#i know activity isn’t a cure for The Sads

[echo-nt]

I know this has already been said and I’m super late, but Mia as the protag of RE8 would have been so good. The contrast between Mia, the Lords, and Mother Miranda would have been absolutely interesting. I'm shoving everything under a read more because damn I have so many thoughts about Mia.

Lady Dimitrescu is a woman that cannibalizes and drinks the blood of her servants and intruders. On top of that, she tortures before preying on them. She does this willingly and very much derives pleasure from doing so. Lady D’s gothic triplets hunt any poor fool that wanders in. It’s a fun family activity for them just as much as it’s for sustenance. 

Do you know what this parallels? The Baker family under Eveline’s control. They patrol the estate and anyone who rejects the “gift” either ends up molded or on the dinner table. This family also partakes in a fucked up version of a family dinner, eating the victims that refused their little girl’s “gift.” 

However, a major difference between the Baker and Dimitrescu family is their willingness to participate in these activities. A family of cannibals; one forced while the other relishes in it. 

Mia is still very traumatized by her three years in the Baker’s estate. Breaking into the castle to find her daughter would force her back. Hello to all the emotions that come with those memories, the ones Mia has been trying to forget. The harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it. What better way to make Mia acknowledge Dulvey, Louisiana than by forcing her into something so similar? 

And while she’s still reeling from remembering her time in captivity, why not push her a bit further down memory lane with House Beneviento? Mia has demonstrated at multiple points in RE7 that she does care about other lives. She lies to Ethan to keep him from getting caught up in her work. She tries to save Alan and crew members of "The Annabelle" (the crew members are a bit more indirect, she mainly focused on Alan) by containing Eveline. After Jack finds her, Mia keeps her distance to keep from infecting them while trying to write a warning. She tries her hardest during RE7 to save Ethan. 

Mia’s hallucinations could center on her guilt. The failure to stop Eveline and the lives ruined as a result. How she was always too late to help anyone. Ethan curing her, a criminal, over Zoe, the person helping him. Leaving Zoe behind in the shattered remains of her home and family. Surviving. Visions of Ethan hinting at his “condition” could lure her to the manor. A little nudge to the whole “he was mold the entire time” plot twist without fully giving it away. 

Moreau, lacking in self worth and very attached to a woman who doesn’t give him the time a day, yet still he considers her as his mother. Most of his actions are for the attention and validation from his “mother.” No matter what Moreau does, he’ll never have her affection or time. It’s sad, isn’t it? To witness a man try so hard only to be rejected. And isn’t that familiar? Mia once felt compassion for someone with similar traits. 

Remember the little girl who considered you her mother? The one that spent three years waiting for you to love her after you promised? The one you had a hand in killing? What makes you think you could ever be a good mother after what you did? Why are you trying so hard to save Rose when you didn’t even extend the same courtesy to Eveline?

Y’all know how Mia’s past is a mystery? Like why she was working for the Connections and how she was even recruited and all that. Heisenberg would be a great way to explore it. A man taken, forced into becoming something else, and stuck in a family he doesn’t want. Mia can relate. He wants to use her daughter as a weapon. She was willing to let another child be used as a weapon. They’re alike, so surely Mia would be willing to side with him.

But Heisenberg is cocky and Mia isn’t the person she was prior/during 7. Even if she was on board with using Eveline as a weapon to end all wars or whatever bullshit the Connections told her, she’s not willing now. Not after what she’s seen and been through. This section could be Heisenberg goading her through the tvs/intercoms about her past to change her mind with Mia remaining steadfast in her refusal.

And then there’s Mother Miranda. Two mothers trying to get their daughters back through vastly different means. Because of the group photo showing Mia and Miranda with Eveline this encounter can go one of two ways. 

Miranda and Mia know each other and have worked together before. Whether it be on the E-Series Project (with Mia becoming the caretaker and spending copious amounts of time at the lab) or though some other means at work. 

They’ve only briefly met when the Connections were in a hurry to transport Eveline.

Either way, Miranda would compare them. As a mother, Mia must understand what she’s trying to accomplish. Would Mia not do the same as she? Maybe at this point Miranda shows she killed Ethan to demoralize to prevent her from interfering with the ceremony. Tells her she’s too late once again and to give Rose to her because she’ll be the superior mother.

Idk, I guess you could switch to Ethan instead of Chris so he can still have Eveline tell him he’s moldy. But he’s a stubborn man and he forces himself back to weaken Miranda so Mia can kill her. Chris shows up and Ethan does the same thing he did at the end by blowing himself up with Chris forcing Mia (with Rose) on the helicopter. That way the Shadow of Rose DLC can still be about Rose and Ethan. 

TLDR; Mia should have been the protagonist because it would have allowed us to explore her character and background more. It was a missed opportunity especially since so much of RE8 centers around mothers. It would have played out better as closing off the Winters Family saga as well since we could have tied the loose ends that came with Mia’s mysterious past.

[unluckilyimnot]

Hello^^can I please ask for headcannons with izana, mikey, baji and ran with reader who has eating disorder (like cassie from skins:( ) please don't do this if you're not comfortable

S/o with ed

Characters : Izana, Mikey, Ran

Type : angst, hurt to comfort

Words count : 0.8

It’s fine, I can write about it, it’s just the same as an old one I did : I speak as a girl who experienced it in a certain way (which is not as “hard” as Cassie) so I’ll do my best and I don’t mean any hurt it can cause. If you’re struggling with ed we can talk about it if you feel like it, but at least don’t hesitate to talk about it. You can get through it even if it’s hard (I did but I’m not cured at all)

I love you, take care of yourself and people around you ♡

Izana noticed quickly how you start to eat less and less. He cooks for you both the most and he can’t help but notice how a picky eater you’ve slowly become until eating barely enough to go on. As a small eater himself, he gets more and more worried when you start eating less than him. He knows you’ve never really been comfortable with your body and so, losing weight isn’t a bad idea if you feel like it’s what you need.

Yet, it got out of hand when he finally noticed your showing ribs even when you’re not stretching or breathing out. He sees them a little too much to his liking.

“You can’t go on like this.��� he pointed out one day, during a meal. You haven’t touched your plate and you gulped at his words. “It’s not too much,” he added, pointing to your plate, “you’ll have to learn to eat again now.” he paused, waiting for your answer that is never coming. “It’s ok to be a small eater, but not to not eat at all.”

You clenched your jaw. As if you don’t know it well enough. As if you could just eat like that after all this time. His words hurt you more than anything, you thought he would understand.

“I know it’s hard, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Darling what do you think ? Have you seen me ? Isn’t it obvious enough ?” You looked at him, thinking about his habits a bit more and the way he looks before it hit you. Your eyes water, you were too focused on yourself to notice him, to even realize.

“We’re in this together.” he said with a smile.

Mikey doesn’t notice. All he noticed is that you’re not eating with him anymore. You go out with him but don’t ask for a bit anymore, nor do you take something for yourself. He doesn’t understand and sadly doesn’t know either how to handle it.

“Why aren’t you taking anything ?” he pouted, almost refusing to eat if you don’t.

“I’m simply not hungry Mikey, it’s fine, eat!”

“You’re never hungry lately !” It sounds more like a tantrum than anything else honestly and you can’t help but lie about it.

“I eat well enough at home, don’t worry. I’m just trying to lose weight lately.”

“What ? No !” you can hear him pouted. “I like you the way you are, I’ll be sad if you lose weight. It wouldn’t feel the same when I’ll hold you. I hate to think about it.”

He was so pure in his words, you didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

“I’ll try not to lose too much then.” So you lied again, but seeing his smile was more than enough.

Ran is more than aware of what this is. You sleep too much. He does too, he knows that, but you always seem exhausted. Your skin is dry and almost gray. At first he checked your temperature for a few days, on those when it hit hard. Then he started to look at your activities, you still have to go to uni and stuff, maybe that’s what makes you this irritated. You don’t laugh much these days.

Finally, he started to look out for what you eat and he was met with the terrible truth that you’re not, and that’s probably what’s causing all of that. He has rough memories with that, and he wishes to not live them one more time.

“My love,” he purred into your ear, holding you from behind while you’re cutting some fruits.

“Yeah ?”

“Are you gonna eat more than that ?” You froze in his arms, not knowing what to say. “Would you share some ramen with me ? You don’t have to eat much, just something else other than an apple.”

“Ran I –”

“You know, it happened to my mom,” he cut you. He understands your side, but he wants you to understand his as well. “She was really sick because of this. And well, you know the end,” he snuggles his nose in your neck. “I don’t want this to happen to you.”

You don’t know what to say. It’s easier said than done and you don’t even wanna get better, not now, not now that it’s working and you’re close to your goal. Not now that –

“So, would you ?” but you can’t say no to him. And it’s not too much right. It’s just this time.

“Yeah, ok but just a few bites.”

“Right, I don’t want you to be sick.” he smiled against your skin. “Thank you. I love you”

I skipped baji sorry I hope it’s not your fav, I didn’t have an idea sniff. Mikey’s one is a little simple but young mikey is pure and rather simple minded at first.

[oatmealuv]

love for love’s sake carefully, and beautifully handled mental health. they didn’t sugar coat the depression myungha and yeowoon were experiencing.

a lot of times in bl we see characters going through hardships, but by the magic of love they’re better again or everything gets fixed. external love definitely plays a huge part in healing and being able to get through hard situations more swiftly, but it’s hardly ever the sole solution.

myungha getting a bf didn’t cure him, gaining friends didn’t cure him. he had two guys wrapped around his finger, his grandma was alive yet he still has low self worth. he’s someone that has been depressed for so long, has had deeply ingrained negative beliefs about himself that have kept him from ever being truly happy. he believes that nobody could ever love him, he can’t bother anybody with his problems because he’s a burden.

this is why depressed people isolate, they believe all of the things the depression is telling them and it is incredibly difficult to change that. it can take years to change the way you percieve yourself and the world, i think the buffs were the blockages in myungha’s perception. when yeowoon said “i love you” to him, there was an error message because deep in his soul he believes that as an impossibility. his buffs were because of his attempts to getting close to yeowoon, he saw it as a danger because getting close would mean that he would burden yeowoon.

myungha’s life was so so sad, poor guy was dealt such bad cards. his mom living happily without him as if he never existed served as proof of the negative things he’s been telling himself. realizing that you’re nothing to no one, that you’re hard to love or you’re too much is such a hard pill to swallow. it might not be objectively true, but if your mind believes it, then that’s all it takes to completely break your spirit. myungha kills himself because he sees no reason for his life, his mom abandoned him, his gf broke up with him, and his grandmother is dead. his reason for life is reliant on other people it isn’t an internal reason.

now when he’s in the game, he’s faced with the choice of who he loves more, yeowoon or his grandma. i think that they decide to make him choose between them because he can’t fathom receiving love from two people at once. it’s overwhelming, and terrifying for someone that has had limited quantities of love his whole life. his love for yeowoon is the truest love he’s ever felt besides his grandmother. yeowoon and myungha are equals, share a lot of similar life experiences, yeowoon opens up his heart and is ready to be there for him unconditionally. even when myungha refuses to share what he’s feeling, when he is actively breaking his heart, he is willing to change whatever it takes just to be around him. having someone show you that unconditional love is both incredible and so scary at the same time. that person is seeing you at your most vulnerable, at your worst and still choosing you.

myungha is used to self-abandonment, it’s all he knows. he felt like choosing yeowoon would mean choosing himself, and in turn would mean he is selfish and leaving is grandmother to die. if he chose his grandmother he would stick to his usual self, but yeowoon would possibly go back to how he was in the beginning and die. to him everything seems like a huge risk because he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. of course in the game that really was the consequence, choose one life over another. but i think this show really did a great job at showing just how impossible choices can be when you’re depressed, how warped your point of view gets. but i couldn’t help to think what would’ve happened if he had chosen himself, maybe that’s what he was supposed to do.

[reginageorgesgirlfriend3020]

Jenna Ortega adores you! /Jenna Ortega headcannons (Part 18)

She loves that you know how to have fun at her job

And make her job less stressful

You turned on the song Euphoria by Kendrick Lamar on your phone and began to rap the song in public on the set of Wednesday with your headphones on

Jenna was in character and in mid-line and she turned and saw you

You looked at and her began to rap “I like drake with the melodies I don’t like drake when he act tough”

And she smiled at you seeing you have fun

Every week she buys you your favorite flowers

You always help her clean her room in her house

She loves that you love sports

Isn’t the biggest fan of sports but thinks it’s sexy you play basketball for fun

One hug from her will cure your sadness

And when she stands up for you Jenna Ortega protective energy activated!!

[lil-nobody-big-heart]

What a year to wrap this up.

Friends, Readers, and to my fellow advice columnists.

First, allow me to express my belated holiday greetings. I hope everybody had a merry Christmas. How’s everything going on? I hope it’s doing great. May I, and please, allow me to express on my defense?

This is probably going to be my last newsletter as we are about to end the year. Apparently, the fact I’ve become less active and I am very well aware of it, at least only here in the world of internet. Not because there isn’t much left to look forward working on rather than it’s actually a lot.

Putting work aside, I think it’s fair enough to share this thing on my absence. The very real reason I stop not because I wanted to. The truth is— I got sick. Pretty badly. The doctors thought I might have Fibromyalgia after months of further medical evaluation on my chronic condition.

Unfortunately, there’s no cure for this and I’ll probably take this with me in a lifetime. Thankfully, on the other hand, while it’s not uncommon but not life threatening. I’m currently working hard to accept and deal this pain disorder as part of me now.

My family never knew about this. Not because I never care to share my concern. In fact, I’ve shared this a hundred times that I am really sick. But it seems, as though, they couldn’t see it because it’s really invisible and I rather not look sick because I never wanted to look sick so I ended up going through my healing alone.

This might sound really controversial, but it’s crazy how we tend to take care when someone is visibly sick. Not that I’m against of it. Believe me because they really need an urgent care. But I can’t deny it’s so frustrating when someone has an invisible ailment, other marginalized chronic conditions and even mental illnesses. They’re told to tough it up and be positive. No pain and suffering to get invalidated and should be needed treatment whether or not a cause for medical concern. THIS. HAS. TO. CHANGE.

Recently, amidst on my hiatus on the internet. Apparently, I have been called out “playing hard, stubborn, and acting mystery”. Look, I’m only 23 and never in my life care for competition, rank, and status. In, fact, I’m sick and tired of it. I’m battling with a medical condition and I work 3 different jobs. 2 part time and 1 full time and I don’t have time how to impress. While titles, praise and compliments are never a bad thing. Despite how superficial the world is increasing. I’d like to know there are still people that works hard to be themselves. Not to fit in to someone’s liking and I’m some of those.

I don’t know if this has something to do with me growing up, I’ve become increasingly quiet. Because, SINCERELY, all I care in the world is to get better and live doing what I love and to never to put pressure and resentment on everyone I know. I hope you know that my fellow colleagues.

I ain’t going to lie, I live this whole year missing and losing friends, things, and opportunities. Because there are days I get episode of flare-ups of pain and stiffness, days full of rages and sadness, days I couldn’t sleep because I got so many stupid worries turning around my brain. I figured that best way to deal with this is not beating it nor vanquishing it. It’s about learning how to live coping with pain, loss, and disappointment. To get through it well and not led by life of assumptions of what’s worse to come.

This is me in good shape and currently tried my hardest to heal, and I can’t wait to live normally and claim back my life.🖤🩹✨

[randomingoftherandomness]

Sometimes Yuanzhi wonders if someone will notice if he disappears. It's probably just one of his bad days but the loneliness is choking him.

Ziyu is fooling around with Zishang and Jin Fan under the loving eyes of his wife.

Shangjue is glued to his wife and their stinky and noisy kid, Jin Fu protectively following them.

But him? He has no one, the servants don't like him, his brother doesn't care anymore about him. And for romantic love... he doesn't know if he is even capable of that, the whole idea of letting someone touch him in that way disgust him.

He's better alone after all, or, at least, that is what he is constantly telling himself.

He has his work, that is enough.

A/N: I took some liberties with this one Nonnie, I hope you don’t mind x

—

It’s quiet.

Why is it quiet?

Sluggish gossamer thoughts flit and slips through his fingers. It’s life holding on to fine grains of sand. Flashes of emotions and images flicker in front of him.

The scene of Ziyu kissing Jin Fan as he is expounding on the merits of a particular sword oil during a family dinner while Zishang jie and Yun Weishan are chatting on their own, unperturbed by the way their husbands are practically sucking each other’s face.

“…di!”

A short sliver of Elder Yue smiling at Elder Xue and Xue Tongzi while they discuss matters about medicinal research.

A sun drenched scene of Gege with his son astride on his shoulders, laughing and playing while Shangguan Qian looks on with her hand rubbing her very pregnant belly.

The whispers of his residence’s servants who scurry away at the sight of him.

“…up…”

An absolute and soul crushing loneliness.

Yuanzhi is exhausted. Bone deep and gnawing at his heels. He’s tired of being left behind. Of being the one that everyone forgets about in moments of happiness. He’s so sad. Breaking apart at the crudely sewn seams with the sheer enormity of the waves that threaten to take him whole.

Yuanzhi relaxes into the nothingness.

He just wants to be done with it.

In the floating darkness, he thinks he can taste the tang of salt on his lips.

“Y…zhi…”

There’s something he did. Or didn't do? It is hard think when—

Another flash of memory.

One that leaves him bereft when he realised that it’s the sight of him sitting alone just a half a step behind everyone while they’re cuddled up together in pairs and groups while they’re watching the winter moon.

Yuanzhi has a fleeting sense of… something. An emptiness that gnaws at him. A sort of haunting that rattles around in the empty rooms of his soul. Because that’s what he is, isn’t it? Empty.

He is poison personified.

A bane on everything and everyone he has ever loved. A venom with no cure. The thing everyone leaves behind the second they can. He has no place in the happiness of others.

“Wake—“

How work is his last lifeline.

If he can prove his worth, if he can somehow make himself useful, maybe… maybe someone could love him back?

“Didi, please…”

Yuanzhi feels so sleepy. He just wants to rest. He wants everything to stop and be quiet just for a second. Just long enough for him to think.

He just—

Waking is anything but a peaceful event.

There’s a flurry of activity around him. Doctors who are shouting about him waking up and pressing their fingers to his pulse point, servants who are running in and out of the room with basins of water and medicinal supplies.

Then.

Then, there are hands on him and voices calling his name. An ache in his belly that burns. He vaguely thinks he should remember this.

Yuanzhi closes his eyes.

He remembers none of it.

Sunlight is the first thing he registers when he opens them again. He groans, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Let me get that.”

Yuanzhi jolts a little at the voice.

Gege returns a moment later after pulling down the blinds, gently coaxing his arm away from his face. The sight of him is hazy and distant. Yuanzhi doesn’t have the energy to do anything more than whimper quietly when Ge checks his temperature with the back of his hand. Satisfied with the results he finds, Gege moves to hold Yuanzhi’s hand between his palms.

Neither one of them speaks and Yuanzhi soon feels his consciousness swim a little.

“We almost lost you,” Shangjue gege says, voice dense with an unnameable emotion. Yuanzhi blinks his eyes open. Mouth shut, he tilts to face to him.

Shangjue squeezes his hand. “Do you remember what happened?”

Yuanzhi exhales slowly. There’s a huge chunk of his memory that moves through him and his mind swims, but eventually he seizes on a singular moment.

“I… Was in my workshop…”

Gege nods, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. It’s soothing and feels a lot like how he would sit by Yuanzhi’s side when he was a child and less able to withstand the poisons he was testing.

He’s not a child now, but this still feels nice.

“I was running an experiment and I—“

“Second Young Master, Young Master Zhi.”

There’s a wince on Jin Fu’s face that he can’t quite hide in time as he bows. Yuanzhi feels Shangjue’s touch still.

“Did I not say I wasn’t to be disturbed while I’m with my brother?” Ge says slowly, resuming his comforting arc on Yuanzhi’s skin.

“My apologies, but it’s from furen,” Jin Fu replies. “She says that the little master is seeking you.”

Yuanzhi’s heart stops beating at that. Biting the inside of his cheek, he pulls his hand out of Shangjue’s. Tucking the blanket around his shoulder, he turns himself to his side, facing away from Gege.

“You should go,” He whispers. Curling into himself, he ignores the way Shangjue gege calls his name.

Feigning sleep becomes real sleep, and when he’s back to the land of the waking, it’s nighttime again and Yuanzhi thinks that he has about enough of being unconscious.

There’s no one in the room with him but the lamps are lit. Mentally running through a checklist of his well-being, he deems himself healthy enough to not need another second in the sick room.

He’s in the middle of tugging a coat around him when there’s a rustling of robes coming into his space.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

Jin Fan is frowning, crossing the room to take him by the arm. Looking him up and down, the divot between his eyebrows deepens.

Yuanzhi tries to wrench his arm out of his hold but he’s still too weak, and it does little more than make him stumble forward into Jin Fan.

“Let go.”

“No.”

“Let go of me!”

“No,” Jin Fan repeats, tossing him over his shoulder and stalking to the bed. Yuanzhi braces himself to be thrown unceremoniously onto his back. Just as he stiffens his body, he is surprised when Jin Fan carefully, and perhaps a little preciously, lays him down. Dark eyes search his own before the Jade Guardian steps back, expertly stripping him out of his half worn coat.

“Young Master Zhi, you’re a very difficult fellow to love, do you know that?”

Bristling, any budding warmth in Yuanzhi’s chest is immediately extinguished and he grits his teeth. “I’m very well aware of my failings, thank you very much.”

“That’s not what I—“ Jin Fan sputters, sighing deeply before he moves on to take his shoes off. “I meant no offence.”

“You didn’t say anything wrong, so there was no offence in the first place.” Yuanzhi tugs his collar tight around his neck. Shuffling until he is pressed to the far side of the bed.

Dimly, he is aware of Jin Fan muttering something to the effect of, “I’m really the last person who should be doing this.”

Yuanzhi just keeps to himself, choosing to wallow in his failed attempt at escaping. He turns his mind to plotting another one. Maybe through the window, though he’s concerned about getting winded if he does. It wouldn’t be a long trek back to his quarters to barricade himself in. No one would look for him then and he doubts any of his brothers and sister will even be bothered to care.

Yes. That could work.

He just needs—

Jin Fan has his hand around Yuanzhi’s wrist, the warmth of his palm making him shiver and gasp.

“If you’re thinking of jumping out the window, you should know that the Zhiren has a net trap set outside to catch you,” He placidly says.

Damn it all!

Yuanzhi huffs, flicking his sleeve and hugging his knees to his chest even though that just makes things hurt a lot more.

The bed makes a creaking sound. Jin Fan is back again, tugging him by the ankles until he is laid up. Without a second word, he bundles him up under the blanket.

“Alright,” He sighs. “Apparently I’m the man for the job, so here goes.” Jin Fan pinches the edges down, effectively trapping Yuanzhi under his weight and gaze. “Your family is worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Yuanzhi sullenly snarls. He’s going to be difficult about this, damn his health. “So you can just—“

“In what version of the word fine are you, because from what I’ve seen, you can’t even hope to match me now!” Jin Fan raises his voice before exhaling with a short groan of misery.

Good, Yuanzhi thinks viciously, be fucking miserable.

“I keep going about this the wrong way. What I meant to say is that your family has been worried about you for the longest time and no one more so than your Gege.”

Yuanzhi does stiffen at that. The blanket is hot over his body and it’s starting to be uncomfortable. The room is starting to swim again.

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” Yuanzhi says, affecting his most nonchalant tone. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Oh heavens, they can’t say I didn’t try!” Yuanzhi has barely any time to register that shift in his voice before he is picked up and thrown over his shoulder again.

“What are you—!”

“You want to leave the sick room so bad? Fine! I’ll bring you out myself!”

Yuanzhi squeezes his eyes shut. Pursing his mouth tightly shut as he is bumped and carried, all while still in the rolled up blanket. He breathes as shallowly as possible, scarcely daring to even do anything other than focusing on not vomiting all over himself.

He feels it the moment Jin Fan kicks open a door.

“Tell him yourself. He isn’t listening to me.”

[surshica]

invitational — SHE KNOWS

ᘓ︵ꪒ⑅ꪒ

“seriously?! another party?” yn had groaned flopping onto the couch. “yeah we told you..anddd..” ann crossed her arms sitting on the kitchen countertop, “you/i forget.” ann and yn had said at the same time, a small smirk like smile formed onto ann’s lips as yn had a pout.

“i means they kinda plastered your name all over this saying you would be here..it’s too late to ditch.” kyuma slithered his hands through his hair as his head rested on the back of the single seater couch chair, his gaze fixated onto yn occasionally looking back at ann who was drinking her pineapple juice.

“but i’m tooo lazyyy~” yn groaned whined, “well too late start getting ready we need to go soon or we’ll hit traffic.” tatta’s tone was stern, he knew it was annoying but at the end of the day if yn had personally said yes to doing it. yn frustrated got off the coach walking to her room finding something nice to wear.

“don’t forget you have a media party to go to at the [company name] chairman’s house—kuina will be there and unfortunately dispatch as well!!” kyuma reminded her, yn’s eyes widened ever so slightly. she had forgotten about that as well. “well shit.” she groaned to herself shaking her head closing the door to get ready.

“even after being in the game for what 10+ years? she is quite forgetful…” ann had commented as she sipped on her pineapple juice in a plastic cup, “i mean cut her some slack you can already see the grey hairs on her head from all the scandals dispatch gets her in” tatta joked as kyuma laughed lightly.

“she isn’t even 30 and has more grey hairs—its funny but sad..she’s so..” kyuma put his hand on his chin, “overworked” the three of them said in unison earning laughs at how synced they were.

“she agrees to literally all of it..” tatta had sighed before lifting his eyebrow slightly, “..agreed to all of it except the drama, which she could’ve said no too.” tatta’s statement cause ann to stop drinking her pineapple juice; he stare beamed into tatta’s skull.

kyuma got the message giving tatta the what do you mean look. tatta has never sweated so much before—he had two people who scared him staring straight into his skull as if a red laser was going to be shot through him im sorry HAHAH.

“what do you mean by that?” ann questioned never taking her eyes off tatta, “she could’ve said no but she caved in since the new manager saw potential..” he had nervously licked his lips. “and did you tell yn this.” kyuma’s question felt more as a demand.

“I DID! she didn’t listen to me though she felt as if she needed to do the drama..” tatta nervously smiled wanting something good to happen, oh god he hated this so much. he was mentally curing himself for being it up.

“and what did she say.”

“she said she has too..she hates this new manger tho.” “DONT LOOK AT ME LOOK AT HER OR YKW BRING IT UP WITH THE MANAGER IM JUST HER DRIVER.”

ann had just hummed in a acknowledgment bushing her hair behind her ear. “we’ll talk to her when she gets back from her activities.” ann stated as kyuma nodded getting up from the seat patting tatta on the shoulder, “thank you for telling us” he tried to sound cherry but hell under all that he was upset

“YN HURRY UP OR YOULL BE LATE.” kyuma yelled causing yn to shuffle back over to the small living room, “jeez jeez i was just doing my hair—is this please-able?” yn said standing in front of them. she was wearing a black puff sleeve mini dress and white high tops, she really didn’t want her feet to hurt plus she thought it was cute.

“yes you look fine now go!! you’re going to late and you wouldn’t want that out..” ann warned her pushing her towards the door as tatta followed along-suit. “bring her back in one piece no scandals tatta or i will shoot lasers at you!” ann warner smiled at him, tatta just nodded.

ᘓ︵ꪒ⑅ꪒ

“we’re here!” tatta smiled at yn who looked a little nervous, there was a grip she held on her dress that looked like she wanted to quit. “stage fright?” tatta hummed looking outside seeing many people lined up to take pictures of her.

“no. just the paparazzi, i just get nervous because what if i trip and fall and i look stupid?!” she had groaned as the grip loosened she looked out the window getting more anxious. “fuck I CANT DO THIS I HATE THEM” she complained.

tatta ended up slapping yn, “shut up. you look fine, now go in there and do that performance so we can get out of here.” tatta unlocked the door leaving the car to go open the door for yn, a little shocked tatta slapped her. a small giggle left her lips, “thank you for the reality check.” yn had smiled at tatta.

the lights were blinding—she couldn’t even see where she was going the only thing she could see is the carpet the led inside, quickly making her way inside. she made her way to the back where the other performers were getting ready.

her name was being called so much she would’ve thought she won an award or something. “i’m here!!” she had exclaimed raising her hand. the stage director smiled giving her the ear pieces she needed. quickly putting in the ear pieces she made sure they were put on properly.

she grabbed a picture that she kept in her spandex pockets, giving it a small kiss as goodluck—she was ready to perform. but as her name got announced a wave of nervousness washed over her again. she had to shake herself, those nerves are meaningless she told herself.

as the person said her name you made your way up to the stage with a bright smile on her face, waving to everyone or trying too. the lights were blinding..a little too blinding. you looked over to the person who was in control and motioned them to turn it down slightly. they got the hint and were more dimmed out.

“hello everyone!! hopefully you are enjoying the party!” yn had her hands around the microphone standing walking around the small stage, the screams from fans who made it in were evident. “that’s good to hear” yn had chuckled, “i’m going to be performing one of my personal favorites and one that i think everyone will enjoy…Romance!” she has exclaimed, a bunny like smile formed onto her lips.

the crowd was very static to hear you sing the song since it was one of your most popular one! “woah i didn’t know you loved this song so much!” yn had gotten to her position as the lights dimmed, closer her eyes a breathe of excitement made her bones shiver. it wasn’t cold by all means but those goosebumps from performing has merely came.

opening your eyes you were waiting for the music to que, a momentum was sounded in your earpiece to keep you on track. her eyes wandered around and had noticed a white hoodie that resembled chishiya, the comfort feeling washed over you knowing he was here, regardless that be he was invited or was here to watch you perform.

the music started causing yn to put on her stage demeanor, a very flirty yet calm fun loving presence. yn had her eyes following chishiya the whole time, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. but the show must go on, not wanting to cause a storm she pretended to flirt with the male and female fans. there was nothing wrong with some harmless fan service.

ᘓ︵ꪒ⑅ꪒ

after her performance was over, it was rather quick with 3 songs nothing too much and nothing over the top, she had rushed off backstage wanting to take off the earpiece. a part of her wanted chishiya, there was this urge to go hug him and thank him for simply being there even if it was the smallest gesture.

you somewhat got tangled in your ear pieces; slight curse words were mumbled through her lips as she untangled herself; she started rushing to the door looking at the crowd trying to find that white hoodie that ended up not being there anymore. a frown was shown apon her lips. disappointed she made her way to the back door where tatta had been parked waiting for her.

she had pushed the door open a little too roughly, a groan was heard on the otherside causing yn to widen her eyes. she had quickly closed the door behind her looking around “IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE HERE” yn worriedly squared down to their side.

the person shook their head with their hand on top of their head, “it’s fine it’s my fault for walking so close..” he groaned. his voice was soft yet low enough that made her blush. she stared at the person closely, the blonde hair and white hoodie looked so fimilar and it finally hit her, “CHISHIYA. OH MY GOD.”

she had moved his face towards hers, she felt the need to look at him to see if there was any injuries. blood was dripping from the side of his face; “you’re bleeding..” she pointed out, she was close to his face. the blush was streaming from her cheeks to her ears, the faint scent of a vanilla like strawberry cologne was evident.

“i’ll be fine it’s just blood, plus i’m a doctor.” he assured her getting up holding out his hand to pull her up, she took the offer getting off the ground. his cold hands were wrapped in his. he made no effort to remove his from hers, his steps were a little wonky. he felt a little lightheaded but tried to shake it off—it didn’t go unnoticed by yn.

“chishiya i need to clean it up..i cant just let you walk home with blood on the side of your head.” yn argued walking over to the busy tatta who was too busy playing on his phone. “TATTA HURRY UP AND TAKE US TP THE CHAIRMANS HOUSE I NEED TO CLEAN UP CHISHIYA!!” yn had exclaimed worriedly, she was talking so fast tatta only caught some of it but hurriedly started up the car.

“COME CHISHIYA COME.” yn pushed chishiya inside who ended up closing his eyes, the dizziness had became too much for him, “i just need water..” chishiya mumbled still holding yn’s hand. the sound of tatta honking was loud alongside the sharp turns.

“TATTA do we have water?!?” yn unbuckled crawling over to tatta, “no but we have juice box!” tatta didn’t bother to look back.

“JUICE BOX?! DO WE NOT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE??”

“NO BECAUSE THATS ALL YOU LIKE TO BRING WITH YOU.”

“YOU SHOULF COME PREPARED.”

“THATS HARD WHEN ALL YOU PACK JUICE BOXES.”

they bickered some more causing chishiya to groan “just give me a fucking juice box.” the grip on his and yn’s hands tightened causing yn to look back at him, a sorry escaped her lips.

she had handed him a juice box that had been in the mini cooler tatta carrie’s around for yn, “thank you” chishiya opened his eyes slowly to drink from the juice box. “fruit punch? hmm” he said as if he was critiquing her. “yes i think fruit punch is the best go to flavor from any brand~” yn had hummed sitting back down at the seat next to chishiya.

yn had started rubbing her thumb in small circle motions, “tatta can you drive any faster..” yn cleared her throat not wanting to annoy chishiya, “IM TRYING. there is a thing called traffic.” tatta scowled.

ᘓ︵ꪒ⑅ꪒ

the three had finally made it to the chairman’s house, ushering chishiya into the house thankfully everyone had been outside at the moment. tatta went outside to go tell kuina yn was here alongside chishiya.

yn had ushered chishiya into one of the empty rooms near the backyard. “i don’t know who’s room this is but i don’t care.” yn said pushing chishiya down onto the bed rummaging to find some alcohol wipes and bandages,

she had found some and cleaned up the wound, casual hisses escaped chishiya’s lips “i thought you were a doctor..surpised you are in pain.” yn had snarked a comment as she went to go throw away the used products, “i’m a doctor not superman.” chishiya clarified back pulling out another juice box from his pockets.

yn had raised an eyebrow, “isn’t that mine..” she looked at him, “yeah but i took it” he smiled cheekily casually drinking it. yn rolled her eyes in amusement, her phone had been spammed by kuina asking where she was and that they are asking her to come perform now.

a sigh escaped her lips “i need to go..” she said as she looked at her phone, chishiya simply hummed knowing she had to do her job. “i’ll be back to pick you up and drop you off at home” yn akwardly smiled at him, before skipping off into the backyard.

yn made sure nobody saw her and sighed in relief, shaking off any nerves that might of been there. she saw kuina and skipped towards her earning a pinch from her, a pout was evident. “i’m sorry i am late..i got wrapped up in something hehe..” yn tried to seem less akward.

she shook the chairman’s hand, “lovely party by the way!” she wanted to be nice when in reality it was a burning business party. the chairman smiled at her positive comment, “don’t worry about being late, if anything everyone was just here early.” he laughed at his own statement and kuina stiffened a chuckle.

yn had just nodded grabbing the guitar that had been propped next to the wooden stool, this was where she had to perform one of her unreleased songs. i mean she’ll get what she’ll get. tuning the guitar she strum in it make sure it sounded nice.

yn had tapped on the microphone gently, “hello hello?” she talked into the mic, “is this working??” she asked looking around. people gave her thumbs up; “well great! hello everyone welcome to the party even if i’m half an hour late welcome!!” she giggled.

chishiya heard some commotion come from outside and it had sounded like yn’s voice, something inside him told him to go outside onto the balcony. and so he listened to those urges and walked onto the balcony leaning against the railing, hands crossed—hoodie draped over his head (WE ALL KNOW THAT SCENE FROM S1 EP3.)

“this is one of my unreleased songs..i’m a little nervous to play this but HERE WE GO HAHA” yn’s voiced boomed from the small speakers. “this song was actually dedicated to one of my crushes i’ve had since my childhood..so do enjoy.”

“it’s called the glue song.” yn had a smile so bright it would light up the whole room. the soft strumming of the guitar with the gentle vocals lured chishiya into it. its almost as if he was being serenaded—and he wasn’t complaining.

ᘓ︵ꪒ⑅ꪒ

SHE KNOWS — masterlist — next

AN : yes this whole chapter is based off like a 15 minute scene in starstruck YES THIS IS WHERE THE PLOT DEVELOPS AND YES I AM FINALLY OUT OF MY WRITERS BLOCK. AND YES YES YES IT TOOK ME 3 DAYS TO WRITE THIS. i hope you enjoyed <3

tags — closed ❤️‍🩹

@eshtravagent @lunsyeah @aftrnoot @trinmadol @asoullessentity @akowbt @noxceleste @eissaaaa @dr3amscap3 @captivq @arizzu @happyjuhyun @parkersmyth @bwnniidump @r3iverse @le000xxgrd @crinklypink @cherriwn @mxbrahms @parcqq @ikon-teen @jade-flower-edits @scaramilk @yanfei-kisser @seiksyyki @nostalgisters @kokoscutie @elakari @milkkteary @coffeeangel13 @yvrikoo @kozuluvbot @rainbowsaz @naegisimp @kerenz @brdpch @minyoungieee @xashiui @ehddsnys @saltysoftgrungeofscience @hadesdaughtwr @rainqissedd @saiewithakatana @vernon-dursley @kittyrai @shinobuily @kalstar @huachengsbestie01 @xxoperatexx @luvvsnae @celery-o @hy0ukka @odin-hatesu @luv4kuina

[ecargmura]

Paradox Live The Animation Episode 8 Review - Corrosion

Last episode review, I theorized that Hajun was going through phantometal corrosion after seeing what Nayuta was suffering from. I got that right! However, I don’t want to celebrate as this episode was super emotional. I gasped when Hajun fainted and legit shed some tears after everything that transpired in the latter half of the episode.

Okay, first off, Hajun, why are you such a hater? First, you called TCW “past-expiration” and now you called Akan Yatsura “playing house with a bunch of strays”. Funny enough, both teams revolve around being a family despite not being blood related; Hajun is also related to the Yeon Conglomerate, but he’s not related to them by blood and got thrown aside. I can see that he has heavy abandonment issues because of that. Since he was adopted, that means he was either abandoned by his actual birth parents or they died and he was put in an orphanage before adoption. He was abandoned once. The second time he was abandoned was because of his adopted parents not wanting him anymore after his brother was born. I understand why he’d be heavily guarded ever since that incident. Being abandoned twice does take a toll in one’s psyche. Hajun doesn’t want to admit that he found a family of his own with Anne and Allen; this episode was him coming to terms with how important they are to him. It made me happy. HOWEVER, Hajun, if you ever dare be a hater towards cozmez, I will personally transmigrate into your world and break your kneecaps while cursing in Korean.

Seeing Hajun having corrosion and being cured from it made me a bit sad, honestly. Nayuta didn’t know there was a cure. Had he told someone, he could’ve been happier (and Shiki too). Though, there is a possibility that Nayuta is still alive after giving a bit of a teaser last episode. The method of going inside a person’s mind to cure their corrosion really gives off Kingdom Hearts vibes with the dive into people’s hearts stuff. I honestly like it. There’s something very magical about that method—I’m writing a story that has the main character dive into people’s memories to grant their wishes (if you want to read it, it’s available on Tapas, Royal Road, Wattpad and Webnovel—just click on the links on the pinned post on my page and you'll be directed). The only time this cure was used was when Buraikan was active ten years ago. Is that Shura guy that ramen guy wearing a disguise? Wait, is the ramen guy his default appearance or is that a disguise? I don’t know! All I know is that the ramen guy’s only voice cameo from Episode 5 was the same guy who rapped the ending song and they have the same voice actor. I think I have pretty good ears to be able to distinguish voices. Wait, what happened to the other Buraikan guy if that was the case? Is he dead? Was he unable to be cured? Does that mean Hajun is the only successful case so far?

I do wonder how Iori has so much knowledge of phantometal. I know that he’s trying to research Alter Trigger in a way by getting the “kids” to gather information about Ryu, which was what Episode 6 was about on their end. Since he’s yakuza, is he trying to destroy them? But seriously, how much does he know? Does he know about Nayuta’s case? Despite being fine as heck, he’s a man full of mysteries. Every time he shows up, there seems to be more questions than answers. Also, I can’t believe Satsuki and Reo have the gall to start a random food fight during meal time. Who does that?

Since this is a BAE episode, AKYR’s song isn’t heard much. However, thanks to the power of current modern technology AKA Youtube, I listened to Call For Familiez. I liked it a lot! Fabulous was also really good to listen to. I think I like Fabulous the best out of all the BAE songs so far. It just sounds so different from the first two BAE songs I’ve heard. I think both songs are just so different from the usual powerful songs both groups have—they’re currently my favorites from each group now!

Also, I want to discuss Hajun’s Korean at the ending. In Episode 4, he said “Gomawoyo”, which means “Thank you” in Korean, but it’s used in a more polite manner. If you’re not familiar with the Korean language, adding -yo to the end of your sentences makes them polite and formal. Since Hajun used -yo at the end of his sentence, it showed that while he was thankful to Allen and Anne, there was still some distance. In this episode, he says “Gomawo”. Notice that he doesn’t add -yo at the end of his sentence this time. This shows that the wall between Hajun and the other two have finally been broken. If you’re wondering about the difference between “gomawoyo” and “kamsahamnida”, which are both words of gratitude, “Gomawo” is more informal and used casually while “kamsahamnida” is the more polite/formal usage. Since Hajun used the former, it showed that he is comfortable around his friends to speak casually to them, but still added -yo at the end at first. Now that he broken the boundaries between him and his group, he doesn’t need to use -yo when talking to them. The writers really did their research on the language and I’m super impressed.

Next episode’s title has the words shrouded in green, meaning it’s going to focus on all four groups again and maybe have them do weird shenanigans like what they did in Episode 6. I do wonder what will happen next week. I’m excited. Once again, thank you all of the people who commented on my review of the previous episode. You’re all lovely people and I hope you meet people as wonderful as Anne and Allen. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[sizzleissues]

How'd you like the movie?

Hey anon!

In short: AHAHAHARRRAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHHAHA LOVE LOVE LOVE IT

Slightly more coherent

Animation: Amazing spectacular- can’t wait to see it in theatres.

Music: I love the songs so much it will be interesting to hear them in english. The visuals paired with it are also just beautiful. I’m a fan of musicals normally and the movie does have the sort of cheesy vibe that comes with musicals that i just love but isn’t for everyone.

Story: Can’t say much on this as I don’t speak French and the subbed version I watched was not perfect. Generally it kept me engaged (which is a credit to it) and I’m sure when the english dub comes out it will clear up some confusion for me.

Okay spoilers stuff under cut

So again, the subbing being wonky makes things a little harder to understand. It feels like I’m missing something, like a ten minute chunk was cut from the film. It’s fine for miraculous fans- we know the context- but for newcomers something is missing. Maybe it’s just lost because I don’t understand and the quality of the audio but I hope the dub has explain the basics dialogue bit.

Miraculous:

I love how the miraculous were depicted in the film while a little confusing at times. The signal thing when out of costume is a cool idea (though I hope it’s a thing only they can see >-<). I also really like the focus on their powers working better when working together. When they go solo things go array.

It seems the lucky charm is gone and instead Marinette simply is always devising a plan with all of her surroundings. We don’t get to see her problem solve in the movie, most of the combat is purely physical which I think is a miss. Maybe in future movies she’ll discover the power and we’ll get to see her use her brain.

Same goes for the cataclysm though it appears at the end. Again I can’t be sure until I watch the dub since I might be missing things. It backs up the theory it’s something they have to discover. Chat Noir using it at the end is fine for regulars but newcomers might be confused. LB also learns to use the cure at the end so I think things just work differently in this canon and I’m excited to see how it’ll play out.

I think some of the issues with the miraculous will be resolved with the dub- definitely missed something. But I think we need to remind ourselves it’s a different canon with different rules. Just because they’re different doesn’t mean they’re bad.

Love the costumes anyways and the speckling on Chat’s suit is so cool. The power seems to be more within the holder. Also the miraculous choosing the holders- and the chaos of that scene- was amazing. I like that the miraculous are magnetised to them and it takes a whole lot of power to tear them away.

Also Hawkmoth taking advantage of the fact he can do multiple akuma’s as an adult really makes him a threat. He’s a lot smarter in this version.

Characters & Relantionships:

Every character is a bit different but I still love them all a whole lot. I love that Adrien’s a bit more of a loner but it’s Ladybug that opens him back up to people again. I don’t have any complaints just positivity to how the movie interprets the characters. This will probably grow once I understand everything.

The only character I’d say is better, not just different is old man Gabe.

Gabriel is more focused in the movie- more clearly being won over by the power. Losing himself to it. It’s destroying him but he’s addicted to the possibility of having Emile back. He thinks that’s what will mend his and Adrien’s relationship when all he really has to do is be there. It’s better than the show as in the show he’s pursing Emilie despite Adrien- actively shoving him to the side with malice. In the movie he’s doing it because he believes having Emilie back will restore light back into Adrien’s life that he doesn’t think he’s capable of showing towards Adrien on his own. He’s scared if he’s close to Adrien he’ll see his sadness and thinks it’s because he’s lost his mother- not because he’s losing his father too. Seeing the pursuit has actually hurt his son snaps him out of it. He finally meets his eyes and sees not sadness for Emilie but sadness for losing him. AH! Its too much I’m melting

Going over the zag offices right now to punch whoever decided to cut at the kiss. I NEED MORE. The love square delivered so well that I’m so sad there isn’t more!

Lol that’s my thoughts so far. Bit more than you probably expected but needed to get it out before I fall asleep

[destinygoldenstar]

Total Drama Danganronpa Island Chapter 4 Deadly Life Spoilers:

Tw: I talk about suicide and cancel culture in the story

I myself have never experienced having suicidal thoughts. The only time I can recall where I came close was getting braces. Yeah. So you can imagine the research I had to do, especially since in this very fic, I’ve been pretty dismissive of mental illnesses and disorders. That I apologize for and hope I can do better.

This was something I felt more than anything, I CANNOT dismiss this, nor can I sugarcoat it. I have to be as respectful to it as possible, and actively discourage the idea. Never know if there’s a crippled person out there that sees your work and takes it to heart. (That’s a nightmare for me. To have something I made be responsible for someone’s death)

I have a romantic partner with chronic illnesses for almost ten years now, and still no cure. Multiple times, they’ve shared to me their suicidal thoughts, thoughts that made me scared of losing them. They’re still alive, and they say over and over again it’s because of me.

I’m someone who has a hard time talking coherently. That’s why my social media presence is mostly text. So Bridgette’s speech here, I personally see it as me talking to the people struggling to find something to live for and never give up even where there’s literally no hope left. There’s always something, even when you don’t see it at the moment. Someone to love, someone who loves you, a book you like, a show you like, nice walks, whatever. There’s something. You can’t experience those good things if you’re dead.

There’s also some cancel culture commentary here. Everyone’s a part of it whether we consciously know it or not. It’s really sad.

I cant count how many times Ive said something whether in real life or online and I become self-conscious whenever someone has a certain response. One wrong word and a whole group of people can hate you. That’s all it takes.

In the realm of fame, either you’re a role model or you’re a disgrace. Nothing in between.

Total Drama isn’t any different from this subject matter with Gwen in particular. Something I feel a lot if people overlook.

There are some cases where it’s lies and the person is innocent, you may find a few examples of such, and that's just heartbreaking.

But what happens when you ACTUALLY screw up? Make a mistake? Make a fool out of yourself? Like humans do? (I.e, Gwen) Cancel Culture tells you you’re therefore an awful person with no redeeming qualities, and that one mistake suddenly becomes your whole life. It’s heartbreaking especially when the cancelled person WANTS to own up and be better, but the people just don’t have it.

Then there's the other side of cancel culture, which many famous people, such as Chris, use to defend TRULY terrible people and say the world is in the wrong.

Either way, Gwen was treated like dirt and sent to suffer for an old mistake, for so long until she lost hope altogether and bailed on fighting. The others could've helped her, but only Duncan took the time to consider helping, and he tried to commit suicide... so what other influence was there for Gwen in a world where she really needed a friend?

Does this mean the other campers are entirely to blame? No. But there is a lesson for them to learn here about empathy and redemption as a concept. Them hating her is understandable if you the audience want to see it as understandable reasons to hate Gwen, but did they go about it the right way? No.

Gwen Ellis is nothing short of a tragedy and a cautionary tale of a minor being a victim of cancel culture.

And the surviving campers want to make sure that her fate never happens to anybody else ever again.

And in case you’re wondering why Bridgette is the one who gave the eulogy, when Duncan and Courtney were right there, 1) Neither were very mentally stable at the time 2) Bridgette is one of the hosts with who WAS Geoff (And is now Leshawna. Platonically.), so she has the experience to give speeches like this in front of people. That and she has the calm agency to be mature about the situation, especially how she, more than anyone, feels like she HAS to own up to her mistake of being a part of the fuel that lead to the death of this girl.

And she didn't have to do that, and no one would blame her. Gwen killed Geoff, forced to or not, and Bridgette was understandably upset and could still hold that grudge even after Gwen's death, and no one would blame her. But the fact that she took ownership after realizing what's happened says a lot about her as a person.

[ecstilson-blog]

One single day—the value of time

The dream is always the same, my mind’s way of processing terminal cancer.

In my dream, I’ve died and I’m missing my family, wishing I could see them, talk to them, hug them… one last time.

“Would you like to go back and repeat a day from your life on Earth?” God’s voice is strong yet gentle, just like His hand—the one I’m standing in right now. I look at the giant lines on His palm and the callouses on His fingers. What type of work caused callouses on the hands of God? Is He a musician like me? Does He work and toil too?

“Any day?” I ask, unable to hold the eagerness from my voice. To see my kids, Mike, and my loved ones again, well, that sounds like… Heaven. It’s suddenly ironic how subjective Heaven must be.

“Yes, Elisa. Any day.”

I think then about the days each of my kids were born, their milestones and triumphs; the moment I met Mike, our first kiss, our honeymoon; running a newspaper in Blackfoot, Idaho, and chasing so many stories my boss nicknamed me “Scoop”; visiting Italy, Mexico, Arizona, or Missouri with family; playing my violin for crowds and feeling the pulsing unity only music can bring… Each of those days were incredible, but would I want to experience them again? Or would that tarnish the memories? Plus, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. So, I shyly look down at my clasped hands, and I do something that surprises me.

“If it’s all right, God, I’d pick a regular day, nothing special. Just a day when I can talk to everyone I love.” I think about the words then. How interesting: What my life boils down to isn’t about my career, degrees, accomplishments, or experiences. At the end, to me the only thing of value is that my loved ones KNOW how much I love them. That I believe in them. That I’m proud of them. That they matter in general but especially to me. That is all I want in the end.

“A regular day. You’re sure?” He asks.

I nod.

“Well, to talk with everyone… You met a lot of integral people toward the end of your life. What if it’s a day with suffering? After doctors discovered melanoma had gone to your brain? You’d still pick a day like that?”

I think for a moment. “As long as I can talk to everyone I love. Well, then it would be worth it.”

—

I wake up then, and most of the time after having this dream, I’m groggy and half asleep, wondering if this is my one day to “live” again. Seconds later, I shake off these thoughts and slowly start my day. But even though I’m living in a new “normal,” and I can’t walk quite right since melanoma ate my L3 and doctors removed a section of my spine… Even though I’m actively getting treatments and throw-up bags seem to be my best friend… Even though there are days when I want to complain because doctors say I’m slowly dying… After I’ve had this dream, I stop.

If I had died and this were my “one day” to re-experience life and tell my family and friends how much I love them, would the pain and sadness about cancer matter quite so much? Probably not.

So, it’s 5 a.m. on Dec. 24th, and I woke up after having this dream again. My back is flaring with pain and the damaged nerves in my legs and arms are tingling with electric shocks and as if they’ve simply fallen asleep from lack of blood flow. But I know this is “normal” when my pain medicine wears off. When faced with something like cancer, trauma, or any terminal illness, each of us discover what price we will pay in order to live. This. Is. Mine. I chose this. And you know what? That’s okay.

So, I’ll treat today as if it were my one special day to come back. I’ll reframe the pain, try to bring joy to people around me, tell everyone in my life how much I love them, and hope today will be as wonderful as it can be.

Although I’m not in remission, my crappy attitude sure is. Even though there isn’t a cure for the mutation of melanoma that I have (yet!), I would be a fool to forget how lucky I am to even be alive. My life is pretty good. I’ve lived a year longer than doctors expected, and I’ve realized the true value of… time.

[lumos0lux]

🌸 Planet of Seandhrîel, my DnD world 🌸

Hi there! It’s been a while! How have you been? Here is my life update :)

I’ve been having an art block, a writers block... well a life block to be super honest. Exhaustion from work started it all. I have been on 0 energy for far to long and last October took out the last of me. I had another identity crisis, came out as Jenny (she/her) again, I finally quit my job, and slept for about half a year. I started a new (part-time) job at the end of January and been slowly crawling back to enjoying life a bit more.

I still don’t feel complete however. The job that I have now is a night-time job (I LOVE IT) so I go to work in the middle of the night, come home in the morning, sleep until 1-2 pm and then I’m free for the rest of the day. My problem here is that I don’t do anything during the day. I sit in my bed or at my desk and watch YouTube videos. Mostly either Critical Role, and daydream about playing DnD, or vlogs and daydream about doing vlogs. Which just makes me sad because here I am doing neither of these things. I in fact don’t do anything. I do so little that even my introverted cat things I’m boring...

So that is what I’m currently panicking about. I know I still need rest as this level of exhaustion from work isn’t something that is cured in a few months even if work and the doctors think it is, I know it is okay that I have days were I just lay in bed and watch other peoples vlogs... but every day? No! I want to get up an do things. I want to get back into a more active life style. Have a routine again. Exercise, do sports, do art, go out, travel, meet people, study. HAVE A LIFE.

One adventure is planned, next October I will travel to a place that is very near and dear to my heart and I will tell you more about it then 💕 At least I hope I can go on that trip, I need a bit more money than I have and make now, so I’m still searching for another job, plus I really want to open an art shop. I have ideas but art block and fear is still holding me back. 

I need to push that fear down. I really want to open this shop. I really do want to do all the art I have planned out. I also want to get back into blogging regularly, both here on tumblr, but I also made a new blog on blogger. I love watching weekly/daily vlogs and I always wanted to make them as well, so that is another goal. Do a vlog and write something similar on my blog. Weekly blogs and weekly vlogs. One problem I have with vlogs is that I’m not a talkative person... at all, as I said, even my cat things I’m boring... BUT lately I have discovered “silent vlogs”, I don’t know if that is an actual term but I have come to call them that haha. The vlogger doesn’t talk and rarely even show their face. Just put on some lovely music in the background, if they want to say something they put it in the subtitles. I love it. So maybe I’ll start there?

Mostly I just want to start doing things. Even little things. Can be as little as blowing bubbles or going on a picnic to the ocean. If you have any ideas, please do share. I’ve seen people on tiktok doing similar “challenges”, get out there, do small fun things every day. Tiktok in general would also be fun, I have about 2 videos on my tiktok, lol. But again, then I have to be talky, and I’m not a talker. I guess that could be a challenge in itself. Become a talker. Isn’t the goal here to become a bubbly happy person?

[tacticalvalor]

«────── « HEADCANON » ──────»

Found an interesting email while grinding some gigs, and it made me think a little about Viktor’s practice and what kinds of things he’s dealt with.

TRANSCRIPT: I'm happy you turned to me instead of those Clean Cut scam artists. But I am sorry I don’t have good news for you. The symptoms you described indicate a serious disorder that will continue to progress regardless of next steps taken. In cases like this, I’m afraid no level of help you give your sister will do much good. The only real “cure” is one of the two MaxTac ways, if you understand my meaning. It’s good you reached out to me, but it’s best if you contact them next. The quicker they get on this, the safer it’ll be for everyone around her — including you.

Vik being a back alley doctor means he’s aware cyberpsychosis, and he’s most likely had his encounters with patients who are on the brink. Rose is clearly one of those patients.

But I got to thinking about how much of it he’s really seen. After all, there are only two ways MaxTac handles it:

Kills individuals with cyberpsychosis due to the violence upon encounter

Captures individuals with cyberpsychosis and locks them up to treat.

The treatment/rehabilitation process is actually pretty intense, but that’s another topic I want to breach when fleshing out Smasher.

Ultimately, Viktor knows that MaxTac either kills them or tries rehabilitating them, but I imagine he doesn’t know much of the specific procedures because:

They probably changed since he went to med school some odd years ago, or just didn’t exist. This whole rehabilitation project seems fairly new if Regina’s dialog is anything to go by.

He can’t keep tabs because he’s a back alley operation and getting attention from the corps isn’t something he can afford to do (re: shutdown of his operation and likely prosecution, because the corporations actively lose money through people circumventing Trauma Team insurance plans).

And it’s honestly kind of sad to think about him having these encounters and trying to help, and he probably never gets a follow through.

Every time he hears reports of MaxTac handling one of these cases, he can’t help but wonder if it’s someone he tried to help. Someone he gave cybernetics to even before the symptoms began showing. It’s part of the reason he doesn’t really keep the news on in the office.

[marcyclone]

sorry for taking so long to reply ive been so busy lately and haven’t had the energy to reply but here i am

you bring up a lot of interesting points that i don’t necessarily agree with but are intriguing nonetheless lol. that’s an interesting viewpoint but i can’t say i agree; being drunk isn’t the same as being intoxicated and they seem to be aware of themselves enough to go do a thing they enjoy doing and happen to do often. that and also the actors and directors themselves have stated outright that mac is the one being raped and that’s the intention of the scene. i also just like it and think it’s funny lol

tbh i LOVE you’re welcome so so much, it’s the only part of that production and cast recording that i like, i enjoy both of them because they have different accuracies to the scene but I also haven’t actually SEEN you’re welcome ive only ever seen blue. i just like you’re welcome more mostly for personal reasons lmao it’s cathartic to listen to after recent events. the inclusion of duke in both the party and the double date is CRAZY and i will never ever get why on earth they did that. exactly what you said lol why they entirely changed the motive and didn’t just do it the same way the scene was built up in the movie is so very strange.

the poc duke thing is not something i noticed until you brought it up (since i don’t like the musical very much so i havent seen any productions other than the one with Barrett) and now that i actively think about it when i see the musical productions you are entirely correct that is SO weird. i don’t even see what the point is if there implication like you said doesn’t exist. i don’t know how id feel about it if it did though since it’s still very divergent from her original motives and i think it muddies her character. but heathers the musical does modernise the movie a lot so perhaps it would’ve been more appropriate. the asian Mac thing is something that i was subconsciously VERY aware of the possibility and i am just. floored that someone actually did that

thé fiction does not affect reality thing is SO true i dont know WHERE it got misconstrued that everyone thinks we are just saying fiction doesn’t affect reality AT ALL. because that’s ludicrous and no one who is mentally well would say that lmao. it’s nuanced and dependent on a lot of things and people don’t seem to understand that. i joke to my family members ‘be careful of any opaque mugs i give you’ constantly when they say something that jokingly offends me but i can’t imagine anyone actually doing that because they saw heathers lol.

i dont agree with the idea that chandler is a poor little baby who has such a sad life and she’s a closeted lesbian bit i also don’t agree with the idea that she’s a soulless irredeemable asshole who will never do any good. there’s NO way she’s a closeted lesbian let’s just get that out of the way now lmao. headcanon wise why not, but the movie was made in the 80s lmao that is probably NOT something that ever crossed their minds at any point in the process of making the movie and the character. i think she is just a bitch, that’s how she is and that’s just how some people are, but bad people can do good things; It’s shown that she thinks of Veronica as a friend, or at least values her more than duke and Mac because of all the pictures of them together in her locker and the fact that she trusted Veronica enough, maybe not exactly to expect a real hangover cure, but at the very least to expect her not to give her something gross. i recognise that that is highly subjective though and may or may not have been the intentions of the directors — it’s completely possible that chandler keeps all the pictures of veronica just as a status symbol of sorts (not the word im thinking of but it’s 2 am), or she really does drink from the mug because she doesn’t want to be seen as spineless. it could be a combination of both. who knows. but you’re right, giving her a sad baby backstory is taking away ALL the substance of her character. she’s cold, she’s a dick, she’s sharp, she’s cruel, she thinks of herself as a GOD, that’s what makes chandler chandler.

OPINION

You cannot be a heathers fan and be an anti shipper. From my extensive research I have confirmed that JD and Veronica is the most popular ship. That is a proship! JDonica is a PROSHIP! JD is ABUSIVE!!! He sexually assaulted her like 3 times in the movie! But theatre fanbase is not ready for that conversation. I have my eye on ALL OF YOU.

[rhinkipoo]

Sorry for my Bad Brain posts today. I’m missing my husband and he’s hurting too, which makes it feel even deeper.

But! I did day 19 of YWAHome, 30 minutes of core work that made me drip sweat. Feeling much better.

[terriblecorpse]

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

He hates seeing you get lonely because of his work / 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨, 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨, 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚

@b4bephomet I’m feeling like going in a fluff kick, with maybe some dates, proposals, dancing in the rain. mmm I’ll see where I end up

      𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢

—- He decides he has enough money for a small at home vacation in which he is on you 24/7. He has his heavy arm draped over you. Since you're so lonely he can’t leave you alone, truth is he loves it. The warmth to your smile and eyes that greet him when he finally shows up and says he is staying. He also loves having you close because he missed you. He just kept shoving those feelings aside till they grew too big to ignore.

—- Missions can have Toji busy, since he gets caught up in making money for him to spend on you and himself. That he forgets to slow down and spend some time at the house with you. So he tries to make up for it by bringing you a give when he notices he has been taking a job after job. With no time for you in between. 

—- You are going to sit in his lap and you will let him hold you. It’s the only way he can cure your loneliness. He will keep bringing up that you are oh so lonely unless you have all of his attention at all given times.

—- If you pout at his teasing and say you're good, then he will pretend to leave, so you ask him to stay. Now if you let him walk out that door, he comes back an hour later with some food he knows you like. Like nothing ever happened since you're running to greet him.

      𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨

—- To going to sleep alone, and waking up to find Gojo gone, to him having to leave in the middle of a date. You know he gets upset when you pout about being lonely, so you try to hide it. Since he can’t help that he is so high in demand.

—- Gojo figures you're lonely because he is too, so many people, but none of them are you. And he wonders if you crave him as much as he is you.

—- Gojo finds an app called Tuned which allows the two of you to share your feelings with each other. And play little partner trivia with each other. It makes Gojo and you feel a little more connected.

—- Throws you on the bed the moment he gets home and flops down next to you. Whilst crying on about how cruel his job is keeping him away from you. He covers your face and expects you to do the same to him. Will be salty if you done and takes his kisses back. How though?

       𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨

—- Geto expects you to understand his work will keep him busy. And you're just going to deal with that, but if you don’t pout about it too much, he makes it up to you.

—- Enjoys that get lonely without him, and that it’s his attention and company you enjoy the most. So he tries to spend his free time with you to make up for it. Even will call your sad and lonely look adorable. Since he knows he can solve your loneliness by simply sitting with you.

—- Geto does whatever you want to do when he spends his time with you. Which after some time will suggest his own ideas. But he enjoys doing your favorite activities with you. Especially any hobbies that you are passionate about.

—- Geto sends you audio clips of his voice instead of texting you. So at least you have his voice recordings saved on your phone. So you can hear him say certain messages whenever you like.

     𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚

—- You should be grateful you're getting his attention and haven’t gotten bored with you. But the second you bring up finding someone else for your lonely since there isn’t much between him and you. He shuts that down quick, he will deal with your stupid human emotions, since you aren’t lying in bed with another and dirtying what’s his.

—- You explain that you getting lonely over him being gone is because you miss him. Not because of bedroom activities you missed him, his personality. And Sukuna calls you stupid for that, but he likes it.

—- His mind wonders to you while he is out doing whatever the king of curses wants to do. And thinking of you missing his company has him wanting to return to you. And he can’t say why he likes it, but he does. So he stops by more frequently.

—- Straight up will just take you with him because he is the King. And you are going to be his cute human that no one else is touching if they want to keep a hand. You will sit on his lap where he can have his arm around you. Most curses are too scared to mention his obvious feelings and the others who have said it are dead. Is this cause Sukuna wants to see just how much you can’t handle of him. Do you really get lonely when he leaves you?

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭