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elzphine · 4 months ago

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𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ About me! ⭑.ᐟ

This post IS LONGGGG Hi I'm Ella, this page is mainly for me to rant and talk about things I like. Below is more about me as a person and my interests, I do like talking about my personal life to a degree without giving much information out just so you know. Ella isn't my real name either it's a nickname I go by on some of my socials.

Name: Ella

Age: I don't like going into specifics, but I do follow dnf's that restrict certain ages according to my actual age, just keep creepy things to yourself! <3

Just so you know I do tend to overshare on my posts, I try keeping an open mind most times, due to my personality and the way I was brought up I am relatively mean when talking about others even if I don't exactly mean to be. I don't necessarily trash talk people in specific but I tend to be overly honest with people which causes feelings to get hurt etc, etc. I speak what I perceive to be the truth so I lack friends irl..

Personality: It's changed almost every time I took the MBTI test, probably because I took it on 16p.. But I also self typed too and looked into how people who actually are the MBTI I call myself act and respond as a person and compared it with myself I so I guess it's self typing? I don't know. But INTJ is what I find most relatable to myself and how I perceive the world and interact with people. Not too sure of an enneagram I haven't found a free test for that yet.

Interests: Ani-manga, Horror genre things, JJK, PMM, Death note, tbhk, danganronpa. Drawing, Character design, Fanfic reading or writing, world building, character writing, Reality shifting, japanese folklore, I love using folklore when creating characters it is so much fun to interpret and create a design incorporating elements from history, or just irl things in general. I like hazbin hotel, don't come for me I hate the humor in it but I love the idea of the show being an interpretation of heaven and hell and the society in it. Harry potter kind of not really.. Never was much into it. give anime reccomendations pls I need more things to watch!!

Music taste: ANYTHING LITERALLY ANYTHING IM IN THE MOOD FOR I WAS ABLE TO LISTEN TO A 6 MINUTE SONG ABOUT CORNDOGS PERFECTLY FINE IDK HOW. I have bad hyperfixations when I comes to music genres so these are my tops, Emo claimed bands, female manipulator music, pop punk and some hardcore bands, I don't have any at the top of my head, but I was able to listen to black metal, death metal, parody songs the electro swing remix was fire! I can get down to taylor swift and baby shark, I can listen to drill, rap, phonk, songs in spanish or even swedish. country, folk idc. My playlists due to my recent revamp, Are more fixated on ariana grande, sabrina carpenter, mitski, lana, and very few taylor swift, I like alternative music too, I know I'm forgetting so many different genres but those were what I could list off best so keep that in mind. early 2000s-2016 music is top tier fyi. though frank Sinatra is a G oms.

Other random things: I'm all for self improvement and learning more about myself and other topics if I ever magically start liking something you know about by all means info dump, My fav seasons are fall and winter. I'm a winter baby <3 I prefer "cunty" music made by women rather than gay men or trans women (Love y'all too dw.) It just feels more authentic to me if you know what I mean, I can't properly like describe it for some reason but just trust me it's not because I hate that group of people. (I hate everyone equally !!!) I'm a medical NERD, my favorite medical dramas are HOUSE!!! HOUSE I LOVE YOU HOUSE PLS ADOPT ME AND TEACH ME EVERYTHING HE'S THE ICON PLEASE PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE. He's funny and I love his way of thinking. (I just realized we have the same personality type live laugh love that!!) My personality does kind of differ online due to the character limits on tumblr, because if it were up to me every one of these sections would have 5 different paragraphs per thing thank you. I'm an honors student idk if thats shocking to anyone but yea. This also probably will be more shitposting based just random takes from my perspective like reviews on starbucks drinks and just random events. the format is probably going to be more like, diary like idk? its just me posting my thoughts and leaving it out for you all more anonymously if ykwim? I was bullied all of my elementary years over a single unsanitary habit I had. (Picking my nose, like everyone made a point to leave me out due to this. EVERYONE collectively even when i stopped it still happened.) I'm insanely delusional not in a cute or quirky way like "omg he likes me guys" like no, I convinced myself for a month that I had schizophrenia even though I had 0 symptoms or auditory hallucinations or visual hallucinations. I did constant research and found myself on schizophrenia tiktok. Like dawg is trippin fr fr, overthinking and analyzing every little thing is my favorite hobby, so is daydreaming!! One time during a finance class I had I daydreamed that I was a single mom who lived a walking distance from the beach and I had the job i'm going for in the medical field. I loved that daydream so much, would've preferred to have a partner ngl.

Thanks so much for reading, apologies for it being so long my mind is so rampant and i have so much to say and so much input to give that it kind of gets hard to put it in simple sentences. If you're similar to me please follow and moot me or wtv yall do on tumblr I love people with similar mindsets and aspirations it makes me wanna do better in order to keep up.

#about myself #textpost #moots

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feeblescholarmyass · 2 years ago

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Headcanons

to motivate me to write chapter three

these all take place after they're all together and are completely separate from the plot

tags: poly relationship, Sumeru Boys x GN! Reader, sfw, fluff, slight spoilers for the fic in the future but idgaf (wanderer/scara is now involved. I can't get him oUT OF MY HEAD)

cw: cursing (mild), mentions of the reader's parents (m&f, good relationship)

masterlist

Alhaitham

I'm gonna be totally honest rn if you're hella tall good for you but I see the reader as like Cyno height so keep that in mind

Haitham here is definitely going to do that thing where he pretends not to see/hear you because of your height (half because you startle him all the time since he doesn't see OR hear you approaching)

he's not that big of a fiction reader but he loves listening to you recount the plot of your latest favorite book or fic and sometimes he actually gets really into hearing you tell the story so if you leave him off on a cliffhanger if you need to go do something he will seek you out until you finish telling him the story

if you're in his way/can't reach something he just like,,, picks you up

say you're putting away the dishes or standing in front of a cabinet he'll lift you up by your waist either to help you reach something or to put you down somewhere else

smells really nice so sometimes you take his shirts or something when you're at home all day and you look like you're wearing a tent and he notices but doesn't say anything unless he wants to get his laundry done and reminds you to put his things you took in with the rest of it

both your parents have mixed feelings on him but he doesn't give any shits

Kaveh

You two definitely spend hours alone in the studio of your shared living space sketching either in silence or having the most distracted conversations ever

he'll be designing something meanwhile you're sketching one of your boyfriends (one of the actual ones or some character from a book you've decided is cute)

and he'll look up at you and ask "what's missing?" while holding up the sketch

you'll spin around (of course you've got the spinny chairs you aren't living unless you have a nice spinny chair) and peer over at it for a while, the either describe it or sketch something down silently and he'll go "that's exactly what it needed!"

and vice versa

say you're having trouble with a pose/lighting/detail and you'll point at it and say "how do I fix it" and he'll give you a few pointers or suggestions

eventually one of the others has to remind you to leave and go get some sunlight and both of you will be shocked at how much time has passed

also y'all know that voice line where he says he's already learned to play an instrument? you learned to play along with your father at a young age and now being able to play together makes both of you so happy 🥺🥺

I can totally see him trying to practice one day but just not being into it until he hears you harmonizing to what he's playing, either with your voice or your instrument of choice

and don't get me started on the improv opportunities

like he plays one pattern and you build off each other back and forth until you're both tired and giggling

he cherishes those moments with you the most, seeing as how art is so rarely appreciated as highly as academics in Sumeru

both of your parents adore him and ask about him all the time

Tighnari

as your Amurta senior he gets on your ass about schoolwork even more than Alhaitham 😔😔😔

but you don't mind since he helps you with your work rather often

he is the most worried about your health so he checks up on you rather often. if you're inside for too long, he'll ask you to take a walk outside with him. if you haven't eaten yet, he'll make you a meal and chastise you for forgetting to take care of yourself. if you've been a little overwhelmed lately, he will sit down with you and keep your mind off what is stressing you, either by snuggling with you and talking nonsense about fungi or a grooming session for the both of you (face masks and painting of nails, the whole shabang)

of the four, he also is the most critical of the way some (*cough cough*, Scara, Alhaitham, and Kaveh's endless bickering *cough cough*) of the others act around you. If you ever need a break from them, he is more than willing to pull you away.

very open with his feelings and affections for you, almost as much so as Kaveh, who is ever such a romantic

not against PDA, but if you're not a fan he keeps his hands to himself. in public, he loves soft, quick brushes of his hand against your back or cheek, a quick kiss stolen in the privacy of your home

also top tier cuddler. of all the five, he finds himself sleeping in your bed the most often.

your mother absolutely adores him

Cyno

he definitely had some trouble getting the hang of things in the beginning, especially with being affectionate

he gets very flustered 🤭🤭 sometimes you'll say something to him with so much adoration in your voice that he'll just go silent and stare at you with the most loving look in his eyes like he just witnessed magic

he once tried to throw in a pick-up line with his usual joking, but got wayyyy too embarrassed and ended up not saying the punchline, instead just staring at his feet with a mortified look

you love to play with his hair, trying out new hairstyles and cute accessories in his hair. any time you ask he'll sit down and let you do his hair. he doesn't say it, but he loves sitting like that, with his eyes closed and your thighs around his waist as he feels your fingers combing through his hair. sometimes he even lets you cut it if it's getting too bothersome or has a lot of split ends

gets along with your dad scarily well like you didn't think he would get past that awkward "yeah I'm dating your child yeah I know it's weird yeah please don't hate me" stage but now your dad texts him every day and they go back and forth making jokes all day every day

he taught your dad emojis and now it's the only way your dad communicates with you

there are so many more for him that I can't say yet because it spoils the plot

Scaramouche / Wanderer

as the newest victim of your allure, he still is getting used to the dynamic of the group

since he's the only one the same age as you, you have a lot more core classes together. he also follows you around and glares at anyone who he doesn't deem worthy of your time.

when he's not with you, he talks about you all the time. he thinks about you constantly. it's a little insufferable, to be honest. he's a complete ass to your classmates, and he still holds a grudge against them. for what I can't tell you yet 😔

he spends the most time in your room, just observing you and being near you. he'll complain about something or other while you do your school work, and you'll listen and smile. he sneaks closer and closer until he's practically draping himself over you and you give up on finishing your work, instead opting to hold him and tease him for being so clingy

your animals won't leave him alone. they follow him around *almost* as much as you

your mother hates him, your father thinks he could bother to be a little more respectful to others, but otherwise likes him

taglist: @ratty-rat-toot @em-asian @hypernovaxx @surgeonsofazaroy @xiaosimper @i-loveyou013 @strwbrysweets

let me know if you want to be added! (if your name is in bold, it means I can't tag you)

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years ago

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I’ve been totally meaning to do something centered around this for so long, but do you ever think about the fact that being Unknown’s assistant means living with him, and thus also means sharing some epic roommate moments? Like, for example, asking him where the toilet paper is when the bathroom runs out. Or, him getting angry at you in the shower because he has to pee, or even forgetting a change of clothes and forcing him out to go grab them. Think about him catching an Mc who can’t sleep without holding something clinging onto pillows every night. Imagine him with an Mc who also has dyed hair, having a designated day where they both touch up their roots together. Even brushing teeth next to each other and him getting mad at an Mc who’s long hair is now being found here and there in random locations. So many little moments we don’t even consider, from him clipping his nails in front of you to you asking him where he keeps the spare towels and sheets. POV: 1 am thoughts

Absolutely. I honestly think you would write a whole Crack-Fic about being Unknown’s Assistant where it's just cutaway after cutaway of subjecting him to the reality of what it actually means to be subjected to living around somebody else in middle of everything else. He's been in isolation for so long that he's got no clue how other people interact.

Like, for example, I always imagine his workroom is designed to keep him inside. It had a bathroom and a bedroom attached but he hardly uses the bedroom. He sleeps at his desk like a fool and wonders why his joints ache so much. As the Assistant, you wind up getting bed rights. You’re the one that gets the bed.

Like, are you going to keep those rights or are you going to nag him that you should share because sleep is the basis of life and if he wants to win, he needs to get a good sleep? How long can you nag him before he cracks and does it? Or, how long until he locks you in there and tells you to shut up? He's going to do one or the other and in this moment, there was only one bed needs to be a goal. Think about that one.

Does he let you leave? Do you have to remind him to restock your bathroom supplies? Or, are you allowed to do it yourself? I don't know how to feel about asking him about certain... products that you find in the restroom. That's going to be an awkward conversation if you're an MC with a uterus. Well, it may be worth a thought. Maybe he'll be empathetic to somebody in pain... for once. That's a real thinker.

Who does the laundry in this team? Is Unknown doing your laundry? I need to remind y'all that he kidnapped you and unless you had clothes on you, you're wearing his hand me downs or he raided a thrift store for you. Oh my God. Can you imagine that one? I always imagined that is how he got his leather jacket... are you gonna let him style you? Because you don’t really get much of a say in the matter being his assistant. Is he doing the laundry because he's gotta stop working to do that? You think he'll let you get a glimpse of the tattoo while you both sit in front of the wash? Hell, maybe you could ask and tease him. Open up some healthy dialogue with him!

But, please, he's got a mini fridge in there with ice cream that he’s stocked up for a reason. Don't be that roommate who eats his food because it may be the last time you do. Oh, God. Worse yet. Thermostat wars. Unknown keeps that room freezing because it keeps him awake when he’s working, are you going to turn the heat up or do you want to make your death wish now?

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cosmoforia · 2 years ago

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just watched episode 4 and ... I've got some things to say, but first my opinions about the first 3 episodes:

They're fine, it had its ??? moments and the its supposed to be a serious scene but you just end up laughing your ass off

Like when louis's brother last words are: " I ate too much checkered cake " and he fucking throws himself off the roof like 😭???

Also the scene where lestat in a jealous state brings soldiers to louis's brothel and he says: well i thought we could have an orgy you could fuck them and i could eat them, and then later he says: I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING! 1!1!!1 💀

I'm sure there are more but i really can't remember them rn lmao, but now let's talk about episode 4 :

The whole plot is based on the knowledge that Daniel and Louis are redoing the interview they did back in the 70s bc Louis is a big dumb dummy head who can't seem to get his life right and now he wants a second chance for some reason, right?

So what does Daniel mean when he says: for a killing machine i kind of like her??? You are already supposed to know who she is? And yes i considered his parkinson's disease but he clearly remembers louis and lestat's shitty relationship and keeps shitting louis for changing the story so why would he forget about claudia? that's just lazy plot-convenient writing.

Also about claudia .... I don't want y'all to pull the iTs hEr FIrsT rOlEee!!1! card bc it was also 11 year-old kirsten dunst's first role and she did THAT performance in the 1994 movie and she even stated that she didn't really understand claudia very well but she still did a jaw-dropping performance, and bailey bass did not understand the assignment very well, and neither did the costume designers -_-

But that's not all, why didn't claudia get her gut-wrenching + " the spark" transformation like Louis did? Bc the instance she turns into a vampire she's already so into it in an annoying way, canon claudia is simply fine and cool with her transformation since she didn't quite know what she fully was yet, all she knew was that she wanted and needed to feed. She was just a 5 year-old kid.

Now I'm sure bailey bass gave her all in this episode and sorry but not sorry ... her performance comes off as annoying and too much for me, i get the fact that she's a 13 year-old girl but we all know that that's not how canon claudia acted right? Even for a 5 year-old kid. Also a scene that pissed me off was when claudia asks for more blood and Louis says: you want more? UM LESTAT SHOULD'VE SAID THAT?? LOUIS WOULD HAVE PROBABLY GONE CRYING TO HIS COFFIN HOLDING CLAUDIA IN HIS ARMS LIKE A DOLL THE INSTANT HE WOULD'VE HEARD HER SAY THAT

Also they way this episode tries to gaslight me into thinking that she actually looked like a 13 year-old girl... nobody's fooled amc. And i kinda don't like the way they seem like a wholesome cutesy family ... they were nothing like that??? if they ever spent some "family time" it would be at operas or goint to finish off families with lestat, not going to kill couples fucking in the middle of nowhere.

And the part where daniel says that claudia was a bandage for a shitty marriage, yeah we know that but before claudia came louis and lestat already had a happy active sex life and louis just brought claudia bc he just can't live in peace for a minute.

And for last, the final scene where claudia goes: i'll forever be stuck in this flat-chested, thirteen year-old, hairless crotched, baby doll body.

Girl. You just fucked your crush and accidentally killed him in the process and i don't think he was bothered by your "flat chest" and "hairless crotch". 75 year-old in a 5 year-old body claudia wouldn't have even gotten a smooch on the cheek unless if it was a kind of what a wonder of a child! situation.

As my final words, I only hope that claudia better start acting mature and fast bc this is nothing what I expected for 2022 claudia to be.

#amc iwtv #iwtv #claudia iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #anne rice #the vampire chronicles #amc interview with the vampire

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

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J Watches Arcane: Ep. 7, Random Thoughts/Play-By-Play

Y'all know the drill by this point. Or you don't, and want me to shut up. This show is killing me. Unfortunately for it, I am a rock and cannot die. Unfortunately for me, I still have feelings, and I am feeling all three of them right now

(1:47) Caitlyn @ Vi: I am so mad at you. But also I am still very concerned for your health

(2:40) MY BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. might be a tiny bit mad at him for the end of the last episode, but also I am fully aware that shit was already fucked by the time he got there, soooooo not really actually mad. Also just glad he's back? I really expected him to show up more in act 2 than he did (he had, what, two scenes? at least both of them were him being a huge badass).

(4:57, "I missed you, little man") god, yes, finally another second of happiness to soothe the terrible aching in my soul. I love my precious blorbos so fucking much

(6:40~) after giving the sapphics plenty to cry/scream about, we finally get something for the folks who like men (jk, jk, the men in this show are very pretty, even with their shirts on)

(9:39) this is a very good example of what makes Sevika interesting. She fucking hates Jinx, yeah, but when it comes down to it, she clearly sees how important Jinx is to Silco. Part of me also wonders what she thought of the Vander orphans back in the day- I mean, she was pretty clearly a friend of Vander's, and a regular at The Last Drop. How bad did it hurt to watch Silco's other goons try to kill them? At what point did she end up hating Jinx? Idk, just something I can't stop wondering about

(10:20~) is. is she. putting in. the staples. on TOP of her pants? forget belts, this is the new way to keep yer pants up

(12:27) oh yeah, crying again

(13:47, "you didn't say they were from the undercity") oop, here it is, the descent of Jayce. or at least one of several nails in the not-yet-finished coffin, yes? for a man who's best friend is from the undercity, Jayce is leaning a bit hard into this divide.

(14:29) I kind of hate how much hotter Silco is with that jacket. I don't know why I am like this. But that's a good jacket.

(19:18) hehhehehehe gayyyyyyyyy. I love Cait and Vi so much

(22:58, "he'll listen to me") why do I get the feeling that Jayce won't? oh, right, because this show loves making me CRY and it's a good opportunity to do that

(24:000, "I'm only asking you to prepare to defend your people") okay. build a fucking shield, dip-ass. designate safe zones within the city, anywhere that could withstand the most damage. set up plans to evacuate those most at risk if necessary, using the hexgates. double check incoming and outgoing trade items, and try to ensure that you have enough supplies to last, even if you have to ration them. set up extra watchmen around the hexgates, because those are BIGASS targets for anyone attempting to cripple Piltover. I don't know enough Lore to make the following statement with confidence, but I'm making it with a shrug nonetheless: Mel, your Medarda is showing

"The decision is yours" that's a very "guilt-tripping" mother line. okay, well, somewhat of one. there's no "I'm sure you'll make the right decision" or "you know what I would do", but I wouldn't be surprised if Mel was counting on that sort of subtext

(28:35) FUCK the way Cait just pulls Vi in closer asdfghjkl; these two will be the death of me

(31:47) dear friend, across the river...

(34:26) oh damn. how have I not seen any gif sets of this scene? or at least this part. my god. cool. I am going to cry very soon, but cool!

(35:28) and here are the tears! I have seen gifs of this part. and tiktok edits that I did not scroll past fast enough. it was never going to end any other way, huh?

#j watches tv #j watches arcane #arcane netflix #arcane spoilers #less tears this time but plenty of aching

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pocfansmatter · 4 years ago

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Okay I said before I was going to get more in depth with blood quantum eventually so now is as better time than any I guess. Mind you I'm speaking as a Native American meaning an Indigenous person from America. Specifically from 2 southern California tribes. I cannot speak for all Native or Indigenous people. I can only speak for myself, I can’t even speak for my tribe. However most Natives tend to have the same view when it comes to the blood quantum debate. From this point on blood quantum will be shortened to BQ & Native American to Native(s).

Originally this was gonna be a reply to another comment but decided to make it it's own post so I don't associate my blog with that anti Indigenous one. Please try to read the whole post before clicking the articles. I screenshotted the main parts to keep the discussion going. Feel free to click on all the articles because they are good & most of them are from Native run news websites.

I was gonna do this with a read more tag but my laptop doesn't want to work. I'm literally getting anyther one on Thanksgiving but my old one doesn't cooperate sorry so y'all are gonna get a long post. 😕

So let's start with the basics. What is blood quantum?

"Blood quantum laws or Indian blood laws are laws in the United States and the former Thirteen colonies that define Native American identity by percentages of ancestry. ... For instance, a person who has one parent who is a full-blood Native American and one who has no Native ancestry has a blood quantum of 1/2."

In case that was confusing if one person is "full blood native" they are considered 4/4. Meaning they have no relatives who are of any other race or ethnicity. If the "full blood native" has a child with a non Native person the child would have a BQ of 1/2 Native blood. If that child has a child with a non Native that child will be considered 1/4. This will continue to get lower & lower unless the child has a baby with another Native. Then the BQ raises or stays the same depending on the other parents BQ.

Now that the definition is out of the way lets get into the issue with this.

This is a good article that narrowed down an issue with Pharrell wearing a headdress. I wanna focus on one part of the article though.

"... deeply connected to their Native culture & live it every day."

"Having Native American ancestors doesn't get you off the hook if you don't bother to do the homework."

So I mentioned before that a lot of Natives don't consider BQ as a proper way of measuring your culture. Being Native isn't something you can pull out when it's convenient like for a photoshoot. Its every single day. It's in the words we speak, in the clothes we wear & in the food we cook. Same as any other culture.

Asian people don't wake up not Asian. Black people don't wake up not Black.

So why is do some people pull out the Native card when it is convenient? Like Pharrell did or Elizabeth Warren claims.

This article sums it up well but I wanna focus on the last 2 paragraphs.

Link to the full article:

There's similarities in both articles by 2 different Native authors from 2 different news websites.

They both speak about connections to our culture. A DNA test cannot measure ones Indigenous Ancestry because being Indigenous is much more than something in your blood.

I made a post asking some questions that might help understand if one is Indigenous or not. Now I'm not saying these are all the questions nor that I'm the expert on this. These are just STARTER questions to help people understand what it means to be Native.

Does the tribe you claim, claim you?

Have you been to the reservation?

Do you participate in the community?

Have you met your family from the tribe?

Do you know your history, traditions, anything about the tribe you claim?

The big one is are you claimed. You cannot claim a tribe that doesn't claim you. Now I'm not saying the entirety of the tribe has to know you personally. I'm not even saying you have to stand in front of the tribal council & ask them if they claim you. A claim can be made as little as just your family saying "this person is one of us".

The reason I bring this up is because multiple tribes have in the past & continue the practice of "adopting" a person into their tribe. There's many examples of this. Some can be adopted because they married into a tribe. Non Natives & Natives of other tribes alike have been adopted into tribes. There can be legal adoptions like adopting a child. And countless other examples.

A lot of the time biologically those members aren't apart of the tribe & cannot be enrolled but are still viewed as a member by the community.

For personal example, my sister has been adopted by my tribe. She's actually an enrolled member from another tribe & technically my cousin but was taking away by CPS & my family took her in. She grew up & still lives on my reservation. She is from another reservation. Although her tribe still claims her as a member my tribe also does. People in my community know her as a member of my family & have grown up with her. She knows many of our traditions & practices some ceremonies with us that are specific to my tribe. No one in our tribe has expressed any issue with this so far & even if they did they would have a stern talking to. We are even in the process of organizing her to be buried on our tribal land instead of hers. Her choice & we are okay with it.

Now I want to point out another way people can be considered Native even if they aren't enrolled or cannot answer those questions properly.

Let's look at something called "reconnecting Natives".

What is a reconnecting Native?

A reconnecting Native is someone of Native Ancestry who for whatever reason has been removed from their culture, family, reservation, etc so they do not know them & are actively trying to learn those things so they can reclaim their Native roots.

So, how does this happen? This is actually a very common issue in the community.

One of the main ways a Native might become disconnected is through the process of Residential Schools or Indian Boarding Schools. What is that? Here's a snippet of an article to help explain.

Of course here is the link:

The official motto of these schools was "kill the Indian, save the man” and if you think it sounds awful I promise you, it was much worse than you could imagine.

There's a movie on Netflix called Indian Horse which I have not watched yet but is based off a novel by an Indigenous author that looks at these Boarding Schools if you wish to check that out.

The goals of these schools were to strip Indigenous children of their culture. They were beaten, starved, punished of things as simple as speaking in their languages. A lot of them didn't even speak English. It was illegal to keep your kids from this school & often times tribal children went to these schools and never returned to their family. Natives who attended these schools or are children of children who attended these schools more often than not stop practicing their culture or forget it. In that way they become "disconnected".

Those members can if chosen too began the process of reconnecting.

I found this really good article going a little more in depth on the do's & don't's of reconnecting.

But here's a screenshot of important parts.

Granted this is a long process. Lifelong. Every journey to reconnect is difficult & very different from others. It depends on your tribe & community. Some of them make it easier & some make it harder. It's up to the individual to put in the work.

Now I don't want to make it like being a connected Native is easy. Yes it's easier but connected Natives also put in work to live their culture everyday.

Now what does this have to do with blood quantum? As you can see none of these articles about being Native or even a reconnecting Native mention blood quantum or DNA being a requirement.

If one is Japanese & someone asks "how are you Japanese?" What would the answer be?

"Because I just am. Because my parents are Japanese."

If someone is white & has kids those kids are white, correct?

So if it's so easy to explain for other cultures why does mine require math? Why are some of my family members not enrolled members despite having Native parents & growing up on the reservation? Why do my people have to actively think about the DNA results of our children if we choose to have them?

Because of BQ. Its a tool created by colonizers that are forced upon us. If we do not abide by the rules & requirements the government sets in place we run the very big risk of

Losing our status of a Native American tribe.

Losing our land & land rights.

Losing funding from the federal government.

Losing our housing.

Losing Healthcare.

Losing our basic citizenship rights.

The thing about BQ is it's designed so that we fail. If we fail to keep a certain amount of enrolled tribal members in a tribe then the government can break treaties & take away our land & things that are rightfully ours.

BQ is a lose/lose situation all around for us as well as extremely racist.

Because of the BQ requirements Natives actively worry about who they have children with. Some don't date outside of the their culture in fear of their children not being seen as legally Native. The problem here is a lot of the tribe is related. The issue of inbreeding increases. How do we solve that problem? Well we can have children with Natives of another tribe. But there's a problem here too. Most tribes do not allow what we call dual enrollment. Both of my tribes for example don't allow this. Which means one would have to pick which tribe to enroll their child. That means one of the tribes will lose out on a member. So that's another way identities are erased using BQ.

Okay I think I'm going to end this here. There is so much more I could've added. I also could've expanded on residential schools, what it means to be Indigenous, & reconnecting Natives but I wanted to keep it focused on BQ. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask or research on your own. We're still here. We aren't stuck in the 1800's. We weren't all killed by cowboys but the government is still actively trying to erase us.

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imo-chan-imagines · 4 years ago

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『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 2 』

· Sept. 26th → One Ball, Heart and Soul ·

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Testurou Kuroo, Bokuto Koutarou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru, Terushima Yuuji

Prompts: A. favourite position/role + B. travel/journey

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), PG, fluff, crack, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020

A/N: I found it so hard to pick a favourite position/role, because they're all so interesting and important, and I love everyone 😭 But I settled on the role of captain because of the headcanons I thought of. Captain Sqaud, assemble! So, want to find out what these boys are like on a road trip?

(Just to be clear, I do love all these guys. None of this is hate 😂) All my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts will be SFW, but I have some NSFW stuff on my blog, too. Feel free to check that out~ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ Imo~

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Dad-chi™

Comes prepared with all the food, drinks, snacks, med kit, camera – literally everything you could possibly need on a road trip

Plans out the route beforehand down to the tiniest detail nothing gets past this man

As well as multiple backup routes in case there's diversions etc.

Plans for regular breaks at two-hour intervals where everyone can pee, stretch their legs, buy anything they need, etc.

He's the one who's driving he's not letting anybody else get a scratch on his van, lmao

And he's good at it

No speeding he's a cop, y'all but he doesn't dawdle either, no running red lights, turns corners well, keeps an even foot on the gas, etc.

Just a good time, tbh

Nobody is getting car sick because of him that would be a damn disgrace

"Stop fighting right now, or I'm turning this van around"

And will actually do it if you don't stfu, lmfao

Don't even think about making a mess and dropping your rubbish in the van you'll be walking home

Everyone else thinks his music is boring and for old people, but Daichi honestly doesn't care

Besides, it's either that or no music at all, because he needs to concentrate on the road

He takes this shit seriously. People's lives are in his hands, dammit!

☆ Testurou Kuroo ☆

Likes to switch between driving and riding shotgun/being designated navigator

Is fairly decent at both

Is constantly eating something but, like, he probably doesn't even know what it is

Some kind of edible is shoved towards his mouth by whoever's riding shotgun, and in it goes shut up. Not like that, you cretins 😂

Somehow manages to behave like an overbearing grandparent and an overexcited child at the same time?? Nothing new there, I guess 😂

I'm sorry, Kuroo, I love you. Please don't be mad 😭

Has a banging playlist full of throwback songs from the 90s and early 2000s

Drums along sofly on the steering wheel or dashboard constantly

HATES driving in rain he's low-key terrified he's going to aquaplane

Likes driving with the windows wound down and feeling the wind in his hair

Will plan the route, but then forget to save it/print it off, etc.

Cannot work Google Maps or SAT-NAVs to save his life Kenma, please help him

Actually packs properly balanced meals, but is heavy on the snacks, too

You'd think he'd drive too fast, but he's actually really responsible

Constantly telling dad jokes to try and keep people amused the groaners are the best

Would probably fight someone at the gas station if they started being a dick and causing trouble

Kuroo, baby. I love you, but please don't get arrested 😭😂😭

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Dear God, do NOT let him drive leave it to Akaashi, I'm begging you

Has really bad spacial awareness in a vehicle and drifts all over the place

Probably speeds without even knowing it, too

Likes to ride shotgun, but is a terrible navigator, so is nearly always made to ride in the back

Is the loud one that moves around too much and blocks the rear view mirror strap him in tight, Akaashi

Belts along at the top of his voice to whatever music is playing, he's not fussy

Was told to pack essential items in his backpack and proceeded to fill it with sweets and snacks and a pack of condoms??? and thought he did good

Bokuto: Bro, you said they were essential

Akaashi: NOT FOR EVERY SITUATION

Rarely ever has to pee, but when he does, it's always miles away from any service station, and he has to hold it for hours

Has definitely peed at the side of the road multiple times because he couldn't hold it any longer, but he wasn't even embarrassed as numerous cars zoomed past

Likes sticking his head out the window like a dog on the motorway which gives everyone else heart attacks

Like, get the hell back inside you maniac 😭

If the car has a sunroof, he's 100% standing up through it with his hands in the air just you try and stop him

And they will. Everyone will try

"HORSES!!"

Will get out of the car in traffic jams to find out what's going on and end up chatting with random strangers until it starts moving again

And he's very sad when he has to leave his new friends. Droopy hair and emo Kou for the next 2 hours :(

Unironically enjoys playing 'I Spy' for hours at a time

Is a bit much to handle in such a confined space for hours on end, but he's just so excited for the road trip

Will fall sound asleep in a matter of minutes if you set him up with a travel pillow and it's freaking adorable!!

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

No music whatsoever it's distracting. Why would he want it?

Okay driver, brilliant paper-map navigator

Will sit and do absolutely nothing but stare out the window the entire trip if he's neither

Breaks too hard and accelerates too fast, though

Is also kind of heavy-handed with the gear stick he may or may not have snapped one off before...

Never give him a SAT-NAV, though, because he will follow the directions with 100% accuracy and end up driving through a wall or some shit don't try and deny it

Does he ever even blink when he's looking at the road? We may never know

Might be astral projecting, who knows

Forgets people need toilet breaks but refuses to make unscheduled stops

"Just hold it in"

Uh-huh, sure. That's how that works, Toshi

No snacks

Or rather, no fun snacks. Protein bars and mineral water all the way, babyyyy 🙃🙃🙃

Could probably drive all through the night without taking any breaks but that's irresponsible

Don't do it, kids

Will likely devour the entire KFC menu at the service station he's big, okay? He eats a lot

Is prone to leg cramp after long drives oh look, he needs a massage 😏

Doesn't get car sick. Ever. Upset stomachs are for the weak

Has garbage and recycling pouches on the backs of the front seats use them correctly, or feel his wrath

Isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but it's somehow endearing just like always *happy sigh*

But it's actually a good thing

There's no hidden side to Ushi or any bad or annoying habits that come out of the woodwork on a long road trip

He's just the same old reliable, adorably straightforward Ushijima ❤

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Calls shotgun and demands the aux cord every. Single. Time but it's pretty decent music, so no-one really complains

Not that he's any good at navigation pray for Iwa-chan

Is constantly taking selfies, making TikToks, and documenting the trip on his social media

#ROADTRIP #SQUAD GOALS #BETTER THAN YOU

Will send all the photos in the group chat when it's over, and they actually come out pretty well

Will not stop complaining if the air conditioning is busted and Iwa-chan will threaten to dump him in the middle of nowhere if he doesn't can it 😂

Iwa-chan: I shoulda left you on that street corner where you were standing

Oikawa: But'cha dIDN'T

Bonus points if you get that reference, lmao

Has to keep taking breaks because his butt hurts when he sits down for too long because it's fLaT

I'm sorry, Tooru 😭😭 Forgive me. I love you, really

Is constantly on his phone

But he points out pretty views and interesting sights to everyone all the time awww

Low-key needs to pee all the time, but gets defensive if someone brings it up please stop bulling him, travelling is hard

"Are we there yet?"

Seems kind of annoying, but is actually just genuinely excited to go on a road trip and spend time with his friends 😭😭

Buys matching souvenirs for everyone in secret to surprise them with 🥺

When people complain about all the photos, souvenirs, and enthusiasm, etc. and ask why he has to keep doing it, Oikawa says:

"I want to remember as much of this as possible. I want us all to remember as much of this as much as possible," with a sweet little smile 😭😭😭

And that's when everyone realises how mean they've been to him about being over-the-top and irritating, and they all feel terrible

Just like in the freaking anime, man

☆ Terushima Yuuji ☆

Will hijack the aux cord to play his incredibly niche music taste

Feet up on the dashboard when he rides shotgun

Shoes on is bad enough, but shoes off just stinks up the entire car you have to roll all the windows down, lmfao

Will break all sorts of road laws if you let him behind the wheel please don't

Daichi will come and arrest him 😭😭

Lives on energy drinks

That's all the drinks he packs. Nothing else

Travels in sports wear and sliders yes, even though you reallly shouldn't drive in sandals

Like he knows or cares 😭

Will chat to girls at the gas station and ask for their numbers, even though he's never going to see them again

"You never know, man! It could be, like, fate or something"

Yes, Yuuji, you do. And it's 'or something'

Thinks it's a good time to sext his current booty call because, like, he has hours of free time. What else is he going to do?

Probably forgot to pack actual food

Has to live off of snacks and cheap service station food for the duration of the trip

But not his own snacks, of course. Everyone else's one doesn't keep friends and buy one's own snacks

Genuinely doesn't realise if he's being gross or annoying, so let him down lightly like a bro and he'll probably make an effort to stop

Doesn't plan the route or anything, even if he's driving. Just punches it into Google Maps as he sits his ass down on the day and trusts it to get him there in one piece and on time

Entire Johzenji team: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

For some reason knows how to change a flat tire, though, so he's good for something, I guess 😂😂

Probably saw a YouTube video on it. Maybe a WikiHow article

Somehow still manages to be an endearing part of the trip??

He smiles a lot and makes a lot of jokes, particularly when things go wrong, so it keeps everyone's spirits up

It definitely wouldn't be the same without him

#imo chan imagines #haikyuuweek2020 #haikyuu!!#hq!#headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sawamura daichi #tetsurou kuroo #oikawa tooru #ushijima wakatoshi #terushima yuuji #sawamura daichi headcanons #testurou kuroo headcanons #oikawa tooru headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi headcanons #terushima yuuji headcanons #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou headcanons

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yourpreciouslilbub · 4 years ago

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park woo jin ft lee dae hwi pt. 1 (random imagines)

member: park woo jin ft. lee dae hwi

genre: fluff, au

warnings: wrong grammar, cringiness (read at ur own risk)

summary: daydreaming about changing lives by imagining having swapping bodies with a celebrity

• y/n is so done with her life.

• online classes just make her behavior worst and tired than having face to face.

• tends to isolate herself from her main accounts not minding chats and notifications.

• it's not that you don't care or mind about other people, you just don't feel communicating lmao

• prefer spending time by spazzing, watching k-dramas, or playing.

• on a night with a full moon, hearing those unstoppable sounds of dogs in your neighborhood.

• y/n suddenly thinks of having a different kind of life she has.

• kinda corny but wishes to experience those (be careful what you wish for)

• being weird and an overthinker she just let it pass, finally decides to sleep.

• next morning came, y/n wakes up with a bright vivid light that comes from the window.

• slowly progressing what happened on the verge of 'your mind is still asleep'

• a loud 'bugsh' was heard when you fall from your bed

• white long curtains, teddy bears and other cute stuff, a mini piano with lots of music sheets scattered on it,

• colorful post-it that you also read, "you can do it" "well done." "fans are waiting for you" "love myself too" "music is hard but it's all worth it".

• and a sweet smell of vaporized candles lingers around the room.

• y/n is amused yet nervous especially when he heard the door opens.

• "daehwi-yah we will eat now, what are you doing there on the floor? still asleep?"

• woong said, questioning y/n then laugh before closing the door.

• ofc you know him. it's woong the main vocalist and fake maknae of the k-pop group that you've been stanning since their debut ab6ix.

• confused still half-awake y/n decided to check her face by looking at the mirror (more like a routine or habit daehwi does lol every morning)

• "oh my god" y/n said in Korean that made her more shocked.

• purple pajamas with messy hair but still looking handsome on it is the image that you saw in front of the mirror.

• "how did this happen?" eyes are both wide open checking if this is freaking real.

• still not syncing into reality you decided to pounder thoughts

• when you heard the other members yell daehwi's name

• so your feet take you to the familiar and at the same time unfamiliar kitchen of ab6ix.

• "why are you so weird today, daehwi-yah?" woojin asked sending his signature sparrow gaze into you.

• you suddenly feel the urge to curse bcs first you are star-struck, second, it's bared face ab6ix your idols, third park woo jin is freaking asking you why daehwi is weird, lastly, daehwi is your bias and you are in his body?

• can't process the whole information, so you just shrugged at woojin's question then sit on the empty chair beside donghyun.

• everyone is busy chit-chatting while you just eat your food silently.

• the next hours went by smoothly except those kakao messages that came from other celebrities that you know too (daehwi being a social butterfly)

• and when your manager calls you for dance and vocal practice today along with the other members

• ofc you are nervous you don't sing and dance, and daehwi's prob professional especially when writing songs how are you supposed to do that?

• with cold hands you and the other members enter the practice room.

• woojin leads it and play a warm-up song first.

• y/n is very nervous but amused at how daehwi's body moves along the beat.

• you enjoyed vocal lessons too as you kept making vibrations on the songs.

• little you did know that woojin is observing you since this morning (y'all know that park woojin is the member whose daehwi are most close with so)

• you let out a big sigh when the classes are finally over but immediately taken aback when manly arms wrapped around your shoulders.

• "we should talk," woojin murmured then drag you until you two reach his room.

• woojin's room is a combination of black and white a typical minimalist person would love this adding his collection of action figurines.

• he's so manly, you thought to yourself.

• "daehwi-yah, spill it," he said breaking the silence between the two of you.

• "i-uh is there something that i s-should spill?" you want to slap yourself for stammering in front of him.

• while he gave you his 'oh pls btch stop acting like you don't know anything at all'

• when he realized that you don't have any plans to answer his question

• "YAHHHH PARK WOO JIN"

• "see? daehwi is not like that," he said while crossing his arms in front of you.

• did park woo jin literally brought his face closer to the point that you two could kiss and thinking of it happened a few moments ago made your face red like a tomato.

• "daehwi's not minding it but you— who are you?"

• y/n's heart suddenly beats faster than normal, she wants to defend herself but no words would escape from her lips.

• "sweetie, don't be afraid it's just me park woo jin" he said smiling showing his snaggletooth.

• intimidated. that's what you're feeling right now. seeing him this close makes your heartbeat wild adding that he's interrogating you.

• you didn't have a choice it's now or never so you told woojin everything.

• at first he didn't believe it but when he challenged you to make simple sentences for lyrics he started to believe you.

• months past like that, woojin is there guiding you every time he sees that you prob gonna ruin smth

• y/n and woojin always spend time a lot together after rehearsals, practices, classes, gym, or even if you don't have anything scheduled for the day.

• you know him for being clingy with daehwi as you always watch their behind clips but damn having skinship with woojin really hits different

• it made your heart flutter every time he does it (but u only keep it to yourself)

• he kisses you sometimes on your cheek when you two are alone

• that's how park woo jin and y/n became close.

• today y/n is super hype bcs she saw the first snow

• woojin messaged you on kakao stating that he has a surprise so you two agreed to meet

• knowing him, maybe it's another prank or somehow something nice happen for him to celebrate it

• so you decided to wear daehwi's purple balenciaga sweater partnered with burberry coat and ofc his favorite dior bag that you can't forget to bring with

• you really like to dress up that's why you don't find it hard to style daehwi bcs daehwi already have a lot of designer clothes that made it easier for you

• before heading out, you sprayed daehwi's saint laurent perfume enjoying your personal favorite scent among his collection

• "y/n, you're late" woojin called as he waves at you.

• "i am not, you're just early" you rolled your eyes at him realizing that he wears his balenciaga pack again.

• others would find it weird but you call it 'pack' bcs his overall fashion is all balenciaga and it makes you roll your eyes more at him bcs you already know that he's freaking rich

• does he want to slap on my face that he could buy this entire house just for me to say that he's freaking rich? you thought.

• woojin pulled your wrist making you sit beside him

• it's not that you feel awkward with him, what's with the pulling and the intense gaze that he gives you right now

• y/n can't look straight at woojin bcs of her wildly beating heart.

• woojin held your chin so that you could have an eye to eye contact and when you two have—

• "woojin i—"

• "y/n i—"

• you both said at the same time.

• when you broke eye contact and decided to stand up woojin stop you but this time he held your hand.

• he stands up filling the gap between the two of you

• y/n stand there froze don't know what to do

• again woojin approach you, slowly, pulling you closer to him (tho there's not that much diff abt hwi and woojin's height)

• "i like you, y/n" he said while seriously looking into your eyes

• and like instructions that you follow to do, next thing you knew you found yourself closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch with yours

• but you suddenly feel dizzy,

• then started to feel hot, mixed emotions.

• "y/n?" "y/n?"

• you open your eyes finding yourself in front of your monitor having online classes

• "y/n, show us your talent now"

• you don't know what to feel, felt crying bcs finally you are now back with your original body, happy bcs woojin confessed to you a while ago, sad bcs you can't see and bond with them now, and there's a big question mark on why and how you returned in the time of your online classes.

#park woojin imagines #park woojin scenarios #park woojin au #lee daehwi scenarios #lee daehwi imagines #wanna one imagines #ab6ix #ab6ix imagines #wanna one

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scarluxia · 4 years ago

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Let's talk about some Adventures I had in Phoenix, AZ in 2015. It came up in my FB Memories and even though I determined to let everything from last decade go, this one still rankles. I got "in trouble" with these people for being open about my experiences on my Facebook because, even though I hadn't mentioned names, they didn't like me "putting their business out there".

CW for ableism, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I'll try to put all that in the tags.

My partner, Loki (yes real name), and I had been urban camping in Portland, OR for about a month. It had gotten cold and rainy to the point where we couldn't safely stay living outdoors, and Loki's father (who didn't approve of me) had demanded he come back to California and live with Loki's uncle. He made it quite clear I was not welcome, so I ended up going to Arizona because I had a friend who was willing to put me up. She and I had known each other since 2008 and I figured I would be safe with her. At the time, Loki was much more easily influenced by what his family wanted, and we ended up having kind of a nasty set of conversations over whether he was abandoning me.

While in Portland, my wallet had been stolen so I had no ID or SS card. I had reported it stolen of course, but had received no response until I was leaving Arizona.

My friend in Arizona had two young sons, a husband, and a boyfriend. Now, I have some sensory issues that make it so I have a hard time being around children. High pitched noises hurt me to my bones, like, even now I have to leave the room if my son gets overly excited and starts shrieking.

I was sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was where the kids would go when they woke up and where the TVs and entertainment consoles were.

Anyway, they wanted me to contribute to the household and whatnot but I was severely depressed and I think I've provided all the context I can remember? If the rest of this doesn't make sense, please know that there was a part 1 but it came up in my Memories on a different day and i didn't think I would be rehashing it.

So I couldn't do work, couldn't do anything anyone had asked me to do to satisfaction because various things that did not, in fact, depend on me. Maybe I wasn't being enough of a ~team player~, I don't know. But anyway, I did my best with what I had. Sometimes, because of THE EXTREME FUCKING SENSORY ISSUES THAT COME WITH AUTISM, I would get overwhelmed by the kids screaming. Two little boys, barely school age, and their parents sat them in front of a TV and gave them controllers. That's it. They had toys in their room, sure, but they weren't getting outside. I suggested taking them out a couple times, but firstly, I didn't know the area and wasn't about to go out alone, and secondly, I can't split in half and I'm not in good shape, so even if I had known the area, I wouldn't have taken TWO small children outside to run around where they could run out of the designated area. I'm kind of anal that way, I guess. But Woman A (mum) and Man B ("uncle") never got off their arses to help me take them outside, and Man A was at work.

Oh, yes, parental interaction with the kids. Woman A loved her sons very much. But at their age (3 and 5), they both should have been toilet trained. They should have gotten at least two hours outside every day. They threw fits when they weren't allowed to play video games because, instead of games being a special treat that was earned with good behavior, they were toys carelessly tossed at the kids to keep them out of everyone's hair. Conversely, and bizarrely, reading to them WAS a special treat. The father woke up, played games, basically brushed off his kids, and went to work. Same when he got home for lunch, and he *ordered* us to have them in bed by the time he got home for good. The mum did somewhat interact with them, but mostly just wanted them out of her hair. I wasn't so nice because I'm not good with kids in general and also loud screeching HURTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP. (Same with snoring, or any noise made when I want to sleep.) This isn't me being a ~diva~, it is an actual manifestation of a mental disability.

Woman A was of the opinion that "everyone who lives in a house with kids automatically becomes a coparent", maybe because she wasn't willing to actually parent her kids herself.

Note from the future: I still disagree with the idea that "anyone who lives in a house with kids is automatically a co-parent". Parent your own kids. I don't expect my dad to parent my son when we go visit him and he made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he would not take on a co-parenting role (because his wives 30-50 years ago had handled the babies and he doesn't really know how to calm them down beyond entertaining them)

She got a really bitchy look on her face whenever I (who have been around children, especially TROUBLED children, all my life) made any sort of suggestion. Well sorry, lady, but it's not like you're doing such a great job with them. Y'all act like you barely want anything to do with them. Like they're cute and little and fun to snuggle, but actually teaching them anything? Forget about it, just toss em a controller and hope they don't kill each other in the game or real life. Meanwhile, they have no outlet for their natural physical energy, no real outlet for their curiosity. They're going to grow up stupid and sedentary, with "no one paid attention to me during childhood except when it was convenient for THEM" to deal with. The older kid recently got on meds for a condition that, from what I observed, was likely much more nurture than nature. And what everyone ate, my God, those kids were the only non-overweight people in the house, and it's little wonder! I bought ACTUAL NUTRITIONAL food for everyone, and the adults look at me like I'm from some demon dimension. I made a light comment about how I'd never eaten anything like what they had growing up. You know, boxed potatoes, veggies out of a can, white bread, sugary peanut butter. And Woman A was like, "well YOU don't have kids."

Um, no, but my father did.

I have a kid now, am working part time at min. wage because my boss sees my performance as so-so (plus she's been forced to give me a raise every time the County of Where I Live raises the minimum), in a single-income household, on as much Family With Kids welfare as My County will allow, and I still wouldn't feed my kid that crap LOL

Spoiler alert: they made me use all my food stamps on their household and then kicked me out later that month so... When I bought food I bought HEALTHY food, like, I've been on food stamps my entire life... Also, WIC specifically pays for WHEAT bread, fruits & veggies, and they do let you get peanut butter without sugar so idk what was going on there with them.

My father was a SINGLE PARENT raising a daughter in America after 20 years of living in Europe and raising kids with his previous wives. Well, up until the divorces, anyway. I was the only kid he ever got to keep. He told me things about how the others had been raised compared to how I was raised, and I saw the outcomes of different parenting styles in my peers as well. My father was a very poor man whose trade had been outsourced and who struggled to support us for years. And yet, we never went hungry, and he never fed me boxed potatoes. Never fed me sugary peanut butter, white bread, or veggies out of a can.

Ok I understand canned veggies are better than no veggies, and not everyone can get fresh, but you CAN get frozen in AZ. I always had fresh or frozen growing up.

It wasn't because we were living in the lap of luxury. It's because...

HE FUCKING VALUED OUR HEALTH OVER CONVENIENT, CRAPPY, NUTRIENT-FREE FOOD!!!! This is not a difficult concept. He ALSO read to me every night, despite having what I now realise was a very grueling day at work just to put said healthy food on the table. I didn't get to watch TV or play computer games (edu-tainment, the only kind I was allowed) until after all my homework was done. I can't remember if I was a particularly active child, but I'm sure I had the OPTION!!!! TO GO OUT.

Meanwhile, when I was at various stages of my life, I met kids whose parents shunted them from guardian to guardian because they didn't want to deal with them, kids whose parents were kind and supportive but rubbish at enforcing discipline, kids whose parents were abusive in every kind of way, and kids whose parents did their best.

You know, I wasn't raised perfectly. My upbringing lacked social grace and included some toxic ideas about womanhood that I've only been learning to overcome recently in my adulthood. But DON'T FUCKING ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RAISING KIDS JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY. I have my own life, the lives of my peers, and a wonderful online community of new parents raising children in kind and socially aware ways, to draw inspiration from. I can go to any one of them, and to my own parents, and ask "hey does X seem weird to you?" And they'll give me their honest opinion, which *is valuable*. I have even mapped out a general idea of how to get through some parts of my children's lives, and I'm not even planning to have kids for at least another few years. I mean, honestly, it used to be "I don't want kids ever", but dear gosh, if I can have any part of raising someone in a manner that defies procrastination culture, entitlement culture, and everything wrong with the way my husband and I were raised, maybe it wouldn't be a complete horror. If I can ensure that not all hope for the next generation is lost, hey.

Anyway, I've gone off topic...

I also had some issues with the men. Man B just didn't seem to like anything ever. I had no idea what Woman A saw in him. I remember one time he tried to tell me, a Christian, that I can't tell people what a "real Christian" is because it ~invalidates their identity~. Excuse me, no. It doesn't work that way. There are things that Christ taught, and anyone who blatantly goes against them IN THE NAME OF CHRISTIANITY, IS NOT A REAL CHRISTIAN. And yes, I realise this entire rant has been very judgey and technically I'm not supposed to do that either, but it's not like I'm saying they're going to Hell. Just that their kids are going to be sluggish and stupid, and I can't understand how these people have the gumption to try to lecture anyone else about life when they're not even TRYING to get their own lives together.

Yeah so they tried to lecture me about how I was "letting" Loki mistreat me and how I cared more about "socializing" with my estranged husband (I have separation anxiety) than helping around the house e_e They also implied I used depression as an excuse to be lazy.

Man B was supposedly "super employable." Well, okay, even though his "job hunt" seemed to consist more of sitting around playing video games, he was larger than my father (who is 6 ft tall with a protruding gut and weighs 240 lbs at last count) (My father and I are both 60 lbs above our ideal weights. But we're working on it!), and never seemed to get past the phone-screening process.

Now, Woman A told me that Man B was looking for work and that her family and some friends looked down on him for being a freeloader. Probably because she was anxious about me thinking the same. But here's the thing: I wouldn't have cared. Honestly. If you want to sit around playing games all day in your married girlfriend's apartment with her and her husband playing video games all day, go right ahead. If you want to bake three potatoes at a time and take them back to your room for a snack, hey, more power to you. But don't piss out the window and call it rain.

I don't care how employable you are, where you live, who you're living with, or what your lifestyle is like. It doesn't affect me in any way. But don't act like you're doing something you're not just to appease someone's judgmental family. That doesn't ever end well.

Now, see, I clearly have a problem with people who do that. I don't hide many aspects of myself, though I will refuse to answer a question if I feel it's none of someone's business or if they're just asking it to be a judgmental asshole. I refuse to compromise myself or my safe space to accommodate someone who can't make peace with who they are. Hell, you know me! You know my show!

Wait, this is Tumblr, so you might not know my show. It's a YouTube storyboard dedicated to processing and mocking some spiritual and psychological abuse I've undergone in my life. On Facebook, it was one of the things I was known for at the time because I was constantly posting clips and art, and trying to recruit voice actors.

I sell anyone out who I catch lying to me about anything! That's nothing new! And these people knew that about me. For SEVEN. FUCKING. YEARS.

So anyway. Woman A has a lot of great short term goals but no actual follow through because "I'm just not in the mood right now." No judgment there. I've totally been there. The only problem is when it gets ME in trouble.

"Let's walk the dog." "I'm not in the mood." Okay, then the dog doesn't get walked because I can't figure out my way around the place alone.

"Let's do the dishes." Woman A doesn't let me know when the washer stopped. Okay. Then the rest of the dishes don't get washed.

"Let's take the kids outside." "No I'm too tired." Okay, then they're going to be RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT SCREAMING WHICH MY EARS CANNOT FUCKING HANDLE so bye I'm just gonna borrow your room and isolate myself for a bit.

"Let's go to the gym!" "Maybe later." But later never comes.

Do you see where I'm going here? As for the men, they BOTH complain that they're "doing too much" around the house. Okay, probably fair for Man A, who works full time and deserves to come home to a clean house. But Man B. Wtf. You literally do nothing, except when you do, and when you do, we're meant to throw you a parade? That's not how adulthood works, or so I've heard.

Note: All three of these people are older than me. I was 24? at the time, fresh out of trade school, on my own for the first time in my life. (Maybe 2nd? I ran away when I was 17 but ended up with my grandparents so idk if that counts.) Woman A was 26 at the time and had been married since 2008, had experience with office work and parenthood, etc. Both men were older than her. I was a chronological adult with the life experience of a teenager, so I felt comfortable saying that.

So did I mention that I'm sleeping in the living room during this stay? And the adults don't go to bed until like 2 AM, which means, because of my disability, wherein I cannot sleep if there's any sort of non-ambient noise, *I* don't get to sleep until AFTER 2 AM. And the kids? They come in the living room screaming at 6 AM. Yep. Okay. Living on 4 hours of sleep, for the mathematically challenged. That and dealing with the emotional turmoil of being separated from my husband when I've got high separation anxiety in the first place. All my pain, everything, it's up to 11. and I'm supposed to contribute but there's not really anything that allows me to contribute.

So what do they do? They ambush me. Call a "family meeting" to tell me absolutely everything that's wrong with me, after WEEKS of telling me what a big help I am and how grateful they are to have me around. Tell me I'm letting my "social life" get in the way of me helping around the house. Hmm. Social life. You mean, VENTING IN MY SAFE SPACE (Facebook, no names named) AND TRYING TO MEND THINGS WITH MY HUSBAND??????????????? Okay. Well since you guys treat your woman like shit, you clearly don't understand or appreciate devotion to one's spouse. Seriously. Woman A told me she used to have extreme separation anxiety with Man A, and that he would brush off her emotions as irrelevant. Her solution was to make it a poly relationship and take a lover WHO TREATS HER THE EXACT SAME WAY. I'm serious. She got no emotional support from either of them. They basically just threw pills at her and trained her to lie down until her feelings went away.

And she had the gall to lecture me (24 at the time) about how Loki (19 at the time & from a pretty horrific family) treated me. LOL ok. Log. Splinter.

As she knew, I'm monogamous. I do have some opinions on polyamoury based on individuals I've gotten to know who are in those types of relationships, but those opinions are irrelevant to this series of rants. Except one, which is pertinent: if you're going to take another lover, they should provide something that your existing lover(s) don't. If you're suffering from low emotional support and you just find someone else who doesn't emotionally support you and who treats you like a child who can't be trusted??? What are you even DOING? Like, she told me NEITHER of her men trust her judgment. What the fuck is a relationship without trust? And don't even try "dick too bomb" as an excuse when you tell me you haven't gotten laid in months and your husband is using your condoms on Woman B.

They don't support you. They don't trust you. And yet YOU'RE telling ME that things with my husband won't get better unless I follow your lead and take another lover? HELL TO THE NO. My husband has his faults, but if I tell him Person X can be trusted, he believes me.

Except for his ex-girlfriend whom he tried to add to our relationship when he tried to be poly, months later. That went Badly.

Or maybe he just knows I'll deal with them myself, with my hot, hot temper, if they turn out not to be trustworthy. He also doesn't treat me LIKE A CHILD. And while I sometimes point at things and make small motions when I can't physically talk, or sometimes even use baby talk when I'm feeling cutesy, I DON'T POINT AT A PIECE OF PAPER AND GO "THE CARRRRRR!!!!" IN AN INCREASINGLY HIGHER PITCH BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY, "Honey, I think we missed the car payment this month. Can you double check while the agent has you on hold, please?"

Okay, being a dick about losing words due to stress was not my finest moment, but at the time, I was just so appalled by how they treated her and how she allowed them to treat me.

So basically these adults who are nowhere near having their lives together, and aren't even really trying, put me on blast for not having everything running perfectly when THEY expected it to.

Let's reiterate. I couldn't get a job because I had no ID or social security card. I was waiting for them to be returned to me. I couldn't walk the kids or the dog, go to the gym, or complete all the household chores because no one would guide me. I need that guidance because of various components of my disability, which I really hate admitting to because I'm super fucking prideful, but I figured hey, she's not neurotypical either. These people will understand.

Their response when I brought this up? "You're an adult. You should know better." Sure, okay. But you should know that a child ought to be potty trained before he turns 5, or even 3; that kids need to run around, are entitled to their parents' attention and consistent discipline, and need!!! healthy!!!! food!!!!

Oh, discipline! So, she would send Older Boy to his room over misbehaving. But rather than enforce time-out, she'd go, "oh, I think I'm being too haaaard on him," and just... Relinquish. He's not about to learn anything that way, ma'am.

They called me trying to reconnect with the person I love more than almost anyone on this earth "obsessing over your social life". Well again, you treat your woman like shit, so MAYBE my undying devotion to the person I love goes a LITTLE bit over your head.

They told me that the household should be my first priority. Except no, because I am an autonomous person and my FIRST PRIORITY is, was, and ever has been the love of my life, whomever that may be at the time. That is 70% of my personality. I'm pretty sure anyone who had ever met me can vouch for my extreme devotion, and this woman had known me for SEVEN. YEARS. I'm not going to throw away 70% of myself to do an impossible task that no one will help me with.

They told me a lot of things I wasn't doing right, and for those of you who also struggle with anxiety and depression, you know that being told for weeks that everything is okay and you're so great and so helpful, and then being told that you're rubbish at everything... You know that that is hurtful. Devastating, even. I wanted to kill myself. I said that. I said that and expressed my feelings about some other things, in my safe space, without naming any names.

And even though I was posting in my safe space, I was polite about it. I was as gentle and rational as possible. I wasn't calling anyone out. Not like I am now. I wasn't trying to lead a witch hunt. I was just overwhelmed and trying to express my feelings. Trying to get myself not to kill myself. I had to tell myself over and over again that it's not what Loki would want for me.

In the morning, they woke me up and kicked me out. Said it was rude for me to say I don't care about their household. I never, NEVER said that. I said "Loki is my first priority." Something along the lines of "that's just how I am and I shouldn't be vilified for it." That doesn't mean I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. IT JUST MEANS THAT MY PRIORITIES WILL *NEVER* BE WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS THEM TO BE. I AM A PERSON. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT TO PRIORITISE, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I MEAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. MY NAME IS *SIGYN*. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES EXPECT?! WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU HAVE FELT THREATENED BY ME SAYING ANYTHING IF I DIDN'T NAME NAMES AND WAS ACTUALLY RATIONAL? IF YOU SAW THIS, *MAYBE* YOU WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PISSY, BUT NOT THEN!

They kicked me out after having asked me to buy them all food. I had used up all my food stamps. Because I hadn't anticipated this at all. I hadn't known they would take such offence to my existence, to my ways. To the fact that I value the man I married more than I value... Whatever they wanted me to value, I guess.

Fun fact: I ended up in a women's shelter after this, and one woman told me to actually kill myself because she was tired of hearing me cry at night.

They said I hadn't made any effort to get my life on track. Because I can just snap my fingers and make my ID appear. Because I can just manifest the money for a replacement. They said all these things that left me almost unable to breathe, in retaliation for me posting that I was suicidal.

Later, Woman A told me that this had been a long time coming and that they were trying to make room for Woman B and Woman C, both of whom were willing to have sex with the men, which is something that I would not. I feel the first woman I met at the shelter was accurate when she said they basically kicked me out because I wouldn't sleep with them.

I also later found out that my ID and SS card had been returned to sender. The Portland PD called me and told me. So my father came to the conclusion that the people I had been staying with sabotaged me from the start. For a while, I didn't feel it, but last night I dreamed about it, and the dream made me angry. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And I really had to get all this off my chest, so for those of you who didn't immediately whip out your tiny violins, thank you.

#ableism #depression #rejection sensitive dysphoria #sensory sensitivity #child neglect #child abuse #resource insecurity?#i forgot about the part where someone tried to mansplain Christian gatekeeping to me #emotional abuse #polyamory but make it toxic #suicidal ideation

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fissart · 6 years ago

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Old art done back in December/January, but still Valid.

Some drawings of my babiesssss!!!

I apologise I've been off for a while, a mixture because my computer was bust for a long while and because I keep forgetting to upload here on Tumblr!

But hello I'm back *dramatic gestures* and these are my ugly, troubled children. They're from some books I've been writing for the past three years, called "The Thorvendor Chronicles" (or just TTC).

On every other social media I have, I'm none stop talking about them, but I've realised I left my lovely Tumblr folk in the dark about my babes.

So here they are, I'll give a general view of who my babes are and talk about them more in later posts (because BOY HAVE I PAINTED A LOT SINCE Y'ALL LAST SAW, IM SORRY IF I SPAM!)

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So what is TTC about you ask? Well it's a gothic, fantasy, period drama, in which my band of misfits get themselves into all sorts of trouble, in the world Andium.

Introductions! (This is spoiler free, so if I'm talking about some characters back stories and not others, its because I don't want to spoil anything). ^^ enjoy.

Fabian, he's 35 year old Henvro (a species of my design, I'll ramble about them later) and my main character in TTC, he is the head of the royal guards in the human capital city of Novian, which means he controls majority of the human empires military. He is a kind and reserved man, who works hard and is polite to everyone he meets. He's a bit of a lonely fellow, on account of his slightly awkward demeanor when in social situations, annnndddd the fact that his appearance, being a Henvro, is off putting to them racist humans and other species that reside in the city. So, as a result he lives alone in his humble town house near the city centre.

Arwen, at 28 years old, he is second in command of the royal guards and partner to Fabian in the military, unlike Fabian, he is an actual celebrity, an icon for fashion, and freedom of speech, and considered far ahead of his time. He is a celebrity of questionable origin, however, rumoured to have got his first fame "performing" in night clubs as an entertainer, the loud, confident and an intelligent individual is always the centre of attention, and if he isn't? Well, he will do anything in his power to make sure it is!

Phoebe, is 26 years old and is currently in training to be a field nurse in the army, she's a obnoxious, hyperactive, selfish young women who thinks little of others feelings. Close friends with Fabian and Arwen the three spend a lot of time together off duty, both boys becoming well acquainted with her eccentric lifestyle and spoilt brat behaviour.

Kayla, a stern and cold women, with a very masculine presence, also of the age of 26, is both Phoebe's boss and soon to be, sister in law. Kayla is an incredibly intelligent and logical individual, who waltzed her way to the top of the medical field and became the first female doctor in Novian at the age of 20, being stationed as assistant to Sir Welth, a Doctor who ran the royal academy of science and magicology, her thirst to learn about the field of medicine, surgery and alchemy was all quenched by his side. But upon Doctor Welths death, he requested for the young Kayla to take his position as head of the Royal academy and hospital. Followed by some uproar and discourse about it, everyone eventually approved of her being stationed as the head of the academy and hospital. Few years on, through the struggle, she had earned the respect and recognition she deserves, through her professional and reserved attitude, her workaholic life style finally payed off, but at the unfortunate price of her social life and lack of any kind of companionship.

Kayrus, he is 28 years old, older brother to Kayla and Phoebe's fiancé, he works as a barber surgeon in the slums of the capital city, unlike his qualified and knowledgeable little sister, Kayrus is a self taught surgeon (and Barber) who owns a practice with his assistant, Neo. Kayrus is a large, generally quiet man, who naturally has an intimidating presence. Cursed with terrifying, unpredictable mood swings, it's left him the nasty reputation of being "unstable" and said to be a perfect candidate for the mad house, but anybody who actually knows him, knows that's not the case, he's a caring, sickly, man with a passionate heart for both his fiancé and for the love of the arts. He takes his work seriously and lives frugally with Neo, away from the glitz and glamour of the centre of the capital.

Neo, a frail human who's 24 years old, living with their master Kayrus. Neo tends to say very little and enjoys to just observe others, very emotional and what they lack with intelligence they make up for in their streetwise behaviour. Working as Kayrus sister is the practice, their job is to clean the instruments and tools, dispose of any limbs that are amputated (or a body if a surgery goes wrong) and or keep everything as orderly as possible for Kayrus if not being his delivery and errand runner.

Raymond, at 39 years old, a doctor and assistant to Kayla, he is a very friendly man by nature. He tends to get on Kayla's nerves a lot as he finds himself rather attached to her... Some might say that he takes romantic interest in her (but believe me, she ain't having it and makes sure things are ALWAYS professional between the two of them and nothing more).

Ava, a cocky young Henvro women at the age of 33, she has no time for anybody and won't hesitate to sass you if she pleases. With a vulgar sense of humour and crude euphemisms, she equals Arwen with inappropriate conversations. With a lively sense of adventure she tends to hang around Fabian when she can, encouraging and teasing him to rebel and have more fun rather than act his usual, mature, self. (He never listens... Sometimes >:3).

Clara, is a sweet young Lady who is only 20 years old, a true image of a Victorian upper class women, well mannered, smartly dressed and obedient.... Sometimes! Her instinct to investigate and explore new environments often gets her into trouble, she struggles to stay put and itches for obscure forms of entertainment, namely with Arwen. Her favourite past time is digging up the deepest and darkest secrets of everyone she encounters, not out of malicious intentions, I assure you, but to simply quench her own curiosity!

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There's a little introduction to my main babies, I draw them a lot and I'm sorry I haven't introduced you all to them properly yet! Considering Ive had Tumblr for about 5 or 6 years, and had these babies for 3 years now, I'm surprised I've never really shared them. But there you have it!

My asks are always open if you have questions about them!!

#ocs #art #illustration #sketch #fantasy #ttc #the thorvendor chronicles #fabian #arwen #phoebe #kayla #kayrus #neo #raymond #ava #clara #victorian #gothic

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chimerafeathers · 3 years ago

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[long post]

been reading youtube comment arguments (mistake) about how g//enshin is a bad game with a bad bland story and simplistic gameplay and anyone who enjoys it is an inexperienced child, and h//onkai i//mpact is WAY better and g//enshin is just a passionless moneygrab

and i'd like to address all of those comments here without actually getting into a youtube comment argument bc that would be the biggest mistake of all (trying to censor so this doesn't end up in any tags either, hopefully i succeed)

first off: i'm free to waste my time on anything that brings me real joy and entertainment no matter how "bad" somebody else thinks it is. i'm allowed to have bad taste. we're all allowed to have bad taste. you don't need to be condescending about it. grow up and embrace the cringe.

i'm fully aware that the characters are tropey and the storytelling is hardly the most nuanced or thematically resonant and the pacing is all over the place and the plot is inconsistent. so? i enjoy cheesy anime bullshit. i shrug off plot holes. the characters are charming and--this is important to me--not hypersexualized at every turn. the fact that it comes across almost as a dating sim sometimes makes me laugh, and it never takes it so far that i feel skeeved out. it doesn't take itself too seriously and its humor comes across in the jokes it makes at its own expense. it has enough "dark" elements to offset the silliness and enough sincerity to make those moments hit often enough for me to be genuinely invested. there's more i could say here! which quests i thought were forgettable or had more obvious plot holes, which ones made me fall in love with a character, which ones made me roll my eyes, which ones brought me to tears. it's almost like.......a person can have complex and nuanced opinions about a thing they enjoy without declaring it unambiguously "good" or "bad" on a binary scale? wild

second: the "simplistic characters" thing. ppl keep saying that characters "only have 2 abilities" and are "too simple" as though passive talents, weapon passives, elemental reactions, artifacts, and 4-character team synergy aren't enough to manage. you know what "simple" is? accessible. n00b-friendly. casual-friendly. i'm sorry that y'all are Expert Gamers and yet this game caters to me and my skill level than it does to you and your expectations of 30-branch skill trees

third: idk how these people don't feel the passion in every note of the OST, or the thought and care carved into the landscape. i think the people who designed the cat shrine island were filled with love. i think whoever came up with the frog pedestal hidden in the depths of the Chasm couldn't wait for people to discover their little joke. maybe those commenters never watched the version update streams where the concept artists and developers themselves talked about how much research they did to make in//azuma feel visually diverse yet conceptually unified, from the texture of the stone to the type of tree growing in naru//kami shrine. there's love in every extra line of dialogue tucked into the character menus to let us get to know their history, relationships, interests, hopes, and personality far beyond what we see in quests. believe me, i've played bland, passionless mobile games before (and deleted all of them in short order), and this isn't what they look like. i'm so sorry that the only demonstrations of love you can imagine are character kits and the ever-elusive "endgame content."

fourth: "h//onkai i//mpact is better/has better cutscenes/has a better story." i juuuust barely reached chapter 9 recently after months of forgetting that i "should" play it because it's "better." and yeah, when i finally reached it, the CG kicked ass! it was really cool, with great animation and a character moment that hit decently hard.

but i don't feel like i really...know anyone? until that moment, the characters felt mostly like tropey plot/exposition machines in between samey combat levels with camera controls that fight you at every turn and movement that feels like you're running through water half the time. i kept losing interest and taking weeks to pick up the game again. i hate every time i have to get into one of those slow-ass mechs. not a fan of the space defender levels or the floaty, awkward platformer segments. many of the enemies & missions feel random and decontextualized from the story surrounding them (why did i have to defend supplies during an infiltration mission?). the homescreen UI is an assault on my eyes, as is the fact that i get pop-ups thrown in my face every time i open the game. there are approximately one thousand types of in-game currency at any given time and i have no idea which ones are "standard" and which ones are for events, or where to use them, or where to get them. i hate that stigmata, a type of equipment, just look like more characters, AND that you have to use the gacha to get that equipment. you have to go through 8 menus before you do ANYTHING.

i'm not saying h//onkai is a bad game. on a surface level, it just ain't my jam, fam. if i stick with it, though, it'll probably grow on me, especially if i go out of my way to watch character trailers or read the manga so i actually feel connected to what's happening.

but to be 100% honest, i am simply a bigger fan of fantasy/mythological elements than i ever will be of sci fi and mechs, even though i do enjoy both. g//enshin showed me a giant, six-winged, blue-green dragon within 10 minutes of opening the game and my whole brain got dopey with seratonin. there are gods and illuminated beasts, mischievous spirits and silly tanuki, elementals and giant snakes and ancient ruins and likely more to come with every new real-world culture they take inspiration from. on a level that is fundamental to my very being, i care about all of that SO MUCH MORE than robots and zombies!!! and for a lot of people, i'm sure the exact opposite is true and those people lost their dang minds about getting to shoot missiles in a cool chunky mech. some of my h//onkai nitpicks probably apply to g//enshin to some extent too, but i notice them less because i'm so much more excited about everything that surrounds them.

none of us are incorrect! we just care about different things!!! and that care applies to everything from story structure, to game mechanics, to combat, to the genre itself!

back to the cool CG for a sec tho: the thing about it is that a) it thematically and stylistically matched the rest of the game, and b) it didn't use the game engine. it was 2D anime-style animation.

g//enshin does not have any 2D anime-style animated cutscenes in the game (though it has a recently-released short animated story teaser). all of the major cutscenes that happen in the present USE THE GAME ENGINE, and the cutscenes that are retellings of past events are highly stylized animations that reflect the art and culture of the relevant region. i highly doubt this is a budget issue, or a passion issue, as those commenters claim. it sure seems like a creative choice to me!! maybe i'm wrong and we'll get dramatic anime cutscenes in the future, but honestly i feel like that style would be kind of jarring to see in-game, especially if it replaces what is usually a pretty smooth transition from gameplay to game-engine cutscene.

and the game engine thing is important to me!! i can't tell you how many times i've seen a genuinely cool promotion for a game that ends up looking absolutely nothing like how it was advertised, with gameplay that feels even more stilted and limiting as a result of unmet expectations. (looking at you, LoL. if only you were as cool as all your promo material.) but g//enshin really looks Like That ALL THE TIME, albeit with more canned animations in standard gameplay.

meanwhile, h//onkai's genre and environment are well suited to those flashy 2D animations IN ADDITION to having a game engine that (as far as i'm aware) is NOT well-suited to portraying complex character expressions or dynamic environmental interactions. i could very well be wrong about this (i'm not on the dev team! obviously!), but it's potentially easier/less expensive to animate a whole scene like that in 2D than it would be to make it look good in the game engine.

idk if h//onkai really is the company's "favorite child" or whatever but i'm preeeeeetty sure there are more factors deciding what format the cutscenes take than just "they like the other game better."

fifth: there were also comments that boiled down to "they make a lot of money so they should be able to just Instantly Get Good," which is both a supremely ignorant take and demonstrably untrue (see: every argument about recent pok//emon games). i mean, i don't really know how the game development process works, but i'm pretty sure it's not some sim game where you click a button to instantly upgrade all your employees so they can produce the next quality tier of products. shit takes time to create! people need experience! apparently it took the devs a long ass time just to make sure Chi//lde's flowy cape didn't break the fucking game! i know it feels like there are long stretches with nothing to do but realistically speaking these updates/characters/events are coming out at BREAKNECK speed.

lastly: there are tons of perfectly valid complaints about g//enshin! it is far from perfect. i'm not gonna defend the artifact grinding system bc the artifact RNG is an absolute endless nightmare, no question. and i agree that the endgame content is lackluster at best, though personally idk what form i would want ongoing content to take. randomly generated co-opable dungeons maybe? i dunno! i just know not everybody likes fishing and mining as much as i do.

there's also the issue of the "empty world," which is less a g//enshin-specific problem and more about the inherently transient nature of exploration--like alb//edo mentioned in a quest one time, actually: once the unknown becomes known, interest fades, and what was once exciting becomes boring. b/ot/w had the same problem (arguably to a greater extent), but it was less noticeable for a lot of people because the story had a finite end, whereas g//enshin is ongoing. i don't think there's a real solution to this; it's just the nature of an open-world game released in pieces. we will always consume content so much faster than the creators can research, design, program, test, and implement it.

that was a whole lot of rambling to no one in particular (well, multiple people in particular, but no one i want to actually talk to) but it all boils down to this:

if you do not love this game--if you find the story bland, the characters boring, the gameplay overly simplistic, the world passionless, and the endgame empty--why the FUCK are you in the comments of a video about it? how did you even REACH endgame if you were so fucking bored the whole time? did you really spend weeks, if not months of your life on something that you apparently view with nothing but disdain, enough to throw contempt at anyone who genuinely enjoys it? was there nothing you loved, nothing that captured your attention? is it really the g//enshin devs who are loveless and passionless, or are you just projecting?

#// long post #mypost #i don't remember how to put posts under a readmore and i'm too lazy to figure it out rn!#i'm sorry!#i just needed to get these thoughts out before they ate up my brain #really hope the slashes work to keep this out of any tags #also to continue on my one-off comment about hypersexualization #i've seen so many ''better gacha game than genshin'' recs and when i go to actually look at the games i am reminded of 2 things #1) they really are talking about the GACHA and nothing else. absolutely none of the gameplay or any other mechanics that i enjoy are present #and 2) oh yeah. i'm in cishet male territory. goddamnit.#even the silliest g//enshin character designs are downright classy and elegant compared to EVERYTHING ELSE #even h//onkai!!! bro//nya looks like a 10 year old but her ass crack is out in half her outfits #and in her standard battlesuit if you move around the level with her she tips forward #at an angle where you are basically forced to see up her schoolgirl uniform skirt #the worst in g//enshin is SO MILD in comparison it's unreal

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astromedea · 3 years ago

Text

Times Like These

⚝ Synopsis: A student transfers to Aliraei K's school and claims to his classmates to be interested in her.

⚝ Genre: romance

⚝ Note! (synopsis needs revision)

⚝ Masterlist

<<previous | chapter 1 | next>>

"Hey, Ali! You should really get a boyfriend, you know!"

"Hey, Ali, so when are you getting a boyfriend?"

"Ali!" "Boyfriend!"

Ali sprawls down to her armchair.

"Ugh, why is everyone pestering me to get a boyfriend today?"

"Haha, well don't you get pestered a lot for that?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't this bad before geez."

"Ali, oh my gosh you have to hear about this!!"

"What? Are you going to tell me to get a boyfriend too?"

"Oho~ Maybe?"

"Hah?"

"There's someone who I think is totally your type that's interested in you!! He's in the arts and design strand!"

"How did you even get to know that if it was way over there?"

The arts and design strand is a bit far from our building. How could a rumor like that go so far?

"Plus, my type? I've familiarized practically everyone's faces in campus already. How could I suddenly have someone I don't know as my type?"

The campus isn't too big and I've been in this school since the start of junior high, that's why I've come to familiarize with everyone already, especially someone who was in our batch.

"Well, my great friend. The thing is, it's a transfer student! Didn't you always wished that we'd get a transfer student because you keep complaining that you didn't have a type with anyone else here?"

"Well..."

"Oh hey, you guys. Talking about Ali's transfer student boyfriend."

We looked up at the ever so charming Pryce. Heh, well I do have a type here, he's right here now in fact. Ah he never liked me back though so I gave up trying.

"Wait, transfer student boyfriend...? You know about that too?"

"Well, duh, he's part of my group. Our entire group knows. We went to the arts and design building to pass the group project to sir. Wait, you guys haven't passed yet? Oho~ does that mean you're gonna see this transfer student yourself?"

"Hah? I—"

"Group 2! Let's pass our project!"

Ah frick.

"Goodluck hihi."

I stood up, ignoring them with their smirks and head straight out to the hall to meet my group.

"Alright, everyone's here. We're going to pass the project to sir since he's already at the Arts and Design building!"

"Um excuse me?"

"Yes, Ali?"

"I'm... my head actually hurts right now. Can you guys go on without me?"

"Oh really?? I'll get medicine for you when we get back since we'll just walk by the clinic!"

"Oh, you'd do that? Thank you so much! Uh here's where the project is. If sir doesn't have a laptop when you meet him, can you just let him keep the usb drive and tell him to return it back to our group on our next meeting with his sub?"

"Okay! Thank you, you can count on us! And rest well too!"

I got back in the classroom and plopped on my desk again.

"Hm? Why are you here? Isn't required for all members of the group to be there?"

"I told them my head hurts and I can't go."

"Wait. Does it actually? Or are you just making that as an excuse so you won't have to show up on their building?"

"Both."

"You want us to get you to the clinic?"

"Ah no need for that. Lia volunteered to get medicine for me when they get back. And hey, my head might be throbbing right now, but that doesn't I can't understand what y'all are saying. You didn't get to explain to me, Rhie when I asked you how did you guys heard about that. Did they see you guys around here?"

"Luckily we didn't. We caught sir before he could enter the class so his class doesn't even know that we were there. But after we talked to sir and was about to head out, we heard from their room right away your name. We did a little snooping and peeked what was going on and it was this transfer student saying he was interested in you!!"

Hm... weird.

-> -> ->

[In front of Arts and Design 1]

"Excuse me sir! Group 2 from STEM 1, here to pass our project, sir!"

"Ah come in, come in."

"Ooo they're students from STEM!"

"Dude do you want to introduce yourself to them? They might introduce you to her~"

"This is one step closer to seeing her heheh."

I wonder who they're talking about?

"Hm? Why are you guys only 6? Aren't you all supposed to be 7? Didn't I say the whole group should be hear when passing the project?"

"Oh right, about that sir, Ali's head hurts so she couldn't come with us."

"Ali?" The teachers eyes the transfer student which he catches on. "You mean, Aliraei K, yes?"

"Um yes?"

That seemed to have made the class we were in rowdy. Everyone was nudging the unfamiliar guy in his seat and telling him to take care of her and whatnot.

"I see. But could you tell her to come here when she feels better tomorrow at the same time? I need all of my students to approach me in passing the output, but for her, just tell her to collect a 1/4 sheet of paper from each group written with their members and contributions. You group should tell the class directly about the 1/4."

"Okay sir! Understood!"

"Okay, all of you can go now."

As we got out of the room, we hear the class even louder now. Everyone was thanking sir, probably because he made Ali to show up.

"Was that a transfer student? Never saw him before."

"Yeah, and he seems interested in Ali."

"Wow lucky Ali, he looked so good!"

"Oh they would look so good together omg."

"I wonder if Ali knows."

"Do they even know each other?"

"Hmm maybe."

"Hey you guys shouldn't gossip about this when we get to our building alright? Ali doesn't like it when she gets teased!"

"Can we at least tell them that there's a new student in campus? A good-looking one at that!"

"But wouldn't that just lead them to asking if he was interested in anyone?"

"Well then just let them do the work to ask him himself! Anyway, let's not forget to go to the clinic first."

-> -> ->

"Sir asked me to what...? thank you for the medicine btw."

"you're welcome! To hand out those 1/4 by tomorrow yourself!"

"Heeeeh, destiny really wants you to meet the transfer student, Ali. There's no escape~."

"I guess your headache had just probably made the situation worse."

"Ugh can't you guys go with me? I don't want to go there alone!"

"Hm I do want to know who this transfer student is. You guys don't know what his name is?"

"I don't know who he is but I kept hearing them call him I think Warren?"

"Yeah, Warren's his name. Do you know him, Ali?"

"No. I don't know anyone named Warren."

"Wait, you already know about it, Ali?"

"Yes! I told her myself! Which was probably a mistake because I know even with a headache, she'd still want to go if she didn't know there'd be problems there..."

"I told you not to tell her~"

"Geez I'm even thankful you guys told me or I would've gotten an even worse headache."

"Well, you better get well soon then. You'll be going alone there tomorrow, after all."

"Hah?? Can't you guys go with me??"

"Ah I remember now, we have vacant classes at this time that's why we could all go there but tomorrow it wouldn't be so we can't accompany you."

"Ah yikes, it's miss Decap too. She doesn't like it when the one who asks for dismissal are a group of people, even just a pair wouldn't suffice for ma'am."

"Ugh my head's hurting way more. I'm going to be absent this afternoon."

"Oh? Are you going to have a beauty sleep so you'd look good tomorrow for him—?"

I hit Rhie lightly on her shoulder.

"Ugh no, I don't want to prolong this so it's to make this over with as soon as possible. If I went to school soon, who knows how worse this headache would be especially that I'm already expecting his classmates to be really loud."

I really hope things would just be fast tomorrow.

⁑ Enjoyed reading? Continue to the next chapter or go back if you missed something here! ⁑

⚝ Ch 0 <- Ch 1 -> Ch 2

⚝ Masterlist

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murderingpieceofshit · 4 years ago

Text

The Wrath of God, Ch. 3: Losing it

by @finney13s

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: General, M/M Fandoms: Preacher (TV) Relationships: Proinsias Cassidy/EccariusProinsias Cassidy/Jesse CusterJesse Custer/Tulip O'HareTulip O'Hare/Eccarius Characters: Proinsias Cassidy, Eccarius, Jesse Custer, Tulip O'Hare Additional Tags: Angst, Gun Violence, Blood and Gore Author’s notes: This story is still evolving. Rating, warnings, characters, relationships and tags are due to change as the story continues so check them before reading.

“The Wrath of God” is the 2nd part of “The Chronicles of Cassidy and Eccarius”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

Chapter summary: The group manages to get to a motel for the night. And then things spiral horribly out of hand.

Read the chapter on AO3 >>

A short clip below the cut as the whole chapter won’t fit into one post here.

They stopped at a used cars dealer in the next town. They got out of the car and Cassidy popped open a large umbrella for him and Eccarius. Eccarius' eyes widened when he saw that the suitcase from the roof was gone. “This… this can't be real” he stuttered and tried to grasp that he had just lost the only clothes he had managed to get with him. “So it was the suitcase making the screeching sound” Jesse stated the obvious when he turned to close the car door behind him. “I should've listened to my premonitions and remained at home" Eccarius huffed and looked at Cassidy desperately. “Ay, hold on to your knickers” Cassidy tried to sooth Eccarius. “There's nothing we can do to fix it now is there?” “Obviously there is not, I know that! It doesn't mean I have to like it.” Eccarius snapped peeved. Then he pointed a finger at Jesse over the roof of the car. “And YOU! What were you thinking? That was a whole new level of incautious if I've ever witnessed one and I've witnessed quite a few during my time.” Tulip and Cassidy agreed and Jesse raised his hands in a surrendering motion. “Well I am sorry that I seized the day” he said displeased. “Jesse, you made us fugitives running from the law just like that." Tulip said furiously and snapped her fingers. "God knows we didn't need any of that. If it was just me and you I could've lived with it but you dragged Cassidy and Eccarius to this as well! Some friend you are!" Jesse looked at his feet and remained silent. “Did you even look at what's in the bag?” she continued. “Well, I think it's money” Jesse replied hesitantly. “Well go and check the bag then!” Tulip huffed.

Jesse grabbed the bag from the front seat and set it on the hood of the car. He zipped it open and stared at the contents baffled. “So what is it?” Tulip asked and walked around the car to see what's in the bag. Then she froze and looked at Jesse, saying: "Clothes. The bag is full of clothes." “Why would someone steal a bag of clothes?” Cassidy asked. “They're designer clothes” Tulip said taking a shirt from the bag and examining them closely. “This says it's Gucci. And this jacket is Armani. The rest seem to be same labels too. They fucking stole designer clothes. It must have been some kind of warehouse for a high fashion store.” She stuffed the shirts back to the bag frustrated and looked at Jesse angrily. “Well that sucks. What are we going to do now?” Cassidy asked.

Tulip shook her head and raised her hands on it, then shaking her fists at Jesse. “We need to ditch the car. Dammit! For clothes! Argh!" She turned and stomped to the car yard. “Well, we ain't got all day, y'all!” she yelled behind her.

Tulip turned down every and each suggestion of the sleazy salesman until he took them to the backyard. There was an old green Plymouth Roadrunner standing in mint condition with tinted windows. “Ain't this a beauty” she admired the car walking around it and checking the insides, forgetting the dire situation for a moment. “I'm taking this one.” No one argued. After all, she was the one driving. The salesman was luckily more than happy to make the deal without any papers and in a minuscule price as he got Tulip's Chavelle in exchange. Soon they were speeding away towards west.

They drove in silence as everyone was sulking. Eccarius was staring blankly at the scenery running by. "I really didn't need any of this, not now of all times" he thought to himself. Yes, he had done very bad things in his life but never had he gotten caught for any of it. Well, not before Cassidy. And now he was in this situation thanks to someone else. He was scared. Something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. What if all his crimes came out into the light if they got caught? He had just gotten on top of his addiction and now he was pushed into this mess, stuck in it without a way out. How would he cope with it? Could he? He felt the rage and the urge to pay back what had now been done to him burning inside and he had to fight to keep himself from acting on it. Finally Cassidy poked him on the shoulder. “Ay, penny for you thoughts.” Eccarius kept staring out of the window. "What do you want me to say, Cassidy? I just managed to get my problems in order somehow and everything looked better already.” he replied and continued mockingly: “But then this... this righteous man of God got a wonderful idea to stick his hands into a trap, I lost all the clothes I had and, which is even worse, I'm going to be hunted for stealing a bag of clothes yet I had nothing to do with it and I can't go back to my home now or maybe ever. I am walking on a thin line here" he said angrily. "Oy, don't blame it on me 'ere, it was all 'im. I'm as miffed about this as you" Cassidy replied. “Can we just stop pointing fingers” Jesse fumed from the front seat. “No we can't!” Cassidy said angrily. “Christ! God knows I'm someone who has no right to point any of 'em at anyone but you really screwed up this time! Big time. Me best mate!” Jesse stared at the road ahead saying nothing. “But ey” Cass said to Eccarius, “we now have clothes for you. The ones in the bag.” Eccarius looked at Cass opening his mouth to speak, then wrinkled his nose and sighed deeply. “How would you know if they even fit?” he asked displeased. “Well I don't but that's not the point. Isn't it at least something?” Cassidy replied, trying desperately to come up with anything even slightly positive from the situation. “Come 'ere you mope" he said and grabbed Eccarius pulling him in his arms. Eccarius laid his head on Cassidy's shoulder closing his eyes.

They drove the rest of the day just stopping for some gas. When it got dark they stopped at a motel. “Is it safe for us to stop like this?” Eccarius asked worriedly when they got out of the car. The motel was old and ramshackle. "I mean, either one of us could drive if needed” he pointed at himself and Cassidy trying desperately keep them not being forced to stay in this dilapidated building. “I'm tired, pissed off and I wanna sleep in a real bed” Tulip replied and shut the car door. “I've had enough excitement for one day.” Then she continued looking at Jesse: “And you and I ain't sharing a room.”

Read the full chapter on AO3 >>

#preacher #preacher fan fiction #preacher fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #proinsias cassidy #cassidy #cassidy x eccarius #joe gilgun #adam croasdell #eccarius #jesse custer #tulip o'hare #preacher amc #the chronicles of cassidy and eccarius

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