#i know he was shitty to everyone so this sucks for chimney too but the complaints were specifically about his treatment of hen | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

procrastinatingfeminist · 5 months ago

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I saw your anti chimney post in the tag which sadly only has 2 posts?

I'm curious because I disliked him in season 5 because he not only hit Buck but chased Maddie across the country to try and force her to come back, but I was never really his biggest fan.

Did you always dislike him or was that a tipping point for you?

It is a bit of a long answer, so I will put the answer unter the cut.

I want to make it absolutely clear that I am not conflating Chimney and Kenneth Choi. An actor is not his role and vice versa. From what I have seen, Kenneth Choi is somewhat clunky and awkward in his interactions on social media, likely because like me he didn't grow up with it (and maybe also because he is old enough to not give a lot of fucks about pleasing everyone and being 100% pure), but has a very dry sort of humor and judging from some vids with JLH is hysterically funny.

I have started watching 911 after having been sucked into the fandom through fanfic, and that was mostly not exactly Chimney-friendly one, so I had come in somewhat spoilered. But that is not exactly new for me - I tend to seek out spoilers before deciding if watching a tv show will be a waste of my time or not, because it is a time investment. Because of that, I also repeatedly made the experience that my experience of fanfic and canon can be vastly different, and I tend to like the asshole characters anyway, so while spoilered, I was prepared to give him a chance. (I wasn't much impressed with Buck in the first seasons, either, fanfic overhyped him waaaay too much, but he grew on me. Like fungus.)

So, to answer your question - I knew that there was a higher than average probability that i might not like him, but I didn't dislike him from the outset. There was no tipping point, exactly, it was the conflagration of a lot of irritants that just culminated in that shitty storyline in season 5.

He is introduced as a middle-aged guy who is so desperate for female attention that he comes off obsessive and stalkerish, and not above constantly lying to someone he plans to marry to keep that relationship. If at least he had been self-aware enough that it was built on lies and nothing real can out of it, I would have been able to put him into the 'well, plenty of people lie about who they are when they want to have sex, what else is new' pile and forgot about it, but that he seriously proposed to Tatiana while constantly lying to her? And then blew off at everyone when called out? That is some serious break from reality, dude. It also didn't endear him to me that he was constantly grumbling jealously about Buck's success with women all the while, when Buck had been one of the three people who had been at his bedside in the hospital post-rebar incident and had looked up to him. Envy is not pretty to look at.

Then there is his inability to shut up about the most private and hurtful things that his friends and coworkers might prefer to disclose at their own discretion and maybe also not to complete strangers, and pretty much 99 times out of 100 it is something about Buck. For fucks sake, the man works in a medical profession, and while HIPAA, as far as I understand, applies to paramedics the same way as to doctors and nurses, anyone else would and should have been sued several times, if they blapped off to strangers about all the things that Chimney did. Why exactly did Eddie need to know about Abby's ghosting on his first day? Why would he even think to joke about Dr. Wells' raping Buck during the appointment (and I don't care that the show doesn't follow up on that plot point, she was his therapist and she slept with her patient, who was in an emotionally vulnerable place, that equals rape to me)? In what world it is appropriate? There are too many incidents to count. The point is, this behaviour of constantly blurting out other people's business to strangers involves Buck so often that it feels targeted. Because I don't remember him blurting out willy-nilly about Bobby's alcoholism or Hen's cheating, especially not in front of the Fire Chief or in front of Councilwoman Ortiz or social workers. Those two would have eaten him alive if he did something like that, but everyone thinks its funny haha just because it's about Buck.

And the storyline about Daniel? When the only person who had a right to find out about his brother was the last to know? Even the bomber knew it before him. The one time when Chimney's diarrhea mouth might have given him some brownie points, he keeps the secret.

And then the wedding episode, when Chimney loses his memories. He sees Buck - he recognizes him, even if he doesn't know who he is exactly and he sees him wearing a firefighter uniform, so someone who is public servant and marked as a person of trust - and his subconscious makes it out as if Buck is someone he should fear? That is either a sign of enormous guilt that he never bothered to work through or that he genuinely thinks that Buck is a threat to him. And that.... tells me very unfortunate things about Chimney.

All that listed are things that don't even go into the whole PPD/casually threatening to cut off contact to the only family Buck has any interest in/the punch/the stalking arc. In short, there are plenty of reasons to dislike Chimney and not a lot of character growth that i have seen from him over the span of 7 seasons.

But on the other hand, I have been slowly rewatching 911 again, just a bit out of order. And sometimes, there are moments where I can see them having a moment where the writers could have spun off a subplot to give them a better relationship, like the catfishing episode; or sometimes I hear him making borderline jokes and think, yeah, okay, I can see how this could be taken out of context and on its own could be just chalked up under 'caustic humor'. (The problem is, that that context exists and points to a pattern of abusive behavior. If his abrasive humor was all that I had to judge him on, I would have thought people were overreacting over their weeaboo being picked on). He is also not the only one I have a problem with - Maddie's behaviour is super manipulative and reinforces Chim's bias, no matter how well meaning or fucked up from her own trauma she is. The culture of ignoring the way Chim talks about his coworker at the 118 doesn't paint anyone at the firehouse in the best light.

But that is the reason why I post my griping in the anti tag. Because people love what they love and his character speaks to people with different experiences than me on a different level. I have made my peace that plenty of people hate Snape and though it always is very unpleasant to suddenly come across a hate tirade in a fic in a completely unrelated fandom, I don't make it my life's mission to bash those authors in comments; and here on tumblr it is even easier to separate those posts out. What I found ridiculous was that I explicitly posted it in an anti tag, and still that nonnie came onto my dash to berate me. Like, what did they expect?

Hope that answers your question, nonnie.

#911 abc #anti chimney han #ask

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devirnis · 1 year ago

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For the soft prompts can I ask for Eddie calling Buck pretty? Like idk they’re in an established real shop and maybe buck is gross from the end of a hard shift or he’s having a bad day or whatever and Eddie just looks at him or something

hi hi! thank you for the prompt, and I hope you enjoy :)

Eddie loves being a firefighter. Even when he has a shift that’s hard or depressing, he can take solace in the fact that he’s making a difference in the world, helping people. But every so often, a shift comes along that just sucks the morale out of everyone. A shift where the calls are dumb and the people are angry and there’s barely enough downtime to decompress before the alarm goes off again.

Today, unfortunately, was one of those days.

The cherry on top of the shitty shift had been their last call that pushed them into overtime: responding to a car that had somehow managed to go over the barriers on Wilshire Blvd and end up in MacArthur Park Lake. Buck had been first out of the engine, wading out through less-than-pristine water (the seagulls were out in full force today) to get to the car. The driver had clearly been on something and was none too pleased about being extracted from his vehicle, even though it was mostly submerged. Before the rest of the team could get out there, the driver took a swing at Buck that had Buck stumbling backwards to avoid it. Something under the water made him stumble, and then Buck was pinwheeling his arms as he crashed backwards into the water.

Buck had only been underwater for a handful of seconds, but Eddie’s heart was in his throat the entire time. Sloshing through the water made it hard to get anywhere quickly; Eddie picked up his pace nonetheless. The driver was just lucky that Ravi and Chim made it to him first, so Eddie could direct his help to pulling a spluttering Buck up out of the water.

The ride back to the station is subdued. Everyone’s tired, not in the mood for smalltalk after such a demoralizing shift. On Eddie’s right, Buck has crammed himself as close to the side of the engine as possible, as if trying to keep the dirty water dripping from his uniform from getting on anyone else. Privately, Eddie doesn’t know why Buck is bothering; they’re going to dump their uniforms in the laundry as soon as they get home anyway, but Buck is radiating such intense don’t-touch-me energy that Eddie just has to grit his teeth and bear it for the moment.

When they finally arrive back at the station, they all file exhaustedly out of the engine. Bobby gives a short, somewhat lacklustre speech about shaking off frustrating shifts, and then they all make a beeline for the locker room. Hen, Chimney and Ravi are gone within two minutes, not even bothering to change and instead just grabbing their bags out of their lockers and practically sprinting for the parking lot.

Once everyone else is gone, Eddie turns to Buck, who’s been slowly peeling out of his soaked clothes in the corner. “You wanna shower here or at home?”

Buck’s button-up lands on the floor with a splat. “Here. I don’t want this smell in your truck.”

After he shucks out of his pants, he scurries off to the showers in his boxers and undershirt. Eddie briefly considers grabbing a plastic bag from the kitchen for Buck’s clothes, but decides instead to follow him. He knows the shift was disheartening, but the little rain cloud of gloom that’s been hanging over Buck’s head since he fell in the water has Eddie mildly concerned.

Eddie finds Buck in front of the far shower stall, frowning down at the cheap shampoo and conditioner that Eddie knows he hates using. Making sure to keep his steps a little heavy so that Buck hears him coming, Eddie walks up behind him and winds his arms around Buck’s waist. It’s a little more PDA than is strictly workplace-appropriate, given that Buck is basically in his underwear, but somehow Eddie doubts that Bobby would give them grief for it today. After a few seconds, Eddie feels Buck relax slightly, leaning back against him.

“Eddie, I’m disgusting,” Buck says, but the protest is half-hearted at best.

And, look, logically Eddie knows that Buck’s talking about himself in this specific moment, still dripping and smelling of stale water – but Eddie also knows that Buck’s insecurities still pop up sometimes when they’re least expected, and Eddie will never pass up an opportunity to reassure his boyfriend.

“Nah,” Eddie says, squeezing him round the middle. “You’re pretty.”

Buck blinks, scoffs a little, but Eddie doesn’t miss the way the back of his neck goes red. “I’m literally covered in bird shit water.”

“I mean, I’m not gonna pretend this is the best you’ve ever smelled, but.” Eddie shrugs, smiles. “You’re still pretty.”

Buck turns around in his arms and, yep, Buck’s face is definitely flushed, “Oh yeah? You hot for me or something?”

Eddie rolls his eyes playfully. “You finally figure that out after eleven months?”

He leans in, but before he can prove just how serious about this he is, Buck stops him with a gentle hand in the centre of his chest.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” Buck says, chuckling. “And I also love you too much to risk you getting some weird bird flu if you kiss me when I’m like this.”

“Fair point,” Eddie concedes, and lets Buck go. “Better hurry up and rinse off. And then I’ll show you just how hot I am for you when we get home.”

“’Kay,” Buck grins dopily. And then he’s scrambling out of the rest of his clothes, nearly tripping as he gets his feet tangled in his boxers in his haste.

Eddie snorts at Buck’s eagerness, but he won’t tease him for it. Not today. As Buck bangs the shower door closed behind him, Eddie begins removing his own uniform. His shirt is slightly rank from the hug, but they have to do laundry anyway. And besides, a little smell is more than worth it to see Buck smile.

(also on ao3)

#mycoolusernamesstuff #911 ficlet #buddie ficlet #evan buckley x eddie diaz #softprompts #myfic

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capseycartwright · 3 years ago

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“No you don’t understand, I have to get back!” :))))

Their job had its dangerous moments. Eddie didn’t really consider it a dangerous job – no, it wasn’t always dangerous. Sometimes, the job was rescuing cats, and breaking in locked doors, and sometimes – sometimes it was fires like this. It had been a bad fire long before it had been upgraded to a five-alarm fire – a multistorey apartment building that had gone up like a tinder block, clearly not adhering to a single building, or fire safety standard. Half the residents were students, too many people living in each apartment and scared out of their minds, and the rest were families.

The scene was chaos – it had been from the moment the 118 had come on scene, the third unit called in, Hen and Chimney trying to deal with triaging patients and Buck and Eddie right on search and rescue.

Eddie would probably be more scared of his job if he had to do it without Buck. Walking into every rescue, every fire, knowing he had Buck by his side – it made it less terrifying, because Buck was the best goddamned firefighter Eddie had ever met. He was quick, and clever, and he’d always had Eddie’s back, and it made the dangerous moments feel so much less overwhelming.

The evacuation order had come, a few hours into the chaos. Bobby’s voice had cracked over the walkie-talkie, calling them out immediately. The building wasn’t safe, Bobby had roared – they were calling it. It was about to collapse.

Those moments, when that call came through – those were the worst moments, Eddie decided. There were people in the building – they knew that for sure. There was eight people unaccounted for, and they were about to become eight people they weren’t going to be able to save. Eddie had joined the fire department to save – to rescue, to heal, to put out fires – and every day they weren’t able to get everyone out, they were bad days.

Eddie didn’t know the eight people’s names – but he’d imagine who they were, long after they cleared the scene. He’d wonder if they had a partner, or kids, who their families were – what kind of job they had. If they’d been happy. The magnitude of the loss of a human life was too much to comprehend – let alone eight.

Chimney’s wide-eyed look made Eddie’s stomach twist, as he finally made it out of the burning building.

“What?” Eddie looked at his colleague. “What did I miss?”

“Eddie,” Chimney’s voice was hoarse. “Where’s Buck?”

If Eddie didn’t have the medical knowledge to know otherwise, he’d say he was having a heart-attack. “He’s behind me,” he said, sure of his words. Bobby’s evacuation order had come through, and Buck had tapped Eddie on the shoulder, and nodded, letting Eddie lead the way out of the fire. Eddie hadn’t checked, because Buck was always behind him.

“Eddie, he’s not,” Chimney’s voice was gentle, but his worry was clear.

Eddie felt wild, with the knowledge that Buck was still in a burning, collapsing building. He’d barely gotten his mask off, but he was putting it on again, shaking his head. “I’m going in,” he said, not asking – he wasn’t going to ask for permission, not when it came to Buck.

“No, you’re not,” Bobby’s tone was firm as he joined the conversation. “He’ll get out.”

Eddie shook his head. “I’ve got to go back in,” he said in a rush.

“Eddie, I said no.”

“No, you don’t understand, I have to get back – I have to get back inside,” Eddie practically begged, hating the way tears welled in his eyes as he begged Bobby. He had to get back, and he had to make sure Buck was okay – because it couldn’t end like this, in the middle of the night, at a shitty, chaotic apartment block fire.

“Eddie, they called the evacuation, you cannot go back in,” Bobby said. “He’ll get out. Okay?” he didn’t wait for an answer, clicking on his radio. “Firefighter Buckley – report, please.”

Silence. Overwhelming, terrifying silence.

“Firefighter Buckley,” Bobby repeated. “Come in, please.”

The static crackle of the radio felt like it was being played at top volume, Eddie’s heart thundering in his chest. There was – there was so much he still needed to say, things he still needed to tell Buck. He’d been so sure they finally had time, now, because now they were finally on the same page, and Eddie was ready, he was so ready for the next chapter of his life with Buck, and he hadn’t told him.

What if he never had the chance to tell him?

What if – what if Eddie had missed his chance?

“Firefighter Buckley,” Bobby tried again, the tremor in his voice the only indication that he was as worried as Eddie felt, in that moment. “Come in, Buck,” he pleaded. “Please.”

There was an agonising pause, and then a shout – a shout from Hen, of all people, their colleague waving manically from close to the building where she was triaging a patient who needed a gurney.

Eddie’s life felt like it was flashing before his fucking eyes as he realised it was Buck, who was stumbling out of the building, his mask cracked and his helmet damaged, but he was alive – he was alive and Eddie’s feet were moving before his brain fully came back online, Eddie sprinting as best he could in his heavy turnout gear, skidding to a stop as Buck stumbled, and collapsed right into his arms.

“You were supposed to be behind me!” Eddie couldn’t help his accusatory tone, kneeling with Buck in his arms, his best friend’s chest heaving as he tried to suck in some oxygen. How long had he been in there, without a mask? Eddie ripped his own off, sliding it over Buck’s face with a practised ease, letting Buck burrow into his chest.

Eddie held Buck tightly – more tightly than he probably should be, given Buck was definitely showing signs of a concussion and needed to be looked at by an actual medical professional – but he couldn’t help himself, holding tightly to the younger man as tears streamed down his dirty, soot covered face.

Buck’s fingers tapped against Eddie’s arm in a signal that had become so familiar, over the years. Fires were loud, and sometimes you couldn’t talk – so they’d developed their own system for communicating, a series of taps and touches that helped them navigate their worst scenes.

I’m sorry.

Gently cupping the back of Buck’s neck, Eddie traced the letters, unable to say the words, just yet.

I love you.

Buck practically melted, in Eddie’s arms. Two taps, to Eddie’s arm.

Eddie couldn’t help but grin – he knew what that meant.

I know.

send me a prompt from this list

#911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #prompt fill #thisissirius #in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic

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crystalirises · 3 years ago

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So I was thinking about a rather angsty plot: so basically Yogurt gets caught during a conflict and an arrow hit him and... well, let's say he reaches Mumza. Fundy is devastated: his little son is gone because he couldn't protect him. So he lets himself wither away,refusing to eat or sleep even thought the ones who cares about him try to help him. One day, when checkin on Fundy's health,they found him lying on the floor. Finally he's with his son again.

(I woke up today and choose [violence] angst) :)

Why have you done this ;-; Not Yogurt ;-; Not the poor bab :((((

But anyway, I did this anyway lmao. This hurt ngl, poor Yogi ;-; I don't know who shot him (and I don't specify here) but that mean person ;-; how dare >:(

I also find it funny how I got this ask like... the moment I woke up, which is funny cause I usually wake up like at 9 AM but today I woke up at 10 AM and immediately got violence. What a great way to start the day XDDD

Anyway, fair warning everyone, this has themes of child death, suicide, and self-neglect. So be warned about that. Also major character death. Stay safe, everyone.

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to cry in the corner /j

"I told you... I told you! I should have stayed with him."

Wilbur hugged his son’s frail body close to his chest, gripping on to too pale and too cold skin. The bottles of poison and harming rolled by him, nudged away by Eret who could barely process what they had stumbled upon. Phil stood at the doorway, a hand on his chest. One of them should have stayed, one of them should have brought Fundy back with them. Wilbur could feel the tears against his cheek as he rocked back and forth. His son was gone, his baby was gone.

��We couldn’t have known, mate. We... we did all we could.”

Fundy hadn’t been the same since Yogurt had died. They had visited Fundy often, for the poor man was stricken with grief that he refused to even function properly. Wilbur couldn’t count the amount of times he had to force Fundy to eat.

“If we did then he wouldn’t be dead, Phil! My son wouldn’t be dead if we’d been there for him!” Wilbur pressed Fundy’s head to his chest, a hand against his son’s chest as though he was still hoping for a sign, a heart beat. Anything. Is this how Phil felt? Is this how Fundy felt? Is this the pain of losing a son? A small sob escaped him, “I should have been there. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have—”

“You started the fight, but Yogurt’s death wasn’t your fault, Wilbur.”

“Quit the bullshit, Eret. Everyone blames me anyway, it’s my fucking fault. It always is.” Now his son was gone. He was with Yogurt now, the grandson that Wilbur had indirectly killed. If he had just... If he hadn’t started that argument with Quackity then Yogurt would be alive, and Fundy would be too. To think, he saw his son again at his own grandson’s funeral. Fundy didn’t even look at him, didn’t even scream at how shitty a dad he’d been. “It’s my fucking fault, Eret!”

No one had even noticed, no one had even cared but Fundy. The poor father screaming while the battle raged on around him, holding his son’s body close to his chest. Fundy was holding his dead son and nobody had stopped the fight.

Wilbur didn’t even know he had a grandson, all he knew was that the next day, he would stumble upon a funeral. Yogurt’s funeral. The casket was so small...

His son had withered away after that, lost to his mind. Sometimes, when Wilbur would visit, he would hear Fundy talk to a ghost that wasn’t there. And he knew, in his heart, Fundy was never going to be okay. He’d known then, maybe if he’d just... maybe if he’d actually stayed with Fundy then... Wilbur shook his head, focusing on the present. His son’s body was so small in his arms, and he hated that he wasn’t alone, that he couldn’t mourn alone... like Fundy had with Yogurt.

He didn’t think the dead could feel the cold, but here he was, shivering.

“Hello, Fundy.” A voice whispered into his ear.

He stood at an empty white void, but shadows had begun to accumulate before him, giving form to the goddess of Death. He sucked in a breath. He’d done it, he was dead. The goddess smiled at him, a hand reaching to cup his cheek, and the cold seemed to seep away. “You are far too young to be here, but there is nothing to be done now. Unless the living intervene, in death you will forever dwell. Your life has been full of sorrow, full of death. I know why you are here.”

The void melted away, morphing into an endless flower field.

In the distance, he could see a cottage, white smoke coming from its chimney. The door burst open, a familiar arctic fox stumbling down the porch steps. Fundy felt tears in his eyes. Yogurt was running towards him. Yogurt, his beautiful son.

“Papa!” Yogurt was calling him. He looked at Death, but she had already left.

He took that as his cue to run, scooping up his son the moment he got close.

“Yogurt, my beautiful boy!” He held onto his son, intent on never letting go again.

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They share the same limbo because I say so.

#fundy #yogurt #eret #philza #wilbur soot #goddess of death kristen #dream smp fanfiction #dsmp

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florenceandthemachine · 4 years ago

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(my @911giftexchange contribution for @brcttshvghes!!) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han, Bobby Nash, Athena Grant Additional Tags: First Kiss, Christmas, Secret Santa, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining

Last Christmas, Eddie had—as Hen would put it—his ‘oh’ moment.

No, it wasn’t when Buck had thrown himself into action to help some random dad see his daughter sing for Christmas.

No, it wasn’t when Eddie caught Buck trying to sneak extra presents (for he and Christopher both) under the Diaz tree.

No, it wasn’t even when some random elf had complimented Buck on his “beautiful family”.

Eddie’s ‘oh’ moment came when Athena announced that she was saving them all from themselves, when he walked into the firehouse loft and saw his kid standing there, beaming like a megawatt spotlight, smiling not only up at his dad but at Buck; and suddenly things clicked into place. Buck had set all of this up, and sure, it was for the whole house... but it was also for him. Buck had done this all, for him. He had Chris in his arms, he had Buck by his side, and Eddie realized—not for the first time, but for the first time with this level of severity—that this was exactly what he wanted, for the rest of his life.

Forever.

Hence the ‘oh’ moment.

(Hen had suggested calling it his ‘no fucking shit, you clueless moron’ moment instead. Eddie had politely declined.)

The ‘oh’ moment was one thing. The ‘oh’ moment was great.

Afterward, though, afterward everything was kind of sucky.

Valentine’s Day was rough. Watching Athena lock up a newlywed couple together, that was fun, sure, but seeing Buck with Ali? That was... literal torture.

The tsunami sucked. The bomb sucked.

The lawsuit, that really fucking sucked.

But pulling Buck into his arms underneath some shitty Halloween decorations, being back together again, that... that was almost worth it.

Even if he had to watch Buck bat his eyes at Taylor Kelly a few days later.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Hen had asked the next month, sprawled out over the couch in the loft, idly kicking Eddie’s thigh as he groaned, full of Bobby’s turkey and homemade cranberry sauce.

“And risk it all?” Eddie had asked, long since beyond the point where he wanted to even pretend that he didn’t know what Hen was talking about.

And when Abby reappeared in Buck’s life with a fiancée and two stepchildren, Eddie knew staying quiet was the right idea. He wouldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk it.

“Hey, Eds, hand me another nail?”

So now here he was, almost a year later (“A full year of pining, Eddie, seriously, if you don’t say something by New Year’s—“ “I hate you, Hen.”), staring at Buck’s ass as he struggled to hang another loop of garland haphazardly throughout the station.

After a moment of hesitation, he did as he was asked, sighing as he held up another couple of tacks that Buck could push into the wall. “Why are you even doing all of this, Buck? I don’t know if you noticed, but the station was already decorated.” Eddie said with a hum, leaning back against the wall as he looked up to Buck, not-so-subtly admiring the way Buck’s entire body reacted as he laughed.

“Please, it looked like Pottery Barn threw up in here. We needed something other than stark white garland and red ornaments, Eds.” Buck descended down the step ladder and stepped back to admire his handiwork as Eddie looked around the station—as much as he hated to admit it, Buck was absolutely right. The station had been decorated by what looked like the night crew after one too many cups of coffee; too clean, too pristine, all glittering white garland neatly tacked up to every corner with a giant red bauble tacked at every intersection.

Needless to say, once Buck had gotten through with things, it was... definitely far from a professional looking decor job. Buck had rigged up huge wreaths made of fake garland and bows made out of giant, floppy, silver and gold ribbon, and hung them all over the station.

He had all but stapled his hand to the wall hanging up Christmas lights—the old, slowly blinking type, on the thick green cord, the type where if one light went out they all went out. There were twinkling, colorful lights all over the walls, mounds of fake snow around the staircase, big, fake poinsettias all over the kitchen.

At some point in time, while Hen and Chim were passing time upstairs in the loft and Bobby was stuck in his office doing paperwork, Buck had even rigged up his iPhone to play Christmas carols over the entirety of the station PA system (“Don’t worry, Eddie, calls will still come through and cut out over the alarm,” Buck had assured him, and Eddie was struck, not for the first time, with pride as he realized how much planning Buck really put into things like this).

The station was a mess, honestly. It was a jumbled, disorganized, chaotic explosion of Christmas. The station had gone from Pottery Barn to looking like a Yuletide grenade had gone off.

Eddie loved it.

“There! All finished. Back up, Eddie, I’m coming down.” Eddie blinked as he was jerked back into the present, standing back to admire the latest (and apparently the last) wreath that Buck had woven on the wall, acutely aware of the closeness that he and Buck shared as Buck beamed up at his handiwork.

He managed to look away from Buck’s smile—glowing didn’t even begin to cover it—right as Buck turned to look at him, clearing his throat. “Alright, Buck, what gives? Not that I’m mad about the extra decor you’ve doused the place with, but this is even bigger than what we did last year. There another surprise party that I’m supposed to be aware of?” Eddie asked, smiling as Buck threw his head back and laughed.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Buck started, looking over his shoulder as he folded up the ladder, heading back through the gym to the utility closet. “We’re still on for Christmas dinner at the station with everyone’s family, and unless Hen or Bobby has something else planned—because let’s face it, Chim would forget it was Christmas all in all if Maddie didn’t remind him—that’s all that we’re doing as a station. I just figured we needed as much holly-jolly as we could this year.”

His words were innocent enough, but Eddie had known Buck for years now, and the last year had been spent watching Buck a little more… closely than usual. So he knew that Buck’s innocent smile was just a shade on the wrong side of sneaky, how his words were carefully chosen so he wouldn’t be technically lying. Buck was smart—seriously, Eddie didn’t understand how people always forgot that—and they were the kind of things that Eddie would have missed if he wasn’t so… invested.

Sure. Invested. That was the right way to think about it.

“Hey, Eds,” and damn, a nickname shouldn’t bring him that much joy, “can you open the closet up for me?” Buck asked, the smile on his face seemingly innocent as Eddie rose a brow, stepping around him and just taking the ladder from his hands, pushing the door open behind him, not missing the look of surprise on Buck’s face.

“Wait, Eddie—no, I can—“

“Buck, it’s a step ladder, it’s no big deal. Did you take anything else out of the closet, or was it just this?”

“Well no, but it’s just that—“

Before Buck could continue his protest, the Christmas carols died out throughout the station, the siren blaring in its place, and for a split second, Buck looked absolutely crushed, which was weirder than anything else Eddie had witnessed that morning, because Buck loved going out on calls.

The moment was gone in a heartbeat, but it still made Eddie’s mind reel as they darted off to their lockers to suit up, mind racing with questions as Buck was all laughs with Hen as Chim got behind the wheel.

Something was up, and Eddie was going to find out what… even if the day had other plans.

There were two ways that shifts around the holidays were destined to go. Either the 118 would be dead quiet, or the crew would be completely dead on their feet.

Unfortunately, today seemed like it would be the latter.

No sooner than they had been cleared from their first call of the day did another roll in, and then another, and then another, to the point where the only time that Eddie had to text his kid was between calls, and the 118 was probably trapped in their turnout gear for a good five hours without a single break.

Buck, to the surprise of absolutely no one, only grew more and more alive with every save—he had an absolute knack for riding the rush that came with the job, and by the time they finally pulled back into the 118, Buck and Eddie couldn’t have been in a more different place in their lives.

“Alright, six calls in five hours. I think I’ve earned a fucking nap.” Eddie grumbled as he slid out of his designated spot next to Buck in the ladder truck, barely even waiting to get to the rack on the wall before he started pulling his turnout gear off, impatiently tugging at his sleeves and kicking his boots off before he bothered to even loosen anything.

While the sound of Buck’s laugh behind him certainly raised his spirit, he still pouted as Buck sauntered up beside him, easily removing his own jacket and boots and hanging them up with a certain sense of maturity that Eddie couldn’t muster at the moment. “Come on Eddie, a nap? Did you turn fifty while I wasn’t looking?” Buck asked, the teasing tone of his voice bringing a smile to Eddie’s face as he shoved Buck’s shoulder playfully.

“Just because you can keep up with Chris’ special blend of all night holiday nonsense doesn’t mean we all can, Buck.” Eddie started, rolling his shoulder as he hung his turnout coat back up. “Right now, he’s probably running Carla through literally every last strip mall in the state, trying to find a perfect present for our Buck, and… uh.” Eddie cut himself off, far too late, cheeks pinking up as he clamped his jaw shut.

He feared the worst for a moment when Buck looked at him with stars in his eyes, thinking that his slip hadn’t gone unnoticed, and he had to work to hide his sigh of relief when Buck grinned. “He’s getting me a gift? I mean, I know he doesn’t have to, and you know he doesn’t have to, but… fuck, Eds, I’m all excited now. Okay. Forget it. Anyway, come on. I want to completely obliterate you in Mario Kart.”

Eddie sighed softly, his smile big and dopey on his face as Buck got himself all excited, shaking his head as he kicked off his boots, finally leaving his gear behind. “Buck, if you think I’m going to add insult to injury and let you completely wipe the floor with me, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Fine, then you don’t have to play. You can just hang around and bask in my awesome.” Buck said, his effort at being nonchalant almost going over Eddie’s head, just barely catching the sidelong glance that Buck shot him while he was re-lacing his work boots.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment as he watched Buck’s shoulders tighten, sighing as he shook his head. “Fine, but you better fucking dazzle me, Buckley.” he said as he started walking to the tiny corner of the bay they had set up as a miniature rec area (a fancy word for three couches and a big-ass television, courtesy of Chim’s baby brother), but not before he saw the abject joy that bloomed over Buck’s face.

As much as he wanted to believe that that much joy could simply come from Buck getting to spend time on a couch with Eddie, he had a sneaking suspicion, much as he did earlier, that something else was up.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something by osmosis, and actually stand a chance against your kid the next time he—“

Buck was cut off by a bang as the firehouse door hit the wall, a panicked cry pulling Buck and Eddie’s attention as they both automatically started to move.

“Help! Please, please I need help, I don’t think she’s breathing!”

Eddie and Buck were both immediately moving, Chim and Bobby close on their trail as they came down the stairs from the loft, Hen already opening the back of the ambulance and yanking out one of her bags.

Eddie slowed himself down as he reached forward to take the body of a young girl from her clearly distraught mother, Buck already a step ahead of him as he put a braceboard down on the ground, placing her too-small body down on it.

(Eddie still hated situations that involved kids.)

The little girl was conscious, but only barely, wheezing along as Eddie laid her down, taking her pulse instinctively as he gave her a simple once over. “Signs of angioedema, breathing is shallow, pupils are tight, plenty of hives across the neck and chest. Ma’am, does she have any allergies, any—”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so, we tried a new recipe for our christmas cookies this year… uh, almond, maybe? I don’t know!”

“Okay, we’re gonna give her some epinephrine, you need to look into an epi-pen, Buck?”

Buck nodded, grabbing a pen from the ambulance, pressing it against the thickest part of her thigh (she was so tiny, Jesus) and plunging the needle into her skin. “Alright, now, we’re going to take her to the hospital, so hop in the ambulance—” Bobby started, nodding to the vehicle as Hen and Chim jumped into the drivers cab, “—and you can ride with or follow along, whatever you want.”

Eddie and Buck had the gurney popped up in a heartbeat, wheeling it in the back of the rig as mother and daughter were loaded up, doors slamming behind the pair of them as Hen practically burned rubber.

Eddie felt his heart rate start to slow back down to a regular, human level as the ambulance tore out of the bay, and even he couldn’t keep the small smile on his face as he turned back to Buck, expecting the expression to be mirrored on his partner’s face.

So, you could imagine his surprise when Buck just looked… tired.

“Buck? You good? You still wanna get a round of the… uh… whatever?”

He rose a brow as Buck hitched his smile back on, giving a half shrug as he shook his head. “Nah, Eddie, it’s good. I’m gonna get started on Bobby’s chore list.”

With that, he started up the stairs to the kitchen, and Eddie was left in the metaphorical dust, staring up to Buck’s retreating backside as he was left alone on the main floor of the 118.

The fuck was going on?

buck fifty: why do i have to clean the kitchen if bobby and athena are just going to be cooking in an hour anyway

sent: Because, Buck, normal people clean the areas where they’re going to be preparing food.

buck fifty: miss me with that logic i havent had food poisoning in weeks dont @ me bro

Eddie let out a breathy bark of a laugh as he pushed up on the leg press again, his back drenched in sweat as he read over Buck’s reply. As much as he hated doing anything even remotely close to leg day, he figured that now was the time to work it out—a workout did better than a nap to help him wind down from back-to-back calls (and a near poisoning, Hen and Chim weren’t even back from the hospital yet), but it was a great way to keep his hands free so he could text Buck.

It was kind of sad, honestly, how many decisions that he made in his day to day life that were focused on Buck.

Today, though, the mission was a little more ‘what the fuck is up with Buck’ than it was anything else—Buck was a weird dude, sure, but he was acting jumpy and weird all fucking day today. Even in the moments when they were out on call, and Buck was in the zone, he still felt a little… off.

It was like there was a fucking satellite delay between them, and there had been all day. Eddie usually prided himself on being able to read a room, but today, it was like Buck was intentionally throwing walls his way.

Not that he was that attuned to Buck’s everyday emotions and mood, anyway. Nope. Definitely not.

…

fuck.

sent: Why don’t you come down here and do a few reps with me? Burn off some of that energy.

sent: Oh, wait, that isn’t an option for you yet. How sad.

buck fifty: look its not my fault that you happened to finish your chores earlier and i didnt

sent: …Buck, that is 100% your own fault. Are you good today? You’re weirding me out.

“Hello, 118! Did someone order a chef?” Eddie looked up as he heard Athena’s voice echo throughout the station, a smile on his face as he waved over to her. He loved the way that she had fit together with the station so well, and how she and Bobby got along as well as they did (even if he felt like he had to pay for it whenever Hen shot him a knowing look, less and less subtle with each passing day… okay, month), but he loved even more that she usually brought food, especially now, in what Eddie sincerely hoped would be a new tradition — Christmas dinner with his work family.

Make no mistake, Bobby’s cooking was phenomenal, but there was something about Athena’s family style everything that settled right in Eddie’s soul.

Maybe it was because she had the uncanny knack at seeing through his bullshit and calling him on anything and everything that he tried to pull when she was around, in a way that was both kind and hilariously firm.

Or maybe it was because she actually understood how to make a decent tex-mex meal.

Either way.

“Eddie, where’s our boys?”

Eddie looked up as Athena closed the distance to his machine in the gym, smiling as he did another rep. “Hey Athena. Buck’s cleaning up the kitchen, getting ready for you and Bobby.” he said easily, his legs giving a little wobble as he realized what he had said, eyes snapping to her easily. “Uh, I mean—“

“Diaz, please, we both know that was who I was talking about.” Athena said, cutting him off before he could answer, the knowing smile on her face making Eddie wish the ground would open him up and swallow him whole, but apparently LA was fresh out of earthquakes for the moment. Thankfully, Athena took some pity on him, keeping the conversation moving easily as she looked around the station. “I see he got a hold of the decorations. Good, the place looked too… clean before.” she said, and Eddie laughed even as his face flushed red, swinging his legs off the machine, the familiar burn in his thighs anchoring him in the moment. “Yeah, it really did. Buck said it looked like a Pottery Barn threw up.”

Eddie shook his head as Athena laughed, that same smile on her face again, but it was different now—easy, familiar, like she was seeing the answer to a puzzle that Eddie only had half the pieces to. “He’s a good man, Eddie. Both of you are. It’s just such a shame neither of you would know what healthy communication was if it bit you in the ass.” She said, shaking her head dramatically as she started up the stairs, leaving a completely baffled Eddie to grab his phone off of the machine as it buzzed again.

What the hell was she talking about? He and Buck communicated all the time.

buck fifty: ok now you have to help me

buck fifty: if athena and bobby are going to be in the kitchen together im going to wind up drowning in mushy

sent: How is that my problem? And don’t think you got by avoiding my other question.

buck fifty: eddie plz

sent: Use your words, Buck.

buck fifty: u gotta get up here and save me

sent: Have you cleaned out the oven yet?

buck fifty: ………

buck fifty: save me by helping me clean the oven

Okay, Eddie may have already lost the fight, but—

buck fifty: pleeeeeeeeeease

—but that didn’t mean he had to admit how wrapped around Buck’s pinky he was. He could still whine about it, he could still complain about it, he could still bring this up the next time he and Buck argued about who’s turn it was to go and answer the door when they ordered takeout. Cleaning the oven, that was absolutely something he could hold over Buck forever.

He made a quick detour to the locker room to change out of his gym clothes as he heard Athena greet the boys upstairs, his own smile begrudgingly pasted on as he remembered what Athena had said.

His boy. She had called Buck his boy.

It was… well, it was nice to dream.

He was basically floating on air as he made his way up the stairs, to the point where he almost walked straight until Bobby’s chest from where he stood at the top of the stairs. He let out a very masculine noise as he jumped back, nearly dropping his phone as Bobby clucked his tongue.

“Nope, Eddie, you know the rules. You and your black thumb need to stay far from the kitchen while we’re cooking.”

Eddie tried to sputter out a protest even as Athena laughed from her position near the fridge, unloading what looked like an actual mountain of groceries. “Come on Bobby, I’m sure he can’t be that bad—“

“He’s burned pasta, Athena.”

“That was one time!”

Eddie felt his face heat up as Buck immediately came to his defense, equal parts pleased and perturbed, as Bobby shook his head. “Not taking that chance, kid. Especially not while Athena is armed with two whole hams. Come on, go downstairs, shower up, and then we can find a way for you to help get ready for dinner that keeps you far away from the kitchen.”

“Cmon, Bobby—“

“Buck, you can clean the oven on your own. Now let’s go, we all got work to do.”

Eddie felt his mouth snap shut as Bobby dismissed him—not unkindly, nothing that Eddie hadn’t heard before, but the way that Buck was looking over at them was nothing short of tragic. He hadn’t seen Buck look that defeated since their run in at the grocery store in the midst of the lawsuit-that-they-didn’t-talk-about-seriously-Buck-we-both-apologized-it’s-fine.

Eddie’s brain continued to churn as he showered, nearly drowning himself beneath the scalding hot water as he tried to understand what the fuck was going on.

Buck had been acting weird. Which, honestly, wasn’t that unusual for Buck. Buck was a good man. He had his heart on his sleeve, like, constantly. He was happy when he was happy, he was sad when he was sad, and there was no hiding it when he was down.

And now, somehow, Eddie was bringing him down.

Or… when Eddie really thought about it, the lack of Eddie was bringing him down…

Eddie didn’t get to spend time with Buck, and Buck looked like someone had just stamped out his dreams.

And that… that was interesting.

The last piece of the puzzle finally sank into place as he toweled off his hair and stepped out of the locker room, right in time to hear Athena’s laugh ring through the station. He looked up to the loft in time to see Bobby dipping her into a kiss, but that wasn’t where his eyes focused—no, they were instead focusing on something red and green. Something red and green and small and something that was definitely not there before Buck started his redecorations this morning, hanging in front of the oven.

The oven that he was supposed to help Buck clean.

Eddie felt his eyes narrow as he looked around the station, trying to retrace his steps throughout the station from the moment he walked in that morning. The utility closet… the recreation area… and back to the kitchen again.

He felt a small smile, in spite of himself, spread across his face, something dangerously close to hope blooming in his chest. Fate seemed to smile on him as Hen and Chim pulled back into the firehouse bay, and he took the opportunity to smack Hen’s arm as she walked past him.

“Ow, Eddie, what the f—“

“I’m gonna risk it, Hen.” Eddie said, effectively cutting her off, knowing that she would pick up on what he meant immediately. “But I need some help. You got a minute?”

“Buckaroo, will you take these plates down to the table? Here, bring Eddie some silverware.”

“Yeah, no problem Chim.”

Eddie elbowed Hen away from him as Buck started down the stairs, trying his best to act like he was doing anything but listening up the stairs. He and Hen had been busy setting up the table (and a few other things) while Chim was assigned on running interference upstairs, which turned out to be the easiest job of all while Buck… well, while Buck moped.

Eddie hated Buck moping. Almost as much as he hated how cute he thought it was, now that he knew what Buck was up to.

Or, at least, he thought he knew what Buck was up to. He was still painfully aware of how wrong this could all go—maybe it was the magic of the season, maybe it was a year in the making, maybe it was Hen egging him on, but Eddie…

Eddie actually felt like he could do this.

Even if it meant that he had to play completely oblivious in the meantime.

“Alright, Buck,” Eddie started, taking the stack of plates out of Buck’s hand, somehow fighting the smile as Buck handed them over, “what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

Buck grumbled as he tugged at the corner of the table cloth, straightening out a few placemats as he shrugged. “Nothing, Eds, I’m fine. Just a weird day, I guess. Dinner should be good, though!” Buck said, hiking a smile up onto his face. Eddie did his best to hide a little laugh as he nodded to Hen, who had slipped into the cab of the ladder truck.

“Buck, come on. I’ve known you for years, you’re not fine. Weird, yes. Fine, no.”

Buck stuck out his tongue as he started to dole out forks and knives, the little lighthearted gesture doing something to ease the worry that Eddie felt at the base of his spine, but he could still see the tension coiled through his best friends shoulders.

“Seriously, Buck, I—“

“It’s fine, Eddie! I just…” Buck’s shoulder slumped as he started to deflate, the harsh tone of his voice giving way as his face flushed. Setting the last fork down, he started to pace in earnest, speaking with his hands as much as he was with his voice. “I just had a certain thought about how things might go this year, and fate, or destiny, or whatever, has made it very clear that’s not going to be how it goes. I dunno, I thought I could make things… different, or special or whatever?” he started, and Eddie seriously had to swallow the words that were threatening to spill over his lips.

Buck wanted to make things special. Buck wanted to make things special. For him. Like Buck didn’t do that kind of thing every day simply by existing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to worry about it.” Buck sighed as he put the last fork down and started pacing at the head of the table, and Eddie had to make sure his voice wasn’t going to waver when he spoke again.

“It still can be special, Buck—“

“Eds, it’s whatever. It was stupid anyway.”

“Buck.”

“No, Eddie, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have—“

“Buck. Stop. Breathe.”

Eddie grabbed both of Buck’s shoulders to stop him from pacing, raising his eyebrows as Buck finally made eye contact with him.

“Are you breathing? Okay. Great. Good. Now look up.”

“Eds, what are you talking about?”

“Buck, for the love of God, listen to me for once in your life and just look up.”

Eddie took a moment to savor the complete confusion written on Buck’s face as he finally comprehended what Eddie was asking (with a murmured complaint of “I always listen to you”), and Eddie let his eyes lock on to Buck’s face. Mostly because he wanted to see Buck’s reaction, but partially because he was afraid of what said reaction would be. Even if Buck was seeing the mistletoe above them for the first time, that Eddie had painstakingly tied to the top rung of the ladder that Hen had extended over the table from the truck, this was the moment of truth—and Eddie already knew what was up there.

Besides, Buck was a much better view than some green garnish.

“That’s, uhm.” Buck started, and Eddie finally gave up trying to keep the smile off his face. “That’s mistletoe.”

Eddie hummed thoughtfully as Buck looked back to him, “It is. I pulled some from the kitchen, found a sprig near the rec room, one from the utility closet…”

Buck actually had the decency to look surprised as he looked back to Eddie, literal stars in his eyes. “And you… put them together. And tied them to the ladder, and… got me to stand under it with you.” Buck continued, slowly, and Eddie gave a little chuckle as he nodded his head, taking a step closer. “I did. I mean, unless I’m misreading this entire situation, in which case I have no idea what you’re talking about, and if that’s the case, I’m going to go dig a hole out back and throw myself—mmhph.”

Eddie was more thankful than anything when Buck took the step forward to close the distance between them before he could start rambling, one hand on Eddie’s jaw to tilt it up (god he loved that Buck was taller than he was), the other warm and heavy on his hip (god, he loved Buck’s strong hands), lips slotting together with an ease that Eddie had never experienced with a first kiss before (god, he loved kissing Buck).

He also loved Hen and Chim, because no sooner did Chim hit the switch near the bay doors to dim the lights around the ladder truck did Hen manage to restart Buck’s Christmas playlist, Irving Berlin’s voice crooning about a white Christmas over the station speakers as Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s neck.

When they finally pulled back to breathe, Eddie found himself tiptoeing up to chase Buck’s lips, his face flushing bright red afterward when he realized what he had done. They both started laughing as Buck’s hands dropped down to Eddie’s waist, Eddie following suit and letting his hands rest on Buck’s shoulders, fitting together in a way that Eddie had only imagined.

“So… I guess the mistletoe worked out for you in the end.” Eddie said with a smile, and Buck laughed, shaking his head, that beautiful ruddy color staining his cheeks again. “Eds, I, uh… I’ve kind of been working up the courage to do something like this for weeks.” He said sheepishly, and Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, smacking Buck’s shoulder.

“Weeks? To think, you still had months to go before you were anywhere close to my level.” Eddie said as he pulled away, sighing as he smoothed over Buck’s collar, a smile on his face as he turned and left a stunned Buck in his wake.

“Wait, Eddie, what?”

Eddie shook his head as he walked back into the locker room, Buck following suit shortly after.

“Eds, no, wait! How long did I pine without needing to?? Eddie!!”

#911giftexchange #buddie #911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #idiots in love #mutual pining #first kiss #fluff #christmas #merry crisis!#flospeaks

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kom-wanheda · 5 years ago

Text

What a Catch

Evan Buckley Week

March 26th - Day 4: “You want to marry me?” + love

Maddie’s looking at him with a strange expression, almost secretive, almost… guilty? Chimney is standing off to the side, hands shoved so far into his pockets that he’s about to lose his elbows in there.

Buck straightens. “Maddie? What’s going on?”

“I found… something I probably wasn’t supposed to see,” Maddie winces out.

Read on ao3 or under the cut.

“Hey, Buck, can you give me and Chim a hand in here?”

Buck looks up from the poker game he’s playing with Bobby, Athena, Hen, and Eddie towards the kitchen doorway. Maddie and Chimney had mysteriously disappeared there almost thirty minutes ago.

“Uh, Mads, I’m kind of in the middle of something!” he yells, concentrating on his cards, eyeing up his opponents playfully. The center of the table is a mess of poker chips and actual chips from when Buck got a little too… enthusiastic. Buck makes a note to clean that up later.

“We all know you’re not going to win, so just save us all the theatrics and come here, will you?” Maddie calls back.

Everyone at the table laughs at Buck, who manages to look affronted for a few seconds before he deflates and throws his cards face-up on the table. It was a shitty hand, he has to admit. “Fine, maybe, but they didn’t know I was going to lose!”

Hen scoffs, knocking elbows with Athena, who is smirking over her cards at him. Hen looks back towards Buck when she says, “Buck, I’m sorry to say, but your strategy sucks.”

“Okay, rude, I hate you all,” Buck huffs out, standing from the table dramatically. That gets a good chuckle out of everyone, even Eddie, the traitor. Buck can’t help but grin, losing any believability he had for actually being upset.

As Buck passes Eddie, he reaches out and squeezes Buck’s hand, a silent acknowledgment. It’s just a quick squeeze of hi yes hello, but it sends a thrill up Buck’s spine, anyways. Buck’s smile turns a bit dopey.

He passes by where the kids are stationed around the sofa. Albert’s got every single one of them entranced in a story about South Korea, including May, whose attention has strayed from her phone for so long the screen’s gone black. Karen abandoned poker a long time ago, and she’s sitting next to Denny, stroking her hand across his back, baby Nia nestled securely in her lap.

Buck leans down to give Chris a quick kiss to his head, and while Chris doesn’t look away from Albert’s gesticulating hands, he does reach up and touch Buck’s cheek gently. Buck’s heart melts a little more, like it does every single time Chris does something so obliviously sweet.

As Buck gets to the kitchen, he grabs onto the door frame and swings into the room, eyeing up his sister. “My dearest Maddie, what is it you needed my help with that could not have possibly waited until I lost fair and square?”

Buck straightens. “Maddie? What’s going on?”

“I found… something I probably wasn’t supposed to see,” Maddie winces out.

“Found something? What do you mean?”

Maddie’s words start coming out in a rush. “We were just cleaning up after dinner, and your bag was sitting on the counter, so I went to move it and then it fell off the table and some stuff rolled out.” Maddie wrings her hands together before gesturing to the island in front of her. Where a small, dark purple jewelry box is sitting.

A very familiar jewelry box.

Buck springs forward, snatching it up. “Maddie,” Buck hisses, “you went through my stuff?”

“I didn’t mean to! It just fell out with all your dirty clothes when I picked your bag up!”

“The box was in a sealed pocket, Maddie, there’s no way it could have just ‘fallen out’! You were snooping!”

“I was not! I’m not twelve,” Maddie says indignantly, “Also, how was I supposed to know that you were hiding an engagement ring in your work bag?”

“Shh!” Buck says, frantically waving his hands at her. “Keep your voice down!”

Maddie covers her mouth, perhaps just now realizing that the hopeful recipient of said ring is just in the other room.

Buck glances down at the box in his hands, runs his fingers over the familiar velvety soft exterior before clicking it open, just to check. He must have done that a thousand times already since he picked it up that morning on his way in to work. Both rings are still nestled there safely. He catches the pair watching him, and he snaps it closed, hiding the box behind his back, as if Maddie and Chimney — who has remained questionably silent this entire time — have no object permanence, and once hidden, the knowledge of the box’s existence would be gone as well.

Maddie switches gears, eyes going all soft. “Buck, how long have you been carrying that around with you?”

“I just picked it up today, that’s the only reason why it was in my bag to begin with. I bought it a few weeks ago,” Buck mumbles.

Finally, Chimney seems to get his voice back. “I know you guys have been dating for a while, but you really think it’s time?”

“Remind me, Chim, how many months was it again before you asked my sister to marry you?” Buck retorts, raising an eyebrow.

Chimney laughs, right hand ghosting over to touch the metal band around his ring finger. Buck isn’t actually upset, of course he can’t be, not when Maddie and Chimney are so obviously perfect for one another.

Maddie wraps her arm around her husband, smiling softly down at the ring on her own finger. It makes Buck happy to see his sister and friend happy, but he can’t deny how desperately he wants a taste of that, too.

“It’s only been about a year since we started dating, but I know it’s what I want. I’m pretty sure it’s what Eddie wants, too. But god, Maddie, I’m so nervous. The last thing I want to do is move too quickly, especially since all of this is totally new territory for me. I’ve never been married before, but Eddie has, you know? I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to replace Shannon, especially when it comes to Chris.” Buck says more than he planned to, but now that both of them know, he needed to talk to someone. It’s not like he could confide in his best friend for advice, since it’s his best friend he’s going to pop the question to.

“Well, I don’t have much advice for you there,” Chimney says, “We were just doing the dishes one night after dinner and it just kind of… popped out.”

“Yeah, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes. “The least romantic engagement story I’ve ever heard.”

“Hey!” Maddie laughs, gazing up at Chimney with obvious love in her eyes. “It worked on me, didn’t it?”

Buck shakes his head, turning his attention back to the box cradled in his hands. “I just love them both so much, you know? I love our life together. I just want to make sure all three of us are ready, and when the time is right, hopefully I’ll know what to say.”

It’s then, when all three of the kitchen’s occupants are either distracted by each other or distracted by what ifs, when Buck hears a choked sound coming from behind him.

All three of them turn quickly, and Eddie is right there, a collection of empty beer bottles in his hands. “I, uh, was just coming in here to recycle these,” Eddie explains haltingly. He thrusts the bottles forward, as if to prove his story. “I swear I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.”

Buck is a little dumbfounded. As soon as he turned around, he had shoved the ring box into his front pocket, and it’s a tight fit and so obvious he almost wants to cover it up with his hands. As if that would help.

“Why don’t we grab those bottles from you and take the other trash outside, huh, Maddie?” Chimney says quickly, moving forward and collecting the bottles from Eddie’s lax hands.

“Sure, sounds like a two person job, definitely,” Maddie rambles a bit. She pats Buck on the head as she scurries out the kitchen door with Chimney, and despite her having to stretch to even reach his head, it still feels a bit condescending. But mostly comforting.

Good luck, Buck.

He’s left face to face with his boyfriend. Maybe more, his brain unhelpfully supplies.

“Hey, babe,” Buck stutters, a nervous smile on his lips, “How much of that did you hear?”

Eddie takes a step closer, and it’s so easy for Buck to fall into Eddie’s orbit, to lean into his embrace. “Enough, I think. You want to marry me?” Eddie murmurs softly, eyes not traveling any higher than Buck’s neck. They’re so close now that they could bump noses if one of them tilts their head right, so Buck does, trying to get Eddie to look at him. Ah. There they are, those warm brown eyes Buck loves so much. Eddie still looks hesitant, uncertain, and that hurts Buck a little.

“Eddie, of course I do. You are my most favorite part of every day. Chris, too,” Buck adds, leaning down to maintain eye-contact as Eddie tries to duck away. “I know we haven’t talked about it in so many words, but… in theory,” Buck stresses, and Eddie laughs a little, “would you want to do… that, one day?” Fuck, he needs to practice saying those words if he’s stumbling this hard right now and it’s not even real.

Eddie can’t fight the hesitant smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, I do,” he whispers, and hearing that combination of words jumpstarts Buck’s heart.

“Good, because that’s going to happen one day. Not tonight, I haven’t even gotten the rings engraved yet,” Buck complains, “but someday. We’re going to get married, I’m going to move in, and then we get to plan the rest of our lives together.” It all sounds like a dream, a dream Buck never would have known he wanted just a few years ago, but god, he does want it, and he wants it with this man standing in front of him. Buck can’t help it: he leans in and presses his mouth to Eddie’s, gently biting on his lower lip before pulling a hair's breadth away to speak. “How’s that sound?”

Eddie’s never been good with verbally expressing himself, and Buck knows he’s been trying. He can see the thoughts as they race across his face, can almost read the words desperately trying to get out, but they never quite make it to his mouth. That’s okay, Buck doesn’t mind. As soon as Buck gets those rings on both their fingers, they’ll have the rest of their lives to work on it. Together.

“Sounds like something I could get used to,” Eddie finally settles on, pulling Buck’s face back to his, stealing another kiss. Buck presses closer, feels the jewelry box cut into his hip as Eddie pushes into him. Buck opens his mouth to bite Eddie’s lip again, but that’s when Eddie pulls away.

Buck makes a face and Eddie laughs at him, his hands ghosting up from where he was cradling Buck’s neck to his cheek, thumb brushing gently along the end of Buck’s eyebrow.

“I don’t really want to get too out of hand at your sister’s house. Especially not with all of our friends in the other room,” Eddie explains.

Oh, Buck gets it, but he still pouts a little.

“Come on, cariño, I want to watch you lose at poker again,” Eddie gently jabs, smile never leaving his face.

Buck allows himself to be pulled back into the living area, and it appears the rest of the world kept on spinning as Buck’s spun into a new orbit. Buck and Eddie are quickly welcomed back into the casual joviality of the group. Buck catches Maddie peering around the corner spying on them, and he sticks his tongue out at her. You know, like an adult. She smiles gleefully back.

“Can’t we just play go fish or something?” Buck whines, tugging on Eddie’s hand.

“Why, you wanna lose at a child’s game, too?”

Laughter erupts as everyone apparently catches that. Buck can’t even pretend to be mad, the presence of that box in his pocket making him feel damn near weightless.

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oilcolor · 7 years ago

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I’m putting this under a readmore because it’s LONG and totally not because I’m a NERVOUS WRECK OR ANYTHING so uh.. stick figures

here we are

on a blog named after a shitty OC I never fuckin talk about because the whole thing is Fucking Dumb

So.. I guess a really, really brief rundown would be like.. (incoming old art please let me live)

(this picture is like two years old im sorry leave me alone fUck) Oil himself is an obnoxious overdramatic extremely emotional but well-meaning little kind-of-a-dude His STILL UNNAMED AFTER TWO BLOODY YEARS species are a bunch of highly-adaptive shapeshifters that have taken a liking to human culture, so to blend in they look vvvaguely humanoid he’s still just goo at the end of the day.. just goo. Long backstory short he left home to go make it big and Immediately Crashed And Burned, he’s now rooming with his overly-generous friend and doing fuck all with his life besides freaking people the fuck out with his constant outbursts. Dude has like 2 friends that put up with him Right now he doesn’t have a set job, he just blasts through as many odd-jobs as he can manage in one day (shoe-shining, window-washing, chimney-sweeping, I dont know he’d probably suck dick for a dollar) and fucking Dies when he’s through He’s fine though! He’s fine. It’s fine

This is his roommate Charcoal and the entire reason he’s alive rn He insists he is not a cat but nobody listens Compared to Oil he really, really has his shit together (but I guess compared to Oil, everyone does). He comes off as really stern and serious, but it’s only because he really values efficiency and not wasting his time (The FASTEST way onto his shitlist is if you make an appointment with him and show up late) - otherwise he’s actually incredibly sweet, and is a walking fucking charity. Like he’s selfless to a fault and every extra minute and resource he finds himself with, he dedicates to someone who needs it more He’s typically the one trying to keep Oil & co. out of trouble He is Everyone’s Mom, essentially Also he fucking Loathes humans. what a shame he has to work with them 24/7

(THREE YEARS...) Shellac is Oil’s runt of a childhood friend and just. A weird concoction of things He’s a confectioner, and a fighter-for-sport, and a self-proclaimed fashionista, and a math wiz, and an absolute dickhead He’s just.. This little. Fuck On one hand he is bizarrely more mature than Oil in that like.. He really shockingly has his shit figured out despite his age. My dude is smart and knows how to handle himself, he’s extremely proud of his independence (but like.. to a fault. he never accepts help with Anything, and he’s extremely stingy about offering it, too) On the other hand he is the living embodiment of childhood rebellion and he will fucking jump headfirst out a window if you tell him he can’t He’s only especially close to Oil and he’s alright with Charcoal - everyone else has to bend over backwards to impress him or live up to his standards, ESPECIALLY if they’re trying to get involved with any of his established friends. He’s a billion times more overprotective than he’ll ever admit

(this is also old leave me BE) Ink is some loser sailor Oil meets - he’s a complete hermit, and Almost Mute? They meet completely by chance and somehow work out wonderfully as friends because Ink... comes off as really cold and standoffish though he really doesn’t mean to He loves and deeply values company, seeing as he’s usually on his own for months on end - but nobody wants to hang out with a stone-faced unresponsive probably-an-octopus-in-disguise except, apparently, some dude who is physically incapable of Shutting The Fuck Up who is DELIGHTED to have found someone eager to have completely one-sided ‘conversations’ for hours on end without telling him he’s being an annoyance Otherwise he’s kind of a stereotypical nerd and a really painfully corny hopeless romantic. Very shy and buries himself in books type Kkkkinda starved for attention and a little socially messed up as a result, but who isnt, here And all this shit is is their Fucked Up Selves living their Fucked Up Lives in a Fucked Up City so those were the first four idiots I made out of eight billion and they’re fucking lame and I’m tired.

thank u 4 listen, im gonna go set myself on fire

#Im not freaking out you're freaking out #txt #long story short: gemsona gone terribly wrong #brace for long post. :')#if i delete this KICK MY ASS IM SERIOUS #but theres. ur fuckin. intro #OIL YOUR STICKS

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stalkmesoihavenoexcuses · 7 years ago

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I’m supposed to be working but instead I made a shameless self-insert maid persona, oh well.

Idk if Littletale is taken yet so if not, she works for the main lil’ 6, if so she just works for LittleFell. Her name is Mocha, and she was hired by Gaster but she can never quite remember his name so she calls him Sir or Doctor. Her masters are:

Brick (Red): A biter. He knows not to swear and actually keeps a pretty clean mouth when no one else is around, but as soon as adults are present he curses just to get her in trouble. Also, she can’t spank him because he gets too eager about it and it makes her uncomfortable. He mostly bites when he’s angry or upset, but sometimes he just does it... just because?? Sometimes it’s a twisted form of affection? Sometimes he just wants to taste blood? He’s a freaky little shit and a shitty little freak. He likes watching horror movies because he likes to s u f f e r and also he knows Mocha will cuddle him.

Soot (Black): A tiny tyrant. If you laugh at him or his name, he WILL put thumbtacks in your food. Most kids just SAY they’re going to kill you. Soot doesn’t play around. He pushes adults around and acts terrible because he knows they don’t like him, and when someone is nice to him he doesn’t believe them. He torments Mocha because he has a hard time accepting that she genuinely cares. He’s trying to see how far he can push her before she turns to hating him, while secretly hoping that she never will. (Because he’s a tsundere like that.) He likes horror movies because they make him feel tough compared to the others, but he secretly wants to be cuddled and knows Mocha will instinctively reach out for her babies when the atmosphere starts getting tense. (She’s a protective Mama Hen, and needs to know they’re okay before she’ll calm down herself.) He can’t ask for cuddles, so he “allows” her to cuddle him since she’s “such a big baby and all.”

Navy (Sans): Sleepy and generally undemanding, but tricky to manage. You have to word things like you’re coding a computer, because he WILL find a loophole in everything you say. He’s also occasionally argumentative and sometimes lashes out and causes problems for similar reasons as Soot, and because he’s been taught to fear humans and feels like Mocha needs to be punished for the war. That’s not a conscious act, and he usually feels bad about it but his boyish pride forbids formal apologies. Doesn’t like most physical contact but he likes to fall asleep against her leg a lot. It’s not intimate enough to embarrass him but it’s a subtle sign that he cares and trusts her. He won’t do this if they’re upset with each other. He likes documentaries and cartoons.

Tan (Papyrus): He is just a bundle of energy and joy! An accidental biter. He means no harm but he’s clumsy, and he’ll go in for head-bumps, nuzzles and kisses but forget to stop chattering away and he’ll end up nipping her. Then he cries until she reassures him that she’s okay. (Honestly? She barely feels it at this point. She’s so used to Brick’s bites that Tan’s might as well be flea bites.) He likes cartoons, and is basically enraptured by almost anything you put in front of him. Like, he will literally get sucked in and forget everything else the moment you set him in front of the TV.

Apricot (Orange): Lying thief trash. No, ma’am. He has no idea why the cookie jar is empty and the honey is all gone. He also lacks a sense of privacy for others and will get into Mocha’s things without asking. Troublesome child. Likes to mess with Mocha’s head and try her patience a lot. He enjoys mysteries, and he tends to solve the plot of the movie and sometimes spoils it for everyone else by giving the ending away. He writes stories with plot twists that are inconsistent with themselves. He’ll watch horror movies, but he’s the one that makes running commentary with Navy and tries to solve who the killer is, etc. as a means of hiding how nervous he actually is.

Periwinkle (Blue): Actually secretly a koala. But seriously though... he is cuddly and talkative and becomes vindictive if he feels like he’s being ignored. (I.e, he gets jealous if Mocha pays more attention to the others than to him.) He HATES horror movies but loves to be cuddled and comforted and doesn’t like being teased by the others, so he tries to be strong. He really likes princess movies, because he wants to be a prince. The others tease him about this, too.

Mocha was fired once. It didn’t last long. With the main six, she got packed and then was rehired on the spot because the children had thrown a monster tantrum and the only way to stop the chaos was to bring her back. For LittleFell: She unwittingly avoided getting killed that day. She was told to pack to keep her occupied and unsuspicious, and to make disposing of her personal belongings easier. She was promptly rehired and came back to greet the Mother of All Messes. Brick and Soot were triumphant. She was... tired, mostly. She had to clean and arrange for repairs to the property, and Doctor didn’t help a bit. He rarely checks in anyway... Once, she asked him to wear a nametag, but it just said “Dr. “ and it gave her a headache, so they gave that up. Honestly, she’s more like a hostage nanny/maid than anything... the only way she’s EVER leaving is if she puts them down for a nap, slips out the back, and RUNS.

Ironically, because she’s a dorky intellectual and incredibly friendly and patient with the kids, she would actually have a crush on adult Red if they met. She’d just fight those feelings down into the pit of her soul because she knows better. Sans she might be more open to, but she’s too shy to say anything. Mostly, her entire life revolves around her charges and she doesn’t have time for much else. Also, it would be really weird to like them?? They’re the adult versions of her basically adopted sons?? She’s normally pretty soft-spoken but she DOES have a Mama Bear Mode, so beware. If she met the other maids, her protective nature would extend to them, too, because she’s the Mom Friend Tm and will protect ALL of them WITH HER LIFE. She will actually stand up for her charges ferociously, and sometimes Brick and Soot will purposely antagonize others into snapping at them or just straight-up frame them to watch her do this. In their messed up little edgy minds, this is the most brazen display of her love for them... her willingness to verbally tear someone to ribbons for upsetting them.

If she finds out about Savory’s episode in the attic or some of Red’s shenanigans, Master Sans and Master Red had better be ready to feel the hurt. Or at least get nagged really hard. And teleportation won’t save you, boys! She’ll chain you to staircase if she has to!! (Maaaaybe slightly sadomasochistic.) Constantly wearing bandaids, mostly because Brick will bite into the scabs if she doesn’t. In LittleFell she is covered in these. She is mostly deredere, with slight tsundere tendencies, and would rather teach the kids random fun facts about bugs and fish and parasites than math and history. Chunky because she stress eats. (Makes her a better cuddler!) She shares Navy’s selective dislike of touching. (She’ll allow certain people. And kids. That’s it.)

Nonviolent pacifist and physically weak, but if someone hurt her babies or was threatening them... if the only way to protect them was to kill a man... she’d kill him dead, make sure the kids are alright, then throw up.

In her mind, she calls them the “Chimney” “Beach” and “Summer” brothers.

#Maidsona #6S1M #WeLP #THIS IS A THING NOW

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tristan-david-liffen · 7 years ago

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The first chapter of a book that i am writing, I know not a lot of people will probably see this but i might as well post it. I’m working on the title, but at the moment i have an idea of it being ‘Stars within the lost and the found’ or ‘Missing Stars’

`-Chapter one-

Sadness Begins

-Tyler-

So, I’m looking out my window at the world and all I can see is sadness, and I can’t help but wonder why, why can’t I see happiness? The happiness that everyone else sees or the reasons to go outside that someone else can see, as I can’t see any and I don’t know if that makes me a freak or not but it definitely means I’m not normal.

I should probably introduce myself, my name is Tyler, Tyler Livermore if you really want to know my last name. I’m British, but I’ve been brought up in America, which isn’t that bad when you think about it. Meaning, yeah there’s a lot more crime out here than there is back in Britain but, There’s way more space out here. It’s interesting to just go wandering as you might find something you haven’t seen before. One thing that isn’t good though, is that I haven’t seen my best friend since I was 9. Oh, by the way I’m 14. Born on the 24th February, 2002. So, with that information you’ll know it’s the year 2016 in the present time.

Anyway, my best friend’s name is Sam. Now, Sam was a lively person to be around and with her I always used to feel like I fitted in. I could be happy and creative and actually imagine things. The last day we had together we hid under her bed as we didn’t want to be apart from each other. Ha-ha, yeah that was the last time anyone actually felt the need to be around me, as much as Sam did anyway.

It’s been 5 years, yet I can’t forget about her, I think of her occasionally; wondering what she was doing and who she was with. Even thinking about if she even remembers who I am or what I look like. Sam’s probably changed a lot, I haven’t really though, I still have the same haircut as I had back when we spent time together, my face still practically looks the same apart from a few spots, which is to be expected I suppose. My body is slightly thinner and obviously taller but it’s not so different that you wouldn’t be able to see that it’s me. I do miss her and my family still have her families phone number, but I can’t ring it. The reason is, That I don’t want to interfere with her newly found Tyler-free Life.

My family don’t bother with me anymore, they barely notice me leaving or entering the house, and when they do all I get is a “How was your day, Tyler?” and a “Have a good night”, then that’s pretty much it for the day.

I only have about two, maybe three friends if I’m lucky that I hang around with at school. First off there’s Hannah, She’s pretty small. She’s the energetic always ready to go somewhere new type of person. Can be annoying at times I suppose, But she’s a good friend and has always been there for me since I’ve been the British outcast in an American society. Secondly there’s Lunar, Weird name I know. He kind of came out of nowhere at the start of term; we started talking and we have a few things in common, Such as we both like the same television shows. Thirdly, on occasions there is Mai, She’s Quite pretty. That’s probably one of the reasons she hardly hangs around with me. She’s popular with girls, just not with guys and I don’t understand that as she’s fucking stunning.

Anyway, back to the present day. Back to my small, crowded window. Looking out at the rain covering the vast country side for miles. My phone vibrates, It’s Katherine.

Now, I haven’t introduced Katherine yet, I’ve know her for about eight months now. We haven’t met, But she’s great. She’s gorgeous and funny and just pretty much unexplainable. We dated for a while near when we first met but it didn’t last as long as we hoped, I would rather not explain why but I don’t hold anything against her, thankfully our friendship strengthened afterwards.

Katherine: How’re ya today?

Tyler: I’m pretty good, thanks. You?

Katherine: I’m as good as I could be yanno?

Unfortunately, I do know. I know what it feels like to just feel like you’re full but not as full as what everyone else is, yet this is still your limit, Not good. Not Bad. Just okay. You know? Just surviving. As if you’re on top of a ledge and you’ve fallen but you’re still holding on, and there’s someone reaching for you and they have enough strength to pull you up but you kind of have the feeling like you just want to let go and splat onto the concrete floor beneath you.

I’m looking out my window into the sad world beneath my feet and I can’t help but think about Sam. Is she thinking what I’m thinking? Is she going through what I am? Is she ‘Okay’ or is she ‘bad’, or maybe even ‘Happy’? I want to know all these things but I can’t call, I just can’t. All I can do is just hope that she is doing good and isn’t even going through 1% of what I am right now.

My phone Buzzes again, This time it’s Lunar.

Lunar: Meet me under the bridge?

Tyler: Yeah sure? Be there in 10 minutes. Anything wrong or just want company?

Lunar: A bit of both.

As I’m approaching the bridge I can see A trail of smoke in the air, Which I can only think is coming from the cigarette that Lunar is probably smoking, Probably his 10th in the past half an hour. I walk under the bridge and to no surprise I see Lunar laying there, with his head peeked just enough over the side so that he can look up at the sky without getting hit with much rain. “Hey, Lunar.” I say, In my quiet yet deep voice.

“Yo, Tyler? You actually came!” He says.

“Of course I did, I wouldn’t miss out on the chance to see the wonderfully amazing chimney like Lunar now, would I?” I Exclaim, trying to sound as excited as I can.

“Ha, Good joke. Anyway I’m glad you came. I was hoping we could talk about the future or the past or just how we’re feeling I guess. Meaning, personally I’m feeling pretty shitty but Not as shitty as before, Adele’s helping a lot, you know?” He says, In a surprisingly cheerful voice.

“The Worldwide famous singer, or your star crossed lover?” I say.

“The second one, idiot. Besides, we aren’t even together.” Says Lunar.

“Well, yeah. But everyone knows you adore her.” I reply, trying to be as polite as possible.

At this moment, Adele appears. She’s not around me much, A lot of reasons why; I suppose. For one I’m known as a freak, Or at the very most and Outcast of society. I don’t usually label myself though, as I change all the time. One thing that doesn’t change, though, is the way I see things. If somethings wrong with the world, I notice it. It’s just a coincidence that there isn’t anything right with the world. There’s bullies, and social groups that people will never ‘Fit’ into to. It’s known as life to every generation that comes into being, but why do we have to live with it? Some people can live with it, Others can’t. Those that can’t don’t survive a very long time, they eventually split right into two. Just so happens, I’m broken. And broken things don’t belong with Perfectly clear, beautifully put together things.

Adele just happens to be one of those people, and I, as an entire being do not belong anywhere near her, so much, that I get completely ditched for her. Lunar and Adele move further down the Underpass of the bridge, Making as much space between me and her as they can. I can’t blame them, most things I go near break too, and the ones that don’t are masterpieces.

Once they stop talking Lunar comes back over to me, acting as if he didn’t leave me alone for more than a second, we carry on talking.

“Hey, Tyler” Says Lunar as he approaches.

“Yeah, What? Something on your mind other than the body of your long-time crush?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Dickhead. Anyway, I was wondering, is there any girl you’re actually into? As I always see you alone looking over at people, and I can’t always tell if you just want to kill them, or if you want to be like them.”

As soon as he mentions love, I kind of blur myself out of reality. Meaning, of course I’ve had crushes on people, but I’ve never actually dated someone. Apart from Katherine, that is. The thing is, People don’t really count long-distance relationships as something that’s serious. As you either never see each other or only see each other a couple of times a day, it sucks. I see where people come from but I don’t see how it isn’t serious, it’s still a love-like relationship even if you don’t see each other, Most things are over social media these days anyway. Anyway, back to the question at hand. No, I don’t like anyone. Well... I don’t think that I do anyway. I don’t exactly get love, meaning yeah you get to be kissed, hugged and possibly fucked, but it won’t change everything? You may be happy with that person for a little while, but most relationships at the age of 14, The other person (or you) gets bored. I’m not an expert on love or anything but, Love mostly just breaks people from what I’ve seen, well what we call love anyway. I just don’t get it. Do I necessarily need someone to love? Or does it just not matter. Do I need someone to love me? Or can I get by with only myself.

All I manage to say is “No.”

“No?? That’s all you’re giving me? Wow, man you really must have a shit time as being by yourself sucks. I suppose you could just be waiting though.” Says Lunar

“Waiting for what? To be inevitably torn apart? By a person whom I trust and respect? By someone I love? I don’t want that. And I’ll never want that. So have fun in your shitty relationship, fucking the shit out of each other and smoking; Because one day, you’ll be fucking torn apart by that girl you adore so much. She’ll rip that pathetic little heart right out of your body, and boom. You’ll realize that the day you got together was complete and utter suicide. You’re 14. You don’t need to be in love to be happy. As far as I can tell, you have your cigarettes for that, they seem to help you to survive. Keep smoking, yeah it kills you? So what? For the time you’re alive it helps you, and in the end that’s all that really matters. If you manage to survive, or if you’re completely torn apart, as those that are torn apart are just thrown away. And those that are thrown away can’t come back, they just can’t.” I say, Angry.

After I say this, Lunar’s face goes into a completely shocked state. I worry that I’ve done something wrong, but I tell myself that if I didn’t say it now, then whenever I did it would come out worse that what it did now.

“What?” I ask

“God you can be such a cunt sometimes Tyler, I still love you, though.” Replies Lunar, in a Mid toned voice.

After this, he just walks away, and puts his thumb up when he’s just far enough so that I can barely see him. I hope he isn’t pissed off with me, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just get angry, Kids in love just annoy me. Majority of them are talking to other people other than those they are ‘Meant to be with forever.’ Maybe my brain functions differently to everyone else?

It’s 11:00pm, I open my window and climb out of it, stumbling onto the pathway beneath it. It’s cold, I like it. It makes me feel alive. I start running, as far as I can. I want to be as far away as possible, away from everything. I run and I run and I run, until I just stop. I stop, and look up at the sky, the stars are shining brightly tonight. It’s beautiful. Just like you.

-Morning, 7:15am.-

It’s school today, I haven’t slept; nothing new. I hardly sleep, especially on school night. I’m out most of the night. My phone buzzes, and when I look at it, It’s Hannah.

Hannah: You up yet?

Tyler: Well, Yeah. When am I not up at this time?

Hannah: Shut up! You know it’s polite to just ask it, idiot. Did you sleep well?

Tyler: I didn’t sleep, again. When do I ever? How about you? I’m assuming you slept bad because you’re always nervous about the first day back.

Hannah: Yeah, I got about 5 hours sleep. You coming to meet me to walk together or?

Tyler: You do realise that by walking with me you’re immediately labelled as an outcast buddy for the whole year, right?

Hannah: Oh well, I’d rather be your friend than Luke’s.

This is what I like about Hannah, She’s always so laid back. She can just say what she wants, well to me anyway as she knows I wouldn’t ever judge her for it. As for Luke, Who’s mentioned, He’s the High School Jock, you know? The one who’s at the top of everything. Girls find him attractive, the boys find him attractive too. He’s the one that everyone goes after at some point, if they’re in a position to. Hannah was the first girl to last over a month with him. Saying that, he cheated on her for most of it. And of course he asked her for nudes and whatsoever, and of course, being the prick that he is. Luke shows his mates these pictures and that starts another problem in society. The over sexualisation. Luke only spread the pictures as Hannah had the guts to split up with him, and honestly I’m proud of her. Obviously not because of the pictures though. This was one of the key events that started Hannah’s depression stages, where she occasionally feels like she doesn’t want to be alive, and at times; has attempted suicide. Luckily she’s still alive, Bad things have also came from this though. As The one and only Luke stopped her one time, and of course this is more dirt that he has on her. It hadn’t made her unpopular though, the boys and girls of our school still liked her, she just didn’t like them back, eventually she found me, and we started talking. Since that day we have gotten closer and closer.

There’s was one point where me, being the stupid person that I am, attempted to block her out of my life. I told her I was sorry for it, and that I was a prick. She pretty much just agreed and we moved straight on.

There was a day before that though, where I suppose I had a thing for her; she knew I did. After that day ended. We spent the day together, Wandering a Village. It was fun, we stopped at points to rest, and take photos. The scenery was beautiful. On that day, I would have probably said something poetic like “Almost as pretty as her”. Meaning, yeah she’s pretty but I don’t have the fixation on her as I did back then, I pretty much adored her. I was in “love” in a Teenage-I-don’t-give-a-fuck way. We held hands most of that day, I wouldn’t say she was leading me on or anything, but that was probably one of the reason I fell for her so easily. The feeling of an actual person that I “love” and trust against me, I’d never really felt it before. After that day ended; for a couple of weeks it was all I could think about. She was all I could think about. She was in love with another prick, though. I can’t really blame her, meaning I was jealous but just in a protective way. I was glad she was happy. Her happiness spread onto me, But of course… That meant her sadness did too. She often puts herself down and says that no one wants or loves her. If she ever reads this, I want her to know that she is fucking amazing, literally. You’re stunning and deserve to be happy and I’m sorry I’m not always about to tell you who not to get close to, as I know you’ll continue to fall for pricks and I understand why, as in your mind they’re amazing. Much like what you are in mine.

I don’t know how to reply so I just meet her where I usually do, and we walk through our same, boring village and look at our surroundings. The scenery in our village can be pretty, for me I find it better to look at late at night. It’s atmospheric and beautiful, and I wish I could just stay in the moment forever. As me and Hannah are walking to school, she speaks; mostly about how attractive some of the boys at our school are. I tend not to pay attention and when she realises that I’m not, I just start saying something that interests me. The particular Phrase this morning is “Everything that fly’s, either lands, crashes; or ultimately disappears.” She doesn’t even understand what it means, so I continue to explain it to her.

“Well, the flying motion can represent happiness. That changes the phrase to ‘Everything that’s ever happy’. Now, when you think of happiness, what do you think of?” I say.

“Death. Sex. Drugs. Boys. Boyfriends. Time with friends. Things along that line, I suppose” Hannah replies.

“Happiness Is something that is acquired differently for everyone, some people’s happiness can be other sadness. Yet the point of the second part of the phrase is that happiness can be safe, and it can last for people. Which is the Landing, as it’s safe and secure. Crashing is a mostly hurtful event, so it’s saying that someone’s happiness could be completely destroyed by another person. Or by themselves; either way they’ve lost it and are most likely going to be sad for a while. Disappearing though, oh god that’s the worst. It just goes, the happiness you had just runs away. You don’t even realise it. All your feelings are just numb, or you literally can’t feel anything for anyone. Your emotions are just gone. You can’t get them back as you don’t know where they’ve gone or how they left. They just did. That’s all you know. They’re gone. You’re left alone, with people around you and the only thing you can do is just live. Just be alive, around everyone else. You have to act normal as you don’t know what happens, so in a way you are lying to everyone. Your smile isn’t a smile anymore. Your tears aren’t because of sadness anymore. Nothing means anything anymore.” I say, trying to sound as if I’m not intelligent, or insane. I usually get called either of those. As apparently I see things in something that isn’t even there. It’s a gift though, really. As what if my eyes are open more than anyone else’s? And I can see more than anyone else.

Hannah doesn’t even reply, she hasn’t ignored me though, either. She’s probably just thinking. Meaning, what I said is kind of deep I guess. She should understand it, she’s one of the minority of people that actually understand most of what I say. It’s not really a good thing though, if I was her I wouldn’t want to understand me.

We continue walking, we’re almost at our school. Hannah just stops. She then walks up to my shoulder, and she’s almost crying. She places her head onto the side of my shoulder, and holds me. She just holds me. I can barely hear her but she says

“Tyler, how are you so smart? It’ll be the death of you, I don’t understand how you can create phrases like that but it means a lot. You’re hurt. I don’t know how but you’re hurt and whenever you’re ready to tell someone. I’m here. I’m always here, even when you can’t feel anything, I feel those emotions for you. I can’t let you go through everything alone. So please, when you’re ready. Tell me.”

Hannah then lift her head up, and I’m looking down at her and all I can see is her cute, little smile. It’s like a ray of happiness, shattering the walls of darkness wrapped around me. I would hold her too, But I don’t really know how to. I attempt to smile; she knows it’s fake but she’s still happy because she knows I’m trying for her.

Once we’re in the school gates, we part ways. Hannah’s in different classes to me. We sometimes see each other at lunch though, if she’s eating with us or just wants to speak. I walk to where I usually go first thing in the morning once I get into school, to visit Lunar. Of course, he’s just smoking outside the school, like he always is. He always misses the first class of the day, every day, I don’t really agree with it but I know it’s his choice and it probably helps in the long run, meaning school does start at 7:35 am. Most people think it’s too early but I don’t really mind it.

I walk up and speak to him, he seems okay. I hope I seem okay, too. I’d hate for anyone to worry about me, I know what it’s like to worry and it’s pretty bad. Especially if you really, really care about the person that you are worrying about. The school bell rings, and I start walking to my Class. I stop. I stop because I see someone, They’re crying. This someone turns out to be Adele. Why would she be crying? I really don’t understand it, but something must have happened as she never cries. Never in public, anyway. I Stroll up to her and ask what’s wrong, she completely shrugs me off. Doesn’t even care that I spent time to speak to her, and see if she was okay.

“For fuck sake just talk to me!” I hear.

It isn’t until Adele stares at me that I realise that I was the one who said it. I didn’t even know I did, and that scares me as I don’t think I wanted to say it. Adele’s always been horrible to me so why should I even care about her? Maybe I should just go get Lunar. He’d know what to do, he’s good around girls. Especially the one he loves.

“Maybe if you shew me you could function in a conversation, I would. Maybe if you shew some concern for me, I would have before. Think about what you say before you fucking say it, cunt.” Adele whimpers at me, in a childlike voice.

“Well, you see Adele, If you shew me that you could be nice to someone who isn’t Lunar then maybe I would speak to you. But for the 7 years that I have known you, the only thing you have ever said is ‘Leave me and Lunar alone for a while, would you, Freak?’ Now, tell me. Does that come off as nasty or nice? “I don’t even listen to her response, I just walk off and shout loud enough for Lunar to hear “Adele’s crying!”. He appears straight away. Luckily, I’m far gone.

I’m late for Class. It feels good though, it’s almost calming. I’m the only person in the corridors. I’m all alone, but I don’t feel lonely. I feel alive. I feel like I’m actually living for once. I love being alone, and this is why. It gives me a sense of freedom, as long as I’m not insanely bored.

We don’t really exist though, do we?

We don’t really matter though, do we?

Every person in the world is as tiny and pathetic as yourself, yet some of them want to live and some of them want to die. The one’s that want to die are the worst and the most selfish.

You

Are

Selfish

#hopeful #Sad #Book #writing #Needopinions #Readthisplease #Depressing #Thoughts

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