics of her means himself discovered how is she is: at the same time she was dating him she doesn't have qualms to touch too much a man who has the double of his age, play like she said and pursue him in NY in a burlesque show, that imply naked women and alcohol when he was in far away of her. She didn't do all the things without have something in mind. She lost her boyfriend for have the attention of Chris for few hours. Well play girl.      

·     Anonymous said: 

I don’t think that one who makes a happy birthday video like this to a girl for her twenties, surprising her age so young, then he decides to have fun with a girl of the same age or little more.

[mimimariet]

month 3

Not really documenting how my meds are affecting me or anything anymore. (Just did a 1 week review LOL) Cause I’m still in depressive slumps. Though now it’s like. I’ll be a manic piece of shit during work and I come home and I’m immediately depressed. This has been going on for the last 2 weeks, almost 3. I’m wondering if theres more to me than I think there is? I’m questioning my own brain now. I know my home is a toxic environment and work is just a good distraction but my god it’s soooooooooooooooo fucking annoying going back to how I was MONTHS PRIOR to this medication. I am fully aware I need a doctor in the psych field. To actually better treat my bipolar and shit. I always mention how the last time it went i was seeing a dude who would tell me I’d amount to nothing and live under the bridge I should walk over cause I was obese.

Y’know my meds now made me put on 10 pounds. My diet.. hasn’t changed. I had consistently stayed 166 for MONTHS and 2 months into this medication I’ve put on 10 pounds.

And I’m still emotionally fucking unstable and of course I’m terrified of losing the people I hold dear to me. Which. Isn’t a lot. But still. Cause it fucking happened before. “Oh I love you, your mental health won’t scare ME off!” And then you vanished, weird. I’m having deja vu.

The things I’ve noticed:

My mania is more apparent and holy shit am I annoying, my mom should’ve aborted me.

My energy is really weird.

I sleep heavily instead of lightly ? I guess. Cause it makes you sleep. So. Eh.

Optimistic at weird times.

I’ve become a little more socially inclusive whereas I was becoming extremely exclusive / isolated.

Things that seem to remain the same:

Crying every night over my own agony when I know it could be worse but my brain keeps telling me to just fucking die and reminds me of every bad interaction I’ve had with people and how my life is literally stagnant.

I am emotionally draining and I don’t know why people associate with me at all. I’m no one of high importance, I know my worth, but I’m reminded I should really fucking get a grip and stop believing that. I do know my qualities as a person: I’m fun, high energy and loving. I’m also bitter and really fucking cold when there’s been nothing on the receiving end. Which.. you know.. is when it’s time to cut out people. Really. I rather avoid any unnecessary drama. I know there’s no way to actually say “hey, I’m leaving. Don’t be mad, it’s just me. Not you. I’m still here though.” I have enough drama in this household. Life is just weird ? Like. My homes toxic. Not only mentally but jesus this house is DISGUSTING. Florida is SHITTY IN GENERAL. The people here.. god bless them.

I’ve been nothing but stressed. And terrified I’m gonna lose people from me just.. always being depressed. Reaching out all “hey i’m here if you need me” like that really doesn’t do anything for me and I’m sorry but it’s useless. I don’t really need a pep talk or a reminder either. I just need to get a grip. I just wanna be happy but I’ll never achieve that.

On top of that I worry about my love life. I know people love me and ooohh my amazing qualities ^_^ but I feel like.. I’ll never find someone who will just look at me and go “ABSOLUTELY. MINE. THE BEST. I LOVE U. WED ME.” and be comfortable with me and work with my fuckery (and my hideousness cause I’ll never be happy with whomst I see in the mirror..). I’m nooooooooot looking for anyone though. Also have trust issues. Thumbs up. (I fall in love pretty quickly, but I’ll neeever do dating sites or the such.)

GUESS I’VE NEVER REALLY LEARNED HOW TO COPE OR LET GO OF ANYTHING. I’ll hold a grudge and a heartbreak til I fucking DIE cause I’m just that unstable.

At the same time though, when people go on about never finding someone I’ll say “hey, you really don’t need anyone to live a fulfilling life. Love yaself” or some bullshit I spew. Like. I rather be alone. HOWEVER I CAN’T. CAUSE I NEED SOMEONE. I’m very.. ugh. I’m not clingy. I’m clingy but I’m not. I just want someone to claim and be claimed. I’m very devoted when I’m in love. Since for whatever reason people wanna say “clingy is toxic / abusive behavior” cool thanks I’m not abusive.. maybe a little toxic. I can’t be perfect all the time. I keep my fucking mouth shut don’t I? Not really.

I just wanna be coddled and properly loved. I’ve.. not really ever had that. Everything was restricted. I hate being touched but god damn it I wanna be held lmao. I wanna be comfortable.

With myself and with someone.

My faith is so extremely low and the other bit of all this is my focus on my art and my comics and blah blah It’s taking me So Long to DO ANYTHING. I’d step down to part time at my job but I’d lose my AMAZING BENEFITS. (my 5% discount at doctors offices cause I’ve limited travel! Lol! It cost me nearly $300 just to talk to someone about the meds I’m on and am almost out of! I still owe $100!!!! I tossed the bill out!!!!!!!!!!!) I need the full time hours especially if I want to move out of here. I’m stuck. I’M STUCK. I’m fucking STUCK. I don’t DRIVE YET. Lifes expensive and bitch I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS.

Things I’m fully aware of: I’m worth something, I have value and importance, I need to find actual help, I need to take the steps necessary for some healing process, I need to be on more than just 1 thing to keep my stable, I need to find balance and a system I can work with, I need to eat better and sleep better (Even tho my energy is very lunar fueled.) I can’t stress about the unknown, I need to do the scary things.

I don’t have an issue with opening up and vulnerability, I just get really embarrassed that I’m like this and I fucking breakdown crying when I do. Like. I can go on about everything in the book. Actually using my vocal cords for such a thing.. not entirely impossible.. Just extremely difficult.

Why even make things public? Hm? What’s the good in that? You’re just bitching for attention on the internet. No one needs to know about this! My aunt inquiring why, when I am 24 years old and am allowed to do as I fucking please.

Mental health is such a.. gently brushed on topic by a lot people and very focused on by a select few others. Acknowledgement is very important in this day and age.  As a reminder to others looking, you’re not alone. Be it bipolar or bpd or PTSD etc etc.. When I was 13-17, no one was saying shit other than my doctor talking shit about me being useless. So y’know, 24 years old, still very much so struggling but still surviving. It hurts. It sucks. Eventually it’ll get better. I know on the internet it looks like everyones queer and sad which probably so, but it’s a little comforting to know that you’re not the only sad bitch. Cause you go about your business in a world where people just emit neurotypical behaviors and don’t understand, look at you like you’re a crackhead cause you’re manic af. Hello. Hi. It’s me you’re talking about.

Anyway, I’m not happy and I want to be happy. Being some nightly ritual of crying alone in your bed.. Is sooooooooooo exhausting..

[etherealrj]

bad at love - part two

pairings - reddie

words - 1.3K

 warnings - none

part one

part three

part four

It was quite easy to say that the car ride to the arcade was the most awkward situation either boy had been in since walking in on Richie’s parents getting it on, on Richie’s 16th birthday.

Eddie completely shut down once inside the beat-up piece of shit that Richie calls a car. Although none of the losers would give it up for the world, they’ve all been through too much in this car but it was still a piece of shit.

Eddie cringes at idea of the copious amount times Richie has been balls deep inside his girlfriend in this very seat. He tries not think about that too much not wanting to mentally scar himself even more than he already is.

“Eds,” Richie mumbles from the drives seat. “You-You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but I’m here to listen.” He pauses to turn down the busy main street of Derry. “Like, if you want. Y'know?” Eddie doesn’t verbalise a response but sends a subtle nod in Richie’s direction hoping that was enough to get his message across.

He appreciates it. He really does, Richie’s never this quiet, especially when they are driving, he always feels the need to turn whatever loud repulsive song is playing on the radio, blasting it from the speakers while screaming at the top of his lungs. Eddie lets out an affectionate huff at the memory of Richie belting out the lyrics to Shaggy and looking utterly ridiculous while doing so.

“Earth to Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie says obnoxiously waving a hand in front of his face. Breaking Eddie from his thoughts, he realised he’d been staring off into space for the past few minutes. Eddie pushes Richie’s hand away from his face.

“Ugh, get your hand away from me.”

Richie lets out a loud laugh before leaning into Eddie, “That’s not what you’ll be saying later tonight, baby boy.” Eddie rolls his eyes, before shoving the car door open and heading toward the arcade, he walks off on Richie half heartedly listening to him proclaim sex noise from the top of his lungs across the carpark. Heavy footsteps echo on the bitumen behind him, Eddie can hear the boys aspirated voice faded as he entered the building. The amount of kids running around always seems to overwhelm him.

Eddie feels Richie put his hand on his shoulder, immediately calming his senses. The taller boy guides him toward the booth in the back. The loud laughs from their pals brings a small smile to Eddie’s face.

“Eddie! Richie! We we’re starting to worry.” Mike says with a big smile as he shuffles over to make room for the pair.

“Yeah. You guys are late.” Stan added, brushing the single curl from in front of his eye behind his ear.

“Sorry guys, Eddie was trying to get into my pants. I needed to remind him that I have prior engagements.” Eddie slapped Richie across the chest before leaning his head back against the booth, repressing the urge to wipe everything down with antibacterial wipes. Ben snorted loudly at the pair.

“Speaking of girlfriend!” Bev exclaimed. “How are you guys?” Eddie listened intently to Richie’s answer, noticing a slight hesitation. He cracked opened one of his eyes to see the taller boy staring at his face.

“We, um” He paused. “It’s good, great even.” Eddie groaned internally, supressing a sigh. “For her. I think. I’m trying really hard to just love her but I can’t.”

“W-W-w-hat?” Bill stutters. His stutter extremely worsened due to the heavy surprise of Richie’s statement. It had gotten better since they were thirteen, all the Losers were incredibly proud of Bill’s effort to improve his speech patterns.

“You didn’t mention this in the car Rich?” Eddie questions, slightly more intrigued than necessary. He’s still his best friend regardless of what he feels for the other. Richie glances around the table and lands his focus on Eddie.

“She told me, she’s in love with me.”

“What’s the matter with that? You guys say that all the time?” Ben said. Richie paused looking down at his hands placed upon the table. Eddie was feeling more excited than deemed acceptable but the look on Richie’s face was telling him it wasn’t all that important.

“I love her like I love Eddie’s Mom.”

 “It’s enough, but not enough. No offense Ed.” Eddie snorted and waved his hand.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Eddie asked nibbling on his lower lip.

“Yeah, you can’t just leave her hanging.” Mike added after taking a sip from what Eddie could only imagine too be Mike’s all-time favourite strawberry milkshake.  

“If you were in the same position you wouldn’t appreciate it.” Stan said in-between bites of his fruit salad.  The poor boy could only ever eat the food his Mother prepared for him, he always had to bring food with him whenever they all go out.

“If you don’t love her at all, you need to break up with her. The sooner the better.” Bev said with a raise of her eyebrows.

Richie sighed before saying, “That’s not even the worst part.”

“W-w-what could b-be w-worse than that?” Bill asked. Richie leaned back into the red booth, back relaxing against the worn vinyl.

He lifted his arm and settled it on the back of the chair behind Eddie’s back. “I’m in love with someone else.” Eddie’s whole entire world seemed to simultaneous brighten and dull all at once.

Moments past by when suddenly Eddie is pulled from his thoughts by a slap on his back followed by Richie’s departure. Eddie shook his head and faced the group. All five other members seemed to have targeted their attention toward him. “What just happened? Where’d Rich go?”

“You weren’t listening?”  Ben said. “He’s going to break up with Jane.” The table went silent all the remaining members of the Loser’s attention focus’ on Eddie.

“What?” Eddie said with a shake of his head glancing around at the Loser’s.

“Whose gonna tell him?” Eddie looks over to Mike, an unreadable expression etched onto his face.

“Y-you know he loves y-you right?” Bill says, eyes widened as he glances across the round table at Eddie. Eddie shakes his head.

“He’s been spending a lot of time with Roxanne lately.” Eddie trailed off, glancing around the room at anything but his friends. The old worn out red seats that loitered the walls, the dark carpet covered in a multitude of questionable stains, the walls lined with pinball machines and the area slowly filling with children all rushing around, hoping to get a spot in line in front of their favourite game. The arcade was always busy on Friday nights, the absence of Riche was unnerving. Eddie knowing the only reason he still comes here is for boy. He mentally wished the boy luck in whatever course he was taking with Jane.

“Eddie,” Bev said. “It’s you. It always has been.”  

“Well-Well, I- Maybe I don’t like him back, did you ever think of that huh? What makes you think that I Eddie Kaspbrak would ever feel anything for Trashmouth Richie Tozier? Have you seen that boy? Have You? There are no redeeming qualities about him whatsoever.  Not even his soft curls or-or his dark eyes that make you feel warm all over or the number of freckles that always seem to multiply across his nose every other week. Or-or even that small smile that plays on his lips when he sleeps and that fact his literally as blind as a bat without those ugly ass glasses. Don’t even get me started on those stupid Mom jokes he’s always making or-or his annoying habit to give everyone and everything a fucking nickname. I don’t have any feelings for Richie Tozier. Ugly! Everything is just ugly.” Eddie sucked in a hard breath from previously exhausting all his oxygen from prior events. He was met by five faces which he was all too familiar with, all sporting the same amused expression.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and before he had any time to reaction, the pale faced curly headed boy he knew all to well was leaning over him. If Eddie were to turn his face slightly to the left there would be no avoiding the beautiful face of Richie Tozier. Eddie swallowed down a lump in his throat. “Wow Ed’s, you’ve wounded me. Didn’t know you had it in ya.”

A/N sike guys theres gonna a part three because i’m wayyyy to invested in this story. I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think! I had a lot of problems posting this so I hope it posted the right one lmao

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[taahko]

hey so... I really respect you... but I'm straight? so like how can i as a straight girl NOT victimize the lgbtq+ community? i don't want to piss yall off and you seem informed on the matter

oh whoa big question uhh

any of my other fellow Gays can add on to this if they want but for me its like.......... 3 main things: Don’t Fetishize, Don’t Minimize, and perhaps most importantly to me, Don’t Avoid

Don’t Fetishize: i’m a gay woman (ish), not a gay man, so i can’t speak to all sides of the issue and idk what your media consumption habits are, but fetishization of the lgbt community is a huge problem in movies, tv shows, and fandom. yeah, even (and especially) so called ‘gay allies’ in fandom spaces are hell bent on twisting gay love, especially mlm love, into something to jack off to and its nasty. heres some things to avoid and/or call out as they happen:

phrases like “hot gay sex” in a post written by a straight person

honestly any detailed descriptions/fantasies of gay sex written or described by straight people because it’s always through this lense of ‘oh em gee guys wldnt this be so Hot!!’ like no. shut up and let gay people exist for themselves u nastees

straight people talking a LOT about their usually mlm ships wth this kind of detailed yet detached air, like theyre entitled to every second of a gay relationship yet dont quite see the participants as human

all of this goes double if one or both of the people in the ship is a poc, because thats a Big Red Alert for intersectional bigotry right there

Don’t Minimize: this one’s sort of for more of irl interactions and its something ive encountered a lot, especially from more liberal people (of which there are a lot here in nyc). something that liberal straight people tend to want to do a lot is minimize the struggles of lgbt people. this allows them to turn a blind eye to acts of homophobia and ignore a lot of the pain that their lgbt friends and relatives go through, because theyve convinced themselves it’s not a big issue. ways to avoid this:

don’t respond to descriptions of homophobia (irl or online!) with exasperated phrases like “UGH come on! it’s 2017 people we should be past this!” because any gay person on earth would be happy to tell you that no, we’re really not 

expressions of sympathy or support are welcomed, as long as they arent patronizing or dismissive. dont just pull a face and say ‘oh that sucks’ and leave it at that when you hear about homophobia in action. investigate, learn, research, critique. look deeper.

but don’t expect any gay person you know to perform intellectual labor for you and tell you everything about the community without you finding anything out for yourself. google is real and it’s right there in your hand

work to understand that homophobia is global and it is societal and the win for marriage equality did not change the quality of life or the mental health of many gay people in the country and especially the world. this is a huge issue, and it affects us every day

(sidenote writing all of this out for u could be considered unprompted intellectual labor so if you have a million followup questions maybe try.....googling it)

Don’t Avoid: ok so after reading all of that, you might be feeling a little...exhausted of it. maybe youre thinking “all of this is so complicated, theres so many ways to fuck it up, maybe i shouldn’t even try”. maybe youre tempted to retreat from this, to avoid gay media and gay discourse in order to avoid messing up or "pissing us off”. don’t do that. as much as i like to make jokes about straighties and shit, even i can recognize that we do actually kind of need your guys’ support on the social and political spheres. and for yall to do that effectively, you need to be informed.

seek out gay media. seek out gay characters. learn to love them and care for them as people. dont avoid them because they might make you, deep down, a little uncomfortable

seek out gay PEOPLE. lgbt focused blogs, lgbt icons and influencers, lgbt celebrities, lgbt friends. dont be afraid to interact with us or talk to us. the only way to improve and to grow is to try

monitor yourself, monitor your actions. do you use gay as an insult? no? do you laugh with people who do, without criticism? do you avoid speaking up for gay people around you out of fear of being seen as ‘other’ or worse, gay yourself? these are a few of the questions you should be asking yourself, every day

honestly im really touched that you reached out to me about this. i know i wrote a lot, but honestly, theres million more things to be said. i really do encourage my lgbt mutuals and followers to add on to this IF they want with their own suggestions, and i encourage you and any other straight people to read them! 

[cnisms]

ok wow... here are some v basic intros for beck, aja, veronika, bella, angel n natalya ! they won’t be super detailed bc... theres fricken 6 of them... some are longer, some are shorter, they are all ugly. but i do know my muses inside out so if u ever want me to expand on anything or fill in any gaps, just lmk. no stat pages for any of them yet, so i’ll list the basics in here. plotting ? yk what to do ! im me or just punch me in the face ! n ofc if theres specific plots u have in mind already just lmk bc as yall know... im always gonna snatch them up anyways (also ONCE AGAIN sorry for never replying to ims, i’m just a lot of foul moods these days n obviously it’s got nothin to do w yall so i wait... aka i get five minutes of peace a week... but i 100% always wanna plot n be friends !!! i WILL reply... eventually...) v brief mentions of miscarriage, drug addiction, neglect, murder n obviously death.

i lied i actually did start this ugli’s stats !! barely, but they’ll be here.

you will never met a bigger nerd than beck ever im tellin u now

had a nice childhood, parents are both scientists n lowkey hippies, v v v smart household. they were always more friendly than parental with him due to the fact that he’s always been (not super mature but) very intellectual.

grew up interested in everything. studied hard n fast. has graduated too many times. thought maybe the goal was to be a lecturer ? couldn’t pick on what tho. ended up staying to hang around his last university and instead tutors literally everyone in literally any subject. if ur muse is studying @ imperial college ? beck is their favourite tutor. srry it’s law !

just a nice guy ? unfortunately doesn’t have very many negative traits to him bc that’s just the way it worked out but he does talk a lot n has trouble effectively communicating anything he hasn’t studied so he may not always appear to be the nicest guy but ? he rlly is just a ugh jesse mccartney vc beautiful soul.

barely getting by bc how much can u charge uni students ? the answer is the minimum. he’s never been super materialistic or anything so it’s not a rude shock to him but his social life suffers (i mean he could find plenty to do himself but he is always rejecting invitations) due to lack of funds.

so boring.. so vanilla..

has to told be told to shut up or he will go for two days n yes it does hurt his feelings xx

megan ajala parekh (goes by aja), 22, cisfemale, panromantic, pansexual, listens to too much usher

was raised between the city n a farm a lil while out of town. had to deal w all of the divorce drama worse than either of her parents. they all cut each other off when she was 16 and she’s fake af making jokes abt it, acting like it was the best decision ever but she wasn’t prepared at all ? she was just couch surfing n surviving on birthday money from her grandparents n she was scared but v “no goin’ back now ig!” about the whole situation/

big mess ! also had no idea what she wanted to do but she was actually a huge flop education wise (no offense gf, me too) n ended up in a government programme n through that she just did whatever was recommended so she ended up in aged care n she loves it !

to be fair she loves everything tho so ? that’s not really sayin much. 

super excitable n ott. is always goin’ head first into everything.

as a result she’s also always exhausted n grumpy. one or the other. she can’t calm herself down n maintain a healthy lifestyle. it just doesn’t work.

lives in a disused hospital bc why not. she’s savin’ up for a nice van... to live in... that’s rlly where she sees herself.

except she’s not really saving up bc she’s the definition of headassery and is spending all her money on fast food and expensive sunglasses n hats that she will lose that same week.

i’m falling asleep but naomi scott is a goddess so whom cares 

veronika erikson, 40, cisfemale, biromantic, bisexual, old as mc’heck so she’s actually got a life for me to talk abt

born in denmark, was scouted at 16, lived between paris and new york after that, had massive success as a model. made money, set trends, still pops up in every other #goals pinterest board and #mood instagram tag. was an entire it girl back in the 90s but ! it was never fulfilling.

literally all she wanted ? her entire life ? was to be a mother ? nothing else ? modelling was a good way for her to make money bc realistically she wouldn’t have been happy doing anything that wasn’t raising her own children but she was never satisfied.

NEVER GOT HER BABIES ! despite marrying very young (she was v keen to start a family but she was also super in love) n immediately gettin into it and giving up her career at 23 to be at her prime health-wise, she had no success. suffered a LOT. the fact that the problem could never be identified was obviously super frustrating n stressed her the frick out ? the miscarriages my dude... she’d been through it n would tell herself not to get her hopes up but it was obviously always worlds worst heartbreak every time.

grew to resent her husband bc tho she knew he wasn’t to blame, she needed to put it on someone. never adopted or looked at other options out of (irrational) fear that she’d have the same kind of feelings towards any children that she didn’t birth herself so ! shit didn’t get better. it literally started 10 yrs ago... and it the negative feelings changed in intensity over n over but they somehow managed to survive 10 years n only recently separated so ! she got rid of everything n moved to london for a fresh start where she now flips houses bc she can ig n it gives her smth to do !

honestly would make the best mother ? she’s aunt to the yates siblings (hey huns) and always did the most for her fricken mini-me imogen. beautiful vodka aunt who brings gifts and gushes about u n is here to gossip but is ready to go off on ur ass if u force her to. won’t go around babying people but... if u give her the chance... 

that... that’s her personality... ideal mom in every way.

separates her private n public life very well but doesn’t share her important thoughts or feelings at all. generally a nice but passive person. 

courtney love tweeting about riverdale vibes.

arabella gomfrey, 23, closeted pan princess (literally a princess (cici is shaking)), sofia coppola’s marie antoinette

the whole gomfrey situation will be developed eventually but for now here is this.

they may not be, but bella is a v affectionate person. is wedged firmly up her entire family’s ass. loves her parents n lets them n everyone else know. rlly thinks they’re right about absolutely everything. will agree to n do anything they say.

will do anything anyone says honestly ? as long as it doesn’t come in conflict with what her parents want for her ? tell her to walk off a building bc it’ll make her parents happy n she’ll sit there stressing and considering it for hours.

won’t think for herself but still manages to be a major fake. only tells u what you want to hear, excessively sweet, will not be the one to deliver bad news ever hell nope she’s paying someone to do that for her. 

v cliquey n judgemental. her inner circle is literally just other pretty rich girls. 

loves the whole situation she was born into n has no shame. milks it. does the most. will throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants. entitled brat !

idk how but she’s the most catholic person you’ll ever meet ? the pope is jealous.

models bc she knows can do whatever the hell she wants without trying ig. just likes the applause.

angela (angel) rosado, 24, panromantic, pansexual, loves girls, Is Beautiful .

yea rosado as in the resort aha... nbd ... was adopted by the rich old rosados when she was 10 n has lived the good life ever since but before that . it was p ugly.

she was literally left on her neighbour’s doorstep when her parents got evicted from their home when angel was 6 months old ? they took her in but ! they struggled ! so a year later when angel’s mother was pregnant again n sorted herself out for a min n came back to claim her so they could be a family or w/e, the people who had been caring for her were obviously like um we rlly should not trust this bich with a baby but we’re abt to be kicked out ourselves so ... they basically forced this image of angel n her mother n the next baby livin happily ever n let her go.

her mother had another girl n angel loved her even tho she was tiny herself... she was (and still is dw her sister is thriving still) crazy abt this baby. she rlly could not love her sister more. their mother wasn’t clean for long, but their father was much worse. when he died 2 yrs later, she quickly worsened too. she was ill n not fit to parent at all but the girls lived with it for 4 yrs before they were taken away. they were told their mother passed away a few months later but neither ever looked into it.

it did not get any better ? in foster care they were bullied ... so bad. they would sneak off everyday to avoid it n then they got in trouble from their carers for doin that like ig you can’t win ! so they were gonna split the sisters up n angel was so ,,, dependent on her lil sister (n got teased for this bc her sister was literally tuckin her in and singing her to sleep every night as if she was the baby) n was not feelin too good about the situation my dudes !

anyways they snuck off to the library soon after n ig hit up The Google for a solution ? n they accidentally ended up reading some story on wtvr gossip site abt these hotel tycoons adopting for the fifth time. angel’s sister.. literally found rosado resorts’ business email . ASKED THEM TO COME ADOPT HER N ANGEL TOGETHER N TAKE THEM AWAY TO LONDON...

n it worked ? luv a (kinda) happy ending

obviously becoming part of a big, rich, sober family in a different country was weird n difficult once the excitement wore off but they made it work. her sister fit in better than her n their parents saw that ? n they noticed she was p much living off of her sister entirely ... but they were v good abt it, they put a lot of time n effort n love into angel n she grew to be THE daddy’s girl of the bunch. like he was good w all of the kids but they always had their (jealous) memes abt angel being the favourite. everyone grew up n moved on, still all v supportive of eachother. angel ? still living near her parents, checkin’ in everyday, still getting everything she wants handed to her.

doesn’t even pretend she’s effectively dealt w the bad memories of her childhood, just straight up acts like she remembers nothing except for her sister singing her to sleep. remembers everything n struggles with it everyday but that’s her business apparently.

likes to let u know that she knows she’s better than u ? better than everyone ? except maybe her sister n her father. doesn’t even like her other siblings. loves them yea, but she doesn’t like them n always starts drama crying to her parents abt how they don’t like her either.

kinda just a real snob yk what i mean ? she’s lit abt her work and her like.. total of 2 friends but otherwise likes to act real unimpressed all the time. 

u would think w the shit she’s seen she would be an understanding person but nope if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t see it.

her parents bought her .. a gym .. for her 20th bday n she opened a few more in the yrs following that and now has celebrities up on instagram posing in angelfit activewear, pretending to drink her protein shakes, u know the deal. she’s v proud of herself.

UM OK WOW its 8am i’ve been working (slowly) at this whole post for 6hrs now n i just forgot i was keeping these short but i can’t pick which details to remove so u know what ? this one stays meaty. thats it tho i think !

also peep her nameless sister in case anyones lookin for muse ideas in the future :P x

N FINALLY... natalya nikolayevna belyakova, natasha works, 27, demiromantic, demisexual, cute ! dont know if u noticed but she’s russian !

these muses just get more n more extreme as u go down the list o wow n still none of them get a coherent introduction. especially natasha bc ? ok so she was raised by dirty money but ... criminal organisations in moscow ... lets not even get into it. let’s say they were big in weaponry.

anyway ! it was just her, her brother n her father. v close. they were weird, everyone knew this. she had no friends, even when she was living out of home to study. her social life was literally whatever dangerous dinner parties her father invited her to n that was it.

it was never that deep (AKA IT WASNT GROSS LIKE EVERY1 MADE IT OUT TO BE) she's literally just shy n angery pup meme. she’s the pretentious smart girl in every story ever who is like “i hate ppl... books cant stab u in the back” like ok relax who asked NERD but she rlly could not escape her family so might as well love them !

um ig her father had her mother killed when natasha was abt 8 yrs old. apparently she was havin an affair. her brother spilled the beans to her yrs later when he was mad at their father. she wanted to be horrified for a second but thought it would change nothing so there was no point. she rlly stanned her father huh ?

he dead too now rip. while natalya was away studying, every1 in their home... her brother, father, everyone workin’ there ... all ... got killed n then the house was torched quick. she knew business had been gettin uglier but this ugly ? [ mari vc ] ruined her fricken LIFE.

one of her father’s creepy old friends eventually had to let her know what happened n how everyone saw it coming or whatever like ok thanks buddy ! natasha’s rlly sad obviously ? doesn’t last long. now ... she’s mad ! now... She’s pissed.

so she’s come to blame this gang that’s heavy in london. she REALLY drops outta school, comes on over, worms her way into their major rival gang n WAITS. she’s been here . for yrs now . and is yet to do . anything ... despite being obsessed with the idea of revenge. she’s playing the long game and making sure she’s getting all the details right bc she’s like Well this is a suicide mission might as well make it count ! its sad but -.- what are u gonna do ? (rival gang subplot coming soon btw whew!)

keeps her desire for actual bloody revenge to herself bc she doesnt wanna look like she’s gonna cause trouble for anyone when she DEFINITELY IS. she only acts angry enough to have her >.> allies >.> belieb that she’s loyal.

obviously committed . obviously she needs some milk .

not a fun person ? unless u tryna die also. but she’s very put together, v professional, cultivated, charming ig when she wants to be, unfortunately adorable, v organized, um what else ? nothin. that’s that. thanks !

THIS IS SO UGLY I CANT BELIEVE I EMBARRASS MYSELF LIKE THIS BUT U KNOW WHAT ! [ CHRIS TRAEGER VC ] LITERALLY ! A MEMEY INTRO POST IS BETTER THAN NO INTRO POST ! GOOD LUCK WITH UR LIVES ! LOVE U ALL !

[thegeminisage]

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice 

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

oh

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her 

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

[thebirdwithoutfeathers]

the tags on that ask killed me. if i may ask what were they about?

*starts to cry for the billionth time this week*I don’t really get into this a lot on the internet publicly but I’ll make ONE post about it then done. If you’d like to know more then DM me and I can answer any questions, sit back, relax, read, and immerse yourself: THIS WILL BE FKN LONG!

PART 1: “Be me”>Going through the year of the HSC (High School Certificate)>Stress>You’re relationship with your high school friends is hanging by a thread over smth as stupid as who studies more>Your parents fighting each night about the same thing, even though you asked them not to fight infront of you they still did it, to the point of one of them threatening to leave this has NEVER EVER happened so in my eyes it was fucked>You have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, if you talk to your parents they’ll send you to a shrink, if you tell your friends how shit your life is they’ll somehow turn it around and make you the bad guy that complicates everything….>You immerse yourself in the internet world, making a lot of friends, and getting into YouTube because right now that your only coping mechanism>Then your friends accuse you of changing because of the internet when in actual fact its because of them but you can’t say that>THEN ONE NIGHT, you cross paths with someone with whom after 5 mins you give them your email smth you would never do and out of character>It escalates from there; you have this amazing bond with this person, you love them, they become your best friend, they listen, they care for you, they want the best for you, THEY LOVE YOU>3 months go by consisting of talking for 7 hours non-stop to the person everyday, you get really close to the point you gave them your passwords to some stuff>Then in one night, they’re gone *POOF* September becomes one of the hardest months, the one person that truly cared, the one person that you have a connection with is gone and theres nothing you can do about it, no one you can confide in and talk to about this, except the counsellor.>You try and tell people close to you but oh no its an internet friendship so why should it be real????? why should they take it seriously when “it’s just on the internet, they could be a pedo”>The whole world is against you, you want to cry, you want to die, you contemplate cutting yourself, you contemplate making things worse because “how can things be shittier” “why is this happening to me? i never wanted this in life, why why why why why why why i want to die so bad”>you have no idea when you’ll talk to this person again, let alone if you ever will.>You get an email saying after one year pasts you’ll be together again>One year pasts, nothing happened>You don’t know anymore…….do you wait? SPOILER: You wait, because this friendship means too much to let go

PART 2: Heard anything?Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every 6 or so months, I understand why on her half her parents don’t like me and won’t let her talk to me so fml but nope, you have no idea how bad I’d want to hear from her, she means so much to me in a lot of ways, she is as she quoted about me “genuinely she’s the best thing that ever happened to me”

PART 3: CopingI tell only a selective amount of people about this, usually privately or in cases like where I found myself drunk one night with two friends in my garden crying over this, it felt really weird and good. Good because I got it out as I usually keep everything in and then let it all out either crying or having a breakdown (its literally a cycle). And weird because well, unlike a lot of people that I know that have repeatedly been hurt by others, the whole thing with Lamia is the FIRST ever time in my life where I felt genuinely hurt and really affected in every way. Most of the times if I have an argument with someone I just say they’re right, to shut them up about it and just to get it over and done with. It wasn't an argument or any of that sort that’s keeping us apart But it’s really affected me, I sometimes pull myself away from people and make myself seem cold and shy and awkward, not purposely but like idk, its hard to explain. Just recently I cried in my art class, because I thought about her, and kept on thinking about her….then BOOM tears, I tried to be a ninja about it but one of my friends saw me so fail (you know who you are if you see this, hey, and thanks again But yeah, nowadays I cry on the bus about it or curl up in my bed and cry, I think I just miss having such a close friendship with someone. I also try not to get close with people, when i say close I mean REALLY CLOSE, which is ironic because I miss that type closeness, and honestly if anyone ever get to that level I think I’d cave and just hug them and never let go, but I try to avoid that because 1. it freaks me out, and if I go to deep I’m worried i’ll be hurt again. 2. I’ve convinced myself that if I got that close with anyone that person would only fill in a void in my heart that is for Lamia

PART 4: what does she mean to you? surely its simpleno, nothing is simple about this. She is the Dan to my Phil, the antidote to my sadness, if i could ever talk to her I’d be ecstatic, I would drop everything, not go to a lecture, miss my bus, not go to Uni; She makes me feel like I’m actually part of something, part of the world. When we talk its like all my fears and stress is gone, she means more than she could know. 

PART 5: In a nutshell and nowugh jesus, so I met this girl Lamia and she is honestly the most amazing person I’ve met, we are literally the same person, and I can’t get over her, not in a romantic way in a platonic way. I would literally do anything for her, to make things better, to make her happy, I love her, so when she left, my heart was crushed, like all that was positive in that year her and youtube basically was ripped out of me. I hate usually talking about this with my friends in real life, not because I don’t like talking about it, I don't regret meeting her at all. It’s just the emotions bit that I want to kill myself over, because I feel like I’m some little girl who got herself way too deep as usual…. 

Conclusion:My head and my heart are honestly in different places about this, but I’m trying to be optimistic about life and appreciate more the people in my life at the moments virtual and irl, I’ll always feel like I’m being a burden if i vent this out to anyone, pretty much people sometimes have to force me to say what’s wrong but I’m getting bit better hopefully :)                                                                                ~Fin

ps. Lamia, if you see this I love you, and as long as you’re looking at the moon, know I’m here, smiling and looking over you even if we aren’t talking

[victoriousvictoriajackson-blog]

February 23, 2018 - Oblivescence

I only got up because I wanted to try and change your mind again. It seems everyday for the past few years of High School I have been trying to paint clarity, mold interest, replicate passion. But it is like trying to do it with only black paint. Nonetheless, despite last night and what happened with my friends, and everything else I’m sure I’ll explain, I woke up at 6:31 in the morning (somehow I didn’t oversleep the entire morning, since my alarm failed) just to try again. 

By the end of the day, driving home with my mom, I realized I had failed everything. It was lunch time. I left without looking or telling my friends, and they hadn’t noticed despite being a few feet from me. Not until the end of lunch I received a phone call from one of them, the worst one of all, asking if I was OK. 

I have failed with everyone. I tried telling my dad about the IB program, how hard it is, how I have my tests coming up. Suddenly and very quickly he said “I have to go, I am at the store. I’ll I’ll call you later.” Like he always says, but never means it. I know I can’t read minds, I know I could be missing pieces of the story, but why do I always annoy him?

Then my mom. She’s heard me, she’s said so. But she never changes. I ask her to be thoughtful. I ask her not to drink anymore. Oh, it’s a part of her personality, who she is. I guess it never happened. I am just living the in the past. Being hit in the face starts to hurt less after a while, right? 

Biggest of all, because I am leaving soon and I couldn’t care less anymore about the stubborn entity that is my parents. 

People.

People are selfish, envious, insatiable, hedonistic. 

There are a few who are not, but I would estimate that less than .00001% of the world population is. The number changes depending on society’s age, culture, deaths and births, but it doesn’t get any higher than that number. I’m not included in that number. 

Yesterday, on Facebook, I received a message. It was in a group chat with all of my friends (6 of us on there, 8 in real life). Dell had just been officially kicked out of her house by her mom. I know Dell and her step-dad didn’t get along very well. She’s never met her real dad, or if she has and I just forgot he never makes an effort for her. And by doesn’t get along I mean that he (according to Dell), breaks her stuff, screams at her, forces her to get a job and more. In my opinion, there’s absolutely more to the story. There’s no way she comes home, does as she is told, and still gets kicked out. Here’s how the conversation went, exactly: 

Dell: so guys i actually got kicked out of my house and now i guess im homeless or something? idk where to go or what to do but i have some of my stuff in my car. I stopped by my uncles house for the internet but i actually am so worried right now

Olivia: oh my god, do you need a place to stay?are you okay?WHAT HAPPENED?!

Dell: i dont know. my dad wasnt home when i was there but my mom told me that i better find a friend because i cant live there anymorei dont know! i dont know where to go or what to do honestly. oh and apparently last night when i was downstairs my dad threw my phone on the hardwood floor so it shattered so i dont have that anymore

Olivia: Thats ridiculous! you are free to come here if you need a place to stay or anything! Oh my god! that is SO unfair! wtf!?

Dell: i really appreciate that! im just scared right now about what to do.

Olivia: of course, im really sorry. Where are you right now?

Dell:  my aunt and uncles house just so i could find internet. idk if im allowed to stay here tonight though

Olivia: oh geeze, thats horrible! especially with all the already-existing stress right now

Dell: Right?! college, and ib tests and now this on top?! its too muchhh

Olivia: yeah, ugh idk how i'd deal with that. Again, you're free to stay here (my house is small and messy but theres always welcoming space) and Im sure anyone in our friend group will let you stay too!

Sarah: Dell You can come to my house too! There's plenty of room, seriously. My address is 3403 D RoadDo you have clothes and stuff? Do you need someone to take you by your house tomorrow and help you pack? My mum can escort you cause she's scary and she'll make your mum let you in

Zoe: RIP Dell

LATER:

Me: DELL WHATWHATWHAT????!!!!!??Okay I have an idea !!! Help Dell fund where we all get jobs and support Dek :,( :,( :,(Also yes I am willing to help with anything of course. I am just so shocked they actually did that to you

Tully: Me too. That’s so ridiculous I can hardly believe it. You poor thing, you don’t deserve that at all!

Olivia: know! It's so ridiculous! We're all here for you dell!I know and this is the WORST time to do it like you said! I hope she responds again soon I am worried

Tully: Seriously!! And me too. I’m sure she’s just at her aunt and uncles and hasn’t checked the computer or whatever she was using to text us. But yeah, I hope she responds so we can figure out where she can stay for the night and all that. God, I still can’t believe this is really happening! It’s insane!!

Me: I know how do parents actually kick their kids out, especially Dell!! Dang is she like a secret drug dealer or something that we don't know about? I'm happy she at least has her aunt and uncle too!

Tully: I know!! It makes no sense!! Yeah, I’m glad she has them, and she has us too! But still, that is going to be really hard ugh poor Dell

So, eventually in our phone group chat, separate from the Facebook one (the phone one includes all 8 friends), the topic comes up again. Is Dell okay? Where is she, what ended up happening?

I text Claudia, the closest friend to Dell and second closest to Zoe. Tully and Olivia are new to the 4 crowd (5 if you count Sarah, but many times she is excluded as she’s not as liked anymore), so they aren’t nearly as close, but they still care a whole lot. I ask Claudia if she has heard about the drama. Claudia says that all she knows is that Dell is at Zoe’s house. She also says how left out she feels from information. 

Here’s the first problem #1. Zoe told Claudia, but not me, and not anyone else. That means that Dell, Zoe and Claudia all knew where Dell was, but not me. Instantly, i feel wayy more left out than Claudia says she supposedly feels. But it gets worse. 

I ask Claudia after a bit of complaining about how left out we both feel, not realizing the above, if I should let Tully, Olivia, Sarah and Isabelle know that Dell is OK. Claudia says something along the lines of “uhh I don’t know you know maybe we should ask”. So I say, OK, I will ask Zoe. 

Here’s my second problem #2. Claudia lied to me about feeling left out. Officially lied. I could be paranoid, but I seriously believe it doesn’t add up. 

I ask Zoe if I can tell our friends where Dell is. Zoe says a relatable joke, then replies with “No, she wants to remain mysterious.” 

Problem #3. I genuinely cared about Dell. The reason I wasn’t going to find out if she is OK was because she wanted to be “mysterious”? I guess I shouldn’t have cared nearly as much as I did, because she was actually feeding on that attention. 

Problem #4. If that is true, then the above problem applies, and I can honestly say I’ve related and felt that way. It is a TERRIBLE, ATTENTION thing. If it isn’t true, then it sure does sound like something easy to make up when you don’t have a good reason to someone you DON’T TRUST. 

So I reply “I’m definitely going to need clarification on that mysterious part lol”

Zoe says “because RIP Dell, y’know?” jokingly. Then she says, lengthily, how “she just doesn’t want anyone knowing where she is right now, but I am telling you because you special.”

Problem #5. She wasn’t going to tell me whatsoever. I am not special. She is complimenting me to make up for her guilt so that I still like her. 

Problem #6. If this is a “special” case, it can be officially confirmed that none of them trusted me OR liked/cared about me enough to tell me. Remember, I cared about Dell and was worried. 

So today I left because of that. The entire day I had avoided starting conversation, and would only reply when they talked to me first. Then, driving with my mom on the way home and the music on, over the bridge, I saw him. The guy I had gotten up just to see that day. I’d saw him earlier for a whole hour (never happens, we don’t have any classes together anymore, but we’re both in the same program). It was awesome, definitely satisfying. 

He knows how I feel, which I should also add. I know he looked at me twice but I don’t know how much more. And sometimes you can tell when someone just doesn’t know what to do with their body because you are around. He either hates me or doesn’t know what to say to me about how he feels. Of course, I am living on the idea that he is at least attracted to me (based on many past experiences as well). 

I saw him on the bridge with his sunglasses on and someone in the passenger seat (in the moment I thought it was his brother, but I never actually looked at the passenger’s face). Of course, he is the hottest thing when he literally does anything, even covering his face from me in class. 

But I felt like I had failed everything. I didn’t have him. I am probably delusional. No one favorites me in the friend group. I know it is partially my fault. I don’t ask to hang out with any of them one on one. But do I really want to? People are so selfish. I don’t want them to know anymore about me than they already do. 

I did ask him to hang out one on one last year, Junior year. He said sure, but it never went through because when i asked him the next day what he wanted to do (in real life, both times), he couldn’t say anything. He was with his friends, but he was definitely uncomfortable. Even angry. So I said “okay, see you later.” We haven’t talked one on one since then. 

But I have texted him. I want to say 3 times I initiated conversation on Instagram, since i didn’t have his number. He followed me first near the end of Junior year, when his friends made one for him. First, I messaged him a picture of a turtle, because I knew he liked them. Then, I reassured him I didn’t like his friend. He asked me “Okay, so who do you like??” Then, i replied “You! But it’s okay if you don’t feel that way. I was paranoid Kailey said something.” I never got a reply from him after that. 

Then 5 months later, he unfollowed me on Instagram. Of course I noticed the hour of. So I texted him again and it was emotional. I asked him casually “why have I been defollowfied?” And said, “i really regret ever saying anything. I just want to go back to normal.” Again, never got a reply.

The next day at school, he sent me video of him in Spanish, covering his ears. I thought it was funny and I replied with “that reminded me of the Vietnam war.” 

He asked “who is this?” 

I said “I am me, who is this?”

And he flipped me off. This time, I didn’t reply. I sent things and then removed them (which I am happy you can do) before he saw them. That was November. Now it is near the end of February. February 23rd to be exact. 

I woke up just to try again. This Monday, I will try again. This time, by passing by him 3 times in the hallway in the morning.