#i kind of like this i kind of don’t know how to feel about it

[gothbitchshit]

Match My Freak

Pairing: Eddie x plus sized girlfriend reader

Rating: Explicit — minors do not interact

Genre: fluff, kinda crack?, explicit smut, post s4 Eddie lives!AU

Word count: 5.3k

Summary: Eddie's girlfriend goes looking him Eddie and finds herself in a compromising position, and sharing some feelings she wasn't expecting to that changes the nature of their relationship forever.

Warnings: established relationship, Eddie likes his girls thick idc I make the rules, confessions of sorts, near anxiety/panic attack, lowkey roleplay that turns into not-roleplay lol, overuse of pet names, finger sucking, mentioned fingering (does not occur), choking, impact play/pussy slapping, master kink, fingering, unprotected sex, safeword discussion, d/s implications, dirty talk (these two are filthy), dumbification if you squint, Eddie being silly, these two are horny and in love – if I missed anything please let me know!

Requested? nope, but @slashersteve and @witchoftheewilds encouraged me to write this so they get credit

Authors note: so... I disappeared for like 2 years. Sorry about that lol this is written in 3rd person with the reader having she/her pronouns.

⋆ ☽ ⋆ ☾ ⋆

She knew exactly where she’d find him — sitting on his throne in the low-lit room, feet up on the table with his nose buried in a Dungeons and Dragons manual instead of home room. She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t even flinch when she walked in; most of the Hellfire Club came and went as they pleased, and she doubted Eddie even realized the morning bell had rung. 

She’d been disappointed not to find him in the parking lot that morning, even more disappointed when she hadn’t found him waiting at her locker. But when she didn’t see him loitering outside Mrs. Brandon’s class until the bell rang, she knew exactly where he’d be. 

It was Friday, which meant he was going over his campaign before the Hellfire meeting planned for that night. He looked so excited, almost manic as he poured over his notes. She locked the door and pulled the shade down before lazily making her way over to him.

“Oh, gracious dungeon master,” she drawled seductively, Eddie’s eyes shooting up to look at her over his notes before a smirk settled on his face. She knew he’d already caught onto her game, and was more than willing to play along. “Could you spare a moment?”

“Always. What can I do for a princess, clearly lost in my domain, this early in the morning?” He asked, reaching out to take her hand, but she pulled away at the last minute, skirting around his chair. His fingers brushed the edge of the flannel she had tied around her waist but he couldn’t quite catch her.

“Well, as you can tell, I’m lost, and I’m in desperate need of answers,” she sighed, trailing a manicured finger down the side of his neck over the back of his chair.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help a lost maiden,” he replied, shivering as her nail hit the fading hickey at the junction of his neck and collarbone.

“So this sadistic, twisted campaign you’ve been planning,” she began, “What can you tell this lonely, weary traveler about it?”

“Well, princess, I can’t tell you too much. Can’t ruin the surprise,” he sighed, sitting up in his chair and making room for her in front of him, “But I can tell you that I don’t think any will survive the vicious, blood thirsty hoard that is commanded by Tharizdun, God of Eternal Darkness.”

She hummed in contemplation, finally moving to stand in front of him, remaining just out of his reach, “How can he possibly be defeated?” She asked, pushing herself onto the table, running a foot up the inside of his leg as she did.

“My sweet, kind princess,” he smiled, a slender, ring clad hand reaching out to grab her ankle, pulling it up to his mouth to place a chaste kiss on the skin. She shivered as he nearly forced her to lay back on the table, catching herself on her elbows, “I couldn’t possibly tell you that. I know the freshmen probably sent you in here to get a leg up on my campaign, but it won’t come that easily.”

She frowned animatedly, “You think I’m trying to trick you?” She asked softly, making him groan as his hand tightened around her ankle.

“I know you are, princess,” he laughed incredulously, “Why else would you be here, spread out on my table in front of my throne?”

“Can’t I just be curious?” She pouted, pulling her ankle away from him as she sat up.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he cooed, cupping her face in his hand, “If I tell you, you have to swear you won’t tell the freshmen about it and you have to come to Hellfire tonight.”

“Deal,” she smiled, pressing a quick kiss to the palm of his hand.

Eddie laughed, shaking his head before settling back into his throne, “Well, Tharizdun, the God of Eternal Darkness, is locked away, imprisoned for his crimes. But he is able to influence his cult members to act on his behalf. They are obsessed with finding and freeing him from his eternal prison so darkness can reign supreme yet again. To defeat him, you’d need someone who has magical influence to somehow stop his mid control and—“

“What if someone were to… I don’t know… stumble upon Thorzidune—“

“—Tharizdun.”

“Yes, sorry. Tharizdun. If someone were to find him and distract him…” she trailed off before locking eyes with Eddie and asking, “Could he be seduced?”

Eddie’s jaw dropped, a breathless laugh forced itself from his lungs as he stared at her, her lips curling into a smirk as she watched the wheels turn in his head. “Princess, I-I don’t think you realize what you’re—“ he stuttered.

“I mean, he’s not a zombie or anything, so he’s not immune to being charmed or whatever. So why couldn’t he be seduced?” She asked with a shrug. 

“Baby, your charisma stats would have to be insane to even—“ he began but she cut him off with a scoff.

“Excuse you, I’m a level 13 Bard and my charisma stats are off the charts,” she deadpanned, folding her arms across her chest.

“On whose authority? You’ve never played with me and you can’t just say things like that, it cheapens—“ he complained, but she cut him off again.

“Will the Wise,” she said firmly, making him freeze, “You can ask him. We’ve played extensively. Now, what would I need to roll to properly seduce the terrible, terrifying, Tharizdun?”

She could see the realization set in, his eyes going dark as he assessed her. The predatory gleam in his eyes sent a wave of arousal pooling in her core, “Well, who am I to question Will the Wise? So, you need a 15 or higher to seduce the mighty Tharizdun, princess,” he smiled, standing up to his full height to tower over her. “Here, I’ll even let you use my lucky dice,” he said, bending over to whisper directly into her ear before pressing the dice into her hand.

She felt like there was an electric current under her skin, her hands almost shaking in anticipation. She sucked in a breath and steeled her resolve, pushing Eddie backwards, back into his throne. “Thank you for the luck, oh gracious one,” she curtsied.

“Anytime, princess,” he smirked, leaning back in his seat.

“Oh,” she smiled innocently, “Will you hold this for me? It’s a little warm in here,” she asked, watching his eyes trail over her as she untied the dark flannel from around her waist, revealing the ripped black shorts. She could have sworn she saw Eddie drool a little bit as he stared at her exposed legs.

She turned on her toes, bending over the table dramatically, “Fuck, princess,” he groaned, his hands ghosting up the backs of her plush thighs. “You don’t even need to roll. Tharizdun is at your mercy at the mere sight of you.”

She turned to look at him over his shoulder, suppressing a laugh as she saw his eyes glued to the bottom of her ass. “No, we need to do this the right way, there are rules for a reason. You should know that,” she chastised, before turning back to the table. “Oh, and I’d rather be at Tharizdun’s mercy,” she teased, rolling the dice.

The moment of silence in anticipation seemed to stretch for hours, her breath caught in her throat as the dice spun before it stopped, landing on 20. “Congratulations princess,” Eddie breathed in her ear, “You got your wish.” Before she could respond, his hands were under the hem of her shorts, kneading into the flesh of her ass.

“Eddie!” She squealed, feeling the cold metal of his rings cut into her warm skin.

“Nope, that’s not my name right now, sweetheart,” he breathed into her ear, “Call me by my name, and I’ll grant you mercy.”

“‘Tharizdun, God of Eternal Darkness’ is a mouthful, and you know I’m a screamer,” She whispered back, “But because I’m at your mercy, what if I just call you master?”

She couldn’t help but feel satisfied at the sharp intake of breath she heard in her ear, followed by a low warning sound that reverberated in his chest. But the satisfaction was ripped away from her with a hand around her throat, pulling her back into his chest.

“If you call me that again, princess, you’re never getting rid of me, you got that? You say that shit again and you are mine, understood?”

Her heart fluttered and her knees went weak; she wanted nothing more than to be his forever. The simple thought of it made her break into goosebumps and her brain to go a little fuzzy. She wanted him to own her, to want her as much as she wanted him. “Please, master, I want it. I wanna be yours, only yours,” she pleaded softly, her eyes filling with tears at the unspoken promise in his proposition. 

Eddie sighed, a pleased hum vibrating through her back from his chest. His hand tightened as he scoffed, pressing his hard bulge into the cleft of her ass, making her whine. “My dumb little pet,” he cooed mockingly, “You come into my lair, batting your pretty little eyes at me, trying to seduce me for someone else’s benefit? And now you offer yourself to me, to keep?”

“Yes, fuck, I want you to keep me. I wanna be yours forever,” she whispered, her whole body trembling in his hold. “I love you, Eddie,” she hiccuped. 

His grip on her faltered, his fingers loosening around her neck, making her freeze. It had been on the tip of her tongue for weeks, always choking the words back as the insecurities echoed in her mind, all the same haunting tone that’d almost claimed her life in the upside down mere months before. And now she’d fucked it up — she should have known Eddie would never feel the same way about her as she did him. His words were just part of the game they were playing, he didn’t mean them like she did.

“Princess, I need you to breathe,” Eddie commanded gently, trapping her chin between his fingers and forcing her to look at him. His eyes were wide and wild, still half feral but also concerned, and all it did was make her cry harder. 

“It-it’s okay you don’t love me, I-I won’t be upset just p-please don’t-don’t leave,” she stuttered out between gasps, trying to stave off the panic attack that was building.

“Fuck, no, no, no, no, no, no sweetheart,” he cooed softly, cupping her cheeks, “I’ve been in love with you since the moment you slayed a hoard of demobats to save my stupid ass. Shit, I’ve probably been in love with you for way longer. Definitely before we started dating – like when you told me you liked my tattoo and my guitar and convinced me to play you part of the song I was writing, and then actually liked it? Y’know, I haven’t thought of a single other girl since then,” he rambled, the goofy grin she loved so much not leaving his face for a second. “I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t, but holy fuck, I have been in love with you for so long princess and hearing you say it felt like a-a hallucination or something.”

“You love me too?” She mumbled through sniffles.

“You are the love of my life. I love you so much I don’t even have the words for it, which is saying a lot because I am known for my way with words.”

“I love you too, Eddie,” she smiled, pressing up onto her toes to kiss him, melting into his embrace.

His hands hooked under her legs, lifting her up so she could wrap herself around him as he carefully set her on the table. “I wasn’t joking baby,” he said, pulling away to look into her eyes seriously. “When I said you were mine, that I wanted to keep you. I want you forever because I am in love with you.”

The white hot burn of his words roared in her ears as he pressed his lips to hers again, slower this time, sucking her lip in between his teeth before giving her a sharp nip.

“Now that you’ve given yourself to me, and I to you, can we continue where we left off? Because we only have 30 minutes before next period, and while I am fully willing to skip O’Donnel’s class to claim my pretty little pet, you told me you’d kill me yourself if I don’t graduate with you.”

“And I stand by that statement,” she smiled, still feeling dazed, “But I also need you to fuck me so hard I forget how boring Bunsen’s chem class is for the entire hour. Can you do that, oh gracious one? My God of Eternal Darkness.”

“Don’t you need that to graduate?” He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her neck.

“Yeah, but it’s lab day and Nancy’s my partner,” she shrugged, shivering as she felt the tendrils of his curls ghost across her skin.

“Oh, so you just fuck around while everyone else struggles?” He grinned, nipping at her neck to make her gasp. “Why am I not surprised Wheeler would let you skate by”

“Because she’s my friend,” she breathed absently, too distracted feeling Eddie’s warm hands travel the expanse of her legs and his lips working his way across her chest.

“Mmhmm, and you’re gonna sit in that class with her, all fucked out after I split you open and make you cry bouncing on my cock?” He asked.

“Yes, please,” she whispered, her eyes rolling back as he bit down on her earlobe.

“Please what, princess?”

“Please, master,” she sighed.

“Of course, my pet,” he smirked, “I’ve told you before, flattery works on me, sweetheart.” She didn’t notice he had been causally undoing the buttons that held her shorts up until he was yanking the fabric down her ass and throwing them to the side.

“Eddie, baby, please. Don’t tease me. I need you now,” she pleaded, eyes wide and glassy as she stared at him, “I’ll do anything when we get home, anything, as long as you fuck me now, and you fuck me hard.”

“Sweet princess, my little pet, have you forgotten your manners already? I’m your master right now baby, and you’re at my mercy. That was the deal,” he chuckled, “But since you asked so nicely…” He took two steps back from her, settling himself into his throne with a dark glint in his eyes. He started in her eyes as he unbuckled his belt, the handcuffs clinking as he unbuttoned his pants. “I need my girl to come ride me on my throne, seeing as you, from this moment forward, are my queen.”

She bit her lip so hard she could feel it split, the sharp metallic filling her mouth, “Yes master,” she nodded, pushing herself off the table. Eddie’s wicked grin grew even more as she took two careful steps toward him, coming to stand between his spread legs.

“I see my princess got all dressed up just for me,” he smirked, his fingers ghosting over her stomach, venturing under the hem of the Dio shirt he’d given her the night he asked her to be his girlfriend. “Do you like wearing the clothes I get you, baby? Letting everyone know that you’re mine?”

She nodded, a shy smile on her face, “It lets everyone know that you’re mine too,” she whispered, climbing into his lap. She trailed her nails up his neck softly, relishing in the hiss that came out of his mouth, “Can’t let anyone try to take you from me.”

“Sweetheart, I assure you. No one other than you wants me,” he laughed, but her hand in his hair cut him off with a groan.

“It’s because they don’t know you. If they did, every girl in Hawkins would be fighting for your attention,” she frowned, littering kisses across his face. “Well, everyone except Nancy and Robin.”

He groaned in displeasure, “Do you want to get fucked or do you wanna talk about them? It’s one or the other baby.”

“I need you to fuck me,” she smiled innocently, grinding down on him with an experimental roll of her hips. The satisfied moan caught in her throat, the friction being nearly too much to handle after the teasing she’d received.

“That’s right, sweetheart,” he nearly purred, his gorgeous, massive hands holding onto her hips. The cool metal of his rings made her eyes roll back as they settled on her heated flesh. She felt herself slipping back into the hazy headspace she’d been in earlier. 

She had never considered herself very submissive —  a switch at best — but Eddie brought something out of her that she’d never felt before. And it terrified her. Being with Eddie was so different than the other guys she’d fucked. She knew Eddie would hand her the reins of control as soon as she asked, if she ever asked; he would indulge her every whim without a single hesitation. And because of that, she let herself float into it without fighting it for the first time. 

She semi consciously realized Eddie could tell exactly when she let herself go, his grin curling into one that was more smug, and deeply self satisfied. “That’s it, there’s my good girl,” he sighed, “Been waiting for you to let me behind those walls you built, sweetheart. Knew you’d be the perfect little pet for me,” he cooed, pushing his thumb past her lips.

She ground down on his erection, spit leaking from the corner of her mouth lewdly as he pushed down on her tongue with the pad of his finger, keeping her head still while the other directed her hips.

“Gonna fuck you now, s’that okay princess?” He slurred, his head tipping back as he bucked his hips into hers unconsciously. She nodded, mewls of approval falling from her open mouth making him laugh. “Alright, alright, gimme one second sweetheart.”

Without moving his thumb from her mouth, he managed to shimmy his pants and boxers down to free his cock — hard and leaking pearly beads of pre cum that made her drool and her pussy clench in excitement. “Please, my love, please,” she slurred, her hands trembling where they were bunched in his shirt.

“Anything for you,” he smiled. He hooked one long finger under the lace, pulling it to the side to expose her cunt, strings of arousal clinging to the thin fabric lewdly. A pleased hum left him as he stared at her, removing his thumb from between her lips with a pop before aligning his cock with her entrance, the blunt head pressed against her firmly. “Ready baby?”

She nodded absently, too fixated on the golden expanse of his forearms to properly retain any of the words he was saying. The veins and tendons under the skin, and the patches of dark black ink were something that captivated her attention even when he wasn’t about to fuck her senseless. But when he was — it was downright sinful. Especially when they gave way to his hands, God’s most beautiful creation. Wide, rough palms that bled into long, thick fingers, which just so happened to be holding something else long and thick, something she loved nearly as much as his hands: his cock. 

“Princess, I need you to look at me,” he said sharply. Her eyes flew to his, confusion and concern swirling in her brain, and evidently her eyes, because his eyes softened, pulling her closer for a moment to press a kiss to the space between her eyebrows, “You weren’t listening to me like a good girl, and I need you to pay attention to what I’m about to say,” he smiled, his tone soft. “If you need me to stop, you say red, got it? No matter what, if you need a break or something hurts or you don’t like what’s happening, or even if you just start to feel uncomfortable, you say red and we’re done. Got it?”

“Yes master,” she smiled, warmth filling her chest as he spoke.

He snarled in response, both of his hands finding her hips as he seated her on his cock, bottoming out nearly instantly. She choked on her groan, having to grab the elaborate headpiece of the throne to steady herself. She could have sworn she felt him in the back of her throat he was hitting so deep, and his girth was nothing to laugh at — it usually took three fingers to prepare her to take him — but the pain ebbing into pleasure was more intoxicating than any drug she’d ever done.

Without thinking, she pulled herself almost all the way off him before dropping back into his lap forcefully, ripping deep, low moans out of the both of them. “Do it again,” he ordered, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her as she began riding him desperately. “That’s it, my good girl, you’re doing so well for me, sweetheart,” he praised, his hips meeting her thrusts evenly.

“Eddie,” she moaned shamelessly. The knowledge they were in school, and it wasn’t even 9am passed through her brain briefly, but as soon as it came it had gone, replaced only by the thought of Eddie’s cock kissing her cervix as he changed angles slightly.

“My princess, my sweet girl. You’re mine, you got that? You’ve always been mine, but fuck, sweetheart, I’m never gonna let you go now, do you hear me? Now that I know you love me as much as I love you.”

She couldn’t find words to convey to him how much she loved him, but her head was filled with flashes of images — of their future together. Graduating together, moving into their own place, eventually getting married, and achieving their dreams together; she could see it all, in perfect color with every thrust of his hips it became more clear. She wanted to chalk it up to being cockdrunk, but she knew it wasn’t. She’d found her other half.

In the beautiful boy that had a smile that lit up the darkest corners of her mind, the same one who she’d nearly lost multiple times in the twisted hellscape that still haunted her memories. Her life had restarted the second Dustin re-introduced them, standing in the parking lot less than 100 feet away. He had protected her, saved her — loved her — in spite of it all. 

She didn’t know how she hadn’t screamed her love for him every second of the day before then, because it flowed out of her pores like a river now. She wasn’t sure she could keep it in if she tried. 

She loved his messy curls, even now as they stuck to his forehead and became frizzier with sweat. She loved his big brown eyes and the way she could read every emotion in them at a moment's glance, but especially when they sparkled with mischief like they did at that very moment. She loved his insane tangents about obscure nerd lore, his scatterbrained messiness, his compulsive need to learn new guitar riffs even if it meant staying up until 4am before they had to go to school. 

She hadn’t noticed she’d started crying until she felt his tongue on her cheek, licking away the spilled tear before his eyes rolled back in his head. “My precious little pet, cum for me,” he cooed, “Obey your master.”

She hadn’t even noticed she was close, but as soon as his words permeated her brain she was shaking as the waves of her orgasm wracked through her body, a high pitched squeal wrenching out of her vocal cords, muffled only by Eddie’s hand slapping over her mouth quickly. 

“Fuck baby, I know I told you to scream for me, but we really don’t wanna get caught,” he smirked, his thrusts shallowing as he worked her through her orgasm.

“I love you, I love you so much, I don’t even understand how much I do,” she babbled softly, her brain scrambling to put words together in a coherent fashion. “I love when you hold my hand and how you talk to me and when you play guitar. I love your scars and your tattoos and your fingers and your cock and your eyes. Fuck, Eddie,” she sobbed incoherently, “Please!”

She felt weightless for a second as he stood, not moving from inside her as he slammed her back down onto the table. He hovered over her for a moment, staring into her eyes as he caressed her face softly, “God you’re fucking everything,” he groaned before snapping his hips into hers brutally.

The sheer force of him forced the sounds out of her — desperate, whiny, needy little moans that would have made her embarrassed on any other day — the ability to speak no longer in her grasp.

“You would have told me a year ago that my dream girl would be crying because of my cock and telling me she loved me? I would have thought I was dreaming,” he muttered, his teeth grit in determination as he pounded into her. “Too fuckin’ good for me. My Luthien. I’ll spend an eternity trying to prove myself worthy of you, sweetheart, in this life, the next, and every one after that.”

She felt her second orgasm approaching fast, her vision nearly going black with the force of its impending devastation. Her only tether to reality was Eddie’s hands on her skin, one hand holding hers and the other wrapped around her throat.

“Kiss me, please,” she croaked, pressing her heel into his back as her free hand grabbed his neck, pulling him closer as her orgasm tore through her like a tidal wave.

He groaned, his hips stuttering to a stop as he collapsed onto her, his lips finding hers as if they were drawn together like magnets. She could feel him throbbing inside her, coating the velvety walls of her cunt.

“Fuck, I’ve never cum that hard in my life,” he laughed breathlessly after he detached his lips from hers.

“Me either,” she shivered, the sweat on her skin cooling as they came down from their high together.

He smiled down at her softly, working his hands under her back before lifting her off the table easily, settling back into his throne with her body tucked into his chest. He pulled his jacket over her shoulders, combing his fingers through her hair gently, pressing his lips to her forehead every so often.

She felt the feeling come back to her slowly, Eddie’s warmth seeping into her skin. “You doin’ okay, sweetheart?” He mumbled, making her hum happily in response. “I’m sorry pretty girl, but we’re running out of time.”

“S’okay babe, I just need to feel my legs again so I don’t collapse in the hall and have to explain to Principal Higgins you shattered my pelvis with your dick in the theater room instead of going to home room,” she sighed airily.

His rumbling laugh shook her body, “I think Higgins would croak then and there if you did that princess.”

“Who would I be to take your graduation plans away from you? Flipping Higgins the bird and all,” she chuckled, kissing his neck softly before sitting back from his embrace. “God that was stupid, I don’t know how I’m gonna stay awake the rest of the day.”

“You think that’s bad? I’m gonna be hard all day thinking about the way you looked, shit and the way you cried for me?” Eddie scoffed teasingly, leaning forward to press his lips to hers again.

She sank into his kiss easily, the tension fading from her body. Before she could get too wrapped up in him she pulled away sharply, “Hey, no, you can’t trick me. We need to get up, and you need to go to class, because I swear to God, Munson, if you fail and need to go to summer school and fuck up our plans… Let’s just say eternity will be a little bit shorter for you.”

“I know, I know,” he grumbled, “Bratty little thing,” he huffed to himself, putting his hands on her hips. He lifted her off him with a groan, quickly covering her exposed cunt with her underwear before giving it a quick tap, making her jump. “Gotta keep that in baby, don’t wanna be making a mess during chemistry class, now do you?”

“I can’t believe I’m in love with you,” she rolled her eyes, lifting herself off his lap with shaky legs.

He hummed smugly before grinning, “But you are,” he mocked her, pulling his jeans and boxers back up around his hips.

“I can take it back,” she shrugged, hiding the smirk on her face as he gasped in mock outrage.

“You said the words, sweetheart, you pledged yourself to me. You knew the consequences,” he smiled, dropping to his knees in front of her. She flushed seeing him stare up at her, big brown eyes full of love and adoration.

“My Beren,” she smiled softly, threading her fingers into his curls, and she wasn’t sure his smile could get any wider.

“I should have known, my pet doesn’t miss a detail, not even when she’s low on blood flow to her brain and fucked out,” he grinned, kissing the skin above the strip of lace. “But that’s right, angel. You’re the Luthien to my Beren.”

He grabbed her leg, shifting her weight to balance on one foot as he lifted the other, slipping her shorts up. His nimble fingers tying the ribbons to sit flush against her thighs. “Thank you, my love.”

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he beamed at her, standing up to his full height. “Now, we’ve got a couple minutes. How about I help you hobble to class?”

“I would be eternally grateful,” she rolled her eyes, “Seeing as you’re the reason I won’t be able to walk across the stage at graduation next week.”

“Not my fault my dick is so big,” he shrugged with a smirk, making her choke as she glared at him. “Aw, my pet is choking for me and my cock isn’t even in your mouth.”

Whatever response she had died on her tongue as he lifted her off the ground at the blinding smile on his face, his hand held out to her. She couldn’t fight her own smile as she took it, strolling out of the theater room out into the hall as the bell rang. 

He walked her all the way to her chemistry classroom, her backpack slung over his shoulder and her hand in his. He pulled her to a stop just outside the door, crowding her against an empty stretch of lockers.

She felt her cheeks warm as he stared down at her, leaning against the doorframe. He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off with a kiss and a breathless, “I love you.”

“I love you too, princess. I’ll meet you here in an hour,” he smiled softly, pressing one last kiss to her head before turning around and sauntering toward Mrs. O’Donnel’s classroom.

She didn’t make it 5 steps before Nancy’s voice rang out behind her. “Why are you walking like that?”

“I have no idea what you’re—“

“Did you really skip first period to fuck Munson?” She deadpanned, making her smirk. “I love you, but you’re disgusting.”

“You have no idea…” she trailed off, taking her seat. Nancy simply rolled her eyes and opened her textbook. After a moment of silence she turned to Nancy with a wry grin. “So do you wanna know what happened?”

Nancy slammed her textbook shut with a snap, a small smile on her face, “Alright, I guess you can tell me everything.”

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil

Do you think its possible to get recognition as an artist (of any kind, singer/songwriter, author, painter, video game creator) without also being good at marketing and social media?

It feels like these days, success and recognition is all dependent on how present you are, constantly advertising a product even if you aren’t selling it.

I just wish I could be one of those people who publicize a hit game or hit book and dont interact online and comment on anything but people still see it and like it — because I just want to share my creations but with appreciation for it.

I know its “make art for yourself!” Which I do, but I want the art I make for myself to also make others happy and connect with my work. I just feel intimidated and uncomfortable by Big Social Media and Algorithms and Following Trends etc.

Then just make the art and don’t worry about it. I used to do Twitter because I loved doing Twitter. I’m only here on Tumblr because I enjoy being on Tumblr. I’m around a bit on Bluesky because the people seem nice.

Mostly what I miss are the online communities that existed when I was young, none of which were about advertising product and all of which were about connecting with like-minded others. I miss CompuServe and GEnie in particular.

I think the age of Social Media as advertising feels like it’s drawing to a close.

[nerdy-novelist017]

A Date (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader Pt 3)

Thank you so much for all your kind words, likes and reblogs on my last two posts! You guys are keeping me so entertained with the comments!

Ugh I rewrote this like 3 times :( I just couldn't get it right and I'm still not sure how I feel about it OH WELL

Benny x Bunny Masterlist

Word Count- 2.2K

Summary- You were sure you'd never see Benny Cross again. . . you were wrong.

******

“Benny’s been asking for ya.”

Your heart skipped a beat and you nearly dropped the receiver into the bowl of cake batter. Kathy’s statement came out of left field, the two of you having been discussing the latest news on the block – what kind of lipstick Sheryl Dickie uses that somehow always lasts an entire night of bar hopping. “What?”

“Yeah, says he’s real desperate to ask you somethin’,” Kathy’s tone was flippant, but you’ve known her long enough to hear the excitement she’s hiding in her voice.

“What could he possibly have to talk to me about?” You asked as you set the whisk down and moved around the kitchen counter to peak down the hallway towards the living room where you knew your father sat in his large recliner, watching a rerun of Bonanza. 

“I dunno, maybe you should come to another meetin’ so you can find out.”

“No, I’m not going to anymore of those.” you declared firmly, yanking the cord so that the phone was up to your other ear. “I don’t know how you can stand being around those guys.”

Kathy laughed, the static spiking. “C’mon, they’re fun, and you know it. Did you tell your parents how you got to ride on the back of a Vandal’s bike, and not just any Vandal!”

“No!” you squeaked. “And they’re never going to know. It was a one-time thing.”

“It doesn’t have to be. They’re having another meetin’ tonight. I’m sure Benny could pick you up–”

“Well, I can’t tonight,” you cut her off. “I have plans.”

“What plans?”

“My date.”

“Date?” Kathy asked, voice lowering dubiously. “With who?”

“Pete,” you said quietly. 

“Who?” she asked again.

You sighed. “Pete? The guy from Mama’s church?” 

Pete was introduced to you last week by your mother who was introduced to him by his mother. It was a train of people who wanted to matchmake, to see young love blossom before their eyes, even if it was forced. Pete was nice enough and he had kind eyes that sat behind wide-rimmed glasses. You’d been on one other date with him. He was an engineering student in his first year and he talked a lot about his school. He liked school. And he liked to golf nearly every weekend (his family belonged to the country club on the upper side of town). And mostly – he talked a lot about himself. He seemed to really like himself too.

“Oh, okay.” Kathy sounded unimpressed.

“My family really likes him. My dad likes him.”

“Yeah?” 

At her unenthusiastic response, you added quickly, “And I’m excited!”

“Is that why you’re stress-baking?” Kathy inquired as if she could sense it.

You glance down at the bowl of cake batter. No, it wasn’t, actually. You weren’t nervous to go on your second date with Pete; he didn’t make her nervous, didn’t fill your belly with those pesky butterflies. Pete was . . . just Pete. No, you were stress-baking because of a certain blonde Bikerider whose ocean blue eyes wouldn’t leave your thoughts all night. You were up, tossing and turning, replaying every moment with him like a broken record. It was one ride, the logical side of your mind had to say, and you’ll never see him again. You allowed yourself the rest of the night to think about him, and then you wouldn’t set aside any more time. 

In theory, it was a nice strategy. But when you woke up today, your thoughts were absolutely clouded with him and his incredibly direct eye-contact and his deeply rich voice and his hand touching your thigh and his lips encasing the cigarette—

You were doing it again! It had been one ride! One ride and a few hours. One ride where your arms wrapped so tightly to his solid form. One ride where he showed you places you’d never seen before, from a point of view you’d never been before. One ride where you felt as though you were seeing the world in a whole new light. One ride that you couldn’t get out of your head.

“Yes, because of Pete,” you replied evenly. “And I’m going to have a good time with him tonight.”

There’s a smile in her voice when she says, “Okay, sure. Say, what restaurant did ya say he was takin’ you?”

********

Thanking the driver, you stepped out of the cab, your heels connecting softly with the concrete of the sidewalk. Taking a moment to smooth any wrinkles on your pink dress, your gaze fluttered across the street to the restaurant Pete told you to meet him at. 

Ricardo’s was one of the most expensive restaurants in town, somewhere you never found yourself frequenting, but Pete absolutely gushed about their food. Coming from old money, Pete had no hesitation picking here for your second date. Pete’s family was well off, that’s what your mother liked to point out. He was a good boy with good money. He would provide for you, buy you a nice house with a picket fence in the front yard. A safe bet for the same routine life that nearly all the women of your family had spanning back several generations.

You made your way across the street, eyes taking in the lineup of expensive cars parked out front: Mercedes, Rolls Royce, Cadillac . . . Harley-Davidson motorcycle. You did a double-take at the shiny metal glinting underneath the streetlamp, eyes traveling upwards to the figure leaning casually against it. He was looking at the restaurant, head turned to give a generous view of his profile, and he hadn’t noticed you yet. For a split second, you considered taking advantage of that and booking it into the front door before he had a chance to stop you. But some deeply intrinsic part of you yearned to memorize every detail of him and you simply couldn’t look away. As a moth drawn to flame, you were drawn to him, to the golden streaks of his hair, down to the strong slope of his nose, the curve where his top lip sat so perfectly against the bottom – even with the cigarette tucked between. He wore long sleeves under his club jacket and the same distressed jeans from your last encounter. Half shrouded in the darkness of night, with the orange glow of the streetlight nearest to him, he looked like a beacon of mystery. Abandoning your previous course, you turned and approached him.

“What are you doing here?” You asked once you were close enough for him to hear you. 

Benny turned and a smile broke out over his features, eyes sweeping down your figure. “Do you dress like that all the time or only when you’re gonna see me?” He asked, nodding to your dress and heels. 

You stopped about 6 feet away from him (a reasonable distance), hopping up onto the sidewalk. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” 

“What a chance encounter,” he proclaimed with a secretive wink that sent your stomach on a roller coaster ride. 

“Chance encounter, or Kathy’s loose lips?” you quipped and he rubbed a hand over his mouth to keep from smiling, fingers grazing through the blonde, recently-trimmed facial hair.  

“Why are you here?” You asked again, this time a touch quieter.  

“Well, I have a coupon,” he replied simply.

You couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at your lips, your brows raising incredulously. “A coupon? To Ricardo’s?”

“Mm-hm,” he nodded, straight-faced.

You rolled your eyes at his antics. He had a coupon, your ass. A well-dressed elderly couple walked past you both on the sidewalk, each shooting a look of disapproval toward the dirty young man leaning against his death machine. Benny seemed not to notice them, his gaze still on you. 

“Why are you here?” he questioned.

“I–I have a date,” you replied and desperately tried to ignore the heat rising to your face at the admission. “But something tells me you already know that.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, looking down to the ground for all of five seconds before his gaze flashed back up to you. “Wanna go for a ride, Little Bunny?”

“What? No.” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Why not?”

“Well, I just told you I'm here for a date,” you replied with a tilt of your head. 

Benny shrugged. “So?”

You shook your head but he continued, “Why are you wastin’ your time with dates when we’re gonna be married anyway?”

Your mouth fell open in surprise. The nerve on this guy! Part of you was surprised that he still had it in his head of marrying you. You thought maybe he had a few too many beers last night or was just smooth-talking you so that you’d let him sleep with you. But here he was, showing up on the sidewalk, giving you those puppy eyes. You’d already denied him once. Could he not take a hint?

“I don’t recall you ever asking.” you pointed out, feeling emboldened by his casual attitude. 

He perked up at that, tossing the remainder of his cigarette to the ground. “You want me to ask?”

You fought to remain neutral-faced at his playfulness. “No, thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me . . . I have a date.” One that you were excited about before you caught sight of Benny and your train of thoughts completely derailed.

Benny held his hands up in a conciliatory way and you turned on your heel, leaving him out on the streets as you made your way inside.

******

The clock on the far wall seemed to be mocking you, minutes ticking by mercilessly. You resisted looking at it, instead planting your chin in the palm of your hand as you watched the door, waiting for Pete’s familiar face to appear. It had been over an hour. He was over an hour late for your date. 

Each time the waitress returned to fill your glass of water, you told yourself a new lie. He was just stuck at work, he’ll be here soon. He was running behind getting ready, he’ll be here soon. There must have been an emergency, he’ll be here soon. He wouldn’t stand you up, he’ll be here soon. 

But as the seconds passed, you sunk further and further into your seat, humiliation forming a ball in your stomach. Surely, he had gotten his days mixed up? He really seemed to enjoy your first date, so why was he nowhere to be seen. Every time someone walked through the front door, the little bell chiming above, you glanced up, certain it would be him. But it never was. At first, you were angry. How could he have the audacity to leave you hanging without so much as calling you before he left if he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it. Then a bitter thought came to mind: what if he stood you up because he didn’t want to go out with you again. What if you weren't good enough for him. You had spent your whole life on the never ending hamster wheel of trying to be good enough for everyone else. Was your hard work even noticed?

Recognizing the sting of unshed tears, you looked down at the napkin folded neatly in your lap, blinking rapidly in an attempt to get control of yourself. The bell chimed over the front door, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look over at it, not wanting to feel the crushing disappointment of another wealthy customer walking inside and not your date. 

Then a flash of dark clothing popped across from you and you looked up just as Benny Cross slid into the empty seat. You opened your mouth, but no words came out. He leaned forward, elbows of his leather jacket propped over the tablecloth.

“Pete not show?” he asked, expression solemn. 

Your ears burned and you shook your head. Too preoccupied by your embarrassment, it didn’t even occur to you that you had never told him Pete’s name. 

He frowned and he genuinely appeared upset. Unable to maintain his direct gaze, you glanced away and caught the eyes of everyone else in the restaurant staring wide-eyed at the two of you. You realized that it was Benny who they were gawking at. And you didn’t seem to notice until now that he looked totally out of place with his worn clothes and dirty hands. As if sensing their not-so-subtle staring, Benny turned and looked about the room.

“What’s with all the stiff shirts in here?” he asked, sending you a conspiratorial glance. “I think they might be intimidated by you.”

“Me?” You furrowed your brow. It definitely wasn’t you they were looking at. In fact, the only person who was staring at you was Benny. 

“Yeah, I bet they’ve never seen anyone as pretty as you. Most people haven’t and they don't know how to act when they do.” He grinned and you had to look down at your lap as heat rose to your face.  

“I guess Pete wouldn’t agree,” you muttered quietly, feeling the anger in your heart fizzle out to meer disappointment. 

“Fuck Pete,” Benny said passionately, causing an elderly woman behind you to gasp and you giggled, shocked at his language. Benny was bad, he was trouble . . . but he was also fun, and you couldn’t hide your eagerness as he leaned his arms across the table, moving closer to address you privately. 

“You wanna get out of here, Bunny?” His question sent a gust of anticipation through your veins. 

“Yeah,” you admitted, smiling shyly. 

He stood quickly and you followed in suit. Then he did something that caused a wave of butterflies to roll through your stomach; he reached out and clasped his hand with you, interlocking fingers tightly. You grinned, excitement making you feel light and airy as he pulled you through the restaurant, past all the staring faces and harsh whispers and out the door into the night which felt alive with a whole new feeling of possibilities. 

*Tag List*

@imusicaddict @elizabeth916 @jaiuneamesolitaiire @dudii4love @ironmooncat @beebeechaos @astrogrande @pearlparty @themorriganisamonster @sillylittlethrowaway @ughdontbeboring @penwieldingdreamer @charmingballoon @eugene-emt-roe  @sunnbib @semperamans @groovyangelkisses @killerqueenfan

[idiopathicsmile]

School Gymnastics: A Tragicomedy

So one day when we were in third grade, our P.E. teacher divided us into girls and boys. (I don’t remember what the boys had to do. Wrestling? Tackle football? I don’t know, probably not at age nine, but that’s not the point. Gladiatorial combat? I still don’t really understand kids’ sports.)

What matters for this story is that all the girls had to do gymnastics. Now—and I suspect this won’t surprise you if you know literally anything about me—I was always terrible at any form of school athletics. I am intensely, almost impressively uncoordinated. This doesn’t affect my life much at 36, but it was often a miserable way to be a kid. The only playground game I liked was playing pretend, because when you are playing pretend, you don’t have a bunch of people ostensibly on your side screaming in your ear, “Pretend faster! Pretend over there! Pretend with greater accuracy!”

Anyway, gymnastics and my clumsy, doughy little body. I couldn’t do a cartwheel. I couldn’t do a backwards somersault. I couldn't do any of it. We had an entire unit on this business and I literally did not learn how to even safely attempt a single move besides the log roll (lie flat and roll sideways on your belly). In retrospect, this seems like maybe it was in part a teaching problem, not a me problem, but that’s actually not the point either.

The point is, at the end of the unit, we were told to divide ourselves into little teams and choreograph a group gymnastics routine. My group, faced with my long list of limitations (more limitation than girl, really) decide my role will be to just forwards-somersault around the rest of the group as they do their moves. (This is itself kind of embarrassing but trust me, it is but the appetizer.) My friend Ashley has the Lion King soundtrack and we all agree that it is a great choice. The movie has only come out a couple of years earlier, and it of course features some funny, peppy options. 'Hakuna Matata'? 'I Just Can't Wait to Be King'? It's all coming together.

Carried on a wave of youthful enthusiasm, none of us even think to double-check which track Ashley has picked. Foreshadowing!

So the day of the performance comes. Another group goes right before us. They had picked “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, which was a huge hit at the time. I mean, it still is because it’s a classic, but then it was big and new. They step onto the mat and immediately begin to do choreographed dance moves, which they have worked into their routine. We had not thought of this. Oops. Dance moves, of course! So they incorporate the necessary gymnastics, it goes over really well, the energy is high, and now it’s my group’s turn.

I take my place at the edge of the mat, the mat we are required to stay on for the length of the piece. Ashley cues up the track she’d chosen.

A song starts up. Instantly, I recognize it from the movie. It is the very slow instrumental music that plays when Simba realizes his dad is dead.

‘Well, this is not optimal,’ I think. I've been on this planet for nine years; I can see that much. But it’s too late to change the track, and so I tell myself, ‘It’s okay. I’m a performer. I can sell this.’ I put on an extremely solemn face and begin to execute a series of the world’s saddest somersaults.

Friends, when I say “sad” I mean it, in every possible sense of the word. Picture a nine year old with the gravest possible affect, determinedly doing somersaults to the slowest, most serious music she can imagine, in a careful ring around her friends who have actually learned any gymnastics whatsoever. Okay, now as the music starts to pick up and get more hopeful, imagine she gets real dizzy and in front of everyone, she rolls all the way directly off the mat, careening dangerously towards the assembled students.

Somehow, I roll myself back onto the mat, we survive what feels like hours of humiliation, we stagger away, and I blessedly avoid adding “puking my guts out in front of all of my peers” to my very short list of gymnastics tricks.

Later, I asked Ashley what in the world possessed her to choose that song.

“It didn’t have any words,” she said.

(There was absolutely no rule against using songs that had lyrics.)

Anyway, that’s why being an adult is better than being a kid.

I may have to do laundry and make my own dinner and wrestle with more complex existential angst, but you know what I haven’t been asked to do in like 26 years? Somersault for three minutes straight to the musical shorthand for “this cartoon lion cub has no choice but to process the weight of unimaginable grief for his dead dad.” And you know what? If I live another 50 years, I can be pretty confident nobody will ask me to do it then, either.

[bbyleiah]

CARNAL - CHOSO KAMO ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ In which Choso is dating the reader’s best-friend but is secretly in love with the reader and blinded with an insatiable lust for her. What happens when he can no longer hold back his cravings for her? ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

cw: black fem sub!reader, switch!choso, cheating, dry humping (he humps the reader’s hand in a movie theater), drooling, oral sex (f!receiving), pleasure dom!choso, praise kink (choso loves praise), biting, lots of fluids, fingering, missionary position, choking, overstimulation, desperate choso, whiny choso, choso begs a lot, sexually frustrated choso, obsessed choso, unprotected sex, creampie, lots of dirty talk, marking, etc.

word count : no clue honestly 😭.

sn : I wrote this based on a movie I watched that inspired me 😭. I don’t condone cheating but it’s fun to write about sometimes 🫣.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑⊱••⭑

“What if he’s asexual?” Your bestfriend; Jayla wondered as she laid out on your bed while you got dressed. “He could be. Or maybe sex just isn’t on his mind.” You hummed as you put on a red Ed Hardy sweat set that was cute but simple. She tutted in disbelief, “Girl be serious. He’s a man. Of course sex is on his mind.” She said assuredly. “Well maybe he’s just shy then. You know how he is.” You laughed.

“How long can a person be shy for though? It’s been three months and he hasn’t even kissed me fully yet. I feel like we’re in some kind of kindergarten relationship.” She groaned in exaggerated despair. “That is a little questionable..but give him time. He could be waiting for the right moment, you know? Maybe he’s a traditional romantic.” You tried your best to ease her worries.

She sighed, “We’ll see. I don’t want to seem like I’m desperate though but I just hate feeling unwanted by my own boyfriend.” She pouted. “Awh, I get it. I’m sure Choso doesn’t want you to feel that way. Just talk to him about it, okay?” You comforted her with a hug. “I will. After the movie.” She huffed softly and as if on cue Choso pulled up. The three of you were going to see a movie together that Jayla had been raving about.

You were used to being their third wheel so you didn’t mind it. You met Choso through Jayla and the two of you naturally became acquainted. You considered him a good friend and he treated Jayla well mostly so you approved of him. “You two almost ready?” He asked as he walked in and stood at your bedroom door. Jayla immediately threw herself on him, peppering his face in kisses and telling him how much she missed him.

“Yuck. Don’t taint my room with that mushy shit.” You commented with faux distaste as you laughed. “Haterr. Go get you a man.” Jayla teased and you flipped her off. “I don’t need a man boo, I’m cool where I’m at.” You laughed honestly as you applied your usual brown lip liner and lip gloss combo. “Hey Cho~” you greeted him with a hug once you were ready to go. “Hey (✰)” he greeted back politely, as the two of you hugged.

Choso couldn’t help the way his eyes fluttered slightly as he inhaled your sweet scent. A sigh itching to release from his chest at the way you patted the back of his head the way you always did whenever the two of you hugged. He knew that he shouldn’t be this affected by you, especially over a hug that was less than a second long. But it seemed Choso always lost a bit of his composure whenever he was near you.

You were completely unaware of the impact your presence had on Choso. Simply viewing him as your bestfriend’s boyfriend and a decent guy that you were around often. You sat in the backseat, tuning out Jayla and Choso’s couple talk on the ride to the theater. “Sis, I was thinking that maybe me and Cho could sit separately from you?” Jayla suddenly suggested once you guy’s arrived at the theater.

It caught you off guard for a second until you saw the mischievous look in her eye and realized her plan. “Ohh, that’s cool with me. I don’t need you two ruining my movie experience anyways.” You shrugged with a laugh. “Wait, why would we sit separately?” Choso cut in, clearly oblivious. You and Jayla glanced at each other knowingly. “Because babe, don’t you want a little privacy?” She attempted to hint and convince him.

“That’s rude to (✰) though. Otherwise we shouldn’t have brought her along. She can sit with us.” He expressed, seemingly trying to stick up for you. “Oh, you don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine on my ow-“ you attempted to reassure him but Choso cut in again. “No. You’re sitting with us.” He stated, leaving no room for objections as he got out of the car. You were dumbfounded and Jayla was fuming.

“Well..sorry honey. But I mean you can still get your freak on..I’ll just act like I’m not there.” You told her, feeling awkward now. “Ugh, he’s so stupid.” was all Jayla grumbled as she got out of the car with you following after her. You tried to ignore the tension floating around now as you guys got seated in the theater. Choso sat in the middle while you and Jayla sat on each side of him. The movie started with no words exchanged between the three of you.

You just focused on the movie and munched on popcorn quietly while paying no mind to the tense couple next to you. About 40 or so minutes into the movie while you were intently watching the film, Jayla was busy trying to make her move once again. She was easing her hand up Choso’s thigh, trying to get him hard as her hand trailed over his crotch. Choso tensed, uncomfortable and far from turned on.

He didn’t want to hurt her feelings but he also didn’t want to be touched by her. “Stop babe.” He whispered as he physically moved her hand off him. Jayla was embarrassed now and fed up, tears filling her eyes. “Fuck you choso.” She muttered as she got up and stormed out of the theater. That’s when you finally pulled your attention away from the huge screen to gather what occurred next to you. “What happened? Is Jay okay?” You asked Choso, concerned about your bestfriend.

Choso couldn’t focus much on your question, too distracted by the way your breath tingled against his earlobe as you whispered to him. “She’s alright..just a little upset right now. I’ll check on her later.” He muttered once he gathered his thoughts, although you found it a little odd that he didn’t seem as concerned as you were. “Are you two good? It seems the two of you haven’t been on the same page lately..” you knew that bringing this up during a movie probably wasn’t the best choice but you had to know his perspective.

He sighed, “My mind’s just been a little off lately. I’m working on it though so I can be better for Jayla.” He half told the truth and half lied. “You know you can talk to me about whatever’s been on your mind..if you don’t feel comfortable talking with Jayla.” You offered, innocently and just out of kindness. Choso couldn’t possibly tell you that the thing that’s been harboring his mind was you. He thought about you way more than he should and it made him feel terrible but you were ingrained in his head. Everything about you.

“I don’t know if I can tell you either though…even if I wanted to.” He whispered as he looked into your eyes. The lights illuminating from the theater screen making him appear in flashes of bright lights and darkness. Even if you couldn’t see him clearly, you could feel the hardness of his stare and the way it left goosebumps on your skin because of the words and emotions hidden within his usually dead eyes.

“I’m a safe space Cho..you can trust me..” you said softly as your hand moved to grab his in a comforting manner. You didn’t know what was going on with Choso but you knew how much Jayla loved him so you wanted to be there for him for her sake. Choso felt something inside him awaken at the feel of your skin on his. He wanted so so badly to kiss your hand all the way up to those pretty glossed up lips of yours. Wanted to see the way the gloss would smear and make you look a mess with his spit coating your lips after he shoved his tongue down your throat.

He could just imagine the way you’d whine into his mouth and grow breathless with each kiss he gave you. If he could he would shove his fingers into your cunt right in the middle of this theater. Knowing how pretty you’d look squirming and trying to hold back those heavenly moans. Unable to quiet the faint squelching of your wet cunt squeezing his thick fingers. The lewd sound being drowned out by the booming speakers within the enclosed theater.

Choso snapped out of his perverted fantasy when you gave his hand a light squeeze. “Cho sweetie, are you okay?” You asked, now feeling concerned for him as well. Choso nodded, a blush creeping up his neck once realizing how hard he was in his black baggy jeans. His cock was throbbing over a simple hand hold and his own imagination. He was pathetic. “You look a little sick though honey..” you frowned as you placed your hand on his forehead and on the sides of his face and neck, checking his temperature.

Choso had to hold back a groan at the physical attention you were giving him. Biting down on his bottom lip as he soaked up the bare minimal touch you were providing him. He loved feeling your flesh against his. He craved it. To him, it was better than any drug. You started to pull your hand away but choso grabbed it with a startling bruising grip. “D-Don’t stop..your touch is nice..” he breathed out as he looked at you with lidded eyes.

“Choso..maybe I should take you to a hospital..” you muttered, worried but also slightly freaked out. You had never seen Choso like this before. He seemed so stirred up when he was usually composed and level headed. “I don’t need a hospital. I’m fine, I just..” he didn’t know how to explain himself he just knew he wanted you to touch him. “Touch me. Please.”

You were stunned at his words, eyes wide and feeling like your ears were playing tricks on you. You were too busy processing his begging to register him moving your hand onto his crotch. The gasp you let out was immediate as Choso began rutting up into your palm. “Fuck..” he groaned under his breath as he melted under your touch. He slumped into the theater seat, eyes fluttering closed as he humped your hand like an animal in heat.

He didn’t have a strong hold on your hand so you could’ve easily removed it and stopped him but it seemed your body and brain weren’t in sync at the moment. You just watched, enamored as choso pathetically used your hand to get off. You could feel the way his cock throbbed and jumped under your palm. He was so hard and turned on and you didn’t have a clue as to why. “Feels good..” he whined into your neck as he buried his face into it, his head resting on your shoulder.

Perspiration began to coat your skin as choso panted against your neck while his hips continuously rocked against your pliant hand. You felt the urge to squeeze his cock, wanting to feel just how heavy and swollen it was. But the rational side of you knew it was wrong. That this whole situation was bad and shouldn’t be happening at all. It was hard to think straight though with choso whining and grunting into your ear, drool starting to dribble from his mouth and down your neck.

“C-Choso..we’re in public..” you managed to finally speak in a breathy whisper. Although it was disconcerting that those were first words to leave your mouth instead of more pressing issues like how choso was fucking your hand while your bestfriend was away who happened to be his girlfriend. “I know..j-just let me finish, please.” He whined as he pressed your hand down harder to add more friction. “Jayla will be back soon..” you reminded him, worry filling you again as you did a quick glance around for her.

Choso did not give a shit about any of that at the moment though. His mind solely focused on the warmth and pressure of your hand against his clothed cock. He wished so badly that he could feel you skin to skin but even he knew that it would be crossing a line that he wouldn’t be able to come back from. You tensed up this time once feeling Choso’s tongue lick up the side of your neck all the way up to your ear. You hated the way your cunt pulsed at the feeling, your thighs rubbing together instinctively.

Despite your mostly calm composure, you were getting turned on by this whole situation. It was hard not to be when Choso was acting so erotic and feral. You could feel the way your panties began to stick to your folds as you grew wet while choso pleasured himself to the feel of you against him. You were barely even touching him but with how he was acting you’d think you were actually fucking him. “want you so fucking badly..need you ngh.” He muttered against you as he moaned.

Against your better judgement and earlier restraint, you began to help him chase his orgasm. Your hand moving to stroke and squeeze his cock. It was worth it just to hear the way he fell apart and moaned your name. “Oh fuck, just like that. ah- you’re so fucking perfect. You’re the only one that gets me like this uhn-“ he rambled in between moans and whines. You could tell he was close by the way his breath quickened and how he began to thrust harder into your palm.

“Choso..” you began to utter his name and as soon as you did he came. That was all it took for him to spill ropes of thick cum into his pants. He bit down on your neck as he came to hold back his loud moan. You couldn’t fight the whimper you let out at the quick painful sting. He pulled back after he calmed down, sighing in content as he slouched in his seat again. His teeth marks left imprinted in your skin.

You didn’t know if it was good luck or karma having a sense of humor because Jayla came back right after. “We’re leaving. I’m done with this shit.” She said to you and choso. Choso was still out of it, seemingly dazed. An outsider would think he was high off something. Not knowing that something was you. You instantly snapped back into reality once hearing Jayla’s voice and seeing the state she was in. It was obvious she’d been crying with how red and puffy her eyes were.

“Uh Cho, I’ll walk to the car with Jay..you should get yourself together..” you told him. He just nodded in response. Jayla glared at him, hating his nonchalant attitude even though she knew that he knew she was upset. Choso was unbothered by her glare, his attention still focused on you as he licked his lips. You ignored his stare and began to walk out with Jayla huffing angrily beside you.

“I hate him. I’m tired of being the only one trying in this relationship. Am I just not attractive to him?” She asked you with tears in her eyes again. This time you didn’t have much of an answer for her. Especially after what just happened between you and choso. It played on a loop in your mind like a broken record. You discreetly tried to use your jacket to hide the bite mark on your neck. “Sis..I don’t know. He could be abstinent..?” You attempted to give her answers.

“Look, just focus on the romance aspect of your relationship for now. I’m sure sex will come eventually.” You reassured her with more confidence behind your words this time. She sighed, “I guess..it’s still embarrassing though that I tried to touch him in the theater and he told me to stop.” She frowned as the two of you got into the car. You remained silent, not having much of a response to that.

But you convinced yourself that it all made sense, that maybe that’s why choso was so turned on — because of Jayla. Not because of you. Your denial was very short lived though because your phone buzzed with a message from choso.

Cho-Cho 🚂 : 1 attachment

The notification had your heart feeling like it stopped beating for a moment. You were holding your breath as you opened it. You were deeply unprepared for the image that awaited you. Choso had sent you a picture of the mess he made in his pants. The cum soaked through his briefs and ran down his pants leg. The globs of cum stuck to his cock that was somehow still half hard. You immediately closed the message, shutting off your phone screen.

Choso knew you weren’t going to respond to his text but he still couldn’t help the disappointment that filled him when he saw that you left him on read. He cleaned himself up in the restroom before he joined the two of you in the car and began to drive. The car suddenly felt impossibly more stuffy when Choso got in. The heavy silence and tension was almost suffocating. Your mind was scrambled with how to handle this newfound situation.

A part of you cursed Choso for putting you in this predicament that could cost you to lose your bestfriend. Another part of you couldn’t fight the lingering arousal that wouldn’t leave your body. Your mind consumed with the way Choso turned into putty under your touch. You also had so many questions as to why Choso couldn’t get off with Jayla when his dick clearly wasn’t broken. Your string of thoughts came to a halt when Jayla broke the deafening silence in the car.

“Take me to my house. I’m not staying with you tonight.” She told Choso. He only hummed in response to her and with you knowing Jayla well, you knew that only made her more upset. “You’re not even going to apologize? Ask if I’m okay? Nothing?” She called him out. “M’tired, can we talk about this tomorrow?” He finally spoke with a bored lazy tone. Jayla scoffed, “This is some bullshit.” she muttered while shaking her head in disbelief.

It wasn’t much longer until the car came to a stop in front of Jayla’s house, even though the tension made the drive feel longer. Jayla shot one last glare at Choso and turned to you uttering a ‘kill him for me.’ before she got out of the car. She slammed the door, the sound making you cringe a little. You frowned watching her walk angrily into her home, feeling sympathetic but also guilty. “Come sit in the front.” Choso’s voice had your attention instantly on him.

His stare was intense on you and he seemingly appeared more relaxed than he had been when Jayla was in the car. “Uhm..I don’t think that’s a good idea. Speaking of which Cho, what happened earlier shouldn’t have happened and you should really apologize to Jay..if you’re feeling sexually frustrated? Or something..you should figure that out with her..” you struggled to find the right words. It was too awkward and you were still processing everything.

“I’m not sexually frustrated. Even if I was, the cause would be you. Not Jayla.” He said honestly and shock filled you again. “Don’t say that..” you muttered. “It’s the truth. Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?. I can’t fuck Jayla because all I think about is you.” He admitted. You were at a loss for words and he took your silence as his cue to keep talking. “Just your presence alone drives me crazy. The things I’d do to you if gave me the chance..fuck it’s all I think about.”

“How fuckin’ pretty you are and how pretty I know your pussy is too, how wet you could get for me, how good you’d feel pressed against me, and how sweet your moans would sound. I wanna feel your skin against mine so fucking badly. Feel like I’d die without it. Do you ever think of me like that?” He rambled and you could see the hope shining in his eyes as he awaited your response. Truthfully, you hadn’t thought about him in that way. until today, and now you felt conflicted.

You let out a breath before you spoke, “Choso…I shouldn’t think about you like that and you shouldn’t think about me like that either. You’re not mine.” You replied. You were trying your best to remain level headed and maintain boundaries despite the flutters in your chest and the ache between your legs. “I could be yours if you wanted me to be.” He said it with no hesitation, like his relationship with Jayla was the last thing on his mind.

Honestly, it was. He couldn’t think about anything other than you, especially when he was in your presence. He’d risk it all for you and that was becoming clearer to you the more he confessed. “I’d be so good for you. I’d do anything you’d ask of me.” He was bordering on begging now and you didn’t know how to react. You never had a man this desperate for you. It was foreign to you and it was especially jarring because it was the ever so stoic choso turning pathetic and subservient all for you.

While you were trying to gather up a proper response, Choso moved to get out of the car and climb into the backseat with you. “Wait-..what are you doing?” You asked him in confusion and slight shock. “Want to make you feel about me the way I do about you. Want you to sit on my face.” You didn’t know if your heart could handle any more of Choso’s unpredictable words and actions.

Your breath caught in your throat at his blunt request. “Don’t think about it…just let me show you how good I am, please?” He was whining now, his hands moving up your thighs. You couldn’t help the way your legs instinctively parted for him. His hands stopped at the band of your sweat pants, his eyes staring at you expectantly as he anxiously awaited your approval.

You knew you were going to regret this later but it was hard to say no to choso, especially when he was looking at you like that. “Lie back.” You breathed out. He instantly obeyed, lying down on the two backseats while you adjusted yourself to climb on top of him. It was a tight space but Choso didn’t seem to have any complaints, just eager to please you. You slid off your sweatpants and panties in one motion, tossing them aside.

Choso watched you with hungry eyes, panting softly as he grew excited and more eager by the second. A sliver of shame filled you at how wet you were already. Choso’s needy rambles spurred you on and now you intended to put his mouth to good use. You got comfortable as you hovered over his waiting mouth, shivers racking through you as his breath fanned against your slick cunt. He groaned as he breathed in the scent of your cunt, his eyes rolling a bit.

This was like his dream coming true. He already felt like he was in heaven and he hadn’t even tasted you yet. You bit down on your bottom lip as you lowered yourself down onto Choso’s face, cautious to not put all your weight on him. He didn’t waste a single second before dragging his tongue through your sodden folds. The two of you moaned in unison. He was hooked after that first taste, his arms moving to wrap around your legs as he held you down and began to eat your pussy like his life depended on it.

His tongue lapping sloppily at your cunt as he swallowed up all of your juices. Your hands tangled into his hair as you moaned and whined out, your hips rocking as you grinded down onto his tongue. “feels s’good cho” you whined as you continued to ride his face to your heart’s content. He loved the praise, feeling more eager to please you as he greedily ate you out. You were so wet, soaking the lower half of Choso’s face and his neck.

He couldn’t get enough of it, wanting to drown in your essence. He felt like he’d die a happy man suffocated between your legs. Your back arched and your legs closed tighter around his head as he began to suckle on your clit like it was his favorite hard candy. Swallowing up the sticky sap that gathered on the swollen nub. He moaned nonstop into your cunt, obsessed with the taste of you on his tongue. The vibrations of his moans causing your legs to tremble as you let out little whines and mewls.

“s-shit! choso s’too much” you cried out as Choso began to push his tongue into your little hole, fucking his tongue into you while you jerked and wailed. He tightened his grip on you to keep you still as his tongue explored your gummy walls. Tears filled your eyes at the immense pleasure. You were sensitive since you hadn’t had anyone touch you in a while and choso was turning your mind and body into mush. It seemed he knew exactly what to do to get you falling apart.

The fog in your brain got cleared up for a second when your phone began to ring. You whined and choso groaned in annoyance, slapping your thigh once you began to look for your phone. “Leave it.” He muttered into your cunt, his voice having more rasp to it than it did minutes ago. “J-Just let me check who it is…” you stuttered out in between moans. Reality hit you once seeing the caller was Jayla. You guessed she probably assumed you were home now and ranted to rant to you more.

“oh shit..” you breathed out. Guilt washed over you again as you realized the two of you were still parked outside of Jayla’s house while you were busy riding her boyfriend’s face. Choso nipped lightly at your clit, making you flinch and focus your attention back on him. His dark eyes were already looking up at you. “Ignore it.” He mumbled as he pulled away from your cunt to press wet kisses on your inner thighs.

“B-But..this is wrong choso..” you bit down on your lip as you began to contemplate everything. “Just stop thinking for right now. Worry about it later. I’m not stopping until you cum on my face princess.” He finally had you and he wasn’t going to let it go to waste. You whined, conflicted but deciding that since you had already started then you might as well finish. “Never again after this, okay?” You said as your hips began to move again.

“Mhm.” was all he hummed in response. He was gonna make sure that this wasn’t the last time but he’d let you believe that it was. Choso slid one of his fingers into your cunt as he continued lapping up all your sweet fluids. The stimulation successfully making your brain shut off again as you got lost in the way Choso’s played with your body. He groaned at the way your pussy spurt out more fluids, adding another finger into your greedy cunt.

“You’re like a fucking fountain.” He moaned as he drank up your sweet essence that was now soaking his hand. His fingers curling inside you and making you squeal and cry out. “Cho! m’gonna-!” You whined out as you fucked yourself on Choso’s fingers and his tongue with vigor, chasing your approaching orgasm. “You better fucking cum for me. I want all of it. Make a mess out of me pretty girl.” He encouraged as he thrusted his fingers into you faster.

He sucked your clit into his mouth again, rolling his tongue around it and you felt as if your brain short-circuited. Mouth parting in a silent moan as you came hard, soaking Choso’s face and adding to the mess you already created. “That’s it. s’fucking good.” He moaned, mewling in delight as he slurped up as much of your release as he possibly could. His tongue licking between the crease of your thigh to your hip. He seemed as if he wanted to devour every inch of you.

You whined and climbed off of choso to get him to stop his incessant licking at your body. He had the stamina to keep going but you were getting overstimulated. Embarrassment filled you once seeing the state you left him in. His pretty signature ponytails all messed up and undone, his lips swollen and red, his face and neck soaked with your essence down to his shirt. He had the biggest grin on his face though, happy that he got what he wanted.

You were heavily relaxed now after having one of the best orgasms of your life. But even with the post orgasm haze over you, you still had some rationality left. “We’re gonna move on from this and act like it didn’t happen, okay?” You told him, still slightly breathless as you sat in his lap while he sat up. Choso pulled his shirt off since it was drenched now and your breath caught in your throat seeing his upper body.

He had various pretty intricate tattoos over his slightly chiseled form and a dark happy trail that had you practically drooling. “How can I move on and forget the best moment of my life?” He said as he grabbed your waist to pull you closer. “You’re being dramatic. You also have a girlfriend if you haven’t forgotten.” You reminded him but didn’t stop him as he began to leave kisses on your neck, his lips still slicked up with your cum.

“This is about us right now. shh.” He brushed off, purposefully ignoring the reminder of Jayla’s existence. “You’re a terrible -ah boyfriend, stop that!” You moaned when choso began to suck hickies onto your neck and you pulled at his hair to stop him. He whined at the sting of you pulling his hair. “Fine, I’ll stop. But can I get one kiss, please?” He pouted as he asked, looking at you with puppy dog eyes.

You were in disbelief at how shameless he was. “You’re unbelievable. Are you always this needy and persistent?” You kept your grip on his hair to keep him in place. “Only for you.” He grinned with a wink. “Just one kiss and then I’ll take you home. Hm?” He tried to persuade you. So far you hadn’t put up much resistance to him or his advances and you’d already crossed too many lines to go back now.

“Fine, we’ve already gotten this far anyways.” You accepted as you let his hair go. Choso was ecstatic to finally get the chance to kiss you. He didn’t waste any more time as his hands moved to cup your face and his lips pressed against yours. To your surprise, the kiss was slow and way more intimate than you expected. He was taking his time and you didn’t have any complaints about it.

Choso was savoring the moment because he didn’t know if he’d get the chance to kiss you again after this. To him the world felt right with your plush lips molded perfectly against his. Your arms wrapped around his neck as the kiss got progressively deeper, Choso pulling you flush against him and holding you tight as his tongue slid into your mouth.

His tongue tangled with yours and you let out soft moans into the kiss that made his head spin. Choso refused to break the kiss even though the two of you could barely breathe. Every time you even attempted to pull away he’d just kiss you harder, sucking on your tongue and licking into your mouth, hooked on the taste of you. All you could do was melt into the kiss, allowing Choso to kiss you as much as he wanted to.

He only pulled away once he was fully satisfied, leaving the two of you panting with a string of saliva connecting your lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He admitted softly into the comfortable silence within the car. “I can tell…it was nice..” you told him honestly and he smiled. He was content with knowing you enjoyed it as much as he did. “Let’s get going before Jay sees us and murders us both.” He joked but you didn’t laugh.

“Not funny. We both fucked up but let’s not talk about it right now.” You stated as you slid your sweatpants back on and handed choso his shirt. “Understandable.” He obliged and dropped the topic. “I’m never washing this shirt. I hope you know that.” He laughed but he was serious and your face scrunched up in disgust. “That’s nasty cho, ew. don’t do that.”

“It’s like a trophy to me now. I got you to cum on my face. My proudest moment, honestly.” He gloated with a smug smile. Embarrassment mixed in with your feelings of disgust as choso flaunted his tainted shirt. “J-Just shut up and drive.” You grumbled shyly. He cooed, “You’re adorable.” He chuckled and pecked your forehead before he climbed back into the driver’s seat. You moved to sit in the passenger seat as well and got settled as choso began to drive you home.

There was a comfortable silence on the drive there and you hugged him goodbye once he dropped you off. The events of the day hit you as you did your night routine. So many different emotions weighed on you but you decided to try and let the situation go and move on even with the heaviness that weighed on your heart.

The next few days it was hard to forget what happened though with Choso constantly texting you and calling you. You even considered blocking his number at one point because of how incessantly he contacted you. You never meant to intentionally avoid him but you felt like you had to when he constantly texted you about how much he wanted you, missed the taste of you, and missed feeling you pressed against him.

He even sent videos of him pleasuring himself while moaning your name, which you shamefully watched while also self indulging. But you knew Choso was ultimately off limits and you’d hoped that by ignoring him he’d eventually get over you. You learned that he was far from over you when he showed up while you were at Jayla’s house. According to Jayla the two of them made up and you were happy for them.

You hadn’t expected him to come over though. His eyes bore into you as he walked up to where you and Jayla sat on her couch. “Hi baby~” he said to Jayla as the two of them kissed and hugged. You suddenly felt really uncomfortable and awkward, especially since Choso didn’t look away from you for a second. “Hi choso.” You greeted him out of courtesy and to appear normal.

He raised a brow at you, surprised that you even spoke to him. He was also thrown off by the fact that you didn’t hug him like you usually did nor did you call him by his nickname you gave him. “Hi.” He replied bluntly, tone dry. Jayla glanced between the two of you, confused at the underlying tension. “Y’all good..?” She asked. You were quick to nod while Choso hummed a small ‘mhm.’

“I think I’m gonna give you two some privacy..I’ll go upstairs.” You announced as you stood up. “Oh sis you don’t have to-“ Jayla started but Choso cut her off. “Let her go.” He said and this was when you realized he was angry. His eyes holding a slight glare to them, shoulders stiff and posture straight, his tone of voice harsher than usual. Him being angry at you made you feel a pang in your heart but you ignored it.

You didn’t utter another word, quietly making your way upstairs to Jayla’s bedroom. You were regretting not actually leaving and going to your own house now, feeling uncomfortable with staying in Jayla’s house while Choso was there. You kept yourself entertained for a while though until someone came into the room. You perked up thinking it was Jayla, only to see Choso walking in.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” He cut right to the chase. “I had nothing to say to you. I told you to move on and forget about what happened.” You sighed. He scoffed, “You really thought I’d forget that night?. I haven’t been able to erase it from my mind. You don’t just fucking ride my face and then go ghost on me!” He snapped and you gasped, immediately rushing to slap your hand over his mouth.

“Are you fucking crazy?! Quiet down” you whisper yelled to him. “Also you’re the one that asked me to ride your face, lunatic. You knew that it wasn’t going to go further than that.” You huffed as you returned his glare. “So that’s it, huh?. It meant nothing to you?. It was that easy for you to forget it?” He questioned you and you hesitated to respond, chewing on your bottom lip.

“Forgetting is the right thing to do.” You answered after a moment of silence. “That’s not a good enough answer. I don’t give a shit about what’s right and you know that. I just want you, can’t you see that? Why won’t you give me a chance?” He pleaded and you frowned at the desperate look in his eyes. “Cho..I…” your words trailed off when Choso suddenly kissed you, making your eyes widen. “Wait-“ you said as you tried to push him away.

“No. You want me too, you just don’t want to admit it” he murmured against your lips as he kissed you again. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be letting me kiss you right now.” He pointed out as he looked into your eyes. You hated that he was right, no matter how much you tried to deny it. “Shut up.” You huffed softly before you kissed him this time. He let out a laugh into the kiss as he returned it.

The kiss escalated quickly as Choso slid his tongue into your mouth and as your fingers tangled into his hair. Choso sucked on your tongue and you let out a moan into the kiss, making him grip your hips tight and pull you closer. The kiss died just as quick as it began once you heard Jayla’s footsteps climbing up the stairs. “Shit.” You muttered as you pushed Choso away and hurriedly wiped your lipgloss residue off of his lips.

Choso was just staring at you smiling like an idiot. “Go! Before she comes in here.” You whisper yelled as you pushed at his chest. “Tell me I can come see you tonight. Then I’ll go.” He propositioned with a grin. You narrowed your eyes at him, “You just don’t quit, do you?” He shook his head in response. “Fine. You can come see me tonight.” You sighed and he silently cheered and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before he finally exited the room.

Jayla walked in afterwards. “You two solved whatever y’all got going on?” She asked you. Her question caught you off guard, “Uh yeah. We talked things out.” You hummed. “Great. I sent him up here because I’d rather not have my boyfriend and my bestfriend hating each other.” She laughed. “You got into it with him over how he treats me, didn’t you?” She questioned.

Guilt ate away at you at how oblivious Jayla was and at the reality of how much of a terrible friend you were. “Mhm! You told me to kill him for you so I ruined his night that day.” You lied with the best fake laugh you could muster. She seemed to believe you because she just grinned back at you, seemingly satisfied. “But sis, I do gotta admit something..” she suddenly lowered her voice and got serious as she moved closer to you.

You perked up, fully intrigued to know whatever secret she was going to confess to you. “What is it?” you whispered. “I cheated on Choso that night..” she revealed and you gasped in genuine shock, staring at her in disbelief. Despite the rifts in their relationship you never expected Jayla to go against her loyalty to Choso but it seemed that lately the unexpected kept coming.

“Really?!” You blurted out, unable to contain your shock. “Shh! yes really, I was too frustrated and craved to feel something. I was also angry as fuck so I was being reckless. I can’t say that I regret it but it won’t happen again. I think Choso is actually going to work to keep our relationship going.” She told you with a small sigh. You were silent, processing the newfound information. You felt the urge to tell her your own little secret but you knew your secret most likely wouldn’t go over so well.

“Does choso know?” You asked her. You doubted she told him but you were still curious. “Of course not. You think I’m crazy?. I’m not ruining my relationship. He’ll never know and I’m okay with that.” She shrugged. “Wow..well you know I won’t tell him. That’s between y’all two.” You reassured her and it was genuine. Even though you haven’t been the ideal bestfriend as of late, you still wouldn’t tell her secret.

She grinned and tackled you with a hug. “That’s why I love you bestie boo.” She mushed as she squeezed you and you laughed. For just this moment things felt as they did before you got entangled with Choso. It was nice and made your heart swell with nostalgia and happiness. But in the back of your mind you knew this feeling was temporary because Choso was still coming to see you later and that alone makes this moment feel bittersweet.

Once you were home all you could think about was Choso and everything that had happened in the past few days. As the hours ticked by you began to regret giving him permission to come see you. Even though part of you did want to see him, the other half felt it was best if you didn’t. The war in your mind got put on hold when you heard knocking at your door. You already knew who it was so you debated opening it for a brief moment.

“Come on baby, let me in.” Choso called out from the other side of the wooden door. The way he called you ‘baby’ affected you way more than it should’ve. The small pet name possessing you to walk over and open the door for him. “I’m not your baby.” You told him as you looked up at him. Your words contradicting to the beating of your heart and the way you actually felt.

“You can be though. Or would you prefer a different name?. There’s plenty of options. Honey, sweetie, love, babe, princess, sunshine, my pretty girl, my gorgeous girl, my girl. Mine. I could go on and on you know.” He rambled and even though it was a tad bit cheesy, it had you grinning. He smiled once seeing you smile. “You’re so fucking pretty, you know that don’t you?” He stated and you felt like he was buttering you up now but it was working.

“Just shut up and come in.” You laughed and he didn’t hesitate to oblige. His hand instantly moving to grasp you as he entered your home. He was touching you like it was instinctive for him. His hands caressing your sides and your back as he held you close with his face buried in your neck, breathing in your scent. “You gonna let me have what I want this time?” He murmured against your neck.

“Hm, I don’t know. What is it that you want exactly?” You were teasing him now. You knew exactly what he wanted but it was fun to see how desperate he could get. “You. I want you. All of you. If you’ll let me.” He said as he pulled away to look into your eyes, waiting for you to give him any signal to have access to you. You let out a soft exhale of breath as you gave him a small nod of your head.

You decided to just ignore your guilty conscience for now and enjoy the moment. Choso’s face instantly lit up and he grinned before kissing you deeply and picking you up. You didn’t think you’d ever get used to the way Choso kissed you. Every single time he kissed you as if he was trying to savor every press of your lips against his. He carried you up to your room and broke the kiss as he laid you down onto your bed.

“Fuck…I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He muttered as he stared down at you adoringly. His gaze making you feel shy. “Don’t just stare at me. Do something before I change my mind.” You huffed softly and he laughed. “If you think I’m going to rush this, you’re crazy.” He uttered while shaking his head as he ran his hands up your thighs until he gripped the waistband of your sleep shorts.

He pulled them down along with your panties, letting out a breath once seeing your cunt on display. “She’s so pretty.” He whispered, almost as if he was talking directly to your pussy and it had you flustered. A shiver coasted your body as he placed a soft kiss on your mound, spreading your lips with his fingers as he placed another kiss on your clit.

You knew he was taking his sweet time but you felt like he was teasing you as you grew more needy by the second. You let out a small whine and tried to shift your hips closer to him, hoping he’d catch the hint. Thankfully he did, sliding a finger into your eager hole. He groaned under his breath as he watched your wet cunt suck his finger in. “You’re so tight. When’s the last time this pretty pussy got some attention?”

“The other night, when you ate my pussy out.” You answered honestly with a moan as you pushed back onto Choso’s thick finger. “Cute. But that’s not what I meant baby.” He chuckled softly as he looked up at you. “I meant, when’s the last time this cute cunt was stuffed full, hm?” He reiterated as he pressed another soft kiss to your clit while he inserted a second finger into you.

You shrugged, “I-I don’t know..it’s been awhile..” you muttered shyly in slight embarrassment as you looked away from him. Your answer surprised him. Yeah, he hadn’t seen you with any guys in the time period he’s known you, but he thought you were way too pretty to not have guys practically kissing your feet. “so that’s why this needy cunt is swallowing my fingers like this. Poor princess is just hungry for some dick.” He cooed and you whined.

He spit onto your pussy and added a third finger as he continued giving your pussy the attention it deserved. His fingers thrusting into you at a fast pace as you mewled and squirmed, growing wetter and drenching Choso’s fingers. Choso was enamored with the sight of your cunt clinging to his fingers and the way it gushed every time he pushed in and out. The squelching sound music to his ears.

“feels s’good cho..” you whined and he reveled in the praise. He wanted to please you as much as possible just to keep hearing that. He began to suck on your clit as he curled his fingers inside you, making you gasp and grip your bedsheets. “you always taste so fucking good” he groaned and couldn’t help but to start lapping up the sweet tangy nectar that poured from your cunt incessantly. He was so messy as he slurped and drooled onto your wet cunt, his tongue working in tandem with his fingers.

You were obsessed with the way choso ate you out as if he couldn’t get enough of you. He was by far the best head you’d ever received and you were addicted to his mouth now. “I want you to cum and make a mess out of me, can you do that for me baby?” he asked as he looked up at you, pulling away from your cunt and licking his lips. You nodded quickly in response and moved to eagerly grab at his hair to pull his face back where you needed him most.

Choso chuckled at how needy you were being, pride filling him because he was the cause of it. Choso focused his attention on your throbbing clit as his fingers dug deep into you, caressing your slick walls that pulsed and creamed on his hand. “mmpfh- fuck..” you moaned, biting down on your bottom lip as you tugged at Choso’s hair and rocked against his face; getting lost in the pleasure he was giving you.

Choso knew he found the spot he’d been looking for when your back arched and you let out a sob of his name. “Is that it baby?. this spot right here?” He spoke in a teasing manner as he began to drive his fingers precisely into that spot that had your eyes rolling back. “m’gonna..” you whimpered as you trembled and began to fall apart. Choso urged you on with sweet praises of ‘that’s it baby’ ‘so pretty for me’ ‘keep making a mess for me’ as he dragged out your orgasm.

He drank up your creamy release as he pulled his fingers out, groaning into your cunt at the taste of you as your essence coated his palate. He only pulled away once you began to push at his head in sensitivity. His mouth detaching from your soaked cunt with a wet smack sound. “always so sensitive and responsive. I love that about you so much.” He cooed as he trailed kisses up your stomach, pulling off your shirt as he did.

He took a moment to just admire the sight of you completely bare underneath him. He took notice of every mole, stretch mark, faint scars, and embellishments on your skin. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen..” he breathed out in complete awe. You felt like your heart skipped a beat at hearing such a big compliment and you grew shy under his intense stares. “Oh hush…you’re just saying that because you’re horny..” you brushed him off.

He was quick to shake his head. “No. I really mean it. I’ve always thought so. I just never had the opportunity to tell you. You’re like my dream girl.” He expressed wholeheartedly as he looked into your eyes. You were at a loss for words, the gravity of his words hitting you and making you see Choso in a new light. Suddenly all his recent actions made sense, as you thought back on all the times in the past that he went out of his way for you.

All those times he also bought you a Valentine’s Day gift along with Jayla’s with the excuse that he ‘didn’t want you to feel left out’. The times that he buy you snacks and give you massages when you were on your period. The moments when he’d randomly text you and ask how your day was and if you had eaten. The rare times when you’d talk about something you wanted for the longest and think no one paid attention only for him to get it for you on your birthday. You were now wondering how you missed all the signs.

Without thinking anymore about it you grabbed Choso’s face and kissed him, pouring all the words you couldn’t say into the deep intimate kiss. He was grinning when the two of you broke the kiss. “So are you gonna fuck me or what? I know you didn’t come over here just to stare at me.” You joked and he laughed. “Yes ma’am.” He didn’t need to be told twice. He lived to appease you. He stripped himself down until he was bare and could feel your skin soft against his.

It was your turn to admire him and all his beauty. Your hands gently roamed his body as you analyzed all his tattoos and adornments on his skin. Choso loved all the attention you were giving him, not interrupting it at all so that he could savor it longer. He felt shivers coast his body the moment you wrapped your hand around his dick. “s’fat…” you muttered as you squeezed his dick, watching as precum dripped from the tip.

Your hand couldn’t fully fit around his cock due to how fat and heavy it was. He wasn’t the biggest but his girth made up for it. Choso grabbed your ankles and lifted your legs up, spreading you to his liking. He placed kisses on the soles of your feet, causing you to giggle since it tickled a bit. You lined his tip up with your pulsing hole and watched as he rocked his hips forward, slowly pushing into you and stretching you open.

You whimpered at the burning stretch, your hands moving to grip at Choso’s forearms — your nails digging into his skin. “You’re doing so good baby.” He praised you with a grunt as he fed your greedy cunt every inch of his dick. He rolled his hips into yours and did slow careful thrusts as he waited for you to adjust to his size. Your whimpers and whines gradually turning into moans and choked cries of pleasure. “m-more” you encouraged him with a moan.

He didn’t waste another second. He put your legs over his shoulders and pressed his weight onto the back of your thighs as he increased his pace. He was relentless as he pounded your weepy cunt into oblivion. “fuck..you feel so fucking good.” He moaned as his eyes fluttered shut — getting lost in the feel of your walls squeezing his dick. Your pussy creamed and gushed around his dick, emphasizing the lewd wet sound of skin slapping that enveloped your bedroom space.

“uhn ngh- keep fucking me, don’t stop” you moaned out as you became putty underneath Choso. Your mouth agape and your eyes rolled back in pure ecstasy as choso drove his cock into you at a fervent pace. The swollen head of his cock hitting your sweet spot with every thrust and making writhe in pleasure. “Yeah?. You like having my dick stuffing this pretty pussy?”

“Tell me how good it feels” He urged in between pants and moans. He was fishing for praises from you and you were happy to give them. “feels ah- so good baby, love ngh- feeling you so deep choso..” you cried and choso whined pathetically at your words. They fueled him to burrow his cock into you deeper and harder. “love fucking you..you were made for me..” he breathed out as he began placing open mouthed kisses to your breasts.

He sucked and nipped at your taut nipples as he continued feeding your cunt punishing strokes that had tears brimming your eyes. Your hands tangled into his messy sweaty hair as he marked your chest and neck in red purplish bruises — the possessiveness in him wanting to leave a visible claim on your skin. “You’re so damn perfect ugh ngh- I wanna be yours.” He whined into your neck.

“tell me I’m yours” he was begging now, drooling onto your skin as his dick slammed into your cervix - the pressure against your cervix making you scream out and wail. “y-you’re mine cho! oh my god- this dick is all mine.” You cried. “s’all yours princess. Just for you.” He mewled. “I broke up with Jayla.” he suddenly said, but your brain was not coherent enough at the moment to process the information.

“wha-what?” You managed to stutter out as your foggy brain caught up with his words. “I ended things with Jayla so that I can take my chance at being with you.” He further explained but it all sounded like gibberish to you when his dick was obliterating your insides. “J-Just ah mmhfp- shhh” you put your hand over his mouth to get him to stop talking. “Tell me later.” you told him and he let out a breathy laugh at your response.

“Are you gonna cum baby?” He hummed as he adjusted your position — moving your legs to rest comfortably around his waist. “m-mhm!” you nodded and tightly wrapped your legs around him to keep him nestled deep inside you. “Yeah?. Gonna make an even bigger mess for me?. You’re always so pretty when you cum.” He muttered against your lips as he gave your swollen sappy clit some attention — rubbing tight circles onto it as he fucked you senseless.

You couldn’t even think properly anymore let alone speak to even respond to him. The only sounds that left you were pathetic babbles and cries as your orgasm built up. You were already so wet — slick dripping down your ass crack and creating a puddle on your sheets. Choso’s dick was covered in a blanket of your frothy cream and his pre cum mixed together. The slippery essence making the slide of his dick into you near effortless as he adapted rhythm of pulling out all the way to the tip and slamming back into you hard.

The force behind his thrusts caused you to let out choked squeaks; your body jerking further up the bed with every thrust. Choso wrapped his free hand around your throat to keep you in place. “shit..you’re taking it s-so uhn fuck- well..” he moaned as he felt his own climax approaching. His tongue licked up the drool and tears that coated your cheeks. He was so captured by you and his cravings for you, he wanted you imbedded in his skin and in his soul.

Your orgasm came without warning — your mouth parted in a silent moan and your back bowed off the bed as you came hard. You drenched Choso’s lower abdomen and your inner thighs in your climax; adding to the already filthy mess the two of you created. Choso continued fucking you through your orgasm as he sloppily chased his own — his thrusts turning uncoordinated and desperate.

The way your cunt was pulsating and clenching around his sensitive cock was his undoing. He was a whiny whimpering mess as he came deep inside you, filling you up with ropes of thick milky cum. The two of you were breathing heavily in sync as you both let a moment of calm settle over the two of you. Choso slowly pulled out and moved to get up to clean you up, but you stopped him — wanting him to stay laid next to you.

It was very peaceful having him cuddled up to you and keeping you warm. There was a long moment of comfortable silence until you spoke. “Did you really break up with Jayla..?” you asked him softly. Your mind was finally in the right state to have this conversation. He nodded, “Right after you left her house. I know this is all pretty fucked up but it’s always been you for me. I think I thought my infatuation with you would pass but it only grew stronger over time.” He told you honestly.

“I should’ve broken up with her long before things reached this point and I acknowledge that. I also understand if you don’t want to pursue anything further with me.” He continued and you listened to him with an open mind and an open heart. “But I promise I won’t take it for granted if you give me a chance.”

“Will you go on a date with me?”

[wonderthor]

your neighbor sukuna who lives in one of the apartments upstairs may be a rough and dangerous man, but he’s funny and nice to you, so you become friends anyway. you even develop a little crush on him, and when he calls you little pet names like sweetheart and doll, you start to think he might like you too. one night you decide to go out for drinks, and as he drinks more he lets out more about his past and you learn he is a little more dangerous than you thought. he talks about how he broke into people’s houses at night all the time to steal their things and when he finally did get caught and locked up, he had probably broke into over 200 people’s houses by then.

“that’s crazy, but you wouldn’t get that lucky with me though”

he sets his beer down, raising his eyebrow at you in question.

“what do you mean?”

“i mean that im a very light sleeper, always have been. and there’s no way you couldn’t break into my apartment without me knowing it.”

he picks his beer back up and takes a swig before looking back at you with a smirk.

“you sure about that?”

you confidentially smirk back at him.

“oh absolutely. i get woken up if the wind blows a little too hard against the window. i even woke up that one time i had a mouse in my apartment and i could hear it scurrying across the floor. i would definitely hear you open my door and walk around.”

sukuna taps his fingers against the bar counter with his head in his hands and his eyes still on you, thinking.

“how about we make a bet.”

“a bet? on what?”

“if i can get into your locked apartment and into your bedroom without waking you up, i win. if i do, you win.”

“and what do i get when i win?”

sukuna chuckles at that, almost like a villain’s laugh.

“i wouldn’t worry too much about that.”

you roll your eyes at him.

“oh please, you sound way to confident in your impossible chance at winning.”

he laughs at you again.

“i am. there’s a reason i was able to break in so many people’s houses while they were still in there without getting caught. it’s kind of my specialty.”

you take another sip of your drink and lean back.

“your specialty, huh? and you still haven’t mentioned what we get if we win.”

“what do you want?”

his tone caught you off guard for a second, getting deeper and more serious without you expecting it.

“u-um, i don’t know. you can pick.”

he smiles at you again, a devious smile this time as he leans in closer to you.

“if i win, i get to do whatever i want to you. if you win, you get to do whatever you want to me.”

time stops for a minute and you don’t realize that you’re just staring at him until after several seconds.

“what do you m-mean by that?”

he leans back to hold his beer and his playful demeanor is back.

“well according to you, you won’t have to worry about that, right?”

a couple of days went by and you were still on edge. you mentally slept with your eyes open and even kept your bedroom door cracked, just in case you really couldn’t hear him come in. even though you knew it was just a bet and a silly little game, you couldn’t stop your heart from pounding against your chest. maybe because you still didn’t really know what he said meant. and there was also the eerie feeling that you were essentially waiting for him to break into your apartment, like a real robber. like the robber he used to be. and even though you knew he wasn’t dangerous to you and wouldn’t hurt you, you were still admittedly a little scared. you truly didn’t know what to expect.

it had been a couple of weeks now and you were sure sukuna was fucking with you. whenever you saw him in passing, he was his normal playful and flirty self, and mentioning nothing of the bet. you were starting to think he was kidding, just making that up to scare you and mess with you. or you also thought he could have just forgotten, since he was drinking a little and couldn’t have forgotten all about it.

but little did you know that you were playing right into his hands. he was waiting on you to lose your edge, to slowly get comfortable enough again to slip into deep and dream-filled sleeps. that’s why you didn’t expect it, why you didn’t expect to lose.

when you woke up one night, you felt your heart fall out of your body and your eyes almost jump from their sockets. there he was, in your apartment, in your bedroom, on your bed, leaning over you on his hands and knees. when he saw that you were awake and too stunned to speak, he smirked and leaned in closer to you until his face was just inches from yours.

“guess i win, sweetheart.”

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

despite assumptions and stereotypes, steve harrington actually doesn’t love dating around. sure, he does it and at the end of the night if someone wants to go a little bit further, who is he to say no? he’s only a man, after all.

but steve and eddie have been… doing whatever they’ve been doing for a couple of months now and steve wants more. when steve finds what he wants, he holds on tight with everything he has. but this time is a little different. eddie’s made it pretty clear that he’s not exactly looking for anything serious. steve’s pretty sure eddie likes him, but he’s not sure that affection goes far beyond that thing he can do with his tongue.

which sucks. steve’s still gun-shy from what happened with nancy and tommy and jonathan back in high school. he hasn’t felt this way abt anyone in a pretty long time and it just sucks that eddie’s only interested in coming over at 3 in the morning. steve wants to go to the drive-in and to the state fair and out to lovers lake for stargazing. he wants dates and sleepy make out sessions and movie nights on saturdays.

but steve likes eddie so he’ll take whatever eddie’s willing to give him. he knows it might make him pathetic or whatever, but he’s accepted it. it’s fine. he’s just waiting for the day eddie stops showing up, for the day that eddie looks at him and tells him enough is enough, that it’s been fun and all but eddie’s on to bigger and better things.

saturday nights are the worst. steve knows eddie plays the hideout almost every weekend and steve’s left to sit home alone thinking about what eddie might be getting up to out at the dive bar. he knows what eddie looks like when he performs, knows how beautiful he looks in the low lights. he’s seen the way the audience looks at eddie while he’s on stage, grinding his hips into his guitar. it makes steve’s stomach hurt just thinking abt it. and sure, more often than not, eddie comes crawling into steve’s window in the late hours after his show ends, sweaty and smiling, high on adrenaline. those are steve’s favorite moments, the moments when he gets to kiss the look of triumph off of eddie’s face, when he gets to watch that look get replaced by a look of pure pleasure. but one day, probably soon, eddie won’t come crawling through his window and steve will be left alone in the worst case scenario.

so when a customer at family video gives steve a look, smiling, and asks him if he’s busy this saturday, steve can’t really find a reason to blow him off. the guy—pete—is dressed in a cut up band tee, his hands in his pockets as he leans against the counter, all cool confidence and charm. steve can’t help but compare him to eddie. but steve doesn’t want to be left in the dust when eddie and dustin and robin all eventually leave this shitty little town, so he agrees to a date. what’s one date gonna do? he knows eddie dates, even though they don’t really talk abt it. it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong.

for the first time ever, steve is the one getting picked up on a saturday night. pete rings the doorbell, leads steve out to his beat up pick up, and even opens the door for steve to slide it. steve feels something a little fuzzy in his chest and can’t help but smile as pete gets into the drivers seat. pete starts up the car and pulls out of the driveway. once they turn out of steve’s neighborhood, pete reaches over to slide his hand into steve’s.

“so i heard abt this pretty cool spot. live music, pool, beer,” pete glances over at steve and squeezes his hand. “you in?”

steve’s breath hitches a little. he’s kind of missed this, the promise of a first date, the magic of things just starting out. it feels even better to be on the other side of it, to have someone else take control. he pushes aside the wish that this was someone else.

“sounds good,” he finally responds, shooting pete a small smile. pete grins.

ten minutes later, they pull into a gravel parking lot and steve’s stomach drops. there aren’t that many bars in hawkins and even fewer places that host live music on the weekends. he should have known, really, that the one place they’d end up is the one place eddie’s guaranteed to be on a saturday night.

i’ve been sitting on this draft since the fall. inspired by rory and logan at that one tarantino party in gilmore girls. heard ao3 was gonna be down for a couple of hours, so here u go lol awkward spot to land on but part ii to come :P encourage me to finish this…

[just-a-ghost00]

What they think when they see you vs what they show (possibly 18+)

You can pick your group thinking about a crush, a lover or anyone you are curious about. But this has to be someone you know currently. It can't be a future person.

Group 1

Their thoughts - 2 of cups, 7 of cups, 8 of cups, Strength, page of cups, knight of cups , back of the deck is The Sun

"I can’t let them know I like them. I can’t show them how I feel for them. I have to act strong. I can’t be vulnerable. My god, I wanna ask them out so bad. Would they even care? They would reject my offer, I’m pretty sure. They must like stronger individuals. Surely I’m not their type. I should better leave. But I can’t. I feel so drawn to them. Hell, what should I do?! Should I stay or should I go? God they’re so beautiful. But I can’t tell them, now can I? I hope they don’t notice I’m staring. Omg they’re looking. Act normal, act normal!"

For some of you this person may be in a connection with someone else already and they are trying to reason themselves and repress their feelings. For others, this person thinks you’re destined to be together but for some reason they are afraid to confess their feelings. It’s like in both cases, the person feels like your holding their heart in your hands. They feel like your hostage. They think you have a lot to offer and you are really independent so you wouldn’t need them nor be interested in them. It’s like they tell themselves "what would such a person do with someone like me? I don’t deserve them". They think you are generous and kind, very emotional. As sweet as the marine air, as beautiful as a sea shell. Water seems to be very important to this person. Reminds me of that Aphrodite painting where she’s standing on an oyster. You’re like a goddess/god to them.

They think that you bring so much light and optimism in their life. That your sweetness is a welcomed relief in their chaotic life. They want to bask in the feeling of you. They think a lot of positive things because they idealize you. You’re like an angel to them. A creature so pure that they wish to keep to themselves but are also afraid to hurt. It’s like they think they’re a beast and you’re the beauty. However in their mind there would be no happy ending for the two of you.

Their actions - ace of pentacles, 4 of cups, 5 of wands, 4 of wands, 3 of cups, The Emperor, 3 of wands

This person is doing their best to pretend they don’t care. They look as calm, cool and collected as they possibly can. They want to look professional and disinterested. I’m getting specifically the message that this person hides behind their spouse/partner to avoid being in contact with you or try to convince you there’s nothing going on. So either they would send their partner to interact with you or they would invoke them in conversations. Also they could be showing off their engagement ring as a reminder.

Another thing this person does is that they are always making sure they’re not alone in your presence. So if they interact with you, it will mostly be when there’s important gatherings, especially when there are other people around that they know. This way, their conversation with you would look pretty natural and mundane, even to your eyes. It’s like they’re taking you in doses. They would juggle between times of no contact and contact.

Though they want to look disinterested they also want to look their best, just in case lmao So they would literally puff their chest to look bigger or play with their hair to draw attention on them. They would wear their best outfit or accessories, put themselves in positions of power to impress you. They would act like they’re the next hottest thing. Also they would try to be brave so maybe they would do risky things or like act like a savior around you. Especially if they notice you’re in need of help. They would be the first to nonchalantly offer their help and remind you that "though they’re super busy because of their numerous responsibilities, they would do their best to help you out should you ever be in need ". This person feels really old school lmao Also they seem like the type of person that watches too many unrealistic rom coms lmao (or porn)

Group 2

Their thoughts - 7 of cups, The World, 4 of pentacles, The Empress, 8 of pentacles, knight of swords, 9 of wands

Okay this person’s thoughts are pretty intense and quite horny / kinky. If I felt like writing their actual thoughts for group 1, here I feel like this would be a bit triggering in some way. So I’m gonna describe as best as I can and as respectfully as I can lmao To be completely honest, this person is a simp for you. They want to "drink from you". I’ll leave that to your imagination. They think that you are incredibly attractive and 100% their type. They want to possess you. But they don’t want to rush it. They like the thrill of the chase. They think that they want to lift you up and have you as they please, against the wall or on any surface they could find. They think that the world lies at your feet and that they would give you the world if you asked them to. They think that, being the absolute baddie that you are, you would have a fair amount of options. And that makes them uncomfortable. Because this person doesn’t like to share their "meal". They think that they should carefully plan how they’re going to approach and seduce you because they know you won’t be fooled. They know they have to be clean and clear if they wish to have you by their side. They think you’re feisty and in your power. You bow to no one and take no orders and this person would loooooove to be the only one to "tame" you. They think that you’re a freak in the sheets. That you would match their intensity. Their thoughts are mainly sexual. There isn’t much room for feelings in this person’s mind.

Their actions - The Tower, Ace of cups, Page of swords, page of wands, 8 of swords, 8 of pentacles, 7 of pentacles

This person acts very unpredictably. One day they’re super open and sociable, fun and patient. The other they’re an absolute asshole. It’s like they’re trying to confuse you so that you don’t know where they stand. They appear as immature. They constantly contradict themselves. Either their actions don’t follow their words or it’s like they don’t think things through and just act randomly. They are chaotic in the way they communicate and act. But most of the time they are defensive and put up barriers between the two of you. They’re the type of person that would purposefully ignore your messages, leave you on red and then pretend they didn’t see it because they were "too busy". They play hot and cold basically. As if being shady was the key to success.

This person would also try to provoke meetings with you by inventing problems or persuading people to interact with you so they can get you out of trouble. They would also surprise you in unexpected manners to keep you entertained. Like they would gather information about you from stalking your social media or interrogating people around you and then give you exactly what you needed as they pretend it is only a coincidence. Like "hey I just got this chocolate from someone but I’m sick so I can’t eat them, would you mind eating them? I don’t want to throw them away" when they’ve clearly spent at least a solid hour looking for your favorite chocolate on purpose.

Group 3

Their thoughts - The fool, knight of pentacles, 6 of pentacles, The Emperor, 7 of swords, page of swords

"They look so calm and peaceful, so carefree. I wonder how they can look so good and be so calm when all around them seems so chaotic. They look so tired sometimes and sad even. I wonder if they're okay. They're so put together. I'd like to get close to them but I feel like they wouldn't be open to it. I wish they weren't so uptight. Maybe we could be good friends. Or work together. They seem like a good person. They look like they've been through a lot though. They're so guarded. Aren't they hiding something? Are they really as they appear? I don't know if I can trust them. They're so strong. Even in the face of adversity, they stay true to themselves and kind to others. I admire them for that. It could be so easy to resent or hate people but this person is so genuine. They keep giving though people hurt them. I hope they can protect themselves and stand up for themselves. They don't deserve the hate they get."

Okay for some of you this person knows you from work or school. There are people around you that try to control you or bring you down. Especially, jealous people that want to give you a bad reputation because you don't follow their tracks. This could be true especially if you have a different vision of how work should be done or how people should be treated. They envy your energy and the attention you get. This person you're asking about has good intentions and a good opinion of you but they're confused as to why other people don't seem to see you like they do. They also have a hard time figuring you out. You impress them as much as you scare them. They could be your coworker or maybe a patron that frequently comes to your workplace and has seen your evolution. For others this can be a friend of yours or a family member. I don't get romantic feelings from this group but rather platonic ones. Now it doesn't mean that their opinion and feelings can't change/evolve. This person specifically admires your professional attitude, your strength and resilience. They admire your giving nature and your tendency to give people a chance instead of judging them at first sight.

Their actions - 10 of swords, 6 of pentacles, 4 of swords, knight of wands, Wheel of fortune, ace of pentacles

If this person may have appeared as cold and distant towards you at first, they got warmer as they got to know you and observe you. They like to watch you from a distance. They feel like they can have a more objective view of your essence if they're not involved directly. But at the end of the day, this person can't resist the pull. They had to get closer because they found your energy interesting. So at first, they would remain strictly professional. To the point where sometimes it would be as if they were a ghost. They would pretty much never interact unless it was really important. But most of the time they would remain hidden. But then the wheel turned because something made them take interest in you. Maybe it was something you did or something you said. For some I'm getting that they realised how important you were when you were gone. There was a period of time when you were the one that stopped communicating and it made them ponder about what you were up to and how you were doing. When you came back, this person started to act more friendly. They could have gotten you gifts or offered help, which they wouldn't have done before.

They acted differently for sure. More open to conversation, more present in your life, offering practical advice or helping you even before you asked. For some I'm getting the sense of someone leaving positive reviews or giving you extra cash, leaving littles notes on your desk to cheer you up. Trying to get the community around you to support you more by talking to other people about how nice of a person you are and changing the general opinion of you. For some this person would even take your defense in public without you being aware, trying to restore your honor. They feel more protective over you. Kind of like a surrogate dad or a mentor energy. When they got to see you, for some I'm getting the mental image of someone trying to uplift somebody else's spirit by shyly giving compliments in the disguise of a joke. Like for instance they would playfully comment your outfit but manage to tell you it looks good on you in the process. I felt the need to ask spirit for more information so I drew another card from the deck. You got The Star and The Devil. On the first card there's a female figure pouring water into a pond while she fondly looks at two cranes sitting nearby. There's a third crane in her back that she's not aware of. The other shows a feminine character with one blind eye and a mischievous look.

I'm getting several possibilities looking at this combination. One the one hand, it kinda confirms what I've been saying about this person protecting you and acting behind your back. As the Star card can be related to the Internet and the Devil card can represent naysayers/people with bad intentions, it shows that this person has been defending you online. I'm getting a scenario where a group of people is having a private conversation on any social platform where they talk baldly about you or make fun of you. And either this person has been calling these people out or they went as far as to threaten them of filing a complaint in your name. On the other hand, these two cards could be showing that this person is two faced. They may act kind and sweet in front of your face, but talk badly about you behind your back. Or, if they're not dissing you, at least they're playing the game to get favors out of you. For instance, they could be complimenting you a lot, hoping you'd forget something they did or said about you that hurt you.

[world0fmadness]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ ˚ POKER CHIPS AND CARS THAT GO VROOM ˚ ୨୧ ⋆｡˚ ⋆

fernando alonso x pro poker player! wife

faceclaim: jennifer tilly

woah woah woah what do we have here? my first fanfic / smau EVER? holy moly… yeah i’m terrified of posting this, it’s pretty bad and short but whatever… i don’t actually have any social media aside from tumblr and reddit because i’m a social hermit so if any of the driver username’s are wrong i’m sorry <3 i don’t know if this’ll be a one time thing or not, we’ll just have to see, i’m not super confident in it so y’know

ynlnspokerchip: 17 years ago these pictures of yn and fernando dropped, the world changed, they altered the air…

fastcarsgovroom: they were my bi awakening me thinks 😩

> steponmeyn: literally, i remember having the second pic in my locker as a teen, i was not fooling anyone lmao

oldf1lvr: gnawing on the bars of my cage 😵‍💫

theynln ✔️: wow! what a throwback… i feel very old now, i loved that coat! my husband was looking very handsome too, though i prefer how he looks now - yn ln ❤️

> oldf1lvr: she’s so real, she loves her man even more as an older man

tooobsessedwithf1: you’re so wrong for posting these when i was trying to beat my obsession with them…

> ynlnspokerchip: girl… let’s be honest, no one will ever beat it, once you’ve got it, you’ve got it for life

loveuyn: i just need to know how a m*n that drives in circles managed to marry MY wife 💔

fastcarsgovroom: watching poker for poker? nu uh! watching poker for yn ln? yu uh! that’s my wife right there

justgetboth: the delusion is strong here, let’s not act like any sane person in the world wouldn’t jump at the chance to get into bed with both of them 😭

> iluvf1: so real… they’re both a decade older than me but one night is all i ask for… yn, fernando if you see this just give me one night

> theynln ✔️: i see you my love… but unfortunately those days are behind us, lots of love - yn ln ❤️

> watchpoker4ynln: yn signing off her social media posts and comments like a letter will never not be funny to me

> nandolvr: that’s all you’re taking from that response? girlie just insinuated they used to be a wild couple… jesus christ i love them

❤️ liked by theynln

theynln ✔️: i can assure you he does much more than drive in circles! his gorgeous looks (and other talents) definitely don’t hurt either - yn ln ❤️

> fernandoalonso ✔️: thank you for defending my honour my love, i will thank you more when i get home 😉

> nandoandyn: omg someone come get the parents, they’re being horny on main AGAIN…

> lancestroll ✔️: you think this is bad? you haven’t seen how they act in the paddock… we need to spray those mf’s with water 😭

vogue: poker icon yn ln talks having a f1 driver as a husband, how she began playing poker and lots more in this issue of vogue 🤍

iluvf1: she looks SO good omg…

theynln ✔️: thank you for having me! it was an honour and a lot of fun talking with you and i hope everyone enjoys reading - yn ln ❤️

fernandoalonso ✔️: my beautiful wife ❤️ i’m so proud of how far you’ve come, i could never get tired of admiring your beauty, inside and out

> theynln ✔️: love you so much nando ❤️

> lancestroll ✔️: paddock parents being lovey dovey on social media again…

> fernandoalonso ✔️: best get used to it kid, i’ll never stop being loud about my love for her

> nandolvr: when will it be MY turn?

watchpoker4ynln: mommy? sorry! mommy? sorry!

lewishamilton ✔️: looking good yn! great interview ❤️

> theynln ✔️: thank you lew ❤️

fernandoalonso: happy birthday to my beautiful, talented, gorgeous, incredible, one of a kind wife ❤️ i can get as many podiums possible but nothing will ever come close to how i feel when i’m with you. these past years i’ve spent with you have been the best years of my life and i look forward to the years to come, you only get more beautiful to me as the days go by! ps. sorry for burning your toast

theynln ✔️: oh my love… your words are beautiful! i think i somehow just fell even more in love with you ❤️ breakfast was incredible, even the toast, now come back to bed so that i can show you my appreciation

> lancestroll ✔️: there are CHILDREN (me) on this app… happy birthday yn, see you soon

> theynln ✔️: not my problem! but thank you lots lance, can’t wait to see you - yn ln ❤️

watchpoker4ynln: the breakfast in bed picture… oh my god… she looks so fuckin GOOD 😩

lewishamilton ✔️: happy birthday yn! looking beautiful as always

❤️ liked by theynln and fernandoalonso

loveuyn: happy birthday to OUR wife 😔

sebastianvettel ✔️: happy birthday yn! have a good one, come visit soon - sebastian

> theynln ✔️: thank you seb! i’ll come visit you and the girls soon - yn ln ❤️

nandolvr: happy birthday motherrr

[jeonghunny]

— “are you mad at me?”, jeon wonwoo.

hurt, comfort, fluff | 980

something was wrong, but wonwoo doesn’t know exactly what. all he knows is you haven’t spoken to him in a full week so he must have done something wrong to upset you terribly.

in the back of his mind, wonwoo feels like he should make the first move and contact you to ask you what he did instead of waiting for you to come to him but he feels like maybe you needed some space or time away from him for whatever reason it may be. so he decided to wait.

by the 10th day of you not speaking to him, wonwoo thinks he’s waited long enough. after leaving work he stopped by a flower shop to pick up a bouquet of white tulips, according to google they’re supposed to represent his apology, he also stopped by the restaurant you love to get you your favourite food and some desserts.

you exit the elevator to find wonwoo standing outside your apartment unit.

“what are you doing here?” you ask, unlocking your front door without looking at him.

he moves out of your way quickly, “are you mad at me?”

you don’t miss the insecurity laced in his voice as he stumbles over his words slightly, clearly uncomfortable with this conversation.

“i don’t know, wonwoo.��� you push the door open but don’t step in, turning around to face him instead, “is there anything i should be mad about?”

wonwoo flinches at the sound of his name. it sounds unfamiliar coming from you since he hasn’t heard you calling him anything other than a nickname for a long time now.

his gaze drops to the floor between the two of you, suddenly too nervous to meet your eyes. “i’m not sure but if i did something to upset you, i’m here to apologise for it.” he lifts both arms slightly to show you the bouquet and takeout.

you only give them a brief glance, “how are you supposed to apologise for something you don’t even know about?”

he takes a step towards you hesitantly, trying to gauge your reaction and visibly relaxes when you don’t move away. “so let me know what i did wrong so we can fix this,” he looks up at you timidly. “please?”

now it’s your turn to avert his gaze because you don’t know if he even really did anything wrong or if you were just being sensitive. “actually, thinking about it now it feels like such a stupid thing to be upset over,” you respond in a soft, unsure voice.

wonwoo places the bouquet on top of the shoe cabinet to grab one of your hands. “it’s not stupid if it’s something that upset you,” he gives your fingers a light squeeze and that small action along with his gentle voice provide you with so much reassurance.

“remember that day when i suggested we go out on a date and you said you didn’t feel like it and just wanted to stay home because you were tired?” you sneak a quick peek at him before letting your eyes fall to his feet again.

he nods silently.

“i know it’s not that big of a deal but i don’t know…” your voice trails off and you let out a soft sigh, “i guess it felt like you were brushing me off and it kind of hurt my feelings a little and made me feel unimportant. especially because it’s also been a while since we’ve been out on a proper date and you rejected me almost immediately after i asked you.”

you shift your weight from one foot to the other and wonwoo knows you’re nervous. like him, you have never been one to express your feelings that well — at least not verbally.

“and then you didn’t contact me at all after that so i thought you stopped caring about me altogether,” you add then let out a chuckle at how ridiculous everything sounds once you actually hear them being said out loud. “that sounds pretty silly doesn’t it?”

wonwoo shakes his head, “it’s not silly at all. it’s partly my fault too because i thought you wanted some space away from me for whatever reason so i chose not to reach out to you as well.” he closes the distance between you a little more, “i should have made the first move the moment I felt that something was wrong.”

you don’t say anything mostly because you don’t know what to say so wonwoo continues, “thank you for telling me this.” he gives you a warm smile, “i will be more careful in future so i don’t hurt your feelings again.”

“thank you, nonu.” you look at him properly this time and you catch the smile that flickers across his face at the affectionate nickname. “i hope you know that you can also come to me if i ever do or say anything that hurts you as well.”

he lets go off your hand to pick up the bouquet and hands it to you, “please accept this as my formal apology.”

wonwoo finally feels at ease when he sees the smile on your lips reaching your eyes as you take the bouquet from him.

“these are really beautiful, thank you.” you eye the flowers as if they’re the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen and wonwoo realises how long it’s been since he last got you flowers and makes a mental note to himself to get them for you more often just so he can see your face light up like this.

he gestures to the takeout in his hand, “we should get to these before they get cold.”

your eyes widen when you recognise the logo on the bag and you quickly kick off your shoes to replace them with your house slippers as you step into your apartment with wonwoo following closely behind you.

[sycamoregirlsworld]

If I can’t have us.. -L. Castellan

luke castellan x fem! reader

a collection of memories between luke and his girlfriend, because no one understands him but her.

“i’ll build you a fort on some planet where they can all understand it.” -taylor swift

i’m back surprise surprise

The days following the betrayal had been hard for her.

She seemed to be stuck in limbo, she was like a ghost- a husk of herself floating through the day, not knowing where to go or what to feel.

Camp without Luke didn’t seem right, life without Luke didn’t feel right.

The girl sat at the dining pavilion alone, fiddling with the hem of one of his old crewnecks as she averted her gaze from her fellow campers. They eyed her with an expression of wariness, and while it hurt, she didn’t blame them.

The whispers were what cut deep.

I’m not surprised he ran off his Kronos! He always seemed off to me… I’m surprised she didn’t run off without him!

She had been living in her head the past few days to ignore the whispers, thinking of better times to distract from the hurt.

Despite everything, (Y/n) couldn’t bring herself to think ill of Luke, unlike her fellow campers.

They didn’t know him like her.

And maybe there was a nostalgic haze clouding her vision, but maybe it was just love.

⋆✦⋆

“Babe, watch my dive!”

(Y/n) sat up from her spot on the rock and frowned as she saw Luke standing on one of the taller rocks.

“That water is really shallow, Luke!” She called back, shielding her eyes from the warm sun.

“It’ll be fine!” He waved her off as he begin to back up slightly, preparing to take a running jump.

(Y/n) bit her lip in fear as she watched him jump off the rock and into the sparkling water, droplets from the splash sprinkling her face.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when he popped out of the water with a boyish grin, shaking the water from his curls like a wet dog. “Did it look cool?” He smiled up at her as he swam closer.

The girl rolled her eyes but couldn’t bite back her smile as she brushed a wet curl from his forehead. Okay yeah, it did look cool. But she wasn’t going to admit that. “You had a good form, I guess.”

“You guess?” Luke scoffed as he grabbed her ankles. “That dive probably could’ve gotten me an Olympic ten!”

“An Olympic ten?” She snorted. “What do you know about an Olymp—” Before she should finish her question, Luke had tugged on her legs and pulled her into the water with a laugh.

And even though she was choking up the water that had went up her nose, (Y/n) hadn’t felt more at peace then in this moment.

⋆✦⋆

“Morning, beautiful.” Luke smiled softly as his girlfriend sat down next to him. “You slept in late.”

(Y/n) frowned and looked at the table, seeing how little food was left. “Probably too late, I missed breakfast.”

Luke sighed dramatically and grabbed her hand. “That really sucks. You have no food, you’re going to starve.”

“Luke—” Her shoulders fell as she looked up at him. “Don’t rub it in.”

It was silent for a moment before Luke pushed a plate towards her, smiling softly. “Yeah, it must suck that your boyfriend didn’t save you any breakfast.”

A sense of pride swelled within his chest as her face lit up at the sight of chocolate chip waffles, her favorite.

Before she grabbed the plate, she pressed a kiss to the bottom of his jaw. “You’re the best.” She mumbled.

Luke laughed fondly before kissing her forehead. “Yeah, yeah. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve?”

This was weird for him, but it was a nice kind of weird. With (Y/n) he didn’t feel like Luke Castellan: Best Swordsman in Camp and the  counselor of the Hermes cabin.

He was just Luke. Or, as she liked to call him: babe, baby, dumbass, jerk, or whatever other nickname she came up with.

It all melted away with her. They just felt so… domestic. They werent two demigods who were dealt a bad hand at life when they were with eachother. They were just Luke and (Y/n), and he loved Luke and (Y/n).

⋆✦⋆

Quiet days at Camp Half-Blood were hard to come by.

There was always something going on. Capture the flag, sword training, archery, or other physically strenuous things.

So whenever there was free time to sit around and spend time with eachother, Luke and (Y/n) made sure to take it.

Sure— they practically saw each other every hour of everyday, but most of the time they were sparring.

And (Y/n) wasn’t a fighter.

It’s not that she wasn’t a good fighter, as she had trained with Luke and he made sure she was good, she just didn’t enjoy it.

What she enjoyed most was spending time doing the things she enjoyed, like reading and Luke.

There was an area by the lake they had made their own. It was semi-secluded and far enough away from the shoreline to keep dry but close enough for a pretty view. (Although both would argue that eachother was the prettiest view.)

None of their friends ever found the two in this spot, but it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to be found draped across the picnic blanket, Luke’s head in her lap with her fingers tangled in his hair and the sound of (Y/n)‘s voice struggling through a book.

Luke laughed as he heard his girlfriend mess up another line. He thought it was cute that she enjoyed reading out loud to him, despite her dyslexia.

Currently, she was attempting to read Emma, which was written in older English which made it all that harder for her to read.

But yet she persisted, and Luke admired that about her.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes playfully as pushed his head off her lap. “Don’t laugh. You can’t even read this either.”

Luke frowned as he was pushed off of her lap and sat up. “Why’d you push me off?”

“You’re such a baby..” She mumbled with a smile. “Imagine what everyone would think if they saw you right now.”

The brown haired boy grabbed her chin gently and leaned in closer. “You know I don’t care about that.”

His warm breath fanned her face as he spoke. “I just love you, why wouldn’t I be like this?”

For her, he would mold like clay. Forming to be whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

Of course, (Y/n) never wanted him to be anything but himself.

And that was even better. She never expected anything but love out of him, and that he was happy to give.

(Y/n) averted her face from him as she bit her lip. “You go so soft around me. Nothing like swordsman Luke.”

“I definitely don’t go soft.” Luke snorted as he pulled her into his lap.

“Luke!” Her face bloomed red as she heard his innuendo. “You’re such a freak.”

“Yeah, but you love it.” He shrugged before leaning forward to connect their lips.

⋆✦⋆

The seventeen year old bit at her nails in anxiety.

She was standing outside the Hermes cabin, debating on whether or not she should go see her best friend.

“What are you doing outside?”

(Y/n) flinched in shock at the sudden noise and turned around, frowning as she saw Luke standing behind her.

“Oh.. sorry, I thought you were inside.” She rubbed at her arm as she looked away, a nervous habit she had picked up.

“Oh? Did you want to see me?” Luke smirked as he leaned against a post, his brown eyes glinting up at her.

“I mean… yeah.” She shrugged as she stepped down to his level. “You know, you’re going on that quest and—”

“Aw, you wanted to wish me luck!” Luke reached down to intertwine their fingers, something normal between the two friends.

“Duh.” She snorted before taking a deep breath. “I also wanted to tell you to be safe. You’ve got people back at camp waiting for you.”

Luke’s cheeks felt warm at her words. Of course him being careful was always the plan, he didn’t want to die on the quest.

And he did have people he wanted to come back to, like her.

“Who are these people?” He covered up his feelings towards her with a teasing smile, running a hand through his brown curls.

He held his breath in anticipation as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading. Was this it? Was she finally going to admit that she liked him?

“Annabeth. She’s like your sister, she’d be heartbroken if you left.” (Y/n) said in a hushed tone, knowing that the little girl could’ve been anywhere around camp. “Be safe for her.”

Luke deflated as he heard Annabeth’s name. That can’t be why she came here! He huffed and grabbed both of her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“(Y/n).” He said firmly, looking down at her with hooded eyes. “I find it hard to believe you came here to tell me to be safe for Annabeth’s sake.”

“W-what do you mean?” She asked incredulously. “Why is it hard to believe that I want to to be safe for Annabeth.”

“Because Annie can speak for herself, you know that.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s not the only one who cares about me, is she?”

“Well, of course not..” (Y/n) sighed as she crossed her arms. “I care about you.”

“But you don’t want me to come home to you?”

“L-Luke that’s not— I didn’t mean—” She stuttered as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and frantic.

“Then be selfish for once, ask me to come home for you.” He breathed out as he cupped her face.

The tender way in which he held her contrasted with the roughness of his hands, years of sword fighting causing them to become rugged. It felt right.

(Y/n) gave in as she melted into his touch, it never took much convincing from him for her to break.

“Come home for me.” She whispered as squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Luke. I—”

Luke’s thumb grazed over her cheek as he fought the urge to lean in closer. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always be here.”

Slowly, Luke tilted her head towards him. “Can I—” He pursed his lips in hesitation. “Can I kiss you?”

⋆✦⋆

It was a miracle. Divine intervention, perhaps.

It wasn’t often that Luke’s team had won against Clarisse’s during capture that flag, but when they did it was a huge deal.

“Babe!” Luke’s boisterous voice yelled as he ran over to his girlfriend. “We won!”

His body slammed into hers as he hugged her tightly, their armor making a clash! as they collided.

“I know! I’m so proud of you.” She beamed up at him as he pulled away. She really was, beating the team that had the Ares cabin on it was always difficult.

(Y/n) squealed happily as Luke picked her up by her waist and spun her around, happy laughs escaping his mouth as he squeezed her.

“Proud of me? I’m proud of you!” He said as he set her down on the ground.

“Oh whatever, you’re the captain.” She leaned up on her toes to give him a peck on his cheek. “I didn’t do much.”

“Is it a crime for me to be proud of my girl?” He smirked and threw an arm around her waist, tugging her closer.

“No.” (Y/n) blushed when he called her his girl, “But you should be more proud of yourself.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Luke shrugged nonchalantly. “But I like sharing my victory with my girlfriend.”

He leaned down and kissed her, his hands immediately finding their home on her waist.

He didn’t care if his friends thought he was lame for being so openly affectionate towards (Y/n), she was the only one that mattered.

The girl laughed into the kiss as he squeezed her waist. “Luke, we’re still in the middle of everyone.” She mumbled as she pulled away.

Luke looked around at the crowd before smirking.

“Well…” He started as he looked down at her, his eyes hazy and his smile wide.

Before she knew it, Luke had thrown her over his shoulder and began to march out of the field.

“Let’s get out of here!”

⋆✦⋆

[driverlando]

🏎️ max verstapen thighs. thats it. thats the tweet.

no but like hed catch you staring and then does somethinging about it🤭

congrats!! one if the best writers and blogs on here.

thank you so much lovie 🥹🫶🫶

—

The evening was quiet, the kind of calm that settled in after a long day. Max had just returned from a grueling training session, his muscles taut and glistening with a faint sheen of sweat. He was sprawled on the couch, flipping through the channels, his attention divided between the TV and the soft hum of conversation between the two of you.

You tried to focus on the movie playing on your laptop, but your eyes kept drifting to Max’s thighs. They were firm and powerful, the product of countless hours of training and racing. The way his shorts clung to them, outlining every curve and muscle, was nothing short of mesmerizing.

You thought you were being discreet, but Max’s keen eyes didn’t miss much. He noticed the way your gaze lingered, the subtle flush that crept up your cheeks each time you glanced at him. A slow, knowing smile spread across his lips, a plan already forming in his mind.

He shifted slightly, stretching out one leg and then the other, his movements deliberate and teasing. “Comfortable?” he asked casually, his voice smooth and easy.

“Yeah, just watching this movie,” you replied, trying to sound nonchalant. But your eyes betrayed you, flicking back to his thighs for just a moment too long.

Max’s smile widened. “Really? Because it looks like you’re a bit… distracted.”

Your cheeks burned, and you quickly looked away. “No, I’m not distracted,” you protested weakly. “I’m just… enjoying the movie.”

He chuckled softly, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. “Come here,” he said, patting the space beside him on the couch.

Hesitantly, you set your laptop aside and moved closer. Max reached out, his strong hands guiding you until you were sitting between his legs, your back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, his touch warm and reassuring.

“You know,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear, “if you wanted to touch, all you had to do was ask.”

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding in your chest. “Max,” you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. “I wasn’t… I mean, I didn’t…”

He hushed you with a gentle kiss on your neck, his hands sliding down to rest on your thighs. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I like it when you look at me like that.”

His fingers traced slow, lazy circles on your skin, each touch sending waves of heat through your body. You could feel the tension in his muscles, the raw power beneath his skin, and it only heightened your desire.

“You like my thighs, don’t you?” he asked, his voice low and husky.

You nodded, unable to form words. Max’s touch was driving you wild, and all you could think about was how much you wanted him.

He chuckled again, the sound vibrating through you. “I like it too,” he said, his hands sliding higher. “I like knowing that you want me.”

Before you could respond, Max’s hands were on the move, his fingers slipping under the hem of your shorts. You gasped, your body arching into his touch, the sensation overwhelming.

“Max,” you breathed, your voice barely more than a whisper.

He didn’t stop, his hands exploring, teasing, driving you to the edge. “Tell me what you want,” he murmured, his lips trailing down your neck. “Tell me how much you need me.”

“I need you,” you admitted, your voice shaking with desire. “Please, Max, I need you.”

He groaned softly, his hands gripping your hips as he shifted you slightly, positioning you just right. “Then take what you need,” he said, his voice thick with arousal. “I’m all yours.”

With that, you turned, straddling his thigh, your hands gripping his shoulders for support. Max’s eyes were dark with desire, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps as he looked up at you.

“Show me,” he said, his voice a low growl. “Show me how much you want me.”

You didn’t need any more encouragement. Leaning down, you captured his lips in a fiery kiss, your body moving against his in a rhythm that felt both desperate and perfect. Max’s hands roamed over you, his touch sending sparks of pleasure through your every nerve.

The world outside disappeared, leaving only the two of you, lost in the heat of the moment. Your bodies moved together in perfect harmony, each touch, each kiss, bringing you closer to the edge.

Max’s hands found their way back to your thighs, gripping them firmly as he guided your movements. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe and desire. “So perfect.”

You could feel the tension building, a wave of pleasure rising higher and higher. With one final, desperate cry, you came, your body trembling as the orgasm tore through you.

Max held you close, his own release following moments later, a powerful, overwhelming sensation that left you both breathless and spent.

As you lay together, the afterglow of your shared passion surrounding you, Max’s fingers gently traced patterns on your skin. “I love you,” he murmured, his voice soft and tender.

“I love you too,” you whispered back, closing your eyes.

[mopopshop]

Complications (Paige Bueckers x OC)

based on this request <-

okay so i lied, i wrote this like immediately after it was requested bcs i loved the idea sm, i’m actually really happy with this one and i hope y’all like it too

send more requests for this series if you’d like, enjoy and give feedback!! 🫶🏾🫶🏾😝

warnings: kinda angsty, swearing

It's a warm Friday afternoon, and you’re caught up at work, your laptop pinging with notifications and emails that need immediate attention. You sigh, glancing at the clock, knowing you won't be able to make it home in time to drop Rya off at Caleb’s for the weekend.

You dial Paige’s number, and she picks up on the second ring. "Hey, baby," she says, her voice a comforting contrast to your stressful day.

"Hey, P. I'm so sorry, but I'm swamped at work. Can you drop Rya off at Caleb’s? He wants her over for the weekend"

"Of course," Paige replies without hesitation. "No problem. I’ll take care of it."

"Thank you," you say, feeling a rush of gratitude. "I owe you one."

Paige laughs softly. "You don’t owe me anything, babe. See you when you get home, love you”

“Love you,” you say then hang up and dive back into your work, trusting Paige completely.

---

Paige arrives at Caleb’s house with Rya, the little girl chattering excitedly about her day the whole way there. They approach the door, and Paige rings the bell. Caleb opens it, his expression immediately shifting to one of annoyance when he sees Paige.

"Hey, man" Paige murmurs. "Rya’s ready for the weekend."

Caleb ignores her, not meeting her eyes. "Rya, go put your stuff in your room."

Rya gives Paige a quick hug before running inside with her backpack.

“Where’s Alara?”

“Uhh she got caught up at work and asked me to drop off Ry” Paige says, standing there awkwardly and waiting to make sure everything is okay.

"Is there something you need?" Caleb asks, his tone clipped.

Paige is taken aback but remains calm. "Nah-no, I just wanted to make sure everything was good before I left."

"We’re good," he deadpans before shutting the door in her face.

Paige walks back to her car with her hands stuffed in her pockets, feeling a knot of unease in her stomach. She drives home, her mind replaying the interaction. When she arrives, she finds you sitting on the couch, finally off work and relaxing.

"Hey, how did it go?" you ask, looking up with a smile.

Paige sits beside you, her expression troubled. "Um.. It was weird? Caleb was real short with me and kind of rude. I don’t know what his problem is, but it felt off."

Your smile fades, replaced by a frown. "He did what?"

"He barely said anything to me and shut the door in my face" Paige explains, her discomfort evident.

Anger bubbles up inside you. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Lara, baby, maybe we should just let it go," Paige suggests, but you’re already grabbing your keys.

"Yeah no. He doesn't get to treat you like that," you say firmly, heading out the door.

---

You arrive at Caleb’s house, your anger simmering just below the surface. You knock on the door with more force than necessary. Caleb opens it, looking surprised to see you.

" What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," you say, pushing past him into the house.

"About what?" Caleb asks, his tone defensive.

"About the way you treated Paige earlier," you snap. "She did me a favor by bringing Rya here because I was stuck at work, and you were being a dick to her. What's your problem?"

“I don’t have a fucking problem with her”

“Oh? Really? You barely spoke to her and slammed the door in her face but that’s you not having a problem with her?”

Caleb's face hardens, his jaw clenching. "I just don't think it's appropriate for her to be so involved in Rya's life. She's not Rya's parent."

"And you think you have the right to decide that?" you snap back. "Paige has been more of a parent to Rya than you ever have. She's there for her every day, supporting and loving her."

"I'm her father," Caleb insists, his voice growing louder. "I have a right to be concerned about who she's spending time with."

"And I'm her mother, who she happens to spend 95% of her time with” you counter. "And right now, Paige is the one who's consistently there. If you want to be more involved in Rya's life, then be here. Show up. Don't just pop in and out whenever it's convenient for you and then act like you have any authority over who can and can't be around her."

Caleb's fists clench at his sides. "I want to be there for Rya, but it’s not easy."

"But it is!" you laugh exasperatedly, covering your hands with your face. 

“My god, You didn’t even deal with the hard shit! Jesus, Caleb, do you know how dense you sound right now? You were barely fucking there for my pregnancy—“

“I had shit going on! I was a kid who was still in school, who had a year of school left—“

“So was I! Do you think I wanted to balance growing an entire human inside my body and school at the same time?”

Caleb stares back at you in silence as you continue.

“I was the one who had to get two jobs to support me and Rya. I was the one who still managed to finish school with an 8 month old. I was the one who managed— despite everything! to get into college and pursue a degree. So trust me, showing up for your daughter is the bare minimum at this point”

Caleb's face contorts with a mix of frustration and guilt, but you press on, your voice unwavering.

"You think it's so hard for you? Imagine how hard it is for Rya to have a father who shows up whenever he feels like it. Do you know how many times she's asked why you weren't there for her school events? Or why you missed her birthday last year? She deserves better than that."

Caleb looks away, his fists still clenched. "I know I've messed up. But I'm trying."

"Trying isn't good enough," you say firmly. "Actions speak louder than words, Caleb. If you really want to be a part of Rya's life, you need to prove it. Be a consistent presence in her life. Until you do, you don't get to undermine the people who are actually here for her."

Caleb glares at you, his eyes flashing with anger. "It's not that simple, Alara. You have no idea what I'm dealing with."

"You're right," you say, your voice steady but full of fury. "I don't know because you never communicate. You think you can just waltz in and out of Rya's life and dictate who gets to be involved? It doesn't work that way. Paige and I have been together for two and a half fucking years! I mean— when are you gonna accept that Rya sees her as a parent already??”

Caleb's face reddens, but he doesn't respond. The silence stretches between you, thick with unresolved tension.

"I'm— I’m done with this conversation," you say finally, turning to leave. "Just know this: Paige isn’t going anywhere. If you want to be a part of Rya's life, you need to accept that."

You slam the door behind you, your heart pounding with adrenaline and anger. As you drive home, your thoughts swirl with frustration.

When you walk in the door, Paige is waiting, concern etched on her face. 

"How did it go?" she asks softly, walking up to you and giving you a kiss

"Not great," you admit, reaching up around her neck to hug her. "But I made it clear that he doesn’t have a say in whether or not you can be around Rya”

Paige wraps her arms around you, providing the comfort you need. "We'll get through this," she whispers.

You nod, leaning into her embrace, knowing that no matter what happens with Caleb, you have a strong, loving family right here.

———

[bitchlessdino]

"like i can" (m)

a/n: maybe ill fix it up with a banner after but for now i just need yall to see the vision

w.c. 1.6k

warning: fratboy!chan x older working adult fem!reader dynamic, ex's younger brother, mommy kink, switch!chan, a lot of dirty talk, unprotected sex, possessive chan, oral (giving and rec), praise kink, exchanging cum, probably grammar mistakes

Tagging @the-boy-meets-evil @dirtysvthoughts @okiedokrie @kwanisms @highvern @whipped-for-kpop-fics @wonustars @sluttyminghao for those who was there that helped me or brain rotted me ily and hopefully I didn’t miss anyone

You swore off men. Anyone with a dick would be off limits. Especially Lee men. After your last relationship, dick truly fucked up any potential future relationship for you.

So why the fuck were you on your knees? You had no excuse being there, no excuse for sucking dry your ex-boyfriend’s younger brother. No matter how hot and sweaty he looks after coming home from the gym. You were just there to drop off his asshole brother’s things. And maybe have that lemonade he was offering. And surely lemonade is not code for a mouth full of frat boy dick like when you were in college.

Yet somehow.

“Shit…this is so…wrong…” As Lee Chan fought you off with his words, his hands decidedly thread through your hair, locking his soft kind eyes with you as your lips wrapped around his cock and slobbering over his length that was a surprisingly pleasant size.

“He’s gonna fucking hate me,” he whined, only for his hips to softly piston in your mouth.

Your moans vibrated against his skin, sending waves of nerves throughout his body. Chan was irrevocably enthralled by you and always has been when his brother introduced you to his family for the first time, but never in all his years did he imagine he’d have you in such a position. In any position really.

The corner of your lips stretched to your ears, licking a long  thick stripe up his shaft before cradling his cock against your face. “Do you want to stop, pretty boy?”

His lips parted to speak only to close back up, pressing them into a firm line before another moan escaped through them as you kissed his bulging veins. The whites of his nails piercing the leather of the couch he was pinned against as his eyes fell shut, muttering a mantra of apologies for his older brother missing in action.

“You’re such a good boy to worry about your brother. He’s so lucky to have you,” you complimented as you stroked him around a clenched fist.

Chan shook his head, a remorseful frown on his face. “Definitely not a good enough one,” he managed to mutter.

“But look, you’re letting your brother’s ex girlfriend suck your cock but all you can think about how he’d feel. You’re such a good boy.” Your nails claw down his bare torso, from his heaving pectoral to to his clenched abdomen. Someone above put a test in front of him and he was failing. “And too good of a brother.”

He swallowed a lump down your throat, feet glued to the ground, stooping his knees from completely giving out. “This…shouldn’t have happened…it shouldn’t be happening—“

“Then why don’t you stop me?”

He exhaled a shallow breath. “You know why I can’t.”

“Dumb it down for me why don’t you?”

“Fuck,” he buried his reluctance in the back of his throat, hips leaning towards you before they shifted, gaining momentum. “It’s you, that’s why.”

“Me?” You chuckled before putting him back in your mouth, squeezing around his girth.

His hands found claim back on your hair before losing control of his morals, no longer tiptoeing around eggshells and instead crushing them along his path. “Yes, you.”

Your eyes dilate a centimeter too wide when his tense expression melts into one of acceptance, then determination as his body relaxed into your warmth and plummeted down your throat. “It’s always…been you.”

He could no longer resist your advances, letting out a groan of anguish as he emptied in your mouth, cradling the crown of your head to his groin as his stream poured inside of you, his hips faltering as he the white disappear past your lips. Tapping against his hips, he released you mercilessly, ensuing the coughing and the gagging that inevitably came. “You…dirty boy,” you chided, face warm and throat sore.

He softly scoffed, before picking you up from the ground and smashing his lips against yours. “If you’re not holding back than neither should I…Mommy.”

“Mommy?” You grinned.

“Too much?”

“Oh, baby boy. Not at all.” You threw your arms around him, languidly moving your lips, and letting the taste of his own cum penetrated Chan’s senses, only enticing him more. “Lay it all out for mommy. Can you do that for me, baby?”

He gingerly nodded, hand caressing your face with an inspired smile. “Yes, anything. Anything mommy wants, I can do.”

“What do you want, baby?”

He sighed. “I want to taste Mommy.”

“You do, don’t you,” your kiss him playfully, grinding against his cock, feeling him grow under your touch. “Show me how much you want it.”

“Mmh, I want it,” he lifted you off the ground before moving you back toward the dining table planting you flat against the dining table. “I’ll show Mommy exactly how much I want it.”

He tugged off your skirt, flashing your wet panties practically drenched in your anticipation. You heard him take a sharp breath, already inhaling that scent that he knows was now forever ingrained into every wrinkle of his brain.

“You look like you’re about to eat me alive, baby,” You mused.

“And Mommy would be right.”

He pulled you by the legs, emitting a small yelp, before all you could feel was his mouth on your clothed cunt, sucking your wetness through your lace, and his moans against you, living and breathing inside you. Your hands reach either edge of the table before started riding his face, erupting his giggles, “I get to taste mommy’s pussy…I’m fucking dreaming.”

“Mmh, Chan,” you moaned, your fingers pressing into his head and feeling his tongue explore you like the new world.

“Mommy…” he parted your panties to the side, tasting until it’s only raw heat on his tongue and he swallowing every drop.

“Baby like mommy’s pussy?”

You felt him nod. “Mommy’s pussy is perfect…need her cum in my mouth.”

“Work for it, baby.” You laughed.

“Yes, Mommy.” 

If Chan’s mouth was law, you’d be a follower. You embraced every caress, every stroke, every thrust of his tongue. The ‘fuck me’ eyes that stared back at you as he ruined you like rain on parade. You braced on the table, hips taking his face, walls fluttering, and breathing in staggering breaths. “Oh my god,” you spoke as if confessing sin, “I’m gonna cum.”

Chan could not stop himself, and what was between your legs became safe haven. You rode his face until you saw stars, planets, whatever the galaxy offered, while Chan’s name echoed throughout the room and bounced off the walls.

He clamped his grip on your hips, fusing himself to you and tasting your climax flood his gums with the sensation of every twitch of your thighs. As soon as they faltered, he found your lips, mixing your cum in his mouth with remnants of his cum in yours, both swallowing betrayal that’s been long forgotten the moment Chan laid eyes on a freshly single you. “Taste that, mommy? Taste good that pretty pussy of yours is?”

“Baby…”

You tugged on his hair, grinding your hips against him and feel that cock slide against your pussy lips and thinking about how you both were still so close yet so far.

You needed it. You needed Chan. You need to feel him stretch you out fuck the shit out of you. You needed him to ruin you on this stupid family dining room table that humiliates you now that the person that introduced you has put an end to things on his own terms. You were gonna get closure your way and no other way.

“I want baby’s cock in me…”

Chan smiles, hands tracing over your curves and lines. “Mommy, are you asking or are you telling?”

“I’m demanding.”

His smile was only more radiant after your tone shift, positioning himself exactly where he needed to be. “Anything for you, Mommy.”

It’s big. It’s thick. But after the feast Chan had, he was sliding through you with ease, testing the limits of your endurance as he vanished inside you. Your voice gave out, hands planting on either of his shoulders as he took you by the hips to drag you against him across the table. 

You rest your forehead against his. “Baby...”

“That feel good?”

You nodded. “So good, baby. Your pretty cock pushing in and out my cum.”

He groaned, his hands moving to squeeze your hips, “Mommy, your mouth—”

“Filthy hmm? Like your cock fucking my mouth or how your tongue tasted my pussy?” 

He moaned, against your lips, pounding you against him so desperately the table shook and it was a study table from your experience. “Your talking is gonna make me cum, Mommy.”

“Good because it’s all I want: baby’s cum in mommy’s pussy, squirting your fat load inside of Mommy…Make Mommy yours.”

“Mommy, you’re killing me.”

Your nails ran down his back, pleased. Lips tasting the salt in his sweat, and your breath cooling the heat of his flushed neck. “Mommy just wants you to empty out in her, fuck her better than anyone else has.”

“Better than anyone else…like my brother?” He asked in gentle reluctance.

“Would that be hard for you? You think you can’t fuck me like your brother would?”

Violently, he shook his head. “No,” his hips take flight and a moan cracked out of your lips. “I don’t think anyone would fuck Mommy like I can. Especially my brother.”

“Yeah?” You clenched around his biceps. “You gonna make me forget what he feels like?”

“I’ll make you forget his name.”

“Chan…”

“Mommy won’t remember nobody’s name but mine.”

You don’t remember when it was that you arrived at this house but you’d soon realize when you’d come. And come. And come.

And come until Chan was empty, or at least until someone finally came home. But it was the weekend. Your ex was out of town and so was his parents. 

So who the fuck knows when that is.

[a-tragical-tale]

little light ; dysphoria

Spencer Reid x BAU Reader

TLDR: reader suffers with post-coital dysphoria after her and Spencer's first time - it's fluff, but like, emotionally i did just butcher myself for tumblr - 3969 words

Warnings: they had sex before but no smut, it is sort of depressingly written tbh, talk of bad past sexual relationships, reader has low self worth - please let me know if anything else

Notes: Second Person, no y/n because it's 2024 and I can't keep reading about Yename. He's listed as being thirty-one so we are hovering around mid-Crim-Min-Spence x

-

You are not broken.

You know this. Every Google search, WebMD article, and Reddit thread you’ve ever stalked tells you this over and over. There’s nothing wrong with you. It just happens sometimes. It’s the way it is. The brain is weird. Funny. Easily wired. So, maybe your brain made connections in the wrong places, or you hit your hardware, or were born with switches facing the opposite direction. It’s not you, it’s… it’s your brain. There’s peace in that, you tell yourself. There has to be. Everybody says it like there is.

How you handle it though – that part – is all you.

Because guys don’t typically mind when the girls they sleep with stalk off for some alone time. It gives them a hot minute to find their clothes and pack their things and plan their best excuse – I have work tomorrow, or I actually have someplace to be, or I just remembered I need to be at home for the – uh – electrician. You let them go easily enough; a lie doesn’t change the fact that they don’t want to be here with you any longer than they have to. Maybe that part is you – the reason why they leave – but… the feelings that you have aren’t your fault. Maybe you’re not cut out for casual sex, or serious sex, or any kind of intimacy at all.

But you want intimacy. You want to be known. To be felt. To be understood.

Spencer knows you.

He has known you romantically for five months, and for two years you’d known each other as friends – coworkers, people who trade glances across cluttered desks and offer coffee and restrap bulletproof vests because you didn’t do it tight enough, are you asking to get shot? – and, well, in the modern age, you guess five months is a long time to not sleep with somebody you’re dating.

And it’s not that you didn’t want to sleep with him.

He’s gorgeous. Obviously. And completely unaware of how gorgeous he is.

It’s just that things change afterward. You wonder if there’s a certain je ne sais quoi that burns up after you’re intimate like that with somebody. Is it about seeing people in a new light? Is it… that it was all they wanted anyway? You’re not sure.

So, you held off. You wanted him to see you like this. The version of you that he asked out for coffee.

But then, one night, after your first day off in two weeks, you’d spent it lazing around in pyjamas and eating snacks instead of meals and watching old reruns from television shows you hadn’t seen since you were twelve, the moment had felt right with Spencer, and you’d slept together at his apartment.

Then, you were holed up in his bathroom, fifteen minutes into a toilet-seat slouch wondering how he was going to kick you out of his home; how you were supposed to face him when your heart was in your stomach and your brain was grey and foggy.

Spencer wasn’t going to do that, surely… he’s Spencer, he’s nice, he’s… he’s too kind for his own good, and that’s what drew you in in the first place. Nobody is just that nice, right? But he is. He was.

But he’s also a guy. And you did just sleep with him. And you are you.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Reddit says so.

About five minutes into your toilet-seat slouch, you remembered this was Spencer’s first time with anybody, and you were being cruel by leaving him out there, all alone, probably wondering if he’d done something wrong and if you were trying not to lose your cool.

Ten minutes in, you feared the sound of two delicate, rhythmic knocks on the old oak door, followed by the gentle cadence of his voice as he mutters you okay?, heart pounding, brows creasing, palms sweating and rubbing against his briefs that he’d found fallen behind his chest of drawers. It never happened, but for every second that passed where it didn’t, you feared every other second where it might. You splashed your face with cold water. You smoothed your hair. You used the toilet and left it so that, in all your genius, you could flush it just a few seconds before you walked out, and you had some story built into the fake look on your face.

Fifteen minutes in, you know you have to leave. It’s getting brutal. It’s getting weird. Even Reddit would call you the asshole with Spencer lying in bed, picking at his fingernails, glancing at every micro-noise echoing from colliding dust particles and creaking floorboards as though it might offer answers to the silence emanating from the door.

You splash your face again and smooth your hair, and you scrub yourself ‘clean’, as though if you look your very best you can bury this feeling.

This horrible feeling.

The… end of the world and you don’t care… feeling.

No amount of cold water rubbed into your murky eyes can clear their heaviness, and how you can’t meet your own gaze in the mirror. You’re not sure if it’s shame. WedMb suggested shame – they said you might have pent up feelings of guilt around sex and intimacy, and maybe that’s true, you’re not sure, but like hell are you going to approach a therapist and tell them you feel sad after sex. WedMd also said trauma. You don’t think it’s trauma. Nothing’s… nothing’s happened, right? Like you can’t have trauma if nothing bad like really happened. You’re just delicate. You’re… too… old-fashioned for the modern world. You don’t casually date. You don’t hook up. You tried it. It left you empty.

So, fifteen minutes and forty-two seconds into your hiding away, you flush the toilet and wash your hands and give yourself a last once over. One of your old t-shirts hangs loosely on your frame. In the movies, in the right book, you’d have found Spencer’s and put it on instead, but you know that means you have to take it off when you get hit with the ‘I had a work call’ and it feels far more embarrassing than it needs to. Fifteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds into hiding away, you open the door, and coil your hair about your ear, and put your best profiler forward.

Smile softly, you tell yourself, shoulders back and straight, form not too stiff, and try to look at him or he’ll think you’re weird – weirder than you already are – and your body language has to be open, like you’re not hiding something.

Spencer’s eyes are on you the moment you come into view. Hair messy, brown puppy-eyes searching for something wrong, brows stitched in quizzical thought, his lips part to speak, but then he says nothing. It’s not you that says there’s something not quite right. It’s the air. Amongst the scent of old books and clean sheets, there is the rotting corpse of words left unspoken. It hides under the bed like all good monsters do, and so, you hover beside it, feet away from the shadows.

“Hi,” you call – why you say this, you’re not sure.

“Hi.” He gulps, voice all raspy, one hand coming to run through his messy curls, the other still firmly planted on the bed to keep himself upright, “Are you okay?”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He’d had the question charged from minute three, and now it ached with all the moments passed. His gaze kindly scrutinised your form – perfected, you think, in the art of ‘everything is blissfully okay’ – and then searched your face, from your half-lidded eyes to swollen lips and flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, yeah, I am all good.” You force a smile as you peer at him, “Are you okay?”

Spencer’s taken aback by the question, though tries not to show it.

From the moment you excused yourself a little faster than he expected and hadn’t looked back, he’d been running through the ordeal, trying to work out what he’d done wrong or if he’d missed some obvious social cue. He hadn’t had much a chance to think about what this experience meant for him – losing your virginity at the ripe old age of thirty-one is… well… something to think about.

But it had happened. Eighteen-year-old Spencer would be losing his mind over this.

And with you, of all people – you with the snappy tone and expressive eyes and delicate hands and cloak of daggers worn to keep people far away from you. You, who gazes into space for far too long, watching the wavering of trees as the leaves caress the breeze, from dawn to twilight, like they’re talking to you – like they have answers. You, who, underneath all the sarcasm and avoidance, is soft and warm, and, knowing of your tenderness, understands best how to keep it safe from harm.

“I’m fine.” His tone is shy and bashful, and he peers away to his creased bedsheets and clothes strewn about the room.

He doesn’t know how to act around you – he’s waiting for you to get closer, to tell him what you’re thinking behind those furrowed brows – and, in turn, you hover, waiting for the next words that will leave him.

“Did I-,” his eyes flick back to yours for a brief moment, “did I do something wrong?”

“Huh? No, no, no…” you say a little too quietly.

“Oh… okay…” his lips flatten, “it’s just, I get this… feeling, like… like I did something wrong.”

And then the guilt drowns you. It doesn’t change those initial feelings of shame and sadness that swallowed you whole but adds another tone of blue to the already sea-swamped canvas.

How could Spencer ever do anything wrong?

You know you have to speak now; offer some cheap, shit excuse that’ll at least make him feel better. Just something not as vulnerable as, I just get really sad after sex. In essence, those words are easy enough to say. They’re a string of simple feeling. But they’re… electrified with so much more than the letters that form them.

It’s all too close.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Spence.” You rasp, “You’re such a worrier.” You force that façade again – the smug, the aloof, the all too cool for heavy emotions version of yourself that Spencer asked out for coffee – that has carried you since you were young.

“I always worry about you.” He admits in this beautiful, delicate way.

The ghost of your smile still lingers.

You keep your distance as you gather clothes from the floor, feeing the icy brush of Spencer’s gaze as you move about the room. You shake the wrinkles from his shirt and hang it on the corner of his door so it might straighten out a little, and then fold his trousers and find his socks.

“You’re stressed.” He mumbles.

“Hm?”

“You always clean when you’re stressed.” He straightens a little more then, “You – uh – you clean your environment because you think it’ll help you think better, o-or you’re compensating for the mess in your head by dealing with the mess right in front of you. The physical is easier to deal with the mental, but… you probably knew that already because you… you always clean when you’re stressed.”

You lay his trousers on the edge of the bed alongside his socks, balled together, and then clasp your hands in front of you.

“’m not stressed.” You say.

“You’re upset.”

“’m not upset.” This one comes out snappier than you mean it to – like a growl before a bite.

“You can tell me if something’s bothering you, you know,” his head slightly cocks to the side, “I… I know I’m not… I mean, you’ve obviously been with guys who know more than me-,”

“It’s not you, Spence.”

Gentle. You manage the gentleness in this one.

“But there is an it.”

Your jaw tenses and you look away.

You wonder if you should just show all your cards and let him decide for himself if he wants to deal with that. With you. There’s nothing wrong with you, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of, even if that heavy feeling tells you differently.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He says then, “I don’t know if that’s what you’re thinking, but… just in case.” he scratches the nape of his neck, “I… did you- do you… wanna go, I don’t…”

You preferred it when this happened in your apartment. At least then, you weren’t edged out. Guys leave easier.

But there’s a lot on the line.

You can’t just leave and never speak to him again – well, at least, not easily – and, at some point, you’d have to deal with this. He would coax it out of you one calm day at your desk, or you’d admit it drunk and stumbling out of a bar. That would likely be worse. What about your relationship? Do you never sleep together again? Do you do this song and dance every time? Or do you separate to run from it – from the shameless shame?

You try to be honest.

“I just…”

But honesty – vulnerability – does not come easy.

“I… sex is just… a weird subject for me.”

Spencer straightens now, hands in his lap, sitting in the mess of bedsheets and odd pillows, the tender glow of his lamp emphasising golden threads weaving his hair. His gaze is always so intense, and you do best to avoid it when it comes to matters of the heart – of the serious, emotional kind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“You couldn’t have known, I don’t really talk about it.” you rush to say – don’t blame yourself, you’re not wrong, Spence, how could you be wrong? It’s me, or, it’s not me because Google says that this happens sometimes because of shame or trauma but I’m not ashamed of you, a-and nothing happened, I just… fuck, Spence! – but you shrug and say none of that.

“Well, I…” he blinks as he glances around the room, cheeks rouging, “I… need to know about this kind of stuff,” he says your name so gently, you could sob – he always speaks to you like he’s mid-prayer, “I… need to know if you’re okay, and what I can do to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am okay.”

“If you were okay, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“It’s not… it’s not really a… thing you do something about.”

A moment of quiet.

“I’m sorry, angel, I don’t really understand – can you… what kind of thing is it?”

You know he thinks something happened in your past. His gaze screams of it so loudly that you think back and wonder if being abandoned every time you showed the most intimate parts of yourself could be classified as a somewhat traumatic experience. You wonder if you cloud your skin with indifference so that it’s easier to hide your disappointment – like the leaving might hurt less if you’re already prepared, or if you’re expecting it, if you look like you don’t care.

Spencer, however, has made no move to leave just yet, and his offer for you to leave was more for your sake than his own. He is different, you guess. He’s always hummed at a different frequency to the rest of the world, like some… extraterrestrial that knew the universe better than anyone else.

His brows flick up and you realise you’ve been quiet in thought for far too long.

“I…” stop, your body yells, “nothing, nothing.” your head shakes, and you emit somewhere between a self-effacing laugh and a cry of terror at how close you’d gotten to showing your cards.

“Baby…” his voice is low and calm and all-too-patient and so much nicer than you probably deserve, “I need to know about this.”

And God, if he didn’t say it so sweet, you might’ve had the edge to snap back and tell him to leave it well enough alone.

He reaches out and his fingers gesture you to finally sit on the bed, instead of remaining planted on your bare feet, ready to run. You watch him, as though half-expecting his touch to be aggressive or painful or burning, but cave under the weight of such wide, brown eyes, searing into yours with their heaven-sent leniency and infinite understanding.

You think about leaving.

You could be alone, then, and you’d rather be alone when you feel like this – like someone could hold a gun to your head and you wouldn’t even flinch. You’d close your eyes just to make it easier for them.

And yet, as his fingers stretch outwards, you swallow the wretchedness, and you crack. Not meeting his gaze, you settle on the bed, legs still hanging off the side, in distance enough for his calloused hands to grasp your forearm and for his thumb to trace your skin in a rhythmic back-and-forth that grounds you far more than a violent grip ever could.

Some people are born temperate.

“Talk to me.” he urges.

“I don’t like talking.”

“I know you don’t,” his lips quirk at the corner, “but, your feelings, they’re safe with me. I just wanna understand you – I wanna help, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t believe you. Fuck, you don’t even believe yourself.

Instead of pointing out the lie, his smile ghosts his lips again.

“You’re so stubborn.” He murmurs in this nostalgic way, as though the stubbornness – the lying – isn’t all that bad.

“It’s why you’re obsessed with me.”

His head softly shakes.

“What’s going on in there?” his fingers trace your hairline and coil around your ear, and then his thumb grazes your cheek, and it’s all too painful with its featheriness, and your teeth grit in a bitter attempt to not let it show.

You didn’t know you could feel such light touches.

Your brows, however, aching now, reveal your thoughts all too well.

You decide to show your cards. At the end of any game, every player exhibits their hand out of  morbid curiosity.

Your gaze shifts away. Cool air prances around your feet, raring to take you anywhere else.

“I…” you stammer, “erm… sex… is…” you bite your cheek as you think, “I get sad… sometimes. ‘nd I don’t know why.”

“Okay.” he says, and for a moment, that’s all he says – just quiet acceptance of the truth.

His hand drops from your hair. Your heart’s electric beat shocks innocent parts of yourself and you struggle to keep the panic from reaching your face. Instead, his grasp returns to your forearm.

“What kind of sad?”

“Just…” you shrug, “sad… like… really sad.”

“And what are you thinking?” he asks, “When you’re sad like this, what kind of thoughts do you have?”

“Uh…”

It feels a little easier to speak now the threshold into your shadow has been crossed, but that doesn’t mean the words come any easier.

“Just… wanna be alone, I guess. Not that… not that I want to be alone, not that I want you to lea- or I would leave, I guess, it’s your place, it’s- I-I just… figure… if I’m going to be a crying mess, I’d rather do it in private.” You swallow, “I’m sorry, I’ve… I’ve never talked to anyone about this before.”

“Nobody? What about – you know – guys before me, you never had this conversation?”

You think about telling him they’d already left by this point, but instead you shake your head and hope he understands.

He does. In the delicate scrunch of his brows and wandering of his eyes to your forearm as he traces those soothing lines, you know he knows. 

“I’m…” he sucks in a breath, “not… gonna ask you to leave or anything like that, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I know.”

You’re on fire tonight. Every other phrase out of your mouth is littered with an attempt to pacify his mind and hide your own.

He calls your name.

“It’s… normal sometimes-,” here we go, you think, “to have complicated feelings after sex. It’s intimate. It’s vulnerable. And the chemicals released during sex can really confuse any pre-existing emotions. Right now,” his fingers return to trace the lace of your hair around your ear, “your serotonin and dopamine levels, having skyrocketed, are plummeting fast… and that, combined with any – uh – intricate feelings about sex can really mess with your mood. It’s called – uh – post-coital dysphoria,” you know this, but he’s trying to help, so you let him talk – it sounds much better coming from him than any medical research website anyway, “really, at its root, it stems from some kind of idea or feeling, like… resentment… anxiety… or if something happened-,”

“Nothing happened.” you breathe quietly.

“Okay,” he lets you have it, but you’re not sure if he believes you, “you know, physical contact and talking are actually ways to help regulate the emotional crash you receive post-intercourse.” You cringe at the use of the word, and he smirks, “So… what I’m saying is,” his thumb traces your cheek, “I love you… come back to bed… and let me take care of you.”

Your gaze is glassy as you flick about his features. His shadowy eyes. The bump on the bridge of his nose. His lips, curved into a sympathetic smile, gently perking at his cheeks.

“You don’t want to feel like this, do you, angel?” he asks.

“No.”  you whine quietly, like a shot dog.

“You deserve to be taken care of.” His brows pinch, “Just because you haven’t been doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

You realise that no number of Google searches or WedMD articles or Reddit threads could soothe that restless worry constantly stirring beneath your skin, and you probably did need the intimacy that comes from being told by somebody you love that you deserve softness. You are more than the way your body moves. You are more than the chemical crash coursing through your brain.

“Something’s wrong with me.” you say it just to say it.

“There could never be anything wrong with you.”

“People don’t typically feel like killing themselves after sex.”

It comes out much sharper than you intend, but it doesn’t stab Spencer at all.

“I don’t really… believe… in a typical or a normal. I think we’re both far from it, anyway. The brain is a strange thing.”

“The strangest.” You mumble.

There is this soft, quiet moment, as a stream of light breaks through the drawn curtains from a streetlamp outside, as Spencer’s skin runs across yours with its only purpose being to soothe your aching heart and busy mind, where you realise completely that there is no leaving or being left tonight. It scares you a little. You don’t know if you will weep when your head hits the pillow and if your cries will be charged by the inexplicable, or if you will opt for sleep and hope that your unconscious brain can unscramble the twisted tracks guiding your thoughts from one assumption to another.

Either way, you decide very much that you would probably prefer doing that someplace warm, someplace safe, someplace familiar like the crook of Spencer’s shoulder as his fingers brush your groomed hair and his lips dust kisses over your forehead.

“Can-,” you swallow the question, and look away.

“What?” he asks.

“I – uh -,” how can you ask to be held? “you’re probably right about… about how to – erm – deal with this.”

Spencer smirks.

“You think so?”

“Stop it.”

“I never hear you say I’m right-,”

“I said probably.”

“What’s the probability – seventy-thirty?”

“Spencer.” 

He challenges you back with your name and a raised brow, a soft grin crossing his sleepy face.

“Well, I’ll take any sort of win when it comes to you, my… sweet, stubborn girl.”

His offered smile is pure and genuine.

“Come back to bed.”

--

Feedback is welcome :) xx requests too

[ahundredtimesover]

Hold Me Closer | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader (ft. brother Jimin)

Genre/Tags: brother’s best friends au; slight angst, fluff, smut

Warnings: foul language, alcohol consumption; kitchen emergency; eldest child feels, adulting; explicit sexual content (making out, oral m & f receiving, unprotected sex but be safe please!); Seven JK (18+)

Word count: 19.2k

Read Part 1: Hold Me Close

Summary: When you're asked to look after your parents' house and meet them before they go on vacation, you, Jimin, and Jungkook take the trip to your hometown of Busan and relive memories of your youth. While your new relationship has you feeling like a lovesick teenager with all the affection that Jungkook shows you, you're still you - a professional trying to make it in the corporate world, and an eldest child trying not to disappoint her parents. And that turns out to be your undoing, as a little blunder causes a rift between you and Jungkook, resulting in a trip that you might as well have messed up... Not if your brother can help it, though.

Listen to 🎵: Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional

Playlist 🎶: High School Playlist

A/N 1: I know I said I’d be on a break but I reread Hold Me Close and found comfort in this Jungkook 🥹 so I went ahead and wrote this little piece! Whipped and comforting boyfriend JK is what I needed so I hope you enjoy this 💕

Six - the number of work calls you’ve already taken in the last hour, with each one of them lasting one whole song. Jungkook calculates that you’ve spent half of the entire drive since leaving Seoul talking with your boss about some report that he somehow can’t complete without you, which sucks because Jungkook was really looking forward to this road trip with you and his best friend.

You groan after you hang up and the clackity clack of the keyboard continues. He was hoping to hold your hand while he drove and maybe sing with you some of your favorite songs that he put on but it doesn’t seem like those will happen anytime soon. You’re immersed in your work but he guesses you have to be; the sooner this ends, the sooner your focus will be on him and this present moment.

He finds the positive side of it at least. He gets to listen to you explain things - why the numbers are what they are, what targets you reached, and what risks you managed. It’s quite silly but it’s kind of a turn on, hearing you talk about something you know like the back of your hand, pretty much proving to your crap of a boss how good you are at your job and why you’re an asset to the company. You know your shit, and you have a classy way of making sure they know that you do. 

Six calls, and Jungkook already knows half of your project report. And perhaps he’ll know more, as the seventh one comes.

You let it ring for one, two, three times, as you hold your phone in one hand while you continue to type away with the other. 

“I swear to god, ___. If you don’t pick that up, I’m  gonna throw your phone out of this car,” Jimin, who’s comfortably seated in the backseat, growls. 

The dramatics is understandable because one, it’s Jimin and two, the constant ringing is a little bit much.

“___, I’m not fucking kiddi—”

“Hello, sir,” you finally answer, then proceed to discuss this month’s analytics and projections for the succeeding quarter.

Jungkook predicts it’s gonna take you another whole song to finish, so he instead focuses on the road and appreciates the clear skies and familiar scenery of the drive to Busan. His thoughts go to how these next several days are gonna go. There’s visiting your favorite spots growing up, going to a resort, staying in to eat and play video games, and of course, cuddling with you in your room, as you and Jimin will have your parents’ house to yourselves once they leave for their anniversary trip in two days.

His musings are disrupted though, when he looks at the rear view mirror and sees Jimin’s annoyed face blocking his view. Jungkook can’t help but laugh, especially when he hears his best friend grumbling complaints just behind him.

“Leave her be, she’ll be done soon,” Jungkook dismisses him. “They sound like important stuff.”

“She’s talking so loudly!” Jimin groans. “I just want to reminisce and sing along to our teenage emo music, Kook.”

Jungkook turns the music off. 

“There, I paused it. You can sing along once she’s done speaking on the phone,” he says.

Jimin pouts in response. “You always take her side. You weren’t like this when we were kids.”

“Well, if it means anything, I always took her side. I just never told you,” Jungkook laughs.

“Traitor.”

“I’m literally your most loyal friend.”

It’s a statement that Jimin can’t counter. Jungkook is his most loyal friend. And the most supportive. And the most dependable. And definitely the one who’s never left his side. 

When Jimin casually told their group that he likes girls and boys, Jungkook was the only one who didn’t need time to “warm up to the idea.” Jungkook was also the only one who never disappeared whenever he had a girlfriend. He was also the one who never missed a single one of Jimin’s dance showcases in college and professional shows. 

And of course, Jungkook was the one friend who took up his offer to drink that Friday afternoon, resulting in that infamous gutter incident - as you like to call it - and his subsequent unemployment and homelessness. While you, his beloved sister, were there to pick up the pieces, so was Jungkook, the way he promised he would after they became friends at 10 years old. 

Those months when Jimin was heartbroken and unsure of what he was going to do with his life, his best friend was there to make sure that he wasn’t going to lose his drive and love for dancing. His best friend is also the one constantly cheering him up about this long-distance relationship that he decided to have with Taehyung while others continue to be a skeptic.

Jungkook is that friend, and Jimin supposes he can forgive the other man every time he sides with you.

Jimin is about to complain again when you put the phone down and make one of your restrained cries. He pities you, but it doesn’t change the fact that he wishes you wouldn’t be doing your work stuff while you’re on a trip of what’s supposed to be a mini-break.

“I don’t get why you don’t pick up after the first ring,” he huffs. 

“It’s so Mr. Soo knows that I’m not easily available,” you say. 

“But you are. You answer it anyway,” Jimin rolls his eyes.

“Exactly, I’m gonna answer it anyway. Might as well make him wait for it because he needs me,” you point out. “It’s bad enough that he’s calling while I’m taking the leave he approved, so I’m just pissing him off. He doesn’t know I changed the prompt to leave me a voice message to an annoying song so he’ll have to sit through it to get to me. I already know it’s getting on his nerves.”

“Ooh, petty. I like that,” Jimin hums. 

“I know. I got that from you,” you proudly smile.

“But why are you even working?” He whines, your brother’s tone more of pity than annoyance. “It totally defeats the purpose of a leave. And you shouldn’t be indulging him!”

“Well, Mr. Soo approved this leave thinking that Chul would help him craft this report, which is based on the project that I proposed, only to realize that he doesn’t know shit about it because I wrote everything, and he just took the credit,” you explain. “I don’t want to be doing this, too, but I also just took the chance to show who’s driving the wheel, and it’s definitely me. Plus, I worked hard for that project. Working on the report at least gives me a chance to give myself credit for it.”

“Hmm, I guess you’re right,” Jimin concedes. “Your voice is just so loud.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to match his tone,” you say. “But he’ll be in a meeting for the next hour or so and he probably won’t need me again until then. You can turn the music back on.”

“Ugh, thank god,” Jimin groans again. “I missed my favorite song.”

He leans forward and squeezes himself in the small space between you and Jungkook. The proximity causes Jimin to smack his elbow on your face, which you know is intended, considering how much of a brat he is. So you do what you always do - flick the back of his head. 

He yells but gets over it once he manages to press the rewind button and plays the song he’s been wanting to hear. You haven’t been paying attention throughout the drive and hadn’t even known what they were listening to, but once the music comes on, a wave of nostalgia hits you.

You take the CD case you see in the compartment and scan the song list.

“Dashboard Confessional?” You read out. “Mayday Parade? Something Corporate?”

You go through 2 other CDs and look at both men questioningly. 

“These are literally plucked out of my high school playlist that I illegally downloaded,” you state, given that music streaming sites weren’t a thing over a decade ago. “Why do you have them in CDs? And did you even know these songs back then?”

“Yes, because we listened to your playlist when you weren’t around,” Jimin confesses, earning him a flick on the arm. 

“You went through my computer? You were in my room?!” You yell.

“Don’t be dramatic,” Jimin rolls his eyes. “It was a boring room, there was nothing to see. We just wanted your music because they were cool, but I’d never admit it.”

“I’m sure,” you shake your head. “But it was my ex, remember? He was a new kid from the US and he got me into these emo rock bands and I thought they were cool, too. He downloaded them illegally for me and I just jammed to those songs all the time even after we broke up.”

“We know. Jungkook and I could hear it from my bedroom,” Jimin says, “which is why we used to sneak in and listen when you weren’t around.”

“Is that why you put them in a mixtape? So you could listen to them whenever you wanted?” You ask, turning to Jungkook because between the both of them, he’s definitely the one who’d know how to do this.

“Yeah, Kook. Why did you make these mixtapes when neither of us had a portable CD player… but my sister did?” Jimin presses, cocked eyebrow and smug face on display.

You’re looking at him now, and it’s a curious look that Jungkook can’t resist.

“I just thought to put your most played ones in CDs,” he shyly admits, “and uh, planned on giving them to you before you left for college. But I chickened out so I just left them in a box in my room that I brought to Seoul. I’d forgotten all about it until Jimin raided my studio and found them.”

“You… you made me mixtapes? When you were 15?” You ask.

“___, I think I’ve established enough that I had a huge crush on you when I was a teenager,” he turns to you and laughs. 

It’s a little embarrassing even if he’s already dating you. It still feels surreal sometimes, as he thinks of his growing up years and how he always looked forward to sleeping over at Jimin’s place and then catching glimpses of you. There were the times when you’d watch movies with them in the living room, and then he’d help you clean up in the kitchen so he could spend more time with you.

That was over 10 years ago and so much has changed, but the admiration he felt for you never dwindled. There was always that image of you looking happy. He kept that version of you in his mind, even when you had your boyfriends. He just wanted to remember your smile, and now he gets to be the reason for it, like now.

“It’s just… it’s very sweet and thoughtful,” you say softly. 

“I… Well… I took interest in the things you liked. I guess that happens when you like someone.”

“Told you he’s a romantic,” Jimin nudges you. 

Between the fairy tattoo he designed and did on your shoulder, the dinner and picnic dates he takes you to despite both your busy schedules, and the way he holds you so close to him whenever and wherever he can, you can definitely say that Jungkook is a romantic.

It’s only been three months but it feels as if you’ve been dating him for longer, given the overflow of affection he’s been giving you. It’s in the way he always holds your hand and kisses you so passionately. It’s in his encouraging words and the way he spoils you with the littlest things. 

It’s refreshing to be with him. He has boyish charms that have become even sexier with his slightly long hair and the lip ring that he recently got. And whatever he’s wearing, there’s just something so comfortably sexy about him that’s both warm and exciting, and you often find yourself swarmed in butterflies whenever he talks about you.

It’s only been three months but it’s a relationship you’re still slowly being open about. Your friends were definitely surprised. Hoseok fell off the couch with all his body movements; Jin spat out his drink; Yoongi gasped, then followed it up with a teasing smirk; So-Hee and Na-eun gushed over how Jungkook treats you, and took the chance to say how he’s gotten more handsome over the years. 

You asked them if it was that shocking for you to be dating someone younger - and your brother’s best friend at that - and while they said it was a bit unexpected, what really got them was how different Jungkook is from your exes. He’s not some corporate man with ambitions, they pointed out. His life is less structured, too, given his freelancing career and gig at the tattoo parlor. He’s definitely a lot more laid-back and more casual than they’re used to. 

They were short of remarking that Jungkook’s lifestyle isn’t as stable and secure as what you normally go for, and they wouldn’t be wrong. It’s a thought you’ve had before, and something even he brought up because he didn’t want you thinking that he can’t keep up with you. But you’d been the one to point out to your friends that stability can come in different forms. With how Jungkook has been so dependable and assuring, that’s given you more security than you ever thought. 

But it’s not something that’s easy to explain. Maybe your friends could understand. They’ve made careers in different industries, after all, with short term jobs forming part of their resume. But your parents are of a different generation and mindset. Stability for them means one thing, and they raised you to want the same thing in the same way. 

Which is why it’s already been three months, and you still haven’t told them about you and Jungkook. 

“I started young,” he laughs, pulling you out of your thoughts as he takes your hand and interlocks his fingers with yours. “I used to just choose my moments of romance but with you, I’m romantic all the time.”

“Really? Does being a flirt count as being romantic?” You cock an eyebrow.

Because that’s what he is. He likes to tease and call you out when he affects you. He likes to charm and then edge you until you’re pleading for him to do more. 

“Definitely! I mean, I’m out here living my teenage dream, you know?” He winks at you. “Not just anyone gets to say that they’re dating the person they had a crush on when they were 13.”

“Oh god, here we go again,” Jimin groans, earning him a laugh from you and Jungkook.

But even if your brother fake-gags at your not-so private displays of affection, you know deep down that he’s happy for you and his best friend. The two most important people in his life found comfort in each other, and he gets to witness and bask in that. 

He also gets to brag that it all happened because of him. 

You spend the next hour jamming to all your favorite emo rock songs because Jungkook wasn’t kidding - he really did include all of the ones you had on repeat from your playlist. It takes you back to over 10 years ago of playing the music so loud while you’re in your pajamas, jumping on your bed and singing your lungs out. They don’t really remind you of your ex-boyfriend. That was a short-lived relationship that only really had you appreciating the songs he shared and not much more. 

Your boss doesn’t reach out to you until a half hour later. He’s taken to sending you messages instead, and when he does, you’re back to typing away on your laptop, to the displeasure of both men. 

They don’t call you out this time and instead leave you be. Until, of course, it hinders you from enjoying yourself.

The car has stopped but you’re still on your laptop, double checking figures. Jimin has stepped out after telling you that he’ll throw your laptop in the ocean if you don’t stop, but Jungkook stays with you inside the car. He bops his head and hums to the music that neither of you could barely hear. He picks on his fingers and yelps at the hangnail he pulls out. He opens the window and shoos away a bug, then hangs out his head to feel the late morning sun.

“Kook, you can go out if you’re bored,” you say, your eyes still glued to your screen. “You don’t have to stay with me here.”

“But I want to,” he responds. “I’m not leaving until you do, not when you said we’re spending the week free from work and stress.”

“I just need to get this done,” you sigh, rechecking your stats for the third time and then aligning the table. “I’ll be finished soon.”

“You said that 15 minutes ago,” he points out, not wanting to sound like he’s complaining, although he might as well be. 

“It’s just—”

“You’ve done your part, babe. You’ve encoded the figures and cross-checked the targets and objectives. Writing the rest of that report and formatting it isn’t your job anymore,” Jungkook says. “You weren’t even supposed to do those. You’re not on the clock. You’re on leave, and you deserve this break.”

“I hate that I have to work, too, but it’s not something I just can’t do, not when my boss is calling and expecting me to do all this,” you groan. 

You see his eyebrows furrow and you get defensive. 

“You know what, nevermind. You work solo, you answer to no one, you don’t have to prove yourself to corporate assholes. You won’t get it.”

You sigh once more and return to reviewing the conclusion, but the sudden silence is unnerving. You glance at Jungkook and see the look on his face - it’s not sadness but disappointment, and it’s one you don’t see very often on him.

You’re about to apologize when he speaks, his voice soft and low, as if speaking is difficult for him.

“I work with so many clients on a daily basis, with more than half of them setting deadlines that they don’t even follow and demanding so many things so yes, I get it,” he says. “But I put my foot down when I need to, because I learned a long time ago that I shouldn’t let people walk all over me. I know you’re up against a lot of things and you may feel like your hands are tied but they aren’t. A break won’t hurt you. And you know you deserve it. We deserve your attention, too.”

Your heart cracks at his words. Even more at the way he looks, as you see that all he wants is to spend time with you. He’s been busy, too. He’s spent the last few nights at his studio, buried deep in his projects because he said he wanted to focus on you this week. And you know that he’ll keep his word like he always does. Jungkook is dedicated to his work but he focuses on you when he says he will. You’re the one not loyal to what you say.

“Kook, I’m—”

“Just do what you have to do,” he interjects, his eyes downcast now. “I’ll be outside with Jimin. Come out when you’re done. You like it here, so don’t worry. We won’t leave until you’ve come down.”

Jungkook exits the car before you can say anything. You watch him walk down the stony path towards the ocean.

You hadn’t even realized you’re here. 

You’re at Cheongsapo, with the pebble beach just meters away being one you all went to as kids. Jungkook’s older brother used to drive you here during summer, and you all enjoyed the calmness of the place. You used to bet on who would treat ice cream by playing rounds of stone skipping, with Jimin winning every single time. You remember how you and Jungkook taught each other how to do it, and then tag-teamed against your brother so he could finally treat you both that one time. 

Whenever you’d visit Busan during your college breaks, you’d always come down here with your friends, with Jungkook and Jimin in tow. You’d visit at sunset and hold out your sparklers, then navigate the terrain at night and laugh about who tripped and slipped on the way back. 

Jungkook’s right. You like this place. It holds so many memories of your youth, and you find yourself constantly reminiscing, as you try to recall his place in your life back then. 

You mentally smack yourself. He didn’t deserve your dismissal. He didn’t deserve the way you spoke to him. He’s been trying to help, especially with how busy you’ve been these past several weeks. You were supposed to work from home while you housesat your parents’ house but Jimin convinced you to take your untouched leaves when Jungkook decided to come, and then they both called it a mini-break.

And maybe you need it, considering that all this preoccupation with work has caused you to snap at your boyfriend when all he wanted to do was ease your mind.

So you get out of the car and head to him. 

There’s a small forest to pass through and a steep staircase to maneuver, but you manage. You look out to see Jimin already throwing stones and Jungkook standing by, reacting to every gliding pebble on the water. You spare a few seconds to admire him from the back, with his plain white shirt and light gray lounge pants, accentuating a figure that has you weak in the knees. His hands are in his pockets and his slightly long locks are in a half-bun, and he looks every bit of comfort in this place that holds so much of your years growing up.

You walk to where he is and wrap your arms around him from behind. He stills but he doesn’t say anything. You savor his natural scent and the way the tips of his hair tickle your face. You bask in the taut figure that somehow softens under your touch. Once you feel him relax a little, you tilt your head and whisper in his ear. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

He remains quiet and unmoving. All you can hear are the sounds of the waves and Jimin’s cheering from some meters away.

“I just got caught up with work but I’m done with it. It wasn’t right of me to neglect you when I promised I was gonna take a break and spend time with you,” you continue.

Your voice is low and Jungkook could hear your pout. Just a little bit more and he’ll give in.

“You look so hot today and I just want to—”

“Yah!” He whines, finally returning your affection and caressing your arms that are now wrapped around him tightly. “Don’t tease me.”

“Hmm, that caught your attention, huh?” You giggle, lightly kissing his neck.

He shivers at the act, and he laughs at himself for how whipped he is for you, giving in so quickly.

“You know it would,” he huffs, turning around to face you now.

You still have that pout and he just wants to kiss it off you.

“How was walking down the steep staircase?” He asks, knowing that was your only non-favorite thing about this place. 

“I tripped on a step but I’m fine,” you proudly smile now. 

“You should’ve called me,” he frowns now. 

“But you were upset with me!”

“So? Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help you down the stairs and risk you tripping. You know how those steps are. And the pebbles can sometimes be slippery. You can trip here, too, and— what?”

“Nothing. You’re sexy when you’re worried about me,” you say nonchalantly.

“Ugh, come here,” he groans, pulling you in a hug, one that you fall into immediately. “I’ll always worry about you. And I’ll always help you, even if I’m upset.”

“I know,” you sigh. “I’m sorry again. But I’ve laid off the report now. I told Mr. Soo I shall not be disturbed anymore for the rest of my leave.”

“Good,” Jungkook hums, pulling away to face you now. “Because I really want to know what you wanted to do.”

“Ah, many things, Jeon Jungkook,” you smirk. “But I’ll maybe settle for this first.”

You lean in and kiss him - deep enough to have him moan against your lips, and you suddenly can’t wait until you can do more.

“Oh, my eyes!” Jimin squeals, prompting you to look at him with his arm covering his face.

Jungkook only laughs but you scowl at your brother.

“You’re so dramatic,” you roll your eyes. “You’ve seen worse.”

“And I’ve erased that image of my sister and my best friend swallowing each other’s faces from my mind. Please don’t remind me again,” he groans. “But anyway, are you tolerable again?”

“Yes,” you frown. “I think,” you mutter, turning to Jungkook.

“You’re alright,” he teases, before he wraps his arm around you and pulls you close. “Now Jimin here wants to reassert his dominance as the stone-skipping king. You game for a match?”

“Do I have a choice?” You cock your eyebrow.

“No. So okay, same rules,” your brother announces. “Loser treats everyone to coffee and pastry. We all know it won’t be me.”

“Brat,” you say under your breath. 

But he’s not wrong. He dominates and Jungkook ends up losing. The wink he makes tells you he let you win. And though you like to play fair, you won’t lie and say his teasing smirk definitely turned you on.

You spend the rest of your morning enjoying iced coffee while overlooking the beach, then you head to your favorite seafood restaurant for lunch. You go to your usual market for ingredients for the week, including tonight’s dinner that your mother will be preparing. She wanted to cook for all of you before they flew out, she said, and that got you excited. 

It’s refreshing to walk through the streets and spots of your childhood and reminisce with your brother and boyfriend. The memories take on different forms this time, as Jungkook tells you things from his perspective. 

You remember that one time you scolded them for sneaking out on a school night and then picking them up at an alley with Jin driving you. Jungkook says he liked how caring and understanding you were then; you said you’d cover for them after flicking their foreheads. 

There’s that summer when you got your friends to buy from Jimin and Jungkook’s ice pop stand so they could buy these skateboards that neither of your parents wanted to get for them. Jungkook recalls how you complimented his recipe and told everyone he made them so that they’d praise him, too. 

There’s that winter when, after your brother’s begging, you had him and Jungkook join you and your friends’ bonfire night at one of your secret beach spots. Jungkook points out that you always made sure that as the youngest ones there, they were warm and well-fed. 

And then there were their sleepovers when you’d join them play video games and watch horror movies in the living room. Jungkook gushes at how pretty you looked and how you’d always prepare them popcorn and drinks. He outs you as the one who puts the blanket over him and Jimin when they fall asleep on the couch. 

“I tend to forget a lot of things but I remember when they’re about you,” he mumbles as he starts the drive to your house. “It’s just always stuck with me. Please don’t be weirded out.”

You giggle but assure him that you aren’t. You understand him - there are things and people and moments that naturally stick with you, and they’re the ones you hold dear, too. 

He was a kid with a crush and his attention was often on you, and you suppose that given how you’d felt comfortable around him then, it was also maybe natural that you’d feel the same way now that you’re both older. It just so happened that he ended up looking as attractive as he did, and that’s just an added bonus. 

Jungkook drops you and Jimin home before he drives three blocks away to his parents’ house. He’ll greet them first before heading to your place, he says, excited for your mom’s cooking that he always enjoyed. 

It’s been some time since you last saw them. They don’t always drive out to Seoul, only doing so to watch Jimin’s shows, and you haven’t had time to go home, either. Plus, you had an injured brother to take care of, and he’s also really the topic of every conversation you’ve had with them these past months. 

And there are no bad feelings there. He’s had injuries and illnesses that had them worried, and you’re pretty much as unproblematic and predictable as any eldest child could get. You think you’re that monotonous or unexciting, too, and you suppose that just meant they didn’t feel the need to check on you as much as they did with Jimin.

But you express your longing once they offer you their hugs. You say how you miss your mom’s cooking and your dad’s baking, which is code for saying that you’ve missed them, too. 

You get your stuff to your room and sigh in relief at the comfort it still gives you. Not much has changed between your double bed, your desk, your beanbag, and the large cork board of photos on your wall. You pin the Polaroids from earlier, deciding to keep the ones of you and Jungkook for your place back in Seoul. 

You huff this time, unsure how you’ll open the discussion of you dating your younger brother’s best friend to your parents. They’ve known him since he was a kid; they watched him get into all kinds of trouble with their son, and were there for his milestones, too. 

Jungkook was always Jimin’s partner-in-crime; they were two peas in a pod who went through everything together. Now it’s you and him and you don’t really know how they’ll take it. 

But you brush it off for now and think it’s a conversation for later, or maybe when they come back from their trip. You intended on telling them in person, which is why they’re still in the dark. It’s just a matter of how you’ll say it.

You head downstairs and take in the scent of seafood soft tofu stew. The two boys are already at the kitchen counter, munching on the rolled omelet that they shouldn’t even be having yet. But your mom lets them, as Jimin talks about his new agency and shows videos of him doing some choreographies.

You stand next to Jungkook, who sneakily feeds you. You don’t know why you get flustered at the act, even more when he whispers in your ear. 

“So, I finally get to see your room with your permission,” he cheekily smiles. “I promised Jimin a few rounds of Overwatch before going to you.”

You merely laugh and tell him that your dad’s asking him something.

“So, Jungkook. How has work been? Jimin tells us you’ve been getting more projects recently,” your old man asks. 

“Ah, yes, uncle,” he responds. “I’m getting more clients and exposure now. It took a while but it’s all going well.”

“That’s good. Although I always wondered why you never thought of joining a firm. Doesn’t that mean a more consistent client base? And better for you financially, too.”

“Well, I get to choose my clients and my projects as a freelancer,” Jungkook explains. “I control my time. And it allows me to take appointments at the tattoo parlor.”

“Oh, right, your hobby,” your dad nods. “I guess having multiple sources of income is the new trend these days.”

Jungkook just hums in agreement, already used to your dad’s frame of thought when it comes to a career. So are you, because it’s often the first thing he picks up on with your boyfriends. Each of your partners just happened to be working in corporate so there was never this line of questioning followed by an awkward silence. 

But Jungkook is just your brother’s best friend, as far as they know. You wonder how they’d react once you finally tell them the truth.

You don’t completely fault your dad, though. It’s less about judgment and more about practicality. He and your mom came from the generation that believed survival and security mattered more than passion. They always thought the latter could come later on in life, which is why they opened their own cafe not long ago, at a time when they were already pretty secure. You suppose it’s his way of looking out for you, which is why he’s always been concerned about your partner’s occupation.

The conversation changes, as the focus now turns to your parents and what they’ve been up to. You assist your mom in the kitchen while the men hang around, helping when they’re called upon. Jungkook stands near you, asking if you need him and attempting to feed you with a dumpling this time, but you manage to feed yourself and he merely looks at you in understanding.

Dinner is finally ready and you all head to the dining table. You take the seat next to your mom, across from Jungkook, and he looks at you curiously but you offer him an apologetic smile. You only told him that you’ll tell your parents about your relationship in person, which you planned on doing. 

That is, until your parents bring up your friends.

“Sweetie, Jin’s son is so adorable,” your mom chirps. “I saw the pictures on Facebook and the little one took after his father so much. I can imagine how happy he and his wife are.”

The topic of your dear friend and his family injects energy into you. You say how Jin’s been bragging about his mini-me but that the nursery you helped put together looks so beautiful. You were all there when his wife gave birth a few weeks ago and though you’re still unsure about having kids, you won’t deny how much it warmed your heart when Seo-yoon’s tiny fingers wrapped around your thumb. It’s not something you say though, as your mom eventually mentions Na-eun and her fiancé. 

“I read that he’s been promoted as Director of their company,” she says. 

Your dad pipes in that So-Hee’s new boyfriend is apparently the son of one of his former colleagues, and you’re quite frankly over the conversations about your friends’ partners. The insinuations aren’t lost on you.

“How do you even know these things?” You groan.

“Facebook,” your mom replies. “Of course I’m friends with all your friends. And it’s nice to know how well they’re doing since we don’t get to see them much anymore. You’ve reached that age of settling down, after all.”

“I guess,” you hum, no longer interested in the conversation. Jimin’s roll of his eyes tells you he feels the same. “Lots of good things are happening for them.”

You don’t mean to sound bitter and you aren’t. You adore your friends and genuinely love that things are looking out for them. You’re not the same person from months ago who felt lost and falling behind amongst them. Sure, things could be better career-wise, but you haven’t felt this much security in yourself and your relationship until Jungkook. Explaining why is a different thing altogether.

“What about you?” Your dad asks. “I know we’ve been calling every week to ask about your brother but we haven’t been checking in on you. I’m sorry, dear,” he continues, his eyes softening. “Is there anything new in your life?”

If the earlier conversations hadn’t happened, perhaps you’d willingly hint on the newest thing in your life, which is the relationship you have with the man currently looking at you with his doe-eyes in anticipation. 

But they did, and you know mentioning your friends’ partners was their way of subtly pressuring you about being with someone of similar stature. And you’re not really in the mood for that right now. 

So you end up doing the stupidest thing you possibly could, and that’s to lie. 

“Not really,” you say, hating the prolonged silence that follows. 

And as you look at Jungkook across from you, you see his face fall, and you hate even more that it’s because of you. 

Your lack of a follow-up prompts your parents to move on. They know that when you’re in the mood to talk, you will and when you’re quite passive, it means you aren’t. 

Your mom turns to Jungkook instead and asks him what else he’s up to other than his various jobs and looking after Jimin. He looks at you before his gaze shifts towards them.

“Not much else, auntie,” he replies. 

The crack of your heart knows you completely messed up, because if it stings like this, then you know it hurt him even more.

“Oh, is there no one special in your life?” She asks, as she often does. Given that she treats Jungkook as part of the family, she’s lost all filter when it comes to him, too. “I recently met with my friend and her daughter. She’s such a lovely young woman, Kook, she’s brilliant and oh so charming. She’s in Busan for the week, too. Do you want to—”

“Is it time for dessert?” Jimin butts in, not wanting this conversation to continue. 

He knows Jungkook wouldn’t know how to turn your mother down, and if he even slightly entertains the idea to appease her, you’d be the one upset, even if you technically put this upon yourself. Jimin already sees you a bit uncomfortable, and if there’s anything he can do to not make this worse for you and his best friend, it’s to be a brat. 

“Oh, yes. Your father made an apple pie and some ice cream,” she says. “Let me—”

“I’ll get it,” you offer, standing up from your seat now.

You don’t want to know what your mom’s other propositions would be. You’re sure she’ll find some person’s son to match you with, given that she’s done that a few times after your breakup with Namjoon. You’re also not ready for Jungkook to agree with her about meeting someone, even if you know he won’t mean it.

Which is really stupid because if you’d just told them the truth, then you’ll be having a completely different conversation, although you’re unsure if you’re ready for that one, too. But at least Jungkook wouldn’t look as upset as he does right now, as he’s resorted to picking on his food instead of finishing it, which tells you that he’s lost his appetite and that’s never a good thing. 

You go to the kitchen to slice the pie and scoop the ice cream. You do it so slowly to lengthen the time before you’re back there, only because you don’t want to know what else they’re talking about. 

You’re in the middle of cursing yourself when you feel the sting of a tiny pinch on your arm, and you yelp in pain and smack your brother’s chest in reflex.

“Ow!” You yell, frowning at the man before you and ignoring your mother’s order to “behave,” even if they’re used to you two quarreling. 

“You deserve that,” Jimin scowls at you. “Because what the fuck was that?!”

“I know,” you sigh, glancing at Jungkook who’s trying his best to be interested in what your parents are saying. “I… froze. You know what they wanted to hear, Chim. All those things about my friends’ boyfriends and what they do? I just didn’t want them to compare them to what Jungkook does if I tell them.”

“Why, what’s wrong with what he does?” Your brother raises an eyebrow.

“Nothing. It’s just… you know how focused they are on career stability and shit like that,” you try to explain. “You heard what dad was telling him earlier. I just didn’t want Jungkook to hear any underhanded comments from them and then feel bad about it.”

“And you think denying that you’re dating is any better?” He chides. “That’s literally worse!”

“I—”

“Jungkook knows how our parents are. And after you got together, he already anticipated that they’d question how he’ll be able to sustain your life together once you told them about your relationship,” Jimin explains. “He was ready for it. I doubt he anticipated this…”

You stand there, the crack in your heart getting deeper and bigger as the seconds pass. You hadn’t realized that Jungkook was already confiding in Jimin about any concerns he’d have about facing your parents. You suppose he would, given that you said you’d tell them when you saw them the one time that Jungkook asked if they knew, and you didn’t raise it again after. Living in your bubble together seemed more important, and you’d forgotten to mentally prepare yourself for this conversation.

“Chim, I fucked up,” you pout. 

If it were about anything else, Jimin would push it. It’s how you always were, and you’ve reached that point  in your relationship where you could call each other out and know it comes from a good place. But he doesn’t want to do this today, not when you’re already sad and guilty and he doesn’t want you to feel worse. He doesn’t want to take sides, even if he’ll admit that you were in the wrong, but he doesn’t want to antagonize you either.

“Hey,” he nudges your arm. “It’s not the end of the world. You’re both gonna figure it out. I don’t know how hard he’ll take this but he’s a really soft-hearted person, so just… keep that in mind, okay?”

You nod, wanting to believe that you’ll be able to fix it. 

“And don’t hate yourself too much,” your brother adds. “He’s really, really into you. I just know he won’t be able to resist you.”

You nod again but you think that just makes it worse. You doubt he expected that out of all the people to disappoint him, it would be you. Yet here you are. 

You and Jimin return to the table with the plated desserts. You hand one to Jungkook but he doesn’t acknowledge you. He doesn’t meet your eyes either when it’s all you try to do. He peacefully eats his apple pie while you feign interest at your parents talking about their recent weekend at a spa. 

When everyone’s done, he helps Jimin clean up. It’s how you know that Jungkook’s considered part of the family, as your parents don’t stop him from doing so, unlike when it comes to other guests or your friends. 

You watch helplessly as he washes the dishes, turning down your offer to help. You take the rest of the plates and walk towards him instead, standing close so you could place them in the sink. He just moves his arms to give you space then returns to his task, not sparing you a glance. 

You stay with your parents in the dining area to talk about their trip. They leave you with important documents and give you instructions should anything bad happen to them while they’re away, as they always do whenever they go on a trip. Everything is your responsibility as the eldest, they remind you. 

They finally go to their room to continue packing and you sit on the corner of the couch where Jimin and Jungkook have just finished watching some video of a guy reacting to other videos. You constantly glance at your boyfriend but he seems to be intent on not giving you attention because he’s not like this - he always wants to be close to you, needing his hand to be touching your arm or your thigh or even your hair, and his pretty eyes locked on you. But not tonight.

You recall how months ago, you avoided him because of what you started to feel. And perhaps this is how he felt then - helpless, unsure, and desperate for you to be next to him again. 

You find the tiniest bit of courage and call out his name, hoping he’d at least turn to you this time. 

“Kook, I’m—”

“Hey, we should probably play now so we finish early,” Jungkook nudges Jimin’s knee. “It’s been a long day; I don’t really want to stay up late.”

Your brother looks at you in apology as he responds to the man on his left in agreement. They both head up, leaving you rooted in your seat, wishing that Jungkook would turn around to tell you that he doesn’t mean creating this distance, but he doesn’t. 

And you wouldn’t blame him. You’d stay away from you, too.

You end up watching Aliens on your own, crouched on your corner of the couch with the large blanket over you. You give up after an hour, once the movie starts getting intense and scary though. There’s no Jungkook to hold you during the jumpscares, or to tease you about your screaming, or to assure you that he’ll protect you from all types of monsters. 

There’s no Jungkook next to you but you want him there, and it’s another half hour later when you decide that you’re not going to bed without speaking to him. 

You hate sleeping sad and upset. You don’t like ending the day not being on good terms with him. There are so many things you want to tell him but more than anything, you just want to hold him close. He always said he liked that, because even during the times when there’s so much to say or feel, falling into each other’s arms is the easiest thing to do. It says enough. It shows enough. And you’ve both survived misunderstandings and stressful moments by holding each other, and then holding each other closer.

Walking up the stairs and towards Jimin’s room, the nerves kick in. Jungkook has been ignoring you the whole evening and you’re unsure if he’s willing to hear you out. 

But you try, as you knock on the door, your heart beating fast when it slowly opens. Your brother’s downcast eyes meet you and you don’t need to say anything else. 

He opens the door wider then turns to the man lying on a mattress on the floor.

“Kook, my sister’s looking for you.”

You glance at him, dressed in that black tank top that always made you breathless, but once again, he avoids your gaze. But he does stand up after a nudge on the foot from your brother and walks over to you.

“Can we, uh…” you gesture towards the room just across the hallway.

He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t shut you out, which is a good thing. You take it as your cue to start walking and you hear his footsteps right behind you. 

You let him in then close the door behind him. There’s so much you want to say, like you’re sorry and that you were stupid, that you didn’t mean to deny him but that you didn’t know how to tell your parents, or what you were even nervous about. You want to say that you just want to spend tonight wrapped up in his arms and apologizing in all the ways that you can.

But instead of uttering the words, your throat dries up. Seeing him standing there with that upset and disinterested look on his face breaks you a little. So you reach out, your hands pressing gently on his chest to try to feel him, to be close to him, hopefully to hold him and make your mistake go away. 

“Kook, I…” you tremble, trying so hard to find the words.

Jungkook looks back at you, your face nervous and unsure, unlike his that’s probably still painted with disappointment. 

He still doesn’t know what to make of your denial. He’s been trying to see things from your point of view all evening, but doing so only in his head because verbalizing them, especially to his best friend, makes it sting a bit more. Maybe Jimin can explain on your behalf but that would just confirm to Jungkook one of two things - that you don’t really intend on telling your parents about both of you for whatever reason he can’t comprehend, or you don’t think he measures up to their expectations and for that, you might just think he’s not good enough for you. 

He doesn’t think he’s ready for that, so he shuts Jimin down when he asks. They watched videos earlier to have something to laugh about but he was faking it. He suggested playing a game just so he wouldn’t respond to you calling him earlier but all they’ve done since going to the room is lie in silence. 

Jungkook doesn’t want to talk about it with his best friend. And he certainly doesn’t want to talk about it with you. He doesn’t want an explanation right now. It’s not what he wants to hear. 

And it seems as if it’s something you’re even struggling to give him, as you stand there quivering, your hands slowly trying to pull him closer to you. 

It’s what you usually do when you can’t find the words to express something - when you’re stressed and frustrated, when you want to patch things up after a small misunderstanding, when you want his comfort. And he always loved it when you did. He always willingly gave you that hug and that kiss and those whispers of “it’s okay” and “we’re okay” and “I’m just here.” 

But not tonight, not when there’s this unnamed thing that’s eating him inside, and not even you can fix it. 

“I don’t… I don’t really wanna do this right now,” he mutters, taking your hands to slowly slide them off him. 

The look of hurt in your eyes is one that’ll probably haunt him for a while, but he’ll learn to deal with that. It’s better than talking with you about something that you don’t even know how to express. 

This isn’t like him. It’s not like him to be upset at you like this, to not want to comfort you, to not want to be around you. This messes him up, too, and all he can do is step away and walk out.

He doesn’t really wanna be here, he thinks to himself as he enters the room just across, to the surprise of Jimin who half expected both of you to have made up. Jungkook would go home if he only brought his keys and it wasn’t too late to ask his parents to open the door for him.

But his best friend’s floor mattress will do for now. And so Jungkook puts on his earpods and plays whatever music is loud enough to shut out the thought of you until he falls asleep. 

In the other room, you lay in your bed in complete silence. You don’t want to cry, only because he’s not there to wipe your tears away. And you don’t ever want to know what that’s like, so you don’t. You keep the tears at bay and force yourself to drift away. 

You jerk awake the next morning to your mother knocking on your door. You promised to do errands with her today, so you get off the bed and yell out that you’ll just fix up.

“No rush, dear. I’m still having breakfast with your father. You can join us when you’re ready.”

You head down and eat the pastries that they brought from the cafe. You don’t have much appetite and these will suffice, but your mind goes to Jungkook and how he was craving kimchi fried rice and spam yesterday. 

So that’s what you make for him and Jimin. You even prepare iced coffee the way they like it. You’re about to set the dish aside for them to heat up when you hear rushed footsteps down the stairs and you know they’ve woken up.

“Wahhh, it smells so good,” Jimin exclaims as he walks over to the counter while his best friend sits on the table. “Did you make something, dad?”

“Oh, your sister cooked for you and Jungkook,” your father hums. “It’s making me hungry now.”

“There’s still some in here if you want,” you call out, with him responding that he’ll get some later.

You serve the dish in two bowls. You hand one to Jimin and then place the other in front of Jungkook without sparing him a glance. 

“Iced coffee is in the refrigerator,” you tell them. 

You hear Jimin’s little squeal before he gets them. “Where you off to?” He asks.

“I’m running errands with mom.”

“Make sure you two make it in time for dinner, okay?” Your father says.

“Of course. I can’t miss your steak, dad,” you give him a small smile. 

“Good. I prepared meat good enough for five Actually, six. I count Jungkook as two people,” he laughs. 

The thought of this comfort and familiarity hurts you because you’re the one who made Jungkook think otherwise. You see him smile at your father’s remark but you turn away when he looks your way. You know he’s still upset and you don’t want to force it if he’s not yet ready to speak with you. You also haven’t gotten over the way he pulled away from you last night, and so looking at him today is a little difficult.

“You’re still joining us at the party, right?” Jimin asks. 

Their friend, Hari, whom you know briefly dated Jungkook in high school, is celebrating her birthday tonight. Their group always looked to you as the cool sister so you’re always invited to whatever they’ve got going, and while the three of you talked about attending later, after what you did, you doubt Jungkook would want you to spoil his evening. You’re also not exactly in the partying mood for obvious reasons.

“I’ll pass, Chim,” you respond. “You guys should have a best friend night.”

You go back to your room to fix up before joining your mother to head out. 

Back in the dining room, Jimin nudges Jungkook’s knee.

“She’s still playing favorites,” he playfully rolls his eyes as he gestures to the generous amount of spam in his best friend’s bowl compared to his decent serving. 

Jungkook just hums, guilt forming that he didn’t even thank you for this because he really has been craving it. Before any of them could say anything more, your father speaks up.

“Your sister okay, son?”

“Uh, yeah? Why wouldn’t she be?” Jimin nervously answers.

“She just doesn’t seem like herself, that’s all,” your old man replies.

“Maybe it’s work. It’s been tough lately,” your brother reasons. 

“But she’s more tired and frustrated when it comes to work but that’s not what she is. Maybe it’s a guy.”

At this, Jungkook chokes on his food, and he’s glad your father doesn’t react.

“What makes you think so?” Jimin asks, his eyes flitting to his best friend.

“Hmm, it just seems different,” your father insists. “Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my end. She hasn’t introduced anyone since Namjoon. And I wish she would, just so we know she’s moved on, you know? And that the breakup isn’t still hurting her.”

“She has, and it doesn’t affect her anymore,” Jimin confirms, certain of at least that bit.

“Then why hasn’t she introduced anyone yet?”

“Maybe it’s because you really liked Namjoon, and he seems to be your standard so ___ is just probably just taking her time.”

“Well it’s because he’s smart and stable and very self-assured and—”

“Also very much married. And a soon-to-be father,” Jimin interjects, already being protective of you. 

He wonders now if this is how your parents talk about him to you, and that you’ve always just protected him from all of it.

“Oh,” your father sighs. “It could’ve been her.”

“But it isn’t and that’s totally fine,” Jimin exclaims. “She’s young and she’s got time. And who knows, maybe that’s not the life she wants, or at least not yet? If you could accept my version of happiness, you should be able to accept hers, too. And what does ‘stable’ even mean?”

“Someone with ambition, with a direction,” your old man explains. “Someone who’s secure and financially capable of sustaining this good life that your mom and I gave you both.”

“Those are all the things she is, too, you know?” Jimin frowns. “And also, I love you, dad, but you’re old. By that I mean your thinking is old. It’s outdated. You think stability is about prestige and money and I get that but… that’s not everything. There are other things that matter to her and if you lessened the pressure a bit, you’d see that. She’s your daughter, don’t you want her to be happy? To be loved?”

“Of course I do,” your father sighs. 

“Well then don’t let your version of what a good partner is dictate her life,” Jimin advises. “She’s a grown up, she knows what she wants and how to get it. But she’s also your daughter who doesn’t want to worry or disappoint you. What if she’s found someone who makes her happy and treats her right but she’s nervous of what you’d think because of all these expectations you have of her?”

Jimin’s eyes flit to his best friend again who’s quietly munching on his food but is clearly taking in this exchange. While Jimin still thinks you were wrong to deny your relationship, he at least hopes that Jungkook could understand what was going through your mind and it was all this. 

“Well if she has then I’d want to meet him,” your father insists. 

“And maybe you will, once she stops feeling the pressure of what she’s supposed to be for you and who she’s supposed to date,” Jimin explains. 

“I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, dad,” Jimin groans. “I lived with her for months and she just… she worries about a lot of things. It would be nice if she doesn’t worry about this. So please, stop with all the projections and underhanded remarks, okay? She sees right through you. Just let her live her life.”

A smile forms on your father’s face. It was never his intention to put all that pressure on you but he supposes you just accepted that it comes with the territory. But he realizes it shouldn’t be. His son’s right - he’s old. He and your mother worked hard so that you and your brother could have a life where you didn’t have to worry about anything, but he supposes the intention got muddled along the way. At least you and Jimin have each other.

“I know you and your sister don’t like to admit it but it’s really touching to see how similar you both are,” your father says.

“Excuse me, I’m cooler and funnier and definitely more talented,” Jimin pouts. 

“Maybe,” your old man laughs. “But she’s sat on that same chair, lecturing me and your mom about letting you live your life and now you’re doing the same. She’s your biggest advocate and your biggest protector. It’s just nice to see how you’re the same for her.”

Running errands with your mother has always been your responsibility, but it’s once you’ve hit your late-twenties mark that you’ve come to appreciate it. 

You learn a lot about the practical stuff like insurance and emergency funds and inheritance when you accompany her to the bank. You’re also reminded that sometimes you have to spend more to make things last when she drops off her clothes at the laundry service and picks up the bag and shoes she had professionally cleaned. You also remember the important things like buying flowers and leaving them on your grandparents’ graves. 

You’ve just left the shopping center after she bought your father an anniversary gift, and her excitement over the satchel and perfume she got him has you smiling. You wonder how differently she feels for him 30 years later, and if this life they have together is everything she imagined it to be.

“Was it hard at the beginning? Being married to dad?” You ask. 

“Of course, dear,” she answers. “Because it’s how marriages typically go. Your father and I were together for two years before we got married and it was a big change. You just… learn to consider another person, and you get used to someone always being around you.”

“It’s a good thing you can stand each other then,” you chuckle. 

“That’s true,” she laughs back. “You’d be surprised to know how many married couples can’t. But we just always managed. And we had to be on each other’s side, you know? It’s the reason why we’ve lasted as long as we have.”

She looks quite emotional as she says the words and it’s probably because of what they’ll be celebrating soon but she turns to you with a smile.

“Your father’s parents wanted me to become a housewife, a stay-at-home mom who just ran the household,” she continues. “But I wanted to work so I could help my parents, and your father stood by my decision. He saw how working gave him financial freedom and he wanted that for me, too. And we just… worked hard. We fought a lot at the start because we were building our careers and raising a family but we knew it would all be worth it, as long as we stood by each other.”

“Then I suppose that’s what’s important in a partner, isn’t it?” You say. “Being dependable, being supportive, not… not what kind of career they have.”

“Well, a stable career helps,” she points out. “I mean, it’s how your father and I got to afford sending you and your brother to good schools. It’s how we could afford trips as a family and how your father and I can be secure at this age without needing much help from our children.”

“But that’s also because you worked hard, plain and simple. And you and dad had each other and overcame whatever challenges you faced together. You can’t say the same for all married couples,” you push. 

“That’s true. I mean, it wasn’t like this during our parents’ time. I guess people had less options then. The world’s changed so much, hasn’t it?”

“It has,” you hum. “Not everyone cares much about their partner’s upward mobility and stuff like that. They want to savor the good life their parents gave them. And because they work hard, too, they just want someone to enjoy it with them. You know, like me.”

There’s a beat of silence as your mother processes your words. 

“Is that why it didn’t work out with Namjoon?” She asks, reminding you that you’d only given them a general reason as to why things ended.

“We spent too much time planning for our future that we kinda lost our way,” you explain. “I guess that’s when I realized that I wanted someone to enjoy the moments with, regardless of what they do for a living. And we’ll never know what life will throw our way and I need someone who’ll stand by me, the way I’ll stand by them. You know, cheesy things like that.”

You smile to yourself as you think about Jungkook and his shameless affection that he shows in so many ways. You enjoy the cheesiness but you’ll deny it first before admitting it. But then again, he probably knows already. He pays attention to you after all. 

“Well, I suppose that’s why we wanted to give you and your brother a good and secure life, so that you can enjoy it,” your mother hums.

“Exactly. You raised us well, mom. We’re not gonna throw our lives away, however we choose to live it, and with whom,” you assure her. 

She gives you a warm smile. She takes your hand at the stoplight and caresses it. Perhaps it’s the assurance you need, too.

You return home to your father preparing the meat for tonight’s dinner. There’s a platter of steak, vegetables, and sausages that he’s seasoning to grill, and you can imagine how happy this is gonna make Jungkook. He always liked it when your dad prepared dishes like this paired with your mom’s spicy chicken soup, and you wish you could enjoy it together. 

But you’re giving him space to feel what he feels and you’re doing the same, even if all you want to do is apologize. You haven’t had an issue quite like this, so things are a little unfamiliar to you. You tried to talk to him last night but he wasn’t ready, and you’re unsure when he will be. 

You head towards the counter and cut up the vegetables for the soup before slicing the fruits. You’re focused on your task, knowing how sharp the knives are, but it’s at the same time that your brother and Jungkook arrive. Seeing your boyfriend look as good as he does in that denim jacket-over tank top fit is so sinful; it’s a crime you’re not talking that it distracts you, and it’s what causes you to slice through your finger and yelp in pain.

“Did you hurt yourself, dear?” Your mom asks as she stirs the pot. 

“Yeah,” you say, placing your hand under running water.

You’re about to ask Jimin to get the First Aid kit from the drawer but Jungkook gets to it first, knowing where it is. 

He knows that your brother, who’s terrified of blood, won’t help you, and despite your situation, Jungkook can’t stand not helping. So he lathers an antiseptic once the bleeding has stopped, then he wraps a band-aid around it. Just like him, you focus your gaze on your finger. Or maybe you’re stuck on the way he tends to you. Or the fact that this is the most physical touch you’ve done this past day when you normally can’t take your hands off each other. 

He sighs to himself. If he wasn’t so hung up on his hurt feelings, he’d be able to tend to you better. This might not even have happened if he’d just spoken to you last night. 

But he shakes the thought away. He’s still upset. But he’ll always want to take care of you; that’s the one thing that won’t ever change.

“Thank you,” you mumble, still not meeting his eyes.

“I’ll do this,” he says, waiting for you to step aside before he takes your place. 

“Jungkook dear, do you mind helping me with the glazed potatoes after you finish that?” She asks.

“Sure thing, auntie,” he replies. 

You watch him work around the kitchen the way he’s done so many times before, and your heart stings at the sight because you want to be doing this with him, with your parents, in your family kitchen. But it’s not like you could talk to him right now, not when you don’t know how to say what you want to say. So you head outside to where your dad is grilling the meat and help him instead. 

It’s not long after when dinner is ready, and you’re seated across Jungkook again. It’s a little tense when you look at him when he looks away, but Jimin thankfully finds a way to keep the conversation light and focused on him.

Your parents insist that both men don’t need to help clean up, and Jimin asks you if you’re really not going.

“Yeah I’ll just… stay home, make sure mom and dad are packed well and just get everything in order for tomorrow,” you say, half lying. 

“Gee, you make me look like a useless child,” Jimin pouts.

“You’re alright,” you hum. “You can drive them to the airport tomorrow.”

“But mom asked Jungkook to do that.”

“Well then you could just… make them a card or something,” you shrug. 

Your brother sticks his tongue at you and you do the same. 

“Fine, we’ll head out,” he announces.

“You guys have fun,” you say softly, glancing at Jungkook before walking towards the sink to do your duty. 

You turn to your brother. “Call me if you need me to pick you up. No driving drunk, okay?”

He salutes you in response then heads out after Jungkook.

It’s uneventful after that. You help your parents with last minute packing then have a long shower. You lie on your bed and mindlessly watch some movie on your laptop hoping that you’ll fall asleep soon, and that when you wake up, you’ll find the strength to go to Jungkook and tell him that you’re sorry and that you don’t want to go another day without him. 

“Hey, Jungkook. Dance with me.”

Jungkook looks up to find Hari and gives the same answer he’s given the last two times.

“Sorry, I’m injured,” he says. 

She raises her eyebrow as if she doesn’t believe him and he can’t blame her; he doesn’t exactly know how to act like it.

“Oh, Jimin. There you are,” she chirps as the said man approaches the table. “Dance with me.”

“Sorry, I'm injured.”

“Great. It’s my birthday and I spot two hot guys in this party without girls around them and they’re fake injured,” she scowls. “What’s up with you two?”

“I’m not in the mood,” Jungkook shrugs.

“I’m babysitting,” Jimin says, gesturing at his friend. “But Mingyu and Eunwoo are right there. Go tell them to dance with you.”

“Fine. I’ll get in line then,” she rolls her eyes then walks away.

“How come no one believes me when I say I’m injured?” Jungkook asks as he munches on the fried chicken wings his best friend got.

“Because you’re a terrible actor. People believe me because I’m believable,” Jimin hums.

“They believe you because you posted all over social media that you hurt your ankle,” Jungkook corrects. 

“Yeah but that was like, half a year ago.”

“Why are you even pretending you’re injured? You don’t have to stay with me, you know? Go to the dance floor and have fun. That’s your thing.”

“Well, maybe I’m also not in the mood because my best friend’s sulking,” Jimin frowns. 

“Gee, I wonder why.”

“You know my sister’s sorry, right?”

“She’s ashamed, that’s what she is. And I’m just supposed to live with that.”

Jimin sighs as he watches his best friend mindlessly stare out onto the dance floor. Jungkook’s probably trying to rid himself of the image of both of you dancing and kissing and having fun if you were here. He could be making sense of what he feels, or his mind could also just be completely blank right now.

But what Jimin knows is that another glass of whiskey is something that Jungkook shouldn’t be having, so he stops his best friend from ordering another one.

“You might get drunk and then you’ll call or go see her and then you’ll say things you’ll regret and then you’ll hurt her and you’ll get even more hurt and you’ll have a harder time fixing things and then it just won’t stop and you’ll feel stupid because you’re not talking over something you could easily fix,” Jimin heaves. 

It’s a lot to process but Jungkook knows that Jimin’s right. He’ll just get too emotional and won’t be able to control himself and despite what he feels, hurting you is the last thing he wants.

So he orders water instead, finishes it, then heads for the door.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore,” he says. “I need to get some air.”

They end up at a park, the one that you used to hang at with your friends in high school. Jungkook knows because he always accompanied Jimin there when you’d tell him where to meet you. It’s peaceful at this time of night and much more beautiful, too. It’s no surprise he keeps thinking that you’re right next to him, with your head on his chest and laughing at his jokes. 

“Why is this affecting me so much?” He wonders out loud. “Why am I so hurt and so stubborn?”

“Because she said something she shouldn’t have. But also because you put her on a pedestal,” Jimin answers. “She made a mistake, and you’re free to fault her for it. I mean, anytime someone we care about hurts us, it sucks like hell. But you also have to think that maybe it’s affecting you as much as it does because she’s always been faultless in your eyes and she isn’t.”

The reality is a slap on the face, but one that Jungkook thinks he needs to have. You were everything he ever wanted and these past three months have been a bliss. But now that reality hits and you have to face the pressure that’s part of your life, your humanness is showing. And that’s what he’s always liked about you, isn’t it? The imperfections and the flaws? Now that those are affecting him, it’s affecting him hard, and he’s having a hard time getting over it.

“Maybe once you accept that she’s human and not just the dream you’ve had since forever, then you’ll realize that things like that happen but she never means to hurt you,” Jimin adds. “You can’t think that she does. You learn to work it out by facing it, Kook. You have to talk about it. You have to tell her it hurts and you have to listen to what she says, and then you forgive. That’s kind of how grownup relationships go.”

“Guess I’ve never had one before, huh?”

“Maybe they just didn’t mean enough to hurt you.”

“This means everything, then,” Jungkook sighs, as things get clearer in his mind. “Because I think what hurts more now is not being next to her.”

“Great! Then can both of you patch things up now?” Jimin beams, feeling hopeful. “I hate seeing both of you sad and so stupid. Plus, my parents are leaving tomorrow and you won’t have a buffer anymore. So please just talk.”

Jungkook admits feeling touched. He knows at the end of the day, Jimin cares about him and you more than anyone, and he probably misses being around both of you at the same time. Jungkook does, too, but he misses you the most and it’s only been a day.

“Tomorrow,” he says. “I don’t know what to tell her and it’s late. She might be asleep and—”

“Now you’re just making excuses,” Jimin crosses his arms.

“Well, what if I expect her to be the one to talk to me?”

“She tried but you didn’t want to, remember?”

“That was last night. The wound was still fresh,” Jungkook pouts. 

“Oh god. I feel like I’m dealing with children,” Jimin groans.

“Imagine how we felt taking care of you,” Jungkook answers back.

“At least I was just one person,” Jimin rolls his eyes. 

“Your dramatics were equivalent to two people though.”

Both men bicker as they walk back to the car. It started to drizzle so they decided to go back to their respective homes. Jungkook could stay over at your place and maybe talk to you if he really wants to but he’s seriously just chickening out over it. 

He’s never had to make up with you because none of your previous arguments ever led to you not talking to each other, or him pushing you away. He’s never had to spend a day ignoring you. And now, there’s so much to say and so much to feel but he doesn’t know how to approach it. He’ll need tonight to sort himself out and then he’ll speak to you, maybe after he drives your parents to the airport. Or maybe on the way back. 

He drops Jimin off; 30 seconds later, he’s home, too. You’re so close but so far away just like you used to be. But at least this time he knows that when the next day comes, he’ll have a chance to just pull you close and tell you he doesn’t want to be like this ever again.

There’s an incessant knocking on your door, and as you’re about to yell out that you’re asleep, you realize it might be Jungkook. You sit up on your bed and when the door opens and you see your brother instead, your face falls.

“It’s just me, unfortunately,” he says. “Kook’s back at his place.”

“Oh,” you sigh. “Why are you home so early? It’s like, 11.”

“Because after the third girl, his fake injury excuse wore off and people just didn’t believe him. We looked like losers sitting on the table eating chicken,” Jimin chuckles. “So we left after an hour then went to a park and I knocked some sense into him and now he’s not so upset anymore. And I’m here to knock some sense into you, too.”

“I already know I made a mistake, Chim. I’m… I’m so fucking stupid. I just… don’t want him to think that I’m ashamed of him or that I don’t think he’s enough or any of that. I mean I’m—”

“Crazy about him, right?”

“I kinda am,” you smile softly.

“Good, because so is he and he’s hoping you’d go talk to him even if he says he’ll talk to you tomorrow. Don’t waste time anymore and—”

You’re bolting off your bed and putting on your hoodie before your brother could finish his sentence. 

“If mom and dad look for me, tell them I—”

“Got attacked by a clown in the sewer.”

You look at him incredulously then realize you’re wearing yellow then you frown. 

“Just make up some excuse. I’ll… hopefully be back in the morning,” you say.

“Alright. It’s drizzling though so—”

And just like that, you’re gone.

It takes all but 10 seconds for the rain to pour, and your hoodie and sweatpants are no match for it. You groan at your brother for underselling the weather but then again, you also should be thanking him for telling you what you needed to hear - that Jungkook’s not so upset anymore and that he’s hoping you’d speak to him. 

Much as you think you would’ve taken any chance today to patch things up, you also would’ve frozen in front of him. You suppose you needed to know he was ready for you, and if he wouldn’t tell you, then of course, Jimin would. You just really wish he had the foresight to know it would rain this hard but you’re probably asking for too much. 

But Jungkook’s place is just a few blocks from yours so you power through. When you get there, you realize that you forgot your phone, so you make the stupid decision of climbing over the short fence and then hitting your cut finger in the process. 

You have no time to feel pain though, as the next order of business is getting Jungkook’s attention. But before you can execute your plan of throwing rocks on his window, the front door opens, and you telepathically thank your brother who probably called your boyfriend to alert him that you’ll be arriving at his place wet from the rain.

“___, what are you doing here?” Jungkook asks with worry painted on his face. 

“I just… I needed to come and see you,” you manage to answer.

His face softens and you feel the hope bloom in your chest. He pulls you inside by the wrist and instructs you to quietly go up the stairs. You’re at least not drenched but you still got wet, so he leads you to the bathroom to wash up. He tells you to wait as he gets you something to change in, and he returns after half a minute with a towel and a large shirt.

“Cream and band-aid, for your wound,” he says, placing them on the counter. “My room’s the second door to the right, in case you forgot.”

You take him in, in his black tank top and shorts, his tongue playing with his lip ring the way he always does when he’s nervous. You manage to nod before he heads out, and you take a quick shower and then pull his oversized shirt over you. 

You quietly walk to his room, knocking on the door first before opening it slowly. It’s a bit dim but seeing him is all you need. After placing your clothes on the nearby chair, you look at him again. 

He looks tired and worried. He also looks like he has so much to say but he doesn’t know where to start. There’s a hint of sadness in his eyes but there’s longing, too, and you suppose he’s mirroring how you look. You feel a lot. You also want to say a lot, but you don’t know where or how to start. 

So you do the one thing you know often works. You approach him then wrap your arms around his torso. You fall into his embrace as quickly as he falls into yours, as he seems to have the same idea. You hold him tighter and pull him closer. You flush your cheeks on his chest while he buries his face on your neck. You grip his top and he does the same with yours. Your heart beats fast in longing and you feel his own do the same, too. 

There’s so much to feel and say but this is all you can do. And right now, it’s quite enough. 

You loosen your grip, but only so you could nuzzle his neck while your arms wrap around them. He feels so warm and he smells so delicate and he’s all you need.

“You knew I was coming?” You ask, turning to him

“Jimin said you were on your way without an umbrella and your phone,” Jungkook chuckles. But his face softens as he wipes the lone tear that falls down your cheek. “You’re lucky it wasn’t a typhoon or anything.”

“I had to get to you,” you mumble. 

“He also told me he wasn’t subtle in telling you to come here.”

“Well, he did say you wanted me to talk to you. And I wanted to. I just wasn’t sure if you were ready to hear me out and I was… giving you space.”

“Yeah well, I don’t know what to do with that space without you there,” he sighs, his eyes shy and absolutely adorable.

“Neither do I,” you smile. “So, uh. Will you invite me to your bed, maybe fill that space and more?”

“Of course,” he laughs, taking your hand and leading you there. 

You get under the covers and once he lies next to you, you scoot closer, hugging him again until you’re laying on top of him. But he doesn’t complain. He just hugs you back tightly, pulling you closer until he’s able to bask in your scent and the warm feel of you.

But despite the relief, you know you actually have to do the talking. You pull away and lay on your side. You take in his beauty and his softness and the way they make you feel like all is right again in the world. Your fingers trace his face, from his nose to his cheek to his lips, and he does the boyfriend thing of kissing your hand - including your cut finger - before wrapping it around his waist. He looks like he’s anticipating your words, too, so you try and hope they’re enough.

“Kook, I’m so sorry,” you start. “I… I have no excuse. I was being selfish and cowardly because I didn’t know how to tell my parents. I didn’t want to deal with what they’ll say about your job, knowing how they are and what they value and I just…”

“That’s for me to deal with though,” he says. “Because I chose this. And I’ve always known how they are but I still chose you.”

“It’s for us to deal with, and I did it so terribly,” you shake your head. “I don’t want you to think that I’m ashamed of you and what you do. That freedom, the ability to create… they’re things they don’t really understand. And I thought I knew how to make them. I just ended up denying us and that was so wrong. I’m so sorry.”

“I… I get it,” he responds, caressing your cheek now. “They worked so hard to give you this life and of course they want to make sure you’re taken care of. And for them, they only know of one way that could happen. I’d be naive to think they’ll just accept that the man who’s crazy about their daughter isn’t some corporate dude with secure employment and upward mobility in his career.”

He doesn’t miss your shy smile and the way you nibble your lip and that just triggers the butterflies in his belly. 

“But that’s for me to show them that I can take care of you, and not because you can’t do it yourself but because I want to,” he adds. “I… I wanna be that person who makes things better and easier for you and who makes you happy.”

And who makes you feel loved, he doesn’t say. That’s a conversation for another day, he thinks.

“You do,” you assure him. “And I feel it everyday. You’re good at that, and I don’t tell you enough.”

“I know now,” he smiles, leaning closer to kiss you softly. 

You return it but pull away. “Do you forgive me?”

“Of course I do,” he says, falling into the kiss that he gives again.

“Okay. I don’t wanna hurt you like that ever again.”

Your pouty face tugs his heart and he wants to tell you that none of that matters now because you’re back in each other’s arms, and that’ll always be enough for him. 

He just hums as he goes for another kiss that’s deeper this time. And when you let him push you to lay on your back as you moan against his lips, his heart soars even more. He’s missed you, and it’s definitely going to be a long night.

He hovers over you now, and he shivers when your fingers graze his neck and then his chest. You open your legs to meet his hips, and the feel of your clothed cunt against him has his brain short-circuiting. He gets in the rhythm of grinding against you while he kisses your lips then your jaw then your neck, his hand now sneaking under your shirt to fondle your breast.

It’s when he sucks on that sensitive part near your ear that you yelp in pleasure, and he immediately covers your mouth with his hand while he giggles.

“Gotta keep it down babe,” he whispers. “My parents are in the other room.”

But he doesn’t stop his kissing and you don’t really want him to.

“It’s not like you’re making it any easier,” you moan as he pinches your pert nipple.

“I’m not and I won’t, but you gotta try,” he smirks before his lips trail downward.

You’re unable to say anything once his tongue swirls around your buds. His hands wrap around your breasts that he praises, that he kisses and licks before slowly letting them go to hold onto your waist this time. He presses open-mouth kisses down your torso, his lips in tandem with your underwear that’s teasingly being removed off of you. 

You hear him let out a breathy moan as he spreads your legs wider. 

And while you know that this tender-hearted man has a cheeky streak in him, you didn’t expect for him to have his finger against his lips to shush you, knowing what he’s about to do. His smug face turns you on even more, and your breath is caught in your throat once you feel his tongue flat against your flesh, warming it up before the tip of his wet muscle swirls around your nub.

But you go along with his request, biting back your moan, even as your pussy chases his mouth for more. 

And it’s what he gives, as he dives in and sucks and bites your clit while his two fingers explore your hole. The cold of his lip ring is a contrast to how hot you feel, and it’s a sensation you can never get enough of. You whimper in silence but you manage to look at him, his eyes closed as he buries his face in your cunt. 

“Look at me,” you whisper and he follows, his gaze meeting yours. “Fuu-uuck, Kook. You feel so good,” your voice quivers.

His mouth’s full but yours is hanging open. You cover yours with your free hand while the other pulls on his long locks. He’s enjoying this so much, you can tell with the way he squeezes your thighs and moans against your skin. He follows a pace that has your body shaking, straining in intense pleasure until it gives in. You let out a low scream as your orgasm hits, and he’s right there, riding out your high with you.

He cleans you up with his tongue and then makes a show of licking your essence off his fingers before kissing you again.

“You did good,” he teases, as he caresses your cheek.

You’re about to say that so did he when bucks his hip against yours, and the feel of his hard cock against your still wet cunt ignites another fire in you. He repeats it, and it’s what has you moaning again.

“Fuck baby, I told you to keep it down,” he says, continuing his movements.

You know you can’t help it at this point, not when he’s back to licking your neck and kneading your breast.

“Whatever. Not like this isn’t new to your parents or anything,” you say. 

It’s a guess but you doubt you’re wrong.

“What? Fucking a girl in my room?” 

“Yeah?”

“But you’re the first girl I ever brought in here,” he cocks an eyebrow. 

“That’s uh, that’s kinda sweet,” you reply, your breath steadying now. 

“Yeah and well, who gets to say they fucked their childhod crush in their childhood bedroom?” He smirks again. “I can.”

He’s back to kissing you and much as you enjoy this, the itch to feel him in your mouth overtakes you, and you take the chance when he trails down your neck.

“So, can this childhood crush suck your dick?” 

“Yes, she can,” he chuckles.

He removes himself from you and leans against his bed frame. You get on your knees and pull off his boxers, salivating at the sight before you. You get on top of him, your damp lips gliding against his hard cock and his mouth drops open, an invitation for you to do what you wish.

With your movements on his hips, you focus on his neck, licking up the smooth flesh and the protruding vein that has him biting back his moan. Then you kiss him, desperately and passionately, as you slowly remove his tank top and rest your hands on his chest.

It’s your turn to trail kisses down his torso now and you give every inch of him ample attention. But when you make it further down, there’s one part of him that deserves so much more. You tease him only a little, stroking his length and kitten-licking his slit, before swallowing him whole and swirling your tongue around and all over his cock. He’s hard and thick and everything you want inside of you.

You hold back a gag while he holds back his whimpers. You stroke him relentlessly so you could watch his mouth hang open and his strained body almost folding in pleasure as his thighs tighten in your hold. 

“You like that, baby?” You hum.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good around me. Fuck,” he keens, his voice quivering now. 

You let his sounds guide you on how hard and how deep to go, but he’s the one who stops you, as he leans close and captures your lips in a searing kiss. He pulls you back on top of him to slide down his cock and the stretch makes you moan in his mouth. 

He’s propped up on his arms for support while you move up and down, loving how he drags inside you in an angle that has your mind going hazy. You wrap your arms around his neck while he pushes upward to meet you, and somehow doing this while trying to be quiet is making the pleasure more intense.

It gets too much for Jungkook and he wants more. He wants to hit your deepest spots. He wants to be as close to you as he possibly can. He wants to swallow your moans and touch every part of your body and pleasure you in every way that he’s able. 

So he pulls you off and lays you on your side, sliding back in from behind, with your one leg raised. The angle has you keening, even more when his one hand finds your breast and the other does its work on your clit. He pushes gently then roughly, no longer caring about the odd sounds the bed is making against his wall. He wouldn’t mind making up a reason to his parents if they ask him about it. Right now, all he wants is to reach his peak with you. 

Your body is shaking in pleasure and overstimulation but you urge him, wanting to feel his seed inside you as well.

You lick his mouth. “Baby please, I want to feel your cum inside me,” you beg. “I want you so bad, fuck fuck.”

He loves it when you plead to him like this. He loves hearing what he does to you. He revels in the way your body molds into his, the way it aches to be close and to be one with him. His movements continue, and with his unrhythmic pounding against your pussy, he comes. You come right after, caused by his intense fiddling of your clit, and you feel like floating, your body in the clouds of pure pleasure.

But like always, he’s there with you, making sure you safely fall into a bed of hugs and kisses and warmth. He stays inside you as he softens, but his arms wrap around you, his face in your neck as he mumbles words of praise. 

“Fifteen-year-old me would never believe this,” he heaves as he turns you over to face him.

You giggle in response. 

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

“I do. It’s how I am with you. In the best way, of course,” he smiles his boyish smile, an interesting mix of innocent and cheeky.

“It’s the same with me,” you whisper, kissing his nose. “And 18-year-old me would never believe this.”

You wake up the next morning to the alarm that you set on Jungkook’s phone. Your parents are leaving early in the afternoon and they wanted to prepare breakfast for all of you, and it’s a meal with them that you’re excited and a little nervous to have. 

You kiss the chest that your face is flushed against, and this elicits a groan from the man next to you. 

“Good morning, babe,” you greet, shifting up to kiss his nose this time. 

“G’morning,” he grunts.

“So, uh, we’re supposed to meet my parents for breakfast. And uh, I’m going to tell them about us.”

It’s what prompts him to finally open his eyes, and the softness in them makes your heart burst. 

“Okay,” he smiles. “I hope it won’t ruin their trip or anything.”

“It won’t,” you assure him. “I… I tried to get through to my mom yesterday. You know, just telling her the things I value and stuff.”

“Hmm. Jimin did the same with your dad. I guess I won’t be such a disappointment now, huh?”

“Shush, you’re not even that,” you pout. “I think they’ll understand.”

He mirrors your smile and there’s a giddy feeling at finally - hopefully - seeing your parents be happy for you. So you get off the bed and sneak out of Jungkook’s bedroom to go to the bathroom. 

You wash up quickly, only to make it to the hallway and find his parents standing there, wide-eyed as they look at you in surprise. You realize you’re only wearing Jungkook’s shirt that falls just above your knees and you try to cover whatever you can with your hands.

“Hi, uncle. Hi, auntie,” you shyly smile. “This, uh, this isn’t how I wanted to meet you.”

“Well, we don’t really mind,” Jungkook’s mother smiles. “We’re just glad you’re here. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you.”

“I know. I, uh, I wasn’t dating your son yet the last time I was here.”

“And that calls for a celebration, doesn’t it?” She giggles. “That boy has had a crush on you since forever. It’s funny he never believed that we knew. He wasn’t exactly subtle.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve heard that,” you laugh back.

You hear a door open and before you know it, large arms are wrapping around your waist and a mop of hair tickles your cheek. Jungkook grunts against your neck as he says that he’s finally awake, and you cringe at his parents’ amused faces.

“Kook, your parents are in front of us. This is so embarrassing.”

“Nah, they don’t mind. They’re cool,” he says.

“Yeah, and my parents aren’t,” you sigh.

“So, I’m guessing your parents don’t know yet?” His father asks.

Your pout prompts him to explain. “Well, the day after you got together, our lovesick son here told our family about both of you. But he said that you haven't told your parents yet so we’ve kept it from them ever since. It’s hard since we see them all the time but we managed.”

“Kook also told us about what happened,” his mother asks. “He was grumpy all day yesterday and we got him to tell us why he was so upset.”

“I’m sorry,” you pout again. “That wasn’t my finest moment.”

You feel Jungkook’s hold on you tighten, his way of telling you it’s all okay.

“It’s alright, darling,” she smiles. “We know how your parents are, and their reasons come from a good place. We tried to make this boy here understand them and you as well. Firstborns carry immense pressure to meet expectations; he just doesn’t get it because he’s the youngest. But it seems that it’s worked out with both of you, and we’re glad it did.”

“He couldn’t resist me,” you shrug, to his parents’ amusement. 

“Uh, you’re the one who walked through the rain to come see me,” he reminds you, his head popping out of your neck now. 

“You wanted me to.”

He tickles you in response and you’re all laughing in no time. It’s a different dynamic with his parents, as Jungkook always had a very close relationship with them. You saw it as a teenager and now, you get to be part of it, too.

They finally let you go and ask you to have dinner with them tomorrow, and that’s one meal that you’re definitely excited to have. 

You push Jungkook towards the bathroom and then return to his room to dress up. It’s shortly after when you’re both walking the few blocks to your house, fingers interlocked as you give each other comfort.

You make it home and once you unlock the door, you can already hear laughter and clanking pots from the kitchen. You head there, meet Jimin’s smug face, and clear your throat to announce your presence.

“Oh, there you are. We were wondering where you were,” your mother says. “And hi, Jungkook.”

He greets your parents and from behind you, you take his hand again. 

“I went for a walk… with Jungkook.”

He clears his throat and you backtrack.

“I mean, I, uh, was at his place. That’s where I slept.”

“Oh?” Your parents say at the same time, their eyes looking at you in confusion.

“He’s kinda my boyfriend.”

“Kinda? Babe, I think I’m more than ‘kinda’ your boyfriend,” he exclaims. 

Your parents look shocked and next to them, Jimin is laughing in his seat.

“I mean, he is my legit, actual boyfriend,” you correct. “The new thing in my life that I denied is actually him. And the person who stands by me, who makes me enjoy the moments? That’s him, too.”

Their faces soften, and somehow that’s the comfort you need. Perhaps all the talking that you and your brother have done has gotten into them. You wouldn’t be surprised if they talked about it, too.

“Why didn’t you tell us, then?” Your mother asks.

“Because he’s not what you expected,” you sigh. “And I didn’t know how you’d take it.”

“Well, he is your brother’s best friend,” she points out. 

“Who’s had a crush on me since he was a teenager,” you explain.

“That’s… not surprising,” your father laughs. “We could tell.”

“Oh my god, Kook. You are not subtle,” you elbow him. You turn back at them. “But I… I didn’t know how to tell you because you expect me to have a partner who’s part of your world, you know? And Jungkook likes his freedom. He likes his art and… he really likes me. And I happen to really like him, too.”

“He treats you well? Makes you happy? He’s someone you can depend on when things get tough?” Your father asks. 

He smiles tenderly at you and you feel like crying.

“Yes, very much,” you nod.

“Then I think he’s everything we need him to be. A good partner, I’d say.”

You let out a sigh of relief. This is all you needed to hear.

“We’re sorry if you felt like you couldn’t be honest with us,” your mother shakes her head. “I guess we just needed some reminding of what we want for you and your brother. And well, Jungkook’s shown us his heart all these years. He’s always been a part of the family and he’ll be even more.”

They’re words that Jungkook didn’t expect would get him emotional, and he hugs you from behind just to steady himself. But it’s what makes your mother walk towards him for a hug, and your father surprisingly does the same. 

“Alright, I guess it’s fitting to have this family breakfast together,” your mother says.

You all take your seats at the dining table, with yours being next to Jungkook now.

Jimin cheekily smiles. “Well, if this whole dance thing doesn’t work out, I guess I can just be a counselor or family therapist or something.”

“Just don’t call your clients ‘stupid,’” you roll your eyes.

“I won’t. That’s only reserved for you.”

And just like that, everything is as it should be.

You get through breakfast with lots of laughter, as you and Jungkook tell your own versions of the story while Jimin butts in to tell his own. It’s heartwarming to see your parents this way, especially when they tease your boyfriend about his crush on you growing up. 

But even they admit that they’ve depended on him all these years, too, and that they don’t doubt his loyalty and commitment to you. 

You share a tense moment with him after you all drop your parents to the airport, though. Jungkook has just unloaded all their things and as they hug you goodbye, your father teases.

“Just don’t welcome us home and tell us we're grandparents already.”

Jungkook dry laughs and so do you. That’s another topic for another day, you suppose, and while you’re still unsure of having a family, you just know it’s something you’ll both talk about.

You all get home soon after to wash up. Jungkook’s excited about how you’ll spend the day now that you’re both talking again, and you suggest hanging by the beach and then going out for dinner. 

Jimin says he’ll stay home to let you two make up for the past two days and so he could have that online date with Taehyung, and you agree.

You and Jungkook end up having a really good day. 

You go to a mall and walk around. He gets you a pair of stud earrings to commemorate the day you went official to your parents and you buy him a silver chain necklace for the same silly reason, but also because he looks really good in one and you want him to have more. It pairs real nicely with the shirt and joggers casual outfit he’s been sporting these past days, and the teasing look he makes after he puts it on reminds you of that one time his necklace was dangling on your face when he was pounding into you on your couch.

You get fruit drinks and snacks at the stalls you both used to buy from as teenagers, then you head to the beach where you lounge until sunset. You wade in the water, splash each other, and then make out when there’s no one around. 

You feel so free and light, so young and hopeful. These are the moments you love having with him, the ones you like to enjoy and savor and have more of. And you know you’ll have them for the rest of this trip and when you get back to Seoul. 

Jimin joins you for dinner at a burger place, then you all buy cup noodles and beer and head to your favorite park. It’s just like how most of your nights together go, just in the outdoors. You and your brother bicker and Jungkook referees; there’s also the occasional “you’re so cheesy” comment from you to your boyfriend and Jimin’s gagging sound. 

You confirm plans for the rest of the trip. Your parents will be enjoying Hawaii for close to two weeks, and you have all that time to rest and spend time with your two favorite people. You’ll be off work. Jungkook has some projects to finalize while you do your own thing, and Jimin will be watching dance shows to get him inspired. 

But there are more beaches and parks and villages to visit. There’s also that two-night stay at a resort you’ll be having. There are other sites and restaurants to go to, and you’ll be reliving your teenage years together while making new memories.

You’re now back at home, snug in Jungkook’s arms as he leans against the bed frame in your room, with you in between his legs. 

“Today was a really good day,” you say, turning to him after he kisses your cheek.

“Today was amazing,” he hums.

He smiles as he replays the scenes of you shopping for each other, frolicking on the beach, and walking around your favorite spots. They’re all so simple and things you’ve done before but today felt so much more. There was a look in your eyes that held such tenderness and care for him. You held his hand as if you didn’t want to ever let go, as if you didn’t want him to.

“I really like you, Kook,” you mumble, almost like a confession, as if it’s not known. “I don’t know how else to say it.”

His eyes soften, as does his smile that he’s had on pretty much the whole day. But he just looks at you, and though you know he feels the same way, you want to hear him verbalize it again.

“Hey, say it back,” you nudge him. 

“I love you though,” he says after a beat of silence.

You’re now the one who looks at him, unable to say a word. 

“Are you that surprised?” He looks back at you nervously, nibbling his lip ring. “I mean, I think it’s quite obvious, just like everything I feel about you is.”

“Kook, I…” you try, but you don’t exactly know how to respond. 

You don’t doubt his feelings but somehow you can’t help but think that maybe right now, he loves the idea of you and not you, and there’s a difference.

“I think I always have but I guess I didn’t realize just how much until this whole thing happened,” he continues, wanting you to understand what he feels. “I asked Jimin why it was affecting me so much and he said it’s because I put you on a pedestal. You were this dream I’ve had for so long that I admired from a distance and now I get to be with you and you’re… human, not some flawless being who doesn’t make mistakes. So when you hurt me, I faltered. That’s on me, too. Because I… I expected too much. And I’m sorry.”

His focus is on his hands that are playing with yours before he turns to you again.

“I realized that I wanted so badly for you to want me, that’s why it hurt. I wanted to be that person you cared for and trusted and needed because you’re all that for me. And when I saw you at my door last night, nothing else mattered but you,” he continues. 

“Whatever misunderstanding or mistake or disagreement, I learned to accept them and I just wanted you, in my arms, so I could show you that you’re all I need. I’ve dreamt of you for so long and this version of you is more than I could’ve imagined. And I just… I love you, okay? It doesn’t matter how you feel. I just need you to know that I do, and I don’t think I’ll stop.”

Your heart is about to burst, and all you could do is cup his face in your hands and kiss him, hard and deep until you run out of air. You kiss him eagerly because you’re desperate for his touch. You kiss him passionately because there are things you feel that you can’t put into words yet, and this is how you tell him. 

He’s quick to follow your pace, wrapping his arms around your waist as he helps you sit on his lap. Your fingers comb through his hair and grip his top and pull him closer, all while you grind against him and moan in his mouth. 

But when he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and caresses your cheek, you go tender. 

“I love you so much,” he whispers against your lips, and all you feel is the warmth of his touch and how it’s all the comfort and security and stability that you need.

You slowly pull away and graze your nose against his. You don’t say anything else and he doesn’t expect you to. But you kiss his cheek and hug him, and you hear him sigh in relief.

He pulls away and cheekily smiles. 

“You know, there’s a song for this.”

“A—what?” You laugh.

“A song.”

He pulls away from you then stands from the bed. “Let me get it from Jimin’s room.”

You stare at him questioningly because you really didn’t think he could surprise you even more. He returns with one of his burned CDs and you ask him if he has a sex playlist or something. 

“I used to daydream about you to this,” he says, as he puts it in the CD player that your parents got you for your 17th birthday. “I listened to it after that very kiss we had and, well, we’re back home rehashing so many memories and I kinda just want to fulfill another fantasy of mine.”

He plays the song and the first notes get you all giddy and excited and nostalgic and very much turned on. 

“This was my favorite song,” you say, as you signal him to come closer.

“I know. You played it all the time, I could hear it from the other room.”

You giggle, and it’s a sound he wants to listen to forever. 

“So, what’s this fantasy of yours?” You ask, as you take your shirt off.

He licks his lips at the breathtaking sight of you, but he softens at the fairy tattoo on your shoulder, the one he customized and that you love showing off.

“Just… make love to you while this plays in the background,” he manages to say. 

Your face softens, too, and it’s a sight he also wants to see everyday of his life.

“I’m all yours, Kook. Do whatever you please.”

It’s a week later when you tell him. 

You’d just gotten back from that short trip to a resort that had you relaxed and stuffed with food. You video called with your parents during their sunset cruise and your father once again teased about not being grandparents yet and just like the first time, you brushed it off. 

You’re lying on Jungkook’s chest as you laugh about Jimin’s terrible bowling skills. And in the silence, he asks, “does it bother you that your parents expect you to have kids?”

You knew he’d picked up on it the first time, but it’s just now that he’s bringing it up.

“A little. I try not to think about it though,” you sigh. “It’s another one of those expectations, you know? But I guess it’s a harder thing to talk to them about, that I don’t know if I want kids.”

He just hums and combs your hair with his fingers.

“Does it bother you?” You ask, suddenly feeling nervous. You know enough this is a make-or-break for many people. 

“Not really,” he says. “It’s not easy to raise a child, much less carry one, and that’s something I can’t do for you. But I guess, it doesn’t matter. We can have kids. Or not. We can have a dog or a pet tortoise or a fish, really. When I think of a future, all I see is you. The rest is just a bonus.”

He speaks of your future with such certainty. He’s always talked about enjoying the moments but the one version of a future he wants is the one where you’re with him. 

“I just want you to know that whatever you’re worried about, share it with me. I don’t want you to worry about me. We do this together. We figure it out together,” he adds. 

And just like that, the fears and pressure you feel slowly dissipate. He’s the only version of the future you want. Everything else is just a bonus. 

You turn to him with a kiss on his cheek. 

“I love you, Kook. I don’t want anyone else to love me, and I don’t want to love anybody else,” you whisper like a plea, just like a promise. 

“I’m not loving anybody else,” he kisses you. 

And it’s his own promise he makes.

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