#i know i say 'sorry guys my mental health has been bad this month' literally every month

[multigenderswag]

Apologies to the several hundred people who filled out the survey expecting to hear something about the results of said survey. I really do want to start analyzing and posting about the results, and I fully intend for that to happen, it's just taking a lot longer than expected due to mental health and executive dysfunction reasons. Sorry for the wait but I promise the graphs are gonna look soooo cool when I finally post them it will be 100% worth it

[astonmartinii]

forever and a day | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem long distance reader

nothing can separate them, except maybe 9,000 miles and a couple of oceans.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 893,209 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: finally back in the homeland and reunited with my girl

view all comments

user1: oscary/n nation we are so back

user2: australia always does us so well

yourusername: can you convince mclaren that they should keep paying for our dates

oscarpiastri: i think we were technically working

yourusername: were we? it never feels like work being with you

oscarpiastri: you didn't notice all of the people around us and filming us?

yourusername: i only have eyes for you osc, we know this

oscarpiastri: hehehhehehehee

yourusername: also i have to completely commit you to memory before you fuck off for another couple of months

oscarpiastri: you could always just come with me

yourusername: let me get my degree first, one of us has to be educated osc

oscarpiastri: i have my a-levels? lando doesn't even have gcses

landonorris: why am i catching a stray?

yourusername: because my boyf is smart

landonorris: i've got street smarts 😩

oscarpiastri: you've been catfished like five times already and nearly had your bank details stole?

landonorris: well ... i like to see the best in people?

user3: thank you mclaren for giving us the oscar and y/n content

user4: and the proof that love still exists

user5: terminally lonely girls block mclaren, oscar and y/n.- it's for your mental health

user6: or if you have commitment issues this is some good exposure therapy

logansargeant: oh who did you force to be your photographer this time?

yourusername: you never learnt reading comprehension in school?

logansargeant: i can read i just choose not to read the soppy shit you and oscar say to each other

oscarpiastri: leave us alone

yourusername: you have a problem with us no matter what 🤨

logansargeant: do NOT make me the bad guy for complaining about hearing your guys' sexy time

oscarpiastri: we spend A LOT of time away from each other

yourusername: and by the sounds of it, you could learn a lot

logansargeant: you know what WHATEVER

user7: they terrorise logan so much from opposite sides of the world, pray for him when she can travel with oscar

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 83,409 others

yourusername: i love any piece of you osc but the separation anxiety is kicking my ass

view all comments

user9: oscar gave y/n a plush of himself

user10: no cause he's literally such a black cat

yourusername: he blushes just like that as well

user11: oh really?

user12: want to share with the class

yourusername: that's for my eyes only

oscarpiastri: i'm glad he got to you safely

yourusername: i just about tackled the postman 😔

oscarpiastri: poor graham, we should get him a better christmas gift this year

yourusername: yeah sorry graham but you sprayed the kitty with your cologne and i can't be held responsible for my feral behaviour

user13: they get their postman christmas gifts?

user14: they have the same postman?

user15: yes, y/n lives with his family

user16: really?

yourusername: they can't get rid of me

oscarpiastri: they also love her as much as i do (literally, i have to fight my sisters to spend time with y/n)

landonorris: so this is why we were waiting so long for you at the airport

oscarpiastri: well, yes. it's very important i get y/n a souvenir

landonorris: i could've slept for like an hour longer?

yourusername: just because you don't understand true romance lando 🤨

landonorris: i know romance!

yourusername: maccies in a hotel room is not romance

landonorris: you guys are just freaks about each other that's not my fault

user17: y/n hanging out with oscar's sisters is so precious

user18: if they aren't married soon i will no longer believe in love

user19: they're 23?

user20: tbf i forget that because they've been together since they were like 15

logansargeant

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 351,904 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

logansargeant: oscar forced me to post this so y/n could 'remember how hot he is while he's away at war'

view all comments

user21: oh wow... thank you logan!

user22: this is not exactly what i was expecting when i opened instagram but alas i'm not complaining

yourusername: WOOF WOOF WOOF

oscarpiastri: 🤭🤭🤭

logansargeant: someone please remind me why i'm friends with you two

yourusername: because we're your only friends?

yourusername: wait sorry that was mean

yourusername: i just get protective

logansargeant: you're telling me 🤨

oscarpiastri: i'm swooning 🥰🩷

logansargeant: i give up

alexalbon: why am i a part of this oscar thirst trap? why are you posting a thirst trap of oscar?

yourusername: HE'S A GOOD FRIEND

alexalbon: i didn't consent to be part of your weird long distance lust

yourusername: oh girl ain't no one looking at you when oscar is there

alexalbon: you know what you're mean :( i want you to stay in australia

yourusername: i promise i'm a lot nicer when i'm with osc, the distance makes me cranky

alexalbon: i see, remind me to never take oscar out in a race

logansargeant: i think that's wise - i heard her yelling down the phone about carlos

yourusername: i had to block him to stop myself

user23: i am honestly so confused

user24: i think we just let them do it, we'll never understand

landonorris: do NOT ask me to do this @oscarpiastri

yourusername: booooooo you're such a debbie downer

oscarpiastri: he's just s fuckboy he doesn't understand

landonorris: i don't think i'll ever understand you two

yourusername

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 119,056 others

yourusername: one degree hotter xx

view all comments

user26: fucking finally now we can get y/n in the paddock every weekend

liked by oscarpiastri

user27: mclaren social media team seen celebrating just as much

oscarpiastri: and i didn't think it was possible for you to get any hotter

yourusername: maybe a piastri jersey?

oscarpiastri: and a ring?

yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yourusername: you know i'll never say no to that

yourusername: do nOT propose through an instagram comment oscar - nicole

oscarpiastri: noted 😔

yourusername: but name the time and the place and i'll be there baby

user28: so we could defo get a y/noscar proposal this season

user29: i would be so insufferable it's unbelievable

user30: the way i just know it was killing oscar not being able to go

user31: did you guys see the kicked dog eyes in the paddock yesterday 😭😭😭

oscarpiastri: they had to force me on the plane

landonorris: no they legit were about to call mick or pato

user32: did y/n convince you to not run away to australia?

oscarpiastri: maybe ....

charles_leclerc: ummmmm who is this oscar? why hasn't your father been introduced?

yourusername: HI

oscarpiastri: y/n is the love of my life and you SHOULD be able to meet her next race weekend

yourusername: so have i also got another father-in-law?

charles_leclerc: you seem to terrorise the other drivers a lot so - yeah!

yourusername: at your service (unless it's you hitting oscar, then there's no MERCY)

charles_leclerc: okay you are kinda scary wtf

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,203,677 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: unbelievably proud of you and everything you've done darling. i'm so sorry i couldn't be there to celebrate with you, but i'll make it up to you before you know it xx

view all comments

user33: oh to be loved like this

user34: they make me feel lonely like the world apart i can only imagine how insane it'll be when they're back together 24/7

yourusername: i love you so so so much osc. you've done more than you could know by supporting me through my education. we have the rest of our lives to be together, so don't beat yourself about it now

oscarpiastri: but i'm so proud of you and just wanted to be there to celebrate you :(

yourusername: osc i can feel you pouting through the screen baby

landonorris: he really is and it's kinda annoyingly cute

yourusername: of course it's cute it's oscar 🙄

landonorris: right so i'll take back my congratulations then

yourusername: FINE BY ME

user35: obsessed with how y/n and lando already have this weird sibling bond

user36: it's the weird relationship that you kind of love between your gf and friend

user37: it's all cute until they actually fight

yourusername: if he makes any wrong step against oscar i'll crush that loser

landonorris: ahhaaha funny joke

yourusername: you're a 5'5 twig, i could snap you in half

user38: i need them to recreate the last photo when oscar wins his first race

user39: i think pinterest would explode

yourusername: no but no joke, i love you so much osc and i can't wait to start the new chapter of our life

oscarpiastri: i love you too xx

oscarpiastri: sorry to my sisters but they're losing their live in stylist because you're never ever leaving me ever again

oscarpiastri: that makes me sound like a possessive asshole but i just have attachment issues

yourusername: no these years since you started in f3 have been actual hell without you and i never want to leave your side again

yourusername: i just love watching you do what you love

oscarpiastri: i'll always love you more

user40: who's chopping onions wtf

user41: i'm invoicing them for my therapy

mclarenf1

liked by fredvesti, arthurleclerc and 1,256,046 others

tagged: yourusername

mclarenf1: don't tell oscar but we've got a surprise guest for him 🤫

view all comments

user45: take me out back and shoot me please and thank you

user46: so real of you

landonorris: is this why his phone is currently hidden in my drivers room?

mclarenf1: maybe ...

landonorris: if he fights me for it that's on you guys

mclarenf1: wait admin has just realised you definitely shouldn't be on your phone

landonorris: LOL

user47: mclaren you better not fuck this race for oscar because i need my big rom com ending kiss in parc ferme

user48: omg romance writers do i have a plot for you

user49: the way this would seem so unrealistic if i read it in a book but these fools really have been together for like eight years and are unbelievably in love

yourusername: heheheheh thanks for flying me out on such late notice xx

mclarenf1: no worries queen

yourusername: you guys better be on top form, you can't hide from me in the garage

mclarenf1: hahahaha 😅😅😅

user50: is y/n the reincarnation of nicole scherzinger? like a wag that goes fucking mental

user51: and wears team merch with pride

yourusername: nicole is a queen (thank you for one direction queen) but you guys do not want me on the microphone

user52: you and oscar karaoke? please?

yourusername: we once did breaking free together but you'll have to bother logan for that video

user53: OSCAR PLEASE WIN AND DO DRUNK KARAOKE

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,556,308 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: i told you she was my lucky charm. overjoyed to get my first win, it's a dream come true and to have the love of my life with me makes it even sweeter. y/n, i'll love you forever and a day x

view all comments

user54: CONGRATS OSCAR 🧡🧡🧡

user55: i'm having such a proud mum moment

user56: tears in my eyes

user57: not as much as y/n that girl was going THROUGH IT

user58: we need her mascara, cause that shit didn't budge

yourusername: I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU OSCAR

yourusername: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

yourusername: AND THANK YOU FOR WAITING FOR ME TO BE AT A RACE TO WIN

oscarpiastri: i guess i just knew in my bones you were here and simply had to win

oscarpiastri: i just wanted to see you so bad that i drove the fastest to the finish line

yourusername: well tell them to hurry up and debrief so we can celebrate 👀

oscarpiastri: ON MY WAY

user59: maybe we will get that karaoke?

logansargeant: congrats bro! @landonorris i hope you brought some ear plugs, if not you might want to start drinking now

landonorris: SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK STAT

yourusername: i'll personally buy you a drink because i'm going to rock his world tonight

oscarpiastri: 😎😎😎

landonorris: and here i thought you were my little innocent teammate

yourusername: there's nothing little about him

landonorris: EWWWW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE

yourusername: all celebrations aside, i'm so proud and i'll love you forever and always x

oscarpiastri: it's always been you and it will always be you

yourusername: i love you

oscarpiastri: i love you too

fin.

note: WOOOOOOOOOO OSCAR!!! (i'm ignoring everything else to do with the race, oscar is my king)

[ja3yun]

welcome back aj 🫶🏻 i missed you so much and i was in so much shock when you deactivated

you don't have to answer this but why did you leave?

i miss you guys too! i'll answer this ask and then get to the others later (im cherishing these deeply) since i owe you all some semblance of an explination...

i'll put it under the cut but i will warn you that i will be speaking about mental health and eating disorders briefly - i want to be open and honest with you all so we can start fresh and i can put this past year behind me and not explain it more than once - so no need to read if it makes you uncomfortable <33

when i took my break just before i deactivated, i weirdly felt obliged to keep posting anyway, like with my blog there and the one year anniversary coming up/5k followers, i was putting pressure on myself to just get over the rest i was taking and post. that was completely my bad and its a standard i set for myself - if you followed me last time, you'll know i posted almost every week or at least every month.

but i took the break because my mental health was at an all time low, i had so many horrible thoughts swirling around my head that i wont share, but they were bad, my ed has come back and i'm still working on it now icl, but esp then i was exhausted and running on empty - literally stopping me from doing anything. i would get up, go to work, come home and just try to find joy in anything to keep me going and at that time, writing wasnt one of those things. and that made me even sadder because i love to write, its been my happy place for years so...with my blog hovering over me, the pressure just got too much - plus pair it with the hate asks, death threats, and toxic environment that this site had become, i made the decision to just delete everything - no blog, no pressure.

i've worked on myself over the past month, therapy, medication, clinics are all in full motion and i cannot tell you how much better i feel. even just knowing i'm helping myself has completely turned me around and although i'm still struggling somewhat with everything, i feel like i'm in a good place to start doing what i love again.

i should have made this post before deleting my blog, and i'm so sorry that i didn't. tbh i didnt think anyone would notice or care this much 😭 i'm also extremely sorry to those who wished to finish my series' or recent fics - but i had to delete it for me to get past all of this. i will reupload eventually with slight revamps!

everyone has been so kind and i love you all so much, trust me when i say people have told me the posts and love you guys shared about my works and it really means something to me. now i'm taking this blog at a much softer pace, so i wont be posting as much, but i will try my best.

[collidescopeeyes]

Hi !! Any chance that you're going to write about sett or kayn? Just wondering ehehe, I love your fics so much and I always read them time to time. It fills that void in my heart ｡⁠◕⁠���⁠◕⁠｡

I have an Order of Shadows (Zed and Kayn/Rhaast) harem fic I've been chipping away at! Unfortunately my mental and physical health has been pretty rock bottom the last few months so I haven't been up to writing much. As for Sett, I had a vague idea for a Roulette Wheel chapter where Iso becomes a pit fighter at his establishment while also unwittingly moving in with his mom, leading to Hijinks, but alas it stayed 90% an idea. Please enjoy this random out of context scene from the 10% however

“You're living with my mom?” He hisses as soon as the door shuts, and it is indeed a hiss; there's some animalistic noise rattling in his chest while he speaks that makes it difficult to be sure which word in that sentence he's actually stressing. Maybe all of them.

You shrug so hard your shoulders go up to your ears, equally agitated. “How was I supposed to know?! This was before I even fucking met you!”

He gestures harshly to his ears, then back towards the door to the dining room, pinning you with a wildly incredulous look. “We're the only two Ottari Vastaya in this entire city, you didn't think?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that?” You demand. “Why would I assume everyone I meet with fucking animal ears is related!? They could've been fucking…fox ears, or wolves, or something, I don't know, and I'm not going to assume because I'm not about to be some sort of cat-boy racist!”

He squints at you. “Cat boy?” He repeats.

“Cat man, whatever,” you wave a hand at him.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “That's not–whatever, not the issue. You can't tell her. About any of it. You, me, the pit, anything, y’hear me?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Are you asking me to lie to her?”

“I'm telling you to lie to her, as your fucking boss,” he snaps. "It'll break her heart if she finds out."

“Maybe you shouldn't be in a profession that would break her heart in the first place,” you shoot back, scowling.

His lip curls. “Hey, fuck you. What other option do I got, trying to make a decent living for the both of us in this fucking town? You think I haven't been down that road, huh? Who's going to hire a beast-blooded bastard?”

You regret your words immediately. “I didn't mean…I'm sorry, that was a shitty thing for me to say.”

He deflates in turn. “I…fuck.” He turns away, raking a hand through his hair. “Honestly, you're not wrong. She deserves better than being lied to, but I just…I don't feel like I've got much of a choice, y'know? If she knew where the money came from she wouldn't take it, and I ain't going back to watching her kill herself on shit jobs for shit people. Did enough of that growing up,” he says with a scowl.

You sigh. “Sett, I’m historically pretty fucking bad at keeping secrets,” you inform him. “Literally, the only secret I've managed to keep came with a magic shock collar.”

His face scrunches in the way it does when he's not sure if he wants to ask what the fuck you're talking about. “What?”

You wave a dismissive hand at him. “If I talk about a certain point in my life I start…well I can't say what happens, but…y'know what happened to Junbei?”

He blinks. “The bouncer who got glassed? Or the guy who got a razor slipped into his food cuz he was fucking around on his wife?”

You nod. “Yes. Anyway, it's a whole thing, it's not really important.”

“That seems pretty important,” he argues, face scrunch intensifying.

“Anyway, we need to get our stories straight,” you say, blatantly changing the subject. “I've been pretty vague about my work, so I don't think there should be any contradictions, except–” you pause, staring off into space. Then you cringe.

“What? Iso, what?” He asks, alarmed.

You cover your face, groaning. How the fuck are you supposed to explain that she's been trying to set you up with her son? How the fuck were you going to explain that you dodged said set up by telling her you were interested in your cocksure boss, who is apparently also her son? You'd have to leave the country. You'd have to throw yourself into the nearest Void Rift and hope to whatever God had jurisdiction that you didn't fucking embarrass yourself in whatever universe you got spat into next. “Nevermind, don't worry about it.”

“Iso…” he says warningly. You ignore him and go back into the dining room.

[carakook]

Hi 🥲

So.... remember how I said I'd be back before? Lol, well right after that post some shit happened and it honestly made me not even want to open tumblr anymore. I won't go into deep detail of course, because I wish nothing for the best for these people. However I had some friends that were not actually friends, and some of them took things too far within our friend group. Long story short, I lost a good chunk of the friends I previously mentioned in my post, and some of them knew about my tumblr account (even though I did not give it out freely, they just found it and shared it with each other) and they were sending me asks pretty much making fun of me. Mocking my writing and my love for BTS in general. I also was sent screen shots of them talking badly about my writing, and it really just made me feel insecure, angry, and sad. This isn't everything that happened of course, but it is the reason I have not posted or even been on tumblr in months. It's immature really, I'm 26 years old, and don't have time to be dealing with bullshit like that. But, I do suffer from mental health issues (I'm sure you guys could tell, huh? ADHD and Anxiety gang wya?) and anxiety is a big thing for me. This entire situation really messed with me, but made my anxiety flare up horribly. So when this started happening, I got really bad anxiety about posting and interacting on tumblr in general. I had a lot of irl stuff going on too, and it felt like my safe space to be creative and cope with that shit was intruded on. All of this is to say that I'm sorry I didn't come back when I said I would, literally the week I was going to finish Bloom, this happened. A lot of stuff came to light, and then my tumblr asks were invaded, and I just felt burnt out and lost my spark. But I do wanna say thank you to J and K for being such good friends to me throughout all of this, they have been encouraging me to pick up my story and even make new ones. I love them a lot, they are probably some of the best friends I have ever had and they have been so helpful throughout all of this. The good news is, I am feeling a lot better about it all now. We have all moved on, and my anxiety is gone because I got over it. Just don't care anymore really. I'm more at peace. So I think I am ready to come back! I also wanna thank the author of Mutual Help, @personasintro, I don't know her personally but she recently uploaded a new chapter of Mutual Help (if you have not read it, and you are a Jungkook lover, GO READ IT??? IT IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAV FF EVER.) and that heavily got me in the mood to write again. Her writing is beautiful, and she always inspires me. So thank you Mimi for being as amazing as you are. <3 I am sorry again for being gone so long, but I want to come back. I love writing and I love BTS, other groups too, and I really love being delulu and turning it into little stories. So I hope you can all welcome me back and get excited. I won't give a timeframe yet, but I will be uploading the new chapter of Bloom very soon. Might have some smaller stories posted while I work on Bloom and refresh my brain. I have some work stuff I need to catch up on, and then my focus will be on Bloom. In the meantime, how are you all doing? Are you eating well?? Getting rest? Anything new? Taking care of yourselves? I'd love to hear. I have really missed you all so much, and god I have missed tumblr. It took a lot for me to open the app recently, but after I finally did, I realized everything is ok. To those who have waited for me patiently, thank you so much, I love you more than you understand. I can't wait to start again! I have a lot of stuff planned for the future, and I still have Metamorphosis to upload. So please bare with me while I get back into the swing of things.

P.S, shoutout to @wearentdelulu, she’s my best friend and has helped me a lot. She’s recently started writing stories on tumblr, please check out her page. She’s an amazing writer. But beyond her writing, she’s a great friend and inspires me to be better every day. She is a big reason I want to come back to you guys, knowing she’s here gives me courage and inspiration, so thank you J. 💖

[girl-in-the-chairs-void]

Mutuals appreciation post because I love them very much;

Okay, I don’t know about other bloggers but like I talk to my mutuals almost everyday, whether it is through sending them random TikTok’s, or through telling them head-cannons about our favourite character or just simply checking up on our crippling mental healths. And recently I’ve expanded from talking to only like two mutuals of mine (yes, I’m looking at you; @bussyslayer333 and @roostersrooster ).

but the newly found mutuals of mine who don’t know, every month or so, I do this mutual appreciation post because I just love you guys to the moon and back. So first up;

@blue-aconite, Fe, baby I ABSOLUTLY adore you, your fics make me so happy and let me drown has me knee deep in its plot. I love you so so much for being there and supporting me. If it weren’t you, I was going to abandon Antidores and Poisons but you encouraged me to keep going and I love you so much for that<33

@birdy-bat-writes, Riya, my lovely 2nd wife, I don’t know how to even begin describing how much happiness you bring me. Your love and excitement that you bring to our dms is absolutely phenomenal. I love writing with you so so much and nothing could ever beat the feeling of posting “Tu maan meri jaan” with you and many more to come!!!

@whoreforseresin Sofi, my darling sofi, I am running out of words, and that’s kinda bad cause I’m meant to be a writer but hey ho! You are just so PERFECT and your writing make me cry because I’m lonely and touch starved but it’s so cute. Thank you for everything, you literally were the person who I finished “Oh, sweetheart” for and it’s the best smut I’ve ever written. So I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU SO SO MUCH, BESITOS.

Last but not least, my besties, my wives, my lifelines that have been there since I started writing; @roostersrooster and @bussyslayer333 you two are, will you believe me if I said I’m tearing up?? Like I’m sorry but like you guys pulled me out of a really bad time and I love you for that. You talked me into things and I’ve shared many great nights talking about the top gun cast and just basically anything with both of you. I love you to the next galaxy and forever because nothing could ever compare to the feeling you guys give me when you post of text me. I LOVE YOUUU *SMOOCHES* <33333❤️❤️

And then some honourable mentions go to; @arson-tm, @startrekfangirl2233 @roosterbruiser @dhwanishah09 and @rooster-84 there is so much I wanna say to you guys but I’m running out of English words so just know I love you all the same IF NOT MORE AND THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR BEING SUCH AN AMAZING PERSON TO ME and idk what else to say so goodbye I LOVE YOUU 💕💕💕

[punkrockisafulltimejob]

This may be the one time I ask tumblr for an opinion.

So, idk how many of you know what's happened to me in the last approximately 15 months. I lost my car, broke up with my partner of 10 years, my best friend and only confidant moved a thousand miles away, had a mental breakdown, moved in with my husband, transferred jobs, dealt with distancing myself from my parents both physically and emotionally, and now I'm working on dealing with my chronic pain. I had so little energy that I kinda let a bunch of things fall to the wayside, including some friendships. They weren't like super strong I mist talk to this person all the time friendships, but still friendships.

One of these friends has been trying to talk to me. He's a good guy but any time we get on the phone it's an hour long conversation, at least. He also calls a lot without texting first. The most recent time he called me was at 1:30 in the morning. I haven't relied to his text. Idk what to do. I do not have the energy to get into anything with him. I have a feeling his text is going to be kinda guilt trippy. From the preview of the text I saw part of the phrase "being ghosted". I just do not have the capacity to deal with that on top of everything else. I don't have the energy to say "yeah I'm sorry but I've been dealing with health crises for me, my husband, and my mother in law". I feel bad completely ignoring him but I also know last time I talked to him I did explain I have a lot going on. He wants me and my husband to come up there for a visit but that's also over an hours drive from me and my husband and I don't have similar work schedules at all. I don't wanna make excuses, but like we literally cannot justify that kind of road trip rn, not with everything else.

Idk, I'm not the bad person here am I?

[queerlymasculine]

god bless you to the ends of the earth for your viewpoints and rbs on men; I’ve needed so so so badly to see it in this world where nobody seems to care let alone recognise our humanity at all

-Some Guy

I literally have no idea how long this has been in my ask box, I am so sorry my friend. I have been away from this blog for about five months, oof.

that being said, of course! I love men. I could tell you stories about the wholesome masculinity of the cis men in my inner circle and how much they love their friends, including me, and how easily and openly they talk about mental health and offer and give support. I love being a man! I love being a masculine man! I love being a masculine man who does kink and whose masculinity is not impacted or altered by the role I play. I love being a man and I love men!!!!

men are great.

viewing men as a problem, believing men are inherently predatory or violent - these are incompatible with building a better world. the people who hold these beliefs do not want a better world. they do not want an equitable world. you cannot work for a better world while holding hatred and disgust for people in your community, and we are all in community with each other.

so, I don't confer even the barest legitimacy to ideologies that hate men. I don't read what they write, I don't concern myself with trying to change their mind, I don't even think of what I might say to disprove their beliefs. I do not engage with people who are acting in bad faith. they do not deserve it, and I do not accept nor claim the responsibility for changing them.

they are wrong. they are poison. and that's their problem.

I know the truth. we know the truth. we know that all human beings are equally capable of great acts of love and great acts of evil. we know gender doesn't determine someone's personality or temperament or future. I think one of the greatest acts of love we can do for ourselves is ignore the noise that is not concerned with truth and reality.

being away from this blog, where I have seen more rad//fe/m propaganda than my other blog, for a solid five months was the best thing I could do for myself as I was working on surgery and other things related to realizing and manifesting my manhood and masculinity.

being a man is a beautiful thing, that is a fact. people can disagree, but opinions don't change facts.

I hope you are as well as you can be, and I hope you are doing your best to bask in your manhood and finding ways to celebrate it.

[bloodbankzz]

i just dropped the invisible kingdom: reimagining chronic illness at 83% read because i am fucking furious with it. within the first few chapters i immediately had a bad feeling about her penchant for pseudoscience and i shouldve trusted my fucking intuition. instead i foolishly thought she would tie it all into how desperate populations can fall into the hands of grifters under the uncaring gaze of a "healthcare" system under capitalism and in the usa especially by the end, and FOOLISHLY, FOOLISHLY, FOOLISHLY recommended it TO AN ABLED PERSON to help understand the mental toll it all took even in the most ideal of circumstances. just to fucking watch this woman pile on dubious science after dubious science while she jet sets AROUND THE FUCKING WORLD spending what would easily be hundreds of thousands of fucking dollars AND NEVER EVEN BEING FIRED FROM HER JOB DUE TO DISABILITY? she just keeps her fucking dream princeton fuckin writer job the whole time. interviewing quacks because she was scammed, and she was scammed a lot. and im sorry to her for that. but not really because fucking ozone blood whatever and flying to england for fecal transplant and supplements and supplements and supplements and obvious orthorexia were clearly very within her budget. can you imagine a world where you rack up thousands and thousands and thousands in credit card debt and it just ends up not fucking mattering? oh my god i could be mad for so long at how much this rich woman got to see top doctors (without insurance!) and experiemental procedures and this and that and that and that with EXTREMELY sketchy conclusions because ~ shes a poet at heart ~ (?????????) AND THEN PUBLISH IT LIKE SHE SPEAKS FOR ANY OF US? reimagining chronic illness?????? for who????? no i can QUITE easily imagine that rich people do indeed have the ability to buy their way into health no matter what stupid path that leads them through. that happens all the time! remember the son blood infusion guy? god. im so fucking angry and its all of this but i really was gonna fucking put up with it and just add caveats but do you know what she fucking does?

after months of antibiotics, her lyme disease is seemingly cured. great for her. she reflects on how freaking awesome it is to have a body that works again! my body was broken and now its fixed and i can have a baby. im human again.

now this whole time, as someone who has been sick my whole life and will never have the money or life she has, i had been listening, and feeling seen by her emotional plight (if extremely skeptical of her... favored... choices?) but the whole time i will not lie to you i was simmering with this now exploding anger due to a deep envy. i am envious of a lot of people though, specifically because of my disabilities. so i was swallowing it. she got to make it to adulthood before she was dying. she got to establish and keep her career of choice. she could see any practioners she wished. i was so painfully jealous, but again, i was still recommending it on the basis of "this is how bad it is for the luckiest one of us." the betrayal i felt, when this book that kept SAYING it was about finding the ability to live in uncertainty brought on by mysterious illnesses, which i put up with through so many fucking red flags, ended with her literally fucking fine? pretty much fucking cured of the big thing causing her problems? AND IT TURNED OUT? THIS WHOLE THING? WAS ABOUT HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO EXPERIENCE CHRONIC DISEASE FOR SOME YEARS AND HOW GREAT IT IS WHEN YOU DONT ANYMORE AND YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT?

she gets to feel human again. thats so fantastic for you. do you know what that makes me?

this would not be a big deal in a memoir about one womans decade(?i think) long struggle to get better and happy ending. neither would the glaring lack of real social justice & meaningful critique of a system aside from how it sucks for her specifically with a tiny bit of lip service for the rest of us with MASSIVE, GLARING BLINDSPOT OF PRIVILEGE unescapable in everything she fucking says and does. however. i would not have read that book. i picked up a book called Reimagining Chronic Illness. and i expected it to be about reimagining chronic illness. perhaps, starting from an empathetic touchstone of personal struggle.

0/5 all i wish is that i had trusted my fucking gut or that this book wouldve had the decency to show me what it was SEVEN FUCKING HOURS AGO. i can tell why an ableist society showered it with praise.

[next-lvl]

I’m currently staying away from twitter since it’s way too efficient at destroying the remains of my sanity, usually I’d dump my silly rants over there but yeah sorry I’m gonna use this place as an outlet for now :’D

I planned this Wakfu thing out since December, if not earlier. I shoulda just started working on the big oc pic right away back then, knowing my own, often unpleasantly random life.. Ah well, shoulda woulda coulda. I naively thought I still had time, despite my now-regular insomnia, still feeling decent on some days allowed me to chip away at the artwork. All was slowly but steadily going according to keikaku.. Until it wasn’t.

Yeah my house isn’t being bombed right now but the risk of paypal being disabled in my country’s still looming over. For me it’s an equivalent of an axe waiting to chop off my head. I’ll spare you the sob story of my 30+ years long life, just gonna say my mental health’s never been good and since 2017 it’s been an uphill fight mostly fought alone. This isn’t a call for pity, please don’t get me wrong, I’ve just gotta state the facts. I have no one to take care of me. I only have me. A broken thing that still has enough spite to keep crawling forward. My current life’s being held together by a bunch of mental hoops. Remove one, everything collapses. So.. The seemingly ridiculous non-threat of having paypal banned in my country (again, wish I’d never have to call it mine), is a direct life threat to me. It emerged somewhat abruptly this thursday, virtually nothing’s changed since then, no official statement whatsoever. Just kill the suspense and tell me what to prepare for, jfc.. I’ve withdrawn all my funds, praying to see them hit my bank in the few workdays. I had enough for one month and you guys pushed it to two months. If bad things DO happen to paypal, my financial situation’s secure enough to reevaluate and adapt. I just wish they gave the damn response already. The uncertainty is what leaves me mentally drained.

With this being said, I’m not simply bummed that I didn’t get to finish my big Wakfu anniversary art in time. I’m destroyed.

Can I just emphasize what this 10th anniversary means to me? Longterm followers would know. It’s not just 10 years of my life spent in a fandom, it’s BEST 10 years of my life, despite everything that happened to Wakfu since, uh, 2014, and to me personally since 2017. I had a purpose. I still have. Human’s a weird animal that finds strength in seemingly random things. My and Ake’s Wakfu ocs are that thing to me. I belong. I have something precious in my life. I literally would’ve died if I didn’t bind myself to the duty of taking care of them. The characters that are more alive than myself in some ways. They’re my all.

It’s not ridiculous if it’s the only thing keeping you alive. And I won’t let anyone take this from me. Currently I’m royally pissed off and it’s a major improvement from fear and panic, from here on I can work my way back up to a functioning state. So.. Even if the pic isn’t ready on the 28th, even if I’m still beating myself up over it, I’m hoping to sit down and work on it maybe tomorrow. We’ll see. Sorry for the vent. It was a rather huge and embarrassing infodump if you’re new here.

[robust-cicada]

Fade Out Again (Thom Yorke X Reader)

For @shehangsbrightly

prompt: honestly i would be allll over the bends era thom, and i think something angsty is what i’m feeling rn. do your magic 😌

Gender Neutral and SFW

CW: angst, burnout, arguments, swearing, guilt, break up, bad mental health.

“I really don’t know what you want from me! I thought you’d be happy to see me after, I don’t know? Nearly a year? But no, I’m the bad guy as always!”

“You think that you’re the only one this tour has taken a toll on? I haven’t been in the comfort of my own home in a year. I haven’t seen my friends or family in a YEAR! You can’t always expect to be my top priority!”

“Obviously. You know, every tour you do the more of a self-centered asshole you become. Just because your band is ‘making it big’ doesn’t mean you have to treat the people in your life like shit, Thom! It isn’t just me. Ed literally has told me numerous stories from when you got too drunk to even perform! You promised.”

“Oh enough of that promise bullshit Y/N! I’m sick of it!”

“Well, that shows how much you fucking cared about it, huh? Shows what a promise means to you? You’re pathetic. The amount of love and support I have poured into you since fucking college and one hit song throws every promise and hope for our future away.”

“Oh fuck off.”

I let out a dry laugh and walked to our bedroom. I grabbed a suitcase and packed as much as I could shove into it.

“What are you doing now?”

“Fucking off. I’m done, Thom. Absolutely done.”

“Yeah sure. You won’t last more than two days Y/N, and you know it. We’ve been through this before.”

I stormed towards him, his back colliding with the wall. I looked into his eyes, trying to look for any sign of remorse in his cold, blue orbs.

“Not this time Thom. I’m tired of crawling back to you with hopes that things will be how they used to again. I am tired of endlessly longing for you to return the love I give to you. You’ve changed and if this is you now? I want no part of it.”

He scoffed and looked away from me.

“Anything to say? Or are you too good for that, Mr. Big Rockstar?”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

I scoffed and grabbed my stuff. I stormed out onto the snowy streets. It was freezing but I didn’t dare look back. It felt like I had been walking for hours before I found a phone booth. I put the change in the slot and dialed the only number I could remember through my rage.

“Hey, Eddie? It’s Y/N..”

“What happened this time?”

“Well, what usually happens when he gets home I suppose. Are you busy?”

“Need somewhere to stay?”

“Ye-ah.” My voice cracked as tears swelled my eyes.

“Where are you, I’ll be there as soon as I can?”

---

It had been nearly two months since we broke up and not a word was spoken between us. Ed had generously let me rent out the spare room in his house until I got my shit together, which did not seem to be happening. All I could seem to do was cry, work, and sleep. Eddie was wonderful and tried to help when he could, but he tended to keep his distance. At some point, I knew Thom would end up stumbling into the house, however, I did not expect to hear his voice breaking downstairs as he talked to Ed.

Thom’s POV

“Ed, it’s driving me mad! Do you know where they are, have you heard from them, anything?”

“If they wanted you to know where they were, they would’ve contacted you. I can’t really help you, man.”

“I just. I can’t do this anymore. I need them, so badly. You don’t fucking understand.” I crumbled to the ground in tears. “It’s my fault. Every time they leave it’s my fault and- and I just expect them to come back. What happened to me, Eddie? What... happened?”

“Thom. You’re the only person who’s gonna be able to fix this and you know it. I’m not helping you anymore. We’ve been through this too many times. I’m not a fucking couples counselor!” He grabbed his hair in frustration.

“You… You too? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you’re giving up on me too?”

“You know what, Thom? That’s your problem. You can’t take any fucking responsibility for anything, can you? It’s always somebody else’s fault with you!”

I couldn’t even form a response. My thoughts spiraled rapidly as I tried to figure out where everything went to shit.

“I-I’m so-rry. I don’t know what to do, a-and I don’t mean to throw it all on you, Eddie, you… You’re just always so good with this stuff and you know them so well and- and- and..”

“Thom,” He held his head in his hand, “take a breath. There’s no need for all the blubbering.”

“But-”

“Just shut up for a minute okay? I’ll be right back.”

He marched up the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later he came back down. Followed by Y/N.

Y/N’s POV

His face was tear-stained and puffy. He was in a pile on the floor looking as hopeless as an abandoned puppy.

“Y/N..”

I felt my jaw clench as I looked at him. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for everything he put me through, but my body betrayed me. Instead, I found myself kneeling in front of him, arm reaching out to cup his face in my hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks once again as he rested in my palm. He turned to kiss my fingertips.

“I’m sorry Y/N… I took you for granted. I thought you would always come back, and this time you didn’t, and my ego left with you. I need you, I need you so badly love. I can’t do this without you. Please I will do anything to have you back… Please.” He was barely speaking and as he whispered he looked me in the eyes for the first time in years.

“I... I can’t, Thom.”

His posture snapped to attention and I watched his heart shatter again.

“Why not..?”

“You hurt me.”

Tears of my own now mimicked his.

“Please.”

“Thom, stop.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I love you, and if you ever loved me then you would come back.”

“Don’t you fucking dare with that bullshit Thomas.”

I stood and walked away, but he followed.

“Love doesn’t go away Y/N, you told me that yourself. If you loved me you wouldn’t walk away like this. You’re really willing to throw everything away like that?”

“Stop. Thom, I- I can’t do this, just go.”

“I’m not leaving without you.”

“And I’m not leaving with you.”

He approached me and gently grabbed my hands, giving me the same damn look he did every time he wanted to get his way.

“No, Thom. Stop. Please.”

“One more chance, that’s all I ask. If I fuck it up again I promise you will never hear from me again. I’ll take you on the next tour, I’ll let you get a puppy like you’ve always wanted. Literally, anything you want is yours. You don’t ever have to work again. Just, please?”

“You still don’t get it. I don’t want material things or money. I don’t, well I do want a puppy,” We chuckled, “But that’s not why I left. All I want is your love, some of your time and attention. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel at home. I don’t feel like that with you anymore. The only feelings that run through me when I look at you are sadness and insecurity. You make me feel like a child being scolded by their mother. I just can’t live like that again.”

“I promise that I will fix what needs to be fixed and will do anything I can to make you feel safe again, just trust me.”

“We both know promises aren’t your thing.”

“I’ll keep this one.”

“I can’t believe that, Thom.”

“I’ll let Ed take over the band if I break this promise and I will never perform with Radiohead again.”

“Oh, shove off you lunatic! I’m not worth that. Your fans would have my head.”

“I’m serious.”

“You make everything so hard on me.”

“Jesus, Y/N would you please just say yes? All you have done the past two months aside from work is cry and sleep. I can barely get you to eat. Just get it over with. If he fucks you over again I will personally skin him alive, just, get it over with you two!”

Thom looked at me hopefully. I sighed.

“Fine.”

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

He planted kisses all over my face and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Jesus, Thom, you smell! When was your last shower?”

“I... I have no clue,” He scratched his neck and looked at the ground.

“I mean, you are rank! You smell like a secondary boys locker room after P.E.”

“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”

“Yeah, so it’s okay that I suffer in your stench then?”

“Well, we’ve shared a tour bus, I figure that you’re used to it by now.”

“Well, by that logic, if Y/N is coming on tour with us, they better get used to it too, because you’ve smelled worse after a show.”

“Lovely.”

He laughed and engulfed me in a hug again. I gave in and dug my face into his neck, letting him rock us side to side.

“Let’s get you home then, yeah?”

“If anyone needs to get home it’s you so you can shower!”

“We can shower together if you’d like.”

“Okay, yeah, if you could leave the dirty talk for the car ride home it would be appreciated.”

We laughed once again.

“I’ll go pack,” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before walking up the stairs.

“I love you, Y/N!”

“I love you too Thom.”

[thinkofitasablessing]

I love him in a way I never felt for anyone when I look at him it just blows my mind away I wonder if there's anyone more beautiful in whole world and I know even if I searched the whole world no one else can be more beautiful I know its my love which is making him special but can't help this I have never found any man more beautiful than him maybe I never truly loved anyone I write poems about him when I think of him poetry just flows from my pen it was him definitely who made me fall in love with I said I'm not ready I'm scared he kept showing me that how much he loves me for literally more than 8 months so I also fell in love with him too he showed me how much he loves and used to say that there's no one else that make him feel the way I do but I wonder why his love changed he wouldn't reply for two weeks saying he was busy he started reacting in anger over things instead of understanding he wouldn't listen to me instead of solving the problem his behavior made me worried I asked my friend to check him I was worried he isn't being sincere with me and he starred melting for her even just in 2 days and said to her I love you and all while he was talking to me he said her that I'm so happy I found you I wonder if he was fooling me or her whatever this thing made me so disgusted with him but I still can't help and get rid of his love I feel so bad about myself because I'm the kind of girl who has ignored guys all her life and only had a reserved nature stern nature I never had any male friends and didn't even talk to guys in my class I always had stern nature while talking just work related as our religion says but I wonder why I'm head over heals love in him when he doesn't has any qualities I wanted in my man I said why are you searching clues for fight he got mad over it and said its all in your brain and it will never change I asked so many sorry's and I said I will never do this again we will sort things and when you're angry I won't react back etc you shouldn't just go over this argument it was always me saying him sorry's mostly over arguments and avoided arguments in all costs but he blocked me I messaged him from other accounts telling him how much he mean to me how much I love him how much there can be no one else and I can't marry anyone else I told him how much he means to me sending very very long paragraphs but he didn't reply and just blocked me from every where I know he isn't treating me right but I feeeeel so in love with him even I had the option to choose anyone from world I would choose him over and over again and I wish that he realizes what he lost and comes back because I feel there's no one else that can love her the way I do I could be just sitting there just looking at him and nothing in the whole world would amuse me more than that just being with him is enough to make me happy should I pray that he comes back and love me rightly because I'm sure he will realize one day that no other women can forgive love and tolerate him the way I can shohld I pray that he comes back or forget him I feel so confused and lost.

I understand and this happens. And im sorry for what you have been through. You know people are difficult to understand. Sometimes they pretend that they love you and it is just to fill the void and they do everything to impress you and make you understand that they are worth trusting but they are just having fun with your feelings and sometimes they really do love you and you know the rest if someone really wants to stay with you. as you mentioned about your friend that he said he loved her. So you better come back to your senses because it wasn’t really love what he is doing. Its more of a game that hes been playing. Because when someone likes you for who you are then there shouldn’t be any reason to avoid you.

Its not good for your mental health to think about a person who doesn’t even want to see your messages. It was never love that 8 months. They were prolly using you as a back up and i know its hurtful but you gotta understand how the world has become.

You into someone and that someone is into someone else . And loyalty lies nowhere. What you can do is make dua for not falling into these traps. Because you have a heart and when it’s hurt then you can't take it. Just make Dua for the betterment of yourself.

Try forgetting him because he was nothing but a passing cloud and its not possible for you to stop him and make him love you back.

And you dont have to be sorry to him for anything because when you say sorry then you will lose him even more… and its because he gets strong and makes you look like you are at fault from the very beginning.

In your life some things are not meant to happen…

No matter how hard you try. There is always a big NEVER waiting for you.

May Allah bless you with a pious spouse who will love you unconditionally.

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves: Quarantine

A/N: It's been way too long since I've done something for the Wavesverse, and I apologize deeply. I have a few requests related to this series to complete, but I couldn't knock this idea.

Words: 4K

Warnings: None

Tags: @babe-im-bi @notacamelthatsmywife @missyperle @queenoftheworldisdead @tashawar @valkryienymph @letsshamelessqueen-m @hello-therree @mani-lifes @liquorlaughslove @toni9 @koko-michelle @theequeenofcurses @taylortheeshowpony

Waves

Summer placed her phone inside of the mount and made sure that it was secured before she sat back in her bed, getting comfortable with the mass of pillows supporting her back, and smiling tentatively. “Hi, guys.”

Summer!

Someone tell me this isn’t a joke???? Please???

She lives!

Sis, blink twice if you need help.

Summer rolled her eyes. “Ya’ll better stop. I know it’s been a minute since I’ve hopped on live, but it hasn’t been that damn long.”

Summer continued to read the comments where more than a few people pointed out she hadn’t gone live on Instagram in over three months. Her mouth dropped. “Ya’ll lying. It has not been almost six months, has it?” She placed her hand over her mouth when people started dropping dates in the comments. “Okay, I stand corrected. Damn, I’m sorry, guys.”

Don’t be sorry, bestie. Do better!

Damn, ya’ll are so entitled. Celebrities have lives too.

What life? We all been in quarantine.

Rich people quarantine be different from us poor folks, I guess.

“So that’s actually one of the things I wanted to talk about.” Summer cleared her throat. “And I’m going to try really hard to make sure I word what I want to say as clear and as effective as I can, but I know this is still going to end up as a salacious headline. So, it is what it is.”

Oooh, Summer about to drop some tea.

I don’t see her wedding ring, ya’ll…..

I’m scared omg.

Watch this be nothing but a role announcement.

She shrugged and took a deep breath. “Okay, so a few days ago, I did the Buss It challenge, after being harassed by Sanda. And can I just say that filming was a challenge in and of itself? Not necessarily the movements but preparing? I’ve got two kids, twins, who are like the Tasmanian devil. I was literally up at 3 something in the morning trying to record it because my wild children won’t let me be great.” She chuckled. “Kids are something else.”

Summer truly jumped through hoops and was a damn near acrobat trying to figure out when she could not only get herself done up but actually record the challenge. Being the perfectionist that she was didn’t help, but the fact that she couldn’t recall the last time she’d put on makeup and dressed up was a whole other fiasco.

Quarantine definitely brought out her bum side.

“All of that aside, I truly was satisfied and happy with the final product when I posted it. In hindsight, I should have just left it that, but I wake up every day and choose chaos, so I decided to read the comments.” She blew out a breath. “One of the most frequent comments and really, insults, I’ve received my whole career. Primarily, since I was cast as Storm, revolves around how I look. I.e., my weight. I’ve been called fat, obese, out of shape, and so many other things.”

It was 100% true. The minute Marvel announced that she’d been chosen to play Storm, the racists came all out of the woodworks. She was too short, too chubby, too dark, too black. And Summer didn’t care, not a bit.

“Even,—and I’ll tell you guys this, when I first started my SS training, that’s what I call it, SS for Storm Shape, there was a—person who worked for Marvel at the time who came to visit me while I was training.” She smiled thinking back on that day. She could still recall it so clearly. “He basically was pissed because to him, I still looked the same, fat and out of shape.” She adjusted her top and shifted in her bed. “That same day, I deadlifted and bench-pressed over 200lbs” She paused for effect. “What I need for people to stop doing is stop fucking projecting—and I’m going to cuss in this, so if you don’t like it, oh well. I work for Disney, but I’m a grown ass woman, and I’m going to say what I want.”

I am screaming. Summer said we getting alll the tea today!

So, it’s wrong to point out that someone is physically unhealthy now, cool?

The problem is that no one wants to see a fat superhero. It’s not realistic.

^^^^ Tell me you have a small dick without actually telling me you have a small dick.

“I saw Lizzo, whom I adore, post a Tik Tok where she basically said that she workouts to have the body she wants not what ya’ll want, and honestly? Same. She said that her body type is no one’s fucking business, and that’s so true. Ya’ll love to hop on this internet and pick apart people you don’t even know and criticize bodies you don’t even have to live in and move around with. And for what?” She shook her head, slamming her fist into her open palm as she spoke. She was fully invested now. “I know we in quarantine, but damn, pick another hobby cause being a bully is not it, sweetie.”

I really needed to hear this today.

Using Lizzo as a point of reference makes everything you’re saying null and void. Lizzo is clearly overweight and at risk for diabetes, heart disease, just to name a few…..

I been saying this! You can’t look at a person and say they’re unhealthy.

Bodies come in so many forms, and all are beautiful.

“Now, I bring all this up because a lot of people were commenting on my Buss It challenge and pointing out the fact that I’ve gained weight, and guess fucking what? I have, and you know what else?” She leaned over to whisper while covering her mouth with her hands for focused effect. “I don’t care.”

Summer laughed and shook her head. “As others have pointed out as well, yes, we have a gym in our house. I 1000% acknowledge the fact that having the resources that I do as a celebrity and someone who has money puts me in a different category. Hell, my husband has a whole fitness app. I recognize that. If I wanted to keep up with my workouts, emphasis on wanted, I could have. I own up to that, but I just didn’t feel like it, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to send and leave mean messages calling me all kinds of names.”

Summer had thick skin. She always had. Growing up with her family, who always ensured to feed her self esteem and make sure she knew that she was beautiful, definitely paid off. It was just a combination of quarantine and not having a lot of opportunities to keep herself busy with work that had her feeling some type of way.

“And that’s something else I wanted to bring up.” She blew out another breath and tried to gather her emotions. This was the subject she was almost certain she’d grow teary eyed discussing. “I love my husband to death. My children are everything. Christopher’s family is like my own, but— I haven’t seen my family, like my mom, grandma, brothers, etc in almost a year.” She paused, dwelling on that. Almost an entire year since she’d been able to physically hug and interact with the people who made her who she was. “And I’ve always made it clear how much I fucking love my family. I live in Australia. I can’t do a drive by with grandma so I and my kids can at least see her on the doorstep.” She quieted again, eyes darting off as she quietly cursed. “I’m trying really hard not to cry right now.”

Please don’t cry, bestie.

This is the side of quarantine that people don’t talk about enough.

Has this woman never heard of FaceTime????

I feel her pain. I live in Europe, and my family is in the states. This quarantine has been brutal.

My grandma died from COVID, and I couldn’t even go to the funeral. Summer is bringing up a good point.

“Damn,” Summer chuckled bitterly and wiped at the tears that fell. “I’m okay, I promise. I just bring this up because quarantine has also been very hard for me in that aspect. At certain points, I’ve been down, I’ve been in my head a lot, and I just was not, for the most part, in a space where I felt like I had to keep up my fitness regimen. And that’s okay. I put my mental wellbeing ahead of making sure my body is socially acceptable. Sue me.”

I really appreciate her honesty.

Summer never goes beyond surface level in interviews, so seeing her this vulnerable is really surprising.

Are we supposed to feel bad for her? She’s rich. She can afford whatever help she needed.

These comments are not passing the vibe check.

Ya’ll are all mental health advocates, but when a black woman is opening up about her struggle, it’s discarded?

“And let me make this clear too, I have an amazing husband who is so patient and so kind. He’s one of the best people I can go to when my anxiety hits, so I don’t want this to come across as me complaining that I’ve been alone. I have him and our children. I just miss the rest of my family. That’s all.” She dried her eyes and started to read the comments, unsurprised by the mixed reaction. She expected as such and was unaffected. At least until she saw one comment.

@ChrisEvans: ❤️❤️❤️

“Evans!” Summer wasn’t expecting to see his name pop up. It’d been such a task convincing him to join IG, let alone teaching him how to operate it. “Let’s go live.”

Not my husband and wife in my head about to go live!!!!

Imagine being able to call Chris Evans your best friend

I still say they smashed idc

It’s Christopher Jamal Evans hopping on this live for me.

^^^ I’m so sick of y’all with that shit.

“Let me try to add him,” Summer spoke to herself, scrolling through the comments to find his so she could request him. “Alright, I requested him. Let’s see if he answers.”

She wondered if she should have sent him a text asking if he was available when he appeared on her screen, effectively splitting it with her on the top and him on the bottom.

“Punk.”

“Kid.”

Summer smiled and greeted, “Hi, best friend.”

He chuckled. “How you doing, Summer?”

“Clearly not as good as the people watching,” she chimed. Summer saw nothing but heart eyes and hearts in the comments. “These people really love you. You truly are a manipulative bastard. He’s an asshole, guys.”

“Don’t be jealous, Summer. It’s so unbecoming of you.”

“You can go to hell.”

“Language,” he playfully reprimanded. “Where are the kids?”

“At preschool. Things are finally starting to open back up over here. Thank God.” She clasped her hands together. “Y’all, please wear masks. Don’t be Karen’s.”

Chris laughed, grabbing his chest. “We’re getting there, Summer.”

“The lies you tell,” she countered. “Don’t A Starting Point, me. Ya’ll are far from getting there, and I’m tired of it. I wanna see my family.”

He sighed. “I know, but how are you feeling today?”

“I got rid of the kids, so that’s definitely a weight lifted,” she answered honestly, laughing when she saw judgmental comments in the chat. “Listen, if you’re a parent, you know where I’m coming from. You love your kids, but my god, sometimes you just need some space.”

“As soon as this all blows over, I told you to send em’ by me for a couple of weeks.”

“Best friend, I already purchased their tickets.” He laughed. “As soon as I get the green light, they are all yours. Feel free to keep them.”

“You guys see how she is?” He pointed to Summer, leaning and squinting to read what was being said. “I do love kids, especially the twins, they’re amazing.”

“He is really really great with them, guys,” Summer added. “One thing about Evans, he’s patient as hell and really, just a big kid. Why do you think him and Christopher get along so well? 40 going on 4.”

“I resent that.”

“Is it a lie though?”

He hesitated. “No.” They both laughed.

I’m loving the dynamic between these two so much.

Is it just me or are they flirting with each other…..

Ain’t nothing inappropriate about this conversation. Ya’ll are reaching…

Ya’ll remember that blind item that came out years ago alleging Chris (Evans) was the biological father of the twins? Hmm…..

^^^^^This kind of bullshit is the reason we’re in a global pandemic.

As always, Summer and Evans ignored any foolery that was being dropped in the comments when she caught a comment that didn’t contain some ridiculous rumor.

“Yes, it is true that Evans and Christopher weren’t allowed to do press together anymore. Ya’ll, they literally could not stay serious for more than a minute. I felt so bad for the poor interviewers.”

“Hey, we were not that bad,” Evans protested, his Boston accent more prominent.

She gasped. “You guys were terrible, Evans, and you know it. I was so mad when they put me with ya’ll those few times. I could barely hear the interviewers over your laughing and stupid commentary that literally no one asked for.”

“We did not.”

“There’s deadass video proof, Evans.”

“Fake news.”

She opened her mouth but caught herself. “I was about to say something.”

He laughed and asked, “Do you remember how we all got drunk before the Infinity War premiere?”

“No, ya’ll got drunk. I was big and pregnant, remember?”

“No,” he dismissed. “You were drinking with us.”

“Evans, how was I drinking when I was pregnant?” She challenged and reminded. “I got drunk with ya’ll for the Endgame premiere, not Infinity War.”

“That’s right,” he remembered and chuckled. “You think we’ll get in trouble for saying this?”

She shrugged with one shoulder. “You’re dead, Christopher never gets in trouble for anything, and I do what I want. I think we’re good.”

Kevin Feige watching this live right now like 🥴🥴🥴🥴

I never realized how arrogant she is……

LMAO. Not the whole cast showing up drunk to the biggest premiere of their lives.

Chris Evans is too damn fine to be approaching 40 and still single.

Their friendship is so goals omg

@ChrisHemsworth: Snitches

Summer’s jaw dropped as she caught the last comment, swiping up to click the name and make sure that she was reading correctly. “Christopher, what the hell are you doing on my live?”

Evans brows furrowed. “Hemmy is here? Shouldn’t he be working?”

“That’s what I want to know,” Summer supplied. “And how long have you been watching?”

@ChrisHemsworth: Long enough.

She smiled nervously and looked off to the side. “I feel weird now. I don’t like when he watches my lives.”

“Aren’t you guys married?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be shutting the fuck up?”

Evans lifted his hands in a defensive manner. “Touchy subject, I see.” They shared another laugh as he cleared his throat. “Why don’t you add him now? I’m supposed to be helping Scott cook.”

“My favorite Evans,” she gushed and furrowed her brows. “You, cooking? Since when?”

“Get out of here.” He waved her off and reminded. “I’m not the one who constantly causes near fires when in the kitchen.”

“So, you really just putting all my business out there like that?”

“Summer, it’s not secret to anyone that you can’t cook for shit.”

“Wow, it really be your own best friends.”

He chuckled. “Love you, kid.”

“Love you too, punk,” she blew a kiss. “I’ll text ya’ later.”

“Alright.” He smiled for the camera. “Thanks for having me everyone.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she said jokingly. Evans and Summer said goodbye one last time before he left the live. She blew out a breath and ran her hand through her hair. “Baby, comment something so I can add you. It’s too many comments to wade through.”

Summer adjusted her phone and checked the time on the clock on the wall. It’d been a while since the kids were away at school, and she didn’t want to get so caught up that she was late picking them up.

@ChrisHemsworth: I can’t. I’m too drunk.

Summer released a mixture of a laugh and a snort reading his comment. “You are so damn petty.” She clicked his name and adjusted her outfit while waiting for him to answer. She almost cursed when it seemed like he wasn’t going to join, only for her to smile when his face appeared on her screen.

“Hi,” she greeted in a soft voice with a small smile.

“Hello, Sandcastle.”

“Did you just—I swear to god, it’s always something with you.” Summer rubbed her temples and shook her head. Christopher smiled in response. “Why aren’t you working?”

“I am.”

“You are?”

“Yes.”

“If you’re working, how are you talking to me?” She asked, sassily.

“Umm, a little thing called multitasking, ever heard of it?”

“Wow. You are an asshole.”

“That’s mean.”

“You’re mean.”

“Christopher, you are literally a child.”

“Does a child have muscles like this?” He flexed, and Summer stilled. Christopher stayed in ridiculous shape, but this was another level. He’d never been this massive, and she wasn’t too proud to admit that. Just not aloud.

She faked a yawn. “Am I supposed to be impressed?”

They really just be roasting each other all the time, and I’m here for it.

Summer must be legally blind because this man is stupid fine tf

It’s gotta be steroids. That’s not natural.

^^^^^He’s the god of thunder.

Summer rolled her eyes at the typical nature of the comments. These were the reasons she limited her time on social media and especially stayed away from reading the comments. Her attention was redirected to the top of her phone. It was a text from Christopher asking her to call him.

“But we’re—oh, I get it.” She realized he wanted to talk to her, not her and her tens of millions of followers. “Alright, guys, I’m gonna get off here so I can talk to my husband, alone.”

“She just doesn’t want to share me with you all, that’s all.”

“Don’t even start, Christopher,” she lectured while he laughed and got serious, for a minute tops.

“Hope you all are taking care and staying safe,” he spoke honestly. “And we’ll talk to you soon.”

Summer waved and smile. “Bye, guys. Remember to be kind.” Summer offered a final smile before ending the live. Closing up the app, she moved to open FaceTime and called up Christopher. He answered almost immediately. “You know I hate when you watch my Lives. Now, how much did you see?”

“Enough to know you’re coming to see me tonight.”

She laughed aloud. “Funny.”

“I’m serious, Summer.” Focusing on him, she realized that there was no humor in his voice nor his expression. Summer also noticed that he didn’t have the Thor wig on yet, which was probably why he was able to go live with her. He was waiting to get into hair and makeup. “Leave the kids with Liam. It’s not like he’s doing anything.”

“Christopher!”

“What? Is he not a professional unemployed bastard.”

Summer’s smile remained as she shook her head. “You are so mean.”

“I’ll handle the flight arrangements. You, my beautiful wife, just make sure you get on the jet so I can handle you.”

“Christopher, you’re working. People with everyday jobs don’t just up and show up to their spouses workplace because they miss them or need a break from the kids. That’s how folks get fired.”

Christopher started to move around, walking somewhere, she realized. “What are you doing?”

“Hey, Tike.”

Summer’s eyes widened slightly. “Christoper!”

“Sup, man?” Taika asked casually, as Summer laughed again. Taika Waititi was such a character.

“You mind if Summer comes up for a few days?”

“Sure, man,” he replied almost right away. “Bring the kids and chickens too.”

“I am not bringing those damn chickens,” she immediately protested.

Christopher made a sound. “Ha, so you are coming!”

“I didn’t say that.”

Taika joined Christopher so that he was in camera. “Hey, Summer, why don’t you come on join? You can have a cameo. Chickens, too.”

She rubbed her temples. Taika’s and Chris’s friendship would never not make sense to her. They were cut from the same cloth. “One, hey. Two, I was already in Ragnarok. I’m good on the cameos. Three, what is with ya’ll and those creepy looking chickens?”

“Whoa, creepy? What did the chickens ever do?”

“Exist,” Summer answered dryly. She still hadn’t forgiven Evans and Christopher for convincing her to let the kids keep those damn things. Her home was becoming more and more of a farm with each animal that joined the household.

“Tough crowd, that one, ehh?”

“Always,” Christopher agreed.

“I can hear you both,” she reminded and groaned loudly. Summer would love to spend a few days away from the kids. Chris would be working, yes, but she’d at least get some time for herself. Even better, alone adult time with her husband. That had also been a bit tricky during quarantine because of her rambunctious twins. Still, she disliked using her status as a celebrity to gain things, and this would definitely be a case of using status for pull. “I don’t know….”

Deep in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized that Chris had walked away and returned to wherever he was prior to finding Taika, most likely his trailer.

“What if you only stayed a night?” Chris tried to bargain. “The flight is only an hour and a half. That will give you more than enough time to come here, let me fix you dinner, run you a nice bath, maybe get in the good ole’ horizontal tango—”

“You know I hate when you call it that,” she reminded quietly, admitting. “That does sound nice, though.”

“Or, I can come to you—“

“Absolutely not. Christopher, you’re already doing so much back and forth as it is.” One of the good things to come out of quarantine, to Summer at least, was that it forced many people to take a much needed break. Her husband was one of those people. Christopher had been working nonstop since she met him. Project after project, film after film, many of them Marvel films, which put a whole other layer of difficulty what with the strenuous physical requirements. Even now as he shot Thor 4, he was in the best shape he’d ever been, muscles nearly tearing the cotton of his clothes. He looked amazing, but it was what they couldn’t see that she was starting to grow a little concerned over. Christopher wasn’t as young as he once was. He had to slow down, eventually.

Summer realized this would be a perfect chance to have a conversation about just that with him, which all but led her to her final decision.

“Alright,” she conceded, finger up as she made her demands. “Three days, and I stay at the house while you shoot. We may be returning to normal, but we’re still in a pandemic. I won’t go around anyone except you.”

“So I get you all to myself? Hardly consider that a stipulation.”

“And…we talk.”

“After the horizontal tango—“

“I swear to God, if you don’t stop calling it that—“

“What was that, sweetheart? I wasn’t listening.” She saw that he had paused the screen, causing Summer to remember that she hadn’t even consulted with the babysitter. “Making flight arrangements for you.”

“Shit, let me text Liam and make sure he’s available.”

“He gets reception in the box?”

“Christopher! For the last time, your brother is not living in a box.”

“Do you know that for certain?”

“Goodbye, Christopher,” she prepared to end the call before smiling softly. “I love you, Christopher, and thank you.”

He winked. “I’ll always do anything for you, Summer. Anything.” A beat. “Don’t forget to leave the clothes. You won’t need them.”

“Christopher!”

[mosh-4]

listen (iii)

harry styles imagine mini series

part iii to listen - harry has a soulmate (soulmate au)

you had finally come to your senses after you had just launched yourself from your porch into the arms of your soulmate. With his arms wrapped around you and your blanket slowly slipping from your shoulders into the snow, you began to pull away from him.

             “not that I’m not happy that you’re here, but who gave you my address?” you asked.

he released you from his grasp and began pulling your blanket back over your shoulders.

             “I have my ways,” he laughed.

you squinted at him puzzled.

             “I’m kidding. Kath gave it to me.”

             “oh…honestly, it’s Kath. I’m not that surprised.”

you both let out a little laugh as you peered up at him. you blinked away the snowflakes that landed on your eyelashes. you reached up and gently brushed the snow from his hair.

             “we should probably go inside before we both freeze.” you suggest pulling the blanket away from your frame to peer down at your fuzzy-sock clad feet sinking into the snow.

             “oh god, y’er poor socks,” he laughed looking down at what you were looking at. “let’s go inside before ya get frostbite.”

             “come on, you can meet my dog.”

you grab his hand while his other hand held his snow covered bag that he had dropped in the snow when he caught you.

Harry smiled as he watched you turn toward your front door with your hand in his while your other hand held your blanket around your frame. you pulled him up your front steps to the door, opening it for him.

a big ball of fur bounded out the door and swarmed the both of you.

             “Marley,” you laughed pushing her down as she tried to jump on Harry. “down. we don’t jump on people.”

you led her back inside with Harry on your heels.

Harry gently shook the snow from his hair with his hand. He set his bag down by the door and waited for you. He smiled as he watched you talk to your dog like she was a small child.

             “be nice,” you said letting go of her collar to let her investigate Harry. “she’s not really aggressive. she’s just skeptical of new people. she’ll warm up to you in a second,” you told him.

Harry placed a hand down to let your dog sniff him. she advanced toward him sniffing him before backing away barking again. Harry peered at you to see if her reaction was okay. he watched as you bent down to her height gently petting her.

             “Mar, it’s okay. he’s a friend.”

you finally turned your attention to him. you looked at him from your crouched position. Harry took the hint and squatted down next to you. he put his hand out in front of him again. now that his towering height was gone, Marley approached him and sniffed his hand again before nudging her nose under his loose hand.

             “what is she doing?” he laughed, slightly nervous.

             “she wants you to pet her. she’s not much of a licker so this is how she shows affection,” you replied as you ruffled the fur on Marley’s back.

Harry moved his hand to pet the top of her head, and Marley began to relax.

             “thank god she likes you or this would have been over,” you laugh turning to look at him in the eyes.

his eyes met yours, and he smiled.

             “really? just like that?”

             “just like that.”

you both stared at each other for a moment with goofy grins on your faces.

             “come on, let’s get into something warmer.”

--

you laughed throwing your head into Harry shoulder as the two of you were curled up on your chase lounge. he had changed from his plane clothes into a pair of soft sweatpants and a sweatshirt. you had changed your socks and threw the other pair and your blanket into the dryer. you had FRIENDS playing in the background, but neither of you cared to watch.

             “when did you know I was y’er soulmate?” Harry asked brushing your hair away from your face.

             “when you and Kath called me?”

             “no, you had to have known before then. I don’t believe that you didn’t know until a few months ago.”

             “alright, fine,” you sighed taking his hands in your so that you could play with his fingers. “you remember when you were in one direction?”

             “vaguely.”

you both laughed.

             “so when you were on your take me home tour, I despised you guys.”

             “WHAT?” his eyes grew wide at your statement.

             “I thought your music was too familiar. I’m sorry. it wasn’t until I realized why it sounded so familiar. I heard it every night while you were on tour, and then I mentioned it to Kath and Eva-she’s our other friend. and, they thought it was weird that I heard your music every night in the exact order of your setlist, and they started planting ideas in my head that my soulmate was one of the guys in one direction.”

             “I was totally convinced you were a fan back then. you were listening to my music all the time.”

             “no,” you laughed. “that was Eva and Kath. they were obsessed. Kath had a cardboard cutout of Niall.”

Harry let out a loud laugh.

             “she gave me Niall-girl vibes.”

             “shut up,” you shoved him lightly. “don’t tell her I told you that.”

             “no promises.”

             “I swear. you can’t tell her that I told you that. she’ll skin us both alive.”

             “okay. okay. secret is safe will me. now tell me when you knew.”

             “okay, okay,” you said taking his hands back. “so after they were convinced that one of you was my soulmate, I looked you guys up. I went to youtube just as every new fan does, and I searched “one direction funny moments.” naturally, I found your video diaries-”

             “oh god,” he pulled his hand back to cover his eyes.

             “I watched all of them, and I started to fall in love you guys, but I wasn’t going to tell Kath or Eva that. I would have never heard the end of it. then, I came across your x-factor audition.”

you stopped talking to gauge his reaction. he peeked at you through his hand.

             “that was my favorite song when I was fifteen.”

             “I know. you listened to it a lot.” he removed his hand from his eyes.

             “I remember hearing that amateur sing it over and over again, right around the time you would have auditioned.”

             “amateur, excuse me, I am a professional,” he scoffed feigning offense.

             “you weren’t then, Mr. Harry Styles.”

             “so that’s when you knew? you’ve known since we were sixteen?”

             “well, not really. I had an inkling. it made sense for it to be you. the audition, then hearing the tour setlist every night, then later I heard you recording your albums. I had an idea. it wasn’t really solid until I actually went to your shows.”

             “god, my head hurt like hell the first time I played here.”

             “it was like a ringing echo crushing my skull.”

             “yeah.”

             “I have to admit, the last show I went to wasn’t that bad.”

             “hmmm?” he questioned peering over at you from where he had laid his head back.

             “Kath got us front row tickets to your Live on Tour show.”

             “ahhh, so that was you? I recognize you now. you were that pretty girl I gave that water bottle to. you were about to pass out.”

             “can you blame me? you had just announced to the whole arena that your soulmate was there, and I was standing right there, knowing that you were probably my soulmate.”

             “I tried to get you after the show.”

             “what?”

             “I sent security after you when the show was over, but they couldn’t find you. you left so quickly.”

             “that sucks.” you curled yourself into his chest.

he laughed running a hand through your hair.

             “that sucks? that’s all you have to say?”

             “mhmm,” you murmur nodding your head gaining another laugh from your soulmate.

             “wow.”

             “so now that I answered your question, you have to answer one for me.”

             “shoot.”

             “falling.”

             “oh.”

             “that’s my dad’s piano melody. you put it in your song.”

             “to be fair, it was a piece of you, and I was sad.”

             “so the song is about me?”

             “yeah, I wasn’t in a good place, and I wanted to find you. I messed up, and I didn’t know if you would love the version of myself that I was becoming. or, if I would love that person. it’s a conversation I imagined us having.”

you got up to look into his eyes while he was trying to look anywhere else.

             “and now? do you love the person you are now?”

             “I don’t know. I think I do, but I have my days.”

you ran a hand through his hair, and his eyes finally met yours.

             “I’m proud of you,” you said with love swelling in your chest.

you really wanted to admit that you loved him, but you didn’t want to be the first person to drop that bomb so instead you told him that you were proud of him. you were. you were so immensely proud of him and everything that he has accomplished. you were proud of how he managed to carry himself and to be mindful of his mental health. he had been through a lot, and he was still here, grounded, sitting on your couch petting your dog.

             “I’m proud of the person you have become,” you reiterated.

you stared into each other’s eyes for a bit. he played with the ends of your hair.

             “I don’t want to freak you out. I know we’ve only really known each other for a short while, and perhaps this is just my sleep deprivation getting to me, but I want to tell you that I love you.”

you laugh planting your face into his chest. your fists clutch the front of his sweatshirt as you practically lay yourself on him.

             “I’m completely serious.”

             “I know,” you said pulling away to looking straight in the face. “and I want to tell you that I love you too.”

             “good, good,” he said pulling you back to his chest. “glad we’re on the same page.”

             “yeah,” you hum. “it’s definitely due to sleep deprivation though. we might regret it in the morning.”

             “we might. promise you won’t regret it in the morning.”

             “I pinky promise.” you threw your pinky finger up to him.

             “pinky promise.” he entwined your pinky fingers together to lock in the promise.

you sleepily closed your eyes. you wrapped your arms around his chest. your head was laying in the nook of his neck.

             “are you falling asleep on me?”

             “figuratively and literally,” you murmur with your eyes closed.

             “please tell me you don’t have to work tomorrow.”

             “I do. I have to go in at eight.”

             “nooooo,” he whined wrapping his arms around you.

             “you and Marley can hang out and eat my food all day tomorrow. just save me something good.”

             “okay,” he murmured into your hair before kissing your head.

             “can we sleep here, or is it going to hurt your back?”

             “I’ll be okay for one night. go to sleep. I’ll set an alarm for you.”

             “okay, I need to be up by six.”

             “I got ya.”

             “thank you. goodnight. I love you.”

             “goodnight, love. I love you.”

you fell asleep in the glow of your christmas tree with Harry gently pulling a blanket over the two of you.

--

you made your way up the frosty front walk to the steps of your front porch. your briefcase loosely hung from your shoulder as you jostled through your coat pocket to find your house keys. after finally retrieving your keys, you unlocked your front door only to be greeted by Marley.

             “hi baby,” you greet reaching down to pet your puppy. “where’s Haz?”

             “hi,” he said pulling your attention from your dog.

Harry stood in the entrance way of your kitchen drying his hands with a dish towel. you practically swooned at how hot he looked. Harry had the sleeves of his sweater rolled up to his elbows. his hair was gently pushed back, probably from the amount of times he ran his hand through his hair.

             “hi,” you smile back at him before going to hang your bags up on the coat hooks by your door.

             “how was work?” he asked helping you take off your coat.

             “it was good. I started in on analyzing a new set of scans. it was interesting but busy,” you said grabbing your phone from your purse before turning around to face him. “what have you been up to all day?”

             “Ahh, the dog and I went for a run.”

             “you did?” you laugh looking up into his eyes.

             “yeah, ya didn’t tell me that she tries to eat the leash when ya go faster than a light jog.”

you laugh at him resting your forehead against his chest.

             “she does. I’m sorry. we’ll have to work on that.”

he wrapped his arms around you as you rest your chin on his chest to look up at him.

             “after our run fiasco-”

             “wait, aren’t the sidewalks partly frozen still?”

             “I was getting there if ye give me a chance.”

             “oh haz.”

             “so after I started takin’ her back to the house with a light jog, I bit it on an ice patch and fell into a pile of street slush-”

             “noooo, are you okay?” you asked trying to stifle your laugh.

             “you can laugh. I’m fine. my ego is a bit bruised though. so after that, I did laundry. then, I decided to make dinner for us so I went to the store.”

             “you made dinner?”

             “yeah, just a simple spaghetti. I hope that’s okay? I probably should have asked if you had any dietary preferences or issues.”

             “Harry, it’s fine. I like spaghetti.”

             “good, good. we should probably go eat then. hopefully, Marley didn’t help herself already.”

             “no, she’s right here,” you nod your head into her direction.

Harry turned his head to her.

             “oh hello,” he said to her before turning back to you. “come on, let’s eat.”

he led you back to your kitchen to your small breakfast table that he had decorated with candles and a pretty tablecloth.

             “you really pulled out all the stops.”

             “I had to impress a pretty lady,” he said pulling your chair out for you.

             “wine?”

             “yes, please.”

--

two plates and a bottle of wine later, you were both curled up on the couch together once more. you had worked together on the dishes, and whatever was left of your dinner was boxed up and placed in the fridge for leftovers.

             “do we tell people?” you murmur to him with your head resting on his shoulder.

             “people?” he asked moving his head to look at you.

             “yeah, like our families and friends.”

             “ah people. we should probably tell them.”

             “unless you want it to be just us for a while. until we really get to know each other.”

             “I don’t think it would hurt to just mention it to our inner circles.”

             “that sounds good,” you nod against his chest.

             “who’s in y’er inner circle?”

             “my parents and brother, probably. then, maybe my cousin-we’re pretty close-and maybe Kath and Eva.”

             “sounds like a solid inner circle.”

             “who’s in your inner circle?”

             “my mom, sister, and sometimes, dad. then, probably Mitch and Sarah. for work purposes, I would probably have to tell Jeff, but we can stall on that until I have to get back to work.”

             “ugh, please don’t go back to work,” you whine wrapping your arms around him. “I’m kidding. you can always go back to work. I’m just gonna miss you. I would sew myself to your skin if I could.”

             “creepy.”

you laughed. you had to admit you were a bit tipsy.

             “I work in criminology. you’re gonna get some gallows humor from me.”

             “I’ll take it. and, I don’t want to get back to work yet. I want to stay here as long as possible,” he said into your hair. “just you, me, and the dog.”

you giggle. yes, you’re giggling now.

             “yes, you, me, and our Moogie,” you repeat. “isn’t that right, Moogie?” you asked Marley as she watched the two of you from her spot on the couch on the other side of Harry.

she let out a soft sigh. she was getting tired of being the third wheel. you both chuckle at her before Harry got back to the conversation at hand.

             “should we text our families?”

             “you want to tell our families over text?” you ask him wide eyed.

he shrugged.

             “how would you do?”

             “a sober phone call tomorrow morning.”

             “oof, I guess that’s slightly better. would you chicken out if you were sober?”

             “maybe,” you shrug. “do you really want to do it now?”

he shrugged once more. he was a man of very few words when it came to big decisions. that’s what you were at least finding out now.

             “okay,” you respond whipping out your phone before downing the rest of your wine glass. you pressed a few buttons before putting the phone up to your ear. “mom, hi, how are you?”

you pulled yourself off the couch and started pacing around the family room as you talked to your mom on the phone. Harry stared at you with wide eyes, watching you to see what you’re gonna say.

             “so mom, the reason I’m calling-is dad with you?,” you flash Harry a nervous grin before you continue. “put me on speaker. no, everything is fine, just put me on speaker. okay-mom are you listening?” you brush a hand through your hair. “you’re listening? okay. the reason I’m calling is because I found my soulmate.”

Harry watched your expression as you listened to their response.

             “it’s a guy, yes,” you laugh. “oh my god, would it have been so horrible if it wasn’t. jesus, mom.”

Harry laughed at you before reaching his arms out to you. you took that as an invitation to sit in his lap.

             “he’s very nice…he’s staying at my place right now…WE JUST MET…yes, he is very respectful, and he’s been super good to me.”

you could feel Harry’s laugh against your back. you lean your head back to stick your tongue out at him.

             “you guys can’t meet him yet,” you say jumping out of his arms to start pacing again. “because I want to spend more time getting to know him before he has to get back to work. no mom, he’s not from (your hometown).” you meet Harry’s eyes, and he gives you a perplexed look. “he’s from out of state.” you shrug at him. “yeah, that’s probably why everything was so quiet.” you listened to her ramble before you figured this conversation needed to be over. “listen mom, I will call you later this week to tell you more about everything, but I’m tired and I have a busy day tomorrow…okay, I will talk to you later…thanks, I’m excited too…yes, I will tell you all about him later…okay, love you. bye.”

you hung up your phone before collapsing back into Harry.

             “I did my part. your turn” you pat his chest.

             “it’s 4 am in England right now. I’ll call in the morning,” he murmured into your hair while he wrapped his arms around you.

             “good,” you say burying your face into his sweater. “I want you to myself tonight.”

you could feel him laugh through his chest.

             “what did y’er mum say?”

             “she wants to meet you. they’re happy for us though. they were starting to think there was no hope for me.”

             “that’s good. I think my mum and sister will be happy too.”

             “I hope so,” you say looking into his eyes. “I hope they like me.”

             “they will. they’ll love you. I just hope your family likes me.”

             “oh, they love you,” you laugh running a hand through his hair. “they love The Harry Styles, from my many years of being a fan of one direction, they have to love you at this point. but, they’re gonna love just Harry too.”

             “oooo, risky question. who’s girl were yeh? were yeh a Liam-girl or a Niall-girl?” he smiled as you laughed at his question.

             “I’ve always been a Harry-girl.”

             “ye’r just saying that,” he said throwing his head back. “that’s such a cop out.”

             “I’m not,” you said sitting up. “it’s always been you.”

             “are you okay that I’m just Harry?” he blurts out biting his lip. you could tell that he had been thinking about this for a while. “you’re not in this just because I’m The Harry Styles.”

             “I love just Harry,” you say placing your hand on his cheek. “don’t get me wrong, The Harry Styles is pretty cool, but I would still love just Harry if he was still the boy in the bakery.”

             “I want to kiss ya right now.”

you stared into his eyes as he held your gaze. his eyes were filled with such admiration and love.

             “okay.”

with that, he placed a hand behind your ear and pulled you to him. he placed his lip against yours and kissed you. you placed your other hand on his cheek as you kissed him back. he kissed you again deeper as you moved to straddle him. he moved both of his hands to your hips as he pulled you closer.

you pull away to take a breath, resting your forehead against his.  

             “I love you.”

he reached up to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear.

             “I love ya so damn much.”

you pressed your lips against his once more. you kissed him until you were breathless. he wrapped his hand in your hair while the other was around your waist. you continued to make out until you felt a cold, wet nose against your cheek.

you jumped pulling away from Harry to start at the culprit. Marley stared at you before letting out a small deep bark.

you start to laugh before collapsing into Harry’s shoulder. he wrapped his arms around you as he began to laugh with you. Marley let out another loud bark at the two of you. you began to pry yourself out of Harry’s arms.

             “she has to go out,” you tell him as you get off his lap. “let’s go Marley.” you pat your leg for her to follow you. in response, she jumped off the couch and followed you to your back door.

you stood at the back door as your watched Marley roam around your fenced-in yard for a minute. she seemed okay as she explored.

you made your way back to your living room before collapsing into Harry’s lap once again.

             “where were we?”

--

you woke up the next morning in your bed with Marley at your feet. with bleary eyes, you slapped your hand against the spot next to you to find it empty. you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes as you sat up. you listened for the shower, but you only heard a muffled voice coming from your living room.

you pulled the covers from your body before putting on Harry’s sweater from the night before. your bare feet padded through your hallway before you made it to your living room with Marley following behind you.

you found Harry shirtless on your couch with his phone pressed to his ear. you plopped yourself down next to him as he sent you a smile.

             “yeah, mum, she’s great, and I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

you smiled as you placed your head on his shoulder.

             “she’s awake now so I’m gonna call ya later, okay?” he murmured into the phone. “bye mum, love ya.” you waited a few moments as he hung up the phone.

once he was done, he wrapped an arm around you pulling you close.

             “how did ya sleep?” he asked before kissing your head.

             “good,” you murmur into his chest. “what did your mom say?”

             “she was happy. I called Gem before her, and they are both really excited. they were both skeptical at first, just wanting to make sure, that it was right. that I wasn’t being an idiot. once I explained the whole thing, they were really happy for us. they really want to meet you.”

             “yay,” you say turning to wrap your arms around his shoulders.

             “I see a trip to London for us in the future.”

             “yay for us.” you look up at his eyes from where you had your head buried into his shoulder.

             “do you want to tell Kath and Eva?” he asks meeting your eyes.

             “yeah, we can text them.”

             “oh, so you just want to text them? no phone calls?”

             “saves us from the screaming,” you say pointing at him.

he laughed pulling you closer.

             “true, true.”

             “let’s just send them a selfie. I trust them.”

             “you sure?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

             “absolutely. we can tell them to keep it quiet for a bit. that we want privacy and stuff. they’ll get it.”

             “okay, let’s do it.”

with that, you got up from his lap and padded back to your bedroom. you snagged your phone from its charger before making your way back to the couch. you slide back into your spot next to him. you held you phone up to take the picture, but he had other ideas. he pushed you back on the couch. you fell on your back laughing as he laid his head on your chest. you fixed your phone.

             “smile,” you laugh as you clicked the button to take the picture.

             “send it,” he murmured looking up at you. he wrapped his arms around you as you moved to type your message to the group chat with your friends.

you: keep it quiet, but I have acquired a soulmate.

             “I sent it,” you say putting your phone down to look at him. “do we want to make breakfast?”

             “yes,” he says getting off you to place a kiss on your forehead. he grabbed your hand to pull you up with him. “let’s eat.”

as you both made your way to the kitchen, Harry let Marley out the back door before placing himself at the counter.

             “y’er phone is blowing up.” he slid your phone across the counter to you.

             “oh boy,” you say opening your messages from Kath and Eva.

Kath: HOLY FUCK IT HAPPENED

Kath: tell Harry hi for me

Kath: I’m so happy for you both

Eva: OH MY GOD

Eva: is that Harry Styles?

Eva: OH MY GOD WE WERE RIGHT

Eva: YOUR SOULMATE WAS IN ONE DIRECTION

Eva: QUEEN I CALLED IT

Eva: I am also very happy for you both. Call us later with details.

you laughed before showing Harry the messages. he smiled as you typed back a ‘thank you.’

             “breakfast?”

             “breakfast.”

you and Harry made small talk as you made breakfast together. you were just happy that your small world was getting a bit bigger. you loved your little life with Harry in your small home, and you couldn’t wait for this to be the rest of your life, even if he had to get back to work eventually.

.

.

.

hi! i’m sorry this took me so long to write. this is the end of the official series, but if you want me to write one shots based on soulmate!harry let me know! i’m on my winter break for a while so i should have more time to write. anyway, i hope you enjoyed. feel free to send requests - mosh 

taglist:

@winchesterwife27​

@awesomebooklover17​

@2410slb​

@inmygardensuit​

@thefangirlsblog​

@swtxel​

i hope i got everyone’s tags! 

[nekomas-kuroo]

Hey my love!! It’s my birthday and I have to spend it alone this year so I’m not having the best of days (it’s unfortunate enough to be my birthday right in the middle of a bad mental health period too yayyyyyy) so I was wondering if you had any headcannons on how kageyama, suga, lev and tsukki would celebrate their S/o’s birthday, if that’s okay? ❤️ Sorry if that’s too many, feel free to ignore this request love!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NONNIE!!! you’re not spending it alone you have me!! and 4 sweet haikyuu boys! my birthday’s next month so i know that winter birthdays can be rough to plan stuff cause school’s a pain and midterms

masterlist

kageyama tobio

kageyama doesn’t have ANYTHING planned he had been meaning to but when the day of your birthday arrived and he still hadn’t thought of anything he was like okay let’s just wing it

he tried to plan, he really did, he just felt nothing he thought of was good enough

so it’s the day of, of course he brings you your favorite snack when he first sees you at school, gives you the sweetest kiss ever, offers to carry your stuff for you, everything

somehow, no one knows how, he got out of volleyball practice and instead of him trying to figure out what you want, he lets you choose!

he’s yours for the entire rest of the day, whether you wanna go out to eat or go to an arcade, he’s down for whatever

at the end of the night tho, he takes you to the gym and surprise! all of your friends and the entire karasuno volleyball team is there! they have your favorite type of dessert just for you, balloons, and presents!

“sorry i couldn’t really come up with anything for your birthday y/n. you only deserve the best, and nothing i thought of was good enough and--”

you cut him off with a sweet birthday kiss, cause in the end all you really need is him

sugawara koushi

boy has a whole surprise party planned for you!

if you don’t like the whole jumping out thing, it’s just a party you didn’t know about!

like he was really sweet at school, and got the entire team to sing happy birthday to you, but that weekend was when the real fun would happen

you knew he was up to something when he said to clear your entire saturday, but you just kinda went with it cause you trust him

he got ALL of your friends, close family, the entire team, literally EVERYONE to show up for this!

you just kinda stand there in shock at how elaborate the whole set up for this must have been, and he just gives you the widest grin

there’s banners strung up everywhere, there’s tables full of food and desserts, games for everyone to play, like boy could legit be a party planner

after everything winds down and people start to head home, you just rest your head on sugawara’s chest as he holds you close, and all he says is, “i know this whole thing was so elaborate and fun, but honestly? you’re the real gift here”

lev haiba

he keeps things extremely simple. flowers when you show up to school, your favorite snacks, just being extra caring the whole day

after school, he takes you out to have a nice picnic! he’s got all the food ready, and while he tried to make some of it, he definitely just ordered your favorite food

by some miracle, the weather is great, the spot he picked for the picnic is scenic and gorgeous, and the whole thing is just great

he hands you a small box with a cute red bow on it, and boy definitely cannot stop blushing

it’s a bracelet with a little heart charm on it!! he lets you know his sister helped him pick it out, and hopes you really like it

after y’all eat, you kinda just lay back and stare at the sky, your head on his chest, and just let the clouds float by as you feel completely at peace

tsukishima kei

you honestly thought he had no idea it was your birthday. he didn’t really do anything different, he was just the same tsukki as always

that is, until after school, when instead of going to practice he holds you hand and says “you didn’t think i forgot, did you? tsk, y/n, you know me better than that”

hand in hand, you guys walk to your favorite restaurant!

while you’re at the restaurant, he pulls out a bunch of birthday cards, all from the volleyball team

tsukki knows you’re friends with them, and literally told them all to get you birthday cards or he would fight them

there are even cards from bokuto, akaashi, and kuroo! cause those boys are happy that their tsukki has someone to make him happy

finally, tsukishima pulls out some pieces of paper, and each is a little pda coupon for when y’all are in public

like one hug in public, one kiss in public, that kind of stuff!

yamaguchi gave him the idea and totally feels like a genius

he’s genuinely smiling and even blushing will totally deny it though because you’re happy and that’s all that matters to him

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21