#i know a lot of this must be disjointed and confused

[loserchildhotpants]

October grows closer.

It is at once my favorite and least favorite time of year.

Every day, regardless of the month, of the year, I am in motion - my friends tell me I'm too hard on myself, some of them even tell me I work too hard, but I am in motion because I am constantly trying to outrun the obsessive belief that harasses me all day and night; I need to justify the space I take up.

I don't feel this way about anyone else. I don't think anyone else needs to justify their own existence.

I'm constantly looking for forgiveness, for someone to say, 'you've finally done enough good to have outweighed the harm you've done (intentionally and/or unintentionally), good work! Now you can rest!'

October comes and reminds me of everything, makes the inside of me so loud, I can't focus.

I was a miracle baby, born at 11:59pm, October 23rd.

I'm a Jewish witch - I love the serious holidays that fall in October, pagan and Jewish, and I love seeing people in silly costumes at the end of it.

The night I turned sixteen, I finally confessed to my parents that I'd been abused most of my childhood. It was around midnight then too.

I had done something unintentionally cruel to a friend (unprocessed trauma makes for some weird fuckin' behaviors), and we weren't exactly on speaking terms. I knew it was my fault, I knew I'd been the fuck-up, but she was my best friend, and I needed her there that night. I called her up, and she showed up.

She wasn't pleased with me. She didn't get why she was there, and I told her first - before my parents.

I told her who had done it - someone she knew. Someone everyone I knew also knew.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

"Yeah, [person] tried the same thing with me, when I was younger."

I was flabbergasted.

"What happened?"

"I called for my mom," she told me, "why didn't you call for help?"

I don't remember if I said it out loud or not, but the answer was; it hadn't occurred to me as an option, to call for help.

She spent the night, slept as I went downstairs to tell my parents the worst of it, as much as I could assemble the words.

("I think it started when I was around 7 but it could've been earlier than that," "when I went to their house, someone else might've been involved, but my memories are all messed up, I don't remember," "there was a knife - I don't know if everything is okay, down there but I'm too scared to look," "yes, that's why I'm always covered up," "yes, that's why I-" "yes, that's why -" "yes, that's why-")

I hadn't really said the words, I was vague and it was still like clawing up heavy stones from out of my chest.

I'd wanted to die with those secrets. It's a longer story as to why I couldn't - why it fell on my birthday, why I had to come forward or someone else would.

My friend was gone in the morning and distanced herself more permanently.

My parents turned it into a weapon - against each other, and against me. No one knew what to do with me, no one knew how to help, and no one felt particularly inspired to learn how to.

I remember going up the stairs to bed that night, and it felt like I was shedding weights as I climbed the stairs. I'd never felt lighter, I'd never slept better - I thought, 'oh, good, finally, all the Bad Feelings will stop, and I'll be normal.'

My mother co-opts it where she can, is sometimes disbelieving of it, sometimes reduces its severity, but it depends on her audience. My father doesn't speak of it at all, which is fine, because we don't speak and never really have.

The friends I had then - they didn't rally around me. Maybe a month later, I moved 1500 miles away from everyone and everything I'd ever known, and started again. Right in the middle of my Junior year of high school.

My birthday used to be a happy sort of day, and then it became so somber, and regardless of the mood, I was alone in it.

No one understood October 23rd like I did; every year past the year of my first suicide attempt (I was 11) was an incredible mile marker. I didn't think I'd make it that far, I didn't think I'd have it in me - it was a day I had been raised to allot for praising my mother for having given birth to me. It used to be for someone else. I didn't know how to make it about myself, and making it about myself always felt like some sort of trap.

But it was also the day I freed myself of terrible secrets, it's the day that I showed some of my scars and said, 'if I don't live honestly from here on out, I think the memories and secrets will kill me.'

As October nears, I know it will be a countdown to my birthday, because it always is in my own head - it's not just my birthday, it's a day that marks many things, unlikely things, improbable, miraculous, horrible, ugly things.

As it comes closer, the mantra in my head gets louder.

I need to find forgiveness. I need to justify the space I take up. I need to be more helpful, I need to be more active, I need to be smarter, I need to be more cultured, more accomplished, more well-rounded, I need to be more than I am, I need it to serve everyone, endlessly, and I need to smile while I do it, I need to be convenient, I need to try to do better all the time.

That feeling of not being enough encroaches upon me, and I want so badly to enjoy October, but I don't know if I can.

An ex-boyfriend I had dated at the time I came forward accused me of lying about never having had an orgasm in my life (I hadn't), because, "you've been having sex since you were like, five, you probably had it and just didn't know what it was - here, I'll show you."

(He couldn't show me, he didn't, but I faked it because I needed to be convenient.)

There are 4 occasions I can remember that he ignored my 'no,' or pushed past clear barriers, or took advantage of me when I wasn't in my right mind - 3 of them took place AFTER he knew.

With life-long friends dropping like flies, a 21 year old 'boyfriend' my parents LET date me at 15-16 pestering me for my body, the aforementioned situationship with someone who would tell me regularly how hard I was to love, my family retreating into themselves in the face of my trauma - I was falling with no net at the bottom to catch me.

I crashed at the bottom of it all, I picked myself up, and have spent all the years since apologizing for walking with a figurative limp.

The 21 year-old was convinced I'd cheated on him or something. I don't remember, and don't care to. I broke up with him over the phone. The situationship became my boyfriend for the 100th time since we'd known each other, and he was horrible to me, and I took it, and I was grateful for it, because all I knew was that I was hard to love.

So, here comes October.

I came forward 14 years ago. I'm turning 30. And it all still hurts. And I still don't know how to get through October.

The tattoo in my mind, the one that bang-bang-bangs all day and night, telling me I'm not doing enough to justify being alive, that I'm a burden, that I need to do more and be more all the time - it has an edge of fear to it as we inch closer to October. As if I'm running out of time. As if I need to find forgiveness from someone, somehow, and fast, or I might die before I find it, and I'll pay some terrible cosmic price for lacking so much.

I hope that someday, someone throws a birthday party for me. It doesn't have to be a surprise, just - I can't do it myself. I can't. Maybe more to the point - I won't.

And I hope that when they do, if they ever do, in this daydream where anyone gives half a shit about my birthday - I wish they'd tell me they're proud of me. I wish they'd announce that it's not just my birthday, but the anniversary of the night I unveiled the truth and clawed my way to some happiness.

Maybe someday, there will be a celebration of me - and it won't be about telling my mother how brave and heroic she was for the terrifying birth she gave, and it won't be about me entertaining friends that would drop me as soon as I became inconvenient, and it won't be legions of people, but just a small group, just a handful of people that really respect me, that know me, that see me and understand me, and tell me I'm worth something still, even after they know it all.

Maybe someday, October won't be so full of loneliness, fear, or utter surety that I'm fundamentally a bad person destined to be abandoned.

Not this year, but maybe some year. Maybe some October.

[hhhhunty]

been thinking nonstop about the asl brothers and would love to hear you yap about them

Ouhhh the ASL bros.... apologies in advance for how Luffy-heavy this is.

They are very important to me... Luffy's my favorite character and so of course I am made weak by his brothers. They're so incredibly tragic that it pains me to think about them. Did you ever think about the fact that Sabo and Luffy are the two who know each other the least? Sabo and Ace had at least three years before Sabo disappeared, and Ace and Luffy had seven years together before Ace set out, but Luffy and Sabo only knew each other through Ace for less than a year, twelve years ago. They're probably weird without the context of Ace in between them.

This of course isn't to say their bond isn't strong or they don't love each other as much, but being near each other must cause such an ache for their third brother given they were never around each other without Ace there... kind of like when Sabo "died" and Luffy and Ace kept talking to him anyways before getting embarrassed and upset as soon as they remembered Sabo's not here anymore.

Urghh I also think the beginning of Luffy's relationship with Ace is the blueprint for Luffy trying to befriend anyone, and probably the proof to him (though he already knew it) that he could get anyone in his corner if he was just persistent. This is an attitude he keeps throughout all his adventures and everyone he meets, from his "I refuse your refusal!" to Sanji to his consistent pestering of Law...

Ace is just a whole mess of his own... he changed so drastically and even learned manners for Luffy in order to thank Shanks for saving him (something something changing for the better because of someone you love). This completely changed his interactions with others, I think. I love whenever there are nods in comics or fics to Ace being remembered by Luffy's crew as this polite guy, and when Sabo hears of this he's just hopelessly confused and probably a little sad, too, that he missed such a change in his brother and never had the chance to meet him like that.

Back to Luffy though because I'm insane... Ace is such a good meter for Luffy's growth... I recently saw someone commenting on the way that Luffy speaks of Ace throughout post timeskip, from feeling so guilty meeting Sabo at Dressrosa to smiling when Marco told him Ace would be proud of him in Wano... I think a lot of that came from seeing Sabo, and knowing he had another brother alive. I think to Luffy, Sabo is the authority on Ace to some extent. That Sabo was simply happy Luffy was alive and wasn't upset at him for failing Ace was big for Luffy and he kind of took that to heart - it helped him really believe it... maybe that in a way caused him to be able to talk freely about Ace by the time he reached Wano...

Ughh this is all so disjointed and jumbled and I may think of more later but this has been my yapping for now.

here is a doodle :)

[emotional-mess-in-distress]

how you feeling after that last episode fellow roseco CEO

HELLO!!

Glad I have the reputation to be part of the nicorose/roseco ceos let's goo!!

As to how I feel.

Oh boy.

Well I'd say both heartbroken and satisfied.

Personally I've seen this type of fallout coming for awhile I was just curious as to how they would address it. We knew Rose was hurt by Nico's actions. More specifically the turpentine fiasco because it truly was a betrayal to her.

But we didn't know just how much she valued their time together until now! Rose is not the best at externalising emotions, and that's ok it's just the kinda person she is, you can't decern her feelings on something very easily. But she is someone who feels things very deeply, which makes for an interesting character, she's hurt confused and anxious about the killing game but she comes off as nonchalant and relaxed. A big part of this is due to her narcolepsy but that's a convo for another day.

Anyway I'm pleasantly surprised by how much it's revealed Rose cared for Nico. She even considered them a friend, she enjoyed their time together painting a whole lot. While it might seem small, for Rose, who has said that days blend together in her mind and everything feels like a big blob of disjointed time, the painting class must have been a stand out moment in the fogginess of what's happening to them all.

Also let's not forget Rose gave Nico her paintings (the ones of Min and Xander that she covered up with black paint).

To know she valued them so much is very sweet... Unfortunately it seems Nico didn't exactly reciprocate the feeling.

Nico doesn't trust anyone here. While Rose clearly trusted them enough to feel betrayed by their actions.

However it is interesting to point out this interaction:

Nico didn't say anything here so we can't really assume they don't care for Rose at all. Just that they don't trust her.

I think Nico did come around to care about her while they were hanging out together but the murder plan took priority. They forced themselves to not get too attached to the idea of a friendship between them because, if they were successful, Rose would've died anyway, so it would have been unnecessary pain to care for her when they knew what they were doing.

I'm very curious to see how this relationship moves forward, I suspect Nico doesn't completely grasp just how much they've hurt Rose, I also think they've formed an attachment to her regardless of how much they tried not to before committing the murder. So I think moving forward they will remain fairly friendly (for Nico standards) with her. I'm curious to see how Rose will approach this moving forward, I think she might just not want anything to do with em, but we will see.

So yeah those are my thoughts on them both so far ^^

I feel like we won and lost at the same time lmao, I'm curious to see what you think of it all as well :)

[mamashenanigans]

408 Leaks Thoughts

Well, holy shit those leaks, amiright?

So, I’ve finally processed some of this. I will say that this is definitely a chapter that needs a strong translation done due to all the dialogue and exposition happening. Therefore, some of this may change once we start to get the fan translation on Friday then the official English one Sunday night.

Here we go…

+I’m going to say this right now: how Horikoshi has handled AFO’s backstory flashbacks is very strange and disjointed. We are presented with a flashback of him crying while getting ready to kill Kudo then one prior to the full backstory where he seems pretty upset(almost like he didn’t know) when Kudo tells him he killed Yoichi. Once we finally get to these leaks, there doesn’t seem to be a clear connection between those flashbacks and when Yoichi died.

It feels like Hori is expecting the readers to be incredibly good at understanding context clues, including imagery, and putting plot strings together without the extra exposition. That’s interesting considering the target audience’s age range.

+So, he did kill Yoichi and all that was left was his hand. This is where the “being able to read/see context clues in a comic” comes into play. AFO didn’t mean to outright kill Yoichi. The look on his face after the fact makes that pretty clear. Also, talking about how he named his brother Yoichi for first gift while this is happening drives that home. Kudo is crying while AFO seems completely numb like his brain shorted out.

+Then BAM, we’re taken to AFO’s office and WE DID IT FAM he kept the hand. All of the thoughts and dialogue for the next few pages needs a good translation because this is prior to him killing Kudo. AFO is confused as to why he can’t feel the Quirk he gave Yoichi and ponders how that can be possible. We then get Kudo and third, who is named Bruce for some reason, discussing how Kudo now has another Quirk within him. Both AFO and Kudo are figuring out at the same time that Yoichi must have passed on his Quirk, but AFO seems to take it as “he still exists”(rough translation). Interesting.

+There’s a page where Yoichi is cut in half by the paneling and it’s assumed that the one on the left is from AFO’s memory and he is talking straight to his brother, while the one on the right is Yoichi talking to Kudo and Bruce. It kinda presents a duality in Yoichi’s thoughts concerning his brother. There’s the rational, “hero” thoughts about how “He only sees people as toys” and the emotional, little brother thoughts of “You’re the only reason I’m alive.”

+Instead of getting a direct connection explaining why AFO had so much emotion being told he killed Yoichi after we saw that he killed him in front of his own eyes, there’s a double spread of AFO’s decades and decades of trying to get his brother back since he knows he still “exists” within OFA. A panel prior to all of this has Yoichi saying how his power could have done a lot of good. This double spread has a lot of small thoughts from AFO throughout. Rough translations talk about how he cried and another is about how he “only/just/simply wants Yoichi”. This is definitely something that needs a good translation.

+From what I can understand through all of this, AFO was either in super denial over accidentally killing Yoichi or he had compartmentalized his feelings over it so thoroughly that his emotions over the matter didn’t come out until Kudo plainly told him that he killed his brother. I think the fact that AFO blames Kudo for “everything” drives home that he can’t accept that he would have killed Yoichi.

+We find out that AFO’s body was in a morgue and Garaki stole it. So, like, what? AFO was brought back from death by Garaki? Is he, like, a Nomu? This is weird.

+AFO goes full Lovecraft on a double spread as his brother senses him using it. It’s his last ditch effort to ram through Bakugo and get to Tomura and Deku. All Might says how he’ll turn into a baby after using it. Bakugo is, unsurprisingly, overconfident.

I will say this: I still don’t think AFO was born evil in the purest sense of it. He was born with his Quirk activated and the intrinsic affect on his very nature and inclinations were already happening. Also, this isn’t entirely AFO narrating. This seems to be a combo between him thinking about his past and Horikoshi being an omniscient narrator.

Also, I really do think AFO and Yoichi are identical twins, especially with how much goes into stealing nutrients and that they can sense each other(classic literary thingy). From how AFO talks about it here(again rough translations), he assumed he had stolen any Quirk his brother may have had in the womb, so Yoichi’s can-hardly-work “giving” Quirk is what is leftover. With Yoichi stating that the power could have done a lot of good, it makes me wonder what could have been if they never split and were one person. The AFO Quirk would make a lot more sense since it seems Yoichi is like the part of the soul that was about “giving”/“good”. Two halves that would have worked incredibly well with such an awesome power if they were one person. However, I believe AFO has a need for them to be together in this way. Because, if he acquires OFA, he’ll have his brother literally a part of himself/inside him. Then Yoichi can really never leave him.

Would have liked a little explanation of why Yoichi was put in “the vault”. I’m assuming it’s because he wouldn’t bend to AFO’s will, but it seems like that was already a thing, sooo? Did he already try to run away? I dunno. I would have liked something more with that just like how I would have liked a more direct connection between AFO killing Yoichi and killing Kudo.

Horikoshi is definitely rushing to finish this manga and move on and how he’s handled these last two chapters is pretty indicative of that. Which is such a shame since it ended up producing a weak way to tell AFO’s story.

Anyway, no break next week, so either we switch back to Tomura and Deku or AFO is somehow stopped by Bakugo because I guess Bakugo is Goku now? I’d love to have more vestige Yoichi interacting or reacting to AFO. Disappointed we haven’t gotten more than the two panels of him sensing his brother’s Spirit Bomb.

[miloscat]

[Review] Sonic the Hedgehog (PS3)

An embarrassment, frankly.

After playing Forces and actually liking it, I figured I'd give a chance to the franchise's biggest punching bag. Turns out that in this case, I agree with the popular consensus: Sonic 06 is broken and unfinished, with a messy story, bad controls, and crippling performance issues. I've heard it described as entertainingly bad, but I just can't go along that far; I had a miserable time with this game. Let's get into it, shall we?

Although I'm still not ready for my Sonic doctorate, I'm progressing well in my studies. I've played enough of Adventure to pick up that Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) is trying to be Adventure 3 in all but name (and speaking of the name, this game is not to be confused with the Mega Drive game, or the Master System game, or any of the handhelds or animated shows or comics or movies of the same name... the title is the first of many stupid decisions in Sonic 06). A big group of playable characters, more open levels than what would come later, exploration of hub areas, and a heavy focus on story and cutscenes with interweaving plot threads. It's fine in theory, it's just that every individual piece breaks down in various ways. As opposed to previous Adventure games, there are just three main stories (Sonic, Shadow, and new character Silver who is basically just Dragonball's Trunks) with the other hangers-on popping up only temporarily within certain levels.

Sonic's story, such as it is, revolves around Elise, a filler character who is a gormless and feckless human princess and frequent damsel in distress; she gets kidnapped out of nowhere at least five times and dies in a plane crash once, necessitating time travel-based rescuing. Elise’s role in the story when she’s not being kidnapped is alternately mooning, pining, emotional outbursts, and having a tragic backstory. Also, on several occasions Sonic the Hedgehog literally tells her she should smile more. Textbook misogyny, WTF. On top of this is the uncomfortable subplot about a potential romantic connection between her and Sonic, which always fails to feel earned or appropriate. The one saving grace of the character is the mildly amusing idea that her design is loosely based on the chicken animal that you free from badniks in the early games.

I know it sounds harsh but Elise almost single-handedly drags down the whole "story" aspect of this game. After progressing Sonic's mode you unlock the others and theirs almost feel like real plots, centering around stopping Iblis—the mindless beast of fire who ruined Silver's future—and Mephiles—a scheming creature of shadow—before they reunite. Even these stories don't really hold together though with their disjointed plotting, time-hopping, and contrived interactions. Not to mention the utter humourlessness, and the sheer awkwardness of everything from writing to line-readings to mocapped movements. The fact that it's seemingly incompatible with Blaze's backstory in Rush was annoying to me personally, and ending the story with a closed time loop "it never happened" resolution is just the icing on the rotten cake.

I must also mention another decision made in Sonic 06: why game look like that? It falls into the trap of early HD striving-for-realism and falling far short, but it also feels unfitting for Sonic. After all, the hedgehog himself and his anthro friends are as cartoony as ever (almost expressionless faces notwithstanding), so putting them next to the human-looking humans really jars, especially the redesigned Eggman. And speaking of, his robot army is at its most militaristic and entirely whimsy-free... just another in a long line of missteps for ol' 06.

Now all this could be swallowed if the game was fun to play. You should be able to predict that indeed it isn't. Sonic's playstyle is the stinkiest of the lot, particularly the autoscrolling running sections that feel barely functional and were the biggest cause of lost lives (I did not appreciate starting over a ten-minute level due to these abominable segments). His moveset is simple, just a homing attack and not much else, and without a targeting reticle it's unpredictable. He has some sloppily implemented extra powers that are unlocked in a shop; hilariously they're supposed to drain your special bar but due to some error they just don't, so you can use them infinitely for what that's worth.

Shadow is similar, with a combo attack and ranged stunning bolts, but also has a lot of vehicle sections which while awkward are playable enough; meanwhile Silver plays like an entirely different game. His psychokinetic powers let him pick up and throw enemy projectiles and physics objects. It's janky but his slower-paced, almost puzzley levels felt ever so slightly less like the game was constantly falling apart at the seams. There's 9 playable characters in total and none of their abilities work very well; among the others Knuckles and Rouge were pretty fun with their gliding and climbing completely breaking level design, while Blaze (another big reason I wanted to try this game, an opportunity to play as my favourite character in 3D) has a fun moveset with a double jump and a homing attack that actually keeps momentum and flings you around. Like everything in the game it's slippery and totally jank but in a way that actually feels fun sometimes.

I even sprung for the "Team Attack Amigo" DLC (now only available on PS3!) which remixes the levels for play as Tails, Blaze, and Omega (aka projectile spam bot). I should say that each campaign takes you through the same nine levels, sometimes making them new, sometimes reusing whole segments which gets old. The lowest point of the low are the boss fights, another area where the phrase "barely functional" comes to mind. These are tedious to the extreme with a lot of waiting, and several of them recur in each campaign. The worst is fighting Silver, who can instantly grab you psychically and hold you for a long pause before throwing you, and then catch you again as you recover with no chance to make any input. Wonderful!

The elephant in the room for Sonic 06 is its performance. I guess being rushed to release in an unfinished state actually has its downsides, which take the form of horrendous slowdown throughout the entire game experience. Having seemingly almost any number of objects or any amount of level geometry on screen starts making the game chug, the action not dropping frames but rather slowing to a crawl as you agonisingly float mid-jump waiting for your next input to register. And this is despite having pretty severe pop-in not too far away from your character. For what's supposed to be a fast-paced action game it's frankly unforgivable. And speaking of things that you wish ran faster, the loading screens are interminable not just for their length but their frequency: deign to do a side mission and you'll sit through a long load both before and after a character gives a tiny snippet of dialogue until you're allowed to try it, and if you fail then get ready to do it all again! They really add up!

I could go on: the camera is atrocious, the music is forgettable, Elise is incredibly cringe-inducing—oh wait, I covered that already. To be fair there is one bright shining spot and it's from my new old friend Tomoya Ohtani: the main theme His World stands among my favourites from Forces, a strong melody that mixes rock and orchestral with even some rap and makes it work! Watching the credits four times may have been the most pleasant part and it's all thanks to this song. So that's my big takeaway from Sonic 06: the rumours are true, it sucks big time, don't play it unless you're a real loser like me who doesn't value their time, it's a monument to Sega's staggering incompetence, but hey this one song is really good, maybe give it a listen!

[thewingedwolf]

wait i’m gonna be so annoying and have a final thoughts here

the aesthetic & main romance has just really fallen off. they are incapable of sticking the landing in the third act & while they still have some good looks, i think there’s a certain level of playing it too safe (see Kate’s wardrobe!!!!!) and also just, bizarre makeup choices that were a bit distracting.

they also just don’t know how to keep a character waiting for their romance while building that character up over several arcs. kind of a bad trait to have for a tv show?? 😭😭 like, i love them with all my heart, but everyone has said that eloise, benedict, & colin have felt so confused at points as characters, like the writers didn’t know where to go with them. they’re just waiting for their romance instead of like, growing.

Colin was the male lead what do we even know about him beyond his inability to interact with a woman without projecting onto her.

once again the milfs outsold, agatha and violet are the best thing about this series and i don’t care how much i like violet’s lil thing with agatha’s brother, i want those two gossipy old milfs to kiss sloppy style.

it’s too goddamn short, i think this wasn’t a problem in s1 or qc bc it’s the First season so there’s not as many characters to follow but they keep introducing all these other characters that take space away from a) The Main Couple and b) The Bridgertons As A Family, and those are the draws of the series!! it’s too much for only 8 episodes, what happened to 12-18 episodes for high budget or cable shows, if they had these people on like Normal tv contracts they wouldn’t have such a hard time scheduling and have these long ass waits between seasons Either, im tired of this and i blame the duffer brothers and i want those two nerds hunted for sport.

also hyacinth and gregory are getting SO OLD OMG HURRY UP 😭😭😭

i think they did a better job this season with folding the siblings in together but it feels disjointed from s2. anthony & kate specifically feel very oddly thrown in there and idgi. i loved seeing the bridgertons using calling times as an excuse for Group Hangs, and i loved the way John pointed this out to Francesca. i liked that the ending with benedict where he’s realizing he’s the oldest still left at home with two like, toddler siblings and feeling unhappy with it, but bc they struggle with incorporating all the siblings together, we really lose that thread from last season between him & anthony that could have given benedict a way to explore his sexuality in a slutty way while also giving anthony something to do & not drop the art school thing. however, this is all detailed and would take a lot of time and they only have eight episodes. why. do 13-18 or im gonna start sending death threats to ceos. for legal reasons that’s a joke haha.

i do think in the few kathony scenes we got, they nailed the dynamic that she is the world’s most put upon eldest daughterson and he needs to be institutionalized. pls put jonathan bailey and simone ashley in another thing together so i can see them together again. this can’t be the end. be the next tom hanks and meg ryan please. he george clooney and julia roberts. i’m on my knees here.

am i allowed to say i’m glad we got a long devirginizing scene like in s1 & qc but also we did not see Nearly enough of those two fucking. more than kathony but imo still not on the level of the other two. also you could write an essay here about the sex politics of this show. i will refrain and say Is This Not The Pervert’s Show?? Can we Please get better pandering????

i think no one can handle a big cast like shonda not even her hand picked teams. qc handled having a host of characters so much better. early grey’s is really great at this. htgawm is good at this. u can tell what season she was really In That Writer’s Room. shonda pls get back in the writer’s room i need something as emotionally devastating as “meredith i’m so sorry” “you must be the woman whose screwing my husband” i need sexy like the “teach me” scene but with the freedom of streaming to get freaky with it, this cast WANTS to deliver but netflix & these writers are NOT up to the challenge!!!

i love bi benedict. even if nothing else comes of this i didn’t think they’d genuinely have benedict get intimate with and acknowledge being attracted to a man. genuinely really jazzed about that. but they Have said they want to explore his ~fluidity more and there’s so many scenarios that could be, i have no idea what the hell they mean by that askksjd. crossdressing sophie, genderbent to solomon, a trans sophie/solomon of some persuasion, im excited to see where they go!

BI FRANCESCA. MICHAELA STIRLING. PEOPLE ARE HATING BUT YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION. esp bc you could do a michaela that has like, resigned herself to a life of never feeling love only to fall in love At Her Cousin’s Wedding so well with this. these three, michaela francesca john, are gonna break my HEART i’m READY for it!

i want the resolution to one of the gay couples to include brimsley & reynolds encouraging charlotte to cure society of homophobia somehow. if we can do this with racism we can do it with homophobia. why the hell not.

listen to me. listen closely. are you listening. if we don’t get lesbian eloise what are we even fucking doing here. enough fucking around. give me a real sign this is all going somewhere. i am no longer asking.

[snobgoblin]

Soooooooo... saw you exploring the concept of "who knows about Danny's patron" once more

and connecting back to my lucio's reaction ask [here], I thought about how all the M6 would react to that knowledge

I'm also gonna link you talking about this and this bc i feel like it's related :3

THANK YOU FOR LINKING i really appreciate that a lot ill also link this one that I've posted since I got this ask

ok so I'm gonna list them and explain when they figure it out and how they react to it then (i am eepy so sorry if this seems disjointed but hey we don't choose when the spark comes do we AND I might redo these later if I think of more well thought out answers later)

Asra

They definitely had their suspicions after he was able to break those chains and bind The Devil but it didn't truly click with him until Danny got his familiar. then he was just kind of like... ohhh. okay that makes sense. he doesnt see it as a negative thing, he's very open minded- especially when it comes to magic and its mysterious ways. basically just... gestures at this fic. it's something he knows quite a bit before Danny does but he lets him figure it out himself, and theyre patient with him because they understand it must be hard to learn you're associated with the guy that quite literally tried to fuck everything up. they do actually see it as a positive thing. like, a challenge in his perspective which he always enjoys, if that makes any sense. in conclusion it doesn't put him off in the slightest even though Danny thinks it really should

Nadia

its hard to say because it's not something she's necessarily looking for. she's a smart lady! she just doesn't have the familiarity with Tarot that say, Asra does, so she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge to put it together besides the card games she would play with her sisters as a kid- and even then that was a completely different deck. that being said her intuition game is insane so she has a *feeling*. you know. she knows there's more to him than there appears to be but I don't think it'd click until he came to her with that information. and- something to note is Danny's associations with this card- well they aren't great. he's only an apprentice after all and he doesn't quite get the nuances completely yet. he has very black and white thinking at times. so he himself takes this as a very negative thing- especially considering everything The Devil has done to everyone. so he's kind of a nervous wreck telling her this but he trusts her and feels like she should know. anyway how Nadia takes it is. kind of like "oh I just knew Lucio was too incompetent to be associated with him" like it makes a lot of sense to her. Danny's smart! so was The Devil. Lucio is well... Lucio. Nadia would also have quite a bit of wisdom about it I think. she really kind of grounds him in that way when he's torn up over it I guess. she's just kind of like "well. destiny is a nice thought but you do have free will so dont worry about this meaning youre secretly evil. youre just Danny and you always will be" i think she's said things in a similar vain before. ALSO ALSO her choice for his masquerade outfit ended up making more sense in hindsight. she does have a feel for these things sometimes without realizing it... like giving Lucio a dog mask. I feel like I did a whole lot of yapping and said a whole lot of nothing with this one. point is she takes it with grace and its not something she's worried about or shocked by

Julian

I'm struggling here because it's not a belief system he seems to be super invested in. sure he asks for a tarot reading in the prologue but he's always been more of a science guy and he quite literally doesn't know magic when he's staring it in the cauldron- so I don't know exactly how he would process this information? (as for how he learns- he's absolutely not figuring this out himself so Danny comes to him with this) and for the reason of confusion I feel like he'd take it the hardest. Danny's worried and Danny's a skilled magician, right? he really knows what hes talking about. so this has GOT to be bad, or he wouldn't be so worked up, right? and i mean, The Devil is the bad guy in so many fables. what's going to happen to him? is there any way they can stop it? should they just give up trying and stop worrying and give into their "true nature" (woohoo hanged man trait) whatever that means? he doesnt know. he doesnt know how this magic system works. he just tells Danny not to worry about it, just ignore it, but he does plenty of worrying for the both of them. walks on eggshells for a bit. keeps making accidental goat puns and putting his foot in his mouth. goes to Asra for advice. Asra tells him to chill the fuck out. you know how it is

Muriel

he's not... surprised when Danny comes to him. he's known for forever, because of his prophetic visions. he just gave up telling him because he always forgot anyway, and he didn't tell Asra because he didn't want them to take it the wrong way. but it's always something that made him... wary of Danny. he's had dreams of him absorbing The Devil's heart and taking over the world (vision of Lucios reversed end) and he's had visions of he and Asra being stranded in another dimension after making a deal with him (Asras reversed end) ...but he's also had visions of him sailing the world with Julian. or hell, even finding safety with Muriel himself. he's really wary because he doesn't quite know what to expect from him and it makes him nervous- not necessarily because he's The Devil, just, in general, but that association definitely doesn't put him at ease considering Lucio's obsession with him. Muriel hates goats because of it. but, when Danny comes to him he's just kind of like "I know" which catches him off guard and he's just kind of like "didn't see the point in telling you" which Danny's like okay fair, however-

Portia

oh she thinks it's so cool when Danny tells her. she already thought it was cool he came back from the dead (i believe the words she used were "zombie magician") and she treats it like one of her romance novels with the tortured and mysterious love interest. she's just like oh. well now you're even more charming. like a vampire. youre more complex now. WHICH IS NOT HOW DANNY THOUGHT SHED REACT. but she does think it's super cool (her only context for what The Devil is is, The Goat Guy so she sees it as like. you were supposed to be his henchman and then you weren't. if that makes sense) he insists that this isn't a good thing and she insists that he could literally murder someone and she would still love him (platonically or romantically!)

Lucio

JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS he really did identify with that card and he's devastated to learn it's not actually his and he got a "lame" card instead. but it does piss him off a lot because he hates being, what he perceives to be anything but "one of a kind" or "first place" at anything. why does he wanna be a card that sounds like such an insult when he could be a cool goat instead? it's no fair! he would call Arcana managers if he could but instead he settles for- depending on the route either chokes out a "congratulations" which surprises Danny or, if it's Lucio's route, he figures oh well if you can't be em date em. little does he realize just how special his own card is. because he's. well he's stupid. anyway he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him love Danny more

god I hope that makes sense it is 1 am LTDYDLLYDYRYL THIS WAS FUN THANK YOU

[deckerroosevelt]

Chapter 6, part 2

   That night I stayed awake. I couldn’t stop thinking about my uselessness. People here were so hostile and welcoming to me and I couldn’t offer anything to them. After I laid on my bed for a while, I went to my desk and wrote a plan. Decker had some facts in his speech. I could get good at something. I could try to read more and learn to write well. That would make me at least a little more useful. I could try to solve cases and then people could be proud of me. I finally had a family who could be proud of me, but I had nothing for them to be proud of.

   I could try to find Neda. There has to be some older cases of Harding and so I could get some leads. But what if I let others down and find nothing. I can’t give Treacher false hope. What if I’d ask Ambeth to look up Neda? That’s a great plan! 

   I felt good after making some sort of plan and even finding one solution. However I was restless. I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep. 

   I could sneak to the library.

   I opened my door and looked both ways in the hallway before leaving the room. The route was clear. I didn’t actually know where the library nor the archive were. They might be in the same place. But I knew the house and just kept playing ‘library’ and ‘archives’ in my mind as I went instinctively forward. And I found my way there. 

   The house was restrained everywhere but the absence of noise and any kind of sound was even more notable in the library. It was dark and all I saw was big shapes of huge bookshelves. I had no idea how big the library would be but I didn’t care at the moment. 

   Step 1: Read everyday. And for that I’d need something to read. But what? What am I interested in? Nothing that I could think of.

   if I would have had an idea what I wanted to read the job would have been a lot easier. But I didn’t, so instead I took a candle and went drifting around the place. many books there were in a language I couldn’t read. Some were so old, the English was too confusing. I didn’t even bother to try to read the scientific books. Too many words I wouldn’t know. 

   I must have gotten to the archive section at some point because the books were starting to turn to files. I turned back but the files just kept on popping everywhere. 

   “You want me to read files?” I mumbled but I soon realized that maybe it wasn’t a bad idea after all. They were shorter than actual books and maybe easier to understand. And I could find something regarding Neda and Harding. 

   The unsolved cases were categorized by the ways of death. I was a bit creeped out of how specific some of them were. Some had only a few files in them, but some more usual ways of death were more packed. I would have thought that the weirder ways would be easier to solve as the culprit’s victims were easy to recognize. 

   ‘Loss of all air in body’, ‘complete dehydration’, ‘Full loss of blood without any wounds’, ‘skinning’, ‘lost face’, ‘lost throat’, ‘lost soul’, ‘disjointing’, ‘burnt from inside’...

   ‘Disjointing’? It’s an unfamiliar word but it sounds like what Harding does. 

   I looked at the section and I was surprised how many there were. Was ‘disjointing’ really this popular? It had been only eight years that Harding went missing. He couldn’t have done all these, could he?

   I took out the last three files. They were in chronological order and I wanted to start from the latest cases. Then I would progress on to the older ones.

   Opening them released a puff of dust on my face but I tried to strangle out the cough. I didn’t want to make any sound. Not that I was scared of course.

   I looked through the files and wrote down some important points in my notebook. I tried to avoid looking at the pictures inside the folders, but sometimes if the case sounded potentially like Harding's job, I had to take a look. Nasty stuff, but at some point I started to mindlessly look at them. I tried hard to think about the people as subjectively as I could. 

   One important piece of information that I learned was that it wasn’t usual that nails were ripped off so clean as Harding did. It was a big help in trying to identify the one’s I was interested in. 

   After reading through ten files I had found only one case like Harding. It happened in a public place, nails were missing and all pieces were as if ripped off from the inside of the victim with no bruises on the skin. But the problem was that it happened in Birmingham. Everything else matches his operating style, but the locations. He has been in London and Birmingham, but if he went missing in Whimleton, why has he not been there?

   I was puzzled but also tired. I needed sleep so I snuck back to my room after putting the files back.

[reikiajakoiranruohoja]

W5 ranting again ft. Fenrir issues

I want to preface this by saying that W5 has good parts and with a bit of work the setting is much better than Legacy for new players. Why W5 bothers me is how some of its mechanics are extremely poorly thought out (quitting garou life for one, heightened senses giving you HUMAN SENSES IN LUPUS??) or are made to punish creativity (ritual frenzies.) But also, how one man's quest to make one tribe evil basically hurt the entire game.

To those not in the know, the Get of Fenris was a tribe that had some unfortunate symbols and sub-groups. It also sadly attracted players who wanted to actually play out those groups. To not mince words, neo-nazi were attracted to the tribe. Before the truth came out, I was miffed about losing the Fenrir but I understood why. I was confused why a tribe like Red Talons was kept, when they were a tribe that was just generally banned. It was only when a person working on a version of W5 came out and explained that the Fenrir were made bad guys NOT due to concerns of right wing players. No, because one guy high up wanted the whole tribe to be neo-nazi. Not only had the Fenrir in canon destroyed the neo-nazi camp, but the same writer wanted to kill off one of the indigenous tribes and remove the feminism from a tribe literally dedicated to sacred feminity. Luckily, the indigenous writers hired managed to talk him out of killing Younger Brother/Gale Stalkker/Winter's Teeth. But Furies lost their feminism and all cultural ties to tribes were removed. Well, that is not true, the Fenrir kept their ties to Nordic cultures. To the point of having gifts renamed to suit the viking image. Now, I must be fair and say that the person who pushed for Fenrir as antagonists is called Karim Muammar and he lives in Sweden. Given his name and general racism issues there, I am sure his vitriol came from a place of pain. Yet, there are better ways to handle including your own experiences to a game than the way Muammar went about it. For one, it says a lot that you want to include fascism in the game in a big way yet that you also want to remove feminism and destroy an indigenous tribe outright. Second, the laser focus on the Fenrir meant tribes like the Red Talons, Silver Fangs and Shadow Lords were kept as they were. While Fangs and Lords are generally popular, Talons whole deal is that they want humanity gone. Because humans hunt wolves and pollute nature, yes, but most people still felt uncomfortable with the tribe. It really seems like the only thing Muammar wanted for W5 was to have Fenrir as fascists. Otherwise, I can't really see Red Talons staying. The way the newly dubbed Cult of Fenris is used is also very clumsy and going against their whole ethos. In a free adventure, a pack of Fenrir are torturing another werewolf to make them join their cause. The problem with this is, that it goes against what the text in W5 has said about the tribe; That Fenrir see other tribes as weak and they are removed from the rest of Nation because THEY will still fight the Wyrm head on. A tribe like that would not torture someone to get them to join. They would see torture and breaking someone as weakness. This method of recruitment is more the wheelhouse of the Black Spiral Dancers. Corruption worshipping torturers who live by Zerg Rush rules. So the Fenrir have been given the MO of another tribe, just so they appear villainous. (Also, as a personal aside, sure was fun to read that the ONLY Finnish character in W5 is a neo-nazi. As in, outright stated to be one in the text.) The way the Fenrir are handled and how their reason of being foes is stated to be mental illness fascism all hurt W5 as a game. The focus and push to make them foes also meant other tribes of shady nature were ignored which adds to the disjointed nature of the game.

[weaseltotheface]

Weasel’s Weekly* Bumbleby Fic Rec! -May 12th 2023-

Welcome back again friends and enemies we are here today to celebrate another fic that probably doesn’t need to be recommended but i truly MUST

In honor of Tears of the Kingdom coming out today I can’t NOT rec one of my favorite aus of all time, one that made me literally go AHHHHHH out loud when i saw it

hear her in the wind  by @thecousinsdangereux

WIP or Completed AU or Canonverse Rating: M Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: "The wilds of Remnant hold history. (Ancient memories in fallen stone, foregone whispers filtered through the leaves of great oaks, the ghost of a touch carried by the breath of the wind.) Yang wakes one hundred years after catastrophe and must collect the pieces of her own past as she moves through places she can’t quite remember, searching for the people she loved a lifetime ago. Some things are stronger than the gaps cleaved by loss, and she will fight for a princess she recalls only in fragments, long before she fully understands why."

That’s right! Zelda au! How could i not do this one for today, if i’m the only one making a post about this fic today then like shame all around u guys fr.

The team dynamics in this are truly stellar and the memory flashes ala Breath of the Wild get u right where it counts. There’s a haunted energy around the whole thing that’s like...bittersweet, much like Breath of the Wild, obviously. Seeing them all interact in the memories Yang is trying to piece together makes me happy.

Personally i find Emerald to be a particularly wonderful highlight, she’s a little shit and i love her a lot.

The way the worlds are tied together is truly a masterpiece if i do say so myself. Nothing about the liberties taken with either property seem forced or out of place, it feels cohesive and melding two different worlds like that can be very challenging! It works remarkably well

Yang/Blake/Adam as Link/Zelda/Ganon is a paralell ive made posts about myself in the past because it really just feels RIGHT. It FITS as a theme across bumbleby aus and it fits as HELL when actually put into practice in a Zelda au.

I don’t wanna spoil anything so i’ll leave it at this, a nice disjointed, stream of consciousness lmao, i was gonna re-read this week but time got away from me, but its one i keep coming back to because i love the world building so much and I especially enjoy the character interactions. And Yang as Link is just truly inspired

I would say....that I recommend that you are at least familiar with Breath of the Wild before reading this one. I wouldn’t say you NEED to be, I believe it can stand on its own, but knowing the Zelda half is beneficial just to avoid confusion

*while supplies last

[muse-stellium]

|| Okay okay okay okay okaaaaay.

I'm still kinda processing things so this might be a lil all over the place and not to mention hella long I'm sorry the brain went brrrrr, but T8 thoughts tiiime. Absolute T8 spoilers below the cut

✦ First & foremost I do want to say that overall? I liked it. I wasn't amazed by it? It felt very reminiscent of things I've seen before, a lot of familiar tropes and all that, but I do think I might grow to love it someday. Do I think there are things they could've done better? Absolutely. But it also could've been a lot worse. Most of my greatest concerns didn't come into fruition, so even though I do think everything felt a bit rushed, I'll consider it a win lmao.

✦ Tbh I don't have a lot to say about everything that happened between Jin & Kazuya - which is wild bc y'know main plot - but like.. It feels too familiar. Too many familiar tropes to capture my interest I think? By the second chapter I was already going "this reminds me of this, this reminds me of that" every few minutes and just nothing felt.. unique with those two this time. I will say Jin's Angel form looks neat, and it does make me wonder about the Kazama clan's possible connection to Angel. But that's about all I have to say there unfortunately 🥲

✦ I both love and am kinda confused by all the fighters working together thing tbh. If only bc it feels a little disjointed for most of them to barely say a word to each other throughout all of the other previous games, and then to just suddenly come work together, to help protect Jin, who started this war in the first place 😬. – But at the same time that logic aside, that's also somewhat what I was hoping for?? Like I've been saying I wanted T8 to be some avengers assemble like scenario for years now lol. I just think there could've been more interaction prior that would've made it make more sense?

✦ In that line of thought, I am not a big fan of how the Jin vs Kazuya teams were divided for kinda the same reason? Mainly Marshall. Best buds with Paul all these years, they're literally the bromance of Tekken and all of a sudden he joins the bad guys all bc "yOu dIdn'T PaY mE" – I think it would've been a lot better if we could've actually seen how Nina recruited them? While I love her, she absolutely the Queen tm, she is.. a master manipulator. She absolutely manipulated them somehow into thinking joining G-corp was a good idea. Like maybe Marshall's financial woes run deeper than we know, and she used that to her advantage. Maybe she convinced Azucena with the thought they could protect her family and her farm, or maybe it was a Josie situation where Josie believed the Mishima Zaibatsu was a force of good, maybe Nina got Azucena to believe that about G-Corp with how she seemed to be up for fighting for world peace. But by not showing the reasoning behind it.. it just feels wrong and puts a lot of those characters in a weird light to me.

✦ ^ The same goes for my girl Nina this time around. 😔 We've been sitting here debating on why she would ever possibly join Kazuya with their history and her seemingly being such close allies w Jin before. It's completely out of character for her, there must be a reason, we've been wondering what the reason is and finally... we're not given one. It's just like "Oh, you work for him now." No comments made about it whatsoever. And there's some pro's to that? Namely yes it maintains her enigmatic nature, and it leaves a lot of possibilities open. But I think there's more cons to it than anything, bc this is absolutely just going to fuel the surface stereotype within the fandom that Nina's just a cold hearted killer who only cares about money. This game when taken at surface value (which I've noticed outside of on here, a large majority of fans seem to take things at), kinda gave her the appearance of a character with no depth whatsoever and that... tbh that scares me bc the treatment of her character within the fandom is already so bad...? And then to add the possibility that she may work with Reina of all people next time around just perpetuates that even further. Especially when you remember that this may be the first Tekken game for a lot of fans who came from Bloodline.

✦ On the other hand however, I will say I'm not as upset about what T8 did w Nina's character than what Bloodline did w her. I was hella concerned we'd be dealing w another bloodline scenario of her just being tossed aside, and in a way we definitely are? But at the very least, this time when I try to look from Nina's perspective, I can see multiple possibilities for why she just left / worked w Kazuya at all that would be within her character. W what happened in Bloodline I couldn't do that no matter how hard I tried. But here it's mainly just that none of them were addressed that's the problem. It's left too open, and it doesn't paint a good picture. — W the comment Lee & Lars made about "the G-Corp assassin", and how casual she seems to be w Lee in her character ep + intros, there's still the hella slim subtle possibility Nina could be secretly working for both sides. She did what she was tasked to do, and got out once her job was done. - There's the possibility that w how her T8 bio again brings up her doubts about hurting people for the first time since T2, maybe something finally clicked there mid battle. Maybe it was the realization that "oh joy there's another devil in the mix" and it'd be better w this new information to watch how this plays out. - Hell if we dare to hella hope about things lol, maybe w all the dbd easter eggs thrown out there this time and seeing her featured on a ship for the first since then, maybe she dipped to set up the plot of dbd 2 - It could be anything! And that's the problem.

✦ Overall bc of all of this, while I do think it's neat, and I do like a lot of it, it feels very... rushed. It really reminds me of when you go to reread old threads or your past writing, and in hindsight you realize "Wow I really rushed this part, I forgot to include this this & this bc I was too excited about what was to come next", which is kinda disappointing bc this was supposed to be this huge pivotal moment in the storyline. But then that also makes me wonder y'know.. what's to come next that they're possibly so excited to get to? 😶

Anyway! Hella hella long story short, I liked it. I'm not in love w it. I think it could've been done better. I might grow to love it later on, and I do have more thoughts on it like on what happened to Claudio & Zafina, Reina is a whole can of worms that I don't want to get into rn lmaooo, but this is already so long BYEEEEE

[askstorybrookehq]

"I'll always find you".

Name/nickname: Admin Naomi

Your Birthday + Birthyear: 24 oct 1995

Timezone: gmt+1/2

Triggers: spiders, snakes

—

In character

 age: [BIRTHDAY + ZODIAC]: Oct 25 Scorpio, 34

height: 1m76

build: atletic

eyes color: blue

hair:  brownish blonde

 5 STATS: Charming, Caring, impulsive, dorkish, foolish

DAVID is TAKEN by ADMIN NAOMI

David Nolan slowly opened his eyes to the sterile brightness of the hospital room. The soft hum of machines and the faint beep of his heart monitor filled the air, grounding him in a reality he had been absent from for months. Everything felt surreal, like waking from a dream he couldn’t quite remember. He blinked, struggling to focus, his mind foggy, memories distant and disjointed.

A soft voice caught his attention. “David? Can you hear me?”

He turned his head slowly, and there she was—Mary Margaret, standing beside his bed, her eyes wide with concern and relief. She had been by his side, visiting every day, even though they had never truly met before his accident. Something about her felt familiar, though he couldn’t place it. She wasn’t just a nurse, though that was how she had introduced herself. There was a deeper connection, something unspoken between them.

“Mary Margaret…” David's voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, but it made her smile, that gentle, reassuring smile that always made the room feel a little warmer.

“You’re awake,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “We were so worried.”

David nodded slightly, his mind trying to piece together the fragmented thoughts swirling in his head. His body ached, but more than that, his heart felt heavy, as if something was missing. Then, in a sudden rush, flashes of memory came back to him—his fiancée, Kathryn. They were engaged. He had been with her for years, hadn’t he? The thought of her brought a flicker of guilt.

Kathryn had visited him too, he was sure of it. She must have, but in this moment, all he could think about was Mary Margaret. Her presence felt comforting, calming, and real in a way that nothing else did.

“Where’s… Kathryn?” David asked, his brow furrowing.

Mary Margaret's smile faltered just a bit, though she recovered quickly. “She’s been here too, of course. But… I’ve been here more often.” She hesitated before adding, “She cares about you a lot.”

David felt a wave of confusion wash over him. Kathryn. Mary Margaret. His head ached from the whirlwind of thoughts, but one thing stood out, clear and undeniable: the more time he spent with Mary Margaret, the more he felt drawn to her. She was always there, always caring, and always present in a way that Kathryn wasn’t. He remembered vague moments during his coma—dreamlike conversations, and fleeting feelings—and in all of them, Mary Margaret had been the anchor that kept him from drifting away.

As the days passed, David’s strength returned, but so did his confusion. His feelings for Mary Margaret were growing stronger, even though his engagement to Kathryn loomed over him like a dark cloud. He knew it wasn’t fair to Kathryn, but with Mary Margaret, everything felt easy, natural. She understood him in ways he couldn’t explain. There was an unspoken bond between them, as if they were meant to be.

One evening, after his physical therapy session, David found himself alone with Mary Margaret in his hospital room. The sun was setting, casting a soft golden light across the room. The air was heavy with something unspoken, a tension neither of them could ignore any longer.

“Mary Margaret…” David began, unsure of how to even approach the subject. His heart was racing.

“Yes?” she asked, her eyes locking with his, filled with that same warmth that had pulled him back to consciousness.

“I don’t know how to say this, but…” He hesitated, struggling to find the right words. “Ever since I woke up, I’ve felt… different. Not just physically, but emotionally. I don’t know if it’s the coma or the fact that everything feels like it’s been reset, but…” He took a deep breath. “I feel something for you. Something I can’t explain.”

Her eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, she was speechless. Then, she looked down, her cheeks flushing with a mix of emotion. “David, you’re engaged. Kathryn—she loves you.”

“I know,” David said quickly, his voice filled with regret. “I know she does. And I care about her, but what I feel for you… it’s different. It feels right.”

Mary Margaret shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. “This isn’t fair to any of us.”

David reached out, gently taking her hand. “I don’t know what’s fair anymore. All I know is that when I look at you, I feel alive. I don’t want to hurt Kathryn, but I can’t ignore this.”

For a moment, the world outside the room disappeared. It was just the two of them, trapped in this impossible situation, torn between loyalty and undeniable feelings.

Mary Margaret finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I feel it too, David. I’ve felt it since the day you woke up. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

David squeezed her hand, his eyes searching hers. “Maybe it is.”

As they stood there, uncertain of the future, one thing was clear: David’s heart was no longer bound to the life he had before the coma. It had found something new, something he hadn’t been looking for—but now that it was here, he couldn’t let it go.

[vitaminwaterreviews]

f(x) - Pink Tape

Speechless. Fuck the average of the songs, this now my favorite kpop album ever. 10.0. This has changed my view of music as a whole, and my life will never be the same.

(The song average is 8.3 if you’re curious).

Alright, so I feel like I do need to preemptively explain myself here. I don’t know very much f(x) at all. I’ve heard a couple of titles, I’ve checked out a few songs from Red Light, and … that’s literally it. So even though I do know a bit about this group and its history, I’m still quite fresh regarding their sound and what to expect. With that in mind:

Rum Pum Pum

Love the instrumentation in the opening

Set design feels very SNSD

Fun choreo

This bass/guitar line is so groovy

Pretty harmonies in what I assume is the pre chorus

Not impressed at all by the MV, but the choreo is fun, and it seems to be primarily focusing that

Love the verses, not convinced by the chorus yet

Fun rap section

Good use of silence

Okay, yeah, I think I buy that

8/10, my favorite of the f(x) titles I’ve heard so far. Groovy and fun

Shadow

Haha this feels so Red Velvet

Creepy chimes and synths

Groovy verse, low breathy voices, those chimes are still sticking around

Electric piano and bass beat

Okay this vibes. If I’m supposed to be picturing a shadow, it’s a playful shadow, like Peter Pan

Y’know what this reminds me of? Milk! It’s weird and quirky but super groovy

8/10

Pretty Girl

Hip hop?

The intro certainly is. That bass

But the guitar and verse feels way more … poppy?

Not sure what to make of the pre-chorus, everything got Loud all of a sudden

Same with the chorus. Wasn’t particularly catchy

Lol that rap

The ahhhs in the bridge are fun

Yeahhh I’m still not convinced by the chorus, but still a very fun song

7/10

Kick

And now we’re synthy

I like that all of these songs so far have had proper intros

An instrumental intro nonetheless!

I’m so confused what emotion this song is supposed to be conveying

Mix of vocal timbres and instrumental timbres feel disjointed

Oh okay, it’s like a hype song

I genuinely don’t know what to make of this song, same for the last one. But I sure enjoy listening to it more than the 1st gens

Lol wait why does this remind me of Itzy’s Ringo

This is Not something Red Velvet would do, but it’s kind of SNSD on LSD

Speaking of which what the hell is this bridge

7/10 but I would not be surprised if this song has a cult following, perhaps one day I’ll join them lmao

Signal

Disco, pretty strings and that Bass

Again, what’s the vibe of this supposed to be?

Dance Pop I guess

The ooohs are fun

This song is definitely more cohesive than the previous ones, like it clearly knows what it is. Not sure if it’s my style though

7/10

Step

Not too instrumental, very drum and vocal heavy, bit of saxophone, and I have no idea what that background instrument is, very muted

Okay, here’s the chorus, this is a jam

Kind of wish the saxophone was stronger

Pretty harmonies in the second verse, I like that a lot

8/10, probably the least “interesting” song so far but it was a vibe

Goodbye Summer

Wait, so they just didn’t put Victoria or Sulli on this song? That’s interesting, wonder why

And why feature D.O.? Maybe he fills their vocal roles?

Nice acoustic intro, electric piano

Verrrry pretty male vocals

Eyy eyy yeah

Maybe I do like slow jams when they’re acoustic guitar slow jams haha

This is the most “normal” song on the album so far. Like they’re playing this SUPER safe

Probably not to make D.O. look bad haha

I just listened to The Grace yesterday, and I must say, I prefer the vocal tone of whoever they had belting vs whoever’s doing the high notes here

Lalalala

8/10, I genuinely am a sucker for this type of music

Airplane

Alright, we gonna get weird again, or we gonna stay poppy?

This intro could go either way

So far we are quite poppy, but still different from what we’ve had so far. This is more like house/EDM timbres

Yeah holy shit you could have this song on Geometry Dash haha

Here it comessssss

Yeah, this is Good

“Come with me / Airplane / Love” lol I wonder who they paid to write those lyrics

Maybe I should check out the lyrics

Oh my god and pretty vocals over the beat

9/10, this is my type of music and they honestly did it really well

Toy

Here go, back to weird

Honestly I just love how aggressive this song is. I feel like modern kpop doesn’t do aggression as well, peak 2.5th gen

I haven’t commented on the timbres: we’ve got cute little bells in the background and everything else is just LOUD

“I’m transforming now” wtf

I’m reminded of Dance Dance Revolution which tbf informed a lot of my early music taste

THE BREAKDOWN HOLY SHIT

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THIS SONG NEEDED

I’m laughing so hard

Holy shit there are actually tears in my eyes

10/10. This song is the perfect version of itself holy shit. I’m going to relisten to this right now oh my god

I’m literally still laughing

Yeah, this is such a good song

This is literally perfect. This ENTIRE project was worth it just so I could come across this song

I don’t want to finish this album, I want to keep listening to this song

Do I have tooooooo

Okay fine

No More

I just want it known that I’m here begrudgingly and so that will probably affect this song’s score

Ooooh wop

Doo-wop? We haven’t had that yet

The bass here is groovy as hell, the vocals are super fun

I guess the only logical way to follow THAT song is a fun doo-wop song, that makes sense

I wonder what Wikipedia thinks this album’s genre is?

“Synth-pop, electro-pop, electronica” yeah fair enough but that’s more a failure of our definitions of genres

This bridge is pretty

Are those strings there in the bridge? Neat

Giggles and talking in the outro is fun

9/10, maybe I’m still high from Toy but oh my god

Snapshot

And we follow with Drama

In the style of musical theatre, it’s got the bass and the piano and the-

Oh never mind

We’re back to electro-pop

This mix of instrumentation is so good

Talk about an album ending strong. Those 7’s in the beginning worried me. But nope, this album is everything they said it would be

This chorus is fun, I’m dancing in my chair

All it’s missing is a true instrumental break

The outro is kind of that but I could’ve used more

9/10

Ending Page

Back to rock

This definitely feels like an ending song, acoustic guitar has that feel

The piano samples too

The “ayo ayo” part is really really fun

The verses feel So good to listen to, pure ear candy

Yeah, this chorus at 2:10, I’m really feeling this

I want a good strong ending, give me something here

Yes.

The vocalizations are exactly it.

9/10

[arcane-temp-fandomblog]

Arcane plotlines / Fissures, illness & mines

One of the most disjointed narrative lines in Arcane is the air and the mines in the fissures. So I guess season 2 setup? Or is it window dressing? Because nearly every character is connected to it

This is not first time fissures are mentioned but Silco's story is most put together so I'll start with that. And I think it connects to reasons for rebellion he and Vander wanted to do against Piltover.

So Silco came from the mines., Vander did too (Sevika maybe didn't? she needs breathing aid). This must have been the economic situation in the undercity pre-rebellion. We know that since Vander even had hanged the mining gloves in Last Drop. But the chembarons can't handle the air.

Look at the glee of this self made working-class man, Silco is an aspirational figure some of the time. I'd be Silco.

So since Powder's and Vi's parents joined the rebellion, they must have been in similar circumstances to Vander & Silco, right?

Then there is the disaster man himself, Jayce and his not-sister's not-girlfriend. Which is first mention of fissure mining and the story starts like this:

Ah, the good old times right? I really wonder if 'mining colonies' is not like idyllic version going around Piltover of what was happening, looking at Silco, Vander & Vi's parents all deciding to rebel against their city-state. Vi and Powder probably don't remember it thou. But good old days Arcane wise. Everything seemed so simple.

It continues like this: I'm not sure Jayce has right idea where Viktor's illness comes from 'coz I don't trust Jayce asks people before jumping to conclusions.

and that's how it ends. And one maybe small thing - both of them can kind of breath there. So maybe the air has improved. Maybe not? I think this is also the moment the idea how 'mining colonies' work dies alongside the Hextech dream plans. And Piltover's idea of Progress. If I assume correctly 'Snakes' is Jayce's pov/context song.

Then there is connecting piece in council archives because I think Council Archives are for now accessible only till time they're introduced. So aside from Jayce's, all of them cover the time skip. For Caitlyn, it's infuriatingly all from time she's still an enforcer - so she believes enforcers are good and right. So we can't trust her notes. But it's the In Plain Sight chapter.

It starts with a young girl missing from Zaun report to the enforcers.

NAME: ██████████ SEX: FEMALE DOB: █████ HEIGHT: SHORT WEIGHT: THIN EYE COLOR: BROWN HAIR COLOR: BLONDE

[Edit: And since the name must be a spoiler, the only young girl in LoL Lore that matches that description is Amaranthine from Jayce's short story - since we know it's more popular in Zaun to name children after colours or terms: Sky, Powder Blue, Violet, etc. - so Amaranthine could fit right in. Caitlyn's "The Grand Conspiracy" everyone, it's real. We're going there in this post LoL Lore and Arcane are same universe, most PvZ LoL Lore bios (+ short stories w/o author or not in 1st person) = Arcane - Council Archives that is censorship so Piltover keeps being the city of Progress. You play as the archivist exploring The council archives, and at the end this is your message 'But alas, our ongoing efforts to protect Piltover must be kept secret. There are those that wish to destroy the very foundations that make our city of progress, well... progress!'. Yes... I probably sound just as insane as Caitlyn to Jayce.]

Anyway, on saner plain of mind, a lot of files are written by Marcus, so even more confusing since he covers up stuff. But most importantly these 3 pieces. It's about a hospital - of sorts. I'll colour what imo. is important:

REJECTED BY ORDER OF CAPTAIN MARCUS ██████████PILTOVER ENFORCER DEPARTMENT PRESS RELEASE Abduction Ring in the Undercity On ██████, a Piltover enforcer on a routine patrol was alerted to strange noises coming from the sewage tracks running between the Fissures and the streets above. Backup was deemed unnecessary, and the enforcer proceeded to investigate the disturbances. Entering the pipes, the enforcer followed the noise - a sort of mechanical whirring (ADD THAT HE HEARD CRYING, TOO). The enforcer gave a verbal warning that he was marching forward. There was no response. The enforcer continued deeper down into the lanes. They reached a wall obstructed by a large metal gate. The enforcer brute-forced the gate open and proceeded down a dark passage in the waste-management system. Some time down the path, the enforcer was alerted to a bright light coming through a crack in the wall. Moving several bricks aside, they entered into what appeared to be a make-shift hospital. In the hospital, several children were sat at (CHANGE TO STRAPPED TO) beds and hooked up to machinery. Syringes at the arms, legs, and neck injected a greyish-green liquid into their squirming bodies. At this time, the Piltover Enforcers suspect that the children were part of scientific experiments. Upon safe return to Piltover, one child was identified as ██████████, a missing child reported over a month ago. They were reunited with their mother, a citizen of Zaun. The other children have yet to be identified. The illegal operation has been shutdown and all equipment confiscated for examination by Piltover Enforcement. Any potential leads should be reported to authorities.

So firstly this is the rejected version of Piltover Press release, was it silenced by Marcus forever or just rewritten to be published, we don't know. We also - from the edits - can't be sure if the story was already changed. We know that enforcers usually make very grand claims about resourcefulness and bravery on their part from the funeral of dead enforcer's scene with Marcus. So how the enforcer stumbled upon it, we don't know - seems implausible.

These are Caitlyn notes:

Were the children there voluntarily? Why was it shutdown? How did the officer just stumble on the hospital? Tipped off? WHO IS RUNNING THE OPERATION?!

The second piece comes from what allegedly was happening from child that was admitted to the 'hospital', interviewed by the enforcer (but we should already know from Viktor's lore that children aren't best witnesses):

LOCATION: OFFICE OF PILTOVER ENFORCEMENT PURSUANT TO CASE #4435 (...) ENFORCER Good. If you cooperate with the enforcers, that's how we can help you. BGWI know. ENFORCER You seem like a smart kid. ENFORCER Start at the beginning. BGW I have trouble breathing. A lot of kids in the Fissures do. BGW They, um, they offered me a chance to be healthier. ENFORCER ██████████ BGW ██████████ ENFORCER ██████████ BGW ██████████ BGW *coughing* ENFORCER So you're saying that they lied? ENFORCER The chemicals… What did they do? BGW I don't know. ENFORCER Was it shimmer? BGW Not like any shimmer I'd seen before. ENFORCER How was it different? BGW It powered their machines. ENFORCER These illegal experiments. BGW...Yes. ENFORCER And did you ever catch a glimpse of who was running things? BGW She wore a suit- UNKNOWN Officer, stop the recording.

I think the unknown voice is Marcus who recognises it's Renni. But that in a second.

The 'not shimmer' shimmer can only be either still in development chemtech or the 'orange substance' that is also in Jinx's weapons. But I think the orange one is the variant of shimmer that Singed developed later for Warwick (since there are more than one). Chemtech seems to be powering machines like the suits in the mines and firelights' boards. Can't wait to see if it's a moral issue for Ekko that he chose chemtech over shimmer, not knowing that's how it was 'developed'.

Then we also get that many children in the fissures develop breathing problems, which loops back to Viktor. And they may agree to for example very unfortunate experiments to alleviate those health issues from very shady 'hospitals'.

If anyone ever doubted why Hexcore "healing magic" may be actually important to the plot and not only Viktor's one man quest to heal himself. I'm pretty sure that story-plotline would look much different if the technology development was happening in Zaun.

Unless these illegal hospital experiments are something Viktor was involved, which idk - maybe? One never knows, the archive for now is redacted. That's the thing - since Marcus is the person compiling that file, we can't be sure if it's not ie. some errant organisation or a hospital run by firelights. But much more probable that Marcus was gathering dirt on all of the undercity's chembarons - just like he kept Vi in prison just in case. A security.

Anyway, then there's connecting 'evidence':

And this suit looks eerily familiar to one from Jayce and Vi fight, but the second piece of evidence has note it was manufactured for Renni. Which would make sense since her child was a "shift overseer" - mask and all. Family business (no that doesn't make his death better, lol, just everyone has to work in Zaun).

But that may mean it wasn't a shimmer mine, shimmer was there to give children strength to do 'chemtech' mining. Maybe? Like with Jayce and Vi - it's the issue of blind leading blind. He was in the undercity last time around the same time as Vi. It was probably Renni's mine, not Silco's.

[Edit: I forgot to add what started this whole post - Caityn's LoL Lore bio since I was playing with Caitlyn's "The Grand Conspiracy" theory - the truth staring her in the face. From bio: In just a few years, she made a name for herself as someone who could help with matters mundane and… more esoteric. After a particularly traumatic case involving a missing hextech device and a series of child abductions, Caitlyn was summoned by the Wardens. She had been recommended by one of their number who had also developed something of an affinity for stranger cases—and their battle with a host of rogue chimerics in the employ of a lunatic chem-researcher driven mad by his own concoctions led to her being offered a formal position as a sheriff. ] That must be Jinx' one time or the other stealing stuff from Jayce's lab and the other must be the case In plain sight. Which made me think this case must be connected to some wider plot - and since she ends up as a sheriff at the very end - makes it feel suspicious in the light of Arcane. Yep, I don't blame Jayce calling it "The Grand Conspiracy".

Anyway, now much more of conjecture link, from Powder's journal of what happened to all the children at the hospital that someone didn't issue 'Missing person' report. Or the one that did.

Entry #4

██████████████

Lined up all the little duckies in a row

Why did they look so sad?

They'll be together after

Wherever people after go

Entry #5

There has to be an after

Vi and I will go there

Entry #8

██████████████

They stared at me

I closed their eyes

But I still see them

I'm really not sure if that's connected, but seems like some sorts of cover-up. Either for 'hospital' children or the one that had family that could start spreading rumours in the undercity about the 'hospital' experiments. Anyway something Jinx witnessed and drew in that timeskip span.

So now the last bits and pieces, Viktor:

Who most probably has the same issue as the child interviewed by the enforcers, from the 'hospital', because he grew up in fissures. Maybe, that's the root of his illness - if that's information they spoke about with Jayce it was infuriatingly in that timeskip part which Jayce's journal doesn't cover since it was published before timeskip.

But I assume yes.

And then finally this connected part maybe:

It kind of points that Singed's daughter he speaks to Silco about when Jinx may die, and for which he most probably started research into Shimmer for, is Orianna (as resemblance in the locket). Since this poor girl had to undergo a lot of painful surgeries and augments, which shimmer would allow to survive. And Orianna in lore:

News of disaster in the undercity of Zaun made its way to their shop. An explosion had ruptured a chemical line, venting clouds of poisonous gas. Orianna insisted they help the victims, but Corin forbade it. Zaun was far too dangerous. So, with as many supplies as she could carry, Orianna snuck away in the night and rode the hexdraulic descender into the depths. The devastation was overwhelming. Debris still filled the streets, and Zaunites walked through the toxic haze, faces covered with little more than oily rags. Night after night, Orianna repaired respirators and installed esophilters. She even gave her own mask to a child who could scarcely breathe. Her father was furious, but soon after her return, Orianna fell gravely ill. Her lungs were ravaged past all hope of recovery. Refusing to accept this, Corin threw himself into his most ambitious project yet: a fully functional set of artificial lungs

Which if it is Orianna, it will be very interesting, because that Piltovian girl went to help people in the undercity and died for it in a manner of speaking. That is why congregation of the 'Gloriously evolved' is aligned with the Grey Lady - matching Orianna's new body appearance.

And him and Orianna both working on body augments trying to save her life, would be the thing against Piltover's ethos that Singed parted ways with Heimerdinger for.

And probably how he crossed pathways with Silco.

Singed why you speak in riddles, if it's 'love & legacy' vs 'Progress', then if your daughter is Orianna - you're the 'love & legacy' part of the equation, and you weren't ready to sacrifice that for Progress. Between you and Heimerdinger that is. Is that your issue with Piltover? They were unhappy with you not letting your daughter waste away due to chemspill in the undercity? Was you both trying to save her against ethos too? Is that how you ended up in Zaun, saving all random daughters like Jinx and Vi with your shimmer invention?

That would be a funny twist, wouldn't it?

Anyway, a lot of disjointed plot along most characters is connected to this few points - mines, fissures, lung illness caused by pollution. And I guess all of that was somehow connected to the first rebellion we see.

Also mandatory, hexcore is evil and under any circumstances shouldn't be researched. Heimerdinger said so.

“Piltover the land of progress, equality, innovation.” What did you do that your own people rebelled against you?

Edit: Continuation of this theory:

Arcane plotlines / Shimmer & Chemtech - Zaun’s national exports

Arcane Symbols of change / Firelights, Crow, Butterfly and the “Bastion of Enlightenment” that is beacon to all the Moths

/

Is this plotline why we don't have Caitlyn and Viktor talking to each other whole season? or why Caitlyn and Vi separate because Cait would know it's Renni's mine?

Other posts by me - Arcane meta analysis posts - mostly politics, tech and character parallels

How the fuck am I supposed to tag this, that's most of the cast.

[thewertsearch]

GG: sorry either myself or my devilbeast is haunting your dreams!

EB: i don't think i am actually saving the world here. :( EB: i dunno what i'm really accomplishing but i guess it's not that. GG: hmm well i think whatever it is it must be pretty important! GG: dont lose hope john i think it will all turn out for the best if you stay positive....

Since we know you’re a bit of a clairvoyant, that ‘if’ reads as more than a little ominous. The vibe I’m getting is that GG is trying to either prevent or cause some sort of event...

GG: just keep listening to your grandmothers advice!!!

...and it's got something to do with Sburb. GG got these kids into this mess, and they really want their friends to play along. 

EB: like maybe you know more about a thing than you are telling me? i dunno. GG: oh well john GG: i want to explain lots of things to you.... GG: some things that i know GG: im just...... GG: waiting!

Ah.

I'm starting to smell a stable time loop.

GG doesn't want to hide information here - she has to. I think she's tiptoeing around the classic precog’s dilemma - if she tells John what’s going to happen, it won’t. 

GG: i forgot i was messaging you about that meteor that fell near my house! EB: oh yeah. EB: what ever happened with that? GG: oh boy.... well........ GG: it turns out i was confused about it... GG: really confused! o_o; GG: see i guess i fell asleep for a while and..... GG: lost track of time

Lost track of time, did you? A neat little phrase for a girl who wants to tell the truth, but can’t be honest.

Did you actually see a meteor at all, GG? Or maybe you saw a meteor that hasn't fallen yet? Or is it both, but it happened in a dream? Did you see your meteor, the one which heralds your eventual entry into the Medium?

I feel like we're really close here to getting some answers. If GG has been having prophetic visions/dreams, it would explain why her info is so scattershot and disjointed - it’s less a power she has, and more something that’s happening to her.

GG: oh gosh john i really want to tell you all this stuff!!! GG: but i cant yet GG: i really think you need to wake up first! EB: huh? GG: well ok not literally GG: well ok maybe KINDA literally!!

Ok.

OK I think I'm starting to get it.

GG is a dreamwalker. She has prophetic dreams - involuntarily - and they lock her into stable loops. She seems to be implying here that John has the potential to do the same, once he’s ‘awakened’ in the literal-non-literal sense of a dream prophet.

I think this is a Sburb effect. John himself has just fallen into a strange, trancelike sleep out of nowhere, shortly after his entry into the Medium - like the Medium has awakened some latent power in him, or granted him one. Did the same thing happen to GG?

But GG’s been having prophetic dreams for months at least. Don’t tell me Rose doesn't know where GG lives because GG lives in the Incipisphere?

[anotherdayinchuckletown]

Savior Complex, Chapter 1

Summary: Max Shaw is a haunted man, both figuratively and literally. He also has an unhealthy desire to save the day. Sophia Holland is a living ghost from his past with the same desire. When she reappears in his life, they decide they must work together in order to take down The Grabber. With their individual specters closing in on them, their only hope is to accomplish their goal before it is too late.

TWs: explicit sexual content in later chapters, graphic depictions of violence, drug abuse, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced alcoholism, organized crime

A/N: This story is written by an adult, for adults. MINORS DNI. Mind the tags, folks - this is going to be a wild one. As anyone who has read my sporadic Max Shaw-posting knows, I’ve toyed with the idea of him having the same supernatural abilities as Gwen and Finney. Well, now I’ve written an entire story around it. This story has been months and months in the making, so I hope you all enjoy it. If you do, please LIKE AND REBLOG, it really helps us artists and writers more than you know. (cross-posted to my AO3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43274973/chapters/108773685)

Without any further ado, here we go!

******************************************************************************

That tree across the street hadn't always been so creepy.

In fact, when Max was a kid, he used to love that old tree. Its branches didn't always look as though they could snap off at any moment with a well-timed gust. They were once much stronger, much sturdier. It used to grow thousands of vibrant, green leaves in the spring, hiding those gnarled branches and all they encompassed from the outside world. 

He spent an awful lot of time up there in his youth, both he and Al. Entire afternoons spent talking about anything and everything–or, more accurately, Max would talk while Al would nod his head every so often. Never interrupting, but never really contributing either, only listening patiently until the owner would poke her head outside and catch them up there, hollering for them to terrorize someone else's yard. 

They were both just glad to be out of the house for a bit, to have some space between them and their father. Away from the shouting, away from the smell of cheap beer that always burned his nostrils, away from that fucking belt.

Max is staring at that tree now, barren and decaying against a cloudy Denver sky. In the recesses of his cloudy mind, he registers that he technically shouldn't even be in Denver yet, isn't supposed to be leaving Durango until tomorrow morning. Yet, here he stands in his childhood front yard, squinting in confusion at that goddamned dead tree.

In the corner of his eye, he swears there is a little boy in the window of the house behind it, but he can't be certain. The silhouette is blurry and unfocused in his periphery. Any time he attempts to look directly at it, it vanishes.

The property itself seems to be calling him towards it, spindly limbs beckoning him over. Casting better judgment aside, he follows, his reluctant footsteps deafening against the silent backdrop of the empty street. Dread weighs him down, makes him feel as though he's wading through molasses. Yet, he presses forward, experience telling him something very important is waiting inside that house.

He doesn't get far.

For a terrifying split second, everything goes dark, the world around him plunged into nothingness. He does not return to the yard as before. Instead, images flash through his mind, quick and disjointed.

An overturned bicycle.

A cluster of balloons, black as pitch.

Blood on the pavement.

Horrible, discordant laughter. Filling his eardrums, rattling his skull. Too loud, too loud, too loud! 

Max wakes with a jolt, sweating buckets and breathing as heavily as if he'd just run a marathon. The smell of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air, making his head ache, and the sheets covering him are uncomfortably stiff. He sits up, slowly remembering where he is.

The only source of light is the television, accidentally left on overnight, casting the tiny motel room in a harsh glow. An excited saleswoman encourages him to buy an opal brooch for only three easy payments of ninety-nine ninety-nine. Call now, and save an extra thirty percent!

Peering over at the nightstand, he checks the digital clock. Realizing it's nearly eight thirty in the morning, he balks. Did he really crash for five hours? Damn, he's more tired than he thought.

Samson remains curled up at the foot of the bed, ears twitching as he chases squirrels in dreamland. Max gets out of bed, very careful not to wake him. It had been a pain in the ass finding a pet-friendly place, and the last thing he needs is for Samson to start barking and get them kicked out.

Groggily, Max heads into the dingy bathroom. The echoes of that deranged laughter still ringing in his head, he flips on the light and gets a look at himself in the mirror.

Man, he looks like shit. His eyes are sunken and bloodshot, he's covered in sweat, and he's in desperate need of a shave. He'll need to hit the drug store and grab a razor before he catches the bus into Denver. Al already sounded ticked off about having to pick him up on such short notice; he'd definitely flip his lid if Max showed up looking every bit like the couch-surfing riffraff he currently is.

He also notices a smidgen of dried blood around his nose, which he must have missed from that particularly bad nosebleed he'd had last night. Turning the faucet, he splashes his face, chasing off the last vestiges of restless slumber. Using up the rest of his stash was supposed to keep him awake until he made it to Al's house. Fat lot of good that did.

Exiting the bathroom, awake but not necessarily refreshed, he returns to the nightstand and picks up the phone. He inputs the number, praying he remembers it correctly, and waits. It's still early enough that the person he's trying to reach shouldn't be too busy yet.

After the third ring, there's an answer. "Dr. Joe Mitchell's office."

Oh, thank fuck. Genuine relief coloring his voice, Max quickly says, "Hey, Joey! It's me, man, it's Max! How have you been?"

"Woah, shit! H-hey, man, hey, just hang on a second." The man on the other end, longtime friend and plug Joey, sounds incredibly startled at the sound of his voice. Max hears frenzied shuffling, followed by a short, heated exchange with someone else in the room, and then finally, a door slamming shut.

"Okay, uh, sorry about that, buddy," Joey says. "I'm good, man, what about you?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm good, everything's cool," Max reassures both Joey and himself. He takes a quick, deep breath before continuing.

"Look, I'm headed into town today, and I kinda need a favor…"

**********

The first thing Sophia notices is the dog peeing in the flowerbeds.

She stands in the kitchen and sips her morning coffee, a passive observer to the desecration of her camellias outside. Plenty of folks in the neighborhood own pets, so it's not unexpected to have the occasional runaway. The dog is facing away from her vantage point at the kitchen window, preventing her from seeing whether or not it has a collar. 

It looks healthy, Sophia notes. A beautiful golden retriever with a glossy coat, albeit on the fluffy side. It must be a bit spoiled, certainly not a stray.

As the dog finishes up its business in her garden, Sophia sets her mug down on the kitchen counter and makes for the hall closet. Pulling out a thermal jacket to shield herself from the February chill, she hurriedly slips it on before inching the front door open and peering outside. The dog pads across the soil and sniffs at a rose bush, unaware of the human observing it a few yards away.

Upon closer inspection, it appears to be that Showalter kid’s golden retriever. Sophia cranes her neck, looking up and down the street for any sign of Billy Showalter hurling newspapers from his bike. Or even a single copy in her driveway, indicating that Billy has at least been down the block this morning. Seeing neither, her brow furrows. Those two are inseparable; it’s very unlike that particular dog to run off without its owner.

Sophia pushes the door open the rest of the way and steps out onto her porch, intending to call the golden retriever over. Before she is able, another door loudly swings open, startling it and sending it bolting down the street. As it rounds the corner, its barks fade out into nothing, but are quickly replaced by familiar voices.

The neighbors.

Her lips gently curve upwards as two bundled-up figures wearing backpacks make their way over from the house next door. One is notably dragging the other by the hand as they squabble under their breaths, pulling a low chuckle from her.

"Good morning, Blakes!" she calls, as cheerfully as she can muster at seven in the morning with only half a cup of coffee in her.

"Morning, Dr. Holland!" Gwen Blake, the smaller of the two and the one doing the dragging, calls back with matching gusto. Her pigtails are adeptly braided underneath a knit hat, and her pace exudes confidence, despite the rainbow-patterned winter coat she's wearing threatening to swallow up her tiny frame.

"Morning, Dr. Holland," echoes the muffled voice of the one being dragged. Finney Blake, Gwen's older brother, fruitlessly attempts to break out of his sister's grip. His face is partially obscured by the collar of his jacket, only a mop of brown curls and a pair of weary eyes peeking out.

Instead of continuing down the sidewalk toward their school, the kids make a sharp left onto Sophia's lawn. Her smile fades, a questioning eyebrow rising in its place.

Gwen marches right up to the porch before releasing her captive. "Can you please, please check Finney's nose one more time? He keeps saying it's fine, but I know he's lying!"

Finney stands hunched behind her, mortified at the attention. He hurriedly tries to backpedal, saying, "It's not that different from before. I told her not to worry about it."

"Nonsense. If Gwen's worried, then I'm worried." Sophia gestures for them to join her on the porch. "Let's have a look."

Gwen immediately follows, and Finney shuffles in behind her, hesitantly unzipping the top part of his jacket and revealing the large white bandage at the center of his face.

This is par for the course with her next-door neighbors. Ever since Sophia bought this little house about a year ago, she has built up quite a rapport with the Blake children. Gwen's scrappy nature, combined with Finney's unfortunate propensity for attracting bullies, often leads to afternoons watching reruns of Star Trek and The Twilight Zone while she patches up various scrapes and cuts in her living room.

While she wishes they would exercise a little more caution, she does enjoy the time spent getting to know the two of them. Both kids are well-mannered and as smart as a whip. Someone has certainly raised them right. 

Given what she knows of their father, she has to assume that would be their late mother. But, she digresses.

“Lift those bandages for a moment," she instructs. "We’re still changing them twice a day, right?”

“Yes, ma’am," Finney answers, briefly struggling with the tape holding the dressing in place.

“Good. No more bleeding?”

He shakes his head, finally pulling the tape loose.

She smiles reassuringly. “Very good. Okay, hold still.”

Finney complies, head facing forward. His eyes dart over to Gwen, who looks on intently.

Sophia keeps a neutral expression, tilting her head this way and that, as she examines the injury to his face. The bruising around his eyes is fading from deep purples into yellows and greens, a grotesque watercolor painting. The swelling is down marginally, revealing a slight unnatural curve to the bridge of his nose which unquestionably was not there before. Her poker face becomes difficult to maintain as she takes in the extent of the damage.

"Another kid at school did this to you," she states coolly. She taps her fingers slowly against her leg–slow, rhythmic taps keeping her grounded.

Before Finney can reply, Gwen chimes in. "It was that fuckface Moose!" she huffs. "He waited for him outside because he's too big a pussy to do anything at school."

The taps continue, tempo quickening. Her anger on Finney's behalf overrides her instinct to denounce Gwen's choice of wording. Instead, she asks him, “Scale of one to ten, how badly is it hurting?”

“Uh…” He considers this for a moment, as if concerned he might pick the wrong number. “Four, maybe?” 

For God's sake. She has seen grown men complain much more about much less. Finney either has a remarkable constitution, or he’s fibbing to avoid being fussed over. Possibly a little of both‒likely more of the latter.

"I'll be able to set it in a couple days. For now, if it's ever above five, I can prescribe some Percocet," she advises him, fingertips ceasing their rhythmic tapping. She reaches a hand out to take the bandages from him.

"That's okay. It's really not that bad." He hands them over, then winces as Sophia replaces them over the wound, despite her handling the area as gently as possible. 

Her eyes flit over to Gwen, whose concern mirrors her own. She makes a mental note to pocket a bottle of Percocet from the clinic anyway.

"Well, then you are one tough kid, Finney," Sophia says, taping the bandages down securely before giving the top of his head a soft pat. "Takes a real dumbass to pick a fight with you."

He cracks a tiny smile, the first she's seen from him in several days. She returns it in kind before turning to Gwen. 

"You'll keep an eye on him for me, right?" she asks.

"You bet!" Gwen answers.

Sophia nods, pulling her coat tighter around her. “Good. Now, get to school before you both turn into popsicles.” As they hurry off the porch and back toward the sidewalk, she shouts after them,  “And cut the ‘Dr. Holland’ crap already, you’re making me feel old!”

“Sorry, Sophia!” they shout back simultaneously, voices growing distant as they begin a light jog down the street, following the same route the dog had taken just a few minutes prior.

The sound of the Blakes’ door opening a second time catches her attention. She watches calmly as Terrence Blake comes slowly trudging down the drive. His hair and clothing are disheveled, and heavy bags adorn his dark eyes, squinting at an overcast sky.

He reaches the end of the drive before noting the absence of the morning paper, to which he heaves a long sigh. Spotting Sophia on his way back toward the house, he grumbles, “Paperboy never made it through here today?”

Sophia stares past him and down the block, where several other kids have started trickling out of various houses, a sign that it’s well past seven by now. “Guess not,” she says simply.

Billy Showalter has never been this late. Although, she supposes if his dog got loose on the route, he would be too busy searching for him. She chases away any suspicions creeping around the edges of her mind.

A third door slam, and when Sophia looks back, Terrence is already gone. No doubt nursing that obvious hangover. A deep frown settles over her features.

The finger tapping returns with a vengeance as she heads back inside herself. The Blake kids are smart, sure, but even they can come up with some very flimsy explanations for certain cuts and bruises.

For the hundredth time, it seems, Sophia thinks about the Blake family and weighs her maddeningly slim options. She could call Child Protective Services. Or she could handle it in other ways‒a number of other ways. But no matter what, the outcome would remain the same, and the idea of Finney and Gwen ending up in foster care is abhorrent. Out of the question. She won’t do that to them, won’t put them through that.

At least with them living next door, she can pick up the slack. At least for now, she can take care of them. That will have to be enough.

**********

Galesburg Urgent Care sits tucked away in the northwest corner of Denver, suburban enough that it's a relatively quiet establishment, yet metropolitan enough that Sophia has to park a couple blocks away and power walk herself to the building. It's a relatively low foot traffic area, given that it's largely surrounded by upper-class subdivisions and pretentious ivy-covered buildings, so the walk each morning is easy and relaxing.

As Sophia approaches the front entrance, two burly, well-dressed young men exit. Upon noticing her, they both flinch before scrambling to get out of her way.

"Morning, Doctor." One of them tips his trilby in her direction as they let her pass, giving her a wide berth.

She breezes past them wordlessly, pushing the door open and leaving them to mutter behind her outside. 

The clinic doesn't officially open for another hour, but that doesn't stop there already being a ruckus happening inside. From the lobby, she can hear various clattering pour from the staff room, flooding the hallway. 

She rolls her eyes. It's too early for this shit, she inwardly gripes, heading in that direction to endure her colleague just long enough to make herself another cup of coffee.

When she enters the staff room, Dr. Joe Mitchell, the source of the noise, promptly gives up on the microscope he's fiddling with. "There you are, finally! Holy shit, what a morning, am I right?" His voice is too loud for being only a few feet away, and the smell of marijuana is coming off of him in waves.

Sophia stares at him, waiting for him to elaborate. He doesn't, only looking exasperated after a moment.

"Okay, I'll bite, Joey," she relents. "What happened?"

Joey splutters. "Whaddaya mean, 'what happened'? What's the matter with you?" he asks, already nasal voice raising in pitch.

"Nothing," she snaps, making a beeline for the coffee maker across the room. "Does this have something to do with our esteemed guests who just left here?"

"Ugh, that's another can of worms, don't get me started," he groans, likely to get himself started anyway. "No, I'm talking about Ted Bundy! Arrested down in Pensacola last night, the crazy bastard." He pauses a moment. "You've been all over that shit ever since he busted out. Thought you'd be celebrating."

Well, shit. Of course a story like that would break on the one day she misses out on the news. She pulls her mug out of the top cabinet before shutting it harder than she means to. Humming thoughtfully, she takes the coffee pot and proceeds to fill her mug to the brim.

"Didn't have that one on your radar, did you?" Joey teases, bouncing right up behind her. "You've lost your touch, Holland." He claps her once on the shoulder, nearly causing her to spill.

"And you've lost your medical license, but I don't see that stopping you," she hisses before taking a long sip.

He holds up his hands in faux offense. "Watch it, kid. I technically outrank you." His tone is deadpan, but it lacks any real bite. "Oh, by the way…" He starts again, but loses momentum, trailing off midway.

Sophia raises an eyebrow impatiently.

"They, uh, they got a client for you," Joey finally tells her. "That's what they came to tell us. They're expecting a delivery by the end of the month."

Yeah, she should've seen that coming. Morning guests are never a good sign.

"...That's all they wanted?" she asks, doing her best to keep both her tone and expression even. Her white-knuckle grip on the mug threatens to tattle on her anyway.

"Pretty much." He shrugs, at least respecting her enough not to give her any false sympathy. "Oh, and apparently they also found more of those damn balloons this morning." 

"The same black ones?"

"Yep. Those ones from last month, you got a look at 'em, right?"

Sophia nods. "Definitely not ours. Empty, too."

"Good. Just, uh, keep an eye out for me, okay?"

With her free hand, she gives an unenthusiastic fake salute. "You got it, boss."

Joey shakes his head, chuckling. He opens his mouth to say something else, but is cut off by the sound of a phone ringing elsewhere in the building. Specifically, the one in his private office.

He groans before stomping out of the staff room and down the hall toward the ringing. "Who in the blue blazing fuck is calling my office extension before we're even open?"

Sophia follows behind him, curious. It could be something as trivial as someone forgetting their normal office hours. However, a call like that would just go through reception. For someone to go to the trouble of calling Joey specifically…

He picks up the phone, clearing his throat. "Dr. Joe Michell's office," he says stiffly, rolling his eyes at Sophia, who stands in the doorway with her head cocked to the side.

As soon as the other person begins to speak, his expression suddenly changes to one of sheer panic. "Woah, shit! H-hey, man, hey, just hang on a second."

Receiver still in hand, he begins making wild, exaggerated shooing motions at Sophia, who simply stares in confusion.

"What? Who is it?" she asks sharply, furrowing her brow as he stares at her like she could attack at any moment.

He rushes back over toward her and whisper-shouts, "Go put on your lab coat, the nurses will be here any minute!" And with that incredibly subtle diversion, he promptly slams the door in her face, leaving her absolutely bewildered in the middle of the hall.

Fucking weirdo. 

**********

A cadaver is nothing special. 

Everyone dies at some point. Some earlier than others. Some messier. Some eerily clean, as if the deceased has merely fallen asleep, and could wake up at the slightest provocation. In her years as a physician, Sophia has witnessed them all.

This one Sophia is standing over now happens to be the third kind.

After careful deliberation and much refining, a syringe of morphine has become her weapon of choice. Guns are too loud. Knives are too barbaric. Blunt objects are downright archaic, and she doubts she’s physically strong enough to beat a grown man to death in any case. Controlled substances are just that‒controlled, at least when in capable hands.

Said syringe still pokes into his neck, admittedly poor practice. But hey, it’s been a long day, and she’s ready to rush home and unwind in a hot bath. Unfortunately, her work here has just begun.

Gingerly, she bends down and reaches a latex-gloved hand out to grip the barrel of the syringe. Securing her thumb against the plunger, she pulls it out carefully to be properly disposed of. A rivulet of blood trickles from the injection site onto the wooden floor beneath, causing Sophia to let out a put-upon sigh. She’ll have to clean that up before she can leave.

Having mapped out the house beforehand, she heads straight down the hallway and into the guest bathroom. She rifles through a couple cabinets before finding a washcloth and taking it over to the sink. 

Glancing at the mirror is a mistake.

She looks the same way she always does on nights like these. Her dark hair is piled into a tight bun atop her head to eliminate the possibility of another person grabbing it (she won’t ever make the mistake of a ponytail again). Her rubber coat is spotless, as it has been an especially smooth job thus far. Her surgical mask conceals all but her bloodshot hazel eyes, and that’s where the trouble lies.

The moment she meets her own wide gaze, a wave of nausea crashes over her, causing her to drop the washcloth. Staggering forward, she grips the edges of the counter and lowers her head. She feels her gloved hands shaking, her arms threatening to give out. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Her hands eventually steady themselves, and when she lifts her head, her eyes are calmer. She retrieves the washcloth from the floor, determination renewed. People are counting on her. Joey said they were expecting a delivery, so she had better deliver. If she doesn't…well.

Despite her natural talent for it, invasive surgery has never been Sophia’s cup of tea. Funny how she performs so many of these damn nephrectomies lately. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Irony is a bitch.