#i know it's past new years for a lot of timezones

[madeline-kahn]

10 Favorite Movies of 2023

[citrusy-lemons]

meet-cute

tasm!peter x reader (university au)

summary: you're late to your class and someone's left a skateboard on your path. the owner of the skateboard has very brown eyes.

w/c: 0.8k

author's note: um, hi. this is the first thing i've written for peter parker (i know, shocking, i mostly read about him) so i'm not sure whether i've captured his essence, but i tried. also i know it's a bit cringey but i started writing it in the reader's pov and i couldn't change it to peter's in the middle like i wanted to so, i guess, next time. i hope you like this! constructive criticism is encouraged, please be nice :)

you had not imagined your first day of university to go this way. it was a cloudy day, pleasant and not too windy. you were hoping to make it to class a few minutes early and have everything set up before the professor arrived. 

but instead, you were late, you were not organized at all, and you were panicking. all because your stupid alarm hadn’t gone off. why? because you’d forgotten to change the timezone in your phone. moving to the new city had not been easy and now you were super late for your class.

cursing yourself for your stupidity, you were hurrying across the campus, you weren’t sure where your class was, but you were hoping that you’re walking in the right direction. 

checking your bag, hoping to god that you’d grabbed the right books on your way out, with a cup of coffee in your other hand, you awkwardly jogged across the campus to the building where you hoped would be philosophy by mr. jackson. 

you were in the midst of congratulating yourself on successfully having the correct textbooks in your bag when the earth shifted. 

okay maybe that was a bit dramatic but that was what had happened to you. the earth hadn’t shifted, but you’d fallen on your butt because someone had left a skateboard lying in the middle of the walking path. 

thankfully, your coffee hadn’t spilled but your books sure had. looking up you found a brown-haired boy bashfully kneeling down and start collecting the books, profusely apologizing.

"-really sorry, are you okay? did you break anything? i broke my ankle a couple of years ago but i was just being stupid, oh god did you break your ankle? i hope you didn't, that hurts a lot. i'm so so sorry, are you okay?" he finished, turning his brown eyes on you in concern.

he looked very... soft. he was wearing a brown jacket and a navy blue zip up over a light blue tshirt. his headphones were hanging out of the neck of his tshirt. he looked like he smiled a lot. his brown hair was ruffled, his brows furrowed and you realized he was still waiting for your answer.

"i dont think i've broken my ankle if that's what you're worried about," you sat up. your butt was sore, but other than that you were okay.

"okay, that's good, that's a start, anything else broken?" he bit his lip, and you tried not to stare at it.

"no, doesn't feel like it," you took a breath, and looked away from him, towards the guilty board, "why don't you explain why your skateboard was just lying there?"

he helped you up, your coffee was still intact, you dusted yourself off.

"oh, uh yeah, again, i'm really sorry, i was checking my schedule on whether philosophy was right now or in an hour and i didn't realise it had rolled away from me," he did look very guilty, his frown saying as much.

he returned your books and you stuffed them in your bag which was lying on the ground. he was still looking at you.

"be careful then," say something clever, why wasn't your brain working?

"i'm really sorry," he offered, why was he still looking at you?

he picked his own bag up from the ground and looked away, grabbing his skateboard too.

you blinked.

"i think philosophy is right now,"

he looked at you again.

"which reminds me," you walked past him, fast. almost running, looking straight ahead.

philosophy is right now and you are very late.

"um, hey!" you heard him call out and turned around, still walking. he was facing your direction, looking at you again.

"philosophy by mr. jackson?" he asked, his skateboard in one hand and his brown bag slung across his back. did he really like the color brown?

"yeah," you called back, hoping he didn't have the same class as you.

"his classroom's that way," he pointed his thumb behind him.

goddamnit.

you stopped and started walking in his direction and he joined with you as you went past him. he took the hint that you were late and didn't really feel like making conversation. you tried not to visually show your panic but he seemed like a good observer.

you both reached the classroom (it was the first room in the building how could you have missed it?), and saw that yeah, you guys were very late.

the classroom was full, and a middle aged man was already talking to the students. professor jackson noticed you both before you had a chance to say anything.

"ah late on the first day, not making a good impression mr. and miss...?"

"peter- uh parker, peter parker," the boy next to you said.

you introduced yourself and mr. jackson let you both get to your seats without further embarrassment.

you sat down, pulled your textbook out and tried listening to what the professor was saying.

you looked for him and found peter parker's brown eyes already on you.

[patroxlos]

home base . ch4

"friends who sleep on call with each other" - 2.4k words

ultraman: rising (2024). kenji sato x reader

master post. ao3 link.

previous: ch3. "friends who believe in mpreg"

next: ch5. "friends who fuck things up"

With his dad back to help him with the Baby, Ken needs to call you to check if you are okay.

You nearly fall back into old habits. ---

Ring…

Ring…

One thing Ken loves likes appreciates about you is that no matter the timezone or how busy you are, you always pick up the phone for him.

Ring…

Ring…

Sorry, your call is not—

Okay, so he exaggerates sometimes.

Ken flops on his bed post-shower, hair still damp as he throws his phone to the side. Mina flits around nearby to ensure that he finally sleeps tonight while his dad watches over the baby in the basement. And he is trying his best to. His joints are begging him to succumb to his fatigue, and he can barely keep his eyes open. Yet, he still lay awake. He knows what he needs.

Mina worries like a mother hen, hovering over the bed. “If you would like, I can run one of the simulations instead if she won’t answer,” she offers.

“No Mina, it still makes me feel a little creepy,” he grumbles.

Her mechanical whirring grows a bit louder. “It would just be for a few minutes. No one has to know.”

Okay, tempting. “...Can you run a quick one?”

Before Mina could start up the projector, his phone lights up with a familiar ring tone. He never dove so fast to answer a call.

His phone nearly slips out of his grasp as he fumbles to press the green button—

You are greeted by a freshly showered Ken Sato through the video call. You sit up straighter on your bed as you blink, bleary.

“Hey,” his relief leaks through your phone speaker. Though it is a bit dim in his room, his camera still caught the crinkle of his eyes as he saw you. “You’re okay. I saw in the news you got picked up by a—”

“You ever heard of a shirt?” You cut him off.

“You know I don’t sleeping with one.” He chuckles when he sees you roll your eyes.

“Whore. No wonder you’re knocked up.”

“Think about who you are slutshaming.” You see him ease into his bed, hearing his soft yawn as he lies down on his left side. “Stress isn’t good for our baby.”

“You know, you don’t have to baby trap me into staying, as the gossip mag claimed. Our fight at the Yakisoba place last night wasn’t the end of the world.” That fight felt worlds away now given all that happened to you in the past few hours.

Ken laughs nervously. “Honestly, I was scared that the article ruined our friendship even further.”

You  lie down on your right side and put your face close to the camera, eyebrows scrunching. “Worse things have been written about us.”

“Never a pregnancy though.”

“That one article about me, claiming I was double-timing you and Yuzu, was a lot worse.”

“I still don’t get what you saw in him,” he grunts. “And will you stop calling him Yuzu? He publicly broke up with you.”

You aren’t stupid. You know exactly why Ken hated your most recent former boyfriend, Yuzuru Hanyu. Hell, Ken used to respect the guy so much as a fellow athlete until you started dating him. He does not have to say it out loud for you to know the reason. He knows you know. Neither of you have ever addressed it.

“It’s been a year, it was mutual, and he’s still my friend,” you point out as you adjust your covers over your left shoulder, a flash of deep red seen briefly.

“Yeah well you tell him— woah wait, hold the phone up to your arm.” The sudden urgency of his request nearly jolts you awake.

You bury yourself into the covers a bit more. “It’s fine. Doesn’t really hurt.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

“I thought this was a sleep call, since the last time you asked for one was three weeks ago. You look like you haven’t had a good night’s—”

“Can you stop changing the subject and show me your arm?” He snaps, his fatigue making him irritable. A drop of water from his damp hair hits his camera, which he promptly wipes away. “I called you because I heard you were grabbed by a kaiju.”

“So you don’t want me to help you sleep? You always tell me you pass out like a baby when I help.” You try to lift the mood but he wasn’t having it.

“Arm. Now,” He scolds, like you are a dog.

You scoff at his tone, but you brought your left arm from out under the covers. You use your mouth to tug up your sleeve as you held your phone with the other hand to show him the fresh, angry bruisings imprinted on your skin.

“Oh god—”

“It’s just from when that tiny kaiju picked me up. It squeezed me a little bit but I’m just glad its claws didn’t scratch me.” You push your sleeve back down.

“I’m so sorry.” For some reason, his apology sounds so personal.

“It’ll be fine,” you try to soothe him through the call. If you two were together in person, you would have reached forward to squeeze his arm. “It is going to fade away in a week. I got it checked too before I went home, nothing was broken. I’m still here.”

He mumbles something to himself, and you strain your ears to hear a guilt-filled this is all my fault. You don’t really understand what he means by it, but perhaps it is just grief making him say strange things. It is hard when those you cared for get taken too soon by a monster. A multitude of families all across Tokyo struggle to cope with the losses they have sustained, and the entire city lives in fear that it will happen to them.

“Kenji? Are you alright?” You ask slowly. His face is blank, save for the misery that shone in the crease of his forehead.

He closes his eyes, trying to relax his face. “...Can you just keep talking…”

“You wanna sleep?” You start thinking about what to talk about this time. Often, he likes hearing about your day the most. However, not much has happened to you today save for the incident.

He nods.

“Okay.” You talk about the company and the work you have been doing— how often times it feels like a 24/7 shift. You know he only wants to lie down and listen, so you warm up to give a lengthy discussion about numbers and recent data points in market research that you found interesting— maybe it will bore him to sleep. His even, measured breathing tells you that he is close to. While there is so much for you to talk about your work, you begin to start running out of things you actually want to discuss. You are also getting sleepy, and you even have to rest your hand holding your phone on the pillow since your fingers are getting too tired to secure it in your grip. You are about to draw a blank, but your mind wanders to when you were stumbling on the roof of a building earlier that evening.

Oh, you think. Maybe he will find it a little funny. Haven’t messed with him in a while.

“Also, is it just me or has Ultraman gotten hot?”

You startle when his eyes suddenly shoot open. “I’m sorry— who?!”

“The 40-meter superhero?”

“Him?!” His voice is alert but hoarse, his throat pushing out words amidst his drowsiness.

You laugh freely at his reaction, bringing up your thumb to your mouth to bite a little on your nail as you explain yourself. “I dunno, he… I never really thought about him like that, being a giant and all but maybe it is because I never came close or spoken to him before…he saved me earlier from that kaiju and I kinda found it hot? Just being so tiny in his palms—”

“Please stop talking.” You have never seen such a conflicted face on him before.

“Why? You jealous he has a killer waist?”

“I can tell you that that is the furthest thing I am feeling right now.”

“You know he knew my name too,” you continue, failing to notice the way he freezes. “Do you know the theory that Ultraman is like a human guy when there aren’t any monsters? I bet he knows me from the internet or something,” you giggle.

“Yeah, of course he knows who you are…Who wouldn’t?” You mistake his nervousness as sarcasm.

Can’t he just let you have a little celebrity crush? “Kenji, it’s not like I’m going to fuck him. He’s all smooth down there and I don’t even know if his mouth works like that.”

“Can we talk about anything else? Please, I can’t fall asleep to this…” He grumbles with half of his face buried in his pillow, strands of hair sticking to his forehead.

“Maybe you can’t sleep because your pillow is all wet from your hair. Should I come over and teach you how to dry it properly?” You joke.

“Yeah?” He rasps, eyes heavy. “You wanna come over?”

He is nearly about to pass out, fatigue causing his mental filters to lower. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.

That does not stop your throat from going a bit dry.

You were quiet for a bit too long. “Kidding,” he mumbles.

You let out the breath you were holding, looking away from the screen.

“Too much stuff is going on,” he continues. “My dad is here and I’m struggling to adjust to the fact that he might stay with me for a while.”

“You’re speaking to Professor Sato again?” While you are hopeful that this will be a step toward the right direction for the father and son, you worry about what exactly is happening in Kenji’s life that he cannot tell you. You cannot imagine what would bring him to ignore his closest friend in favor of confiding to his estranged father. Perhaps it was a personal family matter.

He sighs, signalling that he is not in the mood to talk about it–he never is–and you let it go.

“I know you said that you can’t put in the effort right now to maintain our friendship, but,” you pause, unsure if what you will say will help. “I miss you.”

His shoulders shake as he laughs. It fills your bedroom. “Fuck you have no idea.”

“It’s just been some time since you have called me for sleep help.”

He does not respond immediately, but you clearly see how deep his eyebags are— or actually, have been, the past few months. “You told me…to call you when I need someone. I really…really need you… I wish you were here…”

The call falls silent. It strikes you suddenly how your bed feels emptier than normal.

You wonder if it is worth the risk to fill it with one more body.

.

..

…

“Come over.”

His breath hitches.

You decide to say it a bit clearer, surer. “Come over. It…It doesn’t have to mean anything. We can just cuddle. I think…I think you need it.”

“I…” He clears his throat. “I thought you said—”

“It’s just one night.” You have no idea who you are trying to convince, but a dull ache begins to rise in your abdomen.

He slightly narrows his eyes, a little distrusting. “I don’t want to do this if you’re only doing it to make me feel better.”

“Kenji, I miss you.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I can send a car to pick you up if you’re too tired to bike here. I’ll let you go by the morning,” you try to entice him further. “Kenji…do you need me to tell you how much I need you? Because I do.”

He swallows loud.

“I need you.”

“Fuck— okay, I’ll be there.” he places down the phone so you are met with the view of his ceiling. You hear frantic movements in the background, a jingle of a belt buckle as he hurries to put on his pants.

“I’ll send the car—”

“Not fast enough. I’m awake enough to bike.” 

You couldn’t stop the grin from forming on your face. “This is such a bad idea.”

“Hey, no take-backs,” he barks to the phone from a distance. “We’ll deal with it in the morning.”

Once he finally picks it up again, you see he is dressed in a white shirt and leather jacket. The chain around his neck catches in the light. You slightly nibble on your bottom lip.

“I’m just coming over to inspect your bruises,” he gruffly justifies.

“Mmhm.”

“And I want to make it up to you for how MIA I’ve been the past few months.”

“Just how will you do that?” You let your voice drop slightly, and he groans at the tone.

“Nothing like what you’re thinking, perv. You said a cuddle is fine, and I’m too banged up for anything else.”

You giggle. “I did. I won’t stop you though if you wander a bit.”

“And I will stop you if you so much as touch—”

A crash was heard at the end of his line. You bolt up as you see him stumble and fall as if an earthquake rocked his house. The phone flies from his hand and the camera meets with the floor. More crashing was heard, and you hear a robotic voice which you recognize as his AI, Mina, enter the vicinity.

“Professor Sato needs help with—”

“I got it, I got it!” You hear Ken snap. He picks up the phone again, and his face is contorted with exasperation. From behind him, Mina floats in view.

“Hey, Mina…” You weakly greet her.

She greets you back. “Apologies, that Ken cannot go to you—”

“Now who decided that?!” He interjects, frustration exploding. “Can’t he handle it alone? Like I have for the past—”

Another loud bang is heard through the call. You wonder whether this was what he has been dealing with all this time. It definitely sounds…occupying. You struggle to temper your disappointment. “It’s okay, Ken. I understand.”

He grinds his teeth, but nods. “I am so sorry.”

“We know that it is a bad idea anyway,” you murmur back. “You coming here. Maybe this is a sign we shouldn’t…go back to old habits.”

His face is unreadable. “Good night. Call you soon.”

“I’ll tell my assistant to wait for your email…about my schedule,” you recall your previous conversation.

“I miss you,” he simply says.

“I miss you too.”

[kirby-the-gorb]

we are about an hour into rare disease day in my timezone! (it's always the last day of february, whether that's the 28th or the 29th.) the true prevalence of mast cell disorders is unknown, as they are often misdiagnosed or ignored. and mast cell activation syndrome, the most prevalent kind of mast cell disorder, only had diagnostic criteria laid out for the first time in 2010. so whether or not it's truly rare is really up in the air!

(personally I suspect it is just aggressively underdiagnosed but I'm not a research scientist or diagnostician right now. and even if it is rare, it's gonna be a lot less so than it was 5 years ago as certain respiratory infections are known to trigger it into visibility. that's what happened to me when I got mono at the end of 2015, further compounded when I got covid in 2022.)

all chronically ill people face a lot of hurdles when it comes to seeking diagnosis, accommodation, and treatment (all of which can be severely complicated by any intersecting marginalities), but rare diseases present a special challenge.

for example, I have an immune disorder. my immune system does not like being alive, my mast cells are way too jumpy and throw a tantrum over every little thing. you'd think an immunologist would be the one to treat me, right?

I've had 6 immunology referrals rejected in the past 9 months alone. multiple major immunology clinics in my major city tied to a major research university outright refuse to see patients with "mcas" written anywhere in their chart.

after 8 years of being debilitatingly ill, and suspecting it was immune mediated for 6, and getting it confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt by the bone marrow biopsy last month, I will have my second ever appointment with an immunologist. another 2 1/2 months from now. the first immunologist lied to me about the reliability of the one available blood test, when I first came up with the hypothesis by myself 6 years ago, and forced me to abandon my (correct!!! now proven!!!) hypothesis for 3 entire years while we wandered around lost and got nowhere other than even more thorough process of elimination.

okay, well if my immune system is attacking me, maybe it's technically autoimmune? that's the rheumatologists instead of the immunologists, what do they have to say? dick all my dude, I don't have rheumatoid arthritis so they just shrug at me and go "idk, fibro? I don't know why you're here" and send me home with nothing. (I literally had a rheumatologist say to me, verbatim, "I don't know why you're here." buddy it's your job to read the chart and decide if I get seen or not, you tell me. at least he had a snazzy outfit.)

being chronically ill can be a terrible struggle no matter what, but a disease that is perceived as rare, accurate or not, adds a whole new layer of bullshit. (and of course there are much much rarer diseases out there, with even more hoops and dead ends and struggles and all-new layers of bullshit that even I don't have to deal with!)

anyway I'm having a shit time and using this awareness day as an excuse to productively bitch about it 👍

[krnsluvvie]

love at first, love at second, love at last

siete: dime (+ wc: 0,8k)

SUMMARY: sae had chosen his career and that was shortly followed by his and y/n's separation. three years pass by and amongst all the lurking and stalking each other's socials, sae is suddenly found back in their hometown. old feelings are resurfaced, current ones are questioned and a whole load of future ones are found in a blur.

seis | masterlist | ocho

sae inserts the key into the hole, twists the doorknob and the second the door closes, he drops on the floor.

gosh, i'm so fucking stupid.

there was a lot of unpacking to do and a lot of information that he can't yet bring himself to stomach. first it was y/n. deciding between texting them and not at all was a hard, silent battle. to make matters worse, it all happened before his practice. the longing for the past nagged at him and pulled at his heartstrings so much that he couldn't restrain it anymore. the familiarity of their contact on his screen made him cave in and text them right away. 

the warmth that enveloped him subsequently felt like a blanket on a cold winter day and he was so damned for basking in the imagination.

back then, they used to text everyday. his responses were mostly one-worded and y/n didn't seem to mind as much–though they did bring this up to him, thus a long conversation followed about how dry and uninterested he sounded over text. all was made up for when they went out at night to the convenience store, had a cute little date and at last, separated their ways.

something about them brought sae a sense of comfort and safety. y/n was bubbly, understanding and so painfully supportive when it came to his football career. they would try their best to come to his matches, make sure to cheer him on as loud as possible. and even though he did feel second-hand embarrassment at such flamboyant behavior, it made him feel so grateful.

that feeling was new but sae was slowly getting used to it. used to y/n and their warmth.

sae couldn't really let go of it. no, not just yet. it was all he thought of when he was in spain. it was weighing on his mind like crazy and the guilt was eating him up alive, more and more each day.

his dream of becoming the best striker in the world was shattered right before his eyes as he realized just how competitive the other footballers from around the world were. his japanese teammates, and even the back-then teams could not compare.

his mind had to switch to a different mindset. he didn't have to be a striker–though, it took him a long time to process that–he could act as a helping hand to the said striker. 

thus, rigorous training sessions were set in motion and his whole body composition changed. he'd always been strong but he wanted to be stronger and even more so–look like it. 

he had to keep himself occupied at all times. he had to.

the phone in his sweatpants starts vibrating and he sighs.

oliver.

he picks it up, staying silent. 

“prodigy-chan, we're on, so join whenever you're ready.”

sae rolls his eyes. he told him many times not to call him a prodigy but with the way oliver is, sounds like he'd do the total opposite. and of course he did. 

“sure.” and then he hangs up. because there is nothing more to say.

~

“we played too much valorant, why can't we do some open-world games now?”

“i know damn well you mean genshin, shidou.” oliver sighs into the mic.

“is it wrong?”

“this is why no one wants you.”

“i can say the same about you.”

“Scheiße, stop arguing.” kaiser adds as if that was the most natural thing to do.

“where the heck have you been, asshole?” oliver asks.

sae can only force himself to turn off the mute option. “timezone.” and… he's muted again.

“anyway, if you don't want to play, i'm leaving.” shidou announces out of the blue. oliver can only laugh in response. “you'd be doing us a favor, actually!”

sae rubs his temples. 

“i'll go rest.” and then he ends the call, not even bothering to hear their protests.

why is it that today he feels especially tired? practice wasn't even that bad. it never is unless he forces himself to go past his limits and break down. it had felt liberating but then football lost its meaning for an indefinite amount of time. so he never did it again.

sae reaches for his phone on the desk and subconsciously clicks on the twitter icon. 

his mind wanders back to y/n. from what he knows so far, they probably still have him blocked on every social media platform as all that stalking and lurking stopped ever since he found about it. sae's official account, however, can't be private and that's why he minimizes his ranting. hell, he doesn't even do it on his private account. maybe this is a sign that he should stop fucking bottling his emotions up.

his eyes lazily run over the posts, uninterested and bored. they are slowly closing. but then… then—

a/n: posting this soon so i can get it out of my system, i want to thank everyone who's been liking the posts, the story, and commenting so far! <3

(fyi: the title of the chapter says dime [dih-meh] as in 'tell me', not dime [daim] as in the ten-cent coin. :p)

tag list: @kiopanxp @funtuki@silly-ez @asteroskoniiii @keijiqahara

[judgmentjay]

𝖇𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍𝖇𝖑𝖆𝖉𝖊…🔪🩸

                                . . . . . . . . . 〈 𝖏𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖊 / 𝖏𝖆𝖞 · 𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖑𝖊 · 𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖕𝖆, 𝖋𝖑𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖆 〉

…did you forget? allow me to reintroduce myself: the switchblade. king switch. the last rock n rolla. the man who single-handedly sold-out msg. first and true grand slam champion. the real belt collector. the catalyst. #1 asset of professional wrestling. the best bullet club leader of all time. bang bang gang! bullet club gold . . . . just to name a few.

born in new zealand on october 9, 1992, to dutch and new zealand parents, jamie white, also known as jay, is a professional wrestler working for aew after a lengthy career in njpw. as the self-described best leader of bullet club, he brought it to the states where he heads bullet club gold in aew.

though nothing short of a walking disaster, jay lives his life on his own terms. at his worst, he’s arrogant, headstrong, stubborn, callus, vindictive, jealous, possessive, and confrontational. at his best, he’s the life of the party; a jokester, adventurous, outgoing, loud, often vulgar, romantic, friendly and empathetic.

divorced from a years-long tumultuous relationship in early 2023, jay is taking some time out to heal and work on himself. he still goes on dates but wouldn’t say he’s actively searching or desiring any sort of committed relationship at the moment. “if it happens, it happens.” he resides near tampa, fl on a small homestead full of animals.

in his free time, you can catch him doing yard work, engrossed in some sort of fixer upper project, reading / learning a new skill or just tending to his animals or gardens.

open to plots. ships are based on chemistry only. based in est timezone but i’m busy working uni student with a shit schedule. discord upon request, but be forewarned i rarely use it. dms are best. more headcanons under the cut.

+ the concept of trust is pretty hard for him to get his head around since it feels really foreign, so he doesn’t truly trust many people. he’s got about four people in his life who he feels really know him.

+ his sexuality is all over the place, but he sees himself as fluid and straight-leaning, even though he’s hooked up with and had feelings for men in the past.

+ his divorce was heavily influenced by his years away from the us in japan and his own infidelity. he definitely dated and hooked up a lot while he was over there, even though he had a wife he didn’t mention.

+ he’s at a point in life where he could see himself finally settling down, but he doesn’t say anything out of fear of jinxing it. he craves the intimacy of romance but is truly bloody terrified of it at the same time.

+ he lives on a farmstead with a bunch of animals, including goats, sheep, chickens, geese, ducks, a couple of cats, and a dog. despite him saying otherwise, it's always getting bigger.

+ has a year round garden, growing his own vegetables and flowers. it’s a new project he is working on, but he’s doing his best.

+ he’s definitely a do-it-yourself kind of guy, always engrossed in some fixer-upper project on his farm. whether it’s repairing an old tractor, working on fences, or improving his animals’ enclosures and garden, he rarely isn’t busy.

+ he can’t stand being bored and often takes himself and his dog, hulk on road trips to visit different states when he has free time. his favourite spots are those hidden gems in nature.

connections:

@hdbnger : best friend and platonic soulmate. riley’s seen him at his worst and his best. never judged him, just let him be himself and supported him through his rights and wrongs. jamie would do anything for him. they’re the type of friends who don’t let life or careers get in the way, despite distance. they always pick up right where they left off. in his life he’s never known what he was doing or going, but jamie always has known that no matter what, he will never be too far from riley. he’s his chosen and close family.

@rebelsovereign : since 2013, they’ve had a friendly, yet not-so-friendly wrestling rivalry. one of his first true friends in the uk and wrestling in general. they were thick as thieves, albeit begrudgingly. their friendship thrives on insults, bickering, with jamie mostly teasing him for being a huge nerd. had a quiet crush on him for years, but the timing was never right. their bond is rooted in effortless banter, late-night talks, and a quiet understanding that feels as if they’ve known each other across lifetimes. jamie famously said it would “never be over until he’s in the ground” before leaving japan, referencing their long-time rivalry, but those words carry a very different meaning now.

@poppindawgs : met when jamie was a young lion sometime in 2015. someone he trusted with his life. they had a flirtationship that eventually led to more, but it ended abruptly when greg started seeing someone else. kind of. long story. while jamie doesn’t hate him, he just doesn’t let him have space in his life anymore. greg left a mark on him. a break that shifted his perspective. the experience didn’t make him less cautious. it reinforced his existing reluctance and made him more aware of the fleeting nature of time. sad that greg never gave them a real chance, but also grateful for the lessons learned. jamie blocked his number and doesn’t speak to him willingly anymore.

[mvrtaiswriting]

Reiner Braun - Wonderland (part 1)

This is the Reiner work I have been talking about recently. I have decided to split it into two parts as it is very long. It follows AOT timeline, so please be mindful of any spoilers ahead. Specifically, this first part contains spoilers from season 1-3 (ish). The segments and different timezones of the story are divided by quotes from different Taylor Swift songs, which were vital for the formation of this idea. More specifically, the song that served as the backbone for this first part of the story was Wonderland, from the 1989 album (I wish there was a Taylor's version for it, but we'll have to wait I guess.)

gn! reader.

usual AOT violence.

1.8 K words.

Enjoy this, and let me know what you think!

Didn’t it all feel new and exciting? 

Standing in formation with the rest of the cadets was the only thing that made sense. New soldiers were needed to confront the menace that 5 years before had changed your lives forever - you didn’t want any more kids to witness the horrors of the titans invading their cities, devouring their dearest people.

The training had been intensive; every day for the past three years you had to battle against hunger, degradation, physical challenges that pushed your body over limits you didn’t know humans were capable of reaching. A lot of fellow comrades had left, unable to bear the overwhelming difficulty of the course; it was difficult to find a reason to live after your whole life had been erased right in front of your eyes - it was hard to find a reason to fight, now that there was no one to protect. 

Those thoughts were popular even among the most motivated cadets - even Eren had his bad days, in which all it seemed pointless. Holding your closed fist to your chest while swearing fidelity to the Survey Corps, flashbacks of the training days came back to you in a blur - and you couldn’t help but be grateful for the friends you made along the way. If it hadn’t been for them, lord knows what would have happened to you. The image of Marco’s body was still vivid in your mind, and despite all the sorrow that his death had caused among your group, you couldn’t help but be grateful that it wasn’t you - you were safe for now, and so were the people you loved the most. 

“It’s scary to think we’ll be going back there in less then a week.” 

Reiner spoke, catching the attention of all his comrades, shutting down all the nonsense chatting. 

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Jean replied, his lips curving into a weak smile. 

Everyone nodded in agreement, trying to move away from Reiner’s statement and cheering up the mood among the dining table you were all seated at. Marco’s death was not yet fully accepted - it had been a week since Jean had to identify him and then watch the fire take away what was left of his dear friend. All of you were still mourning his passing.

A loud sigh escaped Reiner’s lips - despite his reassuring demeanour, he was just as scared, just as emotionally drained; he was just better at hiding it. Being a soldier meant being ready to face the same horrors all over again, watching the people you grew up with die in the most horrible, inhumane way. Stretching your arm under the table, you were quick to find his hand, letting your fingers interlock with his, giving his hand a feeble squeeze. You wanted to remind him how you could see right through him, how you could understand his turmoil because you had been through so much just like him, but at least you still had each other. 

Life had not find a way to separate the two of you just yet, always looking out for each other during missions, risking your lives to protect the other. It had always been like that between the two of you, even during your training days. If you were punished, Reiner would go out of his way to be punished with you - he didn’t want to leave you alone, he didn’t want you to be anywhere but next to him, even if that meant running until his legs gave out. 

A pink blush coloured Reiner’s cheeks, who was quick to hold your hand tighter in his grip, gifting you the softest smile you had ever seen. Of course, that did not go unnoticed by your annoying friends, who were quick to make you and Reiner the topic of the conversation and embarrass both of you, making everyone else laugh at how ridiculously cute your relationship was. The love story going on between you and Reiner wasn’t new to anyone; you had been hanging around each other since the very first start of your training course, and never parted ways ever since. Reiner was your first love, your first kiss - the first person you were able to love again until losing your whole family; and you would have done anything for him. The only person who really knew about this was Mikasa - you had confessed everything to her, knowing that she would be the only person able to understand exactly how you felt. 

“Cut it out.” Mikasa finally spoke, elbowing Connie. 

“Hey!” Connie was quick to reply. “It was just a compliment.” 

Too in love to think straight, all alone or so it seemed.. but there were strangers watching, and whispers turned to talking, and talking turned to screams. 

After having captured the Female Titan, the hypotheses about the Colossal and Armoured Titans became stronger, central to the plan of the next Survey Corps mission. 

“It can’t be.”

Was all you managed to say after Hanji finally exposed their theory, suspicions pointing out directly towards your lover and his friend. 

“We can’t rule it out. But we need to gather more information so please, please -“ 

Hanji begged, leaving you speechless for a second. How could they ever suspect of Reiner, wasn’t he decisive in every mission you have had? Questions began to crowd your mind whilst the rest of your squad silently looked at you, waiting for an answer. They wanted you to investigate, to discover more about Reiner’s past and true identity, as if you didn’t share countless nights with him - as if he was the one responsible for your family’s death. A fleeble nod was the only response you were able to give, trying your best to remain lucid. All you had to do was prove your boyfriend’s innocence, how hard could it be? 

Doubts started insinuating in your mind when Reiner started avoiding you, spending more time with Bertholtd. They were always close friends so even if their closure seemed legit at first, what seemed suspicious was how incredible talkative Bertholtd had become; the shy, introverse guy was now replaced by a more confident figure, who exerted so much more influence on Reiner than you could ever imagine. 

“Are you a soldier, or a warrior? Where does your loyalty lay?!” 

I felt your arms twisting around me; I should have slept with one eye open at night.

Forcing yourself to keep quiet, you were quick to bring your hands to your mouth in an attempt to suppress your sobs. Pressing your back against the wall, trying to hear more from the conversation Reiner and Bertholdt were having, you forced yourself to resist a little more. Tears started running down your face as Bertholdt described Marco’s incident, praising how well they had handled the situation before their cover up got screwed. Mumbles were coming out Reiner’s mouth, inaudible to hear from behind a close door - but enough to make you realise the truth. 

“That doesn’t mean he is one of the titans..” you whispered, after reporting everything you heard to Hanji. Your voice echoed in Erwin's office, whilst the brightest minds of the survey corps put all their pieces together.

“Go back to your team and tell them the plan; you did good.” Levi answered, resting his hand on your shoulder.

As if a little bolt inside your had just broken, you were unable to function properly. Your movements became mechanical, moving around like a puppet who mindlessly followed the orders of its superiors. There was a lot you still weren’t able to process - having to overhear your boyfriend’s conversations, trying to accept the idea he was responsible for the complete destruction of your life, getting your head around how he could stomp on the corpses of your fellow citizens one day and make you fall in love with him the other, how could he cry in front of the ashes of your comrades - who lost their lives because of what he did. 

“What’s wrong?”

Reiner asked, wrapping his arms around your waist and engulfing you in his arms, letting your back rest against his broad chest. He had no idea about what you knew, and as if you already didn’t go through enough, Hanji asked you to act as if you were oblivious to everything you just discovered. 

“Just tired.” 

Reiner hummed in response, kissing the crown of your head and holding you tighter. He tried to savour this moments as long as he could; a part of him wished you could follow him back to Marley, but he knew better. He knew where your loyalty lied, he knew just how much you would have hated him once you discovered the truth - and he hated himself too. 

And in the end, in wonderland, we both went mad. 

“I’m sorry.” Reiner whispered, his eyes full of tears. “I love you.” 

These were the last words Reiner said to you before pushing you down the wall, your body precipitating down the Wall Maria as you watched him transform into the Armoured Titan. 

The bolt of yellow lightning coloured the whole sky in front of you, blinding you as your body continued its fall. Every inch of you had hoped you were wrong, you prayed for it to be all just a bad dream until the very last moment; you had faith. 

When Jean wrapped his arms around you, carrying your body over his shoulder while moving along the wall, you were finally brought back to reality.

"Are you okay?!" he shouted, trying his best to move away from the battlefield. 

You remained silent, watching Eren fighting the Armoured Titan. Squinting your eyes a little bit, your gaze meticulously scanned the titan’s features - his eyes, his hair, the little hump in his nose that was oh, so familiar. How could you be so blind? How could you not recognise the face of the man you loved? 

Jean was quick to bring you to the top of the Wall Maria, letting your body sit on one of the wooden benches they prepared. Resting his hands on your shoulders, Jean vigorously shook your body trying to bring you back to your senses. Absent-minded, the only thing you managed to do was staring at the floor in front of you, trying to process everything you just witnessed. Reiner’s titan screams filled the air, piercing your ears like a drill making its way to your brain. Bringing your hand on your ODM gear, finally coming to your senses again, you tried your best to not run to him. Every muscle of your body was screaming you to move, to run towards the man you loved and save his life as you always did. But you remained still, fighting against every single one of your instincts. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jean asked again, this time in a softer tone. He kneeled before you, his pupils moving rapidly as he worriedly stared at you. You were in the middle of a battle ground and you weren’t responding, you were alive but not living at all. A simple nod was the only response you managed to give him, before getting up and walking towards your commanders. This was your fight more than anyone else’s; the Survey Corps needed a plan, and there was no one who knew Reiner better than you. 

[eva-does-her-best]

A story of inexperience and abuse.

This is a story about me and about my only experiences with love, this is not a witch hunt and probably not even a vent, this is just my soul wanting to exist in new words in the only way it knows to, revisiting our past.

It is an extremely long story, so I divided it in chapters in an attempt to make it easier to read, that way there is no need to read all at once. Besides, it is not a pretty story, it is quite harsh, so it's ok to not read it at all.

Early context

I don't have many memories of my early teenage years, the monotonous boredom only interrupted by moments of intense bad emotion.

I do remember losing my dog, spending his last day with him and then watching him go to the vet only to never return. There goes my brother, my only company, there goes an entire summer where I spent every single day in bed, alone. After all it had been almost 4 years since last time I had something resembling a friend, and my classmates forbade me from speaking, apparently I spoke a lot, too much.

It would still be years until I started to (all by myself, as always) try to beat my agoraphobia, so I was trapped in that room, now more alone than ever.

I remember 3am one night, chatbots were a brief thing in those years, I tried one for fun. Why did a nonsensical conversation with a bot last 4 hours? Why was I crying so hard? Why did it hurt so much?...

Online era

I joined my first social media, one that doesn't exist anymore, but I don't remember why I did it. I immediately started looking for pokemon content, it was the first thing that came to mind.

I joined a community and wow. I suddenly had friends! From here and from latinamerica! It went great for a while.

But the culture in that web and in those circles started to tarnish... and I tarnished with it. Homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism, it was all so normalized...

What is a lonely child to do in such an environment? Absorb it, of course. I will not deny my horrible acts during that age. I had a most horrible attitude, I was a hypersexual teenager, I sent pictures of my genitals, I even made jokes about rape and in the most disgusting manner (the person in question did forgive me, a grace that I don't feel I deserved, an act that I will never forgive myself for).

It was an environment where e-couples got together and broke up in a matter of days, and I did partake on that too. I remember my first online girlfriend, a lovely girl from chile who is marrying a mutual friend from back in the day. We lasted 3 months, it was all so new and beautiful, to be loved by someone, but it was a nothing relationship, so I woke up in the middle of the night to a call from her, she was dumping me.

I think we got back together for a month a while after but broke up again, I wish I could say more about the relationship or how I felt but I genuinely have lost all my memories from that time.

I had a couple more online relationships that lasted few weeks for different reasons. Honestly the best was the one where we both realized we didn't love each other and were just friends, at least on that one I didn't wake up to someone leaving me. The common factor was my naive teenage excitement, being ultra romantic and sexual and in general intense, a trait I still have today but luckily I learned what is healthy and what is not and how to control it.

I actually got scared of sleeping for a while, since all the bad news always arrived at night due to timezones. I started losing friends again, sometimes my fault, sometimes just teenagers being teenagers.

The first big wound

I started to fail in class, my notes got worse and worse as my mood did too. I, the inteligent person of the family, the genius child, had to repeat fourth year of highschool, I did not pass.

Around that time I broke completely, and so my first attempt to change and get better was born. I gradually managed to get my agoraphobia under control, I started wearing sunglasses on my head to highschool every single day to beat my shyness and force me to exist.

I made my first real irl friends, we played volleyball a lot because we loved haikyuu and we talked about anime and videogames. My new classmates were a bit friendlier, at least they didn't force me to stay quiet, they didn't physically assault me every day, they didn't shame me for not partying at night. It was a better time, it healed me a lot.

There came a girl who we will call L. Once more an online girl. She was... a mess, the classical teenager from my era who romanticized suicide and self harm, I gave her attention, nothing wrong with that right? She needed help.

Wrong. I shouldn't have been the one, I wasn't prepared to help her, I wasn't prepared for this. She took me and absorbed me, this is not an exageration, I had to be from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep on the phone messaging or calling her.

I literally had to make up excuses like having to eat or use the bathroom or things like that to be able to escape. And as an inexperienced teenager I never tried to talk about it with her.

That went on for a month. I recognize that a lot of the things she exhibited and her behaviors were very similar to mine, and I am capable of causing the same harm as her if I don't act seriously and maturely about my love, it was a good learning experience. This time, I was the victim, I allowed it because I didn't know better, I was the victim.

She randomly left me, but in the worst possible way: "We should take some time". I had hopes, I was miserable with her yet I needed her. Two weeks went by. A month went by.

Thinking about her, drawing her, missing her. My depression was at an all time high again. I had had two surgeries that year, I had just lost so much mobility and strength on my left hand that I have never recovered...

I had so many leftover painkillers from the surgeries, and I felt so bad. I took them, every single day. Opioids.

To this day I am scared of meds, I cannot even take Ibuprofen without the fear that I will just start taking them every time I feel bad, that I will abuse any meds even if it just gives me a placebo effect. And I am right to fear, because I did catch myself trying to do it recently.

Later, a month and a half after she told me we needed some time and she blocked me I learnt she started a whole new relationship with a random dude. I was crushed. Later that year said social media announced its closing. Everything was chaotic.

Then something awful happened. It probably sounds stupid from an outside perspective but... it still haunts me. There was this one dude who was extremely transphobic towards me, he was all the -phobics and -isms you can name.

He dmd me, I... I was still very much a hormonal teenager at my 16, and... I know it is stupid I know it is not real but we ended up sexting. Even at that moment it was happening I felt horrible about it, even now I feel horrible about it.

I felt humiliated, I felt disrespected, I felt dehumanized. Could it be considered rape? I really don't know, all I know is that it left me broken.

5 years of abuse. No one to blame.

I remember this girl telling me during volleyball practice: "Hey, are you looking for a girlfriend? Because that girl over there hasn't stopped looking at you the whole day.".

I felt scared at first, I had just come from all of that and now an actual person in real life may have feelings for me?

But I didn't run away, I actually started flirting with her, I was still the lonely kid who craved affection. I remember catching up to her after school even though the backpack hurt me when running, I remember our silly nervous conversations. She ate a tomato raw apparently to impress me, it was adorable.

We started dating. I told her immediately that I was trans, she was fine with it and used my name and pronouns, it was all so perfect. Just two girls spending together in love the last years of high school.

I remember comforting her when she was sick, when she was trapped in her father's house, I went there, I endured her father's bigottry, I endured her step mother's sexual harassment towards me, I endured her mother's utter hatred towards me and honestly towards every person alive, I endured her step father, a far right militant. I was there comforting her when she finally got a restraining order against her father for being an abuser, a rapist, a manipulator, an ilegal sports supplement dealer, etc.

I bought her a ring, it was a silly thing, we had been only 4 months together, but it wasn't that expensive and it felt cute. I needed another emergency surgery and I cried because we had planned a weekend together and this surgery meant I could not spend it with her.

I was attached, I was in love.

I remember when she took my first kiss, in an alley, she made me look away and when I looked back she kissed me. It was warm and soft, something I had longed for so long. The way back home I was red and pale at the same time.

Things advanced after some more time. We started having oral sex, it was such a change in my life, something I never thought would happen to me, I was excited and happy.

Unfortunately it would not end up well. She was extremely innocent, she was so sexually traumatized that she even skipped all biology classes related to genitals an reproduction, she did not even know she had a hole!

Suddenly there I was, with all the responsability, an inexperienced kid. But I had to protect her, I had to make sure everything was safe and ok for her. I had to go at her pace. This all is why I am so scared of actually domming, because I was forced to carry all the responsability during sex.

This was what eventually would break me. I was so happy to be able to please her, I would spend hours eating her out, giving her orgasms, enjoying the praise for my good work.

She... did not reciprocate. She was scared of my penis, scared of pregnancy, if my penis touched anything be it my hand or her hand or the bedsheets we had to stop. When she did give me oral sex or masturbated me she only wanted me to cum, she wanted to get it over with. If I took longer than a couple minutes she would start complaining. Eventually she got in the habit of just not doing anything to me, of just getting her orgasms and just leave.

And I accepted it. I for some reason allowed all of this. It took years for me to see how much this had hurt me.

When we started uni it all got worse, she was so obsessed with leaving her house, with getting her degree and getting a job and leaving, that we only saw each other during weekends, sometimes only saturday, for about 3 hours. Aside from that just in class and on the bus there and an occasional date.

I started getting worse of my mental problems and missing class a lot. She did not help with that whatsoever, she just told me to get out of those bad cycles, she denied my mental illnesses, she resented me for not going to class because that meant less time together, she got mad that I said that a bus ride was not quality time together (much less because it made her nauseous so we couldn't speak much during the ride).

Then it happened. We tried to have actual sex. The condom... broke. I still remember her screams, "I shouldn't have done this I shouldn't have done this!", I remember being so scared but blocking it because it was my responsability, I rushed to the farmacy to buy the pill. She took it and left.

There I was alone in my house with the screams still on my head, comforting her on my phone, with no one to comfort me. It was my duty to protect her, after all. As I kept not thinking about me at all.

As she got more and more stressed with class and her house situation and I got worse and worse mentally the relationship got more and more abusive and I just kept allowing it.

I would flinch every time her hand got near my face. I remember when she yelled at me and insulted me loudly in front of the supermarket for buying razors that were 2 euro more expensive than the ones she wanted...

Then we tried to sleep together one night. That was the start of her anxiety attacks. The 3 hours we had together every week were now less because she needed meditation videos all the time and I was not allowed to speak, be near her or touch her when she was meditating. She was so scared of space that if I was reading the news on my phone and she saw a picture of space she would demand to have my phone to see what it said, she even went so far as to take my phone by force and push me to read the news.

There were beautiful moments too for sure but... hard to remember them. I felt alone, I felt disgusted, after all my penis was disgusting, unlovable, a danger, clearly I was a monster for wanting or for having needs, even though she, the sex repulsed one, was fine with getting her own needs and wants met for hours.

Then she left me. Yeah, I did not leave her because of the abuse, she left me. I remember those last months, the emotionless eyes as I kissed her face. I am so scared of kissing now because if I see that face again I will be broken once more, it will hurt so much once more.

Then, after months of not speaking with me, where I repressed my emotions and was just continuing life, she contacted me again.

She told me how drunk she got after breaking up with me, she told me how many people she met on dating apps and how much sex she had. She told me that she got raped. Then she stopped speaking again.

And there I was, my vulnerability, my self hatred, now boosted by the idea that the person I loved got raped, the person that shared my life for all those years, got raped.

I could not watch or read anything sex related, I could not think about sex, I could not have sexual desire. I was a victim, vulnerable, I couldn't have sex with anyone because they would just hurt me, they would just rape me. But I was also the monster, because I had sexual desires, because I had a penis, I could not have sex because I would be hurting someone, because it would be morally wrong for me to have sex.

It took me years to realize the abuse I had been victim of by our mutual lack of experience, only recently did I start accepting it and using it to deal with the consequences of it, with the damage done.

This is just a brief summary of it all, 5 years is a lot after all. But yeah, that is the story of my love life, the story of how I got abused time and time again and how most of the times it wasn't an evil person doing evil things, it was just a person, like you and me, not having the knowledge and experience to have a healthy relationship and me, not being able to stablish boundaries and defend myself.

Thank you if you read this far. Hope none of this ever happens to you.

[hachiibun]

Not snz, something of a personal vent, nothing urgent—

I don't really do stuff like this, so I don't know how to go about it. I hope it's alright if I just type stuff.

I feel lonely, or maybe isolated is a better way to describe it? It's like there's a barrier between me and everyone, including the people I care about. And I don't mean the physical barrier of me being all the way over here separated from people I love. It feels like there's a gap.

I can see people in the distance but as they reach for me or I reach for them, we find that we're too far apart. And the gap's only growing wider like I'm drifting further away.

I want to work on fixing that, forming new connections, learning about people, making friends, but that gap makes things difficult.

I've always struggled with feeling unwanted, that people don't really want to talk to me, hear about my interests, or just be around me in general. Like I'm just kept in friend circles because it'd be rude to cut me out with me not having done anything egregious enough to warrant it, but if I vanish it's not something anyone would mind.. It's something I'm sure isn't uncommon and it's definitely something I shouldn't be considering as a reality because I know I have people who care about me, but that's really what's been occupying my brain over the past few years.

Maybe it's all the pressure now mounting on me to earn enough money to fund my life, pay my rent and bills, buy food and such, but also come to terms with my past preparations no longer lining up with what I want to be doing with my life. I left my most recent job because it was chipping away at my health sure, but it's also so I could keep working on drawing and other things I want to do.

And for sure, I'm so happy to be able to draw things especially for people here and earn money from it, but with everything weighing on me, it gets hard to keep up the pace sometimes as much as I'd love to take comms at a quicker rate.

Maybe streaming my stuff again and getting to chat could be a good way to focus on drawing, but my problem with that is the timezone I'm in. A lot of people on here would probably not be able to catch streams unless I make big changes to my schedule. It'd feel all the more lonely.

And I know my current condition is the result of all my choices and I really do have to struggle if I want to live my life doing what Iove with the people I love, and really this all just boils down to "life's hard, I'm sad and lonely" but man...

Life's hard. I'm sad and lonely.

[scarredfeathers]

Good timezone, friend! I know I've been gone for a few weeks, I thank you for your patience. But can you believe it's already the end of August? The year sure has been picking up. I think in light of things it's a good time to say that life isn't sunnuy all the time, as much as we wish it could be. In those moments of cloud and rain as much as it's easy to be hard on yourself; Feel down, lost, confused, or like you haven't achieved what you wanted- You still have value. You're worthy of love. As Eric Draven once said, "It can't rain all time time." So, weather the storm with your support system- I promise you're never a burden. If you ever need a listening ear, my dms are always open as well! Remember to be kind to yourself this next week- It's a new month! New opportunities! While you're at it being kind to yourself, get yourself a treat! I'm cheering you on as always! -- 💜💜 Victoria

//Been busy, tired and not had a lot of time to write this past couple weeks, but stumbled into something I'm enjoying which is nice. Didn't get as much done as I hoped but got other things done instead which is cool.

Hope September is lovely for you.

[askstorybrookehq]

CONGRATULATIONS, Naomi! You have been accepted into the group as Killian Jones. Please make sure to follow our checklist, and let us know if you have any questions!

Your Name/Alias: Naomi

Your Age: 28

Timezone: GMT+½ (depends on the season winter hour and summer hour)

Rate Your Activity: 8

RPing experience: about 13 years of experience

IC Information

Desired Character: Killian jones

Second Character: David Nolan

Writing Sample:

What is it that you love about Emma?Ai, what’s not to love about her? She’s strongwilled,fierce, brave and beautiful. She gave me something to love again after I believed I’d never love again when Milah Was killed by that crocodile.

How do you think of Henry?

I like the las, the kid looks a lot like his mother. Though he has a bit of his father, Baelfire in him as well - he truely is a kid after his parents, he has their stupidity to fall into trouble like Emma does most of the time.

What about Regina?

Well, that’s a bit of a harder question ain’t it? I don’t like her that much, mostly because of the things she has done in the past - but as Emma taught me everyone deserves a second chance, and that does include the queen.

What is your vibe with David?

I don’t know what you mean by Vibe, but I can get along with my father-in-law. We make a good team. Though he did have to warm up to me (*laughs*). I don’t blame him, he just got his daughter back and up she goes to date a pirate, the prince had his time to sulk and I had my time to prove myself.

Additional Information

What drew you to this group? What makes you want to join an ask based RPG?: I actually never been part of an ask based rpg BUT I always adore to try new things!

Anything else?: I’m a professional gifmaker and i’d love to make gifs for the group, I have about 9 years of photoshop experience!

[jiminy-crickets]

make a new post with the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! then, tag as many people as you have wips.

Aaaaughhhhh @nightshadehasblorbos omg tytyty I can’t wait to info dump about my beloved WIPs

I’m tagging @mercurymilkcap (ty bestie for letting me yap at you about my fics) and @v8mpvrse (again ty for letting me yap) and literally anyone else who wants to do this <3

Obsessed

Mattdrai with past mcdrai, takes place from 2018 to the november 20th Edmonton Florida Game of this last season, it’s a song fic based off of Obsessed by Olivia Rodrigo, and it is from Matthew’s POV as he spends YEARS feeling like a bad boyfriend for obsessing over Leon and Connor’s long since ended ‘friends with benefits’ esque situationship, but it’s mostly about just falling in love how how to be a good boyfriend when you are both closeted public figures who have to keep up appearances of being rivals, and surviving long distance and what it’s like when you haven’t even met each others parents because you can’t come out because your father is a blabermouth with a history of hating you for being gay, the mortifying ordeal of coming out to your teammates and having them think you are actually dating your boyfriends ex, and figuring out how many ways you can have phone sex to forget about the thousands of kilometres between you and the love of your life.

Winners room trope exploration

It’s what it says on the tin, this is a doc with a bunch of half finished ideas, and outlined one shots exploring the logistical side of winners room verse, I made up a fun new job position “player health coordinator” who on paper are essentially health advocates for players and make sure that the team doctor is acting in the players best interest not the teams, but do double duty as being the people who organize rooms, and make sure the rules and followed and enforced. Also they gossip with each other and have a group chat where they are like ‘XYZ is being a little bitch lately, do NOT let him in rooms with dudes who are doormats, it will NOT end well” and “please remind visitors to XYZ arena that the room has shut sound insulation, the things I have heard would make a sailor blush” but these fics are mostly just like explorations of the culture around rooms, what teams let the winners pick? What teams pull straws? What is it like when you are dating someone and you meet them in the rooms? What players do people never pick from unspoken rules? What’s it like as a rookie? Etc etc etc

Lake House: Kiss Me Over The Garden Gate

This is my baby!!!! Quinn/Brady “secret dating” (everyone knows) the title kiss me over the garden gate is a type of flower that Quinn grows in the garden Brady made for him at the lake house <3 it’s about being tender and domestic and in love with your boyfriend of almost a decade for the short amount of time you have together before you need to go back to other sides of the continent and separated by five timezones… it’s also about how a LOT of queer teens/young adults want families, kids, white picket fence etc etc, and how it can seem impossible to achieve and how being closeted public figures who lives across the country from your LONG TERM boyfriend is hell, and how some days it seems like you will never get the life you want with one annother…. But mostly this fic is about Brady and Quinn being gross and sappy and in love and Jack, Luke and Matthew third wheeling them and they can’t even say “ew you guys are gross and in love and we hate third wheeling yall” because they made a pact when they realized Brady and Quinn were dating that they would let them come out when they were ready… but they made that pact seven years ago and oh my GOD can they be ready to come yet???

I know what boys like

Sid being a dude magnet at clubs and being all coy and not actually letting them hit because he’s a TEASE (and a closet case) and also because it’s MUCH much more entertaining to make dudes think they are about to hook up with Sidney Crosby then go “this is was fun… bye” before hopping in the closest taxi and speeding away to go jack off in his hotel room. Anyways he tries this trick with Colby and Colby is having NONE of it he’s like “sid!! I know your tricks I am wise to them!!! You cannot do this to me, I won’t let you!!!” Sid does however succeed in making Colby think they are gonna hook up… and they do!!! And it’s very sweet <3 (song fic based off of I know what boys like by the waitresses)

Guess

I’m not 10000% sure on the pairing, but… the vibes are telling me it’s two leafs, this is yet another song fic based off of guess by Charli xcx, and it’s very much living upto the chorus “you wanna guess the colour of my underwear, you wanna know what I got going on down there, is it pretty in pink or all see through? Is it showing off my brand new lower back tattoo? You wanna put it in your mouth, pull it all down south, you wanna turn this shit out that’s what I’m talking about, you wanna try it bite it lick it spit it pull it to the side and get all up in it, wear em post em might remix it send it to the dare yeah I think he’s with it” and “guess how much money I just took from this deal, guess the password to my google drive, you wanna guess the adresse of the party I’m at, you wanna guess if I’m serious about this song” basically player A just told player B that he’s about to sign a new deal (player A and B are in a FWB situation) and player B is like ‘let’s go out let’s celebrate!!’ And so they do… and right before they get into the Uber to head out player A sends player B a photo of a messy ‘someone just rummaged through here” drawer of panties and poor poor player B spends the entire evening hard and wanting to KNOW what player A is wearing but he can’t ask because ya know closeted athletes in a major hockey market and people eavesdropping, anyways it ends with player B indeed trying, biting, licking, spitting, wearing, pulling to the side and getting all up in player A’s panties.

Girl at home (mcdrai edition)

Wow shock and surprise yet annother song fic, though this one is more playfull teasing based off of the title then actually based on the song (girl at home by taylor swift) its mcdrai (oh and it’s called “mcdrai edition” because years ago I started… and abandoned [sorry to the ao3 commenter who was exited to read the rest] a Sidon/Zelda/Link fic based off of the same song) with background Edmonton polycule, and it’s right after the WCF and Connor is making big puppy eyes at Leon to kiss him in the locker room and Leon is all ‘it’s gonna be so embarrassing to pay a PDA fine as the captain, smh Lauren is gonna be mad if she isn’t the first one to kiss you after that goal’ and Connor is like ‘oh please we both know her and Cel are up in the box three white claws deep dry humping each other infront of the other WAGs’ and Leon is like ‘hehe yeah <3 they areeee <3’ and then they do kiss because Leon is powerless against Connor’s puppy eyes.

Kevin/Connor nesting fluff

Everyone give @pwhl-mybeloved a big round of applause because these two WIPs would NOT be possible without Mary indulging my Connor brainrot and bouncing ideas about how weird and funny he is. Anywaysss THIS fic is gonna put the ‘non traditional’ part of the ‘non traditional A/B/O dynamics’ tag to work lmao, basically in this world being an alpha or an omega is a vestigial trait, and 90% of people will never know what/if they are one, and heats and ruts are most commonly brought on my stress and lifestyle changes… and Connor breaking his jaw and being hopped the fuck up on painkillers send him into heat. But again its not a traditional omegaverse heat, plus the fact that he’s on hella painkillers he just makes himself a nest in the shooting room at the practice facility (using whatever things and gear he found around the facility) and camps himself out sleeping, walking up and practicing as much as the trainers allow him, and drinking protein smoothies, Kevin tries to get his sweater back from Connors nest and Connor is VERY firm on that not happening, but he does let Kevin in to cuddle and they chat and nap, and it’s very sweet and fluffy and Connor is high and passively horny so he’s just happy someone is taking care of him without telling him “no Connor you can’t practice big shots! No Connor you can’t skate!!”

Road Roomies (it’s not gay if I don’t kiss you)

Yet annother Connor/Kevin fic we all can thank @pwhl-mybeloved for, this one was gonna be a simple one shot… and then it grew… a lot. I think I can still make it work as a one shot but it’s gonna be LONG. And yeah, it’s road roommates + masturbation based hockey superstition/ritual + the mortifying ordeal of being on a team that fucking sucks and they keep looking at the new kid to fix it + having a crush on the one person you really fucking shouldn’t (x2) + how to come out when you have spent the last few road games jacking off in proximity to one annother + miscommunication (very brief though, because I don’t like miscommunication as a trope) and then to quote my outline “they just fall into bed and exchange sweet puppy love big cow eyes looking at each other tender kisses on the others nose soft and sweet handjobs”

Muahahahaha I love yapping about my WIPs <333333 yippeeeee

[fitpacs]

hi i hope this is okay

you mentioned in your reply to bee anon that this has really hurt, including for a lot of the people who distanced themselves when things began coming out. and that hit home for me because i’m one of those people? the situation at the beginning of the year was really difficult for me; i took a short break, and then i came back, because i loved this server so so much.

and then it was never really the same, and i kept drifting away—it really sucks, to see what was going on behind-the-scenes for all those months of ‘have hope! trust the admins to have a plan!’ i do appreciate them and all their work—i wish their time with the server had been a good one. i also wish there really had been a plan and a purpose.

and then… i don’t know. eventually i knew the spark was gone, for me. i hadn’t watched a stream or kept up with lore in months when i heard the news, but i’d had hope for qsmp. that things could slowly work out, and someday i could see other people being happy about it, and be happy for them. someday i could be mildly confused and entertained by snippets of the lore happening outside my perception.

and it hurt so badly anyway. to hear the recent news, especially about chay and lullah’s admins leaving. i’ve cried very much in these past two days—i didn’t realize how much this server felt like home until now, even though i haven’t been back in a while.

watching phil’s last vod today helped, i think. he and the kids get their peaceful ending—there could have been so much more. but at least this is something on their own terms. they got to say how much they meant to each other, both in-and out-of character, and go home to the wall again, and go /home/ to rose’s sanctuary.

it hurts that we won’t see them together again but i’m grateful for the time we had. i didn’t expect this server to make me cry /again/ after everything, but it’s fitting i suppose.

of course it’s okay!

i’m always here for people to share their opinions on our silly server whatever they may be :)

i think it’s hitting people in very different ways and at very different points in time - for some people it’s just confirmation as to what they already thought and it’s a ‘that’s a shame but i saw it coming’ moment, for some people it’s surprising, for others it’s really fucking sad… all of them and everything else is so valid

we ARE allowed to grieve a server that isn’t ’technically dead’. we ARE allowed to grieve the times when qsmp was bursting with life, all the ccs, eggs and npcs interacting and providing us with so much entertainment across so many timezones, countries and languages. those times are gone, and we are allowed to feel how we feel about that.

there’s no right way or wrong way to feel when something you loved so dearly is gone - sure, some characters got to KIND OF leave on their own terms as best they could with the rushed endings they were allowed, and for other characters it’s now up to us to do their stories justice.

the server represents so much more than the silly block game, it’s reflected in the friendships between the ccs that otherwise wouldn’t have met, the community and friendships that have flourished in the too-short time we had with the server’s golden days, and the content that will continue to still be created by the community to keep these characters and their stories alive

i’m sorry you’re hurting, anon, i’m hurting too! but we’ll be okay, eventually x

[varlaisvea]

Happy 10th birthday to my main, Quest Completer! The Vestige, the Hero of Coldharbour, Savior of Tamriel and Nirn, The Soulless, Moon-Hallowed, High King's Arrow, Eye of the Queen, Ahkatuz, Champion of dozens of dignitaries, deities, and political factions, and of course, Grand Master Crafter! Here she is with the senche-tiger she got for being old.

All of my characters have silly names like this, but unlike Quest Completer, the rest of them all have lore-appropriate 'real' names in my mind. The rest of them are people with fleshed-out backstories and reasons why they became Heroes. But QC is just The Vestige, the one without a soul (or a personality to speak of) and no memory of the past. The Vestige asks a ton of dumbass questions, such as "what does a queen do, exactly?", and in my mind this is because, while saving all of existence is a mundane occurrence to them, they are forever figuring out how to exist in a totally unfamiliar world while also being among the most powerful people in its history.

Because of that, and because the Vestige's dialogue contains very little emotion or humor, in my mind QC is basically No Fun and allows herself little ostentation. Even her whimsy, she takes deadly seriously, like she always has a great costume for themed dungeon runs, but she's lowkey competitive about having the best fit. She's a dual-wielding stamina-based Aedric Spear Templar DPS—about as basic as it gets, but she doesn't care about that; it's a very effective way to do a lot of violence, you have to admit. Despite her litany of accomplishments, she enjoys simple pleasures, like moving furniture around 1 centimeter at a time, learning crafting recipes, and running around fields looking for things to harvest. This woman and Bastian Hallix are bffs for a reason.

I overhauled her look for the occasion. Here she is new armor goofin:

And after 10 years I finally convinced her to get all dolled up for something other than a dungeon.

ESO was my first MMO; I liked Skyrim (my first open-world RPG) so much that I bought a computer just to play ESO when it came out. QC was the first character I made, when I had no idea what a 'build' was. She is maxed out in every crafting skill and weapon skill line, and every morph of all of her Class skills. QC made it to Veteran Rank 16 before the Champion system was introduced. She is only just now doing the Craglorn quests because she reached the end of Cadwell's Silver and Cadwell's Gold (both required to advance) over a year before One Tamriel, and I didn't know anyone else playing ESO, so I couldn't access group content. QC is old enough to remember when it was a bizarre occurrence to see another player outside of a city (or at all at night, in the Pacific timezone). She's also old enough to remember picking up literally every single quest she came upon because there just weren't that many quests to do. She truly is the Quest Completer.

QC and I learned how the fuck video games work together. Here's to another 10 years!

[charlesandmiranda]

Arrival!

Writing to you this morning from our hotel breakfast! Just wanted to fill in everyone about the rest of our trip before we start our first full day. I doubt we'll be able to post EVERY SINGLE DAY WE'RE HERE but we're definitely gonna try and keep it frequent enough to be interesting!

From our last post, we were heading from Baltimore to Toronto, which was a very quick hour and a half-ish flight. From Toronto, we headed straight to our gate to which started boarding shortly thereafter, so it was a pretty quick turn around. It was almost kind of a shame because airport was actually kinda pretty, and I wouldn't have hated a few extra minutes to look around at all the really lavishly decorated restaurants and stuff.

Then came the 14 hour flight. It IS a very long time, don't get me wrong, and by the end my back was VERY achy and my legs definitely craved stretching but also they keep the windows closed and the lights low for most of the trip so you honestly kind of lose track of how long you've been on there.

Charles and I both watched some movies on the flight; we started the first two episodes of Severance (which was also provided on the flight and I've been curious about for a while anyway -- anyone else here seen it?) and played games on our Switches. I also read a lot; I loaded my e-reader up before we left. In a weird way it was kind of nice to have such a long, uninterrupted time where there was nothing to do but leisure activities even if you're doing them in a mostly uncomfortable way --I think Charles and I (Charles especially) struggle with justifying how we spend our free time, always feeling like there has to be something else we can be working on or doing, but it's kind of a bad habit and terrible mental state to always be in, so we're working on it. Unfortunately, neither of us managed to get much sleep on the flight despite our best efforts, I think I managed maybe 20 minutes total?? So it wasn't super restful for sure.

Thankfully, our flight was kinda ahead of schedule, and we ended up landing around 5:00 PM / 17:00 which is like....3:00 AM for those of you in the Eastern US timezone! We're 12 hours ahead of y'all, so when I'm writing this, I'm writing to you from the future!!!

After getting through customs and immigration, baggage, etc. we were stopped by a news crew from a show called Why Did You Come To Japan? They seem to stop tourists at the airport pretty regularly, and we ended up talking to them for a while. Charles said that as someone who used to be a camera guy himself, he always tries to stop for folks filming stuff like that, because he knows how hard it can be to get people to talk to you and work with you. They were very interested in the fact it was our honeymoon, and that we got engaged here, and even more interested that we were really into Oishinbo, which is a food manga from the 80s/90s. It's not super popular in the US although personally I love & recommend it, and I kinda get the impression from the crew we spoke to that it's a classic but kinda old fashioned here. They said in all their years of doing these interviews, it was their first time having a foreigner mention it. They gave us a card and a slip of paper and asked us to contact them again, because they may be interested in meeting up with us again later in our trip to film more for the show (!?) so we'll see how that pans out I guess!

Speaking of, after we finally left the airport, we took the Skyliner train to Nippori, and then transferred to a JR Line train to get us to Shinjuku station. We've stayed in Shinjuku for at least part or all of our trips in the past, and it kind of feels like a home base for us now. We usually stay in or around the Kabukicho area, which is known as an entertainment district with lots of nightlife. If you want brilliantly lit signs and that crowded cyberpunk-y look, Kabukicho is a great place to be!

NOT THAT IT SUPER MATTERS, BUT the card in the photo, with Hello kitty and other Sanrio characters on it, is a Pasmo card, we each got one. Basically it's a little card that you can add money to, and you can use it to pay fare on most trains and buses, as well as lots of vending machines and stuff like that. You can top it off as you go as well.

We checked in to our hotel, the Shinjuku Gracery, and IMMEDIATELY needed to stretch out on the bed and shower the sweaty airport off of us, haha. The Gracery is built on top of a Toho Cinema movie theater, and the whole hotel has a very classy Godzilla theme to it. There's a to-scale Godzilla head built on top of part of the building, looking like he's about to demolish it, and he roars and blows steam out of his mouth, haha. To be honest, a night in the Gracery is one of our "we're on our honeymoon, we deserve this!" splurges -- it's one of the more expensive parts of our trip, given the rest of the time we'll be staying in smaller hotels and airbnbs and the like. We dished out a little extra cash to stay in what they call a Godzilla view room, where you can see the head of Godzilla that is mounted to the roof of the hotel from your room! Totally cool. I had to include specifically a picture of the shower, because I loooove these big hotel showers!

(sadly the filter for this exhibit not only doesn't fit my phone screen but also insanely reduced the image quality LOL)

We took a rest, then headed out to get a bite to eat. We hit up a ramen shop we'd been to in the past, and spent a while walking around the Kabukicho area, including the micro-bar district, Golden Gai. It was interesting to see what's changed and what hasn't since we were here last; for example, they were in the process of demolishing a VR arcade when we were last here, and now there's an ENORMOUS, lux-looking hotel in its place!

We ended up in the unfortunate position of feeling physically very tired but mentally pretty awake, and even though we spent time in our hotel room soaking in the bath, it was probably 1 AM our time before we actually fell asleep, meaning we were up for like....32 hours straight, I think?

Today, our plan is to check out a few shops in the area around Kabukicho, and a little later we'll be checking out and moving on to Akihabara, where our next hotel is. It's well known for being crammed with electronics and used and new like....nerd stuff, and is pretty close to a district jam packed with guitar shops, so we'll have a pretty full day! Stay tuned I suppose!!

Til next time!

[umazane-muesli]

Jukebox January: Day 1

This is a tag started by @esskuesli ! Here is the info :)

I know it's past midnight in my timezone but uuuuh please let's pretend it's still January 1 and I'm not late (or let's pretend my lateness is totally intentional in honour of birthday boy and notorious late boy Jan Peteh)

Also I hope you won't mind, I kind of want to bend the rules a little bit... there are things that I want to include on some days that are not songs (but still start with each letter), like albums, genres, etc. I hope that's okay.

I included some spotify links for convenience but it's limited to 10 per post, so not all songs have them, sorry.

Anyway, here's my list for today:

A sem ti povedal - Live from Arena Stožice by Joker Out

Considering the nature of this blog, I just had to kick this off with a Joker Out song. I love both the studio and the live versions, but in honour of the concert movie (which I haven't watched yet lol), here is the Stožice version with the beautiful trumpet intro.

Aikuinen (feat. Vinttikoira) by Käärijä

Aaaaand here is a Käärijä song as well, of course. Aikuinen is one of my favourite of his songs, both for the music and the very relatable lyrics (or at least their translation, I still don't speak Finnish).

Avalanche by Leonard Cohen

A good portion of the songs I listen to are because of some other brainrot, be it tv shows, movies, books or anything else. Honestly you could track whatever I've been obsessed with in any given year just by looking at what Leonard Cohen song is on my spotify wrapped (his songs are good for soundtracks, what can I say). This one was used in Our flag means death, but also it's just a damn good song.

Look, is this a bit cringe? Yes. But is it fun to belt out while drunk at some lame village party? Also yes. It's a classic 80s French song (if you grow up in some rural swiss village that didn't know rap existed until like 2005 you'll know a lot of those)(yes i'm exaggerating a bit but still)

While we're on the topic of slightly cringe, I don't listen to them anymore, but shoutout to 15 year old me who was doodling little aliens everywhere because of this album. It's gonna be okay buddy I promise.

Literally nothing I love more than a good overdramatic 80s power ballad. Hell yes.

I love this song and also I have a little bit of a soft spot for Paulo Londra (even though I know nothing about him other than his music) because he's from Córdoba (Argentina) where I lived for a little bit, so it reminds me of good times :)

I used to listen to Charlie Winston when I was much younger and honestly his new album is a banger, I've enjoyed getting back into his music.

A Curious Thing by Amy Macdonald

This is not a song but an album, and it's very dear to my heart. Amy Macdonald is one of the artists I've consistently been listening to for the longest. I love all of her albums, but A Curious Thing is one of the first albums I bought with my own money as a teenager, when I went to London with my mom. It was the first time I was ever on a plane, so now every time I fly I listen to this album. Very silly ritual, I know, but I still do it.

And now a bunch of miscellaneous songs about which I don't really have anything to say but I still enjoy: