#i know that's an overreaction but my work ethic is fucking shit for the fact i've been an honors student since... what like 1st grade?

[emmebearpaw]

i'm going to explode im going to explode im going to explode

[wilsonsnest]

winter, Sweetheart - VII

A moment we’ve all been waiting for. Riley meets Sam. Steve meets Bucky. Tony is reasonably upset about hiding a supersoldier assassin in his basement.

warnings: hurt/comfort, trauma, bad medical practices

“Just so we’re clear.” Tony says with his arms folded over his chest, looking quite skeptically at the sight in front of him. He doesn’t look at Riley, even as he addresses him. “We have one half toe co-dependent ex-assassins staying in our basement and that was totally cool with everyone? Interesting that none of them are here to deal with this if he decides to return to his day-job.”

Riley glances at him, his mind still trying to wrap his head around what was happening enough that he wasn’t as offended as he should be. To be honest, Tony was probably the last person to be qualified to deal with this problem. Natasha, Steve, hell, probably even Clint knew more about Hydra’s whole deal than Tony Stark. But they were all pretty indisposed at the moment. Steve ran off to try and track Bucky, Natasha was still dealing with the fallout of Project Insight’s destruction.

Riley let out a long sigh before looking back at the make-shift room where Sam was currently staying. The storage room had been cleared of weapons, and converted into a holding room for their incoming guest. There was a bed,  a light-switch that could be activated from inside or outside the room and sterile white walls. Other than the transparent blue field that let them see Sam, but Sam couldn’t see them. It probably wasn’t the most ethical thing in the world, but they were kind of rushed for time. Natasha had said the situation was pretty dire.

And it had been. Riley had been on the Quinjet when they arrived in Romania. Sam had passed out, and he looked practically on the verge of death. Trying to move him had resulted in him whimpering and curling into himself until they gave him a sedative and quickly loaded him up. Riley hadn’t been more than a foot away from Sam at any time until they got to Avenger’s Tower.

He had taken some time to collect himself, paced on his floor (Tony had insisted that he needed a floor), debated calling Mama Wilson, realized that was actually he worst thing to do before Tony finally called him down to where Sam was.

Now the both of them are just observing, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It all seemed way too easy. Sam was lying on the bed, stiff as a board and staring up at the ceiling. If he sensed them, he didn’t acknowledge it, and if he was upset or confused he didn’t show it. To be honest, his behavior was frightening. Compliant in a way that seemed inhuman. At least the times they had fought, Sam had been determined to kill him.

Riley hears Tony suck in air throw his teeth. He’s flustered, but Riley can tell he’s also concerned. While Stark hadn’t been involved in the Exo-7 Falcon project, Rhodes knew about it. And when Rhodes was concerned about something, Tony got concerned about something. It was sort of sweet.

“Nat said the Winter Soldier,” Riley can’t quite bring himself to call him Bucky or James or whatever. “left him on purpose.”

“Yes, and the purpose could be homicide, but what do I know.” Tony mutters irritably. He reaches up to scratch is beard. “Just looking out for the health and safety of the two of who actually stayed behind and oh, the entire population of New York if he gets loose.”

Riley knows that Tony is just overreacting because he doesn’t know what else to do, but its starting to grate at his nerves. “I don’t think he’s really in much of a state to be a threat.”

Oh yeah, he’s totally adorable and harmless.” Tony rolls his eyes. But then something softens in his gaze and his shoulders slump a little as they watch Sam. “Anyway. If I’m going to take a look at his damage, one of us has gotta get him talk. Wing-packs? Easy. This,” He whistles low. “I may have to brush up my cyber-bionic neurology.”

“Yeah, right.” Riley says, only half listening. “Can I talk to him?”

“I mean you can try.” Tony gestures toward the blue transparent field. He says Sam should just see another blank wall where they are, but theres really no way to tell just what enhancements he has. “Just walk on through, Birdman. You’re all bio-coded up.”

It’s a testament to how focused Riley is that he doesn’t even throw tony a look over the nickname. Maria Hill suggested the codename as a joke and now its made the rounds. He’ll worry about changing it before it gets to the press after he figures out how to get his best friend back.

He takes a deep breath, shifts nervously from one foot to the other before walking forward. He’s trying not to shake, trying to access the calm, laser-tight focus he had during missions. It’s not really working. He’s seen some shit in his time, but nothing like this. He almost freezes as a brief flash of memory appears in his mind. Sam, digging his claws into Riley’s chest, his face blank and void of recognition.

He forces himself through the barrier and into the room before he can panic. Tries to remember the breathing exercises that his therapist showed him, takes a look at Sam’s face and immediately forgets. His heart is pounding against his chest, and it hurts to even look at him like this. He looks so similar to the day he fell, painfully young, though the bags under his eyes tell a different story.

He steps closer, purposely making his footsteps loud as to not alarm Sam. He readies himself for an attack, but it doesn’t come. In fact, Sam doesn’t even seem to register is presence at first. He waits for a moment, unsure and to his relief Sam makes the first move. The other man turns his head, looking back to be able to see Riley peripherally. His face is fixed impassively, but Riley can see the slightest twitching his eyes as he analyzes him. He feels like a bug under a magnifying glass, and despite Sam’s sickness, he’s the one who feels powerless.

“Hey, Sam.” Riley starts off soft and gentle. He doesn’t like the dynamic of standing above Sam, and he slowly takes a knee. He’s sure Tony is probably freaking out, but putting Sam at ease is the most important thing right now. “You….” His mouth feels dry. “You don’t know me, do you?”

Sam’s face doesn’t move, and for a brief second their eyes lock until Sam’s gaze drifts away. Riley swallows, and he feels heat prickling the back of his neck. He isn’t sure what he wants to hear. If Sam does know him, it means he’s tried to kill him twice on purpose. He doesn’t know which possibility is worse.

When Sam says nothing, Riley finds himself overcome with emotion. Keeping it together is impossible, and his body shakes as tears begin to well up in his eyes.

“Samuel Wilson,” The last time Riley’s said his name like that was the day they met. He isn’t crying, but its a sure thing soon. “Y’know, when I first heard your name I knew you’d be the most stuck-up, stickler for rules in the world. Then you introduced yourself, had this dumb smile and said ‘call me Sam’. You were so fucking nice, I was pretty sure you were doomed.”

It’s so fatalistic now, that Riley sort of hates his past self for even jokingly thinking it. He pauses, searching Sam’s face for any sign of recognition. He nearly chokes on his own gasp when Sam slowly sits up, turning to face Riley on the bed. His face hasn’t changed, but now he’s watching Riley with rapt attention.

“Turns out you were the best of us. You got into the program because you wanted to save people. The rest of us dummies just wanted to do something crazy.” He’s saying too much, but he’s hoping that anything will spark some recognition. He doesn’t care if he has to sit here and tell training stories for days if it means Sam remembers something. “The other six dropped out, but I knew I wanted to stay with your noble ass. Knew we’d do something great together, or at the very least I’d stop you from doing something stupid.” Tears are falling now, and he doesn’t care. “I did save your ass a few times, and you saved me. I just couldn’t… “

He takes a deep breath, he feels shattered and stripped bare. He wants to scream, he wants to run but Sam’s looking at him and it has to mean something. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

Sam tilts his head, very slowly, as if he is considering Riley for the first time. Theres a new light in his eyes, and he squints at him. His hands move from where they were at his side, and move to his lap, twitching like he wants to twist them together. Everything movement he makes is so careful, and calculating.

Like he’s a machine.

No. It’s not that at all.

Like he’s afraid.

“Riley.” Sam says the word like it’s foreign, like his lips and tongue have never made those sounds before. Sadness turns to anger and it burns sourly in Riley’s stomach. “I used to have wings like yours. They,” He moves his hands apart. “Come off.”

“Yeah, Sammy, they could.” Riley whispers, his voice cracking slightly. He hasn’t quite seen the extent of the damage done to Sam’s back, but he knows it’s not pretty. “They weren’t anything like,” It takes him a second, the anger making him bite out. “Whatever those Hydra bastards did to you.”

Sam suddenly sits up straight, his hands curl into fists on his thighs. “The Falcon.” It’s almost a whisper, like he’s suddenly remembered something.

Riley’s brows knit together. “You remember the Exo-7 Falcon program..”

Sam cuts him off. “No, that’s what they did.” His eyes are very far away. But then he looks at Riley, his brown eyes no longer vacant, he looks haunted. “I am The Falcon. I need to be with The Soldier. I need to-“

He stops suddenly with a moan and brings a hand to his head. Riley scrambles over to him on his knees, no longer caring about the potential backlash of his sudden movements. He reaches out and puts a steadying hand on Sam’s knee, trying to soothe, trying to understand.

“I’m The Falcon.” Sam whispers, he grinds the heel of his palm into his forehead and leans forward. “No, I’m Sam.” Beads of sweat begin to appear on his forehead and he shakes his head. “I’m Sweethe-“

He slumps forward, and Riley catches him before he can slide off the bed. He pulls Sam into his lap, tremblings hand feeling his forehead. His eyes are tightly closed, and he starts to shake in Riley’s arms.

“Tony!” Riley calls out, and he finds he’s too upset to try and get them both up. He hears the soft hiss of the forcefield deactivating and hears Tony coming for them. He just holds onto Sam, and cries. He’s so much lighter in Riley’s arms than he should be.

xxx

“You caught up to me.” Bucky whispers it out to the water, doesn’t urn around to look at Steve. He’s known since he left Bucharest that the other man has been following him, and he’s known since the beginning of this week they’d end of meeting soon. Steve was giving him time to get his head together before approaching. Sweet sentiment, but misplaced if he thought it would take a few months to get this all back together. He’s only just convinced himself that calling himself Bucky actually feels okay.

He’s led them to a small abandoned dock near a fishing village in Spain. The sun is setting over the water, and it’s almost peaceful. He likes it here the best of all the places he’s been so far. Theres a small community Bucky has integrated himself into. The people here don’t ask questions. He speaks their language and buys plenty from the locals. One grandmother has been letting him stay in her barn in exchange for letting the cow and goats out in the morning.

That’s all over with now.

He takes a deep breath as he hears Steve get closer, stopping a few feet away. He wonders if it’s because Steve is nervous, or if he thinks Bucky is nervous. It could be some of both, really.

“I knew where you were the whole time, Buck.” Steve confesses quietly as if Bucky didn’t know that. “Just figured I’d give you some space.”

But not too much.

“Following me to make sure I don’t kill anyone?” Bucky tries for lighthearted, but he just sounds tired. He’s sure he used to be better at making jokes.

“Natasha told me you don’t do that anymore.” Steve says, and of course that was all he needed. Bucky supposes she would know best. “I would have waited for you to come to me..” He trails off, uncertain.

Bucky frowns and considers that. Suddenly, a shiver runs down his spine and his breath catches in his throat. He turns to face Steve so quickly he has to catch himself. He carefully schools to his face to hide the growing panic he feels. Right, theres only one reason why Steve would come to him like this. “It’s Swe- Sam. What happened? Is he okay?” His questions are clipped, and he’s trying to hide the fear in his voice.

It’s obviously not working, as Steve raised his hands placatingly. He looks worried, but the heavy weariness of someone who delivers fatalistic news isn’t present. Bucky relaxes. Marginally.

“He’s in bad shape, Buck.” Steve admits, and lowers his hands. “Tony thinks he can help him, if he knows what he’s dealing with. “His face scrunches a little like he’s trying to remember something difficult. “Hydra did some crude work creating, uh, making his brain work with his wings. People wren’t meant to have wings, so they just,” Steve winces as he continues. “Hot-wired his brain essentially.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches and his hands curl into fists at his side. Of course, giving something a prosthetic arm was one thing, but they gave Sam something he was never meant to have. He remembers Sam stumbling in the field like a baby bird, each time because of course his brain didn’t know what to do with itself. He wonders how many people’s brains they took apart before they could get it to stay.

“If we can find the plans, any plans. Any information at all about how they did it. Tony can help Sam.” Steve sounds so sure and determined. It tickles something familiar in the back of Bucky’s brain that he quickly files away. Theres no time for that when Sweetheart needs him.

“I know where they are.” Bucky says as he walks toward Steve. “I’ll get them for you.”

“Wait!” Steve grasps Bucky’s shoulder before he can pass. Steve lets him go before Bucky can grab him and throw him to the ground. Instead the ex-assassin raises his fists, a hard glint in his eye. “Sorry, Bucky, sorry. I just.. I’ll go with you. I don’t want you to go alone.”

Bucky’s lip curls into sneer. “Afraid I’ll revert back?”

“No.” Steve says patiently, his eyes are wide and imploring. So fucking honest. “No, I don’t want you seeing anything that might upset you and have to go through it alone. I want to help you and I want to help Sam.”

Bucky stares at him for a long time. Steve’s blue eyes are earnest and steady. Bucky recognizes that he can’t trust him, not really, but he kind of wants to. At least this gives him a direction, a task. He can figure the rest out later. Besides. “Fine. I know you’ll just show up there anyway.” He rolls his eyes and stalks off. “Let’s go.”

[xuxisbbymami]

Psych 101~ Lesson 2

Lesson 1

Masterlist

Warnings- swearing, mentions of sex and Lucas being a butthole

Word Count- 1.2k (be proud) 🙃

A/N- sorry it’s been forever my family and friends have been ass lately so I’ve been uninspired BUTTTTTT lesson 3 is already written and I have something in my drafts I might publish later this week💖

You walk into the library the second 1:14 became 1:15. In fact you got there around 1:10 and waited outside the library.

You walk around the library and look for Lucas.

I know he’s not late to his own tutoring session. The tutoring I so graciously squeezed in for him.

You start to get agitated as your search for him in your massive seems futile. You’re about to leave and look for him to curse him out when you spot him at a table in the back straightening his books and reorganizing his notes. You sigh and walk over to him.

“You’re not late. That’s a good start”. You pull out the chair next to and sit as you pull out your own notes. “So what are you having trouble with” you ask will getting a good look at him. You can see why every girl wants to be fucked by him. Not that you want to. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, “Everything”.

You scoff, “Lucas we just started how are you lost with everything”.

“It’s just that when I saw psych 101 I thought it’s just a stupid elective you know? It was easy last semester you know? It felt like an elective class but Tuck threw a lot of stuff at as today and if today is just the beginning there’s no way I’m passing this class without some help”

You pull out your laptop and pull up your teacher’s website, “Lucky for us Professor Tuck puts everything on his website. The lecture, videos for extra help, extra credit assignments, everything. Just take everything a little at a time. Study everyday after class and before you go to sleep trust me it helps”

He smiles at you and you two start to go over today’s lesson

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Thanks again y/n you’re a lifesaver”.

You’re both packing away your things and getting ready to leave.

“It’s nothing just don’t forget to look over what we reviewed. Text me if you’re having problems”. As you’re turning to leave he gets your attention. “Y/n I just- how are you like this? I don’t know anyone else in our year that’s like you. You’re so organized and focused. I just- teach me your ways”?

You laugh a little. People at school (besides teachers) rarely compliment you on your work ethic. They admire it and are jealous of it but they never really praise you for it. You check your phone to see it’s 2:30. Your next tutoring session doesn’t start until 3. You decide you can sit and chat for a bit. You sit down again as you speak, “I took this class in high school and I’m like everyone else. I just have my priorities straight.”

He shakes his head, “You’re nothing like everyone else. Everyone is focused on drinking, partying and hooking up. I bet you’ve never done things like that. What do you even do for fun?”

You get a little offended. He basically thinks I’m a Mormon great. You ignore his first statement, “I love watching movies. It helps me unwind and lets me feel like I get to live someone’s life.”

“You call that fun y/n? What kind of life are you living”? He laughs.

Now you might be overreacting but he did assume you’re a virgin who’s never tried drugs or gotten drunk AND he’s basically insulting your life after you spent an hour plus going over basic material for a simple elective class. You sarcastically laugh back, “You do realize there’s more to college than partying and having sex with anything that breathes right? You do realize that there’s life after college and some people, like me, are just preparing for it.”

“I get that it’s just that even nerds have stress relievers. They take out their stress and frustration with alcohol or video games I guess. You’re reeling me all you do is study and watch movies. Seems a bit boring”

“I’m sorry if I’m boring to you but luckily it’s none of your business. We attend one of the greatest schools in the nation how did you even get in let alone survive freshmen year? I bet you cheated your way here and relied on people like me. You probably heard that I’m really smart and saw me as an easy way to an A. Well you’re sadly mistaken Yukhei”.

He starts to get mad. “Really y/n you believe those stupid rumors about me? I worked to get here and I worked to stay. You should know more than anyone that rumors aren’t reliable sources of information”. He’s pissed that even someone as antisocial as you has heard rumors about him and he’s disappointed that you believe them and see him as nothing more than a stupid fuckboy.

You shrug, “All rumors have some truth to them even if it’s only a little”.

“People say you’re heartless and that you have no feelings or emotions. They compare you to Joseph fucking Stalin for God’s sake. You’re telling me that has some truth to it? I call bullshit. You’re not what they say you are and I’m not exactly what they say either. You’re actually a nice and generous person. You’re just really intimidating.”

You roll your eyes, “First of all I couldn’t give less of a shit what people say about me. And yes to people that don’t know me I do appear inhuman and you want to compare me to you? What they say about you is probably 100% true. I know you use girls for sex and then pretend they don’t exist. I’ve heard the stories everyone has.”

“I-.” He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t deny what you said about him. He did fuck girls and then dip. “Whatever y/n believe what you want”.

“Oh and let me guess you major in something easy like psychology even though you’re ass at it. That’s how you made it this far”. You are probably taking it a bit too far but he’s acting like he knows you after talking to each other for the first time today. He acts so offended because you got all your information about him from rumors when he most likely did the same thing. AND HE CALLLED YOU BORING.

“Forensic psychology and let me guess you probably major in something like political science or economics. That explains the stick up your ass. I bet you’re a virgin. I’m willing to bet you’ve never even came before. You’re such a fucking prude. Here I am thinking you’re not that bad but you’re right rumors do stem from the truth”.

You’re absolutely done with him now. You get up and prepare to leave, “You know what? This has nothing to do with psychology. I decided to help and make room for you in my very busy schedule because I figured you’re a moron and need all the help you can get as soon as possible. Good luck finding another tutor”. You storm out the library door surprised to see no one had heard your argument. You look at the time to see you only have 10 minutes before your next tutoring session.

Shit! I’m going to late.

You run to the parking lot get in your car and speed to the local high school you’re tutoring at.

Fucking Yukhei. I used my time tutoring his dumbass when I could’ve been resting. Now I’m going to be exhausted.

You dramatically sigh and get out your car. You put on a big smile and prepare to prep these high schoolers juniors for their act.

[the-desolated-quill]

Cold War - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Here we go again with another Mark Gatiss episode and it always pains me whenever I have to slag him off. I’m a big League of Gentlemen fan and Gatiss has done sterling work with them over the years, but the sad fact of the matter is the stuff he does outside of the League just isn’t very good. His first Doctor Who episode, The Unquiet Dead, was decent but flawed, The Idiot’s Lantern was a ripoff of Little Shop Of Horrors except with none of the charm, Victory of The Daleks was utter crap, and Night Terrors just bored the pants off me. Now here we are with Cold War, and I wish I could say this was the episode where Gatiss finally pulls out all the stops to give us the magnificent Doctor Who story we’ve all been waiting for, but sadly it’s yet another dud I’m afraid.

By far the biggest problem with Cold War is its total lack of originality. An Ice Warrior gets loose aboard a Russian submarine and it’s a fight for survival as the Doctor tries to reason with the alien and save the crew. Yep, this is yet another base under siege story, and it goes through all the cliches. The Doctor meekly trying to persuade the villain to show mercy, the crew splitting up to search for a solution, the monster picking them off one by one, and so on. I’ve seen this kind of story done so many times in Doctor Who now that I was practically nodding off halfway through it. 

Cold War also borrows liberally from other sci-fi stories, the most obvious being Alien, but there’s also elements from other Doctor Who stories too, such as the multiple Silurian stories where the Doctor tries to persuade two sides to play nice, and Dalek where the last surviving member of a warrior race threatens to destroy all of humanity out of desperation and rage. The problem is the reason Dalek worked so well was because of the Doctor’s long history with the Daleks. A relationship he simply doesn’t have with the Ice Warriors. Plus Cold War shares the same problem as The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood where neither side are given any sort of nuance or depth, and therefore it’s hard to empathise with anyone.

Of course Cold War is significant in that it features the long awaited return of classic series monsters the Ice Warriors. Having heard all of my rants about the Cybermen, the Sontarans and the Silurians, you’re no doubt wondering what I, a veteran Whovian, thought about the Ice Warriors during their heyday.

Yeah, I’ve never really been a fan. Not that they’re bad villains, mind. They’ve had some decent stories in their time. I’ve just never found them to be particularly interesting. The only time I felt the Ice Warriors really came into their own was in the Jon Pertwee era story The Curse Of Peladon. It was a sort of murder mystery plot where an alliance between the Galactic Federation and Peladon was in peril due to someone killing off the delegates. Naturally the Doctor and his companion Jo suspected the Ice Warriors due to their reputation, but then the story pulls the rug out from under us by revealing the true culprit to be the High Priest Hepesh and the realisation that the Ice Warriors really had changed their ways after all. It was a genuinely good twist and opened up a lot of creative possibilities for the Ice Warriors. We’d seen heartless zealots like the Daleks, altruistic foes like the Cybermen and one note pantomime villains like the Master, but we had never seen a monster in Doctor Who that starts out as evil only to realise over the course of the show that what they were doing was wrong and try to make amends. This put the Ice Warriors in an incredibly unique position I feel. One that sadly was never fully capitalised on because in their next and last story, The Monster Of Peladon, the Ice Warriors reverted back to being baddies again.

So what direction does Gatiss take the new, revived Ice Warriors? Are they a morally complex race of warriors trying to make up for past mistakes or boring alien invaders hellbent on world domination?

...

Boring alien invaders hellbent on world domination.

Great! Yeah! God forbid we should do anything interesting with them!

To the episode’s credit, the new Ice Warriors look really cool. Much more high tech and imposing than the classic series ones. And Gatiss does try to address a few discrepancies in Ice Warrior lore, for example how did a race of cold blooded reptiles survive on a cold planet like Mars? But it’s the characterisation that severely lets this episode down. The Ice Warrior just isn’t a very interesting character. They try to make you feel an emotional connection to him by wheeling out the cliched dead daughter, but the character is just too extreme for us to empathise with. One human zaps him with a cattle prod and suddenly he wants to destroy the world, and the only explanation we’re given as to what justifies such an overreaction is some bollocks about Martian code of ethics. Also, didn’t he attack them first? And I had to let out a hollow laugh when the Doctor said the Ice Warrior would have left them alone if they didn’t zap him. Bit naive, wouldn’t you say? The Ice Warriors are many things, but merciful is not one of them.

And it just gets worse when they then commit the cardinal sin of getting the Ice Warrior to come out of its shell. So instead of the tall, imposing Ice Warrior we were promised, we instead get a pair of green rubber gloves gripping people’s faces and the worst CGI face I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s hard to imagine an Ice Warrior being that fast and nimble out of the suit, (not to mention that spindly looking), not just because I’m so used to the Ice Warriors being slow, sluggish brutes, but also because Earth’s gravity is much stronger than Mars’. Shouldn’t the Ice Warrior be a quivering puddle of slime on the floor? And what was the point of the Ice Warrior ‘disassembling’ people to learn human weaknesses. It never comes into play at any point in the episode. Everything about the naked Ice Warrior just feels utterly divorced from anything I’d associate with them to the point where I question why Mark Gatiss would even call it an Ice Warrior. Why not come up with your own alien? Why bring back the Ice Warriors? And I’d prefer a better reason other than ‘it’s the 50th anniversary.’

The human characters are just as bad. Whenever I’ve seen Cold War related stories, it’s usually from the perspective of the Americans. Hardly ever from the Russians. This is an opportunity for Doctor Who to cover new ground here, but they don’t really. The Russians aren’t actually characters. None of them are given any real development, arc or personality of their own. You have the captain who’s... well... the captain, some douchebag who is obsessed with war and gets promptly killed off, and then you’ve got David Warner’s character who we learn absolutely nothing about other than he’s obsessed with Duran Duran. The rest are just pointless redshirts that I don’t give a single shit about. If you’re going to give me a base under siege story, the least you can do is give me interesting characters that I actually care about, otherwise it’s going to be a bit hard to work up any kind of shock or sadness when they do kick the bucket. There’s no tension because I don’t care who lives or dies.

And speaking of tension, that’s another missed opportunity. It’s the Cold War. The world’s on a knife edge. Any spark or conflict could trigger nuclear armageddon. Combine that with the claustrophobic submarine setting and this episode should be brimming with paranoia and nervous tension. But you never get a sense of that, not only because I don’t give a shit about any of the characters, but also because at no point did I feel the weight or scale of what’s happening. Oh sure the Doctor keeps reminding us about the threat of a nuclear apocalypse, but it never feels imminent because none of the characters seem to take the prospect seriously. For one thing, the Russians are very quick to trust the Doctor and Clara despite them mysteriously appearing out of nowhere and could very well be working for the enemy for all they know, and whenever they do talk about the Cold War, it’s very quickly brushed to the side. Well if the characters are’t bothered by the prospect of a nuclear holocaust, why the fuck should I be? Even the finale with the Doctor praying that the Ice Warrior won’t launch the nukes is undermined by Clara randomly singing Hungry Like The Wolf. Strip all the tension out, why don’t you?

The Doctor is at his most ineffectual sadly, reduced to spouting his usual ‘show mercy’ claptrap and waving his sonic screwdriver around, but what annoys me even more is Clara. Not only is she back to her smug self, reducing the potential threat considerably because if she’s not taking it seriously, why should I, but also there’s an opportunity for a good character arc here that Gatiss botches spectacularly. At one point Clara wonders whether she could have handled her first encounter with the Ice Warrior better and at the end is able to use the memory of the Ice Warrior’s daughter to persuade him to leave. This could have been an effective moment had Clara been allowed to speak to the Ice Warrior freely the first time around instead of being reduced to a mouthpiece for the Doctor (why couldn’t the Doctor just talk to the Ice Warrior himself? They never properly explain that). Clara isn’t given any real agency of her own or licence to screw up, so rather than the ending feeling like a personal triumph for Clara as she grows and develops as a character, she’s instead just a convenient out for Gatiss.

And don’t get me started on all the stuff that just didn’t make sense. How can the Russians mistake a frozen humanoid for a mammoth? Why did that guy thaw the Ice Warrior out other than for the sake of plot convenience? Why would a submarine that was only sent on an Arctic expedition be carrying nuclear weapons? Why would the Russians have automatic weapons on a submarine? How is the Ice Warrior able to hide inside the walls of a submarine? How does the Ice Warrior expect to launch a successful nuclear attack from a submarine that’s stranded 700 meters down below sea level? Oh and the Doctor just happened to have been fiddling with the TARDIS off screen, which just happened to make it disappear to the South Pole, leaving them stranded in the submarine? That’s fucking convenient, isn’t it?

I suppose I don’t hate Cold War. It’s competently made and if you’re someone who can’t get enough base under siege stories in Doctor Who, I’m sure it’s possible to enjoy this one provided you switch your brain off beforehand. The only crime this episode commits is that it’s just really, really dull. The story is cliched, the characters are one dimensional, and the potential of the setting is completely wasted. The only noteworthy thing about Cold War is the Ice Warrior and they don’t even do that very well. Overall it’s a very bland and forgettable episode. Maybe one day the Ice Warriors will get an episode that finally realises their full potential, but it isn’t this one.

[anangryally-blog]

I'm very pissed off.

I learned a lot about patience and empathy when I was young.

I remember my mom pulling imaginary patience out of her heart and tossing it to me when she could tell I was low on it. She would toss it across the room and even though it was invisible I could actually feel it working. I’d go from emotional to stable with just a few handfuls. Real, live magic. Of course now I understand it was a placebo effect. This understanding, though disappointing, has given me the confidence to understand my emotions and do my best to control how I react to them. I’m not always good at taking the ‘high road’. I do not always choose to be calm. I argue. I get emotional. Typically I do what most people do - I make a decision and my pride glues me to it no matter how right or wrong it is. The tragedy of being human. But often I struggle to commit to a single belief or side because “what if I’m wrong?” Shouldn’t we all be asking that question? I want so badly to do what’s right but what’s right for me can be wrong for someone else.

At least I know that much.

I’m not sure what to say right now about everything happening in our country. It’s very difficult to remain composed, smart, and thoughtful when you’re simultaneously outraged. I can’t picture my moms handfuls of patience being thrown in my direction and I find it impossible to see the other side. I think I’m right, but what’s right for me might not be right for someone else.

Right?

I’m not so sure anymore. Sometimes there IS a right and a wrong and no grey space in between.

I got labeled a liberal or a democrat or a hippie or whatever else I’ve been told I am because of my focus on people. Had nobody ever thrown those labels at me I’d be hanging out somewhere in the middle. When my dad was a State Representative I’d hear him talk about all the political drama amongst the other reps. He would bring up controversial bills they were going over. Sometimes he’d talk about one and I’d think, “I don’t know what the issue is there, that one seems pretty great.” The republicans are for that one. Oh. “I don’t know what everyone’s whining about with this one, it seems very helpful.” The democrats are for that one. I see.

Sometimes politics obsess over money. Sometimes politics obsess over people. Lately it seems to be obsessing over the need to choose one over the other. This is where my composure gets a bit lost. This is where my label gets put on me. I am a dirty dirty liberal because I choose people. I will always choose people. I sincerely do not understand how I could be wrong here.

I have never been in a position where someone told me I couldn’t do something, until recently when some of my rights became threatened because I am a woman — a rant for another time. Can I get married to the person I love? Yes. Can I go to school? Yes. Can I see a police officer and know he or she will protect me? Pretty confidently. Can I travel the world? Yes. Even despite speaking only one language? Yes.

What would I do if anything in my life was taken from me from a total stranger?

…What would YOU do?

Call me overreactive, but I would be So. Fucking. Angry. If a stranger told me I couldn’t do something that had absolutely nothing to do with his or her life I would want to hurt that person. I would feel violent. Protective. Confused. Misunderstood.

I have the privilege to say, “fuck you, this is my life.” I have the privilege to not NEED to consider these questions. I have the privilege of knowing my family is safe and happy.

I could choose to be silent during times of injustice. I have the privilege of making that choice even though I’m aware that not everyone around me has the same comforts.

But I don’t choose to simmer down.

Because I’m not a piece of shit.

I’m a fucking human and so are you and so are 7 billion others. Seven. Billion. Seven billion adorable, tiny babies have been brought into this world and cried and laughed and grown up.

Not a single one of these 7 billion asked to be here. Not a single one requested to be born into any particular life.

Call me a crazy, illiterate, liberal bitch but my brain cannot grasp how some people think it’s FINE to fuck with another persons life FOR NO REASON.

And don’t give me a single “reason” that has to do with money or a book or petty personal preferences, because if it doesn’t directly affect the roof over your head, the clothes on your back, or the people you love, then it doesn’t fucking matter.

I am sick of being patient, calm, cool, collected, composed, indifferent, and peaceful. I am sick of saying, “Oh woah I’m sorry I forgot to fact check that part of this issue. I didn’t realize it was going to be so detrimental to your livelihood to let a gay man marry the love of his life. I didn’t realize saving boat loads of drowning children from Syria was going to make your house too crowded. It must have escaped me that all your efforts toward helping EVERY kid have a good life is compromised now because so many of them are being aborted. I can’t believe I forgot to think about the effectiveness of a wall while I ignorantly considered putting my tax dollars instead toward free education for all the non-aborted kids. I’m out of line, I’ll go do some more reading.”

Enough of that.

Fuck you guys. Seriously fuck every single person who thinks any of the inhumane things Donald Trump and his supporters are doing is okay. Fuck every single person who has the audacity to say “Liberals want free handouts” as if none of you have ever needed any kind of support EVER in your lives. And if you’ve never needed support then it means you were given hand outs PROBABLY FROM WEALTHY RELATIVES.

I don’t have any patience left because I am educated. Has anyone ever taken a history course? Has anyone ever been taught that history repeats itself? Does nobody care about the parallels between Hitler’s agenda and Trump’s agenda? Has anyone researched psychology? Does anybody know about the Stanford Prison Experiment? Did you comprehend the results and what they told us about human behavior? Have you heard of the phenomenon the “Bystander Effect”?

I don’t have any patience left because I am empathetic and I don’t live in a magical little bubble all by myself. I don’t separate my humanity from the humanity of another human because read those words and recognize how fucking absurd it would be to do that. It’s important to me to occasionally think “what would I ACTUALLY do if I were in their shoes?” Because I am a liberal bitch who is on the right side of history and I’m definitely not going to see a side that promotes oppression and regression.

I don’t have any patience left because I am American and I fucking love what my country was meant to stand for. Remember the statue of liberty? Do you remember where she came from (hint, she is not made in America)? Do you know what she stands for? Remember how we got here? You know how fun it is to go on ancestry.com and find out all the different countries your great great grandparents came from? WE ARE ALL IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES. Do you know the difference between the words UNITED and DIVIDED. Guess which one we chose to put in front of our country? UNITED. Remember?

I don’t feel comfortable living my happy life day to day anymore when so many people are affected by the political corruption. Do our politics not reflect our ethics? So many people keep telling me to forget about the politics. Stop worrying, Have hope. Don’t get so mad at the people you love for supporting different things.

I’m not pissed off at people because they are republican. I’m not pissed off at people because they voted for a candidate they thought would give us palpable, necessary change. I’m not pissed off that people are protective of our borders and of our economy. I’m not pissed off that we keep an eye out for terrorists. I’m not pissed off that people don’t want their hard earned money to go to someone else.

I’M PISSED OFF BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OKAY WITH HURTING OTHER PEOPLE. I’M PISSED OFF BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE PRETENDING SOME OF US ARE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN OTHERS.

I’m not angry about politics. I’m angry about ethics. And I don’t give a fucking shit if we are related by blood or if we have known each other for twenty years or if you volunteer at the animal shelter on the weekends. I don’t want anything to do with anybody at this point who thinks it’s okay that our president is not-so-slowly following in the footsteps of a man who gave us our largest genocide in history. I don’t want anything to do with anybody who thinks it’s okay to prevent me from getting birth control or from stopping an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t want anything to do with anybody who thinks it’s okay that racism is still an enormous issue. Nothing that’s happening right now is okay. And me trying to understand how that escapes so many people is like trying to justify slavery, the holocaust, rape, murder, child abuse, and everything else that we KNOW is wrong. There is no grey area in there. This isn’t a situation where we ponder the different sides. This isn’t about economics or politics.

I don’t support violent protests. But I don’t support silence either. I don’t want terrorists here. But I refuse to label 5 year old Syrian children as terrorists.

I don’t tend to be an extremist in any way except that right now I’m extremely protective of the people around me who don’t have my same privileges for the dumbest fucking reasons in the universe. I am unapologetically at a zero tolerance point right now. I am in FULL ally mode. I will not choose to live my life regularly because I get to. I am going to utilize my position to be here for all the people around me as best I can. I’m not going to stop complaining. I am not going to dramatically move to Canada because I actually want to make America great again, but for real this time and not on Trumps hateful agenda.

This is a terrible time for our country. And if you don’t see that, open your fucking eyes. And if you’re okay with that, remove yourself from my life because we no longer have any reason to be connected. You are supporting a divided frame of mind and the only part of that I support is you dividing yourself from me.

And if you’re scared or pissed off or confused or trying to figure out how to help, I’m here doing the same thing, always available to talk and find solutions.

I might not be able to create any huge difference, but I’m an ally for refugees, minorities, women, LBGTQ, everyone! My eyes are open always when I’m out and about and I am more than ready to stand my ground for both myself and my peers. I stand behind what I believe in and I’m done being patient.

So if you must keep asking when we will accept this presidency or when we will calm down or why I am still up and arms about everything or how on earth I can shut people out for mere politics, understand that to me and many other people in this country (and also the world) this is about ethics. And we won’t go away until it stops.

This will be in history books just like all the other shitty, unethical events our country has dealt with. Which side of history will you choose to be on?