#i kind of like this and kind of don't

[roseadleyn]

𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞 | 𝐀𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐮 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐧.

in which alberu finds himself trying, and failing, to teach you how to play an instrument.

alberu's large, smooth hand covers yours. 'darling, that is not how you play.'

'artistic freedom allows it.' you retort.

he laughs, repositioning your hold on the instrument. 'that, it does. now, try again.'

'do i have to?'

'sweetheart, i would never make you do anything you don't want to.. but this is important. for the ball. it's orders that you have to play, and if you don't know, I'll teach you.'

you grumble but start off again. it's... atrocious. it sounds like a mish-mash of badly tuned guitar and violin with a few piano notes thrown in.

alberu winces. 'are you trying to make me go deaf?'

'haha, very funny.'

he sighs. 'what will make you play? properly, i mean?'

you perk up. 'a kiss would do it!'

alberu blinks, a bit surprised, and then smiles, 'should've said so earlier.'

he places a kiss on your temple. 'how about this: everytime you play correctly, i'll give you a kiss.'

you roll your eyes but nod, and strum your fingers along the instrument, trying to remember what alberu had patiently been repeating for the past half hour. the melody produced doesn't sound quite as bad, and you look up at him as though to say, was that better?

he merely nods his satisfaction.

you glare at him. 'no kiss.'

he laughs and then gives a small cough. 'back to the instrument.'

you jump on him, tackling him to the ground. 'alberu!'

alberu gasps, breathless, 'what?'

'you didn't keep your promise.'

'i made a promise?'

you give him a second glare and then decide to play his game. you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, tantalizingly close to kissing him on his lips. he lets out a groan. 'why are you—'

'shut up!'

he laughs. 'you didn't play correctly.'

'yes, i did!'

'nope. it was just better.'

'what did you expect, mozart?'

'i'm pretty sure mozart played the piano, little love.'

'whatever.'

a small moment of silence, then—

alberu sits up. 'what kind of conversation did we just have?'

'one where we discussed the many ways in which ways you betrayed me.'

alberu gives a chuckle, and feeling ridiculous, you start laughing too, and once you start, it's difficult to stop. the two of you laugh until your lungs start to hurt and your throat feels raw.

he kisses you properly now, hands around you, and you lean in as well. after a few moments, he smiles. 'happy, little love?'

'very.'

'...now, the instrument —'

'alberu!'

—

this is for @elychee!! (this took so long and it's so horrendous but here u go. i'm sorry)

taglist ; @rouecentric / @hmerus, @d10nsaint, @that-one-pretty-bitch, @mysticmeena, @parkykwho, @lady-navier0357, @giyuus0nlywife, @sidra-29 and @cerisearan, @dxmoness, (marquise, i don't know whether you know tcf but i couldn't not tag u) and @nxccolo.

[gongyussy]

i'll let phie-san say it:

[smoosie]

(Which arm, Viktor, huh ? Which one ??)

They were not a couple so, Jayce (who had a very bad day and just wanted to hug it out) proceeded to freak out, backed out of the lab and never mentioned it again but, Astral Viktor, that mf ? He'd be delighted to remind Jayce of that moment in time, of that missed call and watch him die from embarrassment and resentment over himself

(I'm glad they've never beaten the gay allegations and never will)

[acorviart]

not to sound like a boomer, but I need some people to learn how to write emails in a semi-professional (at the very least) format so you're not cold emailing a business/potential employer/any other stranger about formal matters in the exact same way you'd DM a close friend on instagram

the formality/language can loosen up in the email chain once you've established a rapport and you match the other person if they're being less formal, but please don't have the very first email you send a stranger be written in all lowercase ultra-casual sms slang with no greeting or signature and a billion emojis

[hinamie]

10 years later

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

The stewards of the old world are always keen to give you a glimpse of their might... According to legend, the ancients built specialized chambers to seal away false prophets.

The Arcane is waking up.

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[tossawary]

This is petty fandom salt, BUT... I've been chewing on this phenomenon that I've been calling "Fandom's Darling". It is related to things like "Author's Darling" and "Mary Sue / Gary Stu" and "Protagonist Halo" and all that jazz, where one character gains a peculiar narrative weight in a story.

"Author's Darling" is when a writer has a favorite character, and the world and all other characters sort of get... warped to put the Darling in the spotlight. It's most noticeable in TV shows with multiple writers, when a character you personally like suddenly has their previous characterization destroyed to make another character look good somehow. Every other character might become weirdly incompetent. The Darling's feelings are treated as The Most Important Feelings in any given situation. The logic of the fictional world seems broken past suspension of disbelief in order to validate this one character's beliefs or skillset or some other fantasy. And so on.

"Fandom's Darling" is what I've been calling the pattern where a fandom essentially crowns a New Protagonist for their fanfiction stories (it's often a side character rather than the original protagonist, but it can also happen to protagonists). This character becomes the self-insert for all sorts of indulgent fantasies, gaining special powers or backstories, and/or becoming the focus of extreme whump, and/or hooking up with all the various hotties, starring in all sorts of tropey AUs, and so on. They're not always an obvious Mary Sue version of themselves, but the character's original personality and interpersonal relationships tend to get warped or dropped completely, and other characters tend to become a little flat around them. I call it "Fandom's Darling" because it's not just one self-indulgent fantasy fic (you do you! Have fun!) with characterization choices that I don't vibe with (I have neither the time nor the desire nor the authority to police anything, I am just venting), but rather a prolific mini-fandom of sorts revolving around this empty doll / fanon version of the chosen vessel character, so it becomes a little unavoidable.

I am salty about this (mildly frustrated) (imagine a soft sigh of disappointment before I just go do something else) because you are FUCKED if you actually liked the canonical version of this character and their interpersonal relationships. It's almost worse than liking an obscure character that no one cares about. There's about a thousand fics starring your fave, but maybe only about a dozen of them are actually rooted in any kind of recognisable canon.

[reginalusus]

Ok. *Puts them in a corny, 90s anime romance scene in which Bruce helps Harvey come down from a rough dissociation/derealization episode by using sensory grounding.*

[elucubrare]

i firmly hold that it's my duty as a reader to believe it when an author tells me at the beginning of the series that the dragons are gone forever and never coming back. but god it's a struggle sometimes.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

HOT, SINGLE, UNSTUDIED SPONGES. 3000 NAUTICAL MILES AWAY. Come sail the distance and read Tiger Tiger!

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

My Great Grandma who loved her babies very much

Reference that I used for the face!

[hinamie]

I'll give them shelter like you've done for me

[deep-dark-fears]

Out out, Mister Goofums. A fear submitted by Lauren to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!

You can find original artwork or commission portraits in my shop!