#i know supernatural DID have a musical episode but sam and dean didn’t even sing and cas wasn’t even in it

[renthebarbarian]

“There should be a musical of this piece of media,” I say about something that already has a musical adaptation, but really what I want is the cast singing the Spotify playlist I’ve made for the piece of media in question

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 61 Transcript: What Happened to All the Pussy on Supernatural?

[intro guitar music]

C: Um, yeah, okay. We're good now. Everything's good.

G: Hello! My name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen the show several times...

C: And I, someone who only knows about the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian! For today's episode, we will be discussing... [sings trumpet fanfare] Season 4, Episode 1: "Lazarus Rising," written by Eric Kripke, directed by Kim Manners. I don't know. Released to the ether on September 18th, 2008, a very very very important date for all of humanity.

C: It very much is. Also, we have a special guest today who you may meet later. And it is not just Castiel.

G: [laughs] I mean, it literally is Castiel, though. He's our special guest.

C: It is Castiel, though.

G: But also, we have another special guest. So wait for that at the end of this episode. [C laughs] Yeah. So, oh my god, Crystal. [laughs incredulously]

C: Yeah.

G: We're here!

C: We're finally fucking here. It feels too early, is the thing. Because, okay, you view seasons 1 to 3 as like, the prequel to Supernatural. I view seasons 1 to 3 as Supernatural Part 1, and then Cas as Supernatural Part 2. And it's like, "Wow! How are we already in Supernatural Part 2 after a year?" [G laughs] It may be like, 3 times longer than Supernatural Part 1, but wow!

G: Wow! Yeah. Oh, god! So, you know, I played- I pressed play on this episode, and immediately, I was like-

C: Screaming.

G: - the most happy I've ever been watching Supernatural for this podcast. Which, like, is so amazing to me because when we started this podcast, I was a person of vigor, excitement, joy, happiness [C laughs]... Like, I was so excited to start the podcast. And I thought that would be unmatched for the rest of the show. Like, just a couple of episodes earlier, we were talking about how Season- what is it? Like, Season 2, Episode 1 was the beginning of the end, and, like, everything sucks from here on out. And now I'm here giggling, twirling my hair at an episode, and I'm so happy! Like, I'm genuinely so excited to be here. [laughs] I'm so happy!

C: Yeah, I was so alive while watching this. I was like, reacting to everything. I don't even know how much of this is like, higher quality, and how much of this is like, me being so excited that I've decided to care about like, every moment that happens in this episode.

G: I was so- like, I was reciting the scenes as they happen. I'm like, "And then he's gonna come in! And then he's gonna say this line!" [both laugh] Like, I was so hyped up. Yeah.

So, do I even need to ask our usual question of "What did you know coming in?"

C: Let's still do it for the sake of format.

G: Okay, fine. What did you know about the episode before going in, my dearest Crystal?

C: Well, okay. I think the first thing on my mind was that, as of today's recording, I think, a few days ago, this episode won the Supernatural episode brackets.

G: Yay!

C: Meaning that it is considered the best Supernatural episode of all time. Which does make me a little sad that I've already watched the best Supernatural episode of all time, so it's only downhill from here, but like, also, it is pretty good!

G: It's so good.

C: So okay, what I know: It opens on Dean waking up in his grave. He crawls out. He goes to a store. He shoplifts Busty Asian Beauties. [G laughs] Cas tries to communicate with him. A bunch of glass shatters. Dean sees that there's a handprint on his shoulder/arm, and it's very horny. He finds Bobby, and they go to find Sam, because Dean thinks that Sam made a deal. Sam's sleeping with a woman who is Ruby, but says that she's a rando named Kristy, [G laughs] and she also decides to be a Wincest shipper. Sam gives Dean back the Samulet and says that he didn't make a deal. They go to Pamela to try to summon Cas. There are candles around. Her eyes burn out when she looks upon Cas’s true form. We see Sam exorcise a demon with his brain, and, like Ruby, come out from the back door of the building and reveal herself. And Dean and Bobby go to a barn to summon Cas, and he's there, and I have seen every second of the scene where Cas comes before-

G: Yeah.

C: So sorry that it's not new for me. But yeah, shooting, heart stabbing, "What are you?" Like, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition"-

G: Yeah!

C: "You don't think you deserve to be saved," [G laughs/screams] "Because God commanded it, because we have a job for you" or "work to do" or whatever. We see his wings. He's so beautiful.

G: Yes. So beautiful.

C: He explodes all the light bulbs, etc. [laughs] So that's what I know about this episode.

G: Yeah. And I knew basically the exact same thing. I mean, who doesn't? Who doesn't? This is the episode of Supernatural.

C: [laughs] Yeah. Get any person off of the street and ask them what happened in Supernatural Episode 1 of Season 4, “Lazarus Rising,” and they would say all those same words.

G: Yeah, exactly. What an episode. We shall begin. Let's start. Yee! I'm so happy! Like, it's insane. I didn't- I knew, obviously, that I was gonna be super excited to see Cas, but I didn't know that I still had it in me to be this excited. [C laughs] Like, I genuinely was like, "Well, of course I'm going to be excited because it's Cas. But the love for Supernatural has faded quite a bit after, you know, like, everything." But I'm here, and I'm so happy.

C: Yeah.

G: God bless.

C: God bless.

-

G: So we start with a "Road So Far," and the "Road So Far" song is "Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC.

C: Yes. Which I did not know before this, but I looked it up because I heard the line "knocking me out with those American thighs," and I was like, "What the fuck is this song?" [both laugh] But it is a banger.

G: It's a good song, and I love it. And I quit like- I like it. Yeah. So do you have any takes on the "Road So Far"? Nothing really happens in the "Road So Far." It's just a summary.

C: AC/DC sings, "She told me to come" while they like, do a Dean ass shot. [laughs]

G: [laughs] Really?

C: And I think that's correct.

G: Yeah. God. Yeah, so-

C: I also think that they fail to make Dean's death serious, because we have a banger of a song going, and it cuts comedically between the clock being at 12, and him getting torn to shreds.

G: Yeah!

C: Like, I am just dancing to this. I don't care.

G: When the clock was turning to 12, I was like, "Did they put that in the episode?" I don't think so, because if they did, I would have laughed so hard.

C: When they're in the living room, there's a quick shot of the clock being at 12.

G: Yeah, but they didn't-

C: [laughs] It does not cut between the time and him getting torn to shreds.

G: [laughing] It's not between him being fucking mauled to death, yeah.

So, we start off the episode with Dean in, presumably, Hell. There's like a red light, and he's bloody, and it's just his eyes, and he's covered in blood. And there's like, I don't know, like, heavy breathing or something. I don't quite recall. Was there screaming, or it was it just like, [imitates panting]

C: There were like, sound effects to indicate torture, but I don't remember what they were.

G: Yeah. And we then go to Dean in a dark place. He's completely surrounded. He's in a small, small claustrophobic area. And he tries to light up a lighter that he has, like, in his pocket, I presume. And then he lights it up, and we see that he's inside of a coffin. And he starts screaming, or at least try to scream, "Help! Help! Help!" But, you know, his voice is like, hasn't been used in 4 months type shit, so it's very hoarse. And then he starts knocking on the door, like, trying to bust it open, and then dirt falls on him. And then we go out to the light, and it's Dean clawing out of the dirt, baby! He's clawing out of the dirt. And it's a whole thing. Like, he's like, heaving, and like, pulling himself out. And it's a workout, baby. Because he's tired.

C: Grunting, groaning, whimpering, even.

G: Yeah. And then, like, he lies on his back. He's looking up at the sun. And then he looks around. He stands up, and he sees that he was in a grave with a headstone on it, and everything around that grave, like, all the trees around that grave, are fallen to the ground.

C: Yeah. And it's a really fun shot.

G: Yes, it's a really fun shot. The way they shoot this, it's like, close up to his face, and then it pans out, and then it goes in circle until it gets like, super high up. And I think it's just so fun! It's so good. And also, this is the brightest that Supernatural has ever been.

C: Mm-hm. This is true.

G: It's so bright.

C: And also in the zoomed-out shot, you can't really see Dean anymore. What you see is his shadow and then the shadow of the giant wooden cross over his grave.

G: Yeah!

C: So you just see those 2 dark silhouettes, and then all the trees fell around him, and it's a fun image.

Okay, Grey, you say that Dean's hair looks like shit this season, right?

G: And you're gonna say it looks the same! [groans]

C: No. I mean, [laughs] yes, it does look the same to me, but I trust that you're right that it is different. I think I'm curious just about the state of Dean's body in general. Like, you think Sam gave him a terrible haircut- [laughing] he gave Dean's corpse a terrible haircut before putting him in that coffin?

G: That's so funny. But like, I think actually, his hair in this episode looks alright. I think maybe it's later on in the season, he gets a haircut, and it's absolutely atrocious. [C laughs] Not sure. Like, it's okay here. So I believe you that he looks the same in this episode. [laughs] Yeah.

C: Second thing about Dean's body, I feel like people are usually buried in their nice clothes.

G: Yeah.

C: Like. society if Dean crawled out in a tuxedo. [both laugh]

G: For real! He was in a barong tagalog. [laughs]

C: He literally was.

G: Filipino Dean Winchester for real.

C: Yeah. And finally, the cross makes me emo because it's like, clearly like, hand-hewn, you know? So like, Sam made that with his hands!

G: Yeah, his brother made that shit. [both laugh]

C: On live television, even. [G laughs]

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: And Dean's not even religious, right? But-

G: Yeah, like, why the cross?

C: I mean, it's a fun image. And I guess- I don't know.

G: It works with the setting up the show.

C: Are there rules that like- Is it like, a way to honor Dean's death? Are there rules about how you need religious imagery at your burial in order to make it to like, Heaven? Are there rules? I don't know anything about Christianity.

G: No idea. I don't think so. That would be pretty rude.

C: Yeah, that'd be pretty rude.

G: "You can't go to heaven 'cause like, the cross isn't formed."

C: I mean, he can't go to Heaven, anyway. [both laugh] But.

G: Yeah.

C: And I think that opening on Dean being alive again is like, the only thing you can do for a season opening, but I do sort of regret that we didn't get an episode or two of Sam alone.

G: Yeah.

C: I would have liked to see it. But, you know, this is iconic, so I don't care that much.

G: Yeah. Truly an iconic scene. Like, this is where the story starts! He gets out of his grave! Like I- ah! I'm so- I'm so, so so so excited.

But we get the title card, and as we say, we talk about the title card every beginning of the season. So, title card. It's just flappy angel wings. What are the thoughts?

C: Yeah. I like it better than the Season 3 one because it's less shiny, metallic, whatever. It's a bit boring, but like, I'm glad that they decided that they were gonna have angel wings, because it's true, they are the most important part of this season.

G: Yeah. I mean, that's pretty much it, right? Also, like, I think I'll bring it up here, the first- after Dean goes, "Help! Help! Help!" like, trying to get out of the coffin, he is just quiet. That's- The first few minutes of this episode is just completely silent, minus the occasional droning music that's quite ominous, which, you know, we see in this first scene. And I think it's such a good choice that it's just gonna be quiet. No background music, no anything. He's just walking around. It sets the tone very much so for, like, what they're trying to do this scene, which is like, he's in a place he doesn't recognize, in a time he doesn't recognize. What even happened to Earth? Did Lilith destroy it already? like, -type shit.

C: Right.

G: And it's just so good. It's such a good choice, and I love it so much. And it makes the subsequent scene where Cas, or like, you know, the radio and everything starts acting up even more powerful because it's like, suddenly this loud, loud, loud noise in a quiet place.

C: I did not even consider that Dean woke up and would think that maybe the earth had been destroyed, but, like, you're right. The viewers and Dean at this time don't know. And it didn't even hit me until Bobby reassured Dean that Sam was probably alive that like, when Dean woke up, he probably thought that Sam was dead.

G: Yeah. Like, imagine selling your soul to save your brother, and then the minute you die, he dies? Like, fuck my life!

C: True. Imagine selling your soul to save the guy that you like, and then, 3 weeks after you die for him, he gets killed by a rusty nail. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. RIP.

-

C: So we cut to Dean walking to some gas station, and he looks like shit. [G laughs] He's walking pussy out with like, a jacket tied around his waist.

G: A la 2016 Grey!

C: Yeah, I mean I am often a jacket-tied-around-my-waist person too, but I like to believe that I look better than he does doing it.

So he gets to this abandoned gas station, and he breaks in to get water and supplies. He notices from the newspaper that it's September 18th, 2008, so it's been 4 months.

G: First of all- It's been 4 months. But first of all, he grabs the water bottle and gulps it down-

C: Just like Cas.

G: - And this is a scene that is frequently giffed that is frequently giffed as like, a horny scene or whatever. [laughs]

C: There's also- you know when there's the scene where Cas drinks a bottle of water, and someone edited it to have him gulping on a dick? [G laughs] Have people done the same with this scene?

G: No, I think in this scene, when he puts down the water bottle, he's like, breathing heavily, and people are like, "Oh, he looks like he's getting blown or something."

C: Ah. Huh. Probably? [G laughs] I don't recall. But good for them.

G: [laughing] That Cas fucking gif is so funny as shit! It's so funny!

C: Fucking gulp that down. So true.

G: Anyway.

C: So Dean's in front of a mirror washing up, and then he pulls up his shirt and sees that he got top surgery!

G: Well, he got top surgery, and also, like, he doesn't have a six-pack. He has a soft tummy! I love that so much. Love it.

C: That's true. I didn't notice that because that was normal, [G laughs] but you're right. Like, every time Jared Padalecki is shirtless on here, they like, force him to suck his stomach in and shit.

G: Yeah, dehydrated for 5 days, baby! [both laugh] But like, with Dean, he has a tummy, and that's so cute.

C: So there's like, flashes between, like, his chest getting ripped open, and, like his un-scarred abdomen now. So Dean's like, "Man, what happened?" And then he turns a little and pulls up his sleeve. And what do we see on his left shoulder? [both] A handprint!

God.

G: Like, for some reason, this scene surprised me. Like, I forgot about the handprint. I forgor.

C: You forgot about the handprint??

G: Like, of course, conceptually, I know about it and shit. But like, when they- because I was super excited. I was just like, "Okay, I'm just gonna drink in this episode." And then it happened, I was like, "Oh my god! The handprint!" I was so excited. And like, I don't know, seeing it awoke something in me. [laughs] What it awoke, I don't know, and I will not share. [C laughs] But, oh my god! He literally has a handprint of Cas on his shoulder.

C: Yeah. He does.

So, yeah, Dean's starting to get a bunch of food and stuff and putting them in a bag. [laughing] And then. He sees. [both laughing] A copy. Of Busty Asian Beauties.

G: Yeah.

C: And unfortunately, we're gonna have to derail for like, 5 minutes, [laughs] because I have a few things to say.

G: [laughs] Okay.

C: So. First, I think we've talked- Okay, me and Danica have talked about this before, and me and you have talked about this before. So some fun facts about the woman on the cover-

G: [laughing] Oh, yeah.

C: So, her name is Melody Demayo. She's Filipina, but in her career she usually goes by Mimi Miyagi, and the last name she got from like, the Japanese teacher in The Karate Kid because she said that she sort of wanted to hide her ethnicity in like, her porn acting and stuff. Which, yeah. So she's acted in porn and movies. She [laughs] was the publisher of a porn magazine called Oriental Dolls, which is now called Asian Hotties. And in 2006, she ran to be the Republican governor of Nevada.

Okay. The next thing that I have to say is, I want to talk about the prop designer that made this cover. Her name is Mary Ann Liu, and she is a Chinese woman. [laughs] And in a few books like that are companions to Supernatural, the things that she said about these are that the porn magazines are hilarious to do, and that because she is like- I think she said she's either a native Chinese speaker or she knows Chinese really well, all the words on there actually mean something. And then in the book, Fangasm: Supernatural Fangirls, the writers interview her, and her cubicle is, in fact, decorated with all the BAB covers that she's helped design, so she at least seems proud of this work.

So I think the thing that- the point here is that, like, both of- the two main people involved in this prop, like the model and the designer, are both Asian women who like, are participating in the fetishization of Asian women. And like, I don't know exactly how I feel about that besides "negative." Like, I don't know how much of a moral stance I'm going to take against them besides some amount of it. But like, I think what this reminds me a little bit of is, there's a podcast called Sex Worker Storytelling Series by Coyote Rhode Island, which is like, a nonprofit or a group of sex workers advocating for sex worker rights. And in the first episode, the host, who's a Black woman, is interviewing another sex worker, who is an Asian woman, and both of them mention briefly that, like, they put their races on their ads because it helps them get more clients, and neither of them are very happy about it, but it's just what works. And I don't feel angry at those people the way that I feel a little bit angry at the two people involved in the BAB cover. But I feel like the main takeaway is just that, like, if you are in a fetishized group, the world is created so that in the short term, the profitable thing for you to do is to play into that fetishization and those stereotypes. And that's sad.

So Dean makes his pervert face at the magazine and flips through it, and is like, "Hmm, yeah, uh-huh," like, before he decides that it's worth stealing.

G: Yeah.

C: And then he starts trying to steal money from the cash register.

G: [laughing] You know what's so funny about this? Like, when he started- when he went to the cash register, my first thought was- Obviously, I've watched this episode before-

C: [laughing] That he was gonna pay for it?

G: - and I knew that he was gonna steal money, [laughing] but I was like, "Aw, baby's gonna pay for his- the things that he snagged off the shop!"

C: That's so funny. He was buried with his wallet.

G: I was like, "Buddy, he's fucking stealing from the register." I was like- I mean, good for him. Good for him, for real.

C: Yeah. And I think the funny thing about Cas choosing to communicate now is, I think, some people's interpretation that he was just like, "Oh my god, what are you doing? You can't steal! Stealing's bad!" [both laughing]

G: So real.

C: Yeah. So the TV next to him turns on, and there's static. And then the radio turns on, and we hear sounds and static. And then, things start shaking, and Dean starts freaking out, and he starts salting the windows because he thinks that a demon is coming for him. And then there's a very high-pitched ringing noise, and then all the glass in the fucking gas station fucking shatters, and he falls to the ground, and there's like, pieces all over, and everything is breaking, and it looks so cool, and that's my baby! My baby did that. Good for him.

G: It's so funny, too, because, like, at some point, he goes to the other side of the store that has more glass. [both laugh] Like, what is he doing?

C: Good for him.

G: He literally goes there- he literally goes there to get hit with more glass, and I respect that.

-

G: So he goes out after recovering from this nightmare situation, and he dials in the phone booth a number, and then it says, like, "Sorry! The number's unavailable" or something like that. And he just keeps on doing it until he hits jackpot and Bobby- he gets like, Bobby's number, and then Bobby picks up. And he goes like, "Bobby? It's me." And Bobby goes, "Who's me?" And then he goes, "Dean," and then Bobby hangs up. And then he attempts to do it again, saying like, "Listen to me, Bobby." And Bobby goes like, "If you call again, I'll kill you." And then he hangs up finally. And this entire scene is shot in a way where the camera is like, moving around him. And I was- I literally- Here are two things I wrote on my notes.

C: Yes.

G: "Am I delusional? But this episode literally looks like a different show." It does in this episode, doesn't it? Like, especially in that- in the first portion of the episode, it looks like a different show. I think maybe because it's so well-lit. And it's the first time, really-

C: Yeah. And the coloring, maybe, feels different.

G: Yeah, yeah.

C: Feels more brown and green, or whatever. Also, there's one shot when Dean stands up from the grave that looks absolutely atrocious. [G laughs] You know, when he's like, standing up, and it's of his face as he gets up or whatever, and he's covered in dirt, and like, it just- the way that he's framed by the camera, like, it looks awful.

G: Yeah. I mean, my next statement was, "The way the camera moves is so beautiful, like, what is this? Why are we in an A24 film right now?" [both laugh] So maybe I disagree with you.

C: Yeah, maybe.

G: I don't know why, but like, there's a lot of scenes in this episode where the camera is in motion in a way that, like, it typically is not in Supernatural. Maybe I just paid much more attention this episode, but, like, it looks different, it feels different, it moves different. Especially this first part. By the time they reach Sam, it starts going back more to what Supernatural looks like. But this first part, it really is very different.

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway, Dean looks at the side. He sees a car, and he hot wires it, and he goes to Bobby's house.

C: The shot where he drives off is shot from the inside of the gas store, and you can sort of see like, the sunglasses rack and the broken glass, and I was like, "Oh my god, that's literally Cas looking at him!" Like, "The sunglasses are Cas's eyes! Wow!"

G: Oh my god, that's so true! So real!

So he goes to Bobby's house, and like, you know, Bobby, hears knocking on the door. So Bobby opens the door, and it's Dean, and he goes, "Surprise!" And Bobby is like, "What is happening?" and he grabs a knife and he starts trying to kill Dean, or like, at least nick him with the knife. And then, you know, Dean is trying to say, "It's me! It's me!" And then at some point, Dean-

C: Yeah, states three facts that literally anyone would know about Bobby, including his name. [laughs]

G: Yeah. He says, "Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed. And you're about the closest thing I have to a father." First of all, the first two, I feel like everyone in the hunting community knows. The last one... who give a shit. [C laughs] Like, that's not even a fact.

C: Yeah. Have we discussed the fact that Bobby is named after our least favorite director? [G laughs]

G: Yeah. The man who does things to our eyeballs on the reg.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Jesus Christ.

G: Bobby continues trying to hit him, and Dean is like, "I'm not a shapeshifter!" And then he gets the knife and holds it out and says, like, "If I was a shapeshifter or a revenant or whatever, could I do this with a silver knife?" And then he rolls up his sleeve, and, like, cuts his upper arm. And my first thought was, "Cas just fixed you! [both laugh] Stop this, Dean! Cas just fixed you!" But, you know, it is relevant to the plot.

C: Yeah. They do the silver knife test a lot in the future, and it's just like, can't you guys just get like, a silver needle and like, prick yourselves a little? Do you have to do all this?

G: Prick yourself, yeah! It's too dramatic. What if you nick an artery? Like, that's life-ending.

C: Yeah.

G: So Bobby's like, "Oh my god, it's really you!" And then they hug. And Bobby goes like, "It's good to see you, boy." And Dean's like, "Yeah. I woke up in a box-" and then Bobby splashes him with lube water.

C: Lube. With lube.

G: Yeah. The lube goes into Dean's mouth. So it went into Jensen Ackles's mouth, and he had to spit it out. That's disgusting! That's disgusting. That's disgusting.

C: Maybe it was flavored lubricant. We don't know that it's not.

G: Eugh! Eugh! [C laughs] Anyway, he goes like, "You know, I'm not a demon either." And Bobby's like, "Yeah, okay." And then they go in, and Bobby says like, "It doesn't make any sense. You were torn to shreds and everything." And like, he asks what Dean remembers, and Dean says, "I don't remember anything. I just remember being chewed on by a hellhound, and then lights off. And then I'm back from the dead."

C: Is that true?

G: No, it's not. He's lying off his ass.

C: Yeah, okay, he's lying. Yeah.

G: And he asks if Sam's dead. I mean, subtly. He's like, "Sam's number's not working, is he... what's he..." And Bobby's like, "He's alive, as far as I know." And Dean's like, "What do you mean 'as far as you know'?" And Bobby says that Sam has been impossible to contact recently because he's like, dead set on finding how to get Dean back and shit. And Bobby says, like, "We had to bury you." Which, you know, is a nice line. And Dean asked like, "Why bury me? Why not cremate me, or whatever? Burn me?" And Bobby says that "Sam just said no, because he was trying to get you back."

C: Something else that I found interesting here was like, when Bobby said that he didn't know where Sam was, Dean goes like, "You let him go off by himself?" and also "Bobby, you should have been looking after him." And I don't know if they ever had a discussion about this. But it seems like Dean just automatically assumed that his looking-after-Sam duties would pass on to Bobby after his death. And like, I don't know. That's an interesting character thing.

G: Yeah. Like, he cannot really imagine a future where Sam is not looked after by anyone in some capacity.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Sam is always something to be looked after.

And Dean is like, "Oh, whatever Sam did, I'm pretty sure he did something." And this is like our first red herring of the episode. Like, we just think that Sam did something to get Dean back. And like, the way this resolves is actually pretty cool. I mean, "cool" as in "I like the emotional thing that they got going for that scene." But, you know, we'll get into it when we get into it. And basically, Dean thinks Sam made a deal.

C: He says, "It's what I would have done-"

G: And he did do it!

C: Which yeah, it's what you already did.

To find out where Sam is, Dean calls the cell phone company and asks them to turn on Sam's GPS, and, like gives, Sam's fake name and Sam's fake Social Security Number. Bobby asks how Dean was able to know the fake name Sam would use, and Dean says, "Are you kidding me? What don't I know about that kid?" Which- do you think that Dean knows Sam very well?

G: Well, I'm gonna- It's complicated. Because, like, that's something you usually hear from a parent, right?

C: Yes.

G: Like, "I know you! I-" blah blah blah. But like, do they really? And like, I'm sure they believe they do. And I'm sure they know me in ways that I don't know myself because, like, my friends also know me in ways I don't expect because they're around me so much, and my parents are around me so much or have been around me so much in my childhood or whatever. But like, I don't know if that is true for those cases, and I don't know if it's true for Sam and Dean.

C: Yeah. I feel like both of them feel the need to hide a lot of things from each other, so-

G: I mean, obviously, from this episode-

C: Yeah. I believe that Dean would know Sam's fake names, and like, a lot of just like, trivia about Sam. But I don't know if he knows what Sam's thinking all the time and that kind of stuff.

So Dean notices that, like, Bobby's place is like, littered with empty liquor bottles, and he makes a joke about it. And Bobby just says like, "The last few months haven't been easy." And yeah, that does make me a bit emo. And also we know-

G: You know, my only thought in the scene was like, "God. Bobby's actor is so bad at acting!" [both laugh] Do you know what I mean? Like he's like, [flatly] "Like I said, past few months have been rough," or whatever he said. And I was like, "Put some heart into it, bro!" I mean, I know that he's Bobby, but, like, I don't know. It's just not convincing. It looks like he's acting.

C: Right. And I think, like, when he answers the door, he's well-groomed, his clothes are clean, his eyes are bright and regular, you know? Like, if he's in a giant depression/alcohol funk, the costume designers should put a little effort into it, too.

G: Yeah. Also, I just realized, have we ever seen Bobby without a hat?

C: Huh. I- Wait, when he's when he's interviewing a witness-

G: Oh yeah!

C: - in 3.01, and he's wearing the suit.

G: Yeah, love that. But with his usual getup, it almost never happens.

C: Yeah, because I just tried to imagine what the top of his head was, and I just created a giant like, bald spot in my mind, [laughs] because I don't know what it looks like.

G: And I think you're right, though. It is a giant bald spot.

C: Good for him.

-

C: So, Dean, find out from the phone company that Sam is in Pontiac, Illinois, which is very near where Dean came back to life. So they go track Sam down. He's at the Astoria Motel, and I like the look of this motel. Like, all the room numbers are on a heart on the door.

G: Yeah! Also, I want to say, Pontiac, Illinois is like the only place I know in Illinois, and it is specifically because Jimmy Novak is from Pontiac, Illinois.

C: Yes.

G: And I just think that's a super- such a fun fact. What is Illinois known for, anyway?

C: I don't know. Nothing? [both laugh] Jimmy Novak? [laughs]

G: Exactly. It is a Jimmy Novak place.

C: Yeah.

So they knock on the door of the motel, and Ruby(!!!) opens it, but we're not supposed to know that it's Ruby yet. And she looks so good! I'm just so happy to see her.

G: Okay, I just want to say-

C: Yeah.

G: Genevieve Padalecki, not that good as Ruby.

C: Yeah, there were some moments when I thought that her acting could have used a bit of work. [G laughs] But I feel like because she is Ruby to me, I'm just like, "That's just how Ruby is." [laughs]

G: No, for me, Ruby is Ruby 1. So this one takes- will take a while to get used to, I feel.

C: Yeah, that makes sense. And, you know, for fanservice reasons, and also to show that she and Sam have been having freaky blood-drinking sex up until now, she's like, only wearing a tank top, and like, cotton underwear or whatever. And she goes, "So where is it?" And Dean and Bobby are confused, and she goes like, "The pizza? That apparently two guys need to come to deliver?" She's soo funny. She's just the funniest person in the world. Like, she could not have known that- did she know that Dean was back?

G: No, I don't think so.

C: Yeah. She could not have known that Dean was back to life, and she opens the door, and she just does this. She's so quick on her feet. I love her.

Dean thinks that they got the wrong room, and then we see Sam! I'm gonna say something controversial. I thought he looked better in Season 3.

G: He looks so hunky.

C: He does.

G: He looks so hunky. Why?

C: It's just too much. You know, demon blood has a lot of protein in it.

G: Yeah, that's true. [C laughs] He's been doing a lot of pull-ups or whatever.

C: Yeah. Isn't there a scene where soulless!Sam is working out-

G: [laughs] Yeah!

C: That's like, incredibly comical to look at?

G: Well, I don't think it was supposed to be comical, but- I think it was supposed to be horny or whatever.

C: Okay. Good for him, I guess. There's a level of like, musculature and like, gleaming muscles at which someone just looks entirely sexless the way that like, there's like- that anime women with giant boobs are entirely sexless 'cause they stop looking like, real, you know what I mean?

G: I do- I do understand what you're saying. Although I don't think Sam looks sexless here.

C: Yeah, not here, but the soulless!Sam workout scene, at least what I've seen of it, is sexless and hilarious.

G: Ah. Well, I liked it because he was all serious and shit.

C: Mm-hm.

G: That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to reveal myself further. [C laughs]

C: So both of them are feeling a lot of emotions. And, you know, Dean says, "Hi."

G: Sam is like, breathing so heavily. He's like [panting].

C: Yeah.

G: He's so agitated.

C: Yeah. And Dean comes in, and then Sam yanks out a knife and tries to kill him. And Ruby's still being in character, so she's like, "Ah!" [laughs] or whatever.

G: "Ahh!" Yeah.

C: And Bobby stops Sam from attacking. and says that it's actually Dean. But like, before that happens, Sam reveals that he has no clue that Dean would be brought to life, and Dean's surprised because he thinks that Sam is the one who did this. And Sam's like- he's just so shocked, and he's so emotional, and he goes like, "Oh my god! Like what?" And Dean makes a joke about how he looks fantastic. And then Sam, like, sort of just like, launches himself at Dean to hug him, and yeah, everyone's teary and shit. And then, when they stop hugging, it's shot so that you can see that Ruby's standing behind them, in between them. [laughs] And she goes, "So are you two, like, together?" And okay. There's like, two Wincest shoutouts in this episode, which is too many. But this was very funny, and she's so funny for doing this. So I forgive this one.

G: What's the second one?

C: When Pamela invites them to a threesome.

G: Yeah, but Dean explicitly says like, "You're not invited." But yeah, I suppose the Pamela part-

C: Oh, yeah, I know. I just mean that anything still counts.

G: Yeah.

C: Because it's not like Sam goes, "Yes, we are." [laughs] Like, this is also something that ends with denial.

G: Yeah. [laughing]

C: Yeah. [laughing] Sorry, why am I saying "denial"? The truth, which is that they are not together.

So Sam's like, "Oh, no. Like, that's my brother." What is going through Sam's head right now? [laughing] Like, he knows that Ruby knows that this is Dean.

G: Yeah.

C: Does he think she's being so fucking funny right now? Because she is.

G: She is.

C: Yeah, and Ruby's like, "Uh, okay. Well, I should probably go."

-

G: So Ruby leaves, and they do a whole bit where she goes, "So call me." And Sam's like, "Yeah, sure thing, Katie." And like, Ruby pretends to be disappointed by this, and she's like, "It's Kristy." [C laughs] And like, Sam's like, "Okay." Okay. It's so funny! She's so fucking funny.

C: She's just the funniest person in perhaps the entire entire world. Also, she's wearing like, a blue flannel or something, which is not Ruby's usual getup, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Like, she's usually like, plain shirt, and then a [both] leather jacket. She did not know that Dean was coming. Like, were she and Sam doing some kind of a roleplay? Like, why is she wearing this?

G: She's experimenting with her style.

C: Good for her.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Sam comes back in and Dean starts grilling him. Like, "Is it you? What did it cost?" And, "You made a deal, didn't you? Don't lie to me." At some point, he grabs Sam, like, fully grabs him and says like, "Tell me! I'm off the hook and you're on! Is that it?" Blah blah blah.

C: "You're some demon's bitchboy?"

G: Literally. He says, "Are you some demon's bitchboy?"

C: Something's wrong with him.

G: He says, "I didn't want to be saved. Not like this." And Sam just says, "I wish I had done it, alright? I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell! I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, alright? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, alright, Dean? I'm sorry." This is a banger! I love this.

C: It's good. He tried opening the Devil's Gate. The thing he shot Jake like, 20 times for.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, what was he gonna do? He's just gonna crawl into Hell and get Dean himself?

G: Yeah. [laughs]

C: Or I guess he was like, "John managed to leave. So maybe if I just open it, Dean will get out." But like, yeah, no. This is definitely a banger. Like, the lengths that he went to, and like, acting is very good here. And like, does Sam ever find out that like- Well, I guess he'll find out in Season 5. But he does he find out before then that like, it was like 40 years for Dean?

G: I mean at some point, yeah.

C: Yeah. Wild. Wild shit.

G: Yeah. Dean says, "It's okay, I believe you. But if you didn't pull me out, who did?"

C: Dun-dun-dun!

Okay, I am a little bit- Okay, so I'm wondering Sam's motivations for wanting to save Dean. Because I know in later seasons, there are times when Dean saves Sam's life where Sam goes like, "You shouldn't have done it. I was ready to die." you know. So like, is it just specifically that he went to Hell that's like, the main issue here.

G: Yeah. I think that's it. 'Cause opening the Gate of Hell wouldn't guarantee that Dean would go back to his body. It would just get him out as a spirit, and then he could go to Heaven like John.

C: Oh, yeah.

G: So he'd still be dead, right? He'd still be dead.

C: So it's the torture.

G: It's about getting him out of Hell.

C: Okay. Makes sense.

G: Because now they know with Ruby what going to Hell means. It's like, you become a demon after years of torture and being tortured.

C: Mm-hm. Society if he opened the gate, and by then, Dean was already a demon, and then he like, fucking possessed Sam or something. That's a movie for someone else.

G: Well, he can't.

C: He can't?

G: Yeah, he can't because of the tattoo.

C: Oh, yeah. I think Sam would get rid of the tattoo if he- if Dean possessed someone else and communicated to Sam about it. Or I don't- do you think Sam would be the type to go like, "No, I have to exorcise you now." I don't think so.

G: I don't think so.

C: Dean would exorcise demon!Sam, but- Wait, actually, we see Sam and demon!Dean in Season 10, so I'll get the answer, anyway.

G: No, but that's different. Because, like exorcising, the demon does not- like, the demon is not Dean. It's convoluted.

C: Yeah, which is- I love when Supernatural makes sense. [both laugh]

G: Yeah!

-

C: We're still in the motel room, and Sam reveals that once he realized that he couldn't save Dean, he started trying to hunt down Lilith specifically to get revenge. Like, not because there's a war and she's gonna kill people. Like, just for revenge. And I guess we did see this in "Mystery Spot" where he dedicates his life to hunting down the Trickster after Dean dies, so like, yeah.

G: It makes sense.

C: It's good to know that stayed consistent. And Bobby says a line! He says, like, "You did that all by yourself? Who do you think you are? Your old man?" Which, ahh.

G: Ahh! Yeah.

C: God! I love it. I love it. I love Sam and John parallels. I love Dean and John parallels. John should parallel everyone forever.

And Sam seems genuinely chastised by this. Like, he's like, sheepish, almost? He's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called, but I was pretty messed up." Like, is this acting? Like, we know that he's been like, slonking on that demon dong. [both laugh] What is he doing?

G: No, I think he is sorry.

C: Okay, yeah.

G: And he has not lied in all this. Not yet.

C: Yeah.

But this moment, which I very much like, gets undercut by Dean finding a bra, and being like, "Haha! Yeah, Sam's been fucking and sucking." Like, how did this happen? Ruby left braless? She did not, though.

G: She did not.

C: Does she have 4 tits? What's happening?

G: Maybe she has an extra bra.

C: Why?

G: You know... I don't know, actually. I don't care. [C laughs] RIP.

C: Yeah. RIP.

So- it's just, every comedy moment that's like, "Oh, leftover panties, leftover bra," I just think about that scene in [both] Parasite-

G: Parasite, yeah! [laughs]

C: Yeah. The daughter like, leaves her panties in the rich family's private car-

G: And their family was like, "What even was going on?"

C: Yeah. "What kind of a woman would leave and forget her panties in the car?" And they're like, "She must have been like drugged out of her mind or something."

G: Yeah.

C: Like, no woman wouldn't leave their panties or bra like, in a motel room, unless they were like, just not very awake or like, aware of what they were doing. And Ruby was very aware of herself. So yeah.

Anyway, so Sam says that there's this group of demons, and very recently, they all like, swarmed to over here when Dean came out of his grave, and they think that these are connected. Dean calls the person who dragged him out a "badass demon." And he is badass. Cas is badass.

G: Yeah.

C: Bobby asks if Dean still feels like himself. And he's like, "Oh my god! No! How many times do I have to prove it?" Blah blah blah blah blah. Like, remember when they had a "Sam came back wrong" storyline for two episodes in Season 3, and then they decided to forget about it?

G: Exactly. That's what I was thinking about during this scene. Like, "Are they gonna do it again this season and just completely ignore it again?"

C: Yeah. And the answer is yes.

G: The answer is yes.

C: So they think that they should figure out who got Dean out so they know exactly what the plans are because whoever got him out probably wants him for some demonic plan or whatever. And Bobby says that he knows a psychic nearby, and maybe they could go and ask her about it. And I'm sad that they didn't bring Missouri back, but also I'm glad that Missouri still has her eyes, so [laughs] yeah.

And then we get- After Bobby leaves, we get a moment between Sam and Dean where Sam tells Dean like, "Hey. You probably want this back." And he reaches into his shirt, and he's been wearing the Samulet under his shirt the whole time, and he gives it back to Dean.

G: This is such a sweet scene.

C: It is. I like it a lot. I just- I really like jewelry as a way of holding on to people that you love.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, when I was born, my grandma gave me a little snake necklace, and, I think like, from fifth grade to like, eleventh grade, until the string broke, I wore it under my shirt, like every single day.

G: Aw.

C: And like- I don't know. There's just- wearing something every day and like, feeling it against your skin at all times until it's weird when you don't feel it. It's just such a nice thing when like, the jewelry is from somebody that you care about. So yeah. This was a good moment.

And then Sam asks Dean what Hell was like, and Dean lies again, says that he blacked it out and doesn't remember anything. And Sam's like, "Well, that's good."

Something about like Hell torture and stuff I feel like Supernatural misses- Like, later, we get characters who are in Hell for like hundreds of years. And they come out, and they're like, basically the same as they were before.

G: Yeah.

C: I just feel like- I would have difficulties- I wouldn't be able to form sentences if I was being tortured for like, so long, you know? I wouldn't remember like, how to drive a car. Like, you know? I feel like that is so many years. I feel like people need more of an adjustment period to like, being in the world at all, or like, believing that they got out. And I feel like we don't really see that with Dean here. I think that the only thing they did that was good related to that was having the first part of the episode be so silent that like, you can believe that he's doing a lot of processing before he meets up with Bobby. But yeah. 40 years is so long.

G: It's so long.

C: And it's not like there's no equivalent in the real world. Like, people go to prison for like 40 years. But like, they have an adjustment period, and Hell should be more so an adjustment period.

And then we get a final scene in the motel where Dean's just looking at himself in the mirror, and then he gets flashbacks to Hell torture again.

-

G: Yeah. So we go out, and apparently, Pamela is 4 hours away. So Bobby's going on his own car, and Sam throws the keys at Dean who catches them, and says, "I'll assume you want to drive." And Dean is so ecstatic about this, and he's like, "Oh, I almost forgot!" And he goes to the Impala, and he goes, "Hey, sweetheart. Did you miss me?" And he goes in, and he's so happy-

C: He needs to renew his drivers license. He hasn't driven for 40 years. He should have droven Baby directly into a tree after this.

G: Yeah. He sees an iPod with an O plugged into the car, like, to the radio. How does this work? Is there like a- what is it called? An aux cord situation?

C: Yeah, something like that, I think.

G: In 1967?

C: Well, the point is that Sam had to like, make modifications to install this, which is why Dean's so upset.

G: Yeah. And Sam's like, "It's an iPod jack." And he looks so happy that he has an iPod. [C laughs] And Dean is like, "You were supposed to take care of her. Not douche her up." And then Sam said something that I really like. He said, "I thought it was my car."

C: Yeah.

G: And I was like, "Oh, no, he really thought that Dean was dead!" I can imagine the entire time where he was like, "No, I'm not gonna do any changes to the car because what if Dean comes back? What if Dean comes back?" And then one day, he just goes like, "He's gone." And then [both laughing] just installs the iPod jack.

C: Yeah, I mean, these few months are like, very sad when you think about Sam, but also, you get just wonderful images in your mind. Like, him crying over the porn magazines Dean gave him for Christmas [G laughing], and like, sobbing about how Dean's dead and never coming back while installing an iPod jack in the car.

G: True!

C: God, he's so real.

G: Yeah. Anyway, the music starts playing, and I don't really know how to describe this song.

C: Like, country?

G: Punchy?

C: I said country. Let me- okay, so it says that the song is "Vision" by Jason Manns. So if I look up Jason Manns- Okay, it says that he's a folk/rock musician. Oh, this isn't like, a known song. Like, he doesn't have a Wikipedia page. He only has a Superwiki page. [laughs] And apparently-

G: Ah! Jason Manns! Yeah!

C: Jensen Ackles has sung backup vocals for him before.

G: I know this guy! I know this guy.

C: You do?

G: Yeah, he's famous- like, he's a Supernatural guy.

C: Yeah. Right. So they got a sponsorship from Apple by having the iPod here, and they got a sponsorship from Jason Manns.

G: Anyway, Dean rips out the iPod and tosses it- at first, I thought he was gonna toss it out the window, [C laughs] because I guess that's how I remember it. He doesn't, thankfully. He just rips it out and tosses it in the backseat.

C: Those things cost money.

G: Yeah.

They have a brother moment, a BM if you must, in this car.

Well, actually, it's not a brother moment. Because a brother moment was like, the scene where Sam was like, [fake crying] "I wasn't the one who saved you. I'm so sorry it wasn't me!" This is just a normal conversation.

C: The moment they're having is that Dean got out of Hell for 20 minutes, and is already calling Sam a sick gay freak. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. Anyway, they're just talking about how Lilith wasn't able to kill Sam and he's immune or something. And Sam was like, "Yeah, I don't know who was more surprised, her or me. She left pretty fast after that." And Dean asks about Ruby, and Sam says, "She's dead." And then Dean asks, "Have you been using your freaky ESP stuff?" And Sam says, "No." [C laughs] And as Dean asks like, "Are you sure? Are you sure?" Sam just says like, "It was your dying wish that I don't use it, so I'm not using it!" And Dean says, "Well, let's keep it that way."

C: God, it's so funny of Sam to say that when he has been doing it.

G: He's literally lying for real.

C: Yeah, he's like- this is like emotional manipulation lying, almost. But I don't think that's his point. I think that probably like, every time he's felt guilty about it, he's thought about this fact, so like, that sentence just like slipped out because he was panicking a bit.

G: Yeah.

This is literally like lying to your parents straight to their face when they ask you, "Are you gay?" And you're like, "No? Never heard of gay people."

C: Oh my god, literally.

G: [laughing] Yeah.

C: Literally. It has happened- you know, like, after the first time they ask, like, you assume they'd let it go. And then, like, they renew the question every few years, and you're like, "What? No. I would never be gay." And they're like, "Okay, fine." Anyway.

G: Yeah. Love that

C: I love Sam's queer allegory. [both laugh]

-

C: So we cut to Pamela's house, and [sighs] Eric Kripke sure wrote this episode!

So she's here, and she and Bobby are close. Like, she hugs him and lifts him off the ground a little, which is fun. I- Does Pamela have more pronounced biceps than, like, an average person, or have I just not seen people's arms for like, 500 years?

G: No, I think she has really, really good arms.

C: Okay, good for her. And then she like, checks out Sam and Dean, but especially Dean. And, like, Dean starts flirting it up almost immediately. And she's like, "Wow! You just came back to life, and that makes me want to fuck you." So they go in, and she says that she wants to do a seance and do a quick little sneak peak at whoever it is. And when Pamela starts setting up, she has to like, bend down to get something, and then, you see, like, her shirt ride up and her pants go down, and you can see her ass crack, and like, a tattoo on her back that says "Jesse Forever."

G: No! You can't see her asscrack! You can just see the tramp stamp.

C: You can kinda see her asscrack.

G: You just see the tramp stamp.

C: Yeah. She has a tramp stamp that says, "Jesse Forever." And Dean- The camera like, fucking zooms in on it. Like, there's a shot specifically of her tramp stamp. And Dean asks about it, and she says that he was an ex. Dean says, "His loss," and she walks really close to him and goes like, "Might be your gain." I'm sick of Eric Kripke, I hate everything, and I hope he dies, literally forever.

G: I- Well, okay, what are you upset about specifically? The flirting? Like, every female character is like-

C: I just wish women could be normal on Supernatural.

G: Yeah, I quite like that she has a tattoo of "Jesse Forever" on her lower back.

C: That's fun, yeah.

G: I think that's super fun. But like yeah, the whole thing where it's like, "Oh, every girl that's on screen is like soo into the Sam and Dean. They think they're soo hot and they wanna fuck them soo bad" [C laughs] is like a whole thing Supernatural does.

C: Yeah. It's just really really annoying.

G: But I do like Puhmela. Or is it Pamela? I'm not sure.

C: I think it's Pamela. Is she- What else is she in? Besides "Dark Side of the Moon"?

G: She dies later.

C: Oh. [laughs] Well, yeah, I guess she would have to die to be in "Dark Side of the Moon." RIP.

Yeah, so Sam is like, so amused at this. He looks so happy and says that she's gonna eat Dean alive. And then Pamela goes like, "Sam, you're invited too, grumpy." And Sam makes like, another incredibly amused face, and Dean goes, "You are not invited." Dean said no to Wincest, and he's right.

G: He's right.

So Pamela, everybody, are seated down, and Pamela's like, "Alright. Take each other's hands, and I need to touch something our mystery monster touched." And this time, she slides her head along like, Dean's, I don't know, crotch area, thighs, whatever.

C: Yeah.

G: And Dean is like, offended by this, which, I feel bad. I don't like this. Like prior to this, Pamela is like, super fun character. And this, I was like, "Aw." But, you know, [laughs] I'm choosing to ignore it as part of her characterization, so.

C: Doesn't she also, in "Dark Side of the Moon," like, also kind of sexually assault Dean, though?

G: I don't know. I don't remember, actually. I don't remember.

C: Like, when they meet up, she like, grabs him and kisses him, and like, he just looks like, confused and surprised by it, and then she goes like, "I always wanted to do that."

G: Oh. So this is a character thing for her, for real.

C: Yeah.

G: Sad.

C: I don't think the writers view this as sexual assault. Like, I think Eric Kripke viewed like, Meg's thing in "Shadow" as sexual assault, but like, he's like, "If she's hot, and like, they generally like her, then-"

G: "It's fine," yeah.

C: "-it doesn't count as sexual assault 'cause they're just into it." Even like, when they're not into it and it's not clear that permission was given beforehand. But like, it is bad.

G: Yeah.

Anyway, Dean takes off his plaid shirt and pulls up his sleeve to reveal the handprint. Which - I'm so fascinated by this. The transcript calls it "the brand."

C: Oh. Hello. Okay.

G: Love that. Literally, he branded Dean. Anyway, Pamela puts her hand on the brand, and they start doing a chant. So it's like, "I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle!" [C laughs] It's a whole thing. And at some point she goes, "Castiel? [C screams] No, sorry, Castiel. I don't scare easy." And Dean's like, "Castiel?" And this is in one of those compilations where, like, "First time he says his name!"-type shit. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: It's literally it's the first time he says his name. Anyway, the table starts shaking, and Pamela's like, "That's his name! It's whispering to me. It's warning me to not look at it." Stuff like that. And Bobby says, "Maybe we should stop." And Puhmela just keeps on going- Pamela just keeps on going, and says, "Show me your face! Show me your face, now!" And the candles in the middle of the table erupt. And we see this really cool shot where like, in the candle area, so everything is on fire, or like, there's flames everywhere, and like, we're zooming into Pamela's eyes, and her eyes are burning up.

C: Yes. There's like, blood dripping from them. It is such a good visual.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Bobby's like, "Call 911!" and Sam does. And while Dean and Bobby are like, over the body, and she's like, "I can't see! I can't see!" I mean, at least she's alive. Like, that's such an intense thing.

C: Yeah. Yeah. Geez.

-

C: So we cut to Sam and Dean in a diner. And I guess I am annoyed that we don't see her again this episode, but like, I guess I'm glad she comes back, but not that glad if she just comes back to die. But yeah, this whole scene was just like, the Supernatural speedrun of like, "Woman with only personality trait being that she wants to fuck Dean so bad, being fanservice, and then being like, a victim of a horrible thing" [G laughs] all within like, 3 minutes. Good for her. [laughs]

They're in the diner, and Sam finds out from Bobby on the phone that Pamela is alright, but like, obviously, she is blind now. And Sam and Dean have a disagreement on what to do next. Dean wants to use Cas's name to sort of like, track him down and question him, and Sam thinks that's too dangerous, and he would rather track down the demons that are in town and ask them for information. So this waitress sits down, and she is about to have the worst fucking day of her life. Each member of Team Free Will is going to harm her [G laughs] during their own little moments. So she sits down, and Dean asks if she's angling for a tip with like, a weird smirk? [laughing] Like- what does he think is happening? Do waitresses sit down and go like, "I will let you feel me up if you give me money?" Like, what does he think is happening?

G: I read this as like, "What are you doing?" Like that.

C: Okay. Yeah, that could just be it. And she says, like, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were looking for us." And then her eyes go black! And then the two other people who are in the diner, their eyes also go black, and then one of them locks the door. So fun!

So the main demon talks to them, and, you know, she's being all sinister and shit. She seems upset that Dean got out of Hell. Like, "What makes you so special?" she asks. And then Dean says... definitely a line that sure exists in the world.

G: Yeah.

C: Which is, "I like to think it's because of my perky nipples."

G: Love that.

C: What- What does it mean? The humor is just supposed to be like, WTF humor or whatever is like the brand, but like, what? Okay, I mean, I guess it works because I am saying "What?" The Demon thinks that he's lying, and she also says that she's gonna drag Dean back to Hell unless he minds his tone with her. And then Dean goes like, "Oh, actually, you won't because you would have done it already if that was true. And since you don't know who got me out of Hell, but you do know that it's someone who's incredibly powerful, going against their will and putting me back could like, bring their wrath upon you. So like, you're too afraid to do anything." And she threatens him again, and then- [sighs] He is like- To prove that "No, you won't," he punches her in the face, or slaps.

G: Yeah. Punches her.

C: And then he does it again, and she still does nothing. And then he goes, "That's what I thought. Let's go." And then like, just to like, add insult to injury, like after Sam starts heading out, Dean takes like, a fiver out of his pocket and like, drops it on the table, and he's like, "Oh, here's your tip." I- [sighs] Put him back in the ground, right now. I'm done with him.

G: No!

C: Put him back in the ground.

G: First of all, people call it a fiver? That's so cute. Is it a tenner as well? Is it a tenner?

C: I have not heard tenner as much. I feel like fiver is the only one that I've heard used.

G: Yeah. Because like, the higher you go, the less good it gets.

C: A hundreder.

G: It's like, a twentier. Like, what are you talking about?

-

G: Anyway, like, they get out. And Dean, you know, reveals that he was scared as shit. He's like, "Holy crap." At some point, Dean says, like, "There's three of them there, and there ae probably more, and we only got one knife." And Sam says, "I've been killing a lot more demons than that lately."

C: Ooh.

G: And Dean says, "Well, not anymore." And he does a whole thing where he's like, "The smarter brother's back in town." And Sam keeps on insisting that they need to take on these demons because they're dangerous, and Dean is saying like, "We don't have to. They're as scared as us. So we're dealing with bigger things here, so we don't have to deal with these small-time demons right now."

They go back to the motel, and Dean is on the couch- is like on the couch or like, on the bed? He's sleeping.

C: A couch.

G: Yeah, he's sleeping. And Sam checks, and he's like, "Ah, Dean is asleep." So he sneaks out and drives away in the Impala.

C: I love with Sam drives the Impala. He should do it all of the time.

G: Yeah. Dean, like, is still sleeping, when suddenly, high-pitched radio- like, the same static as before, from the gas station, starts happening in this motel. It wakes Dean up, and then he realizes what's happening, so he grabs the shotgun, looks around, and then sees that Sam is not there. And then the high-pitched noise starts happening for realsies this time. And then his ears start bleeding.

C: Yesss.

G: First of all, I just want to say that this this motel is so funky. It's like, leopard print, and then red, which is so fun, and I feel like they should have done- After their reunion, they should have done a "Provenance"-esque scene [C laughs] where they look around this motel, and I don't care if it ruins the vibe. I don't care if it ruins the pacing. They should have done it.

C: I agree.

G: There's a mirror ceiling, and it shatters, and it rains on Dean, the broken glass. And his like, ears are bleeding, and he's on the ground. He's screaming as well, and Bobby is like, "Ah! Dean!" And he tries to pick up Dean and everything.

C: Yeah. The visuals of this scene are soo good. I love to see a character in a mirror, and then the mirror cracks.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, easiest symbolism ever, and everyone should do it all of the time.

Also, I'm interested in the fact that Cas only tries to communicate with Dean when he's alone.

G: Yeah, he don't give a fuck about everyone else.

C: He waited for Sam to leave, and then he like, did that. How much does Cas know about Sam at this point? 'Cause when they meet in 4.07, I know he like, calls Sam an abomination and "The boy with the demon blood."

G: "Boyy with the demon blood," yeah.

C: Yeah. Does he know at this point that, like, Sam is to be Lucifer's vessel.

G: Perhaps.

C: Yeah. So I guess maybe that's why he has a vested interest in talking to Dean without Sam.

-

C: So Bobby is driving his own car. Dean decides to call Sam, and we see that Sam is outside of the diner that they were in earlier, ready to kill some demons. And the two of them talk, and they're like, "Oh, where are you? What are you doing?" And Sam's like, "Oh, I went to get a burger." Dean questions him taking the Impala, and Sam calls it a force of habit, which I like. And then Dean lies that he and Bobby are going to go grab a beer. And then they hang up, having both lied to each other.

G: Yeah. I just realized the reason why Dean was not suspicious at all. It's because Sam didn't have the knife.

C: Yes! I love that detail.

G: Yes, I love that detail as well. "Oh, for sure Sam didn't go after the demons, because how could he? He doesn't have the knife." Uh-uh. Love that.

C: So Dean says that he didn't tell- Oh, sorry. Dean tells Bobby that he didn't try to tell Sam what they were doing because Sam tried to stop them from summoning the apparently demon who got Dean out. And he pulls out Ruby's knife, as you mentioned. And yeah, it's a great detail. Because first, yeah, Dean's not suspicious because Sam doesn't have the knife. And like, second, we know that Sam is there without the knife now, and it's like, a fun little taste of like knowing, "Oh, he has some other way of killing these demons now."

G: Yeah.

C: Quick question. What happened to just like, regular exorcisms?

G: It's too tedious, man.

C: Like, it's just easier to squint your eyes really hard and try to shit whilst taking your hand out than like, saying a few words?

G: Yeah!

C: Okay. [laughs] Okay, 'cause, okay. The powers- Is that exorcism or is he like, killing the demon but without harming the vessel?

G: I mean, that's exorcism as well.

C: No, exorcism sends them back to- the Colt sends them to the Empty.

G: No, no, he specifically says here that this demon is going back to Hell, so.

C: So literally, what's the point? Can't he-

G: He could get a clip-on speaker [C laughs] that's just playing the exorcism non-stop, and it would have the same effect.

C: Yeah, like, actually like what's the point?

G: Yeah.

C: I don't get it. Maybe we'll find out later. I don't- apparently, some demons have like, enough power that like, exorcisms don't work on them? Is that a thing?

G: Yeah, I'm not sure. Also, it develops to be able to kill.

C: Oh, okay, so like, if he like, continues being more powerful, like, eventually he'll send their asses to the Empty.

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. Then I guess that's fine. Right now, this is kind of silly.

So we see that Sam breaks into the diner, and there's a song playing on the jukebox, which I very like for the vibe. I think in like 2.21, there's also like, a diner violence scene, where, like, they see a bunch of corpses, and there's a jukebox song playing, and it's a good aesthetic.

So he goes in, and there's like- one of the demons is like dead on the floor, and when Sam turns him over, his eyes are burned out and bleeding the way that Pamela's were. And then the waitress from earlier attacks him, and her eyes are also burned out. It's a very fun visual. And she says that she could tell it was Sam, because she can smell his soul a mile away. And she's like sobbing about how she saw "it." And whatever like, came to her is "the end." And she says, "We're dead. We're all dead." Agh, I love the build up in this episode. Like, all the fucking suspense. And then Cas like, delivers. He really does.

G: Yeah!

C: And Sam's like, "Go to Hell." And then we get the first time that Sam uses his power on screen. He's like- I don't know. Like, he closes his eyes and reaches a hand out, and he has like- he's shaking with effort or like whatever, and like, she starts like like choking and coughing up black smoke and struggling-

G: Yeah! She's like- she's almost- you think she's gonna vomit, but she's vomiting smoke, and that's super cool. Like, that's the first time we see a demon get un- like, get exorcised in that way, right?

C: Yeah.

G: Because the other ones are like, just screaming, crying, and then like, "Ahh!" like fully expelling it like that. But this one is like, it's so physical. Like, it's so connected to her body. And I like that.

C: Yeah. Yeah. I like it also. And she collapses, and the first thing Sam does when he opens his eyes is go over and check if the vessel is still alive, but she isn't. And Sam goes, "Dammit." And then the doors to the kitchen opens, and who comes out but Ruby, who we thought was Kristy before! And she's like, in her leather jacket getup now, so she's more familiar. And she goes like, "Getting pretty slick there, Sam. Better all the time." And then Sam goes, "What the hell is going on around here... Ruby?"

G: Ahhh!

C: Which is the reveal for the rest of the audience. Agh. I love it! I love it. I love it so much. Ruby says that she has no clue what is happening and that like, what's happened is like, equivalent to the sky bleeding and the ground quaking. "It's cosmic." And no demon, not even Lilith, is able to do that. And- yeah, I've seen this scene a lot. And I don't think Genevieve Cortese is that good of an actress in it, but also like, who cares? It's fun.

G: Yeah.

C: And yeah. Sam is like, "What can do it?" And Ruby goes, "Nothing I've ever seen before."

-

G: So we go to Bobby, Dean. They're just setting shit up. And Bobby's like, unconvinced. Dean is like, "We've got everything here!" But Bobby's like, "And then what?"

C: You know what Bobby says?

G: What?

C: "Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe."

G: Love that! Love that.

C: Bobby said every religion, every culture!

G: He said "every religion," baby! And Bobby's unconvinced. He still thinks it's a bad idea. But Dean is like, "Well, should we start the summoning now?" And then they do.

Anyway, back to Sam and Ruby. [laugh/screams] We're getting near! [laughs]

C: Also, the diner's lighting looks so good because like, they're in the dark-

G: Yeah, they are.

C: But there's like, red light in the windows, like-

G: They're still there! I can't believe they didn't go out. It's like, there's dead people there. What if somebody shows up?

C: Yeah, good point. I don't know.

G: They'll just kill them? [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway, so Sam and Ruby are seated there, and Ruby asks if Sam is ever going to tell Dean about what, you know, is going on between them. And Sams says yeah, but he's got to figure out a way to say it for real. And Ruby does this whole thing where she's like, "If he finds it out from anyone other than you, he's gonna be pissed, and maybe I should step back for a while. Because he's your brother, and I'm not going to come between you two." [C laughing] Good for her!

C: I love when women lie.

G: Also, this is manipulation, right? This is like, manipulation. I love that.

C: What? Yeah. I love it. I love it so much.

G: And Sam's like, "I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't even know if I trust you." [laughs] And Ruby just automatically goes, "Thanks." And Sam's like, [dramatically] "But what I do know is that I'm saving people and stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going." [C laughs] I mean, he doesn't say it like that, but, you know. [laughs] He's so dramatic.

So. We're here!! We're here, Crystal. We're here.

C: Yes.

-

[transcriber's note: about half of the "laugh"s in the following scenes are giddy and might be better described as giggles]

G: Dean and Bobby are just seated around, and they're like- there's like- the shot is like- I have every single shot of this scene memorized, but it's like, their legs, and it pans up to Dean who's like, "Ugh, what's happening? Did you get the ritual right?" And Bobby's like, "Fuck off."

C: And this is the moment that my notes transform from being in lowercase to all caps for an entire page. [G laughs]

G: I didn't even take notes for this scene. I was literally just watching it, reciting every single line as it happens. [both laugh]

C: Well, I got to take notes because I was literally like, rocking back and forth in my chair. like, screaming out loud, and then, like, pausing every five seconds and writing something down, and then going back to screaming.

G: Yeah. Anyway. There's a loud sound that starts happening. Like, stuff is falling on the roof. And then they position themselves, Bobby and Dean, and they're- and Dean says, "Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind." [both laugh] And then, the door busts open, and it's... It's Castiel!

D: It's fucking Castiel!

C: It's fucking Castiel! It's Cas!

D: It's the little guy! [laughing] It's the one everyone loves.

G: It's Castiel! [laughs] And also, it's Danica!

C: And our guest. Hi, this is Danica.

D: And also hi, it's me. [laughs]

G: Yeah!

D: I'm Crystal's ex-fiancee. Yeah, no, I'm here now, and so is fucking Cas. He looks so fucking good! It's crazy.

C: It looks so good!

G: Yeah, it's insane how good Cas looked in Season 4. Like, it's genuinely ball to the wall bonkers.

C: I know.

G: Like, the slope of his nose? Like, what's going on? [laugh/screams] Anyway. [C laughs]

C: He's just such a babygirl in Season 4! It's wild.

G: It is! He looks so young-

D: I'm sorry. I thought he looked kind of ugly. [laughs] Sorry.

G: No!! What are you talking about? [C and D laughing] Why are you here? [laughing]

C: Is it because his hair looks a little bit-

D: Maybe, yeah.

C: - messier than it usually does?

D: Maybe, yeah. They hadn't nailed the Cas look here. But I thought he looked cool, anyway. Like, even ugly people can be cool and awesome when the lights are blowing out.

C: That's true. It's true.

G: He looks so like, scrungly. Like, I know that's a Tumblr term, and not a real word [C laughs], but he looks so scrungly.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, his hair is a mess. His coat is too big. He looks tiny. Ah!

C: Yes. He does look tiny.

D: His eyes are like, fucking crazy.

C: I know! I know! [D laughs] [G screams] He has such big kitty eyes!

D: Yeah, exactly. The transcript just says directly, like, "The door bursts open, and a handsome man in a business suit and trenchcoat stalks in. [G laughs] Castiel." Like, so true.

G: Stop it! They call him handsome! They call him handsome.

D: [laughs] Yeah.

G: So it is factual. It is factually correct.

D: It is canon, yeah.

G: Yeah.

D: Okay, but yeah, no, he's like, fucking walking past all the like, demon sigils or whatever. It's fucking incredible.

G: Yeah!

D: And then, you know, Dean and Bobby try to shoot him. It doesn't do anything. Dean takes the fucking demon knife and stabs him-

C: Yes.

D: - and it doesn't do shit, obviously.

G: Yeah!

D: He pulls it out. It looks great.

C: Yeah. Well, they talk before that. Where Dean goes, "Who are you?" And Cas says, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

G: You know what?

C: And then Dean goes, "Yeah. Thanks for that." And then he stabs him!! Yeah?

G: Like, the "gripped you tight and raised you from perdition" line, like, I don't know why, but it caught me off guard. It's like the handprint. Like, the iconic parts are the ones that I'm like, "Oh my god! Yeah! That happens, like, for real!" And this one, when he said, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," I had to pause because I could not contain myself. Like, I was screaming, crying, moaning. [C laughs] Throwing up, even. Like, it was- I don't know! It's such a good line! Like, it's such a good introduction of a character.

C: Yeah. Yes.

G: Like, he doesn't say his name. He says what he did.

C: Yes.

G: And I feel like that is such quintessential early seasons Cas. Like, it doesn't even matter who he is. It just matters like, what his role is in the story, or like, what he is asked to do.

C: Yeah.

G: So like, "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from peridition" is like, such like, "I did this service for you!" And like, I feel like, like, thinking about it, he started off as this character that's literally like, "This is what I did for you." And then, like, he ends off as like a character who's like, "This is what I felt for you." And it's like, I don't know. I love that! I love that so much.

C: Yeah. And ah, I just- I love his face 'cause, like, he's just making very few facial expressions as he's like, walking forward and getting shot-

G: Yeah!

C: And the fucking light bulbs explode. And he like, approaches with just like, such an open expression, I think, like, before Dean stabs him. Like, it just does not occur to him that Dean would-

G: Be upset! Yeah!

C: Distrust him. And it does not matter to him that, like, Dean is trying to hurt him, because, like, it means so nothing to him that, like, he's not even registering it as like, a hint of what Dean might feel.

G: Yeah! And it's like, I don't know. He's so excited to be there! [C and D laughing] You can see- like, he's excited to be there. Like, he's happy to see Dean. And it's just- I don't know. It's so- [sobs]

D: It's also just like- It's just such a fucking cool scene. Because, you know Supernatural, like usually, when they try to make a character look, like, supernatural, they have to use effects and stuff, like with the demon eyes.

C, G: Yeah.

D: But here, like, everything is so practical. Like, the lights blowing and the glass blowing. And like, it's so funny because like, this is all like, obviously like, prop weapons and guns, right? And they can just make him look cool by having him not like, pretend to fall down and die when, like, all this stuff gets stuck in him.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: It's the same deal with the wings. Like, they don't try to show it. It's just, there's lightning, and the shadow results from it. Like, that's related to it in a way where it looks so cool because it feel so grounded in like, reality. There's no like, special effects that change Cas as we see him. It's just like, "Oh, there's lightning." And, "Ooh, there's a shadow of wings!" "Oh, like he does-" His eyes don't change color, or whatever. He doesn't show off any power that is physic- that's visual. Like, he knocks Bobby out, but that's all auditory. Like, you hear his power, but you don't see it. And that just adds to the layer of like, realism in a way. That's why I think he's so realistically cool, as Danica said.

C: Oh, it's just like- right, it's just like- I think the vibe is more like, his powers and his form-

G: Is unfathomable! Unfathomable!

C: - operates on like, a completely different plane of reality from us, so all we get is like, little hints of what he can do, and that makes it seem a lot cooler.

G: Yeah. Yeah.

D: But yeah, okay, I've been like- I mean, I haven't been watching for the past three seasons, like, because, you know, I'm so awesome and cool, [C laughing] I didn't want to watch Supernatural until Cas showed up. But like, I'm kind of wracking my brain, and like, has Supernatural ever looked this cool and good? [laughing]

C: No!

D: I feel like even if it wasn't Cas, like, they've never even looked like, this impressive and like, interesting.

G: No.

C: No.

G: It has never looked this cool. This is the coolest Supernatural-

C: Blew their production budget on this scene, I know it. [D laughs]

G: Yeah! And basically, the next- [laughs] the next scene is like, Dean stabs him, right? And then Cas just looks down and pulls out the knife, completely unconcerned. Like, even, I would say, slightly amused.

C: Yeah!

G: He like, looks at it, and he's like, "Ooh! [laughs] I got stabbed!" [laughs] Like, he's so cute! Yeah.

Bobby, like tries to attack Cas, but Cas is like, "Okay!" and grabs the- I think the tire- this is like a car thing, right? The thing that Bobby attacked him with?

C: Yeah, the tire iron or something.

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cas like, touches Bobby's forehead and Bobby collapses to the ground. And while this is happening, the sound, as I mentioned earlier, is like, whispering like, Enochian or something. And it's super cool, because again, it's like, there's no visual sense that, like, something magical or like, something supernatural is happening, but we can hear it, and that's super cool.

C: Yeah.

G: And I'm kind of sad that we don't hear it in future episodes, you know? Like, in future episodes there's not much like, whispering whenever Cas gets knock- Cas knocks someone out.

C: Yeah. I also love these two actions so much because it's like, he like, just pulls out the knife like, the minimum amount that you would need to get it out. And then he just opens his hand, and it drops on the floor. Like, he doesn't throw it. Like- and then when he puts Bobby to sleep, Bobby just like, drops, you know? Like, these are both actions where, like, he's doing just like, the minimum, tiniest amount of effort, and then gravity does the rest, and it just makes him look soo cool and like, nonchalant, and he's just so good! [G scream/laughs]

G: Yeah. And it's- He says, [seriously] "We need to talk, Dean." And then he looks over at Bobby. And then he looks up at Dean again and goes, "Alone."

C: Alone.

-

C: So we cut to a little bit later in the barn, and Dean's checking on Bobby and Cas says, like, "Don't worry, he's alive." Dean asks, "Who are you?" And Cas says, "Castiel." [screams]

G: Yeah!

C: He's literally Castiel!!! [C and G laughing] [G screams] He literally is Castiel, though!

G: He literally is.

C: Yeah. And Dean asks, "Yeah, I know that. But what are you?" Racist. [laughs] And Cas says [C and G], "I'm an angel of the lord." [screams] [laughing] He literally is an angel of the lord!

G: And this is the part- like, this entire scene, from like, "Who are you?" "Castiel." Like, I have this entire scene memorized. I can recite it.

C: Yeah, you can quote it. It's soo good.

G: Yeah. And the entire time while I was watching this, I literally was just reciting it. Like, I was watching it, and I was like, [dramatically] "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." [C laughs] Like, at the same time that Dean says it. [laughs]

C: Yeah. So so correct of you.

G: Completely normal watching experience.

C: So, yeah, like you said, Dean tells Cas, "Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." And I don't- I can't really tell what his expressions and feelings are right now.

G: He's seems so amused. Like, the only time he stops being amused-

C: Oh, I mean Dean. I know what Cas is thinking, I think.

G: [laughing] I do not care about Dean. [all laugh] I only care about what Cas is thinking.

C: This is a wonderful point.

G: Like, I don't- I actually don't know. Like, I think he's just more surprised, and, like, I don't think he prepared to be one-on-one with Cas. Because he was preparing for it to be a battle, or like, to have it be with Bobby. So now that he's talking-

C: Yeah, and to end with like, tying him up and interrogating him or something instead of like, this.

G: Yeah.

C: And Cas says, “This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith." And then we get the scene that is the most viewed screenshot on Home of the Nutty, where we see Cas's shadow wings. It's like- like, okay, we zoom out, and we see, Cas in his entirety against like, a wall. And then, there's a flash of lightning, and then, in that flash we see the shadows of like, these giant wings, like, come- like, appear. And then, like, flap a tiny bit. And then, when the lightning stops flashing, the wings are gone. And it looks sooo cool. [D laughs] I love the way angel wings are done in Supernatural. He looks so good! And also like, in the zoom out, we can see his trenchcoat more, and we can see that there's like, a little dab of blood on it, and there's like, bullet holes in it, and he looks sooo good, and I'm so sad that he repaired it.

D: Whose idea was it to do shadow wings? Like, who- Do you think they were going to do angel wings originally, and then someone was like, "No, like, that's gonna fucking suck." Or did Eric Kripke just like, come up with this. Like, all by himself.

C: Um, let's say Mary Ann Liu did it to like, redeem her a little bit. [laughs]

D: Yeah, okay, I'll assume that. I'll believe that.

G: Yeah, I believe it as well. [C laughs] To be to be clear, the wings did not flap. They unfurled. So like, yes.

C: Oh, okay, yes.

G: I mean, it looks cooler- it sounds cooler, "unfurl" than like, fucking "flapped." [laughing]

C: You're right. I'm sorry for painting an insufficient word picture.

G: Yeah! We are a respectable podcast.

C: Dean tells him like, "Well, you know, you're kind of a shitty angel because you burned out that poor woman's eyes." And Cas said that, "Well, I warned her not to look at my true form," which he did, and he says that his true form can be overwhelming to humans, and so can his real voice. "But you already knew that." So Dean realizes that it's- the gas station and the motel, the glass shattering and all that, that was Cas trying to speak.

G: And he says, "Buddy-"

C: And Dean calls him [C and G] "buddy"! He says, "[C and G] Buddy, [G laughs] next time, lower the volume." And I guess that will be his buddy.

G: That is his buddy.

C: And Cas says like, "That was my mistake. Certain people, special people can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. [G scream/laughs] I was wrong." God! He's so good, he's so good, he's so so good.

G: I just love that- I love that he assumed Dean would be special. And then Dean isn't.

C: Yeah.

G: I love that. Like, I genuinely love that because, like, you know, Supernatural, Sam and Dean show, like Sam and Dean have all the special blah blah blah. But like, in this one instance, he doesn't, and yet. Like, that's the point, right? Like, he's not special, he can't see Cas, he can't perceive him, and yet, look at where they go, you know? Look at what they become. And, I mean, it's been talked so much, but like, the whole concept of like, Dean can't even see him. Like, you can't even know him.

C: Yeah.

G: He's unfathomable. And yet. And it's like, it's just so good! And I don't know, I really like that like Cas was like, "Oh my god! He's so special! He's gonna see me for real!" [C laughs] And then he didn't.

C: Yeah, I mean, he knows that Dean is Michael's vessel at this point, right?

G: I mean, who give a shit? [C and G laughing]

C: Okay, you're right. [laughing] It was purely because he had a little crush. We can move on.

G: [laughing] Yeah. Yeah.

C: Does the idea that certain people can actually hear angel voices outside of being filtered through a vessel come up later in Supernatural? Like, does Jimmy hear Cas?

G: Jimmy hears Cas, yes.

C: Okay. So he is one of the special people.

G: Yeah.

C: So I guess, is being able to hear a true voice about about like, vessel compatibility, then?

G: No, I think Jimmy was just special.

C: Okay. Good for him.

So speaking of Jimmy, Dean asks like, "What visage are you in now? Holy tax accountant?" And Cas says, "This is a vessel." And like, he does a thing where he like, sort of looks down at himself, and he's sort of like-

G: And he lifts his coat! It's so cute!

C: - he lifts his trenchcoat a little to be like, "Ta-da!" And it's soooo cute, it's so cute. Ah! [laughs] So Dean goes, "You're possessing some poor bastard?" And Cas says that he was a devout man who actually prayed for this. God. Like, specifically this? Jimmy Novak is fascinating to me. [G laughs]

D: Yeah.

C: Like, "Here I am, a Christian man with my wife and my daughter, happy to sell ad time on the radio, and every night, I'm gonna pray that an angel fucking possesses me."

G: So real of him.

D: Like, he wanted a man inside him for real.

C: [laughing] So true.

G: Yeah.

D: Okay, if you think about it, like where even in the Bible- like, this is not a Biblical thing, right?

G: Yeah, I know.

D: So he prayed for specifically this. Like, he was just like [C laughing], "I think that angels probably need to possess people to be on earth. And I would just really like to be that. Just a totally empty, speechless vessel for God." Like, and he just invented that shit. Like, all by himself, as far as I can tell.

C: He did!

G: Maybe the prayer is like, "I want to be a vessel for good. Of Heaven. I want to be a tool for the plans of Heaven," you know? Maybe it's more ambiguous.

C: Oh yeah, people do talk about being a tool for heaven. Yeah, but like also, what if he guessed all of lore correctly, just by himself? [G and D laugh] He was like, "Wouldn't it be neat if?"

D: Yeah. He was just having a little think about it.

-

C: So Dean says that he doesn't like, trust what Cas is saying, and he says, "So who are you, really?" And we get baby's first head tilt!!!! [screams]

G: Baby's first frown!

C: Oh my god!! He frowned a little, and he tilts his head, and he's just such a little guy! He's just the littlest guy of all time! And he goes, [hurt] "I told you." And I remember when I first watched this scene on YouTube, like, this was the moment when I was like, "Oh, I'm a Casgirl for real." [D laughs] Like, just like, he just is confused. Like, he just straight up doesn't get it. He's like, "What do you mean? I told you."

G: "I already told you!" Yeah!

C: Yeah, like, "I said it. You heard the words. Why are you asking again?" I just- Oh my god, I love him sooo much! And it's- okay, like we learn later that Cas been on Earth before and he's had experience with humans before-

G: Yeah.

C: - though at this point, I think they're still just playing up like, the alien thing because they don't know that yet. And also, he's gotten mind-wiped a lot. But like, agh. I just love that he's just such a guy. He's such a guy. He is the autism creature, and he is such a guy.

G: From what we see of his experience on Earth, though, he's not usually with humans. He's mostly with angels.

C: That's true. He's not interacting.

G: Yeah yeah yeah.

C: Right. Which yeah, that brings up some fun thoughts about, I guess, like, angel relationships. I guess- because, like later, we pretty much only see Cas having like, a contentious relationship with angels in the future. But I guess, like, angels just don't lie to each other and generally trust each other, I guess, is what we're supposed to get from this. Like, the culture of angels and stuff. And yeah, they're all like, siblings or whatever, and they all like, sort of have a hive mind sitch going on with angel radio, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. So like, agh. This is just so fun that we get to learn about angels and shit a little bit by the ways that he's reacting to Dean being, in his mind, a fucking weirdo. And Dean goes, "Okay, yeah. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?" He basically says it like that. He's like, twisting his face up a lot.

G: Yeah. [growly] "Why would an angel. Rescue me. From Hell?" [C and G laugh] Like that.

C: Right.

G: And then Cas says-!

C: "Good things do happen, Dean." Ahhh!

G: "Not in my experience." That's Dean replying. He says, "Not in my experience." And Cas says-! [G and C] "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" I'm gonna- [D laughs] [claps] and die.

C: I think between "What's the matter?" and the second sentence, like, he sort of like, does a thing where- with his eyes where he's like making like a realization face, you know?

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C: Like, he thought of that, like, in the moment. Ahh! He's such an icon! Everything he does is soo good! I need to make out with him right now or I'll die! [laughing] Anyway.

G: Yeah. And Dean asks, "Why'd you do it?" And then Cas says the final line of this iconic, iconic episode. "Because God commanded it. [G and C] Because we have work for you."

C: [slaps desk] Boom.

-

G: I love it!

C: Ahhh!

G: I mean-

C: He's literally here. He's such a fucking guy.

G: Yeah.

D: Oh, wait, do you guys see the deleted scene on the transcript-

C, G: Yes.

D: - where it's like-

G: He talks about his cock.

C: Yeah, the one where Dean says his dick is gigantic? [D and G laugh] I've watched the footage of that.

D: Yeah. I love that they thought that was like, still worthy of a deleted scene. God. It's like an extra two seconds, and it's a whole other section on the transcript.

C: I know! Yeah. Okay, for context, what happens is that after Cas reveals that he's in a vessel, he says that "Finding a human vessel durable enough to contain me, it's not easy," and Dean says, [laughing] "I have that same problem with women."

D: And there's like a pause, [C laughs] and then Dean just skips ahead because like, it wasn't funny and Castiel didn't laugh.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. It's such a- I don't think I would have liked it.

C: Yeah. It would have been so annoying.

G: If he was like [laughs] [deepens voice] "My dick is soo big, dude. You don't even know." [C and D laugh]

C: Yeah, I'm really glad they cut that. What an Eric Kripke thing to put in.

G: What are our post-episode thoughts?

C: That's like, literally Cas. Like, he's there. Like, he's literally- That's him. That's my thoughts. The end.

G: Yeah. You, Danica.

D: So, you know, like, hbomberguy has that video about Pathologic or whatever.

G: [laughing] Yeah yeah yeah.

D: And he said one of the things on the game that's- [laughs] One of the things about the game that's interesting is like, when you switch playing from like, one character to another, it's like, one character is not- like, he doesn't do like, herbs and medicine and shit, so when he just sees like, a field, it's like totally barren. But when you switch to the other character, it's like, he just sees like, totally useful plants in there.

C, G: Yeah, yeah.

D: Like, that's how I feel when you guys are talking about Castiel. [C laughing] It's like, I think he's cool and all, but you guys are like, "Baby's first head tilt"? Like, what the fuck? [C and G laughing] Like- Yeah.

G: [laughing] Okay.

D: And you were like, "And he fiddled with his trenchcoat that one time-"

C: He did!

D: It's like, "I have no idea what you're talking about." [G laughing]

C: He did do that!

D: I mean, apparently, he did do that. Yeah.

G: [laughing] He did it on livestream! We saw that shit! [all laughing]

C: But yeah, no, that makes total sense.

D: But yeah, I do agree, yeah. Like, he is a cool little guy and all. So I do love that, you know.

C, G: Yeah.

D: And that was my entire thoughts about that episode. Yeah, like, he was also a cool little guy, [C laughs] you know.

C, G: Yeah.

C: Anything about the rest of it?

D: Yeah. Sam should have- Like, it would have been funny if Sam nailed the coffin stronger [C laughing], so Cas brought Dean back, but he couldn't get out of the coffin, so he suffocated to death, and then just went straight back to Hell.

C: [laughing] That would be funny.

G: Slay.

D: Yeah, I think that would have been a pretty funny 5-minute scene.

C: Yeah.

G: I think Cas would resurrect him, though. I think Cas would be like, "God fucking dammit."

D: Oh, just like, over and over again?

G: Yeah, like the cockroach!

C: [laughing] And at no point did he think that [D laughs], "Maybe I should take him out of the coffin"?

G: Yeah. Yeah. It's beyond him. He's unfathomable, Crystal. [C and D laugh]

C: Yeah.

D: True. It's like "Mystery Spot" 2.

G: Exactly.

C: Right, yes. But each time, it's just him dying in the coffin. Like, there's no new material.

G: Yeah. And he remembers every single one of them.

C: Yes.

G: Okay, my thoughts for this episode is, I mean, it's iconic. It's truly iconic, for like, a good reason. And- I don't know. I think it slays! Those are my three comments. [C laughs] So, yeah.

-

G: Best Line/Worst Line. I'll start with my best line, which is, "Certain people, special people-" where is it? "-Can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong." Like I said earlier, I love the implication. I love the whole "Dean is not the specialest little boy in this occasion, he's just a guy, and yet."

C: Yeah. Cas loves bug, bug loves Cas, etc.

G: Etc.

C: I think my best line is the one I said made me like Cas so much the first time, which is just the like, "I told you."

G: Yeah!

C: Like, he literally did tell him! Ahh! [G laughing]

G: How about you, Danica?

D: Yeah, you know what? Fuck Cas. My best line is, "It's Kristy."

C: [laughs] Yes!

D: Like, she was so fucking funny there. [laughs]

G: She's so funny.

D: Sorry. Sorry to "gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," and "I'm an angel of the lord." Like, she was fucking hilarious. It made me laugh. Like, she's great. I love it when women lie, so.

C: She's so funny. [all] Yeah.

G: Love it! For worst line, I'm not really sure.

C: I think- I just fucking hated the scene where Dean punches that woman twice and then leaves her a fiver. Like-

G: Yeah.

C: It just- like, the visuals of it are just- It's bad to look at a man hitting a woman repeatedly, and her doing nothing, and him getting like, a power kick thing out of it. Like, I know she's a demon, but like- especially because, like, she's possessing a waitress, and like, female service workers already go through like, so much harassment all the time. It's just like, eugh. It's so annoying. So if Dean said any lines during that scene, those are my worst. [laughs]

G: Real.

D: Can I also say that's my worst? Like, I feel like if he wanted- I mean, like, why- Like, I'm still trying to ask myself, like, why did he do it?

C: [laughs] Yeah.

D: Like, I know it's like to prove that he was invulnerable, but like, he could have just stood up and left.

C: Yeah!

D: Like, what is this for? Like, why was it even written into the show? Like, I mean, I'm thinking like- maybe this is like a self-hatred thing, because Dean knows that, like, he would have been a demon would this- had this fucky thing not happened to him, right? Because he brok in Hell, right?

C: Yeah.

D: So maybe it's like, he's upset with her. But like, I don't care? Like, fuck you? You know?

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

D: Like, I'm tired of trying to be like, "Oh, like, I'm sure this is like, some thing going on in Dean's head that he's like, upset about." Like, I don't give a shit. Like, if it wasn't on screen, and he didn't turn to the camera and say like, "This is because I'm a jackass and I'm sad about myself," [C laughing] like, I don't care. [G laughing] Like, fuck you, Dean. I don't give a shit.

C, G: Yeah.

D: So yeah. That also for me.

C: When you mentioned Hell, I feel like it's more likely that it's just like, "I got tortured a lot by demons in Hell, so I just hate demons extra hard now." But like, yeah, I think that the reading that it's self-hatred is more charitable than I would give him.

G: Yeah.

C: But mostly, I think that some people are just misogynistic to cope.

G: Yeah! [laughs]

For me, my worst line is, "These last months haven't been exactly easy on me, you know." I don't know. I thought it was so fucking corny, and I hate Bobby. [G and C laughing] I'm sorry, Bobby.

C: The thing is, until you said he was a bad actor in that scene, I did not actually read that as bad acting. [G laughs] I like feel like I genuinely was like, "Aw! The last few months were hard on him!" [laughs] But-

G: No, that was so bad.

C: You know what? I respect your refined taste.

G: Yeah. Okay. Spreadsheet, baby!

C: Spread those sheets.

Um, there's misogyny-

G: Yeah.

C: Because of BAB and I think also the waitress. So okay, right. We've refined our scale a little more for this season. So okay, 0 means nothing, 1 or a 2 means casual bigotry through the jokes, dialogue, or cinematography, and we decide between 1 and 2 depending on how severe we think the casual jokes are. And then 3 to 5 are just that, like, the misogyny, racism, or homophobia are intrinsic to the plot of the episode. And then, yeah, that should be decided on severity between those. So this is in the 1 to 2 category, I'd say.

G: This is like a 2, I would say.

C: I would say it's a 2. Yeah.

D: Yeah, like, we are literally- I mean, well not "we." But like, this is literally Busty Asian Beauties podcast. [C laughs] Like, that is that magazine. Like, I feel like it's like, an obligation.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: So racism. There was BAB, so that is automatically one.

G: I would say 1.

C: Yeah. I'd say it's a 1 because it's quite brief. And then, was there homophobia? I don't think so.

G: No, I don't think so.

C: Alright. Okay.

G: A zero.

C: So starting off strong with a 2, 1, 0.

So finally, IMDb guessing.

G: IMDb.

Okay, since Danica is our guest, and Danica, you do the honors. What's your IMDb guess?

D: Oh, yeah, I think 9.2.

G: 9.2. I think it's way higher than that!

C: Really?

G: I'll go 9.6.

C: Oh my- Really? Are people-? Huh. Because, like, I was gonna go 9, but like, now you guys are like, making me think I should go like, in between you guys. I-

G: [laughing] Statements that have been said multiple times. [C laughs] Okay.

C: I know this was voted the best episode by Tumblr. But like, huh. I mean, yeah, I guess it is good, but I- I feel like- I know some people don't like angel storylines later on, but I think that Cas's reception in his first episode was very like, positive. It was only until later that people turned around. So actually, okay. I'll go- I'll go 9.3.

G: Oh!

D: It's 9.4.

G: It's 9.4.

C: Oh!

D: You should have gone exactly between us. That would have been perfect.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: Well. Nice. Okay. So I guess- wait.

D: All the user reviews are so fucking funny. [laughs] It's literally just like, "The strong beginning to Dean Winchester." Well, that sucks.

C: Boo.

D: Like, "Will you send me an angel, like Castiel?" "The most glorious, magnificent-" [laughs]

G: [laughing] "Will you send me an angel?"

C: I mean, will you, though?

G: Will you, though?

C: God. On the IMDb, it just stars as Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, and Jim Beaver. Where's Misha Collins?

G: This one says, "Castiel, you are loved and remembered forever." So true.

C: He literally is loved and remembered forever.

G: "The most glorious, the magnificent, legendary character ever created. He is heavenly and divine character." [C laughs] So real.

D: He literally is. Okay, but also, the fact that the featured review is like, [G laughing] "Hell was a journey for Dean, but it brought him Heaven, parentheses, Castiel."

C: [laughing] Literally!

D: And that's the whole text of the review. [all laughing]

G: "And also the chemistry between Jensen and Misha, the harmony, is beyond great."

D: So real. And that was the featured review for this episode.

C: Do we have a Cockles shipper?

G: [laughing] I don't think it's a featured! It may be featured for you, but it's way down for me.

C: No, it's featured for me too. It's like, when you go to the review section, they don't show the first one as the one that you see. They show like, a random one or something, or like, one with the most like, people calling it helpful or something. And then, when you go on the actual page, then it's like, ordered differently or something

G: That's so funny.

C: I think that maybe it's the most recent one that's shown?

G: Noo! This one says "1 over 10. Introduction of the character that ruined SPN."

C: Okay.

G: Boo!

D: "Until 15.20, that is." [C laughing] That is so fucking funny.

C: "Cas, Misha, and his crazy fans, who see him as some kind of overlord, pretty much ruined Supernatural for over a decade." Misha fans did ruin Supernatural, but those are different.

G: But have we considered that Jensen and Jared fans have also ruined Supernatural?

C: Oh, yes. All fans of Supernatural ruined Supern- all fans of the actors ruined Supernatural.

D: Supernatural ruined Supernatural, like, Episode 1, Season 1, so. [C laughing]

C: That is true.

There's a review from November 21st, 2020, and it says, "He was an angel, warrior, hero, hunter, father. He knew pain, loss, disappointment, friendship, love, and happiness. And he died without any chance of a peaceful life. He died without saying goodbye to his friends and son. He died without ever hearing 'I love you.'" And then that's all it says [C and D laughing], and it's a 10 out of 10 review. [G laughing] But like, literally, he did die without ever hearing "I love you"!

G: Ah!

C: Ah!

D: There's not a single real review here. It's literally all just Casgirls, like, screaming. [laughing]

C: There are just like, "I like Cas." "I don't like Cas."

G: It's just that one negative review of the person saying that Cas ruined SPN. And then everyone else is 10 over 10. That's so real.

C: Yeah.

G: Let's look at the user ratings.

C: Oh, like the stats?

G: It's a 9.8 for females age 18 to 29. [D laughs]

C: So true.

D: Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what is it for like, every other demographic? Well, it's like basically the same.

G: No, it's like 9.435, 9.6, 9.4, 9.3. I think like, the lowest demographic is males age 45 and up, 9.0.

D: Oh no! The target audience! [C laughs] Oh, well. I see why they cut him out. [laughs]

-

D: I just have- You know that, like, "What happened to all the pussy on Supernatural?" thing, and then how, it is Cas is the reason. But also like, it literally is Cas. Because, like, I mean, you guys probably know this already, but, like, the network, was pushing for them to have a third female lead for like, up until Season 4. And it tried to be Jo, and they tried it with Bela and Ruby, but like- and then they tried it with Anna, right? But each time, the fandom was like, "We hate women [C laughs]. Like, we don't like these people."

G: Yeah.

D: So they had to throw in another woman. And then, when they got to Cas, it was like, they were going to do it with Anna, and then kill Cas. But the fandom was like, "We don't fucking care. We want Cas." And then I guess they just gave up after that. So it literally was Cas. Like, he eliminated the pussy from Supernatural. [C laughing] You know.

G: Damn.

C: God.

G: [laughing] He literally did!

C: Yeah.

D: Yeah. His power.

G: His pussy-eliminating power.

C: Some people are misogynistic, but not on purpose, and it's fine because we like them so much? [G laughs]

D: Yeah. It's just- It's insane how much he like, literally like, warped the course of this show. Like, they weren't gonna add like, a third, probably. Like, they probably weren't going to give Anna as much time as Cas, and they probably weren't gonna like, have like, him actually be gay at the end, or bi, I guess, depending on your interpretation. And like literally-

C: He's bisexual in my heart. [D laughs]

D: Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. But- like, they- Yeah, I have to stand by everything that you say because, like, you know, that's just like, bestie law.

C: Yeah.

D: But like, literally, the power of how deranged Cas fans are [C laughs] like, fully changed the show, like, in a whole new direction to like, be something totally different.

G: [laughing] Maybe that reviewer was right. [D laughs] Maybe Cas did ruin the rest of Supernatural.

C: Supernatural was already bad. Now it is good because Cas is in it, and I can look at him instead of thinking about anything else that's happening.

G: So real.

D: Yeah. So yeah, that's it. I just- He's really interesting for that, like, actual, like, real meta power he has that like, no other character, I think, has.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, I agree.

G: I mean, he came out as gay because people wanted him to be.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, that's for real.

C: They did a Tumblr poll on what Cas’s sexuality should be, and then they just did it.

D: Yeah, it was like a 49.8 to 50.2 poll. [C laughs] But they're like, "Fuck it. It's the last season."

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. Yeah. [laughing] I think that’s it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next week, we will be discussing Season 4, Episode 2: "Are You There God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: Follow us on social media! We are on twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. Thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod. Also, check out our merch at babpod.redbubble.com.

G: You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com.  See you guys next time! Bye!

C: Bye!

[guitar music]

[beep]

D: I just remember, like, the first time I was watching this- Like, this was when I was still pretending that I wasn't watching Supernatural to Crystal-

C: Yeah.

D: - so I could like eventually lie and say that I- well, not lie, but like, say that I watched the entire show after I finished. And so like, when I got to this point, I was like, freaking out, and like, screaming and crying to like, everyone I knew. Like, finally, I'll be watching a show that I enjoy. But like, when you just start here, it's like, "Yeah, that's like- that's just Cas." You know? That's like my friend Cas.

G: You think the reason why we're like this is because we watched Seasons 1 to 3? [laughs]

C: [laughing] We suffered.

G: [laughing] We suffered to get-

D: I think it definitely- I think the reward like, it definitely contributes to that, you know.

G: Oh, okay. Yeah.

C: Yeah. That's probably true. Though, I mean, I did watch this scene by itself on YouTube like, before I started watching any of Supernatural.

G: Real.

C: And I was still screaming about it. [D laughs]

D: Yeah, no. I was also screaming, crying, throwing up. But I mean, probably not as much as you guys, because, like, I'm not like madly in love with him.

C: Yeah, that makes sense.

G: [laughs] You're so normal about Cas, and I mean that in like, the best way possible. You're so normal about him.

D: I can't be madly in love with Cas. Like, that's Crystal's guy! Like, we can't share.

G: You can't share guys.

C: Yeah, exactly. Like, what are we gonna do? Cut my life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas [D laughs], which I do actually own, in half? [G laughing]

D: Yeah, we cannot possibly like, Solomon that.

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. Wait, do the pod- do the listeners know about the cardboard cutout? I forgot.

G: No, probably not.

C: Probably, right?

G: I don't think we've ever mentioned it. Yeah.

C: Wait, really? Oh, okay. This was for my birthday two(?) years ago. What was it? Danica set up a thing where like, I like, went to like, one of my friends's houses, and then, like, there was like, a giant thing of cardboard and then, like, a giant photo of Cas standing that had been like, printed over like 20 sheets of paper. [G laughing] And then together, we made a life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas for me, where we taped all the paper together and then cut it out, and that was my birthday present that year.

G: [still laughing] There was- There was one, um- Wasn't there one occasion where somebody visited, and they were like, "Oh, you're a fan of Supernatural?" Because they saw the cardboard cutout? [C and D laughing]

C: Yeah! Someone visited my house, and they were like, [all laughing] "Hey, I just went in your closet, and there's a life-sized cardboard cutout of Cas in there? Do you like Supernatural?" Literally put him in that closet. [G laughing] And I said, "No, but yes, that is him."

G: [laughing] Stop!! That's completely- completely normal birthday gift.

C: Yeah, I do love how I like, sort of make fun of you for all your Dean-like clothing, but like, that's just you owning a leather jacket.

G: Exactly.

C: Meanwhile, I own this. But, okay, anyway-

[beep]

D: Doesn't Misha Collins say in like, some con or whatever that he like, has beliefs about when exactly Castiel like, fell for Dean?

G: Ew! Why are we talking about it Misha Collins?

C: Um, did he?

G: But like, did he? [D and C laugh]

D: I don't remember. I just remember it was like-

C: [laughing] I don't care, but what did he say?

G: Do you think it's like, in Hell? Is that what you're saying?

D: I don't remember. I just remember one day, like Crystal, was like, really upset, [C and D laughing] like, the entire day. [all laughing] And I was like, "What happened?"

G: Yeah, because?

D: And they were like, "Misha Collins said something at a con that like, I kind of believed, and made me feel things for one second, and, like, I'm really upset about it." And I thought it was like-

C: Oh! That he didn't realize until the confession.

D: Oh, that?

C: That the true moment of happiness was like, him realizing in the moment that he loved Dean and telling him. I think that's what he said.

D: Oh, maybe. That's kind of sad.

G: Stop. That's so corny.

C: Which is stupid [D laughs] and wrong and incorrect.

D: I mean, what do you think?

G: Wait! What did you say in the- in confession. Like, "Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell," right?

C: "Out of Hell," yeah.

G: So like, from this moment we are to believe it was love at first sight. But they were also best friends to lovers. But also, it was love at first sight. [C laughing] But also, they were enemies to best friends to lovers. But also, it was love at first sight.

C: Yeah.

D: Oh, just like, when do you guys think it like, happened? When he actually- like, do you think it was this moment?

C: No.

G: I don't think it's this moment. I think- I think love... Charót. [C laughs] Sorry, I'm speaking in Filipino because I'm so excited. I think love, like, I think for Cas, it's like, it's always been there, but the realization happens much, much, much later. Like, Season 6 later. Maybe even more than that. Maybe Season 9, even.

D: Hm. Like, any particular like, arc or scene, or just like, in general.

G: I mean, you know, human Cas. That's always been my take.

C: Okay.

G: Like, he realized his feelings during human Cas era.

C: Hm.

G: How about you, Crystal?

C: There's like, a lot of writing about how like, "Cas saw Dean's soul, and it was so beautiful because he was such a good older brother-" [D laughing]

G: Ugh.

C: "-And then he fell in love instantly." Like, shut up. [laughs] No he didn't.

G: I think love- I think people misconstrue love a lot of times as like, a moral designation.

C: Right, we've discussed this.

G: And I do not agree with that. Really? In the podcast, or just the two of us?

C: Not in the podcast.

G: Yeah. This is a normal Crystal and Grey fare of discussion, like, "What is love, even?" But like, I think people think that it's like, "Oh, because a person is good, therefore, I love them." And it's just, I vehemently disagree. And like, with Cas, I don't think he saw Dean and was like, "Oh, I love him because he's good." I think it's more of, "I love him, and I believe that he can be good"-type situation more than anything.

C: Yeah.

G: So what's what's your take?

D: My-?

C: I think- [D laughs] No, sorry, you can do it after mine.

Around the end of Season 4, I think, when he decides to rebel.

G: Oh yeah, that's a good one.

C: Like, I mean, I think that the main reason he decides to rebel is like, that he believes that Dean is right and the angels are wrong, but I think that in that, he also is like, "Oh, I like, care about this guy a lot, and like, I enjoy spending time with him and the way that he has changed me." So yeah, I think it's probably that. I feel like he probably realizes it around a similar time. I don't- he doesn't really seem like the denial type.

G: Yeah.

C: So yeah. I think human Cas is too late.

G: How about you, Danica?

D: I think they were just buddies the entire time. [C and G laughing]

C: [laughing] Soo fucking true.

G: True. I mean, you don't-

D: Yeah. It was just a friend thing.

G: Well, okay, to be clear to everyone, Danica watched Supernatural until Season 7, right?

D: Season like, 7, yeah.

G: Yeah. So she doesn't know everything. It's okay. [D and C laughing] You know? We don't have to go up in arms about all this.

D: No. Yeah, no. You know what? I think Dean was 100% in love with him at this point, and Castiel thought it was just a bro thing the entire time.

C: [laughing] Soo fucking true.

D: So that is what I fully believe, and I'm not even joking a little bit. Well, actually, I'm kidding. I'm fully joking. But yeah, I choose to believe and watch the show that way. Because I think it's funny.

C: Yeah, no. I do think the funniest posts I've seen are ones where, like, Cas is gay, but he thinks Dean is ugly. [D and G laughing]

G: Real.

C: [laughing] He literally is not into that guy.

G: Yeah, "He's kinda uggo." But also I love the idea of the Cas being like, "Ach... nae... But I love him." [D laughing]

C: Yeah, literally "ach nae." [all laughing] Yeah, no. The angels really think Dean is the ugliest guy in the entire world.

G: Yeah.

C: They're like, "Damn Michael, that's your vessel? I'm so sorry." [D laughs]

G: RIP.

C: RIP.

G: Okay, let's go on.

C: Yeah, um-

[beep]

D: Okay, wait. So when does Jimmy die again? Like, how much like, horrible Deancas shit [C laughs] does he have to be witness to?

C: The consensus is-

G: He gets killed at [G and C] the end of Season 4.

D: Alright, cool. So at least he wasn't there for "Bert and Ernie are gay," like, yeah.

C: Yeah, thank god. Like, literally, god. I- yeah. That poor man.

G: He was there for the crane scene!

C: The what scene?

D: True, and like-

G: The scene where Dean and Cas stare at each other, and the crew hired a crane to lift the camera [D laughs] as they stare into each other's eyes.

C: Oh, yeah, in "When the Levee Breaks."

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs]

C: That's true. God. I mean, well, he gets out a little bit in 4.20- and so true, 4/20 blaze it. [G laughs] But like, he doesn't seem to- like, his complaints just seem to be like, the physical sensation, and like, being away from his family. He doesn't go like, "And I was told I'd be a vessel for good, and all I've done is stare at this guy's lips for 24 hours a day!" So- [D laughs]

G: So real.

C: - I guess it doesn't bother him that much.

D: Well, he was cool with that part. Like, that part was what he was praying for like, specifically. [G laughing]

C: So true.

G: [laughing] He wants to stare into a man's eyes?

C: Yes.

D: Yeah, that was his thing.

C: Yeah. And then he was like, "And now you guys are like, trying to like, do Heaven shit? Like, boring! [D laughs] Go back to trying to suck Dean's dick!" [G laughs]

D: Yeah, exactly.

C: So-

[beeps]

D: God, okay, I mean, this is like, not that important, and I've already said it before like a million times. But you have no fucking idea how crazy I was going when I was trying to pretend that I didn't watch Supernatural. [C laughing] Like, literally every single friend that I had that wasn't you-

C: Oh, wait, wait, do you wanna just tell this whole story from the beginning for the listeners? [laughs]

D: Okay, yeah. After Crystal got into Supernatural, I thought it would be funny if I watched the entire show, and then at the end of it, I was like, "By the way," to Crystal, like, "I've seen all 15 seasons of Supernatural," like before they even watched a single like, second. But like, I couldn't do it because it made me insane.

C: Yeah, what year was this? 2021?

D: Probably, yeah.

C: Okay, yes.

D: But yeah, I couldn't do it. Because literally every time I had a conversation with someone that wasn't Crystal, it was like, "Sorry. Like, can I use my allotted like, Supernatural minutes again [C laughing] to like, scream [G laughing] about how they did the horrible, horrible thing again." And like, it was not sustainable like, for the other relationships in my life. [laughs] Like, it was really quite bad. So yeah.

C: Yeah. You did mention having like, the group chat with all of our other friends [D laughing] just being like, you going, "Racist truck! There was a racist truck!"

G: Yeah. And there really was.

C: You finally broke your streak when you watched "Hammer of the Gods," was it?

D: No. Before then. I think it was the Season 4 finale when I was like, "I can't- I can't do this shit anymore."

C: [laughs] Uh-huh.

D: Like, when Chuck put his hand on Cas and was like, "Oh, you're like a good guy" or whatever. That's- yeah. I don't know why. It was just the straw that broke my back.

C: Yeah.

G: [laughing] I mean- I mean, you watched until Season 7, right?

D: Yeah.

G: And then you stopped.

D: But at that point, I was just directly screaming at Crystal, so.

C: Yeah, yeah. She had an outlet.

D: And then I stopped because, yeah.

-

C: Hi, guys. This is Crystal two weeks in the future. So the longest episode BABPod has had so far has been the one for "What is and What Should Never Be," which ended up being 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 45 seconds. So this episode, the actual length of it, as Grey has edited it to be, was 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 5 seconds. But I just think that our longest episode thus far should be "Laz Rising" because Cas is literally in it, so this is me talking for 40 seconds so that Cas can win, and gay people and love and peace on planet earth can reign triumphant- alright, I've made the mark, see youu.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

77 Thoughts While Rewatching Supernatural 11x04: Baby

Let’s gooooooo!

1. There are, thankfully, behind the scenes photos of Jensen in those shorts. But we were robbed of Dean in his “It’s a free bunker” daisy dukes.

2. But the conceit of this episode is so great. I remember watching it for the first time and being floored and how personal it felt.

3.And the little details we see in the car that we know are there. The army man. The initials and the leggos. Just. Ugh. The great thing about having a show run this long is that there’s so much history to draw from.

4. Guitar Man playin.

5. I love that Sam just pitches in with washing Baby. Like it’s a normal thing they do together. Maybe Cas helps sometimes too.

6. And the transition from Dean spraying down the car to the rain. So good. Dangit.

7. It’s 21 hours from Lebanon, Kansas to Oregon. I always forget how long the distances they go are, because the show condenses the drives. But holy fuck that is so long.

8. LOL Sam and his smoothies. “Where’s the rest of the beer?!” Hahahaha it’s such a typical little brother move, and even Sam’s face reads “oh shit big brother mad.”

9. I love how protective they are of Cas. They really do both love him. They want him to heal.

10. Cas just cruising through Netflix. You know that at some point Dean snuck into Sam’s room and fucked with his Netflix algorithm.

11. I love this scene at the Roadhouse. “Actually she never texted me back.” For as handsome and adorable as Dean is, he’s still such a doof, and you know what? Sometimes potential romantic interests just ghost him.

12. The time lapse here is brilliant. It keeps us in the car, but also, like... we don’t need to see them hookin’ up. That’s personal.

13. “Mistakes were made. Mhm.”

14. HOW DID SAM FIT IN THE BACK SEAT WITH THAT WOMAN?! HE IS SO TALL! SHE DOES NOT LOOK SHORT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE IMPALA A SEX TARDIS?

15. “Don’t Night Moves me.” I love this part. And! Night Moves appears in two of my favorite shows: This, and The OC.

16. And any time we get to hear Dean sing is a great time. He CAN sing. He pretends he can’t for various reasons, but he so can.

17. The montage is great, too, of them in the car. Just livin.

18. Again, having such a long run means we get to see these life moments that are just wonderful. Between the blood and the tragedy. They eat burgers in teh car and sing songs. They drive. 

19. “We got tonight, who needs tomorrow?” I feel like Dean would make a great D and D bard, you know?

20. And this conversation they have about that Apple Pie life is good, too. That Sam would still like it. That’s Dean’s...just not sure it’s for him. He tried it once, and it blew up in his face. Add to that that he has Cas now. So...

21. I need to talk to you about this Judy Collins song. It was, according to Dream!John, one of Mary’s favorite songs, and it just...feels right. One of the only things that bummed me out about The Winchesters was that we didn’t get a callback to this song in the show.

“I would follow him right down The toughest road I know  Someday soon Goin’ with him someday”

22. It’s such a great departure from the harder classic rock that winds up in the show as being very much John’s music. We get something softer that’s Mary’s. Something that maybe the boys took comfort in when their father would put it on, knowing it was something she loved.

23. ROBBIE JUDY COLLINS CALLBACK WHEN! ROBBIE! ROBBIE PLEASE!

24. But also Matt Cohen really is amazing as a younger John Winchester. He really channels Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a tender way here. I love it.

25. Sam’s face. He’s so freaked out. Like.

26. Hey season 11! Before Jared stopped trying and started phoning it in! We love to see it.

27. “When has death ever stopped a Winchester.” oh John. You have no idea.

28. “You played your part.” Poor Sam. John was so checked out. The level of neglect both Sam and Dean suffered is really extreme.

29.The lack of music here with just the sounds of the road and the car is really great here. So tense.

30. Another great conversation between these two. I think because Dean is such a goof sometimes, it’s easy to discount his big brotherness. Sam is constantly playing the straight man. Here, we get to see Dean do some big time big brothering.

31. I love the lighting, here too. It would be easy to have it be super dark, but it’s great that they use street lights to illuminate everything.

32. LOL Dean and Sam keeping secrets. after a while, that was kind of the whole show, wasn’t it? Just Dean and Sam not telling each other shit and hurting each other like dummies.

33. “I read.” HE DOES! Way back in season 4, Sam found a Vonnegut in his bag.

34. There’s a SPN official novel called Nevermore where Dean does not know who Edgar Allen Poe is, and upon reading that I was so much, I never tried to read it again. Fuck you, Dean knows his lit. He plays dumb, he’s not actually dumb.

35. Dean’s dream about John hits me hard now, after The Winchesters season 1 finale, because in that universe that Dean futzed with? That dream could now be a reality.

36. “Perfect landing, Son.”

37. Sam dreaming about Mary is a whole thing, too. Of that person he can’t remember. Ouch.

38. That overhead shot of them is so great. Love it.

39. Werepire! oh Dean.

40. Meatman cometh.

41. The minor freakout over valet parking lol.

42. But with good reason.

43. But also girl me too. Let’s be real, who wouldn’t? It’s a great car. And this is a great moment.

44. She was definitely doing donuts. I love it.

45. Dean would shit himself if he knew.

46. This entire scene is so good. But also, I love Dean and Cas here.

47. LOL step away from the Netflix.

48. Dean, stop trying to make fetch happen, bud.

49. Poor Cas, talking to himself, thinking he’s helping. But again, it keeps us in the car.

50. But this whole scene is so great.

51. Poor Dean missed him saying werepire.

52. I love this fight scene so much. It’s played for laughs and it works so well. It is so gory.

53. “It turns out I did shoot the deputy.” I need you to know that I SCREAMED when he said this, because it’s an add-on from a joke made in SEASON 3. 3! THEY WRAPPED THAT JOKE EIGHT YEARS LATER! Again, it’s the benefits of a show that goes this long.

54. Poor Cas. Just...having to sit on the phone while carnage happens on the other end.

55. The windshield wiper. Dean is so unfazed.

56. Poor cooler. It went from beer and smoothies to a monster head.

57. Again, Dean is so not bothered by any of this. It’s just another day, and it makes it so much funnier. Like he knows it’s gross, but like. It’s just another workday.

58. I’m not sure about these extreme closeups. It’s a lot.

59. “What bench?” oh Cas. <3

60. Sam getting distracted with the fiirty and Dean getting jumped. Again.

61. HEAD IN A BOX.

62. They just left that head in the backseat with a woman he thought was like a full blown human. Because they’re that desensitized. Head in a box. “Yeah? And?”

63. “You do anything for your family.” Oh boy.

64. Sam just not noticing a damn thing.

65. Dean face down in the back seat, sees the Hello Kitty bag: “How did...I don’t wanna know.”

66. The monsters are scared.

67. Dean’s in a tough spot here, and he’s just rolling his eyes at this monster monologueing. It’s part “Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I can’t believe I let this happen, why am I so dumb?” and part “Bitch do you know what I am? Get wrecked.”

68. Poor Baby. God she is beat up.

69. this inside/outside the car fight is great too. I love that we don’t need to see like a big full fight scene. It’s so cramped and so cool.

70. Fucking decapitated with the car door that is fucking brutal.

71. “Oh baby I’m so sorry.” Yeah dude your car is fucked.

72. Both Dean and Baby. So fucked up.

73. Jensen learned that car move on his lunch break. Talented bastard.

74. Sam also looking messed up.

75. “Would you mind starting tomorrow?” Oh Sam.

76. And we end on Night Moves as the boys and Baby limp on home.

77. Truly, one of my all time favorite episodes of this show. Shot so cleverly, with great character moments and glimpse at what’s going on with the larger season-long plot. Love it.

[billiewena]

for the 100k fic celebration, here a portion of the “what if 10x05 had a sastiel agenda?” AKA lil shit sam/jealous dean destiel fic I first shared a while back! been having a lot of fun basically rewriting and expanding on the entire musical episode with new songs (and lots of cute kristen & siobhan moments because OF COURSE they’re still a couple.) it was really encouraging to see the positive response to it back then and it's been taking forever because of work/other writing but I’m so excited to have this one be the first full-length fics I ever post.

It starts with costumed teenagers locked in a tight embrace with absolutely no room for Jesus.

“What are they doing?”

Marie glances over her shoulder for only a brief second.

“Kids these days call it hugging,” she says slowly. Geez, it would’ve been less insulting for her to just outright say Wow, you’re old.

Except it’s not just any of the show’s stars hugging over there. One of them is the “Dean” who’d been mid-rehearsal when they arrived and looked more like Bieber than him with the blonde wig. And the other? Well, he would recognize that Columbo coat anywhere.

“Is that in the show?” he asks, pointing their way.

Marie quickly shakes her head at the accusation. “Oh, no. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in a real life.”

He nods and lower his hand. Got it. That’s all it was. Everything’s fine. Nothing to worry about—

“No, my play explores the nature of Sastiel.”

“The — wait, what?” he says, confused at once.

“Sastiel?” Marie pauses, giving him a second to figure it out. He doesn’t. “You know, the relationship between Sam and Castiel?”

Dean blinks.

“Sam and…C-Cas?”

“I know, I know. Edlund’s series never finished. I’m lucky I got these drafts. Ugh, it’s Midnight Sun all over again. But the love story is all in the subtext,” she says with confidence. “Can you believe there are people who still think Destiel is endgame? After everything that happened after the angels fell? After Gadreel? Please.”

He silently sounds out the word. Des-tiel? Wait…

“Ever since Cas came back from the dead and took on Sam’s pain, I knew. I just knew. Every one of their arcs had been parallel to each other’s from their fall from grace to the trials. And now with Dean gone, all they have…is each other.”

Marie sighs. “Besides, you can’t spell subtext without S-E-X.”

He coughs and nearly chokes on an asteroid-sized lump in his throat.

“I…uh. Yeah, th-that’s not…you know, I think I’ve seen enough,” Dean says with a forced smile. “Thank you for your, ah, time. I’ll, uh, we’ll follow up if we have questions about the missing persons case. I—alright.”

And with that he purses his lips, turns on his heel and walks away — nearly tripping over one of the stage chords as he does. Why are there are so many of them anyways? This is just some all-girls school production, not the goddamn West End.

He finds Sam in his natural nerd habitat (the tech booth) sifting through all the bins of A/V supplies.

“Yeah, not to interrupt the blast from the past here but it’s time for us to go,” he says, patting the door.

His brother shoots him an annoyed look but packs up and follows him out all the same. Not that Dean bothers to wait for him; no, he makes a beeline for the car as soon as he leaves the booth.

“Hey, what’s with the rush?” Sam calls after him as he runs to catch up with him at the school entrance.

“No rush,” he says shortly. “Just wanted to see what you found out before you got too lost in the nerd sauce over there.”

He doesn’t need to look back to know he’s on the receiving end of a Classic Sam Bitchface right now and continues to stomp his way through the parking lot.

“Well, no EMF, no hex bags. None of their props are remotely hinky. Talked to Maeve and all those extras in the auditorium.” Sam finally catches up and walks side-by-side with him now. “You have any more luck?”

“Nah. Ms. Chandler's office is just a pile of empty bottles and regret. She's probably just face down in a bar somewhere. Or a ditch. I did get to hear all about the director’s, ah, creative vision though,” Dean says, teeth gritted. “Apparently we go into space, I become a woman, and there’s even ninjas and robots!”

“Robots. Huh. Well, that’d definitely be a new one.”

“There’s no robots in Supernatural—”

“I-I know that,” Sam says in exasperation. “I just mean it’s, y’know, innovative. And Dean we’ve fought weirder. Remember the teddy bear? The fairies? The ballet shoes?”

“Well, you just wait until you hear about what she in store for you, Lover Boy,” he says.

And that makes Sam do an instant double-take.

“Uh, Lover Boy?”

“Yeah, your number one fan back there —” he says, gesturing back towards the school, “— was telling me all about the play’s, uh, love story between you and Cas. You got something you’ve been meaning to tell me or what?”

“The love story? Wait, what do you mean me and Cas?”

Dean scoffs, already in utter disbelief of the words he was about to say. “Like you and Cas, together. Together together? Romance of the ages the way she made it sound. Apparently it’s all in her play!”

To his surprise though, Sam just… laughs. “Well, I mean hey, that’s an improvement from the ones who wrote about me and you.”

“You got that right,” he agrees with a shudder. Meeting one Becky the Stalker was bad enough. Knowing she wasn’t alone and that she had an audience made it even worse. “She even had a portmanteau for you, dude. Like you’re some celebrities in a grocery store tabloid. Sass-tiel.”

“Sass-tiel?” He seems to seriously consider it but shrugs. “I don’t know. What about… Samstiel? CasSam? Cam? Mmm, maybe not that…”

Dean groans. “Really? That’s your issue with this?”

“Of course it’s not my issue,” Sam says. He stays pensive for a few more seconds until chuckling again to himself this time, as if he’s the only one in on a private joke. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Cas is great but…”

“Not your type?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam says. No, it’s definitely more than that and he’s doing a piss-poor job of hiding his amused expression.

Dean turns and stares him down. “What?”

“I dunno,” he says, his smirk fully visible now. “I just think it’s funny they’re pairing me up with Cas when the one with the ‘profound bond’ with him is right there.”

“Oh, haha. You’re hilarious,” Dean retorts at once.

“Hey man, I’m not the one who stayed in Purgatory for a year to find him.”

His glare takes on a murderous edge.

“Okay. You know what? You’re going to do that thing where you just shut the hell up! Forever!”

Sam holds up his hands in either what’s either a show of innocence or surrender.

“Alright, alright. Well, other than the Charlie Kaufman of it all I got nothing.”

“So…what?” Dean says. “This-this all... This whole musical thing, everything, it's... it's all a coincidence? There is no case?”

“Unless you're seeing something I'm not, no, Dean. There's no case here,” he says sincerely this time.

“Come on. This has classic Trickster vibes all over it.” He almost wants to turn around and start yelling, Come on out Gabriel you bastard!

“Trickster’s dead, man. And he wasn’t just a trickster, he was an archangel. And they’re all gone too.”

“Could be a lower-rank angel?” Dean tries. “I mean, Zachariah pulled off an entire apocalypse world. And that place where we were both corporate drones. Before you know it, this’ll get all Buffy and it’ll be me and you singin’ and dancin’—“

“Dean…I think it’s just fans. Look, as long as they’re not putting another love spell on one of us I couldn’t really care less what they’re doing,” Sam says with some bitterness, clearly not looking back at that particular memory with any fondness. “Just writing some songs? I mean, it’s innocent enough.”

“Oh yeah, so innocent,” he scoffs. “They’re singing about our dead parents, your demon blood bender, the apocalypse, all of it! This is just…it’s make-believe for them! But it’s our lives!”

Sam runs a tired hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t get it either man. I wasn’t exactly thinking about the books’ entertainment value while Chuck was describing my sex life in vivid detail—“

“Don’t remind me,” he says, holding up a hand in disgust.  

“—but I dunno. There’s obviously something about it they connected to, right? Something they related to, something that moved them, inspired them? And I guess…I mean, what’s wrong with that?”

There is so, so much wrong with that.

“I don’t know what story they’re reading and what Sam and Dean they’re ‘connecting’ to here. But it sure as hell ain’t us. I mean…they even made me blonde, dude.”

“It’s a high school play, what can you expect?” Sam laughs. “It was probably the closest wig they could find at Party City.”

Dean ignores him, muttering aloud as he makes his way to the driver’s seat.

“The hair…the singing…the robots… the love story…”

“You really were bothered by that, weren’t you?” Sam gives his brother a curious look.

“SUPERNATURAL ISN’T A ROMANCE!” Dean snaps. “Look, these girls obviously don’t know what they’re talking about—“

“I dunno, Dean,” Sam said in a clearly taunting voice now. “Maybe you’re just jealous of what me and Cas have.”

He flushes. “W-what? I-I’m not—“

“We could give you two a name too, y’know? So you don’t feel left out? What about…Dee-stiel? CasDean?”

And he refuses to entertain this conversation any longer.

“Shut your face! Get in the car!”

Thankfully Sam notices the shift in tone and obliges at once.

Dean, meanwhile, takes a moment outside the car to glance around — almost as if checking to see if anyone overheard that comment. Not that it mattered. Who could overhear? No one even knew they were THE Sam and THE Dean. Who cared? He certainly didn’t care. He didn’t care at all...

(to be continued)

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[coureirsix]

supernatural season 16 episode 4 - “lifeline” |  ao3 link

it's roughly 11 PM on january 23rd when dean gets a call from eileen. he'd been out of the bunker with jack and cas for nearly three days; they'd taken jack to an amusement park. something about never seeing one before which reminded dean the last time he'd ever been to one, he was three years old and didn't remember a thing. which was fine, except that jack had wanted to go to six flags. he'd said something about finding old commercials with a dancing old man and the closest one was in kentucky. naturally, this wasn't an issue with dean. he'd driven farther for less, but on the way back he'd begun to realize that as he got older, the drives took more out of him. 

they'd gotten back earlier that afternoon and had spent most of the day lounging around until the exhaustion got the better of them at around nine. well, except jack. who could have just driven back to kentucky if he wanted to. cas made sure he didn't want to. so, it's saturday night, cas is breathing deeply beside him, completely asleep, jack is probably watching TV in the dean-cave, and dean has been drifting in and out of sleep for the past 20 minutes when his phone buzzes to the tune of the Call Me Maybe song. it's the tone he'd set up for eileen because, well, she never calls. so, when she does call, it's usually an emergency flare that's followed up with an explanatory text.

dean's eyes shoot awake and he watches the call miss as he waits a second for eileen's message to come in. 

dean, sam broke the tub. he can't get the hot water to stop running. SOS. please, my hair is disgustingly humid. his too. 

and dean laughs. it was an emergency, but the kind that didn't have him spiraling into a depression. that was... almost nice, he thinks. they have normal people problems now. he leans over to where cas is asleep beside him and cas' trained as well as dean is. he stirs awake with the movement and opens his eyes in a half-awake gesture.

“sam’s in trouble,” dean says with a smile. cas’ eyes shoot open, but dean’s demeanour doesn’t change, instead he follows up with, “he.. broke his bathtub somehow.”

cas squints. dean laughs some more and gets himself out of bed. he’s gotta find the little duffel bag that they’d dedicated to tools that didn’t include weapons of mass destruction. it shouldn’t be too hard to find. the last time they’d used it was when sam actually broke a door off its hinges. 

“i’m going back to sleep,” cas says, turning over as dean redresses. and dean laughs again. cas was grumpy when he was exhausted. it was endearing. 

it doesn’t take him too long to get ready to leave the bunker. he finds the duffel bag underneath the bathroom sink and before he knows it, he’s pulling out of the bunker’s vicinity in the impala and headed toward sam and eileen’s place. the issue with them is they live roughly 45 minutes away. he texts eileen back, letting her know he’s on his way. 

and dean thinks, as he drives over. that it’s his birthday tomorrow. well- he checks his phone, it’s basically his birthday. sunday january 24th, 2021. he didn’t think he’d live this long. he was the answer to the universe now, technically. 42. he looks down at his hands on the wheel. they’re worn. they’re the hands of a tired man who fought multiple apocalypses, multiple archangels, god himself. and won.

he takes a deep breath and thinks about sam. he loves his little brother more than he can ever explain. it’s unhealthy, probably, how much he’d done to save sam from everything. death, despair, sam himself that time he lost his soul. dean was there and willing to bleed for whatever sam needed. and he knew sam would always do the same. it was comforting. and even moreso now that they’d decided to take some time to really asses what was best for either of them. sam let himself want his apple pie life again. and it was the happiest day of dean’s life to see his little brother decorating the house he’d leased with eileen.

dean doesn’t hunt fulltime anymore. he’ll do an odd ghost job here and there, but mostly he mans the phones. he’s now FBI Supervisor Agent Harkness, police chief Richard Grayson, at cas’ request Texas Ranger Dean Swift, and at jack’s request Marlo Bridgers.it’s a living, he thinks. he still helps out other hunters and he passes off the bigger jobs to the younger people that’ve unfortunately ended up in the hunting life. 

mostly, though, he and cas have been making up for lost time. they go out on dates. dates, like embarrassing 15 year olds. he’s taken cas to the movies, they’ve gone for walks at the mall. dean held cas’ hand under a tree and it was the most incredible thing in the world. 

it’s embarrassing, it’s enough to make himself blush at the memory of it, but it’s also nice in that same breath. it brings him a sense of peace like he’s never fully properly known. because it’s about trust. and not trust in cas, not trust in himself, hell, the trust has nothing to do with either of them. it has to do with the fact that dean has finally let himself trust that things are going to be okay. that no matter what happens, he’s going to be okay.

and that’s what he thinks about when he’s sitting across from cas at the baskin robbins. that they’re safe. that things are okay. because they are, dean’s earned that much through his own tears and blood.

the sound of wind hitting the impala as he drives down the highway closer to sam and eileen is the melody to the memories of his life as it has been since they got rid of chuck and jack put god’s power back into the universe.

he pulls into the driveway of sam’s cookie cutter house. he’s in the middle of the driveway but dean doesn’t care and he knows neither sam nor eileen would care either. besides, the impala outshines the two normal cars they drive. he grabs the duffel bag and heads for the door, waiting for a second before the door clicks and he sees eileen in a crack in the door. he smiles at her.

“dean!” she says, visibly excited. dean keeps his smile on his face and waves, unsure why she’d be so excited that he’s here at practically midnight to fix her bathtub. she reaches out to grab his wrist and pull him into the house. she leads him through dark down the little hall that dean knows leads into the bathroom. dean notices there is no humidity in the house.

“eileen? is everything-” dean starts to ask when the lights flick on, blinding dean for a second before it clicks that it’s a party. it’s a party at midnight for him. 

he sees jody, donna, alex, claire and kaia. sam and bobby among several other hunters dean had come to know. it’s a full house, yet dean notices the lack of jack and cas. there’s a stack of presents in a corner behind the kitchen, a cake with a single candle on the table. claire is approaching him with a party hat in her hands and an evil look on her face. dean glances over at eileen, who’s beaming at him. she knows what she did. led zeppelin comes through a little speaker in the corner, not too loud, but loud enough that its ambiance music now. 

dean lets himself get wrapped in a hug from claire and then lets her put the hat on him before sam approaches him.

“this your idea?” dean asks. sam grins, but shakes his head.

“no, actually. i wanted to do it tomorrow morning. show up at the bunker with everyone, but, i know someone with worse intentions than me who said that tricking you into coming here at the moment of your birthday would be something you couldn’t see coming,” sam opens his arms and dean lets himself fall in. he hugs his little brother back and the emotions from earlier come back. he and sam were alive. dean’s greatest achievement in life was keeping sam alive and now here he was, reaping the benefits.

he goes through similar motions with everyone. jody gives him a hug and then leans up to kiss him on the temple. donna squeezes him so hard he swears his insides are flattened. 

after a few moments of getting caught up with everyone, sam sits him down at the table where the cake is. dean rubs his hands, ready to light the candle in it when sam makes this “uh-uh” sound. dean looks up at him in confusion when eileen brings over a pie with those large novelty number candles set into it. 42 sure was a year. 

dean sits there in the obligatory hot seat as everyone gathers around and sings him happy birthday. it’s awkward, it makes him blush and tears well up in his eyes, although nobody can really see it through the dimmed lights. and he looks around and his smile saddens a bit. he should have told cas to come with him. did sam not think to text jack?

he goes through the motions and cuts the first slice of the pie for himself and passes off the pastry to sam and eileen who take care of passing out the rest of it and the cake that’d been there. dean looks around, hoping cas and jack had been right behind him as sam brings him over a whiskey. it goes down ridiculously smooth. sam mentions he ran one last credit card scam for $3,000 whiskey for this. dean laughs and asks for another.

the night winds down fairly quickly, given it’s nearly three in the morning by the time everyone’s settled down into a less partying mood. dean ends up sitting outside with sam in some lawn chairs from walmart in sam’s cookie cutter back yard. eileen’s gone to bed and most everyone has gone home by then.

“you ever think we’d live this long?” sam asks.

“nope,” dean says without hesitation, “sammy, you died when you were twenty two. i died at twenty seven? twenty eight? god, i don’t even remember.”

“and those were just the first times,” sam says with an incredulous laugh.

“shit,” dean laughs with him, “yeah.”

“and we got out,” sam says. there’s a satisfaction in his voice that makes every single time dean died or did anything stupid for sam worth it. it’s a tone that dean knows means sam is happy. and that’s it, that was dean’s goal.

“we did,” dean agrees, taking another sip of the whiskey, “we beat hell, we beat heaven, we beat purgatory, we beat god.”

“kicked god’s ass,” sam affirms, “we get to choose what we want to do now. we write our own destiny now.”

dean reaches over and outstretches his glass. sam meets him halfway and they toast to that. dean watches sam pull his phone out and send off a quick text message. probably eileen telling him to go to bed.

they sit in silence for a while. and sam’s phone vibrates. dean watches him check it and not respond. trouble in paradise? he doubts it, but he doesn’t really know every single thing about sam anymore.

“i know you’re gonna tell me to shut up, but i do have to say, dean. thank you,” sam looks over at him.

“for?” dean asks.

“for everything, man,” sam has this look on his face like he’s going to cry, “you raised me. you were always there for me. im thirty eight, nearly sixteen years overdue if you hadn’t sold your soul to save me. i’m who i am because of you, and i like to think i’m in pretty good shape. and you, dean. i’m so proud of you. you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. and i love you, and i’m happy that it was you that i got to have be my big brother.”

dean actually cries, but he turns around so that sam can’t see it. he composes himself in a second and turns back. he doesn’t have it in him to fight sam on the emotional distress this is causing him. instead he says, “thanks, sam. i’m glad i got to be your big brother, too.”

sam’s phone buzzes again. he checks it again and this time does respond. he sighs and looks over at dean again, “i gotta go. eileen says the bed is too cold.”

dean huffs a laugh and nods, “go fix that.”

sam nods and gets up. dean hears the door that leads back into the house slide open and then slide shut. and dean is left with himself at the end of it all. he sighs. he’s happy, he thinks.

and then he hears an unmistakable flutter. 

“dean!” he hears jack yell. it’s louder given it’s three in the morning and most people in this neighbourhood are asleep.

“i’m so sorry,” jack says, rushing up to dean’s side, “we were planning to be there for the cake but it wasn’t ready and we kept trying to fix things-”

“fix what?” dean asks, curiously. he’s not mad.

“the-” jack stops short, looking behind dean. and dean realizes the missing piece of his birthday puzzle has to be behind him.

and he is. the angel castiel is standing behind dean on the cement part of the patio a few feet back, wearing one of dean’s old band tshirts under his trench coat. and there’s a book in his hands. 

“happy birthday, dean,” cas says, a little smile on his face.

dean gets up. his foot nearly kicks the whiskey glass he set down with the speed he gets up at. and he doesn’t waste any time in grabbing the sides of cas’ face and pressing the most heartfelt, loving, tender kiss dean has ever given anyone in his life. there’s a warmth that always seems to be radiating from cas and dean wants to stick to it like a leech.

when he pulls back, cas keeps the little smile on his face and hands dean the book. it’s a photo album, he realizes, once he takes it and opens it. there’s- there’s baby pictures of him there. things that were surely lost in the fire in lawrence. as he flips through the album, he finds pictures of him and sam growing up. things nobody had ever photographed before, he’s pretty sure. at one point he finds a picture of him at age twelve, lying on roof of the impala.

“cas,” dean asks, in completely disbelief, “where did you get these?”

“i did!” jack says coming from behind dean in an awkward hug from behind, “i can still tap into the power of god if i want to. it wasn’t hard to pop into different points of your life and just take a picture.”

dean turns back and pulls jack forward to pull him into a better hug as he laughs. that’s somehow the craziest thing he’s ever heard. 

“happy birthday, dad,” jack says. and he tenses against dean.

“did you just call me dad?” dean asks.

“no,” jack lies. 

“right,” dean says, a grin on his face that he looks up and notices that cas shares.

“well, it’s kinda creepy that you existed for a second at different points in my life, but i love it, jack. a walk down memory lane, shit and all. i love it, thank you, son” and he leans down to press a kiss against the top of jack’s head.

“this what kept you?” dean asks cas as jack lets go and says he’s heading inside.

cas nods and he says with a little shrug, “it seemed like a kind gesture. i sort of gave him points to land on. that way he didn’t land in the middle of a hunt or something. i’m sorry, dean.”

dean shakes his head and goes to set the book down on the chair he’d been sitting in and he walks back over to cas. where cas is standing, there’s a cement step between the cement patio area and the grass that dean and sam had been sitting in. it makes it so cas is a few inches taller than dean. 

dean finds himself turning around so that cas can come around him, head coming to rest on dean’s shoulder and his arms coming around dean’s middle.

“thought you were supposed to be sleeping,” dean says with a mocking tone.

“and miss your forty-second birthday?” cas asks, turning to press a kiss to the side of dean’s face. they look up at the sky and dean wonders how exactly he got there. there’s a feeling in his chest that he doesn’t understand, but he knows what it is. it’s peace, it’s happiness. 

“i have a speech prepared for you,” cas says softly. his hands tap at dean’s stomach and dean brings up his own hands to cover them.

“right, right. something about how my eyes glitter like the moon?” dean asks, his tone is still jokey.

“something like that,” cas says, “and moreso how you’ve been the world’s lifeline and how i’m so happy you’re finally thinking of yourself.”

dean’s heart sinks a little as cas continues.

“you know sam loves you, you know your friends love you. you know that i love you with the wrath of heaven behind me. and somehow that doesn’t compare to the happiness i feel now that i know that you finally love you.”

dean’s face goes completely red. the warmth is different from the warmth of the next kiss that cas places against his cheek again. 

“thank you,” he chokes out, voice breaking because he’s started crying again, “i... i don’t have heaven. but i love you with the power of a guy who fought god.”

cas laughs, “and won,” he adds.

dean’s blush comes down a little and he leans back just a little, so he can turn and meet cas full on in another kiss before turning back to look out at the normal neighbourhood sam’s found himself in. 

“do you think we could do something like this? cookie cutter house. you me and the kid?” dean asks.

“if you think you’re prepared to let the bunker go, i don’t see why not,” cas responds. 

the thought of turning the bunker’s lights out for good makes dean feel a certain kind of way. still, though. now it’s a thought that’s popped into his head. who knows. 

for now, he’s content to stand there with his angel, looking out at the other backyards, at the stars while their respective kids sleep in the house. 

[musingsofanunorgainizedmind]

Top 10 Things I Love About Supernatural

It’s been almost half a year since the show ended and now that the dust has settlIed, I just want to list ten reasons I love this show. Despite it’s flaws, it’s been quite the ride.

1. Team Free Will

When I first got the idea to make this list, I originally planned on doing entirely separate entries for “Sam & Dean” and “Destiel”. Except then I wanted to pay tribute to “Sastiel”. And then I wanted to do an entry for “Team Free Dads”. By that point, I was already halfway through the list and I hadn’t even moved on from the main characters. A few months ago, I made a post about why I love every single pairing in this group. Obviously, Sam and Dean are a legendary duo. Obviously, Dean and Cas have an unparalleled story. Obviously, Sam and Cas are an underrated team. As for Team Free Dads, I’ve always had a soft spot for father/mentor figure characters and and all three tackle the role in different ways. I love Jack, too. I love how everyone in this bizarro family is “broken” in some way. We’ve got the Allistair’s prized pupil, the spawn of satan, the boy with demon blood, and the angel who nearly obliterated all of heaven. But they help each other heal by being supportive and seeing the good in each other. They all love each other so deeply and when together, nothing can stand in their way. Not Michael, not Lucifer, and not God himself. They tore up the book and wrote their own story. And it was a pleasure to watch it all unfold.

2. The Suppporting Characters

To list every single supporting character I have loved and lost in this show would take way too long. I don’t know if it’s the writing or acting performances, but I love pretty much every single supporting character on this show. Even villains like Azazel or Allistair are top-notch villains. Hell, I even like characters like Metatron, Lucifer, Mary, and John! Characters like Rufus, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Kevin, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mick...how am I not supposed to love them??? All of their stories were cut so short. I’d watch a show about any of these characters. The Wayward Sisters were robbed. So many ships were gone too soon (Sam/Rowena, Dean/Jo, Cas/Meg, Etc.). So many heartbreaking deaths. I want to be best friends with all these characters. Why be a “dean-girl” or a “sam-girl” when you can be a garth-girl? A kevin-girl? A claire-girl? A bela-girl? There are so many great characters with interesting and compelling backstories and so much untapped potential. I could go on forever on this, but I digress.This show has one of the best supporting casts I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

3. The Themes

It’s no accident that I got addicted to this show at the time that I did. Namely, my Senior Year of College and 2020. Graduating college and entering the “real world” felt like it’s own sort of apocalypse. 2020 definitely exacerbated my worst tendencies. Messages like “family don’t end in blood”, “you can write your own story”, and “always keep fighting” really resonated with me. I could definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity these character’s felt and the ways they suppressed/repressed their issues instead of facing them. I could relate to the feelings of not fitting in and I could definitely relate to the loneliness. This show helped remind me that I’m not alone. That it’s okay if my values and identity don’t line up with the what I envisioned for myself. And, most importantly, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that I should never give up. If Dean, Sam, and Cas can keep moving forward despite their demons and despite how bad it gets, so can I. Regardless of how the story ended, these themes resonated with me and I’ll still hold them with me. A single episode can’t take that away.

4. The Fun Episodes

This show has so many legendary standalone episodes. Changing Channels. Ghostfacers. The French Mistake. Fan Fiction. Tall Tales. Bad Day at Black Rock. When this show goes for the absurd, it goes all-in. It takes the risks it needs to take, it gets completely insane, and it pulls it off. So many of these episodes could have easily been the moment that the show “jumped the shark”. Yet, time after time, the show delivered on it’s potential. I don’t know how much I can say about these episodes except that they made me laugh out loud, made me fall even harder for these characters, and that they’re the episodes I remember best. If I were to rewatch any episode, it would be one of the fun ones. This show knew how to not take itself too seriously and how to poke fun at itself. I’ve always had a soft spot for shows that can make me laugh and cry (X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Doctor Who, etc.), and this show definitely nails the fun part. 

5. The Sad Episodes

Death’s Door. Hammer of the Gods. Despair. Carry On. Abandon All Hope. In My Time of Dying. Swan Song. When this show wants you to cry, it doesn’t pull the punches. It gets downright devastating. No character is safe. Literally every character you love will either be forgotten or will die. Or both. The amount of trauma Sam and Dean have to go through is insane. Both have literally been to hell and back. Both have killed countless people, including innocents. When this show decides it wants to wreck you, it’s overwhelming. I sobbed when Bobby died. I sobbed when every single member of Team Free Will died for the final time (I still can’t watch any of those scenes). I still wish Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Kevin, Mick, and Gabriel had been given more time to tell their stories. Being a hunter means a life of endless angst. Being an angel or demon doesn’t get you off the hook, either. I remember going into this show thinking it couldn’t hurt me. My favorite character type is “mentor/father figure”. But holy hell...I don’t think every single sad moment was necessarily good writing, but when it was? Damn. 

6. The Biblical Themes

I’m not a relgious person. But, despite this show being steeped in Christian mythology, it really touched on my feelings about the Old Testament in a profound way. Well, really just Ben Edlund and Robbie Thompson did. I’ve never seen a show really hit the overall feel of the bible the way this show does. The idea of Angels as mystical and terrifying creatures. The idea of God as a flawed father figure with a penchant for wrath. The sheer epicness of the biblical stories. The idea of family members constantly being turned on each other. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Essau. Moses and Ramses. Moses and Aaron. Abraham and Isaac. The bible is full of stories of family drama. This show doesn’t always give angels and demons weight. Sometimes it’s silly and stupid and cheesy. But when it hits right? It’s epic. This is more of a personal thing I love about the show, but definitely a plus!

7. The Music

The early seasons music is so good. I really miss the classic rock of the golden era of the show. I mean, there are still some great musical moments later on, but damn. I loved hearing songs I recognized and I loved learning new songs. I loved when the song and the scene hit perfectly in time (Death’s intro. Cas’s return in Season 13.). Also Supernatural wouldn’t be Supernatural without the ‘Carry On My Wayward Son’ song at the end of every season. Even at the end of a season I didn’t love, that recap would always get me pumped. Also Chuck singing Fare Thee Well? Dean and Lee singing together? Fan Fiction? All great. 

8. The Cast & Crew

I never care about the actors or actresses in a show. I definitely don’t bother with the names of specific writers and directors or their styles of writing/directing. They’re just random people who happen to write for or play these characters I love. They’re not actually the characters. But these guys? Well, for one, I’m pretty sure half this cast actually is their character. At least to some degree. They’re also just...really cool people? Who are all friends? They make a point to do community service, to interact with fans, and to promote positive ideas. Jared’s Always Keep Fighting campaign. Misha and GISH. The fact that they all participate in fundraising opportunities and encourage fan engagement. Do they all have issues? Definitely. Have they said stupid things? Yes. But the good far outweighs the bad. They’re an entertaining bunch whether onscreen or not and I hope they all do well in whatever their future endeavors may be.  

9. The Fandom

I joined this fandom late. To be honest, I thought this fandom was obnoxious before I found myself a part of it. Now that I’ve been in the trenches? It’s got it’s ups and downs like any fandom. There are some parts that are more toxic than others. A lot of people yelling that their opinion is the only opinion. But overall? The good outweighs the bad. And the good? The good is great. Some fanfictions I’ve read are better than actual books I’ve read and just as moving. The fanart? Incredible. I love reading all the metas about random aspects of the show I never would have noticed. I love the music videos and I love the analytical videos. In real life, I’ve made many friends through our mutual love of this show. Hell, even getting sucked into GISH once or twice has given me some solid memories and brought me closer to friends. I wish all fandoms were this much like family. I’m so glad I got to be a part of this fandom and I can’t wait to continue being a fan. After all, nothing ever stays dead in Supernatural.

10. The Chaos & Insanity

Season 16 has been a time. First, Destiel went canon. Then suddenly Sherlock was having a 5th season, Putin was retiring, and Georgia was going blue. Destiel going “canon” and Joe Biden winning the presidency will always be correlated in my mind now. Things in the fandom went from quiet to blaringly loud real fast. Carry On happened. The fandom went into a civil war. I can’t even remember half of what happened in Season 16, but it’s been a wild ride. There’s been ups (my personal favorite being the french dub and the Saileen wedding). There’s been downs (Jared’s controversial statements and the original scripts being leaked). At one point Misha Collins had sex with Bill Clinton???? It’s been a wild time. It’s honestly gotten me through the end of this pandemic. At least it’s entertaining. I would say that at least all the craziness is over, but is it ever really over? Every time I say that something else completely insane happens. But it’s been fun. I’m glad I started watching this show despite my reservations and here’s to whatever happens next. 

[katehuntington]

Title: In Bad Waters - part ten Word count: ±3400 words Episode summary: Still in possession of the Winchesters’ belongings, Zoë meets up with the hunters on her next case. When it turns out to be a little more complicated than anticipated, she accepts their help in order to make an important deadline. Part ten summary: Zoë and the Winchesters face the aftermath of losing a victim. Especially the huntress takes it hard, and the reason soon surfaces. Episode warnings: Dark! NSFW, 18+ only! Descriptions of domestic violence/child abuse. Drug use/addiction. Angst, gore, violence, character death. Description of blood, injury and medical procedures/resuscitation. Swearing, alcoholism. Supernatural creatures/entities, mentions of demon possession. Descriptions of torture and murder, drowning. Illegal/criminal practices. Mentions of nightmares and flashbacks. Author’s note: Beta’d by @winchest09​​​​​​​ and @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​. Thanks, girls! Gif isn’t mine. If you are the creator or know who made it, please tell me so I can credit you.

Supernatural: The Sullivan Series Masterlist

S1E02 “In Bad Waters” Masterlist

     The black Harley Davidson rolls into the parking lot of the Hampton Inn, followed by the Chevrolet Impala. Zoë hasn’t said a word to Sam since she found Taylor at the Dawlson home. Both of them gave a statement to the local police and managed to talk their way out of an interrogation at the department, Zoë continuing her role as agent Sharon Evans. Without missing a beat, Sam improvised and said he was her partner. They kept the cops in the dark, hoping they will not be making their ghost hunt more difficult than it already is.

     Sam also talked to Jeff Dawlson. The poor guy was a mess, but the widower made clear that he was certain that this wasn’t just some ordinary murder. The silence, the windows that didn’t break, the door that didn’t open. He called it a force, something he couldn’t possibly begin to explain. Even for a skeptic down to earth guy like Jeff, this was obviously not from their world. So Sam told him everything about Laura, all that they know. Jeff took it quite well, even thanked them for their attempt to save his wife, but he was devastated, never to be the same.

     Quiet, Zoë gets off her bike, takes her laptop case out of the saddlebag and strolls to the entrance. She’s glad no one stole her Macbook when she left it at the terras, the database as valuable to her as John’s journal is to the boys.      Sam follows her, watching the huntress as she makes her way to room seventeen; not a single remark has left her lips, yet she keeps a straight face. People passing by don’t notice anything about the strong woman, but Sam can only imagine that this is messing with her.

     The huntress slips the key card through the lock and opens the door. As she expected, Dean is obviously present. A KFC bag and several paper wrappings plus an empty bucket that once contained fried chicken are scattered on the bedspread, loud music is blaring on the radio. Dean, who is freshening up in the bathroom, apparently didn’t hear them come in, because he keeps singing along with the song.

“There’s a lot of people sayin' we'd be better off dead. Don't feel like Satan, but I am to them. So I try to forget it, any way I can. Keep on rockin' in the free world!”, he belts out.

     His younger brother halts and raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t laugh or chuckle; his brother’s poor vocal skills would have been amusing if the circumstances were different.      Zoë doesn’t appreciate his singing either and she slams her fist on the bathroom door. “Hey, Neil Young! Shut your piehole, will ya?”      They hear a glass breaking on the bathroom floor and Zoë rolls her eyes while sighing deeply. Wonderful.      “Fuck,” Dean curses softly, then sets up a voice loud enough for Zoë to hear it. “Sorry!”

     Without responding she walks away from the door and turns down the volume of the radio completely, allowing a deadly silence to hover the room. As Sam picks up the paper wrappings, Dean pops his head around the corner.      “What the hell are you doing here?” he asks them both, when he notices his brother by the door.      “I could ask you the same thing,” Sam returns.      “I let him break in,” Zoë says before Dean can answer.      “Didn’t expect you two to be back anytime soon.” He walks out of the bathroom, buttoning his white shirt, since he doesn’t have a change of clothes. “The shower is amazing, by the way. It’s so big and it has this fucking awesome massage setting--”      “Something occurred at the Dawlsons,” Sam interrupts.

     His older brother halts and looks from Sam to Zoë, who sat down on the bed, staring at nothing in particular, her gaze blank.      She can feel his unspoken question and decides to answer. “She’s dead.”      Dean expected something like that when he sensed the mood, but it still comes as a shock. He needs a few seconds to collect his thoughts.      “Dead as in hit-by-a-car-dead or killed-by-a-ghost-dead?” he asks carefully.

     A depressing quietness remains between the hunters. Zoë doesn’t reply; words aren’t necessary. When her eyes meet his, Dean knows enough. The oldest of the brothers breathes out with a sigh and looks away, shaking his head; damn it.      “Did you see Laura?” he wonders.      “We did,” Sam responds on Zoë’s behalf. “We tried to stop her.”      Dean frowns at that. “How did you know Laura was inside the house? So far no one witnessed her actual attack, right?”      “I had a vision,” Sam explains.

     Both Zoë and Dean look up at him, stunned by his statement. Zoë is well aware Sam had one. But what she didn’t know is that Sam told his brother about his ability, which she presumes, as he just blurted it out like that.      Dean however, bites down the mixture of concern and frustration. He tries to ignore the fact his brother shared this information in the presence of the huntress, which they only met a couple of days ago.  Filing it under either carelessness, he addresses the other issue: since when does Sam have these visions when he’s awake? “You fell asleep or something’?”      “No, this was the first time he had one during the day,” Zoë answers before Sam does.

      The comment triggers Dean to snap his head towards her, unpleasantly surprised to learn she’s all up to date with Sam’s powers. Agitated, he glares at his brother.      “You told her?!” he exclaims.      “Yeah, so? We hunt together, so what’s the big deal?” Sam returns defensively.      “You wanna know what the big deal is? If this goes public amongst hunters, some of them might seriously keep an eye on you, Sam!” his brother snaps.      Zoë tries to cool the looming clash. “It’s safe with me, Dean.”      “That’s not the fucking point!” He counters angrily, focusing on the huntress. “He doesn’t realize how dangerous this could be!”      Sam reminds him of his presence. “Don’t talk like I’m not even here, Dean.”

Zoë’s not sure where it’s coming from, but she has the sudden urge to defend Sam. She can relate with the youngest Winchester, she’s going through the same after all. Dean has no idea what these special abilities feel like, how painful and confusing they are, how they wreck their mind. He’s not the one experiencing them. Who the hell does he think he is to tell Sam how to handle this?      “Like you have a clue what’s going on,” she jumps in. “I think hunters are the last ones on earth you should worry about.”      Dean narrows his eyes at her, reading into her words. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”      “Haven’t you wondered where this is coming from?” she looks up at him, waiting for an answer. “Because I for one have never encountered a human being with supernatural powers. Have you?”

     Silence. It might not have yet occurred to Dean, though, but Sam and Zoë have thought of it constantly. People, normal, random people, shouldn’t be having visions, period. Zoë is right; It’s not normal, it’s not human.

     Dean however, decides to ignore her notification and points his finger at his younger brother in the way a father would do to his son. “You shut up about this,” he warns. “If you wanna talk about it, talk to me. If you share this with anyone else--”      “Don’t you treat me like you’re Dad!” Sam counters.      Zoë rolls her eyes the moment John is mentioned. She turns to the window with her hands placed firmly on her slender waist.      “I am responsible for you and I am the one who has to drag your ass out of trouble when you have God knows what on your tail because of this freaky stuff. As long as Dad ain’t around, I’m gonna talk to you like that. Suck it up!” Dean returns sternly.      Sam huffs and grinds his teeth. He hates, absolutely hates it when he’s treated like a child. It doesn’t matter if he’s talked down on by Dad or Dean; he can’t stand it. He's twenty-two for Christ's sake!      “No. This is my life, my problem. I’m not gonna listen to you,” Sam sneers, cynically.      Furiously, Dean raises his voice. “Yes, you are!!”      “Would you two SHUT THE FUCK UP?!”

     Both brothers seize their argument and look at Zoë, who turned around to face then. Enraged, she glares at them, her penetrating eyes darting from one to the other, disgusted by their behavior.      “How old are you? Fucking ten?!” she asks resentfully. “People are dying and you two are actually arguing over who’s boss and who’s not?!”      Sam gulps; she has a point. This is senseless; because both Dean and Sam know that neither of them are willing to admit their wrong. Even Dean seems to be ashamed, his green eyes breaking away from Zoë’s penetrating stare.      “I’m gonna be honest with you two. If you don’t get along, that’s your problem, but you’re no good to me if you don’t function together,” she continues, gritting her teeth in frustration. “An innocent just died, Goddamnit!”

     They could hear a pin drop in the spacious hotel room. Having enough of the Winchesters’ stupidity, Zoë turns her back on them and saunters to the end of the room. She sits down on the bed, sniffing, then she wipes her nose. 

Sam and Dean exchange a look, both noticing how much this is bothering her. So far the huntress seems to be a lot more careless about cases; she’s more the shoot-to-thrill type. She was willing to leave this case in her rear view mirror after all.      Dean  carefully attempts to find out what’s really going on with the fellow hunter. “What’s wrong, Zo?”

     Instead of answering, she just shakes her head. Avoiding their questioning eyes, Zoë folds her hands together and rests her elbows on her knees. For a long while she doesn’t speak, but then she starts to open up, just a little bit.      “I was supposed to watch her,” she claims. “Yet I was goofing around and bored, while she got slaughtered.”      “This isn’t your fault,” Sam replies immediately, trying to take away the guilt.      “It is.” Her piercing gaze moves to meet his. “I should have known, I should have drawn a conclusion from the first two killings, but I didn’t.”      “Hey, we didn’t see this coming either,” Dean brings to mind.      “It doesn’t matter. Someone lost their life again while I could’ve prevented it,” she states, her voice fragile now.

     Sam furrows his brow, confused. Again? What does she mean? With a questioning look, he glances over at Dean and is surprised by what he sees. Compassion, compassion for Zoë. He realizes Dean might know more about her past, after all, he and Dad worked her case and casted out the demon that possessed her. Dean wasn't in a sharing mood when his younger brother requested more details about what happened back then. Sam thought he didn't know more and that their dad kept him in the dark, but now he begins to realize that he simply didn't want to elaborate on it. Is it not his place to tell? Or did that hunt go wrong?

     Dean offers some reassuring words, trying to convince her. “Zo, what happened back then was out of your hands.”      “Don’t go there,” she warns.      “You shouldn’t still be blaming yourself for that, nor should you feel guilty about today,” he presses.      “I said: Don’t. Go. There,” Zoë repeats, glaring over her shoulder.      Sam glances from one to the other, disorientated, unable to follow the conversation. The oldest of the Winchester brothers isn’t spooked by the threat, however.      “Maybe you should step away from the case,” he suggests.      “What?!” she cries out, perplexed.      “It’s obvious that you’re emotional about this, Zo,” he starts to explain, deliberately getting under her skin.      “Emotional?!” She scoffs, fury in her eyes, pressing her clenched fist in the mattress. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I not allowed to give a fuck about people dying? My mistake!”      “I’m just saying that maybe you should let us take care of this one,” he explains.

     He might say so, but Dean doesn’t want her to quit. What he does want, is to trigger her. He used the same technique on his brother before and it worked like a charm, it seems like it might just work on the huntress as well. He can sense her blood beginning to boil as she rises to her feet; he really pissed her off this time.      “Are you fucking serious right now?! I don’t quit on cases, I don’t take the easy way out!” she yells, pointing at her chest.      “You were gonna before you allowed us to help you. So tell me why the hell you’re so worked up all of a sudden,” he bounces back.      “No!” Zoë shouts outrageously, her voice hitting a higher tone than she anticipated. “I don’t wanna talk about it!”      “It’s been over four years, Zoë. It’s about damn time you talk about it. This isn’t healthy,” Dean pressures.      “I just can’t, okay?”

     Her voice is suddenly softer now as it breaks, almost begging him to stop. She averts her gaze quickly, but Sam could see her eyes glister. Slowly, he starts to get the idea of what happened back then, remembering the first file in her database, the one consisting of the demon that possessed her.      “Zoë, if this has something to do with that Diligo Vesco demon...” he carefully starts off. “Whatever happened, it wasn’t on you.”      “My hands--” She holds them up in front of her. “- and his blood all over them. Now don’t you tell me it wasn’t me.”

     Confused, Sam cocks his head from Zoë to Dean, who watches the woman with his arms crossed in front of his chest. His stance is still defensive, but his eyes tell a different story, one of empathy.      When the huntress spots the confused expression on Sam’s face and turns to Dean as well. “You didn’t tell him?”      “I didn’t. Wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with that,” he says.

     With a deep breath, she prepares to say the words that bring her so much pain. Words that remind her of that dreadful day, the moment that everything got screwed to hell. Her heartbeat has sped up throughout the conversation, first by anger, but now that she has to admit out loud what went down four years, four months and five days ago, she feels like it’s about to jump out of her chest. A panic attack is prevented when she breathes in through her nose slowly and lets the air flow from her mouth again, repeating it once more while closing her eyes. Then she looks up at Sam and swallows back the tears. She can’t break, she never has and she won’t now. With a trembling voice, she speaks up.

      “When I was possessed, I killed my dad.”

      Sam’s jaw almost drops to the ground. For a moment he just stares at her, his eyes large, unable to form words. Poor, poor girl. Losing a parent is one thing, but she experienced her father’s murder like she was the one killing. How do you get over that?      And just like that, he sees Zoë in a totally different light. Her attitude makes more sense, her eagerness to hunt, her reluctance to new friendships. She lost one of the most important people in her life, no wonder she shut herself in.

     Both boys watch her struggle, there’s not much they can do to make her feel better. She walks over to the window and rubs her face. The brothers can’t see the tears run down her cheek, but they know she turned away to prevent them from witnessing her sorrow. She can’t show her weakness, not to them, not to anyone.

     Dean notices something about her that he recognizes in himself. The huntress is unable to express how she feels, simply because it hurts too much. It’s easier to stuff it away and sweep it under the rug, hoping that way it doesn’t have to be dealt with, that the pain will slowly fade away over time. But let’s be fair; it doesn’t.

     Zoë sighs deeply and takes heart, turning back to them when the tears have stopped falling.      “We shouldn’t be talking about me, guys. Our ghost is getting more violent by the hour. We need to stop this,” she reminds them.      Sam glances at his brother and their eyes meet. He knows she’s avoiding the subject, but they have to admit there is truth in her words. Laura might be killing someone right now, especially since Sam left the Shire residence unattended. They decide to give it a rest.

     “You’re right, let’s get our head back in the game. I’m gonna get the doctor to talk, I won’t take no for an answer.” He grabs his tie from the chair and folds it around his collar as he looks up at Sam, awaiting a follow up from his younger brother.      “I’ll check on the Shires and keep you guys in the loop,” Sam suggests.      “Sounds good to me. Talk to them too, fire it up a little. Maybe they know more about this. We need more intel to wrap this one up and we need it fast,” Zoë urges, checking her watch and startled to see that it’s almost five o’ clock.      “Take the car. I’ll walk, it’s just a block away,” Dean nods at the car keys on the drawer, while struggling with his tie.      “C’mere,” Zoë beckons him to edge closer and takes Dean’s tie in her hands.      Skillfully, she redoes it, her hands moving swiftly. Dean can’t help to take in her pretty face. Her makeup has run down a little, it emphasizes her frame of mind. Focused on her task at hand, she avoids his unraveling eyes.

     “Should I tell them the truth?” Sam proposes.      “Not yet,” she tightens Dean’s tie and dares to look up at him. “You try to speak with the doctor first. We're sure he actually knows something, but we aren’t certain about the Shire family. We don’t want to spook them.”      “Okay, let’s go then.” Dean picks up his suit jacket and heads for the door.      Sam hesitates in the doorway, glancing over his shoulder at the young woman. “What are you gonna do?”       “I’m gonna look into Laura, see who she was close to. I can imagine the kid would’ve tried to stay out of that toxic household as much as she could, maybe she stayed over with friends a lot. Could lead to her next victim,” she explains.      “We’ll get her, Zo,” Dean assures.      “Hell, we will. Taylor was the last one killed by Laura Shire,” she states determined.

      Just after she pronounces those words, the door slams and locks. Surprised, Zoë stares at the doorknob, which felt like it was just ripped from her hand. As she slowly turns around, she feels chills running down her spine, the tingling sensation way too familiar. The bathroom light starts to flicker, then the faucet of the sink turns, water splattering on the porcelain. Suddenly the TV flips on, but all broadcasts a disorted image and static noise. She exhales clouds of warm air, her breath condensed, the temperature suddenly changing. It turns ice cold in the room.

      Zoë gulps. “Oh, fuck.”

      Seems like she doesn’t have to search very long to find Laura’s next victim; it’s her. Anxiously, Zoë searches the room for something iron, but then suddenly the image of the ten year old girl appears in the corner. Her blonde hair looks darkened, her pupils hazed over with white. The nightgown she was wearing the night she was killed is stained with blood. Then her eyes sink deep into their sockets, leaving gaping black holes in her small skull, before her form flickers and suddenly stands right before the huntress. Without an iron forged weapon or anything to use in the huntress’ defence, Zoë stares at the poltergeist for a brief second. This is it; she’s fucked. Even though she realizes the boys can’t hear her, she cries out one of their names at the top of her lungs.

  “SAM!!!”              

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).    

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles on Directing His Final ‘Supernatural’ Episode, Bringing His Music into the Show

“Supernatural” leading man Jensen Ackles made his directorial debut on the show in the sixth season and then went on to direct a handful more. But after Season 11’s “The Bad Seed,” it seemed like he was taking a break from pulling double duty on the demon-hunting CW drama. His work in front of the camera kept him busy, as did the twins who turned his family of three into a family of five. But when the show was renewed for a 15th and final season, he knew he had to sit back in the director’s seat one more time. 

“It was a little bit like the first time I did it just — just a little hesitant on a few things — but really, once I started rolling it was like riding a bike,” Ackles tells Variety. “We’ve got such a solid crew up here, from all the department heads all the way down. And this is not a crew that wants people to fail, and they certainly don’t want me to fail — or at least they put on that hat. So to be honest, you just have to do the work: You’ve got to put in the hours and make a lot of decisions, answer a lot of questions and then just hope that you’ve created a detailed enough roadmap than when you get on set you can navigate everything really easily. That’s what we did.”

The result is “Atomic Monsters,” the sixth episode Ackles has directed overall and the fourth episode of the final season. In it, Ackles’ Dean and Jared Padalecki’s Sam investigate the mysterious death of a teenage cheerleader and the disappearance of another from the same school.“We see the brothers back together as they normally are, doing what they’re great at, and that’s saving people and hunting things,” Ackles says.

As has been tradition for Ackles when directing episodes of “Supernatural,” “Atomic Monsters” was the first episode shot of the season. This allowed Ackles to properly devote time to location scouting and prep work without having to worry about juggling these elements of his directorial duties with his usual actor responsibilities. It also allowed him to have enough time to sit with the script after breaking it down that he realized it was missing an element he really wanted: a big action sequence. So he created one.

“I took a concept in the beginning and really stretched it out to make it a bigger sequence,” he says, noting that showrunner Andrew Dabb always says, “The more action, the better,” which gave Ackles the greenlight. It’s “quite different than anything we’ve seen recently. It’s definitely more of a theatrical style, the way it was shot, the way it was designed. I had a lot of help in doing it.”

In it, Ackles directed himself in hand-to-hand combat and stunts, as well as a couple of key emotional moments, including bringing back “a character who’s one of my favorite characters of all time,” Ackles says. “It wasn’t even on the page. I said, ‘Can we make this character this person?’ And they were like, ‘If you can get this person — I believe they’re working right now.’ I made the call. He was literally working one day, had the next day off, so he flew in, did one scene, flew out and was working on his other project the next day.”

While Ackles and Padalecki always carry the bulk of the “Supernatural” episodes, “Atomic Monsters” does give Ackles a bit of a reprieve on-screen, thanks to the ongoing Big Bad storyline of Chuck aka God (Rob Benedict). Last the show checked in on him, he was trying to appeal to his sister Amara (Emily Swallow) because he wasn’t operating at full capacity and that impotence was rendering him useless and scared.

“For some reason on the page it read like a well-written B-storyline, but when we got it on its feet and started filming it, it very quickly became my favorite part of the episode,” Ackles says about the material with Chuck, “because of the contrast of emotion that Chuck brings. He’s kind of his funny, Chuck self, and then all of a sudden it gets really, really dark. And I think being able to have that balance in a page-and-a-half scene is a testament to how great the character’s written but also a testament to how great of an actor Rob is. He’s just so great at what he does, and I found myself forgetting to yell, ‘Cut’ because I was like an audience member behind the monitors.”

However, Ackles did also add a new level to himself as a performer in “Atomic Monsters”: by singing. Although Ackles’ vocals have been featured on albums dating as far back as the “Soap Sessions: Beatles Classics” compilation during his “Days of our Lives” days, he has yet to bring his musical talents into his television show — until now. The single “Sounds of Someday” off “Radio Company Vol. 1,” his debut album with long-time friend and musical collaborator Steve Carlson, plays over the climax of Dean and Sam’s run-in with the monster of the week that they are hunting.

“To be honest our editor inquired about it; he said, ‘I know you did some music over the break, do you think we could take anything and plug it in?’ I wasn’t angling for that, I wasn’t pushing that, and in fact we didn’t even tell Bob or Andrew or anybody; we just floated it in there and waited to see if anybody said, ‘I don’t really care for that song, I don’t know who that is,'” Ackles says. “And nobody said that.”

In addition to “Sounds of Someday” Ackles says he had a few other music cues in his director’s cut, including a big one at the end. “Two of the three got taken out; mine was the last one standing,” he says of his new single. “That was a small victory. That was a nice vote of confidence, especially from a show that prides itself on music so much.”

Part of the reason Ackles has enjoyed being a part of “Supernatural” for 15 years is because the show allows him to try new things, both in front of and behind the camera. And before the series signs off in May, Ackles still has one more new box he might like to check: creating the story for an episode.

“We have an idea for an episode to explore,” Ackles says of himself and Padalecki. “When the show explores its wacky side I think we get a lot of really, really good stuff. And he and I and Richard Speight have been kind of kicking an idea for an episode around for a year and a half, two years now.”

Citing previous one-off humorous episodes including “Changing Channels” and “The French Mistake,” Ackles says this idea is not of the lore, which means it might not end up making it in the final season after all. 

“It is a lofty idea, and to be honest we’re shooting such a concentrated season because we’re trying to pack so much into the last episodes,” he says. “I’m not going to count on it because obviously we’re not the writers of the show — that’s not our job — and I would never force our ideas on the writers, but that would be a really fun box to check.”

And, he reiterates, if there’s not room to do it now, “maybe we’ll save it for the reboot.”

“Supernatural” airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on the CW. 

[variety.com/2019/tv/features/supernatural-season-15-jensen-ackles-directing-interview-atomic-monsters-1203394220/]

[superbadassnatural]

Supernatural: The Musical

Summary: After an exhausting case, Y/N decides to give her boys a little treat. Square filled: Fan Fiction - episode (spntfwbingo) // Free Space (deanandsambingo) Pairing: Sam x Reader x Dean Word count: 2,172 Warnings: fluff, polyamourous relationship, feelings, brief mention of threesome A/N:  Not gonna lie, I rewatched this episode and I cried. Again. Gosh, this episode gets me so emotional. I’ve changed some things, but the prime idea of the episode is intact. This was written for @spntfwbingo and @deanandsambingo​. Hope you like it ;)

(x)

The strays of sunshine struggled to get past the grimes on the blinds, adding an orange glow to the motel room. Your eyes fluttered open. You blinked a few times as your hand fumbled through the nightstand in search of your phone. It was way too early to be awake. Although you knew you weren’t going to be able to go back to sleep.

You and the Winchester’s were exhausted. What was supposed to be a simple, quick salt and burn in Flint, Michigan ended up taking you guys a whole week to get it done. The boys were grumpy and impatient. Especially Dean. He’d complain every single day about the cheap motel you were staying in. Of course, it wasn’t the best thing in the world, but it wasn’t the worst either. You were now too used to the bunker and the homey feeling and everything less comfortable than that would cause some stress.

While in the bunker you three shared a bedroom with a giant super-king-sized bed, in the motel you had two kings. And you had to take turns between their beds. One night you’d sleep with Dean, the other with Sam, and so on.

Deep down both of them enjoyed having you all for themselves. They were now used to the idea of sleeping on the same bed with you in the middle. But Dean loves to sleep with you without his brother hogging the blanket. And Sam loves when he gets to hold you close to him without having his brother’s arm draped over your waist.

It is what it is. You still remember that one night after many drinks and lots of confessions while playing Never Have I Ever, you ended up in a hot, sweaty Winchester sandwich. Then feelings got in the way and you refused to choose between them and risk ruining their bond. So to your surprise, they had decided to share you and try this unconventional relationship. 8 months later and you guys are still strong.

You reached for Sam’s arm — that held you close to his chest, engulfing you in his warmth — and lifted slowly from your waist so you could get up.

“Where you going?” he mumbled, though his eyes remained closed. His voice was hoarse from sleep.

“Shh, I’m just going to get us breakfast,” you shushed him, removing a few strands of hair from his tender face. “You can go back to sleep, baby,” you placed a kiss on his pink lips.

Before you went to the bathroom to get ready to leave the room, you walked towards Dean’s bed. He was sound asleep. His plump lips parted and his hair spiking in different ways. You kissed his temple. His eyes squeezing unwittingly.

You changed your clothes and grabbed the car keys. Before walking out of the room, you left a note on the table to let them know you went out to grab breakfast.

There was a coffee shop a few blocks down the road that promised they had pie worth dying for. You ordered a latte for yourself and black for the boys, along with sandwiches for you and Sam and four slices of pie, since you knew Dean would have at least two.

As you waited, you couldn’t help but glance around the place, taking in every detail. It was very homey. The smell of coffee was delightful and the environment was really cozy.

“Marie is really stressed with her play,” you couldn’t help but hear the woman talk to her friend beside you. “She worked really hard and she’s worried about tonight.”

“I’m sure it’s gonna go great,” the other woman said. “I have never read those Supernatural books, but I’m sure the kids did a great job of turning it into a musical play.”

You almost choked on your own saliva. What the hell? Supernatural is now a musical play?, you thought to yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you approached them. “I didn’t mean to pry, but I heard you say that there’s a musical play of Supernatural and I’m a huge fan.”

“Really?” the dark-haired woman grinned wildly. “My daughter is directing the play.”

“Oh, that’s amazing!” you replied. “I’d love to attend this play. Do you know when they’re performing?”

“It’s tonight actually. It takes place in St. Alphonso’s Academy’s auditorium. It’s a school play,” she exclaimed. “I’m sure that there are a few tickets that hadn’t been sold yet. You can buy it at school.”

“That’s great!” you jabbered. “I’m gonna do this right away.”

“The school is close by. Just a couple blocks down the road.”

“Got it. Thank you,” you replied, leaving them be as you grabbed your order and headed out of the cafe.

You were back at the motel in no time with breakfast and three tickets for “Supernatural: the musical”. You knew they wouldn’t be fond of it, but it was the kind of distraction you three needed.

“You’re not dragging me to this,” Dean growled with a shake of his head.

“C’mon Dean, this can be fun. We need to relax a little,” you whined.

“Fun? There’s nothing fun about our lives, Y/N,” he hissed.

“Baby, please, it’s a musical. It’ll be nice,” you cupped his stubbled cheeks. “Please, for me,” you pouted, batting your eyelashes.

The hunter let out a defeated sigh with a roll of his eyes. You grinned.

Dean is usually more difficult into talking him out of something. In the beginning, you had a hard time convincing him to agree to do what you asked. But time passed and you learned from Sam that if you give him your best puppy dog eyes, he’ll give in. Ever since you learned that you have your way with both of them. Just a simple batting of lashes and a kicked dog face are able to get them to do whatever you want. And right now you want to go to that concert.

“I can’t wait to see this,” you beamed, hopping out of the backseat once Dean parked in front of St. Alphonso’s Academy.

“You’re weirdly excited about this,” Sam frowned.

“You know, I wanna see who is portraying us. And if I’m at the story at least.”

You entered the auditorium and made your way to your seats. As usual, you were sitting between them. Dean got up before it started to grab some popcorn and — since there was no beer — coke for you and water for Sammy. He’d be happily drinking whiskey from his flask.

The lights went out and the auditorium was dark, save for the spotlight on the curtains. A girl dressed as who you assumed to be Sammy appeared on stage.

“Good evening everybody,” she greeted. Her wig was on point. “Welcome to our production of Supernatural.”

“Look, that’s you,” you nudged Sam, whispering.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “This is weird,”

“Not gonna lie. It might be a full-on Gallagher show up in this piece, heh,” she warned. “So those of you in the front rows may want to use the ponchos we provided under your seats. You may in fact get wet on this ride.”

“She’s so nervous. That’s cute,” you said.

“So everybody just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.”

With that, she walked out. Rock music began to play and the curtains opened slowly. You were so excited you could feel your heart beating faster. In fact, you looked like a child in a candy store.

The whole scenario was beautiful and it was obvious they had put so much effort into it. As a girl dressed as Dean appeared, your Dean almost choked on his popcorn.

“You gotta be kidding me,” he muttered.

“John and Mary, husband and wife,” Dean, the character, began to sing, “Bringing home a brand new life. His name is Sammy. I’m big brother Dean.”

You were completely loving it so far. The boys… well, they weren’t hating it. Both of them had their brows furrowed as they tried to get used to the idea of the musical.

“There’s no singing in Supernatural,” Dean mumbled.

Despite their annoyance, in no time you could see Sam tapping his fingers on his thigh according to the beat of the song. As you look down, Dean was also tapping his feet. So they were enjoying it after all.

As Sam, the character, started singing a song about Dean, you felt the boys tense a little. You reached for their hands. This play was starting to hit them somehow.

The play went on. Eventually, a girl dressed as yourself appeared on stage. It seemed that in the books you were dating Dean. Yet, there was something odd about the way your character was close to Sammy. Subtext. And it was funny how they put on some tension — sexual tension, you dare to say — between Cas and Dean. Again. Subtext. The musical went on. Its primal focus was the story of the two brothers so you didn’t appear on most of the scenes. Either way, you enjoyed seeing yourself from a different point of view.

What seemed to be the final act started. The boys were driving baby. This time you weren’t on the scene. It was the so-called BM scene — no, not bowel-movement, but boy melodrama.

“We need to go back on the road, Dean,” fake Sam glanced at his brother. “Doing what we do best,” a smile appeared on the girl’s face. “Saving people. Hunting things. You know, the family business.”

The scene played out in front of you and the boys smiled. They tightened the hold on your hand as if to be sure you were there with them. You had tears in your eyes and you were trying to hold them back or both of them would pick on you for the rest of your life.

“You’re right, Sammy,” fake Dean smirked. “Out on the road. Just the two of us.”

“The two of us against the world,”

A sob escaped your lips. Two sets of eyes landed on you. Sam and Dean smiled sympathetically. You were definitely the most sensitive out of the three of you. Dean wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him. You laid your head on his shoulder. Sam grabbed your hand between his giant ones and pressed to his lips. As Dean’s thumb caressed soothingly your waist, Sam’s did on your hand. Both of them reassuring you they were there with you.

“The three of us against the world,” Sam corrected. And here you thought you couldn’t love him more.

A girl over the piano started playing “Carry On My Wayward Son”. The girl who had played Mary started singing, followed by the one who’d starred as John. Then the cast joined them. Their voice was beautiful and it only made you cry even more.

“Who’s that?” Sam asked as a girl with a short, blond wig appeared.

“I think that’s Adam,” you sniffed. “You know, your brother who’s still in the cage trapped with Lucifer,”

You were an entire mess. Lots of tears running down your flushed cheeks. Seeing your lives from another point of view really hit you. And most important the reminder of the Winchester’s unbreakable bond.

Sam stared at the scene in front of him. The youngest Winchester was not sure about what he was feeling. He only knew there was something in his chest that wasn’t there before. He had hope. Deep down he’s starting to believe that, despite all the things he had been through, there might be a way out. Maybe one day everything will end and he’ll be able to live a peaceful life. A normal life. With all its boredom and safety.

The corner of his lips curled up a little. His hazel eyes held a glisten of hope.

Dean was on a internal conflict as the musical wrapped up in front of his eyes. This was a light version of his life. It didn’t have all the blood, all the pain, and all the losses. It didn’t show how broken he is. And even though he’s had many moments of joy, his life was miserable. In his point of view, there might not be a way out of hunting. This play hit him harder than he’d like to admit.

The oldest Winchester’s jaw clenched slightly. His green orbs reflecting how broken and hopeless he felt.

————— “See, it wasn’t that bad,” you pointed as you climbed in the backseat of the impala.

They only hummed in response. Yep, a school play hit them hard. The roar of the impala broke the silence as Dean started it.

“So, Destiel huh?” you smirked, knowing it would piss Dean off.

“I still think it should be Deastiel,” Sam replied. “What about Samstiel?”

“That sounds weird. I think it’s Sastiel,”

“You’re probably right,” Sam nodded, but you could tell there was something his mind was working on. “CasDean?”

“Alright,” Dean barked. “Both of you, shut your faces.”

Feedback is always appreciated! Please, let me know what you think of this one. Feel free to share your thought via reply, reblog or ask.

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Dean sweethearts:

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[orionsangel86]

Sam & Eileen - A Supernatural Romance.

I am quite clearly over the moon about 15x06 and Sam reunited with and bringing Eileen back from the dead. I was so over the moon in fact, that I burst into tears when Eileen stepped out of the bathtub and took Sam’s hand. That was… wow. 

That was the most romantic moment in this show since 13x05 “it’s never too late” (also a return from the dead!)

So I was inspired to write an homage meta post celebrating Sam and Eileen’s romance looking back at everything canon has given us on this epic pairing.

It turns out, despite all my usual grumbling, there is still one het ship out there that I can totally get behind, and no one deserves love more than our dear Sam Winchester.

11x04 - Baby

This is where I believe the story started for Sam. 

“You don’t ever want something more?”

(x)

“You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

This question, from Sam to his brother at the start of Season 11, has shaped so much of the subtext in the seasons following. It’s significance to the Winchesters individual development arcs, their hopes, their dreams. It blatantly spelled out for the audience what both these boys desire and what they deserve for each of their endgames.

Not a white picket fence, not the apple pie life, just something. Something that suits them. Something to share with someone else, romantically, who might fit that particular box. Let me be very clear here and stress that Sam certainly wasn’t talking about him and Dean finding that something with each other.

Dean’s journey towards finding that something has been building for even longer than this particular moment in canon, with the other stand out scene being his confession in 10x16 where he talked about having things, people, feelings, that I want to experience differently than before, or maybe even for the first time. Dean’s journey is something we have discussed at length, and as every meta writer in fandom knows all too well, it only leads in one particular direction - towards a certain dreamy blue eyed angel. 

Sam’s journey has not been discussed as intensely as Dean’s, but 11x04 did lay groundwork for the writers to build upon. It hasn’t been as smooth or as obvious in the subtext as Dean’s either, with certain writing decisions appearing to come out of left field and confuse the path. But it seems that Dabb has course corrected and brought us back on track. 

This episode was the first time in canon in a long time that we heard Sam textually voice his desire for a romantic relationship of some kind. I therefore immediately got excited and locked this moment away in a pocket in my heart to pull out again if ever the show would introduce a character who could fit those requirements for Sam. 

The show did not disappoint.

11x11 Into the Mystic

GOD I forgot how full of delicious layers this episode was! It was written by the same writer who wrote 11x04. Robbie Thompson clearly had something in mind for Sam when he first wrote that script, and he gave it to us (and Sam) in this episode.

Eileen is introduced in 11x11 as another Hunter on a quest for vengeance - to avenge her murdered family.

It isn’t a surprise that we basically immediately shipped Eileen with Sam after this episode first aired, because her entire backstory is written to compliment Sam. Within the first 5 minutes of getting to know her, she already fulfills the requirements from Sam’s wistful speech in 11x04. She is a hunter, she is someone who understands the life. But more than that, she is all of the following:

She is on a revenge quest

She has murdered parents

She was raised by a Hunter or rather “trained” to be a Hunter rather than raised (in a scene which implies a similarly strict hunter upbringing to Sam and Dean)

She continued hunting alone after her guardian died

Her grandfather was a Man of Letters, making her a MOL Legacy, just like Sam.

Her mother was a lawyer, so she makes a joke about studying law which prompts further bonding with Sam due to his Stanford law education.

Eileen catches Sam’s eye almost immediately, and it is surprising I didn’t pick up on that on my first watch at the time, but Eileen is literally disguised as the cleaner in order to go unnoticed. Sam had no reason to be suspicious of her, and I think at the time we all assumed that he just wanted to question a potential witness - but even so, there was no need to interrupt Mildred to go speak to her. Could Sam’s distraction have been a bit more than strictly professional? In hindsight I’m gonna go with YES.

Their next meet is cute simply because by this point the audience is misled to think that she is actually the banshee. The ominous music tones, the shots of Eileen watching the Winchesters from a window. We believe that she is the villain, and then when she uses magic to pin Sam and comes at him with a dagger it’s practically a romantic trope used in enemies to lovers fics. A case of mistaken identity (another trope) and Sam and Eileen are able to reveal each of their truths. They bond immediately with both Sam and the audience learning all of the above. the checklist requirements indicating their compatibility is so blatantly obvious its almost too on the nose. But then het romance always seems that way doesn’t it?

The real kicker in this episode that made my heart sing at the time was this:

“Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need anything. Or even if you just wanna hang out”

“you can’t call me though, I mean you could call but I won’t answer.”

(x)

FIRST OF ALL - HOW DARE YOU KILL ME WITH FEELS SAMMY OVER THAT GORGEOUS SMILE

Sam’s line here though was SUCH A LINE. “Or even if you just wanna hang out”

I see you Sam Winchester. Hoping for Netflix and Chill right? I know you have Netflix. You gave Cas your password. :P

This little interaction at the end of this episode was pure flirtation and it was gorgeous to watch (and to rewatch, with hindsight, knowing what happens in 15x06 to totally deepen their relationship. Urgh. I guess I really am a sucker for a good old fashioned Supernatural Love Story!)

The other big takeaway from this episode is that meeting Eileen rejuvenated Sam. He starts the episode unable to sleep, haunted by his Lucifer trauma and feeling so down and broody that Dean steps in constantly to ask if he’s okay and try to engage in talking about feelings (always a bad sign for a Winchester to get to the point where they feel they need to ask the other to talk about feelings!)

But the end of the episode marks a significant change in Sam. He smiles, he opens up to Dean, he textually states that the case helped him. He opens up a keepsake box (that we never knew he had before this episode) and puts the retirement homes leaflet in there - an indication that he actually has hope that he might live to see a happy retirement (a wonderful sign for someone who just 40 minutes ago was acting like a total nihilist.)

The case alone wasn’t some spectacular revelation, so what else could have possibly caused Sam’s change of heart? The answer is obvious. Eileen did. She acted like a beacon of light this episode for Sam, and in a perfect bookend to how the episode opened, Sam curls up in bed, turns off his light, and is able to sleep. It is only Dean who spends the night restless and haunted.

This was the first time that Eileen acted as a “win” for Sam just by meeting him.

Unfortunately, we don’t meet Eileen again until a whole season later in

12x17 - The British Invasion

This episode is a far cry away from 11x11′s layered genius. Messy, overly plot heavy, too many various character stories causing mental whiplash, too much focus on unnecessary side characters, LUCIFER existing in general, an unnecessary sex scene between Mary and Ketch (eww), a bloody death scene, and moments of utter stupidity from the lead characters.

In other words it’s a CLASSIC BUCKLEMING.

Do yourselves a favour and if you ARE planning on re-watching this episode, just skip to the parts with Dean, Sam and Eileen (the Dagon and Kelly stuff is relatively good as well - the rest is utter garbage).

Anyway, pushing aside my hatred for the terrible duo for a moment, I will say that as per usual, what they lack in subtlety and intelligent subtextual layering, they make up for with a sledge hammer to the face in terms of trying to get a point across. So when it comes to Saileen in this episode, well, it might as well be canon already.

Practically every time Sam and Eileen interact in this episode, they are framed as a flirtatious couple in the early tentative stages. The smiles and playful flirting, the smirks when one does something to make the other proud. It is very clear, even if it is still technically subtextual, that both Jared and Shoshannah are playing this like these characters are attracted to one another, and are building on that relationship.

Hell, even Dean teases Sam twice about Eileen in this episode (though once was in a deleted scene that they should have kept instead of the Lucifer crap):

(x)

What we also find out from this opening scene, is that Sam and Eileen have been communicating off screen since 11x11. It is textually confirmed that the two of them have been developing their relationship previously, and we just haven’t seen it. Did Eileen visit the Bunker previously? Because she certainly seemed comfortable there this episode. Have her and Sam cuddled up to watch movies previously? (We know another pairing that textually do this even though we’ve never seen it on screen - Dean and Cas). Dean feels comfortable enough to tease his little brother in that playful typical sibling way, so clearly Eileen at this point has become a more frequent character in Sam’s life. It’s just a shame we as the audience have never seen anything of it until this episode. 

This episode might be the first time we have seen her again since her introduction, but it certainly isn’t the first time Sam has seen her since. This is canon.

The rest of this episode continues this theme of displaying with zero subtlety that Sam and Eileen have something more than friendship. One of the easiest ways to truly see the effect of this is just watching Sam in scenes with her compared to Sam at any other time. Like in 11x11, Eileen manages to light Sam up and have him grinning like a puppydog. It’s kind of adorable and also quite shocking when you realise how rare it is to see Sam smile (or any of the characters in this angstfest of a TV show for that matter.)

Just look at the above cheesy smile in the car scene. Look at Sam’s bashful face here when Dean teases him in front of his girl:

(x)

Look at this smug face when Eileen snaps back at the irritating guy:

(x)

Jared hits every mark playing a loved up Sam Winchester. 

By the end of this episode, a tragedy strikes and Eileen is scared off. Their relationship here ends on a comforting hug, because meaningful relationships in this show are almost always first signified with comforting hugs following traumatic events, and tentative hand holding.

The way he strokes her hair gently is just SO touching and intimate.

(x)

When all is said and done Eileen leaves, terrified of the British Men of Letters. When Dean asks Sam where she was, he tells him she went back to Ireland, and Sam looks so dejected at that thought. I don’t see how anyone can possibly read his reactions towards Eileen as anything other than romantic affection.

As a bonus point - I will mention that due to Bucklemings sledgehammer approach, it is quite clear that Eileen plays a Cas mirror in this episode. All of her scenes with Sam are paired off against Dean who spends this entire episode trying and failing to get hold of Castiel. In the Winchester’s final scene, Sam greets Dean in the morning and immediately asks his brother about Cas. Sam does this a lot in season 12, because Dean’s concern for Cas is present throughout every episode in which he is absent. Dean admits he is worried, but changes the subject, instead asking Sam about Eileen (note that it is the next morning so Dean assumed she had stayed the night).

Both brothers revert to the other when it comes to their respective partners. Sam leaves it up to Dean to contact and worry about Cas, and Dean does the same with Sam about Eileen. By this being a common pattern throughout pretty much all of Carver/Dabb eras, both brothers subtextually acknowledge that they each have a strong emotional connection with their respective potential romantic partners and therefore any contact or communication about each partner must come from the brother closest. 

12x21 - There’s Something About Mary

Another Buckleming episode and the less said about this one the better. I won’t even mention the extremely insulting and inappropriate way to kill off a disabled character (almost as bad as killing off a lesbian by having nazis butcher her) I also won’t comment on the letter that Eileen sent Sam which whilst it did have romantic undertones, was clearly written by a 12 year old girl and did not marry with Eileen’s character at all (Eugenie showing her misogyny again).

The one good thing that came out of this episode (the only good thing) was Jared’s understated grief over Eileen’s death. 

(x)

(x)

His performance dealing with her death in this episode was beautiful. It was understated, but clearly portrayed as heartbreaking. Unfortunately Sam had to push it down and bottle it up. 

Eileen’s death was a huge shocker to us all as it didn’t make any sense at that point to cut short a story that seemed so clearly to be on a specific trajectory. We often talk about how Eileen’s romance with Sam at the time was tied to Dean and Cas, and that their relationship paralleled Dean and Cas’s in the narrative. This is all true, especially the death of Eileen coming as foreshadowing for the death of Castiel at series end. Just looking at that above gif of Sam where he looks at her corpse bears an extreme resemblance to Dean pulling back the sheet and looking down at a dead Castiel in 13x01.

However much I squee and love that these relationships are clear mirrors of each other though, I need to stress how Saileen, how Sam and Eileen’s canon relationship, is so much more than that. They may have mirrored Destiel, but they are also totally different, on a different course, and with a totally different backstory. Eileen doesn’t exist just to give Sam his own version of Cas to run off with. She is not there just to push up a separate ship. Sam and Eileen’s romance stands alone in this story. It may mirror DeanCas at times, but its purpose is not for DeanCas. It’s purpose is for Sam and Eileen. 

Right from the start she ticked all of Sam’s boxes, and the clear attraction between them made it obvious. Yet Eileen was not written to just be a love interest either. She is an ally, a capable hunter, who is written deeply, with her own trauma’s and tragic past. Yet she keeps fighting, all whilst owning her disability and making it work for her rather than hold her back. She is hardly a Lisa, or an Amelia, both of whom had zero depth of character and were more or less written to look pretty and concerned as the Winchester boys basically treated them terribly. Eileen stands out as an individual character far beyond her relationship with Sam. She was full of potential which is why her quick death was an absolute travesty. 

Eileen should not have been killed off. I believe even the writers are well aware of that, and this is why they brought her back. 

Which brings me to:

15x06 - Golden Time

We knew long before this episode aired that Eileen would be back as Dabb revealed her return at SDCC. He made comments at the time ensuring that any characters he brought back would not be fanservice, that they would be characters chosen because the writers felt their stories ended too quickly, and that they had more stories to tell. Something I believe that DabbBerens are doing in particular in this season is righting the wrongs of the past. Eileen’s death was a clear “wrong” and I think its highly likely that DabbBerens’ were aware of this and saw Eileen as a no-brainer to bring back. As I said at the start of this post, Dabb is course correcting, getting his endgame plans back on track, and ensuring that he hits certain markers in order to do that. 

Once again, we are at a place in the story where Sam is grieving, and suffering deeply from all of the loss and trauma that he has faced. Being God’s personal puppet, losing his mother, losing his son, and losing someone he was close to in Rowena by his own hand, has left him in a dark place. Sam’s arc in early season 15 plays out very similarly to Dean’s arc in early season 13. A Winchester in desperate need of a win.

Eileen was Sam’s win in this episode.

Given the time that has passed since Eileen’s last episode, and how the narrative has progressed since then, I was worried that Eileen’s return would seem like fan service, and would therefore fall flat (I felt this way with AU!Charlie and never warmed to the character because of it). I was also worried that whatever potential relationship might have been building between her and Sam in seasons 11 and 12 might not have shone through in this episode. But thankfully the writers played it pretty damn perfectly and Eileen’s return wasn’t just a small side plot to an otherwise jam packed episode (like Kevin’s return in 15x02). No, her story was the A plot as Sam devoted himself to finding a way to save her from a terrible fate.

My concerns about their potential romantic relationship not being played as it was in 12x17 were also completely unfounded. From the moment Sam saw Eileen’s ghost whilst on a jog the romance was immediately back and I have no doubt that Jared and Shoshannah are once again fully playing up the connection and romantic attraction between the two. 

I am so convinced of the romance being put across here, and I want you to see why I adore this so much (in case you don’t already see it). So here are my biggest and most important takeaways from Eileen and Sam’s scenes in this episode and WHY I feel these stand out as significant elements towards proving the writers intentions for this to be an endgame canon relationship:

1. Aside from the obvious similarities between Sam and Eileen that were written into 11x11 in order to ensure that Eileen was able to stand as Sam’s equal, the one other thing that we have long discussed that Sam needs in a partner is someone who at least somewhat understands the trauma and pain that he has experienced in his life. Sam has predominantly bonded with people via shared trauma. Before her death, Eileen had had her fair share of traumatic experiences growing up in the tough hunter lifestyle, but spending an eternity being tortured in Hell is a different level of trauma entirely.

This episode cleverly once again elevated Eileen to the same level as Sam. They are equals now, both through good and bad experiences. Eileen was dragged to Hell, and only escaped when Chuck released the souls. Given that 1 year on Earth is 100 years in Hell, this means that Eileen was in Hell for 250 years give or take. Her trauma, her pain over this, is something that she can’t talk about just yet, but this significant connection between her and Sam was textualised clearly:

SAM: “I’ve been there too. Hell… long time ago. You try and forget but it gets inside you. Talking helps.”

EILEEN: “I can’t. not yet.”

SAM: “I understand”

And he really does. It is something that we can argue is a shared suffering that can create a (forgive me for this) profound bond between two people. The only other people who can understand just what he has been through were Dean (via years of Hell torture), Cas (via shared Lucifer possession), and Rowena (via shared Lucifer torture). Eileen now makes that very small list.

2. The other big factor that this episode made clear to point out textually was that this is not a Chuck manipulation. This really is Eileen, and her return from death is not part of Chuck’s story: 

SAM: “Rowena got it, she didn’t know the details but she knew the game was rigged so this. Magic. This is how she kept control.”

The reason I do not believe that Eileen is part of Chuck’s manipulations is this very pointed line right here about Rowena. Along with many other things in this episode that indicate that it isn’t guided by Chuck, Sam specifically clarifies that Rowena used magic to maintain control over her own universe.

Whilst I fully believe that Rowena will be coming back as Queen of Hell (because whatever happens to Heaven and Hell at the end, they will need balance, and someone to play caretaker and Rowena has just been set up for this role far too perfectly for me not to at least consider the option), this episode so beautifully respects and honours her character, to the point that Rowena, even in her absence, is able to control and play architect to all that happens. Rowena effectively is given Chuck’s role over this particular narrative, but instead of being framed as something villainous, it is portrayed as a precious gift that she has given to her protege Sam.

Rowena rigged the system for herself, as Sam textually explains. Her use of magic, was her way of escaping Chuck’s control, and it is through Rowena that Sam is also given this power. The power to bring back someone he loves - who was most likely taken from him by Chuck’s own dark and poorly written story (yes I do believe that Meredith was throwing shade at Buckleming in the deep subtext - pretty much all the other writers do this all the time if you pay close enough attention :P)

Rowena’s journey from villain, to reluctant ally, to friend and then finally to family, is one of the most beautiful and epic journey’s on the show (rivalled only by Castiel in my opinion). She remains one of my all time favourite characters, and her tribute in this episode, that even after death she could bestow such a precious gift to Sam, is one that I think will remain one of the more touching stories this show has given us. This is yet another reason why I believe that Sam and Eileen are endgame. Because it is a gift from Rowena, and I believe it is a gift that will be honoured by the writers.

3. It’s a small moment, but it is IMPORTANT. Sam confirms that he was teaching himself ASL after he met Eileen. In a moment of adorable flirtation Eileen beams at him and a bashful Sam smiles and bounces on the spot like a giddy schoolboy. This is yet another reveal of moments in the lives of the Winchesters that we just don’t see in 40 minute episodes. That it is canon that Sam spent hours of his life teaching himself ASL so he could more effectively communicate with Eileen is so precious. There is no way to argue how much she meant to him. 

But it isn’t just evidence of Sam’s affections, it proves to be a useful tool to the hunt in this episode as well. When Sam is unable to speak due to the witches curse, he is instead able to sign “My brother” to Eileen so that she knows to go and get Dean. It is Sam’s knowledge of sign language, which he learned due to his affection and interest in Eileen, that saves his life in this episode. 

One point that I HAVE to mention here is how the writers gave so much thought to their depiction of Eileen as a deaf person, and how wonderful her return is as representation for deaf and hard of hearing people everywhere. In both this episode, and also in her first episode 11x11, her disability was not treated as a set back, but as a tool that enables her to get ahead. The only time the writing displayed an insulting and frankly ableist light was Bucklemings 12x21 which isn’t really surprising. We expect such things from Buckleming. The other writers have proven how much more compassionate and caring they are.

The idea that Sam Winchester could end up falling in love with a beautiful, deaf woman in Eileen is practically unheard of in TV media. When do the protagonists ever end up with anyone less than “TV perfect”? It is groundbreaking that Supernatural in it’s 15 seasons has grown so much and come so far. That it started with the fridging of two women, that it’s cast remained predominantly white men throughout its entire run, that it was blackened by excessive misogyny in its early days, as well as ableism via the treatment of Bobby Singer’s paralysis in season 5. 

Supernatural has faced heavy criticism throughout it’s run, but it seems like the writers have listened and are learning. By allowing Sam and Eileen to have a happy endgame, they are doing a wonderful service in truly putting this show on the map for progression and representation - They just need to make sure that they follow through on that other big important thing too…

4. Rebirth and new beginnings. I am reminded of 13x05 and the brilliant Steppenwolf song “It’s Never Too Late To Start Again” as I rewatch the bathroom scene for the hundredth time. If the rest of the episode hasn’t already had you crying out how desperately these two should be together I fully believe it was Meredith’s plan (along with the entire production crew and Shoshannah and Jared), to have us all bawling our eyes out in happy tears that Sam and Eileen get to be together now!! (well, I certainly cried. A lot. and ruined my mascara. and squeaked at such a high pitch only dogs could hear me. The only other time I have had that reaction was in 13x05… oh, and 12x19. It’s RARE okay!)

I think the most significant point here is the touching of hands, which calls back to an earlier painful moment in the episode when ghost Eileen reached out to try to comfort Sam as he despaired about being a cosmic joke, and found she wasn’t even able to touch him. 

It is a romantic trope that was most famously used in the film Ghost, where touch was a big part of the on screen relationship. Supernatural displays this same trope rather perfectly here when the big win of the episode takes place, and Eileen emerges from the bathtub alive and whole, and tentatively reaches out to take Sam’s hand again with vastly different results.

(x)

Sam is so hesitant to touch her back, so fearful that this isn’t real, that he isn’t being allowed this. The overwhelming sense of relief and warmth that radiates from him when he finally does take her hand was exactly what made me burst into tears. The moment is so extremely breathtaking, so intimate and touching that your heart just aches for them to have that happy ending. It’s rare that Supernatural gives us moments like this, but when it does give them, when it allows its characters a win, they are immediately memorable and stand out as bright spots in an otherwise dark show. It’s moments like this that make watching these characters suffer so much worth it in the end.

The hug that comes after the touching of hands is just as intimate. This is portrayed as a lifeline. Something for Sam to grasp onto and breath. Something that inspires him to change his outlook, to gather his determination, and to convince his brother to join him and fight for the happy ending that both of these boys so desperately deserve.

(x)

The entire bathroom scene was a testament to how well Supernatural can work romance into its narrative. How these talented creators can easily provide us with a romantic scene to tug on our heart strings. Anyone screaming that romance doesn’t belong in this show I will now point at this scene and tell them exactly how wrong they are. This scene is EXACTLY what this show needed. 

For anyone denying the romance here (yeah funny how the bronly’s are so anti Saileen - I wonder why...) I’ll spell it out for them:

This is how you set up a romantic scene in TV Production:

1. Candlelight. Check.

2. Soft focus (dates back to the 1930s when films would use soft focus to portray the dreamy emotional uplift of happy couples in love - see Meet Me In Saint Louis for a very clear example). It is almost always considered a filming technique to portray romance. Check.

3. Chivalry. As if any of us didn’t expect Sam to be a perfect gentleman! But the fact is that the way he turns his back and waits with bated breath to see if the spell had worked is shown as anything other than platonic. He is almost shy, knowing that if and when she emerges from the water she will be naked, but he turns to preserve her dignity. Check.

4. Leading on from that, this is literally a naked woman emerging from a bathtub whilst Sam awkwardly stands in the room. It could have been highly sexualised. They could have used that god awful 70s porno music they like so much in this show. Sam could have made a joke to dispel the tension. If this was a platonic friendship, any of these things would have given it away. The fact that none of this happened, that the scene remained tense and intimate but not overly sexualised only further validates the romantic reading. I mean LOOK AT THIS:

CHECK

5. The music. Music is such an important part in any story. It always plays a vital role in signifying the correct atmosphere, and the correct tone of a scene. We talk about music a lot in relation to Dean and Cas and the sweeping melodic notes that usually compliment any heightened emotional DeanCas scene. The music during THIS scene though? Well it was beautifully romantic in every way. If in doubt, just go back and listen to it with your eyes closed. Play this music track over another random scene of two people sharing a moment, and it will make the scene read as romantic. I guarantee it. 

CHECK AND MATE.

Overall, this episode was the most romantic and most intimate Sam and Eileen have ever got yet in canon. It is a clear indication that their relationship is heading in a positive direction. I couldn’t be happier with how the writers are portraying this and am jumping for joy at the thought that Sam might actually get what he desired all those years ago during 11x04 when he tried to bring up the topic to Dean in the Impala.

We know from promo photos, that Eileen is still staying with Sam in 15x07. That she comforts him. With images like this to go on:

I’d say with some confidence that we will get to further watch their relationship grow, and I couldn’t be more excited for it.

I fully expect there to be darker moments coming up, and potentially Eileen will be sent away for a period of time (my money is on Chuck “dusting” her the way he did with Becky in 15x04 because I don’t believe that kills people and I do believe that they can be brought back from wherever he sends them too - plus “dusting” makes me think of Avengers Endgame which I find amusing because the “dusted” all returned at the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if Supernatural played around with that as it so often likes to play with pop culture references). I think that post Mid Season Finale we will be back to a period of utter loss and despair for the Winchester boys, and that therefore those who they feel strongly for (aka Cas and Eileen) will have to be separated from them.

However, the point is that it is always darkest before the dawn. In this story, 15x06 has laid the groundwork for Eileen to be Sam’s romantic endgame. It’s now up to Sam, and Eileen, to make sure they fight to get what they both so desire.

Bring on the finale show.

(If you liked this meta run through of Sam and Eileen’s building relationship, please leave a comment for me. It took forever to complete! Also, please click the links under the gifs and go give the gifmakers some love! The gifsets I have used are all wonderful and deserve your reblogs. (Gifs that don’t have links are my own)).

:)

[rachellevic]

As I sit here, thinking about the end of supernatural, reading all the beautiful tributes and articles, I feel a very great sense of loss. Not because I believe this is the end, the real end, that’s not possible with the Winchesters, but there is something much deeper going on and I can’t quite put it into words, so maybe that’s why I’m writing it down.

Maybe it’s a little bit selfish, maybe I’m just not ready to watch to ‘the end’. Rarely has a show done this to me, and believe me, I have a ‘brand’ of television that I get into. Confession, I only started watching supernatural because someone told me that Kim Manners was a producer on it and I was a huge, I MEAN HUGE, fan of the X-files, and I didn’t feel this way when that show ended. It was also several season in before I started watching supernatural because, truth be told, I very strongly dislike ‘vampires and werewolves’ stories and what media has done to lore and historical context; I’m looking at you Bram Stoker, you started this and opened the door to things like sparkles and Stockholm Syndrome and that’s not okay. But Supernatural had something that I had been missing in TV, in life, and I very quickly became a fan...thank you for fixing vampires and werewolves by the way.

I like endings. I like beginnings. I love the journey to get from beginning to end. Maybe I am feeling something more than a loss of a show, but a loss of a way of life, a path, the road...I don’t know. To be honest Supernatural is one of the last shows that I have tuned in to on the regular, week after week, to watch because the way we watch TV has changed. The way people experience a serial show has changed. I don’t know if Supernatural would have been what it was if it had found a life on a streaming service to begin with. But they didn’t exist, or were just in their infancy when supernatural started. What I will miss the most, I think is the episodes in between. Rarely do you find a show that can start a plot episode one and carry it over many season, reinventing itself, playing off its past and building a future. It has built such a future that regardless of how it end, whether they die or they live, they will always live, they will always live in the stories that we know and the stories that we will tell. Jared and Jensen will go on to do other things, as they had done other things before this, but they will always be Sam and Dean and whenever you see their faces, your first thought will be Sam and Dean. Like Anthony Hopkins will always be Dr. Hannibal Lector (so will Mads Mikkelsen, just saying) and Colin Firth will always be My Mr. Darcy. Misha, though an antagonist to us all, is literally an angel in real life. I said what I said, change my mind.

This thing we call Gish has it’s own life now, and will continue to do great things, but we are deeply bound to our Supernatural roots. Looking back on 15 seasons, the good the bad and the ugly, (*cough* Bugs *cough*), what would the show have been if it were a max of 9 or 12 episodes a season? I mean, honesty, if you are a fan of Lucifer, who has watched it on Fox and now on Netflix, it just isn’t ringing the same. It’s good, but there is something missing and I think what that is, is the passage of time. The episodes in between the big plots, the monsters of the week, and the goofy playful, ‘I killed Hitler’ And ‘Sam hit a dog’ moments. We know a milk run is never just a milk run, that life is big and bold and in your face, even though it seems a little slow right now, and that sometimes, staring a books and computers too long is going to force you out into the world to just look for some trouble. Supernatural has taught me a lot about life and what is out there in the world, the good, the bad, the people, this planet we live on and some of our fundamental flaws as humans. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but if we work at it, we can touch perfection. It’s the moments and the anticipations, it may also be the glimpses of joy when the world is crashing in around us.

It has been a long time, 15 seasons, 320 plus episodes, and yes it does feel like an end, but not for Supernatural, for the way we watched TV. I like a mini series as much as the next person but I don’t think you can do what supernatural did in a handful of episodes even if you can keep yourself going for as long. I don’t think a community like this will ever happen again in the same capacity because the interactions on episode night wont be the same if they just throw everything up onto a streaming service. We have been so lucky with this show and the cast’s willingness to interact with us as much as they do and recognize the power of the fandom as a force for good. Networks were always just looking for viewership, but seemed to forget that the viewers make or break a show and I feel like Supernatural found a way to take views and unite them, to appreciate the fans and see the power that people can have when hey get behind something. That wasn’t the networks doing, it was the cast, it was the fans, I think that is very obvious. So, maybe this is where my feeling come from, maybe I just don’t see how a show doing as well, doing so much good outside of the show, making money, bringing in viewers, being the longest running show of its kind, could just be cut off when there could have been so much more to be done...Do I blame the network for the fall of TV and that they are grasping at straws for an old way of viewership? Yes, yes I do. I believe that they see the streaming services have been a mighty blow to their structure, that it has made TV so much more accessible and frankly so much less annoying with no commercials, but what I think the streaming services of the world have wrong is the limited number of episode and the anticipation of a new episode week after week. Sure, I hate a hiatus as much as the next person, and when I want to watch 15 season of supernatural all in one shot, I do have the DVDs so F you Netflix for taking it down and putting it back up and taking it down again only to put it back up, I have the collection and I can watch it any time I want! But, where is my live viewing party, the gasps and shock you can literally hear over twitter. The standing and singing Carry On when you know it’s going to play. You don’t get that binge watching a show on Netflix...Supernatural is so much bigger than the money maker it was for the networks.

Truth be told, I’m kind of over TV. I rarely turn the thing on in the off season. I didn’t watch anything new this whole pandemic, but instead went back to the familiar, the comfortable. I marathoned all of the X-files in order from beginning to end with two movies, two event series, and cried over their Kim Manners tribute. (Word to the wise, it may not be the best show to watch in a pandemic with all it’s government conspiracies and alien viruses...but the 90’s fashion in the early seasons, and so many actors who we know and love from supernatural were just babies back then, and yes almost everyone is in it. Baby Crowley, Baby Lucifer, Baby Meg (First Meg not Second Meg...sorry Rachel!)) And when I was finished with The X-files I jumped right back into season one of Supernatural.

Supernatural has kept me coming back every week, and it’s been around for almost half of my life (do we even count the years you can’t remember?). I’m about as old as Sam, I was in university when I started watching supernatural but I’m also an older child and I grew up on my dad’s music, and he had a classic car that I remember but my brother doesn’t and my dad isn’t with us anymore (2012). I found so much to connect with in Supernatural, like I relate to Dean on a level that I can’t even explain; from having a little brother to pie is the superior celebratory dessert - also pie for breakfast is totally okay not because there is fruit in it but because I’m an adult and I’ll do what I want! Go team free will! Does that make me a Dean girl? I don’t think so, because You can’t have one without the other. This whole time, it has been about family, more specifically siblings. Dean isn’t Dean without Sam and Sam isn’t Sam without Dean. But yes I’m a Dean girl for other reasons.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, I doubt it, but supernatural hits the family feels, it came into my life at a time of transition, it was there when my dad died, and has been there for 15 years. Thinking back to the ‘where do you see yourself in 10 years’ question, and not being at all where I’d thought I’d be, there has been something very constant in the inconsistencies of the road so far. Remember back in season one when we didn’t even know demons were a thing and now our biggest issue is literally Chuck? What a metaphor for adult life. For dealing with this crazy world and society and all the weird that seems to be oozing out of the pours of humanity. We’ve grown with this show. I’m not going to say grown up, because I sure didn’t get any taller in 15 year, but I did evolve, and maybe in some ways I have also digressed, but we keep pressing forward because no one else is going to save my world but me.

Supernatural reminds me of so many part of my life. I saw so much of the X-Files in there, the show that formed my younger years, and was devastated when Kim Manners passed away. There was a familiarity in Supernatural. The idea of seeing Sam and Dean come back, in event series (like the x-files) gives me hope, because we know that death isn’t really death for the Winchesters, but there will be something very profoundly missing from the world going forward. Maybe it’s the last of the magic, something that I’m holding onto in my adult life from time before, the spark that has managed to light up a really strange time, and I don’t just mean 2020. Maybe its a Millennial thing, I am an elder Millennial, right on the edge of two generations and I’m not even 40 yet. I’ve lived in the 80s, 90s, 2000s, 10s and here were are almost through the first year of the 20s (its going to be a very different kind of roaring 20s but um...very similar. History repeating itself a little too literally at times)

I don’t think the Supernatural Family is going anywhere any time soon, I don’t feel like I’m losing that, but this is an end for us. Maybe it’s the end of one book and the beginning of the next. Maybe it’s now our time to carry the legend of the Winchesters forward. I can only hope that somewhere, somehow we’ll see the world expand, the characters lives on; this isn’t the end of the road, but I guess the road can only go so far. I don’t want it to be over. I feel the loss, the lump in my throat, the tears in my eyes that I am fighting back even though no one is going to see them. It’s all good. All good things come to an end, or do they? Regardless, we’ll always have Tuesdays.

Carry on, everyone. I hope that you’ll be okay. Sorry for the long rambling journal entry that didn’t actually come to any real conclusions...thanks John! (Oh yeah, my dad’s name was John too...)

#supernatural #SPNFamilyForever #theroadsofar #lastdaysofSPN #theend

[thevelvetseries]

Life’s Complicated (Part 1)

Overall Summary : When Bella Mikaelson was 17 she had a little baby girl. She went off to college and studied drama and music, while her parents looked after her daughter Camila Mikaelson. When she graduated she started auditioning for different movies and TV shows and ended up getting a role in the CW show Supernatural where she meets her new family.

Pairing : Alexander Calvert x Reader / Jared Padalecki x Reader (Platonic) / Jensen Ackles x Reader (Platonic) / Misha Collins x Reader (Platonic) / Genevieve Padalecki / Danneel Ackles

Warnings : Fluff, Angst, Smut, Semi Smut, Drinking

I decided to give the reader a name in this fic.

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

My name is Bella Mikaelson. I’m 25 years old living in New York, Lower Manhattan with my 8 year old daughter. I’ve lived here my entire life. I graduated from New York University Tisch School of the Arts where I spent my time studying drama and music, and also in my free time did some photography. Ever since I was a little kid all I wanted to do was perform, tell stories whether it was through acting, writing or singing a song. I did musicals all throughout high school, but during my senior year I became pregnant with my boyfriend at the time Caleb, we had been dating since sophomore year. Everything was perfect, my parents came around and supported me the same with Caleb and his parents. Sadly during my second year of Uni, he passed away in a car accident leaving me and leaving Camila fatherless, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have some good father figures. That’s when I started working harder on my studies and starting adding more hours to my job so I could make more money to make sure my daughter would have a good life growing up. During my last year of University I got a modelling job, it wasn’t anything big but it paid well. Around that time I also joined an acting agency started getting little jobs doing adverts, then getting small role in TV shows nothing big, just one liners. I had saved up a lot of money at this point and hired an manger to help me get auditions. Around 2 months later of going on auditions I get to audition for Eric Kripke for his show Supernatural. During season 14 they were looking for a new hunter who Sam and Dean come across on a hunt. Near the end of the season. So we sent in a video tape since I was nowhere near where auditions were being held. Then a few weeks later I get a call saying they wanted me to come to Vancouver and audition in person. Let’s just say I ended up getting the role and I have been living in Vancouver now for the past 4 months with my daughter Camila. My mum also came with us until I got enough money to be able to pay for a nanny to help me look after Camila while I was at work. I also spent a few weeks before filming bingeing the whole seasons from 1-13 since I hadn’t ever watched the show before.

We are currently working on the season 14 finale episode before wrapping up before head out for hiatus. My contract had already been signed as I was wanted back for season 15 as well. However, I was only staying for half the season, as they were killing my character off in the upcoming season. I was currently on set, just finished filming a scene with Jared and Jensen in baby. It was now lunch. We all headed over to catering to grab something, I ended getting a chicken salad and grabbed myself 2 bottles of water and headed to the little seating area outside where we all sat during lunch. We only had one more scene to film before we were finished for the day and would be wrapped for the season. During hiatus we had different cons we would attend to but we also had time to relax and I couldn’t wait for that, to spend loads of time with my girl and take her on a mini holiday, as we never really been on a real holiday before.

I was currently eating my salad when Jared and Jensen came over after getting their food and sat down opposite to me on the bench. We were talking about what we were doing on our time off before convention season starts which I was being invited to as the viewers really welcomed my character Toni with open arms. It was like over night my life changed. I was now financially stable for one thing, so I could make sure Camila was well looked after which was the most important thing to me.

“So Bella, What are you going to be doing during hiatus?” Jared asked while eating a chicken sandwich.

“Thinking about going home fore a little while, back to New York. Cami hasn’t seen my parents in a little while, I could tell she is missing them a lot like me. So going home for a bit to relax doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Then maybe take her on a little mini holiday, just the two of us. What about you guys” I say.

He nods “Yeah. We’re going to do pretty much the same. I like having my family around. I miss them too much” Jensen agreed with his statement.

Throughout the rest of our lunch break we continue talking about little small things and what was going to happen during con season. Once we had finished lunch we headed over got some retouches as we had just eaten and then we headed into the library set to finished our last scene for the season.

It was currently around 8pm, sine we started filming early this morning we gad enough time to get all the shots we needed and got to head home a little later than normal as while shooting the final scene Jared and Jensen kept trying to make everyone laugh but we got through it and got all the shots we needed. I was getting my belongings from my trailer and FaceTime Camila as it was getting close to her bedtime and I never liked not saying goodnight to her, even though I was leaving I just like to make sure. I could get in traffic and I would be annoyed with myself for not doing when I had the chance.

“So how was you day sweetie?” I ask.

“It was good. I finished all my math homework even though I found hard, but I figured it out” she said proudly.

I smile. She always made me smile. “Well that’s good. I’m proud of you, keep that up. Don’t give up and you can do anything sweetie. So what did you end up having for dinner tonight?”

“SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS” she screamed. I start laughing as I know that’s her favourite meal in the world.

“Ohhh. I’m jealous. Hehe. Well I’m gonna just about to leave work right now to come home ok. I’m going to try and get home in time baby, but if I don’t I’m gonna say goodnight now ok.”

“Ok mummy. Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too my sweet baby”

“Goodnight”

“Sweet dreams petal.” Then we end the call and I finished putting my things away in my bags when a knock comes from my trailer door. I call for the person to come in, when Jensen pops in with Jared following him.

“Hey Bella” Jensen said while leaning on the counter and Jared sat down on the sofa.

“Hey, What do you guys need?” I ask while putting my laptop into its case with its charger.

“We forgot to ask you this at lunch today, we are having a BQQ in a couple weeks. It’ll be our to families as well at the Collins. Alex is coming we just spoke with him, now we are asking you? You think you’ll be free Sunday before the Cons start?” Jensen said.

“Errmmm… let me check my calendar.” I say and get out my phone and opening up my calendar app. I had nothing planned. “Nope, looks like I free that weekend.”

“Great! You’re coming then. I’ll text you the address, it’ll be at my house. Bring Camila too. It’ll be nice to have all little ones around together.” Jared said.

“Yeah” I said with a smile. We said our goodbyes and they headed off while I collected my packed bags and headed to my car and leaving and heading back to my Vancouver home. If I rushed I would make it just in time before Camila had to be in bed.

Life’s Complicated Tag-List 

@myopiamystical @ms-reader @musiclovinchic93 @tvshowlover123 @scatchia @sixx-sic-sixx @imaginationisgrowth @hettolini @leftjensenackleshollywoodshoe @dolans-lover @alittlebittyuniverse @smoothdogsgirl @xostephanie @idksupernatural @imsuperawkward @notsoftstcn @hazelle-uvu @amywinchesterxx @easygoingtheatre @jack-kline-world @simonadii @uglycryinginthekitchen @c-ly-g @hellosweetdeath @clawsandshotguns @sarsmilesah @catieiscute2001 @midnight-archer03 @lidibug @101stshippersquad @maesflower @shadowhunter82 @alliedimlerr

[mittensmorgul]

Hello. Is there a chance that you know when the decision about Chuck beeing the villain of the entire show was made? And more specifically was season 9 written with this point of view?

Hi there! I’m sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days, but I’ve been turning it over and over in my head trying to figure out how to actually answer. Because I don’t think this is something that was like the writers just suddenly decided, and began plotting everything else in the story around that fact, you know? And while it might be interesting to puzzle over, it doesn’t affect how I personally engage with the show.

I’ve written many times about the difference between a Watsonian Reading of a text versus a Doylist Reading of a text, and why sometimes understanding the Doylist might inform the watsonian read you’re willing to accept, so I can understand the interest in wondering if there was a moment in the writing room where it was declared that Chuck Was Not A Good Guy, and that the entire story should be told with that underlying assumption. For me, personally, it’s been clear since 4.18 that Chuck was not really a good guy, long before it was revealed that he was really God.

Was this always the intent of the writers? We just don’t know. I don’t think it matters. He always came across to me (ESPECIALLY in 5.22) as a self-important dick... but I know a lot of people really love his monologue on everything, and have always had rather warm feelings about it. So was their intent to make him seem smugly self-satisfied from the start, or is that an angle that later showrunners and writers seized upon and played up? Does it even matter when the story has made it clear now that Chuck has been the villain of the entire show from the start?

I understand how my personal opinion from the start here has probably made it easier for me to roll with the more recent canon revelations about Chuck than it would be for folks who have always believed that Chuck was a Good Guy from the start, that God would ultimately be on their side, or that if God wasn’t actively helping them, it was only because he was testing them or having them prove themselves to themselves or whatever. I understand people have clung to the notion that he was essentially still a good guy, even through all the shadiness. I just... could never see him that way.

ESPECIALLY after s11. I don’t think Chuck’s characterization has really changed since then. It’s just been... unmasked for what it really is. I think everything Chuck The Prophet was saying back in 4.18 about being a cruel and capricious god was... pretty on the nose. Then again, I’m fairly sure that Andrew Dabb took over the showrunning duties in mid-s11, and began setting up what he knew would eventually become the series endgame run, with Chuck as the final big bad. So that run up to the end of s11... was Dabb’s doing...

I don’t really know how much Chuck’s character (his fictional being, in addition to just... his personality, like how we’d talk about the character of real people, the quality of his essential being or whatever) played a part in the writing from 5.22 when he “vanished” through 10.05 when he appeared to tell Marie “not bad” at the end of her musical, and then again from that point until he dragged Metatron to the bar at the end of the universe in 11.20. I’m fairly certain that as soon as they began writing s11 and determined that Amara would be “God’s sister” that they knew that Chuck would have to make an appearance eventually. And the entire storyline of the MoC having been derailed and repurposed in mid s10 likely facilitated the escalation of the story. But again... I’ve written heckloads of stuff about s10, the accordion plot, how Carver had been writing toward a series finale in 10 until they got word they’d be renewed and wanted to keep going, and jerked the whole story onto a completely different narrative track in the back half of s10. As a seasonal arc, s10 will forever be my least favorite, because it’s just... a mess. Yes, even s6 comes across more coherent than s10, just looking at the overarching narrative structure. Episode wise, s10 probably wins for a few stellar entries, but yeeeeeesh, it’s a structural disaster overall.

But I have a tag for that, and lots and lots of posts, and Carver himself saying that this was exactly what happened there, so... I think it’s probably valid to say that the writers really hadn’t even thought much about Chuck until the MoC became about the Darkness in 10.23, and then they had to invent a whole mythology to bring in this super-powerful God-level power to the story, and “God’s sister!” sounded like a solid plan...

So I’d say that Chuck was being set up at that point to have to answer for his “original crime” of locking up the Darkness, you know? Though I don’t know how much of how it played out by the end of s11 was Carver’s doing, or Dabb’s. I am fairly certain that from the moment Dabb took over (quietly mid-s11, and possibly knowing he’d be tapped to take over before then and beginning to lay down tracks toward his eventual story plan, and then completely by 11.23) that what we’re seeing play out in s15 was always his intent.

But in s9? I don’t think Chuck was really even on any of the writers’ radar, at all. Even if they all were working from the perspective that he was God in the Supernatural universe. I just don’t think it affected what they were writing, you know?

Well, I mean, there’s earlier episodes where God was referenced... I mean 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon (hey, written by Dabb!) where we learned that God knew all about their problems, but he didn’t think it was HIS problem... I mean from that moment on, it’s really difficult to think of God as a charcacter who’s on their side, you know? And the end of the story he’d been content with was Sam in Hell for eternity, and Dean miserable in suburbia for eternity, and Cas probably being subjugated by Heaven and the Apocalypse starting again anyway... I mean... ew...

Or in 6.20, when Cas prayed to God, begging for a sign, begging for help, to do the right thing, he got NOTHING in return, zip, zilch. He did the only thing he could, and in retrospect, wasn’t releasing the leviathans something Chuck was probably deliriously happy about? More monsters and mayhem! A beloved hero character becoming the villain in the process! I mean, in s9 when Metatron was “Playing God” and trying to write his own story of the universe, isn’t this exactly the story he wanted to create too? Kinda on the nose there, even if they weren’t actively portraying Chuck himself as the bad guy here. They were explicitly telling us that Metatron was literally rewriting God’s playbook as self-insert fanfic.

So even if they weren’t actively writing Chuck as the big bad, they used Metatron-- the scribe of God-- to fulfill that function. In 11.20, when Chuck talks with Metatron about his turn playing God:

CHUCK: You know, you really are a terrific editor, Metatron.METATRON: (Chuckles.) Well, I was a terrible writer. A worse god. It's good I've got something going for me.CHUCK: (Takes off his glasses and stops typing.) Yeah, you know, I have to say, I didn't see the whole evil-turn thing coming.METATRON: Mm-hmm.

CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Why did you try to be me?METATRON: That was just a sad, pathetic cry for attention.CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Who's attention were you trying to get?METATRON: Yours.

He takes all of this and tries to turn it around, to deflect blame from himself as if he hadn’t literally done everything Metatron did, and more.

METATRON: It wasn't just the saps who were praying to you. The angels prayed, too. And so did I – every day.CHUCK: I know.METATRON: You want to sell the best-selling autobiography of all time? You explain to me – Tell me why you abandoned me. Us.CHUCK: Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me.METATRON: (Stands up and looks at CHUCK with wet eyes.) No, look. I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.(CHUCK starts to look more guilty as he looks at METATRON.)METATRON: Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal and... destroy and disappoint. But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love. And above all, they never give up! But, you do!

But even after Metatron’s sacrifice, even after everything nearly falls apart, Chuck STILL tries to weasel out of responsibility for anything, still tries to deflect and minimize, even blames Amara for why he had to lock her away in the first place. And that hasn’t changed about him one whit, from the start right through the present. It’s always been an essential part of his character, and he’s been called out on it repeatedly in s15 by Becky, by Amara, by Sam, by Dean... probably by Michael, too. Like... this is how he’s always been, it’s how he’s always been written, even if the intent had never been to explicitly unmask him as the ultimate big bad of the entire series until the end of s11.

Like Amara accused him in 11.22:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything.Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed in that cage... alone... and afraid, wishing -- begging for death, because of you! And what was my crime, brother?!Chuck: The world needed to be born! And you wouldn't let me! Amara, you give me no choice.Amara: That's your story. Not mine. The real reason you banished me, why I couldn't be allowed to exist... you couldn't stand it. No, we were equals. We weren't great or powerful, because we stood only in relation to each other. You think you made the archangels to bring light? No. You made them to create lesser beings, to make you large, to make you Lord. It was ego! You wanted to be big!

and he admitted to Becky in 15.04:

CHUCK: Things were said. Uh… Now I’ve found msyself low on, um… resources. I went to ask my sister for help, and she rejected me. ‘Cause she sucks. And now I’m just… stuck. So, I thought I’d come see you, my number-one fan. And, I don’t know, see if you can help make me feel big again.BECKY: So, you want me to… fluff you?CHUCK: I mean, no.BECKY: You do. You thought you could just come back to me, your pathetic ex, your number-one fan, and get what you’ve always gotten from me… a nice big crank on your ego.

Meanwhile, in 11.22, Amara had asked him if he wouldn’t change, why should she? Yet... she DID change, beginning in 11.23 when she reconciled with Chuck. Only... he never did change at all.

So... to finally circle back to your question again... I don’t know if it’s relevant what the writers were thinking about Chuck and any random potential for him to return to the story in any capacity, let alone as God, let alone as the eventual Ultimate Series Big Bad back when they were writing s9. I don’t even think God/Chuck was on their radar at all, because I don’t think the entire MoC storyline was crafted with the end result that it would be the key to the Darkness’s prison. At least not way back in s9 when the MoC was dreamed up. It only ever evolved into that because of the narrative disaster of the s10 plot accordion. Which is why, while I fucking HATE s10 for it, I can’t be all that mad about what it unwittingly brought about, either.

Heck I hope any of this makes any sense whatsoever. This is one of those subjects that’s just like “insert key, wind mittens up, watch her go” :’D

[tippitv]

RECAP: Supernatural 15.03 “The Rupture”

Watching episode three and I finally understand the warding logistics better now. Note that just because I understand it better doesn’t mean I think it makes any kind of sense.

So it seems the “mile wide salt circle” encompasses both the town and the cemetery. Like the entire town and entire cemetery and the space in between them is somehow less than a mile wide as seen in the shitty map I made in MS paint last week.  

This is poppycock of course. It’s also bizarre that somehow all these demons and ghosts didn’t manage to spread any further out than that in the hours in took the Winchesters et al to evacuate the town and for Belphegor to perform the spell.

I’m so distracted by this that it’s hard for me to suspend my disbelief.

Rowena tries to reinforce the warding but there are too many ghosts attacking it. More ghosts keep spewing out of the ground. I think it’s weird that Hell is an actual physical place somewhere under the Earth’s crust while Heaven seems to be some kind of otherworldly dimension that looks like an Apple store.

Rowena’s feeling very defeated. Ruth Connell is doing a much better job than the crummy ghosts we've seen so far would seem to warrant. Her acting makes them seem scary and the situation desperate, whereas the writing for the actual ghost characters is...meh. Dean wants to go fight the ghosts but like… there’s really nothing to be done. Shooting them with iron or rock salt only works for a few minutes at most. To make any dent, you'd need all the salt in the Hannibal fandom after NBC canceled it. Shout out to my Fannibals!

I still think somebody needs to be thinking about contacting Billie. Reapers take souls to their great reward or their eternal punishment, I feel like they’d have some useful input. Plus I just want to see Billie again because Lisa Berry is dreamy.

Also Belphegor is such a weaselly jerk about the whole thing. I won't miss that guy. He's the Martin Shkrelli of demons. Shout out to everyone who hates jacked up pharmaceutical prices!

Sam says they're out of ideas. That's because y'all haven't sat around reading books out loud to each other for half an episode! 

Jack mentions something called "Lilith's Crook." Ah, Martin Shkrelli again. He has to explain it's that curved stick thing shepherds use while everyone is being ignorant. "Thing's actually more of a horn," he says. She designed it to control demons on Earth while she was in Hell. You'd think that kind of thing would've come up when Lilith was topside but no! Also there really should've been a call back to that. "You know Lilith... you killed her to let Lucifer out?" That kind of thing.

They work out a plan for Belph to summon the demons and ghosts back to Hell and the Rowena can heal the big spewing fistula in the earth. She wants Sam to assist her, which makes me

Dean coolly volunteers Castiel to accompany Belph. "You've been to Hell before." Cas should've been like, "Yeah to grip your ass tight and raise it from Perdition!" Also how's he supposed to get out again?

Aw jeez here's Ketch in his hospital room. I hope the only reason he's in this episode is to die. The nurse doesn't want to clear him for discharge so a pretty doctor walks in and kills her with a telekinetic neck snap. And that's why we have a nursing shortage in this country! Oh the doctor is Ardat, the demon who hired Ketch to kill Belph.

Fisticuffs ensue even though she could just pin him in place with demonic power. When he refuses to give up the Winchesters, she rips out his heart and shows it to him. He Pikachu faces at her.

I mean, did she really need to ask him? Wouldn't the most likely place be the mile-wide anti-ghost dome? She texts Dean pretending to be Ketch.

Belphegor goads Castiel about his friends sacrificing him, so Cas pushes him down into the ghost fistula. Lol. It doesn't shut him up for long, though. As they wander around Hell, Belph continues to sow the seeds of doubt. Anyway, opening the chest that contains the Doohickey of the Week requires Castiel to sing an Enochian song of praise, but we cut away on the third note. BOO.

Also, having now met Lucifer the whiny petulant manbaby, it's really hard to understand why Lilith or anyone would be so devout for so long. Maybe it's because he was locked in the cage so they didn't actually experience a lot of his pouting. It's all I can think of.

Before Castiel can hand over the Doohickey, Ardat knocks him out of the way. She looks like Joanna Gaines. Maybe she IS Joanna Gaines!

Castiel and Ardat fight. She tries to warn him about Belphegor, but he pops up behind her and kills her with Cas's fallen angel blade. Now we'll never know what she was gonna say! I bet he ends up just blabbing it out himself in the time-honored tradition of villains talking too much.

Indeed, he goes on about how the crook/horn is actually a leash/siphon. This thing is the Swiss Army knife of Doohickeys. He's going to blow the horn and suck all the demons and ghosts into himself to gain their powers. "I'll be a god!"

So while Belph is blowing and sucking, Sam and Rowena and Dean are dirtside working the spell. Ghosts are zooming back down the hole like the Indiana Jones Ark of the Covenant scene in reverse. Castiel tackles Belph and punches him in the face a lot which seems like the equivalent of flicking a dandelion at a law mower to stop it.

Improbably, it hurts jazzed-up Belphegor enough that he pretends to be Jack again to get Cas to stop beating him. Castiel screws up all his angel power and somehow kills him even though there's a buttload of evil spirits in him. Jack's empty body burns like a Thanksgiving turkey left on broil all day.

The ground starts sealing up but something's wrong. Rowena uses a knife to gouge out a "resurrection sachet" she's been keeping buried under her skin. It's why she came back after Lucifer killed her, if you'll recall. It takes Sam a minute to catch on that she intends to sacrifice herself in one final spell. He has to be the one to kill her because prophecy and she can't bring herself to to it for a lot of good reasons.

Now, I don't understand here. She says she's going to absorb all the demons and ghosts, throw herself into Hell, and they'll be trapped. But... didn't Belphegor absorb them? Or a lot of them? I hate that Ruth is doing such a great job and this just feels like forced drama.

Speaking of forced drama. Castiel returns to the surface and tells Dean he killed Belphegor. This could be cleared up with a five second explanation but he makes a lot of pained faces while Dean berates him for ruining their one chance. Forced drama.

Sam reluctantly stabs her in the lower belly... you know, in the uterus area... and she becomes a vessel... with her uterus absorbing all the evil...

"Goodbye boys," she says as she Last of the Mohicans throws herself into the abyss.

Well, it's better than Charlie's death but I still don't like it.

All the surviving team members return to the bunker for the denouement. Sam is taking things pretty hard, which is to be expected, so Dean goes to check on him. "God threw one last apocalypse at us and we beat it," he says to baby bro. Oh honey.

Anyway we're all pretty sure Rowena's going to be running Hell now, right? RIGHT??

Now we come to the part where Dean and Castiel act out a bad soap opera scene. It's just a thin reason to get them to break up for a while. Maybe in the final season they couldn't work Misha into the budget for every episode or maybe the writers couldn't think of more for Castiel to do. So he's gotta go off and it couldn't just be because "you know my surrogate son just died and I need time." 

No it's gotta be all "you always screw up our plans!" and "you don't trust me!" and "are you hearing that romantically sad cello music or is it just me?" and "it's not just you but now I must leave GOOD BYE!"

Onward and upward, readers! Stay tuned for the next recap.

In the meantime, please reblog if you enjoyed this recap and drop by my Ko-Fi tip Jar if you're able. Henry Hound and I are perpetually trying to make ends meet and appreciate your help!

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[sortasirius]

"The Future” cleared my skin, watered my crops, and added ten years to my life.

You guys.  If you had told me six years ago when I started watching Supernatural that we were going to get to this point, I wouldn’t have believed you.  First and most importantly, I think this episode takes us out of “what if Dean and Cas were pining for each other” and places us pretty firmly in the camp of “they ARE pining for each other, but will they wake up and see it??”

Also shoutout to this writing team.  Man do we have some incredible writers (I’m lookin at you, Dabb, Perez, Yockey, Glynn,and Berens).

Now, I could tell that my boi Dean was getting a little ~angsty~ about the fact that Cas wasn’t calling him back, so I was a little surprised that Cas just kinda swags into the bunker like nothing’s happened.  And, of course, my sweet baby angel Sam is like “yay welcome back Cas!” and angst ridden married man Dean is like??????  U didn’t call me back?????????

As someone who is extremely dramatic™, I highkey relate to Dean, because even though I take three days to respond to texts, doesn’t mean anyone else is allowed to.

So, Dean does what any respectable drama queen would do, and he stomps off to his room (and we’ve all done this in hopes that the person we’re mad at will come talk to us.)

And of course, Cas does, and I really thought it was going to be a one and done kind of “I don’t want to get into emotional honesty with you, Cas so I’ll say it’s okay and then just ignore it.” But my homies Glynn and Berens are not playin around.

*John Mulaney voice* Whoa what the fuck is this?????

This is like........literally unbelievable. 

It shows us two things.  First, and most obviously, Dean made Cas a mixtape.  Now, we can unpack the importance of music and romance all day, but I think it’s especially important to Dean.  Hell, when Dean first meets Jo he starts singing the song she played on the jukebox in the car.  Music is so important to Dean, and the fact that he was share something like this with Cas?  Also just how important Zeppelin is to Dean.  We know from season 5 that his favorite song is “Ramble On,” but he probably agonized over what these tracks were.  And the fact that it’s on a cassette tape?  I don’t really feel like it needs explaining how this means he feels about Cas.

Secondly, it means that there’s tons of shit that goes on offscreen between the characters.  At some unknown point, Dean gave Cas this mixtape.  What did he say?  Surely they were alone when he gave it to him, I feel like its a little too girly for Dean to give to Cas in front of Sam.  How did Cas respond?  What was the m o m e n t like writers, tell me!!!

Bruh.  Even when Dean is pissed as hell at Cas, he’s not going to take back this gift that he gave him.  I’m weak.

Also, Cas is extremely relatable by trying to give back something that clearly means so much to Dean to get Dean to talk to him.  Who among us has not done the same???

Look at this s h o t.  They’re almost touching but they’re not but you can kinda tell they want to??  Am I watching a fanfic unfold in front of my eyes???

The emotional honesty is s t a g g e r i n g.

?????????  Long gone are the days where everyone says everything’s fine and moves on.  Gone are the days of “no chick flick moments.” These boys will be honest with each other, chick flick moments be damned!!

This is literally out of a fic.  I’m convinced I have read this in a fic.  The writers are writing in fic tropes in CANON.

I’m YELLING.  This is fanfic come to life.  You can’t convince me otherwise.

The way Cas looks down as he says it??  How close they’re standing to each other??  The way Dean writes it all off by saying he needs a beer???

Seriously though, this writing team has changed the landscape of the show, especially in regards to Dean and Cas’ relationship.  And I’m not saying that in a hyperbolic way.  This is a different show from season 8, a different show from season 11, even.  To me, it’s less about a “oooo will the writers lead everyone on with a Dean/Cas moment??” and much more about the honesty that Dean and Cas are sharing.  We’re past the whole Cas is just useful to Dean because he’s an angel, the writers are focusing on their relationship because it’s important, and I think that’s the beautiful thing that comes out of hiring queer/queer positive writers and letting them tell their stories.  I feel like, since Dabb took over and could bring his team of writers on, moments like this feel so organic and natural.  This doesn’t feel forced, it doesn’t feel like fanservice.  It feels like Dean and Cas, like a tiny little glimpse into their lives, how they relate and talk to each other.

The mixtape scene (as it shall be known here) is quiet, simply shot, and beautifully written.  It shows the honesty of two people who care more deeply about each other than almost anyone else, and the fumbling, awkward way they try to navigate these feelings.

I love this scene, it may be my favorite in the entire show.