#i kinda like writing but it takes even more energy than art ngl

[luckylunatix]

(Little headcanon I had about Boogie Bump/Guest!Micah and Cactus Gunman, when they first run into each other)

Cactus Gunman: It's a pleasure to meet you, uh... Señor?..... -ita??

Guest!Micah: Huh?

Guest!Micah, remembering they're nonbinary and very gnc: Oh

Guest!Micah: Either one is fine, but personally I'd rather skip the honorifics and formal speak. Just call me Micah, pal.

Cactus Gunman, in flustered bisexual: Ah, I, um, see. Wellagainit'snicetomeetyou.....

[pomefioredove]

Tbh I was reading the matchup info and now I have an idea for a fic 😂😂😂

But Seriously I really love your writings. I've been having a shitty time and when I read your stuff it gets better and mellows me out ❤️

Personality wise: I can be pretty calm, but I also have my exciting/ manic moments. Like cleaning my room at 3am (cries in bd sleeping schedule). People say I'm nice, and have a good energy. But if someone pushes me (metaphorically) I will push back. I can be petty if I get fed up enough. I get depressed easily and sometimes have trouble expressing myself. Which is weird because I kind of am the therapist friend. I don't talk about my feelings or self often. Sometimes I scare my friends unintentionally, like dropping random tidbits of my life that might sound or be a little traumatic. (I.e. that reminds me of the time my mom told me she would beat my ass if I cleaned her room wring again.) I can be pretty lazy, I sleep A LOT. I am a feminist, who is pretty used to red flags in people.

Interests/ Hobbies: I love reading and trying new art stuff. I am an English major and like learning about the dirty and scary sides of History. My favorite books to read right now are classical literature and disturbing horror books. Art wise I've been trying to get into air dry sculptures. I love to crochet. And when I feel like it I can cook and bake. Sometimes I roller skate, like once in a blue moon. I have trouble with homework sometimes, I can get really distracted. When I'm really tired I won't eat. I have body issues too (thanks mom 🥲). I used to be a vegetarian for almost 10 years. I stopped a couple years ago.

Relationship wise: I like people who are competent. Like, someone who knows their way around the house or are willing to learn. I like feminists. I don't like people who yell at me. When I get into a relationship, love bombing and honeymoon phase stuff kinda turn me off ngl. (Like why r you so free on a regular Tuesday afternoon. I give you butterflies? Digest them, want some pesto bismol? Here.) Ngl, it's like why should I have to come back from a full day of work/school and clean up after you and/or make dinner.

Lifestyle wise: No lie I have depression and anxiety and it can get pretty bad. There are times where I can't take care of myself as well as I wish. I will cry, if someone makes fun of me for it. I try to keep my area clean, when I get back from work/school I clean up a little then crash. I try to deep clean on weekends if I'm not swamped from school.

Specifics: No first or second years pls

Ty 💖💖💖

I match you with 𝐕𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐭

The First Impression:

One might assume that the first thing Vil notices in a person is their style, or their physical features, or even their body language.

Not really.

Vil absolutely judges people based on their competency, their skill, their dedication to themselves and their passions. And he can absolutely see that in you.

Why He Fell:

What initially attracts Vil is the challenge. He's always looking for new potential, and he can tell that you're both skilled and committed enough to meet his standards- but there's something holding you back. You're quite different from his past potatoes, and he's more than capable of taking a different approach to your case, one without the need for harshness.

Vil isn't one to pry, though he's able to piece together your situation from the random tidbits you drop on him, and soon, his pet project becomes more of a mission. Can't take care of yourself right now? That's fine, he'll do it for you. He'll find a way to create a perfectly manageable routine, fix your sleep schedule, help you with homework, and slowly ease you into a healthier lifestyle with him by your side.

Though he'd never admit it, Vil really likes the feeling of being needed, not just wanted. And, in time, he finds himself needing you and your company just as much.

The Relationship:

You cannot get more competent than Vil Schoenheit. Experience or not, he's a master at navigating relationships, and is more than willing to help you in that regard, as well. He's there at your best and worst, as you are for him- Vil considers the partnership very equal, and would never in a million years dream of upsetting that balance.

(Quite honestly, Vil doesn't want to be treated like an incompetent manchild who can't do anything for himself and he's glad you're on the same page)

He very much appreciates and admires your skillset, interest in learning new things, and your dedication to your passions (one isn't just vegetarian for ten years without some commitment, after all), and sees you as compatible in that regard.

It's a very mature and balanced relationship, one in which you don't even have to imagine him lovebombing or taking you for granted or acting childish. He certainly has his moments, but such is being human.

[yourlocalartsonist]

MONTLY MFIP UPDATE

8/13 | Month 1 | Next Month

Hey hey hey folks! Been a while, I know but we’re here now! If you’re wondering “what the fuck is this” basically I decided to take notes from my bestie @yosajaeofficial and do monthly updates for MFIP the way they do em for their story JMC so it doesn’t look like I’m dead :D (BTW Please go check out the Jayce Myles Comics, it’s gonna be a rise comic and hasn’t debuted yet but Jae’s been working super hard on it and I guarantee if you guys like MFIP, then you’ll love the JMC too so give em a follow to stay updated~)

Anywhizzle, I know I don’t update often but truth be told, I don’t usually have much publishable material. Most of the MFIP related artwork I do are usually things I can’t reveal till future chapters. They’re lore-significant and would be kinda spoilerish if I posted them before the chapters are ready so womp womp on me. All the other art I do are either for different stories, sketches, or just not things I really wanna publish at least as their own posts. I do, however, wanna show I’m not speaking out my ass so I’mma show a few of em here actually :3

First one’s like one of my favorite things ever even if it’s pretty simple. I just wanted to explore Salena’s dynamics with some of the villains and sketch em out for funsies but only got as far as Meatsweats and Kendra. Still one of the funniest shit to me ESPECIALLY the random ass beef Salena and Meatsweats have. It came out of fucking nowhere but both have accepted it as just their dynamic now. Funfact, it wasn’t even planned; I accidentally made Meatsweats the villain for chapters 1 and 3 and decided “fuck it, the bond is funny” so now they’re mortal enemies for no reason other than pure coincidence💀✨

Wanted to show this one because it’s cute and I love it. It’s one of my more recent sketches (hence the brush being changed) I did on a day I wasn’t really feeling too well and kinda craved Raph’s big-brother comfort. I might go in and actually finish this one ngl cuz it’s just really sweet to me

SPOILER!

I also wanted to show a sneak peek at one of the chapter artworks that I mentioned earlier I cannot post yet. I’m not revealing any of the context or what chapter it’s from, but trust me y’all are in for a ride🤭✨✨✨

Alrighty, so that’s all I have for the art section. It’s not all though since I do wanna talk about the actual chapter progress itself in this next section

So, all y’all know the last chapter posted was chapter 9 and the one I’m working on currently is chapter 10. It’s got 19 pages so far in the docs but still kinda near the beginning. Chapter 9 was HUGE for me to write and I kinda think it’s the longest chapter I’ve written in general even including chapters from other stories I’ve written in the past so it really put me through a trip. I’m really happy and proud with how it turned out but it did burn me out a little so I’ve spent most of my summer break resting and regaining my energy. I’ve dabbled into other projects, other stories, AUs, etc. A lot of it was self-indulgent stuff which may still be posted on a separate account but it does mean I wasn’t progressing much with MFIP itself. I never abandoned it though or even properly stepped away from it tbh, it stayed in my mind and I kept having ideas that I added to my notes or just random brainrot I liked expanding on. It also gave me a chance to approach chapter 10 with a new lens cuz it had to be mentally reworked a few times to properly convey what I wanted it to. It’s still not fully figured out but it’s planned out in my head enough for me to ball it when writing the actual chapter itself as usual

I’ve also been working on some oneshots too! They’re kinda optional treats for anyone who wants to read em. They do have significance in the story but it’s not gonna leave you completely lost about the lore or anything if you choose not to read them. I’ll be posting at least the first one soon, I’m not sure yet cuz the order is indeed important for the timeline sake. But anywho, expect to see some of that as fun bonus content!

Now that the chapter update’s done, I did wanna talk more to you guys about writing and the story itself. I know I’ve become incredibly slow at updating the story but I do wanna reassure you guys that I still love MFIP and have a lot of passion for it, as well as working on it as hard as I can. The reason these chapters take longer is ironically because of that. I used to be able to pump out a chapter within a few weeks but those were the REALLY early days. My chapters grew to be much longer than I ever thought they’d be and they’re filled to the brim with important details and crucial moments that I can’t take out or rush without it feeling sloppy and lacking. The quality’s also increased thanks to my wonderful team editing the chapters for any typos or continuity errors and working on MFIP with as much passion as I am but that means they need to be given enough time to do their jobs properly. My love for MFIP is greater than it’s ever been and that’s saying something cuz I was quite obsessed since day one. But since there’s so much to do and I wanna be able to make the quality worthwhile, it takes me much longer to complete chapters. On top of that, there’s obviously life stuff going on too. I still have to focus on college and study for it, especially since I’m majoring in physics, and I have to take care of my mom a lot since she’s a breast cancer survivor (officially been a decade now🦾) so we got A LOOOOOOT of doctor appointments every month. It’s just our normal. I do wish there was a way I could work faster or increase the amount of hours in a day but hey, at least we’re all waiting together. I can promise you this much: if I ever decide to drop the story—which I believe is VERY HIGHLY UNLIKELY—I’ll be sure to let y’all know. I won’t ghost or randomly delete it out of nowhere someday. As far as I’m aware, I have full intent to keep this story going and keep communication clear between us :3

But yea, all in all, I think that’s all from me for this month’s update!

I hope this was a satisfying update to read (and to know the story ain’t abandoned—) and I hope next month I’ll have some cool things to show too. Maybe I’ll consider showing a written WIP next month? I’m not too sure since I usually like keeping my chapters a surprise till they’re fully done but I’ll consider it depending on how far the chapter is. For now though, I must bid y’all farewell! I’ll still be here to answer asks or do fun tag games and maybe post here and there if I have something. If ya made it this far, thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your day everyone. Love ya guyssss🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

ROTTMNT: Moths Fly In Packs

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[lizacstuff]

SCK Asks: Episode 38

(asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: happy edser just HITS different. maybe it's because we've been so deprived of them together and blissful, it's such a joy to watch. i had a silly grin on my face during all their scenes. sure the tumor cloud is looming over our heads, but this episode only laid the foundation for that and then went into romcom mode, which i really appreciated because we've been bogged down for SO LONG with heaviness, it was nice to just take a breather.

OMG! Yes, all of this. And I’m not sure if it’s happy Edser that hits different, or if it was whatever magic and sparkle these writers injected into this episode that made it hit different.  

The magic was BACK. The sparkle was BACK. These writers took the most ridiculous scenario idea (these two famous architects deciding to solve a murder) and just made it sing. I grinned through the whole thing and laughed out loud, A LOT. 

This was the first episode in ages where I wasn’t watching the clock and waiting for some uncomfortable or unpleasant moment or scene to occur. Instead watching was pure joy and no anxiety, even with a tumor diagnosis. 

There was so much good Edser in this episode it’s hard to know what to talk about. I loved every moment they were on screen together. 

Anonymous said: I have to hand it to you, you said that the reason they were doing this pregnancy story is so that we could find out that Selin and Serkan never slept together. ngl I wanted her to suffer more, but as long as she’s gone I’m fine with her punishment being the humiliation of having to admit that in front of Eda. 

Ha! Yes, I have said that all along, and I’ve never been more relieved to be right. They really went the extra mile with having Selin spell out that it hadn’t happened.  With the English subs it almost sounded like they had never, ever had sex, even before.  If so, I could actually believe it, their prior relationship seemed to be very business like, like they were each other’s safe, convenient date to business and family functions, and it wasn’t emotional or physical for him. 

After the gross story around Selin, and how much damage she did and how much she got away with, this was not nearly enough comeuppance to sate my thirst for her pain. These writers started this story and introduced Selin’s role in it, so it’s not like they 100% inherited something they had nothing to do with. However, between Bige’s limited availability due to her father passing, Sarp Can having covid, and the way the other writers drug it into the ground, I’m also just happy it’s over and will deal with this being all we get, plus, while she didn’t get punished adequately, she did take her lumps. It’s humiliating that Serkan went around acting incredulous to everyone who would listen that she could be pregnant because he never touched her, even while she was his fiancé. I mean that’s a shrinker. Can you imagine agreeing to marry a man who you knew didn’t want to touch you? Everyone now knows her sad, pathetic desperation to have him under any circumstances. Yikes. 

And as you say, she then had to stand in front of Eda and Serkan and admit he didn’t touch her. Admit that Serkan never wanted her, and it’s humiliating that everyone at Art Life knows what she did and thinks she’s a monster. Serkan finally knows she’s an awful manipulator who tried to trick him, and in the end she gets an unplanned pregnancy with a man who doesn’t love her and whom she doesn’t love.  So it’s not like she’s winning by any stretch of the imagination. 

(Though I really wish everyone knew (mostly Serkan and Eda) that she sabotaged Eda’s presentation. It’s important for the characters to know that she can’t be trusted professionally as well as personally... but oh well.)

Anonymous said: Two things: 1) I kinda love it even more that they got the tattoos before he found about the illness.. idk why but it was even MORE romantic. Also does this mean they're kinda sorta engaged again since the reason she said no in the first place was Selin? and 2) I need more of that "ring for love" bell ASAP. My jaw actually dropped when he lifted her up since we were deprived of it in 26.. please more breaking of family structures!!

Oh I agree, I found it very romantic they went and got the tattoos and the only impetus was their desire to have a symbol of their love. I already love those tattoos so much, and I love that they sat their designing them together. They really do signify the ultimate commitment. 

I’m not sure if they’re engaged or not. Maybe they’re in a place where it’s obvious they’re going to get married, they both know they’re going to get married, but we’re still going to get one more proposal to make it official?  

As for the ring for love bell, when and where did he get that!? Hee. And yes to more breaking of the Turkish family structure. That lift and twirl through the living room was... HOT. And it was just so effortless, there are just no words at times for how good Hande and Kerem are, I’ve really never seen anything like it. They don’t really have time to rehearse on set, or limitless takes or the time to really block and perfect things, but they’re just so good together they make magic happen every time they’re on screen.  Amazing. Enjoy this kids, because you probably won’t see anything like it again. 

Anonymous said: With the nature of these shows, Eda and Serkan will not a blissful happily ever after without something hanging over there heads or some new drama until the show actually ends. So if the new angst is Serkan's potential illness, I'm down for the potential angst it'll create.. it's already a good sign that, although he hasn't told her about it yet, he's not pushing her away in fear, but instead the opposite. I also don't think, and really hope not, him keeping it secret rn won't cause trouble.

Yes, I like that even with that heavy health news hanging over the episode, it was still light and funny and romantic and had that old sparkle. That tells me that they’re going to strike the right tone with this story which seems to be a very carpe diem thing with Serkan. 

It didn’t bother me that he didn’t tell her. First, he told the doctor that he didn’t want anyone to know until he had a diagnosis. That makes sense, why worry her, or any of them, before they know.  I’m sure I would feel different if he was pushing her away because of the diagnosis, but since he’s holding her close and just seems to want to spend time with her, without that heaviness hanging over her head, I’m okay with it. 

Also, as seen in the new fragman, if this story is an excuse to get them out of the office and put them in all sorts of scenarios together it would otherwise be hard to justify, bring it on.  Let’s see how far down the list of things to do they can get! 

Anonymous said: i know no one reaaaally cares because they're not most people's favorite side characters, but it's really much nicer to watch aydan and ayfer scenes now that they're both on "team edser" and have become really good friends. i swear, the AAA trio scenes were so unbearable to watch when they were fighting over him and i was fast forwarding through all of them.. at least i can sit through team "united" aydan/ayfer scenes.

They’re actually enjoyable scenes now! I love that they’ve become actual true friends, best friends really, and along with Seyfi I love their little trio.  Love that Seyfi and Ayfer were being so supportive about Aydan rekindling something with Kemal.  And I agree that we can root for them when they’re working for Edser’s well-being and happiness.  I just hope Aydan doesn’t do something stupid if there begins to be some question about Serkan’s parentage. 

Anonymous said: the scooby doo gang ending had me laughing so hard i was tearing up when more and more people kept sneaking in and eda and serkan were getting more and more exasperated. erdem accidentally using flash took me tf out lmao. i love when sck does comedy with the whole cast and not just the usual "comedy" characters.. they're some of my favorite scenes! both "asking for the girl" scenes come to mind.

You could see Erdem using the flash coming from a mile away, but that still didn’t blunt the comedy when he actually did it.  So funny. Also Engin not recognizing Eda, imagine him thinking Serkan is there with some rando woman.  I also love the full cast comedy scenes, they are so much fun and really should be utilized as often as possible. 

The scene where Edser walk back into the house and Aydan and Kemal were there paying their respects had me screech-laughing! So so so funny. Both sides being incredulous that the other was there and wanting answers!  I also enjoyed that Serkan obviously put Erdem in charge of Kemal’s project, because he wants that project to go away. Unfortunately for Serkan, I think it’s going to take more than Erdem to drive Kemal away.  

Anonymous said: Everyone is saying serkan planned the whole thing, do you buy into that? Idk would he really put everyone in a gunpoint situation where they don’t know it’s fake? Cause that’s some potentially trauma inducing stuff. Also I have no idea where they’re going with this, since it’s been a 4 day break from set which is kind of worrying. And do you know why Melisa wasn’t in the ep? I know Sarp can got Covid but wasn’t Melisa posting with cast members on her story throughout the week?

Wow, this is a lot of negative energy and fretting after a really good episode. Deep breath. Since you sent this, we know that Hande and Kerem have been shooting for 2 full days at a romantic looking beach location for 39, so it looks like Edser has some sort of mini-getaway. I don’t see any reason to be concerned about the 4 day break last week. (now the fragman’s out, hopefully that puts your mind at ease)

No idea why Melissa wasn’t in the ep, other than the way the ep was structured with the supporting characters, if she had to miss the ArtLife shooting day then I can see that they would have had to write her out of the full episode, because most of their scenes were there and it set up everything for the rest of the episode. So perhaps she was in quarantine for a Covid exposure, maybe she was legit sick/injured (she has had a foot thing) or maybe she had a conflict for that one shooting day. No idea, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.  Also her absence gave us Ferit/Melo scenes and I’m 100% behind that, give us more of those! 

As far as if Serkan planned the whole thing, he did look pretty smug and relaxed while sitting there at the end, but he also wasn’t planning for the whole group to tag along and make a mess, lmao. We’ll have to see. 

Anonymous said: Do you think bad ratings makes sck in danger of being cancelled or do you think high social media engagement keeps it safe?

Friends, I don’t know anything about the Turkish system, but it seems to me that SCK will either go through May or extend into summer and end then, regardless of the ratings. We shall see. As I’ve said before I’m not going to engage in the fretting and worrying and discussion on this topic because no fan really knows what they’re talking about and there is nothing we can do to change what will happen. So just enjoy the show while we can, the news on when it will end will come when it comes. 

[midearthwritings]

Could I please get an Lotr and The Hobbit Matchup, of you're still doing them? Thanks so much!

🌱 18 year old Woman // Bisexual // Autistic and Disabled with a bonus Anxiety Disorder

🌱 I have a litany of Chronic Illnesses including Autism, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Dyscalculia (Dyslexia for Math), Scoliosis, Sleep Apnea, Asthma, a Growth Hormone Deficiency, Insomnia, and a very bad Overbite. I also have a condition where my right leg is physically longer than my left, which causes pain in my hip and right leg, as well as trouble walking. My usual symptoms include Fatigue, Back Pain, Executive Dysfunction (struggle to get tasks done), Difficulty breathing and talking, Very short stature, and difficulties with my balance. I also stim by pacing around in circles and talking to myself.

🌱 I have a serious fear of heights, partially because of my balance issues. It's so bad that I can't even use stairs without holding onto the railing.

🌱 I know a lot of Home Remedies and Superstitions for like no reason. For instance, did you know that Raspberry Tea helps with Menstrual Pain, or that knocking on wood invokes the protection of the tree spirit and that’s why it’s said to give you luck? I don’t know why I know that, but I do.

🌱 Winning a fight is on my bucket list, but it has to be for a good reason. I’m not one to just pick fights for the sake of fighting, and I’m actually pretty conflict-averse due to trauma, so I need to actually have a solid reason for throwing hands. But I’ve always wanted to do it for some reason.

🌱 I really like studying Witchcraft for some reason. The first spell I ever performed was a Healing Spell to help my friend who was sick with Crohn's Disease. Thirty minutes after performing the ritual, I got a text saying he felt a lot better and he was released from the hospital a couple days later, so I guess it must’ve worked. 😁

🌱 My love language is definitely gift giving. I’m pretty cheap, but I’m also an artist, so when push comes to shove I’ll just make something for someone when I like them. I pay very close attention to what people like because it gives me more ideas on how to interact with them. I’m essentially a large, flightless Crow. You were nice, so you get something shiny. But though I like giving gifts to others, I’m not very materialistic at all. I prefer to be practical when it comes to things, and I get very nervous when spending money on myself.

🌱 I’m an avid writer and am actually planning on publishing a book this summer!

🌱 I LOVE going outside and getting messy. Playing in the mud, getting soaked in the rain, I’m the type to go outside and come back home covered in dirt and twigs. It’s just really fun to me.

🌱 I've been told that I'm a very good cook, and I can bake pretty well too.

🌱 I’ve always wanted to be a really good gardener. My dream house is just covered in flowers and plants and such. I want to live in a Greenhouse, basically.

🌱 I have a habit of giggling to myself just by remembering something funny that happened, even if it was a couple years ago. I also laugh when I do something stupid, because I find my flaws and shortcomings funny for the most part. I love to laugh with people, but never at them.

🌱 I know way too much about Spirits and Fae. My favorite book is called ‘The Encyclopedia of Spirits’ and it shows you how to contact and interact with a ton of different deities and spirits, and I’m addicted to reading it. It’s the best.

🌱 I’m basically like a tiny, less-impressive Aragorn. I love travelling on foot, getting messy outside, I was kind of a Horse Girl as a kid ngl, I’ve always wanted to be a knight or king of some sort, chances are that I haven’t bathed in awhile, and I too would pine for a hot elf girl for literal years on end.

🌱 My closest friends say I give off “Dwobbit” vibes. That’s a ½ Dwarf and ½ Hobbit btw. I’m around 4’ 10” tall, I don’t shave, I love crafting and art, I live in the Mountains, I’m tomboyish but I also love gardening and can be a bit of a homebody, I love going barefoot, etc.

🌱 I really love History, Folklore, Mythology and Fairy Tales. My favorite is the Irish myth of Oisín in Tir Na Nog. Look it up if you don’t know it, it’s a fantastic story. But I also appreciate myths from all sorts of different cultures, like the myth of Annapurna in India or the tale of Princess Kaguya in Japan.

🌱 I’m an Aquarius, INFP and 4w5 if that means anything. For reference, characters who are also 4w5 INFPs include Lydia Deetz (Beetlejuice), Wirt (Otgw), Frankenstein’s Monster, Luna Lovegood (HP), Napstablook (Undertale), Erik The Phantom of the Opera, and Celeste from Animal Crossing. That kinda tells you a lot about me, doesn’t it?

🌱 I am naturally very shy and take awhile to open up to people. I also get flustered very easily and tend to avoid social interaction a lot. I’m a huge introvert, but I also really do love meeting interesting people, so I try to talk to them when I have the energy to.

🌱 I have very long Disheveled brown hair, that actually used to be blonde when I was little, so there’s a few lighter patches in there. It's essentially a fluffy mane at this point, but because of my poor hand-eye coordination I never learned how to braid it. I have really pale skin, with lots of moles, freckles and scabs. It’s also warmer out, so I almost certainly have a farmer’s tan. I have very light blue eyes and glasses.

🌱 I have a habit of seeing shadows move out of the corners of my eyes, frequently mistaking them for people or animals, but when I turn to look there’s nothing there. I’ve gotten my eyesight checked multiple times, but there’s nothing out of the ordinary, so it’s either a lack of sleep, or the Fae are getting antsy with me. Probably the former of course, but part of me would like to believe the latter too.

Sorry the description is so long, I can't wait to see my results! Thanks so much, wishing you the best!!

Hey darling! First, wow that was really long! Sorry for taking so long to make it, as I mentioned before, I'm a fucking procrastinator.

Aragorn

For LOTR, I'm pairing you up with Aragorn.

Aragorn had probably loved you for a really really long time.

But he's extremely patient and careful with you, so it took him a while to confess his love.

When he did, it was kind of overwhelming for you, and you were really doubting the whole thing. But again, he was really patient with you.

Aragorn doesn't cover you in gifts to show his love. He shows it by remembering all those little things that make you you.

The two of you can spend hours telling stories and tales to the other. It's your favorite thing to do together.

He loves that you write and always ask to read your work. Although, he never pushes you and respects you when you refuse.

He knows about every single one of your illnesses and makes sure that you always have what you need.

Bilbo Baggins

For the Hobbit, I picked Bilbo.

Bilbo loves you deeply and truly. He thinks all the things that are annoying to others are what make you the most unique being he has ever met.

He thinks listening to you tell tales is more fascinating than reading.

Most of all, he loves when you read to him the stories that you have created.

Sometimes, your illnesses are a bit complicated for him to understand, but he does his best and listens to your needs.

His favorite thing to do with you is cooking. Sometimes, you will even compete over who is the best cook. Although he admitted more than once that you were.

When you are out gardening, he sits outside with you and watches you. He thinks it's beautiful how hard you work to make his garden look so gorgeous.

He is often insecure about losing you. He is scared that he won't be able to provide you with what you need, or won't be able to show you how much he loves you.

As for you, you fear that one day he might grow tired of you.

But the communication in your relationship is great and your insecurities are even washed away by promises of eternal love.

Again, sorry for the wait! I hope you liked it!

[redwritinghood]

for a lamen writing prompt maybe something like enenmy secret agents or assassins

YES. ngl though kinda gets soft rather than action/adventure-y 

—

A shadow fell over Damen’s desk and he knew he was about to get bad news. Nikandros never loomed behind him to ask what bar they were going to after work.

“What’s up?” Damen turned in his chair and looked up at Nik’s dark expression.

“You’re being taken off field duty,” he said and folded his arms, guarding against Damen’s objections.

“Why?” Damen asked standing.

“Intel has discovered a hit was put out on you and an assassin has already accepted the job.”

“That doesn’t mean I should be taken off field duty,” Damen said.

“Yes,” Nik emphasized his words, “it does.”

“That’s what the person who put the hit out wants. I’m obviously on to something with my case. Besides, I have to go outside at some point, you can’t keep me locked away in the building.”

Nikandros stood firm in his decision, staring Damen down with no chance of relenting.

“Nik—” Damen began.

“Don’t even start.”

“Just let me—”

“No. Desk duty.” Nik ended the conversation by marching away.

The threat was bothersome but Damen determinedly went about his daily schedule. Only under scrutiny did he realize how predictable his routine was. Particularly the mornings. After the gym, he went to the same cafe and made an excellent target when he sat outside to eat his breakfast. There were even tall buildings across the street, an ideal place for a sniper to nest and take him out. This was where Damen would set his trap.

“Damn it, Damen, you aren’t even trying to be careful.” Nikandros’s shadow loomed over Damen’s desk and he turned in his chair to look up at the grumpy expression.

“You said desk duty and I’ve been here, at my desk, for over a week.”

“That doesn’t matter if you’re just going to walk around the city unprotected.” 

“Exactly,” Damen agreed, “I’m more likely to be shot outside of work, so you should probably just let me back on my case.”

For a moment, Nikandros was speechless. “You’re unbelievable. I’ll start having you escorted to and from work in an armored vehicle if that’s what it takes.”

“No thanks, I’ll handle this myself,” Damen said.

“Handle what yourself?” Nikandros asked. His face was darkening to an unhealthy color.

“My assassin,” Damen said. Nikandros opened his mouth then closed it, a vein prominent on his forehead. Damen had mercy, and said, “As in I think after Friday I’ll be working from home.”

Nikandros recovered enough to say, “Fine,” before he stormed off.

Damen had been certain to follow his same routine for a week, most importantly taking his breakfast outside the cafe. Everything else he let vary to be certain the assassin considered the cafe was the best place to strike. Now he just had to force the date and time. Only two days until Friday and Damen continued his morning routine, but was careful when he visited the cafe. One morning he’d been purposefully late so his breakfast went with him to the office, the next day he was fortunate the forecast had been reliable and ate inside to avoid the rain. 

His assassin had to know Friday would be their last chance. The night before, Damen prepared, packing his gym bag differently than normal. His body thrummed with nervous energy. He was excited.

At the cafe, Damen had to plan his moves carefully. His pulse was loud in his ears as he stepped outside claiming his usual table. After setting his breakfast down he re-entered the building hoping it appeared like he planned on returning to his meal and the sniper would wait. Instead, Damen went out the back, pulling his hood over his head he bolted across the street far enough from the cafe to go unnoticed. The schematics for the buildings had been obtained through work and he had used them to memorize the quickest path to the place a sniper would likely set up camp.

The gun came out of the shoulder holster when he was close to where he predicted the sniper would be. The top two floors were empty, closed off for construction until someone bought the office space. The area was plywood walls, with multiple trip hazards, and plastic flapping in the breeze. It was exactly where a movie or tv show would depict a waiting assassin. 

He turned the corner and aimed the handgun at nothing. The space was empty. Damen could barely hear over his heartbeat. His stomach had dropped with disappointment. Carefully he approached one of the open windows where the hot summer air blew in uninhibited. The cafe was easily visible, he could even see a pigeon attacking his breakfast sandwich. This was the best vantage point for a sniper. 

Unless. 

Unless the person he was looking for never did the expected. Damen thought quickly. Where would there be another vantage point? 

There was another spot. The adjacent building had its large industrial AC units on the roof. They would hide a person easily, but the line of sight would be a different angle. Even an experienced marksman would have some difficulty lining up the shot. 

It was loud. The flat rooftop vibrated. The large units and giant exhaust pipes created a maze. Gun still in hand, he approached the probable sniper spot. There wasn’t a clear view, he couldn’t tell if an assassin waited only a few feet away. 

A sharp beam of sunlight reflected into his eyes. He threw up a hand seeing a singular bright spot near the ledge. It was a small mirror. 

Damen’s heart was in his throat. The assassin had been able to see him coming. He turned in time. A figure dressed entirely in black rolled out from behind a vent pipe, rifle braced to the shoulder. Damen dove for cover barely fitting between the metal units. The assassin was swift and nimble, leaping onto the platform above Damen. He grabbed the attacker’s ankle and the body hit with a metallic hollow thump. On his back, he aimed the rifle at Damen’s face. Only a foot away, Damen was able to catch the barrel and redirect it away from his body. Black boots kicked off Damen’s chest, he slid backward off the unit and ripped the rifle from Damen’s grasp. 

There was a glimpse of the figure as the assassin disappeared into another row. Smaller than Damen, he hid easily. Whereas Damen had to crouch down to keep from being seen. The motors from the ACs masked most sounds and unable to rely on sound or vision, Damen had to trust his instincts. 

Just a flash of black was seen from his peripheral, but it gave him enough time to turn and block an assault. Too close to use the rifle like a gun, the assassin had swung it as a club. The blow had landed on Damen’s forearm. It stung but he reached out to catch the black figure. He would undoubtedly have the upper hand in wrestling or hand-to-hand combat. 

His arm was kicked aside, the movement grounded in a martial arts stance. Damen squared-off, a balanced position. The assassin’s face was hidden beneath a black hood so Damen wouldn’t be able to read the expressions and interpret the next move. It came with speed and agility, using the rifle like a bo staff. Damen had to block both the gun and another kick. He tried to snatch the rifle but still held his own gun and only had the one free hand. The assassin was skilled, more acrobatic, using the varying heights of the units to his advantage. It made Damen have to evade spinning kicks at head height. 

It was very impressive. The ninja-like skill of the assassin was a contrast to Damen’s sturdy defense. The only advantage was speed, there wasn’t enough power to do serious harm, and Damen was mostly concerned with the rifle. The enemy was smart, knowing to stay out of reach and use the gun like two separate weapons. It had to be blocked when used as a club and avoided when the barrel pointed at him. All of this was done while fending off the distracting barrage of attacks. 

Damen moved backward, careful of tripping hazards, and eventually stepped into a clearing where he thought he would have the advantage. Damen took the offensive, also experienced in martial arts. His opponent was skilled even without the help of the varying terrain. He moved deftly, skirting the edge of Damen’s reach. He caught the rifle and only had the one hand to hold on with. The assassin tried turning the gun to dislodge Damen’s grip, but he held on. Quickly, he pushed forward, walking the assassin back into a corner, and trapped him against the brick. Damen’s body held him there, unable to escape, the rifle a hard line between them. 

Damen ripped off the hood. Blond hair spilled out into piercing blue eyes. The pale face flushed from exertion. Their bodies pressed together, Damen could feel him trying to catch his breath.

A golden brow lifted, “You’re getting slow.”

“You put a hit out on me?” Damen asked.

“Now you look more important. How many agents can boast an assassination attempt?”

“Laurent,” Damen groaned.

“If I were actually here to kill you, you’d be dead. I know I’m the best but you should be more careful.”

“I was fairly certain it was you.”

“And what if it wasn’t? What were you going to do with that unloaded pistol?”

“You’re carrying around a paintball gun.” Damen released the rifle and so did Laurent. It fell and there were only clothes between them. “There’s a clip in my pocket,” Damen stated.

“That’s something I suppose. Now about your schedule—”

“I know,” Damen said, “I’ll work on that. What else am I doing wrong?”

“You haven’t kissed me yet,” Laurent said, blue eyes bright.

The handgun clattered to the ground. Damen pulled him close with a strong grip on the slim waist. Laurent’s lips parted and eyelashes dipped in anticipation of the kiss. Damen stroked a thumb along his jaw, briefly cementing the moment in his mind before he leaned in to take Laurent’s mouth. Laurent went to his toes, hands traveled up Damen’s arms to circle his neck and bring him closer. 

There was an urgency. A need. It had been too long. Damen couldn’t seem to hold Laurent close enough. He pressed him back into the wall and lifted him with hands beneath his thighs, bouncing him once for a steadier hold. Laurent assisted by wrapping legs around his waist. Damen reclaimed his mouth and Laurent made a soft sound, body arching into Damen’s.  

“I’ve missed you,” Damen breathed, his face turned into the slender neck. 

Laurent’s hands tangled in his hair, the grip almost painful with his fierce hold. “Fuck me,” he said.

“Here? On a rooftop?”

“Yes.”

“We can go to the apartment—”

“Now,” Laurent said, desperation roughening his voice.

“What about—”

Laurent moved his hips, just so, and the air escaped Damen. Leaning in with mouth against his ear he said, “I’ve already prepared.”

Damen nearly fell over. “Okay,” he choked.

—

As an internationally wanted assassin and government secret agent, they tried to not be seen together. Damen took a cab to the apartment. Laurent got there somehow. He was climbing through the window as Damen unlocked the door.

“Perhaps we should hire a maid.” Laurent swiped his fingers across the dusty desk. The apartment was only used when they were both in town, which wasn’t often, it could be a financial drain but was a more reliable hiding place than a hotel.

“Hey, get over here,” Damen said, throwing the blankets off the bed. Laurent complied, smiling as Damen pulled him down into the sheets. It was clumsy at first, with the same rushed need as the rooftop, but this time clothes were coming off. Laurent’s outfit was convoluted and frustrating like always.

“Do you think you’re Batman or something?” Damen grumbled after struggling with knee and elbow pads only to discover wrist sheaths complete with six-inch blades.

“I’d probably look good in a cape,” Laurent said, watching with amusement as Damen fought the buckles and straps. 

There was a pile of weapons when they were finished. Damen knew they would have to sort through them later. It would be very hard to explain how his government-issued firearms had ended up in the hands of an assassin.

—

“I missed you too.” Laurent languidly rolled onto his back, his voice thick with satisfaction.

“How long are you staying?” Damen asked, moving to kiss his bare shoulder.

“I have a plane tomorrow night.”

“That’s not long enough,” Damen groaned, dropping his head into Laurent’s neck.

“I know,” Laurent said, stroking Damen’s hair. “We have Paris in two months.”

“You’re not going to forget?”

“I didn’t forget about New York, I couldn’t make it and I’ve apologized a hundred times. Besides this is our anniversary.” Laurent lifted his hand into the sunlight filtering in through the window. He wore the gold woven band shaped to look like a laurel wreath. Damen's matching ring was worn on a chain around his neck. He wished he could wear it on his hand but no one knew he was married. 

“What’s the gift for five years?” Damen asked.

“Wood,” Laurent replied, still admiring his ring.

“I have that now,” Damen said, rolling over on top of him. 

Laurent snorted, unamused, “While I envy your stamina, you are lacking in wit.” He sat up pushing Damen off. “I need food.”

Once dinner was ordered and delivered, Laurent explained the new pink scar on his bicep and told of his recent adventure in Iceland. Damen suspected he downplayed the violence and danger.

“Where are you going after this?” Damen had settled in behind Laurent, hugging him to his chest face resting against the back of the blond head.

“Home. Briefly.”

“I haven’t been to France since—”

“Since you arrested me?”

“I was going to say since we met,” Damen said. “I didn’t technically arrest you.”

“No, you just cuffed me to a bed.”

“You were being a pain in the ass,” Damen laughed, absently running his knuckles along the naked pale thigh. 

Five years ago, Damen had been given the task of gathering evidence against a corrupt politician, only to constantly have Laurent in his way, even appearing as a waiter at a fundraising event. Threats of incarceration hadn’t frightened him away. At the time if Damen had known who Laurent really was he wouldn’t have simply used threats, but instead thought he was a lackey being used to distract Damen from his case. At the party, the mini-feud had escalated to Damen tying Laurent to a bed, which had escalated to something else. Laurent then shared a partial truth that the corrupt politician was his uncle and he was after him for personal vengeance. A tentative partnership had been formed and from there the chaos had only escalated, ending in a marriage.

For the agency, it was still an open case, and for Laurent, it was his main mission. He had even claimed he would retire afterward and made a joke about becoming a trophy wife. Damen wasn’t optimistic, Laurent liked his adventures and he secretly worried he couldn’t keep him entertained. 

They had fallen into a comfortable silence. While Damen petted Laurent, he removed the chain from Damen’s neck and slipped the ring onto his finger where it belonged. Laurent held his hand next to Damen’s comparing the bands while on the appropriate finger. Endeared by the quiet reverie, Damen held him a little closer.

Laurent turned in his arms, kneeling, face above Damen’s. The cool hands held his face, thumb caressing cheekbones. He looked into Damen’s face the same way he had admired the rings together. Gently he pressed a kiss to Damen’s forehead. The tenderness and adoration of it made Damen’s heart ache.

“I love you,” Laurent said it in his language before he kissed him.

Neither wanted to sleep when they’re time together was so brief, but it went by too quickly anyway and Laurent left the next evening.

—

Damen was sure he remembered there being a newspaper stand near the Eiffel Tower. When he found it, he bought the day's paper and flipped to the story he wanted. A few weeks ago it had been on the front page around the continent. Plane crash over the Meditteranean. Twenty-one dead, thirty-four survivors, six missing. Pictures of the six had made it into the media. After a time, three had been found alive, one dead, with two still missing. The images were still in circulation and Damen found them on page seven. He put a finger over the blond head printed in black and white. 

The face next to Laurent’s was also recognizable. It had been over five years now but Damen knew the flat-nose face of Govart, one of the uncle’s henchmen. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Two months ago, 4am, and wrapped in Damen’s arms Laurent had told him it was almost over, that he was close to finding his vengeance.

When the news first came out and Damen had seen the headline and photo of Laurent on the front page he had quit his job. Laurent was alive. Damen was certain and he would find him.

[soysaucevictim]

Final week of current challenge/program!

-

Nov. 21

I woke up barely before 1PM, today.

After some browsing and while listening to the Final TS YouTube Member Stream...

First, today’s DD. 30 side [elbow] plank knee taps with EC (15/15). Admittedly gotten through by the skin of my teeth and slightly sagging form.

Second, Day 25 of the YAC. 3 sets: 50″ boat pose + 50″ knee hug hold. Definitely taking some digging in. This final week is going to really kick my ass, I can tell. (As is frequently the case with these things.)

Last, Day 25 of TEN. Tendon Strength day. Counted 5 sets completed within time, +1 more overtime (to even things out at 3/3). Very manageable work.

I then got some dishes done and made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Chicken sausage and tomato risotto. It had lemony zucch ribbons, but one of them didn’t survive shipping too hot. I personally liked it and it was okay/accessible for pops. Never had zucch this way (marinated & uncooked), but I rather liked it (I ate all of it myself d/t dad’s dental situation and bro’s past complaints about sourness in things)!

Hit the showers and spent most of my night chatting and making Incorrect Sanders Sides Quotes from Metalocalypse. Which was pretty fun, ngl.

Got to bed in the red zone again, roughly same time as yesterday.

-

Nov. 22

I somehow woke up before 11AM... even tho that meant I was undersleeping by a few hours.

Spent time browsing before getting in my workout pretty early.

First, today’s DD. 2′ butt kicks with EC. I counted 250 reps, happy I maintained a bit above a steady 2/sec pace. I was re-listening to Inverness’s “Lost My Mind“ as BG noise. That song had a great and sustainable tempo to work along.

Second, Day 26 of the YAC. 3x50″ supermen holds, 50″ rest. Similar feelings as yesterday - things are getting pretty tough!

Last, Day 26 of TEN. Cardio day (and/or abs). I counted exactly 7 sets completed withing time. I kinda upped the pace in the latter 2 sets to try to gt all 7 in time. I did opt for stepping in/out of plank rather than jumping - just because of my energy levels. The up and downs were pretty tough - and plank rotations the least fun to do. Think there was a typo too and was told to always go by illustration > text. So I did plank jacks not plank kicks, too.

Spent good deal of rest of night chatting, watching Back to The Future with a friend, and other miscellany.

Got to bed a bit earlier than yesterday.

-

Nov. 23

I woke up a bit before noon.

After a bit of the usual and some errands, I did my exercise fairly early today.

First, today’s DD. 1′ hollow hold with EC. Intense, but manageable work. The minute felt a bit shorter than I expected today. Maybe because I was excited about a delivery I was expecting to arrive later.

Second, Day 27 of the YAC. 3 sets: 50″ boat pose + 50″ knee hug hold. Still a bit tough, but happy I could get through it.

Last, Day 27 of TEN. Cardio day. I counted 8 sets completed within time, +1 more overtime. I was mostly done with that last one by the time the chimes sounded. Noted a bit of complaining in left ankle and right knee - but I tried to mind how I made the impacts. Guts weren’t super happy and distracting - but I enjoyed it otherwise.

Made the family some dinner, installed that SSD with the tool kit that arrived today (which was a bit nerve-wracking, didn’t want to break or fry anything in the new laptop), and spent rest of night working on setting it up (while also chatting).

Got to bed a couple hours later than yesterday.

-

Nov. 24

I woke up after 11AM.

Spent a few hours setting up the new computer further and some dishes, before today’s exercise..

First, today’s DD. 2′ skiers with EC. I counted 85 reps by the end of it. Given the ROM of these, it was physically a challenge to get all that close to 1/sec. Regardless, a fun one.

Second, Day 28 of the YAC. 3x50″ supermen holds, 50″ rest. This took some doing - might’ve been made a bit tougher after all those skiers (which kinda has a deadlift action to it - as far as the lower back muscles are concerned.)

Last, Day 28 of TEN. Arm day. I barely managed exactly 15 sets in the duration - kinda sped up that last one to get it done in time. Tough, but not too shabby!

Spent a good chunk of the night getting the new computer set-up for art streaming. Me and friend eventually hit a soft wall for energy to go forward with that that night. Spent rest of it chatting and the usual BS.

Got to bed a little earlier than yesterday.

-

Nov. 25

I woke up after 11AM. Grossly underslept.

Got to group again today. I was there early so I threw down a couple sentences into that fic while I waited in the meeting room. Group went well enough, talked about grounding stuff.

Got home and did my exercises shortly after.

First, today’s DD. 10 cross tricep extensions with EC. I fully admit my form was a bit sloppy, but acceptable. I know you should drive the action equally between the arms, but I often leaned into one side to start the action before drawing on the other arm more.

Second, Day 29 of the YAC. 3 sets: 1′ boat pose + 1′ knee hug hold. That got pretty brutal, but I’m happy I was able to get through all the sets without dropping.

Last, Day 29 of TEN. Ab day. I counted 7 sets with in time, and 1 extra overtime. Neck was happy it could take a break for this sequence.

I then made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Thai ginger curry. I was pretty much the only one who liked it (but then I do enjoy curry.) Probably won’t see a reprisal anytime soon.

I spent rest of day in kind of an overtired haze (with some Thanksgiving anxiety in the mix). Mostly the usual stuff and chatting.

Given how exhausted I was, I have no idea WHY I stayed up to around the same hour as last night.

-

Nov. 26

I woke up proper around 2PM.

I’m glad I elected to stay home for Thanksgiving today (and that Dad decided to stay too, he definitely thought Grandpa crossed a line last time I was over there.) Bro brought home some of what grandma made for the family, though.

Anyways, after some YouTube + Tumblr stuff, did my exercises...

First, accidentally redid yesterday’s DD because [stress] brain thought it was the 25th still. :P

Second, Day 30 of the Yoga Abs Challenge. 3x1′ supermen holds, 1′ rest. I made the dubious choice of eating some of the Thanksgiving dinner today. Did contend with a lil bit of heartburn after set 2, but I’m happy I could get through it.

Third, Day 30 of the TEN Program. Tendon strengthening day. I counted at least 3 completed circuits, maybe the 4th was within time. But my computer display went to sleep and didn’t hear the chimes before confirming timer was stopped.

Last, today’s DD. 1′ toe tap hops with EC. I counted 92 reps by the time was up - hovering at 1.5/sec. Not too shabby, was tempted to try to hit 2/sec, but at the rate I was going at, i didn’t feel up for it today. A pretty fun little exercise.

Did some dishes, spent time chatting and watching some stuff with a friend. Did a little bit of writing too.

I got to bed later than yesterday.

-

Nov. 27

I woke up after 11AM.

After some YouTube, I did my only intended exercise for the day (active rest day) - today’s DD. 20 up/down planks with EC. Wearing long sleeves always helps. Took a bit of grit - but mission accomplished.

I spent some time archiving my fitness blogging again.

Then I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Mozzarella and herb chicken. This was an enjoyable one for the family. I also appreciated that it was mostly a “set it and forget it“ kinda recipe too. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to babysit the meal so much and chill. (Especially on low energy days.)

After some of the usual, I did some dishes and updated my sleep data logs and revised some of the fitness archive. Spent rest of night chatting about that and about writing stuff.

I got to bed a little earlier than yesterday.

-

Summary of Experience:

I completed my challenge and program on the 26th.

The Yoga Abs Challenge started to really kick my butt in the last week - but I’m glad I got through it. The boats were a little relaxed (knees bent) - but no less a cakewalk. Though specified otherwise, I’m kind of glad I did this before my main workout. (Probably would’ve dropped earlier on the ab days, that’s for sure!)

I really enjoyed going through the TEN Program! It was fun to try to challenge myself to get as many circuits/sets in those ten minutes as I could. My numbers (minimum completed in time; might be worth charting this data by category of WO - such as “cardio” vs “arm” days):

3 sets: 2 days

5 sets: 7 days

6 sets: 4 days

7 sets: 7 days

8 sets: 3 days

9 sets: 3 days

12 sets: 1 days

14 sets: 1 days

15 sets: 2 days 

And I counted 16 days where I did at least one extra set overtime, either for symmetry (especially in the cases of “tendon strengthening” days) or because I was mostly done with it before the chimes sounded!

[itsakpopalypse]

Lou/Kim Hosung Astrology: How He Loves

OML he’s so precious i wanna squish his cheekies

As always 18+ under the cut

“omg i loved your astrology ask - romantic breakdown with Ayno so much! Can I get one for Lou, please?😊” - @randomkpopfiction

A/N I'm so happy to hear you’ve been enjoying my posts ! Here you go , I hope that you like it !!

Let’s talk tall boi

okay so his big 3 by our best estimation is Aries Rising, Sagittarius sun and Taurus moon, 2 fire and an earth

His chart lean is pretty evenly split between fire and earth, with one more earth and one air. no water whatsoever

that’s notable because water is the emotional element, so that suggests he isn’t prone to big emotional driven actions

we will get into that more as we go 

it’s just something that sets the tone of his chart

also his perfect split between mutable and cardinal suggests he can take the lead or be incredibly adaptable

so he actually seems very chill just looking at those facts 

for the romance-y stuff lessgo

Aries are confident go-getters, so he will seem pretty sure of himself in all situations

whatever he does he puts his WHOLE DAMN ASS INTO IT

we do not half ass anything in this house we whole ass it

can be a little brash, but his moon will help stop that from being too prominent since Taurus is basically the slowest moving most careful earth sign. 

since Aries is a cardinal sign though, he may seem a little intense and take charge in situations where others don’t seem to have their stuff together

Sun in Sagittarius, he is adventurous, lacks fear, and longs for intellectual insights, like he will ask you so many questions and fire back anything he thinks fits his own life

is really interesting to converse with

probably really laid back but still willing to talk to anyone

the kind of person who could make friends anywhere and with anyone

probably super curious and less cautious than he should be 

Taurus moon is affectionate but a bit shy and likes things to be very familiar

they are generally uncomfortable with change so his sun is a great balance to push him into more outgoing settings and to try new things

even if his moon will be a little filled with butterflies 

aw im soft

since your moons is the depth of your feelings he is steadfast and intentional

slow moving but once he has chosen for himself it is his focus

he will be a steady and reliable partner, but still be fun and spontaneous since his sun is so fiery. 

honestly looking through this chart I’m like he would be anyone's coolest best friend and just vibe in the most interesting way what a neat person?? where do i get one ???

let’s translate these and his other signs into a relationship starting with 

FLUFF

listen Sagittarius is the peter pan right? 

he doesn't WANNA grow up 

he wants to experience life and DO THINGS

but his Taurus moon will probably make him shy away even though his heart is BURSTING OKAY

Taurus is also one of the more artistic minded and sensual signs 

so he is creative and romantic and probably loves a cheesy rom com with cuddles

you may have to encourage his courageous side when emotions hit but you may have to chill him out where danger is involved

since his Mercury is Capricorn which is the cardinal of earth he will be really smart about his communication

so he will think things out well and be incredibly clever and quick witted

it suggests his humor is a bit sarcastic and savage and honestly 

like i consider Cap the most ‘millennial’ humor 

as in sarcasm and self deprecation 

but since that Aries stands proud he will probably still simultaneously know he’s pretty fantastic

like he knows he is awesome but also judges himself really hard probably

Venus in Sagittarius so this is interesting

of the fire signs it’s kind of more reserved romantically

Has REALLY high standards when it comes to what he wants in a relationship and intends for them to be met

not like how you look or sound or whatever

but will not tolerate disrespect of degradation on either side

has a lot of pride in keeping his relationships solid and communicative

an enthusiastic speaker, once he has set you as a comfortable person to communicate with he will lean into that and probably has a zillion incredibly interesting things he has pondered over about life and love that he wants to have deep conversations about

he would be the coolest to have talks about really relative things

might need some pushing if you want to discuss emotions 

that Taurus moon will win out only if you nourish and validate his feelings

so if you meet and he likes you somewhere a long the line, it will be a push and pull between Sagittarius wanting to love everyone and Taurus wanting to be sure of someone

the philosopher mind of a Sagittarius will draw him to you platonically and if you are affectionate, steady and warm his Taurus will basically flop down like a huge dog and beg for pats-metaphorically

His venus suggests that he would love to entice you with his wit, his spontaneity and his laughs,

He knows he is charming and full of life and he will use it against you 

and probably tease the ever living shit out of you for it

say he is cracking jokes or being adorable and you stare at him fondly, or giggle at a joke

he will be playful back

expect him to call you out

he is going to say something like “Oh I know I am beautiful but you’ll wear my face out staring like that.” with a wink

honestly a little shit sometimes wtf

doesn’t get jealous and doesn’t tolerate jealousy

so if you start as friends it will be this seamless fit into his friend group and he won’t even care if Ziu lays all over you or whatever

it won’t even seem abnormal to him even if he likes you

in fact he will probably just join the cuddle huddle or make sarcastic jokes about it

Sagittarius venus love fun and new experiences but they are not about to enjoy a shallow relationship

expect him to solidify boundaries and ask you out officially pretty quickly 

They are not a flighty sign even though they are a bit in the clouds sometimes 

the love an intense and passionate love and will not settle for less

Get you those healthy boundaries Lou

so i imagine as adventurous but thoughtful as his blend of signs is, especially with a Virgo Mars

he is going to think of the most interesting and sincere way to ask you out

maybe plan a day trip somewhere special

idk a hike or the beach or something 

and after he’s spent the entire day building memories with you 

he will ask you if you want to keep making these memories

maybe show you a little album on his phone of the selfies he’s taken with you for the last few months

wow soft and cute i love it 

and if you say yes he is going to start by being like oh yeah okay cool

then he will walk a few steps away and turn his back and start freaking out about how happy he is

a bouncy giggle mess over there and you’re like.... are you okay

he’s like.... *cough* yes I am FINE

sure you are

his north nodes is Libra so he is likely to need you around as he accomplishes goals

basically he wants to experience life with you and not separate from you and will work to make sure those goals align with each other

probably neither against nor particularly for public displays of affection

it will matter most to him that you are there with him, and if you want to add affection into it he won’t be opposed

but expect snark

“If you need to hold on to me you can.”

I also see him as the type to fall asleep on you during movies and really relish if he wakes up still in your arms

really low key affection is his thing

probably writes i love you on your leg with his finger when you are in the car or around people but he doesn’t wanna shout it out

likes to put his chin on your head and kiss the top of your head so gently

gently cups the side of your face and stares into your eyes all dreamy 

HAND KISSES

so cute I’m soft 

soft hours are closing

18+  below the cut

must he do this I’m scared

WOOOP 

spicy talk 

INTENSE

playful but intesnse

Sagittarius are exploratory signs  so that will probably make it into the bedroom ngl

like they like new experiences

so he is going to be learning things and sitting you down to talk about hard yes’s and no’s

we stan healthy communcation

maybe a little switchy?

I think he prefers to be in charge of your pleasure but I think he would be down to try laying back and letting you take the reins

to be honest he seems like he would really be into blindfolding ?

like blindfold him and tell him he has to make you cum but he has to do it with just his hands

jfc those hands i think you’ll be okay

lives for excitement and trust in a relationship

it has to go both ways, the Taurus moon demands it

he wants you to trust him with your whole being and he will give that in return

he wants you to be greedy with your own pleasure

“Touch yourself for me baby, I wanna see you”

looks at you like a work of art he wants to paint with his hands and tongue and cum

probably nasty but in the absolute most intimate way

hey you know what he sounds like saying give me more already I expect that’s what you hear after your third orgasm sorry I don’t make the rules

with a Virgo mars (his actions) mixed with so much Sagittarius expect him to treat you like his own personal experiment

really wants you to be as vocal about it as he is 

communicate what you like and don’t

wants you to ride him so he can watch you and comment on how beautiful you are

“you want me to fuck you hard you have to earn it.”

teasing little shit i stg

the Taurus makes me think he is kind of really intimate about it all

the kind of guy who might spank you , but will massage it gently after, 

holds onto the back of your neck and pulls you into his thrusts 

probably furrows his brow in concentration

and he has this like.. excitable side with all this fire energy that makes me feel like he gets really energetic about the whole ordeal

like he is SO AMAZED you are letting him touch you that he just kinda 

implodes

probably makes the softest little groans when you run your nails down his chest

wants to be marked in places no one else can see

doesn’t think of it as ownership or “marking” in  a traditional way

thinks of it as little reminders on his skin for only you two to know about 

that’s kinda beautiful tbh 

aftercare is probably haphazard but it will involve a lot of touching,

like none of his signs are particularly care-taker-ey 

but he will be sure you get lots of affection after more intense sessions so  you feel loved and protected

probably kisses your face all over and pulls you into an embrace

mumbles about your future together as you fall asleep 

it’s really cute aw

TWO MORE MEMBERS and both have been requested, expect them soon!

thank you for requesting and while I have a few more astrology posts and one request for a short story coming down the pipeline, I also have a oneshot I wrote on my own and am currently editing coming. Expect some stuff!!

Requests are open !

[my-arlington-academia]

I'm super late and sorry for ruining the good mood after the awesome new sprites reveal! Note: some of this was written before the reveal and some after

(It turned out so long, longer than my school essays and I might've made some wording/formulation mistakes so sorry again.)

Hey so I kind of really have a deep hatred for drama but at the same time I want to talk about what ""happend"" recently because a big part of it seems a bit like BS to me.

(I'm on the SE developers' side btw so if I say something that might offend you I think it's best not to read)

Okay, basically there was some writing for the original chapter 7 "leaked" by a person who was on the team but left months ago and while it didn't seem like that big of a deal at first after hearing both sides of the story I have a bit of a clearer image. So what's written there is what chapter 7 was supposed to be like however it's clear now that the current chapter 7 will have nothing to do with this. Buuut there's a problem there, not going into the whole contract thing (yet) I'd like to say that it doesn't make sense from Cecile's side to call this JUST a fanfiction.

Normally it wouldn't be a problem but what's written there was at some point supposed to be canon, right? This writing is coming from someone who has an insider's perspective unlike us, "outsiders" who were never on the team and have no idea about how the plot is/was supposed to go. A fanfic is, may I quote, "fiction written by a fan of, and featuring characters from, a particular TV series, film, etc." Thus the whole contract thing doesn't matter in that statement since the person/people who wrote this aren't fans, they're people who were on the SE development team.

And so I read the thing (ngl, it was mainly because I was really curious and wanted to see what it was all about) and tbh I can understand Serena's annoyance towards it. I mean, it contains some info on the characters. Info we've never heard of before (and I'm not gonna talk about it just in case some people decided not to read it because I respect that) while most of those were just small glimpses into their personalities/hobbies/background and it didn't seem like there was anything plot heavy, or nothing that I've noticed is supposed to be important for later, it still doesn't change the fact that these informations are canon, right?

I suppose Serena must've read it at some point and approved the writing though that's just speculation on my part.

So long story short, what was posted isn't really a fanfic but more like the plot of an old chapter that got either delayed to a later chapter or like... completed deleted since they left the team and the layout of the chapter is now out to the public so I highly doubt Serena is gonna post something similar to this, or at least if she's still planning on making a Halloween chapter then maybe she'll change how the story was supposed to play out?

Tbh I feel like it would've been smarter to ask first if they can publish the copy of the chapter instead of making a big ruckus out of it. This could've been easily avoided but then again I don't know if they left the team on good terms, not that this part is any of my business though.

Anyway, so then we have the whole "she didn't give us a contract to sign" argument which is... uh, I mean, what did you expect?

SE development started back in 2015 correct? So it's been around 4 years and we're only on chapter 6. Why? Because making the game isn't their full time job and they made that clear multiple times in the past. Besides, correct me if I'm wrong, but 4 years ago wasn't Serena like in her late teens/early twenties or something? I know it might seem cheap to pull out the legendary "she was young" argument but tbh I'm in high school and never have I imagined or taken seriously the thought of making an indie game. If like, next month I decided to do it and found some people who are down for making some assets for the game then a legal contract would literally be the last thing I would think about.

Besides it's not like Serena has ever been secretive about the things she thought were necessary to tell the fandom, or at least I don't get the feeling that she has. Do y'all really imagine her being like "muhahaha! I'm not gonna make a contract with them so I can freely use their work!" ???

The thing with a contract is that it's not only good for the employees but also for the employer if the workers ever do something that they weren't supposed to (like now). And she's not planning on taking "legal" action anyway because like she said, nothing good will come out of it and she technically doesn't have a "right" to do so.

And let's just be realistic here for a second, okay? Like do you guys really think that they're earning a whole lot thanks to sweet elite? There's barely 18k accounts on the site and I'm pretty sure that most of those are doubles or triples in order to go through different routes. Also, we don't know how much of those accounts belong to active players on the game. There's many people out there who play like the first 2 chapters and never touch the game again because they'd rather watch a let's play or they dropped the game. And amongst the people who do play sweet elite regularly (as in, they log in everyday and play the new chapter when it's out) how many people is there who have ever paid for energy? The thing is that the game is still in it's early stages, there's not many chapters yet so it's easy to catch up quickly and tbh their energy system is pretty generous. You receive 5 points per day but you can also use coins to exchange them for energy (which is what most people do in order to catch up).

So point is, I'm pretty sure they don't gain a lot of money out of it and almost all of the work they do, they do it for free in their free time because they like making the game.

So I dunno, it might be pretty shitty of me and naive to think about it in this way but tbh I feel like it was kind of obnoxious of them to just, y'know. Leave because "there's no contract and we're not making any money out of this" then come back months later to post something that we weren't supposed to see and complain about the fact that their writing and sprites are getting used in chapter 6. Like?? I think it's quite clear that the team is planning on replacing all of the sprites and as for the writing what do you expect them to do? Go through every single chapter again and add words to each sentence, replace some words with synonyms and reformulate everything so it can't be considered your writing anymore? That's kinda dumb and a waste of time.

Could've they replaced all the old illustrations first and then posted the episode? Yes but how much time would it have taken? They'd have to make the new artists overwork and they don't have a way to pay them much all at once. Sweet Elite will be around 50 chapters and it's an episodic type of game in which assets get replaced and added as time goes on because if they did everything in one go then there would be almost no time to update the story.

I can't even pretend to understand because quite frankly I'm not an artist, but I CAN at least understand the feeling of wanting to be reconized for the things I do and for the work I put into things. Who wouldn't?

Plus, to be fair I don't think that there's any shame in wanting to be paid for a job but is making Sweet Elite a job? Not completely. Not yet at least. Right now it's more of a part time job/hobby and it's totally okay to quit when you don't feel like working on it anymore. However if the money and the compensation aspect of making it was so important then wouldn't it have been better to say "Sorry, but I refuse to work on this until I sign a contract" right off the bat rather than feeling like you're not appreciated enough and complain about it months later like a really salty potato chip?

Not making a contract, while being a mistake on Serena's part, she never tried to pretend it wasn't. In fact she affirms that she has made many errors and again, like I said earlier a contract is beneficial to both the employees AND the employer so had she been more careful it wouldn't have played out this way. We don't even know the circumstances and her point of view of that whole contract thing, maybe she just thought that it would be better to not make one in order to keep the workers free to leave in any given moment because she knew that she wouldn't be able to pay them enough?

I saw some people in the tags being like "look guys, this is why I don't support sweet elite anymore and why you shouldn't too!" Which is tbh a pretty simple minded way of looking at it. I guess we, as the pitiful hoomans we are, we're more inclined on taking the side of the "weakest" group which means the people who left the team because there was apparently some ""injustice"" but the more I look into it and the more it seems like it was a big misunderstanding.

Dulcet games is so new do you expect to get paid hundreds/thousands for an indie game with a small following in which even the "boss" isn't getting any/much money out of it? Oh, and there's also some being super vocal about leaving because "Cecile's art was the only thing keeping me from leaving" which... lmao. Take it in a humorous tone please but It's like a customer in Walmart saying that they won't come back again because the fancy red t-shirts from the clothing section are gone. Idk man. You can say whatever you want about the team behind SE but I still stand by the belief that it's a great game with good writing and progressive characters. And all the things Serena did so far seem like pretty logical courses of action especially in this situation or am I wrong? Is Serena secretly evil guys? Were we fooled all along.,.,,..,

(Sorry this post started out so serious and ended so stupid, I'm just unable of writing about really seriousssss topics. Serious with 5 Ss because it's so seriousssss. Also did you notice that this whole thing is obvious and dumb if you think about it for longer than 1 minute? The moment someone says they don't get paid for something everyone flips over but the true question is, did they have the means of paying you at that time? Everybody is so quick to jump on Serena's throat without thinking and it's kinda sad. We're so superficial, like if money is mentionned ONCE in a drama suddenly everyone ascends to their most sensitive state of bitterness. As far as we know Serena never forced anyone to stay on the team and it's no secret that she doesn't get much money ESPECIALLY for an indie game company. It doesn't seem like they didn't want to pay them but more like they couldn't afford to at that time and everything wasn't set up in place yet.)

[bluesfm]

(  park  chaeyoung  ,  twenty two  ,  &  cisfemale  )  who  ?  these  days  ,  it’s  all  about    blue hyong,  who  comes  from    los  angeles  &  ca    and  is  making  headlines  as  a    singer    .    she   currently  has  a  fan  count  of  42k    ,  no  thanks  to  the  rumors  of  them  being  inflexible  !  but  ,  on  the  other  hand  ,  their  most  devout  fans  say  they’re  actually    imaginative    .  last  i  heard  ,  they  caused  quite  a  buzz  when    she   publicly   dissed    her  new   record    label  and   the   misogynistic  treatment   she  was   receiving   from   their  reps  !  it’s  no  wonder  they  remind  me  of    long   rants   in  the  notes  app   being  posted   to  her   twitter  account  ,  empty  bottles   of  wine  laying  at   recording   studios’   floors   &  notebooks   upon  notebooks   filled  with   lyrics   she  might   never  use   but   refuses   to   let   go  of   .  

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a  dumb  noodle  from  the  middle  of  the  south  american  jungle  , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue  who’s  a muse i have had  for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the  same  messy  bitch  on the  inside  don’t  worry  folks !  so   i  will   provide  u w/  some  background  info  on   her  n  some   possible connections  under   the  cut . issa  lil messy  but  we’ve   been  away  for  a while   pls  bear  w me

blue  is  the  only  daughter  to  a  couple   of  south  korean  immigrants  that  came  to   america  when  they  were  in  their  very  early  20s  n  already  expecting  blue  in  order  to  chase  the  american  dream  n  create  a  better  life  for  themselves  n  their  family  .  their  life  was  pretty  hard  for  a  big  part  of  blue’s  childhood  ,  while  they  were  both  studying  n  working  odd  jobs  to  pay  for  their  education  all  the while  taking  care  of  a child .  so  blue  didnt  have  the  best  childhood  ,  not  that  her parents  were  bad  or  anything  they  just  didnt  have  time  for  her  . nowadays  ,  they  are  a  lot  more  comfortable  in  life  ,  since  her  dad  became  a  lawyer  n  her  mom  is  a  nurse  ,  but  they  definitely  didnt  have  an  easy  beginning  .

ok  so  maybe  bc  they  werent  present  durant  most  of  her  childhood  they  didnt  notice  a  lol  of  signs  that  might  have  made  things  a  lot  easier  for  them  ,  bc  by  the  time  they  were  available  to  emotionally  be  there  , during  her  early  teenage  years ,  blue  was  already  kinda  a  mess . she  had  grown  up  w  very  lil  structure  n  refused  the  rules  they  tried  to  instill  on  her  n  was  already  used  to  doing  things  her  own  way  .  that  lead  to  a  lot  of  conflict  between  them  ,  since  they  expected  her  to  study  hard  n  do  well  for  herself  in  a  nine to fiver  when  she  was  already  sure  art  was  the  only  way  to  go  n  while  she  did  ok  ,  she  definitely  wasn’t  as  good  as  her parents  expected  her  to  be .

so  ...  u  know   her  teenage  yrs  were  basic  girl  angsty  she  fought  a  lot  w  her  parents  n  rebelled  frequently  n  ran  away  from  home  like  ...  weekly  ,  but  she  never  rly  had  any  real  hardships  .  life  was  reasonably  good  but  she  always  had  something  to  complain  abt  ...  just  as  she  liked

[  MENTAL  ILLNESS  TW  ]

but  then  she  reached  her  late  teens    they  all  realized  there  was  something  going  on  other   than  the  usual  teenage  angst  she  displayed  all the time  when  she  had  her  first  manic  episode  .   her  parents  thought  it was  a  “  blue  thing  “  at  first  bc  she  was  usually  a  very  impulsive  person  n  she  rly  didn’t  have  a  habit  of  thinking  before  acting  on  her  impulses  ,   but  her  mom  quickly  noticed  the  signs  of  a  manic  episode  when  she  realized  how  aggitated  n   restless  she  was  , specially  when  blue  described  an   hallucination  she  seemed  to  be  having  .   they  took  her  to  a  psychiatrist  ,  she  was  admitted  to  a  hospital  n  diagnosed  w  type 1  bipolar  disorder  n  very  quickly  medicated .  while  the  medication  brought  her  out  of  her  episode  ,  n  she  was  allowed  to  go  home  after  her  mood  seemed  to stabilize  ,   blue  also  noticed  it  stunted  her  severely  emotionally  n  decided  (  against  medical  n  parental  advice  [  pls  dont  do  it  fam  !!  take  ur  meds  ]  )  to  quit  her  medication  ,  falling  into  her  first  major  depressive  episode  a  few  weeks  afterwards  . n  for  abt  four  years  she’s  been  living  w  her  disorder  ,  n  she  doesn’t  medicate  at  all  .  she’s  super  open  abt  her struggles  n  she  has  a  Lot  of  them  ,  specially  w  how  much  drugs  n  alcohol  she  consumes  .   i  never  said  she  was  smart  yall  .

[  END  OF  TW  ]

ok  so  as  u  probably  assume  ,   blue  is  an  emotional  mess  .  she  has  a   very  chaotic  personality  ,  n  most  of it  isnt  even  from  her  illness or  anything  she  just  is  a  very  chaotic  person  in  general  ?  she  is   one  of  those  artsy  ppl  who  forgets  to  wash  her  own  clothes  so  she  ends  up  wearing  the  same  dress for  like  ,  3 days .  she’s  super  outspoken  n  outgoing  n  rly easy  at  making  friends  if  u  can  get  past  the  dumbass energy  she  exudes 24/7  ?  but  yes  just  a  very  outgoing  person  n  a  outright  mess  most  of  the  time  .  she  is  also  soooo stubborn  u  will  never  get  her  to  change  her  mind  abt  smth  she  believes  to  be  right  about  in  any  way  .  u  just  cant  .  she  loves  a  good  time  n  loves  partying  n  is  the  lack  of  impulse  Queen  soo if  u  got  any  bad  ideas  she  is  the  one   u  should  go  for  if  u  need  any  company  .  also .... so dramatic  .  she  makes  a  big  deal  of  everything  n  has  0  apologies  abt  that  .  just  catch  her  crying  over  high  school  musical  3  or  smth  like  that  .

but  yea  on  the  bad  side  tho  ,  blue  takes  up  n  gives  up  on  projects  so  easily  n  she  can  be  super  fickle  abt  things  in  general  .  like  ,  she  will  defend  an  idea  for  7  hours  but  2  days  later  she’s  already  onto  smth  else  n  doesnt  even  remember  being  so  obsessive  abt  that  other  thing  ?  a  mess .  is  also  Quite  abrasive  ?  if  she  thinks  ur  acting  dumb  shes  not  gonna  be  scared  to  call u  out  on  it  .  can  also  have a  Reaally  explosive  temper  .  not  usually  but  specially  during  manic  episodes  she  can  be  quite  easy  to  annoy  ngl  .  is  very  unreliable  ,  especially  if ur not  too  close  ..  tbh  that  is  something  connected  to  her  disorder  .  when  she’s  on  a  manic  episode  ,  she  will be  too busy  planning  things  she  will  never  get  around  to  doing  or  painting  her  entire  house  or  spending  3  days  awake  n  drunk  writing  17  songs  by  herself  .  n  during  her  depression  is  very  hard  to  get  her  to  do  anything  n  even  if  she  feels  terrible  , she  rly  cant be  an  available  friend  .

in  regards  to  her  sexuality  ,  she’s  an  open  bisexual  and   also  is  a  crazy  romantic  n  falls  so  hard  for  literally  no  reason .  but  like  ...  doesnt  have  the  healthiest  mentality  for  relationships  ?  not  like  in  a  toxic  way  but  she  will usually  give  145%  of  herself  at  all times  n  honestly  believes  all  of  the  ppl  she  falls  for  are  the one (1)  just  wants  to  make  things  work  no  matter  what  .  she’s  v  impulsive  w/  meeting  n  falling  for  ppl  tho  so  things  dont  rly  end  up  working  n  she  always  ends  up  heartbroken  over it  .  Well  .  At least she’s  trying  right  ?

in regards  to  her  career  n  art  , she’s  posted  youtube  covers  n  original  songs  for  a  couple  years  and  gathered a  decent  following  ?  she  wasnt  huge  or  anything  but  she  did  get  a  record  deal  w  an  actual  big  label  out  of  it  a  few  months  ago  .  blue  was  pretty  happy  abt  it  but  then  when  the  recording  process  started  she  realized  they  werent  treating  her  as she  thought  she  deserved  at  all  ?  which  resulted  on her  taking  her  thoughts  to  some  reps  of  the  label  n  when  she  didn’t  feel  any  difference  in  the  way  she  was  being  treated  she  took  it  to  the public  ?  which  definitely  caused  quite a  sitr  bc  she  wasn’t  a  huge  name  but  she  was  big  enough  ?  so  now  she’s  in  some  considerable  trouble  w  her  label  but  Also  more  famous  than  ever  so  they  are  choosing  not  to  bury  her  for  now  ?  she’s  in  some  definite  trouble  though  so  it’ll  be  fun  to  see  what  happens  next  n  what  her  moves  will be  ?  spoiler  alert :  it’ll prob  be  smth  dumb.

i  still have  so  much  to  say  but  i’m  so lazy  wow .  dont  start  ur  intros  so  close  to opening  time  folks  thats  my  tip  as  an  old  internet  auntie  .  OK SO  ONTO  SOME  CONNECTIONS  NOW  

some label  mates  who  she  may  or  may  not  get  along  with  ?

hookups !!  she  prob  has  a  few  she  regrets  too   bc  who  doesnt  am i  right

best  friends !!  ppl  who  actually  support  her  n  she  loves  w  no restrictions  just  love  all  around  friends

exes </3  not  gonna  lie  i  have  some  sad  ideas  abt  this  one

good  influence  bc  blue  is  a  mess she  needs  one  of  those  pls  someone  slap  her  head  n  make  her  drink  some  water

a  fling  she  has  feelings  for  but  may  not  be  requited  ...  i  like  my  romantic  connections  to  be  angsty  did yall  notice

artistic  soulmate  !!  someone  her  artistic  bitch  side  just  vibes  with  ?  could  be  a  songwriter  or  singer or  anything  tbh

some   indecisive  romantic   shit where blue rly  knows  sh’s  too messy  n  this  person  is too amazing ?  but  they still  have  feels  so   ... now  what ?

this is  p  mcuh  it ??  it  has  taken so long  to  finish  this  i  hate  myself  but  HEY  if  u  like  blue  or  dislike  her  u  should  hit  me  up  so  we  can  come  up  w  some  plot  ideas  ?  i wish  i  had  a  quirky  goodbye  idea  but  my  brain  has  just  quit  working  guys  so  u  get  nothing  from  me  other than  a  good  old  fashioned goodbye  thanks  for ur  attention  i  love u

[freewheelshippin]

30 utapri questions!

Thanks @dekiaibadchoices​ for the tag, this was an awesome way to wind down after a ton of nonstop busy busy busy!!! (and thanks for tagging this blog vs the general utapri one so i can REALLY gush LOL) Here’s the OG meme! 

1. Your best boy?

BANANAMAN RAN WHO ELSE  

2. Your least favorite boy?

“least favorite” implies dislike which...not true! truthfully it’s much of HEAVENS by nature of ‘I haven’t spent as much time getting to know these characters so I don’t really know who they are.’ (though I already know I love to go for drinks and snacks with Van hehe) i do like all of HEAVENS quite a bit from what i’ve seen so far but that affection has not had time to ripen! 

3. A character that you never thought you would love as much as you do now?

mnmnj ranran tbh 

4. A character you can relate to in any way?

I can’t answer everything with Ranmaru but like. His ambition, straightforwardness, and how the soul and spirit of music motivate him to move forward beyond a tough past are things I same hat so much ;; But HONESTLY I also relate a lot to Masa and Tokiya, especially in their moments of self-doubt and dramatic commitment to to their art? 

5. A character that you think deserves more love?

Oh, Cecil, without a doubt. He’s such a resilient, committed, and open-hearted cutie and gets really shafted by canon tbh. Which makes it harder for everyone to see what a great boy this sweetie is! But I appreciate how Shining Live has given him some room to have really cute and standout moments so everyone can love him more but okay like, give me more Ceci and Ran palling around I love him most when they’re up to shenanigans 

6. A character you would want as your partner?

well we’re posting this fuckin here so you all fuckin know (im very embarrass rn i can barely say it lmao) 

(for the record i would also very much like to be friends with reiji and syo, they are cool people i think i’d get along with! and i know myself, if i knew otoya or masato IRL i’d just be like ‘well. that’s my son now’ and basically appoint myself their tough big sis-type-friend lookin out for them lol) 

7. A character you would want as your mentor/senpai?

I would swallow a pinecone before I called him ‘onii-san’ but teach me how to network kotobuki-senpai 

(No, like, forreal, I suck so, so bad at a ton of stuff Reiji is aces at, and I respect the hell out of his *waves* general everything and skilll navigating the industry. Since I’m a goofy, jokey, overenthusiastic teacher for work a lot it’d be nice to be on the receiving end of all that energy! and be a fucking decent kouhai that isn’t so horribly unappreciative of all his hard work and good cheer ) 

8. Your favorite ship?

shut your whore mouth i dont have the marbles to write it out 

(tbh it’s also Haru/Tomo, I just feel so much more romantic chemistry between those two than Haru and any of the boys u___u  Friends’ selfship stuff goes without saying, haha, and ngl I’m kind of About a Ren/Van rivalry hatemance? can i call it a kismesis thing? it’s a kismesis thing.) 

(actually no I think I’m just a member of the “Ren Fucks and sometimes it’s Hatesex” club) 

9. A character that you want to cosplay/have already cosplayed?

I had plans to cosplay Ranmaru a couple months ago bc it’s really not much of a stretch for my wardrobe, haha, but I dunno about that anymore! Part of it was wanting the Euphoria of looking like a tough, twunky, princely anime character but tbqh I’m already that every day of my life so 

I suppose if you were to pull my leg I’d go for cosplaying Van, mostly because I wanna try that mullet on for myself. 

10. Favorite side character?

TOMO!! LOVE U BITCH WHEN WILL I HEAR U SINGGGGGG 

11. Your favorite solo song?

god this is horrible how can I decide??? so many good ones??? I think it’s a draw between Top Star Revolution, No. 1, Brand New Melody, Wild Soul, Seien Brave Heart, and Junketsu Nara Ai ~Aspiration~ ??? 

12. Your favorite duet song?

HMMMMM again too many good ones. Three-way tie between Haru Hana, NorthWind and SunShine, and Original Resonance! 

13. Your favorite trio song?

Ahhh Dream More than Love is really nostalgic bc it’s the first Utapri song I really loved, but i gotta be real. It’s just Egoistic. There’s just no getting better than Egoistic 

14. Your favorite group song?

mmmm i’m be basic. Poison Kiss 

15. Your least favorite song?

I love Ai and Shouta Aoi’s incredible voice but......I’m really not a fan of super slow, overly-saccharine songs. u__u so A.I. really, really doesn’t land with me, much less so than easygoing (like Knocking on the Mind) or somber (like Winter Blossom) songs. 

16. Your favorite singer?

ranran...it’s always ranran...

(I do also adore Natsuki’s and Camus’s voices! I tend to like deeper, richer vocal qualities, but you just can’t beat Ranmaru’s subtle growls and high-energy rock!!!! <3) 

17. Your favorite group/trio/duo?

god what combo of these idiots DONT i love? I could watch Reiji prank and tease Ranmaru all fuckin day, and I also really like it when Ran’s at his most ‘tuff big bro-y’ with, like, Ai, Otoya, and Cecil!!! but honestly I do like how the Ran/Masa/Ren trio isn’t so straightforward and is more or less held together by a thin string of professionalism, there’s something i appreciate about not forcing ppl to just bury the hatchet and be Perfect Friends but you all can still care about each other? (Ranmaru needs to be nicer to them still but...) 

i need to suggest one that isn’t ranmaru centric fjdsioafjsa i fuckin love Soccer Buds (otosyo) and I loooooove it when Otoya and Cecil are good to each other!!! 

18. Your favorite member of Starish?

they’re all my favorite but if you REALLY had to make me pick.....Masato, probably, haha. I just...if you take yourself too seriously and care so much about everything but still know how to be Nasty how can I not love you??? 

19. Your favorite member of Quartet Night?

what do you fuckin think, hoss 

20. Your favorite member of Heavens?

I mentioned earlier I don’t really know Heavens well, so ofc this is all liable to change! But off the bat I love what a conniving yet wholesome bastard Eiichi is and Van is just the kinda guy I would rib and pal around with IRL!! 

21. Your favorite seiyuu/voice actor?

Ahhh that’s tough! I love all these goofbags, and Tattsun really is just so cool and makes music I’m pretty about. But I think I gotta give it to Suwabe, his performances are always so him but still pretty varied, and how can you not adore a man who loves his chihuahuas that much??? 

(if i’m being 100% honest Tattsun lost points bc he voices my absolute least favorite character in granblue ffjsfjisda) 

22. Favorite Drama CD?

HMMMMMMM see as a certified Giant Tool for Everything Mecha and silly and extra, I enjoyed the hell out of Polaris, but it really suffers from a lack of Ranmaru in my humble fuckin opinion lmao. So even though I’m not one for pirate stuff most of the time, I gotta give it to Pirates of the Frontier!! I really loved Ranmaru and Otoya’s dynamic in that one, and Camus was juuuuust the right amount of shitheel, too. 

I haven’t heard the whole thing but that thing from Egoistic where Natsuki squeezes Ranmaru to death and Eiichi’s just like ‘WUAHAHAHAHAH’ is also the mcfuckin best. 

23. Your favorite shining live card?

CAN’T PICK 

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PICK?????????? LIKE??? I love the fucking dumb, dumb, dumb ostentatiousness of Evil Villains, I LOVE a good heel, and I also worked so so hard to t1 that event and had a lot of fun doing it!! But also, I just love his big smile and all the energy and mixed prints from Fortune and Prosperity, and it was literally the first time I ever got the exact card I was rolling for in a gacha on the last pull I had left!! (He also came home during a time I was really going through some shit, and ngl it rescued me a little bit!) but AHHHH Soulful Bass also came out right around my birthday, I love all the textures in the outfit and it’s generally the most My Aesthetique thing Utapri has ever released!!! And god, I just love it when he’s so confident and in his element like this, it sets me on FIRE to see him light up the stage wurghjgfj ;___; They all make me just want to HUG SO MUCH ARGGHHHHH 

24. Your favorite song beatmap?

Ahhh I think Shining Live really has great beatmaps across the board so that’s a tough pick! Almost all of them are super fun in their own way, but I think I gotta hand it to Wild Soul, Top Star Revolution, and Innocent Wind! 

25. Your least favorite song beatmap?

A.I. u__u Sorry, Ai...it’s just not fun for me.

26. Black Deja Vu or White Gravity?

Actually I’m really glad for this question bc I’ve been so busy lately I hadn’t given myself the time to really check them out! checking ......... 

and yep. Black Deja Vu. (I mean...Ranmaru is on it, haha.) But I’m so about this. Love this heavier sound and all these harmonies, this is so juicy. (White Gravity also absolutely kicks ass though!! I’m really liking that voice group, it’s making especially good use of those higher registers!) 

27. Utapri merch that you own/want?

Honestly I don’t have much u__u Not a lot of Utapri merch is my thing...you know? I’m mostly shopping for Ran merch if I’m getting any, but I’m very picky about how he gets drawn? Keeping his toughness and a particular clothing style about him is so essential, haha, and barely anything hits that sweet spot for me. But I will say I adored the whole ‘My Favorite Things’ series, and if I had the budget and space atm I’d love to get some of the Ran goodies from that line! 

28. How did you get into Utapri?

I first heard about it through some acquaintances from cosplay before Quartet Night was a thing. It didn’t appeal enough to my heavy metal ass to make me drop everything and try it, but I did have an interest in it I couldn’t explain and I’d always intended on trying it out. (especially after I got into Love Live and idol anime for a bit.) But it was Shining Live that got me! And I really only downloaded Shining Live because I was super exhausted after a business trip, didn’t want to leave bed once I got back home, and just wanted to sink my teeth in something new I could enjoy for hours while lying down, haha.  

29. A set theme in shining live that you want to see in the future?

This will surprise nobody, but something tougher. More rock, more punk, more metal. I want all of them in studs and spikes and leather, and I want less polish. More rough! 

I’d also love a wrestler set complete with who’s-a-heel-who’s-a-face but that’s a pipe dream and a half, lmao. 

30. Why do you love your best boy?

Oh boy. 

I think he’s this powerhouse of a human bean who can face a ton of pain and meet it with a big middle finger. And that middle finger is chasing after ambitious dreams, of spreading the power and soul of the same music that made me who I am and influences so much of my work, but also being ... you know, smart about it? He’s an idol because like, sure, maybe it’s not the OG dream, but you can’t dream if you’re dead, and you also deserve to give yourself a life and platform to share some of who you are, and you can do a lot of good with that, too. (And I won’t lie, I respect the drama of a man who takes his hair that seriously and commits so hard to the aesthetic he wears fuckin mismatched contacts i just. charm point ) 

But at the same time....I don’t know, this might sound presumptuous, but. I think. I just think he’d think I’m as neat as I think he is. I’m an ambitious, passionate person, too, and I also furiously stick to my ideals, and I also love the same kind of soul of music he does. I lean a little more metal than I do rock, but I think that’s nice, like sharing it has that ‘alike but different’ kind of familiarity and novelty all at once. Sometimes it’s tough sharing just how deeply rock and metal have sculpted me and my artwork (and therefore my career), bc it’s so deeply personal to me, and sometimes there’s weird elitism/misogyny/racism to deal with, too. But. The way he talks about rock, the way he describes the passion and how it transcends identity and is just a pure rush of power and sharing your feelings..................it just feels like he Gets it the same way I do. Just that unspoken, burning passion and understanding. I know it sounds weird to feel that strongly over just a music genre, but I just vibe with how to him, it really isn’t ‘just’ a music genre. I feel more accepting of myself for it, and I’d like to think he’d be real proud of himself for that.  

And listen, like....I’m very sentimental, but I really don’t like saccharine, flowery, romantic kinds of affection to be lavished on me. Just be straightforward but also a little tsun about it fjdsjfas and ..... those are the kind of feelings I can accept. And that’s the way Ranmaru is, and it’s also grounded in the kind of reality that I don’t like to be swept away from. He’s just so cool and hardworking and unwavering in his passion, it makes it easier for me to do the same despite all the bumps in the road. This got real long but Ran’s a cool dude, haha, I got a lot of positives to say. 

Anyways, I never tag folks for these things, but I love seeing everyone’s answers! If you see this and wanna fill it, feel free to count this as a tag from me :) I know this got real long, but with 30 questions how could it not haha? Thanks for reading and sticking around! 

[merrickals]

Hoo boy, it’s been a while

(Lengthy explanation + apology for my absence below the cut)

Why I’ve been gone:

The short answer is school.

The long answer is, well... still school, but more generally, an absence of inspiration.  Over the past few months, I’ve had a really hard time summoning the motivation to write for Merrick.  It’s not because of his character - I love my quirky, goofy, nerdy space son.  It’s not because of my rp partners or their characters - I love every single one of the people I’ve interacted with, which makes extra-guilty about straight-up ditching y’all with no warning or explanation.  Rather, it’s the verses in which I’ve been writing.  

In almost every single one of his verses, Merrick is a student.  The majority of his interactions take place on campus, and most of the conflicts he faces are linked to academics in some way or another.  There’s nothing wrong with writing a student; there’s definitely merit in the old saying “write what you know,” and since I’m a student, I’ve got plenty of material from which to draw.  While our similar situations give me plenty of experiences, though, they also make it harder to enjoy being in Merrick’s shoes over my own.  For me, part of the enjoyment of roleplay comes from escapism; allowing myself to explore worlds completely separate reality, worry about problems completely unrelated to my own, and “carry out” actions without worrying about repercussions in my own future is something of a stress reliever, and what allows me to relax in roleplay.  Over the summer, when I created Merrick, this wasn’t a problem... but as schoolwork and applications devoured my own life, even thinking about writing anything on a college campus was sickening, let alone actually writing it.  

Less directly, I was also discouraged by the minimal amount Merrick’s alien heritage came into play in any of the threads he pursued.  No character should be defined solely by “aesthetic” attributes such as their origins, species, or abilities, and I did strive to keep Merrick from flattening out into only his half-alien background.  That said, though... it is still a major factor that affects who he is and how he lives his life.  It isn’t just be an extra detail thrown in to make him more interesting; it’s an integral part of who he is and how his stories will play out, and one I feel has been criminally underutilized in almost every thread I’ve written him in.  Being half-Noctralorian should not and will never overshadow his being Merrick, but it's a sizeable part of being Merrick.  As Merrick’s mun, I’m glad to have fleshed him out enough beyond his base concept that he can stand alone, but also feel like I’ve left that concept behind - and it’s frustrating, because worldbuilding isn’t my forte, but I wanted to play with it a little more with Merrick.  Though I like his more realistic storylines, I found myself on edge trying to respond to them, itching to write something more... “interesting” isn’t really the word I’m looking for, since slice-of-life realism can definitely be interesting, but... I guess “exotic”?  I hope that makes sense, but uh, yeah.  This kinda ties back in with the real-life and roleplay situation similarities .w.

(Additionally, though it’s a far more minor reason, my art’s improved a lot since I’ve been here, and ngl it hurts to look at the old stuff now rip <~<)

I’m gonna come clean now: I have still been writing these past four months of radio silence.  I made another blog (@abyssmail, which has also since sunk into unannounced hiatus) and screwed around over on that for a while, then got dragged into a discord roleplay server with some old friends and got my creativity fix there.  I started writing my own roleplay server, which definitely won’t see the light of day for several months, if ever, but that, too, took my time from here.  I’ve been extremely selfish in my roleplaying, and left a lot of people hanging over here who definitely didn’t deserve to be blown off.  And I’m really, really sorry.  I wasted your time, got your hopes up, and then let you down, and really, with an explanation only coming so late, it’s inexcusable.  I’m not going to push for forgiveness, but only hope that I didn’t hurt you too badly by failing to reply.

...So where do I stand now?

Well, I definitely don’t want to scrap this blog.  I put a lot of work into creating Merrick, and while I’m unsatisfied with the progress I made on his development, I am proud of how he’s turned out so far.  I also don’t really want to entirely abandon the drafts I still have hanging, although it’s probably much too late for that.  It may take me months more to summon the motivation to write proper responses, but I really do want to get to it eventually, even if it’s the last thing I do.  Naturally, I won’t expect any kind of response in return, but will only seek to provide closure, at least to myself ^^; If you’re willing to wait for me, I’m happy to pick things up where we left off, but for now I need a semi-fresh start.  

...I say start, but really, I don’t mean to have much more than limited activity with short, low-responsibility threads every once in a blue moon for a while now.  I do want to come back.  Really.  I��m just not ready to be here in full-force like I was last summer, and don’t know if I’ll ever truly hit that point again.  I plan on popping in every once in a while, maybe throwing some memes and low-responsibility threads around, maybe picking up one or two bigger threads that I can focus my (highly limited) energy on consistently.  No promises, though.  I’m reluctant to promise anything, really, for I’ve already broken so many that it would be dangerous to even try.

If you’ve made it to the bottom of this, thank you so much for reading it, and I hope you can find it in your heart to have, if not forgiveness, a little sympathy for this flaky potato over here ^^;  Best wishes to all of you who’ve roleplayed with me in the past~

~ ♥ Shiro

[isempiterna]

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒚𝒎𝒃𝒐𝒍𝒔

Tagged by: @merrickals Tagging: @vulpeculiar, @starbrosforever, @frailborn @y’alls :>

tbf, I DO research birthday stuff before deciding on my character’s birthdays, so I already knew abt signs and years :’) I knew the stones but not the meanings, and spirit animal, tree, and flower are all new info too!

it’s gonna be kinda LONG under the cut cause both sisters + my comments, cause I gotta comment on everything??

𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐞  “Citrine has been popular for thousands of years and used to be revered for its rarity. There are many positive attributes of the citrine stone when it comes to aiding the physical self. It has been said that citrine purifies the system and may help counteract the toxic affects of many pharmaceutical medicines. Citrine is believed to be a tonic for the circulatory system, helping cleanse the blood, as it is processed within the kidneys and other organs. Citrine gives energy and invigoration to the physical body. It is useful to people who are sensitive to environmental and other outside influences. Mentally, it awakens the higher mind, expanding conscious awareness and improving clarity of thought, promoting inner calm so that wisdom may emerge. It is said that the stone will draw all the good things in life to you.  yeah uh Lark could definitely use somma that promoted inner calm ghsdgdhfds but she’s rly not that sensitive? she’d also appreciate that physical boost tho, more ass kicking energy is always good in her books

𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐲𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐮𝐦  Chrysanthemum is derived from the word "chrysos" which means gold and "anthos" which means flower in Greek. Otherwise known as the mums, they come in a variety of colors, from gold (its original color) to white, purple and red. They symbolize love, joy, friendship, abundance, and wealth. During the Victorian era, the secret message conveyed by the Chrysanthemum was "You’re a wonderful friend". A red Chrysanthemum means "I love you", a white denotes love, innocence and purity, and a yellow stands for love taken for granted, or unreciprocated love. The Chinese use Chrysanthemum as a good luck charm in the home and according to Feng Shui it brings laughter and merriment. gold is good it’s Lark’s color!! and she IS a wonderful friend thanks. too bad she can’t give all her good luck to Sparrow ??

𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬  Sagittarius people are known to be philosophical, independent, optimistic, honest, and intellectual. You tend to have very good luck, which helps you maintain your optimistic outlook and positive disposition, even during hard times. You have a great ability to focus and make loyal friends and lovers. You have a vibrant personality, are full of curiosity, and are also very philosophic, just like Scorpios. You are constantly looking forward to the future and never dwelling on the past. if by intellectual u mean witty in all the dumb ways, sure lma o. more good luck?? once again she IS a wonderful loyal friend and heckin independent >u< I wouldn’t rly describe her as philosophical but I guess she actually can be? 

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐩  You are tasteful, intelligent, artistic, warm, kind, elegant, charming, cultured, intuitive, sensitive, gentle, and calm. You are born under the sign of art, so you love making and looking at beautiful things and you don't hesitate to spoil yourself with such things. You are the most feminine of all the twelve animal signs. You are quiet and sometimes shy, and have enormous compassion. You are a wonderful guest and a person other people love being around. The Chinese believe that the goat is naturally lucky because of your kind heart and peaceful nature. You are especially close to your family. uhhhh okay my source differs a lil from this one. calm? spoiling herself? most feminine?? quiet?? SHY?? ? ..........goat? GLSHDGSHGOIDSF WTF DO U MEAN PEACEFUL NATURE LARK IS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF PEACEFUL SHE DOESN’T JUST WAGE WAR, WARS WAGE LARK

𝐨𝐰𝐥  You are trustworthy, warm, easy-going, adaptable, sensitive, insightful, direct, optimistic, happy, focused, caring, loving, funny, independent, and a great artist and teacher. You love adventure, you go into new situations with your eyes open to everything around you in order to really understand your surroundings. You have the wonderful ability to fully understand and appreciate others and see the good in nearly every situation you encounter. You also have the ability to help others do the same, therefore having a positive effect on the world. You tend to take the time to find the deep meaning of a few topics, rather than skim the surface of many, and not gaining much knowledge at all. o k what is with these quizzes and calling Lark sensitive and artistic, like?? she’s only artistic when it comes to cupcake decos and latte art. it’s prolly a bit of a stretch to say she sees the good in nearly every situation, more like she’s just REALLY good at rolling with things and accepting how they are. and Lark’s not deep enough for those knowledge topics, u think she got time for that?

𝐚𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞 You are imaginative, artistic, peaceful, loving, reliable, ambitious, vivacious, talented, intelligent, intuitive, and a nature lover. You are extremely wise- a free thinker who sees things others don't, as you tend to travel down paths others wouldn't, in order to learn and see a bigger picture. You don't care about what others think of you. You are an inspiration to everyone you come in contact with, as your love for life is infectious. You have a passion for art, science, writing and spirituality. I REPEAT WHAT IS WITH CALLING LARK ARTISTIC AND PEACEFUL, OF ALL THINGS ho nestly fine yeah okay, Lark’s got some unconventional wisdom and she rly doesn’t care what others think of her. but that last sentence is pure bullshit

𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑡𝘩𝑦𝑠𝑡  Amethyst is a part of royal gem collections all over the world, from ancient Egypt to the British crown jewels. For some time, true amethyst was valued equally with the diamond. The name amethyst derives from the ancient Greek word amethustos, meaning sober. It was said that an amethyst could instill a sober and serious mind. Amethyst was known as a gem that would bring forth the highest, purest aspirations of human kind. Chastity, sobriety, and control over one’s thoughts were all attributes heightened by wearing the stone. Amethysts are recommended to those who deal with stress a lot, such as people with an excessive work ethic who are unable to enjoy relaxation. NOW WE’RE TALKIN, THAT’S SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE THAT’S SOME 😘 👌 GOOD SHIT 👌👌💯 RIGHT THERE 😍 💯 👌

𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑡  Violet is a delicate flower that appears at the end of February. It may come in shades of blue, mauve, or even yellow or cream. Violet denotes faithful love, humility and modesty. In the Victorian era, giving someone violets suggested "I’ll always be true". Dreaming of violets means that luck is coming your way, and that your future spouse will be younger than you. Violet is known as the state flower of Illinois, Wisconsin, New Jersey, and Rhode Island, and the official flower of Greece. It is also given on the 50th wedding anniversary. ohh too bad Sparra never dreams about violets hhah ahah a ha ┐(ツ)┌ it’s rly good tho!! 

𝑝𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑒𝑠  Pisces people are devoted, compassionate, imaginative, adaptable, sensitive, kind, selfless and sympathetic. You tend to keep a low profile compared to other zodiac signs. You have a quiet disposition, yet on the inside you experience extremes of emotions, both good and bad. You have the talent of understanding people's motivations where they might not be obvious to other people. You also have incredible strength of character. You will always stand up and/ or work hard for what you believe in, especially if loved ones are involved. You are the most sensitive of all the zodiac signs. NAILED IT

𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑜𝑥  You are calm, steady, determined, methodical, honest, sincere, reliable, popular, loyal, thorough, strong, and reasonable. When someone needs a person they can depend on, they call you, as you are a patient, kind hearted, and dependable friend. You are extremely strong and a very hard worker. You like methods and routines and will always say exactly what you think as you are ruled by conviction and do not easily stray from your beliefs. Once committed, you will be extremely loyal to your partner. whelp, she coulda been popular ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ coulda been real good at voicin her thoughts ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ whelp  ┐( ᐛ )┌

𝑤𝑜𝑙𝑓  You are compassionate, spiritual, intuitive, generous, mysterious, artistic, gentle, adaptable, sympathetic, and deeply emotional. Your path in life revolves around love- to receive it, and to give it. You hate the thought of others suffering or in pain, because of your deep compassion. You take on the responsibility of teaching others to be compassionate as well. As a teacher, you have the ability to know when to stand back and let others figure out their own paths of life. You are very self aware- you eliminate things that may cause harm to people. ngl I was like A WOLF?? for SPARROW??? but hey the description’s fuckin good so o k

𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑒 You are poised, active, natural, friendly, practical, compassionate, and trustworthy. You are a health conscious person, and do everything in moderation. You are always doing something to move towards progress and success. You are aware of what you need emotionally, physically, and spiritually, to be happy. You crave harmony and peace and as such, with your compassionate nature, you love to help other people too. You have an active imagination and you enjoy writing. NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT !! shame she doesn’t value her happiness more  ┐( シ)┌

[inspirationallyinsane]

July 18 2018

Tumblr :) hi. It is I. I am feeling so good right now. Honestly, you guys don't even know. My life is so wonderful and beautiful atm and I am so appreciative of everything that is going on. Similarly? I'm also appreciative of everything that has happened to me in the past. All the shit that I went through?? Allllllll the shit?? I am genuinely grateful for it. And beyond that I am so grateful to myself that I wrote it, here, and I have it, forever. It's an unreal experience to go back to 2013 and read my posts. It would be impossible for me to remember how truly awful that time was for me without my writing. I read some of the things that I wrote about myself and the people around me and I feel like crying. I hated myself so much. An extraordinary amount. If I ever wrote something positive about myself or something good that had happened to me/I had done, I would immediately follow it up with something incredibly self-deprecating and negative. I don't write or think that way anymore. There was a time in my life where every single good thing was drowned out by twenty bad things and I don't believe I can be a full person when that is happening. It breaks my heart when I see it in other people. Because I was so there and I have long, rambling posts about being there. About the doubt and the questioning and the utter lack of confidence. Posts that identify it to be nothing more than my normalcy. The only existence I had ever experienced. Things are so different for me now. I don't question the words that come out of my mouth or my belief in myself. I was looking through my old photosets and all of the captions were something like "I know I look ugly but I wanted to show this outfit" or "I look bad but the person next to me looks so cute". Something like that. And in reality??? I was cute af!!! Like in a 15/16 year old way like I look young but I slayed!!! And now? I know I look good. I know that I'm cute and fun and interesting. Which is something that is reflected in my prose and my captions and even my hashtags. I think that is really exciting. It's very interesting for me to go back through the 5(!!!!!) years I have been writing and see such huge development. In 2013? Cha girl was a huge mess. By 2015 I was just beginning to become who I am right now. That's when I see it happen. And I don't know why or what caused that growth to start, I'm sure I could find it if I read through everything closely enough, but I am so glad for it. To be able to pinpoint each stage of development and understand why is important. I think that it encourages me to continue to develop and strive to better to myself and to other people. To be excited about the things I am doing and saying and experiencing. That's rad af. I honestly am so hyped for the next five years. And the five years after that. So on and so forth for the rest of time. I'm going to kill it. Life is going to be my bitch. Lowkey it already is. I've been thinking a lot about my lifestyle and the lifestyle I will have in the future. And I've been thinking about the idea of being a multi-millionaire, right? Like that's the goal. CEO of US Bank, ultra successful, ultra rich. But?? I also don't see myself ever needing or even wanting that sort of lavish luxurious lifestyle that often comes with the money. I mean, I'm the happiest I've ever been and also (almost) the poorest I've ever been. Technically, I live below the poverty line, right? But I don't feel like I lack anything in my life. I eat well and I have enough to get everything that I could need. My apartment is kinda a shithole but it's my shithole and I make it work. It's cute. I know, from experience, that money doesn't bring happiness. I lived that lifestyle that is so over the top and unreal. Thousands of dollars in clothes was a casual shopping trip to the mall. Brand name everything. And??? I was miserable. Not directly because of the money, like there was obviously a lot of shit going on but I can confidently say that the shit was no better or worse because of the money. It did nothing for me, for us. Obviously having your needs met is incredibly important, having housing and food and clothing, the basics, is necessary for happiness. I know that too. There was a time in my life where, for almost a full year, I couldn't afford to have my needs met. And I'm glad I experienced that. At the time I genuinely thought I was going to die but I didn't and now I know where the middle ground (?) is for that stuff. I think it is an important experience to understand. I want to be CEO of US Bank because that is what I want to do. Not because it comes with a salary that I want to have. I truly hope for my future self that I remember all of the stuff that I am reading about and thinking about right now and that when I am there, I do everything that I want to do now. It feels so distant to me that it becomes a fantasy and in my fantasy it is easy for me to do the sorts of things I think I'd do. It's easy to say "Oh yea when I'm there? I'd want to give money from my salary back to the company so that people can get more than 5 grand a year for college tuition help". I'd love to give people the opportunity to go to school whenever they want to do that. And I think it would be especially meaningful to do it for my company and my employees. I really like that a lot. I also think college is hella important and learning how to be a lifelong learner is a skill that I would love to emphasize in my company. I would love to be able to present more opportunity for people who are just starting out. "Oh, you're a teller right now but you are interested in marketing??" That's awesome. I'd never want to limit financial aid to certain degrees or interests. Like I know that to get financial aid from US Bank (which is awesome that they offer it at all, honestly), I'd have to major in business or econ. Which I want to anyway because it is personally interesting to me and my career but I'd like to see more diversity in my company, if I were running it. I know, that at least in some ways, when I'm there things will be different. Maybe after I have an MBA or whatever I'll understand more that I can't offer help to creative/arts majors. I don't know. I would like to think that I'll remain a similar person though. That would be cool. Goldman Sachs is replacing their CEO right now. And a lot of people seem to be kinda shitting all over David Solomon (the new CEO) but honestly? I'm really into him being the CEO. He's an interesting guy with a background in investment banking, which is new for Goldman Sachs. Their thing really has been trading and their last CEO had his background in trading. Solomon also has a musical career on the side, which he still pursues. A CEO that moonlights as a DJ. A CEO with an album on Spotify. That is so cool to me. The idea that a person can have a really intense, high power, heavy responsibility job, and also pursue his or her creative interests is exciting. I feel like that is something new. I sometimes will hear people say that my blog or my raps or my pictures that I share with the world will limit my ability to become everything that I want to be but now?? I can look those people in the face and say "see?". Being a passionate, well rounded person is never limiting. It is something to embrace and celebrate. I love it. Also!!! There is a guy running for congress in the 19th district in NY and lowkey??? Kinda in love with him. He's young and cool and interesting and so incredibly intelligent. And he used to be a rapper! Full ass political rapper. It's so cool. That's amazing to me. To be able to express across multiple platforms is a skill I value. His opponent is trying to say that his raps demonstrate that he isn't serious enough or that he isn't refined enough to be a congressman but guess what? His opponent is down in the polls. Dude's gonna take the seat and I'm so excited to see what he does and follow his political career. People are so cool and people are out there doing so many cool things all at the same time. I want to be that person. I'm on my way to being that person. I'm a banker and a rapper and a poet and a writer. I'm an artist who knows a whole lot about finances. It's awesome. I think it's cool. Umm my personal life is good right now too. Zach and I made up which! I know I said all that stuff about my friends but ultimately I can not stay mad at them. I love my friends and I probably always will. It doesn't matter if we are in different places or doing different things, I love them. That's it. I'm really glad that I saw Zach again and things are good. I went to one of his film shoots and I always think it's really beautiful watching Zach make a film. He's a good director and I genuinely believe that with the right team and the right equipment Zach could make something amazing. I've also been kinda seeing this guy? More consistently than the others at least. I go on a lot of dates with a lot of guys and Ben likes to make fun of me for it like "who is the flavor of the week?" But I do think it is important for me to explore different things and different people and at least get to know them. I'm not sleeping with them or tryna be serious with them like it's all very casual and fun and interesting. I'm collecting a lot of stories and characters and building relationships with my community. So. Whatever, Benadryl. I know what I'm doing. But anyway. I've stopped that over the last week or so and have been focusing more on one person which is a lot more comfortable for me. I enjoy that more, I'm ngl. It's been a lot of late nights and long talks and conversation I can appreciate. Focusing energy on developing one thing is very different. It creates a different kind of intimacy with a person. One that I like. Um. So yes. That is good. I think. I'm going to be honest with you rn, Tumblr. I'm scared. And I so badly want to be that fearless bitch that I was in my last post like "What is heartbreak to me?" Like, fuck it, I don't care about anything. I embrace the sadness. But it's a scary thing. It just is and as much as I can appreciate it and say that I do value the beauty in it, I don't wanna feel that way. Ben is leaving and that is enough sadness in my life currently. I'm going to miss tf out of him. The bank is going to be so different. Sad face. Benadryl. Sad face. So the idea of beginning something new and something that I actually give two shits about is extremely daunting. But. Who knows. Life is going to happen whether I want it to or not at this point. Luckily for me, most of the time I want it to. The only thing that has been bothering me recently is my health? I got over the whole throat issue and I can breathe again which is a gd miracle but now I'm having other issues. And I feel like it's something different every week. Like this week? I literally haven't been eating. I can't eat for shit this week. I'm so nauseous all of the time. It's super annoying. Even water or tea makes me feel sick. I believe it is my anxiety because it usually presents itself in that way physically and I also believe I know exactly what I'm feeling anxiety about but! It's still super upsetting. Um and then just other really dumb stuff like my back hurts like a bitch 90% of the time or I'll have these major headaches for weeks straight and even with advil they won't go away. Or I'll have nightmares or I won't sleep. I should be tired right now. I was up until 4:30 in the morning last night and I was up at 7. But I tried to sleep after work and I slept for about 30 minutes and woke up in a full ass panic attack. And then I thought I saw a lady bug crawling on me?? Which I'm not sure if that was real or not but it freaked me tf out. First of all, why would a lady bug be in my apartment? And secondly? That lady bug looked me dead in my eyes as it crawled up my arm and it scared the living shit out of me. Why was I scared of a ladybug? Lord knows. But I certainly was. That lady bug, which likely was not real, was evil I s2g. And that about sums up my relationship with sleep atm. Not good. I want to sleep and I want to be on top of everything and I want to have the real energy that comes from being rested and feeling healthy. I don't know what is going on. It does concern me. So. Ok. I guess that is all for now. Imma go watch Queer Eye because that show gives me so much happiness, y'all don't even know. It is the cutest shit. Every episode I'm like, no way is another one gonna make me want to cry or laugh or whatever and then?? I feel all of those emotions. Incredible. Honestly I'm not a huge fan of reality TV but that one?? Good af. 10/10 would recommend. Also, I don’t have the energy to proofread this, which I usually do, so I’m sure it’s riddled with mistakes. I promise I will fix them later. Sorry :D Goodnight Tumblr, sleep better than I am ;P until next time~