#i know someone with a heart condition whose dad died young and he had the same condition so she's been living a wild life to make up for it

[jdorian]

i wonder if all of us have a significant age.. you know like the age people in your family die or get sick or start new lives and now you're nervous about reaching that age

[taggingtim]

Why I love Pre-Boot Tim Drake and why the Reboot has ruined him

I love Tim Drake.  He is my favorite comic book character of all time.  I’ve been really upset the past few days about what DC has been doing with him lately, and I thought it would be cathartic for me to write something up about it.  (No, this isn’t a rant about Tim being bi/gay; it’s a much larger problem than that. But I’ll get to that in a bit.) Bear with me for a bit of history, first.

When I was a kid I loved the Batman Animated Series.  I know this will lose me a lot of internet cred, but I always preferred the fourth season. In particular, I loved Tim Drake. He was fun and funny and I absolutely adored him.  I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall so I could buy issues of Gotham Adventures. For my birthday one year my parents got me a subscription to the comic, and I was blown away by the idea that I could have comics MAILED to my HOUSE.

Around middle school I started collecting Marvel comics, mostly X-men stuff.  I loved them, but when I started college I quit the hobby for financial reasons.

 Fast forward a few years, and I felt I was financially stable enough to start buying comics again. Rather than going back to Marvel, I decided to give Batman comics a chance.  I had no idea where to start, and when I found out my beloved Tim had his own comic series, I thought it was a perfect entry point into the Batman universe. I bought the complete series from a local comic shop and dove in.

 Tim’s Robin series was exactly what I was looking for in a comic.  He was very different from little Timmy Todd from BtAS, but I loved him. I built the rest of my comic collection around him, grabbing up every book that he was featured in, from Young Justice to Teen Titans to Batman, Detective Comics, Nightwing, Red Robin, and many others.  I have random books from series like The Demon just because Tim was in them.

 So why did I like Tim so much?  What about this character made me so excited for more?  I found in Tim something that I had never seen in a comic book before: character growth.  Somehow, though he was written by many different authors over many different years, Tim managed to have a character arc that is consistent and makes sense. Sure, there were a few small bumps along the way, but on the whole Tim has always stayed true to his character, and he’s developed in a way that the big name characters, like Batman, never can.

 When we’re first introduced to Tim, he’s a young teen who has been neglected by his parents growing up. He’s smart, healthy, and strong, but he lacks so much self confidence and has little sense of self worth.  Tim notices Bruce’s increasing violence as he grieves for the loss of his son, and Tim knows he needs to step in and help.  Batman needs a Robin.

 For most characters, this would be the part where Tim put himself forward for the job.  But he doesn’t.  He seeks out Dick Grayson and begs him to come home instead.  It’s only when Batman and Nightwing are in danger and there is literally no one else to help that Tim steps up and dons the cape. And once he does, he’s constantly plagued by self-doubt, terrified he will screw up and leave Batman worse than ever before.

 From there, Tim undergoes intense training.  He never begs to be in the spotlight, doesn’t push to go out on the streets before he’s ready.  His goal is to help Bruce as much as possible.

 Here’s where I started to fall in love with him.  All that self-doubt, the constant need to be useful?  That’s exactly what you would expect to see from a child whose parents had ignored and neglected him.  He finally has a parental figure who sees him, who values him, and Tim does everything he can to make himself worthy in the hopes that Bruce will keep him around.

 This is the first example of character consistency that we see with Tim.  And it continues.  When his mom dies and his dad is put in a coma, you see Tim struggle to come to terms with losing the people he loves, but never had a relationship with.  Tim almost never mentions his mom after her death, because she just wasn’t present in his life.  When his dad recovers and decides to stick around, Tim struggles to build a relationship with him.  He’s plagued with guilt because he’s finally found the father figure he needed in Bruce, but he thinks that he’s supposed to feel that way for Jack.  It’s a running undercurrent in their relationship that creates distance between them for years.

 This is already so long, so I’m going to try to summarize a bit more.  We get to watch Tim grow up.  We see his awkward relationship with his first girlfriend, Ariana.  He doesn’t know how to treat her; he’s never had the opportunity to observe a healthy relationship.  But he tries so, so hard.  All of Tim’s relationships are awkward, because he’s never had a model of a good one. Steph is a great match for him, because she’s very vocal about what she wants and needs, and she isn’t afraid to call Tim out when he messes up, which is exactly what Tim needs.

 Big things happen to Tim. He’s stuck with Jean-Paul Valley, who slowly goes insane, leaving Tim to try to keep the city in one piece.  He’s infected with the Clench, a plague that sweeps over Gotham and kills everyone it touches, and barely escapes with his life. His girlfriend is sexually assaulted, leaving him to deal with the fallout.  His family moves out of Gotham, and he has to sneak back in during No Man’s Land to help.  His relationship with his dad has intense ups and downs, resulting in him being sent to boarding school, punished in a variety of ways, and generally caused a lot of trouble in his life.

 Then people start dying. Over the course of about a year in his life, Tim loses his girlfriend, his dad, a close friend, and his best friend, each of whom dies under tragic conditions.  Tim’s grief is intense, and he is understandably traumatized by the losses. We see fundamental changes in his character.  He changes his costume from something bright and cheerful to something darker that reflects his emotional state.  He’s more subdued, his adventures a little more serious.

 When Bruce first tries to adopt him, Tim literally creates an uncle and hires an actor to play him, just to avoid dealing with the situation.  Bruce has viewed Tim as a son for years, so to him the adoption is an obvious step.  For Tim, it feels like a betrayal of his father, and it takes a while before he’s ready to accept Bruce’s love, home, and a place in his family.  

 When Damian shows up on the scene, Tim really struggles with him, and not just because early Damian is a horrid brat who tries to kill Tim on multiple occasions.  Tim has always felt the need to earn his place with Bruce, and Damian constantly throws all of Tim’s biggest fears in his face—he’s not wanted or needed now that the “real” son is here, he’s not worthy of a place in the family, he’s not good enough.

 Tim tries to clone Conner, his best friend.  He’s lost so many people, and he’s desperate to get them back.  Conner was cloned to begin with and fully matured over a very short period of time; the technology clearly exists, so why can’t Tim use it to get his best friend back?  And if he can get Conner back, why not the others he’s lost?  He eventually gives up, but when he eventually gets access to a Lazarus Pit, he immediately wants to incorporate the waters into his process so he can revive his loved ones.  With Dick’s help, Tim eventually decides to let it go, but it’s such a poignant moment for the character.

 Then Bruce dies, and Dick takes Robin away.  Tim switches to the Red Robin persona as he travels the world, alone, trying to prove that he was right.  He has to deal with the trauma of losing another father, finds out that his girlfriend never died but let him hurt so much for so long.  His brother and the only close friend he has left both think his grief has overwhelmed his sense and that he’s gone crazy.  He’s utterly alone.

 The Red Robin series is such a great culmination for Tim.  He finds a place for himself as a hero, as a CEO.  He gets parts of his family back—Bruce, Steph, Bart, Conner.  He finally figures out who he wants to be and creates a place for himself.

 This overarching character development is what I love about Tim.  His many, many traumas impact his decisions, and you can clearly see how he changes over time as a result of them.  I didn’t even go into his development as a leader from his early fumbling with Young Justice to his strong leadership of the Teen Titans, or how his relationships with Conner, Bart, and Cassie develop so fluidly and realistically over the years.

 This is why I love Tim. Characters like Batman are static; nothing that happens to them will ever have a lasting impact, because in the end the character always returns to what they were.  Tim, on the other hand, has changed and developed A LOT since his initial appearance.  His growth has always been consistent and logical.

 When the reboot happened, all of that character growth was lost.  Tim was replaced with a jerk who betrayed his friends and cheated on his girlfriend.  DC has basically retconned all of this and tried to turn Tim back into who he was, but by taking away all of the things that have happened to him over the years, Tim has lost SO MUCH.

 I keep looking for my Tim in recent comics, and I just can’t find him.  It breaks my heart, because I love him so much, and it feels like he’s lost to me forever.  The most recent Young Justice comic series actually gave me hope; I felt like maybe, finally, someone was going to write Tim correctly.  He had his primary friendships back, his relationship with Steph was developing (even if they seem to have completely dropped all the development around Steph’s decision to let Tim think she was dead).  The actual book itself wasn’t fantastic, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.

 Over the last few days, I read the Batman: Urban Legends books.  I actually read the Batman/Red Hood story first, which was fantastic.  I was really excited to read Tim’s story (though I already knew how it ended).  Jason’s character was handled so well, and he seemed to actually have some character development that will hopefully last.  I anticipated the same for Tim.

 But Tim’s story was awful. The plot was all over the place—kids are being kidnapped, so Tim has to join a pain cult to get them back?  He’s somehow helping Oracle with computer issues while simultaneously questioning witnesses?  He’s broken up with Steph, off camera, shortly after telling her how much he loves her, but Steph somehow thinks that they should have a caring relationship where Tim tells her what he’s feeling?  Bernard has somehow become a good enough fighter to stand side by side with Robin?  Tim STILL doesn’t have a code name?  Why is everyone suddenly hounding him about what he wants to do with his life?

 It’s just such a mess of a story.  If it didn’t end with Tim agreeing to go on a date with Bernard, no one would ever have even mentioned it.  There’s nothing particularly re-readable or enjoyable about it.

 I actually liked that they brought Bernard back. I really enjoyed him in the original Robin series. It’s been a while since I read that part of the series (I’m actually working my way back through it now).  I know Bernard always read as gay to me, yet somehow I felt like he was out of character in these books.

 And then, the climax of the story.  Tim is bi, or gay, or has at least agreed to go on a date with a boy.

 If this had happened in the pre-boot, when Tim was Red Robin and had an actual character arc, I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with it.  I do think it would have needed a LOT more build up than it was given here.  Tim has always been a very introspective character, and we’ve been party to so much of his internal monologue over the years.  It seems very strange to me that such a huge thing just sneaks up on him out of nowhere when he’s never even thought about it before.

 But more than that, this story just feels like the final death blow for the Tim I loved.  The whole arc is about how Tim doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be.  What will his hero name be?  Will he go to college?  What is he going to do with his life?  These are all great questions, and his answer to all of them is… date a boy?  

 Is this going to be his defining characteristic going forward?  From here will we just see Tim exploring and discovering his sexuality?  The Tim we have now doesn’t have a family, a team, a purpose, or even a code name.  Why was this the thing that DC decided to give us?  It feels like they wanted to make a gay Robin and decided it would be Tim because they didn’t know what else to do with him.

 It’s stupid, but I honestly feel like I’ve spent the past few days grieving the loss of a loved one. The Tim that DC is presenting now is just not the person that I knew.  Tim would never break up with Steph that abruptly for what he admits is no apparent reason.  He would never say “just call me Robin, since Damian’s out of town.”  Everything that I love about Tim seems to be gone, and in its place DC has given me a date with a boy.  

 Again, it’s not Tim being not-straight that I have an issue with.  I’ve never read the character that way, but it’s something I can live with. My issue is the way it was handled. Why not make Tim an actual person first, and then explore his sexuality?  Send him off to college!  He’s obviously thinking about it!  It’s the perfect opportunity to give him his own book.  He can move to a different city, choose a new name, and DC can introduce a whole new set of characters.  Figure out which parts of Tim’s backstory are still canon, and which have been dropped. Make him a person again, and then let him explore his sexuality.

 I know this post is all over the place, and I don’t have time right now to go back and edit it.  I just really needed an outlet for my frustration.  Right now it feels like there are so many people who are so excited about Tim being bi/gay, but they don’t know anything else about him.  I keep seeing people comment how DC has been “dropping hints for years!” with no evidence other than “he and Superboy were really close!”  I guess I’d just really like to have some dialogue with other people who are fans of Tim, rather than fans of Tim-as-bi/gay or fans of Tim-as-straight.

 Does anyone else feel this way?  I’d honestly like to have a dialogue about it with other long time fans.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,495 Words

Summary: The USJ training doesn’t go as planned.

Warnings: Fighting Mention, Injury Mention, Blood Mention, Near Death Mention, Death Mention, Weapon Mention, Stabbing Mention, Gun Mention, Shooting Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 3

A normal training exercise day is gone. Shinsou is staring at the villains down in by the fountain in abject horror like the other students did when they were told that this is real. He knew it was real the minute he saw them and he got his capture weapon ready like his new father was.

Everyone else was freaking out, but Shinsou felt oddly steady, even when he saw that giant monster. It was a weird calm that had settled on him. Like he knew what he was doing, as if he was standing guard between the hero course and these villains.

He wasted no time, immediately following Eraserhead into battle. He needed help, he couldn't do this alone. There had to be upward of two hundred petty criminals in the facility. He felt the training to fight them as if it was natural to him, even as his heartbeat thrummed in his ears.

"Hey, you're all stupid!" Shinsou yelled, quirk activated. He could have laughed when at least ten villains responded if not for the migraine and ring in his ears that came with that many people being under his quirk's control. He didn't wait and, instead, took them out left and right, using them as projectiles with his capture scarf to throw at their comrades.

His adrenaline was pumping way too much. Aizawa was fighting a blue haired guy, whose mist-like friend had disappeared, and Shinsou was taking out cronies left and right to to to get over to Eraserhead to help him. Aizawa was fighting their leader but he was still getting rid of minor players. Aizawa needed him.

He was hiding tears when he saw Aizawa getting his elbow decayed because of that blue guy because he wasn't able to do anything with a stubborn brute of a dude trying to swing at him and he wasn't able to do anything but dodge, let alone fight or get over to his dad to help.

A second of reprieve once he'd slammed the head of the guy trying to grab him into the ground, hard, was broken by that giant monster grabbing Aizawa. His heart nearly stopped as it fell and he heaved air. He couldn't lose a father he just gained, they didn't even have time to properly bond yet. They'd never even done anything as father and son yet besides their surprise fight against these villains.

The screech that thing let out was inhuman and he fell back, shaking, crying. He couldn't do nothing to help Aizawa, but his body just wasn't listening to him. He had to move. The screams that Aizawa's newly broken arms came with made him scramble to his feet, hands shaking, holding his capture weapon and he readied himself for whatever came.

"A brat fighting alongside a Pro. What a brave soul you must be, little one. How befitting of the UA Hero Course to rescue a pro when they're not even licensed yet! I'll revel the trouble you'll get in if you survive this." The blue man addressed him after taunting Aizawa. His adoptive father was being injured before him. He knew Aizawa would want him to run away, to hide. But he couldn't leave him like this.

"Leave him alone." Shinsou managed to whisper.

"Leave him alone? You and him took out half of the criminals I brought with me. A couple of them were friends of mine, you know." Shinsou's eyes bolted around as the man lectured before the mist man came over and told the blue one that someone got out.

Little boy blue with his dozen gruesome hand accessories seemed distressed, even said they'd go home. Shinsou was shaking still. Mist man was completely emotionless, could be because he was just a cloud of black smoke or because he actually didn't care.

That monster still had his father and he couldn't do anything about it. How would he even get that thing to respond to him? He didn't want that thing hurting Aizawa if it got violent under his control while trying to break free of his brainwashing either.

"Before we leave, let's make sure the Symbol of Peace is broken. Let's wreck his pride." The blue man moved before he could think and was suddenly over at where Midoriya, Asui, and Mineta were. He adjusted dials on his Artificial Vocal Cords faster than he thought was possible.

"We must leave before other Pros show up!" He used that mist man's voice with his Brainwashing.

"In a moment, Kurogiri." He responded, he actually responded. He could have cried, he probably was. The hand man was stunned and wasn't moving. But, before Shinsou could do anything, Aizawa's face had been smashed into the ground again and then, in what couldn't have been more than a split second, he felt pain aching in his own head with his ears ringing and rubble beneath his face.

"NO!" Midoriya? He felt blood under his hand and face. Was that his? Or was it Aizawa's?

"Dad." He forced himself up to his hands and his eyes open. He had to get them out. He wouldn't lose his father. He saw Aizawa in front of him, it was Aizawa's blood and his own under him.

He forced his knees under him and, seeing blurs of that monster and the blue man, he covered Aizawa sideways for a moment with his own body. Something instinctual told him he'd rather get hurt than lose the only decent parental figure he'd ever had.

The dizziness from getting hit into the ground again was a definite shock. He felt fuzzy, everything felt fuzzy. But he saw Aizawa hadn't been moved, hadn't even been touched.

He'd landed on his Dad's upper back sideways but he wasn't anymore hurt by that ghastly monstrosity. The monster was gone, so was blue boy. They weren't by him anymore, so he didn't care where they were.

"Dad. Dad, please wake up." Aizawa groaned in pain and that was all he needed. He forced his body up and he got his grounding, although dizzy, as he got to kneeling. He protectively grabbed the pro and slung his arm over his shoulder. He had to get them away. They'd both fought as much as they could, he had to get them to safety before they died fighting.

The minute he'd struggled to his stumbling feet was the minute AllMight had burst in. He watched as the whole building went eerily quiet at his arrival and then came the few villains they hadn't defeated were talking about the Symbol of Peace.

He didn't pay attention to what AllMight was saying. He didn't care. He was busy trying to stumble toward the exit. The villains that were standing didn't even bother with him, so he didn't bother with them.

"Get out of my way." He growled at AllMight as the stupid Symbol of Peace invaded his vision. He pushed on by him, he didn't care.

"Young Shinsou." AllMight put a gentle hand on his back and he was suddenly up on the second landing of the stairs. He could get himself out. He kept going, he wasn't going to give up.

He growled at a villain that dared enter his vision, dared enter his personal space. Dare touch Aizawa with clear intent to harm him. He stabbed her with a blade in the shoulder while shoving her down the stairs in her shock, and kept going.

He heard fighting in the background, he didn't care. The stairs were difficult, he had no time to focus on the fighting and he was sure everyone up top was busy with Thirteen. He had to get Aizawa out of here.

Hands came to help him up and he was vaguely aware that Sero and Uraraka were helping him up the stairs, Uraraka making Aizawa weightless so they could carry him easier.

A gunshot rang in his ears. He looked up numbly to see the UA teachers as they began taking down villains. He saw Snipe and his newly minted Uncle Yamada and Aunt Kayama.

"Help him. Please. Dad needs help." He was seeing stars as he let Aunt Kayama and Vlad King finally take Aizawa from him and he dropped like a fly with all his adrenaline gone down the drain.

He vaguely was aware that Snipe was the one to have caught him and he was doing so one armed as he was shooting at someone. He didn't quite care but he hoped his bullets went right for that blue guy and that monster.

He didn't have much time to really speculate on anything before he was passing out against a pro hero all while he heard Mina scream when she, presumably, saw the bloody condition he and his father were in.

Everything just simply went dark and he hoped he woke up in a hospital with a father still and not in a grave or going to a funeral.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust 

[thepurebredking]

REPERCUSSIONS w/@WrathByName, @BondedNoMore, and @HisLeelanNalla

Ehlena: [I heard the sounds of others moving about, my head throbbed as I tried to think. Groaning softly I caught the scent of the antiseptic and alcohol oh dear Scribe who brought me here? At that thought a replay of events leading to my passing out flashed through my mind. I could feel the fact that I was not healing well, or as fast as I should. A lecture was sure to be happening once word reached around that I was awake. I didn't want to open my eyes, the dark black hole that had swallowed me earlier needed to come back and do it again. So the pain could be gone, the hurt would no longer exist. I tried to not make a sound but something gave away that I could not keep. Shuffling in the room caught my attention and I had to open my eyes slowly to see what was going on. Imagine my surprise to see LW there with me.] LW?

LW: It had been a long three hours. After @HisLeelanNalla had left to help his dad in the office, LW had headed down to the PT suite. Doc Jane had asked something about Ehlena so LW headed up to her room. That was where LW had found her, passed out in a pool of her own blood. Freaked out, he'd picked up his (naked) aunt and rushed her down to Doc Jane. The Brothers’ surgeon had immediately jumped into taking care of Ehlena, and LW was left there just staring. The whole family was close, but Nalla had been especially close with Aunt Ehlena because of Rehv. The couple doted on Nalla as a child and he couldn't imagine the devastation that Nalla would go through if Ehlena didn't make it. Hell, no one in the family would recover. They had lost too many already. Still, he knew he had to give at least his father a status update. The King did not like being left in the dark about shit. His phone felt heavy as he dialed his dad's number, growing impossibly heavier as he raised it to his ear to speak with the King. Once Wrath had been assured that Doc Jane had everything in hand, LW went back to waiting. And watching. Trying to stay out of the way. He sat in vigil outside the room while Doc Jane did everything she could for Ehlena and when she came out, she told LW that there was nothing more she could do. Ehlena's body would have to do the rest of the healing on its own. So he moved inside and thank the Scribe, his aunt had a gown on; one of those flimsy hospital gowns that tied in the back. He listened to her breathing, letting that calm his erratic fears. Still, he fidgeted. Doc Jane sent food. And just as a doggen left with his half-eaten tray, he heard her voice. Perking up to immediate attention, LW strode over to the bed. “Hey, Auntie.” He stroked her hair back from her face. She still looked like shit, but she was conscious. “What the hell happened to you?”

Ehlena: [I had not expected to hear the concern that was in his voice, the light touches pushing my hair back. I had no words for it, I also knew that he would not be looking at me the same way once he found out. I sighed and closed my eyes again.] LW, how much time has passed? [Even as I asked I turned my head away from him. I was embarrassed about my actions, the desperation I had for just a brief moment of respite from the pain, heartache, and loneliness that came since the night of the rescue. I was doing what I could to not take my anger out on those who still had their loved ones, their families as whole as they could be. While mine young and myself had to go through what others before us had already done. LW and Nalla were whole while Wrath was not, it was such unfair times but sacrifice was something that had to be done. The fact that he could be here, trying to be supportive without knowing what had exactly happened. It broke my heart even further. He wouldn't look at me the same way, neither would Nalla should they know the truth. That I am far weaker than they believe me to be. I couldn't bring myself to answer him, instead my hand touched where my head hit the nightstand. It was still tender to the touch. How bad was the damage? I could be thankful at least that I had the gown and sheet covering me with him staying here. I decided to not tell him how it was my fault I was hurt, that I wasn't healing (if he had learned of that,) those thoughts didn't stick when I heard the sound of someone else coming into the room.]

LW: “We have no way of knowing when you got knocked out…” his voice was interrupted by Doc Jane. The female took over, all but pushing the Prince out of her way as she checked Ehlena's eye response to light and a bunch of other doctor shit that LW knew nothing about. Her questions came hard and fast and even LW had a hard time keeping up with the ghost. “Hey, Doc. Maybe breathe for a sec and let her get a word in edgewise.” Doc Jane gave LW a glare, but she seemed to listen and slow her roll a little. “Ehlena, when was the last time you fed?” LW looked up in time to see what appeared to be panic on Ehlena's face. Had not feeding caused his aunt to faint? Maybe she hit her head on the way down. That didn’t explain the nudity, but, hey, what happened in her room could stay in her room as far as the Prince was concerned. No one besides LW and Jane needed to know in what condition he found Ehlena. Remembering Ehlena's earlier question, LW spoke up, “It's Tuesday at 3:47 AM. What's the last thing you remember?”

Ehlena: [LW was cut off and pushed aside so to speak by the figure of Doc Jane and I couldn’t help but smile. Answering each question asked, and I was certain that I answered them correctly. Or to her satisfaction. Until she had asked when I fed last, panic crossed my features before I relaxed. That was a question I chose to not answer, knowing what would happen should they know. Thankful for LW speaking up telling me the time as well the day. I hadn’t lost too much time but then again I think that it was at least one day.] Have I been down here long? [I asked in a voice just above a whisper. Again not sure if I wanted to know the answer to this. Tucking my bottom lip between my teeth as I waited, hoping to distract them from the question I had not answered. It was one I did not want to answer. My Hellren was all I needed when it came to feeding. He wasn’t here anymore and I was beginning to feel like I did not want/need to be here anymore myself I needed a reason, my young were grown. Able to take care of themselves. So there was not much more I could do for them. I was at a loss there and felt myself going back down that spiral that I had been on for so long. I looked down and wished this all away. I heard Jane ask to speak to LW in private and my heart sped up. She more than likely knew exactly what was going on as to my silence and damn her if she spoke her concerns to him.]

LW: Kissing Ehlena's cheek, LW left the room with Doc Jane. He was curious to know what the good Doc wanted from him. Had she too caught that look on Ehlena's face? They walked a short bit down the hallway before LW stopped and looked at the ghost. “What is it? Be straight with me, Doc.”

Jane opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times. “I can't say with certainty how she hit her head, but there was more than one hit, that's for sure.” She paused and waited for it to hit LW. Had Ehlena done this to herself? Oh shit, Wrath was gonna hit the ceiling with this information. “and she needs to feed,” Jane continued. “I need a male with strong bloodlines.” LW didn’t hesitate. “I'll do it. Just let me call Nalla.” Jane nodded. “I doubt she’s fed since Rehv died and she may take a lot.” LW was already dialing. “I said I'll do it. I can't afford to lose her. My shellan wouldn't survive her loss too.” Jane nodded. “I will go talk to Ehlena then.” But LW was already walking away to inform his shellan that he would be feeding her favorite aunt.

Ehlena: Oh how I wished to be not hooked up to so many different monitors. Every little move I made had one or another making a sound, documenting what I was doing. Dear Scribe! I wanted to get away before they came back, briefly I wondered if I could just repeat what I had done in mine Chambers here in this room. I knew they were going to force me into feeding it was a gut feeling and with how long they were absent from this room I began to believe that they were pulling Wrath into this and that made what left of a heart that resided in mine chest pound. Couldn't they let me go too? Before Jane had come back into the room I began pulling at each cord, wanting it off of me. “Just what are you doing?” Jane's voice didn't even give me a reason to stop but when a set of hands not belonging to her covered mine I recognized them immediately as our Prince and Hellren to mine dear niece. I still struggled wanting nothing more than to leave. But my neglect made it easy for my attempt to be stopped. Fresh tears burned my eyes and I had no choice but to let them fall. It was the only thing I could do.

LW: My phone call with Nalla was cut short when machines started beeping alarms throughout the clinic. I took off running to Ehlena’s room and watched as she was tearing off the monitors she was hooked up to. “Just what are you doing?” my hands covered hers and I managed to gently pin her in place. “Doc, we may have to restrain her for this.” Jane's eyes met LW's over the bed and they silently conferred. The head injury had been no accident. Nalla's voice came into the room and LW realized that he'd accidentally left his phone on speaker. So she knew. Jane quickly used restraints on Ehlena's wrists, soft padded cuffs that they normally reserved for injured fighters whose minds had not left the fight. Tears poured down Ehlena's face and Nalla's voice once again flooded the room, this time, demanding to speak with her aunt privately. Taking the phone out of his back pocket, LW left the phone on Ehlena's chest and he and Doc Jane exited again.

Ehlena: No! [Oh dear Scribe Nalla! She could hear everything! I had already burned through what strength I had built up and couldn't fight them any longer as Jane applied the restraints that would keep me from leaving the PT Suite. Eyes closed I continued to sob. Why couldn't they just leave me be? It was mine right to choose to join my Hellren. I may still be alive but mine heart laid with him surely LW would have been able to understand that. When I had finally found my voice I was alone, the phone resting there where I could still hear Nalla as she tried to talk to me. I couldn't answer what she asked, now knowing what her male knew. I was broken. There was no fixing me.] I won't do it, I won't let him. [Whispered words about what I knew would happen, LW was getting someone to make me feed. But if I refused even still what could they possibly do? Did I want the answer? I doubted it. Mine eyes closed again and I tuned out Nalla's worried voice as she again tried to get me to talk.]

LW: It had been quiet in the hallway as Doc Jane stood stoically outside Ehlena's door. LW was pacing, trying to come up with some other explanation than the fact that his aunt had tried to off herself. He knew there wasn't, that this had been self-inflicted, but his heart just didn't want to accept it. He knew his father would lose his shit when he found out about this and he could only imagine his shellan's heartbreak. She adored her Uncle Rooster and Aunt Ehlena. Before Rehv and Elena had kids, they doted on Nalla as though she was their own. “Think we've left them alone long enough?” Jane nodded, suddenly seeming weary. They went back into Ehlena's room which was filled with the pleading of his shellan, but Ehlena's face was empty. Not even peaceful, just empty. Her gaze held none of her former spark. “I won't let you,” was the only thing she said before her eyes closed again. She seemed to be drifting off and one of the alarms started to sound. “Nalla, forgive me,” he spoke before biting into his wrist and holding it up to Ehlena's mouth. Biology and bloodlust took over in that instant because she locked onto his arm before the blood had a chance to spill over onto her. Her fangs dug deep and Jane just kind of stood there seemingly in shock. No one had expected the Prince's quick response, but Nalla was there, talking to him every second that the Brotherhood's favorite nurse fed. She drank long and deep, almost to the point of making LW dizzy.

Ehlena: [I believed I was getting my wish as I heard the alarm going off before darkness surrounded me again and I believed myself giving in to it. I heard LW, Nalla too. But not of anything that could be made out just as if they were speaking in hushed tones. Mine own heart was slowing and finally, finally I could find my peace. I barely felt anything but suddenly there was pressure against my mouth, liquid filling and I instinctively swallowed. My fangs ached without realizing I had latched on and sunk them deep. I wanted to stop to pull away but mine bodies needs refused to let me since it finally had what it had been needing for some time. I kept drinking even as I felt the body attached to the arm sway. I had gone too long and the taste of the blood far better than it should have because of it. A hand ran through my hair comforting and soothing while I knew that soon they'd be making me give up the hold I held. How much had I drank? I didn't even know but at some point when I felt sated I let go. Instinct having me close the wounds and lick my lips. Now my needs were of a different nature and as I opened mine eyes the soft smile and desires I had in my body dropped as if I had been placed in ice water.] What have you done?! [I all but screamed at him, forgetting about who he was, the title he carried. Right now even as my savior he was also the one who damned me. A fresh round if tears came as well as anger rising. I couldn't even wipe them away and the dried tears from before on my cheeks.] Why won't you let me join him? [I slumped and pouted like a child, trying to turn and out my back to him. Mind not thinking clearly but it mattered not. My Prince had saved my life. Soon even Wrath would be down here in this room demanding answers I refused to share. Jane was there behind him and I could hear her say something about observation, talking to someone. And even about a 'suicide watch’ until I was better.]

LW: LW was attempting to stay standing when Ehlena finished and her screaming gave him a bit of backbone. He almost yelled back, but Doc Jane held him back, speaking in hushed whispers about suicide watch and observation. He was incensed that Ehlena just wanted to give up after everyone that they'd lost. Nalla's voice came through the phone, tear-filled and shaky. He knew there was no way that she hadn't heard all of that. Grabbing the phone off the bed, LW brushed Ehlena's hair back. “Don't forget, you have more family to live for, Ehl. We love you.” wiping a tear from her cheek, LW put the phone to his ear and asked Nalla to come down to the infirmary. Between feeding Nalla and Ehlena, he was woozy and needed to feed himself. Plus, he needed his shellan with him right then. It was shit like this that made him reconsider going out in the field, but he was a warrior. It was what he did. Nalla was ready for Wrath to groom his son to take over the throne one day. But, until today, seeing Ehlena's distress -- hell her suicide attempt -- he hadn't put much faith in Nalla's worries because he was always surrounded by other fighters, other Brothers. But Rehv had been a helluva fighter, with a secret weapon.  No one should have been able to get the jump on him. And they did.

Ehlena: [I tugged at the restraints wishing I could have them off but now there was still no chance of me being able to leave. Jane made sure of it and LW was going to be helping her. Dear Scribe Wrath was certainly going to be here soon once he was filled in. My heart was pounding and I heard her come back in. I could see how she managed to stay as a Dr because she kept her voice calm as she checked over the back of my head, sure it was going to be looking better now. I didn't want sympathy or pity and it was going to be the first thing from most of them. If I was in my right frame of mind I would apologize to LW and Jane both but I was being stubborn and still did not talk to them. Even when LW came back once again. My silence was for a different reason. I swallowed hard and fought a fresh round of tears.] LW I didn’t mean to snap at you. Nothing’s been the same or right. I took part of it out on you.

LW: Nalla's voice on the other end of the phone broke through LW's macabre thoughts. He reached out against the wall to balance himself, woozy from the amount of blood he'd given to Ehlena. His voice cracked when he spoke his shellan's name, emotions on the edge. “Nalla….” his beloved seemed to understand the need in that single word because he heard her shuffling and the soft spoken tones, “I'm on my way, Nallum.” He let himself slump to the ground, eyes watery and he hung his head between his knees. He understood the biology of vampire mating. Hell, he'd seen his own father after the death of his beloved mahmen. Losing a mate could ruin a warrior. But this? Ehlena … suicide? She'd never get into the Fade this way. She'd never get to see Rehv again. And her young…. Madahlena had just risen to power as the symphath Queen. Losing her Mahmen and her father would wreck his little cousin. And he needed her to be strong right now. Showing weakness in front of the symphaths was a death sentence. LW trembled at all the outcomes he could see. Losing Ehlena would forever crush this family. They would never be the same. She needed to know the consequences. “Nalla, bring Wrath. I think he and Ehlena have much to discuss.” With a soft declaration of love, he hung up on his shellan and stood up, proud that he only swayed once. Walking back into Ehlena's room was a feat, but he made it. Waving off Ehl's apology, he slumped in his seat, “So you want to die, huh? Are you willing to get Madahlena killed?” His brow rose. Hell no, he was NOT opposed to emotional blackmail. “Because you and I both know what the colony will do to her while she mourns.” Ehlena flinched at his words, but LW pressed on, “What about Bella? She lost her brother and now you? What is she gonna do? And Nalla? My SHELLAN. She adores you. I get it, okay. I watched Dad fall apart when Mahmen died. But FUCK YOU. He was selfless enough to live. Apparently you're not.” At that moment, Nalla entered. “I'll leave you to it.” with that, the Prince walked out.

Ehlena: [How could one explain to their family that the breaking point was the dream, knowing that your body was starting to demand something that could never be satisfied. Oh I was aware what I did was not the way to go about things but it was so obvious that I was not thinking clearly. Lack of taking care of myself definitely made things worse. I was stuck here now and as I listened to LW at first talk, then yell. Flinching as he made his case. He had his rights to be mad about Nalla and my actions affecting her. I did not expect however, my anger to rise as he swore at me. What he did not realize is the fact I tried, I tried to live but Dear Scribe I still felt like everything was against me, I knew there was a point in his heated choice of words. Mine daughter was far stronger than he gave her credit for. Otherwise she would not have accomplished her part in going to the Colony. Would she miss me, mourn me? Of course but she did not have the weakness I currently held. I had once asked Wrath another how he continued after Beth. Was it any easier, that chat had lasted what felt like hours. I thought things might have been able to be alright mostly. But then the dreams began. The wanting, needing, and the ghost touches of my Hellren who no longer was here to rest his head on my shoulder. I truly felt like nothing without him. I opened my mouth prepared to give right back at him but the shadow now at the door had me looking that way. The color that had been brought back to my cheeks from feeding from LW left just as quick as it had returned earlier. This was a low blow. Bringing not just her but Wrath down here as well! I without thinking I glared at his figure as he walked out. There stood his father, looking like he was waiting for LW to join him back outside the room. The door shut and all that left me was Nalla, and the inner workings of my own mind. This was not going to be good. She shouldn't be here where I was bound to lash out at her as well. I didn't know what may end up happening next. Yeah I was sinking, and not in a way that was good for anyone around me. I was positive I was going to pull them all down with me. Looking down at my wrist I could see the fact the skin was becoming irritated from the struggling I had done. I still wanted free, I still wanted away from here, away from everyone who could still be happy. I was envious of them once again and the negativity continued to seep through me. I hadn't consciously made the choice but I ignored Nalla, she hadn't begun talking so it made it easier to do. Eyes closing I tried to push out the words I heard floating around there in my mind. The words were not the issue, but the voice that spoke them was what got to me. Burning feelings began again in my eyes and I wondered how many times was a person able to break before those lines, the cracks became permanent?]

Nalla: *As I run down the hall from Aunt Layla’s room to Aunt Ehlena’s, I do as my hellren had asked, and I call Uncle Wrath, who as far as I know is still up in his office, to let him know he’s needed here in the clinic. After I hang up, I lean against the wall for a minute to catch my breath and try to calm down a bit before dealing with what’s waiting for me in that room. Tonight was another night of multiple emotional blows, on top of everything else that’s been going on lately, and I feel like I might be about to hit an overload. Before long, Uncle Wrath comes around the corner, led by Whiskey.* Over here, Uncle. *I push off the wall and straighten up as he approaches, and give him a quick rundown of the situation as I know it. As I finish, the door to Aunt Ehlena’s treatment room opens and LW steps out, looking pale and shaky. Shit!! I need to make sure I feed him as soon as possible. Between his injuries during the rescue mission, then feeding me and now our aunt, his blood needs have to be in overdrive right now! Especially since his stubborn ass had refused to feed from me after the mission. Well, one way or another he’ll be taking my vein tonight, even if I have to knock him out and tie him to our bed first! But, first things first. I step into the room and close the door, taking a seat as I take stock of my aunt. She is restrained to the bed, her wrists appearing raw from trying to get loose, and a bandage was wrapped around her head. Though the marks on her wrists will soon disappear, and the bandages become unnecessary thanks to my hellren’s blood. The color in her cheeks is high as well, though whether that’s from the feeding or her emotions I can’t say. As I watch, she makes a point of ignoring me, looking away and staying silent. I take a seat and watch her, staying silent as well as I try to make sense of the whirl of emotions inside me, and figure out what I want to say first and how.

Wrath:

This was not what I was expecting when I got the call from Nalla. I expected some serious injuries from the team out on patrol. I thought maybe even LW might have been involved, due to the tone in Nalla’s voice. What I did not expect was to hear that Ehlena had tried to take her own life.

Ehlena was one of the last people I would have ever thought to do such a thing. She knew that had she succeeded, she would not be able to enter The Fade and end up being with Rehv. Not only that, but Ehlena was too strong for that. The way she handled herself in her everyday life had always impressed me, especially the way she handled all the medical emergencies that came in and out of this place. She worked straight though whatever tragedy came before her, seemingly unaffected as she went about her job. I know she is sensitive and she was not indifferent to what laid before her on those tables. But, she has always been able to hold it all together and work without effect.

Now, I was standing before Nalla as she explained the lengths that Ehlena had gone through in her attempt to end it all. I was pissed and frustrated and unsure of how to even think of approaching Ehlena. As I stepped up to the door, I knew my presence would be threatening. I knew how weak and wrought with emotions Ehlena would be, right now and decided not to step foot inside. Right now, I would do her no good, because all I wanted to do was let loose on her. Instead, I chose to stand outside and wait for LW to come out. I would get all the details from him and discuss next steps with him.

#Repercussions #ISRPG #BDBRP

[aspiestvmusings]

Personal, unpopular opinion on grief [ZEP S1 EDITION]

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SENSITIVE TOPICS: GRIEF & DEATH OF LOVED ONES. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT NOT HANDLE READING ABOUT SUCH TOPICS. 

This post was inspired by ZEP (”Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist” & the Season  1 storyline...that is related to Zoey’s dad, Mitch & what’s we all knew would happen..soon/in the S1 finale. His death. And the grief..,      other characters feelings about what’s to come and (now) what’s happened. 

In this post I will discuss some of the things related to grief that the show/storyline (creator, writers) talk about, and that the cast talk about. How they talk about grief. And I will discuss some of the things related to death & grief...from my personal experience.  

But first, I'd like to start with a few important points: 

1. All humans (and all fictional characters) are different. So we all process things differently & act differently...in same/similar situations. This also applies to grief and grieving, and feelings about life & death. These characters way of dealing with grief is “valid”, and so is mine. But its just strange that only one POV seems to be represented on the show...mostly (and yes, we see it all through Zoey’s eyes, so it’s her POV that dominates) 

What would have worked better on ZEP... IMO: 

What I would have appreciated from the show is for them to show both sides more. To have characters express different views  on grief, and death. More, and longer than they did with Deb in 1x11 & Howie’s speech to Zoey in 1x12. It would’ve been more believable if not everyone was seeing it the same way...if there’s been counter-arguments. 

Like...regarding the idea that only someone, who has had the exact same experience (lost their dad/husband), would understand you/your grief. They really hammered that “truth” with Zoey/Simon grief connection. And even a bit with Zoey finding another widow, Deb, to talk to her mom...cause she herself hadn’t lost a husband of 30+ years...so she would not understand (but, really, it’s more about her inability to deal with/express her emotions, and hiding them, and needing help with understanding others emotions...which her new sperpower is supposed to help her with]. They also had the whole family deal with it all pretty similarily. 

Just have one character tell Zoey that she doesn’t need someone with the same experience to have them understand her, and support her, and help her through this. That having the same experience does not automatically mean “instant connection”. Because...every death/experience is different, and so are Zoey’s & Simon’s...so it doesn’t even make sense to me that they’d automatically connect cause both lost their fathers. Why did no one point that out to her? Why did no one ever pose a counter argument? 

And why does she/the show seem to think that no one else has the same experience and/or would understand? I mean...most adults have lost someone by the time they turn 25... so if we’d get to know the characters more, we’d probably learn all of them have lost someone (maybe not a parent, but perhaps a grandparent?) They did that...a bit..with Joan & her mom story in 1x10. But again... too little, too “late”. She would’ve really needed to hear those things...sooner. Realizing that she can connecct to others...and others can connect to her. That all it takes is someone who wants to help her...and be there for her... whether they have the same experience or not. (maybe Tobin has lost someone, and it would’ve been helpful for Zoey to connect to him/talk to him?

This made it really hard (read: impossible) to “get” their grief bond, or take it “seriously”: Because the idea that no one questioned this just seemed ..strange. Sure..Zoey definitely believes this to be true, but... for no other character to question the validity of it... just seemed... too... strange. And since I personally don’t think that one needs to have the same experience to understand other person, and be the shoulder they lean on...but that instead it just takes someone who knows you and wants to be there for you... it was difficult to buy the whole “grief bond” they were selling. 

Which is probably why I never got their “connection”. And only saw it as lust from both sides, and just her/them displacing their greif...and nothing more. So that...and the fact that as human as having feelings for someone else while youre engaged is, I DO NOT support the storyline which tries to say that just because Simon is hot it’s ok for him to have an emotional affair with Zoey while he’s engaged. That somehow the hotness factor makes it OK, cause it’s “very human”, and “grief made him do it”. Nope...I’d quote Mo here, just replacing “powers” with “grief”. Mo’s words to her “Don’t blame the powers grief. This one’s all on you.” apply here...IMO. They both need to do better!

And I also had a hard time “believing” that a brain-person like Zoey (she’s a coder,  problem-solver) would be so irrational, and even though she’s also presented as “a hot mess kind of person”, her irrationality & behaviours just seemed not something I’d expect from someone like her. I, too, see world s black & white. So this is why to me two options remain: either she is just shouting cichees & lies to others OR she is out-of-character (by choice, not cause of grief or powers). I mean... she understood issues with grief and gave great advice to Simon since ep 1...yet she herself did the opposite. She made all the mistakes he had made (not learning from him, but choosing the same wrong route, not taking her own advice: talk to someone..etc). 

For me, personally, I cannot “connect” with the characters (Clarke family...or the showrunner, whose said that his experiences/feels are represented by the characters) and their grief, even though I’ve had similar exprience (with my dad ... though it wasn’t a rare disease, but cancer). But no two people, not two different deaths are similar. And I guess I (and my family) are less emotional & more logical...when it comes to topics of life & death. Our (and especially mine) view is more like the other option Howie, the caregiver, presented to Zoey as they ate ice cream and talked about what’s to come..in the S1 finale. 

I have, in general, a hard time buying the show, because I’m just too logical and brain person, and this is still a TV show...even if it’s based on real life events. It’s still adapted, and fictional elements have been added...to fit it for screen. So... since it was hard for me to believe that in all the prior months...ever since Mitch had been diagnosed... no one had really done any of the things they all suddenly came up with... 

Like realizing there are ways to communicate with Mitch ( or...try to communicate with him)...even if he can’t really speak or move. Suddenly Zoey has an idea to create a computer programme which lets her dad type his messages. Like..she’s smart, and tech savvy...and in no way do I find it believeble that she’d not thought of this before she got her superpower...and was motivated only by hearing his thoughts. Did no doctor inform them about the details of her fathers condition? Did everone claim he is already unable to understand speech etc...with 100% certainty? Did none of them just try to talk to him...etc...without being sure he can hear/understand...still? You know...like they encourage talking to people in coma, for example. 

Like...coming to the idea of a chairlift...before Mitch actually fell..while being helped up the stairs. What did they do all the prior months? When he’d already lost the ability to walk? When he still was able to talk? For a family that is so close, I find it quite unbelievable that they never talked about...anything. Even if they touched upon this in episode 1x11 when Zoey asked Maggie why they didnt do any of the planning sooner, she claims none of them expected it to happen so fast. Like...their doctor seems OK, so how are they so uninformed? When we know that Zoeys style is to read up on all the topics she wants to know about. She would read all the research there is...so she’d know... quite a bit. 

Like them thinking that a temporary improvement means a “cure”. None of them are clueless, they’re all smart, so I don’t also buy them not knowing that this is progressive, and there is no cure, and after the person loses as many abilities as Mitch had by the time we met this family (hard to swallow,  no speech...), then they don’t have much time left. Same with these smart people not knowing that based on several observations... most people report that dying people usually become “alert/more responsive”..just before the end. So... Mitch having a good day the day before he died was a clear sign he’s about to die.

Like...if we actually analyse it, it seems as if they “stood still” for months...ever since Mitch was diagnosed. And then suddenly...”thanks” to Zoey’s superpower, they start getting ideas, and do stuff, and talk to each other... which doesnt seem to have happened...at all... during all the prior months. How? 

It just seems too much “done to fit the TV format”, and it doesn’t seem to make much sense...actually... 

MY OWN EXPERIENCES: 

I lost my first grandfather when I was a kid & he was only in his 60s (so quite young). That was an unexpeted & sudden event that no one saw coming (example: heart attack, stroke). I lost my other grandparents when I was in my 20s (they both lived a full life: 84 & 92...and were ready to go) & I lost my last grandma last year (she was almost 89...and outlived her husband by around 25 years)...after her health had been declining... for a while. And I lost my father about 3 years ago (he was in his 60s)... knowing he had max 6 months left by then. 

I will talk, a bit, about my dad, who died 3 years ago, in 2017, and my finnish grandma, who died last year...just a month before her 89th birthday. 

                              **************************************

With my dad... I had kinda lost him once before, because 5 years earlier he had a serious health issue, and his heart stopped on the operating table. But he was revived. And though he was in a coma for over a week, he did survive, and had no permanent damage. He had to go through extensive physiotherapy and learn to walk properly again, and hold a spoon again (fine motorskills), but his mind/brain/memory was unharmed. But...nonetheless, I sat beside him while he was in a coma, and I sat beside him after he had woken up... 

That health issue lead to his cancer diagnosis though...cause without it he’d never gone to see a doc on his own, and wouldn’t have known, probably. He was stage 3 when diagnosed, and though he tried all kinds of different treatment options, it progressed to stage 4 (that’s what lifetime of smoking does to your lungs!), and by 2016 he had metastasis in his spine..etc, and it was clear he had months/max a year left. It was a guesswork though how long exactly. 

But his medicine cabinet was more impressive than Mitch’s by the end. It got more serious at the end of 2016, and he basically survived with extra oxygene (help from a “ventilator”) & “morphine”. He probably would’ve kept himself alive for several more months, but he had a health issue in January 2017, and his body was just too weak (from chemo, from treatments from...) that he didn’t make it this time. And though I/we had longer than a year to “prepare”, these fictional characters also had time...

Yet, for me, personally, that death was not as hard. (in all honesty, I’d been expecting his cancer diagnosis since I was in highschool... I honestly couldn’t believe he had any lungs left...with his heavy smoking)

                               *****************************************

For me, personally, the hardest was my other grandma’s end of life.. The one who died last year. But not the death...but her last years instead. And though my first grandma (who died almost 15 years ago) had memory issues during her last years, cause she’d had 2 stokes & she kept mixing up people & events (calling people by wrong name, mixing us up), she had my grandpa by her side...til the end. But with my other grandma... whose health had been declining...step by step..over past 5-10 years, it was different. To the point that my aunt/her daughter was her guardian, cause she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions anymore... even if at times she had a clear mind. And one of those times was her last, 88th Birthday in 2018. 

She never vebalized it...never was able to say the words (though she did talk... a bit), but I could see it in her eyes/look... she wanted to go... but “modern medicine” was keeping her body alive. And for me it was hard, because I am a supporter of a persons choice to choose assisted ending, but I’m the only one in the family who really supports this. And since she never actually said the words, and since I could not be 100% sure that what I thought I “read in her eyes” was what she was actually thinking, I could not be sure. But I considered her last 1-2 years of life just torture for her. So... as sad as I was, I was relieved when I got the call a year ago, on May 26th (exactly one month before her next birthday would’ve been)...that she’d died, I was happy that she “didn’t have to suffer anymore”. We scattered her ashes one month later, in last June, on what would have been her 89th birthday.

If my mom and aunt, who were there with her during her lasts days, would have told me the day before how “perky” she seemed the day before she passed, I would’ve known that it’s about to happen. But they told me when they called after it had happened. 

Death has never been something to fear in our family. My grandparents (their story is like a fairytale, where after she was gone he had "no reason to hold onto life anymore”, so he went just 4 months later...) even prepped everything themselves. They were prepared, though Mo on the show is more prepared. They had everything chosen & organized & planned (the plot, the main details), so everything was done according to their “notes” basically. With others it’s been more general...like where (which cemetary) they wanna be buried and/or cremated. 

        Yes, there is a lot under the (and etcetera)...from dealing with subsciptions on the persons name... to the bank... to job related stuff... next to the actual “burial event”. And while a good funeral home helps you a lot... and does a lot of the work for you (transportation...etc), then there is a lot that you/the family have to do before/after all this. But still... it’s not that difficult to get it all done. I did half the work when my dad died (lots of calls, emails, visits to offices/banks...etc).. to deal with all the paperwork and more. 

I understand that I may sound like a cold person to many, but in my experience death & funerals have never been “end of the world”...like they’re often done on TV. Cause in most cases they only show death & grief in one way on TV.... as “end of the world drama”. When we need more POV’s like the other option Howie represented to Zoey. (and then the characters can choose which was is their way)

So...honestly, I have a hard time “connecting” with the ZEP season 1 grief  plot....the way it was done. Even though I can draw many parallels between Mitch(’s health) & my dad(’s health). We knew that he had not much left, but he ended up going faster & “unexpectedly” so he was gone about a month after his health took a turn to the worse...and we had known that all there was left to do was to wait... 

And yet, based on most of the online comments, reviews, etc..I’ve seen online, most find it easy to connect, and “feel the same way” and I seem to be alone in my “weirdness” and different look at the grief and greif storyline. 

AM I ALONE IN THINKING THIS WAY? (MOST LIKELY) 

Did anyone else find it hard to believe the Zoey/SImon “grief connection” they tried to establish? 

Did anyone else find it hard to believe that such a close family had just been sitting & waiting for months (ever since last year, when Mitch was diagnosed), and not done anything....until Zoey’s superpower makes them magically start taking all sorts of steps? 

Did anyone think that the focus was not enough of the family, da/daughter, and grief...and too much on the love triangle? (even if the two storylines are connected...strongly)

[blahblahblippyblah]

The Magic of Dust: first day

Chapter 3

His dark materials AU.

Read on AO3 too.

Remus

Remus was the first one to wake up the next morning. Ileuda was curled up on his chest and glared at him angrily when he sat up and she tumbled on top of the bedsheets. He opened his bed curtains and surveyed the dorm. t was small and the other three beds had their curtains drawn shut still. Remus could hear the sounds of snoring coming from Peter and James’s beds. Orange sunlight spilled into the room, the sun was just showing up. He stretched and heard both his shoulder pop. He was sore today, which as expected the full moon was now 6 days away. He tiptoed barefoot to the bathroom. He quickly washed up and got ready. Ileuda also washed herself up using the sink to wet her little paws and wipe them on her face.

Tiptoeing back to the dorm he was relieved to see everyone was still fast asleep, so he took the opportunity to quickly get dressed. He changed his shirt as quickly as possible not even wanting to risk someone seeing the scars that covered his chest and back. By the time he was putting on his socks James’ curtains had begun to rustle, and by the time he had his bag on and was tying his trainers James stumbled out blurry eyes without glasses heading to the bathroom.

The common room downstairs was practically empty. Only two upper year students were up sitting by the fire chatting quietly. Remus headed straight down to the Great Hall since his stomach was rumbling.

The Great Hall was also sparsely occupied. Only the gamekeepers, and a large porky professor with bushy moustache were up at the head table. Two Slytherins were sitting far apart at their table, a group of three Hufflepuff girls were sitting giggling, and then one other person at the Gryffindor table. When Remus got closer, he saw it was the red-headed girl from yesterday. She looked sad as she poked her scrambled eggs with her fork. Remus decided to go and see what was up.

He sat down across from her and began filling his plate with bacon and filling his mug with some spicy smelling tea that was out.

“Good morning. Lily was it?” He asked when she looked up.

She stared at him for a second with a straight face and slightly squinted eyes. She was obviously deciding how to respond. Remus had forgotten about the fight James sand Sirius had started in the compartment, and she probably was deciding if he was to blame too.

“I’m Remus” Remus said extending his hand to her. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself properly yesterday. Kind of nerve wracking coming to Hogwarts.” Remus continued trying to convince Lily he wasn’t being malicious.

She reached out and shook his hand back then went back to poking her eggs solemnly.

“It’s ok. I was nervous to come too” She said. On her shoulder her mourning dove daemon let out a mournful sounding sigh.

Beside him Ileuda laid her head in his lap. Remus pet her softly. Obviously, something was up making this girl sad, he felt bad for her, but he didn’t want to be nosy and intrusive, so he decided to try and change the subject.

“You excited for any particular class?”

Lily looked up and smiled faintly.

“Ya, I’m excited for potions. My friend Severus lent me a potions book on rare ingredients before I got my letter and I got really interested.”

Remus smiled; he honestly wasn’t fond of potions. At home his dad had stopped brewing since the smells affected him so strongly. Even if his office door was closed the fumes still seemed to spill out under the door and make him feel ill.

However, his mother would take him out a in the forest behind their house and he would help her pick stuff to eat for dinner, mustards, herbs and berries. Occasionally his dad would come and point out magical plants. Sometimes they would pick they for healing potions. One time they found a wand tree on their property deep in the forest. His dad had pulled out a handful of rice and placed it at the bottom of the tree. Then they stood back quietly behind and watched as a bunch of bowtruckels came down from the canopy to eat the rice. He was young then and seeing the little twig creatures had been a magical moment.

“So did you use to pick potion ingredients with your family?” Remus asked.

“Oh umm no. My family is muggle. But I went out with my friend quite a bit. He used to brew potions in his bedroom. I don’t think my sister would have liked that very much” The last sentence she said with her nose scrunched up a bit. Her dove daemon ruffled its feathers at the mention of their sister. Then it flew up in the air and turned into a monarch butterfly and landed in Lily’s hair.

“My mom’s a muggle. She doesn’t understand potions. She thinks it’s silly to brew a potion for a sore throat when you can just drink some ginger tea.” Remus said trying to keep Lily in conversation now that it seemed to be cheering her up.

Lily chuckled a little. “It is a little silly isn’t it. So what classes are you looking forward too.”

“Oh history of magic sounds fun. I read the text book twice already. Plus, I found a book on the Goblin rebellion of 1419 that I started reading.”

With that they started talking about how they thought school here would work. She had apparently been to a public muggle school, and she was worried Hogwarts would be different. Remus himself had never been to school before. His mom and dad taught him from home. They moved a lot because of his condition, and his dad was worried about people realising that he disappeared every month around the full moon, only to come back injured. So, He was really excited to start school like a regular person.

They continued talking about wizard history till the hall started to get busy. Lily had also read Hogwarts: A History and they started to compared notes when James and Sirius came into the hall. James was tying his new Gryffindor tie as he came in trying to straighten his clothes, which he obviously put on with little effort. Sirius however had just thrown on whatever was probably lying on the top of his trunk and didn’t seem to care. His tie hung untied around his neck, his shirt was opened at the top, and his robe was thrown over his shoulder, everything very wrinkly. This only thing that was done properly was his neatly brushed hair pulled back with a striking red and gold ribbon. This was in contrast to James whose hair looked even more of a rat’s nest than yesterday. They sat down with Lily and him and Lily immediately dropped her niceties and turned to Sirius who sat down beside her.

“I don’t remember asking you two to join us”

James paused but Sirius stayed calm and ignored her.

“Good because I don’t remember asking.” He simply said filling his plate with eggs and toast.

Lily glared daggers at Sirius. Remus thought she was about to hit the guy so he decided to step in.

“Lily this is Sirius and James. You may be confused since they forgot to introduce themselves like regular human beings.” Remus said to Lily while stepping discretely on James’s toes.

James got the message and sat up straight and turned to Lily.

“I’m James.” Remus pressed harder on James toes. He winced and continued “Sorry for that um…kerfuffle yesterday”

Lily didn’t respond. She just glared angrily at him. Sirius who was sitting beside her snorted at the word ‘kerfuffle’ and then coughed a bit since he chocked on his mouth full of eggs. Some went flying from his mouth onto his plate. She shot him a disgusted look and James started laughing out loud at Sirius which caused milk to splatter out of his mouth, which caused Sirius to laugh and a disgusting feedback loop of chewed food.

“You are both disgusting” She said out loud and shuffled further away from them.

Thankfully the post decided to arrive just then, stopping further bickering. The hall filled with owls carrying letters and packages to students. Remus looked up and saw a giant eagle owl land on James’s shoulder. The owl was huge, and very regal in the way it looked. It promptly held out its leg to let James untie the large package attached to it.

“Forgot some stuff. Oh, look mom sent cookies” James said reaching in the box.

Remus was so caught up admiring James’s eagle he didn’t notice his family owl until it nipped at his hand.

“Sorry Toffee” He said taking the letter from the little burrowing owl. He ruffled her feathers and gave one cautious look at James shoulder where his owl was now swallowing a whole boiled egg before taking off again.

Remus opened his letter.

Son,

I hope all went well on your way to Hogwarts. Your mother and I are already missing you terribly, as well as worrying about you. Last night we had Cottage pie only because it was your favourite meal, and your mother felt bad about not making you some before you left. She’s worried they might not feed you well enough so she’s planning on baking a bunch of things to send. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the Hogwarts house elves are probably the best cooks in Britain. I’ll have to wait to send the sweets until I go to Diagon alley, since muggle post won’t reach you and I will need to borrow a heftier owl. I would have sent some, but poor Toffee wouldn’t have been able to make the journey.

The school has an owlery which you should be able to send letters through instead of having Toffee fly across the country. I’m sure your first day will be busy, but if you could take the time to write home today and let us know how you are doing it would make both me and your mother feel better.

Study hard and keep your head down,

Dad

Remus smiled at the letter. He missed his parents too and appreciated the letter. He made a note to visits the owlery before the end of the day to tell his parents where he was sorted.

“Do you know how to use the muggle post?” James asked. Remus turned to see him looking over his shoulder. He quickly folded the letter and put it away.

“Ya, I use to send my grandmother letters all the time until she died. A little slower than owl post though.”

“That’s so cool. So how do stamps work then?” James asked with wide eyes and apparent interest. It was now Lily’s turn to snort in laughter. James shrank a bit at the laughing. Sirius chose then to but in and save James from further embarrassment.

“Given me a cookie Potter” Sirius said getting up and leaning across the table to reach for the box James was going through and putting in his bag.

“No! You Freeloader!”

Remus moved over a little just like Lily to avoid the fighting that ensued, where Sirius grabbed the box and James tried to wrestle it back.

“I feel sorry that you have to live with them” Lily said to him.

Remus smiled and was about to say that they weren’t that bad when a stray owl flew over them and dropped a red scarlet envelope in between James and Sirius. They both stopped moving immediately looking at it frightened. Everyone around them also stopped and stared at the letter too.

Neither James or Sirius reached out to pick it up both acting like any quick. Movements might make it explode. Remus leaned over to see in emerald green ink the name on the front in large cursive letter.

Sirius Arcturus Black III

“You better run mate” A redhead beside James said. His twin brother across the table nodded.

“What is it?” Lily asked. Remus too was wondering the same thing.

Then the letter started steaming violently.

“Too late” James said backing away from the letter. Sirius too sat down leaned away. The letter exploded with a thunderous bang scorching the table. Then a voice boomed around the hall making all the other students who hadn’t notice the letter stop and turn to see the commotion.

“SIRIUS BLACK! HOW DARE YOU BRING HUMILIATION UPON THE NOBEL HOUSE FOR WHICH YOU REPRESENT. CONSORTING WITH MUDBLOODS AND TRAITORS! YOU HAVE BROUGHT BOTH ME AND YOUR FATHER TO SHAME, YOUR ANCESTORS SHALL ROLL IN THEIR GRAVES!” Sirius kept a blank face but continued to stare down at the black burnt mark on the table where the letter was emanating sound. His eyes lost all the sparkle they had just moments ago, instead becoming grey haze. The voice was shrill with a thick French accent similar to Sirius’s, but this was posher. It out like thundering and making his ears ring with pain.

"YOU WLL FIX THIS EMBARESSMENT IMMDEIDALTY OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!”

And with that final note the hall fell silent. Sirius stayed still and everyone kept watching him.

“All right you lot mind your beeswax” One of the redhead twins said out loud scolding everyone watching. Slowly people went back to their breakfasts.

“Alright mate” James asked quietly.

Sirius shook his head as if coming out of a trance.

“Ya. Of course.” He said sounding as if nothing had happened. “Lovely women my mother, real charmer” Sirius joked. James made a little snort of laughter which was what Sirius must have been going for because he began reaching for the cookies again.

Remus felt a little off. He had only heard about how some pureblood families were prejudice, but he thought Sirius might not have been from one of those families. He was so nice, maybe he didn’t know he was a half blood. But then again Sirius didn’t sound like he agreed with his family the way he just joked about his mom. Remus thought he would just wait and see how the day went with Sirius now knowing he was probably a half blood with James asking about the muggle post.

McGonagall was now going around handing out schedules down the Gryffindor table. Remus looked around.

“Where Peter?”

“Damn. I know we forgot something” James said standing up with Sirius and heading out of the hall.

Peter

The first day of classes had gone slowly. The first class they had was charms. Professor Flitwick was a short man with a high pitch voice and a goldfinch for a daemon talked for a bit then set them up to practice levitation feathers. This meant that they could talk with each other for most of the class.

This seemed to both be a blessing and a curse. The blessing was that everyone was so occupied with their own little groups they didn’t notice that Peter wasn’t able to even make his feather twitch. The downside was that everyone was talking about one thing. The howler Sirius Black had gotten. The story James and Sirius had told him when they woke him up hadn’t been complete, but from the rumours he was overhearing he didn’t blame Sirius for not wanting to talk about it.

Sirius however seemed bothered about the howler, he only seemed worried about one particular thing.

“They all think I’m some sort of loony blood purists now” Sirius said glaring at two Ravenclaw girls who were whispering behind them while looking over at Sirius. When James looked back at them and narrowed his eyes, they stopped whispering

“Forget them.” James said turning back to his feather and making it soar up effortlessly. James and Sirius both got the spell on the first try. Remus had taken a few tries but had eventually got it.

Peter turned back to his feather and tired again. Nothing.

“Here” Remus said reaching out and getting his attention. “Try a more flicking wrist thing. Like this”

Remus demonstrated. He tried again using Remus’s movement. The feather in front of him twitched up but didn’t get very far.

“More flick, less swish”

Peter tried again and felt the magic move out from his arm to his wand. The feather raised a little bit up to eye level and slowly fell back down.

“Amazing work Mr. Pettigrew” Professor Flitwick said coming over to check on everyone.

The rest of the day was uneventful. In Herbology they just went over safety rules. Most of which James and Sirius did not pay attention for. They spent most of the class secretly levitating potting soil into some blonde Hufflepuffs school bag. When the boy went to reach for his notebook to write down the readings for next class, the boy was pissed but couldn’t find the culprit. It took everything for them not to burst out laughing when he went to open his quill case to find that also filled with soil.

“Beautiful touch with the quill case Black” James aid as they headed to lunch.

After lunch was a double period of History of Magic. After the initial shock of Professor Binns who to their surprise was a ghost coming out of the chalk board the lesson got boring. Binns droned on reading from his notes about some sort of Goblin legislator formed on the 1600’s and most of the class fell off to sleep within the first hour. Eventually James was full on sleeping. Sirius was playing tic tac toe lazily with him on a spare bit of parchment. The girls sitting in front of them were braiding their hair and drawing doodles on their notes. The only person who seemed to be listening was Remus, who was diligently listening and taking notes.

By the time diner time arrived Peter was exhausted. Thankfully the amazing smell of the food in the hall woke him right up. Aspecta even ended her long nap and crawled out of his pocket landing on the floor as a racoon before getting up beside him at the table.

The girls also came to join them for dinner.

There was Marlene McKinnon and her Squirrel daemon Avita, Mary McDonald and her ginger cat daemon Wholright, Dorcas Meadowes and her snail daemon Reunter, and Lily Evans, who Peter remembered from the train. Lily didn’t seem happy to sit with them but followed her friends anyway. She however sat beside Remus as far from James and Sirius as she could, and only talked to him for the duration of the meal.

It wasn’t until desert something interesting happened. The greasy guy named Severus came over to their table and tapped Lily on the shoulder. He had a straight face on but Peter could feel the contempt coming off of him being this close to James and Sirius, who he kept shooting angry glances at. Thankfully they were both too engrossed in their conversation to even notice him.

“Hey Sev. What’s up? Sit down with us”

Severus looked at the group with disgust then shook his head.

“No thank you. I was actually wondering if you wanted to come to the owlery with me”

“Sure. Sounds fun I can send a letter to Tuney” She said standing up. Her butterfly flew around her head happily. “Remus don’t you have a letter to send as well”

Remus looked up too. “Oh yes. I’ll come with you.” Remus said standing up.

Severus gave him a look that said very clearly that Severus didn’t want Remus to come, but Lily smiled at Remus and him so Severus made a forced smile that disappeared as soon as Lily and Remus turned to head out.

“Ugh. He’s so creepy. No wonder he’s in Slytherin” James said beside him looking at where Remus, Lily and Severus had exited.

“Speaking of creepy Slytherins” Sirius said pointing over James’s shoulder to a blonde witch in Slytherin robes walking towards the Gryffindor table. She was slender and blonde, with perfect posture. She seemed to look down on everyone she walked by even though she couldn’t have been past 4th year herself. Her daemon was a pale white snake with red eyes that had wrapped itself tight around her neck like a scaly choker necklace.

“Who’s that” Peter asked.

“My bossy cousin”

She stopped in front of Sirius and cleared her throat. Sirius however rolled his eyes and went back to his pudding.

“What do you want Sissy?”

Sissy, the girl looked down at Sirius with a sympathetic look.

“Aunt Walburga has asked I talk to you in private. The girl said. She had the same French accent Sirius had, but it sounded softer and more polished like Sirius’s mom.

“Whatever the old bag has to say she can say it herself. She obviously has no problem telling the world”

“Sirius please. Don’t be a child”

“Whatever you have to say you can say it here”

“Sirius you know I can’t, now come along.” She turned gracefully her carefully braided hair whipping around her back as she walked away.

Sirius sighed dramatically then stood up.

“Duty calls apparently” He said sarcastically. “If I go missing, I leave noting to no one”, and with that he stalked off after the girl.

Sirius

Sirius was apathetic about whatever it was Sissy wanted, although he had a good idea what this was about. However, if his mom had contacted her it probably wasn’t good news. They wanted someone and Sissy loved being the bearer of bad news. She was always the goody two shoes, always tattling on him. She was even worse than Regulus.

When they got into the entryway Sissy led him towards the dungeons where it was quiet and no students were walking nearby. She put her hand on his arm and made Sirius walk alongside her. Maybe it would be a nice gesture if it wasn’t for what followed.

“Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion have asked me to pass on the families remedy to your…. Indiscretion.”

“Ya? and what’s that?” Sirius asked trying to keep the hostility out of his tone.

“That you will remain in Gryffindor only if you can agree not to consort with half bloods and mud bloods. Gryffindor is full of them, and you will not allow them to taint your reputation.”

“My reputation?”

“Yes, your reputation, because whether you like it or not you are the heir to the house of Black, and therefore what you do will reflect on the whole family”

“I don’t care about this stupid blood nonsense” Sirius said pulling away from Sissy feeling annoyed.

“It is not nonsense Sirius, It is very much the opposite. The Blacks are the most powerful of the sacred 28. What we do sets the course for the future of our families. We can’t let lesser wizards work their way into our ranks and taken it down, like a disease slowly killing the tree from the inside out.”

“What a load of ….”

“Sirius. This is not a joke, and this wasn’t a request. Uncle Orion was clear. You are not to consort with anyone who isn’t a pureblood. If other families saw the Black heir consorting with filth, they’ll think our family is weak. Andromeda and I are to make sure you listen, it’s not just your head on the chopping block Sirius.”

“Fine. Is that all” Sirius said now inpatient.

“Yes” Sissy said with a forced calm voice.

“Good” and with that Sirius stormed off.

James

“Mate, where were you?” James asked when he came into the dorm. Sirius was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. Fid was currently back to snake form, he wound around the bed post slithering up.

“I came right back up. Didn’t feel like finishing desert”

“Huh. Want to talk about it?” James said sitting down beside him on the bed. Bahadurr morphed into a kestrel and flew up onto the top of the bed and looked down at Fid head moving side to side regarding him.

“Just family stuff”

“Something tells me family stuff isn’t normal family stuff.”

Sirius just grunted in agreement. James laid back on the bed with him.

It was quiet for a bit. They both just listened to the sounds of the win blowing around the tower and the sound of people chattering down in the common room and in the stairwell.

“Sissy told me I wasn’t allowed to hang around muggle born and half blood. Said it would make the Blacks look weak or something.” Sirius said it low as if someone might overhear them even though they were alone in the room.

James just grunted out loud. He wasn’t surprised. He knew how most pureblood families thought. That was exactly the reason why his mother and father kept clear of them.

“It’s so stupid” Was all Sirius said after a long pause. James could tell Sirius was deep in thought. James waited a bit before speaking up.

“My dad says that wizards would be extinct if we didn’t marry muggles.”

James jumped up as Sirius started cackling like a mad man. James didn’t know what to do so he waited for Sirius to stop laughing and sat up beside him on the bed.

“I think your dad is right. Maybe my families too inbred to think properly. Either that or their heads are so far up their arses they can’t see past their gloomy manors and stuffy social groups”

“You know what I think.” James said and Sirius turned to him attentive to hear what James had to say. “I think bugger the lot of them. You’re a Gryffindor now.”

[jbhenwiler]

David & the Crystal Gems in... Hands off, Blue Diamond!

David and the Crystal Gems in... Hands Off, Blue Diamond!

A heartbeat can be heard.  David is fast asleep in a black void.  The camera zooms out a little.  David wakes up and looks around, confused and slightly annoyed at the loud heartbeat permeating the environment.

David: OK... This isn't one of my usual nightmares.  Where's all the destruction and Gems trying to kill me?  The heartbeat kinda creeps me out though.

David stands and walks around.  The environment, or lack thereof, begins to remind him of the dream-world he met his mother in a month ago.

David: Mom?  Is this one of your attempts to communicate with me??  'Cause honestly, this isn't really making me feel good.

No one responds, but the heartbeat remains.

David: Ugh.  I hate uncertainty.  At least my normal nightmares were entertaining, and I knew what was going on.  What exactly am I supposed to do here!?  Maybe I should try waking up.

David pinches his arm.  Nothing happens.

David: Right.  That doesn't usually work in my other dreams either.  Come to think of it, where did I fall asleep anyway?  I don't remember what happened before I got here...

Suddenly, a loud rumbling and shaking shocks the area.  David's heart skips a beat and he goes into fight-or-flight, and chooses flight.  He takes off at top speed in a random direction.  He can't tell where the sounds are coming from.  A light pierces the blackness in front of him.

David: That had better be an exit.

The scene abruptly changes to show Blue Diamond cradling a sleeping David to her chest.  A heartbeat can be heard coming from her body.  David is stirring.  Then he wakes up with a start.  Immediately he sees that he is not on the ground, that he had been sleeping in a Diamond's hands, causing his heart to stop.  He looks up and sees Blue Diamond staring straight down at him, a curious look on her face, turning to confusion when she sees David's face, which displayed abject terror towards her.  David begins violently trembling with fear, but also a rage within him caused him to lash out and yell:

David: Blue &#*$& Diamond, put me down this instant!!!!

Blue Diamond, startled at the human's outburst, obliges and sets David down on the floor next to a dumbstruck Steven sitting on his bed.  The camera quickly zooms out to show that they were in Steven's room on Homeworld.

Blue Diamond: I thought you told me that making a blood-pump inside my form would help keep him calm?

Steven: I really thought it would help.  (David turns to Steven with a very confused face, then his rage came back.)

David: *#*#($#) Steven!  When I asked for a pick-me-up, this isn't what I meant!!

Steven: Sorry, David.  Blue wanted to have some human interaction, and well, you're the only human we could get.

David: So you had fifty feet of human KILLING machine pretend to be my bed!?

Blue Diamond: I have never killed humans.

David: (Cold expression) Where I come from you do.

Steven: ...OK guys, let's all calm down a bit.  David, I really should have thought this through a bit more.  That being said, when are you going to stop blaming these Diamonds for what a parallel version of them did in another universe?

David: I don't blame them.  I acknowledge these Diamonds aren't actively enslaving us, but still, they look exactly like themselves; can you blame me for wanting to keep my distance from them?

Blue Diamond: Your fear of us is so strong...  And I can see where you get that fear.

David: (Yawns) Why am I still tired?

Steven: You were only asleep for about ten minutes.

David: Steven?  Can I borrow your bed?

Steven: Sure.

David got onto the Pebble-made facismimile of Steven's old bed and instantly went back to slumbering...

Just as instantly as he fell asleep, he fell into another nightmare, this time a more familiar one.  He was in the ashen ruins of Henleaf Town, in front of where his house used to stand.

David: Ugh... This place again...

Suddenly, Blue Diamond appeared.  Though instead of an angry and hostile expression like she usually had in his nightmares, her face showed concern.  Then, she did something that really shocked David.  She shape-shifted down to human size, and began to directly approach David.

David: Why did you just do that!?  You're supposed to be stomping on me right now!

Blue Diamond: I'm not that Diamond.

David quickly gets what she means.  Steven's Blue Diamond had followed him into his dreams.

David: (His face freezing into a dark and ice-cold expression) What right do you POSSIBLY have to be here?

Blue Diamond: What is this place?  Is this Earth?  Earth doesn't usually look like this... What happened here?

David: (His rage ever building) You wanna know what happened here?  Your SISTER happened here.  Her armies burned my home and every other human in this town TO THE GROUND.

Blue Diamond: That must have been terrible...

David: That's cheap coming from you.  The Diamonds never cared about us, unless we're DYING for their benefit.

Blue Diamond: I care about you.  Steven very much cares about you.  Please stop shutting your pain in like this-- Nothing good can come of it!  (She notices a bone sticking out of the ashes and starts approaching it.  David abruptly runs up to her and forcefully shoves her away.)

Blue Diamond: What the-- What was that for!?

David: Stay out!  Especially you!  This place is sacred to me!

Blue Diamond: Whose body frame is that?  Was it someone important to you?

David's wall of anger quickly shatters and he falls to his knees, tears beginning to fall from his cheeks.

David: T-that... WAS my mom...  (Sobs)

Blue Diamond: (Notes to herself that she hadn't seen someone break down that quickly unless she had been using her powers, which she hadn't been here) Your mother...  You must miss her...  I know what losing a loved one feels like.  Our Pink...

David: (Sobbing between words) Don't.  Don't invoke her name like that.  Your pain can't possibly equate to mine.  You lost ONE family member... (Scream-crying the following line) TRY LOSING THE ONLY FAMILY YOU HAD LEFT!!

Blue Diamond slowly and cautiously approaches the violently sobbing human and kneels down in front of him, then embraces him in a hug.  David doesn't even try to fight her off.

Blue Diamond: Don't human caretakers usually come in gender pairs?  What happened to your male parent?

David: (Now choking back even more tears) I thought you were trying to make me feel better!?

Blue Diamond: Was that the wrong thing to ask?  Did a Gem kill him too?

David: (Now beginning to calm down a bit, as he is starting to burn out of his emotional strength)  No... A Gem didn't get him.  My dad died in a car crash when I was really young...  All I remember is my mom crying and hugging me at the hospital... She told me it was just me and her then... Now she's gone too...  (Sniffles)

Blue Diamond: Humans live such short lives... They really shouldn't be spent grieving.  Come, David, let's go someplace happier.  (Takes David by the hand and they both get up)

The environment blurs as the human and the Diamond walk through the desolate landscape, and as if they had stepped back in time, they arrived in David's hometown before it had been destroyed.  It is the height of autumn, and Henleaf Town's famous foliage was in full swing.

Blue Diamond: (Taken aback by the scenery) This place... It's so beautiful...  Is this what this area looked like before Gems destroyed it?

David: (Nods with a somber look on his face)

Blue Diamond: (Sees all the humans bustling about) And all the people...?

David: Only one living thing made it out of here, and you're looking at him.

Blue Diamond: For what it's worth, David, I apologize for what my parallel self did to your planet.  Nothing this pretty should be reduced to ashes...

David: (Looks Blue right in the eye, an almost youthful sparkle in them, and a pure, understanding expression on his face) You know what, Blue?  I'll believe you.  And I forgive you... One one condition.

Blue Diamond: And what is that, David?

David: Never do any of this to me again.  No entering my dreams, and definitely no holding me when I'm sleeping; that really creeped me out.

Blue: Very well, it's a deal.

David and Blue Diamond hug again, and they both wake up.

Steven: Sooo... How did it go?

David: Wha-- This was your idea too, kid!?

Blue Diamond: I feel we made a connection.  Didn't we, little one?

David: As Diamonds go... She's alright.  Just one thing, Steven... Where are we?  I think I got sleep amnesia or something.

Steven:  This is the Gem Homeworld!  You asked to come here!  It's kinda shocking that you forgot that, hopefully that wasn't a side effect of the long-distance warp... We should look into that.

David: Why DID I want to come to Gem City??  This warp-lag is really starting to worry me.

Steven: A tour of Homeworld, guided by none other than Blue herself!  And me of course.  But you got all woozy as soon as we landed, and Blue had to carry you to my room, where you dropped dead as a doornail.  On that note, maybe it WAS the warping that did that...  That's not good.

David: Oh, I remember now!  Blue, let's go right now!  I wanna see EVERYTHING!  I gave you that tour of my mind, so now you have to give me a tour of your place!

Blue Diamond: (Laughs) Very well, David.  Let's go.

Episode End.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X17

I liked this episode, thought I understand why a lot of people didn’t. Meredith was drastically under used in this episode. She only had a few scenes and outside of standalone episodes, which this one was not, that rarely happens.

Meredith has an interesting monologue this week. It also serves as a handy reminder of what a terrible mother Ellis was. Bailey says a big fat ‘Nope’ to the lamb in the bag. We all concur. Meredith and DeLuca’s interactions at the beginning of the episode imply that Meredith and DeLuca briefly break up and are now getting back together. Ugh I wish they would stay broken up!

Meredith gives him a coffee as a peace offering implying that she was wrong to agree with Carina and raise the alarm about his Dad’s project. Meredith wasn’t wrong. Just because DeLuca’s Dad might be right about this project doesn’t change what he did. Ugh. I already hate this storyline.

The interns/residents are cutting into fish. Yuck. That was an awful transition. Parker’s back though! I like him. Are they interns or residents? They keep flipping back and forth with the terminology. I love Schmitt’s line, “We’re making fish people!” Haha! It turns out the fish skin is for a burn patient. It's a really cool and inexpensive procedure.

Maggie is invited to a Morning Show to talk about the scandal. I predicted this was going to be a shit show and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t. Jackson is wonderfully supportive! Bailey goes and talks to Alex about DeLuca’s Dad’s project. She raises the questions we’ve all been asking. Helm comes and tells them they need to go the lab. Alex and Bailey show up to find the DeLuca’s arguing in Italian. This can’t be good.

It turns out one of the lambs died and it throws the viability of the project into doubt. Alex tells them to stop arguing and tells Carina and Andrew to figure out what happened and write a report and give it to him so he can make a decision. Carina stresses once more that their father is not well and this project is not a good idea. DeLuca ignores her. Carina’s right. DeLuca’s being a blind fool.

One thing that caught my attention when DeLuca and Carina were arguing in front of Alex is that Alex approved their father’s project even though he knew he was mentally ill, did not have a diagnosis, and is not receiving treatment. Why wasn’t DeLuca’s Dad seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis a condition of him doing the project here? It seems to me that would have cleared a lot of things up and been a lot more realistic.

We then cut to Teddy and Owen talking in the ambulance bay as they wait for an incoming trauma. As usual Owen is a complete asshole. He’s passive aggressive and disrespectful to Teddy like he is to all of the women in his life. Teddy should not have to put up with his crap. Owen then decides to have a conversation with himself and Teddy says nothing, but he keeps acting like she is. He needs to see a therapist about this. Stat.

The patients in this episode are a married couple that are involved in a car wreck. The man has less serious injuries that can be easily treated. The woman is a different story. Her injuries are more severe and she’s 5 months pregnant. My heart really hurt for this poor couple. Teddy and Owen are assigned to the case. Teddy brings Carina in to help with the pregnant woman.

Carina tells her the baby is fine, but then Teddy asks to speak with her outside. It turns out Teddy has to give the patient bad news and Carina didn’t realize. They might have to do an operation which would result in the removal of her uterus which means the fetus/baby would have to be taken out. It’s too early in the pregnancy for the baby to survive and the fact that Carina told her the baby would be fine makes it so much harder for Teddy to tell her and for the patient to hear the news.

Amelia goes to a conference about alternative pain relief. Also she cut her hair! She looks gorgeous! Link also cut his hair. They’re accidentally at the conference together. Hilarity ensues. They have some great awkward scenes together. Amelia and Link keep running into each other awkwardly and it’s a joy to watch. They go to this weird sound bath and it makes Amelia literally dizzy. She wants to sit down and Link says they should find somewhere to sit, but Amelia decides to sit on the floor in the hallway of their hotel because she’s real like that.

Amelia confides in him about how much she misses Betty and how doesn’t know if she’s okay. Everything feels unfinished as Cristina would say. She thinks she sounds like a mess, but Link says she sounds like a parent. He’s also hilarious and they almost kiss or go back to one of their rooms, but Amelia pulls back and declines. She realizes it’s too soon to get into a new relationship and Link’s into it but not if she isn’t. Amelia does not know what to do with herself. It is very confusing for Link.

It turns out Link’s talk is about opioids in medicine. He talks about a young patient he had and what he prescribed him and what happened. It ended badly and then he says he would prescribe the opioids again. Amelia walks out. This is why Link did not want her to come to his talk. This episode is painful in so many ways.

Jo’s gotten her DNA test results back. She’s nervous and wants Maggie to help her open them because as someone who is adopted she’s gone through a similar thing. They do this in the tech room while Parker is looking at some scans. In real life they would not be doing this with Parker present. Jo’s negative for most of the scary stuff ie. Alzheimer’s and Parkinsons. I love Jo’s line, “It says here I’m mostly British!” Haha! This joke is so meta it works! Jo’s the best!

Jo finds out she has a first cousin whose also done the DNA test. Now she’s curious. Parker offers to help find her. She’s conflicted. Later, Maggie does the Morning Show at the hospital. It’s actually goes pretty well. Jo comes to talk to her and winds up talking to Jackson. She gets no answers on whether or not to look up her birth mother.

Meanwhile Webber comes to talk to Jackson and finds out why they are using the fish skin. Webber asks what they did with the rest of the fish and Jackson says it’s medical waste now which makes literally no sense. Why is Jackson wasting perfectly good fish when he was eating fish on a boat last season? His character makes no sense sometimes.

Bailey and Helen met in the cafeteria. It’s very cute. Helen wants to go home but she’s scared to make the journey. She doesn’t know how to tell Alex. She’s knitting a very long thing. Owen spends most of the episode being a worry wart and Teddy’s got no time for it. Like a badass.

Teddy falls asleep while watching over her patient. The patient goes into distress but she’s so tired with the pregnancy that she sleeps through it. Teddy wakes up and realizes her patient needs to be operated on.

DeLuca and his Dad are in the lab. His Dad says that Carina’s turned on him. DeLuca calls him on his BS. He finds out that Carina has a patient whose baby won’t survive. Next we find out that he went behind Carina and Teddy’s backs to talk to the patient and her husband. That’s a big no no! The procedure has only been barely tested on lambs, not people.

Meredith comes to check out Jackson’s cool new procedure. They chat. Jackson references DeLuca as her boyfriend. To which Meredith responds, “He’s not my boyfriend.” Yeaaah! Music to my ears! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again I feel like to Meredith, DeLuca is a hot date and someone she’s having fun with. To DeLuca, Meredith is the love of his life. Jackson says that Maggie and Richard think DeLuca is her boyfriend, but Meredith doesn’t see it that way. Very telling. I love Meredith’s line, “Hey! Can he breathe underwater?” Haha!

Bailey and Alex have some truth talk about mental illness, prejudice, and the necessity of treatment. DeLuca finally sees Carina’s point about their Dad. We see DeLuca’s Dad breaking things. This is what Carina was trying to tell everybody. He promised the patient something they can’t deliver and now they have to tell her they can’t. This is heartbreaking to watch. This part had me tearing up. This one hits close to home for me. It makes me grateful that I’m alive and my Mom is alive and that our medical team was able to save us 26 years ago. Not everyone gets lucky.

After Teddy and Alex have to tell the patient and her husband the terrible news Teddy leaves because she needs a minute. Owen follows her and asks if she’s okay. What kind of stupid question is that? Is she okay? Owen in what universe would Teddy be okay right now? Teddy breaks down and collapses in Owen’s arms. He comforts her. At which point Tom comes down the hallway and sees them. He cut his trip short to come see her and that’s what he finds. Great. Now he’s got the wrong idea.

This is just unnecessary drama. Alex pulls DeLuca’s Dad’s funding for obvious reasons. He argues and blames everyone. Carina has had enough. She’s out. It’s a good think Alex is used to this kind of thing. Other people might crack under the pressure or the shock. After him and Carina leave Alex looks at DeLuca. Alex’s face is all ‘Really bitch?’.

Webber’s does a fish fry on the roof with the tilapia! Aw Helen made Bailey a hat! Alex talked to his Mom and Bailey was right. He’s going to fly back with his Mom to Iowa. Back at the conference Amelia is packing up when Link comes to her door and says she missed the best part. We get more of Link’s back story. His young patient Jason died in a car wreck under the influence after Link prescribed him opioids for his pain. After Jason died he quick medicine and went to work in a bike shop. He eventually got mad at a system that wasn’t working and got back into medicine.

Amelia gets it now. He says that maybe they can fight to change the system together. Him for Jason. Her for Betty. He was going to say they could be Batman and Robin, but then he realizes they’re both Batman. So he says Batman and Batman. I dig it. She tells him she’s in a weird place. He says, “I can roll with weird.” I love him!

He asks her to dinner. She says yes then decides screw it and kisses him instead. Link is very sweet. He takes a step back and says he feels like he’s taking advantage of her because she’s in a weird place and he finds her insanely pretty. Amelia decides to go for it anyway because she wants to and Link’s into it. As she says, “The feeling is mutual.”

Amelia makes it clear this is a one night stand. He’s cool with that. But we all know that the people who have one night stands on this show wind up married so ... Get it Amelia! Yeah! Cut to the hospital. Jackson made a merman today so him and Maggie are getting it on! Helen says goodbye to Jo and her and Alex head out for their flight. This hug between Jo and Helen is everything!

Meredith comes to see DeLuca. She knows the project isn’t going well, but doesn’t know its been scrapped. They were supposed to go have sex at his place so that’s why she’s there. DeLuca is extremely immature and stupid as usual. He tells her to go ahead and say ‘I told you so’. Because apparently he thinks Meredith is the kind of person to say I told you so in a situation like this. She calls him on the fact that she’s not and it bothers her that he thinks she would.

Just another example of how he doesn’t know her at all and how wrong for each other they are. He’s so immature! Also Derek did this a lot and Cristina frequently called him out on it. Meredith does NOT need more of that BS in her life. We also find out that DeLuca’s Dad is going back to Italy. That was fast! There’s a nice shot of all of the former and current Chiefs of Surgery. Jo’s made a decision. She asks Parker to find her birth mother. It turns out Parker already did. Her name is Vicki Rudin. She lives in Pittsburg. Jo was not expecting that!

Well that was interesting! It was a darker episode for sure. Now onto next week’s promo! Next week is all about tension! DeLuca and Meredith are awkward and avoiding each other. Yes!!!!! Please break up! Bailey, Maggie, Quadri, and Schmitt are some kind of badass dream team! Amelia says she and Link should avoid each other for a while. He says okay in a very sexy way. My guess is they hook up before the end of the episode! Owen is being a jerk and wants to get back together with Teddy now that Amelia’s out of the picture. Sigh. He never learns. I hope Teddy doesn’t take him back. She deserves better.

Tom lays down the law!!! He tells Owen if he’s going to make a play for Teddy he should rethink that because he’s going to fight for her! Yes! Go Tom! He previously told Amelia that letting his wife walked out his life into the arms of another man after they lost their son was one of his biggest regrets in life. He’s not going to make the same mistake twice.

That’s all folks! Until next time.

Au revoir!

[eclecticsoftgrungeaestheticzine]

It's amazing how some lessons to learn again

So just before I became homeless I received a call from the high school friends who informed me that a mutual friend of ours was having a hard time because his father had died who had been his best friend,

I hadn't spoken this individual for more than 15 years because he's not mentally well.

But feeling compassion for a circumstance I went to visit

And found that he had suffered a stroke from his alcoholism and drug use

His mother was decided himself

" I'm 82 years old and this is supposed to be my time to live for me but he has a little called bell next to the bed demanding I bring him cereal or juice or whatever it is you want he's going to drive me into an early grave"

Knowing them for as long as I had I was very saddened by the circumstance and decided I might be able to lend a hand doing the things around the house he no longer could

He was always giving to random comments so when he accused me of having an addiction to pornography it kind of made me laugh because what the hell would he know about it I hadn't seen him in almost 15 years and as a point in fact

No one watched more adult content in this guy I mean it was always on

And shortly thereafter he began repeatedly commenting about an interest in sleeping with a 10-year-old girl, which , I felt compelled to just ignore him because it was so outlandish I thought maybe he was just running his mouth like once again he had tended to do but he repeated it multiple times forcing me ultimately to post it on Facebook that his neighbors should be careful with their kids around him

That was 5 years ago

And I am currently embroiled in a controversy of his making on those very same subjects that he had premeditated the accusation of

It was why he mentioned it

Not only has he suggested or supported the belief that I'm addicted to pornography he has also insisted some intimate knowledge of who I am or my particular interest

To insist to a group of his friends that it is I not he who is the pedophile which is breathtaking to me.

And it just occurred to me what should be obvious

Some of you clowns believe it, and it's not because you know me it's because you think you know him.

Well let me tell you something no one knows Fred the dick head like I do

He's the only guy I've ever known at 20 to be dating a 13 year old and found out almost immediately and decided oh well we're already having sex so why should I stop

He's the only one whose parents knew that she was a 13 year old girl and had no problem with him raping her on a daily basis in their home

He's the only person I've ever met who dated a woman for 20 years and then started mentioning an attraction to the daughter she had that he watched grow up into a young lady and had no problem discussing his intent to try to seduce her right Infront of her mother

Or under her nose so to speak

And he's the only grown man I've ever seen respond to the insensitivity of a 5-year-old to his paralyzed condition,

Asking him

Dang you still in that chair man ?

To turn around and aggressively look to bully the child I mean this is a 50-year-old guy picking on a 5-year-old because the child made him mad.

You suckers LOL I've seen him in his role playing mode where he's just the most wonderful kind-hearted friendly loving guy in the world for about 5 and 1/2 minutes I think after that his head will explode if he had to keep it up it's all bullshit all of it

He has tried to insist to me that he acted out of sincerity but, how do you decide someone has a porn addiction when you haven't seen or spoken to them in 15 years

More likely something happened that made him need a scapegoat and he had his friend call me to tell me that his dad died knowing I would come over to see what's up with him because he had planned this all along

You know what

It's not my fault if there are a lot of people out there too stupid to figure out his bullshit but I would encourage you to speak to all three of my kids and their mothers

I may not have been a great partner

But I was a very dedicated father

[mc-dude]

gabe hc

im making a list of gabe hc that i have thought of in the past few days for future reference if i ever start to write some gabe fics or somethin

gabe’s go-to order at starbucks (which im assuming will survive into the year 2050 bc.. y’know.. coffee is eternal) is pumpkin spice latte during the fall, green tea latte the rest of the year. he likes his fukin sugary drinks and when someone tells him they thought he would like black coffee like all those soldier types he sips on his latte and raises an eyebrow and deadpans ‘that’s racist’

ive embraced the fandom hc that gabe is always cold. im from cali and am also always cold. my anecdotal evidence is pilin up. beneath his wrinkled faded motorhead hoodie is another, equally faded and wrinkled band hoodie. when jack wants him to get naked it takes him like 10 minutes to get all the layers off

wears his beanie partially bc his ears are cold but mostly because he just doesn’t have the gotdamn time to fix his hair in the morning so he just shoves a beanie on his head and calls it a day. on the rare occasion where he has the time to style his hair people are Stunned

gabe is a super sarcastic asshole but will only joke around with you if he trusts you, which leads to a lot of scenarios where someone tries to shittalk with gabe and he just turns to them very slowly and menacingly ‘.. what did you say’ ‘i- i didn’t-’ ‘... im just fucking with u lol’

doesn’t like being called gabe unless its from people that he knows really well. ‘that’s sir to u’

the longest HC i have which i was gonna write as a fic but probably never will is that gabe wasn’t actually bitter abt jack getting command of overwatch over him, in fact he was kind of relieved because he hates being in the spotlight. he’s proud of his boo and lets him know it all the time when jack’s feeling insecure. i hc (and theorize) that the most likely scenario to turn gabe against jack was talon infiltration overwatch from the beginning.

it starts off with just little things- scheduling changes so gabe is cut off from his team he had during the omnic crisis. talon basically chooses him as the greatest potential asset and tries to prey on his insecurities as much as possible to turn him against jack (who is his life partner & love so it’s gonna take a while)

moira was a plant by talon from the get-go whose mission was to try and corrupt gabe and isolate him as much as possible. mccree and genji sort of stave off the isolation for a while but being separated from jack, ana, reinhardt & co really starts to weigh on him. his insecurities start to spring back up– they’re all too busy for him, they got better shit to be doing than to come see how their old commander is doing, etc. :( it’s exactly what talon wants; him to feel isolated, to start feeling a little bit bitter. they can foster that bitterness into what they need.

there’s a mission where mccree loses his arm (he was only 19) and gabe takes it really hard– he blames himself, wishes he could have been faster, stronger etc. moira uses this opportunity to introduce the possibility of genetic experimentation, tells him with her unorthodox methods he could be faster, could better protect his team and the people he cares about.

gabe thinks about it for a long time, and he really wants to ask jack what he thinks but he hasn’t talked to jack for a long time–he’s been stationed out in god knows where for months. he doesn’t have anyone to confide in, doesn’t want to burden anyone when he’s such a failure, so he accepts. this gives talon direct access to mold gabe however they want.

he degenerates slowly over time, becoming more and more of a ‘monster’ in his eyes but it’s all worth it for him because no one else has gotten hurt on his watch, just him. he’s pleased with the results in terms of efficiency and allows moira to keep on doing her experiments. he reasons that if SEP and the omnic crisis didn’t kill him, a few little experiments won’t either. he hides his new abilities from jack and the rest of his friends because he doesn’t want them to see him like this.

after a year or two of genetic altering the widowmaker incident occurs. talon has gained the ability to completely brainwash someone and remold them to how they like. widowmaker was a test, one that succeeded, and gabe is the final target.

all the meanwhile moira is saying tiny things, just little mentions like ‘looking a bit monstrous today, aren’t we?’ to get it in gabe’s head, to make him think he’s a monster. it starts to work. during her sessions she introduces phase 2 of his genetic altering, which includes, unbeknownst to gabe, the start of a long brainwashing regime prescribed by talon. they don’t want to do it all at once, they want to keep overwatch functioning in their best interests for as long as possible

he begins to lose things-- he’ll find himself standing somewhere he doesn’t remember going, doing something he doesn’t remember starting, and it freaks him out. he thinks it’s a side effect of his genetic altering and confronts moira, who feigns concern and promises to figure it out. little does gabe know but moira is being funded on the side by talon during all of this on the condition that gabe be delivered when he’s ready to work under talon.

gabe becomes more paranoid the longer the momentary lapses in his memory goes on. he feel like he needs help but none of his friends call him, no one checks on him. he’s been purposefully isolated from everyone and the walls start to close in around him. he hates what he’s become, finds himself ghosting as a bunch of particles more often, finds it harder to keep his form.

one defining moment is when he goes to speak to jack after not remembering the last few hours and waking up in a panic. he has to tell him that something’s wrong. but jack has a meeting, he promises they’ll talk afterwards, says he misses him, etc. and walks away, right when gabe needed him the most. gabe realises that he’s alone.

he knows talon is planning something. they’ve been increasing their presence lately and he knows they have an informer somewhere in overwatch. he doesn’t suspect his team because he trusts them; they’ve been here for so long, it couldn’t possibly be them. he gets a nagging sensation that something big is about to happen, something is going to go Down- has some half-remembered dream of someone planning something (which is a memory from a talon meeting he attended when he was in a brainwashing episode) and so he sends genji and mccree away on some bullshit mission; it’s the only thing he can do. he tries to see jack one more time but he’s not due back until tomorrow.

talon brainwashes him into planting the bomb in the swiss hq. they recover him from the carnage, brainwash him into thinking that it was mercy who did this to him and not moira (which explains all of his voice lines in game); that overwatch left him to die alone and forgotten. that jack was against him. he’s lost everything and everyone, and he works with talon willingly, memories of his past life almost forgotten but still there, like some half-remembered dream.

ITS ALL VERY TRAGIC OKAY BASICALLY gabe really needed help but talon made is so that he was completely isolated from all of his support while simultaneously turning him into a vapeman

gabe family HC:

gabe has 3 sisters. idk why this is widely accepted as canon in fandom but i like it so i accept it in my heart. he would die for all of them and would sew them shit all the time back at home. his dad died when he was young and his mom and grandmother raised him while he helped to raise his sisters.

this also makes me have feelings for that christmas comic where gabe is stalking that family in the rain because in my mind he’s vaguely remembering some sort of family but can’t remember the specifics and it makes his heart ache

gabe was part of the theatre club in high school and always hung out at the skatepark doing tricks on his shitty 2nd-hand bmx bike

gabe joined the military so that they would pay for his college. he majored in design, but decided to stay in the military after because he realises that he’s good at what he does and he can make a difference. he gets promoted quickly bc of his tactical genius and is quickly nominated for SEP. he accepts because of the war he can see brewing and the shitstorm he knows is about to come. he hates being separated from his family and not being able to contact them

gonna add more later when i think abt them

[aftgficlibrary]

Soulmates

Apparently it was meant to be (Note: this post was long so it for now only includes completed fics. Will be updated when others are completed)

last updated: 31 January 2019

Coming Home by wesawbears (T | 1,235 | 1/1)

Kevin, Jean, and Jeremy are all born with two soulmate marks instead of one. It takes them a while to find each other.

Falls by nekojita for ApprenticedMagician (M |  7,002 | 1/1)

Nathaniel ends up at Edgar Allan/the Nest after all, and what helps him through everything (Tetsuji's abusive demands, RIKO, being pushed to his limits to be the best) is often the dreams he has of the young French boy whose name is embellished on his wrist - Jean. The boy whom his mother told him to never mention to anyone, especially his father.

So what happens when that boy ends up at Evermore one day?

A soul mate/Neil/Jean fic for apprenticedmagician on Tumblr for ATFG_Exchange's winter gift exchange.

Your Face by lanalua (T | 1,464 | 1/1)

Each of Andrew's drawings of his soulmate is different: different haircut, hair color, eye color... That can't be good. 

this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart by giucorreias (Not Rated | 483 | 1/1)

it's the small details

I felt your pain when you were gone byElfo98 (G | 3,533 | 1/1)

Another Soulmate AU where Neil and Andrew can feel each other's pain and how the Foxes find out.

Or: my take on the Baltimore incident because I can't seem to get enough of it.

Paint Splatter Freckles and Godly Go Fishby Issylang for quensty (G | 1,115 | 1/1)

"When Jean was younger, much younger, he would sit in his mother’s lap while she traced the sun on his left shoulder blade and sang love songs in soft French. He would stare at the black heart on her wrist, the one that perfectly matched his father’s, and imagine the little girl that shared his sun. When Jeremy was very little his mom and dad would corral him and his older sister into the living room after dinner. With a child in each lap, they would recount the history of soulmates; how Zeus, in fear of their power, had split the people of earth in half, and they were destined to spend the rest of their lives in search for their other half. How, in a moment of kindness, Zeus had marked the pairs, so that they could follow their symbol to their other half." Just a cute, short Jerejean Soul mate au. 

Marked by beautifulmagick (G | 1,164 | 1/1)

Neil Josten's soulmate mark is on his shoulder. Andrew can never forget that.

Empty Kiss by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot) for ApprenticedMagician (M | 1,987 | 1/1)

Based on a Tumblr prompt for an empty kiss.

met you in the dark (you lit me up) byharrytomlinsonwhoops (M | 3,085 | 1/1)

it starts like this:

the elevator doors are closing, and aaron, after seeing one of the cheerleaders inside, doesn't bother running for it.

she holds the door for him anyway. she's got curly hair, and dark brown skin. her eyes are a bright green that he doesn't expect when she stares down at him. she's half a head taller, but he finds that he doesn't mind looking up to her.

"hello," she says, her eyes lighting up, and aaron thinks: oh. oh no.

a memory unrepressed by orphan_account (T | 7,387 | 1/1)

“So, what, you think I’m real, you’re real? That we’ve somehow… I don’t know, astral projected to this place?”

“I don’t know what I think,” Thea said slowly, a strain on her voice as if she hated to admit it.

“Well, the sun is– Fuck.”

“What?” Thea looked around as well, then froze.

There was no sun. There were no clouds. No shadows. It was indisputably light out, as if it were day, but the light seemed to have no source.

Groaning, Dan buried her face in her hands. “What is this, I don’t like it.”

let me love the pain you're going through by MadHatterNO7 (T | 1,526 | 1/1)

Neil remembers his mother saying, "Soulmates don’t exist. They aren’t real. They are a burden that would get you killed."

Neil supposes he knows why.

His mother's soulmate was never his father.

Watermark by fairietailed (T | 4,689 | 1/1)

He hops into the kitchen on one foot, catching his mother before she carries the bowl of peas she’s holding into the dining room.

“Jeremy?” Her eyebrows pull together in concern at the look on his face. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” he says, sticking out his foot. “I think it’s my soul mate?”

--

In which bruises and scars from your soulmate appear on your skin, and Jeremy's skin is a myriad of colored stains.

What are you scared of? by shipsgalore (T | 1,704 | 1/1)

“I couldn’t -- you weren’t supposed to be real. I didn’t think that I would ever have somebody love me, Jeremy. I’m just broken. I’m broken and you can’t love something that’s broken.” He wants to take his hand out of Jeremy’s, to end this entire discussion, but the burning of his nerve endings is welcoming. He wants to feel this every day of his life. 

hard to find by jaylocked (M | 3,199 | 1/1)

Jean has learned to hate the letters on his ribs.

He can remember a time before, back when he still had the sky above him and his future before him, when the letters fueled his insatiable, childish imagination. But then he lost the sky, lost his future, lost his language, and the letters changed.

accept yourself by jaylocked (T | 6,498 | 1/1)

In which Jeremy Knox tries to figure out what soulmates mean in a world of divorced parents, sappy best friends, Exy, and scowling, abused backliners.

My Own by hazelNuts (T | 728 | 1/1)

Andrew doesn't believe in soulmates, so what's the point of having a soulmate mark?

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine by A_Nobelmonster (Not Rated | 839 | 1/1)

Prompt: Andrew and Aaron are platonic soulmates that can feel each others pain.

Pain by ke_xia (M | 810 | /1)

There’d been a point once, when Andrew was a boy, that he’d been told stories of soulmates and had had grand visions of finding his own. Sharing a soul with one person who could feel your pain and whose pain you felt in return- now that felt like true love. And a soulmate had to love you; that was their entire reason for existing. Not like his mom or his dad, whoever they were, nor any number of the foster parents he’d gone through, nor any of the “brothers” and “sisters” he’d had throughout his few years in the system. No, none of them had ever loved him, but there was someone out there, someone who did even though they didn’t even know him yet.

/Graphic Depictions Of Violence /Rape/Non-Con

Exactly by jostenminyard (onceuponahundred) (G | 783 | 1/1)

A soulmate au where all the foxes (minus Nicky). But Neil broke his because its dangerous to love. Andrew broke his because fuck love. Aaron broke his because Andrew made him as part of the promise. Dan broke hers because of the man hating thing. Matt's broke on accident while he was high. Riko forced Kevin to break his. Renee broke hers in the gang. Allison broke hers to piss off her parents and the "I chose this one" thing. Seth broke his because he wasn't gonna let a clock decide his life.

a new kind of grace by starfleetbanana (T | 1,997 | 1/1)

'“You got it wrong, Josten. She keeps me on a leash” She said and left Neil to his own very dramatic and tragic existence.

Allison was fearless and, even though Renee had a soft spot for her foxes, she was deadly and sharp-edged. They fit together like a Swiss knife next to a gun'.

Soulmates AU where they see in black and white until they meet their soulmates and stop seeing colours when they die.

we're here to see the colour grey bystarfleetbanana (E | 2,143 | 1/1)

Neil had grown up sure he was the kind of person who’d never get to see in colour. There were people who spent their entire lives without knowing what colour was like, and he’d already accepted a life on the run wouldn’t give him a chance to even figure out who had made his entire world change.

Soulmates AU where they see in black and white until they meet their soulmates and stop seeing colour when their soulmates die.

when the world turns grey bystarfleetbanana (G | 1,972 | 1/1)

Allison had never seen colour in her life until she'd stepped into the Foxhole Court. But then Seth Gordon died. He’d died and she’d kept dancing in the middle of the dance floor with one of his friends while the colourful lights swirled around them. She’d drunk a blue cocktail and smeared her dark red lipstick on a napkin.

Soulmate AU where they see in black and white until they meet their soulmates and stop when their soulmates die.

with the lights on by starfleetbanana (T | 1,801 | 1/1)

'Medical professionals classify hysterical blindness as “conversion disorder,” a condition that causes you to show psychological stress in a physical manner. While there are many causes of this disorder, most of them point to some type of anxiety or other psychological trauma that triggers this temporary blindness'

'When the haze went away he tried to focus his vision on something more familiar. Everything that surrounded him was a deep shade of black that threatened to swallow him up, and it didn’t take him long to notice he was at Castle Evermore.'

Part of the Soulmates AU where you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate and stop seeing colours when they die.

your crown of thorns holds roses by quensty (T | 4,444 | 1/1)

Three days after he signs his death sentence to Palmetto State, five after Andrew Minyard sends him flying breathless to the ground, Neil's gaze snaps to the locker room mirror and stares, frozen, at the word threat scrawled along his spinal cord in terrifying, heavy bold.

All in all, he isn’t thrilled about the situation this puts him in, but, based off the negative connotation, it isn’t one-sided either. On the bright side, at least this means his soulmate doesn’t harbor any grandeur delusions about him.

Like fields of poppies by A_Nobelmonster (M | 3,340 | 1/1)

Soul mate au . Andrew has always had more dark soul marks than most adults see in their life. He's used to it. Used to a life based on survival . And then he turns fifteen, a red dot appears. the color of a romantic soul mate. Suddenly the thought of living for the person that gave him his mark is the only thing keeping him alive. Just one chance to know the poor fucker meant for him. As usual It's more than he bargains for.

/Rape/Non-Con /Underage /Self-Harm

To die by your side would be such a heavenly way to go by A_Nobelmonster (T | 494 | 1/1)

Short drabble about the beautiful pain of a fictional person made real by his friends love.

/Major Character Death

The Story of My (Loveless) Life byconstellationsofsentences (G | 3,281 | 4/4)

If there's one thing Jean hates more than Riko and the rest of the Ravens, it's his soulmate and their inability to listen to anything but Taylor Swift. Jean thinks his head's going to explode.

starring Jeremy and his basic white girl music.

when the lights go out by flybbfly (T | 1,705 | 1/1)

Neil wakes up gasping in a bed next to Andrew, unsure if in this lifetime they love or hate each other, are meant to murder or save, and Andrew rolls over and presses closer to Neil in his sleep. His armbands, some form of them omnipresent in every lifetime, are poking out from beneath a pillow.

one of many by Saul (T | 2,859 | 1/1)

They first meet in their dreams.

It isn't as miraculous or smooth a transition as the How To Be Fated: A Guide on Soulmates made it out to be.

The mirrors of our skin. by IceBreeze (T | 862 | 1/1)

When night falls, they remind themselves of who they are.

Ask the Messenger by Metis_Ink (T | 32,614 | 5/5)

Jeremy Knox and the soulmate.

Guest starring: Exy, a transfer student, generalized anxiety, older sisters, drunk lesbians, bread, cake, a shed, the beach, the absence of Hennessy, Star Wars, Renee Walker, self-taught smooth talking, gratuitous French, No. 1 Trojans fan Kevin Day, relationship drama, general drama, the power of Friendship, questions, answers, team spirit!, and, of course, romance.

Bleed for you. by IceBreeze (T | 860 | 1/1)

When you meet your soulmate, you get a nosebleed. It makes every meeting messy and leaves little room for subtlety. 

in this world, there's no such thing as soulmates by kwritten for growlery (G | 801 | 1/1)

for the prompt: what disasters we live

Now I'm Covered in the Colors by alaynes (T | 9,752 | 6/6)

Nathaniel Wesninski is six years old when his first soulmate mark comes in. 

A name was just a name until you said it by maeusetod (Not Rated | 5,106 | 1/1)

Andrew Minyard did not believe in fate, but for a moment it seemed fate did believe in him.

Colours by Q_Jem_Bee (T | 2685 | 1/1)

Colours were splashed across your skin at another being's touch: They were the colour of your soul.Neil's was blue, but no one knew that. No one was going to know.

Careful Hands by fairietailed ( M | 13,797 | 4/4)

“You’ll probably never meet them,” his mother said one day at a diner in Texas. It caught him off guard.

“What?”

“You’ll probably never meet them,” she repeated, nodding in the direction of the lilac bruise splashed across his forearm. “Your soulmate. You’ll most likely never live that long.”

“I know,” he said, and hoped that she believed him.

–

In which bruises and scars from your soulmate appear on your skin, and both Neil and Andrew paint each other like a canvas.

/Violence

Crystal Clear by exactly13percent (superagentwolf) ( T | 3,114 | 1/1)

Your crystal is your heart and soul, manifested. You must keep it safe. Neil and Andrew don’t have typical crystals. For one, they aren’t whole. They’re little pieces, broken by years of wrong. But Kevin’s magic shop brings them together, and they figure maybe broken doesn’t mean destroyed.

Marked by justdk ( T | 2,488 | 1/1)

Neil Josten does not believe in soulmates

Empty Kiss (Filling the Void Remix) by Dancyon ( T | 1,604 | 1/1)

Neil sometimes wonders where it all went wrong. (In the quiet spaces between his breath and Andrew’s, he already knows.)

Soulmate au where Neil should really know better.

/Violence

Life After the Fire (The “Like Fields of Poppies” Remix) by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot) for A_Nobelmonster ( T | 2,542 | 1/1)

very first touch leaves a mark, a colour on another’s skin, marks of love or hate, family or anger, friendship or lust. Neil is the boy without colours on his skin, with scars instead of marks. All he wants is to leave his mark, to be real, to be remembered.

/Violence

written in the stars by cloudtalking ( T | 2,095 | 1/1)

this is the boy that turned andrew’s world from night to day. the boy that turned shades of gray to blinding colors, and never seemed to notice nor care.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX!!!!

paint my skin in painful truths by Dancyon ( Not Rated | 1,115 | 1/1)

a world where every time someone touches you, they leave a tiny tattoo that represents you and them and your future. Neil doesn’t remember a lot of good touches, and he doesn’t have a lot of happy tattoos, but with Andrew by his side he thinks he might like himself a little bit more.

This is mostly fluff with some angst, because this is still me.

Black and White until Tonight by booksareourlove for queenofseventeen ( T | 508 | 1/1)

His mother told him colours weren’t real. His mother told him she had never seen the colours of the sky. His mother told him that they were broken. People like them weren’t meant for something as delicate as colours. As soulmates. Colours weren’t real but he would still like to imagine the colours of the sky.

The world is black and white until you meet your soulmate. For some, seeing colour is not like jumping into water, but rather walking through mist until you realise it’s actually raining and your clothes are soaked.

stay as long as you need. by lolainslackss ( T | 2,995 | 1/1)

The soulmate timer counts down to your soulmate’s death. Apparently, Andrew’s soulmate doesn’t have long to live.

in pieces by archieknight ( G | 6,146 | 1/1)

Was it this difficult for everyone, or were they all just so broken that their pieces couldn’t fit the way destiny wanted anymore?

paint my body gold by cave_canem (T | 12,050 | 1/1)

That winter, Jean comes close to his soulmate for the first time in years. He knows this because his side is burning where the mark is branded in his skin. It’s pain unlike anything he’s ever felt: pulsing with his heartbeat and glowing through the skin; almost soft with something like a forgotten childhood memory.

never an empty room by cloudtalking (T | 6,510 | 1/1)

for @kevinyard: a trans neil kandreil soulmate au

soulmate (noun): a person or persons with whom one shares a soul with.

visit (noun): 1. an act of going or coming to see a person or place socially, as a tourist, or for some other purpose. 2. when a soul is stretched thin and snaps closed, causing one to see and be seen by their soulmate

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

A Home, for the Holidays by zen_fox (M | 3,321 | 1/1)

Three Christmases, in the lives of three soulmates.

good game by unrain (T | 1,996 | 1/1)

I don’t like you, but I can’t deny that your shot was a game winner sprawls around Kevin’s throat.

Neil’s words are a fucking joke in comparison. It’s not quite the death sentence that is a simple hi or a hello—which is a soulmark that’s kind of pathetically tragic to have in this day and age, because it just makes everything a trillion times more difficult and is basically the equivalent of your soulmate kissing you goodbye and saying see you never. But Neil’s words are pretty damn close to being that pathetically tragic. If only his soulmate wasn’t so unimaginative and dull.

Speak easy to me by The_time_it_takes (Not Rated | 3,370 | 1/1)

between hoping and believing by cryptidkidprem (T | 47,332 | 16/16)

Jean convinced himself a long time ago that he doesn't have a soulmate. Or maybe he just wants to believe that. Things would be easier if he was destined to be alone. It will at least hurt less when he inevitably winds up that way anyway.

And then there's Jeremy, who's been dreaming of meeting his match for years. For some reason, Jeremy seems determined to convince Jean that sometimes he might actually be able to have the things he hopes for, and that soulmate or no, Jean Moreau has people who will stick with him.

You're a flashlight in a dark room by trubenblack (Not Rated | 1,712 | 1/1)

The foxes in a world where everyone has their soulmates name written on them in their soulmates handwriting and the stories of how each of them dealt with them.

[opotakuism]

I now introduce you the descendants of Strawhat Pirates.

From Left to Right:

Monkey D. Ace and Anna (17): Twin children of the famous captain of Strawhat Pirates and the recent PIRATE KING, Monkey D. Luffy. Their mother is unknown, but according to Luffy himself, he found them after the stork had flown out of the Thousand Sunny. After being a pirate king, Luffy had seen fathers spending their time with children and he found himself wanting the kids. So VIOLA, there they are. Luffy named his son after deceased brother, honouring him as Luffy claim "for one day he will be great as his uncle". Hot-headed, yet is very caring toward his family, especially Anna and their father. Ace seems to make Anna as a co-captain of their "Descendant Pirates". He sees Trafalgar Law as either uncle or a godfather. When he found out Anna and Luffy planned to give the villains' second generation a chance, he is the few ones who were least accepting.    Fun Fact(s): Ace has a one habit he inherited from Ace; sleeping all of sudden, during eating.

Anna is a verbally strong, and is quite an innocent girl who share the same DANGEROUS abilities as Luffy: possessing the Conqueror's Haki and making her enemies as her allies. She even acts like her father and is really a tomboyish girl (spending a lot time doing sports with Nami's adopted daughter). Despite the fact she didn't eat the devil fruit, she wants to prove that she could be strong without its power. She enjoys to dance and likes every type of foods Sanji makes (Sanji seems to be a uncle figure to her). She doesn't know how to hate people, but she hates their either cruel, bratty, or narcissistic behaviors and when someone has a gut to insult her family or friends, she does not hesitate to cut off their balls. Her fashionable clothes were given by her dad's admirer, Boa Hancock, who sees her as her daughter. Anna is quite welcoming to the villains' second generation and is very friendly towards them, especially to the one whose father killed her uncle.    Fun Fact(s): She is an expert with martial arts more than her brother.

Bell-mere (9): Nami's adopted daughter and a sniper of "Descendant Pirates". After the war from a country, Nami found the girl who lost her parents. As the motherly instincts kicked her, Nami decided to raise her as her daughter and named her after the one who was her and Nojiko's mother. Despite being a kid, Bell is among the most mature one in the group and is proven to be very strong too. She sees Anna as a big sister and is often seen playing with her. Bell can be really reckless and bold, always blunting her words honestly but is very cautious, making sure she didn't hurt anyone's feelings.    Fun Fact(s): She seems to have a crush on younger son of Doflamingo.

Murphy (23): Son of Usopp and Kaya (YES I ship THEM), and is the shipwright of "Descendant Pirates". Just like his father, he loves to invent many crazy stuffs. Fun-loving and has a very strong sense of humor, he brings people laughter. He is also Chopper's assistant doctor and is always curing Bell-mere when she make troubles. He even helps Franky fixing the ship when something goes wrong. He sometimes visit his mother, whose body condition's got better and tends to help her. He was reluctant to accept the Villains' children, but begins to warm up to them (though he is scared of Akainu's son).    Fun Fact(s): He was named after and is based one Eddie Murphy, by his speaking and singing accent,

Remy (19) and Babette (16): Son and daughter of the Black Leg, Sanji. Remy is the pastry chef and Babette cooks many exotic cuisines and they are the cook of "Descendants Pirates". Remy is quite a romantic lad and is a rather sophisticated, yet flirtatious young man. His personality matches with his aunt, Reiju. He is always seen flirting with Anna, though she does NOT take a hint. Remy is also sympathetic to the ones in poverty and dislikes people who disrespects or abuses the food source. He is also one of the few people agreeing with Luffy and Anna's idea of giving the Villain kids second chance.    Fun Fact(s): For some reason, he has some insecurities with his appearance, especially...his eyes...

Babette is Remy's younger sister who is also a flirtatious romantic girl. But her personality fits more with her father. She seems to have a perverted demeanors when seeing attractive men who had their shirts off (one time she nearly died out of blood loss). During her break time, she is seen reading the magazine called Gold Digger (parody of Playboy), with her eyes pop out with hearts by watching attractive men and their statuesque bodies. Just like other girls, she likes adorable stuffs and loves little boys (though Remy calls her pedo much to her dismay). She doesn't seem to care whether Luffy and his daughter welcomed the VKs unless some of them are handsome and attractive boys.    Fun Fact(s): She has a wanted poster with a misinterpreted drawing of her face (just like his father once had).

Villains’ Next Generation: https://opotakuism.tumblr.com/post/157607843866/i-watched-disneys-descendants-a-few-days-ago-and

Another Next Generation: https://opotakuism.tumblr.com/post/157608120811/another-new-ocs-more-from-left-to-the

[sarahburness]

What Expecting to Die Young Taught Me About Living a Happy Life

“I’ve come to trust not that events will always unfold exactly as I want, but that I will be fine either way. The challenges we face in life are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.” ~ Marianne Williamson

At the age of nine, I was sitting in a doctor’s office at Baylor University with both of my parents when we were all told I wouldn’t live to see twenty-three. The doctor casually told us my dad would probably never get to walk me down the aisle and I’d likely never make my mom a grandmother, but there was great chicken pot pie in the cafeteria on the first floor.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Eight months later, on my tenth birthday, the possibility of my dad walking me down the aisle was permanently taken away when he died suddenly of an aortic and thoracic aneurysm. He had the same genetic abnormality I have, which caused the aneurysm, so by my logic, confirmed by the doctors, my demise was not far behind.

I had no idea the day I turned ten, the day I lost my dad, my misguided and broken heart gifted me a license to be entitled and reckless until the day I died. Which, according to the medical community, wasn’t that far away.

Let me back the medical drama bus up back to the day in Texas at the hospital just for a quick, minor detail to note.

That day my dad and I were simultaneously diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Marfan Syndrome.

In a very tiny nutshell, it’s a connective tissue disorder found on the fibrillin one gene. It essentially weakens all connective tissue in the body. The result is a body whose heart, lungs, eyes, and spine are severely impacted. A prominent and common feature with this condition is “abnormal” height. People affected are relatively tall (I’m 6’2”, my dad was 6’9”).

For precautionary purposes, we both stopped participating in any activities that raise the heartbeat, to decrease the risk of having an aneurysm or potentially causing damage to the face due to dislocation of the lens in the eye.

No contact sports, no exercising, no gym at school. I was basically told I could walk, bowl, or golf. I hated sports anyway, so I was excited to not have to dress for gym.

This consequently led to a lifetime of comments like “You don’t play basketball or volleyball?! That’s a shame!” or “Omg, you’re so tall!” As if I wasn’t already painfully aware, but I digress…

Point being, I was told from a very young age on a fairly regular basis, “You can’t.” So I learned to habitually answer, “I can’t” every time someone asked me to do pretty much anything.

What possible negative effects could this have?

I couldn’t see it at the time, but this led to a lifetime of constantly assessing every situation based on whether it was going to speed up my untimely death or not.

I didn’t learn how to question whether or not I liked things but whether or not it was something that was going to kill me sooner or later. In turn, I missed a million opportunities to get to know who I was as a young woman.

All I knew and all I was told were all the things I couldn’t do all the time.

This short-term life span turned my life into a short-term life plan. Soon enough the emotional pains of being a teenager and the new kid in high school, along with unresolved daddy issues, kicked into high gear, and I had no idea how to deal with any of it.

So, I drank. A lot.

The rest of high school and most of college was a blur. I got married at twenty-three because, well, time was running out for me. And then, when I was twenty-four, doctors told me my life expectancy had suddenly increased to forty.

(If there’s one emoji to express how I felt it would be the face with the wide eyes and red cheeks that looks like he would say “Oh sh*t!” if he could talk.)

I panicked and started trying to speed up the clock. Living wasn’t for me. I wasn’t raised to live; I was raised to die. Live all the places, have a baby, buy the stuff, laugh all the laughs, and then die.

This is where my excessive drinking turned into full-blown alcoholism and prescription drug addiction.

I was either going to OD or make my heart explode, but I wasn’t going to stick around. I must note that none of this was planned, intentional, or a suicide mission. In my mind at the time, I literally didn’t know what else to do, not even how to ask for help.

So, someone asked for help for me. Rehab is a whole other blog.

I’m thirty-nine now, well past my expiration date, and still learning how to live life today. In my drinking days, life revolved around morbid reflection. In early sobriety, life revolved around morbid projection. Today life revolves around just this day. This hour. This moment.

When one of my coaches asks me to journal about how I want my life to look in five years or where I want my business to be long term, I still don’t know how to answer that.

I don’t understand long term. And for the longest time, I always thought that to be a nightmarish curse. Until now. 

My inability to see life long-term seems to be all the rage these days. There’s Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra all preaching about being present, being here now, and being there with the spirit of love, and I’m over here wondering how long the two-week wait to hear if this gets published is going to feel or if I’ll be around to see it go live.

When you think about it, we’re all terminal. No one gets out of here alive. Yet we all run around like we’re going to cheat death—ironically, with this weird impending sense of doom.

We run out of joy staying married to jobs, people, and places we are no longer passionate about. We’ve forgotten how to be happy because we’ve made it so elusive.

It only feels elusive because we’ve spent our time wrong. We’ve spent our time focusing on how we can create a living for ourselves instead of how to create a life for our hearts, and the only way to do that is to get to know yourself first.

In designing my life by listening to my heart, I discovered a few things along the way.

I learned that we habitually state we are human beings, but we spend too much time doing. We get stuck in the how and what next instead of being right where our feet are in that moment. I learned to create space and presence for life to happen organically instead of allowing my mind to race with perceived fears.

Living in each moment used to mean living as recklessly as possible and constantly challenging the odds just to see if I would make it. Today, living in each moment means being driven by what my heart is calling me to do.

I’ve learned to take the time to figure out what the voice of my heart sounds like instead of the blazing of doubt in my mind. This finally allowed me to see what felt light and right in my life and allowed everything that feels heavy to fall to the way side.

Heart driven. Soul led.

This journey was started by a seed that was planted three decades ago. The seed called “I can’t” grew into a self-fulfilling prophecy filled with destruction, heartbreak, sorrow, and the urge to run from everything.

When I stopped running (drinking, using, blaming, complaining) and learned to be still with myself and all that had encompassed my life, an entirely new life was born.

In designing my life and healing my soul, I have found that happiness can be found in big moments like reuniting with my soulmate, winning a competition, or leaping into a new career. It can also be found in the smaller moments like watching my child choose a book instead of watching television, receiving flowers just because, or just being grateful for the sunshine.

But I have found I am the happiest and most content when I am meditating, creating a safe space for others, and playing. Playing like a child on a daily basis is where it’s at. Whether I’m writing, coaching, baking, or gluing rhinestones on anything I can get my hands on, that’s where I’m at complete peace.

And that (happiness) seems to be the individual goal of most people I meet, but it doesn’t seem to translate into the collective thinking. That’s where I’ve found the hiccup. The getting tied up in what we see everyone else doing, where everyone else is succeeding, and then wondering why we don’t have a that perfect slice of peace pie that everyone else seems to have.

The hardest thing I’ve learned is there is no special sauce, no magical happiness-to-sadness ratio, and no one-size-fits-all solution. We each have to define happiness for ourselves.

For me, this means doing the work. It looks like me getting brutally honest with my past, mending my mistakes, giving love to every person I meet, and telling those who are close to me what’s really going on every day.

This connects me to you and you to me, and this is ultimately the biggest lesson I learned.

We all want to be seen. We all want to be heard. We all want permission to be ourselves. I’ve experienced what that feels like, and now I’m living a life that I was told would never happen. I stopped believing other people’s opinions of me, my life, and where they think it should be when I realized those opinions and thoughts are about what’s missing from their life, not mine.

There is no slice of peace pie waiting for you or for me. We each have our own pie to flavor, bake, and share. I guess that would be called Purpose Pie. I sit in gratitude every day I have found my pie and am able to share with all who are hungry.

All of this because they told me I was going to die and the hospital chicken pot pie was nice.

About Lindsay Wilson

Lindsay is a life and mentor coach walking clients through emotional recovery and into self-discovery from significant emotional events including death of a parent, rape, addiction, medical challenges, infertility, and divorce. Lindsay is a single mother to an eight-year-old superhero in Nashville, TN and is on a mission to get rid of the phrase “good enough.” Visit her at lindsaywilsoncoaching.com.

Web | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post What Expecting to Die Young Taught Me About Living a Happy Life appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/what-expecting-to-die-young-taught-me-about-living-a-happy-life/

[sassyhottubstrawberry-blog]

anthem insurance quotes

"anthem insurance quotes

anthem insurance quotes

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Where can I get affordable car insurance in Tennessee?

Where can I get affordable car insurance in Tennessee?

Should you be able to buy home owners insurance when your house catches fire?

Your house catches fire. You call the fire department and as they're fighting the blaze, you're on the phone looking for home owner's insurance to cover your loss. Do ...show more""

Do you have to be a licensed insurance agent to do this?

Do you have to be a licensed insurance agent to quote Medicare Supplement rates in Texas? Please cite a source of your information.

Car insurance for a learner...?

im 17 now and want to start learning to drive. But what i want to do is buy a car, then get insured on it as a learner and have my dad take me out driving to teach me. i want a car like a peugeot 206, renault clio, vauxhall corsa, a ford KA or something small like that. does anybody know how much insurance will be for me as a learner? also im female if that helps!?""

I was wondering if anyone could tell me if you can get like your life insurance lisence online and where?

I was wondering if anyone could tell me if you can get like your life insurance lisence online and where?

I'm on a fixed income with 3 cats. Does any cat owner know of a good affordable cat insurance plan?

*I purr..fer to hear from people that already have a good affordable cat insurance plan.

How much does Car Insurance for a teenager cost?

How much is car insurance for a 15 ( starting drivers ed) year old girl if you are only a part time driver, like if you dont own a car you just use your parent' car in Illinois? Like how much is added on to your parents insurance bill? and how much does it cost if you have your own car?""

Do u HAVE to have insurance?

i rather pay out of pocket anyways than fool with insurance.

""TRAVEL INSURANCE for South America, USA, Europe!?""

I have been quoted an obscene amount for travel insurance. I'm traveling from Australia and will be overseas for 12 months (1 day USA, Europe 2 weeks and Colombia the rest of the time). I need medical/valuable/flight cancellation etc insurance. The medical must include dental and not only emergency (I want to be able to go to the doc's for a checkup if need be). I would like an affordable price...""

Looking for a Psychiatrist who accepts Medicare Insurance?

I have bipolar disorder and need a psychiatrist who accepts Medicare Insurance a.s.a.p. Please include doctor's name/phone #, my area is (818), San Fernando Valley, Encino, California. Also, I would like to make new friends who are dealing with bipolar disorder. Thank you.""

Really dumb questions about car insurance?

This is my first time buying a car, and I have a question that may be kind of dumb. I live in Illinois, so it is illegal to drive a car that's uninsured. I don't have a car now, so I don't have a way of transferring insurance or whatever. - What do I do when I find a car and buy it and need to take it off the lot? I don't know what kind of car I'm getting, so I can't really get the insurance ahead of time. - If I did get pulled over for whatever reason, would the police be understanding if I just bought the car? - How quickly do insurance companies usually get you covered over the phone (particularly, Progressive)? - Do you have to pay a deposit? When? - When would my first actual payment be if I pay once every 6 months? I know these are dumb and basic, but please understand that I have never ever bought a car or gotten car insurance.""

Why does high fico score lower car insurance?

Suze Orman just said pay off store credit cards and do not close them -this will lower your car insurance. Should my son open store credit cards and pay off the balance right away just so maybe his car insurance be lowered? And why does car insurance companies care about your credit card fico score anyways? He'll be 21 in a couple months ; hoping the insurance will decrease.

Help with car insurance?

Hello, I am 18 and saved up alot of money for a car, I passed my test around 9,10 months ago and now i want to buy a focus rs. I dont want people saying that i shouldnt buy it and something else is better. All I want is to know roughly how much my insurance is going to be and where i will be able to get it from? Thanks in advanced""

""I have Mercury Car Insurance, what should I watch out for?

I recently opened up a policy with Mercury car insurance because they gave me the best quote. A month later my roomate was doing research and found a large amount of people giving bad reviews of Mercury car insurance. Since I don't know anyone who has Mercury car insurance I was hoping someone out there could give me some good feedback as to whether or not they are worth renewing in 5 months.

Insurance for first timer? UK?

What would the insurance be on these cars for a 17 year old in the United Kingdom, roughly, and do you now any other cars that are like these, and are resonably cheap in insurance please Farlady 350z or 370z Skyline r33 gts Subaru inpreza 2.0 I was also thinking the mazda rx8, but i see that it has a rotary engine and also only has 20mpg, is that true? Thanks Mike""

Can you get medical insurance on a motorcycle?

If I were to buy a bike could I get medical insurance on the bike that covered any injuries that I could get if I got hurt on the bike. Also how much do you think it would cost? Any web sites I could go too?

""Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""

Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""

Gender inequality CAR INSURANCE!! why?

Seriously why do guys have to pay more for car insurance compared to women? It is unfair. If this was the other way round, all the females will be complaining and protesting. Now obviously women expect men to bend over backwards for there so called 'rights'. Right i now most of the women who use yahoo answer come back will be 'Men cause more accidents'. Well in fact men do not proportionately cause more accidents, men have more accidents, but men drive proportionately far more than women at a given time 79% of of all cars being driven are by males, 71% of all accidents are by males. Same goes with young males (17-22), they tend to be the first to want to embrace there rights when they turn 17 to be able to drive an automobile. You could clearly use your imagination and see that the stats are true. In a traditional nuclear family who drives mostly? obviously the husband (male). How would women feel like if they lost the right to equal pay.. because of statistics that they tend to take more days off due to things like maternity leave.""

Question about car insurance?

My grandmother traded my car in & got me an 06 explorer. They financed it threw C&F fiance Company. The interest rate it 16.99% and the payments are $439.57 for 72 months. My question is, after we got home she got to looking at the paperwork and realized they put GAP insurance on the car charging $625.00 What exactly is this insurance? Is it necessary with me with my full coverage? Why was she not asked rather she wanted this kind of insurance or not? Thanks to anyone that may could possibly help me!""

Mandatory insurance?!?

Here in Massachusetts EVERYONE has to have health insurance, and if you wanna drive you have to have car insurance. How can this be legal? How can the government force me into buying a product or service?! Whats next, are they going to make it mandatory for everyone to buy 7th generation ipods? This is ridiculous. What if i dont want insurance? What if i cant afford it? WTF?!! Is their any legal way around this? Or are they going arrest me if i dont get any insurance? Should i board up my windows and stock up on guns?""

""What are some affordable health insurance options for those with preexisting conditions, here in Wisconsin?""

I have a friend who is 31 years old, and is unable to find health insurance due to the fact that she had a heart attack a few years ago. I'm sure that she is only one of thousands of people in the same situation..but there has got to be some way to get affordable health insurance for her, here in Wisconsin. Is there anyone out there who has been in this situation, and has lucked out in finding affordable health insurance? We have been looking, but as of right now...to no avail.""

Are there any Uk car insurance sites whose multiple car insurance quotes actually do work out cheaper than?

separate for each car

Can you driver licenses get suspended for not paying your insurance?

I haven't payed my car insurance in two month can my driver licenses get suspended cause I didn't pay it cause someone told me it it get suspended if i didn't pay it I live in South Dakota

Can i swap my car insurance when i still have a claim going through?

i need to change my insurance because of outgoings, but i have aclaim for compensation still going on because a man hit the back of my car. Can i still cancel my insurance and go with a better quote.""

Cost of car insurance for a 20 year old male in california?

Cost of car insurance for a 20 year old male in california?

anthem insurance quotes

anthem insurance quotes

Why is car insurance expensive for teens 16-24?

Im in class right now and im doing this paper. i need a couple facts why its expensive for teens

""An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy.?""

An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy. A 21-year-old male has 0.999 probability of living for a year. a. From the perspective of a 21-year-old male (or his estate), what are the values of the two different outcomes? The value if he lives is _____ dollars. The value if he dies is _____ dollars. b. What is the expected value for a 21-year-old male who buys the insurance? The expected value is ______ dollars. c. What would be the cast o the insurance if the company just breaks even (in the long run with many such policies), instead of making a profit? _____ dollars. d. Given that the expected value is negative (so the insurance company can make a profit), why should a 21-year-old male or anyone else purchase life insurance? O A person who buys a one-year policy will expect to make a profit. O Insuring the financial security of loved ones compensates for the negative expected values. Please show your work""

Cheapest auto insurance. (perferably one I can apply for online)?

I bought a 2007 Nissan Sentra in New Mexico. I am 18 and my fiance is 23. What is the cheapest insurance you have found? I would be the primary driver.

""If i purchase a car under my name, can it be insured under my mothers?""

I want to know if i buy a car, can my mom be the one to insure it? Since i am under 24 my insurance will b way too high! So does anybody know if she could insure it or does she have to be the one that owns the car? Thanks in advanced""

Can I sue my Auto Insurance Company?

In 2005, as part of our divorce agreement, my ex and I decided to keep the same auto insurance but under separate policies. We had been with this company for years. My policy was on auto pay meaning that the payments were taken directly from my account. He walked in to pay his. About 6 months after the divorce, I was pulled over for a routine traffic stop and was told I was driving an uninsured vehicle. Without insurance, my registration was also invalid. Both tickets totaled 1K. My car was taken into impound. I checked and found the officer was correct. On good terms with my ex, I told him what happened. He said for the past 6 months, each time he went in to make a payment, the girl HIS was already paid. Realizing what had happened. They were applying my payments to his automobile. I was furious. I notified the agent who initially did not want to accept blame, but since the payments were automatic and my account number was on each payment they took, they were responsible. The error was compounded by the fact that the cancellation notice went to HIS address (how dumb was that!) So I had no way of knowing that I was cancelled. I was without a car for 2 weeks and lost my job. After much haggling and many sleepless nights of wondering what to do without a job or a car, the insurance company finally admitted blame, paid the impound fees of $1,250.00. The agent also said they would handle the 2 tickets totaling 1K. FAST FORWARD TO 2010 in my state, the county did a scofflaw sweep and I was summoned to court with over 5 thousand other delinquent drivers to address unpaid tickets. The order was come to court by April 30th or be arrested. Realizing this had to be a mistake, but fearful of the law, I stood in line for over 5 hours in blazing heat, then sat in court another 5 hours waiting for my day in court. I was immediately threatened with arrest because the 2 tickets were not paid. Up to that moment, I had no idea the insurance company had not paid the 2 tickets. This time, not only was my insurance and registration cancelled, my license was suspended due to the age of the infraction (5 years). In front of the judge, I called the agents' office only to be told by the secretary that they had no intention to pay the ticket. Paying to get the car out of impound was enough. When the judge heard this she was shocked and let me off with a promise to pay in 5 days. She made me promise not to drive. With no way to get home but drive, I took a chance, and was pulled over. The officer informed me that due to the vast number of outstanding cases, tags bearing our county name would be targeted for a while (talk about a police state!). I showed him my documents from the court and headed home. This is a nightmare. Would I have a case if I filed suit against my insurance company for failing in their fiduciary responsibility to a 16 year client in good standing? By the way this company is one of the largest in the country.""

Does cheap health insurance exist?

I relocated because my wife found a better job but problem is I don't have insurance now my current job doesn't offer it and I can't jump on hers for like a year. Is there such a thing as affordable insurance as in under $150 a month for basic doctor visit co-pays and rx?

Car insurance?

Im 16 and 1/2 years old. My dad says that i need good grades to get my own car insurance.. Couldn't i just place my name under my dad's auto insurance? How does that work

How does health insurance work?

I'm completely lost on how health insurance works... and I'm finally starting to work and don't know what to do =/ so any information about it is greatly appreciated. thank you

Can I write off the montly payment for health insurance I pay for my family?

Going to opt out of my employer paid insurance program, and buy private insurance for my family, can I write the entire payment off on my personal taxes?""

Braces without insurance?

I'm trying to get braces without insurance.I live in milwaukee wisconsin. I have like 1,000 dollars saved up. Is there any way of paying a partial payment at first then pay per month? Is there any way of reducing the cost? Is 1000 not enough to start the treatment? Plz help, thanks in advance.""

Teen Car Insurance + Accidents Clarification?

I'm a 16 year old girl who just got her license in March. A week after I got my license, I rear ended another car while driving my mom's new car that is insured. We got it fixed and only had to pay the 500 dollar deductible. I do not have my own car. My sister, who is 19, has her own car that is not covered on our insurance. My dad's car is not covered either. My sister just got into an accident, rear ending someone as well. I really need to get a car next year for work and such but my parents said my insurance would be high enough already with both of me and my sister's accidents. Couldn't I just buy a car on my own and not insure it like my dad and sister's cars? I really don't know how car insurance works at all, i only know what my parents tell me, so any help would be appreciated :)""

Car insurance is it sexist?

why is car insurance cheaper for woman ?i know lots of woman say there safer drivers but i dont think thats always the case

Does $152 per month for my car insurance sounds right?

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm 18 years old (I know, it greatly affects my age group that I'm in) and my car insurance is $152 a month. But, I'm only on liability? I have to pay over $150 a month just for liability on my car insurance? I live in Wisconsin by the way too. It just all doesn't quite make sense to me..my mom quoted me another price but the other price was pushing $200 a month. I'm just really sickened by all of this. Please let me know what you think! Thanks!""

My mother added her car to my insurance policy without telling me?

i jus got a letter in the mail informing me of changes made to my insurance on my car, changes i didnt make and apparently my mother did, without telling me. what should i say to her?""

Cheapest car to insure for a 21year old?

hey let me firstly tell you all my situation.....im 21 years old, a new driver only having just got my licence looking to buy and insure my first car. i wanted to buy a 1999 peugeot 206 1.1 which costs 700 but the insurance is almost 3000 which i just cant afford? can anyone think of any other half decent cars that arnt too expensive and also cheap to insure? they must be really safe cars though as i have a young child. im in full time employment, live in a safe neighbourhood, the car would be parked in a locked carpark overnight and im only really looking for third party insurance. please help!!!!!""

How much does a male aged 17 pay for car insurance?

Well I'm 17 years old and I'm currently taking driving lessons and hopping to do my driving test really soon. So the reason i asked this question is to just find out how much you pay for your car insurance. P.S If things do go well and I pass my driving test, I am planning to get a 05 Reg Vauxhall Corsa 1.2 SXI. So it would help if someone owns a 1.2 car and they're 17 years of age to answer this question. Thanks!!""

How much does car insurance cost for a 16 year old?

Im a girl with good grades that would be added on to my parents insurance policy, can anyone give me a dollar estimate?""

Does the Affordable Care Act force employers to PAY for or just PROVIDE insurance?

I've heard so much about how an employer with 50+ employees will be required to [provide] insurance to their full-time employees. Nowhere, I mean nowhere have I read clarification as to whether this actually means they have to PAY for their employee's insurance or simply PROVIDE it, which is a huge difference. My employer (a hospital) has always PROVIDED insurance but they don't PAY for it. They simply PROVIDE employees with the option to purchase their expensive insurance, which is like $250/month for part time employees. It would literally be 50% of my paycheck to purchase the insurance my employer PROVIDES. Can someone clarify the difference?""

Cheapest car to insure?

I'm not asking for lectures of any kind, I simply want to know what the cheapest cars are to insure. The Ford Ka is a cheap one. I don't want to be told there are no cheap car insurance, just the cheapest of them all. I'm a 17 year old male in Nov. Live with parents in a good area with no crime.""

Can insurance companies do this?

my family is on allstate for car insurance and im kinda ticked off and confused, im 17 now , got my licence and drive around in my dads car. the problem here is that, insurance companies see me as a PRIMARY driver. My dad is a primary and my mom is legally blind, so she doesn't drive. (Hence shes not on the plan) im only 17 and they wont let us put me as a part time driver, my insurance a year is about $3,000!!!! is there anything we can do to change this?""

Can someone convince me Car insurance isn't a complete waste of money.?

I'm only just turning 18 so I've never bought insurance myself my whole life. My stance on insurance is this: You might not have full coverage, they'll try to weasel out of paying you AND you might go for years without getting into an accident. In that time, if you pool up the money you'd have spent on car insurance you'd be able to pay for a car accident anyways. Now I'm just pulling this out of my butt, I don't have much of a basis on saying these things other than its just how i feel about it all, which is why I'm here. What creases me the most out of all this is that i hear car insurance for people my age is high, they treat us all the same and were not given a chance. Apparently no one sees age discrimination if it were slapped on to their face. They force you to have car insurance in Ontario which to me sounds a little ridiculous because i thought insurance was a service, an offer provided by companies, not an obligatory contract the government makes you pay for even if you don't want it. You can see my clear disposition against it at all, quite frankly i about don't wanna drive at all at this point. Though I want to be convinced because Canada's winters are cold, and modern life today kind of requires you to have your own mode of transportation.""

Can I get temporary car insurance for 3 to 5 days?

I'm not currenty insured because i go to San Francisco state and dont need a car, im going to florida for thanksgiving and ive got my old car out there, but my parents wont let me drive it unless im insured..""

Need a car with VERY cheap insurance. 17 year old male.?

Im just about to pass my driving test and i'm looking to buy a car, something very small like a 1.1L. I've had a few insurance quotes and then results are coming up as 7000?! Even for a ford fiesta or a peugot 306. I put the annual mileage down to 3000 and put my dad as a named driver but it is still very high. What cars could be lower thn this, and any good insurance company that offer low quotes for younger drivers.""

Is there any way by which I could get National Insurance Number?

I would be having a telephonic interview with a MNC Bank for a banking profile.They asked me to provide with the National Insurance Number as I am Indian I do't have any National Insurance Number as in India normal concept is get insured personally without any involvement of Government. The only task of Government is to monitor the issues related with grievances. Could you please guide what is the appropriate answer under these conditions. Reply as early as possible. Thanks in advance.

Why does my car insurance go up when I add on an Immobilizer?

I got a quote for 610 WITHOUT an immobilizer. Just found out I do infact have an immobilizer on my car so amended the car insurance quote and it went up 20 to 630... I thought an Immobilizer would take down the price!

anthem insurance quotes

anthem insurance quotes

Why do we have to pay car insurance for other people's cars?

As I understand it, the car insurance we pay is to fix other cars and their drivers in case we hit them. I don't understand why the law requires that we must pay for others' protection. Why shouldn't everybody pay for his own protection? If car insurance is required for everyone, then it would make no difference anyway, and I think, it would make people more motivated to get insurance. For example, if I pay $150/mo for car insurance, and if someone hits me who has no insurance and no money, then my car will look terribly even though I kept the law. This doesn't sound fair to me. If someone hits me, then their insurance should cover their damages and my insurance should pay for my damages. Why should I suffer a loss because they didn't keep the law?""

Car insurance question?

Ok so im trying to get car insurance on my grand prix. im doing it over the internet and the final rate says a 3166 dollar premium over six months. is that actually what i pay over the six months or is that what i would have to if something happened. what would be my actual cost over hte six months cause that just seems crazy

Whats the cheapest Car insurance?

Im 19 about to turn 20. I have a drivers liscence but no car. i need the cheapest insurance that will allow me to legally drive any normal car. I live in long beach, ca.""

Does blue cross blue shield cover accutane?

So tomorrow i am going to get accutane if my insurance covers it. I have Blue cross blue shield of ga and the blue choice option through the TJX companies (my mothers work). it says on my insurance card medical coPays, $20 office visit, and $100 ER. Does this Blue cross blue shield cover accutane?""

Is auto insurance always required in California?

I remember hearing that if you had enough money set aside in an account, you wouldn't have to pay for car insurance. Perhaps the minimum coverages for all the various types of accidents, which would sum up to somewhere around $50,000. Is this actually a possibility?""

""Question for the car dealer...getting used cars for resale rock bottom..Manheim, Insurance Auto or co-part?""

ok.. I want to try my hand ( and if it works .. I will apply to be a dealer or some sorts myself ) at getting cars low price and selling them quick of like 10-20% profit. I 'd like to know what's the best place to buy cars CHEAP ( even if they are sightly damaged ) .....and resell them....Manheim ( I know thats a dealer-to-dealer auction . So I'd expect stuff to be very well marked on the price tag)... copart or Insurance Auto ( iaai as its called ) which one sells cars that are otherwise roadworthy , but very well discounted ( though some might need a cosmetic facelift )""

What online auto insurance gives you multiple quotes and is free?

?????????? free quotes????????????????

Which company gives best insurance to young drivers?

I'm currently 17 and the cheapest quote i've got at the moment is 4000 on my own car as the main policy holder but with my dad as the main driver i've found a quote for 1500. but does anyone know which companies are good for young drivers?

What happens if lie to your car insurance company?

So i dented my mother's car by hitting another car. i told my mother it was a hit and run and she told me she was going to have the insurance company take care of it. The dent on the car wasn't that bad but it was pretty noticeable but the car that i hit didn't have any dents, just a few scratches .So the owner of car came out and took a look at her car and she said don't worry about it and thats when she let me go. I was pretty shocked of how she handle the situation. So can the car insurance find out if I'm was lying? i told them that a scooter hit it. The dent almost looks like somebody through a rock at it. The dent doesn't really look like i drove it into a car. its a really small dent with little cracks.""

Insurance Question??

Can you get insurance if you have a salvage title????

Answers to life insurance test?

answers to life insurance & applications test

""Looking for a good first car, one with low insurance rates preferably?""

I just turned 16 and am currently in the market to buy a car. I am looking for something in the price range of around $2,000, possibly a small four cylinder pick up, or a japanese sedan. Does anyone have any sugestions for a good first car, and if any one has expeiriance with insurance can you tell me a price range of what I would be looking at for isurance, I have good grades and looking for a minnimum policy in Florida. Thanks if anyone can help me although I know I probably wont get much help with the insurance part.""

How much is the insurance on 50cc scooter for a 16 year old?

Please could you tell me the amount for full comp, cheers""

I'm stuggling to find car insurance HELP!?

I'm 21 and i past my driving test in may 2011 and got my car in july, I was insured by swiftcover for 145 per month but then I become ill and had to leave work so I couldn't afford the payments and decided to cancell my insurance til I could get back to work, but when I tried to renew my claim with swiftcover then said their policies have changed and they can no longer provide insurance for people who have been driving less then 4 years! So now every other insuance company want around 250-280 per month and I just can't afford this. Do u know any cheap insurers that take on young drivers in the UK, HELP!""

What's a good car insurance but cheap car insurance?

or how about the cheapest one!!!lol I'm turning 18 so I'm aware that car insurance for people under 21 are really high, any suggestions? thank you!!!""

Will auto insurance rates go up if filing a Comprehensive claim in Texas?

I had windows knocked out and body damage done to two trucks by vandals, the vandals were identified and police report files and charges will be pressed. I carry $1000 deductable and damage was in the range of $2000 per vehicle. Any insurance claims adjusters want to comment? PS I havent called my insurance yet, cause I know just making the call will go down as a claim .""

Where can i get cheap auto insurance for an 18 year old student with a mustang?

Well this may sound like a long shot, but I just recently bought my son a Ford Mustang, Now its insurance time, hes 18, gets A's in school and has had drivers ed. Why do the quotes from Progressive and esurance estimate its going to cost nearly $500 a month, even with a 1990 honda junker it still cost nearly $400 do these prices seem reasonable, i cant recall them being that high, when i first got insurance, thanks.""

Can anyone recommend a good life insurance company?

I know all circumstances are different but I would like some recommendations as there are so many to chose from and I am sick of repeating my details, so if I could whittle it down a bit it may help!""

Can anyone recommend an insurance carrier for insuring the contents of a house move (besides the movers)?

I am moving the contents of my house from California to Colorado using the PODS mover and storage - PODS insurance is very expensive and covers virtually nothing so I would like to find a reliable insurance company that will cover my belongings during transit and storage

How does Obamacare increase health insurance premiums?

i've been seeing that they've gone up more when the reform was suppose to lower them. how exactly was obamacare suppose to lower insurance premiums?

What car insurance is cheap for young people?

What car insurance is cheap for young people?

How much extra is car insurance if you have points on your licence from speeding?

Is it worth attending the speed awareness course or does this not matter to the insurance companies.

Cheap cars to insure?

17 Year old female that has just passed my test and needs a car. What cars are really cheap to insure? If possible can you also add the engine size, year released, 3 or 5 door and any other details that will be useful :) Thank you :)""

Car Insurance - Young Driver 18 years old Male - NEED HELP PLEASE!!!!?

I have recently passed my driving test (3 days ago!) and will be buying a car ASAP as I have a job lined up and have just left school. I've tried tens of comparison sites and even rang some insurance companies direct to try and get a better quote... I have looked at the smallest possible engine size, that being 0.8l and 1l engines. I've looked at cars such as FORD KA, Vauxhall Corsa, Nissan Micra, Renault Clio and a few others too. The cheapest quote I have found for all of the cars is for a 2000 Ford KA 1.3l 3dr 4 seats (the smallest KA engine size possible) and that price was 3,800 paying monthly with a company called My Policy . However, I have used various other KA registration plates all the same engine size but some being 2003 models or 2005 and the insurance jumps to over 6,000! I haven't found another FORD KA cheaper than 5,500 and obviously if I can't get that one particular car out of the thousands for sale that insurance quote will be invalid anyway. Basically, I've tried everything. Adding named drivers (with lots of driving experience 30+ years), putting my car in a locked garage, on the road, tried different cars - models, registration plates, ages, engine sizes, and not to forget the countless comparison sites. The funny thing is with MyPolicy I went onto their site directly to get a quote and they were unable to give me a quote when entering exactly the same information into the Tiger.co.uk comparison site, that site brought up the 3,800 quote with MyPolicy but when I use their site directly they can't give me a quote... I know insurance is based on MANY factors, believe me I understand that. I tried entering different post codes (just out of curiosity) and it did help, but only fractionally. It just seems (other than the 1 obscure quote of 3,800 on ONE car, out of the 100+ I've tried) that I can't get a quote cheaper than 5,000 for a car with the smallest engine size and insurance group possible... It's ridiculous. Please don't advise fronting because it's illegal and I want to build up some NCD anyway. CAN ANYONE HELP ME GET A QUOTE CHEAPER THAN 3,500?! Thanks a lot, -Ash.""

""In NYC can I make payments on my financed car, but not be driving it or paying insurance for a few months?""

I'm financing my car, but by Nov I wont be needing to drive anywhere. Can I stop my insurance, park the car in the driveway but still make payments on it?""

anthem insurance quotes

anthem insurance quotes

Car insurance quotes tripled overnight?

I've been getting my car insurance quotes ready for the 1st of september. As soon as i was able to get a quote for the 1st of sept (my renewal) my insurance quotes went from 1100 to about 3900 This is ridiculous, its been a few days and it hasn't changed yet. Starting to panic a bit now, i have 2 years no claims and this is a stupid amount. Will this likely go down soon? Thanks""

How should I renew my car insurance in this case of seperation (not yet divorced)?

My husband and I separated 6 months ago. our divorce is not yet final (an other 6 months to go). My car insurance is due, and i want to pay the next 6 months. I've always been on my husband's car insurance. what points should i pay attention to while discussing the policies with the insurance agent? some tips to avoid paying extra fees (with no necessities) please share tips / suggestions. Thank you !""

False Auto Insurance Claim Against A Friend?

A very close friend of mine received a call from his auto insurer yesterday regarding a 3rd party claim against him. According to the 3rd party, my friend hit their parked car (which was parked on the curb in front of their home), then parked his own car, went up to their house, rang their doorbell and exchanged insurance information. The 3rd party claims that this took place in a town that's more than 1 hour away from where we work and live. This allegedly happened 3 months ago. There are two major problems with this story: A- The alleged incident never happened. I carpool with my friend to and from work and was with him that night. B- The 3rd party has all of his insurance information. Could the insurance company have called the wrong person (i.e. gotten policy numbers mixed-up while processing the claim)? If not, how could a 3rd party have his insurance information? How common are fraudulent insurance claims (against another person)? And has anything similar happened to you or someone you know? My friend is a little worried because there is some minor damage to his rear bumper. We live in a major city and pretty much every 3rd car has nicks and scratches along the bumper from parking garage 'mysteries' and whatnot. Also, about 8 months ago, a young woman rear-ended us while we stationary, waiting to turn left at an intersection. Other than a scratch to his rear bumper caused by her license plate bolt, there was no cosmetic damage, and while we exchanged insurance information, my friend decided not to file a claim (she was very nice and didn't look as though she had a lot of money). I'd hate to think that it's her trying to commit fraud against him...""

Best car insurance company in Ontario for new drivers?

Hey Guys, Got my first car! YAY!!!! I was just wondering if you guys can recommend the best car insurance company and rates in Ontario for new drivers? Please let me know. Thanks.""

Will my insurance go up with a speeding ticket in a construction zone in tx?

i have progressive. i am 18 and got a ticket. it was 50mph for a construction zone, there were no workers present. the officer said i was going 71mph but i know i wasnt. i looked at my speedometer and it was at about 61, 62. i didnt argue with him because i know that always causes more trouble. what can i do. hire a lawyer and let him take care of it? a teacher told me i could hire one for about $40. go to court myself? pay the fine? go to defensive driving? i just dont want my mom to find out! she will kill me!:l PLEASEE HELPP!!!""

Car insurance question?

To cancel car insurance will be 480 plus 50 admin fee to cancel this now ive lost my job. ive had insurance for 2 months and know they are all doing this cancellation fee now but i only got a car for work purposes and now they've made me redundant how i am expected to pay the 530? what can i do is there any options because i simply cant afford that amount.

""I am 17 and looking to buy a muscle car in ontario, how much would insurance cost?""

I am rather new to driving but have one year of experience and have my G2, I don't plan on being under my parents my insurance. Also im not looking for an extremely power full v8. Just something like a 1999-2004 mustang that I can put a bit of money in to and add some pony's. How much would that cost in insurance? I also have a clean driving record and took my driver's ed, are their any other classes that could lower my premium?""

Which is the cheapest and best ( best value) auto insurance in the US?

GEICO sux

How soon after purchasing a car do you need to get insurance?

i live in florida and i just bought used vehicle... how long do i have to purchase insurance... also can i register the vehicle without insurance?

""First time owning a car Acura RSX R first time owner, how much would the insurance be around at?""

I'm a woman, 22 years old and i live in canada""

How much will 2 points effect my car insurance?

I am 17 years old. I live in New Jersey, got my license 6 months ago. I was driving through Maryland and I got a speeding citation worth two points. My parents do not know about the speeding ticket, but I already paid it. How much will it effect my Geico car insurance rates? Also, I just received the advisory notice in the mail today, called the MVC and they just said it was pretty much a piece of paper saying I got a ticket....""

What is the cheapest insurance company to switch to for a descent price after a DUI?

I am 23 and have a 2005 chevy silverado single cab. It's paid off in full. I usually like to have basic & Im on my dads plan which is about 3-400 a year. & they are now increasing it to 800$. I would like to switch to a company that I can pay less to.

How much would Insurance go up with Speeding Ticket?

I'm 17, in Kansas, and I got a speeding ticket for going a 51 in a 40. My dad said that it will cause insurance to go up for the next three years. My ticket cost is $96.00. How much should this cause my insurance to go up? I've never had any violations of any kind before and I have the good student discount, too. Also, what do you recommend I do? Should I just pay the fine and accept whatever happens to my insurance?""

Why is my mortgage company forcing me to buy insurance on my home?

what is homeowners insurance good for?

What company has the lowest auto insurance rates? I tried looking on wikipedia but I couldn't find it. I'm?

What company has the lowest auto insurance rates? I tried looking on wikipedia but I couldn't find it. I'm?

Car inusrance. Where to get free quotes ?

What is the best web site to compare car insurance premiums online. What are the best companies for cheap insurance rates with good coverage for auto owners ?

""If I got a speeding ticket in my parents car, their insurance rates with state farm will increase?""

I got a speeding ticket, driving my dad's car, their insurance rates will be affected in any way?""

Am I able to drive my -just bought- car without insurance?

I just bought my car one day ago and i only have the contract but not the title, am i able to drive the car at all or is there a law that lets me drive the car within a certain amount of time without insurance on it in minnesota?""

Car insurance for a new driver.?

How much money would car insurance be for a 16-year old teenage boy? My birthday falls weird so i get my lisence when im sophmore.

What is a good car insurance for someone that is 21?

im 21 my car is insured by my moms insurance but she wants to take me off. What are some good options??i live in california and im a full time student i know some insurance give discounts like mercury insurance

Insurance policy?...?

My mum n dad are insured on a car and are going away next week for 2 weeks and said I can get insured on their car. But their insurance will not insure anyone under 25. I don't think you can have 2 insurance policies on one vehicle but not sure, so can you? How can I get round this? If I got a temp insurance the police would only give me a warning, yeah? Personal Information: 19 year old male with a 2 year driving license and 1 year NCB Pass Plus obtained""

Can I get auto insurance through another company if I owe on another insurance company money?

I lapsed on my old insurance policy and do not have the money to pay it off. My registration expires tomorrow and I need insurance in my state to register my vehicle. Will another company insure my vehicle if I still owe money to another insurance company?

Does it matter if you tell the insurance company?

that you are keeping your vehicle at 'X' address instead of your real address which is 'Y' address. Reason being that X is a way cheaper premuim than my Y premium. And its only for TPO insurance. Thanks

""I got a problem, my daughter just got her drivers license and because I could get cheaper insurance with?""

another company, I switched insurance companies. Needless to say yesterday when she was backing out of our car port she hit the carport pole and scratched my car pretty bad and knocked some trim off. The scratch bothers me the most because it's long and down to the metal and paint is chipping off. Can anyone tell me how I can fix this with out filing a claim?""

Exactly how much does credit score affect auto insurance rates?

Can anyone tell me roughly what percentage my rate is gouged (oops, I mean 'increased') as a result of less than perfect credit? I have Progressive insurance if that helps. Thanks!""

anthem insurance quotes

anthem insurance quotes

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-does-car-insurance-usually-cost-17-year-old-ontario-barry/"

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/sundance-2018-day-7-national-lampoon-monsters-men-american-animals-hit/

Sundance 2018 Day 7: National Lampoon, 'Monsters and Men,' 'American Animals' hit

We're coming down to the end of the 2018 Sundance Film Festival, and NEON seems to be the shining light for several films including Assassination Nation ($10 million plus deal), Three Identical Strangers and Monsters and Men. See all of our coverage of the 2018 Sundance Film Festival. As director David Wain (Wet Hot American Summer, They Came Together) said, "No publication was more consequential to changing culture in the world as much as National Lampoon," and that's the subject of his A Futile and Stupid Gesture biopic. “To make a very popular comparison,” McHale said National Lampoon co-founder Doug Kenney was, “kind of like Hamilton in that nobody knew what he had done, but he really changed comedy.” Below are the highlights from Day 7 of the 2018 Sundance Film Festival.

A Futile and Stupid Gesture

Doug Kenney, the unsung maverick comedy writer who co-founded National Lampoon and helped launch the careers of John Belushi, Chevy Chase, and Bill Murray, gets exactly the sort of irreverent meta comedy biopic he’d likely have wanted in A Futile and Stupid Gesture. David Wain’s star-studded film adaptation of the book by Josh Karp premiered Wednesday night and will begin streaming on Netflix this Friday. Wain immediately establishes this as an unconventional biopic by employing an unusual framing device with 74-year-old Martin Mull as the imagined modern-day Kenney (though he actually died under mysterious circumstances at age 33). Always a welcome presence, Mull narrates the film on camera, selectively deciding which events to include. We’re soon introduced to young Kenney as an impertinent, whip-smart college student (portrayed by the always buoyant Will Forte) as he teams with pal Henry Beard (Domhnall Gleeson) to oversee the Harvard Lampoon just before it evolves into the iconic comedy mag National Lampoon. A radio show and live show spawned by that publication introduce a bevy of household names, including Chevy Chase (Joel McHale), and they go on to make Animal House. When the film becomes an unexpected blockbuster in 1978 (it was the highest-grossing comedy for many years), Kenney’s downward slide begins: his cocaine addiction escalates in an attempt to defeat the writer’s block that confronts him when he tries to create a follow-up. He eventually makes another comedy, Caddyshack, which, though underappreciated at the time of its release, does go on to inspire a devoted following. It’s a kick to see the behind-the-scenes making of these classic comedies, and whenever the film veers away from the comedic tone, a character will punctuate the drama with the Animal House battle cry “food fight!” The film also looks at Kenney’s strange passing during a hiking trip in Hawaii, when he either fell or leaped to his death, but it leaves his demise open to interpretation. It’s a challenge to think of a director better suited to this material than Wain, whose reputation was made with his own cult comedy Wet Hot American Summer, which premiered during the Sundance Film Festival in 2001. During the Q&A following the screening, Wain told the audience that, having watched Caddyshack “ten thousand times as a kid,” he wanted to make a film about “someone whose name we don’t know, but he really invented the comedy I grew up on.” A Futile and Stupid Gesture will undoubtedly keep Kenney’s name alive for years to come.

Monsters and Men

When director Reinaldo Marcus Green came to the 2015 Festival with his short film Stop, about a young black man who gets stopped by the police on his way home from baseball practice, he found himself in an intense conversation about the Eric Garner killing with a friend of his who appeared in the short. “We saw two totally different [sides]. I saw a guy that I thought shouldn’t have died, and he saw something a little different — that it was unfortunate that he was dead but that he was resisting arrest. One thing led to another, [and] it was a really, really heated discussion with my friend. We kind of hugged it out afterwards. … But it was just honest. We were just honestly missing each other.” Not only did that critical conversation inspire the idea for Green’s latest film, Monsters and Men, but that friend actually ended up appearing in the feature. The story follows the perspectives of three different men after a killing committed by the NYPD: that of a young father who recorded the act, a black police officer trying to make sense of the killing, and a high school athlete on the periphery who wonders whether he should get involved in speaking out. With a triptych structure that dives into each point of view, Green explores the nuances of each man’s character. “The idea of the title is that we all have a little bit of good and bad in us. … And we can choose to turn a blind eye to the things that are happening around us or we can do something about it. We’re [all] human, and we have choices to make, and we have to live with those choices.” However, Green admits that it’s not always easy to know what to do. “I think about my own personal life and how I can become more active or how I can become involved, and a lot of times it’s like, ‘Man, it’s such a big issue. I don’t know what to do.’ And the issue becomes so overwhelming that we end up doing nothing. And I just thought, that can’t be. Even the smallest thing, even just paying attention [can make a difference]. And that was really the start to [this film]. We’re not going to end racism with the film, but we could start a conversation.” NEON, which made a big splash at the 2018 Sundance Film Festival when they spent over $10 million for global distribution rights to Assassination Nation along with Three Identical Strangers and a slew of other films picked up domestic rights to Monsters and Men, but the terms were not disclosed.

American Animals

While the nimble, meticulously constructed heist film American Animals was presented as part of the U.S. Dramatic Competition at the Festival, hearing the filmmakers discuss their methods after its screening at the Library Center Theatre on Wednesday suggests that their unique creation also bears the heart and rigor of a documentary. It tells the true story of four middle-class suburban college kids in Lexington, Kentucky, who plot to steal rare and valuable books from their university library’s special collection and sell them on the black market. The protracted and, at times, shambling setup leads them to New York and Amsterdam, and ultimately to cross lines they’re both eager and horrified to traverse. The events in question are performed by four young actors and staged with the gusto and resources of an ambitious fictional film, but director Bart Layton also intersperses interviews with the real foursome throughout the feature. And rather than serve as a contrapuntal element or arch flourish within the story, these interviews actually serve to anchor the narrative. As the filmmakers described, in terms of editing construction, these interviews were put together first, and the rest of the film was built around them. Layton explained that the script changed in crucial ways because of new information introduced by the subjects of the story. The original version was based on correspondences with the foursome when they were in prison — letters, emails, and phone calls. But then when they were released, which was deep into the film’s production, they were able to be interviewed on camera and convey much more than they had expressed through correspondence. “A lot of things came out of it, not least [of which was] the depth of emotion that you see, and the remorse,” Layton said. “So I actually had to put a pause on production to go back and rewrite based on exactly what had been in there.” Though the actors do look very much like the real men they’re playing, Layton said he didn’t cast the actors to mimic their characters but instead sought an authentic dynamic between them, one that might resemble the dynamic between four young people with different, specific personalities and motivations for pursuing such a crime. Despite all four actors — Evan Peters, Barry Keoghan, Blake Jenner, and Jared Abrahamson — wanting to spend time with the real protagonists, Layton said his feeling was that “it wouldn’t have been helpful. They were 10 years older than they were when this happened. And most of those 10 years they’d been in prison — they were different people,” he said. “I thought that what I had put on the page was what they needed.” Layton and producer Dimitri Doganis discussed the seemingly oxymoronic conditions for such an amateurish heist, and how this crime performed by these four young men potentially spoke to both larger societal issues and particular psychological ones. “Why would well-brought-up kids from quite good families end up committing a crime like this? They didn’t need the money. And did they even think they could get away with it? It didn’t really seem like it,” Layton said. In letters from prison, Spencer TK talked of being an aspiring artist who was frustrated by the dearth of experiences and tragedies to inform his work, and that piqued Layton’s interest. “Having a central character whose main fatal flaw is that he doesn’t have a flaw or a problem so he goes out to manufacture one” proved worth exploring, he said. “We felt that it was a way of telling a story about a very lost generation, a group of young people who feel a huge amount of pressure to have an identity, to be interesting. Fifty years ago, their dads would be the definition of success — food on the table, nice car in the driveway, all that. But for them that’s not a success, that’s mediocre.” “I met them just after they got out of prison for the first time, and we were sitting in this amazingly picturesque pub in Kentucky, which looked like to me a picture postcard of the American dream: detached homes, SUVs in the forecourt, basketball hoops, literally picket fences. And I was asking them about their time in prison,” Doganis said. “And they agreed that their first two years in jail were probably the best time of their lives.” Considering the surroundings for this conversation, an idyllic and non-incarcerated landscape, he wondered how that could be. “They said it’s probably a simplification, but in a way we freed ourselves from all the expectations of what we should do, and what our parents expected of us. They knew it was a naive feeling and one that certainly didn’t last, but the notion that somehow growing up in the bosom of the American dream and what looked like it should have been the perfect environment was stultifying, whereas being in a federal jail felt like quite an exciting dynamic.” “I wouldn’t recommend it, though,” said Layton. MoviePass Ventures and The Orchard partnered to buy North American distribution rights for $3 million, and most importantly, the distributors are putting up a significant P&A commitment. Most filmmakers know this is what can get a film out there as most distributors don’t commit and this can be the death of many great films.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/aisha-tyler-future-tyler-henry-reads-kylie-jenner/

Aisha Tyler future and Tyler Henry reads Kylie Jenner

After 6 seasons, actress and TV personality Aisha Tyler announced that she would not be returning as a co-host on CBS’ The Talk. Aisha has been part of the show since 2011, when she joined on the second season of the daytime talk show. However, on Thursday’s (June 15th) episode, the Criminal Minds actress told fans and viewers that she would be moving on to the next stage of her career. While making the announcement, the beauty explained, “At the end of this season I’m going to be leaving the show…I have had an amazing six years with you guys. We’ve had babies and weddings, and you know good things have happened, and you know I went through the biggest breakup of my life with you. I could not have done with this without you. I’ll never be able to thank you guys enough.” Inevitably, Aisha got emotional when she made her unexpected announcement, as did her fellow co-hosts, Sheryl Underwood, Sharon Osbourne, Julie Chen and Sara Gilbert. CBS Angelina McDaniel later released a statement addressing Aisha’s decision to leave the talk show, which read, “Saying goodbye to Aisha is a bittersweet moment for all of us at CBS Daytime and The Talk…throughout her six seasons, she has made incredible contributions and shared personal moments, making our viewers, cast and crew all laugh cry and think, as a result of her signature wit, intelligence, and openness. It’s no secret Aisha is one of the busiest women in entertainment, and we support her as she decides to focus more time on her passion for directing, her expanded role on CBS’ Criminal Minds, hosting The CW’s Whose Line is it Anyway? and her other endeavors…and maybe finally find some time to sleep! We love Aisha, and she will always be a part of our family, with a seat waiting for her at The Talk anytime she wants to visit.” About a year and a half ago, E! Network debuted the show Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry. On it, “clairvoyant medium” Tyler Henry talks with various celebrities and tries to help them connect to their past and inner selves. On the most recent installment of the show, Tyler sat down with reality starlets Khloe Kardashian and Kylie Jenner, where he brought up some pretty touchy subjects with the two beauties. During the sit-down, Tyler warned Khloe about her “susceptibility” to skin cancer. The “psychic” explained, “Okay this just came through really strongly – skin. I’m seeing skin, I’m referencing to what looks like melanoma. I’m getting a reference to three separate situations that I view as being problem areas. You have susceptibility on your back and there’s susceptibility on your leg and I need you to keep both in mind. This is huge.” In response, Khloe revealed, “I’ve had melanoma on my back, but never on my leg…” Shortly after, Tyler went on to implicitly talk to Khloe about her ex-husband Lamar Odom, who continues to work on recovering from his serious substance abuse issues. Tyler told the Good American entrepreneur, “It’s important that [Lamar] doesn’t isolate himself, as I think he may have a tendency to do. And that’s something that we can only control so much of, you can’t control someone else’s actions, it is not your responsibility. I just hope he stays in the state…. He needs to stay in California.” When talking with Kylie, Tyler said he sensed an unhealthy relationship in the young star’s life. Kylie asked him to look into her love life, which prompted Tyler to note that he was sensing a situation where “someone tries to get with one sister” and then “tries to get with the other.” He then went on to say that he felt that Kylie had a certain, very unhealthy relationship in her life and that she needed to set boundaries in order to protect herself. The latest episodes of Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry air on Sundays on E! "Shark Week" has a new star attraction: Michael Phelps. Discovery Channel's list of "Shark Week" programming next month includes a July 23 show titled "Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs. Great White." Discovery Channel billed it as "an event so monumental that no one has ever attempted it before" and added that "the world's most decorated athlete takes on the ocean's most efficient predator: Phelps V Shark - the race is on!" Whether that means the winner of 23 Olympic gold medals is actually racing a shark remains uncertain. The release announcing this event didn't offer many details or specifics aside from saying that Phelps "has one competition left to win." Discovery Channel officials didn't immediately respond to a message seeking additional information. Jada Pinkett Smith is calling the Tupac Shakur biopic "All Eyez on Me," 'deeply hurtful" for its portrayal of her relationship with the rap legend. In a series of tweets Friday, just as the film is opening in theaters, Pinkett Smith contradicted several scenes. She said she never had an argument with Shakur backstage, that their parting was fictionalized and that he never read her a poem, as seen in the film. Pinkett Smith said her relationship to Shakur was "too precious" for her not take issue. Pinkett Smith was close friends from childhood with Shakur. She's portrayed in the film by Kat Graham, whose performance Pinkett Smith complimented, along with Demetrius Shipp Jr., who plays Shakur. Carrie Fisher died from sleep apnea and a combination of other factors, but investigators were not able to pinpoint an exact cause, coroner's officials said Friday. Among the factors that contributed to Fisher's death was a buildup of fatty tissue in the walls of her arteries, the Los Angeles County coroner's office said in a news release late Friday. The release states that the "Star Wars" actress showed signs of having taken multiple drugs, but investigators could not determine whether they contributed to her death in December. Her manner of death would be listed as undetermined, the agency said. The agency did not immediately respond to a request for additional details about whether a full autopsy report and toxicology results were available. Sleep apnea is a condition in which a person's breathing pauses during sleep. The pauses may be brief or last several minutes, according to information from the National Institutes of Health. Fisher, 60, suffered a medical emergency on an international flight on Dec. 23 and died four days later. Her mother, longtime movie star Debbie Reynolds, died the following day. The actresses were laid to rest together at Forest Lawn-Hollywood Hills, a cemetery where numerous celebrities are buried. Fisher's brother, Todd Fisher, said he was not surprised by the results. He added that his family did not want a coroner's investigation of his sister's death. "We're not enlightened. There's nothing about this that is enlightening," he said. "I would tell you, from my perspective that there's certainly no news that Carrie did drugs," Todd Fisher said. He noted that his sister wrote extensively about her drug use, and that many of the drugs she took were prescribed by doctors to try to treat her mental health conditions. Fisher long battled drug addiction and mental illness. She said she smoked pot at 13, used LSD by 21 and was diagnosed as bipolar at 24. She was treated with electroshock therapy and medication. "I am not shocked that part of her health was affected by drugs," Todd Fisher said. He said his sister's heart condition was probably worsened by her smoking habit, as well as the medications she took. "If you want to know what killed her, it's all of it," he said. Todd Fisher said it was difficult to blame doctors who treated his sister because they were trying to help her. "They were doing their best to cure a mental disorder. Can you really blame them?" Todd Fisher said. "Without her drugs, maybe she would have left long ago." Carrie Fisher made her feature film debut opposite Warren Beatty in the 1975 hit "Shampoo." She also appeared in "Austin Powers," ''The Blues Brothers," ''Charlie's Angels," ''Hannah and Her Sisters," ''Scream 3" and "When Harry Met Sally ..." She will reprise her role as Leia Organa in the eighth installment of the core "Star Wars" franchise, "The Last Jedi," which will be released in December. Bill Cosby's lawyer repeatedly demanded a mistrial in his sex assault trial as five days of deliberations on the fate of the man once known as America's Dad pushed into Father's Day weekend, but the judge said there was no precedent to shut down the jury's talks. "I have no authority to do this," Judge Steven O'Neill said in the 52nd hour of deliberations on Friday night. "I'm sorry it's causing everyone frustration." Cosby lawyer Brian McMonagle fired back that jurors might be under the assumption they have to deliberate until "the cows come home." They will resume deliberations Saturday morning. O'Neill grew testy on the bench as he questioned McMonagle's requests to end the trial without a verdict. The jury might be working toward an acquittal, the judge said. "You don't know why they were deadlocked. Everyone is assuming one way or another," said O'Neill. As jurors left for the night, O'Neill praised their "hard work, dedication and fidelity to your oath." The jury, from the Pittsburgh area, has been sequestered for two weeks about 300 miles from home. The 79-year-old Cosby is accused of drugging and molesting a Temple University employee in 2004 at his home near Philadelphia. As deliberations wore on, Cosby thanked his fans and supporters - first in a tweet, then in brief comments as he left the courthouse Friday night. "I just want to wish all of the fathers a happy Father's Day," Cosby said. "And I want to thank the jury for their long days. Their honest work, individually. I also want to thank the supporters who have been here. And, please, to the supporters, stay calm. Do not argue with people. Just keep up the great support. Thank you." A conviction could send Cosby to prison for the rest of his life, but the case has already helped demolish Cosby's nice-guy image, cultivated during his eight-year run as Dr. Cliff Huxtable on "The Cosby Show," the top-rated 1980s and '90s sitcom. Dozens of women have come forward to say he drugged and assaulted them, but this was the only case to result in criminal charges. On Friday, the jury asked to review multiple pieces of evidence, including Cosby's decade-old deposition testimony about quaaludes. Cosby, who gave the deposition as part of Constand's lawsuit against him, said he got seven prescriptions for the powerful sedative in the 1970s for the purpose of giving them to women with whom he wanted to have sex. The testimony is relevant because Cosby is charged with giving pills to Constand, former director of operations for the Temple women's basketball team, to incapacitate her before their sexual encounter. He has said it was Benadryl, a cold and allergy medicine. Prosecutors have suggested he gave her something stronger, possibly quaaludes. Jurors also asked for, and received, a definition of reasonable doubt, the threshold that prosecutors must cross to win a conviction, and reviewed testimony from Constand and her mother about phone conversations they had with Cosby after the encounter. According to the testimony, Cosby called himself a "sick man" but refused to identify the pills he gave to Constand. Cosby's lawyers have said he and Constand were lovers and that the encounter was consensual. McMonagle objected in court to the panel's repeated requests to review testimony, saying it suggested some jurors were trying to coerce other jurors in an attempt to bring an end to the deadlock. The judge said he saw no evidence of coercion or trouble in the deliberating room after the jurors reported their impasse on Thursday and he instructed them to keep trying for a verdict. "There's a misperception that there's a time limit," he said. Jurors got the case on Monday. They must come to a unanimous decision to convict or acquit. If they can't break the deadlock, O'Neill could declare a hung jury and a mistrial. Then, prosecutors would get four months to decide whether they want to retry Cosby or drop the charges.  

Movie TV Tech Geeks News