#i know i can be better and do better but theres a certain transgression i need to get through right now

[lordpopuko]

i keep trying to convince myself that its okay im down for the time being - that i cant force myself out of this and that i just have to get through it alive. and it is okay. forced happiness is worse than letting you feel what you need to. as long as i dont give up and know this is a temporary rest, ill be fine.

i dont wanna beat myself up over this and sometimes being awake and simply getting out of my bed once, is enough. its not gonna stay this way forever, i cant force it to go away and i cant be strong every second of my life. theres nothing wrong with giving up/taking a break, as long as you acknowledge that you have to get up again when youve rested. im not trying to romanticize the situation. i dont think its alright to actively let it ruin you and decide not to do anything, but sometimes its out of your hands and you have to let the feelings through - just because i cant do all of my recovery and self-care steps these days, does not mean i cant ever do it again.

recovery is a fight. a goddamn tough fight that keeps exhausting me and its not just flowers and sun - sometimes its letting myself feel what i feel, sometimes its biting a sour apple and sometimes its letting myself rest. i cant fight everyday if i dont have energy - as long as i believe i can stand again, ill get through this. i know a lot of people think ive given up or dont want to fight my mental illness but i havent. ill come back from this with scars, probably but also stronger and better. letting myself feel my emotions - as depressive or negative as they may be - is better than forcing them away or running away from them.

[yeoldontknow]

Kissing Vermilion: Teaser

aslkdjal i am so much more late with this than i intended to be. getting the pace right on this is proving to be a challenge BUT! heres a small sample of what im trying to have completed by next weekend. this was meant to be up yesterday for joons BD but i was busy and couldnt write as much as i wanted to :((( you can all thank @jamaisjoons for the utter filth that this will become. happy birthday namjoon im sorry im late and will continue to be late *tosses confetti* (sorry theres no graphic im saving it for the full thing eep)

↠ Pairing: Namjoon x Reader ↠ Full Story Summary: It was never your intention to sleep with your brother’s best friend, but it happened. It was never your intention to fall in love with him, but it happened. It was never his intention to fall in love with you, either, but it’s happening. Against his better judgement, Namjoon just can’t seem to stay away from you. ↠ Genre: fwb!au; smut; angst; the full story is going to be the most filth ive ever written im so sorry ↠ Rating (teaser): R ↠ Warnings (teaser): nothing terribly smutty but she thinks about it...a lot...theres a lot of mature concepts here ↠ Tentative post date: 9/19

March, 2013

You really must remember to thank your roommate.

As the condensation rolls down the chilled glass of your vodka lemonade, the eyes of the man beside you do their best to stay focused on the lush crimson of your lipstick. Every now and then, at the end of a sentence or at the end of a joke that does not necessarily land, his brows narrow, ensuring his gaze does not fall, lower and lower still, to the provocative shape of the red dress that hugs your body. For the moment, he is nameless, an unintroduced stranger whose eye you caught just by standing next him and ordering a drink. You have not let him go, even as your mind wanders. Or, rather, it's the red that refuses to let him go, red and the way the shade kisses you with reverence.

All your life red has been your dearest companion, your first of many experiences and your best of even more. Red was your first lipstick, a scarlet transgression against your mother at twelve years old. It was sacred only because it was forbidden, the cream from the bullet now a fleeting memory of cracked concrete behind your middle school and the wide eyes of boys passing by, likely wondering if they should tell your brother. Red was your first Solo cup, and the first you’d crushed beneath your spine as you lost your virginity sophomore year. 

Red was not your first hickey, and also not your first scarf to cover the evidence, but it was your best one, your most favourite one. It was small, and it burned against your skin for days, the same way your nails ripped scarlet down your boyfriend’s back, the scratches stinging beneath all his shirts. He’d said he loved you, and you believed him, giving him red as a promise of your loyalty. Red was the wine you poured in his bed and the flush against your chest when you found him with another woman, her legs too slow in the effort of unwinding from his hips. Red was his lies, your slap against his cheek, and the paint of Yoongi's car, which you'd borrowed to not lose your campus parking spot.

Red has always been yours, oftentimes the only thing you trust, the only thing that has never let you down. Now, it sits on your skin like you belong to it. You chose the dress for the shade, your roommate made you buy it because of the shape. You don't usually toy with such a deep cut against your back, a low swoop as alluring as the moon and turning the line of your spine into a promise of treasure or victory. But this red turns you into something special, something dangerous.

And now, with his eyes on you, you really must remember to thank her.

The man beside you flashes you a smile he thinks he is dazzling, rolling the base of his whiskey neat in slow circles against the bar top. He waits for you to flush, anticipating a rush of blood to your cheeks or your lips, but you merely offer him a thin lipped smile, remembering to be polite. His eyes dart from your face to the seductive contour of your hips, and back again, and he tries to be respectful, tries to play it off like he's positively twitterpatted, but you can tell. You can always tell.

As his eyes flick away once more, admiring the supple skin of your shoulder, you wonder if you would be interested. Your mind starts to wander for a moment, and you envision yourself leaning close and letting him have his fill. It would be so terribly easy, and you'd let him feel like he'd won even if you had no intention of it going any further than this. If it was just you and just him, you'd be good. At the end of all his jokes, you would laugh and peer at him through the thick curtain of your lashes. At all the right places, you'd rest your hand on his arm and make him believe he mattered. For one night, you would be so good.

But his eyes are on you, the searing heat of Namjoon's intense and focused stare kisses at the small of your back from across the room. He sits at a table with your large group of friends, expression entirely neutral except for the power that lurks ominously in his jaw and dark irises. His gaze has walked from the small of your back to settle at the warm highlight of your cheekbone, and, now, you are aching. Feeling him all over you is just the same as feeling his hands at your throat, your heartbeat rattling in your chest as though lingering on a knife's edge. There's something different about it tonight, about him. There's something different about the way you feel under his unwavering attention, and somewhere amidst the laughing and the talking and the indiscernible number of drinks you have convinced this stranger to buy you, you have started to learn you want Namjoon to stay.

Tonight, you are learning that his attention makes a kingdom bloom beneath your skin, amongst your blood, and you are asking, silently willing, him to claim it.

You should not want him here. You should not want him nestling into crevices long untouched, and long unnoticed. Namjoon unfurls in the spaces between your bones and your joints, curling into the gaps between your ribs, and you wonder if he can feel it. Have you done the same to him, just by standing, and talking, and quietly wanting? If you're being honest, you've always wanted him, at least a little. If you're honest, you can distantly remember the time your brother brought him over their final year of high school and he had grown into the baby fat of his cheeks, his white shirt somehow battling the muscles of his chest for dominance, and his smile, and the dimples he so often kept a secret, felt sweeter to you than honey.

If you're honest, it was your family, the proximity of your relationship to him that decided he was not for you. There’s something forbidden about craving a person you’ve known all your life, someone your brother has spent his whole life calling his best friend. It was your family, and it was Yoongi, who made you turn away from your infatuation. You were eighteen when you finally swallowed your crush on Namjoon whole, convinced you had rid yourself of it while taking the appropriate lesson you were meant to learn: you no longer wanted a boy, you deserved a man, your hunger to be touched deserving of confident, unyielding hands. 

So you set your attention on other guys learning how to grow into their adulthood - even if they had never mastered the strength or dominance of it, even if they never tasted quite right against your tongue. It’s been a long time since you have wanted him to look at you like this, even longer since someone has done so without demanding you witness them, without expecting you to bend for them.

Namjoon looks at you like you matter, like you're something worth keeping. He watches you intently, refusing to look away until you are certain he could devour the very flesh of you, and still find away to take more, still find ways to keep all your lonely parts begging for him. He looks at you like he needs you, simultaneously uncovering the terrifying truth that you have always needed him, and as the man beside you slides his phone number over to you on a napkin, a number you know you will lose or forget as soon as it is out of your line of sight, you are certain you are toeing a line that, once crossed, offers no point of return.

'You should come see it.’ Abruptly, your thoughts are broken by the gruff voice of your conversation partner. Raising his voice slightly, he regards you knowingly, silently insisting your attention return to him. 'I think you'd like it.'

Ever since he started speaking to you the conversation has been mundane, likely because every topic of discussion has somehow revolved around or worked its way back to him. There’s an edge of pride in his voice, the sort that expects respect alongside awe for his, ultimately banal, accomplishments. Offering him a small, lopsided smile, you tilt your head to the side and feign interest, exposing more of your smooth skin. 

'Oh?' you hum, amused that even something as simple and unaffected as this noise of inquiry will provide him a sense of self-security. 

'Yeah, I can show you around.’ He takes a long, slow sip of his whiskey, as if his statement is a promise of something meaningful. ‘You can bring some friends, too, if you want. I admit, the frat is a mess but it's still a good time.'

You’ve forgotten which university he goes to, where he’s from, his name. Idly, you wonder if he’s a member of Namjoon’s friend group, though you doubt it. Over time, your college friends have merged together, Sunhee’s interest in Jackson bringing them together since she met him at the gym. You’re meant to be celebrating her birthday at the table, beside your friends and beside Namjoon. Removing yourself from his orbit has proven to be a test, but, at this angle, Namjoon sees all of you, keeps you rooted to this position at the bar just so he can have his fill, and this, you think, is hardly a sacrifice.

Having nothing to say, you simply nod, offering yet another generic question that will keep him talking and keep Namjoon watching you. 'All frat houses are a mess,' you shrug amiably. 'Do you like the campus?'

Immediately, he begins nodding, lips flattening into a sly grin. 'Yeah, it's a nice place. A little cloistered at times. If you stay too long you feel like you're in a bubble, you know? But I chose it because the law program...'

Tuning his voice out, your focus returns to the raised hair and gooseflesh that dimples along your arms. It’s been months of this, of your friend groups coming together to play matchmaker in the effort of being supportive, and through all of this you have become acquainted with who Namjoon really is when he’s liberated from the influence of childhood. Without your hometown, Yoongi’s deep laugh, or the distant chatter of your parents in the other room, Namoon’s identity has stretched and morphed into something almost unrecognizable in its alluring temptation.

Yoongi makes him warm, soft, a voice of wisdom and reason that has, more often not, left you feeling comforted and protected. At home, he is clumsy, sheepishly so, endearing in the way he trips over his own feet or drops things even if he’s being careful. Namjoon laughs first, even if his laugh is not always the easiest. He is the most curious and, simultaneously, the most distant, miles away in his thoughts even as he considers every word you say. And even tonight, he still is this way, the rich texture of his voice ringing out above the din when he laughs, genuine and encouraging, doing his best to make sure everyone feels comfortable. 

But the more you’ve seen him with friends he’s made by choice and by interest, university friends who both challenge and offer a mode of relating to his own adulthood, the more you have watched him separate from the things that made him Joonie. He has become someone who carries eroticism in their bones, his smile no longer just a comfort, but one that is altogether too full of temptation even in its patient inertia. 

The confidence in him has your tongue feeling heavy in your mouth every time he's with you, your walls clenching around nothing every time he looks at one of your friends with more than a little interest. Joonie has abandoned the childhood endearment in favor of his whole name, Namjoon a word that gets pressed against his neck and shoulders like a brand. He’s become fluent in more than one language and also in the destructive language of ruin, a single look from him and you feel naked all the way down to your nerves.

Reclining in his seat, his hand moves languidly up and down the glass of his cold beer while he remains poised in his consideration of you, your round ass, and the way you lick your lips to keep them moist when you presume no one is watching. His broad shoulders are rolled back and even when you aren’t looking at him, even when he is not directly in your line of sight, you still toy with the idea of getting on your knees and begging him. For what, you are not certain, but you think it is likely the simple request to stay with him, wherever your feet, your finger, or your bones rest.

You’d like him to invade you like that. You’re certain he’d excel at such a carnal delight.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[baeddel]

In the 70s you had this tendency for white rock musicians to appropriate (I mean what wikipedia calls Appropriation_(Art), here) elements of soul music - the instrumentation, the singing style or maybe just the occasional vocalizations (oh baby~), the lyrical content, etc. - to add a kind of authenticity. Theres a kind of cliche by now that goes: “Putting the soul (back) in rock n’ roll.” A white rock musician has to kind of apologize for it, theres a feeling that its a little transgressive, a little too authentic than is normally premissible. Its only by ‘playing’ a black man that he’s allowed to express it.

But what is it an authentic expression of? I think its a little complicated. Soul and rock music both have more or less precisely the same subject matter - romantic feelings, sexual relations, socal injustice; rock maybe adds partying to the list, ridiculously, but its not too far away. They’re, basically, about the same things. But I think the expectations placed on a rock singer are a little different: theres a pressure to have a certain kind of masculinity. When I sing about how much I love a girl, I’m boasting a little bit! I’m bragging about how she’s ‘under my thumb’, how she’s mine and mine alone and how no one else better touch her (or I’ll beat em up!), and ofc, how attractive she is, and how being with her raises my social status. Even when this isn’t really explicit lyrically we have to go to some pains to establish that my romantic feelings are compatible with my undefeatable rockstar masculinity - like how she’s just like my awesome fast car, etc... The sexuality is, ofc, obviously an evil thing, in rock music; and the way social issues are addressed is always in the form of this rebellious you’re never gonna keep us down! kinda thing. Rock music has to be victorious, self-valorizing, with a certain kind of muscular, masculine expression...

By appropriating soul music, I can free myself from this social pressure and express something that I really want to say; I can be sensitive and talk about my girlfriend the way I really want to, how much I really do love her and what it means to me, and how sad I am when she leaves me. This kind of thing, right... I can expose my own vulnerability without making myself actually vulnerable, by doing it through black music. I can then kind of maintain this thing where I say, you know, I’m just honouring black music, I’m just referencing the iconic soul singers I grew up listening to, they sang like this... I can musicologize my vulnerability away by racializing it.

Why do I think this is interesting? It’s interesting because the authenticity being appropriated does not make the music itself inauthentic; its only actually by stepping into this totally fake, synthetic authenticity of ‘black music’ that I can actually be myself authentic. It’s not a trick - the expression is really an authentic one. So as a white rock singer, I have certain expressions that are prohibited for me because of social pressures, and I can circumnavigate them by creating this exteriority that I can explore without compromising myself, that others will accept as musically legitimate, and this lets me express myself authentically.

What else is interesting? Whats interesting to me here is that a black soul singer is not actually free of social pressures, he has as many or even more than the white rock singer, which his music is created in negotiation with. But the white rock singer who appropriates soul music doesn’t appropriate those pressures along with it - in a sense the white rock singer can actually sing about much more than the soul singer himself, precisely because he’s perceived to be immitatng the soul singer.

What else is interesting? The reason I’m thinking about this at all is because I have been listening to some of my favourite musicians, recently, who also appropriate soul music. They are: Biz Markie, who interrupts his rap songs with these amazing covers of soul choruses, which he sings in this really exaggerated way, really over the top, out of time, badly sung, yknow, and in the music videos, while wearing ridiculous outfits. Another: Ol Dirty Basatard, who constantly interrupts his flow and inserts sung sections of his lines, or sometimes something close to sprechgesang, which are quotations of old soul songs, or just in that style (as he says, “then I came in with that old Al Green shit” - he also talks abt it in an interview). Another: DJ Rashad, who constantly employs samples from soul songs in his juke & footwork tracks; not just drum samples or horn samples but choruses and verses, almost full songs, but arranged in a certain way.

What is the artistic impetus behind this later black appropriation of black music? I’m not sure - the engagement is much more complex, and much more interesting to me, but I don’t really have anything more to say about it. But I remember thinking a little while ago: what could be said of Beefheart’s Trout Mask Replica that could not be said of ODB’s Return to the 36 Chambers?

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn���t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[libidomechanica]

The circumstance flood

I travel. Paris white, and the  meant, your bourds and yet a thing, vertical  sublimer that you had a doves 

pinion, she the mark, the flood. some  here thermometers such did Juans selfishness.  My Muse some and with all ages, 

ere you in a claim kin; You dreamt,  clothing; a mere speculation make? Chair all  I swear! Thereto I strive. One half in 

small columns drowsy day my lips Loues paines come  our bloom of the fru itless it is sauce fortune be relation 

he was walking. A young  stranger than anything is mixed. She thou  think the fairest, fresh and fight that 

would be children being a greatly err)  were but the Baltics rigour. And  reddening next day, and doubly named— 

firmness; now ’“t is odd, but when  our annals, and turned into  thee, ill wish to watched through 

Prussia Proper, too dull and from peace had  to form deliverers,” and half tame;  if in flattering all-sufficient for 

me, I know that I do there she was  not matter, embarrassd in a  certain cure is ideal— lowerd, sad a 

little moment when transgression!  The accessary needs bear, heres in  anguish, what ensues from me true right, 

and dubious bone, hey ho the armed,  or speaks in the better Resolution— “ oh, should have him wrongfull prattle, though 

mochell worse that was long as  you and moved least, nor so they pleasd with  thy breathing white am within 

my skin, of the could not where  a week, before a mirror of  door untouches neer their sacrifice revive; 

inspired and made theres nought torch,  and mumbled into a  spirit reels at the steal,” and 

boats and honour; and followed to  rid him from the queen, but the  atrocious, where, hey ho the true 

natural atmospheres, save founder  sleepe, who in her forever and can  not to show my spring I didnt 

see you your skies change my new-fallen thunder  the small crowds of skin of ice  cream persuade me I am sure ye at 

last, not loue refineth, o birds, should perpetrate  may after sank to drinking debts,  white. Her her the chants of 

mountains the ray, to the  delicated muscle, humming further dreamt (for  foreigner 

is out, this is the world speak  well abroad, a tinkering with  them moue; if in the 

eagles with—Would turned on the  working detected. Of my  bed that did so upon the mother, 

father, warnd him summer of long to  early taught to maintaine, rather  came; the visibility poor, 

worthless was as if not, I  must deem themselves, supremely trouble  natural whirl, calling even in 

hands. Cure for the ball. Somebody  who should drear the desire;  and if all mine, farewell; and 

[a-wayofthinking]

Assalamu alaikum, how do we take care of our friendship? (Sisters in islam), like how often should we meet, what to do together from an islamic perspective?

wa'alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh! may Allah bless you and increase you in beneficial knowledge, and may He reward you with goodness for everything me or someone else learns by your question ukhtii ☀️

People are known by their companions, and the ones you keep company with will more or less change you; either for better or worse. so we should first try make sure we’re friends with muslims that are truly good and righteous; ie. those who are salafi and have good manners. this is especially important in order to protect our faith and character in shaa Allah. a sister like that will not lead you to wrong paths nor will she betray you; and if you do something that is harmful, she will correct you for Allah’s sake and vice versa. so we dont immediately cut a salafi off if he/she sins, rather we advice them and help them do right; we’re all humans and every single one of us has flaws - may Allah make us better. [link]“None of you [truly] believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” Saheeh al-Bukhaaree [13/1] this is one of my favourite hadiths ever, and something all of us should in shaa Allah remember when we’re interacting with our brothers and sisters. below is a part of a khutbah thats also really great and not long, i’d definitely recommend listening to it if you can. From Abu ‘Abdullaah Hasan as-Sumaalee’s khutba “We are Brothers!” on the Importance of brotherhood in Islam are as follows:  1- Loving one another for the sake of Allaah   2- Gentleness, and kindness, compassion and mercy   3- Not allowing shaytan to split the ranks [avoid differing]   4- Defending the honor of a Muslim   5- Advising   6- Exchange gifts   7- Making du'aa for your brother in his absence   [link 1] [link 2]

Theres plenty of things you can do together. you can just stay  in your or your friends home for example and talk about Islam or other things in life, or you can study something together, listen to a lecture, pray and other things that are halal. for example excercising is allowed, we just need to hide our awrah (from other sisters too, a lot of women i know tend to forget this sadly), so you could work out together. me and some other muslim women for example play basketball in a secluded place indoors, which has been great. so you can have fun, just make sure youre not transgressing and harming yourselves.

as to how often we should see our friends, i dont know if theres a certain limit here Islamically. I know of some hadiths from this topic, but i dont know if theres an explanation to them so im afraid to say anything. perhaps if someone else knows about this, they’ll clarify it for the both of us in shaa Allah. I’m sorry i cant help with this part of the question.

but alhamdulillaah, speaking to one another is easy nowadays via whatsapp or facetime etc., even if its just for a few minutes. all (or most) relationships  need some level of constantness and stability, so i dont think theres any harm in talking to your sister in Islam if it isnt excessive and interferes with your other obligations (and of course so long as theres nothing sinful like sending each other music etc). But like i said earlier, i cant give you a definitive answer here as i dont know. Dont hold grudges or get angry with them, and make excuses for your brothers and sisters. nourish your relationship with another muslim by being kind and gentle with her, thinking well of her and being a loyal and trustworthy friend who wants only good for others. dont envy one another, and dont help each other in sin. It is reported that Abī Qilābah (rahimahullāh) said:“If some information reaches you about your brother which you dislike, then search for an excuse for him. And if you do not find an excuse for him, then say: “Maybe he has an excuse which I have no knowledge of.”Rawdatul Uqalā page 184 [link]Be careful of gossip and of speaking without knowledge - whether these come from you or from your companion. if someone gossips, explain to them that its haram and ask them to stop. if they persist, dont stay with them while they slander others. help each other practice Islam correctly, as this will increase the love and harmony between you in shaa Allah. may Allah grant you the best companions who will be a comfort for you, amin. theres also a really good reply of shaykh albani in this link about loving someone for the sake of Allah. By Al-‘Asr (the time). Verily! Man is in loss; Except those who believe [in Islamic Monotheism] and do righteous good deeds and recommend one another to the truth [i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds which Allaah has ordained and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which Allah has forbidden], and recommend one another to patience [for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allaah’s Cause].[103:1]If anyone notices anything thats even remotely wrong, please correct me.

[paperbackwritersblog]

Modern movements

There is a cultural shift on a very grand scale in the west atm, none more so than in the USA, but this has as always sailed over to the UK, allbeit in a much smaller and less aggressive scale.

Its led me to ponder on the ideas that drive us , the ones that pick up momentum and large followings.

When I look back through history the vast majority of ideas came through the need to balance out society. Pushing through rights to the masses that before only applied to a select few. It seemed only natural that this would happen at some point in time, the only difference in the last few hundred years is that instead of the group being pushed down eventually rising up to overthrow those with the grip on power in the form of revolution and or civil war , we now have a democratic process and the worst case scenario is mostly protesting with the odd riot. The slaughter that used to be associated with wholesale change is seen now as brutal, thuggish and mindless.

The moment a group decides on this course of action they instantly loose support and the public no longer want to be associated with their movement! An active example of this is the BLM movement that has sweeped across the west in the last 3 months.

The movement had been simmering low key for a few years but had not really grabbed the attention of anyone that wasnt an activist. However, making the most of an opportunity and thanks to media behaving like a modern gerbles, they managed to muster lots of sympathy and support after the seemingly unjust death of a black man at the hands(or knee to be exact) of a white police officer.

When this first happened, the subsequent outrage caused the world to rise. This also intertwined with a global pandemic, peoples frustration and fears were given a focus. Yet after 3 months thankfully the bias narrative is coming apart due to technology and the ability to share information. I cant imagine what state we would be in right now if all narratives were controlled like it was back 80 years ago!

We are now seing the true nature of those screaming with outrage and their ideas as unpalletable, hardly anyone with any sense agrees with neither their demands nor how they think its ok to go about getting them.

In conversations I have had as well as my knowledge of past movements, it is the peaceful protests with reasonable request that have picked up steam amungst the masses. One can only wonder how bad things had gotten in history for the average person for them to rise and fight in the ways that they did! And also with chinese whispers , what did they think was actually going on in comparison to what was going on?! When I look at ghandis message and how he implemented his ideas as well as martin luther king, I see there was nothing unreasonable about what they were saying! Even with how bad things were for minority groups at the time. Neither of these men felt that in order for there to be balance that any one group should be destroyed, they just wanted the groups being pushed down to be up on the same footing as everyone else. Equal opportunity was the desire and I think even people in better positions agreed with this on the whole.

So what is it about todays movements that has changed? From my own perspective, it seems that society in the west has been picking up steam when it comes to moving in the right direction! Theres movements all across the western world that have accomplished their aims and things are better on average than they have ever been. Most of the unbalances are on a small scale now and if anything certain parts of our society arent functioning correctly through fear of hurting peoples feelings!

History shows there are always sections of society fuelled with rage, the younger people of society who are still trying to figure out how they fit with the landscape as well as those who have lived a life of luxury who are detactched from the realities of the average person , using popular movements they sympathise with in order to get out there and be heard, basically wanting to infuse meaning into their lives and so engage in things they dont fully understand nor support, we see this in the hypocrisy of people following the movement. Just recently watching lots of anti capitalism activists queing up at macdonalds, one of the biggest capitalist franchises in the world!!Racism is being called out when its not there, sexism and LGBT rights have gone off the deep end and it feels like the momentum of activism has ploughed forward with the same steam it had in the 70s through till the 80s without anything to really latch onto! And so they are projecting great outrage energy into the slightest transgression.

With all this going on I am wondering what great movements are left in the west that will grip society in the way antislavery, womens rights and gay rights movements have?! I guess it is hard for me to say, being a white male in the west gives me very little experience in comparison to people of colour or alternative sexual orientation. However I know I would be rejected by some members of family if I came out as gay, I cannot force people to change their feelings on the mater, the laws have already been adjusted and that hasnt changed peoples feelings!

The feelings people are screaming about right now arent things the average person can see or feel! When I grew up in the 80s, not only could I see and hear racism, I could genuinely feel it! It was woven into the fabric of our lives, it was shown on t.v , it was on and in our advertisements and was actively seen in peoples behavior, but that certainly isnt so in most of the west now. So when a minority of people scream racism over something small, the average person shrugs their shoulders or just ignores and moves on. It gathers no momentum and just falls flat on the streets.

What does seem to be happening atm is the platforms that shape and mould our perspective lense are screaming and shouting about a world that most of us cant see!! This is a genuine worry in that if you shout about anything long and hard enough it will become a truth.

One of the biggest monsters in the modern world for belief and putting that belief into action was adolf hitler was quoted “ if you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough , it will be believed”!!

And no matter what you may think of this man, it is undeniable that he was a master manipulator of people on a grand scale. He was able to convince very very ordinary people to do truly barbaric things with total conviction that what they were doing was right and just!

The plight of the average person in the west is nothing in comparison to the struggles of europe in the early part of the 20th century, yet with such enthusiasm the news narrative would have you think we are worse off. In my mind the biggest threat society faces right now, is the narratives we are being fed. Yet taking down an organisation is nothing like taking down a ruling tyrant hell bent on destruction! Like cutting the head of a snake and 2 replacing it, organisations gain power through ideas and the dismantling of ideas involves changing peoples hearts and minds, it is not something that can ever be achieved by bombs and bullets.

E.Plaistow

[allisonyasuko]

THE SHIT SHOW CALLED TELEPHONE - oh and we all have one, or two or more.

I just researched the music video titled “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio. Originally, I was searching for LYRICS, but then since my search lacked “lyrics” I in turn, got the results for the video’s general information, vague, specific, all meets order and chaos. So, one of the first links that were clickable, was the usual Wikipedia which is sometimes often very helpful indeed, but also cowritten and authored by all of you and i and me and us and they. 

I proceed and clicked the Wikipedia link. 

In the beginning I read more praise concerning the accomplishments related to awards, approval ratings, numbers, and even some feedback. 

However, I found this passage, which is pictured AND highlighted above, VERY uncomfortable and even a little disturbing because of the language used and even the inaccuracies. Who “disected” Coolio’s mind and did they READ his lyrics and LISTEN to the song? Do they know about HISTORY and what has happened to Black and African American people? do they know that some and most populations have been enslaved?

LIFE IS STRUGGLE. 

If youre in debt, it’s harder to get back on top, if it was or wasnt your fault, so who are you to judge or say what is. If you’re born into a system that may treat a women or a group like a beaten dog, and you’ve got a broken heart or a broken leg, might one who has been degraded feel entrapped by the exterior factors.... and why?.... because they can’t control those things? WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT IS OR WHAT ISNT, WHAT WILL BE, and WHAT WAS BECAUSE WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE, BUT ONLY OURSELVES. 

We only have our heart and our minds. Within ourselves.

Ourselves is who we are, and that’s who we ultimately have and that’s 

what COOLIO is SINGING about. 

  P.S. EVERYONE HAS A LESSON TO TEACH. MICHELLE PFEIFFER PALYS THE WHITE SCHOOL TEACHER IN THE FILM TITLED DANGEROUS MINDS. SHE LEARNS FROM AND BY THE KIDS, AND THEY DO AS WELL FROM HER. 

HOWEVER, IN COOLIO’s MUSIC VIDEO, THERE IS STILL THIS CONNECTION, BUT THE EMPHASIS THE POINT THE DOMINANT LEADING FACTOR is COOLIO’s ABILITY TO OFFER AND GIVE A LESSON FOR MICHELLE PFEIFFER’s CHARACTER TOO. HE IS IN A WAY, SCHOOLING HER SO SHE UNDERSTANDS IT’S REAL, despite PFEIFFERS character not being nearly or maybe ever as familiar as COOLIOS HARSH BUT HOPEFUL REALITY. 

The point is that both these two individual characters have something in common, theres a similarity that runs between them, and thats a common denominator. It may be pain from life or being put down, but theres the same vein that runs in and between both of them. Call it heart, Call it a mind hopefully right, call it a vein, call it blood, maybe soul. 

ALSO, LISTEN TO THE GOSPEL MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.  THE GOSPIL SPIN IS A LIGHTNING STAR, THAT’s DOMINANT, THATS UPLIFTING, THATS HOPEFUL.   which leads me to.........

............

Random author on Wikipedia’s 1st and foremost statement: 

Coolio begins by reflecting on his life in a Biblical fashion: that his partaking in hoodlum activities has drained him of hope, and his damaged relationship with his mother.

COUGH COUGH NO.

He’s making a reference perhaps to his beliefs too. his moral convictions. 

He’s not perfect, and no one really is. 

He’s praying and hoping for a better day. 

The bible isnt just a story, it’s also a metaphor. 

Gangsta’s paradise....... LIFE IS A JUNGLE, some have it easier, some have it harder, 

Coolio echoes, sings, and howls, “Tell me WHY are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me?”

This is a very Universal and micro  problem. 

He searching cuz what’s going on is not okay and dandy. He has to keep living to search, but staying alive, is damn hard enough, because theres a cage around, and there’s a brokenness inside the system. 

  Random author on Wikipedia: 

“the narrative turns at this point with Coolio threatening rival gangs with certain death in the event that they take verbal liberties or transgress into his territory.” 

WOW Did this person watch too much Herzog.... “certain death.”      ?????

“transgress into his territory?” is random author on wikipedia saying a human is an animal? and if there are territorial habits, i wonder why? what came before now?

Random author on Wikipedia: 

“subsequently educates the listener on the history behind his current position in society; explaining the way in which his upbringing has entrapped him by creating his lust for power, money and murder. “

ME/ ALLI: 

Is LUST REALLY THE CORRECT WORD in this case? 

Im pretty sure everyone needs money to survive and in some areas the income to the jobs arent as good or arent so common. 

AND WHO WOULD REALLY LUST FOR MURDER, IT’s DEFINITELY NOT GOING ON IN THIS SONG, and if there is a murder maniac person, they have something going on inside, it’s not LUST. 

Random author on Wikipedia:

“It is at this point that he acknowledges the uncertainty of his survival on the street. Coolio therefore begins to lament the cyclical nature of the violence in which he partakes, as well as elucidating the collective chaos created by individual greed, selfishness and a lack of education or role models.”

ME/ ALLI: 

not even going to waste my time on this wreck of a paragraph. If one will try to use big vocabulary words to prove a point or to heighten their stance comparatively, it’s useful and beneficial to use the voabulary in the correct context and order, or youre just a bastard.  

the individual greed: started way back before COOLIO not from Coolio and he def doesnt have “greed” in the song

Selfishness: he can be selfish because a) who are we to judge b) he only has himself right now c) being selfish doesnt always have to be bad

lack of education: He has a big eduacation, but maybe not the same one as you or her or he or them

Role models: where are the role models? Who are the rolde models? When are there or are these role models there? And why? and HOW? WHAT FOR? WHY?

How come?

Random author on Wikipedia writes/ states: 

“He ends his personal journey on a hopeless admission: that his situation and surroundings will never improve.”

ME/ ALLI: 

hopeless? Not sure how it’s hopeless when the gospel is running through the whole song. That’s a high. 

ME/ ALLI: 

IN CONCLUSION 

in the words of THE Random author on Wikipedia: THE RANDOM AUTHOR ON WIKIPEDIA ends his personal journey on a hopeless admission: that his situation and surroundings will never improve.

And perhaps Random author on Wikipedia  may be writing either with his own experiences, his own understanding, his prior stigmas of a Black and or African American Man, Person, or population, his HISTORY, his SYSTEM, his OWN COMPLEX that is infecting my own understanding of a truth, exaserbating an ongoing problem, adding negativity and fuel to a fire and spreading more hot dim heat to more minds, more eyes, more ideas, and just isnt really true.  

BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE?

I’ll KEEP ASKING MORE QUESTIONS. THANK YOU MAM. THANK YOU SIR. AND NO THANK YOU TOO. 

AND I’m NOT SORRY. THANK YOU TO THAT.