#i keep forgetting about this hellsite (affectionate)

[everlasting-elegy]

hello :)))

[puppy-phum]

tag game ✨

thanks for tagging me zey @thasorns ♥ i teared up at your addition about me, that is so sweet :( i miss our dff talks too! idk what you're into these days but would love to talk about some show with you again :')

-

1. why did you choose your url?

bc am obsessed with one (1) man who belongs to another amazing guy ♥ (been thinking about an url change lately tho bc i'd like to put last twilight and the hurt it caused behind me but haven't found something else to tie myself to yet. maybe we are and phumpeem if the ending delivers?)

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

not really. the only side blog i have is my og url vishcount saved for nostalgia purposes but there's nothing on that blog

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

started on this hellsite (affectionate) on the lord's year 2013 and it shows

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don't use the queue much so no. you will only catch me reblogging like ten posts in a row when am online/in the mood and then going back to lurking again

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? 

i was into a bunch of animes and tumblr was filled with amazing fanart. i wanted to be able to look at them in peace

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

to show who my url is about ♥ mork my beloved

7. why did you choose your header?

wanted it to fit the theme. also i adore the last twilight rooftop kiss, it's one of the brightest spots of the show

8. what’s your post with the most notes? 

most likely this the untamed edit from 2020. i was truly living my peak back then :'D tbh i feel like the whole of tumblr was living its peak when the untamed was airing and when we all lost it together for the longest time after

9. how many mutuals do you have?

way too many and i adore all of them, tho i probably forget or cannot recognize most of them. especially if you've changed your url/main fandom OR i have, we might not even know each other anymore haha

10. how many followers do you have?

more than i deserve and idk what all of you are even doing here but i like feeling like i'm part of some type of crowd ♥

11. how many people do you follow?

quite recently i unfollowed some inactive blogs and blogs about things i don't really care for anymore so my follow count is a nice number of 205

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

uh. i don't really know? do some posts from my finnish tumblr (suomitumppu) era count? :'D

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

am chronically online and i open this app like a fridge

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no, not really. am not really one to share strong opinions, especially negative opinions, publicly online which i think is the cause of most arguments ppl have here. i'd rather just keep my peace and be nice

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts 

mostly i don't like doing things when am told to do them

16. do you like tag games?

yes! it always makes me happy to know that someone is thinking about me and i do find these a lot of fun to do ^^

17. do you like ask games?

also yes. i just don't often reblog those bc i don't really have a lot of interactions on this site. if i find an ask game with very interesting questions, i might forward it to kiddo @i-am-just-a-kiddo and we do it together privately to enjoy it like that ♥

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

the first one that comes to mind is hanyi @ruanbaijie who i think deserves all the recognition for her absolutely amazing giffing skills ♥ she's also the sweetest so idk what's not to follow, make her even more famous if you can!

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope. idk if i function like that tbh. i have some huge friend crushes tho and want to be closer with some ppl a lot! not mentioning names bc am shy haha

but i want to say that monica @stormyoceans is very important to me these days. she brightens up my days and makes my whole fandom experience so much better by simply being her enthusiastic and authentic self ♥ never change!

and also jessi @oswlld who i still cannot believe is someone i can call my friend and bestie on this site. i am so happy we've gotten to share bad buddy, vice versa, and last twilight together! also happy to hear about your life at times and to just share silly things with you ♥

third one i want to mention is shannen @icouldhyperfixatehim who always manages to stand out in a positive way. we don't interact much but i cannot help but feel very giddy about their presence on my dash. they leave the best tags and every time they reblog any of my edits with their tags, they manage to make me feel like i've made it and my edit was worth the effort :'D so thank you!

20. tags?

want to tag at least @psychic-waffles @foxofninetales @hils79 @sherrymagic @srnileforme and @thitiponqs ♥ also the ones i mentioned before are free to join and anyone else who wants to do this!

[hermioneismyrealname]

Tomorrow (20221215) I have day one of my finals. It's maths.

Mood? Sleepy. Haven't slept in 2 days.

Reason? The last 6 hours I got, I woke up from a dream clawing at my arm and neck because I thought I was 8 again and what happened to me was happening again. SO SLEEP CAN GO FUCK ITSELF!

But after 11 am tomorrow, I will chugg 750ml of black coffee and sleep for 12 hours and start the marathon for biology (20221219), physics (20221221) and chemistry (20221222). Coffee stops me from dreaming.

Preparation? Maths can go to hell.

I've studied and I'm gonna study some more but once the paper is in front of me, the war begins against my brain as I try and pry the knowledge out from the anxiety filled trenches of my frontal lobe.

My body? My chest hurts like fuck.

I keep forgetting to breathe while I'm studying I don't know why. Also doesnt help that my glasses broke and I can't see shit so I'm hunched over my desk like a prawn and have my legs folded cause I'm gay af and can't sit on a chair straight by law.

Emotions? Currently numb.

I know this is going to change when I sit down in the exam hall. I'm just mentally drained. My sources of dopamine that I allow myself is this hellsite (affectionate), some one-shot fluff fics, writing drabbles and learning languages.

My goal? Do my best.

Imma be honest. I feel OK about what I know and I know I can do it, it's just my brain being an ass about it. That sack of flesh tells me to break my ankles for the heck of it, why should I listen to it?

Outcome? To feel proud enough so I don't feel guilty.

I feel guilty a lot. Survivors guilt and mommy issues. I overwork to overachive. I lay down on my bed and feel guilty i havent done enough when i just finished a 6 hour study session. Do more, my brain yells at me. So if I can come out of this like I did what I could, feeling less guilty, I'll be happy.

What do I want to do for the holidays?

Exam first and then think about holidays. But

I want to watch

Between Us (2022) ep 6 and 7

My 12 percent

Not me

Romantic Killer

Blood C

I spit on your grave

Goblin

Maybe rewatch Banana Fish

Space balls

I want to write

My drabbles

That Vegaspete fanfic I've been planning for a while now

That Sapphic story skeleton (idea struck me and I want to post it to *gags**barf**spits* wattpad

Begin copywriting because I'm a broke college student

I want to read

A curse so Dark and Lonely

And like the cycle of the year, we begin again (because it's my Christmas tradition)

Art of war

Maybe the wicked king, idk

I want to play

Minecraft

Potion craft: alchemy simulator

I want to learn languages

Japanese

Thai

Russian

Korean

Welsh

Latin

I want to random research

Anything

And then fritz case

I want to sleep.

I want to practice my forms in self defense. (Im probably shit by now)

I want to go rock climbing.

I want to go for a walk.

I want to talk to my friends and my crush that I've been ignoring for my exams, but like face to face, and give them a big ol hug even though I give really awkward hugs.

I want to eat broccoli and bread.

Didn't I mention sleep?

[itsza]

To everyone on this hellsite(affectionate) who is still keeping the tdj brainrot going, thank you so much. It's honestly a calm little space for me where I can just forget about everything and just chill for a bit and I love that. Thanks for creating and maintaining it.

[the-pale-goddess]

My dearest Hilde! I come bearing a small gift for you and your most wonderful fictional lady! ❤️

Despite not seeing you here as often as I used to, my day is immediately brighter whenever I see your posts on my feed. There are no words to express how much I admire everything you do! Your creative genius never fails to render me speechless. You always put so much into your content - hell, even reading your Ask replies often feels like reading ficlets!

I remember that a year ago, I was desperately searching for Ethan x Harper content while replaying OH. All the mentions of these two being exes made me wonder if someone tried to explore their romantic dynamics... and then I came across Noise of the Void and fell in love instantly with your writing. I binge-read all of your works in one night. Since then, I have never stopped loving Tiffany and Ethan, and any new content featuring these two beautiful people has been an absolute treat.

I have always admired your way with words and your talent for shaping your thoughts into sheer poetry. When I decided to give myself a try and join the fandom, I had a lot of doubts, and your support, encouragement, and advice helped me immensely. Simply put, you welcomed me into this community with open arms, and I will always cherish that so much.

You have the most beautiful soul. You are exceptionally kind, compassionate, and supportive. A year ago, I would not have believed I would ever get to know my fanfic heroine, but here we are now, and I am so deeply honoured. You are one of a kind, and it's such a pleasure knowing you. ❤️

P.S. - I hope you beat COVID soon and enjoy the rest of the summer!

This response has been sitting in my drafts for days now and I still haven’t found the right words to express my gratitude, loveliest Lin ❤️❤️❤️ Truth be told…I don’t think such words exist, so I had to force my post-COVID brain to try anyway kshkdbkdbd

It means absolutely everything that you took time to create this gorgeous edit for my beloved Miss Tiffany 😭 The way its aesthetic fits my blog (B&W vibes supremacy 🖤), that quote is 100% written for Tiff, and that photoshoot is one of my favourites from JL…I’m obsessed! This is such a thoughtful, generous and completely unexpected gesture, I’ll cherish it (and you) forever! My heart bursts with sheer happiness knowing that you still care about my babies even though I’m no longer an active participant in the fandom ❤️

It’s even harder to express my feelings towards everything you said, I’ve reread your message countless times—at this point I know every single word by heart and I sob all the same 😅 I can’t even begin to explain how moved I am to know that E&T bring you joy ❤️ Never in my wildest dreams did I dare to think that anyone would fall in love with my pointless word vomit, and you’re telling me that I’m your fanfic heroine? Excuse me while I scream about it from the rooftops until I lose my voice 😭😭😭😭 This is completely surreal, I’m shook and honored and at a loss of words, really! Sometimes I forget that Noise of the Void exists, so it feels extra special that this fic brought you to my blog.

Once again, thank you for this perfect gift, for your exceptional kindness, positivity and wisdom. You’re a true gem and your presence on this hellsite (affectionate) is a gift itself. Thank you for giving this fandom a chance and not giving up when things got tough. I’m beyond happy that you’ve decided to embark on this journey and shared your talent with us. The pleasure is all mine, truly! You fill this place with so much light, so keep shining, beautiful Lin. I’m sending you all my love ❤️❤️❤️

[olwolo]

Tumblr keeps hiding ur blogs notifications from me smh anyway I'm adoring the way you're incorporating like familiar color schemes on ur last posts!! The teal with wilbur, the flag colors with the tommy post and jubillee line colors on the reviedbur post 🗣 I'm in love 🗣 the last wilbur one is giving me so many feels but actually, the tommy one gave me goosebumps. The song choice is just SO GOOD! Do u have any more songs u relate to each character? Everytime I try to relate any character to a song it's always techno with muse and nothing else lol BUT I LOVE THE TOMMY ONE U POSTED!! And the figures u used !! esp techno and phil heh 🥰 nice, so nice 🥰 oh and about the Quackity lore, I've seen him talking in a stream that he likes those open lore streams because he likes reading theories and seeing people coming up with the ideas, so ig we will just keep breaking our heads to figure out or just read somewhere else (like I usually do lmfao) 🧨

hellsite (affectionate) but yeah i really like playing around with color palettes cause it makes coloring way more fun for me. i like seeing the theories around quackity’s lore too so like. understandable. and oh boy do i have songs that i relate to the characters. i’ll probably forget a bunch and some of these make more sense than others and some just give me the vibes but here: nine by sleeping at last, a deer mistaking candles for headlights by crywank for ranboo; body by sleeping at last for tubbo (the verses especially); this will end by the oh hellos, pliocene by cosmo sheldrake, east by sleeping at last for wilbur; linger a while by cosmo sheldrake, sorrow by sleeping at last, the ballad of g and x by grandson for tommy; pale white horse and theseus by the oh hellos, mars and north by sleeping at last, woodland by the paper kites give me like vibes for the plot in general and nie ma mnie by kwiat jabłoni has like Huge clingy duo vibes though i’m not sure if i could like translate it properly but i’ve been going insane over it since it was released shdjk

[amonthguessw1]

Holy shit tumblr you never notified me of this you prick!!! @soy-chiara tagged on this ask game I don't know how long ago and found it on accident while scrolling through her blog god I'm so sorry ajsjsjajsjs

Ok let's begin

Why did you choose your url?

It's a super dumb pun I came up with to replace my old nickname, my url says "I'm a Month Guess Which One" and my name is April, like the month.

Do you get it? (It's so stupid but I love it now)

2. Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Just one, @imamonthguessw2 (it had a different name before) that I used as my main WITHOUT realizing it wasn't for literal years. I plan on deleting it since it's useless to keep but I always forget

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I joined around my second year of secondary so I've been here for 4 years I believe?? Since 2017

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Gotta be honest I never knew what queue ment and I had to look it up just for this and the answer is no, I post whenever my braincells feel chatty

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Ok this has a story. So in 2017 I started reading Homestuck and found this artist that had a lot of cool drawings and comics!! (I don't remember their name but they moved out of that fandom a while ago) but they mainly used tumblr to post all their art. They also made fanart of a lot of the shows I liked at the time like Voltron and Steven Universe, so I eventually made an account to keep track of everything, ended up following a bunch of other people and never left this hellsite (affectionate <3)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a self portrait and the best one I ever made or ever will.

7. Why did you choose your header?

It's a collage I made some years ago and I still really like it!! Speacially the colors <3

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

Probably the one where I talk about taz eathersea and say ppl shouldn't be mean to travis bc of his campaign?? It has more than 200 notes, it's not much but it's more than the rest of my things. Other than that my nitw fanart has a 100 and something.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Idk numbers are a illusion my love is eternal and for everyone lov u mutis <3

10. How many followers do you have?

207 but probbably half are porn bots.

11. How many people do you follow?

917. It used to be more.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't think so bc I generally don't understand written humor so how could I?

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

Man idk sometimes its just a few minutes and others is multiple hours of scrolling while listening to music (like rn). If I had to sum all those times I guess around 4 hours?? It seems correct.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

No I'm terrified of conflict :)

 

15. How do u feel about “u need to reblog this” posts?

I don't mind them??? I know some people are bothered by them and I understand why, I just don't love them nor hate them.

16. Do you like tag games?

HELL YEAH!!

17. Do you like ask games?

ALSO HELL YEAH!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I have no clue but if any of you is you have to tell me

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nah I don't have a romantic crush on anyone, I just wish they were all my friends since everyone is so cool and nice

Everyone that I know here probably answer this already from someone else so I won't tag anyone, thanks again Chiara!! Sorry it took me so long :( ily

[hollowphobia-casual]

The Amazing World Of Friendship Part MMXIX, The Return Of The Rising Awakened Empire

It’s that time of year again! The time I let down my defences and expose my emotions bare to all my friends so that I may thank and gush all over them, because despite my cynical hate filled shell, deep, deep, deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down I’m actually someone who just wants to be loved, maybe.

But joking and honest truths disguised as jokes aside, there is something I would like to say, most of the time.., I feel like I have imposter syndrome, not regarding my art and my work, but with my friends! I have SO many wonderful friends and I honestly love them to bits and yet every year due to work, time zones, time schedules or just my inability to start a conversation I don’t get to talk to them or they go neglected for ages and I hate that so much about myself. My friends, all of them, are such wonderful people and they deserve so much better than what I give them, I love you guys, so very much..., I’m sorry for being such a terrible friend.

THAT SAID! It’s time to embarrass these lovely losers by letting them know just how much I care, kukuku.

@articbleu​ [Twitter]

Hah! Speaking of friends whom I’m constantly feel like I am neglecting, where do I begin without feeling like I’m treading over the same ground? You are one of the many artists whom I consider an inspiration, your dedication, drive and sheer will is aweing inspiring, like, I dunno if I can ever get over how much I think about it, I remember a time where we were both almost at the same level and now you are off doing who knows what, last I checked, you were studying in Korea, which is awesome, I’m so happy for you. But when ever I’m working and I feel like I can’t achieve, I look to you and tell myself, I can do better. I dunno if we’ll ever talk like we used to, so much time has passed since we last spoke, I dunno if we are the same people and there are times when I look back on my past, things I said that I regret and wonder if maybe you shouldn’t be my friend, not because I hate you, but because there are better people than me, who are more deserving of your attention, admiration and so much more, but regardless of what comes and what may happen, you have been or are, my friend and I love you, please, keep shooting like the star you are!

@nightmargin​ [twitter]

Okay, imagine this, so you met this cool girl who likes to draw weird, amazing and beautiful things on Deviantart, you enter a character tournament two with them, you chat about anime and stuff, then just a few years later THEY RELEASE ONE MOST ACCLAIMED INDIE GAMES KNOWN, like Whaaaaa-, there is not a day that goes by I don’t see One Shot stuff like, wha-, I dunno.., and she’s still making stuff it’s fucking incredible, WHY ARE MY FRIENDS SO TALENTED.., hah, go damit didn’t want to be melancholy.. ..,But like, shit, I just want to support my friends and let them know how much I give a shit, just how impressed I am, how happy for them I am but truth is I hardly get to see them, which is not your fault, you are making games, doing art, and having to be a social media presence, it’s exhausting, I understand, I just hope you know that I care still, that when I see your characters around the web, in fanart, in VRchat and other places, it makes me SO happy, I just want to hug you and let you know that you are doing an amazing job and that I couldn’t be more proud of you, I hope you know that.

@doodlediddy​ @doodledittydaisy​ [Twitter]

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Okay so, this is a friend where neither of us are to blame for staying out of touch because, HOLY FUCK YOU HAVE A BABY! AAAAA, you made a little person and they are so cute! On the rare occasion I go onto the hellsite that is Facebook, I get to catch glimpses of you and your lovely child, whom I terribly do not know the name or gender of A+ friendship right there, but yeah, GURL, you have an infant and they are precious, I don’t blame you for a second for not being in touch, it feels so weird, not too many years ago you were talking me off the ledge and then you got married, then you got baby fat AND NOT IT’S ESCAPE! I’m so happy for your family, fuck, that’s so weird, it’s YOUR family, not your family, YOUR FAMILY! AAAAaaaaa!

@mistercrowbar​ [Twitter]

I MET HER!, I MET HER!, I MET HER! No you guys don’t understand, I MET CROWBAR AND IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! We looked at beautiful lakes, we watched netflix, We ate burgers, looked at destroyed cranes, went to Ikea, watched more netflix, bought DnD stuff, ate more burgers, tried a beaver tail, more netflix, talked about lobsters and my little pony, looked at fossils, got mad at the ocean, yelled at drivers, more netflix… It was great, I loved it, would sleep on the floor again, 10/10. But Okay so I know that many people would think of Crowbar as intimidating, she’s not an emotionally open person I know, but to be honest it just makes friendship with her special, getting to know her on a level where you can read her is something that is truly treasurable and I’m so lucky to have that, she’s a unique person to love and that’s what's so great about her, she isn’t like everyone else, I wouldn’t change her for anything in the world…, okay maybe I’d allow her let me hug her more so I can tell her how great she is and she can’t flee, haha. I know I get on her nerves sometimes and I’m probably not the best friend on her list, I mean, I’m guessing, but considering how I measure up to some of the other people she knows, I can easily see that, I mean who knows thow, maybe I’m not a tier friend and maybe just a different friend and I just.., haha, I dunno why I obsess over this, how important I am to my friends, maybe because I just want them to be the happiest they can be and when I know I’m depriving them of joy, I question myself. But I am happy for what happiness I do bring to her, the moments I’m useful, when I am needed or just enjoyable company, those are the best moments for me, I’d give anything just to hear Crowbar laugh once every day, that’s how important of a friend she is to me.

@valbey-the-girl​ [twitter]

THIS ASSHOLE! Has been with me since I can remember, which probably annoys him, because I’m not the easiest person to friends with, specially of late, my mood has been all over the fucking place, I’m happy, sad, depressed, angry, frustated and yet he doesn’t complain…, that I know of.., and in return.., I send him lewd christmas gifts that make his parents question him and his life choices. Haha, friendship. But honestly, I like that about him, he’s one of the true people I know that makes me feel like we have a ‘normal’ friendship, we are not overly affectionate, we can speak openly to one another and we don’t like all of them same things and all I want to do is make him laugh and find a game that I’m good at and that he sucks at, because god damit, he seems like he’s an expert at everything, fuck you! I know times right now are tough for you, I can’t imagine it’s easy, shits going down at home, work and there is some asshole asking if your free once every Saturday so you can pretend to be a dwarf, just know if you need anything, you can always ask me, you’ve been there for me, don’t forget I’m here for you.

@dansome0203 [Twitter]

Don’t say how you are terrible friend because you haven’t been talking to him much, you say it every year, Don’t say how you are terrible friend because you haven’t been talking to him much, you say it every year, Don’t say how you are terrible friend because you haven’t been talking to him much, you say it every year,... -checks Script- “I’m a terrible Friend..” FUCK. -inhale- The man I look to for inspiration on cute girls and large boobs! God, I only really got to know this guy at the tail end of my Deviantart carrier before the big move to Tumblr and even then it was less a ‘WE ARE FRIENDS SWORN TO A BLOOD OATH’ and more me oddly poking him now and again, trying to start a conversation failing miserably, a tradition that would continue for about…, nine years…, nine years.. God I am a terrible friend. But enough about my inability to simply converse with people, what can I say about this Dan, he’s fucking great to start with, on the odd times I do actually get to talk to him I know he is nothing more than a chill dude who creates a lovely and warm atmosphere around him that draws people in, he has a fantastic sense of humour which is only equaled by his creative flair, no I’m not talking about the boobs, but more his designs for his characters, colour choices and so much more, I am honestly not joking when I say that I look at this guys work for inspiration from time to time, because I find his designs just that appealing and insightful. I would love for nothing than to just sit in a call with this guy and talk shop, or talk, or anything…, I wanna love you Dan, let me love you!

Gwyn Graham

And right of the gates… I FORGOT WHAT THERE TUMBLR USERNAME IS GOD DAMMIT! So for once me being a bad friend is entirely my fault!, we’ve always had a rocky time zone/schedule conflict even when we use to play DnD with each other, because life sadly, is not easy, fuck I wish it was. But also sadly I dunno what you’ve been up to, I dunno how you have been. I hope you are well and happy, did you get date? Are you on the lamb for murder? Who knows, but I like to think you are happy, I hope you are, I wish that you are.

@taplaos @tapliciousart [Twitter]

I bought three shirts from you and my father ignored the washing instructions so they are now basically ruined.-sigh- That said they are some amazing fucking shirts, so gonna try and be less of a downer here, but yes, like most of my friends, I am terribly out of touch with this wonderful person, HOWEVER, they have been fucking busy, designing some of the sickest Pokemon related merchandise I’ve ever seen, two things immediately come to mind when ever I see their amazing work up on my twitter, one… Why have Nintendo/Game Freak issued a take down notice and second, WHY HAVEN’T THEY HIRED YOU and I don’t mean that in a fanboy sort of, I love you pay attention to me sort of way, I actually mean that, your designs are so appealing, humorous, creative and at the same time, family friendly, like, there is such a demand for Pokemon related merchandise and you are just popping it out like nobody's business, christ, you are too good at this, it’s why I really need to sit down and talk to you about helping me design T-shirts at some point. Honestly, if you haven’t, go check out their stuff, seriously, do it, DO IT NOW!

@tuz-ohtopia @dm-tuz [Twitter] [Patreon]

When I started out I was ‘aware’ of Tuzzy, but I didn’t really know him, it wasn’t until I started getting involved with DnD that I started to know him and that was because he was the DM of my two other friends, so sadly I can never say that me and Tuzo have had the strongest of friendships. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I dislike Tuzo, I think the guy is great, the times we’ve actually spoken it’s been fantastic and talking shop with him was always a highlight, but it just.., amazes me, how I guy I barely knew went from a simple background presence to almost being everywhere I look. For you who don’t know, Tuzo is now a DM for hire and even has a Patreon where he offers up custom monsters, tiles and such, it’s so amazing to see how far he has come, it’s great, even if he has an unhealthy obsession with a lesser version of DnD, haha. I’m so proud of him and his unbound campaign is so enjoyable, experiencing it though his players is incredible and the assets he creates are outstanding, I just wish I had his time management, because I can not create assets to the same level or detail he does. This man has inspired me as a DM, an artist and a creator, and I don’t know if he is even aware that he has done that, Tuzo, keep doing what you're doing, because it’s amazing.

@nickala [Twitter]

Nicki’s Twitter describes her as a wannabe concept artist and an actual scientist and I’m probably the reverse haha, a wannabe scientist, god I love Nicki’s job, I really should talk to her about it, but then again I dunno how much of it she is allowed to openly discuss, she is after all handling human remains, so… I’ve mentioned it before, but I love Nicki, she makes life, make sense and it’s great, but more importantly than that, she’s just.., fantastic, funny, caring, but human. Like she feels so relatable with how she expresses herself, everything comes with a little frustration, a little guilt and honesty, which might sound like a weird thing to admire, but there are so many people these days who want to be fake, they want to be these, ideal versions that don’t exist, trying so hard and it becomes, exhausting and almost impossible to talk to them, because they wear a mask and you don’t know what their true intentions are. But not with Nicki, they talk and you can feel that raw emotion, it’s so satisfying to read text, to hear a voice and just know the complexity of a person, it’s refreshing and I cherish it.., even if I don’t talk to them that often.., I’m a sham of a friend -cries-

@mortooncian-art [Twitter]

I just met this lovely gal this year and…, I’m as bad with talking to them as I am with Dan…, I hope it doesn’t continue for about nine years…, I don’t want to be awkwardly skirting conversations at 37.

Sadly I can’t say much of them as a person, mostly because I’ve only really gotten to meet them this year, the aforementioned being a terrible person/friend, but I can talk about what drew me to them, because I was always aware of Thren? Mortoon?...uh.. Oh god I dunno what to call them..FU- I had always been aware of them since Deviantart and their art was appealing I just never made the leap to try and talk to them, because COWARD, it wasn’t until sometime last year, I can’t recall who but someone was reblogging their work, I believe it was Dan or Calien, it was from his DnD session and her little tiefling was just.., so..fucking CUTE! I loved her and wanted to know so much about her and looking into her work I found more and more cute loveable characters, and I dunno how to describe it, but her art just has this beautiful, cute and sexy charm to it that makes you just want to.. LIKE AND REBLOG IT… So after that, I just wanted to get know her, it seems so stupid thinking about it, liking someones art you think to yourself, hey I want to know this person on a personal level and maybe talk to them! And then, you get it and you clam up due to your social awkwardness and inability to manage a time schedule, haha.. But yes, I’m so glad I’ve been given a chance to talk to her, maybe if time allows it, I won’t screw it up in getting to be her friend.

@clauseart [Twitter] [Webcomic]

Yes, my fellow british artist whom I constantly compare myself against to measure my self success and my constantly conclude my lack of value… ...That’s not a joke I really do do this. Enough about me, I’ve mentioned it before with a few.., or most.., artist here, met on DA and look at where they are now, this girl, this them, this BEAST, started out with a crazy pinwheel and appearing in almost every OCT (Original Character Tournament) you can think of and now, they have an amazing webcomic about an amazing buff ginger and a kid whom I dislike (I’m sorry, I just wanna punch him,). Also a DnD character who seems from a distance seems like the drunk aunt who hates her family children.., I dunno I know nothing about their character and I really should ask someone, but if I’m right I want a gold star. But regardless, I am so proud of them, their creativity and artistic skill seems to have nothing but skyrocketed since the end of the OCT era of our lives and the dawn of tumblr, not to mention the just general progression of their comics, which I will leave a link to and if you don’t read this super funny and amazingly well drawn comic I will.. I really want to say more about them, I do! Sadly, I consider myself a friend, but I dunno if I even have that right, our friendship was very, distant, not in a negative way, but more like someone you chat to in a tescos (For any curious americans think Walmart), and now, I feel like I’m just a one man cheer squad. And honestly, I am okay with that, I get to see them improve and feel proud for them and they have a wonderful life as it is, what's more to want?

@lou0 @hunnylou0 [Twitter]

Lou has been one of my longest…, acquaintances? Okay I’m not saying that Lou isn’t a friend, I mean, I consider her a friend, but I’ve known her since I rejoined DA under the name Clockworkable, since then she’s been a source Joy, laughter, inspiration and to some extent a free expression, but, I could never feel like I was her equal or at least a friend, we were never close, despite how I tried to be.., she’s a difficult person to talk to, which isn’t her fault! Nothing ever seems to go her way, which.. Pisses me off so much, because she’s just a nice, beautiful and kind person who just deserves nothing but affection and I’d love to give it to her, even if it’s just a hug. But I know it can be hard.. That said, I’ve gotten the chance to really talk to her, getting to know her, the true her and it’s as wonderful as you’d think it would be, she is a true expression of her art, joyful, cheeky, funny, playful and kind, sweet, brutally honest, but that’s never a bad thing in my books. I dunno even now if I’m a good friend to her, I dunno if she’d even think of me as one, but I am happy that I’m a little bit here for her, more than I was before, I just want to make her happy.

@sunshinedrago [twitter]

Don’t be friends with this woman, it starts off small like “Oh, would you like to play Final Fantasy XIV?” and then the next thing you know your talking to scottish fairies and questioning your life decisions. I met this crazy spanish.. “ITALIAN!” Italian woman about three.., maybe four years ago? I can’t even remember how we met, like I know we met because we needed someone for a DnD game, but I can’t recall if it was me she contacted or someone else, haha, I’m getting old. Either way it doesn’t matter, because I’m so happy that I did, she’s encouraging, kind, sympathetic, honest and joyful, but more importantly realistic and down to earth, this woman is not a pity party and has introduced me to some of the most important anime and shows I could imagine, as well as help fueled my addiction to some games, a few years back I’d never played an MMO and now look at me...a broken shell of my former self…, obsessing over loot drops and glamorous for a fictional 3D bunny girl…She’s also one of my more active and talkative friends, which helps with my crippling depression haha, I dunno what else to say, It’s not like there isn’t a lot to say, just that I’ve said it over and over again, she’s a great friend and someone I wish I knew sooner, she feels like a friend I’ve always had, but I only met three years ago. Yeah.

@jabbage [Twitter]

What can I say, Smart, dedicated, driven, focused, talented, learned and amazing… ...Yep…, not just saying that because I am terrible friend…, not another example of not staying in touch with people, made worse by the fact they live in england…, nope…, are you buying it yet? I want to talk about how they inspire me, how they fuel my motivation, but sadly I have to just slap myself and twitter, because GURL never appears on my dash, but just.., THEY’VE WRITTEN SO MANY STORIES! H-how! I just.., I can’t get one webcomic done, I am so proud of her because of this, I should just be able to say that, but I don’t want to, I mean I do, I am proud, but I always want to talk about them as a person, I wanna mention times they’ve made me laugh, made me smile, but there is only a fleeting moment in a minecraft server sometime ago and… I am so sorry, for being a bad friend, but you don’t really need me to enrich your life.., JUST LOOK AT ALL YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED! You are so amazing, one woman army, just AAAAA, so great! I love it, I love you, keep being amazing!, don’t stop! Burn bright, burn far and burn hard! Go!

@flunafloon [Twitter]

I can’t say how much of a bad friend I am again.., please, she deserves better than me, here is the link to her Etsy store.

@daco-taco [Twitter]

God I have a bleeding heart.., I say because I don’t really know Daco, hell I dunno if I even register as ‘friend’, I’ve followed them since Deviantart and I loved their art, for the most part I was content to be just that and then…, I just saw them upset, and fuck me, haha. I hate that I hate people being in pain so much I dunno why it destroys the core of who I am.., so now I’m in a discord server, or trying to be, feeling constantly judge, because I want to make someone happy and I dunno if I am even doing the job. Haha, what does that say about me?

Charanty 

I want to say a lot about charanty, I want to say we were great friends, I wanna say we talked from sunrise to sunset, I want to so badly.., dumb ideas we had, silly jokes we shared, moments of confusion, anger, tears.., bliss, regret.. But sadly I can’t, not that I don’t like them, no no, Charanty is amazing, but like something truly amazing, they are never around all the time, which sucks, because they are truly amazing, creative, beautiful in their mannerisms and perfect in their imperfection. I wish I could enjoy them more often.

ChubbuChu

I have many friends whom I want to be happy, Chubbu probably more than anything and sometimes I blame myself for their sadness, I know I am not the root cause, but I can still blame myself for moments of silence, moments of stupidity and overall not trying harder. Chubbu is.., affectionately irrational and down to earth, the best of times they are infectiously fun to provoke, play with and tease, while at the same time being caring and hopeful, I’ve only had the pleasure of knowing them for this year and even still it feels like I’ve known them longer, but I can’t wait to get to know them more as time goes on, I hope I do, I wish I do.

@hypertronic [Twitter]

Hyper…, Hyper.., “Your a terrible friend again aren’t you?” I mean.., YES, okay so Hyper started off as someone who was a fan of one my characters and since then I’ve had the pleasure of being taken out of the limelight and watching them grow into an amazing artist and COMIC CREATOR, AAAAA, so Park Of Plutonia, Hyper’s comic was a silly little RP group that was on DA, but look at it now! The amazing world she had hidden away in her head, now for you to read and I really recommend you go read it, especially if you want something different and unique, I really want to say more than just ‘go check out her comic’, I really do.

Mon

-breaths- “You were a bad friend again” GOD DAMMIT, YES! You know the saying never meet you idols! Because all you will do is upset them and make them judge you, HAHAHHA, SO! I became aware of Mon thanks to a small show I’m pretty sure NO ONE has heard of called Critical Role, they drew fanart for it quite regularly and I loved it! I even commented on their stuff from time and time, but there wasn’t much to it. Then I had a friend drag me into the world of FFXIV and to my surprise I met Mon…, after like a week or ten before I realised who she was, how would you describe Mon as a person? Like a rabbit doped up on sugar and caffeine, especially when she’s tired, cause then it’s like x2, what I’m saying is Mon is excitable and positive, which sadly doesn’t really gel well with my down to earth, grumpy I hate everything because I can’t act cute attitude that I’ve cultivated. So despite how much you’d think we are friends and how amazing and creative she is, we clash a lot, and honestly I feel like I am just WAITING for the moment, where she declares she has had enough of me and just throws me out of the friendship circle, because…, I know that not all people gel and sadly as much as I want to, I feel like I’m bringing her nothing but pain and I don’t want to do that, she’s creative and amazing, as well as so positive, she doesn’t need someone like me hurting her all the time.  

@spookydraws, @spesiria, @totalobelisk, @ssksscrapboard, @horrorjuice, @riyamilea

“More friend’s you have trouble staying in contact with?” Mmm.. “Amazing wonderful people who you’d love to talk to for days on end, but you are always just too busy for them, too involved in yourself to even say hi?” Yeah.. “Are they even your friends anymore? Are you worth anything to them, I think at this point you should do them a favour and unfollow them, because in the schemes of their lives you aren’t exactly making an impact are you? If anything you slow them down, maybe you are just slowing everyone down? How many more of you ‘friends’ are going to be added to a stockpile of names you can just gush over, because you don’t know them as people anymore, they don’t impact your life and they probably haven’t had a second thought about them?” …, I just think they are amazing people who need to be recongised for how talented and beautiful they are, life is hard and the voices in our heads can be fucking disgusting to us, so everyone just needs a moment, a person to just hug them and them, I love you, I dunno if you even know me but you are so important, don’t forget how important you are and just how meaningful you are, I’m probably just a stranger to you, but you have never for one second not been important to me in some way, I hope you are happy and that you live every second of your life knowing that you are loved by atleast one person. Cause in the end, that’s all we really want isn’t it, we just want someone to tell us that they love us, that we mean something to them, that we are important.

@phantomdotexe [Twitter]

The living definition of too kind for her own good, it’s both your best quality and your worst quality. An amazing talented person who’s managed to influence a small cults worth of people under the ideal of one uniform symbol and then gets upset how she hasn’t done anything with it. I love you to bits, your drive, your kind nature, but at the same time I worry for you, you have so many self defeating thoughts and worries, all stemming from your lack of respect for your own skill and your ability to try and please everyone at once, which can especially be seen with the ‘everyones opinion is valid’ If you made short stories based on your vision or merch, you’d make money in no time, but as it might contradict with someone else's, you don’t. Now I know this is meant to be a ‘I love my friends’ thing, but the truth is I do, I love you so much, but at the same time I have to tell you, you need to stop fretting, you always worried about other people, asking when they are going to bed and such, but then you are equally as bad of the same thing, burning the candle at both ends, rather than trying to resolve any of your problems. As someone who cares, let other people worry and focus on yourself, see you strengths for what they really are and go and make bank.

Plasma-Dragon

Only had the pleasure to speak to you twice on live streams, mostly knew you for your art, I dunno what I can really say? Here, you’re a new friend and I can’t wait to get to know you more… Man this was short.., fuck.., I really wanted to say something else…, uh.. .. .... ....shit

Lady Violi

Man, I wish I drew more personal projects like you did, haha, Okay so, a bit of honesty, when I first saw you on DA I have to be frank and say I didn’t think much of your art back then, but I am so happy to see not only was I proben wrong, but your art had grown incredibly sicne there, no just in scale and scope, but in detail, colour, it’s fantastic, is there places it could use improvement, yeah, but no one is perfect, but that’s enough about you creatively, what about you the person!

Well like I said I didn’t think much at first, but as time went on I became a little intimadated by you, probably cause of my own guilt more than anything else, but, doesn’t really matter, I’m just happy we actually talked, because discussing things with you is always a high light of my day, I’m so eager when your online because have such a nice easy and approach manner of conversation that’s infectious to me, and I love it.

And the best part! It’s only been a year since we started talking, I’m so excited how we’ll grow in friendship as time goes on, I know it’ll be worth it!

---

And.., that’s it, If you actually read through all of these and not just your own, I’d be surpruised, but I’m happy I wrote this, even if my arm hurts, things needed to be said, apologises needed to be made and love needed to be shared, thank you all.

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[the-blackest-spider]

Cat’s Five Year Anniversary Thing

Five Years.

Honestly? When I first signed up here I didn’t think I’d be here long, I was just doing this to fill a hole that a former friend had left and the disbandment and death of a forum. My absolute intentions were keep to myself, don’t really talk to anyone beyond rp related things and don’t get attached.

Funny how things never work out the way we initial plan.

But in this case, I’m beyond glad, I cannot even properly express my feelings over the fact that things went completely the other way and I decided not to be one of those people (you all know what I mean).

In five years a lot has happened. People have come and gone, I’ve experienced a lot of major life changes and through it all I’ve had this place, I’ve had the people I’ve come to know and love through this Hellsite (I say that affectionately).

I found a Home, a new one, since the one I had before fell apart in a way.

I would like to think that all that brought me here happened for a reason, that it was fate because I was meant to get to know those of you I’ve become close to and now cannot imagine my life without. Some of you I’ve known practically from the first day give or take I signed up and others I’ve met along the way and then there are those of you who are more recently discovered and I am so lucky, blessed to know each of you.

Please understand that the following mentions are not meant to slight anyone, but these people have become close to me and my heart over years, months and even mere weeks.

 @obikink -  You are the reason I absolutely believe in kismet and that friendships are not just by chance things. I remember scrolling the BlackFrost tag and the rp one as well and your little blurb grabbed my attention. At first I wasn’t so sure about rping off tumblr, again I wasn’t looking to end up close to anyone or gaining another long term one on one person because it seemed no matter what it never lasted or worked out very well, but here we are five years later and even if the day comes that somehow we run out of things to write, we will still be friends, I believe that. I trust it. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs for things to be any other way.

 @the-mjolnir-owner – Besides Obikink, you are my longest lasting shipping partner with Natasha. You are an amazing and bright human being. You very much embody your muse. You’ve always made me laugh and share such delightful and fun little things all the time. I’ve gained quite an appreciation of Thor thanks to you. You are so kind and passionate and beautiful. Please never change.

 @futurerustfuture-dust - The first person I ever fangirled over that’s just a regular joe like myself. Your BlackFrost fan fiction gave me life (and your Reylo now is amazing) and when you followed me and talked to me I was just… how am I even worthy of this? And then we rped a bit and I was still like wat is even happening. I still feel star struck honestly. I look forward to the day I get to see your name on a book and go I know her, she is my friend.

 @theassassinhawk – My first stalker XD. I wish I could remember your Loki better, no doubt he was amazing, but I am glad we’ve finally got to know one another and your Clint is amazing too. I swear sometimes you are a living, breathing in the flesh anime character and you will never not amuse me with your Bartonness.

 @lilxlionxman – Chicken! You are a delightful bird and I am glad we are of a feather ( I tried to be punny lol). You are awesome, you put a lot of heart, soul and dedication into all that you do and I enjoy getting to hear about your Rooster and Chicken Littles and watching the two of them grow. I don’t care how many muses come and go with you, I will write with them.

 @ask-the-assistant-darcy – I am so glad that Jack introduced us! You are lovely and amazing and I’ve always adored Darcy, but could never find one that I liked. Also Becky! And just you period, are a gift that keeps on giving.

 @stealthsuitofsin  – Trashbro ! What would I do without you? Who would I tag in extremely horrible things and get them interrogated by family? XD thank you for finding me worthy to be your friend and to get close to. I’m glad you’ve found in me someone you can talk to about various things and have the in depth discussions you like to have even though we may not see eye to eye. And getting to watch you play video games is one of the best things.

 @ouronlyhope – Sarah. Wonderful, lovely and beautiful Sarah. I just… words, I am at a loss. You are amazing and anyone who thinks differently doesn’t deserve you anyhow. Please always keep smiling and laughing, don’t ever forget how special you truly are.

 @mynameisanakin -  You are a credit to your muse. One of the most fascinating people I’ve met on here and get to talk to. You are also another one that puts so much dedication into things on here and it’s inspiring. You make me a better rper honestly, well one of several others who do, but your writing capability just enhances the hell out of mine so I enjoy riding on your coat tails a little bit when we thread.

 @techmaestro – you are another delightful person to have discussions with, and your mind is so vividly detailed. I am jealous honestly and I love that you enjoy sharing things from said mind with me. Also I love how your muse warmed mine up more to Tonys in general, because before she was a little –hand wobble- about them for various reasons, especially shipping wise.

 @khakeravdova – I will forever believe that your muse is in fact canon. End of story. Any Red Room thing I see I am gonna pin point a girl in there for Faina. You should always be proud of what you’ve created in her. Also you are wonderful and friendly, and thank you for always taking time to message me and stuff.

 @justabrooklynkid – your enthusiasm and love for things, rps and such is wonderful and infectious and I am so glad you found me worthy. You are absolutely lovely inside and out and I’m glad we’ve become friends.

 @jerseysass – When you followed me back I was over the moon. Danny is the best and you are also. You write him so well and out of character you are quite something as well. I enjoy our little chats and that we agree on a lot of things and thank you for finding hoouna so we can all be H50 geeks together heh.

 @heartredeemed – I legit am amazed by you. You are kind, thoughtful and interesting and I appreciate whatever it is you see in me and my muse. I look forward to further geeky chats and getting to know you more!

 @pcppermiint – You have grown so much and come so far. Another one that I’ve known since my beginnings here on Tumblr. I am glad you came back around and I look forward to you being around. I’m glad I’ve been able to be someone you can talk to about things, because I know how important that is being the age you are.

 @morgansmornings – You are by far the most quiet one I know, but that’s okay! You’re interesting too and I enjoy talking with you and having you around, I’m glad myself and others amuse you and can bring you some joy.

 @hoouna – So we’re just getting to know each other, but I already think you’re amazing. You’re characterization is wonderful, you, yourself are a good egg and I’ve enjoyed the few chats we’ve had and look forward to many more.

 Honestly I don’t know what any of these people (or others) see in me, but I’m glad they see it and I hope we can keep seeing it in each other. And please understand the people on this list I talk to often, they are a part of my life as much as they can be with distance and time between us. But let it be known that all of you who write with me are special in some way, but these individuals, well I don’t know who what or where I’d be without them, especially in the past few years when I’ve had some pretty rough moments, some of them having come into my life right in the middle of some of those moments too. So I thank them, for what they’ve done and are to me and hoping they will continue to be so into the future because I have no plans of going anywhere.

So here’s to five more years!

[lettherebedragons]

Hey y’all.

I’m sure some of you may have noticed my inactivity lately, and I figured I should probably explain. Obviously, this is a personal blog, so it’s not like you were expecting content 

(aside from the fact that I apparently promised the entire multiverse pictures of Rome while I’m here how the fuck)

but I’m sure that there have been many personal posts from my mutuals and stuff y’all reblogged just for me that I just never responded to, and while I managed to read through a week’s worth of dash backlog before a combination of Hellsite and Shoddy Roman Internet knocked me back to the present, there is no way I’m ever going to read every post I’ve missed since April 15th. 

Also, as circumstances will make clear, I really wasn’t feeling up to posting again until I got this particular explanation off of my chest. So yeah, this’ll be that, and honestly, I would really appreciate you giving this a read, but of course, you don’t have to. Especially if you don’t need or want anything sad in your dash right now. Thanks.

So, a bit over two weeks ago, I woke up to the news my cat had died. 

It wasn’t entirely unexpected. Cisco was 17, he had had a good, long life. One of my biggest concerns in going off on the Rome Program, in fact, was that I would be gone for ten weeks, followed immediately by another ten in California. Five months felt risky, although it didn’t occur to me until after I heard the news how deep down, I had still been certain he would be there when I got home.

I was certain enough that I didn’t do any special goodbyes when I flew away in March. 

I still cannot remember what the last things I said to him were. So much of this devastating grief since then has been in realising that I never said goodbye. That I wasn’t there. That I don’t have emblazoned across my eyes, indelible that I may never lose him, how he looked the last time I saw him alive.

I am dreading coming home. Never in my memory have I come home without Cisco there.

Mikey, Redhat, and Cisco joined my family when I was just two years old. They came the usual way-- dropped off at our house by my mom’s ex-husband, who figured that if there were any group of suckers who would immediately adopt three weeks-old kittens, we were them. It transpired that he had found them in his car engine. 

For full context of how much a group of cat-loving idiots we are, keep in mind that this was when plans were already underway for a trans-continental relocation of our entire lives to America when Mom’s ex shows up at the door.

My mom says it was Cisco who convinced her, the second he, a tiny wriggling ball of tabby fluff rolled over, and his stomach was revealed to be this fuzzy expanse of golden fur with black polka-dots. I suspect she would have been convinced even if all three had looked like naked mole rats, but I assure you, Cisco was beautiful.

My parents, also being ridiculous y2k computer geeks, named the cats after failing stocks they had at the time. Mikey is short for Microsoft. 

(He was named first, because my parents are also also ridiculous punsters.)

I was raised to consider these three like my siblings. When my mom spoke to the cats about me, I was called their sister. The low-grade antagonism and ride or die affections between myself and all three certainly were par for the course.

(My current roommate insists I’m a fictional character, and this particular tidbit didn’t help my case at all.)

I remembering thinking as I sat on the couch after reading my mom’s short email, crying harder than I can explain, how hard it is to put into words the loss of a loved one who isn’t human. A ‘pet’ feels like a job title more than anything else. Something replaceable. It cannot convey the loss of an individual, the loss of an entire person, someone who has simply run out and whom there will never be more of again. 

And regardless of his species and role in my life, that is what happened when he died.

Cisco was always the sweetest of the three. Never once in his life did he ever attempt to bite or scratch anyone. Given his origins as a certainly at least semi-feral street kitten, this is incredible. Knowing his bloodthirsty siblings, to whom I can attribute grand networks of scar material, this is nothing short of a miracle.

A few years ago, he lost the ability to retract his claws, and even then would only scratch us on accident, usually when trying to extricate himself from hugs and other indignities. Most of the time, it just inconvenienced him, and it was a sad and hilarious sight each day to see him walking over blankets or upholstery and suddenly find himself stuck by the claw to the fabric. 

He often had difficulty unsticking himself, for while Cisco was gentle, he never was smart. Family theory had it that the three cats all had to tussle to get control over one brain. Redhat and Mikey would keep it going back and forth between the two, and only when they each fumbled, Cisco got to be the smart cat. After Mikey’s death eight years ago, we generally agreed Redhat had seized permanent control of the brain.

(When Mikey died, we began to say we had ‘three cats, but one of them is dead.’ It had always been the three, and to not have all seemed inconceivable until some impossible terrible day when we had none.

My mother called me a week ago and asked if she still counted as an old cat lady with only one left.)

Cisco might have not been a very smart cat, but he was one of the most human. His face was startlingly expressive, and he interacted more with people than to cats. Every meow he made carried emotion as clearly as telling us how he felt, with a range of nuance that quite easily surpasses that of some people I know. 

(When I think off how I will lose him yet further, I think of forgetting his voice.)

He had a bizarre taste in food. Seaweed and brewer’s yeast were all-time favorites, though he never shared Redhat’s obsession with drinking my mother’s tea right out of the mug every morning. What he did do every single morning was walk onto Mom’s desk, seat all 13 pounds of him across her chest, and declare it to be a time for hugging. 

He was always very shy and terribly affectionate. He liked to sleep on convenient persons nearby, and every night I heard the screams as he accidentally trod on his sister, already curled up beneath a blanket, and began an old fight anew. Guests would be privileged to see him for a moment as he stared down from the top of the stairs, or they would see him standing for ten minutes in the middle of the dinner table as we tried ineffectually to usher him out of the parmesan. 

He was always so tolerant of me, growing up and learning how to act around cats and humans alike. I don’t remember a time without him, but I know three-year-olds don’t speak Cat as fluently as fifteen-year-olds do. Cisco, I owe you an apology for the millions of cuddles I scooped you into, the various ink, chalk, and lipstick stains, and the billions of naps I interrupted just to hear you make that confused chirping sound. My bad. 

He was gorgeous, with incredible green eyes and stupid little tufts of coarse hair growing out of his chin. He had whiskers that were long and crooked and he liked to sit in the bathtub and stare at us until we ran the tap for him to drink from. He could be loud and quiet and I could curl up to sleep next to him and feel safer than anywhere else. He was perfect, so, so perfect.

I miss him everywhere that he is not. I am hit with waves of grief time and again.

The morning he died, it was Easter Sunday, and the bells across Rome rang as I heard the news. They rang as I cried.