#i know someone said something about a romance end that was heartbreaking

[the-cookie-of-doom]

you've written a couple post-canon KimChay fics that I LOVE - cage me in and set me free was one of the first KimChay fics I read, actually, I loved Kim and Porsche's dynamic in it. And then there's Out of the Shadows, which I'd love if you got the inspo to return to at some point (all that tasty, tasty angst!). But we haven't gotten to see how you, personally, would write the actual reconciliation. It's something I struggle with; how do you forgive someone who hurt you and then doubled down? Even if Chay is generous enough to accept and understand Kim's reasoning, how does he trust him after that? What if Kim decides to do something shitty for the greater good again? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that, whether it's general speculation or a bit of insight into the Out of the Shadows arc 👀

AHHH MY FRIEND!!! You're making me feel things ;_;

I do actually plan to come back to Out of the Shadows! Once I finish Technicality, since I've rediscovered the inspo for that, OotS is next on my list!

My personal feelings towards their potential reconciliation have changed a lot in the past year. When I originally watched the show, I had just gone through a really terrible breakup, my first one ever, and I was really sympathetic towards Chay. So I leaned in a little too hard to the "Kim is the worst person ever, how could he break this poor baby's heart."

One of the reasons I stalled on OotS is actually because it was the first longfic I started for this fandom, before I had really been exposed to all the various meta and interpretations, so I didn't have a solid feel for the characters and how I wanted to write them. I reached a point where the characterizations I started with, I no longer really agreed with, and then I had to figure out how to move forward with how I interpret the characters at this point.

Nowadays, I tend to think the reconciliation would go a lot better than you might expect. From what we see in the show, Kim never actually, intentionally seduced Chay. The closest we get to it is that cheek kiss after Chay's confession, but at that point, I think it's reasonable to believe Kim has caught feelings himself. We see multiple times how Kim is actually trying to do the opposite of take advantage: he keeps trying to dismiss Chay and send him away, and Chay chases after him every time. He's a lovestruck kid that doesn't seem to have a healthy idea of boundaries.

I'm also firmly in the camp that Chay knew Kim was sus from the start. he is a terrible liar, not nearly the criminal mastermind that he pretends to be - honestly, I think Kim is a scared kid that gotten in over his head, and is trying to act more confident than he feels.

Which is the crux of my version of their reconciliation. They are both so young. Chay's in high school, Kim is either about to graduate college or just did, putting him at what. 21? 22? That's several younger than me. We have no idea about Kim's dating history, but we can assume based on Chay's... everything that this is his first attempt at a relationship, and it's clumsy. He jumps in with both feet, he confesses being in love before he even knows Kim's full name, let alone anything meaningful about him. And given how Kim is constantly surprised by Chay, I think this is probably his first attempt at a relationship, too. At least one like this.

I tend to meet any given media where it's at, and accept what it's trying to show me. In this case, I've said it before, I'll say it again: KinnPorsche were the action romance with a side of bodyguard + boss/employee, VegasPete was for the dark romance/bodice ripper girlies, and KimChay was meant to be the sweet high school/college romance. It wasn't supposed to be secretly dark and sinister. If anything, it was a coming of age story for Chay; getting his first heartbreak, being faced with the fact that the world isn't as kind as he thought it was (re: the mafia), and having a rebellious teen phase.

ALL OF THAT TO SAY.

At the end of the day, I think Chay is overwhelmed by everything going on in his life, and he can't be mad at Porsche, bc he doesn't have anyone else in his life that he can trust, so he takes all of those feelings of frustration and fear and dumps them at Kim's feet. Kim is easy to be angry at. Kim lied to him, used him, and broke his heart. So Chay is going to dye his hair, start partying with a bad crowd, and cry over the boy he thought he loved not loving him back.

But Chay also loves his brother more than anything. He would do anything for Porsche, even give up their childhood home and move to some small apartment somewhere just so he can be safe, or drop out of school to get a job so he can help with the bills. Everything Kim did, he did to keep his brother safe. And again, Kim never outright tries to make Chay fall in love with him.

Even The Scene at Kim's apartment isn't a huge betrayal to me. I think Chay went running to the one person that's been his rock since Porsche left, needing comfort and reassurance that something in his life is what he thought it was. When he didn't get hat from Kim, he fell apart. And Kim was an asshole in the way he went about it, yes, but he was just. Denying his feelings. He has the right to do that, and it's a pretty common romance trope. He was scared so he pushed Chay away, and it hit Chay so hard because he just lost what he saw as the one good/steady thing in his life, and now he's left adrift in this scary new world. Hell, maybe Chay even went to Kim, now armed with the truth, hoping that Kim could help him navigate life in the mafia, because Porsche certainly isn't doing it. He leaves Chay crying in his room to go out partying with his new family (which is the most heartbreaking scene in the whole show, for me. He did all of this for Chay, but at the very end, he leaves Chay behind)

Anyway. I think that after a little time and distance, all it would really take for Chay to forgive Kim, is just. A conversation. Once Chay realizes that yeah, he was pushy, he did come on strong, and that all the times Kim pulled away from him it wasn't because he was "playing hard to get", but because he didn't know what to do with Chay's intense feelings.

They need to examine how they approach other people (Chay by throwing his everything in at once, and Kim's habit of pulling away). They both have a lot of growing up to do. And I think, at the end of the day, that's what their story is trying to tell us. Heartbreak is just a part of growing up.

ANYWAY. Sorry to word-vomit at you like that. The tl;dr is that I don't think Kim really betrayed Chay, at least not more than any regular coming-of-age breakup story. I think they need to grow up, have some self-reflection, and come back with a better idea of who they are and what they want. After that, who knows what could happen!

[lyriumsings]

watching more baldurs gate cutscenes and like halsin,,,,him big,,,also like so cute like 🥺🥺🥺🥺 he just seems so sweet??

[sweetdispatch]

I can explain - N. Hischier & J. Hughes

6 days of kinkmas

pairing: Nico Hischier x fem!reader + Jack Hughes x fem!reader

summary: She's hooking up with Jack and Nico without them knowing about each other. One day they found out about it and had an idea

warning: NSFW, graphic sex (18+), threesome, oral (m receiving), swearing, cum play, degradation

words: 1.7k

note: Merry Christmas guys🎄❤️

---

It was a complicated time for you. You were entangled in two romances. You’ve met Jack in January. Something clicked between two of you but after hearing that he’s unfaithful in relationships, you wanted to keep it simple and start in fwb with him. You needed sex and not heartbreak. When he got an injury, he left New Jersey. You still had a couple of months at university and searched for someone to replace him. 

This is how you met Nico. In April, you ran into him in one of the clubs and ended up hooking up in the bathroom. He asked for your phone number and you gladly gave him. You thought that it’s over between you and Jack and decided to focus on Nico, especially when he was caring about you and saw more in you than sex. You pictured that two of you can be together at some point of your life.

During summer, you returned to your house and completely forgot about them. You put focus on your friends and other things than remembering about two guys with whom you’ve been hooking up during summer semester. None of them wrote to you and it was a closed chapter, until you returned to New Jersey for another year at university and the NHL started. 

Jack wrote to you, asking if you’re free tonight. Of course you were, so you met and slept together. Two of you returned to the dynamic from the beginning of the year when he was showing up at your door wanting to take his steam on you. It was fine for you until Nico did the same thing. He wrote to you asking if you’re still studying here. You two started going on dates that sometimes ended up in his bed. 

At first, you didn’t see a problem in this but you learned from your friend that they’re teammates and really good friends. When you heard that, you felt trapped. What are the odds that two guys you’re seeing are friends? You wanted to get out of both relationships but you couldn’t. Both of them meant a lot to you. 

The only thing left for you was to hope they’ll never learn about each other. October and November were unproblematic but that changed in December. You went to a bar with your friends to celebrate the start of the Christmas break. At the same bar, Nico and Jack with a couple of his teammates arrived to celebrate the win. Nico spotted you at the bar.

“I’ll be right back, I just say hi to the girl I’m flirting with. I told you about her” Nico said to Jack and he nodded, trying to see what the girl looked like. He froze when he saw that the girl he’s hooking up with, is the mysterious girl that Nico told him about. 

You saw Nico and excused yourself from your friends. You hugged him and kissed his cheek. You two stood there for a couple of minutes chatting about your lives lately. Jack decided to interrupt you two.

“Hi Y/N” You heard and froze on the spot. You’ve been caught.

“Hi Jack, I didn’t know you were here too” You said trying to avoid their eyes on you.

“You two know each other?” Nico asked, confused. 

“Yes, she’s the girl I’m sleeping with” Jack answered and all you wanted was to disappear. 

“Is this true?” Nico asked you.

“I can explain” You took a deep breath and continued. “I met Jack in January and we kinda started hooking up but when he left, I met you and I thought Jack forgot about me so I focused on you but he wrote to me in September and we came back to what we had and later you also wrote to me and we started seeing each other. I swear, I didn’t know that you two are friends. I found out about this a couple weeks ago and wanted to stop seeing both of you but you’re great guys so I couldn’t” You were rambling.

“So you’ve been sleeping with me and Jack?” You nodded ashamed. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would you do that?”

“I-I don’t have an answer. All I can say is sorry for this mess” You wanted to cry.

“I have an idea how you can apologise” Jack started. “How about having sex in three?” You looked at him and before you could say something, Nico interrupted.

“I think it’s a great idea. Since she’s so greedy for both of us, I think we should do it” Nico spoke to Jack and both of them turned to face you. “What do you think?” 

“Umm, fine” You answered, wetness growing in your panties on the thought of both of them fucking you. 

You told your friends that you’re leaving them and the boys went to say the same thing to their teammates. When you left the club, Nico proposed to go to his place on which you and Jack agreed. You were excited but at the same time, you were nervous. You never had two guys at once but there was no coming back from this. 

Nico let you enter the apartment first. The minute the door was closed, you felt someone grab your arm and turned you around. Jack pulled you into a kiss and handed you to Nico. He kissed you and you felt that Jack was trying to take off your coat. You looked at them not sure of what they’re planning. In a quick move, Nico threw you on his shoulder and carried you to the bedroom. Jack followed him. 

Gently, Nico placed you on his bed and got rid of your dress. You felt overwhelmed feeling both guys eyes on you but Jack turned you around so you were laying on your stomach with ass and head hanging out from both sides. They were standing behind you and you couldn’t see anything. The only thing you heard was them taking off their clothes and whispering to each other. Jack went around the bed and kneeled in front of you so he could face you. 

“Who would have thought you’re such a slut? That one dick is not enough for you and has to fuck two guys” He placed his thumb on your bottom lip and you took it into your mouth. You started sucking his finger. “Such a dirty girl. Let’s fuck this behaviour out of you” 

Nico pulled down your panties and went with his fingers through your pussy. 

“So wet for us. Is the thought of being filled with two dicks turned you on?” You hummed around Jack’ thumb. 

Jack took out his thumb from your mouth and stood up. Your eyes were on the line of his dick. You pulled your hand from behind and started stroking his cock. You raised your head to look into his eyes. The next thing you felt was Nico’ dick deep down your pussy. You moaned loudly at this feeling of his cock stretching your tight hole. 

He was pounding into you roughly and with each move you became more vocal. Jack was tired of hearing you and decided to shut you with his dick. You gladly accepted his cock in your mouth. He grabbed your hair and face fuck you. You were moaning and gagging around him. Hot tears were spilling from your eyes.

You never felt so full like today. Nico’ dick was sunk deep down your pussy and he was thrusting into you with power. His hands were placed on your waist to keep you in place. You were sure that you’ll have bruises there tomorrow from his hard grip. Meanwhile, Jack’ tip was hitting the back of your throat. He was pushing your head deeper with each thrust. 

This felt incredible for you, to have both of them at the same time in you. They both were great in bed but being in this position, at their mercy was turning you on even more. You were close to your orgasm and Nico could feel it when your muscles were tightening around his length. 

“What do you think Jack? Does she deserve to cum? I can feel she’s close” Nico asked and Jack laughed. You looked at him with your teary eyes with his cock still in your mouth.

“Yeah, let her know how good we are for our slut” He replied and pushed your head and the tip of your nose hit his pubic bone. 

Nico placed his hand on your clit to stimulate you even more. Your orgasm hit you like a truck and you could see stars in your eyes. It was overwhelming feeling but he didn’t stop fucking you. He was trying to reach his own release. With one last thrust, he spilled his cum inside of you. 

He pulled out of you but Jack was still fucking your mouth. You could feel that he’s close because his dick was trembling inside your mouth. After a couple of seconds, you could feel his warm cum inside your mouth. You swallowed every drop of it and opened your mouth to prove him. He caressed your cheek and you smiled. Quickly, you turned to lay on your back and took a deep breath. 

“This was incredible” You breathed out. “We should do it again” You looked at them.

“I’m up for it” Jack chuckled.

You tried to stand up and get dressed when Nico stopped you. 

“You’re staying here tonight. You need to rest” He said. 

“But…” You started but he interrupted you.

“No, but. You’re tired and I’m not letting you go back” You sighed defeated. 

“I’ll leave you guys but we’re in touch” Jack said and placed a quick kiss on your forehead. “You were incredible today and Nico is right, you need to rest” Like that, Jack left you and Nico alone. 

Nico went to the kitchen and gave you a bottle of water to drink. He pulled the duvet over your naked body. He kissed your shoulder and brought you closer to his chest. He cuddled you to sleep and you never felt happier. Maybe having both of them around was a good idea - you thought before you fell asleep. 

[katiascraft]

✐ᝰ "You knew all too well i was right where you left me" | CL16 ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊

parings: retired!charles leclerc x writer!ex!reader

🔎 chapter one: “love is short but forgetting is so long”

🔎 chapter two: “did the love affair mail you too?”

chapter three: “you kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath” -> chapter four

summary: It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.

word count: +5k.

BLOG MASTERLIST - series masterlist

⋆˚࿔𝜗𝜚˚⋆

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arthurleclerc: AAAAAAAAAA need your feedback asap

arthurleclerc: which chapter are you on already? I cried on chapter 9 😭😭😭 so sad

arthurleclerc: i can't believe you're reading it tho

arthurleclerc: it's a beautiful book

arthurleclerc: she is really good with words i mean i SOBBED

arthurleclerc: when she said 'you kept me like a secret but i kept you like an oath. That's the difference. I was never important enough for you' let that shit sink in HEAVY

arthurleclerc: AND chapter 4????? Describes being in love so well it gave me chills i was thinking about carla the whole time

carlossainz: 🤨🤨🤨🤨 didnt know MY FRIEND charles READ ?????????

carlossainz: OH WAIT

landonorris: r u mad with me? I promise i won't hit on your ex 😔

landonorris: stop ignoring me charlie please 😭

⋆˚࿔𝜗𝜚˚⋆

He needed to be alone. It took him a few days to actually convince himself of reading it. After that nigh, he only could think of that fucking phrase: “just between us, did the love affair maim you too?”.

He took it personally. It did maim him. Of course it did. It still haunts him until now. Maybe Arthur was right. Maybe he needed to read that book to make a decision, whatever it may be, he had the feeling something was gonna change if he did. So he decided to take his yacht alone, and read, and spend time with himself. To reflect. He needed that.

The monaco sea was calmed so unlike he was in that moment, eyeing the pages rumbling around the thought of what was about to come when he started reading it for real. The sun was shining trying to keep him warm he thought, but he was shivering way too much by his liking. He found himself trapped in that feeling again. That feeling of not wanting to see the truth, to read how much he hurt her. 

But, maybe it was all fictional, right? Maybe Arthur didn't say it like it was about him, right? Maybe it was just another romance story of heartbreak. He shouldn’t take it so personally. It was not a big deal. He sighed. He didn't know what to believe but stopped hesitating much and jumped straight into chapter one. He ignored the greetings page. His anxiety just couldn't hold any more suspense. 

⋆˚࿔ the initial impact: the recognition of what he once was𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣 “chapter one: through the doorway it’s where all begun” 

“The story begins with the protagonist walking through the door of her lover’s life for the first time. The air is cold and sharp, autumn biting at her cheeks, but there’s something warm and inviting in the atmosphere, something inexplicably familiar. She is a stranger in this house, yet she feels oddly at home. His sister’s voice carries from the kitchen, and laughter filters through the walls. 

The protagonist is nervous, her fingers clutching the scarf around her neck as if it’s her last piece of armor. She’s stepping into a new world—his world—and is eager yet afraid of what she’ll find. Her lover greets her with a smile that melts her tension. His sweet disposition calms her. He notices the little things—how she shivers, how she blushes, how she hesitates before hanging her scarf by the door. That scarf, left behind by accident later that night, becomes a symbol of the connection they’re building, a connection that feels like fate but is still so fragile.”

After reading the first chapter he just couldn’t function properly. Or that was what he believed in that moment. He felt reflected in that damn character. Recognizing himself through her eyes made him gutted. All the moments she described felt our memories described in so profound detail turned into poetry. His body hair bristled. It was indeed him. Not only physical description but the way he talks to her, those words are specific. He called her ‘cheri’. The way he used to call her. The way he described it all blew his mind. The way she portrayed the first initial moment of your story together. He started to feel like an idiot. He knew you loved him for real, but this just confirms it. The chapter felt like watching an old picture, he could identify when and where but with these many details and specific feelings, it gives the picture another meaning. It's not only a memory. The memory of you became a piece of art. His heart was racing and a knot formed in his throat. He wasn’t  sure if keeping on reading will help him in any way, but curiosity was stronger than he thought and pushed him for another one. At the same time he wondered why he was doing this to himself, but it shows just how he did not close this chapter of his life at all. She was still there hunting him. She was always in the back of his mind.he could hear her talk when he slept. She was still real in his head. By the way, reading all of that just felt like yesterday. 

⋆˚࿔A profound nostalgia for it all𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣 ‘chapter two: the forgotten scarf’

‘Months later, the scarf sits in his drawer, forgotten by her but cherished by him. He doesn’t admit to anyone that he keeps it there, hidden under his old T-shirts. For him, it represents the innocence of their beginning, a time when love was simple and pure.

For her, the scarf is a fleeting memory. She remembers leaving it at his sister’s house but doesn’t think much of it. Yet every time the cold wind brushes against her neck, she feels its absence. She misses something she can’t name, and the scarf—though she doesn’t know it—is tied to that feeling. This chapter reflects on the weight of small objects and how they hold memories that people cannot let go of, even when the relationships tethered to them unravel.’

He was sure this chapter was fictional but he was really impressed by the way she portrayed the two faces of the same coin represented by the scarf that was left behind. He kind of thought about all of the presents he gave you, did you still have them? How did they make you feel? Did you still remember the backstory of every single one of them? Or maybe you just burned them after what he did to you. 

🧣 ‘chapter three: an upstate scape’

‘It’s a spontaneous road trip, one of those unplanned adventures that make life feel limitless. They’re driving upstate, the roads winding through fiery autumn landscapes. The protagonist’s wide-eyed wonder contrasts with his confident ease as he navigates the unfamiliar terrain.

They roll the windows down, letting the cold air rush in, mixing with the sound of their voices as they sing along to an old playlist. She looks at him, studying the way his hands grip the steering wheel, how his profile looks against the golden light of the setting sun. For a moment, she believes this is what happiness looks like—two people lost in the simplicity of the moment, away from the world.

As they stop by the side of the road to admire the leaves, she feels a sense of inevitability, as if everything in her life has led to this moment. But there’s an undercurrent of fear too—what if something so perfect is too good to last?’

He had a few tears stuck to his eyes. The way she described that road trip to the mountains just out of curiosity and wanting to get away from all of your responsibilities. You described it just like it happened but put all of your feelings around it. Now, he really knows how you’ve always felt about him back then. If he had any doubts about it, they wear clear ice now. You felt that love looked like him, in that moment, right there, with him. He made you feel happy and he rapid you like that? He just let himself cry. He actually hated himself so much at this moment. 

He couldn’t bear the feeling of what he actually did to you. Because even back then he had already met Alex, because she was a friend of a guy who was friends with him around that time. She was there, he saw her. Yet, he still came back to you everytime until he couldn't resist the temptation. He cheated on you. But that was something he promised to bury with himself. Now, there was no point in mentioning it. He can pretend it never existed. That’s what he thought was the best for everyone. The only one who knew it was Alex and he knew her all too well that she wouldn't be able to say it either because she doesn't look good at all as well. 

He stopped reading. He couldn't anymore, at least for now. He came back to the city, wanting to run away to his house and hide between his pillows. He was a 35 year old man with teenage emotional issues. He felt a bit ashamed. But who could blame him? He dedicated his whole life to racing. That was his job. He didn't have time to reflect on his life decisions until he had to retire due to knee injury during his, actually, last race here, in monaco. How ironic, where everything began, everything ended. 

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

The house was really quiet when he arrived. The weather was colder than expected. Wind started to blow a bit violently. He closed all of his windows and got into his pajamas. He wasn’t that hungry so that was all for the day. He took the book with him, not sure if he wanted to keep reading but he saw Arthur's messages to his story on instagram and he stayed rambling about it. What if he took just a few minutes to read the following chapter and break his heart for once and all? Was he scared? Yes, he was scared to death. She was in fact way too good with words, touching all of his soft or injured spots. 

He sled into bed making himself comfortable, as if it could keep him sane. He grabbed a pillow to hug and the book after putting on his reading glasses. He needed to hold something onto him. He felt really lonely. He felt miserable. He lost you over stupid and superficial feelings, when you were there waiting for him to marry you. 

He didn’t know if he’ll be able to forgive himself for it.

⋆˚࿔The pain of feeling reflected𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣  ‘chapter four: are you real?’

‘The story takes a deeper dive into their personalities. The protagonist is curious and eager, a dreamer who sees beauty in the smallest details. She notices the way his laugh lines crease when he smiles and the tenderness in his voice when he talks about his family. She feels like a child discovering the world through him.

He is steady and calm, but there’s a sadness in his eyes that she can’t quite place. He has a sweet disposition that masks his fear of vulnerability. This chapter explores how they balance each other—her lightness lifting his heaviness, his groundedness keeping her from floating away.

Their differences are part of what draws them together, but as the chapter closes, subtle hints suggest that these differences might also be what pulls them apart.’

🧣 ‘chapter five: the begging of the end’ 

‘A seemingly insignificant moment becomes pivotal. They’re driving through a quaint little town, the kind of place where time feels slower. She’s pointing out the decorations in the shop windows when he glances over at her, his eyes filled with something unspoken.

“Watch the road!” she laughs, but her heart skips a beat. He almost runs a red light, and they both burst into nervous laughter. The thrill of it, the recklessness, mirrors the intensity of their feelings.

As they walk down the town’s main street later, hand in hand, she feels invincible. The wind tangles her hair, and the crisp air fills her lungs. It’s a moment she knows she’ll remember forever, even if she doesn’t understand why it feels so significant at the time.’

🧣 ‘chapter six: enough for you’ 

‘This chapter brings the reader into his family home, a place filled with the echoes of his childhood. His mother pulls out a photo album, eager to share stories. The protagonist learns about the little boy he used to be—a shy kid with glasses who loved baseball but never quite fit in.

As she listens, she starts to piece together the man she loves, seeing how his past shaped him. But she also feels a pang of sadness. He talks about his dreams, but there’s a hesitation in his voice, as if he’s unsure of his place in the world. She wonders if she can be the person who helps him find it, but the weight of that responsibility begins to settle on her.’

Between a few lines he had to take breaks.but he couldn't stop reading. He needed more and more, addicted to the words and how she portrayed his attitudes towards her. Feeling addicted to the pain of seeing himself like that. He was an asshole. All because he believed something that was a lie he fabricated to private himself of something real. To push her away. To Protect him from getting hurt. What you had was beautiful but he had to break it. It was too beautiful to be real, he thought. He was insecure and scared. Scared of how much feelings he had for you and how much power that implied. He read every single page slowly, catching up every reference to you, to him, to what you called ‘ours’ so dearly. He fucked it up. He really fucked it up. 

He just needed a break from it. He decided to take a shower and go to sleep or try to. Now, he couldn't stop seeing your face with mascara falling down your face along with your tears the day he left. The day he left you and all of his most vulnerable parts of him with you. 

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Two days passed by really quickly in his opinion. He couldn’t dare to read another word from that fucking book until now. He woke up feeling ready again to confront the worst part of it. And to do so, as he likes to be his own biggest enemy, he went to the coffee shop that once was the restaurant he left you behind in. It was a pretty masochistic maneuver. But he didn't care anymore. After what he read the other day, his heart was already broken knowing how much he broke you down and didn't realize it sooner. 

It was a really cold, windy and grey day in monaco. He hated this weather so much. He went by foot, taking his time to do some breathing techniques that could help his anxiety. He looked dead in his opinion. Immsonio has been his best friend these past few days. He just didn't want to close his eyes knowing all he would see was your face. How you didn't smile at him back that afternoon. How you cried when he left you for another woman. And your smile when he asked you the first time. It's been 10 years, yet he didn't forget about the way your skin felt when he touched you, what used to be your favorite movie and how he always remembered you when he passed by a flower shop because you used to love flowers so much. And as his mission used to be to make you happy, he would buy you flowers everyday if he could. 

He slapped himself out of his mind when he realized he was thinking too much about you and the past, torturing himself with every random memory he could come up with. He really felt his brain hated him even though he is the one in control anyway. 

He stepped in the coffee shop making the bell on the door sound. It was chilly and there were only a few people. Fortunately it wasn't crowded so if he cried no one would notice. 

He chose to sit at the last table, on the darkest corner. He wanted to feel safe, and that spot made him feel he was very well hidden. He was playing so many mind games just to survive his own mind and emotions lately. 

He got comfy on his chair made out of chiffon. It was good, he thought. He was nervous. He in the deepest place of his heart, coming here was just to see you again. And maybe run to you and beg you to forgive him. But that was only a movie that played nonstop in his brain. You were nowhere to be found. He hoped you chose this place regularly to write as you were that day he saw you, but apparently it was just his imagination. Now he was sure you only came here on occasions or maybe that was the only time you came. Why would you come regularly to the place where he tore your life apart? He was sure you weren’t as masochistic as he was. You were the sane one, he bet. Probably you had a boyfriend who truly loved you and made plans with your nephews, like going to the beach and chasing birds or picnics at the square. You loved picnics and being outdoors. You wrote that down in your books. You were the only person he knew that enjoyed road trips so much. Just sitting there, observing everything, chatting and doing carpool karaoke. He remembered on a road trip like that he kissed you for the first time. You had that friends to lovers story. You don't trust people that easily. It was hard for you to lose your dad a year before he did. You didn't have that many friends. You were really reserved yet so sweet to everyone. You were just really selective. You didn't want to get attached to the wrong people. And then there he was, breaking everything apart: your trust, your self esteem, everything.

God, he hated himself. He hated himself so much he kept on reading right there where he ruined his life, your life. 

⋆˚࿔Pain in real time𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣 ‘chapter seven: ticking bomb’

‘It’s late at night, and they’re in his tiny apartment, dancing to a song playing softly from the radio. The refrigerator hums in the background, casting a dim light that bathes them in warmth.

She feels safe here, wrapped in his arms, laughing as he spins her around. It’s one of those moments where the rest of the world fades away, and all that exists is the two of them.

But as the music fades, a sense of fragility creeps in. She wonders if happiness like this can last or if it’s destined to slip through her fingers like everything else she’s ever loved.’

🧣 ‘chapter eight: lost in translation’

‘Misunderstandings begin to pile up. They argue over small things that feel bigger than they are. She starts to question if she’s asking for too much—more time, more effort, more love. He grows distant, retreating into his thoughts, unable to articulate what’s wrong.

This chapter captures the slow unraveling of their relationship, the way love can be chipped away by silence and unspoken words. They’re still together, but the cracks are starting to show’.

He was fighting his tears but he promised he will be strong. Biting his lip became an usual because of anxiety, he thought his lips would fall out. This time around he highlighted every phrase that caught his attention. He wanted to remember how such of a dick he was. 

She felt too much.

And he felt too little. 

They really got lost in translation. He was scared he became cold, she was so in love she became desperate. He didn't realize that and he was sure she didn't know what he was going through. He felt lame. If only he would have talked about it. Communication is a skill he didn't have back then, but did he have it now? He was no better with Alex but at least he was real and didn't cheat on her. 

That didn't make him feel better either. He was guilty, very guilty. Hands dirty. How would he even try to talk to her again? He was sure he didn't deserve her. After all this damage she wouldn’t even be near him like that. Yeah, he was considering what Carlos told him but to be fair he felt it was impossible.

The waitress left his coffee on the table and thanked her with a half smile. He thought she recognized him even though he was going grey already. But she didn't say anything and left him to enjoy his coffee and croissant. And his book of course though he looked really gutted. 

🧣 ‘chapter nine: a crumpled up piece of paper’

‘The breakup is devastating. He calls her, his voice cold and detached, and ends it with a blunt honesty that feels like a knife to her chest.

She’s left reeling, feeling like a crumpled piece of paper discarded on the floor. This chapter delves into her grief, the way heartbreak can make time feel endless and unbearable. She tries to forget him, but every corner of her world is filled with reminders’

She felt like a thing, an object. A broken record. An insignificant piece of paper. Of course he cried. He even brought his handkerchieves. 

He remembered he couldn't be there any longer. He just wanted to run away and he did. And that was selfish as hell. Incredibly selfish. He was so much thinking about himself and his feelings he forgot that she was part of the relationship too. That she also had feelings. He didn’t even let her ask him whatever she needed. He left her there eating her own words. He sobbed a little in silence hiding on his arm on the table trying to calm himself down. When did he think coming here to read this was even a good idea to begin with?

‘and i know it’s long gone and that magic’s not here no more’

‘You taught me about your past, thinking your future was me’ 

‘You kept me like a secret, but i kept you like an oath’

‘You called me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest’

‘They say all’s well that ends well, but i’m a new hell every time’

‘The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy , ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you’ 

Those last sentences ended with him. It was the worst one of them all. She confirmed he was selfish as fuck.  That made him so mad at himself. He felt ashamed and disappointed. Like, how can people actually love him? He had to disagree with carlo. He was indeed a monster. He was so distraught he had to leave that damn coffee shop as soon as possible. He left the money for everything he didn't even have and tip on top, and sprinted out of there just like you did when you saw him. How could he blame you? He was running scared from himself at that moment.or he tried because unfortunately he couldn't stop being himself. And accepting all of this was the hardest part. Arthur didn't give him a disclaimer and maybe that was the plan all along but now he was angry with him. Although he knew the only guilty was him. he also kept you like a secret, he didn't tell anyone about you. he was guilt of all charges. and he wasn't proud of himself for doing so.

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ 

The next few days, he came back every time to that coffee shop. Almost everyday. Desperate at the thought that maybe he would find you there. He didn't have a clue of what he would do if he saw you, but for some odd reason he wanted to see you. He didn't know anything about you. He didnt know which places you frequented. Neither where would you like to spend your time rather than your house. 

Of course, he didn't see you. And on one hand he was relieved but at the same time tortured. He gave up my tuesday. It was a beautiful sunny day. He came to visit Carlos and when he left home he decided he was gonna end the book. He was avoiding the balcony, your garden. Though, your house was really quiet, almost as if you weren't there. Maybe you didn't have your special someone yet. Or maybe you did and you were on holiday. 

He stopped himself from keeping on wondering nonsense shit he didn't know if it was real or not. He sat down on the sofas Carlos had near the pool with a blanket and a bottle of water. The sun was keeping him warm. The booked shined being reflected. He did unconsciously look over to your house as quietly as a few minutes ago when he last checked. It’s been two weeks since he last saw you. Or minutes ago when he sees you everytime he closes his eyes. 

⋆˚࿔ Self evaluation and reflection 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣 ‘chapter ten: time stands still’ 

‘Weeks turn into months, but time feels frozen. The protagonist struggles to move on, yearning for her old self—the person she was before she met him. She looks back on the “plaid shirt days” when everything felt simpler and wonders if she’ll ever feel whole again’.

Reading this chapter sent shivers down his spine. Hefelt she was describing exactly how he felt at that moment. The only difference in this book was writing at least 7 years ago (he googled you. You were pretty famous and he didn't know that), and he was feeling this right now. 

He wanted to go back in time and stay there, in the days he would wake up by your kisses and spend the days in bed laughing and gossiping about anything and everything. Back when innocence was part of your bond, so pure that it felt unbreakable. 

So sad it was just a feeling and not a fact. 

He wanted to punch himself in the face right there and then.

🧣 ‘chapter eleven: what was left’

‘From his perspective, the scarf remains a constant reminder of her. He can’t bring himself to throw it away because it still smells like her. It represents the innocence they lost, the love he didn’t know how to hold onto.

The chapter alternates between their perspectives, showing how they’re both haunted by the past in different ways.’

He laughed. How ironic life can be sometimes, right? This felt worse than the Ferrari strategy. But it felt real just like them. He couldn’t believe that even though she didn't know anything about him except from what she could see on the internet or tv, she knew perfectly how he felt. He was in a kind of panic. How could she?

🧣 ‘chapter twelve: back before we lost the one real thing we’ve ever known’ 

‘The protagonist revisits their happiest moments, remembering the rare connection they shared. She acknowledges that even though it’s gone, it was real, and that’s what makes it so hard to let go.’

‘I’d like to be my old shelf again but I’m still trying to find her’

‘And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?’

‘There we are again when I love you so, back before we lost the one real thing we’ve ever known’

He closed the book for a moment. Hanging into the mixed feeling he carried. He was looking nowhere. Deep thinking. She captured things he didn't understand until he read them. How? It was something so special, why? Why did I let her down? So many questions to so few limited answers. 

⋆˚࿔Admiration𝜗𝜚˚⋆

🧣 ‘chapter thirteen: remembering all too well’

‘The book closes with her accepting the weight of her memories. She realizes she doesn’t have to forget to move on. The love, the pain, the lessons—they’re all part of her story now. And while she’ll always remember it all too well, she’s ready to step forward into the unknown’.

He finally finished the book. It took you two weeks to go through it all. All he could think was ‘wow’. This was incredibly hard to read but how brave of her to write all of this. How strong she had to be. How brave to be so vulnerable. That’s something he won’t ever comprehend, he is so scared of being vulnerable. Always trying to be tight and invincible. It helped in racing but in life really complex things took place, not so much. 

He felt admiration, as the first time he saw you painting at the beach a beautiful piece of art. He wondered if you still paint. How ironic he left you for Alex, he thought. Even though he knew all of this was fictional, he knew you. Or he likes to think he does. He knew all of the phrases and thought that fit your character perfectly. He knew it was him and she was you. He was so trapped in his own feelings that he didn't realize how much you were giving to him. You gave him your everything and more. Now he gets it. It was incredible to him you created art with the pain he put you under. And even if he hated himself for that, he felt kind of grateful he could contribute to such a beautiful thing like this one. 

The love that was once there, he knew it still there. He knew all too well he felt it.

As he fell in love with you all over again.

“Charlie, mi amor! It's party night tonight! Woohoooo!” Carlos came out of nowhere and jumped on him funny, scaring him for a second.

“A party? On a tuesday?” Charles was confused but couldn't help laughing. Carlos always makes him laugh and his friendship was really important to him. He always likes to say to Carlos it’s the best thing racing gave him. 

“Why not pup? Don’t be old. When was your last party? You’re getting grey and anciano, help yourself a bit with vodka man! And women” he said with a mischievous smile moving his eyebrows at him funny. Charles laughed, shaking his head.

“Alright, alright. Let’s have fun for once” he surrendered to his friend and his ideas. 

“Woohoo. Get ready, we’ll go to buy everything right now. And Charles, please, get rid of that book mate. You need to move on" Carlos said to his best friend disappearing into the house leaving Charles alone again. 

“I wish i could” he said under his breath resigned and grabbed the book going into the house and left it on his backup. he thought it was a bit contradicting of what he told him a few nights ago but carlos tends to change his mind very quickly about things so it was no surprise for charles. 

Carlos was already waiting for him at the door shaking the keys of his ferrari on his fingers making charles laugh.

⋆˚࿔ TO BE CONTINUED 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

chapter four: here.

tag list: : @a-beaverhausen , @priniya , @annaluna12 , @thehoplessromanticclub , @emryb , @hadids-world , @kaztheemyth , @freyathehuntress , @diorbrxtz , @theseerbetweenus , @sie17136 , @leila-030304 , @charlesgirl16

author's note: writing this made me sad :( this took me so long to write my eyes hurt, but want it to be good <3

do we or do we not sympathize with charlie? i'll read you 👀

(sonny thank you for giving me this idea)

don't forget to reblog, comment or like! and follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together!)

[blood-starved-beast]

There's so much to unpack from this convo bruh.

How Moros's the most unsure - makes sense, cause he's the one with a net negative relationship experience. No bitches. But also you can see the hesitancy to approaching these feelings. This is a new unfamiliar experience for him.

Also I see that deflection there Nem. You're not avoiding talking about your feelings this time! I think Nem's still burned out from the fallout with Artemis, but also. Nem doesn't want to disrupt Mel and her task. 🥺

Also Nem implying that Mel plays dumb about these things. I don't think she plays dumb per se. I think Melinoe's deal is that she's so busy atm, she simply doesn't have for all that romance rn. So she just ignores it/puts it off. And we see that a bit in how she engages with that here. She's very emotional unavailable in this convo - "If you wish to know me better, wonderful." Girl how many hearts have you broken before this and walked it off??

And we know she did. That one convo with Dora that implies Mel has past casual sexual relationships, and we see that casualness here. I do believe Mel has a casual hookup culture going on (Aphrodite calls her a heartbreaker upon first meeting and compares her to herself) and combined with her whole autism blasting + insecurities, doesn't realize the extent of the effect she has on people. Or the breakups for that matter. Hooks up with people for stress relief, then thinking anything more serious isn't needed or isn't something she can get, ends it. Or simply it's as Mel says - she's someone who doesn't like to be bound, so she prefers more relaxed relationships perhaps? Or maybe even more than just two 👀. Again, the Aphrodite parallels.

I think Nem is aware of all that hence why she approaches Moros especially with how 1) Nem herself is jealous and has past relationship issues 2) it's part of Nem's domain and 3) Moros has no idea bout all that with Melinoe. Either way both Nem and Moros are not happy with the outcome of this convo so I suspect future drama.

And also.

The way the stars aligned in my file that out of all Eris convos to get at the same time. I get this one

And Eris sounded so despondent beforehand. A very sad hooray - that's what she said. It's like she overheard what her older siblings are talking about and got both upset but also!! She needs to get in on the action too! Get Trouble for herself!! Insane.

Then I walk over to Hecate and:

Hecate's out here teasing her about this. Melinoe literally cannot catch a break in my file 😭

[urperfectcinnamonroll07]

Baby, You're Like Lightning In A Bottle

requested?: no pairing(s): Jake Sim x afab!reader genre: Fluff and a smidge of angst, smut, college au, non-idol au warning(s): mentions of an age gap (not hugely mentioned, jake is older than reader), angry love confession in the rain (i think that should be a warning for all those romance book readers out there), smut, praise kink, two damn idiots in love, reader thinks jake is in love with someone else, jake nd reader get into a fight, pussy drunk jake(ish), oral (f&m recieveing), acarophilia, size kink, breast play, facefucking(?), squirting, hair pulling (ish), jake holds readers hand through her first time (yes, this is a warning, shush), body worship(ish) summary: 𝘫𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 word count: 3.6k (HOLY SHIT) a/n: so sorry the fic was not out for a while guys! i got caught up in bridgerton and completely forgot to start writing lmao. (plus i just suck at love confessions) hope you all enjoy, remember to eat and drink something, love yas, mwah! (p.s WTF THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST IVE EVER WRITTEN)

you and jake had always been best friends for a while, since you were born. he was a few years older than you, so he had always taken responsibility over you. Every heartbreak you went through, he was there, every date who stood you up, he was there. every fight you had with your parents, he was there. every single event that happened in your life, he was there.

even when you didn’t want him to be, even when you were angry at a stupid little boy for breaking your heart, he was there and you could not deny that you felt something towards the boy.

little did you know, jake reciprocated those feelings, because, everything he was there for, you were there for more. through everything. when his first girlfriend cheated on him, when he got stood up from dates. you were there through every heartbreak, every fight. you two were always there for eachother.

recently, you hadn’t been paying that much attention to your own love life and needs, mostly getting other people together and giving relationship advice even though the only ones you had ever been in were toxic. you were really good at paying attention to other people and how their body language changed around the people they liked, whether it be romantically or platonically. You were also really good at noticing how fast jake had fallen in love with a specific girl, lily.

you were heartbroken, naturally, but you did what had to be done. you had tried to set the two of them up over and over. lily had never shut up about how much she liked jake, no matter how many times you ignored her and made it obvious you could not give a single fuck about how much she loved jake.

you didn’t care because you loved jake. nobody knew him as well as you did. but, lily was your friend and so was jake, so you set them up. or at least tried to.

jake had just gotten back from a date with lily, and by the looks of things, it wasn’t a good one. the thing was, you hadn’t told jake a very crucial piece of information. you had gotten accepted into a university that would help you take on your dream job, but it was in london, and since you were both in college in new york, it would mean having to move ages away. jake was pissed when he came back, claiming the whole date was just shit because lily had only talked about herself the whole time and knew absolutely nothing about jake.

you had tried to calm him down and convince him to go on another date, but he just ended up blowing up on you. so you shut up, taking your coat and leaving your and his dorm. it was storming outside, and you needed to blow off steam, and try to calm yourself down before you did anything drastic which you would definitely regret later.

“where are you going?” jake said, following you outside. everything had built up recently and it just now had hit you how much you had been neglecting your own feelings compared to everyone else’s, so you ignored his protests and began to walk to your favourite café. “c’mon, sunshine, you can’t run away forever”

“i got into a university in london” you blurt out. jake looked at you as if you were joking, it was obvious you weren’t, you sighed deeply and turned away from him. “i didn’t tell you because i wanted you to be happy with lily for a while before i left”

“so you were just gonna leave without saying anything?” he says. you couldn’t tell if it were tears or the rain, but something was beginning to fall down your cheeks. “answer me!” he close to yells.

“yes! yes, okay, i was going to leave without saying anything. i didn’t want to make you sad when you had lily” you almost yell back.

there was a pause between the two of you. you could see the gears turning inside jake’s head. it took him a while before he decided to speak again.

“what about me and lily?” he says, taking a step closer to you. you were both at a safe distance from eachother, but another three large strides could change that. you, however, stayed rooted to the spot.

you furrowed your brows in confusion, stammering out a response.

“i… i thought you liked lily? she likes you, so i set you two up” you say. yup, it was definitely tears.

“no? i don’t like lily, well, not like that at least” he pauses “you’re too caught up in matching other people you forgot about yourself. your own needs. you need to find love too, sunshine” he takes a step closer to you, this time you react, taking a step back to distance yourself.

“lily loves you” you whisper “i can’t do that to her” you take another step back.

“for fucks sakes, when will you put other people aside and do something for yourself?” jake says frustratedly.

there was a beat of silence, then two, then three. none of you spoke. you felt like you couldn’t breathe, even though there was so much air. you turned away, running a hand down your face.

“its you. its always been you” jake speaks, you turn around.

“what?” you ask in a tired tone.

“i am in love with you” he takes a step towards you “ever since we were friends as kids. ever since we met eachother, i have been madly in love with you, sunshine. i have never been able to get you out of my goddamn head, and it kills me. it kills me to know you tried to match me up with someone just because you refuse to believe that it is you who somebody is in love with, its you that i am in love with. you have never left my head, your face, your body, your voice. you are the kindest, selfless person i have ever met. you put yourself before anybody else because you don’t like the thought of people getting left out. you always make everyone feel included even if it means you miss out, because you don’t want someone else to be the outcast. your eyes glint when you laugh, you scrunch your nose when you taste something you don’t like, you furrow your brows and bite your lip when you’re concentrated on something” you didn’t notice until now how close he had gotten.

you gasped softly as his fingers met your chin, his thumb and index finger lifting your face up so you were looking at him.

“i love you sunshine, and nothing will ever change that” he whispers before closing the gap between your faces. both of his hands were firmly placed on your cheeks, keeping you in place where you were.

it took you a few seconds to register what was going on, your stomach erupted in butterflies, your body went tingly and your knees almost gave out, but you steadied yourself by wrapping your arms around jake’s neck. it was almost subconscious the way your lips moved against his, the kiss was soft and languid, nothing like you had ever felt before. the kiss was loving, sweet, something that your past relationships never had.

by the time you both pulled away, you were panting a little while gazing into eachother’s sparkling eyes.

“i know everything about you, and you know everything about me” he whispers, “i know what you want the most”

“and what’s that?” you questioned, whispering with him.

“you want love. you want a man to scoop you off of your feet and bow down to you. submit to you” he whispers, his face slowly getting closer and closer to yours, the smirk was evident on his face “but right now? right now your eyes are telling me you want me to take you right back to our dorm and fuck you the way your tight little pussy deserves” then it hit you.

you were eighteen, he was twenty-two, and you were a fucking virgin. by the look on your face, jake’s smirk widened. of course he knew you were a virgin, the both of you told eachother everything, like, everything. he told you the first time he had sex, hell, he even told you what he was into during sex. when he had asked you, you tried to steer off topic, but that’s when he asked if you were a virgin and you said yes, very bashfully. but jake left it, you hadn’t revisited the topic, well, not until now.

“jake i’m-“ he cuts you off.

“a virgin? i know, sunshine. you don’t need to worry, i’ll take care of you” he smiled before lifting you up by the backs of your thighs and wraps them around his waist, supporting your full weight with his large hands on your ass.

it didn’t take long for jake to be kicking the door open to your dorm, kicking it shut behind him and wasting no time to lay you down on the bed. he leaned down to kiss you again, groaning against your lips when your hips involuntarily rolled up into his. you had your fair share of make out sessions, but you didn’t know how to do the full thing.

jake pulled away and looked at you a smirk was still playing on his face. he didn’t waste any time in attacking your neck with kisses, leaving small red bites that would be sure to leave a mark by tomorrow. he kissed down your collarbone, nipping and sucking as he travelled down.

both your clothes had stuck to your body due to the rain, so he had to put a lot of effort in to peel your top off of your body.

“god, you have no idea how long i have been waiting to do this” he whispers against your chest, his hands reaching behind you to unclasp your bra (which he was somehow very skilled in and got it off almost immediately). he attached his lips to one of your tits, sucking and licking the pebbled bud, and massaging the other in his free hand. you let out lewd moans as he did so, and he eventually switched over to the other tit, giving it as much attention as he did the other, before beginning to kiss down your body again.

as he slowly moved down, he whispered soft praises like “so gorgeous” or “so soft and pretty for me, sunshine” before he reached the waistband of your pants. he looked up at you through his lashes before you nodded softly, giving him the answer he needed in order to carry on. again, jake had to peel off your pants, along with your panties. as he got the pants down to your ankles, he sat up on his knees, taking one of your ankles in his hand and taking your shoe off, then moving your pants off fully, before repeating this action on the other. he left small pecks on your shins as he did so.

it didn’t take long before he was settled in-between your legs again, face to face with your glistening cunt.

“god, you’re so wet for me. so pretty sunshine” he muttered, kissing the insides of both of your thighs before moving to your clit, leaving a small peck on it. he smirked as you bucked your hips towards his face and let out a small whimper.

jake decided he had probably teased you enough and grasped at your thighs, pulling you towards him before his mouth attaches to your pussy, licking a thick stripe up before flicking his tongue against your clit. you moan out, your left hand coming down to his hair and tugging gently. with this, jake drifted his hand up to your chest, allowing your right hand to latch onto his finger. you held his index finger in your hand, your full hand wrapping around it.

“so small” he mutters against your cunt, making you squirm in his grasp. jake doesn’t let up, keeping up with sucking and licking at your cunt, your juices dripping down his chin. your moans began to get higher in pitch and a lot more frantic as he made his tongue go faster, fucking it in and out of you, his nose bumping your clit.

you soon felt a tight sensation in your stomach, your pleasure eventually drove you over the edge. and before you knew it, your eyes were rolled back, your head thrown back along with them. your back was arched as liquid left your cunt. jake still didn’t let out, allowing you to ride out your high on his face. soon, parts of your vision began to come back as you came down from your high.

jake was still between your legs, smirking up at you. his chin was slick with your juices, as he got up to eye level with you, he used the back of his hand to wipe off your juices.

“never took you for a squirter, sunshine” jake husks, “i always knew you would taste good, though, but not that good”

you felt so embarrassed. there was no way you just did that. you tried to turn away from him, attempting to roll on your side.

“nuh uh uh” jake tuts, pinning you down underneath him, looking down into your sparkling eyes. “i wanna know what else that pretty mouth of yours can do other than whine and moan while i stick my tongue inside your pretty pussy” he smirks.

jake grabbed his shirt and quickly got rid of it, revealing his toned abs and v-line. he then grabbed your hips and flipped you both so you were sat on his lap while he was sat on the edge of the bed. he grabbed your small hands in his and placed them on his belt. you knew what he was asking you to do, so you quickly removed his belt, peeling down his jeans and boxers. your eyes widened as his length, struggling to take in how big he was. how were you ever going to take him in your mouth? never mind your cunt.

“don’t worry, sunshine. i’ll make sure it fits” he smiles softly, stroking your cheek with his thumb. he helped you down onto your knees in front of him, you swallowed thickly, trying to think of any way you weren’t going to gag on his length. “you aren’t gonna gag, gonna teach you a little trick” you nod in response, settling your palms on his thighs. “you’re gonna put your thumb in the palm of your hand, like this” he shows you what to do, and you copy “then the rest of your fingers are gonna go around your thumb” he does the action, and again, you copy.

he let you get yourself ready and comfortable, before he allowed you to open your mouth and take him inside of it. his hand immediately flew to your hair, tugging harshly before gathering all of it into a ponytail and shoving your face down fully, making you take his full length inside of your mouth.

his tip hit the back of your throat, making you gag a little, but not much before you remembered what jake taught you. jake groans deeply when he feels your throat contract around him.

“fuck, you’re a natural, sunshine” jake husks, his hips rutting up to meet your mouth whenever you bob your head on his cock. he filled your mouth perfectly, a mixture of his pre-cum and your saliva dripping down your chin and onto your bedding. soon, you forgot about the trick jake had taught you as your mouth was too full for you to fully comprehend what he was saying.

it only took a few more gags for jake to be coming down your throat, his length so far into your mouth that it was practically forcing you to swallow every drop he gave you. you sat back up on your knees.

“open” jake had a hold of your chin with his thumb and index finger, forcing you to look up at him. but, you do as he says, opening your mouth so he can see you had swallowed every drop. he smiles and allows you to close your mouth, “good girl” he coos.

jake stands you up and flips you both around so your knees fall over the side of the bed and you fall back onto it. jake attaches his lips to yours, pushing your thighs apart with his forearms. he wasted no time in lining his tip up with your entrance before pulling away from the kiss, his face hovering not far from yours.

“this is gonna hurt for a minute” he whispers, you nod, positioning your hands on his back. you didn’t know what you expected when he pushed his meaty cock inside of you, fulling you up entirely. the stretch was painful at first, but you soon adjusted around the fatness of his dick.

you nodded to give him the good to go, and he took that opportunity. jake took his cock out of your tight pussy, until only the tip remained before pushing back into you at a fast but gentle pace. you whimpered at the feeling, the pleasure mixed with the pain. it was all too much, but it felt so good at the same time.

jake’s pace fastened, and you arched your back into jake. your nails dug into the skin of jake’s back, creating little indents and red marks on his back, occasionally drawing blood. you were too blindsided by pleasure to care, you were most likely going to care later though. above you, jake looked too dazed to care too. he was in love with the feeling of your pussy, how it so snuggly accommodates his length, how it clamps around him whenever he hits that gummy spot inside of you.

all the while, his hand had snuck up to where your hand was om his back, bringing it down to your side and allowing you to wrap your fingers around his index finger as you had done before.

jake pulls your left leg up to press against your chest, your right leg moving around his waist to keep him close, giving him a new angle to slam into you and pistol his hips into yours to abuse your g-spot over and over. you mewled whimpered and whined as he did so, your poor cunny dripping with how good he made you feel, it was impossible not to be so wet when you had the hottest man on earth ramming into your hole with so much force you could practically see stars.

your nails dug into his back even harder, your eyes rolling back and back arching even more when he delivered a particularly hard thrust to that gummy spot inside of you. you moaned out loudly as you came, at this point not caring if anyone had heard your late night shenanigans.

you were too fucked out to care, jake whispering small praises, but his pace never faltered, his hips still pistoling into yours at such a force you almost came again. your slick coated jake’s fat meaty cock as he pulled out and came all over your right thigh with a deep groan of your name.

it took you both a few moments to find eachother again before you gazed into eachother’s eyes. your chests were both heaving, trying to catch your breathes in your post-orgasm bliss. it wasn’t long before jake was up and leaving the room to the attached bathroom. he appeared a few moments later and picked you up bridal style, and taking you to the bathroom. there was a prepared warm bath with bubbles, all for you and him.

he softly placed you in the bathtub, before managing to shimmy in behind you, having you sit in between his legs. you layed your head back into his chest, allowing him to massage your scalp.

“you’re so perfect, your body is so soft and perfect sunshine” he murmurs. “did so good f’me, gonna be a little sore tomorrow, but i’ll help you, don’t worry” he pecks the crown of your head.

“did you really mean what you said before?” you whispered after a while, looking up at him with your doe eyes that he loved so very much.

“about how much i love you, or about how much your pussy needs to be fucked?” he smirks, you swat his chest, but not hard enough for it to hurt.

“yes, i meant it sunshine” he says lowly “i do love you, and i always have” he says softly. he smiles down at you and leans down.

jake presses your lips into a kiss, a lot more soft and sensual from your previous activities.

“but i still did mean what i said about your tight little pussy needing to get fucked. i’m glad you let me be your first, sunshine” he smiles, pulling away from the kiss.

“and i’m glad you agreed to be my first” you smile back, leaning up to press your lips into a kiss once again. fuck lily, you would deal with her in the morning.

“and i’m going with you” jake murmured against your lips.

“jake-“ you try to argue, pulling away from his lips, but he cuts you off.

“i don’t wanna hear it. wherever you go, i go, and i’m always gonna be with you, no matter what” he whispers, pulling you into another kiss.

this time you wouldn’t argue, simply because part of you wanted him to go with you, but you were never going to admit it for as long as you lived.

[softhwl]

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚 Quick Ride

(2k) | cw: age gap, fingering, riding, unprotected sex, dirty talk, clit play, praising

A few minutes passed and they were on the road, him driving and her sitting like he titled her his passenger princess. The lights from the nightlife in the streets lit her face, letting logan sneak in looks, analyzing her. 

"Its not safe to let an old man drive you home ya' know" he gruffed, keeping his eyes locked to the road.

"You saying I should be scared?"

"...No. Just seems like you dont care what happens. Reckless." he said lowly.  

"Right- I forgot older people love living the same day every day, my bad" she stiffeled a laugh.

He turned his attention back to the road, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as he navigated the busy city streets. It was late, but the nightlife was still in full swing, with people spilling out of bars and clubs onto the sidewalks.

"So, where exactly are we headed, princess?" he asked, his voice low and gravelly. "Got a place of your own, or are you crashing with friends tonight?"

He knew he probably shouldn't be asking such personal questions, but something about this girl drew him in. Maybe it was the way she challenged him, or the sparkle in her eye that hinted at hidden depths. Whatever it was, he found himself wanting to know more.

"Friends house...bachelors night" She raised her eyebrows with fake enthusiasm making him chuckle.

 "Not a fan of romance?"

"...I dont know, I like the idea of love, but it never satisfies me in reality, I always end up bored" she admitted. She felt foolish for confiding a random burst of personal truth to him but something drew her to him. 

"You?"  looking to him as he drove. She took the chance to analyze him more specifically. His features, his grip on the wheel, the subtle bulge that his pants formed.

Logan let out a low, rumbling chuckle at her admission, his eyes flickering over to meet hers for a brief moment before returning to the road ahead. "Love's a funny thing, ain't it? Never quite works out the way we want it to," he mused, his voice tinged with a hint of bitterness.

He shifted in his seat, the leather creaking beneath him as he adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. "As for me...let's just say I've had my fair share of heartbreak. Learned the hard way that it's easier to keep people at arm's length."

His gaze drifted to her lips for a fleeting second before he caught himself, clearing his throat awkwardly. "But hey, that's just me. Maybe you'll find someone who can keep up with you, give you what you need."

He pulled up to a red light, the glow of the streetlamps casting an eerie orange hue across her face. In that moment, he couldn't help but notice the way her dress hugged her curves, the soft swell of her breasts rising and falling with each breath.

Logan swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry as he tore his gaze away. "So, uh... which way to your friend's place?" he asked gruffly, trying to distract himself from the inappropriate thoughts creeping into his head.

"Just two blocks down to the right, it'll be the only house with the driveway lit up" she said softly, feeling slightly flustered. She noticed his stare, the unique glimmer in his eyes. She felt herself lick her lips subtly, suddenly having the returning feeling of longing. Her eyes trailed down to his hands on the steering wheel once again. Taboo thoughts filled her head, making her subconsciously clench her thighs.

Logan followed her directions, turning down the street and pulling up to the house she indicated. As he put the car in park, he couldn't help but notice the way her thighs clenched together, the movement drawing his eye to the creamy skin exposed by her short dress. He cleared his throat, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than the growing heat in his groin.

But as he looked at her, with her hair tousled and her eyes dark with some unspoken desire, he found himself wondering if maybe she wasn't quite ready for the night to end. And truth be told, neither was he. Slowly, deliberately, he reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair from her face, his fingers grazing her cheek. 

"You keep looking at my hands..why?" he murmured, his voice low and husky. His hand dropped to her thigh, his touch searing even through the thin fabric of her dress, her breath hitching slightly.

"You usually go after older guys?" he mumbled gruffily, belittling her.

"...not usually" she said no louder than a whisper, nearly ashamed.

 "Tell me what you want to do now. We're here, the balls in your court" he said sternly. She watched as his fingers press soft circles on her inner thigh.

 "I-...I should get-" she tried.

Logan's hand slid further up her thigh, his touch firm and possessive. He could feel the heat of her skin through the thin fabric of her dress, and it sent a jolt of desire straight to his core.

"You should get inside, huh?" he murmured, his voice low and gravelly. "Or maybe you want to stay out here a little longer, princess. See where this leads."

His other hand came up to cup her jaw, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip. She was so soft, so responsive to his touch. He could tell she wanted him, even if she was too shy to admit it.

"I can be rough, sweetheart," he warned, his hazel eyes boring into hers. "If you can't handle it, you better run along now."

But even as he said the words, he knew she wouldn't leave. There was a fire in her eyes, a hunger that matched his own. And he was more than happy to oblige.

Slowly, he leaned in closer, his breath ghosting over her ear. "Tell me what you want, pretty," he growled, nipping at her earlobe. "And maybe I'll give it to you."

She parted her lips slightly, in awe of his touch. "You" she softly swallowed.

Logan's eyes darkened with lust at her breathy response, a low growl rumbling in his chest. He could smell her arousal, sweet and heady, and it made his blood sing with primal need.

"That's what I like to hear, princess," he rasped, his hand sliding higher, his fingers brushing against the damp lace of her panties. "You want this old man to make you feel good, don't you?"

He pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing slow, firm circles, relishing the way she gasped and squirmed beneath his touch. His other hand tangled in her hair, tugging her head back to expose the slender column of her throat.

"Such a mess for me already" he chuckled, his teeth grazing her pulse point. "Spread your legs a little wider" he ordered in a mumble. She acted quickly, spreading her legs shyly as she looked out at the window making sure no one was out on the street seeing her own pathetic acts. Her soft moans picked up as she began to fill the empty limo.

Logan's fingers delved beneath her panties, finding her slick and ready. He groaned at the feel of her, hot and wet against his calloused skin. "Fuck, you're soaked," he growled, sliding a finger inside her tight channel. She was so small, so tight, gripping him like a vice. He pumped his finger slowly, savoring the sound of her needy whimpers.

Logan's fingers delved deeper, curling to stroke that sensitive spot inside her. His thumb circled her clit, pressing down just enough to make her see stars."That's it, baby," he crooned, his voice low and rough with desire. "Let me hear how much you like it."

She was so responsive, so eager to please him. He could feel her walls fluttering around his fingers, could hear the hitch in her breath as he brought her closer to the edge.

But he wanted more. He wanted to taste her, to feel her come undone on him. With a final thrust of his fingers, he pulled them away, bringing them to his mouth to lick them clean.

"Mm, you taste so fucking good," he groaned, his eyes dark with hunger. "Now I want to see you come for me, princess. Touch yourself for me, nice and slow."

He sat back in his seat, watching her intently as she began to explore her own body. Her hands trembled slightly as she slid them beneath her skirt, her fingers seeking out her aching clit.

Logan licked his lips, his cock throbbing in his pants as he watched her pleasure herself. She was so beautiful like this, all flushed and needy.

"L-Lo" she whimpered, feeling herself hug her own hands with her thighs, coming undone at the distress she was in over him.

Logan's eyes darkened with lust as he watched her come undone, her body trembling with the force of her orgasm. He could see the way her skin flushed, the way her lips parted as she gasped for breath. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Slowly, he reached out and pulled her into his lap, his strong arms wrapping around her waist. He could feel the heat of her body through the thin fabric of her dress, and it made his cock throb with need.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful when you let go like that," he murmured, his voice low and gravelly. "I want to make you feel even better, baby. Want to see you become a mess on my cock."

His hands slid down to grip her ass, squeezing the plump flesh as he ground his hips up against her core. She could feel how hard he was, how much he wanted her.

"You want that, don't you?" he growled, his teeth nipping at her earlobe. "Want me to fuck you right here in this limo, where anyone could see?"

He knew he was being reckless, knew he should take her inside and lock the door before they did anything else. But the thrill of possibly getting caught, of showing off his prize, was too tempting to resist.

"Beg for it, baby"

"Fuck me" she breathlessly begged. She rested her hands on his chest as he lifted her ass to hover his bulge while he unbuckled, swiftly pulling his erect length out.

Logan wasted no time, swiftly pulling her panties to the side and positioning himself at her entrance. He could feel her heat, her wetness, and it made his cock throb with anticipation.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he groaned as he pushed inside, stretching her open around his thick length. She gasped at the intrusion, her walls clenching around him like a vice.

He set a brutal pace from the start, pounding into her with deep, powerful strokes. The limo rocked with the force of his thrusts, the leather seats creaking beneath them.

"Take it," he growled, his hands gripping her hips hard enough to bruise. "Fucking take my cock like you need it."

"Shit" she panted as he guided her up and down, her head slightly hitting the roof of the limo. "Right there- right there-" she moaned, softly smiling in ecstasy.

He achieved what no one else could, finding all the right spots for her. Logan smirked at her reaction, pleased that he could make her feel so good. He loved the way she clenched around him, the way her body responded to his every touch.

He changed his angle slightly, hitting that sweet spot inside her with every thrust. Her moans grew louder, more desperate, and it spurred him on.

"That's it, baby," he rasped, his voice strained with pleasure. "Moan for me. Let everyone know who's making you feel this good."

He could feel his own release building, his balls tightening as he neared the edge. But he wasn't about to let go just yet. He wanted to feel her come first, wanted to see her fall apart in his arms.

His hand slid between their bodies, finding her clit and rubbing it in firm, steady circles. He could feel her trembling, could hear the hitch in her breath as she teetered on the brink. Her back hit the steering wheel slightly as she arched for him, making the limo honk as he readjusted their position.

Logan grunted as he felt her body tense, her walls fluttering around his cock as she teetered on the edge of orgasm. He could see the desperation in her eyes, the way she clung to him like he was her lifeline.

With a final thrust, he sent her over, her body convulsing with the force of her release. She cried out, her voice echoing off the walls of the limo, and it was music to his ears.

He followed soon after, his own orgasm crashing over him like a tidal wave. He buried his face in her neck, muffling his groans as he spilled himself deep inside her.

For a long moment, they simply clung to each other, their bodies trembling with the aftershocks of their shared pleasure. Logan could feel the stickiness between their bodies, the evidence of their coupling, and it made him grin.

"Fuck, that was good," he rasped, pressing a kiss to her temple.

He knew he should let her go, should send her on her way before things got any more complicated. But he found himself reluctant to let her out of his sight, to lose the warmth of her body against his.

[strwbabydoll]

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; best friend!harry x fem!reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; time apart helps both Harry and Y/N learn more about themselves and their feelings.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 3.1k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; slight angst? i’m pretty sure that’s it!

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬; hi hello! here’s the long awaited part two! part one is linked here for anyone who hasn’t read it yet! i hope you all like it <3

- - - -

Heartbreak is always one of the worst pains, but Harry thinks the absence of someone that’s been in your life for as long as you can remember hurts worse. It’s been a week since Y/N said she needed space after confessing her feelings for him and he’s just miserable. He’s not as happy as he normally is, and it seems as if everything reminds him of her. Even the things his girlfriend Liv does reminds him of his best friend, he’s found himself comparing the two.

He doesn’t mean any harm honestly, just sometimes Liv will do something and his mind will go back to how Y/N would do the same thing just differently. For instance, Liv is on her way to bring him some tea in hope it’ll cheer him up at least just a little bit, Harry’s excited to try her tea. It’s one of his favorite drinks if he’s being honest. A knock comes from the door and he tells his roommate that he’ll get it, he’s already standing up and making his way to the door. When he opens it, Liv is standing in front of him sporting a bright smile and happiness.

“Hi, hon. I brought you that tea I was talking about!” She says and he smiles back, a little hesitant but excited nonetheless.

“Thanks, babe. Come on in, I hope you don’t mind that my roommate’s here.” He says and she shakes her head, his mate’s never been a problem with Liz, the one thing he notices is different from Y/N. Liz is more natural hanging around in the boys’ dorm whereas Y/N tended to not want to come over. Something about the smell and how loud the halls are, he doesn’t blame her most of the time though. Liz walks over and makes herself comfortable on the arm rest of the chair Harry was sitting at before, ushering him over excitedly. He chuckles as he makes his way over, reminding him of how Y/N would act whenever she’s excited to show him something.

He sits down and she hands the cup to him, it's warm but not too hot, he’s assuming the walk here helped cool it down. He takes a hesitant sip, he doesn’t want to take too big of a sip just in case he doesn’t like it. It’s good, sweet but still has that leafy taste and it flows nicely. It’s not overwhelming with any of the tastes and it’s just.. good. He smiles as he stares at the cup, his mind wandering back to Y/N. He always enjoyed her tea, she always managed to create the perfect balance and temperature. Y/N makes the perfect tea, will always be better than anyone’s, better than Liz’s.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Y/N right now though, so he blinks twice to clear his head and turns to his girlfriend.

“It’s good, thank you. I appreciate you doing this for me, I know you didn’t have to.” He says and she just laughs.

“I know, I wanted to, H. It’s no big deal really.” She says. He feels bad, ever since he and Y/N stopped talking as much, he’s found himself comparing the way Liz cooks and acts to Y/N.

Y/N likes to wear more cozy clothes unless it’s actually going out, where she feels like she needs to impress someone whereas Liz tends to dress up all the time. She’s always dressed in nice looking clothes and adorned in jewelry and smells nice. He likes that Y/N always felt comfortable with him and didn’t feel the need to impress him, not that he doesn’t like that Liz puts forth all this effort into her looks because he does. Whenever he and Liz go to watch a movie, she normally wants to watch something with romance but occasionally she’ll tell Harry to turn on whatever he wants if she’s coming over for a nap.

Y/N usually put on a comedy movie and sometimes they ended up being a rom-com but they always alternate days so Harry can feel included. He misses that, he misses Y/N. He’s not sure if they’ll ever talk again, he thinks her dramatics are rubbing off on him. He just hates the absence of her, he never realized just how happy she made him feel. She made him feel warm and sometimes he’s got those silly butterflies whenever he looks at her, but he just assumed that was normal for how close of a friendship they had. He never realized just how much time they spent together, how special she was and how different from his other love interests he’s had.

But he’s never considered Y/N as a love interest, she’s always just been his best friend. Sure enough, he did like to flirt with her a little bit whenever he was drunk but that was only because he liked seeing her all flustered. He thought it was cute and it was hard for him to get her like that. Yeah, he loved her but in the same way friends love each other, it’s normal for them to say it before leaving or just because. They’ve always been just friends, the best of friends and that’s how they were supposed to be.

He feels a tap on his shoulder, a soft touch to bring him out of his mind, he’s been doing that almost daily.

“You’re thinking about her again, Haz. Can’t we just hang out without her taking your attention? This is good, it allows you to be your own person now.” Liz says sweetly, genuinely. She tries to be supportive, she really does but there’s just so long you can watch your boyfriend be heartbroken over a girl, especially one he never dated. They haven’t even been dating long, but they had only been dating for a couple of days before Harry told her she had to meet his best friend. Ever since Y/N shut the door on them and he had ushered her back so he could try to talk to his best friend and figure everything out with tears beginning to fill his eyes, it’s just been a repeat of the same days over and over again.

- - - -

When Harry walks the halls, he can’t help but to hope that he’ll be able to see Y/N on her way to class. He admits that it’s weird not walking her to class and being around her, it was their norm for quite a while. A part of him hopes that when he sees her that she’s just as miserable as him but he feels bad about that, he wants her to be happy. He wants to see that she’s doing well and that she’s happy. He always loved to see her happy, it just looked so good on her. So when he sees her sporting a bright smile as she talks with two people he hasn’t seen before, it makes his heart skip a beat and hurt a little at the same time. He’s happy that she’s doing well, he really is, it just hurts that he’s not the cause of the bright smile on her face.

He hopes that she’ll look over here so he can wave, just a small acknowledgment would hold him over he thinks. The halls are crowded and loud, he can’t help but to sigh as he accidentally bumps into someone. She always had this magnetic aura to her, always had his gaze being pulled to her. Ever since she called for a break, she’s all he’s ever been able to think about, the main thing he looks at and for. He wants even the smallest attention from her, it helps the pain in his heart.

He watches as her head turns just the slightest and their eyes meet, a warm feeling enveloping Harry as he smiles and waves at her. She just gives him the same smile she’s always given him, warm, friendly and loving, and waves back. The pain goes away leaving a happy feeling in his chest, he doesn’t feel bad about bumping into students in the hall. He watches as she walks away before making his way to his own class.

- - - -

Y/N doesn’t miss Harry as much as she thought she would. That’s a lie, she misses him terribly but after a couple of days moping and several streams of tears shed, she thinks she’s doing okay. He stays on her mind but she’s able to tune those memories out by doing the activities she likes. She joined some book club on campus and made a couple of friends that enjoy some of the same stuff she does, which is such a relief. While Harry listened and tried his best to participate in things she enjoyed but some stuff he just never got into the way she did.

The past week she’s been attending the book club and talking about the books they’re reading, she’s cut back on some of the stuff she used to do. She dropped out of two of her classes that she did just for fun and stopped volunteering every week to give herself more time to relax. She walks with them to class when she can, and they talk on the phone sometimes. She’s happy for the most part, happier than she thought she would be.

Don’t get her wrong, she still gets upset over the fact that Harry isn’t around all of the time, it’s usually late at night or early in the morning when she misses him the most. She misses him when his favorite song plays and when she sees him in the hallway. She feels bad then, seeing him all heartbroken and moping around. She’s never seen him so down, and she wishes she never said anything to begin with in those moments. She hates the fact that he’s heartbroken over her.

She’s happy for the break, as much time as the two spent together, the break allows her a chance to know who she is outside of Harry. She’s found ways to cope with this ache for him, playing songs he’s never heard before distracts her from thinking of him. Finding new books to read, new shows to watch. Not letting her look at him for too long whenever they pass each other in the halls, hide his clothes (minus the one hoodie she sleeps

in, she can’t bear to part with it because after all it’s not a complete end to the friendship.

She spends a little (a lot) of time telling herself that just being friends is okay, her feelings will go away and they’ll go back to being best friends. She knows they won’t go back to being where they were before she confessed, but hopefully it’ll be somewhat the same as before. She hopes with everything in her that she’ll be able to get over her feelings for him in a reasonable time, and doesn't want to drag this out any longer than what’s needed. She’ll remind herself when she starts thinking of him randomly, when she sees a picture of them in her phone. They always should’ve been best friends, nothing more and nothing less. That’s how the universe wanted them to be.

Everything was fine the way they were, now she has to get over her feelings for him in order to get him back. She sees him everywhere it seems, hard to avoid him even though she doesn’t necessarily want to, in the halls at school or passing by on the sidewalks. She’s nice to him, doesn’t want to make him feel even more upset. She can feel his eyes on her every time, a tingling feeling on the back of her neck before she turns around to face him.

She’s met with the same hurt expression, his eyes full of emotion and telling her how much he misses her. He waves subtly as if he doesn’t think she’ll see it, won’t want to see it but of course she does. She always sees it, how could she not see it when anytime they’re in proximity of each other gems all she’s able to look at. Of course she waves, even gives him a warm smile, one that has and always will be reserved just for him. She still wants to be friendly with him, to keep that door open for the two of them and their friendship.

They don’t really talk other than saying hi as they pass one another in the halls, or if they happen to need to copy notes. They got partnered once after everything, a sense of awkwardness filled the air between them and Y/N hated it. Hated that she felt like she didn’t know what to talk about, didn’t know what limits were with this weird boundary set by her. She feels like she should know, she should’ve known since she was the one who drew the line.

Their conversations were awkward and pointed, pain lingering in their voices as they mentally decided not to talk about anything personal. It’s better that way honestly, it keeps her from breaking and allowing him back when she knows she’s not ready. The wall built between them shows her just how much he’s hurting, shows her how much she hurt him. She never meant to hurt him, she knew breaking it off would cause a toll on him. She never thought it would be as bad as it is, never expected to see the bags forming under his eyes.

She never expected him to be so…torn up about it, to cave in on himself and go quiet. She can feel his eyes on her all of the time, and can see whenever he fights back tears. She watches as Liz tries to cheer him up, hugs him and runs her fingers through his hair. She watches as Liz brings him cups of whatever drink is in them, watches as he thanks her with a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes. She thought that maybe he’d continue partying like he always did, ignore her or something of the sort. He should be giving all of his attention to Liz, not moping on about losing her. His mind just always seems to be elsewhere, his gaze is always sad and unfocused.

- - - -

Two months later the two are doing just fine on their own. Y/N found out from a classmate that’s on Harry’s soccer team that Harry had broken up with Liz about a month ago. They wouldn’t say why they broke up and Y/N wasn’t going to be the one to ask. The two of them have gotten more friendly with one another, there’s no awkwardness whenever they’re paired up and they’ll sometimes sit together at lunch. Y/N thinks she’s able to be his friend again, and doesn't get the intense butterflies in her stomach whenever she looks at him.

She doesn’t want to kiss him as much as she used to, although the urge still comes up whenever she thinks he’s being the cutest boy ever. She decides to bring it up as they sit together during lunch.

“Hey, Harry?” She asks and he hums in response to her.

“I think I’m ready to be your friend again.” She asks and watches as his face lights up. His eyes brighten and a huge smile appears on his face.

“Really?” His voice is full of excitement and she smiles as she nods.

“Yeah, I think so.” He immediately wraps her in a hug and she melts into it.

“I missed you, honey.” He says and she smiles as she responds.

“I missed you too, Haz.” He squeezes her tighter, as if he wants to remember the feeling of her body pressed against his.

“Those three months without you were absolutely horrible. I want to apologize again for leading you on unintentionally, but these three months have shown me something.” He says as he pulls away.

She stares at him confused, he’s already apologized numerous times so she’s not sure what else needs to be said.

“What’s that?” She asks and he smiles.

“I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I missed you so much and hated not being able to just come over and talk to you. I like you. I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner and I know it’s a terrible time to say it now that you’re back in my life. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel the same way anymore, but if you do I’d love to ask you out and take you out properly.” He says and she almost wants to scream.

She spent so much time getting over him and now he just wants to spring his feelings on her now? She thinks the whole situation is absolutely absurd and the two of them have terrible timing of their feelings. She sighs tiredly as she stares at him.

“When did you figure this out, you dummy?” She asks and he shakes his head, as if he’s in disbelief.

“Uh like a month and a half ago, I think? I’m not quite sure when exactly it happened. All I know I spent my whole relationship with Liz comparing her to you and I missed you entirely too much to ever risk losing you again. The whole like high school years up until three months ago, we acted like a couple unknowingly. I know we just labeled it best friends, but normal best friends don’t act like we did. I’m sorry once again,” Harry says as he watches her in hopes he’ll be able to read her.

She just smiles softly at him, her eyes so full of emotions that it’s hard to read which ones are in them.

“You better be glad my feelings for you didn’t go away completely. Yes you can take me out, Harry. It’s okay, I’ve missed you too.” She says and immediately his hands make his way to her face and he slowly begins to move closer. He wants to allow her time to say no, to change her mind but it never comes and he smiles briefly before their lips meet in a soft tender kiss. A kiss so full of love and warmth, making up for all the years missed and tears she cried unknowingly. It fills both of them with happiness as she giggles into the kiss and pulls away.

“Does that mean I can call you my boyfriend now?” She asks and he nods.

“Baby, you can call me anything you want now,” He says and she laughs, a mischievous flickers passes through her eyes.

“Even my best friend?” He immediately shakes his head and laughs.

“Anything but that.”

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x booktuber!reader

summary: The internet speculates about whether Harry and YN are together. She admits to some hidden feelings to her best friend. He still cannot use his IG and buys any book that she recommends. Finally, something happens. But is it about them?

a/n: Second part of the booktuber!reader in celebration of 1000 of you following my little messy blog. i hope you enjoy it! love ya!

part 1 taglist

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 57 593 others

harryupdates HARRY and YN via her best friend's IG story.

view all 5 842 comments

hArrysbtch THEY ARE SO CUTE I LOVE THEM

hArrysbtch also, that best friend of yn is really putting them in the spotlight, isn't she?

⤷ harrysmoustache that's what i said! wasn't she also the one with them in italy???

⤷ hArrysbtch you think she shared those photos?

⤷ harrysmoustache yeah, it's all connecting nicely

harrysmylife i mean... that can be a couple but best friends as well. like, i sit like this with my male best friend

harrysfan39 his dimples...

harrysfan87 she's so beautiful... has anybody said it already?

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CELEBRITY GOSSIP

HARRY STYLES, BOOKS, AND LOVE FROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO

If you are wondering if this article's title is stating that Harry Styles is a taken man, you would be correct. Starting with the simple YouTube video posted by the channel of the name ynrecommends and ending with a yacht vacation near the coast of Italy and burning romance.

But let's start at the beginning. The booktuber from ynrecommends (YN YSN) did a little video of reading books that Harry Styles recommended during his interviews and so on. Because of the Harries (name of Styles' fandom), the video skyrocketed and gained hundreds of thousands of views in a matter of a few days. That's probably how our heartbreaker found the video, leaving a little comment and not forgetting to flirt with the author (we love it!). You could say the story of them began right in front of our eyes.

It was a few months ago, and throughout them, there were multiple crumbs left by the couple. Joined bookshop travels, appearances in YN's vlogs and other videos, and of course, THAT vacation on Harry's yacht.

As our source that is very close to both of them says 'the romance started late in their time of knowing each other, because of their both overflowing schedules and fear of ruining the friendship.' What is more, we didn't only get the words but also photos that clearly confirm the romance between the rock star of our generation and the indie booktuber despite YN's claims of 'being single and very happy with it.'

Is that how you are with your 'friends'?

What do you think is true, our sources claims or YN's words?

Source 74%

YN's words 26%

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Text messages between YN and her best friend

ynn🧠 my lovely, favourite best friend, i have a little, tiny question bestie🫦 i'm your only best friend maybe besides Harold...🙄 ynn🧠 yeah yeah, i know you like him, don't hide it buuuuut, back to my question... bestie🫦 yes yes, what's up? ynn🧠 i'm not accusing you of anything, i just wanna ask if you send somebody the photo album from italy? bestie🫦 remember that ig account we did in uni? i thought it would be a nice idea to turn it into a little photo diary. i put some of the photos there. i told you on the boat, like a week ago. why? ynn🧠 i forgot about it, im so sorry! but someone from that account must have seen those photos and sold them to that gossip magazine... whole internet thinks im harry's girlfriend. i got like 50 dms asking how much i paid him to be with me bestie🫦 fuck im so sorry, sweetheart! i totally didn't think about it. tbh, i kinda forgot he was famous while being there with you two ynn🧠 yeah, i forget about it whenever i see him and don't be sorry, baby! it's not your fault some of those people will do anything to gain even a little bit of money i only asked because harry's manager needed to know if any of our photos were hacked or somethin' bestie🫦 was harry mad about the article? ynn🧠 he said that after years of having bullshit having written about him, he got used to it. but i can see that it bothers him that he can't have a moment for himself bestie🫦 fuck, im gonna bake him some good cake as an apology ynn🧠 it's not your fault!!!! harry knows it bestie🫦 okay, but im baking something anyway and btw, that article isn't so far from the truth, is it? ynn🧠 what do you mean? bestie🫦 oh, come on! you two act like a couple whenever you're together! there must be something there ynn🧠 ... there's not, really. we never talked about it but just fell to that closeness as friends. you know how touchy i am with people that im comfortable with, he's the same. it just looks like we're a couple, but no bestie🫦 but you want more, don't you? ynn🧠 i value him too much as a friend to think about it

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, hArrysbtch and 251 382 others

yourinstagram first day on this fancy boat, and i was crawling (freaking scared to fall into the water) and in the last few days, i was swinging myself on this little hammock, crazy days, crazy

thank you harrystyles for putting it up for me, love ya my bff

view all 34 428 comments

harrystyles You ditched me for those books

⤷ yourinstagram they are literally my job

⤷ harrystyles You took 30 books with yourself. A seond suitcase just for them.

⤷ yourinstagram blah blah blah you took two guitars

⤷ harrystyles That's literally my job.

⤷ yourinstagram yeah, that's what i said

harryupdates brave move, yn

hArrysbtch i'm waiting (impatiently) for the next video

⤷ yourinstagram it's coming, it's coming. a little vid of italians recommending me their favourite books!

harrysmoustache not the little explaination of that on ephoto from that article 'i was crawling, cause i'm scared'

⤷ harrysmylife subtle but to the point

stylebabie 'my bff' i know she is cackling behind that little screen

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, yourbestfriend, harryupdates, annetwist and 18 201 383 others

harrystyles momento magico in italia

view all 482 381 comments

yourinstagram thankfully that photo was taken before me almost drawning

⤷ harrystyles i rescued you

⤷ yourinstagram if by rescue you mean laugh, panic and then dive and almost make me drown again, then yes, you did rescue me

jeffazzof Harry.

⤷ harrystyles Jeffrey.

⤷ jeffazzof Check the account.

⤷ harrystyles Oh.

hArrysbtch hsdfUHFJHLVBRIAP what the fuck ehat the fuck

hArrysbtch i am so confused right now

harrysmoustache you guys are playing with us

harryupdates wrong account, harry!

annetwist Bellissima 😍

harrysmylife the flower, the EARRINGS, yn, the cat... i cannot.... this man is a menace to the society

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hArrysbtch

liked by harryupdates and 3 402 others

hArrysbtch this video was worth the wait! yn is one of the best and realest youtuber out there. plus, harry filmed this episode for her so it's even better

view all 928 comments

harryupdates I loved it too! the little moments of them interacting behind the camera kept in the video were absolute gems!!!

⤷ hArrysbtch YES!!! it was so funny and wholesome

harrysmoustache harry's little 'i think you'd like this shot' during a moment when yn is walking down the alley.... soooo cute i love them

stylesbabie this is my first video of hers that i watched and i am so mad at myself. this is the best booktuber channel i've ever come across

harrysmylife yn interacting with Harry's italian friends, having harry translate the recommendations from people on the street and him just hyping her up... just so freaking cute

harrymylove i don't care if they are together or just friends, i just enjoy watching them be together, like, next to each other. it's so refreshing and lovely

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londonboyharry

liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 10 318 others

londonboyharry this is what I saw while walking around the park near my hotel in italy... Harry literally made yn stop mid-sentance and said 'wait, i need to take a photo of you.' i- i was melting and couldn't believe my eyes and ears

view all 2 307 comments

hArrysbtch he is so boyfriend

hArrysbtch like, he must be, come on

harrysmoustache i say i don't care if they are together or not. but i do. i so do. i want them together more than i want myself to find a partner

harrysmylife BEST FRIEND/COUPLE ON EARTH

harrysfan88 i love that we're all confused about them

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yourbestfriend

liked by yourinstagram, harrystyles and 34 028 others

yourbestfriend put those two in a room with books and that's what you get...

view all 5 301 comments

yourinstagram i was just looking through the atlas, come on

harrystyles And I was actually reading, not faking like some of us.

⤷ yourinstagram oh fuck off

⤷ harrystyles This is not so treat people with kindness of you.

hArrysbtch i love the fits so much

harrysmoustache this si so frustraiting

⤷ harrysfan49 why are you so obsessed with them? leave them be

⤷ harrysmoustache i just want to know if i can call them the best couple on the planet

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harryupdates

liked by harrysmylife and 32 482 others

harryupdates HARRY with a fan today in London!

view all 4 302 comments

hArrysbtch he's so cute

hArrysbtch wait, yn wore that t-shirt in her latest vlog

⤷ harrysmoustache sharing clothes????

harrysmylife he looks so cute, i want to put him in my pocket

stylesbabie the cardigan is back, guys

harrysfan87 i am the one who met him!

⤷ harryupdates how was it?

⤷ harrysfan87 magical! he stopped after walking out of the bookstore when i walked up to him. he had a bag full of books. i asked him what he was buying and he said 'oh, ehmm, i have crime and punishment, hamnet, emma and some Sally Rooney here'

⤷ hArrysbtch that guy is just buying anything yn recommends...

⤷ stylesbabie but none of it was in her italian vlog?

⤷ hArrysbtch yes, but those are the books from her 'summer to autumn reads' video

——————————————————————————————

yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 1 019 392 others

yourinstagram story in two acts... 🏡📚

view all 23 492 comments

harrystyles Scandalous.

⤷ yourinstagram Forgot you have sensitive eyes after a bad night sleep.

⤷ harrystyles I slept very well last night, thank you.

yourbestfriend 👀

⤷ yourinstagram 🫣

hArrysbtch WTFSAJFHOAUW no way

hArrysbtch this is confirmation, isn't it?

⤷ harrysmoustache i think so

⤷ harrysmylife but... we don't know if that really is harry

harrysmoustache she bold and she sexy

comment liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 234 others

jeffazzof Congratulations, YN.

⤷ harrystyles thanks jeff!!!!

comment deleted

⤷ yourinstagram thanks jeff!!!

⤷ harrysmoustache girl, we saw that!

——————————————————————————————

a/n: do we think yn and harry finally got together?

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📌: @daniellef89x @crazygirlinthisworld @ameerakane20 @golden-hoax @sleutherclaw

[ilylovelyz]

slow burn kiyoomi x reader 🥹

⍣ ೋ what is love?

˚ · . sakusa x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ slowburn, angst w happy ending, heartbreak/rejection, mutual pining, denial is a river in egypt sakusa, slight jealousy and possessiveness, none of these are in order btw, sakusa is such an asshole, this is kinda all over the place </3, literally my longest story ever, my terrible attempt at my first actual slow burn, this is split into two parts because my phone cant handle it, prt 2.

we met for a reason. i'm still trying to figure that part out.

romance is something that sakusa didn't think was necessary in life.

he didn't deem it a serious issue, nor did he want that issue of "falling in love". whenever he heard his friends talking about their girlfriends or just romance in general, he had to hold back an aggressive eye-roll because he didn't see the hype of it all.

too busy with volleyball, he could barely make time for his own friends and family. he was okay with that, he didn't want to be distracted anyways. he didn't need that dumb "romance", he didn't need someone to hold his hand while he cried or whatever.

he didn't need to have someone to love, all he needed was himself, and himself only.

but, he couldn't help those vast, deep feelings late at night. the clock would read a wee time in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. his mind was purged with thoughts, questions, and curiosity.

what is love?

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

he didn't expect his question to be answered so soon.

he remembers it in extreme detail, the day he met you. the air was getting colder, the trees getting more bare and leaves falling with every slight breeze. it was the beginning of his third year of high-school, his last year of high-school. he wanted to savor his last year before he finally graduated into adulthood, often admiring the crunch the orange-brown leaves underneath his feet.

he would find himself taking a different route home, walking through a park with many trees and plants. he thought the view was nice. the park was very popular when he was younger, but now, it was considered unordinary to even see a stray dog walking nearby.

the once beloved park was all but forgotten, giving a nostalgic yet liminal feeling. but it seemed it wasn't forgotten by all.

he was near almost exiting the park when he saw a bench ahead, with a figure sitting on it. the closer he got, did he realize it was a girl around maybe his age. when he was maybe 10 feet away from the bench, did he see that the girl was wearing his school uniform.

he was going to just leave the park, but of course, you heard his footsteps and acknowledged his presence, causing him to halt his steps. "hello! i didn't know that anyone was still visiting this place. you're wearing my school's uniform too! what's your name?" you eagerly said, almost blinding him with your energetic and bright energy.

he wonders how differently life would've been if he hadn't given you his name and engaged in small talk with you. although the conversation was short and almost awkward, he found an odd pleasure talking with you.

from the way he was so standoffish and cold, he, for some reason, thought you wouldn't be there the next day, maybe scaring you off from coming there again. and of course, the next day, you were there. you were sitting up on the bench, almost like you were awaiting him.

once you saw him, you harassed him with more questions and excited small talk, asking him little things and what grade he was in, etc. he was, like always, stiff and almost resistant, but that didn't seem to stop you from trying to make a conversation with him.

it was like that for the next few days, just you engaging random conversations with him as soon as he within 5 feet of you. at the beginning, it was almost exhausting because you were persistent and almost pushing information and communication with him. at some point, he would resist the urge to run away or telling you to simply shut up and leave him alone, or even just wondering if he should go back to his old walking route.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

within a few weeks it was like talking and seeing you become apart of his routine. the weather was much colder, and the days became shorter. after practice, an unaware komori would ask him if he would like to go with him to convenience stores or karaoke, but sakusa would immediately decline. he didn't even think about it before declining, nor did he think of a reason behind it.

to a logical sakusa, the sun was setting quickly now that it was the cold seasons, and with every minute, the air was getting colder, so he had to be quick and walk home. but, to a subconscious sakusa, he was quick to walk home because he knew you would be waiting for him. it would be rude to keep you waiting.

everything was good like that for a while. he came to accept your persistence and conversations, seeing you as nothing more than the chatty person on the bench, at the forgotten park, who has near 10 keychains on her school bag. he found himself conversing with you without a thought, almost talking with you until sunset, sometimes having to run home because he got carried away in conversation with you.

after he acknowledged your presence, he began to see you everywhere at school. whether it be walking to school (after deciding to take the park route for the mornings as well), at lunch, or even in the hallways. as usual, you would smile at him, bright and welcoming as always.

he remembers the day in great detail he acknowledged maybe you were a little more than "the chatty person on the bench, at the forgotten park, who has near 10 keychains on her school bag". it was in mid-november, when they had a particularly good and hard match held at their school. it felt good to win, and it felt even better that they didn't have to travel for it.

it was when he looked at his phone's time, exiting the locker rooms did he realize that he was forgetting something important. he didn't realize what is was though, but he tried to shrug it off by joining komori to go to a convenience store to get some celebration snacks, particularly umeboshi filled rice balls.

it was when he was paying for the snacks did he see a cute pink bear keychain, did he remember what he forgot about. within a second, and almost scaring his dear cousin, did he quickly pay and practically dash out the store, running down the sidewalk to the way to of the park. he ignored the oncoming rain clouds and sounds of thunder, almost slipping and running into many water puddles, almost falling his way down the stairs of the park.

he only stopped running when he was 10 feet away from the bench, chest heavy and rapidly moving as he tried to regain his breath. the sun was already setting, the sky in a shade of bright red to a solemn cloudy blue. he walked closer to the bench, eyes guilty as he took in your rain-soaked uniform and wet hair.

"why didn't you just go home." he asked, though it didn't sound much like a question, more like a demand. you stayed quiet for a minute, and during that minute, did sakusa's mind be purged with similar questions of why didn't you just go home. he just couldn't understand you.

"because i just wanted to talk with you, is all."

he mentally facepalmed at your response. are you serious? his eyebrows visibly cringed, mouth slightly agape at your nonchalant, almost brain cell-degrading response. no way this is real. no way you are real.

suddenly he found himself coming towards you, grabbing you from the bench with your wrist, forcing you onto your feet as he dragged you along with him to walk home. he didn't know where the hell you lived, but that didn't stop him from dragging you with him. on the way, he scolded you so intensely at some point he was just blabbering about how you piss him off so much, and that he just can't seem to understand how stupid you are.

for what reason did you do all of that for?! just to talk? unbelievable.

his almost insulting words and near-degradation just seemed to go in one ear, and out the other though, as you found yourself giggling and making mischievous remarks to his verbal abuse. your non-serious responses without a care in the word just seemed to make him angrier, the veins in his neck almost prominent because he was just that angry.

after a lot of walking around, he somehow found where you live without your help because you seemed to enjoy his suffering, and after a especially crude and almost bewildering response from you did he just have enough of you. before you could even laugh, he was spinning around to face you, grabbing you roughly by your shoulders, and shaking you intensely. almost as if he was trying to shake some common sense into you.

after condemning you to the hell, he roughly shoved two umeboshi rice balls and the pink bear keychain into your chest before storming off home. you ignored the way he basically assaulted you, only smiling at the fact that he had obviously thought of you when buying two umeboshi rice balls. he said it was his favorite food one of the first few times you had talked with him.

walking into your empty house, where you had no siblings, and two very hard-working parents. sitting down onto the floor's ledge to take off your shoes, you grabbed your school bag, adding the 11th keychain to your collection.

you blushed intensely at the seemingly little detail. how cute of him to note your little obsessions.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

yet another day that left sakusa laying awake at night thinking about the day's nonsense. particularly, your nonsense.

he was closing his damn eyes! he was somehow getting a headache from it. the "useful hack" his mother always told him on school nights when he seemed to have a hard time sleeping wasn't working. he found himself sighing in defeat, eyes wondering to the clock besides his bed every 5 minutes or so.

2:44am. massaging his temple, he laid his palm over his forehead. you're going to be the death of him. for the past few weeks, you've been almost plaguing his life. you've plagued his park, his school, his volleyball, hell, even his dreams.

could he even call them dreams? more like nightmares.

his hand traveled down to his mouth, covering it in denial.

his eyes were low with resistance and exhaustion, softly fluttering as he deeply inhaled, preparing himself as he sought out for reasoning and "maybe"s to explain your stupid actions and the way you've become such a distraction to his once peaceful life.

except, there were no "maybe"s. only one truth, that he doesn't want to accept

he let out the breath he's been holding back for the past minute or so for a sigh of defeat. his other free hand comes to lay against his chest, feeling his heart beat rebelliously against his will.

he finally feels the need for sleep, eyes closing to escape from his thoughts. he's had enough for the day. he's had enough. before he lulls asleep, he thinks back to the question he's only asked himself during the similar times when he wasn't able to fall asleep due to mindlessness curiosity.

what is love?

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

the day after that, sakusa hesitantly makes his way to the park.

it's cold as hell, he might have to start taking the much shorter route home, but he knows he won't.

he's slow with his walk in the park, knowing that towards the end, he'll have to pass by you, and engage with you like always. when he does walk past you, you don't engage with him as quickly as you usually do.

he doesn't know if it's because today, the weather is shit, or if it's because he looked almost disturbed at the sight of you after yesterday, or perhaps.. no. he shakes his head at the "maybe"s, it's best to be logical. he thinks that you're stupid enough to not have connected the dots.

he stands, again, away from you, almost as if he's ready to just walk away from you. but today, unlike his usual 8-10 feet distance sway from you, he's gotten closer. he's instead 5 feet away from you, how cute of him to try to try to be closer today, even after you put him through hell yesterday.

he puts his hands into the pockets of his trousers. you chalk it up to him being cold because he wasn't wearing gloves, for a matter of fact, he hasn't been wearing gloves for a while now. he used to have a pair, black, but he seemingly has lost them.

you stay observing him for a minute, eyebrow raised and mouth in a fine-line. he cowers his head into his black scarf, a little nervous due to your sudden stoicism.

you observe him even closer now that he's physically closer to you. he has nice hair, quite fluid and bouncy curls that move with the sharp wind. he has nice cheekbones, nose tall and great. it's cute how his one pale feature are now twinged with a light redness due to the cold.

you think he looks better in the winter, his dark and mysterious aura blends in with the subliminal background. almost like a model. with his dark coat and scarf, he looks snug and cozy, you're jealous.

suddenly, you're smiling at him mischievously. "'omi.." you coo, arms reaching for your school bag. at first. he used to scold you for addressing him by his first name, heartlessly telling you that you're not his friend, and that it's disrespectful not to use honorifics with someone you barely know. but now, he finds himself somehow softening at the nickname you've given him. somehow. but he's more nervous at the way you're smiling at him, smiling at him the way a teacher with no empathy does after they gave their student detention after being late by one minute.

he's prideful at the way he was able to hide he was about to turn blue from holding his breath as he wrote up your unusual behavior as you point out the newest collection to your keychains. "i really like the keychain you got me." you snide.

he silently nods at your words, not unusual due to his quiet nature. "i think it was really cute." you smirk. his head props up at the praise, "yeah, i got it at the little convenience store near the-", "no, i'm not talking about the keychain. i mean, i am, but i thought it was cute that you bought it for me." you interrupt, eyes crinkled up into a silly smile.

"were you thinking of me?" you say, covering your mouth in feigned surprise. his once stoic features turned almost annoyed. he finds that his face heats up, but chalks it up to the cold temperature.

his eyes blink a few times as you randomly start looking through the messy-ness that you call the contents of your bag, rummaging through crinkled up papers and candy wrappers before you seemingly find what you're looking for. with speeds that he swears he's never seen your lazy ass travel at, you whip out a pair of knit thick black gloves, holding it close to your face as you show it off to him before holding it them out for him.

"i made them for you. i noticed you haven't worn your black gloves in awhile, did you lose them?" with that, his annoyed expression soon softens with defeat.

usually due to the short daylight timing now, he would be heading home. the sun is close to setting, and the temperature is only getting lower. but, he finds sighing to himself slowing making his way closer to the bench before sitting down on it for the first time ever in the history of the past four months of talking with him.

you grin at this, mouth opening to start yet another mindless conversation with him.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

"yo, kiyoomi. do you have any plans for this saturday?" komori asks, "me and the team are going to go for karaoke and then something to eat. you should come." sakusa finishes wrapping up a knit black scarf around his neck before responding. "no, sorry, i have plans for this saturday. maybe another time."

komori is disappointed, but not surprised. "what do you have planned?" he asks, curious to as what his introvert cousin has planned. he takes note of the new scarf kiyoomi has, it's quite thick and warm looking. it's then does he connect the dots.

"are you going on a date with y/l/n-san?!" he teases, bringing a hand up to tug on the end of the scarf that was most-likely made by you, as, according to what sakusa said about you during the last family function after his mother pointed out sakusa has been seen "nonchalantly" texting with a girl and was all the sudden curt and annoyed.

it was during then that sakusa had admitted it was a girl, but refused the fact that it was in that way of texting, y'know, talking. but following that statement, he proceeded to privately talk to komori about you after he pressed him more on the matter.

one of the only few things sakusa said about it was him hesitantly muttering "she likes to knit, she's a grandma." before he refused to say anything more. it was only until a week later when komori finally met you after he spotted you and sakusa talking in the hallway.

he slapped his hand away from the scarf defensively. "it's not a date! it's just a casual hang-out." he scoffed coldly, hands trying to fight off his cousin's teasing hands, almost turning into a full-on wrestling match.

"congrats on getting a date!" one of his teammates said as he left the locker room, curly hair distressed from the assault he had just endured. he didn't have anymore energy to reply. he was slightly annoyed at his teammates making a big deal out of nothing. but why was he being so defensive about it? even to himself it was weird. overall, as he said, it's just a hang-out. not a date. nothing serious.

his hands fumbled around in his pockets, clad with the gloves you made him as waited at the intersection. his eyes stared at the road lights, counting down the seconds he could cross before eventually the light that was the pedestrian symbol lit up. he crossed with haste, overtaking those also making their way across. "mama, i'm cold," he heard a child say, clinging to their mother's warmth.

it is cold today. very cold, one of the coldest days so far this winter. he's lucky that you were kind enough to make him gloves and eventually a scarf, thick enough that it might as well be considered some type of cold resistant armor. his gloved hand mindlessly comes up to play with the ends of the scarf, it's become like a destresser for him when in large crowds like these.

he finds his anxiety dissipating as he gets closer towards the park, the crowds becoming more scarce before there's only one or two wondering souls walking around. he eventually comes to the main entrance, to the stairs of the sidewalk that leads into the low elevated park's grass. he makes sure to grab onto the metal handrail as he slowly steps down the now frozen-over steps before eventually stepping into the snow clad grass.

it's now december. almost 5 months of meeting you, and 5 months filled with meeting you after-school at this park. he makes his way towards the meeting spot, thick slow crunching underneath his feet with every step.

he sighs deeply as he sees you from across the field. you're just a tiny dot in the horizon, but he knows it's you. . the serene gentle snowfall and almost all-white background seems to be almost unreal as you sit back on the bench, eyes low and face the calmest he's seen as you wait for him.

you haven't seemed to have notice him yet, you have bad senses after-all. he takes this opportunity to just stand there and watch you, wondering if you'll do anything weird or unusual. but you don't, you just sit there, calm, awaiting him. it's not until the breeze picks up and his time of usual arrival has long passed do you start to look around.

much to your surprise, and for some reason, his surprise, do you finally see him standing 15 feet behind you, watching you.

you fluster and babble out obscenities as you connect the dots and realize he's been there all along, watching you. "you watching me this entire time? that's so rude y'know." you pout, arms crossing with feigned annoyance as he takes his place on the bench next to you.

he softly sighs at your whining, "i wanted to see if you would notice. you're not the brightest bulb out there y'know?" he says for-a-matter-of-fact. you proceed to give him the cold shoulder.. for two minutes before you're switching up your attitude and giving him a bright smile, turning your body towards him.

you ask him a question that you've been asking him for the past few days now.

"let's go to the plaza saturday!" you chatter, eyes wide with excitement as you tell him all the "benefits" of him going to the mall with you. "y'know, we can walk around, look at all the stuff, maybe buy some stuff, eat some stuff, and even go see the big christmas tree they put up!" he's quiet after, eyes looking to the side with feigned boredom.

you whine out defeatedly. "c'mon, omi.." the cry of his name has him softening once again. he was going to say yes eventually, just to torture you the way you love to torture him, but with the saying of his once-annoying nickname you chose for him, he gave in, slumping with a sigh.

"gee, fine. i'll go." he said, eyes rolling at your gleeful shouts. he tunes out your excited talks about what the two of you could do at the plaza when he realized that it's getting dark quicker than usual.

you stop talking when he abruptly stands up. "omi? you're leaving already..?" you cry out, eyebrows arching with disappointment. hands patting the snowfall off his coat, he turns to you. he's for some reason quick to soothe you. "we should start getting home, it's already getting dark. i don't want you walking home alone while it's dark."

you blush at his invitation, "you're walking me home..?" his eyebrow arches as he gives you a questioning look. "did i not say i don't want you walking home alone at night? it's dangerous."

"no, you've said enough, let's go!" you say, a hop in your step as you get up and start walking alongside him.

the walk home was unusually quiet yet peaceful. he walked a few steps behind you, whilst you were peacefully unaware, he was paying close attention to any shadow that moved.

at some point, a guy with a large black hood walked past the two of you, thus sparking a large spike of anxiety within sakusa. suddenly, the lazy walk turned into one of haste as his hands became glued to your back, forcing you to practically speed walk.

"kiyoomi! not everyone is an enemy!" you cried out, almost tripping over your own feet after a particular harsh shove when sakusa decided you weren't going fast enough for his liking.

much faster than to your liking, the two of you made it to your home. "better safe than sorry." he said stoically, opening your front gate for you while his eyes were still wandering around for anymore "suspicious" people. you pouted at this lame attempt of walking home together for the first time. "geez, you're such a scaredy cat." you mumbled.

he found himself lightly chuckling at your words. "goodnight, y/n-san," closing your front gate, making sure it was secure and locked, though, he didn't have much faith in it, as it was a simple stake bed latch. you yelled back a farewell goodnight, looking back to look at him as you unlocked your door before giving him a final smile and stepping into your house and closing your front door.

he stood at your gate for a minute before noticing your bedroom light come on, seeing you peek out the window. "what a creep," he hypocritically said to himself before finally walking back the way to his own house, once again passing by the same hooded guy, watching him with cold eyes.

except this time, the hood wasn't on. sakusa's eyes widened with embarrassment as he saw it was a simple, old frail man, almost old looking enough to be someone's great grandma.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

sakusa stayed close to you as the two of you walked around the crowds of people, making sure not to get too close to them for the sake of sakusa's sanity.

it was saturday, and here the two of you were, at the plaza.

sakusa was not big on fashion, but he did make it a point to not be lazy and at least try to look good. but since it was an outing, he made sure to try especially hard to look good. for some reason, he found himself wondering your opinion on some of his clothes as he picked out what to wear.

he sported a black oversized jacket a grey hoodie underneath and black trousers with white shoes. he made sure his curls looked extra tight and bouncy today as well. he also wore the scarf and gloves you made for him

he was relieved when his efforts didn't go unnoticed. "you really outdid yourself today. this is like, my first time seeing you without sweatpants, haha. oh, you smell nice too! did you get a new cologne?" you praised, hand coming to playfully punch at his shoulder.

"no, i wear this cologne, 'like', all the time, you look.. okay today too." he sarcastically said, pausing mid-sentence to eye you with feigned disgust. while you were whining and insulting him back, he took note of your outfit. you were wearing a beige wrap coat and large fluffy pink scar, with cream pants and white boots. he looked away quickly, looking everywhere but you. for some reason you're hard to look at today.

"so do you wanna eat first or-", before you could finish your sentence, you were interrupted by a call of sakusa's first name. you turned to see who called, eyes landing on the familiar face of sakusa's cousin, the rest being what you could only guess as sakusa's volleyball team.

"we didn't expect to see you here! what a coincidence?!" one of his teammates loudly boasted. before either of you could realize it, his teammates had practically surrounded him, separating the two of you. he could only quiver and shake with embarrassment as one of his worst fears could ever come to be. you stood there off to the side as you watched as they basically kidnapped sakusa and at the same time, pampered him like some baby.

you didn't know if you should laugh or just walk away. you know how it was for a guy and his friends. go big or go home.

you were deciding whether or not to fake an emergency before komori had suddenly called your name, catching the attention of his teammates. suddenly, you were the one who was kidnapped and pampered as you were bombarded with questions and introductions. you swear you even heard one of sakusa's teammates scold him for keeping a "big secret" away from them.

sakusa was about to proclaim his innocence and state it was a simple hang-out, not a date, before he literally almost snapped his neck at one of his unaware teammates calling you cute. that was his breaking point, as he found himself forcing a barrier between you and his teammates, practically condemning them to hell.

suddenly one of his teammates had the bright idea to bring what he probably thought was the best suggestion ever. "since we are now all here, let's hang out!" like unison, they all agreed as one, excluding a regretful komori and sakusa. he turned to you with a frightful face as you even agreed.

his worst nightmare, come true.

the next few hours were spent dreadfully as his you and his teammates practically dragged him alongside random places. arcades, shops, entertainment, food stalls, you name it, if it existed, it was visited.

"hey! let's go into this souvenir shop!" komori yelled, taking interest in a specific aesthetically-pleasing souvenir shop. "but we aren't even, like, foreigners.. we live here-", he said, trying to disagree before he was yet again dragged in.

he felt himself at wit's end. he just wanted this to be a relaxing day, with no distractions nor faults. he wasn't even able to talk with you that much, as this entire fucking time, his teammates were treating you like some damn celebrity. he somberly walked around the souvenir shop, nothing particularly special or eye-catching.

he was walking with a limp in his step before he suddenly nearly bumped into you. all the sudden, he had no limp and he wasn't dying of boredom. "aren't these cute?" you purred, eyes glued to silver keychains of various designs. he took note of the keychains, some of them gold, some of religious designs, some of animals, some mixed with stars and hearts.

he nodded to your question. "yes, they are." the sweet, finally quiet moment between the two of you was suddenly interrupted by a loud, grating voice of the same seemingly still unaware teammate from earlier addressing you by your first name. "hey y/n, what you lookin' at?" he cheerfully said, clearly not having a speck of awareness.

sakusa felt weird for some reason. almost a bit embarrassed. no, thats not it. he can't quite bit his finger on it. "oh, so suddenly you're on a first name basis with y/n-san? she's your senior, and you just met her didn't you?" he snided, almost growling at his blissfully unaware teammate.

his teammate frowned at sakusa's harsh words, "she doesn't have a problem with it. why do you care?" sakusa found himself almost fuming at that, only calming down komori finally stepped in, overhearing their conversation from nearby.

"hey, kiyoomi, y/l/n, we are gonna go back to the arcade, do you wanna come?" he asked, trying to diffuse the situation. thankfully, you declined his invitation, too fixated in the many keychains in front of you. sakusa happily declined, bidding farewell to his teammates.

as he watched them leave, he couldn't help but be so bothered by the whole situation. hand in his pocket, he frowned at the experience. he tuned everything out, only replying to your questions with short responses.

why is this so difficult? why is he even so mad? he can't just be mad at his teammate like that. but he is. but why? it was just small talk between the two of you. but then again, his teammate doesn't know you like that enough to be referring and talking to you like you're a good friend of his or something.

sakusa himself doesn't even refer your first name without honorifics, and he definitely didn't call you by your first name within three hours of meeting you too. his teammate doesn't know the way you have an obsession with keychains. his teammate doesn't know you like knitting. his teammate doesn't know the first 5 things about you like sakusa does, so he needs to stop with being all buddy-buddy with you.

mid-mental rant, he oddly found his hand coming up to his scarf, intertwining his fingers with the ends of the loose yarn. his eyebrows are furrowed intensely with thought as he tried to figure out whats bothering him.

he's distressed as his fingers fumble with the yarn, mind working as he tries to figure out a solution to this new issue of his.

"omi?" you coo out.

he's quick to look up at you, voice alluring and gentle. "omi, aren't these cute?" he takes a second as he regains himself to look at whatever you're cooing over.

two silver keychains. both imprinted of with a weasel, molded of exact shapes to fit together like puzzle pieces when forced together. little stars and hearts surrounding the weasels in question. two silver matching keychains of weasels that seem to be in love, meant for couples.

"omi?" you say once again, awaiting a response from him. he's yet to respond, eyes slightly wide as he realizes he's found the issue. he takes a minute before he's asking you a question that he's been longing to be answered.

"y/n-san," he hesitantly calls out. you finally look at him, acknowledging the odd tone within his voice. you tilt your head at him, plump lips tilted upwards in a pout.

"y/n-sa-.. y/n.. what is love to you?"

your eyes widen at his unexpected question. you stammer and awkwardly giggle at his question, "w-what?" he's quick to remind you of his question, "what is love, to you."

you blink a few times before your eyes soften and you turn back to look at the matching keychains. "to me.. love is when you just.." you mumble. sakusa cranks his head at that, still quite confused at your answer.

you take his obvious confusion to elaborate further. "..w-well, love can be different for many people. for some, y'know, it could be love-at-first-sight, like they just make eye contact with someone and just fall in love with them.." you check to see if he's still confused and listening before you continue on.

"..then there's unrequited love, which is kinda one sided.. theres platonic love, y'know the love you give to your family. compassionate is when you not only feel love, but also sexual desire. there's obviously self-love. there's also love where it's obsessive, which is less about love and more about control-," mid-blabbering sakusa had interrupted you. "but what is love, to you."

ah. you finally took the keychains off their rack, holding the cold silver within your palms, smiling down at them warmly. "to me, love is when you just adore someone so much.. like you wanna be with them all the time, wanna talk to them all the time. you'll try your best for them, even if they try to push you away. you can't help but think of them constantly, you get reminded of them by the tiniest things ever.." you paused for a second, cheeks a twinge of red.

"some call that unconditional love. when you love them no matter what. 'n omi.. y'know.." you took a deep inhale, preparing to face him. "i really don't know, it's a little too early to say.. but.. i really like you.." you confessed, voice growing meek towards the end, finally shifting your whole body towards him.

only, he wasn't where he was standing a literal five minutes ago. no, you looked around the store, occasionally calling out his name, still holding the two matching keychains within your clenched, nervous hands.

he was gone.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

he was glad it was during winter break did he last see you. he wouldn't be able to face you if he had to see you so soon.

he couldn't sleep, it was now the day of new year's eve. he glanced up at the clock. 2:09AM

for the past week or so, he had you on mute, stomach dropping with guilt every time he saw the many unopened messages you sent him, the last one being sent earlier during the evening.

he brushed a hand through his distressed curls, hoping to alleviate his stress. komori and his teammates has also sent him messages as well, many of which along the lines of "hey, what happened? where did you go?" or even "where are you? y/l/n is all alone."

what made him even more stressed was when the very same teammate from saturday had texted sakusa asking for your number. sakusa didn't even respond to that dumb message.

sakusa sat up in his bed, giving up on sleeping. eventually, he'll have to face you, he can't hide from you forever. forehead crinkling at the obnoxious light of his phone, he pressed a hesitant think to your contact, heart regretting immediately when he saw your texts.

6:54PM omi where did u go?

7:00PM u okay? did u leave?

7:11PM i found komori and the others

7:15PM did i make you uncomfortable?

7:15PM im really sorry if i did

7:34PM ur teammate is offering to walk me home

7:36PM komori is walking me home too

7:36PM ur cousin is so nice! ur teammate is rllly funny too haha ヾ(^ ^ゞ

7:50PM just made it home

7:52PM kinda wouldve preferred if it was u who walked me home haha (≖͞_≖̥)

9:03PM goodnight kiyoomi ´･ᴗ･`

he couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows in distaste at the mention of his teammate, although slightly relieved at komori making so you wouldn't be alone with him. you texted him the day after a few more times after before you stopped texting all together.

the last text you sent this evening was you wishing sakusa a happy new year with a bunch of happy emojis. his felt swelled with what he now knows what he's been feeling these couple months of knowing you. the tender fondness he has for you has him chewing on his lip with anxiety.

before he could stop himself, his fingers began to tap against the screen.

2:20AM y/n let's talk.

with a regretful sigh, he lowered his elbow over his eyes in shame. he relaxed his body, heart steady. only, his heart once calm started to beat intensely once he saw the familiar light up of his phone.

2:22AM let's meet at the park for new years?

this is the longest fic ive ever written and it's only half of it i dont expect it to get a whole lot attention cuz its quite shit my phone is lagging as i write this im splitting it into two parts because my phone cant handle this PLEAE leave a like and repost 😭 prt 2.

[shotanzz]

I think it would be great if you share your thoughts about placements as a post like venus signs, mars signs etc 🫶🏻

SHOSHO’S VENUS SUMMARIES

reminder this is based on my own knowledge/observations of these placements, if it doesn’t completely resonate with you remember other placements, aspects and factors could change how your venus manifests itself and these are meant to be general

Aries Venus: Very affection to your face lovers. There’s emphasis on the effort and excitement of the early stages of initiating relationships which is why it’s said they love the “chase” They’re more impulsive in romance so sometimes they can start/end things VERY quickly or they’re quick when deciding if they’re attracted to/like someone or not. Sometimes if they don’t have placements to stabilize the impulsive energy they can move too fast or expect too much too early. NO aries venus making fun of your crush is NOT the easiest way to express your feelings pls. Enjoys being alone but seethes at couples post. Despite having detached feelings they definitely can be possessive. Need relationships that makes them stop and smell the roses but still feel their autonomy.

Taurus Venus: They love to provide wellness and stability in their relationships. Taurus Venus women are absolutely sweethearts omg they’re such givers and want people they love to be comfortable and taken care of. Taurus Venus being possessive is relatively true but how far they’ll take it depends on other placements/aspects. Taurus Venus is definitely hedonistic, their venus is home at the planet of pleasures. Pretty traditional in relationships (believes in roles, courting, etc) They’re also prone to prefer more steady changing relationships rather than something fast paced and overly intense. They hate when their feelings and relationships are rushed or don’t move at a natural safe pace. Taurus Venus men tend to make very reliable bfs imo unless they have placements that make them stingy/unavailable.

Gemini Venus: Their ideal types, love languages, and what they’re into can change often since they can be easily influenced by information or new things they learn/see about people and relationships. To have them interested you must have them feel intrigued/mentally stimulated. They find intelligence attractive and are the type to be into quirky nerds or people that have wittt humor. They are written off as cheaters since they like variety/versatility but imo they just lose interest quickly if they feel bored or limited, whether they cheat or not is based on their own personhood and other aspects. Their flirt game is super proficient since they have a natural way with words. They tend to crush on people that they admire for their intellect. Their types are almost always never solid unless they have placements that says otherwise.

Cancer Venus: Super sweet and romantic when they don’t have much negative tension from other placements. Similar to Taurus they can be a bit old school or have more traditional relationship ideals. They love emotional intimacy. Very sappy and need a sense of safety within all relationships. They can however get their hearts broken or disappointed because they’ll have high hopes in the people that they date/are interests in but don’t get the energy they give out returned. They can become cold and wall themselves up during times of heartbreak. For cancer venus/mars men their parents/mothers relationship can def impact how they view relationships. If they allow themselves to be vulnerable that’s how you know you got them. Very sentimental and sincere in their relationships and even somewhat emo? I think of beach dates at night when I see them.

Leo Venus: Loves giving/receiving praises and compliments from their crushes, words of affirmation are a big love language trait. Leo venus women have solid standards imo. Wants to brighten up or bring more fun and ease into the lives of people they love, wants to serve a generous purpose to their partners. Very aware of how they feel and whether or not a relationship is satisfying them; they’re also very aware on whether or not their family or friends approve of the person they’re with. Big fans of creative impactful romantic gestures. They can sometimes view their lovers as an extension of themselves and are big on their partners being someone they can have pride in. Ngl their crushes can be celebs that are out of reach 😭. If/when they’re jealous it’s honestly..funny like omg you lost the idgaf war. HATE being embarrassed romantically.

Virgo Venus: So cautious in love but has a big desire to connect to someone. Pretty reliable or purposeful partners. Very big on the idea of pure intentions. Pretty picky or have very particular ideals for their crushes. They are lowkey attracted to people that are out the way or don’t bring too much attention on themselves. Not fond of relationship drama and extras that aren’t practical or of substance/usefulness (similar to cap venus). Gets actual butterflies in their stomach bc their anxieties go straight to their digestive 😭. They almost always have a significant relationship experience, example or idea that they model and develop relationships after. Virgo venus people lowkey have to be careful of someone taking advantage of their want to do good by their partner. Can accidentally self sabotage by their anxieties and idealisms towards relationships.

Libra Venus: Secretly strategic in their love life and pursuits like they PLOT on people. Daydreams about their crush’s face or stares at posts of it. Pretty accommodating in relationships. Needs a sense of reciprocation. Romantic in the ways that you see in the media, like if they could live in a romcom they would. They -love- love and the feeling of admiring someone. Can be very fickle with their interest however. Libra Venus girls who are interested in men DEF love pretty boys. Similar to cancer venus they can also be let down when the energy isn’t matched. Their ideal types are pretty open or versatile but they’re still into attractive/photogenic people (placements can affect this). However they hate a pretty face without a personality or talents. SOOO susceptible to falling into situationships or relationships without solid titles pls BE CAREFULL WITH THAT.

Scorpio Venus: Very intentional lovers. Secretly attracted to the loser bf trope 😭. Has very all or nothing views on relationships. Tries to be in control of how their crush perceives them. Needs honesty and transparency from their partner to function in relationships. Very intuitive partners !!Highly observant of the people they love. Stalks their crushes socials tbh. People think they’re all sexual deviants but tbh no a lot of them are highly protective of their intimacy. Desperately needs someone to match their freak, not sexually !! so hard for them to find someone who wants the same things as them. Some scorpio venus men like being ordered/told what to do . Can be prone/susceptible to relationships that are tumultuous or has extremes and can have a power imbalance within it. Sometimes into people who aren’t obvious in their interest towards them.

Sag Venus: Chronically looking for Mr/Mrs.right 🙂‍↕️. Can’t stand relationships with extreme power imbalances. Let’s their s/o do ANYTHINGGG like genuine favoritism towards their spouses 😭. They try to not allow their feelings to become too complicated. Are actually ok with being single for a while. Attracted to people who are devoted to something whether it is a cause, morals, set of principles, hobby, lifestyle, or religion. Also people with diff backgrounds, cultures and povs. Very comfortable in their sexuality also a lot of sag venus people are…fruity LOL. Hard for them to be mad at their lovers for a long time I’ve noticed ? SOMETIMES they can be hypocritical in relationships 😭. Very generous lovers both the men and women. If not interested in foreigners they’re very into people who have major experience within life that can teach them something.

Capricorn Venus: Why are we the love police like actually LMFAOO. Sacrificial and willing to endure for the people they adore. A part of us dies of embarrassment when disappointed with the people we like. Secretly geeks out abt whoever’s caught their eye in the confines of their room. Hyper realistic when it comes to love ideals. HATEs the dramatics, extras and games. Tries so hard to balance their goals with a love life. Likes people who are self sufficient. Similar to scorpio with all or nothing thinking in relationships. Will phase out of existence when the feelings get too complicated. No guys we can’t plan/imagine the future everytime we are in love with someone. Swear there’s always age difference stuff happening. You can tell how much a cap venus likes you by how much they’re willing to share/give you of anything that’s theirs. Silent pining.

Aqua Venus: Relatively unorthodox lovers. Goated at the friends to lovers trope (honestly anything to lovers). Covert hopeless romantics. Needs a relationship balance where they have time and space to themselves. Quietly protective over their spouses. Never dates or is attracted to the same type of person everytime, there’s always something distinct about them. Secretly strict lovers, yes do as you please but don’t disappoint them. Manages to know you better than anyone else. Also needs someone to match their freak. Studies the person they like so they can be an efficient partner. Hey so like no it’s not normal that everything gives you the ick. They love deep talks or someone who’s observant. Dislikes when a relationship moves too fast. Aqua venus men either hate hookup culture or loves it no in between.

Pisces Venus: If they could build a partner from scratch they would 😭. Highly accepting of their partners flaws despite that however. Loves and acknowledges even the smallest most little detail about their partners. Extremely forgiving TOO forgiving almost. Living proof that true adornment can exist. Needs to be careful of confusing admiration with romantic feelings. Can also allow themselves to be single for a pretty long time. Admires their crushes from afar. Also plots on the people they like. Will defend their s/o to the endddd of the earth if need be. Love language depends on the day, time, hour, and what song they recently listened to. Quietly goes insane when in love but tries to be chill about it (they fail). Don’t think I forgot you it’s not normal that anything can give you the ick either pisces venus !

[katiascraft]

BLOG MASTERLIST

works by cate :) hope you like it 💌 feedback is always welcome.

FORMULA 1

Charles Leclerc

“You knew all too well I was right where you left me” [on the making] -> It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.

“Am i too much for you? Maybe I’m too much for everyone” -> Reader feels insecure but Charles makes sure she knows how important she is to the world (specially his world).

“Tender is the night for a broken heart” -> You been feeling very sad lately. Your emotional stress is taking you places you didn’t want to back in ever again. And Charles knows it - just wanna make sure you know you are loved despite it all.

“You think you won ‘cause you got the man. But honey, you’ll always be a fan” -> Charles has a new girl and she’s obsessed with you.

“If I define her I limit her” -> You go together to the Gladiator || premier because your best friend Paul Mescal invited you. You didn’t expect Charles being so sweet talking about you on interviews.

“26” -> the world didn’t know you and Charles broke up a few months ago. it was until you haven’t been to any gp people started speculating. he finds some one new. Makes his dream com true. And you write an album about him reveling how you broke up and why.

Lando Norris

part 1: “opposite”, part 2: “sue me” -> Reader and Lando broke up a few months ago. You both assist a mutual friend’s birthday party and Lando has a new girl. Then reader has a girlfriend and thinks she’s all right. But did she really move on?

part 1: “so long, London”, part 2: “L’AMOUR DE MA VIE” -> You and Lando have been engaged for a while. You thought you were end game but he didn’t love you anymore. Then, you moved on. But Lando didn’t.

“If you were my boyfriend. And I was your girlfriend. Probably wouldn’t see nobody else” -> you are just ‘friends’.

“If nothing else get you through. Then darling, I’ll cry with you” -> Lando was fighting the championship until the Brazil GP happens. Max wins and Lando pretends it’s not a big deal. But you know, it is.

“Him” -> oblivious idiots to lovers. That’s what Max said.

“I would set the world on fire for you” -> after the Brazil GP, lando comes home to the worst week of his year. Also, it was his birthday. So even though the world hates him, you wanna make sure he is loved and he did nothing wrong. And that if you could you would set the world on fire for him.

Oscar Piastri

“I’ll pay the price I guess” -> the world hates you’re dating Oscar.

“This is how you fall in love” -> Oscar is truly, madly, deeply in love with you.

"Maybe i should've told you i miss you. But i don't know if you feel the same" -> your insecurities lead to lose the love of your life, but destiny always play its worst (or best) cards for you. in the aftermath of it all, two souls become one (again). or that's what you'd like.

Franco Colapinto

“But we were something, don’t you think so? And if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you” -> You and franco broke out a year ago. You are now Williams Racing social media manager and he’s an F1 driver. Your job just got a bit harder because of him. Is possible a second chance?

"Modales" -> You had a brief yet beautifully intense romance with F1 driver Franco Colapinto a few years ago when he was driving for F3. When he decided to end your relationship, you didn’t expect he would move on that quickly.

“Pueden más que el amor y son más fuertes que el Olimpo” -> how is like to date Franco since your teenage years. And how is for you as a student to balance your world and his world to make the relationship work.

Lewis Hamilton

“Can’t believe you’ve noticed me” -> Reader and Leiws are on vacation. One day under the golden hour he decides to sing you a song he wrote for you.

Made in Argentina : The series

Reader is argentine and Franco Colapinto's bestie.

Lando’s Version -> part 1

Oscar’s version -> part 1

Franco Colapinto

coming soon.

Like , reblog & comment if you like! Support your fave writers!

[galedekarios]

good day! thank you for beautiful visuals and metas of Gale, its great to find fans who care about him so! You got me thinking - for a character so romantic, so delighted to be in love Gale knew little about it with Mystra. He spoke about being her lover like it was a highest honor, losing her favor, being cut off described as fate worse than Netherese Orb itself. Gale agrees to die for her forgiveness no questions asked. All this while he realises deep down even through it was voiced later - he was her plaything, another mortal falling under her spell, no love requited ever could be there, gods don't feel it. It's very sweet and a little heartbreaking, how open and smitten he can be if romanced, how happy he becomes loving and being loved in return.

thank you for your wonderful and very sweet message, anon. 🖤 i really do appreciate it.

yes, that is everything that i find very touching about gale's romancce.

to me, gale is someone who hasn't truly known what love is yet. he has known worship and obedience, wonder and pleasure. i think, considering how young he was when mystra came into his life, it's perhaps no surprise at all that once their relationship changed, he may have thought it was love between them. it was most certainly for him. in fact, i do remember a particular line from early access that always stuck with me and truly showed the imbalance at work here:

Player: What did Mystra’s attention feel like? Gale: Love. 

and

Player: Teacher’s pet, was he? Gale: He fancied himself much more than that. He fancied himself favoured above all others. Perhaps it was not quite love, but you see, the wizard was but a very young man. It was most certainly love to him. Mystra showed him the secrets behind the veils. The gossamer veils first, draped across the Weave. The delicate veils next, draped across her body. ‘Chosen One’ she whispered, as she slipped them off completely.

and even now, in the full release version of the game, that sentiment still lingers. he wasn't just her chosen, he was her lover - and we learn throughout the game what love truly entails for gale: heart, mind, body and soul.

Gale: I'm many things to many people, but I'm never a man to throw the l-word around lightly. I said exactly what I meant: I love you. You should never, never doubt that. - Gale: We didn't just make love. We bonded, body and soul. I got lost in you.

with mystra casting him away, he not only lost his power, his status, but also one of his most central relationships with the goddess who was his teacher, mentor and love all at once, all at the same time.

but we also know that he had relationships before mystra and before the protag:

Gale: No, you are not the first. Though you are the first since my relationship with Mystra came to its ignominious end.

i think this quote is just so interesting, especially if you pair it with:

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command... None have loved me so purely before.

and:

Player: I love you. But for the man that you are. Not the god you'd pretend to be. Gale: But think what I offer. The vastness of eternity to explore, the Weave at our fingertips... You would really prefer me as I am? Node Context: Genuine, vulnerable - the player just told him they loved him in a way that no one else has

so whatever these relationships before were, it's clear that something was missing from them for gale. something that gale sorely needed.

all of these little puzzle pieces combine to a larger whole of why we find gale as he is when we meet him in the story: someone who very much is struggling to find any worth in the person that he is outside of what he can provide to be useful.

Gale: Let me make myself indispensable. - Gale: I'm indispensable, aren't I? - Gale: My best is yours. - Gale: Please - continue to believe in me. I want to show you the wizard I am capable of being, rather than the poor excuse for a man who's kept you company thus far.

there are so many more of these, following the same vein, even in act iii.

gale is only now learning how to be loved, how to allow himself to be loved, and under that continuous reaffirmation given by the protag, he opens up to it, strains towards it, like a flower to the sun.

Gale: You truly are a soul that steels my own. From all my new-rallied heart I thank you. I stand at a precipice, but if you do not give up hope, neither shall I. I'll fight, I'll resist - as long as I can. - Gale: You give me hope, and I've not had that in some time. - Player: How are you feeling? Gale: Worried, if I'm being honest. I have so much to live for - more than I thought I'd have again, after Mystra. - Gale: It's been so long since I used it. Gale Dekarios cuts a poor figure next to the wizarding prowess of 'Gale of Waterdeep'. Player: Gale Dekarios. I think I like him more. Gale: You like so many things about me I'd have sooner discarded... Your generosity is quite wonderful. - Gale: You see me as I am, and do not find me wanting.

he still has a very long way to go, to heal, it's not a process that's completed by the time his quest is completed or the game ends - and depending on your protag, they too have things that still weigh heavy on them as well - but it's a beginning.

[butterflydm]

rings of power, s2 eps 5-6

episode 5: Oooh, lots of rising tension in this episode.

We had some really good back-and-forth between Celebrimbor and Annatar, something of a soft power struggle that Annatar very much wins by the end. I can feel everything winding up tighter and tighter. Celebrimbor keeps placing his thumb right on the problem and then letting it slip away again, letting Annatar talk him around.

Something that Celebrimbor said... about how creating the Rings was as much about spirit as it was about metal. Maybe... maybe how corrupted each set of Rings ended up being depends on how corrupted the creator was when it was being made? We have seen some adjustment in behavior in the elven ringbears but it mostly seems to be about protecting the rings. But with King Durin, he was starting to behave in ways that reminded me of Thorin's goldsickness in The Hobbit. Greed and paranoia.

So... Annatar and Mirdania. She saw him in the Unseen World. She saw Sauron (yes, sadly, I heard her talking about his eyes being 'eternal and pitiless' and went 'oh wow that sounds hot'). And Annatar was able to convince her that what she saw was something that Celebrimbor had turned himself into. Using it as a way to sow distrust between Mirdania and Celebrimbor.

And then that moment at the end, when Annatar gets distracted by the play of the light in her hair and brings up Galadriel... I mean, I definitely noticed that Mirdania had something of the look of Galadriel about her, but the show wanted us to know that Sauron noticed it too. Thinking about the one who got away, huh? (that being said, Annatar didn't pay her any particular attention until she experienced his true form while wearing the ring and he needed to distract and turn her mind away so that she wouldn't realize the truth)

Durin III and Durin IV have now reversed their positions on safety measures, with the prince the one worrying over the dangers of where his dad is choosing to mine. And the king is falling into greed and paranoia - taking his ring off and then blaming other people for it being missing. Extremely concerning. And the Balrog is getting closer to where the dwarves are living inside the mountain.

Matters in Numenor continue to deteriorate. And this is not something I think we can blame on Sauron's influence. This is Numenor's own wounds eating itself alive, I think. Ambition and power-seeking, but not sparked by Sauron, except incidentally. It was Galadriel and Miriel who started this ball rolling, and it was Pharazon who forced matters to the point where they stand.

Oh, but the destruction of the shrine and the death there... that was heartbreaking. Poor kid.

And Kemen being all ~how does it feel to have a daughter ashamed of you?~ Ugh, what a slimy douchebag. Pretty sure that kid is destined for an ill end. Just like his mom predicted, apparently.

...I don't think Earien is destined for a long and happy life either. Path made of seawater... Ominous.

We got a hint of our upcoming potential alliance between Adar and Galadriel, but only a hint. In another example of reversals from s1 -- in s1, Adar was the common enemy that Galadriel and Halbrand shared; now Sauron is the common enemy for Galadriel and Adar. I will say... this is now the second potential alliance that Adar has sought with someone who kills Orcs (after the hill-troll).

My mom is really worrying over whether or not Isildur and his dad are going to get reunited! She really was heartbroken over Valandil (good kid) getting murdered by Kemen. So was I! She says that Celebrimbor definitely knows something's very wrong at this point, but doesn't know how to stop. She loved Galadriel coming out of the cage, just ready to fight ("such a warrior!") but doesn't think that Adar's proposed alliance is going to work out, because Galadriel won't have the patience for it.

episode 6: I feel like so much happened. Okay, okay, okay.

Gandalf's plotline is going well, no complaints. The romance between Poppy and Merimac/Nobody is... a bit rushed... but you know. So it goes sometimes.

The Numenor plotline was really good. Fascinating to witness the trial by Abyss, especially since it harkened back to the first episode of the season, when Halbrand also faced the serpent and it declined to eat him. Was that the Valar, giving Sauron a chance to show that he'd repented and was willing to change?

The conversation between Elendil and Earien felt very relevant. Pride vs integrity. Elendil will humble himself if he must, but will not disavow his genuine truths. Pride vs integrity feels like a very important distinction in this show, as pride is one of the things that Sauron encourages with his influence.

I feel like we brushed against the current limits of Annatar's power (and maybe why Sauron decides he needs to make the One Ring) -- he can't actually make King Durin do what he wants. The dwarven ring has turned the King into a greedy and paranoid shell of himself, but now that greed that Sauron created in him is stronger than the influence that Annatar can use over him.

Influencing but not forcing to his will.

So. The three elven rings -- the main influence we have seen them wielding is preservation (maybe including preserving themselves?) and a gifting of a certain level of foresight, perhaps (Galadriel and Gil-galad have both experienced this, but I don't know if Cirdan directly said that he has).

The dwarven rings... like I mentioned in the previous episode, I was getting Thorin Oakenshield goldsickness flashbacks when I was watching the way King Durin started to behave once he put the ring on. Greed, possessiveness, the need for more-more-more.

Now we have the rings for men (not yet complete). One of the prototypes for this ring allowed Mirdania a glimpse into the Unseen World (which, unfortunately for her, drew Sauron's notice to her).

Annatar also used the world 'precious' twice in this episode, which is always going to draw my attention in context of anything Tolkien-related. Once to King Durin and once to Celebrimbor.

Annatar's grasp over Celebrimbor's mind is so strong! All of their scenes together are dynamite, but creating that vision of the beautiful Eregion in order to soothe Celebrimbor and get him back to work... wow. Also, yeah, it puts Gil-galad and Elrond's fears about what might happen if Galadriel confronted Sauron into perspective. They are worried that Sauron could do this to her. Make her see a world that is entirely unlike the actual world around her. And he kinda is able to do that in the s1 finale - he yanks her into the meadow with her brother and then onto the raft to try to make his pitch to her.

If in ep5, we were given a reminder that (despite all his other work that he has going on), Sauron is still thinking about Galadriel, then we got a reminder here that Galadriel was... deeply affected by him in return.

I know that Adar is going to die at the end of the season, so that means that these moments between Galadriel and Adar are mostly about Galadriel's continuing story. It's about the connection between what Adar says about Sauron and how his words resonate with Galadriel, because she felt it too. The world without... Halbrand... is a dull grey in comparison to when she was with him. It is... diminished.

Galadriel tells Adar that she believes that Sauron has drawn him to Eregion on purpose; that when he's attacking the city, he's doing what Sauron wants. And she might be right. Annatar did not seem unhappy about the city being attacked (and, because they are very much mirroring each other, Adar also accuses her of playing into Sauron's plans by trying to 'prove her virtue').

The orcs are unhappy, though. The very first line in this episode was "Anything's better than dying to help Adar chase a ghost." They do not want to be doing this invasion. They wanted to stay in Mordor, where they could come out during the day and live their lives. They would have been satisfied with Mordor.

But Halbrand planted a whisper in Adar's ear. It probably worked even better once Adar put the pieces together and realized that Halbrand and Sauron were the same (though he did want to have it confirmed by Galadriel before he was certain), because he realized that he'd been tricked by Sauron.

His alliance offer was never a true offer, but a covert interrogation and Galadriel fell for it, which probably doesn't make her feel any better about her powers of discernment.

Did Annatar put on his hot new black outfit in anticipation of the arrival of the orc army? It's a good look on him.

Also, alas, @markantonys - I understand the Adariel vibe, but did not feel it myself. Maybe because I already know his fate? I do like his character a lot, but I found myself very much looking at him in context of what he implies about how Sauron relates to people (especially Galadriel), more than anything else.

My mom's thoughts: glad the queen survived! She is actually wondering if Adar might pretend to submit to Sauron in order to trick him and then backstab him again, which was an interesting thought, though I know the show doesn't go that way.

[polaris-likethestar]

making a part two to a previous post i made where i complained about the whole lesbian representation thing (once again so sorry for the long post, ima put a TLDR at the end) i saw on one of @holyblanchett ‘s asks someone mentioned that a show about middle aged women dealing with their trauma really started to stray away from that storyline, and how the story of sisterhood got pushed aside just to focus on the agatha/billy mentor/student storyline and i couldn’t agree more

also i know that this tackles some controversial as fuck topics and i know i’m gonna have people disagreeing with me and i realize i def could’ve said all of this in a better way but honestly, the anon really got me thinking and now i’m just even more pissed and this needs to be said (and ofc this is js my opinion)

anyways, the ironic thing is, i highly doubt jac and all the other writes and directors went in thinking this way. i do not, at all, believe that this was done on purpose. i just don’t believe that. what i do think that happened is that we, as a society, are so so so used to dealing with misogyny and we’re so used to hearing that younger is better that those sort of things just kind of stuck with us, whether or not we wanted it to.

the whole motherhood storyline with agatha was heartbreaking and should not be considered as just another way of fitting her a stereotypical woman category. motherhood is a beautiful thing and this was such an integral part of agatha’s story. however, we have been so accustomed to hearing that motherhood is a must-have for women that it’s become something that several (not all) people associate with “typical female roles” which is said because plenty of women/afab people enjoy being mothers and are excited to be a mother and motherhood is a beautiful thing (side note: if you are/want to be a mother that is amazing for you and don’t think i’m saying fuck motherhood cs that’s not what this is at all)

so, for me at least, it’s not the focus on agatha’s role as a mom that pisses me off. i love how her relationship with her son shows where some of her anger stems from, i love how well they incorporated that storyline into the show. but for me, it’s the that fact that motherhood is literally one of the biggest female stereotypes and like i said i don’t believe this was intentional what so ever but a story that basically says fuck stereotypes is being so stereotypical. like i said it sucks

and i know they did this to play into the whole maiden mother crone thing which was such a prominent thing in the show but still it doesn’t feel fair

also the whole “lesbian romance getting lowk pushed aside for a gay boy” thing co-insides with the whole “accidental sexist depections of womenhood situation” like i said before, we are so used to hearing that younger is better and billy is just that - young and he’s a boy. (i really really need to specify: no hate towards joe locke what so ever i truly mean it fuck u if ur hating he had nth to do with the writing and he does not deserve any hate)

so, yeah, like i said this probably could’ve been written better and i do believe any of this is one persons fault, no hate to ANY of the creators or cast they’re all amazing people and ultimately this show has been a huge step up when it comes to representation and has progressed so so much from so many other disney projects and shows and movies but still, this is js smth that bugged me sm and i rly felt it needed to be addressed in length cs this is js the same story, different show and i hate how accustomed society has become to stuff like this.

TLDR: people have become so used to gender roles and the idea that younger is better that even in a show that is a huge step up on disneys part when it comes to representation, we still have so far to go and i felt like this needed to be addressed but ultimately no hate to any of the cast or creators

[weaveandwood]

Just One Morning

Pairing: Solas x Lavellan (my Inquisitor, Leni) Words: 1.3K ANGST Summary: Leni struggles with heartbreak the morning after Solas breaks up with her. AN: My first venture into Solavellan hell I guess! I have been doing a quick Solas romance playthrough that I wasn't super invested in until this scene. And now here I am. Enjoy!

Read on AO3!

Just...one morning. 

That’s all Leni would allow herself as she lay in her bed, the cold sunlight filtering in through the stained glass windows of her too-large bedroom in this too-large building. She watched as the colors danced across her floor with each passing hour. Surrounded by stone, isolated in the mountains, away from her clan - she had never felt more lonely even though outside her door were people who all wanted a piece of her. She couldn’t bear to face them. Not quite yet. Not when she didn’t have anything left in her to give them. 

Everything she thought she knew was wrong. Everything she thought was true had been a lie. 

If she got any sleep overnight, it wasn’t enough. All she could think about was the look in his eyes before he pulled away from her, as if some lever had been flipped in his mind, one that turned the warmth that emanated from him that felt like it was only for her into something cold, distant, detached. That turned him into someone who could kiss her so tenderly, so thoroughly, then back away from her as if she were a threat. Someone who could whisper vhenan and I can’t in the same breath. 

She tried not to replay the memories of the previous evening in her mind, going over scenarios where it may have turned out differently, but a mind in the midst of a freefall never does what it is supposed to do. Memory flooded her. The feeling of their fingers laced together, the tingle of her cheek at the contact of his skin against hers for the first time outside of their dreams in the Fade. She remembered her heart pounding at the realization that she was awake. It was physical. It was real. She had longed for this for so many days, weeks, months, and it was finally happening. She felt like she could jump from the highest point of the waterfall that surrounded them and take off flying on the wind like a small bird. Little did she know her wings would be clipped. 

A flash of blue, a slight itching of her forehead and chin, then opening her eyes to the softest look he had ever given her. A flutter of her heart. You are free, you are so beautiful, he said before leaning in to press his lips against hers and kissing her like he had been yearning for it as well. He was always so composed, so polite, while they were out on operations but when they slept they would find each other in dreams and the night would pass with hands being held, stories being told, and stolen kisses. Kisses she always initiated. Kisses that always ended with Solas pulling away from her. 

In hindsight, she should have known it would happen again. She should have known he would call the cruelest action a kindness, that it was better in the long run. But there was that one stubborn part of her that wanted him, longed for him, even loved him. She foolishly thought he was bringing her to those elven ruins to tell her that the depth of his feelings matched hers. That he loved her. Instead, she made an even bigger fool of herself when she practically begged him not to leave her. She thought they could build a better world together. They could take the remnants of what was left of the ancient elves he regarded so highly and the broken fragments of Dalish culture and mend them together into something beautiful, something good, something real that could exist outside of the Fade. She thought she had seen a flash of hope in his eyes that she could cling on to and pull him back to her. She had been mistaken, left with her arms wrapped around herself as she watched him walk away and leave her embarrassed and alone. Perhaps a thing, once broken, could never be truly mended. She wondered what that meant for her heart. She closed her eyes, hot tears spilling out and leaving fresh marks on her pillowcase, joining the tears that had long since dried.  

She peeled herself off the bed, sitting at the mirror propped up on her desk. She didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her. She ran her fingers across her smooth, unmarked forehead. She had gotten her vallaslin right when she turned eighteen. She had been excited to receive hers, practically counting down the days. She thought back to how proud she was that she didn’t make a single noise of pain throughout the entire process - an impressive feat because it was quite painful and remembered thinking she was so strong. She had always wanted to be like her clan’s Keeper, the strongest of them all. Her eyes, red-rimmed and puffy from crying all night, were proof she never would be.

I have distracted you from your duty. It will never happen again.

Her biggest fear. She had confided in him so many times during their talks in the Fade that she was terrified of Leni being forgotten, brushed aside in the name of duty. Their fingers entwined, leaning against each other, he promised he would never do that to her, that she was rare and marvelous and more than a title. Another lie. With no vallaslin, no connection to her clan, and no him, she was fully untethered, shipwrecked, a lonely piece of driftwood lost in the middle of a vast sea. She had been stripped bare, the final piece of her identity gone. It had slowly been chiseled away since the beginning, her name being replaced with prisoner, then Herald, then Inquisitor. Why had she agreed to remove her vallaslin? Did it matter, really, what they represented in the past if the ones who believed in that were long dead and forgotten? She was so proud to be Dalish, to wear her heritage so openly and now no one would know she was. She feared this would be her biggest regret in her entire life. Even more than…

Don’t leave me, not now. I love you.

She turned away from her desk, stepping onto the balcony, hoping the cool mountain air would perform some sort of magic to make it look like she hadn’t sobbed herself into a fitful sleep and wandered what few dreams she managed, looking for him to explain. To tell her anything. To tell her everything. To tell her she hadn’t imagined it all, that it wasn’t one-sided, to make it all make sense. Her heart was shattered, tiny fragments filling the space where it once beat proudly. Her world was tipped on its axis. Solas had picked away, slowly, at the foundation of every truth she held dear about her culture and annihilated every truth she held dear about their relationship. Was anything else true? Were the people she considered her friends truly friends, or did everyone only see her as a symbol? If only they could see her now, wiping away fresh tears, the mountains that surrounded Skyhold her only witness. The wind blew as it always did at these heights, but the chill felt so refreshing on her skin and on her scalp as it weaved through her hair. She looked at the sky, judging the sun’s position. She was able to grant herself one morning, but no matter how much tried to push back against it she was still the Inquisitor. She still had to defeat Corypheus. One of Leliana’s birds flew by - the Inquisition never rested, and until this was over, neither could she.