#i know a lot of people love davekat but we have to be honest with ourselves

[spritestyle]

I truly, 100% believe that Karezi was supposed to be an endgame ship and that something happened towards the end of Homestuck that made Andrew Hussie switch directions. I think he was burnt out of writing the story by the end and just kind of did whatever. There is just no other explanation for the way things went down. Why else would he make Davekat one of the only canon endgame ships?? You cannot tell me that this was something that had been planned.

[harley-style]

Reading the Homestuck Epilogues 6 [MEAT] (prt. 11-15)

So far, we have the normal Homestuck experience in the meat route, which is certainly a feeling. There's always that sense of foreboding in the future, but it's not all bad!

SPOILER ALERT: I rant. a lot. I have a lot of feelings about these sets of parts and it shows by the length. Thank god I'm putting it under the cut, because it really is fucking LONG.

NOTE: Instead of the usual 10 part reaction, I'm cutting it down to 5 because I got very heated about part 12 and i need to shave the length of this down. Sorry y'all.

read previous part here!

So, hilarious start, right off the bat. Yes, John, you're stuck. You are, essentially, homestuck. Haha. A motorcycle jumps off from the canyon, the crowd goes wild with dismay, and mass-unaliving. They're there until someone unloads them from the house trap juju, also they're in separate rooms. Hm. Would you call this scenario being grounded from the timeline? From canon?

John admits he thinks he has depression which is a huge step forward for him, but I'm also kind of a jerk, so I say "huh, ya think?" By the way admitting you aren't ok is very valid and appreciate yourself more for taking that step back-forward you beautiful person you. Don't mind my being a dick on the matter, I love Egbert and I love bullying them *gently*. Fuck anyone who invalidates your feelings. Find a support system that works for you, because you absolutely deserve it.

Oh we're right back with the political clap shit aight. Dave what the fuck are you on. Is economics the only thing you care about? Really?

Also I think Jane has a good point about restricting grist alchemy for "growth", but I'd be more concerned if she closed off EVERY avenue about it. Like, some people might really need a helping hand yanno? But also, alchemizing your way to progress is...really fucking disastrous in the long run. I'm just saying. Again, not happy with the way Jane handles everything, but some points can be argued for surface-wise.

Props to Jade for being the smartest person in the room. But also are you fucking STILL on the relationship thing? Hm. Well, this is the MEAT route, it could work out. I like the DaveJadeKat ship, just not as much as Davesprite/Jade or DavepetaJade obvsly. But also, I think they all should like reflect on past selves, a little? Karkat, I believe, still owes Jade an apology for being a dick to her. Yes I know he's mellowed out and I'm not sure if he did it in the OG homestuck, but my point is that I want them to have a reflection session or something. You know, a down-to-earth discussion. But who am I kidding, these people are dumbasses.

Jade burns them hard lol. At least this Jade says "you can say no", but also, she's right, Dave and Karkat are like, boring since they haven't really done anything exciting after winning the game. Like they've settled, which is sweet from a realistic perspective, but Homestuck is meant to have dynamic and fun characters, both of which Davekat presently, canonically...isn't. Is this why people are fed up with Davekat? Bc they're boring?

But seriously Karkat and Dave's inability to fucking be real for a second and consider their relationships without proverbially flipping off the handle is fucking nuts. Guys. Guys just skip the bullshit, please. Don't deflect, don't self-flagellate. I don't even care if you guys are just "friends" and you're "uncomfortable with labelling your relationship" right now, just be honest. For the record, not wanting to put an immediate endgame label for your relationship is totally valid, but you're both stupid for not fucking THINKING about it and not setting clear boundaries. It's giving Jade and the rest of the gang (and fans) weird signals.

Aaaand this is why I fucking want these three to fucking talk about how they're going to go about their dating scheme. Jade seems pretty intent on going pitch with Karkat, because that is how she understands Karkat to operate under, which is...honestly, something she likely got wrong. I personally don't think Karkat is capable of holding any pitch related quadrant, except maybe as a step-in for the ashen one. It's been discussed by multiple people, but I'll summarize it as: Karkat is likely aquadrantic the way typical romance is for trolls is like being gay to heterosexual relationships are for humans. Fundamentally incapable of intercepting. I could go on about how Karkat just exists outside the perceived sexuality/romantic tendencies for troll society, but basically, Karkat is the troll's version of gay. Y'know, aquadrantic.

JUST KISS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. UGH.

Oh my god I'm just at part thirteen. Did I seriously spend that much time on the DaveJadeKat Dilemma? I did, shit.

This just in, Vriska opens the Juju and is immediately ready to fight a bitch. Or to see the ending, I dunno. Point is, she's there and she wants to look badass.

Ohhh, so there ARE some things godtiers can't come back from. I wonder if you need to completely obliterate the body to prevent resurrection.

Epilogue three starts with Jake and Jane, interesting.

WHY IS JANE SO FUCKING HORNY EVERYTIME. OH MY GOD. Well, no, not horny, just incredibly forward and suggestive and I just. Jane. Please. You have more class than this.

I have to remind myself that they're adults. They're adults. Far be it from me to judge them for making decisions I don't particularly agree with. Jake kissing Jane, though, sends all kinds of bells ringing in my head right now. Especially because he keeps?? Remembering Dirk? Jesus christ you guys have problems.

"You can't be nice to Jake" another point to Goddamn It, Dirk! No, you don't know what you're doing, you fucking fool.

Commercial break! We're back with the Lord English battle, which is ironically blessedly absent of all the double entendre, mental backflipping, emotional upheaval bullshit that's going on in Earth C. Please, can we stay here? Forever?

Rose is Dead. Oh boy. Here we go. Did John even tell Jade the green sun was gone? Shit, he didn't, did he. Oh well. Jade is gone too. Kabonkers. At least Dave is still here? Poor guy. He lost his friends. Jesus, he's genuinely terrified. Dear god I feel bad for all of them.

Davepeta is here to save all our collective asses and is very much deserving of the title MVP. For all of Davesprite's whining about not being the alpha Dave, I'd say Davepeta's the real Alpha Champ. Alpha Chad, if you will.

Did John just get vored.

No I'm not sorry about that phrasing.

LMAO DAVEPETA SAID IT NOT ME

Oh yowch, he got chomped on the chest. RIP John Egbert, you will be sorely missed.

>Don't fucking die" is a rather strong statement, it reeks of characterism. But who is speaking? John, or...Dirk?

Oh yikes, it's Dave's turn to get decapitated.

Once again, Davepeta proving they are the MVP. But they are technically a Mary Sue, someone who's so unbelievably perfect because they're a combined fused state of two delightfully flawed characters...hm. You should go watch optimisticDuelist's Kernel Sprite vid, it says a lot about Davepeta.

But, uh, what about John? He's still there stuck with a tooth in his chest, bleeding, and looking like shit.

[ardenttheories]

So, having played through Dave’s Pesterquest route this morning, I have a few interesting thoughts to mull over.

Dave is intrinsically aware of the narrative, to some degree. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen it, of course, but it’s the first time we’ve seen it when he’s this young. He’s not in the game, he’s not even a recognised Knight of Time, yet he’s somehow capable of reading, and responding to, the narrative.

Of course, Dave doesn’t realise it’s that. He thinks the Reader’s just incapable of keeping their internal monologue to themself. In his point of view, the Reader’s just constantly babbling, revealing everything they think and do, bared all out in front of him as if it were more than metaphysical text that he can’t see. 

Somehow, the text of the narrative translates to a voice that he can physically hear. 

The only other time we’ve seen this, as I suggested vaguely before, is in the Epilogues. In Meat, when Dirk is trying to overwhelm the narrative in order to make Dave kiss Karkat, he repeatedly mentions feeling as if the words he’s speaking aren’t his own (even though he shouldn’t be able to feel this), and eventually he verbally responds and tells Dirk (essentially) to fuck off. 

Even Dirk seems surprised by this. For all that Dirk is using the narrative to control people, the specific persona he uses (the 2nd) is meant to be much more internal than Dave processes it as. You aren’t supposed to realise that someone is talking to you when Dirk speaks in his text; you’re supposed to internally (and subconsciously) take in the narrative, convert it to your own voice, and act on it as if you’d always had the thought in the first place. 

When Dirk forces Jake to confess his love for him, Jake isn’t some prisoner in his own body intrinsically aware that he’s being controlled. He processes the narrative into his own thoughts and words and feelings, and can’t distinguish them from something he’d normally say or do. 

This is why Kanaya feels so violated later on in Meat, once Dirk’s influence is gone. Everything that she had thought had been her own choice was actually presented to her by Dirk, like biting into a jade-green candy only to find that the centre is coloured orange. There was nothing on the outside to distinguish the candy from the others that are jade-green all the way through. 

Dave seems to be the only character who doesn’t process the narrative this way. Whenever Dirk tries to influence the narrative, Dave makes an active choice as to whether or not he’ll listen. If not that, then he at least has the ability to hear it and fight back against its influence to make the action his own, rather than Dirk’s. 

We’ve also seen him do this before, in a much lesser sense, in Homestuck. Consider all the times Dave speaks something through the narrative, and then repeats it word for word in a pesterlog - such as his very first “it’s like Christmas up in here” line. He finds the juice, the narrative says the line, and then he repeats it to John via text. 

Whether or not he realised it there, he was perhaps minorly aware that the narrative was a thing. He does this the most out of any other character, and a lot of his most iconic lines actually start out spoken within the narrative - including his pirouette off the handle joke. 

When I said “word for word”, I really did mean “word for word”. The only difference is the pronoun shift from “you” to “I”. 

Which brings me to a very interesting point. 

Many characters throughout Homestuck note that Dave physically cannot stop talking. When he’s trying to work through his feelings for John in Pesterquest; when he’s getting coffee on the meteor and just talking to himself in Homestuck; various times within the Epilogues, to a minor extent, and the narrative tends to brush over or cut off a lot of his dialogue. 

He then associates this trait with the Reader’s narrative. The concept that the Reader has just been talking the entire time, every thought and feeling and action they’ve muddled through within Dave’s presence bared before him audibly. 

I think it’s a very fair potential to say that Dave physically cannot stop talking because he is almost always sharing his own inner narrative with the world. Even through text, when he rambles while Jade is asleep, or completely talks over someone else, he’s so openly flow of thought that there’s a lot he accidentally gives away without meaning to. 

Dave cannot stop his own narrative. He can’t ignore it. He’s so aware of it that he has to say it day in, day out, whether audibly or through text. 

Dave, somehow, is intrinsically connected to the narrative, but his awareness of it works in much the same way as his dreamself does. 

Though Dave’s awake on Derse, and likely has always been awake and is always awake even when he’s awake on Earth, he’s not aware of it. He doesn’t have any memories of Derse and doesn’t even seem to think it’s real until he physically wakes up there during the game - and even then it’s suggested by Rose that a lot of the reason he’s not aware of it is because he’s actively ignoring it. Some part of Dave knew he was awake on Derse the entire time, and suppressed it. 

Once more, we see this in the Epilogues. Going back to the DaveKat kiss - Dave has clearly been aware of Dirk’s influence the entire time, enough so that he knows to yell out at it as something that isn’t his own action. But he doesn’t try to stop Dirk at any point. He doesn’t actively fight back until he realises that his first kiss with someone he likes won’t be his own choice - and even then he still does it, but with his consent. His awareness of Dirk’s narrative is fair, but not total. 

This brings up the question, then; why is Dave, a Knight of Time, so aware of the narrative, and why does he actively try to ignore it? Is there something that stops him from being wholly aware, or does he just have some small part of himself that doesn’t want to acknowledge it? Is his ignorance of it his brain not being able to process it fully, or himself going “don’t look into it too hard, you don’t want to know”?

There is nothing specific about Time that suggests it should have anything to do with the narrative. It isn’t Light - which is about Relevance, Plot, and Truth, so is wholly encompassed by Narrative - and it isn’t Heart - which can dip into the Narrative crudely, by appropriating the internal nature of the 2nd persona. It’s one of the most grounded of all the Aspects, even; it’s firmly rooted in the physical rather than the metaphysical. There’s no reason why a Time player would ever need to have a connection with the narrative. 

Even in the instance of Heart, it’s very specific to Dirk’s Classpect and his (fractured) rise to the Ultimate Self. He isn’t influencing the narrative because it’s the narrative and he can magically control it; he’s influencing it because he’s controlling the characters and actively destroying their sense of Self in the process. It’s essentially representative of him using a sort of Charm Speak on a subconscious level. It’s related to his Aspect, and only in a very specific persona.

It’ll be interesting to see how this goes on as more updates occur. Dave’s odd narrative awareness seems to be a very prominent thing by this point, and if I’m honest, a big part of me wonders if it’s somewhat related to that Knight/Prince theory I had a while back - or if something we don’t know about Time is going to be revealed inch by inch.  

[homestuckcontroversyin2020]

My Opinions on The Epilogues

So I expect that this isn’t going to go over too well, whether it be because I get absolutely zero attention on this post, or for the fact that I’m literally typing up what is probably a hate post that’ll spark up some, “Oh fuck you.” comments. Either way, I don’t really care about the possible hate to be garnered or anything. I’m here to state my opinion on this, and opinions can’t kill anyone when you’re as weak at arguing as I myself am. Now, this isn’t a fucking logical article, I’m not taking time with comprehensive research and making sure I fact check every little detail because that would involve reading Homestuck for and eighth time and re-reading the Epilogues so I have the biggest refresher in the world. I’m not doing that, so take my sub-par rambles.

Preface over, let’s get into the meat.

My original thought when I heard that the Epilogues came out was initially an eye roll big enough to be like when Hulk smashed Loki in the ground. An arch of, “What the fuck, Hussie.” In other words? I didn’t want to read them. I spent the first few days in agony, complaining about how Homestuck was probably just becoming a money grab, and hearing from other people about the content that  came out.

It.. wasn’t as bad as I expected when I jumped into it. People made a bigger deal about them than I thought was even insanely possible. Let me get this out of the way. I don’t hate the Epilogues. Do I think they were poorly done? Yes. Do I think that the writing was subpar? Absolutely. Do I think that fourteen year olds in their bedroom typing away at shitty fanfiction or roleplaying smut on MxRP/MSPARP have a better grasp on the characterization of each individual character than the people who took over and wrote the Epilogues? 10000%. Still, I thought they were a clever addition to alternate timelines. I had heard from a source they were meant to be a satirical take on fanfiction, and was a mocking poke at the Homestuck community... until Beyond Canon came out.

So here we are now with an 18 year old who’s spent their time on this planet obsessing over Homestuck since before they could read cuss words without feeling embarrassed telling you about how they’re pissed off with some small things that are of no value.

I’m an Alpha Kid Stan(TM) so everything that happened to my sweet babies has made me want to blow my brains out over the walls. Let’s go down the line.

Jane, sweetheart? Who hurt you? Now, I’ll be honest, I rushed through the Epilogues in my, ‘fuck I don’t want to read this but I feel like I need to in order to satiate my burning curiosity.’ mode. Jane’s whole... situation seems really fucked up to me. The color of her text in the EPs is another thing that pissed me off beyond belief, and I’m not sure why. The consistency between comic and canon was draining on my nerves. Jane, in Homestuck, is a whiny teen, but in no way do I look at her and see racist Hitler. Also, what the fuck was up with the clown thing? Why did she have an obsession with fucking Jake? Sure, she was into him before, but wasn’t part of her character arch getting over the buck toothed bangaroo? I thought so. I also thought that Jane was, you know, just a normal girl living her best life. She sure complained, but who doesn’t?? The Jane we’re given in the Epilogues seems to lack the internal dilemmas that the dear, sweet Crocker we’ve grown fond of does. There’s barely a hit of self hate, she doesn’t blow up, and sure we could possibly count this to her being older, but, what? She didn’t seem to be pissed off about the entire existence of trolls in Homestuck. Sure, her time with them was minimal and she didn’t really get all the shit through, but she fought side by side with Kanaya, even. I just don’t see it at all.

Jake. Oh boy. This is a big one. In either case, Jake’s whole thing really bothers me. He doesn’t seem like Jake. He seems like a watered down version of himself that doesn’t even make fucking sense? He’s an aloof dork, but he’s not horrendously stupid, there’s no reason to make him an alcoholic, and why the fuck is he an attention seeking slut? Yes, yes. We could blame this all on Dirk but really, what were the authors thinking? They had complete control over what happens in this and they turn Jake into something he’s not. He had other drives and passions than living out his life as the sexy action movie woman we all need in our lives. Jake’s smart to his own degree, stubborn, and kind of a flirt! He’s not insanely oblivious, either. For instance, I recall a specific moment where he insinuates that Jane was having a wet dream about him in Homestuck. I’m not going to find the quote, but I know it’s there. Jake spent time working on the robot rabbit for John with Jade and outright refused help from some outside sources. Jake is smart! He’s got an extensive vocabulary! He’s just a nerd, and he’s more than an uwu gay boy for Mr. Triangles.

Roxy, oh no. This is where I expect to get the most heat. Roxy is a beloved character. The light of my life and the best of the kids, in my opinion. (I’m an avid Dirk Stan, but Roxy has won my heart truly and thoroughly.) I don’t like the whole trans/non-binary thing. Not because I’m transphobic or anything, because I’m absolutely not. It’s because it feels like it just doesn’t fit with her as a character?? Roxy grew up in isolation in a place without humans, you really think she’s going to have an outright conceptualized view on gender roles and norms? Basic fucking psychology would tell you otherwise. This is something that her brain would have trained her to do based on a societal view. I may not have paid a huge ass amount of attention in psychology, but gender is a thing that’s completely up in the air and taught to us. Roxy didn’t have that. You could argue and say that her house has something of the sort that’d lead her to feel that way, or perhaps she’s learned this all off the internet, but her clothes scream femme and she had to make them herself, is all I’m saying. Again, whatever, go off, make Roxy trans. It’s not a huge deal, but that isn’t the only problem I have. Roxy as a character seems to have just lost her spark. There’s little outright love and enjoyment and adoration for her friends that there is in Homestuck. She’s not your hype go get them loving girl. Again, maybe you could blame this on the fact that they’re all older, but getting older isn’t going to drastically impede your previous personality and make you an entirely different person. They essentially turned Roxy into a watered down version of Dave, but trans. It’s like they couldn’t make Dave trans so they just made a new Dave. It’s annoying to me, and that’s my biggest problem. I love Roxy. I don’t care for Epilogue Roxy. If they had done it right, if they had used specific things from Homestuck, if Homestuck itself keyed in on this or ANYTHING, fine. But Roxy was old enough to question her identity, most people do around 16, and she could have had the opportunity to start representing this already. I mean, who was stopping her? Then the baby stuff. Huh? What? Why? Doesn’t make sense, pass. Her bffsy, brother, and person that cared about her most off and yeets himself from the top of the nearest belltower and all she can think about is copulating with John??? Alright, fam.

Onto Dirk. Y’know what? I don’t have many huge problems with Dirk. I found his personality in Meat really funny, I found the death in Candy absolutely soul crushing. Dirk is a good character. I don’t think they did his personality well, but I don’t think they did any of the characters well. Maybe John. Maybe. Dirk really just sounded like a child who wasn’t getting what he wanted, and it was amusing to say the least. He sounded horrible from the way people talked about him before I read it, but I really just found his overzealous ego entertaining. I found the fact that they made him still totally desperate for Jake kind of annoying though. Dirk broke of their relationship. Dirk was the one who took a moment to realize it wasn’t healthy for either of them, and getting what you want isn’t good. Taking over the narrative and making your ex nearly jizz himself in public is hilarious and all, but also, what??

Alright. Alphas. Let’s move onto Betas.

I skipped a lot of it, not going to lie. Rather than breaking it down for each character like I did with the Alphas, I’m just going to ramble and see where the wind takes. me.

I don’t ship Davekat. I don’t see it working in a romantic aspect. I see them being bros, and it felt really forced in both sides of the story. The homoerotic tension could maybe be smelled for a mile away, but lets not forget something very important. Dave has shown interest in women. Dave was interested in Terezi, he called Roxy and Jane hot, he totally fucking jizzed his jeans for Jade. The fact that so many characters in the Epilogues were exclaiming that Dave was gay, and Dave himself leaning towards the sentiment, didn’t seem to really match up. Dave’s not just pretending to like chicks either, he’s definitely interested in them to the point of being genuinely flustered and embarrassed (I.E The Hot Mom conversation.) So, I don’t really enjoy that. I think the economy shit is cute, his alternate counterpart seemed to have a good hand for business according to the spiel that was made about him, I liked it.

Rose? Didn’t pay a lot of attention to her. The drug abuse shit really pissed me off. Rose in general really pissed me off in the Epilogues. 

John is a can of worms. His characterization was done well, but I guess I just don’t see the point in the two timeline deals. Also, why did he have sex with Terezi? Why was he so much of a baby when the rest of the people around him apparently seemed to mature? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

And... then there’s Jade. Poor, sweet Jade. She’s been done dirty almost as much as Jake has, if not worse. She has a dick for one. Yikes. She’s extremely sexually driven, which isn’t something I can see for canon Jade who just wants to hang out and vibe. She’s also so fucking insistent with the “uwu lets date Dave and Karkat” shit that it drives me up a fucking wall. Jade, you should know better! You dated an alternate version of Dave! You dated the OG motherfucker fresh timeline bitch who lost everyone, and sure he was depressed, but I think if I remember correctly you know about all of this???? Hmmmmm!!!! Big questions. It almost leads one to believe she’d know better than to enter into a relationship like this with Dave since it could be emotionally unfulfilling. :))))

Anyways, this entire thing is a can of fucking worms and I don’t suspect I’m going to use this account often aside from shitposting, so have this one uneducated article and if you made it through it and agree, disagree, or what have you, don’t be an ass in the replies? I get it, I’m opinionated and should probably shut my mouth, but it’s the internet and I don’t really care at this point.

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Two)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday. Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 1:

Despite his slacker appearance (and life-style, to be honest), Dave was always punctual. He'd even made an effort to look the part of a guy going on a date with another guy: jeans with only a few holes at the knees, his favorite record shirt, and a red hoodie—all freshly cleaned. So freshly cleaned that the sweater was still very slightly damp. Well, whatever, it'd be fine. They were having dinner first, and that meant he'd have plenty of time for the thing to dry out before they went to the movies where the main thrust of Dave's doki-doki plan would commence.

Karkat arrived a few minutes later. He wasn't dressed to the nines, but it was at least to the sevens. It occurred to Dave, as he watched him approach, that he hadn't known how tall Karkat was. The answer was slightly shorter than Dave but with a more solid build. Stocky. Or maybe that was just the black sweater he was wearing. Then again, his legs looked pretty solid in the black pants he was wearing, too. Either way, he looked good.

Dave gave him an appreciative whistle which made Karkat's eyes narrow. Not the reaction he'd wanted. “Looking good, Karkat,” he said quickly, hoping to smooth over any feathers he might have inadvertently ruffled. “I'm digging the whole sexy college professor thing you've got going.”

“Uh, thanks,” Karkat said with evident disbelief. “You, uh, you look good, too.” He straightened up. “You said we were doing dinner first.”

“Yep.” Dave held out his arm. “I’m taking you to my favorite place. A lot of people think it’s wack, but I’m buying, so if you really don’t like it, at least it didn’t cost you anything.” When his date didn't immediately take his offered arm, he shook it invitingly. “It's not too far from here.”

Karkat looked from Dave's arm to Dave, suspicious. Then he sighed and laid his hand on Dave's arm, his hold tighter than Dave had expected it to be considering his earlier hesitation. “Okay. Fine. Sounds great. Let's go.”

---

The first thing Karkat noticed when he took Dave's arm was that his sleeve was damp. Then he noticed the feeling of the arm beneath his fingers. Despite looking thin enough to break, there was some muscle here. As they walked to what was apparently Dave’s favorite restaurant, Dave just kept talking. If Karkat had been offered a thousand dollars, he doubted he could have remembered any specific details of the inanity he'd been subjected to. A nervous talker. He'd have to put that down in his notes.

Dinner went much the same. Dave talked at him while Karkat sat there trying to eat his food (overpriced, faux Italian—of all the places Dave could have chosen, he'd picked a fucking Olive Garden? That was going in his notes, too.). In all honesty, Karkat tried not to pay too much attention to what was being said. First, he'd already determined that most of what came out of this man's mouth was completely meaningless nonsense, and second, if he actually listened to any of it, he'd be hard pressed not to respond to the idiocy. While Dave had no evident compunction about swearing, Karkat wanted to get through at least this first date without screaming.

All right, so that was an exaggeration. Some of what Dave said was actually pretty funny. In a hopelessly awkward sort of way. Karkat hated that Dave's clumsy compliments were making him blush. Clearly, the man had brain damage... which also explained the rapping that Dave kept doing (completely unprovoked!). By the time dinner was over, Karkat was only too grateful that their next destination meant that Dave would have to stop talking.

---

Since Dave had picked the restaurant, Karkat had picked the movie. Some romantic comedy chick flick Dave couldn't be bothered to remember the title of. Still, it gave him an opportunity to sit right tight next to Karkat and eat his weight in popped, buttery goodness, so he really couldn't complain.

“What’s the deal with that dude?” Dave whispered. “I thought he was already tight with that other chick. What gives? Is he cheating on her?”

Karkat made a noise like a cat being stepped on but softer. “Dave,” he whispered back, his tone full of the same sing-songy patient impatience that Rose would use when she thought Dave was being particularly dim, “if you were paying attention, you'd already know that that 'dude' is that 'other chick's' cousin. They are probably not romantically involved. I know you're from Texas, but that's not how it works above the Mason Dixon line.” Then he ducked his head and took a long drink from his soda. “Sorry. Just-just watch the movie and be quiet.”

Dave blinked. He'd been starting to think Karkat wasn't going to open up at all. At least, he'd had fuck all to say during dinner. Even if it had been an incest joke at his expense, it still was nice to hear Karkat say something. Something that wasn't just non-committal noises or unenthusiastic agreements. He leaned against Karkat's shoulder to whisper, “It's not true, you know. About Texas. We don't fuck our cousins; I mean, we do, but not first cousins. We're strictly second cousins only. It's a rule. Of course, none of my second cousins are as hot as you, so I'd be willing to make an exception. Just this once.”

This earned him a light elbowing to the gut and a low growl, but Karkat didn't push him off.

By the end of the movie, Dave had gotten five more elbows to the gut, three startled bursts of laughter, two creative insults (quickly joined by muttered apologies), and one “Will you please just let me watch this movie?” Over all, Dave felt like he'd succeeded in charming the hell out of this motherfucker, thank you very much.

They'd walked out into the open air, a nice breeze whisking away the smell of popcorn and sweat from the movie theater. “I had a lot of fun, Karkat. Thanks for coming on this date with me. Do you think we could do this again sometime?”

Karkat blinked at him, a clear look of surprise on his face. “Oh, uh, sure.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes, I'd love to go on another date with you.”

Dave's heart leapt. “Awesome. You can hit me up on Pesterchum. Or I can hit you up. How about I hit you up?”

“Fine, that's... that's fine.” Karkat's smile seemed uneven. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

Although Dave was tempted to try for a kiss, he didn't think he ought to press his luck so far on the first date. Karkat had loosened up some while they'd been in the theater, but out here under the streetlight, he looked nervous again. The last thing Dave wanted to do was chase him away. “Okay then. I guess I'll see you later?”

A slow nod. “Yeah, later.” Karkat was stilted and contained again. Restricted, like a hermit crab stuck in a shell that was too tight. It wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all. Dave had caught a few glimpses of the real Karkat tonight, and the sight made him hungry to see more.

Dave watched him walk away, admiring the view with a new goal in mind: he was going to get Karkat Vantas out of his shell if it was the last thing he did. Getting to rub him in Rose’s face at her wedding was only going to be a bonus.

---

* Never shuts up. Not even during movies. Especially during movies. Attention span of a gnat. From Texas. Doesn't know how to use a dryer. Finds me attractive. Probable brain damage. Funny. Charming. Obnoxious. Never takes off sunglasses. Olive Garden.

Karkat sighed and set down his pen. He'd tried his best to be as cordial as he knew how to be, and he still hadn't managed to last for the entire four hours without insulting his date. Multiple times. Oh well. At least Dave was apparently brain damaged enough to find rudeness terribly amusing (if the way he'd kept bugging Karkat during the movie had been any indication).

He'd been surprised when Dave had actually asked if they could go on another date. Karkat knew he hadn't made the best impression, and yet Dave wanted to spend more time with him? He looked over his notes, trying to ignore the surge of happiness that filled him at the thought. It didn't mean anything: Dave was clearly an idiot, and after a few more days, Karkat was going to start on the offensive. Whatever meager promise there would have been in this fledgling romance, it was still doomed from the start: like all of Karkat's relationships.

Day 2:

It was all Dave could do to wait until the next day to pester Karkat. He didn't want to come off as too eager, after all. Didn't want to put Karkat off. But Dave was only so strong.

TG: so i was thinking TG: if youre not busy TG: we could go to the park this afternoon TG: watch the grifters and maybe get robbed TG: or you could come to my place and hang TG: is it too soon to do that? TG: asking for a friend TG: this is dave by the way TG: i dont know how many people youre talking to TG: not that its any of my business TG: i wouldnt want you up in my grill asking me who im talking to CG: IT IS SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING ON SUNDAY. TG: yea and youre up anyway CG: BECAUSE YOU WOKE ME UP. WITH YOUR TEXTS. THAT YOU SENT JUST NOW. TG: oh shit sorry CG: IT'S FINE. I NEEDED TO GET UP ANYWAY. CG: YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME? WHY?

Dave frowned down at his phone. Was Karkat fishing for compliments or was he being serious?

TG: because its fun to hang out with you TG: thats how this works right? TG: i thought we could watch another movie TG: at my place TG: or your place i guess if that works better for you TG: ive got popcorn if that sweetens the deal at all CG: YES. BECAUSE THE WAY TO MY HEART IS MICROWAVED POPCORN. TG: fucking called it CG: … CG: FINE. I'LL MEET YOU AT THE PARK AT 2:30PM. IS THAT ACCEPTABLE? TG: perfect ill meet you by the giant yo CG: YOU MEAN THE OY/YO. TG: tomatoes tomotoes karkat

Dave watched the little “CG is typing” message run for almost a minute, feeling his nervousness grow. What had he said that required a novel length response? He managed to reign in the impulse to apologize preemptively, but it was a struggle.

CG: OKAY. WHATEVER. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Fine, good then. Nothing was wrong.

TG: im looking forward to it TG: its not hard to intuit TG: when we come out to debut TG: sit by the yo then well go round TG: downtown get the lowdown TG: before we get busy in the hissie TG: partake of the fizzie cause we got a duty TG: to watch the fuck out of this movie CG: RIGHT. SEE YOU THEN. BYE.

Dave shrugged. He couldn't expect Karkat to really appreciate his off the cuff rhymes so soon after waking up, he supposed. Maybe they'd land better later. Flat reception or not, the important thing was he'd gotten Karkat to agree to come to his apartment. He looked around, frowning. Maybe he should clean up a little.

---

Jesus Fucking Christ. Karkat tossed his phone on the bedside table with a groan. It had been all that he could do not to curse out Dave like there would never be a tomorrow. Considering the fact that he was currently planning to go to the apartment of a practical stranger, that much might just be true for him. He lay in bed a little longer, out of spite mostly—he could never get back to sleep after being woken up—, before getting out from under the covers. First things first: notes.

* Inconsiderate asshole. Horrible rapper. Calls the OY/YO “the YO”. Doesn't know the right way to express “tomatoes, tomahtos”. Wants to spend time with me. Insane. We have that much in common.

Thanks to Dave's wake-up call, Karkat had plenty of time to eat a hearty breakfast and start his article.

“How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure” BY KARKAT VANTAS

Since you have decided to read this article, I will assume that you are looking to learn the art of ruining your relationships without the mess of all that trial and error. Maybe you enjoy breaking hearts. Maybe you are the kind of masochist who enjoys getting their heart broken but is at a loss as to how to properly sabotage your relationship yourself. If you can manage to follow these simple steps, you will be well on your way to the same bitter loneliness that usually only the most unlucky in love get the privilege to experience. 

The first step is the victim. For the purposes of this article, I picked one that is particularly obnoxious and brain dead. You may have different qualities you are looking for in a potential short-term partner. Ultimately, the most important thing to consider when you plan to lose a guy (or gal or enby) is that you make certain they are one you do not mind losing. That way you can start the process without any regrets.

The second step is the hook. Laugh at their dumb jokes; accept their stupid compliments; ignore their mangling of the English language (in my case, his horrible rapping); and generally be as agreeable as you can manage. A severe lack of intelligence in your short-term partner can be a boon here, though you will find most people are not immune to flattery. You need to make certain that you have your short-term partner well and truly interested in you before you attempt to lose them. If you try to lose them too soon, you will miss out on the full relationship ruining experience.

A little too informal, maybe, but a fine start. Depending on how well this afternoon went (assuming he wasn't murdered and stuffed in a closet), maybe Karkat would be able to start on step three. He was able to stomp down his nascent guilt with ease. After all, Dave wouldn't have been interested in him after the novelty wore off anyway.

---

The afternoon was a little warmer than the evening had been, but Dave still wore his hoodie. It felt lucky, and it was still clean. More the latter than the former, but the point stood! He sat down on the bench next to the giant yellow YO installation and waited. While it was tempting to shoot a message to Karkat, he decided against it. He’d be seeing him in less than ten minutes, and he didn’t want him to think he was clingy. Which he wasn’t. Totally not. Dave Strider had never clung his whole life. Ask anyone. Except Jade. Don’t ask her. 

He noticed his leg was bouncing and put a stop to that noise. He was a cool operator. He had this thing on lock. The date yesterday had gone good, right? Karkat wouldn’t have agreed to see him again if he’d had a terrible time. He pushed back his hood and ran a hand through his hair. Nothing to worry about. He’d have a date for Rose’s wedding and continue sorting out the mystery that was Karkat Vantas.

Dave heard the crunch of gravel and looked over to see Karkat approaching. Another sweater combo, but gray this time. The guy had a style he preferred, clearly. It was fine: he looked great. He stood and closed the distance between them. “Hey, Karkat.”

“Hey,” Karkat returned, frowning. Of course, that seemed to be his default expression. “I brought a movie to watch,” he said gruffly. 

Although Dave had been hoping he’d be able to pick the movie this time, he wasn’t too cut up about it. It might be a little early in the relationship to bring out The Room anyway. He wouldn’t know. “Sounds great. My place isn’t too far from here.” He held his arm out. “Shall we?”

Again, Karkat regarded his arm with suspicion. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

Karkat opened his mouth before seeming to think better of whatever he’d planned to say. “Never mind.” He took Dave’s arm. “Let’s get going.”

As they walked to his apartment, Dave tried to keep the conversation flowing, but Karkat’s subdued responses quickly killed his enthusiasm. “I feel like I’m talking too much,” he said finally. 

Karkat mumbled something which sounded suspiciously like “You think?” before he shook his head. “No, of course not. I’m just a little too tired to, uh, participate, that’s all.”

Dave winced at the reminder of his first faux pas of the day. “No problem, dude. I got us covered. I got words for days.”

“Months even,” Karkat added before ducking his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Nudging Karkat’s side, Dave laughed. “Nah, man it’s true. I’ve got words for fucking years.”

Karkat smiled slightly. “Decades.”

“Centuries.”

“Eons”

“Until the next motherfucking epoch, I’ve got words, Karkat. So many words. All the words even.”

Karkat snorted, covering his face with his free hand. “Damn it, Dave. Stop making yourself likeable.”

“I think that’s the point of this whole thing,” Dave pointed out reasonably. “Dating, I mean. It’s not like the old days where your dad and my dad decide if you’re worth enough chickens to trade me for, you know. These days I get to decide for myself how many chickens I want to be traded for.” He gave Karkat a mock critical eye. “How about it, Karkat? How many chickens could I get for you?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said, his mock serious tone almost too close to a serious tone for Dave’s comfort. “Let me look in my pocket.” He made a show of staring down at the pocket containing his free hand before sliding the hand out and flipping Dave the bird. “Is this enough for you?”

Dave laughed. “I’m sorry, Karkat. You must have at least five chickens to ride this ride.” He felt his face flush but pushed onward. “I guess you’ll have to settle for a movie, and maybe some pizza.”

Karkat was grinning, and Dave decided right then and there that he wanted to keep seeing it. “Maybe next time.” As though to intentionally spite him, Karkat frowned again. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, man, just a little further.” As they continued their journey to his apartment, Dave felt himself frown. What was Karkat’s deal? He was a lot more fun when he let himself be himself. Dave didn’t like meanness for meanness sake, but he enjoyed a good joke. For some reason, Karkat seemed to think he shouldn’t joke around? Why? His frown deepened. Karkat also apologized a lot. And he was so often deferential even when it was obvious he had OPINIONS he wasn’t sharing. The pieces were adding up to a disturbing picture. 

Maybe after he was done hanging out with Karkat today, he should hit up Rose. She’d know what to do.

---

Karkat’s expectations for Dave’s apartment had been fairly low, and he’d been pleasantly surprised. While not as meticulous as his own apartment, there at least weren’t empty food containers on every surface or dirty clothes everywhere. There was an overall shabbiness though: the feeling that the occupant didn’t care overly much about the apartment’s upkeep. The futon in front of the television was ancient and threadbare as were the carpets. The posters hung on the walls were dusty and faded, and there was a sort of mildewy smell. Still, as previously mentioned it was clean (more or less), and there were no obvious signs of a hidden murder dungeon (not that there would be if there were one, naturally). 

“Nice place,” he said for politeness’ sake. 

Dave beamed like a little boy who’d gotten just what he’d wanted for Christmas. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it keeps the rain off.” He gestured towards the futon. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got apple juice. And water from the tap, I guess. I could go pick up some beer if you want to go that route, or--”

Karkat held up his hand, hoping to stem the tide of suggestions. “Water’s fine, thank you.”

“You’ve got it,” Dave said before tilting his head and making twin awkward gestures with both hands involving his pointer fingers. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

It wasn’t until after he’d disappeared into, presumably, the kitchen that Karkat realized he’d been making finger guns. What a dork. Not that Karkat was any more suave, but he liked to think he was at least less childish. He tried to supplant the rush of fondness he felt by recalling just how pissed he’d been with this manchild this morning. It was not one hundred percent successful.

Dave returned with two glasses: water for Karkat, and apple juice for himself. “Take a seat,” he insisted as he set the glasses on the coffee table (sans coasters). “It won’t bite.”

Gingerly, Karkat took a seat on the ancient futon. The padding was so thin, he could feel the bars beneath. It was going to take a while to become unbearable, and he hoped this hang out? date? didn’t last long enough for that to happen. Just as he’d been about to reach for the water, suddenly uncertain whether he actually ought to drink anything Dave gave him, Dave flopped down onto the futon beside him like a sack of gangly flour. “Dave!”

“S’up?” Dave asked, grinning. 

“Don’t ‘s’up’ me--,” Karkat managed to stop himself from calling Dave an asshole, but only just. “Just don’t ‘s’up’ me. Speak like a normal person.” He realized he was making a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Sorry, I--”

“Dude,” Dave said, his grin dropping away, “Karkat, you don’t have to apologise for every kind of mean thing you say. I’m a big boy: I can take it.” 

Karkat supposed he shouldn’t be surprised: he’d never been good at pretending to be a good person. If he could have managed that feat for any length of time, he wouldn’t be in this position. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as dryly as he could. 

“I’m serious.” Dave sat up and turned to face Karkat head on, and Karkat saw his own annoyed expression mirrored in the black lenses. “I haven’t known you very long, and maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but--”

“You’re right,” Karkat interrupted, feeling his tenuous hold on his temper slipping. “You shouldn’t say anything.” After taking a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to say anything he didn’t mean to, he spoke again. “Let’s just watch the movie and eat some microwaved popcorn. Does that sound like something we could do? Or would you like to keep pretending you have some deep insights into my character as though we’ve known each other longer than three days?”

Dave raised his hands, and Karkat realized he’d sounded far more aggressive than the situation warranted. At this rate, he wouldn’t even get a chance to lose this asshole! Nice job, Vantas: stellar work. “No, you’re right. I’ll step off.” Dave said softly. He got off of the futon with far more grace than he’d flopped onto it with. “You just put the movie in, and I’ll, uh, I’ll make the popcorn.”

Karkat watched him go before putting his head in his hands. Well, fuck. As though this whole situation hadn’t been awkward before. He should just leave. Just leave, forget about his stupid article, and stop dragging this stupidly likeable idiot down with him. He should. 

He stayed where he was. 

---

Dave took maybe longer than he absolutely needed to to prepare the popcorn. As much as he liked to consider himself a smooth operator, he could tell when he’d made a mistake, and he wanted to give the guy in the other room a chance to cool down. What made it made it worse was that Karkat had been right to get mad at him: Dave barely knew him. In his place, Dave would probably be pissed, too. 

Even so, Dave didn’t think he was wrong about the conclusions he’d come to. It was obvious that Karkat was, for whatever reason, putting on a show for Dave’s sake. Honestly, it was kind of creepy. If he understood why Karkat felt the need to do that, he’d feel better about it.

But it wasn’t his business. Not yet. Maybe you had to reach a certain level on the boyfriend echeladder before that kind of thing was something you talked about. It would probably help if they were actually boyfriends and not just newly dating, too. There seemed to be at least one obvious solution to that problem.

Dave could be patient. After all, he still had eleven days or so to get Karkat to at least like him enough to be his plus one at Rose’s wedding. It wasn’t all he wanted anymore, but it'd be enough to start with. As Rose had so often told him, start with small goals. 

He poured an obscene amount of butter over the popcorn in the bowl and headed out to the living room. Karkat was bent over, fiddling with the DVD player, and when he looked up at Dave, his mouth was curved somewhat upwards. “What movie do you have for us?”

Karkat stood. “Coming to America.” He made his way back to the futon and sat down as though worried he might fall through if he sat down too quickly. “It’s more comedy than romantic, so I thought you might enjoy it more.”

That sounded vaguely familiar. “Okay.” Dave joined him on the futon, taking care not to startle him this time. “Let’s get this party started.”

---

Karkat had hoped bringing a comedy would hold Dave’s attention enough to keep him from talking through the whole thing. He’d been mistaken. Yes, a lot of what Dave said was funny, but it just never fucking stopped. Finally, Karkat couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Then he very deliberately set the remote back down. “I want you to listen to me, Dave. Are you listening?”

Dave looked confused, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’m listening. Do you have something you want to tell me? I’m all ears. Lay it on me.”

God, he couldn’t even listen without rambling! “Would it kill you to shut up?” He saw Dave’s eyebrows peek over the tops of his glasses. A part of him told him to reconsider his current course of action, but naturally, Karkat could never abide by a piece of good advice. “Would it literally cause you to drop dead if you couldn’t expel your idiocy out of your mouth like a goddamned septic pipe full of half-formed metaphors and bullshit? Would your head explode? Can we try that experiment and see what happens?” Karkat felt his fingernails biting into his palms and realized he’d clenched his fists. “What do you say, Dave? Wait, I’ve changed my mind: don’t say anything. Let me bask in the gentle ethereal glow of silence for a moment. Can you do that for me, Dave? Can you let me bask? Will the endless flow of words finally cease?”

‘No’ was clearly the answer to that question since Dave was already opening his mouth. Then, to Karkat’s utter shock, he shut it again. His expression wasn’t ever easy to read with those douche shades he insisted on wearing all the time, but now it was completely closed off. Even the eyebrows had lowered back to their original position.

Silence stretched between them. 

Karkat felt sick to his stomach. Shit. Shit. He really just couldn’t do it, could he? Couldn’t pretend even for a few hours that he was a normal person. Well, so much for this experiment. Time to write off this little adventure. Was it worth even trying to apologise? Before he could decide, Dave made the decision for him. 

He was clapping. “Damn, just got owned,” he said, a wide grin splitting his face. “You owned me, Karkat. You should feel proud. Not everyone gets own this,” he gestured to himself. “I just hope you know what you’re getting into: I’m barely house trained.”

For an embarrassingly high number of seconds, all Karkat could do was blink. “You’re not mad?”

“Fuck no,” Dave said, still grinning. “I’m a big kid now. I’ve graduated from diapers all the way to pull ups. It takes more than a finely crafted, well-deserved take down to take me down.” The grin softened. “This is what I was trying to say before: I want to date you, not some weird super agreeable version of you. If you want to tell me off for talking too much, fucking go for it. You’ve got a way with insults--it’s a gift. Frankly, I’m insulted you’ve been keeping it to yourself.”

“There’s more where that comes from, asshole,” Karkat said before he could stop himself. To his amazement, Dave still seemed more amused than anything. A strange mixture of anger and fondness welled up inside him. “Stop grinning at me, and watch the fucking movie.” He picked up the remote and hesitated. “You don’t have to be silent,” he said, still feeling a little guilty over his earlier outburst, “just maybe less talking?”

Dave made a big show of running a zipper over his lips. Then he immediately ruined it by saying, “Scouts honor, Karkat. My word is bond. You can cash that shit at the bank.”

Karkat tried to picture Dave as a boy scout and failed. “Right.” He pressed play and the movie resumed. Of course, Dave still talked during the movie, but the sheer volume of words had slowed to a moderate stream rather than the full-bore blasting Karkat had been subjected to earlier. As he sat there on the futon, occasionally answering Dave’s stupid comments with barbs of his own, he felt warm in a way that was only nominally connected to the temperature of the arm he was leaning against. He felt… content.

---

Overall, Operation Hang Out had been a big success. It had been rocky in places, but again, overall, Dave felt like he’d hit his major mission objectives. A movie was watched, pizza was consumed, and Karkat finally, finally, did something other than apologise every time a hint of the person he’d met at the cafe had come through. He didn’t necessarily want to keep pissing Karkat off, but that bitch fit he’d thrown had been epic. 

Karkat wasn’t the kind of guy Dave had expected to find himself interested in. At least, he’d never thought he’d have a grumpy asshole kink. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the more quiet parts of Karkat’s visit, too. It had felt nice to sit on the futon with someone leaning against his shoulder. Dave wasn’t a sap, no, not a suave guy like him, but he couldn’t deny he’d like to do it again some time. 

He considered texting Rose as he’d planned to earlier before deciding not to. After all, he’d managed the first crisis all on his own, and she might consider it cheating if he got her help. No, for now at least, this bird was flying solo.

---

* Clean apartment. Finger guns. Puts too much butter on popcorn. Also talks during movies outside theater setting. Likes getting insulted. Kink?  Wants to date the “real” me. Delusional. Comfortable arm. Had a nice time. Had acceptable time. Clothes in his shower??? 

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck Candy p17-23 (holy shit)

So, yeah, this baby coming up.

I wonder if there's going to be callbacks to Dirk's art for Caliborn in any form. ("jake no, what are you doing - to our baby?")

John can't erase this baby in any case, since no retcon powers.

I wonder if we're going to learn its name. I kind of like one of Blaperile's theories, that he would name a boy after his Dad... It would reveal one of those long hidden mysteries in Homestuck.

Otherwise... Liv? :P

Theresa, after Terezi?

---

Page 17

Oh wow.

OH WOW.

Yeah, now we're getting to the juicy bits.

The candy is turning into diabetes around John. Details about the past are getting vague for his friends, the harmony trumping the validity of their experiences. It's all turning out a lot more existential for John in this path than I thought!

"Harry Anderson Egbert", heheh. But yeah, John has a good point. He wants his wife to have some identity, but it's like she's ... malleable, or something. Everything shapes around each other and forms the least offensive shape.

On the one hand, I want to imagine Vriska Lalonde-Maryam and Harry as childhood friends, growing up together.

On the other hand, I wonder what there is in store for this John. He's lost his retcon powers. But he says Terezi is the only thing that still makes sense to him. So maybe, if he rejects this reality, he can escape it again?

It all is going to depend a lot on what Terezi has to offer. (Going by the assumption it really is Terezi, by the way, not an imposter.)

It would really be something if this John, a twenty-four year old now, crosses back into the Meat timeline. He'd be leaving a lot behind, and frankly, be a shitty husband and father by going through with it. But yeah, Meat John is dead, has been for some time.

Jegus, John keeps filling his own dead self's shoes. Alternate John who dated Vriska. (Okay, in fact, in that situation, it was more of an inversion as the other John continued his developing relationship. On the other hand, for Davesprite, alpha John must've felt like the replacement John in the beginning.) Post-Retcon John who was killed by Typheus. Even Poppop Crocker, when he met up with B2 Dad.

The Candy path is definitely shaping up to be quite suspenseful, all expectations be damned!

---

Page 18

Wow.

Jake's so much more mature here. I want to see more of this man.

So yeah, it had occurred to me that part of the reason Gamzee hooked up with Jake and Jane could be because he was somewhat thinking of a) the other Page he was attracted to, and b) the Hope and Life players in his session, who were close to him on the hemospectrum?

But... I hadn't imagined Gamzee being Jane's kismesis. But it works so well. Got to say, it brings back memories of him on her land during the session.

So Jake and Jane had a baby! The first cross-species naming, then. After Tavros.

It's remarkable, isn't it? Dad, GCATavrosprite, Jasprosesprite^2, Nannasprite, Nannasprite*2... They fell on the wayside, we have no idea what happened to them. The sprites could've dissolved, we didn't seem them in the official credits after all, only the extra possibly outside-of-canon snaps, explaining why Jake would name his firstborn after Tavros. But Dad?

As for Jade and Davekat. Wow. Well, I guess, I really want to know now whether this revelation is also canon.

Cause Jade is either intersex or trans now, after fusing with Beq. (Also, it might be a dog penis, but capable of transferring human DNA? *Shudder.*) I can understand this would make her uneasy in exploring sexual options with Dave.

Wow. Yes, it seems that things are, in a very different but equal sense than in the Meat path, very raw and heartwrenching in this timeline as well.

At the start of the page, I started thinking for a minute that Gamzee would also find something off about the timeline. It would have been something for him to join John in pursuit of relevance, truth and all that. But no, it was just to bait Jane, it seems. If anyone, it would be Jake who might go through something similar as John.

Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Still said to see Jake getting the small end of the relationship stick, once again. Boy has no luck in love.

It was interesting to get Jane's honest take on politics on Earth C. If she and the others had just been honest with each other, they might have been able to struck an accord. Alas, through Dirk's meddling, it was not to be.

Also, it was funny to have Gamzee refer to the 5000-year skip in sweeps. Yeah, that... That doesn't convert well.

---

Page 19

Wow that took a turn!!

I thought it might have been time for them to discuss their relationship. How Jade has turned into the third wheel stopping the Davekat bicycle from taking off.

(Those references to Jane and Jake, I could've gone about.)

But then.

Something hit.

I thought instantly it would've been the other Jade. A moment or two I thought an ecto baby or First Guardian infant, for these three to take care off in lieu of a biological child. But no.

It's really REALLY the Postscriptum Jade!! (Well, I hope it's her, and that the Postscriptum doesn't take place on Future Candy Earth C.)

She "escaped" the black hole, into relevance, the PS said. So... It seems... As if...

Dirk was very much wrong.

Candy Earth C is going to play an important part in what's to come, yet.

Unless this Jade has only come to lift some of the people here away, like the mentioned Blue Fairy.

But in any case... It seems Davebot and Aradia can't be far behind.

This idyllic fantasy, who's already shown cracks, is about to be shattered.

What hit Jade, though, it almost seemed like those shards from the Furthest Ring, though it was called massless, here.

---

Page 20

Wow.

So, this Jade is suffering from a metaphysical poison. Just like John was from Lord English's tooth. Only... This Jade went into the black hole, and last we saw she was okay.

Is it because she's back in the "real" world that it's affecting her now?

For a minute there I thought Jane and Kanaya and Karkat could actually *explain* their grievances to each other. But no, alas. Karkat, validly I must say, just exploded with everything he's pent up.

Gotta say, if the trolls are getting antsy in this timeline, just imagine how it was going to pan out in the Meat timeline! I'm reminded of the troll rebellion that was referenced in the non-canon snaps.

Also, of course. OF COURSE, these Vriska and Tavros would clash on their first meet. Everyone should've seen this coming.

If anything salvages this scene, it must be Jake being able to placate the two toddlers. It's that sort of attention that Joey and Jude deserved to get from their Pa.

It's interesting to note how Rose is no longer sure about their situation. Maybe that's the influence of this corpse and its heavily-dripped-in-canon origin.

Roxy keeps being almost a vanilla version of herself, although the intent to hold a corpse party is horribly in character for her. Still, she feels less *real* than the other characters, who all seem to be kind of recovering from their diabetes-filled state.

John and Roxy, and Dave, Karkat and Jade are in dire need of some therapy, in any case. It was nice to see Karkat telling Gamzee off though. And weird to see Jane and Roxy keep jumping to his side. Like, they have no idea of the history here, and seem to think anyone can redeem themselves if they try hard enough. It kind of shows how they're not really all that streetwise.

Oh, forgot to mention - John has a moustache now. A manly one. Dear god, he's gone full Sassacre :P

---

Page 21

WHAT THE SHIT.

WHAT THE SHIIIIT.

WHAT THE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Roxy was right. The chances of all of them coming together like that, with all the stuff going on between them, are so infinitesimal.

But then she got into labor, and I thought that was that.

But

But

So, Aradia and Sollux turn up, and when I heard Jade had the shard still in her torso....

It would seem that this Jade isn't Postscriptum Jade... Yet.

Aradia and Sollux found a way out of the Furthest Ring on their own??? And somehow ended up on Earth C without explanation. Just when last page I almost thought as if all missing trolls mentioned in the epilogues' ToC were going to end up appearing as babies to the characters.

Karkat and Jane are in dire need of an actual debate.

Rose's lack of a good consolation was hilariously described.

But of course, the meat (Meat) of this page.

Is that Alt Calliope found a way through the Black Hole into the Candy path, and sent Reload Jade's corpse through it.

And just like in the Candy path, alpha Calliope is scared off. But it bears mentioning that Calliope herself was acting kind of weird, and was weirdly absent for a lot of the pages. It almost seemed to set her up as the narrator of this path, trying to give everyone what she thought they wanted. The fact that she and Roxy "broke character" for a moment was one of the things pointing in this direction.

But now Alt Calliope is here.

The narration is about to force everyone to confront who they really are. For better or worse.

I wouldn't be surprised if this ends with Candy Earth C as the battlefield seen in the Postscriptum. But what does that imply for Meat Earth C, where Alt Calliope ALSO put her influence to work.

She may claim not to influence, but even when she retreated into the narration, the atmosphere wasn't just magically improved over there.

Aradia and Sollux talking with Gamzee was... weird, but funny. I wonder if they are supposed to have aged some sweeps in the meantime. We know Gamzee must be about 8.5 sweeps now, while Karkat and the other trolls are about 11 sweeps.

I guess it's time we learn what Alt Calliope understands under "protecting" a world. I don't think Meat Dirk is coming over there, though I'm unsure what his grand design really is.

---

Page 22

Oh my god.

what is happening.

So Alt Calliope's influence didn't really do anything at that point but upset the group.

And now a 3 year time skip took place. So... wow. They're all 27 now.

And the troll ghosts that were sucked into the black hole are appearing everywhere now. The government is going bananas, but in fact, it must all be repetitions of the same 24 trolls, how weird is that.

I'm sure that in due time, some human ghosts will be appearing too. But this is just getting ridiculous.

Karkat went underground and into the resistance. Jane, as the shadow president, is secretly maneuvering things to invade the troll kingdom. This was supposed to be the Candy path, I thought it was going to be all shits 'n giggles!!!!

I do like that John, finally, after years, is starting to realize Terezi doesn't share anything about her at all. He asked for a picture, which I guess is nice. But, just like in the Meat path, he's torn up about the girl that he didn't stay with.

This has "disaster waiting to happen" written all over it.

Calliope seems to hunker after Roxy, but she still doesn't act on those feelings. It's like a twisted inversion of the Meat path.

It's like, all the sugar we started with has been turned into energy, and the rush has dissipated, and now there's only a tummy ache.

---

Page 23

Wow.

What the shit.

I could only root for John and Tavros' relationship. Seems like the little man is very sharp for his age. Since Harry is into atomic clocks as well, it seems that the tradition of children being into adult subjects like philosophy and psychology and science, continues.

But alas, it was not meant to be.

John finally couldn't take it no more, he had to scream what he'd internalized for so long. But it turned into something really messy, towards Jane and Jade. All valid points, but by losing control he most importantly scared Tavros and Harry Anderson.

The reaction of the other people was so... empty, though. Non-confrontational to a fault.

And I agree with John, Gamzee has apparently set himself up as Jane's subjugglator.

For all that Alt Calliope was saying, she sure seems to have NOT used any influence, though. And things very much have gone to shit here.

It was very cool to get to know Tavros and Harry Anderson as people, though. Tavros is indeed a kind of brother, biologically, to John (and Jade, and a half brother to June and Joey) in appearance. But it's like, personality-wise, he's more like a sad but smart version of Tavros. While his speech is colored in Gamzee's purple, ugh.

And Harry Anderson... A prankster in the making, for sure.

So, what is Terezi going to talk to him about? Is she talking to him from the end of the Meat path, just before she left Earth C? Or is she talking to him just after the other John died. :(

I can say this: I didn't think for a millisecond I would get THIS attached to people from the Candy path.

[caledfwlchthat]

Characters:  John Egbert, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas Ships:  John/Dave/Karkat, John/Dave, Dave/Karkat, John/Karkat Other Tags:  Post-Retcon Meteor, Dream Bubbles, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Xenophobia, Closets, Coming Out, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll/Human Sloppy Makeouts, Polyamory Negotiations, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Fat Vriska Jokes, Unreliable Narrator, References to Depression Rating:  Not Rated

Hi followers, now that Polyswap reveals are out (a few days ago now), I can fess up to writing this 20 kw JohnDaveKat thing about making out in literal supply closets, that I wrote for @cassandraooc (check out her art and AO3, she’s tops!).  Shout-out also to @katreal-fic for her help as a sounding board and general pompoms while I was writing this.

R^4 fans:  this was my May/June, I have not forgotten you!  But if you like all the dream bubble romance and the awkward poly negotiations Rose and Kanaya have been having about Dave, you might give this one a look too.

Process discussion (as best as I can recall it) under the cut, as with other swap assignments I’ve done, for anyone who’s interested in the (long, spoilery) story of what the hell I was thinking exactly when I wrote this thing.

So my giftee’s prompts were -- by her own admission -- written in a bit of a sleep-deprived haze (I had to laugh as I read them, haven’t we all been there at some point, I know I lost some sleep over mine).  We were each required to provide between three and six prompts for polyships (3-6 characters each) that we wanted to see depicted in gift fic or art.  Cassandra’s OT3 was JohnDaveKat, which sported a string of elaborate sub-prompts (“medievalstuck!”, “soulmates!”, “haunted house!”, etc.) -- along with an invite to not use any of those and just write whatever I felt like.  Other prompts for Dave/Sollux/Karkat, Jane/Callie/Roxy, and Rose/Kanaya/Jade were basically completely open-ended.

I’m trying to remember exactly how I seized upon the idea I ended up executing.  Although some of my other works feature polyships, such as Kankatrezi (The Cafe Mocha Caper) and Daverosemary (foreshadowed in R^4), the process of how they got together is important for me in ways that I don’t care about as much for canon ships.  I felt some resistance to just picking one of the ships and starting to write it as if it was already established.  Also, people who know my writing know that I like to stick close to in-game or post-game AUs, or at least the broader Homestuck setting, rather than non-game AUs or other settings that remove the characters from the context that made them who we recognize them to be.  So I was going to need some runway and a satisfying premise to run along it with.  But by golly, if Cassandra wanted JohnDaveKat, she was gonna get JohnDaveKat.

The JohnDaveKat prompt I personally found most hilarious and awesome was

John gets turned into a Trickster, and finds Karkat and Dave. In the ensuing candy fueled mess, a lot of pent up emotions and secret crushes get revealed, including Dave realizing and admitting that John was probably his first crush on another boy though he was in denial at the time, and Karkat admitting that his own pitch crush for John never went away. (For his part, John finds out that he might, in fact, be a bit of a homosexual.)

Another JohnDaveKat prompt that turned out to figure in heavily later with the work I ended up producing was

John decides to surprise Dave and Karkat with a visit, only to find them already *quite* busy. Before he can think of what to do or do enough thinking at all to leave, he gets caught, and Dave notices evidence of interest, knows Karkat's still got some pitch feelings, and has some of his own, suggests maybe John stay a bit and they talk over some things and maybe do other stuff later too.

Going with Earth C could also bring the Epilogues material into play, and I briefly toyed with an Epilogues-related scenario that could score multiple polyships at once, before remembering that the Epilogues are hugely polarizing and maybe I want to be double sure about my giftee before giving them such a gift in a fan swap.  A combination of Tumblr-stalking, re-reading the prompts and discreet inquiries showed that my idea wasn’t going to work, largely because Ultimate Dirk is a legendary piece of shit and his presence over against End-Of-Act-7 Dirk would cause real friction with Cassandra’s requests -- which leaned fluffy and offered bonus points for “DirkJake” and “Dirk and Dave being good bros who love each other”.  Maybe I could have just done something similar in a separate Earth C AU without a lot of the Epilogues baggage, but by that point the specific discarded spin on the idea had so thoroughly colonized my brain that I just had to ease the whole thing carefully onto the shelf.  I’d still be keen to write that other fic sometime.  Just not for this particular fill.

So, I took a break for a few days before revisiting the prompt and asking what else I could do.  When I think of John, Dave, and Karkat together, my mind goes immediately back to the “EVERYBODY STFU, I HATE YOU BOTH ETC” memo, in which Karkat tries to dissuade Dave and John from encouraging Terezi’s and Vriska’s flirtations, respectively.  This convo is burned into my head because I’ve VA’ed it -- I draw a lot of inspiration for character dialogue from the time I’ve spent doing goofy voiceovers for them.  And there is a lot of grist for the mill here:  Karkat alluding to his pitch crush on John, Dave making fun of Karkat for being gay (while not realizing or admitting how he might be projecting), John being totally clueless about whether he’s attracted to Vriska.  All of these are compatible with the “pent-up emotions and secret crushes” Cassandra asked for, and favors Dave <3 Karkat <3< John as a baseline.

Now, one of the reasons I love writing dream bubble fic is because I am fundamentally lazy.  I can basically use any canon Homestuck pesterlog as a prompt and run with it.  So that’s what I did here.  In the moment that they realize that it’s a dream, the participants are forced to reckon with the way dream bubbles respond to their innermost thoughts.  Deep desires manifest in weird ways; emotional distances contract, go non-Euclidean.  Despite this, the association with dreams simultaneously offer a layer of abstraction or remove to Dave and Karkat -- allowing them to access and slake those deep desires without having to take responsibility for it, either with themselves or each other, during waking hours.  In that sense, John opening the closet is like walking in on them a second time -- the dream bubble itself is their main outer closet, and they already know the jig is up when John diverts the pesterlog down Memory Lane.  This then raises the question of whether they might have wanted John to discover them, deep down?  Perhaps John’s convenient remembering is a sort of wish-fulfillment dream summoning.

From there I already sort of had the fic’s contours and decided it would be best written from John’s POV.  The other nice thing about the dream bubble setting was that it let John participate even during the meteor journey, when Dave and Karkat must have been messing around trying to reverse-engineer their own sexual preferences.  How gay is Dave, and how troubled is he about it at this point in his history?  How does he feel about John finding out?  Does Karkat somehow have some symmetrical hangups that leave him struggling as much as Dave, or is he just a giant crab?  (The literal vs metaphorical closet thing was accidental at first, but once I discovered that I ran hard with it.)

There were still some problems I struggled with, such as how to get John to fall for Karkat pitch-ways when he’s said in canon that he isn’t gay, and when Karkat has said in canon that he’s not pitch for John anymore.  The second problem is easily dispatched by pointing out that Karkat isn’t a reliable narrator of his own preferences, by construction.  As for the first -- John might be no Casanova, but he loves his friends and is fiercely loyal to them, and he also saves his anger for either really important moments (like his GAME OVER fight with Caliborn) or utterly trivial moments (like Con Air not being as good as he thought).  This seemed like a good place for the former.  Once that was laid out, the trio coalesced nicely -- Dave and Karkat need John to keep them honest, and John needs Dave and Karkat to keep him anchored.  John <> Dave and Dave c3< (John <3< Karkat) were dynamics that just showed up on their own.

The interpretation of the ending is left open, but the other difficulty I left unresolved is the timeline mismatch between pre-retcon and post-retcon, and the question of which John it was exactly that showed up in Dave and Karkat’s shared dream.  Pre-retcon Davekat didn’t happen because Dave and Karkat were fighting over Terezi, but post-retcon John died in the explosion of LOWAS and couldn’t live happily ever after having so gloriously enabled post-retcon Davekat.  And I wanted them to live happily ever after.  The two most obvious interpretations I could think of were (a) the three are all on Earth C and dreaming together of each other -- or, more poignantly, (b) pre-retcon John is starting to integrate some of post-retcon dead!John’s memories.  The second possibility leads in the direction of Ultimate John (what would that even be?) so I made sure to place the ending in a time frame that gives the Epilogues a miss -- although the background DirkJake also signals that this is probably an AU that diverges after the ACT 7 victory.

All in all this was really fun to write!  There were lots of other great prompts in the collection, but the ones that grabbed me looked like they would spawn more 20-30 kw novellas and I need to get back to my poor neglected serial!  I’m looking forward to making my way through the treats that others posted, eventually adding some of my own, and of course going through Cassandra’s other stuff.  (Maybe that awesome fantroll Friendsim project will be the next thing to eat my life after this.)

[biscuitcrow]

So...thoughts about the Homestuck epilogues under the cut

I picked [Candy] first because number 1, no way I’m eating raw meat and number two, it seemed more interesting to go against *cough* Rose’s advice I’m done following her. ‘Meat or Candy’? Iconic. Enjoyed the less than subtle symbolism.

After reading both endings I’m actually happy I read [Candy] first. Even though some people say to read Meat first, reading Candy really makes the situational irony count, specifically the Obama spiel and like, the parallel timeline concept is really engaging for me because you can compare the constants like Jane’s reign and Karkat’s resistance while observing the little fluctuations but you can also see how they interact or are similar.

My personal favourite is [Candy]. Meat feels direct, more linear, like ‘this is the way this is going now.’ but Candy is basically, well I’m not sure if it is but it feels like an offshoot with its lack of Relevancy, which means it reads more like ‘what could have been’ which is really interesting to contemplate because on the surface it feels good, fluffy, but it’s also hollow? But it's not written as if hollow is bad, you know? Hollow is not good, or bad, just, well hollow. It’s written as if the conflicts are very blown up from the character’s perspective, which is is, but if you take a step back its honestly laughable. But like if I remember correctly, somewhere somehow Rose said she had never been this happy? When I read that I honestly thought she was drugged, but if she was really that happy then I guess that’s how the story frames hollow as being a neutral thing? Which I agree with so it’s refreshing, because we get a lot of content saying that being substanceless or meaningless is bad. But I feel this timeline approaches it as a trade off in this case probably happiness for relevancy. It’s a bittersweet ending.

Can’t really remember but I feel like that was the contrast between Vriska and (Vriska) in the original Homestuck.

Also I was really happy to see Vriska come back!! Oh boy am I ready for Vriska. The Gamzee thing was really weird and distasteful, frankly, I did not like that part at all, but at least she regretted it so I was all like WHEW man.

So Meat was meatier in terms of plot, but the tradeoff was a bunch of people dying. I’ll discount the edginess because it didn’t really feel that way to me. But I do feel like the deaths in the battle were a little rushed over, like it was just a fun montage of deaths, and I’m not sure if that’s intentional. If it was then I can only guess that it was written for their deaths to feel inconsequential in the grand scheme of things? Candy is more personal-feeling but Meat seems to have themes of for the greater good, whatever that can be defined as. Apparently relevancy, cough Rose. Oh yeah, Candy was also more subtle in my eyes. I relish subtlety. It wasn’t really that subtle, but I still think it was more subtle than Meat.

What I liked about [Candy] was all of the above, and also the cute Roxy/Calliope. Oh wait one big thing. The Jade/Dave/Karkat thing. In my opinion, that was a huge clusterfuck and it read that way and I sure hope being read as awkward and unnatural was intentional because if it was oh boy was that unnaturalness good. I enjoyed that tone greatly. Got kind of mad at Jade, pitied her for a little bit, then got annoyed. All the Dave and John bro times were really good too I liked them. When Dave flash stepped away from that Awkward Cafe Meet I felt that. Your mom felt that. Obama felt that.

Also I liked that it broke my heart with domestic issues. Small things can be big things even if they’re small in the grand scheme of things.

What I didn’t like about it was the kids. And also kid Vriska. That’s just unsettling to me. I got used to it after a while but well, if there was a way to take them out smoothly perhaps I would. The Roxy/Calliope low-key-break-up was also kind of weird for me? So was the John/Roxy, but I think John felt a little of that weirdness and rushedness too so that’s a plus.

And the Dave/Jade marriage. But I didn’t hate it entirely, because it brought out the idea of settling for something more clearly. Like… the notion of whether settling is like, a thing. Okay, it’s difficult to put this into contextless words but I’m sure you get it.

I also can’t believe they let Gamzee out of the fridge. Who thought this was a good idea. Which actually brings me to another thing I like about it the whole spew about his ‘redemption arc’ even though he clearly didn’t redeem himself. That was the point, I think. Words don’t equate actions. This was minor, but also the whole xenophobia thing. I thought that both sides had good points to be honest. Possible mockery of political correctness. I was glad how neither party was completely crazy or didn’t make sense. Both parties had words held weight, so to speak.

What I liked about [Meat] was well, the plot. I know I complained about this before but that’s all it’s got and it wasn’t half-bad so I’ll give it some credit. Oh, but it was good at the shift from narrative text to speaker text. You know the one. That was fun. And so was all the Dirk after that. I’m happy we got to see more of Dirk.

Also the focus on the political power of Jake’s ass is hilarious to me. And how dense he is.

ALL the Davekat. Oh, joy, don’t we all love watching two disasters figure out how much of a disaster he is and then guess how much disaster the other one is? Not as much weird Jade stuff.

The manipulation everywhere. Fun to spot. Fun to read. Fun to break your heart.

The John/Terezi thing was cute, but I think I might have preferred it in Candy. It was more open-ended in Candy. Everything was more open-ended in Candy, I think? It felt that way to me, and I like open-ended things. But those were the themes they were trying to push, like the contrast in the existence of a free will, that happiness and relevancy are two different things, something about personal and impersonal meaning, ultimate knowledge, settling or chasing after a possibly unattainable ideal, certain sacrifices, trade-offs, and definitely metafiction.

I’m awfully dense so I could be missing the mark on the Real Overarching Themes here but feel free to enlighten me if you’ve even made it up to this point.

Also, I sorta remember one line about someone saying something about when you have a perfect world it is natural to turn to inconsequential made-up conflicts. Interesting hot take because I compared it with 17776 whose entire premise is that in a utopia where everyone’s needs are met everyone just plays games like football.

The other relationships that got less screen time on Candy was also aired here so that was really nice because I definitely wanted to see people like Calliope, Dirk, Dave, Karkat, Kayana, and Meenah.

Wait actually right… now that I’m thinking about it, what was the point of the whole political fiasco in this one. I thought the focus should have been on the big battle in canon. Which I suppose it was, but seriously wait did I miss something? Is it like a foil to the big bad battle Lord English battle? Screentime for Jake’s ass? Jane’s diabolical Schemes? Pushing the political correctness troll xenophobia theme agenda?

Also hilarious that Lord English kept eating John’s hammers. Not so hilarious when John refused to let go like seriously you are committing a stupid please John look at that big gold tooth in your torso now. At least you’re more valuable to the economy now right.

What I didn’t like about Meat was that it felt fast-paced, like the bits that I wanted for it to have more exposition was too short and rushed over. I didn’t really have that feeling with Candy even though I think there were more timeskips. But at least it was explicitly stated as a timeskip. Neither did I feel the emotional investment in the characters, not that much, since it was fast-paced and plot driven. I didn’t like how Obama wasn’t in it physically. Just kidding. Also more linear and closed, as previously mentioned.

Actually now that I think about it maybe I didn’t like Candy over Meat that much. Both have their merits and weaknesses. Maybe I like it just a little bit more because it was the first one I read and it had Obama.

Okay, after I read this again in the future I’ll probably sound really pretentious and also dumb at the same time but it’s okay! I just like analysing the shit out of content of dubious quality just let me have things. I’ve seen some people say they were lacklustre, and their analysis has merit, but honestly I’m just happy there’s so much more to read. I’m just writing it down so I don’t forget, because I always do. If you made it to this point and got anything I missed or forgot to bring up or disagree with I would love to discuss it: shoot me a PM please! Alright that’s it folks I can’t wait to draw more fun stuff.

[rivertellsstories]

“I thought you didn’t want me.” with katherine and davey?

Henlo @funnyihope u asked for Daverine (DaveKat, Kavey, Kavid?) so I’m giving you 2874 words of it :) it’s early in the morning again, so forgive me for all the mistakes in this.

Katherine notices David Jacobs immediately at their first meeting, although she doesn’t learn his name then. The well spoken, nicely dressed boy sticks out like a sore thumb in the group of ragamuffins strewn around the tables at Jacobi’s. The tie, buttoned up vest and use of the word ‘auspicious’ in a correct manner, make her suspect that he’s had a decent education and probably dropped out not too long ago. Longer than what’s probably deemed necessary, she lets her eyes wander over his seated form. When she catches herself staring, she promptly tears her eyes away from the admittedly quite handsome stranger. She’s her because she smelled a story, so a story is what’s she’s gonna get.

-

“I’m just a blowhard, Davey’s the brains”, Jack Kelly admits in a startling bout of honesty and with a smile, she tells him that honesty isn’t a quality she’d pinned on him. He doesn’t seem too offended by the remark and if he wasn’t so awfully flirtatious, they probably would be friends by now, Katherine thinks. She wanted to interview the other strike leader too (David, her mind helpfully supplies), but he had ran off with his little brother before she could.

They talk some more and for the first time, she gets to introduce herself with the name “Plumber”. For some reason it feels special to her, like its something worth celebrating. When they part ways and he tells her to: “Write it good”, she realises why she likes being called “Plumber” so much. With this name, she’s finally her own person, unrestricted by her fathers name and influence. These boys need help and Katherine Plumber is going to do everything she can to help them out.

-

She walks into David and his younger brother on their shared way to the circulation gate. It seems as though David’s contemplating whether he should walk up to her and greet her or not, but the younger brother makes the decision for him. “Hello miss reporter!” he calls out with youthful enthusiasm and Katherine shoots him a smile. “Good morning. My name is Katherine Plumber, what is yours?” She offers him her hand, which he vigorously shakes. “Les Jacobs. That’s my older brother David.”

It’s not new knowledge to her, but she doesn’t know how to bring that up, so she gives David a friendly nod instead. With a shy smile, he nods back. “Good morning miss Plumber.”

“Good morning mister Jacobs. Tell me, how do you feel about your ambitious strike?” she asks while they walk to the circulation gate with Les skidding ahead of them.  The question prompts a laugh from him and he turns to her, hands folded behind his back. “Already out for interviews huh, miss Plumber?”

“Always, mister Jacobs.” They share smirks and Katherine guesses that he’s the type that enjoys verbal sparring matches as much as she does. “You should ask our strike leader for a more interesting interview”, he says, leaving her question unanswered. “I am.” She stares him down, one eyebrow raised and he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh no, I’m not a strike leader, just a guy who talks a bit too much. Jack’s the reason everyone’s so motivated to do this. He’s got a way with people, I’m just a newbie who knows some fancy words.” She hums. “Well, Jack appointed you co-strike leader in his interview yesterday (David visibly pales at this and seems to get more nervous) and I would actually agree with him on that decision. But if you’re insistent on calling yourself 'just a newbie’, then do tell me, mister newbie, why you chose to join a strike at the beginning of your newsie career?”

“You’re a sharp one, aren’t you, miss Plumber?” She grins. “I try, mister Jacobs.” In front of them, Les comes to a halt and groans. “You just told each other your names, just use them instead of this miss and mister stuff. Davey ’s no mister. Davey is lame.” After those words, Les runs off again although he stays in their sight.

“My little brother, eloquent and honest as ever”, David remarks dryly and Katherine laughs at his unamused tone. “But to answer your question, I think that every worker, be it a newsie or a typesetter, should have some basic rights. You can’t take stuff away from people who already have so little and not expect them to revolt. Mister Pulitzer and all the other rich men in this town should not forget how dependent they are on their workers.”

“How do you think this strike will go? Do you think you’ll reach your goal?” David worries his lip between his teeth before answering. “I don’t know”, he whispers, uncertainty shining through in the way he plucks nonexistent loose threads from his vest. Then he takes a look at his laughing younger brother and shakes his head. When he continues, his voice sounds stronger, more sure. “We’re going to win this strike. For all the kids in this town.”

They reach their destination, but they’ve both got different places to be. “It was nice talking to you, mister Jacobs.” He nods and moves to walk away, but turns around again. “I’m sorry for calling you 'not a real reporter’. Good luck with your article, miss Plumber.” He’s gone before she can answer, mingling with the handful of newsies that are gathered there. She wishes all of them luck.

-

When she watches David interact with the newsies that aren’t Jack, she gets why he’s very hesitant to call himself one of the leaders of the strike. He carries himself awkwardly, chooses the wrong words and all in all just has a lot of trouble fitting in.

It’s when Jack’s words and charisma start failing him and newsies visibly lose hope, that Katherine notices a change in David. Now, she couldn’t call him awkward anymore. He is vibrant in his own way, using softer reassurances instead of Jack’s screamed motivation that had kept the newsies up until now. He manages to break through the void that separated him and the newsies before and Katherine makes a mental note to quote him in her article. “And say to the others, who did not follow through: you’re still our brothers and we will fight for you.” It’s powerful, yet gentle and understanding and Katherine thinks that those words describe David perfectly. He’s no fighter by any means, but his values are right.

Everything goes right until suddenly, it doesn’t. Katherine watches in horror as the tiny, charming newsie named Romeo, brutally gets smacked down. She’d always thought that the police was there to help people, but this strike makes her realise more and more how wrong her vision of the world can be. “Miss, we need to go”, her photographer says and although Katherine wants to help so badly, she knows there’s nothing she can do.

-

That evening she hits the streets again, hoping to find someone who can tell her how the fight ended. By sheer coincidence, she stumbles upon the Jacobs siblings. When she comes closer, she sees that Les has his arm in a sling and she winces. “Is everybody safe?” she asks and David barks out a bitter laugh. “No one died.”

“That’s not what I’m asking”, she says in a gentle tone and sits down beside him on some stairs. He sighs, letting his head drop down in his arms. “We don’t know where Jack is and Crutchie got taken to the refuge. Almost everyone is hurt one way or another and we gained exactly nothing today.”

She takes his hand into hers and squeezes softly. “That’s what tomorrow’s for. I’ll make your story public, get it out there for everyone to see. Trust me.” There’s a moment where they lock eyes, gazes heavy and Katherine feels her face flush. Then David nods and the movement distracts Katherine. “You’re hurt”, she notices and lets her thumb run over David’s cheek. He hisses in return but shakes his head. “Got hit, that’s all. It’s not that bad compared to some of the others.”

She frowns and sighs. Wouldn’t it be grand if her father would just leave these kids alone? She’d rather see them safe and sound, wrapped in blankets or something. They deserve that. All she can do for now, is get their story out their and help them out that way. “Well mister Jacobs (it gets a smile from him) , I’ve got a story to write. I will see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, miss Plumber.”

-She finds Jack Kelly in a back street, hands in his hair and face far away. As she crouches down, he snaps out of his reverie and Katherine notices how scared he looks. “They’ve got Crutchie”, he whispers and Katherine nods. “I understand-”

“No, you don’t!” Jack cries as he folds into himself again. “You don’t”, he sobs. “He’s to me what girls like you should be.” The sentence confuses Katherine for a second, but then she gets it. “You love him”, she states plainly and Jack nods, unable to bring out anymore words. She holds Jack Kelly until he dries his tears and runs away to god knows where.

-

Katherine and David do indeed meet again the day after, in Jacobi’s, where the mood is darker than the ink they use in the papers. Katherine decides to walk in in the most excited way possible and Racetrack gives her a tired, but meaningful look before he turns around and broadcasts his excitement.

Although Katherine knows that the blond boy is beyond tired, she notices that she can’t detect insincerity in him at all. As he hypes up the boys, Katherine comes to the conclusion that Racetrack Higgins is a very skilled liar and a talented actor. She puts that thought aside as she lets herself be pulled along in their impromptu, victory-fuelled dance party. After the climax has passed, she notices David leaving the joint and decides to join him.

“Where are you going?” David straightens his back and turns around to face her. “I’m getting Jack. We need him.” She doesn’t disagree, because those boys look up to Jack and him not being there is also a factor in their downtrodden mood. “Please be a bit gentle with him. He’s…”, she bites her lip, not knowing how to explain what Jack’s feeling like without telling David about Jack and Crutchie.

“He’s heartbroken”, David guesses and he’s not wrong. “I’m not gonna completely trample over his feelings, I’m just verbally gonna kick his butt a bit. He needs ta wake up.” It’s then that Katherine once again notices the changes in David Jacobs. His jaw is set, he’s using newsies slang and his eyes glisten with newfound determination. He’s also changed up his wardrobe a bit and Katherine has to admit that newsboy is a good look on him. Not that scholar wasn’t a good look on him, but she can appreciate the change. “Well then mister Jacobs, let us go kick some Kelly butt.”

Les joins them because he too wants to kick someone’s butt. David uses simple logic and a lot of stubbornness to get through to Jack, which results in an exasperated Jack admitting that David is in fact, right. The rally is brought up and approved, Jack is back in action and for a moment it looks like the strike is in their favour again.

-

That moment lasts all the way until her father decides that it’s his right to decide whether she reveals her ties with him or not and the look of utter betrayal from Jack stings her deeper than she would like to admit. As he’s led away, Katherine wonders how the rally is gonna go.

-

It already starts unfortunate. Jack isn’t there and David seems to regress from newsie Davey to newbie Davey. He looks as though he’s gonna throw up until Medda gives him some reassuring words. Katherine isn’t sure why she’s so proud of him spitting in his own hand without as much as a wince, but she hopes that he’ll make his idea work.

-

David’s doing a pretty solid job, but then Jack shows up and Katherine feels for him as he tries to convince them to take her fathers offer. All Jack Kelly wants is safety, but he’s giving it to his newsies in the form of betrayal.

-

Anger takes a weird form when David experiences it or maybe that’s because he is more upset and disappointed than angry. Katherine sits beside him as he tightens and loosens his fists every now and then until he breaks the silence. “What does he think he’s doing?” He sounds calmer than he probably feels and then suddenly, there’s tears. “Fuck”, he whispers and attempts to hide his face in his hands. “Fuck.”

She opens her arms and because they’re sitting down, he doesn’t have to lean that far down to put his head on her shoulder. “I really looked up to him, you know? I thought he was one of those people that are so good, that they only exist in books. I trusted him”, he admits between sobs and Katherine lets her fingers trail through his dark locks. “I know”, she says softly, “but David, sometimes people make the wrong choices because they want to keep their loved ones safe. If you start making choices for them instead of asking them what they want, you’ll end up disappointing people. I hope that that’s what Jack is doing.”

“Have I mentioned that you’re a smart one, miss Pulitzer?” Playfully, she lets her fingers trail down his spine. As he shivers, she answers. “You may’ve mentioned it before. Shall I go talk to Jack? I want to confirm that he’s just being stupid and not malicious.”

David nods and lets go of her. “Sorry for uhm…the crying.” She wipes away a few leftover tears and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t apologise for having human reactions. I’ll see you later Davey.”

“Later Kath.” It’s only when she’s already left the street, that she realises that he called her Pulitzer. There was no judgement in his voice though, so Katherine concludes that he just wanted her to know that he knew and wasn’t upset. It was quite…sweet.

-

Nothing felt as satisfactory as clocking Jack Kelly in the jaw. As the tension unwinds, Jack asks her to cover for him and Crutchie in public. Apparently those Delancey brothers are less stupid than they look and some of their comments have made him quite scared. Of course she agrees to help her friend out.

-They use her fathers printing press to bring him down and during this process, Katherine and David work closely together. They fill the night with stupid word jokes and nonsensical giggling as they run around the city’s distributing their paper.

-

Finally, it’s over. Katherine revels in the happy mood and is quite surprised by Jack Kelly kissing her square on the mouth in the midst of the crowd of newsies. Then she remembers her promise and adds a bit of show to it, making a spectacle out of the two of them that can’t be ignored.

When they separate, she catches David running off, while leaving Les in the care of Race and Albert. This is certainly out of character and Katherine decides to see what he’s up to. After dwelling in the streets for a while, unsure of where exactly David is, when she finds him.

He’s seated on the steps of a front porch, face hidden in his arms. She wonders if he has a headache, but then she notices the way his body trembles and a tiny sob breaks through the silence. “Davey, are you alright?” she asks, unsure of what’s going on. His body goes taut when he hears her voice, but then he looks up and quickly wipes his face. “I just realised how wrong I was about something.” He looks down again, not meeting her eyes. “So you and Jack are a thing now? Like, officially?”

And then it finally clicks and Katherine drags him close to her by his open vest. As she presses their lips together,he lets out a surprised noise and brings his hand to the back of her head , softly cradling it. “Wait!” he yells and pulls back. “What about you and Jack? I thought you didn’t want me.”

He sounds so certain in his belief that Katherine desires Jack, that Katherine wants to kiss all of that away. “I want you and no one else. Jack’s got a relationship with someone else, I’m just a coverup”, she explains and David mulls over the idea. “Oh, I get it. People were getting suspicious of Crutchie and him, right?” She frowns. “How do you know that?” He shoots her a smile in return. “I’ve got eyes.”

“You sure do. You know what else you got? Lips. Please kiss me again.”

Ending the strike with David’s hands on her lower back and his lips on hers, is a perfect ending to the strike, Katherine decides. “I love you miss Pulitzer.” Katherine smiles against David’s lips. “Love you too, mister Jacobs.”

[margoslxix]

OKAY so I was tagged by @autisticmob and I think these things are fun so here we go!

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in any order), answer the questions and tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

So, obviously I gotta pick:

1. Homestuck

and 

2. New Albion

But I legitimately don’t know what third fandom to pick. I’m going to go with.......

3. Magic the Gathering

Because, I don’t know, I like it and I don’t get enough chances to talk about these characters.

First Character You Loved:

1. “First” is tricky, because I loved most of the characters pretty right away. I guess Calliope? Not that I hadn’t loved anyone before Act 6 or anything, I just remember liking her right away after meeting her, and also thinking she was my favorite character for a while.

2. Again, this is a hard one. Annabel is probably the obvious answer, but it’s true. I think she’s everyone’s first favorite, though. Her songs are just so good, plus she’s the first character you really get to know.

3. Hmmm. Liliana? I loved her aesthetic right away, for sure. I mean, be honest, how can you not at LEAST think she’s pretty goddamn cool.

The Character You Never Expected to Love So Much:

1. Caliborn, full stop (heheh). He’s my son and I would die for him. My very, very first initial impression of him was “god, what a douchebag.” But he’s MY douchebag now and tbh I relate to him a lot. He’s got a lot of problems, he’s definitely not an easy person to like. But I think he has so much narrative potential, and even most of his awful qualities (mostly the misogyny, let’s be honest) could honestly probably be dealt with if he was actually properly socialized. Which I’m still not 100% sure isn’t canonically possible. Too bad the comic’s mcfucking over.

2. Lloyd Allen. He definitely comes across as a dick, but he’s got a lot of hidden depth. He’s just such a good guy? Like, once you learn the lengths that he went to and the danger he put himself in, just for the chance to make his boyfriend happy again, I just... I can’t, I’m getting very emotional. I love Lloyd Allen, okay?

3. Gideon MOTHERFUCKING Jura. I hate Lawful Good, usually. I think it’s often just an excuse for characters to be stupid as hell, rigid, and incapable of understanding moral ambiguity. But honestly, Gideon is one of the best Lawful Good characters I’ve ever seen. He is legitimately heroic, and the fact that he’s not 100% rigid in his alignment, choosing Good over Law every time, is honestly cool. I just... he’s a character type and trope that I usually can’t stand, but done very well, and that’s impressive enough that I honestly love him.

The Character You Relate To Most:

1. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you already know it’s Caliborn. He’s stubborn, determined, unyielding... and I’ll admit, I’m much the same. I think I approach problems in a similar way to him, and get confused/annoyed by similar, arbitrary things. Also, he’s absolutely autistic, and I’ll fight anyone who says he isn’t. 

2. Uncle Raven, aka David Adams. I mean, there are a lot of things about him that I can’t relate to. A lot. Like being extremely attractive, for one thing. But he is Aesthetic Goals. He’s a sad carnival man, and I’m a sad man who loves carnivals. He also copes with loneliness and abandonment about as well as I do, which is to say, not very well at all. Also the whole, “sad businessman who lost his mind and gained superpowers” thing is somehow also relatable. Now where the fuck are my reality-bending powers?

3. Vraska, probably. Gods, I fucking love Vraska. If Gideon hadn’t been my answer for the last one, it would have been her. The Ixalan story really hit me hard, and I love her a lot. Just, she’s been through a lot of shit and it’s made her hard and cruel, but who she is around Jace, now, with her memories intact, just... aaa, fuck, I love Vraska. I really hope they beat up Nicol Bolas soon. Fuck that guy.

The Character You’d Slap:

1. Cronus, probably. He just needs to stop. Not stop anything in particular, just stop in general. And the thing is, I don’t even completely hate him. I just hate a lot of his bullshit. Hussie once called him “the worst character in Homestuck,” and honestly, I can see it.

2. Okay, yeah, the “correct” answer here is probably Edgar or Sarah. But I’m still gonna go with Connor. I just, I don’t know, I have this weird, irrational hatred for Connor. I find him incredibly irritating. Almost every problem he’s ever had has been his own damn fault, and it’s obnoxious hearing him cry about it. I mean, “Connor” is still a gorgeous song and all, but as a character, I just wanna tell him to suck it the hell up.

3. Nicol Bolas? I mean, he deserves way more than a slap. But it seems like he’s literally behind every bad thing that happens lately and he needs to knock it the fuck off. Amonkhet was particularly like.... DUDE, not cool. You can’t just turn an entire world into a zombie factory, what the FUCK is wrong with you? I hate this fucking dragon, and this is coming from a guy who loves dragons, and also villains.

 Three Favorite Characters (In Order of Preference):

1. Caliborn, Calliope, Dirk

2. Raven, Lloyd, Han Mi

3. Vraska, Jace, Chandra (this list subject to change at literally any time)

A Character You Liked At First, But Don’t Anymore:

1. Okay, so this is going to sound incredibly harsh, so let me preface it with, it’s not that I DON’T like him, it’s just that he annoys and vexes me, and I’m sick of seeing him, and ALSO that I used to like him more than I currently do. In FACT, I do sometimes have feelings about him that I would normally have mostly for characters I like more, so it’s not that I hate him, okay? But it’s Jake English. Fucking... he’s so goddamn stupid and self-absorbed. And yeah, I get that it wasn’t his fault. I get that he’s been through some serious shit that no one should have to go through. Yeah, okay, just like every other character in this comic. But like, come on dude. But it’s less about him, I think, and more about how the fandom treats him. He’s not just an accessory for Dirk, for one thing (and I’m sorry, you can NOT convince me that they get back together in the end, that’s stupid, they had literally no chemistry whatsoever). And anyway, I’ve ranted way, way longer than I need to. But I have to set the record straight. I don’t HATE Jake English, I just think he’s dumb as a bag of teeth and I’m sick of seeing his face.

2. I’m actually having a hard time thinking of anyone specific. The more I learn about most characters, the more I like them. Seriously, I’m trying to think of a character that I like even a little bit less than my first impression of them. Maybe Connor? But I wasn’t really super crazy about him from the beginning, so I feel like that doesn’t count. I guess I’m going to have to go with Tristan from A Pirate’s Tale (even though that doesn’t technically count as New Albion but FUCK IT, I’m counting it) because like, “Ride the Hemp” is my jam and an awesome song, but when you actually read the script, he’s just kind of a dick. So yeah, I guess that’s it.

3. Again, there’s no one in particular. I think both Liliana and Nissa fall under “I used to love them a lot, but now I’m feeling a bit more ambiguous about them”--Liliana because DAMN getting a look at how she’s treated Jace all this time from Vraska’s perspective was some SHIT, and Nissa because I don’t particularly approve of her leaving the Gatewatch after all that shit about realizing that Chandra was her friend and all. I don’t know. I don’t hate either of them. Heck, I don’t even dislike either of them. But that’s one thing that’s cool about the constantly shifting perspective in the Magic stories. I just know I’m going to see something from their perspectives that changes everything before too long. Hell, Dominaria is already giving me a lot of Liliana feels.

A Character You Did Not Like At First, But Do Now:

1. See, I actually kind of liked everyone in Homestuck right away. And I’m not even counting Caliborn here, because I never really disliked him, I just never expected him to be my favorite character. I guess maybe Eridan? It’s not even that I particularly like him that much now, I just don’t dislike him as strongly as I did at first. I’m not even sure why. I think that one fansong (”Ugly Story”) kind of increased my affection for him. But he’s still not even in my top 20, so I don’t know.

2. Rachael. I’m not going to lie, the first time I listened to The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, I thought she was obnoxious. I mean she did lowkey try to get herself killed while singing a big, dramatic song for the sole reason that this guy that she was convinced was her destined love match turned out to be gay. That’s some fuckshit, right there. But the more I listened and the more I thought about her... with all the shit she’s been through, it makes sense. And it’s not like her assumption was totally irrational. Plus, Connor told her that that was the case because Connor’s a fucking idiot. So I’m blaming him for this one. So yeah, Rachael’s actually pretty cool. Plus “The Show No One Saw” is a bop.

3. Hmmmmmmm, I don’t know. I’m honestly drawing a blank. Vraska, maybe? It’s not really that I didn’t like her, but I’ll admit, I kinda was late to the party with a lot of Magic stuff. So I was just like “Wait, isn’t she just that gorgon assassin from Ravnica?” but then Ixalan happened, and she’s my daughter now. So there’s that.

Three OTPs:

1. ....Do I even have to say it? Dirkborn is my real, true OTP. I’m utter trash for this ship. Their whole dynamic is so much fun, and honestly, these boys could be extremely good for each other. Plus, they actually have canon chemistry, so there’s that. Davekat is a real close second. It’s one I actually wasn’t 100% sold on when I first saw it, but now I can’t imagine the comic without it. I’m so happy that it’s canon. I guess third would be Roxy/Calliope, which is funny, since I really didn’t used to like that ship very much. But I’ve come around on it, it’s honestly adorable.

2. Lloydven (Lloyd/Raven) is the obvious one here. I mean, I feel like it’s lowkey the most common OTP in the fandom. But like, damn. I honestly almost cried reading The Ballad of Lloyd Allen. They’re just so in love. Second is probably Leedrian (Lee/Adrian), just because. Honestly, it’s not even that deep fam, I just think they’re cute and also I love Adrian in general. HelMi (Helen/Han Mi) is a very, very close third, if not second. Like if you cry every time. Seriously, just.... FUCK.

3. Vraska/Jace. They had BETTER get that fucking date on Ravnica! If they don’t I will scream! That’s the best ship Magic has right now, I’m sorry, that’s just how it is. Now, I will say, I’m at a bit of a loss here. I used to ship the Gatewatch as an OT5 (Gideon/Jace/Liliana/Chandra/Nissa) but I feel like that’s been complicated by a lot of other feelings I have about individual members, so I’m not sure I really ship it anymore, leaving me kind of adrift. Honestly, though? Saheeli/Huatli had better fucking sail, so I’m going to call that #2 for right now. Please let them make a robot dinosaur together! And Chandra/Nissa is still fucking quality, I don’t care what happens.

OKAY so now I have to tag people. Since KC didn’t bother tagging 10 I’m not gonna, either. Just, any mutual who wants to can take it. For the sake of actually tagging people though, let’s say.... @draconicmentalist @stokerbramwell @gearydigit @the-cheese-hive-mind @swiftyscreativitycorner @vadvivon @humanmosquito And tbh there’s a lot of other people I would want to tag but I don’t remember everyone’s URLs and tbh I’ve already spent enough time on this post so, PLEASE DO THIS IT’S FUN

[homeiswherethestuckis]

A Day At The Beach

I wrote this one for @amarandomperson, who requested davekat and the Mayor, which was something I was totally happy to do! :D  It’s a post canon beach day.  I hope you like it!

The Mayor’s been...busy ever since Can Town was founded on Earth C.  Not that you haven’t been busy yourself, but being a god and being a mayor are two entirely different things.  You feel like you haven’t seen the Mayor in forever.  But today he finally has a day off!  A day he said he wanted to spend with you and Karkat!  Hell yeah, it’ll be just like old times again!  Except this time you’re not on a meteor hurtling through the void towards a massive boss fight anymore.

So like old times, but without all the shit weighing down on your mind all the time.  Old times but a fuck ton better.

You got out of bed the moment the sun came up, no point in wasting time sleeping right now.  You crawled out of bed and got dressed quickly before heading downstairs.  The strong smell of coffee hit you the moment you wandered into the kitchen.  Karkat’s standing by the counter, holding his face close to the steam.  He looks up at you as you enter and smiles.  

“Morning.”  He yawns.

“You’re up early.”  You pour yourself a cup of coffee.  “And you’re not grumbling my fucking ear off about how you’re days already ruined to shit by just the act of waking up and having your poor, fragile eyes immediately assaulted by the rays of this planet’s big scorch orb or whatever longwinded alien terminology you wanted to use for the morning’s rant.”

“Fuck you, dick ferret.”  Karkat hands you the sugar.  “I’m in a good mood today.”

“That’s rare.”

He snorts.  “You don’t think I know that?”

You pour a ton of creamer and sugar into your coffee and stir until it goes from dark brown to a light tan.  Honestly, you don’t even like coffee that much, but it does wake you up so at least it gets the job done.  You take a drink and swallow half of it in one gulp.  It burns your mouth a little, but you don’t mind.  You have things to do today, you can’t wait for your coffee to cool.

“When are we going to see the Mayor?”  Karkat asks.

“Damn, you’re not beating around the bush today.”  You take another sip of your coffee.

“I was never that into attacking shrubbery, Dave.”  He shrugs.  “I’m more interested in knowing when we’re going to leave.  Don’t tell me I wrenched myself from the grips of sleep for nothing.”

“There’s the morning hater I know and love.”

“Don’t sweet talk me and answer the question.”  

“I don’t know.  Soon, I guess.”  You shrug.  “As soon as possible.  Probably right after this.  And after you get dressed, obviously.”

You point out his pajamas.  Technically they’re not pajamas, they’re just the clothes he fell asleep in last night.  That’s usually the case with Karkat.  

He puts his empty cup in the sink.  “So if I change clothes, we can go?  Right now?”

“Yeah, right now.  I mean as long as the Mayor’s cool with it.”  There’s no way he wouldn’t be, but you whip out your phone and start texting anyway just to make sure.

Karkat runs upstairs to get ready while you finish off your coffee.  You get a text back in the meantime.  The Mayor’s more than okay with you both coming over right now, and he’s just as excited to spend the day with you and Karkat.  

He comes back downstairs in shorts and a t-shirt.  “Okay, let’s go.”

Before you can even say anything in reply he grabs you by the wrist and starts dragging you out the door.  You barely have time to put your coffee cup down and get your shoes before your socks are wet with dew from the grass.  Karkat stops a few feet away from your house and turns around.  He’s still got your wrist in a steel grip.  “I don’t know where we’re going.”

“Yeah, I know.”  You roll your eyes.  “I got it.  I figured we would just fly there.  I know you hate doing it but it’ll be easier and a helluva lot faster than trying to hoof it from here.”

Karkat huffs but doesn’t protest.  Today is a day of firsts.  

You put an arm around him.  “We can stop on the ground again whenever if the height freaks you out.”

“Heights don’t freak me out.”  He says quickly.  His arms are around you in a death grip the moment his feet leave the ground.  Yeah, he’s not freaked out by heights.  And you’re a fucking horse.

It doesn’t take very long to get to the Mayor’s place like this (though it definitely would have been a shorter amount of time if Karkat wasn’t weighing you down, not that you really mind), you’re in the air for less than ten minutes before you land back on solid ground in Can Town, just a few feet away from his door.

Karkat lets go of you and you both take a moment to appreciate the beauty that is Can Town at this scale.  You’d both known that the Mayor had planned to build an actual town modeled after the one you’d both helped with on the meteor, but actually experiencing the town itself is always a treat.  One of these days you’re really going to have to take some time off and really explore the place.  

You wish you’d thought of that ahead of time, but that’s alright.  The plans you made for today should be just as fun.  You both walk over to the giant can the Mayor calls a house and knock on the door.

You don’t have to wait very long for the door to be flung open, and it’s only a split second later that the three of you are in the tightest group hug imaginable.  Seriously, if you were any closer to these two people right now, you’d be merging into the same organism.

You’re not sure who initiated the hug and who’s breaking it apart, but you’re a little sad it’s already ending.  It’s okay though because you’re still holding hands once the hug’s over with.  

The Mayor asks where you’re all planning on going, and Karkat turns to you, also curious about today’s destination.  It only occurs to you just now that even though you spent the past few days discussing this together you forgot to tell him what you’d finally decided on doing.  

“I was thinking we could go to the beach.”  You say.  “You know, walk around, watch the waves, soak up that sun, all that cliche crap.  It’ll be fun.”

You shrug as if you didn’t waste literal hours of your life coming up with this plan.  Karkat and the Mayor exchange a look that you can’t really read.  

Karkat’s the first to speak.  “I’ve never been to the beach.”  He admits, shrugging.  “It’s probably awful and I’ll hate it, but I’d like having another experience to complain about.”

The Mayor agrees, but is more enthusiastic about it than Karkat is.  

“Cool.”  You nod.  “I don’t think it’s too far a walk from here.  Karkat, you should be happy about that.”

“I told you, heights don’t freak me out!”  He snaps.  

“You’ve made your opinion about flying pretty vocally clear during multiple bitch fits in the past, I was just trying to be nice.”  You reply.  “Besides, I never said anything about heights.”

“Fuck you, ass mucus, it was implied.”  

“No, not even a little.”  

The three of you start walking as you and Karkat continue to bicker about whether or not you implied that Karkat was afraid of heights, a fact which he continues to claim he isn’t even though nobody believes him or even cares if he is.  The argument eventually peters to a close without reaching a real conclusion and you both turn your attention to chatting with the Mayor instead like you really should have been doing all along.

The Mayor’s been up to a lot lately.  Right now he’s working on a big project, some sort of monument to people he knew before.  Other than that, things have been pretty normal for him.  The citizens all love him, and he participates in decision making with the leaders of the carapacian kingdom often (which makes sense because Rose and Kanaya know him personally and Roxy seems like she’d be open to that).  He’s busy, but he’s happy.  Everything’s been good for him so far.

The same can be said for you and Karkat, and you take turns telling the Mayor everything you’ve done since you saw him last. Karkat does a lot of the talking, and you occasionally interrupt with a comment or something Karkat forgot to mention.  You like listening to them talk, you’ve never heard Karkat speak so softly to anyone else before.  It’s kind of endearing.

There’s salt on the breeze that you’ve never tasted before.  If you were being honest with yourself, one of the reasons you wanted to come here was because you’ve never seen the ocean in person.  You’d be lying if you said you weren’t relieved to find out that Karkat hasn’t seen it, either.

The three of you reach your destination, and you all stand here motionlessly and take it all in.  It’s bluer than you imagined, and surprisingly vast.  It looks endless from here, and you feel small and a little insignificant in comparison.  The feeling passes once you remember that this shit only exists because you helped create it in the first place.  Suck it, ocean.

You tear your eyes away from the water and glance over at the other two.  They both look just as entranced with the waves as you are.  You could probably waste a good chunk of time just holding hands and staring, mesmerized by the fucking current like a bunch of asshats.

“Wow.”  Karkat says, looking shocked at his own comment.  “It’s...really pretty.”

“I want to throw a rock at it.”  

Both of their heads snap over to you.  “Dave, what the fuck?”

“I have no other explanation besides this.”  You let go of the Mayor’s hand so you can give the most exaggerated shrug you can manage.  

“Well, moment’s ruined.  What the hell are we supposed to do now, Dave?”  He asks, raising an eyebrow at you.  “Or was staring at a giant salt puddle all that was on the itinerary today?”

“That’s a pretty biting tone for someone who was way more than okay with doing that all day a second ago.”  You reply.  “But no, there’s more.  Like I said, there’s so much cliche shit we could do.  We did the staring at the waves part, so that’s a big check mark in the done square.  We could get closer and walk around in the sand, Karkat you strike me as the whole ‘I like long walks along the beach’ kind of guy, if I’m being honest here.  Or if that’s not really something you feel like doing because your poor toes are too sore to appreciate the sand right now since we walked all the way over here, then we could do something else.  Try to skip rocks or some shit.  Sand castles.  You know the drill.”

“No, I really don’t.”  He shakes his head.  “None of what you said made any fucking sense.  Are you having a stroke?”

“No, Karkat, I am not having a stroke, but thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it, dude.”  You start taking off your shoes and socks.  “If none of the things I suggested made any sense to you, then clearly that means we gotta do all that shit.  Right fucking now.  Don’t you think so, Mayor?”

He nods, and that’s all the confirmation you need before running off towards the water.  You reach the sand, and it’s warm under your feet.  Karkat and the Mayor follow behind you.  

“Why’d you take off your shoes?”  Karkat asks, staring at your already sand coated feet.  

You wiggle your toes at him.  “It’s part of the beach experience.  Come on, take yours off.”

He takes his shoes off reluctantly and holds them in one hand as he puts his feet carefully on the ground.  

“So, sand?”  You pry.  “Yea or nay?”

“I could take it or leave it.”  He replies, looking down at his feet as he moves the sand around.  “I still prefer shoes and solid ground, but if I have to be barefoot on ground up rocks to get the full cliche experience, then fuck it, sure.  I’ll do it.”

He throws his shoes so they land near yours.  “So,”  he says, crossing his arms over his chest, “what are we doing first?”

“I don’t know about you,”  you stoop down and start digging through the sand, “but I still want to throw a rock at it.”

You manage to find a smooth, good sized rock deep in the sand.  “I figured skipping rocks would be a good start.”

You fling your rock at the ocean as a demonstration.  You don’t actually know how to skip a rock, so it just plunks right into the water.  

“Dave, that didn’t skip.”  Karkat points out.

“How the fuck would you know?  You didn’t even think skipping rocks was a thing until a couple seconds ago.”

“Yeah, but even I know that’s not what a skipped rock looks like.”

“Well why don’t you do it, then, if you’re such an expert at rock skipping?”  You goad.

Karkat takes the bait without hesitation.  “Okay, give me a rock and I’ll do it.”  He holds out his hand to you.

You push his hand away.  “I can’t do that.  Finding your own rocks is an integral part of this practice, man.  You gotta do it yourself.  It wouldn’t count if I did it for you.”

“Fine.”  His hands are on his hips.  “Just you wait, I’m going to find a great rock and I’m going to skip the fuck out of it while you stand there, shamefaced and completely owned by me, a total rock skipping noob.  Get ready to grovel at my feet, Dave.”

“Grovel?”  You smirk.  “Now that sounds like a challenge, Karkat.  Are you sure you want to go through with that?”

“Fuck yeah, I do.”  He nods.  “Based on your severe lack of skill, I think I stand a good chance of winning.”

“Oh, is that so?  In that case, you’re on!  Mayor, do you want in on this, or are you cool with judging?”

The Mayor picks up a rock.  He’s in.  

“Okay, cool.”  You nod.  “So here’s what we’re gonna do.  We’re going to take four minutes to split up and scour the beach for rocks to throw, and when those four minutes are up we’ll meet back here with our rocks and start throwing them.  The first person whose rock actually skips will be declared the winner, and Karkat will have to lick all the sand off of my feet.”

“That’s only if you win, right?”  

“Nope.  You have to bathe my nasty, sand covered feet clean with your tongue regardless of who wins.  Sorry, bro, I don’t make the rules.”

“Yes, you do!  You just made that rule just now!”  

“Wow, what the fuck, Karkat, I can’t believe you’re accusing me of making up rules.  I’ll have you know that that’s always been a rule in rock skipping competitions.  You have to lick my feet, that’s just how this game is.”

“If you put your vile sand frond anywhere near my face I’ll skip my rocks off your shades.”

“Oh, is that a threat?”

“Yes, obviously it’s a threat, you dense piece of moldy grubloaf.”

The Mayor intervenes before this can escalate into a contest to see who can throw the best insult at the other’s face and gets you back on track to what it actually is, a contest to see who can throw the best rock.

“How will we know the four minutes are over?”  Karkat asks, tilting his head.  

That’s a good question.  “Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep track of the time and yell for you guys when time’s up.”

“And we’re supposed to meet up right back here?”

“That’s the plan, yeah.”  You nod.

“How the fuck are we supposed to find right here?  I mean, look around for a second, Dave, this all looks the fucking same.  How am I supposed to differentiate this exact spot from all of the other identical spots on this sand strip?”

Before you can come up with an answer, the Mayor draws a big 'X’ in the sand between you and Karkat with his foot.

“Like that.”  You point at the 'X’.  “That should help you find your way back easier, as long as you keep looking at the ground.”

Karkat studies the 'X’ carefully and nods.  “Yeah, that should help.  Thanks, Mayor.”

“Okay, so we’re meeting back here in four.”  They both nod.  “Ready....go!”

You all split up, and you start searching frantically along the beach for some good rocks.  You find a good amount closer to the water where the sand is damp and grab as many as you can before the four minutes are up.  When the time’s run out, you make your way back with an entire pile of rocks in your arms.  

Karkat and the Mayor have both also found a good amount of rocks, and their’s are already lain down on the ground before you get there.

“Well, Karkat, why don’t you start?”  You say as you promptly dump your rocks next to you.  “Show me up at skipping rocks.  Right here, right now.”

“Oh, you bet I’ll show you.”  He picks up a rock.  From the very limited knowledge you have about skipping rocks, you know his isn’t going to work very well.  He winds up like he’s about to throw a baseball, which is also not what you’re supposed to do, and tosses it into the water.

It makes a fair amount of distance before it hits the water, you’ll give him that much.  You knew this was going to be the end result, but you can’t help but laugh anyway. “That was awful.”

He bristles.  “Shut up!  You didn’t do any better.”

“Yeah, I know, but I’m definitely closer to skipping a rock than you are.”  You toss one of yours, and even though it doesn’t skip it still looks like a better throw than Karkat’s was.  That’s really all that matters.

Karkat picks up another rock and holds it in his hands.  “I’m going to put you in your place, Dave.  Mark my words, I’m going to kick your ass by getting this rock to skip before you even know what hit you.”  

He throws it underhand this time, and it splashed unceremoniously into the water.  Karkat growls in frustration, already pissed off at his inability to throw a god damn rock the way he wants to.

“My guess is it’s going to be a rock.”  You reply as you toss one of your rocks.  It falls in with a thunk.  “You’ll have a better chance at hitting me than you would getting any of those misshapen petrified shits to skip.”

He yells and throws another one.  It goes right in the water again.  

You throw another one, and it plops right into the water just like the rest of them.  It’s not much longer before you’re both shouting and throwing rocks into the water without any intention of even trying to get them to skip across.  Your supply of rocks is depleted sooner than expected.

You both stand there, breathing hard and watching the waves crashing against the shore.  

“So who the fuck won?”  You wonder out loud.

“It’s a tie.”  Karkat says, kicking the sand.  “We’re out of rocks and we both suck.”

“That’s true.  Fine, a tie it is.”  You turn on your heel and are about ready to suggest something else when you notice that the Mayor still has his rocks piled by his feet.  “Mayor, how come you didn’t throw any of yours?”

He shrugs.  You and Karkat looked like you were having fun, he didn’t want to interrupt.

You feel bad for accidentally leaving him out.  That’s the opposite of what this day’s supposed to be about.  “Before we do anything else, you should at least throw one.  You were a part of this competition, too.”

“Didn’t he already win, since we both tied for last?”  

“Well yeah, but you can’t be a real winner without throwing at least one rock.”

The Mayor takes a rock off of his pile.  You and Karkat both watch as he approaches the water slowly before throwing it.

It skips.

It skips five fucking times.

“Holy shit.”

“Is that what we were supposed to be doing?”  Karkat asks incredulously.  “I don’t think I’m physically capable of doing that.”

“Yeah, me neither.”  You admit.  “Fuck, he made it look so easy.  Mayor, how the hell did you do that?”

He doesn’t answer you and throws another rock.  This one also skips.  He picks up another one and tosses it.  That one skips, too.  Damn, all this time you spent with the Mayor and you didn’t even know he was a rock skipping champion.  You think you know a guy.

“Could you show us how to do that?”  Karkat asks after the Mayor’s fourth rock skips three times across the water.

The Mayor nods and places a rock in both Karkat’s and your hands.  You watch carefully as he gives a slow demonstration of what he’s doing.  You both try to copy him as best you can.  Yours still falls right in.  Karkat somehow manages to get his to skip once.  Just the once.

Once is enough, though.

“I did it!”  Karkat yells excitedly, pumping his fist in the air.  “Fucking finally!  Dave, did you see that?  Mine skipped!  I beat you!”

“Yeah, I saw.”  You sigh in defeat.  As much as you would have loved to beat him, you don’t really mind losing.  Karkat’s so fucking ecstatic about winning a dumb rock throwing game, it’s actually adorable.  “I guess I just can’t skip rocks.”

“You’re damn right, you can’t!”  Karkat grins.  “And now you have to french my sand foot!”

“Whoa, wait, I never agreed to that.”

“Yes, you did!  Don’t lie to me, Dave.  Loser has to kiss my feet, sorry them’s the rules.  I don’t make them, I just enforce them.  Now get down and do it, asshole.”

“No, that’s gross.”

“Of course it’s gross, but you have to do it because you lost.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Do it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Do it or I’ll rub my foot on your face.”

“Fine,”  you start inching backwards, “do it.”

“I will,”  he moves closer to you, “just stop moving first.”

“No,”  you shake your head and take another step backwards, “if you really want to shove your foot all up in my beautiful grill, you’re going to have to catch me first.”

You bolt, kicking up sand as you run away.  Karkat and the Mayor start chasing you all along the beach.  You run as fast as you can, only a couple steps ahead of the other two the whole time.  Karkat gets close to catching you a few times, you can feel his fingers brush against you every once in awhile.  

You come to a stop without warning when you start to feel like you can’t run anymore.  Karkat and the Mayor both run into you, and you all topple over into a heap in the sand.  You roll over so your face isn’t pressed into the sand anymore.

“Do you give up yet?”  Karkat asks, he’s breathing directly into your face.  His breath smells like coffee and toothpaste.  

You wrinkle your nose.  “I got sand in my mouth, does that count?”

“Yeah, that can count, if you want to be a grub about it.”  Karkat replies, snorting.

“I do want to be a grub about it.”  You say.  “That’s what I am, a big ol’ baby bug.  Are you happy now?”

“As long as you can live with yourself being a big grub, then yeah, I am.”  He shrugs, flopping off of you and onto the sand.

You start making a sand angel.  “What do you guys want to do next?”

“I don’t know.”  Karkat says, throwing his hands over his head.  “We skipped rocks, we did the whole long walk along the beach thing, what else is there?”

“We could try building a sand castle, maybe splash around in the waves a little.  Lunch would eventually be a good idea, too.  Mayor, what do you want to do?”

The Mayor’s still sprawled halfway on you.  He taps his fingers on your stomach while he thinks about his options.  He settles on building a sand castle.  That should be fun.

You didn’t bring anything to try and build a sand castle, so you all try your best to pile sand into something resembling a structure with just your hands.  It doesn’t go very well and you just end up with a sand dome that keeps crumbling every time you try to add more to it.

You pack on too much at once, and your sand tower falls over from too much weight and half covers the Mayor with sand.  

“Well, shit.”  Karkat sighs, dropping the handfuls of sand he’d carried over onto the ground.  “There goes all our hard work for nothing.”

“Hold up, there’s another thing we could do.”  You say.  “We could bury the Mayor.  You know, if he’s okay with that.”

“But we like him, why the fuck would we do that?”

“Because it’s a weird fun human thing that weird fun humans do.”  You explain.  “And we’re not actually going to bury him, his head will still be uncovered still.  Mayor, you cool with getting buried?  You’re already half covered.”

He nods.  You and Karkat start covering him with the sand from your failed castle until you can’t see anything except his head anymore.  

“Okay,”  Karkat pats another clump of wet sand over the Mayor’s feet, “this was fun, what do we do now?”

You shrug.  “I don’t know.  Dig him out?”

“But we just finished burying him.”  

You lay back down in the sand.  “Bury me?”

“No, fuck that.”  Karkat stands up.  “There’s too much of you to bury, it’ll take forever and I don’t want to.  I have better things to do.”

“Do you?”  You sit up.  “Like what?”

“This.”  He marches straight over to the water and jumps in ankle deep before running right back out again.  “Fuck, never mind, that was terrible and I regret so much.”

He shoves his feet right back into the sand.  “What else should we do?”

You give it a long thought.  “We could break for lunch?  I got picnic stuff in my sylladex.”

Karkat and the Mayor exchange yet another one of those looks.  The Mayor thinks lunch sounds like a good idea.

“Yeah.”  Karkat agrees.  “I could eat.”

The Mayor gets himself unburied, and the three of you head back up to the grass.  You lay a blanket down and all your lunch stuff, and you all sit down and watch the water while you eat.  

After you finish with lunch, you go right back to the water’s edge.  You chase each other and splash around and play in the sand for hours, right up until it gets colder and the sun starts to set.   The three of you head back up to the Mayor’s house and drop him off.  You’re both sad to leave him, but he still has things he has to do tomorrow, and technically so do you.  You’re already all making plans for next time, when you want to get a full tour of Can Town.  The Mayor is more than happy with this arrangement and is already thinking up which destinations to go to first when you leave him.

“Okay,”  you wrap an arm around Karkat, “are you ready to go?”

“Can’t we just walk for a little bit?”  Karkat grumbles, dragging his feet.  “It’s such a nice night, and I don’t want to go home yet.”

“Please, you just don’t want to fly.”

“That, too.”  He agrees, shrugging.  “I’m not ashamed to admit it, I’d rather go on a long walk with you than a short trip being carried like a bunch of god damned luggage.”

“You’re not luggage.”  You ruffle his hair.  “But we can walk around for a little bit longer if you want.”

“Yeah,”  he nods, nuzzling into your chest a bit.  Karkat’s still sweaty and hot from all the running around you both did.  You feel sticky, but it’s alright.  “that’d be good.”

Karkat made a good point, it’s nice out tonight, and it’s even nicer having him here with you.  You walk around together with Karkat’s head on your shoulder while the moon rises and the stars blink to life above you to light your path back home.

[powerfultulips]

wlw/mlm asks! all.

1. describe your crush / partner.

sweet, kind, handsome, romantic, precious, adorable, cute, soft, lovely, amazing, perfect, wonderful, caring, huggable, kissable, cuddly, gorgeous, breathtaking

2. describe your perfect date.

we’ve had some pretty perfect dates tbh,, the art museum, good morning concert, and our first date are my favourites so far! i think my perfect date would be a full day out with them, without ever having to drive or worry about money. like that time my mom took us to the museum and paid for everything. except then my mom was there.

3. describe your dream house.

modest, but comfortable. i’d have enough guest rooms to accommodate several friends if they ever needed a place to sleep, or just wanted to hang out for a few days. maybe a balcony looking out over the city, but that’s kinda more of an apartment thing, and i’m not even sure i would want a second story. a basement would be cool though, i dig basements.

4. describe your dream life.

my lover and i grow old together, living comfortably off our passions and interests. i’ve written a few best-selling novels, or i’m a successful therapist, or i’m pitching in the big leagues. or maybe all three. we volunteer at a local queer/trans youth group in our free time, and we go on a special date on the 23rd of every month.

5. describe your ideal partner.

see question #1, but they’re also in my arms instead of being SO FAR AWAY

6. morning cuddles or night cuddles?

b,,,,both 🥺

7. big spoon or little spoon?

both are good, but i do really love being the big spoon!

8. hugs or kisses?

i think i prefer hugs, actually. i really like both though, but hugs make me feel so safe and comfortable.

9. walks on the beach or walks in the forest?

i guess i’m okay with either, i really like walking with my love, but we usually walk around a park, or just around the city

10. sitting on your partner’s lap or them on yours?

i don’t know that i have a preference, i like both!

11. favourite lgbt movie?

love, simon is the only one i’ve seen. so that one

12. favourite lgbt book?

not a book per sé, but i really like avi cantor has six months to live by sacha lamb.

13. favourite lgbt character?

i don’t know that i have any other than OCs and headcanons, and i don’t even really have many of the latter. so i guess just,,, my OC jack probably? he’s really neat and i like him

14. favourite lgbt ship?

like,,,, davekat or rosemary i guess?

15. favourite lgbt song?

“gender nightmare” by art project

16. what’s your favourite thing about your partner / crush?

how could i pick just one? his body, his smile, his voice, everything about him is so perfect to me. but the thing that really stands out is the way he treats me, how good he is to me even when i feel like i don’t deserve a single good thing.

17. what’s the best thing to do with your partner / crush?

honestly, just cuddling with them is my favourite.

18. how did you meet your partner / crush?

we met at a queer youth group! we first bonded over glass animals, they were playing music for the group and i recognised it and started talking to them!

19. what first attracted you to your partner / crush?

they had really cool hair and i admired their confidence

20. what’s something that reminds you of your partner / crush?

a lot of things. i have a big playlist for them, a few of their stuffies, some of their clothes in my room, and even just hearing their name can remind me of them. we do talk a lot though, so it’s not like they ever really get a chance to slip my mind

21. what’s your lgbt identity?

i’m queer and transfeminine!

22. when did you realise you’re lgbt?

i started questioning almost four years ago, i’m not fully sure when i realised i was actually lgbtq+, but i think it took a few months. even longer to realise like, my true identity, if that’s what you would call the current state of me.

23. do you fit any stereotypes for your sexuality?

i have like 7 nasa shirts i feel like that fits a stereotype

24. have you ever been to pride?

yeah, two or three times. first time i got big anxiety and left, second time i had work and had to just pop by for a few minutes to say hi to some friends before catching the bus, and third time almost got rained out, but it was a fucking amazing experience with some of my best friends in the world

25. how did you / do you plan to come out?

well i’ve come out several times to several different groups of people, and i think i did it a little differently each time. i wish i never had to come out again, to be honest, but i’m really glad to be out and proud.

26. do you remember the name of your first crush?

my first big crush was named maddy

27. how did your first kiss go?

it was an accident

28. what did you do on your first date?

my first date with @literally-an-envelope, we went to panera, then walked to a local show, got tacos after, and went to fuck around a walmart at 3am. and then i brought him home without asking my parents (:

29. who was the first person you came out to

probably a stranger on the internet, i hid behind a “fake” name so nobody would recognise me and made a secret instagram account to be gay on

30. pick a question of your choice + answer it.

like, again? i already answered them all. i’m making up my own question. (nevermind this is too hard.)