#i know art takes practice but i'm also very aware i'm in the 'this sucks' stage

[simplepotatofarmer]

now i'm even more scared to post my art, ngl ;__;

[dinoburger]

hey.

people are dying, but you're giving your cause everything you can. i've seen you work hard to try to help people. you're donating. you're spreading the word. keep going.

keep questioning how you interact with the world and you'll keep gaining richer experiences for it. this is a turning point for many artists, writers, crafters, etc. wherein they realize that fan culture is not giving them what they could be getting by engaging directly with themes and topics and a medium that they personally care about most.

you have to engage with art to get better at art, and fan work can be a great vessel for your thoughts on art. fan work can be fulfilling, but it is also ultimately a sort of self-imposed constraint.

now. you clearly have stories you want to tell about trans men and war and pointless enterprise and they're outgrowing the tf2 framework. they have been for a while. i don't really like tf2, but i *do* like your art and think of you first as an artist who engages with the trans body before someone who partakes in fandom of any kind.

if you decide to take those stories in your own direction, i want to read them and watch them grow. take care.

I have mixed feelings because it's not that I see fan work vs. original work as the dichotomy here, but rather like. A lot of the stuff I do outside of it isn't particularly deep in and of itself but it's still meaningful.

It's funny cuz like, I started getting back into traditional art because I've been painting picket signs. You're not doing that because it's narratively engaging or even to make them beautiful, but to be eye-catching and make a point.

I guess that's mostly what I think about, it's more laterally like, something that can exist without needing to be to that ends.

I don't really think it's a matter of taking the stories I have and restructuring them to add "originality" because that wasn't the point of writing them in the first place, and I'm not going to forcibly take my experiences and try to twist them into a compelling story if they won't fit or shouldn't center me - rather, the work I do doesn't need to be that deep if the context I'm using it for is meaningful already, I don't need to cut myself up for parts.

I want to engage art and culture more in that sense, you know? I think that was part of the joy of making pottery to me when I used to do it, there was always this kind of practicality and physicality that makes it feel significant in ways that aren't simply expressed, regardless of "depth" or branding or anything else.

There is just a kind of funneling that inevitably happens with engagement and social media. I think acting like I'm totally above it isn't honest, it's now 2 AM as I'm writing this response. I don't think of myself as profoundly removed, more the opposite. I think even if you're aware, you sometimes don't realise how bad it is for you until you start peeling away.

There's a kind of sterile singularity to it, every aspect of how art and identity are engaged here. There tends to be a kind of singular authority people take to each other that shapes the landscape here. And there's very much an "I'm not like that" kind of dogma.

Paradoxically it is like, the thing where the more you argue the point, the more it seems like you're trying to establish yourself as the authority of it, and again it's not like none of these things can be meaningful at all, but there's a kind of undeniable tunnel vision you get sucked into.

I don't think anything I've done for the causes I'm interested in are praise worthy, I try to do what I can. But it's still the most valuable thing I could be doing.

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

dear mootie I read your post and I'm sorry you feel that way :'( I don't really care that much what people will think about me for posting soichello but I see where you're coming from and it sucks, it's not right. Fandom should be the place ppl go to have fun not get bullied or bully others. I've also sort of ridiculed the ship (& myself for enjoying it) at times but only jokingly.. like, that's lowkey part of the package for me, and I thought it was the same for other shippers too. I never considered it might've influenced others negatively, and if that's the case I wanted to apologize. I hope this situation gets better for you, honestly i don't see how anyone could be mad at you, deprecation or otherwise.. liking stuff, even niche ass things, is not the problem, the 'climate' on the internet is.

Anyway, just know that if u want I have soichello art and bad memes ready send and I'm down to talk abt those two absolutely whenever ok? Ofc u don't have to answer this but lmk c: (Also sorry I'm like. physically unable to send asks off anon💀 hope you don't hate me💀💀)

Omg hi um. I’m not quite sure how to respond to this, but first of all: thank you. I actually really appreciate this. Like I don’t think I could put into words how much I appreciate this.

I feel like I should say that I do make fun of practically every pairing I ship. It, too, is apart of the package for me like it is for you. I guess the problem with what I tend to do with soichello is kind of like. Clinging onto the irony of it/ridiculing it to the point where I actually feel mean. I’ve never taken anyone else making fun of the pairing to heart (because, taking everything about them in canon into consideration, it is objectively a little ridiculous), but I suppose I’m so aware of the fact that I have the potential to make others feel negatively that I take what I say to heart, and feel so much more horrible (And in the end I kind of attempt to balance the deprecation so that I negatively affect as little people as possible. I know you can’t please everyone but goddamn do I try 😭😭). But anyways I doubt you’ve negatively impacted anybody, reflecting on the post a day later I think this was just me being paranoid tbh.

It’s been super hard for me to unlearn the shame I have surrounding certain interests of mine, but seeing other people enjoy them makes it so much easier.

PLEASE feel free to send me art/memes/anything soichello related literally whenever. I should mention that I am absolutely AWFUL in one on one conversations and am like. Almost physically incapable of initiating conversations myself (this also ties into my fear of being perceived negatively lol). But if it means I get to talk about them I will try so very hard.

(Also don’t worry about the anon thing, I totally get it!! I usually default to anon myself (although it depends on what the ask is/why I’m sending it), and I definitely don’t hate you.)

[larissa-the-scribe]

Terrarium Lights, Part 2.4

Last time on Terrarium Lights: Gail and the ghost get to better know and understand each other. (Next part >>here)

"Living things do seem to liven things up." He paused. "I suppose that is rather obvious, but I mean, like, something about life being nearby seems to somehow contribute a feeling of life…? I'm… not quite sure what I'm trying to say, but… you know?"

Gail chuckled. "Yes. Plants do seem to bring a kind of life with them. So can other people, but that can depend sometimes on who they are. For all that they're living, some people people seem rather… not lively."

"Exactly.” He frowned. “I don't really remember people, but, well, I know I feel more alive around you, I think. At least more aware. I assume the principle is applicable elsewhere, as well."

"Glad to hear it." Gail smiled at him, and pricked her finger. "But yes, I suppose, I like the creation and art that goes into terrariums, and the quiet life that goes with them.” She took a moment to suck on her thumb. “They can be like glimpses into a small little world crafted in moss and stone."

"That does sound nice." He sounded wistful.

"Usually, I wait to make one with Michael," Gail explained, "but I had plenty of time on my hands, and someone who I felt wanted a gift, so I made it my project for while he was gone. He helped, drew out some ideas for me. I'll probably take it to Mrs. Oberson next week, about."

He wandered over to where it sat on the table and poked at it. "Have you ever thought about adding light to it?"

"What do you mean?" She squinted at him over top of her socks.

"Like… a small lightbulb inside it. Like a terrarium and a lamp. And depending on the kinds of rocks, it could add some color and sparkle, to it, or if you had some way to color the glass."

Gail had not, in fact, thought about this. She did so now, setting down her needle. "Well, I suppose that would look pretty if you could get it sorted proper. Though you'd have to reckon with the moss not doing so well with a lot of direct light. I know there are new types of lights they’ve made, fit for indoor plants—my Timothy has told me they’re trying something related to food in winter—but I’m not sure as I’ve seen any around here. Also the plants do need water, and as I understand, electricity and water don't do so well together. Some folks these days know how to reconcile steam and spark, as you can see in the world around us, but I don’t know how easy it would be for a lady of advanced years, such as myself, to figure it out. Perhaps with Michael, but I don’t know as that would happen soon."

"Hmmm. I suppose that’s fair." He leaned over it, practically sticking his face in the terrarium’s opening. "I… I almost feel like I could do something to help with it, but… I’m not quite sure. It…. reminds me of something, though."

"The terrariums or the lights?" Gail asked, returning to her needlework.

"I… I don't know." He straightened up and frowned. "Maybe… it was about working on something. I'm not sure."

"Hmmmm." She carefully slid her needle into its next stitch. "Do you think it was something recent?"

"Maybe… maybe it was. I can’t tell."

"Could it have been part of… whatever you were doing in all those strange place? The ones you can sort of remember?"

He furrowed his brow, picking at the hem of his waistcoat. "I… I'm not sure. I…" He winced, and his eyes looked very pale.

"That's alright, then," she said. Her needle slipped but she didn’t notice. "I'm sure it will come when it's ready. No need to force yourself." This was similar to the other day. He didn't seem as distraught, but, it didn't strike her as good to get riled up. Didn’t seem healthy, disappearing from reality. Perhaps it would be alright in the long run, but, well… he was just a lad, trying to find his way.

"What if it's important?" He looked down at his hands. "I… I want to be able to know who I am. But… it hurts to think about, to look at, but even when I try I can’t see the faintest bit of it, and sometimes I can’t see at all, and—"

"I'd imagine if it is as important as it seems to be, it won't escape you," she replied, focusing on keeping calm and normal for his sake. "Some views of life take more time to shape, and that includes views of yourself—with or without memory loss. Sometimes… sometimes the moss can't settle in right away on a new rock. Roots take time to grow, before they can be strong and take the weather." She wished she could think of something more adequate to say, in a situation she knew nothing about.

His head turned towards her, but his eyes could not find her.

"It will take shape," she said, and it felt like a promise that spoke inside her. "The pieces must be gathered before the whole of it can be formed."

Maybe she was thinking of puzzles, maybe cooking, maybe terrariums, maybe remembering what it was like to be young and uncertain and desperately wanting something that could be understood and held on to, how it felt to yearn and push too fast and too hard when she got glimpses in the distance.

He nodded, vacantly, and stumbled over to where she was. "I just… I want to be able to figure this out. I don't want to just… haunt you forever." He slid slowly down into a sitting position and leaned back against her chair. "I have to live somewhere, right?"

Gail faltered. It was an opening to speak, to tell him that he was haunting her, that he wasn’t alive at all, but… the timing seemed too abrupt, too cruel, too likely to send him over the edge. And what did happen with a ghost that got too upset? Would that make their condition, their regrets and their attachments, worse? Harder to break off? Peace harder to find? She didn't know. "You will have all the time you need," she said quietly. "Sometimes it doesn't seem that way, but… the things that matter, they take time, and Time allows them to. I know it is frustrating, but rushing things can make things hurt more than they need to. When the pieces are gathered, we will be put together. We have an Artist looking out for us."

His shoulders sank with the force of his sigh. She could feel the static warmth and memory of form clinging to her skirts, making them move as if they had gained a life of their own and decided to dance solemnly.

"I… I suppose I can wait, and try to remember more. Maybe my friend… maybe he can find me and tell me what happened."

"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Somehow, the mechanical movements of her hands had produced decent results as far as darning went. She found her thread running out. "Maybe he will. Seeing as there's a chance you might be from around here."

"I hope he will."

His voice was very young, in a lost kind of way.

Gail wished she could hug him. Instead, she continued with her needlework.

He didn't say a word for the rest of the evening.

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[wannabegwenstacy]

Bangtan in Bed: Kim Namjoon | NSFW

Kim Namjoon: The Dom Daddy 😈 - HAPPY JOONIE DAY!! 210912

Rating: 18+

Contains: Daddy/Baby Kink Dynamic, Dirty Talk, BDSM, Bondage, Orgasm control, Sensory play, Dom/Sub Dynamic, Marking, Impact play, Lingerie, Stripteases, Anal, Cum play, Cream pies, Oral Fixation (kissing)

A/N: I ended up accidentally switching from third person (them/they) to second person (you) halfway through. i'm sorry about that, i wrote this in two different sittings and i forgot i was originally writing in third person.

Series Masterlist

⇣Below cut⇣

Daddy kink!

We have all sensed it. Man's got a daddy kink! So, let me kindly introduce you to Daddy Dom Kim Namjoon.

If his never-ending flow of "Baby's" while in front of a camera didn't hint at his interest in pet names as a kink, especially the "Daddy" and "BabyGirl/BabyBoy/Baby" dynamic, then IDK what will.

Like mans got an IQ of 148, he knows by now that we are practically dripping at his little "baby" coos!...He does it for a reason

Which also makes a good case for his love of dirty talk!

He picks up languages pretty well and he has said himself that he wanted to be a poet once upon a time. He is an amazing lyricist.

He is good with his words, and he knows it! He also has that deep sexy voice of his that I'm also pretty sure he's quite aware of by now so a chance to make his partner melt with those very same words of his. he isn't going to think twice about using them.

Joon is kinky, but he is like Jin. He isn't really one to parade around his gifts in the bedroom. He would rather keep those times sacred.

I see Joon having an interest in the BDSM scene. Collars, Restraints, Blindfolds, Rope, Lingerie, Stockings, Fishnets.

With him also dabbling in the BDSM arts it's not a surprise that Joon seems like the type to need a strong level of trust. He needs to trust his partner and for his partner to trust him.

So, I don't see Joon really doing one-night stands. Casual maybe. But not quick hookups.

Lingerie! He loves a good strip show and lap dance.

Seeing his partner being the one to take control over him every once in and while was thrilling to him.

Them dressed in pretty little lace lingerie with stockings and a collar that had diamond letters spelling out their given pet name he assigned to them.

Him seated but not restrained, told not to move, for daddy to be good for his precious baby.

Them bending forward, pressing one hand to the back of the chair, and the other gripping the chair between his legs being careful to not touch him only getting close.

They would lean in getting only an inch from his face, eyes flicking from up and down looking from his lips to his eyes before leaning in even closer hovering over those very same lips teasing a kiss then leaning back watching as he chases after them pleating.

They would stand up hitching their leg up to rest on his thigh in a pointed fashion before slowing leaning down and unbuttoning the clasps, giving him an innocent look, then hooking their thumbs in the thigh-high pastel hose before rolling them down and pulling them off.

Standing up and wrapping the hose around both their hands like a strand of rope circling him watching as he shifts in his chair being the one told to behave this time around.

They would circle his chair once then almost twice before settling behind him leaning down close to his ear pressing one single kiss under his ear before lightly running their teeth across the cartridge nibbling then running their tongue across sucking at the length of his ear sweetly. Followed by blowing cold air eliciting a shiver from him.

They would then use the hose to tie back his hands making sure he can't touch them now even if he wanted to.

Only dishing out the same treatment he has given to on so many occasions

Fair is fair after all.

A tease for a tease.

A denied finish for a denied finish.

A bite for a bite.

A hickie for a hickie.

In reason obviously, you don't want to make the job too difficult for the stylist noonas.

But if you were really playing fair he would cover, under every piece of concealed flesh hidden under his clothing would be adorned in marks just like he has done many times before to you.

Joon tends to have a possessive streak in the bedroom, you are his baby.

But with that possessiveness comes the need for secrecy and devotion to the other, so he tends to hide his markings he leaves from other eyes. He's careful.

Methodical with his placements.

Under the waistband of your jeans, on you inner inner thighs during winter, little bruises left behind from his hands, and little crevice indents from his nails breaking the skin.

Hand prints left, sore swollen bruised skin. A reminder every time you sit down.

He loves to watch you squirm the following days after a particular heated night. It's cute.

Speaking of spankings. He loves giving them.

Having his baby bent over ass up bare whimpering under him.

He adores all form of impact play but his favorite is just using his hand. Feeling his baby red and flush.

Plus he gets to kneed at your pretty pink peach after wards so it's a win win in his mind.

"Oppa hit me harder, i like it" (Joon's verse in ProMeTheUs)

He's an Ass man through and through!

Everything involving your ass.

Watching it giggle when he's giving you backshots.

Cumming on your ass

In your ass (w/ condom).

Oh, he loves anal! Fingering you or even using toys. But his favorite obviously is fucking your pretty pink hole.

Sometimes he'll get daring and fuck you raw.

Cumming in your ass then pulling out to just watch it slowly leak out, running down your thighs, and pulling in the mattress. And if he's lucky, pooling with your own.

Fuck! He really can't get enough of that perky little ass.

Its a shame he can't always treat himself with you all the time. He loses himself to easily, just spiraling into a mess of grunts, growls, and groans.

When fucking you like that he doesn't sadly get to indulge into his other guilty pleasures that involve you and that beautiful body of yours.

Instead, of himself shaking and losing himself he changes his focus on to you.

Whining for your own release, begging for him to fuck you, to push you till you can't take no more.

Squirming. Hands and legs tied away. Out of use. Spread and open for him.

Only letting you cum when he knows you are at your worst then letting that growing tension snap plunging you into your release.

Occasionally he will add some ear muffs, blind folds, and/or a cherry flavored lollypop to the mix. Dialing your senses to 10.

Telling you to suck on the lolly until it's gone or blow a bubble with some bubble gum.

He would kiss you after, tasting just how sweet you can be.

Which I think this is a good time for me to mention Joon has an oral fixation for your lips. He loves kissing you.

Foreplay and aftercare are never skipped and always littered with kisses.

Soft pecks to lingering kisses & lip bites. Leaving your lips and red and swollen as your cheeks.

NEXT UPDATE: Seokjin! - 210919

[cyberr4t]

RAW THOUGHTS and other trauma ramblings

This week i faced so many fears of mine in such a mature way... idk things are much much better than i thought it could ever be.

This is gonna be a very confusing monologue so be my guest

I was raised on fear (and silence), so dealing with problems that looked so. impassable. bigger than me. stronger than me. more complex than i could measure... and i blame trauma for putting me into this child-position of feeling socially uncapable (uncapable of falling in love, of being respected, of speaking up for others, of taking care of myself, of asking favors to others...) ... dealing with those problems + trauma related things with self-respect and with empathy enough for the others involved is a true victory to me. Facing the fact that yes, i can talk and, no, i won't be silenced. The fact that some people really mind my opinion. The fact that i do make an impact on other people's lives and that my imposter syndrome child-trauma related is still here but no more partakes on the way i see myself, literally fullfills me with some kind of new energy and openness that once felt untangible. But now it's here. I am, this is the thing; i am, day by day, becoming more fragile, seemingly wise, and less true rage denial-ish.

I was lucky i was born with an unnatural awareness to my surroundings. I'm glad some people recognize it.

I'm glad some people recognize i do know how to talk, to write and to express myself, i put so much effort into being who i am through speech and writing and making art and literally all i seek is recognition: not that to prove that i do good art, that im someone very pleasing to talk to, but that i feel, through variant ways, that people can see me, see what i want to say, see that i communicate from my soul cause i hardly had space for it my entire life.

Still, speaking up is an insecurity of mine, so i'm used to apologize for talking too much. I'm trying to be more efficient in communication so that i don't feel the need to apologize for making someone hear my soul. I'm glad people have been recognizing my efforts.

I need to keep on learning how to face my fears, just realised that it's an exercise i gotta practice from now on.

The quiet is very important, cause our darkest thoughts can rise and be. Moreover, it is important for our neutral-awareness rest, and other types of awareness get into action, so the quiet (also known as the dark) has its own importance. I cherish quiet moments as if i'm watering flowers, or adding a little detail on a painting or a ceramic.

Distance is very important as well. Avoiding the scientific ways of distancing yourself from your object of study, i do believe that taking time for settling things for yourself and then heading back to social activities is crucial. Distance is also known as the "vibe check". What's going on? What u up to? These are distance-type questions. If quiet is a synonym for nurturing, distance is for rooting. Going deep into the basis (the basics) because there isn't much palpable things left – about who you were, of someone, of a feeling, a concept... – is extremely vital so that you don't forget your indentity, where you come from, and what you came here for.

And love may surround these definitions i hold myself tight onto, but i don't think people expect this point of view about what far and quiet means to me. I cherish it. I don't feel the need to write endless essays on >love< cause its a word i'd like to throw away. It's a dead concept to me, yes i do feel love, but in such a broken, undepicted, unavoidably sparkly but still underground and quirky way that i simply refuse to name it as love, pure love.

But i do, finally can tell that yes, i finally, finally feel love. For most of things. In my own beautifully deep honest raw way to feel/express/escape/drink/smoke/suck/eat/kill/pursue/nurture/sing/say/spill/vomit it.

15/07/22

[angelvibezluv]

Astro Observations 6💜

Whew this was very long but hope you enjoy it and actually read it. These are just my experiences,observations and what I've learned about the signs recently/ already knew.

🌌I'v noticed opposite rising signs have a very strong attraction. Those are usually the relationships that have a mutual give and take, you do this I do that. The two will obviously see life from a different point of view but they will still have respect for one another. It's a very beneficial relationship.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

But sometimes the two can end up seeing things too differently depending on other aspects and cause major disagreements.

🌌For example a Cancer rising and a Capricorn rising. The Capricorn rising has the ability to bring stability and practicality into the Cancer risings life. The Cancer rising has the ability to bring out the creative and emotional side of the Capricorn rising. They both can help eachother with the things they struggle with.

🌌Cancers actually enjoy going through emotional experiences. It's almost fun to them. Since Jupiter is exalted in Cancer and Jupiter rules experiences it would make sense as to why they enjoy "emotional" "experiences". They enjoy learning from those experiences and most likely cherish them.

🌌Capricorn moons are business women point blank.😐

🌌But for real capricorn moons like to spend there time developing and improving whatever they're working on. To the point where they sometimes might neglect their family and friends because they can become so focused on it.

🌌Capricorn moons also go through the most trial and tribulations in life. It's the hard knock life for REALZ. Annie was probably a cap moon. Sabrina from Chilling Adventures of Sabrina was probably a cap moon too. At a young age they're usually told not to cry or to suck it up or they're being too emotional. Now that I think about it, they end up becoming a parent figure to their friends and sometimes even people older than them because their level of maturity is so high regardless of the sun sign.

🌌Pisces moons DO know they can be too nice and easily manipulated at times. They're completely aware trust me. They just cant help themselves they really care alot for people but can be blinded in the moment to the point where they let people use them. They appreciate when others know that aswell and dont use that against them. They'll love you forever for that.💜

🌌You know your talking to an Aqaurius👽 moon when they stare into nothing, or dont even seem like they're engaged in the conversation. It's like they're not there.. somewhere else in their mind. They also say random shit all the time, like out of pocket shit :/ just to see how everyone reacts.

🌌Libra placements talks a lot, like a lot. The letter a and lot. Alot. But I enjoy it, you guys can keep a conversation going for ages with literally one topic.

🌌Not sure if I'v done this one already or not but Pisces really do escape one way or another from this reality, and it's not necessarily a bad thing because they can use art and music to create their own world. The adults/young adults 9 times out of 10 smoke weed, or have their secret stash.

🌌Pisces Mars usually have some kind of artistic skill or creative outlet. It helps them to release the tension they hold in all the time. It's good for us 💜.

🌌Cancers can be VERY aggressive. The scariest people that went to my school were Cancers, mostly the girls. Idk what it is about them. I think they have this mentality of I have to protect myself I cant be seen as weak and soft. You dont want to fight or argue with these people they might kill you🥴 no.. seriously 😐

🌌But then noticed that they always wonder why people think they're so mean because they know they're super sweet it's just the way they come off.. kind of defensive and aggressive.

Same goes for Capricorn Risings and 8th house stelliums. Maybe even pluto in first.

🌌Scorpio risings = intensified eye contact and never ending do you really know me game.

🌌I'm sorry but Scorpios swear they're the baddest and hardest mfs ever.... sorry to break it to ya Scorpio your not your actually the so sweet just hug me back damn😭

🌌Ok but for real Scorpios will pretend they dont care but deep deep down I you know you do Scorpio I can see it. They're just slowly plotting against you, waiting for your downfall, waiting for you to make a mistake so they can laugh. I imagine the typical villain laugh or the hysterical "Haha stupid bitch" or the "why would I be mad :)". The embodiment of Karma. This is for suns not too sure about moons, I dont really know many but let me know scorpio moons if this how you feel too.

This was not scorpio slander. I absolutely love scorpios. Please dont hurt me scorpios. I am just a virgo with glasses.

[mayakern]

hi maya! i've been following you for years and you've been a big inspiration to me! i'm moving back to my home state in 9 months and when that happens i want to be a full time artist. i've started emailing art directors and opened up commissions, but generally i can't get people to engage with my work. i'm coming to you because i've seen you try so many things throughout the years. if you have any insight, or if i need a reality check, it would be greatly appreciated! thanks for reading!

i don’t know you and i don’t know your situation so i can’t give you any specific advice, so i’ll try and just type out some general “i wanna do art online” tips:

1. make your art easy to find. whether that’s a separate art blog or a prominently displayed art tag, just make sure people can find it within 1-2 clicks!

2. keep practicing, keep doing things you enjoy, keep posting. online following is a snowball. it goes painfully slowly for ages and ages and ages. once it starts to pick up, the rate tends to increase exponentially. there’s also a lot of luck involved. it’s hard to predict what will or won’t resonate with people, so just try to make sure that you genuinely enjoy whatever you make.

3. if you approach working professionals/people you admire for help, demonstrate off the bat that you are familiar with them/their work and keep your email/message brief and be polite. well known/popular artists get a lot of cold emails/messages from all sorts of people, and most frequently from people who just see a follower count or a popular post or something and cold email them without any care or specificity to them as a creator. these sorts of emails usually get dismissed out of hand. 

if you are looking to someone for help, be sure there is something specific about them that resonates with you that’s more than just “i see you are popular or successful and i also want that.” no one really likes getting those emails/messages because it feels like they could go to anyone as long as they had a high enough follower count or worked at X company. instead, look at their work or accomplishments and go “this aspect of this person’s work speaks to me, they work this job that interests me, i want to learn, etc.”

AND AGAIN: KEEP IT BRIEF. it’s really tempting to want to perfectly explain yourself/your situation, but you are a stranger and most people working in art are pretty busy, and you are not the only person sending them this kind of inquiry.

for art director stuff specifically, i recommend reading through @dearartdirector. i’m not an art director so i can’t help with that.

4. remember that online following/popularity and success are NOT the same things. i know plenty of popular artists who struggle financially, who can’t break into the industry. i know tons of working professionals who have very small online followings. i know in this hyper connected world, it is very easy to conflate those two things. DON’T DO THAT.

5. similarly, it is very easy to compare yourself to other people and to feel inadequate because others seem to have an easier time of it. this is a horrible illogical thing your brain does to spite you, don’t listen to it. you don’t know other people or their stories. you don’t know their struggles. lots of people work very hard and experience hardships that you will never be aware of, but it will seem externally like they have an easy time of it. it’s the old duck in the pond thing -- above the water they look serene and easy, underwater their flippers are going crazy to churn water.

6. it is okay to fail. everyone fails. it is not shameful or a waste of your time. it is just part of being alive and trying to do something you love.

7. similar to 6 -- be careful with your notions of what failure even means. it’s ok to not work in art, it’s ok to work part time, it’s ok to do whatever you need to do (that doesn’t hurt others) in order to find your way to a happy and sustainable life. similarly, being able to make money off your art is not necessarily a question of skill. there are... a lot of factors. you should not tie your worth to money in general, but you especially should not tie your value to your ability to monetize your art.

8. this is going to be an unpopular one... do not let your passion or desperation control you. sometimes the healthier thing is to not pursue something you love. i had to give up comics after years of making them because even though i loved them, they were terrible for my mental and physical health. it’s ok to love something and let it go and it’s ok to let your goals change. it is not worth ruining your health just for the privilege of making things. 

there are a lot of exploitative companies that will try to leverage this to make you take work for terrible pay and no rights. those jobs are never worth it. it is almost always better to do a non-art job and pour that time and love and passion into a project you care about, rather than being someone else’s cheap labor.

9. make friends who are around your age and skill level. i know it’s tempting to want to reach out to artists you admire and try to befriend them -- but it is not comfortable on the other end. usually those artists will be significantly older than you and in a different place in their lives and from their perspective, you are a stranger who is only interested in them because they make a thing you like. it’s a very awkward situation to navigate because you are not treating that creator as an individual, but rather as the conduit for Content You Like.

it is important to find peers to learn and grow with. real, genuine friendship will do so much for you as a person and an artist.

also -- older creators who are very receptive to young, untried artists and who easily let them into their space on the pretense of friendship or mentorship... i won’t say this is always a bad thing, but it can be indicative of bad intentions. there is an inherent power imbalance in that sort of relationship and there are people who will exploit that. this is a painfully common practice

this is a sour note to end this on, but it is a very important one. recently we have seen many industry pros in comics, games, and animation get ousted for exactly that sort of behavior. it sucks that it is a thing we need to look out for -- but it is.

[la-bruja-de-la-literatura]

Confessions of a Budget Witch

Originally posted by me, in the "Witches & Pagans" Amino.

Let's get this out of the way right now: Being a witch on a tight budget sucks.

Being on a tight budget in general sucks, but this entry is focusing on witches on budgets, and the shadowy, consumerist side of witchcraft and paganism circles. So hold on to your brooms, brujxs, this is going to be a log post.

The Aesthetic/ Instagram Witch

Before anybody throws stones, I have an Instagram account (with this same name). I'm not against the witch aesthetic.

In fact, I think it's great that so many people are passionate enough about art to create these wonderful images. I adore those photos with rose quartz crystal balls and points next to delicate himalayan salt lamps and towering pastel pink candles, and the magnificent bundles of dried roses and lavendar.

Would I want all of those? Goddess, no. Cleaning up all the pouring wax alone would drive me insane, and thinking of all the vacuuming involved with all the dried herbs littering the floor makes me want to take a nap.

And yet, when I close my eyes, I think of some of those images of tall candles littering an altar, of a big crystal ball and tall crystal points. I think of creating big, elaborate crystal grids. I think of a nice stone mortal and pestle I've been wanting to buy for years.

Reality, however, has to hit sometime, and for me it's always when I check my bank account and remember that I barely pay rent with my current salary on most months. I constantly need help with groceries, medical and cellphone expenses. It's gotten better, but I still am not completely financially independent.

That said, I'm fortunate enough to still have some money to buy the things I enjoy, mostly crystals, candles and readings these days. I desperately want to support other witches/spiritual healers, so I carefully look over my finances and put aside some cash for them.

Does this mean I am any less frustrated? No.

In fact, a lot of my anger bubbles up when I read a new spell or witch book with a list of ingredients, always with the note saying like "you can always substitute ingredients, but it won't have the same effect". Which begs the question of why I bother looking up spells in the first place when I usually only have kitchen herbs and my 10-15 crystals (which is quite a lot of pretty rocks as it is). I feel like all these resources ask for the few things I do not have.

Now, I won't say that all sources are like this.

Websites and YouTube channels on minimalistic witchcraft are mostly free, and books like "Light Magic for Dark Times" by Lisa Marie Basille and "Holistic Energy Magic" by Tess Whitehurst, for example, have little to no need to buy a list if ingredients. However, these tend to be the minority in the witchcraft community.

Is that the budget witches fault? Absolutely not. We all have bills to pay and real-world responsibilities. The fact that we still fit this stuff into our lives just shows how much the Craft means to us. Which beings me to my next point...

Finding Affordable and Functional Tools

Western Witchcraft tends to rely heavily on materials and tools to gain results. While many witches guarentee that you "only need yourself" to do magick, the reality is that magick without tools is incredibly difficult and almost impossible for baby witches.

The good news is that stores (in the US, at least) like Five Below and Dollar General are selling some basic stuff like candles, essential oils, crystals and incense at low prices. That said, aside from the candles, glass jars, wooden boxes and incense holders, many of those tools are low-quality. Most of the essential oils I've found at these stores, for example, are perfumed and not real plant-based oils. Tarot decks from places like Wish are usually cheap bootleg imitations that are also low-quality (and also don't support the creators). Another disadvantage is that we aren't supporting the metaphysical community when you buy from these places, which is something I find frustrating. Lastly, I've also noticed that cheap crystals are not not mined ethically, and that is another thing that I personally try to avoid buying cheap if I can.

Now, some common stores, such as pharmacies and grocery stores, are still quite useful to the budget witch. Pharmacies tend to have plant-based and cruelty-free essential oils and diffusers for good prices. Just make sure to research what can harm pets if you have them. Tea tree oil is very toxic to dogs, for example, but lavendar is not. However, lavendar is harmful to cats. Make sure to know what you're using if your pets are around you. Grocery stores are also great places to get cheap dried herbs.

Law of Attraction and The Root Chakra

If you've been reading my post, you'll have noticed that I do not like the Law of Attraction. So we are all clear, I am not against having goals, or following your dreams or passions. I am against the way this system makes the practitioner feel responsible for factors out of their control. (There is a Tumblr post that also explains how the ideology of LOA falls withing the B.I.T.E. model, which is used to identify cult ideology. I'll link it here soon).

I have also become incredibly wary of using chakras, as the popularized system that most witches use today were made-up by a white author.

What bothers me more than any of the aforementioned things is when other practitioners state that those of us in a difficult financial situation are either not working with our root chakras (which focuses on finantial stability, and livliehood) or just aren't using the Law of Attraction well enough. Blaming these kinds of difficulties on budget witches is not only shameful, but it's also usually a marketing tactic used by certain folks to make those of us desperate for money to want to buy their services to "learn how to get rich" or at least financially stable enough to thrive.

If you are interested in using the Western chakras, there are cost-effective ways to work on them, such as using meditation. Again, YouTube is a rich resource for hundreds of free and effective guided meditations on anything from chakras to spirit guides.

Also, let's not forget our good old friend, Practicality. When you get an infection, for example, your priority should the doctor/medical professional first before witchcraft, unless you have a herbal specialist that can create a safe and effective holistic medication (and this person should be, again, a professional). In the same vein, if your are going through a financial rough spot, buying a bunch of root chakra candles or crystals in the hope that your situation will improve is contradictory to what you need to do: save that money. Maybe get one or two inespensive things if you can. If not, use the free resources on hand.

Don't Allow This to Discourage You

As much as many of us claim not to need tools (and I applaud you if you manage with so little, willingly or not), the truth is that most of us like to have things on hand, and I am no exception. Books, candles, crystals, decks and herbs are what I spend my money on. I am aware that there is a materialistic aspect to the way I choose to work. I even have a cauldron and a professionally made wand, despite not being Wiccan and using both for only special occasions. Heck, right now the cauldron is just housing a bled of herbs to cleanse anything I put in it.

That's my choice. I save for some months and then buy little by little. But there are other ways to be an effective budget witch and thrive.

For example, many witches on this site have pointed out that you can make your own tools, such as wands or altar decorations, out of sticks and rocks. Some folks prefer finding their own tools. Just be careful not to pick up anything poisonous, or disturb the nest of any animals that may be around. Also, do NOT eat anything off the ground unless you are 100% sure what it is and that it has been grown in clean soil. Go to the supermarket for edible herbs if you can't find a local market or herb shop. A quick online search will help with that, and you'll be acquainted with your environment.

Tea is also another wonderful resource for the budget witch. It is easy to find, usually under $5 a box (in the USA) and good for you. Again, it's still wise to be careful when trying new herbs, but I find most tea companies will stick to fruits amd common herbs like chamomile and peppermint, to name a few. Honey pairs well with tea, great for magick, and also very accessible. You can also open tea bags for a spell, or invest in loose herb mixes and a strainer. Try buying a teapot if possible. If not, boil your water in a pot over the stove, microwaved tea isn't as good. Trust me.

Tips & Tricks

🖤Crystals are just as effective if they are small or pocket-sized, and usually a lot cheaper that way. There is the bonus perk of being able to carry them with you on the go in your bag or pockets.

🖤Use non-magickal sources as well a magickal ones to identify herbs and crystals so you can be sure they won't harm you. Crystals can also be toxic.

🖤Some people (myself included) believe normal rocks to be just as powerful as crystals. You can even try painting them the color you want to manifest, or you can put sigils on them.

🖤There are free digital tarot apps that are great for readings and having a deck with you wherever you go. The Labyrinthos and Kawaii Tarot apps are the ones I currently use.

🖤Plastic flowers and fruit can be cost-effective decor for your altar, and maybe even an offering or representation of your deity(ies) if you have any.

🖤Epsom salts are relatively cheap, and adding your own essential oils to them in a tub or foot bath is a great spa day remedy and good for metaphysical and physical cleansing. Just make sure they are real essential oils, and look up the correct dosage.

🖤White vinegar is also affordable, and efficient glass, counter-top and carpet cleaner. It also has protective properties along with salt, and it's great for cleaning your altar, if you can stand the smell.

Some Resources:

My Go-To Etsy Stores for Ethical and Affordable Crystal Buying: (I am not a sponsor for these stores, nor am I being paid to advertise them).

The Spiritnectar

Moonrise Crystal

Ethically-Sourced & Affordable Crystals. My order came with a tea bag as well!

Crystal LionGems

Budget Witch Videos:

The Witch of Wonderlust on Low-Budget Witchcraft

Magickians Budget Witch Guide

Cheap Places to Get Books that Aren't Amazon:

Thriftbooks

BookOutlet

Or rent books at your local library! You can also make requests if they don't have what you're looking for.

That's all for now, brujxs. Please tell me your thoughts, and how you handle being a budget witch. Stay safe, witchy and freaky. 💜

[clairelutra]

Hi. I hope you're well. I'm really struggling with writing, mainly the drive and motivation to do so. I just feel it's never good enough, that it's too lacklustre, too fast, too sloppy. I'm comparing my works so much to the extent I feel I should give up writing altogether. I was wondering if you perhaps had any advice surrounding this?

there are a few things i could say! most of it boils down to the same thing.

1. it’s okay if it sucks. just post it.

proving to yourself that it’s not so bad to suck helps like you wouldn’t believe, and it’s advice that i wish i knew how to take more often myself lol

2. if you’re comparing already, try deconstructing what you’re comparing your works to.

is it really so much better? why is it better? does the dialogue flow smoother? how does it do that? (mimicking how real conversations flow helps with that one) does the prose flow smoother? (it’s probably down to varying sentence structure and length) does it give you Emotions you just can’t place? (it was probably built up well, with the characters feeling emotions themselves and having very good, relatable reasons for feeling those emotions)

is it more descriptive? how so? pithier? how do the joke rhythms work? does it feel weightier/more satisfyingly wordy or lighter and more fluid? what is the work choosing to use its words on?

you don’t even necessarily have to know how to incorporate what you think is missing yet; just being aware that it’s there means that you’ll be looking for it, and looking for it means seeing openings for change much more often than if you weren’t looking.

3. again... it’s okay if it sucks. suck gratuitously, and then suck some more. go on ffn and read bby’s first fic written in 2006, know you’ll never suck that much and yet the fic was still enjoyable because someone enjoyed writing it.

4. let things sit before you go to edit them, then fix the things that read weird, then post it. maybe it sucks or maybe it doesn’t, but there’s no penalty either way.

5. keep a posting schedule. this will force you to suck on a regular basis, and after, say, 30-50k, you’ll realize you’ve gotten radically better. i’m not sure how this works exactly, but it’s worked for me time and time and time again.

maybe you start picking up and using things you never let yourself try out before?? i know i started munching through every idea in my head and then getting good practice at spinning ideas out of nothing.

6. on the other end of the scale, if it’s stressing you out to the point where it’s no longer rewarding, take a hiatus. i’m talking months, maybe a year plus here. it should feel good more than it feels bad. if it doesn’t, something needs to change, whether that’s your investment or your involvement or just the way you approach it.

...honestly this is a lot of cheerful nihilism, re: sucking, but like... it works. switching between critical reading and “if there are words, it’s good enough” is how you improve.

and quitting is also a completely legitimate choice if nothing is helping. there are plenty of other hobbies out there that are much less aggravating to engage in. i’m alternating between nail art and cooking, myself. much less likely to make you want to throw something or cry, ime. there’s a hell of a lot of pressure that a lot of (if not most) people associate with writing, i think, and that’s not,,, healthy.

there’s the two cakes principal, and there’s having two cakes in your kitchen, and both are excellent approaches to life, i’m just saying.

[ghoststar-au]

Blogs I Admire

In no Particular Order

Warning: This is literally just me showering praises over all of these artists and having fan panic attacks. I love of these creators with all of my fragile little heart.

As the title says, this list has no particular order. If you asked me to try, I'd curl up in horror.

----

1. @badgerclaw-of-shadowclan

I'm going to be honest- I came for the awesome gore pic of Swiftpaw's death. It was so detailed and realistic, I keep grinning when I see it. That was a gore standard I aspire to meet. When you get agitated messages from people not apart of the warriors fandom in the notes despite tagging it, you know you did good.

On that note, I'm also very sheepishly thankful for them pointing out that cats are rectangles. That'll probably help me in the long run. Style will be something interesting ro develop and I definitely want them to be an art parent.

2. @climbdraws

Aaah! The acurracy! The fantasy! I think I've bumped into their YouTube account? I'm not certain but if they're the same account I'm thinking of, I'm gonna cry. I love anatomy and the expressions. It's that semi-realism that I'm aiming for with my work.

3. @am-i-too-old-for-warriors-yet

...

Just look at that anatomy. And all of the improvement. That's some inspiring crap right there. And it's not just with cats either because they do dogs and asdhklfk. Okay, okay. I'm calm now.

...no I'm not. Ahshfhfksojeijejldf

4. @eviadriart

Not much for me to say here other than the backgrounds. And i say there's not much for me to say because it goes like this:

Them: *posts picture*

Me (happy): *sobs*

5. @trunswicked

Look. I am a simple cat artist. I don't understand other species' anatomy. So when I see stuff like this, I lose my freaking mind.

Reptiles are not my strong suit (and as an httyd fan, that hurts to admit) and dragons are next to impossible for me sometimes. It's a lot of practice I need to do and I'm aware of it.

So while I came for the awesome cats, I stayed for the AWESOME dragons gah! I need to get on that level.

6. @songsteps-designs/@songsteps

Everything they make is so frickin fluffy and soft looking. The cats are fluffy slinkies that fight like they're dangerous. Their Jayfeather design is amazing and this is a hill I will die on okay?

7. @annoyinghorse

Look. I have a confession to make. I was and probably always will be a Saddle Club gal okay? Horses are terrifying amazing creatures that deserved fear respect from everyone. I love horses but their

Anatomy. Freaking. Sucks.

I praise anyone who can draw horses properly ans especially different kinds of horses. I'm always so happy to see their work cross my dash and they took the Horse!AU idea and ran with it and I-

There is literally one other blog I saw with this but I saw annoying horse first and I will always associate it with them.

8. @clockbirds

...shut up. I'm not crying over art, you're crying over art. Just because they have awesome backgrounds, amazing textures, gorgeous dynamics, faint worthy fantasy creatures-

*sobbing intensifies*

----

@kaisertiger

Okay so this one is a little personal. When I first startes drawing warrior cats, I came across their DeviantArt. I fell absolutely in love with this style and everything about it. This is exactly where I wanted to take my skills and abilities for so long. I loved the art they did for all their rp's ams stuffs. It's a literal goal in life to reach a point where I can look at their art and then at mine and smile concluding I finally got to that starting line.

And I mean it. I've always considered them the starting line. The line where all the well esteemed and fantastic artists branched. That is the level I desire to meet. When I draw my battle cats, this is what I want to achieve and everytime I see their work I'm reminded of it.

This got really long but yeah, they're an art hero of mine. Appreciate them.

---

More to come and this list will probably end up extensive so yeah.

[theangrypokemaniac]

Sinnoh has massive flaws as an era, although it's starting to feel like the good old days compared to the present piss-poor offerings.

The major drawback is the amount of 'recurring characters', ones not good enough to be in it fully, but inflicted upon us nevertheless.

I did care about Ash. I did care about Team Rocket.

I was prepared to care about The Misty Replacement, as in the girl shipped with Ash.

I was prepared to care about The Brock Replacement, that is the older brother figure who does all the cooking, carries the medicine, and knows about Pokémon.

I don't give a toss about extras who outstay their welcome.

Hoenn only had Drew and Harley. What was wrong with that?

There are just too bloody many.

Why does Dawn require so many opponents, as if she's of the greatest importance? Why won't Jessie suffice?

I accept the necessity of Paul as The Rival, and we were at least permitted to resent him initially, before the writers fanboy'd like there was no tomorrow.

I admit I liked two of them. They therefore featured the least.

Typical.

Nando

The Blondel of Iberia

A softly-spoken, raven-locked troubadour, roaming the many pathways of life, playing his songs for those weary travellers he encounters on the road.

He's wearing a cloak! The finest use of material to ever be invented!

All this ethereal grace considering the dub lumbered him with the most appallingly unsuitable name possible.

It could've been Raphael, or Dante, or Leonardo.

Oh no, let's name him after a restaurant chain. That adds gravitas.

His lyre pays tribute to Mew, because Nando knows she's The Rarest Of All Pokémon, thus refuses to be impressed by any deformed horse like Arceus throwing its weight around.

Damn straight.

Ursula

A pretty girl with lovely clothes and the spark of a proper personality.

You're not wanted round these parts, love.

I have no particular animosity towards Dawn, but it irritates me how the world revolves around her whims, where if she's lost in the woods, it's a major disaster, and if an attack heads in her direction, she must be protected in case she shatters.

It makes a refreshing change to find someone firmly inoculated against the lures of the temptress.

Also, alongside Ursula from Dinosaur King (the real Jessie), I'm glad of any attempt to reclaim that name, considering most of my generation, upon hearing it, think only about evil old octopus women.

As for the rest?

It's that bad I prefer the Unova bunch to these.

Reggie

Reggie is even more of a knob than Paul. As above, being Ash's enemy meant that, if only by narrative, he was intended to be somewhat disliked.

Not Reginald. No, he's the kind one.

Oh really?

When Ash and Paul have their showdown, Reg starts wittering that it's just as well Chimchar took up with Ash, since he wasn't suited to Paul's 'battle style'.

Battle style.

Is the what he calls mental and physical cruelty?

In Reg's amoral cesspit of a mind, there is no right and wrong, so do whatever you feel.

Reggie is quite aware of how his brother tortures Pokémon, and not only is he unconcerned, he excuses it with euphemism, hoping the audience will obligingly forget too.

What's more, he implies it's Chimchar's fault for not pulling his weight, and Paul abandoning him was the compassionate thing to do.

Cynthia

Suffering severe Bridge Nose Syndrome.

She may be Champion, but I don't remember Lance turning up all the time where he wasn't wanted.

She doesn't even use her influence properly. Rather than give it straight to Paul, order him to shape up and stop spanking the monkey, she fannies about with her cod mysticism, emptily preaching about how Ash and Paul are spiritually linked, with magical, beeyewteefull events taking form just because they met.

That's right, don't bother about Paul clearly being a psychopath, for 'tis ART!

It's the same as trying to convince me that Ash, Dawn and Brock were the Divine Trio because they all saw Something Nasty In The Lake District, as if they have an intrinsic bond foretold in ancient prophecy.

The writers pull this knowing two thirds of the Holy Trinity, plus Paul the Fallen Angel, will be leaving, at which point we'll be expected to stop being overawed at the great majesty they all apparently possess and transfer allegiance to their usurpers.

What's the point?

Angie

Yet another smackhead from that lunatic stare.

What shining genius decided giving all the characters contracted pupils was a good idea?

She looks like one of those kids whose parents dealt with nits the traditional way:

Shaving the entire head and painting it purple.

A barnet resembling privet hacked at by a paralytic gardener before he conked out.

I've seen her arc three or four times, and I still remember nothing about her, except for the amazing skill she possesses to make Ash sneeze on command from a distance.

Conway

One word: nonce.

A clichéd weirdo fitting into Pokémon's Four-Eyed Freaks fixation, where anyone with a slight visual impairment is a weedy, know-it-all bastard or on a register.

Oh yes, and this lad comes with hidden delights, because his glasses gleam like a giant cockroach, just in case he wasn't creepy enough.

Zoey

The human black hole. Has the incredible ability to suck all the joy out of a room just by appearing. A personage of absolute lead.

Too nice and over familiar, lacking a single detectable personality trait.

Bland, empty, and with the charisma of vomit-sodden cardboard.

Sinnoh is a prolonged saga as it is, padded with nonentities like her and Kenny.

Alright, episodes must be devoted to Dawn's Contest career, however tiresome it is, but why exactly do we need any about Zoey and Kenny? Why should we care?

Every time I sat through a competition Dawn lost, I resented that she was no further along on her quest, equating to another episode eaten away by this shallow, blackened hymn to superficiality.

Compare this indulgent treatment to the sneering disrespect shown to Jessie, an actual main character, who not only had to win her Ribbons practically off screen, but the writers delighted in hammering home how worthless she was in only scraping into the Grand Festival because Princess Salvia took pity on the deluded wretch.

They favour their own inventions over the original cast, then dump 'em as soon as the next generation arrives, so how could they ever matter if even the creators eagerly cast them aside?

After all the effort on my part to put up with the entire witless farce, Zoey beats Dawn in the finals!

Why?!

I understood the unspoken law of Ash not being allowed to win a League until the very last series, for fear whatever came after would be anticlimactic, but why should this deadening failure apply to May and Dawn?

By the culmination of the Contest rigmarole, it's obvious they'll be making their exit for the next region's Girl, so why couldn't either bid farewell to the fans with a victory?

Why must they be incompetent too?

Even if achieving their dream dampened any hunger to carry on, they're departing anyway, so what difference does it make?

At least Ash will continue, but for May and Dawn, it's the end.

How could any fan be satisfied with a smarmy vacuum of a creature like Zoey succeeding instead?

Barry

Eyes of molten evil.

The second-worst character ever created (Iris is top of the ranks), Barry is a smug, arrogant, screeching dweeb jabbering his oh-so endearing catchphrase about fining anyone who slightly irks him, so sure is he that his feelings should come above everyone else's

He truly believes he has a God-given entitlement to demand lesser lifeforms should arrange themselves to suit his pleasure, that they are morally compelled to shield him from  meagre inconvenience.

Twat.

Knocking the little geck out of the League was the most noble thing Paul ever did. It practically redeems him.

This is what I cannot comprehend:

Ursula is openly conceited, rude to Dawn, and brags about her own excellence even after losing.

We're asked to dislike her.

Barry slags Ash off constantly, is convinced of his own divinity, and jeers at Team Rocket.

We're supposed to see him as a 'good guy' and welcome his arrival.

Why? Are Ash and Team Rocket fair game, but offending Saint Dawn's intolerable?

Again, it astounds me how temporary, region-specific stars seem to count for more than those who've been here since the beginning.

Whilst they're here, that is. Once gone, you wouldn't know they'd existed.

Kenny

He wears a matador outfit to compete.

It's a crying shame Tauros was never given the opportunity to gore him.

As usual, it's Piplup I blame.

Each generation likes to flaunt the starter Pokémon, presumably in the hope of flogging more games, that's why Ash usually catches all three, or they're spread out amongst his friends.

It's about time Team Rocket had one.

Can't do that, they only appear five times per series now.

Piplup is a whiny attention whore who refuses to evolve. In consequence, he can't advertise the next stages in the evolution chain, so we have to keep seeing Barry and Kenny instead, that's why Empoleon and Prinplup are always walking about.

This equates to three characters having the same Pokémon, albeit in different incarnations.

There's variety.

However, Kenny's true purpose is much more grim than that.

Fans will ship Ash with The Girl, a useless endeavour when it's destined to come to nothing when she's kicked out.

In Hoenn and Sinnoh, an effort was made to wean shippers off in preparation for the upcoming split, so alternative suitors were introduced, with the girls effectively pushed on to them.

May got Drew.

I don't mind that. He had some refinements.

Dawn got Kenny.

...

What, you want me to cheer for such a revolting couple?

Have I not suffered enough?

What unpardonable crime did Dawn do to deserve such a horrible fate?

She's not a bad-looking girl. She can do better than an ugly, portly, shrunken, pie-faced cretin! 

You do this to me when Nando exists?

Sod the age gap, that never concerned anyone here.

This being the Kenny who spends four years belittling Dawn by constantly reminding her of a humiliating childhood experience, even giving her a nickname too!

Dawn is visibly distressed when he does this, but he's a fine candidate for romance?

She has to settle for a sweaty, lecherous herbert like him, who doesn't even try to atone for his unfortunate mug by being kind?

I suspect the whole Sinnoh adventure was really him wearing down her self-esteem until she believed he was the best available, wanting her to be grateful for his slobbery attentions.

It won't stop there either. He'll trap her for the rest of her life by isolating her from friends, followed by accusations of how undeserving she is of his 'love'.

Such is Dawn's lot: absent father, pushy mother, whinging penguin and abusive boyfriend.

Kenny's already a perv:

He's not looking at her face.

She knows he's not.

Ash and Pikachu have noticed an interesting feature further down.

Aipom likes it too.

[master-sass-blast]

Henlo, it's me, your local trash monster here to say I love Hannah and I can't wait to hear more about her?? That being said, GIMME ALL THE SAD GOODS ABOUT HER. But also add in something happy about her in the end! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ ((Also sending hugs! I know things have been stressful the last few days so just know I'm rooting for you !!))

Holy fuck I think this is the first time someone’s ever told me to cut loose and just SAY ALL THE THINGS AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!! :D

(Answers under the cut because I just went with the entire list. I have no self control.

And thank you for the hugs and encouragement!)

1. What is one word to shut them up: Okay, for some context, Hannah is a lawyer. She has a thick skin (unlike me, heyoooo). It takes a lot to shut her up; she’s an HBIC and she owns it.

But if someone starts talking about her scars (she’s struggled/struggles with self-harm), she shuts down. It’s a part of her she’s still self-conscious about, and if someone mentions it she’ll literally stop mid-sentence and mentally exit the conversation.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about: Again, she’s got a pretty thick skin, so she doesn’t hold onto too much. Life happens, you make mistakes, and it’s better to learn from them rather than beat yourself over the head for something you can’t change anyway.

If there’s something she’s going to feel guilty about, though, it’s fights or incidents she’s had with family members/close friends where she’s hurt them with something she’s said or done. She holds herself in high accountability to ensure that she doesn’t step all over people, and when she does she fails not only them but her expectations for herself, so yeah. Guilt.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced: Physical pain? Probably different injuries from her career in martial arts. She’s a tough cookie, but some of that stuff just hurts.

Emotional pain? Anytime she fails her expectations for herself. She has very high standards for herself, and when she can’t reach them she becomes very depressed (more so than usual).

4. Describe their worst nightmare: Actual dream? Anything where she’s drowning or running out of air. She almost drowned a couple times as a child/preteen, and the trauma still emerges in her adult life from time to time.

Real life “this is a nightmare” scenario? Any point where her depression gets so bad that she stops being functional. Things just start piling up and get overwhelming very quickly.

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear: 1.) Drowning, which runs pretty deep but it’s an obvious one that she’s done a lot of therapy work for, and she doesn’t mind talking about it with other people. 2.) Wasps. She accidentally got locked into a shed with an active wasp nest in it as a child. She made it out alright, but the sheer terror of the situation made her repress the memory. She’s heard the story from friends and family, and “gets” why she’s scared of the fuckers, but can’t actually recall the incident itself. 3.) The dark. A side effect of depression is paranoia, and when she’s alone, in the dark, she can’t shake the feeling that there’s some sort of creature watching/following her. When her depression gets really bad, she has to sleep with a light on to keep from flipping out.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick: She’s not naturally squeamish, but the sounds of belching (ala college frat boys, y’all know what I mean) make her stomach churn.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves: Her scars. She’s very ashamed of them, and goes out of her way to wear long sleeved shirts so she can hide them.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them: Feeling like she’s failed her own expectations/expectations others have of her, accidentally inhaling water, the ‘buzzing’ sound bees/wasps make.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness: Her height. She might be a kickass lawyer and an even kick-assier martial artist, but she barely clears five feet.

10. What is their greatest mental weakness: Her struggles with self-hatred. She’s her own worst enemy a lot of the time.

11. Do they have any vices: Not really. Not as far as serious vices go. She’s pretty grounded.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it: Nope. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from day one and made sure her record was spotless.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them: Pride? I think that one comes closest? Again, since she really doesn’t have a vice or a thorn in her side, it’s hard to pick something for her.

I think Pride comes closest because she spirals when she fails to live up to her own expectations, which I think often comes with a bit of ego (at least in my experience with that sort of thing). She’s also got a lot to be proud of (lawyer, martial artist, financially independent), but she’s not a walking ego either?

Idk. This is a weird question, lol.

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… ): Not really. Don’t get me wrong, she can get there, but it takes a lot. She’s very collected (and usually swings the opposite way; she’s more likely to cold shoulder you if she’s mad).

She does threaten to shove her Prada stiletto sideways up Hank Pym’s ass, though. So there’s that.

15. Who do they hate the most: Guys who use her height against her by cornering her into spots while they try to ask her out/talk to her about something. It’s the fastest way to wind up on her shit list.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior: Herself. She’s her own worst enemy.

17. What sound always gives them a headache: Her coworker Tracey’s text/notification sound. Which is always going off because Tracey’s always talking to someone.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them: Not really. She’s half Japanese, half ethnic Jew, and a practicing Jew to boot, so she grew up on a pretty broad flavor palette.

She’s tried a bacon cheeseburger once on a dare, though, and she hated it.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly: Not really (outside of her scars). She’s pretty confident in her appearance.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable: Again, not really. She’s spent a lot of time in therapy, which helps, but she’s always had her feet pretty well on the ground.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety: The prospect of losing. She’s very competitive.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses: Depression.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped: She’s run into the usual guys that like to try and use her size against her, but they usually wind up worse for wear than she does.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped: Yes. She’s five feet tall and doesn’t clear 110 lbs. She’s very aware that she’s got “TARGET” written across her back.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust: Fortunately, no. Most of her close relationships come from communities she knows well (school, work, the temple she attends in LA), so she hasn’t had to deal with too much betrayal.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured: Yes. Even outside of her struggles with self-harm, she’s a martial artist. She’s broken a few bones over the years from that.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital: Five. Three for some pretty drastic self harm incidents, and two from sparring injuries.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them: Obviously, she has frustrations with asshole guys, racists/anti-Semites, but she cannot stand people who work in organizations that prey on the disenfranchised (ala military recruiters going to schools in impoverished areas to fill their quota because they know how to trick the kids into trying out and all that). It gets her blood boiling fast.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them: Yes. Again, this shows perfectly with her fear of the dark.

30. Have they ever been bullied: Yupp. For her heritage, her beliefs, her mental health struggles, her size... High school sucks.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues: Yes and no. Again, she’s pretty confident about most things in life, but she does have certain weak points (her scars, living up to her own expectations, her height).

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents: Actually, no! She has a good relationship with both her parents and her extended family!

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well: Not in the drastic sense of things. She’s been through a few break ups, sure, but nothing that was abusive or crazy.

34. Have they ever self harmed: Yes. It’s something she still struggles with as an adult.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be: Her scars. She’d make them disappear.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them: She’s pretty well in control of her emotions.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away: Not really, no.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned: Nope.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do: Not in any serious sense. Her reputation for toeing the line was too well known for her to be accused of something she didn’t do.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems: She did as a teenager, but dutiful therapy and self-care has helped her outgrow that habit.

41. Do they get sick often: Nope! She’s pretty healthy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life: She’s content, but not complacent.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts: Yes. Again, she doesn’t like her history with self-harm. If she could erase that, she would.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t: Travel. Her job’s pretty demanding as far as hours go.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience: Melancholy. No matter what she’s doing, it’s sort of always hanging around her, like a tiny cloud.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide: Yes. Unfortunately, it’s a side effect of the depression.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide: A couple of times, when she was teenager.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill: Outside of self-defense/the defense of others? No.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through: Being forced to reject her identities as a Jew/person of Japanese heritage. Her families have made it through so much (internment camps, persecution, the Holocaust), and she’d rather die than erase her own identity.

50. Create your own: Alright, I’m gonna put the happy one here so we end on a high note!

She’s a firm believer in the need for “mah” (the Japanese word for “emptiness), or a moment to pause and do nothing. It’s easy to see that reflected in how she practices meditation, follows Shabbat, or takes time each day to simply be.

However, she also believes that the principle of “mah” is what makes her and Luis work so well as a couple. She is the silence to his constant chatter and helps him keep his feet on the ground. Likewise, he keeps her from living inside her head and helps her connect to the world.

They’re just such opposites attract. Ugh, I love them so much!

[clitoral-minded]

isn't it the usual triangle of: fast, cheap and/or good? (pick two. pick one on a bad day. actually, pick zero on a bad day; remember that writing is a miracle and you're amazing for doing it.)

anon, you're already writing this for free, on your own time. posting it is a gift to the fans. i'm not gonna tell you i don't rely on my writing friends and my reader friends to prop up my self esteem; it sucks when a fic doesn't get recognized, but it helps, as betts said, to enjoy the process, or to develop some kinda compulsion to process all of your thoughts through writing.

sigh.

i'm writing this blog in an effort not to text everyone i know with banal thoughts. i am painfully aware that if someone tells me to post something, i will, and if they tell me to take it down, i'll do that too. i am painfully aware that i can be very, very wrong about things, and that anything i think about through writing could be used against me. (antis are fun.)

but i still need to think. pain is pain (like, the bad un-fun kind), but writing it down makes it art. putting it in prose makes it something that someone else can actually feel. it makes empathy cathartic and not just weird and exhausting. how does anyone know anyone else without reading their writing? how do you even prove you exist without reading the list of 'things i did today' back and forth until you no longer feel disjointed? my body is me but my writing is also very, very me, so posting it where people who know me can see it is only completely terrifying.

the practical advice:

end the fic. go on, do it. if you don't need to write it, then why are you still writing it? might as well reread the whole thing while you're drafting your 'SO SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO STILL READ THIS FIC, BUT--' note. oh, but look at all those plot threads you've left unresolved, they haven't even kissed yet, it's such a shame. maybe you can just dash down the quickest possible way for them to do that. just write like, a not!fic about how it would happen, or One Scene, just one scene about the part you find most interesting right now. the fic was really awesome up until you stopped writing, but if you're not writing it, you might as well tell someone how it would have ended, and how totally amazing it would have been, because of X, Y, and Z-- you could draw an endcard for the fic that's totally for sure ending next week!

ooh, you could start Focusing On Real Life more. you could do all those boring tasks that you hate doing. you could clean your entire house.

and re: being flowery and incoherent: yeah, me too. i have been told that my writing is vague and confusing, so i try very hard to clarify, but this is not always a good use of your time. some people are /so into/ purple prose. use more semi colons. use so many semi colons. it's fun. i guarantee you that some people are still reading or want to catch up with your fic and they will whine if you actually end it without wrapping up the plot. readers are ungrateful and you should do what you want.

Betts, I’m having a really hard time writing my fic. It’s incredibly long which doesn’t help but even updating the next chapter feels impossible. I’m so amazed—not only by how often you’re able to update, but by the sheer quality of your writing. I have a tendency to get too flowery and incoherent, so I’m scared to rush. But this unfortunately means I update every few months. All of my readers have virtually abandoned my story and I can’t blame them. Can I get some advice on how you’ve built the skills needed to update fast with good writing? Any suggestions you might have?

i can't remember if i've talked about this yet, but i was on a med to help with my sensory issues and it really, really fucked with me. and even though i was like, twitching a lot and had restless legs and fatigue, i stayed on it because it was doing what it set out to do: light and sound didn't bother me at all (i didn't even need to put on headphones when the lawn was mowed), and i wasn't snappish and mean like i get sometimes when i'm not masking. i was able to do everything i needed to do in a day with ease, without even making a detailed to do list (a thing i've done nearly every day since i was 18). i could make difficult phone calls. i could change my routine at a moment's notice or go somewhere when i felt like it without having to gear up for it. in other words, it had taken away a lot of my autism symptoms. for six months it was like someone else was living in my body. someone it turns out i didn't like at all.

i wasn't writing. i couldn't write. normally my brain is so full of words, if i don't get them down it can sometimes become physically painful. i've suspected for a long time i have hypergraphia, because the words don't even have to be coherent, they just have to be out. before i started writing fiction, i wrote a lot of flat-out nonsense. when i was a teenager, i kept long-running notebooks with friends. i was on AIM all the time. i religiously journaled and kept a blog detailing my daily life. and then when texting became a thing, my life got immeasurably better. i have always, always preferred writing to speaking, and i feel like i can't actually know a person until i've read their writing. i remember when i first got an email address and my dad sent me an email, i was like, ah! i can finally see you! and you're way weirder than i thought!

anyway it took a long time but eventually i found fanfic and now everyone who's ever known me can breathe a lot easier since i'm no longer texting them a million times a day with totally banal thoughts.

which is all to say, when i was on that med, my brain was utterly silent. it was terrifying. it felt like i'd had a major piece of me cut off and there was a time i was honestly so scared i'd never write again, that whatever spark i had was gone. i was so bored i contemplated going out, like actually leaving my house, for fun, and i was like, oh so this is why people do things.

because there were no words happening, when i did sit down to write (which was the one thing i still had to schedule, the opposite of how it usually is, and by that i mean i'm writing all the time by default and have to schedule everything else like eating and running errands), it was tedious, because i had to make them up on the spot instead of them just being there. it's the difference between buying apples and picking them yourself. when you buy them, there's a whole little mountain to choose from. you don't have to take a single step. but picking them yourself, you've gotta go out and find them, and it takes a lot longer.

there were other things i couldn't do either, like conflict and scene crafting. i couldn't really see the future of a given story, whereas before, i didn't even have to think about it. it was just all there waiting for me and all i had to do was put it on the page.

of course, there is a horrific downside to this, and that is that i'm virtually unfunctional in day to day life while i'm in the process of writing something. that's why i love residencies so much. they're made specifically for people with maladaptive behaviors like mine, like, here's a room, here's a desk, here's a hundred bucks for groceries, have at it.

i signed my apartment lease in april and i still haven't unpacked. some days i sit down at my desk at 10am and i blink and it's 2am and i don't know what happened, but i have 10k new words that i had absolutely no control over creating. thankfully i've developed good habits to make sure i get all the work done i have to get done, but it's always a struggle and honestly i can't see myself ever being able to work a full-time job again, unless i go back on that awful med.

the point is, for six months i wasn't writing, and because i wasn't writing i fell into a very deep depression. coupled with the fact nothing was in my brain, i wasn't talking much to anyone, wasn't engaging much online, wasn't reading, wasn't cooking, wasn't cleaning. all i could do was sleep and watch youtube videos. the highlight of my day was my coaching calls and the work i was doing for ofic, where i could feel a little like myself again.

as you can see from this very long post, i got taken off that med and put on a new one that's rendered me once more a ball of words and nothing else. my psychiatrist, bless her, didn't even question me when i said i preferred to be an obsessive maladaptive daydreamer who doesn't live in reality than...whatever i'd turned into. a task-doer i guess. i think what i'm going through now, the 200k in a few months thing, is all the build-up of being on that med.

anyway, everyone's brain is different and therefore their relationship and approach to writing is different. i think we have far less control over these things than we think. or at least i do. i certainly know some ass-in-chair 8am writers for whom writing is genuinely work like any other, and they have daily word goals and once they hit them they go outside and run a marathon or whatever.

other than those few people, i don't think any writer is happy with the pace at which they write. i would love to have the patience you do to get flowery with my writing, but my sentences have always been spare and simple. i've learned to make that work to my advantage i think, but it still remains: i am never going to be a writer of pretty things. and that made me sad for a long time, but it also makes me appreciate a beautiful, complex sentence so much more, because it's something i can't really do.

i don't think writing slow is a weakness and i don't think writing fast is a strength. our minds move at the pace they move and there's not much we can do about it. i think a lot about a girl i used to know in the MFA who wrote microfiction, and her daily word count goal was six. six words. i think about donna tartt, one of my favorite authors, and how she's published one book a decade, three books in a career. and i also think about those writers who churn out book after book after book and even if they're good quality, they're all kind of the same, and that's because writing speed is directly related to the speed at which you make decisions. if you're always falling back on the same story structures, sentence structures, scene pacing, and character archetypes, yeah, you can write pretty fast. writing, at its simplest, is deciding what word comes next, over and over and over again. and so i write fic fast because my writing style is just my inner monologue, the characters are already established, and in terms of plot all i really have to do is figure out the happily ever after.

but it also took me 3 years to write my short story collection. i have novels i've been working on for 5 or 6 years now. i have hundreds of thousands of words of prose in various WIPs that will have to be completely rewritten because of how sloppy they are and how they don't get the work done i want them to be doing. so i definitely understand what it is to write slow, and how frustrating it can be when you're just eager to be finished.

i'm sorry your readers have abandoned your story and i'm sorry i don't have more practical advice for you. my only real advice is to relish in the process and enjoy any minute you spend crafting a sentence you can be proud of.

[itsme-isfp]

I'm an ISFP and currently, I'm kinda struggling, mostly due to the intuitive bias. It makes me feel worthless and like I'll never really be good enough in anything I do compared to the intuitives. I have amazing intuitive friends (one INTJ, INFP and INTx) and they're so amazing with their ideas and skills, while I'm not nearly as impressive. I know that I shouldn't let this sort of thing bug me, but it just is and... I don't know what to do.

Hey anon! 

Sooooo part of the reason I waited a while to answer this anon is because I really, really dislike the intuitive bias.  I’m very tempted to use this as an excuse to get on my soapbox about it, but in thinking about you message, I think there’s some other things going on for you that are more important to address.  

The first one is that us ISFPs have a natural tendency to play the comparison game.  One of the great things about being perceivers is that we’re very much in tune with the world around us, although that ability often makes us acutely aware of how we don’t fit the mold. It’s really easy to look and the evidence and believe that we don’t measure up because we aren’t like the people we admire or fit societal expectations.  

Here’s a healthy truth for ya: measuring yourself against your intuitive friends (or anyone of a different personality type, for that matter) is an unfair comparison.  An intuitive is going to be gifted in ways that you are not, and conversely, you are gifted in ways that they are not.  Expecting yourself to perform in a similar way to people of other types -  intuitives especially - is setting yourself up for disappointment because you are wired and function in a fundamentally different way.

Your differences are a very, very good thing.

Let me give a specific example:  I’m also close friends an INFP and an INTJ. I love them both dearly, but my intuitive friends SUCK at logistics. INTJ is great at coming up with nice-sounding ideas, but the few times when those ideas have been successfully executed, she’s had at least one sensor helping her work out the details and do the leg work to actually make it happen. (side note: this has been a point of conflict for us because she’s often more than willing to take full credit for things she actually did very little to accomplish.) INFP will dream about art projects for us to do together for YEARS before she takes a first step toward doing it…if we do it at all.

So! Here’s a couple ISFP-friendly ways to break out of the comparison trap:

Find some things you like about yourself.  Remind yourself of the specific ways you have worth when you’re feeling down about how you’re not like your friends. 

I know this initially seems self-serving, but find a kind, trusted friend or friends and ask them what you’re good at or what qualities they admire in you. Yes, it’s good to practice positive self-talk, but it also really, really helps to hear it from someone else, especially someone who knows you well and whom you can trust to be completely honest with you. Annnd just letting you in on a little secret here: people are usually more than willing to do this for you if you offer to say nice things about them in return ;) 

Find ways to engage your auxiliary function (Se).  (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, see this post and this post.) Sometimes all it takes is engaging in a favorite physical or creative activity, or just plain ol’ doing something you’re good at to make you feel better about yourself.  It also doesn’t hurt to spend some time with other artisan types (xxsp). 

Finally, screw the intuitive bias :) being a sensor is awesome! 

[aquarianwisp]

Hi I'm getting out of a 2 1/2 year abusive relationship & i have mental health issues already so my depression & anxiety r sucking my energy worse than usual. I am glad to be moving on but that doesn't mean it's easy. I would like to focus on health & healing, letting go of built up negative emotions, & building upon my inner strength in order to get me through this tough time. Spiritually, mentally, physically, magically. Any advice is really so welcome. Thanks so much. Blessings shinto!

Hey Hun,

I’m really sorry I didn’t answer this straight away. Essentially I am a busy lady, with a hubby and a job so I’ve not really been able to do much else. I do hope you can forgive me!Anyway, I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. I too have been in an abusive relationship in the past. And many people ask you, why didn’t you just leave? Thing is, it’s not that simple. It really really isn’t that simple. And only abuse victims who have been in situation of an abusive relationship can really understand how leaving is so seriously difficult- not only emotionally on yourself, but mentally, financially, and even sometimes physically- when a partner even can hold you captive, follow you or harass you when you try to leave. And what about relationships? You soon find out who and who isn’t your true friend, when you really need people around you but they got nothing but judgmental or cruel things to say. It’s hard. It’s not as easy as just walking out the door and not looking back. 

Abusive and traumatic memories cause the mind to act very strange. Not only can they affect the conscious and logical mind, but they dramatically affect what scientists refer to as the “animal or instinctual” brain quite dramatically. Take for example the trauma that a soldier will suffer. A person who spends time in a war zone for long periods may instinctually react to stimuli that are known to not be dangerous in the logical mind. For example, a soldier may jump to the ground and take cover during fireworks, when both you and I may think they are nothing to be afraid of. This is how abuse can so dramatically damage people, and it is a really deep problem, because none of us are really aware of our animal brain, we are only really aware of the conscious mind. This same thing is also why it is so awful to tell someone to just get over a mental illness! They physically cannot because their animal brain has been re-wired from the trauma to protect the body!Abuse can be compartmentalized in the brain, buried in the subconscious, and memories can even be entirely blanked out or sections of them will be almost “censored” in order to protect the psyche/ego/and/or the self from what is painful and harmful. And this can be both good and bad. Good in a sense that the body has it’s own mechanisms to preserve the self, but bad because buried memories can cause inflammation, physical illnesses, mental health disorders etc. There is a known link between emotional energy and physical illnesses (in most cases). And as a abuse survivor I can speak from experience when I say that you will find your own struggles will take their own unique toll on your physical body if you do not learn how to deal with them effectively and in an appropriate setting. I really recommend that alongside the treatment of a trained medical professional including a doctor and a psychologist or psychiatrist, that you take time to engage in meditation- you could take classes or do yoga practices, or learn a practice such as Reiki (Bonus certificate in Reiki!) to help the mind remain calm, focused, and in touch with the self. I also recommend that you seek treatment from a spiritual healer and ask them to assist you with understanding your sense of self and to also connect you with the instinctual and animal part of the mind. The reason here being that if you can connect with the instinctual or animal psyche, you can use the logical mind to start up a dialogue in yourself that will show you a different point of view on your trauma. This is something that meditation does really well, as you may find more with practice- that meditation will take you deep within your self, present you with a memory, and ask you to understand it from a more logical point of view rather than with the emotions.You’ll find that seeking help from a spiritual healer, or even just reading into and practicing some healing arts such as reiki on yourself as a complement to the treatment of a doctor, that you can really over come a lot of deep and tough emotional issues with time. Personally anyone can do healing, but I believe that it is better for abuse survivors to find assistance from someone who knows and understands how to perform healing, and will be able to tailor a healing that can deal with your needs. So that’s why I recommend asking assistance from a qualified healer if you have suffered abuse(Although that doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself, since you know yourself more intimately than anyone. It’s just that there are some issues are actually really serious and painful to deal with, so people need qualifications to help people heal without harming them further.)I really recommend listening to TED talks on youtube. They explain abuse from a scientific perspective, and even bring in some spiritual leaders to discuss spirituality and it’s ability to assist in mental health, abuse, trauma, and physical illness. I listen to these talks myself, and they really help to understand how the mind works. I think with time, and the assistance of spiritual healing, you will find that buried deep in the self is a beautiful being of love and joy that will bring you deep fulfillment after a long time of suffering. And you deserve that!