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deltas-writing-corner · 4 years ago

Text

Courtship: Invitation

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Warnings: mentions of blood | depictions of firearms/firearm handling | mentions of hunting

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AO3 version

Slight revisions and full version posted on: 5/4/2021

“Here,” Sam hands you a thick envelope. “Your pay, as usual.”

You trust Sam not to go behind your back and the mutual agreement set between you two, but you make sure to grab and stop him from walking away with all your produce just yet. You need to count the money he's handed over and ensure every last madol is where it should be. Thankfully, it is, but there are a few extra bills you know aren’t supposed to be in there.

You remove the extra money and hand it back to him. “You gave me too much.”

He pushes your hand back and shakes his head. “Consider this my holiday gift for you.”

You give him an incredulous look. “You sure? Because if you come back here next week telling me I owe you money I’m going to sick the wolves on you.”

Your threat is met with a hearty laugh from the shopkeeper. “Have I ever done you wrong, my friend?”

“Yes, you have actually.”

“Haha, good times indeed!” He casually waves at you as he hauls away your vegetables on a large wooden cart. “Happy holidays!”

You have half a mind to remind him that the holiday season is over. Instead, you decide that it’s best to just turn around and walk away. The money is in your hands and your produce is in his care and that's all there is to it. This season's harvest is now officially concluded and you can start prepping for the spring. After a long-deserved rest, of course. The few extra madols give you just a little more than what was needed to put down for a brand new generator for the dorm. You have a model already picked out ahead of time. All that's left is to order and wait for it to come in.

"Well?" Benji floats up to you as soon as you enter the front door. "Do we have enough?"

You proudly wave the envelope in the air. "We have enough and then some!"

Your housemates cheer and pull you into a group hug. Frankie takes the envelope from you and heads out, most likely heading to the safe you’ve hidden from Grim so he can put all the money together and deposit it at the nearest bank. Once the ghosts come down from their brief celebratory high, you excuse yourself and head to the backyard where Malleus is waiting for you.

"I'm back!" you happily announce your arrival.

"Welcome back," he smiles up at you. "Did you get your payment?"

"I did!" you nod. "Frankie's taking it to the bank, so I should be able to get that new generator before sunset."

"That's good. It'll be one less problem for you to worry about."

"You can say that again," you sigh. "Thanks for your help today. I'm surprised we managed to pick and clean everything up before noon!"

You situate yourself next to Malleus, who's sitting down on the low porch. Gunter's pups have been following him since breakfast and you don't think they'll be off his heels for some time. It's been like this since they were born. One might even be able to say that they like him more than they do you. Malleus doesn't show it or verbally express it, but you can tell he enjoys their attachment to him. He allows them to jump all over him and drench him in wet kisses without much of a fuss. Who knows, when they grow older they just might start following and taking orders from him rather than you. Maybe he won't need Sebek and Silver to follow him anymore if they stick around?

You can imagine Sebek being incredibly offended that a bunch of wild wolves took his job.

Malleus looks at you. "Have you given them names yet?"

"The pups?" you ask for clarification. "I've been meaning to, but my head can’t think of any. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them."

Malleus mulls over your offer. He picks up one pup at a time, trying to think of an appropriate name to give them. After about 10 minutes his shoulders go slack and he looks back over to you with disappointment. "I'm afraid I'm drawing a blank as well."

"Well, you gave it a shot," you clap your hand on his shoulder. "Tell you what. Once we get that new generator, we can sit down and do a bit of name-brainstorming over some tea."

"Yes, that sounds lovely," he smiles again, and you start to realize that he has a damn good smile. "When do you want to get together?"

"Sometime next week. With the extra money Sam gave me I can get the generator in faster!"

Malleus seems momentarily excited, but it quickly dies as he suddenly realizes something. "Can we meet the week after next? I have something important coming up."

"Sure," you say. "What's happening next week?"

"It's…" he hesitates. "It's my birthday next week."

Your eyes pop wide open. "Oh shit, for real?"

"Indeed."

One of the pups desperately tries to jump up onto the porch, but his stubby legs and meager strength aren't enough to push him over the edge. As you reach down and help him up, you ask, "How come I'm only hearing about your birthday now?"

Malleus carefully lifts the other pups onto the porch as well. "You never asked me."

"No kidding", you snort. "To be honest, I thought that maybe you didn't celebrate it anymore since you're hundreds of years old. Don't birthdays lose their novelty after a few centuries?"

"They do,” he agrees “I haven't had a grandiose party since I was about your age."

"Wow," your eyebrows lift in shock. "That's just rude."

He suddenly looks so terrified. "I didn't mean it-"

"I'm kidding!" you quickly reassure him. "Lighten up Tsunotarou! I'm not going to shoot you for poking a bit of fun at me."

"So you say," he grumbles.

"I'm not!" you defensively shrill. "If you're talking about the time I shot at those sea worms, I had every right to! No way in hell was I gonna be intimidated into giving my dorm up. Not now. Not ever."

Those "sea worms" you're referring to are Jade and Floyd Leech from Octavinelle. During exams week, Ace Deuce and Grim as well as many other students who made a deal with Azul for his infamous study guides practically kissed the very ground you walked on in order to convince you to rescue them from their dubious contracts. Initially, you refused their request no matter how much they pleaded or bothered you. It wasn't until Jade and Floyd caught onto this bit of information (it’s hard to ignore a dozen students following you around like a bunch of chicks) that they began to set their sights on you. The two tried to squeeze you into a deal that would release everyone who signed a contract with Azul for his infamous cheat sheet, so long as you could keep up your end of the bargain.

It was clearly too good to be true or fair. Nevertheless, you decided to at least listen and attempt to negotiate some sort of proposal that would make both sides happy, if only to have your intruded space restored to normal. Unfortunately, Azul wouldn't settle for anything less than your dorm, which you refused to hand over despite Grim's OK to put it up for grabs. Jade and Floyd insisted you agree to the terms for the sake of your friends and fellow schoolmates, but you bluntly told them something that, to this day, never fails to make Malleus giggle even when he's in a foul mood.

"You're not getting my fucking dorm! Not now! Not ever!"

Unfortunately, Jade and Floyd began to follow you around too and even went as far as to visit your dorm during unconventional hours, on a regular basis. Their insistent arguments began to turn into veiled threats, and you aren't the type of person to take them all too well. Malleus remembers visiting you one day only to find you out on the roof, your hunting rifle in hand, keeping a vigilant eye out towards the gates for the Leech twins to make their expected visit. Malleus knew that your weapon is a dangerous one when used correctly, but he did not expect as much power behind it as it had until you shot a couple of live rounds near the merfolk's feet.

His ears still ring thinking about that powerful discharge.

"Where is your rifle?" he asks. "Also, where is your falcon?"

"Twilight? She's still upstairs in her cage." You make a vague gesture towards the second floor.

Twilight is a falcon that you found during one of your hunting trips, having suffered a nasty injury to her wing. You have some experience with falconry so you immediately recognized her mannerism as that of a hunting falcon as well as her breed, an Aplomado. You tried to find her original handler while you nursed her back to health, but unfortunately, no one came forward to claim her and you decided to keep her. You and her bonded very easily, so rehabilitating and training her to take commands from you was a breeze. While you expected her to maybe leave your side once she was able to properly fly again, she remains determined to stick with you.

You stand up and turn towards the back door. "I should probably wake her up before she gets mad at me.”

"I'll watch over these while you do that," Malleus grabs one of the pups who topples over another and refuses to get off of them.

"Thanks!" You bend down and give him a quick one-armed hug from behind. "You're the best!"

As you're about to head back into your home, you stop at the door and turn back around. "Are you sure you want me to bring my rifle?"

"Do you not want to bring it out?"

"I don't mind bringing it. It's just, not everyone likes to be around guns."

Malleus nods in understanding. "Well, I'm not like everyone," he playfully remarks.

"No, you're not," you smile. "I'll be right back then."

"Take your time," he assures you.

"Rise and shine pretty bird!"

You lift the dark sheet off of her cage so she can bask in the morning light. Twilight was busy preening herself, but now that you're in her sight she begins to happily screech and shuffles closer to the door, eagerly awaiting for you to open it so she can jump on you.

You quickly slip on your handling gloves and help her transfer from her perch to your hand. Her sharp talons tightly grip around the sides of your fingers, but the thick leather prevents them from piercing your raw flesh. You snap your fingers a couple of times to get her attention focused solely on you. When she maintains steady eye contact with you, you reach into your pocket and present your other gloved palm to her. In it are some bacon bits you managed to snag from the leftovers of this morning's breakfast. She eagerly pecks and munches down the small meal.

"It still isn't the best time to go hunting, but how's about I let you out anyways and you can stretch your wings for a bit?"

She expands her wings and flaps them a few times, a sign that she's eager to take you up on your offer. You haven't taken her out to hunt for about a month, mainly because you were gone half of the time. The winters here are especially harsh, even with a bunch of fire faeries keeping the campus somewhat warmer. The pickings are also dry since most of the wildlife on the island are sticking close to their burrows to stay warm and wait out the season.

You've been itching to head out into the forest recently, but winter is usually a bad hunting season for you. Luckily, you've met and befriended a few of the locals on the island who live off the bounty of the land as you do. They tend to look out for one another and offer help during difficult times, and the barren winter is no exception. You make a mental reminder to reach out and ask where some of the best hunting spots on the island are once this generator fiasco is all taken care of.

"Now, you wouldn't happen to know where my rifle is, do you?" you ask her. When she goes to nibble a piece of your hair, you know that she has no clue.

As you're about to head down to the foyer (you often leave it there), a sudden squeaking noise catches both Twilight and your attention. There, at the other end of the hall, a beady-eyed Jerboa bounces up and down in a steady rhythm in an attempt to grab your attention.

Scarabia wasn't entirely traumatizing. You met Gizmo, the Jerboa before you, during one of the exhausting desert marches, nearly dead from severe dehydration. The little guy brought you a bit of comfort throughout the entire ordeal. He also was able to bring you the enchanted envelope Malleus gave you before he went back home for the winter break. It immediately sends any letter you place inside it to him once you set it on fire. How else could you have contacted him after your phone was conveniently confiscated after your first escape attempt?

"Good morning, little guy," you smile down at him. "You wouldn't happen to know where my gun is, do you?"

It seems he does, as he turns and begins to race down the adjacent hall. He stops every so often to look back at you, making sure you're still keeping up with him. Eventually, he stops in front of a door to one of several lounging areas. This one, in particular, is more the ghosts' lounge than anyone else's. It's filled with all sorts of memorabilia and photos from the dorm's heyday. The ghosts have shared a few stories about the shenanigans they got in when they were both alive and students at NRC. Interestingly enough, the dorm was a sort of "halfway home" for students undergoing the difficult process that is switching to another dorm. The idea was to separate the student from those of their originally assigned dorm so they can better learn and adopt the characteristics of the dorm they wish to transfer into.

Soon enough, the dorm began to house more and more people. A common feeling amongst the residents of the past was a feeling of displacement or disconnection towards the other formal dorms and the ideals they upheld. While not approved by the headmaster, the residents began to form a sort of pseudo dorm with its own set of principles as well as assigning a dorm leader and vice leader just as the others did. Nothing was ever written in stone, but the ghosts vouched that the main “characteristics” amongst Ramshackle’s past residents was a desire to establish camaraderie with those around them, no matter their background or origins.

Listening and learning what the Ramshackle once meant to them and so many others hit home for you. You lived near a small rural town, surrounded by people who were willing to share their resources with their neighbors and even the occasional stranger simply because it was a kind thing to do for one another. The students of NRC are willing to put their heads together, sure, but there almost always has to be some sort of catch that benefits the individual.

Living with students like that is stressful as hell. Somedays you just skip school entirely, having already gone through the many woes and few wonders of high school back in your world. You have zero patience to deal with people who only view each other (and subsequently you) as inferior or a mere stepping stone to trample over. Ace and Deuce are your friends and have proven that they are "exceptions" so to speak. However, they're still just a couple of kids. No matter how well you three communicate and work well with each other, there's just a natural disconnection you feel with them that not even magic can fix.

It makes your close connection with Malleus, someone who's centuries older than you, incredibly ironic. You've essentially had your life figured out back home, and in some strange serendipitous way, so does Malleus. He's going to become king of his home country immediately after or sometime after he graduates, while you were going to continue living that nice rural lifestyle you lived back home, alongside your 3 aunts and many cousins. At least, once Crowley finds a way to send you back.

Maybe that's why his confession felt so much more confusing and intensely when it happened. Everything seemed so linear before he uttered those three words to you. Now, it feels like the clear and concise timeline you've had pictured in your head for months is just one big blob of scribbles and nonsense.

"Am I doing something wrong?" you desperately ask Frankie. "Because it feels like I made some huge mistake and now it's coming back to bite me in the ass right now."

"Of course you haven't done anything wrong," he rubs your shoulder reassuringly.

"Then why does it feel like everything around me is slowly falling apart?" You're sobbing at this point. The cigar you took from him earlier is now abandoned, snuffed out in the ashtray. "Why does it feel like I'm falling apart?"

"Nu-uh," he shakes his head and gives you a stern look. "We're not gonna do none of that. Do you hear me? None."

"Then what the hell do I need to do?!" you shriek. "Frankie, I'm fucking losing it here. I'm one more backhanded dismissal away from kicking Crowley's teeth in. I swear, if one more overblot happens, so help me. I can't deal with someone else's problems when I can't even get a full night of rest anymore!"

"You've done nothing wrong, you hear me?" he reaffirms. "I get it, I do. Right now, life is handing you a bad hand and you don't have the people you usually rely on for support. I've been there kiddo. We all have. We may not be like your aunts or your loud-ass cousins,"

A smile finally cracks on your face. He's using your own words you've used to describe your younger family members. You love the little tykes, but they can be a handful sometimes.

Damn, you miss them, your aunts too. They're all that you have left after a messy custody battle with your parents. This garden. Your rifle. Hell, even your insistence at taking over many of the household chores have all been your desperate attempts of finding some sort of familiarity in this new and strange world.

"But remember, those in Ramshackle stick together and help each other out when they're in a pinch. We'll handle all the little stuff, the cooking, the cleaning, the occasional clogged pipe," he scoffs, annoyed just thinking about the pipes clogging up again. They've been doing it a lot lately and everyone in the house is incredibly over it. "Right now, your only priority is yourself. Okay?"

It takes you a moment to really take in his words, but eventually, you nod in understanding. "Alright," you affirm out loud.

He squeezes your shoulder. "Good."

A sharp and muffled whistle pulls your attention away. Johnny's voice is a little hard to make out, but you're able to make out "generator working" and "warm coffee".

"C'mon," Frankie holds open the glass door and ushers you outside. "I don't know about you, but I could use a cup of coffee."

"I could use two," you sigh.

He gives one last squeeze around your shoulder. For a moment, it feels like you're back home. You feel a little better too. A little bit more secure.

As you enter the room, you see that Benji, and Johnny are gathered for the usual late morning/early afternoon poker matches.

"Hey, prefect," Benji, the first one to notice your entrance, greets. "Need something?"

"Have you seen my rifle?" you look around the room for any immediate sign of it. "It's been a while since I used it and I've completely lost track of it."

"Should be under one of the floorboards here," Johnny, who is playing busy rearranging his cards, says. "If not, try the floorboards in the living room."

You thank him and begin carefully stepping and tapping your foot against the wooden floorboards, trying to find and search one of many secret spaces made back in Ramshackle's glory days. Nothing dangerous (you hope) was ever hidden. It was mainly used by the students who lived here during its heyday to hide bottles of alcohol and cigarettes. You know, the typical items a bunch of teenage outcasts would keep around.

There was actually a bottle of some rare and expensive wine that was left behind as the number of residents began to dwindle. You and the ghosts are waiting for the right occasion to crack it open and enjoy the vintage-like a bunch of fiends. Grim won't be having any. Hell no.

Twilight has temporarily detached herself from your side and perches comfortably on Benji's shoulder. Her talons dig into his white spectral body, but he doesn't wince or show any sign that he's in any pain. She nibbles on his worn scarf to pass the time until you call her. Gizmo busies himself by helping you find all the secret spaces. He finds one and begins jumping over it more enthusiastically. When you pry the wooden slat up, you perk up as the familiar scent of old gunpowder fills your nose.

"There you are!" you practically sing when you lift the board and see your trusty gun. "And here I was thinking Benji lost you."

"I heard that!" he shouts, deeply offended.

"I know," you reply. "Glad to know that your hearing hasn't gone out yet. Had me worried for a while, gramps."

Johnny erupts in a symphony of loud laughter. While community and mutual respect were a value shared between Ramshackle residents, a bit of teasing and the occasional prank is always welcomed. It's a great way to keep morale up. It's also satisfying to say a remark that makes everyone laugh or have a prank go as planned. So long as no one got hurt, it's all fair game between you all.

You lift the heavy rifle out of the space and do a routine check. The internal magazine is empty and when you probe the back of the chamber with your pinky you don't feel a loaded round inside. You flip the safety on and off and pull the trigger a few times to make sure the mechanisms are working correctly. You also do a quick count of your ammunition. While guns do exist in this world, coming across bullets is much harder than it is in your world. This is mainly due to the reliance on magically sourced bullets that help reduce the use of resources. Their rarity makes them expensive, and the few blacksmiths who do make them usually don't sell to anyone unless they feel the buyer is a genuine enthusiast of their craft. The buyer also needs to have a license to own them, which you thankfully earned after a few safety lessons and a short exam.

Lucky for you, the one and only smith on the island who makes bullets was more than happy to provide you with some bullets at an affordable price after you allowed him to ogle your rifle for a few hours. It's an old model, supposedly used by your great grandfather after he was enlisted into the army. When the war ended and he was sent back home, he customized it so it can be used for hunting deers instead of people. Your first aunt Gia was always handling it. Whether she was taking it apart and putting it back together or out in the backyard doing some recreational target practice.

She always looked strong yet elegant carrying it around, not that she isn’t without it. During your first year living with her, you tried to imitate her, slinging some large stick you found out in the woods to try to exude the same energy she did. When your second aunt Lucia moved in with your cousins after her divorce, she was quick to reprimand you and confiscate any of the newly found branches you brought back home and waved around as an imaginary rifle. Your aunt Gia eventually began to teach you how to properly and safely handle her firearm. By the time your third aunt Marisol moved in after graduating from university, you were one hell of a sharpshooter and a damn good hunter.

With the rifle now deemed safe to take to Malleus, you sling it over your shoulder and make your way out of the room. You whistle the signal for Twilight to return to your side and she immediately heeds your command. Her obedience earns her a few more bits of bacon. Gizmo also wishes for some compensation for helping you locate your rifle. You make a quick trip to the kitchen and give him a few raisins to snack on. He's the only one who eats raisins in the dorm, so you don't skimp out on him.

Blossom does try to snag a few for himself, but a threatening screech from Twilight scares the gluttonous fawn away. That deer sure loves to eat.

"I'm back, again!" you announce as you reclose the back door behind you.

"Welcome back, again," Malleus regreets you. "And a good morning to you, Twilight."

Twilight also loves Malleus. She eagerly shifts her feet, desperately wanting to fly onto his arm and properly say hello. You let her transfer onto him once he slips on the safety glove you provide. After a few minutes of giving her loving neck scratches and trying to stop her from nipping at Malleus's ears (she likes them a lot and, now that you’re thinking about it, you do too), you take her back and help send her off into the air for some much needed soaring time.

"I see you brought your weapon," Malleus looks at your rifle with an examining eye.

"I did," you bring it around and into your arms. "Now, why did you want me to bring it again?"

"No reason in particular," he admits. "I just...I'm quite used to seeing you with it. You're never without it unless you're attending classes."

A proud smirk finds its way onto your face no matter how hard you try to hide it. "I'll take that as a compliment."

A potentially stupid idea pops up in your head. "Do you want me to teach you how it works?"

"Truly?" Malleus looks extremely shocked at your offer. "You dislike it greatly when another person touches it."

"I dislike it when people who don't know the first thing about gun safety touch my gun," you correct. "But count yourself lucky, because I know everything there is to know about this one right here!"

"Very well,” he gives a conceding nod. “Have at it."

This is the most excited you've ever been since waking up in the floating coffin all those months ago. While you aren't the biggest gun enthusiast out there (you only ever use it for hunting), you do like it when people show interest to learn about your hobbies. Ace and Deuce are teenagers, so it's no surprise that they don't exactly find the long and grueling labor that goes into gardening all that exciting. Your firearm is nothing more than a toy in their minds, though Deuce is a bit more serious than Ace is when it comes to safety.

Speaking of gun safety. "Now, I don't mean to nag but it's important to remember that, under no circumstances, are you to ever point a gun at anyone. Loaded or unloaded."

Malleus makes a face of confusion. "Then how come you pointed and shot at the Leech twins?"

"Hey," you put your hands up in defense. "I wasn't shooting at them. I shot at the ground and it just so happens that their feet were near my line of shot."

"Ah, I see," he chuckles at your convenient excuse. "So shooting near an individual is ok, so long as the bullet doesn't hit them."

"Exactly," you wink at him. "But seriously, don't point it at or near anyone. And don't look down the barrel. Lilia nearly gave me a heart attack when I caught him doing just that."

He closes his eyes and gives a deep nod like you just bestowed upon him a great piece of wisdom. "Duly noted."

"Next is the magazine," you turn and pull back the bolt handle to show him the empty magazine hidden underneath the bolt itself. "This is where you put the bullets. The magazine holds up to 4 bullets, 5 if you keep one loaded in the chamber. Since my gun is an older model, you can’t pop in an external magazine. Unless you're in a desperate situation, it's best to"

You look up to make sure Malleus is following along with your explanation. Maybe he is, but it's hard to tell when his eyes completely ignore the rifle you have set between the two of you and instead keeps his eyes focused solely on you. Your throat immediately dries up and you feel your heart begin to beat just a bit faster after it skips a beat. The look he's giving you is the same one he gave you at Scarabia, a content, and dazed smile. There's a hint of melancholy in his expression, evident by how the inner corners of his eyebrows turn upward.

He looks so at peace, yet so sad.

"What's wrong?" you ask, though you know full well what's making him feel that way he does.

He shakes his head in denial. The visual sadness goes away once he settles. "Nevermind me. Keep talking, please."

"R-Right," you stutter. "Where was I again?"

"You said your gun is an older model."

"Right," you remember. "Since the model is old, it's best not to reload too quickly, otherwise you risk jamming the gun and in some cases, you might break a mechanism."

You feel a faint vibration underneath your leg. Thinking it's your phone (now set back to vibration mode) you start to pat down your clothes to try and find the device. Surprisingly, it actually came from Malleus's phone. It keeps pulsing in fixed intervals, likely from someone calling him. He quickly pulls it out and clicks on the red reticle, sending the caller to voicemail without batting an eyelash. You couldn't see who was calling, but you swear their name started with an 'S'. Could it be Silver or Sebek calling? You hope it's not Sebek because once Malleus starts to manually decline his calls, the next person he usually rings up is-

You feel another vibration, this time it's coming from your phone that you apparently left in your back pocket. Lo and behold, it's Sebek that's calling you. You show your screen to Malleus, who makes a dramatically loud sigh of exhaustion. Sebek...While he's well-intentioned and has his charming points, he can be a bit of a handful...

Ok, that's too nice a way of putting it. Really, as passionate as he is, he can be a bit annoying to deal with sometimes. You're trying to be polite as you can be with him because you've been told that Faes offended easily and you're not going to be that asshole. Though, you’ll be the first to admit that he’s such an easy and fun target to joke around with. Blame the ghosts, their behavior is gradually rubbing off on you.

His protectiveness and the deep admiration he has towards Malleus is a little quirky, even cute at times. It reminded you of a child vehemently protecting their parent from their lover, not that you and Malleus are dating or anything.

Why did that last part feel weird to say in your head?

"Go ahead and answer," Malleus concedes. "I’m not entirely in the mood to listen to his shouting in the middle of the day."

"Oh, his heart would break if he heard you," you place a hand over your fake-pained heart. "You are such a cruel man, Great and Benevolent Malleus!"

The two of you erupt into a brief fit of laughter. After calming yourself down, you answer the phone. "Hello, you've reached the Ramshackle dormitory."

You have to turn away and cup your free hand around your mouth so the phone doesn't pick up Malleus's uncontrollable giggles.

"Human!” he shouts into the phone and you have to pull it back to alleviate your overwhelmed eardrum. “ If you would kindly put Lord Malleus on the phone, I would greatly appreciate it."

You look over to Malleus, but Sebek was loud enough that you don’t have to mouth anything to him. He gestures for you to hand the phone over to him, but you put your hand up to tell him to give you a moment.

"If you want to talk to Malleus, press two,” you blankly say. “Those are the rules."

"Human! I don’t have time for your terrible jokes!"

Malleus then gestures for you to hand over your phone. "Do as they say, Sebek," he calmly commands.

Your hands slap against your mouth to cover the loud and ugly screech you make when you hear the loud dial noise come right after.

The two talk for a while. It’s mainly Malleus listening to whatever Sebek is passionately rambling about while giving the occasional hum and idle acknowledgments. At one point during the call, he looks over to you and frowns. You mouth “what’s wrong?” but he shakes his head and looks away. Once he hangs up, he lets out a very stressful sigh and slumps a bit. He’s upset.

“Hey,” you move your rifle and scoot closer to him, giving him a gentle shoulder bump once you’re near. “Talk to me. What did Sebek say?”

“It’s nothing important,” he continues to dismiss. “Just a trivial matter.”

“ Malleus,” your voice becomes stern. “C’mon, talk to me.”

He tends to downplay his troubles since he thinks they pale in comparison to the many other aspects going on in his life (being royalty can’t be easy). When it was clear that you were more than just an acquaintance, Lilia gave you a bit of advice about Fae behavior so you can better communicate with Malleus and get him to open up to you. Faes cannot lie, but they can give half-truths, and, depending on how powerful one is, they can tell white lies. It took a bit of work, but eventually, you gained enough of Malleus' trust as well as reassured him that you won't up and abandon him for simply voicing his opinions or feelings, even if you might disagree with him.

“You first,” he says insistently.

Also by the advice\of Lilia, you have a bit of an ongoing exchange with Malleus. For every instance he bears his inner thoughts and feelings to you, you have to tell him something about yourself that others don’t know about.

Have all your facts been embarrassing admittances? Yes, they have.

“No offense, but aren’t Fae notorious for being a bit...y’know?”

“Mischievous?” Lilia snickers.

“Right,” you cross your arms in an attempt to provide yourself with a bit of comfort. Lilia’s casual demeanor surely isn’t helping you. “Telling Malleus all my innermost secrets is surely going to come back and bite me in the future.”

“Well, in most circumstances you wouldn’t be wrong.” Suddenly his playful voice becomes firm and actually assuring for once. “However, there is no need for concern. I can say with certainty that whatever you tell Malleus, no matter how embarrassing or incriminating it is, will forever remain with him and him alone.”

The old Fae pats you on the head, despite being taller than him. “He cares deeply about, truly.”

That fuzzy feeling in your chest returns. Your hands have an itch to fidget with something to try and distract yourself. It ends up being a strand of your hair that gets blown in your face after an especially chilly gust of wind dishevels it. That’s when a small bulb lights up in your head.

“I hate the winter,” you admit. “The long nights throw me off and I have terrible luck running into wild game when I head out into the field. Really, it's cold weather that I hate in general.”

“Interesting,” Malleus clearly takes in and files away this new fact he’s learned in his head. “This likely isn’t a surprise, but I enjoy this time of the year.”

“What's winter in the Valley of Thorns like?”

Malleus, shocked at hearing your sudden interest in his home, begins to paint as detailed a picture as he can about the kingdom during the colder seasons. Greenery is a bit sparse given the Valley’s more mountainous terrain, but he insists that the thorn bushes you can find in nearly every corner of the land are beautiful in their own right. No matter the season, there’s always some amount of fog that dilutes the rays of the sun, so a day without one is often seen as a sign of good fortune by the people. Modern machinery is all but nonexistent as well, so there are no buildings, pollution, or lights to obscure the starry sky at night.

“Now it just sounds like I’m back home,” you let out a sad reminiscent sigh.

“What about your home? What is it like?”

“About the same as yours, except we got plenty of sunlight and we had lush forests instead of rocky cliffs. There was a small town about half an hour out, but most of the businesses there have been around since the ’50s.” You notice his confusion as your terminology, but a brief explanation of your world’s calendar clears it up.

“It sounds charming,” he says. “I’d love to visit it one day, should the opportunity present itself.”

“There’s an ice cream shop down the main avenue,” you mention, knowing how much he enjoys the cold treat. “The owners even change their selections every other day, but the rainbow sherbet is the best one they have!”

“Is that so?” he chuckles at your enthusiasm.

A sharp screech cuts your conversation into an abrupt close. That was without a doubt a signal from Twilight, letting you know that someone is walking up the pathway to the dorm. You aren’t expecting anyone, and Frankie is likely just arriving in town by now. You remember how Malleus seemed dejected after his call with Sebek.

Just as you connect the dots, Malleus stands up, brushing off any dirt and debris from his clothes. “I apologize, but I must head out now.”

“Already?” you ask with playful sadness. The fuzz in your chest dissipates into a dull ache. Weird.

“I need to go over my guest list for my birthday once more. Lilia insisted I send out handwritten invitations to immerse myself into the festivities.”

“That sounds about right.” After standing up yourself and insisting you’ll walk him out, you ask, “So when can I expect my invitation to come in?”

“You want to come? Even after,” he immediately stops himself from speaking.

Does he really think he messed up that badly with you?

“I do want to go,” you firmly tell him. “Even after everything that’s happened.”

There’s a brief silence between you two before he says, “You don’t have to force yourself.”

“I’m not,” you reassure him.

“So you say.”

“Malleus,” you sigh. “If there’s anyone scared about our friendship dissolving because of what happened, it’s me. I’m the one that’s keeping you in suspense, even now.”

The truth hurts, but no amount of shared laughs and the occasional antics between the two of you is going to magically dissolve the damage present. You’ve hurt him, and in a way, it’s hurting you as well. Life isn’t as linear as it was, but sulking and bringing the people around you down is a terribly selfish thing to do, especially towards someone you care a great deal about. You weren’t raised like that. You were taught to appreciate the little things and watch out for those around you. Not for personal gain, but because it was simply a kind thing to do.

This feeling of insecurity came before the winter break. Being around so many people whose ideals and actions clash with yours often succeeds at making you think that you’re the one in wrong, that you’re the helpless and naive one. That’s far from the truth. The community you’ve built with the ghost trio and the natives on Sage’s Island is proof that your values are shared with others.

It’s just like Frankie said, life is just serving you a bad hand right now. You can prevail and return to the better days. The better days when you and Malleus were the best of friends. But why does your heart hurt when you think about his confession for the umpteenth time? What’s making you so hesitant? More importantly, why couldn’t you tell him “yes”, yet you also knew you couldn’t tell him “no”?

As you watch Malleus and Sebek depart from your front door, making their way down the steps towards the front gates, you hastily announce that you’ll be back and begin running towards them.

You need to make things right.

Malleus noticed the way your hands sought something out to fidget with when you were feeling...he doesn’t know what that was. You weren’t feeling uncomfortable as far as he could tell.

Were you perhaps...flustered?

No, that can’t be it. You don’t think of him that way, he’s sure of now. When he quickly reassesses his behavior, he didn’t do anything that would warrant you to become nervous, other than look at you with a far too amorous gaze while you explained the ins and outs of your firearm. He couldn't help himself. Seeing you so passionate and animated, even if it's over something he has no knowledge or a particular interest in, made his heart flutter as well as ache yet again.

They fidget with the nearest object when they feel uncomfortable. Remember that.

“What was that, Lord Malleus?”

Sebek’s booming voice catches him off guard a bit, but he quickly recovers as if nothing disturbed him at all. “It’s nothing, just thinking aloud.”

“I see. In any case,” he quickly changes the subject. “The materials needed to write and send the invitation letters are all ready. Sir Lilia insists that you write each one on your own, but I am more than capable and willing to offer my assistance should you need it!”

“That’s quite alright. There aren’t a great many I need to send anyways,” Malleus gracefully rejects Sebek’s eager offer.

There really aren’t that many people who will be attending, just the residents of Diasomnia and that’s it. He initially had plans to invite you, but he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. You’ve expressed your desire to come, but he can’t help but feel that it’s only out of pity.

He doesn’t want that from you. At this point, he just wants things to return to how they once were before he opened his mouth and began to spew a bunch of one-sided nonsense. He just wants your friendship, pure and untainted like before.

Perhaps he’s destined to never have a friend after all.

“Malleus!” your distant voice calls out to him, causing him to stop in his tracks and turn around to search for you.

He doesn’t understand how you do it, but just hearing you call his name utterly burns away all the muddled thoughts circulating within his head. He is exceptional when it comes to defensive magic, yet whatever spell you manage to cast on him that makes him so taken by you, it exceeds even his own magical prowess.

But you don’t have any magic. Not even a speck courses through your veins. You’re just an average human. His nearly crippling infatuation is entirely his own doing.

"Oh, thank goodness you haven't made it past the front gates yet," you heaved out. Did you run all the way here? Did he forget something? He quickly pats his front pocket and feels a hard lump, his phone. It’s the only personal item he brought.

"Human," Sebek's voice sounds annoyed at your sudden presence. "What do you need from- AH!"

Sebek's scream hurts Malleus's ear, but the slight and momentary ring means little when you've wrapped your arms over his shoulders and pull him into a tight embrace. He immediately melts into your arms, smothering his face against the crook of your neck and taking in your scent like a desperate man. Despite the sweat you and he worked up from hours of labor, you still smell so nice, like fresh cotton and assorted herbs. It's unique. It's comforting.

It's you.

"One week," you whisper in his ear. "Give me one week. I'll have an answer for you then."

He pulls back and looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. "Pardon?"

"I've hurt you, badly." you look down in shame. "I still am, but I'm going to make it up to you. I promise"

"A promise made with a Fae is a dangerous thing, especially when you don't uphold your end of the deal," he says with a warning tone. "One week. Are you sure that's enough time?"

"It is," you say with certainty.

You're not one to lie or bite off more than you can stomach. You know when you've been beaten, that's why you called for his help over the break. His interpretation of trust differs greatly from yours, and it's not given to many, Fae or not.

"Very well,” he yields. “I will trust you to keep to your oath.”

“Thank you,” you squeeze him closer against you. “And I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. Just please, don't break my heart any further," he whispers pleadingly into your ear.

Apologies are dangerous words to say to a Fae, even a bit demeaning to some. The same with words of thanks, which you often say to him regularly. Malleus has developed a habit of accepting them out of courtesy. It's an aspect of his culture that you struggle to adjust to since it's interpreted differently in human society. You've also told him something he finds humorous, how your aunts constantly enforced you (in your words “beat it into you”) to say "please", "thank you", and “sorry”, as they didn't want others to think they were living in a crude household. It's incredibly ironic considering you tend to swear every other sentence.

You explained that "Thank you"s are acknowledgments of the efforts one makes for another, no matter how small or grandiose the gesture is. Apologies are acknowledgments that one has wronged another and wishes to make amends.

It sounds like common sense, but he understands now what you mean when you tell him "It's the little things that matter most". His heart was hurt when you couldn’t tell him “yes” or even a simple “no”. He's still suffering from the aftermath of his confession, even as he signs off on the last of the invitations for his birthday party, his mind failing to commit to the enthusiastically written words. You've acknowledged that you see his pain and that you recognize that you're its source. Despite having other troubles of your own, you've made it clear that he's now been pushed up your long to-do list and that he's now your main priority.

It brings much-needed relief to his pained heart, though just a bit.

He waits until Sebek is gone before he rummages around his desk for a beige-colored envelope, the one he enchanted and gave to you so you can speak to him over the break (he preferred this method over text messages). It still has your SOS letter in it, written with your now aged and darkened blood.

Malleus. I'm sorry for the smell, but it's all I have on hand. I'm in Scarabia's dorm and they're not letting me leave. I've been here for a few days to help the vice dorm leader with some sort of internal affair, but I think he did something to me that's making it impossible to refuse him anymore. I tried to bail, but they caught me and now they're locking me up and keeping a close eye on me.

If I may be a bit bold, I'm fucking scared out of my mind. I know it's rude of me to make demands without proper compensation, but I think I need some help. I don't want to cause a big fuss, so if you can could you come alone? If you can't that's fine. I'm sure I can pull through until the break ends.

I hope you're doing well. Again, sorry for the smell.

He makes a few more creases in the paper due to gripping it so harshly. He remembers opening it the first time and nearly ripping it in half because of how utterly livid he was. Your fresh blood also didn't help at the time. You didn't state what your current condition was when you drafted the letter and his mind immediately thought of you being injured and that was the reason you wrote it in your blood.

The time between him sneaking past his castle's security once he received your letter to arriving on Sage's Island via his own magic (curse the dark mirror for being inactive during the winter) is a bit of a blur. All he can remember is that he was just so worried for you, a magicless human against an entire dorm of wizards in training. Even someone with subpar control over their magic can do you a great deal of damage.

If sneaking out of his home without telling a soul, potentially causing one of the largest search hunts to commence had someone noticed and reported to his grandmother, doesn't prove how much you mean to him, he doesn't know what will.

One week. If it takes you one more week for you to realize this, then he will wait.

He trusts you, just as you trusted him when you sent him that letter.

He grabs his quill and dips the tip into a jar of ink, writing something quick and straightforward on a spare piece of parchment.

"Please come to my party. It would mean the world to me."

After the ink dries, he folds it and places it in the envelope, sealing it with wax bearing the crest of his family. He needs not utter a single incantation to have it erupt in a blaze of green fire. He waits. One minute. Two. Suddenly, a spark of blue fire erupts on his desk before dissipating, leaving behind the same envelope he burned minus a wax seal.

He opens it.

"Of course I will!"

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #twst malleus #twst sebek #sebek zigvolt #twst writing #reader insert #reader insert fanfiction #gender neutral reader #fanfic: courtship

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snickertoodles · 4 years ago

Text

Megalist of Tropes and Themes to Tag Your Story With

If you’re prone to staring at your tags on AO3 wondering “what the hell do I put here?”, knowing you want to add a tag like “friends to lovers” or ��found family” but not remembering all the popular tropes and themes everyone is into, this is for you. I basically spent an entire night on this so I hope it helps.

Notes:

I tried to keep it general and avoid really obscure tags no one would ever use.

This is made for AO3 and thus there’s a lot of fandom or fannish stuff in here.

I didn’t include any “inappropriate” tags. Feel free to make your own list.

Romance tropes and themes at the bottom. (Not all of them have to be romantic, but if they’re generally associated with romance and there are very few gen fics with that tag, it went there.)

Under cut because I’m probably going to edit this often and I’d like reblogs to be up to date. Please suggest any ideas you have.

Genre: Action, Adventure, Apocalypse/Post-Apocalypse, Contemporary, Comedy/Humor/Parody/Satire, Coming of Age, Crime, Cyberpunk/Steampunk, Drama, Dystopian/Utopia, Fairy Tale, Fantasy/High Fantasy/Low Fantasy/Urban Fantasy/Isekai, Family, Friendship, Gothic, Historical Fiction/Alternate History/Period Piece, Horror/Slasher, Mystery/Murder Mystery, Paranormal, Philosophical, Poetry, Romance, Slice of Life, Supernatural, Surreal, Suspense, Sci-Fi/Science Fiction/Space Opera, Spiritual, Thriller/Psychological Thriller, Tragedy, Urban, Western

Genre (Fandom): Angst/Light Angst, Case Fic, Crack Fic, Crossover/Fusion, Dark Fic, Fix Fic/Fix-It/Deconstruction, Fluff/Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Podfic, Missing Scene/Gap Filler, Self-Insert, Shipping, Sickfic, Songfic, Whump

Length: Drabble, Ficlet, Flash Fiction, Short Story, Novella, Novel, Epic, One-Shot/Two-Shot/etc, Series/Duology/Trilogy/Saga/etc, Long, Short

Pairing: M/F - F/M - M/M - F/F - F/F/M - You get the idea. Also [Character] x [Character], Slash, Yaoi/Yuri (if people still use those...)

POV: POV Alternating, POV Multiple, POV First Person, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, POV Outsider

Ending: Happy Ending, Sad Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Ambiguous Ending

Diverse Characters: Gay Character/Nonbinary Character/Asian Character/Disabled Character/Autistic Character/Jewish Character/etc.

AU/Alternate Universe: (I do not have the time to list out Coffee Shop AU/High School AU/Canon Divergence/What-If/etc, I assume if you’re writing one then you already know to tag it lol)

Abuse

Adoption

Afterlife

Aftermath

Aged Up

Alcohol

Aliens

Amnesia

Androids

Angels

Animal Transformation

Anti-Hero

Awkwardness

Babysitting

Backstory/Origin Story

Band of Misfits

Best Friends

Betrayal

Blood

Bodyswap

Bodyguard

Bonding

Bounty Hunters

Bromance

Bullying

Canon Compliant

Character Development

Character Study

Childhood Friends

Children

Chosen One

College/University/Higher Education

Corruption

Criminals

Crying

Curses

Cute

Death

Delinquents

Demons

Depression

Destiny/Fate

Disability

Domestic/Curtainfic

Dragons

Dreams/Dreamscape

Drugs

Education

Ensemble Cast

Epilogue

Fanon/Headcanon

Father Figure/Mother Figure

Feelings

Feels

Fights

Flashbacks

Forgiveness

Found Family

Freedom Fighters

Frenemies

Future

Genderswap/Gender Change

Ghosts

Gods

Good Versus Evil

Gore

Grief/Mourning

Growing Up

Healing

Heartwarming

Heroes to Villains/Villains to Heroes

Holidays

Homesickness

Hospital

Hurt

I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping (A very legitimate tag.)

Imprisonment

Injury

Introspection

Illness/Sick Character

Immortality

Isolation

Jealousy

Kidnapping

LGBTQ/LGBTQ Character/LGBTQ Themes

Light-Hearted

Locked In

Loss

Love

Mafia

Magic

Magical Girl(s)

Major Character Death/Minor Character Death

Manipulation

Medieval

Medical

Melancholy

Mental Health Issues

Mentors

Merpeople

Mind Control

Military

Misunderstandings

Modern

Monsters

Morally Grey/Ambiguous Characters

Murder

Mythical Beings & Creatures

Mythology

Neighbors

Next Gen/Next Generation

Nightmares

Original Character/OC/OCs

Orphans/Orphanage

Out of Character/OOC

Parenthood

Past Lives

Peggy Sue

Pen Pals

Pirates

Platonic Relationships/No Romance

Platonic Soulmates

Plot Twists

Politics

Possession

Post-Canon/Pre-Canon/Mid-Canon/Bad Ending/etc.

Prompt Fill/Prompt Fic

Protectiveness

Rags to Riches

Rebels

Recovery

Redemption/Redemption Arc

Regret

Reincarnation/Resurrection/Rebirth

Rejection

Relationships

Religion

Rescue/Rescue Missions

Restaurants

Reunion

Revenge

Revolution

Rivalry

Road Trip

Robots

Roommates

Royalty

Sad

School

Secrets

Secret Identity

Self-Discovery

Self-Harm

Shapeshifting

Siblings

Single Parents

Slow Build

Soft

Spies

Spoilers

Substance Abuse

Suicide

Superheroes

Sweet

Sympathetic Villain

Teamwork

Team as Family

Team Bonding

Team Dynamics

Teenagers

Tension

Time Loop

Time Travel

Training

Trapped

Trauma

Travel

Undercover

Unreliable Narrator

Vampires

Villains

Violence

War

Weapons

Wedding

Wilderness

Witchcraft

Worldbuilding

xxx to Friends (Rivals to Friends/Enemies to Friends/etc.)

Zombies

ROMANCE TROPES

Battle Couple

Blind Date

Breakup

Confessions

Dating

Divorce

Dorks in Love

Drunken Confessions

Established Relationship

Eventual Romance

Falling in Love

Fake Relationship/Fake Dating/Pretend Relationship/Pretend Couple

First Kiss

First Love

Forbidden Love

Heartbreak

Idiots in Love

Long-Distance Relationship

Long-Term Relationship

Love/Hate

Love at First Sight

Love Confessions

Love Potion/Love Spell

Love Triangle

Marriage/Accidental Marriage/Arranged Marriage/Marriage of Convenience

Marriage Proposal

Mutual Pining/Pining

OTP

Pregnancy

Rarepair

Secret Relationship

Sharing a Bed

Slow Burn/Slow Romance

Soulmate/Soulmate AU

Tsundere/all of the other -deres

Unrequited Love/One-Sided Attraction

xxx to Lovers (Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers/etc.)

#tagging #archive of our own #ao3 #tumblr #tropes #trope list #tag list #tag ideas #writing #writing resources #toodles talks

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grainjew · 4 years ago

Note

Random ask time! Care to name ten fics, any fandom, that you have or plan to reread? (Not necessarily your top ten because top ten is hard but ten that you genuinely enjoy.)

hi lynse i can’t believe you slightly switched the ask subject from what you were contemplating sending in dms. yes i do care to do this!!! fics follow

these are arranged in literally no order whatsoever except vaguely the order I remembered they existed and tragically they will mostly not be readable for you lynse on account of us sharing fandoms basically never. but in any case!!! let’s go!!!!

A Professor and a Student - LeDiz - Pokemon Anime (Alola) - multichap, complete - Professor Kukui’s pov outsider on Ash, through interstitial set during the first season of Alola anime. This fic is the fic that got me into pokeani in the first place, and I have reread it all the way through at least once and specific chapters genuinely so many times. it’s good! it’s got so many fun reveals! it’s even got a surprise plot! if someone is in pokeani fandom though there’s like a 95% chance they’ve already read it, so it’s kind of pointless to recommend

Broken Rules and Consequences - Redring 91 - Doctor Who (All Eras) - series, ongoing i think - This is one that i’m planning to reread rather than one i’ve already reread: I first read it back when i was originally into dw, in like 2013, and honestly lynse the timing was probably right for me to have recced it to you back then. in any case i have a friend who vouches for its continued quality, and it was straight-up the only dw fic i kept up with for several years after i first fell out of the dw fandom. it’s a really excellent exploration of all the times the doctor has met their past and future selves, and i highly recommend it. it’s also very long, so watch out!

An Unexpected Greeting - kimirice - Pokemon Anime (Alola) - threeshot, ongoing - it’s a fic in the “cynthia runs into ash in alola and dumbfounds his entire class” genre and it’s a good one. my favorite one. i reread it whenever i want to feel serotonin in my bones. serotonin does not go in bones. whatever, this fic is such a joy, it’s pretty short, please read it if you too want serotonin in your bones on account of revealssssss

Phone A Friend - TheBigCat - Doctor Who (Seventh Doctor Era / Gallifrey Audios Era) - oneshot - this is another “reread when i want serotonin in my bones” fic. it really is amazing just how much joy can be stored in a single 1K oneshot, it makes me so happy, that’s ace’s space dad........... wahhh the au - everything’s fine tag on this one really carries it right into my heart

dreamt you a kinder future - Sixteenthdays - Dream SMP - multichap, ongoing - my FRIENDS forcibly got me into the damn MINECRAFT RP. this is all you will see of it on this blog ever because i do have SOME dignity left but if you HAVE gotten bodily dragged into caring about the block men yourself please do enjoy this time travel fixit about pre-plot Dream getting dropped into post-Doomsday era canon and dealing with the fact that his future self is evil and ruined all his relationships. its very good i reread the ranboo chapter regularly

The Red Coast - Maldoror_Chant - One Piece - oneshot - genuinely hilarious pov outsider on post-skypiea straw hats via some idiot bounty hunters who think they‘re easy prey. it’s a lot of fun and it took me three entire rereads to catch the punchline, which i am still mad about. please read this fic i am shaking my fist at it

Though She Be But Little, She Is Fierce - Izzyaro - Pokemon Anime (Kalos Era) - multichap, abandoned(?) - a few years after the kalos crisis, Bonnie sets out on her own pokemon journey. told through the eyes of her very alarmed traveling companion, who so incredibly doesn’t know what to make of her. yes, it only has two chapters and hasnt updated in years. i do not care. the chapters stand alone as oneshots and this fic has done so much for me. its like 90% of the reason i write bonnie the way i do its such a joy

Keeping a Welcome - Gramarye (ao3 | ffn) - The Dark is Rising Sequence - oneshot - did you ever wonder, gee, zeph, why do you write so much loyalty content? and why is it all Like That? well, the answer is that i read this fic at a formative age and imprinted on it like a baby bird, and then subconsciously was shaped by it for the next decade. genuinely it is SO good. it’s so good guys. guys it’s so good im going to cry just thinking about it. o a t h s ,,, wahhhhhhh gramarye is probably my favorite fic author ever i love their stuff SO much. so much. i am going to cry im telling you!!!!!! (also while I'm here I also recommend everything else theyve ever written, especially the Eirias Triad, which i have reread probably as many times as there are fingers in my house, and which is only not on an entry on this list on account of me wanting to keep it at one rec per author)

Nah - soomin - One Piece - oneshot - the straw hats have been stuck in a time loop of their entire lives for many, many years, and boy are they having a good time causing chaos. this is one of the only op time travels that i feel like accurately captures what would actually happen if luffy did a time travel, and i love it. they’re having so much! infinite retries for the best adventure ever!

Insomnia - tikitikirevenge - The Legend of Zelda (Majora’s Mask) - multichap, abandoned(?) - novelization of majora’s mask with a twist: instead of resetting the three day loop every time, link gets exactly 5 cycles, and the whole thing is a stable time loop. its true it hasnt updated since 2015, but it was my favorite zelda fic back in middle school and i still reread it every few years to confirm that it’s just as good as i remember: it somehow always is. and every time, i forget just how agonizing (complimentary) the link&tatl friendship slowburn is like dear lord does this author know how to write a slowly developing relationship hh i wish more people would read this fic it’s really just very good ok dont mind that its abandoned just before the snowpeak temple

#i feel very much like i am committing a grave betrayal with how few of my friends' fics are on here but my friends write things that cause m #e to have emotions. i have enough of those already!!! i dont need more emotions!!!!!#long post #recs #zephflix original #chatter tag #asks and ask memes #pokemon #pokeani #doctor who #sighs......#dream smp #i GUESS that tag has to exist on my blog i GUESS #one piece #the dark is rising sequence #the legend of zelda #majora's mask #i tried to keep these summaries short but i feel like they got longer as i got further down the post. whoops #sorry this took so long to answer!

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twopoppies · 5 years ago

Note

good morning! first i wanted to thank you for all of your fic recs, they’re amazing, and thanks to you I found some of my favorite works. secondly, i wanted to ask you if you know fics where Harry already likes Louis, or already loves him, and Louis needs to catch up. (an example is Where You Lay), i don’t know if i explained myself right, and sorry for any mistakes, but i’m italian! thanks in advance and i hope you have a really good day. and stay safe, please!

Oh, I’m so glad you like the recs! That makes me super happy, And your English is perfect, love! Nothing to apologize for at all. And yes, I know what you mean. Let me see what I can share…

Our Lives, Non Fiction by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 114K) this is, quite literally, the best fic I’ve read in years. It’s so well written, clever, funny, heartbreaking, and sexy. Its draw you in immediately and you’ll end up falling in love with these characters before you know it. Don’t miss this one.

The Section by bananaheathen (M, 11K) Listen... I just discovered this author and I LOVE them. If you liked These Inconvenient Fireworks, read this now! It’s got all of the OT5 friendship, humor, and banter, without the heartbreaking angst. I loved this one.

Fine Line by bananaheathen (T, 5K) Have I mentioned I love this author? The dialogue and banter in this is top notch. Just a delightful fic that feels perfect at 5K, and at the same time I wish there was 100K more.

Stranger Stars by shaylea / @sunshineandhisrainbows (E, 212K) It’s a really unique fic that takes place on a 6-week safari through Africa. It’s incredibly detailed and the author does a lovely job with the character arcs and with setting the scene. (this one is mutual pining, FYI).

maybe by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry (GA, 2K) I adore this short little fic. It’s gentle and moving and makes me feel so much. This author writes beautifully. Always. But not nearly often enough.

Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (M, 113K) Always a favorite author, this one is beautifully descriptive and moody and charming. I was anxiously waiting for this one from the first drabbles I saw on Tumblr. I loved the way Harry’s character unfolded and let Louis in, the way Louis made space for him in his life (and heart), and the way Harry’s character struggled with and eventually found a way to live and be happy with his fame.

my heart is breathing for this moment in time by usedtothebeach (E, 160K) Yes, there are quite a few time travel fics in this fandom and I really like a lot of them. But, for me, this is THE time travel fic and I adore it. It’s so well crafted and uses so many canon moments to drive the story home. You get such a lovely portrayal of both Louis and Harry and there’s a scene towards the end that makes my heart *clench*. Sigh. Plus, the pining in this fic is perfect.

written in the stars (that’s me and you) by @fackinglouis (E, 23K) This fic is sweet and funny and the story has a tense little twist. Plus, both Harry and Louis’ characterizations are charming.

Amor Victorious by HappyPrincess / @pattern-pals (E, 39K) My actual original notes when I first read this fic: “What even is this? Oh my god. I loved this. Beautiful writing, gorgeous use of description, a slow meandering trip through Italy, but never boring. Beautifully paced. Louis giving in is done so delicately”.

Never Mind the Furthermore by Anonymous (E, 7K) Harry pines as he continues his friends with benefits arrangement with Louis. I just really liked the dialogue, the OT5 friendship, the excellent dirty talk, and the very sweet ending.

buttercup baby by cabinbythesea (NR, 16K) Childhood acquaintances become adult best friends and fall in love (naturally). This one has a fair bit of foreplay and flirting before anything happens. It’s a fun, sexy, lighthearted read.

For Reasons Wretched and Divine by @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 95K) Really well written, angsty, emotional fic. I love this author’s ability to draw you in so deeply (and the smut is excellent).

Constant Debauchery by Blake (E, 19K) Yes, yes, I know. I’ve probably recommended this 10 times. But have you read it yet? Anyway…Edwardian setting, uni ABO (Alpha/Alpha) fic. Gorgeous mood setting, I’ve said before that it reads like an Merchant Ivory film looks…just gorgeous. There’s a similar sense of repression and uncertainty about flouting societal expectations, and a character who appears one way on the surface, but underneath is quite different. I love this one, I’ve read it a number of times.

Faith, Trust, and a Little Pixie Dust by @someonethatsfunny (NR, 8K) I read this one a few years back and my notes aren’t terribly helpful. But I enjoy this author’s writing in general, and I definitely remember it being a sweet fic with a sexy resolution to all of Harry’s pining!

Take Me Home (Country Roads) by Awriterwrites / @a-writerwrites (E, 87K) Probably my favorite of this author’s many fics. Set in rural West Virginia, this hate to love fic is funny, touching, super sexy, painful and features big city doctor Louis vs country boy healer Harry.

Talk Dirty To Me by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite (E, 13K) So….dirty talk is one of my favorite things in a fic. And when it’s done well it’s…god, it’s so, so good. And this fic does it so well. It’s simultaneously funny, and tender, and incredibly sexy. Dirty talk, friends to lovers, uni AU…what more could you ask for? Great writing? Yeah, got that too. Go read it!

Walk That Mile by purpledaisy (E, 150K) I’ve read this one multiple times and still love it. Their bickering is so realistic, their resistance to their attraction to each other is perfect, the way the author portrays all of their weird quirks and differences but still makes it believable that they’d fall fo reach other is such fun to read….I love this fic.

Tug-Of-War by cherrystreet (E, 63K) I read this one a while ago, so I can’t remember a lot of specifics, but this author is pretty much a sure bet. My notes on this one make me chuckle: “So touching. Tears. Great characterizations. Angst is heart breaking, but relatively brief. Smut is hot af”. Well, there you go!

No One Does It Better by nodibs (E, 50K) Oh lord. Get your tissues and hang on tight. Such well-written heartbreak. Happy ending, but you have to suffer first.

The Road Less Travelled By by freetheankles / @anymerrylilthought (E, 98K) Also known as “the lumberjack fic”, this fic is an instant classic. The author makes widowed Louis’ pain and depression so real and so moving. The characters are three-dimensional and complex and the well written sexual tension is finally relieved with super hot smut. (link is to a download)

love is divine by stylinsoncity (M, 26K) I read this ages ago, and my notes are useless, but I love the way this author writes in general, so I feel pretty safe recommending it. Plus, I love magical realism and pining witch Harry, so bonus points!

Empty Skies by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (E, 13K) I just started re-reading this the other day and it holds up so well. This author is always a pleasure to read. Their fics just are well plotted and the characters are nicely fleshed out. I loved Perrie as Harry’s bestie, the bitterness and angst is PAINFUL, and the ending feels well earned.

Don’t Let the Tide Come and Take Me by @kiwikero (M, 29K) This author always writes beautifully and does such a lovely job with their world building. This one draws you in and makes you feel deeply.

Your Name Is Tattooed On My Heart my mcpofife (E, 87K) I reread this one recently and it’s truly delightful. The characterizations are so well done. Harry is so endearing (I cried over his heartbreak). And the smut is both hot and really emotional. Love this one.

Learning to Breathe by youcomecrash (E, 110K) It’s been ages since I read this one, but my notes say “good angst and good first time smut” 🙈so fingers crossed. But it’s got a lot of things I tend to like –– Uni AU, footie, secret relationship…

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry (E, 137K) Oooh, this one is so good. High school Au, footie, enemies with benefits, so much sexual tension (and just tension), and complex characters. Another one I’ve read more than once.

The Finish Line (Is A Good Place For Us To Start) by LoadedGunn (E, 122K) F1 racers Louis and Harry. I really need to read this again because it’s been ages. But suffice it to say that this author always delivers with pacing, smut, and an exciting story. This time we’ve got race car drivers, great banter, and great OT5 friendship.

Promise Not To Stop When I Say When by becka, mediaville (E, 49K) Ok, read the tags because this has some pairings you may not like, but if you can handle that, this is a particularly filthy fic full of pining. And a lot of smut.

Counting the Steps Between Us by zarah5 (E, 25K) I honestly don’t remember the details of this one and the only notes I made when I read it were, “Sweet. I love the moment when they realize”. WTF does that mean? I have no idea. But I liked it enough to bookmark it once and Zarah is honestly always a sure bet. All of her fics are great.

Just Tell Me the Song and I’ll Sing It by myownspark / @myownsparknow (NR, 40K) This author is really something special. This is one of their longest fics and it’s just slow burn flirting and falling in love. Their relationship is gentle and romantic, plus Harry in a baseball uniform is a wonderful bonus.

once bitten and twice shy by @pinkcords (M, 19K) First of all, for a first fic in this fandom, I thought this author really did a nice job with their characterizations. I especially liked the way they captured Harry’s anger and humiliation and stubbornness. There’s a beefy epilogue as well which I haven’t had a chance to read!

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews / @gloriaandrews (E, 135K) Everything about this fic is glorious. I’m always struck by how well the characters are fleshed out, how their behavior lines up with their backstory, how ridiculously hot the chemistry is, and how agonizing the angst is. So yes, no shocker, I cried buckets. Thank god for a happy ending.

The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep by @helloamhere (WIP, 4 part series, mixed ratings, 128K) Amazing world building, complex characters, beautiful writing.

#Anonymous #pining harry #my fic rec #larry fic rec #i know there are lots more #maybe i'll do a follow up at some point

841 notes · View notes

tomatograter · 5 years ago

Note

Do you have a list anywhere of your favorite hs fics?

I suppose it’s appropriate I make one now! will prolly come back to add on at some point, but as it stands

HERE’S THE FIC RECS: (it is quite long, click the readmore)

Last updated Sept 10 2021 !

Perpetuity => https://archiveofourown.org/works/12835047

Written pre-epilogues, largely about mending damaged bridges after the game. I always mention this fic as what settled me back into hs as a fandom and dirk/jake

A Palate Cleanser => https://archiveofourown.org/works/21642637

The jake eulogy we missed on candy. it’s real good. (now with a podfic version on the second chapter!!!!)

It’s only a canvas sky

==> https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718544

Their guardians dead at the hands of the Condesce, growing up in the shadow of her slow takeover of the Skaian Federation, Dirk Strider and Jake English have spent their whole lives alone up until shortly before their twelfth birthdays.

Or: Dirk fixes a transmitter, makes a friend, builds a robot, and tries to communicate affection over distance to the barest possible minimum.

(A good mix of fluff/angst/yearning, captures early & friendship dirkjake REALLY well, a good analogue au to their canon upbringing!!)

Sburgatoria => https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726822/chapters/49242167

What if we were four lesbians stuck in an uncanny valley real housewives purgatory-esque-suburbia and we bickered then kissed 😳

Prologos

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23961157

“Sadstuck for the discerning jakeliker”

Magnesium Ion, Porphyrin Ring => https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787465/chapters/51988876

Jade + Jake exploration throughout their growing up years, the relationship they had to their guardians and to one another between split realities and time.

I Know What You Think Of Me => https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516589

You never knew you wanted vriska and jake to be friends but now…. you do! and they’re going to gut a mountain of salmon to get there. Hilariously masterful vrisrezi to boot.

What Happens In-Between =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240424/chapters/58409713

i KNOW you aren’t done with jaded fisheries observer vriska just yet and for that i’m thankful to say, we have a sequel, and dirk is in it to her great annoyance

Drive it home with one headlight => https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281412/chapters/45856705

The Hitchhikers Guide to Your Ex-Boyfriend ==>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747519/chapters/62875855

EXTENSIVELY ILLUSTRATED!!!! Post-canon fanadventure focusing on jake, brain ghost dirk, and a very concerned third party inhabiting jake’s brain that isn’t all too happy with the current turn of dubiously canon events. Still updating, very fun and smart.

The Four Kings, the God Thief, and the Black Diamond Pirates =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17886581/chapters/42220607

DIRK AND VRISKA. PIRACY. SONG. HOES (JAKE)

Sea shanties for Thots (Four kings sequel) =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210135/chapters/53028541

jake needs to adjust to his new life and occupation overseas, ft; more songs, more piracy, and schrodinger’s hoe. Extensively jake-introspective, told through his POV.

Song of the Pyre =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10875459/chapters/24161439

EPIC SCALE vrisrezi space opera ft. hardass legislacerator Terezi & outlaw Vriska being forced to work together after they sort-of-accidentally kill terezi’s shitty clown ex. Feelings are caught, trials are held, there’s a revolution coming. Delightfully written. Reads as pretty solid and complete despite the 19/21 chapters done - ACT 1 counts as a book of its own, ACT 2 is solid.

Pilot Light, Pale rapture (full series) => https://archiveofourown.org/series/1403233

“They want you on Olympus, they want you on a faraway star watching the planet turn benignly. They want the original Gods in the four corners of the earth, protectors in an invisible palace. “And the Witch sat vigil in her southern eastmost realm, looking down upon her descendants,” they’d say, “and saw that it was good.

You do not have an Olympus. You have a house that smells like burnt toast, because Davepeta did just that only an hour ago.”

Prospit kids + Really Good and Fun earth C shenanigans ensue. Incredible insightful exploration on Jade, her childhood, and mostly what happens after the curtains close and she finally has time to be awake.

After Meat, Aftermath. (full series) => https://archiveofourown.org/series/1420354

In one universe, college!au Rose lalonde takes barre classes. In another, arguably more relevant one, Rosebot peers into her life. this will lead to inevitable chaos. incredible rose + kanaya + vriska + jake + dirk focus and one of my fav AU’s.

*below are my favorite dirk-focused works:*

Detective Pony

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427119/chapters/5371283

At first I didn’t include this one, having taken for granted that everyone had read it already, but I think as of ‘21 the fandom is a bit different and not many have. Facts being: this is the definitive solo Dirk Strider story; seamless with the detective pony book dirk edits in homestuck-proper, deeply indulgent, funny, and cathartic, one might even say. Also an audiobook and a webseries, if that’s more up to your speed!

A Eulogy for Laplace’s Demon (After Meat, Aftermath spinoff) =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047735/chapters/47475769

A good jump-in point for AM,A but hugely more focused on dirk arguing with his own demons. Doesn’t pull any punches.

Dualshock Desertbloom =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18428552/chapters/43651733

Dirk wakes up in a scalding liminal space and splinters his beta self out of his body like an amoeba parting in two. It’s a Predicament. They have to learn how to cohabitate if they want to try to figure out what the fuck is going on, and Dirk can’t help but prod and poke around to learn more about his twisted-funhouse-mirror-self along the way. Really meaty character-study, some of my favorite dirkvoice (and brovoice) passages are definitely all over here.

House of Dirk => https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156126/cha pters/45530146

dirk and caliborn, in a sitcom, holding hands. nothing bad could ever possibly happen

Timaeus, Testified. => https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479223/chapters/46368625

“go crazy go stupid!!!!!!” - dirk strider, metamonster

*Fun / short / thoughtful stories:*

Two idiots at Homoville, N69, TX

==> https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130925

Dirk freaks out and goes on r/relationships to try and figure out how to mend the semi-relationship he has with his weird roommate. (hint: his name starts with J)

Light Without Effulgence

==> https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986289

Rose is having a writer’s block. Jake is bored in the middle of his family’s own vacation. They sit down to mercilessly pick at each other’s brains, and the results may surprise you (not clickbait)

Interrogating the text from the wrong perspective => https://archiveofourown.org/works/615521

(Calliope and Rose have fandom wars. Its really funny)

Witching Hour => https://archiveofourown.org/works/12620732

Eschewal => https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284384

jake goes ham

Dreamscapers => https://archiveofourown.org/works/22455073/chapters/53653849

Stygian blue =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946412/chapters/57588850

Terezi and brain ghost Vriska have a conversation. (illustrated!!!)

Bitter =>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30871334

Jaw-dropping JadeRose comic oneshot; meta, jealousy, crushes, and girls being a little off.

*FANADVENTURE CORNER:*

CHOICELESS HOPE

==> https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100313/chapters/68850048#workskin

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE.

You have been searching the depths of the FURTHEST RING for CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND, PRETEENHOOD NEMESIS, TEEN SWEETDIAMOND, and POSSIBLE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, VRISKA SERKET, for what may or may not have been THREE MONTHS.

Near the start of her search for Vriska, Terezi is offered a choice.

KITTYQUEST

==> https://mspfa.com/?s=32792&p=2

Centuries in the future, the daughter of jade harley and davepeta pierces together what it is like to grow up knowing your parents and much of your extended family are immortal beings. Incredible art, lots of really really fun cameos and incredible worldbuilding (Not epilogue compliant, barely credits compliant, remains one of my favorite extended pocket universes to this day.)

FAILURE TO LAUNCH

==> https://mspfa.com/?s=34750&p=1

It’s june egbert’s first night out! From the official TV programme summary; “Starring the one and only JUNE EGBERT! Who knows what shenanigans will ensue… Wild hootenannies? Late night pizza picnics? ROMANCE??? Tune in and find out on FAILURE TO LAUNCH!” this can only ever end well, right?

THERAPYSTUCK

==> https://mspfa.com/?s=36345&p=3

That’s right, buckos. The lot of you are going to therapy. Turns out after a member of the tight-knit god community (Sollux) decides to seek a little help, more shenanigans were sure to follow.

#fic rec #updated sporadically

552 notes · View notes

snkpolls · 4 years ago

Text

SnK Episode 66 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 244 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

RATE THE EPISODE 238 Responses

“Assault” was a total hit with the fans, with 93.7% of respondents rating it a 4 or 5. Nobody gave the lowest rating this week, and only a couple of people weren’t as impressed with the episode.

I wasn’t a fan of previous episode but GOD I’M BACK TO HYPE! This episode was so full of awesome scenes that picking just one favourite and one that made me most emotiona seems unfair

Incredible improvement. Almost reminded me of Season 1 with all the impact/shockwave flair at times

Was amazing

THIS IS THE BEST BY FAR AND EVERY CHAPTER IS FREAKING GOOD

It was a banger

One of the best episodes in the ENTIRE SERIES. At first i was skeptical because the cgi often kept throwing me off but i was PLEASENTLY surprised how fantastic the last episode was

it was awesome

So proud of MAPPA with what they've done so far! Appreciate them! 💕

It was breathtaking and MAPPA did tje manga justice!

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ACTION MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 237 Responses

Armin making his entrance by blowing up the harbor took the edge this week, with 28.7% most hyped up about the scene. Following closely behind with 26.2% of the vote is Eren using Porco as a nutcracker to eat the War Hammer Titan. 19.8% most enjoyed watching Mikasa fillet Porco’s legs, and 17.3% liked the scene where Sasha and Jean help take down Pieck and the Panzer Unit.

Jean vs. Pieck was epic!

Levi was so awesome! It was great hearing his voice again, just everything about him made my day. this episode was perfect <3

NUTCRACKEREN

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS MADE YOU FEEL THE MOST EMOTIONAL? 237 Responses

To counter the breathtaking action this week, some scenes also brought out our emotions. 25.7% were most affected by Gabi and Falco desperately calling out for Reiner to save Porco and help them. 20.7% felt the same pain as Mikasa as she watched Eren brutally kill another person. 15.6% were pained to see Armin’s reaction to his horrific action of destroying the harbor. At some smaller percentages, people were also emotionally touched by these scenes, in order: Seeing the Panzer unit’s pictures in their cabins, Porco’s desperate pleas for Eren to stop using him to kill Lara Tybur, and Reiner’s continued desire to end his own life.

Seeing hange onscreen again has added 100 years to my lifespan.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW EERIE DID YOU FIND THIS IMAGE OF THE WAR HAMMER TITAN? 232 Responses

Overall people weren’t too spectacularly creeped out by the haunting image of the War Hammer Titan at the beginning of the episode. About 45.7% of respondents feel they’ve seen things much creepier, while about 33.7% felt it was more close to the thing of nightmares. 20.7% were simply somewhere in the middle.

REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GABI’S CHARACTER, HER SEIYUU TRULY WENT ALL IN ON HER SCREAMS FOR REINER. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BONE CHILLING WAS HER PERFORMANCE? 228 Responses

Gabi’s seiyuu truly sold this scene and the fandom seems to overwhelmingly agree that she did a fantastic job, with nearly 93% of respondents ranking her performance a 4 or 5. Only a small handful were less enthused, finding the screams more annoying than impressive.

I’m usually a defender of Gabi, but Falco and Gabi’s screaming annoyed the f out of me

SOME FANDOM SPACES SEEM TO BE MORE POSITIVELY RECEPTIVE ABOUT THE CGI IN THIS EPISODE. WHERE DO YOU FALL ON THE SPECTRUM? 225 Responses

After much disappointment in the previous episode’s usage of CGI, people in the fandom are feeling a lot more pleased with it this week, with no one even ranking its usage as a 1. The majority felt that MAPPA did a good job, likely hoping that the trend continues.

I Thought the CGI Section in the opening bits looked incredibly wonky, But after that it was used well.

I've been fairly tepid on the CGI while acknowledging its necessity. However, this episode used in amazingly after I was a bit dissapointed with its use last week. Very satisfied with pretty much everything this episode.

DID MAPPA DO ONYANKOPON JUSTICE? 228 Responses

Onyankopon finally makes his appearance and the fandom is overwhelmingly positive about MAPPA’s character design for him, with just over 87% of respondents either stating they are super happy with the design or that they’re straight up starstruck and in love. Only a small handful felt he could have been done a little better.

Nailed it! Though I had to come back and see him in the rewatch. Was too focused on Hange and Armin.

I honestly don’t care as he’s a relatively minor character in the manga

They did onion coupon really damn well

ONION COUPON!!!

He is significantly more bad ass looking than I assumed he would be

He looks super cool but his voice is too soft.

He looks even more like Finn than in the manga, and as a John Boyega fan I think that's a good thing!

Onion

Idc about his appearance, hope his character will just be portrayed correctly.

MAPPA HAS AVOIDED KEEPING IN SOME OF THE IMPLICATIONS THAT ZEKE COULD BE WORKING WITH ANYONE BUT MARLEY UP UNTIL THIS POINT. WHAT DO YOU THINK - WILL ANIME ONLY VIEWERS BE THROWN TOTALLY OFF GUARD NEXT WEEK? 223 Responses

One of the joys for some manga readers when the anime seasons are running is seeing the way that our anime-only counterparts react to the story developments. One of the big plot twists next week will be that Zeke was working with Eren/The Survey Corps and people are eagerly anticipating the fan reaction to the revelation. 44.4% feel that anime only watchers will be totally thrown off guard and that MAPPA has done an excellent job of concealing this plot twist. 27.4% feel similarly positive about the fan reactions for this reveal, though a little disappointed there was a bit less room to theorize. 14.8% aren’t sure as they don’t really keep up with anime-only fan reactions, and a few either feel they’ve probably already pieced it together, or just don’t care.

The Jaw might be down for the count, but jaws will still drop next ep.

I've been watching reactions from anime only people for this season and some are definitely putting together correctly that Zeke is in on the plan.

I listen to an “Anime only” podcast Where are you they literally called Zeke working with Paradis, but I’m not sure about others.

I've already seen several theorize that Zeke is working with Paradis. The suspicious nature of his death in this episode clinched it for some of them.

Some of them will be surprised, but the ones who watch the anime more carefully and like to think about things most likely know that Zeke might work with Paradis.

MAPPA ADDED PICTURES OF THE PANZER UNIT TO THE INSIDE OF THEIR CABINS. DO YOU THINK THIS MADE THEIR DEATHS MORE EMOTIONAL? 227 Responses

A small addition, but impactful nonetheless. 53.7% felt more saddened about the Panzer Unit’s deaths after seeing how strong their bond with each other was (or, alternatively, how hard all of the boys simped after Pieck). 37.4% agree that it added just a little more depth to the characters, though it ultimately didn’t do anything to move them too much emotionally. A handful don’t care or were just salty about the addition in general.

Their screen time was short in general. It was a nice touch, definitely made me pause to get a better look and feel a bit bad for them.

That, and them screaming for Pieck as they get blown up :( amazing additions.

I gotta be honest, I didn't even notice until I saw this question. I was too busy screaming over Sasha being amazing. It's a nice addition though.

Yes. It shows that the marleyan warriors were not emotionless monsters, but they had their lives, families, friends and were normal people overall. I felt really sorry for them.

I didn't notice until I saw this question, but I do think it adds to the sadness.

I was upset by their deaths because they and Pieck were a team and looked out for each other

I loved to see it! It really added more to their characters. The entire Panzer unit being Pieck simps, that is.

They cut out the scene where the bullet actually HIT Carlo.

it just shows once again how complicated attack on titan is and how much their actions have consequences. no side is innocent

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW DISAPPOINTED ARE YOU THAT MAPPA CUT THE PANEL OF PORCO SANDWICHED BETWEEN BURGER-CONSUMING PIECK AND COFFEE-DRINKING ZEKE? 225 Responses

In the manga, we see a shot of Porco having a meal with Pieck and Zeke while he becomes distraught over the assault on his comrades. MAPPA omitted it, though for the most part fans didn’t really seem to care. Only about 21% of respondents felt something was missing without the small flashback, while the rest were indifferent or felt it never really fit in anyway.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU ABOUT THE INCLUSION OF AN EXTRA LINE FROM PIECK TELLING FALCO TO RUN AWAY? 228 Responses

As expected of the fandom, they agree that any new Pieck content is good content. Even though it was a small one-liner addition, the vast majority were very pleased with MAPPA’s scripting of this moment. Only a small handful felt it was unnecessary.

EREN USING PORCO AS A NUTCRACKER WAS SOMETHING THAT SURPRISED A LOT OF US WHEN THE CORRESPONDING CHAPTER WAS PUBLISHED. WHICH MEDIU, DO YOU THINK THE SCENE HAD A BIGGER IMPACT IN? 227 Responses

A rare occurrence, but the fandom seems to agree that MAPPA excelled at adapting this scene and made it even more impactful than it was in the manga, with nearly 50% stating that they preferred the anime’s take on this moment. 35.7% feel that the impact was of equal strength in both mediums, and only 10.1% still prefer the original manga portrayal.

I feel like the anime dragged it out a little bit and some angles were meh bc the cgi was more noticeable. I'll have to go back to the chapter to see how many panels were dedicated to the scene

Porco's seiyuu SOLD it.

I think both are pretty equal but hearing Porco scream and beg for Eren to stop made it a bit more nerve racking.

titan eren’s face during the nutcracker bit was legit terrifying in a way I can’t quite explain

The music, the voice acting, the scary CGI attack Titan. This scene was impeccably strong! I give it 100%

I felt more surprised in the manga because i didnt expect it, but in the anime porcos reaction made it more horrifying

Hearing Porco made it even more impactful

Ngl, I was much more grossed out watching it animated than in manga form. Just all that blood and the swallowing...*shudders*

Eren was absolutely in the right here

The swallowing noises and the weird thick blood was absolutely disgusting 10/10

PIECK AND JEAN ARE CURRENTLY WORKING TOWARD THE SAME GOAL OF KILLING EREN IN CURRENT MANGA EVENTS. DO YOU THINK SHE’S FORGIVEN HIM FOR HIS CONTRIBUTION TO THE ATTACK ON HER AND THE PANZER UNIT DURING THE EVENTS OF THE LIBERIO ATTACK? 225 Responses

Unrelated to the episode itself, but remembering that Jean was partially responsible for the deaths of people Pieck loved was something that had us thinking, and we were curious what others thought as well. 39.1% feel that Pieck would never be able to forgive Jean for his part in the assault, but is big enough to move on and leave it in the past. 25.3% don’t want to make a call either way, as Isayama hasn’t done much to explore this facet of her character. 14.2% feel she’s moved past it completely and has forgiven Jean for his role. Smaller percentages either felt she doesn’t hold him responsible at all, or that she will always resent him and is only working with him insofar as to reach her own goals.

It's war.

dont care fuck pieck

I mean there's no indication that Isayama has even considered this in my opinion so the answer is completely speculative. So like my answer is "She forgot and moved on" :D

She still has a pain in her heart after losing the Panzer Unit, they were her friends after all. But Pieck is smart and she understand why Jean did that. Also, the world is in fire so she doesn't have a time to think about it now.

The Alliance characters are not allowed to keep grudges (thought at least it fits for Pieck)

The scene with Panzer Unit was so powerful in anime that it detroyed all my Jeanpiku hopes I had after the last chapter :’) I think Pieck could come to an understanding and blame others more than Jean but I’m not sure if she’s ready to fully forgive

I think that Pieck doesn't hold Jean responsible, understanding that it wasn't personal and just counts it as a tragedy from the war.

Pieck seems to be really understanding character and full of empathy. She’ll forgive Jean as soon as he shows he’s sorry for what happened (and he probably really is as long as he hates the idea of killing people)

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 233 Responses

We’ve got a heavy episode coming, and a number of things to look forward to. As expected, 40.8% are most anticipating the scene where Sasha dies by Gabi’s gunshot. 31.3% are looking forward to seeing Levi confront and arrest Eren. 23.6% are most looking forward to the big reveal that Zeke was working with Eren all along. Only a small handful are looking forward to the Gabi and Falco content before they board the blimp.

I'm NOT ready for the next ep...

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON THE EPISODE?

This is where the fun begins both in anime only reactions and in seeing fantastic scenes brought to life.

So good. Chills everywhere. Watched it so many times and still getting chills. The 3 minute sequence starting from Armin blowing up the port up to Pieck falling from the rooftop is mindblowingly good. Perfection.

I remember being really sad when the WHT left the plot so quickly in the manga because it had the best titan design imo. I know we've seen her again in the recent chapters, but the WHT was even better with Lara seen controlling it. She looked so cool, calm and collected in that crystal the whole time. RIP Lara Tybur :(

Ost are awesome !

Thought it was the best episode of season 4 so far. They kinda gave Hange the mappa egg head syndrome in their first full face shot though.

It was phenomenal!! And really, if people still don't understand why Gabi goes off, they have their head in the clouds. Everything was so visceral and I genuinely felt fear for the warriors. It moved so quickly just back to back; I could taste the kids desperation.

I think ending the episode with Reiner transformed is misleading yet strategic since it will tear apart the audience in the next episode.

This was the best episode by far! For a long time I couldn't get over how awesome the attack on Fort Slava in the first episode was and it remained my favorite, but this episode potrayed the war so well and you could totally feel the terror of the war with them!

So, so, so, so good. I was surprised by how emotional I got over it. Mappa is really making everything hit so hard!

Loved the episode! I believe this adaptation has even improved on some scenes (like Armin's tranformation and Gabi's screams), the ost and voice acting give it so much more power and the CGI looks better than in previous episodes. Really looking forward to ep 8 and the little surprises Mappa will give us with it

This episode was really great, the 1st to get me truly hyped. I was very disappointed last episode because it felt very underwhelming was I watched it, so much so I didn't even want to participate in the poll last week because there was enough negativity about it out there and I didn't want to add to it. After staying away from others opinions and having watched this week's episode i gave 65 a rewatch and I honestly think it's a good episode, with small flaws here and there. I guess all the negativity can really affect how we perceive this adaptation. I realized I watched that whole episode looking for any moment mappa had messed up, moments that I knew people would complain about. This week I didn't and I enjoyed it a lot more. So even though it may not be like this for everyone, distancing yourself from all of the exaggerated "criticism" might just make you enjoy and appreciate it a lot more.

I still strongly dislike how the CG Attack Titan looks but this episode looked MUCH better than the previous one and was even better lit, IMO. Armin looked beautiful, the colossal titan looked amazing and Levi looked the best he's ever looked to me. JEAN! He looked so good and so did Sasha! I absolutely love the character design this season and everyone looked fantastic. Loved it!

makes me wish porco hadnt died

I think that I was so disappointed with the previous episode that I just lowered the bar. Either way I enjoyed this episode. I'm still very disappointed with the music choices and much they faded in the background even during climate scenes. But I did feel a lot better about the CGI specially since the barely used it in this episode aside from the titans. Oh man I cant wait the anime fandom reaction to Sasha getting shot.

The episode was much better than the previous one. I loved it. I loved the moment of horrifying silence after WHT was eaten. The lack of music made the scene more serious and dreadful. Gabi's seiyuu made an excellent work as well. I didn't know I was going to say that but I think that Armin is pretty hot. In the manga he still has his cute baby looks, but MAPPA made his appearance more mature. Now I feel jealous of Annie ;P

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 215 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

#snk poll #snk polls #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #snk spoilers #snk s4

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youarejesting · 4 years ago

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My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story?

Tumblr:

Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3:

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better?

All

Sexiest story?

Love Listening

Saddest story?

Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story?

Mall Santa

Most fun story?

BTS Among Us

Hardest story to write?

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that.

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing)

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history.

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts fic #bts author #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic 2020 #bts fic 2020 #bts 2020 #author 2020 #review 2020 #btscreatorscorner #castlebangtan

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ao3feed-erasermic · 21 days ago

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Holidate

Use the related link post to read Holidate on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/61002322 by Roya1Gir1 Holidate— Do you need a fake date for Christmas this year? Someone that will help your mom in the kitchen and talk sports with your dad? Maybe you need some that will impress your ex or your friends. No matter how big or small the request is, we got you covered. All our fake daters sign an NDA when signing up as we know personal lives are important. Nothing is worse than your mom finding out the date was a lie. Don’t forget! We aren’t just for Christmas, we can help with Weddings, Valentine’s Day, Parties and much much more! Are you ready to find your perfect fake date? Sign up today! So, the plan... 1. Get a fake boyfriend 2. Lay out all the rules 3. Get through the two weeks without anyone finding out 4. Come home and get my life together 5. Don’t fall in love Izuku blinked at number five. Don’t fall in love? That’s stupid. He tapped on the line but stopped right before he pressed the back space. Could he really fall in love with a fake boyfriend? Nah, that would be stupid. Right? Words: 2117, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M Characters: Original Characters Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki/Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou/Shinsou Hitoshi, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Ashido Mina/Sero Hanta, Jirou Kyouka/Yaoyorozu Momo, Iida Tenya/Uraraka Ochako Additional Tags: Number One Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Needs A Hug, Retired Hero Deku, Midoriya Izuku lost All for One, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead and Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Adopt Midoriya Izuku, Wingman Todoroki Shouto, dating apps, Texting, Worried Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, eventually, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Soft Bakugou Katsuki, Post-War, fuck buddies, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Suicidal Midoriya Izuku, Suicidal Thoughts, Depressed Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku Needs Therapy, Protective Shinsou Hitoshi, Angst with a Happy Ending, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Christmas Smut, Eventual Smut, Christmas Dinner, Parental Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Switch Midoriya Izuku, Switch Bakugou Katsuki, Love Confessions, Boys In Love, First Time Bottoming, First Kiss, Angstmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, what can go wrong?, I'm Sorry, I Made Myself Cry, What Was I Thinking?, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings Use the related link post to read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/61002322

#ao3feed #erasermic #eraserhead #present mic #aizawa #yamada #mha #bnha #Holidate

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songofsoma · 4 years ago

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Her Bleeding Heart

wayhaven week 2020 — day five: guilt/forgiveness @otomefandomevents

fandom: the wayhaven chronicles pairing: ava du mortain / cecilia beck

this is the sequel to her pale knight! which you can find here

read the full thing on ao3 (chapters 4 & 5 are the new ones :) )

Cecilia stared at herself in the mirror, fingers brushing over her throat.

The deep purple bruises had faded significantly, but the discoloration still lingered. As did the soreness. Between the brief pain and the resurfacing of the memories, she flinched and quickly withdrew her hand. Cecilia turned away from her reflection, terrified if she looked any longer, the pain of remembering would swallow her whole.

It had been almost two weeks since she had seen Unit Bravo. She had been back to the facility multiple times to see her mother and attend the therapy appointments Rebecca had set up. Admittedly, Cecilia had been avoiding the group of vampires. The thought of being alone with them had made her stomach knot in guilt-ridden fear.

In her heart, she knew that it hadn’t been Ava’s their fault, but that of the poisoned blood. Still, it had made the trauma with Murphy arise once more, even after she had tried desperately tried to swallow it down for months. She had been cracking before, but some places within her were shattered.

Cecilia moved from the bathroom, her fingertips trailing over a stack of old books on a table. The roughness of their covers grounded her, stealing her away from the memories threatening her.

The Agency had arranged for her to take some time off of work in order for her to recover fully. She wasn’t exactly sure what excuse they had given, but nevertheless, she was thankful. As much as she loved her job, it would have been just enough to push her over the edge.

She dropped heavily on to the old sofa in her living room, head dropping back against the cushions. At first, the quietness of her apartment had been a blessing. Now, it was a feeling of loneliness settling in the pit of her stomach.

As if sensing her despair, her phone buzzed.

Farah’s name popped up on the screen followed by a message:

Nat told me to give you your space, but I miss you and wanted to check up on you. Everyone here is no fun without you :(

Cecilia couldn’t help but smile softly. She and Farah had become incredibly close in their time together. Before the incident, they were constantly hanging out and plotting ways to subtly irritate the broody team leader.

I miss you too. Come over? I would appreciate the company.

It only took a few seconds for her to respond with an enthusiastic “YES.”

She chuckled, switching her phone off and tossing it next to her on the couch. It wouldn’t be long until Farah arrived. Luckily, her apartment was pretty clean so there wasn’t really anything she had to rush to do beforehand.

Her eyes fluttered shut as she breathed deeply, pushing away the nervousness. She had nothing to worry about and in her heart, she knew none of Unit Bravo would purposely harm her, but still, the memories lingered. They clawed at her mind, begging to taint her perception—Cecilia would not give in. She was better than this, she had to be.

Rustling sounded outside the door to her apartment. Confused, Cecilia’s brows furrowed. She knew Farah was fast, but she shouldn’t be here already. Surely not, right?

“Farah?” Cecilia called, standing up to head the door.

There was a panicked muffled voice from the other side accompanied by quick footsteps.

Now that made Cecilia hurry to the door, throwing it open. No one was there.

Stepping out into the hallway, her foot brushed against something left on her doormat. Her eyes widened when she looked down, seeing a stuffed bear and a bundle of lilies. Upon further inspection, there was a note attached to the flowers written in an elegant and familiar hand. All it said was I’m sorry.

The words made her stumble back a bit as she closed the door, clutching the gifts tightly.

Cecilia moved to the kitchen, laying the bouquet down mindlessly as if she were in a trance. Even though she knew it was Ava, it was still hard to wrap her mind around it. The fact of Ava going out of her way to buy her a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a stuffed animal brought a tinge of a smile to her lips.

She hugged the bear close to her, breathing in the unmistakable scent of Ava’s perfume that she had been wearing more often. It felt like she was really here with her. And Cecilia knew she wanted nothing more right then.

A knock at the door startled her.

Farah waltzed in a giddy look in her eyes. “Cece!” She squealed, rushing over to hug her tightly. “I missed you!”

There was a moment of hesitation from Cecilia at the touch, but it was enough to cause Farah to jump away from her, a look of regret in her eyes.

“Oh, I forgot! I’m so sorry, Cece,” she said quickly.

Cecilia shook her head, forcing a small smile to her lips. “Please don’t worry. I’m happy to see you too.” She took a step towards her, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Now, what movie are we watching?”

***

The warehouse was unusually quiet.

It was unnerving to Cecilia as she walked the corridors. She had grown accustomed to smiling and waving at other members of The Agency as she passed by. The halls were normally bustling with life as supernaturals and humans alike both darted around, all on a mission.

Now they were bare.

There were a few she passed by. They smiled and waved at each other and continued on.

Maybe things were different now because she had been happier the last time she had truly walked these halls.

Cecilia sighed, rubbing her arm as she was lost in thought on the walk to the living area. It had been weeks since she had stepped foot in that room. The last time had been the night when Ava had attacked her.

She paused in front of the large wooden doors, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she stared. Cecilia knew that at least some of Unit Bravo would be there and that they could definitely tell that she was hovering just outside.

What if she was there?

It was doubtful because according to Farah, Ava had been isolating herself from the rest of the team since that night. Even Nat hadn’t seen much of her which didn’t sit right with her.

Finally working up the nerve, Cecilia pushed open the door to reveal the eager faces of three out of four of Unit Bravo.

“Cece!” Farah jumped up from her chair excitedly.

Nat looked up from a book she was reading, a kind smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Morgan was perched on the arm of the chair and even she looked pleased to see Cecilia.

“It’s good to see you, Cece.” Nat set her book to the side to greet her friend properly. She kept some distance between them, just in case she was not comfortable with the vampires.

Cecilia walked over to her, pulling the woman into a tight hug. Nat was a foot taller than her which meant she had to bend down to hug her properly. Neither of them seemed to mind too much. Cecilia was just grateful to be wrapped in the comforting energy her friend always exuded.

After taking a few moments to greet the other members present, she couldn’t help but allow her eyes to wander the room, mindlessly searching.

“She’s not here,” Morgan said, noticing her absent gaze.

Her eyes flicked to the vampire, watching as a long drawl of smoke leaked from her lips. “Oh,” she tried to cover up her disappointment. It was a poor performance, one that Nat caught on to almost immediately.

“I believe she’s in her room,” she piped in, a knowing look in her eyes.

Cecilia smiled softly. “Thanks, Nat.”

Nat nodded and distracted Farah just long enough for Cecilia to slip back out of the room.

The walk to the hall that hosted the bedrooms for Unit Bravo felt like she was climbing a mountain. Not because of the twists and turns or the distance, but because of the building anticipation in her chest the closer she got. Would Ava sense her approaching presence and bolt? Or would she refuse to see her outright? Unfortunately, both were likely possibilities that were residing in her mind.

She reached a hand up, playing with one of her earrings as she continued on, lost in thought. Thankfully, there weren’t too many people out or she was sure she would’ve bumped into someone. The quietness of the facility allowed her mind to turn over every possible situation—and that was both a blessing and a curse.

Finally, she stood before the last barrier physical between her and Ava. Just like when she was about to enter the living room, there was hesitation as her mind was flooded with doubts.

She dropped her head in, defeated by the urge to see her, and took a moment to listen for any sign of life.

Quiet.

Squandering down bits of fear, Cecilia knocked on the door gently.

There was no reply.

“Ava?” She called quietly. “Will you please open the door?”

Still nothing.

Cecilia furrowed her brows, frustrated by the silence. Curiosity got the best of her and she twisted the handle, it was unlocked. Perhaps she could leave her a note? Her fingers brushed over the pocket of her jeans. The note held within suddenly felt heavy.

The room was dark as the lights were off and the curtains closed tightly. She had been in here before, but her eyes still swept around the room, fascinated to see the side of Ava she kept behind closed doors.

It was plain. A lot of neutral colors and hardly any decorations. What little décor was present looked to have been placed by the people who originally set the room up. Still, the space was painfully tidy and to a stranger, it would seem to be unlived in. But Cecilia knew better.

There were hints of Ava throughout the room.

A magazine about classic cars laid on the desk, the corners of pages creased where she had seen ones she liked. Her signature aviators were attached to a pocket of her grey coat that hung neatly on a hook. As she moved towards the desk, she noticed something was sticking out of the magazine. She pulled at it, freeing a picture from the confined of the pages.

Cecilia’s eyes widened in surprise. It was a picture of her and Ava.

She recognized it immediately. Farah had secretly taken it while Cecilia was perched on Ava’s lap, smiling up at her as she was wrapped Ava’s strong embrace. In this photo, nothing could harm her. Her arms wound around her was the only defense she could ever need.

Had she printed it out herself? How long had she been hiding it?

Even with the question running rampant around her mind, she couldn’t suppress the smile spreading across her face as she stared, wistfully remembering how happy they both had been that night.

A low groan and the rustle of blankets scared her, causing her to drop the picture back on the desk.

Cecilia’s eyes darted around the room, finally falling on the bed.

She hadn’t noticed the covered form laying there when she first entered, and she hadn’t made a sound until just now. Cecilia had really been snooping through her room the entire time, thinking Ava wasn’t there. Even though Ava was asleep, Cecilia still felt her face grow hot from the embarrassment her assumptions could have caused her.

Ava was tossing and turning now, mumbling things restlessly. She swore she even heard her name amongst the incoherent murmurs.

As she approached the bed cautiously, Cecilia noticed she had kicked off all of the sheets and they were now crumpled up at the foot of the bed.

Without thinking, she sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at the sleeping woman with concern. She debated on leaving. This was a vulnerable position for Ava to be in and it was no secret the vampire did not favor people witnessing her in such a state.

Cecilia ignored her better judgment (what was new?) and reached out slowly, carefully resting a hand on Ava’s cheek, her thumb running over the soft skin tenderly. “Ava,” she whispered, trying not to alarm her.

Even with the added effort of trying not to startle her, Ava bolted upright, her hand capturing Cecilia’s wrist tightly. The icy green of her eyes was ablaze with liquid fire as they scoured for an absent threat, her chest heaving as her breath left her in heavy pants.

Finally, her confused gaze settled on Cecilia, her eyes widening more.

“Cecilia?” She gaped, immediately releasing the grip on her wrist. “What are you doing here?” Her breathing was still ragged, and she looked a mess, but Ava was too surprised to move.

The words tumbled out before she could stop them. “I’m sorry, you were having a nightmare and—”

Ava raised a hand to cut off her rambling, shaking her head. “What are you doing in here?”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, her gaze moving down to stare at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. “Nat said you were in your room. I wanted to see you,” Cecilia said with a slight shrug.

Ava let out a long breath but made no reply.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” The curtness of the answer made her flinch back. Ava gave a defeated sigh. “You do not need to worry about me.”

Cecilia frowned deeply. “But I do, Ava.”

Her stare was venomous. “Then you are a fool,” she sneered.

She bristled at the comment as she stood. “This was a mistake,” Cecilia sighed, beginning to walk to the door. “I knew you did not want to see me, but once again I was a fool and allowed my heart to tell me what to do.” She tried her best to ignore the tears swelling in her eyes and the way her heart was breaking all over again.

Ava’s hand caught her waist to stop her. She hadn’t even heard her get off of the bed.

“Cecilia, I’m sorry.” She withdrew her hand with a sigh. Cecilia didn’t miss the way her hand flexed as it dropped back to her side. “I just…” Ava trailed off, looking unsure of what words to choose.

“I thought I had lost you,” she finally settled on a way to articulate her thoughts. “If I had hurt you again, I would have never forgiven myself.” Her hands clasped behind her back as she began to pace. The broadness of her shoulders was stiffer than usual, the thin straps of the tank top she wore showed off how tense she truly was.

Cecilia crossed her arms in obstinance, watching her silently.

“I have not stopped thinking about that night since it happened. What I did to you, how I injured you!” She only paused her pursuit of wearing holes into the floor to look at the fading bruises on her neck. Cecilia shifted her collar, suddenly self-conscious. “After Murphy, I swore to protect you and I failed. You were wounded by my hand. You are better off without me.”

Ava stared, expecting some sort of reaction—but the enormous eye-roll Cecilia gave was not was she had planned for.

“So this is about your pride?” She snapped fiercely, backed by the anger that had been boiling in the blood beneath her skin. “Your honor? Your duty?” Cecilia scoffed, shaking her head fitfully. “Have you ever stopped to consider what I want, Ava? Or is your head so far up your own ass that you can only think about yourself?”

The vampire’s jaw dropped as the words all but slapped her.

“How many times are we going to do this? Me getting hurt and you running off, blaming yourself for not ‘doing better.’” The last words were aided with air quotes. “You can’t save me every time, Ava. When are you going to realize that? What I need is for you to be there for me when I need you most! So why don’t you quit your pity party and help us catch the fucker who poisoned the Agency’s blood supply?” By the end, her entire body was shaking, and a weight had been lifted from her chest.

Ava’s eyes looked as though they may bulge out of her head. It was truly rare that Cecilia would get so angry. She usually was a sweet-tempered person. But she had had enough. If ripping Ava a new one was what it took to get through to her, then that was what she would do.

Cecilia took a step forward, noticing the wary look seeping on to the vampire’s face. “Please, Ava, don’t give up on this. I need you.”

Ava closed the distance between them, practically smothering Cecilia with the tightness of her embrace.

She all but melted into her arms, allowing herself to be held for as long as Ava would have her. God, she had missed her terribly.

“I swear to you,” Ava murmured into her hair, “I will do better by you.”

“Then prove it to me,” she whispered as they pulled away from each other, only for Ava to gently grasp her chin as she pressed a kiss to her lips. A sweet, long kiss—one they could both savor.

Ava’s fingers grazed her cheek to tuck a piece of dark hair behind her ear, hand lingering at her throat. Cecilia shivered, delighted at the small touches.

“I will, I swear.”

She smiled, satisfied with the answer. “I know.”

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ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years ago

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Don't know if you're into horror, but when I read your last post I couldn't help but think about The Descent and how when I discussed it with a friend from the U.S. he told me that they had a completely different ending for the U.S. release because apparently the original ending was too bleak and hopeless. And I was so frustrated, the twist at the end is one of the best parts of the film and sure it's very bleak, but it's realistic and the other one is just very final girl/jumpscare 'meh' in comparison.

[SPOILERS ahead just in case] The Descent anon again, just thought about how, in the end, the only difference between the endings really is life or death, but the character that survives in the U.S. release still went through some really awful shit and will be deeply traumatised from that. It really goes to show how superficial our reception of media is, as long as there's no death and we can have the slightest glimmer of hope, we'll grasp onto that and ignore the underlying implications of possible bleaker subjects that prevail in subtext even if the ending appears to be better only because no one dies.

Hi anon,

Unfortunately I’ve never seen The Descent. My relation to horror movies is full of contradictions because, intellectually, I find (good) horror movies absolutely fascinating, especially wrt how visual language can be used to create feelings of dread and fear or unsettledness, as well as to what they say about our current moment of cultural anxiety. I love listening to people talk about horror movies! But I rarely watch them because I struggle to psych myself up for them lmao. I’ve been meaning to watch Hereditary for so long, it’s a fucking joke. But one thing that I cling unto is that I never regret (unless the movie was really bad, lmao) watching a horror movie when I do--I really feel like I get to explore things that might not have been possible through other genres. We all have personal preferences, and those preferences shift and change during our lives, but remaining open to trying different things is part of how we can remain surprised by art and fiction and be reminded of different possibilities (*cough cough* which is why it troubles me when people admit to only reading the same types of fics over and over again and nothing else *cough cough*).

Your frustration at what people chooses to see as a happy/hopeful ending makes sense when we remember that the idea of what constitute a happy or hopeful ending in context is a shifting idea subjected to both genre and broader cultural conventions. The same is true of the evaluation of what constitutes a “good” ending. Trying to figure out an objective “logic” that would hold true for all works for all of humanity will ultimately fail. Many of us are probably old enough to have witnessed, for instance, in Disney-type movies from “they got married and live happily ever after” to other versions of what would really be considered, to contemporary audiences of these types of stories, “happy” endings. What I hate in our current moment of media analysis is that, at least in fandom spaces, there has been a conflation of a “good ending” with a “happy/hopeful ending” (whichever form a ending must take to be considered happy or hopeful). If you can understand that someone choosing a grim or bleak ending that does not fit thematically or narratively with the work for the sake of seeming more Deep is bad, then why is it so difficult to understand that sometimes a happy or hopeful ending does not fit thematically or narratively with a work?

#anon ask #not sure how to tag this #not mdzs

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weekendwritingmarathon · 4 years ago

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This weekly roundup includes fics written (at least in part) during the 1k1h sprints and/or the Weekend Writing Marathon events.

Fics are ordered first by fandom, then by word count from smallest to largest.

Finding Home by majesticduxk

Haikyuu!! || Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsuya || Mature || No major warnings apply || 6,885 words || Complete

Summary: Bokuto reaches his breaking point and finally leaves Tendou – it was well past time and he doesn’t feel sad at all, he has his whole life ahead of him! Although he shouldn’t be ready to move on quite yet, fate makes sure he goes straight to his best friends’ place. He knows it’s a bad idea until suddenly it’s the best thing that ever happened.

Other tags: violence (minor), cheating (in passing), panic attacks, friends to loves, dominance and submission, touching, cuddling, pre-Akaashi/Bokuto/Kuroo, submissive Bokuto, soft Bokuto

As I lay me down to sleep by majesticduxk

Kuroko no Basuke || none || General || No major warnings apply || 4,758 words || Complete

Summary: Kise is so tired. But being alone is so much worse. Luckily he has friends on his side.

Other tags: Hurt Kise, Exhausted Kise, Kise-centric, Kise isn't good at looking after himself, lonely kise, Protective GoM, really they are a found family, GoM have weird ways of showing they care, Kagami is dragged along, Mild Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Mainly comfort

And Kise Makes Five by majesticduxk

Kuroko no Basuke || Kise/Akashi/Kuroko/Aomine/Kagami || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 12,854 words || WIP

Summary: Kuroko is very happy with his mates. He is a happily spoilt and pampered omega, but lately something has changed. Lately he dreams of Kise in his bed. This is the story of how Kise made his way into Kuroko’s bed, and everyone was happier for it.

Other tags: alpha/beta/omega, omega!Kise, omega!Kuroko, possessive behaviour, marking, submission, scent marking, dubious consent, Kise is loved, Kise-centric

The Weight of Your Eyes by vexbatch

Marvel, AHS Hotel || Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton || Explicit || Graphic Descriptions of Violence || 3,607 words || Complete

Summary: Bucky and Clint, resident vampires of the Hotel Cortez in LA, have a little fun during, and after, their hunt for the night.

Other tags: cannibalism, necrophilia, vampire au, foursome, one night stand, death, established relationship, anal sex, subspace, D/s dynamics, sub Clint Barton

All Is Not What It Seems by @pherryt

Marvel, Elfquest || winterhawk, stony, leetah/cutter, strongbow/moonshade || Teen & up || No major warnings apply || 21,955 words || Complete

Summary: The Avengers are returning from a mission that had them out in space when their ship is pulled off course to a crash landing on a planet that was strangely reminiscent of Earth - if it weren’t for the two moons in the sky and the elves that lived in the forest. Tech seems to go haywire here, leaving half the team at a disadvantage when confronted by wolf riding elves who have never had cause to trust humans, and now, the Avengers need to find their escaped prisoner: Loki. Steve’s trying to keep the team together, Thor must convince the elves they mean no harm, Tony’s keeping secrets while looking for a way to get them home and Nat is busy matchmaking while Bucky and Clint just came down with a case of selective telepathy.

Other tags: Telepathy, Sending, Nightmares, Confessions, Near Death, Nobody Dies, Malfunctioning Tech, Crash Landing, Elves, Wolves, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, post winter soldier, post elfquest original quest, deaf!Clint, archery competition, Mental Health Issues, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, Truths revealed, Angst, Fluff, Implied Smut, stubborn strongbow, reluctant teacher strongbow, Names, brief mention of minor canon past death, bonding through shooting, change of hearts, Pining, Mutual Pining, double mutual pining, sci fi, Fantasy, Redemption, established leetah/cutter, established strongbow/moonshade

D&D (Dice and Dildos) by fpwoper

Supernatural || Castiel/Jimmy || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 1,160 words || Complete

Summary: Jimmy decides to challenge Cas to decide on their positions in bed: through D&D.

Other tags: D&D references, Kink Negotiation, Too competitive for their own good, Castiel and Jimmy are Twins, Twincest, Incest, Top Jimmy, Bottom Castiel, Dom Castiel, Powerbottom Castiel, Sub Jimmy

Memory Loss by fpwoper

Supernatural || Dean/Lisa, Dean/Cas (previous relationship) || Teen & up || No major warnings apply ||1,371 words || Complete

Summary: Dean has forgotten... everything, except that he's a dog walker now.

Other tags: Amnesia, dog walker au, ambiguous ending, Dean and Cas are friends, Dean breaks down completely

Weakness by fpwoper

Supernatural || Dean/Cain || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 1,403 words || Complete

Summary: When Dean woke up, turned a demon, with Crowley looming over him, his initial thought was related to Cain. SPN Kink bingo square: Total power exchange

Other tags: Demon Dean Winchester, Human Cain, Total Power Exchange, Humiliation, (Canon what canon), Mark of Cain Dean

Taking the edge off by fpwoper

Supernatural || Jo Harvelle/Anna Milton || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 1,836 words || Complete

Summary: Anna and Jo are engaged to be married and are going out for Anna's last dress fitting... but with a small twist.

Other tags: Edging, Established Relationship, Dom Jo, sub Anna, No orgasms involved, Jo is a Hardass, Wedding Dresses, Dress Fitting, Public Play, Vibrator

Loud, Louder, Quietest by fpwoper

Supernatural || Dean/Cas || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 2,745 words || Complete

Summary: Dean is being very loud and Cas just needs to gag him to make sure Sam doesn't see things he doesn't want to see.

Other tags: Dean is Loud, Gags, Overstimulation, First Time, Multiple Orgasms, Bottom Dean, Top Cas, Bunker Fic, Sam (almost) overhears, Switch Dean, Switch Cas, Dean might feel like talking about his feelings a little, but he doesn’t

The Pitfalls of Being Famous (chapter 40) by tryslora

Teen Wolf || Derek/Stiles || Teen & up || No major warnings apply || 3,126 / 176,840 words || WIP

Summary: Stiles is numb, and the words are gone. He's just so damned tired.

Other tags: Musician AU, Breakups & Makeups, Anxiety & Depression, Angst with a Happy Ending

The Pitfalls of Being Famous (chapter 41) by tryslora

As Above || 5,800 / 182,647 words

Summary: It's Christmas (and Derek's birthday) and everyone gets gifts, including the fans.

The Pitfalls of Being Famous (chapter 42) by tryslora

As Above || 1,897 / 184,527 words

Summary: Sometimes when it feels like the road is going nowhere, you have to make a decision to take an abrupt turn.

The Pitfalls of Being Famous (chapter 43 END) by tryslora

Teen Wolf || Derek/Stiles || Teen & up || No major warnings apply || 3,201 / 187,729 words || Complete

Summary: The new year is a time to let go of the past and move into the future.

Other tags: Musician AU, Breakups & Makeups, Anxiety & Depression, Angst with a Happy Ending

One Beat, One Life by tryslora

Teen Wolf || Derek/Stiles || Teen & up || No major warnings apply || 2,754 words || Complete

Summary: They had eleven adults and one child between two houses and plenty of outside grounds to run and play on, and they’d been stuck with each other since March. OR Stiles had no idea that Derek singing his words would be so hot.

Other tags: Musician AU, Proposal, Surprise Wedding, Quarantine

Have you posted a fic recently? Any active WWM participant can Submit your fic here by midnight EST Wednesday and it will be included on next Friday’s WWM Fic Roundup post.

#wwm fic roundup #haikyuu!!#kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #marvel #ahs hotel #elfquest #supernatural #teen wolf #fanfic

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digitalbounce-digitalsound · 5 years ago

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My in-depth analysis of why I left the Kpop fandom.

Please be aware, this may touch on sensitive topics.

As most of my followers may know, I have been in the Kpop fandom for many years (Since 2006 to be exact) which means I have seen a lot, A LOT, of shit. I have had nearly my entire life controlled by Kpop and by about 2010 I completely moved away from more normal music.

Since I started secondary school I was bullied for my taste in music, I never thought anything of it because as I still believe, music is music and nothing is wrong with safe creative influence and inspiration. But the thing was, this music, this fandom had me so deluded and so removed from myself that I didn't see it was destroying me, inside and out.

After I was in the fandom for around 4 years, I was getting more and more obsessed with kpop, keeping track of the idols, watching their MV's obsessively, hoarding albums and putting up high defences for when someone made fun of them. Up until 2019 when I dropped the fandom completely, I managed to spend over £4000 on Kpop merch, be it albums, clothing, food, concerts. It was bad and a huge waste of money.

The Kpop fandom is a toxic place to be with people constantly pushing you to like certain groups, with battles around which fandom is better, which group is better between fans. Fans will discriminate against you for the way you look, the way you dress. If you don’t meet their standards they will find a way to push you away. They are all entitled and many think that stalking and giving idols zero personal space is perfectly acceptable.

Kpop music has no real meaning to it and is completely lacking when it comes down to personal messages (Bar the ones that have been self-written by the idols themselves) Kpop is just as bland and emotionless as the people that listen to it as the fans attach meanings to the songs where there are none. They don’t see that all of the music is extremely generic about money, women, men, being in a relationship and looking perfect. It is extremely sexist, concreted in gender binaries that make quite literally no sense and don’t have any soul behind them.

I guarantee that many if not all the idols that don’t write their own material, hate their songs with a passion but have to put up a plastic perfect mask to hide it. There have been so many horrible things that happen inside the genre that fans just ignore. Pretend don’t happen and it is horrible.

Because of Kpop I ended up becoming disgusted with myself, Kpop made me see flaws that weren't there, it made me want to look "Just like my idols". The impossibly thin, obviously unhealthy idols, and I did, gaining body dysmorphia and an eating disorder to boot. It led to me becoming extremely unhealthy, I would barely eat and listen too much at the insults thrown my way which did nothing but make me more self-conscious.

The constant struggle between wanting to look pretty and not wanting to kill myself was extremely difficult to deal with. Kpop made me shy, it made me reserved and not want to talk. It made me aim for dreams in the wrong way. I wanted to become a translator since I was very small so that I could help governments converse with each other and maybe help countries understand each other. That dream was changed with a want to become a translator to "Translate for my oppas" and become a concert translator or a TV show translator. I want to do seamstress work on the side, originally I wanted to do it to make costumes for Broadway productions, maybe cosplay for characters as well. That dream too, was ruined by Kpop. Making me want to do seamstress work to make stage outfits for my "Oppas and Eonnies."

All of my dreams have been ruined by Kpop, my body too. To this day I still get confused about why I am doing certain things or why I am eating this or that because it will make me fat.

Because of the constant barrage of hate coming from my own brain, my own friends (Who consequently ended up liking Kpop), from my own family and people who I thought was close to me. I ended up thinking that the only way to escape from all of the hate was to kill myself. I became suicidal, I hated myself, I have scarred my leg so badly that I am scared to wear shorts. I constantly wore long sleeves to cover the marks on my arms, I turned in on myself and became scared to talk to people incase they bullied me or shouted at me. I grew more dependant on Kpop and I'm not proud to admit it but I ended up fetishizing Asian people, it was not a good time in my life, I felt like I could change my life, marry someone who could give me child on the inside of Kpop, it was disgusting but at the time, I didn't see it.

I had no one to openly talk to about what I was going through, nowhere to go but down at the time. I ended up doing performing arts at college, hoping that I could be recruited by an agency and meet my idols, be my idols, I thought I could get somewhere with performance. It helped, but not in the way I would have expected. I became more confident and even though I was still being bullied for my likes, bullied for things that happened in school, I continued. I kept at performance. started liking more Japanese Pop/Rock, I listened to my struggling brain instead of my aching obsessed heart and it led me to become friends with C.

She is into Kpop like me, she understood what I wanted, she understood the Asian fever, we became close friends, close friends very quickly. She lived near to me at the time and would invite me over for Kpop sessions, to have fun making Korean food, singing along to Kpop songs, to learn Korean together. At the time, I thought it was brilliant to have someone like me around but low and behold, I didn't see what she was doing to me in the meantime. I didn't know that she was controlling me.

She kept me interested with stories of becoming a teacher, this would have been the perfect way into Korea. It made so much sense, if I became a teacher I could get into Korea and live in the same place as them. Now and then I would get a small spark of realisation that C was not listening, that she didn't care about anyone but herself but I still ignored it. After I finished my Dance BTEC I decided to work for a while, gain money before looking more into becoming a teacher.

Something that you should know about me is that I am a very dependant person. Due to years of being bullied and shouted at, being constantly told I'm wrong and stupid, I rely on other people to know when I have done good, to know when I can celebrate without it coming off as me getting excited over something insignificant. I rely a lot on other people for my happiness. Emotion isn't my strong-suit so I have to surround myself with happy people who can help me see that I am a good person, who can help me with how to display emotion in a normal way.

C did not seem to realise this throughout our whole friendship and would never try to help when my emotional state started dropping, she wouldn't help me understand what the correct amount of emotion is, what grade is good and what isn't. We started a higher education course together, C basically clinging to me but my dependant ass didn't notice and clung back since she was the only other person who liked Kpop that I knew. During the course I had time to think about what I actually wanted to do. Being part of the English literature course made me remember my dream of translation, in the psychology course I learned more about myself, about how my anxiety works, how my manic depression effects my state of mind. I learned about so many different and interesting things that my brain started to click, I started to realise that I didn't like Kpop, I was obsessed with it.

I was obsessed and infatuated, Kpop was my unhealthy coping method which I didn't see. Kpop was the thing that was hurting me the most. At this time, I was still unable to let go. I still couldn't stop myself. When we applied to Universities somewhere in the back of my head my brain was telling me to apply for another course, and I did. whilst C applied for teaching courses and Korean I applied for nearly entirely teaching and Korean courses but snuck in an application for Japanese and International Business.

I felt like I had to sneak at that point because of her becoming overbearing and controlling, making me feel like the only place I could be was right behind her, following her the whole time.

In some fucked twist of fate me and her got into the same university, her on a Korean and tesol course and me on Japanese and Int Business. The small light in the back of my head was still telling me that it was still twisted, that I should not be how I am. That obsessing over Kpop isn't right but I still didn't listen, thinking that Kpop was the right place to be.

I should have seen what she was doing to me when she came to my Bass Practice at one point and heard me play only to weeks later suggest I don’t bring my Bass to Uni as it would “Distract me” yet she brought her PlayStation. She also tried to deter me away from normal music both at the time and during my time around her at University.

Now, I would never try to fully get rid of that time in my life, I would much rather just ignore it as I made many great friends through Kpop (C not being one of them) and I had a lot of fun at the concerts I went to.

Funnily enough, it was religion that actually jogged me out of this freakstorm called Kpop. I always understood the idea of a higher power, of something more than chemicals but less than a "god" It ended up with me finding Satanism (Laveyan) I realised that Religion is only as powerful as you make it. Obsessions, whilst good, are bad in large quantities, you must indulge yourself but too much indulgence leads to greed which is exactly what happened to me. I got too greedy and neglected the rest of my life.

It started small, I would listen to more heavy metal (thinks like Rammstein and Slipknot) and would practice bass more, listen to Kpop less and work on my course and my grades. Of course this slightly strained my friendship with C, I still listened to Kpop, went to the events at the uni, had a fun time at most of them. It wasn't until mid-year that I started seeing the error of my ways.

We went to another Kpop club night that was part of the uni. Because I was getting more used to normal music I could see people staring more, glancing at us with disgust because we knew older songs, because I wouldn't dance for certain groups. It was a small wakeup call, the feeling of being judged and bullied yet again by people nearing on 3 years younger than me was just a pain.

C had pointed a guy out to us during first year, his name is David, he is Korean and was a little bit of an ass (which was understandable due to the amount of Koreaboos he has had to deal with) I did think he was cute, he was a nice guy, liked music I liked but I was not attracted to him (Like I would have been when I was under that disgusting influence) so I just wanted to be his friend.

It started kicking off one night when C got upset over a what David thought was a joke, they both argued and shouted, I ended up as a go between, figuring out what happened, defending C and stopping David from hurting anyone. C took this as me taking David's side, proceeded to not listen to me, make me upset and with my horrible control over emotions, I started having a panic attack whilst shouting at her. She hugged me during my panic attack (A big no no because she was restraining me and giving me physical contact which I hate. Which she should have known being friends with me for 6 years) that made me pass-out, hit my head and get sent to the hospital with a concussion.

I had to pretend it wasn't her fault even though it killed me to do so. During my night in the hospital she managed to make it about her which really upset me. I ended up hanging around with my classmate/friend M after that. M was nice, she listened to me, her and E helped me realise that Kpop isn't all it's set up to be.

After that it went down hill with argues popping up a lot and for me, no escape since we lived together. I started getting disgusted by the Kpop nights with how obsessive and OTT the Kpop fans were, how horrible they were too. It all snapped one day when I just got my results back for an essay which I got a 1st in, I was over the moon but yet again, didn't know if it was good or not. When I showed people for confirmation that I could be happy I was met with jealous but very happy responses apart from C. The one person who was basically my jailer, who told me when it was okay to be happy or not, she responded with "Oh that's alright then I guess." and brushed it off like it was nothing.

It was then that it hit me she has been manipulating me for years, not giving me any real emotions to show. We were friends for 6 years and at that moment, all of the times she brushed me off or never let me talk, talked over me to speak about herself, it all came back. I was so disgusted and upset that I just stopped talking to her, I was too angry to talk to her and was worried that I may hurt her if I do talk.

She took offence to my silence and called me names, tried to force me to talk to her (Which is also bad because I do not react well to forced confrontation and most of the time lash out both physically and verbally) so I kept ignoring her to the point I felt too threatened to leave my room. It was horrible. I wasn't until she sent me a message telling me to act like an adult that I flipped.

No one, and I mean no one, calls me childish and gets away with it. That is the number 1 way to piss me off and get me to immediately cut ties.

I put in an application to move with the Uni due to being under threat and feeling unsafe. They moved me the next day. Whilst She was still in the flat, she didn't even notice me moving out. I was so disgusted with that.

After that, I met my new flatmates, none of them liked Kpop, they introduced me to nice music, better music which actually made me feel good, not infatuated. Happy. I could talk to them more about normal things. because of the lack of the obsession, my grades went up, I started making friends easier, my confidence went up.

After getting back into normal music, i started to realise how low-quality Kpop actually is. How disgustingly gendered it is and how sexist it is. Kpop ruined me but normal music made me realise who I am and how to become that person I always wished I was.

The only music I strictly don't listen to now is Rap, Kpop and Top-Chart Pop music.

Currently, I am a university student working towards my dream of becoming a government translator. I have prospects to work in Japan after I graduate and I am absolutely ecstatic about that. I cut out so many bad friends and managed to make myself feel more human again just by getting rid of a single music taste from my life.

-Killian.

(If you’re going to spam me with hate and try to whine about how “Not all Kpop fans are like that” or “Kpop isn’t bad, you’re just stupid” and shit like that then you are just proving my point. If you come at me with a valid argument and actual valid points, I will explain my opinions and my side of the argument.)

BASICALLY, TREAT ME HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.

Don’t be an asshole because I will just be an asshole back.

#personal #friends #fake friends #kpop #toxic friendship #toxic fandom #toxic music #Korean pop #koreaboo #music

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