#i know it's not odium that's for sure but that's about where my list ends

[syl-stormblessed]

listen i'm trying soooooo hard to remember what Kaladin's baby brother's name is. im like there's Kaladin, Tien, and...........Ordon?!?!? like no that's the village from twilight princess. Ollie?!!?!? no that's Junie B Jones's little brother. i cannot for the life of me remember Kaladin's brother's name.

[cosmerelists]

What will happen to Kaladin in Stormlight 5?

[Major spoilers for The Lost Metal, oddly enough. Minor spoilers for preview chapters of Secret Project 4]

I previously made some suggestions about who Odium’s champion might be. There was even a poll! Now I want to think about Kaladin. Stormlight 5 is the end of Arc 1. After that, there will be about a 10-year gap before Stormlight 6. Let me lay out some guesses as to what might happen to Kaladin at the end of Arc 1. 

1. Kaladin dies.

Let’s get this out of the way first. My deepest fear--and motivation for this list--is that Kaladin might die in Stormlight 5. I remember when The Lost Metal was coming out, and everyone seemed convince that either Wax or Wayne would die, and, well, we weren’t wrong. And I’m getting a similar vibe about Kaladin in Stormlight 5.

Evidence in favor: Sanderson isn’t shy about killing off main characters. Kaladin is the one who always survives when nobody else does...and that feels like something that an author might want to subvert.

Evidence against: Kaladin is only, what? 22? After a 10-year time skip, he’d still be a baby! Plus Moash said Kaladin can’t be killed, and would Moash ever lie to us?

2. Kaladin “dies” (but remains as a Cognitive Shadow)

Roshar has its fair share of Cognitive Shadows--the Fused, the Heralds, the Stormfather apparently, to say nothing of world-hopping Returned like Vasher. I don’t know what mechanism might cause Kaladin to anchor himself (or be anchored) to the Physical Realm after death--but it would be an option that allows him to die (but not really).

Evidence in favor: Kaladin did have that long conversation with Zahel about different types of Invested Entities and how souls could stay around after death. Including this quote from ROW: “And if you let a man die with too Invested a soul—or Invest him right as he’s dying—he’ll leave behind a shadow you can nail back onto a body.” Foreshadowing? 

Plus, in Secret Project 4, we do have the moment where Sigzil sees a person-shape and says, “Kal?” Almost like he thinks Kal might still be around somehow. 

Evidence against: We already had this happen to Szeth, and also a major theme of Arc 1 seems to be breaking the cycle--letting the Fused and/or the Heralds actually die. So I don’t know if Kaladin turning into a Cognitive Shadow makes narrative or character sense as an ending.

3. Kaladin lives and retires.

But maybe I’m scared for no reason. Maybe Kaladin will not only live...but get out. Retire. Become Roshar’s best therapist while also getting therapy himself. Maybe he’ll get full nights of sleep and good food and experience some joy.

Evidence in favor: Sanderson already had a nice deconstruction of the hero archetype by having Kaladin retire from the army and invent therapy, even turning down the Odium fight. It would be nice if that arc could continue to its happiest logical end. Also - HE DESERVES IT

Evidence against: Does Kaladin ever get to be happy? His life is suffering.

4. Kaladin lives and will simply be in Arc 2

There is another arc coming up, and Kaladin is only 22 right now. Maybe there won’t be any sort of “Kaladin end” at all--maybe he’ll just a 30-something Windrunner in Arc 2, still doing his Kaladin Routine (aka, saving the day).

Evidence in favor: Surely we need to see all of the Windrunner oaths, right? Unless Kaladin speedruns them, I don’t see them all getting finished in just one more book.

Evidence against: I just...I haven’t seen Kaladin mentioned in Arc 2 stuff unless I’ve missed something. And I dunno. Sanderson seems to like at least one major character death per series. 

5. Kaladin becomes a Worldhopper

I don’t know why this would be the case--but this would just be another way for Kaladin either to leave the story without dying, or for Stormlight to expand to the wider Cosmere. 

Evidence in favor: Honestly, this is again based on Secret Project 4 and Sigzil’s “Kal?” line. And my faint hope that Kaladin will continue to live.

Evidence against: Honestly, I just haven’t really seen this foreshadowed or anything. Seems kind of random.

5. Kaladin ascends

Listen, I know Honor is dead and all. So this is probably impossible. But Kaladin becoming Honor feels somehow...right to me. I think this mainly tickles my brain because Kaladin is called the “son of Tanavast” and Sanderson said that would be meaningful. And although Honor is shattered, his Cognitive Shadow is merged with the Stormfather, and some portion of his power seems to remain--could Kaladin take that up somehow? Become the new Honor?

Evidence in favor: There is definite precedent for main characters ending up in possession of Shards. And we still don’t know why the Stormfather calls Kaladin the “Son of Tanavast” and why Sanderson said that’s meaningful.

Evidence against: Honor is dead. (But we’ll see what Kaladin can do?)

Opinions? Take the poll!

[whatishoid]

Rhythm of War - Brandon Sanderson

“That’s the problem with your worldview. You gave up before the battle started.” 

4th book in my favorite series The Stormlight Archive. I loved this book so much and I will do this review a little differently because I have some thoughts. First part is spoiler free and under that will be thoughts that I had while reading and after finishing the book. 

Characters: I was really happy with the characters who got more page time in this book. And especially Kaladin’s journey in this book was so good. Navani is amazing. She is one of my new favorite characters for sure. There were also many interesting characters that I just wanted to follow more. It didn’t bother me that we didn’t see that much of Dalinar in this book. I do like him as a character but in this book I was interested more in the situation that was going on elsewhere. Characters are my favorite part of The Stormlight Archive and I loved the way they were written in this book also. And my favorite character list just continues to grow. 

Pacing of the book: I think that people have mixed opinions about pacing in this book but for me it worked. And well if you enjoy this series you know what you get with the pacing. The beginning was my least favorite part. I don’t even know why. There were scenes that I really liked but at that point I wasn't yet that invested in. But at the end of part 2, I was so excited because after that the stakes were high and all the scenes and characters were so interesting to me. I also liked the ending and the epilogue scares me a little. That was something I didn’t think would be possible. 

World: I love this world and I enjoyed knowing more about it. I don’t have anything more to say about it. I just love this world so much. 

I feel like this might be my favorite book in the series but I’m not sure. I love all the books in this series so much so it’s hard to decide which one is my favorite.   5/5

Some thoughts while reading. There will be spoilers. 

These might be all over the place and I apologise for that.

It was so hard to listen to all the things that Moash was saying to Kaladin and trying to break him and later how he and Odium were trying to break him more. F*ck Moash. But I loved that Renarin was the one who took Kaladin away from there.

I really loved how Kaladin is trying to improve mental health care because that is not handled very well in Roshar. And I have to say that Brandon writes depression really well and I’m really thankful for that. Sometimes it’s hard to read what’s going on with Kaladin but it’s still really important to me. Noril said it so well,  what Kaladin means to so many people. “He’s got the emptiness, bad as I do. But he still gets up. He still fights. So I figure I can too.” And I hated Lirin in this book. He is not the worst but I just don’t like him and the things he said to Kaladin. 

I loved to see Navani and Kaladin working together in Urithiru.

And about Navani, when someone was contacting her I just instantly thought they were a spren and Navani would bond with them. So yay I was right about that. And I loved how it happened. We get to see that Gavilar was telling her that she is not worthy and Sibling telling her the same thing but she just refused that. The character growth in that moment. 

And someone as amazing as Navani thinking that she is not enough or that she is a fraud. So that moment where she bonded with Sibling and faced Moash was so good.

Wit and Jasnah are something I didn’t know that I needed. I love how they work together. And the scene with Highprince Ruthar, damn. 

I love that Adolin is bringing Maya back to life through their friendship. Adoling is such a sweet and caring person. He tries so hard to help everyone and deserves so much more. Also I was a little disappointed with his arc in this book. I just want to see him show what he is capable of and I didn’t feel like we get that yet in this book. But other than that I really liked him in this book. I just want to see more of him. The scene where Maya joined in the fight with him was so cool. And winning the trial because Maya could speak for herself with the help of their friendship. I loved that scene. 

Raboniel is a really interesting character. I like the fact that no one seems to know what she’s planning. Also the fact that she is somehow so calm in certain situations and seems even amused even though her plan is interrupted. And after reading the whole book I loved Raboniel. She is one of my favorite characters now. It's a shame that we won't get to see her in the future. Also I really liked Navani’s and Raboniel's friendship in this book. Yeah I'm calling it a friendship. 

After reading the chapter with Jasnah in the battle I realised that we have usually seen her through other character’s point of view and I want to know more about her, the way she feels and thinks. I just need more Jasnah and to get to know her better. Not only others' opinions of her.

I’m so excited to see that Renarin will have a big role in solving everything. At least I hope so. And also after the ending  I'm afraid for him because Taravangian knows. 

I want to know what Taravangian's plan is if it's something Dalinar would not do, I just want to know. It’s so funny because I was such a fool. I trusted in Taravangian and really thought he would help them against Odium. Well that did not go the way I thought. 

Venli helping Rlain makes me so excited and I'm waiting to see her learning her powers and everything with that. Also the scene where Leshwi finally knows about Venli having those powers and her reaction to that was so touching. 

I hate how Shallan is acting towards Pattern. Yeah he lied about something but still it’s Pattern. Could you just listen to what he is trying to say. I like Shallan but so often she just annoys me too much and this situation with Pattern is one of them. 

Just ask and don't run away. I’m so glad that I was right about Pattern. I just hate that Shallan so quickly thought the worst of him. And he was just trying to help Shallan. I feel so bad for him. 

Rlain deserves better. I hate how everyone treats him. And even though I somehow know that Navani is the one bonding with Sibling, I really hoped that it would be with Rlain when they were talking about it. But I’m glad that Rlain is finally bonding with spren. Also when Renarin was talking about someone suitable for that I just knew he was talking about Rlain. And I’m so excited to see them possibly getting closer in the next book. 

So if Shallan will do what Mraize is telling her to do I will be so disappointed because I want to see what Adolin can do to win that trial and not this. So glad this didn’t happen. And about Shallan in this book. I didn’t love it. I think the end with this new persona Formless was too fast. And at the same time I really liked how Veil helped Shallan to get better. So I don't know how I feel about that. It was okay but it just felt too fast. 

So the chapter with Dabbid made me cry and I hope that Dabbid will bond with the same kind of spren that Renarin has.  

Teft finally thinks that he was worth saving and after that Moash kills him. That hurts so much.  

I knew that Kaladin would say the words in this book to reach the 4th ideal and I really liked how that scene went.

Taravangian killed Odium and took his place????? I did not see that coming. Also he fooled Hoid and took some of his memories, I’m scared because who can do that. What is going to happen. Part of me is so excited for this because Taravangian is such an interesting character and part of me is scared. I have no idea what is going to happen and can’t wait to read the 5th book. 

I could talk about this book so much more but I think this is already too long. Sorry about that. But yeah I enjoyed this book so much and can’t wait to reread The Stormlight Archive. 

[preservationandruin]

Rhythm Of War Liveblog Part One, Part 1 (Chapters 1-2)

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On to Part One of Rhythm of War, after I finish screaming at the ghost of Gavilar Kholin. Actually, we can’t wait for that, I’m never going to be done screaming at the ghost of Gavilar Kholin. 

Our POVs are Kaladin, Shallan, Navani, Venli, and Lirin--so Kal’s family is coming back to prominence, I guess. It’s a short update, but I gotta go to work. 

Lirin talks about the ethics of continuing a hopeless fight, Syl lets loose an “I told you so” first thing, we see a new and terrifying variant of Fused, I come up with a new, more accurate name for the Sons of Honor; Veil finally gets kidnapped; I start getting philosophical about the ethics of continuing a hopeless fight; and Kaladin organizes an airlift. 

Epigraphs for this part seem to be a lecture that Navani gave on how to trap spren in fabrials, so that’s cool.

Alright, so our timing here is a year after the fall of Alethkar, and Herdaz has been next on the Voidbringers’ target list. They’ve been fighting the entire time, but the voidbringers have intensified their assault and now refugees are pouring into the villages in Alethkar; Lirin is insisting on examining everyone as they come in, making sure that he can find people who need treatment early. The leader of Hearthstone now is Brightness Abiajan--from the name, I’m assuming she’s one of the singers. 

Also, apparently someone is coming through this line today that Lirin is anxious about. Abiajan comes to talk to Lirin, wondering if he has no compassion because he’s so numb to others’ suffering--he explains that he has to numb it to survive as a surgeon. She mentions that he set her arm, once, when she was a child. Also, hilariously, Abiajan says that plaguespren cause plague and that the idea that it’s improper sanitation is superstition. 

Laral, Kaladin’s childhood friend, is helping out now, determined. Apparently the person that Lirin is worried about is a Herdazian general; Lirin does see him as responsible for much of the current strife for continuing to fight; however, he’s not going to turn him in, and instead has contacted Kaladin to come pick him up while Laral helps Roshone make a distraction. 

Lirin’s condemnation of continuing a hopeless war as something that just gets people killed and is stupid (”Heroism is a myth you tell idealistic young people. It got one of my sons killed and another taken from me”) makes sense and is deeply sad. It’s also a good second perspective on the fact that so much of Roshar’s narrative has been about being forced to choose between two bad options and having the resolve to find another path or stick with the honorable thing--Lirin here is a reminder that that’s not always an option and sometimes makes things worse. “I obey the person who holds the sword to my neck, General, same as I always have.” 

Heroism isn’t always an option. Heroism can get you killed and hurt the people around you. You have to be willing to take responsibility for that in order to try heroism, and that’s some of what Kaladin has had to struggle with, too--the fact that he can’t protect everyone and that his actions will lead to death sometimes.

Also, shoutout to Roshone for actually making a distraction here, good on you buddy. Anyway Lirin noticed that the parshmen always focus on what appears to be the person being seen to rather than, say, the people carrying the litter--probably because they’re used to the people doing those menial tasks being unnoticed and unspoken to, and have absorbed that norm of society? I don’t know, but Lirin is exploiting it. 

Oh man, someone has visited Hearthstone, someone who Abiajan refers to as having blessed them, and she demands that Lirin come with her and that nobody leave the town. It’s one of the Fused, and it’s interrogating people about Kaladin--and they noticed that Kaladin was there, and Lirin notes that he barely recognizes Kaladin anymore, referring to him as the “harsh man Kaladin had become.” 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, just let Kaladin babysit people this book, let him rest, he deserves it. I mean, what’s happening is him having to fight again, but he deserves rest.  

Cut to Kaladin’s perspective, Syl is delivering an “I told you so” about them being spotted, which is so relentlessly on-brand. Kaladin notes that he’s not looking at Lirin to avoid giving Lirin away, and also because “he knew what he would see. disappointment. So, nothing new.” 

HEY. SOMEONE LOVE AND APPRECIATE KALADIN STORMBLESSED PLEASE HE’S DOING HIS BEST. 

Meanwhile,  Kaladin is learning the different “orders” of Fused; he’s mostly dealt with the shanay-im, “those of the heavens,” who share the flight of windrunners. Apparently Jasnah posited there would be ten orders, logically, and Dalinar--offering no explanation for how he knew--said it would only be nine. I mean, at this point if anyone knows Odium it’s Dalinar. 

Also, this Fused has learned not to do single combat, which is Kaladin’s normal mode of dealing with them. I wonder if the order they’re modelled after affects their behavior--honorspren create windrunners, and agreeing to a one-on-one duel is a very honorable thing to do. Maybe there’s more connection there than either side wants to realize. 

Ok, so what we know about this new Fused: 

Teleports via shooting their spren forward, then forming a new body of voidlight and stone where they end up. 

Probably elsecaller-linked (teleportation and then forming things out of energy) 

Favors exploiting teleportation to allow for a grappling fighting style and sneaking into blind spots extremely quickly (big rogue energy) 

Teleportation ability is extremely costly, can only be done three times before needing to recharge on Voidlight. 

Does not teleport instantaneously; the spren-travel can be outrun, as Kaladin does by lashing himself forward five times (so, approximately five times the speed of gravity on Roshar, which is not gravity’s speed on earth, is faster than them; they’re considerably slower than light, even though that’s what they look like)

Can’t transport objects/make them from voidlight; clothing is a hair wrap and weapons are fragments of their skin

He leaves but tells Kaladin to watch for him; it also seems like Kaladin’s depression is coming back. Syl shows up to talk to him, wearing a different style--she’s been taking fashion notes from Adolin, which is hilarious. 

Meanwhile, Veil is wandering around the Sadeas warcamps, irritated that she hasn’t been kidnapped yet, or even mugged. Also, Veil and Shallan are apparently teaching Radiant to appreciate humor, which is great. Adolin and his soldiers are apparently backing her up for this hopeful kidnapping, which is reassuring--I’m glad she’s not going it alone, although she’s very competent. She’s pretending to be a merchant who has a way in past Dalinar’s tariffs and is also implying he doesn’t have the authority to demand them. 

Ooh, specifically Shallan is hunting the Hypocrite’s Association, which is what I’m calling the Sons of Honor for the moment I guess. For a moment, while they’re doing accounting, Shallan starts having a bit of a memory come back; Veil suggests it might be time to remember everything, but Shallan shuts that down. 

Apparently, in the grand tradition of Sadeases not knowing when they’re beaten, Ialai is plotting treason. Ialai, how did that go for the last two Brightlords Sadeas? I’m begging you, quit while you’re...behind, honestly. But still alive. Anyway, the wine was drugged--finally--so they have officially been kidnapped! 

Back to Kaladin,  Syl is trying to convince him that it’s easy to sleep, he just has to lie down and pretend to be dead for a few hours (oh, Syl, honey, you’re trying to help but that’s not...that’s not it) but Kaladin is noting that it feels like life is strangely disconnected for him, like it keeps going for everyone else and he’s in stasis. 

Chronic depression is a bitch. 

Syl cheers him up by doing a terrible Kaladin impression, though. I love her. Kaladin goes back to talk to the singers, telling them that there’s a shelter half an hour to the east and telling them not to fight if they don’t want to die. They, of course, fight, which Kaladin doesn’t like; it’s very Alethi of them, though, to throw themselves forward. 

Again, we’re back to whether or not there’s heroism in fighting a fight you can’t win. Even with Ialai, kind of--continuing to fight against Dalinar when she can’t win it. Hopeless fights are all well and good when your protagonists do them and it works, this part seems to be pointing out, but what if they fail? And how does it feel to be on the other side of them? 

Anyway, the others retreat, and Kaladin gets to meet with his mom and baby Oroden (who pronounces his name as “Gagadin;” i’m gonna CRY). Syl always appears to Kal’s family. Also, apparently Kaladin was dating Lyn, which is wild because I’m almost positive based on her appearance last book that she’s gay as fuck, and she broke up with him. Also, Syl and Hesina are ganging up on Kaladin and it’s great. 

"It’s demonstrably unfair that I have to deal with both of you at once,” Kaladin said. 

Meanwhile it also turns out that the Radiants haven’t been supporting Herdaz because they saw it falling as inevitable, but it’s continued fighting against all odds. Another perspective: is it alright to abandon others fighting a fight that you assume is impossible, when it could be winnable with your strength? 

Also, apparently the Mink likes to sneak away from his guards without letting them notice, and he’s done it again here. That’s pretty impressive, I’ve got to say, although Kaladin is aghast at the idea of leaving one’s men behind like that (of course). 

Also, Kaladin organized one of Navani’s platforms to essentially airlift out all of Hearthstone. Trying to save as many people as he can, even still. 

[ussjellyfish]

would you ever write a time travel au?

sure! here’s the somewhat angsty middle of the night version my brain likes. 

Phil dies in Tahiti, Melinda May scatters his ashes into the sea. Later, the team comes back to pick her up (they need her) and they’re back from space, with Enoch.

She’s destroyed (as is the team, of course) and Enoch mentions that this is only one potential timeline, and he’s sorry that this is the one where everything works out except Phil Coulson. Everything else is fine, Fitz and Simons are together, Robin is safe, Deke lives…but Phil is gone. 

May sits with Enoch on the beach, asking him about the other potential timelines, eventually, out of pity, he explains that there’s a piece of the monolith left, he has it. This timeline is fine, everyone will be fine, but there’s a hole where Coulson should be. 

Changing it will be difficult, she might have to do it over and over, one little change will change everything. 

But only she’ll remember.

Melinda decides that’s fine and back she goes. 

The first time, she forces herself to leave her cubicle after Bahrain and join the Avengers Initiative. She saves Phil from Loki’s scepter, but the Avengers come together too slowly to defeat the creatures destroying New York, and millions of civilians die. 

She allows him to be stabbed, but just in the lung, not in the heart. She sits on the deck with him, trying to keep him alive until help arrves. They end up together, years before they did in the normal timeline, but without what they learned about the Tahiti project from Phil, they can’t save Daisy later, when she gets shot by Quinn. 

After several more tries, she realizes Phil has to die for the Avengers to save the world and she’s pretty pissed about that. The team also doesn’t form correctly if she joins him too early. He has to be the reason she leaves her cubicle, they have to have Ward (as much as she hates it, in one timeline she murders Ward the first time they share a bed, it’s satisfying, but makes a mess of everything.)

She resets over and over, making lists of things she has to get right. Phil has to die. The teams has to include everyone that it does. Daisy has to be shot, she has to turn, Fitz and Simmons have to fall from the plane into the sea, she has to lose the Bus. She can’t save Trip, or keep Bobbi and Hunter with them. 

Sometimes she makes a mistake and gets too close to Phil too quickly. If he doesn’t fall for Rosalind, Ward doesn’t die and become Hive.

In one timeline, Andrew walks in on her kissing Phil goodbye before the timeline resets and she has a conversation with Andrew out of time, out of place, about how much she loves Phil Coulson. It doesn’t change how she feels for Andrew, she loves him, and always will, but she has this too. They talk into the night, watch the sun come up over the Playground together. Andrew remarks that she’s older, and she’s just going to reset everything so she tells him the truth. She’s changing the timeline, over and over, and she can’t save him. (she’s tried) Andrew has to become Lash to save Daisy. 

“That’s how I go?” he asks her. 

Crying, she nods, and he touches her face. 

“Daisy’s like a daughter to you, I always thought you’d be great with a daughter. Find your way home, Melinda, whatever it takes.”

She kisses him and ends that timeline, starts again. Andrew has to die. Rosalind has to die. So much suffering and pain has to occur just to get to the right point.

It’s after the framework, after Phil lifts her down from that fake reality, when she wanders almost sick with all the memories in her head, that she stumbles into the conversation where Phil decides they need to take a step back.

He’s made that deal with the Rider, and he will die. 

Maybe that’s the point she needs to find. Get before. She corners Robbie, demands to speak with the demon itself. Phil made a deal. The rider knows, he sees right through her, she’s not supposed to be here. 

She no longer gives a fuck. Make the deal with her instead. She has no alien blood, she can host the rider just fine. 

She won’t like it. 

She’s literally already seen hell, watched members of her team die over and over, even watched the world end, a little fire doesn’t scare her. the rider takes her over and she fights Aida, destroying her. 

Phil stares at her with awe, even surprise. When the Rider’s gone and she falls to her knees, sweaty and spent, he holds her. “I had the same idea.”

They go to the diner and don’t get any pie. 

Her leg is still impaled (fuck she forgot how that much that hurt) she keeps waiting for something to go wrong, for the timeline to collapse and the team to die, but things happen as they should, Flint puts the pieces together, Phil saves Daisy, they arrive back in the future and he’s not dying, there’s no veins on his chest.

He doesn’t collapse while they’re arguing, she doesn’t have to watch him drag himself up.  She’s not angry with him, not so furious she can’t breathe when he turns himself over to General Hale.

He’s fine, but now she’s the broken part. She hasn’t said she loves him. Everything’s moving along, Fitz and Simmons get married, Deke’s annoying, he gets shot but they save him, Phil comes back, and May wants to be angry with him, she wants to tell him how much of an idiot he is, but she can’t.

He’s not dying. He’s fine. 

Time slips away from her, mixing with her memories, but then it slips. Daisy doesn’t get the centipede serum. If she doesn’t get that, she won’t be able to defeat Graviton. 

She meets with the Candyman herself, finds the last centipede, and this time when they discuss how to fight, the vote goes in favor of the Odium. Everyone thinks that’s the best idea.

Melinda throws it on the ground.

Phil takes her in the hall and tries to figure out what she’s hiding, what she’s been carrying around and she loses it. She’s been through way to much for him, always for him, to let him lecture her like that. 

“I love you, and I’m not going to let you die.”

“Die?” (even here, he can’t deal with I love you). 

She tells him the whole story, and she’s never talked so much in her entire existence as she does that night. 

In the end, he sits beside her on the bed in his quarters, hands folded in his lap. 

“You did that for me?”

“I love you.”

“you mentioned that.”

“Don’t make me watch you die again, I can’t, I won’t–”

And he kisses her. It’s too early. They’re not supposed to kiss until the alien ship and she can’t just collapse into him like she does but she can’t help herself, she’s tired. She’s worn to a thread of who she is. She’s been through hell, but he’s still alive.

And he stays alive.

Phil kisses her anyway, while bullets fly around them. Daisy teases him. He slips the centipede into Daisy’s gauntlet, so she can save them all, and then they’re done, standing there, hand in hand while the world doesn’t end. 

She has to watch Fitz die, again, and it hurts just as much as the first time, but she needs the other Fitz, she needs Enoch.

Enoch stares through her. Reads it all in her face. She hasn’t even been to Tahiti, she and Phil went to space to help find Fitz and yes, she’s snuck into his bunk, but it feels like her skin’s on fire whenever she closes her eyes. 

“You saved Coulson, and the world. Can you live with this one?” he asks her when she returns the piece of the monolith.

The rider has no price to extract from her, she’s already paid in deaths and suffering, in all that she carries with her. Phil knows, he can feel it when she lets herself fall into his chest at night. 

it’s worth it. 

This time, when she scatters his ashes into the sea, she’s surrounded by family. Fitz and Simmons’ oldest just got married, Daisy’s youngest just finished high school, Mack and Elena are about to be grandparents. 

The Rider comes for her years later still, at the momemt of her death, when her hair has gone pure white and her fingers no longer respond to her wishes.

She smiles at that creature. What else could it possibly want?

They made a deal.

She paid her end.

That she did.

Melinda wakes up on the beach, asleep on Phil’s chest and the scent of him drags her back through the years. She’s in Tahiti, again, but Phil’s heartbeat is strong beneath her.

She lifts her head, stares at him in wonder. the veins are gone, the Zephyr left them here, his face isn’t mapped in lines and her hands move. 

“What happened?”

“We fell asleep.”

“But your chest…”

The lines are gone. Phil remembers nothing, her own memories evaporate as if they sun’s burning them away. The hint of sulfur carries on the wind, and then they’re alone.

But he lives. 

[nightblink]

Blink Reads Oathbringer - Chapters 31-32, Interludes I-1 to I-3

Short one this time, but it’s the end of Part One and the Interludes, so I can start the next one off directly at Part Two.

Chapter Thirty-One – Demands of the Storm

Finally we get another Kaladin chapter. I've missed you.

No wonder nobody's heard news out of Revolar for a while now.

[laughs] Again thinking like a soldier, Kaladin. Cities usually aren't so organized as warcamps; they grow in a more organic fashion.

(As ever, Kaladin is proud of the newest of his adoptions.)

There's going to have to be a complete social upheaval one way or another. No more Parshmen, maybe eliminate slavery entirely. That's certainly something you can throw your weight behind, Kal. To take part in a war, though…

I love how Syl is hiding between his collar and hair. Those glorious, thick curls are serving a purpose other than just making him pretty, for once.

A Parshman in warform, and with a strong Rhythm! But not with red eyes – warform isn't one of those associated with Voidspren. Whoop, but there is a red-eyed one, and they're calling that kind/form 'the Fused'. Definitely Odium at work here.

Yep, time to make like the wind and fly.

Syl, let him have the gloryspren! Still, Syl getting jealous-protective of Kaladin omg

Kal, she's not a GPS

Hovering above a city as a storm roars in probably isn't the best place to talk to Syl about ethics, but it definitely needed to be said. For all that she's been with him for quite a while now, she still has a rather limited view of the world, and doesn't always understand the chain of cause-and-effect.

“It's about what you see as right and wrong.” “For once, I'd like my moral code to not come with a list of exceptions at the end.” Thank you Sanderson for giving them time to talk about that part of the bond and Oaths, because that's needed to be discussed for a while now.

Thank goodness he saw the people and got down to help them. It was hinting from the start that they were out in the open and vulnerable to the storm.

OOP, ONE OF THE FUSED

Dark stormlight? Dark stormlight? Will that be fueled by normal highstorm Investiture, or only the Everstorm?

Aaaaand they can fly. Of course they can.

...are you seriously going to argue with the Stormfather to stop the storm itself. I- of course you are. The Kholin Extra(TM) has been rubbing off on you, hasn't it.

Well, that didn't work. You being you, though, you're still going to try and save the ones down below.

!!!! Did. Did you just airbend. This must be one of the unique combination feats of Gravitation+Adhesion – unless it's something that can be accomplished via Gravitation alone. Whatever it was, you managed so save people. Not all of them, but some.

“Just listen to the piece of nature incarnate, okay?” Syl you are a delight.

Chapter Thirty-Two – Company

Tea and shock blankets – at least Palona knows what this girl needs right now.

Oooo, so that's where Renarin knew the name from – possibly in combination with Truthwatcher abilities, but it's good to know that Re-Shephir is part of their actual mythology.

Imagining a human eventually getting warped into that is terrifying. If the Unmade were Splinters of Odium, perhaps they once hosted in humans and eventually changed them like the holders of the Shards.

If the rest of the Unmade are creepy body-horror things, then I'd suspect the cremling-guy from Edgedancer, no matter what he said. That was nightmare fuel.

Let everyone shower you with compliments, Shallan, you deserve it. Bravery is in standing up to things that terrify you.

Wait, is that…?

It is.

Jasnah: [waltzes into Urithiru half a year late with Starbucks] What'd I miss.

Jaaaassssssnaaaaaaaah~

End of Part One

Interlude One – Puuli

Excited for the new storm? You mean the Everstorm? Well, to each their own….

[squints] Are you killing all of this lady's husbands? You are the lighthouse-keeper. Then again, sailing on Rosharan seas is a dangerous business. Especially on the stormlands-end of the continent.

Ooo, this must be in the New Natanatan area. But blue skin was an Aimian trait if I remember correctly, and nothings been noted about your shadow

….”hidden island of the Origin”. Say what now. Mythology or forgotten history, I wonder…

'They'll arrive when the night is darkest.' - And they come to destroy. Could be Voidbringers, could be the rest of the Unmade. Either way, I doubt they're allies.

Interlude Two – Ellista

A monastery! Oh man, please give us a scene of Vorin ardents flipping their shit over the return of the Knights Radiant.

Okay, so it's not about the Radiants, but we've got Arguing Ardents. However, they're arguing in a library. She should have knocked them upside the heads for that.

This poor woman cannot get any peace to simply read!

When in doubt, abandon the populated places entirely. Good choice.

….are you reading a bodice-ripper romance. You are. And you're having the time of your life.

This thing is all overblown purple prose and it's amazing. Good to know that Roshar has a flourishing trade in scandalicious romance novels.

Are ardents even supposed to be allowed stuff this raunchy?

“Important works.” Terribly important. Essential to the future of all Roshar, this reading.

[snorts] Opaque politics? My dear Ellista, perhaps that might be true of Navani, and formerly of Gavilar, but the rest of them? Hah.

These translations the ardents are working on could be the key to information later on, now that we know the libraries of Urithiru are ruined (hopefully not beyond repair, but not holding out hope for that).

HE READ THE ROMANCE TOO. AND THE SEQUEL

“has to choose between a strapping naval officer, a Thaylen banker, and the King's Wit.” ….did Hoid write this. Did Hoid write this dirty romance novel just for the sheer glee of it.

“Sequels always have to be bigger.” Taking a potshot at yourself in your own book, Sanderson? At least you have a good sense of humor about it.

Interlude Three – The Rhythm of the Lost

Venli?! Oh I have a bone to pick with you over how you treated Eshonai last book-

Rhythm of Craving? Oh that's not good. Command Rhythm being related to Appreciation… I'm not sure what to think about that, because on one hand it goes towards emotional manipulation, but on the other it's more of the Kholin “show honor to your men and they shall return it” vibe. It's treading a very, very fine line.

New Voidspren, one that looks like “rolling lightning”. Possibly the same type of spren that transforms them into stormform.

Oooo, Venli is not happy about not being the one giving orders. Did you think that because you spearheaded the plan for the Parshendi change to stormform and the summoning of the Everstom that you'd be elevated to a position of greatness?

[winces] You just wanted to save your people. Terrible choices with terrible consequences, but you felt backed into a corner. Decisions or extinction.

Ah, so 'lesser spren' are used for the form-changes, got is. Perhaps not even sentient ones.

Oh. Oh no. That's Eshonai, but the blade is materialized. That can only mean…

Fuck. Fuck. I really, really wanted you to be alive. Fuck. I'm really distraught over this, give me a moment.

….

[flings open second-story window] ESHONAI DESERVED BETTER!

I'm going to have to write an Eshonai+exile!Adolin swordbros AU myself to rectify this goddamn tragedy on some level.

[deep breath] Okay. Okay. Back to the continuation of canon. Eshonai's dead, Odium-spren Ulim just wanted to find her for the Plate, but Venli… Venli's singing a Rhythm of mourning – an old Rhythm.

Shiiiit, no wonder the Parshendi hate people touching their dead. Mutilating the bodies to look for gemhearts? That's fucking sickening.

YEAH, GO VENLI. SNAP BACK AT THAT ASSHOLE

“the spren of redemption” aaahahahahaha bullshit

Wait, can Voidspren – even just spren in general – sense Shardic influence? How else would Ulim know that the Alethi “stink of Honor”? And would he recognise, say, a Scadrian by the feel of Ruin and Preservation permeating them? Or, better question, the influence of a Shard on human-types transplanted from Yolen, as opposed to humans created by Shards in the image of the Yolenese, like Scadrians? (My theory that Rosharan-humans were created rather than transplanted grows.)

[hums] He didn't deny that “your ancestors” were dead, only said they were in charge. It's not a spren in charge then, but some kind of ancient Voidbringer(s) – perhaps not actually alive, but returned (hah) somehow? Or maybe both, if the Voidbringer(s) is/are bonded to a Voidspren.

Oh, Venli

….you're attracting a spren. A true spren. Ohhhhh……

[khunsetare]

ODIUM

 Had some writing buzz, and finished up a chapter late last night. I normally work end of the week, and weekends so it’s harder for me to upload. BUT, I figure why not leave things on a  interesting note! 

WARNINGS: Lil bit of smut, DRUGS/ALCOHOL (using, and mentioning).

Thanks for reading (:

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Chapter 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5  

   Chapter 6

 As I hurriedly put on my pants for the war games, I grab my badge, and phone before rushing out. I zip and button as I step out, and begin to follow initiates towards the doors outside. I feel a grip on my bicep, and I’m pulled back into a hard chest. I look up and it’s Eric, and I wonder what he wants now.

 “War games don’t begin till another 30 mins, you don’t need to rush,” He speaks to me sweetly. I squint at him, as I feel like he’s lying to me on purpose. “Max needs to see you in his office. I suggest you hurry,” He smiles at me, and I roll my eyes rushing up towards the nearest flight of stairs. I jog up quickly until I’m by his office, and I wiggle the door but it’s locked. I groan out loudly to myself.

 I turn back around and into the hallway looking for anyone that might know if he’s in there still or roaming around. I hurriedly walk around until I spot Max at the end of the corridor. I run over to him, and he stops noticing my presence.

 “You wanted me?” I ask, and he shoots me a confused look.

 “No? Is everything alright?” He asks, furrowing his brows as he stares at me up and down. I replay the moment with Eric again, and curse to myself. I hear the train’s loud horn, and I groan in frustration.

 “I’m going to fucking kill Eric. I’m sorry, I need to get to the train before I miss the war games,” Max laughs as he sees me take off back down the stairs.

 I glide down one rail, and pace myself making sure I don’t fly face first into a flight of stairs. As I reach ground floor I push it open, but it doesn’t budge. I push again, and peek through the window to see there’s a small wooden plank wedged in between the handles. I scream out in frustration, and kick the door repeatedly till I hear cracks. I kick it one last time, and the wood splinters, and falls to the ground. I take off towards the doors that lead outside, and thankfully they were open.

 I spot the train taking off slowly, and I start running at a moderate pace trying to catch my breath. The train starts to pick up, and I pick my pace up hearing my feet stomp on the gravel trying to keep up. I don’t realize how fast I’m going but I manage to grab onto one of the side railings. As I latch on Four notices me, and pulls me in. He looks impressed, and stares at me a bit longer before walking off in the direction behind me.

 I struggle to control my breathing for a bit, but stay calm and steady. Em, and Caleb are the first to spot me and join me in the middle. “Hi,” Em speaks.

 “We thought you weren’t gonna make it when we couldn’t find you by the stop. Where did you go?” Caleb asks.

 “I was supposedly supposed to meet Max, but he wasn’t aware that I was supposed to meet him either,” Em shoots me a confused look.

 “Who let you out?” I hear Eric speak next to me, and I look at him.

 “Max,” I cock my head to the side and smile at him.

 “Max did?” He raises his brows, and I nod. He’s silent for a few moments more, but looks between Em, Caleb, and I. “Okay,” He purses his lips. He looks back at me one more time before joining back with the rest of the initiates.

 Four throws two long, and narrow duffle bags into the middle of the train. “The games simple, it’s like capture the flag,”

 Eric unrolls the duffle, and pulls up a long metal weapon. “Weapon of choice,” He holds it up mid-air.

 “You call that a gun?” A girl beside Eric scoffs, staring over at Wyatt to her left. She’s naturally very tall and slim. Probably five foot eleven to six foot. She has medium length brown hair, and brown eyes, and I wonder why I hadn’t recognized her sooner. Eric pulls back the hammer, and shoots her in the leg. She falls back onto the walls of the train, and slides down to the floor in agony. She groans out, holding onto her thigh as she shoots daggers at Eric. She’s still whimpering as Eric leans over, and pulls out a small, metal, serum filled bullet.

 He holds it up for everyone to see, but sets his eyes on me as he speaks. “Neurostim dart, stimulates the pain of a real gunshot wound only last a couple of minutes. Two teams; Four, and I are captains,”

 “You pick first,” Four gives Eric the honor.

 “Okay,” Eric gives Four a pleased look. “Edward,”

 “I’ll take the outsider,” Four looks over at me, but then back up at Eric.

 “Oh,” He drones out. “Picking the ones who’ll never make it so you’ll have someone to blame when you lose?” He nods his head.

 “Something like that,” Four smirks back at him, and I can pick up the hint of rivalry already.

 As the train nears both teams split ways, and wander off to either side of the abandoned amusement park. “Where did Eric’s team go?” Zephryine questions the team as a whole.

 “They must’ve gone to the end,” Artiste explains. Four pulls out a neon yellow flag, and holds it out with him.

 “Alright, lights off. Gather around. What’s your strategy?” He questions them.

 “We can hide the flag so they won’t find us,” Artiste speaks.

 “I say we blitz em, beat them with sheer force,” Another initiate speaks up. They all argue and chatter about different tactics, but I look around my surroundings. I sneak off, and push open one of the building doors. I run up the flight of stairs till I’m at the roof, and I sneak to the edge to peek at the rest of the park.

 “You think like my girlfriend Tris,” I jump slightly at Four’s voice behind me.

 “Great minds think alike,” I state, and he chuckles.

 “What’s your plan?”

 “Spot the flag, and,” I pause looking around, and spot a flash of neon green by the top of the bell tower. “Split into four. Two groups along the sides, two in the middle. Whatever team makes it to the bell tower first will give us a signal, and we’ll fight the rest off until they can get to the top,”

 “Good plan, I’ll warn the rest, and send Emily, and a few others towards you,” I shake my head, and follow him down and out making sure not to cause too much noise.

 “Hey, what about Eric?” Four asks, and I turn.

 “I’ll deal with him. Just make sure to try and overthrow his team and reach the tower first,”

 Shortly, Em, Caleb, Zephryine, and Artiste are awaiting me. “Now, we can stay in the same side location but we must split. They’ll notice if we’re paired up. If you hear any cries for help, try to help each other out. If you spot the flag or are near the bell tower abandon us, and go for the flag,”

 Everyone nods, and we all split sneaking off into the different corners, and shadows. I crouch behind the shadow of some bushes when I hear footsteps, and keep still as a few of Eric’s team members pass by. I wait until they’re past a few buildings before I jet to the end of the amusement park. I see a few members from my own team jog up to me.

 “Eric’s in the bell tower. What do you want to do?” One of them asks.

 “You attack where the most of his team members are. Distract all of them from entering the bell tower. If he’s the only one in the tower, I can handle him,” They all nod, and run back off. I hear the first round of darts, and I bolt to the tower’s entrance shielding my face. Luckily, everyone seemed preoccupied with fighting each other that I was able to access it with no problems. I sneak in slowly noticing one lone member guarding the bell tower door.

 I sneak up behind him, and keep him in a chokehold until he’s knocked out. I lay him down gently, and pull my hammer back as I sneak up the stairs. Before I can push open the door above to climb up I feel something grasp my foot, and I’m yanked down the stairs. I turn towards the person dragging me, and I notice it’s Wyatt. I aim at his neck, and he falls down the last flight of stairs. He screams out in pain as his body meets with the concrete on the ground level. As I run to look over him, I see two more darts hit him and I look up to find Zephryine, and Artiste by the doorway. He groans out in pain as they both near. Zephryine walks closer and shoots him one more time near the groin. “Asshole,” She mutters before following us both up the stairs.

 “Thanks,” I huff out, and they just smile in return. We approach the upper doorway as a trio and are greeted by two more of Eric’s teammates.

 “Go, we’ll deal with them,” He nudges me, and I climb up the ladder trying to avoid getting darted but feel a pinch on my outer thigh as I push open the hatch, and climb up. I whimper out in pain, and crawl up trying to recover from the dart shot to spot Eric. He’s seated on the floor with his dart gun pointed at the middle of my forehead. Fuck me.

 I keep eye contact with him, and swat the gun out of my face with enough force to throw him off. I ball my fist up with my other hand, and swing at his face, landing a punch right on his lip. He clenches his jaw, and spits a bit of blood on the floor beside him. His hands land on my throat, and I struggle to reach him as he begins to push himself up off the floor with just his knees. I wrap my fingers around his wrists, and push back settling him back on the floor.

 I somehow manage to straddle him to prevent him from standing as I reach for the dart gun beside me. His eyes flicker over to where I’m reaching and he loosens his grip on my neck, giving me enough time to reach for it, and stand up. I shoot him once in the chest, and once in his lower abdomen. He groans out in pain as he lays on the floor, and I walk over and crouch beside him. I grab a hold of collar and pull him up to me as he yanks one of the darts out of his chest, and throw it off to the side.

 “You’re making this game so easy,” I joke, and kiss him on his cheek before pushing him back and shooting him in the chest one more time. He yells out in frustration, but I turn back to the edge of the bell tower and grab the neon green flag. As I take it off, and wave it I hear Artiste, and Zephryine climb up and join me.

 They’re both laughing as they spot Eric on the floor still in pain, and join me to cheer loud. A few of our teammates notice us, and begin to celebrate. We just won our first War Game.

 .          .           .           .           .           .          

 My body feels alive. After the rush of adrenaline from the zip line I felt like I was ready to conquer the world. I follow the group of initiates that I went zip lining with, and follow them into the pit. This time it isn’t a bunch of dauntless brawling, but a bustling night life. People all gathered around in groups holding beer bottles, and mixed drinks.

 “Last day of physical initiate training. We need to celebrate!” Zephryine exclaims. She grabs a hold of my wrist and pulls me to a small bar nearby. There’s a line of dauntless, and most are headed back into the pit, but there are still some seats empty by the bartender.

 “Give me something strong!” Zephryine smiles at the attractive bartender, and he returns her smile with a smirk.

 “You got it, beautiful,” He winks, and looks over at me with raised brows. “What can I get you? Something strong too?” He asks.

 “Double whiskey ginger,” I smile, and he nods his head in approval.

 “You ladies smoke? I’ll be out back in a few minutes,” He raises his brows, and I nod. Zephryine looks uncomfortable, but nods her head.

 “I smoke, she doesn’t. But she’ll come,” I reassure him, and she squeezes my hand under the table as a silent thank you.

 .          .           .

 I’m three or four double whiskeys in, and I feel the buzz start to hit my system all at once. I question why I feel so drunk, and think about what I ate that day until I realize I hadn’t really. I had a two bananas, and an apple. That’s definitely not enough. I sigh to myself as I realize that I’d have to suffer being more fucked up than normal. Zephryine is a wild wind of fun; Dancing, and pulling me towards the pit.

 “I’ll be out to smoke in like 20 mins. Both of you can meet me there,” Charlie, the bartender yelled over at us. I smiled, and gave him a thumbs up. While we were drinking we all shared some cool facts about each other, and Charlie seemed like a really genuine, down to earth guy. I could tell Zephryine was smitten over him, and I was happy she had found her own attractive dauntless member to befriend.

 Music boomed through the pit, and my entire body felt really buzzed. Swaying to the beat was nothing but a breeze. Zephryine and I swayed, and danced to the rhythmic beat laughing as we both stumbled around quite a bit. I grabbed her hand swaying my hips, and started grinding on her lightly. A pair of hands grabs onto my hips, and I defensively swat them away. I look up to find a random dauntless member, and I furrow my brows, and drag Zephryine away. He continues to follow me, and I poke my index finger into his chest keeping him at bay, and away from me. He takes the hint with ease, and moves onto the next dancing girl. I feel a pat on the back of my arm, and both Zephryine and I turn to see Charlie.

 “Hi,” She quips.

 “Ready?” He asks, and we nod and follow him outside. He pulls out a pre-rolled joint, and lights it. He passes it to me, and we both exchange taking hits. I take another drag, and hold my breath letting the high really blend with my drunk-ness. We’re all sat on the floor so the effects of anything haven’t and won’t hit me till I’m up and walking.

 “Cross faded at its finest,” Charlie laughs, and I laugh along with him.

 “I wanna smoke, but I feel like I’d cough up a left lung,” Zephryine adds.

 “Don’t worry, I can teach you one day if you’re free,” I raise a brow, and smirk in Zephryine’s direction. She glances at me quickly, but returns her attention back to Charlie. They move closer together, so I grab the joint and take another deep inhale. As I take another pull before passing it back someone snatches it out of my hand and hands it back to Charlie.

 “She’s done,” I turn to my side, and see Eric. Who under the moon light, looks frustrated. Not an emotion I’ve seen so far. I’ve only experienced anger, and his childish temperament. I’m still holding in my inhale as he swoops an arm under my arm, and around my waist to pull me up. I feel light butterflies, but try to keep a straight face.

 “Clean this up, and get back inside,” He speaks to Charlie, and Zephryine and they both nod. I blow the remaining smoke in his direction, and protest.

 “Hey, hey. You can ruin my high, but don’t ruin theirs,” I pout as he shakes his head and drags me back into the pit by my upper bicep. He continues to drag me till we’re nearing the elevators. “Ow! You’re hurting my arm asshole,” I frown at him pulling back my arm, and rubbing it when he lets go.

 “I’m the asshole. Okay,” He nods his head to himself, in a sarcastic manner. I feel my inner subconscious scolding me, and telling me to obey him and be quiet but my drunk side isn’t letting it slip.

 “Yeah! You are! And you know what else you’re a real party pooper. I could’ve been having fun, maybe met someone nice. But you sabotaged that!” I cross my arms over my chest as the elevator doors open. I turn to go back to the pit, but he’s got my arm again and he’s pulling me back into the elevators.

 “The only reason why I’m complying is because I’m drunk, and I have nothing better to do,” I say in a matter of factly tone.

 As the elevator rides up, I feel the effects of both in me, and the elevator seems to make me dizzier. I open and close my eyes a few times taking in my state of mind, and mindlessly hop around the halls until we reach his door to his apartment.

 “I forgot your passcode, but I have a badge! Badge to the rescue!!” I exclaim laughing to myself as I pull my badge out, and scan it letting myself in. I kick my shoes off in to the corner, and take off my jacket placing it on one of the couches. I plop on the couch, and make myself comfortable.

 “Get up, you’re sleeping upstairs,” He states, and I look up at him with a confused expression.

 “What if you bring someone over last minute. I’d rather just be here,” I pat the cushion, and look back at him. “It’s comfy! It will do!” I smile, and he takes a deep inhale.

 “Upstairs, now.” He demands, and I pretend to be shocked.

 “Demanding,” I roll my eyes, and follow him. I hear him growl lightly to himself, and I can tell I’m pushing his buttons. “Okay, master. I’ll obey your orders,” I pause turning back. “For tonight,” I raise my brows, and walk up the stairs.

 I walk over to my duffle bag, and pull out makeup wipes. I rub the cloth all over my face till my face is completely clean, and I throw the wipe in the trash. I rub a small black hand towel over the rest of my face to get rid of the remainder before turning back to Eric’s bed. I see him toss a shirt, and boxers on the bed before turning to take off his clothes. He’s in his boxers only, and I can feel how odd I must look staring at him while he undresses, but my mind seems to only be concentrated on him right now.

 I climb onto the bed, and he grabs my ankle and pulls me back. “Change into these,” He states, and I turn back to him with a pout.

 “I don’t wanna,” I argue, crossing my arms over my chest.

 He does another deep inhale, and I don’t wait to see his next reaction. I’m not wearing a bra. I think to myself, but a hidden spark of confidence tells me to not care, and take it off anyway. I pull off my shirt, and slide off the bed to take off my pants, and underwear. I slip on his boxers, and almost stumble over my own feet in the process. He steadies me with one hand, and let’s me hold onto him as I pull them up.

 “Hands up,” He drones out, and I comply letting him place his shirt over my head.

 As the material goes over my head I’m met with his muscular chest. There are small hairs peeking through, and I notice two bruises on his pecs. He moves from me, and sits on the edge of the bed pulling his socks off. I feel a strange impulse to straddle his lap, and though sober I may have fought the urge and went to sleep. I wasn’t sober and I didn’t want to fight the urge. As I straddle him, he doesn’t tense, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s tired or if he’s planning a way to throw me off and kill me. I keep staring at his chest, and the bruises that formed. My mind flashes to me shooting him in the chest with the nuerostim dart, and I feel a pang of guilt.

 “Did I do this?” I ask him as I look up at him, and he’s already staring at me.

 “It’ll heal, it was just darts,” He replies, confirming my thoughts.

 “I’m sorry,” I reply, brushing my hands softly over his pecs. I look back at him, not surprised he’s still staring at my intently. It’s his thing, I guess. I take notice in his eyes, and his pupils are blown out wide. My core responds, and I fidget on him. His hands roam up my upper thighs, and grasp onto my hips hard. I feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I’m not sure if he can hear it too. Kiss him. My subconscious cheers, and claps in the background. My eyes trail from his eyes to his lips and back up. I notice the sides of his lip are still a little red, and puffy from when I punched him in the mouth. I move my hands up, and lightly trace over it with my thumb. I blink a few times, hoping that maybe I’ll snap out of this trance but I don’t.

 I lean in and place a small, needy kiss on his lips. He doesn’t kiss back so I retreat pushing myself off of him. “I-um. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I stutter out, looking down as I speak to him. When I look up he’s standing with me, and his chest is moving up and down. He doesn’t make any sudden movements, but when he walks to me I instinctively take a step back afraid that he might attack. I feel his hands grab my face and pull me to him as he kisses me hard. At first I’m surprised but I immediately melt into the kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he grabs my ass and hauls me up to his waist. I feel him turn towards the bed as I wrap my legs tight around his lower hips.

 I begin to feel nervous as I have yet to have sex willingly with anyone, and briefly wondered if I should tell him if we go that far. I was too aroused at the moment to protest, and just moaned in response. He growls, and throws me onto the bed climbing in and over me. His lips latch onto the side of my neck, and he sucks hard. My eyes flutter at the sensation until I hear a loud knocking sound.

 As easy as the sensations came, was as easy as they went. The knocking continued but gets louder over time.

 “Eric, open up. We have a situation at the chasm,” I hear him growl, as he grips onto the side of one of my hips. He pushes himself off me, and takes a deep breath before pulling his clothes back on and heading off towards the door. I sit up on my feet as he walks towards the stairs. He looks back briefly, and pauses but continues to pace down the stairs. I hear the door swing open, and him bark at the dauntless outside his room.

             I could only hear brief bits, but it involved something about something found in the chasm, and that it didn’t make any sense. But the door was already slammed shut before I could hear anymore.

 What could be going on in the chasm that needed him leave this late at night?

[scrapeandscatter]

Best of 2015

Or even a Best of 2015 list that never got posted?

End of the year lists seem kind of hasty to me. With new albums out every week and still trying to fit in your favorites from your entire lifetime throughout the year, how can you really gather how much a record affects you in, almost all cases, less than twelve months? There are also records that come out in December and some you entirely overlook until sometime the following year. It's a daunting task, but I still made one as close to the end of 2015 as I could, but I feel my procrastination and laziness made a more accurate best of 2015. However, almost all of these records were already on my list at the year's end, though, so what did I really prove? I learned quite a bit in 2015. For instance, I learned that almost everyone likes Beach Slang. I mean, I get it, the record actually isn't that bad. The problem is that it's probably one of the safest albums I've ever heard in my life. I understand that not everybody has to reinvent the wheel, but the wheel you're riding is hooked to a track like that Tomorrowland Speedway ride at Disney World. I will say, though, that they had, easily, the most interesting cover on the Robotic Empire Nirvana tribute Doused in Mud, Soaked in Bleach. I learned that I have no idea what the fuck I listen to. I mean, I know what I like, but I'm not sure what genre(s) it all falls under. I thought I liked metal, but I literally went through every top 15 list of every MetalSucks.net contributor and I guess I don't like metal... like at all. Also, everyone who does like metal is swinging from black metal's nutsack and drinking up every bit of corpse paint tainted ball sweat that drips off each Nordic follicle. What I'm trying to say is I'm about as anxious to listen to anything that's influenced by black metal as I am EDM, country, and whatever genre Emmy Rossum's music is considered (keep in mind that life is contradiction when you're reading this). Speaking of metal, I learned Morgoth is still capable of writing Odium worthy songs over 20 years later. I learned emo, like true emo, is alive and well. It's a good thing, too, because most of the heavy bands I like either aren't touring or are foreign and just won't tour here, so this emo revival is getting me into venues. Finally, I learned calling a record a full length even though it's only eighteen minutes long and promoting it incessantly when you have nothing to say is acceptable. Anyway, here it is, stevenlikedsomething in 2015:  

20. Frontierer - Orange Mathematics

Frontierer picks up where The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza left off, ditching the goofy schtick of earlier Danza material and the overt metalcore breakdowns and filler of later releases, but holding onto the fretboard acrobatics and polyrhythms. There is a lot to digest on this record, though, and you might not want to do it all in one sitting. Actually, I kind of like this record better when a song from it comes up on shuffle.

Orange Mathematics by Frontierer

  19. Nice Hooves - The Gall

Nice Hooves is the more rock leaning noisecore version of fellow Detroit act The Armed. They share almost all the same members and both bands recorded their albums during the same session with Kurt Ballou.

The Gall by Nice Hooves

  18. Maruta - Remain Dystopian

No frills here, just classic grindcore with Maruta's modern style. Skulls, destruction, and despair performed fast as fuck.

Remain Dystopian by Maruta

17. Bleak - We Deserve Our Failures

If you're familiar with upstate New York metallic hardcore, bands like Engineer and Achilles, as well as the rest of the Hex Records roster, then you probably already have a pretty good idea of what Bleak sounds like. If they're new to you then you can judge a(n) [album] by its cover... title... author. This record is ugly, gloomy, and grim. It's also technical with a bit of Botch influence.

16. Title Fight - Hyperview

I think I always thought that Title Fight was more of a straight ahead hardcore band, and maybe I was somewhat right, but I heard the track "Head in the Ceiling Fan" off Green Floral and really liked it. It was kind of shoegaze-y. Flash forward a year or two and Hyperview follows more of that shoegaze influence without taking away too much of what Title Fight used to be.

15. The Armed - Untitled

Mentioned earlier, here's the other noisy Detroit band with a release recorded by Kurt Ballou. Abrasive and destructive, it's a little more on the punk side of noisecore than Nice Hooves, but still beefy, as you might expect from a Ballou recording.

14. Failure - The Heart Is a Monster

I can't imagine it's easy to come right back into the fold after a 20 year hiatus, but these guys have kept up their chops and produced a proper follow-up to 1996's Fantastic Planet.

13. The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die - Harmlessness

Perhaps purposely ironically, lyrics in the opening track of this record feature the line "we're afraid to die and that's alright", and as dark and depressing as this emo/indie rock album can get at times, most of Harmless feels like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Harmlessness by The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die

  12. Turnover - Peripheral Vision

I was never into the 80s movement of shoegaze, so I'm really surprised at my current attraction to the contemporary version of it. Most of the bands influenced by My Bloody Valentine and other acts of that ilk are also mixing this style with grunge and that's probably what's appealing to me. In true shoegaze fashion, Turnover executes catchy melodies in a depressing atmosphere, but uses more tender riffs rather than the heavy fuzz tone of similar bands like Nothing and Pity Sex, and vocals that will raise an octave or 2 over the common monotone singing of the genre.

Peripheral Vision by Turnover

  11. KEN Mode - Success

Since their dawning in 1999, KEN Mode have always been purveyors of noisy, metal influenced hardcore. They really mastered it, though, on 2013's Entrench. That record was produced by Matt Bayles, whose work on heavy albums like Botch's We are the Romans and Mastodon's Leviathan really shows its influence on KEN Mode's previous release. Their approach to noisy music on Success is quite different. Opting for a rawer sound via producer Steve Albini, this record can come off a little jarring if you're accustomed to KEN Mode's catalog, but a few spins and you'll realize the incensed bitterness is still there, it's just coming from a garage that could house The Jesus Lizard.

Success by KEN mode

  10. Sorority Noise - Joy, Departed

Sometimes I'll look at this list and wonder how this album ended up so high on it. Then I'll hear a song from Joy, Departed and think, "Oh yeah, that's right." Anyway, for sad, but poppy modern emo, this record from Sorority Noise is tough to top. Especially the mental health anthem "Using".

Joy, Departed by Sorority Noise

  9. Between the Buried and Me - Coma Ecliptic

Sometimes, if you're a casual fan of a band, business as usual can be a great thing. I have certain expectations when I put on a BTBAM album and if those expectations are met then they will always have a spot on a year-end list. How high depends on how far they go beyond those expectations. I understand that lifers highly invested in BTBAM's music will be quick to rank the albums, if not point out the flaws of newer material. To me, though, as long as they're still releasing mathy, hardcore influenced prog-metal I will be happy to keep up with their output.

8. Fight Amp - Constantly Off

Okay, fuck these guys. They post more updates than just about any band on social media; they hype up all their tours and do something like 3 dates on the east coast, promote the hell out of a new full length only to release an 18 minute EP, and drop singles that sound kind of lackluster. However, when it's all packaged together, it's a fierce noise rock record with groove and balls, and these guys definitely need all the balls promoting the way they do. Fuck them, but a pretty satisfying "album". Postscript: They broke up.

Constantly Off by Fight Amp

  7. Throes - To Dust

Throes comes from the ashes of Boise metallic hardcore act Bone Dance. It's pretty much the same band except they picked up a new vocalist and the former vocalist moved to drums. Unfortunately, the only noticeable difference is that the drumming on this EP isn't as technically proficient as the final Bone Dance full length. However, that album ended up as number 7 on my best of 2012 list, so I guess it's not that detrimental after all.

TO DUST by THROES

  6. Great Falls - The Fever Shed

Since 2014 was the year of female fronted grunge revival for me, it would seem 2015 needs a theme, too, and this year it's noise... core/rock/whatever. No one is going to perform it with as much vitriol and filth as Great Falls, though. Guitarist/vocalist Demian Johnston has been doing it for 25+ years through his involvement with Undertow, Nineironspitfire, Kiss It Goodbye, and, most recently, Playing Enemy. With Great Falls, he's picking up where he left off with Playing Enemy, including employing former PE band mate Shane Mehling on bass, and their second full length finds them delving even deeper into the grimy underbelly of noise... let's go with /whatever.

5. Sanzu - Heavy Over the Home

I don't listen to much death metal, but I get excited when I find something new from the genre that resonates with me. You might be able to hear influences from some death metal mainstays like Pestilence and Morbid Angel throughout Heavy Over the Home, but what Sanzu is able to accomplish on this record is a fresh perspective while in the company of derivative bands that get accolades for paying tribute to tropes of a constrained genre. Plus, the vocalist sounds like Scott Angelacos (Bloodlet, Hope and Suicide, Junior Bruce) at times and that wins some points with me, too.

HEAVY OVER THE HOME by SANZU

  4. Sumac - The Deal

Sometimes sleeping giants never wake, or, even worse, they come back to life as a hollow shell of what they used to be. Isis mastermind, Aaron Turner, churned out quite possibly the heaviest record I've ever heard in Celestial. Each successive record Isis released after that was still in the same heavy vein, but were more progressive and atmospheric. The albums were often more revered, too, but just never quite carried the same colossal weight as Celestial. Isis disbanded in 2010 after they released a proper swan song in Wavering Radiant. Since that time, and even a little before Isis' dissolution, several post-metal acts took their title shots at heaviest band on the planet, and quite a few landed some great blows. Turner seemed to be biding his time, patiently waiting for a towering inspiration and suitable supporting cast to arise and when it finally did we were dealt The Deal. It's a crushing monster with devastating riffs and the thunderous low-end rhythm section is filled out by influential bassist Brian Cook (ex-Botch, Russian Circles, etc.) and rising metallic hardcore drummer Nick Yacyshyn (Baptists). At its release, The Deal was the heaviest album I had heard since Celestial, making it an easy contender for album of the year and undoubtedly the heaviest album of 2015, right? But alas...

3. Employed to Serve - Greyer Than You Remember

I know it's one lone album, but Employed to Serve is the reason I don't like the practice of year-end lists being posted in November. I didn't hear about this band until Mathcore Index posted their Volume 1 compilation in July of 2016. So, sure, this album wasn't heard by me in 2015, but it is far too good to be left off a best of list. It's ferocious and relentless with angular dissonant riffs, staccato rhythms, and chunky grooves. It's very reminiscent of early 2000s Botch influenced technical metalcore. Though, with metalcore being such a dirty word now, I feel obligated to state that you shouldn't expect any singing. All of frontwoman Justine Jones's vocals are harsh, glass swallowing screams.

Greyer Than You Remember by Employed To Serve

  2. Rolo Tomassi - Grievances

Rolo Tomassi have been around for over a decade, a product of the tech metal craze generated by The Dillinger Escape Plan. Rolo's style was more akin to the staccato and quirky synth nature of bands like The Locust and Me and Him Call It Us. It seems, with the addition of a new guitarist and bassist on the previous release, and a new drummer for this one, plus using their keys as a layer of depth to their sound rather than a clashing novelty, Rolo Tomassi has found their stride. What really sticks out, though, is Eva Spence's elevation in her vocal prowess from tech metalcore copycat to the center piece of an influential hardcore band. Her black metal screams, delicate singing, and powerful poetic lyrics are striking indications at the massive growth between records and an exciting revelation of what's to come from this band. And among all the metallic riffs on Grievances that could make Kurt Ballou jealous, the scream-less and darkly graceful "Opalescent" is the standout track on the album, displaying the range of every member in Rolo Tomassi.

Grievances by Rolo Tomassi

  1. Cult Leader - Lightless Walk

(cont'd from 4.)...

When this record came out, Cult Leader were 2 years removed from the demise of Gaza and I'm sure they're sick of it being mentioned, but sometimes people don't know these things. Gaza was an ominous dissonant heavy band influenced by hardcore, metal, sludge, grind, etc. Their lyrics were politically and religiously charged, spit with vile contempt. The band hit an impasse when their vocalist was accused of rape. For reasons, possibly obvious, but perhaps not, the band fired their singer and contemplated continuing on as Gaza. Any band that has existed in the social media era can tell you that even a hint of such an accusation can follow you not only from town to town, but also IP address to IP address. In favor of a fresh start and a new direction, Gaza was (somewhat) dismantled. Remaining guitarist Mike Mason and drummer Casey Hansen held their positions and bassist Anthony Lucero, who also performed backing vocals in Gaza, moved solely to frontman. New bassist Sam Richards was added and Cult Leader was formed. The EP Nothing for Us Here was released shortly after, and the Useless Animal 7 inch was put out in early 2015. Both brief releases were not a departure from the Gaza sound, but also waded in the murky waters of unfocused chaos that sort of plagued post-I Don't Care Where I Got When I Die Gaza releases. What's unleashed in Lightless Walk, though, is a harrowing magnificent record that buries Gaza and places a thrown for Cult Leader in the heavy music pantheon. No matter what the key focus of a particular track is, every song is executed with the density of Osmium, whether it's the chunky grooves on "The Sorrower" or the weight of emotion in the crooning on the title track. The pacing is brilliant, too, with a structure that is very similar to We are the Romans and Jane Doe. This one may go down as a classic for me, along with the 2 aforementioned records as well as Entheogen, Functioning on Impatience, and Calculating Infinity.

Other bands with 2015 releases worth checking out:

A Sight for Sewn Eyes | Palm Reader | Birch| Speedy Ortiz | Minsk | The Rodeo Idiot Engine | Vision of Disorder | DSGNS | The Velvet Teen | 888 | &u&i | Modern Baseball | Mutoid Man | Morgoth | Birds In Row | Creepoid | The Prestige | Statues

[preservationandruin]

Words of Radiance Part Four Part Two

Alright, let’s keep this moving!

Kaladin Is Still In Prison, Adolin Was Also In Prison, Kaladin gets out of prison and makes a bad decision, I yell at Amaram a lot, Wit also yells at Amaram, Dalinar’s visions are leaked to the public, Shallan and Kaladin go on a Chasms Road Trip, Shallan remembers a fateful day, I yell at Amaram more, and Dalinar is ready for his big trip. 

WARNING: Shallan’s flashback includes physical and emotional abuse, as well as attempted and successful murder. 

Kaladin is still in prison. He’s noting that his thoughts are starting to distort the truth--again, That Mentally Ill Feel. He knows Dalinar will get him out, he believes Dalinar will get him out--but his mind twists it until he starts thinking Dalinar might have lied. He also starts beating himself up for being a bad guard, despite having gone toe-to-toe with the Assassin in White and lived, driving him off. 

He thinks bridge four is happy to be rid of him oh my god that is the most painful sentence I have ever read. 

Fortunately, he’s being let out. He promises that nobody will ever do this to him again, regardless of station. Aaaaaaand he runs into Adolin. Who is also in a cell. Because of course. And not only did Adolin lock himself up, he ordered that Bridge Four be there when Kaladin was released. 

Adolin Kholin is a good man. 

“Didn’t seem right, you in here,” Adolin said, eyes forward.  “I ruined your chance to duel Sadeas.”  “I’d be crippled or dead without you,” Adolin said. “So I wouldn’t have had the chance to fight Sadeas anyway.” The prince stopped in the hallway and looked at Kaladin. “Besides. You saved Renarin.”  “It’s my job,” Kaladin said. “Then we need to pay you more, bridgeboy. Because I don’t know if I’ve ever met another man who would jump, unarmored, into a fight among six Shardbearers.” 

And then they start bonding over Kaladin being incredulous about Adolin’s cologne and Adolin being mock-offended and even making fun of himself, and Adolin apologizing for ruining the plan, and Adolin pointing out that technically, Elhokar ruined it. 

Adolin also wholeheartedly believes Kaladin about Amaram--points out that you never hear about Amaram doing anything wrong, whereas even Dalinar--the best man Adolin knows--makes mistakes, loses his temper, and has a checkered history. Amaram doesn’t, which is pretty fucking suspicious. 

Yet again, Adolin’s intuition is scarily sharp. Right about Sadeas, right about Kaladin, right about Amaram. If he actually puts some more work into it, he could get really good at reading people. 

I love Adolin Kholin so much as a character like yeah, he can be a fuckup, but he is a genuinely good person. 

Also Bridge Four in unison salutes the moment that they see Kaladin and then just start cheering. Renarin is there in uniform, stimming but cheerfully talking with Adolin; Rock makes fun of Kaladin’s new beard. 

BRIDGE FOUR IS BACK TOGETHER. 

Also Adolin now apparently owns two shardblades and three sets of plate, the Kholin family owns a quarter of the Shards in all of Alethkar (actually more if Shallan marries into the family and I also know they’re not counting Jasnah, even though Ivory can become a Shardblade) and also Adolin is dueling champion now, as well he should be. 

And Adolin offers the plate to Kaladin...who gives them to Moash. Kaladin is purposely testing Adolin and actually flinches as Adolin grabs his shoulder--to ask if he’s sure. 

Because Adolin, unlike Amaram, is ACTUALLY A DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEING. Kaladin also makes the cryptic comment that he’d be more useful against the Assassin in White without Shards. 

Moash’s new shard has a heliodor in the pommel, as a note. I wonder if that’s why his eyes go tan--is it just a lightening of the original color of the person’s eyes, or is it correspondant to the color of the stone powering the Blade? Kaladin’s eyes going blue near the end there imply it’s the power of the Blade making the eyes turn, so it probably corresponds to color? Although that doesn’t answer for why Lighteyes’ eyes don’t change. 

Rambling aside, Rock decides this shardplate shit is taking way too long and that they should be having a party. GREAT CAPTAIN KALADIN, STORMBLESSED AND DWELLER IN PRISONS, YOU WILL EAT MY STEW NOW. 

God I love Bridge Four. 

Also they were debating whether or not to break Kaladin out I fucking love them so much. my BOYS. Also they’re all willing to kick the shit out of Amaram. Same. Absolute Same. 

Aaaand Kaladin says that Moash’s friends are right about Elhokar. KAL NO. 

Over to Dalinar. Dalinar also basically says Kaladin reminds him of him when he was younger--although I have to note that Kaladin had a more level head. Also Navani is being an Engineer and Dalinar is trying to follow along. Mixed success. Also, Navani has figured out that the gemstones in Shards are not what originally powered them. 

Navani is still mourning Jasnah. “What happened to my little girl, so full of questions?” Ouch. 

Navani Deserves Better. 

Also we get another implication that Navani didn’t really care for Gavilar. Something was up with their marriage. 

Anyway, Dalinar’s trying to convince people to join his attempt to do a massive attack against the Parshendi. He’s noted that the Parshendi have stopped trying to go after gemhearts--which would be because their tactics have drastically shifted in a way that the Alethi cannot possibly be prepared for.

Also, Wit’s back. And Sadeas is purposely undermining Dalinar because he’s a shithead. I fucking hate Sadeas. 

“You always assume it’s me,” Sadeas said.  “That’s because any time I think it isn’t you, I’m wrong.” 

Yeah, Sadeas, Dalinar isn’t going to be that easy to fool this time. Easy to stymie, though, because for all Dalinar’s skills he is shit at political intrigue.

AND SPEAKING OF PEOPLE I FUCKING HATE, AMARAM IS HERE!

“Why, Brightlord Amaram!” Wit cried. “I was hoping I’d be able to see you tonight. I’ve spent my life learning to make others feel miserable, and so it’s a true joy to meet someone so innately talented in that very skill as you are.”  [...] “Do I know you?” Amaram asked.  “No,” Wit said lightly, “but fortunately, you can add it to the list of many, many things of which you are ignorant.”  “But now I’ve met you,” Amaram said, holding out a hand. “So the list is one smaller.”  “Please,” Wit said, refusing the hand. “I wouldn’t want it to rub off on me.”  “It?”  “Whatever you’ve been using to make your hands look clean, Brightlord Amaram. It must be powerful stuff indeed.”  Dalinar hurried over.

THIS EXCHANGE ADDS FIVE YEARS TO MY LIFESPAN, CLEARS MY SKIN, CURES MY ANXIETY, AND REPLENISHES MY BANK ACCOUNT WIT DRAGGING AMARAM IS EVERYTHING I LOVE IN THIS WORLD.

Also how he fucking precision-hits things that Amaram would be insecure about--his knowledge, where we know he thinks he knows fucking everything and has an inflated sense of his own importance, and his image, where Wit is basically like bitch I see you and I know you’re fake as hell. 

And then Dalinar runs over to do damage control because he can’t have Amaram getting too suspicious yet, I imagine. Throughout the whole conversation, Wit keeps dissing Amaram and I remain the most alive I have been in months. 

“I mean, I wouldn’t want to call Amaram an imbecile...because then I’d have to explain to him what the word means, and I’m not certain any of us have the requisite time.” 

I know it’s petty but I’m petty and thus I take great joy in all of this. 

“Lord Amaram,” Wit called, standing to bow, his voice growing solemn. “I salute you. You are what lesser cretins like Sadeas can only aspire to be.” 

That one still gets me because it’s not even a jibe or a joke. It’s just a statement of fact and you can tell that Wit is dead-serious with that. Amaram also is like “lmao Dalinar I understand your visions better than you! The Almighty isn’t actually dead!!111!! he’s talking in metaphors u dingus!!11!!!!!!” 

Shut the fuck up Amaram, you know jack shit about Honor, don’t talk like you know Honor better than Dalinar. That’s just fucking laughable. 

He also refers to Kaladin only as “the slave.” And says he’d like to hear an apology from Kaladin. “Not for my own ego” Bull. Shit. 

Fucking asshole.��

Also Navani bitchslaps Wit with a handful of papers, and is furious that they edited the papers to make it seem like Navani is ridiculing Dalinar. She’s also ready to eviscerate whoever did this. RIP whoever the fuck leaked this. 

“As I fear not a child with a weapon he cannot lift, I will never fear the mind of a man who does not think.” 

Yeah it’s from the Way of Kings but in context it’s a sick-ass burn. 

So Dalinar just stands on a fucking table and is like “yeah these are the visions I’ve been having, come at me, you already made me a spectacle so honestly fuck you guys for thinking i’d actually be upset by this bullshit.” 

“If you must laugh, do it while looking me in the eyes.” 

Fuck yeah you tell ‘em dad. 

Also, Dalinar notes that Adolin seems very fond of Shallan, and Dalinar wants to encourage that--as long as he can get actual answers out of Jah Keved about her family. Which he won’t be able to because Jah Keved is a fucking mess. 

Dalinar asks if Wit is a Herald--he’s amused, but says no, and also denies being a Radiant. And we get Wit’s chilling line-- “If I have to watch this world crumble and burn to get what I need, I will do so. With tears, yes, but I would let it happen.” 

Also Wit basically says that he has to stop Odium from finding him in order to not die, basically. I still wonder about that WOB that says that Hoid and Rayse were once friends. That seems...quite interesting. 

Over to Kaladin. He’s still having problems inhaling Stormlight--he’s killing Syl, and with her the Nahel bond that gives him his powers. Kaladin you dingus. Syl is acting like a windspren again. 

“You want too much of me,” he snapped at her as he reached the other side of the chasm. “I’m not some glorious knight of ancient days. I’m a broken man. Do you hear me, Syl? I’m broken.”  She zipped up to him and whispered, “That’s what they all were, silly.” 

Bridge Four is still bringing their bridge on this scouting expedition, because Kaladin is a paranoid fuck (for good reason). Rock says that it’s gotten lighter because they defeated Sadeas. Nobody else understands him. 

Also, Renarin is starting to fit in with Bridge Four and joke around with them--and also that he hasn’t summoned his shardblade since the fight. 

For good reason, although neither Kaladin nor Dalinar knows that. Also, this: 

“Sir,” Kaladin said. “If I may say so, your son seems like kind of a misfit. Out of place. Awkward, alone.”  Dalinar nodded.  “Then, I can say with confidence that Bridge Four is probably the best place he could find himself.” 

I LOVE KALADIN’S RAGTAG BAND OF WEIRD MISFITS AND THAT THEY’RE ACCEPTING RENARIN AS ONE OF THEM. 

Also Adolin is now just occasionally making casual conversation with Kaladin. Kaladin also realizes that he’s made two conflicting oaths, and that’s why his powers are going away and Syl is losing sentience. She tells him to find the words, and soon. 

Shallan is geeking out over the bridge. Kaladin notices that he recognizes one of the carpenters, and is confused by it. Moash has stopped coming over for stew nights as often. 

Ouch. 

Kaladin points out that the plains are the worst place for Szeth to attack them, because they have three hundred archers with them and he just sorta. Flies. in the air. 

Adolin asks Kaladin for girl advice. Kaladin is like. my dude. you are asking the wrong person. Too busy trying not to die to date really. Kaladin is just like dude just tell her you really want this relationship to work also why the fuck are you asking me this. 

Also Adolin trying to be nonchalant about getting information about Kaladin. 

“You won’t have a Shardblade, but won’t need one, because of...you know.”  “I know?” Kaladin felt a spike of alarm.  “Yeah...you know.” Adolin glanced away and shrugged, as if trying to act nonchalant. “That thing.”  “What thing?”  “That thing...with the...um, stuff?” 

Kaladin actually manages to smile at how shitty Adolin is at this and just says “I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about” which is completely true. 

Also the conversation about how Adolin would pay to see Kaladin happy. That conversation is still lowkey gay and nobody can convince me otherwise. 

Neither of them get why Shallan is so excited about stuff like moss. And bugs. Adolin is trying to make jokes. Badly. 

“You’re good at military thinking, for a bridgeboy,” Adolin said. “Coincidentally,” Kaladin said, “you’re good at not being unobnoxious, for a prince.”  “Thanks,” Adolin said. “That was an insult, dear,” Shallan said. 

God I love all of these losers. 

Anyway, Shallan and Kaladin aren’t getting along well at all. High time for a bonding friendship trip into the caverns!!!! Kaladin notices, just at the right moment, that the man he recognized with the carpenters was one of Sadeas’ lumbermen. Of course, everything happens at once, and the bridge collapses--and down go Kaladin and Shallan. 

And Syl uses the last of their bond to save Kaladin. And the Stormfather fucking yells at him for killing Syl. Both Shallan and Kaladin assume they subconsciously saved the other. 

And so they try to survive. And also not kill each other. Kaladin points out that Shallan is complicit in the class inequality--which she really is, I mean, look at the boots scene--and Shallan responds with something like “oh wow big surprise people with power are abusive” which makes sense given her background but also is not the right response. 

He also does directly use the boots scene as proof she is complicit, which she admits. He also does say she’s better than most of the others. 

Aaaand then their shouting match attracts a chasmfiend and they have to bolt. BRILLIANT, GUYS. 

Also Kaladin notices that Shallan is incredibly unwinded from all this running--wow, I wonder if she’s infusing stormlight on instinct (the answer is yes). Shallan also uses her abilities to hide them and goes to try to see the chasmfiend. Kaladin notes that they look “wrong” and “almost intelligent;” Shallan notes that the spren that follow them also follow skyeels. 

I just had a bad thought. If Parshendi change when the everstorm comes, could the chasmfiends change too? If so, what the FUCK do they turn into? 

I hope I’m wrong. 

Shallan also calls Kaladin “Kaladin Longlegs.” Also she tries to throw some chull jerky at him when he’s not looking and he just catches it. 

Listen, when these two become friends, they will be the Best Sassfriends. 

And yeah, they have a sass contest, which actually amuses both of them. They’re good at it. 

God, I hope they end up as friends instead of part of some unholy twisted love triangle scenario. I fucking hate love triangles and i feel like it would only serve to drive everyone involved apart--which is awful, because I like having two male leads (Adolin and Kaladin) who actually get along half of the fucking time, and robbing me of that is just not fair, Brandon. 

Another powerfully sad moment of miscommunication: 

“All right,” Kaladin said. “Here it is. I can imagine how the world must appear to someone like you. Growing up pampered, with everything you want. To someone like you, life is wonderful and sunny and worth laughing over. That’s not your fault, and I shouldn’t blame you. You haven’t had to deal with pain or death like I have. Sorrow is not your companion.”  Silence. Shallan didn’t reply. How could she reply to that?  “What?” Kaladin finally asked.  “I’m trying to decide how to react,” Shallan said. “You see, you just said something very, very funny.”  “Then why aren’t you laughing?”  “Well, it isn’t that kind of funny.” 

They both understand so little about each other. They are seeing what they expect to see and not what’s underneath--which is two deeply broken people trying to move forward with their lives as best they can. 

Bridge Four is trying to figure out how Kaladin could have survived--Sigzil is grilling Teft about what he knows about the Radiants. Dalinar is trying to convince them not to keep watch for Kaladin, but good fucking luck with that. They’re Bridge Four. They know their captain. Dalinar is just like. You guys make sure you’re actually eating, right? 

He’s such a Dad. 

Anyway, Shallan is making a map, and Kaladin realizes how incredible her skill with drawing and memory is. Also, Shallan is talking to Pattern--and Kaladin realizes it’s like him talking to Syl. 

And Kaladin says that in a dream, he saw that the chasms were symmetrical--and Shallan realizes she can figure out where the parshendi are, and where the oathgate is. 

Shallan tries to point out that Kaladin can’t blame himself about everything. Kaladin immediately proves her wrong. And there’s another heartbreaking moment, this time of connection. 

“Oh, all people understand pain,” Kaladin said. “That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s...”  “The sorrow,” Shallan said softly, “of watching a life crumble? Of struggling to grab it and hold on, but feeling hope become stringy sinew and blood beneath your fingers as everything collapses?”  “Yes.”  “The sensation--it’s not sorrow, but something deeper--of being broken. Of being crushed so often, and so hatefully, that emotion becomes something you can only wish for. If only you could cry, because then you’d feel something. Instead, you feel nothing. Just...haze and smoke inside. Like you’re already dead.” He stopped in the chasm. She turned and looked to him. “The crushing guilt,” She said, “of being powerless. Of wishing they’d hurt you instead of those around you. Of screaming and scrambling and hating as those you love are ruined, popped like a boil. And you have to watch their joy seeping away while you can’t do anything. They break the ones you love, and not you. And you plead. Can’t you just beat me instead?”  “Yes, he whispered. Shallan nodded, holding his eyes. “Yes. It would be nice if nobody knew of those things, Kaladin Stormblessed. I agree. With everything I have.” 

God, that section rips my heart out. Shallan represses it, Kaladin has PTSD (well, they both probably do) and they both just wish they could have helped other people. 

These are good kids. 

And immediately they just start joking with each other. Aaand then the puns happen. And then a chasmfiend happens, and they get chased into a fissure. Kaladin wants to go chase it off so that they both can live, and Shallan panics at the thought of being left alone. And so she gives him her shardblade. 

Kaladin is like what the fuck. 

Also, the blade--which is Pattern--actually glows a garnet color. That’s because it’s alive. Also, it doesn’t scream--which Kaladin attributes to him having lost his bond with Syl, but that’s not right. And Kaladin also assumes two things in one sentence: 

“At least this told him one thing--Shallan wasn’t likely to be a Surgebinder. Otherwise, he suspected she’d hate this Blade as much as he did.” 

First, she is a Surgebinder.

Second, she does hate that Blade. 

Anyway, working together--with Pattern, Shallan’s illusions,and Kaladin’s fighting prowess--they kill a Chasmfiend. Also Kaladin’s leg gets Fucked Up. 

Kaladin ends up half in a chasmfiend’s mouth and the first thing he says is fucking ow. 

Anyway, they use the Blade to cut out a cubbyhole to weather the storm in. Shallan is having to train her mind not to blank at the mention or thought of the Shardblade--and she also can make it shrink. 

That’s not normal. 

Anyway, as Kaladin climbs into the cubbyhole and the stormwall hits, we get a Shallan flashback. She’s wearing her father’s necklace and a nice Vorin-style dress, and reporting that nobody has been able to find Helaran. 

For some reason, their father summoned Eylita to their house. This has got to be it--this is when Shallan kills her father to save Balat. Shallan finds Malise’s dead body--Father found out about the plan, sent for Eylita, and then murdered his own wife as a punishment. 

Shallan pours wine as her brother and father fight each other. This says a lot about how utterly Shallan had managed to subsume herself in other personas--she is outwardly calm even with this, with having seen a dead body of her own stepmother, with her brother and father trying to kill each other. 

And she pours wine and gives it to him. He drinks it, and then reaches for the poker--and severely injures Balat by slamming against his leg as Shalan screams. 

And as the rain pounds outside, her father starts to lose control of his fine motor skills. Shallan is cold--it’s her when she’s at rock-bottom. When she lost her mother, now, when she kills Tyn--when Shallan is at rock-bottom she is a stone-cold killer. 

Which is good, because it keeps her brothers and herself alive. 

But the poison only paralyzed him, and so--Shallan asks her brothers to finish the job, but none of them can. Jushu and Wikim back up. Balat isn’t conscious. So Shallan strangles him with the necklace he gave her, while singing the lullaby that he sung to her. 

Fuck, this scene is chilling and horrible. Shallan had to do it--her father would have murdered them all, one day, and probably only avoided her because he knew that she had a Shardblade and was scared--but god, that’s so brutal. 

Back to Kaladin. He gets in the cavern as Shallan uses her sphere to pull him up; they both see what looks like a screaming face in the storm. Kaladin sees something that looks like a giant, inhuman form glowing in the storm, completely alien, striding in it. 

Cool.

Anyway, Kaladin tells her his story--everything, including Amaram. Why not? They were about to die anyway. And she tells him that she killed her father, and about her own breaking; Kaladin realizes how lucky he was that his family loved him. 

Shallan was not that lucky. 

And Kaladin also realizes that he must have killed Helaran, which hurts. Anyway, Kaladin has a vision of the Stormfather in the storm and gets chewed the fuck out for killing Syl. 

Back to Dalinar. Amaram is trying to get him to make an agreement with Sadeas of some sort. Bull fucking shit. Shut the fuck up, Amaram. And then they get the message that Kaladin came out of the chasms. 

Dalinar runs the entire way there. 

He’s such a good dad. 

Aaaand he finds it hard to get through because so much of Bridge Four is already there. They know their Captain. And Kaladin fucking brought back the gemheart as well, of course. 

“Yeah, we took care of that for you, sir.” fuckin hell Kaladin. 

Shallan lies and says it was already dead, Kaladin agrees, Dalinar notes that Kaladin is a shit liar. 

And Navani has warmed up to Shallan enough to run over to her and mother hen her hardcore. I don’t think she wanted to lose another young scholar. 

Anyway, Dalinar asks if Kaladin was what he was looking for, and Kaladin denies it--he says he might have been, but not now. Dalinar also notes that Kaladin is a hero again. 

Also wow, looks like Amaram just vanished, what a surprise, looks like he can’t stand the sight of a certain slave being a hero, huge surprise there, i’m shocked

Also Pattern eavesdropped on Dalinar and Navani and offers to reproduce the sound of them kissing and Shallan is like. You know what. no. no thanks pattern. maybe not. 

Also Adolin shows up and just hugs Shallan a lot, and then she kisses him. Nice. He also said that he would protect her and not let anything bad happen to her--which causes her to freeze up. 

Last person who did that was her father. Don’t try to hide her away, Adolin, she murdered the last man who did that. 

And Shallan also convinces them not to take the parshment with them, which was A Good Call because the parshendi are calling down the everstorm and all those parshmen would go stormform. 

Aaaand that ends Part Four!