#i know he’s taller than Mario but he’s still a lil guy ok

[xxxcertifiednerdxxx]

short lil dudes are just supposed to be green, idk what to tell y’all

[beanjuice-duh]

Be More Michael!

a/n: At first, I can’t see any situation where Michael takes a squip. But seeing how I put an (with a name and everything) au out there I have it a shot by shimmying around some very circumstantial stuff.  summary: Michael just wanted a tictac w/c:1823 warning: VERY QUESTIONABLE PLOT?? drug mentioned (mainly pot and squip)

“Wait so it's like drugs?” Michael muttered as they walked side by side down to the Payless. He rummaged through his hoodie’s pockets and began picking at the lint he found in every crevice. “Are you sure you wanna take drugs? You know JUST stopped gagging when you take a drag of the blunt” Michael winked at him, sticking out his tongue adding a bit more insult to his tease.

Jeremy turned up his nose and stiffened his spine trying to make himself look taller. “It's not drugs...it's a computer...or whatever, I don’t know how to explain it. Rich had this cool song…” He waved his hands in front of him. “It's from Japan.” His voice went up a few octaves before cracking, trying to recreate the feel.

Michael nodded a bit, “sounds legit.” The closer they got the more Jeremy began to perspire beside him. “Dude stop walking like someone who’s about to make a drug deal.”

“W-What” Jeremy flinched then looked around nervously. “I-I look like someone who’s going to make a deal!”

“That or you look like someone who’s about to take a major dump in his pants.” Michael clapped his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “Just be chill.”

“That’s MY problem, I don’t know how to be CHILL, Michael.” He hung his head a bit and sighed. “...I wish I can be more like you.” He chuckled a bit. “You’re always pretty chill.”

“Be more like me then, walk in there and trade in hundreds of dollars for a possibility of awesomeness...or a complete and utter waste of time.”

“I don’t think anyone could be more Michael, Michael” Jeremy’s blue eyes disarmed Michael’s heart and he felt all his taunts and best friend banter go out the window and into speeding traffic. “Say...uh...you usually buy your weed...mind…ya know…” He swayed a bit, pulling a very sweet Heere smile.

How could Michael say no? With a few groans and eye rolls, Jeremy slapped the bills into Michael’s hand went to wait for him inside of Spencer's. Michael walked in with a little more sauve than Jeremy but he couldn’t shake the small voice that reminded him he was packing 600$ of money that didn’t belong to him. The drug deal was suddenly weighing on him a bit harder than his usually dime-bag deal. Still, Jeremy was counting on him and he pushed through the Payless and walked over to an exceptionally greasy looking stock boy behind the counter. “I’m here for the...stuff.” Michael leaned up against the desk, keeping his face turned away from the employee.

“The stuff?” He repeated in a monotone voice.

“Yea-yea man you know the stuff, that stuff, that special stuff.” Michael waved his hand coolly, he even popped the hood of his hoodie up adding to the effect. He was so suave, Jeremy would cream himself if he saw him. Wait---why did that come to mind. Suddenly Michael felt himself flush and a hand come to his mouth. Suddenly he felt the box nudge his arm and he looked down. So there it was...600 dollars worth of drugs. He opened it up to check and his face fell… “My...dude…” he muttered opening the box fully “what the hell is this?”

“Size eight-n-a half red pumps from the back room.” He shrugged, “We ran out a week ago, I’ve been holding onto it for the right price.”

“Do I look like I’m here for a size eight heel?” He pulled up the shoe by the heel and began to wave it around.

The stockman shrugged then waved his hand over his face, “probably and maybe a tictac.”

Michael groaned and leaned in a bit to the counter against the stockboy’s wishes. “I’m here for...the squip?” He whispered watching the man’s eyes go from dull to very steely and cold. He gave Michael a nod and went to the backroom. After two long minutes of waiting he returned with a regular looking shoe box. Michael opened it up a second time half expecting another pair of shoes when he noticed a baggie with a long, off gray pill inside. “So...this is it?” This tiny thing was worth 600$?

“400.” The guy grunted, Michael blinked.

“Wait w-” “You heard me, four. Hundred.”

There was no arguing with that, Michael handed over the money saving Jeremy two hundred dollars and getting the drugs for him. He was going to be his hero. “Alright, oh can I have a tictac too?” He breathed into his closed hand and wondered if he had severe sushi breath.

“Here take it with Red Dew, and also, before you go I gotta tell you that--” He handed over the mint then realized Jenna was strolling over. “We’re all out!”

“Of...shoes?” She shook her head a bit then looked at Michael.

“Right.” The stock boy turned his attention to Jenna and left Michael to his devices. Michael didn’t seem to think there was anything else he needed to know. A drug was a drug and from what he knew pills got ingested. A part of him did worry though...his brother and his father were big on the war against drugs. His brother more so he was turning into Michael’s police man when it came to his future. He made his way towards the Spencer's, thumbing the tictac in his hand while he examined the pill some more.

“Well lil buddy, you’re gonna make my buddy super cool…” He chuckled talking to the small pill. “Which shouldn’t be too hard, Jeremy is already the coolest, but I guess sharing that kind of cool-a-tude with the rest of the world won’t be bad. After all” Michael felt his smile soften a bit. “After, all Christine won’t be able to resist him once she gets to know him.”

For a second Michael thought about...well what if he didn’t give this to Jeremy. Nothing would change, he wouldn’t have to share Jeremy with anyone. No one would have to know how Jeremy was awesome at Mario Kart, or the fact he held the n64 controller WRONG by using that weird middle handle. Or the way he wrinkled his nose right before he laughed like he was trying to fight it back. No one had to know that Jeremy could name the best 80s B-rate horror films in order of blood content. No one had to know that Jeremy had a small mole on his hip that as a kid his father would say was his tickle button. No one had to know the Jeremy Michael knew...He held the pill in his hand feeling like he could crush it in his palm...then sighed, stuffing it in his pocket.

It would crush Jeremy. It would suck if Jeremy was unhappy. He bit his bottom lip and smiled, feeling his muscles relax with defeat. If this made Jeremy happy… well then Michael didn’t need any more reason than that. After all what were bros for? He smirked as he watched Jeremy narrowly avoid half of the anime merch, even with his back to it, Michael knew he was probably eyeing some shirt or poster. “Jeeeer” Michael sang as he walked through the store. “I got your drugs.”

“MICHAEL” Jeremy shrieked cupping both hands at his mouth. “Don’t! SAY!THAT!” He hissed, turning red from the tips of his ears down to his neck.

“Tehe.” Michae chuckled beneath his hands. “Alright, alright, oh and I saved you 200$.”

“Wow, and here was worried I blew ALL of my money.” Jeremy opened the box and blinked. There was no pill, his face went pale for a second when Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and presented him with the small white pill. “Jesus, Michael you scared me!”

“Is it ok for a Jewish kid to swear to Jesus?” Jeremy shrugged a bit and it forced a small laugh out of Michael as his friend looked at the pill. “Well...there it is, cool in a capsule. You ready?”

“You wanna split it?” Jeremy asked his eyes on it, this was going to change his life. He could feel it.

“I don’t think it works like that...plus I like knowing when you’re cool, you’re gonna owe me.” He winked. “You gotta drink that with Mountain Dew, by the way.”

“Why?” Jeremy didn’t mind but it felt like a strange combination.

“No clue, just do it.” Michael was ready to watch Jeremy take his first steps into drug induced popularity when his phone buzzed. He snatched it out of his hoodie pocket and pouted. “I gotta run, brother is coming home tomorrow and I have to help mom clean out his room.”

“I didn’t think Ryan would be back so soon, isn’t he like...in college?”

“Yea he’s only coming for a short while before finals hit him. Then we won’t hear from him for another few weeks.” Michael shrugged, “sooo that means tomorrow night, we’re hanging at your place!”

With a ruffle of Jeremy’s short, tuffed brown hair Michael was off. He didn’t hear much from Jeremy after that, Michael felt like asking how it went and whether he was alright. However he was probably enjoying his new popularity, more importantly his mom had him carry down boxes of junk that had been storing in Ryan’s room to the basement, Aka Michael’s man cave. “Are we done yet, MA?” He called from down stairs feeling grungier than usual.

“Si~” She sang from the kitchen.

Michael slumped into his beanbag and stared at the second one beside him. He wondered if Jeremy would be too cool for video games? No, that was unlikely. Jeremy would be himself, just...maybe less sweaty and better breath. “Ah… right.” He dug his hands into his pocket and found his tictac. He popped it into his mouth and rolled it around in his tongue. It wasn’t right, no mint flavor and it was surprisingly sleeker than he thought.

“Michael, tienes hambre? (Michae are you hungry?)” his mother called from upstairs.

“Nah Ma I’m fine-aH” He spoke while his tongue was still testing the strange pill in his mouth. He felt the tictac roll down his throat and in a moment of pure shock he reached for his soda and chugged it down dislodging the small object from his throat canal.  “Fuck…” He hissed, gulping making sure he was not going to choke on a tictac. What a lame death that would be.

Michael took off his glasses and rubbed his watery eyes. The moment past and he reached for his phone realizing he had a missed call from Jeremy. Probably called while he was helping his mother. His hand paused when he heard, so clearly a voice say.

Calibrating Cerebral functions

“Huh…” Michael looked around and stared at his TV which was very clearly off.

Identifying ...Michael Mell...Self confident, glorified...loser.

“Wait woah who said that, I am not a glorified loser! … I’m a regular loser with great qualities.” He spoke back to the disembodied voice.

Well, then regular loser Michael. This...is going to hurt.

And it did.

[transssexualheart]

Hey b I know you like asks so answer all 200 because I'm just that nice :^)

FUCK THATS SO MANY 

200: my crush’s name is:as if you all don’t know at this point. it’s sarah

199: i was born in:2002

198: i am really:gay

197: my cellphone company is: i’m so fuckin stupid i’m not sure what the question is asking

196: my eye color is: brown

195: my shoe size is:eight and a half/nine

194: my ring size is:i don’t wear rings

193: my height is:5′5

192: i am allergic to:nothing

191: my first car was:never had a car

190: my first job was:never had a job

189: last book you read:hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy

188: my bed is:small

187: my pet:is a beautiful orange cat named danny and i love her

186: my best friend:is lovely

185: my favorite shampoo is:i don’t care 

184: xbox or ps3:i’ve never played a ps3 so i guess xbox

183: piggy banks are:ok??? why are we trying to start piggy bank discourse

182: in my pockets:are trash

181: on my calendar:i don’t use a calendar

180: marriage is:alright?? i’d get married if my partner wanted to

179: spongebob can:?? exist??

178: my mom:is not very nice

177: the last three songs i bought were?uhhh i havent bought music in a while idk

176: last yt video i watched:for him.

175: how many cousins do you have?fuck dude. so many. i don’t know.

174: do you have any siblings?two, a brother and a sister

173: are your parents divorced?well my parents tried to get divorced but my dad died before it actually got worked out and my mom and my stepdad aren’t married and have never been so

172: are you taller than your mom?i believe so  

171: do you play an instrument?yeah, piano

170: what did you do yesterday?not much, just sat around and then walked in circles around my house for hours and then hung out with my siblings in the yard

[do you believe in]

169: love at first site:no, what if that pretty girl u saw on the street is an asshole?? what if she’s racist and homophobic dude u don’t know her

168: luck:sure

167: fate:yeah i guess

166: yourself:haha no

165: aliens:ya

164: heaven:idk

163: hell:idk

162: god:idk!! 

161: horoscopes:idk they’re fun to look at 

160: soul mates: i’d like to believe in soul mates

159: ghosts:idk

158: gay marriage:gay marriage isn’t a fuckinhg cryptid, yes i believe in it i’m gay and i’m gonna probably get married

157: war:god fuck i don’t know

156: orbs:??????????

155: magic:could be real, might not be, who knows

[this or that]

154: hugs or kisses:kisses

153: drunk or high:never been either so

152: phone or online:phone, can text my friends whom i lov

151: red heads or black haired:black haired i guess

150: blondes or brunettes:someone’s gonna get sad when i answer this but brunettes

149: hot or cold:i don’t know actually

148: summer or winter:summer, it’s better than having seasonal depression added onto my normal depression

147: autumn or spring: spring

146: chocolate or vanilla:vanilla

145: night or day:night

144: oranges or apples:apples

143: curly or straight hair:curly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

142: mcdonalds or burger king:don’t really eat at either but if i had to choose, mcdonalds

141: white chocolate or milk chocolate?white chocolate

140: mac or pc:pc

139: flip flops or high heels:high heels

138: ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:wtf 

137: coke or pepsi:don’t really drink soda

136: hillary or obama:man i don’t know too much about politics all i know is that i’d choose hillary over trump any day

135: buried or cremated:man i’m not sure,, i guess i’d prefer to be cremated Please Rid The World Of My Horrible Body

134: singing or dancing:singing

133: coach or chanel:i have like fifty cents do you think i can afford that shit

132: kat mcphee or taylor hicks:who

131: small town or big city:i love the city, maybe that’s because i live in a small town but i love the city

130: wal mart or target:target

129: ben stiller or adam sandler: idk

128: manicure or pedicure:well i don’t want anyone touching my feet i don’t even like taking my socks off around friends unless i very much trust them

127: east coast or west coast:well i live on the east coast so

126: your birthday or christmas:my bday bc we go on vacation for it bc it’s over the summer

125: chocolate or flowers:flowers

124: disney or six flags:never been to disney so six flags

123: yankees or red sox:sport???

[here’s what i think about]

122: war:didn’t another question p much ask the same thing

121: george bush:idk??

120: gay marriage:p much already been asked bud

119: the presidential election:not my president can’t believe u fuckers let trump win

118: abortion:if someone wants an abortion, they should be able to get it. no one else should have a monopoly over that, not even the father, because their body does not belong to him.

117: myspace:never used it

116: reality tv:eh

115: parents:some are good, mine i am not fans of

114: back stabbers:i don’t think i’ve ever really been backstabbed

113: ebay:it’s ok?

112: facebook:don’t really use it

111: work:don’t have a job

110: my neighbors:i don’t talk to them much but everytime we go near their dogs on the otherside of the fence they call the dogs back or pull them away one of the kids went “haha you can’t touch our dogs” and?? idk why??

109: gas prices:i don’t drive

108: designer clothes:can’t afford them

107: college:haven’t been 

106: sports:Throw Ball

105: my family:my sister is lovely, my brother is really mean, and my parents are also p mean like i don’t realize sometimes until i tell something they said and they’re like “??? that’s really not ok??”

104: the future:hasn’t happened yet how would i know

[last time i]

103: hugged someone:earlier today i hugged my aunt because she’s over for easter

102: last time you ate:just ate a tootsie roll a lil bit ago

101: saw someone i haven’t seen in a while:i guess the only person i haven’t seen very recently is spence and the last time i saw him was a few weeks ago

100: cried in front of someone:long time ago

99: went to a movie theater: went to see beauty and the beast a while back but i don’t remember exactly when that was

98: took a vacation: last summer

97: swam in a pool:last summer at my aunt’s probably 

96: changed a diaper:many years

95: got my nails done:i painted a clear coat on them a lil while back does that count

94: went to a wedding:year or so ago?

93: broke a bone:never broken any bones

92: got a piercing:when i was like five

91: broke the law:idk

90: texted:a few mins ago

[misc]

89: who makes you laugh the most:hahah. u

88: something i will really miss when i leave home is:oh man. all my friends, hubbard hall, the school playground, as much as i wanna leave this town i’ll probably cry leaving it behind

87: the last movie i saw:moana!

86: the thing that i’m looking forward to the most:death

85: the thing i’m not looking forward to:school starting again

83: the most difficult thing to do is:tell someone you’re in love with them

82: i have gotten a speeding ticket:never??

81: my zodiac sign is:leo

80: the first person i talked to today was:probably my mom

79: first time you had a crush:seventh grade

78: the one person u can’t hide anything from:apparently you because u always figure me out

77: last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, spence was talking about how his bf had big hands and i said “u know what they say” and i was about to say “big gloves” but he beat me to it

76: right now i am talking to:i’m not talking i’m typing

75: what are you going to do when you grow up:idk

 74: i have/will get a job:i don’t?? know??

73: tomorrow:is easter

72: today:is not easter

71: next summer:??

70: next weekend:idk man??

69: i have these pets:one cat, two fish

68: the worst sound in the world:chEWING

67: the person that makes me cry the most is:haha

66: people that make you happy:my friends

65: last time i cried:about a month ago

64: my friends are:the best!!!

63: my computer is:alright

62: my school:is the fucking worse

61: my car:is non existent

60: i lose all respect for people who:support trump

59: the movie i cried at was:i cried over the shitty mario movie when i was seven

58: your hair color is: dark brown

57: tv shows you watch:i don’t really watch tv

56: fav website:i dont kno

55: your dream vacation:to go to the beach with friends

54: the worst pain i was ever in was:emotional

53: how do you like your steak cooked:well not burnt

52: my room is:alright

51: my fav celebrity is:does dan avidan count? he still holds a special place in my heart

50: where would you like to be:my answers for these kinds of qs are always so gay 

49: do you want children:used to not want them, but i guess depending on the person i’d have them with i MIGHT

48: ever been in love:ya

47: who’s your best friend:asdgkjgf

46: more guy friends or more girl friends:many of us are nb

45: one thing that makes you feel great is:being loved

44: one person you wish you could see right now:u know, u all know who

43: do you have a five year plan:???????

42: have you made a list of the things to do before u die:1. kiss a girlthat’s it

41: have you prenamed your children:no

40: last person i got mad at:probably my brother

39: i would like to move to:nyc

38: i wish i was a professional:animator

[my favs]

37: candy:sweedish fish and jolly ranchers

36: vehicle:idk

35: president:i only remember obama

34: state visited:idk

33: cellphone provider:also idk

32: athlete:don’t pay attention to sports

31: actor:i don’t freakin know

30: actress:well,

29: singer:wELL,,

28: band:not sure

27: clothing store:idk

26: grocery store:hannaford??

25: tv show:no idea

24: movie:so many good movies

23: website:i think this was already asked??

22: animal:not sure

21: theme park:only ever been to like one

20: holiday:xmas

19: sport to watch:uhh i guess soccer?? i’ll actually understand whats happening so

18: sport to play:also soccer

17: magazine:don’t read them

16: book:carry on

15: day of the week:saturday

14: beach:no specific one i just like the beach

13: concert attended:only ever been to one, it was a top concert

12: thing to cook:grilled cheese

11: food:not sure

10: restaurant:idk

9: radio station:don’t really listen to the radio

8: yankee candle scent:??? idk???

7: perfume:don’t really wear it

6: flower:roses or tiger lillies

5: color:blue

4: talk show host:i don’t know??

3: comedian:bo burnham

2: dog breed:shiba inu

1: did you answer all of these truthfully?ya

i didn’t move the whole time i answered all 200 help me