#i know the bolded points make it easier for reading but it keeps glitching out the post editor so im going to stop for now LMAO | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

accessible-flatland-art · 1 year ago

Text

Pinned post.

[ID: The icon for this blog, which is a black right triangle on a brown square background, with text following the diagonal of the triangle, reading, "Let irregulars enjoy fandom too.". End ID.]

Please copy and paste the image description I write into the original post for your art, rather than simply reblogging it from me. (You can also reblog it too, if you want, thought!). Plain text (what you're reading right now) is more accessbile than ALT text because tumblr is a glitched mess.

The image description should go directly below the image being described, above comments, and stay in normal sized, black text, without italics, bold, or colors. It may be indented (like above) to make it easier to distinguish from the rest of the text in the post. This is in fact more accessible.

This blog is run by @rjalker so it's easier to keep track of which Flatland art has an ID already, and so people have an easy place to find it all.

Anyone can reblog from this blog, even if I have you blocked on my main. I block people sometimes just to filter posts and then forget to unblock...RIP

Please note: I cannot describe posts with eyeburningly neon colors, flashing lights, or audio that is difficult to hear or very fast paced.

If you list your OCs names, pronouns, and shapes in the post itself, it will make it much easier for me to describe.

___

Posts on the blog so far: 404 Posts still in the drafts: 1,022

Blog created on September 18th, 2023 Numbers last updated: September 7 2024

(The drafts consist of all of the undescribed Flatland art, and art that is described but I still have to tag, that I could find in the whole tag going back to January 2022, at which point tumblr started giving me random unrelated posts instead. Not sure if it ran out of Flatland posts, or just stops actually keeping track of tagged posts after a year...?)

Here is a link to a post with many places to read, watch, and listen to Flatland, all for free, because the book is public domain.

Very important note:

Very important edit: Ladd Ehlinger, the creator of the 2007 film that’s free on youtube, is an extremely racist and misogynistic conservative. He made a political ad so blatantly racist and sexist that youtube has literally resstricted it, so that you can’t share the link outside the site. Simply google his name and you will see dozens upon dozens of articles about how bigoted he is.

Please be aware of what kind of person made that movie when you watch it. His bigotry is baked into the movie, and is why he refused to actually do anything with the original political commentary from the book.

You are not a bad person if you already watched the movie and enjoyed it, but you do need to be aware of what kind of person made it and how that affected the movie, and make sure others are warned. He is also here on tumblr with the username filmladd. I highly recommend blocking him.

___

The tagging system for this blog is under the cut so this post doesn't get too long. More tags will be added as I find more art to reblog.

The tags in use so far, which I have saved to a notepad so I can just copy and paste them as needed.

Some tags are newer, so might not show up on all art! Let me know if there's any that should be added to specific posts, or if there's any tags you want to see to be able to search for!

please copy and paste into the original post for accessability no credit needed! It should go directly below the image and stay in regular#text without color italics or bold though you can make it indented like I have it here! Image descriptions are like subtitles for blind ppl

described images, described art, Flatland, Flatland art, Flatart,

transcribed audio, transcribed lyrics, lyrics, music,

Photoedits,

Physical books,

Flatland a Romance of Many Dimensions, Flatland Illustrations,

Book collections, Flatland collections,

The Color Revolt, Configurationism, Circularchy,

Stylized form, Literal form,

Gijinka,

anthropomorphized, humanoid, anthropoid,

objecthead,

Flatland animals, Flatland rabbit, Flatland bees, Flatland horse, Flatland chicken, Flatland dog, Flatland cat, Flatland mouse,

Flatland technology,

Flatland anatomy, Flatland worldbuilding, Flatland cosmology, Flatland structure,

Spaceland worldbuilding,

maps,

A Square, The Sphere,

The Sphere 1965, A Square 1965,

A Square, A Square 2007, A Sphere 2007,

Spherius 2007, the Sphere,

Adam the Square, Spherus the Sphere,

Kormance the Sphere,

The Grandson of a Square, A Square's Wife, The Wife of A Square, The Sons of A Square, The Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather of A Square, The King of Lineland, The Monarch of Pointland, Chromatistes, Chromatistes the Pentagon,

memes, Flatland memes,

Public domain characters in Flatland, Flatland versions of characters,

Public domain characters,

Family Trees, Comic, Animation,

Flatland OCs, Original characters, Flatland original characters,

Character reference,

Disabled characters, Characters with disability aids, Characters with glasses, Characters with visual impairment,

Disabled characters, Neurodivergent characters, Physically disabled characters, Characters with mobility aids, Characters with disability aids, Characters with prosthetics, Characters with canes, Characters with walkers, Characters with swimmers, Characters with glasses, Characters with wheelchairs, Characters with chairs, Characters with sleds, Characters with crutches, Characters with rollators, Characters with scars, Characters with facial differences, Characters with limb differences, Characters with visual impairment, Blind characters,

Queer characters, LGBTQIA+ characters, Gay characters, Bi characters, mspec characters, Lesbian characters, Trans characters, Nonbinary characters, Characters who use neopronouns, Characters who use multiple pronoun sets, Aroace characters, Aspec characters, Omni characters,

Black Characters, Characters of color,

Irregular characters, Deirregular Characters,

Werestars, Stellanthropes, Shapeshifters, dragons, serpents, weredragons,

Characters with wings, Characters with tails,

Sphereland, Flatterland, The Arts of Being, The Breaking Point, Neopronouns in Action, Flat Dreams, Flatterland, Flatland the film 2007, Flatland the movie 2007, Flatland 1965, A Visit to Numberland, Numberland, Flatland Heist 2013,

Neopronouns in Action 062, Neopronouns in Action,

Neopronouns in Action 090, Neopronouns in Action,

A 2024 Flatland Summary,

Tarzan of the Apes, Mickey Mouse,

Dayo,

Esther Flat Dreams, Nora Vigenere, Nora Flat Dreams,

Pollux Codex, Madelyn Schwarz-Carver, Hunter Schwarz, Marianne Smith, Michael the Misogynist Pentagon, Providence, Nature, Providence and Nature, Germs, Mr Square, A Shape,

Oblisi,

Liam,

A Son of A Square,

Cy,

Frau Line,

Lily Cipher,

Ruth Galton, Ruth, Liz, Elizabeth Huntsworth, Stella, Orbis, Irene Huntsworth, Mama Huntsworth, Chief Jr, Atlas Huntsworth, Atlas, Vance,Vance Huntsworth, Elijah, Elijah Huntsworth, Jasper,Jasper Huntsworth, 01 Isosceles,

Vincent, Trey,

Rutabega,

Hauntlight the Irregular Line, Cenotaph the rabbit aether, Sirenade the Irregular Multiangulus, Raptigan the _, Avispa Oro, Beatris Baker, Mo Guy, Unnamed characters, Billie Bob and Joe, Billie the Straight Line, Bob the Circle, Joe the Hexagon,

Jerult the Irregular Kite, Cairis Garret the Equilateral Triangle, Letel the Isosceles Triangle, Aralinda the Straight Line, Leteralinda the Straight Line, Ambrosine the Straight Line, Lucille the Straight Line, Carolayn the Kite, Tristram the Isosceles Triangle,

Arsenn Lupin, Arsene Lupin, AScrossover, Arsene Lupin crossover, Ortence Daniel, Hortense Daniel,

Flyssa of Ib-Wa, Dearg of Ib-Wa, Lieutenant Kellite the Configurationist, Grandna Tuokeli,

Angelica Tessan, A Tesseract, Abel Spherious, A Sphere, Anthony Squaur, A Square,

Vikki Line, Victoria Line, Lee Line, Jubilee Line,

Huffy,

Bill Cipher, Gravity Falls, GFcrossover, The Book of Bill, , Flatfalls, The Mother of Bill Cipher, The Father of Bill Cipher,

Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Ford Pines, The Axolotl, Andrew Kryptos, The Mosaic,

Carlton,

Randie,Gravity Falls, GFcrossover, Flatfalls,

Flatsune Miku, Hatsune Miku,

Astrum, Astrum the five pointed star, Funis, Pi,

Ted the vwindir,

A Squared shipping, Quadsphere shipping, ASquarexTheSphere, Squaresphere, Squeer,

Spacelanders, Flatlanders, Linelanders, Pointlanders, Hyperspacelanders, Exter Dimensional beings, Higher Dimensional Beings, Beings From Unknnown Dimensions, Planiversers, Numberlandians,

Walking Flatlanders, Swimflying Flatlanders,

Alternate Universe Forms,

Video, autoplay, GIF, Autoplay, WIP animation, Unnamed Animation 001, Animation,

games, downloads,

Flatland Merch, Art you can buy, Art you can print,

public domain art, public domain designs, public domain characters,

Square characters, Sphere characters,

Straight Line characters, Irregular Line characters,

Triangle characters, Isosceles characters, Equilateral characters, Scalene characters,

Rectangle characters, Irregular square characters, Kite characters,

Circle characters, Irregular circle characters,

Pentagon characters, Hexagon characters, Septagon characters, Octagon characters,

unspecific characters,

Art templates,

plush, plushies, arts and crafts,

Ty for adding it to the original,:), ID added in reblog, ID in original,:),

Plain text ID added in reblog, Original ID in ALT text, :),

#pinned post #Flatland #accessible art blog #accessible art #described art #accessible art blogs #image descriptions #accessability

13 notes · View notes

theparaminds · 6 years ago

Photo

A new face in music, Binki is exactly what many have been looking for but have been unable to find. His style contrasts a stark relaxation in sonics with an introspective understanding of lyrics and emotion.

An theatre student, Binki truly understands what it takes to connect with an audience, what it takes to express emotion honestly and how to be a truthful soul within sound itself. His first song, Marco, does so perfectly, reminding us of youthful innocence and the troubles that come with it.

In his first interview ever, Binki tells us of his baggings and what it took to make the jump into music, as well as has upcoming move to New York set to put a lot into focus.

PM: First question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

It’s been pretty uneventful. I had to go to court earlier for this speeding ticket, but other than that I've just been cooling. Later I’m gonna go jam with my buddy though.

PM: For those who don’t know, who is Binki? What does he represent and what is his vision?

Yeah I'm pretty sure nobody knows me! Binki was actually my nickname growing up, not really sure how it came to be, but it stuck. I recently decided to release music as Binki to remind myself to not be too self-serious with my music. I definitely care about what I'm doing but if it's not fun then what's the point? Overall though, I want to make music that connects and makes people days easier.

PM: What was the spurring moment that really told you to start releasing music as opposed some odd demos here and there?

A few things, but my brother played a big part in it all. He would always gas me up when I showed him a song he thought was good. I always had desire to go full tilt with the music but I always held myself back. I was in school studying theatre and acting for the past 4 years; and I had it in my head that I couldn't do both for some reason. I thought people wouldn't take my acting seriously if I had this music career on the side. But life's really too short to not do the things you love. There's also plenty of people who have done both successfully. It was really just fear.

PM: Were there others around you inspiring you to push into musical ventures?

Yeah, there's definitely a "house show" scene at the school I went to. I was definitely inspired because I wanted to be a part of it and perform. I also really enjoy live music. I didn't have a band though, and it's really hard to get people excited to hear some random dude perform over an instrumental.

PM: To move a little back to the past, what did your environment and location look like growing up and how did it manifest into your sound and style?

Suburbs as fuck. I spent my early years in Hershey, Pennsylvania. A lot of white people and not a ton of culture. I wasn't miserable though, I had a lot of friends and I was outside playing most of the time. My brother put me onto a lot of stuff growing up, but in highschool I kinda veered off into my own lane. I remember this girl I had a crush on showed me Pink Floyd, which spiraled into me listening to a lot of classic rock. Then in college, I watched this Jimi Hendrix documentary, which is no longer on Netflix unfortunately. But after that, I started learning how to play guitar. I don't know though, the internet kinda changed the way everyone consumes music and other people's culture. I feel like it's super valuable for artists who might feel like they're in a bubble geographically. I'm moving to NYC in like 2 weeks though so we'll see how that changes things.

PM: What’re some of your fears and aspirations with living in new york? What is it you hope to find in the city you wouldn’t find anywhere else?

It's actually just starting to hit me that I'm moving to NYC. It's something I've always wanted, feels a bit surreal. I guess a fear would be that the city will just expose me as a talentless hack and I'll have you move back to the burbs. Or that it'll take me 20+ years to make it. I'm really not afraid of much at the moment. I feel like a big part of being successful in any field, especially creative endeavors, is just being bold enough or naive enough to think you have something to add. So many people give up before they even try. My goals are pretty nebulous at the moment. I really just wanna connect and collaborate with talented artists. I'd love to perform my music in some capacity, that's been the mission for awhile. NYC represents opportunity in my mind. There's an energy. If you live there, you might inherently have it. If you move there you're looking for something, and you gotta be driven to survive there. I'm looking for that energy.

PM: On the topic of the music itself, how have you come to develop your sound over time? What changes are you working on and improvements as time goes?

Most definitely still developing my sound. I think the best thing has been working with different people. The same way you communicate with other artists if you're having a jam. I think my writing changes when I'm exposed to different sounds. I never understood when artists say they only listen to their own music when they are creating, I can respect it, but I feel like I'd lose my mind if I tried that. I take pieces from all of my favorite artists, but it's all filtered through me so it's always gonna sound like me. Going forward I just want to keep taking risks and remain ambitious. I'll always want my music to be enjoyable. Not commercial necessarily, but I don't want my music to live in a bubble where only a select few enjoy it. That said I really want to do a concept album at some point, something along the lines of My Beautiful Dark Fantasy.

PM: What is about the concept album that you love and why is the idea of making one appealing to you as an artist?

When it's done well, it adds another layer to the music. Also albums are just in a strange place right now. I really hate this trend of artists releasing 30+ songs and calling it an album. Something really cold about it. I think concept albums, and more ambitious video projects, show a different level of passion. Even when done poorly, I'm like: “okay there's intention behind this.”

PM: What’re some of your personal ambitions and goals going forward? Do any include live shows?

The biggest one is to just put out music that I'm proud of. There will be live shows in 2019. I'm kinda just speaking that into existence but it can't be that hard right? Even if it's just like 20 people, that'd be tight. I'd love to go on tour eventually. Also more videos! My brother and I made the video for "Marco" in like 48 hours with no plan. So we just want to keep getting better and stay consistent.

PM: Tell me more about that Marco shoot, how did come together and how did it conceptualize through the day?

So I called off work and drove down to Atlanta, we started just shooting random bits around my brother's apartment complex. Then we just bounced around the city starting at a museum, then a park, and we ended at dance party. It was a super fun day, it felt like we really had something. The next day I said we should get a shot of me falling in a pool. Totally inspired by the 'Untitled' video by Rex Orange County. I didn't think we'd get any shots of me underwater though because we were shooting on an iPhone. My brother was like "I'm pretty sure this is water proof." I was like, I don't know man but we ended up just going for it. We got the shots and then his phone died. He plugged it up to charge and then the screen started glitching and shit. I was so hurt man, I thought we lost all the footage, but like thirty minutes later it started working again and we transferred everything to his laptop. It was wild, I'd never seen a phone come back to life after something like that. After that shoot, everything kinda shifted for me. I was like "oh, I can really just do this shit." Been riding that wave ever since.

youtube

PM: That’s an amazing story. Do you have a best memory of the last year, if it’s possible for you to pinpoint?

When I went to NYC in March. That was pretty dope, but to be honest, I feel like releasing Marco might be the highlight. The response has been wild. This Russian YouTuber put it on his playlist and now there's a bunch of people in Russia playing my music. Crazy. It's one thing for your friends and family to support you but getting support from strangers, people with no stake in my well-being, is the best feeling. I don't know if I've ever felt that to this extent.

PM: And as a final question, if you could recommend one movie to everyone reading currently, what would it be and why?

Well my favorite movie is "Superbad," but I feel like everyone's seen that right? So I'll go with "Rushmore." The main character in that movie is full of contradictions and on the surface he's pretty shitty. But you root for him, and you understand why he is the way he is by the end of the film. I feel like the world is lacking empathy right now. It also has Bill Murray in it so that's a plus

PM: Do you have anyone to shoutout or anything to promote? The floor is yours!

Yeah! shouts out to Chasen, Justin, and Sam for helping me make this shit. Also big shoutout to Raymond & Jerry! And check out "Marco" if you haven't yet!

Follow Binki On instagram

Listen on Soundcloud and Spotify

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thedeanthomas · 7 years ago

Text

Expectations and Reality || AU

It’s been days. It has to have been. Dean has barely moved from the bed, ordering take away pizzas to sustain himself. He doesn’t think, all he does is sleep and zone out to Office reruns on Netflix, trying to keep himself as numb as possible so he doesn’t break down again. Shay’s Smiths t shirt is in a crumpled pile in the corner of the room, Dean had thrown it there that first morning when he’d woken up. He hits the power button on his phone and gets the dead battery icon. With a sigh, Dean rummages around for his charger, plugging it in. As soon as it gets the juice, his phone blows up with notifications he’d been ignoring. He has 18 missed called and 158 texts. He groans when he opens his texting app and sees that at least half of them have to be from his mum.

Dean hits call and throws the phone on his bed with speaker on. He tries to stay awake as his mum shouts at him for disappearing, then he comforts her dully as she weeps about some nonsense with thinking he was dead.

“You’re not alone, are you? Dean, you can’t be alone right now-“ She rambles on for several minutes, but Dean knows she’s right. His mum knows him well enough to know that that’s what he defaults to when he’s upset.

“…we’ve been praying for you Dean and…”

And at the same time she didn’t know a single thing about him.

“I’m fine mum.”

“Seamus is with you still?”

That hits him like a thousand bricks to his chest. Of course she didn’t know. Why the hell would she know. He’s supposed to be torn up over Lavender, mourning the future of married life, suffering the humiliation of being jilted-it was there, but it was nothing compared to the fog of hurt, anger, confusion that he’d spent the past 72 hours in. He’d lose Lavender a hundred times over if it meant Seamus would come back. But he can’t even begin to conceptualize how he’d explain this to his mother. He didn’t even know where she stood on gay people, not really….not that Dean was gay people. God, was Dean gay people? No. No he wasn’t. He liked women. What happened just happened because he was drunk. But that didn’t make explaining this any easier to his mom.

“Dean?”

“Yeah. Yeah he’s around. Just stepped out for a smo-food. He’s getting food.”

Dean didn’t need a cigarette lecture on top of everything else. For a few seconds, he lets himself believe it-that Shay would be showing up in his apartment with eggrolls and one of those trash magazines he read ‘ironically’, throwing himself on the couch…throwing himself on Dean….no.

“I have to go mum. Okay?”

He’d cut her off in the middle of something, but he didn’t apologize.

“Okay. Many happy returns. Namaste.”

“Yep. Ditto.”

“You call me if you need me?

He did need her. He needed her to be who she was when it was just her and him, when they were poor, when she didn’t speak with the affected uppity accent. When she knew him. When Dean could tell her anything. When she would’ve been here, waiting for him, instead of hours away tending to her perfect replacement family.

She didn’t need Dean anymore. That was the problem.

“Sure mum. Bye.”

His plans already disrupted, Dean lets his phone charge and drags himself into the shower, trying to zone out in the water, but it doesn’t work. His thoughts keep drifting to Seamus, to the large loss of him obviously, but Dean can’t quite get other thoughts out of his head. How Shay had tasted….how he’d looked when Dean had been on his knees in front of him…

Dean grunts pinches the skin on his arm to distract himself from getting hard. God. What the hell was wrong with him? He smacks the side of the shower wall and feels better when his hand starts to smart. Good. Something to feel other than fucking sad and like a fucking girl.

He gets out the shower and paces around in his towel, suddenly needing to get out. It’s eleven in the morning. Luna should be awake. Dean checks his phone. It’s…how the hell was it Thursday? Didn’t they get back on Sunday? Whatever. It didn’t matter.

“Hello?”

“Hey it’s-“

“Oh so now you can fucking call me, hmm? Come on, Thomas! We thought you died.”

Luna’s hint of an Irish accent deepens whenever she’s mad.

“No you didn’t. I live across the hall, numpty. You’ve seen lights on.”

“My point still stands. Don’t fucking do that.”

“Sorry.”

“So what have you been-“

“Want to go out tonight? You can bring Ginny if you want.”

“Er, sure. She’s got practice tonight and she usually just crashes atAngelina’s after because it’s closer, so it’ll just be you me and Shay.”

God. It stings. He wants to cry. He hates himself. He wants to punch something. A thousand more emotions hit him at once and Dean locks them away, and his voice is flat when he speaks.

“Shay isn’t coming.”

“Why?”

“I’ll be round at eight okay?”

“Dean Malcom Thomas. Talk to me.”

“I’m going back to bed, Lune. I’ll see you at eight?”

“I’m mad at you.”

“Bu I’ll see you at eight?”

“….I’ll see you at eight.”

He didn’t lie to her. Satisfied, naked, Dean falls back onto the bed. It’s hours later when his text tone pulls him out of sleep.

Luna: What the hell happened with you two?

Dean starts to type

Dean: We got drunk at the club in Greece, and we were trying to get me laid, or at least someone to make out with. Shay kissed me because we couldn’t find anyone, and then I kissed him. Then we sucked each other off. Then he fucked me. And I liked it. Then he left me. Then I got drunk and called him a whore when he came back and I don’t think he’s ever going to talk to me again-ok?

He hits the backspace button so fast his phone glitches for a second. Then he types again.

Dean: had a massive blow up. I think we’re done. Shay hasn’t talked to me since. And I don’t care.

Luna: Yes you do.

Dean: Sure. Look, I just want to get drunk and find a girl tonight, okay? Can we focus on that?

Luna sends him an excessive amount of the eye roll emojis, and the rest of the afternoon passes in the same haze he’d been living in. Around 7, Dean takes the time to pick out his clothes carefully, settling on a royal blue sport coat, white button up and dark jeans. He expects Luna to berate him for his outfit choice, but when he knocks on her door, it flies open and her arms are around him instantly. Dean would normally resist, pull away even, but he just accepts the affection, gently hugging her back. He’d forgotten how nice human contact could be.

“What was that for?” He asks as he lets her go. Dean tries to smile at her but he knows it looks fake.

“You needed it, mate. After everything that happened.”

“I told you. I don’t care about Shay.”

Luna raises an eyebrow.

“I was talking about Lavender.”

Dean looks away from her.

“Oh. Right. Well I’ve ordered a car it should be here so-“

“Right.”

Luna stands next to him at the bar. They’re about three shots in.

“You look hot by the way.” She says this as she plays with the lapel on his jacket. The compliment surprises Dean and he smiles at her for real this time.

“Really?”

She rolls her eyes.

“Yes, Thomas. If I wasn’t with someone, I’d pity fuck you.”

He laughs, and she does too. He’d asked her for that once, when he was really drunk the first year of Uni and it’d turned into a sort of in joke. Dean takes a long swig of his beer.

“So….you on your own in the apartment?”

Dean won’t ask about him. Not directly. Luna nods.

“Shay hasn’t been round, no. Asked me to tell him when you were going to be out.”

He ignores that and how much that hurts.

“So Gin isn’t moving in?”

“Er….no. She can’t afford it. Neither can I really, on my own. If I can’t find someone I might have to move.”

That surprises Dean. They hardly live anywhere extravagant. Dean preferred it that way, though Lavender had been harping him to move somewhere nicer after the wedding. He didn’t need much, not really, and even though his stepdad always paid for everything, Dean didn’t like to take advantage of that, even when he should. An idea pops into his head before he can stop himself.

“Let me.”

Luna scoffs, not understanding.

“What, drunkie?”

Dean grabs her hand.

“Its er-partially my fault you don’t have a roommate now, and it’s definitely my fault you lost your first one at least. Let me pay your rent. Please. It’ll make me feel better.”

Luna laughs.

“You’re the strangest person I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Dean throws his arms out in front of him.

“What?”

“You’re going to sugar daddy my lesbian relationship because you feel bad?”

“Yeah.”

“And you don’t see what’s weird about that?”

Luna does another one of the shots set in front of them.

“Only you saying the word ‘daddy’.”

Luna chokes on the shot and coughs, glaring at him. Dean pats her back.

“Sorry, mate.”

“You should be.”

He flags the bartender for water before turning towards her again.

“So will you let me or no?”

She raises her eyebrows.

“You serious? This isn’t just drunk Dean talking?”

Dean thrusts his arms forward and dramatically mimics a sobriety test.

“I’m not that drunk. But I am that serious.”

“Dean!”

She presses a kiss to his cheek.

“Normally I wouldn’t let you…but god, I want to live with my girlfriend. Ooh. Sorry.”

Luna’s eyes grow large as she realizes what she’s said. Dean shrugs.

“Don’t be. But I’m serious. Seriously.”

Luna’s face breaks out into a grin.

“I’m gonna go call her and tell her the good news. Also…” She jerks her head slightly to the right. “It’s looking like I’ll see you in the morning. Let me know if you need clean up crew.”

Dean laughs as she walks away. He sips on his beer for maybe 30 seconds before new company joins him.

She’s gorgeous. He hates himself for noticing how similar she looks to Lavender, but this girl’s hair is cropped short and her lips are fuller. She smiles at him and Dean notices her eyes are a lot kinder than Lav’s hand been in years.

“Hi.”

She’s American. That surprises him.

“Hi.”

“Um…was that your girlfriend?”

She’s bold. Drunkenly bold, she glances over at her group of friends and they all giggle. Dean smiles, feeling anticipation build in his stomach.

“No. Not at all. She’s on her way to call her girlfriend.”

“Oh. Great. I’m Rowan.”

“Dean.”

“Hi Dean.” She smiles, getting just a touch closer to him.

“Hi.”

“You can buy me a drink now, if you want.”

Dean laughs.

“Well I think I want to, but it depends on something.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you as fun as you are pretty?”

She blushes but laughs.

“Definitely.”

“Then, definitely.”

Rowan’s lips tickle his neck as Dean fumbles with his keys in the doorway.

“You live alone?”

She says this between kisses, sucking a hickey on his neck.

“….yeah.”

They open the door and Dean barely gets it shut behind him before Rowan’s all over him. She’s practically climbing the front of him, and Dean takes the hint, lifting her up easily. She’s so little, she about the same shape as someone else who had recently wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist. A groan escapes him at the memory, and Rowan smiles against his lips. Dean grabs her jean covered ass as they walk into the bedroom, and when Dean falls back onto the bed, he gropes her breasts through her blouse. As Rowan gets settled on top of him, Dean’s hands run up the back of it and undo her bra, slipping his hands up through the front of her shirt after. She moans into his mouth as his thumbs graze her nipples and Dean bites her bottom lip in return. He massages her breasts as she undoes the buttons on his shirt, and he moves his arms to pull off his jacket and shirt. Rowan pulls her own shirt off, flinging her bra aside, and Dean tries not to show disappointment. He liked undressing women, the moment of anticipation just before you get to see her...it’s like magic. He notices her pale chest is dotted with beauty marks, and it’s endearing. He traces a finger over one of them and she shivers.

Rowan climbs onto his lap and kisses him greedily, gyrating against him as she kisses down his neck again. Dean pushes back up towards her, moaning, but uh....

It’s not working. He’s only half hard. And Dean knows Rowan notices.

“Sorry, ‘m a little drunk.”

He says this against her lips and she smiles.

“I can fix that. Lay back.”

Her telling him what to do does make his hips twitch.

“You don’t have to...”

She pushes him on his back and starts kissing down his neck, down his chest, and she sucks a hickey on his hip before answering.

“I want to, yeah? I bet your dick is huge.”

She’s trying to be sexy, but it just makes feel gross to have her talk to him like that-still, Dean grins at her as she starts to take off his pants and briefs, watching, propped up on his elbows.

“You American girls are different, yeah?”

She licks a stripe on the underside of his cock and smiles at the immediate effect of it.

“Oh, you have no idea, baby.”

Baby.

Dean groans again at the memory of Seamus instead of what Rowan is doing to him now. It’s just dark enough and her hair is short and dark-Dean’s mind slips easily back to Greece, to Shay calling him baby-Shay swallowing all of him .Rowan’s pace is quicker and...wetter, but it works. Dean closes his eyes and loses himself, growing harder and harder until--

“Do you have a condom?”

“Nightstand.”

He stays on his back as she goes to find one, giving his cock a few pumps with her hand before she puts it on him. He feels himself soften at her touch but he thinks of Shay and fixes his problem. God, what the fuck was his problem? This absolutely stunning girl absolutely desperate for him, sucking him off, and Dean has to think about getting fucked by his best friend to stay hard?

Maybe...maybe he liked men.

It’s the first time he lets himself think that, really, soberly and truthfully, and Dean knows its true. He wasn’t not attracted to Rowan, it was just-there was a large part of him, larger than he’d known actually, that wanted to be taken care of. Used. Praised. And he wanted a man-Seamus preferably, but he’d bungled that quite nicely-to do that to him.

If only he hadn’t had this realization with a woman on his lap. Rowan’s trying to fuck herself on his cock, but it’s not going to happen-and they both know it.

“Dean?”

“Can you uh-can you get off of me?”

She does, looking at him strangely.

“You okay?”

Dean breaks eye contact, looking over the side of the bed for his underwear

“I uh--no. Sorry. I think you should go.”

She makes a noise of surprise.

“Seriously?”

Is she annoyed? Dean glances at her. She’s definitely annoyed. In the light from his lamp that he’s turned on, she’s not nearly as pretty as she looked in the bar. Though that might be her personality.

“....yeah.”

“You won’t even like, go down on me or something? I only have two more nights in London.”

That annoys him.

“Am I a tourist attraction?”

She ignores him, putting her clothes back on in a huff.

“Thanks for nothing.”

“Anytime.”

That pisses her off.

“What, are you gay or something?”

“I-”

Dean laughs, even though it’s not funny.

“I think so, actually. Yeah.”

She walks away,not looking back, but Dean doesn’t care. For once, someone was leaving because it was what he wanted. Dean could get used to getting what he wanted. When he hears his front door slam, he grabs his phone,opens his messages with Shay and starts to type.

Dean: I’m sorry. I miss you. I want you

He hits delete.

Dean: I just tried to fuck a girl and all I could think about was you

Delete

Dean: will you come over and fuck me? we don’t even have to look at each other.

Delete

Dean: I just want to kiss you again.

That’s it. That’s whats so brilliantly pathetic about all of this. Dean wants affection, tenderness, softness from Shay. The opposite of everything he deserves. He deletes the message from his phone and closes it. He sighs and falls back onto the pillows after pulling his briefs back on, glad Rowan left him alone with his thoughts. Even if he can’t get what he wants, at least Dean can get some sleep. Despite it all, he smiles slightly to himself. He was right-picking up a girl did make him feel a little better. Just not in the way he had expected.

#drabble #:/#luna #rowan #seamus #au

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life-in-a-labrynth · 4 years ago

Text

This is going to be kind of ridiculous, and I shouldn't preface all of my journal entries that begin that way. I'm so self-conscious. Sorry about that.

But so I... somehow got onto the topic of noise-canceling headphones. I think I was simply curious about how they work and wanted a deeper understanding. After reading up on sound waves and inverse frequencies, I must have thought of how a colleague of mine wears noise-canceling headphones. I thought it was odd he should wear them around the office. Surely he wasn't just listening to music all the time?

And the wikipedia entry mentioned how some people wear them to hear others better. And I thought that they may be a godsend, because *I* have trouble hearing people. It used to drive my ex Angela crazy. And I'm wondering now, when did this start?

When did I become insecure about asking people to repeat themselves? Or feeling self-conscious that sometimes, I kind of smile and nod, and there's a delay in what people tell me to my understanding them. A few moments later I'll say to them "oh oh oh THAT, yes, of course".

That can't be a technical glitch, can it? It's a disability. I have ADD. It's likely been with me my whole life. I may be on the autism spectrum. It's a troubling and excessively depression thing to grapple with. One I've tried to deny for many years. And am still denying. Please note that denial doesn't necessarily signal whether a thing is true or not, even though it has those connotations.

Spoken like a true person in denial, heh. But it's crushing me, because what does it all come down to? That I feel like an unlovable freak. That I feel inferior to others. Just some big retard, am I right? And oh yes, you know this was amplified by me having my heart broken by Dawn. Fucking cunt.

I'm still in so much pain from it. I hope I can escape it soon. But dealing with this is just bringing everything back up to the forefront. Not sure what to do. What CAN I do, but accept this?

Okay so, I tried calling a hearing clinic. I left a message to book an appointment to get to the bottom of things. One thing, I remember that I got my ears cleaned out a few years ago and it DEFINITELY did improve my hearing. Whether it improved how well I understood people is a different matter entirely. It didn't.

When did I get them cleaned? I can't remember exactly, but it was around the time that I met a girl named Alyssa, because I met her at the clinic where I had it done, and was so bold as to ask her for her number. I did it on impulse. It worked. Go me.

So anyway, this was after Trump was elected and I vowed to take a break from all social media and news. And I remember feeling bummed out because I wanted to hang out with Alyssa, but her and her friend (Mary?) were down at the shore, and were texting me. And for one reason or another I became defensive and suspicious of them, like they were only texting me to tease me, and I felt left out and unloved, and... it's very toxic, in retrospect.

But I remember them texting me while I was reading Lord of the Rings, or some other book I wanted to catch up on in lieu of my usual distractions. Oh right, it was Fellowship of the Ring, probably around the time that Frodo and the gang nearly got eaten by trees that put them to sleep with some kind of sonorous sound.

Sorry for the aside, I think little derails like that are funny. So anyway, I got my ears cleaned around then, and it must have been around late November, early December 2016. I asked out Angela in March 2017. So are we to say that only after 3 months, my ears again became so clogged, that I had trouble hearing her for that reason?

No. It's a cognitive disorder. And I'm holding onto hope that it's unrelated to autism. Though the fact that I DO have diagnosed ADD can't be a coincidence. It must be co-morbid with that.

As an aside, my ears ARE mad clogged again, and I need to get them cleaned out. I blame scuba diving last May. Bla-glock.

Okay, so, now what? I think I only wanted to write this entry because I was getting distressed about god damn Dawn again. If I were to get diagnosed with some kind of autism (unlikely that they would even venture a diagnosis like that, but nevertheless), I would have to keep it as my most guarded secret.

I'm a quirky person, that's out the debate. Cunt even told me, after demeaning me, that I'm just quirky and a big weirdo but she loved me anyway. It's tough to not see her as sinister, but I don't think it so. I've never thought she acted with malice when she criticized me, then felt bad, and tried to make me feel better by saying it didn't matter, because she still loved me.

I shouldn't have listened to her. "Love" was meaningless, because by that point, she already knew we weren't going to work out. And tried to bullshit me (and herself), two months later, by saying "well I mean I DO love you, I just don't think we'll work out". Or she tried to pretend there's a middle ground between romantic love and platonic love. I'm not buying it.

I shouldn't be dwelling on this. It's just making me stressed out and depressed. But what else can I do? I feel like there's more to explore here. I brushed against it above. Where my mind might now be finally ready to accept that Dawn isn't some villain. I mean... I already know that. It's just, it's so much easier for me, emotionally, to paint her that way.

Next step? Realizing that all her criticisms were founded, oh stop! Bullshit, Dan, don't go back there. I'm not re-litigating this. She's a crazy bitch, her judgments of me were fictional, and there's something seriously wrong with her.

Yeah, there were certain times we didn't see eye-to-eye, but the way she busted my balls over it was uncalled for and disproportional. Fuck, man. Thoughts flooding back. That whole "u are teh autistic/adhd/whatever the fuck" conversation was spawned because she just told me that my trip was "comically poorly planned". And criticized me for not listening to her. And making a mountain out of a molehill. And ignoring counter-facts to what she said, i.e. confirmation bias.

Ugh. I feel ill. Okay, let's pull back. I just need to know I'm not some unloveable freak for the way I am. Okay, Dan, why don't you pose that question to other people you've met? No one else thinks that. Do you REALLY think that all the girls you've went on dates with, think that? Do you think Laura thought that way? How about Mary? How about Tinder Travel Girl? How about Jackie? How about Jewish Pizza girl?

Mehhh, you're not wrong, but they didn't get to know me deeply.

Look, if you were some unlovable freak by the way you keep painting yourself out to be, don't you think they would have noticed pretty quickly upon meeting you? Instead of being charmed by you? Laura had a whole week to lose interest, and not look really disappointed when you told her that you didn't want to date her.

Jackie, Jamie, that girl who took you home and had a dog... why did all these girls jump your bones on the first date? You're just such an unlovable freak, Dan! All the true blue sweaty neckbeards living in their basements would kill to have that kind of body count. You think incels are unlovable bastards? They only get that way from telling themselves that, otherwise they'd be perfectly normal people. YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

Do you think Elisabeth thought you were some unlovable freak? (wish I hadn't fucked that up, sigh). Elisabeth was highly intelligent - hell, read her blog! So why do you want to take the opinion of a dumbass like Dawn, whose criticisms will collapse under scrutiny?

Sigh. Okay, you're right. I feel better. I really do need to keep Elisabeth in mind way more. She's highly respectable, intelligent, empathic... just an all around great person. So if she wanted to keep dating you, then what does that tell you? Forget about Dawn, she's an idiot, good for her, NEXT.

Okay, good. I feel better now.

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