#i know all the scripts are supposed to be on their patreon but I can’t find them there

[skaluli]

people are a lot more critical of eddsworld on tumblr so if u wanna just go off and post a whole college essay of ur criticisms then dont worry about getting eaten alive for it or anything lol

lmao sure king, i know youre probably thinking of the "criticisms of eddsworld" post that i had in my drafts but i need to finish that. instead so nobody is hungry, ill post the script of me "the end of the eddsworld discord server" here and honestly i have always felt safer here. i left twitter because of certain people and certain feelings. mental health is shit and my paranoia is shitter.

The End of the Eddsworld Discord Server

(A script by skaluli for a video that never came out and probably wont.) click" Keep reading" to begin. its kinda long? and has some pictures. (Also afterwards are extra screenshots from the discord that didnt fit into the video itself.)

Well- Cuts to - yes im using the dementia music, this video was supposed to come out before or even close after the closure of the server. Stuff happened and I’m tired. Please excuse what I say that may not matter anymore. I just want to get a video out and it starts by pushing this. ZZZZZZZZ. Happy Halloween or Christmas honestly it could be either.

I suppose it was going to happen at some point, it’s finally the end of the eddsworld discord server. Well expect for the patrons, they still get to do whatever lol. If you’re not in the loop, eddsworld had a discord server, to sum it up it was a place to converse with fellow edd-heads and well isn’t amino. But of course, it doesn’t come out with its own flaws. I mean there was a whole twitter account to showing the weird side of it. It’s over, the eddsworld discord is dead. Whatever the fuck all this is, is gone. Originally this was going to be made a few days before the closure of the discord but I got busy. Busy to the point where the discord server closed like a month ago [THAT’S SO FUNNY SKALULI ITS BEEN EVEN MORE MONTHS] and I’ve only started this script now. It’s called poor time management, don’t be me. [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA] So, let’s just attempt to bullet point this stuff. Also warning now, I might not have screenshots of everything and I can’t get anything else because well paywall, and even if I did pay, I don’t even know if the original chat still exists. AAAAAA, anyway. I guess I shall start with the “paywall”. So as you know or maybe didn’t or didn’t hear what I said before, the eddsworld server technically didn’t close, just to access the chats and stuff you have to be a patron. But listen kings we get the bloody announcements and twitter feed, yeAHHH. Ahem. Some questions being asked were along the lines of, well why didn’t you just make a separate patron server. Therefore, people not paying still get a somewhere to talk to other eddsworld fans under moderation. Of course, many questions like that and more being asked because well this kinda came out of nowhere. One of the issues is the fact that nobody was answering any of the questions being asked. Avoiding it essentially. Saying things out of the blue, I assume to try and calm the scenario that was created.

Which well got people angry, because well they have a reason to, and you can not deny that. But the thing is the anger got so out of hand that people just started death threating mods. A big note I have to make is that the mods, the crew of which is not Chris or Matthew, and or any of the pateron supporters had a choice in this. They most likely didn’t even know it was coming. You shouldn’t death threat mods and not even just mods just other patreon supporters. [I don’t have screenshots of this but im going by word of someone who said that that was happening to them.] You don’t need me telling you this, it’s basic knowledge. But you do know why they’re doing it though. Because what do you expect by suddenly taking a once-free community and putting a pay-wall over it. Of course people are going to be upset and lash out, even to these extremes. Yes the mods don’t deserve to get treated like this, but they’re getting treated that way by the fans in this case because of what you did. You being Chris and or Matthew. And you yourself not answering on behalf of mods. Leaving themselves having to speak for themselves on a situation that they had no control over. Having to dose the fires of a fire they didn’t even start. An issue being said that the server was getting to out of hand, so it’d just be easier to do what they did [kill the server]. But then why don’t you just hire more mods to manage the community you created? Who knows.

Also not to put my own opinion in here but I kept seeing messages being like “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this” what the fuck. No offense but don’t say that, never say that. Stop. Just pretty please don’t try to speak on behalf on a man that’s been dead for over a decade and act like you would know what he would have wanted. Sorry for the tangent just I see this happening when whatever happens and kids commenting “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this.” Please shush.

Listen I hate kids, I know they can be dumb as shit, I mean after just hearing all that especially. But also, at the end of the day I care about them and if they like and feel safe in the hell of the eddsworld server than you shouldn’t take it away from them. I understand that fan servers are being made but oh god my paranoia of something going wrong since it doesn’t have “trusted moderation” I’m not sure how to put it. It was really only the official safe space to communicate with other eddheads. I just worry that there will be some with ill intentions. I think you can allow me to think that at this point.

And to end it all off, you know how the server’s purpose was just to keep patron content to patrons.

Damn that sure did work.

-cut-

[Note I didn’t write this “now” I wrote this a few days after I mashed this script together.] Okay originally the script ends there on a somewhat snarky remark but while pacing I thought about how I want to make sure my point gets across. I make these videos to help and not harm, by saying that I mean there seems to be a lack of communication between the fans and the crew. And personally, myself I want to try and make a bridge between the two, my own attempts being to show each side and see everything through a different view. Not only I criticize the fans because I want them to improve, I criticize eddsworld because I want the same out of them. Neither is better than the other.

Bonus readout:

Also a request for someone:

Vine thud and then cat thumbs up

END OF SCRIPT

do note that sometimes i change things while recording and dont edit it into the script since well im supposed to be the only one who sees it and says it blah blah.

i have many other various screenshots i took before the discord closed, as i didnt know exactly what i'd need for the video.

here you can have them:

finally the dates of the files since i last touched them: word doc:

audio:

sony vegas:

if you need any clarification on what i mean or say just ask /gen most times i just word things in a way so i can understand it because my brain is fucked.

only thing that isnt here is the audio i recorded for the video and the beginning of the edit of the video. you dont need to hear my voice.

if you need anything else ill be around. i have other screenshots of various other things. 

even something that i dont think the person knows anyone got a screenshot of.

anyway im tired like always and forever, i need to work on it. maybe actually take my meds lmao. thank you eddsworld tumblr for allowing criticism of the show. have a good rest of your life.

[joyce-stick]

Audrey's Best Girls Winter 2023

Video of recommendations of girls (And media) which halfway through turned into a Bocchi the Rock video essay.

Transcript under the cut.

Previous video essay/transcript: Adachi and Shimamura's Second Season

If you're on desktop, you may find this more comfy to read directly on our Tumblr site.

If you enjoy this essay, please consider following us here or on any other platforms, and/or donating to support future works via our Patreon or Ko-fi.

Patreon • Ko-fi • YouTube • Twitter • Cohost • Tumblr • Mastodon

Hello everyone, it’s Audrey. So, it’s been some time, I was writing a script about problematic things, and then Joyce came along and started a separate script about things we had to recommend. I finished that script, and the end result of this process was a great incoherent mess, so I’m taking it from the top.

First thing we have to talk about today is Moonshine!~

Moonshine is a doujin visual novel produced by the now seemingly dissolved doujin circle Sakura Mint, whose origins I don’t have the resources nor Japanese language knowledge to trace any information about. It was released in 2007, and then translated to English in 2008, and, quite frankly, the fact that a freely available English translation exists for easy online downloading is a goddamn miracle. It’s really short, like, about an hour, or two if you’re slow like we are. Nonetheless, this VN made us cry like a little baby child. The reason for that being, it’s about a trans girl. And the other reason for that being, it’s about a trans girl falling in love with a gender ambiguous main protagonist who is, well, gosh, really.

This is a really raw and emotionally powerful little story with a really strong theme of how to move on with your life. From a life where you didn’t belong or weren’t loved, or from a life that you love but that can’t follow you, and how either can be equally painful, how change is always painful, even if it truly is for the better, and it’s just a whole lot of feelings. A story that made us cry this much needs to be read. The English version is available freely, it’s only a bit of time, and it’s very well worth it. You might need to fuck around with your graphics settings to get it to display in proper 4 by 3 if you want to play it in fullscreen without it stretching to 16 by 9, but still, very very worth it. Probably one of the best pieces of queer fiction that we’ve ever read, and the fact that it got translated the year after its release is incredible.

It also has a sequel, called Tsugi no Terasu, which is probably not called “Sunshine” in English because that’s not what the kanji means. This sequel never got any sort of digital release either officially or otherwise and it looks as if the doujin group that made it has long disbanded given that the web domain name they used to occupy is now populated by casino advertisements, sooo all their work is probably just kind of, gone, unfortunately. As is often the case when independently produced niche media exists and no one is doing any work to preserve it. These things just sort of go and vanish.

Unless it hasn’t vanished, and someone does care! Like, I dunno, the girl reading this. I dunno about y’all, but I’d prefer that this thirteen year old VN that’s a sequel to a sixteen year old VN about a trans girl gets to be read, by someone, and hopefully continue to exist, and not evaporate into the mists of time. Sure, we can’t read it, but, details details. We’ll learn! How to read. I hope.

So I found a copy of Tsugi no Terasu for sale on akibaoo. Presumably this copy’s used, and there’s no guarantee it’ll work with our computer, or that it won’t be scratched to hell, but hey, you have to take some chances sometime in life. So, I bought it, with a portion of our, uh, meager, monthly Patreon earnings, so that we can collect it and take some form of action to preserve it in some form. Because this is what we’re supposed to do. I know we don’t have that much money, I know we’re probably going to have to eat a lot of rice for another month, but, what the hell, are we doing this youtube shit for, if not this shit? And I for one, am tired of watching hazel do all the awesome Japanese media preservation actions. I would like to have some of that glory! Somehow.

And that’s the thing.

So if you’d like to support the thing, that is to say, acquiring and assessing niche subcultural Japanese media so that we can talk about it and maybe help make it accessible to other people, and making video essays about these exploits and our emotional discoveries from them, or whatever else we do, which all apparently comes ahead of eating a proper diet because we’re insane… then please, please, donate money to us via Ko-fi, Patreon, or whatever. You will be rewarded in some way, I assure you, unless you don’t feel rewarded, and then you won’t.

So here, I’m gonna tell y’all about other interesting content that we’ve had a look at.

2,

Witch from mercury!

Okay so I had a whole thing written about this show. And then I had a whole other thing. And then Joyce simplified that other thing to its base components. And I don’t feel like summarizing what she said about what I said. But really I just think you should look at the tweet I wrote. Which says,

“So basically this is the story of what'd happen if us talking to girls in our discord chats but we had mechas and were all caught in the middle of corporate/government space politics-wars-ing

“I’m sorry”

And also,

Suletta didn’t do anything wrong.

I’ve thought about this quite a long time, and others have kind of said it more succinctly, but I think that Suletta made, not the best decision, but a reasonable decision in this circumstance, to protect her fiancee from the guy pointing a gun at her.

I think the appropriate thing to do then would have been to emerge from Aerial apologizing profusely for the traumatic experience that Miorine just had of watching a dude get killed, instead of what she did do. That would have been the human thing to do. But Suletta didn’t act like a human in this situation because her mom told her that this behavior was a show of emotional strength. And that’s what’s happened here. And that’s interesting, because it plays really well into the story, I think, in showing that the shonen protagonist pluckiness that Suletta was trying to approach her circumstances with, doesn’t really work all of the time! Suletta, the main protagonist of this series, acted the most protagonist like that she’d ever acted in this scene, and it was the most out of character she’d ever acted, and like, gosh, I’m looking forward to seeing how they follow up on this. That’s really what I have to say about that.

Oh and also the show was good.

So yeah, that helped.

3,

How Do We Relationship?

Which I’m going to refer to as Tsukiage, a shortened form of its Japanese title, from here on out.

Tsukiage is a story about lesbians.

And yes, yes, I know, there’s many stories “about lesbians” that I’ve told you about before. No. This isn’t like those. Tsukiage is About Lesbians. Tsukiage is about the experience of being a lesbian in This World, with all its gross bigotry problems. Tsukiage is about the experience of being in a group of heterosexual women and being asked what guys you like, and being unable to answer. Tsukiage is about the experience of being someone you know your parents would hate. Tsukiage is about the experience of being a teenager with no adults to trust in your life, but also about being an adult uncertain if you can trust the other adults in your life, and about the ennui of living isolated in a place you’ll probably never find your way out of, and about,

Tsukiage is about two twenty something lesbians who date each other because they’re the only lesbians they know and they have no idea what else to do, and who are really good at having a lot of sex with each other but are also really bad at dating and even worse at dating on the days when they're really bad at having sex with each other. And they're also both young and both had traumatic high school romance failures because, being a high school student is plenty traumatic in its own ways, and those wounds are still fresh to both of them even if they want to pretend they aren't, and it's bound to follow them still in this town they've lived their whole life in, and it's just a lot of spicy drama about that! I’ve been only three volumes in so far, and Miwa and Saeko are the first main pairing of a yuri manga we've seen to whom I’ve kind of ended up saying “nope”. I don’t get the sense that these two are made for each other in the same sense we got reading Adashima or Yagakimi or Sasakoi. They argue, they bicker, they feel jealous about each other, and about, maybe, 2 thirds of the way through the second volume, I realized I was reading a breakup narrative.

I mean, look at the back covers of the first four volumes. They telegraph it visually!

But also that makes this manga even more compelling for what it’s going for, because, um, conflict is good! And two people not made for each other is damn well better! Just yes, please do try to eventually get these two back together and sell me on this horrible relationship sorting itself. Or don’t, that’s also fine! I’ve not actually got to the chapter where they broke up, because, gosh, and tough, but yeah. And also this is probably the first manga I’ve read that actually shows how school can be traumatic, when it presents a supporting character who was deemed “gifted” in high school but ultimately wasn’t as good as their sibling and then was extremely othered by her family, and just is, generally, awfully maladjusted to, reality, because of the sheltered and overstructured way in which they lived being forced to rank as high as possible on exams, and like, shit! Like, I know Japanese high school is brutal, and it’s a plot point in a lot of anime and all, but this is the one time I can recall offhand when it was actually something that impacted the story and characters outside of a relatively contained studying arc, and it’s probably some of the realest fucking shit I’ve ever read.

Oh, also, um, Tsukiage is really damn funny. Like, the early volumes had me laughing involuntarily so much that I was seriously concerned about attracting noise complaints from others in our living space, or, around, generally? It’s a really good story, the art and faces are really good, the humor is really good and that's pretty damn essential, I think, for a story that deals in such heavy topics. The whole thing is good, so, yeah, read it!

4,

Bad End Theater!

So yeah, I already used this game as b-roll in the Adashima video, so if you watched that, you probably already know that we liked this. And we do. It’s quite good. This game starts with, as Joyce said, *ruffles papers* “an unawakened lesbian is eaten by a demon… and in the next part of the game, the lesbian meets a demon lesbian who wants to eat her in the other way… and in the later part of the game, a reply guy apologizes for replying with violence… or actually replies with violence.”

So anyway this game took us a couple hours to 100% all its Steam achievements. Very short game, very good game, nice little queer vignette about the tragedy of people from different social backgrounds not understanding each other, and then understanding each other, one hopes. It’s not free, but it’s quite good, and easily recommendable! So yeah.

5, Spark the Electric Jester 3!

It’s a Sonic game. It’s basically a Sonic game. It’s much like the earlier game, Spark the Electric Jester 2, which is much like the earlier games Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow the Hedgehog, the video about which we were going to make is apparently not coming out until it does, because we keep getting distracted by pointless bullshit. The developer of this series is a former developer of Sonic fangames and started with the 2D Spark the Electric Jester 1, which we could not finish because we suck at 2D platformers.

One really interesting thing about this game is how it treats the lives system. Yes, it has one, but only for the final level. I find this super super interesting, because while we were playing the Sonic Adventure titles with a friend of ours, we kinda generally came into the agreement that the lives system of all these games was a mistake. And Sonic Team seems to have agreed, because they, uh, removed it, from Sonic Forces onwards. But Spark 3 puts it back deliberately, only for the final level, and the final level is basically designed to make you lose lives. Not through difficulty, exactly, because while it is difficult, it’s not insurmountable, once you know the lay of the land- but rather, through compounding difficulty by length. Utopia Shelter doesn’t feel exactly like a level, it feels like a whole city. It feels like, I suppose, if at the end of Sonic 06, the whole of Soleanna became a level from which Sonic had to escape- oh, well, I guess that sort of did happen, huh. Sorry, just um…

Sonic 06 is cool? I’m very sorry to say so. It’s a horrible mess, but it also is cool.

Anyway, Spark 3’s acknowledgement of lives as a part of the Sonic Adventure experience feels like, kind of great? Like it doesn’t just go, “oh this part annoyed people, let’s throw it away” it says, no, dying in Final Chase repeatedly and falling out to the main menu is part of this kind of game, let’s just, give the player a chance to experience that, at least once. Let's make this a part of the game, but make it better, by making the level earn it, both by being an awesome level whose difficulty feels contextually justified, and also by being in a game with phenomenal 3D controls and platforming and movement physics where the appeal of such a difficulty modifier isn't spoiled by deaths that don't feel like your fault  And it’s done in a way that feels accessible, with the option of going back and just, playing more of the game more, if you feel like you need more lives to endure the stage, but odds are if you’ve done all the optional stages you don’t need that many. I got to the end of Utopia Shelter on my second try, with lives to spare.

And yeah, so, anyway. Spark 3. It’s a really good game. It’s got pretty great level design and a great sense of visual style, really good music, good movement except for those damn cars that glitch and start going sideways all the time… I started just doing the car stages on foot because I couldn’t be bothered. But other than those, great game!

And finally;

Bocchi the Rock!

Okay, so I’m not sure what about Bocchi I can say that isn’t already said by other people but y’know what, fuck it, Molly’s convinced me, I’m gonna tell the weird age gap crush story.

So, when we were like, 16, 17, thereabouts, we were presumed a cis boy, and about six entire feet tall, and because of this, non-attentive viewers would often mistake us for a college-age dude. This factor, alongside the color of our skin and the general, uh, emotional neglect, of our parents, lent itself to our delinquencies, i.e., doing basically whatever the fuck we wanted at the expense of getting verbally and/or physically harassed by our parents who weren’t happy with us doing whatever the fuck we wanted but were slowly giving up after whatever point at which they stopped paying for the therapy that didn’t fix this brain immediately. So it was one night, while we were out of the house, as we usually were, talking to people at a charity event for the community org we volunteered for back then, that we saw her.

That woman who played guitar. Who was, back then, about the age we are right now. Maybe a little bit older.

Don’t think I need to describe her elsewise, really!

We had played guitar, too, once, for several years even. But I think we’d given up on music, like, the year before, after our mom harassing us to practice the “right” way made it not fun for us anymore. Seeing that beautiful, talented, very nice, woman almost made us want to try again. Although, we didn’t, because our mom didn’t want us to ever touch an instrument again unless we were truly serious about trying to make money with it, because those lessons are expensive, and I guess that’s one of the many ways we disappointed her, by ostensibly wasting her money.

But anyway, this woman. She was nice. That’s most of what we remember about her. She was a nice, cool, and to our eyes then, pretty, older woman who felt easy to talk to, and seemed to empathize with our anxieties, as, little of them as we felt comfortable telling, and, we were awkward around here and didn’t say much other than to compliment here and to talk about Edgar Wright’s movies, but like, y’know, she was good. She was good. Remembering how she smiled and how she looked at us like… well, probably the same as she smiled and looked at everyone, but still, it seemed like she liked us, or liked having us around. Although, now, being a performing person, we understand it’s kind of in your best interest to smile at everyone who comes to see a show. But. Yeah.

And we knew we never had a chance with this nice older woman, and that our crush on her was inappropriate, but, still… we still thought about this nice, talented, tall, pretty, interesting woman, and how much we wished we could be closer with her, but alas, and curses, age gaps, strike something again. Our heart, most likely, but maybe something else too.

And you know where this is going, don’t you.

Yeah.

[Kikuri Hiroi, a clip]

Kikuri is far, far more unhinged than that woman. The woman we knew was, uh, hinged, enough, to not drink around the absurdly tall and cute 17 year old that kept coming to her gigs for unknown reasons. Kikuri meanwhile is hardly ever seen without a can of sake nearby. And she’s also a bit more, y’know, open, with Hitori-chan, whose face around Kikuri is constantly a mixture of mild terror and grand astonishment. And, yes, Seika and Kikuri, is definitely, the more appropriate ship, and the one more likely to happen in the actual story, if any explicit lesbianism did happen, which I don't expect it to, but Hitori and Kikuri, in my opinion, is much more compelling, precisely because of how inappropriate it is. There’s just something particularly compelling to us, anyway, in the thought of our dead-in-the-water teenage crush, or something adjacent to it, actually going, someplace. It’s true that had we acted on it in real life, assuming we weren’t just rejected and told to abscond permanently, it’d almost certainly have gone extremely badly, for all the reasons it’d have done that, but, y’know, fiction is meant for exploring those culturally taboo fantasies of these sorts without necessarily needing to consider those unsafe and undesirable consequences. Although… you can, cause that’s conducive to drama.

So anyway, as far as, the actual show, goes, I dunno, I think it’s all pretty clear in this moment. This entire surreal bit with the psychedelic rock concert, where Hitori sees Kuroi reach out to her in this imagined intimate moment and whisk her away through this weird and new aspect of music and life experience that she’s not felt before, and it’s just like… Yeah! Yeah, that’s how it felt to us back then, watching that nice older girl on that stage. It was really kind of nostalgic actually. So, there’s one layer of the appeal of Kikuri’s inclusion in the show, Hitori’s feelings for Kikuri as someone who is a mentor figure and has things to teach her. You could say the thing Kikuri has to teach is music, or, something else, and though Hitori isn't eloquent or brave enough to articulate whatever her crazy teenage feelings are, it's clear she… has some! Which are ambiguous enough that they could be interpreted as just her wanting to be like Kikuri, which was also an aspect of our teenage emotions about our cool guitar woman, or that Kikuri playing in front of her triggered a spicy homosexual awakening! Not wrong either way. Though I think it's both.

And the other layer of the appeal is just… well, Kikuri herself. And our adoration of and relation to Kikuri as not just a stand-in for our teenage age gap crush, but also as a character in our age range who is relatable to us as a young adult who feels similarly to her about life!

I don’t think I need to explain that one, but I will anyway.

Kikuri is an alcoholic.

At some point after we turned 21, when it wasn’t us, but Joyce, Joyce discovered alcohol, during one of the low points in our life when we were unstably housed, and gradually started to rely on it a fair bit more than she should have. For a good year or two there, Joyce was drinking off our ass about once a month, sometimes twice, and y’know, just sort of thinking, who cares. If I die, if I lose, if I go out. Who cares. cause I’m not going to! We only really stopped drinking as much as we did because it started costing money and we started finding ostensibly better ways to hurt ourselves, like buying the disc of an ancient Japanese-only doujin game and telling ourselves it’s media preservation. I don’t think we were ever as much of an addict as Kikuri but, just, watching Kikuri, and watching her ruin her life in, basically the same sort of a way, is extremely relatable and gross and eugh

And the whole gosh contrast of THIS WOMAN being Hitori’s mentor figure who she takes her cues from and then embarrasses herself trying to do it

Is just incredible and perfect and gosh

Both these lovely women are both ruining themselves trying to be cool and likable and awesome, and… SUCCEEDING, because, the… the people LIKE the women, ruining themselves! and it’s beautiful.

I’m sorry, it’s beautiful.

Anyway Bocchi good. Bocchi good.

We've been reading the manga of Bocchi since writing that bit, and I think the Bocchi manga is just, for one thing, somewhat inherently let down by not being an anime and not having songs play in it, but, it's got more humor, at least one more crazy adult, and it's got more happening in it, as there is in every manga, and I really like it.

[I had to transcribe this part because I ad-libbed it. - Audrey]

I also like how it goes about, y’know, putting forth the, general, thesis or idea that, you know um, quote, “Rock Touches People’s hearts, because it’s coming from a loser, but you can’t call it rock if it’s from a successful person” Because that’s a- that’s a statement to make. That’s a statement that I’m kind of into. because we’re very not successful and uh. Seeing characters like Kikuri, and Bocchi, and y’know, and her, underground band, and uh, characters like Aiko, and her… Shady Underground Journalism, and the fact that the manga presents all of them, all of these very unsuccessful women, as cool, because they are cool, and that’s, real, rock!

*giggling lightly* uhhhh ahaha and you know but also *mutters sheepishly* please donate to our patreon- *laughs*

And one thing that I’m, one thing that I, one other thing that I really like about the manga is that it, it focuses so much, it’s like- it’s not so school-centric as a lot of other manga about y’know, music teenagers, tend to be, like- They’re not the light music club! They’re- they’re, a real underground band and you know that’s…

That’s freaking cool! *chuckles* That they are, they are, y’know, actually doing concerts for money, and that’s, y’know, it’s about doing the concerts, for money, and about working with adults who also have been doing concerts for money! and drugs *laughing quietly*

And also the fact that so little of it is set inside the school, like, y’know, th-the one moment where like, th-the online journalist writer who’s just like spotlighting, who’s y’know, writing about bands, and looking for Hitori. And then she goes to the school and she’s just like… Kicked out of the school! Because she’s not- she’s… she’s a creep! Who doesn’t belong! In the school! A-And *laughs* And then y’know, in like, another manga where it’s the light music club that that’d just kind of be where the plot… stops! Where that plot line… stops! But she- But then she finds out that y’know, they don’t perform at school, because they’re not a school band, and then, she… goes to the live house… and advances the plot. And is also a kind of… fucked up, self-interested woman, who tries to… sequester Hitori into… agskjhgdkfhkdhjfdddd because she’s afkhjdhkhf she’s interested in money, and promising more than she’s probably able… able to give, she is……

[trails off laughing]

This- this chapter…! This is- This is a scene where, *hiccup* This is a scene where this woman tries to buy Bocchi, buy Hitori, with the promise of exposure! *laughing* That- That is literally: That is the literal description!

[long pause while Audrey gets herself under control]

Okay, I’m done ad-libbing.

One thing I wanted out of the anime, watching the anime, was to see the group grow and expand to the point where they actually do become a famous and successful band. That's basically what I figured it'd head for since, Hitori is already a successful YouTuber, as YouTubers go, and since Nijika said that's where she wanted it to go, that she wants to grow the band and become popular and help everyone reach their dreams. We kind of do have the whole "high schoolers become music celebrities" thing in Love Live, but I'd love to see that sort of thing be done in a way that feels more grounded and believable in a world where people actually seem to worry about money, outside of the fantasy confines of a nationally famous school club, and have it done in a way that the story doesn't stop happening once they graduate! Given how much the story already focuses on adults who are implied to be varying levels of fucked up just as well and seriously as its lead teenage characters who are implied to be varying levels of fucked up, it feels like the sort of story that's kind of made to transition to follow these girls out of their school lives. And I hope it goes there, and I also hope that the anime eventually gets further seasons because the material of the later manga chapters has itself a fantastic foundation if the rest of it is adapted in the same way, so, yeah.

And that's just the feelings I have on that. If you're interested in more bocchi content then um, sakugablog has a couple writeups and translated interviews which talk about the production which is itself its own really interesting story! It also got us to read the manga, because the way that the anime's character designer expresses such passion for Hamaji's work is utterly palpable and gosh things. Also I think it's really funny that Kerorira decided to animate the Bocchi ice bath scene with her wearing a school swimsuit because that adds another deeper layer of hilarious cringe that isn't quite present in the manga version of the scene when you see that she's so mentally conflicted about the merits and demerits of this scheme that she can't bring herself to fully expose her own body to the ice water which would, uh, probably make the intended effect of catching a cold more likely and thus make the plan work better, and also the scene probably couldn't have become as much of a twitter meme if they'd decide to illustrate her without the school swimsuit like the manga does, since then instead everyone would be mentally and sometimes textually debating the merits and demerits of bath scenes in anime, again, except it'd be funnier than that because it'd be about *this* scene and that would be goshdarned hilarious.

I think that’s really kind of it for this one. We’re out of time. So we’ll see everyone next time. And thanks to our patrons.

Brea,

Dorian Newlin

hikari no yume

L Tantivy

pigeon

Sally

Scimitar

And Thijs

And everybody else.

oh wow that was, that was a, that was almost 48 minutes, okay um—

Thank you to our Patreon supporters:

Ada. Just Ada • Andrew P • Anime Omelette • ASabitsukiFlow • BattleCorgi • Blair • braziliankaorin • Brea • ColorfulCast • dameDiadora • deeso • Dorian Newlin • Duskpixie • Elvenoob • Femboy Bebop • Gwen Starlight • hikari no yume • Katherine Ullman • Kaylee Smerbeck • Korin • L Tantivy • Lilly • M • Mira Yeuden • Nichtschwert • Nik Gothic • Pigeon • R2Walker • RukaCollie • Sally • Saoirse Russell • Scimitar • SimplyAero • SleepySlug • Spiderrebelnews • Thijs • Trucy • Vile Lasagna

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[subtle-carrot]

A Harsh Winter for Video Making

Hey there, human-people.

Here’s a “little” post about what I’m going to do with my YouTube channel next year. We’ll go over exciting stuff like the electricity situation in Finland, how that affects my video making in the coming year, how I’m going to actually plan what I’m going to do, and what other creative things you will probably start hearing about.

So let’s start with how shit would be hitting the fan in Finland, if that shit wasn’t frozen solid and the fan had power to spin.

Running Out of Electricity

Long story short, Finland is running out of electricity and electricity prices are spiking. Just in time for my cheap electricity contract to end as well. So, I could go on a long, broad strokes analysis of why this is happening, but lets condense: Russia, winter, and that goddamn nuclear reactor that was supposed to be finished 13 years ago and now that it is, its spinny things are broken and it will be fixed right after the coldest, electricity neediest part of the year. Super. And it’s so bad that semi-random parts of the national grid might be shut down for a few hours during the coldest periods, just so that the rest of the country can actually function.

The situation should start to get better March onward, but until then, yeah, thing’s in the shitter, innit? And that means that I might have to pause my video making for a while. And I know, I’ve been pretty uneven with making videos anyhow, but this would mean that I couldn’t work on videos almost at all. This is because currently, the things that consume the most electricity in my apartment are my desktop, that I use to edit, warm water for showers, and making food. Showers I’ve already cut down on and I kinda have to keep on making food, which leaves my dear old desktop.

So, the plan is this: I will continue working on my next bigger video until day temperatures fall under -10 C (14 F). At that point, electricity will be so expensive and the national grid will be under so much stress that I won’t turn on my desktop if I don’t absolutely have to.

But worry ye not, because I have other stuff I’ll be doing.

A Writing Hiatus

When the weather gets too expensive for my liking, I’ll move to working purely on my laptop. It can’t really edit videos (if I have not even that many PDFs open, it will start to crash), but what I can do is write.

I’ve gotten back to writing in the past few months. Years ago I used to write a lot of stuff - short stories, novellas, novel attempts. A lot of them were left unfinished but isn’t that always the case. And for years before that, it was basically part of my identity that I was a writer of some kind. Not published but I just enjoyed the doingness* of it. So what happened? Basically, my studies and my slow descent into exhaustion and burnout.

But I’m back at it again, and this time I’m writing short film and game scripts as well, most of which will most certainly never see the light of day. And I really want to talk about it more, write more about the things I’m doing, be it video or writing related. I’m especially in developing and talking about one scifi setting I’ve created, centred around a particular space station, filled with queerness and all the good things. Basically, I want to share things about my creative efforts a bit more with whoever follows this blog.

Which also means...

Rethinking my Patreon

So, up until now, I’ve mainly updated my channel and video progress on my Patreon as a tier reward. And you might already be going: “Hey, hold on there, comrade. You have a bit over 40 followers, why the heckiebeckie do you have a Patreon?” Well, originally this was so that my sister could support me when I moved away from Twitch when my last job started and I couldn’t realistically stream anymore. And so, I figured I might as well advertise it to other people as well, even though I knew no-one would probably give that kind of support yet. Which is very much okay, because it warms my heart a lot more to hear someone liked my videos rather than get a bit of money from them.

But now, this publishing of updates on Patreon has a slight problem to it: I never have the energy to update outside of it. It’s surprising how big of a drain updating to Patreon is sometimes, especially because I really want to just share everything with everyone. I don’t want to have to think what I can reveal outside of Patreon so that it can still be a special reward as well. I want to tell about the things I’m doing, talk to other people about these things and feel more connected to people who make cool things as well.

What I’m thinking of doing is a choice between a couple of ideas: a) I could just close my Patreon, open it again in the far off future; or b) I could just stop advertising it in my videos and video descriptions, and take off the update reward from the listings, and begin advertising it in the future again. I haven’t quite decided which way I’ll go but I’ll probably update you on that as well.

In any case, you can look forward to more talk about what I’m writing and doing creatively.

Back in the Spring

So, once it gets back to more manageable, cheap weather, I’ll be back to making videos. In the meanwhile, I’ll start writing more things here and on my own. I’ll probably do posts about new series and films I’d normally do videos about and keep writing scripts for longer videos so that I can schedule them for later in the year and get to making them when the spring comes. I also want to get back to making funny fake commercials I made a couple of at some point and maybe some small short films with friends.

I might also start doing more things on Instagram as well, but... Tumblr’s my home. It might not be the greatest place to advertise my kind of content, but the neighbourhood is just so pleasant.

But right now, I’ll keep working on my next longer video as long as the weather permits and you can look forward to a post about the scifi setting I mentioned earlier.

But in any case, I’ll see you in the next post.

---

*Almost wrote “craft” but let’s not be quite that pretentious

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Sometimes I rewatch Simgm’s gleedo series and lose it when Santana and Quinn are fighting while doing morning announcements and Santana all of a sudden goes ”well i’m a lesbian!!” before turning off the mic

[canmom]

patreon-likes summary

ok, fruits of my researches. linking my pages when they exist.

Patreon:

charges monthly

the largest such site, widely used. supports Discord integration.

8% + payment processing fee, 5% for basic (no tiers) mode

NSFW art and nudes allowed but not IRL sex acts

pays out through Paypal or Payoneer.

Ko-Fi:

built around one-off payments rather than recurring

nominally 0% cut, but some features (incl. donor exclusive posts, scheduling, changing colours) gated behind a 5% cut.

NSFW art very emphatically not allowed. (you can set a NSFW tag on your page which mostly seems to be a cover your ass thing if you post anything even slightly suggestive.)

pays out through Paypal or Stripe.

Pixiv Fanbox:

charges monthly.

closely tied to Pixiv, the big Japanese illustration site. so if you make anything anime adjacent this is the place to be.

seems like the company have been making a big push to court English and Chinese speakers lately, so the site is usable in English now.

10% cut. Only supports yen.

NSFW art allowed and a focus of the site; very little rule enforcement on Pixiv proper but might be more strict when payment is involved. No photos.

pays out through Paypal, or direct to a Japanese bank account.

Liberapay:

charges weekly.

selling point is that it lowers processing fees by batching payments as much as possible. i.e. you pay liberapay once in advance for all the people you’re subbed to, I think is the idea. also emphasises that these payments are just donations, they don’t carry any obligations with them.

no cut from Liberapy, est. <5% fee for payment processing.

NSFW allowed, with the warning that Liberapay can’t stop you being banned by a payment processor.

pays out through Paypal or Stripe.

looks promising if you know some like, software nerd type people who will nod appreciatively when the site starts talking about Free, Libre, Open. But inevitably the question is how many people are actually on there? Still if someone doesn’t care about donation incentives may be good to steer them there, it’s nice and minimalist.

Sponsus:

charges monthly.

calls itself a ‘worker-owned co-op’ but in practice seems to be a solo dev effort. small user base. has some nice features, including Discord integration. supposed to let you import stuff from Patreon.

unfortunately encountered some jank while trying to set up my page. tech support is joining a pretty small discord where like... conversation is a handful of people saying they’re still using it. will update this post if I get help but rn I think this is too bugged to be trustworthy.

7% cut.

NSFW art allowed, as long as it’s not “extreme and violent”. No photos.

pays out through Stripe.

conceptually I really wanted to like this one, but I just can’t recommend it.

sther:

this one came up as a potential rec in a twitter thread of patreon alternatives but it doesn’t seem to like... actually be anything more than one webpage right now? like there’s no where to sign up or anything, tested in chromium as well as firefox so it’s not just jank scripting.

so more of the idea of a thing? but if this is actually legit then...

charges monthly.

really overt social justicey marketing (“are you a woman, LGBTQ+, person of color, or ally? we want you!” ok back off mate) and unpronounceable name

claims no site fees until you earn at least $50/mo, thereafter a flat $5 fee; 5% transaction fee.

can’t find their NSFW policy, or indeed their anything policy

how do they pay out? it’s a mystery.

creator is pushing bitcoin on twitter lol.

like 50:50 on whether this is a scam or just a really naive person

OnlyFans:

charges monthly.

the current ‘only game in town’ for solo porn, not really used so much by illustrators, but I thought it’s interesting to compare.

20% cut. presumably because the main payment processors won’t play nice with sex work.

NSFW allowed. site made a move to ban sex workers but walked it back after outcry. they might try it again.

pays out through various types of bank transfer

cryptocurrency:

yeah no.

frankly looking at this field the best option seems to be to rely mostly on Patreon, and maybe keep Fanbox open to see if I can build a bit of interest in Japan.

[yoitscro]

HOMESTUCK RAMBLE

The most troubling thing about the Sarah Z situation is that everything felt like damage control, tactical intimidation, and knee-jerked censorship. Right off the cuff of Hussie’s patreon message*.

(*Does anyone ever notice how Hussie only talks to the fandom when some kind of trouble eventually boils over, usually pointing a finger in one direction, versus addressing things earlier or addressing things period? Such as him having the power to speak against the actual anti queer jargon toward his employees prior to them leaving when things got worse? Or him mentioning the concerns of HS2 that people only found out through word of mouth and were reasonably upset about, such as them getting rid of the content warnings, or the fact that Hiveswap Act 2 was released without credits?

Would certainly make me less irritated if I didn’t know that that message is probably going to be one of his only few that he chooses to write and not mention other things, such as the returned antagonism toward fans. 

But this is also the same guy who continues to write passive aggressive messages in his comic and game scripts that calls everyone else a loser for still being mad about the racism and ableism. (Seriously, Psycholonials is just a vague post in game form and it’s chaotic as fuck to do things like using riots (racially prominent a year ago) in the toned environment of 2020 as goofy plot points. I thought we were suppose to do BETTER after Skaia Net.)

Idc if he’s not apart of WP anymore. Even then, he certainly left a lot of baggage for other people to handle. It’s incredibly irresponsible.

Anyways.)

Those journals have existed forever. Whether right or wrong, they have. They’ve gone unaddressed despite being known for existing. A big name youtuber giving an auditory version that doesn’t take up all the video probably shouldn’t have been the reason that fans finally got some kind of answer, and it’s blatantly transparent that it was to protect the IP from having it’s name tarnished. As if Homestuck doesn’t already have issues that it refuses to acknowledge after a decade that everyone else has talked about.

I can imagine that some kind of NDA was keeping them from talking about Hiveswap to their kickstarter backers, but the convenience of that expiring once Sarah said something gives me an inkling that the people who’ve actually stuck around to support Homestuck could’ve heard sooner. Not to mention that before this big blowout, people just wanted to know that the game was being worked on period. There was actually no NDA preventing that communication.

People wonder why there’s such a rift between WP and the homestuck community, and it’s stuff like that. The fact that Hussie only comes down to address damage when it piles up to a breaking point, rather than earlier. The fact that if you have one criticism, friends or associates of the people who write their favorite characters will maul you in the name of whatever marginalized group they happen isolate you from.

And at the end of it all, it’s almost like some big, surface level moral, because no one cared 3 days after Sarah’s video. Everyone treated it like usual youtube commentary essays about troubling developments and moved on.

Instead, now, still, everyone cares about the fact that an opinion video about Homestuck was getting legal threats during 4/13. After years of a troubled relationship with it’s fandom, this was the last thing they needed to do. I’m trying to wrap my head around what the favorable outcome was here; to look GOOD?

I can’t even imagine what this stunt looks like to other studios and IP groups. I wonder if Homestuck is secretly blacklisted at this point because so much bad behavior has been normalized instead of having a healthy blend between criticism and sympathy.

BC again, a transphobic bigot sending death threats bc homestuck “isn’t what it use to be”, and responding to that rightfully, isn’t the same as someone thinking that more jarring post-canon content and execution of things like toblerone wishes suck some, and figureheads deciding to insult minors, stir character drama, and call other bulk criticisms from the queer community homophobic or transphobic. That in fact loses support, money, and causes infighting, actually.

I’ve never seen a fandom decline in stable activity as hard as 2019-2020 Homestuck.

This is the part where I say that my caliginous crush from wanting to see this IP improve itself flares up from time to time, but is starting to die down knowing that, unless there’s a massive overhaul on how things are run, things aren’t changing...seriously. There are things HS can do even without Viz Media’s overbearing presence, but it doesn’t want to. Starting a feud on your holiday wasn’t one of those things to do, maybe, actually.

I think it’s telling that it’s actually bad enough that I usually refrain from talking as much as I am now, because some part of me knows that some ex WP member, or a friend of one, is reading this and potentially sharing it in whatever snotty chat to once more emphasize how evil of a person I am for saying what everyone else is thinking, lmao.

I think that if anyone wants to pride themselves in not being “terminally online” and in fandom, they should refrain from putting their hands on a story that’s literally embedded and literally about it’s fandom. Go join a private discord instead, or try a different franchise. Maybe have some self awareness. Just a thought.

Anyways, the trust is tainted. The fallout has been followed by quiet, and the current members are reshaping the ground of this community before the weeds eventually rear their heads again.

[paro-art]

life update (but it’s all good news don’t worry)

lol I’m back on adhd med (I couldn’t renew for a long time oops), I couldn’t focus on school and now I wanna make so many comics and still can’t focus on school 😭

I wanna put more emphasis on comics from now on, because I’ve been writing more, so now I make scripts for long comics, and also I figured out CSP’s manga tools so it’s become more easy to make them. If I was good enough with English, I would have made so many fanfictions in an alternate reality, but I’m also a big cinema nerd and a 2D animation student (but it’s a long process) so comic has always been my favourite medium of storytelling. I did so much comics in my first hetalia years but they were just not presentable so I never posted them. I have three projects in mind: 

-this france and canada comic which is supposed to be a festival of francophone pop culture references. Although I have the story planned, I was stupid enough to not write the dialogs in a document first so it might take a while, but I plan on finishing it. 

-the sci-fi comic, my big passion project. it’s still in the writing process but the first part is solid enough to draw it. 

-Canada side blog comics, although it has the URL of an ask blog and I plan on taking questions, it will mostly be a collection of comics about the history and culture of Canada, featuring province personifications.   

I also wanna try to be more active on Tumblr again and reply to asks more, also maybe try to interact more with people here and make collabs, I’m just very shy and don't have a lot of mental energy all the time. 

Finally, I’d like to make a patreon. I struggle so much with commissions and keeping contact with people ( for those who know, I often forget about DMing the commissioner for many weeks ) but if it’s just my little stuff then there’s not that problem. 

When I think of my future, I would like to be a manga/comic artist or a showrunner. I already have some ideas in mind for original stories. I never regretted being in this fandom that gave me the will to research and learn about history, politics, this world. Despites the low moments, it gave me so much and I met so many amazing people that made me grow as a person. So I’m not going anytime soon, I’m here to stick for a long way :)

thank you for your support. 

xoxo, Paro

[dracota]

Ah yes! Hello there little pointless!fluff!bunny how are you this fine…. No. Bad little fluff! No plot other then fluff is not in the- the fuck do you mean your a graphic novel or web comic idea?!?

It’s a very nice idea but for fucks sake could it have been something I can draw? And easily at that? No?

I swear to god if I actually get past the scripting I will make this the most hack & slash comic ever. Cut+paste images wherever possible.

Backgrounds? Photos I will take and doctor so badly that they could sue for malpractice.

Cool fantasy items? Also photos. But I might actually buy or make the items in miniature so I can take as many photos as possible.

I might just get some posable wooden art dudes and buy doll clothes for them and take pictures of them too!

Can I afford this? Of course not! But I do have 2 posable wooden dudes I could experiment with. I wonder if Barbie clothes will fit them? My carpel tunnel won’t let me hand see and my machine can’t work that tiny. There are a lot of nice things on Etsy tho…. And it would be good practice for the body horror stories.

I wonder if I can find chubby wooden dudes because I would rather not add customization of them to my fast growing to-do list.

The worst problem will be posting this all after it’s made so there is are stable updates.

I’ll also need to know what the image size & quality should be. Plus where to post it. I’ll probably put it on my patreon if they haven’t gone n-fail-t by then. With secondary site being…. Hell if I know.

How did I do this to myself? This was supposed to talk me Out of this idea.

[heyyyharry]

Harry asks Bambi to read a book to him (My Girl blurb x In Another Life)

I found this on Patreon and realised I hadn’t posted this on Tumblr. I posted a sneak peek in April and never posted the whole thing and nobody reminded me 🤡 

Word count: 1.5k

Harry is casted for a movie adaptation of a book, but he’s been too busy to read it and the deadline’s tomorrow and he’s exhausted and can’t find the audiobook, so Bambi ends up reading it to him.

.

.

.

“So you haven’t done your homework and now I have to do it?” She dropped the book to her stomach, glaring at him. He was paid to read a book; she wished her job was that interesting.

“I’m playing the main character,” he had explained. “I was supposed to read this during the weekend but I’ve been too busy, and the deadline is tomorrow but I can’t find the audiobook.”

“Then read it yourself. It’s not that long.” Not to brag but she’d read books twice as long in one night. He’d be fine.

“I haven’t slept for almost two days,” he had said. “If I read now, I’ll fall asleep.” It was true, though. He could fall asleep anywhere anytime if he was too tired. It was a gift and a curse at the same time.

Now he was lying on his side, an arm folded under his head, lazy green eyes boring into her as he pouted. “I used to help you with your homework, kid.”

“It’s not even the same thing,” she said, shaking the book above his face. “I have to read all of this tonight. Out loud.”

He flipped onto his stomach and clasped his hands in front of his nose — puppy dog mode activated. “Please, baby, please. I’ll be good," he pleaded. "I’ll do anything you say. Just help me this once.”

“Manipulative.” She weakly slapped his cheek, a smirk tugging at her lips, then she stared at the ceiling and groaned loudly. “Fineeee. I’ll do it.”

“Yay!” He clapped like a seal and drew her closer, kissing her jawline. “Tomorrow I’ll do anything you say. I promise.”

“Psst, I don’t need your promises. You always do everything I say. Often more.”

“Best boyfriend ever.”

She sneered at his own praise and circled her arm, which he lay his head on, around his neck to hold up the book. “This feels like reading a bedtime story to a kid,” she laughed as he nuzzled her chest.

“I’m a kid.” He grinned up at her.

“So you get to call me ‘kid’ every day and when you want to be spoiled you’re suddenly a kid?”

He shushed her with a finger to her lips and said, “Save your voice, baby.”

She shook her head as he snuck a hand under her shirt — his shirt — and cupped her breast. He always did that when he was bored. It didn’t have to be sexual; he simply loved fondling her breasts.

“Start now, Audiobook,” he commanded.

She sighed, flipped the page and cleared her throat as she began. “Chapter 1. The Painting…

“They said in London, you were never far from a museum…”

.

.

.

“Oh my God, I got it, I got it!” Harry grabbed her arm, shaking slightly so she would stop reading and look at him.

She’d thought he’d already read the script. As it turned out, he’d only received the script for the first few scenes. The director wanted the cast to read the actual book and visualised what happened next using their own creativity. Harry would stop her after every chapter to tell her something she’d already figured it out, and she never complained because he looked like an excited puppy.

He glanced up, chin on her arm, giving her a discovering kind of smile. “My guess is that Edward was the one who killed Ann. She’d trusted him but he’d chosen his throne over her. So she put a curse on him so he’d know what it’s like to lose her over and over again. They fall in love in every lifetime, and he never actually has her. He’ll never have her again.” Then, his face turned wondering. “Would you have done that to me back then if you were a witch?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m not a witch.”

His lips stretched wide as he pinched her chin. “Answer the question, kid.”

“I wouldn’t.” She shook her head assertively. “Which is why I think you’re wrong. Either Edward wasn’t the one who killed Ann, or she wasn’t the one who put the curse on them, or both. I wouldn’t want to die over and over again for someone who doesn’t love me.”

“But I loved you back then,” he whispered and pressed his nose into her cheek. “I always have.”

“I didn’t know back then, so it didn’t count.” She stuck up her chin, eyes narrowed at him.

He grinned. “That’s why I have to tell you I love you every five minutes to make up for it. I’m romantic as hell but you call me annoying.”

“You’re a little bit annoying,” she said with a matter-of-fact tone. “Annoying people make their girlfriends read a whole book to them.” She shook the book above their faces, which made him cackle.

“You’re not nice to me so don’t expect me to be nice to you.” He tickled her nipple and she smacked his arm, but it was more like a playful push.

“Now shut up so I can continue.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His dimples reappeared.

When they reached half of the book, they took a short break. Harry had to pee and she had to drink water, her throat was itchy as hell. When they returned to the bed and made themselves comfortable – she lied on her back, holding the book above her chest as he curled up next to her, head on her arm – she cleared her throat and started reading again, her voice noticeably croaky.

He twirled a strand of her hair around his finger and tugged gently to get her attention.

“You know the rule, H,” she said without looking at him. “You have to wait for me to finish before you comment.”

“I actually want to say that you don’t have to continue.”

Her gaze jumped to his face. “Are you tired already?” she asked, slightly perplexed.

“No, but you are.”

“I’m not.”

“You’ll have a sore throat tomorrow because of me, babe.”

“Then so be it,” she huffed stubbornly. “I have to know how this ends. We’re not quitters, Harry Edward Styles.”

“You’re not. I am.”

“No, you’re not. My boyfriend is not a quitter.”

He giggled as she leaned down to kiss his forehead before laying her head back so she could continue where they’d left off.

At chapter five, the main characters finally kissed. She and Harry started cheering like they were watching it on the kiss cam at a sporting event.

At chapter seven, she had to stop halfway to release a long frustrated breath. The antagonist Lillie/Emilié kept getting in the way of the main characters. She felt like Emilié could be Ruby in another life; the thought made her skin crawl.

“Edward is an asshole,” Harry scoffed as she flipped the page to chapter eight.

“No, he’s not,” she argued. “He loves her. It was different back then. A prince had to marry a princess.”

“If I were him, I’d grow some balls and run away with Ann.”

She didn’t comment, only gave him a fond smile and continued.

At chapter eight, shit hit the fan. She completely forgot the fact that she was reading the story out loud. She couldn’t look away from the page or stop for a water break even when her throat was achingly dry. She had to know how this ended.

“Holy shit, I was right! I was right!” She jolted upright when the big secret was revealed and accidentally hit Harry’s head with her elbow. He groaned like a sad puppy and she apologised, rubbing the sore spot on his head.

By the time they finished the book, a new day had begun. She gulped her water, put the empty glass on the nightstand and flopped back down on the bed, lying head to head with him. Instead of going to sleep so he wouldn’t look weary on his first day on set, they lay wide awake and discussed the story. They were satisfied with the ending, though Harry felt so bad for the dead character he’d almost cried at that part. Maybe she should stop telling him to watch Game of Thrones.

“One last thing,” she said as he turned off the light. Her eyes were barely used to the dark so she could only feel him snuggle closer to her, almost resting half of his body on top of hers, one hand under her shirt.

“Don’t fall in love with the actress who plays Ann like you did with the character.”

“Bambi.” He shook with quiet laughter. His voice was barely above a whisper as he replied, “I imagined you as Ann. I can’t fall in love with a different face.”

“Then don’t imagine my face when you kiss the fake Ann,” she giggled.

When he hmmmed, she could hear the smirk in his voice. “You know I never imagine your face during my kissing scenes. I only want to feel that magic when I’m really with you.”

Then, it was quiet again; he’d drifted off as soon as he finished. In his sleep, he kept asking if she wanted to run away with him.

[cats-artbag]

.:From story to thumbnail (SwapOut):.

@eaudecrow​ @chatxkilluaxnoir​

I’m so sorry I’m getting to these so late, my brain wanted to organize the thoughts regarding to this topic first, but I decided to start typing it out and will try my best to explain my process to you!

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I had an idea one day which was something like “US!Pap dressing up as UT!Pap” that became “A skelebro impersonating the other”, which resulted in this phone doodle in April 2016 (and then later considered a sans version)

Then I wanted to make it into a story, so I began to think of some sort of a beginning, and an end, which are kinda easier to think of than the middle part. In fact I’m probably still thinking of how to make the middle better haha

I knew from the start that I wanted to do a crossover between Underswap and Undertale, and have a skelebro from one universe impersonate the other. And for trippy, inter-universal travel to happen, I had to think of a reason for Swap to activate his time machine, which is usually a last resort.

So here I figured out and established a setting that I wanted to start off in:

Starts in Genocide route in UnderSwap/Undertale where Frisk/Chara doesn’t return. US!Papyrus lost his US!Sans to Frisk. He killed them but now he's moping around, waiting for them to RESET... but nobody came. (Well... he did say if Frisk truly was their friend, they wouldn't come back.) There's no RESET. US!Sans never comes back home. No one does.

Which left me with this summary for the story:

“US!Papyrus snaps in his timeline and accidentally travels to UT where he ______.”

At this point I didn’t know how I’d end it, but I knew I’d loosely follow a route in Undertale where he’d end up [REDACTED], so it wasn’t like I was working completely from scratch in the first place for this story. I was never good at making things up from scratch, so working off of something that already exists i.e. doing fanart makes it easier. At the same time, I didn’t want to be unoriginal, which is hard haha ;;

Since he was going to the classic UT universe, I knew he’d have to interact with the characters there along the way before he finally reached the end.

So while keeping all that in mind, I finished typing a first draft of the entire story.

Yes, I typed the ENTIRE script for the comic before I started drawing anything.

Which, honestly? ...I think you’re supposed to do??

But when you’re young and just starting off comics, it’s easy to be impatient and to want to just work off the top of your head as you draw your comic...

I literally can’t do that though, as proven by my old comics that I never got around to drawing more than 2 pages of before I didn’t know where I was going. It’s also why I’m terrified of attempting the kinds of tumblr comics that swerve based on asks from people haha! I really admire the people who are able to do so.

I actually typed all these early thoughts here when I posted the first SwapOut page

Anyway after typing the first draft of the script, I finally let myself start the thumbnails. My script was divided into how much I thought would fit in a comic page as I typed, so I drew a thumbnail based on each divided section.

For example :

(these thumbnails are usually posted in the $2 tier on my patreon!)

The way I type my scripts is not standard at all, so if I know how I’ll draw them, I type their actions with their dialogue mashed together x’D But usually I’ll just type the dialogue by itself and keep going, spacing them out for each page. Also it’s good to arrange them so it helps the page flow naturally reading from left to right. (same with drawing as well!)

After that, I kinda use the thumbnail directly as a sketch nowadays (cos i’m a lazybones) and go straight into doing lines (or a more detailed sketch if the thumbnail is too rough/vague)

And that’s pretty much it! It took me a while to choose a page for an example haha but I think this is one of my favourites

As for Chapter 5, all the new pages were actually the scenes with Swap blasting his blaster! They weren’t originally planned in the script but I wanted to add more to the comic rather than him just enter the void and get out haha

I think a page probably takes me two days if I already have the thumbnail ready and I’m working on it straight without breaks, but I’ve been doing more of those which honestly makes my life on this a little easier (less grumpy and more relaxed yes please)

Again sorry this took so long to reply to! I’m also thinking of doing a more detailed tutorial thing for my Patreon but I feel like I already explained most of it here haha ;; Maybe more red flow line examples of my pages? idk

Asks are always welcome! I just suck at replying to them aha ;;

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Connie and Carla

I know nothing about this film requested by Chad other than the following facts: It was Nia Vardalos’s follow-up to the indie smash hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and it was universally reviled by audiences and critics alike. So I’m in for a fun afternoon! The plot is your basic Some Like It Hot ripoff - Connie (Vardalos) and Carla (Toni Collette) are childhood best friends who have spent their whole lives performing together, believing they are destined for musical theater greatness. After witnessing a murder, they go on the run and hide out in the last place anyone would think to look for them - as women pretending to be men pretending to be women, aka performers in a drag queen bar in L.A. Everything’s going great until a BOY shows up (David Duchovny), and Connie falls for him. Gender gags, musical theater numbers, mistaken identify, Russian mobsters, hijinks - yeah, we’ve all drunk this cocktail before. So was this top shelf, or something found in a plastic jug at the gas station? Well...

How about a mid-level ridiculous flavored vodka? Like Pinnacle Whipped Cream or something. The film’s conceptions of gender (and of straight women’s feelings of entitlement to what should be LGBTQ spaces) are not my favorite. But its heart is in the right place and overall this leads to something pretty fun and charming, especially if you happen to love musical theater.

Some thoughts:

If there were an airport lounge where I could watch two sad 30-somethings singing a medley of musical theater’s greatest hits, I would go there every day. I wouldn’t even book a flight, that would just be my favorite bar. I think I would go broke driving to the airport every day and buying drinks in this lounge. I’d have my birthday party there. 

Oh I love Greg Gruenberg in a bit part as the cheesy celebrity bus tour guide in L.A. 

Hello David Duchovny as Jeff! He was my first celebrity crush, and his aw shucks nice guy thing in this movie is really working for me. 

This is wildly offensive to drag queens not because of stereotypes, but because no drag act would ever come so ill-prepared with a Rocky Horror number. I recognize that in 2004 we didn’t have over a decade of RuPaul’s Drag Race under our belts, but c’mon, even the most sheltered Midwestern queer would come with something better than this. 

Is this supposed to be some kind of feminist statement about beauty standards in L.A.? This anti-botox rant Connie and Carla go on, and the makeover of the woman in the salon - no no no, straight hair and beige lipstick is Bad but curly hair and lip liner is Good. It feels confusing that we’re supposed to see this as empowering when we’re just trading one commodified flavor of femininity for another. 

There’s something that just feels deeply wrong about these women taking one of the only paying drag gigs in town, particularly when actual drag performers come to them and beg them to open up their act to include other drag queens. Note that they all offer up tangible skills - I can sew a dress in 3 hours, I can do incredible makeup, I’ve got great choreography. Yes Connie and Carla can sing, but drag is meant to be performative - the artifice is part of what makes it an art form. Smarter queer people than me have written about this, but even for the uneducated, there’s something about this concept that feels off, wrong and exploitative, and deeply rooted in straight privilege. It’s the same icky feeling I get at the gay bar when all the seats for the drag show are taken up by straight women’s bachelorette parties, while actual queer women and men who came to see the show are pushed to standing room. 

Ok, I do kind of love these interludes with Tibor (Boris McGiver) looking for the girls in every dinner theater and Broadway show in the country and the only show playing is Mame every time. Fun fact - McGiver’s father actually starred in the 1974 version of Mame!

Feels a little weird that Connie is the one who is explaining to Jeff why drag queens “like to dress up.” Is this being an ally or just erasing and talking over queer folks’ experiences? This is what I mean when I say it feels off - I don’t think it’s malicious, but the way the film handles queer stories feels like a dismissal, an invalidation. Like these straight women can do queer camp better than these gay men. 

Did Carla literally just say “I need to get out of this closet”????

Connie is literally the worst at maintaining a cover. The trappings of fame are proving too alluring! 

As far as performances go, Collette and Vardalos have great chemistry, and Duchovny is being pretty dreamy as the romantic lead who’s around because he’s trying to reconnect with his estranged brother, Robert (Stephen Spinella). Nobody is winning an acting award for this, but Collette especially is a lot of bubbly fun.

Jeff is a difficult character to grapple with. On the one hand, he doesn’t always handle Robert’s sexuality with grace or compassion, and that can be difficult to watch as a queer person because we all have experienced that same kind of look, that tone of “why can’t you just be normal?” However, he’s putting in an honest effort to grow, and I think that should count for something. Also he straight up gets sexually assaulted by Connie, so I don’t blame him for having a hard time feeling comfortable around the drag queen scene. And that’s another fucked up thing, just adding to the “gay men are predatory and will put the moves on straight guys at the first chance” stereotype. 

Even though it sounds cringey as hell when he says it, I’m sure it is probably cathartic for any gay kid who stumbles across this movie and hears Jeff make his big speech about “I should have just loved you and accepted you and not cared about the fact that you wear dresses.” That’s what I mean when I say the script seems to have its heart in the right place even though the way it’s expressing a lot of these ideas just reinforces the status quo rather than interrogating it, or propping up the stories of people who live outside that status quo.

My god, do I love Debbie Reynolds in this head-to-toe red glitter number.

Yeah I don’t think all these queens would take this kindly to being lied to and having their act infiltrated by a couple of straight women. Like this feels laughably “all’s well that ends well.” 

Did I Cry? Ok, a tear slipped out when Jeff and Robert hugged for the first time. 

This was a very interesting watch. I know I seem to be dragging this shit out of this movie, but I actually largely enjoyed the experience of watching it. It’s got a very 2004-esque view of some complex gender and sexuality issues (and wouldn’t it have been so much more interesting if a queer person had written this and was able to use it to interrogate issues of femininity and its performance as it relates to queerness?). BUT, honestly, the whole thing is Shakespearean in its plot and its broad strokes characters. You’ve got crossdressing, mistaken identity, some light gay panic, long lost brothers reuniting - all that’s missing is a Duke and a forest setting, and you’ve got half of Shakespeare’s comedies right there. And much like Shakespeare, there’s nothing here that hasn’t been done before - it’s the medium parts of Some Like It Hot, the general plot of Sister Act (swap nuns for drag queens), the gender panic of every cross-dressing movie. All very surface-level stuff but there’s a reason these same kind of stories have been putting butts in seats for 400 years. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[maximumninjavoid]

Mining for Unobtanium ch 26

Is it 26? or 27? I don’t even recall anymore.... If Ive mis-numbered it, feck it.

Un beta’d we die like fresh veg under the unrelenting eye of Gordon Ramsey.

18 and over Puh Leeze, sex and adult themes and things. Lots of THINGS

I wanted to get to the house before he did and hoped he wouldn't give chase. I was going to try my best to remember what I required of those who had served me in the past, and replicate it. I tore through the door, toeing off my shoes and hanging up my jacket. I grabbed a Rosemary water from the fridge and found the appropriate glass. The house looked presentable, I ran my hands through my hair, and tilted the glass just so and started to pour. I could hear him coming up the steps. I slid to my knees ( Oh I was going to pay for THAT little flourish), sat on my heels, head down, glass above my head, balanced just so, and as he opened the door, there I was kneeling, with a well presented very chilled glass of what I knew to be his favorite beverage. I said nothing. I just waited. And I was out of practice and it fucking hurt. "What's this, then?" " welcome back, Sir. I thought you might be thirsty. " He took the glass and once he did, I could lower my arms. I didn't stand. "Shall I take your shoes first, or your coat? Forgive me but I have forgotten your preference. It won't happen again." He looked at me and I thought I saw him smile. "Coat, please." As God is my witness, I wanted to get up smoothly, gracefully, like I did during the Renaissance. But that was long ago, and bless his heart, he didn't laugh at me as I'm certain I was as agile as a baby giraffe. I did stand however, with no groaning, removed his coat, hung it up. " Will there be anything else at the moment, Sir? " " I have some scripts to read. " "Of course. Would you like those in here, or in your study? Some music while you read? And how would you prefer me? Within reach, or out of your hair, Sir?" " Oh, you're good. Quite good. " " If it pleases Daddy, how do the Americans say, it ain't my first rodeo. Did you decide where you'd like me to bring your scripts? " Truth is, I was good. And he wasn't going to catch me out. I was all about anticipatory service, and paying attention. I knew that he liked music when he read, and I knew very well what kind. I knew he'd want something to snack on and I knew it wasn't cheat day. I knew this might take a chunk of the day, and I knew he'd want to play some as well. "Here is fine. Make yourself comfortable." Big smile and a kiss on the cheek as I passed " Thank you so much, Daddy. I will! " I gathered up his scripts, pens, notepads, post it flags, highlighters , his cell phone and a pair of my cheaters in case his eyes got tired and stripped off my clothes and folded them and put them up. I brushed my teeth quickly, fixed my hair, and came back with his things, nude. I handed him the scripts, placed the rest of the items within easy reach and put on some light jazz. I turned to face him. I looked at him coyly. " Did you decide if you want company? " "Do you have anything you need to do?" " My focus is to make your life better and easier in any way I can, Daddy. That's one of the things good girls do for their Daddies. " He knit his eyebrows together in thought ,picked up a script and motioned for me to come sit by him. I put a throw from the couch on the floor and sat at his feet with my head on his knee. One hand in my hair we sat for a while, until I noticed his glass was almost empty. " Shall I bring you another and something to nibble on? It won't take but a minute. If you have any preferences for dinner that would be a blessing at this time..... ". I started to rise. He looked at his watch, and said he was a little peckish, would love another rosemary water, and beef for dinner sounded lovely. I nodded, and walked backward away from him so as not to present a potentially offensive sight. I returned in a few minutes having found the beef and began defrosting it, set up my mise en place for preparing it , checked my timing, prepared a plate of trainer approved snacks an slid those under one hand and the cold glass right beside the other. "Did you wish for me to feed you love?" He rolled his eyes at me. " You're daft is what you are. " " If you say so, Sir then I must be. I do love taking care of you and I do love to feel needed. If I can anticipate what you want BEFORE you have had to ask for it, well, that's a feather in my cap, not only for me but to the people I come from. The more skills I acquire, the greater my value to an individual or a family. In addition to being a very good girl, I am trained in other capacities. Organization skills, small and large scale. Damage control, spin doctoring, cooking, party planning, I can type over 95 words a minute, am an expert at most office software except Excel, I can build a computer, but I don't look NEARLY as good as you do doing it, I'm licensed to carry a firearm in 38 states in the US, I can provide personal security, image management, personal shopping, makeovers, defensive driving, early childhood education, I'm a licensed counselor, sober companion well versed in small and large scale logistics, and dogs and kids adore me. " Henry just sat there with the tray, and  his mouth open. " If it pleases you, Daddy, you may want to close your mouth". I returned to my spot on the floor. Henry returned to script reading, occasionally looking askance at me, while he played with my hair and ran his fingers over my skin. I was getting ideas, but it was not my place. He said " I had heard that there were slaves that people actually bought and sold, no, no, not that, but spotters, and trainers, and very expensive, specialized, really. " I looked up at him, trying very hard to *fix my face*. "I'm terrible at time mathematics. Would you happen to know what time it is in the states, and may I make a call?" " Sure darling, of course you can, and it's about nine in the morning there. " I got up, found my phone and hit a button on my favorites. It rang twice. "Hello darling!" " Hey yourself how are you? " " Well, I'm working on the Patreon, doing podcasts, live readings every night. We've missed you in the Plague Players... " " Oh God, I've missed everyone too. Please give them my love. I can't quite get the hang of where I'm supposed to be when. How's your Karen? " "She's great, work is going really well, but I know you didn't call this early to kibbitz" " I hate to ask. I need a small favor. " "Sure. What do you need?" " I have a friend, his name is Henry. I'm going to put him on the phone. Could you please explain to him that you wrote The Marketplace, and that it doesn't actually exist? " 

@whyyoudothistomecavill​ since you asked SO nicely.... here. Let me wreck your day

[wingsonghalo]

Only You: A TeruMob Fanfic

OKAY SO. You probably were not expecting me to post anything for TeruMob Week 2020. But I didn’t want it to go by without doing anything, because I still love them with all my heart and always will. So I dusted off this old thing that I never posted. It’s actually the first thing I ever started writing for the fandom--the first few paragraphs are scrawled out in pencil, buried in one of my planning notebooks. I never felt confident enough about it to post it, but a few lovely people (looking at you, Toasty, Jaz, and Stormy!) enjoyed it back then, so why not give it to the world now?

Please consider this as a late post for Day 3 (Confession/Smile) or an early one for Day 6 (First Kiss/Comfort) LOL. It works for either so it’s being posted between them... also I just wanted to post it today...

Title: Only You Fandom: Mob Psycho 100 Pairing: Teru/Mob Wordcount: 5,786 Rating: G Summary: Mob gets a confession letter in his locker, but can't quite wrap his head around who could have sent it to him. Meanwhile, Teru waits on the rooftop like a dummy regretting everything. Posted for TeruMob Week 2020! Also available on: Ao3 Support me on: Patreon | Ko-fi

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Only You

Though it technically wasn't the first time it had happened, Mob was still baffled when he opened his shoe locker and a small red envelope met his eyes.

At this point, he refused to let his heart start bouncing around in his chest over what was obviously a prank. High school had been kinder to him thus far than middle school, but it wasn't as if he had stopped being an easy target, still being so quiet and blank-faced.

(He still opened the envelope, though.)

The lined paper was crisp and folded into thirds. The handwriting was tidy—so tidy it looked like the written equivalent of someone reading from a script. Mob ran his fingers over some of the kanji. It smudged. Real writing, then. Curious, he finally let his eyes scan the careful words.

Kageyama,

I know this will come as something of a shock to you... or maybe it won't, I'm not sure. Either way, I didn't want to deny how I felt about you anymore. So here it is: You are extraordinary. The most amazing person I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine life without you in it. I've had my eye on you since we were both in middle school, and as you and I grew as people, so too did my feelings for you. I expect you'll have a lot of questions to ask me, so please meet me on the roof after school. I'll try to explain as best I can.

Love Yours, T

Mob squinted at the scribbled-out word in the closing, apparently the only mistake the writer had made. It looked an awful lot like "love," though he supposed it might also have been lava or tone. Those didn't make much sense, but neither did someone ending a note to him with "love." Well, except his mother, maybe.

He ruminated next on how this person had chosen to sign their note: a simple 'T.' Unfortunately, there were a fair number of people in Shigeo's life whose names began with 'T.' The first person to come to mind was Tsubomi. Some reluctant part of himself that refused to entirely let go fluttered restlessly in his belly, but he pushed it aside. Tsubomi was his friend, she went to a different school across town, and she had a girlfriend now, about whom she often chatted dotingly on phone calls with Mob. It always filled him with a sort of longing and jealousy—not for Tsubomi; he had long since given up that hopeless pursuit—but for the way she could adore another person so openly and have that love returned. Mob wanted that, too.

His next thought was Tome. Mob forced down the disbelieving laugh at that. The only one Tome had ever confessed love to was her autographed copy of Encounters With Our Galactic Neighbors: a First Person Account of Alien Contact.

Takenaka's name started with T, but he definitely wouldn't know where Mob's shoe locker was. Also, he'd never write this kind of thing, ever.

That left...

The warmth that pooled in his stomach and bloomed across his cheeks was not a new phenomenon, but its cause was still disconcerting.

In truth, he wasn't quite sure how he felt about Hanazawa. He was a loyal friend, a reliable combat partner, and a very effective shopping assistant. Mob appreciated the blond's easy smile, his helpful attitude, and his colorful sweaters.

But recently, he'd started to appreciate other things. Things like the way his smile always quirked over to one side when their eyes met, or how he'd nudge their shoulders together when they walked close, or how it had felt that one time that Hanazawa had run his fingers through Shigeo's hair and commented on how soft it was. He'd been secretly hoping that would happen again ever since, which was strange, because he'd never really wanted anyone to touch him before. Mob supposed this might just be what it was like to have a very close friend. It was still quite new to him, after all.

So then if his feelings only went as far as that, why was his stomach doing flip-flops at the thought of Hanazawa writing him a love letter?

His feet led him automatically to his first class and his seat near the back of the room. He opened his textbook to the assigned page on the board, but he zoned out as usual during the lecture, staring out the window and resting his cheek in one hand.

The feeling he was having was hard to identify. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't really pleasant either. It was nervous, anxious, like something simmering quietly in his belly, but which had the potential to explode if shaken up too much.

Was he scared of the letter writer being Hanazawa? Was he dreading the idea? He shook his head to himself. Dread wasn't the right word. It was far too negative. No matter what Hanazawa might feel towards him, Mob would find it hard to think negatively of him now after all they'd been through. Mob would still want to be near him even if feelings got mixed up, he was sure of it.

Did the idea of Hanazawa liking him disgust him? No, that wasn't right either. He could never be disgusted with him. He'd be confused, sure, as Hanazawa was rather infamous for dating every girl in a 5-kilometer radius of his school, but not disgusted.

Then... did it make him happy?

Shigeo grabbed the eraser he had accidentally started to levitate, holding it down under his fingers and staring at the grain of his desk. He thought hard about what he was feeling. The lightness in his chest. The tension in his belly. The flip-floppy feeling. Was that happiness? Or was it mere anxiety?

(Dimple would probably say it was gas, but Mob was pretty sure that wasn't it.)

And what if he was completely off-track? What if someone completely different had written the letter? What if it was another prank?

His heart sank in his chest like a stone. That would be terrible. At least his feelings on that were easy to figure out. But the more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed. Mob hadn't done anything to distinguish himself since getting to high school. He was in the Body Improvement Club, as his upperclassmen had started the club up again when they'd reached high school, and he still visited Master Reigen and Serizawa frequently, but neither of those things had ever really made him popular or well-known. Probably the thing he stood out most for was stumbling to his feet in a panic whenever his teachers yelled at him for sleeping in class.

By the end of the class period, Mob was convinced of three things:

1) The note was most likely another prank,

2) He would still somehow feel disappointed to discover that it was, and

3) He would be most disappointed of all if it turned out to be real and Hanazawa hadn’t written it.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by, and Mob existed more in his own head than in any physical space. He drifted from class to class like a ghost, unnoticed by everyone and having little impact on anything. It was something he was very good at.

This was another reason it was strange that anyone would write him a letter like this, he thought as he opened his locker again at the end of the day. Someone picking him, Shigeo Kageyama, out of all the people in the school—or all the people in multiple schools, for all he knew—and singling him out as being extraordinary and amazing? It had to be a joke. Didn’t it? But then, did anyone even care enough about him to put that much effort into bullying him? Most people just kind of let their eyes slide past him, like he was a setpiece that had been there for so long that nobody noticed it anymore. And when they did notice him and talk to him, they were usually pretty nice.

He couldn’t reconcile it in his head—the explanation that made the most sense was that the letter was real. But yet why would it be?

And furthermore, he wondered as he took out the note again and traced over the writing with careful fingertips, why would it be Hanazawa that had written it?

Mob wracked his brain, trying to recall anything in Hanazawa’s behavior that might give him the idea that he felt that way about him. As far as he could remember, his esper friend was nice, handsome, polite, funny, and popular with everyone. He didn’t really treat Shigeo any differently, did he?…

A memory of two weeks ago surfaced in his mind. Hanazawa had held his hand crossing the street. Mob had thanked him for it, because Mob did tend to space out when he walked home and it was very kind of Hanazawa to think about his safety like that, and Hanazawa had just flushed pink and dropped his hand and said “Of course, you know I’m always thinking about safety!”

He was considerate like that.

On another occasion, he’d offered his umbrella on a day Shigeo had forgotten his. They’d shared it. It had been nice. Shigeo had liked seeing the way his eyes would crinkle when he laughed, and the way he had smelled like grapefruits. But Hanazawa was so nice that he would probably share an umbrella with anyone who needed it, wouldn’t he?

There had also been that time at Tome’s birthday party a year ago. They had all played Truth or Dare. Mob had picked Truth, and when asked which of his friends he would kiss if he had to kiss one of them, he had said “Hanazawa” without hesitation. Amid all the squeals and whoops he had added, “I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s the only one who knows how.” This had led to everyone else present chanting “Do it! Do it! Do it!” and Shigeo had looked at Hanazawa and shrugged because the idea wasn’t terrible, after all, and if it would make everyone happy, why not?

But Hanazawa had just gone beet-red and proclaimed “Don’t be silly; he picked Truth, not Dare! Kageyama doesn’t have to kiss anyone!” and that had been the end of that. Tome had patted Mob like he needed consolation about it. But Mob hadn’t been disappointed. He’d just been impressed that Hanazawa could so effectively shut down peer pressure. It was something Mob would like to be better at.

Surely if Hanazawa had feelings for him he would have taken the opportunity to kiss him, wouldn’t he? Then again, it had been in front of other people. Hanazawa liked to say he had some class, and Mob doubted that classy individuals kissed anyone in front of others just because they had been told to do so.

(Briefly, he wondered what it would have been like to kiss Hanazawa, but all that ensued from that thought was a bunch of mental static: chaotic, impossible to parse, and frustrating to listen to.)

Finally, he remembered something that made his heartbeat stutter.

It had been the first time Mob had ever spent the night at Hanazawa’s apartment. They’d gotten all settled in, Mob on the futon on the floor and Hanazawa in his bed, and then Hanazawa’s voice had filled the quiet.

“You know, you’re the only person I’ve ever had over for the night,” he’d said.

“Really?” Shigeo had responded, surprised. “Well, that’s all right. You’re very popular. I’m sure you’ll have lots of friends over.”

“No,” Hanazawa had said, his voice suddenly more alert. “That’s okay. I like that it’s only you.”

I like that it’s only you.

Shigeo’s cheeks heated up at the recollection. Maybe Hanazawa did feel something for him after all?…

Or perhaps there was some kind of new April Fool’s holiday that took place in December now.

Mob lingered by the stairs to the roof for a while, lost in thought like he had been for much of the day. He’d never considered all these things about Hanazawa at once before. Thoughts of Hanazawa usually came without warning at frequent intervals, making Mob feel warm inside for a moment and then quickly passing by. But when he gathered all these memories together, really looked at them closely, he had a hard time letting the thoughts slip away. There were things he’d never noticed before in these recollections. Emotions that had burst into bloom in his heart and then dropped off the stem before he could really tell what sort of flower they were. He wanted to think more about all the times Hanazawa had smiled at him in that particular way that made Mob feel like there was popcorn bursting in his chest. He wanted to ruminate on why it felt so good to be close to him. He wanted to lose himself in the memory of Hanazawa telling him that there were things he did that were only for Shigeo.

Then again, there was a very good chance Hanazawa was not up there on the roof. The realization felt dark and unpleasant in his gut, like sticky tar. Mob didn’t want to think about that too much.

He decided he would never know for sure if he didn’t go to the roof.

He was half an hour late by now. Maybe whoever had written the note had already gone home, if they existed at all. Mob felt his anxiousness building with every step he took up the stairwell.

His heart thudded in his chest as he turned the doorknob, and he shielded his eyes from the afternoon light as the door swung open.

*** Teruki Hanazawa regretted everything, which at this point was practically his own personal art form.

For the past few years, he had been falling helplessly in love with someone to whom he could never seem to express his feelings. It had been frustrating, agonizing, devastating, and also definitely the best thing to ever happen to him.

He’d tried dropping hints, both small and large. He’d tried buying him gifts, and holding his hand, and singing very transparent songs at karaoke. Nothing seemed to get through to him.

So he’d written a letter.

It hadn’t contained all his feelings. That would have taken an entire book. It had just been the bare minimum. A plea for Kageyama to just let Teru explain how much he meant to him.

The thing was, even though he’d called Kageyama here to this damn rooftop, he wasn’t sure what exactly to say.

Maybe he’d take one look at his precious face and all the words would spill out. I’m in love with you. You changed my life. I will never be worthy of you but I’d like to try to be.

But it seemed more likely that he would catch a glimpse of him and immediately babble out Wow, I don’t know how I wound up here! Please would you help me get down?

This was stupid. It was a stupid idea and a stupid letter and Teru’s feelings were stupid and he was also stupid. And that bench over there, sitting all by its lonesome on this stupid roof, it was stupid too. Kageyama was going to think he was a total idiot. Or even worse, he was going to avert his eyes and mumble “Um, I appreciate what you said, but I just don’t think I can feel the same way. Sorry.” God, that would kill him. Not the rejection—that was understandable and honestly completely expected—but the idea that Kageyama wasn’t capable of feeling the same way for him.

What had he even written again? Something like you’re amazing and I didn’t want to hide how I felt about you anymore? God, that made him sound like such a swooning little princess. Not that that description was entirely inaccurate.

He checked his phone for the time. It had been almost 45 minutes he’d been up here, he realized, his eyebrows raising in surprise. He’d envisioned all types of negative outcomes, but being stood up hadn’t been one of them.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to contemplate this particular method of failure for long, because the door was swinging open. Teru caught a glimpse of a jet-black bowl cut and oh god, he was here, Kageyama had actually come.

The boy Teru loved closed the worn green door behind him, and then looked around the rooftop timidly. Teru wondered if he could just propel himself off the roof with his psychic powers before Kageyama noticed him, but then his friend’s eyes found him, and he started to make his way over to where Teru was standing. Oh god. What was Teru going to say again? He couldn’t make his mouth do any words. He just opened it and closed it like the world’s most useless nutcracker as Kageyama approached.

“Hello, Hanazawa,” his sweet little voice said when they were face to face. Oh god. Here it came. The rejection. The disappointment. The part where Teru would do something mortifying like bursting into tears or begging Kageyama to reconsider.

“Did you get called up here by someone, too?” was what Kageyama said.

What?

Teru stared, replaying Mob’s words in his head and trying to fit them within the mold he had constructed for “negative answer.”

They wouldn’t fit.

“Uh,” he said, blinking as his processor rebooted. “What?”

“I got a letter asking me to come here after school,” Kageyama continued, pulling Teru’s stupid embarrassing awful letter out of his pocket. It looked a little crumpled, like it had been taken out and looked at many times before being shoved away again, much like Teru’s own feelings. “At first I thought it was another prank, like what happened in middle school a couple times.”

“A prank?” Teru’s voice came out about an octave higher than usual, his own bafflement taking a backseat to outrage at the idea of anyone pranking someone trusting and kind like Kageyama.

“Well, one time it was because someone lost a bet, and I suppose that other incident was more of a kidnapping-slash-hostage situation, come to think of it.” He looked thoughtful, like this was just another typical middle school memory.

Teru’s mouth dropped open again. “What kind of lowlife would pull a trick like that?!”

“Oh, it’s all right,” said Mob, holding up his hands placatingly. “He’s really a good guy. We’re friends now.”

Teru supposed he couldn’t argue with that. After all, Mob had decided he was worth befriending after Teru had done terrible things. He sighed and massaged the spot between his eyes. “Never mind that. You asked if someone called me here? The answer is no, obviously.” He was the one who had called someone up here, after all, not the other way around.

“Hm,” said Kageyama, nodding. “That makes sense, since if someone wanted you to meet them, they would probably ask to meet on the roof of your high school, not mine.” He tilted his head. “But then, what are you doing up here on my school’s roof?”

The back of Teru’s neck broke out in a sweat. “Um,” he said, feeling his insides swirl with mingled panic and confusion. What was with that question? Didn’t Kageyama know why he was here? Had Teru forgotten to sign the letter or something? Did Kageyama just think he was up here for no good reason? Could he possibly escape this disastrous confession attempt and try again some other day? Oh god, that was too many questions. “D-Didn’t the letter have a signature?” he asked, since that was the only question he could get out without sounding crazy.

“Just the letter T,” said Mob with a shake of his head, apparently unperturbed at Teru’s sudden subject change. “But there are lots of people whose names start with T.”

Teru brought his palm to his forehead. Oh my god. Of course there were. Teru was a complete and utter moron. “I can’t believe this,” he groaned, not sure whether to be distraught at this miscommunication or relieved that he still had a chance to back out. He dropped onto the single paint-chipped bench heavily and stared at his shoes. What now? Kageyama hadn’t even understood his confession. Teru had completely bungled the whole thing, and now he was stuck up here on the rooftop of a school that wasn’t his with a boy that was also not his.

Mob sat down beside him, and for a few long moments they were quiet. The road noise below and the occasional sound of birds chittering seemed deafening. “The letter probably isn’t real,” Kageyama finally spoke. “Which is okay. I’m used to that. But… I was kind of hoping it was real this time, I think.”

Kageyama’s eyes were fixed firmly ahead of them when Teru looked up at him. “Oh yeah?” he said listlessly. “Why?”

To his amazement, Kageyama’s cheeks went pink. “Because… I thought maybe you had written it,” he said, so quietly that Teru wasn’t totally sure he had actually heard it. Mob tapped his thumbs together in his lap. “And then I saw you up here, so I thought…” He turned his head away, but Teru saw the tips of his ears turn red anyway. “But I didn’t want to assume, so...”

The iron ball sitting in Teru’s stomach suddenly felt like it could float. “You were… hoping that I wrote it?” he breathed. There was something rekindling in his heart that bore a worrying resemblance to optimism.

Kageyama’s whole face was flushed when he whirled back around. “But it’s okay!” he said, waving his hands around in a frantic manner that would give his former master, Reigen, a run for his beloved money. “I’m always glad to run into you regardless, and um, if you are waiting for someone up here, I’m sure they’re very nice!”

“I was waiting for you,” he blurted out honestly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought this was obvious, but… I wrote the letter.” It should have been humiliating to admit, but instead Teru felt a wave of relief wash over him. Whew. It really did feel better to tell the truth. Who knew?

“Really?!” Kageyama’s deep red eyes were wide as they locked onto Teru’s. The expression on his face was not one Teru had been expecting. It looked… nervous, but also curious.

Hopeful, even.

Teru’s heartbeat skipped like a scratched-up record. “Y-Yeah,” he said, trying not to let his voice crack. He failed.

“And did you really mean what you said in it?” Mob had scooted closer in his eagerness for an answer, which was both exciting and nerve-wracking.

This was his last chance to back out. To save face and have everything go back to normal. To pretend none of this had ever happened.

But looking at his favorite face in the world, Teru just couldn’t do that.  “I meant it,” he said. “Every word.”

The smile that broke across Kageyama’s face was unpracticed and awkward and wavery and so utterly adorable. “You really have feelings for me? I’m different?”

“You’re different all right,” Teru quipped, a little perplexed at his wording. “But… yes.” His face was burning, but seeing that expression on Kageyama’s made his embarrassment worth it.

Another thing that made it worthwhile? Kageyama smiling even wider and then flinging his arms around Teru’s shoulders. “Thank you,” he murmured.

“K-Kageyama?” was all his stupid mouth could say to that, even as his own arms came up to hold Mob in return. He smelled so good. He felt so warm. Teru’s heart was dancing a tarantella. He hadn’t enjoyed a hug this much in… well, ever.

But all too soon, Kageyama was letting go and leaning back. “Sorry,” he said, “I hope I didn’t startle you.”

“You definitely did surprise me,” Teru replied, “but it was the good kind of surprise.” He cleared his throat, though it still felt like his heart had jumped up somewhere in that vicinity. “Um, so… does this mean you don’t mind… that I feel that way?” There were probably better ways to put that, but asking him Do you like me too felt both too scary and too juvenile.

Mob shook his head emphatically. “I definitely don’t mind,” he said. “When I thought you might have written the letter, it made me really happy.”

“It did?!” Now Teru was the one filled with curiosity.

A nod this time. “I thought about it all day, and I realized that if the letter wasn’t from you, I didn’t even want it to be real.”

Holy crap. That meant…

...What exactly did that mean?

“Well, now that you know it’s real, how do you feel?” he asked next.

“Embarrassed,” was Kageyama’s first reply, but then he considered the question a little further, his mouth quirking over to one side. “But also happy. No one’s ever felt like that about me before.”

“That you know of,” Teru pointed out. “For all you know, tons of people have felt that way about you but never had the guts to say it.” Indeed, the way Teru saw it, someone like Kageyama should have legions of devoted admirers who pined after him and longed for him to even look their way. Then again, if he did have admirers, Teru would probably want to fight them.

“No,” said Mob.

Teru blinked. “No?”

Slowly, like it might not be allowed, Kageyama reached over and covered Teru’s hand with his own. “I like that it’s only you,” he said softly.

Teru looked up from their hands to Mob’s face. The other esper’s eyes were trained firmly on his own, willing him to understand the meaning behind his words.

Only you.

And then the memory resurfaced. The lights off, the two of them quiet and close in Teru’s room, Teru whispering things he hadn’t had the courage to say while anyone could see him.

Teru laughed and turned his hand over to hold Kageyama’s. “I can’t believe you remember that.” And here he’d thought he’d been so subtle back in middle school.

Mob let his fingers intertwine with Teru’s, though Teru felt them tremble. “I do remember,” he said. “And… I also remembered what I said at Tome’s party.”

Tome’s party? What on earth was he talking about? “Um… and what was that?”

“That you were the friend I would choose to kiss.”

Teru was the kind of extraordinarily talented individual who could choke even when nothing was in his mouth. “Wh-What?!” he squawked, but even as he said it, the memories of the Truth or Dare game started racing back to him. “Oh yeah… you said you chose me because I was the only one who would know how.” His voice came out a bit whiny, because even back then he’d been a little hurt at the (admittedly true) accusation.

Mob’s hand felt sweaty. “Well… um, that may have been my reasoning back then, but…” He bit his lip. “Now I don’t think I would need a reason like that.”

For a moment, none of his words computed. Teru spent a few seconds just staring at the other boy silently, holding his hand.

And then the implication finally hit him like a ton of bricks, and his mouth dropped into a gape, his eyebrows flying up to his hairline as he dropped Kageyama’s hand. “I—oh—that’s, i-if you’re saying what I think you’re saying,” he babbled, the words just spilling out unceasingly like idiotic sand through an idiotic hourglass, “I mean that would be—but only if—I mean, and it’s not really necess—well, but I certainly wouldn’t refuse—but really, um, I—”

“Hanazawa!” Mob cut off Teru’s never-ending torrent of verbal floundering, his brows drawn together in something like worry. “You should breathe.”

Teru sucked in a desperate gasp of air, his vision un-tunneling. “Right,” he said. “Oxygen. Good.” He took a few deep breaths. Kageyama waited patiently, because he was way too good for a mess like Teru. “Um, if I’m understanding correctly,” he tried again once he had calmed down, “are you saying you… want to kiss me now? Like, for real? No dares?”

“I picked Truth, not Dare,” said Mob, his mouth pulling up on one side in a bashful half-smile. “So of course no dares. Only the truth.”

Teru didn’t give him the chance to change his mind. He grabbed the front of Kageyama’s school uniform in one hand, pulled him in, and covered his mouth with his own. Kageyama didn’t seem to mind, if the way he melted into it was any indication. Teru’s heart sprouted wings and fluttered joyfully in his chest at the reciprocation. He cupped Kageyama’s warm cheek with his free hand. Kageyama kissed with an endearing level of clumsy enthusiasm, pressing back against every movement and mirroring everything Teru did with a second’s delay. It made Teru feel weak in the knees even though they were sitting down.

The kiss ended gradually, Teru’s giddy smile still pressing against Kageyama’s lips for a moment before he pulled away. The other boy opened his eyes and looked at Teru with an expression of awe usually reserved for things like shooting stars. Oh, god, Teru loved him so much. But saying that this soon would be foolish, so he just rested his forehead against Mob’s and moved the hand on his face up to brush through his soft dark hair before letting it fall to his side.

“To tell you the truth?” he breathed, not wanting to break the silence but feeling compelled to speak anyway. “That was the best kiss I’ve ever had.”

“Me too,” said Kageyama, “though it was also the only kiss I’ve ever had.”

Teru would love to fix that, but there would be time for that later. Right now, he had some pressing questions. “So, uh… you never really told me how you feel about me.” Was it pushy to ask for an answer like this? Did he even need one? Kageyama had just very eagerly given Teru his first kiss. Surely that was an answer all on its own? But then, it was never good to assume.

“Oh,” said Mob, “I thought about it a lot today, and I’m pretty sure I love you.”

Teru demonstrated his ability to choke on air again. “You what?!”

“Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that,” the other boy muttered, playing with the hem of his school jacket. His cheeks were rosy. “You’re not supposed to say it right away, are you?”

“N-No, you can say it whenever you want,” Teru insisted, putting his hands on Mob’s shoulders. “It’s only important that it’s what you feel.”

“Well,” said Mob, his eyes sliding off to the side as he thought, “I thought about how you’re always going out of your way for me. I thought you were just kind like that, but you were always looking out for me specifically, weren’t you? Trying to cheer me up, or make sure I wasn’t lonely, or listen to me even if I wasn’t really saying anything important.” Teru removed his hands from the other boy’s shoulders, a bit taken aback. He felt a bit ashamed of himself for assuming that Kageyama would never notice things like that. “Well, I couldn’t help thinking that I wanted to go out of my way for you too. I want to look out for you. I want to cheer you up and make sure you’re never lonely. I want to listen to you even when you’re not saying anything important.” Teru swallowed thickly. There seemed to be an obstruction of some sort in his throat, and his mouth was pressed into a wiggly line that wouldn’t stop moving as Kageyama continued. “When I read this letter, I thought about all the people it could have come from, but I only wanted it to come from you.” His eyes met Teru’s again, deep red peeking out from beneath jet-black bangs. “I mean, doesn’t that sound a lot like love?”

“Yeah,” said Teru, his voice emerging as a sort of choked squeak. “I guess it kinda does.”

“Also,” Kageyama added, “I really liked kissing you, so I think that must mean something.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah,” he said again, “I think it does.”

“I’m sorry to suddenly say all those things,” said the boy who had absolutely nothing to apologize for. “People have probably given you much better love confessions than that.”

“No,” said Teru at once, scrubbing a hand over his face before he could get too blubbery. Many people had claimed to love Teru. Only one had ever really made him feel loved even without claiming anything. “Only you. But I like that it’s only you.”

“Oh,” said Mob. “Well… good.”

“You probably know this by now, but I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you I love you for years now,” Teru said then, with all the nonchalance of someone talking about the weather, assuming that person got very emotional about the weather.

“I didn’t know...” Kageyama smiled that same awkward smile he had when Teru had confirmed that he had feelings for him. “Is that really why you hold my hand when we cross the street sometimes? Or why you share your umbrella?”

“Hey, no fair,” Teru protested. “You’re totally seeing through all my secrets.”

“Teru,” said the other boy, grabbing onto the end of one of Teru’s sleeves.

His heart surged in his chest. “U-Um, what is it?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He failed again.

“Nothing, really,” Mob shrugged. “I just wanted to try saying it.”

Teru’s stomach swooped in the most amazing way. “You can call me that,” he said. It was a struggle to not beg him to say it again. “I mean, I would like it if you called me that...” He cleared his throat, and took his own leap. “...Shigeo.”

Shigeo’s face lit up like the sound of his name had flipped a switch. “Hardly anybody calls me that except my family,” he said, and then smiled like he was sharing a joke as he added, “but I like that it’s only you.”

God, if he kept smiling at Teru like that, Teru’s entire body was going to melt. “Shigeo,” he said again, the name coming out sounding like sunshine because of how widely he was smiling when he said it, “I’m really glad I wrote that stupid letter.”

The other boy rested his head on Teru’s shoulder. “Me too.”

For the first time, Teruki Hanazawa regretted nothing.

=============================================================

Thanks so much for reading, and please consider checking out my other TeruMob fics too if you haven’t seen them!! (But I’d Never Bend You and A Little Pick-Me-Up are my favorites.) Lots of love to you, TeruMobs <33333

[jayessart]

Is there going to be a continuation of Sorry Dropped Your Coat? (Adore your art and storytelling! Be well! 💙)

(Link to the comic in question.)

Thank you! 

Unfortunately, that series will be on indefinite hold - I probably will not be continuing. Mostly because it was really only supposed to be a oneshot, and so I don’t know at all where it should be going now. Some authors can make up a plot while a story is being created and published; I can’t. I’m the type that needs to plan out an entire story and write out a complete script before I even start the first panel.

I’m currently working on The Reaper and The Waiting - this one, I have the entire thing written out, so you can be sure it will be completed. Updated once a month (that’s the fastest I can manage with work and life right now). 

I’m writing out the script for two more comics I want to do after this - The Half Moon Cried Blood, which will feature my centaur and birdling ocs, 

as well as An Affair in Assumptions, which is gonna be a fun and cute gay rom com, hehe. 

Previews of everything can be found on my patreon.

Thank you for the question! Apologies if you really wanted a continuation for SDYC; I just don’t know where it should be going. Also, it’s based off the premise of someone’s tumblr post, and I don’t feel entirely comfortable creating an entire comic out of someone else’s idea, because I couldn’t ever fully call it “mine”. 

[thegrabowskis]

why is Mike your favorite I want the dissertation OP

IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

- His lowkey obsession with Rich’s life. There was a quote from, I think Mike himself? that I saw once where he jokingly said his true calling in life was to put Rich Evans on camera and film him (if anyone can find that quote again, please send it to me, I think it was in an old interview with him)

- His unique creativity? I mean he basically created the modern video essay format wholecloth on his own. You can’t type the name of a pop culture film or tv show into the youtube search field without tripping over fifteen hundred video essays that were directly inspired by him.

- The shrugging humility when he’s reminded of this. He doesn’t seem to think he’s anything special; he’s just like “I wanted to get my thoughts out, so I did.”

- I once heard Jack and Rich on pre-rec talking about how they accidentally went to the same screening of a movie; Jack heard Rich laughing at the end and said “Hey, that’s Rich Evans!” and they joked that Mike ran away immediately because he doesn’t want to be recognized. It made me feel such a kinship with Mike as an extreme introvert myself

- As a giant Beatles stan (seriously I have a whole sideblog for it, I’ve bought all their albums which is wild cuz I try not to spend money on music, it’s a whole thing), I love that he’s a big beatles fan. A man can recognize good music!

- speaking of good music, he loves Elton John too? And musicals? Grease 2 is a musical that only a theater kid could love, and he loves it, therefore he is a Certified Theater Kid I don’t make the rules it’s just how it be

- his love of Star Trek is so pure and bright. Absolutely nothing in the entire world could make me care about Star Trek, but Mike and his enduring love for it has definitely come the closest. I mean, he got choked up talking about the motion picture for god’s sake. How can you not love this Soft™ Man

- I know it’s considered a bit gauche to talk about their patreon exclusive content, but for a while I was subbed to them there and watched a ton of outtake videos. My favourite thing about them, the thing that delights me the most every time, is that Mike is almost always the one who breaks first when they’re trying to film something scripted, like the nerd crew. People think of him as the stoic one but he’s not and it’s GREAT

- This is a small thing, but a lot of the time he covers his mouth and shrinks down when he’s laughing and it’s end**ring don’t @ me

- He loves making Rich Evans laugh more than anything in the whole world and I think that’s wonderful

- There is nothing funnier to me when he breaks and keeps trying to talk through it

- He’s such a bully sometimes but it’s ok he doesn’t mean it, probably. My favourite instance is when he gave Jay his shirt to wear for the Best of the Worst panel and then roasted his ass with a fucking flamethrower for it

- On a more serious note, he has some really good insights on movies, things that I never would have thought of; the most recent example I can think of is in the Exorcist III Re:View, when he made the point that the movie wasn’t really about people; it was about institutions and how they are supposed to be things that keep the world functioning, and the horror comes from the demon breaking those institutions.

- His Chicago/Upper Midwest accent is so choice, and he’s got a great reading voice. He should do audiobooks

- Every time he tries to tell a story he completely fails and goes on five hundred tangents and has to rely almost entirely on Jay’s superior memory to get to the finish line (like the Joe Pilato story; case in point, he asks Jay if he can tell the story and then doesn’t actually get to the story for two more minutes)

- He doesn’t give a single shit about video games and I love that because neither do I

- wish someone would look at me the way mike looks at his friends

- He just seems like a nice soft guy masquerading as a cynical asshole and i identify with that

[siins]

Hei, I'm sorry to ask, I know it must be a shitty question an all, but maybe, I was wondering if after a while, a year or a few montha maybe.... Will ya be posting the rest of the Milton comic any time here? I really love the story but i have problems with my credit card and can't take part of the partenon, still, even if the answer is no I just wanted to say I really love your art! You are an inspiration❤️❤️

the short answer is: oh yeah for sure! but you know i can’t keep it short, so i’m gonna hijack this post to like. update.

the thing is, right when i thought i’m going to finally finish off pixelwish, i got extremely busy with uni (getting into masters, starting the masters), commissions (my job) and just like life and all the ensuing brain fog really put a stop to any comic-ing. ever since then i don’t think there has been a day where i haven’t thought to myself “oh boy i bet everyone hates me now because im not making new pages!!” and just feeling generally very guilty.

what i currently have on patreon in regards to pixelwish (my patreon is for all of my art, not only pw, wink wink plug) are as follows:

“concept art” of making the comic, organized by chapter (sketches, thumbs, commentary)

chapters 1 to 4 brought up to the current standard of page quality (i’ve made tiny rewrites, super tiny redraws, fixed typos, relettered the pages and bumped up the general contrast)

an update post from a while ago stating that i have a finished script and nearly finished thumbs for the final chapter.

sooo that brings us up to date i suppose! so the long answer is: yes i will post comic pages from chapter 5 online too, not only on my patreon! my patreon is going to get the new pages exactly when i complete them and i will post the pages online when i have a small batch ready and also some amount of time has passed (im thinking a week or two). right now i am really hoping that pixelwish is going to be a 2020 thing! early 2020! but i really can’t make any promises with how up and down my life has been lol.

the comic online right now is still in it’s old form and i will replace the pages with the spruced up reletters once i have at least one page of chapter 5 done.