#i know hes blonde but he still deserves better than this. i know. its controversial Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[woolydemon]

the way I go into the klav tags and see a post with a screenshot of him like "ok yeah I'll read it" then I scroll down and immediately my lungs no longer function upon seeing a picture of tayl0r sw1ft + the text literally comparing him to her 💀

[wakaoujisenhime]

Hello!~ Can I ask for 200 event funny scenario about Rakuzan cute manager, who gets a lot of confession, so Rakuzan boys get jealous and want to protect her?

A/N: This turned out quite differently than I had originally planned it, but I hope you’ll like and enjoy it nonetheless! (∿°○°)∿ ♡  

Also, can someone explain to me why all the fluffy images of them are mostly without Mayuzumi?? This man deserves way more love (/ _ ; ) watch me edit him in there one day

Tags: Rakuzan x reader ✅ SFW ✅  fluff ✅

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

Love letters - Rakuzan x reader

A small light blue whistle dangled from your neck as you shouted out to the jogging members of the basketball club: “Come on, guys, just one more round!“

Since your first year in Rakuzan, you had joined the basketball club and had become their manager. In the beginning, you weren’t really noticed by the team, but that was not surprising because the captain was being trusted and listened to more than the actual coach.

Akashi’s judgment was truly impressing, and you couldn’t help but respect him as well...but there was no way in hell you’d just sit back as the rest and leave every responsibility resting on this young man’s shoulders.

Much to everybody’s surprise, you’d just butt into their conversations and share your view on the topic. That action alone left a lot of your classmates and upperclassmen flabbergasted, and just some days later, the school had labeled you fearless for daring to directly speak with these overly respected men.

Back then, you didn’t know about their reputation and titles at all, so you acted purely instinctual. If someone had told you beforehand who they were, though, you probably would’ve kept your mouth shut. But that lucky ‘mistake’ was the exact reason for your wholesome relationship with them now...

You see, all these boys ever wanted - outside of the basketball club - was to be accepted by someone the way they were. They were also ‘normal’ students like you and your classmates...the only exception was their immense talent and sincerity for the sport they loved, so why did they get treated like some kind of abnormalities?

Their peers’ rumors and reserved attitudes seemingly didn’t bother them that much, but you knew better and managed to see past their façades. You genuinely cared for them and everything that involved their person.

At first, it seemed really unnatural to them. The fact that someone as adorable as you was out there, willing to invest the majority of their time for them and their talent truly made them happy.

Slowly but surely, they began opening up to you. After just a few months, you became their most trusted person, whom they could always go to in order to discuss any- and everything, so the moment something or someone stood between you guys, they wouldn’t even bat a lash to show their true colors.

——

“Good morning, manager!!” a chirpy and a deep voice simultaneously called out to you.

“Kotaro and Nebuya! Good morning you two.”

You were about to open your shoe locker and continue your daily conversation with the club members. Still, when you unlocked that small door, something pushed it open and ended up startling anybody who was remotely close to you.

“Are these...”

“Love letters?”

With a small and slightly uncomfortable smile, you kneeled down and picked the few envelopes up from the floor, turning to the two young men behind you whose wide eyes were about to pop out from their sockets.

“Yeah...someone has been putting these in my locker every morning for the past few weeks,“ you explained and giggled silently at the cute little stickers your mysterious admirer had chosen this time. Upon seeing that angelic smile of yours, the two basketball players began panicking internally and started bombarding you with one question after the other.

When did you receive the very first letter? Is there some kind of signature for the sender? Have they been following you around? Are they bothering you?

Just as you were about to answer them, the school bell interrupted you, and as much as you wanted to continue your talk with them, your classes were more important at the moment. So the three of you rescheduled that talk for later, during club activities, and went off to your respective classrooms.

——

“Huuh?! A secret admirer?”

“Yes!! Can you believe it?”

As soon as the last bell for today rang, Nebuya and Kotaro had sprinted to the gym to inform the others about today’s discovery.

Finding out that someone as valuable as you were being admired by someone else was no surprise, of course, but it still hurt them, and it even awoke a feeling they had never experienced before...jealousy.

Mayuzumi watched them discuss this topic with such seriousness that he couldn’t help but laugh at them internally, and as their upperclassman, he felt the urge to tear them off a strip.

“I hope you guys are aware that (Y/N) has a life of her own and is allowed to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants; it’s none of our business now, is it?”

The others had turned towards him and were wide-eyed by the fact that he had even openly spoken up on a topic that concerned you. He’d usually either choose to remain silent or pretend like he wasn’t listening.

Akashi nodded with a small smile and took it upon himself to answer the grey-haired young man. “I am pretty sure they’re aware of that, but you have to be honest with yourself and admit that it’ll be a huge loss for all of us if she were to find a boyfriend right when our team’s at its prime time.”

The third-year squinted his eyes at his captain. “You do know that you’re overreacting, right? I mean...all you have are her words and some envelopes that fell from her locker.”

“But they were sealed with cute heart stickers, right Ko-chan?!”

Reo chirped in as his light-colored eyes darted over to the blond in question, whose answer consisted of some energetic nods. Mayuzumi was slowly losing his patience with them, and just as he was about to counter that statement, your cheerful voice echoed in the entire gym, greeting your fellow club members.

It should’ve surprised you to see them stand this close to each other, but you figured that they were probably discussing something basketball-related, so you kept your questions to yourself and began preparing for today’s training.

They used that short moment to arrange a short meeting after practice to plan their next steps.

——

“Ok, what’s our way of procedure, guys?” asked Kotaro in an unusual humorless tone. Nebuya, who was standing behind him, couldn’t help but laugh out loud at how serious his goofy friend was. The bigger man wrapped his muscular arm around the boy’s shoulder and told him to relax. Reo watched the two of them fool around with a bothered expression. At the same time, Akashi smiled to himself, bringing the cup of tea to his lips. Mayuzumi, on the other hand, watched that somewhat controversial scene unfold in front of him. It was beyond him how you believed the obvious lie they told you at the end of today’s training.

The five of you had made it a tradition to always go to either the station or the nearest bakery after practice, and even though the third year himself never really wanted to accompany you all, you always made sure to drag him along...even if it was against his will. So when you had asked them if they wanted to go to get something sweet today, they all refused for the most ridiculous reasons, and he was sure that you’ll see through these obvious lies. But when you just innocently smiled at them, he figured that you either turned a blind eye to it or you truly believed that Nebuya was on a “no-meat-diet” and that Kotaro was going to study and do his homework.

“I do not entirely agree with this since it seems to be a rather...drastic approach,” answered Akashi after the muscular man next to him asked what he thought of the plan. He just suggested, “what about you, Mayuzumi? What’s your take on this?”

Said boy sighed and replied tiredly that whatever conclusion they’d reach would be too overdramatic and drastic.

“You do know that if she decides to get to know her secret admirer better, she won’t be having that much time to read novels and recommend them to you, right?” asked Reo with a mischievous grin.

Silence...

The grey-haired young man leaned forward and looked at his teammates.

“Ok, what’s the plan?”

——

1st step: obtain a letter from her locker...

“Good morning (Y/N).“

“Akashi, good morning!“

You were just about to open the small door of your locker, change your shoes and see if you had received another love letter, but that’s when the captain of the basketball club had stopped you. Wondering if something was wrong, you asked him if you could help him in some way.

“Oh, nothing is wrong; I merely wanted to inform you that one of your teachers asked the basketball club to visit some of the classes and advertise the club since a lot of the first- and second-years appear to not have joined any after-school-activity. So I wanted to ask if you perhaps know someone that might be interested in joining a club.”

While the two of you continued that talk, you failed to see how Kotaro sneaked up behind you, looked in your locker, gave the red-haired young man an unobtrusive signal that there was no letter to be found, and vanished as quickly and quietly as he’d come.

...if the first step fails, we just need to keep a good eye on her surroundings and look for people interested in her...

“(Y/N), someone’s here to see you!” said one of your classmates as they pointed to your classroom’s door, where Reo was standing and nonchalantly leaning against its frame. You thanked them and hurried over to where one of your best friends was standing.

“Hey, sweetie, sorry for bothering you, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join me during the break.”

It has been quite a while since the two of you had spent a break together, so you had no reason to refuse and happily accepted his invitation.

With Reo, you could always talk about every kind of topic, whether it was about the last wrestling match you watched on TV or the cute keychain you saw hanging from your neighbor’s bag. The two of you would always get so invested in your dialogue that you completely missed how some of the students were glancing at you and how some even turned their heads when you passed them. On the other hand, your companion noticed every single one of them, and with his keen eye for outer appearance, he managed to memorize their most prominent features.

...next up, we’ll look for our suspects and interrogate them, but some of them won’t be very talkative, so I suggest we pull out the big guns right from the get-go...  

Thanks to the descriptions Reo forwarded to the others, they quickly formed an ‘intimidation squad,’ distributed the students equally amongst each other, and went ahead to do their job.

Nebuya, as the tallest and most muscular out of the rest, was assigned to the first-year students. It was an easy and quick job to intimidate them. All he had to do was stand at the door and ask whether the person that fitted Reo’s description is present and that he wanted to talk about their interest in the club’s manager. Of course, no one gave the student in question away out of fear and worry about what the basketball team's center might do to them, but the message was successfully forwarded.

Mayuzumi, as the main team’s third-year, had to take care of the second-years. Thanks to his low presence and high self-pride, he expected that he’d get treated with the necessary respect as these students' senior. That was the case for two or three with whom he talked to. He was quite eloquent, and thanks to his broad novel expertise, he knew how to skillfully ask them whether or not they harbored any strong feelings for you that might have resulted in daily love letters. Others, though, didn’t seem to care what he had to say to them and when you became their talk’s topic, they started mocking him and calling him your stalker...and that’s when he lost his patience. His presence might be low, but the moment he gets annoyed, he’ll make sure that everyone knows about it. Mayuzumi took hold of the boy’s collar and brought him close to his own face.

“I don’t mind you insulting me, but stay away from her...if you don’t...I'll make to follow every step of yours, and you’ll have to constantly be on the lookout for me. You know what’s going to be so fun about it?... You’ll never know whether or not I’m there, so you better speak up and leave her alone or else...”  

The person who took care of the third-years was no other than Akashi himself. For him, it didn’t matter which year he had to talk to; he was respected, feared, and known by the entire school anyway. Like Nebuya, all he had to do was go to the people in question and ask them what their business with you was, and luckily the majority of them broke the moment they saw his icy glare. Unfortunately, one thought that he shouldn’t care about who this rumored emperor was and act according to his status. A bad decision, really...he was lucky enough that all Akashi got his hands on was a broomstick and not something sharper like scissors or even a compass. Long story short, the third-year was successfully interrogated and intimidated, another job well done.

While they were running around and collecting information, Kotaro and Reo were given the task of distracting you and constantly standing by your side, hindering any other people from coming too close to you. But when someone played with the thought of wanting to talk to or even look at you, the blond would only glare at that student until they gave up. Those who had more courage and didn’t get that easily intimidated were chased away by Reo’s overly interested attitude. The moment someone came up to you and just interrupted your talk with them, the black-haired young boy would butt in and start showering them with compliments until they either were too creeped out or completely mesmerized.

...our mission will only then be considered a success when she stopped receiving those letters, understood?

A week and a half had passed since the execution of their plan, and one afternoon, Kotaro and Nebuya decided to ask you about those letters.

“Oh, those? I stopped receiving them some days ago..”

You weren’t as affected as they had expected you to be, but they were glad and happy nonetheless, knowing that their plan had worked. Now, you were theirs, and no one else’s, and anyone who wanted to take you away from them is hopefully prepared for the consequences...

[eberles]

All These Years

Rafe Cameron

(gif is by @rudypankows​ :)

A/N: this was not requested, I was listening to the song All These Years by Camila Cabello and got Rafe vibes. I know she’s controversial, I don’t like her either, but I hope you guys enjoy this! I haven’t written in a while soo yea enjoy!! ☺️ i don’t ever write in 1st pov so feedback is great! bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of drug use, ends with a cliffhanger???

your hairs grown a little longer, your arms look a little stronger, your eyes just as i remember, your smiles just a little softer

“Hey! Look who’s here! It’s Rafe Cameron!” No, no! There’s no way this is happening. Is it possible that the first party i’m attending since moving back home my ex just also happens to be here? Turning around slowly, feeling all the color drain from my face the second I spotted him. Of course, it’s possible, it’s happening. 

“Y/N, you good? We can leave?” my friend was speaking next to me, but I could barely understand what she was saying. The trance I was in too powerful to be able to hear or understand a thing. The only thing I could and wanted to focus on was Rafe. Rafe. My Ex. His hair is longer and no longer slicked back and it looks like he’s been working out more. He’s filling out his shirts more than before, the fabric of his t shirt tighter on his arms. His eyes just as bright and beautiful as before, even across the room I could see the strong color in them, making me want to stare into them all night.

i never prepared for a moment like that, suddenly it all came back, cause after all these years i still feel everything when you are near

It’s been almost 3 years since the break up and lucky for me, we broke up just before I had to go to the mainland for college. Even after 3 years, seeing him again brought back all the feelings I once had for this boy. All the laughs and heartache. The love and fights. I could feel all of it circling around me as I watched him make his way around the party.

“This was the last time, I promise!” Rafe cried out holding my hand, begging me to forgive him. I could barely look at him anymore, he didn’t look or sound the same as the Rafe I fell in love with.

“No Rafe! You say that every fucking time! I can’t do this shit anymore! You need to figure it the fuck out and I can’t wait around for you to get it together!” I could feel the heavy stream of tears running down my face as I yelled at him. I shook my hands out of his and started to storm out of his room. I could feel my chest tightening it was getting harder to breathe with the more distance I created between us.

“Y/N! Wait! Don’t give me up on me, please!” Rafe grabbed my shoulders spinning me around to look at him. His normally beautiful blue eyes were completely blood shot and dilated. I could smell the alcohol on his breathe and I felt like he was suffocating me. 

“You gave up on yourself, Rafe! I’ve accepted this version of you too many times and i’m done!” That was true, he knew it too. Every time he got high, every time he fucked something up, every time he owed Barry money, every time he beat someone up, I was the one there to pick up the mess. I simply can’t do it anymore. I deserve better and it hurt like a bitch to walk away.

Recalling the memory of our last fight, I could feel myself blinking back a few tears. The thing about my relationship with Rafe is that it wasn’t all bad and the good memories are much more prominent in my brain. Those good moments we had have made me want to run right back to Rafe many times in the last 3 years. It was easy to let it go and forget, when he wasn’t standing in front of me.

and it was just a quick “hello” and you had to go and you probably will never know you’re still the one i’m after all these years

Zoning out almost completely falling back into old habits, letting myself think of the good times with Rafe, I had almost missed him getting closer to me. I wasn’t trying to watch him make his rounds saying ‘hi’ to everyone at the party, but I couldn’t look away. Everything about him drew me in, and it’s easy to get sucked back into old ways.

“Hey y/n...” Rafe made his way over to me and to my surprise he actually said hello. 

“Hi, Rafe.” It was better to keep it short, frankly I didn’t need to know how he was because once I found out I would be getting invested into his complicated life all over again. He looked like he was about to say something else until Topper started yelling his name and running through the crowd to get to Rafe.

“Rafe, bro, your girls here! She’s looking everywhere for you!” Topper slurred his words, clearly intoxicated while he pat Rafe on the back and handed him a drink. I couldn’t stop the pang in my chest when I hear Topper say “your girl” knowing he wasn’t referring to me. 

“It was good to see you, y/n.” and before I could even respond he was off into the crowd of party goers once again. 

couldn’t help but overhear you, sounds like you’re happy with her, but does she kiss you like i kissed you? i wish i loved you like i miss you

Watching Rafe walk away from me and into the arms of another girl hurt way more than it should have after 3 years. He had a big smile on his face when he walked up to the blonde and grabbed her waist bringing her in close to him. She didn’t look nearly as happy as she should have, in fact, she looked annoyed by his presence. 

She pulled away from him and gave Rafe a quick kiss, making my stomach bubble up in jealousy as I watched the two. The kiss didn’t look very welcomed for someone who was ‘looking everywhere for him’ as Topper stated. I watched the two of them interact for a short while before getting irritated and making my way out of the party. 

I found myself on the front porch of the house, still able to hear the chaos that was happening inside, but at least their was fresh air out here. I was only a little tipsy, but I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering. Could it be the alcohol or are these genuine feelings? Do I miss Rafe? Do I love him still? 3 years is a long time, y/n. Does she kiss him as good as I did? Does he ever think about-

you’re still the one i’m after all these years, i never told you, i shouldve told you

“I thought i’d find you out here.” Rafe slowly closed the front door, forcing me to lose my train of thought. He walked over to the porch swing I was sitting on and sat down next to me with our thighs just barely touching.

“You were looking for me?” I felt amused.

“Yes.” Rafe smirked slightly, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I could feel the heat making its way through my body, I was comfortable, but definitely skeptical as to why he would want to find me.

“Well, Rafe Cameron, what can I do for you then?” I wanted to keep the conversation light, not looking to dwell on any past moments or bring up our history.

“I just wanted to say that um...” he chuckled lightly stopping his sentence and looking away from me. I kept my stare dead on his face entranced by what he could possible say next. I nodded my head at him urging him to keep speaking. “Um, she’s not you...by the way. No one ever will be.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[365days365movies]

January 19, 2021: Léon: The Professional (Epilogue)

Hey, look! An elephant in the room! We should address that, huh?

So, recently, actress and Léon star herself Natalie Portman was interviewed about acting in this movie, and she said that the movie itself was fine to act in. It was the response to that work from...y’know what, perverts - let’s not dance around that - that she wasn’t the biggest fan of. It changed the roles she was willing to accept, and her acting style in general. Which makes absolute sense for her to do.

But now, you may understand why this film is...awkward. Because let me clarify something: this is a good movie! But, especially with relatively recent revelations from Hollywood in the last few years, you know that some people enjoyed this movie in a WHOLLY UNACCEPTABLE fashion. Which is...well, again:

Because of that, this film was gotten a lot of negative attention, then and now. And, let’s also be fair here: I’m not a fan of the fact that Luc Besson put Natalie Portman in this...uncomfortable position in the first place. It’s a little squicky to be putting a 12 year-old in that context, is what I’m saying. Roger Ebert agrees, in the closing statement of his review on the movie:

But always at the back of my mind was the troubled thought that there was something wrong about placing a 12-year-old character in the middle of this action. In a more serious movie, or even in a human comedy like Cassavetes' "Gloria," the child might not have been out of place. But in what is essentially an exercise - a slick urban thriller - it seems to exploit the youth of the girl without really dealing with it.

.Yeah, I agree with that. But OK, if we take that uncomfortable aspect away from the movie (and it is possible to do so), then what did I think? Well, let’s get into that, shall we?

Recap

Cast and Acting

Strap in, this one’s gonna be long. Three parts, and a coda at the end.

OK, first I gotta talk about Léon, or rather Jean Reno as Léon. Here's the thing about these heroic bloodshed protagonists; they’re always these cold, reserved badasses with armored hearts that have been closed off by a personal tragedy, from when they were more innocent. But with Léon, we never see that tragedy; we have no idea what makes this man who or what he is. And yet, he still has dimension as a character, hidden depths within an unknown past, and also a surprising innocence injected into him. He genuinely enjoys going to see old movies, he’s teaching himself how to read, we only really see him drink milk, he cares deeply for his plant. And, before Mathilda, he’s lonely, and you actually feel for him? THis is, by the way, despite the fact that the first sequence of the film is him MURDERING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. And despite that, I really did feel for him in the end there. And while the directing and writing take a part of this, GODDAMN does Reno do an amazing job! He perfectly portrays the nuances of this character, but puts on an incredibly badass demeanor when he needs to. Reno deserves more credit as an actor in the USA, because he’s astonishingly great in his movie, seriously.

And then...then there’s Natalie Portman. See, back in the wild, wild west of the ‘90s, child actors were ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE. And the vast majority of them weren’t very good, let’s be honest. But in her turn as Mathilda, awkward preteen crush and all, Portman KNOCKS it out of the goddamn park with this portrayal. And by the way...THIS IS HER FIRST ACTING ROLE. Yeah. Holy shit. She’s brilliant, and I’m a little mad that she didn’t get an award nod AT ALL for this role. She’s fantastic, seriously, it’s insane. And yeah, her character and the dynamic with Léon definitely makes me uncomfortable...but maybe it’s because Mathilda is surprisingly believable, acting with a surprise innocence of her own. Seriously...amazing job to Nathalie Portman.

If Reno was understatedly nuanced and complex, and Portman was talented and emotional, Gary Oldman was BATSHIT INSANE. And holy shit, is he a wonderfully engaging and terrifying villain. This is Oldman dialed up to...eh, 8? You get him dialed up to 10, and I’m pretty sure you get Dracula. But he’s a HELL of a lot of fun here, honestly, if also extremely creepy and frightening. He steals every scene that he’s in, with his speeches, mannerisms, and affectations. He upstages, well...EEEEVERRRYYYYYOOOOOOONNNNNE!!!

And is everybody else in here good? Yeah, they are, but they’re completely drowned out by these three. The acting in this film is wonderful all around. 10/10. I mean that, 10/10.

Plot and Writing

If I had a single word about the writing, it’d be...French. There are some lines, ESPECIALLY Mathilda’s lines about love, that definitely sound more French than American. After all, this is a French film, and the writer is Luc Besson himself! And other than that...the writing’s fine. Plot’s fine, too, straightforward and all that. I really don’t have much to say about the plot, if I’m honest. And if I had one negative thing to say...yeah, the childhood crush thing is still super uncomfortable, honestly. Still, put in context, it’s a little bit better. And I should mention that, while it’s SUPER CONTROVERSIAL here in the good old US of A, this wasn’t nearly as big of a deal in France. And I should also mention...it’s mildly autobiographical. Yeaaaaaaaah, that blonde girl in the very beginning of the movie is actually Besson’s WIFE. You know...the 17-year-old, who’d known Besson since she was 12 and he was 29, and they started dating when she was 15, and the had a child a year later, before this movie was made. Y-yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

 7/10 here, nothing bad, nothing great. Basically average heroic bloodshed plotline, with some...other elements.

Directing and Action

Fun fact: Luc Besson’s reception in his home country is mixed, especially early in his career. This is because his directing style is focused far more on spectacle and bombast than it is on emotion. Definitely more American in style than French. And this movie definitely has some of that, although it’s definitely not as crazy as some of the other movies on this list. But some of the shots here are weird, some of them here are crazy cool, and most of them are just great. But this movie still focuses more on emotion and character buildup and revelations, than it does on action. Which is great, but this is Action January, so how was the action? This takes off of the gun-fu genre, with essentially all of it focused around gunplay. And the interesting thing is, while these aren’t the most bombastic action scenes, its the emotion around them that keep you on the edge of your seat and invested. So, weirdly, this might be the movie that’s integrated the action scenes with the movie’s overall emotional tone the most seamlessly. Well...of the English language movies, anyway. Overall, 8/10 here!

Production and Art Design

START SPREADING THE NEEEEEEEEEEWS, because it’s New York, New York! Most of this film was filmed on location, and it shows! As someone who grew up going to NYC on a regular basis, it definitely feels authentic to ‘90s New York. Which, of course, it is. Costume design, for Mathilda especially, is good, although one or two of her outfits feels a little over-complicated at times. Still, no complaints, really. I love Léon’s tiny glasses, and Stansfield’s suit (plain as it may be). Really, this movie is simply an authentic feeling New York, and there isn’t too much else to say about that. 8/10 again. 

Music and Editing

Music’s definitely good, including this song by Sting that we hear at the end. Editing is mostly OK, although there are some weird cuts here and there. And...I’m not sure I have much to say about this category. Oof. Sorry, honestly, this is probably a sign of good editing, since it wasn’t obvious. And as for the music, I remember it...but it was mostly overshadowed by the events of the film itself. So...7/10?

80%! And I’m satisfied with that, honestly!

This movie is built to make you a little uncomfortable while watching it. But, I still believe that it’s a movie to be watched. Good action, prominent emotional development, great acting. This one’s good, and give it a watch! 

Luc Besson, Luc Besson. You gave me a French English-language heroic bloodshed action movie about an older man saving a girl a generation or so younger than him, that also produced a well-known meme on the internet. More, please!

January 20, 2021: Taken (2008)

[margridarnauds]

❤️💜🤣📜 for the musical theater asks hehe

❤️- What’s a show that makes you feel pumped up

Oddly, given the subject matter, 1789 - Yes, it ends with the full knowledge that almost everyone is going to die, but the characters pass the revolution on to YOU, the audience, and basically say "We couldn't do it, but everyone should be allowed to change history. One day, we can still create that future." It's easy to view the story of the French Revolution as one of loss, especially when you look at the human cost of it, but it's also one of hope - Of a group of people who believed, genuinely, that they could change the world, and they did. A group of commoners - Whether they were lawyers, fishwives, or peasants, took down the divine, going straight to their door to do it. They did what was, at the time, considered to be the undoable. And now here we are, two centuries later, learning about them, possibly coming one step closer to creating that world. It's self-aware, especially in the Toho, of what's going to happen, but there's also that message of hope.

Also: Newsies. Love Newsies and Legally Blonde.

💜- What’s an unpopular opinion you have about a show?

When I was going through the Korean production of Chicago, it really, really struck me that Fosse's choreography is repetitive, slow, sleazy, and boring after the tenth time seeing the SAME MOVEMENT. And the sad thing is that Fosse's choreography kind of....IS Chicago to some extent, I like Chicago, but you can't remove the choreography without the show collapsing, so I don't know how to fix it. I just know that I hate Fosse's choreography so much.

Fiyero's a good character, you guys are just mean and pissed off he isn't Glinda and that Glinda isn't him.

I honestly don't care about the POTO changes - From my point of view, they look fine, and I'd honestly be fine with the zombie being put out of its misery after running for all of this time, anyway. Being used to the world of Japanese and Korean musicals, I'm just....used to shows having quick runs and quick revivals? It keeps things fresh instead of having to hear "Music of the Night" for the TEN THOUSANDTH TIME. (That being said, I would die for the new cast and wish them the best.) (Part of this might or might not have to do with the....controversial casting choice in 2016.)

I really don't think Broadway could do Elisabeth - I don't really want to see it exported to the States, especially not now when the tide's against it.

Dance of the Vampires Broadway wasn't as bad as people generally think and a lot of its original sins are there in the original show.

I have a TON of others, but I feel like I've said enough to get a hit put out on me so I'll call it.

🤣- Can you fake a laugh?

NOPE.

📜- What’s your opinion on Hamilton?

Honestly? ...in many ways, it's brilliant. In terms of lyrics, in terms of staging, in terms of music, it's as close to perfect as you can get. (Do you KNOW how much I wish I'd thought of "History Has Its Eyes On You" first?) "Wait For It" alone has gotten me through multiple bouts of depression and imposter's syndrome. I own the Hamiltome. It's a masterpiece, and, honestly...I DO think that it deserves the praise it got, since it essentially revitalized the musical industry. (Though some of its successors, like Great Comet and Six..................tried too hard. Too, too hard. Great Comet suffers from trying to be too Artistic, Six suffers from trying to be too relevant.)

That being said....since 2016, I DO understand the criticisms that have come out about it, especially with its portrayal of the Founding Fathers and slavery. I understand the debate over the color conscious casting and whether it's right to have black people playing slavers. (Especially when you have the British portrayed as white, which really....implies that the colonies actually CARED about real change as opposed to getting lower taxes. It shifts the narrative) I feel like LMM could have done more with Laurens and his relationship with Hamilton than a throwaway line (without tossing the women under the bus), and I do feel like all of the women are fundamentally there to revolve around Hamilton, including Maria Reynolds who deserved so, so much better. Also, the show in general embraces a bootstraps narrative.

I think, to some extent, it's the marked difference between when Hamilton came out, in the twilight of the Obama years, VS where we're looking at it now, with the Trump Era only barely behind us. I won't claim Obama was perfect, he wasn't, but there was....a certain general naivety back then. (And please, hardened leftists, don't come at me with "Not for all of us", I know, you're so much smarter and more aware than the rest of us, take your congratulatory cookie and go - I'm talking about the general mood between the two eras.) I don't know, but it's hard to hear Hamilton talk about how even orphaned immigrants can rise up when we've all seen the absolute darkest side to the American Dream™ the last four years, and we keep seeing it.

Also, they really, really should have released the proshot earlier - It was a fool move to release it over 4 years after its height. You don't make more money that way, you just lose relevance.

Overall - I honestly do still like the musical. I think it deserved the praise. That being said, I do think that we're at the stage where we can look at it with a more circumspect eye, while acknowledging that, on a technical level, it's very, very good. The question of how to put history on stage is always going to be there, and I feel like Hamilton's only really the tip of the iceberg, even though it definitely opened the dialogue.

[kissmetae]

Notes

x CEO!Taehyung

❧ AU: CEO!Taehyung | A job, a best friend and a relatively calm life had you seemingly settled. But with a lack of romance… not that you craved it nor had a romantic interest in anyone.

But one day it was all to change when you were suddenly informed by your commonly disliked boss that you weren’t needed anymore… unless you took a job as his secretary.

Hesitant at first you eventually accepted as he managed to talk you into it. With the pay he offered you could at least give it a chance you thought… but it didn’t take long until he made you change your mind and feel like the common opinion towards him might have been true after all.

But something still felt off…

As you threatened to quit, determined to get another job and get away from him, he refused to let you… begging for you to stay.

The odd feeling you had suppressed was getting harder to contain and sooner or later, the true intentions and meanings of his actions were to be revealed along with your own…

|| ANGST ft. smut | 24.5k | x reader | masterlist in bio ||

❧ Disclaimer: This is fiction. Actions and events in these stories are often exaggerated and to a certain degree unrealistic.  Please have this in consideration when reading fiction, especially if it includes sexual content.

❧ Rating: Mature || sexual content, unprotected sex

❧ Smut features: (In no particular order) Semi-public, denial/edging, dirty talk, “we have to be quiet”, fingering, oral, Top!Taehyung, passionate, in the office, on the desk, in the bedroom, nipple attention, attention for the chest and much more...

❧ A/N: With special guest star Park Jimin in the role as your best friend and the source of someone’s jealousy...

You were typing away on the computer at your desk, finally in a zone where you felt like you were at your peak productivity. But your flow was suddenly interrupted by the soft thud of a pile of paper being tossed onto your desk.

You looked up and noticed you coworker half smiling at you with a hint of insecurity in his eyes.

“Boss wants to see you.”

“Me? What for?”

He shook his shoulders.

“I don’t know, I just came in to have him look through these and he asked me to send you in when I left.” He explained and patted the pile of papers.

Something felt odd.

The boss wanting to see you never gave a good feeling. You had of course met him briefly a few times but the majority of what you knew about him was all based on rumors and coffee break gossip… He wasn’t well spoken of and he was seemingly distancing himself from his employees, always busy in his office or in meetings.

Conveniently your office room was right around the corner from his and you’d sometimes see him walk by. He was always dressed neatly and properly. All buttons buttoned, not a crease on his clothes and each strand of his hair perfectly styled… Tall, broad shoulders… Despite his reputation you couldn’t deny that he had good looks but the reputation severely stained that image.

If it weren’t for the over-hearing of coffee gossip you would’ve first assumed that he was a kind soul, with that face he didn’t look like someone that could be mean or self-centered. But a book can be bad despite its beautiful cover…

The most rumors you had heard were light but some were also more controversial…

One co-worker of yours had claimed that your boss had fired multiple people simply for spilling coffee. While another had gossiped in the break room over how they had heard a rumor from someone that he was participating in some sort of tax fraud or corruption… The sources weren’t reliable to say the least but you naturally stood your colleagues closer than your boss so mindlessly taking their words into consideration was easier than you thought.

“He’s so cold I got shivers when I entered his office!”

“He thinks so highly of himself! I can see it just by the way he sits!”

“Who does he think he is?”

“He doesn’t take any interest in the company, he only wants gain!”

“He is rude!”

“I heard he once fired a member of staff for bumping into him by the elevator by accident…”

“I’m not surprised he’s not married, who would ever fall for someone like that?”

What made everyone think this way? Did you really want to find out for yourself? Well it seemed like you no longer had much of a choice…

“Good luck” Your colleague teased as you pushed your chair back to stand up.

The few steps to his office felt unsteady and you fidgeted with your fingers.

After a soft gulp to try and drown your nervousness you knocked confidently at the door of his office.

“Enter.” You heard faintly.

You carefully pushed the heavy door open and entered.

With a soft click it closed behind you and the blonde haired man was looking down at a paper in front of him, tapping softly with his pen against the glass top of the expensive desk.

He was wearing a dark grey suit but his blazer was neatly hung on the coat hanger by the door, leaving him in only his white shirt and black tie along with the matching dark grey slack and red velvet loafers… On his nose a pair of thin round frames balanced.

His office was a lot larger than your own and had huge windows with a view over the business district the company was situated in.

In the rear of the room was a group of couches with a round table in the middle and lined up behind them were a few bookshelves with various archives and books. The walls were decorated with various paintings and you couldn’t help but let them briefly steal your attention as you looked around.

He put the pen down and looked up at your admiring gaze towards one of the paintings.

“Do you like art?” he asked, as emotionless as a text to speech voice.

Your attention immediately returned to him and you nodded with a smile, trying to act as formal as you could, mainly out of fear rather than respect.

“I do.”

The corner of his mouth moved into a smile.

Your stomach was suffering from the nervousness and you felt uncomfortable and awkward, as if you were oddly stiff.

“Take a seat.” He said, standing up and gesturing towards the couches.

With your hands held in front of you, you walked over and took a seat. He joined you shortly after, taking a seat across of you.

You wanted to avoid his gaze but that would be unprofessional…

But the more your eyes meet the more your nervousness grew…

“Would you like some tea?” He suggested.

“I-I’m fine, thank you.”

“Well then…” He clapped his hands together softly and leaned forward slightly.

“You’re not needed anymore.”

What!?

“I don’t understand…”

“In your department. But I have an opening for another job; consider it a promotion if you like. I’ll double your pay if you accept it, but know you’re the only one I see even the slightest suitable for this job out of you all.”

“What job is it sir?”

“I need a secretary.”

Suitable? Double pay?

“I’ll give you some time to consider if you need-“

“I accept.”

He looked surprised for a second but his expression quickly changed into a pleased smile.

“Great, I’ll prepare your new contract immediately and you can gather your things together.”

“Gather my things?”

“Yes, you’re my secretary; you’ll have a new office closer to me.”

How much closer could you get than the office you already had?

“Right away Mr. Kim.” You stood up eagerly.

He stood up himself and held out his hand for you to shake.

His grip was firm… Hands large and soft…

“Please, call me Taehyung.”

--

You left his office with a shy smile and made your way back to your office.

Across from your office was an area of booth offices and your colleagues curiously eyed you as you returned.

Your colleague from earlier, Jimin, had the office next to yours and after a short while he leaned in by the door as you packed together a small box.

“How did it go?” He sounded concerned.

“Well!” You turned around and smiled.

Jimin gave you an odd look and entered your office, closing the door behind you for the eager ears outside not to hear.

“Why are you packing your things together?”

“I’m moving office.”

Jimin looked even more confused.

“Tell me.” He ordered.

“I think I got a promotion?”

“A promotion!?”

“To his secretary…”

Jimin’s eager smile fell.

“Did he threaten you?”

“What? No! He offered me double pay so of course I accepted.”

“Who would become his secretary if it wasn’t for the pay...” Jimin sighed, shaking his head.

“I can help you find a better job, you deserve better than that.”

“Jimin it’s ok.”

“I know you’re not too familiar with him but he can be the worst…”

“He seemed nice…”

“Seemed.”

You decided to give him the chance besides the rumors…

“I’m happy for you but I’m also worried…” Jimin continued

“I appreciate it, but don’t worry!”

You and Jimin had become quite close during your time working there and you considered him a close friend.

“At least tell me the secrets if you find out about any.” You rolled your eyes at him with a snort.

Jimin patted your shoulder softly and left you to keep gathering up your stuff in peace.

You didn’t have a lot of personal belongings in the office and since you tended to keep your space neat you quickly finished up. The only issue was that you didn’t know where to move the box…

Luckily at the right timing you heard a soft knock at the door frame of your office.

It was Taehyung.

The walls of your office towards the corridor were of glass and you could see the gazes of your colleagues across burning against the glass towards Taehyung’s back.

He stepped in and noticed your eyes looking beyond him. Curiously, he turned around to look as well as he close the door.

Almost in sync they all snapped their heads back to what they were doing. But it didn’t last long until their gazes returned as Taehyung stepped further into your office.

“I’ll have someone set up your new office tomorrow morning, but the contract is ready.”

That was fast…

“And I have some errands I’d like you to keep me company too, first one being in five minutes.”

He placed the papers in his hand down on your desk and took a pen out of the pocket of his blazer that he was now wearing and handed it to you.

“Name, date and signature.”

You preferred reading through contracts first but having him stand in front of you while you did so would be uneasy… you’ll just look through it later….

You clicked the pen and signed.

“Great.” He said and you hinted a subtle sly smirk briefly.

“Come along, take the box with you.” He said and grabbed the papers and pen before heading towards the door.

You followed him to his office and he placed the contract on his desk.

“You can keep the box in here until you get a new space.”

You carefully put the box down by the door when you realized you had forgotten your coat in the office.

Taehyung gestured for you to follow him and he grabbed his own coat without a word. His walking pace was faster than earlier and you rushed behind him, assuming you were heading out for his errands.

As you passed your now old office on the way out your quickly ran in and grabbed your coat and scarf, hoping to be quick enough that he wouldn’t notice but when you ran back out he had stopped and was looking behind at you.

“You could just tell me to wait.”

“Sorry Mr. Kim.”

--

A few minutes later you found yourself in the passenger seat of his car.

The radio was playing on a low volume as he drove along the highway. Suddenly a familiar intro began to play and you immediately recognized the song as it was one of your favorites.

Getting too excited you suddenly let out an eager gasp.

“I love this song!”

You immediately withdrew, feeling embarrassed.

You heard a soft chuckle next to you and noticed how Taehyung’s hand moved to turn the volume up slightly.

A small gesture that would make anyone happy…

Was this really the man your colleagues had spoken so badly about?

He didn’t seem to match what you had heard… Maybe it was too soon to assume that they were wrong… you had yet to make a mistake and maybe his seemingly nice façade would fall then…

“What is our first stop?”

“I’m being shown around a new facility and your part is only to be my second pair of eyes. We start easy today.”

“What facility is it?”

“It’s a… well it’s not new but it’s been renovated and extended, but it’s the children’s hospital.”

You were surprised.

“The children’s hospital? How come you are being shown around?”

It didn’t have much to do with what the company did…

“We sponsored the renovation. You should know these things as my secretary.”

You kept quiet.

Taehyung pulled up to the hospital and parked in the visitor parking area. Based on the entrance it was pretty clear that an event was taking place.

Taehyung turned back and reached for his bag in the backseat and placed it in his lap. He pulled out a dark grey book with some various notes peeking out through the pages and handed it to you.

“You take care of this from now.”

You opened it and noticed it was his personal calendar.

Taehyung got out of the car and you quickly put it in your bag and got out yourself.

You followed Taehyung closely as he entered the hospital and was greeted by multiple reps as well as the press. The entrance was covered in various flowers wishing the extension good luck and Taehyung approached a man in a formal suit and shook his hand.

It was the chairman of the hospital.

Seeing how everyone around you was so formally dressed you couldn’t help but feel a little insecure in your simple office attire. You made a note for yourself to improve this for tomorrow as well as remember to study his calendar.

The tour of the extended area as well as the renovated parts immediately begun and you were followed by both the press and staff of the hospital whose roles you were unaware of. The chairman and Taehyung lead the way, walking in front. It was hard to keep up and you didn’t know if you should walk behind Taehyung or keep up and walk next to him… To be safe you kept slightly behind him as you took your role as his second pair of eyes.

The chairman did the most of the talking but Taehyung stopped him every now and then to either praise the work done or ask questions.

Your new role had come so sudden and you were feeling unsure of what you should and shouldn’t do, you had questions at the tip of your tongue that you wished to ask but you kept quiet instead, hoping that maybe Taehyung would ask the same question.

As the tour came to an end Taehyung glanced back to see if you were still there with a serious expression.

The press took a few photos of Taehyung together with the chairman and you then got escorted to a large conference room.

It all felt like a mess to you as you didn’t know what waited and you were simply forced to improvise and follow the flow.

A short press conference was to be held and Taehyung spoke about the sponsorship and his motives behind sponsoring the renovation and expansion. His speech was honestly speaking quite heartwarming but your stress levels were hindering you from enjoying it.

After approximately another half an hour it was finally time to leave and get back to the car.

You felt relief.

 “What did you think?” Taehyung asked as you walked towards the car.

“It looked nice and well, what a hospital should look like but I couldn’t help but wonder what they were planning to do to make it all a bit more… child friendly.”

“Child friendly?”

“It seemed more like we were at a hospital for adults rather than a children’s hospital, shouldn’t it be more colorful and homey rather than white and sterile looking? At least in the public areas?”

“You have a good point.” He praised

You got in the car.

The second you closed the door and reached for your seatbelt, Taehyung turned to you with a serious expression.

“Next time, walk next to me. It looks bad if you’re walking behind me and I would’ve loved to hear that opinion while we were there and not afterwards.”

You felt like a scolded child.

“Sorry Mr. Kim…”

“I told you to call me Taehyung.” He said and reached for his own seatbelt.

“Sorry... I didn’t know what was ok and not.”

“Not ok is calling me Mr. Kim, everything else I encourage you to do, you’re my secretary, you should act as my right hand and be involved. First thing I want you to do tomorrow is call the chairman and schedule a meeting with him so we can talk about making it more child friendly.”

“Yes, Taehyung.”

--

Your feet were aching after all the fast pace walking.

Dressed in your pajamas you threw yourself face down on your bed together with Taehyung’s calendar. All you wanted was to rest after your shower but you knew you needed to read through his calendar before tomorrow. You wanted to be prepared.

There were many things you wanted to do tomorrow, one of many being to have a chance to read through your contract.

You got comfortable, placing a pillow by your spine for support and opened the calendar to last week.

Not knowing what you were expecting you were still a little surprised from the amount of doodles that outlined the page. You flipped the page to this week and saw a bunch of scribbles for meetings and to do lists.

On the today list was the tour of the hospital as well as a meeting he had earlier in the morning, besides that there was a star but nothing else.

You assumed the star to be a doodle despite it seeming like he tended to doodle only among the outline of the pages.

So what was on the agenda for tomorrow?

-          See other to do list in office

-          10:00 meeting, in office

-          Pick up package -4679

-          13:30 meeting, in office

-          Dinner

See the other to do list? Well that was easier said than done…

Maybe you could squeeze the meeting with the hospital in between the later meeting and the dinner? You’d have to ask Taehyung what time his dinner would be.

You wondered who it was dinner with… Business? His family? A lover?

You didn’t bother and closed the calendar, placing it on your night stand and reaching for your phone instead to scroll a while before going to sleep.

--

The next morning you were extra cautious about your outfit, dressing up more neatly and formal and not as dressed down as you’d usually opt for as you sat in an office all day… same going for your makeup. Sometimes it was fun to dress up a little extra and why not give yourself that time now? A new job could give you a reason as well as the motivation to give yourself that extra shine in the morning.

The last thing you did before leaving your place was to put Taehyung’s calendar in your bag.

Your gut told you to leave early and the time you had set aside to get ready turned out to be generous enough for you to have plenty of time left.

As you predicted you were the first to turn up at the office but the lights were already on.

In the corridor you almost jumped as a stranger unexpectedly rounded the corner by your old office.

“Sorry.” He chuckled and got going.

Who was that?

You walked up to Taehyung office and knocked carefully before opening the door.

He was already there.

“You’re early.”

“Good morning.”

He wore a navy blue suit today with black shiny shoes and a white shirt, no tie.

“The guy I hired to set up your office just left, you can pack up your stuff now if you like and we can go through the day once you’re done. I have a few phone calls to do meanwhile.”

Taehyung explained and walked over to his own desk.

“Where is it?”

“There.” Taehyung said and pointed towards the corner of his office where a new desk was, similar to his own. Behind the desk were the large windows with the view over the area, making the corner look rather aesthetically pleasing, but of course facing the view would’ve been preferred.

“Oh I thought I’d be in another room.”

“Why would you be? You’re my secretary.”

Oh…

Your computer was already moved and set up so there wasn’t much for you to do. You lifted the medium sized box and placed it on the desk and took out your things, setting them up as you pleased and finishing fast. On the wall next to the desk was a small shelf unit.

During the short time it took you Taehyung had made a short phone call.

“You’re already done?”

You nodded.

He licked his upper lip out of habit and got up from his chair and took a pile of things that were on his desk and walked over to you.

On top of the pile was a phone.

“This phone has all the numbers you need, keep it on at all times so I can reach you. These files need to be looked through too and when you’re done I need you to book flights and a hotel for a business trip.” He placed the pile down on your desk.

“What about the meeting with the hospital?”

“Book that too.”

“I saw in your calendar that you could possibly have time between the half past one meeting and dinner but what time is the dinner?”

“The time isn’t set so say I’m free after that meeting. The chairman’s secretary’s number is in the phone.”

Taehyung returned to his desk and picked up his own phone again to make another call.

You got to your duties immediately and looked through the files. They needed to be sorted and they had yet to be reviewed and approved by Jimin.

Why were they in Taehyung’s hands to begin with if they weren’t approved yet?

You assembled the files, put the phone in your pocket and stood up.

Taehyung was talking on the phone and watched you with a serious gaze as you left his office.

Hopefully Jimin had arrived during this time…

To your luck the lights in his office were on.

“Knock knock.”

“Good morning miss secretary.”

You laughed.

“You look good.”

“Thank you.” You smiled and stepped in. “I have a few files I need you to approve for me.”

“Anything for you.” He smiled, taking off his blazer and hanging it on his chair.

You handed Jimin the files and he looked over the front.

“They were all out of order but I sorted them for you.”

“Thank you! Maybe it’s too soon to ask but how is he so far?” Jimin asked and glanced over the pile.

“So far it seems good, he’s a little intimidating sometimes but he seems like a nice man. I don’t see the source of what the other’s said really. He even sponsored the renovation of the children’s hospital.” You said, lowering your voice.

“Sponsor?”

You nodded.

“I should go back now but I’ll call you later.”

“I’ll be waiting!”

--

You opened the door carefully not to interrupt in case Taehyung was still in his call but the call had ended and he was typing at his laptop.

“Come here.” He said, not looking up.

You walked over to his side and looked at his screen. He scrolled through a page with information of a convention.

“There’s a convention in Portugal next week that I’m invited to. Its three days and we need flights and a hotel.”

“How do you prefer travelling?”

“Private.”

“You have a plane?”

Taehyung looked up at you by his shoulder.

“No? I rent. Book any hotel that’s comfortable and close to the convention center and call the jet rental company.”

A please would do well with his snappy tone…

You walked over to your desk and looked up the convention yourself to get more information and then went on to book a hotel. The nearest one was in connection with the convention center but it had a five star rating.

“Will five stars do?”

“Sounds perfect but it’s up to you.” He said, not looking up.

You went through with booking but quickly came to a new halt by the room selection.

“Executive or suite?”

“It’s up to you.”

“Then I’ll book a suite.”

 “Do you want to share a room?” Taehyung asked, now looking over at you with an annoyed expression. “You’re going too.”

“Then I’ll book one of each.” You said flustered

Taehyung sighed.

“Just book two suites.”

His attitude was getting on your nerves; he couldn’t simply expect you to know his preferences on the first full day?

He suddenly stood up and walked over to you.

“I forgot to give this to you.” He handed you a credit card.

“It’s for any booking or anything job related, it’s yours.”

Taehyung’s name was on it but your recognized it as a company credit card.

You sent the booking confirmation to your work email and went on to search the number for the jet booking service. The voice that picked up was friendly and helpful and it was nice to hear a warm toned voice for a change. Everything seemed to run smooth and you received yet another confirmation.

You called up the chairman of the hospital and scheduled a meeting with him in the afternoon and wrote down the time in Taehyung’s calendar as well as the booking and hotel details for the business trip.

By now it was almost time for the first meeting of the day…

Your role in these meetings became mainly to take notes since you weren’t really updated on what any of these meetings were about… In between you made a quick run to the post office for Taehyung to pick up his delivery and you arrived in time right before the final meeting. It didn’t last long and felt more like a catch up than any planning but the man that had come to the meeting was really friendly and his friendliness also made you feel more at ease with your new position.

As soon as it came to an end you headed to the hospital in time for the meeting where you’d finally be able to have an input and feel like a vital participant.

Sure it was still early days, you would need time to adapt and learn but it felt like Taehyung was expecting a fast pace from you.

--

Days past and as the job seemed to get more under your control you were suddenly set back by a stressful surprise and repeat. You felt more comfortable and Taehyung’s daily routines were handled with ease but there was still the question and confusion of where he wanted you to be and when. Whenever you weren’t with him when he wanted he turned rude and cold, yet again making you lean towards agreeing with the words of your co-workers.

“How is it? Is it warm?” Jimin asked, his smile brightening the screen more than the brightness level itself.

You were resting in your hotel room in Portugal after a long day of walking around the convention center and greeting various people.

“It’s humid!” You wined. “But it’s very pretty here. I haven’t had the time to see anything besides the expo yet but as far as I’ve seen, it seems worth visiting!”

“You have to show me pictures ok?”

“I will.” You giggled.

Jimin was resting on his bed, ready for sleep.

“Has he been nice to you?”

“It’s been on a plus minus zero level since we got here, thus so far manageable.”

Jimin sighed with a smile.

“The atmosphere is totally different when he isn’t here.”

“Is that so?”

“Everyone is just more relaxed and bubbly.”

“Maybe I should talk him into staying a while longer.” You laughed.

“Good idea! But I want you to come back home soon, I miss you!”

“You’ll survive without me, but isn’t it very late for you now? You should be sleeping, I’m keeping you up.”

“It’s ok! I’m not tire-“ Jimin was cut off by his own yawn.

“Sure, I’ll hang up now Jimin so go sleep. Bye!” You waved bye and clicked the red button before he could refuse.

You threw a glance towards the large window in your room and noticed the sun had slowly begun its evening voyage towards the horizon.

A sudden knock at the door startled you slightly.

You got off the bed you had been sitting on and walked over to the door.

It was Taehyung.

He was dressed in a light blue shirt, a few buttons left unbuttoned at the very top and black slacks.

“Do you want to get something to eat?”

“Yes that would be lovely, I’ll just grab my bag.”

“You don’t need it.”

“It’s a vital part of my outfit, you don’t understand.” You joked

Taehyung rolled his eyes.

You grabbed your bag from the hook on the wall and quickly put on your shoes.

--

“I thought we could go to the restaurant by the beach, it seemed nice and it had good reviews.” Taehyung said once the two of you stepped out of the hotel.

“Sounds good, what type of food do they have?”

“Local.”

His short snappy answers tended to get on your nerves a little but you suppressed it with ease.

The walk wasn’t long and you took a table outside on the terrace with a view of the beach. The exterior was all white painted wood with some plants here and there. Over you hung decorative lightbulbs that would give a dim light as the sun settled.

You ordered after viewing the selections for a while and the waiter soon returned with your drink orders.

Taehyung was staring at sea meanwhile, not saying a word… as per usual.

This was the second evening you had eaten out together… while here.

The first day was the same. After the meeting at the hospital he insisted you’d eat together and act distant or distracted.

“You know we don’t have to eat together right?” You pointed out, breaking the silence.

“You don’t want to eat with me?” He suddenly made eye contact.

You swallowed the sip of your drink you were in the midst of when he accused you.

“No, I just thought of you… In case you thought-“

“I know I don’t have to.”

“Well… It’s my mistake if so. Sorry.”

“Sorry?” He tilted his head to the side and reached for his drink.

“You’re so silent I thought you might be uncomfortable with me here.”

“Silent? You’re not asking me anything.”

“Must I ask something in order for you to talk?”

“Ask me anything and I’ll answer if you’re curious, then I’ll be talking.”

“Then tell me about yourself.”

“My name is Kim Taehyung, I’m born 1995 and I am your boss.” He raised a brow.

“Not like that, I meant like what you like to do in your free time.”

“I like taking photos.” He looked down into his glass.

“And?”

“I like fashion.”

“So I’ve noticed.”

“Have you?” he asked, sounding surprised and looked back up again.

“I see how you dress.”

“Have you been admiring me from afar?”

Taking another sip of your drink in that moment was a bad choice and you began to cough.

“No! Not like that… geez you’re impossible.” You mumbled the later and reached for a napkin.

Taehyung returned his attention to the sea.

In that moment the waiter thankfully returned with your food.

You wanted to eat and leave.

He made you feel embarrassed over something that wasn’t even true… partially.

But in no way had you admired him for nothing that was skin deep! Did he really think that high of himself? They were right…

Annoyed, you began to cut your food.

“Tell me about you.” Taehyung asked.

“I doubt it would interest you.” You said, reflecting his cold attitude.

“If it didn’t interest me I wouldn’t have asked.”

“Then ask what you want to know.”

“What do you do when you’re not working?” He asked, looking down and taking a piece of his own food.

You gave him a short undetailed response before grabbing a piece of food for yourself. If he wanted to know more he would simply have to ask for it too.

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

“Is that all?”

“No.”

“Then what more?”

“I like fashion too.”

“Then we should go shopping together.”

You looked up again.

“Shop together?”

“Yes so that you can shop for me in the future, I have a special style I like and it only makes sense that you familiarize yourself with it.”

“Nice save…” You mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“If you want us to have a conversation you must speak more clearly.”

You put you fork and knife down, accidently making it dramatically clink against the plate and making Taehyung look back at you with wide eyes.

“Are you always like this? Do you talk like this with your friends too?”

“Like what?”

“You act so cold and uninterested; I told you we don’t have to eat together.”

“I’m trying to get to know you, is that not what you wanted?”

With unbearable awkwardness and a desire to leave as soon as possible lingering? Sure!

You grabbed your bag and pulled out your wallet, placing more than enough for your own meal on the table and stood up.

You had barely touched it but you refused to stay with him another second.

He made you feel humiliated, a feeling you couldn’t handle and especially not when he caused it.

Admiring him? Wanting him to get to know you?  

You walked faster, fueled by your built up anger.

May it have been built up from days ago but this was your last straw.

You’d get another job, a better job.

Anything was better than feeling burdensome as a secretary for him.

Caught up in your ranting thoughts you didn’t notice the sound of running footsteps behind you until you felt a firm grip at your wrist.

“Hey!”

Taehyung was breathing heavily.

“Why did you cause such a scene!?”

You tried to snatch your wrist away from him and he stopped your first attempt but let you go the next second.

“I didn’t cause a scene!”

“You stood up and left me there alone! I looked pathetic!”

“Nobody cares!”

“I care!”

“You pretend to care! I’m done, I quit. You can find another secretary and I’m taking the next flight back home!”

“You can’t quit! You signed a contract!”

You turned back around and started walking again but Taehyung stopped you by the wrist again.

“Why do you want to quit!?”

“Because I can’t stand you! You’re so cold, you don’t tell me what to do and you just expect me to know, your demands are way too high. You know I’ve never been a secretary nor do I know you or your preferences yet you expect me to and get mad when I don’t deliver.”

“Your confidence will develop soon.”

“It’s not about my confidence, I am confident!”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry!”

“Let go of me…”

“Not until you say you won’t quit.”

“I am going to quit.”

“Listen, I’m sorry ok. Just give me a second chance and I’ll be better.”

“A second chance? What are you talking about? You can just find a new secretary!”

“But I want you to be my secretary!”

“Why me?” You tried to pull away from his grip again but he wouldn’t let you.

“Because- because I wanted you to be!”

You sighed.

What was this, a drama?

“Mr. Kim, let go.”

“I’ll triple your pay.”

“Let. Go.”

“No.”

If he didn’t let go soon you would resort to slapping him across the face.

“I’ll double it by ten!”

“How desperate are you? There are plenty of experienced secretaries out there that would do a way better job than I ever would!”

“You’ll learn!”

“Taehyung if you don’t let go of me now I’ll slap you.” You threatened. “People are watching us!”

“I don’t care!”

“You cared just now!”

“I cared about you leaving me!”

There was a brief silence and you just looked at each other.

“Then slap me.” He said, determined. “I probably deserve it anyway.”

“Based on what people say about you, you probably do.”

“Then do it.”

“I’m not going to do it if you ask me to.” You looked away from him.

Taehyung sighed.

You suddenly felt your arm being pulled as Taehyung began to walk back towards the hotel with your wrist still in his strong hand.

“I can’t believe you’re forcing me to hold you so you won’t run away…”

“I’ve asked you to let me go three times now, you’re the one treating me like a child!”

“We’ll talk in my room and order something to eat.”

“No.”

“We’re on a business trip and I’m your boss so you do as I say.”

“You’re not my boss anymore.” You mumbled as you entered the lobby of the hotel.

In silence you went to the top floor where the suites were located via the elevator. In the elevator you were accompanied by an elderly couple probably on vacation that smiled sweetly at the two of you. They got off at the floor before the top.

Taehyung grabbed his keycard out of his pocket and unlocked the door to his suite. Once the door closed behind you he finally let go of your wrist and you snatched it away from him and walked over towards the sofa group in the middle of the room.

His room had a view of the park behind the hotel; your own had the luck of facing the beach.

Taehyung grabbed the room service menu from the table and handed it to you and you took it without facing his way.

“I want the same thing I ordered at the restaurant.” You mumbled and handed it back to him without looking.

Taehyung walked over to the stationary phone in the room and ordered before returning to sit down next to you on the sofa.

“Your contract says you can’t quit within the first six months.”

You should’ve read through it… But you would’ve possibly not cared about that condition prior to this trip either way.

“And if I stop showing up?”

“I’ll sue you.”

Who was he if even human? Who would threaten with such a thing?

“Triple my pay and change it to six weeks and I’ll give you a second chance”

“Six months.”

“Six weeks!”

“Six months!” He leaned closer.

“Six weeks!” You leaned in even closer.

May it be the adrenaline of the fight but your heart was unknowingly racing.

“The contract says six months, I’ll make you change your mind about quitting if you just get to know me. We can skip the convention tomorrow and do something together, we can go shopping just for pleasure, I’ll pay for everything you want just-“

“Why do you want me to be your secretary so bad?”

“Three months…” He looked defeated.

“Six months if you answer my question.”

“Three months!”

This was getting ridiculous…

“Six months!” You yelled, failing to not laugh.

He looked up at you with a shy smile and for once the tension seemed to calm down a bit.

“Three months…” He said in a lower tone, leaning closer to appear more intimidating but with the smile holding back a giggle he looked more cute than intimidating.

“Why do you want me so bad?”

“I don’t know…” He whispered.

Your foreheads were almost touching and you found yourself getting lost in his eyes, leaning even closer… His hand touched your chin, tilting your face ever so slightly when a knock at the door suddenly interrupted you and you pulled away from each other.

What just happened? Your face was hot and red and Taehyung ran towards the door to get the food. What happened? What happened!? What was going to happen? An employee from the hotel carried in the food and placed it on the table for Taehyung while he watched with an equally red face.

“Thank you.” you smiled and with an “enjoy your meal” he left the suite with a smile.

Taehyung returned to his spot on the sofa and reached for his plate in silence.

After a few minutes of eating in silence he broke it…

“I’m sorry.”

You glanced over at him, seeing his guilty pout.

“Sometimes I just get nervous and don’t know what to say and I tried to act cool. I’m sorry if you took it the wrong way.”

“Just be yourself from now.” You said.

“Do you still want to quit?” he poked at what was left on his plate.

“The reason I gave you a first chance was to see who you really were…”

“Then let’s go shopping tomorrow.”

“Sounds good… But are you still not going to answer my question?”

“I was hoping you would be able to guess…”

“I won’t ask anymore.”

--

The front door let out a light click sound as it closed behind you.

It was pretty late but the last thing you could think of in this moment was your neighbors being disturbed by your bulky suitcase being dragged across your floor.

You rolled it on to its side in your bedroom with one hand so you finally could dedicate your attention to what was in your other hand. A small package wrapped in beige paper was hanging from a string on the door handle when you came home. From the shape you could confidently say that it was flowers.

Who could’ve sent you flowers? Had they been hanging on the door for long?

You hoped not so that the flowers would be ok.

As you walked into your kitchen you began to un-wrap the paper around it and to your relief the flowers were fine.  The bouquet was quite thick and had a mix of red and burgundy flowers surrounded by long leaves to tie it all together. Around the base was a small card tied with a string.

You removed the card and placed the flowers in a vase on the kitchen counter.

“Congratulations on your promotion.” – TH

You sighed.

With slight reluctance you pulled out your phone and sent him a quick text.

“Thanks.”

Not even a mere second later your phone vibrated with a response.

“For what?”

“The flowers.”

“You’re welcome.”

It all felt weird.

How come? You asked yourself but you couldn’t give a clear response.

You looked over towards the flowers again and a short lived urge to want to throw them away sparked but you dismissed it.

You should trust his promise.

He could do better, he was new to having a secretary… may you be very generous in your decision but for now you would try to forgive him and move on.

--

The next morning Taehyung was standing in his office looking through a folder. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his forearms and the radio was on low volume to cancel out the distress of silence in the office in the early hours.

You stepped in, holding a takeaway cardboard mug-holder with two hot drinks in it.

Taehyung turned around as he heard you enter.

“Oh, good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

You placed the mug-holder down on your desk and began to take off your coat.

“Somewhat, that’s why I stopped on the way to get coffee. I got one for you too but I didn’t know if you liked coffee because I’ve never seen you drink it, so one is full of caramel syrup so it doesn’t taste of it but you can take either.”

“Which one was intended for me?” He asked, walking over to your desk.

“They’re both caramel, but the one with extra.” You said and pointed to the left one.

Taehyung grabbed the left one.

“Thank you.”

“It’s my job is it not?”

“But you noticed I didn’t drink coffee, this is why you have the potential to be a good secretary.”

“Because I know you don’t drink coffee?” You raised a brow.

“No, not like that I- You have eye for detail.“

You chuckled.

“Please don’t get me wrong.”

“Taehyung I was joking, relax.”

He didn’t say anything and silently sipped on his drink.

You took your bag and placed in on the desk as well and took out his calendar.

“You don’t have any meetings today, but we need to visit the new store in the mall because they just re-modelled and since you have time, it would be good if we could head over and just have a look and see that it’s up to standard and the store manager requested it as well if we had time. So let’s say it’s a surprise visit.”

You turned around, facing away from the desk to look at Taehyung for his approval.

His mug was raised but barely touching his lips and his gaze felt intimidating.

“Sounds good.”

You smiled.

“You look good.”

“Oh… thanks.” You blushed slightly and grabbed your own drink.

“Should we head there now?” Taehyung asked.

“The store doesn’t open for another hour.”

“I have some things I need to buy; maybe the other stores are open so let’s go now.”

“Alright...”

Taehyung hastily grabbed his things together and you took your coat and bag and headed towards the parking house together.

--

Only a few stores had opened, the majority were still closed as it was so early in the day.

“What did you need to buy?” You asked, holding his calendar tight in your hands with your bag on your arm. Why? To take notes.

Since you had an eye for detail you wanted to impress him again and it would be impossible without taking notes. The coffee detail was just something you had noticed casually… or maybe you had an unknowing eye for detail? Either way you felt more comfortable holding something in your hands.

“Should I carry your bag?” Taehyung asked, replying to your question with a question.

“No, it’s ok. But what did you need here?”

“Are you sure? It looks heavy.”

“What are you buying?”

“Huh?”

“We came here early to buy something?”

Maybe the jetlag had hit him harder than you thought… even though you weren’t away for long.

“Oh yeah! I need a new shirt, let’s go.”

A new shirt? Fair enough… Rich, interest for fashion… shouldn’t he if anyone have plenty?

“We have 40 minutes until the shop opens.”

“Come on.” Taehyung had already started walking and eagerly waved you along.

Since the majority of the stores were closed there were barely any people at the mall.

You followed Taehyung to the area of the mall where the high end and designer stores were located. He headed straight for the doors of the Dior shop but it seemed closed.

“There’s staff inside.” Taehyung pointed out, looking through the window.

“Is the door locked?”

“Yeah, but if they see me they’ll let us in, I’m a regular.”

“What loyalty level do you have to be on to have the power to shop out of opening hours?”

Taehyung chuckled.

“Let’s see if we can go to another store in the meantime, there is a shirt from here I really want but if it’s closed I guess…” Taehyung begun and turned around to the store right opposite where a door guard was already standing.

Gucci.

“Is it open?” You asked the guard.

Before the guard had a chance the employee of the shop had noticed you outside and let you in, recognizing Taehyung.

“Mr. Kim! I was wondering when I’d see you again! We just got the new collection! Come in! Who is this?”

“I’m his secretary.” You said with a smile and introduced yourself.

“Nice to meet you! I’m sure we have something that may interest you as well.” He smiled sweetly.

Taehyung’s world surely was fascinating…

Not only had you noticed this on your extravagant shopping trip in Portugal, but it was like your job had suddenly become a lot more interesting once your focus shifted from the job itself to just finding your balance in this new world.

In all honestly you wanted to forget about Portugal but it would be easier said than done with so many new pieces in your closet now reminding you of that trip… Pieces you loved but didn’t want but he insisted… At least you felt appropriately dressed in a luxury store for once…

Taehyung tried on the shirt and ended up getting it before you headed to your initial destination in the mall. The visit went well and the rest of the week ran smoothly, much to your relief. Your faith was growing and so was your confidence, but seemingly Taehyung was more comfortable around you.

--

After a weekend of well-deserved rest you were mentally prepared to get back to work.

As you stepped out of your apartment complex a strong gush of wind slapped you across the face.

--

The rain was pouring down heavily, making a patter sound against the big windows of Taehyung’s office.

From it you could see how the trees bent from the strong wind.

Going outside did not look tempting in the slightest…

 Taehyung was late.

It wasn’t like him and you began to worry if something might have happened on his way.

Fed up with waiting you pulled your phone out and called him but he didn’t pick up.

 You couldn’t wait here much longer.

What if there had been an accident in the storm or he simply was still at home?

It might seem like a wild idea but you grabbed your coat and called him again as you walked towards the parking house.

There was still no answer.

You let out a frustrated sigh and got into the elevator.

You’d head to his place to check if he was there…

You kept calling over and over again.

The elevator reached the parking level and you got out with the phone still by your ear, endless empty signals repeating themselves.

 As you walked towards your car you came to a sudden halt.

Taehyung’s car was there…

Had you passed each other perhaps?

Nothing made sense…

 You walked up to his car and to your relief you spotted him sitting in the driver’s seat.

But his head was tilted down.

 You startled him, making him jump as you knocked gently at the window.

He looked up at you and first now you noticed that he was crying.

 He opened the door and got out of the car, whipping his cheek with the back of his hand as he did.

”Taehyung are you o-”

You were cut off.

His arms wrapped around you softly and he hid his face by your neck, letting out a shaky sigh.

A mere second passed and you returned the hug by placing your hands against his broad back, comforting him with a gentle patting motion.

As a response he pulled you tighter, making you have to take a step closer to not lose your balance.

 ”Everything is going to be ok.” You said soothingly, despite not knowing what brought him to tears but hoping it would give him some comfort either way.

After a while Taehyung pulled away and took a step back.

He avoided your eyes and whipped away whatever tears were left, sniffling softly.

 ”Are you ok?” You asked again.

”You must think I’m pathetic”

”Why would I think such a thing?”

”Because you find me crying all by myself…” he chuckled awkwardly as he sniffed again, embarrassed.

”Isn’t it good that I found you? I was worried, I’ve been calling you like crazy. I thought you had got into an accident in the storm.”

He smiled at the ground.

”I’m ok.” He ensured.

”Then why were you crying?”

”I…” he sighed. ”It’s nothing.”

It surely didn’t seem as nothing. Whatever this ”nothing” was he was visibly upset, even the tip of his nose was red…

”You know you can talk to me if something is troubling you right?”

”No.”

”Just because I’m your secretary doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend.”

”I just don’t know how to say it without seeming… pathetic.”

”You don’t need to seem anything I already know who you are.”

 The words made Taehyung finally look up as if they had awoken a thought within him.

”I was feeling lonely.”

”Lonely?”

”Lonely.”

”In what way?”

”Nobody loves me and everybody here apparently hates me, I have no friends, I have no love life and I barely have the time to see my family and I feel so lonely and hopeless.” Another tear fell from his face and his smile fell.

 ”I don’t hate you Taehyung.”

”What if you’re just saying that.”

”And what if I’m not? Do you think I’d still be working as your secretary if I hated you?”

”I pay well…”

”I’d rather be paid less and work a job I like rather than be paid well and work a job I hate. Trust me… and I’m still here”

”We should go back, we have things to do.” Taehyung changed the subject and closed the car door behind him and begun to walk but you quickly stopped him by grabbing his arm.

”We can hang out after work if you like, as friends, not work.”

His eyes sparkled as he looked back at you.

”Are you suggesting it because you feel bad for me?”

”I’m suggesting it because I care and I don’t want you to feel lonely.”

”There’s a movie I want to see…”

”Then we’ll see a movie after work! Now let’s go work so we can watch the movie sooner.” You cheerfully said and pulled him along by the arm, making him smile shyly.

What could have possibly triggered him into feeling the need to cry over his loneliness? Had he been broken up with? “I have no love life” … maybe not.

The elevator doors closed.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but why were you feeling sad about it… now?

“You’ll just have to guess…” He sighed. “But I’m ok now… don’t worry about me too much.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

“Why were you in the parking house to begin with?”

“I was going to go look for you because you weren’t picking up when I called.”

You caught his shy smile before the elevator dinged and the doors opened again.

To your surprise Jimin was standing right outside, waiting for the elevator.

“There you are, I was wondering why you were in such a rush. You always say hello when you walk past my office so I got worried…” He confessed with a relieved giggle, ignoring Taehyung.

“oh, no I was just looking for Taehyung, but I found him.”

“Mr. Kim.” Jimin greeted him.

“I’ll wait for you in the office.” Taehyung said and then left the two of you by the elevator without greeting Jimin back and walked away.

You looked surprised as your eyes followed him until he disappeared around the corner.

Jimin sighed.

“I don’t get it, he was being really sweet just now…”

“Him? Sweet? That guy is so cold I bet his own family has to turn up the heating in their house when he visits.”

“I’m sorry about him.” You sighed. “and I’m sorry I didn’t say hi, I was too distracted.”

“It’s ok, you can always say hi now and grab a coffee with me after work like you promised.”

Another thing you had forgotten…

You felt bad. The last thing you wanted was for Jimin to feel neglected by you.

“Yes, after work. I’ll wait for you, I promise.”

“Good, it’ll be my motivation for the day.” He smiled sweetly.

“Now go look after that guy, he’s probably waiting.” He teased, nodding in the direction of Taehyung’s office.

You shook your head with a smile and playfully nudged Jimin’s arm as you walked past him.

--

The chair was pushed back from the desk and Taehyung was leaning back against it with his foot resting on his knee and his arms crossed over his chest when you entered.

“I was wondering how long you’d let me wait.” He said in a cold tone.

“May I remind you that you were late?”

He wasn’t having anything of the joke.

“Let’s just get to work.” He sighed frustratingly and put his foot back down on the floor.

You grabbed his calendar off your desk and opened it to the day.

“No meetings, but you’re invited to the formal dinner at the grand this evening for the opening of the new hotel and you’ve already rsvp’s that you are attending.” You said and closed the calendar with a light thud.

“Plus one.” He added, looking down at his desk.

“Who did you invite with you?” You asked and opened his calendar again, grabbing a pen off your desk and clicking it to write it down.

“You?” He said, giving you a questionable look with a rise of an eyebrow.

The dinner was out of “office hours” for you, not that Taehyung cared, but you knew for sure that he hadn’t asked you to join him. Maybe this was one of those things he still expected you to assume but why would you invite yourself as his company to a formal dinner? Wouldn’t it seem very pushy?

You couldn’t break your promise to Jimin.

The dinner would be quite early but maybe you could cut the coffee short and hope that Jimin would understand and hopefully make it back home in between to change and get ready and then hurry to the hotel…

“Why aren’t you writing?” Taehyung suddenly interrupted your thoughts.

You clicked the pen again and put it back down with the calendar.

“We can watch the movie after work and still make it on time.”

The movie…

Stress tapped your shoulder. “Jimin or Taehyung?” It asked in a teasing voice.

“Maybe it’s better if we watch the movie tomorrow instead, so we won’t have to stress?”

“But tomorrow is Saturday, there’s no work.”

“Well the point was that we’d go as friends, so it would make more sense if we went on a Saturday.” You hoped he’d agree, it would make your suggestion seem smooth rather than you wanting to cancel something you had used to cheer him up only to then pick Jimin… but you promised Jimin first and you hadn’t even had the chance to tell him the full story of the trip yet…

“Ok.” He said with a hint of ignorance, looking down at his hands.

“Great! Then I’ll book it right away!” you said, a bit too eagerly and took a seat by your desk.

Behind you Taehyung’s cold façade broke into a shy smile at your eagerness but he collected himself in time for you not to notice.

--

You looked towards the clock for the fourth time and for each check it seemed to go slower and slower. Your brain was set to time management so detailed you were planning minutes. You hadn’t even thought of what to wear with being on time being the only thing running through your mind. You had to find a smooth excuse to leave Jimin early and you didn’t want to tell him it was because of Taehyung. The reason being not to worry him but also because you could tell how Jimin disliked him… Whenever you and Jimin would hang out you’d be generous with your time and hang out till late and grab something to eat at a convenience store, the usual.

Maybe an early morning meeting would be a good excuse? Suddenly feeling sick? Being tired? A sudden emergency? But he would probably insist to go with you if there was an emergency…

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung suddenly asked, looking over at you with a serious expression.

“Huh?”

“You look troubled.”

“No, I’m fine.” You lied, waving it off with your hand.

“Are you sure?”

You looked over at the clock again.

Ten more minutes and you could leave… and make sure to leave fast, before Taehyung.

“I’m sure.” You said, avoiding looking at him.

“You can tell me too…” He mumbled.

“What did you say?” Your eyes meet his.

“I mean… you can talk to me if something burdens you.”

Taehyung broke the eye contact almost immediately, shifting focus to his hands.

Whatever his intentions were, the atmosphere resembled the one in the hotel room after your fight more and more… there was tension.

His mood had remained cold and distant ever since you got out of the elevator earlier that day.

“I appreciate that.” You smiled, knowing that Taehyung would probably be the last person you’d share your burdens with…

The clock finally struck even and you gathered your things and your coat as fast as you could and rushed out of Taehyung’s office without saying farewell.

Jimin smiled brightly when he saw you run into his office but was quickly caught off guard when your grabbed his coat and his wrist.

“Hurry hurry!”

“Woah, why are we in such a rush?”

You clicked the elevator button and threw a glance over your shoulder. No Taehyung yet… he was always slow to gather together his things.

The familiar ding went off and you quickly stepped inside, hit the ground floor button and the doors closed.

Jimin looked weirdly at you.

“What was that?” He chuckled.

“I… I want the good table.”

“Of course.” He nodded.

You and Jimin had a favorite place in common that wasn’t too far from the office building. Before you became Taehyung’s secretary you would often have lunch there and it was the go to place for take away beverages for almost everyone at the office. To put it simply, the place was popular and you even had a stamp card. Two more stamps and you’d get a free drink!

Once you stepped inside and out of the rain you could relax.

It wasn’t as crowded as usual and you walked over to your favorite spot by the window and called dibs by placing your coat on the chair.

“I ordered for you.” Jimin smiled as you joined him by the counter.

“You stole my stamp?” You asked, acting offended and earning a teasing expression from Jimin as he stuck his tongue out.

“That’s what you get for letting me wait so long, it feels weird to go here without you so I’ve been deprived since you went to Portugal.”

He knew how to make you flustered…

The barista called out your order and you took your drinks and finally had a seat.

The café had large glass walls towards the street and multiple large green plants throughout the space. No chair was like the other and the walls were decorated with various posters, post-its and polaroid photos.

The typical Instagram café.

Soft music was playing and to complete the atmosphere fairy lights were hung from the large windows.

“Update me on everything.” Jimin ordered and blew gently at his warm drink.

“Where do I start?”

“Is he driving you crazy?” He joked.

In what way?

“To be honest I have a hard time making up my mind what I think…”

“Really?” Jimin looked surprised and intrigued.

“He keeps shifting from sweet and shy to cold and distant. It’s like he’s an innocent boy who doesn’t know how to speak with people and then he’s suddenly…”

“A bitch?”

“Jimin!”

You both laughed.

--

Today was one of those days…

The world felt foggy and the future uncertain.

Was it time for an existential crisis or was it the weather making him gloomy?

The rain pattered against the navy blue umbrella above him.

Everything felt… exhausting.

Despite the rain he wanted to walk and take the bus, leaving his car behind. He could take it back home another day, or have you drive it back for him… whatever.

He sighed.

“I need to clear my mind…”

“She’s so complicated… I want to understand but she-… she won’t let me in.”

“Does she like that guy?”

“Is she even noticing me?”

“Maybe I’m trying too hard… or not enough?”

He interrupted his internal conversation by stopping outside of a bookstore.

He closed his umbrella and stepped inside to have a look.

On a table in the center of the small store a few recommended books were displayed and Taehyung curiously walked over to it. A book with a simple cover caught his attention and he picked it up and turned it over to read the back.

/ How to speak to attract. /

“Good evening, can I help you with anything?” the worker of the store suddenly asked with a wide smile.

“I’d like to buy this.”

--

“Then what happened?”

“I just stood up and left.”

“You left him at the restaurant?” Jimin looked surprised but pleased, as if your action had given him some sort of guilty pleasure…

“I had really short temperament that day… he picked the wrong day to be like that.”

“So what happened after that?” He asked, urging you to tell more yet again.

You took a sip of your drink, reconsidering again whether you should tell Jimin about what happened in the hotel room or avoid it… You hadn’t fully processed It yourself yet and dismissed it to the very back of your head ever since.

“Nothing… I went to bed when I got back to the hotel and then we went to the convention the next day again and it was like it had never happened.”

“So he just let you go?”

You nodded.

“Maybe it was the best that way, imagine if he would’ve run after you.” Jimin chuckled.

You felt a cold sensation go down your spine and forced a chuckle.

Jimin then changed the subject to your relief, but the uneasy feeling in your spine still lingered.

--

Would the rain ever calm down?

He held the bag with the newly purchased book in it in his left hand and the umbrella in his other as he walked down the street from the book shop.

On the other side of the street was the café he had heard a lot about…

“Maybe I should get a caramel latte… to cheer myself up.” He thought but decided against it.

He headed back towards the office building to take his car back home so he could get ready for the event.

But out of curiosity he looked towards the café from across the street, but immediately regretted it.

“Why is she sitting there… with him?”

The familiar rush of jealousy washed over him for the second time today.

The reason he had to dislike him only grew stronger…

“She just left before… was it because of him?”

“Are they on a date?”

“Why him?”

“I can be better than him…”

His hand grabbed the bag tighter and he increased his walking pace.

“I’ll make her mine…”

“I’ll try harder, I’ll be better… I’ll do whatever it takes for her fall in love with me.”

“She’s can’t have my heart and his too…”

--

“-It’s early and I’m still not sleeping quite right since the trip…”

“But tomorrow is Saturday?”

“It’s an emergency meeting, that’s why.” You sighed.

Jimin shook his head in disapproval.

“It’s ok, I understand but he better be paying you extra for this or I won’t be afraid to give my opinion. Fire me if he wants but if he’s going to exhaust you like this someone needs to step in and if you’re not going to do it then I will.”

“Don’t worry Jimin, it’s just now. It’ll calm down soon.” You hoped…

“If you don’t plan to rest on Sunday, I don’t have any plans so call me if you get bored.”  He pouted.

“I will!” You smiled and stood up from your chair.

It went almost half an hour over your tight schedule but you couldn’t just interrupt Jimin and leave in the middle of his sentence and he had a lot to catch you up on. You would’ve loved to sit there with him until the café closed but you couldn’t…

Every red light made you grip the steering wheel tight in frustration and you drove over the speed limit in a pointless attempt to gain some more time.

When you finally made it home you ran up the stairs, breaking a sweat and breathing heavily as you fumbled with your keys.

There was no time to look at the clock and you knew it would stress you out even more if you did. You walked right into the bathroom with your coat and shoes still on and got undressed and took what felt like the fastest shower anyone in the world had probably taken.

After a touch up of your makeup and hair you rushed into your bedroom in time for the next obstacle… clothes.

Formal dinner?

Fancy dress or just put together?

Your mind was buzzing as you looked through your options and didn’t notice your phone ringing in your bag that was still in the hallway.

The dress you had in mind… was in the laundry basket.

You cursed and grabbed the only option you had, a dark red dress but low cut…

Grabbing whatever undergarment you first spotted you then pulled the dress over your head and walked over to your mirror.

It was too low cut for a formal dinner…but you had no option besides a safety pin and praying it would pass un-noticed.

You accidently pricked your finger, but not enough for it to bleed while trying to pin the fabric together in a way that would conceal the pin.

At this moment you finally noticed your phone going off and ran out of your room.

Three missed calls from Taehyung.

But there was still time!

You quickly called him back and ran back into your room to grab your accessories and heels.

“Hello?” you asked once the tone stopped.

“Why didn’t you pick up? I’ve called you three times.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t hear the phone, I was busy getting ready.”

“I only called to ask if you wanted a ride…” his voice had that distant familiar tone again, making it sound like he didn’t care or was forced to offer you a ride. Was he trying to be cool again?

“Yes please! That would be great!” Then you could finally calm down a little.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He hung up without a farewell.

Taehyung was a life saver for once.

You took a deep breath and put your phone down on your bed. You gathered yourself together and put on your accessories but struggled with your bracelet. After a short while you gave out a frustrated sigh and shoved it in your bag instead. You’d just ask Taehyung to help you put it on later… Before rushing out the door you grabbed your nicer black coat and hurried out to Taehyung’s car that was waiting outside.

“You’re late.”

Only five minutes…

You gave him a short sorry and took a seat in the car, closing the door with a bold thud.

Taehyung was dressed in a dark grey suit, clearly designer with small detailed swirls that shimmered and under it he wore a plain white shirt with similar swirls but black decorating the tips of the collar.

You recognized the shirt almost immediately… he got it during your shopping trip in Portugal…

Distracted by the details of his suit you didn’t notice that you were staring until Taehyung stopped for a red light and looked over at you.

He gave you a look that was hard to see through. He raised a brow and returned his attention to the road.

The journey continued in silence.

The exterior of the hotel was decorated with extravagant flower arrangements and a red carpet leading up the stairs to the entrance. People were still entering when you drove past which was a relief. You had officially made it on time.

Maybe you underestimated your time management skills?

Taehyung parked the car in the parking level beneath the hotel and you carefully stepped out in the dimly lit space. It was almost full but no people were around.

The fit between the cars was tight and you carefully back out sideways to not stain your coat. Taehyung accidently slammed the door, making it echo throughout the level and as a result he made a cute “ops” expression that made you giggle. Unfortunately his serious expression immediately returned and he confidently walked up to you.

“Stay still or you’ll get pricked.” He said and reached out with his hands.

Before you had the chance to react he grabbed the fabric of your dress.

“Your safety pin is undone.”

A warm tingle spread across you face. He noticed before you had even made it to the event?! Maybe for the best, if you would’ve lost the pin there wouldn’t be a point of return… But did he have to fix it for you?

“Just tell me if it comes undone again and I’ll fix it.”

Why was he making you feel so flustered?

“Can you help me with my bracelet too?” you asked shyly, avoiding his eyes.

“Of course I can.” He smiled warmly.

Whenever he smiled it would get worse… Your heart was beating hard and you were afraid he would notice… If he always smiled like this and was this sweet, he would be an absolute heartthrob! But he seemed to constantly go back and forth between the two…

You handed him the bracelet and your fingers touched lightly, making the butterflies in your stomach you were unaware of suddenly become known. You held out your wrist and he secured the bracelet with ease.

“Thank you.” You said shyly, the words almost coming out as a whisper.

“You look beautiful.”

“T-thank you.”

Please stop…

“Let’s go.” He said confidently and held out his arm for you to grab.

Was that really necessary? You thought, but held on to him anyway as you walked towards the elevator.

It felt nice…

Once you registered and entered the grand hall where the even took place in the hotel you noticed how well-dressed everyone were. You really needed to buy new formal wear if more events like these would arise. But the heart-warming comment Taehyung gave you made you feel confident. You were dressed well, but the known presence of the safety pin was the source of your need to get an actual formal dress.

You took a seat at your assigned table and as his plus one you were of course placed next to Taehyung. You began to small talk with the other people seated around the table, none of which you knew but they seemed fairly acquitted to Taehyung.

The dinner consisted of a four course meal with speeches held by the ceo of the hotel in between. At the very end, before desert was served they cut the ceremonial ribbon to mark the opening and the dinner transformed into a mingle with more upbeat live music being performed.

Taehyung kept close to you the entire evening.

The darkness of the night had fallen over the city and the event was still at its peak despite haven gone on for so long.

“Do you want to leave?” Taehyung suddenly asked, leaning closer so you’d hear him over the music.

“Do you?”

“I’m asking you.”

“It feels like we’ve talked to practically everyone.”

“Then let’s go.” Taehyung suddenly grabbed your wrist and you left the grand hall, heading back towards the elevator.

--

“Where do you want to go?” Taehyung asked as you stepped out of the elevator.

“I thought we were going home…”

“It’s still early.” He sounded disappointed.

“Then let’s go to the harbor, it’s nice at night.” You suggested.

Taehyung responded with a wide smile and opened the door to the driver’s seat. A short while later he had reversed the car out of its spot and you left the hotel.

The radio was playing a song on low volume, a summer vibe edm song… but not the aggressively upbeat type but the more chill type of edm.

You suddenly felt a sharp prick at your breast and looked down to see that the safety pin had come undone again. You sighed and removed it; you weren’t at the event anymore so there was no reason for you to have it. You placed the pin in your bag and readjusted the fabric slightly, unknowingly distracting Taehyung.

The drive to the harbor wasn’t far and you made it there right as the song ended.

Luckily the heavy rain from earlier had come to an end but the ground was covered in puddles.

“Do you want something from the convenience store?” Taehyung asked and pointed towards the 7/11 across the street one you stepped out.

“Maybe an ice coffee.” You said in a voice full of thought.

“Maybe an ice coffee.” He repeated and chuckled. “Wait here.”

With that he quickly looked sideways and crossed the street.

You followed him with your gaze as he crossed before you walked over to the bench nearby to sit.

Next to it was a street light giving you a dim source of light as well as the reflection of the bright lit buildings across the river. Small waves of wind were moving across the surface of the water and you pulled your coat tighter.

It didn’t take long until Taehyung returned with an ice coffee and a coke for himself.

“Maybe ice coffee.” Taehyung presented as he handed you your drink.

You couldn’t help but giggle and thanked him. You needed an ice coffee more than anything as your energy was running low…

You both looked at the view in silence for a short while.

For some reason you couldn’t explain, your mind went back to the hotel room in Portugal and the… whatever was about to happen… You didn’t dare say the word.

It was in the heat of the moment… despite the emotions being completely on the other side of the spectrum…

“Have I kept my promise?” Taehyung suddenly asked, interrupting the silence.

Had he been thinking about the same thing?

“Which promise?” You asked to be sure

“Do you still want to quit?” His voice was more clear and he turned to face you, but his eyes were still too shy to look.

“No.”

“Good.” He smiled shyly and played with the bottle in his hand.

“I like the side of you that smiles often more.” You confessed and took a sip of your ice coffee.

He looked at you.

“Then I’ll smile for you more often.”

Your heart started beating like before again.

“Will you smile for me more too?” He continued.

Your eyes finally meet and his cheeks had a pink tint matching your own.

Had his lips always looked that soft and inviting?

You took another sip from your straw to distract yourself from the thought but Taehyung’s eyes were still glued on you.

The familiar magnetic tension was getting stronger.

It was hard to be in control of yourself, your mind wanted one thing but your heart desired something else and it was getting the upper hand.

Were you… no! No, of course you didn’t have feelings for him. He was your boss! A simple attraction may it be, he looked good, but nothing else! You tried to convince yourself.

“Can I try your ice coffee?”

Before thinking you handed him your drink and he took a sip from the straw.

This… This wasn’t normal.

Was this an indirect kiss? Would he be offended if you threw the straw away now? He handed you back the drink and you avoided his eyes as you took a sip for yourself.

Your heartbeat was probably visible through your chest based on how hard it was beating at this point.

Were your hands getting sweaty?

Was he looking at you?

You didn’t dare check if he was…

“Sometimes when I’m alone, my imagination takes me on trips. Yesterday it took me through a dramatic love story and it ended like an action movie… do you ever have these trips?” Taehyung asked.

“You mean daydreams?”

“Sort of, but you completely space out for a moment and it feels like a movie in your head, It’s probably a daydream but I feel like it’s wrong to call is such because it’s a lot more intense.”

Taehyung looked out towards the water.

“I get what you mean… but don’t you think they’re fueled by wishes and desires? If it’s a full length movie then maybe it’s something you wish to happen in life? Maybe you crave action?”

He chuckled, his laugh sounding more like honey than ever before.

“The action in this one felt like a badly edited movie with too many cars exploding.”

“What else happened?”

“I was the hero, so I saved the person I like.”

“Who?” The question slipped before you could stop it.

“She didn’t have a face.” He said, looking down.

“Do you have anyone you’re interested in?”

“Maybe ice coffee.”

“Do you want what’s left?” You asked and laughed at his response.

He shook his head with a bittersweet smile.

“It’s ok, you finish it.”

Another moment of brief silence took over as you finished what was left of your drink and accidently making a slurp sound.

“Do you have anyone you’re interested in?”

The reversed question almost made you choke on the last sip and you let out a soft cough.

“No.” You said awkwardly, not noticing that Taehyung had successfully avoided the question.

“Really? Nobody?”

Why did he sound so hopeful?

“No… nobody…”

--

 The days went on as per usual…

Some were sunny, some were rainy.

Some days had you being all over the place, and others had you busy in the office.

But they went by and each day you looked forward to it to come to an end only to arrive the next morning… but not for work necessarily…

Starting a few days after the hotel opening you had been receiving notes…

You didn’t know who sent them, but each morning there was a new one waiting for you on your desk.

A tiny colorful, folded piece of paper…

On some days you got two and it would appear during the time you spent out of the office.

“You look cute today.”

“I had a dream about you last night…”

“I wish you would look at me.”

“I like you, do you like me?”

They were never signed and you didn’t recognize the writing, maybe it was an intentional move or it was harder to tell than you thought.

When you arrived to the office this morning, Taehyung was already there.

On your desk was a pink folded piece of paper waiting.

“If I asked you out, would you say yes?”

You smiled shyly and shoved it into your bag before taking your coat off.

“What did it say?” Taehyung asked, sounding fake interested.

“Nothing.” You smiled and hung up your coat.

“You always say that but your smile says something else.” He mumbled and flipped through a pile of papers on his desk.

You shook your shoulders and grabbed his calendar out of your bag.

“Are you jealous?” you teased.

“Who? Me?!” He forced a laugh. “Why would I be jealous of getting cheesy notes?”

“How do you know they’re cheesy?”

He froze.

“Have you been peaking at the notes!?”

“I was going to clean your desk and I just checked to make sure in case it wasn’t trash…”

“Why would you clean my desk?”

“Can I not perform a nice gesture towards my secretary without getting judged?”

You sighed.

“It’s not a big deal… forget it.”

He was acting weird again…

“We have a meeting at the children’s hospital again this afternoon and I picked up your delivery on my way here.” You presented and closed his calendar. You handed him a small parcel out of your bag and he mumbled a thanks.

“What did you order? I don’t recognize the sender’s name.” You asked casually.

“I ran out of paper…”

“Oh, but there’s plenty of paper in the supply storage, you can always grab some from there.”

“I know, but these are different.” He explained while tearing open the packaging.

“Oh well, do you want something to drink?”

“Tea.”

You smiled and headed towards the door.

“Get some for yourself too.” He mumbled.

You’d think you would’ve gotten used to this weird switching behavior by now but his reactions and words were still unpredictable…

You walked down the hall to the small office kitchen to prepare some tea. You hoped it would be empty but to your disappointment it wasn’t… But your disappointment quickly turned into relief when you noticed it was Jimin standing with his back turned against you inside.

“Jimin!” You sang cheerfully as you entered, making him startled from your sudden appearance.

“You made me jump!”  He laughed.

Seeing Jimin in the office was probably what kept you sane these days.

“Did you sleep well?” you asked and took a spot next to him to prepare the tea.

“Better than usual, but not good enough.” He sighed.

“Nightmare?”

“No, I think there’s just a lot going on in my head and stress… It should be over soon I think.”

“I hope so, It isn’t good that you can’t sleep. You worry me.”

“You shouldn’t worry, maybe that’s why I can’t sleep.”

You nudged him playfully and you both let out a chuckle.

“Is he bothering you? Is that why you’re here suddenly?” Jimin leaned in closer and whispered.

“No, not this time.” You grabbed the tea you knew Taehyung liked and your own favorite and placed them in a mug each.

“If he isn’t making you work overtime again, should we go out for coffee again? It’s been long.”

“Long? We went to the café yesterday”

“Yes, that is long.” Jimin grabbed his mug and leaned back against the counter.

“I should be free after the meeting at the hospital, so after then?”

“Sounds good, is it the children’s hospital? Should I meet you there?”

“I think we’ll head back to the office after so there’s no need for you to go there, you can wait for me here instead.” You smiled.

“Cool! I’ll see you then.” He smiled his usual soft smile and left the kitchen.

You grabbed the water boiler and filled up the mugs when you suddenly came to a halt.

… go… out?

Go out?

“If I asked you out, would you say yes?”

GO OUT!?

Had Jimin been writing the notes?

--

You carefully pushed the door to Taehyung’s office open with one mug in each hand.

“Ah why didn’t you knock!” He called out and you heard the sound of him opening and closing a drawer.

“I had my hands full…”

You carefully placed a mug down on his desk.

“That’s right I… sorry. You startled me that’s all.”

“Why is everyone so on edge today? First I startle Jimin and now you…”

“Jimin?”

The name had a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Yeah, I meet him in the ki-“

You were cut off by your eyes spotting the new note on your desk.

“Was he by a chance, in here?” You turned to Taehyung.

“No?”

You placed your mug down on your desk and grabbed the note.

“Your outfit is especially pretty today <3”

“Oh, peppermint?”

You turned back to Taehyung who had taken a sip of the tea.

“Oh, no sorry that’s mine!”

“It’s ok, I like it.”

Something wasn’t right…

“Taehyung did anyone go in here while I was gone?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Because there’s a note on my desk.”

“Wasn’t it there before?”

“This is new.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure!”

“Taehyung please tell me who left it. Was it Jimi-“

“Why do you think it was Jimin?”

“Because he asked me out for coffee and the note before said…”

“If I ask you out, would you say yes?”

“Yes and he just did and I-“

“Nobody was in here.” Taehyung said in a strict tone.

“Did they tell you not to tell?”

“Nobody was here! The note was there before and you didn’t notice!”

“I know it wasn’t, this isn’t funny Taehyung. Tell me who left it.”

“It wasn’t Jimin.”

“Then who?”

Taehyung leaned back on his chair with a sigh.

You walked the few steps over to his desk and placed your mug down.

“I’ll get a new mug…” You sighed and grabbed the peppermint tea.

There was no use…

You’d ask Jimin yourself later… if it wasn’t him, then maybe he knew who.

“You can have mine, its ok.” His voice sounded softer than usual, maybe you were visibly upset?

“I want peppermint…”

You avoided his eyes.

On the floor by the side of his desk was a trashcan… nothing special unless the scrunched pieces of colorful paper in it hadn’t caught your attention…

Taehyung was about to stop your hand but instead of grabbing the tea you reached for one of the scrunched up notes and unfolded it.

Taehyung leaned forward, watching you with a weird and slightly panicked expression as you unfolded the note.

It was too late to stop you.

The note had the same writing as the previous one but it was crossed out… as if the writer hadn’t been pleased with it and… made a new one… a bunch of new ones…

His hands were fidgeting frantically and he looked down, biting his lip.

  “Taehyung did you…”

  “… did you write these?”

  “Is there anything left I can say to make you think it’s not?”

His face was red.

His heart must be beating so fast…

“… no.”

He didn’t know what to say…

 He opened one of the drawers and grabbed a fist full of folded notes and scattered them across his desk followed by a light thud of the new booklet of colorful paper landing on the wooden surface.

With a hesitant hand you grabbed one of the notes.

“Whenever I see you, my heart aches…”

One by one you picked them up and Taehyung didn’t dare look up and still faced down.

“I want you to be mine, so bad...”

“You stole my heart… what do I have to do to steal yours too?”

“I think about you when I feel lonely… wishing you were with me”

For every note your heart rate increased…

All the notes… they were Taehyung?

He gathered the courage to finally look up and saw your blushing face reading the last note. He grabbed a pen from his pen stand and grabbed the booklet of paper and scribbled something down. He tore the paper out of the booklet and placed it in front of you.

“I feel too vulnerable to speak…”

Your eyes finally meet and he looked up at you with wide eyes that spoke for how anxious he felt… You thought you saw his lip tremble for a mere second but your own body felt frozen.

You didn’t know how to react…

Taehyung pushed his chair back and stood up without breaking the eye contact.

Your breathing felt uneasy.

He leaned over the desk. It all seemed to happen so slowly but in reality it happened so fast…

His strong hands grabbed the collar of your blouse and pulled you towards him.

Barely a second later his soft lips crashed against yours in a desperate kiss.

His right hand let go of your collar and found the side of your face as he tilted his head to the side, intensifying the kiss.

Caught by surprise you grabbed on to his shoulders for support. He moved around the desk and backed you against the nearest wall in the office. His other hand let go of your collar and moved to your waist as your back hit the wall.

“T- Taehyung.” You mumbled between the kiss.

“Don’t say anything.” He panted.

His lips returned to yours and before you could react his tongue slid between your lips and the kiss grew even deeper and more intense.

Relaxing, you finally softened your tight grip of his shoulders and slid your hand up into his soft hair, tangling your fingers in his luscious locks and pulling his face even closer.

His lips tasted like sweet poison and his touch was lethal…

You gave up any restraints you had on your suppressed feelings… letting him have his way with you, and you have your way with him… a desire you had worked so hard to suppress and he destroyed it all so easily…

After what felt like forever your lips finally parted with you staring at each other with heavy breathes.

 “Why didn’t you tell me to stop?”

 “I didn’t want you to…”

 He brushed the tip of his nose against yours, still keeping you pinned against the wall.

 “We… we should probably head to the meeting now…” You stuttered.

Taehyung looked down between you before reluctantly backing away.

“We should…” He pulled a hand through his hair and went to grab your bag.

“I’ll carry your bag.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

He hung it over his shoulder so the bag was in front of him…

“I do.”

“No, no.” You walked over to him and grabbed the strap but he stopped you by grabbing your wrist.

“Honey, I’m rock hard and if you don’t want everyone in the office to see, then let me carry your bag.”

You let go.

Honey…?

 “Wait.”

 You grabbed the notes from Taehyung’s desk and put them in your bag.

He smiled shyly.

You went to put on your coat when Taehyung grabbed the booklet of paper again behind you and began to scribble.

You heard him tear the paper out and when you turned around he handed it to you with a shy grin and then grabbed his coat.

“Let’s go.”

--

The tension from earlier was even worse.

To think it would be gone was a big mistake.

You knew what you could have but were too shy to claim it…

You hurried down the corridor towards the elevator.

The short time you had to wait for it to arrive, you exchanged looks.

The lust in his eyes revealed that you had the same thought and hope for whenever the elevator doors would close.

It was too early to call it quits when you had just started…

The elevator arrived and you stepped in, revealed that it was empty.

Taehyung quickly pressed the button for the garage level and the doors slowly closed.

The second the spring became too small to see between you turned to him and he took a step closer to you and your lips instantly found each other again. His large hand caressed the side of your face and pulled him closer by the coat.

You didn’t want it to end, almost hoping that the elevator would get stuck only to let you devour each other with all the passion and energy you had left.

The elevator dinged, indicating that it had reached the level of destination and you reluctantly pulled apart, the sound of your heavy breathing echoing before the doors opened.

You couldn’t tell Jimin about this.

--

 Was it a dream?

  You sat up straight in bed and rubbed your hand against your forehead. Your mind felt foggy, the dream was so seemingly real it almost terrified you.

Your alarm wasn’t set to ring for another five minutes but you were wide awake at this point.

 You had to check…

 You got out of bed and found your bag leaning against the wall in the hallway.

What were you hoping for?

 You opened the bag and your heart dropped.

It was full of the colorful notes.

On the top was the last note he gave you in the office before you had to leave…

“I wish we could continue and knock over everything on my desk…”

Your face was burning and you shoved it back into your bag as if to hide it from anyone to see despite being home alone in your own apartment.

 The meeting at the hospital hadn’t lasted long and you were too flustered to even say goodbye to him once you returned to the office. All you had on your mind was finding Jimin so he could distract you from the realization of what had happened a few hours earlier… but you didn’t tell him anything.

But of course he noticed something was wrong and being Jimin, he wasn’t one to not confront his concerns about the people in his life.

“I’m just a little overwhelmed from the meeting, there was a lot going on and I felt unprepared.” You lied, sweeping the initial issue under the matt.

 As you got ready your mind was slowly making you more and more anxious about seeing Taehyung again but you tried to brush it off. But getting your mind off Taehyung was merely impossible and before you knew it, it was time to leave

 The walk from the elevator to his office felt stiff… should you knock? Ignore him? Stay formal?

What if he was waiting for you…

What if he had ideas…

Maybe he was regretting it?

You took a deep breath and knocked gently at the door, light enough for it to barely make any sound and entered.

 Taehyung was already sitting behind his desk in a phone call.

He was wearing grey fitted slack and a white shirt with the very top buttons left unbuttoned, exposing the top of his chest ever so slightly.

Your eyes lingered, eyeing him from top to bottom before realizing and diverting your gaze, embarrassed.

You were glad he was on the phone so you wouldn’t have to say anything for now.

You placed your bag on your desk and took off your coat before having a seat and starting up your computer.

You could feel his gaze burning t your neck but you didn’t dare to check if you were imagining it or he was actually looking at you…

You swallowed your nervousness.

“Ok, good. I have to cut it short, I have something to attend to that just showed up, it’s urgent.”

You heard the sound of his chair being pushed back and your body tensed.

“Send me the files and I’ll have them back and ready later today.”

He was getting closer…

Your ears still acted for your eyes until you felt a sudden shadow by your side.

You glanced over as Taehyung walked around your desk and took a seat against it, right by your side.

“Bye.”

He placed his phone down next to him, right by your computer.

 “If I knew you were about to arrive I wouldn’t have taken the call, I’m sorry.”

You looked up at the man seated against your desk and his big dark eyes met with yours.

Did he have to be so close?

Your heart was uneasy…

“What are we doing today?” He asked, tilting his head to the side and seemingly leaning even closer towards you.

You reached into your bag and grabbed his calendar, opening it flat in front of you and began to read from the square of the day. But you were interrupted mid-sentence by the feeling of two fingers beneath your chin.

Your face was tilted up and you looked at Taehyung who was staring at you with a sweet smile.

“Look at me when you’re talking to me.”

His fingers slipped from your chin and you felt your temperature drastically rise again.

“I know you know what’s on queue for today without looking at the calendar.” He said. His tone was soft but no matter how soft he still made you feel intimidated.

He took the calendar from you and placed it on his lap.

“You’re so quiet today…” He gave you a pout, stood back up and returned to his desk, leaving his calendar behind.

 This was going to be a long day…

 You distracted yourself by taking as long as you could to respond to all your emails, forcing concentration to get you mind off the man sitting just a few meters away from you.

But of course it was easier said than done…

You stole a glance and the glance quickly turned into a look as you caught him leaning against his hand looking over at you while lazily trailing his lips with the pen he was holding. The move wasn’t controversial; it just made his lower lip appear even plumper as the pen dragged against it… His soft lips…

You were reminded of the taste and quickly looked away and down, a move too obvious as you heard him let out a low chuckle.

Maybe… you should quit…

“I need you to book a flight and hotel for next week…” He suddenly spoke.

“I’m invited another convention.” He continued.

“Where?”

He waved you towards him and you got up and walked over to what you assumed was to look at his computer screen but a brief second later you were caught off guard as his arms wrapped around you and pulled you down onto his lap.

“Here, look at this.”

Your heart would probably give up on you soon.

“It’s three days and there will be a lot of exhibitions.”

“It’s a fashion convention?” You questioned.

The company had nothing to do with the fashion industry that you were aware of…

“I know, wouldn’t it be fun?”

“Is it really for business?”

“I was invited, so I guess in a marketing way it could be. Either way I want you to come with me… but not as my secre-”

A knock on the door suddenly interrupted you and you almost lost your balance trying to get up from Taehyung’s lap as the door opened.

“Mr. Kim, the report you requested is done.” A familiar face said and placed a thin pile of papers on Taehyung’s desk.

“Thank you and next time, please wait for me to respond before you enter.”

“I- I’m sorry.”

You hadn’t spoken to that colleague a lot but you recognized him. He quickly left the room and Taehyung stood up and walked after him, locking the door as it shut behind him.

“The only person who can enter as they please is me and you.”

He sounded annoyed.

But it was understandable…

“Will you go with me?” He asked as he turned around.

“To the convention?”

“Calling it convention was wrong of me, its fashion week but yes.”

He looked serious with his hands in his pockets.

Fashion week?

“I’d love to.”

“But you’re off duty while were there.”

“Didn’t you say it was for business?”

“I said somewhat, I want to be there with you as you, not as my secretary. I want to do things right this time.”

Right? What thing? What was he talking about?

“You can’t lie to me.” He took a step closer and the atmosphere felt tense.

“I know you felt what I felt that night in Portugal.” He continued.

“You knew what we were about to do.” He got even closer, now standing right in front of you.

“We were like this.” He placed his hand beneath your chin, tilting your face back again and leaning in close.

“You know what we were so close to doing… I was dying inside.”

“Taehyung…”

“Sssh.”

His eyes were on your lips.

It felt like you were losing your balance.

Your hands found his waist and lightly held on to the fabric of his clothes in a useless attempt to have him not notice…

 “You don’t know how long my heart has been aching for you…”

  He dragged his thumb across your lower lip.

 “… please…” He whispered, pressing his forehead against yours.

  “Kiss me.”

 Your heart beat was uneasy to say the least.

If you’ve ever been in a position where a choice has felt heavy, heavier than it should as if the choice you made would determine a choice between two paths of fate, then you would recognize the feeling you had in this moment… But you felt drawn to him.

Drawn to him in ways you couldn’t explain… Excitement? Genuine feelings?

Your mind briefly went back to the day after the event at the hotel.

The two of you had gone to the cinema as promised.

It had gone well and you both had fun just like any platonic outing, but your mind kept thinking more and more of scenarios you had suppressed. Wishful thinking? You denied it.

Scenarios of hand holding, the typical two hands in the popcorn rom-com scenario and even sneaking out to-

You returned to the now.

Taehyung eyes reflected vulnerability.

His face was so beautiful…

His mind…

Fuck whatever people had said about him, fuck it, fuck all of it.

Your heart was screaming for you to do something to make the pain and aching stop.

You moved your hand to the side of his neck and before Taehyung had a chance to hope for what would happen, your lips took his breath away.

His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you tighter against him as he tilted his head to the side to make the kiss even more passionate.

The sweet taste of his lips, the addicting feeling… your desires were all being fulfilled.

His hand fell from your chin and caressed your forearm.

You were burning up inside.

The flames you had tried to kill all burst up in a vivid fire, setting your emotions and feelings free and spiraling wildly within.

Once your lips parted you were both breathing heavy.

Taehyung leaned in by your side, his lips right by your ear.

“Do you want to continue?” He whispered and placed a soft peck beneath your ear.

“In what way?” You replied in a faint whisper.

Taehyung leaned back and grabbed your shirt at the center, right by your breast and tugged at it lightly. He gave you a suggestive innocent look and bit his lip.

“Have you never imagined doing it in an office?”

Of course you had…

But never had you pictured it to be with him…

He gave you a second suggestive look, eyeing his hands and your eyes as if to ask for permission.

You felt flustered and it was hard to conceal your smile as a result so you gave him a soft nod.

He backed you the few steps against his desk so the back of your thighs touched the edge of his desk and before you knew it his strong hands pulled your shirt apart, exposing your skin and your bra. Despite knowing what he was hinting on doing it caught you by surprise and gesture didn’t help in making you less turned on.

His lips crashed against your and his hands tangled in your hair, forcing you to place your hands against his desk for support of your balance.

It didn’t take long for his eager hands to instead move down your body and wrap around your waist beneath your shirt and grabbing you tightly.

His tongue swirled around yours, claiming whatever he could of your mouth passionately before lifting you up on to his desk and standing between your thighs.

His lips left yours and trailed down the side of your neck and you couldn’t stop your aroused mind from saying his name, he was what you craved the most right now…

You reached for his shirt, beginning to unbutton it for him as he slipped your shirt off your shoulders and following the fabric with his lips and sweet hungry kisses.

His bare skin had an almost golden glow… you pressed your hand against his chest and allowed for it to slide down his abdomen to feel his skin… it felt soft and warm.

Taehyung suddenly pressed closer against you and grabbed your wrists to move them away from him so he could take your shirt off completely. Your lips parted and he pulled off his own shirt as well before attacking your lips with his own again and placing one of his hands on your thigh and the other by your cheek.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and felt his strong backside, feeling over every subtle curve of his toned back muscles with your hand.

His hand by your thigh stroked it from the outer side down to your knee before sliding his hand beneath and moving your leg to wrap it around him.

You took the hint and wrapped your other leg around him as well and as you did his hands pressed against the desk behind you and you leaned back on to your elbows.

His hands were everywhere, caressing your face, tracing over the fabric of your bra and sliding up your thighs to pull move your skirt up.

Your own hand was tight against the back of his neck, holding his face near yours to not have him break away from the intense kiss.

He groaned against your lips and they parted briefly, enough for him to share a confession of his thoughts.

“You’re so sexy.” He was panting.

You heard the sound of his belt being unbuckled.

Small beads of sweat had formed on his skin and he was blushing…

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long…”

“Taehyung…”

“Say my name more…” He begged before kissing you again.

“Taehyung…” You couldn’t help but giggle a little.

His thumbs hooked under the hem of his pants and moved them down along with his underwear to right below his hips. With one hand he pulled out his hard dick and with the other he moved up along your inner thighs and moved your panties to the side before sliding two of his fingers in without warning.

He smirked.

“You’re so wet baby…”

He curled his finger gently, thrusting them back and forth in a slow motion and driving your crazy.

“Is it enough for you to take me baby? … I’m quite thick and I don’t have any lube here…”

“Just be careful.” You said fast, desperate for him to give you something more than his fingers.

“You feel so soft…”

He continued to slide his fingers slowly in and out a little more before adding to the buildup by pressing his thumb against your clit and making you squirm.

The pleasure felt so good but you craved more, the pleasure was like blissful torture.

Your head was leaned back and you looked up at him to see that he was jerking himself off slowly with his other hand.

“Can’t wait?” You teased.

“Are you kidding me?” He chuckled.

“Of course I can’t.” he said in an intimidating tone.

His fingers slid out and he readjusted your panties to the side before rubbing the tip of his cock against your heat.

He pushed gently, spreading your lips around his tip so he could drag his sensitive head up and down to coat himself in your wetness before positioning himself by your entrance.

His expression was full of lust.

You couldn’t wait for the stretch when he would bury himself deep but as a devastating shock someone suddenly knocked on the door, making both of you jump and return to the awareness of where you currently were.

“Ignore it, we’re not in.” Taehyung mumbled and placed his hands on your hips.

Whoever it was, knocked again.

Taehyung hung his head down low to hide the anger showing in his expression.

The touch of his tip was making your desire unbearable… you couldn’t wiggle your hips in this position nor do anything to aid you needs…

“Taehyung please…” You whispered.

“If they knock again, they’ll get fired…”

You waited in silence, listening for footsteps…

 To make it even worse you could feel yourself getting more wet over his tip and of course Taehyung noticed too as a small drop made its way down the veins of his dick.

“Sorry.” He whispered, and moved up and down your slit a few more times to give you some relief but the sensitivity he had caused you made it hard to not squirm.

You heart was beating hard and your muscles were getting more and more tense…

 A third knock.

“Mr. Kim?”

 Taehyung was about to open his mouth but you stopped him last minute by sitting up further and pulling him close with your hands on his neck, shutting him up with your lips.

He almost lost balance and you finally heard the footsteps of whoever it was.

Taehyung pulled away with a heavy exhale, panting.

“Whoever that was they’re so fired.” He whispered and returned to your lips with hunger, leaning even further down over you on his desk and pushing the tip of his cock against your entrance.

You hummed against the kiss as you finally felt the stretching feeling you had craved for.

He pushed in carefully, sliding in little by little at the time to let you adjust to his size and to avoid any surprise that could cause you to not be able to contain your moans….

He briefly pulled away again.

“Does it feel good?” He asked low, coming off as almost sultry.

“Don’t stop.” You begged.

“Then stay quiet.”

With that he thrusted his cock deep and hard the remaining bit, making you bite your lip hard and lean your head back.

He smirked widely and nuzzled himself against your neck, wanting to be as close to you as he could.

“Ssssh…”

He pulled out carefully and thrusted back in, making your arousal reach its peak and you to become even more wet…

 “Mr.Kim? Is everything ok in there? I know you’re in.”

 “Fuck…” Taehyung cursed.

 Panic was slowly claiming you both.

“I’m in a conference call!” Taehyung called out.

 “Ah, sorry! I was worried you weren’t well since you weren’t responding, I’m so sorry sir… I’ll ask your secretary instead…”

“I… I’m also in the conference call!”

“Oh- sorry I’ll leave.”

This time you clearly heard as they left and let out a sigh of relief.

 “I don’t think we can do this here…” You said.

“But we’ve already gotten started baby…”

“We’ll finish tonight… your place.”

“huh?”

“Take me to your place after work and we’ll do it properly.”

Taehyung carefully pulled out, suddenly looking a bit insecure.

You stood up, being almost squeezed between the edge of the desk and Taehyung as you reached up to cup his face.

“Hey, look at me… I want to be able to enjoy it without us getting disturbed…”

“I’ve never had anyone over…”

“Then I’ll be honored to be your first.”

“Can we call it a date if I take you out for dinner first?” He asked shyly.

“It’s a date.”

You leaned in to kiss him softly again.

He seemed so vulnerable all of a sudden… The situation made you feel a sudden spark of confidence but maybe it was the adrenaline mixed with finally letting go of the grip of your emotions…

 It felt uneasy between your thighs… but it would get better soon you hoped… only if you could stop thinking about it…

 The two of you got dressed again and Taehyung sat down on one of the couches with a sigh, hiding his face in his hand.

His pants were still unzipped to not suffocate his still hard bulge…

 You walked over and sat down against the armrest.

“What’s wrong?” You asked gently,

“Hurts.”

“I’m sorry.”

You reached up with your hand to pull it through his hair but stopped yourself.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Do you want me to help you? If you need to…”

“It’ll pass… I- I just need to calm down…”

 You didn’t stop yourself this time and allowed for your hand to move a few strand of his hair.

“I’ll get us some caramel lattes from the café instead, ok?”

You began to get up from the arm rest but he quickly stopped you by grabbing your wrist firmly to hold you back.

“Don’t go.”

 “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m sure… I just don’t want to be alone right now…” he confessed, making you sit back down on the armrest.

“How about we have the lattes at the café for once? Instead of takeaway?”

Taehyung nodded softly and by now you couldn’t resist to caress his scalp.

It didn’t take long until the mess of hair leaned gently against your body, allowing you to continue.

 “That feels nice…” He mumbled.

 --

 “Two caramel lattes, one with extra syrup!”

“Thank you!” You smiled, took the drinks from the barista and returned to the table where Taehyung was sitting and staring out from the window.

The time of day had the café almost completely empty apart from a takeaway customer appearing every now and then.

 You placed the glass with extra syrup down in front of Taehyung and took a seat opposite of him.

 “Why are you so kind to me?” Taehyung suddenly asked as he began to stir the drink with help of the straw.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know everyone thinks badly of me…I’ve heard the rumors and I know you have too.”

“I decided to make my own opinion...”

“What’s that opinion?” He sked and took a sip.

“That you’re not too bad once you get to know you.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle.

“That’s at least something.”

 “Hey Taehyung, stop being so hard on yourself ok? I like you.”

“You like me?”

“Do think I would allow you to go so far if I didn’t like you?” You lowered your voice and Taehyung coughed frantically as he swallowed his drink wrong.

“You have a point… but I thought you liked Jimin.”

“Jimin? He’s my best friend.”

“I thought so even more since you thought my notes were from him…” He looked down.

“I’m sorry if it hurt your feelings… but I’m glad they were from you.”

He looked so cute when he smiled shyly…

“Ever since Portugal… it’s felt weird… I’ve been suppressing my thoughts and emotions so hard I just…”

“Lived in denial?” Taehyung filled in.

“Yes…”

“I can’t relate…” He commented and continued to stir in his drink again as a form of fidgeting.

“Explain.”

“You know I’ve been eyeing you since before we went to Portugal…”

“Why?”

A dumb question.

“Because you’re beautiful.”

You cheeks stung and you looked down into your drink that was already almost gone thanks to your anxious sipping.

“Having a crush on someone… it’s a thing, isn’t it?”

“Are you saying you had a crush on me?”

“No.”

 He paused.

 “I have.”

His words were making you melt faster than the ice cubes in your glass.

 The sudden silence broke when Taehyung suddenly pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Secretary, cancel everything on my schedule today.”

“What?”

“I’m going shopping instead.”

What was he doing?

“What?”

“I want to wear something nice tonight. I’m going on a date with my girlfriend and I need a new outfit and so does she.”

Your heart twisted in your chest.

“Come.” He held his hand out for you.

“You can cancel it over the phone in the car, let’s go.” He pulled you along and you barely had the chance to grab you coat from the chair.

 --

 “I-isn’t it too formal?”

“You don’t like it?” Taehyung asked in a blend of disappointment and surprise.

You were leaned against the door frame peaking in through the curtain of the fitting room at Taehyung.

“No, no! I like it … but I don’t even know where we’re going.”

“Don’t you ever dress up in a ball gown and go to McDonalds?” Taehyung chuckled.

“Not really…”

Taehyung took another look at himself in the mirror and let out a gentle sigh.

“I think you’re right… I’ll try on the last one then we’ll move on.”

You closed the curtain so he could change and fished your phone out of your pocket to waste some time. But your thumb only traced along the unlock button instead… You had seen a few pieces you liked, even tried them on but none felt right and neither did Taehyung insisting to pay.

Had he forgotten how overpaid you already were?

You had gone to jewelry stores and seemingly Taehyung thought you hadn’t noticed when he asked the cashier to bring the earrings you had simply looked at and adding them to his purchase…

He obviously enjoyed it… but you had to get used to it apparently because he clearly wasn’t going to stop.

“Ok, you can look.” Taehyung whispered from inside and you peaked back through the curtain.

He was wearing a beige sweater, slightly oversized in the sleeves so they went down over his hands, giving him adorable sweater paws… Below he was wearing simple comfortable looking black pants.

“Is it too casual?” Taehyung asked after a while of silence from you.

“You look adorable.”

“So it’s approved?” he smiled shyly.

“It looks very… boyfriend.”

“Really!?” He suddenly shone up, making you giggle at his cute reaction.

 “What makes it look that way?” He asked curiously.

“Either the softness or how huggable it looks but I think it’s something else…”

“What?”

“The person wearing it.”

You couldn’t help but cringe and laugh.

“Give it a hug test.”

You felt the fabric by his side lazily, ignoring his obvious request for a cuddle.

“I need to know that it’s not itchy.” He pouted.

You gave in easily and stepped inside the fitting room. He held out his arms, making the sweater look even more adorable on him… You moved in closer to him and hugged him around the waist.

It was soft…

You felt Taehyung’s hands press against your back and his nose nuzzled against your head softly.

 “Is it approved?”

You hummed in agreement and nuzzled closer against the sweater.

“Ok, you can let go now so I can get changed. We still need to find something for you, but you’re being so picky.” He chuckled.

 You left the store and Taehyung held all the bags in one hand.

“Where should we go next?” He asked when you suddenly felt his hand brush against yours.

With confidence, you intertwined your fingers with his, now holding his hand. Shy, you didn’t dare to look at him from the daring move and pointed towards a store you like with your other hand.

“I have a lot of clothes from there, let’s got here.”

You felt a soft squeeze on your hand as you began to walk.

--

 A semi-casual dress became the winner. It was black and had long sleeves to go with Taehyung’s sweater…

You adjusted your thigh high stockings with a lace hem, pulling them up enough to be concealed by the hem of the dress to seem like pantyhose and in your ears were the new earrings Taehyung had gifted you.

You ended up at a fusion style Japanese restaurant with modern interior. Every dish and drink was displayed like an art piece and it almost felt heartbreaking to have to destroy it.

The atmosphere was really calm and pleasant and soft tunes were playing at a low volume throughout the place with the sound of a piano being the main focus in the music.

It didn’t feel like business, or a boss and secretary type dinner… it actually felt like a date.

At one point you caught yourself thinking of it as a date only to stop yourself and then realize that the two of you were actually in fact on a date and that you very much allowed to be thinking of it as such. The realization made you blush and smile, earning you an adoring smile from the man opposite of you.

Was it too soon to ask how long you should keep your relationship secret at work?

Probably…

It felt like the wrong thing to say on your first official date and quite frankly, you didn’t even care.

The only storm you had to prepare for would be the storm of questions from Jimin once you told him…

 The air outside was cold and you pulled your coat tighter before having your hand stolen by Taehyung’s and placed in his pocket with his own.

You hurried to the car together in silence. Was it natural silence or nervous silence based on what you both knew you had left of the date or something else…? On the way to his place you couldn’t keep your mind from the scene in the office… you tried to shake it off but it felt impossible. You felt your nervousness increasing and your “natural” movements all felt stiff. You tried to focus on the music of the radio to occupy yourself but nothing seemed to work, neither did the vibrations from the car that became more and more distinct with each second…

Taehyung suddenly pulled up by a large tall building and drove into the garage beneath it.

It didn’t take long for your hands to find each other again after you got out and you walked towards the nearby elevator together.

Taehyung clicked the button for the top floor and you anticipation grew. You were curious to see how he lived but you had no idea what to expect.

 The elevator dinged and you stepped out into a long corridor and headed down almost all the way until you reached a door on the left side. Taehyung let go of your hand and grabbed his keys to unlock the door and pushed it open to let you step in first.

“Welcome home.” He said shyly.

The place was huge and clean. The ceiling was high and the walls in the lounge area consisted of large windows with a breath taking view over the nearby park.

“They’re tinted to people can’t spy in but I can spy out.” Taehyung said and let out a nervous laugh.

On the walls were numerous pieces of art, not to be unexpected…

The silence was slowly eating away on Taehyung’s sanity but you were preoccupied with all your impressions of his home, being fascinated and exploring eagerly.

You explore suddenly came to a halt by the bookshelf in his living room when soft jazz tunes cut the silence.

“Would you like something to drink?” Taehyung asked and scratched the back of his neck.

“Yes please.” You smiled.

“Look around how much you like and I’ll fix something for us.” He smiled and escaped to the kitchen that you yet had to explore.

 He sighed of relief.

The music was helping him feel more comfortable.

Everything had gone so well up until this moment but his nervousness was getting the upper hand slowly but surely by now…

Should he just walk up to you and kiss you immediately and hope it would go natural from there? How had he done it in the office? So many questions ran through his mind, overthinking and overanalyzing what had already gone so well…

Maybe you could just cozily lean against each other while listening to music and talking… then he could maybe lean in and steal a kiss from you and say something cheesy like “Should we pick up where we left off?”  No…

Taehyung shook his head.

It would seem like this was all for that… but it wasn’t!

“Why is she making me so nervous…”

 You had a quick peak into the bathroom and managed to find his closet where you took your time to look through and explore among his clothes. You avoided his bedroom for now…

“Honey?”

You suddenly heard being called out faintly…

Was it the song?

You walked out from his closet and towards the large bright kitchen.

“I forgot to ask you what you wanted to drink…” Taehyung confessed.

“I’ll have the same as you.”

 “Please suggest something… I don’t know what to make!” Taehyung thought silently for himself.

He was standing by the kitchen island in the center and you walked over to him to watch him prepare whatever he had in mind…. Which didn’t seem to be a lot…

“Tea?” You suggested.

Was he nervous?

Taehyung turned his back towards you and went to fill up the kettle with water. While he did you quickly pulled up your dress slightly so that the hem of your thigh high socks would be visible.

Luckily when he turned back around they instantly caught his attention and his eyes went wide for a brief second until he forced himself to look away.

He leaned back against the counter and fidgeted with his sleeve slightly.

“What do you think?” He asked shyly.

“About your place? It’s amazing! But I haven’t seen your bedroom yet…”

“Come, I’ll show you.” He said in a more serious tone than earlier and let go of his sleeve.

You followed him closely behind form the kitchen to his room.

 “It’s nothing special.” He said humbly and opened the door to the dark room.

With a soft click he hit the light switch and the large room suddenly lit up. In the corner were two large windows with long mesh curtains flowing down by the sides, the walls were white and had a part from a couple of framed prints; a TV, that was mounted on the wall right opposite of the large bed.

Was… was this where you would eventually end up?

To be honest you didn’t mind skipping out on your initial plan and instead just watch a movie and maybe snuggle a little… So far the date had been really nice and you really enjoyed the time you had spent with him “off duty”… He was different in a way, more vulnerable and so sweet… Every moment from sitting on the bench by the harbor till now… even the time in Portugal.

You looked back at Taehyung who was watching you from the door as you looked over the room.

He smiled shyly as he thought he was caught admiring you.

“I think the water is done…” He said, looking down at his feet briefly.

But the brief second of nervousness was enough for you to walk up to him and his eyes went wide by surprise when he realized how close you were all of a sudden.

You gave him no chance to react or even speak, placing your hands on his shoulders and pushing him against the wall to the side and crashing your lips against his.

Saying you didn’t mind didn’t mean you didn’t want…

His hands found your waist immediately and he pushed back against your lips to deepen the kiss with his own desires and easily spun you around so your back was against the wall instead of his.

Was this all it took to get him out of his nervous little shell?

He groaned against the kiss and you took is as a yes and wrapped your arms around his neck before jumping up.

With his hands beneath your thighs he carried you over to the bed and put you down carefully and refusing to break the kiss. He was on his knees between your thighs with back hunched over as he pulled his shirt apart and slipped it off his toned shoulders. Seconds later it was tossed to the floor and he got closer to you, his weight supported on his knees and elbows as his tongue slipped past your lips and he began to explore your mouth.

Your hands had made their way into his soft hair, fingers tangled in the luscious locks and forcing his head closer to you to give you what you wanted… more.

You could feel his hands suddenly press against your abdomen and moving up, trying to gather as much fabric of the dress with him up in the movement as he could.

Out of breath, Taehyung abruptly pulled away from the kiss and pulled you up to sitting by the waist. Moving hastily, he reached around you and pulled the zipper of your dress down, separating the fabric and allowing for his hands to grab your bra and unhook it.

He leaned back and you could see lust and desire written all over his facial expression, making you even more anticipating for what he would do next…

His hands pulled your bra straps along with the dress, slipping it all off your shoulders and down to your waist, exposing your chest for him and causing his wide smirk.

With determined hands he cupped your breasts and squeezed them gently before leaning in towards your right one and licking teasingly across your nipple as if to greet you with his touch before latching on and beginning to suck at the sensitive bud.

Your insides felt like they were twisting and if it wasn’t for him being in your way you would have clenched your thighs together tightly so soothe the building ache below.

He was passionate, tilting his head from side to side between each pulling motion and driving you insane… As so you thought until you felt a cold wind of air against your right nipple, wet from his treatment… Taehyung blew softly at it and couldn’t help but chuckle before taking it into his warm mouth again for one last time before moving to your other nipple.

His grip grew stronger and he began to massage your breast more thoroughly, sending you into an even more intense state of need and arousal.

In this moment your arms were stuck to your sides by your own dress and you carefully slipped your arms out of the sleeves and straps. With your now free hands you placed them gently by his ears and began to rub the outer shell soothingly, causing him to groan against your breast.

His lips parted from your nipple and his hands landed down on your thighs as he bit his lip with a suppression facial expression.

“Does it feel good?”

All he could do was nod and you felt his grip of your thighs get stronger.

It seemed like you had found his sweet spot already…

You slipped your hands down to the sides of his face and leaned forwards to reconnect your lips with each other. What was rough and hungry had suddenly become slow and passionate… but it didn’t hinder his hands from wandering further up your thighs and gathering your dress by your hips.

Your lips parted briefly to allow him to pull the dress up over your head along with your bra and have is join his shirt somewhere on the floor, leaving you in your panties and thigh high socks…

 With eager fingers he felt along the lace hem of your socks, almost as if he was studying the print before roughly grabbing the hem of both and slipping them down your thighs, over your knees and down to your ankles… and before you knew it your back hit the bed again and his tongue was back in your mouth.

You wrapped your legs around him and managed to kick off your socks before pulling him closer. You needed something, anything, just a little friction of anything to ease the ache your wet pussy was experiencing.

Thank goodness Taehyung got the hint and moved even closer, so close that he could grind his hard on against your thinly clothed crotch and finally give some long needed relief for the both of you.

But the relief would quickly be replaced by an even more desperate need for each other…

 Eager hands travelled from your waist to your hips and the kiss’ intensity calmed down.

With a smirk against your lips one of his hands suddenly slid beneath the hem of your panties, moving from your hips to your lower abdomen at first. His long fingers trailed teasingly up and down, brushing his touch and feeling how wet you were for him already… You inhaled sharply when two of his fingers suddenly brushed over your sensitive clit, surprising you despite the anticipation.

But seemingly he lost his patience fast and pulled his hand out after one touch only to part with your lips and sit back up.

“Legs up.” He ordered, slightly out of breath.

You did as he told and within a few seconds he had gripped the sides of your underwear and pulled them up and off, leaving you fully exposed for his viewing pleasure.

As you lowered your legs back down again you saw him reach for his belt and hastily unbuckle it before unzipping his pants. The straining fabric becoming too much for his growing erection...

He pulled the jeans down past his hips and with a simple maneuver got them off and dismissed them off the bed. The only piece of clothing keeping you apart now were his boxers…

You bitt your cheek out of nervousness mixed with arousal as you watched his beautiful hands reach for the elastic hem of the black fabric. His face was glowing and the wide grin on his lips made him simply glow even more…

His thumbs slid under the hem on either side and he pulled them down in what felt like a slow manner but was actually rather rushed. He let go with one hand and pulled out his dick before getting rid of his underwear in a this time more clumsy maneuver.

You swallowed a chuckle and a mere blink later he returned to his position on top of you and between your thighs, making sure that his dick was placed where you craved him the most.

After a quick peck on your cheek he leaned in by your ear, supporting his weight on his hands that were pressed down against the bed on either side of you, causing his lean arms to tense up slightly…

“Can you feel how hard I am for you?” He whispered, followed by a low deviant chuckle.

“It’s finally just you and me… alone. Like it should be…” He continued and placed another kiss right beneath your ear, as soft and delicate as a kiss could be.

“I’ll be gentle…”

 The sound of his deep voice and the feeling of soft breathing against your ear made your heart beat spiral out of control. You must be blushing… It was getting so warm… His body was so close to you… all your clothes were on the floor and nobody was there to interrupt you- Your thought were spiraling but they were suddenly interrupted.

You were immediately pulled back to the now as Taehyung moved further down your body, spread your thighs further apart and surprised you with the feeling of his wet tongue licking up your slit and flicking softly across your clit.

The surprise made your self-control fail and you let out a low whimper, much to Taehyung delight.

“You thought I wouldn’t warm you up first? You’re already so wet… but I want to see if we can make it worse…”

He pressed his lips against your clit, sucking at it gently before releasing it from his lips and making you fail to suppress your reaction to his intimate touch…

“Don’t hold back… I want to hear you… You can be how loud as you please this time…”

Without warning he pushed himself closer to your heat, pressing his tongue harder against your ache and pushing it against your entrance. It caused you reach down out of pure desperation and grab his hair… something he seemed to enjoy more than you thought.

You pulled at his soft locks and he groaned.

Yet again you couldn’t believe what you were doing…

Your boss was eating you out, his secretary… on his own bed…

But your boss was also your boyfriend?

 But to be honest… the thought and realization had you feel more excited…

You were about to have sex with …-

You tilted your head back and let out a loud moan when he suddenly slipped a finger in.

“Taehyung!”

“That’s what I want to hear…”

He curled his finger a few times, moving it gently back and forth while his tongue stayed dedicated to your clit, building up the ever growing need for your release along with your craving for more…

 His finger didn’t stay for long.

He carefully pulled out followed by an almost inaudible whisper.

“That’s enough…”

 You looked down curiously and spotted him wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he sat up straight.

“I can’t take it anymore.” He mumbled and got back on top of you, moving close and pressing his groin against your wetness.

He placed a quick kiss at your jaw and if it weren’t for your own shaky breath you could’ve sworn his sounded just as shaky… but the analysis of his breathing was cut short by his lips pressing against yours, fogging your mind with his presence yet again…

You wrapped your arms around him, placing your hands against his broad back to try and pull him even closer to you. With one leg over him, your trapped him against you, but at the same time trying to silently urge him with body language to give you what you wanted…

He reached down with one hand and your felt his tip slide between your lips and move up and down a few time. Each time his tip came across your clit your hands pressed tighter against his back and you could feel him smile against the kiss at your reaction.

After what felt like forever he finally positioned his tip by your entrance and allowed for it to slide in ever so slightly…

His hand landed back at your waist and he adjusted his position slightly and the kissing suddenly grew rougher… You tangled your hands in his hair, pulling him down to take control over the kiss but clearly you were not the one in control…

With a gentle thrust his thick cock stretched you out, causing you to groan into the kiss at the relief and pleasure.

His grip tightened and he pushed in further and deeper, going as slow as he could withstand in order to let you adjust to his size…

But you were more than ready for more… the buildup and the need and want for him was beyond what you could handle and you tried to pull him even closer with your leg than what was already possible but he was stubborn with his decision of treating you like fragile glass.

His hands slid up your curves to the sides of your ribcage when he pulled out. With a deep sigh he thrusted back in, less gentle this time and started a slow rhythm of rocking his hips back and forth.

His lips parted with yours and he hid his face by your neck as his breathing grew heavier.

“Does it feel good?”

“You… you can go faster.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please.”

He adjusted his position again and reached down to grab a hold of your other leg to ‘hook’ it over his hip.

“Tell me if it’s too much…”

He pulled out again, almost all the way before thrusting back hard with a low grunt and repeated the move over again with a faster rhythm.

The pleasure quickly consumed him and his pace grew even faster unknowingly as he struggled to hold back his sounds.

Deep sighs, grunts and moans tickled your ear only to have you even more aroused by him.

You held on to him tight and his grip was equally so… it felt so good you didn’t want it to ever end but at the same time the end was desired more than anything else… With each thrust he pounded deeper and harder, driving you even closer to the tense pre stage of your release.

Finger nails were digging into his back, his face was nuzzled deeper by your neck and he was breathing heavier and heavier…

There was no need to ask, his short thrusts got faster and he held his breath in an attempt to contain the nearing euphoric feeling only to have it collapse into a moan.

“Fuck…” He panted.

 You tightened your muscles and he whimpered, grabbing you even tighter to a bruising point before his confession had to slip…

“I’m so close…” He rushed to say.

 “I’m going to cum baby…” He confessed, almost whispering.

 You tangled a hand in his hair as a response, causing him shivers and making his body feel almost overwhelmed by all the pleasurable sensations. But your grip tightened as your muscles did and your head fell back against the bed.

Taehyung let out another heavy groan and his thrusts suddenly got slower and deeper, his fingertips digging into your sides.

“Don’t stop.” You begged.

His sensitivity only caused him to get louder and he tried his best to keep going but he was too exhausted as he neared his edge.

“Come on baby…”

“Cum with me…” He begged

 You tightened your legs around him and reached down between your sweaty bodies to touch yourself when he suddenly attacked the sweet spot at your neck. Your hand immediately fell to your side and gripped the sheets hard as you got pushed off your edge by the sudden nibble.

Taehyung sighed deeply and thrusted deep a last time before he couldn’t hold back his release for you anymore… With a loud moan he let go of himself, allowing for him to finally cum hard.

Your core was on its very verge, muscles tight and your throat crying out for you release when your body finally let go.

Your muscles gave in and the relief washed over you in a wave of heavy breathing and pulsations.

He rocked his hips back and forth gently to ride out your orgasm as he finished off his much needed release with your core clenching tight around his thickness.

Taehyung collapsed heavily on top of you in a panting mess when you finally came back to your senses but before you had a chance to do anything his lips were back at your neck, kissing you passionately and nuzzling against you… barely giving himself the chance to regain himself.

You caressed his sweaty back with your hand to try and calm him down as the familiar cuddly feeling consumed you after your high but he was still so eager.

“Sssh…” You hushed him calmly, repeating the soothing sounds a few time until he finally calmed down and left your neck alone.

He finally relaxed, but still hidden by your neck…

 “Are you ok?” He whispered shyly after a while.

“Mmmm”

He leaned back and you finally got to see his face with his blushing cheeks and shy grin.

 He had so many questions… But interviewing you about how he did and how you felt didn’t feel like the right thing to do in the moment… Maybe he should just trust the fact that he managed to make you orgasm.

He chuckled shyly.

You caressed his cheek and leaned up and kissed his nose, making the pink tint on his cheeks even worse.

 He placed his hand by his dick and carefully pulled out of your tightness, leaving you with a brief aching emptiness but you were quickly distracted by the feeling when Taehyung suddenly rolled over on his side next to you and pulled you close.

 “Can I say something…?” He asked shyly.

 “Of course.”

“Even if it might be the wrong timing?” He sounded insecure.

“How is cuddling the wrong timing?” You questioned, making him smile again.

 You moved closer, snuggling up against his chest and his hand pressed firmer against your back.

 “I love you.”

[theunderdogwrites]

Green Lives Matter

My favorite Halloween costume from my childhood (age 10) was The Hulk.

For three reasons:

1.       I made it myself

2.       I wore it two years in a row

3.       It made my outside look how I felt on the inside – tough but complicated

I cut up an old pair of jeans to look as though my tiny legs had busted through the seams and to make it appear like I’d grown taller. I took an old white dress shirt and shredded the sleeves to symbolize my biceps exploding in rage and slightly shredded away the length. I put black (safe) spray paint in my hair and painted my legs, arms and face in Hulk green to complete the look. There is a photo of this masterpiece somewhere in an old album, I just don’t have access to it right at this moment. I know I looked magnificent because I remember the feeling of hiding behind this larger than life character for a night while grunting for candy or else “HULK SMASH!” your front door down. I love this memory.

Now let’s address this – I did green face.

I refuse to apologize and if The Hulk wants to come find me and break me like a hard pretzel, well then he better bring backup because even though I am no longer painting my face green… I have turned myself into a Hulk. Ok, a mini Hulk. But I can conjure up a temper and throw a tantrum while also being completely unreasonable and void of real direction. So... yeah, he’s going to need someone other than Black Widow to come with him.

I should mention that I am white. And not just white – I am Scottish white (Scottish heritage, born in Canada). Fair skinned, blonde hair, green eyes and I once thought mashed potatoes were the best food of all time. Until I discovered garlic mashed potatoes. Mind blown.

“I love humanity, but I hate humans.” – Albert Einstein

Let’s not lie – being white has its privileges. Do I know what all those privileges are? No, probably because I’m privileged in some way. But I find myself going back to the same bit to explain so much that I encounter in life:

Until my high school guidance councillor explained to me what suicide was, I had no idea it was a thing. I had no idea it was a possibility and I certainly did not know that many people were actively participating.

My lack of knowledge wasn’t due to privilege but rather because suicide had never been apart of my life experience. Would we call that ignorance? Some definitely would because it literally means ‘being unaware’. I feel an ignorant person is not only being unaware, but also a first-rate wanker because they won’t educate themselves or evolve and wish to remain blind to reality.

Once I became aware of suicide, I didn’t pretend it didn’t exist. I started to pay attention. I didn’t brush it off as an experience that didn’t affect me but rather a symptom of fragile mental health and I gave it the consideration it deserved as something that many people were suffering through… most of the time alone. If I see something that is wrong, that I know needs my support – I am there.

That is not my privilege speaking, that is my humanity.  

 The senseless murder of George Floyd ignited a firestorm.

(A firestorm is a conflagration (an extensive fire which destroys a great deal of land or property) which attains such intensity that it creates and sustains its own wind system. It is most commonly a natural phenomenon, created during some of the largest bushfires and wildfires.)

When I saw the footage on the news – I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand the blank, almost twisted look on that officer’s face as he drove his knee down on George Floyd’s neck. I didn’t understand the blatant inaction of the other officers while witnessing this brutal extinguishing of a human being. I didn’t understand why this level of aggression was necessary on someone who was already subdued. And I didn’t understand why the words “I can’t breathe” didn’t invoke an ounce of compassion or relief.

Then came the protesting. Then the riots. Then the looting. And I still didn’t understand.

While some people want to group all three of these events, in my mind, these are three separate actions. Because by attaching the riots and the looting with the genuineness of the protesting…  it lessons the cause, blurs the intention and distracts from the truth… therefore painting the protestors with a brush of violence, greed and chaos. And that is beyond unfair.

The PROTESTS are NOT out of control.

The pain and frustration are what’s out of control and more importantly the injustice is out of control and people are responding to a situation where they feel angry and powerless. Yes, the fires, destruction of property and looting are awful collateral here but it’s important to not loose focus on what caused this current situation. We often look at with contempt and criticize reactions while forgetting the action that started everything.

And that is another injustice.

I wouldn’t even know how to begin writing about Black Lives Matter or Antifa. I say this because of the controversy surrounding both movements. And if you dive deep enough into the internet, like I did, you too will begin to suffer from what I like to call ‘I don’t know what to fucking think anymore-itis’.

So, I’m going to escape talking about these two groups with this:

“Instead of feeling threatened by and hating a movement, be glad you don’t need a movement.”

 My experience with black people is pretty limited. Not by choice, but rather due to geography, common interests and quite possibly socioeconomics. I can count on one hand the number of black people I knew throughout my school-aged years. My area was diverse in other ways, so no, I did not grow up in White Breadville. I mention all this to lay down a bit of background before I continue.

“I don’t see colour.” How many of us have said this at least once in the last six months? I have. And I probably said it to prove to myself or someone else that I wasn’t racist. But I no longer say that… because the truth is, I do see colour. I see ALL the fucking colours and they are beautiful. It’s people who are ugly.

If you were to ask me point blank if I was racist, I’d tell you point blank – I am not. And I’d say this with absolute belief in my character and sincerity. I care less about your skin colour and nationality and more about you returning your shopping cart to its proper location. That is the truth. Your religion doesn’t bother me at all (as long as you’re not cramming it down my throat) but your ability to treat others with genuine kindness and compassion sure matters to me. And I don’t give a flying fuck how you want to identify… be a Martian, I’m totally cool with that, but bully others in my presence and I will come at you with the full force of nuclear pasta (look it up).

The last handful of months (I’m assuming here) has caused most of us to pull up and examine those deep in the corner of our brain concepts. You know the ones – the ones that might get you questioned by The Thought Police if they existed outside of fiction. It’s ok, we all have those little bastard notions creeping around… no matter the skin colour. I started to take a closer look at some of the things I think and how they would affect others if I wore those thoughts on a t-shirt. Needless to say, I’m not super impressed with myself. Because while I know with all my heart that I am not a racist person, I do recognize that I buy into and perpetuate some stereotypes. And I have zero excuses. This admission makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I’m ok with that… I can learn through discomfort.

I hear many people talking about and referring to white guilt.

-          White Guilt: ‘the feelings of shame and remorse some white people experience when they recognize the legacy of racism and racial injustice and perceive the ways they have benefited from it’.

I do not feel shame and remorse as a white person. As a human being, I am ashamed of how many of my fellow humans treat those who do not look the way they do or do not come from the same background. Do I believe there is a legacy of racism and racial injustice? Yes, 100%. Have I benefitted from this because I am white? I may be too dumb to answer this correctly. Or maybe too white? Or maybe I’ve had blinders on because based upon my own level of perception, I’ve always struggled to navigate my own existence therefore only know what has directly prevented me from being who and what I want in this world?

I underlined ‘level of perception’ because as the quote goes: “I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand things from their level of perception”

Earlier I said there were so many things I didn’t understand about George Floyd’s death and the protests etc. but here is something I do comprehend - there’s a big difference between understanding someone’s plight and being understanding of someone’s plight. Sympathy doesn’t require a total understanding of what problems other people are experiencing.

I may not fully grasp the struggles of those in the black community because it is not my experience but I will not ignore, deny or challenge their struggles. I will however educate myself on the issues, observe my own reactions and offer support in the ways I can and offer compassion to anyone who is willing to accept a little love from a min Hulk.

Nothing I write here is meant to change your mind. It is not meant to offend or shame you for how you may feel or think and nothing I write here is meant to lessen the seriousness of the current situation facing an entire community of people. As a writer my only goal is often to just disrupt your thoughts. Period.

[scarletgardensrpg]

LIVING ♦ FORTY-FIVE ♦ ASCENDANCY

NIKOLAAS VAN HOUTEN is Head of the Ascendancy—commonly addressed as De Dominee by Undead members—and was Senior Advisor to Agostina for the first two years of the House's inception before stepping down. He is also a founding member of the infamous Red Room, where the fatal PM-GRNT 197 drug was first conceived. For his unapologetic and public involvement in this project, Nikolaas remains a controversial figure, especially among the living. Although he possesses the rare and coveted gift of resurrection, he avoids using his ability, preferring instead to work through Cecile.

BIOGRAPHY

tw: violent death, needles

This is how it starts. A bullet splits a woman's head in two outside Patisserie Chez Maitre Pierre, and her shopping bags fall to the ground, tipping over as children's books and clothing scatter across the pavement. She drops the cake, too, and it smears against the plastic casing, blood red velvet on black chocolate. The paramedics come and go, taking the body with them, but her bags are abandoned in the street, kicked aside by passing strangers. She lives in an apartment in Riquier, a stone's throw from Nice. They send someone, who pounds twice on the door with a closed fist and only hesitates for a moment when a boy answers, blonde and brown-eyed, not a day older than thirteen. He knows, because there had been thirteen birthday candles in Eva van Houten's coat pocket. Nikolaas, the man says, and it is not a question. He looks just like his mother. Something's happened. And just like that, the serene, open look on the boy's face begins to change.

- ❀ -

He was conceived against the counsel of every Moulin Rouge whore with a say in the matter. Pretty Mila had struck Eva across the face, red nails leaving lines, hard enough that she saw stars. Do you think he is your husband? She was on the brink of tears, but her expression bore nothing but cold rage. He will have you killed for the information you have stolen. If not him, his wife, de Dame. She is Queen of the Penoze. She will spare neither you or de klootzak. And Eva, in knowing this and more, had silently slipped out of her heels and wiped off her makeup. She placed a delicate hand to her stomach, which would begin to swell soon. By then, she'd be long gone from this place. Mila began to sob finally, but Eva felt warm. She felt sure. That spring, in a hospital in Rome, Nikolaas came into the world with a wail, no larger than a doll and twice as pretty. He was a dangerous, miraculous child, the love crime of a common whore and a lord of the underworld; a fugitive on the run the moment he was born. And loved, still. One year hiding in Italy, two in Germany, another six months in Thailand. Three and a half in the safehouse in Nice, hopefully longer. Eva ran the coordinates in her head over and over. She sang them softly to the tune of nursery rhymes, lulling her son to sleep.

Nikolaas and Eva; Eva and Nikolaas. His world began with her hand on his shoulder, shaking him awake, and ended with the sound of her laughter on the evening balcony. He had never felt embarrassed for it, had never felt compelled to earn the doggish approval of neighborhood boys by treating her poorly, as they treated their own mothers. All other things, after all, were temporary: the apartments they lived in, the cities and schools they rotated through every six months, the men who came and went; some kind, some cruel, none permanent. The kind ones, he ignored. The cruel ones, he broke his knuckles on their teeth. Eva always said: You deserve a father. Nikolaas always replied: I have you. His mother, beautiful as she was, carried with her a sadness Nikolaas could not understand. She was lonely, but enforced their rootless existence year and after. She slept fitfully and jumped at loud noises. He knew better than to ask. Once, he had seen the puckered line that ran up along her abdomen, too high up to be a cesarean scar—as if someone had vivisected her and clumsily sewn her back up. He would grow up to look just like her: high cheekbones, straight nose, sun-silver hair. He acquired her love of books and silence, her intimate charisma, her academic wit. And the things he did not inherit from her—that needle of unfeeling darkness when he ought to have felt affection or love for someone other than Eva, that cruel thread of pleasure when he hit a classmate—he pushed down dutifully, deep where it would not be found. And so it festered within him, a slow night-falling in his soul while he won awards and played tennis and made Honor Roll, cloying and uncomfortable—growing larger and larger, until, after Eva died, it became unbearable at last. Something's happened, the police officer said. Nikolaas had found the papers the night before. They'd fought the morning she left. When they returned her coat to him, the wool was still spattered with blood and bits of dried cake. She had gone out and gotten the gifts as an apology.

After: an apartment of ghosts, the incessant whir of press outlets, the city of Nice at his back for the next ten years. Teachers and students alike either pitied him or adored him—usually both at once. Fatherless, motherless, and with nothing to his name but thirteen candles and a ruined coat, he became something of a tragic hero. Poor thing, so went the lamentation. Another victim of the Penoze. Another helpless child unjustly bereaved. Of course, he was also an adept actor: warm to the touch, willing to pose for photographers and sit in studios, bringing journalists to tears while the funds and donations rolled in like tidewater. And all the while, the first tendrils of a gestating obsession gripped him: something to ease the agony of waking in the middle of the night to the sound of a skull splitting, sometimes Eva's and sometimes his, the smell of rotten cake, the nonsensical pulse of a ghost scar on his abdomen, sheet after sheet of stolen papers—papers that had costed Eva her life. His mother had not been killed. She'd been hunted. Death, death, death. It was all he thought about. At Johns Hopkins, at Harvard. Gripping Agostina's hand for the first time in an empty classroom. How to outrun it. How to survive it. In Palestrina at midnight, listening to the sound of Thalia's velvet voice, saying, We never wanted you, just your drug mule of a mother. And still, death. He thought about the shape of it as he squeezed the syringe into Cecile's neck, then his own, the pain immediate. It lingered in the air as he stood in her and Evander's empty cell, the metal bars bent, his creatures gone to set fire to the world. And when he returned, at last, to bury the ruins of Amsterdam beneath a new order, he thought of Death once more. How to conquer it. How to master it.

CONNECTIONS

AGOSTINA – MIRROR, MIRROR.  She was no lamb. He had seen it in her the moment they shook hands and exchanged names and vices: the deceivingly delicate curve of her steady mouth, the lush dark of her infinite gaze, the edged grace with which she commanded lecture halls and courtrooms—and later, entire cities. In Agostina, Nikolaas found a place to put down his dreams. She was someone to share with, when he had not thought sharing was possible. She was intelligent, unafraid, his. For who else but him had she bared her true face to? Who else but him was privy to her spider-web mind, had indulged in the dark waters of their shared ambitions? Life after life. Deathless death. Together, they had destroyed a world, and raised it once more from the ashes. Whatever strange, bleeding thing bloomed between them in the wake of those rituals, it was intimate. Rare. Pure. Nikolaas considers their falling out over No. 200 and subsequent separation his biggest failure. Up until then, she had remained his unconstestable ally—an unquestioned friend and irreplaceable life partner. Almost naively, he had not thought it possible for the two fo them to disagree. But in the end, Agostina had shaken her head and refused to venture deeper, go darker. He does not disagree, that Agostina looks radiant under the sun: a leader among lambs, herding her flock toward salvation. But deep down, he is sure she would look even lovelier among the wolves. At his side. Nikolaas may have been the one to walk away, but it was Agostina who refused to follow. 

CECILE – LITTLE MONSTER. If there were a God, Cecile would have bitten his wrist. If God were a beast, she would have had his throat torn out and his body tossed at Nikolaas' feet—and they would have both understood it to be a gift. Fifteen years ago, when she entered the Red Room as a test subject, she did so with all the flagrant, unwavering arrogance of a true American. They wound up developed a strange friendship over the years: steady Doctor and willing patient, two dark things who could never quite look away each time something died in a cage. She had egged him on and dragged him into deeper, more depraved depths than either could imagine on their own��daring him to find a place she could not follow him to. You aren't going to escape? He had asked, if only to watch her face twist in amusement. This is my sanctuary, she purred. Out there is where I'm shackled like a dog. So he had killed her, and freed her, and damned her, and saved her. She had done the same for him. When the worst of the chemicals subsided, she awoke: Undead and terrible, his first and only creation. Somehow, he knew there would be no one else after her. They are tied together forever, by flesh and blood—and perhaps this is why Cecile will always find him, again and again: shivering together on the laboratory floor, in Warsaw at the end of the world, in Amsterdam at the start of it. When they had agreed to perform the act, two syringes in Nikolaas' coat pocket, he had said to her: Don't be afraid. Every transformation requires the death of its predecessor. To this, he still remembers the way she had tipped her head back and laughed. That rich, terrifying sound. Then, Doctor, I am a woman who has died a hundred times over.  

LUANA & MAURICE – COME ASTRAY, LITTLE LAMBS. He likes them. They hate him, of course, but their hatred is grown from a dishonest seed—they hate him for a crime he did not commit, and see only a monster among monsters when they look to him. The irony is not lost on Nikolaas: that the royal twins, upon their return, learn immediately to eat from the hand that ruined them and snarl at the one that saved them. He sees Agostina's bloody signature written all across this devil's deal. It's a clever political play on her part, Nikolaas can admit; something that will guarentee the twins' eventual alliance to her, provided the truth of the family massacre never comes out. Regardless, Nikolaas is not concerned; just as all blooms grow toward the sun, the Prince and Princess, being clever children, will grope their way through the darkness and eventually come out with the horrible, funny truth. He feels no need to personally reveal this crucial information to them either, as the discovery will be sure to do greater damage if they can find out on their own. As such, he will only gently nudge them closer, disincline them to partake in blind obedience, and encourage them to see the ugly light. While Luana remains steadfast in her condemnation of the Undead, Nikolaas sees something more hopeful in the boy, Maurice—his resolve wavering in the wake of Dimitri's most hospital gestures, his curiosity rising to defeaning volumes with every night he spends racing with Nikolaas' garden of monsters.  

OPEN ♦ FC: MADS MIKKELSEN

[mbtiwebcomic]

Running an empire that is based on controlling its population with an iron fist is not easy. There are revolutions, terroristic organisations, and the worst of all - a spreading virus. An influence that corrupts the people, coming closer and closer to plunging the Empire into chaos. An idea.

With the growing influence of the civil rights movement, not acknowledging a group of minor data breaches in the Empire's database that are possibly connected might be seen as excusable. After all, it's not like a little hacking can bring down a fine-tuned dictatorship with a thousand year plan for the future, right?

The Empire's population is painstakingly regulated and micromanaged in order to achieve maximum productivity and obedience. Each person is offered a variety of professions they can pursue, each one of them based on the individual's MBTI type. Rationals are pushed towards technology, Guardians towards management and organisation, Idealists towards arts and people (of course, anything created is checked for any controversial ideas before letting it out into the world), and Artisans - towards physical and/or risky professions. At a first glance, this might seem reasonable, because of societal norms, enforced in the Empire's first year, which not so gently nudge people into the "recommended" fields for each one of them. This way, kids grow up thinking they have options. Most of them don't even consider choosing something else - and why would they? The great Emperor has taken the burden of choice from them and is offering a small selection of professions which can best use their talents to help society prosper. There is no doubt that this works. Even the most nonconforming of people have sucked it up. But still, there are some exceptions.

Like a brilliant ENFP that adores the thrill that hacking offers her. Or a rough INTJ that dreams of epic battles. Devastating clashes of armies. The thrill of a fight. An unlikely duo, formed at an unlikely place.

The fateful encounter happens in a pretty bad time for the Empire. Artisan rebels are ravaging the least populated areas and it's crucial that they do not put the cities under siege. Therefore, all of the Empire's efforts are directed at solving this problem, effectively allowing a skilled, but clumsy ENFP hacker to sneak in not-so-important official buildings in order to steal data, which she later sells to rebels, and an inexperienced INTJ warrior to steal a military grade laser gun so she could find a way to achieve her goals. Goals, which, at the moment, were limited to survival.

The ENFP has accepted her greatest challenge yet - infiltrating an important command center in the third biggest city in the Empire. The information she is about to steal can be key to a successful siege of the city by the hands of the rebels.

Disabling a part of the security system, ENFP successfully gets into the building using the ventilation shafts, but just as she arrives at the third floor, she accidentally activates a well-hidden alarm and the whole place goes into lockdown. The hacker attempts to get back into the shafts but finds toxic gas coming out of them. Desperate to find an exit, she starts running through the building, only to be spotted by a guard who screams with rage. Time stops. Paralyzed with fear, the ENFP can only watch as he aims at her. His finger tickles the trigger.

"This is the end of the line."

Suddenly, a blue flash flies out of nowhere, striking the guard in the head, colouring the wall behind him red.

ENFP gasps, forcing herself to take a step back when a girl with a short red hair holding a dangerous-looking laser gun steps out from behind a corner. The stranger takes a quick look at the corpse and then at the hacker, and the Idealist wonders if the same fate awaits her. An awkward silence follows, during which the INTJ is shamelessly staring at her, probably to figure out if she's an enemy, and more importantly - if she is a threat. After a few seconds, she nods at the ENFP to follow her. The buzzing sounds of the alarm do not fail to remind the duo that the building they are currently in is populated by hundreds of trained guards that are actively looking for them. On top of that, deadly gas is flooding into the building as they search. They need to get out NOW.

The INTJ attempts to blow up the wall using the blaster but doesn't even manage to scratch it. Their time is running out.

However, as the gas is slowly creeping into the room, ENFP spots a small screen on the wall - the ones used to distribute messages to employees. If she got lucky, she could have a shot at infiltrating the system through it.

"Cover me. I'm going to get us out of here."

The INTJ looks at her skeptically but gets in position. One or two guards wander over to their location, but thanks to the element of surprise, she manages to take them out and take the gas masks they are wearing. Good, the slow and painful death has been avoided. Now, the small army between these walls. After what seems like an eternity, the ENFP finally disconnects from the screen and flashes a smile.

"Follow me."

She leads the INTJ down the stairs, all the way to the first floor, and heads for the exit. The warrior is on her toes for an unexpected attack, but one does not happen. The metal barriers that replace the door during a lockdown are gone, and the two women leave freely. 

As they open the door, the INTJ puts on a mask, but the ENFP doesn't bother. After all, why would she keep the cameras working after hijacking the guards' communications so she could order them to gather at one place, posing as an officer, and then trap them in there?

She would be dead by now if she didn't learn to take every precaution.

One would expect that an ENTJ-run empire would be pretty protected by hackers. The truth is - it is. There are more security protocols on each database than there are cities in Europe. However, the head programmers had made a small miscalculation when creating them. They had assumed that only Rationals would be driven to set out on this path, due to their government-enforced background in programming, and, therefore, directed their efforts at places they thought a Rational would look. They had not envisioned a scenario in which anyone other than an NT would even think of attempting to break through their defenses.

And the ENFP is pretty much anything but a Rational.

Not long after that, the two start working together - infiltrating important buildings in order to steal important data, which later gets sold to the ones who pay most. Later, though, as they get settled into their new reality, they start to be a little more picky about the people they sell the tyrannical Empire's secrets to - they don't want civilians getting hurt, after all, and helping genuine terrorists that only want a reign of chaos to consume the land, is not very compatible with that desire.

The duo becomes known as "Toxic", because of the fact that every time they manage to successfully complete their mission, the ENFP plants a self-replicating virus on the building's systems, which plays "Toxic" by Britney Spears on repeat.

Thanks to ENFP's hacking skills and INTJ's meticulousness in eliminating every witness who has seen them without disguises, nobody even knows anything behind the people of "Toxic".

I like to believe that the INTJ meets her end at a mission at the capital of the Empire that involves stealing top-secret war plans from the Emperor's castle itself. The castle is in a lockdown and they don't have a lot of time. INTJ is aware of the importance of the mission and knows that, if successful, it can bring the Empire to its knees. She just needs to buy ENFP time to break into the database. She runs off as ENFP is sitting in front of a holographic screen, struggling to find a way to get through the firewalls, and heads for the most dangerous place in the whole palace - the Emperor's quarters.

She manages to surprise the guards, and a pretty epic fight follows, during which the INTJ manages to kill 13 people singlehandedly, and gravely injure the Emperor (he gets better, though) before getting shot in the head.

ENFP knows the moment it happens. She has implanted a sensor in INTJ's arm that's constantly reporting her partner's biomedical conditions and location to her. Swallowing back tears, she gets off the ground, having just extracted the crucial information. The hacker looks at the small pink hard drive in her hand. INTJ dedicated her life to freeing the people from the Empire.

She was going to finish the deed.

There is some radio silence for a few months. "Toxic" has not taken responsibility for any recent hits. The Emperor, having fully recovered by the shot that INTJ managed to hit him with, has assumed that she was the only one behind the hits.

There are a few solo missions after INTJ's death, and each one of them has a very specific goal - acquiring the data needed by the Artisan rebels the ENFP has teamed up with after the palace's missions. They are planning a big hit - one that would destroy the Empire once and for all. And she is hell-bent on making it happen.

February 24, 3369. 420 days after a certain lady with hair, red as blood, died in the heat of battle. This is the day a young blonde woman with colorful streaks in her hair enters the Empire's capital - Ordo. 45 % of the population lives there, right under the nose of the glorious Emperor. A smile escapes the girl. Today's the day.

6.30 pm. The Emperor looks at the city beneath him through the bulletproof windows of his office. Recently, things have been pretty rough. The growing power of the Artisan rebellion, the hits by "Toxic", and that damned hippie spreading foolish ideas like "All people deserve to be able to think for themselves!" and "Chocolate is good for the soul!". Idiot. The ENTJ starts getting lost in thought. This whole thing has proven to be much harder than he thought. Turns out humans aren't nearly as predictable as he thought. If he got a second chance, would he do things differently? Who knew.

He stays frozen in thought for a few minutes when suddenly a very familiar noise shakes him out of his trance and sends shivers down his spine. Drops of cold sweat appear on his forehead as a soft voice starts singing from the columns through the city.

"Baby, can't you see I'm calling"

The Emperor takes a step back in panic. Toxic? No way. He saw her death with his own eyes. Unless..

"A guy like you should wear a warning It's dangerous I'm falling"

She wasn't alone.

Suddenly, a series of bright pink explosions consume half the city, and a thunderous boom knocks the ENTJ off his feet. After a split second, the lights in the room are killed and the Emperor stumbles to the window. Thousands of savages start flowing into the city and the Empire's forces are nowhere to be found. Panicking, the ENTJ reaches for his desk, searching for a hidden button that will open a door to his underground shelter. His ship might be going down. But he would never.

Amidst the chaos, a girl stands. She has dirty blonde hair with about every color mixed in it. She observes the destruction calmly, with serene peacefulness. They had succeeded. The mission was completed. Future generations would no longer be constrained by the wishes of a narcissist that ignored people's wishes in his endless quest for power and efficiency.

But at what cost? So many deaths. So much chaos. Would someone take advantage of the opportunity and set out on the path of the former Emperor? Would they be better than him? Would the world finally know peace? She doesn't know the answers. And even if she did, she would probably be left with even more questions. The most important thing right now for her is that INTJ's death was not in vain. The rest? She will figure it out.

[popculturereport]

Let’s Rank the Samurai Rangers!

Power Rangers Samurai gets a bad rap among fans, probably deservedly so. I don’t watch Super Sentai, but people who do tell me that Samurai is basically a very lazy direct translation of Shinkenger. That may be true, but I actually kind of enjoyed it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s no RPM or Dino Thunder, but it’s also nowhere near as bad as Megaforce. Regardless of where you stand on the show, one of the most consistently-cited issues that people tend to have with the show is the characters (and, depending on who you talk to, maybe the cast too). Again, I tend to hedge on this, because I think most of the actors are fairly capable and do a fine job with what they’re given. That said, I will concede that some of the rangers just...suck. So let’s get to the rankings! From best to worst, here they are (oh, and I’m skipping Lauren):

1. Mike (the Green Ranger)

Mike (Hector David Jr.) is the best, and this is should be so self-evident that I shouldn’t even have to make a case for him. So I’ll limit my argument to this: in “Christmas Together, Friends Forever,” Mike, who loves Christmas more than anything else which automatically makes him the best, gives his only present--a brand new dirtbike--to Bulk and Spike on Christmas, because they have nothing.

2. Mia (the Pink Ranger)

I hesitated whether to place Mia in this spot or the next, but ultimately she gets the nod at second, because I am only a man.

Yes, I may be 31 years old, am happily married, will soon be a father, own my own business, and have a mortgage, but every time Mia (Erika Fong) steps onscreen, I swoon like a 13-year-old girl (I may or may not have even said, “You’re so pretty” out loud). 

Like everything else about this show, her gimmick of loving to cook despite being godawful at it is polarizing, but I think it’s kind of cute, and it also adds a nice touch of brevity in contrast with Jayden and Kevin’s seriousness. She does need further development, but that goes for every else in this series, and like I already said, she’s really pretty.

3. Emily (the Yellow Ranger)

I’m glad that when Saban bought back the rights to Power Rangers from Disney that they decided to carry on the Disney tradition of casting super-cute, perky blondes (Tori, Kira, Syd, Claire, Ronnie, Lily, Summer)...usually as the Yellow Ranger.*

Emily has the potential to be even better, but what we did get is pretty good. She’s fun, kind of clumsy, and occasionally she and Mike make eyes at each other. Yes, they should have done something more with her being chosen to be a Ranger instead of her sister, and her and Mike’s romance could have been developed more (basically they go from sort of flirting to being a couple in the final episode with no in between). That said, when Emily finally gets a chance to go nuts in “Strange Case of the Munchies,” actress Brittany Anne Pirtle grabs onto every scene and takes it for all its worth.

In my own head-canon, I also like to imagine that this episode partly inspired “Dark Betty” in Riverdale.

4. Jayden (the Red Ranger)

Placing Jayden in any place other than last might be controversial for many fans, since he often bears the brunt of their wraith, but I tend to disagree. 

Yes, his brooding lone wolf character probably worked better for his Super Sentai counterpart, given the abundance of these types of characters in Japanese culture (I get Squall from Final Fantasy VIII vibes from him). That said, he does get a lot of backstory that helps establish why he is the way he is, and when you consider that he’s been burdened with the task of destroying Master Xandred since he was a child, you can see why he see’s a bit messed up. It’s not perfect and the execution is sometimes lacking, but there are good ideas there.

Additionally, Alex Heartman actually does have charisma and, on the occasions when he’s given good material, he does a good job with it. Plus, even at his worst, there are two rangers that are much worse than him.

5. Antonio (the Gold Ranger)

There’s things about Antonio that work really well: the fact that he’s a self-trained Samurai Ranger who isn’t descended from a long line of Samurais’, which gives him both a different perspective and approach towards being a ranger, his relationship (bromance? romance? whatever floats your boat) and history with Jayden, and his general light-hearted attitude. The problem is that as good as all those things are, it’s hard to overlook just how grating his character can be.

I don’t mind goofy characters; Ivan and Koda are two of my favorite Power Rangers ever, and I’ve also loved Bridge, Gem and Gemma, Dustin, and Ziggy, among many others. I’ve never understood why some fans get up in arms about these types of characters. Like, you do realize that you’re watching a show made for 5-8 year olds? However, when we’re presented with characters like Antonio (and, even worse, Dax from Operation Overdrive), I can start to sympathize with this mentality.

The problem with Antonio is that actor Steven Skylar spends far too much time mugging to the camera. Everything about the performance is way too over-the-top, including the random Spanish interjections. I suspect that since Skylar is actually of Thai descent, the producers felt the need to have him beat the audience over the head with “Fantastico!” I generally try not to blame actors, especially because it’s entirely possible that they were directed to act in a specific way, but I also can’t help but wonder if I wouldn’t have liked Antonio more if he had been played by another actor.

Still, he’s not the worst. There is someone much more deserving of that:

6. Kevin (the Blue Ranger)

God, Kevin, you suck so much. No, seriously, Kevin, you’re the worst.

(This GIF is priceless, but I also kind of wish that Mike just wrapped his arm around Kevin and strangled him right then and there)

Okay, so if you’ve watched more than one season of Power Rangers, you’re probably seen similar characters. Given that the creators essentially have to come up with a brand-new cast every year for 25 years, it makes sense that they would rely on archetypes. Kevin follows of the mold of the stick-up-their-ass, by-the-books second-in-command much like Kai, Jen, and Sky before him. 

There are a few problems from the beginning; for one, those three were all partnered with more laid-back Red Rangers (Leo, Wes, and Jack), and so they served as nice foils, constantly second-guessing the leader. Over time, these characters would gradually see that, although the Red Rangers didn’t following standard operating procedure, they were effective leaders in their own way, and they would come to respect them. It’s a good dynamic, and you can understand why they’ve returned to that well multiple times.

(That “What the fuck”-look that Mia gives Kevin is exactly how we all feel)

With Kevin, they tried something different (which is good, I guess) and had a serious second-in-command who idolizes his equally intense leader. So instead of forcing them to see (and come to respect) a different point of view, this dynamic just reinforces their own stupid biases. Worse yet, unlike, say Erin Cahill (Jen) or Chris Violette (Sky) who were still likable characters even when their heads were up their asses, Najee De-Tiege has no charisma or charm, and it’s impossible to like Kevin.

If you want a quick introduction to why Kevin is the worst, look no further than “The Blue and the Gold.” So two episodes after joining the team, Kevin still hasn’t accepted that Antonio is part of the team. Antonio tells that he made a new Zord, and Kevin’s like, “You made it from Electronic Symbol Power? I don’t accept that!”

Hey, asshole, how many fucking Zords have you made?

“.....”

None? That’s what I thought. So shut the fuck up!

The other rangers tell Antonio that Kevin won’t accept him unless he can adapt to his training habits. So Antonio follows him around observing his daily routine (i.e. non-stop training) and tries to copy him the next day. Kevin catches him and says, “Despite the fact that you’re gone through all this effort to try to copy me, I don’t think you’re taking this seriously so fuck off!” Before Antonio can tell him to take his head out of his ass, they’re attacked and can’t communicate with the other rangers. It’s not a problem though, because they’ll know something is wrong when Kevin is late. This is when we find out that Kevin has a daily routine that goes down to the minute. As much as I despise Kevin, this is so hilariously awful that I can’t help but love it.

Later they’re attacked again, and Antonio hurts his arm, but he sticks around and defeats the bad guys anyway, and Kevin goes, “Wow! You really are dedicated. I finally respect you,” despite the fact that Antonio has been doing this for the past two episodes. Kevin must be one of those people who says, “Yes, the Golden State Warriors have made three straight NBA Finals appearances, won the championship twice, have multiple All-Stars, and a two-time MVP, but I just don’t think they’re very good.” Then if Golden State wins this year, he’s finally like, “Oh, I get why people think they’re good.”

Welcome to the fucking party, dipshit!

*-After this, they’d do it again with Gia (Ciara Hanna) in Megaforce.

[themyskira]

The 18th Letter: A Love Story - Part 1

I’ve been meaning to talk about this one for a while and, re-reading it, it’s even more awful than I remember.  Practically its only saving grace was that it was cut down from the originally proposed 96-page hardcover graphic novel to a 66-page three-parter that languished in the anthology comic Legends of the DC Universe, where it went almost completely ignored by mainstream continuity.

Christopher Priest has written acclaimed cape comics for both Marvel and DC, including what’s often cited as the definitive Black Panther run. Unfortunately, I only know him through his work on Wonder Woman, which, I think it’s safe to say... isn’t his best.

Writing about his experiences as an occasional WW fill-in writer, Priest describes the frustrations of having to treat lightly with the character and not rock the boat. Wonder Woman is, of course, a major corporate property, and it seems at the time (in the mid-to-late nineties) DC was particularly anxious to protect that. Says Priest, “I was absolutely forbidden from making Diana interesting”. (I take some issue with that, but okay.)

So The 18th Letter arose out of a desire to do something with Wonder Woman that had never been done before. A story that was “edgy and controversial” and had something to say about the character. A story that was “relevant to the political and social climate at the turn of the century” -- and one that “could only happen to Wonder Woman”.

Which is how we ended up with this utterly execrable story about a man who uses mass slaughter to blackmail Wonder Woman into fucking him.

Priest got one thing right: you ain’t gonna see any writer trying to pull this shit on Superman.

Needless to say, there are some heavy trigger warnings for what follows. This story is rife with abusive and coercive behaviour, attempted date rape, victim blaming, slut shaming, normalising of abuse and general shitty treatment of women.

Prolog

We open on scenes of a city being pounded by missiles and civilians dying horrifically while Wondy struggles against the bombardment.  In the accompanying narration boxes, an unseen character pervs after Diana.

She was too late. Much too late.

(Here we pause dramatically on what is meant to be Diana straining with the effort of catching a downed helicopter before it crashes, but instead appears to be a porno tracing worthy of Greg Land.)

Her name was Diana. And I adored her. Which was why I sent for her— in the most compelling way I could think of.

The most compelling way he could think of was a missile that killed dozens of civilians. Because this is a love story.

Diana’s surrounded by human desperation and she’s struggling to save them all. The people cry out to her in broken English, and a bearded man confronts her angrily: “Help us!! I demand it, American hero—!!” Diana protests that she’s trying and the man responds by slapping her in the face and screaming that she’s a liar.

…it’s hard not to read this as a cynical, simplistic commentary on American foreign relations. “We do our best to help them and they spit in our face and accuse us imperialism! We just can’t win!! Like, I know you’re dying and stuff, but do you have to be so angry about it? Can’t you see you’re making Wonder Woman sad?”

Okay, maybe I’m reading too much into it. It’s possible Priest is just trying in a hamfisted way to establish that Diana wants to save everyone and it pains her that she can’t, setting up a clear reason for to seriously consider the gross “proposal” she’s about to receive.

Voiceover again:

She was the soul of an unborn child incarnated within a body of clay and endowed with special gifts from the gods themselves. I was a homeless spirit cursed to wander the earth. Reaching out for a moment of peace— and finding only— a living death.

Then a blonde in gold spandex and rocket boots attacks Diana with a shooty-energy-staff.

Sigh. This is Helena Kosmatos, aka Fury, and she deserves so much better than what Priest has planned for her.

Helena exists due to an accident of continuity. See, after Crisis on Infinite Earths rebooted DC’s continuity in 1986, the modern Fury — Lyta Trevor-Hall, best known for her role in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman — still existed, but her mother — the Golden Age Wonder Woman — didn’t any more. DC had to come up with a new parentage for her, so Helena Kosmatos was introduced as a World War II-era heroine who is an avatar of the goddess Tisiphone, one of the three Furies.

I don’t believe she’d ever interacted with Wondy before this story, and I actually think reintroducing her in the modern era as a Wonder Woman supporting character was a great idea… if only it hadn’t been handled so spectacularly badly.

Diana and Fury’s exchange is clunky and reads like an unproofed second draft: Diana asks Fury who she is and why she’s attacking, but Fury responds instead as though she’s been asked who sent her. The answer to that is nobody: “I just heard you were coming here — and thought it was high time we met.”

Then she drops the bombshell:

“I’m your sister. And I hate you for what you’ve done to me.”

Then she proceeds to pound Diana into the ground while deriding her legendary powers. “Somebody told you you were unique. Somebody said you were her only child. You were lied to. And, ever since your first appearance, I’ve meant to correct things.”

(Check out Diana’s gravity-defying cape)

Diana breaks free and beats Fury into the pavement while protesting that her mother had no other daughters. Fury… it’s not clear how she does this, but apparently she uses her super-strength (and rocket boots?! fuck if I know.) to rapidly tunnel underneath the pavement and pop up behind Diana, then throws a tank at her and flies off.

those hips those thighs what the fuck am i looking at

(In retrospect, I don’t think they’re even rocket boots, I think it’s just shitty art.)

Diana is then approached by a soldier, who announces that she has been sent by “Michael Lysander, leader of the East Vladonian Resistance” — in other words, the man responsible for all the bloodshed. Her message: Come see my master and he will stop the war. Diana replies that she will see him only after he declares a ceasefire. The soldier says she will relay the message and, oh, by the way, Lysander “prefers to be called by his Epigoni birth name— Alcmaeon.”

The name causes Diana to make this face:

...yeeeeeeup, that’s what alarm and perhaps some puzzlement looks like, alrighty.

Voiceover again:

My agent saw it in her eyes. Alarm— and perhaps some puzzlement. It was a name she’d heard before. And, I’m sure she must have wondered… why a dead man wanted to see her.

Interlude: Parados

The Justice League discuss Diana’s decision to involve herself in the conflict in Vladonia.  The JLA’s charter prohibits taking sides in international disputes, but Diana’s mission in Man’s World is to bring peace, and in this instance, J’onn worries that these two mandates might come into direct conflict.  This is actually an interesting idea, and it’s a shame that Priest didn’t try to explore it in more depth instead of going full Indecent Proposal on Diana.

Interlude: First Episode

Three editing fuckups in one, with a title boxes that is

incorrect (it should read “First Episode”; the interlude is over),

uses the wrong lettering style (it’s inconsistent with all the other title boxes, which use a distinctive font and border), and

in the wrong place (it's at the bottom of the Interlude page, whereas it should be at the start of the following page).

Back to the voiceover.

Which was how I knew she would come. Immediately after I ordered the cease-fire. I could hardly breathe. After all, I’d waited a lifetime…

fuuuuuuuuck offfffffff.

Writing elsewhere about this story, Priest has described Alcmaeon as — direct quote — “Tom Cruise. He is the most arrestingly, unexpectedly charming and disarming person to ever appear in a DC comic … a guy most any woman on the planet would fall immediately in love with”.

So naturally he looks like Doctor Psycho’s younger brother.

Also, when Diana meets him, he’s cleaning a gross shit-covered toilet. Because he might be a supreme dictator, but he’s also a manly man of the people, I guess? His explanation is that he’s short on staff at the moment and, well… and…

um.

HE DOESN’T KNOW IF AMAZONS NEED TO SHIT

WHAT THE ALMIGHTY EVERLOVING FUCK CHRISTOPHER PRIEST

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

WHAT--

YOU--

FUCK--

Alcmaeon invites Diana to dine with him — after his female lieutenants help her to “freshen up”, of course, because dinner with a sleazy predator just wouldn’t be complete without a change of costume into an outfit that he has specifically picked out.

If she stayed in there more than thirty seconds, I knew I could begin to build trust between us. And trust was all we needed. I’m sure she looked for cameras that weren’t there. Advanced science to trap her in my castle. Not yet realising I didn’t want to trap her— I wanted to win her.

mate, you’ve used the threat of further civilian deaths to lure her into your creepy castle and now you’re manipulating her into donning a hand-picked outfit and sitting down to dinner with you; I think we’ve already established you don’t give two fucks about consent.

Here’s Diana “freshened up”, by way:

Diana isn’t amused, either: “Children are dying, and you’ve got me playing games with some lunatic claiming to be my sister.” And again we run into some bad continuity. Diana has no reason to connect Fury with Alcmaeon, and in fact Fury explicitly said she wasn’t working for anybody. Considering this story reportedly took Priest almost three years to write, this is some very sloppy work.

Alcmaeon: Ah. I see you’ve met Fury. Diana: Fury? I’ve heard that name… she was a heroine… Alcmaeon: Yes. During the Second World War. Now she’s a little, well, loopy— and obsessed with me.

noooope nope nope nope nooooo thank you.

Things the world does not need more of:

Waifishly beautiful heroines driven mad by the inability of their female minds to handle ~terrible power~

Hysterical women antagonists acting craaaazy because of a maaaaan

Pretentious-ass writer bros sabotaging powerful heroines to prop up their Deep and Complex date-rapist warlord villain

Alcmaeon says that he has brought Diana here to fulfil a prophecy — the 18th Letter — and then dives into his backstory, and we get a half-page of prose summarising the story of Alcmaeon from Greek mythology. Here’s the potted version:

Alcmaeon’s mother conspired to kill his father by sending him into a fatal battle.

Alcmaeon killed his mother to avenge his father’s murder, and was hounded by the Furies for his crime of matricide.

He’s basically Orestes but less interesting.

Anyway, then some other stuff happened and he wound up being killed, it’s really not important to this story.

Diana’s getting fairly shitty with Alcmaeon now, particularly as she’s noticed that there’s a forcefield surrounding the palace, which he claims is defensive, but also conveniently prevents her from leaving. Not creepy at all.

And now we’ve come to the Indecent Proposal part of the story.

Alcmaeon bullshits long and hard about how this is his ancient homeland by right, and he’s fighting a war of liberation, and there’s going to be a lot more large-scale civilian death and suffering before it’s done, and there’s nothing that the UN or the US or even the JLA can do about it— but it juuuuuuust so happens…

“I’ll give it all up — recall my forces, end the bloodshed — stop the war — in exchange for one night with you.”

THE END WHAT A SATISFYING CONCLUSION I’M SURE WE CAN ALL AGREE THIS WAS QUITE THE ah fuck there’s more.

Alcmaeon is shocked!! shocked!! that Diana would even think that he’s trying to coerce her into sex against her will! Nonono, he’s just trying to coerce her into hanging out with him against her will, in the hope that she will realise the fundamental truth that they are meant to be together now and forever! Noooothing predatory about that!

And again, I remind you that this bloke is supposed to be the most sexy and charming and arresting man in the DC universe.

As Diana leaves to (ugh) contemplate his bullshit offer, Fury appears in the door and goads him.

Fury: Crash and burn, Alcmaeon. Alcmaeon: No… not yet, anyway. Her mission in life is to teach the virtues of her people. She wants to teach me. Fury: So do I, Alcmaeon. So do I.

And we end on a final voiceover from Alcmaeon:

She was too late. Much too late. Which was what I had in mind when I started that war. For the express purpose of winning her— in the most compelling way I could think of.

YEP. THAT’S RIGHT. This worthless shitheel started a massive civil conflict, killing innocent civilians and destroying countless lives, for the express purpose of coercing Wonder Woman into banging him.

[eorzean-gents-blog]

A Comrade

Perhaps characteristically, Claisent had found a seat in the corner of the tavern; the better to ensure that he could only be approached from the front. A soldier’s habit, to be certain. His gleaming red greatsword, entrusted to him what felt like half a lifetime ago by Kosetsu, sat propped against the wall on his right, within easy reach.

“Momone. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

The blonde Lalafell tottered over from the doorway, still wearing yesterday’s scale mail armour, cloak sweeping almost dramatically around her.

“It’s alright! I’ll admit, I was a little surprised you called for me. Still – how can I help?”

“I… have a confession to make.” Claisent’s expression was solemn. “And a rather dangerous plan I’m about to set in motion. Things will get… delicate. I need someone on side who I can trust to get a job done.”

“Ah… Y-yes, of course!” Momone looked curious, but unperturbed. “Is… this something I can confide in Kosetsu, or is it… extra delicate?”

“Kosetsu’s help will be appreciated, but I need a lighter touch, first and foremost…” Claisent trailed off, looked askance. “…I suppose I should start from the beginning, if you’re to understand what I wish to ask of you.” Momone nodded, walked around the Elezen to sit beside him. She took a moment to divest herself of her shield and scabbard belt, setting both upon the wall beside her seat before turning her attention fully to Claisent.

"...This quest I've been pursuing, since before I left the Kindred. I've been hunting a Halonic Inquisitor who's been continuing his own private Dragonsong War. He's been rooting out suspected heretics even outside of Coerthas, putting them to the sword or the torch without any talk of trial."

Momone stared wide-eyed. "Wh- but how? The... isn't Ishgard forming into a republic, now? Especially with the controversy in what was the Holy See?"

"He couldn't care less. The man's on a crusade - he has no intention of forgiving people he considers to have betrayed the church... Point is, he's discovered that I'm onto him. And he's taken a particular interest, since he's the reason I fled Coerthas in the first place... I too was a heretic." Claisent let that confession sit for a moment. "I was young. Shocked and frightened by the war. Taken in by the promises and propaganda."

Momone looked almost equally uncertain how to process this revelation. She looked down and away; remained pensive for a time. At last, she opened her mouth.

“What changed?”

"The Inquisitor. Elvaut Subier is his name. I had fallen in with a large unit that answered to Lady Iceheart. Made our encampment in the depths of the highlands. Somehow, Subier found us. He didn't just want us dead. He wanted us to destroy each other. Wanted to punish us for our sins, in his own way. So when he led his Temple Knights to destroy the camp one bloody morning, he planted a letter on one of the corpses.

“That letter framed me as an informant, who had gone turncoat and given away the camp's location in exchange for leniency. Clearly, he meant for it to be found by any survivors, to set them against me, and me against them. It worked. I was out on patrol that morning, with six others. Among them, an up and coming young leader... Avenne. A woman I'd very much come to admire. To love."

Claisent paused. Melancholy chiselled furrows into his face. "When we got back, we found a killing field. The tents were trampled and burned, supplies looted or destroyed. Bodies in fucking piles, from one end of the camp to the other. Avenne... she lost good friends. Lost a sister, somewhere in that carnage. She... found the letter first. Showed it to the others... Gods, the way their faces twisted as they read it. I had to snatch it from them just to find out why they were suddenly screaming accusations at me. 'Murderer.' 'Traitor.'"

Momone looked for all the world like what she was being told was only now beginning to make sense. Deep sadness pulled at her expression. “Even in war, that’s… gods, it’s terrible. So cruel…”

“Before I’d even finished reading,” Claisent continued, “Eauglant had drawn his sword and run shrieking at me. The others followed... Mad with grief. With rage. They fell for Subier's bait without a second thought... I just... I had to defend myself." His voice quavered, though he didn’t appear to have noticed. He stared unfocused at the far wall. Momone pulled her gaze away and frowned, a mask of anger giving way to sympathy, sadness.

“…I’m…. I’m so sorry, Claisent.”

Claisent closed his eyes. He collected himself enough to manage a shallow nod of acknowledgement and thanks.

"...When it was over, I took the letter, gathered what provisions I could, and ran. There was naught left for me there... far too many bodies to bury. The beasts and the snow would claim them… I abandoned the war. Both sides wanted my head. Both had lost my loyalty. I struck south and wandered. Collected myself. Tried to decide what I would do. I found myself in Ul'dah... found my way to the hall of the Kindred."

Momone gave a slow nod. “And that’s where we met you…”

“Aye. Damn well saved me. Gave me something new to fight for – something real.”

Momone looked at the floor again. "It's... difficult for me to know what is right in all of this. ... maybe, it's easier because I'm not of Ishgard. But... the Ishgardians and the Dravanians fought for... so long. You..." She pulled her head up. "...Before you lost your friends, I'd guess you fought and killed your share of Ishgardians, too?"

"...Aye, my share. Saw them as the enemy - all of us converts had come to see them as the enemy."

"...So... for the Ishgardian Inquisition to retaliate during that time was... the nature of war." She sighed and folded her arms. "...But too cruel... even in war, there's a certain code of conduct, but..." She looked back up to Claisent. "...You say he continued - that he's been continuing, after the peace?"

"He has. In his fanatic mind, heretics don't deserve peace. They deserve to be rooted out and destroyed, wherever he may find them. And he's not alone - plenty of fundamentalists opposed Ser Aymeric's rise to power, and still oppose the ongoing changes." At that, Momone’s lips pursed sharply; clearly displeased by that prospect rather than resigned to some horror of war. "Well... in those terms, it's simpler to decide what is just. If he's continued, despite peace, and in the name of the Holy See or the Church... then he needs to be stopped.” She canted her head at Claisent. "...But, this is about revenge for you first, is it not?"

"...I won't lie. My reasons for wanting his head on a spike are very personal. But he has a lot of support - Temple Knights who answer to him, clergymen and nobles who offer his cause their support under the table."

Momone arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Is there no evidence with which to accuse this man, or his followers, and bring him to justice? ... even in the Holy See, there is a judiciary!"

Claisent gave a shrug. "Were he just one man, I'd take his head and be done with it. But I can't be certain how deep this bloody conspiracy has dug its roots. If I'm going to stop him and his supporters both, I need to drag the whole thing into the light... Which brings me, at last, to the reason I'm telling you all of this.

"I've been compiling evidence, slowly and surely, through my own investigation. Locations, material finds, names of priests and citizens with connections to Subier and his little splinter cell of Temple Knights. But like I said, Subier has found out that I'm onto him. If he moves against me, he'll do it fast and hard - won't give me a chance to make any clever plays. So I... wish for you to do it for me, if you're willing to lend me your aid.”

“M-me?!”

Claisent thumbed his greatsword. “Here’s what I want you to do. I've kept my dossier of evidence in a safe place, and I’ll be leaving the sword there tonight. If you have a map of the Black Shroud on you, I'll mark the location. Over the next few weeks, you may hear these words over your linkpearl: 'raise up the righteous.' If you hear that signal, or if I simply drop out of contact altogether, you'll know that I've been found out. Go to my drop point immediately, and uncover the dossier.

“Reach out to Kosetsu if you hear the signal, and explain to her while you recover the documents. Have her take the sword - if there's any chance you may be able to find me and help me, I'll like have need of a good weapon."

Momone patted through her belongings while Claisent spoke. She eventually reached a pouch at her back from which she produced a roll of several sheets of parchment. From among those, she brought a map of the Black Shroud to the fore, offered it to Claisent; he produced a stick of black chalk to mark a spot familiar to the Lalafell with a small cross. ”I… This is all so cloak and dagger.” She looked worriedly up at Claisent. “How… will we know where to find you? If at all? And what am I to do with what you leave at this drop point?”

"Make all haste to Ishgard. Take the dossier to the Tribunal, and present it as proof of Subier's plot. He'll think he has me at his mercy - he won't expect me to have struck the death blow from elsewhere."

Momone’s expression was yet full of questions. "I- I'm sorry, I just walk into the Tribunal? Without an appointment? What if you're not there? And will they even speak with a-a foreigner?"

“They'll have to. Unless every man in the building is in Subier's pocket already, they can't argue with hard evidence. Besides, you'll have Kosetsu with you - I guarantee she won't take no for an answer."

"W-well, yes, but... you still haven't said what we do if you're not there!” Momone protested. “W-we'll need to rescue you first!"

Claisent looked away, pursed his lips. “…That part, I’m not certain of yet.”

This simple response caught Momone quite off guard. A lengthy silence passed; she stared at him in fearful wonder.

“…You value seeing this man fall more than your own life, don’t you?”

Claisent found himself staring at the far wall again. His expression was almost flat, and he spoke at first without pomp or gravity when he opened his mouth to answer.” Frankly, he might just end me on the spot. He might want to take his time and enjoy having finally gotten the better of me. I don't care. My first love and my best friends went to their deaths believing me guilty of a betrayal I didn't commit. I have to bring the truth to light. Whatever it takes.”

“Claisent…” Momone’s voice bore a note of deep sadness.

“Momone… Only you and Kosetsu can see this through for me, true and strong as you are. I dare not ask it of anyone else. If it costs me my life, I'll know I've left the rest in the best hands…” Quite suddenly, he leaned forward off his chair to kneel before his Lalafellin companion. “I beg of you. Help me put a stop to this fanatic.”

Momone near recoiled in surprise, gazing at the Elezen. “I…” Caught off guard by his sudden earnestness, a faint flush filled her cheeks. She took a moment to compose herself, gave a nod. “I-I will. This is the sort of wrong a Free Paladin is meant to set right.” Her face set into a more solemn expression, and she gave another, decisive nod. “I promise.”

The worry on Claisent’s face was washed away by relief. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“Do… are you going to have another weapon with you? Where are you going, exactly?”

“To continue my investigation, in Ishgard proper.” The Elezen climbed to regain his seat. “If I can find any other way to strengthen my case against Subier, I’d be a fool not to. All of this… this is just me taking precautions in case he strikes first.”

Momone looked back down at the marked map. “…Will we have enough right now, in case he…?”

Claisent nodded. “It’s… pretty damning, taken on its face. What's important is that it implicates a host of people other than him. Key members of his support in the city, fundamentalists who quietly champion his cause."

Momone nodded along. "If his support is as deep as you say, then... yes, one would need to bring them to light, too." She began to roll the maps back up to stow them away in their pouch. “Raise up the righteous,” she murmured to herself, then looked up at Claisent. He caught her eye, managed a smile for a moment, then turned away. He pressed his eyes shut, frowning apologetically.

“…I’m sorry, Momone. It… it’s not fair of me to drop all of this on you at once. I just… I’m not sure where else to turn.”

Momone pivoted in her chair to fully face the Elezen. "Oh, there's no reason to be sad. It's... These sorts of things are what I think I've always been meant to do." She mustered her characteristic sunny smile. “…May I tell you a story, in kind?”

Claisent couldn’t help but crack a smile of his own at the infectious cheer on Momone’s face. “Of course.”

“All my life, the only thing I ever wanted to be was Sultansworn: to be the embodiment of the knights of old, protecting the House of Thorne - and later Ul, of course. I trained as hard as I could... joined the Immortal Flames... and even saw Carteneau before I took my trials, and my oaths, and became a paladin.” She kept up her smile. "Three cycles afterwards, I resigned - and begged Papashan's leave to walk as a Free Paladin. And do you want to know the reason why?"

Claisent’s face fell so hard, he almost had to physically reach to keep his jaw off the floor. This cheery little knight was at Carteneau?!

“…Why?”

"Because I realised that there were people out there who needed a paladin more than Her Grace did. Someone to stand beside them, and with them, through all their trials and their weakest moments - even if they're normally very strong." Melancholy briefly crossed her face. "I... still carry regret over breaking that vow; something I pray Thal, Halone, and the others of the Twelve will grant forgiveness when my time comes. But nevertheless: with the help of Kosetsu, and many other friends, I came to that conclusion."

Her sunny smile returned. "...I believe I was meant to help bear the burdens of others when they need it most. And if they truly need me, and are just, then I will."

Claisent felt a thoroughly genuine smile having fixed itself upon his face after hearing Momone out. Awash with new admiration, he gazed into her warm, resolute eyes. “…You’re truly a formidable woman, Momone.”

She raised a hand to wave away the compliment. "N-not really! Just always trying to give things my best. Anyroad... Do not lament confiding in me something deeply personal and painful. ... I am grateful, actually!"

Claisent nodded. "...I do feel a little better. It's... weighed on me so heavily, all this time."

“Have you not had many people to speak to about it?”

“You’re… what, the fourth person to have heard the full story. Naturally, it’s… not something I’ve wished to wear on my sleeve.”

“Yes, I-I suppose I can understand. Still – thank you for confiding in me.”

Another nod from the Elezen. “…I hold out hope that things in Ishgard will get better.”

“So do I… Is there anything else that I ought to know before you set out?”

“…Come armed. Mayhap you’ll catch me at the Tribunal; mayhap you’ll have to search for me. Either way, don’t expect me to be handed over without a fight.”

Momone gave a resolute nod. “I understand. We’ll… come ready for the worst, then.” She hopped off her seat, set about fastening her scabbard belt about her, fetched her shield. Likewise, Claisent stood and retrieved his greatsword. The Lalafell craned her head up to look at her companion, nearly three times her height. “…I wish you luck, Clai. I’ll pray that Halone will watch over you, especially.”

“…Likewise, Momone. Worst comes to worst, you’ll have a battle ahead – but I wouldn’t want to be the poor sod who tries to keep you and Kosetsu from me.”

Momone nodded enthusiastically. “Kosetsu is nothing if not determined! …And the same goes for me, too, I suppose. After all – I made a promise now! I can’t go back on that.” That sunny smile remained; Claisent smiled in kind.

“Truly, I couldn’t be in safer hands.”

The deadbolt clanked loudly; the heavy cell door creaked open. Two Temple Knights, hidden behind their featureless helms, marched into the dank room. From his spot in the corner, Claisent raised his head to sneer up at them, blinking blearily to look past the blood that caked his face. The knights stooped over, grabbed him by the arms, hauled him to his feet. Subier appeared in the doorway; the knights shoved Claisent forward, still holding him.

“It’s time,” he declared, sounding thoroughly pleased with himself.

“For what?” Claisent deadpanned.

“Your trial, of course!” Subier sounded almost excited. “Since you’re my prisoner, it wouldn’t do for you to simply disappear. So you’ll be brought before the Tribunal. You will answer for your crimes against Halone there.” He strode forward, swung a sudden hooking punch. The knights released Claisent as he reeled beneath the blow, let him sink to a knee. He raised his hands defensively across his head in the instant before he was pulled back to his feet.

“This could not have been more overdue,” Subier sneered. His excitement was gone; his voice dripped with fresh malice. Claisent only smiled defiantly.

“The Tribunal?” he repeated. “Of course you realise I’m going to fight.

“Raise up the righteous and cast down the wicked, and all that.”

[mythicvelocity]

Mercy76 Week Day 4- Reunion

Hey everyone! So I am so sorry that I didn’t post this earlier, but I have been busy! That is also why I am posting this even though it has already been posted on Ao3 and fanfiction.net :/ Anywho, I really like this work so I hope you enjoy it if you haven’t read it yet! 

“Right”

The rain fell parallel with the tears from his eyes. He would have laughed at himself for doing such a childish thing, but there's nothing funny about when a soldier cries, especially when it's over a loved one he lost due to his selfish actions.

He remembers everything about her like it was yesterday. Her fair, soft skin, dreamy blue eyes and melodic voice. Her silky platinum blonde hair and her laugh of pure gold. She was utterly perfect. How he got lucky enough to steal her heart he would never know. He always believed his Angel could obtain someone much better, and this further proved his point.

Honestly, sometimes Jack wished he would find someone who would love her just like he had. He didn't want her to hurt because of what he did. He beat himself up on the daily because he felt as if he was the sole reason for any suffering Angela ever encountered. He didn't want her spending sleepless nights in the arms of nobody, longing for someone she would never get to see again. He wanted her to feel the love she deserved again.

Jack wouldn't call himself a stalker. He just wanted to make sure she was safe. He truly hoped that Angela didn't think to much about the sightings of the vigilante named Soldier 76 near whatever city she was in. He tried his hardest to stay undetected, but there were always young punks somewhere that needed a good beating and stuff like that wasn't so easy to hide.

The fact that he was so close to her, yet couldn’t touch her or be with her was difficult to get used to. Some days were easier than others, but some days he could almost feel her loving touches ghosting over his skin in mockery. So close, but so far away. Keeping her safe was tearing him apart, but he was ok with that. As long as his Angel was out of harm’s way. He knew she could defend herself well enough and that she probably didn’t need someone else to be watching out for her, but he couldn’t see her suffer more than she already had. He would never forgive himself for that. Hell, he still hadn’t forgiven himself for all the pain he had put her through with the downfall of Overwatch, and he’d be damned if he ever did.

Sitting in this safe house in the middle of Dorado, Mexico, the blood of the Los Muertos fresh on his hands, he felt utterly and completely lost. A call had just been sent out. He was surprised that the old gorilla still had his phone number, let alone was brave enough to recall the same organization that had produced so much controversy in the world. Part of him despised Winston for it.

He could only imagine the strain that was put on Angela’s shoulders from the recall. Her lover’s organization, being pulled back together again without their leader. It would be a difficult decision for her. He didn’t want her to join again, in all honesty. He wouldn’t be there to keep her safe. Side by side with  her on the front lines of the most dangerous battles, keeping an eye out for her well being. What if she was killed? He couldn’t live with that. If she found it in her to join again, he would have to follow her. How he would get himself into Overwatch, he didn’t know, and how he would keep his identity would be an even bigger challenge, but if it meant protecting his beloved from the dangers of the world, he would do it.

It was three months later. The night after the first mission the newly reformed Overwatch had completed. They had won, no doubt, but it was a pretty rough battle. Mercy almost had to revive D.Va from the dead, and although the healing technology was helping her recover, she was still in pretty rough shape. The mission was extremely difficult for him. He did what he usually did, keep Angela safe, but he had to make it as discreet as possible. Not only did he have to struggle with keeping his identity concealed, he had to adjust to not being the leader of the team.

It was difficult watching others make decisions that he normally made, and even more difficult watching them make decisions he knew would lead to negative consequences. He knew when Lena called for them to move forward into an unknown circumstance somebody would get hurt, and when it turned out to be Hana, he was even more angry. Something about that girl brought out a fatherly instinct in him, and while he didn’t know why, he felt the need to protect her almost as much as he needed to protect Angela. The whole mission had been taxing on him, as it had been on everybody, but his old muscles were complaining. This work wasn’t as easy as it used to be.

He knocked on the door frame of the open door leading to Angela’s office. “Mercy?” he asked in the gruffest voice he could muster. “Yes?” she asked, and as soon as he heard her voice, he knew she had been crying. Rounding the corner and walking into the room, he confirmed his suspicions. Her eyes were swollen and the tip of her nose was red. A few tissues were strewn across her desk, and next to them was a framed picture.

Jack’s heart dropped in his chest when he saw the picture in the frame. It was him and Angela, arms wrapped around each other, on the day of his promotion to Strike Commander. There he stood in Overwatch blue, the same azure color as Angela’s sparkling eyes. She was so proud of him, he remembered. Their smiles were the brightest and they looked so genuinely happy. That day was so hard for him. Reyes was hostile and the responsibilities he was going to carry seemed like they were already crushing him, but coming off the stage and being promptly enveloped by Angela’s beaming form was enough to make him smile too.

His hand quickly flew to his chest pocket, tracing over the image he knew was hidden in the fabric. The same exact image that he was staring at on her desk. His very favorite picture of them. A lump formed in his throat and he tried his hardest to swallow it. The tears that rimmed his eyes threatened to spill and he was grateful for the mask covering most of him face. “I… I came for some pain meds.” He said, voice slightly wavering. “This body ain’t what it used to be.” He attempted chuckling, but it wouldn’t come out. He felt so extremely guilty.

“Ah... “ Angela said, quickly wiping the tissues into the waste basket besides her desk and returning the photograph to its corrects place, “Before I’m allowed to give you anything, you need to complete your blood tests.” Shit.

“Um… I might be ok then.” he said, making his way back to the door. He had been avoiding this for so long. Mercy insisted on it, telling him they wouldn’t been able to treat him if they didn’t know vital information that would be revealed by his blood work, but he continued to dodge the tests. He wouldn’t let them figure out who he was. They had to have his blood still in the medical database. There was always the chance that they weren’t able to recover the data from after the explosion, but he knew the records had to be stored somewhere else.

“Please tell me it isn’t because you’re afraid of needles or something.” she grinned slightly. God. Even when she had been in tears just minutes previous, her smile was still so damn gorgeous.

“No, that’s ridiculous.”  he scoffed.

“Then what’s holding you back?” she asked.

Oh how he wished he could tell her. He wished he could just hold her and never let her go, tell her he’s sorry, ask for her heart back again. He wanted her to understand why he had to go away, and why it was for her good, but he couldn’t let her know. He couldn’t put her in that position. He kept her safe and sound for so long, but watching her cry made him question his motives. Looking from the picture on her desk, back to her still-glassy eyes, he figured he had nothing to lose. Maybe that data wouldn’t even be there anymore, and John “Jack” Morrison would be erased for good and replaced by Soldier: 76, just like he should be. “Alright.” he grumbled.

“Come on then.” she gestured, leading him to sit down on one of the exam tables in the medical bay she called her office. “I’ll need you to take of your jacket, please.” Peeling off the leather material that had become like a second skin to him, he cursed himself in his mind for letting emotions take control of this situation.”It will only hurt a little bit, I promise.” she joked, wiping the inside of this arm with a small alcohol wipe.

Tying his arm off above the elbow, she uncapped the needle and slowly slid it into his vein. He winced as it broke the skin, and she stroked the side of his arm. “It’s only a twenty two gauge needle Soldier,” she laughed, “Is it really that bad?”

Jack couldn’t even answer her question sarcastically. The small touches had sent electricity up his spine. Oh, how he missed her and the feeling of her skin on his. He was so enthralled in memories of her body flush against his that he didn’t even feel the needle being pulled out of this arm. “Hold this.” she said, placing his hand on the square of gauze held over the sight of where the needle had been placed, “And apply pressure.”

He took a deep breath as she walked over to the nearby counter and placed the vial of his blood into a small machine that whirred to life at the push of a button. “In a matter of minutes we will truly know who is behind that mask.” she joked. His knees felt weak at that saying. She didn’t know how literal that saying was to him.

“Those pain killers?” he asked, attempting to take his mind off of the fact everything he was trying to hide may become revealed in only a few minutes. “Oh yes,” she said, opening a cabinet to the left of him, “Give me a second…”

“That picture…” Jack blurted out. He regretted saying that the moment the words came out of his mouth. He almost slapped himself at that. Why did he bring that up. Did he want to make Angela more upset, or reveal who he was. HIs heart pounded so loudly in his chest, he was surprised Angela couldn’t hear it. Looking towards the photo on her desk, her face fell.

“That’s Jack.” she mumbled, “He… We…” she stuttered.

“You guys were together.” Jack finished for her.

“Yes…” she took a deep breath, “before he passed.”

Jack just nodded, and watched Mercy come undone in front of him. She let the tears fall down her cheeks, and she let out a quiet sniffle. Angela never broke down like this in front of strangers. Hell, she would barely let herself through even when she was with Jack. Of course, he saw right through her tough facade and would tell her it was ok, and she would finally let down her walls. In front of strangers though, the world around her could have been ending, and you would have thought everything was ok. Jack knew that because she was willing to let her tears out in front of someone so foreign to her, she was in a whole world of pain.

“I didn’t even get to bury him.” she said, shaking. “There’s so much that I want to say to him. So much more I could have done to let him know how much he really meant to me.” Her shoulders trembled as her eyes cried and all Jack wanted to was grab her and hold her tight and take of his mask. His breathing was unstable and guilt came and filled him like a flash flood. At this moment in time, he yearned to be Jack again. Maybe this was his chance, and just maybe he would take it.

“I just wish I could get the chance to tell him how much I really love him. She choked, a sob escaping her throat. As she leaned up against the cabinet and let her knees buckle, the machine reading Jack’s blood let out a tone.

“Data recorded. Match found.” It read.

“Well maybe,” Jack said, grasping the edge of the mask covering his face, making a decision that would forever change things, “You’ll get that chance.”

“Strike Commander John Morrison. Blood type: A+”

Angela’s jaw dropped as the cold, metal mask hit the floor. Jack was practically shaking. Now Angela knew, and there was no take backs. Regaining her balance, Angela advance towards him with caution. Jack wasn’t sure how to read her face. There was definitely surprise in her expression, and he saw love and longing, but he wasn’t sure what else he saw was.

The sting across his face and the sharp sound that echoed throughout the room confirmed what emotion he saw. Yup. Definitely anger. The slap had taken him by surprise, but what surprised him even more was what she did next.

Falling into his chest, arms wrapped around his neck, she let her knees give out as she clung to him for dear life. She went from disdain to yearning in a matter of seconds. He didn’t blame her. Finding out your lover was alive after grieving for many years had to be an astonishment for anybody.

“Why?” she choked out, as he held her up with his strong arms. She kept asking herself this over and over as she wept in his embrace.

“I love you, Angel.” he whispered in her ear, stroking her blonde hair that was now a slight mess due to her upset.

“Do you Jack?” she pulled away from him and met his eyes with her tear-filled ones. “You let me suffer for five years. I mourned you, I never had closure and I went through so many things alone only wishing you could be there.”

The venom that laced her voice concerned him. Did he do the right thing?

“You are my everything Jack, and not a day went by when I didn’t feel guilty and heartbroken for what happened in that building. You left me with so many doubts, so many regrets and so many words left unspoken. I love you, god damnit, and I had to live without you. How can you tell me you love me when I had to endure all that because of you.”

Her voice cracked at that statement, and the melancholy that filled her tone shattered his heart. “You know I wouldn’t do something like this if I didn’t have a motive.” he practically whispered. He couldn’t bring his tone any louder, or he would break down too.

“After Overwatch fell, if I was alive, they would have been after me. The UN, terrorist organizations, people who hated the work I did. They would have blamed that explosion on me. Blamed me for the lives lost that day. I know you wouldn’t have left my side, and when they came after me, they would be after you too.

“I could never let you be killed in the crossfire of a battle between me and the rest of the world. You came to Overwatch to help save lives. You never asked for all of what happened. You weren’t a killer like they accused us all of being. You were so innocent.I was not going to let them take you and use you against me. I did it to keep you safe.”

A few tears leaked from his eyes, but he was quick in wiping them away. “You are here, Angela, and you are safe. And now I don’t have to hide from you anymore.”

She sobbed in silence. Her sorrow, relief and anger poured out of her and the sound of it filled the room. He did not know how much time had passed before she looked up at him and wiped her eyes, sniffling slightly.

“Jack?” she asked in a tired, broken voice.

“Please don’t ever leave me again.” More tears ran down his scarred face at the sound of her voice.

“Never again, Angel.” he said, wrapping her still-trembling form tightly in his strong frame, as if to make sure he would never be able to lose her.

Gently touching his face and drinking in the differences that would take her a while to recognize, she pressed her lips to his.

This kiss could not be defined as gentle or graceful, for it held five years of longing and desperation. It was in this kiss she understood his desire to keep her safe and sound. Time seemed to melt away and it felt like just yesterday she had been kissing him and congratulating him for his newly received and hard-earned promotion. All anger left her and all apprehensiveness left him. Nothing stood between them.

That night, laying with his beloved wrapped tightly in his arms, revelling in the feeling of bare skin on bare skin after enjoying eachother with unsuppressed passion, he realized that he had done the right thing.

[obtusemedia]

Top 10 Albums of 2016

Better late than never, right? 

2016 was a slightly down year for music overall, with lots of albums that I found to be decent-but-not-great. Sure, there were a few that blew my mind (we’ll get to them), but it certainly paled in comparison to 2015′s sterling batch of modern classics. Lots of albums featured incredible singles but diluted the product with too much filler (looking at you, Starboy and Blank Face LP).

However, I will say this: 2016 might not have had quantity, but it certainly had quality in small doses. This year’s top album is arguably the second best of the decade (first prize is pretty much guaranteed to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, since that’s possibly my favorite album of all time). And it was certainly better than the bland wasteland of 2014, which had maybe three albums I still revisit occasionally (that would be Bleachers, Run the Jewels, and Spoon). So while the honorable mentions and bottom couple picks of my Top 10 might not have reached my year-end countdown in a stronger year like 2010, 2013, or 2015, they’re still very solid albums that deserve some praise. Let’s dig in.

(Also: Run the Jewels 3 will not be on this list. I’m counting it as a 2017 album, since it only existed for the last week of 2016, and the physical copy came out this year. My list, my rules.) 

HONORABLE MENTIONS

>Anti by Rihanna: I never expected to enjoy most of a Rihanna album front-to-back, but here we are. Ri’s got far more of an artistic vision than I realized.

>Welcome The Worms by Bleached: If it didn’t limp to the finish line with a few weaker songs, this collection of razor-sharp pop-rock tunes would’ve earned a top 5 spot easily. Aggressively Los Angeles in the best way possible.

>I Had A Dream That You Were Mine by Hamilton Leithauser+Rostam: It feels a bit like Vampire Weekend gone Americana, and it doesn’t work occasionally, but sometimes, you need some pretty chamber pop in your life.

>Atrocity Exhibition by Danny Brown: Maybe it captures the feeling of losing your sanity to drugs a little too well to be listenable sometimes, but when Danny’s on, he’s on. Aggressively Detroit in the best way possible.

>Pretty Years by Cymbals Eat Guitars: There’s not a bad song here in this Springsteen-worshiping garage rock album. Unfortunately, outside of a few standouts, there’s nothing really mind-blowing either. Consider this the #11 pick.

#10: Human Performance by Parquet Courts

Parquet Courts have written individual songs better than anything here — shoutout to “Borrowed Time” — but Human Performance strings together a collection of songs that at first seem mismatched in both musical stylings and lyrical themes, and somehow make them fit seamlessly together. “Steady On My Mind” would make for an excellent wedding first-dance ballad, and it’s on the same record as the spiteful breakup title track and “Berlin Got Blurry,” about a troubled long-distance relationship. Songs like “Outside” or “Keep It Even” are simple, catchy, almost folk-esque tunes that could’ve been written in the 70s; Meanwhile, “I Was Just Here” is a discordant, alien tune about a Chinese takeout joint disappearing that would’ve freaked out most fans of The Band. One song is about dust (yes, literally), another song is about dead cops.

The wide range of subjects and sounds on Human Performance are all tied together by both Andrew Savage’s monotone vocals, as well as the fact that life itself is random. Your brain can jump to and from many different subjects and emotions throughout even one day, let alone a year or two. Human Performance describes a vast berth of scenarios, and ties them all to catchy indie-rock tunes that merge New York cool with Texas swagger. Besides, it was about time somebody wrote a song about dust.

Best 3 Songs: “Berlin Got Blurry,” “Human Performance,” “Steady on My Mind”

#9: Still Brazy by YG

In 2014, I was mildly annoyed by YG. He wasn’t the worst, but I viewed him more or less as DJ Mustard’s house rapper, and I was sick of Mustardwave that year. Luckily, YG ditched him and got to play with some superior production that leans much closer to classic 90s G-Funk. If there was a Most Improved Award this year, YG would easily be in the running (there’s a couple other contenders we’ll get to in a bit).

The Compton rapper finds a precarious balance of gangster stories and legit issues in his lyrics. Sure, he’ll have a blast turning up and repping his Bloods, but he also has multiple tracks about his growing paranoia. Did he make a huge mistake by entering the gang life? Now he’s got a permanent target on his back, both by cops and by rival gang members, and ever since his rap career blew up, he’s had obnoxious hangers-on begging for scraps. He even got shot! 

At the same time, YG is reluctantly willing to be a major political voice in the music scene with the tour-de-force final three songs on the album. The final two, “Blacks and Browns” and Police Get Away With Murder,” are about systemic racism in general, while the infamous “FDT” is a direct shot at our new President. It’s a ballsy move, and one that I’m sure got him on Secret Service watchlists, but as a visceral expression of anger towards a broken system, it’s absolutely worth the controversy. In a year where it would’ve been nice to see more mainstream rappers tackle the toxic political climate, YG was able to step to the challenge without getting preachy. 

Best 3: “Blacks and Browns,” “FDT,” “Why You Always Hatin?”

#8: Psychopomp by Japanese Breakfast

Fun fact: A “psychopomp” is some sort of a deity that guides souls of recently deceased people into the afterlife. 

Another fun fact: I just looked that up five seconds ago. 

The title certainly makes a lot more sense now, but even without that context clue, Psychopomp is very clearly an album about the aftermath of tragedy, in this case, the death of a mother. Michelle Zauner, for whom Japanese Breakfast is a solo project separate from her old gig in Little Big League, focuses more on how that grief and trauma can reverberate through the rest of one’s life, particularly one’s love life. The music sounds like fog feels: cloudy, fuzzy, and dense. The only thing that cuts through the walls of ambient synths and chiming guitars are Zauner’s high-pitched, emotional wails. It’s quite haunting.

Psychopomp also somehow manages to be both a perfect album at noon and midnight. Nocturnal, hazy songs like “The Woman That Loves You” and “Jane Cum” are right next to sunny, more guitar-driven tunes like “Rugged Country” and “Heft.” But both the night tunes and the day tunes work in the other environment as well. Psychopomp isn’t bright or pitch-black: it’s grey with neon tinges. Just like one’s mind after being rendered numb from emotional trauma. Japanese Breakfast’s debut is a gorgeous slice of shoegaze-flavored indie pop, and hopefully a follow-up can be a bit longer than Psychopomp’s under-30 minute running time.

Best 3: “In Heaven,” “The Woman That Loves You,” “Rugged Country.”

#7: Blonde by Frank Ocean

I’m normally allergic to quiet, contemplative music with minimal percussion. My tastes generally lean towards songs with grooves, or something that features powerful emotion. Give me Japandroids over Norah Jones any day. If something is going to be low-key, it better be damn good to grab my attention. This does happen occasionally: I adored Sufjan Stevens’ Carrie & Lowell in 2015, and Frank Ocean’s Blonde also falls in that category.

The songs here are fairly formless and wandering, but it works well with Ocean’s stream-of-consciousness lyrics. This sounds like a diary being read aloud, put to breathtakingly gorgeous melodies, and backed up with music that yes, is quiet for the most part, but is still powerful. Although it does get too slow in a few points for my taste, Blonde is a total tear-jerker. It’s the kind of album you have to just lie down and let soak in. He takes some obvious influences — Prince in “Ivy,” the Beach Boys in “Self Control,” the Beatles in “White Ferrari” — and somehow makes them feel fresh and novel.

Blonde achieves something rare: It creates a sound and feel all its own. This isn’t the best album of 2016, but it’s definitely the most unique, and probably will be the one that will inspire the most artists moving forward.

Best 3: “Self Control,” “Ivy,” “Nights”

#6: Puberty 2 by Mitski

I just have to say, this might’ve gotten a bump if it was named Puberty 2: Son of Puberty or something like that. The best sequels have ridiculous titles!

Jokes aside, Puberty 2 as a title is dead-on: All of the songs here describe the period of one’s life that Mitski calls a “second puberty.” In your 20s, you’re confused, overly emotional, and everything seems to be collapsing. Pretty much the same thing you go through in your teens, except this time, you have to take care of yourself financially. Yikes. 

Mitski writes songs like a surgeon performs surgery: Precise and cutting. There were few lyrics this year that sums up one’s 20s as well as “I want to see the whole world/I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent/I want to see the whole world,” and that’s just one example out of a countless many on Puberty 2.

There’s also “Your Best American Girl,” the album’s centerpiece showstopper about racial identity and how it conflicts with both a one-on-one relationship and American society as a whole. It sounds complex, but she somehow distills it into a 90s alt rock power ballad that would make Billy Corgan cry. Puberty 2 doesn’t reach that high at any other point, but it comes quite close multiple times with other complicated subjects. 

Like Frank Ocean did with Blonde, Mitski poured out her soul with Puberty 2, and the final product is a gut-punch that leaves a lasting impact.

Best 3: “Your Best American Girl,” “Happy,” “My Body’s Made of Crushed Little Stars”

#5: The Life of Pablo by Kanye West

I realize that this album has been argued about to death over the past 11 months, so I’ll keep this brief. 

Yes, Pablo has some major flaws, like the 2nd half of “30 Hours,” a few embarrassing lyrical missteps, and how the album feels way too long. Still, at the end of the year, I kept coming back to Pablo and I realized something: It’s not without its massive issues, but it’s very, very entertaining. Love him or hate him, Kanye is the kind of person you can’t stop yourself from paying attention to, so even his weakest albums are going to necessary listening on some level. 

And for all its flaws, Pablo’s highs are INSANELY high. There’s a reason why “Ultralight Beam” is already a new gospel standard. There’s a reason why the drop of “Father Stretch My Hands” instantly became a classic meme. There’s a reason everyone loses their minds and raps/sings along to every word when Kanye starts playing “Waves” (and “I Love Kanye!”) at a show. 

At the end of Kanye’s career, Pablo won’t be recognized as one of Yeezy’s peaks by any means, but it’ll be remembered as a noble mess that contains some of his all-time best tracks. 

Best 3 Songs: “Ultralight Beam,” “Real Friends,” “Famous” (the Aziz Ansari/Eric Wareheim video for this might be Kanye’s greatest video ever, FYI)

#4: Lemonade by Beyoncé

Alright, alright, I give in. Beyoncé made a masterpiece with this one. I will always be a sucker for albums that tell a story, and Lemonade’s is a doozy. Jay Z cheated on Bey? And now Bey is going to bring out her “Irreplaceable” character, but in real life this time? And, somehow, she deigns to forgive him and try to make the marriage work? I find it fascinating, especially because Beyoncé adds details in her songs that really flesh out the whole story, both musically and lyrically. “Don’t Hurt Yourself” might be one of the best fuck-off anthems I’ve ever heard with its earth-shaking, furious garage rock sound (Beyoncé should seriously consider doing a rock album), “6 Inch” both captures the highs and lows of independence, and “All Night” captures the ecstasy of reuniting with a past love with perfect precision. 

Of course, Beyoncé ventures outside the central story for a few tracks like the country-flavored “Daddy Lessons” and of course, “Formation,” which I don’t need to tell y’all is untouchable. Oh, and she also manages to squeeze in discussing the realities of living as a black woman in an oppressive society without being overly on-the-nose. It’s both radical, yet catchy enough for your Republican parents to not care. I don’t know how she pulled it off, honestly.

Normally, I find praising Beyoncé to be sort-of obnoxious and overdone (and let’s be honest, some Beyhive people take it a bit far), but with Lemonade, Beyoncé is finally as flawless as her obsessive fans claim she is. A sterling exclamation point on an increasingly legendary pop career.

Top 3: “Formation,” “Don’t Hurt Yourself,” “Sorry”

#3: I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it by The 1975

*insert obligatory joke here about how awful that album title is*

If you ignore the title, The 1975 came through with the best pop album of 2016, and in a year that featured career-best albums from Beyoncé, Rihanna, and Frank Ocean (and a seriously underwhelming Gaga album...sigh), that’s no small feat. 

It’s crazy to think that less than a year ago, I thought of them as some C-list boy band who had a couple solid tunes, but weren’t any more special than other semi-okay pretty-boy bands like The Neighbourhood. They obviously proved me wrong: I like it... is Reagan-era pop perfection. They might be The 1975, but they sure sound like 1987.

With 17 songs (!) and a 74-minute runtime (!!!), on first glance, it seems that I like it... would suffer from the same symptoms of other overlong, filler-stuffed pop albums from this year, like Views or Starboy, but shockingly, they really did have 17 killer pop tunes. Okay, maybe more like 15, the last two acoustic-guitar ballads are audio NyQuil, but .882 is an incredible batting average for an album this long. This album stays fresh due to the band’s varied inspirations. It’s like a big costume party, where they dress up as INXS, My Bloody Valentine, Chromatics, Huey Lewis, and Blur in the 19 era. And somehow, they pull all of them off. 

Sure, the late 80s weren’t the greatest time for pop music, but Matt Healy and Co. take that spotty source material and transcend it to create a narrative about drugs, girls, religion, selling out, and mental illness that’s somehow still catchy as hell. Old-school pop music doesn’t get much better than this, folks.

Best 3: “The Sound,” “Somebody Else,” “A Change of Heart”

#2: Coloring Book by Chance the Rapper

I love it when an artist’s potential is actually realized. How many talented young rappers have started hot and then collapsed down the stretch, never to deliver a fantastic album? As much as I enjoyed “Trap Queen,” Fetty Wap is still seeking his flawless full-length project. B.o.B. lost his mind. A$AP Ferg followed up a super-promising debut with a complete try-hard disaster of a sophomore record this year. Those artists that finally meet expectations ascend to the level of greats: Kanye reached it with Late Registration. Kendrick reached it with Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City. Drake reached that with Take Care (and is currently squandering it). And Chance the Rapper, after a stellar breakout in 2013′s Acid Rap, and a slight setback in 2015′s forgettable Surf, finally became the top-tier rapper we all knew he could be with Coloring Book, the best hip-hop album of 2016.

Chance’s exuberance has already been well-documented at this point, but that still doesn’t lessen how “No Problem,” “Blessings,” and “Finish Line” (with T-Pain!!!) put a giant grin on my face. He certainly doesn’t shy away from the darkness, discussing Chicago’s violence problems and growing apart from old friends in subtle and poetic ways. Because Chance’s overwhelming chipper-ness can be a bit much sometimes, I also appreciate how he was willing to slow it down for a few songs and get a little more dour. Hell, the best song here, “All Night,” is about him being annoyed on a night out. The man’s got more range than we gave him credit for.

2016 was a dark year, which is exactly why a cheerful, optimistic, yet realistic album like Coloring Book is exactly what we all needed. 

Best 3: “All Night,” “Angels,” “Same Drugs”

#1: Teens of Denial by Car Seat Headrest

I don’t know if I’ve heard an album that’s so meticulously specific, yet bracingly relatable, as Teens of Denial. 

Like Lemonade, Teens tells one story for its entire run time. Here’s the synopsis: Singer/songwriter/guitarist Will Toledo (using the pseudonym “Joe”) has depression. His friends and parents don’t really care, tell him to get over himself, and say it’s all his fault anyways. He becomes dependent on alcohol and drugs to numb the pain, and after a while, they begin to make him feel worse. That makes his friends hate him, his family chastise him, and even Jesus himself shows up in a cameo to pile on the guy and inform him he won’t go to heaven. He makes a pledge to himself to turn his life around, then immediately drives drunk, gets arrested for a DUI, and breaks down in the cop car. He has a existential crisis that involves a lot of screaming at the universe, and his mind blocks out any comfort from others and replaces it with a raging, loud “FUCK YOU.” Overwhelmed by the stresses of the world and everyone’s expectations on him, Toledo decides to just give up on life. That doesn’t mean suicide, by the way — it means to just do whatever he wants. Roll credits.

Sounds like a long, winding story, and obviously, it’s a bit too extreme to be 100% relatable to my own personal life (luckily, I’ve never driven drunk or dropped acid), but how Toledo conveys his emotions through meticulous, reference-heavy lyrics and visceral lo-fi guitar fuzz is so cathartic, that you find yourself relating to some part of it. And even if you don’t, you’ll get sucked in by Toledo’s masterful storytelling and his indie rock anthems that cross Pavement’s gritty guitar tones with U2′s stadium-sized emotions and choruses (as someone who loves both angsty 90s music and massive 80s music, this is my heaven).

Yes, Teens of Denial is incredibly depressing, and to be honest, kind of melodramatic at points. But some people get melodramatic when they get depressed; I know I do. Toledo stated he was inspired by 90s indie rock in terms of the sound, but lyrically, he took inspiration from emo acts. This marriage results in an album with the raw, unfiltered emotions of something like My Chemical Romance or Simple Plan, but from the perspective of a down-and-out 20-something rather than a hormonal teenager (and with much better music to boot), so its a bit less embarrassing. 

I can’t talk enough about how Teens of Denial perfectly mirrors how a certain subset of recent college graduates feels about life. In a way, it represents angsty Millennials like In Utero represented angsty Gen Xers. As an angsty Millennial, this was tailor-made for me, and it’s easily my favorite album of 2016. 

Top 3: “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales,” “The Ballad of the Costa Concordia,” “Destroyed By Hippie Powers” (but the whole album is flawless, so just listen to it all)

[ginnyzero]

Project Runway Hanging by a Thread

(Originally Posted in 2018)

The future of Project Runway is in doubt. Back in November, after the Weinstein scandal broke, A&E rescinded their contracts for Project Runway, including a separate contract for a movie, and sued the company for breach of contract alleging that Harvey used the show as a way to gain access to young models (horrifying if true.) Because of the Weinstein Group going into bankruptcy and the lawsuit, the rights and licenses of Project Runway and all the spin offs are for sale. (A&E and another company both want to buy them.)

I have little doubt that Project Runway will go on in some form in the future. It’s a well-liked program with several major celebrities attached. It has been imitated but no other fashion show (24 Hour Catwalk, Launch My Line, The Fashion Show, Fashion Star and so on) has been able to duplicate its success.

There are two names that we can thank for Project Runway’s success, Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum.

I’ve been working on my latest fashion project (an expanded collection of my Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad wolf club dresses) and the last day or two have had Bravo’s answer to Project Runway moving to Lifetime back in 2008 on YouTube in the background, The Fashion Show. And it wasn’t pretty.

From my list you can see that I’ve watched a lot of fashion competitions. All of them have been cancelled but Project Runway. Not that they didn’t have some good ideas to bring to the table competition wise. Most of them do not have the right mix of personalities of the hosts and mentors and judges to create a sympathetic viewing audience. Even the Project Runway spin offs have a difficult time coming up with a good combination of judges and a sympathetic mentor. Alyssa tries, she really does, but she’s still not as successful as Heidi.

Tim Gunn’s success hinges on his beautiful attitude that he wants everyone on the show to succeed. No other mentor I’ve seen can manage his style of honest sympathy and gentle loving critique. Tim Gunn cares for every contestant and when they aren’t doing their best, it upsets him because he wants them to push and grow and become better designers (and better people.) He also gives honest and helpful feedback that people even in their living rooms can understand because it’s not laced with industry terms or popular culture references. And he can do this because he listens. He tells the designers to talk to him and then he stands there and listens. (And his pose while he does this is very important because he’s thinking as he is listening.) Then, once the designer is finished, he gives feedback.

It was very telling to me that in the first season of the Fashion Show when Isaac Mizrahi and Kelly Rowland were being both mentor and judge (don’t do this darlings) that they listened and then didn’t give critique. Instead, they’d go and talk about it to each other out of ear shot of the designers and then wonder why the designs were so wrong and then have to say the same things again to the designer that they’d said to each other on the stage. It was like watching school girl’s gossip instead of watching a show about developing talent!

Many of the mentors that I see brought onto these fashion shows are brought on because of their connection to some part of the shows sponsorship or producing team with little thought or care about how these mentors come across on the screen. Production spends so much time screening the candidates for the show and then don’t take the time it feels to screen test or even test run the mentor they’ve selected. It’s the mentor that’s going to be there season after season and the candidates are always changing, so more care should be taken in selecting mentors and not less!

The host is just as important as the mentor. Heidi Klum can be controversial because she supposedly plays favorites, she shows too much leg and some still aren’t sure why she has any authority on fashion. But Heidi Klum manages to pull off that cheerful girl next door type of vibe. You could imagine living next door to Heidi Klum. She’s friendly. She fits in with her bubbly smile and her blonde hair and tanned skin. She’s that mother from your PTA. Americans like this. At the same time, being that she’s originally from Germany, she has a hint of “otherness” about her that also appeals to people. The expert is a stranger with a briefcase syndrome or in this case a German accent. She’s also very natural in front of a camera and can make canned phrases sound natural.

This is much harder than it sounds. Alyssa still has trouble with the cadence of Project Runway signature catch phrases. In the second season of the Fashion Show, they changed out Kelly Rowland for Iman and the poor woman sounded like a robot. (They also changed all the catch phrases and that didn’t help. You have to maintain brand.) Being in front of the camera for so many hours a day when things aren’t scripted for you is difficult!

So, soon there will be new producers and owners running this big franchise of Project Runway that (let’s be honest) is primarily geared to American audiences because it features American fashion. I know what I want to see.

More Tim Gunn and not less.

Forget drama in the sewing room. Back to basics, design and critique and mentoring sessions with Tim. And if they can’t get Tim to come in and mentor All Stars or Junior, then he honestly needs to be the major voice in choosing the next mentors that reflect his style that is the Project Runway brand. No more cold dead fish mentors. Ugh. I think the closest was Henry Roth of the first season of Australia. He had energy.

Speaking of drama in the sewing room. More talent. Less personality casting. I’m talking casting people like the twins from the latest season. (Serial reality show celebs should be a major no no.) Or people that only work in recycled materials. Or people that are so abrasive and egotistical that all they do is cause drama because no one wants to work with them and they don’t want to work with anyone else. Project Runway has never had a problem about diversity, thank goodness. They have a problem with bringing in designers of aesthetics that are so niche and so out of the box that they can’t connect to the judges or to the American audience.

Oh, and enough menswear designers already. Please, do a Project Runway: Menswear if you want to showcase menswear designers.

Models of all shapes and sizes. The last regular season of Project Runway did this as an experiment and it was a raging success. So much so, that the season of All Stars that aired right after it got criticized for not doing the same thing (even though the two shows had been taped at the same time. People forget this.) It’s time for more diversity and better body images presented on the runway and in fashion magazines and Project Runway has a national audience to push this change into the magazines. This is a huge step forward and may save us the embarrassing and cringe worthy episodes where designers don’t know what breasts are and say things like “Models are supposed to be walking hangars without curves to mess up the line of the clothes.”

Look, a model going down the runway is a standard size six. I’m a standard size four (six in outerwear) and that means I wear smalls, extra-smalls and size zeros in vanity sizing. This doesn’t expressly make me happy! Vanity sizing hurts people of all sizes, okay. If we can push that thin is best off the runway, maybe we can push the vanity sizing out of our stores and when I go in a size four will be a size four will be a size four everywhere.

More time.

The designers need more time to sew their designs. Period. Project Runway is becoming instead Project Pretty Dress. Things such as pants, jackets and shirts take time to drape, draft and sew properly. So instead of good two or three piece outfits, we get evening gown followed by a cocktail dress followed by an evening gown ad nausea.

Example, last season of All Stars (newbies versus vets) they did a distressing challenge. Meaning, they were to make new fabrics look like they’ve been through hell. And it was paired with the theme of Post-Apocalyptic Fashion, meaning Mad Max and waste landers. Of course, they were only given one day in the workroom to accomplish their feats of both making it look like it was after the end of the world and to make the fabric look torn, burnt or shredding or worn in some manner. (They were also to come up with a story. I laughed hysterically over some of them, a queen, really?)

It was a parade of evening gowns.

Look, the last thing you’re going to wear after the world has been devastated by a climate changing event is an evening gown. Now, some of these stories are “She was escaping from said climate changing event,” but still! (That’s not exactly what the brief called for either by the way. Post. Post. After! Not during!) Loot some trousers and find some running shoes! Protect your skin!

It made you wonder if they’d ever seen Mad Max. I wasn’t expecting leather and studs because that has been done to death. I was hoping for some thought about protecting my soft squishy parts and being pretty! (I like my soft squishy parts and I like being pretty.)

More time is especially important now that the judges are getting up close and personal with the designs. These designers are now being critiqued on their sewing skills as well as their design skills. If they’re going to do this, then give the designers the respect they deserve and give them the time to beautifully finish their garments. Those “It feels so unresolved” comments might go down too, if they have more time to actually finish their designs.

Less Sponsors.

The dreaded sponsors challenge. Does anyone remember the season where they were sponsored by a water company and ended up going “glamping?” Or the one where there was the burger company and they had to remake some really bad suits and got free endless fries? (That might have been the same season.) Look, doing Heidi’s stuff is bad enough especially since she keeps changing what she’s doing. But these companies that have nothing to do with fashion, err, Candy Crush, coming in and throwing money to get their name in an episode is ridiculous. I am even leery about the movie challenges. Just stop.

You know the great challenges are the challenges set by people like Isaac Mizrahi. I loved his color challenge because he was so careful in his selections. (He’s come a long way since The Fashion Show.) I love Nina Garcia challenges. Then there are the basic challenges, the unconventional challenge, the avante garde challenge, the accessory wall sponsor challenge, and the hair and makeup challenge. (Though better ones for those need to be found.)

Things like the black light challenges or the rainway that made the designers think about fashion in a new way. Those were the great challenges. I even liked the wind runway. Otherwise, get back to the basics of fashion. The JCPenny challenge with the menswear fabrics was great because it forced them to think upper moderate budget rather than ready to wear. Give them fashion categories, give them budget categories more than just a budget at Mood. Make them prove they know about fashion more than “I want to make clothes.” Yeah, can you make clothes for the everyday woman in their price budget or just pretty red carpet dresses? (Most can only do the latter.)

More fashion industry judges.

Enough celebrities. Please. Bring in buyers from Macy’s and Bergdorf’s and Saks, bring in magazine editors. I don’t know and I don’t care what a certain actress thinks about fashion because they’re most likely paying lots of money to be styled by someone who does know about fashion. So, I’d rather hear from their stylist. This is what I liked about Fashion Star. In Fashion Star, the designers presented to buyers and the buyers would right then bid on if they’d actually buy that item to stock in their store or not. Terron Schaefer of Saks was such a lovely person, bring in him. Bring in big name designers. Bring back Michael Kors for at least one episode a season by hook or by crook. Give the American Public people who are authorities in fashion.

(And keep Kelly Osbourne in the Juniors judges because I love how supportive she is to these young people. She is the exception to this rule.)

More team challenges.

Okay, the designers hate these. I think they’re good for them. That’s one thing about the Fashion Show that I really appreciated was the fact that the designers were at first separated into two fashion houses to create collections instead of individual pieces. This is how the real fashion industry works and nothing creates drama faster than a team challenge. (This is like makeover episodes on Top Model. The designers know they are coming but still cry all the same!)

If they do team challenges, they can create runway shows and do mood boards and have to present these to Tim to get approval and really show their vision as a team rather than the travesty that a lot of team challenges end up being. Another thing I liked about the Fashion Show is that they had to make and present mood boards. Mood boards are incredibly important in giving direction!

More Mood and Mini-Mood.

Because of sponsorships increasing in the show, the time spent at Mood has been less and less. And I understand that Mood isn’t expressly happy with the show either, because the entire store has to be shut down in order for the show to tape there and this loses them revenue in buyers. At this point, the viewing audience is used to and wants to see the designers using ‘real fabrics’ in order to make their garments. If there are less sponsors for “unconventional” challenges, then there would be more challenges where the designers need to go to Mood.

But Mood has provided Mini-Mood before. Mini-Mood was a room in the set where Mood put a lot of fabric for the designers to choose from. This way the designers were a) limited in choice but b) still got to use ‘real fabrics.’ And let’s face it, the designers need to be limited because there was almost an entire season of neoprene one year. (No neoprene in Mini Mood. No. Bad. Smack hands.) Or, if it is easier on Mood, then maybe provide Project Runway with access to their warehouse instead?

Or, they can do like the JCPenny challenge and have the sponsors provide the fabrics. This will once again ground the show in reality because there are processes where the designers choose from a selection of fabrics from a manufacturer to use for their products. It may also cut down on the “you only work in chiffon, choose something else” or just the random bad fabric choices or people being chewed out in Mood for picking fur and not realizing the show is “cruelty free.” (But we still use leather. Sure.)

Lastly, less scripting of the entire season.

People know the reality show tricks by now and they aren’t buying them anymore. If they show a designer calling their family or opening up, yep, that designer is about to go. Producers keep on bad designers for their dramatic personalities has to stop. Designers that repeat and repeat the same design need to be pulled aside and be told “Change or go home” much sooner than they are. Touting a win for “plus size” fashion feels hollow when the line didn’t have the creativity of the others (and next to no plus sized woman would wear it. The models looked uncomfortable.)

Authenticity is important. Project Runway can be good without having accusations of cheating or big fights in the workroom or bringing in styles that don’t mesh with the judges. Talent. Design. Good attitudes. Take a cue from Project Runway Junior and keep those positive vibes going even in the adult versions of the show.

And more group hugs from Tim. Because everyone needs hugs.