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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 5 months

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You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter fifteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.5K (I got carried away again)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Crying, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

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Present Day *Reader POV*

The shopping bags that hung from your arms would have been heavy for the average person, but for you it seemed like a bag full of pillows. It was the day after you saw Rosemary and said goodbye. Despite the almost excruciating hangover you had this morning, because it'd been almost forty years since you last had a drink, you dragged yourself to the mall to try and find outfits for your trip to Russia. You were satisfied with the few outfits you found, but you were worried because the plane left in a few hours and you were no where near ready.

Mentally or physically.

As much as you wanted to go help Ben, you still were apprehensive about the whole situation, not just about going in blind, but wondering what the hell you were going to do when you saw Ben. You wanted to hold on to your anger, but you were afraid that the moment you looked into his green eyes you would forgive him.

I am not going to forgive him. I'm going to break him out then tell him to fuck off and I never have to see him ever again.

Despite your apprehension, you knew that you had to do this, that you had to go help him even if you still hated him because you couldn't bear the thought of the boy you grew up with being tortured over there all alone. It was the alone part that hurt the most. You knew how much Ben hated being alone. He never had to say it out loud, but all the time you'd spent together in your bedroom before and after the injection spoke volumes.

Of course you still had no idea where you were going, but figured that if you went to the Kremlin you could get some answers, which meant you'd either have to lie your way in or just kill anyone in your path. Which would be messy, but necessary. You try to shake off the guilt of exposing yourself again and what that could mean for Rosemary and Lou. You made sure that Rosemary knew to pack a bag for herself and for Lou and told her to wait for your call.

You wanted to be there to escort them out of the city, didn't want to split up and have them get snagged while you were waiting for them at the rendezvous point, so you told Rosemary to take a few days off and lay low.

When you get to the outside door of your apartment building toting the bags, you notice that it's been broken, as if someone tried to pull it off its hinges.

Well that's great. Hopefully the building manager noticed that.

Your mind drifts back to Ben as you step into the elevator.

What if he isn't alive when I get there? It was an unwelcome thought, but it meant that you wouldn't have to talk to him.

Maybe if I knock him out when I get there and just leave him in a Russian motel somewhere, I won't have to talk to him. You pause. Will he want to talk to me?

The memory of the last time you spoke flashes through your mind bringing an unmeasurable amount of rage and heartbreak back over your body. The dam you built to keep out everything that happened was reaching capacity, especially given the recent events with Countess, and you knew that the moment you saw Ben it was going to burst open. You hoped that you'd be able to keep it together long enough to get out of the lab or wherever the hell he was being held, before you lost it. But it was doubtful.

As you walk down the hallway to you apartment, you notice that your front door is open and you stop walking. Apprehension spikes at the back of your mind as you examine the door. The lock is broken and door is cracked just enough for you to hear people talking inside in hushed tones. You creep forward and look through the crack.

You've got to be kidding me. You groan to yourself noticing Butcher and Hughie standing in your living room.

Great. Just what I need. Right when I'm going to leave they show up. Guess that explains the mystery of the broken door downstairs.

You think about walking away, of going back down the elevator and hoping that by the time you come back they would be gone, but you knew you had to face them and you still had to pack. So you push open the front door of your apartment and step into the room.

"You know when I called saying that I had something else to say about Soldier Boy, I assumed you would call, not break into my apartment." You sigh before moving to the right side of the counter that divides the room between the living room and the kitchen and depositing the shopping bags on the stainless steel top.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked poppet. Anyone could walk in." Butcher replies with a grin.

"Hmm. Sure. You guys here for more coffee?"

"Go shopping did you?" Butcher ignores your snark eyeing the bags.

"Yeah I needed a few new outfits for my art show next month." The lie is easy, but you know that the sudden appearance of the two of them probably meant you were caught red handed. Of course now with everything that happened with Countess, you didn't care anymore if Butcher and Hughie knew who you really were. "You doing okay there Hughie?" You raise an eyebrow as you notice how his heartbeat has spiked since you entered the apartment.

"Good." He says, but he looks uneasy.

Well, guess he's afraid of me now.

"Huh. And here I thought you were replacing your jacket." Butcher throws your ruined jacket onto the floor between you.

You look from the jacket to Butcher. You hadn't bought a replacement and hadn't wanted to throw it out. You were still hoping that the scorch marks looked like you had "distressed" it. It didn't and you knew that, but you loved that coat so much.

"See, I think it’s a big coincidence that Countess got right fucked after we came and talked to you." Butcher smiles.

"Probably the same coincidence as Gunpowder dying before you showed up here the first time." You breeze with a tight-lipped smile.

Where was he going with this? Was he here to kill me? You think about what Legend said about Butcher killing supes.

"That looks bad." Butcher gestures to the jacket. "You have a little spat with your good friend?”

"Let's just say she said a few things that upset me." Your eyes skate from Butcher to Hughie sizing them up. "If you're here to kill me, you're welcome to try. Oh sorry, 'arrest me'." You make air quotes around the words. "But we both know you're not government agents, you reek of Compound V and the last time I checked there was that whole, no supes in the government thing."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get this out of the way the first time?" Hughie asks.

"I didn't want to be involved." You shrug your shoulders.

"Then why you'd buy a plane ticket to Russia?" Butcher takes a step towards you, but you hold your ground.

You weren't afraid of him.

"I hear it's nice this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. Very pleasant." You snap back at him eyes narrowed, before you look down at the antique watch on your wrist. "Look I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I just don't have time to do this little dance with you. So we can either get to the part where you try to kill me or-" You raise your gaze from the watch to glare back at Butcher, but then your eyes focus on the hallway behind him and your heart stops.

Ben is standing there in the shadows looking at you the same way he always has, with those wonderful piercing green eyes that makes all other memories of them be put to shame. He's dressed in modern clothes, wearing a dark green shirt that hugs his perfect muscular chest and is the same color of his suit, your favorite color and the one you can never look at without thinking of him because damn it, it's also the color of his eyes. He looks the same, but different. His hair is longer and darker than it was the last time you saw him and his cheeks are covered by a trimmed but thick beard. It was unusual given that you'd never seen him with more than just a little bit of stubble and annoying because it makes him look even more ruggedly handsome, but despite the piercing way his eyes follow you, you can see a haunting memory of the last forty years.

You're upset that the one of the first thoughts you'd had beside staring at him open mouthed is that you wished you were wearing something more flattering than one of your pairs of paint splattered overalls over an old band t-shirt. You were going to Russia to get him and yes maybe you were shopping for things that you could move in, but you had picked out a particular revenge outfit that you believed would make Ben regret everything he did to you and also might have been paired with a particularly badass set of boots that made your legs look very long. The outfit that made you feel beautiful and sexy was unlike the one you were wearing at the moment. Also because you hadn't brushed your hair today and had just stuck it up in a messy bun at the back of your head.

You're struck with the urge to run to him and kill him at the same time, but you can't move and you can’t think.

Apart of you believed that you would find him dead in Russia, a sad thought but it meant that you wouldn't have to relive everything all over again. Everything that went to shit the last 24 hours you spent together that you relived with Countess the other day and now you were reliving when you looked at him standing there looking better than he should.

Because damn it, only Ben could be tortured in a lab for the past 40 years and walk away looking like a GQ model. I've never hated anyone more.

"Ben?" Your voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ben pushes past Hughie and Butcher, taking careful steps towards you like he doesn't want to scare you away. "Y/n." The sound of your name on his lips fills you with an inescapable amount of warmth.

Traitor. You think to yourself at your body’s reaction.

He's standing so close to you now that you can smell the same shampoo and aftershave he always used and it brings back memories of the nights he spent in your bed with you laughing and talking like nothing had changed making you feel alive again for the first time in forty years. Before everything went into the blender set to puree.

Ben's eyes trace your body like he can't believe you're standing in front of him making you wish again that you're wearing the outfit you picked out so that you could look as good as he does. And just as he raises his hand towards your face you remember why you hated him, remember that night, remember what Countess said that caused her to lose her head.

Your hand flashes out so quick you don't think Ben notices it until it lands with a resounding slap against his cheek that sends him reeling back from you. Your strengths were similar, almost identical, and if he hadn't been invulnerable it would have ripped his perfect jaw from his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Ben snaps, green eyes blazing as he looks back at you.

"You've got some nerve coming back here after all these years." You spit, the anger rising in your chest with wings of fury that beat against your ribcage. "Did you really think that you could just say my name again and make me forget everything that happened Benjamin? I am not one of those trashy women that you used to fuck and the fact that you think you can show up here, give me the fucking puppy dog eyes, and think that I’ll swoon, is ridiculous!”

There goes the dam.

Your gaze levels on Hughie and Butcher who look just as stunned. "And you two. Why did you bring him here? I didn’t want any part of this!”

"Why did you pretend to be dead!" Hughie shouts back.

"Did you think that maybe that was me trying to tell you that I didn't want to be involved? Or are you two just that fucking stupid?"

"Why did you buy a plane ticket then?" Butcher asks again, raising an eyebrow.

Ben is watching you with anger burning in his eyes. It's difficult for you to look at him. Every time you do you think about your last night together, the morning after when he pushed you away, and finally the night where he ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.

How did I ever think I could look at him again when I got him out of Russia?

"Because even though I hate him. He doesn't deserve that. The Ben I knew would have come to get me, and I wasn't going to leave him to rot in some fucking Russian prison." You snap back. "Now get out of my apartment."

"Sweetheart-" Ben begins to say.

"No. No. No. I don't want to hear it from you. Nothing you can say can make this better. I’m glad you’re free or whatever, but go. Get out." You push past him, but Ben's hand flashes out and grabs your wrist with enough force that you feel the bruising of your skin.

"No." He towers over you.

"Let. Me. Go." Your eyes narrow shifting to bright purple. The entire room begins to tremble, the glass windows shake in their panes and the glass jars full of paint brushes on your studio table begin to clink against one another. But he doesn't remove his hand.

"Not until you listen." Ben's own green eyes have hardened into a emerald.

You latch onto the wrist that is holding you and break his grip, before spinning and throwing him backward across the room away from you. Ben's body flies past Hughie and Butcher who watch with wide eyes as he hits the back of the couch and pinwheels over it with a loud thud as he lands on the cushions. You would have rather thrown him into the brick living room wall, but you restrained yourself.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Benjamin. You said enough that night and apparently you were saying lots of things to Countess about me. So get out." Your eyes skate across Butcher and Hughie. "All of you."

Hughie is still watching you with wide eyes, like he can't believe that just happened.

Join the club kid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben shouts, standing from the couch and straightening his clothes. You don't need to be a psychic to know how angry he is. In fact, you're surprised he's not throwing you out the window or at least throwing a punch. Ben didn't tolerate it when anyone put him in his place and it definitely looks like it's taking him an extreme amount of effort not to attack you, given the way his hands are clenched into fists and the way his jaw is tensed so tightly you can see the muscle flexing.

"She told me what you said about me. That you threw me a pity fuck because you felt sorry for me, that you were bored when we had sex because I was so inexperienced."

"It's not true."

"Isn’t it?" You're trying desperately not to cry, but the angry tears have already begun to well up in your eyes. "The last thing you sad to me was that I was pathetic and that you never would love me, never could love me. That you fucked me because you felt bad for me and you wished I would just fuck off. That I was just another warm pussy and that I meant nothing to you. So forgive me for not believing you."

"Oh shit." Butcher mutters under his breath.

"Damn." Hughie echoes.

"I know what I said to you, Y/n. I've spent the past 40 years regretting it-" Ben begins to say, but you interrupt him.

"Oh I'm so sure. The Great Soldier Boy actually has a conscience, let me just alert the media." You spit back. "Oh wait, sorry you wouldn't want that getting out would you Ben? Because that would mean you aren't a man."

"Y/n-" He growls.

"You don't get to come in here and apologize and act like you did nothing wrong. You're not here because you feel sorry, you're here because you want me to dote on you, to follow you around and give a shit like I did for 40 fucking years.”

“Y/n-“

"Stop saying my name like that!" You shout and the glass sugar dish on the counter flies off the counter and smashes into the floor sending shards of glass everywhere.

Hughie flinches.

"Like what?" Ben exclaims.

"Like you care." You cross your arms over your chest staring him down because you don't want to keep crying.

"I do fucking care about you-" Ben snaps running his hand through his dark hair frustrated.

"No you don't. You never did. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

"Yes I do."

"Please stop talking."

"What else do you want me to say?" Ben shouts back, moving towards you. "I'm trying to fucking apologize-"

"I don't want you to say anything and I don't want to hear your half-assed apology! I want you to leave. You and your creepy friends." You gesture back to where Hughie and Butcher are watching with open mouths, who are unsure if they should leave or watch the show.

"They're not my friends."

"And neither am I! Which means I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say!”

"Y/n please-" His teeth are gritted together.

“I'm not some fangirl Ben. I was your friend, your friend before any of this. Before any of this fucking supe shit. I cared about you. I had been in love with you since I was 8. I had taken care of you since the night we met." More tears squeeze down your cheeks as a lifetime of happy memories before everything went down the drain wash over you. The wonderful times you'd shared together at the park, in your bedroom back in Philadelphia, dancing in the dancehall, at baseball games and Ben walking you home all the while you wobbled down the street drunkenly and sang off key. All the blissful little moments that you thought maybe he felt the same way about you and then followed by the moments you spent together the night of your birthday, when you felt more special and loved than you'd ever had. It makes the knife he stuck in your back even sharper.

"That night we spent together meant everything to me. I thought it was special and I thought you loved me. But you don't. You just fucked me because you were bored and you found the first person who said yes.” Your body turns away, but he grabs you by the shoulders to make you look at him.

"I do love you damnit!" He shouts. "I didn't want to-" Ben's jaw clenches in frustration, looking back at Butcher and Hughie. "Can you two just fuck off?"

"I wish you all would." You say, trying to loosen his grip on your shoulders, but he doesn't let go. You think about throwing him across the room again, because it made you feel a lot better.

"Fine. We'll be outside." Butcher says tugging Hughie away.

"Are you sure?" Hughie asks looking from you to Ben as if he's worried to leave the two of you alone.

"You want to be here? Because they're either going to kill each other or start fucking." Butcher responds.

"We are not going to start-" You begin, but they're already out the front door of your apartment leaving you alone with Ben, who is still holding on to your shoulders.

"Please listen to me." Ben says looking deep into your eyes. "When you said that you loved me it-" He stops looking for the right word as if he can't say the next ones that come out of his mouth. "Oh fuck it, it fucking scared me. Okay? It scared me, Y/n, and damnit I'm not a pussy! I'm not afraid of anything!"

“Oh no you could never be a pussy could you? Soldier Boy could never admit that he had real feelings for someone.” Your voice wobbles, tears trailing down your cheeks as you poke him in the chest to emphasize every word. “And now you’re just saying what I want to hear, because you want to have another quick fuck!” You push your hands against his chest trying to push him off of you, but he won't let go. "You're just saying it because its been forty years since you had sex and you thought, huh might as well find the most pathetic person I know, Y/n won't say no if I pretend to be everything she wanted again."

He doesn't mean it. He doesn't love me.

"I’m not lying to you! And I’m not pretending! I wasn't pretending that night either!” Ben roars so loudly you flinch. “That night I felt things with you that I had never felt with anyone else. It wasn't cheap sex or a quick fuck-" His jaw tightens as if he's embarrassed to admit it. "Damn it.” His teeth are gritted together. “We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I’m ready now, I’m not scared anymore. I love you!”

He's saying everything you always wanted him to, but you're scared. Scared that he's just saying it, that he thinks it's what you want to hear and this is the only way that he can get you back into his life because he needs someone to follow him around, because he can't be alone.

You stand there for a minute taking in his stance. His head is slightly bowed in shame, shoulders tight, body leaning towards you. But then you catch his eye, you see the sorrow, frustration, and pain in his gaze. Ben was not big on sharing feelings and for him to admit all of these things aloud was shocking enough without the obvious emotions flashing in his eyes. It was so different than the stoic or pissed off attitude he usually had when he was Soldier Boy. The look in his eyes is so earnest and Ben has never been a good liar, not to you anyway. You always knew what he was thinking.

If I forgive him then what does that mean? I forget the past 40 years like they never happened? I forget all the tears when he broke my heart? Forget how broken I was? How broken I still am?

You think of all the times you missed him, all the times you forgot about what he said to you and remembered the good, all the times you wanted him there with you and Rosemary because you knew he would love to be there. All the early memories together, all the missions, everything that lead up to the falling out and Ben’s supposed death. Ben's admission of guilt and his confession of love for you was shocking. Especially because the Ben you knew 40 years ago would have rather dropped dead than say the words "make love."

No. I won't give in. I can't do this, I can't do this all over again. I was better, I was moving on, he doesn't have the right to come here and mess up my life all over again.

"No." You shout, shoving him away with all your strength. Ben stumbles backward, his eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting you to push him away, because of course he wasn't. “You don’t know anything about love. You’re just saying that because you know it’s what I want to hear, what I’ve always wanted you to say to me.”

He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

“I’m not just saying that, it’s true. Please y/n-“

"I don't believe you. And when I said I never wanted to see you ever again I wasn't lying. So get out Ben!" You shout.

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving." Ben says back determined.

You weren't prepared for what those words did to you. You weren't prepared for the floodgate of emotions that exploded the moment those words passed through his lips or the way it felt like you were being tugged in two different directions. Because despite wanting to throw him across the room again, those three little words made you want to run into his arms and hold him close, made you want him to take you to bed and make you forget all the shitty things that happened forty years ago, make it like he never left.

But you couldn't do it. As much as you wanted to forgive him, you couldn't because you didn't trust him anymore, you didn't trust that he could give you what you wanted.

“Too bad! I won’t do this to myself again. All I did was care about you, help you. I stood by you and made excuses for the person you became and I held on to this picture of the boy you used to be. The one I fell in love with. The one that used to climb in my window when things were hard. The one that took me to my first baseball game. The one who danced with me. The one that made me feel like less of a freak because he understood me. And the one that begged me to leave Howard and everything I knew and come with him. That night we were together I saw that boy again. I loved that boy. I would have done anything for him and I did. But he’s not here anymore. And I hate myself for holding on to him as long as I did.”

"But I told you I loved you!" Ben exclaims.

“Just saying that isn’t enough, not after everything that happened!” You shout. "You're forty years too late Benjamin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to bed. And I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”

"Y/n please-" You hate how he sounds when he says it, like he's broken, because Ben has never once sounded that way in all the years you'd known him. You hate how he looks. How his dark hair is falling forward into his face and he looks so much like the boy you used to love that it makes you want to scream, because you wanted to believe that he was gone, but all you see when you look up at him is that boy. There is not one shred of Soldier Boy in the way he looks right now and you hate that. You hate that you wanted to forgive him, that all it took was him looking like at you like that. But you still can't do it.

"Just go." Your throat thickening as you say it, fresh tears trailing down your cheeks. "I don't want you here. I never want you to come here ever. I never want to see you again.” You lie pushing past him and walk down the dark hallway, slamming and locking your bedroom door behind you. Your body sinks to the floor as you pull your knees up into your chest, sobs shaking your body and tears pour from your eyes.

How many tears can I spend on one man? How do I still have any left after all these years? How could I have been stupid to think that I was over him? That I could just go to Russia, break him out, and then push him out of my life so easily? None of what just happened was easy.

Your face presses into your knees. You want to call Rosemary, call her and tell her what happened, but your phone is still on the counter and you couldn't go back out there, because you knew he was still there. Standing in your living room looking too perfect after all these years and saying all the things you always wanted him to and you don’t want to go out there and forgive him.

So you stay. Your back pressed against the door, crying into your knees and hoping that this will just all end.

Because it’s got to one day right?

***************************************************

*Soldier Boy POV*

He hadn't meant to reach for you, but all he wanted was to feel the gentle swell of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, the smoothness of your skin against his rough fingertips, and to memorize the planes of your face with his touch. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. Your curves perfectly accentuated by a pair of cute paint splattered overalls that made him smile, and your hair pulled away from your face in a messy bun but still made you look effortless and striking. When he saw you standing there, it was like taking a punch to the gut. He knew that he missed you, but seeing you there warm and alive made him want to crush you against his chest and never let you go ever again.

He had laid himself bare before you, allowing himself to push through the urge to shove all his emotions back beneath the surface as his father taught him, and spoke, instead, the words he wished that he had said all those years ago.

Ben's shoulders tense when he thinks of what you shouted back at him, how broken you looked. His heart falls into the pit of his stomach when he remembers the tears in your eyes. Ben hated it when you cried. He also hated that the first time he saw you in forty years he made you cry, again.

He didn't know how to fix this. Ben thought that his apology would be enough to make you at least try to forgive him, but it hadn't. You had shoved him away from you, refused to let him touch you or comfort you-

Why is she so damn stubborn? I apologized! I told her that I loved her! Isn’t that what she wanted?

He grits his teeth together thinking about how you threw him across the room like he weighed nothing. If anyone else had done that to him, Ben would have killed them, but he knew that he deserved it. He knew you would be mad, but he thought that you would at least want to hear everything he had to say instead of cursing him out and slamming the door in his face.

When you slammed your door behind you, he had stood outside of it for an hour listening to you cry, heard your soft muffled sobs. At one point he leaned his head against the door and wished you would let him in so he could hold you while you cried, even though the thought made him feel like a pussy. He wanted to comfort you. He wished you had forgiven him, allowed him to take you to bed, allowed him to show you how sorry he was and how much he loved you. He wished that you let him help you forget the last shitty forty years that you spent without him, forget what he said and what he did to you that night.

The harsh words you yelled at him make him flinch, when you told him that you didn't want him there and never wanted him to come back. They were the words that he always feared you would say to him when he climbed in through your window at night or when he showed up at your apartment when you were still on Payback. And hearing you say those words felt worse than anything those Russian fucks did to him. Because Ben didn't know where he belonged if he wasn't with you, he didn't know what to do if you weren't in his life, you were the only thing that mattered.

How could I fuck this up this much?

Ben looks back at the clock on the wall in the kitchen which shows he'd been there for three hours waiting for you to come out of your room, but you hadn't. He knew it was because you fell asleep, he could hear your heart beat, your soft breath against the pillows, and the almost silent sounds you made when you slept. They were exactly the same as when he would fall asleep next to you and damn it he didn't realize how much he missed them until this exact moment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I fucking fix this?

Ben stands from the couch and walks down the hallway for the millionth time to stand outside your door preparing to knock, but he didn't know what to say. He thought that he'd said enough, but judging by your reaction he hadn't.

The thought of saying anything else was difficult for him to swallow. It was hard enough to say what he had to you, but he was realizing he was going to have to delve even deeper to make you even look at him again or want to be around him.

Finally he goes to the front door of your apartment before he looks back down the hallway. He didn't want to leave, didn't want you to wake up and him not be there despite what you said about wanting him to leave. He wanted you to understand that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was never going to leave you ever again no matter how hard you tried to push him away. But he needed to leave now, not for long, just long enough for him to get what he needed.

He had seen the florist shop on the corner when Butcher drove up. As Ben walked down the street in the direction of the florist he remembered the conversation he had with Butcher after you slammed your door in his face. Convincing Butcher to let him remain in the apartment was difficult, but finally when Ben threatened to rip Hughie in half, Butcher relented stating that he would give Ben one night with you before he came back. That was the deal anyway, Ben had lied, because like hell he was going to leave now that he'd found you again.

Ben wasn't planning on leaving and even if you couldn't stand to look at him, Ben would not go. Even if it meant sleeping on that shitty couch every night.

He would never leave you again.

The smell of the flowers wafted out of the small shop when Ben opens the door, his eyes skating across the numerous bouquets, each one more extravagant than the last. Other women would swoon over them, but not you. His eyes fall first on roses, but he turns away. He knew that you didn’t like roses, although many believed them to be classic, Ben knew that you thought over the years that roses had become generic and overused. He of course had sent some to numerous women over the years, but he liked that you were different. He always liked that about you. He rolls his eyes when he remembered when Howard bought you some every week.

Because of course that asshole didn’t know what y/n liked. No one knows her as well as me.

The man behind the counter eyes him when he walks in. "Can I help you find something sir?"

"No." Ben says gruffy looking at the displays again, but then he sighs. "Do you have any lavender?"

"Lavender?"

"Yeah." Ben knew it was the only thing that you would accept, knew that it was your favorite because it reminded you of the house your family rented over the summers up North. Ben hated those summers. He'd break into your bedroom and sleep in your bed while thinking of you and reading the letters you sent him over and over again, the ones that you pressed fresh lavender into and the ones that made him realize just how much he needed you.

Those of course weren’t the only letters you ever sent him. When he went to boarding school he’d wait for you to send him a letter and one of your doodles or a small painting. He kept every one in a cigar box under his bed. It was why he was kicked out of boarding school number nine, a fight he had with another student began because the student had found the box and then proceeded to mock Ben endlessly by passing around the letters you sent him. Ben had never told you what the fight was about.

Ben stops as he realizes how he’s going to get you to listen to him.

“Here you are sir.” The florist reappears at the counter holding a large vase of freshly cut lavender.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?” Ben asks.

“Sure.”

The object the man hands him is not a phone, well not a phone that Ben’s ever seen before.

“I said a phone-“

“That is a phone?” The man looks confused.

“How do I fucking call someone with this?” Ben sighs shaking the black rectangle in his hand and looking for the buttons.

The man takes the object and swipes his fingers across it before handing it back to him so Ben can see the numbers to dial. “Just push what you want and hit the green button.” The man says, looking at Ben like he's crazy.

“Oh. Thanks.” He mutters, before dialing the number and holding the phone up to his ear.

Legend answers on the first ring.

“Hey it’s me. Do you still have all my old shit from my apartment?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

******************************************

N/A: Why not end on a cliffhanger? This chapter is a bit longer, because this week is CRAZY for me and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next chapter. But I'm not giving up on these two. They deserve the world.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think. If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna @abramswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit

#soldier boy x you #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x female reader #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #the boys #jensen ackles #soldier boy fic #billy butcher #the boys amazon #hughie campbell #the boys fanfic #jackles #the boys season 3 #the boys series #the boys tv #the boys s3

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hungharrington · 1 year

Text

masterlist

from oldest to latest. as always, this entire blog and everything produces on it is 18+. minors do NOT interact, you will be blocked. feel free to flick me a message if a link is busted or in the wrong place <3

i feel it coming, babe You're a little worried that the first time with Steve was a fluke. Between kisses and laughter and a tender amount of trust, you give it another go. 12k fem!reader, oral (f recieving), p in v, lots and lots of love <3

jealousy, jealousy Steve doesn't take kindly to even the thought of sharing you. hickies, grinding

kisses one through eight You're less experienced than maybe Steve realises and desperate to get things right. Good thing there's no way to get it wrong. sfw!

minute man (popular!) Steve Harrington has had stamina. afab!reader, p in v

i like you so much (popular!) It's definitely not his first time but god, does it feel like it with you. afab!reader, p in v, goofy but lovin

casual intimacy (popular!) Sometimes it's the little things. An evening of domestic pleasure between you and Steve. gn!reader, fade to black smut

spread (popular!) Steve has a favourite position. fem!reader, p in v

rub me just right (popular!) You're a big fan of lazily jerking Steve off and watching the show unfold. gn!reader, handjob, whiny steve

payback Steve teases you, but not without reason this time. fem!reader, more goofy than sexy imo, oral (f receiving)

take what you want Steve loves nothing more than being useful. fem!reader, whiny steve, in love stuff as always

steaming up Sometimes getting clean in the shower also means getting a little dirty. shower sex, fem!reader, p in v

a little less conversation, a little more action, please (popular!) You've had some bad sex and... well, thinking sex is the problem is easier than admitting it might be you. Steve knows better; that you just need someone to take care of you. 8k words.

two places at once Late night sixty-nineing can get messy. And loving. And competitive. afab!reader, 69, a pinch of face sitting

the price of pretty nails You've got fake nails and that means certain activities are restricted. Turns out, your best friend Steve is more than happy to help you out. fem!reader, fingering, plenty of teasing

cupped hands Even when he's fucking your mouth, Steve's gentle. You wish he wasn't so much. gn!reader, blowjob

wipe out Sitting up too quick can you have you passing out, even at the most inopportune moments. afab!reader, p in v, a touch of hurt/comfort

sittin' pretty (popular!) prompt: “just sit here and look pretty for me." You're ready to ride your boyfriend into oblivion - Steve has other, better, ideas. fem!reader, light choking, hella praise kink, riding but really its u getting railed from the bottom

you know what they say about big hands Some damn good finger-fucking from Mr. Steve Harrington. afab!reader, fingering, lil bitta condescending!steve

eyes on me Steve's a sap for eye contact, even if it means giving up some positions. afab!reader, p in v, riding

counting with kisses You count all of Steve's moles. sfw blurb, supa lovey dovey

my eyes are up here, handsome You catch Steve staring at you boobs. sfw blurb!

taunt Menace!reader teases Steve in the car by tugging the straps of their bikini loose. afab!reader, no smut just teasing :)

menace Steve can be a menace in bed, giving you a little of what you want, but not enough. afab!reader, fingering, teasing + menace!steve convincing you to blow him after the gym

tremble Sometimes, you need loving time... on your knees, pulling out every little whimper from Steve to let him know how adored he is. gn!reader, blowjob, praise

morning spoon (popular!) Some mornings, you wake in that certain mood. Good thing Steve's always on board. gn!reader, p in v, lazy morning sex

drunk call Just a sweet drunk voicemail, sfw :D

take the picture Steve makes you a deal. You take the photo correctly and he'll make you cum, over and over and over. afab!reader, mean!steve, photos taken during sex, p in v

you know how much i love you, right? (popular!) You aren't liberal with your i love you's. Unless, of course, it's when your hand is curled around Steve's cock, watching how he falls apart as you coo praise at him. gn!reader, handjob

loud prompt: JOY, sender getting louder than usual which makes receiver start laughing affectionately, taking the opportunity to check in. fem!reader, p in v, pussy-drunk steve :)

what do you need? (popular!) prompt: CLOSE, sender wrapping their arms around receiver who is on top after they’ve finished, holding them close against their chest with their face hidden in their neck while they recover. fem!reader, p in v, reader takes longer to cum

shy baby prompt: COAX, the dominant partner gently moving the shy or overwhelmed submissive’s hands from covering their face so they can kiss them, breathing praises against their skin. afab!reader, p in v, sweetness

stay still, won't you baby? prompt: CONTROLLED, receiver stops stimulating sender and tells them the have to be still if they want to continue. subby!steve, gn and teasing reader, handjob

look at me prompt: GAZING, receiver taking sender’s jaw and saying “look at me” during sex or foreplay. fem!reader, p in v, lovey dovey :)

thick thighs (save lives) You're squirming and Steve can't figure out why - til he does. afab!reader, steve eats r out, fingering.

lakeside make-outs. Balmy makeouts in Steve's car. afab!reader, making out.

sweet revenge. / continuation from this thought Steve enacts his revenge. fem!reader, p in v, almost mean!steve, exhibitionism.

steve harrington loves all boobies. You think your boobs are too small. Steve does not. fem!reader, making out, sweetness.

welcome home traditions / based off this thought You and Steve have a habit of having some kind of sex up against the door when one of you has been away. This time is no exception. gn!reader, r gives steve a blowjob.

let me take care you. (popular!) You ask Steve if anyone's ever taken care of him before and when he says no, you show him what he's been missing. gn!reader, handjob, bitta thigh & tummy worship, almost sub!steve too.

2am (popular!) Early morning rides, with sticky kisses and even stickier thighs. afab!reader, riding, p in v, super-disgustingly in love smut.

kitchen counters (kisses and more). Prompt used: “I had a dream about you last night. Woke up hard. Wanna hear about it?” fem!reader, fucking against the counter, p in v

wet as a dream (popular!) Prompt used: "When I tell you to sit on my face, I want you to sit, is that clear?" fem!reader, facesitting, soft in love & obsessed wth each other smut.

king steve, brought to his knees. Steve asks you out thinking it'll be an easy fuck — not knowing you're not that type of girl. You're the type of girl who likes to hear her men whimper. fem!reader, exhibitionism, public sex, king!steve, p in v, r mocks/teases steve, sorta mean!reader.

if you're sure. You're a little worried about pushing Steve. He assures you that you aren't. no pronouns but r has breasts.

demonstrate. You ask Steve to show you just how he likes to be touched. gn!reader, r gives steve a handjob.

sweet talk. (popular!) / sour talk. / third part still coming! series. afab+fem!reader. You're interested in your boyfriend's history- well, more like what he used to do that made the stories about King Steve in bed spread like wildfire during school. You find out for yourself.

#jay.masterlist.fics #steve harrington x reader #steve x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader smut #steve harrington smut

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foreverrandomwritings · 1 year

Text

Desperation

Summary: Work has been stressful and that left you wrongfully getting snippy with your boyfriends. They make sure to get the attitude out of you. Things go a little unplanned at the end.

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x afab!Reader x Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Warnings: GUYS THIS IS PURE FILTHY SMUT PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION! MDNI 18+ ONLY! I’m not going to put every warning in here just know there’s a lot.

Word count: 5266

Masterlist

You could barely remember how you got to this point. A puddle of mixed cum, saliva, tears and sweat. You knew however this was exactly what you needed. You had been stressed to the max at work all week. Working longer hours had you rolling through the door to scarf down dinner and crawl into bed. Your boyfriends had been patient with you, taking your attitude with a grain of salt. They had been making your breakfast, lunch and dinners. They even waited up for you to get home so they could make sure you ate dinner and got into bed snuggly.

But tonight had been a tipping point for them. You were all supposed to go to The Hard Deck that night. Fanboy, Payback and Fritz had just gotten back from another successful mission and you were all meant to be celebrating. However you had started mouthing off to them over everything while you were getting ready. The stress of the week with no outlet for it had caused it to bottle up and the cap was slowly twisting off. The final straw was when Bradley had kindly reminded you that you needed to leave in fifteen minutes while you were in the middle of doing your hair.

It was rare for both boys to be done getting ready before you were. They both spent forever on their hair and Jake also took forever picking out what to wear. You were normally fine throwing on jeans and a t-shirt with your hair in its natural state or a ponytail. Today however you wanted to look more confident. So you had spent time picking your outfit, put some mascara on and actually decided to do your hair.

“Hey honey, just wanted to remind you that we have to be out the door by 5:45 if we want to get there by 6:00.” Bradley’s head popped around the doorframe as he spoke. You looked at him in the mirror with narrowed eyes. Fingers pausing their work on the braid you were twisting your hair into.

“I will be out soon. Stop rushing me.” You winced as soon as the words left your mouth. You turned to apologize to him but the disappointed look on his face had you stopping in place. He shook his head at you, clicking his tongue as he did.

“We’ve been extremely patient with you this week. We know how hard it is to have a crazy work schedule. But we won’t deal with the bratiness anymore.” His large body had come fully into the doorframe now, filling it up almost completely, his arms crossed along his chest.

“I really didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” you started to move closer to him, hands falling from your hair, the strands unraveling as you did.

“Not another word. I’m gonna call Jake in here and we’re gonna take care of that attitude of yours.” Your eyes widened at his words and you closed the gap between your bodies. Your hands came up to meet the rough skin of his arms, you placed them there gently looking into his eyes.

“You don’t need to do that. I promise to behave the rest of the night. You don’t need to call for him.” You pouted your lips at him, hoping the puppy dog look would win him over. He was the softer one of the two and would often break against you first. You really wanted to go out to the bar tonight. You knew you almost had him when his shoulders relaxed and he let out a slow breath through his nose.

“What are y’all doing in here? We gotta go, it's 5:47.” as Jake's voice filled your bedroom behind Bradley you knew you had lost. Bradley stepped back out of the bathroom causing both of your hands to drop from him. You twisted them both together sheepishly as Jake came to stand beside Bradley.

“Either of you going to answer me or do I have to try and figure it out on my own?” Bradley looked at you expectantly but you averted your eyes to the tile of your bathroom floor. Jake and you had put the black and white porcelain down together while Bradley was on a weekend trip with Maverick.

“You gonna tell him honey or do I need to?” Bradleys question had Jake stepping towards you. He put a thumb on your chin and his pointer finger underneath your chin. You tried to resist his hold as he brought your face upwards but the effort was fruitless. Your eyes met his blue ones and you started chewing on your bottom lip aggressively.

“What do you need to tell me darling?” The softness of his words were a trick and you knew it. He was always the harder one of the two and the second you told him what happened you’d be in for it.

“I’m sorry.” you said quietly, begging for forgiveness now in hopes they would take it easy on you later.

“What are you sorry for?” His thumb came to run against the softness of your bottom lip. Your eyes flicked to Bradley over his shoulder and he nodded his head at you encouragingly.

“I snapped at Bradley. But I didn’t mean to.” you watched as his tongue came out to lick across his lips and his hand dropped from your face.

“We took such great care of you this week and you’ve been bratty nonstop. We’ve taken it easy on you because we knew you were stressed. But you know what happens when you’re a brat.” you pouted your lips at him even though you knew it wouldn't help at all.

“We’re gonna fuck that attitude out of you so no need to worry.” Your stomach twisted into knots at his words. It had been a while since you had sex with either of the boys. The need had been there all week and now that the opportunity was presenting itself to you you were hesitant. They always made sure you were taken care of, but you knew you were in trouble this time. You sent a glare at Bradley for putting you in this situation and he gave you a wink in return.

“Don’t look at him like he’s the reason you’re in this situation.” his hand came into contact with your cheek in a mild slap, soft enough it didn’t hurt but hard enough to get your attention.

“You put yourself here baby and you know it. You’re a big girl and you need to start acting like it.” Bradley’s the one who talked this time, voice raspy with lust.

“Let’s take you to bed and we’ll get that stress out of you.” Jake didn’t give you a choice as he grabbed your hand and led you to the king size mattress, Bradley was quick to follow. A gasp left your lips as the blonde put his hands on your hips and tossed you unceremoniously onto the soft black and gray marble comforter. You bounced twice before finally stilling, hair laid out around your head messily. You had been thrown horizontally across the bed so your head was on one side and your feet on the other.

“You won’t need these.” Bradley started to work your pants off you, unbuttoning them and wanking them down your legs. Jake stood behind him shedding his clothes. His cock was already half hard when he pulled his boxers down his legs. He rounded the bed to stand by your head and looked down at you. His cock was in one of his hand’s, stroking himself up and down slowly. You wetted your lips in anticipation looking at him as best you could from your upside down position.

You felt Bradley’s large hands running up your legs and you looked down at him rising onto your elbows to do so. He looked down at your black lace underwear before looking back up at you. You started to protest what you knew he was about to do. You had lost way too many pairs of underwear due to the rough nature of the aviators. This time was going to be no different. Bradley gave you a sly smirk as he tore the material haphazardly. The sound of the material tearing had you throwing your head back against the bed exasperated.

“That was my favorite pair.” you whined out to the blonde, he rolled his eyes at your words.

“We’ll take you shopping for a new pair tomorrow.” Jake reassured you as you stared up at him. You frequented a little boutique up in town so much that Bradley’s card was on file and they knew you by name.

“Color?” Bradley asked as he pried your legs apart, the cold air of the room meeting your already wet cunt caused a cold chill to go through your body.

“Green.” you answered back quickly and assertively. That was all the taller man needed before he was licking, nipping and sucking the skin of your legs, his mustache tickling you the whole way. Your eyes screwed shut as he worked closer to where you needed him the most.

“Oh f-f-fuck daddy.” Slipped through your lips as Bradley’s tongue swept through your folds. Your hands fisted the comforter below you harshly, legs already shaking from the feeling of him between your legs.

“Scoot up a little bit.” Jake grunted out causing your eyes to snap open. You did as he instructed and shimmed up quickly, Bradley’s mouth chasing you as you did. One of his hands was wrapped around your thigh. You hung your head off the side of the bed opening your mouth expectantly. A moment passed without him moving and you whimpered out.

“Did you forget how to ask?” He seemed disappointed in you which had a lump forming in your throat.

“Can I please suck your cock sir?” You asked him politely, barely getting the words out as Bradley sucked your clit between his lips softly, your eyes falling shut at the feeling.

“Good girl.” Then his cock was in your mouth, the angle was awkward but you made it work. Tongue swirling around the tip, the taste of his precum taking over your mouth. He groaned when you hollowed your cheeks around him. You brought a hand up from the comforter to fondle his balls carefully.

“You’re doing so good.” you moaned around him at the praise. Legs squeezing around Bradleys head as one of his hands came up to your center. He slipped two long fingers inside you slowly, scissoring them gently. He moaned into you when your other hand came down to pull his hair harshly.

You could feel the familiar warmth building up as he continued his movements. Jake was working himself in and out of your mouth at a rougher pace than Bradley had set with his fingers. That was the usual dynamic Jake quick, rough and stern while Bradley was slow, gentle and playful. The only time Bradley was rough was after a bad day when he needed to let off some steam. Then the only time Jake was gentle was after rough missions, where he wasn’t sure he was going to make it back home to you.

“You’re getting sloppy, princess.” You hadn’t meant to lose some of your focus on him but the orgasm building up within you had your brain becoming hazy.

“You’re close aren’t you?” He asked you even though he already knew the answer. You moaned around him in reply.

“You can cum.” you furrowed your brows at his words. Normally when you were bratty they would deny your orgasm and not let you have any. But you didn’t stay on the thought for long as your toes curled and climaxed around Bradleys fingers and on his tongue. You gagged around Jake as he shoved his cock to the back of your throat roughly. Stilling his movements and swearing quietly at the feeling of your throat closing around him.

You had expected Bradley to stop once you had your orgasm but he only continued. Fingers continuing their scissoring motion and tongue continuing to lick your clit. You had tears in your eyes when Jake slipped from your mouth, hand falling away from his balls. Jake backed away as you blinked your eyes open. Your vision was a bit blurry with all the blood rushing to your head.

“What’s your color Princess?” Jake's voice was even and calm, you opened your mouth to answer when Bradley added a third finger sweeping them in a come hither motion. You let out a pathetic whine instead, knuckles turning white as you gripped his hair.

“Bradley, knock it off for a second.” Bradley hummed into your wet folds in reply, slowing his movements slightly.

“Green, my color is green.” you spat the words out, one of your hands coming up to your breast. You palmed it through the shirt and bra you had on roughly. You watched Jake walk to the bedside table that held most of your toys which was conveniently right next to him. He pulled the drawer open and grabbed out a little bag. He opened it quickly before retrieving a dark blue ring from it. He rolled it down the length of his cock settling it into place. He slipped out a dark red one and wrapped it around 2 of his fingers. That one would be given to Bradley when he was done between your legs.

“How many should we give her, Rooster.” You could feel the hand that was wrapped around your thigh move away momentarily but you didn’t have the sense to lift your head to look at the five fingers he held up.

“I think that’s doable. We’ve already got one done.” Jake climbed onto the foot of the bed next to you sitting on his legs, cock proudly on display. Your head was still dangling off the side of the bed and the blood rush was starting to make you loopy. Jake must have realized this with his instruction for Bradley to move you back down the bed. Bradley did so quickly, using the hand around your thigh to tug you down.

“Get off that.” Jake slapped your hand away from your breast at the words.

“Sir.” You pleaded with him, eyes zeroing in on his tanned body.

“Be patient.” He scolded you, you didn’t have to be patient too long as he pulled your shirt and bra off your upper body quickly. You placed your hand back into Bradley’s hair as he threw the clothes somewhere in the room. He brought a hand to your breast, rolling your already hard nipple between his rough fingers. You hissed when he pulled back and smacked it harshly.

“What was that for?” You asked him breathlessly, his answer was another harsh slap right at the same time that Bradley sucked your clit again. You hadn’t expected the orgasm that ripped through you as the pain and pleasure intertwined deliriously.

“Yellow.” you whispered out, your clit was over stimulated and needed a break. Bradley gave your clit one last little lick before he was reluctantly pulling away. His mustache, mouth and chin were all covered in your slick. It was at that moment you realized that neither of them had kissed you yet.

“You okay baby girl?” Bradley was stroking your thighs as Jake stroked your hair.

“Need a just a minute to recover.” Your chest was heaving as you came down from the high that just overtook your body. You closed your eyes for a few seconds trying to get your bearings. When you opened them again you saw Bradley and Jake with their lips locked together. Bradley was standing and had a hand on the back of Jake’s head and Jake was stroking himself again.

“Please” you begged them, the word coming out whiner than you intended it to. But it reflected the desperation you were feeling perfectly. You weren’t sure if you were desperate for one of them to kiss you or if you were already desperate for their touch again.

“What does the whiney little princess want now?” Jake teased you as he pulled away from Bradley, a string of saliva and cum connected them together briefly. You ignored his words and turned your attention to Bradley. He gave you a big smile and grabbed your hand when you reached it out to him.

“Can I have a kiss daddy?” you asked him, pouting your lips and fluttering your eyelashes seductively. He let out a loud laugh and placed one knee on the bed between your legs. He braced himself with his hands on either side of you as he came to hover above you. You used his clothes as an advantage, gripping the white tank top between your fingers and pulling him down to you. You could taste your cum, the spearmint of Jake from his toothpicks and the mustache oil that Bradley used within the kiss.

He started the kiss slowly, lips colliding softly but you wanted more. You nipped at his bottom lip and rolled your cunt up into his clothed thigh. He didn’t part his lips as you had hoped he would and you realized he was playing a little game. Trying to see how desperate you would get for him to give in. You threaded a hand through his hair and pulled on it roughly. He groaned into your mouth and you used that opportunity to slip your tongue into his. You grinned into the kiss victoriously. Jake cleared his throat loudly and you both pulled away from each other reluctantly.

“Thank you daddy.” You gave him a final peck on the lips before turning to look at Jake.

“Don’t you think daddy has far too many clothes on?” He seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding his head.

“Far too many clothes, princess.” You both turned your gaze to your shared boyfriend who was still hovering above you.

“Alright I got it, I’ll get undressed.” Bradley huffed out at you exasperatedly. He backed up and stood, quickly shedding off his clothes leaving you and Jake to stare at him eagerly.

“This is for you.” Jake took the red cock ring off his fingers and handed it to Bradley. He hissed lowly as he rolled it down his already throbbing cock, the tip leaking precum and bright red.

“Are you going to fuck me daddy?” you asked him innocently when he got the ring into place. He shook his head at you and Jake grinned.

“I wanna watch him fuck you into this matress baby girl. Then I’ll fuck you nice and slow, promise.” Jake beamed at him before climbing over your body to situate himself between your legs. You spread them open for him knowing he didn’t like to ask.

“Your pretty little cunt already looks so spent Princess. Daddy did a good job taking care of you.” Bradley gave out a thankful grunt at the praise, settling himself in the armchair of your room. You had the idea to put it there for nights like these. Where you weren’t intertwined with each other but one of you preferred to watch the others. It was the perfect view of the bed and fit Bradley’s large frame comfortably.

“You gonna take good care of me sir?” you already knew he would but Jake was a sucker for dirty talk.

“Always, princess.” His fingers came to sweep through your folds collecting the slick still there and rubbing it along his length. He laid a heavy hand on your inner thigh and dipped his head down slightly. You felt the warmth of his spit on your cunt before his fingers mixed it with your cum.

“Who made you this wet princess?” It was a rhetorical question and you all knew it but you answered anyway.

“You and daddy, sir.” You pulled your lip in between your teeth as he probed the tip of his cock at your entrance.

“Good girl.” He punctuated the sentence with a quick thrust, seething himself inside you. You were thankful that Bradley had worked you open so well with his fingers earlier. He wrapped a hand around your throat and your fingers flew up to dig into the flesh of his bicep.

“Green?” You nodded in reply, unable to form words with his hand around your throat and the feeling of him filling you up so nicely.

“What did we do to deserve such a beauty, Bradshaw?” You blushed at his words. No matter how many times he complimented you it still made you feel breathtaking.

“I don’t know but I know we ain’t ever gonna let her go.” an inaudible moan slipped from your mouth at his reply, the assurance of your future making your walls clamp around Jake.

“Did you like that Princess?” Jake hummed at you pulling out and slamming back in. You groaned out in reply, eyes glancing over towards your brunette boyfriend. But you couldn’t see him with the way Jake was wrapped around your throat.

“Want us to make you our wife one day?” He pulled back out and thrusted back in. Your grip on his bicep tightened, crescent shapes impeded in his skin from your finger nails. Eyes squeezing shut, willinging yourself to stay still, to let Jake take complete control.

“We’ll make you our wife, just got to be patient.” Then he was pulling back out and thrusting back in. His hips slamming in and out of you at a hurried pace, his hand squeezed around your neck lightly and the room was a mix of noises, whimpers, moans, groans, praises and slapping noises. The coil inside of you was so close to coming apart but you just needed more. You opened your eyes to see Jake already looking at you. He seemed to read your mind as the hand that wasn’t wrapped around your throat floated down between your bodies. His thumb circling your clit with the same pace as his thrusts.

“Come on princess. Cum on my cock.” Jake’s encouragement was all it took for the coil to snap. Your mouth fell open in a silent scream, legs spasming as he continued to fuck you through your climax. He let go of your throat and pulled out of you with a deep groan, rolling the cock ring off himself. He stroked himself once, then twice, then a third time before his cum shot out over your aching cunt. You stared up at the ceiling, ears buzzing. You hadn’t even noticed Jake crawl off the bed and Bradley take his place until you felt Bradley’s large hand brush some of your hair off your sweaty forehead.

“Where’d he go?” the words came out a scratchy slurred mess, it was a miracle that Bradley understood what you were saying.

“He went to get stuff ready for the aftercare baby girl.” You nodded at him weakly, arms coming up to wrap around his neck.

“Will you fill me up daddy?” the emptiness you felt had tears forming in your eyes.

“You sure? We can stop now.” You knew he meant it, but you also knew he hadn’t cum yet and you wanted to feel him cum inside of you.

“Still on green daddy and I want to feel you inside me. Please.” You begged him, voice tear filled at your desperation.

“Alright baby girl, I’ve got you.” He wiggled an arm under your back wrapping it around your waist. He moved himself so he was sitting with his back amongst the pillows and headboard of your large bed. You were placed on his lap carefully. He gave you a moment to take a deep breath before lifting your hips and lowering you onto his cock. He buried his head in your neck as your cum covered cunt squeezed around his cock.

“Feels so good daddy. I love when you and sir fill me with your cocks.” You weren’t sure how you formed the sentence but you were thankful that you did. Bradley sucked a mark into your neck before slowly moving your hips in a back and forth motion. Every brush of your clit along the well groomed skin of his pelvis had you sucking in a breath.

He pulled his head out from your neck and brought a hand up to your breast. He held it in his calloused hand, palming it gently. You groaned loudly, throwing your head back when his mouth came around your nipple. The wet feeling of his tongue flicking the bud had you squeezing your legs around his waist as best you could. You brought a hand to the back of his head holding it in place.

“Daddy.” you had tears streaming down your face as another climax approached you. Your stomach was tight and your chest was heaving. Your head was swimming in euphoria.

“It’s alright daddy’s got you. Go ahead.” He pulled away from your chest to get the sentence out before focusing on your other breast.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” The word tumbled out of your mouth like a prayer. You clenched around him harshly, his hands continued to pull you back and forth. He groaned and you felt his cum painting your walls. He must have taken his cock ring off at some point while Jake was buried inside of you earlier.

“You look so fucking gorgeous making a mess on me baby girl.” Bradley’s voice brought you back down to earth. You pulled his head back harshly, meeting his lips with your own. He matched your languid pace, dipping his tongue into your mouth, swallowing your quiet blissed out sobs.

“You get another one from her?” Jake spoke from beside the both of you. You pulled apart and reached for him, but stayed in your place on Bradley’s lap.

“Kiss please.” was all you said and he nodded at you understandingly. You always liked to kiss them after a long and intense session. It made you feel connected to the pair in ways they’d never fully grasp no matter how many times you tried to explain it to them. His lips met your own and he kissed you slowly tongue dipping out to run along your lips but never trying to slip any farther.

“She’s still got one more to go.” Bradleys large hands squeezed your waist and you pulled back from Jake.

“I’m gonna go ahead and jump into the shower, join me when you’re done.” You also liked to have one on one time with the both of them. Bradley slowly pulled you off him, your mixed cum dripped down your legs onto his lap as you went. You blubbered wantonly and tried to grip onto him.

“Take a deep breath. You’ll see me soon. You’re gonna spend some time with Jake babygirl.” Your brain finally caught up with what was happening and you reached for Jake weakly.

“There ya go princess I got you.” Jake’s voice was soothing as he whispered into your ear. He held you as Bradley climbed out of the bed. The tall man moved into the bathroom swiftly and you heard the shower turn on then Jake was laying you back on the bed. Your legs dangling loosely over the side of the bed. In the same position as when you first started.

“I’m gonna clean up our mess. Is that alright?” You couldn’t form any words so you reached for his hand and squeezed it.

“Are you green?” You squeezed his hand again and he gave you a wink before dropping to his knees. He threw your legs over his shoulders and blew a puff of cold air into your wet folds. You brought your hand to his head and pushed on it weakly. He huffed out a laugh before he dove between your legs. Where Bradley was soft and gentle Jake was frantic and rough. He lapped at you hungrily, tongue fucking you like you were his last meal. You screamed out as your fifth climax of the night ripped through you unexpectedly. Your vision went white and everything around you went silent.

When you came to you felt two pairs of hands on you and warm water running down your back. Your legs were wrapped around someone and their hands were holding you to them. Your arms thrown around their neck lazily. You dug your face into the neck of the person holding you and brushed against a set of scars and you knew it was Bradley. So that meant that Jake’s hands had to have been the ones rubbing up and down your arms soothingly.

“What happened?” your voice came out small barely above a whisper.

“We lost you there for a minute.” Bradley’s chest rumbled against your own as he spoke.

“Had us worried darlin’.” Jake's southern twang was thick as it usually was after sex.

“I’m alright. Just a little hungry.” your sentence was solidified with your stomach growling. Both of them chuckled at the noise. You kissed Bradley’s neck a couple of times before turning to Jake. He had a sad look in his eyes that slowly went away when you smiled at him.

“You didn’t know it was going to happen Jakey. I’m okay now. You took care of me and that’s all that matters. I love you.” He gave you a weak smile and stepped closer to you to give you a chaste kiss.

“I love you too.” He pecked your lips between each word.

“I love you too Brad.” His nose scrunched up at the nickname you had bestowed upon him.

“I also love you Brad.” His eyes narrowed at Jake which earned him a shit eating grin.

“I regretfully love you both for some unknown reason.” you and Jake both gasped at his words.

“Not to interrupt the sentiment but our doordash should be here soon. So we need to be done here soon.” Jake must have ordered the food while you and Bradley were together. The boys helped you wash your hair and your body. Bradley had already showered before you had gotten in there and Jake washed himself quickly before stepping out of the shower, he wrapped himself in his towel. Then Bradley stepped out and Jake wrapped you in a towel before taking you from his arms. Even though you insisted you could walk.

“I’m gonna go grab our clothes from the dryer and put the comforter in the washer.” It was a ritual for one of them to put the clothes in the dryer so you would all feel warm and cozy after sex. It proved to be one of your favorite aftercare activities. Jake set you down carefully before drying himself off and gathering up underwear for the three of you. Bradley slipped back into the room tossing Jake your clothes and grabbing your towels. He hung them back on the towel warmer Jake had insisted on purchasing.

You slipped on your underwear and the moomoo with Jake and Bradley’s face all over it that they had gifted you for your last birthday. Jake slipped on his boxers and sweatpants. Bradley came back and slipped on his boxers and crewneck before he swept you up throwing you over his shoulder. The doorbell rang as you entered the living room and Jake went and grabbed the food. You all sat on the couch eating your sushi and watching The Sorcerers Apprentice, all the stress from earlier gone from your mind.

A/N: I spent literally forever wrtiting this and didn’t go to bed until about 2:45 am. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments very much appreciated.

Tags(open): @wkndwlff @sylviebell @eternallyvenus @loving-and-dreaming @princess76179 @kmc1989 @qjdjjexnsk @gspenc

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romihearts · 9 months

Text

love & evil. ┊ all twst characters

synopsis. with every longing minute you feel more and more anxious. you know that it's him, but you can't do anything to stop it.

content. yandere twstt characters, stalking, very possesive and obsessive behavior, idk they're kinda mean to you, delusions, threats, gn reader

her notes. tried not to go too overboard

— they're the type to.. stalk you. following you everywhere you go, silently and unknowingly to you. and not only stopping there, he'd leave small hints that he was there. watching your every movement. well, could you blame him? you were so perfect, he wanted to know more, to see more of you. but with your busy schedule colliding, you don't have much time for him but he always wants to see you. so again, could you blame him?

could you blame him if you things suddenly went missing? your valuables, preferably. but best not to worry much, because he has it and he always will. it's bothered you that every item you've lost he always "finds" it somehow. you'd ask questions yet, you feel you're constricted and scared..? to ask.

maybe one question could lead to you falling deeper. maybe one question could set a chain of events making you feel more afraid. maybe, just maybe.

deuce spade, jack howl, ruggie bucchi, rook hunt, silver

— they're the type to.. be mean to you. it really is your fault. you are to be blamed for enticing him with your charms, you are to be blamed as to why his head keeps repeating the same thought, you. you are to be blamed to why he's felt foreign feelings now. to them, you've put a spell on them because why would they be in love? he absolutely despises the thought of even caring for you. leading to him spouting sharp words to you.

the way he scowled at you whenever he'd pass you by, the times he'd say how utterly incompetent you were, the times he'd make you trip and fall. these acts to make you go insane, as payback for what you've done to him, you have him absolutely deranged.

not to mention, he enjoys seeing your suffering.

riddle rosehearts, ace trappola, leona kingscholar, jamil viper, epel felmier, vil shoenheit, sebek zigvolt

— they're the type to.. obssess over you. to fawn over every small detail of you. in their eyes, you're a perfect being, a heavenly beauty and they believe its all for theirs to see. and this belief, they'll do anything to protect you and prevent anyone to "tarnish" you, even if that means violence.

to them, they're willing to protect the picture they have of you in their mind from anyone he deems unworthy of you, which is anyone but him. he's obsessed to the point he attempts to keep you away from others, having you only in their view.

the twisted and fabricated vision of you, only to theirs.

trey clover, jack howl, azul ashengrotto, jade leech, kalim al-asim, lilia vanrouge

— they're the type to.. be absolutely delusional. they wholeheartedly believe that you love him, and he loves you. despite reality being the opposite of his dreams. but that doesn't stop him, he gets possesive of you saying that only he should be with you. that only he's the one to stay close and protect you, because in his delusive mind, you offer the entirety of you to him.

he's crazed. he desperately wants you to say those three magical words: "i love you". but your true feelings say no and he won't accept that. desperate and delusional to the point he's willing to threaten you to love him back.

cater diamond, floyd leech, idia shroud, malleus draconia

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raya-hunter01 · 11 months

Text

Will You Be My Lady?

One Shot!

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Candice)

Roman x Black Female OC!

Jimmy x Trin

Rating: 18+

Warning: oral, fluff

Summary: Candice suffers from a painful past with the Tribal Chief Roman reigns. In the aftermath, Main Event Jey Uso is begging for a chance to show her all love and affection. Will Candice go back to her ex or will she allow Jey to show her love?

WWE Payback PPV

PPG Paints Arena Pittsburgh, Pa

Candice's POV

WWE shows always move fast and house shows are no different even though we aren’t doing many at the moment, we just never picked our schedules back up after COVID. Walking, I stumbled as I felt familiar arms reach out to grab me around the waist. “Damn, you tryin' to knock my ass over. Where’s the fire Candice?” a deep voice said full of humor.

Blushing I slightly ran my hands up his arms. Yep, I knew those tattoos and smell anywhere. I couldn’t help but smile up at none other than Main Event Jey Uso. “You know I can be clumsy when I’m in a hurry. “Thanks, for catching me,” I whispered as he smiled kissing my forehead.

“Anytime beautiful, you know I always got you,” he said as I blushed looking at him. Candice hold it together, focus. What is wrong with you? . All he’s doing is looking at you and you’re ready to give him anything he asks for.

“Not that I’m complaining but why are you here? I thought you had a couple more weeks off,” I said as he smirked at me.

“Well, if you would have answered my calls, I could have told you they traded me to Raw. Cody is gon’ announce it tonight,” he said hugging me as I sighed in his arms as I felt his hands caressing my back holding me closer.

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy Jey, plus you needed to enjoy your time off,” I said as his lips grazed the column of my neck as I shivered against him.

“I wanted to hear your voice and know you were good,” he whispered as I nodded.

“Hey, congrats you deserve this. I think you will love it on the raw brand,” I said as his fingertips grazed my back gently as tried to maintain my composure and change the subject.

This man just makes me feel so good and make me feel so safe. Something that feels this good can’t be bad……Can it? “I know I will because you here wit me, but you still ain’t gave me a real good reason as to why you didn’t at least call back. I mean a five-minute conversation wasn’t gon’ spoil my time off,”” he said as I sighed trying to find an excuse.

As I began pulling away his intense passionate stare made me pause.

“I’ll tell you what I think… I think you like me, but I freaked you out when I asked you to be my lady,” Jey said towering over me as I took a deep breath.

“We’re at work, do we have to talk about this here,” I said trying to keep my voice down as he looked around before pulling me into an empty dressing room. “What are you doing?” I started but was cut off by a demanding kiss from him as I felt my knees buckle as he pulled me close.

“Jey, we can’t,” I whispered as he moved his kisses to my neck. “What you afraid of baby,” he moaned against my neck as I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer.

“I would never hurt you; I just want to make you mine,” he said softly ravishing my neck with kisses. “I know you do,” I moaned entangling me fingers in his hair as he as masterful mouth was nibbling and sucking on my neck as his hands caressed my hips.

“I want you to see I ain’t like him, I would never hurt you,” he whispered as I melted into his arms as he gently lifted me off the floor wrapping my legs around his waist as he began thrusting against my wet covered center. “Jey! We can’t,” I whined pulling him closer, my body betraying my mind.

“You feel so good baby,” he moaned as I gasped feeling his need for me as he slowly thrusted up against me. “Mmm, Jey,” I moaned getting lost in just being this close to him. “Yea, its me baby, you feel that, I want you to feel what only you do to me,” he confessed never stopping his devious torture, as he placed me against the wall with a primal growl.

“Jey, we’re not ready for this, we gotta stop,” I moaned, gasping as his hands began to travel under my dress gently moving my panties to the side.

Jey’s POV

“Jey, what are you doing? Candice gasped gripping my arm as I began rubbing her clit gently with my thumb. Her moans almost making me lose focus on the task at hand, to make her cum hard as fuck.

“I just want to please you, Relax and enjoy this,” I whispered taking her in a loving kiss as I entered her tight wet pussy with two of my fingers, my thumb still torturously rubbing her clit as she’s now moving with my fingers.

“Yeah, that’s it. Ride my fingers baby and get yo nut. I know it’s been a long time, I'mma take care of you,” I promised as I felt her pussy tighten around my fingers. “Mmm, you promise,” Candice moaned as I groaned feeling her pussy clench tighter around my fingers.

“Yea, I'mma always take care of you, baby. Damn you so wet, and tight, if you like this from just my fingers that pussy gon’ gush a river when I finally give you all this dick,” I moaned talkin’ my shit as Candice’s body writhed with need in my arms.

“Mmmhm, I can’t wait either. Fuck! Your fingers feels so good Jey,” Candice moaned, her nails digging deep into my back as she chased her orgasm against my fingers moaning in ecstasy.

“I’m gon’ make you mine real soon, I ain’t giving up on us. You hear me Candice, you gon’ be mine,” I whispered as we shared a kiss of desperation. She was close and it wasn’t gon’ take much to send her over the edge.

“Jey, what are you doin’ to me? I don’t do stuff like this,” Candice gasped against my mouth as I smirked speeding up my movements. “I’m showing you, how it feels to be loved by me,” I said honestly claiming her mouth in another passionate kiss, silencing her moans as our tongues battled for control.

“Fuck! I’m so close. I need it so bad,” Candice moaned as it was taking everything in me to not fuck her right now up against this wall. My fingers working her over as I heard and felt how wet she was I growled with anticipation and need.

I had to taste her; I admit it was bold as fuck making my move at work, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted her so fuckin’ bad.

Candice’s POV

“Yess! Right there, fuck I’m about to cum,” I moaned closing my eyes as suddenly Jey removed his fingers causing me to whimper at the sudden loss.

Opening my eyes in shock, ready to give a snarky remark, I was rendered speechless as I saw him slowly sinking to his knees, slowly pushing my dress up, admiring my body.

My breath caught in my throat as he put one of my legs over his shoulder, looking up at me with a sly smirk before licking his lips.

“Don’t you dare, we can’t,” I whispered biting back a moan as he kissed my inner thigh as I tried to pull away. “Oh yes we can, and we will,” his deep voice making me weak as fuck as I felt powerless under his spell as he prevented me from moving.

All of a sudden, a strong knock on the door startled us as Jey put a finger to his lips telling me to be quiet as he continued rubbing my thigh.

“Damn I can’t wait to have these sexy ass thighs wrapped around me,” he softly muttered trying to catch his breath hoping whoever it was would go away. Trying to catch my own breath I heard a familiar voice.

“Uce, you in there, you up next. You got bout 10 minutes before Cody introduces you,” Jimmy said now frantically knocking on the door as Jey’s smirk never left his face as he caressed my leg. His gaze had me under his spell waiting in desperation.

“Yea, I’m in here. I’ll meet you in Gorilla. Give me five minutes. I promise that’s all I need,” he said licking his lips, his eyes never leaving mine.

His words had a double meaning and it made me wetter than before as he attacked my clit with his tongue as a deep moan escaped my lips.

“Fuck! I exclaimed moving my trembling hands to the back of his head as Jey yanked me closer to his mouth. “Yes, make me cum, shit!” I moaned as he continued to devour my pussy with his mouth as I ran my fingers through his hair, biting my lip trying not to make much noise.

“Damn! He in there puttin’ it down,” I heard Jimmy whisper as my body began to tremble with need. “Get outta folks’ business and leave them alone,” I heard Trin whisper as I felt my body losing control.

My best friend and her husband are listening to me receive the best head of my life and I couldn't care less.

“A’ight we headin’ to Gorilla to watch, so hurry up! Aye, Candice I know that’s you in there, take it easy on him. You know he got work to do tonight,” Jimmy said laughing as Jey chuckled his mouth vibrating on my pussy sending shockwaves through me.

The sight of Jey on his knees giving his all to please me made me wetter as I began moving my hips against his tongue fast and hard talkin’ my own shit.

“You been dreaming about tastin’ me, haven’t you?” I moaned as Jey groaned in agreement.

“Mmhmm, you know I have, and I want you to give it all to me now. Gon’ cum for me beautiful,” Jey encouraged as his grip on my hips tightened.

“Jey! I’m cummin’!” I exclaimed exploding in Jey’s welcoming mouth as his moans sent shivers down my spine.

“Mmhm, Yea, give it all to me Candice. Fuck you taste so fuckin’ good,” Jey praised lapping up my juices as I tried to come down from my high. Shit, I had never had an organism that intense before.

“You are crazy, just plain insane,” I whispered looking down at him blushing as he licked his lips before wiping the reminisce of me off his beard.

“I’m crazy bout yo ass, I done told you that a thousand times. Do you believe me now?” he asked smiling at me. God that smile will be my undoing.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, ” I whispered as he took my leg off his shoulder, gently fixing my dress, smiling slyly at me. “Shit, I ain’t it got us here. I have to say I really enjoyed pleasing you baby,” he said standing up, taking me in a gentle kiss as my arms snaked around his neck pulling him close as I tasted myself on his tongue.

“Mmm, you are trouble, Mr. Fatu,” I moaned as he smirked against my lips. “Nah, you trouble, got me addicted to you, and I ain’t even made you mine yet,” he whispered as I moaned at the thought.

Yea, he was trouble, I was falling fast as hell for him. I closed my eyes as I felt him running his fingers through my hair. "Whoo, I gotta calm down, you make me can’t think straight woman,” he chuckled readjusted himself in his pants as I blushed.

We could faintly hear Cody’s entrance music begin to play. “You better go,” I finally whispered looking down as he rubbed my arms, reluctantly pulling away but not before tenderly giving me a kiss on top of my head.

“Look at me Candice, don’t hold your head down,” Jey said gently caressing my face making me look at him. “A woman as beautiful as you should never hold her head down,” Jey said as I gave him a small smile.

“We gon’ continue this later,” he said as our lips met in a chaste kiss before he slipped out the door leaving me wanting more of him.

He just wouldn’t let up, I liked him, but I was just scared to take the leap. I waited a few minutes before making my way back to my station.

I worked for the WWE doing backstage photoshoots, and promotional pictures for the company. I enjoyed my job but at times it can get very overwhelming for me especially under the lurking eyes of my ex.

“Where were you last night, I came by to see you and you weren’t in your room,” a deep possessive voice said as my blood ran cold. Yea, I recognized it, and it made my skin crawl at how I was letting him dictate my life.

“I was out Roman, and why would I want to see you?” I questioned with a bit of an attitude. “Don’t do that, you know I’m Joe to you. I always have been and always will be aulelei,” he said invading my space as I cringed at his use of his pet name for me in Samoan.

“I’m Surprised to see you down here, your girlfriend must have let you off your leash,” I said moving away from him as he smiled looking at me moving around getting ready for my upcoming photoshoot.

“Look I know I fucked up but come on admit it you miss me,” Joe said licking his lips seductively as I avoided his steamy gaze. “Just leave me alone ok, I don’t have time for this,” I said as he invaded my space again.

“Look, you might as well stop with the games Candice because you’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours. I love you, just give me another chance to make it right,” he begged gently caressing my face as I tried to keep my emotions in check. I wanted to really slap his ass, but I was trying to remain professional.

“The problem is you want to love on me in private but want a different bitch on your arm in public for your image. That’s not love Joe, you embarrassed to be seen with me,” I said stepping away from him, looking around trying to make sure nobody was listening to our conversation or got the wrong idea about it.

“Look I fucked up, I was immature then, and what people thought overruled everything and I’m sorry,” he said not realizing I had checked out of this conversation.

I mean yeah, I wasn’t a size four, but I carried my weight well and in all the right places. Jey didn’t seem to mind, hell Joe, himself would get jealous when men would flirt with me.

My thoughts were becoming clearer as each second passed as to why Joe was still pursuing me.

“I’m so damn stupid, I get it now, “I said shaking my head as everything was starting to make sense. “What are you talking about Candice?” Joe asked as I pointed at him in disbelief.

“You keep coming around, cause your lil girlfriend ain’t makin’ the cut,” I said as Joe made no effort to deny what I had said. “Look, I just want us back, is that so bad. Don’t you remember? We were going to start a family,” Joe said pulling me close as I pried his arms from around my waist as he groaned in frustration.

“Well, I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you envisioned them Joe, and I wish all the success in the world. But as far as you and me, it’s over,” I said honestly moving away from him.

For the first time, I said it to him without crying or yelling, and I knew it was truly over and I was at peace with it.

“So, you just gon’ throw away five years,” Joe said as I shook my head at him in disbelief. “I didn’t throw it away…. You did when you cheated, now live with it,” I said leaving him frazzled as I walked away.

Not so much fun when the rabbit has the gun is it Mr. Anoa’i?

Jey’s POV

Coming backstage after my segment I seen Joe approaching Candice. I watched the scene unfold in front of me in shock. She held her own; I just didn’t want her stirring up memories in him that would cause him to keep pursuing her.

What the fuck am I talking about? He’s been pursuing her this whole past year trying to worm his way back into her life. I just wish he would leave her alone and let her go.

I love my cousin, that’s family and all but the way he always disrespected Candice and took her for granted still rubs me the wrong way to this day. I saw Joe spot me out of the corner of his eye as he smiled at me.

“Hey Uce, you killin’ it out there, I know you gon’ shine bright on the Raw brand,” he said smiling at me. “Thanks, Uce, it means a lot. What brings you out tonight, I know you ain’t got a match,” I said trying to keep it cool and play a little dumb.

“I flew in to try to talk to Candice. She still trying to play hard to get like she doesn’t miss me,” Joe said as I frowned. “Uce, it’s been a year, maybe she’s moving on,” I said as Joe Scoffed at me.

“Wit who? Ain’t nobody gon’ approach her because they know they gotta deal wit me,” Joe asked as I rubbed my face in frustration as he seemed to catch on. “Oh, so you still got yo lil crush on her?” Joe asked smirking at me.

“Look, why can’t you leave her alone Uce, you already hurt her. I still don’t know how you even cheated on her, to begin with,” I said before I could stop myself. “So lil cuz, you really think you can take my spot? Joe asked as I sighed.

“Look ain’t nobody trying to take nobody spot. She ain’t a piece of property, and what we do ain’t none of your business either,” I said looking at him with no fear.

“Candice ain’t gon’ never give you a shot. I mean you can try but get ready to be disappointed, because she’ll always be mine, and I can have her anytime I want,” Joe said patting me on the shoulder before walking away.

Could that be true, I mean after what he did to her, I don’t think she would take him back, I hope not.

------

1 year ago

Pensacola, FL

Joe’s House

“Babe, can you run and get the guys and I some more beer,” Joe said kissing Candice’s neck as she blushed. Man, that blush could make any man weak as fuck. “Sure, I guess I can,” she smiled standing up as he smacked her on the ass.

“Hey, watch yourself now,” she said rolling her eyes at him. I can’t say I blame him, it’s a beautiful ass and don’t get me started on her beautiful hourglass figure.

We heard the house phone ring again and it was really weird as the phone had been ringing practically all day since we got here at Joe’s.

“Now I’m sick of this phone tag,” Candice said irritated, leaning over Joe to answer the phone.

“Hello……Hello, I really wish you would say something besides heavy breathing like a dragon and calling back to back like you’re stupid,” she said hanging up the phone as I saw Joe looking nervous.

I know that ain’t no woman calling this house, he wouldn’t be that bold. I mean it's Candice; this woman is amazing, and any man would give a limb to even be in her presence and see her smile at them.

“Babe it’s ok, Jey can you go with her to the store?” Joe asked nervously. He was trying to really push her out of the house quickly. This fucker is cheating, I know it.

“Uh, sure let’s go, Candice,” I said standing up, fixing my shirt. I mean at least it’s a chance for me to get to spend some alone time with her.

“Thanks, Jey, I could really use the company. let me get my coat,” she said walking into the kitchen away from us.

“Uce, I know that wasn’t a girl calling here, are you cheating on Candice?” I hissed as he shushed me. “Look, ya’ll know I love her, but she’s not exactly the type of woman I need on my arm right now,” he hissed.

“What the fuck you mean by that shit Uce,” Jimmy says looking at Joe sideways.

“This Tribal Chief & bloodline angle is more over than we all ever dreamed it could be. I got more press, red carpets, and TV shows to do. I need a baddie on my arm,” he said as Jimmy, and I looked at each other in disbelief.

“What the hell you talkin’ bout that girl is gorgeous,” Jimmy said shaking his head at our cousin and his shallow thinking. “Now don’t get me wrong she’s amazing and beautiful as fuck but I got to look and play a certain part with the right girl, “he said as I couldn’t stop the growl rising in my throat.

“You so fuckin shallow, that girl loves your ass. It ain’t nothing wrong wit her, it’s yo ass that’s the problem,” I said angry at him and myself.

I had seen her first and wanted to ask her out, but Joe had given me this sob story of how he really liked her and could see a future with her. I hated myself, I would have never treated her this way.

“That’s foul as fuck Uce, I can’t believe you switchin’ up on Candice. You gon’ regret that shit when somebody else slides in and steals her away,” Jimmy said as the phone rang twice and stopped.

“Candice ain’t going nowhere. Look, just get her out of here Jey,” Joe whispered as he looked at the phone. I rolled my eyes heading into the kitchen.

“Hey, you ready to go Candice?” I asked putting on a fake smile as she put a finger to her lips shushing me. Fuck, did she hear us? She went over to the door, opening and closing it to make it look like we had left.

We stood there in silence for a few minutes and like clockwork, the phone rang again. “Let’s just go Candice,” I said as she picked up the cordless phone, put it on speaker, and put her hand on the receiver.

“I ain’t crazy Jey, something is up, and I want to know what it is,” she said, trying to remain strong as her strained voice gave away her worry.

“Why did you keep calling baby? I was going to call you back. I needed to get rid of her first,” Joe said calmly into the phone. “I wanted to hear your voice lover,” the female purred as I could see the hurt look on Candice’s face.

“I sent you a ticket to come see me, I’m off the next few days,” he said with excitement in his voice.

“What about your girlfriend?” she asked laughing as I rolled my eyes. “I’m gon’ fuck her real good and start an argument in the morning. I know she will blast my ass out and go over to one of my cousins houses to cool off for a few days,” he said without remorse.

“You are so bad,” the female laughed as Joe continued talking. “I’ll hit her up and makeup when we get back on the road. I just want you both, you understand that right baby?” Joe said, seeming to think he had it all under control.

“I understand baby, I don’t mind sharing. I know you love us both,” she said softly. “Yeah, I really do love you both, I’m thinking about telling Candice that WWE hired you to walk the red carpets with me, so she won’t catch on. I gotta play it smart, I don’t want to lose her either,” Joe said as Candice, hearing enough hung up the phone in disbelief.

“Are you okay Candice?” I asked, almost scared of the answer. "Loves us both...Loves us both.... Am I being punked right now, 'cause there ain't no way he'd do this,” Candice whispered in disbelief as I saw a few tears escape her eyes. Damn him for doing this…

“Candice let’s just go, it ain’t worth it,” I said starting to walk over to her as she sidestepped me, going under the sink and grabbing a bucket.

“I knew this shit, was too good to be true. All ya’ll damn men are the same, play with us women like toys, and always think you can have your cake and eat it too,” She muttered turning on the hot water and filling up the bucket as the steam from the water had me worried. What was she going to do?

“Every man ain’t like that, Candice, just because he fucked up don’t mean we all like that,” I said trying to comfort her, as I saw the fresh tears streaming down her beautiful face.

“Well Jey, when you find one that isn’t like that, send him my way. Until then I’m done with men, especially whorish wrestlers. Fuck me for not following my first mind,” Candice whispered trying to regain control of the situation and her emotions as she wiped her tears.

“Just leave with me Candice, we can go somewhere and talk,” I said trying to convince her as she began stalking into the living room. “Jey, I love you for trying to smooth shit over, but now isn't the time,” she said as I followed her closely.

Jimmy was gone but Joe sprawled out on the couch like he was the king of the world talking to his other girlfriend on the phone. Yeah, this was going to be bad. “Hey baby, did you forget something? Joe asked not catching on to the look on Candice’s face.

“You really think I’m stupid, don’t you? Your new lil bitch has been calling here all day like some cat in heat. Dropping signals for you to call her back. You are a grimy, slimy piece of shit!” Candice exclaimed, walking closer to Joe as closed his eyes knowing he had been caught.

“Fuck, it ain’t what it looks like, I can explain babe,” he groaned as I stood closer to Candice prepared to jump in if needed.

“What is it to explain? I heard her, I heard you…..I heard every fucking word, Joe,” Candice whimpered shaking in hurt and anger.

“Let me call you back,” Joe said hanging up the phone quickly as Candice laughed in disbelief. “What you hangin’ up now for! Don’t bother on my account,” Candice said throwing the bucket of hot water all over Joe as he jumped up as if a snake had bit him.

“Fuck! What the hell you do that for!?” he yelled as I tried to stifle my laughter. Joe looked like a shocked, drowned rat, his hair and clothes drenched.

“You know why, don’t play wit me! You lucky that’s all you got!” Candice yelled as Joe tried to move towards her.

“Look, just let me explain. Let’s go upstairs and talk, just us,” Joe said trying to take control of the situation.

“No, I ain’t going nowhere wit you! You know what, just stay the fuck away from me,” Candice said calmly wiping her tears, before walking out of the living room.

“So, you just gon’ leave and not talk to me,” Joe said in disbelief, but a smile tugged at his lips when Candice stopped walking.

It was short-lived though as he realized she had only stopped to grab her duffle bag before walking out the front door to Joe’s dismay.

“Candice wait! I can explain!” Joe yelled, running after her as Jimmy finally came out of the bathroom. “What the hell goin’ on? I thought ya’ll left?” Jimmy asked as I pointed towards the front yard.

“Candice is trying to leave, and Uce don’t want to let her go,” I said trying to stay neutral. I wanted to go out front and be nosey, but I knew it wasn’t my business.

“Man, she ain’t hear his ass on the phone, did she?” he asked, running towards the door, hearing the commotion. “Yeah, she did. Now get out they business. They got to handle it on their own Uce!” I yelled at his retreating form.

“Aye! Uce! Let her go!” Jimmy shouted as I ran to catch up with him. I know he ain’t stupid enough to put his hands on her, I’ll kill him.

“Look you can’t just leave like this,” Joe pleaded as Candice was trying to get in her car. “Joe, it’s over, I ain’t stupid and I damn sure ain’t no needy groupie begging for your attention. I don’t give a shit who you are, I don’t share dick sweetheart,” she said trying to move around him as he continued to block her path.

“Uce! Let her go!” I shouted, moving between them as she went around trying to open her car door. “Fine, leave then I was bout through wit yo fat ass anyway,” Joe said as Candice got in her car, rolling down the window.

“You ain’t gotta worry about this fat ass no more baby! Keep that same energy when I’m with someone else because best believe I will be. “Yo ass just mad you caught up in your bullshit!” Candice yelled as I saw Joe’s face contorting in anger.

“Yo, ass ain’t goin’ wit nobody else, stop playin’ wit me Candice. You mad now, but we gon’ work this out after you calm down,” Joe said as Candice laughed in his face, but I could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Joe, all I gotta do is make a call and I’ll have a new dick to bounce on before you can even blink, think it’s a game,” Candice said unfeeling, beginning to back out of the driveway as Joe growled in anger.

“Look, I shouldn’t have said that shit, I was upset. I know I hurt you, but I don’t want to lose you. Can we please at least go back inside and talk away from all these folks looking at us,” he begged, walking beside her car as she continued backing out of the driveway.

His words made me look around as I did see a few of his neighbors watching the exchange between the couple.

“No, we can’t and won’t because it’s over Joe,” Candice said stopping the car, calmly taking off her engagement ring Joe had given her.

“Put the ring back on Candice, this ain’t over. Just put It back on baby,” Joe said softly his demeanor totally changing from anger to worry.

“Just take it, maybe your new lady will like it,” Candice whispered trying to hide her tears as Joe looked at her in horror.

“It’s your engagement ring, put it back on. I had it made for you, just put your ring back on beautiful, please,” Joe pleaded as Candice gently released the ring causing it to fall at Joe’s feet. “I don’t need it, cause I’m not engaged anymore,” Candice said before speeding off out of the subdivision.

“Candice come back so we can talk! FUCK!” Joe yelled, picking up the ring.

He was so outdone; Candice had knocked his ego down a peg or two. On one hand, I was upset she got hurt but on the other hand, I was happy that for at least now Joe was out of the picture.

“What the hell ya’ll lookin' at, you ain’t never seen a couple having a disagreement?!” Joe yelled at his nosey neighbors as some began to walk back into their houses, while others just stood and watched.

“Man, fuck all ya’ll,” Joe muttered stalking back into his house.

--------------

Jey’s POV

“Everything good Uce,” Jimmy asked snapping me outta my thoughts. “Yea, I’m good let’s go,” I said trying to play off the fact I’m pissed Joe won’t leave Candice alone.

“Trin and Candice went back to the hotel to get dressed,” Jimmy said as that seemed to pep me up a little. I think at this point we all could use a night out.

“I need a drink, after tonight,” I said honestly as Jimmy laughed. “I bet yo ass do, I heard ya’ll in that closet,” he said smiling as I shook my head at him trying to hide my smile.

“It wasn’t a closet, it was an empty dressing room, thank you. Plus, we didn’t have sex. I just gave her some head; I mean she looked so good I couldn’t help myself” I confessed as he shook his head.

“Yo you wildin’! Givin’ head at work! Candice got yo ass straight gone, Uce,” Jimmy said as I punched him in the shoulder. “Damn, don’t tell everybody,” I said as Jimmy looked at me snickering.

“Well yo secret is safe wit me lil brother,” he said patting me on the shoulder as we went to get our bags to head to the hotel. Yea, I definitely needed a drink or two.

------------------------

Hilton Hotel

Atlanta, GA

Candice POV

I can’t believe this motherfucka thinks he can have me, and this woman. Who the fuck he thinks he is?” I muttered putting the finishing touches on my makeup.

I honestly needed the break, and I may even sing a song or two. Then my thoughts went to Jey, as I smiled thinking about what had transpired earlier.

He really surprised me tonight, that man is intense, and that mouth is a dangerous weapon if I may say so.

I really do like him and would love to be in a relationship with him, but I’m just really scared to put myself out there again.

A heavy knock at my door snapped me out of my thoughts as went to open the door. “Girl, I been out here knocking for five minutes,” Jey said coming inside.

“I’m sorry, I was in the bathroom getting ready,” I said smiling at him as his eyes traveled my body. “Damn! I'mma have to fight the guys off yo ass tonight,’ he said gently caressing my hips pulling me close as I melted against him.

“You ain’t gotta worry,” I said shyly rubbing his beard as he groaned.

“You look really beautiful,” he whispered as I wrapped my arms around him as we held each other in comfortable silence.

As I was just about to suggest we stay in and cuddle, my phone text alert went off.

Jey’s POV

I knew that text tone anywhere it was Joe’s. Taking a deep breath, I let her go as she went and put her phone in her purse ignoring it, shuffling around the room making sure she had everything.

Joe must of had something important to say because her alerts kept going off. “Ugh, I’m sorry, let me cut my alerts off,” Candice said getting her phone back out of her purse.

“I know it’s him, you can answer it,” I said trying to be a bigger man, but I knew it came off as a little insecure. “I wasn’t trying to hide it, I don’t feel like talking to him and he knows that,” Candice said putting her phone back in her purse before turning off the lights as we exited her room.

I guess she could see the frustration on my face as she sighed, taking my hand in hers. “You want to talk about it?” she asked as I tried to choose my words wisely.

“Look, I like you, but every time I think we are getting somewhere you shut me off. Then it don’t help that Joe’s always fuckin’ lurking,” I said as she frowned at me.

“Jey, I told you I just have a lot going on,” Candice started as I cut her off. “Is it something wrong wit me as to why you can’t even let me love you? I mean do you even like me?” I asked pushing the subject.

“Jey, you know I like you.. It’s not you, it’s me. So much shit has gone down over the past year, I needed some time. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you,” Candice said as we got on the elevator.

I felt my anger boiling at the thought of her going back to Joe.

“Are you going to take him back? I mean I saw ya’ll earlier, I ain’t trying to get hurt either,” I said getting my worries off my chest.

“What are you talking about?” she asked offended as I continued to put my foot in my mouth.

“Just tell me now, so I ain’t wasting my time,” I said looking at her as she seemed hurt by my words. “You don’t understand, and you ain’t listening to nothing I’m tryin’ to tell you,” Candice says frustrated as I grabbed her hand.

“Look, let’s just enjoy the night ok,” I said trying to salvage the night with her.

“Yea, sure,” she whispered looking everywhere but at me. Great job Jey, you just keep puttin’ ya damn foot in yo mouth. Sighing, I gently took her hand in mine and kissed it.

“I’m sorry I jumped the gun, I know ya’ll are over. It just bothers me he won’t leave you alone,” I said honestly as she looked at me with sad eyes. “It’s ok, let’s just not let him spoil our night ok,” she said shooting me a small smile.

-------------

Karaoke Bar

Atlanta, GA

Candice POV

“Girl, I could have slapped the shit out of him,” I said talking over the music to Trin about my run-in with Joe earlier. I spotted Jey and Jimmy at the bar getting our drinks as Jey waved at me. I smiled at him waving back as he winked at me.

“I think you like Josh, but you scared he may be like Joe. But he isn’t like Joe,” Trin said as I contemplated her words. “I do like him, I really do,” I said honestly, looking at him laughing at something Jimmy had said as Trin grabbed my hand.

“Sis, I know you have been hurt, but Josh wouldn’t hurt you. Give him a chance to love you,” Trin said as I smiled weakly at her as she pouted.

I looked up and Jey’s eyes were focused on me as if I would disappear. “Hey, I see a keyboard, and I got an idea,” Trin said as I sighed knowing she was up to something.

“Sing and tell Jey how you feel,” she said smiling. “Girl you crazy! I don’t know about all that,” I said blushing as she grabbed my hand and walked me over to the stage.

“Hey, after this song, could my friend sing a song. She’s going to play the keyboard instead of using the karaoke machine,” Trin said as I looked at her like she was crazy. “Hell yeah, we love it when musicians come by and showcase their talents,” the host said smiling at us.

“Trin I can’t do this, I ain’t played the keyboard in years,” I pleaded as she gave me a look that let me know there was no way out of it.

“It’s time you let him know how you feel. Pick a song that explains what you’re going through, and go from there,” she said hugging me as I took a deep breath trying to build up my courage.

“I’ll get them to pull down the house lights some so it will dim the room. I know how you hate people’s eyes on you,” she said as I smiled. “Fine, I’ll try,” I whispered as she went to talk to someone about the lights.

I went over to the keyboard gently running my fingers over the keys smiling. Music was my passion, but I never had the courage to take the leap.

“Just let the keys guide you, you can do this,” I whispered to myself as I saw the host come back on stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we got another volunteer tonight ya’ll. This beautiful young lady is going to play a little keyboard and give us a song. So, let’s show her some love, take it away Candice,” he said smiling brightly at me raising his glass in my direction as I returned his kind gesture with a smile of my own.

Jey’s POV

“Candice…My Candice, did I hear him right?” I asked Trin as she smiled pointing at Candice on stage as I felt my heart skip a beat.

“I…. I really don’t sing in public a lot, but sometimes it’s good to let the music speak for you when the world around you is in chaos and you just can’t find the right words to say,” she said smiling at me as I smiled back at her.

“Have any of you ever been in love, but you were scared to put yourself back out there because you’ve been hurt?” she said into the microphone lightly playing on the keyboard, looking around at the crown nervously.

The crowd murmured in agreement as she smiled, continuing to glide her fingers across the keys. “Glad I’m not only one, but this song is for him,” she whispered into the microphone as I felt Trin touch my knee.

I looked over at my sister-in law as she smiled warmly at me, no words were exchanged between us, but I knew she was making sure I understood Candice was talking about me and nobody else.

I saw the lights dim as a spotlight shone brightly on her enhancing her beauty more as she finally began singing.

I Know That You've Been Calling Me,

And I'm happy that we met.

Don't think that I'm not interested.

Or just playing hard to get

Her gaze focused on me as I felt my heart skipping a beat as she continued to sing to me.

So much about this crazy game they call love

That I'm trying to understand,

So could you be my best friend,

Before you call yourself my man

Her voice angelic flowing through the club as she closes her eyes, truly lost in the moment but I’m watching her. I can’t help but be in awe of her, yea I’ve fallen hard and there is no turning back.

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't I?

The crowd is enamored with her as some couples are hugged up, others dancing together as her voice begins to carry even higher as she opened her eyes smiling softly at me.

You seem to know just what you want

And I like your confidence

Some things a girl should never rush

Cause If you do you hurt yourself

“Damn right I know what I want baby,” I muttered to myself as Trin smiled slyly at me having heard my confession. Hell, it wasn’t a secret, I wanted Candice to be mine, and I would wait for as long as it takes.

Candice POV

I knew I wanted it all with Jey, but I had to make sure I had let all the hurt go that my breakup with Joe caused. It wouldn’t be fair to carry that baggage into my relationship with Jey. He deserved better than that.

As I sang to Jey, I felt free and it dawned on me. I had already truly let go of the hurt and I was ready to be happy again.

I knew what I wanted, and what I was looking for in a partner. Jey was who I wanted, and I had never been more sure of that than I was right now.

I'm too young for tears in the night

And it's to soon for this to be right

Don't wanna mess with your pride

The questions not when but whyyyyy

can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Glancing up, our eyes met in a gaze so passionate, it made me weak in the knees. I knew he heard me, he finally understood what I was trying to say.

I Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't... I

The applause was overwhelming as I saw the crowd standing up clapping as the lights came up. “Thank you all so much,” I said standing up to take a bow, pointing at Jey in the crowd letting him know the song was for him. His million-dollar smile shinned brightly with pride as I went backstage.

Jey’s POV

“You better go get yo girl man!” Jimmy exclaimed as Trin pushed me off towards backstage area. “Aye, I’m goin’ you ain’t got to tell me twice,” I said rushing backstage to get a few minutes alone with her.

I saw her leaning up against the wall, eyes closed taking deep breaths with her hand over her chest. "I can't believe I just did that," she whispered as I smiled. Sneaking up, she gasped as I kissed her cheek.

“Hey best friend,” I whispered as she smiled brightly at me. “Hey bestie,” she whispered in return, hugging me.

“You know I get what you sayin’ and all, it’s just gon’ be hard not to kiss you when I want to,” I confessed as she laughed against my chest. “Who said you couldn’t?” she asked pulling away from me as I moaned at her words.

“So, what you sayin’ beautiful?” I asked, leaning her up against the wall, towering over her as I felt her fingers grip my shirt as she pulled me closer standing slightly on her tiptoes.

“It means It depends on your answer to my question. Can I love you in slow motion Joshua?” Candice whispered against my lips as I took her in a passionate kiss.

I couldn’t let this moment pass me by, I had to kiss her. Her moans begging me for more as I willed myself to pull away from her lips after a few minutes.

Our heavy breathing was the only sound that could be heard in the hall as we both were trying to catch our breaths.

“Hell yea, you can love me anyway yo ass want singing to me like that,” I growled against her lips as she giggled.

“I really meant it though, I do like you,” she said wiping her lip gloss off of my lips as I smiled at her.

“Well, since we both have established the fact that we both like each other. Will you be my lady?” I asked, taking her hand in mine. “It’s no pressure, we can take things slow, I just want you to be my lady,” I said honestly laying it all out on the table.

Candice’s POV

“I would love to be your lady Joshua,” I said winking at him as I saw him sigh in relief.

“Thank God…You know I like it when you do that right,” he whispered gently kissing me as I moaned in pleasure. “You like what?” I asked running my fingers through his hair. “When you call me by my real name,” he said smiling at me as I felt my knees become weak.

“Well, then I guess I will be saying it more often Joshua,” I said stealing another kiss before we went back to join Trin and Jimmy.

Yep, Candice was back and ready to start living again.

Taglist: @reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld @jeyusosgirl

#jey uso fanfiction #jey uso fanfic #jey uso fic #jey uso imagine #jey uso smut #jey uso x fem reader #jey uso x oc #jey uso x reader #jimmy uso fanfiction #roman reigins fanfiction #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns x oc #roman reigns x reader #main event jey uso #jey uso #wwe fanfiction #jeysuso

183 notes · View notes

deathbxnny · 1 year

Note

Hello ! Can I request an s/o with a really soothing, calm and smooth voice with the Stellaron Hunters ? Idk why it sounds really nice maybe because I'm a simp for smooth voices. Love what you write btw

-----♡

A/N: Thank you for the request and sweet words Anon! Also I absolutely relate to this and it's one of the many reasons I'm obsessed with Kafka. Her English voice does unspeakable things to me lmao

Content: Fluff, established relationship, reader has a smooth voice, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Kafka

She's obsessed with the way your voice sounds and is not shy to compliment you about it either. In fact, she loves flustering you with her own sultry and smooth voice as payback.

Kafka could listen to your voice for hours and therefore talks to you alot, just to hear more of it. It doesn't matter what the topic is either, as long as she can hear you speak, she won't care. It's just so soothing and relaxing to her. You could ask anything of her and she'll do it with no hesitation.

This however means, that arguing with her over anything won't really work either, as she'll always be way too distracted by your pretty voice. She can't take you seriously, when you sound so soothing and cute.

-----♡

》Blade

Blade seems mostly unaffected by your voice and doesn't make a big fuss out of it. Why should he care anyways? Its nothing special and he hears you talk everyday... but it's all just an act, ofcourse.

Deep down, he's enamoured by your smooth voice. You're just so soothing and calming to him. Whenever he's having a rough day, he knows you'll be there to help and soothe him. Your voice always instantly calms him down.

With that said, he won't ever tell you about the effect you have on him. He's way too stubborn to admit that and doesn't want you to think that he is weak... but you still notice how easily he caved to your demands, whenever your voice is extra smooth.

-----♡

》Silver Wolf

She loves your voice and gives you compliments on it, but that's as much as you'll get out of her. She already thinks that everything about you is perfect, so she doesn't find it surprising or revolutionary, that your voice is perfect as well.

With that said, you keep her calm and focused, whenever you two are working together. Her job can be very stressful and hearing you gently tell her to take it easy, whilst you encourage her, helps her alot.

You soothe and calm her, but also sometimes fluster her on rare occasions. If you catch her in the perfect time, you might get a small blush put of her, as she tries responding to you normally. Perhaps she's just in denial at how much your voice truly does affects her.

-----♡

A/N: I hope this is okay, Anon! Thank you again for the request!<33

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #hsr x reader #hsr blade #hsr blade x reader #hsr kafka #hsr kafka x reader #hsr silver wolf #hsr silver wolf x reader #hsr

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

"Oh my gosh do you sound like a sim to them??"

Me trying to place myself in their shoes:

"Why the fuck do I sound like a villager in Animal Crossing-- ARE THEY HEARING ANIMALESE WHEN I SPEAK?!"

(A.k.a I saw the previous ask and thought wait a minute. Two different worlds. Languages so similar but so different....... We're basically speaking animalese in another game/world lmfao)

(Bonus: Creator!Reader knows this and takes full advantage as their payback. Traveller magically understands and speaks back causing further pyschic confusion. Pretty sure soke brains have been melted among linguistic students in Sumeru)

-Vine Boom

VINE BOOM MY BELOVED IM SO LATE TO ATTEND TO YOU!! :'(

It has been a minute and yet, you remain my love!! Thank you for your patience, have a little scenario as my thanks for that and submitting the cool idea <3

Me @ you: ♥ ( ॢᵕ n ᵕ (꒡ᵋ ꒡ღ) mwah! /p

this gif is just really cute thats why its here.

also i have very little to add so its short but only bc im ✨uncreative✨ atm and ur ask alone is funny enough lmao, so once again, a scenario bc vine booms just a genius all on their own ✨️

◇

😭so you mean 😭 as revenge 😭 for this awful deed 😭 done to your speech 😭 you just start EMBRACING IT 😭😭😭PLEAASEEE-

PLEASE the traveler understands it!! 💀

Also if anyone reads this im so sorry ive flooded the sagau tag with language shenanigans LMAO

◇

Ever since you realized that the entirety of Teyvat sounds like Sims to you, (and the subsequent awful reckoning that you sound the same to them 😭)

You have finally mentally recovered enough courage, and desperately shoved any embarrassment deep into your soul, to try and think of what to do about it

♤

You quickly found that people had 3 types of reactions to your speech,

1. They try to understand the nonsense like you trying to understand their Simlish, it really doesnt work, you wish you could tell them to give up and just gesture at you instead:

(ALHAITHAM he keeps trying then giving up then trying again lol, Diluc, ZHONGLI, Sara, Albedo, Candace, Dehya she thinks she’s gonna get it THIS time she swears-, Eula, Gorou, GANYU she feels bad lmao, Jean, AYAKA, keqing, kuki, Nahida, ningguang, AETHER, Thoma, xinyan, XIAO)

◇

2. They act like you when you hear animal crossing characters speak 💀 you can see the “omg so cute” sparkle in their eyes:

(KAZUHA, kokomi, barbara, KAEYA, ZHONGLI again lol he tries to hide it but you can see the tiny smile everytime you walk over and start ranting at him bc ur bored, Faruzan, GOROU, AYATO, YAE MIKO, keqing, LISA, mika, mona, KLEE literally loves you and you can tell shes always trying to get you to say something lol, Ei (archon), Rosaria she always SMIRKS and ur just- 😳, CHILDE the little shit giggles at ur misery, LUMINE AND AETHER U CANT TRUST EITHER OF THEM- , THOMA, SCARAMOUCHE BUT HE’D NEVER ADMIT IT BUT HE ALWAYS IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO HIDE A TINY SMILE AND GOES A LITTLE PINK-!! SAME FOR XIAO LMAO)

◇

3. You know that tiktok audio thats like Isabella from Animal Crossing singing, and then someone’s like “uh-huh! YEAH! OKAY!!” yeah like that, but to you LMAO

(ITTO, Bennett, KAVEH, heizou, VENTI, Nilou she like nods after everything you say and makes sure you’re treated well in every conversation aw, qiqi, KLEE, Raiden (puppet) + Ei (archon), SHENHE no explanation needed, CYNO too, LUMINE, YELAN, yoimiya, yunjin)

♧

Alright i got tired sorry not everybody’s there lol^

So no matter the reaction, they all are a little bummed nobody can get you,

…but then of. Fucking. Course.

LUMINE/AETHER as ALWAYS get SPECIAL TREATMENT

(there’s not a single person throughout all the nations, the archons, the allogenes, doesnt matter, who hasn’t felt a LITTLE pang of envy for this- bc as cute as you sound, goddamit they USED to understand you when you weren’t physically here, before you overcame the Universal Barrier AKA the computer screen lol)

AND THEY GET TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

The Sumeru linguistics department is grinding their teeth, Alhaitham straight up glares every time they translate for you lmao, Zhongli’s eye twitches at least once everytime they do so, Kazuha is literally trying to bribe them with cool places he’s seen that the traveler hasn’t so they’ll share the secret of how to understand you, Ningguang gets 10x chillier when they’re helping convos w/ you, Ei looks like she’s fucking pouting-

☆

Aether is just like 🤨?? For what?? I’m helping???

So confused he never gets what’s going on lol

✨

Lumine, on the other hand, is FULLY aware and smirks every time she’s so smug about it LMAO

^ the embodiment of the cat surrounded by knives meme ^

☆

Ahhhh my exhibition is April 6th u guys!

May I finally rest in peace when that day comes 🪦

Cant wait to graduate and just have a regular job and not academia + deadlines 😭😫

Hope you guys have had a nice week or two!

Look out for more posts after the 6th :>

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

Short one but hope its fun my beloved!! :)

#so cursed #take ur revenge yes vine boom the way u think #everytime i think a little too hard abt ur anon name i giggle bc its from the blunt lang au lmao #my askers big brains>>> anything i post #genshin impact #genshin sagau #sagau #my asks #genshin imagines #gender neutral reader #genshin isekai #genshin sagau ideas #genshin god reader #genshin impact sagau #genshin x reader #genshin reader insert #god i never remember all the tags i need to put dammit

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dramavixen · 7 months

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Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption.

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palate won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more.

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

---

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground?

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty.

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him.

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival?

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell.

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

---

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions.

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing.

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings.

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me.

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them.

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way?

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality.

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

---

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious.

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like.

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

---

Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them.

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain?

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that.

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

#love and redemption #琉璃 #scribbles*#originally this was only going to be about the racism #then the further i got the more i thought “well you can't just talk about the racism and not everything else”#and after adding “everything else” i figured i might as well do a sifeng/xuanji relationship analysis while i was at it #so here we are #it's below 10k words though :D so still bite-sized? ...lol

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