#i kinda want to do reviews too.....but im so bad at wording

[yayimallamaagain]

[todayisafridaynight]

Since you mentioned it, what did you think of Speak No Evil? I was thinking of watching it myself :0

i really liked it ............ my friend scoffed at me when i told her i was watchin it so take my opinion with a grain of salt tho </3

[angelsheartts]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could request the “hope nobody will catch us!” prompt for Angel dust x gn! reader too? Thank you love!!❤️❤️

✩‧₊˚ I HOPE NOBODY CATCH US !! .

(but i kinda hope they catch us, anyways)

#pairing: angel dust, husk, velvette, lute x gn reader

#cw: suggestive content, +18 mdni, cuss words Imao, getting caught in suggestive situations ig?? adam being adam on lutes part, drunk sex?, kind of only fans on velvettes part ngl.

#notes: just got back from vacation, and i do feel kind of inspirational to write on my blog lmao, so here it is! second part of "i hope nobody catch us". did anyone noticed it’s the lyrics from les - childish gambino?

PART l

˖ ˚ ༘✶ ANGEL DUST .

well, it’s kind of ironic how angel dust would actually care if someone would see you both fucking, but it’s just because he actually wants to have something intimate with you, not just some porn video where you both need to act.

today, valentino had given your partner finally a day off, so you both decided it would be the best to spend it together.

as you both were cuddling in his bed, you somehow started teasing him by confessing how you watched one of his adult videos, and how much it had turned you, so it wasn’t a big surprise how you ended having him on top of you.

"that’s kinky for you to say, but keep going" angel dust said, smirking at you while already having your underwear aside "well, at first i saw how you went down on them, and-" suddenly fat nuggets was on the bed looking at you both.

yeah, so after seeing your kid staring at you both, it really made the atmosphere so not hot.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ HUSK .

i mean, husk, and you do have a pretty regular intimate life cause this man is sooo touch starved, but there’s something different about being drunk and intimate to him.

you knew you both had maybe a few more drinks than usually, but that wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

wrong, as soon as you started to feel the alcohol doing its thing, you soon started to feel horny too.

but, who could judge you? seeing your bartender boyfriend also with the same flushed face as you was so hot, you somehow ended on top of the counter, while having your boyfriend kiss your neck.

"Oh, for fucks sake, and everyone says im the perverted one?"

yeah, hearing angel dust words made you both stop, but it didn’t make you stopped once you reached your bedroom.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ VELVETTE .

your girlfriend being a famous influencer in hell wasn’t something new to you, but as soon as you both started dating, you didn’t expect her to literally get sent sex toys for you both to try out and recommend or give your review about it.

your girlfriend was doing a live on her sinstagram, when you unexpectedly entered the room in the lingerie she just bought you just a few days ago.

of course, she had to end her livestream by saying a lame excuse to pamper your needs, and what the best way to do that with testing the vibrator who got sent to her for a review.

"velvette, ah- it‘s too much, i‘m going to cum" while sitting on her lap and putting your arms around her neck, you both suddenly heard velvettes phone vibrating like crazy, turns out she never ended her livestream and all hell just saw how needy you were for her.

after really ending the live, let’s just say that the vibrator you used got most-sold-sex-toy of the month.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ LUTE .

your girlfriend is somehow always occupied with something that isn’t you, so you might of have your ways to have her attention.

even though your girlfriend is an exterminator, you both sometimes ended up working together.

so, if dragging her near a closet to have her all for yourself was bad, then what you wanted to do in there with her would be worse.

"(name), it’s not appropriate, and adam is gonna be here anytime soon" lute said, staring at your face with her mask "yeah, yeah you say that every time, but you know how it always ends"

and yes, it was true, your girlfriend knew your true intentions when you dragged her into the closet, but still, she had a kinky side where she liked doing things you weren’t supposed to.

not to mention how hot you looked when you tried to be the dominant one.

"fuck, you're already so wet, huh? is it because you like getting me in trouble or because you want me to punish you?" she said, rubbing her fingers near your clit faster each time, "ah, lute-! keep going" "you’re a fucking mess, answer my questi-"

"DANGERTITS? bullshit, why the fuck didn’t i come sooner? legit thought you didn’t have sex, but you know what? this can get pretty awesome if i joi-“

adam did in fact not join you both, but he did make lute clear that "you both needed the original dick to even come" - adams words.

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

GOD chapter 59 was SO GOOD n i have a lot to say so sending an ask instead of leaving it on the post.

i /love/ when you make things hyper detailed, because your shading techniques are so much fun to sit n stare at and soak in for a while. that being said, the coloring of the wine spilling is what does it for me this time. it still would have been really cool in bw, but not as cool as seeing all the shades of red over the dark blue bg. you did the glass really well too!! I don't think there's a noticeable difference between the wine color inside and outside the glass which is fine bc it's clear, so it RLY makes me appreciate the lighting you have around the glass rim to show the edge in contrast. that tiny little detail makes the image for me. stellar work. i love it

also i do wanna throw in appreciation for the handwritten serif. super well done at first glance it did look like you'd jus typed it out. idk what texture you have on the brush you use for words but it's rly nice to look at up close.

i think the color kinda tipped me off but i waffled bc i couldn't remember if either of his parents spoke in serif font and was a bit daunted to dig thru 50+ chapters to confirm who it was if it didn't turn out to be them. i'm glad i looked at your tags tho haha saved me the trouble. what a way to end the act too!! i read this one on my phone and was scrolling thru the images at full size and after four or so i kept expecting it to cut off. it was a very pleasant surprise to have it keep going, worth the wait to have a longer chapter :)

maybe it jus wasn't meant to be a la sabo getting the letter from sally. it might have to be stelly after all tho there are things that come before then. what a bad time to have one or both of his parents speak to him for the first time that night. oof can't wait for the next act lets goooo

Oh wowww what a beautifully long review!

Thanks so much im glad you like how it turned out, i’m really happy with it, too! Ive never drawn fluids like this before, but i really needed this page to have that extra kick because it was such a short one.

Because i couldnt figure out how to make this moment look slow mo with multiple different panels on one page, I really wanted to make a piece that is like,, frozen in time instead.

A page like this, you can keep on it as long as you’d like. You can make it as slow mo as you want it to be.

The serif lettering is that of outlook’s!

I dont know if you can see the difference between this and my usual handwriting, but it’s supposed to look taller. Higher up. Neater. Cleaner. (Still my handwriting though so like so actually neat or clean, but you know like,,, in comparison to the norm.)

His dad only talks in one scene, and his mother has never said anything yet, so i dont blame you if you couldnt find it. In my. Large repertoire of chapters ive accumulated.

I definitely felt the same about the pages when drawing them. But probably the opposite feeling lol. Mine was more like “ugh i forgot theres so many. How many more of these do I have to get through??? How did i do this the first act ending with 11 pages???”

Im so glad you guys are on the edge of your seats with the letter :)

Thanks for the ask!

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

So i ve done the main story in infinity nikki and im gonna stop playin now, before i squeeze the game dry of content and have nothing (new) to do on release.

Time for a lil review/thoughts post

I m not gonna review every single mechanic in the game, simply things that stood out to me or that i wanna talk about. I also wont add more images, i kinda want ppl to see the world for themselves... i ll share more when the game comes out tho.

There s a lot of text under this. Tldr, i like the game i think it's a solid, enjoyable experience with a good gameplay loop, the story isn't for me, and i'll keep playin of course. And u should try it too if ur device wont blow itself up tryin to run it.

Dress up

The bread and butter of Nikki games... it's good as usual. Game doesn't shy away from long skirts or coat tails or complicated ballgowns just cuz nikki can run and jump and dash now and i'm very happy bout that. There's some clipping issues once in a while, but it's nothing major and the clothes we do have in the game are lovely. There s an evolution system for some of the sets, which makes em a diff color.... usually they can evolve once, but i saw Three extra evolutions for one of the UR sets and that scares me. Bcs to evolve them u have to craft the suit again. So u have to pull 4 copies of a suit to max it out..

Combat

Game's definitely succeeding in its quest for being cozy. There's no real stakes, combat isn't difficult in the slightest but i do welcome it- super simple but it's pretty fun regardless. The boss fights were surprisingly creative and fun for what they are, it's just unfortunate that you have to do them more than once or twice (crafting mats)- but they do change what the boss does so it's different depending on what mat u are farming for... and u can claim double or triple or however much stamina u got-le of the mat after u complete it once. So that s rly nice.

Exploration

I actually think it's really really good. Again this isn't a difficult or complicated game, not yet i guess... but with the major goal being "get new clothes" and "take pretty pictures maybe", the open world feels actively engaging to participate in. There's collectibles everywhere, little challenges you can do that are diverse but quick, styling battles, collecting everythin from animals fur to bugs to fish, and allll of this brings u closer to that never ending goal of woo more clothes.

However even if a challenge doesnt give you a blueprint, it's still just. Really Nice to exist in this world. It's very whimsical, as expected of Lilith, and the world has a combination of realism and cartoon artstyle that is just soso appealing to me. It's genuinely how i would've imagined miraland to look in 3d. Shame it's not the same miraland we know..

Story

Hmm... silly is one word i could use for it. Cute also. The story isn't doin anythin bad per se, and i did start skippin dialogue near the end w the pieceys because i want to keep at least Some part of the story for the game's release... but i get the gist of it, and it s just not my thing.

It feels like a story made for children, and it definitely would get a G rating. Easy and simple to follow, there's moments of tension or sadness sure but with the antagonist bein a literal babie lookin cutey fairy with a grown man's voice, or the creatures that i'm interacting with are a bunch of. Fuckin weird lookin big eyed balls of fabric that look closer to plushies than somethin Alive... it's all so silly and dramatic sometimes i can t help but cringe.

Part of it is a me problem, if u just open ur heart and free urself from the cringe the story is fine. It's just a little too kiddy for me and i so desperately hope it won't stay like this forever. My prayers might be answered though, there's a whole war beyond the borders and we have refugees around... shit's lookin bad for Umbrosa.

Other things i noticed that i liked:

The effect on nikki's skin when it's raining, she actually has water dripping down her face... its so cool

Momo capes are actually kinda neat ngl. Especially cuz the fucker follows u around everywhere, at least i can bedazzle him

Npc models look really good im a fan. They do suffer from "everyone is very beautiful" syndrome, which makes some of the npc villains look/sound ridiculous, but they have kid-teen-adult-elderly versions of models (i never see teen models in these games! Its cool!) And some body variation. The grandmas look so lovely i cry

The dark skin tone is really dark, and it looks quite nice and natural.

The lighting engine in this game is just rly good in general. God bless UE5

The edges of the map where there s forest, which u obv cant go thru, the forest is made to be darker, thicker.... i m a huge fan of this idk y. It's not just *invisible wall in front of an open field* nopee cant go there lets explore that area later tee hee. And it looks good to boot.

Camera function is p robust, has more options for changin brightness/saturation/contrast etc which i feel Shining Nikki lacks.

Some of the creature designs are so good man i looove themm <3.... the pieces are awful tho. Ok creature design is a hit and miss sometimes but the stray hatty? Peak. All the weirdy fashionable animals? Peak.

Bein able to quick switch thru ur saved sets while in the overworld is real neat

Oke that was it. Bye

[quietbluejay]

Vulkan Lives 1

let's light this review on fire er Salamanders, bring your big green eggs

...you know? the barbecue company?

Flashback to Isstvan V

yeah

you know what, they are pretty alike also WHY did the temperature in my room plunge as soon as i started this novel

rare W for Konrad okay so now we're getting somewhere and now we have 3 times in which a primarch grabbed another primarch's face though at least Konrad didn't make it weird. Yes you heard it here first: Konrad is the most wholesome face-grabber.

also alas i see Kyme is a believer in the sexy evil lamp horus

ah Vulkan is hallucinating

because the next person he sees is Guilliman, who stabs him with his sword

yeah it's curze as we knew because we've read the book summary i dunno if vulkan's hallucinating or something warpy is going on though

another thing that kinda makes it feel warpy is that Vulkan never irl saw Horus in his evil sexy lamp armour but he was like that here okay let's go see someone else

crimson armour blood angels was my first thought but

it's erebus! they're word bearers so like does erebus use healing magic to fix his face every time it gets bashed in? and then does he have to redo the tattoos? it's a serious question I have! Erebus speaks haltingly about "the weapons"

so elias is going to go looking for them okay that was a bit weird

so that was the prologue well i've read worse prologues i guess okay chapter 1 opens on the world of Traoris which is a "blessed" world

but it's not blessed for everyone

also those 40k vibes, man, Kyme why do you keep doing this (it was there in Promethean Sun too)

you know i thought i read the sample for this book but i remember absolutely zero of what's happened

so apparently, the shadows are eating people with guns oh that sounds like night lords or i guess raven guard but it's not raven guard imagine that twist tho so the city is filled with paranoia she manages to run into Cardinal Square while thinking of her dad who is dying of cancer and then she saw him who i am guessing was a statue it's the golden king so her dad told her about the coming of the imperium

blech

this is the excerpt I posted and I got people going "bluejay you NEED to find a new fandom with actually good writers"

yeah it's word bearers getting sacrifices honestly i don't even know the point of this also this entire section could be taking place in 40k and you wouldn't know the difference

they're hard men doing hard things we've switched to these guys who are doing digging…somewhere they're looking for weapons

oh, it's Numeon he's a Salamander so they're observing the city one salamander: maybe it's so quiet because they're going to surrender

it's not as bad as Fulgrim…it's not as bad yet… i keep telling myself this

har har har you know what for all Swallow's faults, he could actually write banter

hey let's see "normal" vulkan

vulkan: only speaking to a remembrancer in environments that are highly dangerous for a regular human im rolling my eyes at "blacksmiter" meanwhile an augmented human is currently branding him

Seriph thinks it's a humble origin for a primarch she's been in here for 21 minutes now which is a record for the remembrancers

…did the Emperor not tell Vulkan that he made the primarchs to be his generals? anyways Vulkan says that he would have been a farmer, otherwise not a blacksmith? weird his voice also gets described as "diabolic"

honestly it just seems to me like Vulkan is enjoying making remembrancers suffer one of the Pyre Guard comes in and is like "another one?" Vulkan: this one did better than the others, she can talk to me again so Vulkan is heavily covered in brands which I guess primarch skin doesn't heal over? Fulgrim must be so jelly because he wanted tattoos but they'd keep healing

Vulkan orders a new plan one that has less cost to civilian life the Pyre Guard talks about how they're going to do things and my goodness you know you never know what you've got til it's gone I miss Rath's dialogue i even miss Swallow (not sharing it this time)

HA WEEB

Vulkan asks how the remembrancer is doing "she lives" "good" Vulkan how many remembrancers have you killed so far??

lol lmao he gets news from the front, they breached the wall with zero resistance weird over to Numetor Nemetor who is a different guy than Numeon

the city stinks of death

also he spies Nostraman graffiti written in blood on a scholam and again, why are we using 40k terms so Vulkan set his soldiers to burning the city to ash

yeah, Curze is here oy

Curze: lmao what are you going to do

pensive emoji

bats are signs of death now also didn't you know erebus is a bat vulkan: are you trying to goad me curze: lol. lmao.

Curze: all the other cities will surrender to us now. that's my present Vulkan: you killed innocent people! Curze: lmao no one's innocent

to be continued!

[syrupspinner]

steam next fest 3 the finale maybe

i have recently become much less confident that nextfest is all one word, also

yeah, its missing some pizzaz, like music and sfx work, but the devs are pretty open about it being early so ill look past it. the gimmick itsself is fun! its simple and straightforward in a good way, and i like how it iterates on runs. the good items taking up more physical space and getting burried in your deck is a really good expression of balance. good little roguelike! wishlisted and played for way longer than i thought i would

straight up couldnt get this one to work. no buttons or keys do shit. i unplugged my controller, relaunched it, a bunch of stuff, still stuck on the first screen. shame, i was really looking forward to giving it a shot

this is a good demo! it does a good job at presenting the game and letting you know what its all about. i got the basics really solidly, and i see how the additional environments would iterate on the core gameplay loop. i dont think this ones for me, it seems a bit too sandboxy and score-based for me, but i recognize that this is a well made game and i think itll be really enjoyable for its target audience. check it out if you like simulator/management things, or if you want to try the genre out!

okay, just finished the tutorial, and im kinda split. first, the action feels great and the movement it stellar but yeesh this controller binding is messing me up. it only feels comfortable for me to keep one finder on the front of the controller, and i switch between the bumpers and the triggers with just my index. literally the only games that arent comparable with this approach, by expecting you to use bumpers AND triggers simultaneously, is this and hotline miami 2. the worst part is, i only figured out how weird this feels by the second-to-last tutorial, so i gotta redo all of it with kbm. after that, the game felt a lot more reasonable to get my fingers around (i probably wouldve switched spacebar and shift if i played longer), and i can confirm that the controller layout is my only obstacle to this kick-ass game. i will say that i wasnt expecting it to be a survival game? i thought itd be kind of a roguelike progression-through-a-dungeon thing, but its more about staying in a small space and defending. i already had this one wishlisted, and im glad i know what to expect now, this seems like itll be an interesting "kill 20 minutes before bed" game (in a good way! i love those)

right away, this feels like its to scotland what kisima innitchuna is to alaskan first nations. only its all stop motion and the entire ost sounds like a simon & garfunkle open house. maybe this comparison is stupid, the point is that this is awesome and you need to play it now. it may look like you get what the games about when you look at it, but it feels different to control. i dunno how to explain it, the artstyle makes the controls feel... different in a neutral way? please just try it, words fail me. this may very well be a once-in-a-lifetime game

game froze midway through the opening. man, bad luck today. it gotr working in the end, and MAN does this make me feel like a game reviewer. the game isnt hard per se, i can beat all the levels pretty easily, but the game asks you to be pretty damn talented if you want those a ranks. replay the level, route the best way to kill everyone as efficiently as possible. by the end youre gonna feel like harding. i feel like the full games gonna be a bit to tough for my blood, but im gonna have a stellar time watching the action from the sidelines. catch this at GDQ 2026

yeah i uh. went back to play more. damn this is more fun than i thought itd be, this is a good ass roguelike

before you read on, let it be known that this is objectively one of the best made and well put-together games ive tried this entire festival and all of my gripes with it are from personal preference. trying this game has led me to understand what people enjoy about punch-out (its clear inspiration) better than any 15 minute video essay could: its a puzzle game that relies on twitch reflexes and trial-and-error. its your job as a player to be attentive to the bosses's minute difference of animation to tell you exactly how to dodge and exactly when to strike. thats a great game! i feel genuinely remiss that i dont like trial and error and split-second weaknesses, or else i wouldve enjoyed this game way more. if youre on the fence about it, please give it an honesty try, this game knows exactly what to be and how to be it. the animation is great, both from the perspective of telegraphing attacks and just looking fantastic, the games vibe and personality is choice, and the gameplay itself is tight as hell. please just give it a shot

i guess thats the beauty of a demo, huh? it lets you figure out if youre gonna like a game before you commit to it. i hope if you take anything away from this 3-part... idk what youd call it, i kinda just gave my opinion about shit. look, im trying to tell you to try these games out yourself, hopefully this helped you figure out what is and isnt worth trying according to your own personal taste. and if youre not sure, give it a try anyway. demos are free, yknow

[lovebvni]

Hey! I just saw the intuitive readings post and I wanted to join!

Just like Samantha, I am manifesting different things, so I thought the reading could be about that. I've been also working on perfectioning my self-concept so I can shift on command, I already shifted but I'm still not on those levels yet ahahah.

Since everyone is putting their sign, I'm a leo.

HII PINKERINO!!!!!! OMG ITS SOO COOL HIW U HABE SHIFTED!! i started reading ur blog and im being rlly nosy 🥰

everyone follow pinkerino bc he is sooooooo cool!!! i’m genuinely so inspired by you!!! i want to be like u one day, and i really look up to you!!! i’m fairly sure i actually saw your blog in a dream before… it feels so familiar! i’m pretty sure in that dream seeing ur blog was my final push…

ANYWAYS ENOUGH ABT NE IN SO DISTRACTED HEKP!! IM GETTING DISTRACTED AND EXCITED!

“there’s no such thing as perfect.” was the first thing i heard. and there isn’t a “perfect” in any world. once you find yourself, and you can appreciate are agree in it always, that means you’ve found yourself and you can do absolutely anything.

so how do you find yourself? through deep meditation. that’s the first thing i’m hearing. also deep research on astral projection? i don’t know if you’ve done that before, but spirit is very strong about it.

research how to disconnect from your physical body, deep calming techniques. “to get what you want, you gotta use what you got.”

is there something from your past that you used to shift? maybe it can be something similar on command. maybe being really tired, or a yoga pose??

for manifestation, i would suggest going in your waiting room and just deciding that it’s a place where u get whatever u want. or even going to a dr in which u have magic and meditate there!

maybe write in a magic book too??

interesting song!!

“Arise now, sweat, raindrops down my silky flesh But doing up my consciousness Good, good, good now Ability to sleep sound Throughout the star times An illusion, if you just remove it”

“If they were apart and you had no power start or no database Only a shell remains What fun is it, to be so calculated Or be taken advantage of, 'cause your heart's too trusting Silent expressed push my head into my chest Bind them up, forever wed "Don't drift too far, " they said

Help me when I'm too detached and cold Give me the vitality that I need to trust love more Blood to the water, neither can fuel us alone Fervency in my arteries, passion bloomin' through my bones”

asked for a second song for some sort of clarification of this one.

this… doesn’t help? LMFAO

well maybe the words of affirmation? “i’m a bad bitch, im a cunt, and i’ll kick that hoe — punt” is kinda taking down your doubts and all logical reasoning.

so maybe affirm/manifest in a way that is more saying “i already have it, i already am” because… you are?? and u do have it?? LMAO!!”

that’s all i got for u pink! i hope it was accurate!!

leave a review! and i’ll b stalking u for now on 💔😭

[actualbird]

Hi Zak!! This is a pretty random ask but i was just wondering if you have any tips for starting a fanfic/story? I just keep getting stuck on how to start one (I really love your work/blog 🙏 feeds my tot brain rot fr!!)

hi anon, im glad you like the stuff i make ;w; !!! and ohhh, sure i got tons of tips for that!.....so many that i actually wish i cld get u back here to ask what specifically about starting a story u'd want tips on but for now, i'll go for a general overview :D!!

cuz....to me (i.e. based on my writing process, which i'll be drawing heavily from for these tips), the act of Starting comes in three distinct steps, one after the other:

Idea Generation (what is the story gonna be about and how do i get ideas for that?)

Concept Organization/Outlining (how is the story going to be about this idea and how will i be executing it?)

Creation (GAH, HOW PUT WORDS ON PAGE!?!?!?)

so i'll give general tips for all three!!!

-

Idea Generation Tips

(this is the step that i personally have the least trouble with because my brain makes 5 new ideas every day. it's kinda a curse now because it leads to me having too many wips and concepts and only 1% of them gets to the Creation period jhvjhVJKSHFVHJS BUT ANYHOO, TIPS-)

Check Out Prompt Lists (super fun and easy way to get an idea! theres tons of story and fic prompts out there that you can search up here on tumblr, some of them being lists of lines of dialog or lists of AUs or scenarios. even if you dont follow a prompt exactly, they can be great at kickstarting ur brain into thinking of something related that you Do wanna pursue)

Open/Ask For Prompt Requests (if ur brain doesnt have any ideas, u can ask around and see if anyone ELSE has ideas theyre alright with you writing! my tot fics "reviews for Time's Antiquities, South Stellis | Average Rating: 4.8 Stars" and "but little do we know, the stars welcome him with open arms" were both inspired by anon asks i got!! to those anons who sent those asks, i owe u my life....but yea, maybe other people can give ideas to you! or, again, give Something that can inspire another thing in ur brain to take shape)

Just Ramble With A Friend (SO MANY OF MY FIC IDEAS started because i was just goofing off and playing idea volleyball with fandom buddies in our DMs (shoutout to sam samsspambox, z lukevonhagen, and beck beckthebeetle for being the main culprits of this). like, what started out as a joke conversation eventually makes go "oh no wait i actually wanna see that as a fic" and then boom, Idea Has Been Acquired. but fr, talking with another person makes your brain create things u never thought about before. it's both tons of fun to chat with a buddy as a sounding board, and it yields awesome concepts for stories!)

For Fanfic Specifically, Think About What You Want To See In Canon But Hasn't Happened And You Want It So Bad It's Driving You NUTS (this can be anything from missing scenes you wish were expanded on, scenes you wish went a different way, character relationships you wish you could see more of in canon, go nuts! the fun thing with fanfic is that it's a fertile playground for all the what-ifs, and a lot of my fics' ideas were simply found because i thought "man i know tears of themis is never gonna show me deep found fam moments/artem ptsd consequences after main story 6.2/mariluke, so imma make it myself" JHVSJDHF. ideas are hard to make sometimes, but brains are so good at desiring things. and all those desires? those can also be Ideas for a fic!)

-

Concept Organization/Outlining

(very much skippable if your writing style/personality is more receptive to free-wheeling!! im just the type of writer who always needs an outline to begin something. it helps me structure a raw idea with no shape into something clearer that i can envision a story for)

Outline A Rough Chain Of Events Chronologically (this can be as simple as three bullet points, what happens at the Start of the story, the Middle, and the End. or maybe you can go list down the portions of your fic according to the Freytag's Pyramid Plot Structure: Exposition, Inciting Incident, Rising Action, etc etc.)

Outline A Rough List Of Stuff You Just Want To Happen In The Fic (if your brain is like mine and isnt too great at chronological thinking, make a list of just all the plot points and events or even dialog exchanges u Want to see in the fic. you can organize it in the order u want later once uve put everything down)

Outline The Themes (moving away from plot, many stories are more focused on feelings or characterization or themes. so make a list of the Concepts you want to tackle. this is something i do for my fics that are more introspective, so i outline shit like "EVENT THAT MAKES LUKE INTERNALIZE SELF-LOATHING followed by EVENT THAT MAKES LUKE'S VIEW BE NOTICED BY ANOTHER CHARACTER")

-

Creation

(the worst part of writing....is the writing JAVFJVSDKHFDJHJ but nah fr this is the part i have the hardest time with, so here are tips that help me kickstart the word engine)

You Dont Have To Start Writing The Fic From The Beginning Of Its Story, Start Writing Wherever (confession: a good 75% of my fics are ones where the first scene i actually wrote down was not the start. instead, i just wrote the scene i was most excited to write. and usually thats somewhere in the middle! i do this cuz it makes my brain happy, and a happy brain is much easier to pull words from than a sad brain. plus, when i see the scene I Like Best already written, it gives me motivation to do the rest of the fic because oh my god i want everybody to sEE THIS ONE DANG SCENE!!! start writing the fic at whatever point you want, in whatever order comes most naturally to you, is my point. you can fill the rest in later, but hey, starting to write where you Want has gotten you Started. now you just gotta finish, and finishing when you already have something down is much easier than starting from 0)

Set Tiny Wordcount Goals. And When I Say Tiny, I MEAN TINY!!! (writing is intimidating but if you set a goal of say, 100 words written for a wip per day, at the end of one week, you'll have 700 words. at the end of two, you'll have 1400 words. at the end of a month, 3000. small goals help since it makes you do Something, and that Something will inevitably compound, no matter what goal uve set. and let urself be proud of the goals uve achieved!!! writer brain gets happy when you tell it it's done a good job at reaching a wordcount goal, and like i said earlier, happy brain is much easier to work with than sad brain)

Give Yourself All The Time You Need (i know this sounds counterproductive but sometimes....the best thing you can do for the part of your brain that wants to start creating....is waiting til it's ready. dont pressure yourself, cuz brain will get sad. dont be too hard on yourself, cuz brain will get sad. start when you want to start in the way that works best with your brain and see where things go, but be patient with yourself. sometims Starting is actually the longest part of writing a story and thats fine. it will happen. trust)

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thats all the tips ive got! and of course, what will work for me wont always work for other people, so please feel free to take what you think applies to you and discard what doesnt resonate.

i hope some part of this can help! happy writing :D

[slowdripsunrise]

book review for into the drowning deep by mira grant!!! spoilers under the cut! just found out the author has a tumblr well if u find this pretty please dont look theres nothing bad in here its just not for you! reviews are for readers and you can get constructive criticism from a paid editor and not random readers doing this for free :)

ok i. literally just finished this and am writing it as i am staring at the finished checkmark on my computer lol wanted to get this out so i didnt forget. anyways ok so i super liked this book. love feels like a strong word bc i think im on too much adhd meds to really feel it like that but yeah i really really liked it.

OBViously the best part about this book were the mermaids. i came into it wanting mermaids and creepy shit in the ocean and science and thats what i got. they were creepy wnd fucked up and vicious and murderous amd beautiful and i loved them so much. especially that we got their pov! and how sometimes from their pov we would get little hints of answers about them before the scientists did. i liked that. loved the ocean imagery especially from dr toth was it heavy handed? maybe. idc i love the ocean.

this was also again. creepy as fuck not downright terrifying which surprised me bc im a huge wimp. but i was on the edge of my seat and anxious and nervous for a lot of the characters... which leads me to my next point i guess i dont really feel like i connected per say with all of the characters as much as others. like i feel connected for sure to olivia, especially when its her pov, the probable undiagnosed autism diagnosis goes crazy. and i really liked the wilsons, luis was nice, i liked dr toth. everyone else i didnt really care. which is fine i read this for cool mermaids !!

another thing i would kill for more of was the linguistics with hallie and lennox and the mermaid like i fucking LOVE that shit, and also what happened to said mermaid other than just a small bit at the end about it being bought by some rich guy. also would like to see more of the matriarch mermaid. i love the absolute ancient and archaic nature of creatures that are just fuckin so big, especially when it relates to the ocean. and also maybe i missed where her size was actually describe and im generally really bad at conceptualizing how big things are when just given like. measurements but i was picturing this thing as more colossal than anything else, which would tie into luis' research, right?? pretty sure that was his whole schtick and i wanted more of that... i do appreciate the mystery however. this book left me with questions, and not in a like this was filled with plot holes kinda way but more of a i need to know more this is probably how all those scientists felt kinda way. i like that i think. absolutely love how in these reviews im just spitballing ideas and seeing what sticks who knows tomorrow i probs wont agree with half the shit im saying but who cares. im working out my thought irl and this is what happens. on another note we had anchovies out for dinner and im not normally squeamish about them but. looking at them when reading this book did make me feel a bit weird so theres that. 4/5 stars had fun would recommend

[neowinestainedress]

helloooo rebs i am once again with a review and this time is about hits different so let’s fucking goooo!!!!

But when you finally are done, he doesn’t shut up, he’s not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief. 

OKAYYY SO THIS ISNT A ONE TIME THING

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse. 

well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits?

i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.

SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense. 

omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.” 

that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.” 

kinda wish i was her…

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault. 

GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm. 

girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him. 

GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD

STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face. 

if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

No, you haven’t, and soon you also find out why you’ve never done it.

so true do NOT recommend

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants. 

doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.” 

she’s so me

he’s too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he can’t keep getting away with it.

i’ve been saying….

“Wanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,” you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you can’t be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because you’re taking his breath away. He can’t even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal. 

me too girl, me too.

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits? 

well unfortunately i have some news for her…

You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met would’ve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a ‘what would you if I was in the shower with you’ text? Probably it is. 

lmaooo so true

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply

not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser.

PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that… he is not an asshole. 

WE CHEERED (the bar is in hell)

“Keep your eyes on me,” he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. “That’s it, pretty girl.” 

god im not your strongest soldier

You weren’t in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you would’ve done to the man you couldn’t drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud. 

literally me

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.” 

i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

He laughs, shaking his head. This time he’s the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesn’t want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. “I’m just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know

he’s so cute

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?” 

this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to. 

god no please nooo she needs therapy

SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.” 

my cutie ☹️☹️

NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up.

I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

“I have a spare one,” he says before you can go back to your true self, “it can be yours.” 

crying, he’s soo sweet

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.  

WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight

im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.”

he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

“It’s fine, I’m used to an empty bed anyway, so it’s not much of a difference when I wake up and don’t find you there.” 

oh ☹️

“Also doing Channie a favour, you know,” he winks and then chuckles, but you don’t find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort. 

GIRL i have something to tell you….

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?” 

mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.” 

WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention

i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?” 

SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know it’s a miracle you didn’t break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechan’s. And then you laugh, hysterically. It’s a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows. You are jealous.

im grinning so hard rn

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.” 

she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet. 

“Yeah, let’s go home.” 

STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it. 

nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting. 

THIS IS HER FAULT

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?” 

nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :(

CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he won’t stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself you’re not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind  you  and  himself that he’s the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and that’s a little consolation

this is so sad im so sad he truly is a cutie

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like? 

girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser. 

I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him. 

i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER???

SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied. 

WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

But you still don’t pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing. 

OH NO SHES FUCKING SICK.

i won’t bother you again i promise 

I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME

DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery. 

oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep. 

i hate her so much right now…

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?” 

“the fun breaks my heart”

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.” 

and when i punch her then what

Your eyes lock with Johnny’s and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart can’t keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you

i’m still too mad at her so i cant sympathize sorry (not really)

“But I’m scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasn’t me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.” 

l PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOOOOVEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREETS

You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.” 

SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.”

EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die. 

my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them. 

IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF

I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didn’t include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now? 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.” 

ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on. 

im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :((((

CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

But moving on from you seems something impossible to do. 

moving on was always easy for me to do…. it hits different it hits different cause it's you

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does. 

rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

“It wasn’t even started.”

oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.” 

i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.” 

IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely

smiling fot the first time in ages

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there. 

please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you. 

sjdhs literally mee

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side. 

girl who’s going to be okay

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it.

he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place. 

AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose. 

seriously??? 😑

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere.

i have so much to say about this im going insane.

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you. 

am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends. 

ILL KILL FOR THEM

NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you. 

suppressing my anger rn…

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again. 

is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

“I’m scared, okay? What’s between us is… is not going where I planned it to go and it’s becoming so much. I just don’t know what to do,” you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and don’t shake like a leaf. 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP YOURE A GROWN ASS ADULT GET OVER IT OR STOP HURTING HIM 😑😑😑😑😑

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.  

im so sick and tired of her.

PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.”

??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass

EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

“But why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?” He knows he’s not perfect, but he’s never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste. 

she doesn’t deserve him.

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue. 

i’m 100% with him in this

AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

“I don’t know.” 

someone PLEASE slap her

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.” 

he deserves so much better….

“Grow up.” “Grow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and I…” 

THATS RIGHT TELL HER and while you’re at it please slap her too 😁

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack. 

here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

“No, please,” you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. “Don’t leave,” you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. “Don’t leave me, too.”

oh so she can leave and ghost people but they need to be patient and understanding with her? fuck off

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him. 

😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?” 

more like the loss of her life at this point…

DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

“You let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swift’s discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.” 

lmao he’s so me

Haechan chuckles, it’s a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. “Us? Now you decided there’s an us?” 

the satisfaction i’m feeling right now

He hums, he’d love to add that he doesn’t want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.

oh my sweetie selfless cutie pie☹️

“No, I do, because you let me… you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.” 

here comes my anger again….

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.” 

listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.” 

i honestly dont know how to feel

ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”

 FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

“And I know I’m hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I won’t disappear ever again and I will let you in.” 

crying she doesn’t deserve him but im happy for him<3

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings.

IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips. 

AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF

well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them

the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs

also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷

p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

- 💌

i’m so ready for this!!! let's go!

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.  well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

past you not knowing you would’ve hated her for this ajsoaisa

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

“something so sweet and domestic” before the storm and the total chaos lmao (no but it’s really cute)

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole. SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

this is so funny after reading the whole ask you went through 100 different emotions

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.  omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

no fr men always ruin everything thank god johnny is not like this

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.”  that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him ù

if I don’t make him smirk in every single one of my fics i will DIE

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.”  kinda wish i was her…

same

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault.  GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

THIS IS SO FUNNY AKSAOOSA

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm.  girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

she was trying to be mysterious

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.  GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

pick your poison babe… i’m poison either way…

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.  if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

TELL ME I WANT TO KNOW

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.  doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

this is insane omg what happened to shame? (same)

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.”  she’s so me

at least you get her when it’s time to be horny that’s good

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?  well unfortunately i have some news for her…

she thought she did something (just like haechan did in wave)

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

oh that’s so bad, i’m sorry, i hate when people fight over that, it’s so, so stupid

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser. PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

called his ass OUT

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.”  i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

same unfortunately

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?”  this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

this part broke my heart so badly ngl. i always feel insane to say this because they only exist in my head but the way haechan wanted her to happy, to lift the weight off her shoulders even when he didn’t know what it was, even his love was so selfless, you know? (especially after when he tells her to let go of control) and the way he was already so happy he could at least somehow do it while they had sex makes me so sad. he’s the best

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to.  god no please nooo she needs therapy SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

I SCREAMED LMAO (true)

SHE’S THE DEATH YOU CHOSE YOU’RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.”  my cutie ☹️☹️ NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

THIS OMG DELETE (but this part was what i was referring to before, that "i’ve got you" held so many unsaid words)

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

I love it when you get the lyrics references

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.   WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

ikr? such a small thing but so nice

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

spoiler: you died…

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.” he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

he does :(

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?”  mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

mark was a menace lmao

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.”  WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

we weren’t back at all

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

worst thing ever, i was sick even while writing it

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?”  SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

it’s cliché i know but i HAD TO WRITE IT

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.”  she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

she truly thought she was slick and smart and was failing terribly

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet.  “Yeah, let’s go home.”  STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

they were at their best here (it lasted one week)

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it.  nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

this was so sad to write cause i could perfectly see haechan sulking because he was expecting something sweet and she just wanted to fuck

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.  THIS IS HER FAULT

IT’S COMPLICATED THO i know it's not the same haechan cause this is a different universe but… the winestainedress!haechan got his payback for the way he acted in sour. you have to be honest we forgave him FAR WORSE THAN THIS!!!!

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?”  nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :( CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

once again... hits different!haechan is paying the price of what sour!haechan did

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?  girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

i can only imagine how mad you were i’m sorry aodosids

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.  I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero (it is, it’s me, rooting for the mc)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him.  i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER??? SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

SHUT UP WHY IS THE BOLTER HER SONG OMG AOSKOASJO

splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race. behind her back, her best mates laughed and they nicknamed her "The Bolter"

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.  WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

that’s the sign that she was desperate…

i won’t bother you again i promise  I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP NOT THIS SONG

do i throw out everything we built or keep it? i'm getting tired even for a phoenix always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes. you might just have dealt the final blow. my poor haechannie :(

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.  oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

looking back at this i’m surprised people made it to the end of the story cause with no explanation she was a bit insufferable

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?”  “the fun breaks my heart” SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

…true

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.”  and when i punch her then what You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.”  SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

THIS IS KILLING ME AJDSOSAKSJ

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.” EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

SHE’S TRAUMATIZED LEAVE HER ALONE (no but you and johnny are right it’s just hard for her...)

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.  my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

i’m not supposed to laugh but i can’t help it

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.  IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

STOP I’LL CRY NOOOO

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.”  ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

real (if someone said that to me i would kill myself right in front of them)

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

we could’ve avoided some pain if wongyoung minded her business

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.  im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :(((( CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

BACK WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER WANTING WAS ENOUGH FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL CANCEL PLANS JUST IN CASE YOU CALL AND SAY MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL SO MUCH FOR SUMMER LOVE AND SAYING US (happy august!!!)

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.  rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

i’m so sorry (i will do it again)

“It wasn’t even started.” oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

please don’t tell me someone said it to you😭😭

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.”  i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

do something = pay for her therapy lmao

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.”  IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

noooooooooooooooooo but also i offer you “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely smiling fot the first time in ages

did not last long i fear :(

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.  please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

yes… it would’ve hurt less

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side.  girl who’s going to be okay

(is not going to be okay)

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it. he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

he really is the perfect man

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.  AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

IT’S JOEVER

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.  seriously??? 😑

disjodisorf

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere. i have so much to say about this im going insane.

share it with the class…

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.  am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

ajdkjsdfs at least you were proud of her for like… two seconds…

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.  ILL KILL FOR THEM NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

BUT IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT I DID MY TIME (it’s truly gonna be alright)

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.  is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

ahsdskfkfkdl i’m so sorry

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.   im so sick and tired of her. PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

THIS IS SO HER NOOOOOOOO

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.” ??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

the way this applies to her brother too… i’m gonna be sick

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue.  i’m 100% with him in this AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

he’s god strongest soldier tbh

“I don’t know.”  someone PLEASE slap her

johnny was really close to doing it

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.”  he deserves so much better….

she will become the better he deserves i promise

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack.  here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

i would like to be excluded from the narrative

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him.  😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

the emojis are killing me ajsoaios

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?”  more like the loss of her life at this point… DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

oh, what a valiant roar, what a bland goodbye. the coward claimed (s)he was a lion. i’m combing through the braids of lies. “i’ll never leave” ...“never mind”. our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. your arson’s match your somber eye..................................... (killing myself right now)

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.”  listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

the worst thing about this is... that she only really hurt donghyuck cause before him she never had something serious with anyone else 😭 but yeah therapy was necessary can't say otherwise

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.”  i honestly dont know how to feel ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

she will get better i promise

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”  FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

she needed time (84 years...)

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

it DID patch their broken wings

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.  AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

i didn’t reply to some things before because i wanted to give a broader explanation without repeating myself 10 times. i get why you feel this way toward her, she’s not an easy character at all. and i know this time i dragged the pain for long but as someone with some not-so-healthy coping mechanisms i know it’s not easy to snap out of them no matter how much you want to. it doesn’t justify anything because she DID hurt him but, at the end, they talked about it and that’s what matters. if both are willing to grow i believe you can put the pain of the past in the past and move on. also (probably it’s not clear cause it’s not from his pov) but haechan knew there was something deeper and that’s why he decided to not let go and talk to her and listen, if he didn’t care for her he would’ve dipped long before they reached that point. same thing goes for her, it was a lot, and if she let him in it’s only because she deeply cared for him.

i always see the same dynamics in fwb to lovers when the man pushes her away but with no reason to do so other than being an asshole. i wanted to give it a twist and don’t write the same old “she falls in love first and he doesn’t like her like that, and she’s miserable”. i wanted to put something more and give more depth to everything, like the lack of communication and where it leads you and how hard it is to heal and that love doesn’t solve everything but sometimes makes it harder cause it feels like something more to carry and not ✨a light happy feeling ✨. i’m aware this way it hurts much more also because the reader knows both have feelings but well, traumas suck so it is what it is.

and let’s be honest, the one who did the most was johnny and I’m really happy about that because friends are so important in these situations and he opened up her eyes, supporting her but also being honest and pushing her to get out of her comfort zone.

i’m happy you liked it either way. actually, it makes me happier that you liked it even if you didn’t vibe with her cause damn, that means i am good at something hahaha

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

i hope you will like her more in the sequel cause even if i would’ve strangled her now and then i love her a lot, she was such a complex character to write and i had so much fun. (yeah it is long, i had a lot to say lmao but i really love them and i missed writing about them)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

i always panic about everything being balanced and in the right amount so this makes me take a breath of relief. YOU NOCITED THAT YAS! i love that line in the song, i had to also put it in the story somehow. i put a lot of efforts in details so when someone picks them up it makes me incredibly happy

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷 p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

see you at the next aks! don’t worry about the mistakes i understand anyway and i’m sure i make them too

have a great week! 💖💖💖

[underfelsansfictive]

I rewatched Godzilla -1.0 yesterday

Minus One was one of the best fucking movies ever I think

Ive been reading some articles and im devastated

(Read more for review + possible spoilers/stuff from interviews, there will be bad spelling)

Review - ★★★★★

I have. Literaly no words for how amazing Godzilla Minus One is. I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles and I cried 5 times in the theater. I felt so incredibly moved by Minus One its hard to start this without gushing about it a bit.

Godzilla himself is super cool. Hes well modeled, powerful, intimidating, and most important of all almost unstopable.

-1.0 Godzilla represents survivor's guilt and how hard it is to rebuild after total collapse. I love godzilla's growth over time as Koichi's guilt builds up.

One of my favorite things about Minus One was Koichis relatonships. People go from blaming him for their issues even thoghue he couldnt have changed anything to accepting him and wanting him to stay alive.

A few people who reviewed the movie said they think it's too emotional but I think its so good becase of how emotional it is. The reason its so impactful is becase it makes you feel something for the characters, who are easy to get attatched to. Theyre all really well designed, which is nice becase complex human characters is something toho and legendary kinda forgot about over time.

Interview Things (Spoilers warning!!)

I've read a few articles about Minus One now and I have 2 main things to talk about.

1. Godzilla doesn't die anymore.

The Godzilla room, a group of people who (basically) decide whats best for godzillas image, have confirmed Godzilla wont die. In Minus One, its pretty obvious from the final scene that godzilla is regenerating. Im not the biggest fan of this, becase Noriko's comment at the end of the movie, "is your war finally over?" would be a great way to wrap everything up. Koichi has healed from his survivors' guilt.

2. Noriko is infected with g-cells.

If during the final scenes you noticed the black mark on Noriko's neck and wondered what it was, we have an answer now! Its g cells, which might mutate her into a kaiju. :(

I do think if Minus One got a sequel it would be amazing, but I also think its good as a standalone movie already. Id love to hear other peoples thoghts on this stuff!!

[ajdrawshq]

Is there any non-spoilery way you could talk about how isat isn't just about timeloops? because like I do want to check the game out eventually for sure if only because indie fun times but I'm busy for a while before I get the time and tbh I'm just not as curious because I don't know how it's gonna break that formula (also ngl no colors makes me lose 50% interest because I like. looking at colors. lots.)

UHM OK WELL UM. hm. how DO i do this without spoiling anything. im very not good at describing things especially things i Really enjoy so how do i put this . hold on i might need to look at some reviews so i know how to words. ok

as a disclaimer i havent fully interacted with a lot of (if any??) media that has timeloops so i cant say for certain what it does differently from similar media that makes it stand out from others. at the same time ive never seen something that is so directly About Timeloops in this way even if i consider stuff ive heard about in passing but i could be wrong (madoka n utena come to mind ?). ill try to think abt the things that arent Just timeloop related plus the stuff u mentioned and hope that helps it feel more interesting and less generic?

i think one of the main things i can say is that it Really makes you feel what the protagonist is feeling. more than anything ive ever watched or played or whatever . and thats saying a LOT given how much i empathize with protags in games. and its not even just an empathy thing here. both the story progression and the gameplay work in such a way that you experience pretty much everything the same way they do, while still having their own personal stuff u can learn about of course

on that note tho. that is actually something to be careful of for a few reasons. i know ur generally pretty good with darker content so i doubt thatll be a problem for u here (its not that bad tbh but there is IS a warning when u open the game/look at the steam page and it aint lying) but. due to the nature of timeloops. it CAN get tiring and this is very much intended. and this helps a lot w the story and themes in a way that its. like. think how kh days does repetition on purpose. its a lot like that (although i had way easier of a time getting thru isat than days? i cant remember how u feel abt days' gameplay but i think it was positive ? either way getting thru isat was way more bearable than days imo). it does do a good job at balancing this with a couple mechanics that mean u dont have to repeat everything all the time (i had like. Very few actual full loops by the time i finished) and theres ALWAYS new things happening, even if ur super thorough with everything. its pretty easy to do things at whatever pace u feel like and if u wanna focus on the main story only to make it easier it wouldnt take too much away from the experience (tho i do encourage talking to the npcs at least a few times), and theres always a goal to work towards. also dialogue skipping and the banana peel are ur best friends

sort of adding onto that. it really, really helps that u are sharing the experience with the protagonist. not only does that help u relate to them (even if u dont share as many traits w them as i do akvdjsn) but theyre probably the most beloved character in the game and for good reason!! its really fun to see their interactions with the rest of the main cast and the npcs, and watch them all develop in different ways throughout the game. and my goodness all of the characters are beautifully written - at first ur kinda thinking ok its a ragtag group of sillies in an rpg whats new. but their personalities and relationships and hobbies and problems and everything about them is just so well done.. they feel so natural. human even. every conversation feels real to me. one of the main themes of the game is the concept of change, and each of them represent and approach it differently, both positively and negatively. its hard not to fall in love with them as individuals and as a group because they just have so much going on, even the ones i didnt expect to like at all!!

the worldbuilding is also a fun spin on fantasy rpg worlds. it mostly revolves around the area u play in bc well. of course it does. but its vv interesting to learn about all the different cultures within the world and how they interact with and build on the themes of the game. theres all sorts of queer stuff going on and its all handled like a love letter to people who relate, and i can feel it even with what i dont relate to at all!! the way "magic" works and the ways people use it in battle and everyday life is super cool too, makes the whole thing feel a lot more believable and realistic :3 i dont wanna talk abt any specifics bc its more fun to learn abt this stuff ingame

OH AND THE TEXT.. EFFECTS?.. idk what to call that but the way dialogue (both internal and external) is written and programmed is funky as hell (affectionate). it was weird at first bc oftentimes (mostly for humor) its like. almost the way i type actually?? which feels strange in a legit game but it Works. it works so well and adds tone and vibes and a Voice in a way u usually cant get in a game without any voice acting. deltarune is also good at that but this one does it differently enough for me to consider it unique

HAVE I MENTIONED THE ART STYLE i love the art style . its so charming and expressive especially all the talking sprites n battle portraits. simultaneously silly n adorable while fully capable of being serious. and creepy. anyway look at the sillies i love them n their designs dearly (especially Siffrin (1st on the left) and Mirabelle (2nd on the left))

also on that note, the lack of colors....... i both totally understand being put off by that (i also love looking at colors n this part made me feel weird abt it when i was thinking abt getting it at first) and personally enjoy it? without saying anything spoilery (bc its really not), its just another part of the worldbuilding and themes that i now find really fun :3 should be noted that i usually have an anti blue light filter so it mightve been easier to look at w the yellowish tint going on. maybe it even looks better that way ? kinda reminded me of old films now that i think abt it.. neat!!

as a last thing i couldnt quite insert somewhere else. it is equal parts a comedy and a tragedy, and it is so, so effective at accomplishing this. the humor is fantastic and adds to the games' and characters' personality, every tragic moment is . for lack of a better word or phrase. absolutely fucking delicious. and i adore how well it can shift from one to the other gradually or in an instant, or just be both at once!!!! yippee!!!!!!!

aaand thats all i can say. i have no idea if that cleared anything up BUT i encourage u to give it a try bc i do think youd like it in the end. u probably wouldnt finish it as fast as i did but that might be a good thing jfbskndj but yeah!!!! in stars and time!!!!!! its good and i love it!!!!!!!!

[dollfaceksj]

okay clover, im finally out of work & ready to give my review/analysis. but beforrrree that, I can totally relate to that anon with being delulu & thinking yk who I am by my typing style and because I was kinda the first to start these long ass analysis💀i am humbled now bcs your inbox is flooded. BUT OKAYYY back to it ! as you may or may not know tehe im a slut for angst so I actually loved this chapter don’t kill me guys, different strokes for different folks ig .. I haveeee to compliment you on the way you write because as soon as I started reading the first few sentences, my heart sunk & I literally felt everything oc was feeling. It was so descriptive & literally just so well written! But once I realized how angry Tae was omggg was I scared for oc. I can understand the betrayal tae feels but I think he went overboard with airing her business out like that! I’m not sure if he aired both their business out like that with the intention of doing it so they break it off. I feel like he knows them both well enough to know that this could possibly end them. Both pieces of information was extremely personal and really hurtful/harmful to what they’re in the process of building. I don’t want to think tae would sink that low but in the heat of the moment, nothings off limits. I understand & sort of sympathize with Tae because when I get mad I say some pretty shitty things too (im working on it!) im not saying it’s okay AT ALL what he did, but I can understand it! I was wondering when you wrote “but Taehyung loves you. He grew up with you. He knows you like the back of his hand. You're family and there's nothing that will change that. He'd do it again in a heartbeat.” Was this her thoughts or was it Tae’s, would he actually do it all again? Because if yes :( if no :((. Also "Who do you think will get the blame when you suddenly start slacking with your grades because you're getting fucked over by some guy?" OMGG did this go everyone’s head!! Like why didn’t jk say anything?? Like i get if he would’ve said something he could’ve just made Tae blow up even more .. but like he basically said you’re gonna fuck her over & you didn’t defend yourself, you had no rebuttal.. so is it because Tae’s right??!? OMGOMGN THIS MAY BE ME JUST OVER REACTING BUT also 👀👀👀. Then he drops the whole pregnancy thing !!!!! That was shitty asf tae, that was not your business to tell! Honestly oc stronger than me because the whole situation was emotional asf & I would’ve broke down as soon as Tae raised his voice at me & looked at me with disappointment in his eyes :( I couldn’t take it :((( the timing was terrible too, oc lowkey initiated the whole going raw thing so I could understand if Jk’s view changes towards her a bit. It does look bad on oc’s part. The whole “oc’s a slut” thing is a big nono bcs it’s life shit happens. Is she irresponsible, reckless & impulsive? Yes. A slut ? No. Also I’d like to point out, we don’t know oc’s entire pov of what actually happened, only Tae’s angry spew of words. For all we know she could’ve been doing it with someone she was really in love with. Also, cumming in someone & wanting someone to cum inside you is a big kink, maybe she got carried away. She’s young okay. Let’s take it easy on her! Even though part of me is saying “oc bitch come on girl!! Twice?? & you’re still at it with your risky games? bffr!!” From Taehyungs perspective I feel like he’s being really misunderstood! What oc did is really fucked up, because yeah him & jk are close but him & her are closer! They’re practically family! He literally gave up his dream school for her, he loves & protects her! If shit goes left it’s not her thatll get yelled at, it’s him .. by BOTH sets of parents. Because he was her responsibility. If I was oc I would literally go in a depressive state bcs, now all I would think about is “does Tae hate me? Does he regret what he did for me? Am I a burden? Did I ruin his life?” Shit is just really sad :(! (Omg it got long again, hold of 1/?)

wow! im so impressed with your analysis! i really read this with a cold drink in my hand like i was reading the morning news paper lmaoooo

to answer some of your questions: 1. who thought "tae would do it all over again" it isn't either of them thinking this. it is my input as the author, it's canon and it's true to what tae would do. he would

2. i understand why you would think that about the fucking over part and why jungkook didn't defend himself, but it was more of a way if jungkook said he wasn't fucking her over or trying to, tae would be confused cause its jungkook and he's known for fucking around so he might've made the connection that they weren't just messing around but that there were romantic feelings involved and he wasn't sure how tae would take that, especially with the mia thing

3. yeah. i tried foreshadowing y/n's strict parents by her being reckless and enjoying her freedom as much as she does. you know what they say, strict parents raise sneaky children

i'll go read your other half now!

[gagfadget]

I wanted to ask for a second opinion on this because I'm not sure if I'm being overdramatic or not. Amc making Claudia go through SA absolutely disgusted me to the point where I don't want to finish the rest of the show. I know it may be petty but idc tbh :/ it was so out of left field and so mean spirited of the writers to include it but I still want to sort of finish the show so i can see how it ends??? I feel wrong for wanting to do that though. Am I being too sensitive about it? What are your thoughts about the scene?

TW FOR TALKS OF SA:

I’m going by to preface this by saying two things: You’re not being to sensitive! ♥️It’s perfectly fine if you’re not really feeling the show anymore because of that scene. If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to watch the rest of iwtv and you’re not enjoying yourself anymore then I’d say just drop it and maybe read a spoiler review of it on YT to see how the season ends. I literally do that with the anime One Piece because I love that show but the creator is so nasty that I don’t support it financially and just get the chapters via anime reviewers. The second thing is that my answer concerning my thoughts on the episode probably won’t be the answer you’re looking for 😭 my thoughts on it aren’t as straightforward as “no it was vile and didn’t need to be there” or “yes im completely fine with it”. My thoughts on it are complex is what I’m saying lol

After watching episode 5 I kinda think that Claudia being SA’d didn’t really need to happen…but at the same time I can say that for alot of good shows and movies that I like that include one or more characters being r*ped. The Boys is an example of this. To me it wasn’t really shocking and it came off as just..a traumatic experience that happened to a character that we care deeply about and because we care deeply about her, her going through something horrible like that is hard to imagine. Maybe because I have experience watching exploitation films where a woman being SA’d is there strictly to shock the audience and is made to be gawked at. I can definitely say that knowing that she went through that is jarring and sad but…atleast for me idk if shocking is the right word..but y’know that’s just me. Its also all implied and Louis stops Daniel from prying any further into the details. So to me that scene reads more like: this horrible thing happened to Claudia and she wrote her experience about it in her diary and we as the audience are only seeing the precursor to that assault. Mostly to introduce Bruce as a character but also to see just how bad other vampires can be. To me, episode 5 was like a vampiric endurance test if that make sense? Lestat warns Claudia about the brutality of other vampires and that warning, even though it was said callously to her, was fulfilled by Bruce and Lestat himself which is why they are paralleled sometimes. Not because the show is saying that their violent acts are the same but because they’re both examples of vampires Claudia and Louis know of whose humanities are rotting away. They are the worst vampires that we know of atm. It showed them examples of what would happen if they did follow in Lestat’s footsteps and let their humanity get chipped away. It also showed, not only the audience, but also Claudia and Louis what they’ll probably be dealing with later on when they meet more vampires.

TL;DR: I do think that inclusion of it is sort of unnecessary, as is most SA in media, but I atleast understand what the writers were trying to say and convey with having that happen to her.

[suebin]

ok one. just the first one and i’m already on cardiac arrest bc there is a specific video in my head on chan being shy and doing his cute little giggle. on god i’m gonna end everything :(((

two. this is so Real .. but wdym doting 😊☺️ it’s like u want me to D word. holding ur neck while kissing ?! i choose not to imagine and the “that’s what we’re doing now?” ohhhhh i’m not real

three. BINNIE AND HIS SWEET LITTLE LAUGJ no bc don’t u find it so beautiful to mimic someone’s laughter which is smthn that is so lovely and so full of happiness and just genuine Joy and unknowingly picking up on a loved one’s sound of laughter like shut up it ltrly means u’re so fond of them and their voice and their little laugh like i’m so sad

four. ok this is funny bc i do this a lot like i’m always side eyeing my friends & they have photo and video evidence of it too BUT in addition, can u imagine their power or like how adorable they r when someone they both dislike does smthn and they just send a quick side eye before looking for each other’s eyes and knowing EXACTLY what the other is thinking

five. HAN JISUNG AND HIS ICONIC LIP BALM APPLYING VIDEO i’m so happy this is the habit that mc picks up on bc the way that han applies it is the only correct answer and i refuse to hear anything else. btw the “let’s find out” at the end and the kiss like 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂URE CRAZY and i belong to a mental hospital

six. omg NO stop now i’m thinking of felix checking his pulse and i’m so sad bc it’s so cute and so FOND to replicate smthn ur partner does out of nervousness and do it when u’re nervous too. like not to overthink it, but in a way, it makes him feel closer bc u’re doing things that he does T_T does that even make sense. and the w rizz with “that’s how many years i want with u” like why’d yn EAT that up (i’m less cute when i’m nervous bc i ltrly cough up and have the worst runny nose)

seven. i kinda need to breathe for a moment before i read this bc i love seungmin with all my heart and im ltrly gonna be so devastated HWHWHFHEBCNSRI i’m already laughing bc that first line is so Me and what he’s doing is so Him like how r these dialogues so perfect like r u secretly kim seungmin and are u living inside my walls ?! “he’s ltrly me. i’m allowed to do whatever i want with me” and “just say u hate me and my preferred avenues of self expression” like it’s so HIM i need u to be honest with me rn. the whole tenderness that makes seungmin unhappy like i hate myself 😭 he’s so cute and adorable and i wanna hold him. and the ENDING ??? i laughed

eight. i love the first line to this already like the way it flows and u’re wondering where it’s about to go. and the translation like why are u genius. and the sibling interaction ?? always down bad when it comes to being with family and love and happiness with family and partners being close to their partner’s family UGH idk if i’m speaking properly bc it’s like 11pm and how adorable the “against the rules” like that’s jeongin and i’m in tears

ltrly read this on my other device so i can write down my comments as i read bc sometimes my thoughts disappear right after when i’m overwhelmed so HERE is my review of these adorable headcanons and prompts .. genius as usual !!!! i’m excited to read ur other works but i will do it 2morrow bc i am about to zzzzz

· . ˚ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞

— the little mannerisms you pick up from the members of stray kids over the course of your relationship.

words・3.7k / pairings・ot8 x gn!reader / genres・fluff, humor, borderline crack, intentional lowercase, established relationship(s) / warnings・minsung’s are suggestive, touch of anxiety in felix's, jeongin's is lowkey gross LMFAO

a/n・massive shoutout to @/http.dwaekkii on tiktok for their edits about the boys' habits, which i consulted for chan, changbin, seungmin, and jeongin (and to @astraystayyh for beta reading hehe. what would i do without u). these were sooooo fun to write, hope u guys enjoy (｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )

chan + getting shy easily. poor thing gets embarrassed so quickly as it is. throw you into the mix and it’s just critical hit after critical hit. defense lowered. no health potions left. he folds like a lawn chair with a massive smile and a whiny “stooooop” every time you say something even remotely affectionate. the habit is adorable, and you love it to pieces.

but you like poking fun at it even more. “god forbid i find my literal underwear model of a boyfriend attractive,” you’d say, or something along those lines, which of course only triples his embarrassment and on more than one occasion results in him starfishing on your kitchen floor, his hood pulled over his face.

fast forward however many months. he’s still the worst compliment-receiver you know, but you discover one arbitrary afternoon that it’s rubbed off on you.

the two of you are cuddled together on the living room couch in your usual fashion, your legs thrown over his thighs and his hands tracing absently over your shins as you relay to him something you overheard on the subway. the conversation is painfully normal. you’re almost bored. you pause to take a breath, and he murmurs, out of nowhere, in the dreamiest tone: “so damn beautiful.”

“wha—huh? what is?”

“you. your voice, your face, everything. i‘m lucky.”

your expression of bewilderment persists for around ten seconds, and then slowly, so slowly, you begin to sandwich your head between your knees, balling yourself up like a spooked armadillo. chan wonders if he should call an ambulance.

“love?” no response. “what, uh, what’s happening right now, exactly?”

no response. no response. then, hoarsely, “you can’t...say shit like that…randomly.”

he notices two things after that. one, your skin is burning hot enough to fry something upon, and two, you’ve formed a fist in the fabric of his hoodie, which you only do when you’re pretending to be annoyed at him. the puzzle pieces fall into place, and he starts grinning like a madman.

“you’re…embarrassed?”

the guttural groan you emit is more than enough of an answer, and the cute aggression that overcomes chan is fucking debilitating. he wraps his arms around you and hauls you entirely off the couch and onto his lap, littering kisses over your face until it finally resigns into a matching smile. all intent to continue feigning grumpiness erased with the drop of a hat. you drape an arm over his neck.

“you’re so good to me, channie,” you sigh helplessly. “i love you.”

“love you more, baby.” he imprints these words directly upon your lips, then pulls away, giggles. “that was very me of you, by the way.”

“i know, right? i was just about to say.”

minho + butt touching. it’s quite simple, really. if lee minho is within proximity of someone’s buttocks, he will, as he lives and breathes, make it known. will it be a coy little swat or a yelp-eliciting, full-bodied grab? nobody ever knows, not even him. the unpredictability is what makes it exciting.

but it takes a while before this starts applying to you, because the way minho touches you is…different. doting. there’s no other way to describe how he always holds the nape of your neck while kissing you, how he rests a hand against the small of your back whenever he leads you somewhere, how during the nights you can’t sleep he guides you to the place on his chest where he knows his heartbeat is loudest. he even drags you into his trademark headlocks the same way one would hold an invaluable treasure. he’s so obsessed with all of you that he never thinks to pay just your butt special attention (though it is, indeed, a special butt).

you take it into your own hands. literally.

you don’t know what prompts it—maybe you’ve simply seen minho slap his members’ asses one too many times, or maybe you’re still thinking of the specific time minho slapped changbin’s ass in passing and it fucking echoed, or maybe minho just looks especially fine in this practice outfit, a skintight tee and washed sweatpants that hug him in all the right places—but you feel a new urge today as your boyfriend swings his duffel over his shoulder, circles around the kitchen counter.

he puckers up as he nears you, silently requesting his goodbye; you give it to him, relishing for a moment in the familiar, soft plush of his lips beneath yours. then he pulls away and turns to leave, and your hand acquires its target.

“go get ‘em, tiger.” thwack!

minho jumps a foot into the air. clutches his pearls and his left butt cheek. becomes the splitting image of that perplexed blonde lady surrounded by geometry.

but when he turns around to stare at you, the smirk melting across his face betrays how he really feels about what you’ve just done. good. really good.

you, meanwhile, look genuinely confused. “it’s like it moved on its own.”

minho beams. steps towards you daintily, intentionally, like a cat catching sight of a laser beam. brings a hand to your hip, murmurs, “that’s what we’re doing now?” kisses you again, for longer this time.

you fully foresee his fingers wandering to your ass to give it a gentle squeeze, but you reach up to cuff his shoulder when it happens anyways, and his laugh vibrates against your mouth. it seems you’ll be reaping what you’ve sown from now on.

(good luck.)

changbin + the Cackle™. yes, you said something exceptionally funny. yes, you expected changbin to find it funny too. but you couldn’t expect the godforsaken noise that left his mouth as he threw himself straight into the tree planter behind you.

your mind spun with frantic questions as you helped him out of the dirt. had the spirit of spongebob just usurped his vocal cords? were you on a date with the wicked witch of the west? most importantly—

“are you well?” you sputtered, which only made him laugh harder and his laugh so much crazier, so you started laughing, too. and you were goners, falling over each other until you’d been reduced to watery eyes and sore cheeks, your giggling interrupted only by the sound of you slapping his thigh every so often, heartily enough to reverberate around the little park in which you concluded your second date.

that’s how you fall for seo changbin: laughing. with a reckless, breathless abandon you didn’t think possible. stumbling across empty sidewalks, spitting noodles across dining tables, begging for mercy on studio couches. wrestling under tear-stained comforters, starting (and re-starting) silly stories, huffing into beaming kisses. the list goes on.

you never quite get used to that chortle of his, too busy enjoying its insanity to notice how your own chuckles grow shorter and shriller, how they gradually develop an edge like the chittering of a forest dweller.

you complete your transformation on your ninety-eighth date. 

no, changbin doesn’t say anything exceptionally funny. no, he doesn’t expect you to find it funny, either. he expects least of all for you to fold over the kitchen island and start cackling like cruella de vil on helium.

han turns around from his seat on the couch. chan’s footsteps come to a halt as he emerges from the bathroom. both of them have fear in their eyes as they witness your undoing.

the only thing on changbin’s face, though, is unfettered delight.

“b-baby,” he sputters with a growing smile. “are you—”

you lift your face off the marble surface and turn to face him. the entirety of your forehead and the point of your nose is covered in flour. you blow a cloud of the stuff out of your mouth like a dragon awoken from slumber.

he loses it.

the two of you make your way onto the floor in slow motion, ending in a tangled heap against the side of the counter. changbin tries to clean off the flour and smears it all over your cheeks instead. you are zero help whatsoever, smacking his bicep like that’ll help you catch your breath. your synchronized, diabolical laughter reaches every corner of the apartment. your happiness reaches every nerve ending.

chan and han look at each other, sigh. han takes a video.

hyunjin + side-eyeing. this man is so god awful at controlling his face, bless him…and DAMN HIM.

on one hand, you love how in tune with his emotions he is, how confidently he puts them on display. and you love your synergy. you come closer to believing in soulmates every time you glance his way and discover your exact feelings written all over his features; it’s a special type of happiness, sharing a brain with your favorite person in the world.

on the other hand, you think there’s a time and place for candor, and he tends, well, not to think at all. during many a precarious situation, you’ll catch him wearing an expression so transparent that he might as well arrange the words THIS IS STUPID AND I HATE ALL OF YOU over his head in neon lights. cue a dig of your heel into his toe, a hiss of pain cut short by your piercing glare. if you’d known ahead of time that dating hwang hyunjin would have you doing so much damage control…you’d still date him, let’s be real. but you do get stressed at times.

the night the tables turn, you’re at a celebratory dinner for your coworker’s birthday. small caveat: you can’t stand her. she’s the type to spontaneously combust if she goes two minutes without talking about herself. certainly doesn’t help that she’s downing champagne like water, and her lips are looser than ever.

hyunjin comes with you, fortunately. or not. he spends the whole evening trying so hard not to laugh: snorting into his bread, excusing himself to “cough.” you think he actually starts doing breathing exercises at some point. you’re so, so grateful that he’s here, but you’re also deathly afraid that he’s gonna bring out those neon lights in front of your entire office.

then, she flirts with him.

from the opposite end of the table. perfectly wasted but still knowing perfectly well that he’s yours. the whole patio goes silent. hyunjin’s jaw hits the table.

your fork clatters to your plate.

FUCK time and place.

the side-eye you give her is devastating. truly masterful. your brow furrows. your eyes turn to slits. your gaze does the up-down-up of unadulterated incredulity. hyunjin recognizes the motions straightaway and starts smiling so hard his whole face hurts.

you take your boyfriend’s wrist and stand up. he follows suit. you don’t say a thing as you leave the restaurant, and you don’t have to. the intensity of your disdain was more than enough; anything more and she might’ve started crying.

once you’re on the curb outside, hyunjin pulls on your interlocked hands, brings you close. his lips brush against the shell of your ear. you hear laughter and his smirk in his voice.

“you’re so fucking sexy, holy shit.”

jisung + how he applies lip balm. that han jisung is the pioneer of modern day babygirlism is the worst kept secret in the world. that han jisung applies lip balm the riveting way he does, however, is unknown even to you. until one morning.

you pop into the bathroom and make your usual beeline for your toothbrush, only to end up motionless in front of the sink, staring. jisung is a bit off to the side, hair pinned back by a cinnamoroll headband, eyes glued to his phone, hand holding a tube of chapstick that you can actually see getting shorter in real time. he looks so pensive, so concentrated. how long has it been since he last blinked? you’ve half a mind to pull out a stopwatch.

finally, he rubs his lips together, recaps the chapstick, and makes eye contact with you in the mirror. a smile crosses his face, equal parts confused and amused.

“baby, your mouth is open.”

you close it. then you open it again, and your words come out in a barely-contained laugh: “what on earth did you just do?”

“what do you mean?”

“the—” you point at his mouth, then do your best impression of an elementary schooler trying to color inside the lines. “—that.”

jisung looks aghast. “that was LIP BALM.”

“no, i know what it—you’re so—i meant, why do you apply it like that?”

jisung continues to look aghast. “like what?”

“like you’re one of socrates’ prized pupils and the answer to the universe’s formation lies at the bottom of—” you step in close, reach into the pocket of his sweatpants. “—this tube!”

it might be the craziest thing you’ve ever said to him. he bursts into laughter, the kind that leaves him no recollection of what he does with his limbs, and when he can see straight again he discovers he’s pressed you gently against the counter. his fingers latched around the hem of your top, his grin inches away from yours. can’t stay away from you to save his life, this one.

“do i actually?”

“yes! holy shit, it’s so cute.” your arms circle around his neck, also without an ounce of thought, also through a fit of giggles. “no way you’ve always done that, right?”

“i don’t know. i’ve never thought about it.” a pause. a tilt of his head, with purpose. “am i…doing it wrong?”

the question is a trap and you realize it too late. your gaze drops from his eyes to his lips—a ray of sunlight glistens off the pink plush like a paid actor—then back to his eyes. let’s find out.

you lean in. so does he. and his mouth tastes and feels like melted fucking sugar. it’s such a pleasant surprise that you actually moan, and he chuckles against you. lifts you onto the edge of the sink. your mind really goes empty after that, save for one thought. i have to start doing that.

felix + checking his own pulse. you saw it from afar, the first time.

he stood by the stage’s entrance just before from curtain up, pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of his neck. eyelids sealed closed, chest heaving. you tilted your head, puzzled. worried. then the concert began, and you pushed the image to the back of your mind.

it returned to the forefront right before bed.

“you do it when you’re nervous?”

“yeah. forces me to ground myself. turns off the world for a bit.” the hand rubbing circles into your back paused. “wanna give it a go?”

“what, checking my pulse?”

“mine.”

you lifted your head off the pillow. felix took your hand from where it sat upon his ribs, isolating two fingers and nestling them over his jugular. his quickened heartbeat pressed into your skin like the world’s gentlest tattoo.

the sixty seconds began and concluded in total silence.

“well?” he whispered.

“ninety-three,” you answered, lightheaded from the sheer intimacy of it all. “you’re nervous right now?”

“something like that,” he hummed. pulled you down, kissed you deeply. there were no more words exchanged that night.

the habit surfaced more than you knew. while driving to visit your parents. after a stupid argument with a bouquet of flowers tucked beneath his free arm. you started doing it for him in the times he couldn’t, and he’d cover your hand with his own and kiss the top of your head silently, gratefully.

two years have passed since, and you’ve vanished from the dinner table.

felix asks the nearest waiter for directions to the restrooms. you don’t notice when the door swings open, unmoving in your spot over the sink, your pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of your neck. 

his hand finds your hip. you let him turn you around and bring you to his chest; he glances at the crystalline droplets studding your lashes and falling from your cheeks. his eyes convey what his mouth doesn’t need to, not anymore.

let me.

you do.

his fingers replace yours the moment you drop them from under your jaw, the movement like clockwork. he counts your every heartbeat with unblinking concentration, his heart growing heavier the higher the number climbs.

the sixty seconds begin and conclude in total silence. 

“well?” you whisper.

“hundred and six,” he answers. to his confusion, a smile pulls at your lips. 

he wonders if it’s a trick of the bathroom lights when he sees the tiny box you pluck from your pocket, but there’s no mistaking the reality of the diamond ring that sits behind its open lid.

the earth slants under his feet.

“crazy.” you giggle through your tears, run your thumb over his cheekbone. “that’s how many years i want with you.”

seungmin + poking eyes(?) he’s hardly touched puppym when your voice is slicing through the living room air like a fucking beyblade. 

“KIM SEUNGMIN, UNHAND HIM THIS INSTANT.”

do you have a sixth sense just for this? he throws his hands up in exasperation. “he’s literally me. i’m allowed to do whatever i want with me.”

“he’s not you, he’s our son.” you pop out of nowhere to swipe the plushie from over your boyfriend’s shoulder. “my son, if you keep this up.”

“just say you hate me and my preferred avenues of self expression.”

upside-down, he watches you dust off puppym’s face and smooch his forehead with a tenderness that makes seungmin unhappier than he lets on. you then tuck him into your jacket pocket. the little shit’s expression looks strangely smug poking out of its cotton capsule.

“i’m asking you to not gauge his eyes out, not to deliver me the holy grail,” you say. “you’ll survive.”

but then he feels your hands on either side of his face, and you lean over him like the mj to his peter, leave a kiss on the space between his eyes, too. he has zero say in the bashful smile this brings to his face.

“but why do you do that, seriously?” you mutter.

“i have no idea,” he replies. “but it’s fun. try it.”

“i’ll think about it.” you lean in again, and he nearly forgets what you were talking about in the first place when you kiss him on the lips this time. “okay, i’ve thought about it. no.”

“hate you,” he says despite the literal hearts in his eyes, and then you’re off to work.

puppym takes strikingly after his father. they have the same bangs. the same compulsively squeezable quality. the same little :3 that can only allude to sinister plottings. you’d be loath to admit that you sort of comprehend seungmin’s poking predisposition.

one night, seungmin falls asleep before you even finish your nighttime routine, and you spot in his peaceful, upturned face an opportunity.

you lie belly-down on your side of the bed. your fingers splay into a peace-sign in the air. your smile stretches further into a cheshire grin the closer you bring your hand. you’re just about to reach the ends of his eyelashes when—

“I KNEW IT!”

you almost catapult into the ceiling. then you try to make a mad dash for the bathroom. but seungmin shoots a hand around your wrist like he’s actually peter parker and pins you down before you so much as take a step. your only remaining option is to sulk about your foiled plans. (and blush, because, well, you’re under him.)

“amateur,” he tsks. “you gotta test my breathing to make sure i’m asleep first. shit’s foolproof.”

you blink at him for a few seconds. his words finally click.

now you almost catapult him into the ceiling.

“HOW MANY TIMES?”

jeongin + eating food in one bite. so you might be an instigator.

“hwuck,” he grumbles around the whole ice cream cone in his mouth, face scrunched up in a brain-freeze-induced wince. “ayee ith waz a bah iyeah.” (translation: fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.)

“you got this. just take it slow,” you urge, except he’s stopped moving and speaking and closed his eyes as if he’s descending into a deep sleep. you’re actually concerned for about two seconds, and then his jaw begins to oscillate leisurely like an elderly cow in his favorite pasture. false alarm.

after some time, he swallows, beams. “so am i the fucking best or what.”

“yeah you are,” you echo, and he swings an arm over your shoulder, plants a chocolatey kiss on your temple. the two of you celebrate his daesangs with less enthusiasm.

“when are you doing that with me, by the way?”

“the one-bite thing?” he nods. “mmm, coaches don’t play.”

“mmm, this one will.”

“doubtful.”

fast forward a few weeks and you, jeongin, and his younger brother are sitting cross-legged on the porch in his backyard. three full-sized oranges rest in the center of your makeshift circle. damn is yoon hard to say no to. (runs in the family.)

“the rules!” he declares. “eat the orange whole! first to swallow it wins! you can’t spit it out!”

you wait. “is that it?”

“yes!”

why was the delivery so grand?

jeongin places a fond hand atop his brother’s head. “i’ve brought you a new loser, yoonie. get excited.”

you feign an indifferent scoff, but jeongin spots the fire that ignites behind your eyes like that of an anime protagonist, the resolute grip with which you palm your orange. he smirks. he’s never known you to take trash talk sitting down. or sitting cross-legged on his porch.

yoon counts you off. “ready…”

“good luck, coach,” jeongin sings.

“shut up, pipsqueak.”

“set…GO!”

in amusing unison, you and yoon try and fail to fasten your teeth around even half of the fruit. jeongin, meanwhile, fits the whole thing into his black hole of an oral cavity and launches into that dumb cow impression again.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

you rip the orange from your lips. “yoon! your brother’s ticklish, right?”

both yang siblings’ eyes widen—the younger’s in growing delight, the older’s in impending horror.

the latter reacts first. “ay, ay, ay, ah ahes eh ooles!” (translation: wait, wait, wait, that’s against the rules!)

but the former moves first, and you’re right behind him.

jeongin weakens when the younger boy assaults his sides, crumples when you target the back of his neck, the sounds leaving his mouth getting progressively louder and somehow even less intelligible.

he eventually has to spit out the orange to avoid death by pulp going down the wrong pipe and spins around in indignation, wiping at his chin with the back of his hand. but his annoyance—

you’re back on the floor, gnawing hopelessly at the the orange again. “ih ih eawahin, ooh.” (translation: this is embarrassing, yoon.)

yoon replies, “huh?” (translation: huh?)

—dissipates, immediately.

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