#i know the fucker will just make another account but DON'T give money to this one

[murderless-crows]

Hello mate? Salaam! I am really sorry but would it be fine to talk to you in private or inbox? If you feel comfortable.. I am so sorry but I just badly need to do this. Sorry again and Assalaam 'alaikum 🤲🏼 please answer privately.

hey so normally I'd just block you and be done with it, but today you catch me in a really bad mood actually

Your account started posting on february 18, 2024 (4 months into the genocide) with memes about american highroads and aesthetic posts.

The pinned post you got asking for money for your family consists of 3 photos taken from Gaza Now. You are asking for help via PayPal, which has famously vetoed Palestinian accounts. There's no GoFundMe, no nothing in your site about your family's situation or your own identity. The only updates on that post have been on the following 3 days since the original post, back in mid April.

And now you send an ask to a nobody account which shitposts about TTRPGs and lesbian ships asking for a DM. I'll give anyone who reads this 3 tries to guess what the message would be about, if I answered

You are a fucking scammer using other's misery for your profit. You are disgusting. I really hope the 480€ listed in that stupid post is just another one of your sick lies. Die in a tar pit, fucker.

[kremlin]

"This event ends the moment you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker" -- Big Bill Hell

There was a time when you'd see little old ladies paying for the groceries with a hand-written personal check, holding up the line, causing an immediately-forgiven slight sense of annoyance with those behind her. Buddy. Those days are over. They've been over. What, did you think you were going to just pop a couple extra zeroes on the end of your paycheck there? Maybe scan your paycheck, open it in photoshop, make a template, print em out all nice? You think you're the first to think of that, dipshit?

It takes the law a long time to catch up with the state of the art. You're reading this on the internet, which means you never use checks. The law has caught up. Your ass will be going to prison immediately and you will see zero return.

You can't even kite checks anymore, and hell, nobody under 40 will even know what that means, due to the blazing fast, two day settlement on all ACH transactions. Let me paint you a picture.

You get paid on Friday, but it is Monday, and bills are due on Tuesday. And you're broke: $0 in the bank. Goose egg. Pop open your checkbook, go to a store, "buy" some things, write a check for the amount. The cashier takes it!

Now take those things you "bought", across town, to another store location, and return them for cold hard cash. Sweet. Bills paid. Friday rolls around, and you just make it to the bank to deposit your paycheck before it closes. After the weekend, the checks you wrote finally post, and they don't bounce! You've kited a check. You've surreptitiously taken a zero-interest loan. And we know your broke ass. The interest rate on that short-term payday loan should have been straight up usurious. We're talking 29%. That makes predatory fuckers like us horny for sex. We're so mad. Now you are going to Federal Prison. For a good minute. Fuckface.

COST: $0.10 (With banks offering free checking accounts + Bic pen)

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor sleet, if you fuck with the mail, we'll rip your nuts off" -- Ronald Mail (Inventor of Mail)

Many people have this misnomer that the most powerful people in politics are democratically elected. The president, of the United States, of America, is a stupid cartoon hotdog. All of them, I don't care. Way less clout than you'd think. Brilliantly, it is the people that the hotdog president appoints who are actually doing anything significant. The director of the CIA. The fucking chairman of the Federal Reserve. Probably the, like, most senior, uh, general of the military, and shit too. I don't know, we don't "do" army here at Bloomberg. You probably don't even know their names! I don't! These are the ones you should be seeing in your sleep.

There's another position like that. Appointed directly by the hotdog. The Postmaster General. That's a real title. He's the CEO of the mail, and buddy, what he may lack in political power relative to the director of the CEO, he makes up in raw sexual energy. Total Tom Selleck energy. Like an airline pilot. We're talking Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I'm tentpoling in my black business slacks just writing this, and all my Bloomberg newsroom bros are peering over my shoulder and also tent-poling. We're not gay though, and especially me, I'm probably the least gay, but sometimes I just lay awake for hours at night what that mustache would feel like pressed against my lips, the unbelievable and utter, total sense of security I'd feel burying my head into his hard chest.

You get it. He's your dad. And if you fuck with the mail, you've fucked with the tools in your dad's garage. And dad's been drinking. You're in for it, bucko, you are in trouble. Do you think the United States Postal Service actually makes any money? Hell no. It costs like five bucks to mail a box basically anywhere I can think of and they give you the boxes for free. You can just walk in the post office and take them. I do that, and then just throw them away, I don't know why, some kind of compulsion. Being able to move shit around like this, quickly, cheaply -- Jesus H, I've got a huge amount of money in my bank account, probably tens of trillions of dollars (due to financial knowledge gained from reading Bloomberg articles) and I could probably mail every single person ever something and still come out in the black.

No way pal. They've thought of that already. The Postmaster General is going to know every time, and he's going to grab you by the shirt collar, wearing his cool as fuck hat, and you're going to get your pants pulled down, and your bare ass spanke...I need to go use the restroom real quick.

We rely on the mail system to get important shit done. It's not something to be taken lightly, and it isn't. Trust me. This is why, like almost every other person who receives mail in this year 2023, I just fucking put a wastebasket under my mail slot. I don't even shred that shit anymore. I just burn it. Takes less time.

COST: $0.63 (Postal stamp)

"Can call all you want, but there's no one home // And you're not gonna reach my telephone // Out in the club, and I'm sipping that bubb // And you're not gonna reach my telephone" -- Lady Gaga

I read something wild that the children of today do not know what a dial tone is, because of how fucked up and stupid they are. Isn't that super fucked up?

While it's not really our style, allow me to fill you in on some ancient, arcane knowledge about the telephone. You can turn it on, and then you can punch in numbers. Any numbers. Random ones, or maybe not random ones. If the ten numbers you punch in are the same as the numbers in someone else's telephone number, their phone will ring, and then you are talking to them. This is called "Phreaking".

Here's the kicker: You can tell that jackass anything you want. "Oh, Hi, Yes, I am Reginald Sumpter calling from Avalon Consulting LLC, we are just following up on the invoice we sent you. Please remit to ###### routing ###### account."

BOOM! Your name isn't Reginald whatever and that company doesn't exist, but you just received a deposit. It's fucking beautiful. What have you done wrong? It isn't your responsibility to handle who your business' clients/etc are, it's their's. If they want to just pay you money for no real reason, well, that's kind of on them, isn't it? I haven't stuck a pistol in your face and demanded everything in the register.

Well, it's too clever. It's too slick. This is the United States of America. It's one thing to commit a felony like armed robbery, it's another thing to piss off someone in charge of the accounting division who uses a special bathroom you need a key to get into.

You can do it on the computer too, I use a PC Computer at work and send email, so you can see how it'd work there. You can make a document that is indifferentiable from a real invoice and, straight up, 1/3 of the time they will pay that shit. Lmfao.

It's called wire fraud because, uhh, duhhhh, there's wires. What do you think that thing is strung between the telephone receiver and the dialer? And computers? Give me a break. There's so many wires with those.

COST: $0.25 (Coin for payphone)

"People calculate too much and think too little." -- Charlie Munger

It is insane how dumb the common man can be when it comes to our world of expertise. I hear this same sentiment, like, ALL THE TIME:

"Durr hurr I will buy an insurance policy for my car or house or whatever so that in case something happens to it I will get money". And then that same person proceeds to drive safely or not burn their house down. Dumbest crap imaginable.

Let me break it down for you. Insurance is a two player competitive game. There is a winner and there is a loser. Go take out an expensive insurance policy on your American sports car. Buy a neck brace, a football helmet, and pack that bitch with throw pillows. Then get in the left lane of a major highway at like noonish, let it rip and then SLAM on your brakes. Hit from behind! Your fault! Congratulations. You have won insurance. How this gets past people is beyond me.

You can only do this once or twice before the insurance companies catch on. Then they don't want to fuck with you. It is also..I don't know man...something feels off about taking a car or a house, which like, some guy had to build and just destroying it, but that is only a weird emotional thing, since you're making money, more than whatever the destroyed thing is worth, so in reality you've built that house plus some extra. You've contributed.

COST: $106.00 (Average monthly car insurance payment)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SUBSCRIBE TO MY WHATEVER FOR PART TWO, COMING SOON. i'll post it later today probably. whatever time frame will juice the numbers. have a sneaky peaky

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[dreadsuitsamus]

Rich & Sad | Jiraiya x Reader |

author's note: this was in the wip graveyard for like a year plus, ngl, though @yeowangies admitting to being an old man fucker helped revive it. this is based on a song of the same name by post malone (i know, big surprise coming from me)

pairing: jiraiya x fem!reader

warnings: angst, mentions of alcohol, typically all the sadness you would think of in a jiraiya work tbh

I just keep on wishing that the money made you stay.

Jiraiya's pen flicks easily along the notepad; most authors opt for computers these days, and he supposes he should get with the times. But his old method of writing by hand on whatever scrap of paper he could find got him this far: sitting in a mansion with no spared expense and every amenity a man could dream of. Hell, it all started in a bar with an idea written on a cocktail napkin as he watched the bartender serve her regulars and newcomers through a peaceful reverie. It was the look in her eyes, so clearly not present unlike the rest of her working body, that flooded through the dam of his writer's block that sent him through a flurry of those little square napkins.

It's cold, though. Even with all the money his bank account could ask for, he finds turning the furnace on pointless; there's nobody to keep warm, and he's been numb to it for quite some time now. Perhaps he should relocate to the mansion down in Mexico soon— tis the season.

You always hated that mansion.

"Don't you love the view, babe?"

"Yeah…" Your eyes shifted from his as you lied.

He should burn it to ash.

Jiraiya's latest novel is for a new series, and while he initially only intended a one-off, he's quickly coming up with idea after idea to turn it into the most dramatic story he's ever thought of. It may just rival any soap opera by the time he's done— and wouldn't that be something, if he could have a book turned into a show or a movie? He's already got more money than he knows what to do with; it'd just be wasteful at this point.

But maybe a few more zeros on his bank balance can convince you he's worth it?

Jiraiya sets aside the pen and makes a call whilst surveying the empty room, reserving his usual VIP room at a club downtown, preemptively adding a few extra bottle girls to his tab before the line clicks and he's off to dress himself. His closet is massive, the size of the three bedrooms he had the walls of removed just to accommodate this collection of suits, accessories and the like, most of which he's never worn.

“Jiraiya, those rooms were supposed to be for our kids, not some ridiculous closet!”

“Relax! I can buy another house, baby, don't worry.”

Even in his own home, he's got appearances to upkeep.

Though he has worn every single tacky Hawaiian shirt he owns, of which he has an entire corridor of this closet dedicated to. The club he's booked tonight has a dress code specifically against those, however (and specifically put in place because of Jiraiya) so tonight he's opting for a black suit with gold accents and leaves the shirt behind as he buttons the jacket about halfway. He's not sure who started this movement of showing up half dressed, but he'd love to get on his hands and knees and give them all of his gratitude.

Jiraiya walks by the empty, unlit portion of the closet, refusing to think about the day he’d finally unscrewed and tossed out the lightbulbs shining light on his darkest days.

The club is loud, packed and boozy when Jiraiya arrives. He's enough of a regular to be vaguely anticipated even without his reservation, and as such there's more than a conga line’s worth of women waiting for him. The symphony of “Hiiii Jiraiya~!” is intoxicating, along with the cheers when he announces the drinks are on him tonight. He's got a card on tab at all times here; he doesn't even remember what it looks like, but it's probably a black card.

“Babe, you gotta start spending more on your card. The penalties are kicking my ass!”

“Then cancel the card.” Your voice is dead, along with your feelings for this relationship. You can't remember the last time you spent time with Jiraiya rather than a product of his wealth.

Jiraiya goes through the throngs of pretty ladies itching to be his sole beneficiary, kissing them all with an obscene amount of tongue before he's even gotten to his private party room. The bottle girls are ready, serving what he's buying to every patron in the club. The atmosphere is rowdy and everyone's having fun, swapping drinks, pills and saliva. What else are Saturday nights good for?

“Can't we stay in for once? I'm not up for partying.”

“Well, what the hell else are we gonna do?”

In the center of the room, Jiraiya sits alone in the plush armchair, staring through the sexy bodies before him and rather at the wall. When you've done this once, you've done it a thousand times. He hasn't found joy in any of this in many years now.

He hasn't felt anything.

All this stunting couldn't satisfy my soul.

Jiraiya’s back in the mask the moment gentle fingertips touch his jaw, and when he looks up he could swear he's seeing you. But then one blink and the truth is before him: you're not here, and never will be. As the image of the stripper before him settles, he plasters on a smile and allows her to pour the liquor right into his mouth.

By closing time, he's got thousands on his tab and can hardly stand on his own. He's more than capable of holding his liquor, but frankly he's had much more than he should've. Truthfully, he's surprised he's got a liver at all anymore. Jiraiya stumbles out of the club, that big body crashing into a light pole as he fumbles for his cell phone, the device being the latest edition Apple has to offer, though the old man can hardly figure any of it out. It crashes to the concrete, shattering the screen that brightly displays a picture of you looking so bright and smiley and happy.

He stole the photo from your Instagram page when you posted it on a day many moons after you left him. And he made sure to crop out the man beside you that's wearing your wedding ring on his finger.

Jiraiya hits the ground hard when he bends over to pick up the phone, and with the cold air chilling the sidewalk he finds himself more willing to stay there than try to find a way back home in his inebriated state.

Got a hundred big places but I'm still alone.

The bright light of the broken screen blinds him, but he still manages to dial your number through nearly-closed eyes. The ringer drones on and on, and just when he thinks he's going to voicemail, the line picks up.

“Jiraiya.” It's said with a sigh, softly. There's no irritation this time, and instead he's met with nothing but pure sadness. “You can't keep calling me.”

“What if I penned a new medical drama, hm? Those’re popular…”

“Why don't you do what fulfills you, like your first novel?” Before he'd waded into the world of smut and taken on those rabid readers, he'd written a thrilling book that sold poorly, but has a rather dedicated cult following after all these years. It was a truly brilliant read, and even now serves as a reminder of the man you originally fell in love with.

“Those books don't sell. The money didn't make you stay… So it's gotta be worth the trade, no?” He's far too late in the game to make it right; after your ex-fiancée has her fifth wedding anniversary, there usually isn't any salvation in pulling your head out of your ass.

I would throw it all away.

[feralmoonlight]

Doordash AU Lore

Condensed Soup Version for your reading pleasure~ This was flailed over discord last night in a stream of consciousness into the delirium of sleep and goes from legible and readable to 'what are you typing??' levels of writing. Spellcheck was... not used a lot. Enjoy!

Sun survived the Fazbear Fire ending but was junked and picked up by random dude that tinkered enough to get him fixed to the point he could finish fixing himself. Sun and a very feral moon were... 'grateful' for being saved, but dude just wanted to use them as a side hustle for income basically and guilt trips them into working to 'pay him back for saving them and the electricity it takes to keep them charged'

Hence, doordash. Getting sun to be able to drive was easy enough, and dude just linked his own bank with the account so any pay out goes straight to him. The boys basically get pennies for their work because they don't really have a full sense of money or the outside world, but Sun 'likes' getting to explore while delivering and while they'd love to work with kids, well... Dude won't let them go until they pay him back. So they technically are under the assumption he owns them like fazbear did. A little pushback but 'if it weren't for him, they'd still be in the scrap yard'. And it's way better than being locked away in solitude again.

SO, one day they do a deliver for Reader, quiet anxious shut-in artist hermit type that thrives online but is basically terrified of the world beyond their home. Very relatable cough

BUT YN is like. Holy fuck that's a robot???

And Sun is like HELLO! Here's your food! Wanna chat? What do you do? How was your day?

To which anxiety YN blurts out they're an artist and Arts and Crafts King SUN is like YOU LIKE ART? I LIKE ART? and corners them for about 15-20 minutes talking their ear off while they're basically frozen because too awkward to tell him to leave, and he's not being WEIRD just REALLY TALKATIvE but it seems to be making him happy??

And then he gets another delivery and has to go anyway.

WhICH... OK cool that was weird but something to remember and forget about later.

Until a few weeks later when they order from a similar area restaurant and get Sunny as their delivery dude again, recognizing it immediately as him and actually having a more 2 way convo this time?

And it starts off slow, little short convos between drop offs and Sun wants to stay and talk more but it gets waved off at first. BUT YN keeps trying to work the system and get him back as a delivery dude for short chats.

Friendship builds and they start working out how to get the delivery as the last of his shift time so he can talk longer and longer, but he always leaves before the sun goes down too far, because Moon worries

Which eventually something happens and Sun knows he's not gonna be able to make it back home before dark, so he VERY anxiously asks if he can stay the night and makes up a thing about not functioning well in the dark. Sunshine and all that. 

SO he gets to stay and they have a longer chill evening and he watches YN work on some commissions, and then they watch a non-fazbear movie and just chill. Which he's ABSOLUTELY BLOW AWAY by a non-fazbear movie

and YN wants to introduce him to different shows and stuff, so these little sleepovers (lights on) turn into a more regular almost weekly thing.

But eventually the fun time gets caught and Dude gives Sun a call about where the fuck is he with the car? Where has he been? And sun apologizes and has to leave, but it raises questions about who that was.

WHich takes us to catalyst point 1, of 'man, that guys a dick. you don't take that much energy to charge -motions to electric bill that only budged a couple dozen dollars' and learning he takes all sun's earnings.

Now, you might be wondering... WHere's MOON in all this? How does MOON feel?

Well, Moon doesn't trust anyone at this point. Between fazbear, the vanny incidents, and this fucker, he is VERY skeptical there's not some ulterior motive, and he wants to test it. But Sun is getting very attached to YN

And he's already made moon lowkey promise to behave in case the lights go out from the first night, cause they haven't done anything bad yet. But he's still IFFY.

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD, the fabled power outage arrives, and YN doesn't know MOON is a thing.

It's a short one, and Moon POORLY tries to pretend to be Sun in the dark, but he's very... itching to fuck with YN. WANTS to harass them so bad, but... he said he'd behave.

But the lights come on, and Sun is a little panicked, but YN brushes it off like he was scared of the dark? Though he didn't sound scared a moment ago? Maybe it was something else that spooked him?

BUT things continue and the more YN hears about dude, the more they want to beat his ass(they wont, they're not bold like that) and get Sun away from him... which... he might have a gps on the phone and car that they use, but not on Sun. All he'd have to do is like... not go back? and he'd be free

which alarm bells MOON with the though YN just wants to use them the same way dude did to get more money cause at this point it's obvious to them both that the only things YN really spends their extra money on is food delivery and thats about it. they don't buy 'stuff' but they enjoy eating good food from different places, and they've been ordering a lot more lately as an excuse to see Sun.

SO moon convinces Sun to let him 'test them' and their resolve

Let him out, let him have some fun. And hoo boy. He definitely makes himself a threat, but he did still promise not to HURT hurt them.

BUT he has to test limits. Push buttons. He doesn’t really want to hurt YN cause they have genuinely been nice and he wants to think they’re being sincere in their attempt to help them, but there’s always that grain of salt. They thought the other human was trying to help them but they were just getting used for free income. What’s to say this 'starving artist’ won’t do the same? So he does the chase song and dance, the threats, minor injuries to see if it’d be enough to scare YN into showing true colors…  And they ARE scared, but they also know Sun at this point. Even if Moon is gonna be shitty, and they say as much, Sun is their friend, and they aren’t gonna let him go back. Even if it means putting up with Moon.

WHICH HURTS, but in a way that warms his heart sorta. Like.. OK OW? But also deserved. He’s not done poking the bear, though, but again, bit by bit he goes from full gremlin mode to spikey roommate to soft nap lord. With gremlin habits still. He wouldn’t be moon if he wasn’t a pest sometimes.

BUT like, OK. SO MOON DOES HIS MOON THING

and he's surprised YN has so much... pushback to not let him get to them, but also seems to have this genuine urge to help Sun just to help him?

Which means now Moon has to repair the relationship, but Sun is also excited that Moon is going to TRY to be nice now, not just because he asked him to, but because... If they ARE gonna be trying to live with them, as friends, that first impression needs to get undone

Which he points out also it's NOT their first meeting, but... YN doesn't pick that up at first

SO we have the 'become friends with Moon' arc starting as well as the actually stealing Sun... which is easy enough. They drive back to dudes house with YN and just... leave the phone in the car, and take the bus back home.

which leaves YN in a lowkey panic because agoraphobia

BUT they'd do it for their friend. The injustice of what happened is stronger than their own fears, and getting back home results in a nice little cuddle session because yes. Which also would end up in them falling asleep and sun shifting over to Moon and moon basically having a 'I WILL NOT ADORE THEM oh fuck' moment too

WHICH brings us to the midway point... Sort of.

Because now YN is taking care of them, or rather, giving them somewhere to live, rent free, and eating the cost of their electricity upkeep which is... not horrible but more than expected... so they're now having to go grocery shopping regularly (ew) and essentially cutting their food budget in more than half to make that difference, cause taking on new commissions is already stretching their work load.

There's a small talk of why YN doesn't have a different job, and there's some talk of... not trauma, but just... really bad experiences? They wouldn't call it trauma, but they DO NOT want to have to get a 'normal job' again. Which is hard for them to understand from an AI perspective, having job stuff programmed into them with the daycare and security things

BUT then YN talks about how if doordash felt 'right'... and it did not. it was 'ok' but it wasn't what they were made for

But they're also realizing that they ARE sort of... taking up a decent amount of what was YN's 'spare money'. which was NOT safety net worthy but it was enough for them to be comfy

SO they start feeling guilty. Doing little tasks around the house, but it's not enough, TO THEM, to make up for the new burden they're putting on this FRIEND that CARES about them.

SO... They want to get a job.

But how

Their options are VERY limited, and probably gonna have to be under the table

They don't need to make a LOT, but YN basically tells them they will NOT do doordash shit again.

There's the possibility of doing private babysitting? But getting parents to agree is... weird...

They do the random attempt of going to a few parks and letting sun do his thing with the kids, but there's a mixed response of 'what the fuck, a robot?' and 'ok who's the freak that brought a bot to a playground? is this some kind of sick joke?'

But there are a few parents that don't immediately freak out.

YN talks to some of them and explains that he used to work with kids until their daycare burned down and he was thrown out, a bit of a twist on the official happenings but believable enough.

And one parent takes the bait,  agreeing it'd be nice to have someone watch the kids after school for a bit before they got off work some days, so they'd try it out. For a very cheap fee, but still.

It's a step in the right direction, and their kids area already on board with having Sun as a temporary caretaker. YN is gonna be with them, but they can take their art shit wherever so Sun handles this kids and YN just babysits the babysitter XD

They let sun and moon keep all the money they make and only take what's offered from them, and insist they should hold on to some of it for anything they  might need for future repairs. There's a lowkey friend argument but agreements are made

They gather a few families that are on board with their services, and eventually things even out. But one parent mentions the daycare their tiny child goes to is actually pretty short staffed. They can't afford to hire on anyone else at a normal pay rate, but if they treat it like 'renting a piece of machinery' a phrase YN is pissy about, then they could probably pay a similar rate to the babysitting gigs but as a 5 days a week guaranteed time thing?

Which there's a back and forth on how that might be risky, but the fucking starry eyed glee from Sun, and moon actually, about getting to work with a daycare again is something they can't fight against. And so the approach is made.

And accepted

As a trial run, at first, but things go well and they become a welcome part of this little daycare, and can handle the tasks of two or three employees easily. It's far less chaotic that the sugarhigh crazed children of Fazbears, and it's the happiest they've been in a long time

wait.

what's that?

everyone is

happy?

>w>

Heheh

GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS

fazbear still owns them

Well

Sort of

Fazbear still owns 'Sun and Moon' as trademarked entities.

Dude still owns them legally as salvaged scrap.

And Moms just LOVE posting weird shit on facebook.

Knock KNock we're here for your robot

Time to RUN from THE MANZ

Thankfully still no tracker, and THANKFULLY Fazbear isn't actually as invested as the news would lead people to believe? But that dude? oh that dude is PISSED as FUCK

He ends up being the more unhinged danger time for YN, because it was DEFINITELY YNs FAULT 'their robot went rogue'

Fazbear's is lowkey keeping tabs, but after that plex burned down they'd already gotten the insurance from the BS that happened, and technically getting such a... mmm 'tampered with' AI would be a pain in the ass to recode

They're lowkey interested in him as spare parts, but the news media covering this from the dudes side, and then eventually uncovering the harrowing rescue and plight of the 'mistreated robot that just wants to take care of kids' has the story quickly turning on it's head.

Fazbear's watching all this too, and they're... intrigued that Sun and Moon still have such a strong drive to care after the incident... they're swapping to wanting to study this...

They weren't the only bot that 'survived', but they're the only one that made it to the 'outside'

BUT BUT BUT

they study

they watch this drama unfolding with the curiosity of a cat watching a mouse in a maze

they COULD pounce, but... they could also learn from this. they see money in them hills

ANd the media is EATING this shit up

but it does come down to it that Dude finds YN and Sun/Moon (time undetermined at the moment) and they're... separated enough that he CAN rough up YN a bit. Not enough, but enough that it sends YN off running and Dude books it cause he doesn't want the police involved after making a BIG no no of assault

he knows he fucked up, but YN is now hella shaken and Sun/Moon shows up shortly after. MOON is very livid and wants to go hunt this dude down like a dog. Sun ALSO is on board but... that would not do any of them any good, so it's comfort the reader time.

Little bit of wound tending, mostly bruises and a fucked up wrist.

yep.

That one. They aren't drawing for a while because fuck you thats why

But again, the place YN went to for safety is on the phone with police and the media hears about this dude attacking them, and HOO BOY... BUT yn doesn't press charges because...

MOSTLY they dont wanna deal with court shit?

BUT his own actions are enough to kind of scare him off from intervening again

he knows he fucked up, and the info is ON the NEWS now, and he's waiting for the arrest warrant to get served but it never does.

This is now a bigger issue and not worth the hassle

he's got a nice fucking chunk of change though from them doing door dash for like 10 hours a day for.... months?

just sitting in his bank

which mF is gonna have to pay taxes on lmao

bitch doesn't know it yet cause he didn't think that far ahead. he's an asshole. a clever one, but not a smart one.

SO it's into the wind down of wondering when Fazbear is gonna try to come swoop in and steal Sun/Moon back from YN. or rather, back from their freedom. And it's NOT long after that they do get a knock on the door from a fazbear rep...

This is about where the end gets hazy though. Cause I don't wanna do the whole convo, but it boils down to, they're very intrigued that 'the ai,  Sun, and Moon, have adjusted so well to life outside of the plex.'  And they want to use that. The knowledge that they can expand outside of just 'entertainment'.

This isn't the 'birth of the ai revolution' of sorts where robots are everywhere... they already are somewhat, but very... simple versions. More advanced things like the animatronics are few and far between, and highly monitored in their selected environments (the pizzaplex). But letting the more sentient ones adapt to working at things like stand alone daycares, theme parks, maybe as traveling shows that go on tour, or other possible branch locations with different uses is very interesting to the higher ups

They want to monitor Sun and Moon, how they conduct themselves, and how people respond to them 'out in the wild', so to speak.

"This new idea is... groundbreaking. And we just want to observe... For now."

The long side eye is LONG, but... LEGALLY they could snatch the boys up without a second thought.

So they take the offer.

Fazbear is gonna offer no help, aside from possibly medical costs because they want to build a 'friendly face for the enterprize' as well as feel slightly responsible for YN getting hurt by not stepping in sooner and making their presence known to The Dude TM that he was out of his realm from the start.

There's some wariness from all parties, but...

It seems things will work out

uwu

The end.... ?

Possibly the end

it has room for expanding into the actual watching portion but that's what I have so far and is a POSSIBLE stopping point

[thattimdrakeguy]

anything i see anything new on dc's bat-family it makes me wanna scream "WHAT THE FUCK'S THE MATTER WITH YA" and go after them yelling "FUCK OFF"

(not that bad actually. i'm pretty chill inside most of the time. i'm not what i used to be. a lot of it is performative, but a luke warm attitude towards something you have to say doesn't invoke passion, or anythign exciting that'd make anyone want to read it. not that many do anyways)

so many years of this and none of them get better. it's like it's trying to be pathetic

all those years of things you can research to be sure you get it right, and you fuckers couldn't be arsed to get your ass in gear and make sure all these fans that left have something to go back to?

now this dc server discord. my gosh, i don't think we're seeing the blue skies again. they're catering to a small pond of people, a wee group consisting of those that read panels, and pal around with fan fics and mash-ups that they created and pondered

not the stuff that had plenty of real people going out to the shops and ordering comics, that made them have a love and respect for the medium to the point they were fine calling themselves a fan back when it wasn't right in a cool kind of way in the eyes of many

now they're comics, it's not that serious. whoc ares that much in the end

and i guess i'll never seem like i'm not overreacting a touch

but comics used to tell stories that attached themselves to people's hearts and made them be seen and held, like finally i got something that i respond to

now it's who can rip off the fandom the best, and it's so easy to get content of the same marginal quality on AO3, and fan comics that don't need to blessing of bastard DC Comics

it's sensational the passion people can have despite that, whether or not it's for me. but all those hundreds of thousands of people missing a piece of their prior enjoyment because the 5 stan opinions repeated at nauseum is all anyone important at the writers station (not a real thing, i just mean writers) at the company is making them thing "ah yes, we're doing all right by them"

no you didn't, fucker, you scared the rest away with all the nonsense

now if you want more money you gotta try to earn them back

they think it's hopeless and practically pointless because comics are a dying medium, but they don't have to be. i'm sure it'll never to go back to what it once was, but you can still at least try to have a legacy as a writer that means something to people

when we used to have guys back in the day that could go and fuck around writing stories about peter parker's love life that didn't have much action that you would think the typical reader would desire, that could still effect someone in a way that had them stop and think about themselves, because a fraction of wisdom was hidden in it

now you get characters botched, bastardized, and secretly killed and replaced by those with the same names, and they can't even muster the sense to care. because someone laughed at a character being drawn at the wrong height, or another had a good reaction from people that didn't know the character as they thought they were writing their big magnum opus blockbuster for them

and i don't expect perfection, or the good old days to be possible to back to because they're the old days for a reason

but theirs's still the possibility and ability to go back and figure out the lost art of product control, and ravenous quality that can seep into people's spirits and give them a passion to constantly go back to issue after issue, giving your damn funky company a proper profit that means anything

no there they go ripping off little jimmy on twitter, stan account number 55, who's repeating what their pal jessica said on tumblr about bat-family member that got designated trope number 782 on the list, and that got the writer believing they did a job well done

you can do more

they're all just people, and i admire the fact they got to where they are. bless them for all the accomplishments they have. i can't take that way from them. but i'm also just a person who has what he has to say, and i think there's more to these writers then even they give themselves credit for

whining when people rightfully criticize your poor characterization and (even that's rare given the standards of today's comic fandom population) because it's your interpretation, when that's not how interpretation works

my man the money, and legacy you could create for yourself by doing the job, and research, and making something that actually comes across as a product worth buying could make you name live on for years after your death

comics aren't a large, marginally important industry, that all writers strive to join, but they're a passionate bunch that can make your legacy last for years to come

instead you'd rather sit on the bottom of a barrel being like everyone else typing out the same crap in 5 minutes a junior high student could in 2

batman has made billions of dollars from the excellence of others

and they'd rather sit down and take, what's not even a lot of money given that it's comics, and accept it, then make somethings of themselves, and perhaps with enough lucky make the company and business worth something again

there's no point in not trying

all they'd do is get more out of it with a bit of trying and effort, and passion and metaphorical sweat put into it

why should i read Tim Drake: Robin that can't even remember how Tim would talk about Damian right, and can't be fucked to not make his boyfriend look like a generic twink instead of himself, when i could go back and read something from about a decade before my own birth when it was good (if written by a massive fucker)

i've spent nearly a decade on and off criticizing comics, mainly dc and the bat-family, look at my blog name, it's 'ThatTimDrakeGuy' (yes that's how i personally spell it, with the capitalization), and all i've found are holes and tears in it since i've began back in 2015 when Rebirth was only news and headlines

and i've yet to see things get better when i read some classics and became aware at what was, and what could be

nonsense that people with enough passion to get their asses in gear to get the job and the assignments, with plenty of talents, especially the artists, my goodness regardless if they can remember what characters like tim or damian, and sometimes even easy to remember ass jason todd look like, they still have impressive skill, ability, and talent, that far surpases what the majority of the population on the whole planet can do

so it's not that they can't do it

it's that they don't try

often they try the opposite for quick cheap rewards, in the form of twitter stan brownie points "LOOK THEY HUGGED" "LOOK THEY'RE CRYING" "LOOK HE'S SO SHORT" regardless if that's thhe character, it makes sense, the story needs it, or it'll be remembered in years to come

give me and others a reason to come back

otherwise dc might as well die, which i hate to say, and don't mean all the way because of the jobs that would lose

but how else can i verbalize the general feeling and sensation it gives me, when all of that effort goes to waste with medicore at best products that won't be recalled months from now by any amount of peopel that's substantial?

you could go and be a legend in the field, or another turd in the bucket that's about to fly away in the wind to never be seen 'til their next splatty mess

quite sad and i hate it

and shit, with so many people acceptint it, and talking it up, the idea i can't even see a character i used to enjoy look like themselves at times is a wee miserable

how stupid is that when you think on it

how do you get to that point?

comics aren't serious

but the passion a lot have is

(never hurt anyone over it tho. those people are just wild, and not in a cool way)

[the-light-finds-its-way]

Mom got out of ICU today, and put into a normal hospital room. My family went to go see her, and as for myself and my siblings, it was basically the first time in 3 weeks that we'd seen her.

She was covered in giant tender bruises from head to toe. Thankfully, only 2 IVs were in versus the original 7, and she was down to one pole that held the bags, while the rest were hooked to the bed. The blood clot in her leg has grown, and is breaking up at last, or so we assume. But mom can't walk because it hurts so bad. She has mesh in her lungs now to prevent the clots from reaching them again, which will kill her if they do. Additionally, she's on oxygen for the time being. And, there's a chance when she comes home, that she'll have to remain on oxygen tanks, and if that's the case then nobody is sure how long. But I've got this awful gut feeling telling me mom will be on the tanks for the rest of her life... I don't know, and have no way of knowing, but that's just what my stupid gut is saying to me. It'll be minimally 3-5 more days before she's released to go home. It could be more, and something inside also tells me it's going to be longer. But mom says she's doing the best she has been since the first surgery 3 weeks ago. Her nurses are really nice, super sweet, and they playfully poked (hehe) at my needle weenie self who had to turn away when they drew blood from her.

My anxiety didn't help when a $86 bill went through on my bank account that's already overdrawn by Gods only know how much... I'll be damned lucky if I make $150 for this paycheck. And an artist I commissioned back in March last year for a November finishing time on a piece, was late and is now almost finished in January. I'll have to pay him the other $175 soon, and I don't know when, and if I'll even have a single dollar to spare by then... There's another draft I have coming, on the 16th, for the retirement fund my father forces me to pay into unless I want to give him $100 for literally no reason, minimally once a month but possibly more, instead of the $75 for the fund once a month. So I go for the fund. And then, I have to somehow pay for my therapy appointment in another 10 days as well. I'm really not sure if I can do all this. I ditched college to work more, and as soon as I did, they cut me down to one day a week for the next 4 weeks, and there are no people I can cover because everyone is scrambling with trying to get more than 25 hours per week. Fuckers. Try living off 8 a week, when you just told the boss you're free all day every day at any time, and they won't even schedule you for 1/3 of what everyone else is working part time, let alone full time.

I'm so scared, so lost... I was hoping to get a ticket to go see Blind Guardian in May, but they're selling fast and I'm not sure when I'll ever have the money, if I will have the money, to get one in time... Not like I've waited 9 years to go see them live for the first time ever... I somehow have to save $32 for a train ticket as well by mid February, to go to the city for something I'd planned 7 months ago. And then, I planned a trip with friends which I may not be able to do if this keeps going downhill with my money... I already have to pay for a con we are going to as well in September. And I'm just... Fucking distraught. I planned my entire year around the fact that I'd be working full time and get more money. And work kicked my ass with a giant fuck you immediately upon me making those plans.

Fuck my life. Give me my healthy mom back, and $1000. Please... I'm fucking desperate and broken...

[silvernyxchariot]

Part I

More Genshin x La Squadra headcanons. It was only supposed to be about which weapon I'd give members of La Squadra, but then some little ideas started sprouting out.

*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *. • ･ ✧.｡. *. • ･ ✧.｡. *. • ･ ✧.｡. *. • ･ ✧.｡. *

🌈DNI: TERFs, Harassers, RadFems, racists, bigots, anti-LGBT+'s, trolls, haters, MAPs, anti self & OC shippers. If you don't like Genshin Impact, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, or both and have the intention of commenting some complaints or about either "being cringe," block me, keep scrolling, or I will block you.🌈

¹ Sorbet & Gelato

Vision: Cryo & Pyro

Weapon: Catalyst

Role: Buffers

Origin: Liyue

They have unnamed Stands and gathered information on Diavolo without their teammates knowing, most likely making them the intel members of their team, before Illuso stepped in, and a duo who works best from a distance. The Cryo-Pyro elements came up with Sorbet's love of "cold hard cash" and the duo being called the "more psychopathic" members of the team. That is all. Since not much else is known about either of them, I have them as catalyst users just because.

I also put both of them in Liyue for Sorbet's love of money. They would most likely be a criminal couple that run scams together. Their victims usually being tourists and treasure hoarders alike.

² Risotto Nero

Vision: Cryo

Weapon: Claymore

Role: DPS

Origin: Inazuma

Don't get your hopes up. Despite being a stealthy and seasoned hitman, Risotto would be a Cryo CLAYMORE character rather than a sword user. Since he works best on his own, Risotto would essentially be a hyper-carry who needs a team that buffs and heals him. His stoic and no-nonsense attitude is more suited to the blunt, devastating damage of a claymore. Also, big, beefy, goth man. He don't need a tooth pick. Whether you'd build him as a Phy DMG or Cryo DMG unit would be up to you.

Regular swords also work in his favor if you keep the assassin theme with him. I considered a catalyst for him due to Metallica as a mid range Stand, but it seemed too "romantic" for someone like Risotto. He's the type of person to just punch you to get what he wants. Please refer to this scene from the anime. ⚠️TW for blood spatter.

As a Player: Became an Eula main by ✨️accident.✨️ He didn’t know what was going on because everyone was shouting at him to start playing. Wished on her first running banner. Got her 3x in one pull and C4 on a single. Got her signature weapon up to R3 without trying. All of his teammates who genuinely play Genshin are jealous. He wanted Diluc at first.

Has Ghiaccio and Pesci help him with his account.

³ Illuso

Vision: Electro

Weapon: Claymore

Role: sub-DPS

Origin: Fontaine

He's the kind of guy to panicccc and swing the nearest object to him at whatever was attacking. If you've seen this guy fight in the "Purple Haze vs Man in the Mirror" fight, he's Such A Babi. 🤧 You could consider catalyst or bow, something that keeps him out of immediate danger, but Illuso wouldn't have the patience for spellcraft or discipline for a bow. Although catalysts and bows give him the distance to attack and look down on others, they don't give Illuso the instant gratification of subduing his enemies.

I say he comes from Fontaine because he is a dramatic snob. 😤

As a Player: Yae Miko stan. No arguments against that. He's a sassy fucker, who would main another sass master. He also simps for her.

⁴ Prosciutto

Vision: Geo

Weapon: Bow

Role: sub-DPS

Origin: Snezhnaya

Also a character with a no-nonsense attitude, but instead of the blunt force of a claymore, Prosciutto would favor a bow because of its reliance on precision and speed. He's the type of person to get to the point and defeat his enemies with cold accuracy. It's all business afterall.

As a Player: 10/10 the type of guy to say "skill issue" if you cry to him about hating bow characters, especially because of the aiming feature. Subsequently, would main a mono Geo team with Zhongli, Gorou, or Albedo as the main piece. The last one or two slots are random... Prosciutto doesn't care about anyone else. He only cares about his mains. He regrets not starting Genshin when the Dragonspine/Albedo event happened because he can't get Albedo's signature weapon or learn more about Albedo, but he would never admit it.

⁵ Melone

Vision: Electro

Weapon: Polearm

Role: Buffer

Origin: Sumeru

This man looks flexible and agile. He's shown not to be afraid of physical damage or confronting the "mothers" of his Juniors, so I thought polearm would suit him best. A polearm also matches his flexibility and creativity because it's a weapon that can easily be used for stabbing and slashing at one point, but also blunt force trauma on the opposite. It gives him the distance he would need to observe his enemies or parry attacks.

Melone is from Sumeru for his curiosity and whimsical ideals. Although he graduated from Sumeru Akademiya, he was always on the verge of getting expelled because his peers thought he was "too outlandish and ambitious." Unlike a certain mad scientist though, Melone knew how to keep his real personality under wraps, lest he lose funding for his research projects. Unfortunately, his closest friend was not as disciplined as he was.

As a Player: Also a Yae Miko stan, but has the best Raiden out of everyone as f2p, C4R1, multiple weapons and artifact sets prepared for different occasions. Has also made a team of all short characters and called them the "Chibi Squad."

⁶ Ghiaccio

Vision: Pyro

Weapon: Catalyst

Role: DPS

Origin: Sumeru

He likes explosions. . ./hj It matches his overall personality, his analytical nature, and explosive temper. Unlike Risotto or Illuso, who don't have the patience for a catalyst or spellcraft, Ghiaccio is constantly learning and improving his battle capabilities even in the middle of combat.

He is also from Sumeru and is the friend that didn't graduate from the Akademiya because he could never cooperate with other students or pitch his research proposals. He never got anyone to understand the purpose of his research projects. Any form of criticism he got for his proposals, he would get into fights with the professor. And teacher's assistants. And his classmates. Melone could not salvage his reputation, so when Ghiaccio left Sumeru, Melone left too.

As a Player: He started as an Albedo main; slammed face first and head over heels for Ayaka, and now stans Wriothesley. He has spent money on this game, much to his friends' chagrin.

⁷ Pesci

Vision: Hydro

Weapon: Bow

Role: Buffer

Origin: Mondstadt

He wants to follow in the footsteps of his big brother, Prosciutto, but he's the superior choice if you want a bow character on your team. If you were to keep him on field, Pesci's unit would rely on normal attacks and his burst. Due to Beach Boy's influence, Pesci as a Genshin character would have tracking capabilities where his normal attacks will always hit their mark. Pesci is the only one to come from Mondstadt simply because he is the most insecure of the team, until he gets aggravated. With Mondstadt being the nation of freedom, he would find it peaceful, but boring. There wouldn't be any means of improving himself and with him being an Italian gangster in JJBA, the Knights would be out of the question for him; probably became a criminal in Mondstadt for a meager reason like petry theft.

As a Player: He doesn't know what he's doing, but he's doing his best. Pesci’s characters tend to have weak artifacts, and fully built weapons, but he forgot constellations existed. He is also the only player who genuinely enjoys the game. He and Melone have game nights, where Illuso and Formaggio sometimes join.

⁸ Formaggio

Vision: Anemo

Weapon: Sword

Role: sub-DPS

Origin: Liyue

Formaggio is a simple man. He likes to slash and strike fast. His added Anemo element just makes damage from elemental reactions easier. He would also be from Liyue, and much like Sorbet and Gelato, is very good at scamming or getting in-and-out of contracts whenever he wants. Yanfei and Yelan would despise him.

As a Player: He prefers swordsman because of how fast the damage output its. Formaggio would start as a Traveler main simply because they are the easiest character to build, but gradually started using his 5 stars more. Now he mains Kazuha but keeps a C6R5 Keqing unit on standby. He kept losing his 50/50 to her and he is now one of those people who will die on the hill that she is still one of the best units. He chose Lumine because he thought she was cute.

𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓬𝓵𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷

Genshin!La Squadra has no healer. So, if anyone is hurt, they just keep going until everyone dies or someone finishes the enemy.

Yea- I've been thinking about Genshin!LS for some time. They all somehow coalesced under Risotto due to being chased out of their own territories and gathered, forming a mercenary team. (We don't talk about how Risotto leaves and re-enters Inazuma. He just can. 💅) They still aren't happy with how things ended up because they're still working under someone of higher authority.

Thx for stopping by.

[kakyogay]

okay so things got worse :D

so basically mr steam support guy needed me to get a gift card (because it's the only way I can add money to steam) to pay for some kind of validation process so I can get my account back and all that shit will be resolved. So I did and now owe my dad $20. Not a huge deal I can just pay him back through allowance. So I gave him the card code and receipt and thought it'd all be fine. Nope. Turns out I need to get another because he miscalculated and it's only at 50%. wasn't told I needed to get two and was already home so it's not like I could just go back out and get another. Also I just straight up don't have the money to get another. I currently have a single dollar sitting in my wallet and I don't want to be $40 in debt to my dad. my allowance is dogshit and if I did it would take 2 months to pay him back. I don't want to make the steam guy wait long so I told him I'd get it by tomorrow but I have no way to do that. My mom doesn't have money, my sister doesn't have enough, and my friend isn't in a great spot financially at the moment. Funny thing is it will just get refunded anyways. Sure the refund means I technically don't spend any money but also it fucking does because I'm a minor with parents that don't like giving their cards to sites they know nothing about. I am so fucking stressed out about this I just want my account back and go back to playing silly video games.

it all could have never happened if some fucker in italy never made an account that looks and links to mine to fucking scam people.

alright which one of you made an identical steam account to mine and used it to scam people?

(I will be breaking all of your bones and cracking your skull open)

[texasthegreatdestroyer]

Anto, I'm calling you out for the fake ass mother fucker you are.

Just a reminder, on April 17th, Anto apologized for his involvement. It was a garbage apology, but that's besides the point:

When I called him out on his garbage and insincere apology, he insisted to me directly that he was being sincere, and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I went out of my way to personally view him as the lesser of the evils presented in the list of creators involved in the doxxing.

Come today, I find out about this:

Towards the bottom, what do you see? Anto sims LIKING a post that misgenders Bucky by implying he is Mack, when he literally proved that Mack and him aren't the same person, as well as accusing Bucky of SUICIDE BAITING... You know what Anto. You can kindly sit and spin on a cactus you insincere prick. The sad part is, by giving this post approval, you have enabled the trolls who harassed someone to rock fucking bottom. That someone is Bucky, and Bucky is someone who despite not agreeing with paywalls loved YOUR CONTENT so much that they paid for your Patreon. They even messaged you expressing their love for your content. And this is how you repay the people who supported you? By enabling their harassers? By validating this transphobia and disgusting claims of suicide baiting? YOU DELETED THAT INSTAGRAM POST LIKE IT WAS NOTHING AFTER DEFENDING IT SO HARD AND THEN PRETENDED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED, AND THEN YOU PULL THIS?

Fuck you Anto. You don't get to beg people to see your side of things and to forgive you for this garbage nor do you get to ask for consideration of your mental health when you clearly don't give a damn about anyone elses, because you've proven that you ARENT ACTUALLY SORRY to the people you victimized in the most vile way possible, and the sad part is, you're just as bad if not worse than the trolls. You chose to watch all of this going on from the shadows going "Woe is me! My anxiety!" expecting everyone to be sympathetic to your mental health. You know what's fucking anxiety inducing? Having your work contacted for the 4th time over fucking Sims 4 Custom Content. Mack knows all about that one, but she's the bully, right? You know what else is anxiety inducing? Having to to try and find the right words to say to talk someone down from harming themselves after they've been degraded over and over to the point they broke. Trying to fight back the words of vile individuals who insisted on jabbing deeper deeper, again, all because of bickering over CUSTOM CONTENT FOR SIMS 4. Something myself and Mack had attempted to do the best of our abilities to no fucking avail. And finally, you want another example of something really anxiety inducing? Getting harassed consistently by burner accounts seeking to get past anonymous asks, being misgendered and told you aren't a real person when you have a mental illness that makes you believe that you literally do not exist. Being called a scammer because you tried to save one of your dogs and pay for the other's euthanasia and cremation costs because it couldn't be saved all the while being told that your emotional support animals should be stripped away from you because of that unfortunate fact. Something Bucky experienced. Oh, but I'm sorry, you expect everyone else to give a shit about your mental health when you can't show some damn empathy and speak out against those blogs.

Honestly, yeah, I'm being a real bitch right now and I don't give a fuck, I'm fucking bitter and angry. I don't understand how someone can be so money hungry that they'll happily enable the harassment of a human being let alone the fact that said human being was somone who respected that individual. At this point, I don’t give a shit about the mental health of those who enable this disgusting behavior. I'm tired of the mental health excuse. Give me some reasons to truly give a fuck when yall mother fuckers don't give a damn who you hurt. That much is obvious. Either way. I just felt like I should point out how much of a two faced snake Anto is.

I don't imagine I need to say this, but I will because it's the DECENT EMPATHETIC THING TO DO. Don't attack or harass any of the troll accounts or any of the creators for that matter. If you want to criticize the creators, that's one thing, but do NOT harass them. And as for troll accounts. Just block them.

For now, here's a list of Troll accounts to go through and block. I will post new lists when I find more as to not give yall a list of accounts you may have already blocked. If you're a frequent detractor, I'd use this list. Don't let this people bully you off of tumblr. Defend yourselves.

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ��vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rated M++ for language and themes

If you recognize it--IT AIN'T MINE

Sorry for the OOC-ness

Chapter 7

Kihyun

The next day, after two fittings with costumes, two phone interviews, a shoot for an ad, and a tv spot; I finally got back to the dorms, and back to that story.

Bryn PoV--

As if today wasn't bad enough, I walked into the house to find it completely empty. The kids wandered around and I tried to field a million questions about where they were gonna sleep and what we were gonna eat. That and the meltdowns every five minutes led me to try to call my little brother. I really just needed to talk to another grown-up. As soon as I had supper figured out, I called Joey.

"Hello," said a voice on the other end of the phone.

"Ummm. Hi?"

"Oh. Hello," The voice was familiar, but it wasn't Joey.

"Is Joey close?"

"Sorry. Who?"

"Sorry. Jooheon. Kids call him 'Uncle Joey'. Guess it stuck."

"Hmm. No. You just missed him."

"Dern. Can you pass on a message?"

"Sure."

"Can you tell him to call Bryn when he gets back?"

"Oh! I didn't recognize your voice, Bryn. How are you? It's Kihyun. Joey is in the shower. Can I help you with whatever you need," I asked, biting my lip and praying she would say yes. Just the sound of her voice was both soothing and somehow able to tie me up in knots.

"Actually, I was calling to vent. I've had a particularly terrible day today. Joey is my sobriety sponsor."

"He is? Wow," I said before Honey came charging at me, his hair still wet. "I would still LOVE to talk to YOU," I shouted.

"Gimmie my phone, Kihyun."

I handed him back the phone and heard him say

"What's up, Sis?"

Though I couldn't hear exactly what was said, I could tell by the look on his face, it wasn't good.

"Really?"

Then, Honey sighed. "Lemme see what I can do from here."

"Please, let me help."

If it were possible for him to get any more pissed off, he did. "HE WHAT," he yelled. Then, he pulled the phone from his ear and said, "I need a one way ticket to Peoria International!! I'm gonna kill him. I am gonna fuckin' kill him." Next, he put the phone back to his ear, "Lemme see what I can do here, Sis," he growled as he demanded numbers and wrote them down, and then hung up.

As he started digging on the internet to find the cheapest fare, HyunWoo said, "Hold it, Hot Shot. What happened?"

"That douchbag finally left. He took everything! Even the kids stuff. He left them with NOTHING! That is why Sis was calling. He cleaned out their account and took everything. Damn lucky he couldn't touch the shop accounts or he would have cleaned them out too. Literally everything. She needs a little cash to feed the kids til Friday."

"Thank God it is Wednesday," said CK. from the far side of the room. If anyone had bothered to look, the reflection on his glasses was an Amazon cart with 37 things in it. The only time ANYONE has that many things in an Amazon cart is when they are buying groceries. However, most of those were chips or snack cakes.

Honey, Min, and HyungWon all sat down to iron out how much and what they were gonna contribute.

Silently, I picked up my bank book and palmed the slip of paper with her info on it. Only HyunWoo saw me slip out the door. He stopped me as I waited for the elevator and handed me a few bills from his own wallet before turning back towards the room.

"What," was all I could get out before he interrupted, cutting me off mid-question.

"We look out for our own," He answered before he opened the door to the dorm.

After heading to the nearest Western Union, I called the number on the slip from Honey. When she picked up, I smiled.

"Hey, Bryn, it's Kihyun. I wired you some money. Should be about $100, if everything gets exchanged right."

"Kihyun, you guys didn't have to do that. My dad was already gonna feed the kids. I just needed to talk to someone. This has got me so shaken up, I want a drink really bad. Guess I wasn't too clear with Joey."

"Really? Then why was he," I stopped as a shadow fell over me. "Well, shit. Guess who is now standing right behind me."

"Tell him to calm down."

"Bryn says to calm down. She told me to sit on you if I have to."

"Kihyun! I did not."

"I paraphrased," I laughed. "Besides, Sweets, if looks could kill, I'd be dead right about now."

"Really," she chuckled.

"Oh yeah. He is probably gonna follow me all the way to the dorm. I guess I am not allowed out on my own," I laughed.

"Why," She asked.

"I tend to do dumb things, according to others. Though they may be a little impulsive, they always work out in the end. So don't look the horse in the mouth."

"I won't."

"Good girl," I laughed, "So why did you call him, anyway?"

"I needed someone I could yell at that would not take it personal."

"I am always here. Though, I may occasionally yell back."

She laughed. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Making me laugh. I needed that. "

"Damn. I was looking forward to the screaming match. C'mon, get it started, Angelface," I said as I stopped at the stoplight and waited for the crosswalk. "Do you want me to start," I asked, then pulled the phone away and yelled.

Bringing the phone back to my face, I asked as the crosswalk lit up and I crossed the street, "How was that," I grinned.

"A 10. A fuckin' 10. Have you thought of being a Rockstar," she laughed.

I could almost hear the smile on her face, which made me laugh. Even if my throat killed me in the morning it was worth it.

"Hey, hang on a second. I want to send you something," I said as I put my phone on speaker and started the camera.

"Oh dear God, what now," she asked.

I took a short video of me sending her a kiss and sent it off. "Nothing bad."

"Ok, if you say so. Just not cool with unsolicited dick pics from strange men."

"I would not send you unsolicited dick pics, nor am I a stranger. Now, if you asked for them...Like a good girl," I started and looked over at Honey, who was looking at me with the 'better never do that' face. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

"I'm getting side eye."

She laughed and said, "I know just the look. It screams, 'You'd better not be sending photos of ANY part of your anatomy to my sister'."

"Yes," I laughed. "So how are you feeling? Better?"

"Much. Thank you."

"No problem. I'm here all week. Try the veal," I laughed. "Still want a drink," I asked.

"No. The laughs did it for me. Thank you."

"You are very welcome, Darling. So did you get the video I sent?"

"I did. That was very sweet. Thanks."

"You are very welcome, Pretty Lady. Well, we are back at the dorms."

"I should probably go then," she sighed.

"Just remember I am also available for Mitzvahs," I chuckled, which made her laugh. "Seriously, Sweetie, anytime you need a sounding board or a laugh fest, a screaming match or some naughty-Ow, Mother fucker!-I got smacked on my arm for that last bit. I am always here,"

"Thanks again. Until next time."

I paused and came VERY close to telling her how I felt but said, instead, "Again, you are welcome."

"Bye, Kihyun."

"Bye, Bryn," I breathed, then hung up.

Honey looked at me as he crossed his arms over his chest, "It took everything you had to not tell her 'I love you' didn't it?"

All I could do was nod and hope that my dreams tonight would be better than they had been.

As we got into the elevator, He said, "It was good hearing that you made her laugh."

"I love the sound of her laughter. Once I got her started, I didn't want her to stop. I think that she is just as funny as she is sweet."

"You do know that she will do one of two things, right?"

"What two things?"

"Either immediately send the money right back, or hang on to it and physically give you back every bit. She hates asking for help...of any kind," he said as he opened the door to our dorm.

"Yeah? Wonder why."

He just laughed, "Her ex-fiancée, ex-husband, and her father."

"What happened," I asked as I made us a pot of coffee.

"They all held every penny over her head. Her dad decided he wanted her out the minute she turned 18 and to do it, he threw her out the boat, so to speak. Said if she floated, she never needed help anyway; and if she sank, well, it was her own fault."

"That's abuse. Financial abuse."

"Yep. He was the kind to tell her everything she had was his, that she owned nothing; not even the clothes on her back. He comes from the 'I Own You' school of parenting. Her ex-fiancée would demand she work, then make her late, so she would lose any job she got. Then, he'd take any money she got paid and use it for crap he wanted rather than the bills she had it ear-marked for."

"Oh, tell me he didn't."

"Oh he did. Spent it on girls at the local under 21."

"Shit. He screwed around on her, didn't he?"

"Yep. Which is why if you ever think about cheating, I will castrate you myself," he growled.

Somehow I knew he would do it, and I would let him. "Don't have to worry about that. Can you tell me about her ex-husband?"

"That asshole was a piece of work. Emotionally, Mentally, and Fiscally abusive. The entire time they were together, he would pinch a penny until it died if it was something she needed, but she was expected to turn over her things and cash to him. She worked second shift in a factory; out of the house from half 1 to almost 1 am. He was in semi driver school at the time, racked up a HUGE amount of debt; I'm talking almost 40K. Constantly accused her of cheating when he had a different lot lizard every night. It's a miracle he never gave her anything."

I was disgusted by this guys behavior. To have a woman like her waiting at home and trying his best to break her.

"And that isn't even the worst of his offenses. He screamed at her one night while he was over the road, on training. She was at work, and he called her on her lunch break. The entire time, he screamed at her for having a cold sore and yelled about her cheating loud enough for her co-workers to hear. Her boss to tell her to turn off her phone; that he was tired of hearing that jerk yell at her. The guy he was learning with, told him that 'If I were her, I would be calling the lawyer first thing in the morning, after that shit.' He 'apologized' pretty quickly after that."

"Icky. I hope she ended it there."

"No. That girl has a ton of stay and No show. He ended up deployed to Egypt and told his brother about the girls there. Never thought his brother would run and tell her. She still didn't leave. You left a blister on her cheek one night and he threw her out in the snow."

"Stay and no show? I'm not sure I understand."

"Horse terms," came a voice from the doorway. I had forgotten Hoseok was staying with us while his apartment was getting the pipes fixed. "When a filly is learning to ride, it's said she is full of Show and no Stay. Meaning she looks good, but is too skittish to stand still. Sis--Well Sis may not look like much, but she has tons of loyalty to those who show her the same. She has the patience to play a 30 year long game, and the courage to weather ANY storm. But she has a problem knowing when to leave, and so she gets hurt."

"Hold up! He threw her out in the snow?!"

As Hoseok filled his own mug, he answered, "Yeah, he threw her out of the apartment in the middle of a snowstorm. Lucky her parents were in town. So if you start this with her, and you ever want out; you are gonna have to straight up tell her to go. She won't understand otherwise. She doesn't play games and has a tough time with subtly. So always be direct and honest with her."

I nodded taking it in. There was something I thought I wanted, so I asked, "How is her aegyo"

"If you are looking for overt aegyo, don't. Hers is subtle but she has got it in spades, and she doesn't even know it. It's in the way she plays, either with her guy or her kids," he said as he leaned against the counter, "It's in the subtle blush when you say or do something for her without her asking. It's in a compliment and the smiling eyes that comes with it. She has never had some of the things other girls take for granted, like a stolen kiss or flowers on her birthday. Other things, like those romantic gestures, she has only had once or twice. If I remember right, the last guy to 'play' was an FWB years and years ago, and that guy only stole one kiss, once," Honey replied.

"Don't expect her to run with girls. Most girls find her too harsh, too rough. She doesn't appreciate girls and their whiney, gossipy ways. She never wears makeup, and I have never once seen her with her nails painted. She is a guys-girl, a tom-boy through and through; wasn't made delicate. She is stronger than most people will ever know. However, her heart is extremely delicate, it's been broken and bruised so bad, even I wonder how she is still alive. So, let me tell you, right now," Hoseok said as he sat down his mug and leaned over the counter in my direction, "She may not be blood, but she is my sister."

"Hmm," I nodded. "You really don't have to worry about that," I replied. "How are you related to her again," I asked.

"Distant cousin. Her auntie married my mothers little brother, for all of five minutes. I am only gonna tell you this once, if you hurt that filly in ANY way; you wont walk again."

"Got it," I replied, cringing.

"You know that she won't ask for what she wants or needs. You are gonna need to be damned good at reading between the lines, cause she is so afraid that if she tells you what she needs, what she wants, you will do the same thing every one else has done," Honey said after a minute.

"Run," I answered nodding.

"Yep. Most men can't handle her intensity so they either run or try to turn her down to levels that they can handle without realizing that her fire isn't meant to be dimmed, but fed. She is gonna need you to be just as emotional as her, to show her that it is ok to feel again. She is very touch oriented, very tactile. So a lot of her feelings are touch related."

"I understand, Joey."

"You had better. The only reason I didn't beat the shit out of the other assholes, is that I wasn't there. If I had been, I would have had no problems with a few months in the county lock-up. And if Clark had tried that shit while I was there..."

"Really?"

"Yeah. See, the shit of it is, she fades into the background. She doesn't want all those things that other girls want. She isn't the kind to run or chase. She doesn't play games. She is also emotional. Ease into it. Don't try to love bomb her, she went through that shit with Clark and won't put up with it from you," Hoseok said, then turned to Joey, "Speaking of, did you hear what Lone Elm called him?"

Joey shook his head.

Hoseok grinned. "Elm called him a fuckin fishstick."

Joey started laughing, "Elm called him 'Fishstick'."

I looked back and forth between the two men who were holding themselves up on the counter while they laughed. "I don't get it. What-What's a fishstick?"

A hand landed on my shoulder from behind. I turned to see Changkhyun standing there, an amused look on his face.

"Fishsticks are only available in the States. They are mashed-up fish paste, about an inch wide by around six inches long, which is then breaded. Then, they are to be baked in an oven. Either they turn out soggy or they are hard as a rock; inedible either way. Which is good, because they are fuckin' gross. Nasty little things."

"Are they like the fish at Mickey's?"

"No," CK stated. "The fish there is actually decent. Fishsticks are generally served in school hot lunches on Fridays due either to religious reasons, or because they are cheap and can be purchased by the gross. At any rate, they are still inedible."

"Icky. How in the hell can people do that to their kids?"

"Not a clue. That was why I always took my lunch on Friday. Every Friday, the hot lunch was always the same thing; rock hard fishsticks, soggy tater tots, dehydrated-rehydrated mixed vegetables, and golden glow salad with mayonnaise on the top. It was the grossest meal I have ever seen in my entire life."

I shuddered to think of those poor kids. Forced to eat that nasty stuff.

After reading that, I was glad her kids never had to eat that. She fixed boxes for them. School lunches in the States sounded gross.

'Some things were ok.'

'I thought you took your lunch, Mami?'

'I did. My dad said cold lunch was cheaper. But, there was one day, once or twice a month, that I would get school lunch. They called it pork pattie day, but it was a breaded pork tenderloin on a bun. It was pretty decent. It was pretty gross the rest of the time, but that day wasn't too bad.'

'Have I watched you fix those before?'

'Not sure.'

'Are those the sandwiches where you beat the pork chops to nothing and then bread and fry them?'

'Yes.'

'Those do look pretty tasty,' I said as I dug around for what to fix the next day, so I could write it on the board. 'Hmm. Help, please. Can't figure out supper.'

'Whatcha got?'

'Hmmm. Some sausages, some tiny shrimp, and a package of chicken,' I said as I dug around in the freezer.

"You can use the shrimp and chicken in Gumbo.'

'It has been quite a while since I've had Gumbo. I've never made it before though.'

'Look it up. There are a million Gumbo recipes out there.'

'I think I will do that. Thanks, Baby. Have I told you, today, how awesome you are??'

'Yes, but I can always stand to hear it again,' she laughed.

A/N)--The above abuses......actually happened. First hand experience.

[venting-my-life-to-strangers]

This is another few months later honestly I kind of forgot I had this account and I still post on my spam the shit in my head but here is a bit more peaceful it's just me screaming into the void no one really listening and it helps especially since I doubt anyone will find it and that gives me peace of mind to out down my wretched thoughts and not make others worry. I've been thinking these past few months that I might have ADHD and it's not improbable but I can't bring it up to my parents they don't understand or choose not to. My sister has ADHD and is also Austistic and I've heard it is genetic so I might have it but they won't care if I tell them anything. They don't care about my mental health at all and claim I'm being lazy or "pretending to try" when I'm actually trying my hardest. I told my dad in middle school I was suicidal and he told me that I wasn't and proceeded to mansplian what being suicidal is. Like fucker you think that you know the shit going on in my head? Fuck you. Oh yeah he got mad at me for being on my phone "late" a few times and now it turns off at 11 pm abs on at 6 am and it used to be 7 am but that doesn't matter too much. "you're not using your freedom correctly" *takes away phone and puts child monitoring shit on it* and then he fucking told me I need to be more independent like he didn't just take away my ability to be independent. I'm working on getting my liscence with my Grandparents but he guilttripted me over and over about how they wastes money on me and I don't do anything and how "you'll have more freedom if you drive" I got my phone taken away for a full weekend because I took at shower at night.... I fucking hate you and I see others parents being loving to them and cry whenever you both give me affection it's not genuine and it hurts. Oh and then blaming me for losing my social security card but I was never given it and making me feel horrible about me allegedly losing it and then you fucking find it with everyone else's card... Fuck you im sorry I exist I didn't choose to be fucking born I hate you